#You should be in jail.

[wakanai]

Waka Waka somehow I've managed to convince people I have a harem with all the pregnant bsd men help me- hdhdhdhdhd

I've also been dubbed the mpregginator by @flowerofbuffoonery :(

Sighs. Only I would be able to get in a situation like this.

WKDJSJSJDJSJSNSNSNSSJS

I just know the details will be traumatizing.

[notyourmusebby]

it's always puma whoring them out 😭😭😭 wdym this is a company promoting video WDYM

source: (x)

[greelin]

“well gray hair is hotter on men than it is on women generally—” well what if i killed you.

[bertoyana]

i still think that up to this day the funniest and most hysterical interaction xmcu!cherik has ever had, by far, is THIS ONE from the original days of the future past script

asking what are we to your enemy is insane work ngl

i wish i was kidding when i say this line has been engraved into my brain ever since I read it for the first time in 2019, it's such an INSANE thing to say. he and charles had been on opposite sides for 10+ years but erik REFUSES to see him as anything other than his old friend!! and the way he TRAILS OFF after asking it too

simon kinberg is so funny i can't lie, that man kept writing himself into a homosexual yearning corner every time he wrote them

[ofmd-ann]

Source

Update: The videos have now been posted

We need to get this show back 🔥

Anyway, I know good things will come his way no matter what happens 💜

[todayisafridaynight]

[randomminty]

Enchanted by akatsukis princess carryisms

[sunspearesque]

i can't even begin to understand the thought process of rhaegar and his utterly absurd decision to take the most powerful kingsguards with him to either fight or to guard his 15-year-old mistress/abductee (?) and their babe with questionable legitimacy while leaving behind his wife and his two children (one of them is his fucking heir) to be guarded by who exactly? 16-year-old jaime lannister? (who was “guarding” the king that kept him “hostage”)

rhaegar knew damn well his father is going even more insane after a war he started by his utter stupidity and selfishness and they won’t be safe yet he didn’t bother to ensure their safety before he fucks off… the only explanation is that he didn’t give a flying fuck about anyone but himself and his delulu which makes him complicit in their tragic death as much as his mad daddy who kept them hostages and the lannisters who slaughtered them

[deadpuppetboi]

Me, doing digital art:

Sun: It speaks to me!!! *breaks my fucking tablet*

[anticosmicist]

tras killed sexy androgyny. i used to drool over guys in makeup and now i roll my eyes and run away because now there's a large chance they think wearing eyeshadow makes them nonbinary or even worse, just like me as a woman

[pxparkerr]

peter putting his head on wade’s shoulder

[transmercar]

i love wyll's devil form but the fact that he loses his big brown eye should be a criminal offense

[m0e-ru]

im sure robbie daymond understands

[max-nicoxfandom]

Can't believe I haven't seen a billford animatic to kill Bill by sza. Miss opportunity.

[y-rhywbeth2]

D&D Vampire Lore Dump #3

Hierarchy (Spawn VS Spouse VS Lesser VS Greater) How they're "born" and the pecking order and what distinguishes a vampire spawn, a vampire bride/groom/spouse, a "lesser" vampire and a "greater" vampire. Also, the various ways a vampire is "born". With a brief nod to the various random species that crop up; for example there are vampires who are elves and there are elven vampires and these are two different things!

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER FOR FIRST TIME READERS: There are two things to note about the lore presented here: First, while the standard stat block in the monster manual is the default, in terms of lore vampires have this annoying tendency to be incredibly, stupidly varied. They are magical monstrosities ruled by the power of symbolism and superstition above anything else.

The next is that D&D is decades old, spans five editions, several settings and hundreds of writers. One guy establishes a piece of lore, and then the next picks it up goes "nah" and writes something else. I collected info from four different source books, all from different editions, which naturally don't entirely agree on how vampires work. Lore never stays consistent and may contradict itself. You may see information somewhere else from a source I don't have that contradicts what I wrote here. If you read this and like some of this stuff but not other bits, take the good and ditch the rest. Larian themselves have not written BG3 totally compliant with some established D&D lore or the original games.

Welcome to D&D: In your own story canon is what you say it is.

Feeding | "Biology" | Hierarchy | Weaknesses and Cures | Psychology

Ultimately, while they can be classified separately, a vampire is a vampire is a vampire. In every edition newly created vampires are enslaved to the wills of their creator, but the concept of vampire spawn as a separate category wasn't introduced until third edition. Even then, they were mainly just normal vampires enslaved to the will of the vampire that made them and the only difference was that they couldn't create spawn, turn into a wolf or command animals. Prior to 3.5e what set the "spawn" apart was the age difference: vampires grew stronger with age, and the fledglings were impossibly outmatched by their seniors.

Age is the cornerstone of the vampire world; it is expected that a vampire is to show due reverence/fear towards their elders while in turn expecting the same respect/fear from their juniors. Younger vampires are to refer to their elders as "Eminent [Name]," "Ancient One"... while older vampires tend to refer to younger vampires contemptuously as "Child" or "Fledgling" regardless of their actual age and power. The age categories shown are used more by scholars and hunters to classify the degree of threat, rather than by vampires themselves. Fledgling - 0-99 years old Mature 100-199 years Old: 200-299 years Very Old: 300-399 Ancient: 400-499 Eminent: 500-999 Patriarch/Matriarch: 1000+

-

Generally spawn are created almost exactly as Astarion tells you. A vampire kills you by draining all of your life energy and you get up with the next sundown as a member of the undead. If you were buried then you are bound to your gravesite, sometimes a vampire who is not buried will rise again, being bound to the site of their murder. Generally though, those killed by vampires who are not buried in a grave are simply dead. Sometimes vampires are bound to the soil of whatever they consider their homeland instead of their grave. …and also some of them have toxic saliva that turns you into a vampire, and some of them are born of curses that they cast on you by making eye contact that make you sicken and mysteriously waste away and rise again a vampire. A vampire is limited in the number of spawn it can create/control. The more powerful the vampire, the more it can have.

Spawn remember both their death and the identity of their killer on waking, and generally grasp what they've become within seconds.

Other ways to create vampires includes necromancy, the influence of Fiends (devils and demons) and divine will. Bhaal, for example, can cause a slain creature to rise as any form of undead he chooses. Vampires made this way are forced to complete whatever purpose they were created for and after the task is complete usually have full free will.

Vampires created by other vampires are freed of their master by either their death or by the master explicitly dismissing them from service. 5e has added a ritualistic gift of blood, but the key factor is still the vampire freeing its spawn willingly. The Turn/Command Undead ability of a cleric can also break a vampire's control over its spawn, temporarily.

There's conflicting information on the extent of the control vampires wield over their spawn. Some state that spawn are forced to not only obey but have a sensation of affection for their master forced upon them (even against their will) and spawn can be forced to take actions that will harm and kill them if ordered. Another source, however, states that while all vampires have an inborn compulsion to obey their maker, the exact level of control is not guaranteed and particularly stubborn offspring may be able to fight back, and that spawn build a resistance to their master's control over time.

Whatever the truth is, vampires don't trust their offspring and don't take chances. When it comes to educating their "children" about their condition, vampires will omit vital information or even teach them flat out lies to keep them ignorant of their own potential and dependent on their maker. One vampire is on record laughing about how he's convinced his spawn that if he dies they will die with him. Vampires are also known to kill their spawn if they're worried that they're growing too powerful or seem to be learning too much… or just because the vampire is worried by the mere idea that they might, even if their spawn are innocent of whatever slight their master is imagining. Vampires do their best to abuse and gaslight spawn into a state of self-debasing terrified obedience where they truly believe their master is an indestructible, powerful being they could never stand a chance against, while they are weak and helpless. Just in case.

-

Aaaand then there are vampire brides/grooms/spouses: Sometimes a vampire develops a fixation on an individual and decides they're going to keep them bound to them for all eternity, untouched by time. To do this they turn the target into a vampire through a slow, drawn out murder via draining the blood out of the target, followed with the vampire feeding the victim their own blood. The spouse-to-be may be permanently lost to bloodlust and die within 24 hours, and even if not the trauma this inflicts on the target is usually too much for the new "spouse" to cope with. Assuming death doesn't follow, the pair are bound together by a sensation of obsessive affection and telepathically linked, much as if they're drinking each other's blood (but without the ability to control each other). Their bond enables them able to share thoughts and share the experience when their partner is feeling a powerful emotion.

Vampire marriage follows a pattern: Eventually, the spouse gets tired of the utter repetitive tedium of existence as combination of a favourite decoration, pet and sex toy that's been put on a display shelf somewhere, and gets rebellious. They start wanting to use their powers and have and do things for themselves outside of their significant other. Said SO then responds by getting jealous and possessive and tightening their grip and putting extra locks on the bars. The emotional link creates a toxic feedback loop and everything escalates from there. Vampire divorce also exists, though only the sire can end the bond (the spouse must agree, but that agreement doesn't have to be given of their own free will). The spouse is then free. Generally the vampire, being so bound up in their chosen spouse and not wanting a free vampire running around on their turf, doesn't want to divorce and instead it's all downhill until one fatally tears the other apart in a rage.

A vampire can't have more than one spouse at a time.

-

At the other end of the spectrum are Greater Vampires. These guys are created when a succubus drains the life out of a living being - a sensation that makes you believe you're in the throes of passion but is actually "quite painful, giving no satisfaction, only utter emptiness." It also destroys their soul beyond recovery. What makes them "greater" than everyone else is simply that they cannot be harmed by sunlight. They have all the same powers as a "lesser" vampire.

Outside of that we have garden variety vampires. They die in the sun, have all the powers every other vampire has and aren't enslaved to another vampire's will. That's it.

All vampires have the following abilities*:

The ability to turn into mist, giving them the ability to fly, very good escapist skills (if you're made of air you can just enter a locked room through the keyhole, after all), and make themselves invulnerable to most forms of damage.*

The ability to mind control others by making eye contact "crushing the will of another."*

The ability to climb or walk on walls and ceilings similar to a spider.

The ability to completely heal from almost any amount of damage within minutes.

Immunity to paralysis (so a Hold spell won't work)

The ability to drain the life energy and/or blood out of a living being, and in the process create a new vampire enslaved to their own will.*

Upon being freed they gain the additional ability to summon rats, bats and wolves to do their bidding, as well as transform into those animals.

*(Most of these traits do not appear on the vampire spawn stat block in 4e or 5e's Monster Manuals, despite spawn being capable of all of the above until that point save creating their own spawn. Only spider climb and regeneration was included.)

There are also other kinds of vampires. Nosferatu are mutated by their curse into obvious monsters, and aren't harmed by sunlight. While typical vampirism affects anything, there are other types of vampirism that are pickier about hosts. Elven vampires are killed by moonlight instead of sunlight and hate plants so much. Gnome vampires age rapidly, can turn into ghosts and inflict seizures on people they touch. Then there's the vampire dragons, and the vampire illithid (which is what you get when you somehow infect a tadpole with vampirism and use it for ceremorphosis) and the vampyre - which is a type of vampire with a pyromania problem…

D&D gets a bit silly with vampires, sometimes.

EDIT: OK, apparently I didn't specify enough. Astarion is a normal vampire with the sunlight weakness. Elven Vampirism is a different type of vampirism that affects elves and half-elves, but he doesn't have it. Otherwise Cazador wouldn't be able to have human, gnome or tiefling spawn.

[ruinme-please]

This smooth criminal