#abuse essentialism and scapegoating

[dyspunktional-leviathan]

Ah, fuck it. Repost.

There are abusers in every community.

There are abusers in every community you’re in.

All ideas get used for grooming.

As well as a lot of other things. Literally everything can and does get used for grooming.

No community is special or uniquely dangerous in that regard.

Pro-fiction community is not special and uniquely dangerous in that regard.

Kink community is not special and uniquely dangerous in that regard.

Para communities are not special and uniquely dangerous in that regard.

[Plaintext: Para communities are not special and uniquely dangerous in that regard]

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I (22 NB) didn't tell my friend's (23M) girlfriends that my friend was cheating on them? I'll refer to my friend as William. William and I use to be in a large friend group for a year until trouble started with his two partners and my boyfriend. William's girlfriends had a lot of control over the group, acting as self-appointed leaders really. They also seemed to dislike my partner also, scapegoating their own mistakes on him. Enough fighting between them and my boyfriend inspired my partner, several other friends, and myself to leave the group entirely. However, knowing that William wasn't really involved in the drama and was being cutoff because of correlation with his girlfriends didn't feel right altogether. So we kept in contact with him. This was fine and great even for a good while, until I got a drunk call one day from Will. He must've still been really tipsy because he had admitted to hooking up with men and women aside from his girlfriends at the club and bar. When I asked how his girlfriends felt about that, I expected him to say something about them knowing at the very least. Instead, it was like he was just realizing he was cheating on them. I can't say I know how polyamorous relationships work since I recognize I am monoamorous, but one thing I feel that I have learned is that communication is essential. What he did is something I would consider lying to his partners, if not cheating. He clearly hadn't told them anything and the relationship is long distance so it's possible he could get away with it. For weeks to months after his drunk confession, he continued expressing how he hated the relationship and I could see how it was unhealthy and borderline abusive. I strongly urged he break up with them. I must have pushed him too hard because he eventually opted for the complete opposite, not telling them anything and staying together. I know I messed up pushing him to do something that was his choice, but I can't help but feel torn between it. I don't like his girlfriends, admittedly, but isn't it wrong to withhold this information and not tell them if I know? Or is it more selfish for them to find out so they can just break up?

A part of me thinks it's not my responsibility to be the one to tell them, but I just don't know the right course of action or if I'm being the good or bad guy here by letting karma run its course. SO TUMBLR! WIBTA if I kept this secret from them?

What are these acronyms?

[tam--lin]

as a person who grew up entrenched in ‘90s/aughts conservative xtianity, trying to explain that the recent anti-trans laws in the US are not just about transness

but are about scapegoating abusers in Evangelical communities

which bolsters the Evangelical extremist parental rights* movement

which is essential to the platform because they are absolutely dedicated to having as many babies as possible and indoctrinating them for as long as possible and you can’t do that if children are people and women** are more than vessels for birthing

it just makes me feel a little rabid, is all.

*but only if you’re a white, middle-class Evangelical

**obviously I am aware that people who aren’t women can give birth, using their language here

[danse--macabre]

1,2,6 for tav companions!

1 & 2 I have completed here: [link]

6. Do they have any secrets that can be revealed? What are the prerequisites for this secret coming to light?

Oh, what isn't a secret. Here's a list of nine major story secrets:

Act 1 - you discover Tirazel's father is the head of a crime syndicate in Baldur's Gate known for Nasty Things (you will either intuit, using insight, or later discover that these include people smuggling to and from the Hells) + has Zentarim ties, and has been given noble titles within the past ~30 years despite this being an open secret.

Act 1 - you also discover that her father is currently critically ill, on the brink of death, after one of Tirazel's brothers - let's call him D - attempts to intercept her to inform her of this near Wakeem's Rest / The Zentarim hideout. This is obviously leading to a lot of turmoil in the criminal underworld as there is a succession crisis going on - D seeks her out to gain support. D & Tirazel were once very close, even if D is, by Tirazel's own admission, 'a bit of a cunning bastard'.

Late Act 1/Early Act 2 - it turns out the reason Tirazel's father is on the brink of death in the first place is because Tirazel attempted to kill him, via some long distance complex necromantic ritual that would have been near-impossible to trace to her.

Act 2 - you discover another of Tirazel's siblings on your travels, a person called E. E differs from Tirazel's siblings A, B, C & D, in that E was particularly scapegoated by her father for perceived weakness, and was essentially forced to run for their life. The fact that Tirazel's parents were heavily abusive is highly implied but made explicit at this moment. Tirazel's younger than E, was turned against him as everyone else was, was told E was weak, an example of What Not To Do, and Tirazel has not entirely confronted the… violence of what happened to E. It's a very tense reunion.

Act 2 - you discover that Tirazel's father made a pact with a Devil (not Raphael) that, amongst other things, will prevent his death as long as those of his blood are alive. Motherfucker.

Act 3 - you discover that Tirazel, in her teens, ran away from home with a rogue and a schemer and charlatan who lured noblewomen into helping him, of which she was just another mark. She was groomed and spent two to three years as a gang member, using her connections and her self-taught magic skills to help her boyfriend rise up the ranks.

Act 3 - You meet X, who was Tirazel's ex-boyfriend's boss, and later… Tirazel's sort-of ex-girlfriend. X is a powerful warlock with mysterious powers and relentless ambition who lives entirely under the radar, and was how Tirazel was able to avoid detection from her father for 2-3 years. X groomed Tirazel as well, sought her attention for 'her talents', located secret texts for her to study, helped her thrive in the gang. After a time, X convinced Tirazel to help her frame her boyfriend and take his place - he had been manipulating Tirazel, he was unwrothy of her, mediocre compared to him. This framing went wrong, led to A Fate Worse Than Death. Tirazel had a breakdown not long after this happened. During Act 3, you meet X - who is still alive - and she is a potential ally during Tirazel's final quest (if you want a bad ending, ally with X, she's baaaaaaad news).

Act 3 - you discover after her breakdown, Tirazel was basically put under house arrest for three years by her father. There's a whole section where you can go through her old rooms, which are highly magically disguised, and contain hidden stairs to a labyrinth (her own making, in a little pocket dimension pulled from between the floorboards), lots of hidden ritual circles with dried blood (her own), and… a very large doll collection (they're just dolls. they're actually not haunted, she just collected lots of dolls when she wasn't well, has a lot of old affection for them mixed in with memories of pain.)

Act 3 - quest spoilers! Tirazel's sibling D - the one she really likes, D? the one who she would probably have sided with, because fuck it, it's all awful, better the devil you know? turns out! he's actually working for the Absolute :) and was hiding it :) motherfucker! :)

I think those are most of the major secrets. Unless you're including the fact that despite the goth impressions, Tirazel actually Really Likes Flowers, is allergic to beetroot, her favourite colour is pink despite only wearing shades of blue with silver/gold detailing.

[josiebelladonna]

“our families can either make or break us.

They can inspire, support, and uplift us. Indeed, our families can be a second womb, hearth, or safe space in which we grow and transform. On the other hand, they can demoralize, oppress, and smother us. Depending on where you are on the family spectrum, you’ll be a relatively well-adjusted individual or a person plagued with problems.

Our experience of ‘family’ forms a large part of the foundation of our self-worth, feelings of belonging, and psychological/emotional well-being as adults.

[…]

The “black sheep of the family” is a term that refers to a family member who is considered peculiar, strange, unconventional, eccentric, or not aligned with the family’s persona and values. Sometimes “black sheep” has strong negative connotations as it can be used to refer to a person who is considered a “misfit,” criminal, addict, or overall troublemaker.”

(i was never considered a troublemaker, but i do get this feeling that they think of me as a criminal and an addict—even though the worst drug i’ve ever done is aspirin and i literally hate the taste of alcohol)

[…]

On top of being considered weird, black sheep are often scapegoated and blamed for the majority of a family’s problems. This tendency to scapegoat is known in psychology as the “Identified Patient.“

The “Identified Patient” or IP, was a term that emerged in the 1950s to describe the actions of sick and dysfunctional families and their tendency to assign one person in the family as a scapegoat to their problems.

Essentially, the Identified Patient is said to be a way that families avoid their own internal pain, disappointments, and struggles, by pointing the finger at another family member as the cause for all the problems they experience.

If you were the Identified Patient in your family, you were most likely chosen as the “trouble maker” or “problem child” due to your status within the family (e.g., young, naive and abusable, or older, headstrong and threatening), or your differing Soul Age and personality, which drew attention to your contrasting likes, tastes, and habits. Naturally, these qualities placed a big bullseye on your head and were used against you throughout your life. (!!!!!!!)

Symptoms that you were chosen as the Identified Patient of your family include the following:

Your parents were more strict with you than they were with your other siblings (my mom, not really, but i remember my dad treated me very differently from my brother and i don’t think gender has to do with it. although my parents didn’t give me the proper send-off to college like they did with my brother, like i remember his going off to school was an all-day affair. me? i moved away to college alone. i had the help of my aunt, but it wasn’t this all-day thing, though. my dad dropped me off at the train station and i went up to oregon by myself, two weeks after my grandmother’s and my uncle’s houses nearly burned down, two months after my brother and sis-in-law basically dismissed the trauma i felt with my parents splitting, and four months after my parents split)

Your mistakes were blown out of proportion and/or punished disproportionately (to the point i’m almost shell shocked; all you people who approach me with “sorry to bother you” can stuff your sorries in a sack, tbh)

You always carried the feeling that you “didn’t fit in” with your family, and you didn’t develop strong connections with them (to the point it almost feels like they all hate(d) me)

You were mocked, ridiculed, and/or made fun of on a constant basis (not a day would go by when i wouldn’t hear “we’re just joking! where’s your sense of humor?”)

Your family seemed intent on making you feel “deficient” and as though you were always fundamentally lacking (especially from my extended family, and especially the case after my grandpa passed)

Whenever you got stronger, more confident, or happier, your family seemed intent on bringing you down and/or convincing you that you weren’t getting any better (or they would compare me to my cousin in some way. also, look no further than my baking: my chocolate cake? barely impressed. my rye bread? my dad’s literal reaction was “what about it”. absolutely no right to tell me i need to “exude confidence” for anything after that.)

You developed mental and/or emotional disorders, and/or substance abuse problems as a result of being scapegoated and overburdened (anxiety, depression, and anorexia, any questions?)

Your family didn’t show any interest in who you really were as a person (none. whatsoever. they all seem to believe that “what you see is what you get” with me when that’s complete bullshit. a few years back, my dad once told me that he wants me “to grow” all because i don’t have a steady income when i’m searching for something better than that… no, you want me to be what you want me to be)

You were criticized, completely ignored, and/or emotionally manipulated if you rebelled in any way (without fail)

It’s important to note that families who assign scapegoats or Identified Patients often go to great measures to keep the member of the family they’ve unconsciously chosen that way, otherwise, they are forced to face their own inadequacies. 

So if you’re stuck in a pull-tug relationship with your family where they treat you like crap, but cry and mope when you back away, this is why.

If you’re still wondering whether you’re the black sheep of the family, let’s zoom in even more. Pay attention to the following signs – how many can you relate to?

You are blamed for most of your family’s issues (whether directly or indirectly) (definitely indirectly, like no one ever said it but i could sense it)

You feel like most of your family members completely misunderstand you (two words: fall 2015. i still can’t get a word in without it being blown out of proportion)

You’re left out of the loop on your family’s news (AND HOW! i never know what the hell’s going on until well after the fact)

You’re not invited to gatherings, celebrations, etc. (and how)

You don’t have much in common with any of your family members in terms of likes, tastes, and preferences (i’m an artist who’s into sci-fi, fantasy, horror, erotica, and cartoons, i like heavy metal and dark music, i like weirder music, i like to bake, i like meteorology, i like learning new languages for the fun of it; i’m a sporty tomboy who’s into stuff like baseball, swimming, and archery; i’m dramatic, i’m passionate, i’m sensual, i’m romantic; the people whom i find attractive would make these people shit themselves…)

You struggle to emotionally or mentally connect with your family members (again, fall 2015. i said i just wanted to spend some time away to think about life for a bit. i still don’t understand how this translated to “i’m in trouble with everything”. nor do i understand the verbal abuse i sustained when i tried to clarify it all)

You’re made fun of, belittled, shamed, or bullied (either directly or indirectly) (all of these things, both directly and indirectly)

You often feel like you’re adopted or were raised in the wrong family (i remember thinking this as young as 5 years old, like “am i adopted?”)

You’re a contrarian or eccentric individualist by nature (i.e., you know who you are and what you stand for) (if the fact that i can’t get anywhere in life is anything to go by, i definitely am)

The pain of being rejected, scorned, and even flat-out disowned cuts deep to the core. 

As a person who is the black sheep of my birth family, I know how terribly lonely being a black sheep is. All of the following wounds I’ve personally experienced and learned to deal with throughout time. 

Here are the main mental and emotional wounds you may develop/experience:

You feel alone in life (yes)

You struggle to relate to other people (yes…)

It’s extremely difficult to trust people in relationships, friendships, work situations, etc. (fffff, yes)

Trusting yourself and your instincts is hard, so you often feel lost(and without an inner compass) (i’m in the bermuda triangle and if i look down, i’ll drown)

Emotional commitment is scary and triggering (it’s terrifying, tbh)

You carry big and oppressive core beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” and “There’s something wrong with me“ (constantly :( )

Deep down, you feel that if someone truly got to know you, they wouldn’t like you anymore (i feel this way all the time)

You feel fundamentally unlovable (…this, too)

You’re either overly dependent on your friends for emotional validation or you prefer to go solo and bypass friendship altogether (as a loner) (the green druidess has got another thing coming)

Social anxiety is a regular issue you battle (for reeeeeeeal…)

Your life feels like one big existential crisis (yeah, i can’t stand these fucking bloggers who are like “I’m constantly having a midlife crisis!” like stfu, you don’t know what you’re talking about)

You grapple with depressive and/or addictive tendencies (addictive personality but i’m this side of a teetotaler, though)

This list isn’t exhaustive, but I hope I’ve painted a clear picture. 

Being the black sheep of the family ain’t no ‘walk in the park.’ It’s traumatizing and destabilizing. But you’re certainly not alone, and this experience isn’t a curse, it’s a pathway.

Certainly, it’s crucial that we come to terms with how traumatizing being the black sheep is – we need to mourn this fact.

But I also want to offer a unique perspective on being the black sheep of the family. 

It’s a tremendously important pathway to spiritual transformation.

Why?

When we are rejected by our birth family, we are given a gift many others in life aren’t: the doorway to unfettered freedom. While others who are embraced by their families still need to play by certain rules, black sheep have the chance to walk their own paths.

While accepted-family-members might benefit from being validated, they also tend to be trapped in limiting roles that make it difficult for authentic Soul growth and expression to occur.

Black sheep, on the other hand, have a clean slate. The doorway to trailblazing their own destiny is open, they aren’t held back by other’s opinions because the judgment has already been made: they are rejects, oddballs, and outsiders.

Sure, there are cases of perfect families who lovingly uphold the dreams and aspirations of their members. But these instances are the exception, not the rule. The truth is that most families are dysfunctional – they are products of our wider fragmented society. And thus, they tend to have a stifling effect on one’s spiritual path and evolution.

As a black sheep, you are gifted with the chance to do some authentic soul searching, free from the suffocating confines of your family’s expectations and desires. You have already been cast in the role of Distaste and Disappointment. There’s not much else your birth family can do to harm you – the wound has already been inflicted. Now, your job is to break free and find your true meaning in life.”

—lonerwolf

[djuvlipen]

On Tuesday, scuffles broke out between protestors and police outside a courthouse in Thessaloniki where a police officer appeared before the court on a felony charge of attempted manslaughter, for shooting a 16-year-old Romani boy in the head after he allegedly failed to pay a €20 gas station bill. The victim remains in critical condition in a Thessaloniki hospital. 

In the immediate wake of the shooting, about one hundred Romani men erected barricades and set fire to rubbish bins outside the hospital, and 1500 protestors clashed with police in the streets of Thessaloniki. Not many there credited the official claim that the victim’s actions had “placed the lives of the police officers in immediate danger.” 

For this comes just one year after Greek police shot dead an 18-year-old Romani youth Nikos Sabanis, and seriously wounded another teenager in a car chase outside Athens. Between 30 and 40 shots were fired by as many as seven police officers.  The police press release after the incident claimed all of the officers sustained injuries, that the deceased was 20 and had a criminal record, and that the minor who was shot only had light injuries. 

These claims were all later proven to be false – no police officers were injured, the victim was 18 and had a clean record, and the 16-year-old was seriously injured. Audio recordings revealed that the officers were aware that the occupants of the vehicle were Roma.

A catalogue of violence against Roma

The outrage that followed the tragic death of the young Romani man Stanislav Tomáš under the knee of a ‘restraining’ Czech police officer in the town of Teplice in June 2021, should have been a wake-up call for European and national authorities to get serious about tackling racist policing, rights abuses and justice denied for Roma. 

However, the official denials and the Prime Minister’s disparagement of the victim as somebody who was not ‘normal or respectable’, followed by the dismissal of all charges against the officers, suggested that Europe’s reckoning with racial justice remains a long way off – and 2022 brought no respite, but rather more incidents and evidence of police brutality against Roma.

In late November in Italy, it was announced that four police officers will face charges of torture, giving false testimony and attempted murder following a house raid, which left a 36-year-old Romani victim in a coma. Hasib Omerovic, who has been deaf since birth, sustained serious injuries when he ‘fell’ nine metres from his bedroom window during an unauthorised police raid on his apartment on 25 July 2022. 

On the 7 July 2022, the European Court of Human Rights (ECtHR) awarded a Romani applicant €19,500 following an incident back in 2014, when he was assaulted and racially abused by Hungarian police officers. The ECtHR found in multiple cases that Hungary had violated the right to life or the prohibition of torture when failing to carry out adequate and effective investigations into allegations of ill-treatment by police officers, including failure to investigate possible racist motives.

On 2 June 2022, the Slovak Government reached a friendly settlement agreement in the ECtHR with eight Romani men who were brutalised by police officers in 2013 during a notorious mass police raid on a Romani community in Moldava nad Bodvou. ERRC Operations Director Marek Balaz described the almost decade long struggle for justice: 

“The real story is one of a completely botched internal investigation of the raid; scapegoating of the victims by prominent politicians; deliberate obstruction of the Ombudsperson’s investigation; blocking victim testimonies at the parliament; and finally adding insult to grievous injury, by charging some of the victims with perjury. These are some of the essential ingredients of a case where the combination of corruption, lies and racist malice beggar belief.”

Right across Europe, week in and week out, ERRC gets reports of police misconduct against Roma: of collusion between law enforcement and far-right paramilitaries; ethnic profiling, harassment and over-policing in one district, and under-policing by deliberate failures ‘to serve and protect’ in another; mass raids on Romani neighbourhoods, and serious injuries even deaths resulting from beatings in custody or during arrest. The emergency lock-downs due to Covid-19 witnessed an upsurge in incidents of police brutality against Roma, most notably in Bulgaria, Romania and Slovakia, where a considerable number of actions taken by law enforcement in policing the pandemic constituted cruel and inhumane behaviour. 

Brutal, bigoted and unashamedly racist

Police racism against Roma is pervasive right across Europe, and the European Institutions just don’t want to talk about it. Infamously, in the wake of the Black Lives Matter protests in June 2020, European Commission Vice-President Schinas claimed that Europe does not have issues “that blatantly pertain to police brutality or issues of race transcending into our systems”, and that because of the “European tradition for protecting minorities, we have less issues than they have in the States". 

Commissioner Schinas’s myopic intervention about that ‘European tradition’ came just days after a 14-year-old Romani boy sustained a fractured eye socket and four broken teeth in the course of being detained by French police. The boy, Gabriel Djordjevic told reporters, “There were four of them. One of them put handcuffs on me and put his knees on my back. A woman [officer] held my feet while a bearded police officer kicked me in the face.” 

ERRC’s research and caseload reveal the extent to which anti-Roma racism is endemic and systemic within police ranks. Rather than being the case of a few “bad apples” law enforcement agencies are saturated with antigypsyism. The ERRC’s report Brutal and Bigoted comprises a catalogue of official lies and botched investigations, testimonies concerning incidents of excessive, arbitrary, and sometimes lethal violence against young and old, deliberate attempts to discredit and intimidate victims, and protracted struggles through the courts for remedy, where justice for Roma is often denied and always delayed.

For more on this see the ERRC report: Brutal and Bigoted: Policing Roma in the EU

[jade-curtiss]

I think it's kinda weird how they're trying to get trans people and intersex people one against the other. From my perspective, it's rather obvious that trans people are getting scapegoated in order to keep concealing the existence of intersex condition. Every right wing bit about "trans kids" or anything involving medical procedures done on underage people is misleading in that sense, the only "gender care" allowed on minors in most places is the kind in which the child has hardly any agency, calling it transitioning is misleading given that "transitioning" require a certain level of agency which isn't applicable in most circumstances. I mean from my own experience, what I see is that the fearmongering is essentially about giving people like who I used to be, as a child, more agency and more genuine care that the forced by assignation nightmare I went through. That's classy. I swear conservative culture is all about child abuse the more I see it for what it is...

[star--nymph]

Okay, couldn't help it: Eurydice again. <3

Essentials: 1 and Life: 4!

GASP? More questions! I will endeavor to give the best answers I can.

ESSENTIALS

What is their name, and how old are they? Does their name or birthday hold any significance?

Eurydice Ismene Fiadh Lavellan is her full name and was born 9:14 Dragon in the Mid-Summer/Solace (she doesn't have a specific date). So she's 27 as of 9:41. Eurydice names goes by my personal headcanon for the naming conventions of the Dalish which is: Personal Name, Parental Name, Linage Name, and Clan Name. 'Eurydice' in Dalish (and Greek) means 'wide justice' and she was named after a heroine in a folk story by her grandmother.

LIFE

4. Describe their family. Who were they close to? Were there any particular childhood friends?

Eurydice is the eldest child of Lycus and Ismene Lavellan, a warrior and hunter respectively. Lycus's mother, Enuna, is Eurydice's beloved grandmother. She has five younger siblings, Melia (b.9:15), Nike (b.9:18), twins Izark and Ion (b.21), and Aegis (b.28). Eurydice, Melia, and Nike were primarily raised by Enuna until her death when Eurydice was about five years old. She was close to her grandmother, who was the only person besides Melia that she actually spoke to, and her death cut her off from the only adult figure in her life that cared for her and understood her condition instead of writing her off as willfully disobedient, stupid, or heartless. After that point, Eurydice and Melia took charge in raising their younger siblings. Lycus and Ismene proved to both be bad parents in vastly different ways, with Lycus being abusive and treating his children as items to show off rather than actual human beings, especially Eurydice who he scapegoated and regarded both as 'his jewel' and 'his doll'. Ismene, meanwhile, has little to no interest in her children unless they show some trait that she has common interest in and while she regards Eurydice as a nuisance who invites troubles, the child she actively emotionally abused was Melia who she decided was annoying and outspoken (probably because, unlike Eurydice, Melia fought back). I did a more extensive writing up for Eurydice and her parents here. Please be careful as it does outline physical and mental abuse, specifically towards an autistic child. Take care while reading. As for Eurydice's siblings, she's closest to Melia both in age (being almost literal year apart) and relationship wise. For a good chunk of their childhood, Eurydice and Melia were joined at the hip and unless Eurydice wandered off, you couldn't find one without the other. Melia was the talker compared to Eurydice, who was content sit and play with the grass in silence, and the arrangement suited them just find. It was only when Eurydice's magic came in and they were forcible separated so she could train as a first that their relationship was strained. Eurydice and Melia's dream was to be halla mistresses together and that was all but shattered the second everyone find out what Eurydice could do. Still, they both got the same vallasin together and they tried to be together as much as possible, but Melia later developed her own relationship with childhood sweet heart Virfen (they/them), and Eurydice, unable to handle losing Melia to someone else, was further isolated. Melia would experience the same feelings when Eurydice left and they met at Skyhold; they both really had to deal with the fact that as close as they are, either weren't going to remain stagnant for the other. They had to grow. Still, they both deeply love each other and even after everything, the first person they always go looking for is the other. Eurydice's relationship with Nike, Izark, and Ion is a little more complex because sadly the three of them didn't get as much time with Eurydice after she became First and they had to deal with the abuse of their parents in their own ways. In order to cope, they started to believe that Eurydice was probably the root of her own problems and maybe the clan was right in saying something was wrong with her. Of course, when they got older, they learned this was probably not true but it still put distance between her and them, especially Ion who did anything to not effectively rock the boat with their father. Nike became a jokester so their parents would lose all interest in them, Izark became a sort of scapegoat for Lycus as well and developed as explosive temper (which he hates himself for) but was at least protected by his own friends and teachers to not be so abused, and Ion became withdrawn and did his best to stay out of his parent's eyeline.

They all love Eurydice a lot but they have their own traumas to deal with. Still there is proof in that love, because before Eurydice left the clan, Ion gave her a knife he had carved himself and told her to keep it on her at all times. And Eurydice does. That knife has never left her side.

Finally there's Aegis, who is the baby of the family and thankfully never dealt with much of the abuse her siblings did because Lycus and Ismene lost all interest in child rearing after her birth. She was primarily raised by her five older siblings, with Eurydice and Melia acting as her mother figures. She was especially close to Eurydice as she developed her magic early and Eurydice took on teaching her the basics along side caring for her. To date she is one of the only people who Eurydice allows to touch her and whom she gives open physical affection to. When Eurydice left for the Conclave, it was for Aegis that she cut her hair for the first time in years—Aegis, already upset about her sister leaving, cried that she was worried the shems would use Eurydice’s long hair as a way to subdue her. In response, Eurydice sliced off her braid and gave it to Aegis to comfort her, something she wouldn’t have done for anyone else because of how important Eurydice’s hair is to her.

Beside all of that, Eurydice has no childhood friends outside of her siblings. She was an otherwise isolated child.

[thyandrawrites]

Am I the only one who finds it pretty awesome how Dabi did what no one else could in his family, not even AFO, which is to strike true fear in Endeavor's heart and break his heroic resolve. Do you think Endeavor would still fear facing Dabi off in battle ? because he's under the assumption that he has been captured and now he can try to look after Toya and continue to atone for his actions, and how cathartic for you was chapter 290 of Dabi exposing his father to the world ?

I think it's pretty awesome that Dabi concocted the precise plan to actually damage both his father's reputation and deal a massive blow to his pride. You can tell that he's been stewing on this for years, working out the finer details, because every aspect of it is so well-thought out.

Coming back home at 16 made him realize that he would never get his father's attention if he just played his part as the wannabe hero son. Endvr had already moved on and would never look back; the only way to destroy that attitude was to meet him as an opponent, as one of the villains Endvr never shies away from confronting. And he was right. The trap worked perfectly.

Endvr judged him a lost cause at age 5. Not only did he miss the opportunity to witness the change in color of Touya's flames, but we now know he also overlooked Dabi's ability to make cold fire and thus work around what Endvr labeled a "weakness". THE weakness. The one that labeled Touya a failed pet project. The irony in that is excellent.

But that's only the tip of the iceberg. The thing about Dabi's plan is that it's effective on so many levels.

He knows that hero society functions on blind idolization of heroes and on the scapegoating of villains as the true source of everything wrong ever > exposes his dad's corruption not by simply stating "he's bad" but by saying "he made me", essentially exploiting that bias to make it impossible for society to ignore it or excuse Endvr's actions as righteous

He knew Endvr used his "death" as a moral justification to keep training Shouto and abusing the fam > he removes the entire concept of having died to make it clear that Touya had no part in abusing Shouto, however indirectly. That was all Endvr, and he can't keep scapegoating it onto his son to feel better about himself. This way, Dabi essentially found the one loophole to worm his way inside his father's walls and punch that pride directly where it hurts

He knew losing credibility wouldn't break endvr because his ego is only stroked by challenges > he made Endvr powerless to stop Shouto from getting hurt, powerless to stop the broadcast, powerless to control how people perceive him at all, underlining how volatile and out of reach that desire to achieve fame ever was. In doing so, he also gave his father a taste of his own medicine. Building him up only to take everything he always wanted from him and expose him as a failure, just like Endvr did to Touya

And the thing is... The individual parts of this plan, if used on their own, wouldn't work as well. The broadcast alone wouldn't have had resonance if Dabi wasn't a villain with a kill count and Endvr's son. Touya coming back from the grave wouldn't have worked on its own if he also hadn't mastered every technique of both his father and his brother, proving that Endvr buried him all too quickly.

It's just... Chef's kiss.

Dabi's revenge works so well to strike fear in Endvr not because Dabi's hopelessly evil, or a menace to suppress with brute strength like AFO, but because he's the type of opponent you can't just put down with a fist or a self-righteous one-liner.

So yeah, seeing Dabi exploit his knowledge of all the weak spots of the system to give voice and resonance to his pain was hella cathartic. It seems like a paradox, but getting a stage to speak about those things, setting off the collapse of much of that hypocrisy from the second it was exposed, was the closest thing to actual justice I think his character will ever get. It was a victim getting the chance to say "what you did to me wasn't excusable" and, for once, getting only guilty, ashamed silence in response

[baphometsss]

Friendly reminder that:

No one in the trans community honestly thinks feminists should stop talking about issues regarding reproductive health and rights. We are just trying to be included in the conversation, which will only benefit more people, instead of just cis women

The existence of trans people is not unnatural, for nature is full of irregularities and grey areas--and these irregularities are, in fact, the key to evolution. Treating nature as if it is strictly binary and rigid and never changes is to ignore the essence of nature

Sex is not a binary, it is a spectrum, and there are as many intersex people as there are with red hair -- but even if they were not this common, intersex people also deserve a voice in this conversation

Anyone who uses trans accessibilty to harm others by pretending to be trans isn’t trans. Trans people should not be scapegoated by having our rights denied due to the actions of others

Bathroom bills have been proven to be completely unenforcable and ineffective when they have been implemented, therefore it is a pointless battle

Abusers don’t give a shit about a sign on the door and most of the assaults on women by men in public bathrooms is done by cis men in typically masculine clothing anyway

Biological essentialism is harmful to women. There is nothing about reducing the definition of a woman to ‘walking vagina’ that helps women

Biological essentialism also undermines reproductive rights because anti-choice/pro-life proponents also use biological essentialism to defend the ‘life’ of an unborn foetus

Transitioning saves lives, and this statement is not a way to ‘silence’ anybody. The suicide rate of trans people is extremely high compared to other groups. This is an undeniable fact that has been proven in every study that’s been done

What trans people do with our bodies is not up for debate, because trans bodies don’t belong to anyone but trans people.

Trans people don’t have to ask feminists for rights. We have rights because we’re human, and there’s no one that can take that away from us. We’re not ‘asking nicely’. We’re refusing to put up with having them denied.

Not to hark on about TERF talking points, but I don’t think ‘no-platforming’ is an option anymore. People are obviously platforming them anyway, especially here in the UK, so here’s some ammo to shut them down when/if you need it.

Shutting down the arguments they bring up may not do anything to change their minds, but it does change minds.

[lesbian-kyoru]

kyo seeing tohru after she falls off the cliff is so poignant because it reinforces the pattern in his life where he blames himself for tragedies that ultimately are not his fault and parts of himself (like being the Cat) that are honestly out of his control. 

his mother committed suicide primarily due to abuse from her husband (which is alluded to in kyo’s flashbacks, even though he doesn’t seem to recognize it himself), but kyo internalizes that he is to blame for being born. with kyoko’s death, it also makes sense that, as a panicked teenager who is traumatized by a magical curse, he couldn’t really save her from an incoming car—but he still blames himself for her death even though it was again out of his control.

and now tohru is bleeding out in front of him, and once again kyo blames himself for it, almost irrationally—because, while he left tohru hurt and rejected in the confession scene, he ultimately can’t really be blamed for her falling off the cliff (not to say he wasn’t an asshole to her, but he also didn’t push her or cause her to fall; it’s again a moment where his involvement in the accident is disproportionate to the blame he’s placing on himself).

i love this aspect of kyo’s arc because it drives home how, in always taking the blame and essentially scapegoating himself (much like the role of the Cat within the zodiac, a role that has been ingrained in him since birth), he ends up over-correcting. he blames himself for tragedies that are part of much larger issues, issues that he isn’t always aware of or able to change. 

it also shows how, in always blaming himself for hurting others—and being unable to let go of this self-inflicted and at times irrational blame—he ends up hurting others even more in the process. that’s what happened in the case of kyoko’s death: he’s carried that blame for years, and now it’s indirectly led to tohru almost dying right before his eyes. and seeing tohru like this—and deciding that it’s his fault—is yet another step in his self-fulfilling cycle of blame & self-hatred.

[stonecoldhedwig]

Tw: discussion of abuse

I keep seeing posts about Sirius not being abused as a child and just... are we all reading different books?

It seems like one of the most obvious things to me in canon; it’s up there with Latent Bisexual Harry.

Abuse as a motif exists very overtly in the books. Harry at the hands of the Dursleys, Snape at the hands of his father, etc. etc. Pre-GoF, one of the dominant narratives across the series is children being failed by institutions and being failed by adults, to the point of abuse and neglect. There’s much interesting discussion to be had about the transition in OotP where those children then create institutions of their own right, but that’s a conversation for another day.

There’s a significant body of canonical evidence that suggests Sirius suffered emotional and verbal abuse as a child.

From OotP:

- talking about a potential Boggart in a desk: “Knowing my mother, it could be something much worse.” That doesn’t fill me with much confidence that Grimmauld Place was a particularly safe place to grow up.

- “My mother didn’t have a heart, Kreacher,’ snapped Sirius. ‘She kept herself alive out of pure spite.” His relationship with Walburga? Fucked. Utterly fucked. The thing about parent-child relationships, though, is that the onus is on the parent to make them good, not on the child.

- Kreacher talks about Walburga’s feelings towards Sirius: “how she hated him, what a disappointment he was".

- Kreacher again talking about Walburga’s feelings towards Sirius: “she swore he was no son of hers"

- Sirius, addressing the tapestry: “My sweet old mother blasted me off after I ran away from home – Kreacher’s quite fond of muttering the story under his breath."

- Sirius talking about how he essentially relied on compassion from beyond his family and the good luck of being the recipient of gold, and how kindness towards him from other family members resulted in them being punished: “I camped out at your dad’s in the school holidays, and when I was seventeen I got a place of my own. My Uncle Alphard had left me a decent bit of gold – he’s been wiped off here, too, that’s probably why – anyway, after that I looked after myself."

- Sirius, talking about how he and Regulus were treated: “He was younger than me,’ said Sirius, ‘and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded."

- Sirius, talking about the environment in which he grew up and the beliefs his parents held: “No, no, but believe me, they thought Voldemort had the right idea, they were all for the purification of the wizarding race, getting rid of Muggle-borns and having pure-bloods in charge."

- Sirius, having got upset about who his family are, explaining to Harry: “I don’t like being back here,’ he said, staring across the drawing room. ‘I never thought I’d be stuck in this house again."

The summary of canonical evidence, then, is this:

Walburga hated her son and articulated that to him, and to others. She kept a house where Dark magic was not only present, but expected, and where Voldemort’s pureblood ideology was approved of. She overtly disowned Sirius, having told him regularly that his brother was a better son than he was. He had to rely on the charity of others in order to survive. Sirius has a traumatic response to returning to Grimmauld Place.

Emotional abuse is a multi-faceted form of abuse, but some of the features that are present here include:

exposing a child to upsetting events or situations

humiliating or constantly criticising a child

threatening, shouting at a child or calling them names

blaming and scapegoating

not recognising a child's own individuality or trying to control their lives

There’s additional evidence in Sirius’ behaviour in PoA and GoF; plus further into OotP as he has to continue to live at Grimmauld Place. All of this, of course, is not even taking into account Walburga’s portrait. From the horse’s mouth, etc. etc.

Did the other Black children experience the same? We don’t know. Regulus is certainly a fascinating character (contrasting what’s in his bedroom at Grimmauld vs. how he dies, for example). Andromeda sacks it all off for love (what a woman, love her). Narcissa and Bellatrix remain committed to the cause, the latter moreso than the former. We simply can’t say definitively if they also experienced what Sirius did.

Were the Blacks known for abusing their children in the Wizarding world? Again, we don’t know. I think it’s rather telling that the Potters accepted Sirius as a second son like that, with no expectation that he would try to repair his relationship with his family. My parents supported my best friend through university because her family are sentient orifices, but even then, they encouraged her to have a relationship with her family if that’s what she wanted. To see such a definite break between Sirius and the Blacks with no encouragement from the Potters to even attempt reconcilliation speaks of a concerning situation. 16 years olds do not run away from home for no reason, either.

All this is predicated, of course, on the starting point that Dark magic is an abberation; that blood purity ideology is wrong; and that telling your children that you hate them is a Bad Thing.

[anakirui]

i have created a chart of dsmp parallels i have noticed

/rp /dsmp

explanations below

dream -> skeppy

this ones weird, but if you watch early dsmp clips it makes sense. dream indirectly learned to use emotional attachments over people because of skeppy, and skeppy showed signs that are similar to dream's current character before dream did. i.e. expressing a desire to manipulate tommy (albeit skeppy nor bad acted on this despite discussing it with eachother) and explicitly promoting war and chaos.

adding onto this, skeppy has always wanted control over the server. this is something he basically proved with his own words. (he clarified that the discs have all the control on the server, and then proceeded to try and trade for all of the discs from dream right after saying that using spirit's leather) he also, much like dream, has no emotional attachments but his one exception is badboyhalo as far as we know

bad -> dream

this one is pretty obvious in eggpire bad. in fact, it's so obvious that puffy even writes in her captain's log that he's starting to act like dream- because he is. eggpire bad is very openly manipulative, but what's ironic is that bad before/after the egg arc was manipulative anyways. (l'sandburg, badlands stuff basically, that shit apology he gave for the egg arc that was literally just him dealing with guilt in the worst way possible aka scapegoating ant)

a lot of his parallels to dream are essentially the same parallels that dream makes to skeppy, but there are still some small extra ones. for example, bad canonically steals a lot of people's things and keeps them in his vault... but unlike dream he tries to avoid taking things that are emotional attachments.

also he's broken the rules of his own faction before. l'sandburg was voted to be an outpost by ant and sam (which would overrule his vote to make it an embassy, because that's how their direct democracy or whatever works) only for him to keep stating that it's an embassy and that it belongs to him and skeppy specifically... which is just an abuse of power tbf, my guy is kinda a tyrant-

also bd island is similar to the skeppy jail. ironically. my guy isolated skeppy on an island because the skeppy jail and the egg freaked him tf out when he literally just made the equivalent of the skeppy jail and then pulled a mild exile card on skeppy and basically refused to tell him why he was taking him there except for "you are bad at minecraft" (and no this was not presented in a lighthearted manner. this was presented in a "bad is trying to make skeppy feel inferior" manner.)

bad -> skeppy

this should've been expected. but besides everything mentioned in the two paragraphs above, there is actually more than previously mentioned. bad literally parallels early egg arc skeppy throughout the entire second half of the egg arc. they both deal with loss in reckless ways that ended up affecting most of the server because they can't just fucking communicate or cope properly, they both get very possessive and controlling of eachother if they feel threatened by any external force, they have the same goals and methods, they deny any sort of claim by anyone that they are mistreating eachother (skeppy yelling at puffy when she said he wasn't being emotionally supportive enough to bad, bad yelling at foolish when skeppy apparently wanted to move out (which was a lie btw haha))

karl -> red skeppy

red skeppy is marked as a seperate character here because 3/2 (a bd island stream) establishes skeppy and red skeppy to be two completely different individuals with their own thoughts and feelings about things. this parallel though is extremely obvious if you have watched bad's 4/18 stream and quackity's 11/27 lore stream. karl and red skeppy are both characters who act like absolute dickheads to their loved ones because of their brain being messed with. in karl's case, it's his memory loss from time travel, while in red skeppy's case, it's the egg literally possessing him (3/2 bd island stream has literally expressed the concept that the egg can physically take over c!skeppys body even if he's conscious and speaking. freaky shit.)

quackity -> bad

okay when i first started seeing this parallel back during the egg arc i was genuinely fucking scared. news flash: quackity paralleling him STILL scares me. i really shouldn't even have to explain how obvious 11/27 made this parallel, with them both losing a loved one to lava and having a serious argument with a loved one in one stream as already a major one. but something that's clear (and this is the part that scares me) is that quackity sees bad as this individual that can do no wrong when bad definitely is an individual who has done shitty things, and that's why im terrified when i see him essentially... following into bad's footsteps. because it makes me think, if he ever comes to the conclusion that he is acting like bad, and then has the conclusion that bad can do no wrong, what is that going to say about quackity's morals? like he's already pretty gray but how much would that belief allow him to justify far worse shit that he could possibly do in the future? yeahh...

sapnap -> happyduo

unironically picks up a lot of behaviors from these two. the pet killing probably came from skeppy as they both have a history of threatening/harming animals. despite that, sapnap has a ton of emotional attachments to pets just like how bad does. all three of them also don't really pick sides, but in happyduos case it's more like they're their own respective side and do whatever benefits them while sapnap properly does the people > sides thing.

quackity -> wilbur

pretty sure this has been pointed out like 6363663 times so im too lazy to explain it

sapnap <--> quackity

they do be kinda paralleling eachother like how happyduo does and im also too lazy to explain this either might edit this later

possible parallels:

sapnap - -> wilbur

has quoted him before for some reason, he called el rapids an "unfinished symphony" for example

wilbur - -> bad

has also quoted him before and nobody noticed it, him talking about there being a power vacuum with dream being in the prison and "turning over a new leaf" are both things eggpire bad has literally said

sapnap <- -> foolish

honestly i just want this parallel so bad. as characters they have a lot of similarities so far but i wish there was more. they both have a close individual in their life with memory issues, they both have a history of violence that they've been identified with by some people, they both have actively tried to be peaceful but now they can't, they both have sorta iffy relationships with their parents, they both have a relationship with an elemental power (sapnap is associated with fire, foolish has canonical lightning powers), and both have a ton of pets.

foolish - -> dream

this one barely counts but all i need to say is lmanburg and lsandburg and both of them making plans to kidnap skeppy coincidentally

other than that they're nothing alike, foolish is more of a victim in lsandburg than anything

[chaoticneurodivergent]

Apologize in advance for this hot mess of a post and I'm probably going to delete it.

Did anyone else who is neurodivergent in any way (especially those who grew up undiagnosed) experience a kind of unique form of scapegoating where you were guilted, shamed, and blamed for things you had no control over for entire childhood by basically all of the adults in your life? Ranging from the classic "You're not living up to your full potential," "You're lazy," etc. comments that I know are common to essentially being treated as the villain child and compared to siblings and treated differently, and the reasons why were all linked to your neurodivergence?

(I explain my personal experience w/ this in the v long paragraph below, feel free to skip it if you don't want to read basically me venting, there's a tl;dr at end)

I know for a fact I was treated differently from my older sister my entire life. She was punished maybe once a month. I was constantly in trouble, and looking back, the things I was punished for were often linked to neurodivergence rather than stubbornness or disobedience. For example, I was in trouble for not falling asleep fast enough, for not being able to stay still in bed or be quiet for the long periods of time it would take me to fall asleep, for having trouble with chores (not noticing things, being slow, getting distracted, being inefficient), for getting distracted during schoolwork or for using improper tone of voice (constantly being told I was "rude" or "disrespectful" and getting told off for talking back when I explained that I truly didn't understand what that meant or how to fix it), for simply not being able to force myself to eat certain foods and being picky, for what I realize now was obvious stimming. After years and years of this, it became my identity in the family. I wasn't behaving badly, I WAS bad. I was called lazy, selfish, careless, trying to hurt everyone, stupid, manipulative, rebellious, disrespectful, disobedient, and too sensitive. But none of that came out of nowhere. I was inconvenient because of my neurodivergence, and since that was never diagnosed, my parents had no way of knowing. I had no excuse or explanation. So the neurodivergence and the bad experiences are so tied together that I can't fully separate them and blame either. Then on top of this, when I try to bring up my concerns, I'm just told "You're fine, you've never been abnormal, don't worry about it." It's hard for me to believe everything's normal and fine when they were the ones telling me I was all of these bad, abnormal things, that I was so different from other children. If I was truly fine and normal, either I truly am all of the things I was called growing up or my parents were just cruel without excuse. And I feel so much guilt, bc so many ppl who experienced scapegoating or verbal abuse were truly good kids. They did nothing wrong. I was bad. And no matter how much I was punished I couldn't be normal or good. But I didn't mean to be. I wanted so badly to be good and I just couldn't do anything right, I just couldn't be like my sister or my classmates. I couldn't do my homework, couldn't do the chores properly, couldn't fall asleep or keep track of anything in my mind or stop getting lost and confused with easy things and needing help. I truly don't blame my parents. I was not an easy child. But I didn't mean to be bad. So it seems like there's a unique experience of the intersection between neurodivergence and parents who maybe aren't the best at parenting. And that isn't mimicked really by anything else.

Tl;dr I don't know if anyone else experienced this or it's just a my family thing and I'm curious, but I'm thinking there might be a specific experience of being neurodivergent and being scapegoated / emotionally abused due to traits you have little to no control over due to parents or just adults in society who don't know how to deal with your neurodivergence and instead blame it all on you and expect you to figure out how to be normal or pay the price.

[lightdancer1]

To spell out an obvious plot point directly

Two of the big reasons I have Ursa as a part of Azula's issues and starting off but seldom finishing as an antagonist are, respectively:

1) Not scapegoating an abuse victim for Ozai's actions. Ozai is the prime mover of problems for the rest of his family, whether or not he lives to become the Fire Lord. Ozai's willful violence and perfectionism boosted by his mental illness and slightly delusional self-perceptions is where things start their downhill slide and get worse from there. Ozai is the villain, Ursa is the living embodiment of 'the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.'

As with Iroh her antagonistic roles are always more interesting from good intentions, both self-perceived and reality. Ozai, by contrast, works very well as a straight up villain even when given more human/'realistic' aspects of his motivations that leave the core intact and simply getting an actual human aspect attached to it.

2) Given that Azula is also an abuse victim it allows for one thing on which the two in even the nadir settings can find an understanding, if not toleration with each other. It would apply to Ozai as well, if he were the type to accept help when repeatedly offered to him and to make use of it. This happens in only one AU where it's essentially forced on him by a walking deus ex machina doing her thing.

Given how many of the pitfalls of the first ATLA storyline hinge on denying Azula a voice at the one hand and taking the voice of its main character too uncritically to fanboy perceptions with Zuko, a good Azula story should strive to do more than invert the basis of canon by switching which Fire sibling gets the unchallenged perspective and moral switching. Expecting higher standards means actually adhering to them in one's own works.

[newhologram]

I know it’s scapegoating but what else is it if someone constantly pressures you to make more money, hassles you over the grocery bill but shoots down every suggestion to shop somewhere cheaper (blames it on your items but isn’t satisfied with you just sending them that money), acting like they are about to be in the poor house, saying they’re drowning in debt, blames you for these issues but won’t offer a solution other than “make more money” (even when you were working 3 jobs already), but then as soon as they have a partner they’re spending hundreds per date and thousands per vacation?

And then if you get stressed and depressed about money and the terrible burden you’ve been made out to be after all that blaming they look at you like you’re crazy and say, “Um... we’re doing fine. What are you even worried about? Even if you didn’t live here, I would spend the same amount of money on essentials.”

An old therapist pointed out this is major mixed messages but when I tried to talk to them about this they just said their usual line of, “Just wait until you get out there in the REAL WORLD.” To try to scare me away from the convo, I guess? Or confuse me? Idek.

I’m a queer disabled adult and abuse survivor, I’m pretty sure I live in the real world lol. But they have never seen my reality as real.

(Paying rent doesn’t make your reality more real than someone who can’t.)

Literally like it used to be, weekly:

Me: *in bed resting from working multiple jobs*

Them: You need to contribute to the household.

Me: I’m working 3 jobs. My body is at its limit. We can brainstorm solutions if you want. Do you have any ideas?

Them: No, you just need to figure it out.

??????