breathe (zoro x reader)
a bit of a heavy drabble i've been going through it lately, please heed the content warnings <3
cw: established relationship, hurt/comfort, angst, reader has ptsd, implied history of past sexual trauma (reader), night terrors, dissociation, depersonalization, derealization, zoro is doing his best (it's more than enough <3)
sfw but with some difficult/triggering topics, wc: 652 masterlist
It’s difficult for Zoro to see you like this.
Tense, disoriented, and pulling away from his touch, his heart twists as you begin to emerge from a murky, hazy dream; less of a nightmare and more of a reliving of the horrors you’ve endured, the too familiar sensations of fear and panic embed their tendrils into your veins. When the enemy is physical—able to be cut and able to bleed out—it’s much simpler for him to deal with; assessing the unseen threat, he cautiously remains still and observes. He watches you carefully as something between a cry and a shout escapes your lips, and you violently jerk away from him, still dazed, half-asleep, and unable to differentiate him from the monster from so long ago lurking in the foreground of your mind.
“’S just me—it‘s me, Zoro.” he mumbles softly, running his thumb across your shoulder, grip around your waist loosened. Breathing shaky and shallow, he gently turns you around to face him, allowing you to take the space you need from him, fighting his urge to smother you in his arms and protect you from your own mind. Noticing your gaze is unfocused and staring off into nowhere in particular, he gently cups your cheeks and tilts your face upward towards his in an attempt to re-center you in reality.
“Zoro… just Zoro.” you mumble repeatedly under your breath like a mantra, trying to convince yourself it was true. Eyes glazed over, lost in a limbo between the past and present, you were halfway in, halfway out, and unable to shake the feeling of the violation from your nightmare away—not when it felt like it was happening all over again.
He sighs in concern and threads his fingers through your hair as you suddenly bury your face into his chest, aching and shuddering sobs burrowing into his skin. A familiar cycle begins; melting into his arms, you become nearly comfortable, limp, and relaxed enough to return to your slumber, until you suddenly shoot your head up to look for his face, desperately searching for confirmation that it was still him holding you—his heart nearly breaks at the dull emptiness in your eyes, the light behind your stare lost, confused and broken.
Laying down on his side, he gently nudges you to encourage you to do the same and face him. Calloused fingers stroke your cheek, and a wide, rough hand runs in a slow, soothing path up and down your arm, providing you the comfort and contact you craved while still being able to see his face. “’S alright, you’re safe. You’re with me.” he murmurs, pressing soft kisses to your forehead, slowly turning your weak and hollow sighs into hums of contentment, and your sounds eventually ebb entirely into deep breaths as sleep finds you once more.
There is no string of magic, comforting phrases or platitudes he can stumble across and repeat to take your pain away—if there was, he knew he was wholly unequipped to recite them, and that you would be too stubborn and resistant to believe them. Attempts to soothe you verbally fade into nearly meaningless words, especially in a state like this, when your ability to comprehend is clouded by a dense, dark fog smothering your senses. Soft, non-constricting touches, as gentle as he’s capable of giving, and simple reassurances are what you need—he's what you need in these moments of weakness.
Zoro presses one last kiss to your forehead and releases the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding as he watches your sleeping form, tension and agony removed from your countenance.
Peaceful—your face now radiates with serenity and sweetness, a far cry from the twisted, uncomfortable expression plaguing your features while writhing in panic during your nightmare.
Relieved at the sight, he hopes your dreams are now as saccharine as the look on your face.
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I was thinking about this again but,, so in the 1980s the estimate was by the 2000s automaton would ensure that ppl would only need to work 3 days a week.
Can you imagine? Just for a moment. Only working on your weekends??
Defining our weekends not by the escapism of work for a few hours ofnrest and socialization. But rather those are the times in which you put effort into something?
Like working a coffee shop or in fast food or retail? Working for 3 days on some project and or fixing a minor bug to pass off to someone else. Check on a garden. Editing movies. Whatever you call work. But that's the weekend, rest of the time is yours.
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this is just me thinking but I feel like at this stage the fandoms own guilt over how many treated dnp for a long time is bigger than any feeling dnp themselves have about it. even if fans weren't directly part of it, I think a lot of us still carry that history of just how far off things went at certain times. I definitely think as hurt as especially Dan was, he's forgiven us, he's over it (man's had enough therapy) so now most of it comes from ourselves really.
oh for sure like we're all so traumatized from that shit and i think we're still beating ourselves up more than dan and phil ever would but also i don't expect them to ever explicitly say all is forgiven (and they shouldn't have to!) because it's one of those things we (as in us and dnp) don't have a dialogue about and that's okay. i do hope this new era eases some of the guilt though
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