#actually cotards

[phantom-heartbeat]

Does anyone with Cs/WCS wanna chat about it?

Does it feel like you're more of a zombie? A vampire? Something else?

Does it fluctuate or stay the same every episode?

What conditions do you have influence it and how (if any)?

What are the main and rare physical sensations?

What are tricks that help you? How did you find what works and what doesn't?

What makes it worse?

I'll start.

I often feel a mix of creatures, undead or generally nonhuman. But primarily zombie, vampire, siren or some sort of living dead thing that either isn't supposed to be on land or function like a living human.

It fluctuates a lot every episode, more often than not when I don't realize it is an episode i feel cybernetic or robotic, I'm only starting to recognize that as my more common episodes now. The more subtle ones at least.

My anemia, arthritis and other physical disabilities I have all effect it, but having DID means it can change and present differently based on who's fronting too.

My anemia makes me cold as a corpse most days, low blood circulation and pale complexion in top of being a walking icicle has made me a target for vampire comments growing up, my need for iron often feels like a thirst for blood. It can also feel like a hunger for flesh especially if I haven't eaten or slept properly when you take my Ed and insomnia into count.

The aches caused by my arthritis and chronic pain are more often than not soothed by water, making me feel like I need to go back to the ocean or sea to get out of this human skin and feel better and more free where my body is better suited. I often find myself violently scratching at my skin either because of eczema or something else which only contributes to the idea

That list goes on for a while

The main sensations are completely weighted like my body is just actual dead weight, heavy limbs and all, manual breathing switches on and my joints and limbs ache like they're going to fall off or are sore from being locked rigor mortis or because they're currently in rigor mortis. I'm not sure how to explain it but I'll also feel as if organs are missing.

There's also rarely ever feeling hunger and if I do it's cravings, not the sweet tooth kind, same with the need for other bodily functions.

Some rare feelings are a drill going through my head, not in the headache sense, my heart briefly stopping, things crawling on or under my skin, electricity running through my body and my teeth changing.

Tricks that sometimes help me are eating something, a snack or a meal just help me remember the body still needs it, checking for my pulse though it can be a hit or miss if the episode is really bad, and something cold like ice to shock my senses into resetting and waking up.

I found out most of them through anxiety attacks or times I felt really sick, I just kept using them because they seemed to help. There was a bit of trial and error, I found people reassuring me I'm alive and basically reality checking me doesn't help at all just makes me uncomfortable to be around them at worst and in one ear out the other at best. Often when someone tries giving me reassurance my brain treats it as a bold faced lie.

Mentally my depression and trauma or triggers all make the episodes worse, especially if I have trouble finding my pulse on my neck out of panic, or times I just can't taste things or my senses feel off. But overall times I feel sick are when my brain starts getting convinced I'm on my deathbed any second now or the body has finally given up.

I'm happy to answer any questions

What's it like for you?

[affectionatecorpse]

Does anyone else who's ever had a near death experience just... sit up and think about it sometimes?

Thinking about how much you've been through despite the odds?

Wondering if you really had died, and this is your life flashing before your eyes, as something that's already happened, playing as a distant memory?

Or do you wonder if you aren't alive fully, living as a zombie or a ghost, without even realising it?

I think about it sometimes. A lot, actually. Every time that scar on my head itches, or aches. It's something I don't talk about a lot, not with other people. I don't know why. I feel almost ashamed of it. I guess because I'm unsure if I was supposed to survive? So now if I do anything the slightest bit wrong, my brain resorts to saying I'm wasting my chance at survival.

I don't talk about it much. But I kinda want to. If you don't like gorey details, stop reading now.

It happened when I was just a kid. I think I was about 7 or 8. I remember because that same year, I got a dog, and considered 8 to be my lucky number because of it.

Things were just so... normal. Too normal, I'd argue. I was at my dad's house, 500 miles from home. Usually my dad would pay attention to me for the first few hours, but once the luxury wore off, he'd tell me to go and entertain myself while he went to play Skyrim, or a Sonic game.

I'd spend all day by myself, getting yelled at by my dad if I bothered him, and getting yelled at by my grandparents if I bothered them while they were watching Only Fools and Horses. This was just my normal. It sounds like a tragedy, but it wasn't. This was routine.

It was night time. My nan was cooking in the kitchen, my grandad was yelling at the football game on TV, and my dad was upstairs on his computer. I was so, so bored. I sat by the window and wished, just wished they'd pay attention to me. I wished to end my boredom, to end the neglect, and feel like my family cared for me.

After this wish, I got spooked by a hallucination. I've suffered from psychosis my whole life. This was part of my normal. But this vision was something else entirely. I could feel it. A cold, dead hand, leaving the shadows, clawing into my chest, trying to grab my heart.

I screamed and ran like any rational kid would. I was 8, of course I did. I ran. I tripped. Dyspraxia is my curse. I had caught my foot on the rug, and fallen.

And smashed my head on the solid, cold, stone wall.

It wasn't cold for long. I remember that pain, that agonising pain, so well. The hotness of my blood coating my face, and the wall, and the floor, and my favourite butterfly shirt. It was gushing everywhere. I could feel myself getting dizzier. I could barely hear my nan's screaming, my ears were ringing so loud. Everything was muffled and dead, like they weren't talking at all, just murmuring like in their sleep. My vision was blurred and colourless, like the brightness and joy had been sucked out of the world.

Yet I felt absolutely nothing. I felt the agonising pain, but that was it. I felt no fear, nor sadness. I just felt tired. Like I'd just woken up from a nap. Time felt like a thick jelly. I can't remember much else, because I'd lost too much blood by that point. But I got my wish.

I woke up a few days later. At least I think I did. I can't remember if I'd woken up at all before then. This was just where my memories picked up. I remember trying to look for my mother, and being met with tension all down my head. Not pain, but numbness, and tension, like my hair was pulled back into a too tight ponytail.

Somehow even then, I didn't know if I was alive or not. I never figured that out. Even when I got older.

My skull had received massive damage. It had cracked. The nurse told me they superglued it back together, but once I got older, I figured I had a minor surgery. My head had to be sewn back together, from the top down to the back. The scar is still there. I feel it sometimes when I'm thinking. Sometimes if I poke it wrong, I get dizzy. It aches and itches constantly. It won't let me forget it's there.

I should've died. I've heard that ever since. People either told me I was lucky, or that they wished I hadn't survived, depending on context. My parents have said both at some point. It's the only thing they really have in common.

I don't know if I love or hate it. I laugh at calling it a lobotomy with my friends. I sob into my pillow about why I had to endure it. I sit motionless in the shower, staring at the wall, wondering if it was my wish that had caused this. Or if my hallucination was my warning.

[meeb-motes]

Cotards Syndrome/Delusion emojis

there are two different versions , one for Undead/Death/Decomp delusions and one for Not being real/Parts of you not being real delusions as both fall under cotards !

we were going to also add in one for delusions of immortality ( fun fact: that’s what we have! ) but decided that would be best to be put in a diff post !!

-Violet(wrote the post), Vee and Canine(drew the emojis)

[misternibbs]

look who's inside again

interpret this however you feel. originally planned/initially started on the release day of tiny uke, it just reminded me a lot of icimi and bo burnham's inside, so i did this.

also please ignore the fact that I spelt surrounded wrong I can't spell for shit

separate images/process/linework below!

hey I actually spelt it right in the previous versions tf. dang

[undead-affirmations]

Every popular post about cotards online:

This SCARY DISORDER that FREAKS have makes them think they're DEAD!! Isn't that SO WEIRD?? Imagine if you had that? how SCARY is that??

[becomeundeath]

Fragrances for the Dead

A list of fragrances that would be fitting of the dead and undead. Many of these sellers have more intriguing fragrances in the same theme, so be sure to check them out. Prices are included and listed in USD.

Midnight Mass by Amorphous

"Aroma palette is smoky, incense, and resinous. Highlights include frankincense, myrrh, ancient moss, aged merlot, antique woods, and extinguished candle wick." Price: $26/5ml oil / $160/50ml EDP

Vena Cava by Amorphous

"Aroma palette is woodsy, floral, and metallic. Highlights include dark florals, merlot, orris, ylang ylang, oud, and blood accord." Price: $26/5ml oil / $160/50ml EDP

Bloodflower by PARFUMS QUARTANA

"Aromatic anisé liquor stirs a metallic blood accord into a frenzy of nocturnal delight. Accords: Licorice, Anise, Blood Accord, Cloves, Orris, Bulgarian Rose, Amber, Patchouli" Price: $11/2ml EDP / $195/50ml EDP

Grave by Redwood Alchemy

"This scent is reminiscent of freshly turned grave dirt, damp grass, powdered flowers, coffin wood and etched granite slabs cloaked in moss. Notes: Etched Gravestones, Pine Boxes, Old Creeping Moss, Freshly Turned Grave Dirt, Dry Flowers." Price: $42.99/10ml / $119.99/30ml

St Louis Cemetery by Alkemia

"An atmospheric brooding of Spanish moss, crumbling stone, old cement, red clay brick, and graveyard dirt." Price: $20/5ml extrait / $95/30ml extrait

Olympic Rainforest by Olympic Orchards

"Notes: cedar leaves, green sword ferns, rhododendron, forest mushrooms, beebalm, myrtle, wildflowers, oakmoss, black spruce, balsam fir, Port Orford Cedar, earthy accord." Price: $3/1ml / $65/30ml

Zombie for Him by Demeter

"Both Zombie scents are described as a combination of dried leaves, mushrooms, mildew, moss and earth." Price: $25/30ml

Inexcusable Evil by Toskovat'

Based off of the concept of war and the horrors of it, said to smell like gunpowder, concrete, blood, and iodine. Price: Sold Out (originally $255/60ml)

Bonus: Accent fragrances

Blood by Redwood Alchemy

"This unique layering accord reeks pungently of realistic, fresh blood. Notes: Blood, Iron & Copper" Price: $54.99/10ml / $139.99/30ml

Dirt by Demeter

"Our most emblematic fragrance, Demeter's Dirt was made to smell exactly like the dirt from the fields around the Pennsylvania family farm belonging to our founding perfumer." Price: $25/30ml

Funeral Home by Demeter

"Funeral Home is a blend of classic white flowers including lilies, carnations, gladiolus, chrysanthemums with stems and leaves, with a hint of mahogany and oriental carpet." Price: $25/30ml

Bonfire by Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab

"The perfume of withering leaves, their brittle forms surrendering to the flame, releasing a sigh of bitter smoke that is flickering with the ghosts of summer’s memory." Price: $29 oil

The Fifth Veil by Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab

"Putrefaction, the veil of decay. A yellowing shroud of raw-edged Muga silk, banana-spotted with chunks of fermented fig and exuding rich, earthy puffs of mushroom dust." Price: $31 oil

Ezekiel 16:49 by Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab

"Blood musk and ashes." Price: $33 oil

Where to get samples:

I personally recommend Luckyscent and Surrender to Chance for decants of brands that might be out of stock or don't offer samples. Most samples will be anywhere from $3 to $8 and these sites will often have sales, especially during the holidays.

Some places such as Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, Hexennacht, or The Strange South are partnered with Ajevie to provide samples.

Additional:

Fragrances more often than not are NOT cheap. I highly recommend tracking down a sample of whatever fragrance you want BEFORE spending the money to get a bottle. Always try fragrances in a small amount beforehand to make sure you have no reactions to the formula or scent, and wash it off quickly if you do. When wearing perfume oils, keep the area out of direct sunlight.

[r477m4n-wh34713y]

[cosmically-kissed]

An actually decent looking ref sheet??!!!

[phantom-heartbeat]

So when will my body stop sending pain signals

I know it's falling apart I'm just waiting for it to be over

[residentrioters]

If Jules or René could see me now, would they be so forgiving?!

did this one right as CJ released the song, today I tried to somewhat 'finish' it to a point where I'm satisfied with it been a while i actually finished somethin that i somewhat like, cjs new song kicked some 'just have fun' motivation into us

[meeb-motes]

Cw: blood

Delusions of being immortal emojis

these were kinda a conglomerate of a bunch of ours ideas so if it looks ant cluttered we apologize !!

also these are based off our experiences with delusions of being immortal , so they may not be representative of alls experiences

-Saint and Vee

[entity56]

i dont think its often discussed how traumatic that delusional experiences can be

just the delusion itself. if its overwhelming and long enough it's enough to be chronically traumatic. like. i spent a full year or so believing my soul had left and i was rotting internally. i became obsessed with eating clean to 'heal myself' and ended up becoming borderline orthorexic. i was TERRIFIED of the idea of dying (without a soul there's nowhere to go) but at the same time I wanted to just to get it over with and 'finish the process'. i could feel my organs 'rotting' and 'molding' and 'squirming'. i could feel the bugs and maggots in my body and brain. and I was young, like maybe 13-14 years old during this... I felt this stress EVERY DAY. now outside of a purely fictional context anything to do with the human body, skin or diseases terrifies the shit out of me. im a hypochondriac now. like majorly.

sometimes, somedays, i got hopeful that i did still have a soul, or at least a piece of it, and that if i could JUST get out of my body, I'd be free.

those were really bad days. what i called 'escape attempts' were just paranoia induced self harm.

was anything happening to me? no, but it felt EXTREMELY real. i get flashbacks and delusional 'relapses' and nightmares. that year left a permanent mark on my psyche.

and that's not even to say the stuff that CAN happen during a delusional episode. suicide attempts, being mistaken as aggressive and attacked (SHOCKINGLY common), being alienated by the ones you're supposed to trust, the list goes on and on and on. and you're not allowed to talk about it because thats disturbing. thats weird and gross and bad and schizophrenic/schizospectrum people are crazy and less than human. and trauma means something ! that happened irl ! and those were just delusions it was all in your mind you basketcase.

idk. im rambling. i just know i got an untagged post on my dash saying 'There's mold growing inside of me' and am now nauseous and fighting the idea that that nausea is Actually My Organs Rotting.

praying for a future where neurotypicals treat us with more respect

[fadedlilrat]

a comic about not being a person.

-Blurry

(Too tired to make ID)

[exanimated444]

Made some blinkies

[becomeundeath]

I would like to make some friends among the dead and undead. If any of you would like, reblog, or reply to this post that would be wonderful!

[maggore]

[Flag ID: Three almost identical rectangular flags, all with 5 horizontal stripes, the outer two being significantly larger than the rest. They are all colored, from top to bottom, pastel green, green, pastel purple, cerulean blue, and pastel blue. On the left of the first flag is a dull brown infinity symbol, and on the left of the third flag is a dull brown coffin outline. end ID]

Cotard's Delusion / Cotard's Syndrome / Walking Corpse Syndrome

Where the person holds a persistent delusional belief that they are dead, do not exist, are putrefying, have lost their blood or internal organs, or are immortal / incapable of dying for some reason (wikipedia)

Coined on the 1880s, Flag made 4/7/2025 | Colors are based loosely on nature and immortality | This was made with the immortality subset of Cotard's Delusion in mind since that's a big part of our experience, however it can be used by anyone who experiences Cotard's Delusion if they like it :3c | Symbols: Infinity, Coffin

(Taglist) @radiomogai @obscurian & @mad-pride

(See also) madprideflags (simplifed version), redacted-coiner, paranoid-and-pretentious