#a super huge fuck you to all of the mandatory training i had to do re: intimate partner violence and abuse

[senselessalchemist]

finally have an actual job so maybe I can stop being a hermit and get officially divorced and feel sort of financially stable and possibly try dating again and get a cat ??? is that allowed? no I probably shouldn't unless I get a bigger place and can have two cats to be friends

downside is when the fuck am I supposed to draw dumb comics if I'm working for hours and hours a day? Hell and suffering on earth. maybe i should get an iPad or a whatthefuck ever and draw on the commute so I don't lose even more of my meager art skills

[sunflowersteves]

𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 ❅ 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒓𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒓𝒔

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: all you wanted for new years was your best friend back. Who knew you’d be getting more. 

author’s notes: the last holiday fic!! honestly this one was way more angstier that i was supposed to be writing but oh well. i hope you enjoyed all these holiday themed fics as much as i did!! and happy new year’s eve, everyone!

warnings: drinking, angst, cheesy as fuck, fluff

holiday prompt m.list

You really didn’t want to be here. You wanted to smack Tony Stark for telling you that the Avengers attending the party was mandatory. You’d rather be in your pajamas watching some sitcom and cuddling with Alpine. 

You were currently sitting at the bar that sat in the back of the ballroom. A heavy cocktail sat in front of you, your fingers swirling the stirring straw around. The drink was empty, now. You had just been playing around with the ice that was slowly melting.

Bucky was telling you some story about Natasha and Thor, but you weren’t listening one bit. You were too concentrated on the loss of your best friend, the one person you thought would never leave you behind. 

Your eyes wander where he sat, laughing at something his new friend had said. Your heart sunk immediately at his wide smile and sparkling eyes. 

“Jus’ talk to him, doll. I know he’s hurting too.”

Well, it sure doesn’t seem like it. It looks like he’s fine without you, drinking away with his newfound friend. It didn’t look like he was missing you like you were missing him. You had gotten into a huge argument; you don’t even remember what it was about now. 

“I’m sure he is.”

In the heat of the moment, Steve shouted out that he didn’t want to be friends anymore so here you were drinking in your sorrows. What stung, even more, was the fact that you couldn’t get over your feelings for him. They had escalated quickly after a mission together, and since then, the super-soldier has never not been on your mind. 

Another part of you was also angry at him for such a dumb argument would be the end to your friendship. It was ridiculous. But he’s always one to dive headfirst into trouble. 

Bucky just sighed and placed a hand on your shoulder in comfort. “He doesn’t stop asking about you, you know. Every time I walk into the room, he never hesitates to ask. You can see the regret written all over his face.”

Bucky squeezes his fingers, a soft smile gracing his features. “He’s an idiot, yes. The biggest one I know. But you’ve always had a special place in Steve’s heart.”

He gave the bartender a tip before leaving the stool and walking over to Sam. You just stared back onto your drink, watching the ice swirl around in the glass. You thought about what Bucky had said, your heartbeat raising. 

But then it plummeted all together when you realized he had moved on from you. He has someone else now.

“I’m sorry.”

Your head whipped over to Steve’s, surprised that he was sitting next to you where Bucky had previously been. You look at him for just a moment, noticing the sad, melancholy eyes search for yours.

“I’m sorry too.”

Steve laughed, “I don’t even remember what we were arguing about.”

You shook your head before taking a sip of your now very diluted cocktail. “Me either.”

“Look, I tried to make new friends, and I’m glad that I did. They’re great but…” He was fully turned to you now, his chest almost pressed against yours. “None of them are you. You’re my best friend. You know me better than anyone, and no matter how hard I try, no one can ever replace you.”

You gulped, heart stinging at the mention of friends. You don’t want to be friends. You want to cuddle in the morning, kiss under the stars, and laugh around the dinner table. All you wanted was Steve. 

“Steve, I-I can’t be friends with you anymore. I-”

He stared at you wide-eyed, his chest constricting with hurt. But the countdown interrupted you before you could fully explain. Your eyes were trained on the screen as each number went lower and lower. 

Ten seconds until new years. 

10

9

“What do you mean you don’t want to be friends?”

8

7

6

“I-I can’t be friends with you. I like you. I want to be more. I know you don’t feel the same, so I need space, Steve. I’m sorry.” 

5 

4 

He just stared at you like he was completely frozen in time. You tried to search for some type of expression or emotion. You needed anything to give you a sign that maybe he liked you too. Although, all you could gather was his stunned state. 

3 

2 

1

Without warning, his lips crashed against yours. The kiss was desperate, his mouth swallowing yours with his hands cupped around your cheeks. Your noses bumped against each other, lips swirling and gliding over one another. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down even closer. His lips tasted like cherries, and his cologne sent chills down your spine; the earthy smokey scent was divine. Your heart was bursting with glee. You felt as though you could walk across fire. Steve Rogers was kissing you. It was like a dream come true. 

He pulled away and pressed his forehead against yours. “We’re the biggest idiots ever, aren’t we?”

marvel: @harrysthiccthighss​ @fandomsandxfiles​ @rebekahdawkins​ @purselover2​

steve: @harrysthiccthighss​ @haloxmendes​ @marvelous-capsicle​ @purselover2​ @doozywoozy​

permanent: @captainchrisstan​ @angstysebfan​ @teenagereadersciencenerd​ @rebekahdawkins​ @hailmary-yramliah​ @buckybarnesplumwhore​ @stardust-galaxies​ @wiccanmetallicrose​ @keithseabrook27​ @hereforthesunrise​

[thelastyetfabolousmidwestmadman]

Dark Side Of The Rising Sun Part 1

Yo what’s up!

After the success of my previous post, I’ve decided to bring a follow up where I talk about the many dysfunctions and issues facing Japan that I’ve learned in my research. Detective Conan often shows the criminal justice system of Japan in a positive light while in reality it has many issues due to the culture.

Now let me make this clear: Japan has many great things about itself that should never be ignored. However, these are real flaws that have or need to be addressed with many Japanese also recognizing them as problems.

Now I had to split this into parts as this is rather ungainly to put it all at once. If you have any questions please ask and I’ll do my best to answer them.

 Suicide

Japan has one of the highest suicide rates in the world with about 15.2 deaths per 100,000 people.

This is due to many factors such as Suicide not being considered a sin as well as historical connotations of it being a honorable way to go.

It is also considered a act of revenge, apology, and protest.

It is mostly caused today by factors such as unemployment, alienation and intense social pressure.

Japanese society is overall tolerant of Suicide but this is changing in recent times.

Another factor is the need for acceptance over individuality.

People with mental illness are often discriminated against, stopping potential help.

Internet Suicide Clubs where anonymous people make/plan suicide pacts and commit group suicide are a major issue.

If you kill yourself via Shinkansen, your family will be fined heavily. It is also the cause of half of the train delays and referred to as a human incident.

Tall buildings have mandatory suicide fences to prevent people from jumping off. When they succeed, they take off their shoes before hand.

It is common for suicidal people to take insurance policies and wait a year or two to go through with it so their families would be okay.

Ikka Shinju or family suicides are when the entire family kills themselves together due to Asian views of the family. When the parents kill their children before themselves, this is called Muri-Shinju or murder suicides.

Oyaku Shinju or parent-child suicide are where a single parent kill their children along with themselves.

Drownings, overdoses, hangings, and jumping off places are the most common form of suicide.

Judiciary

Traditionally, the judge is hated more then the lawyer is in the west as the Judge is often viewed as a symbol of the Japanese nobility judging the common man.

If you are sent to trial, you are certain to be convicted regardless of innocence due to the countries 99% conviction rate. (Really makes Eri’s work more awesome and badass doesn’t it?)

The Japanese supreme court is one of the most conservative in the world, rarely ruling against issues that are blatantly unconstitutional and anti human rights. As a result, one of the more positive proposals for amendments of the Constitution is the creation of a separate Constitutional Court.

If you are sent to death row, you will never be told in advance when you are going to die.

Culturally, once arrested the person is automatically considered guilty.

Police are often reluctant to overturn convictions as they insist that only guilty are arrested and convicted.

The law when a child is considered criminally responsible is 14.

Judges are often pressured into making convictions as their careers are negatively affected by a not guilty verdict.

Prosecutors are given the choice not to pursue a case regardless of sufficient evidence.

Prisoners in Japan, while somewhat treated better then much of the world due to it’s focus on rehabilitation instead of punishment, have to follow strict military style regulations from minor things such as being forced to fold the bed, or to wash your face to more draconian measures such being beaten if you don’t march or sit the wrong way.

In turn, many have inadequate access to medical care as they don’t have many options for their healthcare.

It can take months or years before you are tried, meaning that a right to a speedy trial is completely nonexistent.

“Periods of reflection” where inmates are forced to be handcuffed, gagged and placed in solitary, are often not recorded by the warden.

Foreigners are forced to speak and write in Japanese.

Drug Use

It is considered vastly socially unacceptable to do narcotics in Japan.

Most drug addicts are even considered to be not human.

If a celebrity is caught doing drugs, his career is automatically fucked and he is blacklisted from the industry, as well as erased from current projects.

The most commonly sold drug is methamphetamine. This started after World War II due to Meth being legal for soldiers to consume in order to stay up late on petrol as well as from occupying Americans. After the was, it became a huge epidemic for 12 years.

Marijuana use has risen among youth. Despite it having little danger as well as medicinal uses, it is widely considered evil, with the law having no tolerance.

Overall, Japan has little drug use compared to the rest of the world due to the cultural taboo and strict laws. However, there are signs that it is being vastly under counted,

Most illicit drugs are imported from Taiwan and South Korea due to it being near impossible to grow it natively but it is becoming increasingly hard to do so.

Drugs overdoses are criminally under diagnosed.

Epidemics often occur due to low periods of economic growth and recessions. (Examples include the postwar period, the 70′s, and the Lost Decade after the Bubble Economy burst in 1989)

It is common for your family or doctor to call the police once you admit there is a problem. Then you are forced to take a urine sample and if it tests positive you are immediately arrested.

A lot of doctors open pharmacies to add to their income. As a result, many oversubscribe prescription drugs.

Hypocritically, Alcoholism is completely tolerated and not treated as a addiction due to alcohol being considering purifying in Shinto, a cure, and Japan having a intense drinking culture.

Child Abuse

For the most part, physical child abuse is considered a private issue and often ignored. While things are slowly getting better, Japan still has a long way to go. (Imagine if Kogoro did what he did to Conan in the west. Child services would be on him like a fly swatter.)

Child services often return the children to their parents even if they say their abusing them as the counseling centers need the parents to admit to their abuse.

It is a complete myth that Japan’s age of consent is 13. That is only the lowest one could set it. Most prefectures are set at 16 or higher. In turn, child molestation of those under 12 is heavily punished. However while vaginal rape of children is illegal, basically just about everything else as long as it’s statutory is basically alright.

Enjo Kosai or compensated dating is the practice of Teenage Girls to go on dates with older men in exchange for money and gifts. While not necessarily always leading to prostitution is treated as such and the girls are often blamed if they are hurt in the process.

Child sex trafficking of migrants is a serious issue and they are often treated as criminals and sent home without counseling.

Adoption of children is rare and frowned upon so many of them have to gro up in centers.

Children of unmarried couples are discriminated against due to the violation of the traditional Ie system and do not have the same protections or privileges of married couples because of its Koseki system.

Men are not obligated to pay child support and it’s near impossible to get them to legally as they can simply hide their finances by not telling them. Plus only one person can be named on the custody sheet.

Child Pornography was effectively decriminalized until 2014. No seriously.

Sexual Harassment/Assault

Domestic violence victims are disabused from coming forward due to the idea of bringing shame to their family.

Stalking cases are rarely taken seriously by the police

OH THERE”S WAY MORE BUT THIS LIST IS DARK ENOUGH SO LET”S SAVE THIS FOR A LATER DATE.

Working Conditions

Idols are heavily exploited and forced to follow strict rules such as having no social life, banned from having a boyfriend, etc. This is because they are supposed to sell a image of innocence and be there exclusively for their fans.

Anime creators are often forced to work long hours with little pay. This has resulted in a slump in the industry with very few new hires so they are forced to rely on the older animators whose health may fail sooner rather then later.

Funds are rarely given to films with artistic intent or that are political in nature, resulting the film industry suffering compared to the more internationally regarded South Korea.

Police Corruption

Until recently, Japanese police would work with organized crime to lower crime. The only reason they stopped was not out of concern for the everyday citizen but because they were embarrassed by the Yakuza when they began to show up more publically.

The media is often laughably compliant to the police, with they rarely offering a critical lens.

Police have undue influence on the Pachiko industry, with many retired officers being hired as muscle and for advice.

It is quite common for officers to embezzle from their slush funds.

In a effort to cover up crime, police often refuse to investigate mysterious or suspicious deaths, preferring to label them as accidents or suicide.

Police are often anti migrant and sexist to a fault.

It is neigh impossible to get a wiretap going due to rigid privacy laws.

Even the police can’t fire weapons as you need approval to even loose your gun so many officers have never fired a bullet.

Government Incompetence/Corruption

Voter Apathy is super high, with many elections having hilariously low turnout.

Many politicians have Yakuza connections, with the gang members serving as bodyguards and canvassing for votes.

Votes in the countryside are worth two compared to urban ones.

A lot of politicians are completely out of touch and constantly have to resign for gaffes (racism, sexism, historical revisionism, etc.)

Political acts are based on group consensus so it can take a long time to get meaningful reform done.

Criticism and debate is ironically frowned upon, with open criticism within a party being effectively banned.

Cronyism is common. While for the most part Japanese politics is based on expertise, many politicians are awarded ministries based on their support for the leader.

The NHK (Japanese version of the BBC) is largely neutral and free but the current Japanese government can dictate what it is to focus on temporarily.

Press Clubs are often given exclusive access to interviews and information from the government, so they get biased preferential treatment.

Okay I guess the point of this list is to bring attention to these issues and expand the opportunities of where to go when it comes to dark DC fanfiction. Don’t worry, here’s a cute Conan to make you smile!

[glasyasbutch]

playlist: nissy

link to playlist (on spotify)

1. We R Who We R by Kesha

It’s about damn time to live it up, I’m sick of being so serious, it’s making me delirious

listen. i could pull some shit out of my ass or I could say that i wanted the first words on this playlist to be HOT. AND. DANGEROUS.

2. LIVE THE WEEKEND by Rhizza, GIRLI

Oh, what do you care who I’m kissing / Oh my god you’re suck a dickhead, can’t you let me live the weekend?

anthem for bi people who just want to be left alone to be horny. bonus points for the use of the word dickhead in the exact context nissy would use it. he’s a child like that.

3. Nails, Hips, Hair, Heels by Todrick Hall

Ass fat, lips real, full purse, big bills

I debated on adding this song for him, bc it’s not super his vibe. Like he’s not quite as ‘strut into the room and check to make sure everyone’s staring at me’ as Zier, and he’s not quite as effeminate as this song would make you think. but i do think this is the kind of carefree, self-loving atmosphere he tries to escape to when he’s not being trained on the social graces necessary in political meetings.

4. Fabulous from High School Musical 2 OST

I need something inspiring to help me get along / I need a little fabulous is that so wrong?

He’s a fucking spoiled ass rich bitch tho, no matter what, and he like. Wants His Stuff. And he wants it to be Nice.

5. Girls Just Want To Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper

I come home in the morning light, my mother says “when you gonna live your life right?” / Oh momma dear, we’re not the fortunate ones

Nissy’s had this exact conversation more times than he can count; getting yelled at after he’s sneaking back in his own bedroom window and makes a little too much noise. You’d think his parents remember a bit more about youth, having each had two of them. 

6. Blind Leading the Blind by Mumford & Sons

Running from the weight of ancient labels and leaving what identity there was / Well, my generation’s stuck in the mirror / “Forget about the poor, cause I don’t like the word”

Oh you thought it was gonna be all meme-y songs, huh? You thought I was gonna let you get a whole playlist without getting even a bit emo? Fools.

This song sticks out for me in a lot of ways. There’s a lot to be said about the classism inherent in the Den system (correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe consecution is exclusive to the Dens? People not born into them pick a Den when they go through the process?), and as much of a bastard as Nissy is, he realizes this and isn’t a huge fan of it. Especially when the den members keep getting reborn, he knows that the leadership of this country is getting really insular, really quick, and its. Not Good. So I suppose this song’s about his relationship with his identity as a Den member, and his attempt to sort of break the cycle, and to actually like. Know and understand the rest of the country he’s been raised to fight and die for. 

7. Heirloom by Sleeping at Last

It is the consequence of living in between the weight of family and the pull of gravity / You are so much more than your father’s son, you are so much more than wars you’ve won

Building off the last song, this one digs deeper to his problems with his family on a more personal level. He and Leth are easily the babies of the den, and grew up feeling like the one un-dried out tub of play-doh at preschool. Everyone around them trying to mold them into some pleasing shape. 

Leth did great! She became a skilled dunemancer, and she’s got the wit and cleverness to make her an asset to any political negotiation. And Nissy’s sort of just floundering around, trying to find somewhere to stand that’s not in someone’s shadow - including his own. He doesn’t particularly like being an echo knight. Kinda fucked up that his entire profession is based on staring his wasted potential in the face. He wants to be more than his den, more than his knighthood, and this song’s a full on tribute to that. 

8. My Life by Billy Joel

I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life / Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone 

This song and the next one are basically there to describe Nissy’s breaking point at which he decided to leave home. This one’s more personal, his anger at his family and the way they constantly critiqued his every move, comparing him to his sister and his elders, asking why he refuses to measure up.

9. Not Gonna Take Me by BAILEN

You took my mother, you took my father, oh, but you’re not gonna take me

And this one’s more the anger he feels at the entire system. At the dens and the Luxon and the selectivism of consecution. He wants out (in principle. He’s still too much of a coward to walk out all by himself). I also like to think that the “she” in this song is Mavy. She certainly wasn’t the first or only person to cement in Nissy the idea that Kryn little fucked up maybe, but she was the one who convinced him to actually leave it behind.

10. Do What We Wanna Do by Zayde Wolf

We won’t stop now, we do what we wanna do, just like we wanted to

So this song fits more to Craving and Manic’s vibes, but I also think its trash music and neither of them deserve it, but Nissy himself is kinda trash so its ok for his playlist. Consider this the song that plays over the montage of him and Mavy running from the city and finding their way across the plains of Xhorhas to Uthodern.

11. Songs I Can’t Listen To by Neon Trees

And its all because of you, I’ve got a list of songs I can’t listen to / And it’s all because we’re through, I’ve got a list of songs I can’t listen to

Morgan sent me this and was like “its a breakup song but upbeat” and I vibed with it. It’s on here more because it slaps than because it’s extreme Nissy vibes. I do have it on here to mark his breakup with Mavy, and I do think that the focus being on the material things that are ruined for him because of memory, rather than like. Actually being sad. Is pretty accurate to how he’s handling being left.

12. Fight the Dragons from Big Fish OBC

So I fight the dragons, and I storm the castle, and I win a battle or two / Then comes the day, it’s time, I’m packing up and bringing all my stories home to you

This is a really sweet song about a dad trying to be a man his son can be proud of. And I’m fulling appropriating it to make it be a song about the grandiose lie that Nissy’s trying to put on when he does get home, where he’s gonna pretend that he was a totally valiant hero who killed a BUNCH of cool shit ALL BY HIMSELF so his family will be proud of him.

13. Grace Kelly by MIKA

I could be brown, I could be blue, I could violet sky / I could be hurtful, I could be purple, I could be anything you like / Gotta be green, gotta be mean, gotta be everything more / Why don’t you like me, why don’t you like me, walk out the door

MANDATORY MIKA KIN SONG! This was the first song I put on this playlist, actually. It perfectly sums up his vibes. Fairly righteous anger at not being loved without having to change everything about himself, but himself is simultaneously an absolute dipshit. 

[melodiouswhite]

Oh No, Emotions! Ch. 07

7. Training with the flame-headed Cassandra

Edwina came to the training room and warmed herself up for half an hour, just like her agreement with Luise had been.

First the mandatory stretching and breathing exercises, then she moved on to sit-ups and that stuff.

“Alright”, she muttered, “If I don't manage a hundred sit-ups, I'll go fucking bal-”

“Don't overdo it before your combat training”, a foreign female voice interrupted her.

Edwina shrieked in shock and whirled around.

In the door frame stood a red-haired woman, who couldn't be much older than her. She was tall, freckled and overall pretty damn attractive.

“Whoa, calm down! Sorry, didn't mean to startle ya!”, the newcomer cried, lifting her hands in appeasement.

“What the fuck?”, Edwina gasped and clutched her heart. “You couldn't have knocked or something?”

The redhead ignored the reproach and asked: “Are you Edwina Hyde? The new lodger?”

“Uh, yes?”, the brunette comfirmed cautiously.

The other woman grinned: “Awesome! I'm Alma Donovan, Luise's youngest sister! So good to finally meet someone remotely my age! And a girl too!”

Oh. So that woman was going to be her training partner today? And she was really related to Luise? She didn't look anything like – oh wait, she had the same ice-blue eyes.

“Wow, you look just like I pictured you!”, the red-haired woman

Edwina scoffed: “What, you pictured a 4,8ft short, slight brunette with acid green eyes?”

Alma grinned. “Believe it or not, yes!”

The brunette laughed: “Either you're joking or you're crazy.”

“The latter. But that's the lot for people like me. But enough talk! Let's start training! After all, that's what we're here for, huh?”

Edwina sure had a fun training session with the youngest sister of her landlady. The redhead didn't treat her with kit gloves and she liked that. And the taller woman was certainly skilled at street fighting.

“For someone who didn't practise much in the last two years, you're pretty good. You sure can hold your own.”

Edwina shrugged: “Well, I learned it pretty early. And you?”

“Learned from Aoimoku and a professional street fighter. Aoimoku trained me in martial arts, so I'm pretty good at that too. But the freedom of street fighting just suits me more.”

“What kind of martial arts?”, Edwina asked curiously.

Alma shrugged. “A variety of stuff. I forgot the names of all the arts.”

They sat down on a bench. “But enough of that! Tell me about yourself! How old are you? What's your full name? What way do you swing?”

Edwina frowned. They had just met! This was way too intrusive!

“You go first!”, she demanded.

Alma beamed, obviously all too happy to talk about herself.

“Okay, so my full name is Alma Alexandra Donovan, I just turned 19, I like knives, dancing and getting into bar fights, I hate guys who don't leave me or my girls alone, I'm a lesbian – what's the matter?”, she asked worriedly, when the small brunette's frown deepened.

“You're not going to flirt at me, are you?”, she asked worriedly.

Vigorously, Alma shook her head. “Of course not! You're pretty cute, but Luise told me why I shouldn't do that. Besides, I already have three girlfriends.”

Edwina stared at her. “Three girlfriends?!”, she repeated incredulously.

Alma grinned and nodded. “Damn right! I'm in a polyamorous relationship! They're the best girls in the world for even putting up with a maniac like me! But now it's your turn! Fess up!”

“… Fine. I'm Edwina Aloise Hyde – but don't call me Aloise or you can say goodbye to your knee-caps – I'm twenty, dunno which way I swing, I like this place (so far), I hate people in general, was a street rat for half of my life and spent two years in prison for manslaughter and some other stuff.”

“Only two years?”, Alma queried.

Edwina nodded. “Mild circumstances. I wasn't quite eighteen yet, the manslaughter was in self-defence, I turned myself in and confessed everything. Then I tried my best to behave in prison.”

The redhead nodded appreciatively. “Smart of you. All that stuff usually lessens the sentence.”

“I know”, the brunette replied, “I read about it at some point. They would have caught me anyway. I saw surveillance cameras all over the place where I killed that fucktard.”

“Bummer”, Alma muttered, “Why did you kill him anyway?”

“Tried to rape me.”

“Huh. Happened to me too. I just castrate those fuckers.”

Edwina looked at the taller girl. “Have you ever actually been raped?”

“Nah. Close, but I always was able to hold my own. Stuff like this is why Luise forced me to train. And you?”

“Countless times.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah.”

Alma sighed: “Well, if my mum was still alive, she'd probably sympathise with you.”

That made the brunette curious. “Why?”

The other ruffled her own flaming hair. “You probably know that Luise is only my half-sister. We have different mothers. Mine was a prostitute. So she'd probably understand you.”

A sharp, red-hot pain went through Edwina's chest, as if she was being struck by lightening.

“Did she love you?”, she asked quietly.

Alma blinked in surprise. “Of course she did! I still remember her sweet smiles, her lullabies, her warm, soft arms, her gentle voice, how she always smelt like coffee and dark chocolate and how she called me her little fairy. But when dad died, my older half-brother took all the money he left to mum and me and ran off, Devil knows where. That broke mum's heart and she died too. I was only seven at that time, so Luise took me in.”

Now Edwina was hurting even more.

She'd been abandoned right after birth. Her mother hadn't wanted her. And Edwina knew for certain that she had almost been aborted twice.

And this other mother, a prostitute no less, had cared so much for her children, that the betrayal of one had caused her to die of heartbreak?

“Hey! What's the matter? Why are you crying?”, Alma asked bewildered.

I … I'm crying?

“I'm not crying, you're crying!”, Edwina choked, trying to fight back the other tears that wanted out.

Alma muttered a curse, before wrapping her hands around the brunette.

Edwina hated this entire situation.

She hated body contact, hated that a girl one year her junior was seeing her cry, hated that her memories about her childhood had been brought up like this …

But everything hurt, it felt like she was falling apart, and she now she was left alone, she would-

Another two pairs of arms joined Alma's.

When Edwina looked up, she recognised Luise and Henry looking at her with great worry.

“Edwina, what's the matter?”, latter asked gently.

“What happened?”, Luise demanded to know, looking at Alma.

“I don't know”, Alma replied helplessly and stepped back, “I just talked about my mum and she started crying!”

“You idiot!”, Henry cried in outrage, “How could you assume that it wouldn't hurt her to hear that you don't have mother issues?!”

“I'm not an idiot!”, she snapped back. “Besides, she asked me if my mother loved me or not! Was I supposed to lie?!”

“Enough!”, Luise said sharply. “Henry, don't call my sister an idiot. She's not. But Alma, he does have a point. You shouldn't have brought your mother up. Now away with you two. I will not have my sister and my friend start a catfight right here and now. This situation needs a professional.”

Edwina felt Henry's large hand stroke her hair once more, before he let go reluctantly.

They both left and the brunette allowed the Lady's arms to encircle her fully.

It hurt Luise to hear the girl's anguished wailing and to feel her quaking in her arms.

Poor child … she deserved so much better.

“That's right”, she whispered, “You can cry. Let it all out. Shhhh …”

Edwina cried harder and buried her face in Luise's shoulder.

This went for about half an hour, before the brunette's sobbing finally quieted down and her trembling ceased.

“Feeling a bit better?”, the blonde asked kindly.

The young woman sniffed and nodded.

“Come on, sweetie”, Luise cooed and dried Edwina's face with her handkerchief. “Here, wipe your nose. You're a mess.”

“Thank you”, the brunette croaked and wiped her nose.

“Anytime, dear”, she replied gently and pat her shoulder.

They were of the same height. Luise enjoyed having someone in her house she didn't have to look up to.

“I still don't get why you're so nice to me”, Edwina mumbled.

Luise smiled. “Because you need someone to be kind to you. And because, despite all of your hardships, you somehow managed to keep your good heart.”

“It has never brought me good before”, the girl muttered bitterly.

“Well, now it does”, the blonde chuckled. “When I first met you – when you tried and failed to rob me-”

“Don't remind me!”, Edwina groaned, “That was, like, super embarrassing!”

“-I looked into your mind. I saw so much anger, grief and pain. But it took me only a second to dig deeper and there I saw the selflessness and kindness you buried under your protective, tough shell.”

“You think I'm a good person?”

The girl's voice was hoarse.

Luise nodded.

“No one has ever told me that before …”

“Well, then it's about time that someone did, isn't it?”, the blonde asked gently.

“What were your parents like?”, the brunette wanted to know?

Luise frowned. “Don't make me hurt you more than you already are.”

“… So they loved you.”

“Yes, but rarely showed it. They were mostly really strict and pushy.”

That wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the entire truth either. Her parents had shown their love through small, simple gestures, but outright tenderness had been nigh taboo (at least in front of others).

“I got the supernatural thing from my father. He was even stricter than my mother.”

“On a scale from one to ten?”

She snorted: “Ten. It was like growing up in an army barrack!”

The brunette looked at her with huge eyes. “You're exaggerating.”

“No, I'm not!”, Luise laughed. “If I didn't get up at point 5am, he would strut into my room with a bucket of ice-cold water. He'd bark at me to get up, then give me one more opportunity to do so, before I got soaked! Five more minutes? Not an option in my family!”

“Seriously?!”

“Yep. Bad grades were no option either.”

“So you had to excel in everything?”

“Yes. Problem is I suck at higher mathematics and art. My father didn't care about art, but my mother was so disappointed.”

Edwina frowned. “One can't be good at everything, that's stupid.”

“I know”, Luise agreed, “Completely stupid. But with a high position come high expectations. I wasn't raised like a fairy tale princess, wearing pretty dresses and jewellery, dancing and playing with golden balls all day. That's not how being an aristocrat works. Being famous is like walking on glass. You can afford only so many mistakes, before your reputation is ruined for good. And without a reputation to speak of, you're practically powerless.”

Edwina considered.

The older woman's explanation sounded perfectly logical.

It had never occurred to her, that there could be more to it. All she had seen were those rich people drive around in expensive cars, wear priceless designer clothes and go to fancy celebrations with dolled up, fake-looking models at their arms.

“Some people are like that, it's true”, the blonde confirmed distastefully. “I hate them. They're spoiled brats who think they can do whatever they want. But if they suddenly became poor, they would be completely unable to take care of themselves.”

Edwina scoffed.

The countess continued: “You became homeless at the age of ten, went through the worst things and you're still here. Most of my rich acquaintances wouldn't last a week in the streets of London.”

“True”, the brunette muttered, “But you know … sometimes, I used to meet people who weren't the scum of earth, before they became homeless. There was a group of elderly professors skulking around Covent Garden. Smart people from rich families and now they have no home and must beg for each penny to survive. And other people who worked hard and still have nothing.”

She teared up. “It's not fair!”

“I know”, the older woman said gently. “I don't think it's fair either.”

“But you're rich!”, Edwina cried out in frustration, “You live in the poshest area in London in a luxurious villa, you employ over several dozen servants.”

The therapist nodded patiently. “Yes, that's true. But trust me, I know the meaning of the word 'suffering'. I learned it the hard way. When I was ten, I was kidnapped and used as a labrat in an evil scientific facility. They wanted to research the hell out of my abilities. That was awful.”

Holy shit!

“Then it happened again, when I was seventeen.”

“Whaaat-”

How could her parents let that happen?!

Luise, obviously knowing what she was thinking, raised her hands. “It wasn't their fault. First time I was kidnapped, while playing in the garden with our dog. Second time on a Ladies' restroom in a shopping mall. Both times, where it was possible for them to keep an eye on me. My father got hysterically overprotective after the first kidnapping, but of course he couldn't follow me into the restroom. And my mother was dead at that point.”

Oh … yeah, that makes sense.

“Then I got another hard lesson on life, when I was eighteen. That one was my fault though.”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

That got Edwina curious. “What happened?”

The old woman laughed: “Well, I was extremely explosive after the second kidnapping and on top of that I was going through my bratty phase. My father tried to be easy on me, but at some point, he just got fed up with my attitude. So he decided I should get a big piece of humble pie and learn a lesson about life and the world at the same time.”

“After being kidnapped twice?!”

“Yeah. To his defence though, I was a sheltered child at that time and knew nothing about the life of poor people. He got fed up with my bitchiness towards everyone and dared me to last a month on the street, with no access to my bank account or credit card.”

Edwina snorted. “And you agreed to that?!”

“Being a hot-headed, inexperienced 18-year-old, yes. So he took my phone and credit cards and threw me out. That was legal, because I was an adult and he technically did no longer have to provide for me. Of course I quickly found out that, even with the help of my training and abilities, life on the street was super difficult. It was pretty mind-blowing to me, that I suddenly wasn't a privileged blue-blood anymore. Just another street rat with nowhere to go. No better than all the others.”

“Did you last a month?”, the brunette asked curiously.

Luise snorted. “Kinda. I came crawling back to dad after a week, but he refused to take me back, until he could be sure, that I had learned my lesson. It baffled me how hard street life really is. I wouldn't have made it through without help, but all these people had done it for months, years or even decades! They were the ones who helped me and I saw that they were no different from you or me or the others.”

The ex-convict grinned lopsidedly.

She knew nothing but misery, but it still wasn't hard to imagine how stunning it must have been for a spoiled, rich teenager to no longer be spoiled and rich.

Still though …

“And your father did nothing all the while?”

“Oh, he watched over me from afar. He thought I didn't notice, but I totally did (he was never good at being sneaky). If I had got into real danger, he would have interfered.”

The countess said that with such certainty, that Edwina couldn't decide, if she was relieved, envious or sad. That woman's parents might have been really crass, but they had loved her in their own crazy way …

“Let's no longer talk about that”, Luise cut her off gently. “Let's see if the other two are still arguing out there. Knowing them, they totally are.”

Edwina needed a moment to understand whom the blonde meant, but then she suppressed a giggle.

“They don't like each other that much, do they?”

“Oh, they get along just fine”, the other laughed, “They're just the kind of friends, who bicker at every opportunity.”

The young woman grinned. Oh yes, she knew that kind of people.

Just like Luise had predicted, Henry and Alma were still bickering like five-year-olds.

She rolled her eyes, before speaking to them: “Good grief, still at it? How old are you two again?”

They shut up immediately and turned to the two women.

Alma began: “Henry said that I never think before I speak, even though he himself-”

“Well, you said, that-”, Henry interrupted her, but then Luise interrupted him in return.

“Shush! I do not wish to hear any of your nonsense this early. We will talk about this later.”

She shook her head. “Really, you two are lucky I love you so much!”

“I know”, Alma chuckled, “We certainly are, Lulu.”

“What did I say about calling me Lulu?! For god's sake, Alma, I'm fifty years old!”

“Oh sorry, I forgot … Lulu!”

Luise threw her a mock-glare and Alma stuck out her tongue in return.

Henry turned to Edwina. “Are you feeling better?”, he asked gently.

The brunette nodded and smiled. “Yeah, much better.”

Then she turned back to Luise and Alma: “One thing I wanna know, though. You said you are sisters.”

“That's true”, they answered in unison.

“So, if Luise has paranormal abilities … do you too?”

Alma nodded. “Yup. Precognition. That means I can predict the future.”

“Sounds pretty cool”, Edwina stated.

The redhead shrugged. “It can be. Not always, though. A lot of my visions are unpleasant. Then there is another nasty catch.”

The brunette tilted her head. “A catch to an ability you were born with?”

“Yep. Almost no one believes my prophecies. They strike me at random and to other people it sounds like I'm rambling, when in fact I mean to warn them, give them advice or cheer them up. Just yesterday I told my oldest girlfriend to take an umbrella with her, because it was going to rain. But the sun was shining, so she didn't believe me. Needless to say, she was completely soaked, when she came home.”

She huffed in frustration. “Maybe I should become a weather forecaster. Perhaps more people would believe me then.”

Luise didn't need Alma's prophetic abilities to predict what would happen next.

“So … I don't know, if I will be an exception in that regard …”

“You won't”, Alma deadpanned.

The small brunette scratched her head awkwardly.

“Okay, still though. I know it sounds corny as fuck and you probably get that question from a lot of people, but …”

Luise threw her sister a warning glare, before she could interrupt again.

“… Will I ever find true love?”, Edwina asked shyly.

Alma laughed: “Yes, but I don't need to be a prophet to know that.”

“She's right”, Henry agreed, “You're a loveable person, Edwina. You will find someone who will treat you with the respect, affection and care you deserve.”

“I can only agree with the other two”, Luise confirmed with a smile.

The twenty-year-old blushed and sputtered like no tomorrow.

“Seriously though”, the redhead continued, capturing everyone's attention. “Your soulmates are just waiting for you to find them, even though they don't know it yet.”

“Several?”, the brunette echoed confusedly. “But who-”

“I can't tell you that”, Alma replied, “My visions aren't that clear. And like I said, they strike me at random.”

Should I tell her, who it is?

“No”, Luise responded telepathically.

Meanwhile Edwina was frowning at Alma. “I don't believe it”, she said simply. “No offence.”

“None taken”, the teenager relented graciously, “I knew you wouldn't.”

Sure enough, Edwina's thoughts were speaking for her statement: Several people loving someone like me?! Impossible! That's fucking ridiculous!

Luise shook her head. That young girl would need an ego boost once they were done here.

Finally, it was Henry who relieved the awkward atmosphere.

“Let's not stand here in the hallway like a bunch of idiots. I'm sure everyone has better things to do.”

“Like what?”, teased Luise, “Your husband and mine are at work, you're on your holidays, my first client won't be due until 2pm, Alma's date with her three graces won't be until noon – until then you should better freshen up, young lady! – and Edwina has no duties to attend to at all.”

“Uhm …”

“Let's train once more!”, Alma suggested eagerly, “Let's fight and kick the awkward out of each other!”

Edwina grinned. “That works for me!”

“Sure”, Luise consented, “Give me just a minute, I still have to wear that dress later.”

She dashed off and returned less than five minutes later in a judoka suit.

“Alright!”, she said with a shit-eating grin and cracked her knuckles, “I'm ready to kick your collective behinds!”

The other women grinned back. “Challenge accepted!”

Henry couldn't help but being a little intimidated by how belligerent the three were.

“Not mine, please”, he begged, “I'll be more than content with being a spectator.”

He might have been comparatively fit for his age, but he was a poor fighter. Not to mention how vicious Luise and Alma could get during their training, especially when they used weapons …

“What's the matter, Harry”, the latter taunted, “Are you chicken?”

That hurt his pride – he wasn't chicken! – but he kept his cool.

“ No, but I'm a doctor and a scientist, not a fighter. And I'd rather still be able to move later, thank you”, he retorted.

“At least do the warm-ups with me”, Luise compromised.

Henry considered. He knew he wouldn't get away with just sitting there, but some warm-ups wouldn't hurt. Hopefully.

“Fine.”

He quickly regretted it. Not only, because he had much more trouble than Luise in the exercises. He got distracted very quickly, when he looked up once to see what the two younger women were doing.

Edwina and Alma were practising street fighting and martial art techniques.

And god, were they good at it!

Both seemed to be in perfect control in their bodies. It was as if they were gliding through the air. Like two hummingbirds. Just with the intention of overpowering the other.

It didn't seem like fighting at all.

It seemed more like a dance.

“Henry, are you still with us?”

Luise's voice startled him back into reality.

“Huh? O-oh, yes, yes, I'm present! What's the matter?”

Luise was looking at him strangely. “You just sat there like an idiot and stared at the two girls over there. Their training really entrances you, doesn't it?”, she added teasingly.

Caught red-handed, the doctor blushed bright scarlet. “I … I … it just looks so …”

“So expressive? So raw and powerful?”

He nodded awkwardly.

“Well, I can't blame you”, Luise laughed and clapped her hands. “Girls! I'm good and ready! And you? Are you ready to lose?”, she teased.

“Hah!”, Alma cried, “If anyone loses, it's you old woman!”

She mock-gasped and clutched her heart. “Look at this audacity!”, she cried, “Such language towards her own sister! Oh, it's so on, you two!”

Luise started and quickly proved, that she hadn't lost her touch just yet. She needed less than ten minutes to overpower the two younger women.

And still she stood up and noted: “Hach, I have to practise more again, I'm out of shape!”

“Out of shape?”, Edwina echoed incredulously, “You defeated us like it was nothing!”

“Well, it was my advantage, that you two were already exhausted. And I do have the power of experience on my side. Besides, I just warmed up.”

She helped them up and turned to leave. “That was fun. But now we should shower, since-”

“Aw, but I want to do sword training! I haven't worked off all my energy for the morning just yet!”, Alma whined.

Luise rolled her eyes and whipped her smartphone out of her pocket.

Why does she have her smartphone in the pocket of her sport suit?, Henry wondered.

Then she dialled a number, said something in Japanese and put the phone back.

In suspiciously short time, a small Asian woman in a black kimono appeared. Aoimoku, the Japanese handmaid.

“Your little sister wants to sword fight”, Luise told her.

Aoimoku responded with a coy, innocent smile that could only mean one thing: she was ready to kick arse.

“Also”, Luise continued, “I don't think you've met my new lodger yet? Aoimoku, this is Edwina Hyde. Edwina, this is Kurogawa Aoimoku, my handmaid and second youngest half-sister.”

“Konnichiwa, Hyde-san*”, the Japanese greeted politely and bowed.

Henry mentally facepalmed. Couldn't that woman at least put some effort into greeting English people in their own language?!

Of course, Edwina was confused. “Uhh … hi?”

The Japanese's ice-blue eyes widened. “Ah! Gomennne** – I'm sorry! I don't notice when I speak Japanese sometimes! Hello, Miss Hyde! Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise”, the brunette finally answered awkwardly.

“Don't worry, Aoimoku is very nice and friendly-”, Luise assured her.

Henry sighed: “Isn't that a trademark attribute of Japanese people?”

The handmaid giggled, obviously flattered.

The noblewoman glared at him sharply. “I wasn't finished, you twat!”

“Sorry, sorry!”

“-But you should know that she has the ability to make herself invisible. And she likes to play pranks. They're harmless, though.”

Aoimoku laughed awkwardly, but didn't try to justify herself.

Edwina snorted: “You mean the “this house is haunted by a ghost” variety of pranks?”

“Pretty much”, Luise, Alma and Henry answered in unison and chortled.

“Don't laugh at my expense, while I'm still here!”, Aoimoku huffed. “I'll make you pay for this!”

Then she took on a professional expression and handed the keys to her mistress.

Luise thanked her and unlocked the other training room.

Edwina's heart made a leap, when she caught a glimpse of the training room she had seen two days before.

“Can I watch?”, she blurted out.

The other three women turned to her, blinking.

“I won't touch anything, promise! I just want to see how you do it! Pleeeeaase!”

She made the cutest puppy eyes she could muster. Because, come on! It was sword fighting! Like hell she would miss that!

Luise rolled her eyes, but she smiled. “Fine. I guess I can't stop you.”

“YAY!”, the brunette cheered and beamed at the others.

The four exchanged fond smiles, before entering the big training room.

It was just like Edwina remembered. Too bad she had to stay in the background, while the other three women unlocked the cabinets and each chose a sword.

The brunette wondered, if they always regarded the weapons with such fascination, before using them for combat.

But then they charged at each other and her mind was captivated.

She stood up to see more, but Henry put his hand on her shoulder.

“Stay back here”, he said, “Once they got the flow, they're absolutely vicious in their sword fighting. It's so brutal, you'd never guess that they're just training.”

Five minutes later it was apparent that he hadn't been joking.

Luise, Alma and Aoimoku were moving like flashes, the clashing of their swords the only noise in the room. Aside from their breathing and occasional battle cry of course. They didn't just use their swords. They fought with their entire bodies.

Edwina could hardly follow their faces, but they looked so fierce and concentrated, as if they were actually fighting a deadly foe. Every move seemed to be perfectly masterful, enough to make all those martial artists pale in comparison.

“Wow”, she marvelled.

Henry nodded. “Compelling, isn't it? Aoimoku stars in martial arts movies sometimes, but most of the time, she's Luise's handmaid.”

“Who has a handmaid in the 21st century?”, Edwina questioned.

“Well, what can I say?”, Luise piped up through the fight, “I'm extra like that.”

Then the small blonde backed away. “That's enough for today, girls! I suggest that we all freshen up. Thank you for your time, Aoi, you can go back downstairs. Alma, you can use my bathroom and go first. Hurry though, I want to take my shower before lunch. And where do you think you're going with that sword?”, Luise added sharply, when the redhead attempted to sneak away with her weapon. “I thought I said something about any of my weapons leaving this room.”

“Oh come oooooon, Luise!”, Alma whined.

But the German shook her head. “No.”

Aoimoku did the same.

Alma looked at Henry, but he just snorted: “Don't expect any support from me! I would never trust you with any weapon out of Luise's sight!”

“Spoilsport”, she grumbled, but put the sword back in the cabinet, where it belonged.

Edwina laughed.

Good to know that the Countess wasn't only apprehensive towards her, when it came to handling her weapons. That was fair.

---

*Konnichiwa, Hyde-san - Japanese: Hello, Ms. Hyde

**Gomennne - Japanese: I’m sorry

[kewltie]

a ‘what’s wrong with secretary kim?’ au where katsuki is the arrogant and tyrannical heir to a conglomerate and izuku is his capable and excellent secretary who is single handedly holding back his employees from starting an uprising and killing katsuki bc he’s a goddamn perfectionist bastard but now Izuku suddenly wants to quit and KATSUKI IS NOT HAVING IT :P.  

on the anniversary of izuku’s 10th year with the company, AND TEN YEAR WORKING AS KATSUKI’S SECRETARY, there’s a big wide company celebration for it despite the fact that there are ppl who had worked there longer and in more powerful position than a mere secretary to the president, but izuku is like THE IDOL of the entire company and there’s a HUGE reason for that :P. 

katsuki’s own this large business empire that date back to taisho period but it is mitsuki who truly shapes it to this powerful entity it is today. katsuki is the heir to this vast empire and he lives his life knowing what he has to do and how far he’ll have to go to reach it so he places an enormous amount expectation on himself just to live up to everyone view of him bc his mother is just so badass. this make him incredibly hard to work WITH and UNDER bc he’s set the bar so high and expect you not to leap but like skyrocket all the way to the fucking moon or something. he drives most of his employees insane with his perfectionism and micromanagement and like most president try to have some semblance of professional and distance b/t employer/emplyee status quo but katsuki breaks every rule by cursing daily and being a pain in their ass as he visits their floor to harassed them to get their work done in time. he’s very hands on and take no bullshit so if he doesn’t like something YOU WILL HEAR ALL ABOUT IT. this make the work enviroment extremely stressful and hectic for the employees but the one saving grace is THE AMAZING EMPLOYEE PACKAGE and IZUKU. 

so even though katsuki make it HARD to work under/with him, his company (surprisingly) tops the list of best place to work at every single year bc of how their great employees benefit. there’s 40% discount on all their products for their employees, they get paid leave for a week at every quarter, mandatory paid vacation time that last 2-3 weeks, great maternity benefits, amazing childcare service at the company which provide 24/7 childcare bc the company never sleep, employment/raised/and rise in rank is based on a merit system so the population pretty evenly 50/50 male & female, the paid is extremely good, they have zero tolerance for sexual harassment, great healthcare coverage and even have psychiatric department for burnout/stress/etc, and their cafeteria food is sooooo good that most fine dinning. so even though it is highly competitive and stressful place that place exceedingly high expectation and workload on their employees, they have very low turnover rate.  

that number can also be contributed to izuku bc izuku is the reason most of them don’t like murder katsuki out of rage and fear lol. izuku is beyond good at his job. he manages katsuki’s business and HIS LIFE and he does it with a friendly smile and a cheer. when katsuki order his employees to get this done in like today even though the workload is insane, izuku would bring them food and drinks, come into their office to check up on them, provide them keynotes on their project, run over their project with them, etc doing everything he can to assist them to get their work complete. he’s just so terrifyingly good at his job that everyone kinda joke how it would take a hundred people just to replace izuku bc izuku is pretty much the heart and soul of their company. katsuki may rule the company and dictate the direction of where they’ll go but izuku keeps everything running smoothly and get them there in time and in orderly fashion. 

and it’s not just that he’s good at his job but izuku is the buffer b/t them and katsuki bc he’s is one of the few that can stand toe to toe with katsuki and  LIVE. despite izuku always super friendly with everyone, he and katsuki often clash on how they see things and katsuki’s behavior which end in screaming matches sometimes lol. izuku is the peacekeeper and the negotiator between katsuki and JUST ABOUT EVERYONE. they know that rarely can they win katsuki over if they also don’t have izuku on their side too. EVEN HIS BUSINESS PARTNERS KNOW THAT bc everybody think this but nobody is willing to say it but izuku is prob the 2nd most powerful person in the entire company bc he got the ears of the president and though katsuki doesn’t hesitate to lash out at izuku, he always listen to what izuku got to say even as he reject them later lmao. he’s just really good with dealing with katsuki so many ppl defer to him whenever they have to report to katsuki bc izuku would keep him from like killing them when they don’t meet his crazy as fuck deadline/requirement/expectations. 

SO YEA when izuku’s 10th year anniversary come along everybody is excited to celebrate izuku’s milestone and the next decade onward bc izuku is a stable in the company and everyone expect him to be around years and years bc any other thought would be UNTHINKABLE. katsuki even generously offer to fulfill any of izuku’s wish since it’s also their 10th year anniversary of izuku becoming his secretary, WHICH is hilarious and sad but it’s the longer either of them ever had with anyone. but on the night just as katsuki is ready make izuku’s wish come true like a new condo, a new car, etc which are all ridiculous presents bc izuku already got an apartment and A FUNCTIONAL CAR but rich ass ppl don’t really know moderation bc on izuku’s 30th birthday katsuki bought an island under izuku’s name JUST BC HE CAN and also, “so you can run away to it whenever i piss you off,” and izuku didn’t talk to katsuki for an entire day LMAO. anyway so YES izuku’s 10th year wish which katsuki assume would be something boring and entirely TOO feasible like new book collections by his fav writer but NOPE. it’s... “I want to quit, sir,” and katsuki is so shocked by izuku’s sudden request that he lit have a meltdown at izuku’s 10th year party which is at the roof of their company building with thousands of ppl. he stopped  kicked everyone OUT just so he can properly yell at izuku bc WTFFFFFFFFF. 

the thing is despite the amount of them katsuki had fire izuku (which is number in the hundreds by now), izuku had never left the job. he is just as dedicate to the company as katsuki and not once ever complaint about his work. complain about katsuki’s tyrannical demands YES but never the company or the people he work with bc HE LOVES IT. so this??? IS SO OUT OF THE LEFT FIELD THAT KATSUKI freaks out!!!!!! izuku has been with katsuki for soooooooooo long that katsuki took izuku’s constant presence as forever bc who else gets him the way izuku does?? it took him years to trained izuku to his expectation it’s going to take ages for him to train another person to replace izuku and just thinking about it MAKE HIM SO ANGRY BC DOES IZUKU KNOW HOW MUCH KATSUKI INVESTED IN IZUKU AND NOW HE’S JUST GOING TO WALK AWAY FROM IT ALL FOR NOTHING????

except izuku does have a reason and it’s his happiness. for ten years izuku dedicate his life to the company and katsuki. he does everything for them even putting his love life secondary and now that’s he’s into his 30s he realize how much life has passed him by. izuku wants to get fall in love and get marry. he wants to find his own happiness outside the company and katsuki and KATSUKI IS SO FUCKING CONFUSED AND LIVID. apparently, izuku was having his annual psych evals and talk with their psychologist and it made him reaize what he has been missing and he’d finally reach that point where he decided instead of putting others before him like he’d always did now it’s his turn to put himself first so yes HE’S QUITTING.

so katsuki storm onto the psych floor to yell at the company psychologist that they got on retainers for the employees (to deal with stress/ family issues/mental health etc but also mainly as a place to vent about work and HOW MUCH THEY WANT TO PUNCH KATSUKI IN THE THROAT) and demand to know what the fuck SHE HAD IZUKU INTO bc izuku would never thought to leave him if she didn’t put all that stupid nonsense in his head. she simply raises a brow and calmly ask katsuki to sit down to talk it over instead of yelling at her. 

as soon as katsuki sits down she tells him, “it’s doctor-patient confidentiality, so i can not discuss what passed between me and midoriya-san,” and katsuki is one second from flipping her coffee table over but she continues unfazed, “but as he had explained to you, mirdoriya-san have always put others before him and rarely think of his own future but now he’s determine o chase his own happiness.” 

and katsuki just shouts, “BUT I AM HIS HAPPINESS!!” 

he stops. she looks at him evenly. he stares at her in horror. she smiles. and he knows he’d fallen into her trap because FUCK. 

katsuki had been in love twice in his life and they were longstanding relationships but they never pass 3 years bc of work. OR SO HE THINKS. his work always come first and he goes into his relationship letting his partner know how important his work is to him and that they may be second place but that’s just the way it is. only two of the people he met and fell for accepted that part of him and when they do break up it’s bc katsuki didn’t put them first which katsuki is like??? BUT I TOLD YOU THAT ALREADY but at that time he didn’t get it. now with startlingly clarity, he realizes what they meant that they were okay with coming second to work but not coming second to IZUKU. katsuki had canceled dates and anniversaries bc of overseas meetings and last mins work but izuku is the only one he literally ditched a very important business meeting all the way in paris and flew back to japan bc he heard izuku got into an accident even though izuku insisted he was okay AND THAT HE ONLY GOT A CONCUSSION GEEZ KACCHAN PLS GO BACK. katsuki live his entire life w/o restrained but izuku is the one to make him willing to compromise and meet ppl in the middle. he never felt the lacking in wealth, respect, talent, and love bc he got it all. wealth from his family’s fortune, respect from the people around, talent from himself, and then love is from izuku. 

their relation actualy gooooooooooo waaaaaaaaaay back. even before izuku started to work as katsuki’s secretary. few know of this but izuku’s mother work as housekeeper for katsuki’s family and izuku grew up alongside katsuki as his playmate. from the time katsuki was in diapers izuku was with him every step. izuku attended same elementary school, jr. high, high school, and even same college with katsuki. they literally been together all their life. everyone always assume that izuku only make it through such prestioug school bc of his connection with katsuki and that is sort of true bc mitsuki paid it all for izuku to attend bc she adores inko & izuku but that just mean izuku have to endure all the hate and jealousy thrown his way. he was burden by the fact that he was close to katsuki and that ppl think he’s a leech so izuku work extremely hard to be able to stand beside katsuki, to prove to everyone that he isn’t useless and that he can help katsuki. even when they got to same elite college, izuku refused mitsuki offer to pay his way in but did his best to win a scholarship just so he can be at the same school as katsuki bc for all katsuki’s mercurial temper, katsuki never rely on his talent to get him there but he pushed himself there. he admires katsuki deeply and wishes to stand on even ground with him so that one day he can help katsuki as he rises to the top. that’s his only dream. EXCEPT izuku never got to fulfill it bc in the middle of izuku second year, he suddenly dropped out bc his mom fell sick and inko & izuku who had always rely on the generosity of katsuki’s family decide the family had done enough for them so izuku left school midway to take care of his mother, disappearing from katsuki’s life completely. 

katsuki literally went on a bender and his grades that semester suffered for it. in the end he pulled himself back together with the help of really great friends and katsuki swore he’ll never let anyone effect him like that again. his work & goals come first, everything else is secondary. that’s what he tell himself anyway but izuku always been the exception to every rule he’d made for himself. 

it won’t be years until they meet again, when katsuki start as an executive position in the company and izuku comes to him as a new hire, looking to work right under katsuki. katsuki put IZUKU THROUGH THE RINGER AND PUSHED HIM MORE THAN ANY OTHER that everyone is convinced katsuki got it out for izuku but just smile and prevailed every obstacle that katsuki throw at him bc even more the stress of the workload, more than hours he spent up late at night getting it done, more than his own peace of mind, izuku want to work with katsuki again. WANTS TO BE WITH HIM so he keep on trying, keep on pushing himself to get it done. and he did. he does. 

katsuki ofc found out why izuku disappear but he never ask why izuku chose to come back to him bc in the end the answer has always been in izuku’s smile. he had chased katsuki from their childhood and all the way into their college years and even though he was gone for several years, now he was back to chased after katsuki again. to choose out of all the company he can work for, HE PICKED THIS ONE, it said all he need to say. their life have been bound to each other from the start so yea katsuki never realize he’s in love with izuku bc there’s no aha moment, no light bulb moment bc izuku have always been there chasing after him and katsuki can always look over his shoulder and find izuku right there as sure as gravity bc how can he fall in love when he’s been standing on solid ground the entire time and izuku is the foundation of his everything. 

now that he realize he’s going to lose izuku, the floor beneath him starts to crack and he realizes it’s his turn to give chase. HE DOES THE ONLY THING HE KNOWS HOW: propose to izuku LMAO. look, now that katsuki realizes that he has been in love with izuku all along so why the fuck should they date bc they’re practically been married for ten years on the job and have been running this fucking company together with their millions of kids. he can’t imagine running this company without izuku’s constant presence at his side dispensing advice and carrying out his orders to the absolute best of his ability. LIKE, everyone joke how izuku is katsuki’s wrangler but no izuku nickname in the company is the guillotine bc izuku is katsuki’s sword. when katsuki tell izuku to do something, he get SHIT DONE no matter what and izuku is sweet on everyone but the moment someone do something to mess with katsuki, izuku is a force to be reckon with. so yea these two alone themselves are terrifying but together they’re MONSTERS and they wont stop till they take you for everything. 

so how can izuku wants to break that partnership up bc they’re sooo amazing together?? esp when katsuki can make izuku a hundred times more happy than anyone else. AND THEY DON’T NEED TO DATE WITH SO MUCH HISTORY B/T THEM. katsuki just want to get marry already bc he never half ass anything and marriage is most acceptable step for them even though it’s just a formality at this point bc he’s practically married to izuku already if not in reality but in their heart. 

they literally broke all the rules/boundaries of employer/employee relationship bc they have keys to each other home, more than one time katsuki’s SO mention dating katsuki is like dating katsuki and IZUKU bc of how much izuku is involve not just his business but his life as well, and they’re so bound to each other that izuku (who actually dated a lot but they’re short live fling bc they can’t handle his job and him always prioritizing katsuki first) and katsuki never have a relationship last longer than their three decades with each other. they’re practically it for each other. now katsuki just need izuku to see it. 

so yea he propose bc that’s just make sense (lmao). and izuku is like :||| NO THANKS bc izuku just assume it’s just another delayed tactic bc katsuki THAT DUMBASS is like ‘”if you quit the morale of this company will go down to a point where im sure they will revolt soon enough so marry me before that happen”. he wanted to say, “ME AND THIS COMPANY WOULD BURN TO THE GROUND W/O YOU THERE SO PLS MARRY US” but it sound like it’s all for the company and izuku is tired SO TIRED of doing everything just for the company and katsuki. he just want to do something for himself for once but katsuki wont let up and convinced izuku to go along with engagement for like 3 months bc if izuku is looking for love & Happy ENDING than katsuki will give it to him. who else can give him all that if not katsuki??? 

izuku is JUST SO TIRED but he decided to humor katsuki so katsuki can get off his back and let him leave. he never expected that katsuki make such concerted effort to woo him for real lol. 

ofc their engagement causes a huge uproar among the employees which were already having a meltdown earlier bc they had heard about izuku wanting to quit and the number of people heading toward the psychiatrist floor was more than the last three years COMBINED bc the thought of losing the lone person who can keep katsuki from verbally murdering them all is panic inducing. 

their engagement doesn’t really change anything in the status of their work relationship. katsuki continues to yell at people and izuku continues to play buffer but occasionally katsuki will slides his hand across Izuku’s own and they just touch fleetingly but it burns enough that izuku can’t stop thinking about it all day. it’s like suddenly every nerve cells in izuku’s body is awake and alive and they’re just realizing how much KATSUKI BOTHERS HIM. WHICH IS A LOT. like izuku already spent so much time with katsuki so he never notice it before but now everything feels purposeful and intimate in a way like a veil is removed over his head. it’s always been there but he just never see it before bc sometimes it’s hard to know what you’re looking for when you’re LITERALLY STARING RIGHT AT IT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. 

the slow seduction of izuku is HILARIOUS AND TROUBLING BC THEY DONT DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT YET EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT WHICH MADE IZUKU REALIZE ALL ALONG THEY ARE WORST THAN MARRIED BUT LIKE SOULMATES LOL. katsuki bringing izuku as his plus one to events is the same as when he brought izuku there as his secretary; izuku eating dinner with katsuki’s family as his fiance is like how he did like A COUPLE WEEKS AGO; izuku and katsuki spending time together doing work, doing grocery shopping (bc that’s a thing you apparenlty do with your secretary???), doing movies, etc is all NORMAL AND THE SAME but now there’s an undercurrent of something else, something bigger than izuku is afraid to name. 

but izuku still think katsuki only keep this charade bc katsuki need izuku here so he would do anything to izuku. but actually katsuki doesn’t actually need izuku. he can MANAGE WITHOUT HIM. it won’t be easy but he can do it. he’s bakugou katsuki after all but... he doesn’t want to. he may not need izuku and there may be other options out there but he will always chooses izuku in the end. it’s just the way it is. 

i just imagine a lot of drama IN DUE PART TO BEING ASIAN DRAMAS and misunderstanding before their 3 months is up and izuku realizing what exactly katsuki meant AND THEY’RE TOGETHER TOGETHER but they’re getting there :P. Slowly but yea!!

[ussfriendship]

The Other F Word

Betaed by the wonderful @clintobarto & J.

For @mandatoryfunday

Mandatory Fun Day 03/22/19 prompt: St. Patrick’s Day

I have no idea, friend’s, but I had fun. 

==

“Ok, enjoy your shitty green beer. Be careful, and remember: if you need anything or get stuck somewhere or something isn’t right- “ “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Kate cuts him off. “Call you if I get into trouble. Got it. Thanks, DAD. Bye!” With that, she gives him a quick peck on the cheek and is out the door. Clint leans his forehead against the closed door, closes his eyes, and lets out a long, slow sigh. Kate is a good kid. She is more than capable of taking care of herself, and as her mentor and trainer, Clint knows this better than anyone. Knowing that isn’t really helping him, right now, though. This is new and different and… wait, had she called him “Dad?” Before he has too much time to think about it, he feels Bucky walk up behind him, strong arms wrapping around his waist to pull him close. Bucky nuzzles against his neck before giving him a soft kiss. “She’ll be fine, you know, but if you’re really worried about it we can go out and just happen to run into her.” Clint laughs little before turning around in Bucky’s arms to look at him. What Bucky was offering was huge, he knew, and he appreciated it so much. St. Patrick’s Day wasn’t the sort of thing either of them was even remotely interested in. While Bucky wasn’t anywhere near the broken amnesiac who was terrified of his own shadow that he had been when he first came in from the cold, he wasn’t exactly comfortable with noisy crowds, especially not when they were drunk and rowdy. Clint, for his part, just had absolutely no tolerance for drunks, his father having ruined drinking for him long before he would have been old enough to experience it firsthand. Besides, he trusted Kate. He did. Really. It was the rest of the world he wasn’t sure about. “No,” Clint kissed him and started to pull away. “No, but thank you for offering. Let’s just stick to our pizza and Netflix plan. You sort out food, I’m going to go change into my jams.” Bucky tugged him back and kissed him soundly. “You’re lucky I love you, because a grown man calling his pajamas ‘his jams’ is the goofiest shit I’ve ever heard.” The smile he got in return was nothing short of beaming.

“Yeah, I really am.” He shoots Bucky a mock scowl. “And screw, you, Barnes. Jams is awesome hip slang, you just don’t know it because you’re old and out of touch.” He turned away laughing and headed upstairs towards their bedroom. When he came down, clad in his absolutely ridiculous Winter Soldier jams, Bucky was just hanging up the phone. “Hey, pizza should be here in half an hour or so,” Bucky held his hand out to Clint, who took it and let himself be led to the couch, “so let’s hold off starting a show, and you can tell me what’s weighing you down.” Denying anything was wrong was the first thing that came to Clint’s mind, but that thought faded almost as quickly as it came. They’ve been together for four years and know each other entirely too well for that to fly, and it would just make things worse. He settled down on the couch and tucked himself into Bucky’s side to try and buy some time before he sighed and gave in. “Look, I know how capable she is. I do. I know how good she is, Buck. So very, very good. That’s kinda the problem though, innit? She’s never done anything like this before. Sure, she’s 22, but she’s spent her life up to this point busting her ass at school or practicing cello, or, in the last couple of years, training.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I know what nights like this are about. Some of it is my own shit, sure, I fucking hate drunk assholes and I need to get over it, even if it is kinda justified, but I know there are more fights and more accidents and more…” he gulped, “more date roofied drinks and assaults.” He turned his head to smile weakly up at Bucky, who had started softly stroking his side. Bucky knew he had to pick his words carefully; this was very thin ice over very deep water, and the last thing he wanted to dismiss Clint’s concern, but he didn’t want to make him worry more, either. “Well,” he started slowly, evenly, “all that is true. But! She is out with a group of people – the Young Avengers, no less! Most of them are some flavor of super powered, even – which is an added layer of protection, and even if it is new to her, she has a good head on her shoulders. You know that. You’ve taught her well.” “She called me ‘dad’,” Clint offered, not sure if it was a rebuttal or not. “Yeah,” Bucky snorted a laugh, “but I could hear her eyes roll as she said it, and I think there is a puddle from all the sarcasm that dripped off of it.” Clint sat up straight and turned himself on the couch, so he was facing Bucky. “Right. I mean, I know absolutely nothing about families. Mine was a clusterfuck from the get go, which is part of why I hate this fuckin’ holiday so much, but I… I don’t know.” Clint was floundering. “Fuck. I don’t know. I don’t want my warnings and shit to just make her more reckless or something. I know I’m not her dad, fuck, me as a dad is a horrible idea, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about her.” “Ok, Clint, this is, honestly? I have no idea what this is. I do know that she is exactly as used to being stopped at the door and being given warnings as you are at giving them. Sure, it’s been a long time since I’ve dealt with this, but I can remember a couple of times Becca sounding almost exactly like that over the same kinda thing. Her dismissal, your worry - Clint, sure you ain’t her father, but you’ve had her longer than you’ve had me, and you’re the closest thing to a Dad she’s ever had. That’s how she became your apprentice and then your ward, right?” “Fuck you, Barnes.” Clint replies, but there was no heat to it. It was a dodge, but Bucky wasn’t sure what he was dodging. “Mmm. Maybe later. You know I’m right. You’re going to sit here and worry until she gets back, and then you are going to hold her hair while she throws up a few hours worth of green beer, and then in the morning you are going to sing loudly and obnoxiously as you make her breakfast.’ Bucky stopped, head tilting towards the door. “Now, pizza’s here. Let’s eat.” They eventually decided on watching the Umbrella Academy. Clint had heard good things, and it seemed right up Bucky’s ally, and they both knew they were going to be up until Kate got back. They made it through half the show – damn it was good – before they heard the unmistakable sound of a key being scraped along a doorknob. Bucky grinned at Clint. “You’re up. Dad.” Clint flipped him the bird as he made his way to the door. He opened it to find an incredibly drunk Kate on the other side, clinging tightly to her friend America but somehow still listing dangerously to the left. “Heya, Katie-Kate. Have fun?” Kate opened her mouth to reply, but all that came out was a comically long belch that was followed by uncontrollable giggles. “Hi, Clint.” America sounded soberish, and vaguely annoyed. “She puked all the way home. She’s your problem now,” she finished, giving Kate an unceremonious shove towards Clint. “You aren’t staying, too?” “Nah. Teddy’s waiting for me downstairs in an Uber. Have fun with that,” she nodded towards Kate and turned on her heel and, the only way Clint could describe it, fled down the stairs. Trying to maneuver a drunk Kate was what he imagined trying to nail jello to a tree would be like, but Bucky saved him by wrapping his arm around her other side and walking her towards her room. “OH MY GOD, GUYS I HAD” Kate was cut off by her own hiccup, which seemed to surprise her, “rude. I HAD THE BEST TIME HOLY-“ and then she started to retch. They got her to bathroom just in time. Clint dutifully held her hair away from her face while Bucky went to retrieve a glass of water. They stayed with her until she seemed done, then they walked her to the guest room and helped her take off her shoes and get into bed, still fully clothed and with an old ice cream bucket next to the bed. As they closed the door to her room Clint looked up at Bucky. “Yes, yes. I know. Spare me the I told you so.” Bucky just smiled and held his hand out to Clint. “Fine. Let’s go to bed, sweetheart.”

[chrismerle]

OKAY NOW IT’S DONE time for my thoughts, the least spoiler-y part of all my rambling

gameplay: A +. seriously, there are not a lot of games where I’ll contemplate going back once the story is done solely because they’re fun to play. for this one? I will probably wind up playing it more tomorrow just to keep filling in the map and doing side quests. combat is smooth and easy to pull off even when it requires multiple buttons. web-swinging is possibly the best game mechanic I’ve ever experienced. like, I don’t like flight or gliding in games, but I very willingly spent this whole damn game playing The Floor Is Lava until putting my boots on the ground was mandatory. it was good enough that I only used fast travel twice, and one of those times was required by the game tutorial (the other time was because Spidey on the subway is funny as hell). granted, I do still have my complaints. maybe I was just doing it wrong (I was probably doing it wrong), but dodging felt a bit wonky. for a lot of higher tier baddies and bosses, they attacked in volleys, so if you didn’t hammer on the dodge button until your thumb fell off then you were going to take two or three hits or more even if you dodged the initial strike. at higher difficulties, Spidey’s really only got three or four hits in him. also landing could be a bit of an ordeal. I can’t count the amount of times I vaulted straight over a roof I was supposed to land on, back and forth, several times. luckily, you were incapable of accidentally launching yourself to your death, as even jumping off of skyscrapers just resulted in Spidey doing a tuck-and-roll and bouncing to his feet on the ground below. and I wasn’t a huge fan of the stealth mechanics. don’t get me wrong, I loved MJ and Miles, but I’m generally more of a fan of very fast-paced gameplay, and the stealth sections were very slow.

boss fights: on the whole I liked them, but they weren’t perfect. most of them were some variation of ‘do this, kick in face, dodge, repeat half a dozen times, you win.’ it got a little old. especially since, for most of them, the pattern was ‘run/swing/dodge in circles, web up enemy, kick them in the face, retreat, repeat.’ still, it’s a minor complaint. Shocker escaped the pattern. Electro and Vulture were both in an area conducive to swinging the whole time, which made it more exciting. and while Scorpion followed the pattern, Rhino definitely did not, and having to keep an eye on both of them and their methods of defeat kept it interesting. unfortunately, while fighting Mister Negative on the train was entertaining, his later fight felt a bit generic. and the first stage of Doc Ock’s fight was yet another round of ‘run in circles, web, kick, retreat,’ with an added periodic AoE attack that was super annoying and the loss of the ability to customize how you fight. the second stage makes up for it, though, but I’m always a sucker for an overly emotional slug-fest.

interface: not much to say here. it looks clean. it’s pretty well organized. there’s a lot of variation in how you can do things. it’s pretty intuitive, when it comes to upgrading. the map is functional. it’s nothing groundbreaking, but it does its job well and won’t make you rip your hair out.

visuals: the animation was beautiful. fluid. natural. filled with detail and care. the settings were great. for the most part, the people looked great but, and I’m still not letting this go, for whatever reason damn near every character model had eyes too big for their faces. I was legitimately glad that most of the cast wore masks because the ET eyes were genuinely creepy. like, if it had been a stylistic choice, sure, but eyes aside the people were basically photo-realistic. and anytime a photograph showed up, it looked super uncanny. but really, those are basically my only gripes about the visuals. as an added bonus, whatever suit you wear shows wear-and-tear when Spidey gets the shit kicked out of him, which is a nice, unexpected touch.

story/writing: I am so glad this was not another Spidey origin. I have seen too much of the Spidey origin. you have seen too much of the Spidey origin. we have all seen too much of the Spidey origin. I’m not even giving the MCU a pass here: we didn’t see Holland Peter get bit, but he was in every other way a stumbling newbie. so the fact that he’s already been Spidey for 8 years at the start of the game? I am all for it. and I’m glad it was its own thing. it didn’t try to ape the comics. it’s attempting to be its own universe, rather than trying to retell the movies or 616, and it’s compelling as hell to boot in the creative liberties its taken. the dialogue is spot on. this has become my quintessential Peter Parker. you spend the vast majority of the game with him, and you will love him by the end. he’s an endearing wise-ass with a guilt complex the size of Manhattan, and if you are prone to feelings of ‘I like to watch my faves suffer’ or if you enjoy feeling like you want to wrap a character in a blanket, then Pete has got you covered. and while the side villains are a bit neglected, the main villains are definitely not. you know they’re doing bad things, but you can see the twisted logic in it. you can follow the paths their thoughts took to get them where they are, and you can realize that in a twisted way, it all makes sense. and it’s a little chilling. and there were just...so many small moments that made it great. Spidey teaching Miles how to throw a punch, Pete damn near crying when Aunt May gives him money after he gets evicted, the way everyone staying at the homeless shelter is so familiar with Pete so you know he volunteers there a lot, the way civilians react when Spidey’s close by. the world feels just lived in enough to make you care. even the characters who don’t have much to them are still enjoyable. a lot of the villains that show up don’t have much to them. I’ll be upfront about that. they show up. they snark. they fight. they get their asses kicked. but the ways they interact with each other and the details you find in the background still manage to make them compelling. I think it all works well together whether you’re new to the Spidey mythos or not. if this is your first exposure to Spidey, then parts of it may genuinely shock you, and I want you to have that experience. if you already have some idea of the Spidey story, then you get this pit in your stomach as you realize certain things that are going to happen later and then hope to god they don’t. as an admitted nerd, I was very much in camp ‘oh please no.’ but still, it managed to pleasantly surprise me. the writers knew what they were doing. there were aspects I was geared up to complain about--the argument Pete and MJ have for a good portion of the middle of the story, foremost among them--because in the hands of any hack, they would be unbearable Hallmark-esque cliches, and...they weren’t. instead of having some ungodly Third Act Misunderstanding, things I ordinarily would have taken issue with got addressed in ways that made sense. the wind got taken out of my sails on a few occasions, and I was happy for it to happen. my only real gripe is small, and it’s that we don’t really know what happened to Mister Negative. like, did he die? did he get sent back to prison? did they just leave him on the floor? what happened there?

voice acting: someone give Yuri Lowenthal a medal, he was fucking spectacular you see what i did there? eh? eh? but really, every voice was great. Pete was the joking wise-ass who cares too much for his own good that we all love. Otto was the right amount of long-sufferingly paternal. May was an authority figure you wanted to listen to while simultaneously wanting to shake her. Miles was an endearing puppy. MJ was...also kind of a puppy, but a more excited one. JJJ was JJJ. no one’s performance was grating. no one was phoning it in.

aaaand...yeah. I think that covers all of it. I had a good time. maybe I’ll even buy the DLC.

[teenageangstpaidoffwell-blog]

April 2019-June2019

If you ever feel like you can’t do something or feel powerless in a situation, look back and remember every thing you had to deal with the past three months.:

-Loss of full time employee (I guess she was mad they wouldn’t give her the raise she didn’t deserve but asked for anyway...) so we hired one person to replace. 

-Loss of part time employee. Hired a new associate. She told us she was giving Aldo her two week notice. She texted me the morning of her first day (FIRST DAY!) and called off. Never heard from her again after I texted her back. Had to scramble to hire another person and worked 6 days a week through the entire month of April. Worked 180 hours but was paid for 160 hours. 

-Had two people complain about me to my DM. Said I was spending too much time in the back and didn’t seem motivated. Oh, excuse me, I’m only doing EVERYTHING to make the store run BY MYSELF. 

-Loss of another full time employee. He complained about me to corporate because of a miscommunication involving overtime pay. We ended up firing his ass, thank god. Unfortunately it led to me working more. 

-Hired and trained 4 new people. Had no access to hire them through the system. Called help desk probably 50 times over the course of two months to get them hired. It was so annoying and super complicated. 

-Posted 3 different ads on Indeed to get people hired. Called countless people to schedule interviews. Conducted about 30-40 interviews over the course of two months to find people. 

-All the Monday stuff- email, boards, schedule, switching monthly box, creating monthly schedule, creating monthly sales goals, updating goals in the system, AOP, completing touchbases for everyone, keeping everyone motivated, training 4 fucking people, ALL BY MYSELF

-Oversaw new lighting being installed - constant phone calls, had to reschedule them to come back in and re-position the lights.

-Printer stopped working for a week. We had to turn it off and turn it back on each time we wanted to print something (at least 10 times a day). Had to order and schedule someone to come out and install the new printer. 

-Floorset execution- we did 4 floorsets in the month of May. I completed 2 almost by myself. 

-One floorset was due on a Monday, we had a visit from our regional on Tuesday. I worked a 12 hour day to finish the floorset. I lost my cool and ended up crying in front of DM and RM because I was so OVERWHELMED. She was nice about it but it was super embarrassing. I then had to stay and take floorset photos after they left. Hauling out a huge ladder while store was open and taking photos a specific way. 

-AC stopped working and we were without it for 4 days. Constant complaints from employees and had to do a floorset in a hot store. 

-Sinks were clogged, scheduled someone to come fix.

-Rugs are torn, picked up gorilla glue.

-ISP computer stopped working one day. Spent the day on the phone with help desk to get it working again. 

-Camera monitor stopped working right. Scheduled maintenance for someone to come repair it. He says he has to wait and get it approved through corporate.

-Idiot customer issues.

-Had to write up an associate already after he’s been there one month because he has already been tardy three times. He also called off Mother’s Day weekend which was mandatory (gave me a doctor’s note that looked like it was in his handwriting) and thinks that I can’t see through his bullshit lies. 

-Rushed out of bed today because another new person sucks. She called off because her boyfriend’s car got towed and had no way to work. I was supposed to be off today, but had to rush in and work the morning for her. 

I am so done. I need a vacation, 5 straight days of sleep, and all the wine. 

June 24th can’t some soon enough. (Welcome back, Sarah, aren’t you so glad to be here?) :P

edit:

June 10, 2019

Just when I thought I was on easy street, the universe decided I hadn’t had enough. Today Ben called and quit over the phone. Oh, and did I mention that the new girl we hired did two no call no shows last week? Super cool. 

SO. Now I get to work 47 hours this week with unpaid overtime and 12 days in a row. I seriously hope karma hits him hard. I hope karma gets every single asshole that left and every single asshole (well only one) that makes me feel like it’s pulling teeth to get them to cover a fucking shift. If I didn’t enjoy the job, I would have left already. We shall see how the next few months go and if it’s not good, then I’m looking elsewhere. I’ve dealt with more shit than what most people can handle. 

[ladyyatexel]

I don't want to diminish any of the good stuff coming out of the "no parent" train but if I was suddenly Edgar's parent and found out what they went through, I would want to feed all his friends and him, like "Do you want Spaghetti? Have you ever had spaghetti, I will feed you guys so much spaghetti and we can have smores for dessert- you ever have smores?- I'm gonna feed you smores. Do any of you need socks? I mean not for dinner- just- in general. Good lord in heaven."

Edgar has inherited being the mom friend from his non-existent mom. 

The writing in that thing just has everyone so overwhelmed.  Edgar doesn’t know what to do with parents, parents don’t know what to do with Edgar who vanished at ten and is now an adult and living in a house with  partner and having adventures with music and Satan, Johnny’s immediate feeling is that they are supernatural creatures in some way and after being upset that Edgar invited them in when they come to the door, offers to run them through with a fire poker.   It’s this whirlwind of ‘oh god what is happening’ for everyone.   Edgar’s parents want him to come back to their world and Edgar is tempted by the idea of having the kind of family he sees on TV, but it’s not his world anymore, and bringing Johnny there would be taking Johnny out of his world, so he has to send them away.  There was some reason they couldn’t stay, and Johnny was relieved they couldn’t, because he didn’t want them looming over everything.  Though he would have liked the spaghetti.  

ALTHOUGH, there is also the ‘Other Edgar and Johnny’ story out there.  Which used to get a lot of talk and such Back In The Day.  I wrote like 100 pages of it, it’s still on many hardrives.  And that was started based on a dream I had in like 2008 and it was just the approximate SWAN pair, but with actual families, and visible, and having to actually attend classes and all that shit.  It was what should have happened to them in a competent reincarnation-ish scenario.  They met in an art class that Edgar had been reluctantly put into as a mandatory elective and that Johnny had on his schedule twice or something.  

Johnny’s life was still Fucking Terrible, but Edgar was an only child of very good parents.   His dad was a super enjoyable guy, I loved doing stuff with him.   Johnny called them Mr and Mrs V.    I want to say they were Cheryl and Miguel?  They are the most quality parents I think I’ve ever produced in anything.  But Johnny’s family makes up for how good Mr and Mrs V were, hahaha

Johnny had a nebulous number of screaming younger sisters and a mother who had a bad mental episode and kidnapped him from his dad’s parents’ custody when she and said dad had him when they were teenagers?  There are question marks because this thing got huge quickly and it was never put up anywhere, it was just something I’d share with select people, but there were doodles and things that went up and I’ve honestly been thinking about that universe a lot the last two weeks for some reason.    But yeah, Johnny’s family life is extremely unpleasant and neglectful if not outright abusive.   Edgar’s family is baffling and weird to him.  And he’s baffling and weird to Edgar’s family when Edgar drags him home so they can do some science group project together.   Kid is wearing like four shirts, carrying two bags, and has koolaid in his hair. 

There was some deep, deep investment in this version of the world for a long time.  

[mixtapespoilers]

Pretty Bad Ideas

This is actually an old one with a bit of updating. Way back when I worked at tiny, doomed Powerhead Games, I organized a mixed CD swap for the office. There was a list of rules - some where mandatory, the others you had to pick three from to follow - and you had three names to give a copy of your mix to. It was a fun thing that only happened one other time. This was the twilight of CDs, after all, and while people were largely game to burn stuff to disc if you provided said discs, there were still those that didn’t understand why they couldn’t just dump shit in a folder and load it to our internal server.

Not everybody gets that some things are made special by their limitations.

Anyway, this was my entry. I didn’t set out to have a theme, but after the first few tracks were more or less locked in to place, one became pretty obvious. Pretty much all the songs are about things you maybe shouldn’t have done, maybe shouldn’t do, or maybe shouldn’t be doing. On top of that, a lot of them are about doing those things anyway, and living with what happens next. Or not, in some cases.

So, yeah: Pretty Bad Ideas.

Pulp - ‘Babies’

You can’t make this sort of mix and not invite Pulp along. ‘Babies’ is off His ‘N’ Hers, the band’s proper leap into the brit-pop movement. Cocker’s smooth, smoky confessional of a man recalling how he learned about sex from listening to it through a bedroom door is Pulp at their Pulp-iest: being where you’re not supposed to be, innocently blundering into the wider world, being wrong but so sincerely wrong, it’s like a bingo card for the band. There’s an innocence to many of the fuck-ups Pulp sets to song, a kind of doomed inevitability that can’t help but look bad to anyone on the outside. And let’s not forget that video, either.

Squeeze - ‘Vicky Verky’

I’m a huge sucker for storytelling songs in the vein of Squeeze  and Elvis Costello, and ‘Vicky Verky’ manages to squeeze like eight years of a young couple’s life into just over three minutes that never let up from pace set at the start. It’s a sweet song that could have gone any number of ways, ending on an optimistic note that most of the songs here never quite get to.

Elvis Costello & the Attractions - ‘You Little Fool’

Speaking of Costello. ‘You Little Fool’ is every kid that grew up with parents who saw them as strangers, who had to learn how to act and fall in love from pop songs and movies. It reminds me of all the stuff I just had to sort of figure out growing up, like shaving, which resulted in a half-inch scar just above my chin that stuck around for about eight years or so. It reminds me of my first serious girlfriend, and how very Real and Important that was from the inside. More than any of that, though, it reminds me of blasting this song at 2:30am in Alt.Coffee at Patrick after closing up for the night as a way of pressuring him into a no-strings hook-up with some cute girl that was in to him for whatever reason. Abuse? Absolutely. But from a place of love.

The Long Blondes - ‘Once and Never Again’

One of a handful of songs representing the Long Blondes at their purest, ‘Once and Never Again’ is chock-full of helpful advice from an older woman to a younger one, all delivered with a creeping, escalating sense that something’s off. By the time it gets there and all the cards are on the table, it feels almost inevitable. Turns out yes, a lot of the people looking to help you are just trying to fuck you.

The White Stripes - ‘My Doorbell’

A call to action in the form of a messy, timeless-sounding blues song. When you gonna make your move? Think about it while I throw this piano and drum set down several flights of stairs.

Ani Difranco - ‘Gravel’

It’s a good and helpful thing to recognize toxic people in your life. It is a less good, less healthy thing to then get on the back of their motorcycle and drive off into the sunset. But then, Ani hasn’t exactly made a career out of songs about being highly sensible and responsible, so.

Bob Dylan - ‘One of Us Must Know (Sooner or Later)’

I love the perspective shifts, how the narrator comes to see how drastically different things look from the other side. I love the way the piano builds and plummets in the chorus, like it’s trying to break of the record itself and go whipping around the room. I love the slow realization of how bad things have gotten so quickly. I love this song.

Ryan Adams - ‘Come Pick Me Up’

Early Ryan Adams is the best Ryan Adams, and ‘Come Pick Me Up’ is the best of the lot. He sounds so goddamn tired, like he’s trying to coax the last bit of life out of a broken cigarette found in the couch cushions. I’m a sucker for songs about doomed romances and the glints of hope that cling to the edges, and the one here breaks the mode. Neither person is perfect. Neither person is happy. Neither person has any business being with the other. There’s so much hurt, but no real blame, just longing. The worst of then was better than right now.

The Rolling Stones - ‘Under My Thumb’

One of the best songs about being a completely fucking awful person ever, and kind of the poster child for this whole mix.

Los Campesinos! - ‘My Year in Lists’

Pop perfection in a minute and fifty seconds. Gareth and the band weave in and around each other without colliding in disaster or missing a step, packing every inch of the song with clever exhaustion and regretful frustration. Probably my favorite Los Camps! song and the best example of weaponized indie pop I can imagine.

The Beach Boys - ‘I Was Made to Love Her’

A ray of sunlight in the middle of everything, because why not? This is actually a cover of a Stevie Wonder song, which is good, but far too constrained by comparison. Brian Wilson throws his voice around like a blunt instrument in a way he rarely got to, and it elevates the whole thing into something special and warm that fills whatever room its playing in. Years after making this mix, this would be the first song danced to at my wedding, picked by me at almost the last minute. Probably a lesson that should have been learned then and there, now that I think about it.

The Indelicates - ‘Sixteen’

Yay, back to cynicism! Every line the Indelicates put to paper is sharpened to a razor edge and dripping with venom - the album this is off in particular is less a collection of songs and more of an uninvited guest showing you his favorite cutting implements against your will. Never are those knives sharper than when they turn them inward.

The Futureheads - ‘Radio Heart’

No, YOU’RE an idiot who can’t walk down the street or flip through Spotify’s algorithmic playlists without developing a half-dozen tiny crushes. Idiot.

Blur - ‘The Universal’

Damon Albarn is capable of taking the most optimistic lines (”Yes, it really, really, really could happen”) and twisting them in to hollow shells of their former selves. ‘The Universal’ sounds like a poisoned promise, a temptation to pull you off the path and make everything right again if you’ll just...let them...go.

The Walkmen - ‘Thinking of a Dream I had’

So much snarling, so much sad. The image painted here is all too familiar - leaning against the subway wall at two in the morning, sobering up against my better judgment, waiting for the train to take me home. There are songs that sound like closing time, like pouring out into the streets with your friends after last call into the streets at night. This is a song for after they’ve gone.

The Kills - ‘What New York Used to Be’

The Kills never fail to sound, to me at least, like that super tempting next drink that’s going to tip you over from having a good time to blazing a path of self-destruction through the rest of the night. ‘What New York Used to Be’ is a montage of quick cuts, wide crowd shots  and close ups on couples arguing at the bar. It’s angry and it doesn’t know why.

Mike Doughty - ‘Rising Sign’

And we end on a hopeful note, not surprisingly. Even fuck ups with a weakness for bad ideas manage a happy ending, sometimes.

[travelforone-blog]

Slagelse

#ckringenisforthechildren

Date Location Discipline, club Result 2017-04-01 Slagelse, Denmark Landevej, CK Ringen 21/28 and about 15 dropped

Pre pre race

Waw, it's been a while since cross ... I went to Tenerife after last cross race, you know, because everyone has to go to Canary islands to cycle, right? RIGHT? Fuck that shit, one night we got so drunk we lost a friend, he never made it home, we assumed he was dead ... I guess that's what happens if 5 shots cost 5 EUR AND you get a bottle of shit champaigne on the top ... #carbloading? So ... experiencd looking for a corpse with a massive hangover in weird piss smelling corridors under bars in party alleys. He was ok, he went to an afterparty with Norwegians. Fucking Norwegians ... Never planned to touch a bike that week, would probably punch it after .... also, beer costed 1 EUR. Ah yes, I was pretty fed up with bikes by that point, I counted 15 cross races and 13 road races from last season ... I should probably write a retrospective post ... By the looks of it I spend ... 28 days racing and ... at least twice that amount training, AT LEAST ... so ... FML ... wait, I have no life ... UGHHHH Come January I hooked up with a coach and this new super system called xert which has numbers and graphs and these projected values and shit and I started training again ... Indoors, in front of a fan ... soooo muuuuuch fun I like having a coach, I lack the discipline to be my own coach ... Ola, you the MAN! So January, February, Marchuary was a combination of 3 - 5 - 5 - 1, XSS here, XSS there ... What this means is: 3-5x hard session per week, rest, contemplate dying, train, rest, can one die from exhaustion, train, hate life, train, hate bike, train, recover, cook, eat, cook, eat, eat, WHERE IS MY CHOCOLATE??? Let's buy some chips ... I will totally start eating healthy when the season starts ... repeat Nothing new ... So I spend ... way more than 30 hours training in jan, feb and march ... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ In the meantime we shot a promo video for a company to earn some money for the kids in the club. See screen grab above ... we had fun ... At some point I get a VO2max and lactate threshold test, best numbers ever. I was in a shit mood tho, work got in the way that day, it got in my head, IN MY HEAD ... But then I also started riding outside, like ... well, - 130km with my cross bike in rain with dry chain lube (now THAT was funny) - 120km and 100km with my road bike - 1x lågtempo intervallen with klubben - 1x shitty attempt at solo intervals that resulted in my knee hurting and me feeling like shit for 2 days Ah yes, my knee started hurting on my bike, I guess the saddle went to shit ... Get paycheck, buy licenses (plural, this shit is real yo!), sign up for Slagelse, let the tension rise ... Shave legs, best 2 hours of the week ... Contemplate cutting hair, but after a comment from Glenn: 'Dude, I am losing mine, so you are definitelly keeping yours, I encourage long hair' I decide to keep it ... Stop by Musette and SLAM THAT STEM (thanks guys, you're the best) Avoid alcohol whole week, yeah right, stress at work, meet deadlines, amazing, have 2 beers on Thursday, friday night ... well, I had a hof after 3 alkoholfree beers, let's leave it at that ... Wait, are we doing the whole alcohol thing again this year? FUCK ...

Pre-race

Play this and read on ...

Yodh by מזמור

Samling klubben kl. 8, ahhh, the little perks of racing in C Jonte shows up all wet, got cought by rain cycling form Lund #hardcore We take a trashcan full of cans and a bag of cement out of the van and off we go, TO DENMARK! Arrive at location, wait in line to pickup numbers, Jonte is shaking because he's cold, I take my jacket and cover him His parents observing: Aaaaawwwwwww, rigtig bra vannër ... situation almost gets emotional for a second Observe some TreBerg pros just chillin on their expensive bikes, observe some other pros chill on some other expensive bikes ... fuck me I am poor .... ehhhh Marcus is coming by in D so we go and watch, the mandatory D break passes, mhm, he did not make it ... peloton comes by, he's in there HEJA MARCUS KÖR HARD ... Me and Jonte: he looks tired ... yes, he does, he was sick whole week ... how was his training this winter? ... Well, not so good ... ah, he's a student, right, so just partying and shit, girls, booze? ... Haha, no, does not drink or party at all ... WTF? ... Yeah, he just plays videogames ... Ehhhhhh Get to van, grab bike, try to register, system says I am a Junior, some dudes laugh at that, me too, hahahaha det ikke dig? neeej, det var ikke mig ... HAHAHA ... fuck me I'm old ... Eventually, things get sorted out ... Notice the registration trailer is made by Adria, #ifeelslovenia Also notice the bed inside has a sticker that says: MAX 70kg ... well, that's kinda pointless ... Warmup, lineup for start, observe Jonte has no arm warmers ... take off arm warmers ... observe Jonte has no gloves ... take off gloves ... Jonte's dad: wanna take off the shirt too? Nah, forgot to shave chest ... Observe a random Swedish cyclist from ... Jönköpings Cykelklubb ... Observe the Sagan look and the lack of interest in marshall talking ... All photos by: Tim R. Larsen

Plan

Plan before today: exchange in chasing down attacks, stay in front, don't attack unless it gets really booring Plan today: Jonte - I'm just gonna chill for the first 2 laps, me: DEATH BEFORE DNF, AARGGGHHHHHH, you're kidding Jonte, right?

Race

We start, I stay up front, good job Miha There is this huge ABC dude who is like all over the place, looking back, talking loud ... jerk, I hope you get dropped After first couple of rolling hills we enter into a big road and KANTVIND YES, I WAITED ALL FUCKING WINTER FOR THIS BRING IT OOOONN!!!!1! booom, attack, couple of riders go, I am in front of peloton, normal pace, waiting for Jonte to launch behind ... nope Pace picks up, I wait ... nope EVERYONE SPRINTING FUUUUUUUCK Chase, chase, chase ... ok, we're goood, contact regained Right turn, again, pace picks up, as we hit the first smaller climb attack, uphill, kantvid Left turn, kantvind, downhill, attacks keep coming, we're chasing, I am chasing for my fucking life here ... Jonte? Nope ... Random Swedish dude goes, for like 2 seconds ... Big road, kantvind, new break of 3 is like 15s ahead, I lead the pack, try to chase ... I tire myself out chasing and then everyone starts springintg again AGAIN ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? ... well, it was painful but I got back in pack, in the back Oh, there's Jonte ... (later, the xert graphs show it was like really painful, like, lines were crossing and shit ... amazing) Final climb - kantvind, attack again UUUGHHH Start-finish straight, kantvind, attacks again ... Lap 1 done Internal evaluation of the situation: This is gonna hurt ... Lap 2 mellows down a bit, but it's still fucking crazy in kantvind Big road, we're all over the place, avoind oncoming traffic by like 2cm just to have that wheel RANDOM RANT: Hey douchebag driver, I wonder if you would be so fucking brave enforcing your right of way against an oncoming truck in your lane. Or a tank. Or a plane ... Yeah?!? ... I thought so ... fucking arrogant cunt, fuck you ... I mean there is this downhill section with kantvind, we're going all out, really ALL OUT just to keep the wheel of the guy in front ... Insane ... Jettison an empty bottle just after the finishline #feelingpro Lap 2 done Notice Random Swedish dude is dropped, so is large ABC loudmouth ... haha Internal reevaluation of the situation: Well, actually, this is manageable ... ASS CRAMP FML At some point there is an attack and Jonte joins GO JONTE ... but we all accelerate, so they're caught Lap 3 is fun, we actually form a chasing group up front, we're 5-6 cyclist chasing a group of 3 that made it at some point I even shout a bit since people stop working after a right turn Mmmm, shouting at people ... By the end of lap 3 just before the climb noone wants to really pull, so ... little break, we're looking at eachother ... NOTE: last climb is a small road, so it's important how one is positioned, so about 2km to that intersection all hell breaks loose when people want to get into right position There we are, just looking at eachother ... and BOOOM, people start going, all over the place, chasing here, there ... I do a bit of too much effort, shoft to the wrong side in the wind ... Try to catch a wheel but everyone is zooming by, no gaps, no nothing 20 like riders pass me FUUUUUCK Chasing, chasing, chasing ... ok, contact Last climb, finish straight fast pace ... I'm dead ... I definitelly burned my last match there Internal reevaFUCK THIS SHIT, FUCKING WIN IT OR DIE Death metal song plays in head ... Last lap Plan - keep things under control, stay up front, whatever happens, stay up front ... It hurts, but I stay up front I slide back a bit on the big open road and BAM, CRASH, BIKES FLYING AND THERE IS A RED TREK COMING MY WAY IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII OK, AVOIDED Aftermath ... chase, chase, chase ... Internal thought: Maybe the DIE methafor was too much? Close every gap, EVERY FUCKING GAP Enter last climb, good position, all good, let's see if we can get the final attack in LEG CRAMPS I guess not ... Ease the pace, nicely get to the finish with another dropped dude

Post race

Get to the van, change, barely walk Buy a chocolate milk, cake and water with money I won at a cross race #feelingpro Look for bottle in grass, no bottle, it's gone ... Get in van, get home Foam roll, eat, have 2 beers, watch a documentary titled 'The Swedish theory of love', sleep

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY