#a comic with a goofy fucking name and goofy ass characters trying to be this serious is an insane tonal clash

[outletcrash]

reading the war of jokes and riddles (HORRIBLE name btw) and that sad dude was KITEMAN??? FUCKING KITEMAN???? I STARTED TEARING UP A LITTLE OVER KITEMAN???????????????

this crop is unbearably horrible but THE SILLY CATCHPHRASE IS THE WORDS HIS DYING SON THOUGHT WOULD SEND HIM TO HELL????

poor fucking kiteman. side note RIDDLER PUT THEM CHESTICLES AWAY

[r0ttente3th]

hey if anyone wants the Who Killed Markiplier and a bit of Wilford Motherluvin Warfstache lore, heres all of it! (that i know of!)

WHO KILLED MARKIPLIER + WILFORD MOTHERLUVIN WARFSTACHE SPOILERS BELOW!!!!

have fun!! also please have watched WKM and maybe WMLW before reading

so damien, mark, and will have been friends since they were young. there is a woman named celine in all of this, who is damiens twin sister. mark dates celine because he loves her, but she cheats on him with will. so mark of course is beyond fucking angry at will, even though it was actively celines choice to cheat on him. so mark invites them all over for a dinner, all of them being damien, will, abe the detective (not an ego), anddd i think thats it?? other than us, the viewer, the district attorney, who happens to look a LOT like damien. mark dies. will doesnt care too much because he understands mark was angry at him, and damien gets upset with will because yknow, their friend just died and hes kinda nonchalant. so with abe, we start to try and find clues of who killed markiplier, of which will is always a bit suspicious. All the sudden, celine knocks on the door, and lets everyone know that something is happening that involves black/ evil magic.

everyones kinda like, woah, huh? and she just kinda, forces everyone to do some stuff? she does something with a crystal ball in a room, upon another character (forget his name) says "hey, ive prepped for this, we gotta get out of here or youll all die". damien says no, goes in to try and help his sister, and will and abe fight because will is sus. will accidentally shoots abe through the heart, and while we're trying to wrestle the gun away from him, he shoots us, and we canonically die. we wake up in a black void, where damien and celine are there. they explain to us that actor mark has actively possessed damiens body (through the crystal ball thing celine i did i guess??) and has the ability to basically warp time and space, and create his own personal timeline in a way. but before we "died", damien had an encounter with mark (where he learned this info, celine already knew and was trying to protect him ig), and this is where actor mark tells him "im going to make my own story, the one where shit goes my way, but every story needs a villain" and he actively pushes damien to be said villain. anyways, we meet in the void, get informed, and celine tells us she can do something (i cant remember), but whatever happens, whatever she does, results in all three of us, damien, celine, and us, repossessing the district attorneys body. but considering i think it involves black magic, damien, or the body, now known as darkipier, has dark powers as well and is a little bit goofy! anyways, dark decides to be actors villain, but in the way he doesnt want him to be.

Darks entire personality to me is ironic because his main goal is to literally be as fucking annoying as possible, fuck up all of actors storylines and basically just be a pain in his fucking ass throughout the stories he creates

anyways, we wake up to will sitting on a nearby bench, clutching damiens little staff (because he had one), and we can see hes yknow..... fucking shocked! is beyond happy that we arent dead, and proceeds to be delusional, think its all just some funny sick joke, and stumbles off screen calling for damien. and this is where it gets kinda complicated??? so, think of like, each of marks videos as well,,, a video, or a comic book! actor can create videos of his own, and proceed to crawl into the white space of the comic books. dark and wilford (who becomes wilford after the WKM incident, william J barnum quite literally no longer exists) can also do that. each character has their own story, which is obviously written! but william was pushed out of his character because he ran into a scenario that wasnt scripted for him, which is where he becomes wilford warfstache. so what he does, is he spends years hopping into other peoples storylnies, trying to break them out of character because hes the only one who is truly aware. and then "wilford motherloving warfstache happens", where abe comes back (because he wasnt supposed to die), and is actively hunting him down because he killed us, the district attorney.

all he remembers is, the stuff that his character needs to know. he doesnt know where hes been ig, hes just the classic detective noir character. he knows hes hunting down warf, doesnt need to know the specifics bc his CHARACTER already knows it. but, he encounters warfstache! manages to capture him, which im presuming wasnt meant to happen, because this is where he realizes: 'wait.. i dont know anything about where youve been, i dont know any of the specifics, i dont actually have all the places youve supposedly been'. and warfstache manages to break him out of character. abe ofc is freaking the fuck out because that technically means none of this is real, and none of it makes sense. so warf technically presses pause on abes youtube video, and says 'hey, you need to destress, lets have some fun before you have to go back to your story'. because in a sense, wills story already ended, so warf has to create his own story line. he has no destined future. so they dance and have fun because inevitably, abe will have to resume his own story, and warf is gonna be left alone with nobody bc nobody is sentient! which is why hes constantly trying to fuck shit up too! breaks in suddenly in the middle of videos, causes havoc, because hes trying to create a scenario that breaks the person out of their character, so theyre aware like him. anyways, he inevitably starts to go insane and desperate, which is why hes known for 'haha shooty shooty bang bang!' because hes just, kinda fucked in the head i think. anyways we havent had a continuation in awhile really, but thats where they all kinda are atm!!

have fun!!

[evegwood]

Hi sorry just wanna say seeing your answers to the QnA has been really inspiring and cool! I've followed Inhibit almost since the start, which was a lot of my teenage years, and you were a big inspo when it came to trying to create my own comics. Nae worries if I'm late to the party but if you're still open for AMA qs I was wondering, do you ever have to motivate yourself to make pages, or does it just come easy? If you do have to motivate yourself sometimes, how do you go about it?

This is awesome to hear, thanks so much! There are loads of webcomics that I grew up reading as a teenager, so to know that my comic is that for some people is amazing to me.

I do definitely struggle with motivation at times, particularly since the pandemic started. I'm lucky that I have a really big buffer now so it doesn't affect my posting schedule but sometimes I don't work on pages for months because there's something I reaaaaallly don't want to draw, namely cars or multiple people in one panel or environments that aren't just a box lmao. It can be a real pain in the ass to slog through a page that is painfully boring to draw, but ultimately I utterly love the project and that is what keeps me coming back to it. I eventually go and reluctantly finish up those hell pages because it's for the good of the story. Even when something is a passion project, not everything will be fun. A lot of it will suck ass.

One of my most foolproof ways of motivating myself is to listen to my Inhibit playlists, of which I have.. just.... so many. If there's a scene with a particular character I'll listen to their playlist and get hyped up thinking about their character arc and that will give me the energy to sit down and just fucking draw the page with that shitty stupid Urquhart van. My other favourite method is to just let myself move on to the next page; for Book Two I've tried to work on pages in chronological order, even when the entire chapter will be thumbed or pencilled so theoretically I could jump ahead to whatever page I want to draw. But that way lies only more suffering. If I drew all the fun stuff in one go (like I would do for a lot of Book One near the end) then I'd just be left with the boring stuff and would have a worse time of it. But sometimes, if the motivation is reaaally low, I'll let myself have a little treat and draw that one goofy face two pages away.

Most of all, you do have to let yourself be demotivated sometimes. Your body and brain need time to rest from projects. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and maybe you need to go and work on another project for a bit to recharge, or pick away at a different part of the story so you're still technically working on it. If I really, really don't want to draw, I'll look over the script or do a bunch of admin like uploading pages until the urge takes me again. It's a marathon not a sprint, so take your time and accept that periods of low or no motivation are part of the creation process!

--

I'm doing a little Q&A right now to celebrate the launch of the Inhibit: Book Two Kickstarter! If you have a question about Inhibit, comics in general, or anything else, shoot me an ask 🔥

[lordoftablecloths]

vent post i guess i dont know i just wanted to write stuff down instead of just go ing to bed and crying over it you can just scroll past it

im fine im sane im noramal im so unbleiveably cringe ,, the only person i have irl- fuck, or even online for that matter- to show the dumbass things i write is my silly little dumbass younger brother who doesn;t understand what im trying to get at and i guess its not his fault, i seriously doubt he's spent unhealthy amounts of time making various short scenerios in his head about charcters he came up with and eventually trying to give them a story and write little things about them in google docs because where else am i supposed to put this and its just ,, he doesnt know wht im trying to do and i dont know how to explain it to him because the "history" i gess behind it is so fucking complicated by now that these characters arent even the same characters as they were when i originally created them, other than some physical attributes and their names and he just knows them as the random cringe shit i made up in middle school but so many years have passed by now that these stupid fuckers whose only purpose to serve is to make me stop remembering that i exist and ive gotten too attatched to them because who else was i supposed to get attatched to when i was going through an identity crisis at the time- and, quite frankly, still fucking am- and it was so much easier to pretend i dont exist and just project my flaws and insecurities and underlying subconcsious thoughts into these charactes that no one knows about except me and oh god im just created a long ass vent post on tumblr that no one's going to read and no one understands the story behind fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck whatever ill go ahead and post this unfinished thing because no one's going to get it either way ill probably delete it later if it doesnt get buried under reblogs

dont think too much about this i just got sad because my brother was giving me a bunch of criticism on an outline of a story i was working on- which is fair, i need to take criticism- but he only knows the characters in it as their semi-formed cringe versions so i chickened out half way and now i feel bad because i was really proud of this thing for the whopping span of like one day before i decided to show it to another human person instead of letting it rot away inside of me like i usually do and now i feel bad about my writing skills

im trying so hard to just take his words with a grain of salt because this kid does not have nearly as much experience with writing as i do, but i feel like im copying too many of my inspirations (DnD, generic fantasy story about defeating evil creature, silly tropes, etc,,) which sucks because that was just like the first two pages of the outline and theres nine fucking pages and like the second half of it was what i put the most effort into and i felt like the ideas were really origianl but i could make myself let him naturally get to that part of the outline because i was starting to feel really bad and wieerd and oh god he is looking at ideas i havent ever expressed to another human person even though i am very familaiar with because i came up with them and they havebeen in my head for at least a year or two by now and have been haunting me ever since so instead of skipping ahead to the parts that were really good in my opinion but would have made no sense without context i just told him to piss off i gues s

i dont know. i feel dumb. i feel stupid. ive put so much effort into this stuff and the concept that ive been wasting my time feels like too heavy of a weight to handle. god none of this porbobably nmakes any sense ,,,,,,,,, i guess this is why i feel miserable when the fanart and shitpost memes i post get a comically larger audience and attention than the art relating to my silly goofy ocs, because these stupid fucking characters are all thats keeping me going . call me cringe, but is it still cringe if the concept that maybe i too can be around people that love me and instead of having to like me in spite of my faults love me for them keeps me from fucking killing myself is it still cringe?

if a tree falls in a forest and no one's around, does its fall even make a sound? (shit piss fuck sorry i dont remember the original quote and all i can remember is tha t one line from that one musical i dont remember what it was)

if an autistic moron that cant even talk to a cashier without having a panic attack makes a universe full of fictional characters of his own cfreation then an alternate universe, then several alternate universes, then a spin off from that original universe and etc etc but its all just on google fucking docs and no where else except deleted excerpts from a dead wattpad account, did he ever even create anything at all?

its pointless. its all so fucking pointless. its a waste of time. why do i do this at all. its so fucking pointless. it makes no fucking sense. you cant just make a story with characters in it, then make a fucking fantasy au of that universe with the same characters but with different designs and wildly different personalities and then make a whole fucking complicated lore-filled story about the fantasy au version while the original universe's story is still left mostly unfinished like forget about a first draft of the text i havent even finished the first ddraft of the outline yet buckarooooooo

okay fuck you guys thats all i want to tell you im going to go pretend to myself to try to go to sleep and then cry now

[kninedlog]

I haven't been praising Sonic characters on my blog lately. Let's change that!

Here's every current main Sonic character IDW or Videogame and my; I've been with sonic the hedgehog since birth, opinion.

V+Name= Videogame vr

C+Name= IDW comic vr

Name = just assume I'm talking about both iterations or they only have the one of either.

(mostly jokes under the cut. I'm not taking this seriously)

VSonic: He be going; but the development of character is slow and practically stagnant

CSonic: He be going; but, the character development is actively moving along with him.

Tails: He be following; but, he has grown and I am very proud of my fox baby

Knuckles: He be punching. But, he has grown to accept more company. I *really* REALLY like that. He's gonna try to no longer be a loner. That makes me so happy, take that vacation Knux you deserve it boy!!

VAmy: Grown to levels at the age of twelve I never thought I would see possible.

CAmy: Shows me every time she's in a panel why she's still and forever will be my favorite sonic character.

VEggman: His same goofy ahh self. That old geezer is now hell-bent on just ending Sonic at this point.

CEggman: Still has plans and ambitions and still executes the most perfect plan awfully. Why is there a button to fuck you over, sir!

VMetal Sonic: My poor baby gets no love...

CMetal Sonic: This is what I'm talking about! This character hit hard and makes me cry harder!!

VShadow: Could be edgier...

CShadow: I would say the same thing as the video game iteration, but at the time I am making this post the Eggperial city arc of IDW comic has ended and Shadow played a big part in it. And he slayed. An absolute KING 👑 I'm just happy we got to see him a little bit fixed from what we got from the previous arcs. So, ultimate.

VRouge: Haven't seen her in a while can only go off based on what we recently got and fine I guess.

CRouge: A BOSS ASS BITCH! QUEEN! I LOVE YOU 💜💖💞💕💓 She one ups everyone with every line of sassy dialogue and I don't ever want it to end.

VE-123 Omega: Haven't seen him a while, can only go off base of what we've gotten so far, and I still miss Gamma. (Jk jk Omega's still cool)

COmega: A little menace of a preteen in a tank like robot body focused on nothing but being petty towards Eggman! Read the IDW Omega and you'll see the angsty preteen I promise! I love this Omega!

VSilver: He's such a punk.... Where's all the smack you were talking and power you were showing in 06 bro, where'd that go!

CSilver: He's such a punk.... But he talks that smack and shows that power he's been given since 06! Love him 🤍, this is why he'll always be number 2

VBlaze: All we got recently was her in that annoying racing game (it's fun cuz it's a little buggy I'm just trash at it) and the April fools game and in those I'm happy to see her having fun. In any cannon game she's ever been in she's got a stick up her butt. I'm happy to see her smiling more.

CBlaze: A breath of fresh air is what she needs and what she deserves and I'm happy that the comic is delivering. It's clear that her breath of fresh air is her going on adventure with sonic and co. So let her go on a little more adventures though, I wouldn't mind seeing her go on another girl focused adventure with Amy, rouge, cream, bell, tangle, whisper, and Lanolin. That sounds really fun! She'd probably have a blast.

VCream: I don't think I'm wrong about this but the last time we saw her was in GENERATIONS! . . . Need I say anything else?

CCream: IDW has made me find a new appreciation for the characters I never thought about as much since Sonic X. Cream being one of those characters. She's so headstrong, and believes in what she does and, is such a purely good force that everyone that has recently crossed paths with her either understands, or knows, that she will be a force to be reckoned with in the future. That girl is going places, and gonna change the world. We may never see it but the facts are there.

Gemerl: A gem. And I'm happy I got my Omega vs Gemerl fight in an annual issue. THAT made me love their character. So serious about everything unless their allowed to chill out which is everyday considering they live with the Rabbit family.

Vanilla: I don't think I can say anything about Vanilla other than that she's just a good mom.

💚💛💜TEAM CHAOTIX!!💚💛💜

VVector: Since we got him in the April fools game and the racing game he has more coverage to talk about, however he's still just a loud crocodile making the audience laugh

CVector: Yoooo! This guy don't play about his buddies. The metal virus arc... I was ready to cry. I didn't think he would do that let alone be as serious as he was in that arc considering the Chaotix are meant to jokes. Especially Vector with his greed. The comic shows that he's a good leader, and since he's been doing it for years I want to see another mini adventure involving the Chaotix and Knuckles.

VEspio: I don't think we've seen him since Generations either so,.... Still as quiet and ninja like as ever

CEspio: NINJA POWER!! He was, is, and forever will be one of the coolest characters in the sonic franchise to me. As he is; I believe, to be the only one with a definite fighting style and set of skill along with a vibe of mystery that I wish would be uncovered sooooo bad. If you seen that annual where Silver and him had that deep talk, I almost could hold back tears. Again this comic has made me have a serious appreciation for the characters I never thought about so hard since Sonic X. He's perfect, never change Espio.

VCharmy: Again since Generations, all we've seen is a kid.

CCharmy: I have a lot of thoughts on comic Charmy that it's hard for me to put it down. I'm not gonna make the rest of this post a rant/appraisal on this little kid. So this is all I'm leaving you with.

- PART 1 - You're here!

- PART 2 - Here

[its-the-zcu]

I hate MCU stans and I hate their shit takes on the characters when it comes to both the comics and the MCU… The shit I’ve seen MCU-Yelena stans say since this new comic came out makes me want to knock them upside their heads!

Fr, the way the MCU fandom misunderstands and UWU-ify's Yelena to the point where they also do it to her comic version makes me want to SCREAM! A lot of their takes on her be having me feeling like the "He would not fucking say that!" meme 😂😭

“Not that anyone asked me but I think maybe they are trying to give MCU Yelena more of a comic background, maybe even hinting at what her life is like before and after Hawkeye.” Bro, this is the COMICS, not the movies! The stuff that happened in the Black Widow movie and the Hawkeye show DID NOT HAPPEN IN THE BOOKS! If your take was the case, they would’ve just said the White Widow comic is a MCU TIE-IN, but unfortunately, IT’S NOT and we’re stuck with a writer that only knows one version of the character trying to write something for the original version!

“I loved the White Widow comic! She sounds just like our Yelena and it’s the cutest thing ever 🥹 The only reason Yelena is getting more prominence in the comics is bc of her newfound MCU popularity and thanks to Florence Pugh! Sorry for the comic stans, but more people will read it now! That's the power of acting! When I'm reading this comic, all I hear is Florence and I think it's charming.” Mf, of course YOU don’t mind it! You’re a damn Florence Pugh/MCU-Yelena stan and this was written by someone whose knowledge of Yelena only extends to the MCU!

“Sarah Gailey replacing comic-Yelena with MCU-Yelena doesn't mean that the old Yelena wasn't good, it just means her character didn’t work before the MCU. Comics-Yelena didn’t have enough fans and the proof is that she didn't have a solo till now” There are plenty well known Marvel characters that haven’t had a solo comic or don’t have that many, so I’mma need you to shut tf up! I’m tired of these MCU stans talking about the comics, acting like they know everything! If Yelena was so “unpopular” and “her character didn’t work” why were people wanting her to appear in the MCU YEARS before the Black Widow movie was being developed?! Why was she always the main one being named for who they’d love to see as a villain in a Black Widow movie? Why was she in almost every fan-made Black Widow trailer and fancast post I saw before the movie was even a thought?

These goofy ass MCU stans act like comic-Yelena had nothing to her character before the MCU. Like, just say y'all haven't read the books or you prefer quirky, UWU female characters that constantly drop quippy one-liners cuz you can’t handle women being anything more than that and go!

[atbussysparks]

Let me tell you why this is the stupidest fucking article I've ever read. I got to this section and had to stop and reevaluate why I'm subjecting myself to this bubbling pustule of blatant ignorance and negligence on the part of the miserable moronic maggots they call editors and writer being paid to say nothing at all.

It begins with this comic strip which is funny I GUESS. Very funny indeed if you love Garfield. No one on this fuckass team has ever even sat down and read a Garfield comic without a finger up their ass and a severe misunderstanding of basic fucking history of Garfield main characters.

Calling you out by name you baggy donkey ball suckling shitheads. cbr.com/we-didn't-even-know-what-the-fuck-a-Garfield-was-before-spewing-out-this-half-assed-article-and-rubbed-eachothers-nipples-all-day-thinking-about-our-fat-fucking-paycheck.

If they'd even payed a shred of attention, or just looked soullessly with their glassy vacant eyes at an actual fucking google search they'd know that NERMAL, which is HIS name, is a Boy. I could forgive that. A little kitten with cute lashes, hell I forgot NERMAL was a dude once a cats gender does not fucking matter.

But if they'd looked at this comic with little more than a shred of dim-witted surface level NO, atmospheric level observations, they'd see that NERMAL, A NAMED CAT WHO HAS BEEN IN THIS WORLD FAMOUS COMIC FOR 50-FIIIFTY FUCKING YEARS, theyd see that NERMAL is visibly smaller and more naive than Garfield. You can infer if you have more than nine fucking neurons in your cavernous cranium, that NERMAL IS A BABY. A LITTLE BABY CAT. A SILLY LITTLE KITTEN. UNDERAGE. WAAAAY TOO YOUNG FOR GARFIELD. AND GARFIELD IS NOT TRYING TO SEDUCE HIM.

the silly funny haha jokey jokey very OBVIOUS punchline being that Garfield is trying to be a cooler older guy than nermie. And his story gets goofy when he starts exaggerating his truth.

Clearly the same approach was taken with whoever was tasked with pumping out this tray of vomit given to us as "entertainment." Who in their right mind, who is interested in Garfield, would EVER be entertained with an "article" written by a couple of chucklefucks looking to make a quick buck like that dude from fucking Mathilda. You are literally Danny devitos role as a sleazy cunt of a salesman getting people entrapped In a hunk of shit posed as ENTERTAINMENT.

YOURE GOING TO DIE AS THE PERSON WHO GOT BASIC FUCKING GARFIELD FACTS WRONG ON A COMPUTER THAT HOLDS MORE HISTORY than anything put out on paper AND IS THE GRANDSON OF THE SHIT THAT PUT HUMANITY INTO THE COSMOS. the maggots that eat your boot-licking grimy corpse will shit you out and the most you contribute to the world will be your composted brain that wasted it's capacity on a shitty Garfield article no one enjoys.

Humanity, a feat that can only be philosophically pondered about, was cast away for the sake of creating nothing out of something? To choose the path of destruction over creation, a trait which has been credited to omnipresent beings only, AND LIFE? FOR SOMETHING SO MENIAL AND PLEASURE DRUNK AS MONEY, TO DESTROY THE BASIC FUCKING HAPPINESS THAT AN ACTUAL FUCKING GARFIELD COMIC STRIP GIVES TO PRIMORDIAL BEINGS OF STARDUST LIVING THEIR CELESTIAL LIVES⁉️⁉️⁉️

only the slimiest and sleaziest sopping wet scumbag could think of pissing out such a cunt crumble of a dastardly deed. Lowlife lead brains headass. If I were to end it, which I won't as I would much rather live to see your demise ( the great demise of a pus encrusted laceration wound on the bare breast of great journalism) I would end it just to have the satisfaction of knowing I will no longer live on the same mortal plane as this putrescine rotted rat carcass gnawed on by a living embodiment of a lobotomy.

Unless they're reading a translated version from a non English speaking country where the characters are different?? Then it's cool I guess.

[feralnumberfive]

The Rewatch Academy: Episode 6 of Season 1

“The Day That Wasn’t”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it’s funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

| 1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 | 1x04 | 1x05 |

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ Klaus is lucky that he never got the briefcase shot up

☂ *Hears Klaus flush the toilet and talk* Luther: Oh good, you’re up

☂ Also Luther gave Klaus about two seconds to get up before hounding him again on getting downstairs

☂ Sounds like Tom’s accent slipped a little bit when he said “three days”

☂ Yeah they needed to have a family meeting right away and yet they took the time to go get coffee or at least order it and have it delivered

☂ “Old bastard” and “Our little psycho” 

☂ I still don’t get at this point how they wouldn’t believe Five. Look at him, he himself is evidence of his time traveling! He was gone for 45 years, but to them it was only 17. Either way they try to grasp at that, Five would look older if he made it back without messing up. He knew about their father’s death without anyone telling him. I really think all the mistrust comes from the way he looks and the way he acts (they obviously believe he’s just crazy right now)

☂ “What did Five even see?”

☂ Also throw back to 1x02 and I didn’t realized this until now but Five doesn’t have his tie

☂ I know it’s for the title card gag but no one questions the random umbrella falling and popping open

☂ I aspire to be as sarcastic as Hazel

☂ So where exactly is The Commission HQ at? Is it a random location in the real world? If so then wouldn’t normal people happen to stumble upon it? What about their location in space in the comics? Is this in space?? All we know is that it’s in/based off of the year 1955

☂ “I’d like to discuss the logistics of my family’s safety at your earliest convenience.” He cuts right to what’s most important to him. No “How will you stop the apocalypse?” or “What’s my job?” and even “How will my body replacement work?”

☂ Five sounds almost like he’s snapped back into a work mindset. He's suddenly polite and calm with The Handler. Maybe being back in a work environment has made his brain automatically switch into being more professional. However he might also be acting this way to try to throw her off of him being antsy with a plan

☂ Here's some Commission posters shown throughout 1x06

☂ One of us, one of us, one of us-

☂ So basically The Commission makes up history? How do they know what to do and when to make something happen? How do they know it’s right? And what’s The Commission supposed to do when the world ends? Haven't they already fixed stuff in the past or are there just continuous time loops so they need to make sure things happen over and over again? If multiple historical events happen with multiple ways they are made, then which one gets to be in the original timeline??

☂ Dot: No hard feelings! 😁

Ma’am does it look like he’s going to accept that

☂ Wait why are Hazel and Cha-Cha considered the best Temporal Assassins if Five was/is the best?

☂ Well Five has the job of taking down the Hindenburg again but this time from behind a desk. So it’s possible to accomplish “corrections” without actually having assassins do the work. So I guess there’s just so many timelines that they need to fix every single one of them over and over? That sounds like a pain in the ass

☂ TUA portraits!

☂ Y’know I have to agree with Allison on this one. Vanya was left out, however she’s offering to talk with her about the important family matter and Vanya is just denying it. I get she’s upset, but her sister is offering to include her. After Vanya leaves Allison immediately wants to go after her to talk with her. On the other hand Allison should have told her it was an emergency meeting and that they didn’t have the time to ask Vanya to join them

☂ Klaus seems genuinely concerned/upset for Vanya

☂ “We need to figure out what causes the apocalypse. Now, there are loads of possibilities. Nuclear war, asteroids.” Wow spot on, Luther! I can’t believe they actually included foreshadowing for both apocalypses (even though technically it was a chunk of the moon, not an asteroid.) I wonder how much foreshadowing for S3 was put into S2.......

☂ I know it’s big joke about Luther and the moon, but the poor guy just really believes that he was on the moon for an important reason. I mean if I were in his shoes I would believe him too since he had to send a lot of daily updates and samples

☂ “Klaus shockingly has a point. What gives us a win this time?” Shhhh careful Diego, he’s right behind you

☂ Luther is initially the only one onboard with Five on trying to stop the apocalypse. All the others want to go off and do their own thing before the world ends. He tries to get The Umbrella Academy back together to work as a team, but his leadership skills are now severely lacking. Do people *cough cough* mainly people who hate him *cough cough* overlook Luther wanting to also get his family together to stop the apocalypse with his family? Definitely. 

☂ “We need the full force of the Academy to stand a chance.” Well golly gee, Allison, what did did Luther just try to do? Was that not him trying to round up all of The Umbrella Academy to stop the apocalypse? 

☂ Even though Vanya is ranting, how does she not hear all the creaking metal and shaking cars?

☂ *it’s sunny around them but just the block they’re walking on is rainy until she calms down* “ThAt’S a CoInCiDeNcE.” 

☂ The hall floor and Diego’s floor are so dusty

☂ It’s sweet that Diego wants Klaus to get clean in a safe way instead of going cold turkey 

☂ Dot, what does “utter silence” mean to you?

☂ “Look at you, deadly little thing.” You’re not wrong, but I don’t think he appreciates being called “thing”

☂ Such a smug smile

☂ So how does Five know all of this about Karl and his son? Does it talk about Otto never washing his hands in the file? That seems like an oddly specific detail but I guess in a case file it gives as many details as possible for the worker to figure out who needs to get assassinated

☂ There are a few cog references all relating to The Commission, so I wonder if this is a nod to “Teenagers” or if they’re just using this terminology

☂ Odd tattoos (sorry for the super blurry pic)

☂ “Can I ask you a cuckoo bananas question?” Hazel is such a fun guy

☂ “Wouldn’t it be nice to kill who you want for a change?” You mean like straight up unhinged murder? 

☂ The first time I watched this Hazel and Cha-Cha scene I for sure thought that Hazel was a dead man

☂ This scene just absolutely breaks my heart 💔

☂ *skips 25:24-27:42*

☂ Diego is just so accepting to everything Klaus is saying

☂ I’m sorry, are we suddenly on the set of The Phantom of the Opera?

☂ Diego, I think you’re forgetting a very important person in your life who you let down too who is also dead......(poor Ben can’t believe what his brother just said so he leaves)

☂ “Ordinary is not a word I’d use to describe you.” You’re right, it’s “Extra Ordinary” ha! Sorry Vanya, I had to use that joke

☂ Well at least we know Five ate a sandwich 

☂ How exciting! The same division that made a simple candy taste like a candy from the past, but technically it’s not the past since The Commission HQ is based in 1955, is building a human body! That sounds so promising 

☂ Sooooo whatever happened to Five’s new body? Is it just sitting in a lab somewhere?? Or is The Handler just lying about it to try to get Five to stay at The Commission?

☂ With the amount of time Five was staring at the suit, it obviously hurt him to know that while he has a new body within reach, he’s not going to get it because he’s about to leave

☂ “Course it’s a bit easier to see from 30,000 feet.” What is she talking about Reconnaissance aircraft? There was no mention of aircraft though so why would she bring that up? My closest guess is that she’s referring to strategic bombing in general, or even the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki

☂ It sounds like Five suddenly has a New York accent when he says “operator” when talking to The Handler about Gloria

☂ Fuck you, Veggie Tales Hargreeves

☂ *skips 36:47-39:48*

☂ Well there’s your hit, Klaus

☂ I love the camera moving with Klaus as he falls and the transition into Vietnam

☂ “Lock and load, Charlie’s away!” Wikipedia’s definition of a “Charlie” is  an American military slang referring to the Viiet Cong and North Vietnamese soldiers

☂ Klaus desperately calling out for a medic hurts my heart

☂ Well Luther if you had left then your body wouldn’t be the way it is now

☂ *fucking skips 45:41-50:00* 

☂ Ooooh I just really love the entirety of the “Kill Of The Night” scene! If you listen to the lyrics it’s about someone luring someone into a trap to get revenge because they messed with the wrong person (it’s also about love but we’re going to ignore that part). I personally believe it’s aimed at The Commission from Five because the entire time it plays he’s messing things up for them and in some way it’s like a little bit of revenge from him

☂ Why is Gloria confused on who Hazel and Cha-Cha are? Hasn’t she heard their names a ton of times especially since they’re some of the best assassins?

☂ How did Five know which tubes to put the messages in? 

☂ You can see at this part how Five immediately gets anxious and antsy. He has a wild look in his eyes. From this point onwards he’s constantly moving, shaking with energy, anticipation, and probably a little bit of anger

☂ “You’re a great disappointment to me.” That’s definitely not the first time he’s heard that

☂ “I don’t belong anywhere thanks to you. You made me a killer!” The first part of that stings. Obviously he feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere, but again I think has to do with the whole “good” and “bad” thing that’s going on. He feels like he doesn’t belong at home because he’s “bad” and has done a lot of dark stuff to get home (it doesn’t help that Luther voiced his acknowledgment of this  to Five and now he has that in his mind that Luther knows and somewhat views him as “bad”). Five 100% feels shame in what he has done, and definitely has an issue of coming back to his family with blood on his hands form what he has done. He doesn’t belong in The Commission anymore because he doesn’t want to stay there to do their dirty work to kill or give out kill orders. He’s done with that or at least wants to be done with that life.

The last statement though is Five taking his anger and guilt about being becoming an assassin out on The Handler. She brought him into The Commission, which in turn he became the best assassin across The Space-Time Continuum. It’s not something he’s proud of, and he never enjoyed killing (as much as I want it to be the DNA alteration I just don’t think it exists in the show or at least not yet). However The Handler replies with “You were always a killer. I just pointed you in a direction.” which you can immediately tell has struck a chord with Five. For the briefest second he looks taken aback and his eyes ever so slightly open wider in shock, whether he took that as the truth or just a terrible accusation isn’t exactly clear. Either way he doesn’t like being accused or hearing the truth out loud of always being able to be murderous, a killer. 

I believe it’s a mixture of The Handler just trying to get into his head and a combination of the truth. Reginald trained The Umbrella Academy to use brute force, but that doesn’t mean Five had killed anyone but he was definitely violent when it came to stopping bad guys (not to mention in the pilot script he was called a “Ruthless little war machine” after violently attacking and decapitating a bunch of mannequins)

☂ Diego: I’m going to go kill Hazel and Cha-Cha!........Riiiiight after I get done walking with my mom in the park

☂ He’s so happy to see Klaus again 

☂ ✨Gremlin✨

☂ Who exactly does Five owe a debt to? Maybe his family after accidentally leaving them and now he wants to save them? Or is it a singular person?  

☂ Ouch! Now that’s what I call a problem later!

☂ 

☂ Five using “Ya’ll” is weird to hear

☂ Five is talking to his siblings like he knows what’s been happening but in reality he’s rarely been at home so how would he know

☂ I love that Five doesn't even answer Diego at the end and instead just stares at his siblings 

☂☂☂☂☂☂☂

Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!

[thetriggeredhappy]

Okay okay, so, imagine: The One Scene in That Comic that we all know about, but either A. Spy is switched with solely Sniper, so its just Sniper that enters the scene OR Sniper replaces SCOUT and Scout's the one to come across him.

going with option A only because my brain latched on to it. also it’s sniperscout, guess why

(warnings for major character death, blood, injury, mention of nudity, the works)

-

“Bloody Spies and their bloody kneecaps being blown to bloody pieces,” Sniper grumbled to himself, limping his way down the hallway feeling entirely unconfident in his ability to defend himself. “Where the hell is the Medic when you—“

And he finally processed the scene in front of him as he rounded the corner, processed the meaning of the still-smoking remains of robots that had been littering the hallway in increasing frequency, processed first the blood, then the frankly ludicrous number of broken bots piled across the area, then the Scout there among it all.

“—need one,” he finished lamely under his breath.

“Oh, hey, Snipes!” Scout called, voice high and reedy like the breath was knocked out of him, flashing a weaker version of that winning smile at him. “How the hell you been, man? I haven’t seen you in, fuck, months, right? Hey, y’know what I’ve been, is kicking robot ass, huh? Haha, seriously, check this out!”

Sniper moved a few steps closer, eyes dragging across the area Scout had cleared for himself. Namely the superfluous amounts of blood starting to puddle there.

“One’a the bastards knicked me though, if you can believe it. Stings like a bitch,” he managed, gesturing loosely down at his side. “Heh, I’ll probably be fine though, right? Yeah. Real tired, though.”

Sniper sincerely doubted that Scout would be fine.

“Hey, uh, sorry if this is a weird question, but, uh, what’s up with the clothes? Specifically the not having any?” Scout asked, glancing him over in a way that was a good bit more bold than he usually ever got. Probably on account of the blood loss getting to his head. “I’m pretty cold here, you must be freezing, hold on—“

And Sniper tried to move forward to stop him, tried to protest, but Scout moved to try and pull his own shirt off in jerky, uncoordinated motions. He had to pull it off of him himself just to get him to stop moving around so much. “You—you really did this by yourself, then?” Sniper asked as he tried to figure out how to cover himself up with such a little scrap of fabric. It looked so much smaller than he thought it would be. Scout looked so much smaller, there bleeding out on the ground, blinking up at him with his eyes closing for just a little bit longer every time. “That’s impressive, mate.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, grin gone even a bit more goofy than usual. “I’m a legend. Hey, but c’mon, you didn’t answer my question! What’s up with you? You disappeared on all of us for months, man, Miss P was tellin’ me about it. What’s up with that?”

Sniper swallowed hard. “Sorry,” he managed, moving to take a knee. “Had some things to figure out. Back now, though.”

“Hell yeah, you better be,” Scout said, and usually he would slug Sniper on the shoulder with something like that, but the best he could manage was a general flail of his arm, just barely bumping into Sniper’s shin, only just hard enough for him to feel it. “I promised I’d take you out to a bunch of classic, uh. Classic American diners and stuff, when we got the chance. And then robots, and then... all this, and... y’know. Gonna need to rest, probably. I’m real tired, is the thing.”

He nodded. “I know. I can tell,” he said, hoped his voice didn’t sound as hollow to Scout as it did to him. He swallowed hard. “Oi, but you finally got that tattoo, then? Good on you.”

“Yeah, for sure,” Scout agreed, smiling. “Prison tattoos, y’know how it is. Took like, forever. I wanna get more now, though.”

He hated this. He hated nodding, pretending that Scout was going to be okay. Pretending that he was going to walk away from this. Pretending that things would be alright in the end.

Scout could barely even focus on his face, was clearly struggling to get the strength to breathe, was starting to shiver periodically.

“M’sorry I left without saying goodbye,” Sniper said, putting a gentle hand on Scout’s shoulder.

Scout’s expression softened a little. “It’s okay. I get it, stuff happens. I’m barely even mad. I mean, hell. At least you came back,” he managed, voice weak.

“I missed you,” he said, and felt panic rise in his throat and added, “the team.”

“Heh. I did too,” Scout nodded, and almost unbalanced himself, needed Sniper to catch him to keep him upright.

Guilt, then. “And you in particular,” he corrected, swallowed down the fear.

A peculiar quirk of his lip. “Yeah?” he asked, and his voice was practically nothing, but there was still a little twinkle to his eyes that Sniper was horribly familiar with.

And he didn’t know what came over him. All he knew was that then he was leaning in, planting a kiss to that quirk of his lip and pulling back again.

And even though clearly he couldn’t even sit up under his own weight, his expression broke into a smile. “Heh. Fuckin’ knew it,” he said, barely above a whisper. “Knew you had a thing for me.”

It startled a laugh out of Sniper. “That’s all you have to say?” he asked, incredulous, trying very hard to fight back the way tears were threatening to well in his eyes.

“What else is there to say?” Scout asked, and inhaled, and exhaled deeper than Sniper expected, eyes closing in what he’d expected to be a blink, but they didn’t open again.

And he realized a moment too late what had happened.

And he took long minutes to try and collect himself.

And it was only when he stood up again, wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, pulled himself together enough to walk away, it was only then that he heard a little cough from behind him.

And on the way limping back to where they heard the sound of the rest of the team fighting, Scout got the strength to mutter, “so, should the diner thing be a date, then?”, and that made Sniper laugh again, really, from a much deeper place in his chest than before, and he felt lighter in its wake.

So much lighter.

[tsuki-sennin]

It's a lovely morning in Rider Japan, and you are a horrible Vice. I'm exaggerating, of course, but this should be a fun and goofy episode, considering all the revelations in the plot and how silly these characters are.

Spoilers, I guess...

-Ghost Ikki!

-It must feel so weird to have a guy just... in your orifices.

-And I don't mean it in a sexual way, I just mean like... in you.

-So, you're saying whoever made the Rolling Stamp is smarter than you, George?

-Oh god, experimentation.

-At last, after 10000 years! I'm free! Time to conquer earth!

-#IkkiFromTheEar

-No! Goddamn!

-Man, all this makes me wonder what kind of horrific thoughts lie within the immortal and all-knowing mind of Lovekov.

-"Oh haha, that's crazy, haha!" says Olteca, the lying little bitch.

-But see, that's why he's a good villain. He puts Jeanne and Live on equal threat level, he doesn't underestimate anyone.

-Oh yeah, last week! Kuuki Kaidan! They were important, weren't they?

-The most "Manzai" content I really watch is the Touhou M-1 Grand Prix or whenever the art form happens to show up in whatever anime I'm watching, but Kuuki Kaidan... those guys have great comic timing, very talented fellas. I probably wouldn't do it myself, especially since I played a certain Haru and Haru minigame in Yakuza 5 and by the time I finally perfected it I wanted Haruka's slap to spin Haruo's head like a top.

-Wow, I guess nobody really minds Vice hanging out in public. That's nice, I suppose????

-Ladies and gentlemen... the Weeknd! Er, Weekend Organization!

-You motherfuckers are mad sus.

-Yeah that's right Sakura, don't trust 'em!

-Ah, that's nice! Tamaki's got a job!

-Hey, Hikaru-kun! What're you and your creepy ass parents trying to accomplish? By all means, fuck Fenix, they're assholes, but I'd appreciate a bit of transparency!

-Waste them motherfuckers!

-She speaks! :o

-DON'T HURT THE BABY

-Okay, so... that implies you're protecting him.

-JACKAL TIME YES

-Idk if I've said before, but I love Live's Jackal Genome suit, it's so goddamn cool looking.

-Oh, he got rolled, ok

-And she go poof.

-KAGERO MY MAN

-Are we gonna see all four TwoSiDriver suits in one day?

-You're only winning because you have hax enabled Olteca, get over yourself :<

-See, Kagero's handling you pretty quick-like.

-It'd be great to see the two of you become proper friends, Dai-chan!

-I see this tailing mission George is on is taking the Ubisoft approach. Invisible if you're like ten yards away and being very obvious, absolutely and unbelievably conspicuous if you're nine yards away being as quiet as possible.

-Sakura, please don't phrase it like that, he's going through it.

-Taiko no Tatsujin! Imagine if he was just doing Megalovania, I think I would've shat myself. I think Ode to Joy's a fine public domain pick though, it's a nice callback to Build.

-...are we gonna see a Hibiki Vistamp sometime soon?

-Protecc the Ikki

-Yeah that's right, phone boy! Your hypocrisy isn't appreciated around here!

-Yep, the manager lady's definitely the contractor. ...I forgot her name, I'm very sorry.

-Gooooo, Sakura!

-Gundephone Detective, Igarashi Ikki. Coming to HBO Max, Summer 2022.

-Double Demon Delight!

-Goddamn, that's a good jingle.

-OOooooogh, pile drive that bitch.

-Oh I get it. Roll. Like the stamp do.

-Ohhhh coooooool, the Ohinbuster's still got finishers!

-#NiceVice!

-So, did they choose not to let Vice keep the phone? It is a pretty compact weapon, I think it'd have been pretty helpful.

-Oh hey, you guys!

-Mayu-chan, I'm sorry I forgot your name! Really, I should be checking the names often, but then I run the risk of spoilers and then...

-Aww, poor lass.

-Make 'er proud, lads.

-He's all spooky now.

-Oh boy, George sounds like he's gonna get real English-swear happy soon. I know he's not gonna shout fuck or anything, but

-An evil mask man!

-KARIZAKI :O

-Is this George's dad? He's the only other Karizaki we know of, so he kinda has to be. I mean, I don't think there's a possibility of that being his grandma or anything, but...

-Ah, we're addressing the disappearing next episode! ...it seems a bit more lighthearted than I was expecting, so I assume this means we're having a moment.

-Oh, quick announcement! I'm going to be getting an AO3 account soon! Where hopefully I'll be able to do more actual fanfic writing, so that should be fun! Tune in at around March 1st!

[oc-factoids]

Bug man back at it again

IGHT Lily and Julia

Let’s start with Lily

She is probably the only one who has an ok ish relationship with her parents? They’re kind of in that gray area of like not bad but not exactly good either and also she left em at age 11 to be a sword lady so she wasn’t that attached🤷‍♀️

So There’s this like training place for young sword people who want to become knights and shit to like go and train and shit It’s like boarding school but medieval and for knights I haven’t thought of an official name for it yet so if you want feel free to throw some suggestions at me

Anyway so lily be vibin and got invited to it because she’s very good and swording and she travels there and she ends up in this place just full of cishet jock dudes (🤢) and has to deal with ✨sexism✨

but she’s still super passionate about swording so she pushes through it (I have a short writing peice just of her dealing with this and then just popping off and holding a guy at sword point cuz she’s a girlboss ❤️)

and also she develops gifted kid syndrome because I have to project that onto someone

Must a characters backstory be fleshed out? Is it not enough for me to project my emotional issues onto a cool lady. She has a heart on her sword hilt. Because I designed her when I was 10 and I kept it because I think it’s cool. Fuck you. She’s a Mary Sue I admit this.

ANYWAY

basically her whole arc is about learning how you can’t be perfect at everything and healing and perfectionism issues and how people can love you in spite your flaws

I low key want to give her a dumb ass hobby like knitting or something like that and I want it to actually be super symbolic. She starts of fucking hating it and hating herself because she’s bad at it. but then slowly learns that you don’t have to be good at something for it to have worth. And so she loves it later. But still sucks at it because that’s the fucking point. But she’s improved a jus lil bit. As a treat❤️

I was gonna do Julia in a separate message but I still have room soooo

Julia was raised in an @bus!v3 household with a shitty mom witch like I have details but i don’t wanna trigger anyone so I’ll leave those out and a dad who genuinely loved her but couldn’t,,didn’t know how to child,, so needless to say shit was Not Good for her at home and she kinda learned to put on this fake “haha no I’m fine :))” mask to survive

the only real relief she got was her granddads house where she got her signature lute and when playing said lute

She like would go out and just wander the town sometimes and try to be forgotten but someone would always recognize her and bring her back so she learned to be really good at simple disguises

She never had the courage to full on run away though, it was more like “maybe if I just sit in the town square and don’t move I’ll waste away and become bones :))” and then her dad would go out looking and she would be like damn not again

Her arc is more about learning what healthy relationships look like and also learning that always being “the happy one” or “the comic relief” doesn’t actually help.Repression is bad kids don’t do it

She’s the chaotic one™️ partially to hide the sadness behind goofy shenanigans and partially because sometimes you just gotta shove 20 marshmallows in to ur mouth. It’s self care. Do not question it.

As for the relationship between the two

The way they met was Julia was pulling one of her “haha I do not exist” shit and practicing her lute meanwhile lily is just out strolling after training finishes and Lilly is like “shit good music bro” and Julia is like “yo thanks bro” and they start meeting up every day and hanging out and there’s a ~connection~ there

I’m constantly switching between love at first sight and slowly and unintentionally falling in love until your up at two am like “FUCK” for the two

Currently Julia is love at first sight and lily is slow but that may as well switch at any moment

So at one point they’re like “I think I love you” “me too” but they can’t be in a relationship because homo of the sexual is illegal (that kinda ties into jaspers arc of like “shit we cause so much pain and suffering”) so they decide to run away together with Julia using her ol bag o disguises to mulan that shit and goes by her last name Charles so everyone thinks she is very straight ™️ and Lily has survival training so together they camp out in the woods hiding from the police robin-hood style with lily pretending to be Charles occasionally when they need to buy food and stuff

The whole thing is about different forms of self love and learning that your worthy of love and self recognition through the other but in a good way and they help each other work through their flaws what not

Sometimes I feel like It’s too trope-y because I’m aro and have no experience of my own in romance so it all just based of my friendships and tv romances sooo

Feel free to criticize any of my writing I want

🐞

Ooh I love them!!! I don't think it's too tropey but that's just me, I think it sounds great!

[popculturebuffet]

The Legion of Super Heroes Reviews: The Legion of Substitute Heroes or Unsung Heroes

Happy 29th Birthday to Me! Yes it’s my birthday which means it’s time for reflection, griping about getting older and cake. And after an exausting weekend of grappling with a growth, i’m not going to go into anymore detail, I can finally, relax celebrate and get back to reviewing. And since i’ts my big day, that means I decided to dedicate today’s reviews to things that mean a hell of a lot to me and in one way or another shaped me as a person. A self indulgant way to reflect on my past, look to the future and show y’all some stuff I really like. So with that out of the way let’s talk about the Legion of Super Heroes.. and their oddball sub team I love dearly. 

This is also my first chance to talk about DC Comics on my blog. I’m honestly shocked that in the year i’ve been reviewing stuff regularly, the other half of the big two superhero comic publishers hasn’t come up. While I do tend to lean towards marvel, in part because Marvel is simply better at collecting their stuff and putting it on sale more often, it’s still the home of some of my faviorite properties: Justice League International, The Green Lanterns (Minus Hal), Teen Titans, Wonder Woman, Oracle, Batgirl (All of them, particularly Steph and Cass), Young Justice, Supergirl, my personal boy The Martian Manhunter.. the list dosen’t go on by much but it indeed goes on. I”ve been reading dc comics since I was in middle school, and I haven’t stopped since and don’t intend to stop now and maybe in the next year I can get around to tackling some of their awesome cartoons and comics more eh? But yeah among these titans, including the actual titans, are the Legion, one of the most unique and awesome super team concepts in my humble opinon and , even for DC, one of the teams with the most tangled up histories. 

First created in the Silver Age by writer Otto Binder and Artist Al Plastino, The Legion of Superheroes is DC”s first successful teen superhero team, predating the titans by a few years, though I dearly love both wildly diffrent teams. The Legion is defined by their high concept: A thousand years into the future, three super teens from diffrent worlds who happened to be on the same ship with billionare RJ Brande, saved Brande from some goons hired by his crooked buisness partner. 

And exposed him. Inspirired by their courage, heart and skill, Brande latter called the three together to form them into a super team, one inspiried by the legends of teen hero Superboy. 

No not Conner though it was nice to get to show off my poster of him. While he was part of the second continuities legion, we’ll get to that, he’s not the superboy we’re looking for. He is damn great though and it’s good to have you back bud. 

Not Jon either, though I do miss this kid’s pre-bendis version and he was the inspiration.. for another version of the legion. (SIGH). Try. AGAIN IMAGE SEARCH. 

...... 

No not the cool bad boy turned troubled good boy, not the child who was inexpciably aged up by that bald smeghead, and not the great idea turned into a editiorial mouthpiece. I”m talking about THIS superboy. 

This is where the name came from: From the silver age till crisis on infinite earths, Clark Kent was active as a kid in smallville, and thus was Superboy, superman when he was a boy. He dealt with similar stories just with Lana replacing Lois, and Luthor as a ginger teenager. And it was these deeds as a teen hero on his own, one of the first honestly, that inspiried the legion and brande and forged the team. 

And it was naturally a super boy story where they were first introduced as the legion’s founders went back to recruit Superboy after putting him through some trials, and were intended as just one of many silver age one off concepts.. but caught on with the readers so much they were brought back, and had their ranks expanded and eventually not only added supergirl, yes the one your thinking of this time, to their ranks, and yes sometimes she and superboy were in the same place at the same time, Clark willingly had founding member and telepath Saturn Girl put a mental block in his head for any info he’s not supposed to know yet so it’s cool . But yeah not only that but they eventually became their own feature in Adventure Comics, where Superboy’s stories were published, but overtook him in popularity with time.  Over time a number of distinct aspects were established: The roster eventually got as large as 20 plus legionarres, almost all from diffrent worlds, and they eventually set up bilaws. Some are silly and dated such as “Legionarres marrying means they retire” which was eventually done away with in the 70′s, but others were simple logic: each member must have a unique power, no using weapons and such which rather than be super power snobbery is so said tech dosen’t fail and the legion later fully allowed Karate Kid, a martial artist, to join, no killing.. just common sense stuff that adds to it. And one of those is the centerpiece to today’s story, which we’ll get to in a moment.  Obviously given they’ve been around since 1958, there is a LOT more to the Legion’s history I will dig into at a later date: The short version is that Crisis on Infinite Earths, Dc’s first big reboot, fucked the team up badly by retconning superboy out of existance and dc editorial made it worse by shooting down EVERY solution the team came up with to fix the issue. So eventually things got so messy they nuked the whole thing during the event Zero Hour and rebooted fresh with Mark Waid taking the helm and updating the concept for the 90′s and being a more lighthearted, if still not without weight, comic in the sea of 90′s edge. Waid would reboot the team again due to sagging sales, a far weaker reason this time, with a more rebllion slant, the original team would be reinstated, and then ended for a while before recently being rebooted by Brian Micheal Bendis... who sadly is long past his creative prime from books like Ultimate Spider-man and alias and is instead stewing in his own toilet dinner these days and thus it’s not pretty.. well okay art wise i’ts VERY pretty, it’s just story wise it sucks dirty ass in thunder storms. There was also an awesome cartoon that sadly lasted only two seasons that I will DEFINTELY be digging into, especially since unlike x-men evolution, it’s not you know 50 some episodes and me biting off way more than I can chew but a slim 26 that still has fans to this day. I”ll get into ALL OF THIS, some ohter time hopefullly and I mostly outlined it since some of you might be familiar with another version or “Sigh” the reboot and this helps clear things up.  So yeah with all that out of the way we’re going back to the silver age and the first story I ever read of hte team, how I met them with “The Legion of Substitute Heroes” and a later subs story I genuinely love. I first read this story in one dc’s old expensive archives collections I got from the library. Oh how I miss the library. Your probably wondering who the legion of susbstite heroes are.. but since the first story covers that we can jump right in after the break!

So we open with a teen in a parka uniform disembarking from a spaceship from another planet, which a passerby notes is just like the airplanes people used to ride from country to country. 

But we meet our hero, Polar Boy, whose in a winter themed outfit and has come to try out. This is the tradition I was saving for now: The Legion Tryouts. Like a club or sports team would, but I like it because it makes sense: The Legion NEEDS to be as big as it is because while their headquartered on earth, their mission scope is anywhere in the united planets which spans GALAXIES. They could be called on any time and need their full force or need to have severa l members on a smaller mission and frequently having members away on a mission was cleverly used to reduce the cast to whoever was needed for the story. 

So it only makes sense to frequently look for new membbers to help strengthen their ranks... but given their teens and are recurting teens they need to be careful and need a logical way to reduce crowd flow. I mean you saw how many people used to line up for american idol before that died a justified death, people will do anything to be famous and they need to weed out those whose powers and skill just aren’t up to snuff yet, or those who are just dicks as, unsuprisingly, several stories have been built on assholes who applied and were rejected turning evil and attacking.. even though the Legion wasn’t even paticuarlly harsh. They also are more than fair as applicants CAN try again or if they prove themselves in other ways can be let in, as Bouncing Boy, my favoirite legionarre, was intially rejected for his power of .. well...

Yeah.. on paper inflating like a ball and bouncing around is kind of silly. In practice he can ricochet off enemies, walls, and obstacles and is fairly durable in that state. It’s why I don’t really brook mocking the guys power: yes it’s goofy.. but say that again when he hands you his ass. It’s the same with matter eater lad who yes is an actual character: While being able to eat anything is gloriously goofy.. it means he can chew through ANY substance and digest ANYTHING. Hell in the cartoon episode intorducing the subs they used both of these guys to great efffect: Bouncing Boy, who in the cartoon had to try out multiple times in his backstory, encouraged the future subs while Matter Eater Lad got in by EATING A FUCKING BOMB. He also had shades which I dind’t know he was missing but now I do. My point is the process is fair and well thought out and leads to some really fun scenes. 

But yeah joining the legion is naturally Polar Boy’s dream, as he walks down the avenue of heroes, basically a series of statues honoring the legion and hopes all his hard work paid off. We then cut to the auditions, where he apparently waited all night. What I like about this story is that unusually for the silver age legion where it was mostly a sea of powers attached to a bunch of cardboard, really the dc silver age in a nutshell and why marvel broke out so much for having more dynamic and realistic characters, Polar Boy has more of a personality. It’s not MUCH but he’s a dedicated, hard working kid who just wants to join his heroes and seems really in awe of htem, a feeling we can all relate to. We’ve all had people we’ve looked up to, admired, and we’ve all had groups we wanted to join as kids, teens or what have you. And of course.. we all know what it’s like to be rejected by someone or something you badly wanted to be a part of.  And that’s what happens to poor polar boy, who comes from a world with an intense sun thus his people developed super cold powers.. but he can’t control them well so while their impressive, they also freeze the legion. HIs powers are good... but due to their strength and radius he’s also a liablility. They give him an consolation anti-gravity belt.. they had these before eventually compressing them into the much cooler flight rings.. which I still desperatly want one of. I have the flash’s costume ring and a green lantern corps ring, but still no legion ring. 

Naturally this devistates the poor boy and he wonders around dispondent till nightfall, convinced he’ll never be one of them. He soon meets Night Girl, a fellow reject with super strength given to her by her dad’s formula.. but only in darkness as she’s from a world without sunlight. She also faces a “hopeless future” but it’s then Polar Boy’s true strength reveals itself: he decides screw giving up on their dream and if they can’t be in the legion they’ll start their own Legion. 

Though not to compete but to serve as a subtistute, in case the legion is ever incapacitated. So Night Girl gathers the other rejects the next morning. Cleverly one of them, Chlorophyll Kid was seen with Night Girl herslef at the tryouts behind Polar Boy. We soon learn about them and each of their origins: Stone Boy can turn himself into an immobile stone statue, as his world has half a year long nights and thus his people hybernate, Fire Lad who can spit hot fire literally and set anything combustable on fire and Chlorphyll Kid who can make plants grow rapidly. Each were rejected for resonable powers: Stone Boys powers too static, Fire Lad’s is too dangerous and Chorlpyl Kids toos pecific. But upon seeing all of this Polar Boy says they STILL have fantastic powers and still can help people and the legion. 

Thus the Legion of Substittue Heroes is born. And I love them as much as the originals. As a bit of a misfit myself I relate to these guys: They have strange specific powers, got rejected by the big team.. while that trope is nothing new at the time it was unique and even now it’s a nice and inspiring message. Instead of giving up they form their OWN team to do what htey can anyway. They might not be the best like the legion but they can still help and still do what’s right even if not on their scale. It’s a great concept and really makes them endearing. Again I have a thing for the underdogs but I still really like these guys. It’s why it annoys me they got kind of spat on with time: While I love Keith Giffen and Paul Levitz run on the legion, and feel it’s the best of that contnuinty it’s not without fault and the two basically spent a full issue mocking the team and split polar boy off from them before making their own subs with only ONE of the originals. It just felt.. disrspectful. And so far no continuity has used them again until the recent bendis run, which has them announced for the Future Slate special. It took BENDIS, who dosen’t get how to use the team properly and is up his own ass, to bring them back in a new continuity and I find that obnoxious. The subs are a great concept and deserve to be honored as such and as such are one of my favorite superhero teams. 

But their careers don’t start well as they doubt themslves, except for Polar Boy who boisters them along, and constnatly just end up going to missions the legion already has covered and when the legion go to fight some robot ships, they refuse the subs help.. which is fair though, as Brainy puts it they can’t risk putting untrained volunteers in harms way. Their about to just quit, in a really sad moment.. when CK, because I can’t spell cholophill and hate having to use spell check notices some odd seeds spread about.. and when he grows one a horrifying tree man shows up. They struggle with it till the setting son finishes it’s job, meaning Night Girl is at full power and whollops it and the subs spend the night destroying the seeds.  They  find out the next day the seeds came from the same planet as the robot ships, meaning the ships are a distraction for whoevers doing this and since they can’t just call earth, as the full force of the legion is needed with the robots and all it’d do is cause a panic, it’s down to them. Night Girl however is scared.. and I like that. It shows that while their regaining their confidence.. it’s sitll risky. Their a bunch of barely trained fanboys, and girl, going up against an alien invasion, with it down to them. They CAN save the world but it’s alright to be entirely terrified when your thrust into it this fast. 

They make their way to the planet, having built a ship earlier and lie low, finding out what’s going on: The plant men are fully intellegent, and grow themselves..though how they know to attack and go to the bathrom and what not out of the seed I don’t know but I assume it’s a genetic thing or they might be some form of hive mind. point is the seed plan is to grow troops all over the world via rockets for an invasion, and it’s a brilliant concept for one too. Aliens who simply GROW the troops right into battle, born with the knowledge to do so, and right where they can ambush them. It’s down to our heroes and Stone Boy, whose been the most pesemistic, valiantly dives in to provide a distraction so they can destroy the factory and the seeds. Turns out he is useful as the most the treeple have is a space lead pipe.. yes really. I love the silver age. But they’ll bring ray guns soon, so Stone BOy knows it’s a suicide mission and now our heroes have a timer. But luckily.. our heroes are stronger than they think. Night Girl punches a way in till Night passes, while Polar Boy and Flame Lad use their powers in concert to make an opneing.. but with time running out Polar Boy finishes things by having CK grow all the seeds now they have acess.. thus exploding the planets population, destroying several cities from the number of bodies, and thu discourguing the treeple from trying again. Stone boy is able to flee with the rest of our heroes and the day is saved. 

The heroes opt not to tell the public, as to take away glory for the Legion. It’s a noble gesture.. they do DESERVE credit, but they choose not to take it, preferring to let the legion get theres for stil lsaving the world from the robots. They stand firm, now confident they may someday make it to the big leagues.And it’s this that really makes me love them: Thier not the strongest or best, but they try anyway for the reasons a hero should: to help people, and not for the glory. THey remain unsung heroes and are fine with that.  Eventually the Legion WOULD find out about them, but naturally instead of being dickheads about it, fully accepted them, even offering them some contests for membership, but that’s a story for another day. THey’d remain stalwart allies and valuable backup in crisis situations for years to come until the bollocks outlined above. But they’d never leave my heart and thanks to them.. the legion never left either. 

Final Thoughts:  While I do love the story for it’s personal signifigance to me, It’s stilll a really good story for the time. A bit stilted as was the style, but still good, well paced and with an endaring cast of underdogs who prove themselves in the end. It’s something diffrent from the usual clean cut ahead in life wasps these stories usually followed at the time. While the team’s still all white and all that, their outcasts and misfits who just want to help and have trouble beliving in themselves. Their a good standard to live up to.. and a good inspiration for me and my constnatly self hating self doutbing self. And I hope you enjoyed htem too.  If you’d like to comission your own review, just dm me. It’s 5 bucks for individual issues. Later days. 

[midnightin]

The second season of The Umbrella Academy is out and boy am I glad I watched it without excitement or expectation, full on knowing that it was going to be a mess of apocalyptic proportions because it most certainly was. 

There were a lot of things that bothered me, stuff that I kiiinda liked, inconsequential plot points, OOC galore… well, let’s just say it was as disappointing as me and others have predicted.

Characters arc (from best to worst): Diego - Ben & Klaus - Five - Allison - Luther - Vanya.

Diego

Diego was consistent throughout the season and his arc was, in terms of consistency and development, the best. He kind of deserved it, considering how pointless he was in the previous season. 

I disliked the presence of a love interest though, not only because it completely erased the importance of Eudora Patch (may she rest in peace, you deserved better) in the life of Diego but the romance was rushed and unnecessary, I would’ve preferred to see the two as partners in crime before she inevitably showed her true colors.

Ben & Klaus

Yeah I’m sorry, I too would love to separate these two but once again Ben’s whole existence is attached to Klaus and what he decides to share of Ben presence with the others.

Klaus is one of the most amusing character on the show and I honestly preferred him in this season compared to the first one. His refusal to acknowledge Ben’s wishes to interact with the family was infuriating but also IC with how selfish Klaus is as a person. I liked the dynamic between him and Allison and I still don’t give a single fuck about cardboard-Dave.

As for Ben, nobody needed the romance sub-sub-sub plot with what-was-her-name, Jill? Wasted time on a pointless character. His big scene is in 2x09 when he enters what I believe is Vanya's mindscape? Great visuals. Weak dialogues and acting imho.

Anyway, Ben’s back in the ending but not as we would all like.

Five

Not an exceptional arc tbh, more of the same thing we had in season 1 but Five is once again the more solid one. His objective is clear from the very beginning and it doesn’t waver once; if in the first season he was trying to resolve the problem on his own now he’s working his ass off to reunite his ungrateful family. Poor man must be exhausted.

Five in the comics is a violent savage, thankfully that's not who he is in the show and I am so grateful for it. He is ruthless when he has to but he’s still so incredibly human. 

Allison 

Allison is deeply involved in the civil rights movement in the first act of the season then the whole thing sort of fall through and it’s not mentioned once? Ugh. She's adamant about not rumouring anyone but quickly forgets about it because Diego threw a barb at her… as much as I find it amusing to see her put Diego in its place it was something that current Allison wouldn’t do.

Alluther is still going bitchessss! Sucks to be one of those anti huh?

Luther

Luther is— well, strange? It feels like they turned him into a more goofy version probably because he was possibly the most hated of the seven by the fandom alongside Vanya. 

I'm not saying that I didn't like him this season but Luther is not dumb, so seeing him take a step back instead of trying to become a better leader in the second half of the season makes me sad. He deserved a good “redemption”, maybe more interaction with the siblings he physically (and mentally in Vanya’s case) harmed in the previous season.

His whole independence plot would've been one of the more interesting imo but it was cut off way too soon and in the end it didn’t go anywhere.

Vanya (UGH)

Vanya plot was... well, it was. I don’t even have the energy required to start and list all the things I hated about it. That plot wasn't what Vanya needed from the end she got in season 1. She certainly didn't need a new, boring love interest. I wanted to see her angry and resentful towards her family. I wanted to feel her rage, see her fear. And all we got was... that.

I hate it. It’s a waste of a character, a middle finger for all the mentally ill people that saw themselves in Vanya and were basically told “you’re too messed up to get better on your own, nobody would want to deal with something like that and help you get through it, talking about it and facing your fears is useless because you’re too damaged. what you need is a complete reset, a new personality, so that’s what you’ll get. Now smile.”

[pluckyredhead]

Daredevil 101: What Happened to Milla, Part 1

For the past while in Daredevil 101, Matt has been somewhat rockily married to a woman named Milla Donovan. Sharp-eyed readers may have noticed that Matt is no longer married in comics continuity. What happened?

*sigh* “To the Devil, His Due” and “Without Fear” happened, aka Daredevil v2 95-105 by Ed Brubaker and Michael Lark. Aka an absolutely interminable parade of pointless cruelty riddled with dangling plot threads and misogyny. Yes, the team that gave us the masterful “Devil in Cell Block D” has now gone off the rails so hard that Amtrak is still working on the repairs. (Sadly, their run never improves, so strap in, I guess.)

Now, Milla is not exactly my favorite character, but very few things in DD history make me madder than the way she was written off. It’s so clear that Brubaker wanted to fridge her but realized he couldn’t get away with a fifth dead Daredevil love interest, so he figured out a different “fate worse than death” (hoo boy we’ll have to unpack that in Part 2). No price is too high for a woman to pay if it means Matt Murdock suffers, amirite?

And with that tempting introduction (?), let’s get into it!

Content Warnings: Ableism, sexual assault and implied threats of sexual violence.

We begin with Melvin, who is in jail thanks to having attacked Matt back when he was blackmailed into doing so. Specifically, we begin with Melvin in a room with a bunch of dead bodies he swears up and down he isn’t responsible for.

Matt and Foggy and most especially Becky Blake believe him and take his case, but just a few days later it happens again - Melvin is found surrounded by dead bodies and claiming to have no memory of what happened but that he didn’t do it. The psych eval doesn’t go well, in that, well, he passes:

According to the doctor, this isn’t Melvin being taken over by his Gladiator personality or an actual second person stepping in - this is just Melvin himself killing people. Which for Melvin’s legal team (and friends) is the worst possible option, of course.

Meanwhile, Milla appears to have taken up therapy:

Aside from what this story does to Milla and Melvin, part of what makes it so bad is the structure. This was partially due to a couple of company-wide crossovers that we’ll see marching through the book in a little bit, but also just lots of things being set up and then dropped without going anywhere. Here we see Milla in therapy, which is never returned to or discussed. The sinister way this is framed makes it clear that the person she’s speaking to is the villain of the piece, but the fact that he met Milla at therapy is never revealed or mentioned at all. Later in the scene he says something about how he hasn’t told his wife that he’s in therapy but he should stop underestimating her, which is clearly meant to get under Milla’s skin in regards to her relationship with Matt, but that kind of subtle manipulation is too interesting for this story and leads absolutely nowhere. And of course we don’t get to actually see Milla talking to her therapist, which would require her to have an interior life.

Which means we have an entire scene that could have been replaced with a single panel of Milla bumping into someone on the street that would have had exactly the same effect on the plot. And the pacing problems only get worse from here, folks!

Anyway. The state decides to move Melvin, but he escapes his prison transport - and attacks Matt, who’s been keeping an ear on things:

Melvin kicks the crap out of Matt and escapes, but Matt realizes that there’s something wrong with Melvin - it may not be the Gladiator taking over, but this isn’t his friend, either.

The next day, Nelson and Murdock receive a surprise guest: Lily Lucca, who you may remember as she of the Karen-smelling perfume who aided and abetted in multiple murders and lured Matt into a confrontation with Vanessa Fisk:

As you’ll recall, the perfume Vanessa gave Lily to entrap Matt with makes her smell like every man’s fondest memory [INSERT GIANT EYEROLL HERE], which is why Foggy’s falling all over himself here. But now she has a problem: even though she’s not using the perfume anymore, she still smells like it, which means men are constantly creepily following her around, getting into fights over her, etc.

This is...sigh. There’s an aspect of “female character is punished for using her sexuality” here that makes me super uncomfortable. Certainly 90% of comic book villains have some kind of monkey’s paw in their backstory (“I tried to make a cool suit of armor and now I have robot tentacles!” “I tried to cryogenically freeze my dying wife and now I am really cold all the time!” etc.), but there’s a way in which it’s weaponized against certain types of female characters that’s deeply gendered and often kinda rape-y. (I got this vibe with Debbie and Micah Synn as well.) Lily wanted to control men through their desire to her? Well, now they might desire her so much they’ll assault her! That’ll show her! I guess. Ugh, it just grosses me out.

Anyway, Matt reluctantly agrees to help her, or more specifically have Dakota help her, since she won’t be affected by Lily’s scent the way he and Foggy will. Even with this caveat, when he meets Milla for dinner she does not like this:

I think we’re meant to be reading Milla as not being entirely rational about Lily because she’s so jealous of Karen’s memory and Lily reminds Matt of Karen, but she’s not wrong. I have no idea if we’re meant to read Matt as being sort of a douche in this scene but if my husband was like “Keep your voice down” and “Don’t be so hyperbolic” I would walk out of that fucking restaurant.

Or run, as the case may be:

Matt distracts Melvin so that Milla can get away (lotta Ms in this storyline), then somehow quick-changes to Daredevil for a fight. Melvin knocks him out and Matt wakes up handcuffed in the back of a police car:

The cops are arguing because it’s the middle of Civil War, which didn’t touch the Daredevil book very much but Matt was firmly on the anti-registration Team Cap side, unsurprisingly. As an unregistered superhero, just being out in a mask made him a criminal. (They don’t do anything with the fact that his secret identity was basically an open book at this point, which would have been interesting.)

Anyway, The Mysterious Voice Speaking On A Frequency Only Matt Can Hear gleefully tells him that he left his wallet at the restaurant, which has his home address, which means Melvin knows where to find Milla. Of course, Melvin was one of Matt’s bodyguards when his identity was first exposed and definitely already knew where he lived, but whatever.

Milla is, of course, wandering around the apartment in nothing but a bra and panties when Melvin shows up, because Daredevil artists apparently love putting her in her underwear to terrorize her and this is the last chance they’ll have to do it.

Melvin takes Milla up to the roof to wait for Matt. I’m including this exchange, where Milla tries to talk him down by appealing to his better nature, because it’s basically her last moment as herself. Reminding others of their better angels has always been one of her strengths, and she deserves to have that highlighted before...everything else.

Matt shows up. Melvin throws Milla off the roof:

Matt miraculously saves her and returns to fight Melvin, but Melvin has pretty much given up at this point and it’s all over but the crying. He’s bundled off to maximum security, and that’s...well, that’s the end of Melvin. This storyline came out in 2007, and this sweet, interesting character who has been around since the Silver Age has been unusable ever since. So thanks for that, Brubaker.

Matt’s furious, and determined to figure out who did this to Melvin:

“What did your sensei say about fighting angry?” always makes me laugh. Also, why would you ever suggest Matt follow Stick’s advice, Foggy, honestly.

(Foggy is A+++++ in this storyline and it makes me mad that I can’t even enjoy it because he’s just frantically trying to salvage a steaming pile of shit the whole time. Also given the overall ableism in this story I’m a little :/ that he basically takes over being the functional adult like Matt’s incapable of it.)

Matt runs into another dropped plot thread here because he gets on the trail of a street drug that makes people angry, which, like, how would Melvin have even gotten that in prison anyway, especially nonconsensually? Also, every other depiction of this drug shows it putting the user into a senseless rage, but Melvin sure was able to find his old lair, put on his Daredevil costume, track down Matt, and kidnap his wife when the plot required him to. How very Guardian Devil.

Anyway, Matt starts tracking the drug to its source. Meanwhile, Milla shows up at N&M:

Yeah, from here on out Milla is all tears and hysteria. Sigh.

Foggy decides to take her home, and Lily tags along, even though Foggy thinks that’s a REALLY REALLY bad idea because a) she's upsetting Milla, b) she fucks with Foggy’s head, and c) every dude in the subway is going to be all over her. But Lily insists, because she’s...manipulative? Genuinely feeling guilty and choosing the absolute worst way to fix that? Flimsy plot reasons? Let’s go with flimsy plot reasons.

While waiting for the train, Milla pretty much loses her shit at Lily, and also the world in general:

“I don’t know what I’ve done to you” is pretty rich, Lily. YOU LURED HER HUSBAND ON A MURDER CHASE ACROSS EUROPE.

Meanwhile, Dakota is still trying to figure out where Vanessa got Lily’s original perfume from - and Matt has followed the drug trail back to the Enforcers, a bunch of goofy-ass Silver Age villains we haven’t seen in decades. (They are specifically named the Ox, Fancy Dan, and Montana. They are ridiculous.) They clobber him and take him to their leader:

LARRY CRANSTON. MISTER FEAR. He made the perfume. He drove Melvin insane. And he’s the reason behind what happens next:

Lily lives. The random bystander does not. And when Matt, having been literally thrown out of the window and into the garbage by Mister Fear, returns home, Foggy is waiting for him:

Next Time: Milla is taken into custody, and Matt searches for a cure.

[istheresomebodywhocanimagine]

King of the Jungle Gym

anonymous said: Hi love!!!! I love your writing!!! Could you do one with your best friend Roger and you call him “Roggie” for the first time and he’s in absolute awe over it.

(a/n: a short little WHOLESOME WEDNESDAY for yall hey hi how you doin here’s some platonic!roger for everyone to enjoy. also we luv bullying brian even tho he’s my fave boi)

“Brian, what on Earth are you reading right now?”

You couldn’t help but giggle as Freddie took the words right out of your mouth. He seemed exasperated by the horrid jokes that Brian was reading off a little newspaper he’d grabbed on the way into the studio. In his hand was the Sunday strip, the comics and jokes and all else that no one actually enjoyed except for people like him. You’d had to listen to him chortle at all of them for the last 15 minutes while they took a quick break.

“Daffynitions. I love them. Listen to this one – insolent: fallen off the Isle of Wight ferry. Get it? In the Solent?” You stifled a groan as you listened to Brian read yet another crappy joke, and one glance up to Roger’s face confirmed that he was just as annoyed.

Leaning forward, Roger snatched the paper from Brian’s hands before stretching his arm out on the couch behind you again, clutching the paper in his other hand and scanning it lazily. You nestled into Roger’s side, still holding your book, but you also looked over the comics. Quite a few eye-rollers were in there, but it seemed that Brian had purposely picked the worst ones to torment you.

Suddenly, Roger straightened up a bit, and you gave him a puzzled look. “Ooh! This one has you written all over it, Brian, hear me out.” Brian, apprehensive but all too curious to hear what had intrigued Roger, nodded as he waited for him to continue. “Perfectionist: a person who takes great pains, and gives them to others.”

A full-on snort came from someone to your left, and you looked over to see Deacon snickering to himself, bright red in the face as he covered his mouth and avoided Brian’s hellish gaze. Unamused, Brian stood up and snatched the paper out of Roger’s hand before beginning to stalk out of the room. “Oh, Brian, he didn’t mean it!” you laughed, but he wasn’t having it.

“Save it, Y/N. I’m going to get some air,” he muttered as he threw up a hand to silence you, throwing the door open and letting it slam shut behind him before he disappeared from your view.

There were a few seconds of silence and then Freddie broke it, bursting out laughing as Roger tried to hold his chuckles in to no avail. His whole torso shook as he laughed, slightly jostling you, but you only grinned and shook your head as you attempted to go back to your book. “If he had any more sense, he’d legally change his name to Punching Bag May, as much as you lot torture him.”

“Torture him?” Roger scoffed, nicking the book out of your hand and closing it as he ignored your whine of protest. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but did we not just spend twenty bloody minutes listening to the worst jokes in history?”

“I second that,” Deacon chimed in, and you gave him a mock disapproving look in response. He only shrugged, grinning before looking back down to his bass and picking at it aimlessly.

But Freddie seemed to be of the same mind, at least for a moment. “I suppose we were a bit harsh on him,” he practically giggled, still amused by Roger’s jab at Brian’s incessant need for perfection. “But God, those jokes were insufferable, weren’t they?”

“Hear, hear,” Roger assented, yelping and narrowing his eyes at you when you smacked his arm lightly.

“You should apologize,” you chastised gently, reaching across his lap and snatching your book back up off the couch. “In fact, we should all apologize.”

The other two were quick to shut down that idea. “I believe it’s Roger who made the tasteless joke,” Deacon pointed out, Freddie nodding vigorously in agreement. They did have a point – Roger knew it as well as you did, judging by the way his torso sagged as he realized it. So, you sat your book back down again and hopped to your feet, holding out your hand for Roger. He stared at it with a reluctant gaze, looking between you and your hand sadly.

“Please don’t make me do this,” he almost whispered, but you weren’t moved by his boyish looks. His pout did him no good – you’d been best friends far too long to be swayed by his teary doe eyes and melodramatic pout. Sighing, he admitted defeat and took your hand, rising from the couch with your help while grumbling to himself.

“That’s the spirit!” You were trying to be encouraging, but nothing could cheer him up as he shuffled out of the room, looking left and right once you’d gotten into the hallway. “Think he’s out there?” you asked, nodding towards the window to the fire escape on the far end of the hallway.

“Why are you asking me? I’m fucking blind,” he grumbled, peering down at the window hopelessly before groaning and starting to lazily make his way down the hallway in that general direction. You followed, holding the drapes back for him as he peeked out, finding Brian sitting on the edge and dangling his legs over while looking down at the alley below.

Lifting your leg, you gave Roger’s ass a gentle nudge with your foot, pushing him forward ever so slightly and making him nearly hit his head as he straightened back up, giving you the death glare. Giggling, you rolled your eyes and shoved him out of the way, crawling out on the fire escape first and waving when Brian turned to look at you momentarily.

“Come to rattle me some more, you two?” he muttered, crawling to his feet reluctantly and quickly towering over you as he stretched.

Roger clambered out of the window behind you, cursing to himself as he nearly stepped in bird poop, and finally joined you two, giving Brian a sheepish smile. “I brought him out here to apologize,” you corrected, and Brian cocked his head, turning to Roger with an expectant look.

“Er, yeah,” Roger mumbled, rubbing the side of his neck as he searched for the right words. “Sorry for giving you hell about the funny papers, mate. The jokes just weren’t my cup of tea. Shouldn’t have shit on you for that.”

You grinned widely as you looked between the two of them, and Brian shrugged as he crossed his arms. “It’s alright. I’ve tossed them already anyways.”

Quickly turning to Roger, you saw him glance at you with a helpless look before he cleared his throat. “Well, that’s no good. What if you missed a good laugh?” After a moment of silence, you nudged him with your elbow, mouthing the word ‘more’ and raising an eyebrow when he tried to resist. Sighing, he pulled out his wallet. “How about I buy you another one?”

“No need, I don’t want to bore anyone else today,” Brian replied in his best attempt to stay lighthearted, but you saw that he was clearly miffed about the fact that he’d thrown his paper away in the heat of the moment. “Let’s just go-“

“Nonsense, Brian, we’ll go down and get you another right now!” you interrupted, placing a hand on his arm reassuringly and smiling at him. After pondering for a moment, he gave you a small smile in return and nodded.

Roger was completely relieved that you’d saved the moment, and cheered before leading the three of you back inside and down to the street out front, where there was a news kiosk. A few minutes later, Brian was back in the studio with a new copy of the paper in hand, and you were back on the couch with Roger, who was only moderately grumbly as he settled in while Freddie started to record some vocals.

“Hope he fucking enjoys that one as much as he did the last,” Roger muttered, just loud enough for you to hear as he watched Brian scan the paper in the far corner. You snickered and shook your head, leaning against his side and picking up your book again.

“Proud of you, Roggie.”

Roger stiffened up all of a sudden, and you furrowed your eyebrows as you looked up to see Deacon staring you down, a glint of amusement in his eye. Looking back to Roger, you also found him to be staring at you, but with something closer to a look of awe. “What did you just say?” he asked, Deacon scooting closer as he was dying to hear the ensuing conversation.

“What?” You were confused. Rewinding back a few seconds, you chewed on your lip as you tried to recall what you’d said. “I said I’m proud of you.”

“No, after that?”

“I didn’t say anything after that!” you exclaimed, thoroughly baffled as to why both Roger and Deacon were suddenly uber-interested in what you’d said offhandedly.

“No, I believe you did,” Deacon interjected, and you sighed exasperatedly.

“Enlighten me, the both of you, then! I’m fucking clueless!”

“Proud of you, Roggie,” Roger repeated, a goofy smile nearly cracking his face from ear to ear as he continued to watch you in amazement. “I haven’t heard that name since I was a kid. I quite like it. Very cute.”

Deacon was snickering now. “I can only imagine. Roggie Taylor, king of the jungle gym.”

“Hey!” Roger gave Deacon a serious look, wiping the smile off his face as best as he could as he jabbed a finger in his direction. His volume alerted Brian, who looked up and curiously observed the conversation. “That’s Mr. Roggie Taylor, king of the jungle gym AND ladies, to you, sir.” He broke character once again, laughing and looking back down to you. “I had tons of girlfriends back then. Was quite a cute little shit, if I do say so myself.”

“Wonder what happened?” Deacon once again chimed in, making you laugh once and cover your mouth as Roger rolled his eyes playfully and gave you a gentle shove.

“No, Roger, I’m sorry!” you laughed, wrapping an arm around him as he tried to scoot away from you on the couch. He stopped, chuckling, and shook his head.

“What happened to Roggie?” he asked, pulling you into his side again as Brian stood up and entered the booth with Red, apparently going to record something. He stopped for a momentary exchange with Freddie as Roger gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze, gaining your attention again. “I like that nickname, makes me seem like a real wholehearted person. Actually, I love it. Call me that more often, would you?”

“Alright, if you insist, Roggie.” Roger smiled at your teasing words, then turned to the door as Freddie burst in, clapping his hands a few times as he stared directly at Roger with a mischievous glint adorning his dark eyes.

“Oh, Roggiiiieeeee!”

Roger groaned loudly as he looked back at you, shaking his head. “Nevermind.”

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Full Endgame spoilers/review:

(TL;DR: It was really fucking good. Theres some bad obviously but overall worth it. Even after reading the spoilers and feeling like I may not like it as much as I thought I would... I actually liked it more.)

- - So as I said I loved the movie I had some gripes but overall I thought it was one hell of a fun, entertaining movie. I'll go by each characters story in my review saving Cap and Tony for last.

Natasha- Honestly? Though I think the MCU dropped the ball on the 0G6 being a believable family... I think Nats role in this movie was sweet. I really like the scene where Tony Nat and Bruce were laying down talking about Strange and the stones. It was really cute but it really made me wish we got to see this earlier. Joss dropped the ball hard in AoU. Ive said it one and I'll say it again. AoU should have been the movie where the Avengers were a solid unit throughout the movie.Nats death was... heroic but honestly her and Clint beating the shit out of each other because neither could stand the thought of the other being sacrificed was kinda funny and cute which is jarring to the story. It kinda sucks that she was fridged before the final battle though.

Clint- What are the fucking odds that every one of his family was dusted? But w/e. Clint having a wild sword battle in Japan... it was ridiculous and weird and IDK what they were thinking with that scene but it was played really dramatically but I laughed? Cuz it was so over the top and silly... even though he just slit that guys throat and Nats like :c Clint~ honey no its fine... and they hold hands over the guys warm corpse. LMFAO WHAT!? Im at least happy his kids got him back if nothing else.

Bruce- ... Bruce with Hulks big green body? NICE. Thats gonna have some interesting fanart I can already tell and I lift my glass to you. I once tried to draw a little comic where Bruce and Hulk separated but also had swapped bodies.... so Bruce had Hulks body but I never did finish it I wonder if I still have it saved somewhere. Anyways. Honestly? I found Bruce in this movie to be equal parts funny and annoying? Like it was a bit jarring sometimes that he was so lighthearted despite everything.

Thor- When I read the spoilers I thought I was gonna really dislike Thor but watching it I understood where Thor was coming from and I couldnt really blame him for spiraling and its not like anyone close to him seemed to even check up on him despite clearly knowing where he was. Im really sad that it took all those years and only until he was needed for someone to try and talk Thor through what he was going through. Im not annoyed with Thor. Im annoyed with the rest of them (minus Tony and I guess Clint? Considering.). Bruce was his friend in Ragnarok, Nat keeps talking about them being family, and Steve is their leader where the hell were they? Unless im missing something... I guess Valkyrie too but shes been picking up his slack as a leader and was holding the Asgardians together so I can cut her some slack. ANYWAYS. Thor was kinda funny in the movie but it was kind of hard to enjoy his goofiness. It kind felt like Tony in IM2. Speaking of Im glad Tony seemed really tolerant of Thors drunk behavior... I was sure he would throw a lot of shots like Rocket did. I wish they had a moment to talk about Thor self medicating with booze... Tonys been there. I get why they couldnt really but.. His scene with Frigga was really nice. Frigga is a bad bitch raised by witches and shit.... she knows all~ A wise woman that Frigga.

Scott- HOLY SHIT Did I love Scott in this movie. He was soo funny and cute... and bullied a lot. You know I have a thing for easily bulliable character. And Scott just got spanked left and right. His helpless goofiness reminded me of Harry from KKBB a little. He bounced off everyone well and it makes me kinda wish he was one of the OG6 instead of Clint. He was more of the heart that kept the Avengers together than anyone. Also him and Tony talking about Caps ass? HILARIOUS. Bisexual icons honestly. 'That suit did nothing for your ass.' 'No one asked you to look!' 'I think you look great Cap as far as Im concerned thats Americas ass!' and then later Caps all 'That IS Americas ass.' Unbelievable. But his best scene is still him reuniting with Cassie. She was so big! Im so happy she got her dad back... but Bruces failed time travel machine scene.... that was a close second. 'Somebody peed my pants... idk if it was baby me or old me........ or me me.' Also the 'whats up regular sized man' scene is longer and more hilarious than the preview showed. FUCK YOUR TACO SCOTT. At least Bruce is nice to him. I ship GreenAnt a little. Rocket petting Scott and mockingly calling him a puppy. SAME.

Rhodey- JESUS RHODEY. Speaking of hilarious idiots. Im glad he got a bigger roll in this movie but he didnt hug Tony when he got back so whats the point? BUT W/E... He was hilarious and amazing. It was nice to see him step up as one of the sorta leaders after the snappening. But he was also A HUGE FUCKING DORK THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH. Thinking that a secret cavern with a spooky name would be boobytrapped like in Indiana Jones and trying to convince Nebula to be careful. Naming a bunch of shitty time travel movies to prove a point about time travel (with Scotts help) and going back in time to kill baby Thanos...and Bruce was like 'yeah... no...' and him fucking TRASHING the magic of the iconic opening scene of the first GotG where Quill is dancing.... 'so hes an idiot?' RHODEY PLEEEEAAASSSEEEE have mercy. Him and Nebula are a trip. Also I made a note to mention Don Cheadles BEAUTIFUL soft voice. So here it is. I love Don Cheadles beautiful soft voice. He had too few scenes with Tony but their first scene when Tony starts freaking out and hes trying to get Tony to calm down was pretty good... and god that ending.... ;-; How come Rhodey got NO lines while Tony was dying? But also in the same position I dont think Id have any words either. I too would just cry. And did... for Tony. But yeah besides his lack of scenes with Tony I really loved Rhodeys scenes. I usually do. Hes adorable.

Nebula: Sweetie... You are just amazing. Shes legit one of the best most solid characters in the movie. The opening scenes between her and Tony? FUCKING adorable. Im sad we dont see more of them after the time skip. I also wish we got a longer scene of Neb and Rocket talking when she gets to earth... I guess just seeing them sit together sadly was enough to portray the emotions but.... I MEAN. More Nebula wouldnt hurt anyone. Having to see two tortured versions of Nebula was upsetting. Future Nebula who lost so much and past Nebula still under Thanos' thumb. 'You can change!' 'He wont let me' OOF. Im sad that past Nebula was killed... but appreciate that even in that moment past Gamora was upset to see her be killed. Im glad with Present Neb, Gamora was so easily heel-face turned. She loves her sister. Also their moment after past Gamora beats up present Quill was hilarious 'Really? This is the guy?' 'The choices were him or a tree.' WHAT ABOUT DRAX, NEBULA?! I know I said I may not watch any MCU movies after this but I might tune in for GotG3 for Nebula (and Thor).

Steve: I actually ENJOYED Steve in this movie for the most part. For the first time in any movie... even by himself I kind of enjoyed Steve. Especially the scene when hes fighting himself and his past self says 'I can do this all day' and hes like 'Tst... yeah I know... okay' Like he was sick of his own damn bullshit. And frankly? Same. Also him whispering 'Hail hydra' to get the scepter? Hilarious. I cant help but see it as a knock at that shitty Hydra Cap comic that everyone hated. But despite me enjoying Steve for most of the film... the MCUs inability to write a good romance and pretending like Steve and Peggys relationship was a peak or something completely undoes it all. It would still NOT BE GREAT regardless but the fact the RUSSOS are the ones who brought Sharon into TWS in the first place makes it SO MUCH WORSE that Steve dipped out. Steve should have moved on... even if it wasnt with Sharon. They could have at least MENTIONED HER but they knew they couldnt because then it would be too highlighted that Steve is a fucking FUCK BOY who used the niece of the woman he loved as a surrogate and that him going back to the past means hes gonna be meeting little Sharon at some point. Also? Really? Steve you have this whole new family you supposedly love and can live your life with but you rather go back in the past because the first woman who was nice to you was there? Move on. Its so fucking weird that hes so obsessed with her. You have your childhood friend and the rest of your new friends... and supposedly a girlfriend. IDK how anyone could be happy with that ending for him. But I guess its in character... remember the note he sent Tony 'I've been on my own since I was 18.' What about Bucky? He was there with you and you had family in the Avengers supposedly. Natasha seemed to think so. YOURE SUCH A FUCKIN SCUMBAG STEVE. Jesus.

Tony: First of all Id just LOVED his scenes with Nebula as I said. He sat there patiently teaching how to play paper football and held her win. It was REALLY cute. When he passed out she picked him up off the floor and sat him down on the chair and pat him. REAL CUTE. He nicknamed her 'The Blue Meanie' its cute and he tried to give her the last of their food but she insisted he eat it. Bobbos eyes never looked more gorgeous than in that scene where Carol finds them honestly. Tonys I told you so was really really sad. It had a lot of feeling like that scene in AoU when he laughs hysterically and starts ranting? Rhodey tried to calm him down but he just ripped into Cap. Also he yanked off his arc reactor and I FULLY JUMPED IN PANIC because I forgot it wasnt in him. I fully flinched. But he pulled his heart out and gave it to Steve and then passed out. Tony and Peppers daughter is ADORABLE. And her interactions with Tony are so sweet. Domestic Tony is lovely. I love that when Steve and the gang roll up on him Morgan runs out during their discussion and is like 'Mom told me to come and save you....' and hes like 'Well Ive been saved!' REAL CUTE. Also he swore and his daughter copied him and hes like NOOOOO!!!!!!! LMAO. LANGUAGE Tony. Tony is motivated to fix things seeing that pic of him and Peter. Hes such a softie. IM REALLY REALLY SAD that we finally see Pepper kinda GET Tonys need to be Iron Man and is like 'But could you rest?'. The one time she encourages him to go back to be Iron Man and he fucking DIES. Im so sad for Pepper. But that scene between them where shes like 'We'll be ok.... you can rest now.' FUCK. Im crying again. That scene between him and Steve- 'Someone shoula warned you~' 'You did...' 'Oh did I? Thank god Im here' has the same energy as 'Who taught you how to dance?' 'You did.' 'Well Ive done a marvelous job!' It was pretty great. Tonys nicknames for Scott are 'Pissant' and 'Thumbelina.' Im not OVERLY fond of his scenes with Howard. But honestly? My brother is the same way with our dad... he just chooses to forget the bad stuff and focus on the few good times. I cant do that but if it made Tony happier then VERY WELL. I wish Tony coulda talked to Jarvis too tho... just a word... anything? Best Tony scene is Peter babbling about how he musta passed out because Tony was gone and and and and Tony just hugs him so tightly and Peters hugs back and is like :D 'this is nice'! Though that STARK contrast of them after Tony uses the gauntlet... and Peter is like 'Mr Stark... we won... we did it... no Mr Stark...' Big Simba and Mufasa feels (and kind of Hughes and Elicia tbh). Not cool Disney. I was already crying. Rhodey was the first to reach Tony and Tony couldnt say ANYTHING to anyone and Rhodey just pets his cheek... Tony was just looking around as his family just has to watch helplessly as hes dying and Pepper tells him its ok. His funeral was really nice. He recorded a message for everyone kind of like his message for Pepper on the ship. Everyone was there... I think even Harley (Im really sad we didnt see them get reunited even once). The scene with Happy and Morgan was really sweet. 'I'll buy all the cheeseburgers you want....' It was cool to because... ya know.... Jon Favreau. He got a really beautiful end. I wish he could just retire and live with Pep and Morgan... but if he had to die... that was a really lovely sendoff. SO ALL IN ALL. Awesome movie. I didnt get to see past elderly Steve passing the shield off to Sam... I'll have to rewatch it again when theres a better version. Especially for that fucking STUNNING end battle. Even with the shitty cam I watched it looked AMAZING and I cant wait for it in HD.