#adult children of emotionally immature parents

[kiefbowl]

been jumping around adult children of emotionally immature parents and it's too much a read on my life I think I'd rather be ignorant lmao

[machineryangel]

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi I was wondering how do you deal with a toxic family member? How do you handle situations in which they are manipulative and gaslighting you?

Validate your own emotions and experiences

Practice emotional differentiation. Prioritize your own feelings and goals

Learn the psychology behind guilt-tripping, shaming, and people-pleasing & how it's used to manipulate/gaslight children of narcissistic & other types of emotionally immature parents

Implement the "grey rocking" technique during conversations (be "boring' and emotionally flat; don't give them the emotional reaction they crave)

Go as low contact as humanely possible (no contact is the best option). Never initiate a conversation unless its absolutely necessary (logistical issue, emergency, etc. if needed)

Keep them on an information diet. Don't tell them anything about your life that is not vital for them to know

Don't try to change their minds. Just say "You're right," and disengage

Set boundaries on conversation topics/them criticizing your character. Say "I'm not engaging in this conversation." Stop replying, hang up the phone, or walk away

Live your life with them out of sight, out of mind as much as possible. You deserve to live in peace and be happy, no matter what these toxic family members say

Hope this helps xx

[mindfulparentingproject]

"You wouldn't be who you are without your trauma."

No. Fuck that.

I am who I am because I pulled myself out of the hell I was brought into and decided I was not going to become like the people who hurt me.

[anatidephobia]

whole life convincing yourself that you’re emotionless, cold and unbothered only to realise many years later that you created that version of yourself because in reality you couldn’t bare the thought of being vulnerable in any way

and when you finally realise that it’s not something to be proud of you also realise that it’s too late to re-learn everything

you feel great shame because you finally see that you weren’t actually strong - all of it was a weakness. the thing you hated the most. you couldn’t embrace it

and worst of all - you realise that you’ve become exactly like the person who hurt you in the beginning

[wellconstructedsentences]

When you’re going through a breakdown, a good question to ask is what is actually breaking down. We usually think it’s our self. But what’s typically happening is that our struggle to deny our emotional truth is breaking down.

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

[dubu-dood]

From Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (2015)

[usunezukoinezu]

''Hate is a normal and involuntary reaction when somebody tries to control you for no good reason. It signals that the person is extinguishing your emotional life force by getting his or her needs met at your expense.''

-Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

[softpastelqueer]

“Emotionally immature people, on the other hand, often take pride in their lack of this skill. They rationalize their impulsive and insensitive responses with excuses like “I’m just saying what I think” or “I can’t change who I am.” If you confront them with the fact that not saying everything you think is a sign of good sense or that people can’t mature without changing who they are, they will probably respond with anger or by dismissing you as ridiculous.”

- Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents

[raeiyyn]

1 & 2. Lindsay C. Gibson, "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" // 3. // 4. Katherine Fabrizio, Our Heart // 5. albertlaw's picture via flickr // 6. Father John Misty, I love you, Honeybear // 7. bojack horseman (02 x 1) // 8. Karen Thompson Walker, The Age of Miracles

[brandnewpastelroad-moved]

You aren't a bottomless pit of ceaseless demands.

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson

[twelvemonkeyswere]

I have been reading this book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson.

It's mostly aimed at people looking to heal from emotonally immature parents, as the title says, and I really like that in order to discuss emotional immaturity she takes the time to define what emotional maturity means and what it looks like, citing the multiple sources on which it has been studied.

I thought it was a handy reference to assess how I'm behaving and how the people around me behave, so in case it turns out useful for anyone else, here's a summary of the section she wrote on emotionally mature people.

Definition of Emotional Maturity

Emotional maturity means "a person is capable of thinking objectively and conceptually while sustaining deep emotional connection to others" (pg. 28).

Traits of Emotionally Mature People

In summary, emotionally mature people:

can function independently while also having deep emotional attachments, smoothly incorporating both into their life

are direct about pursuing what they want, yet do so without exploiting others

have differentiated from their original family relationships to build a life of their own

have a well-developed sense of self and identity

treasure their closest relationships

are comfortable and honest about their own feelings

get along with other people thanks to well-developed empathy, impulse control, and emotional intelligence

are interested in other people's inner lives

enjoy opening up and sharing with others in an emotionally intimate way

deal with others directly to smooth out differences when there's a problem

cope with stress in a realistic, forward-looking way, while consciously processing their thoughts and feelings

can control their emotions when necessary

anticipate the future

adapt to reality

use empathy and humor to ease difficult situations and strengthen bonds with others

enjoy being objective

know themselves well enough to admit their weaknesses

(These are largely verbatim as they come in the book)

Also, as I understand it, these behaviors/techniques/characteristics are supposed to be learned from the adults in your life, so if you lacked a guide to teach you, it makes sense if you don't know how to do all these, either. But it is your duty to teach yourself now.

[greencreeker]

On page 14 of this book and I'm already mind blown. I'm buddy reading this with a friend and it's been dubbed "the worlds saddest book club ever" so... Nothing like getting emotionally fucked up for the holidays.

[mindfulparentingproject]

To all abuse survivors, just a reminder:

Your trauma is still valid if...

1. You don't have detailed memories of what happened.

2. Nobody knows.

3. You were not physically/sexually abused.

4. No one else recognizes that the person (or people) who hurt you is/are an abuser.

5. You have some good memories with that person.

6. Your abuser was your parent or other family member.

7. You haven't been diagnosed with PTSD.

8. You are able to live a healthy and happy day to day life.

9. You don't want to talk about it.

10. Other people don't understand what you're going through.

[thoughtfulfangirling]

“They don’t experience mixed emotions. The ability to feel mixed emotions is a sign of maturity. If people can blend contradictory emotions together – such as happiness with guilt, or anger with love – it shows that they can encompass life’s emotional complexity. Experienced together, opposing feelings tame each other. Once people develop the ability to feel different emotions at the same time, the world ripens into something richer and deeper.”

— Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson

[outstanding-quotes]

Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents