#a bunch of us wrote this together basically so idk how to sign off

[jamiscrazy4krerdly]

Happy Mermay gamers!! To celebrate I ate a gummy bear and wrote an ENTIRE 60 Chapter mermaid Krerdly fanfic just last night!! Not really but trust me I am tempted, instead here’s something smaller because I found the concept funny. I call this one… “Fishing For Crits”!

EXT. SECLUDED ROCKY SHORE SIDE - SUNSET

Merbird Berdly, posing tentatively against a rock with soggy feathers: I concur, you WOULD make good company for my impending excursions… alas, the only way for us to walk along the same soil is if I beseech THE SEA WITCH *lightning strike x4* to grant me a pair of stick-structured chicken legs and you’d be a PLEBIAN to think I’d go to such lengths for a single travel companion- ACK!

Kris cannonballs into the water, splashing the avi-phibian and further dampening his vaguely water resistant feathers.

Kris, grinning cheekily behind their already kelp-filled hair: Lets go turn me into a merperson.

Kris snatches up Berdly’s wing in their fishnet-styled, fingerless glove covered hands and watches him expectantly.

Berdly, adjusting his glasses (GOGGLES??) as his seafoam irises glimmer: Y-yes! Lets!

-one epic five-minute-swim adventure later-

Kris with their head in an air bubble: *signing at Catti that ghoul should totally give them gills and shit*

Catti with tentacle hair or whatever: k *blasts them with dark magic*

And then Kris swims out the door and shows Berdly (who was required to wait outside) that they are a mer now!!!! YAY!! Then the two of them go off to dress up and travel together and MAYBE fall in love, idk… you can’t really say for sure… its up to interpretation, really… (they eventually make a habit of gazing longingly into each others’ eyes and exchanging ocean facts late into the night as they lock their tails together and lay alongside one another at the bottom of the sea).

The End!!!!

—

Okie that was fun, I’m just gonna type a bunch of randomly selected but definitely Deltarune related thoughts down now. :P

You won’t even believe which character I’m not done talking excessively about yet- it’s CATTI!! This demigirl just unlocked a new pronoun and by the goddess it is he. WOOHOO! Rockin that She/He/Ghoul swag… I probably won’t actively use it in my w.i.p fics because there’s almost always someone with a he pronoun on screen and I don’t want all that stuff to get jumbled up but it will DEFINITELY be in the fic tags and perhaps actively said by Catti ghoulself. YAYAYA!! Y’all have no idea how long I’ve been itching to post about this, applying the he pronoun to ghoul just makes so much sense to me idk how to describe it but yeah. YEAH!

I’m genuinely terrified of writing a Catti POV fic thing because I love a good side character that makes a lasting impression but I could TOTALLY flesh ghoul out more if I tried… maybe after I get through my current projects I’ll consider it.

SPEAKING OF PROJECTS!! I may or may not have three now. Derp. The new one is smaller and I’ll probably be done with it first to get it out of the way but I don’t plan to post it until the first two projects are done but yeah. Don’t think I’m going to do a Halloween fic afterall ;n; but there’s always next year.

Btw this is random but in my first ever Krerdly fic I had the two attend this thing called Alternative Prom and apparently that doesn’t… HAPPEN in the mainland?? I feel like I made it pretty clear what it was but I’m making a callback to it in my super secret fourth project *GASP* so I mine as well address it: Alternative Prom is a dance held specifically for LGBTQ+ teens, basically. I went once when I was in 8th grade and it was MAGICAL y’all… and then I proceeded to NEVER GET TO GO AGAIN because it got cancelled due to covid hitting during my freshman year and it hadn’t recovered by the time I graduated my senior year (this year) so yeah. I really hope it comes back for the future teens tho!! I MIGHT be romanticizing it a bit but oh my godssss was it such a fun night. I still have the rainbow flower crown and pin as a souvenir. I used to wear my pride shit to school like allll the time, I was a rainbow princex and shit!!! Hell yeah!! I’m a frickin inspiration!!

Ok ok less about me now. I lowkey already outright said so in my Valentines fic but I headcanon that Kris and Catti are exes, right? Well it’s about time that I reveal the dramatic story behind their breakup… Kris wanted to kindate Beastboy and Raven from Teen Titan with ghoul and when ghoul said no it was all over. </3 I hope I didn’t make anyone too emotional with that one. /s

BY THE WAY… a new challenger might have entered the ring that is my infested brain. I’m definitely not gonna tell you guys because it’s my little secret OK FINE it’s M.K!! They are the guy ever and I’m DEFINITELY biased due to their iconic role in Undertale (ty Ask Frisk and Co. ask blog for changing my life for the better). Anyway so yeah they’re awesome and they’re precious and if I’m alone for two seconds I’m going to start shipping them with everybody so. Uhm. Idk if the world is ready for my M.K x Berdly rare pair…

BUT THEY BETTER BE READY FOR CATSEI because it’s been festering in my mind an d oo ooh my g osh… it is so based……………. almost too based, honestly. Like in my headcanon-ing brain the puzzle pieces fit together really well (fashionista x fashion designer) but I don’t. Know... there’s like a mental block that’s not letting me enjoy much past the original idea of their first meeting. If I try to envision their domestic life together I end up with big blurry blanks in the picture where their bodies should be. Which is PRECISELY WHY in my SUPER SECRET FOURTH PROJECT that isn’t super secret anymore they will undertake a magical adventure together through a dark world and tighten their bonds and Jockington will tag along and maybe put them in precarious situations and help them… do something idk it’s just a spontaneously slapped on B-Plot addition to one of my older Krerdly fic ideas but idk maybe something beautiful will bloom out of it!! IN DUE TIME, because it’s gonna take a while. Yea yea yea. Plus I need the excuse to write Ralsei more. His jolly little clap has been one of my dominating stims for a while now.

Also!! Also!!!!! Uhm!! @v@‘ Not super related at all but as I briefly mentioned I finished high school recently and it’s scary (bad thing) and I’m not in contact with anyone I know from there anymore (good thing) and like I’m kind of a bump on a log that’s in dire need of a job (the library thing was a student position) and am definitely nearing a low mentally (very bad thing) BUT I am battling so hard and writing helps so much (it’s like the only active thing in my life right now lol) and yeah… it’s giving going into chat rooms in Amino and telling people I’m depressed (NOT SOMETHING I DID I SWEAR)

As a reward for making it this far here’s two out of four of my outfit boards for my not-so-secret third project that isn’t coming out anytime soon!! Once again featuring my ultra cringe sprite edit of Kris that gets me giggling every time and doesn’t even apply here because both of their eyes will be concealed in this one but yeah!

It’s so obvious I’m a Nintendo kid it’s not even funny. -v- (HIGHLY EMBARRASSING!!)

[naughtysalamander]

i have a bunch of world build-y ideas thrashing around in my head, utterly trashing the place and making baby ideas. honestly some of them are cool. i haven't done any creative writing in a long time - not that i was serious about it ever but i used to write very short stories just to crank out ideas and get them out of my head. not even journaling, just typing away at random shit not always paying attention to grammar or formatting. like this post. my therapist said i should maybe start doing that again so i'm like yeah ok i'll give it a go, i guess. long rant i only wrote out of frustration under the cut.

i'd like to put all the pieces together. not just writing a 900 word monologue from the perspective some barely invented, nameless character having a philosophical moment and forgetting about it immediately.

i have ideas that aren't able to be used on their own about science fiction kind of stuff. concepts, organizations, philosophical ideals aliens might have. alien lifestyles, interactions between species. how pregnancy and birth occur for this really weird alien species. popular drugs, common jobs. slang terms. the works. stuff that would fit only in a long, extended story with world building that is very much deliberate and well-thought out.

unfortunately though, for the life of me i cannot think of a semi-original overarching story/plot. i get an idea and i'm like "wait i'm ripping off of *insert science fiction tv show/movie/game/book*". i'm perpetually stuck in this cycle. i really like some of my concepts though. i don't want them to be wasted. its pissing me off. this is one reason (of the numerous) i stopped writing lil story riffs. i can't stay in a cohesive narrative long enough. i can come up with cool concepts independently but literally do not ask me to blend them together.

pretty much everything i have is for a science fiction story atm. i tried to write a convincing history of how humans got to space. just as a really basic foundation so i could understand their place in the galaxy and/or story. i wrote probably 5 iterations and i became disgusted with all of them. i wasn't able write the middle part between the first actions/events towards space vs being in space and decently established. and when i did manage it, it felt extremely stolen and barely changed enough to be considered "inspired by."

idk it all feels like a sign this isn't for me. i hate saying that though. i wanna just write for fun. why can't i?

[the-corvidae-collective]

Here’s the thing.

Like, I get it. I really do. Transmeds are mostly trans people, usually transmascs, with crippling dysphoria and deeply rooted self esteem issues they can only manage to address by watering down transness (including their transness) to make it more palatable to cis people and cisnormative society. Their desperate clinging to biological essentialism (”Okay, so maybe sex doesn’t directly equal gender, but brain sex and/or the mental illness of gender dysphoria does.”) is rooted primarily in a desire to avoid transphobia. Transmeds want access to healthcare, and healthcare for trans people is notoriously and unnecessarily difficult if not impossible to access. Transmeds want to be treated respectfully and fairly, and transphobia is not only rampant but deeply rooted and systemic. Transmeds see transphobes blame the “bad” trans people for these issues, the most egregious in terms of violating cisheteronormative ideals, and they think that cutting out those people from the definition of transness will save them.

I remember when some of us thought like that. Not a lot of us, not really at the level of most people who fall into that hole, but we know what it’s like. When you’re trans, especially if you’re young and in a transphobic environment, the odds are stacked against you. The world is hostile, and cruel, and you can only handle so much. You just want respect. You just want relief. The idea that there’s just this one culprit, this one invader of your community, who you can attack and defeat and then somehow acquire the resources you’re desperate for? Of course it’s tempting. 

You face oppression, and here are your oppressors, telling you they’ll stop if you just do this one thing, if you just trample this one group, if you just manage to climb over them and out of the oppression pit. Here’s transphobes saying, “The reason I’m transphobic is this,” and they’re talking about neopronouns or xenogenders or gender nonconforming trans people or trans people who are “just being trans for fun” or trans people who “shove it in their face” or trans people who are too queer or any other number of things. Here’s someone who is vulnerable, oppressed, exhausted, and desperate to escape their oppression. The result? You believe them. You go for the scapegoat. Then, suddenly, you’re radicalized. You’re shifting the goalposts in the hope that it’ll be enough, that it’ll help someone, that it’ll finally make them see you as a human being.

It won’t. It doesn’t. Transphobia obviously still exists when you erase the trans people that make transphobes the most angry, because transphobes aren’t honest or transparent, and they aren’t just angry at the “bad” trans people. Transphobes have been oppressing trans people for longer than the concept of trans people was established in the way it is today, and they’re going to keep doing it in whatever way they can. The reason transphobes pin their transphobia on “the bad ones” is because it diverts the attention away from the harm they’re doing to all trans people. It’s a justification that makes no logical sense, because if they really were just transphobic towards those specific trans people then they wouldn’t be perpetuating systemic and interpersonal transphobia against all trans people. It only exists to distract from the real perpetrators and redirect the attention and ire of exhausted and oppressed trans people.

Knowing this has been healing for us. Learning and understanding this base concept of scapegoating and crab mentality allowed us to form a relationship with gender and oppression and the world at large that was much healthier than it used to be. Still, every time we are confronted with transmeds who are absolutely furious with us for being what they believe to be the root of transphobia and serious transphobically motivated issues, we can’t help but feel that pain flare up again. Some of us remember having been that transmed. Some of us remember how sad and angry we were, how much it hurt and how desperate we were to be happy and comfortable in ourselves.

If you happen to be reading this, and you consider yourself a transmedicalist, I hope you know that we don’t hate you. Not you, as a person. We hate what transphobes have done to you, and to us. We hate that a transphobic society has pitted us against each other. All we can say is that we hope you get the help you need, whether that be medical transition or just a good friend.

[aoitrinity]

Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it. 

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in. 

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length. 

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages. 

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money. 

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments. 

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve. 

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project

[kaissauce]

Undertale characters are already so cool and funky and although aus are cool and all it loses it's spark when people only focus on sans (he's a cool character i get it but so is literally all the other main characters). here's a bunch of stuff i wrote down about them characters because idk there's so much that can be explored with the base game instead of jumping to aus

sans: a character who very clearly just wants to vibe and no way shape or form wants to be in the spotlight or the main character. casually threatens the player to show that he's more than meets the eye but also does not want to fight but is capable of doing so. has weird powers and apparently pranking people across time and space is the norm for him (according to papyrus). absolute troll. likes astronomy and science stuff. his right eye glows light blue and yellow for a few frames in very specific moments during the fight (the beginning, when he slams you into the walls during the last attack but eventually it stops glowing even when he's still slamming the soul around, and when he teleports you to the middle when you try to go to the fight button when he's still awake.) has a key to a lab with a machine which could also belong to papyrus ( twitter post suggests two people tried to fix that machine the two people could either be sans and papyrus or sans and alphys) what's the machine for? most popular headcanon is time machine presumably connected to gaster

Papyrus: an enigma, literally nothing about his past is revealed. Has weird powers that he uses so casually. barely fazed by dying and continues to believe the human. he does not kill the human and will always end the battle once the human gets to 1 hp, flat out gives the choice for the human to skip the fight after a few tries. barely sleeps, has nightmares. hates hotland, indifferent to echo flowers, online friends with alphys, knows things that did not happen yet (mettaton having eyes, the phone turning into a jetpack). why does he never take off his gloves this detail is forgotten by so many people. CHECK in the genocide route his description is "Forgettable" that could mean multiple things and none of them are good. his stats change in other routes unlike other people who have stat changes that happen because of specific scenarios: undyne's stats are different during the hangout fight, asgore's stats lower after smelling toriel's pie. Has connections to the River person, Flowey, and the Annoying Dog (pretty peculiar people). Keeps secrets, like he's MUCH better at keeping secrets then Sans. also a troll but isn't as big of a troll as sans. appears to be naive and is much more mysterious than sans and also more subtle at being mysterious. presumably also can use gaster blasters

Asgore: the king of the underground with a tragic life and carries the hopes of his subjects and the guilt from all the people he's hurt. Shows signs of knowing about resets (talking after being killed the player tells him that he's killed them and he nods sadly in response). wait that'd be really sad if he could remember previous timelines because then he'd know that he dies in every outcome except for true pacifist. most definitely did not want to kill those children but had to for monsterkind, he probably wasn't even the one to kill most of the fallen children because their stuff is in places where they presumably died. Took a long time to get a new royal scentist after Gaster was lost to his creation. Tries to get back on good terms with Toriel. he's old as friiickkk. he's horrible at naming things i find that really funny that he mashed his name and toriel's name to get asriel. first person besides alphys to meet flowey, dude i will die with the headcanon that asgore named flowey. HIS TRIDENT CAN BREAK THE MERCY BUTTON MAYBE EVEN THE OTHER BUTTONS

Undyne: The captain of the royal guard. She's missing an eye with no canon explanation. She was trained by the king of the underground and looks up to Gerson aka "The Hammer of Justice". Met Alphys at the dump and watches anime with her. Intimidating at first but she can be a really goofy person or very threatening. Tried to get Papyrus into cooking instead of wanting to join the royal guard because she knows he's against killing and he'll probably die when facing a human even though she knows he's tough. Plays piano. cheats death, basically does the impossible it's no big deal

Alphys: The Royal scientist after Gaster. Created a body for Mettaton, lied and claimed she made a robot with a soul (which alphys never revealed to anyone, the player only finds this out by getting the mystery key and the lab entries in the true lab). Experimented with DT and human souls. Knows that souls can't be artificially created. Knows about alternate realities and probably also studied timeline shenanigans (maybe sans and alphys studied that stuff together, maybe even more than just timeline shenanigans since sans is hinted to bring dog food for the amalgamates). Created Flowey. LITERALLY MANIPULATES THE GAME CODE TO TROLL THE PLAYER

Mettaton: ok how often did he forget that he's supposed to be playing as a robot with an artificial soul. like come on he had to slip up at least once. does he continue with that facade on the surface???? like i thought alphys wanted to be honest and she just never said mettaton is just a ghost?? also need me more ghost family interactions that's always fun. ALSO HIS ENDING COME ONNN THERE'S SO MUCH POTENTIAL THERE WHY ISN'T THERE MORE FICS ON IT IN FACT THERE SHOULD BE MORE FICS ON THE NEUTRAL ENDINGS IN GENERAL like i've already read some fanfics that touch on his ending and they're SO COOL but also mEssed and sad

ok im getting sleepy and this post is getting long so this next one's gonna be short

Gaster: probably actually broke people's ps4s when they typed in his name because the code to simulate a crash on a computer actually crashes the game on the console and causes a fatal error. dude gaster what the heck

[falcon-eye]

Another ficlet featuring Cat OCs which will eventually become a part of a bigger story from @inexplicifics Accidental Warlord AU! This one kinda got away from me, Idk. I wanted to include a little more info on my Cats but after a while I felt like I was rambling. I also feel like the tone is kinda all over the place. I like what I wrote, but Idk about how I wrote it, if that makes any sense. And I’m not satisfied with the ending. I also hope the “deal” makes sense too. Idk. I’m just generally sorry for how weird this one turned out. Any questions, even if they’re just about the characters, please shoot them my way! Hope you enjoy!

-

The Law of Surprise had never steered Veko wrong. Well, ok, that wasn’t exactly true. It had never fucked him over, anyway. Well...

Ok, see, many, many years before the White Wolf began his reign, Veko and his twin brother Hamra had been traveling with the Cat School’s caravan. They always had, ever since becoming Witchers, although they sometimes broke off for hunts either alone or with each other. Siblings were rare among Witchers, twins especially, and identical twins even more so. Plus, Hamra was... gentle—for a Witcher anyway. He hardly made eye contact and often didn’t talk until absolutely necessary for days at a time, often using signs when he didn’t want to (or couldn’t) speak. Veko was used to it, often either being able to decipher his brother’s signs and gestures, or filing in the blanks himself. This also meant he was frequently his brother’s “translator” of sorts. Despite mostly taking hunts together though, Veko, like everyone else in the caravan, needed a break from time to time. Especially from his brother’s guilty looks.

It’s common knowledge that Cats are the more... emotional of all Witchers, prone to mood swings, rages, and the occasional bloodlust. It’s just how the mutagens made them, as much a fact as the sky was blue. Didn’t make it any easier on any of them, though. Veko knew this all too well.

Although Hamra was quiet, generally incredibly awkward and painfully shy, he too could and had been taken over by his emotions. And unfortunately, Veko was always in the line of fire—literally. The fight had been... stupid. Probably. Now, years later, neither twin can remember what the it was even about, and none of the other Cats were paying enough attention to care. Hamra was too enraged to remember what happened and Veko. Well, Veko, whether he was trying to calm Hamra down or was truly fighting with him, took an Igni to the face at basically point blank range. Sure, the smell of cooking monster was one Witchers eventually got used to, but as it turns out, the smell of your own brother’s flesh burning from his face and neck snaps you out of a rage pretty well.

Veko was out of commission for quite a while, by Witcher standards. The left side of his face, from under his eye down his neck, and disappearing beneath his armor, was a permanent web of tight, puckered scarring. It wasn’t bad enough to lose his ear or anything, thankfully, and no actual holes in his skin, but it was big and grotesque enough that there was no possible way to hide it unless he covered his entire face. So Hamra had to look at his greatest mistake every time he looked at his brother, and Veko had to deal with the sour smell of guilt pouring off of his brother almost every waking moment.

So, yeah, he needed a break and a solo hunt every once in a while.

This one was about as basic as they get; bunch of drowners terrorizing a local village, no problem. Veko took them out with ease. Or so he thought. Going back to the village to claim his pay, he heard an old man crying for help and realized one of the drowners had broken off from the others. Just great.

The old man and the drowner both were stuck in thick mud, a pathetic sight as the man frantically tried to free himself as the drowner clawed at him. Veko literally walked up next to the creature and decapitating it, yanking the old man out of the mud while still in mid swing.

“Witcher!” the old man cried, his knees nearly buckling once he was on solid ground. “Oh thank you Witcher! How could I ever repay you?!”

Sheathing his swords, Veko chuckled. “I mean, coin never hurts.”

As Veko wiped the mud from his face, revealing his burns, the man paled. “I-I don’t... I-I don’t have any money on me,” he said. “Please, sir, there must be something else I can give you!“

Veko sighed. “Not a problem,” he said. “How about this—first thing you see when you get home, I’ll take that. I’ve got to get my pay from your village anyway. Why don’t I stop by your house in the morning?”

The old man nodded vigorously. “Yes, yes sir Witcher!” he exclaimed. “I live on the edge of town, just a little farm, the one with the blue roof.”

“Blue roof,” Veko said, squinting at the old man. “Yeah, it’s suits you.”

The old man looked confused, but Veko waved him off and walked back to the village with him. Luckily, the alderman didn’t scrimp him over on pay, but it still wasn’t a great amount. However, despite actually being paid the amount he was promised, the local inn just so happened to be completely full. Whatever, you win some, you lose some. Pocketing his coin, Veko led his horse a little ways out of town and reluctantly set up camp.

Veko’s horse was a dun gelding, one of the several Law of Surprise claims and other non-coin payments Veko had made over the years. Once, he’d gotten a literal chicken dinner from a family (which he shared with them, godsdamned his bleeding heart). Another time, an old woman he’d saved from a werewolf offered him and Hamra her home for the night, and taught Veko how to knit when he couldn’t sleep. The horse was relatively new, having picked him up from a farmer with a bad wolf problem, and didn’t give two shits about the Witcher. Which was fine by Veko. He wasn’t close with his horses like some Witchers were. This was his eighth horse, appropriately named Eight.

Eight was a bastard of an animal, constantly biting at Veko’s fingers, clothes, weapons—really anything he could reach. He’d also literally kicked Veko in the ass a few times, and once right in the balls, to the entire caravan’s delight. Eight was also a particular fan of loudly chewing the bark off of whatever tree he was tethered to, which made trying to get peace and quiet a bitch. Not-so-secretly, Veko was hoping whatever the old man saw when he got back to his house was a different horse. It was too expensive to buy another one, and despite the fact that he and Eight hated each other, he’d never wish harm upon the animal. He just wanted to be rid of him, that’s all.

But when he arrived at the old man’s home the next day, horse, chicken dinner, knitting lessons—none of it came even close to what was waiting for him.

A petite woman in a pale blue dress covered in splatters of paint slammed the front door open as he approached. Her hair, brunette, was up in an approximation of a bun, but it was hard to tell as it was so messily put together and curled wildly where it escaped.

Veko saw the exact moment she saw his burn scars, but to his surprise, only faltered for a moment. “Witcher!” she shouted, marching right up to Veko and poking a paint-stained finger to his chest. “You can turn around and leave right now!”

Veko blinked down at her. “Uh, excuse me,” he scoffed, “I came here to get my payment. Who the hell are you?”

“Your bloody payment,” the girl hissed, throwing her arms out. “Surprise!”

“Eloise!” the old man Veko had saved came rushing out of his house, taking the woman’s hands in his. “Please, Eloise—“

“What in the hell is going on here?!” Veko exclaimed, making the old man flinch but the woman—Eloise—stood her ground.

“You asked my father to give you the first thing he saw when he came home, right?” she snapped. “Well I answered the bloody door, Witcher.”

Veko took a step back and raised his hands in surrender. “Ok, ok, so this is just all a misunderstanding, I get it. I’ll just—“

“No, no!” the old man exclaimed as Veko turned back to his horse. “Please, Witcher, it’s the Law of Surprise, it’s destiny!”

“Fuck destiny,” Eloise spat. Veko had to agree. But the old man was frantic now.

“To-to go against destiny—“ he continued, before breaking off into a hacking coughing fit that actually had Veko concerned the man would drop right there.

Eloise calmed her father down and held him until his coughing subsided. “Please, papa, you’re going to overwhelm yourself.”

“Eloise, my darling,” the man choked out, “this is all my fault, but please, you cannot go against the Law of Surprise!”

Veko watched the two for a moment before clearing his throat. “Maybe—maybe we can work something out,” he said. Obviously the man was only getting more and more worked up as the conversation went on.

Eloise glared at Veko for a moment before crossing her arms. “It’s ok, papa,” she said, still glaring, “I’ll talk with the Witcher and sort this whole thing out.”

“Y-yeah,” Veko said. “Um. Do you wanna...?”

Eloise grabbed him—actually grabbed him, the balls on this woman!—by the arm and dragged him behind the house, towards a small stable and paddock where a few goats were housed.

“Alright, Witcher, listen,” Eloise snapped. “I don’t believe in all this ‘destiny’ bollocks. The Law of Surprise is bullshit.”

“Hey, I’m with you there,” Veko said. “I normally get like livestock or food or stuff like that.”

Eloise sighed and bit at her nail, staring out across the paddock. “My father believes in all of it,” she said. “My mother died when I was young. Destiny, papa always said. It’s garbage. But my father... he’s very old. I need to take care of him. Whether I believed in all that shit or not, Witcher, I cannot come with you.”

“And I don’t want you to!” Veko exclaimed. “I can barely take care of my horse properly, let alone a human. You’d get killed or something. Why would I want you to come with me?”

Eloise scoffed. “I can think of one reason,” she said bitterly. Veko rolled his eyes.

“Oh please, I’ve got two hands and enough coin set aside for that.”

Eloise actually cracked a tiny grin. “Regardless,” she said, “my father isn’t going to let this go. And I don’t want this to work him up anymore than it already has. I’m afraid for his health.”

“What do you suggest?” Veko asked.

Eloise thought for a moment. Veko’s scar started to itch. It always did at awkward moments, or at least it seemed to anyway, and this was about the most awkward situation Veko had ever been in. This woman was actually... strangely intimidating! Veko turned away to scratch at his face, which seemed to break Eloise out of her thoughts.

“Do you... want something for that?” she asked. “We have some salves in the house just... in case we...”

“No, no, that’s fine,” Veko said as she trailed off in thought. After another moment, Eloise suddenly clapped her hands together.

“I’ve got it!” she exclaimed. “I know how we can appease my father and still make this work.”

Veko nodded awkwardly. “That’s... good, yeah. Um—“

“This will be your home,” Eloise interrupted.

“I don’t follow.”

“Simple,” Eloise stuck a finger in the air. “You’re a Witcher—you travel. So you must spend a lot of the money you earn at inns and on food and things.”

“Or I just sleep outside,” Veko cut in. Eloise waved him off.

“We could tell my father that the Surprise you’ve claimed is the right to come here and stay whenever you’re in the area. Or rather, the right to my home as your home.”

“How does that factor you into it, though?” Veko asked.

“Technically my father saw the house before he saw me,” Eloise replied. “Plus, we could say that I’m a part of the house, that I keep it for you. Or that the house and I are a package deal.”

Veko crossed his arms. “Do you think he’d buy that?”

Eloise crossed her arms back. “He will if you say it.”

Veko ran a hand through his hair and blew out a puff of air. “This is crazy,” he said.

“You claimed the Law of Surprise, Witcher,” Eloise snapped, “not me.”

Veko started scratching his scar in earnest now. “Ok, but what about the village? What are they going to say about you being ‘claimed’ by a Witcher?”

“Frankly I don’t give a damn what they think.”

“What if you want to get married someday?”

Eloise guffawed. “See, that’s the other thing,” she said. “I don’t want to get married. Ever. Having a Witcher ‘claim’ me as his would get every man in town to leave me well alone. This helps all of us.”

As Veko thought on it, Eloise slapped his hand away from scratching his face again. At his shocked face, she merely glared back.

“You’re something else, you know that?” he said. Eloise grinned.

“Why, because I’m not afraid of you?” She laughed. “You bleed just like the rest of us, Witcher. So what do you say?”

Eloise held out her hand and for a moment, Veko actually hesitated. Not because of the deal itself, but because this woman was truly unafraid of him, of seemingly anything, and it made him feel... vulnerable in a way he wasn’t used to. After a moment, Veko gently took her hand—and wow, she had a hell of a grip for a human woman, too! “Deal,” Veko said.

“Now to tell my father,” Eloise said, already starting to drag the Witcher back around the house.

As it turned out, Eloise’s father was thrilled with the idea. Eloise could stay with her father, destiny would be satisfied or whatever, and Veko would get free food and lodging whenever he was around (which probably wouldn’t be for a very long time anyway). The only problem was that Eloise’s father seemed to take Veko “claiming” his daughter and home as... well... essentially Eloise settling down with the Witcher “to start a family”. Veko was mortified but Eloise just smiled and nodded, going along with what her father said until he looked away and giving Veko a look that meant under no uncertain terms would that ever be happening.

A few details still had to be hashed out, but Veko wanted nothing more than to get as far away from this town as possible. How the hell had a drowner contract produced this much trouble?

Later, Veko reunited with the Cat caravan and Hamra. His brother chuckled softly at whatever look was on Veko’s face, and when Hamra signed asking how his hunt was, Veko groaned.

“Took out some drowners,” he said. “And... and Ham, I think... I think I got fucking married.”

Hamra actually burst out laughing, the first time the smell of surprise and amusement replaced the sour guilt that hung to his brother like a cloud, and Veko couldn’t help but join him.

Fuck the Law of Surprise, Veko thought. Never using that again.

[purplesurveys]

1195

survey by n0b0dysp3rf3ct

—:: Who ::—

... was the last person you saw face to face? I passed by my brother last night when I had to go to the kitchen to fill up my tumbler.

... was the last person you texted or messaged online? Angela; I was just asking her for the difference among A4/A5/A6 since I’m now planning to buy a binder and sleeves for my rapidly increasing collection of photocards and postcards. It really frustrates me that A4 is the biggest one and A6 the smallest :((((

... was the last person who asked you for a favour? Kata, my manager. She filed a half-day leave last Friday to get herself and her family vaccinated in her town, so she had sent me over a very long to-do list of deliverables that she asked me to fulfill while she was out. Eventually she ended up filing a whole-day leave since she felt feverish after being under the sun all day, and also possibly from side effects of the vaccine, so I ended up carrying the entire workload for the day. I like Kata and she’s a very easy person and superior to work with, so I honestly couldn’t complain about it.

... was the last person you lent something to? Ooh, I don’t remember. I don’t really lend people things.

... was the last person who told you a secret/confided in you? Andi was just sharing to me their worries about taking the LAE (scheduled for today) and how they’ll be okay if they don’t pass.

... is the tallest person you know? Jo is like 5′7″ and we all look like beans when standing next to her. One of my uncles is also very tall; around 5′10″ or 5′11″ if I’m not mistaken.

... the shortest person you know? I think Aya? That’s just a smart guess, though; I haven’t seen most of my friends in more than a year.

... your oldest (in years) friend? Mik is turning 28 this year. Sometimes I forget just how much older he is than me since we vibe really well together during the rare times we did get to hang out. I’m still bummed we never got that smoke break we wanted to have.

... is the oldest (in length of time) friend? Angela.

... is your youngest friend? Hannah was born in 2000. Peter was born in 2001 but we aren’t that close yet.

... is your newest friend? I haven’t made any new friends recently. Stan Twitter is lonelier than I thought it would be; everyone is already friends with everyone so it’s hard to break that space. Not to mention everyone is also grossly younger than I am – I keep seeing profiles with ‘2004′ on their bio :/ I should start making an effort to look for older ARMYs lol, I definitely feel like I’d have more fun that way.

... is your closest relative? My eldest cousin on my mom’s side, my Kuya.

... was your favourite teacher? My music teacher from high school. I neeeeeever liked music as a subject and it was never a priority of mine, but she always kept our classes something for me to look forward with her advice and the way she was always able to make lessons interesting.

... was your least favourite teacher? Those who made it clear they didn’t like me, even though I didn’t do anything to deserve such hostility.

... did you spend the most time with when growing up? My siblings and cousins since we all lived together at one point.

... knows you the best? My two best friends.

... always beats you in games or sports? Andi would probably be able to beat me in any game. They just let me win because they know I can be a sore loser.

... who is the most creative of the people you know? My family is pretty artistic and I have a lot of talented relatives - my sister and my cousin Maggie paint and draw; my mom can make any kind of craft she wants, with her hnds; and one of my grand-aunts regularly does paintings. I think all of them are amazingly creative in their own way.

... is the funniest person you know? Probably Andi. Hans makes me crack up too.

... is the most organised that you know? My mom.

... that you know has travelled the most? My dad. Both our fridge doors are filled from top to bottom with magnets from places he’s travelled in due to his line of work. He’s toned down quite a bit in the last few years and has taken to staying within Asia, but back then his traveling history was super expansive – Germany, Jamaica, Italy, Belize, Aruba, Italy, France, Monaco, Denmark, Norway, the UK, US, Estonia, Portugal, etc.

... has always been there for you? Angela never left my side.

... has given you the most personal gift? I can’t possibly pick, my friends are pretty good at giving me gifts...like Andi getting me a Petals For Armor CD and a Punk shirt that hasn’t been produced in a while, and Angela giving me a personalized Friends mug because she knows I like my coffee and she knows I like Friends.

... has an annoying laugh? I don’t think anyone I know has an annoying laugh.

... never forgets a birthday? That would be me.

... do you live with? My parents, my two siblings, and our two dogs.

...,do you have the most in common with? I’m not so sure about this one, actually. I share bits of my personality with a lot of people - like me and Jo liking BTS, me and Andi liking wrestling, Blanch and I having similar personalities, me and Laurice being super meticulous when it comes to our work, etc. - but I haven’t met anyone who’s virtually a duplicate of mine when it comes to my traits and interests.

...is the sportiest person you know? I’m also not sure. Most people I know are into watching a bunch of sports, but none of them actually play.

...was your last missed call? It was an unknown number that I kept ignoring because THEY WOULDN’T TEXT WHO THEY WERE. If you have enough load credits to call me multiple times, then surely you can text me and introduce yourself first, and maybe then I can pick up the phone.

...did you last open your door for? My sister knocked last Friday because someone wanted to talk to me via landline. It was weird since no one calls via the phone anymore, but I have a gut feeling it was that ^ same person who had been trying to call me through my phone but never texted me. Eventually I learned it was one of the bloggers I’m talking to for work who just wanted to ask a few questions about our ongoing engagement.

... has your heart? Kim Taehyung. Expect the same answer for this type of question moving forward.

... has your respect? I gotta hand it to Tina for consistently doing well in her studies and excelling in every subject while doing photo and video editing for two orgs, working on her thesis, and being a board member in our mutual org, all while living alone. She does so well I wish I can tell her to give herself the occasional break to avoid burnout.

...do you share a special song with? I don’t think I have that with anyone.

...do you miss right now? Literally allllllll my friends.

...last made you angry? It’s been a while since I’ve directed my anger towards another person. When I get pissed off these days it’s usually over a situation that goes awry or out of my control.

...did you last buy a gift for? So this was not technically meant to be a gift, but what happened was I accidentally secured two orders of the same poster set, which was a part of this new BTS photobook coming out later this month, from two different shops. One of the shops merely posted an ‘interest check’ for the poster set so I signed up for it thinking it was harmless, but when they got back to me they already attached an invoice :/ I ended up having to pay for it just so things won’t get complicated between myself and the shop anymore; and I told Angela she can just keep the extra set I bought and that she can consider it a gift.

...did you celebrate your last birthday with? My family and technically my workmates since I didn’t file a leave that day. I also had food delivered to their house so I guess that can count as my ‘celebration’ with them.

...have you gone to a concert with? I went with Angela for my first Paramore show.

...can make you laugh? Anyone can tbh. It’s not very hard to make me laugh.

...has taught you how to do something? Nina taught me how to embroider and do basic needle/thread skills back when I was still getting into the hobby.

...has lost something of yours? I am almost certain my ex never kept the handwritten letters I used to write her. She never seemed to remember or bring up the things I wrote.

...has broke your heart? Gabie but I’m over it.

...has stood you up? Hasn’t happened to me before.

:: What ::

Is your favourite colour? Pastel pink.

Can you do that most your friends can’t? Type fast, apparently.

Is your birthday? April 21.

Colour eyes do you have? Dark brown/black.

Form of transport do you take to work/school? I work from home. But under normal circumstances I would drive my car.

Music do you like to listen to in the car? I connect my Spotify to the car’s Bluetooth and listen to whatever artist or playlist I’m into at the moment. The music I put on could also depend on my current mood for the day.

Languages can you speak? Filipino and English. I’ve also been able to pick up looooots of Korean phrases and expressions because of the amount of content I watch. I’m nowhere near fluent, of course, but I’m increasingly able to pick up what people say based off a few Korean words I’ll hear in a sentence.

Was the last thing you drank? Continued from idk. I finished off my glass of water from dinner.

Was the last thing you ate? My mom made pasta.

Time did you wake up this morning? Depends on how late I slept the night before and how tired I was, but it usually ranges between 5:45–7:30 AM.

Colour are your bedroom walls? They’re white.

Drink do you usually order when eating out? I never order drinks unless I’m at La Creperie, in which case I always get their San Gines hot chocolate; for everywhere else that isn’t a bar, I just get water.

Food can you cook well? ...I can’t cook.

Animals have you had for a pet? Dogs, rabbit, lovebirds, goldfish, and technically a cat but she was mostly Nina’s.

Are your initials? RC.

Kind of activities do you like to do on the weekends? I’m still kind of stuck at home during the weekends :/ so I can’t do much, but I’m not complaining since I actually prefer staying in these days. Anyway, most recently I’ve taken to catching up on BTS content I’ve missed over the last 8 years, so I like watching shows they’ve done like Bon Voyage, Run BTS, etc.

Movie do you know line by line? Two for the Road, TITANIC, and probably most of White Chicks.

Band(s) have you seen in concert? Paramore, One Direction, a bunch of local bands.

Do you buy/get to treat yourself? It’s usually food - I like giving myself a feast every Friday night - but I’m putting that in the backseat for now as I’ve realigned my money to be spent on BTS merch. My big purchases are saved for the albums for now, but every now and then I’ll see a postcard or photocard I like and buy them. Once I complete the albums I’ll be moving on to the concert DVDs, then the special packages, then probably BT21 plushies. Needless to say I have a longggggg way to go haha.

Colours your phone cover? I have a clear case.

Part of the world would you love to visit? Another continent would be nice.

Question do you dislike being asked? Even though I know people mean well, I don’t like being asked “How are you?” but tbh it’s more of a me thing because I just never really know what to say.

Subject were you good at in school? History.

Careers do your parents have? They both work in the hospitality industry.

Brand of clothing do you buy most often? For clothes clothes I’m not really loyal to a particular brand; I buy from different brands and shops all the time. But for shoes, I like sticking to Nikes.

Chocolate bar is your favourite? Not a big fan of chocolate bars. I love Reese’s Cups, though.

TV show have you watched every series of? Friends, Perfect Strangers, Breaking Bad.

Radio station do you listen to the most? It’s a little hard to tell at this point considering I haven’t driven regularly in over a year. But back when I used to do it, I usually flipped among 93.1, 99.5, and 87.5.

Podcasts are you subscribed to? I’m not the biggest fan of podcasts. Find them a tad bit boring.

Is your favourite dessert? Macarons or cheesecake.

Can’t you do that most around you seem to? Ride a bike.

Are 5 qualities you value in a friend? Loyalty, thoughtfulness, honest, sensitive to my needs and those of others, and intelligent.

Are 5 qualities you value in a partner? ^ Pretty much the same thing.

Size pizza do you usually order? Family size usually.

Cuisine do you like to order or cook? I’ve been getting Japanese so many times recently. I rarely go outside sushi.

Colour(s) dominate your wardrobe? Black and white, and colors that were in at one point like mustard yellow and pastel pink.

Toothpaste brand do you use? Colgate.

Sounds can you hear right now? My insanely loud aircon.

Is the weather like today? Like hell. I believe we’re reaching a heat index of over 50ºC every day now, so...that’s fun. It gets absolutely difficult to work in the afternoon when the temperature is at its most brutal, and its times like this I wish I got to work in the office so that there’s aircon and I could at least work comfortably :/

Are your plans for tomorrow? Just work and have tons of meetings, the usual.

:: Where ::

Do you keep your phone when not using it? I keep my phone near me even when I’m not using it since I could always get an important notification.

Were you born? Manila.

Do you go to unwind? Most days it would be the rooftop, but under normal circumstances I like staying at a coffee shop somewhere to escape life and my responsibilities for a short while.

Is your best friend right now? I believe they’re both at home since they have no reason to be out anyway.

Can you go nearby to have a good time? Personally, I would just go to the Starbucks near our village lol. If I’m feeling a bit more adventurous I’d head to Katip, which is prrrretty close by but not quite.

Is the nearest restaurant? We have a McDonald’s literally right beside the village. Then besides that is a Shakey’s, and right across that is a Burger King, then the aforementioned neaby Starbucks. Just makes me realize how urbanized my town has gotten in the last few years.

Is the nearest beach? If I had to guess, the nearest beaches would be in Batangas which is 2-3 hours away, but it really depends on how fast you can drive lol. I’m not too good with long car rides so in both times I’ve driven there I had always taken 4 hours.

Did you meet your closest friend? I met Angela in grade school, and I met Andi at a local rally in my university.

Did you go for your last vacation? Tagaytay, though it was a staycation more than anything else.

Is the nearest mall or superstore? It’s like a 3-minute drive away from the village.

Did you last get an injury? I have loadsssssss of new scratches and gashes all around my wrists from playing with Cooper.

Is the most extravagant place you’ve stayed at? It’s a toss-up between Aids’ or Gian’s house. Gian would probably win since I never actually got to go inside Aids’ place, and his was the first house I’ve been to that was able to literally take my breath away. OH and Shaun’s house was pretty fucking swanky as well.

Do most the local kids play? I would have no idea since I’m neither a kid nor a parent.

Have you been with your family? This is a very vague question lol...what do you mean where have we been? We’ve been to different towns around the country and several countries together, if that’s what you’ve been asking.

Did you spend Christmas last year? We visited a couple of relatives, and we also spent it at home.

Did your parents grow up? My mom grew up within Metro Manila; my dad in a city a little outside of it.

Did you buy the shoes you’re wearing? I’m barefoot at the moment and always am at home.

Would you like to go right now if you could? If life had still been normal I would probably be having after-work drinks at a bar near the office.

Do you miss the most from your childhood? I’m not sure how to answer this with where.

Is the best restaurant you know? I’m still searching for it.

Will you never go again as it was so bad? It’s not that it was bad, but I’d probably never dine at 8Cuts again because their burgers are not worth the hype and are very overpriced for their size.

:: When ::

...was your last vacation? My family’s last legit vacation was in August 2019; but we did have a quick escape to Tagaytay in January of this year.

...did you graduate? I officially ‘graduated’ from college in August, if you could even call it that.

...did you decide what career you wanted? Somewhere between my 2nd and 3rd year of college. That was when I decided I hated journalism and preferred PR, but since PR is under journalism’s umbrella there was no need for me to shift courses.

...did you have your first kiss? Continued. Like WHEN when or how old was I when? In any case, it was in January 2015 and I ws 16.

...did you learn how to swim? Idk, pretty early on. My parents liked taking us to water parks when we were younger, so we had a lot of exposure. I’m not sure if there was ever a time where something just clicked and I learned how to swim; I believe it had just come naturally.

...did you have your first relationship? By the end of 2014.

...did you meet your best friend? I met both of them in school, but at different points.

...do you feel the most at peace? Probably when I’m able to stay at the rooftop all alone.

...do you usually fall asleep? I’ve readjusted my body clock now (I used to want to be in bed by 9 or 10 PM, lmao) and I stay up until anywhere between 12-2 AM on weekdays.

...do you usually wake up? Ranges between 6-7:30 AM.

...did you last watch a movie? September.

...did you last go to a party? Around Februaryish, 2020.

...did you last cry? I can’t really recall. The last moment I can remember was crying over Life Goes On sometime last month, when I heard it for the first time. I’m just not sure if that’s accurate or when exactly in April that happened.

...did you laugh really hard? I always have a good laugh at least once a day.

...did you buy something pricey last? Idk what you would count as pricey but I bought the new BTS photobook set when it dropped back in April. Cost me around ₱3750. I wasn’t able to buy from the first press (it sold out in like 7 minutes lol) which included an exclusive poster set, so I had to look for a local shop that was already offering the poster set separately, and ended up shelling out another ₱2200 for it...which means all in all I spent around ₱5950 for it or roughly $125.

...did you have an argument last? Earlier this evening but I don’t want to get into it as it made me cry from sadness and frustration for the first time in months.

...did you last have a sick day? May last year.

...did you last recieve a hug? I have no idea. February, I think? when I hung out with my friends.

...when is your best friend’s birthday? July 22 or September 15, depends on which best friend.

...did you learn how to drive? I started getting lessons when I was 17, but I didn’t start feeling comfortable with it until I turned 18.

...did you last receive a surprise? Around a couple of weeks ago when my dad came home with Jollibee for us.

:: How ::

Many pets do you have? Two.

Many houses have you lived in? Three that I can remember, but I know my parents moved around a bit when I was a newborn.

Often do you shower? Every morning before my shift. I hate feeling sweaty and icky when I report for work.

Well can you cook? I can’t at all.

Many close friends do you have? I have two people I count as my absolute best friends, but I have a handful of close friends as well.

Many Brothers or sisters do you have? One of each.

Often do you go swimming? I don’t swim much at all, really...I haven’t done it since 2019, so that should say enough. As relaxing as it is, I feel like the clean-up afterwards can be such a challenge lol. Like if you swim in a pool you have to rigorously wash the chlorine off of you; and if you swim in the sea you have to also be thorough about making sure you’ve removed all the sand from your body.

Many times have you texted today? I don’t think I texted today but I did spend my whole day on chat platforms.

Do you like your toast (colour, topping)? I don’t have super particular preferences; I just like mine on the burnt side.

Do you like your tea and/or coffee? My coffee has to be sweet for me to enjoy it. I can take black coffee/Americano; I’ll just wince a lot with every sip. No tea for me thanks.

Do you like to celebrate your birthdays? With a lot of food.

Are you feeling today? A little frustrated because of an argument incident this evening. But I’m shaking it off and just focusing on the release of Butter tomorrow. My first BTS comeback!!!

Serious are you about your career goals? Very.

Many rooms are in your house? In total, 9.

Many bedrooms in your house? 4.

Did you do in your school exams? I was never consistent. I slacked off a looooooot in grade school; couldn’t give less of a shit about my classes then. I got a bit more hardworking in high school, but I still was a bit lax and I allowed myself to not put a lot of effort in subjects I didn’t care a lot for and that I know I would never have to use in real life, like chemistry or accounting, so there were exams I really excelled in and others that I would fail. It was only in college I started taking my studies incredibly seriously and I believe that showed in the grades I eventually got.

Close do you live to your parents? They’re like, five steps away.

Close do you live to your siblings? My sister’s literally in the room next to mine.

Sensitive to criticism are you? I know it’s something that can never be avoided, so I’m always open to hearing them, especially if it’s meant to help me. It doesn’t mean I enjoy it as it is being given.

Motivated to make changes are you? Depends on my mood and mindset. 

Creative are you (1-10): -0.5.

Hard working are you (1-10): Probably a 22 if I really put my head into a task.

Sporty are you (1-10): I dunno, maybe a 6? I do like playing table tennis, but I’m pretty meh at any other sport.

Musical are you (1-10): 0.

Do you prefer your eggs? Runny yolk; scrambled; or a really packed omelette.

Often do you go out to eat? Before the pandemic, I liked eating out 2-3 times a week.

Would your best friend describe you? Not sure, I never tried asking them this. I hope it’s all nice things, though.

Can someone cheer you up if you’re sad? Send me photos of V. Hahahaha

Often do you meet up with your friends? ...What do you think? D:

Important is religion to you? It is not a part of my life whatsoever.

Old were you when you first stayed overnight from home? 15 or 16, I can’t really remember.

Old were you when you got your first pet? I was maybe 6.

Tech savvy are you? I know enough to survive my own, but I obviously can’t hack into other computers or things like that.

Do you show you appreciate those you care for? Buying them food.

Often do you cut your hair? I only take a trip to the salon once a year.

Often do you paint your nails? Never.

Many countries have you visited? Six.

Boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Just one.

:: Why ::

... did you choose your username? Because it was straightforward.

... did you take this survey? I like surveys made in categories, and this seemed interesting and varied enough.

... did you choose the career you did? I found that I enjoyed it MILES more than journalism.

...did you last leave the house? I had to go to a local LBC for a work errand.

...did you last give up on something? She wasn’t worth the effort anymore. She hadn’t been for a while, but it took me forever to realize.

...did you search the last thing you searched? I wanted to sing along to the song but it was in Japanese, so I had to look up its lyrics.

...would you give up on someone completely? Oof, I guess you can refer to one of the previous questions. ^

:: If...::

You could live in any country which would you choose? Canada.

You could choose any animal as a pet which one? I’m perfectly content with dogs.

You could be famous for something what would you like? Being known for a funny tweet would probably be enough lol. I have no desire to be famous.

You are sad, how do you combat it? I don’t really get sad anymore these days, so I can’t super remember the go-to tactics I depend on...I guess I like listening to sad songs and allowing myself to wallow in the sadness, because I know I have to accept and process my feelings first before I can be able to calm down.  

You can drive when did you learn? I learned shortly before I started college, when I was 18, because no one was going to be able to take me to university when the school year started.

You could have any job what would it be? Idk, I like the one I have now.

You could go anywhere for a vacation where would you go? Somewhere with a completely different feel and atmosphere, like Norway, Sweden, Finland...that part of Europe, basically.

You could eat anything right now what would it be? Samgak gimbap :/

You wrote a book what genre/topic would it be? It would be a book of essays or maybe a memoir.

You had a theme song what would it be? Idk I don’t really think about this.

You could meet any band/singer in person which one? Billie Eilish seems awesome and easy and fun to talk to.

You could act in any movie which would it be? No thanks.

You get married what venue would you like? Hotel.

If you have kids do you have names picked out? I have one name picked out for a girl but that’s it.

Could describe your dream home what would it be like? Brutalist and minimalist, with large windows, cove lights, and a lot of white space.

You could go back in time what would you change? Break up with Gab earlier.

Could use 3 words to describe your childhood which ones? Could’ve been better.

Could get the answer to any question which question would you choose? When I would die and how, just so I can have peace of mind.

You could have an endless supply of something what would it be? Money, because of course.

Meet anyone who no longer lives who’d you choose? My great-grandfather, mom’s side.

:: Can ::

... you ride a bike? No, never learned.

... you ski? I’ve never even seen snow, so no.

... you bake a cake? I can try but it will probably be very clumsily made as I don’t bake.

... you sing well? I wouldn’t say that. I like singing when I’m alone, but it doesn’t mean I’m any good.

... you do your own taxes? I’ve never tried haha so I guess not.

... you remain calm in a crisis? Depends on how serious it is.

... you do first aid? Let’s just say I wouldn’t volunteer if it comes down to it because I feel like I’d commit one fatal mistake that would make the situation graver. 

... remember your best friend’s family members’ names? Both of their families, yes.

... you fire a gun? I’ve never tried so I doubt it.

... your parents drive? Yep.

...your best friend dance well? They’re not ‘dancers’ per se but sure, they can bust out a move or two.

...you make people laugh easily? Not everyone, but sure.

...stand up for yourself? That’s what I’m trying to learn these days.

...you do a martial art? No.

:: Would ::

You like to learn a new language? That’s always a welcome opportunity.

Save the life of a stray animal? Absolutely.

Know what to do if there was a hurricane? We have several ones come in the country every year so yeah, I can definitely say we’ve long been well-prepared for them.

Try a new cuisine? I do this as often as I can.

Risk your life for anyone? Yes.

You like to get back in touch with someone? No, I’m good now.

You drive in the middle of the night to get a stuck friend? Ina heartbeat.

You Know how to perform CPR? In relation to the first aid question, I wouldn’t volunteer myself in case I make a wrong move.

You likely win in a game of chess? I don’t even know how it works, so no.

You stop talking for a day for $100? Easily.

[veliseraptor]

Lise, I don’t know if you’ve talked about this, and please feel free to refuse if too personal, but. If you’ve been waiting for a chance to gush at the fiancé, and how you met, and how you realized you were for each other, and decided to move in together, and all squishy feelings associated: this is your cue.

went back and forth like “okay how much do I really want to talk about my personal life on the internet” but you know what, I talk about my personal life so goddamn much as is, I can be a squishy goober on my own blog if I want to be. 

so the funny thing about a lot of the stuff with me and the fiancee is that there’s a lot of cliches involved, mostly “we met on our first day of college” and “we were best friends before we started dating” both of which sound absolutely ridiculous but are also 100% true. honestly: I got out of the car my first day of college, panicking about how I NEEDED TO MAKE FRIENDS RIGHT NOW OR I’D BE ALONE FOREVER, saw someone across the parking lot, and my brain was like 

“oh uhhh how do people make friends? WAVE LIKE A MADMAN” 

(she says that she was convinced that she’d already forgotten someone.)

also hot tip for making friends: the fact that she was wearing a Fire Nation t-shirt at the time made for a great and easy conversation starter. (I was wearing a “Teach the Controversy” shirt with Cthulhu on it, because...yeah.)

anyway, we basically clicked right away, signed up for some classes together, etc. - the other great thing about this was that pretty early on we were talking about fandom, and then fanfiction, and I owned up sheepishly to the fact that yeah, I wrote some fic, sometimes. she asked what my username was and, uh, turned out that she’d been reading my Avatar: the Last Airbender fic for years and recced it on Tumblr in June 2011.

took about two-ish years to start dating though there were at least a few people who were like “wait, you weren’t already” and a number of others who weren’t surprised, because the thing was...honestly the only thing that really changed when we started ~officially dating~ was the part where we started making out? because otherwise...yeah, idk. have you ever had those friends where you like...clicked so hard, and everything just felt super easy and comfortable and you love them so much and just want to be around them all the time? yeah, that. 

also I wasn’t technically out to my parents at the time, so there was a Skype call that basically went “so uh I’m dating Amelia now. also I’m bi”

we moved into an apartment on campus senior year which was kind of an experiment in “can I live with someone else at all” because at the time I legit wasn’t sure I could - ended up going very well, and when we were talking about what to do after graduating I don’t remember there being...a specific conversation about if we were going to end up in the same place or not? I think there was kind of an assumption that wherever we went we were going together. which...ended up being the slightly insane idea to jump coasts to New York where neither of us had a job or knew...basically anyone, which remains, I think, one of the craziest things I’ve done?

ended up going all right, which sometimes feels like it was more in spite of than because of anything I did. 

and we’ve been...here ever since? started talking about the Marriage thing about...oh, a year and a half ago, maybe? and now here we are. started at the Reed parking lot, now we’re here? or something like that.

and sometimes I think about the whole cascade of circumstances that had to line up for us to meet and click and get together, and it’s...a lot? and just feels kind of crazy that there are a whole bunch of other universes where we never even crossed paths - where I went to college early, or she didn’t take a year off, for two easy examples, and like...I already feel insanely lucky and like I kind of tripped into a really good thing? but that just makes it feel more true. 

[everythinghiveswap]

I finally got a curiouscat (it’s EHiveswap) so here’s catchup on all the questions hiveswap devs answered before now:

18 Nov Anon: To your knowledge, do any of the rustbloods have psychic powers? Personally I hope Diemen has some. hamesatron: i think they all have relatively weak telekinetic powers. i like to think that marsti can just... clean herself of dirt.

18 Nov Anon: of the official friendsim tunes you've worked on, which is your favorite? hamesatron: clownfucker

18 Nov Anon: favorite song in hiveswap? (even if unreleased) hamesatron: one of the strifes in act 2 is a toby/james production that is extremely good

19 Nov Anon: How much music are you producing for Hiveswap act 2? Really love your songs dude hamesatron: a lot

22 Nov Anon: what's the hotdog troll's name? hamesatron: Aysha said she named him HUNGRY JUGGLR

28 Nov Anon: Canon marvus voice????? hamesatron: the WHATS POPPINNNNNNN guy

28 Nov Anon: mr. roach sir, what is chixie's lusus? hamesatron: huge cow

6 Dec Anon: do clowns have to have face paint? hamesatron: they probably just like it a lot

9 Dec Anon: Do you know if the change in the Troll Call page is indicative of anything going on with the game production? hamesatron: yes

9 Dec Anon: I get the impression that prior to the friendsims quite a few of the trolls weren't as well defined as they are now. Do you know if it's wound up sparking any act two rewrites by any chance? hamesatron: writing staff has changed

15 Jan Anon: Ok this is a really dumb question but can you PLEASE tell me what went through your mind when you wrote kuprum and folykls route. I love it with all my heart but how did you get the idea of gremlin makeout 2018 aufarah12: idk i guess i've read too much fanfiction so if someone sucks power out of someone else, idk. they gotta suck power out of someone's mouth.

15 Jan Anon: if mspa reader could go back to alternia one last time who would they go see first? aufarah12: tagora

15 Jan Anon: Is galekh x tagora canon??? aufarah12: yes

16 Jan Anon: This comes from a place of genuine curiosity and isn't supposed to be sarcastic or anything but why is lanque one of your favorite characters? aufarah12: i've loved him since his design was revealed. i love homme fatales. and i like jerks.

16 Jan Anon: Which volume was the hardest to write? aufarah12: Chahut, because clowns are not in my comfort zone, and marsti, because i struggled with how to give her depth and not make her just a classist joke or someone you needed to "save".

16 Jan Anon: In a hypothetical scenario in which they’re actually together and got more interaction offscreen, What quadrant...... are marsti&folykl in aufarah12: probably a flushed/pitch flip

16 Jan Anon: how would mallek and xefros get along aufarah12: mallek would be chill and friendly and xefros might think he was making fun off him

16 Jan Anon: tegiri and azdaja. both nerds. what quad do you think theyd be perf in aufarah12: probably pitch although they might just kill each other

16 Jan Anon: How did you get your job working on friendsim? Did you have a specific fanwork that got you noticed by Hussie? aufarah12: i met him through mutual friends but i'd be disappointed if he hadn't read AT LEAST my popstar davekat

16 Jan Anon: why is fol and kups relationship so... horny for a moirallegiance aufarah12: different strokes for different folks

18 Jan Anon: how do you pronounce chahut? aufarah12: cha-and then sort of an elision between "hut" and hoot"

18 Jan Anon: I listened to your appearance on that homestuck podcast (Great job by the way!) and you mentioned how you originally planned for folykl and kuprum to be at a party? my question is....how so. like party crashing or do they actually have other friends. also thank you for making them so delightfully awful, they constantly make me feel bad about my taste in characters in the best way. aufarah12: i was picturing that super shitty nerd club they go to in hackers. where there's a bunch of idiots roller blading and playing video games

18 Jan Anon: Skylla was awesome, agreed! Do you think she has a chance at anything with Konyyl? aufarah12: i think the real question is, does konyyl have a chance of anything with her?

19 Jan Anon: If Mspa Reader did something bad to a friend how would they try to get their forgiveness? aufarah12: time travel

19 Jan Anon: does hussie own your characters or do you own them? aufarah12: skaianet industries "owns" them. the way marvel owns spiderman. if i wanted to say, write "the gross adventures of folykl and kuprum" i'd have to get the boss's permission.

19 Jan Anon: Why did Reader leave his planet? aufarah12: earth sucks

20 Jan Anon: How much of a character's personality were already laid out for you and how much did you make up? Did the friendsims determine how they'll act in act 2? aufarah12: depends on the character. i got basically nothing for polypa or chixie. for skylla i got a big description, dialogue sample, and a bunch of farm memes.

20 Jan Anon: do you know the lusii of the trolls you've written and can you reveal them to us? aufarah12: i haven't really thought about any that weren't actually in the route. konyyl's is probably a bear or a lioness. oh! chahut's is a duck. a small duck that she keeps in the sink.

20 Jan Anon: mspa reader true sign? aufarah12: well @summoning101 has declared them to be a prince of void but i don't know when their birthday is. possibly they're a leo.

20 Jan Anon: Did you ever work for WP in a formal capacity, and if you did are you still one of their employees? aufarah12: yes.

20 Jan Anon: what’s a skylla konyyl hate date like aufarah12: there will probably be some punching

21 Jan Anon: do you have any classes for the trolls you wrote? aufarah12: not really...classes area SBURB thing, and these trolls don't play. but...boldir i think would be a seer, and skylla would be a knight. so another knight of time i guess.

21 Jan Anon: How do you pronounce roixmr? aufarah12: i pronounce it roy-mer

27 Jan Anon: How often are trolls born with wings? It has to have happened at least more than once, and is it more common among lower bloods? aufarah12: I don't think it's a very common mutation, since we only ever saw Rufioh, but it has to be common enough to have become myth. so....maybe it's happened a couple times?

27 Jan eviemaybee: how come lanque be older than bronya traceExcalibur: take this with a grain of salt because I don't know if my information is still up to date but I think Bronya is supposed to be the oldest of the jadebloods

27 Jan eviemaybee: i assumed she wasnt because lanque got confirmed as legal age but bronya didnt traceExcalibur: presumably, that's just because it was considered important to make it clear wrt Lanque because of the content of his route

November 18, 2018 - January 27, 2019

[the-canine-king]

i answered all 50 questions in that oc question post

note: i'm only talking about the ones i made lol i was gonna link them all the character’s names to their profiles but that shit’s way too much work so: https://toyhou.se/CanineKing/characters/folder:all/tags:1/tagged:Original

1. Your first OC ever? hmm, there's probably two answers 1) an unnamed character who was basically a fantasy dressed fox kemono boy. do you remember playing a game as a kid where you look out the window in a car and you imagine someone doing sick parkour beside your car? he was the character i imagined (there was also a whole other story i dreamt up where i was some long lost princess from other world and he was gonna save me from this one but that's a whole other thing) he's technically a character i thought of but never thought of anything beyond that, i don't think i ever drew him either 2) 4 (maybe 5) characters i made in middle school where it was about these characters that come from families that can bend one particular element, and they're all friends on school trying to get used to their passed down powers and also be basically kid superheroes. i drew them out and gave them names, but i never wrote anything beyond that, but they were definitely ones that i would call my first actual written ocs 2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs? -looks at ace, eliott, and mel- no 3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else? yup! before i wasn't so big on the adopt thing, but i turned into a fan w/ collecting designs and writing a lil story for them! i adopted 38 characters, and one other that's currently still in the process of trade :P (and unfortunately trying to purge some away) 4. A character you rarely talk about? unfortunately that'd be a lot of characters bc i'm super focused on drawing ace/ mel smooching for the 548787th time 5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? i'd probably make it eliott bc who else doesn't love a cute, shy, goat boy on the internet 6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related? ...... i can't think of any lmao 7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories? i literally only make ocs to make stories so 8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here! nah i can't do rp stuff :'D 9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else? honestly, not really if i made them lol but i guess i can if i'm not attatched to them and such, so if i just made a design and offered them up then yeah i can trade them (unless i love their design lol) 10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? even thought i haven't fully drawn my plans for his outfit, azazel would be the most complicated in my standards 11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? me personally, i'd say eliott bc that baby boy is trying his best story wise, either thorne or lucas (but totally lucas since thorne is a liar at heart) 12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot TOO MANY AUGH the very first oc i fell in love with but was forever homes was like a fantasy setting character that was an adventurer and had eagle legs/ other features w/ banging colours but other than that too many others 13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs? again, a lot, i guess. bc they mostly fall into that trope? aiden (even though he's trying to be a better person), damien, eve, hugh (in a way), jack, ollie, ricky, roman, and wyatt 14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory uhhhh, hard to choose, i don't have any more bc i haven't written their backstories yet lol - growing up as a theif his whole life to support him and his mother, accidentally kills someone after an awakening of powers and is had to run from his hometown - growing up being shadowed over and forced to be someone that they're not, only to get their hubris get to them, causing themselves and others get hurt and can't even remember the person they loved - growing up w/ betrayal after betrayal she closed herself off, but they met someone and slowly opened up and accidentally fell in love w/ them, only later getting caught and fell from grce, then only to find the person they trusted before not remember them - after being caught on what seemed to be a fatal accident, gets rescured from a miraculous surgery, but he's slowly forgetting what he looks like and who he was every passing second - two people close to each other, only to end up w/ betrayal and lies 15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people? absolutely but if they ask me something i haven't planned yet i'm just "UHHH" 16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? 17. Any OC OTPs? nah ace/ mel is my notp :/ anyways if it's couples in general then: - ace/ mel - lucas/ darla - kaiko/ caspian - + a bunch of the parents in the monster family story - damon/ ollie (okay i'm really not planning for them to be together, but they cute u.u) - jebediah/ demon boyfriend - gunther/ harem - nadiya/ her girlfriend which i still haven't decided if i want her to be like a princess or a traveling swordsman of sorts) - the chimera girl i designed/ her human girlfriend - the fallen god/ mercenary 18. Any OC crackships? uhh i actually don't know :V anyone of the people listed  being w/ someone else would be a crackship? idk every other pairing i know i wouldn't like lol 19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why) i guess eliott! i guess also catherine, ricky, comet, and/ or captain since they were my fist group of ocs i wrote a bit about, but i think eliott means a lot more bc he was the one that got me thinking more about ocs  :> 20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)? for some reason i feel like rosa would be a singer? va hc would be someone w/ a strong husky voice and she would probably sing really well in kind of old slow songs you hear in old bars i also thought maybe lillie could sing too, but they’d usually be softer songs or lullabies to calm herself down it’d be nice/ cool to write for fallen god to be able to sing as well, and maybe the mercenary too so they can have nights signing together. maybe fallen god can sing songs that are in their own god language or whatever, and mercenary can watch in awe there may be others but i can’t think of them rn/ they might be charas i haven’t fully made yet 21. Your most artistic OC lmao it’s a bunch of ocs that i haven’t developed my ocs enough for me to know so let’s skip i guess 22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? i mean, people get some stuff wrong about my ocs sometimes but they’re usually so small that i really don’t care about it lol 23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like? hmm they relatively stayed the same personality wise but i assure you everyone’s changed from their initial drawing of them 24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why? that's. a really hard choice actually lol bc i wanna be hugged by one of the parents in the monster family story i made, but i also wanna hang out w/ the characters that i can comfortably hang out w/ lol 25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?) everyone’s got a bit of shared piece of themselves w/ their ocs don’t they? 26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? against my will? i can’t think of anything that i changed against my will so no :V 27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? the only two i can come up rn are: alistair (devil wears a suit and tie) and rosa (o, raven) 28. Your most dangerous OC? i guess the chimera girl i made since she’s trying to fit in the modern life? i mean i still haven’t thought of her story yet but i know she Angery 29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going? ace, aiden, maybe keaton 30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? mel, eva, roy 31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really) eliott: landscape stuff, muted colours, mystical content here and there ace: default theme, memes, probably has a side blog that’s more of an aesthetic blog mel: super aesthetic blog, romance themed 32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? literally anyone in the renegade group i could’ve said anyone in the hunters group but they’re all fucking idiots (lee would be more closer to the renegade’s level tho) 33. Your shyest OC? eliott, roy, audrey, fallen god 34. Do you have any twin characters? i literally want to design twin ocs just to have twin ocs jdshfkjsdf 35. Any sibling characters? audrey, dylan, and elle + eve and juno + ace and jack 36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? nah not really lol 37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human ?? i barely have human characters in the first place, unless this one means humanoid :V 38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? iiiii can’t think of anyone other than the two parents i thought of that i’m planning to be dance teachers lmao 39. Introduce any character you want i haven’t drawn them yet but fallen god and mercenary are two unnamed characters that i recently started thinking of where fallen god falls from the heavens and looses their sight, and the merc runs from their past meet and they team up together w/ the merc being fallen god’s eyes and the fallen go being their protector 40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share! i guess it;s just sentimental ones like, first ocs, first compliments, first art/ fic of them, etc. 41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!) YEAH AND EVERYONE DRAWS THEM CUTER THAN I DO (well i mean these were from freebies, art trades/ games, and gifts but still) please check out ace’s other’s art gallery and eliott’s other’s art gallery, bc they have the most of them (bc i ask for them a lot lol) 42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods? whoever in middle school age i guess 43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess big n beefy, jokesters, heart of gold 44. Something you like about your OCs in general that i made them all (well of course not the adopted kids) 45. A character you no longer use? everyone every time i don’t focus on their story anymore than i used to ;;;; 46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly? fortunately no, and i hope no one does and it’d stop to others bc wow that’s rude as hell 47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child? okay literally the first time i made eliott, everyone i knew wanted to adopt him as their kid lol 48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure eliott, parker, elle (i love all of them tho :’D) 49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes ace, roman, ricky, aiden, dylan, eva, ollie 50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want i love all of my babes okay good night

[canaryatlaw]

okay, let’s go. today was decent, nothing too exciting but not bad. woke up at 6 and got ready, I had both court and clinic today so that’s a real double whammy I had to make sure I was ready for. we were super short staffed because one of our staff attorneys was scheduled to be out and then another had a doctor’s appointment all morning (leaving just 2 of us) and then our receptionist called in sick so we had to have an intern cover the front desk for most of the day and things were a bit nuts. we had a few volunteers by the time I was heading up to court but we like had to close for the moment because there was nobody in the office, but hopefully my case wouldn’t take long. they were basically just meeting with a mediator to see if they can reach an agreement, so once that was all set up I was able to go back down and open clinic. we sadly only ended up with two cases for the day just because of volunteer schedules and one client having to leave early, so that was kind of annoying but it is what it is, having a slower clinic day can be a bit of a relief, especially when it’s a double header like this was (and of course as the regularly scheduled Tuesday person I’m the only one who gets the double headers when we rotate mondays). on the whiteboard where we keep track of which cases are where next to my name under clinic manager I wrote “the sequel” since day 1 was yesterday and idk if anyone else found it funny but I was amusing myself, lol. but yeah, rest of the work day ended up going pretty well. headed out around 5, it’s getting dark so much earlier now (and it’ll be even worse after daylight savings time hits, ugh) it’s like completely dark out by the time I get off the bus, which was annoying. Ooh, something to note though we did get an email from the soccer league about playoffs starting next week and found out we were actually ranked second in the standings right now which is like !! a really big deal!! I thought it was anyway because our first couple games were kind of rough but we really started working well together as a team and have really been kicking ass the next few games. The set up is that the 1st ranked team (that barely avoided a tie with us last week) and the 4th ranked team (that we beat last night) going at 6:30, and then at 7:30 we’ll face off with the 3rd ranked team, and the winner of that match will go directly to the final game at 8:30 facing off against the winner of the other game (which, let’s be real, is going to be the 1st place team). I definitely think we can win the first match, we’ll see how it plays out but it’s definitely doable. Playing again right after is gonna be a stress, but given how well we did playing against the 1st placed team last week I *think* there’s maybe a small chance that we could win this???? like I don’t want to get my hopes up because I know it probably won’t happen, but that would really be so cool and would make me so happy. that would be awesome, but really I’ve just enjoyed this season so much. I feel like I really gel with this team really well and feel like an actual team member, not a liability who can’t keep up thanks to my weak lungs and just screws up every time I’m near the ball anyway, and like....I missed this so much. And it’s not like I’m pushing myself to get here, my body seems to be holding up just fine which is a freaking miracle, especially with my lungs. but yeah, I’ve just been really, really happy with all of it and I’m super sad the season will be over next week, but a bunch of us are gonna try to get a team together for a 7 v 7 indoor league over the winter, which would be cool for us to actually register as a team, not just individuals who get thrown together on the team for individually signed up people. so hopefully that would work, because I’d really love that. but anyway, back to life. Once I got home I changed into more comfortable clothing and got some food, then watched last night’s episode of Black Lightning, then one episode of One Day At A Time before Arrow was on. okay episode, not my favorite but not terrible. I’m interested to see where they’re going with the future kids coming back to 2019, so that will be fun to see. After that I went back to ODAAT and watched a few episodes of that before showering and starting to get ready for bed, and now I’m here. meds are definitely kicking in and my eyes are heavily drooping right now, so I’m gonna end this here and go to bed. thank god I can sleep an extra half hour in the morning. Goodnight dearies. Sweet dreams.

[youremysputnik]

what I loved about DEH / Stagedooring DEH

awkward laugh - i don’t remember exactly when this was but i think it was right before only us? (I looked it up it’s during if i could tell her!!) zoe and evan are talking about something and taylor just turned away from mal toward the back of stage and went “hahaha” really awkwardly and i don’t know it was really funny

panic attack - during you will be found, evan drops his notecards and i know the different evans do this differently. taylor started repeating “sorry um... uh umm sorry uh” and then started breathing really hard and i was like “oh no i know what this is nonono” and he basically laid on the stage for a bit having a panic attack until he saw the tie. this moment really resonated with me because it was so real and i know much panic attacks suck

awkward hand touch - during the scene “you’re breaking up with me” when zoe tells evan she’s not breaking up with him, taylor was standing like two feet from mal and awkwardly stepped forward, touched her hands at her sides and went “thank you”, she then returned the gesture and went “don’t mention it” and they both laughed pretty hard it was so funny (i have seen the obc boot in a long time so i’m not sure if this happens all the time)

circle in ywbf - ok this was the moment when i really realized i was seeing this show. this is the moment in you will be found when they all turn around to face evan (toward the end of the song) and he’s in the middle and i don’t know it was so wholesome and loud and i loved it

good for you - during their solos and when heidi, jared, and alana are all singing together taylor would just stand there with his hands over his face looking at the person then they would start walking toward him and he would run

so big/so small looking at each other - i bawled during so big so small but it was specifically the part where heidi just held evan and they looked st each other and cried aHH

connor in sincerely me - it’s interesting to see how evan’s portrayal of connor changes how he is played. during sincerely me alex would run around the stage with huge energy and it’s interesting that that’s not really connor at all

sniffles - damn i thought everyone was exaggerating when they said you can hear everyone sobbing and sniffling. i think the small intimate space of the music box definitely helps that!

did you let go - ok i’m trying to avoid huge spoilers so hopefully you know this already but when this scene happened my friend basically was that new pikachu meme and went 🤭

taylors little evan ticks - I LOVE TAYLOR TRENSCH i noticed he wiped his hands on his pants a lot and rubbed his face and eyebrows! my friend (who’s not at all into theatre) even told me “it’s so cool how he does all the little ticks!”

taylor looking around - so we were sitting middle upper balcony but the music box is so small it still felt like we were right there, plus by sitting there we could see all the social media screens anyway whenever taylor would stand at the front of the stage for like a monologue or a song he would look around and even though we were so high up it felt like he could still see us and stare into our souls

waving through a window vs you will be found - i just,,,, love this show and how similar these two songs are in their structure and how different their situations are!!!

end of only us - i think i only put this because it’s funny knowing taylor and ben’s relationship and then watching the end of only us when evan and zoe kiss anyway next

words fail voice cracks - words fail has always been my favorite song and at the beginning of the song when evan is telling the murphy’s he was lying they look so heartbroken and taylor could barely get the first few lines out because he was crying and his voice was cracking and i sobbed he’s such a good actor

sobbing into mic during so big so small? - i put a ? because i couldn’t remember if it was so big so small but it definitely was at the end of that song i think either taylor’s mic was on and shouldn’t have been or he just usually doesn’t sob there but he let out a few audible sobs and again it really shows how great of an actor he is

michael crying during to break in a glove - i don’t remember ever hearing about this happening before but during to break in a glove michael could barely get some lyrics out because he was crying so hard ansjsnen i love this cast

awkward but touching hug after so big so small - the only reason i wrote awkward is because taylor’s arm was like weirdly squished between them and it around lisa but i couldn’t really come up with another word anyway they held that for a while and if was so cute

evan gets pushed—beginning of waving - ok this was really the moment i realized i was seeing dear evan hansen when alex pushed taylor and he slid and the lights changed and immediately started waving through a window i almost lost it there AND NOTHING SAD HAPPENED YET

sky’s jared NEEDS MORE APPRECIATION - ngl i was very sleep deprived when i wrote most of these notes but i agree sleep deprived christine! he was so funny!!!! please love him!! his laugh was awesome too!! rivaled will’s

MALLORY BECHTEL - her voice was so pretty and nice i love her so much!!!!! “she so cute!!” -my friend

monster that i knew - mallory paused for so long here and it was a really interesting i love her

zoom away bed zoom in table - this is like the first thing that happens, evan’s bed moves off and the murphy’s table comes on idk maybe i was a little sleep deprived but it was kinda funny to me. also ngl i forgot that jlt was still in the cast and that was a very pleasant surprise!!

evan? EVAN - taylor trensch is amazing. he yelled a lot and that’s something i didn’t really see from the clips of the other evan and i really liked it!

not all jazz - i think this was about the yelling again but also it’s such an iconic scene i’m so happy i got to see it

you want to say it again don’t you? very much so yes - sorry, i’m sorry. you say sorry a lot don’t you? yeah sorry.. i mean... you know what i mean. PRICELESS. taylor plays awkward so well sksjejdkenen

larry realizing and crying during ywbf - michael looking around at all the screens and starting to cry when he realizes he can’t deny connor’s death forever was such a good moment!!

jlt and michael hugging - this piggybacks on the last one since it’s basically the same moment but when jennifer hugged michael she was so far up on her tiptoes

social media voices - i don’t know why it caught me so off guard that the social media voices during ywbf were the same as the ones on the recording but it did? like idk i guess i’m just used to the cast recordings being better (?autotune) than actual shows but those voices literally being the exact same threw me off?

also last thing phoenix made a speech for bcefa, they were selling a bunch of things with the proceeds going to bcefa! they were selling the cast taylor wore that night for $500! so i took this picture during that speech because i’ve seen people film then so i’m assuming it’s allowed??? 😉

-

i’m going to put stagedooring on this post too since only two people stagedoored

* we stood for a long time but there wasn’t a lot of people at the stagedoor because i know my school had 250 people there and there were other groups that had to go.

* we were originally supposed to be back at 10:30 but they extended it to 11 so we were able to stay out later!

* i’m surprised some of my friends were willing to stand around but i think they knew this is what i really wanted to do!

* michael park came out first and i was at the very beginning so i was the first person he talked to! all i really did was thank him for such a great show! when he was signing someone else’s playbill i quickly yelled i loved tuck everlasting! not sure if he heard it or not, it kind of sounded like he said “i loved it too” but don’t quote me.

* then lisa brescia came out and we told her how much we loved the show and how thankful i am for them coming out and stagedooring even after such an emotional show and she was like “we do it for you guys!! you’re the reason we do this!!” i love her!!

* i heard later that she actually graduated from a school in my state and someone’s mom actually knew her!!

* i didn’t take selfies with anyone because i heard stage management was really strict but other people were

* honestly i was working myself up to talk to taylor and thank him for everything but then he didn’t come out. i’m going to be writing him another letter soon!

* we waited for a bit longer then the stage manager said there would be nobody else so we walked back :)

* then last night i got both of these notifications: :)))))) taylor liked my tweet and david korins (scenic director) commented on my instagram!!

[malvchis]

hello it’s violet Back with another late intro ! this is me from the future :-) i rewrote this intro like a little over three months ago and i’m too excited to play him to write it a third time so just like this post and i’ll come to you for plotting ! but until then here’s my angsty / lowkey softie / highkey garbage Son <3 for future reference i’d like to say this vine is also 1000% him okay thank u for ur time

a CHARLES MELTON lookalike just rolled into new york city in their PORSCHE 911 SPORT CLASSIC. MALACHI ROTHSCHILD just had a birthday bash for his TWENTY-THIRD  birthday. i doubt he’ll make it here in new york city since i hear he tends to be DOGMATIC, but on the other hand he is STOIC. ( cismale & he/him )  

「 *.:｡*𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓼. 」

FULL NAME: malachi saul rothschild. NICKNAME(S): mal, m, kai. AGE: twenty two. DATE OF BIRTH: july 15th, 1996. ASTROLOGY SIGN: cancer sun, aries moon, capricorn rising. GENDER: male. PRONOUNS: he / him / his. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: heterosexual. LANGUAGES SPOKEN: english, spanish, some greek. OCCUPATION: musician. BIOLOGICAL PARENTS: cassandra & wren rothschild. STEP PARENT(S): tba. SIBLINGS: lilia rothschild ( sixteen ). PET(S): none. CHILDREN: none. RELIGION: grew up in a catholic household, but agnostic. DRINK / DRUGS / SEX: yes / yes / yes. FACECLAIM: calum hood. EYE COLOR: brown. HAIR: brunette. HEIGHT: 6′2. RIGHT/LEFT HANDED: right. TATTOOS: i’ll come up with this later but he def has a spongebob tattoo on his ankle he got when he was drunk TRAITS: diligent, altruistic, reverent, dogmatic, taciturn, brooding. NOTABLE HABITS: smokes at least three cigarettes a day, zones out during most conversations, drums his fingers against any surface when he’s nervous. NECESSITIES: pack of marlboro cigarettes, airpods, vintage band tees. LIKES: sweatshirts, naps, driving, adrenaline, performing in front of huge crowds. DISLIKES: cantaloupe, sleeping alone, not meeting someone’s standards, materialism. DISORDER(S): generalized anxiety.

「 *.:｡*𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂. 」  

so my backstory is gonna be pretty similar since i haven’t changed that at all and it’s already pretty fleshed out heh

basically malachi’s parents are well-known by his father owning one of the top 10 law firms in the us and his mom is a child actress turned real housewife star ( think brandi glanville or kyle richards if u watch rhobh )

growing up with a younger sister, he was expected to be the golden child of the family and for a little while he was just that

he got good grades and did whatever his dad told him to do like growing up malachi looked up to his dad so much that was his idol

so taking over the law firm and all was fine because he wanted to be just like him u know

then one day at a friend’s house he played guitar hero and his life changed…. Forever :-)

i wish i was kidding but it literally did

he bought the game and would play it for HOURS straight but it wasn’t a real guitar so he went out a bought one and the rest is history <3

malachi was taught to always say the right thing and never truly learned how to express himself so he did it through writing and eventually the guitar and writing kinda tied in together

and of course his dad didn’t approve heh ! which was understandable at first because his grades started slipping in middle school and he kinda got lost in music

also he kinda stopped taking himself so serious and lowkey became the class clown charm is all apart of the rockstar lifestyle it makes sense fight me

so he was getting in trouble more frequently and his dad was getting sick of paying off whoever he needed to make it all go away u know

and i feel like malachi was given internships to go to every summer when he turned 15/16 and he never went to those :-)

it got to the point where his dad would like physically throw his guitar to smash it and he’d threaten to cut malachi off if he didn’t take his future seriously ( tw: drug mention ) and so malachi had to resort to selling his mom’s antidepressants at parties to pay for his equipment because his dad was cutting him off

and he’d try to reach out to his mom but she’s honestly off in her own world and she loves pretending everything’s fine sdjksk it’s a lil dark but it’s FINE

so i think for the sake of keeping the family intact he played along for a little and was basically his dad’s puppet for his junior/senior year of hs

but he dropped out last minute and moved to new york to start his music career all by himself fun :-)

he’s lived in new york for about 5 years now so keep that in mind ok omg i think that’s all

「 *.:｡*𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓽𝔂. 」

before i start i’d just like to say his vc is joji but for purposes of him performing at coachella with his boys, his second vc is mac demarco !

i’m picky and idk which voice i like better for malachi so we’ll see :)

ok so in my first intro i said he’s a lowkey softie but i was wrong

he’s a HUGE softie 90% of the time it’s bad but my excuse is that he’s a cancer so he’s sensitive aubrey

he doesn’t really show it unless it’s through song writing though because he’s a cliche but that’s the best way for him to do it

he’s a very boombox over the shoulder kind of person 

definitely a mix of being rebellious and stubborn ! he doesn’t really know how to listen to anybody besides himself because listening to himself has gotten this far so u know

basically that gifset of kim k going “thanks for your lovely advice but i’m not gonna take it”

relationship-wise it takes him months of fully getting over someone but it also takes him .5 seconds to fall in love with someone new he’s gross

omg he’s also super protective of people he cares about that’s his redeeming quality for sure

he’ll fully punch out anybody that messes with his friends and he’s done it before

oh also he somehow always gets into bar fights ? like 90% of the time without fail it’s either his drunk ass picking on some guy 10 times bigger than him or the other way around so that’s his life honestly

he’s not /as/ reckless as he used to be but if anyone does something dumb he’s definitely there encouraging it

but he’s also the type to just stay home for 3 days straight playing video games or writing music or napping since he loves those

don’t get me wrong though if he’s in the mood to party he’ll go all out and do c*ke off of everyone

he’s a very all or nothing person like there’s no such thing as moderation with him and he doesn’t know her

also he’s kinda oblivious most of the time because he’s off in his own world

basically he’s dumb and he never listens to anyone ever thanks

okay so thank god i actually wrote out some wanted connections and honestly most of them are open now so let’s go to town and just mash a bunch of plots together skdjsk

any brotp plot like “the boys are back” hsm 3 kinda thing thanks

brotps apply to any gender though he needs friends akjskdk

family friends

cousins maybe idk?? anything familial is fine with me

childhood friends <3 <3

one-sided crush that’s probably on his side

first love / exes

literally any exes plot i have pretty good ideas for these that mostly ended badly because of him rip

i just have so many songs that i wanna dedicate to people for plots please

BUT we can do exes that ended good or bad because of your muse i’m not picky

good / bad influence

roommates omg if u have to live with mal good luck but it’ll be FUN someone volunteer

enemies or some kind of rivalry/competition thing

frenemies :-)

fwb but also enemies with benefits

crushes that never went anywhere

omg a summer fling hello please

just tell me what u want and i’ll come up with something hehe <3

[100percentdirtball]

the delightful @possumpossumpossum asked me th’other day about my time at camp, and i just started writing to her, and in the end i’d written a fuckin’ novel, and i know some other folks have been curious, so... here’s this thing.

content mentions: csa, drug abuse, suicide, a whole lot of love

the camp is called camp grounded and there are eight rules: no digital technology of any kind; no telling time equipment or using time; no talking about work, including what it is that you do; no age talk, age doesn't matter; no drugs or alcohol, cigarettes are ok but only in like one little zone; no glow sticks or blinky lights; explicit consent is needed for any kind of physical contact; leave your name behind, use a new name of your choice until the closing ceremony. there were like 350ish ppl there, at this camp in the middle of fuckin nowhere in the redwoods.

it's been a really really huge part of my mom's life, and she billed it like it was going to be this whole big transformative thing for literally anyone, and i thought it sounded a little goofy, my attitude basically was like-- it'll be dope to not have to answer phone calls and see some trees for a couple days. right away tho like right away, it's just... well, once ppl start showing up, you get together with your village. everyone is in a particular village of 20-30 ppl, a little subgroup, if it's a tent village everyone pitches their tents in the same zone, cabin villages are all in the same cabins. i was in jackrabbit which was a tent village and so camp starts with a getting together with your new village and doing some like, silly icebreaker games but also like... pair off randomly by a silly method and make eye contact with your new partner and just like, get intimate for a minute. we talked about how we picked our camp names, what we wanted to get out of the weekend, and... idk, already i just was feeling really good about these ppl

on the bus ride up i was sitting with splash and sunshine who were from philly and we bonded a little bc i'd been there ever, and princess proton and lulu who knew each other from previous camps and this guy pickles was sitting next to me who was kind of a weird dude from colorado and it was his first camp also and after we talked a little it turned out he had gone to a rehab thing in this part of the country so we bonded over bein sober buds

the first jackrabbity ppeople i met were bee bee sting who gave me this AMAZING nametag thing to replace my very bad nametag and the counselor ladybug who like is basically a perfect human??? one of the things we did in the group thing was go over the rules, and talk about why those rules are the rules, and about setting a like intention, a what we hope ot get out of the weekend, and by this time i had been with camp folx for like six hours so i was starting to Feel It&tm and i said my intention was that like

what i do in my life is say no. and saying yes to everything is a ridiculous goal, but my intention was to say no deliberately instead of reflexively, to see if maybe there was a yes hidden in the no.

THIS WILL BE RELEVANT LATER

like, that's the thruline, like i am going to tell you more about camp, but... there were only like two or three times the whole weekend where someone offered connection or activity or whatever and i said no, and it wasn't actually even because of my resolution most of the time?? i said yes bc i felt safe and loved and accepted the whole time, the whole whole time.

like, i don't know that i can describe what it's like to be in a place where at any time, with any person, even a stranger you're passing on one of the trails, you make eye contact and you smile and you say hi and it's a real actual connection, even if it's just for a moment, it's a real being acknowledged as another human spirit, nothing rote or formality about it

it was so easy!@!!! i don't talk to people, like i don't do that, but i was standing in line to get breakfast and the guy in front of me was looking a little like he didn't have anyone to talk to and i didn't so i was just like, hey what's up? it was the last day of camp and i just asked him like, what's one thing you're going to take home with you? and we had like 20m of conversation, and we got into some real deep stuff. and it felt as easy as breathing. his name was sparkle.

i feel like i'm skipping from one place to the other, like there isn't a cohesive narrative here, and that's something i'm always wanted about, but i just don't know how to describe it, i don't know how to show you what it felt like so i just keep pulling little trinkets out of my bag and putting them next to the growing pile and hope if i pull out enough the shape will make sense

there was a talent show, and i think it speaks volumes about how open and inviting the community is that out of like 350 ppl 55 people signed up for the talent show, including a lot of ppl who had literally never been on a stage before. there were people who were, speaking from a critical standpoint, not super good at the thing they were doing, and also legit professional performers, and the crowd!!! responded in exactly the same way for each extreme!!!! and it didnt' feel forced at all

i found out after camp was being broken down that the talent show started at 9 pm, and went 'til almost 3am. it moved from one stage to a smaller stage, and i was like third from last, and still there were thirty or so people in the audience. i closed the stage out, i wanted to be there to the end. at first i was upset about going on so late but it was so perfect, the audience was in just the right place to receive me and i was in just the right place to tell a bummer fuckin story about my shitty granddad. two spots before me a woman named fulfilled got on stage and worked her way slowly and faltering through the story of forgiving her brother for molesting her and her family for covering it up, then a guy named happy feet who did a dance and stream of consciousness about, i don't know, maybe taking too much ecstasy and just wanting to stay high forever, and then me, and then an opera singer, and sprinkle lifestyle talking about his ex-best friend blaming him for her husband’s death, and then a man named rabbi doing a guided meditation about finding your perfect self and becoming it

i cried so much, i already cry a lot but i cried so much, and i cried in front of other people, and i didn't wipe my tears i just let them fall and let myself be red and smeary and blurry and people joined me

at the 90's themed dance they played a song one of my old friends who committed suicide used to play, and bee bee walked me away from camp and just held me and then took me to the typewriter village and i wrote him a letter and then i went back into the place and danced to nirvana

there was a tea spot, a yurt where there were tea tastings and people ended up falling over each other, and i met a woman named scoby and she said "can i put my head on your shoulder" and we watched scarecrow, real name john craigie, and then the set ended and we started walking and she curled her arm around mine and we took the long way and i said, "our eyes will adjust, thank god for the moon" and we sang rent and talked about how we ended up in kind of the same place but by different routes, how she was poly and working on not falling in love so easily, and how i was just starting to allow myself to want intimacy again, and we slept together in her tent all tangled up, we talked about how we really definitely wanted to fuck, but also really didn't want to do that and i looked for her in the morning but she had already left

i was saving the last picture on my disposable camera for a picture of her but she had gone so i took a picture of myself instead, i hadn't taken any of myself

i read tarot, i read for myself and i read for a bunch of other people, and there was a tarot workshop, and i did that and we sat together in a circle and passed decks around and i cried and cried and cried when i pulled the queen of cups. i've seen the queen of cups a lot of times in reading for myself and it's always been someone else, some external force, but in that moment it was me. i had brought my deck, and it was the first time anyone other than me had touched it, and i could feel the hum of the camp in the cardstock when i read for superman later in the day, and justice jumped out of the deck, and i sat with him and his wife danger and we puzzled over the cards and then i laughed and laughed and laughed because he chose to call himself superman and we couldn't figure out what justice was supposed to mean

in the hotel last night i cried for an hour, by myself, walking from the bathroom to collapse on the bed to shuffle back towards the taps, ,how can i leave all that behind? how can i be in the real world again? how can i go back to being closed off, go back to being jack instead of dizzy?

when rabbi walked us through a field holding fallen stars, each one of them a crystal-encased version of ourselves, a past or present or future that could be, and he asked us to find our perfect self, what i saw was how i looked in that moment, i saw the me at camp, the me who everyone says couldn't stop smiling, the me who speaks soft and true, who reads cards and holds hands and says yes instead of no and has a shoulder that looks like a good place for your cheek

[impandagrl]

Four Fandoms

I was challenged to post four of my favorite fandoms and why I love them by @whovian1077. Thank you; this should be fun! Not gonna lie; I’m probably gonna cheat a little. I’m not good at picking my favorite out of things I love. Also, these will be in no particular order.

1) Star Wars-

All the movies (yes, even that one; that one too) and basically all the books (I can’t say I’ve read all of them, but I’ve read a substantial number)

Favorite Characters- Obi-wan, Han and Chewie, Leia, R2, Chirrut, Jyn, Cassian, K2, Rey

Favorite Quotes- Obiwan has some great ones that I quote all the time (Good job; That’s why I’m here; You want to go home and rethink your life), but they’re mostly in the dry delivery. The majority of K2’s dialogue. Leia-”I’d rather kiss a wookie,“ Han-“That can be arranged; he could use a good kiss!”

How long I’ve been a fan- From the first moment I watched Episode IV I was hooked. I’d say I was probably 12-13.

Why I love it- I love how everything feels like it has its own deeper story. Each planet has customs, language, people. You can fall in love with characters that are on screen for a couple minutes tops (do not get me started talking about Zett Jukassa). The expanded universe is basically a bunch of books full of fanfic that was published. I wrote so many stories myself in my early teens that took place in the star wars universe. I made my own planets and wrote and drew about the inhabitants. I will always love Star Wars.

2) Joss Whedon

Okay, I warned you I was going to cheat. Because of this great man, I get to include the Marvel movies (yes, I’m aware he wasn’t responsible for all of them, but like I said, I’m cheating!) and Agents of Shield, Firefly, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Dr Horrible’s Sing Along Blog as one entry.

Favorite Characters- Iron Man, Captain America, Coulson, Hawkeye, Fitz, Star Lord, Buffy, Willow, Spike, Xander, Zoe, Kaylee, Mal, Wash, Inara, Dr. Horrible, Penny (this was still hard; I feel like I betrayed everyone I left off this list)

Favorite Quotes- Oh, jeeze! “I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you,” “Out. For. A. Walk.- … Bitch.” “It’s a brand new day and the sun is high/All the birds are singin’ that you’re gonna die,“ “B:I wanna be an achiever, like Bad Horse; P:The Thoroughbred of Sin?; B:I meant ‘Ghandi’,” Most of the lines …  

How long I’ve been a fan- I want to say 10 years or so?

Why I love it- They are funny and clever, but also sad and real. The characters are amazing and believable. The dialogue is incredible 

3) Supernatural

Favorite Characters- Sam and Dean, Bobby, Charlie, Cas, Benny, Jody, Donna, Pamela, Crowley, Ellen, Jo, Kevin, Bela, Lisa (shut up), Ruby (both incarnations), Baby

Favorite Quotes- Really? “I think I’m adorable,“ “Fight the fairies,” “Hey, I am your flesh and blood brother … believe in that, believe me … make it your stone number one and build on it,” “Do I look like a ditchable prom date to you?” “It’s okay, boy, that’s why I’m here,” “Don’t ask stupid questions,” “Urination. I understand.” “Dean, always with the scissors!” “No, I’m kidding because clowns are really funny to me,” etc.

How long I’ve been a fan- Since July 3rd, 2016. I was planning on casually watching the first season to satisfy my curiosity and take a much needed break from job and school stress. I was watching the first episode. Dean did something or said something or looked something idk and I said, “I’m in trouble.” Then Sam said/did something and I said, “I think I may have made a terrible mistake.” I was right.

Why I love it- I love so many things about this show, but it all comes down to Sam and Dean. I could tell right from the pilot that these were well done, complex, characters that were also well-casted. Individually, I would have fallen in love with either of them. Together, with the dynamics of their brother relationship, I just don’t see myself getting tired of it. Combine it with the incredible acting ability that only seems to get better (how?), the fantastic side characters, the amazing/crazy fandom, and the actors’ relationship with each other and the fans …  well, I’m just glad I didn’t know when I popped in that first dvd: I probably would have been too scared to sign on for 13 seasons (wow, that’s a lot of emotional trauma)

4) The Chronicles of Narnia

The 7 Books by C.S Lewis. The most recent movies were okay. I watched an old BBC rendition once that was equal parts good and terrible.

Favorite Characters- Lucy, Edmund, Mr. Tumnus, Reepicheep, Shasta, Bree, Hwin, Aravis, Puddleglum, Prince Tirian, Jewel, The Professor, Strawberry -ah, who am I kidding: Peter, Jill, Eustace, Caspian, Susan, and Aslan of course

Favorite Quotes- “(Edmund:)Girls aren’t very good at keeping maps in their brains, (Lucy:)That’s because we’ve got something in them.” “(Narrator:)Edmund or Lucy or you would have recognized it at once, but Eustace had read none of the right books … He never said the word Dragon to himself. Nor would it have made things any better if he had.” “(Aslan:)Courage, dear heart” “(Puddleglum:)I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn’t any Narnia,”

How long I’ve been a fan- I believe I was 13 when I first read them

Why I love it- I loved the magic, the adventure, the fact that ordinary kids became heroes. The humor. The love and sacrifice. The Narrator. Lewis’ incredible ability to tell a good story.

Honorable Mentions

Anything by Tolkien or Cornelia Funke, Criminal Minds, Pirates of the Caribbean, House (the show with Hugh Laurie), Anything by Ted Dekker, Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events (the books; I liked the movie, haven’t seen the show), Harry Potter, Psyche, The Mentalist, Justified, Being Human-not the bbc version though I saw the first season and found it funny, Person of Interest, Teen Wolf (I’m hopelessly behind on some of these shows), The Walking Dead (fell behind on that too- no spoilers, please!), Pushing Daisies (thanks to @seenashwrite, I’m almost done and I LOVE it!)

[garbageivereleasedintothevoid]

03-19-20 (Thursday)

So I have a tv show recommendation for you.

I used to watch it like all the time. And it has a bunch of really good episodes in it that were actually one of the few lessons I managed to learn in my childhood.

So it was called Lloyd in Space. And it was about this future alien civilization that basically the towns were space stations. Humans exist and all kinds of alien species live together on the station. Lloyd is the main character and his mom is the commander of the station which basically means she's the mayor of a small town.

And I remember one of my favorite episodes as a kid was the one where this new kid comes to the station and the gang and their classmates all desperately attempt to figure out whether the kid is a boy or a girl. And finally they just break down and ask them and they laugh and say neither and everyone is just like what and they explain that their species gets to choose a gender at a certain age which is coming up for them. And at that moment in my childhood I just... Froze. And I hyper-fixated on that idea. I was like "What if I could do that?" And I think that was my first real moment of realization that I hated being a girl. That if I'd had a choice, I would not have been a girl. And... I realized I didn't want to be a boy either. And I just... I felt so alone. It got me thinking but it was sorta depressing for reasons you'll see if you watch the full episode. But like... I just kept asking myself "What am I?" And it became this... Constant whisper in my brain. Not WHO am I? But WHAT am I? Sometimes that question became so loud I just shut down. I didn't know and I eventually just blocked it out. And after joining TSA, I met a nonbinary person. And... I... It changed me. I couldn't stop thinking about them. Finn was the name they eventually chose. One of the founding members of Gender Warriors. At first I didn't understand. I had questioned myself and eventually just accepted that I couldn't change it. But when I learned that there were people out there like me who were at least somewhat happy, something in me broke. My consciousness got jammed between ready to take the next step into the light and hiding in the oppressive but familiar darkness. I knew what I was then. And I couldn't get it out of my brain. But it was a few more years before I finally was able to admit it to myself and come out to friends. And I think it was oy because at that point, there was nothing keeping me attached to my family in any significant way. The only ones I ever felt loved by were my grandmothers. And my paternal grandmother died when I was sixteen. So at 21, losing Granny... I was ready to jump off the train and finally experience the world as me. I was searching for any reason to get lost. To leave. To never come back. And Jessi asked why I needed a reason. Not directly exactly. But she almost did. And I took that as a sign to just take that leap. And honestly? Best leap.

If not for that leap, I never would have met Sara. I wouldn't have gotten on SSI. I wouldn't have gotten Yoshi. I wouldn't have met Eren. Or Grover or Kirt. Or anyone I'm close to now. I wouldn't have grown and changed as a person.

In a way, I think my granny knew I was sticking around for her. And... I know she knew death was coming soon. I think she gave up to give me a fighting chance. And after all the mistakes she made in her life that she felt she could never make up for, I think that was her trying to at least make up for some of it. And I think it was her trying to make up for how she treated George. The queer uncle I had. I think, in her way, it was the only way she could think of to give back to the overall gay community. By freeing one of it's members. Even if that meant her own death. I think she knew all along. I think she chose to go. I know for awhile I thought maybe my mom did it. And maybe she played a role in that. Idk. But ultimately I think Granny knew what was coming and chose to meet it. Both on her terms as gift to herself. And as a way of breaking me of any further obligation I felt towards my family. That... She gave me a gift she paid for with her own life. I just got through crying as I wrote that previous sentence. Idk. Idk how to ever thank her. I know shes gone and there's nothing she can accept that will ever mean anything now but I just wish I could thank her. And as hard as it was to write all that and feel it, I think I needed to. To finally acknowledge what she did for me. And that she did it for me. I know somewhere she's out there watching me and... Smiling at me. She's proud of me. She would be so proud of me for standing up to my mother. For leaving it all behind and blazing a new trail towards a better life... Something she had to do once.

I love her. After everything... I still love and miss my granny.