#a majority of his problems could have been solved by fact checking

[artethdilaf]

the fact that dilaf listed like 30 names for his odivs, a percentage of them just arelish nobles, and hrathen didn’t fuckign question it for a second

[demodraws0606]

WxS THEORY : Rui is driving himself into a corner

Ok I needed to make a big rambly analysis post again because I just read this post that absolutely rotted my brain (pls check it out) -> https://www.tumblr.com/sankatsuka/741871319388389377?source=share

I kinda want to share my overall thoughts on how Rui is being written overall and what I think it could possibly lead to.

Introduction.

So okay... we can agree how colorpalet writes Rui is weird as shit right ?

Like, this is very obvious when you look at Rui's two most recent events Backlight and Curtain. Both of them actually end on cliffhangers, leaving things open ended with hints at future problems. In fact Curtain Call's consequences haven't been fully addressed yet as Rui still hasn't talk about Asahi to WxS and we know he's coming back.

However, it's not just that that could be pointed out as strange, in fact, in both of these events Rui fails.

In Curtain Call, he fails to understand his own feelings as he accepts to join Arcland.

In Backlight, he fails to understand how to fix the issue in the movie

Not only that but those events both show Rui isolating himself from WxS (with varying levels of severity) trying to figure out the problem and fix it. Often to the point where WxS get mildly concerned for him and want to help him (again with varying levels of severity).

Both of these events seem to show that Rui is stuck on something, there is a reason why he can't seem to solve the problems that he's facing weither major or minor.

So, clearly there is a reocurring problem right ? If Rui seemingly keeps on failing then colorpalet has to be setting up something.

With Curtain Call it seemed like what they were setting up was some kind of confrontation about the disbandement but Rui is weirdly set aside in the Emu's event. Which it doesn't feel like a mistake considering they chose to make it an Emu event instead of Rui on purpose when they couldn't have it be a Tsukasa focus.

In Happy End, Rui's communication with WxS is very limited. His feelings never get personally confronted as he mostly just attempts to try and fix the situation until he's met with rejection to which he just very much gives up. It's only when Emu's brothers offer an olive branch that Rui finally jumps at the opportunity to speak.

However, despite it being a hopeful step forward...it doesn't fix Rui's issues here. In fact he withdraws from even speaking about his situation with Asahi which for me is the baseline of Rui being honest with his feelings.

Sure, he does end up helping in Happy End and his feelings are reafirmed but...he also fails here. His first plan to keep them together fails because he didn't communicate with them, it's Emu's brother that truly end up coming up with a solution at the end.

So what is Rui's problem ? What is the red flag that colorpalet keeps waving ?

2. A concerning pattern

Post-Curtain Call helped highlight a very clear pattern with Rui.

It's a toxic mix between his abandonnement issues and self sacrificing nature.

Rui gets insecure a lot about how his potentialy missgivings could affect WxS, to the point where it's become a concerning pattern.

-Dazzling Light Event (and Nene Canary Event) : Rui gets insecure over not being able to be a suitable director for Tsukasa and hurting his acting in the process. This insecurity comes back again in Nene's fourth event in Rui's side card story.

-Shibuya fes with Mafurui : He almost hurts his fucking leg because he couldn't bear the idea that he could inconvenience WxS

-Disbandement Arc : He refused to talk to WxS about his feelings and still hasn't talked fully about them with Asahi. He literally isolated himself to make a plan to keep WxS together behind their back.

All of these show that Rui still has this fear that he could do something that would set him apart from WxS and that often influences his actions.

Rui's issue here is a lack of priority and a self sacrificial nature that borderlines on self destructive at some poiints. Everything he does is motivated in some sense by WxS.

Recently when he mentions his dreams and ambition like in Tsukasa's most recent event, he wants to make WxS shine. It's the subject of one of his early second art stickers.

"I'll bring out your strength"

Which... let's talk about Rui's dreams and amibitons.

3. Rui and his dream

A lot of people characterise Rui as extremely passionate which is true....or is it really ?

Okay here me out, I don't think we can deny he definitely has a lot of passion for what he does but we can't deny there is definitely something going on.

First of all, Rui is the only character where we don't really have an event of him trying to progress towards his dream, backlight is the first one and it shows him failing.

Second of all, Rui is the only one to have been ready to compromise his dream for WxS which has not been the case for anyone else in WxS. Sure Emu left Pheonix Wonderland, but she knows she'll come back eventually.

Which like leads me to this realisation with his second event specifically it's name, Revival My Dream.

The event where we see Rui at his happiest, fully comfortable in where he was compared to now.

His dreams has never just been to bring people smiles, what he always wanted was a way to connect with people with shows to have a group of friends that actually liked him and didn't reject him for being weird.

But he was bullied into accepting that he didn't actually care about other people, he rationalised that maybe accomplishing his dream alone would make him happy but his friends are part of his dream.

It's this conflict between his dream and his relationship with WxS that is fucking him up especially post-curtain call.

He has to support WxS, he has to be the reliable one, he has to figure out how they can still stay together...

But why ? Why does he put that responsibility in himself

Even then in the Backlight event he's so obsessed with finding the answer himself

Because he's still on that mindset, similar to wonder-halloween just a lot less severe. WxS saved him and they mean the world to him that he'll just allow to be trampled just to make them happy. In fact you see that with even more simpple fun moments with how he ate Touya's rancid cupcake just to make him happy, it's shown time and time again he will sacrifice his own needs for the needs of others to a dangerous point.

4. What it means for Rui's future

I think all these things will end up catching up to Rui

We saw this with Tsukasa, we saw his ups and downs of trying to improve and fight his insecurities led to him having a breakdown.

All these things just keep on building up and colorpalet is very unsubtle with how strange they are with his sad expressions in the tetrad 2dmv and his trained cards (which i can go deeper into).

This could go again in different ways but eventually WxS will have to confront him about it, finally make him communicate his feelings for once.

Again we still have Cyberpunk Deadboy and what it could signify for the future of Rui's arc which I already talked about

It's all just really strange and weird there are even stranger things that i could talk about but i'm eepy so i'll leave it at that lol

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Defiant One, Pt. 5

Sheppard takes off and McKay turns to Brendan seemingly with the need to explain their behaviour just now: "It's fine, we just--"

Even though they just what you could call had their "first fight," he's still using the "we" pronoun. They are becoming an item.

The concept of the "first fight" is romantic, something that is expected to happen in a relationship. We're reminded of this in Harmony (S04E14), where a young girl that is utterly smitten with Sheppard tells him:

Harmony: You're mad at me. Sheppard: Hmm. Harmony: Our first fight! I knew it would happen eventually. We'll laugh about this one day. Sheppard: I'm sure we will.

(This seems actually to be in reference to what happens in Trinity (S02E06), as while it is a very serious fracture in their relationship John does seem to learn to laugh about it eventually, and can't help but keep bringing it up to poke at McKay. But this is their actual first fight, or at the very least, a quarrel; a spat).

While they have been using 'we' throughout the episode, this is also when McKay starts to really use Major in reference to Sheppard. He has of course called Sheppard Major before and, in fact, it was the very first thing he ever said to him ("Major, think about where we are in the solar system").

(I don't know what Sheppard was thinking there that the machine intuitively responded to but the lines sure seem to converge right where McKay is standing).

But there's a noticeable change, and it starts right here. He's using Major as a name, not a designation. Like Major is his first name instead of John. Major Sheppard. It creates distance between them, it makes visible the hierarchy that is supposed to be there between them, to be sure. And yet in this episode, it's not McKay that has wanted to create distance between them but Sheppard. Quite the opposite, McKay has been wanting to get closer and definitely did not want to be separated from Sheppard just now. McKay was getting more and more agitated -- not at the thought of being left alone (with Brendan), not at the thought of being in potential danger (in the wraith ship), but of not being with Sheppard. And his desire wasn't motivated by fear, McKay just wanted to be with him, and wanted Sheppard to want to be with him too.

So, McKay doesn't want to create distance by using the title as designation. He uses it to remind himself not to cross a line, not to do or even to think anything foolish. To remind himself that the man is off limits. To remind himself that he's not supposed to be attracted to guys, and certainly not this guy. And even if he was, there's no way that he could ever love him back because Rodney McKay unlovable and only tolerated for his ability to solve problems. That even if by some miracle his feelings were reciprocated, it would still be a very bad idea to act on them, as it might get the Major in serious trouble with his superiors and the hierarchy of his chosen profession. The more Rodney wishes something could happen between them, the more desperately he speaks the name 'Major' to tell himself that it can't, not for a hundred good reasons. And it is noticeable that he starts using it more frequently here.

While he's visibly upset that Sheppard chose to go after the wraith, he immediately does what Sheppard told him to do. He starts taking care of Brendan the way Sheppard had done earlier, peeling back the gunk and patching him up. He seems distracted, though. He checks the life-signs detector that Sheppard apparently left back for him (still making sure that Rodney is safe even when he's not there; they had two since they got the other from Dr. Abrams). Brendan asks him whether there's anything there, apparently thinking that McKay was checking for the wraith. He wasn't. He was very obviously looking for Sheppard, looking to see where he was going, how far he had gotten. It was Brendan's question "Anything?" that seems to remind him that the wraith even exist.

This was probably the very thing that made Brendan come to the observation he makes a bit later. McKay looks at the blood on his hand, looks at what the wraith have done to this man in front of him and immediately feels that he has to look at someone's life-sign. But then he looks confused when asked about whether there are any wraith around. Clearly, he was worried. And just as obviously, he wasn't worried the wraith were out to get them.

Kolya had never met either man before, but he was still able to sense something was going on between them. But here, we are to understand that Dr. Gaul knows McKay pretty well, has been around him enough to have a baseline for his normal behaviour. I would go so far as to suggest that he even knew or at least suspected that McKay isn't quite straight. There's the earlier quip about girlish fear with which he cast aspersion on his masculinity. But they also have this exchange:

Gaul: You're not gonna let me die out here, are you? McKay: No. Don't be ridiculous. Gaul: You know, ‘cause people would talk. McKay: Why would they do that? Gaul: It's obvious. You're afraid I'll outshine you. My mind, my youth...

People would talk, he jokes. If he left his younger, better-looking colleague to die only to return with the Major. He is implying that they would think McKay had left him to die out of jealousy as well as envy. McKay doesn't seem to catch the implication because all of that is very alien to how he thinks. He has not been jealous or envious of this man; everything we've seen tells us that the opposite is true (up to and including Dr. Gaul's attempts to unsuccessfully engage Sheppard and get his attention).

It wasn't McKay's interaction with Sheppard in the jumper, their constant back-and-forth, McKay's earlier bravado, nothing McKay had displayed before this moment that had struck Brendan as odd. It wasn't that McKay and Sheppard were acting real cozy and that McKay was constantly at his side, the intimacy between them. It was this. This genuine worry for someone other than himself. This tells Brendan (and us) that the change in McKay isn't superficial. It's soul-deep.

Continued in Pt. 6

[booksofpeach]

Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Plot:

4/5 

I’m not a fan of war themed books, but this one genuinely blew my mind, in the case of worldbuilding. I’m not particularly fond of maps on the first page, but with this one, I felt it was necessary, and I checked it often. The power system and the structure of Basgiath was easy to see through. My main issue was that the plot was predictable. I could tell the first time the wyverns & venins were mentioned that they were real. I also was counting on Xaden being a ‘traitor’, and what came alongside that. Brendan living was a pleasant surprise, although keeping it a secret from Violet could potentially cause more problems. The biggest problem I have with the story is that while the first half of the book is full of military tasks, problems to be solved and world building, the second half is more of a heavily romance-focused shallow nonsense with a quite interesting battle scene at the end (which saved the story at this point). Overall it was a well-constructed story with some holes in it, but it was quite all right for setting a story. 

Protagonist: 

4/5

At first, I actually liked Violet as our main character. She wasn’t too whiny, and she has that get-shit-done attitude. She certainly has a strong personality, which made me like her more. I really liked her witty comments, and her banter with the other characters. I liked reading her thoughts on things, and the way she made connections with the others. What I regretted was that she is supposed to be the smartest character, yet I didn't feel she was particularly that intelligent. For sure she wasn’t dumb, but sometimes I figured out things faster than she did. I was saddened by how pathetic he started acting in the second half of the book, regarding the romance aspects. Nevertheless, I was glad that for once, when a man said, "Don't fall in love with me", the woman stood up for herself and asked him not to tell her how she should feel. I was especially pleased that after that she could still be brave and confess her feelings, regardless of what the other person might say. Despite how cheesy she was the majority of the time, this restored my faith in the character.

Love interest: 

4/5

Xaden was also very sympathetic at first, as he was known as a cold-headed leader. But apart from his usual cold personality, he was no stranger to caring for Violet. I particularly enjoyed the fact that he let the female protagonist assert herself, fight, decide, and did not want to patronize her - and for this reason he was repeatedly compared to Dain (which contrast I enjoyed seeing), who did the opposite. However, at one point in the book he started acting like a hound dog. In addition, as the story progressed towards the end, the character became less and less self-identical to me, saying more and more cheesy things and becoming more and more influenced in his decisions by his feelings about Violet. This would have been fine if it hadn't been voiced all the time, that he could shut these feelings out when necessary. The chapter written from his perspective was just plain stupid, not at all how I imagined his personality and thought processes. That being said, his character was fine for most of the book and I enjoyed seeing him as the wingleader.

Chemistry: 

3/5

This is where the book went a bit off the rails for me. Individually, I really liked the characters, and as long as they weren't so deep in love, I liked their conversations and care for each other. However, from a completely random point in the book they start to act deathly in love with each other. In fact, what I really liked at first is that Xaden doesn't directly interfere in Violet's affairs, he just helps her grow - it's almost as if he's completely changed by later. Xaden's betrayal was also pretty easily forgotten, even though Violet struggled to trust Xaden until three quarters of the book. Towards the end of the book, their scenes were nauseatingly cheesy, and I would have liked their love to have unfolded more slowly/processively. Otherwise, their relationship didn't feel pointless or toxic, so I'm happy to read about them in future because of that.

Side characters: 

5/5

I thought the supporting characters were quite well developed, I read as much about them as I would have liked. I'd like to point out that I managed to pick a favourite, cheers Liam, I was sorry you had to die at the end of the book. I liked Violet's best friend character, Rhiannon, because she was cool and outspoken. I was ok with the other cadets, I also liked the comedic relief, Ridoc's character, he managed to make me laugh once or twice. The personalities of the dragons also came through completely and I felt the genuine connection between the characters. I think one of the strengths of the book is that it has a lot of characters, but the author was able to pull them off. 

Character development: 

4/5

I don't think the story is focused on character development, so my score here is not that harsh because of that. Violet was already a strong and determined female character from the beginning, but by the end I felt she was especially built, strong and persistent. Unfortunately, I have to mention here the character of Dain, who - although I liked him until the last moment because he gave a good contrast to Xaden, and I generally prefer soft male characters-, I was saddened by how one-dimensional became by the end, who only cares about the rules - even after that he found out that even Amber (the other rule freak) was able to break them. It wasn’t the strongest part of the book, but I don’t think it was a problem at all. 

Spicy scenes: 

4/5

This is the place where I have to admit that I read some scenes in english and hungarian as well, and OH BOY, how awkward the hungarian one was! So I’m not considering them in this review. I really loved reading the first kiss between Violet and Xaden, it was unexpected, heated and well-written (and it became one of my favorite scenes). The sex scenes were on point for me, I liked their banter and how they ruined everything around them, it was a nice touch. But I really snorted when Xaden said to her that she shouldn't fall in love with him, stayed overnight, and then he picked violets for her before the leadership meeting. I felt that they deeply care for each other. And also, I really liked that they were 20+, and that they mentioned contraceptives. 

Writing style / translation: 

3/5

Since I read the book in english and hungarian as well, I can say that unfortunately, the translation could not convey the writer's style, which is a simple, articulate and easy-to-read style. The Hungarian translation is sadly too polite and has much less swearing, which made the characters more mature and honest for me. Also, I almost deducted a star just only for translating Violence for “Kicsike” (little one) in the hungarian version. It sent chills down my spine, in the worst way possible. 

Ending: 

3/5

The climax of the battle was a bit confusing to read, but it was well orchestrated. I really-really hoped that Liam would survive, but he (of course) did not, and left an emptiness after him. It made me furious that Violet just kept exceeding her limit without consequences, even though they were always talking about burning out. I did not really care about the village being built up again, the last chapter from Xaden’s perspective should have been the first chapter of Iron flame. Brennan living, as I mentioned before, was a pleasant surprise, but that was the only good thing that I could highlight. 

Enjoyment: 

3/5

To be honest, the book did not hook me from beginning to end, but it managed to keep me interested at least until I wanted to read the last 100 pages. I really enjoyed reading the first half of the book, and after the main characters became lovebirds, it was harder from page to page. I was waiting for a big climax or change in their relationship (maybe the midnight raid was supposed to be that, I’m not sure), but it didn’t come for me. 

Overall:

37/50

I’m not particularly a fan of war or military themed books, but this one genuinely blew my mind. I was fond of the world building, the fierce female lead and the cool side characters, especially the dragons. I really enjoyed reading the story of a fragile but strong-willed Violet’s journey through the ups and downs of being a cadet at Basgiath. To be honest, the book did not hook me from beginning to end, but it managed to keep me interested at least until I wanted to read the last 100 pages. It really had great elements to the story, and I’m happy that I decided to read it. But please do yourself a favor, and read it in its original language. 

[evelegal]

How to Hire Law Firms with Ease

Legal matters are something that strike the fear of God in most people's hearts, because of the complications involved, not to mention the astronomical legal fees one can incur. Legal matters, however, can happen anytime, anywhere and while people know that they must be prepared for anything, it doesn't erase the fact that it can be quite a daunting prospect and as such, something to be avoided as much as possible.

However, fears of anything new and unfamiliar can be conquered with a proper understanding and learning of the matter. Once you understand the ins and outs of hiring law firms you'll find that there was actually nothing to be apprehensive about. You need to hire lawyers who are well-versed in the language of litigation. lawyer melbourne

First of all, determine all the possible reasons why you need to hire a law firm. Of course in addition to wanting your tough legal problem solved, you may also want to hire a law firm because you want to augment the legal team you already have in place to increase your chances of winning your case and at the same time let your adversary know that you are determined to win it. Hiring the best law firm also increases your confidence about winning the case because you have a lot of legal experts behind you. And more importantly, you want to be able to win your case without causing too much of a dent in your bank account.

A law firm's expertise is based mostly on the fact that they hire the best graduates from top law schools. Since a lawyer's core worth is based on his intelligence, knowledge and experience, you will increase your chances of winning your case since they will be updated on all the latest nuances of the law and be able to keep up their end of the defense with facts and figures relevant to your case. litigation lawyer melbourne

While price is a major consideration, remember that the costs you incur will depend on the size of the law firm you need and want to hire. Solo practitioners usually entail lower costs and fees, small firms usually entail lower costs and more personal interaction, mid-size firms usually have more legal resources and therefore the ability to address your legal issues more effectively and large firms are what you need for larger and more complex legal concerns. When you go online, the best legal websites will have all the necessary information posted.

You will also need to check if the websites have posted their accreditation and certification and have very thorough information about their lawyers' specialties. There are law firms that allow you to download reports and white papers on very popular legal topics, ones that their previous clients have been through so you can get more insights on your particular case and how it could turn out. The more information you have, the more empowered you feel so go for sites that also offer tips and advice on going through difficult legal matters and how to deal after the smoke clears. probate lawyer melbourne

And lastly, go for law firms that are able to explain things in a language you'll understand. Forget about law firms that go technical, it is important to find one that provides personalized service and are very responsive - one who will actually return your calls because they understand time constraints and value your time as much as they value theirs. While most law firms put on an impersonal façade that they mistake as professionalism, a true indication of a competent and able law firm is one that shows the human side of the legal profession. Clear cut and straightforward about the law but at the same time, showing a sympathetic side.

[dogan-law-firm]

How to Hire Law Firms With Ease

Legal matters are something that strikes the fear of God in most people's hearts, because of the complications involved, not to mention the astronomical legal fees one can incur. Legal matters, however, can happen anytime, anywhere and while people know that they must be prepared for anything, it doesn't erase the fact that it can be quite a daunting prospect and as such, something to be avoided as much as possible.

However, fears of anything new and unfamiliar can be conquered with a proper understanding and learning of the matter. Once you understand the ins and outs of hiring law firms you'll find that there was nothing to be apprehensive about. You need to hire lawyers who are well-versed in the language of litigation.

First of all, determine all the possible reasons why you need to hire a law firm. Of course, in addition to wanting your tough legal problem solved, you may also want to hire a law firm because you want to augment the legal team you already have in place to increase your chances of winning your case and at the same time let your adversary know that you are determined to win it. Hiring the best Dogan Law Firm also increases your confidence about winning the case because you have a lot of legal experts behind you. And more importantly, you want to be able to win your case without causing too much of a dent in your bank account.

The next thing you need to do is research. Start with legal directories that will help you shortlist the best lawyers within your area complete with phone numbers and background information. You can also try researching online for law firm rankings, that rank the best law firms according to practice, diversity, and region. Of course, this will all depend on what type of case you have and the details involved.

A law firm's expertise is based mostly on the fact that they hire the best graduates from top law schools. Since a lawyer's core worth is based on his intelligence, knowledge, and experience, you will increase your chances of winning your case since they will be updated on all the latest nuances of the law and be able to keep up their end of the defense with facts and figures relevant to your case.

While price is a major consideration, remember that the costs you incur will depend on the size of the law firm you need and want to hire. Solo practitioners usually entail lower costs and fees, small firms usually entail lower costs and more personal interaction, mid-size firms usually have more legal resources and therefore the ability to address your legal issues more effectively and large firms are what you need for larger and more complex legal concerns. When you go online, the best legal websites will have all the necessary information posted.

You will also need to check if the websites have posted their accreditation and certification and have very thorough information about their lawyers' specialties. There are law firms that allow you to download reports and white papers on very popular legal topics, ones that their previous clients have been through so you can get more insights on your particular case and how it could turn out. The more information you have, the more empowered you feel so go for sites that also offer tips and advice on going through difficult legal matters and how to deal after the smoke clears.

And lastly, go for law firms that can explain things in a language you'll understand. Forget about law firms that go technical, it is important to find one that provides personalized service and is very responsive - one who will return your calls because they understand time constraints and value your time as much as they value theirs. While most law firms put on an impersonal façade that they mistake as professionalism, a true indication of a competent and able law firm is one that shows the human side of the legal profession. Clear cut and straightforward about the law but at the same time, showing a sympathetic side.

It is easy to feel daunted or intimidated when you enter a legal situation where you need to hire law firms to get you out of it. As long as you know what you need and want and what to expect, hiring lawyers to champion your cause won't feel so challenging.

[loptrcoptr]

Ah as callous as it sounds… sometimes a not so perfect vetting can be used to negotiate the price of the horse down— every situation is different obviously. In experience with horses that aren’t show animals it’s not about going all out on the vetting (full X-rays for example… usually ridiculous school animals.. also honestly I never understood buyers who don’t pull the plug on the exam/purchase as soon as the first issue is found…) but making sure ur not walking face first into an existing (and maybe unknown or not disclosed) problem that may become very expensive very quickly. Know this woman who bought a horse w crazy feet issues bc she was like “I can fix it- it just needs a better diet farrier blah blah blah” it’s been 8 months of struggle and vet and full board and training etc and finally she came to our barn n we r like you literally can’t fix this this horse needs to be put to pasture

See, that’s the damn struggle. All I want is a really cursory check, movement, flexion tests, maybe some blood drawn, blah blah. The basics. But no one will come out there to do it, and the horse is not priced high enough to warrant being trailered out for a ppe somewhere else and a two week trial, which would be great. The owners are already a little iffy on the fact that I even wanted a ppe (the exact reaction was “why? What good would that do?” it’s pretty freaking country out there) I tried to get the mobile vet to agree to just some basic I’ll-trot-her-out-while-he-watches-her shit and he just said no way, gotta drive to his office two hours away and get X-rays and scopes, and there is no way that a 2500 dollar horse merits 1000 of formal office ppe. I love the nature in this state and the fact it can be so rural, it’s beautiful out here, but it is a major pain in the ass when it comes to shit like basic veterinary care. Hell, there is no emergency vet for small animals in my city, I have to drive 45 minutes away to the next one whenever my cat has a problem. And my city is the goddamn state capital. This… it’s a really weird state.

Your example is the only thing that really is on my radar, tbh. She’s in good shape (if a little wide, they are only feeding her alfalfa), back is not sore, she bends well, clear eyes, nice gaits (when she picks them up, she’s still learning). My main concern is her feet, she gets sensitive on gravel. she hit a rock when the owner was lunging her and it put her off in the front for a few minutes. Once the owner got on three minutes later she was sound again, and pretty seriously balanced considering the owner is probably close to 200 lbs and the horse is 13.2. She was sound under me too, and rode like an all terrain mule when I had her just out on rough ground in the trees behind her pen. No tripping, no twist in her back legs when she walks, stabs a little wife but not crow toed or camped out. Really energetic, solid little mare.

But! Obviously I’m not trying to buy a horse with lameness issues, so I’m trying to get at least one more pair of eyes to come out and look her over to confirm if I’m seeing shit correctly, because as it stands she doesn’t have underrun or contracted heels, her feet are solid and show no signs of past laminitis, I’m not getting any other obvious signs of navicular issues like tripping, choppy strides, etc. She was shod when they got her but they took the shoes off and they keep her on pretty hard ground, ride her in a slanted pen on hard/pebbly ground, keep her feet too long, etc. I see no indication that she has nothing more than basic sensitivity that would be solved by boots or shoes. It’s all just situational and I need another pair of eyes, because she stood stretched out for a minute and I was like “?? bad foot sign??” but she’s also gaited, so the stance could be natural, and she only did it once. 🤷🏻🤷🏻 I am not trying to purposefully buy a lame horse, so I’m crossing all my fingers that my trainer friend would be willing to go out there with me to check her over and take more video, especially since the weather is supposed to get worse this week, I’d like to see her when it’s cold and muddy and see if the pressure change causes joint aches, etc. also! They ride her in a Tom Thumb, so god only knows how she will behave/move if I take her home, get her feet done and leave her in a pasture for a week, and then start her going in a baucher french link or something.

[swiftwidget]

MHA Chapter 301 Analysis

“The Wrong Way to Put Out a Fire: Part 1” 

  ***SPOILERS AHEAD***

_______

Who was Rei Todoroki comparing her children to and which child did she see peeking through the door that day?

Chapter 301 is incredibly revealing and shows that a flashback based upon a single character’s point of view is not and cannot be read as the full story. 

What we knew of the Todoroki family - specifically Enji and Rei - mainly came from Shouto’s flashbacks during the Sports Festival and what we essentially overheard the family discuss when the focus is turned on them. 

However! It isn’t the full story! It can even be misleading! 

That is a mind-blowing way to write in a series like this. Just 100% good use of double-meaning and reread value. Horikoshi is honest-to-goodness impressive.

_______

Chapter 301 reveals at least the first half of the downfall of the Todoroki family structure and life. 

We have a marriage built upon an agreement. 

A man with growing power and influence marrying the daughter of an old-money family that had lost its prestige over time. Both parties understood that they had their part to give. Enji gives Rei’s family a continued connection to power, influence, and money while Rei offers her ice quirk to create the kind of child Enji Todoroki wants.

Enji as the Hero Endeavor has at this point already given up on becoming Number 1. He’s seen the gap between himself and All Might and judged that he comes up short. He simply isn’t able to bridge that gap, but he believes a child of his can - given the right quirk combination. 

Enji and Rei have their first child, Touya, and have a second, Fuyumi, to be his companion and support. 

Enji told Touya what he was going to be, built up the expectation (and pressure) that he’d teach him to be the Number 1 hero. But Touya’s body and quirk don’t match. His quirk harmed his body. At no fault of his own, Touya was judged as incapable of fulfilling Endeavor’s vision. 

All Touya wanted was his father’s attention and affection. He pushed himself to prove he still could be a great hero with his quirk, and hurt himself trying to get the attention he needed as a child. 

Enji, being an extremely well-written flawed character, wants two things: 1) to continue his vision and 2) to get his first child to stop hurting himself. So, he does what he believes would solve both problems. Continue pushing for the successful mix of quirks. His thought process likely being: If Touya could see that he couldn’t bridge the gap and wouldn’t have to, surely he’d stop. 

But to Touya, he’s being replaced. Left behind. Erased. 

Being cast aside and told to try something else only fuels his desperation to prove himself. It fuels his anger too. He continues to self-destruct. 

And he lashes out. 

Where was Rei during all of this? 

Rei, meanwhile, had been upholding her end of the marriage arrangement. Having child after child put her under more and more strain, exhausting her. Maybe she believed that Enji’s plan would get Touya to stop. Maybe she believed that they all had their part to endure to be in this family. 

Then, Touya lashed out at her and the infant Shouto with his flames. 

I think this will be continued in the next chapter, but this is what we already know:

Touya lashed out at Rei and Shouto when Enji pushed him away

Shouto lived mostly separated from his siblings for the majority of his childhood, including Touya who was still present

Enji put Rei in a mental hospital when she poured boiling water on Shouto

Touya’s “death” occurred shortly after Rei was sent to the hospital

If Touya lashed out only once, there wouldn’t be a need to separate Shouto from him for so long. It’s likely Touya lashed out more than once. As sad as it is, it is also possible that he was not put through proper therapy and instead was sedated or punished. 

If Touya wasn’t getting the help he needed and he lashed out with his fire more than once?

How do you stop your child from burning you, your other children, or himself? 

How do you put out a fire?

You pour water on it. 

You use whatever water is nearby. Over and over for as many times as he ignites himself. 

That was Rei’s job as Touya’s mother. When he was upset and burst into flames, she said it herself: “We have to cool him down!” 

So when Shouto overheard her talking to her mother in his flashback, what he understood was that he was being compared to Endeavor and his mother couldn’t stand to raise him anymore. 

But what did Rei see? Who?

She saw Touya as he was when his hair was still turning white. Her baby boy, Touya, overhearing her compare the children to him and rejecting him. Saying she shouldn’t be the one to raise Touya because she can’t help him when she can clearly see he needs help. And in that state of extreme stress, she thought Touya had come to lash out again. 

So she grabbed the water she had on hand and poured. 

_______

This chapter is incredibly revealing and just the title card itself seems to point in this direction. 

“That’s why I’m here.” Rei is stepping up again to put out a fire. This time hopefully the right way. 

Enji was a terrible father, but not just for the reasons we believed we knew. He never let go of his vision and expected Touya to give up for the same reasons he did. Endeavor pushed Shouto to succeed not only for his vision but also to save the life of Touya whose drive he couldn’t understand. He was and is an extremely flawed and desperate man. 

Rei hurt Shouto, but not because he reminded her of Endeavor. She was scrambling to put out Touya’s flames, trying to do what she could with what little support, mental stability, and options she believed she had available. Pushed to the brink, she slipped up and mistook Shouto for Touya. 

Enji and Rei are both incredibly well-written flawed parents. We’re only now seeing the fuller picture.  

_______

This is in part a continuation and expansion of this post. 

This post is based on my real-time realization discussion on the Toshinoumu discord manga chat page. If you want to read the Toshinoumu AU/ “I Am...” Series, check out our @toshinoumu blog for more information. 

_______

Additional fun/sad fact courtesy of @aoimikans​: Rei’s favorite flower is a blue lily. Lily roots and bulbs have been used for medicinal purposes. They were boiled into teas to treat stomach disorders, fevers, and assist women in labor. They have also been used topically to treat sores and burns. The essential oil is used to help treat depression. 

_______

ALSO I SEE YOU DOCTOR YOU CAN’T HIDE! 

[naomikozura]

➣The Only Exception

Porco x Fem!Reader (College Au)

genre: enemies to lovers, sfw

warnings: strong language, under and of age drinking

w.c: 8.3k

previous / next

08. The Nights

You sat in your seat with your foot bouncing up and down. Ten minutes had already passed and he still wasn’t here, a part of you happy that he wasn’t but another part annoyed that he was late to your tutoring session. When the door to the study room finally opened, a lazily-dressed Porco walked in, you looked at him with a deadpan face. 

“What?”, he asked, looking up from his phone. 

“You’re ten minutes late.”, you said as you kicked his chair from under the table, pushing it so that it hit his leg slightly. He rolled his eyes before pulling the chair back and sitting next to you. He sat his bag down and took his notebook and calculator out. “It was only five minutes, and you gave me the wrong room number sweetheart.”, he said with a smug look on his face. 

“I did not!”, you countered, but when he pulled out your messages, you checked and realized you had, in fact, given him the wrong room number. You sunk back in your seat and pouted to yourself. He chuckled a little bit before he set his calculator in the right mode and handed it to you. 

“Ready to learn some calculus?”, he asked, enjoying seeing you in pain over learning math. 

“Absolutely not. I would rather drink bleach.”, he looked at you with a concerned look on his face. “You’re so dramatic.” 

“Whatever, are you going to tutor me or keep going on about my dramatics?”, he raised his hands in defeat, leaning forward and grabbing your textbook. “What chapter is your class in right now?”

“We’re on chapter 7 and 8.”, he nodded before flipping into the workbook section and you pulled up the study guide on your laptop to work everything out on paper then transfer it to the worksheet online. He showed you step by step on how to do a problem, your hands following the order of his as he explained the steps of the problem. By the end of the first section, you had slowly started picking up on how to solve the problems. He let you do a few on your own and only missed one of the six problems you had to do.

“Why is this actually starting to make sense?”, you asked, scratching your hair with the end of the pencil in your hand. He looked up at you, a piece of his hair falling over his forehead. He brushed a hand through his hair and leaned back in the chair. 

“That’s because it’s easy.”

“No it isn’t, I studied for this for weeks and failed my first exam, but now it makes sense.”

“It’s because you’ve never been tutored by me before.”, you looked at him and your expression fell again. “I take it back”, you said, rolling your eyes. You looked at him from the corner of your eye. Porco was actually not that bad of a guy when he wasn’t being rude or talking too much. He was pretty calm and laid back. He seemed to really like math and found ways to make it easy to understand. 

After about an hour or two, you both decided to call it a day, leaning back and stretching in your chair. You could hear and feel the satisfying pops that your body was releasing. “You’re not too bad Porco. Thank you for helping me out.”

“Yeah, it’s no problem.”, he answered back. “It isn’t too bad once you actually understand how to do it.”. 

“Did the Academy have you take a lot of classes and that’s why you’re good at math?”, you asked, trying to start a conversation with him since you knew absolutely nothing about him.

“I’m a double major. Physics and Business, so the Academy had to give us prep before we applied for universities.”, he replied calmly. You looked at him with an impressed look on your face. “Wow, have you always known you wanted to go to school for physics and business?”, he looked at you before giving you a blunt ‘no’.

“I was more so forced into it. I didn’t want to come to university but it would be the only way I would continue to play soccer.”

“So, soccer is like a passion you have? It isn’t just a hobby?”, you finally found something to further the conversation with, something to learn more about him.

“I guess you could say that. Regardless, it’s the only reason I’m in university, I could give a fuck about getting a degree.”. You sat there looking at him in silence. 

“What about you? What are you here for?”

“I’m double majoring too. I have graphic design and psychology for my majors and a concentration in mass media production and publication.” You didn’t miss how he raised an eyebrow at you, confused by the long title of your degree plan. 

“Well, hopefully whatever you have planned works out for you.”

“Yeah, for you too.”, you smiled at him and he looked down at the time on his phone. “I doubt it, but thanks.”

“Why would you go into a major you didn’t want?”

“Only way to make a particular someone leave me alone.”, he said blatantly. Your heart felt a bit heavy for him, knowing that if it was his family that put that pressure on him, then of course he’d be unhappy. Most people are when their parents pick out their whole life plans for them. 

“Parents?”

“Something like that. What about yours?”

“They were a bit more lenient.”

“Yeah, it must be nice”, he said softly. 

“They aren’t all that great, they also control certain aspects of my life.”

“Hm, is that why you’re so reserved?”, he asked but not in a rude way but a curious one. 

“Kind of. They work hard to provide for my future so I figured I could at least keep my promise to them while I’m in university.”, he hummed in response, leaning forward and grabbing his things to put in his backpack. 

“Well, I should get going, I don’t want to keep you out late.”

“It isn’t that late”, you said almost too quickly. He looked at you for a moment longer. His eyes never giving away his thoughts. 

“(Y/n), it’s almost 10 pm”, he said showing you the time. 

“Yeah, I usually head home way later than this.”

“Like, alone?”, he raised his brow, confused as to why you’d walk home alone in the dark. 

“Yeah. Why?”

“You know that isn’t safe, right?”

“I can give you a ride.”, you run your hands over your hair, pulling the baby hairs down. You shook your head and held your hands up. 

“I’ll be fine, don’t get all worried over little old me.”, you grabbed your bag and headed for the door, Porco still staring at you. 

“What?”

“You’re not walking home.”

“Why does it even matter to you?”, you pressed, unsure why it bothered him so much. 

“It doesn’t necessarily, but it’s dark outside, and you’re a girl. I don’t doubt your self defense capabilities but I don’t exactly trust the guys in this town”, he mentioned as he started walking with you down the stairs. 

By the time you reached outside the library, you both had continued arguing about walking home and how he didn’t need to drive you. You huffed and began walking away, you heard Porco sigh and you could already imagine his face as you felt his eye boring into the back of your head. 

You heard footsteps behind you and you turned your head slightly to see Porco next to you. He left his car in the parking lot, probably internally regretting the decision. You crossed your arms in defeat, silence falling over the two of you. You were a bit upset that he didn’t have a slimmer of faith in you but also felt safe knowing you wouldn’t have to be clutching your pepper spray.  

After five minutes, the silence overwhelmed you, you needed to say something or you were going to go crazy. 

“So, do you like being on the team?”, you asked, picking up pace catch up walking next to Porco. He looked at you before nodding silently. 

“Yeah, it’s nice. I thought it would be hard knowing everyone but it wasn’t so bad”

“Yeah, the guys are really cool, they helped me make friends with the girls since Connie and I had a class together freshman year. I met Sasha before him but didn’t know they were dating until after.”

And so it happened. The conversation continued for another 20 minutes as you walked back to your dorm. It felt nice seeing Porco a bit relaxed, he was more controlled and didn’t seem on edge as much anymore. 

He opened the door for you to go inside and you followed. The conversation went from the team, to your friends, to your likes and dislikes, and how yellow red bulls were the superior energy drink and Porco disagreed, saying that they were just loaded on sugar. 

Once you got to your door, the conversation didn’t stop, you didn’t want it to stop. You just kept talking until someone came out of their room and told you two to be quiet. When the guy went back into his dorm, you both looked at each other and you laughed as Porco smirked at you. 

“Well, I’ll see you for our next study time. Goodnight, (Y/n)”, and with that he turned to leave. You whispered a silent ‘good night’ before turning the door to you own dorm. You kept your thoughts to yourself about the night. 

He wasn’t so bad, at least not like he was in the beginning. You pushed the door to your dorm open and quietly walked into your room. You got undressed and got in the bed, setting your alarm early for the next morning. 

“You need to focus”, you heard Porco’s voice ring out again. 

“I am focused.” you glared at him as he rolled his eyes and picked up your worksheet. “Then why are all the questions blank and you’ve just been scribbling?”

“I’m bored. I’m tired of this shit.”, you sighed and rubbed your forehead. Porco looked at your dramatic expression before pushing the textbook back over to you. You could see his eyebrow twitching and his façade starting to break. 

“You need to study. Do you really want to fail your exam? Especially before spring break?”, he mentioned. 

Him mentioning spring break just reminded you how you wouldn’t be able to catch a break from seeing his stupid face. You had to spend the week in the same Airbnb as him and his stupid, spoiled personality. He had started to grow on you but he started to make smart comments so it took you two steps back. You tried to ignore the fact that he would be there, wondering if it would be unbearable or if you wouldn’t have to talk to him at all since the entire group would be there.

“Have you started packing?”, you heard him ask, still writing in his notebook and working out a problem. “No, we still have about two weeks before the trip.”

“I see, I just know that girls take forever to plan out their outfits then pack everything at the last minute.”, he said, punching the buttons on his calculator.

“No, I think I’ll be okay. I only own like two bathing suits and just plan on wearing comfy clothes all week.”, you responded as you handed him your worksheet to double check your answers. He looked at it before erasing one number and fixed your answer. 

“You forgot to carry the 2.”, he said, handing it back. “You’re catching on pretty quick, (L/n).”

“Well, I do have a good tutor, so I guess that helps.”, you said, smiling over at him. His eyes met yours and he smiled back at you. Wait. Did Porco really just smile back at you? Like a real smile? You mentally give yourself a high five at his slow comfortability towards you. 

“So, how do your parents feel about you going on spring break with a bunch of guys?”, he asked out of nowhere. You raised an eyebrow at him, he looked up at you before leaning back in his chair.

“What? Aren’t most girls’ parents super strict about that stuff?”

“I mean, I guess. They don’t exactly know that I’m going…”, you mentioned as your voice trailed off, especially at the thought of you lying to your parents about your plans over the week long break from school. You had told them you would be working with Mrs. Reiss. 

“So, you lied to them?”, he smirked at the thought of you having the guts to lie to your parents.

“No! I just.. I, um”

“You just what?”, he kept staring at you, leaning forward to look at your flustered face at being caught lying. “I just didn’t tell them what I was doing.”

“So, you lied?”, you put your hand up to push him away from you and he grabbed your wrist softly, his eyes still looking at you with curious taunting.

“I did not lie. I just didn’t let them know my plans. It isn’t lying if I never told them.”, you tried hard to defend yourself, especially since you knew everyone knew you as the one who could never lie to her parents about anything, no matter what. 

“It’s okay, we all do it from time to time, (Y/n).”

“I did not lie!”, you pushed your other hand towards him and he caught that one in his hands too, your eyes meeting each other closely. Your heart was beating at the position you were in. His hands on your wrists and your knee up to your chest, his body not too far from your own. 

Your eyes flickered down to Porco’s lips, unsure why you just had the sudden urge to look at them. You noticed his eyes stuck on you before you saw the emotion behind them change slightly. It was almost impossible to see if you hadn’t been paying attention. 

“Um.. Porco?”, you said and you felt him back off. 

“Just focus on your work so you can pass this exam.”, he said softly, letting go of your hands and going back to his work like nothing had happened. You looked at him with concerned eyes, not understanding his sudden mood change, but went back to your work anyway. 

You both stayed for another hour or so and finished your work. Missing only 8 questions on the homework instead of 12 like the last time. Porco could see you were improving. You packed your things and so did he, the two of you leaving campus and walking out of the library.

“Well, thanks for tonight. I’ll see you next time.”, you said as you started walking off. You had only walked a few feet before you felt Porco beside you again. “What are you doing?”, you asked.

“You think you’re going to walk home alone again? You really have a death wish or something don’t you?”, he retorted, looking down at his phone and texting someone. A part of you became overly curious as to who it was but knew it wasn’t any of your business. “No, I’m just used to walking home at night.”, he scoffed with a small laugh following afterwards. “You know, you can ask for rides right?”

“Pfft, from you? No, thanks. I don’t want to be in debt to you for life.”, you said mockingly.

Porco rolled his eyes as the both of you continued walking in silence. You were fine, but the silence seemed to overwhelm you again. You started humming, and Porco shot you a stare giving you the notion to stop, but you didn’t.

“(L/n)”

“Mhmm?”,

“Stop your annoying ass humming.”

You looked at him, his eye was twitching and you had to cover up a laugh to keep him from glaring at you. You decided to click your tongue instead, watching his face for any small muscle spasms indicating his annoyance. His eyes twitched again. Success. 

“Sooo, why Paradis?”, you asked him, trying to change the subject so he could regain his cool.

“What do you mean?” “I mean, weren’t you going to Wall Rose U at first? Why Paradis?”, you were being nosey, yes. But how else were you going to get on good terms with the one person who had been nothing but rude to you since you met. 

“Who told you I was at Wall Rose U first?”

“Reiner did.”, you saw him mumble something under his breath before he continued.

“Just didn’t feel like going anymore. I figured I could go here, they have a better soccer team and all of my old classmates are coming here, so why not?”, he answered, but you could tell there was something else behind his reasoning, but you didn’t press.

“What about you?”, he asked back, his eyes focused on the pavement ahead of him.

“I’ve always wanted to come here. They have an amazing graphic design program and my parents used to bring me here when my cousin went here, so I fell in love with the campus.”, you mentioned quickly, hoping he would leave it at that. 

“What do your parents do?”, he asked secondly. Fuck. 

“My mom’s a teacher, my dad works in real estate.”, you lied. You hated lying to him, especially since you were trying to be his friend, but this was how it went with all your friends. No one could know, and no one would. 

There were no more words exchanged after that. You walked the last five minutes in silence. Once you reached the dorms, you went your separate ways, giving each other a simple ‘goodnight’ and leaving it at that. 

The next time you and Porco got together to study, it was at his dorm. He said he didn’t feel like going to the library because it was raining that day so you agreed to meet him at his place. 

You knocked on his door, waiting for him to answer. You double checked your messages to make sure you had the right dorm number. 34C. You put that number to memory. A few minutes passed, and Porco had still not opened the door. You knocked again, a bit louder this time. You heard something fall inside, making a noise loud enough for you to hear from outside. The lock on the door unlocked and you saw a disheveled Porco, hair wet and messy, sweats and sweater put on quickly, the collar of his sweater not buttoned completely so you could see his collarbones and part of his chest. 

“Um.. I can come back later?”, you shifted uncomfortably, trying not to look at Porco’s current state. He looked at you, taking a moment to process your words. The silence flooded a second too long. “No, no. Just.. come in.”, he said, inviting you inside his dorm. It was cleaner than you expected. No dishes in the sink, the counters clean, the sofa had a folded blanket on it and the tv stand had organized movies and books. You wondered if his bedroom was the same or if it was horrible.

“Let me go fix my hair. You can just sit on the couch.”, and he disappeared, his room door clicking shut. A few seconds passed, maybe a minute, and he was back. His hair brushed back like he always had it, and his sweater and sweats were fixed, though he left the buttons undone. You had to avert your eyes once again. 

“Sorry, I thought I had more time to get cleaned up after practice.”, he said quickly. “Do you want anything to drink?”, he asked as he walked over to his little kitchen area, which was just a small stove and a microwave and fridge along one wall. “Um, do you have coffee and creamer?”, you asked and he nodded before pulling out the creamer and putting a pot to brew. 

“So, did you want to go over the next chapter in the book or?”, you started but stopped when you looked up to see him stretching, his abs showing slightly from underneath his sweater. Your cheeks got painted a slight pink color, you turned away again. 

“Yeah, we can. I was thinking we can probably just do about half of it and focus on the rest next time.”, he said, while grabbing two mugs from the cupboard. He pulled the coffee out of the machine and poured yours into a mug then poured his as well. You looked at him and he slightly scooted the mug forward, signaling you to come up and add your sugar and creamer. 

“I didn’t think you liked coffee.”, you said softly, trying to start a conversation with him. “Yeah, I do, I just don’t add as much sugar like I used to. Coach doesn’t really let us.”, he mentioned, stirring his mug with the small amount of creamer he had added to his mug. 

“That sucks, I don’t know what I would do without caffeine, I need it to function at this point honestly.”, you joked, earning a small smirk from Porco. “Yeah, it does kind of suck.”

The two of you made your way over to the couch, both facing towards each other, but on opposite ends of the couch. You had taken off your shoes when you came inside, so you only had socks on and your olive green sweater and gray sweats. The two of you got comfortable and Porco was the one who started talking this time.

“Have you ever been to the MoMA in Sina?”, he asked while drinking from his mug. You looked at him, a bit shocked by his question. 

“Um, no. I haven’t. I’ve always wanted to go though. I hear they have amazing exhibits every month or so.”, Why would he bring up the museum so randomly?

“It’s nice. I went there one time with my family, and I remembered you saying that you were into graphic design and I figured you’d like it.”, he answered honestly while looking over at you. You had to snap out of your trance so that you didn’t look dumb while looking at him. You shut your mouth and fixed your posture. “Oh, well, I’ll have to check it out some time then.”

The night continued just like that, no actual work getting done, it was just talking. It wasn’t forced or awkward. It felt natural. Who knew Porco could be so good at holding a conversation? You wondered if he had always been this way, if he actually had a bad personality or if he was easily annoyed.

“You know, you’re actually not too bad.”, you said looking down at your mug, stirring the coffee in your hand. Porco looked at you, one arm on the head of the couch and his other hand resting on the knee that was propped up. 

“Are you trying to say that you think I was an ass?”, he said, raising an eyebrow at you. You stifled a small laugh before you set the mug down on the small coffee table and leaned forward, your knees touching. “Well, you weren’t exactly nice the first time we met.”, you mentioned, wondering if he even remembered the first time you had met. 

“Are you talking about the kickback or the party?”, he asked, surprising you that he also remembered the kickback at all. “I guess both?”

Porco brushed a hand through his styled hair, pushing it back and setting his own mug down on the table. He leaned back on his elbows on the armrest behind him. “I had a lot going on, especially with z…some family issues.”, he mentioned. 

“Is everything okay now?”

“It’s somewhat better. It’s been a lot to deal with.”

“Why don’t you talk to Marcel or Colt about it?”, you figured since he had his friends from the academy and his brother, he would have some sort of support system. A small part of you feeling upset for him. He shifted in his seat before leaning his head on the head of the couch. 

“Do you tell your friends everything that you have going on?”, he asked, his eyes clear as day as he stared at you. Your heart skipped a beat in your chest, you would be lying if you said ‘yes’ because you knew you had a secret no one could know. You slightly shook your head, resting your head on the head of the couch like him. The comfortability turned into a vulnerable atmosphere. 

“It’s hard keeping everything to yourself, you need to have someone you can really trust in, you know?”, you suggested, knowing that the only person you had close to you was Historia. She was the only one who really knew every part of your life, and vice versa. You wondered if Porco could find someone like that too.

“Do you have someone you really trust?” “Yeah”, you whisper. “Historia helps me a lot. She’s been there for me since I can remember.”

Porco’s eyes flickered as he looked at you, his knee touching yours entirely. The warmth was subtle but it felt nice. Being around Porco felt nice, your perception of him being proven entirely wrong. 

“The night of the party. The way I talked to you.”

“Porco, you already apologized for that.”, you reminded him, remembering the night he gave you back your phone.  He lifted his hand a little bit, not in a rude way, but to let you know that he wanted to tell you his peace. 

“It wasn’t fair. You were worried about Braun. It was wrong of me to invalidate your feelings that way and make you feel at fault. I’m sorry, (Y/n).”, the words sounded so foreign leaving his lips but sounded pleasing to hear. You realized that Porco was able to recognize his wrongs, his apologies meaning so much more since he didn’t give those apologies often. At least, from what Pieck has told you in the past. 

“I appreciate the apology, Porco.”, you accepted his words, knowing he meant every word. You looked at him with soft eyes, not breaking eye contact until the both of you heard a phone ring on the counter. The two of you stood at the same time, softly bumping into each other. You looked up at him, your bodies close to one another. You were stuck in his gaze that you hadn’t noticed that he had put a hand on your waist to keep you from falling when you bumped into him.

“Um.. the phone, Porco.”, you broke the tension, his eyes stuck on yours for a split second longer, his lips parted slightly. He let out a small breath before pulling away and walking towards the counter. He lifted your phone to signal it was yours going off. 

You walked over, grabbing it from him and realized that Reiner had texted you. You quickly texted him back and you felt the energy in the room suddenly shift. Porco had walked back to the couch and sat down while you stood by the counter. 

“So, are you and Marcel close?”, you turned to him and he leaned his head back, upside looking at you. “Somewhat close, I guess.”, he spoke out, you laughed at how his hair fell backwards. 

“Why are you laughing?”, he questioned, his hair still hanging down since he was leaning back. You walked towards him, putting your hands on your knees, bending down and meeting his eyes. “You look funny.”, you repeated, stifling yet another laugh. Your eyes were meeting him and he gave you a small wink. Your heart quite literally stopped in your chest. You really felt like you needed to go to the hospital and get your pulse checked. 

“You look funny too.”, he smirked back, and you gave him a soft smile. You noticed Porco’s eyes flickering to your lips. You broke eye contact and stood up, making your way over to the other side of the couch. The silence filled the room and you grabbed your mug off the table to take another sip of your coffee. 

“So, you and Braun?”, you looked at him, wondering where the sudden interest came from. “What about Reiner?”, you questioned.

“You’re close.”

“Yeah, we’re good friends. He’s nice.”, Why was this coming up?

He grunted as his response and you stared at him unknowing at what he was insinuating. “Why?”

“Nothing. Just, it’s Reiner.” 

“Is that a bad thing?”, you stared at him, his eyes suddenly gaining interest at the wall, uninterested. 

“No, it’s nothing.”, he said, “At least someone is calming that braindead lump down.”, he said under his breath. You rolled your eyes as Marcel’s words rang through your head. They were not friends, you figured it was normal for the two of them to bump heads. 

“Did the two of you not get along back at the academy?”, you raised your legs onto the couch, throwing them over his legs. You figured he'd either do one of two things. Throw them off or leave them be. He looked at you, then fixed himself on the couch, your legs shifting in his lap, giving you the answer of him leaving them as is.

“We did. He’s just annoying.”, he mumbled. Of course he would think that. Reiner had a different personality than he did. Reiner talked more, was more outgoing and extroverted. Porco was more quiet, reserved and didn’t seem like the type to be out and about all the time. Maybe they were friends, but just polar opposites. 

“I just wouldn’t necessarily call him a friend. We were never close nor hung out in that way. Only reason we got in the same group was because of Bertholdt and Marcel.”, you sat quietly and listened to him. You wanted to get to know him more and listening to any type of detail he had to give 

“Marcel had both of them in classes with him, and he introduced them to Colt, Pieck and me. The group kind of just started on its own that way.” 

“You don’t make friends easily do you?”, the words left your mouth before you could stop them, only then realizing how rude the remark sounded. Porco’s expression changed from relaxed to straight-faced. He sighed before brushing his hair back before responding. 

“I mean, I made friends with you and your group, didn’t I?”, he remarked. You looked at him a bit dumbfounded. Did he just call you his friend?

“I suppose you did.”, you smiled at him before checking your phone, the time already reading past 9. “I should get going. It’s getting late.”, you said as you leaned forward. Porco watched your movements, not taking his eyes off of you. You went to move your legs, but hadn’t noticed Porco’s hand resting on them. When did he put his hand there?

He didn’t move his hand until a moment later, letting you stand up and grab your bag. He got up and walked over to the door with you. You slid on your shoes and fixed your sweater before turning to look at Porco. Your back was facing the door that led back to the hallway. With Porco standing over you, you backed up towards the door, your breath steady. He looked at you, his stance confident but relaxed. You hadn’t felt the door touching your back until Porco raised a hand and placed it next to your head on the door. Your eyes met and never moved away from his golden ones. 

How did you and him get to this point? You hadn’t known him for more than a few weeks, he just started to consider you his friend. His head leaned down to yours, close enough to feel his breath on your cheek. You noticed his eyes flicker to your lips then back up. The sudden urge to kiss him flooded your body, your cheeks flushing pink, your heart beating quickly. 

“Um, Porco?”, you spoke, your voice shaky. His eyes met yours and you gave him a look of confusion, hoping it would cover your look of want. You felt his hand lift to your face, pinching something on your cheek.

“You had an eyelash.”, he said, showing it to you on his finger before backing away and grabbing the door handle, turning it and opening it for you. You thanked him and stepped to the side to leave. 

“Thanks Porco. I had a good time tonight.”, you smiled at him, and he smirked at you. “Yeah, me too.”, and with that you left, the door closing softly behind you. You stood in the hallway for a minute, trying to gather your thoughts. Your heart beating in your chest, recollecting your thoughts, recollecting your emotions. You took a deep breath before walking away. 

Porco was just a friend. He’s just your friend. 

Nothing more.

“Hey, do you mind giving me a ride to work again? It’s going to be raining tonight and I can’t see very well at night. I can have Connie pick me up after shift.”, you looked up at Sasha from your phone, turning to see her getting ready for her night shift at the bar she worked at. The weekends were always the best times for the bars off campus. Sasha always managed to make a lot of money and she only had to work two or three nights a week. 

“Yeah, what time do you have to be there?”, you asked her while you washed the dishes. “At 9pm, we still have an hour left so whenever you’re ready.”, she said as she went back to her room to finish doing her hair. You hummed in response and put the dishes away, you wondered if you should go in for a while and get a drink or two. Usually there would be some people you knew from class or friends you’ve made throughout the school year, but you figured that a night in wouldn’t be too bad. 

You finished the dishes and decided to change into a crop top and shorts, going for something more comfortable for the night. You called out to Sasha who confirmed she was ready, and you grabbed your bag and your keys before heading out. You climbed into your car, turning it on, the engine clicking before actually turning on. You realized the ‘check engine’ light was on. You ignored it and started driving out towards Sina. The part of Sina that Sasha worked at was closer to campus than where you worked, it was harder to drive to your work than it was for Sasha, which is why you opted for the bus to avoid the drives and traffic. 

“Do you want to go in for a drink?”, Sasha asked once you pulled up to the Garrison. You parked the car at the front, contemplating in your head before turning it off and going inside with her. “I’ll come in to say hi, but I have some more work I need to do before Monday.”, you answered as she pushed the door open. You were greeted by the bouncer, Nicolo, who you had known for a while since you had classes together freshman year and who secretly had a crush on Sasha for almost a year. Unfortunately for him, Connie and Sasha had been something he found out about the hard way. 

“Hey, (Y/n), welcome in, what can I get for you?”, one of the bartenders asked you. They all knew who you were since the majority of the staff went to either Wall Rose U or Paradis. Some of them are friends from your freshman year classes, others you’ve met at parties. 

“Nothing for me, I won’t be drinking tonight.”, you answered, leaning on the bar top and continuing the conversation. The bar was pretty full, average for a Friday night. You were sure more people would show up by 10 or 11. You leaned over the bar, talking to Sasha and her coworker as they worked, you noticed that a group of guys were staring at you. One of them was tall, had a dark brown undercut, he was kind of attractive to be honest. You noticed that he had made eye-contact with you and handed his drink to one of his friends. 

He walked over to you and leaned over the counter with you. “Hey, do you mind if I can buy you a drink?”, he asked, his smile soft as he looked at you. You smiled at him, before opening your mouth to speak. “Hi, um, I’m okay. I’m not drinking tonight.”

“Oh, that’s fine. Thought I would ask.”

“Well, thank you for the offer…”

“Samuel. My name’s Samuel.”, he said and smiled at you as he straightened himself up to shake your hand. You smiled at him and laughed a little. “Well, thank you Samuel. I’m (Y/n).”

The two of you talked for a little while, even found out that he attended Wall Rose. You liked that he was nice, reserved and really laid back. It was different from what you were used to coming from Wall Rose. You checked the time and noticed it was almost 11:30. You had been here longer than you expected, longer than you wanted to be. You needed to leave, so you tried to find a way to excuse yourself and Samuel gave you a goodbye. He calmly asked if you could exchange numbers, and you nodded. You gave him your phone as he typed in his name and number. 

You turned around, noticing someone behind you. You recognized a set of dirty blonde hair, it looked like a girl you saw at the party that the Wall Rose U guys crashed. You wondered if she was friends with them. You heard Samuel call your name, handing your phone back and giving you a small goodbye. You smiled at him and walked to the other side of the bar to give Sasha a notice, letting her know you were heading out and to let Connie know to pick her up. She nodded and gave you a goodbye hug over the counter. You started to head out towards the exit, having to be pushed by some people to get by. 

“Come on, this is the third time you’ve ditched me.”, you turned to see the same girl from a few seconds ago, unsure who she was talking to since there were people around her. You pushed by the people in front of her. 

“I’m just not in the mood, Hitch.”, you stopped in your tracks. Your heart thumping at the familiar voice ringing out from the crowd, surprised you recognized it because of the music. “C’mon, let loose, it’s an off week.”, you turned around to look at who she was talking to only to be met with another pair of eyes looking at you. It was Floch. Your heart quite literally stopped this time. You pushed your way out of the crowd and moved away from where you were, hoping you would be able to hide in the crowd. 

You saw the exit sign and moved towards it, excusing yourself even though you knew they wouldn’t be able to hear you. “(Y/n)?”, your stopped. Great, Floch managed to catch up to you. You turned around only to be met with golden eyes.

“Porco?”

You looked behind him, seeing Floch looking around. Your heart was racing, the absolute last person you wanted to see was the guy who harassed you at Connie’s party. Porco’s lips kept moving, the words not reaching your ears, your eyes still looking over his shoulder at Floch closing in on you, his eyes aimed in your direction. You grabbed Porco, your arms going over his neck and pressing your lips on his. You felt Porco’s body tense, his breath uneven, before he relaxed and placed his hands on your hips and brought you closer to him. His lips moved against yours slightly, you moved your lips against his, the softness of them lighting a fire inside of you. You opened your eyes slightly, noticing that Floch had started walking in the opposite direction. Your eyes looked back at Porco, whose own eyes remained closed.

You pulled away, his hands not leaving your body but his eyes opened, looking at you with subtle shock and his lips swollen. “Sorry, I didn’t.. I, um..”, you couldn’t find the words to say, still phased by your sudden actions. “What was that about?”, he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Um..Just someone I didn’t want to see.”, you answered truthfully, the awkwardness settling between the two of you. You looked up at him and you noticed how close your bodies still were, but neither of you moved from your spots. “Why are you here?”, Porco broke the silence, you looked up at him before telling him about dropping off Sasha and getting caught up talking to some friends. You didn’t tell him about Samuel for some reason, but figured it would be better that way. 

“What about you?”, you asked back. He looked over his shoulder, then back at you before grabbing your hand, dragging you towards the exit and away from the loud music and condensed bodies inside the bar. “Some people I know dragged me out. I’ve been trying to leave for almost an hour.”

“Did you drive here?”, you questioned, and he shook his head. You looked over at your car, and fished the keys out of your purse. “I drove here, I don’t mind giving you a ride home.”, you offered, a part of you hoping he would accept your offer. He looked at you, questioning whether he should say yes or not. Suddenly, you felt a bit of water falling on your forehead. You looked up and noticed it was about to start raining. 

“Offer is limited time, Pock.”, you smiled at him, and he smirked back at you. He nodded and walked behind you as you jumped in your car. You heard the same clicking noise before it turned on fully. You pulled out and started driving home, it only being about 20 minutes away. 

“You do know your check engine light is on right?’, Porco mentioned as he texted on his phone. “Yeah, I just haven’t had time to get it checked.”.

“Pull over, let me check it for you real fast.”

“You know how to check cars?”, you asked surprised. He nodded and motioned towards the small gas station off the side of the road. It was closed but you figured it was an easy spot to park and stay to wait out the rain if it got too bad. You parked and popped the hood, Porco had gotten out to check what was wrong, he was looking at something as the gears turned in his head. “Do you have tools in your trunk?”, you thought for a second then nodded, remembering that Eren had put a few things there once before in case you needed them for an emergency. 

Porco went to your trunk and grabbed a rectangular object that had two chords on it. He walked over to the hood and placed it on the battery. He powered the small machine on and then met your eyes, slapping his forehead. 

“(Y/n), when was the last time you checked your car battery?”, Porco asked you, almost as if he already knew the answer. “Um.. I don’t know… never I guess?”, you answered while rubbing the back of your neck, embarrassed.

“The charge is quite literally at zero.”, he said with a deadpan look on his face. “Go into the car and turn it on.”, you nodded and tried turning it on, hearing the battery click repeatedly. Porco went over to the driver side, reaching over you and turning the key. Your face got red at the sudden closeness of his body to yours. The clicking continued, Porco stepped out and rubbed a hand over his face. He felt the rain start to fall harder as he ran over to close the trunk , you got out and closed the hood, grabbing the battery tester and throwing it inside the trunk. Your hair and clothes got soaked and Porco grabbed your hand and pulled you into the car. He got in through the other side and slammed the door shut.

“You need to get your battery changed. How have you been driving without any charge to it?”, he asked you. You shrugged embarrassed, not wanting to mention how you had trouble turning your car on for a few weeks now, completely ignoring the light inside your car. 

“I just texted Marcel and Colt to see which one of them can come for us and hook up your car.”

“How long did they say?”, you asked quietly, the rain filling the silence in the car. “They said 30 to 45 minutes since they’re in Shiganshina.”, he said as he reclined the seat backwards and laid down. 

“Sorry about all this, I bet it would be better if you’d just stayed at the bar with your friends.”, you mentioned, leaning your head on the steering wheel. “Don’t worry, I’d rather be anywhere with you than at that bar getting pushed on by random people.”, he commented nonchalantly. Your heart skipped a beat by the mention of him wanting to spend time with you. 

“So, who was the girl at the bar?”, you playfully teased him. “You have a little girlfriend you’re keeping a secret from the guys?”, Porco moved his arm from over his eyes and glared at you. “She is not my girlfriend. She’s nothing to me.”, his tone was heavy, obviously not catching your comment as a joke, but his response didn’t sound like he was trying to convince himself at all. 

“Geez, okay, sorry. Didn’t mean to hit a nerve.”, you apologized, laying your own seat backwards. You placed your hands on your chest, noticing Porco moved his head to look out the window. “It hasn’t rained like this in a while.”, you mentioned. Porco hummed in response. 

“It’s soothing.”, the deep rumble of his voice filled the car and you looked at him, watching as he spoke and looked out the window. He turned to look at you, that silence filling the car again and the patter of the rain drowning it out. You noticed how his hair had gotten darker because of the rain, your own hair sticking to your face, still damp. You looked up at the roof, laughing before Porco sat up on his arm and cocked his eyebrow. 

“Sorry, I just think it’s funny how messy your hair looks.”, he smirked at you. “You have a thing for messy hair don’t you?”, he questioned. The smirk never leaves his lips. You turned to look at him and noticed that he had leaned closer towards you, the only thing separating the two of you was the small compartment in the middle. You looked at him, questioning his movements. He reached over and moved your hair back. “Your hair is messy too, you know,” he said in a low voice.

“Yeah.” you breathed, noticing how his eyes kept looking at you, your heart beating fast in your chest. “I know”. You’re realizing the intimate position you’re in with him, you notice his eyes flicker to your lips then up to your eyes, holding them hostage. Your pulse goes crazy, feeling his breath on your cheek, a magnetic pull bringing him closer to you. Your brain reminding you of how soft his lips were the first time. 

“Porco.”, you whispered. Your breathing was going crazy. You couldn’t handle the built up tension anymore. For the past few weeks, it had built up. It happened so quickly, but the unspoken attraction was there. For you, maybe not for him. 

You moved your weight to one arm, holding yourself, a slight move forward and his lips would be touching yours. You closed your eyes, moving forward, and you felt his lips meet yours. Right then, all the wind had been knocked out of you. Your heart beating a million beats per second, his soft yet chapped lips moving against yours, his hand reaching up to the back of your head to deepen the kiss. You hadn’t ever felt such a strong pull towards someone before, not even Reiner. Your thoughts focused on Porco, the way his hand held your head, the way he kissed you, the way he was breathing. He pulled you in closer as his lip swiped over your bottom lip, your body melting against his touch. This was different than the one at the bar, this one was deeper and it felt more intense. 

When he pulled away, you were left breathless, your eyes looking at his plump lips, his eyes looking at yours with intent. You could feel his chest beating quickly, wondering if he found excitement in the kiss you just shared. What did this mean to him? What did it mean to you?

“I..”, you were cut off by his lips meeting yours again, more emotion behind them this time. Your eyes still wide, but you closed them and kissed him back, pressing against him. Your heart definitely just exploded in your chest at his sudden moves towards you. He removed his lips from your own, placing a small kiss on your neck. “(Y/n)..”, he started before a pair of headlights lit up the inside of the car. You both pulled away, silence filling the car again. 

You jumped when you heard a tapping on your window, noticing Marcel and Colt standing outside with an umbrella. “Stay in the car.”, you heard Porco say before stepping out and helping them hook up the car, signaling you to pop the hood. The rest of the night passed in a blur. 

More words being left unspoken

A/N this is a longer chapter you guys so I hope it was worth the wait! I have been busy with school but I am officially done! So updates will be more consistent the next few weeks and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.

[veganpropaganda]

When foodies sink their teeth into a slab of cheese from one of the historic dairy farms in Point Reyes, California, their minds probably run to grass-fed cows ranging free on the lush green oceanside hills of Marin County. Over 5,000 dairy cows and beef cattle roam the Point Reyes National Seashore National Park in full view of visiting tourists. Unlike the many dairy and meat companies that slap happy animals on their labels while sourcing their product from hellish factory farms, the dairy and beef farms at Point Reyes represent an agrarian ideal of ecologically and ethically sustainable animal agriculture.

“Pasture-raised” and “extensive” or “regenerative” grazing have been watchwords in the American foodie community since at least the 2000s, when celebrated food writer Michael Pollan presented sustainable, nonindustrial practices as a way out of the ethical morass of the American food system in his award-winning bestseller The Omnivore’s Dilemma. Everyone from progressive agrarians to libertarian ranchers to multinational food companies, and even conservation NGOs such as the Audubon Society, has thrown their weight behind the idea of replacing mass-produced meat, from chickens to ungulates, with a holistically raised alternative. While some environmentalists reject beef altogether for its contribution to climate change, pollution, and deforestation, proponents of free-ranging beef have rallied under the motto, “It’s not the cow; it’s the how.” They argue that, done properly, pasture-raised cattle can replace the ecological functions of wild ruminants like elk and bison, produce food on “marginal” land that would otherwise be wasted, and eliminate beef’s carbon hoofprint (since well-grazed land can sequester atmospheric carbon dioxide). This would mean consumers could stick it to Big Ag, fight climate change, and help imperiled animals and ecosystems without actually changing their diets too much; they’d just need to eat a bit less meat and pay a bit more for the grass-fed option.

Whether these promises hold up under scrutiny is a subject of fierce debate. And in recent years, a series of lawsuits have argued the opposite thesis: that even “regenerative” cattle imperil the very ecosystems proponents claim they will “regenerate.”

This past June, the Harvard Animal Law and Policy Clinic, on behalf of the Animal Legal Defense Fund and a number of individual plaintiffs, filed suit against the Department of the Interior and the National Park Service, which manages Point Reyes National Park, alleging that cattle ranching is endangering the iconic tule elk.* It’s not the first such lawsuit that has been filed over the past decade against the NPS to stop alleged environmental damage from Point Reyes cows.

The National Park Service leases parkland to a number of “historic” cattle and dairy farms, which it has done since the park’s creation in 1962. The elk, native to the region but driven to near-extinction by hunting and human activities such as ranching, are protected by a 1976 federal conservation law and were reintroduced to the park in 1978. But to keep the elk from competing with cattle for forage and water, the NPS erected fences that confine the elk to select corners of the park with limited water and forage. This confinement has proved fatal during droughts. Drought in 2013–2014 led to 254 elk deaths. A current drought has already killed over 150 elk, a third of the once 445-strong herd that inhabits Tomales Point, all just a stone’s throw away from thriving commodity cows. Ranchers have even pushed for the right to cull elk outright to keep their populations in check, in part because they have also killed off the natural predators that would do so in a healthy ecosystem. The Harvard suit alleges that “the Tule elk are continuing to die horrific and preventable deaths” in clear violation of federal law.

Prior to the twentieth century, the tule elk were an important part of the Pacific coastal ecosystem and a major component of the diet of the Coast Miwok tribe, the native peoples who lived there. In fact, the NPS concedes that the region’s characteristic hilly grasslands were “the byproduct of burning, weeding, pruning and harvesting for at least two millennia by Coast Miwok and their antecedents.” These grasslands made a juicy target for white settlers arriving in the middle of the nineteenth century. They brought cattle with them, plundered the Coast Miwok lands, hunted large predators and elk to near-extinction, and then grazed their cattle on the hills instead. The intertwined processes of colonial and ecological displacement have continued into the twenty-first century: In 2015, the NPS balked at a proposed “Indigenous Archaeological District” that would have protected Coast Miwok heritage sites from damage from ranching. Even as it did so, it quickly approved a “Historic Dairy Ranching District,” over and against Miwok protests. Today, many Coast Miwok are opposed to the rancher-backed plan to fence and further cull the elk. “The Park Service proposal to shoot indigenous tule elk and promote ranching that harms wildlife, water and habitat is a travesty and contrary to the traditions of our ancestors,” Jason Deschler, dance captain and headman with the Coast Miwok Tribal Council of Marin, wrote this summer in a statement opposing the cull.

The cows at Point Reyes don’t just compete with the elk. They also defecate about 130 million pounds of nitrogen-rich manure a year, which leaches into the soil and streams and ponds of the area. An NPS-funded study suggested that removal of the cows would benefit numerous native species, including butterflies, seabirds, frogs, and salmon. And yet the same study recommended the expansion of ranching. As a damning investigative report into the issue in the Marin County Pacific Sun suggests, the ranchers and dairy farmers have urged pliant politicians, including Senator Dianne Feinstein, to “pressur[e] the Park Service to prioritize the preservation of private ranching profits over environmental concerns.”

Point Reyes is a microcosm of a much broader anti-wildlife bent in American ranching, regenerative and otherwise. To protect their cows from predators and disease, or simply to ensure that they have access to food and water, ranchers across the country have supported wolf hunts, vulture and wild horse culls, and the deployment of cyanide bombs. It is difficult to count the number of wild animals killed in the service of ranching interests by government bodies like the Agriculture Department’s secretive Wildlife Services, the Bureau of Land Management, and various state-level farm bureaus, but about a million animals per year is the federal government’s own estimate.

Unlike wild animals such as elk, ranched cattle are commodities in a global market. And the goals of commodity production run directly counter to those of a functional ecosystem. In the wild, ungulates like bison or elk range across vast swathes of land, serving all sorts of ecosystem functions just by living: rooting, trampling, defecating, dying and decomposing, serving as food for predators and carrion birds and insects, nourishing other animals and the soil in death as their hooves did in life. Commodity production, be it conventional or regenerative, removes animals like cows from this web of life, using fencing and predator extermination to protect grazers from harm so that they can be profitably sold. In place of that natural web, ranching also requires an economic and material infrastructure to breed, manage, slaughter, process, and transport cattle as they are transformed into beef or milked. Even with the best of ecological intentions, ranchers who want their business to survive must build and maintain that infrastructure according to commercial principles.

The capitalist assumptions pervading these enterprises are clearest when regenerative proponents promise to be able to extract food from so-called “marginal” lands. Conventionally defined, “marginal land” is land that has little current agricultural or industrial value, often because of poor soil, water resources, or climate conditions. What ranchers mean is that grazing cattle can extract value, in the form of commoditized beef, from dry, rocky, difficult to access lands. Of course, such lands are only “marginal” from an instrumental, Lockean view that all land must be worked to create value. But from a biodiversity and ecosystem health perspective, so-called marginal lands can be thriving, biodiverse habitats for myriad flora and fauna, which can be disrupted by the introduction of grazers.

Historically, even land that is home to human beings has been deemed “marginal” if its value cannot be commoditized. As historian Joshua Specht shows, ranchers have historically been the spear tip of settler colonialism in the American West. They often used the pretext of “waste” and “emptiness” to violently uproot Indigenous lifeways and ecosystems and replace them with “productive” commercial ranching. The Coast Miwok Tribal Council of Marin linked that history of dispossession to the plan to cull the elk in a letter to Secretary of the Interior Deb Haaland, describing it as “a travesty … that perpetuates a long legacy of harm inflicted on Native People by the National Park Service.”

The idea of converting “marginal” or unused land is basically a promise to produce something from nothing. All too often, that simply means that the costs are hidden. Increasingly, environmental research suggests that while introducing grazers to marginal lands can be economically generative for those who own the grazers, it is degenerative of previously existing ecosystems. A recent meta-analysis in the journal Ecology Letters, for example, found that excluding commercial agricultural grazers increases the abundance of plant and faunal biodiversity in most ecosystems. That’s because most livestock are managed at densities that dramatically exceed those of wild fauna. In fact, the Center for Biological Diversity recently won a lawsuit that will force the Forest Service and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service to protect sensitive ecosystems within New Mexico’s Gila National Forest and Arizona’s Apache-Sitgreaves National Forest from free-ranging cows.

Over the past two decades, proponents of “regenerative” grazing have increasingly justified cattle agriculture by claiming their methods reduce ruminants’ contribution to climate change: Currently, the world’s cows, by belching out methane, contribute about 6 percent percent of all greenhouse gases. (Many note that cows “only” contribute 3 percent of U.S. emissions, but this is only because of America’s massive total emissions.) Regenerative ranching proponents claim, however, that by turning over and fertilizing the soil where they graze, free-ranging ruminants create healthy soil that can act as a carbon sink.

One of the biggest drivers of this claim has been the work of the rancher Allan Savory, made famous through a viral TED talk in 2013. But Savory’s claims have little peer-reviewed support and seem to fail under scrutiny. “The Savory Method Can Not Green Deserts or Reverse Climate Change,” five researchers argued in a lengthy rebuttal published in the journal Rangelands that same year. In 2017, an exhaustive, 127-page study led by scholars at Oxford found that grass-fed livestock “does not offer a significant solution to climate change as only under very specific conditions can they help sequester carbon. This sequestering of carbon is even then small, time-limited, reversible and substantially outweighed by the greenhouse gas emissions these grazing animals generate.”

Studies suggest that while some forms of well-managed grazing can increase the health and productivity of soil, there is little proof that this has much impact on soil’s ability to capture carbon. To the extent that soil can act as a carbon sink, a widely-cited article in Frontiers in Climate argues that it can do so through practices like cover crop rotation, tillage, and novel soil amendments that don’t use animals at all. But cows or no cows, the idea that soil can act as a meaningful carbon sink at the scale at which global climate change currently operates is itself not entirely convincing. Removing soil from any agricultural use and allowing it to rewild, however, can create meaningful carbon sinks while protecting and restoring biodiversity; wild elk populations might plausibly do more to capture carbon than the most holistically raised cattle.

When it comes to cows, there is actually a sort of perverse climate and ethical math at play. Most of America’s 93 million cattle spend at least some of their life grazing on pasture, although many beef cattle are also fattened for slaughter in feedlots where they are fed soy- and grain-based meals. But since processed meal is easier to digest and beef cattle, on average, spend only a few of their 18-month lives at feedlots, only about 11 percent of their greenhouse gas emissions happen there. The remaining 89 percent happen when they digest rough forage and grasses on pasture. In other words, cows that graze throughout their lives actually potentially emit more than feedlot-finished ones.

Small numbers of grazers may be consistent with healthy ecosystems and have minimal greenhouse gas impact, but only if their populations stay within ecologically defined limits. The situation in Point Reyes, where ranchers have pushed the NPS to be able to use more land for grazing and prevent elk from competing with cows for food and water, illustrates exactly why that’s unlikely.

The problem of scale bedevils regenerative beef from every angle. Holistic grazing cannot hope to compete on price with Big Meat, which operates with high volumes and low margins: A pound of ground beef from a Marin County ranch can run well over $10, compared to $3.99 for mass-produced beef at Kroger. Regenerative ranching proponents often answer that consumers will opt to eat “less but better meat,” but it’s far from clear what’s going to drive that transition at the societal level. (Also worth noting: In the absence of a public agency that could define and regulate ecologically informed grazing practices, “better” meat is a little nebulous. The “regenerative” label has been affixed to so many different techniques that what exactly it means is often hard to pin down.)

As a result, “regenerative” beef currently represents not so much a scalable climate solution as a way for those who can afford to do so to purchase indulgences for their continued meat consumption. The owners of grass-fed beef ventures may market their premium-priced products as a way out of the hellscape of Western capitalistic agriculture. But absent much broader societal changes, regenerative agriculture’s anti-industrial rhetoric is more of a class marker than a call to revolution.

If regenerative agriculture were to challenge the mainstream food system, it would run into some hard physical limits. Converting the beef industry, at current levels of demand, entirely to a grass- and crop-forage feeding system would require increasing the total size of American beef herds by 23 million cows, or 30 percent, according to a recent article in the respected science journal Environmental Research Letters. And that increase, were it even possible, would have monumental consequences for both greenhouse gas outputs and land use. But there simply isn’t enough land in the U.S. for that many grazers. At best, beef production would have to decrease by 39 percent and potentially as much as 73 percent. Framed that way, grass-fed grazing, especially if scaled, doesn’t seem likely to regenerate many ecosystems—indeed, it would likely require deforestation, as is the case in Brazil, where the clear-cutting of the Amazon is driven both by soy plantations for feedlot and factory farm animal feed and by the need for grazing space for grass-fed cattle. And as the Environmental Research Letters article argued, even temporary overgrazing can lead to long-term and perhaps irreversible ecological degradation.

This list of mismatches between theory and empirics prompts an important question: Who does benefit from more demand for holistic-grazed beef? Ranchers and dairy farmers, of course. Regenerative ranching begins with the assumption that cattle must be commercially ranched and then backfills an ecological narrative to sustain that assumption, much as the NPS assumes there must be ranches in Point Reyes and then reshapes the park’s history and landscape to fit that need.

Actually making animal agriculture less ecologically disruptive would mean taking animals’ ecological value as a bedrock principle against and over their value as commodities. That means treating commodity production, not land, as “marginal”: Commodities could be extracted only if doing so didn’t disturb the ecological, social, and cultural value of the landscape. In other words, in most such systems, animals would more than likely play a minor support role for primarily plant agriculture. And that, in turn, would almost certainly mean far fewer grazers entering the commercial food system, and at a much higher price point. Point Reyes, for example, might feature free-ranging elk managed by an Indigenous best practice–driven conservation agency, not dairy cattle grazed by private ranches. This kind of truly eco-friendly meat production would produce even less meat than the current grab bag of practices loosely labeled “regenerative.”

As the elk of Point Reyes might attest, grass-fed beef and dairy are not ecologically benign. Nor are they a solution to climate change. Nor yet, in offering a more expensive alternative to industrial agriculture to those who can afford it, do they offer a clear path for reducing meat consumption society-wide. If anything, regenerative ranching lends itself either to niche locavore indulgence or large-scale corporate greenwashing, but it offers little promise for sustainable food system transformation.

Achieving more sustainable agriculture means we need to produce and eat less meat. To get there, we’ll need individuals to change their habits, but we’ll also need policy aimed specifically at reducing meat consumption through taxation, nudges toward animal-free diets, or, potentially, support for the proliferation of plant- or cell-based meat analogs. Ranchers tend to deny this, not because it is ecologically unfounded but because they are financially invested in ranching rather than regeneration.

*One of the authors of this piece is a fellow at the Harvard Animal Law and Policy Program. He is not and has never been personally involved in the Point Reyes lawsuit.

[erensrag]

bimbo!reader x judgmental nerd eren

eren x y/n (wc: 3173)

warnings: nswf, slut shaming, slight dubious consent

i don’t think i did this correctly….

"no please, take your time. it's not like we've been here for hours." eren's sharp voice brings you out of your thoughts.

his piercing gaze is right there to meet yours when you finally stop staring at the wall. you chew on your pencil, quickly diverting your attention to the paper in front of you. you've done your best to avoid looking at him the majority of the time you've been here.

it's not your fault you can't look into his eyes for longer than a second. he's the one who's always observing you with that cold, calculating stare. you've been on the end of judgmental looks and not so quiet whispers for years now and have learned to not let them bother you—well you thought you mastered the art of simply ignoring those kinds of people. until eren.

you didn't even know he existed until a few weeks ago. the introduction for you two consisted of a simple bumping into each other in the crowded hallways of school, it ended with him bitterly muttering something about idiot cheerleaders as he stumbled away. not even sparing you a second glance. after that, you saw him often and he made his dislike for you evidently clear.

which makes no sense. how can someone not like you?

it's usually jealous girls giving you the stink eye and making up the ridiculous rumors. they're the ones who don't want to associate themselves with you. not nerdy nobodies who can't walk without stumbling over their own two feet. no, people like him usually worship the ground you walk on. or at least drool a little.

seriously you've tried everything to get rid of that menacing stare and frigid tone he always greets you with. it's like he's immune. "jesus y/n, how dumb are you?"

and they definitely don't talk to you like that. you know you're not the brightest, which is why your teacher got this jerk of a nerd to tutor you right before exam week but is that really an excuse for him to treat you like this? biting the inside of your cheek, you nudge a corner of your sweater until your left shoulder is exposed. leaning forward and batting your eyelashes which gets no response from him other than a blank stare. "i'm not dumb. i just don't get it." you pout. "can't you just tell me the answer? we've spent like thirty minutes on this question."

"thirty minutes cause you're an idiot." he mutters more to himself.

"i'm trying my best!"

"you should've learned this months ago. you would've if you didn't spend your time skipping class to hang out with your pig muscle boyfriend."

"he's not my boyfriend..." you go back to chewing on the pencil.

"so you just make out with any guy behind the bleachers?"

"you seem to know a lot about me." you look at him again, that stupid cold stare looking back at you through those glasses.

"who doesn't. you're y/n. the whole school knows of your...activities."

"those are just rumors." some of them are. most are true. you enjoy living life to the fullest. it's not your fault the people in your school saw a confident, attractive woman and instantly decided to put less than appealing labels on her. "and besides they're none of your business."

"whatever. just solve this, this is taking longer than our usual sessions and my mom will be home soon."

you groan, looking down at the textbooks and not understanding a single word. “please just tell me the answers.” you ask one last time, desperate.

“no.”

you huff, returning your attention to the book. “you’re going to age badly with all that scowling you do. just so you know.”

“shut up.”

"eren..." you say after five minutes which causes a frustrated sigh to leave his lips. "do you have an issue with me?" it's been four sessions of the frigid tension he always puts between you two and there's a lot more to come before graduation so you just want to get whatever problems he has with you out of the way.

it takes a few seconds before he's looking up from the textbook, pushing his glasses up as he sends you probably the most intimidating glare you've seen from him. "excuse me?" the very tone of his voice has goosebumps forming on your skin but you force yourself to stand your ground. you're not going to let some loser who's probably never even kissed someone to look down on you.

"you— you just seem to—"

"i don't have an issue with you y/n." he slams the book on the table causing you to jump. "having an issue with someone like you would imply i care enough and trust me i'll never care for such a ditzy little slut who doesn't respect herself."

you've been called worse than that and usually by scorned boys you hooked up with. but they were popular gym rats, not some overconfident lanky freak. you had a snarky reply on the tip of your tongue but with the cogs in your brain suddenly malfunctioning, you could only stutter out a pathetic, "i—i'm none of those things!"

"really?" he scoffs, actually getting up and walking over and as he does you think maybe it would've been a safer option to just keep your mouth shut. "wide doe eyes without nothing behind them. check." he starts. "plump lips perfect for what you do best. check." and the asshole has the nerve to slowly swipe his fingers across your bottom lip.

you should stand up, tell him to go to hell and get out of here but you're frozen. limbs not moving an inch as he continues, "empty little head. check. skimpy outfits to attract attention. check. i mean let's face the facts.."

you never would've thought the loser that always sits in the back of the class with his nose buried deep in a book would speak like this to you. it's insulting. freaking degrading. he knows nothing about you and yet he has that expression on his face like he does. "if i'm such a ditzy little slut as you so nicely put then i'd be jumping at the chance to hook up with you but here we are." you seethe.

that seems to finally strike a nerve as he scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. you cut him off before he can defend himself.

"is that it...you're angry i haven't made a move on you because that's what sluts do isn't it? bone everything they see? is your pride wounded that i don't see you in that way, eren?" you let out a mirthless laugh. "well news flash, pretty girls like me don't go for freaks like you."

you got up, ready to grab your things and run out all while trying to ignore the nerves inside of you. he just stands there, rigid and glaring. "really?" he asks once your books are back in your bag.

"y—yes. now if you'll excuse me—" your wrist is being grabbed before you can take another step and for a second both of you are stunned, you mostly frozen in your spot because this creep has the audacity to touch you after everything he just said. you don't know what his excuse is but he only stands there like a shocked puppy before pushing you on the desk.

a gasp escapes your lips at being manhandled by him  of all people, what the fuck is he doing? you're on your stomach, feet on the ground as the fucker puts a hand on your back, keeping you there. "w-what are you doing?" you pant out, bewildered at everything that just happened.

"i..." he trails off, not saying anything before manhandling you again. only this time it's for you to lay on your back and fuck, you could fight back. he's surprisingly strong for such a lanky freak but you're a cheerleader who does complex moves out on the field almost every day. you could kick him off, slam that big textbook in his face to the point his nose breaks and run out, making sure to report him.

but you don't. it's not that you can't. for some reason, you just don't want to. maybe it's curiosity, to see what exactly he plans on doing. to see if a loser like him actually has the balls to do anything but back away and apologize profusely.

"you're not fighting back." he simply says, sounding a bit confused as he comes to lean over your body. his hands on either side of your head as he stares down, those stupid piercing eyes staring down at you. "why?"

"shouldn't i be the one asking the questions here? like why the fuck you have me on this desk?"

he raises an eyebrow, leaning back and grabbing your thighs causing you to squeal in surprise. he spreads them, raising the dress you’re wearing until it's pooling at your stomach before you can even blink.

shit. what's wrong with him?

what's wrong with you? you should be kicking at him, you could easily shove him off. you could do it in a blink of an eye so why the hell aren't you.

where there's supposed to be fear...there's only anticipation. "you really are a slut." he laughs cruelly, pulling your panties down until they're completely off. where he throws them, you don't know. probably in some corner to hide so you forget about them, who knows what a pervert like him would do with it?

"you barely know me and yet...look at this." you shudder as his finger circles your clit before swiping across your cunt, bringing his hand up to show you your slick as if for emphasis.

"shut up." you grit through your teeth. "you're—" you don't have time to finish your insult before he's kneeling down, tongue immediately latching onto your clit.

your nails instantly scrape against the desk, shuddering as he begins to suckle on your clit. his tongue delves into you, fingers digging into your thighs on purpose as if the freak wants to hurt you. you can play that game too if he wants, fingers going to grab at the strands of his dark hair, pulling as you ground your hips against his annoyingly experienced tongue.

usually, your sexual partners don't willingly choose to eat you out but here is he. practically eager to get to business. he acted so high and mighty and still has the gall to continue doing so yet he's the one on his knees right now. freaking nerds are so easy. even overly judgmental ones with sharp gazes.

he’s basically lapping at you, moving from sucking your clit to eagerly drinking up your juices. never coming up for air as if he was made to simply do this. "f—fuck." you didn't want to make any noises, any implications that what he's doing is actually making you feel good but dammit it's hard when a tongue is diving deep into your most sensitive parts.

a particular bite has you instantly bringing your legs together but he quickly grabs them, forcing them apart to shove his face in between your thighs again. your breath catches in your throat as he licks up your dripping pussy. he doesn’t relent even once and the moans won’t stop escaping your lips, “sl—slow down. gonna…dammit.”

his tongue licks…freaking everywhere. the obscene noises causing you to hang your head back, he’s licking and sucking everything up as if it’s his favorite meal.

and it’s embarrassing. how fast you come. but how can not you? you mercilessly pull at his hair and shamelessly moan when you do. somehow you're the sweating and panting one as he stands up. "so that's what all the hype is about?" he tsk, seemingly bored.

it takes a few seconds for you to find the breath to say “don't act like you didn't enjoy that, with the way you were eagerly—”

"shut up." he takes his glasses off, putting them to the side before grabbing your thighs and pulling you closer to him.

"you're disgusting, you know? the nerve you have—"

"i spent the last two hours teaching you simple biology and somehow you couldn't do one question by yourself, if i'm testy that's all on you.

"it's not my fault." it comes out as a whine and you hate it, you were supposed to be insulting him. at least have some pride when you're about to be fucked by the guy who looks at you like you're nothing but a dirty piece of gum.

"shut up, for crying out loud. shut up." his voice is raspy as he unbuckles the belt to his revolting khakis.

you can't help as your eyes widen once his cock is in view. for such a nerd, he's actually packing. one hand holds your hips as the other guides his dick towards your leaking area and slight panic starts to take over. "a-aren't you gonna prep?" as orgasmic as that oral job was, you doubt just that will be enough to prepare you for that.

he grins, probably the first smile you've ever seen on his annoyingly handsome face. "don't worry, i'm sure a slut like you has a loose enough cunt."

"you little shit! that's—" your words get caught in your throat, back arching as he moves his hips forward, piercing inside of you. "fuck."

a broken sound leaves your lips as he continues to push his length in. it doesn't hurt like you expected it to but there's still a strong ache that you know will leave you limping tomorrow morning. it burns, burns so good you have to squeeze your eyes shut. you need something to hold onto as he starts to move, anything to give you some sort of balance but the flat surface underneath you offers no help. "ngh...eren..." you're not sure what you want to say but he doesn't give you time to think of something before he sets a rhythm.

it's surprisingly slow at first, like he wants you to feel every vein on his cock and you do. your walls desperately clench around him as you bite on your bottom lip, the room suddenly feeling too hot as his fingers grab your chin, forcing you to look at him. into that stupid gaze he won't stop staring at you with. his mouth is slightly open but no sound comes out. he's perfectly collected and you hate it. people like him should be cumming the second you touch them but he's...it's annoying.

his pace starts to speed up—he doesn't even give it another second before he's ramming inside of you. holding your hips with both hands as he sets a brutal pace that has you moving up and down the desk. "p-pretty decent for a nerd—ah!"

still, he stays silent. ugh, what's wrong with him? you bring your arm up to your mouth, muffling the moans spilling out of your lips in spite but his hands are immediately pulling them off. he chuckles, coming close enough that his breath fans against your face and a lewd moan comes out of you as he hits an even deeper spot. "don't do that, we all know this is what you want. to be fucked hard and fast to the point you're nothing but a mindless whore whose only purpose is to scream in pleasure."

you don't respond, biting down hard on your lips. his thrusts became more aggressive as he scoffs, "fine." his hand finds its way to your throat, squeezing slightly.

you suck in a shuddering breath just as his hold tightens, bordering on dangerous but for some reason the lack of air only makes your pussy throb, clenching tight around him. why does it feel good? why does everything he's doing to you only make you want more? his thrusts have now gotten erratic, almost forcing your body off the desk but the hold on your hips and throat keep you right where you are. you want to let out the moan clawing out from inside your throat but his grip stays, merciless as he pounds into you.

you don't know how much of this you can take, everything feels too hot. it's too much. "fuck look at you, didn't think you could look even more dumb." he pants, staring down. he finally removes his hand from your throat and you cry out the second he does.

"eren, please i'm—fuck...too much, it's too much." you gasp even though a sick part of you knows you could do this all night.

but right now...with the way his voice is dripping with cockiness— you hate it, hate the way he looks at you and talks to you. it's infuriating and too much. a tsk comes out of his mouth, "who knew you had a limit?" he rolls his eyes and in the next second, he's spilling inside of you. spilling and spilling until some drip on the floor.

like he's been holding himself back all this time.

fuck. he could've at least let you release a second time. you didn't think the asshole would be finishing right after you said that. you're panting, eyes staring at the white ceiling as he pulls out. he zips up his stupid ugly looking khakis as he steps back. "can you get off my desk now?"

the nerve of him...ugh. you slowly sit up, dress sticking to your skin due to the sweat and you have to refrain from asking to use his shower before leaving.

he gets you your bag and you slowly take it, throat aching and dry. there'll definitely be bruises around your throat and hips tomorrow and you're sure he's secretly delighted at that fact. "uh...." you trail off.

this is usually the part where they ask for your number, pleading for a second night with that desperate look in their eyes but he doesn't even send you another glance as he gathers up the papers on the desk, putting them into a binder. "make sure to study before sleeping tonight...if your body can handle that." his lips slightly curve up at that last part but he's not bragging, no just mocking you.

"o...okay." you lick your dry lips, suddenly needing a mint. "uh...bye?" you stand up too fast, cursing at yourself for it but his arm is around your hips before you can fall.

you bite the inside of your cheek, the proximity too close even though he was just inside of you a minute ago. he sighs, "do you need a ride home?" he asks grudgingly.

and you should say no. you don't need to be in an enclosed space with this asswipe for another second. just say no and walk into class the next day, demanding for another tutor. and then you'll never have to talk to him ever again.

but instead a weak nod comes out.

[cryingoverafictionalcharacter]

Pinky Promise

Summary: Fred and Y/N have been rivals for a while, but no matter if it was pranks, or quidditch or something else, they always had their limits to not hurt the other. In fact, for the past few months Y/N and Fred have been growing closer, and even developing feelings for each other, but everything changes when one of Fred's pranks go to far, and he needs to find a way to fix it to save their relationship.

Warnings: Swearing, Fred being kind of a dick, Reader getting angry, confrontation, some angst, kind of a lot of angst actually, ends in major fluff though, also humor because I may not not how to spell but I’m hilarious.

Word count: 2.7K

A/N: comin at cha with ANOTHER ENEMIES TO LOVERS FRED WEALSEY FIC??? Why am I so uncreative? Idk, anyways I hope you enjoy!

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You were beyond furious. You didn’t think there was a strong enough word to describe how angry you were, and you were pretty sure if you were any angrier steam would be coming out of your ears. And the reason for all this anger you may ask?

Fred Fucking Weasley

You stormed through the hallway, heading straight to the dining hall. It was late, and you barely anybody would be in there, but you knew he would be. 

You stopped in the doorway, scanning over the tables until your eyes landed on a familiar mop of red hair. Locking your eyes on your target, you stomped over, clutching your bag tightly in your right hand.

“Oh shit- what did you do this time?” You heard Lee whisper to Fred, as you got closer, but you paid him no mind, eyes locking with Fred’s, who had that same stupid smirk that he always did. It made your blood boil.

“Good evening love, how’s your night going?” Fred asked nonchalantly, as if you were friends and not life long enemies.

“I have to say, it was going quite well, until I found this” You seethed, slamming your bag onto the table in front of him. “Say, does this bag look familiar to you?”

“Nope, can’t say it does” Fred shrugged, but the glimmer in his eye said differently.

“Really? Why don’t you take a closer look” You insisted, grabbing the bag off the table, flipping open the top, and flipping it upside-down, causing an eruption of water to fall from the mouth of the bag.

The water continued for what felt like forever, pieces of paper and pens falling out with it as the contents emptied out onto the floor, soaking yours and Fred’s shoes, but neither of you made a move.

After the water had finally stopped, you threw the bag into his lap, causing him to look down at it, a thoughtful hand on his chin.

“You know, now that I’m looking more closely at it, it does look a bit familiar” He said simply, and judging by the nervous looks on George, and Lee’s face when they saw you, you for sure had steam coming out of your ears now, but you kept your composure.

“Oh, well that’s good. You see, I’m trying to solve a bit of a mystery of who could have done this. Would you have any ideas?” You asked, crossing your arms in front of you.

By now, most of the cafeteria had cleared out. They have seen you and Fred get into heated arguments before. But this was different.

This was going to be fatal.

“No clue, but I have to say whoever thought of it is a bloody genius” He complimented, giving you a grin.

“Genius you say? So you think, flooding my one bag, and ruining all my homework, as well as my ten page essay that I’ve been working on all month, that’s due tomorrow... is Genius?” You asked, the calmness in your voice adding a coldness to the room that shot straight to everyone's bones.

And judging by the now terrified face Fred wore, he was feeling the effects of your voice as well.

“Oh, I see there's been a mix up, I’m actually George-”

“You are fucking not! Don't get me caught up in this” George interrupted, standing along with Lee to flee the scene 

“So sorry about him, Y/N, he can’t be helped. Try not to go to hard on him-” Lee started, but a quick glance his way shut him up instantly “Actually on second thought, do what you see fit, see ya Fred”

With that, George and Lee practically sprinted out of the dining hall, leaving you standing over Fred, who suddenly felt very small.

“I swear, I had no idea your essay was in there, if I had known I wouldn’t have-” Fred started apologizing, but was quickly cut off when your hand slammed down on the table beside you.

“You see Fred” You said, taking a seat on the bench next to him. “I think you did know. We’re in the same class, you’ve seen me working my ass off trying to get this essay done, and you’ve even asked for my notes, which I refused because of this kind of shit you pull” 

Fred swallowed thickly, his heart beating out of his chest at your anger. He had seen you angry before, and he’s been cross with you a few times as well, but those died down fairly quickly, and most of the time there weren't to many hard feelings. And you were right, he had seen you working on that essay, both in class, and at two in the morning in the library.

“Now” You continued “We’ve had out little quarrels in the past, you prank me, I prank you, you hit me with a quaffle at quidditch, I hit one back at you, nothing too serious. But this” She paused, picking a sopping wet pile of papers off the floor, and plopping it in front of him “Is really really fucking low. Did you know, I was already failing this class?”

The question put Fred on the spot, and he felt his heart sink to his stomach. He had always known you to be extremely smart and quick minded, so to hear you weren't doing so well in that class came as a surprise.

“Yeah, I’m failing because, fun fact, I’m fucking exhausted. I’m staying up till three in the morning every night, trying to get caught up in classes. I’m writing back and forward to my family constantly because they’re going through financial problems again, Umbridge is constantly writing me up for no reason, and on top of all of that, I still need to be worried about this” 

Your voice was beginning to shake a bit, and you both knew you were about to cry, but you were determined to keep the tears in until you were done. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

“So... Fred, consider this little rival, or fight, or whatever the fuck this is, over. I’m done, you win, just please, for the love of fuck, leave me alone” 

With that, you stood up and left the dining hall, quickly wiping the stay tear that snuck out on your way. All the while, Fred sat in shocked silence. He had always seen your little back and forwards as friendly competition, and had even thought they were a bit flirty at times. In fact, you two had been getting a bit closer these last few months, and had even started hanging out as friends. But now, he had royally fucked that up, and he needed to fix it.

The next day, you were exhausted. You had spent a lot of the night crying, which you hated but all the pent up emotions just came flooding out. Yes, you were absolutely pissed at Fred, but most of all, you were hurt. In the last few months, you’re arguments had died down a bit, and you found yourselves hanging out from time to time, always accidentally, but you enjoyed his company none the less.

You had even begun to like him a bit, maybe even more than a friend. He was nice, and charming, and wicked funny, and always tried to make you smile, but now, after seeing how careless, and almost mean he had been, you knew you needed to shove those feelings down. So you did. 

Your first class was potions, which of course you had with Fred. He sat behind you, and for a while, he made the class bearable, passing notes back and forward. But now you were absolutely dreading it.

Fred was sat in his usual seat, waiting for you to walk in. He had come in early, hoping to get the chance to talk to you, but when you walked in just as class began, he knew he would need to try a different approach.

Not even five minutes into the class, you felt a piece of paper land beside your elbow on your desk. You looked down, finding a folded up piece of paper, which you immediately knew was Fred's.

You could feel his eyes burning holes in the back of your head, but instead of turning around, you simply flicked the paper off your desk, returning your gaze to the chalkboard. A few minutes later, another piece of paper, this time on top of your notebook. Again, you flicked it off. 

Finally, five pieces of paper later, you smacked your quill down and picked up the newest piece of paper from your desk, unfolding it and looking it over, Fred watching you closely as you did

Can we please talk? I’m sorry

You finally turned around to meet the boys gaze, his eyes instantly lighting up at the change, but his spirits quickly fell when he saw your face, not angry, or frustrated, but sad.

You had had enough, facing the boy, you placed the paper back onto his own desk right as the professor dismissed the class, quickly slipping out of the room before Fred could follow you.

You avoided him like the plague the rest of the day. You didn’t have many other classes with him, and the ones you did share you made sure to find an empty seat far away from him, you even skipped lunch, choosing instead to read in your next class. 

You even skipped the class where your essay was due, not wanting to show up and hand over nothing, you decided to spend the rest of the day alone, and try to redo your assignment, even if you now only had a day to do it.

Fred only saw you again after class by the forbidden forest. He had found you pretty easily, you weren’t in any of your usual spots, so he knew this would be the next best spot to check. As he approached you, he found you had changed out of your uniform and were now in some joggers and a sweatshirt, sitting with your back against a rock as you scribbled in the notebook in front of you.

You chewed your lip as you tried to rewrite your essay, looking to your textbook and back every few second, before messing up on a word. Frustrated, you scribbled out the paragraph you had been working on and threw your notebook and quill to the side, resting your elbows on your knees as you held your head in your hands.

You quickly snapped out of it though when someone behind you cleared their throat, getting your attention and making you jump out of your skin. Panic surged through you, expecting a teacher, or worse, Umbridge, but the fear was soon replaced by irritation when you made eye contact with none other than the very red head you had spent all day trying to avoid.

“What do you want Fred?” You asked, turning back to face the forbidden forest, away from him. 

He didn’t answer, instead you were met with the sound of grass shuffling beneath his feet as he got closer, taking a seat before holding something out to you, causing you to look over at him.

It was your bag from yesterday, but now completely fixed and dry. It looked like brand new. 

You took the bag from him and looked it over, going over the seams and the straps before finally opening it, finding your notebooks, pens, and homework assignments all neatly tucked inside.

“How did you- When did-” you rambled trying to find the words and you shuffled through your belongings, finding them all intact and dry before finally turning to look at him “Why did you do this for me?”

Fred wasn’t expecting that question, but he still answered, looking down at the grass.

“I felt really bad after yesterday, and not just because of that stuff you... anyway, I know I went too far, and I shouldn't have done it in the first place, but I wanted to have a reason to talk to you I guess, and I did it in the worst way possible, and I wanted to make it up to you. I’m sorry”

You looked at him, before turning back to the bag, noticing there was something missing, but before you could say anything Fred continued.

“I was also able to save your essay, it took a while but it was all there. I was going to give it to you in class, but you didn’t show up so I turned it in for you and said you were sick. I got to read some of it by the way, its really good and I would be surprised if you-”

Fred was cut off by you moving your bag to the side and turning to face him, wrapping your arms around him to pull him into a hug. 

Fred was too shocked to move for a second, but quickly found himself returning the embrace, wrapping his arms around your waist and hugging you closer. You sat like that for a minute, your face buried in his neck as a thousand emotions flooded over you. Finally, you pulled away, looking him in the eye.

“I’m not saying I’m not entirely grateful” you started “But you could have just come and talked to me, why did you feel you needed to do that to talk to me?”

At this, Fred’s face began to heat up a bit and he looked back down, fiddling with the grass. He was hoping to fix your friendship and move on, maybe one day growing to be something more, but now he was faced with the choice to tell you his feelings, or lie, and he didn’t want to deny it anymore.

“We’ve always had our little competitions and stuff, ever since we were kids, and for a while we really hated each other. But then, these last few months I got to know you a lot more, and I always knew you were funny, but you’ve got a wicked sense of humor, and you’re super smart, and are always helping people, and you’re always kind to everyone you meet, and I thought I might have had a crush or something. And I didn’t really know how to interact with you in a not competition way, and I didn’t want to freak you out, but after the bag, seeing how it hurt you, it broke me. And I realized that I liked you a lot more than I thought I did”

Fred looked up at you, waiting for your reaction. Were you angry, upset, happy? Your face wasn’t giving him any signs, but then, a small smile crept to your lips, and despite how hard you tried to fight it.

You laughed.

“I’m sorry” You started, trying to fight the laughter bubbling in your chest “I’m not laughing at you, I’m not, it’s just-” Another laugh. “God were just a bunch of idiots aren't we?”

Fred was looking at you like you’d gone crazy

“What do you mean?”

“I like you too dumb ass” You confessed.

“You... oh... Oh!” Fred exclaimed, finally putting the pieces together. “Wow, I really fucked up didn’t I”

“Oh for sure” you nodded, causing Fred to let out a groan, shaking his head before looking back to you, a smile on his face.

Without thinking, you leaned forward, closing the rest of the space between you and pressing your lips to his. Fred returned the action, bringing a hand to the back of your neck to pull you in closer, deepening the kiss.

After a few seconds, you both pulled away, each with goofy smiles on your faces.

“Does this mean I’m forgiven?” Fred asked.

“Only if you promise to never do it again” you said

“Deal” Fred answered quickly, holding out his pinky to you, which you wrapped your own pinky around, shaking on the agreement.

“Wow a pinky promise, that's some hard core shit” You joked in a serious tone.

“Hey, if it means I get to spend more time with you, I’d pinky promise to anything” Fred replied, to which you gave him a feigned shocked expression.

“Anything?! Aww, you like me like me” you teased, laughing as Fred playfully pushed your shoulder.

“Shut up you like me like me too” Fred argued

“That is true” you nodded, before smiling and grabbing the front of his shirt, pulling him into another kiss, smiling as he pulled you even closer.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Heeey, so I was hit with the biggest surge of motivation today and I literally got two weeks of homework done, deep clean my room, and wrote this, so if I go dark for a few months its probably because I’ve used my adrenaline budget for the year lol.

But seriously, I know this fic gets a bit... deep ig? Idk, I’ve been going through it recently and I wanted some angst that would actually reflect how I would react in that situation if you know what I mean? Like I see a long of angsts where the love interest does something really mean, but a simple apology solves everything and yeah. No hate if that’s your writing style, its just not my thing, and I wanted to express my emotions through here, because nobody directly fucked up an entire month of my work but it certainly feels that way sometimes.

Anyways, rant over, I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave any feedback or recommendations you may have.

[johnkrrasinski]

illicit affair;

full masterlist

Pairings: Professor!Andy Barber x female!reader (AU) 

Word count: 2,898

Warning: SMUT!!!! fingering, blowjob (male receiving), dirty talk. (MUST BE 18+) 

Summary: you had been crushing on your sexy professor, Andy Barber since the beginning of the semester but he made it hard for you to focus in class. lucky for you, he was willing to give you the best lesson in your life though. 

a/n: this one’s written for @stargazingfangirl18​ and @navybrat817​‘s shameless hoes for chris writing challenge. i picked the prompt “your professor has a different kind of extra credit in mind.” hope you like it! leave a like and comment. enjoy! 

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

There he goes again, captivating the entire room with that dashing suit and tie, making it difficult for you to breathe. Andy Barber was the professor of your criminal law class. To say he was attractive would be an understatement. The man is the living embodiment of every girl’s wildest dreams. When you first took the class, with the hopes of becoming a social worker, you didn’t expect it to be this challenging. You were confident in your own work ethic and in being a fast learner. No major was too onerous for you to ace.

Until Andy Barber walked into the class on that first day and you realized he was going to teach you for the entire semester.

You had never had a man spellbinding you this badly before. You had a few crushes here and there, but not once did they make you feel the way Andy Barber does. And you knew that it was inappropriate to lust after your professor but, it wasn’t a crime if he is a divorcé and the whole class could relate, right?

It wasn’t only wrong but it was also cruel and unfair that he succeeded in making you lose every bit of your focus whenever he was around. No matter how hard you try to pay attention to what he is lecturing about, your mind would always drift away to nasty places that you shouldn’t even be thinking about visiting. No matter how hard you try to simply open your laptop and type away the vital points that you would need to memorize for final exams, you just couldn’t. It’s like you were paralyzed by his magnetism and oh, how well did he do it.

Like how you currently had a pen stuck between your teeth as if you were fellating it because you were imagining what it would be like to have those plump lips of his on yours and so your pen had to take the beating.

You didn’t know whether he noticed you at all from where you were sitting, you always choose to sit in the middle row, where you could still see things clearly on the board but you didn’t have to feel so exposed because sitting on the front row means everyone who sat behind you could see every movement you make and you would have to deal with the uneasiness of the proximity between you and your professor gave you and you had no wish to make it worse for yourself.

It wasn’t only that he was insanely good-looking but he was also a gentleman. He always charmed the class with his humorous comments and witty jokes while he was doing a lecture or simply when he called out a student who fell asleep. He always made himself available for his students who were confused about the subject or needed guidance on some complex topics. He always greeted the class with a warm smile and he always tried to understand the struggles of being a college student.

You had lost count on how many filthy dreams you had about this man, and how many daydreams you had lost yourself in during his class or simply when you were wide awake. He truly got you on a chokehold. A part of you would sometimes wonder, how could anyone divorce this man? If he were your husband, you would feel like the luckiest woman on earth. You wouldn’t ask for anything else in life.

“Any question…?” He ended today’s session by allowing the students to raise their hands if they needed some enlightenment.

Several students raised their hands and presented their questions and he answered them all eloquently. When there was no more question asked, he dismissed the class and all of the students got out of their seats and exited the room. You were still stuck amidst of your fantasy where Professor Barber was devouring you like you were the last tasty meal on earth and he hadn’t been fed for a month. The thought of his mouth lapping your juices as his beard creating delicious friction on your inner thigh alone was enough to soak your panties.  

You didn’t realize that the class was over until everyone had left and your professor called out your name. There were only the two of you now in the room.

“Y/N? Y/N! Class is dismissed.” He shook you out of your daydream with the gentleness of his voice.

“Uh, yeah, sorry, sir I was- I’m gonna leave now.”

“Are you alright? You zoned out a little there.”

“Yeah, I’m okay, I just- I… I was thinking… of… finals. Yeah, I was thinking of finals.”

“If you need a brief tutor, I wouldn’t mind.”

“No, no! It’s fine, really, I’ll manage. Have a good day sir.” You hurriedly pack up your laptop and stationery and you immediately ran for the door. But you were abruptly stopped by his voice that had slightly shifted its tone.

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you, Miss Y/L/N, do you have a minute?”

Oh shit. This is it. This is where he is going to interrogate you for always being absentminded throughout his entire session and you are probably going to say something really idiotic and you are going to embarrass yourself or you might even spill your own secrets and he is going to get you suspended and then-

“Yes, sir.” You swallowed the lump in your throat.

“Come here, have a seat.” He pulled a chair from one of the tables and placed it across his seat.

You nervously approached him and sat down as your hands trembled because if there’s another word to describe Andy Barber, it would be intimidating. His charisma isn’t only appealing but could also conquer his interlocutors.

“I’ve noticed that your grades have been slipping lately, why is that?”

“I just- I don’t know, maybe I’ve been really tired, sir. College can be really stressful.”

“I understand. But what puzzles me is that I did some background check on you and your grades in other subjects are doing really well. In fact, you had kept a solid 4.0 GPA for two years in a row now. So, what is the problem here, y/n?”

You gulped. Fucking hell, how the hell were you supposed to answer that? “Oh, don’t worry, it’s simply you being so ridiculously hot that you have been distracting me every time you’re lecturing. Maybe, I don’t know, if you could just bend me over on your desk and make me your girlfriend, that might help me take my mind off you.”

“I just- I’ve had a lot in my mind, sir, and it’s just- this subject is really hard,” you spoke meekly. “I promise, I will work really hard on my finals, sir. I won’t let you down.” You hoped that it was convincing enough so that you could carry on with your day and not sit here like a scared mouse.

“Final starts in two weeks,” he reminded you. “How are you going to convince me that you could wrap an entire semester within only two weeks when you have other courses demanding equal attention, y/n?”

“Um, I don’t know, maybe I’ll ask a friend to help me study. I’ll do whatever it takes to pass the test, sir. I give you my word.” Goddamnit, what the hell was he doing to you? Of course, you weren’t going to ask for anybody’s help, you were always the one who was giving help to your fellow classmates instead of needing one. Now you were just making silly excuses to get you out.

His brows furrowed. You knew he wasn’t going to buy your answer so easily. Andy took his job very seriously and it disappointed him to the extreme when one of his students wasn’t doing well in his course. It made him feel like he didn’t do enough in educating these young people. So when one of his students didn’t fulfil his expectations, he was going to address it and solve the problem together.

There was a silence that lingered between the two of you until he broke it off, “how far are you willing to go to pass this class, y/n?”

“Anything sir, I-, I care about my grades. I know I don’t show it enough but I won’t fail you this time.”

“Anything?” Suddenly, the expression on his face transitioned into something impish.

“Yeah, anything at all, sir.”

“How about I offer you a proposition?” His tone was sultry.

“You do something for me, and I’ll make sure you get an A+ on your test. You don’t have to worry about failing.”

“What do you have in mind, sir?”

Instead of giving you a direct answer, he stood up from his seat and sat on the edge of the table. His hands were folded on his propped up thigh.

“I’m gonna ask you one more time, y/n and I want an honest answer. No bullshit or the deal is off.”

You were taken aback by the word that he just used. It wasn’t very in-character of him to cuss, especially in front of a student. You didn’t know if he was a completely different man outside of the university, so this was certainly something you weren’t used to.

“O-okay…”

“Why are you failing in my class, y/n?”

You bit your lip so hard you thought it might bleed. Your lips quivered as tears began brimming in your eyes. You were scared of telling him the truth but you knew if you lie again, he would see right through you and you would end up failing his class for real and there will be no second chance. You refused to retake the same course next semester when you could be getting closer to getting your degree.

You drooped your head down in defeat. The eye contact was overwhelming you and you sucked it up and gathered every last bit of dignity you had in you to give him an answer.

“I… I’m attracted to you, sir.”

He nodded. What you didn’t see was a wicked smirk forming on his lips, as if he knew what he was going to hear when he made you confess. “Go on.”

“I can’t stop thinking about- about making love to you, sir.” you stuttered your words. You cringed at your own words. There was no way to unring the bell now. You just humiliated yourself in front of the person whose attention you wanted the most. He disclosed your dirtiest secrets and this was going to be your doom.

“Good girl. Now, we better not stall any longer, yeah? I’ve got another class in twenty minutes.” He sat back on the chair and ordered, “get on your knees.”

“Wh… What?”

“You heard me. On your knees, I won’t tell you anymore.” his tone sent a shiver down your spine. You didn’t know what was happening but you were excited. You got on your feet and before you could even take a step, he stopped you. “No, no. Crawl.”

You stared at him incredulously as if he had just told you a joke. But you did what you were told to anyway, fearing that you would disappoint him before the act could even begin. You got on your knees with your hands on the floor and crawled to between his spread knees.

You waited for his next instruction with your hands on your thighs as your head hung low. “Take off my pants.”

Without further delay, you undid the zip of his pants and pulled the waistband down along with his boxer briefs, just enough to let his enormous cock spring free. “Good girl. You listen well. Now… you know what to do.” He rested his forearms on the arms of the chair and leaned back on the headrest nonchalantly whilst still maintaining his gaze on you.

Shit, you always fantasized about him using your body but you weren’t actually experienced. Yes, you’ve had a few casual hookups now and then, but it was nothing like this. Your professor who seemed to really enjoy turning you into a puddle by simply commanding you around like his own personal sex slave.

“C’mon, sweetheart, don’t act like you haven't watched porn.”

You start by doing what you had learned from a few pornographic videos which is by stroking him with your hand and then you wrap your lips around his shaft. The taste of his pre-cum mixing with your saliva made you moan. His hand then went to grab a fistful of your hair to push you forward until his tip hits the back of your throat.

“Ah, fuck. That’s better.” Then he took the wheel from there, using your hair as leverage to guide you up and down at a moderate pace. He grunted as he threw his head back against the headrest. “Shit, that’s good. Keep going, baby.” A part of you was a tad elated when he praised you for something you had very little experience in. The ecstatic look on his face amplified the dampness in your panties, your body begging for more. He kept using your face to get himself off and you felt him convulsed in your mouth. He quickened his motion and then released deep inside your throat.  

A few seconds later, he pulled himself out after his cum painted your trachea. “Get up and bend on the table,” you did what he says and pressed your cheek on the wooden surface. “Who knew a 4.0 GPA student like you would be such a dirty slut? You might fool everyone but you can’t fool me, baby.”

He lifted the hem of your plaid skirt and smacked your buttocks with both of his hands, leaving a fiery red handprint on your buttcheeks. You yelped as it echoed on the walls. He pushed aside the crotch of your underwear, and he inserted two of his fingers inside soaked holes, scissoring you wide open for him. You moaned in pleasure as you gripped the edge of the table.

“Fucking slut. I’ve barely touched you and you’re already this wet for me?” You didn’t answer as you continued to cry out. He smacked your left bum once more, “answer me!”

“Yes! Yes, sir.” You stammered between your ragged breathing.

“Is this why you can’t get your shit together? ‘Cause you keep fantasizing about my fingers buried deep in your needy cunt?”

“Yes sir…” your voice quaked.

“Extra points for honesty.” He retreated his fingers and replaced it with his cock. The unwarned intrusion sent a jolt through your body. You squealed in shock as you closed your eyes, trying to adjust yourself to his size. “Ah fuck, you’re so tight.” His hand went to your hair once more and grabbed a fistful of it as he began driving his hips forward. The friction in your G-spot sent electricity through your veins.

He didn’t waste any time by picking up the pace as he lifted your head and brought it closer to his, making you look up to him. “Does that feel good, baby? Is this how you imagined?” He kept thrusting brutally in between his foul words. “yes… Sir. You feel so good around me.” He pecked a brief kiss on your lips and kept pounding you like an animal.

A few more violent strikes and you clenched around him, pushing him to the edge along with you. “Cum baby, show me what a dirty whore you are.” You shut your eyes as you felt the tightening coil in your belly and then it burst, your orgasm dripping all over your thighs. Andy was so close to his climax and a few more deep-seated thrusts, he reached his own and he ejaculated deep inside your womb.

You tried to regain control over your breathing with Andy still engulfed in you. A few minutes later, you both came down from your highs as Andy pulled himself out of you. He put his pants back on and threw himself back on the chair. You stood up on your wobbly legs as you felt your panties squelch with both yours and Andy’s cum blended.

You straighten your rumpled skirt and shirt, as Andy did so with his tie. “You should go, don’t you have another class?”

“I do, but… Did I pass the test, sir?” you batted your lashes at him. The fear and agitation that were there ten minutes ago had dissolved.  

He chuckled at your coquettish remark. He stood up from his chair and closed the distance between you. “Yes sweetheart, you passed the test.”

You beamed as you bit your lip once more. “If you got another test for me, I wouldn’t mind…” you spoke timidly.

“You really are something, aren’t you?”

You shrugged, “I’ve got layers, sir.”

He looked at his watch and realized that he only had five minutes left for his next session. “You are dismissed… For now. I’ve got more lessons that I’d like to teach you, baby.” He winked at you and pecked your lips.

“I’ll be looking forward to our next class, sir.” You packed up your bags and exited to the hall. Looks like you just bent every rule of the university, but you had no doubt in mind that you would do it over and over and over again for your favourite professor.

[caspers-chibs-imagines]

Redemption

Summary

Riley Teller and her son move back to Charming. When Riley returns however, she is faced with the fact that she had to take on her responsibilities as a mom better than before when they are apart of The Sons. Allies are made and maybe a little something more with a certain Scotsman.

____

Chapter Twenty Three

“It’s just for one night. Why can’t they just let me stay?” I cross my arms against my chest as Tara awkwardly fiddles with her hands.

“It’s hospital regulations. You can come back tomorrow morning though-”

“To hell with regulations! I’m not leaving my son.” I interrupt her. My chest fluttered and my jaw clenched as Tara looked at me as her mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. “Either use your words or close your mouth.”

Tara closes her mouth and rubs her forehead with her right hand.

“I can… try to let you stay, but you’ve got to be quiet. No wandering around. You need anything you text me.” She explains and relief runs through my veins. My shoulders feel less strained and they sag back down from their tensed position.

“Thank you.” I mutter before she ushers me back into the hospital room.

“Close the blind, keep the noise down and I’ll be the nurse to come check up on Tommy.” Tara then leaves and closes the door behind her.

I turn back to Tommy as he slept in the hospital bed. Mom had brought me a bag of stuff from home, a few items being Tommy’s blanket and teddy bear. I had tucked him in with blanket and he cuddled his teddy with his left arm, resting his cast upon a pillow beside him. He wasn’t in any pain and after his last check up by Tara, everything will be fine. The cast will just be a constant reminder of how I didn’t protect my baby.

Fillip.

God I wish I could hear his voice right now. Feel his hand brush my hair while he whispers “tha’ everything will be fine.”

Not lay near enough comatose in a hospital bed with a hole stitched up in his head.

I didn’t know what to do. Still don’t. I had visited the room that Tara wrote down when she handed me the piece of paper earlier today. I walked up to the door, looked through the small window and froze.

There lay his shell.

It wasn’t my Fillip.

He was lifeless, hooked up to a machine that beep, beep, beeped away.

I stood for a while next to him, my knees locked and my calves and feet felt like TV static. I can’t begin to describe the feeling I held in my chest, but I can begin with that I can’t lose him. I never had closure with George, I never got to say goodbye or say one last ‘I love you’. I didn’t want to have that a second time.

But I wasn’t going to say goodbye because he was going to make it. We were going to see each other again. We’d say hello again.

***

I spent the night wide awake watching over Tommy. I concluded that the explosion had to have been Zobelle; which means that Clay is going to retaliate no matter what anyone thought. This was all the fuel Clay needed to have a full on blood bath in Charming – which could mean someone is going to either end up dead or behind bars. Watching Tommy sound asleep made me panic that that someone could be me. Was being a part of the club worth risking my baby?

The next morning the doctor came as Tara had already clocked off, it was easy to lie and say I’d only arrived moments before him. He gave Tommy a once over and deemed him fit enough to return home and rest there.

“Will everyone sign my arm mommy?” Tommy asked as I drove the truck back home. “Elliot had a cast in school and we all drew on it for him. Miss Harrison said it would make his arm better. Will it make my arm better mommy?”

“It will baby,” I assured him and smiled. “You can get all your friends to sign it at school.” With that Tommy seemed to beam the rest of the drive, happy to be able to get his cast signed by everyone.

We spent majority of the afternoon watching movies and playing with Tommy’s dinosaurs. Tommy had wanted me to sign his cast and I did so with purple heart and wrote ‘mommy’s soldier’. He beamed all afternoon about being a brave soldier, ready to fight the bad guys to protect his mommy.

The club hadn’t called or visited which most likely meant they weren’t going to consider me as a prospect in their decisions today. Which I am grateful for because I didn’t want a minute away from my son. Any chance I could grasp onto him and hold him in my arms, feel his little heartbeat in his chest, blow raspberry kisses on his cheeks, all moments that assured me that he was alive and well.

Coming up to dinner I still hadn’t heard anything from the club or even Jax. Silence is never good – with children or with men. Tommy had asked to call Half-sack at the hospital, after he had his surgery Tommy had been missing one of his favourite babysitters – I couldn’t lie and say I don’t miss him too. So whilst I prepared spaghetti and meatballs, Tommy sat on the floor against the fridge with my phone rambling on about his new cast to him.

“Mommy said I can get it signed by everybody!” Tommy falls silent for a moment, then nods his head. “I made a square for you to sign, next to Chibby!”

Filip…

I jolt as the door knocks. I wipe my hands on the kitchen towel before leaving Tommy still chatting away on the floor and go to greet my new guest.

“Got room for one more?” Mom asks as she holds up a bottle of whiskey. She has shadows under her eyes, her hair still styled to perfection but her shoulders hold onto an invisible weight as they slump.

“Meatballs almost done,” I step back and let her in. We walk back to the kitchen after I close the door. Tommy sees mom and almost drops the phone as he runs up to her to cuddle.

“Grandma is here. Okay. Bye Eddie!” Tommy beams up at mom and I take my phone back and put it on the counter.

Dinner is eaten in the living room with mom and I on the couch and Tommy sat on the floor and his plate on the coffee table. Scooby Doo and the gang run around trying to solve another mystery as I eat my meal and sip the whiskey mom brought. Tommy gasps when the monster is revealed to the previous owner of the land. Mom is silent. She greeted Tommy with warmth and a smile and she answered him anytime he spoke to her, but other than that it’s as though she’s lost in her own little world.

I don’t press her on what’s wrong; that’s a first class ticket to being berated about my own problems.

By the time Tommy is settled in bed and hugging his teddy bear, my own fatigue was creeping up on me. I walk into the kitchen just as mom opens a window, her other hand holding a pack of cigarettes and her lighter.

“Spare one?” I ask as I walk over to the counter below the window and sit on it. Mom passes me a cigarette and lights it for me. With my first inhale I realise that this has been the first one I’ve had in two days.

Mom lights up her own and we sit and stand in a comfortable silence.

“I never did get to say goodbye to your father,” Mom begins, exhaling smoke as she looks at me. A haunted shadow in her eyes fluttered by and said goodbye before I could question it.

“Only got to hear the words come from the sheriff where they found parts of his skull.” I shuddered. I took another drag and let it’s burn itch at my chest.

“I don’t remember the last thing I said to George,” I muttered. Mom shifts next to me, turning in to listen as she did when I was younger.

“I just remember we were shouting; I was trying to get him to come with me. To run back here and get help… but he didn’t want to run. I remember seeing blood and putting Tommy in the truck. But I don’t remember if I told him I loved him.” I sniff back the coarse feeling in my throat. My chest burns a deeper hole. The last thing I asked Fillip to do was take Jax’s side.

“The last thing Fillip said to me was my name. He called out to me before the van blew up. He saved my little boy. Now I don’t know if I’ll get to help him.” My head falls, I stare down at my feet. Mom wraps an arm around me and pulls me into her, her chin resting on my head.

“Does it ever stop?” I ask – beg.

“You never get over it.”

[putseraphinaonthaphone]

Groupchat pt. I

CW// recreational drug use, group sex, poly dynamics, virgin reader, queer reader who uses she/her pronouns and feminine descriptors, intoxicated sex

It was an interesting group of friends that you had. Well, 'friends' was a stretch, but you had a groupchat. The name was simply 'fuckers' because for some reason Bakugou was allowed to name the chat. You had the same group of stoners you ended up partying with every weekend, getting high off the strongest shit you could buy and letting loose to work off the stress of the week. It was cliche but true, you blew off steam getting high and dancing like a slut-- self care. Somehow it had evolved to more of a four person party that wasn't really a party, but you played music, smoked, and the boys watched you dance while devouring the healthy but tasty food you prepared because when you're high everything tastes 100 times better and you'd been on a restricted diet because of your chronic health issues since you were a teenager. When you'd explained this in the group chat, the most concise response you got was "so you'll cook for us?" Stoners were just your people honestly. Or maybe it was these stoners.

Bakugou mellowed out considerably after a few blunts, and he offered to blow up whoever made you cry the first time you met coming out of a party to smoke after you had a call with your best friend from back home. He'd told you that your dynamic as friends only worked if he was single. You didn't know if you'd ever have another friend like him. And there was Bakugou, offering you a blunt and violence that seemed like just the kind of friendship you craved in that moment.

Shinsou was one of the few people who came to the party simply to find people to smoke with. He rarely talked, but he was really good company you thought. He always brought indica strains-- your personal favorite as well as his you found out. Sometimes you guys talked about how it was cruel to have so many dreams but so little energy to pursue them. Sometimes you guys went back to his place and smoked yourself into a sleepy haze that always ended up in the warmest cuddles you've ever experienced.

Dabi had a viper's tongue and an even worse attitude than Bakugou. But he was cool, you bumped into him at a party when you were looking for another smoker to borrow a light from. You were feeling caustic after a phone call from home. "You got a lighter bro?" He seemed a bit amused by your masculine energy wrapped in a lush femme presenting form, like he was relieved to finally seeing someone interesting. "You look like you got all sorts of daddy issues, why haven't we met before?" His tone was both flirtatious and condescending at the time. "Whatever gave it away?" You snorted as you lit up your blunt, white grape game wrappers. But your tone was flirtatous as well as you handed your blunt to him, "We're meeting now. To shitty dads who deserve to sleep in the bed they made."

Shoto was the anomaly. You saw him around your department, guessing he was an upperclassman in your major. And one day he was at Dabi's place when you all got together to celebrate finally getting an off campus hangout spot. Apparently Dabi was an old friend, kind of like an older brother to Shoto. They definitely had a thing going on, but thinking about it too long made your face burn. His preppy appearance was shattered when he wore a short sleeve shirt instead of his usual button downs, and you saw the traditional japanese tattoos that made a full sleeve in white ink. You also noticed his silver gauges that were almost hidden by his white hair and when he pushed his hair back you saw more piercings on his ears. But when he smoked you under the table you decided you were almost in love.

If you happened to hope that one day at least one of the hot but dumb fuckers you smoked with took the hint of your many personal dance shows and fucked you, that was no one's business but your own.

You worked through the week, bullshitting assignments- but well because you were a fucking genius in your field, and on friday you decided to just wear a bra, shorts and an over shirt to the party with a beanie on your shaved head to complete the look. The pregame was at Shoto and Dabi's place this time, a short walk if you thought about the liquor and weed waiting for you. You weren't prepared for the brisk wind to meet you when you stepped out of your dorm.

"Hoes don't get cold." You chanted under your breath as you started walking. Your construction boots kept your feet warm, but the black booty shorts that were frayed at the edges left your lush thighs and your entire legs exposed to the cold wind. But after a few more minutes of walking you gave up- you weren't a good enough hoe, and you were cold. So you bit the bullet and put into the group chat:

smokerdeepthroat 11:19pm

Someone come pick me up, I'm freezing my literal ass off.

blueflamer 11:22pm

Walk bitch.

boomboi 11:24

Cash gas or ass, you know the drill.

smokerdeepthroat 11:25

Y'all can run a train on my ass if someone just picks me up before I freeze to death.

sleepystoner, icyhot, boomboi, blueflamer | read

Shit. You hadn't actually meant to send that. And of course the one time Shinsou checks the chat had to be now. "Fuckers," you grumbled under your breath. At this point it was almost like calling them your boys in a fond tone, and that thought had you almost puking onto the concrete. The fact that you were blushing was completely irrelevant.

Before you could freak out too much- internally of course, you were not going to be caught simping with one of them on the way to pick you up- you heard the familiar roar of Bakugou's car coming down the street. The bass of his emo ass rock music shook the street and you were climbing into the car before he could yell at you to get your ass inside.

You might have moaned at the heated seats, rubbing your hands over your freezing thighs. "Thanks Bakubro. It's cold as fuck and I was too excited to pregame to bring a jacket."

"A jacket isn't the problem. Your ass is hanging out." His words as usual were followed by a plume of smoke. His crimson eyes trailed over your body and a heated smirk curved his lips. "But that just means easier access for us."

"Y'all dusty ass hoes know I was joking-" You tried to bluff, tried to deflect with bravado as you took the blunt from him. But your hands shook, and Bakugou met your gaze with a quiet intensity that was somehow worse than his explosions.

"You dance like you need a dick in you. And only for us. We waited for you to make your choice, but this is less complicated." Damn it, he was smoking the horny weed. But if you were honest all weed was horny weed to your squad. There was an eroticism in the craving just one more hit. Just one more epic high. Just one more shudder of pleasure, as touching yourself to the thought of the boy's eyes on you when you got back to your dorm was as much a part of your friday night ritual as the weed.

Whenever you started smoking you felt yourself happily descending into hedonism. Bakugou's voice certainly wasn't helping. Your throat was impossibly dry- from the smoke, from desire- as you admitted quietly,

"I'm a virgin." You weren't going to apologize, compromise or argue. It was a statement and he could take it or leave it.

Bakugou wasn't an idiot. But he also was a possessive bastard in a way that made you wet even though you rolled your eyes at it.

"I'll make it good for you when I pop your cherry. I met you first, I'll take you first. I got you." It wasn't a promise, it was confident statement you knew he would stop at nothing to make a reality. His relentlessness was something that drew you to him in the first place if you told yourself the truth. He shifted gears smoothly and rested his warm hand on your bare thigh as he drove you back to the off campus house. You smoked half the blunt listening to his music and getting wet from his hands wandering higher and higher up your thigh.

You walked in to the house and realized how much you'd underestimated how serious Bakugou's words were. It seemed like it was a long time coming when you walked into Dabi's low lit living room to find him with his hand on Shoto's dick, Shoto's hand on his, and Shinsou lazily palming himself.

"It's about time you got here, you can't just drop shit like that in the chat when you're not here to bend over for us." Shoto's white and red hair was a mess, and given that it looked like the two of them were edging each other (sadists), his fucked out face made sense.

"She's a virgin, Icy Hot, you're gonna have to wait. I gotta open her up first." You in the mean time were going to start the music while smoking a bit hurriedly, hoping you were well and truly high before they actually started to run a train on you.

"Play the dick down playlist." Shinsou rasped from the couch and you wanted to cry at the head assery you had to put up with from these morons. (/s) But they're your morons, some lonely part of you whispered.

"It actually better have good music on it." You griped, but yeah, you were feeling the impact of whatever Bakugou had given you to smoke because your words weren't as harsh as you meant them to be.

"I call dibs on her ass cherry." Dabi's low voice cut throat the soft grunts from Shoto.

"Next time." Bakugou muttered watching the way you started to dance, having shed your overshirt to simply dance in your shorts and bra. None of the boys danced with you, a rule you'd had to put in place when they literally started fighting like children over who's turn it was to dance with you. Somehow it hadn't gotten better, these jealous bitches would sulk if you didn't give them all equal attention during your provocative performance. You solved this by closing your eyes and not looking at any of them while you let your body follow the nasty beat of the playlist. Sometimes you murmured lyrics if you remembered them and all four men were enraptured by the sight of you surrounded by smoke and dancing like a ancient goddess that could command them all in an instant.

It was moments like these that made you think maybe you were all a little more than friends by now. More than just groupchat contacts. But friends. Maybe more?

The blunt you finished yourself, until you were light headed and craving more. More music, more bass to move your hips too, maybe something to move your hips against. You didn't hesitate when Bakugou patted his thighs.

In fact, the weed in your system convinced you it only made sense to take your shorts off before straddling him. Better that than having to stop just when you're finally getting what you want right? You forgot you were just wearing some lace boyshorts with pale pink roses framing your luscious curves and dusky skin until you heard;

"Slutty girl." It was a groan as Shoto's grip on Dabi's cock tightened from the view of your fat ass sitting on Bakugou's lap.

"Nah, not yet. She's just needy." Katsuki smirked when you blushed from his words, even as you started grinding down on him in revenge. The choked moan that escaped him and the cocky glare you turned on all of them made all of them crave you that much more.

"You're needy to fuck me too, you all are. Don't forget that, explosion bitch."

"Point made. But watch it, little girl. It's gonna be a long night." His words were low and raspy from smoke, and even thought it should have been a threat your pussy gushed and soaked your panties anyway.

Four pairs of eyes watched your every move, drinking in the sight of you half naked, boldly staking your claim on all of them-- which only made them want to return the favor. Claiming you over and over until you wouldn't deny you belonged to them.

A long night, huh?

To be continued.....

[howelljenkins]

hi kal! you can ignore this if you want. i just need serious help and I'm writing this completely out of desperation. i have some major exams in July that are going to affect my whole life but no matter what i do i just can't bring myself to study. i keep stressing about it, i open my textbooks and even the simplest things fly over my head. I've never been this hopeless. do you have any advice?

I’m honestly still struggling with this too, but here are some things that I think can make a difference and help you out! Allison @lifeofthegrind also posted an infographic with more tips you can check out.

ENVIRONMENT

Physical Area: If you can, study in a place where you’re able to sit straight up and work on a flat surface. Organize it and clear the table to the best of your ability and set everything you will need for your study session nearby. 

Time: Note what time of day you study better and see if you’re affected by it; I tend to study best earlier in the day because my body thrives on sunlight and I either go outside or sit in a place with a lot of windows.

Noise: Some people study better in silence, some need ambient background noise, some need a certain genre of music, some need podcasts playing in the background, etc. Try a few things out and see what works best for you. Personally, I like playing coffee shop ambience in the background.

FOOD/DRINK

Water: You need it. Get a water bottle or cup or straw that doesn’t make drinking water a chore. I have a covered cup that has a straw so it’s easy to absent mindedly sip on while I work.

Coffee and Snacks: Avoid as much as possible. If you’re so inclined, make them at the beginning of your study session. After that, recognize when you’re using making another cup of coffee or grabbing a snack as a distraction. Also, for snacks, they’re more likely to waste your time since they keep your hands busy. My jaw tends to tense up and I study better when I’m chewing something, so I chew on a gum so it doesn’t distract me from my work.

Meals: They are important. Try not to skip them. Use them as breaks and remove all electronics so you don’t get sucked into your phone. Take an hour to make your food, maybe clean your area as it cooks, sit down and unwind and eat!

ORGANIZATION/STRUCTURE

Calendars: Use them. See what works best for you (Digital, Paper, etc) and stick to it. Personally, I use Google Calendar so I can put things in the minute I schedule them and it helps structure my day and gives me alarms so I don’t forget anything. Keep it simple and keep it to actual classes and appointments; if you include study time as an event, don’t break it down in the actual calendar.

Lists: Keep a scratch list of all the things you have to study/assignments you have to complete. At the beginning of your study session, take out the list and pick something to tackle, breaking it down into doable chunks. Be realistic and don’t go overboard!! It also helps to assign each chunk a time frame to keep yourself accountable and avoid spending all day on one thing. Physical to do lists usually work better for me, but you could also use digital ones if they’re easier for you.

Anchoring: Anchor your day around major tasks (waking up, taking a shower, meal times, attending class, etc.) and attach a routine to each task. For me this applies more to self care routines (attaching flossing and brushing teeth to bedtime, attaching washing my face and doing laundry to taking a shower, etc.) but it works just as well for studying. 

MINDSET

This is the hardest one, but you need to catch yourself and self-correct when you find yourself slipping into certain thought patterns. Go into study sessions thinking “I am going to come out of this better than I was” rather than “There’s no way I’m going to get all this done” because that leads to thinking that makes you feel like you might as well just quit.

If a certain question or concept isn’t clicking, make a note of it and skip it. Don’t let it frustrate you to the point of exhaustion. Sometimes I fall into the trap of “this is too important to skip” and waste time just staring at something that’s not working. Move on, do what you can do, and go back to it when you’re ready or when you can get outside help.

GENERAL TIPS

- If you’re having a hard time starting, set a timer for 5 minutes and make the commitment to actually try just for those 5 minutes, no strings attached. Sometimes this is enough to get the ball rolling.

- If you have a hard time paying attention during a video and it’s not the type of thing you take notes for or follow along as they solve a problem, do something that keeps your hands busy so your mind can concentrate. For me, this means things like knitting, crochet, folding clothes, etc.. If the lecture doesn’t have visual aspects, you could also do some mindless cleaning while listening. I swept my house during all my sociology lectures and learned more than I ever did sitting down.

- If you can’t focus on readings, try listening to them! Find audiobooks or use programs like speechify that read PDFs to you. I find following along the reading as I listen to the text makes it easier to process.

- Break things up into categories (like I did with this list!) and focus on one chunk at a time.

- Go easy on yourself <3 things are rough all over right now and the fact that you’re putting in effort at all is something to be proud of regardless of the results.