#a catalog of non definitive acts

[p4nishers]

[jeeyuns]

✍️ Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out by Richard Siken

Every morning another chapter where the hero shifts from one foot to the other. Every morning the same big and little words all spelling out desire, all spelling out You will be alone always and then you will die. So maybe I wanted to give you something more than a catalog of non-definitive acts, something other than the desperation.

[unforth]

I've debated multiple times doing something like cataloging racist microaggressions I see in the danmei tags and making a post about it. I generally see at least one a day, and I block the worst offenders. But in the end I'm a white USAdian and it's really not my place. I'm sure I don't even catch them all.

It's a real issue and I've seen a lot of anecdotal evidence that it drives Chinese and Chinese diaspora fans out of participating in Westernized Tumblr danmei fandom, and that's utterly unacceptable.

One of the most common ones I see is how people talk about the character names. For example:

[Image ID: screen cap of a text post. It reads: "This all came about when I was looking at SVSSS memes on Ao3 and went like "My friends nor coworkers would get heads or tails of what in the world these alphabet smash assortment mean let alone know that they're referencing Soecific individuals or novels." End ID]

THIS IS A MICROAGGRESSION. For fuck's sake, people, acting like the names are ridiculous, incomprehensible, outside of what "friends and colleagues" could comprehend, is RACIST AS FUCK. And I see people say stuff like this constantly.

"But I only meant I was struggling--" THEN WHY DID YOU ASSUME OTHER PEOPLE WOULD STRUGGLE THE SAME WAY? STILL RACIST

"But I could say that about the abbreviations in any--" BUT YOU SAID IT ABOUT THIS FANDOM SPECIFICALLY AND CONTEXT FUCKING MATTERS AND IN THIS CONTEXT IT'S RACIST.

"But it was on my personal blo--" LOOK IF YOU WANT TO BE RACIST ON YOUR PERSONAL BLOG I CAN'T STOP YOU BUT IF YOU TAG ORIGINAL POSTS INTO MAIN FANDOM TAGS THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WILL SEE YOU AND KNOW YOU ARE RACIST.

The person who posted the above, when I said it was a microaggression, demanded to know how. So, for them and everyone else in this fucking fandoms, I present what any of them could have learned by googling the term. The definition of microaggression:

(Source)

[Image ID: a dictionary entry for the term "microaggression." It reads: "noun. A comment or action that subtle and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member if a marginalized group (such as a racial minority)." End ID]

What that screen cap says about names is literally the textbook definition of a microaggression.

Chinese names are just names. The way Chinese sounds is just the way a language sounds. Cultivation is inherently based in Eastern culture and cannot be completely divorced from that context even for a cute AU. I'm so tired of seeing posts saying things like "MXTX just stole the plot of (insert Western myth/folktale/fable here)". Do yall realize how fucking racist you're being? Do yall realize how fucking racist even I've probably been by accident because I'm also a dumb white USAdian?

I've been holding this post in for like a year, but the person who posted that screen cap, who doubled-down by posting a non-apology to all the MXTX main tags, and who acted like I'd said something insane when I told them it was a microaggression...they're apparently my last fucking straw.

DO BETTER, WHITE WESTERN DANMEI FANDOM. We all need to learn and listen and knock it the fuck off already. Me included.

Please, please listen when people say "check yourself." Seeing this stuff everyday is exhausting even for ME and I'm not even in the marginalized group. Chinese people (including diaspora) who stay in the fandom here despite the constant deluge are strong as fuck and they do not deserve this and, as a white person, I'm so so sorry white people are like this.

[rowanisawriter]

a catalog of non-definitive acts

cullen/trevelyan written for the gorgeous @trevelyawn for the templartations 2024 collection

.

He thinks so often of her hands, touching him, and her eyes, falling over him easily, and her lips, moving against his softly at first and then with more urgency, so much that the dreams fade into waking life. He reaches for her as she walks ahead of him, leading the way to the war room, and has to stop himself from touching her. Once or twice she looks back and almost catches him. When she catches his eye, she slows down to fall into step with him, slowly moving into his space, pushing against the edges of his daydream.

He pushes back. Theyre just daydreams, just the half baked hallucinations of withdrawal. They don’t mean anything. “The maps for the Wastes are ready, ma’am,” he says, shoving work in between them as though building a brick wall, task by task by map by report by requisition.

“Yes, good,” she says, just like in his daydreams as he pushes her against a wall or a haystack. “Thank you, Commander.”

[zosanficrecs]

"a catalog of non-definitive acts" by demonzoro

~5k Rated T

[sroloc--elbisivni]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Usagi Yojimbo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Leonardo/Miyamoto Usagi, Lord Noriyuki & Miyamoto Usagi, Leonardo & Splinter | Lou Jitsu, Casey Jones & Leonardo (TMNT), Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit & Miyamoto Usagi, Casey Jones & Miyamoto Usagi, Kitsune & Miyamoto Usagi, Leonardo & April O'Neil (TMNT) Characters: Miyamoto Usagi, Leonardo (TMNT), Casey Jones (TMNT), Tomoe Ame, Kazumi (Usagi Yojimbo), Lord Noriyuki (Usagi Yojimbo), Kitsune (Usagi Yojimbo), Big Mama (TMNT) Additional Tags: Elements from TMNT 2003, Battle Nexus (TMNT), Hidden City (TMNT), Worldbuilding, Getting Back Together, Disguise, Sneaking Around, Forgiveness, Looney Tunes Shenanigans Series: Part 12 of bunnyguard Summary:

Or: I want more seats reserved for heroes. Dear Forgiveness, I saved a plate for you.

Leo tried to flatten himself even closer to the roof even though there was absolutely no reason for Usagi to realize he was here. Usagi was preoccupied right now, anyway, carrying one end of a stretcher and talking with its occupant. He also looked like he hadn’t been sleeping enough. What was that about?

...Whatever. Not Leo’s problem. Leo was here to keep an eye out for accidental Krang summonings, and that was it. Usagi said he wanted space. Leo was giving him space.

Or: Miyamoto Usagi and Leonardo Hamato get their grooves back and figure out what they want--separately and together. Also, a lot of other stuff.

it is the last bunnyguard day ever goodbye

[the-cosmos-withinus]

Shadow Puppets AU - The Archivists

General Headcanons

They are the physical manifestations of stars, similar to the character Yvaine in Neil Gaiman's Stardust

Groups of them form constellations and refer to one another as 'siblings' but not as in modern definitions re: brother and sister, they means any relationship in a familial bond

in this case the two eldest, the Archivist and the Preserver would be more closely defined as the parents of this group, which is why they are the most decorated

They are Collectively known as the Archivists after the Eldest in their Constellation, though individuals and pairs have come to be known by other names as well

All of them are non binary, but some of them would have chosen to use pronouns if given the chance

The Archivists technically started the war by attempting to wipe out the Titans, but were acting out of fear after discovering the Titans were immune to their power and the Collector was imprisoned before the conclusion of the war leading the Assessor specifically to begin acting out of revenge

Because they are actual stars, when they die, their corresponding star is destroyed, along with any of their surrounding planets, which means that the actual death toll in the Archivist/Titan War was immeasurable

The Archivist

No face reveal, they are an enigma. The Preserver is the only one who has ever seen the Archivist without their hood

They are eldest of this constellation and founder of the Universal Archive House

Would go by He/They pronouns

They started the mission to preserve endangered species

already more solitary than the rest of their constellation and rarely seen outside of the House, but since the Titan war has become a complete recluse due to blaming themselves for the Assessor and the Cataloger's deaths as well as the Collector's disappearance

The Preserver

The second eldest star in the Constellation, known in tandem with the Archivist as 'the Observers' since they were non-interfering explorers before they began archiving endangered species.

Would answer to she/they pronouns

Was also the one who was closest to the Collector, the only one who would actively stop what they were doing in order to play with him

Openly opposed the war with the Titans and refused to take part in any of it.

They mourn their fallen and have become somewhat reclusive as well, but not nearly as much as the Archivist

Still has faith that the Collector is alive and periodically sends one of his toys out to search for him, this toy is known on the Boiling Isles a the Wailing Star.

The Assessor

The largest of the Archivists, but actually is the second youngest after the Collector

The most hostile and war-like of all the Archivists and if anyone could be pointed at as the one that actually started the Archivist/Titan War, it would be them because of their constant fearmongering

They are the one that the Titan Trappers actually knew as 'The Grand Huntsmen'

Though referred to by the Trappers as he/him and masculine in appearance, if the Assessor ever discovered She/Her pronouns they would have taken them and never looked back

Spent most of the war in search of the Collector and with their dying breath told the Trappers to kill the last Titan in order to free 'them' referring to the Collector

The Cataloger

The Cataloger was the overworked one that never had time for anything, including pronouns (might have tried she/them)

Though too busy for the Collector, they would humor him by listening to him talk about the specimen he collected as they cataloged them

Victim of the Assessor's fearmongering, fought in the war and was the creator of the Draining Spell

The Cataloger was the first Archivist casualty in the war

They have a passing resemblance to Odalia Blight because of a now abandoned plot point of the AU had this resemblance to his sibling was the reason that Astrophel chose Odalia to be 'Mamadalia"

[ecivons]

Zosan/Sanzo Fic list

I just wanted to make a list of the fics I've read/Fic recommendations for anyone out there. The ones in bold purple are my absolute favorites. (A lot have M/E ratings and Adult language)

Falling by sorrowfulcheese - The dialogue.. the pacing.. THE CRUST I loved it all. One of the first zs fics haha, it's only tag is fluff. It barely feels like fluff fluff, this is just Zosans personal brand of fluff.

Liquid Courage by sabershadowkat (E) - Sanji experiences drunk Zoro once and keeps trying to sleep with him. (!! some dubious consent the first time). The last line is what got me.

[I saved a lot of shadowsaberkat works, just scroll through their entire account if you're okay with M+ fics]

Alongside All The Way by sabershadowkat (E) - I liked the Adventures going on in the background of the fic. Sort of a compilation of Zoro and Sanji becoming more and more important to eachother

Bit by Bit by sabershadowkat - Getting together type beat. A few moments of Zoro slowly dealing with his emotions for Sanji.

Falling Blossoms by sabershadowkat - I'm usually picky about established but I love the way they write <3. It's short and sweet. Just a lil Zosan date.

Things Unsaid (E) - Established Relationship. Zoro gets injured and they're forced to wait out a snow storm while working through their relationship. (I love this person's characterization of them wayy too much)

Rules of Love (E) - It’s one of those fics.. (conflict, sex, resolution) just the way I like my Zosan. A little internalized homophobia on Sanji's part.

when you say by bluewalk - Unrequited Usosan. Zosan from the perspective of a pining Usopp. (Beautiful, a bit confusing but I loved reading it)

tricks out of your sleeves by bluewalk - Zoro and Sanji are forced to learn a few things about each other's past. IMO it's written pretty gen. I love the character exploration.

Myalgia by Salmon_Pink - An exploration of how Zoro and Sanji talk about thriller bark (they don’t). They used the mood prompt so well the tension was welling up in my chest the entire time.

Understandable by Salmon_Pink (M) - Another short fic by Salmon Pink because they write the two of them amazingly. Zoro and Sanji who will never be emotionally vulnerable with each other out loud.

destructivity is a poison that runs through our veins by wasteofmind (M.. its E to me) - They want to kill each other.

Residue of a Rainbow by Narcissistic_Ninny (E) - Zoro and Sanji go through a traumatic experience and maybe fall in love too. This person has amazing fics, but this is definitely my favorite. Zoro is good at hiding what he's thinking but you just know..

green with envy blues by adietxt - Really short fic with jealous Zoro. I saved it mainly because the narration is a little funny.

it's a long way forward by donutsandcoffee - Sanji can't smile because of a devil fruit. The strawhats love his smile..

you got that something by adietxt - Sanji is forced to stick to Zoro. Nothing but a bundle of fluff and self-indulgence that I enjoyed all the same.

(failed) Stewardship by LibbyLune - Soulmate AU. Sanji's has been dead for a long time. Author has such an amazing take on soulmates I love it. I love Luffy's especially. P.S. The authors note at the end made me fall to my knees.

the universe told me by rudimentaryflair - Soulmate AU. Zoro desperately hides his soul mark while learning about his nakama's. I like how its almost the opposite of how Zoro and Sanji were portrayed in the previous fic I recommended (when it comes to their opinions on soulmates). I love both though.

blood, salt and idiocy by rosie_peverell - Zoro gets a taste of his own medicine. (Sanji gets injured trying to save him). It's short and cute.

and then the sun came out by demonzoro (shrinewreck) - Takes place in pre-ts, post-ts and future. Zosan realizing they're "friends". Extremely Tender idk what to tell you.

a catalog of non-definitive acts by demonzoro (shrinewreck) - Zoro pines. Nothing I say could possibly convey the emotions this fic makes me feel. You just need to give it a read I promise.

for poor and poorer still by rudimentaryflair - Modern AU. Short and sweet. Zoro finally finds the perfect moment to propose.

how normal people do by rudimentaryflair - Namivivi Pov. This is so funny. I love the best friend drinking buddy dynamic of Nami and Zoro. This fic has funny moments that I remember in public and start laughing to myself about.

paging mr. swordsman by rosie_peverell - If I had a nickel for every Modern AU Zosan ficlet that takes place in a grocery store..

The Fall of a Hundred Things by LibbyLune - Sanji sleeps with Zoro after a party one night and it messes him up. Franky is the MVP of this fic. I love him. (Check out author for more good works)

End On A High Note by thisislegit - Modern AU. Established Sanji and Zoro have problems they need to talk about. (Oh how I love the ups and downs of a mundanely domestic relationship)

In Your Warm Embrace by marimoliciousness - Sanji is an idiot and realizes something about Zoro (himself). They get caught in a snowstorm.

migratory animals by donutsandcoffee - Sanji is strong in a way that fascinates Zoro

that's all for now!! I might consider adding more in the future.

[apple-pecan]

Sin and Punishment (2000)

once upon a time, a small company called Treasure existed. they made a bunch of awesome games but none of them sold particularly well, but that didn't stop them. until the early 2010's in which case they actually did stop. oops. either way they had a bunch of cult classics under their belt and had the idea to partner up with nintendo themselves to work on their first fully 3D game.

thus Sin and Punishment was made and it sold twelve billion copies and solved world hunger and world peace was finally achieved. just kidding, no one bought it because it was a japan exclusive N64 game, a country the N64 did awful in. a north amercian release was in mind from the very beginning (to the extent that all the voice acting is in english and not japanese) but it was cancelled because nintendo are cowards. thankfully they rectified this mistake in 2007 when it got released on the virtual console and it's been playable on all their main home consoles ever since. about time.

so what's the deal? why's this game so good? think star fox 64 with the plot of end of evangelion. it's a rail shooter where you have a rapid fire gun, the ability to melee enemies if they get too close, and a player character bound to the laws of gravity that can walk from left to right, jump, and dodge roll. there is also a worthless lock on mode that you should never use.

what follows is a non-stop barrage of action, explosions and vast amounts of awesome boss fights. so, like the best kinda games treasure made. BUT IN 3D!!!!!!! it's always a rush of energy and fun and there's never a dull moment. but it comes at a price: this game is horrifically short. you can easily beat the entire game in around 40 minutes, and aside from unlocking harder difficulties there's not that much of a reason to play again. except yes there is because the game is fun as balls and you can replay it to get a high score. i guess what im trying to say is think of this more as an arcade game rather than a full fledged AAA adventure, and you'll be good.

if you bought this game back when it first came out (somehow) the steep price would've been an issue. but if you have the nintendo switch online expansion pass, this is included in the nintendo 64 catalog for the low low price of 0 dollars. i mean, besides paying for the expansion pass but. you know what i mean. or you could pirate it that's fine too. either way, play this game however you can, it's the very definition of short but sweet. definitely treasure's best game on the N64, just narrowly beating mischief makers, and honestly one of the best games on the N64 in general. play it, you won't be disappointed.

9/10

NOTE: my favorite part was when saki turned into EVA-01 and said "AWW YEAH IT'S SIN AND PUNISHMENT TIME" and he sinned and punished the evil twin clone of the planet earth so hard it exploded. this joke is still funny right.

[wellntruly]

M*A*S*H (not that one)

I went to Manderley again--rewatched the Altman M*A*S*H. Completely worrying pattern, being nearly exactly one year after the first time I saw it. If I end up watching M*A*S*H (1970) in the last weeks of August every year that’s going to wind me up on some sort of list. By women. And they’ll be right.

I hadn’t known at first, but the eventual realization was as inevitable as anything in the movie, a sort of regrettable slide of “no, I’m gonna.” Why does anyone do the things they do in M*A*S*H. Why does anyone do M*A*S*H. Both of these questions don’t have question marks because it’s just already happening.

There are some attenuating circumstances, sure. War, weather, Robert Altman, a friend, a kind of numb seeking for the sword of time that will pierce your skin. Elliott Gould, probably, also. 

If you embark on a Hot ‘70s Summer, you don’t actually leave it. Winter just falls, and you go into that mode of the ‘70s, bundling up in inadequate materials against the cold, and still somehow, feel cozy. But before that turn, those still, hot weeks hanging hazy at the top of the year, the most Hot ‘70s Summer, 1970, the most ‘70 movie to ever exist: Robert Altman’s M*A*S*H. 

I was an hour and thirty minutes into it before I remembered with a little twitch that at some point, in the beginning, this was set in the 1950s. Hilarious to recall. Maybe it’s the 1950s in Richard Hooker’s book about his time in a Korean War field hospital, also titled M*A*S*H; I do not know. I simply know it is not the 1950s here, it is well 1969 precisely, at filming, and America has just achieved its dismal high water mark for the number of troops currently deployed in Vietnam. This is Vietnam. It’s not Korea, it’s not Japan, it’s the crest of the Vietnam War in a mountain park in California, and a nation knew that immediately, knew that with everything they had, which was mostly nihilism. 

M*A*S*H (1970) dir. Robert Altman is probably the most historically specific film object I have ever seen. You cannot navigate, valuably, anything this movie is doing outwith its historical and cultural context. Some works of art are timeless, and on the other end there is M*A*S*H, made OF time, yanked out of the fabric of it with film cameras rolling and a sound mix that says: all of it, and that act winds up changing what will happen--historically, culturally--as time continues on.

M*A*S*H is its time. It meets America head-on, and leers. It’s not that it breaks something in the culture, it just reflects back something that was already broken, the people already scarring over. M*A*S*H only works if you’re watching it knowing that. Not to be didactic. Something the movie resolutely refuses to be, at any moment, which causes audiences today, removed from the milieu, to question, alarmed, do they know? Do they know that they're awful? Oh yes. Do they also take delight in their being awful? Oho yes. We are all broken. :).

The tagline of this movie, still on a lot of the posters you’ll see, was “M*A*S*H gives a D*A*M*N.” This is so curious to me. It is either a straight up lie, or a key. This would appear a movie predominately peopled with characters who seem, in kind of post-modern incongruity with their surroundings, almost implacably non-committal. Removed, irreverent, careless. Sure it turns callous, sure in trying to deflect the stupid brutality of war they often just end up turning brutal stupidity onto others. A catalog of non-definite acts, something to mask the desperation.

I think a lot about this one Chris Fleming video where he said something like, “ever since my parents grasped that a movie can still be good even if it doesn’t make you feel good, they’ve been going absolutely ham at the independent theater.” Realizing this really does open up your world, and also gets you on lists (I deserve to be there!!). This is how lightly sweating in a slowly turning fan at the end of summer you think, mm, gonna watch M*A*S*H… 

Why? Vibes. But the vibes are bad. Yeah I know. But they’re also….I think the phrase I used in a message to the friend I first watched this movie with, as soon as those opening credits started playing over me again, was “badly enchanting.” There’s something about the way it looks, the way it sounds. Khaki-colored sunlight and dirt and those Japanese covers of old standards playing through a PA system. That Altman calling card layered up dialogue where they somehow arrange it just-so so that you still hear the parts you’re supposed to, god.

This is how you end up saying, oh this movie is not like, a nice time, I occasionally quite dislike the sensation of watching it, and yet also, sometimes it's just what I want to watch. I don’t know, it’s AltM*A*S*H. One minute I’m thinking, incredible that you thought this was funny, and then the next I’m like, you are the only people who understand this particular thing I think is funny. Primarily in that though it’s three things: 1. unhinged heavily metatextual opening and closing pacing & especially this narrating voice at the end just being like “welp, that was that” and rapidly rehashing clips of the cast at ever increasing speed, 2. two Bud Cort moments, 3. GaryBurghoffRadarO’Reilly.

This is the juncture where I get off actually, because if I keep going in this mode about the completely insane thing that somehow happened next, to M*A*S*H and to me, M*A*S*H (1972-1983), we'd be here 10 years and I would die, whichever comes first.

But I will tell you one thing! Just one thing!!! If I’m in what, 1972, much like I was 2022, and they’re like, there’s gonna be a M*A*S*H TV show, and the one person who will be the same is that kid Radar, I’m like oh, of course, the most character who can travel between worlds performance of all time.

[ladyculebras]

a catalog of non-definitive acts ↳ supernatural, Sam/Dean, nc-17, ~30,000 words: read on ao3.

content warnings: incest, past underage wincest/weecest (off-screen). 

Summary:

It's the first time Sam and Dean are together since Sam's become an adult, and everything is different.

OR

Sam and Dean fall in love again.

[consultingjedi]

es recs their friends' trigun fics

all you can do is keep trying by rhiannonwrites

Rated: T

Wordcount: 2k

Summary: mashwood; meryl has a nightmare and her partners comfort her afterwards

Comment: formatting fun AND hurt/comfort AND wonderful characterization

a catalog of non-definitive acts by BisKitty !incomplete!

Rated: T

Wordcount: 1k

Summary: post-canon au where nai and wolfwood struggle to coexist

Comment: a really interesting view of the parallel between nai's fears and what he did to kids like wolfwood

Gravedigger by dedicatedfollower467 !major character death!

Rated: T

Wordcount: 1k

Summary: trimax vol 10 missing scene: vash buries wolfwood

Comment: tears! tears. every trigun fan has their own take on this scene and it never fails to make me cry.

Saying No by millionsfics !sexual assault!

Rated: M

Wordcount: 26.5k

Summary: plantwood modern au, where nai once had a ... thing with conrad that's coming back to haunt him

Comment: truly the plantwood dynamic of all time; each of them understands the others in a unique way, and they're all trying to work through their problems and be better for each other

The Art of Mockery by millionsfics

Rated: E

Wordcount: 4.7k

Summary: T4T4T, vashwood that becomes plantwood

Comment: fun plantwood smut with evolving relationship dynamics and unusual genitalia, what more could you ask for

Poor Heart (Don't Deny) by entelechies and tridecaflop era !incomplete!

Rated: M

Wordcount: 6.6k

Summary: modern au kniveswood meet at a gay cowboy bar

Comment: drunk nai flirting is so so fun and wolfwood is a sweetheart

[gotmolokoplus]

Every morning the maple leaves.

Every morning another chapter where the hero shifts

from one foot to the other. Every morning the same big

and little words all spelling out desire, all spelling out

You will be alone always and then you will die.

So maybe I wanted to give you something more than a catalog

of non-definitive acts,

something other than the desperation.

Dear So-and-So, I’m sorry I couldn’t come to your party.

Dear So-and-So, I’m sorry I came to your party

and seduced you

and left you bruised and ruined, you poor sad thing.

You want a better story. Who wouldn’t?

A forest, then. Beautiful trees. And a lady singing.

Love on the water, love underwater, love, love and so on.

What a sweet lady. Sing lady, sing! Of course, she wakes the dragon.

Love always wakes the dragon and suddenly

flames everywhere.

I can tell already you think I’m the dragon,

that would be so like me, but I’m not. I’m not the dragon.

I’m not the princess either.

Who am I? I’m just a writer. I write things down.

I walk through your dreams and invent the future. Sure,

I sink the boat of love, but that comes later. And yes, I swallow

glass, but that comes later.

And the part where I push you

flush against the wall and every part of your body rubs against the bricks,

shut up

I’m getting to it.

For a while I thought I was the dragon.

I guess I can tell you that now. And, for a while, I thought I was

the princess,

cotton candy pink, sitting there in my room, in the tower of the castle,

young and beautiful and in love and waiting for you with

confidence

but the princess looks into her mirror and only sees the princess,

while I’m out here, slogging through the mud, breathing fire,

and getting stabbed to death.

Okay, so I’m the dragon. Big deal.

You still get to be the hero.

You get magic gloves! A fish that talks! You get eyes like flashlights!

What more do you want?

I make you pancakes, I take you hunting, I talk to you as if you’re

really there.

Are you there, sweetheart? Do you know me? Is this microphone live?

Let me do it right for once,

for the record, let me make a thing of cream and stars that becomes,

you know the story, simply heaven.

Inside your head you hear a phone ringing

and when you open your eyes

only a clearing with deer in it. Hello deer.

Inside your head the sound of glass,

a car crash sound as the trucks roll over and explode in slow motion.

Hello darling, sorry about that.

Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we

lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell

and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.

Especially that, but I should have known.

You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together

to make a creature that will do what I say

or love me back.

I’m not really sure why I do it, but in this version you are not

feeding yourself to a bad man

against a black sky prickled with small lights.

I take it back.

The wooden halls like caskets. These terms from the lower depths.

I take them back.

Here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed.

Crossed out.

Clumsy hands in a dark room. Crossed out. There is something

underneath the floorboards.

Crossed out. And here is the tabernacle

reconstructed.

Here is the part where everyone was happy all the time and we were all

forgiven,

even though we didn’t deserve it.

Inside your head you hear

a phone ringing, and when you open your eyes you’re washing up

in a stranger’s bathroom,

standing by the window in a yellow towel, only twenty minutes away

from the dirtiest thing you know.

All the rooms of the castle except this one, says someone, and suddenly

darkness,

suddenly only darkness.

In the living room, in the broken yard,

in the back of the car as the lights go by. In the airport

bathroom’s gurgle and flush, bathed in a pharmacy of

unnatural light,

my hands looking weird, my face weird, my feet too far away.

And then the airplane, the window seat over the wing with a view

of the wing and a little foil bag of peanuts.

I arrived in the city and you met me at the station,

smiling in a way

that made me frightened. Down the alley, around the arcade,

up the stairs of the building

to the little room with the broken faucets, your drawings, all your things,

I looked out the window and said

This doesn’t look that much different from home,

because it didn’t,

but then I noticed the black sky and all those lights.

We walked through the house to the elevated train.

All these buildings, all that glass and the shiny beautiful

mechanical wind.

We were inside the train car when I started to cry. You were crying too,

smiling and crying in a way that made me

even more hysterical. You said I could have anything I wanted, but I

just couldn’t say it out loud.

Actually, you said Love, for you,

is larger than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion. It’s

terrifying. No one

will ever want to sleep with you.

Okay, if you’re so great, you do it—

here’s the pencil, make it work . . .

If the window is on your right, you are in your own bed. If the window

is over your heart, and it is painted shut, then we are breathing

river water.

Build me a city and call it Jerusalem. Build me another and call it

Jerusalem.

We have come back from Jerusalem where we found not

what we sought, so do it over, give me another version,

a different room, another hallway, the kitchen painted over

and over,

another bowl of soup.

The entire history of human desire takes about seventy minutes to tell.

Unfortunately, we don’t have that kind of time.

Forget the dragon,

leave the gun on the table, this has nothing to do with happiness.

Let’s jump ahead to the moment of epiphany,

in gold light, as the camera pans to where

the action is,

lakeside and backlit, and it all falls into frame, close enough to see

the blue rings of my eyes as I say

something ugly.

I never liked that ending either. More love streaming out the wrong way,

and I don’t want to be the kind that says the wrong way.

But it doesn’t work, these erasures, this constant refolding of the pleats.

There were some nice parts, sure,

all lemondrop and mellonball, laughing in silk pajamas

and the grains of sugar

on the toast, love love or whatever, take a number. I’m sorry

it’s such a lousy story.

Dear Forgiveness, you know that recently

we have had our difficulties and there are many things

I want to ask you.

I tried that one time, high school, second lunch, and then again,

years later, in the chlorinated pool.

I am still talking to you about help. I still do not have

these luxuries.

I have told you where I’m coming from, so put it together.

We clutch our bellies and roll on the floor . . .

When I say this, it should mean laughter,

not poison.

I want more applesauce. I want more seats reserved for heroes.

Dear Forgiveness, I saved a plate for you.

Quit milling around the yard and come inside.

“Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out” by Richard Siken. From Crush, © 2006 by Yale University, published by Yale University Press.

[shivasdarknight]

you want a better story. who wouldn't? {ffxiv, one sided wolysayle yearning}

Chapter 1: I never liked that ending either

&

Chapter 2: So maybe I wanted to give you something more than a catalog of non-definitive acts

❆fandom: final fantasy xiv, ffxiv

❆characters: Ysayle Dangoulain, named Warriors of Light (Gwendoline, Seraphin, Teodore), elezen OC (Melisande), Hydaelyn

❆relationship: minor wol/wol, past oc/laniaitte, past ysayle/heustienne, heavily referenced wolysayle and ysayle/venat

❆dynamic: gen, implied f/f and m/m

❆rating: m

❆key tags: fix it fic, Ysayle Lives AU, recovery fic, POV Swap (Melisande > Ysayle), flashbacks, character study, Ysayle's mine now so I get to decide how she develops from here on out, Spoilers for late Heavensward and Stormblood

❆content warnings: cursing, implied character death, canon typical existentialism, irreality, grieving, character death, blood and gore typical of injuries, needles, family deaths, fire and related injuries, homophobic Ishgard as a setting

❆chapters: 2/? {ongoing}

❆words: 27,108 {chapter 1: 14,966. chapter 2: 12,142}

❆series: Snow and Dirty Rain {Ysayle Lives AU}

In a hail of bullets, Ysayle Dangoulain fell and this is where it should have ended. The Garleans bring her down, the Warriors of Light continue on, and one in particular remains deeply traumatized for the remainder of the story.

But that's not what happened, and somehow: Lady Iceheart yet lives, thanks to the effort of a dedicated few. ...But is this the land of the living? Or is this just one elongated, cruel joke?

Fix it fic/Ysayle Lives AU that's part of my Snow and Dirty Rain au. Timeline goes over the end of 3.0 to 4.0, and is predominantly in Ysayle's POV (chapter 1 is Melisande, chapter 2 is how things will go). From her recovery, to her building a new life for herself - Ysayle's newfound freedom allows her to explore what's going on in Ala Mhigo while the Warriors of Light are in Doma. A few misadventures, a lot of sapphic yearning - all of this to lead into i had a dream about you.

{Read Here}

[askaniritual]

x-men fic

ricstar

there is very little left of me and it's never coming back

Julio is gone. Shatterstar is alone. Everything is not what it seems.

in progress

the prayer of going nowhere

Julio and Star figure things out.

Excalibur (2019) missing scene

out of nowhere

After the end of X-Factor, Star and Ric are far from everyone and everything they’ve ever known.

if marvel ever let me write a ricstar mini, this is what it would be about

to have everything (and give it all away)

“Dude,” Ric said. “Just, like, put your hair up.”

everybody who's written a ricstar fic has written a Mexico Roadtrip fic, this one's mine

a long way back to the light

Good days are ones where he's too busy to think about it, but today's one of the bad days.

x-factor missing scene

everything else

limits of disguise

the rachel has eyebeams fic

a catalog of non-definitive acts

Scott knows what it feels like to want something he can’t have, and to be torn apart from the wanting of it.

I am the worlds most oppressed scott/jean/logan enjoyer

[callmearcturus]

major dirkjake stories:

A Spark, A Flame, A Fire

pump your veins with gushing gold

chamomile, rose water, and other unlikely intoxicants

Jake English Adventure!

you can only take what you can carry to the edge of the sea

we float before the sea at dusk

the catalog of non-definitive acts (with mimsy)

major davekat stories:

The Eurydice Suite

so we don't kill the ones we love

ready to start the conquest of spaces

all the world is earth and water