#actually maybe its because a lot of people on here are adults and im really self conscious about my art

[noisemastter]

stimming isnt enough anymore i need to kill him

[mugentakeda]

its like I desperately DO want to explore Iroh maybe emotionally manipulating Zuko his very manipulatable nephew. NOT because I hate Iroh and think his actions in the show are all 100% manipulation but because I love him and how shitty he is. He's like shitty on accident and it's great.

"Whoops accidentally isolated my nephew whoopsies accidentally formed codependency with him. Oh well time to play scrabble" its so slay

THERES THIS UNFINISHED FIC I READ ON AO3 THAT GOES SUPER INTO THIS ACTUALLY i loved it so much it had such a heavy hand in changing how i view iroh (because when i was a wee middle schooler and first watched atla i too viewed uncle iroh as a do-no-wronger). at least the emotionally manipulating part. heres the link if you wanna read it :) now under the cut im about to spazz a bit on the topic of iroh and zuko and im not gonna make anyone read this word vomit unless they really want to LMFAOOO

the way i see it book 1 iroh was still in the dregs of grief over lu ten and was also still dealing w The Order which i imagine had him on thin ice for a WHILE before he managed to score the grand lotus promotion.

i personally dont think iroh was THAT distantly caring of zuko like he was portrayed to be in the fic i linked above and on the contrary i think he was having a Horrible Time during zukos recovery from his burn. but he was still distant in the way that he didnt know zuko that well yet and it was mostly the guilt on top of projecting himself and his feelings about lu ten onto zuko (the first of what will become Many) and thinking along the lines of “how could any father do this to their son, it angers me because id give anything to have lu ten back”, but then once iroh comes to love ZUKO then its “how could ozai do this to zuko”

but despite all that theres still a seven layer salad of problems, miscommunication, misunderstandings, guilt, baggage, and projecting. iroh comes to love zuko fiercely by the end of book 1 after he snaps out of his apathy and is forcibly booted from the ship, therefore a fugitive and therefore harder for The Order to access. SO, he can finally focus on getting ozais venom out of zuko. sadly, as ive said before, iroh only managed to get some of the venom out of himself not even a full decade ago. And its worse, because irohs an older adult.

thats not just a childhood and teenage years of propaganda and crimes. its a whole lifetime. And hes on time limits. sozins comet is coming. his nephew is really good at catching up with the avatar. the order tells him that sentiment and guilt cant get in the way of their goals. its a nice idea to realign zukos ideals with The Orders so iroh has an heir if he decides to take over once they hopefully topple ozai, or if he doesnt want to rule at all so zuko can take over instead- but if ozais venom reaches too deep and zuko cant be helped, The Order will take the measures necessary to remove him from the equation.

between the stress of trying to get zuko aligned with being ok with the avatar toppling his dad and sister and entire nation in less than a year with whatever methods the avatar sees fit, only like a few gallons of his own fire nation bullshit problems being flushed out a few years ago with plenty to spare so hes Really not the best at trying to get his nephew see things iroh himself doesnt even fully see, not realizing that zuko isnt the kind of kid that does well with vague proverbs and prefers it straight forward (and with enough tact to phrase things in ways that wont make him flip out when he hears things hes not ready to hear yet but at the same time without sugar coating), iroh is obviously not gonna do a perfect job.

matter of fact, id go as far to say hes not gonna even do a good job. ill give him one chewed up star and say he did a halfway decent job. a lot of people credit him for getting zuko on the right path as if he was the one that did the heavy lifting, when really he got lucky that zuko managed to pull himself out from under a fucking MOUNTAIN of deeply embedded propaganda and violent physical and emotional abuse trauma in under a few months versus iroh whos still working on it after YEARS. and his doesnt even include the abuse trauma. zuko is strong as fuck and that is his strength and nobody else deserves to be credited for that. iroh gave him pointers and a nudge in the right direction, but didnt give zuko a map and also made him take the route that involved zuko crossing the bridge with an evil goblin that would only let him pass if he solved his riddles three.

but DESPITE ALL OF THAT! despite all of that never getting properly resolved and discussed and brushed over- partly because brykes stinky asses giving irohs character the 180 and making him all ~hoity toity righteous ive never done anything wrong despite my obvious hypocrisy thats so bad it smells~ in book 3, partly because parents like iroh who have 100 million things wrong with them along with being bad at communicating barely Ever get their head right enough to sit and talk these things out with their kids, iroh and zuko still love each other so, so fucking much.

its the little things and the implications that get me the most?? iroh basically collapsing onto zuko during the siege of the north when he leaves zhaos ship and burying his face in zukos chest. zuko telling iroh that for the last time hes NOT playing the tsungi horn. iroh pestering zuko into going back to the port to find a fucking tile for a game that iroh can just buy new of and zuko just growling and stomping off. iroh pumping his fist and grinning at zuko beating up zhao during their agni kai. their banter. his nonchalance at zukos bluntness and rudeness. iroh bothering zuko into going to bed to no avail. his snarky remark at zuko sitting in his room in the dark instead of going on a walk with him. iroh sucking up their argument from the night before over ozai and going with zuko to join azula despite his suspicions while glowering at all the soldiers like a huge snarly bear protecting their cub. like UGHHHH THE VOICES THE VOICES!!!!

its just not a realistic parent child relationship if there arent an equal amount of softness to ease through the complicated tangles.

its the apology plate of cut fruit after the shouting match. you hate it because its like why wont you just say sorry to my face with your words, but then you realize you wouldnt know how to respond in words yourself, so you just eat the shitty cut fruit and say youre sorry back by doing some equally lame act of service later that day just to make the ground fully even again and all is forgiven without even having to say it outloud and both of you are thinking we’ll definitely talk it out later. later wont ever come but the love wont leave anyway so who cares (you both care).

i literally love them SO much dude i dont have enough words they have so many issues we should feed them ibuprofen by the spoonful and put them in a blender

[meruz]

hi im putting all my asks in one post again. these are from like the past month and a half approx? some digimon thoughts some tmnt thoughts some art musings u know the usual

@waywardistics YAYY thank you so much for ordering! I'm glad it got to you & that you are enjoying it!

this is kind of a missive to everyone who ordered but: I am very nervous about pre-orders whenever I do them... nervous that not very many people will order, nervous that there will be supply chain or production dilemmas and I won't be able to get copies out to people in a timely fashion, nervous about having people's money but having an indeterminate amt of time where i have not yet "held up my part of the bargain" etc etc SO. THANK U GUYS...FOR ORDERING and being patient and im so glad it got to y'all

@seanonthemoon (idk why i cant tag u BUT) interesting... i gotta be honest I don't think abt the crests that much. i agree that they're very much like heres the "girl" crest heres the "nerd boy" crest etc to the point that it becomes almost meaningless. but i think what makes them even more meaningless to me, and is probably the reason they kind of designated girl/boy crests etc is that i think like the digivices they're toys and merchandise more than they are actual narrative tools LOL. I wouldve loved something with cody and mimi! theyre both so deeply empathetic and sensitive.. theres a lot they share but i think because they look so different on the surface it would make it difficult to market that merch...booo capitalism boooo toy marketing its all sexist bullshit at least here in the u.s. idk if japan is that different though.

I'm actually a little frustrated with how often 02 and 02 related media squanders cody in general lol. he feels like a parallel of izzy, joe, and TK(season 1 tk) while also being kind of none of those and suffering through lackluster characterization as a result... and then once ken joins the team it feels a little redundant. there's a couple cody-centric eps of 02 I remember really liking but then i think abt how he's been used since in like post-series content and 02:the beginning where they made him type on the computer even though obviously that's yoleis thing but because he had nothing else to do and aghh... my blood boils. i feel like the youngest but most serious anime achetype even at its bare bones is actually rly interesting idk why they don't play it up. UM. Once again my opinion is that he should be taller LOL and maybe they should play up his kendo martial arts honorable training stuff more idk. tallest + youngest + most serious just seems like a recipe for success for me. well. theres still time. and theres always fanfic.

THIS IS SO NICE TO SAY and not the first time someone has said it but i appreciate it everytime because i really admire the mm art style so much. It's like part of why I got really into the movie because I really recognized my own artistic sensibilities and aspirations in the way they stylized everything.

UM And i feel like since watching the movie and looking at all the concept art and making my own art i do feel like its only become more obvious how much my own art is lacking LOL LIKE when you see something that feels so similar I think the differences only become more stark. those artists are definitely on a different level than me. But it's nice to hear people say it doesn't look so different from their pov. thank u ^^

thank u!!!!!!! i love mundanity and naturalism... there's something so beautiful abt it to me lol... I feel like my anatomy needs work actually but ive been feeling better abt it this year so it's good to hear! thank you!

DLKGDSGDLALSNDF WAS IT TOO FAR..?? firstly, yeah I was thinking late teen/young adult ages for both of them ie 18-19ish, definitely not the age the kids are in the movie lol.

but also they arent DOING anything in that pic it is literally just a confrontation + some innuendo... I think teens should be allowed some less than subtle innuendo.. its like one of the top 3 classically teen pastimes...

this is such a funny ask to get because i feel like i haven't been able to do thin lineart until like. this past year or two maybe LOL. UM having a line-centric art job helped I think. I started on craig of the creek back in 2022 and thats a show where we spend a lot of time inking so I had a job where I was constantly moderating my line weight 40 hours a week every week for over a year. disappointingly, much of improvement is simply horrendous amounts of practice.

Here's a tip though: I think a lot of thin lineart boils down to confidence. I think instinctively we read thick, bold, fast lines as confident but theres actually a lot of obscuring you can do with a thick line. if you're not sure whether the nose on the face or a browline should be a little more left or a little more down you can hide that with a thick line and pretend its a shadow. or hide it with a bunch of quick lines and the eye can kind of approximate where looks best among the mass.. whereas a thin line is rly singular and stark and hides nothing, it needs to be precise. so anytime i know i want thin lineart i spend a LOT of time sketching, making sure i know exactly where i want my lines to go. so im not second guessing by the time im inking...

ok thats kind of a broad tip lol... here's one thats more applicable: IF POSSIBLE, lower your pressure sensitivity on your device. most devices have some way to edit your pressure sensitivity curve. I use a surface pro at home and this is what my pressure curve looks like most of the time.

When I work on a wacom it looks even more like a reverse L shape LOL. I'm naturally a really heavy-handed artist and I use a "light" or "hard" pressure curve to compensate for how hard I'm always pressing on the pen lol. if you're like me and you struggle with going too hard with the ink too fast... this will probably help a lot!

SFHASLDFH I LOVE THIS ASK this is like the type of question a person gets asked when chalk drawing on the sidewalk at recess LOL. but i understand because I've been struggling also for like. months. I think I'm finally starting to nail it down though so here's some of my observations.

[feel free to save this img but **please do not re-post it or share broadly**. my biggest fear in the world is to spend 30 min on some notes and become a widely proliferated art tutorial im not even kidding. i made it low contrast and difficult to read on purpose.]

my other tip is to just look at and study a lot of reference because that's all ive been doing. the tmnt are really cartoony so its difficult to use like actual anatomical reference unless ur going for that look BUT theres been so many adaptions in so many different styles that there's a real treasure trove of stuff to look at for how to simplify, stylize, and dissect these characters while keeping the recognizable essence. so theres lots to pull from.

If you want to expand further, it's also good to have 5) something sci-fi 6)something fantasy 7)something mundane/slice of life. a bedroom is a really good go-to. And of course some bgs can be two or more of these things at once.

I've definitely answered asks abt bg tips before but here's one specifically for if you want to do bg design for a job:

Your portfolio should probably have at least one of each of the following 1) an interior 2) an exterior 3) a cityscape 4) a nature scene. Just to cover kind of the basics of what you'd be asked to draw on any given project.

I actually feel like I don't have that many cityscrapes in my portfolio... this is something I'm gonna try to work on in the coming year LOL. OH ALSO. This is a very basic tip and people will tell you it all the time but its worth repeating: look up portfolio websites of artists who have the job you want. An easy way to do this is to go onto imdb for any cartoon or movie you like and to find the names listed as "bg/background designer" or whatever then just google that name +"art" or "animation" most artists have some public facing internet presence so it's not hard. spend time studying their work and hold those images in your head! it's a good way to get a good idea of what "industry standard" looks like and comparing ur own art to it... I know people sometimes get bummed comparing their art to others but if you can keep your head up lol.. it'll help you figure out what you need to work on!

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ok thats all i have to say sorry for typing so much. happy new year everybody who read this far LMAO!!!!!

[brainrotgobrr]

finished the teal mask and oh boy do i have thoughts…

(SPOILERS FOR THE NEW DLC IF YOU DONT WANT SPOILERS PLS DO NOT READ)

god. kieran. kieran is so refreshing from a character perspective. kieran is like the anti-hop. it kind of feels like he’s the protagonist and we’re the classic jerk rival, doesn’t it? this guy clearly has Issues and i really like that, im enjoying this sort of “why can’t i beat you” rival trope that gamefreak’s been doing lately. they nearly did it with hop but with kieran they’re really going full in. the character arc that kieran went through in this dlc was actually difficult for me to watch, seeing this poor boy destroy himself mentally. the first time i battled him for the final time i actually lost, and i was hoping that he would get to keep ogerpon because altho shes cute and i adore her, i felt so bad. but ofc thats not the way the cookie crumbles. kieran is socially awkward, he doesn’t know how to communicate, and he’s never had a true friend. then florian/juliana comes along and suddenly there’s someone who seems to genuinely enjoy hanging out with him that isn’t, yknow, related to him. but then that person that he was so eager to trust goes along and begins befriending and helping a pokemon that hes adored all your life behind his back. i relate to kieran a lot and ofc yknow the absolute maniac arc hes about to go through is probably not healthy but i rlly hope this ends up being good for him. he idolized ogerpon because of how he related to her story, not because of the actual living creature she is. i wouldnt be surprised if it turns out he doesnt value his pokemon as actual living creatures either. i could see him being like a reverse silver, as he grows colder growing to not even care about his pokemon.

on the other hand, carmine! carmine was such a delight, i was genuinely not expecting to enjoy her as much as i did. sure, she also has Issues and has probably been a negative effect on her brother, but at the end of the day she is also just a kid. she probably has no idea what shes doing, and i dont think shed ever hurt kieran. she went through a lot of growth in the dlc and i can see her trying to become a better person with the help of florian/juliana and repairing her odd relationship with kieran.

also, it seems like she kind of has to play a parental role for kieran, as its implied that their parents arent around. thats another thing that separates kieran and carmine from siblings like hop and leon (and oh my god im just realizing all the parallels between hop and leon and kieran and carmine). its implied that the galar bros had a good childhood, and hops Issues dont start until hes set off on his journey and leon is a full adult with an actual life. with the kitakami siblings, if you read between the lines you can tell that theyve had a harder time growing up. with carmines comments on tourism and how it’s negatively effected their town and give her Trust Issues, that obviously fucked them both up a little, seeing that people only valued their hometown as an attraction, and that they themselves were a part of that attraction. and of course we dont know what the issue was with their parents. also, why are they going to school in unova? (side not oh my god it is so obvious that we’re going to get bw remakes in gen 9 or a legends unova game)

kitakami is such an interesting region. obviously its tiny, it has one town and then everything else is just untamed land. i feel like something Else is going on here. or maybe its just small idk

i love ogerpon a lot i think shes adorable and i love that we got to run around with her before she joined our team and it makes the whole “ten year old catches legendary thing” feel more realistic

also why are ogerpon and the loyal three legendaries i feel like they should be mythicals them being legendary feels Wrong

anyways these were my silly thoughts on the dlc and i hope kieran turns out to be the bb leagues champion (pulling a blue) and also i dont trust briar now time to finish my pokedex and talk to legends arceus pandering i mean perrin and if i see anyone call carmine a terrible person i will trade away your ev trained competitive team ok bye

(also this scene made me emotional)

[jelifishi]

hai guys i dont really care if you like kyman or not but PLEASE don’t harass me or anyone else who likes it over it. the back button is right there and hell you could even block me. if you want to honestly debate id be cool w that but like dude yea i know its toxic as hell, I’d definitely say the tumblr community is MUCH calmer than the tt/twitter community on this topic but honestly i feel like a lot of people just pull out reasons from their ass to hate on it and refuse to have an open mind and actually listen to people. I would know because I used to be a kyman hater myself who refused to listen to reason, additionally I was really scared of openly being a kymannie because of the hatred around it in the community. Most of us here are adults or at the very least older teenagers from what I’ve seen and I think that’s the key difference as to why this place is a lot calmer than other places.

I honestly think that if antis actually like, weren’t so scared of being a kymannie they might actually listen to reason. now please note that this post is NOT to try and convince you to like kyman but its instead to try and convince you to not be a little bitch about it online if you dislike it. a lot of people forget that there is someone behind the screen and do you really need to make someone’s day worse over ship preferences ffs?? I honestly don’t get the big deal around shipping in communities and how much it’s hated on, sure I have ships i like and dislike but honestly i dont care what you like. Shipping drama is way too huge in communities and maybe this is just because im aroace but really it’s about how interesting of a story it is for me. I dont care if it’s healthy or not I just want it to be interesting. The only ships i really dislike are for trauma reasons. I’m not a proshipper nor do I support proshipping online, and I am a firm believer that kyman is not proship, but I do think that severe harrassment over ships EVEN proships isn’t a good thing. the block button is right there, just because you dont like something or support it doesnt mean you have to tell someone to off themselves. getting into petty internet arguments over which construction paper kids you think should be in a relationship is just immature.

also yes ) i know im being a little hater about people that are being haters but im sick of it and it affects people. also i dont harass people if they hate on kyman because its not worth my time

[alcorian]

thinkgni about transformers agere…

earthspark bumblebee who regresses in secret to cope with the stress of suddenly being a co-parent to 7 children when he barely feels like an adult himself

when the kids are out for the day, he sits in the barn and regresses. acting like a sparkling, playing with the little human tools, drawing in the dirt, fluttering his wings in ways that are natural but that he was eventually taught was rude/distracting, and chewing on scrap metal (i hc that sparklings eat a lot of metal, and adult cybertronians still can, its just not necessary to eat as much) (dottie wonders why there are tin sheets with bite marks in them on their property. is one of the terrans alien-teething or something?)

bee being found by alex while regressed and panicking because he thinks alex is gonna judge him, especially because alex looks up to him and primus there are so many people who look up to him all of a sudden--

he's trying to become big again but he cant do it super suddenly, so he just starts to cry, the sparkling in his mind getting overwhelmed. hides his helm in his hands and rotates his wings down to look small, a subconscious "please dont be mad at me" in his body language

and alex isnt 100% sure what's happening but what he does know is that he doesnt want bee to be upset, so he starts trying to calm him down. he picks up on his childlike state and starts using methods that used to calm his kids down when they were smaller. he uses his softest voice, gives him a gentle pat on the knee (because he cant reach his shoulder, even when bee is trying to be small) and helps him take deep breaths. maybe he has a funny little routine he used to do to distract the kids from whatever was making them hurt, or a uniquely terrible dad joke that always made the kids snort and giggle through their tears.

once bee is a little more present, no longer crying, and somewhere in between big and little, alex asks him whats going on and bumblebee tries to explain but some of his big-kid words are still difficult so he starts and stops a couple times trying to find the words. he finally says "acting like a sparkling helps me. when im sad. please dont be mad. i dont do it around the kids."

he's worried that alex will think he's being irresponsible, or weird, or weird and irresponsible. but alex just listens to him ramble about why it helps and what he does when he's little. he slowly starts to use bigger and more "mature" words until he's finally out of littlespace entirely.

alex assures him that he doesnt have a problem with bumblebee doing this, and he's sure dottie wont either, and its actually a really creative way to deal with stress. and he says he doesnt have to hide out here in the barn, he can always hang out with alex while little. alex "what's one more kid, i already have seven" malto

[steffigraf]

warning for a clearly anxiety-ridden oversharing freakout below the cut. sorry. i’m too sensitive and i’m unfortunately acutely aware of it.

tldr; im being a drama queen. gonna take a tumblr break for a week or two. to my mutuals, feel free to dm for my insta. i’ll be active until i wake up tomorrow morning and then i’m gonna zip

gonna preface this by saying this is in no way directed to the people whom i actually talk to constantly on here like you lot were lovely and im just dealing with a lot of demons in my head :(

anyway. sometimes i feel more like a product manufacturer than a person on here. and idk. i know most of you guys are really just following me for gifs and content and whatever but. yeah. idk. i guess the things i say don’t matter to anyone unless it’s funny. or if people want to call me out. not that im mad abt that exactly btw i do appreciate when people respectfully call me out for my own mistakes but. sometimes. i feel like im in a fishbowl and you’re all just waiting for me to say something wrong and cancel me. or then again, maybe most of you already think im a shit person and you just stay for the gifs. or maybe you guys think i’m a loser who has nothing to do but spend all day on this goddamn website.

and i know, somewhere inside me, that that’s not true and that it’s clearly the anxiety talking. maybe it’s just me maybe i’m making this up in my head i dunno. but i’m just kinda tired right now. too tired to battle the anxiety like usual at least. and i don’t really feel wanted outside of the content i produce, beyond the notes of my gifs or my fun posts. which ik shouldn’t matter but. i’m a pathological people pleaser etc etc.

(god, seeing this all typed out, i can’t even fucking blame you guys if you actly don’t like me cause. i kinda wanna shake myself by the shoulders and tell myself get a grip girl the world doesn’t revolve around you shut up shut up shut your damn mouth—)

i’ve been trying to manage by unfollowing and blocking a few people (which btw, if i did that to you and we used to be mutuals, it’s probably nothing personal i mostly just kept people i’m a bit closer to). but i’m still not really settled. and considering how i’m posting like every other day about feeling like shit, you guys probably figured that out lmao.

and well. on a separate note. seeing that rat’s name alone is too much for me sometimes. i couldn’t watch his game with carlos. i spent hours in his match with daniil turned away from the television, wearing noise canceling headphones while trying (and failing) to talk myself down from a full blown anxiety attack. i’ve said this before but the way people talk about him, both the fucked up silence and the justified outrage, it reminds me way too much about a family problem i have right now. hits uncomfortably close to home. prior to this i kinda thought i’d made my peace with the whole family situation but no apparently not. had he won the semis, i wasn’t even sure if i would be able to stomach cheering for jannik if it meant having to watch that man play.

so. idk. between the way actual tennis has been making me feel and the way tennisblr in general has seemed for me lately, i figure i need some space.

long story short ive been spending way too much time on tumblr this ao. and its gotten really bad for my mental health i guess. so i think i need to take maybe a week or two, to clear my head. watch tennis without opening this app every other point. spend time with people i love. get back to therapy. try to be a functioning adult.

(this is so fucking dramatic for a goddamn week of no tumblr i know that and i want to smack myself upside the head because why am i like this why do i make things snowball why why why—)

anyway. yeah. that’s it. if you actually read through all of that then. thanks. if not it’s okay too.

to my mutuals, the ones whom i’ve had at least some form of friendly interaction with in replies or dms, you can ask for my insta account btw. not that i’m crazy active on there but like. if you guys wanna be friends beyond the anonymity of this yknow. no pressure though.

[ibelongto-tylergalpin]

OH MY GOSH can I maybe possibly request Steve x Eddie’s sister/sibling!reader I’m so excited you wrote for him like- love u byeeee

YES. YES. YES YES YES FINALLY LORD YES IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS OH LORD YES ILY ILY ILY YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW WIDE MY SMILE IS RN ILYSM IM SO HAPPY RN

*One of the gayest photos ive seen but we'll talk abt that another time*

*Nother lil side note: I went to get water and when I came back this gif was on my screen AND I SQUEALED AND GIGGLED. THATS WHAT KINDA HOLD THIS MAN HAS OVER ME. ok imma stfu and let you get to reading* *LAST ONE I SWEAR: Listened to this while writing:) .... and this :)))*

~OKAY SO YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GIDDY I AM RN CAUSE STEVE HARRINGTON CAN SMASH MY FACE IN WITH HIS BAT anyways :)

~Yall actually met before the Vecna stuff

~You're in your senior year for the FIRST time unlike your idiot brother Eddie

~You're not in hellfire but you do spend A LOT of time with them

~Literally the mom of the group

~You have other friends that you'd gladly hang out with but you stay with them because the minute you leave one of them is gonna end up somehow missing a finger

~They need adult supervision at all times and youre the best they got even though Eddie is literally a year older than you

~You were the one who convinced Eddie to invite Mike, Dustin, and Lucas to Hellfire (He didn't wanna at first cause they were "shrimpy freshmen" his words not mine)

~Dustin excitedly ranting to Steve about the group when he first joined

~"He's so cool! He gets on the table n shit and doesnt give a shit about what people say"

~"Dude I don't wanna hear about Eddie 'The Freak' Munson"

~"He has a sister y'know... she's 18. She's pretty awesome too. And single"

~"Well that's great for her" (mf started zoning dustin out at this point poor dustybun)

~Dustin thinks you'd be so fucking perfect for Steve so whenever he sees him he always always always finds some way to work your name into the conversation

~He starts doing the same to you poor boy is set on this ship and will not give up till it sails

~Eddie gets so pissed whenever Dustin brings up Steve. His mood noticeably changes but Dustin, being Dustin, can't take the hint

~You cant be mean to Dustin cause you find him so sweet and adorable so you just endure it even though you have really no intention of talking to Steve 'The Hair' Harrington

~Literally 3-4 months had passed and Dustin was still talking you up to Steve and vice versa even though the two of you still hadn't met

~The Hellfire club was hanging out at the trailer park and when everyone was leaving you heard Dustin say he was gonna go to the video store so you decided to drive him cause you borrowed Robin's history notes cause you ditched class

~You took Eddies keys while he was using the restroom and made sure to leave before he could yell at you for stealing his car again

~You went inside with Dustin and he introduced you and Steve

~"Steve! This is Y/n"

~He gave you a small nod, unaware of what to do. You tried to match his awkward energy so you just gave him a small wave

`"I'm Steve"

~"I know. Little Dustin over here doesn't shut up about you"

~Dustin has the widest smile on his face seeing the two of you meet for the first time but it immediately drops when he hears you call him "little"

~"Hey what the hell"

~"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it 'Dustybun'" you said as you messed with his hair

~"I've told you already! Only Suzie calls me that!"

~You start laughing at Dustins face cause he looks so pissed and oml when Steve hears you laugh his heart MELTS

~He loves the way you treat Dustin

~Its hasn't even been a minute but mans is already down bad for you

~"Anyways, is Robin here? I borrowed her history notes and I'm just here to drop off little dustybun and give her her notes back"

~"Stop calling me Dustybun!"

~"Uh she's not here yet but she should be in about 15 minutes"

~"Oh alright. Can you give these to her when she gets here then?"

~"I mean or you could stay? Y'know, make sure she gets the notes safely. Plus it'd give me a chance to get to know you better..."

~THE WAYS DUSTINS FACE LIGHTS UP I SWEAR

~You stand there for a second contemplating it. You were curious to get to know more about Steve Harrington, especially since Dustin was constantly talking about him. Eddie will kill you if you have his car for too long without asking though, which was even more of a reason to stay. God you love pissing your brother off.

~"Well what do you wanna know Harrington?"

~The two hit it off surprisingly well

~So well in fact that even after you give Robin her notes, you stay longer

~The moment you leave Steve's decided that he's in love. Like thats that. His search for the right woman is over. He's found you and he's gonna try his damnedest to win your heart

~When you got back to your trailer Eddie was fuming

~He was sitting on the couch with his arms crossed and his leg bouncing up and down while staring at the door

~"My my, what ever is wrong dear brother?"

~"What have I told you about taking my car without permission?!?"

~"Relax I was only gone for 30 minutes"

~"YOU WERE GONE FOR 2 HOURS! What were you even doing?! I thought you were just dropping off Henderson!"

~"I stayed a bit longer to talk to Steve"

"Harrington?!"

~"No Eddie, fucking Steven Spielberg"

~Steve constantly bugging Dustin about you and asking him random ass questions about you

~Dustin deciding to be his wing-man for once, he's always asking you to drive him to the video store

~Constantly stealing Eddies car to take Dustin

~Every time you drop him off, you always stay for an extra hour just talking with Steve

~He tries to flirt with you but he gets so nervous when you're around he becomes Scoops Ahoy Steve again

~Dustin and Robin literally face palming whenever he says something stupid but you finding his failed flirting attempts absolutely adorable

~Eddie constantly asking you what's up with you and Harrington

~Telling him you're just friends but him continuing to nag you

~Eventually having enough with your brother bs so you throw a pillow in his face

~Him throwing one back

~Munson sibling pillow fights>>>>>>

~3 months of you and Steve talking at the video store and he still hasn't asked you out

~Robin and Dustin taking bets on when he'll finally confess

~You constantly go to the video store to talk with Steve, with or without Dustin

~One day you were sitting on the counter reading your book while Steve worked and all of a sudden he just kinda blurted the words "movie theater"

~You looked up from your book to see him looking at you

~"Huh?"

~"I, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies with me"

~"Only on one condition"

~Yeah..?"

~"You let me pick the movie"

~Steve regained his confidence and the two of you started going back and forth as you always did, laughing and talking

~The two of you decided that Steve would pick you up at 7 and you would surprise him with the movie

~"Wait so let me get this straight. Steve 'The Hair' Harrington... asked you out on a date?"

~"Jeez don't sound so surprised. Your little sister is a very desirable woman"

~"Yeah, sure" Eddie said as he scoffed and rolled his eyes

~"Anyways, it's not a date. At least I don't think it is"

~"You've been hanging out with Steve Harrington every day for the past 3 months. It's a date."

~"Go away and let me finish getting ready please"

~"Sure. Meanwhile I can dust off my 'Protective Older Brother' speech"

~"I will hurt you. Get out. Now."

~"What exactly are your intentions with my little sister, Harrington?" Eddie said, mockingly

~"Out!" You said as you threw a pillow with him and he ran out cackling

~At almost 7 exactly, you saw Steve's car pull up to the trailer and you checked yourself really quickly in the mirror before going to meet him at the door, but much to your dismay, Eddie opened the door before you could get there

~"Hey, uh, is Y/n ready?"

~You could HEAR the nervousness in his voice

~"Depends, who's asking?"

~"Eddie, don't be an ass"

~"Sorry Y/n/n, it's habit by now" (God I can just picture his cocky ass smile)

~You roll your eyes before greeting Steve

~"Hey Harrington"

~"H-hey. You ready, gorgeous?"

~Meanwhile Eddie is gagging his soul out behind you after hearing that

~Idk bout yall but I would just combust right then and there... anyways :)

~Steve holds out his hand to help you down the steps and you gladly take it

~As the two of you walk towards his car you turn around to see Eddie still standing in the doorway and you silently jump up and down to show him your excitement

~Has the cutest big brother smile on his face after seeing how excited you are

~Steve opens the door for you and Eddie shouts to the two of you

~"Hey! You better keep your hands to yourself Harrington!"

~You flip him off through the open car window

~No cause why can I picture Steve almost FALLING when trying to walk around the front of the car to get to the drivers seat. You can't tell me you don't see it. Argue with the wall. I do every day... lets not get into my psychological issues and get back to the story :D

~As the two of you are driving there you sing along to the songs on the radio together

~"So what movie are we watching?"

~"You'll see when we get there"

~You guys finally get there and walk up to the ticket booth

~"Two tickets for Clue please"

~"Really?! Clue?! Haven't you seen that movie 4 times already?"

~"5 times actually. Plus you've never seen it! You cant go through your life never having watched Clue!"

~You reach into your pocket to pull out your wallet and Steve sees

~"Put that away. I'm paying"

~"No you're not. I chose the movie, I pay"

"You may have chosen the movie, but I'm the one who asked you out"

~"You barely asked me! All you said was 'movie theaters'"

"I'm paying!"

~"No you're not!"

~As you tried to pull your money out, Steve snatched your wallet out of you hand and you stared at him in disbelief

~"Uh! Gimme my wallet back Harrington!"

~"No! You'll get it back after our date."

~"Oh so this is a date?" you asked teasingly

"Oh, uh, I mean if you want it to be"

~The way his vibe quickly deteriorated after realizing what he said

~"Okay fine. I'll get my wallet back after our date"

~Ion wanna be cheesy, but imma be cheesy cause its Steve motherfucking Harrington

~The classic both hands in the popcorn bucket thing happened (if you dont know what that is, its this thing in movies and shows when the love interests go to the movies and reach for popcorn and there hands touch and they get all awkward and flustered)

~Steve did the stupid thing where he slowly inched his hand closer to yours so he could eventually hold it but you could clearly see what he was trying to do, so you moved his drink onto the ground, lifted the arm rest, and lifted his arm around your shoulder and laid against his chest

~He was flustered as hell. He was not expecting you to do that

~After the movie he drove you home and you could tell he was nervous the entire way

~He walked you to the door but you dragged him to the back of the trailer where there was no window cause you knew Eddie would watch if you guys said goodbye in front of the door

~Before he could comprehend what you were doing, you put your hands around his neck and pulled him down and kissed him

~He was shocked at first but eventually gave into the kiss and wrapped his hands around your waist as he pulled you a lot closer to him (rail me rn like pretty please)

~Once you guys broke apart for air, he rested his forehead against yours

~"I've wanted to do that since the moment I laid eyes on you"

~The two of you stayed there like that for about a minute or two

~You kissed him one more time, this time reaching into his pocket and taking your wallet back

~You gave him one last peck on the lips before running inside

~When he got to his car he was fist-bumping the air and freaking out stop he was so excited

~You walked into the trailer and it was pitch black

~When you turned the lights on you saw Eddie and your uncle sitting on the couch with their arms crossed as they stared at you, which obviously made you jump

~"What the hell are you guys doing?! Why are you sitting there like a couple of weirdos?! God!"

~"We're the ones asking the questions here missy!" Eddie yelled

~Clearly they were both fucking with you since they loved to poke fun at you all the time

"Did he try anything?" Your uncle asked looking more serious that Eddie did

~You sighed and rolled your eyes

~"No he didn't try anything Uncle Wayne"

~"Woooow! So what, does he think you're not good enough?!" Eddie yelled once again

~"What?! No! I mean we kissed a few time but-"

~"You what?! You shouldn't be kissing anyone till your at least 30!" Eddie screamed as he stood up

~"I'm going to sleep. You two make me wanna off myself"

~Your uncle laughed and Eddie walked over to you before you could walk away and he pulled you into a hug

~"You seem happier since he came around. I'm happy for you"

~You wrapped your arms around him, smiling at your older brothers kind words when all of a sudden his grip tightened

~"Let him know that I said if he ever hurts you there is not a place on earth he can hide. I will hunt him down for the rest of my life if I have to and I will make sure he suffers."

~"Alright get off me" you said as you shoved him away in disgust and your uncle laughed in the background

~"Night baby sis!"

~You didn't say anything and just flipped him off as you walked to go to bed

~The next day you walked into the video store and the minute Steve saw you he ran towards you and pulled you into a kiss

~Robin and Dustin hadn't known about your guys date so they were very surprised

~"Fork it over Robin" Dustin said as he stuck his hand out

~"You guys couldn't wait one more month?!" Robin said as she gave Dustin 10 bucks

~Steve driving you to and from school

~You and Robin bullying him in the car

~Friday night date nights

~Lots and lots of cuddles

~PDA PDA PDA

~Trying so hard to get Eddie and Steve to get along but they just won't budge

~Steve meeting your uncle and winning him over

~Steves parents absolutely adoring you

~Steves mom thinks you're "a nice break from all those trashy girls he used to date"

~PDA

~Going on late night drives cause why not

~Hellfire going crazy when Dustin brags about the fact that you and Steve are dating

~"You're actually dating Steve Harrington?!"

~Eddie yelling shut up the way he did in episode 1 when everyone gets rowdy

~He hates hearing about your relationship mainly because your his baby sister, but the fact that he doesn't like Steve is a factor

~P D A he is all about PDA

~You guys never actually had the whole Bf/gf talk

~It just kinda slipped out on accident and he didn't even notice

~Your first "I love you" was when he got attacked in the upside down and you jumped in after him

~Nancy getting a bit weird with you because youre dating her ex, but she sees how good you are for him and the two of you actually hit it off

~Dance parties with him are a must

~He takes you to skull rock but its all cute n stuff he like laid blankets down and had snacks and you guys just laid there cuddling while staring at the stars and talking

~Thats actually when he let "girlfriend" slip out

~"You're the best girlfriend anyone could every ask for, y'know that right?"

~Ended up accidentally falling asleep there and Eddie freaking out when you got home cause he was worried

~I cannot stress this enough but I'll try. Public Display of Affection !!!!

~On your guys night drives you sit on his lap in the backseat and you guys have fallen asleep there multiple times

~One time you guys even fell asleep after you were parked in front of the trailer and you didnt feel like going in yet

~Basically hes just one of the best boyfriends you could ever have and now i wanna cry cause I know I'll never have this

[jacenotjason]

Can we just get some rambles about your AU, like nothing specific, just like little details you haven’t had the ask or idea to express artistically? I just love any little details about this AU (Howdy’s little finger beans)

AAAAA oh my god YES here’s some rambles from the depth that is this AU! Random factoids and snippets and hehehheheh

(Oh hey and checkout the AU itself!)

Hiding this under a ‘readmore’ becasue FUCK I WENT ON A RANT HAUIDA- i tried to stop i swear

OPEN THE FLOOD GATES!!

I HAVE PLAYLISTS FOR ALL THE CHARACTERS!! Ive been thinking about how to share them for awhile bc I LOVE these playlists and they help my brain rot on this AU but mm! Just wanted to get that out there im holding onto these

Something people didn’t catch was that in this animation, which is supposed to take place around the time Eddie moved into the neighborhood, he had his mail hat! But, currently, he doesn’t! That’s not because he lost it, Howdy actually stole it! Howdy immediately attempted to scam Eddie when he first arrived, stealing his hat and trying to sell it back to him, but he did not know that Eddie would not give a fuck. Howdy thought Eddie cared way more about his job then he actually does. So, Eddie’s hat is still currently decaying under Howdy’s desk.

All the characters have trauma or something depressing about them… except Julie! I’m not sure why but I just.. never came up with something reasonable for her backstory. I came up with a lot of ideas, but a lot of them seemed to cliche and controversial? Like, one of my ideas was some sort of sex working trauma, but I thought oooh of course you gave the most feminine character the sex working backstory! Another idea was eating disorder trauma, but again, ooh i gave the fem one the ED! The same thing happened with SA trauma, it all just felt so… cliche. And I felt like I would get a lot of backlash if I tried to implement this. So.. im still working on it!

^ originally Franks backstory was going to be completely SA related, but I changed that. Still not spoiling how, though.

^^ also I really liked the sex working idea! Because I think it would be interesting if thats how Eddie and her met. Not that Eddie bought sex from her, but that they like worked together and slowly became friends! Eddie kept her safe n stuff, beat the shit out of ppl that didnt pay yknow? Explored a deeper level of understanding between them

Ive been daydreaming about attempting to make my own little bootleg “play fellow exhibition” not nearly to the extent that Clown did, but just some sort of fake “restored” things! Maybe even fake interviews with those that remember the show! Ive even recorded some lines, of my own voice, of fake voice clips restored from the show. I haven’t had the confidence to post any of them just yet aa. I think my Eddie impression is IMPECCABLE though. Maybe bc I have a southern accent

^ also if this isnt obvious this AU is still a show being restored by a team, the show is just the adult parody ive created here. Ill be sure to specify if i ever post something restoration-lore-related!

The number of fingers they have is inconsistent, and that is not lore related! I am just an idiot! You might notice that sometimes they have 5, sometimes they have 4. I.. have no actual reason for this. I literally just.. forget! Im literally currently drawing a piece with Julie and Sally where they both have 5 fingers. Why?? Bc the reference I used was of two human girls so!! Just wanted to put it out there, that is not on purpose

I hide a lot of secrets in my art. Bc its fun. If you ever see something in my art thats a little too dark, feel free to up the brightness and see what you find. Does something sort of look like Morse code? Feel free to try it out! I’ll give you a hint, I have used both of these techniques to hide secrets in my art already. The Morse code one is really hard to find, though, so props to you if you find it!

I like to think that the AU’s show is like Rick and Morty. It started out this comedic, very clearly adult-humored show, but slowly the characters had lore! People started watching not for the humor but for the interesting characters. Like when Rick was revealed to have a depressing story with his wife and all that, it was the same as when ppl first found out about Frank’s strange amnesia and PTSD. Like “?? Who put lore in my funny adult comedy??” Yknow what i mean

^ i like to think there was some mind-bending moment where it was revealed Frank doesnt remember anything about his childhood and everyone watching was like :O

Originally in the show, (like season one), the characters were the way they are to make fun of those things. Confusing, but what i mean is that Poppy was a trans woman to make fun of trans people, Eddie and Frank were to make jokes about gay ppl, etc. but SIKE once the show got more seasons and got lift off they became actual characters instead of just jokes! The creators just wanted to make ppl love the show before they made the gay characters actually have personalities, so they couldn’t get cancelled prematurely! HA SUCKERS!!

FFUck okay i think i got it all out of me?? Idk feel free to ask again in like a month maybe more shit will have accumulated in my brain

[sineala]

Superheroes and Aging

Meta time! I was asked (on Patreon) to write meta about how Tony Stark might deal with feelings about aging and being surrounded by The Youth. I am reposting it here.

I have to say this has also been on my mind a lot. I will say it's a weird thing growing up being into comics and being a fan of the teenage X-Men because obviously they were the most relatable and then being as old as all the adult superheroes and now being older than all the adult superheroes, who have all been basically the same age for decades as the rest of us move on past them. At least they finally aged up the original crop of teenage heroes and have been replacing them with new ones.

So the thing about superheroes in Marvel Comics, as you probably know, is that they pretty much don't age. Initially, this wasn't really a thing Marvel worried about. It was the sixties and they'd made comics cool and profitable again and kids loved them and I'm pretty sure they weren't thinking that sixty years later people (grown adults, even!) would still be reading and loving and expanding on the universe they made. Because I think if that had been the case they'd have, say, fewer villains that really sound like someone thought of them in about thirty seconds at 5 pm on a Friday and then went home. Big Wheel, a guy who has a... big wheel. Swarm, a guy (I mean, he's not really... human) who is actually a group of bees. Nazi bees. Paste-Pot Pete. You know what I mean.

Anyway, at first Marvel heroes aged, because why wouldn't they? Despite what you would guess if you only watched adaptations, it only took, I think, a couple years for Peter Parker to grow up and leave high school. The original X-Men all stopped being teenagers. Time moved on. Then after about ten years Marvel figured out it was going to be a problem if their beloved heroes were too old to be superheroes and they more or less halted the aging process. And that's how we get the Marvel Sliding Timescale. Broadly stated, the Sliding Timescale is essentially "don't worry about it." Everything you are reading right now happens right now, the beginning (the FF getting their powers) happened about ten or fifteen years ago (I think right now it's closer to 15 and we're at four RL years = one comics year), and everything else that has ever happened in 616 -- because Marvel also doesn't believe in line-wide reboots -- is wedged in somewhere in the time between. As real time passes, the sliding timescale slides events closer and closer together because more events have now happened.

So the effect of this is that heroes don't age. I think this is actually most notable with child characters -- like, ask yourself how old Franklin and Valeria Richards are. Or don't. I think Dani Cage has been a toddler for about fifteen years now. So the founding Avengers started off in their early 20s, are now in their mid-30s, and are going to continue being in their mid-30s for the foreseeable future because Marvel doesn't want its heroes being over 40. I think there have been a couple IM issues where Tony has had "significant" birthdays that they carefully avoided putting a number on -- I think one was Bendis, and I know he had a surprise party in the Gillen issue with the adoption reveal. I want to say that maybe there was also a Fraction one? I'm not sure.

The time references have occasionally been lampshaded -- the most recent Iron Man issue as I write this (#6) has Tony asserting that he doesn't remember things by what year they happened in, but rather by what armor he had at the time. He goes on to tell a story of something that happened while he wore the Silver Centurion armor, throwing in an aside that the shoulder pads were fashionable then -- and, out of the armor, he is given his usual stylish perm; the artist has definitely been inspired by Bob Layton's later Iron Man work -- which for me has the disconcerting effect of making it sound like this is somehow taking place in the 80s and also not in the 80s at the same time. Because now they've invented an extra time for shoulder pads and perms to be fashionable and it's approximately 2015. Time is fake. No, actually. It is.

And building on that, I think the effect of that is that mostly they don't seem to have characters like Tony dealing with aging. He doesn't really seem to worry about it, probably because there can't be any narrative payoff if he's simply never allowed to age. (Steve gets it even more weirdly, because a lot of times fandom assumes the serum is just going to halt or slow aging -- as it does in people like Natasha who have serum variants -- but then in universes where significant time actually passes, like House of M, Steve is visibly older, and he definitely is meant to have the serum. Or Bullet Points, where Steve, minus the serum, is actually dealing with aging as he comes out of retirement for one last mission. Which kills him, because it turns out he probably was too old to do this safely. But then in 616 we're expected to believe that Steve can lose the serum and also be mostly combat-ready at age 95. Aaanyway.)

So what if Tony did worry about getting older? Based on how he interacts with the kids these days, I think mostly his worry actually wouldn't involve other people.

For all that intelligence in Marvel seems to be a single invariant and quantifiable statistic that can be accurately measured (which isn't the case in reality but work with me here) and that Tony is a genius but not The Smartest Genius in the Universe, he doesn't ever seem to display any ill will toward anyone ranking higher than him on the list -- say, Reed -- and he is in fact definitely willing to take on the younger geniuses, like Riri, as proteges, and he seems happy to mentor them. He doesn't seem to feel at all threatened by the idea that some of these people are definitely smarter than him -- say, Moon Girl -- and will someday succeed him. Or at least will if Marvel ever lets them age out, which again seems unlikely. Theoretically he also ought to be drawing on a lot more lived experience than Riri that he can use to advise her, but one of the bizarre things that Cantwell's run has left us with is Tony believing that giving the Mandarin's Rings to Riri to study with zero oversight is absolutely the right thing to do; Rhodey congratulates him on his great decision-making. I guess we'll see how that turns out.

(This is in contrast to a character like Doctor Doom, who clearly can't stand the idea that Reed might ever be smarter than him.)

Given that Tony is a character who often has execrable self-esteem, it actually seems a little odd that it doesn't bother him that he isn't the smartest, but it really doesn't seem to. He seems fine with that. He's enough of a genius to do what he needs to do, I guess, and that's good enough for him. Even in Cantwell's run, which was, uh, not a run I would call particularly in-character for Tony in many ways, the thing he decides to do with the Power Cosmic is make everyone in New York as smart as he is. I think this was a fairly poor storyline for a large number of reasons, but I think it does actually show that he has good intentions, in a sense -- he wants everyone else to benefit from the intelligence he has, the same way they can benefit from his philanthropy. He wants to give people the advantages he has. So he seems like someone who wouldn't resent the up-and-coming heroes and geniuses; he seems like he'd be honestly happy that there would be more people out there on his level.

I think, really, as long as he knows he's good to go, he knows he's good enough to do the things he wants to do -- even if sometimes he just hates himself as a human being -- and he probably looks around at all the kids and knows they have to train them up, because even if they're going to be good they're not as good as he currently is, just because they don't have the benefits of years of experience. I mean, maybe they could have some kind of superhero Registration or something. The joke he made to Steve at the end of Empyre wasn't entirely wrong.

(I feel like I should probably also read Young Avengers, for more on how the Avengers deal with The Youth, but I haven't gotten around to that yet.)

Since Tony often blames himself for, well, everything he can possibly blame himself for, including the deaths of people he feels he should have been able to save, I feel like his worries about aging would probably involve his ability to continually successfully be a superhero. We haven't really seen much of this worry since his Extremis/Bleeding Edge days but there was definitely a period of time where his main concern seemed to be the ability to compete with the people he's fighting -- and this seems like it might be where he's heading again in his confrontation with Feilong, who, I should point out, does actually attempt to make fun of him for being old. Tony doesn't seem to take it personally, but he does seem very upset that he's not on Feilong's level, technologically. So I think the thing that would bother Tony wouldn't be the idea that he couldn't keep up with the heroes, but rather that he couldn't keep up with the villains.

So, yeah, that's my take.

[party-gilmore]

absolutely wild learning about my austistic leanings later in life because like

my parents just thought i was “eccentric” and found me rather entertaining, weirdness and all (plus their own probably undiagnosed AuDHD making their benchmark for normal skewed anyway) and my mon specifically was always so “mever change for anyone just be you” from a very young age so i just…

never experienced the concept of masking i guess?

Not as masking, I mean.

i would read accounts from autistic people talking about their experiences and struggles and pressure to conform and masking and the mental effects thereof and i would feel empathy because i “went through similar issues” but i th

i thought i was just being bullied for being Weird. just in general. like kids do. that this was a case of “well this sounds a lot like what i go through, but im not actually autistic so it probably isnt my place to join the conversation.”

it just never clicked that, “um. hi. these are the exact same behaviors you do. and there were moments in your life that almost led you to masking. because thats what it would’ve been. masking. but your dumb ass thought it wouldve just been ‘changing how you act and who you are in order to be bullied less’ which okay TECHNICALLY yes that is an accurate if watered down description of masking too, but.

Then you refused to on principle, because bullying is bad and fuck you and got angry about it to the point of overcompensating and INCREASING your Behaviors (tm) until you completely skipped over one of the key experiences that wouldve helped you identify with other people on the spectrum later in life.”

I just rolled through life like a steamroller of righteous, spiteful confidence that my preferences and actions were nobody’s business but my own and vice versa unless they clearly and directly affected others - so much so that I never actually set any kind of benchmark pattern for the way (NT) people around me act.

So I never had a benchmark for masking.

like im going back through all my memories of friendships that soured because i took everything at face value instead of trying to read deeper into cues. because I would always just say what i wanted people to know, straight up. like if i wanted attention i would ask for it if i wanted them to know i was hurt i would tell them. That made so much sense to me i assumed that was the norm. Because clearly. Thats logical. and obvious. So certainly other people are doing the same.

I got blinsided a LOT by the games my school friends and later some early adult friends played, yeah, but AGAIN (see: steamroller of self confidence) I simply assumed that was THEIR problem, not mine, and just… grieved the friendship and hoped for their sake they’d eventually sort their shit out 🤣

I literally thought they were the ones having difficulty with social contracts and cues and relationships.

Then over the past couple years the more I see accounts from other people in the AuDHD spectrum, like “yeah neurotypicals actually [thing i had been assuming was just an asshole trait for years without questioning it], heres what they really mean and a good script for responding” and “its funny how i [exact behavior i did for years] and no one realized i was austistic till later” im like… 🙃

And the last kicker was the post about food touching with the tag response “sometimes masking your autistic traits ends up more autistic than the unmasked trait” and my gut reactions were, in order:

…why would you bother to mask that, why is the way you eat anyone elses business?

i mean i guess it would ease up the pressure a bit, i got bullied for that too, i can see how maybe you wouldnt want to have to put… up with…

…

oHHHH SHIT IS THAT WHAT IT WOULDVE BEEN. IF I HADNT BEEN SO ANGRY ABOUT BEING ASKED TO CHANGE. IT WOULDVE BEEN MASKING. IF I’D KNOWN WHAT THAT WAS. THIS WHOLE TIME.

its just… its just been a series of months of me shaking my head and realizing my entire life has been that meme like “Am I having difficulties connecting socially??? No, it is everyone else who is wrong.”

🤣 girl help

[vivithefolle]

Hey its me who left a comments on your Quora, and bc im a negative hater of Hermione that will make her worshippers cry, i wanna just copy and repeat my unpopular opinions here to yours in order to spread my negativity :p

I think its kinda funny how Rowling self inserted into Hermione but forgot herself is a adult woman, and Hermione is a teenager sometimes, but like only sometimes.

A lot of Hermiones rule bendings and actions just sounds like what an 20s or 30s something would want to do, and would have full conviction as well as planning ability to carry it out. Sorta like the way you cant file a lawsuit and WIN if you are 10 but can if you are 21. Rowling wishes she could do what Hermione can do but forgot she was writing a teenager, then went "oh its ok. She settled it all in the end off pages."

Rowling will be like "Hermione is me and so mature and i wanted to do that to people i hate all my life" when it comes to time traveling - to take more classes than her peers because its fair where? - and "punishing" a bad journalist who spread stupid rumors and "punishing" the students and teachers she hated, or erasing her parents out of her records. Because only adults could break big rules like that and maybe deal with consequences. But then in the same books same chapters she will be like "Hermione is forever 13 year old and hates defying rules" when it come to the characters emotional development. And worse, after that couldnt write all the messy logical backlashes and consequences that this teenagers actions left.

Coupling with Emma Watsons casting and all the Mary Sue script changes influencing later books, the result is the worse, most self entitled, inconsistent, sloppily written female character ever created among all the real, logical teenage characters. Some like Harry is Mary Sue-ish, but hes at least consistent and logical to a teenager. Hermione is a Sue and couldnt even be a decent one that makes a lick of sense.

we like to dunk on Movie Hermione, and her looks and the Ron bashing can make us dislike her because thats not book Hermione, but in terms of being a Mary Sue , movie Hermione is actually a much better written character than book Hermione. One is at least consistent and is a character despite "perfect". Movie Hermiones lines and moments are still things a , very perfect, schoolgirl can know and do. Book Hermione cant decide if shes a teenager character with emotional flaws or a 30 something 4th wall goddess with super meta powers that can solve every characters romance problems. Like you cant choose both of these, Rowling.

its so frustrating bc this is actually why its so hard to convince Hermione lovers and criticizers on points from either side on her personality and her relationships with others. Because a very blazen competent girl that could "punish" teachers and students and new reporters alike on the basis of very adult, very real LAW and ORDER can not act like an jealous, immature 15 year old that also cries all the time with no handle on her emotions, is "book smart" and stick for rules, and vice versa. Which is she?

i now dont really care for Hermione and Ron. She ruined the couple for me. its not that she could be an asshole to him, but because shes not a character. Shes a vessel.

_____

Vivi's commentary: Well darn that is a brutal assessment! I do believe that what the things that make Hermione feel so disconnected is the lack of consequences. I mean, the way she "punishes" Rita and Marietta is totally the way a teenager fantasizes about punishing the people who hurt them, but the fact that Hermione manages to do it without ever having it bite her in the ass is the part that's really making her a Mary Sue for me.

[theman-and-themachine]

how does remnant in ur AU work? (this is also purely bc I wonder if anyone’s is as intricate as mine 😭😭😭😭)

OUGH THIS IS A WONDERFUL QUESTION. And now i really want you to share your ideas too. If u want. Id love to hear them :3c

OKAY BUT ANYWAYS i cherrypick canon and then make up random bullshit.

So so so so so I think it depends a lot on How it's created (and maybe how its consumed.)

General death, Outside of the possessed-object. I think that ghosts will form or memories will linger, but don't nessecarily possess any sort of object. BUT. If they are stuffed into something or close in some sort of way, they possess that object and are "bonded" to it.

Uhhhh i do rlly like the idea of two spirits in Golden Freddy. I think even jusy Dying by something can cause you to possess it.

I think the more gruesome the death, the more fear, especially the more prolonged, the more remnant is made.

I think Cassidy was killed AFTER being stuffed into Fredbear/golden freddy, she was killed by (at least primarily) a springlock accident. I don't think she died fast at all. And also she was basically melded into her Possessed Object. (CC is...very different case to this. Died because of fredbear(maybe techincally inside him), prolonged death. But obiviously not as extreme. I think he'd be very whispy and weak compared to the rest of the ghosts)

Like springtrap. I think William has a lot of other shit going on tho. I think that guy was injecting and eating and smearing remnant on himself at all oppurtunity. And that's one reason why he's so... persistant.

BUT ALSO I THINK A LOT OF IT IS FUCKING. MENTAL..MINE OVER MATTER TAKEN TO THE EXTREME. I think Charlie is in this boat. She is like, directly a familial (sorta) murder. That is a man i knew. An adult i trusted. And now i'm dead. Hooray. I think all the emotion towards Charlie's death kept her around. I just think shes like the main characger amd i love her and im so glad for her story signifigance.

remnant added onto a living being in some way increases their lifespan. And the more you eat the more it Effects you, and especially you get more negative symptoms

Like henry FOR SURE has some remnant in him. It has done something to expand his lifespan. But also I think, even one or two "doses" definently fucked something up in him.

Like, you live longer, your Soul or whatever is using other souls like a fucking battery. But also I think general body functions are sloooowed and thats gonna have effects on people.

Michael is a corpse. Remnant doesn't stop the body from rotting. It slows it. The bodies in the suits still rotted, michael is still rotting. I think he's a very weird case. Like, the metal he techincally shouldve possessed has gone and left the building. He is possessing his body, which is well. A body. And not a piece of metal. I think he gets weird out-of-body experiences a lot. I believe he HAS to replace and repair himself, probably with metal and scrap parts (he certainly has some metal left over from ennard. At least as some structual supports. ("Whoops sorry buddy i broke your femur. Lemme just... replace that")

UHHH BUT ALSO BUT ALSO

I think it manifests as molten metal or oily grime coming from inside the animatronics. Like something fucking exploded in there and is constantly on the walls of the suits and metal endos . Even after they clean it and clean it.

(There's fun ways to read the puppets Tear Tracks with this. I think theyre there to ignore or hide said muck)

:3c i think it effects Bugs especially. I think flies and such love this blood-remnant muck and eat it and gonfucking insane for their litrle fly brains and have more flies and the maggots eat it and continues continues continues.

Fazbears smells SO BAD by fnaf 1.

OH MY GOD LZIZZIEE AI ACTUALLY i actually. Okay.

I think the sister location animatronics are Fundementally not optimal for getting remnant. Cassidy is at the top of our scale here, slow death within the Object of Possession.

Sister location guys just sort of snatch them up and i'm assuming that kills them pretry instantly. Instant death, within the object of possession

I thinkt his is a good reason why Baby seems to.... detached?? Different?? Than Lizzie. Also maybe some of that is AI stuff but i think a good part of it is the killing process.

OKAY OKAY SHARE UR IDEAS NOW ALSO, DUDE. IF U WANT.

and if u have any more questions for me, ask away :3c pls. I love questions and talking

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

[urostakako]

ok i know nobody here probably cares about marriagetoxin but people's reactions to the latest chapter have really been bothering me and i cant leave my own comment cuz i have to download the stupid app so

ok so everyone's saying "ohhh teruaki got brother-zoned" "happy pride month" "hes gay" "hes just saying that cuz he didnt want hikaru marrying someone else" you guys are not understanding!!!! thats not whats happening!!!

i myself dont really like teruaki i was weirded out by his behavior and i didnt want to understand him or empathize with him but its not that at all and people reducing it to "happy pride" is grinding my gears!!! thats not whats happening!! proof that people dont talk to their families you guys dont get it. he's not angry because hes gay (even if maybe he is). its not even a brother complex thing even tho those kinds of feelings have something to do with it. its cuz he has abandonment issues

hikaru was like the prodigy and whatever and teru was always left behind right. he worked his butt off but he always got left behind and i guess in this kind of clan they cant show kindness to each other but hikaru helped him out and to him as a neglected child it must have seemed like the kindest thing in the world. it must have seemed to him hikaru was actually helping him a lot. and since there was no one else really around he got attached to him and i guess akari idk. mostly hikaru tho

so he worked his butt off trying to get to a place he knew hikaru would be cuz he assumed they would stick together in the clan and he wanted more of this cuz he was neglected. and then he receives news that hikaru is leaving and getting married and in his mind he probably thinks 'oh hes leaving me again' and that probably made him angry cuz that means all the work he did to make sure he could stand in a place he was sure hikaru would be was all for nothing cuz hikaru is leaving anyway. so he really doesnt care about the clan at all deep deep down, that became a priority to justify his feelings. in reality holding the clan as a primary value was more or less an incentive or an excuse to get hikaru to stay with him cuz im guessing teruaki is an only child so he doesnt have siblings that will be there with him. so it doesnt occur to him about hikaru's happiness or that hes getting married to get an heir for the clan. what he sees is that hikaru is leaving him, he'll be all alone, and everything he did and the pain he put himself through was all for nothing. thoughts of the clan became his values because he thought they were hikaru's values and he thought that would get him close to him and fighting hikaru was an outlet for all that anger. he simultaneously wanted to push him away and keep him close and hikaru wasnt understanding so that riled him up.

and ig these conflicting emotions are what makes him go like insane to crying to insane again cuz he himself doesnt understand what he wants here and disguises it with 'come back to the clan!! >:(' he gets close to the root of the issue when he wants hikaru to kill him (cuz if teru lives he would go back to the family and be alone and have to take up the mantle) but thats still not what he really wants. and by now hikaru is starting to understand whats going on here when teru od's and asks him to kill him

so its not that he got brotherzoned, being his brother is probably what teru actually needed the most, an assurance that hikaru was not leaving him, that his (familial!!!!!) love isn't unrequited, and that his efforts werent pointless. and mostly that hes loved and not getting abandoned again. because they were kids back then and hikaru is an adult now and hes still growing. now he sees all of this and just how bad living in that family was affecting teru. so him extending this invitation that 'yes i still love you yes im still going to be here yes i want you in my life' as opposed to teru thinking it was only him who wanted hikaru in his life is what he really needed to hear. its not brother-zoning. and thats why teru is relieved at the end. and like maybe there is some kind of other feelings going on but i dont think theyre truly romantic in nature. i think its kind of like the thing where youre in a bad situation and you meet someone good and you think its love but its really not and that leads to unhealthy attachment. i think its that

but people reducing this conflict to 'teruaki is gay' no!!!!!!!!!! noooooooo theres MORE to it than that!!!!!!!!!!!!! stoppppppppp

[keibea]

Get to Know Me - Sims Style

i was tagged by @amuhav because she loves me and knows i love doing these things

what's your favourite sims death?

ngl i dont actually have one, im terrified of any of my babies dying so they never do...but i guess old age maybe? because that means theyve lived a long life and ive played with them for a long time?

alpha cc or mm?

alpha HANDS DOWN...i dont hate mm by any means dont get me wrong, but ill always be an alpha girl at heart. its the alpha hairs, they always get me.

do you cheat your sims weight?

only if it fits their character i guess? not usually in gameplay.

do you move objects

i move objects every single day.

fave mod?

ooofff i mean out of necessity? nraas. but just the one i love? hands down pose player. mostly because i was so excited when i finally got it to work (i was like 13 or something and before then i could not figure out how to get mods to work) so a lot of happy memories from finally getting my sims to pose.

first expansion/game pack/stuff pack?

my first ever was sims 2 glamour life stuff pack when i was a kid. if we're talking sims 3, i believe the first pack i got was generations, which is still my favourite sims pack ever.

do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing?

i pronounce it LIVE, always have as far as i know.

who's your favourite sim that you've made?

well, its gotta be elodie honestly. she and eli are the longest sims i have ever had and i love them both dearly. in the sims 4, its gotta be my girl pippa. before tumblr? i had this family called the moretti's, i miss them and i think about them way too often. i loved them all.

have you made a simself?

oh yeah. loads of times. i think ive shared my sims 3 and sims 4 variations on tumblr (but they look really weird tbh). i love making myself, cause then i can wear all these clothes i cant afford in real life.

favourite ea hair

im with aimee on this one.

im mostly joking, but usually sims 3 hairs are a no go for me, except for some store ones and the hairs that are pulled back into buns always look really nice. for sims 4, only the newer ones. the older ones are not for me.

favourite life stage?

young adult. i feel like you can always do more with young adult sims and you have so much more time (except in sims 1 i believe?and sims 2 only if u went to uni?? idk). 90% of my sims are forever young adults because i love that life stage so much.

are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

mate ive been trying to build for donkeys years to no avail. so im almost always in it for the gameplay.

are you a cc creator?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BAHAHAHA HA once upon a time bro maybe. your girl tries to be, but uni is a pain in my bottom, and sims 3 loves making my life difficult.

do you have any simblr friends or a sim squad?

somehow i do?? more friends then irl anyway. the girl gang is @thesimperiuscurse , @lazysunjade & @amuhav these 3 have put up with me despite my crazy personality for an incredibly amount of time and i love them all dearly. but i have so many friends on here its crazy (more than 3 people its incredible!). obviously they havent seen my real personality yet. besties include: @catharsim , @plumbobem , @johziii , @rollo-rolls , @moonsonnet , oh gosh im forgetting people I AM SO SORRY I LOVE U ALL SO MUCH

do you have any sims merch?

bro i wish, but no money. spent it all on anno 1800. no regrets.

do you have a youtube for sims?

i believe formally i do, but i dont post anything. i do have some ideas if i ever wanted to, but my adhd brain couldnt cope being consistent so i probably never will.

how has your "sims style" changed throughout your years of playing?

as in sims or gameplay? idk ill talk about both. gameplay wise, not much, except im weirdly a lot more controlling then i was over my sims WHOOPS. but i still cant get passed gen 2 so that hasn't changed. but i still prefer family gameplay, probably always will. and challenges, always challenges. sims wise? a lot.

this is one of the earliest sims i have photo evidence of. this was in 2018 i believe?

whose your favourite cc creator?

the people that are the cause of most of my cc obsession are @kerriganhouse , @rollo-rolls , @johziii , @joojconverts & @martassimsbookcc and probably a few more but mind blank

how long have u had simblr?

since 2020. one of the longest things ive ever committed to.

how do you edit your pictures?

with my blood, sweat and tears. im not joking, a lot of sweat and tears goes on when im editing.

what expansion/gamepack is your faveourite?

of all time? generations, no doubt in my mind. i never had any sims 1 or sims 2 expansions, so i never got to experience those unfortunately. generations was perfection though. i mean, boarding school? lifesaver. also led to the best sims series of all time: lifesimmer's generations. for sims 4 though? probably get together, purely because of the world.