#advice for young satanists

[cursecuelebre]

Roman God Lucifer of Light, The Morningstar, and the Rising Sun

Attributes

Morning star (Venus)

Light

Dawn

Rising sun

Stars

Director of the Heavens

Knowledge

Music

Twilight

Symbols:

Snakes/dragons

Jar of Light

Venus

The Sun (especially the rising sun)

Keys

Torches

Fire

Roses

Lavender

Bright stars in the night sky

Cats

General Information:

Lucifer before the Roman Catholic Church demonized him was a minor Roman God of Dawn. Since then he is been well known as “Satan” or “the devil” which isn’t true in the Bible Lucifer is never mentioned by name except one passage talking about the Morning Star which can be any god/goddess in the Middle East and nearby nations.

There is not well documented stories about Lucifer other than he works along side of Aurora the goddess of Dawn. Ovid the Pagan poet mention Lucifer as being the son of Aurora and Cephalus or Asterius (depending on what story you read), as she is the first to awake as she rides across the dawn filling the sky with light. Lucifer follows her capturing the light of the stars and pouring light from his jar. He also directs the order of heaven when the dawn comes to being. Known as the “Light Bringer” and “Herald of Dawn” and the Greek name “Phosphorus” which means Light Bringer as well. He is the physical representation of Venus/Morning Star. The Evening Star is his brother Hesperus representing the same star but at night overtime they merge together as one.

Obviously Lucifer isn’t all recognized as being Lucfiercus of Roman mythology. The Roman Catholic church used Lucifer as a scapegoat when demonizing their old pagan traditions. Since then a lot of Satanists and Lucferians see Lucifer as the Christian Devil which is valid. From my experience he doesn’t mind that, even I use the left handed path sources for his symbols and attributes even his sigil I used as a representation of him. I created this post to help people actually understand that Lucifer isn’t evil nor related to Abrahamic faiths in the first place. His origins do not show that, he was a god that helped bring dawn across the sky. It’s important to learn about gods who were demonized their actual purpose to cultures not just Lucifer but a lot of the “demons” we know today were once Gods and Goddesses. There is nothing wrong with seeing Lucifer as a fallen angel or a prince of hell just keep in mind that is not his true origin.

His appearance:

I have started to work with Lucifer early this year and it was quite interesting but in my meditations, that’s where I began to fully understand and work with him and help me to deconstruct my fears about him.

Traditionally he is a young man sometimes a child like Cherub (the classic art painting not Biblical accurate) with wings. I see him as a young man, but he is very bright! From my own experience has light colored hair almost white sometimes black, his skin is pale or gray, but his eyes always burnt orange so bright with massive black wings you would see on angel. At times he appears to me not in a physical sense in my meditations but in the sky as a bright star glowing like the sun. It’s quite beautiful.

My Experience from Working with him.

He has helped me being more empowered and trusting of myself, helping me hone in my skills of magic. Like giving advice and guidance on certain things. People who say he is like a father figure, I can most definitely agree with that, very gentle and very patient. But he will push you through not in a malicious way of course but a very tough love way, that he wants you to accomplish. I notice ever since I’ve been working with him I’m more confident and comfortable with my self and expressing my feelings.

Tarot Cards:

This is the tarot cards I personally associate him with feel free to use it but just sharing it in general sense!

The Sun

The Star

The Devil

[queersatanic]

Hello !!! 💖 I'm a young satanist trying to figure out how to properly worship and live the lifestyle, but with all the Nazism and such that satanism is infected with, I'm a bit lost as to where to turn for good information that's not gonna accidentally get me on board with ideas that have nasty shit hidden in the shadows of them. Are there any good books/organizations I can look into or just some general tips? <3

We have a certain perspective on this, so bear that in mind.

What is attractive about Satanism as a concept is not really the "might is right" ideology of Anton LaVey and its worship of social stratification, and it's not The Satanic Temple's pyramid-shaped classical liberalism / Gen X trolling.

Rather, it's taking the idea that even if the story of Christian mythology were true, Satan is still the hero for looking at an omnipotent tyrant and that tyrant's proposed immutable hierarchy for the universe but choosing to rebel and grant people agency over their own lives.

And it's the idea that if the Christians say we are demonic or of the devil's party for being queer or seeking the common good of all people, well, then we're with the devil and down to party.

For that reason, anarchism is more central to Satanism than wearing black or lighting candles, even though the aesthetics are what distinguish it from other strains.

From that, Errico Malatesta is a good place to start because he wrote for a long time and focused on pamphlet-style works that could make sense to a typical person, rather than academics.

Malatesta is easy to read, and still relevant in lots of ways because he lived through so much and lived his ideals (famously, for example, refusing to talk to the cops after he was shot by a fellow anarchist over an ideological dispute).

"The ABCs of Anarchism" by Alexander Berkman is also a good introductory work for establishing fundamental values and why.

You also can listen to that one as an audio book over at Audible Anarchist.

Note that both of those are straight white men, and the "mainstream" of anarchism has often had a problem of failing to recognize or live by principles of opposing all hierarchies, including white supremacy and cishetero-patriarchy. The fact that anarchist Becky Edelsohn "dated" Berkman when she was 16 and he 36 (and that this was supported by Berkman's previous partner Emma Goldman) is one example of this. Mikhail Bakunin gave us one of the best quotes of all time regarding anarcho-satanism ("But here steps in Satan, the eternal rebel, the first freethinker and the emancipator of worlds"); Bakunin was also a racist.

Other people can give better advice and examples, but Indigenous Anarchism, Black Anarchism, Anarkata, Queer Anarchism, and Anarcha-Feminism are all areas that a person needs to put work into in order to undo the kyriarchy — the whole structure of interconnected systems of oppression we're indoctrinated into and subjected to.

"But what does that have to do with Satanism?" Mainly it's to help you spot when something you come across is engaging in the sort of hierarchical, fascistic, or even neo-Nazi ideas that LaVeyan Satanism and its offshoots have always had connected with them. They're not always obvious, and having good principles established is the best immunization and antidote to being exposed to new ideas with euphemisms and shibboleths you can't be expected to be prepared for.

You also can come up with your own rituals and ideas. For example, the Satanic Flame Ritual we have is not due to access to some secret knowledge but it helps externalize and objectivize an internal, subjective, emotional process. Things like candles and flames or altars are best seen in that light.

Anyway, hopefully that helps. It's not that you should never read something like The Satanic Bible or other esoteric works to get ideas. It is that Satanism is the exact opposite of place to look for good ideology or consistency, so you want to start somewhere else for that (we say anarchism) and then look to Satanism and other Satanists for aesthetics and inspiration for rituals that you can modify and integrate into your life in ways that best serve you.

[theoneandonlyneonleon]

hey, this is a genuine curiosity and I honestly mean no disrespect at ALL, i'm pretty ignorant about these things. what does "i'm an anarchist and a satanist" mean?

Basically means that one, I follow the commandments of Satanism (ill attach those below-), and two, I don't like the government (idk why anyone would) and I'm anti-capitalism

Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked

Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them

When in another's home, show them respect or else do not go there

If a guest in your home annoys you, treat them cruelly and without mercy

Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal

Do not take that which does not belong to you, unless it is a burden to the other person and they cry out to be relieved

Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained

Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself

Do not hem young children

Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for food

When walking into open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask them to stop. If they do not stop, destroy them.

[zzmemes]

Young Drunk Punk sentence starters part two

“You know that dream where you’re walking through high school in your underwear? I think I’m having it right now.”

“Your excitement depresses me.”

“My boots squeak.”

“Keep your head down, do your job, try not to have so many... Feelings.”

“Not really seeing the joke part.”

“You are here to fix the toilet, right?”

“I’m so ticked off I could spit tacks.”

“It was an accident! I was thrown off my game! There were panties in full view!”

“I got a job with the Flames.”

“This is my house. I live here.”

“See, the thing about this job is you’ve got to bury your anger deep inside, it’s called being professional.”

“I refuse to stand here and take advice from some pervert who steals a hairclip when there’s a pair of perfectly good panties staring him right in the face.”

“So anyway, a little about me: I like to have fun, I only need about an hour of sleep every three days, I like to watch a good fight, don’t mind a little blood, but I could also stay in and watch a cuddle movie.”

“I’ll ask questions with my mouth and answer them with my fists!”

“I don’t think confrontation is what’s required here.”

“You bury your anger for a reason: to keep it safe for when you want to pull it out and use it!”

“The sexiest thing a woman can wear is a fur coat with nothing underneath.”

“Is there any karate in this movie?”

“Yes, we wouldn’t want to alarm our women, would we?”

“I need to commandeer your sandwich.”

“Crazy things are happening. Blood, satanists; I don’t wanna die!”

“I like big dogs and small tops.”

“Let’s do that thing you think about when you look at me.”

“He says he saw a meteor, tripped, hit his head... Story checks out.”

“I just wanted to make a simple brilliant indictment of society. Is that too much to ask?”

“Well, that was unexpectedly powerful. I tip my hat, you talented bastard.”

“Not everything is sexual.”

“Look, there are only three things that a man can talk about with his son in order to bond. Building a deck, slaying a caribou, and admiring the female form.”

“Are you picturing having sex with my mom?”

“I came in through the window but I can’t tell you which one cuz then you’d fix it.”

“Stretch and find your chi.”

“I have to warn you, though, I’ve got a pretty good stroke. I’ll go easy on you, though; I’ll only use one hand.”

“Don’t you worry, I’ll show you a few moves. But I think we both know who’s gonna end up on top.”

“I’m tired of being treated like a sex object just because I’m sexy.”

“See, you’re finally starting to understand us women.”

“Sir. I am both flattered and indignant.”

“Maybe I just think that porn isn’t a team sport.”

“She’s got a good point, I just wish she was bendin’ over when she made it.”

“I hope you didn’t wash your eyes today because you’re about to see somethin’ dirty.”

“I like you but I’m starting to think we’re jinxed.”

“The funeral’s Saturday. Better not have any plans.”

“Everyone deals with grief in their own ways.”

“Religion can’t help you, but scotch can.”

“You’re not totally naked, you’re wearing an oven mitt.”

“Funerals are the ultimate turn-on for girls. They’re practically a panty-peeler.”

“I don’t know if I can do this. Maybe I’m not as strong as everyone thinks I am.”

“I have to say, you’re actually quite sexy when you’re emotionally vulnerable.”

“Let’s face it, all anyone remembers of that party is you standing on your tippy-toes, full-on kissing a man.”

“You only see her horrible side. I get to see her good side. The side where she takes all her clothes off.”

“Sounds a lot better than that guy who tried to undo your bra with his feet.”

“Psh, yeah, like we could afford a unicorn.”

“Is it supposed to be this color?”

[that-satanic-witch]

some advice for young theistic satanists (part 4)

Stay away from gurus and self-professed “masters”. Like every religion, theistic satanism is also plagued with pompous assholes who claim to know the ultimate truth. Look around, listen to what they say... sooner or later you'll start to smell the BS. Their BS could be partial or total... it's still BS: don't follow anyone. Discard the pieces of information that feel wrong, take those you like and run. You only need yourself, all the knowledge that you can gather and Satan. Don’t get yourself involved with people who use Satanism as a way to get power and satisfy their ego.

[a-new-oasis]

Godly Gossip

New Members

After visiting our church on the evening of Jessica Medley’s amazing violin performance the other week (happy birthday), the Duarte Family of Evergreen Harbour are planning to join us despite them clashing entirely with the commandments the LORD has given us.

They have surrendered their son to the SATANISTS, as my mother says, by allowing them to educate him. They have also allowed DEMONS into their home  secular media. For a school that claims to educate boys into GODLY MEN, they do not seem to be doing that all too well. As evidenced by last week when afterwards Gideon and Jessica were flirting. 

Though, maybe it is her fault. Her summer dresses are far too short. She should really think about guarding her purity in future and not causing her brother in the LORD to even think of stumbling.

Events

As you well know, there is an ongoing mission to the SECULARIST Mt. Komorebi but there has been news of a mission trip to Sulani. Mr Rews will be taking 8 young men and women to spread the WORD to those heathens after the new year. 

Our church’s women’s group will be meeting this Thursday evening, led by Mrs Victoria Snow. We believe that women should be just as knowledgeable as their husbands and fathers on the LORD’s word. However, we as women have separate advice and concerns which need not be addressed on a Sunday. All ages are welcome!

Pastor Banks has been so kind as to arrange a teens and young adults movie night featuring some recent Keith Cannon films, keep eyes peeled. 

Jobs

I’m surprised that Mara Medley has time to volunteer with such a lovely house and only two older sisters to take care of it. Perhaps the other girls should join her, if they have the time, what with courting, houses, siblings and their dedication to the house of the LORD.

It is important for wives to please their husbands in any way for wives should submit as unto them LORD! If that means a night alone, c’est la vie. If you have toddlers or boys, perhaps Viviene Duarte might help with the babysitting since she has an awful lot of time on her hands with only her successful husband and son to care for. 

Courtships

Before the wedding of her younger brother, I happened to spot Joshua Dressler and Hosanna Medley awfully close to one another while they waited. My suspicions of a courtship were proven correct just as I write this!

With Kathleen Crane (miracle of all of Christ’s miracles) now courting Jericho Quick, I wonder what her parents and the LORD will have in store for spinster Emma. Once upon a time, we all thought whether 4 of the five Cranes will be married to Medleys but the LORD always spites those who try to predict what occurs. Maybe the hilarious Noah Medley or the lovely Robert Weston might be of interest 

The LORD’s Ideas

As is with every other Sunday, after Church we’ll be preaching in the streets! Our church may be inviting but unless we actively preach his WORD, people will fall to the will of SATAN and go to HELL. 

Some in our church community, who may not attend so frequently may need to recall our dear Pastor’s sermons on music and dancing considering they allow their daughter to be exposed to such SIN. Dancing is forbidden as it is clearly the vertical expression of an unclean, sideways desire!

Mrs Snow has arranged this study specifically as wives and daughters should remember the LORD’s place for them. Some in our community believe that a biblical marriage is where the woman DOMINATES her husband and emasculates him by becoming the breadwinner. It is a woman’s place to be a home, nurturing, not in an office while their children could be exposed to DEMONS!

Godly Clothing

Lovely Noemy Ingram, soon to be Mrs Quigg, and the ever so compassionate Josiah Longoria modelled for me

How we present ourselves is highly important. We represent the LORD to those we attempt to save by his GRACE and especially us girls should be modest so our brothers in the LORD never stumble. It is key that we should be reminded as it can become addictive to dress in the scandalous clothes our fathers and husbands allow us to wear at home. Perhaps Beulah Banks might also need a reminder after her summer wear.

Pregnancies and Births

We have recently seen the cumulation of a long-expected yet suspiciously short courtship by Immanuel and Charity Medley. While I wish not to cast doubt on why they married as Immanuel has always been one to rush through the great events of life, their pregnancy announcement so soon after a wedding does strike me as slightly odd. 

Josephine Medley has given birth to her fourth child recently, yet she has not yet released the gender or name to our community. They choose to attend our close associate Henry Lyle’s Homechurch so we’ll know when and if they post. Another Medley wife, despite the tragic loss in the family, is proud to announce she’s given birth to twins: Deborah and Mariana Medley. They’ve been keeping clear of our church considering it is taking Abigail more time to recover from the birth as well as the grief of losing a sibling.

Political Careers

Speaking of Henry Lyle, despite his dyke daughter has announced he’ll be running as governor of Newcrest in order to unseat the current FILTHY, PAGAN, CATHOLIC governor. I hope that our community can be supportive of the cause of good, CHRISTIAN government.

Senator Wolf is continuing his fight in restricting the MURDER of BABIES which our SECULAR government believes is a right of women. In the same way we do to Mr Lyle, I hope our community can extend support to him.

A Death

Mr Weston and his wife are sad to announce the death of their son, Adrian. He was a great servant to the LORD. Sadly, he has also left behind his fiancee, Delia Cannon. Our community sends great condolences to the family who have decided to take this opportunity to mourn in private

[scarletarosa]

Hi Lilian! I am a young theistic Satanist in a Christian school (lucky ikr 😭) and it seems like the people in my school enjoy bullying those different to them. I’m afraid to be open about my beliefs due to fear of being treated even worse for it. (I’m already bullied for being bi) I know this may not be your point of strength, but could you offer me some advice on dealing with my situation? Thanks and Blessed be x

In these cases, it is best to remain secretive about our true selves and create illusions for the majority, since they may never fully understand those who are different. It is good to be assertive at times, but only when it is wise; in other cases, such as this one, subterfuge is necessary to get ahead. So do whatever you can to stay well, and take pride in your illusions that you weave. 

[moonlits-ocean]

Reasons why I maybe a Satanist:

1. Do not give opinions or advice, unless you are asked. 

2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

3. When in another’s home, show them respect or else do not go there.

4. If a guest in your home annoys you, treat them cruelly and without mercy.

5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal. 

6. Do not take that which does not belong to you, unless it is a burden to the other person and they cry out to be relieved.

7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained. 

8. Do not complain to anything to which you need not subject yourself. 

9. Do not harm young children.

10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask them to stop. If they do not stop, destroy them.

[satanourunholylord]

Any advice for a young college satanist wanting to get into the satanism community (please tag my side blog @atheistic-satiniam when you answer)

Welcome. It’s always nice to see new faces, @atheistic-sataniam.

Ok, my first bit of advice is to know your shit. Learn to love researching. I write it all down in a notebook for future reference and I’ve found that it’s helped a lot so far. A basic understanding of what you’re standing for is kinda baseline but so important, especially when you meet bible thumping Christians (and If your campus is anything like mine, they’re on every corner popping up like wack-a-moles). My go to response to “would you like to join us for bible study in the spiritual centre this afternoon?” is to whip out my Satanic Bible and say “Would you?”. Best to be prepared. Don’t know how “bible thumper-y your college is though.

I can recommend these three resources for a basic rundown.

- The Satanic Bible by Anton LaVey The Satanic Bible is not seen the same way as Christians see their bible. It’s not really a sacred text or anything. A lot of atheistic Satanists actually completely dismiss LaVey and his work so it’s really up to the individual on what they think about it. This book is specifically good for learning about LaVeyan Satanism. Laveyan Satanism is slightly different to atheistic satanism as the 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth state that followers must “acknowledge the power of magick”. There’s still a lot in here that a lot of atheistic satanists vibe with though. He shares many good points that line up with atheistic satanist ideology because he was actually an atheist that just believed in the power of magick. I can go into this more if you want.

- Visit The Satanic Temple Library The Satanic Temple shares many invaluable resources for learning about atheistic satanism.

- The Invention of Satanism by Asbjorn Dyrendal  This book has been recommended to me multiple times but i’ve only ever had time to skim through it in between study.

Another bit of advice specific to college satanism, build up a relationship with housemates before talking satanism or displaying any kind of satanic memorabilia/jewelry/artwork/clothing. You don’t have to worry so much about lecturers and classmates on campus so much because, lets be honest, we expect weird shit on campus anyway. Anything floats on a college campus. However, I don’t know what kind of housing setup you’ve got. I had a run in with a devout Christian housemate and her sister back in first year who reported me to campus security for “being a member of a satanic cult”. It eventually got dismissed because it obviously wasn’t true but FAR OUT it was an ordeal. Just be careful. Some people out there are misinformed and can take things way out of control.

If your college campus does rallies, atheistic satanists are very activism driven. Getting involved with charity groups, volunteer groups, protests/rallies for social justice etc. is a good way to uphold the second Satanic Tenet. Here’s a link for guidelines for an effective protest. This is obviously just an idea. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

You can also join a local TST Chapter depending on where you are in the world. Heres a link for the official Chapters, however sometimes there are unofficial TST chapters who have Facebook groups and still do cool meetups and activities and stuff. My local one does “Blood for Satan” blood donations, knitting for the homeless, pub nights, volunteering in soup kitchens and homeless shelters etc. I’d recommend finding out if you have a local satanism group in your area. Just Facebook search “Satanic Bikini Bottom” or wherever you live.

Don’t feel obligated to educate the haters. If someone on Tumblr (or in real life) is harassing you for being a satanist, remember where the block button is and get them out of your life ASAP. You’re more important than the haters. There’s no point letting bible thumpers and keyboard warriors ruin your day over their inability to accept others beliefs.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions and make Friends. We’re here to help with both specific and general questions you may have. If one person can’t help you, chances are they’ll know someone who can.

These are just a few things that I can think of. Hope I was able to help atleast a little bit. Good luck on your journey and don’t be afraid to message again if you ever want to ask more questions or have a chat.

[dyns33]

Hell brothers (9/?)

Three months. Three months and Lulu was going to get Rachel to bring her back to Hell, where she would be tortured by her three brothers. It was already a miracle that John managed to escape these bastards all this time. John did not know how he did it, or why he did it. He had a job, a mission, he was supposed to maintain the balance and even if he had entrusted his business to Chas, Beeman, Hennessy, Midnite and Angela, he knew that they would not make it against the triplets or a entity of the same type. The problem was that he had not followed his own advice and he had become attached to this girl. They had traveled the country by car, stopping in motels to rest, without ever contacting anyone so as not to reveal where they were.

           "Can we go to the sea tomorrow... please ?"

           "Perhaps." he mumbled without looking up from his book.

It was probably stupid, but John still had not given up hope of finding a way to save Rachel. Every night he was awake on the couch to peel all the grimoires he found on their journey. He was never alone, because the girl begged him to sleep a little, before coming to lie next to him, her head on her shoulder or his knees. It was really hard to not get attached... when he could not find anything to stop her father coming when the time came.

           "Maybe or no ?" Rachel asked, pouting.

           "Maybe, but not too long. The road is long to the next city."

           "Are you going to rest a bit tonight ?"

           "Hmm..."

It was not really a good idea to worry young Rachel, who was also attached to this man, whom she saw a little like a second father, without daring to tell him. For some time she had noticed that he ate less, when he thought of eating, that he did not sleep, that he did not smile anymore. Well, she had never seen Constantine smile, or just a tired smile, when she was ecstatic at the beach, discovering ice cream, walking for the snow for the first time... Even if they had to be hidden, he agreed to let her discover things, he yielded to almost all ers requests. Rachel was totally fulfilled, happy, free... except when she thought of all the sacrifices that John had to make for her. It could not last, it would not last anyway, but she would not bear to see him in that state. She knew what to do. She knew where to call. They told here they were going here when they had to stay on Earth.

____________________

             When the room phone rang, Michael thought the reception was calling for refreshments, or the satanists had found a track. He absolutely did not expect to hear that little voice.

           "Big Brother..."

It was rare for the eldest of the triplet to be surprised, to the point of freezing, without knowing what to say. Fortunately, Duncan was masturbating in the shower and Jim was dying on the bed, drunk, his nostrils filled with white powder. Michael quickly regained his composure, his little sister waited for him to answer.

           "My darling, where are you ?"

           "Do not be angry..." she sobbed.

           "It's been seven months since you forced us to run all over the United States, so we'll have to punish you. But if you tell me where you are now, we will not be too mean."

           "I know... but do not hurt John, please big brother."

John fucking Constantine. It was no longer a secret that it was he who had stolen "Rachel" from them, and all the Satanists in the country were concentrating their efforts on him, in vain. It was not for nothing that he was also apreciated by their father, this human had resources.

           "I have to talk to the others about that. We do not have the right to kill him, but we missed you a lot, Jimmy has had four overdoses since you left. Duncan has erection problems."

           "And you ?"

           "Me ? Oh, naughty girl, I'm the most affected. Am I not the kindest with you ? The most honest ? For you, and only for you, I'll defend Constantine and I'll do everything so that he does not suffer too much, but you have to tell me where you are."

           "... Okay."

_________________________

             As soon as they had hung up, Jeff fumbled on his phone to call the Supreme, while Jeff checked that the call came from the place the girl had indicated.

           "Its good." he confirmed. "She did not lie."

           "What an idiot... And him... 'we missed you, sob sob'. Pathetic ! This proves that we were right, this girl is... Yes, hello ?"I just wanted to tell you where the daughter of Satan was."

They did not know if this witch was going to kill her, if she was going to deliver her to the triplets, if she was going to have pity, like the fool she was, but that was not their problem, they had to at least try to eliminate this problem. And, above all, they had to do it without being caught, even if they would be delighted to serve in Hell. But Jeff and Mutt really wanted to be in the front row for the Apocalypse.

[queencocoakimmie]

At the End of the World (Michael Langdon) Part Three

Michael Langdon x Female Reader

Word Count: +9000

Warnings: Plot heavy, Angst, death, smut, gore, violent. +18 & up

A/N: This is the finale. The final chapter of the Michael and Ava story. I’m so glad that you’ve all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. You never know, there might be a one-shot in store for both of them in the future.

 “Here at the end of the world, we are all equal in life as we are in death. Except for me. Because I can never die. My name is Ava Deschamps and I am the Queen of the Dead.”

 Before the Apocalypse

“Well, well, well, I was wondering when you’d finally come back to visit.” The Countess’s voice rang out across the lobby of the Hotel Cortez. I watched as she turned in the bar stool to face me. My beautiful Countess, she is a vision in white, dripping with diamonds from head to toe. How many nights had I spent here with her in her penthouse, just the two of us? Wrapped in each other’s arms, feeding off of some poor, stupid fool.

“I just had to come and see you, mon couer, I’ve missed you,” I say slyly. She narrows her eyes at me before she resolves to listen. “Ava, I know you better than anyone, you’ve come here with a purpose. What do you want?” She sharply turns her back to me, beckoning Liz Taylor to pour her another drink.

“You think too little of me, Elizabeth,” I purr as I walk up behind her. “I’ve come to see you because I still love you, my sweet.” Her back stiffens and she throws a glance over her shoulder at me, “Lies. You’ve been with that witch all of this time, and not once did you think of me. I’ll ask you again, what do you want?”

Sighing, I sit down beside her and shake my head, “My darling, I need your help,” she sets her drink down and considers me for a moment. “Elizabeth,” I reach out and lay my hand on top of hers, “I need you.”

Her lips curved into a vicious smile, “Ava, lover, you’ll always need me. Come let us retire to my penthouse so that we may speak privately.” I waved a tepid wave at Liz and followed The Countess to the elevator.

When the doors closed, she shoved me against the wall, jerked my head to the side and bared my neck. Licking that sensitive area just below my ear lobe, she inhaled me, “You smell different, you smell more powerful.” I grinned, “Of course I do. Witch blood does wonders for the body, you should know that.” She ran the nail of her chainmail glove along my jugular vein, “I could kill you right now and no one would miss you,” she says tersely.

I flick my wrist and send her flying to the opposite wall, her eyes bulging in surprise, the glow of the light shining against the woodgrain behind her. “Tsk, tsk, tsk, mon amour, that’s not true at all,” I say as glide over to her and grab her throat. “You’d miss me entirely too much if I died. Too bad I can’t.” She moans under the pressure of my hand squeezing her neck roughly as my other hand palms her ass.

She opens her red lips to meet mine when the elevator door abruptly opens. I leave her standing there alone, breathless. I make my way to the living area and wait for her on the canapé. “You’re still such a fucking tease, Ava,” she pouts. I grin at her, flashing my sharp teeth, “I know, ma chérie. First, help me with what I need, and then…” I wave my hand in a flourish, “then we catch up.”

Walking over to the bar, she takes off her white sequined cape and throws it onto the floor. Her shoulders bare and her pale skin exposed under that slinky dress, she’s everything that I remember. She knows what she does to me and she calls ME the tease. “I know why you’re here,” the blood pouring into her glass is deafening in this quiet room.

My hunger not only for her but for her blood begins to roil in my belly. “The underworld is talking. They’re talking about the boy. You know of this, yes?” I nod my head and beg her to continue. She eyes me suspiciously, “Well, they’re all saying that he’s about to come to power soon. He’s with that group of Satanists, ran by the incessant Anton LaVey,” she rolls her eyes, “The boy has grown stronger and soon after he performs the Black Mass, within a few years’ time, it’ll be time to for the end of days.” She surveys her surroundings and closes her eyes, “When the bombs drop, my love, the Hotel will be destroyed along with everything else. Nothing will keep me tethered here.”

She picks up her skirt hem and sits beside me, baring her long pale legs to me. “What will you do, my pet? What will the all-powerful Ava Deschamps do when the end of the world comes?” I cock my head to the side and consider her words, “Countess, you know more than you’re telling me, don’t you? Why do you keep such things from me?” Her eyebrows knit together in confusion, “Ava, it seems that maybe it is you that know more than I.”

My impatience is growing, “Enough of the niceties, Elizabeth. Tell me what you’ve heard.” She leans into the canapé and exhales, “Tell me, did you love her?” I shoot her a strained look. “Did you? Did you love the Witch Supreme Cor-?” My lips tighten in a straight line and I cut her off before she can say her name, “I didn’t come here to talk about Cordelia.” She nods her head, “Your non-answer tells me that you did. That’s why you stayed away from me for so long.”

I glare at her, my anger beginning to boil over. “It’s fine Ava, really,” she swishes her hand in the air, “I’m not upset. I know that you still care for me deeply. Besides, her being the Supreme was perhaps a calculated decision on your part. Even if you believe it to have been true love. You never do anything without an exact purpose.” She stares at me directly, then her eyes lit up with realization, “if you stayed with her that long and drank from her…” she contemplates her next words carefully before changing the subject completely, “It is out of the affection that I still feel for you that I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

She trails her fingertips down my lips, “Beautiful, remarkable Ava. The strongest of us all. Even when I was alive, I was never as impressive as you.” I grab her hand tightly, “Elizabeth, stop this.” She acknowledges my disapproval and yanks her hand away, “I assume you knew that your dear old Dad made a deal with the devil, right?” I look away from her searing gaze, “Well the word is that he’s planning something else. Something far more sinister. The deal for you to be the Antichrist’s glorified bodyguard is not all that your father wants.”

         “But something tells me you already know that don’t you?” she asks. I smile at her plainly, “My father wants me to keep Michael safe until we get to The Sanctuary and then I am to kill him and drain him dry, effectively absorbing his essence.” Shock colors her face, “But why?”

“To bring him back. When I become powerful enough, I will be able to resurrect him.”

She gasps, “What? What about your mother?” I shake my head, “I don’t know. I don’t think she factors into his plans. In truth, I suspect that he will kill me. Or at least try. I don’t want to think my own father is capable of such a thing, I don’t know for sure. That is why I have come to you. I need to know that what I am about to do is the right thing.” She runs her fingers through my hair and then caresses my cheek,  “He doesn’t know that you were with her, does he?” I shake my head. “Then he doesn’t know how much magic you hold in your body right now.”

“My darling, even with all of that running through your veins, you need to be stronger than that to take him on.” She looks away from me, wrapping her arms around her legs, “If I know you, I know that you don’t want to kill your father or the boy, even if that’s what he’s asked of you.”

“Michael is just a child, he still has so much humanity in him. That must be preserved, Elizabeth. He must be saved.” She releases her arms and scoots in closer to me. She’s so close that I can feel her breath on my skin, “You always did have a soft spot for them. The normals.” I stare deeply into her eyes, with so many emotions swirling around inside of me, I finally tell her what I’ve come for, “I need to do an evil thing, mon couer. If I am to save Michael and go against my father, I need more power.”

“But I have none, Ava. The only ones capable of such a thing are…” She stares at me in horror, “Your family.” She discards her chainmail glove and grabs my face with both hands, “You will die. There are too many of them. Ava, they are the worst of us. The monsters that people tell stories about to frighten wayward children. If you go to France, you will die.”

“You cannot hope to defeat all of them.” I wipe away her tear and kiss her soft red lips. Memories of nights shared so long ago come flooding back to me. I wish I could stay here with her. I wish that I could bring my Cordelia here and we could all be together. But is a dream, a fantasy and I have no time for such things. “You didn’t come here for my permission or advice. You came here to say goodbye,” she whispers.

She abruptly lifts herself off of the canapé and takes my hand. “You hunger, my love, I can feel it. Let me take care of you.” With her other hand she unpins her bun and releases a cascade white blonde hair down her back. “If this is to be the last time we see each other, let’s make it worthwhile.” I follow her to the double doors leading to the bedroom and she slides them open. In the middle of the bed is a naked young man, arms and legs tied to each bedpost. When he sees her, his eyes widen in fear and tears stream down his face. His loud screams for help muffled behind the gag placed firmly in his mouth.

Her eyes flash to me and a malevolent smirk spreads across her face. I return her smile with a toothy grin, the sharp pain in my gums from my fangs elongating, make my stomach rumble.

“Dinner is served and then we shall have dessert.”

*******************************************************************************************

Michael

         Much time has passed since we came here to The Sanctuary. With no guidance from my Father, life has gone on and has flourished here on the island. My new world is thriving under my rule. With my love, Ava by my side, I feel as though we are unstoppable, capable of anything that may hinder my creation.

Although lately, it seems, that she has become distant. At times unfocused, I wonder if her love for me is fading. Though she has constantly denied it, I still feel that there is a change and I daresay, it frightens me. Me. The Antichrist is frightened? Pathetic.

         I received communication from The Cooperative informing me that it is time for Phase 3 to come to fruition. I am to produce an heir. My bloodline must live on. We have ways of harvesting genetic material, yes, but a woman’s womb is still needed for the process. Someone else’s womb will carry my child. Not my beloved Ava. She, being a vampire, cannot produce or carry a child. It saddens me to no end, and I must tell her this news. But I haven’t yet found the right words.

My fingers type away furiously on the laptop when my concentration is broken by shouting from the courtyard. “Sir, please, please come quick,” my assistant bursts into the room.

I dash outside to see Ava, holding a man up by his throat. Her fangs bared, the gleam in her eyes is alarming. The crowd that has gathered is yelling for her to kill the man. “What’s going on here? What has happened?”

Her eyes transfixed on the man, she yells back at me, “I caught him in the middle of trying to assault this young woman, he needs to be punished. Justice needs to be served.” She points at a girl, no more than 18 years old cowering on the ground. A woman holding her, trying desperately to cover her nearly naked body. Her clothes torn to shreds with pieces discarded onto the ground. I look at the girl, “Is this true?” She tearfully nods, “Yes, Master Langdon, he attacked me. Tried to take advantage of me,” she sobs. An older woman from the back screams, “Mercy, mercy for my son, please.”

“Mercy?” Ava spits, “A monster such as this deserves no such thing as mercy.” The woman pushes her way to the front of the group, “Master Langdon, you knew what type of man he was when you brought him here. You knew he was sick and yet you said that he was perfect for your new world.” Ava drops the man onto the ground, and glowers at me, “Michael, is this true?”

I don’t answer her, instead, I twist my hand and the man begins to scream out in pain, clawing pieces of skin and tendon out of his neck. “Hear me now. This man is condemned to immediate death. No mercy, or no court will convene to proclaim guilt or innocence. If you commit an atrocity of this kind, you will die by my hand.”  

The man’s bellowing cries reverberate through the courtyard. People turn away from the gore before them as his skin begins to peel away off of the bone, it’s like boiling acid has been poured onto his body. He writhes on the ground, gasping for air, his death is a slow and painful one. I tilt my head to the right and immediately the life goes out in his eyes.

“Please, not my boy,” the woman screams out. She runs to him and Ava grabs her arms, nearly twisting them off. “You are the true monster here,” she jabs a finger into Ava’s chest. “An animal who gorges blood. You are the one who doesn’t deserve to live,” she yells and spits in Ava’s face.

With a flick of my hand, her neck twists around in an unnatural way. Her tongue falls slack to the side of her mouth, her eyes instantly vacant. What’s left of the crowd turns and runs away, horrified by my display. Ava stands there alone, holding the body of the dead woman in her arms. Her eyes widened in shock, “Why did you kill her?”

“She insulted you. No one gets to insult you and live, besides she was complicit in her son’s actions.” Her green eyes lock onto mine and I see disappointment flash behind them. She lays the woman down on the ground beside the body of the young man without uttering another word.

She leaves me there in the courtyard with my assistant, Timothy. “Sir, what do you want me to do about the bodies?” he asks. I glance back at him, “What you normally do.” He summons a group of people to clean up, but before they touch the bodies, I hold my hand up to them, “Wait.”

A few moments later, the souls of the two dead arise. They stand there in front of me, gawking, unsure of what’s happening. “What did you to us? Why am I like this?” the woman shrieks.

I break into a wide smile and close my fist tightly. They begin to burn from the inside out, their screams echoing all around us until they are nothing but ash. Now they won’t exist here or on any plane. A laugh escapes my lips.

I turn to see Ava standing there in the entryway, watching me. Her eyes narrowing, and then she turns her back and walks away. Her black hair swishing in her wake. A sick feeling in the pit of my stomach begins to grow. I fear that in the midst of all of this, I might be losing her. 

Later that night, I decide to stay in my office. I know she is out hunting and needs time to clear her thoughts. Surely, she will come around and see my thinking about these things. I can sense her anger and turmoil. But I don't want to push her, she knows that if she wants to talk with me, she can. Still, I feel there is something else at play here. Something that I don’t know and I don’t like not knowing.

One thing that I’ve come to find about her is that she favors humans above all things. A creature like her, shouldn’t have such reverence for us…them. But she does and seems to think that I can be saved. I’m in no need of saving, though. I am my father’s son, after all.

She has this notion that since my mother was human, I will have some of her traits imbued in me. A residual humanity, if you will. For me, my mother was merely just a vessel for my reproduction and growth. She did not raise me, nor did she love me. Yet, Ava sees something in me that I no longer see in myself and I don’t know why.

I sit back in my chair and my thoughts travel back to the “Murder House” where I was born. The rejection of the people who were supposed to be my family still makes my blood boil. Reliving the damage causes my anger to rise deep in my chest. I try to block out the memories of their faces. They were human and to me, they were the worst kind, and Ava thinks I should emulate them?

They thought I was a monster. Much like how she sees herself. She told me once that she had done unspeakable things long ago and that she wishes she could take it all back. When I asked her about it, she simply shut herself down and refused to answer. I sense whatever it was, was so horrible that she had not yet forgiven herself for it. I don’t know if she ever will.

I see how she looks at me when she thinks I’m not looking. She sees the human that she wishes she could be. She sees the better parts of me. Until her, I thought I had no “better parts”. Ever since I was a child, I’ve been turned away, rejected and used for my gifts. Even now as I sit here, I’m only here at my father’s behest, still being used by him to carry out his plans.

A soft knock at the door snaps me out of my thoughts. “Michael? May I come in?” her beautiful voice carries through the heavy wooden door. “Of course,” I say. I drop everything for her, the work from The Cooperative, my duties, my own Father comes second place to her.

It’s amazing that a Vampire, a supernatural being, can teach me so much about the human existence. I believe that she is more mortal than I could ever be. She is so much more than a creature of the night. I would give my whole life for her.

“My love, I wish to speak with you about something,” she says walking towards me. “I thought, perhaps, you could take a moment from your work, to…chat.” I turn in my chair to face her as she comes around the desk and stands directly in front of me. Slipping her knee in between my thighs, she separates them roughly and leans forward, breasts brushing against my face. “Today was unfortunate, but in the end, I know it was necessary.”

Her lips glide down the side of my neck. Tangling her hand in my hair, she says, “You are the leader here. Our King,” Jerking my head back, she licks my earlobe, “You are my King, yes?” her voice low and breathy against the shell of my ear. I reach out and smack her ass and she jumps up from the shock of it. I flash her a sly grin and smack her again, “Yes, I am your King, and that makes you my Queen.”

She nods her head, “and as your Queen, I’m meant to serve you, yes?” I turn my head to meet my lips with hers, “Yes.”

“Well, what would you have me do, my King?” her hand trails down my chest to my growing bulge. Palming it, she repeats herself, “My King, what would you have me do?” My eyes roll back into my head as I lean back into my chair. She starts working me through my pants and renders me utterly speechless.

“Would you want me to...” I feel the zipper slide down and then feel her cold hand free my cock from its confines. “Ah, no underwear, I see you remembered,” she grinned.

I push my hips up so she can slide my pants down, my cock already throbbing once the chill of the air hits washes over it. She eyes it hungrily, her mouth watering for me. Before she can say another word, I grab my dick and shove it in between her parted lips. Gripping the back of her head, by her silky black hair, I push her face down onto my pulsating member. It hits the back of her throat with such force, she gags immediately. The sloshing sounds of her wet mouth sucking me off, send goosebumps up and down my body.

She rakes her sharp nails down my thighs, leaving trails of blood in their wake. Bobbing her head up and down on my cock, she eyes the dripping blood voraciously. She lowers her head yet again, filling her mouth completely, up to the hilt. I gasp as she deepthroats, “Fuuuuck, Ava. You see what you do to me?” She releases the suction of her mouth with an obscene pop and a long thin rivulet of spit connects her bottom lip to my dick.

She uses this saliva to pump my shaft up and down, eyes locked onto the blood streaming from my thighs. She looks up at me pleading, her green eyes blazing with lust and hunger. “Yes, Ava, go on. I know you want it.”

She laps it up, her lips ruined from sucking me off and smeared with my red fluid. “You taste so sweet, mon roi. I can never get enough.” Her mouth locking onto my thigh, drawing in my essence, her skin becomes heated from the influx of my blood.

The feeling of her hand jerking me off and her lips sucking the blood from my thigh, is like no other feeling in the world. It is what I could only imagine Heaven would be like. Heaven. My mind trails off, and a voice screams in the back of my head, “Stop her before she drains you dry. Stop her, you must.”

I grab the back of her head and yank her off my thigh. Her eyes ravenous, blood dripping from her bruised lips, “What is it, mon amour, did I hurt you?” Breathless, I shake my head slowly, my head spinning and my mind becoming fuzzy, “No, I’m…I’m fine. Please don’t stop.”

Eyes locked onto mine, her mouth replaces her hand, and she licks a straight line up my shaft. My dick is covered in saliva and blood and I feel the burn in my abdomen, I won’t last long. “Ava, I’m going to cum, please, please don’t stop.”

She smiles, and her fangs are dripping with my blood, it is a vision I will keep locked away in my memories. “I love it when you say please, Michael.” She takes me deeper into her mouth, pumping me up and down, my head slams back onto the headrest of my chair. “Fuuuckk,” I scream. My body convulses as I release into her wet mouth. She wipes her chin with the back of her hand, filthy from a mixture of both my blood and my cum. It’s a terrifyingly erotic sight.

She lifts herself up from between my legs and smooths down her velvet jacket. “Come, come with me to our place. There is something I have to tell you.” Still lost in a haze, I groggily hoist myself up and zip my pants. Not caring that my essence has stained the inside of my thighs.

“Why can’t we talk here? No one will bother us.” I point out. She shakes her head, “What I must tell you is very important and,” she pauses, “very difficult for me to share.” There is something behind her eyes, something that looks like shame.

One would think that I would be able to read her mind and mine her for information, but she is such a powerful being that her mind is closed off to me. She is capable of cloaking her thoughts. My father told me once that there are no creatures like her anymore, she is one of a kind. When he spoke of her, it almost seemed like he was enchanted by her. It made me jealous, in a way, but also proud, that this woman was mine and that she loved only me.

I followed behind her down the corridor and a terrible thought struck me. What if all of this is a ruse? That voice of doubt, in the back of my head, had been screaming at me since I first laid eyes on her, warning me to stay away. Human nature I could understand but something like her I wasn’t completely prepared for. 

She sat on the couch with a serious look on her face. “Ava, what’s wrong?” She beckoned for me to sit down beside her and when I did, she took my hands in hers. The chill from her touch contrasting with the heat roaring from the fireplace. “There are some things that I have kept from you, Mon amour. If we are to be bound for all eternity, I must be completely honest with you. About everything.”

We had talked a long time ago about bonding ourselves to one another. A kind of Unholy Wedding. It would bind us together until the end of time. She explained to me then that it was too soon for us to talk of such fairytales, but maybe something had changed her mind.

I implore her to continue. “Michael, I need to tell you something but I’m afraid of how you will take it. I’m afraid of what you will do.”

I scoff at her, “Ava, I could never hurt you.” She smiles a sad smile, “Oh I know that, “I’m more afraid of your reaction. You wear your heart on your sleeve. Even being the Antichrist, your humanity rules your every emotion.” I roll my eyes growing more and more frustrated by the second. “Don’t drag this out, Ava. Tell me what’s wrong. Is it that you don’t love me? You don’t want me anymore?”

She reaches out and touches my face, “You are my only love. The one I want to spend the rest of my life with. But you need to know the ugly truth about me first.”

“After this, you might change your mind about me altogether,” she whispers. She pulls away from me and for the first time since I’ve known her, she looks unsure, almost fragile. She takes a deep breath and then begins.

“It all started when my father paid yours a visit and offered him a deal. A deal to keep you safe until you reached The Sanctuary.” I stared at her in confusion, wanting to interrupt her with questions, but she kept going. “My father promised that I would secure your future behind the scenes. Wipe out your enemies, anyone standing in your way. I would ensure that your plans were completed and carried out by those loyal to you.”

I held up my hand, “So you mean, my own Father didn’t trust that I could do it on my own?” She shook her hand, “Apparently he felt you weren’t strong enough.”

I stand up and begin to pace back and forth, “How long have you known this?” Staring into her hands, her voice trembles, For a very long time. We all knew you were coming, and I was given strict instructions to be ready.”

Anger running hot through my body, I yell, “What the fuck does your father get from making you my guardian?” She bites her lower lip, “What you have to understand is that my father has been the Devil’s favorite creature since he was born into this world. Being the direct descendant of the first of us all, Judas Iscariot seemed like a trophy to Him. If my father were to ask Him for anything, it would be given, without question. In this case, he asked for a daughter. A daughter he would later use as a bargaining chip.”

Still pacing back and forth I ask her for more clarity. She stands and walks over to the bar and pours herself a drink. The thick viscous red substance flows into the crystal glass like a waterfall. Taking a sip, she continues, “Vampyres are not supposed to be able to have children. As a matter of fact, the last pure blood birth was my mother, over 200 years ago.  Our kind are cursed, you know. But because the He loved my father so much, He promised him a daughter of his own flesh and blood, with some attributes of the Devil himself.”

“What?” I say, incredulously, “My ability to walk in the daylight and transmute, those come from your father, Michael.”

I feel so angry and lost. All my life I was led to believe that I and I alone would bring about the end of days. Now I find out that, in fact, my father had a backup plan, just in case I was too weak to carry it out. “So, our union, our relationship was all built on a lie, it was built by design?”

“No. I had always known you to be beautiful and cunning but when I met you face-to-face, I knew that you were more. Underneath your ruthlessness, you were capable of compassion and love. You weren’t at all what I was led to believe.”

She walks over to me and takes my hand, her green eyes boring into mine, I try to break away from her, but I can’t, “Michael, I fell in love with you, not for who I thought you were or who you could be but what for who you are.”

She reaches up on her tiptoes to kiss me. Slow at first and then hungrily. I push her away, my emotions erratic and fraught. “How can I believe anything you’ve said?” I turn my face away from her, not wanting to see the suffering in her eyes. “Have I ever lied to you before?” she asks.

I walk to the front door, contemplating leaving her there. I’m so angry but I’m not sure who to be angrier at. Myself for being a fool? Her for being a pawn? Or my Father for using me, yet again. I choose to be angry at her, and I know it’s not fair, but I know my Father. He’s never tried to be any different than what he is. There is no love there, only a cold calculation on his part. But her, I believed her to be the better part of me. The human part, if that makes any sense. She held all of this back from me, for what purpose, to keep me in the dark? To make a fool of me?

“I understand your rage, Michael, but there is more I need to say to you. I have to leave now, only for a little bit, but I’ll be back. I just have one more task to complete.” I roll my eyes again, seething with fury, I spit out, “Fine, go. Cordelia said you always leave whenever things get too bad.”

“I don’t deserve that, Michael. You don’t have to be cruel.” Her hands reach out to touch me again, but I flinch, “Oh, but I do have to be cruel, Ava. I’m the fucking Antichrist. I’ve spent too long trying to be something that I’m not. But I’m every bit of a monster people think I am. Every bit of the monster you are.”

She exhales an exasperated breath, and tears fill her eyes, “Is that what you think you are? Is that what you think I am?” I stand there and watch she wipes away her tears. I open my mouth to respond, but she raises her hand to stop me. “I’ve written you a letter, explaining why I’ve chosen to leave and what I am going to do. Everything I have done, has been for you. It’s always been for you.” In the blink of an eye, she was gone, left without a trace.

I scream out of anguish and outrage, “How could she have done this to me? Why has she done this?” Spit flying out of my mouth, my hair whipping wild over my head. The room swirls in a tornado of books and furniture. Pieces of sculptures careened off of the floor and paintings have torn off the walls. All I can hear is her voice telling me she loves me, and that she would die for me. She would die for me.

                                   She…would…die…for…me

Realization hits me like a ton of bricks. Wait, where did she say she was going? I rush to the bedroom and rip open the drawer to her dressing table. Located neatly next to her silver hairbrush is an envelope with my name on. My stomach drops and fear takes over. I lift it up gently as though it were some precious thing and I smell the faint familiar scent of roses, her scent. I open the letter cautiously and carefully not wanting to disturb her precise creases.

My Dearest Michael,

I’m writing to you, to tell you that I have one last duty to perform. My father bargained away my life, so that I may in turn save his. The deal between our fathers was made to keep you in power until your reign began at The Sanctuary. But Etienne, had other plans. He explained to me that once you were safe behind Sanctuary walls, I was to drain you dry, stripping you of your powers, your life, and your soul.

With your vitality flowing through my veins, I would be able to venture into Hell and bring him back. He would rule The Sanctuary in your stead. I can only assume that action would seal my own fate. I would be nothing more to him than discarded trash. Used and thrown away, like many before me, I know that he would eventually take my power and kill me.

But as always, I too have a strategy. Years before the Apocalypse, I did a terrible thing in preparation for the inevitable. After years of blood-taking from Cordelia, I had Supreme witch blood enhancing my gifts, but if I was to one day fight my own father, I would need more. I went to Paris and found my mother’s ancient family, The Moreau Clan. They were the worst evil of our kind. They killed and raped without impunity, because they were superior in every way. I came to them, wanting help at first, but ultimately, things ended badly. They believed in fulfilling their bloodlust to any end. Women and children were favorite targets for them. Me, having held humans in high regard my whole life, I tried to seek out some type of peace with them. But there was none, they were devoid of all humanity.

One night, coming back from a particularly vicious hunt, sated from innocent blood, I took them down, one by one, until there was no one left. I burned the entire coven to the ground afterwards. My eyes blackened with the power of their blood, I merely blinked my eyes, and they were gone. I live with the guilt of their deaths every day. I should not have gone to such extremes. I went there knowing how it end, which makes me no better than them. I am no better than my father.

I then came to find you. I was the reason Anton LaVey sought you out at the Murder House. I was there when you took your first Black Mass. I have been there through it all. Horrified at how you had been treated the entirety of your life, I vowed to stay beside you no matter what the cost. I’ve protected you from every danger and every enemy. I protect you still. First out of duty, but now…out of love.

What I must do now, I do for our freedom and our future. I’m going into Hell to find my father. I will end him once and for all. If I do not come back, please know that I will always love and believe in you.

Yours Forever,

Ava

My heart broken into two, I’m beside myself with grief. Disheveled and crushed, I have tried to contact my Father for 3 days since, but he won’t answer me. Even the gates of Hell are locked to me. I have no way in and I fear my Ava is lost. What have I done? What can I do?

*******************************************************************************************

Ava

The Gates of Hell are not at all like Rodin sculpture, with Dante sitting in the tympana gazing into Hell. His depiction of the first ring of the Inferno, thrown into chaos at the entrance of the doorway is completely different than what’s before me now. Upon entry into this place, I’m struck by the vast ocean of black water flowing all around me. I see sea creatures breaking through the waves off into the distance. The sky is dark and foul smelling and decrepit bodies are casting themselves at my feet on the shore, trying to pull me with them. The beach is black as coal, littered with decaying body parts of the dead and other creatures.

As I walk further along, I see a small entrance guarded by an old man. He is gray and hunched over, his face covered in a long grayish beard. “Coin for the boatman?” he sticks out his knobby hand towards me. I shake my head, “I have none. I have no need,” displaying my empty hands.

“Then your soul shall not pass.” His voice croaks out. I laugh at his cold indignation, “I have no soul, dear Charon.” He peers up at me, and his grayish blue eyes look me up and down, suspiciously. He shudders and beckons me to his small boat, “Do you wish to see The Master?” I shake my head, “He already knows I’m here. No, take me to Etienne Deschamps, instead. Take me to my father.”

I disembark at a house that looks just like my home in California. I push open the door and am transported down a long winding hallway. As I walk further into it, I notice that I’m being followed by a blinding white light. I glance over my shoulder at it, and it burns my eyes. I turn back and continue my path down the corridor. I can hear screams of pain from behind the doors on either side of me. People crying out for mercy. Guttural howls of monsters chasing their prey echo off of the paneled walls. I will be glad to be rid of this place.

When I come to my father’s resting place, in the catacombs beneath my house, I’m suddenly hesitant to go on. His voice carries through the dark chamber, “Ma fille, to do what I owe the pleasure of your visit?” He appears in front of me and he is just how I remember him. Decked out in his finest 18th century French couture, he looked like something out of an Anne Rice novel, his beauty rivaling that of Lestat himself.

I walk in slowly, wondering to myself, could my father really capable of killing me? Am I capable of killing him? Against the wall, on a small loveseat, I see a someone draped over it, and my eyes flash to his. He wipes the corners of his mouth with his handkerchief, “I was hungry, my sweet, and this little one here was just what I needed.” Upon further inspection of the person, I see that it was the body of a teenaged girl. She’d been beaten and drained of all of her blood. Her eyes frozen wide in shock, I walk over to her and close them, saying the silent prayer that my nounou (nanny), Miriam used to say over me at night.

“Since when did you become so religious? Did you forget that we are soulless devils, and are in no need of spirituality?” he scoffs. “Mon père, just because we consume them, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t respect them,” I reply.

His lip curls in disgust, “You’ve spent too much time in the presence of them. But nevertheless, I’m glad you’ve come. We have much to discuss. Namely the demise of l'Antéchrist.”

Still staring at the young girl’s body, I feel my anger building, “Where is ma mère? I haven’t spoken to her in ages.” I make my way to the other canapé and take a seat. He tucks his handkerchief back into his waistcoat and pulls out his pocket watch, eyeing the time he sighs, “Ma petit, we have no time for this and your silly questions.” He narrows his eyes then it dawns on him why I’ve come. A sinister grin spreads across his wicked face. “Did you really think that you could walk into Hell with your new bag of tricks to do harm to me?” I rise from my seat and begin to back away, “What do you mean? I have no bag of tricks.”

He takes a step closer to me, “You should ask your dear maman, what happens when you cross me.” Shaking my head I ask, “What did you do to her? What did you to my mother?” I cry. He takes another step closer, his fangs growing in the process, “Oh she didn’t like my plan. The one where you kill Michael and then I kill you. My child, your grand purpose all along was to bring me back. Your mother simply didn’t see things the way I did.”

 “But…but you sacrificed yourselves for me.” I cry out. He cracks his neck and takes a deep breath, “No, sweet girl, she was already dying. You had been draining her powers since your inception. She was fading and I had no real intention of saving her. I did need her blood, though. You know as well as I do, that her clan WAS the most powerful in the world.”

“What do you mean? How could I know?” I ask, knowing full well what I had done. He stares me down with his bright green eyes, “The whole underworld felt the shake and rumble of the deaths of that coven. You wiped them out all at once. Your own kind. Your own kin.” He smiled with what looked like pride. “That takes a special kind of evil to massacre your own family, don’t you think? Stupid girl, I knew exactly what you were up to. Your hopes to stop me, has since caused you all of this guilt and despair.” He says mockingly, “You should know by now, that there’s no defeating me. Now be a good girl and go back up and do as you’re told. Drain that boy dry. It’s time for me to take my rightful place.”

“Don’t be absurd,” I spit, “I could never kill Michael. As for the Moreau’s, they were kidnapping and murdering children, should I have let them continue doing so?” He shrugs, “What do you care? That was their nature. Do you think you can change the nature of a lion, because you don’t want it to feed on gazelles?”

“No, père, but lions are not like us. We are capable of thinking and feeling empathy. We do not have to give in to our basic instincts. Just because we can doesn’t mean we should.” His reaches out to me and grabs my arms, his long nails piercing into the backs of them, “You sound like a child. This sentiment you have for humans is sickening. I thought once I had your servant girl killed, you would rid your fascination of them.”

“What?” I ask, “What servant girl?” He let go of me and turns his back, “The one you grew up with. The girl you tried to save in that dark alley all those years ago.” I shake the cobwebs out of my head, trying to understand, “Evangeline? You had something to do with her death?”

“Ha,” he chuckles, “Something to do with it? I caused it. I led her to that alley that night, leading her to believe that you were there to meet her. I really thought once she was dead, you’d end this obsession.”

My body goes numb and my blood turns to ice. I place my hand on the wall to get my bearings, “How could you? I…I loved her. She was my best friend.”

He shrugs again, “Best friend? We are predators, we have no best friends.” He whips around lightning fast and grabs me by my neck. He begins to squeeze and hatred flashes before his eyes, his nails digging into the side of my throat, “My daughter, so feckless and weak.” He slaps me with his other hand and laughs when he sees my blood gushing out of my mouth, “I should just kill you know and save myself the trouble. I deserve to sit on that throne. Not you or that tortured little boy.”

In an instant, his fangs pierce my neck and I feel the sharp pain of it surge through my body, paralyzing me with his venom. He laughs against my throat, squeezing it until I’m gasping for air.

I summon all of my strength and break free from his hold. I send him flying backwards against the opposite wall. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “You stupid little bitch, you really think you can stop me?” He flies towards me and turns his fingers into claws. Swiping at me, his eyes are filled with hate and he curses at me, “You’re pathetic like that girl. Weak like your mother. Oh, you should have seen Gabrielle’s face when I drained her of her blood. Her sad little eyes, begging for me to stop,” he cackles as we circle each other. “Your mother loved me so much, Ava. But I felt nothing for her. She was a means to an end, ma petite, just like you.”

He lunges for me and throws me to the ground, the back of my head hitting the concrete with a loud smack. Standing over me, his eyes are wild, and when he snaps his fingers, a fire begins to blaze all around us. He grabs my hair and starts to drag my limp body across the floor, laughing all the while. “You don’t deserve an easy death, little one. You deserve to be taught a lesson, just like your mother.”

“But what is that you deserve, father?” I close my eyes and remember Cordelia’s lesson on Concillium. I take a deep breath and close my mind. I lift my left hand and utter the phrases she taught me. He drops his hand from my hair and begins to groan, pain shooting through his skull. I’m flooding his mind with the memories of all the people that have died by his hand. Every face of horror and fear, every cry of mercy. His face contorts from it, screaming at me to stop.

I see his knife that he always keeps on his waist. As a source of pride, he once told me that it was the very blade that pierced Jesus’ side when he died on the cross. I twist my fingers, and it appears in my hand. I bring it to his throat and hiss when he tries to grab for me. Clutching his head, he screams, “You stupid cunt, where did you learn this magic?”

“From a friend,” I growl before kissing his cheek and watch as it burns into his flesh. “I have been loyal to you my entire life,” I say as I slash at his throat, “I have done everything you have ever asked of me,” another slash, “I have listened and believed your lies over and over and this is how you repay me? You kill my best friend and my mother?” He drops to the ground, writhing from the pain, blood gushing out his neck, “You forget that the Devil has also blessed me gifts. Well, this is my gift for him. The death of a traitor.” I slice his throat one final time and the blade glides through the sinews of his neck so easily, effectively separating his head from his body.

The smell of the room burning breaks my concentration. The heat is searing, and the walls are peeling from its intensity. A voice low and gravelly begins to speak to me in a language that has been dead for centuries. HE is talking to me. I hear his words in my mind, so deep and concise, I feel that I am dreaming. He asks me what I want most in the world and I don’t even have to think about my answer. I tell him at once and he seems pleased.

I feel the fire getting closer to me, crawling towards my feet, but somehow, I do not feel afraid. His voice is lacing in between my thoughts, slithering through my every memory. He saw visions of Michael and me, alone in our private quarters debating the works of Byron. He saw me kill Mallory back at the Outpost, in what seems like ages gone by. He came to rest at the memory of the Moreau Clan Massacre. He understood why I did it and saw that I had my choice long ago.

My skin started to boil from the fire, yet I did not scream or cry out. If I was to die now, I would do so knowing that Michael would be saved. He would be free. I closed my eyes and readied myself for the end. The ceiling crashed around me and the room filled with noxious smoke. Then everything went dark.

*******************************************************************************************

Michael

         When she came back to me, I knew that the worst was over. She was tired and scarred from her trauma but I knew that she would be ok. She explained everything to me that happened, in great detail. How she fought against her father and took his life. She told me how mine spoke to her and told her about things that were to come, gave her a secret yet to be revealed.

         She laid in my arms that night, different. Power surging through her cold body, shaking badly from the nightmares. I wrapped her up in my arms and coaxed her back to sleep. I could sense a change was happening inside of her. A feeling that would never go away. She was turning into something, unlike any other creature I had ever known. And she was mine.

We made our vows in the unholy chapel inside of the conservatory a few months later. Vows that would bind us for all eternity. That night after we made love, she allowed me to take her blood for the first time. She pierced her thigh and guided me down to drink from her. The sweetness and heat of it trickled down my throat and I felt renewed. My sight was sharper, my hearing improved, she had enhanced all of my abilities. Her blood was like drinking liquid magic. Because of her, I would never age, and would never die. Because of her, we would be together for all time.

We’ve spoken many times about that night, she keeps reliving it over and over again. I wish there was a way I could have helped in, I wish there is a way that I can help her now. But watching her grow stronger over time, gives me a sense of peace, knowing that she will be alright.

The waking up in the middle of the night because of her night terrors are now replaced with the small cries of our baby girl, Gabrielle Evangeline. Ava’s pregnancy came as a shock to us both, seeing as how she’s not supposed to be able to have children. But the joy that came with seeing her swell, knowing that my child was growing inside her, softened my heart. I would never treat her the way I was treated. I would give her every bit of love and respect I carried in my heart. She would never know rejection. She would never be unloved. She would always have me. After everything we both had gone through, I still felt like things were too good to be true.

As I watch over Gabby now, I’m proud of how strong and smart she is becoming. A cross between both Ava and me, she is the best of us. I can only hope it stays that way.

Still, I remember Ava telling me that my father granted hers a request for a daughter, one who was supremely powerful. I wonder if Ava requested of Him the same thing, though I dare not ask her. The Devil does not give gifts out of the kindness of his heart. He is not a generous being. Everything that he does comes at a price.

For now, I’ll watch over my two girls, whom I am obsessively in love with, and keep them safe from all dangers, dangers like my Father. What could possibly stand in our way? Who could possibly stop us?

                          Part One                    Part Two

 Taglist:

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[queersatanic]

Hey, Im queer and also new to the whe satanic temple, satanist thing, I do believe in it but I'm confused still, any advice on how to tell loved ones who have no religion/ respect any religion as long as it doesn't murder someone?

Well, friend, first we would strongly urge you not to continue being part of The Satanic Temple or supporting it in any way whatsoever. Not even the Seven Tenets, none of it.

If you do feel the need to be part of something larger, consider looking to the Global Order of Satan and its Six Pillars for that. There are other options, but TST specifically is privately owned by two very shitty dudes who treat their membership like garbage.

But to actually answer your question, you do sound a little young, so the first issue is whether it's safe for you to come out to your family as a Satanist. If it's not, you should protect yourself before everything else.

If it is safe — if you aren't going to be physically harmed or put in a more financially precarious situation — then think a bit more on what attracted you to Satanism in the first place. There are quit a lot of valid criticisms of Satanism and Satanic organizations as they have actually existed since the 1960s, so much so that we encourage people not to become Satanists at all. Familiarize yourself with this uncomfortable history and what it means both so you can answer other people about and make sure you don't repeat those mistakes.

So if you're safe, if you have a good understanding of what your Satanism is and isn't, and you have a good understanding of why you believe what you do, it should be a lot easier to explain all of that to someone else that you care about and have them understand you.

[mentiormusa-blog]

The Portrayal of Satanism and How it Affects the Youth of Today

Preface

Growing up, I always had a pretty decent idea of what was good and what was evil. I knew that cops were the good guys and the robbers were the bad guys and I knew that Batman was the hero and the Joker was the villain. But I guess the most prominent example I knew of regarding the power struggle of morality was the battle between God and the Devil, with God being the bringer of life and the Devil being the evil incarnate. But, in more recent times, with society becoming more open when it comes to one’s belief, the idea of Satan or, more appropriately, Lucifer, being a misunderstood bringer of justice has become a more accepted concept among the younger population. This is only because of how he is presented in works of fiction like the Fox television show Lucifer, which is, in turn, based off of the DC comic series of the same name. The show follows Lucifer, the archangel who was cast out of heaven for refusing to follow his father’s orders,  as he sets out to bring justice upon the criminals of L.A. This backstory can also be seen in the television show, Supernatural, where he is still a villain of the story but is given a sense of humanity for the pain he feels for being cast out by the father he loved. 

Background

The Church of Satan, which is one of more the commonly referenced branches of Satanism, was founded in 1960 by Anton Szandor Lavey in the United States.  Laveyan Satanism has the core belief of more humanistic values, which prioritizes the betterment of oneself. Satan, being the symbol of the religion, represents self assertion, rebellion against unjust authority, vital existence, and “undefiled wisdom.”

Lavey learned much about the occult and ritual-magic teachings during his time as a carnival worker and, in 1966, incorporated them in the tenants of the church he founded on the Walpurgisnacht, or April 30th (which is referred to as May eve). In 1969, he sat down and recorded these beliefs and teachings in the Satanic bible. They also participated in rituals designed to encourage members to develop their sense of self-importance and to cast away their past lives full of submissiveness.

But what appeals to people the most are the Satanic Commandments that Lavey conjured up within this bible. The 11 Satanic commandments are:

Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

Do not harm little children.

Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

Not only do these promote a more open religion for the impressionable gen z, but it also appeals to a more open society as a whole. These commandments are comparable to the ideals that have been seen more frequently within this evolving society, especially with the obvious disdain for sexual assault, child abuse, animal abuse, and being an overall nuisance.

Interview one (Axel Garcia, 17)

I was on the phone with my first subject, Axel Garcia, when the matter was brought up. Me and him have discussed both religion and the existence of an afterlife many times before this. Upon beginning the interview, I noticed that he was at ease and the topic itself did not bother him.  1

What is your Religious affiliation?

“I’m not a very religious person, I need evidence in order to believe in something so I’d say that I’m agnostic.”

When you hear the terms Satan and Satanism, what comes to mind?

“Evil and the flames of the hell for Satan and people who do not like God.”

How do you think media portrays Satan and Satanism?

“Some portray him as the king of darkness and the prince of all evil, while others portray him as this cool, chill guy who’s trying to become good.”

Would you say that this portrayal have affected the way you view them?

“As a kid, everytime he was mentioned, I thought, ‘Holy Crap, it’s the devil, he’s gonna punish me if I don’t behave,’ but as I got older, I started to think for myself and with shows like Lucifer and even kids shows sometimes painting him out to be just another person doing what he needs to do really impacted my views.” 

Interview two (Matthew Krug, 17)

The next person I interviewed was Matthew Krug. I asked him first if it was okay to interview him on the matter and, to my suprise, he was excited. The day of the interview, he kept texting me about how excited he was regarding it and how he could not wait to do it. 

What is your religious affiliation?

“I was born Roman Catholic but up until a couple years ago, I have not been as religious and I now recognize myself as agnostic.”

When you hear the term satanism, what comes to mind?

“When I was younger, Satanism was just...Satanism; they worship the devil, sacrifice babies and all that. But now, with the more that I have learned about them, I see them as more independent as anything else. The whole thing about Satanism is being independent from religion or God and that is really being a service to yourself than to a higher power.”

When you hear the term Satan, what comes to mind?

“Well, because of popular media and stuff like that, the term Satan and the Devil will obviously be coincided with evil and bad, but right now, Satan is just...Satan, I don’t really feel a certain way about the word or have any negative or positive connotations with it.”

How do you think media portray Satan and Satanism?

“Obviously, since the world is run by religion, Satan and Satanism are portrayed as the bad guys and evil.”

Would you say that this portrayal have affected the way you view them?

“No, because I know it’s just pop culture; it’s just media putting their two-cents in.”

If you had to stereotype a Satanist, how would you describe them?

“The stereotypical ones are the people who draw pentagrams in lambs blood and sacrifice virgins and babies. But, as I see them now, they’re just people trying to believe in and follow a certain ideological standpoint and deity just like everyone else. I’m not going to persecute them for that.

Interview three (Christopher Dellinger)

The next person I decided to interview was my father, who is active in the music scene. Having played in numerous rock and alternative bands for the past couple of decades, I decided to speak with him about the matter. When the topic was brought up, I noticed that he was passionate about it. The questions for this interview went more in depth than the other ones.

What is your religious affiliation?

“Christian.”

When you hear the term Satan, what comes to mind?

“The Devil, a two-horned man with red skin and a goatee. The father of evil, the one who crushes the universe.”

When you hear the term Satanism, what comes to mind?

“A group of impressionable people who made up their views based off of a fictitious book written by Anton Lavey (Satanic Bible) in the 1960 who don’t really have a clue on what goes on.” 

How would you say that Satan and Satanism is portrayed in media?

“It’s glorified, to make Satan seem like a superhero and is portrayed as something spooky, yet cool, which is not a good interpretation. Unfortunately, if there is a good and an evil, Hell is not going to be a party. If you go to Hell, you’re screwed; there is not this big rock and roll party in the streets where you get to hang out with your bros and jam out to Ozzy Osbourne and eat barbecue. So the portrayal is misguiding.”

Would you say that this portrayal has affected the way younger generations see him?

“Yes, because they blur the lines between good and evil and they glorify satan by thinking that Satan is actually good and could be something possible when it’s not.”

Would you say that this portrayal have affected the way you view them?

“Kind of, because it makes me dislike the fake Satanists, the people that believe in Anton Lavey, that do not have a good understanding of good and evil and think that they could have created a religion in the 1960’s. They claim that they are their own God and that they don’t believe in it while denouncing the bible.”

How do you feel about the younger generations viewing Satan as this anti-hero, in a way?

“Unfortunately, they’re just misguided, and don’t have a proper understanding of the religion or what Satanism actually is.”

Since you’re in the heavy metal scene and have been for awhile, how would you say that this portrayal has affected rock and roll?

“There’s a funness about it because there is rebellion such as ACDC’s Highway to Hell. Heavy metal has been associated with Satan. Members of Slayer have actually said that they’re catholics and it’s all for show. Marilyn Manson has had a career on being a priest at the Church of Satan and using Satan as a platform. But, in the end of the day, it’s all theatrics and, in that aspect, it’s fun for Halloween and shock rock. It’s fun as rebellion, but as long as the lines aren’t crossed and someone doesn’t commit an act of evil, then it’s fine. Partying with the devil seems like a great idea, but at the end of the day, as long as those lines aren’t blurred, it’s entertainment and shouldn’t be taken more than face value.”

Would you say that this portrayal is affecting the way kids see religion?

“Yes, it’s changing to an extent but there is always been young people that have rebelled against their parents. It’s just comes in different forms and now it might be more open, but it is what it is. Kids will always rebel against what their parents want for them until they are parents and the cycle just repeats itself.”

Conclusion

Going into this topic, I initially thought that Satanism and Satan were prime components of society that affected children but, the more research that I did, the more I realized that this issue could actually be viewed as an overlying theme and broken into a cluster of smaller pieces meant for a grander puzzle; glorification, societal acceptance, the change of religious importance, and rebellion.

With glorification and societal acceptance, which can both be tied into each other, one could infer that this type of response only happens when society allows for it. The idea of living in a society in which has become more accepting to unconventional practices, allows for this newer generation, who are leading members of this more liberal movement, to find an interest in a ideal that has previously been found as ludicrous and taboo. This, in turn, creates a worldwide mindset where people can, in a sense, exist in a moral purgatory; where life and, more specifically, morality, is not so black and white. Where something that should be inherently evil can have the possibility of being viewed as something else. And Laveyan Satanism caters to that by turning Satan into a symbol of acceptance.

As for teenage rebellion and religious importance, which can also be tied into each other, Satan is only an example of an outlet for children to rebel against an ‘unjust authoritarian figure,’ aka their parents (which correlates to the very symbolism this figure has within the religion). With Satan being such a prominent figure for being on the opposite end of the spectrum of conventional thinking and beliefs, teens are drawn to him for shock value. Plus, with how he is portrayed as this symbol of freedom, free thinking, and a live-for-yourself mentality, it is no surprise that teens wouldn’t see him as something entirely evil for they see a piece of themselves within the illusionary mask of the devil. And, if religion plays an important role within their upbringing, it is more likely for them to follow this path in order to spite their parents and drift away from family-set expectations.

[hisatonement]

Hey, Dennis my dude, do you have any advice on this? There’s this creepy cult in my middle-of-buck-nowhere no-name town. Like, these freaks are fucking Satanists. Recently I’ve began to suspect they’re planning on literally sacrificing young children to literal demons from hell. What do I do? How do I stop them? No, I can’t simply call the police; the cops are in on it, because of course they are.

"Ah Christ it's too early for this... Aight, send over the location and any evidence you have, I can get in touch with some of my old hunter buddies,(the ones that don't want me dead) to do some research and check it out. If its not too far I could fly over and do some recon."

[that-satanic-witch]

some advice for young theistic satanists (part 1)

Hopefully this is going to be a non-generic, non-boomer, non fortune-cookie-like kind of advice which will not give you a glycaemic peak or make your eyes roll so hard it hurts. It's painful to witness older satanists giving out the cringiest kind of patronizing advice, stuff that in my younger years I would have dismissed with a middle finger and a loud scoff (wait, I still would). You know the kind... the "stay in school!", "be you!", "listen to your mama!"... So let's start here, because I want this to be crystal clear: - only those who are having a hard time in school would ever think about dropping out, and telling them to stay there doesn't help, it only invalidates their suffering. - Only those who already know who they are, also know HOW to be themselves. All those who have been denied their identity, possibly through bullying, people-pleasing and emotional abuse, will have no use for a "be you!" pep talk. - Only those who have a decent household and mentally stable parents can be reminded to listen to them, but for all those whose parents are abusive, emotionally castrating or unavailable, narcissistic, manipulative or neglectful (which is sadly very common), an advice such as this is like adding insult to injury, because you're literally taking the side of the abuser. Do these people realize how invalidating their advice can be? Possibly they didn't have to go through all this crap... but I did.

So, stay in school, as long as it doesn't make you wake up every morning with a panic attack. In most countries there are alternatives. I dropped out and studied on my own for the last two years and, voilà!, got my high school diploma anyway, without having to wreck my already precarious mental sanity by dealing with assholes every day (and by doing that, I also proved my parents' "laziness theory" wrong). Mental health is so immensely important, guys, I can't stress this enough... but I'll get back to that later.

Next... discovering who you are is the most important thing. Read that again. There are many people out there who waste their entire life having no idea who the fuck they really are. They might get a glimpse of their true self once in a while but never be able to grasp it: those people will be forever frustrated. And angry. And unfulfilled.  Spend every free moment trying to find out who you are. Explore yourself through any kind of art, listen to new genres of music, learn new skills, see if you're good at creating stuff with your hands or you're more of an academic, go places and discover if you prefer the mountains or the sea, be aware of everything that makes you all fizzy and excited: that's you. Be curious and always hungry for knowledge, read more than one source and than decide what makes more sense to you (but science is science, don’t be a fucking flat earther). Be aware of your thought processes. Why do you like something? Why you don't? How does something make you feel? Is this thing something that YOU like or something that you're forcing yourself to like to please someone else? If you feel comfortable in keeping a diary (or a pinterest account or whatever format you prefer), make an infinite list of everything you love and everything you hate. Make one every year or two and you'll see things disappearing from the list, or appearing because they're new discoveries, and also things that will still be there. That's all you in your glorious self-searching process. This is also valid for people: why do you like someone and dislike someone else? I could go on, but I think you get where I'm going with this: the only way to find yourself is to experience life as much as possible and notice how you react to it.

And here we are at the "listen to your mama" thing... Look, if your parents are somewhat mentally sane and you have a good relationship with them, apart from the occasional healthy teenage crisis, by all means, follow their advice since it comes from a good place. But... If you're struggling and your relationship with your parents or guardians makes you legitimately suffer so much that it has a negative effect on your mental health, there are two main actions you can take. The first is easy and free: educate yourself on the various kinds of psychological abuse. I'm not saying that you either have a sane parent or one that is a complete psycho. There are many types of fucked up personalities in between, but they're more common than we think and since we live in a society that still puts parenthood on a golden pedestal, so many times people don't realize that their parents could be placed somewhere in the shitty spectrum and the suffering that they caused goes untreated. The second thing you should do, if ever possible (and AS SOON AS possible), is psychotherapy. And not the kind that just gives you medication: chemical imbalance is a real thing, but the therapy I'm talking about is the one that will teach you how to shift from reacting to responding. Find a professional that knows Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It's a fucking life saver. Oh, also... try and find friends who can be an emotional support. I'm not saying that you can't make it on your own, but with a friend it’s less painful.

At this point you might think that I talk too much and that all this stuff can be valid for everybody, not just young satanists. Well... yes... and yes. But those three sugar bombs where more sappy than a hallmark christmas movie and insulting, and just the pathetic result of an oversimplified and lazy view on life. And I needed to start this discussion by mentioning these three. I'll be back with some advice *specifically* for young (theistic) satanists.

[satanseternalbenevolence-blog]

Memoirs of a Satan©

Hi, my name is Scott (You say, “Hi Scott”) and I am the new Satan. I have inherited the mantle and power of the Antichrist to do good in the World. Yes, you read that correctly, to do good in the World (more on this later). I don't know why I was chosen, maybe my core beliefs and understanding of humanity are the reasons why, or maybe I was just lucky. Either way, here I am, a 55-year-old raised Jewish (btw, the Jews don’t believe in Heaven and Hell) Atheistic Satanist from Los Angeles CA. I’ve often fantasized about having superpowers, but I never thought that I would actually have them, let alone become the most ultimate ‘villain’ ever!

Entry 1 I’ll never forget that day. The past few days the weather was beautiful, clear skies and temps around the mid-seventies. But by late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, a storm blew in from the coast. Pasadena, where my wife Beth and our two dogs Sophie and Sadie live, was expected to get up to 3 inches of rain, and after the 5+ years of drought we’ve had, 3 inches seemed like an ocean. I drove to work instead of riding my URB-E (Urban Electric motorized bike) to be safe. I work as a Security Officer at a Botanical Garden just south of Pasadena. I was at my post at the entrance of the gardens, under my huge orange Shademaker umbrella watching the rain pour down around me as I greeted the few visitors that come to the Garden on a day like today. A man walks up behind me and hands me a wallet and says that he found it in the desert garden and was told to give it to me. I thanked him and then went to examine the lost wallet. It was black leather, nothing special about it except for the fact that it was completely dry. As I opened it to see if there was any I.D. in it there was a number of credit cards in their appointed slots, and a card that read:

Hello Scott, you have been chosen to be the next Satan in this World. Do not throw away, give away, or turn this wallet into lost and found, it is yours now. You have every major credit card with unlimited credit to live on. More information will be revealed to you shortly. Your powers will go into effect in 24 hours. Hail Satan! Satan #30

You may be asking, how can you be Satan with all his powers and wisdom if you consider yourself an Atheist and don't believe in God or religion? The answer came to me that night. I slept like a rock (if rocks actually sleep), maybe it was the bowl of Dantes Fire I smoked before bed, but I was out when my head hit the pillow. In the dream I had, Satan #30 came to me as the devil character drawn by the artist Coop - red skin, pointy ears, horns, and goatee, and his signature cigar. He shared with me that yes, I was chosen because of my core beliefs and values and my understanding of humanity. He shared with me the history and understanding of this Being in the World. Man created religions and the Gods they associated with them. According to scriptures, God cast Satan out and gave him the power over this World. Since his power is in this negative realm, it is manifest as tangible and thus can make physical changes here. God is all speculative and invisible and does not have real power on Earth. Believers work themselves up into a frenzy because a preacher tells them that it’s the Holy Spirit working through them or they see the miracle of Jesus’ face on a piece of toast, but none of it is real. To quote the band Styx, “Welcome to the Grand Illusion.” The true paradox is that there has been more death, war, and destruction in the name of God, who is supposed to be the 'good guy' and Satan, the 'bad guy,' has been the one who brought positive changes.

The most important thing I was told to remember with this responsibility is to always be aware of how my choices and actions will affect future history. Yes, I can wipe out poverty and suffering instantly and make the ones who have been greedy and the cause of all the pain in the World pay for their crimes, but that wouldn't serve humanity in the long run. By manifesting such miracles I would be acting as a God and destroy the entity that is Satan. Giving the blessings of personal responsibility and cause & effect gradually will serve mankind in the long run. I'm what you might call a Spiritual, er I mean Satanic Lowrider.

I grew up in a very relaxed, reformed Jewish household. I went to Hebrew school after public school and studied for my Bar Mitzvah. In the Jewish religion, when a child turns 13 they are considered a man or woman after ceremonially reading from the Torah (holy scriptures) and collect lots of gelt (money) as gifts. Like most of my schooling, I squeaked by like the crackling voice of a young teenage boy. I was sent to the Rabbi’s office for disrupting the class so often you’d think we were having an affair. I would walk out of Temple singing the old McDonald’s commercial, “Scrambled eggs and sausage, yeaaaaa!” I was a bad Jew even then.

After my parents died at the end of my teens I became more spiritual and joined a non-denominational church called the Movement of Spiritual Awareness or M.S.I.A. I became a minister, chanted my tones, and did a lot of volunteering. I was really into it and thought that I had finally found my home and family, I was only in my mid-twenties. Everything was very ‘woo woo’ as I was sending the Light and ‘deflecting’ negativity. I was using all the lingo, “I ask for the Light of the Holy Spirit to surround, fill, and protect us for the highest good.”

As I grew into adulthood, worked a full-time job, got married, got divorced and lived on my own once again, the spiritual stuff faded from my life. I still wanted to believe that there was a God or Power greater than us but became disgusted by organized religion and their manipulative ways. Too many rules telling you how to eat, dress, and act (Fuck you, I like eating bacon!). I guess I was an Agnostic at this point. It took a couple of decades, but I finally accepted the fact that we are on our own, products of evolution, and proclaimed myself an Atheist.

When I met Beth at the end of 2003, I knew I had met my true Partner-In-Crime. As I was growing up in Culver City on the west side, Beth was going through much of the same family issues and cultural changes over the hill in North Hollywood. She also grew up in a reformed Jewish family and could relate to everything I went through as a youth. Although Beth does not like labels, she finally claimed the mantle of Atheist along with me. We call ourselves Deli Jews because these days we’re only in it for the food but still relate to our families as Jews culturally.

As I observed the changes in the World and started to learn the truth behind a lot of the things that society takes for granted - such as  thinking that our air is clean, our food is healthy, our legal system is fair, and our government is ‘For The People.’ I started to look at science as the truth and the way. Some people would call me a conspiracy theorist, but what is a conspiracy anyway? According to the dictionary, a con*spir*a*cy is a secret plan by a group of people to do something unlawful or harmful. Looking at the greed and manipulation of religions, governments, and corporations, I’d say there is a plethora of conspiring going on! So yes, I guess I am a good candidate to be the latest incarnation of Satan.

One of my first dilemmas was how to tell my wife that suddenly I am the embodiment of The Devil? "Hey Honey, by the way, you know that whole Satanist thing I'm into, yeah well, I'm Satan!" Actually, she was quite accepting of my new job title, especially the part about how our needs will always be met and we can live an easier life now. Part of the job description states that Satan's chosen family and loved ones will be taken care of as long as they respect the terms laid out by Satan. My siblings with receive the benefits of good health and enjoyment of life as long as they take care of themselves and don't rely on me to do it all for them. Here's an example - I may grant my brother good health and for every pound he loses, his family will also lose a pound until they all reach the healthiest weight for their size and body type. As long as they all continue to make an effort to live healthy through diet and physical activity the benefits will remain. If they choose to be lazy about it and expect Satan to just fix their lives for them, they will be on their own to deal with the consequences of the actions. That's pretty much how it works - take responsibility and step up to the plate and the blessings will be yours, choose to be lazy or arrogant, and karma kicks in.

Entry 2 Sure enough, 24 hours after I read that card from my new wallet, at exactly 12:00 noon, I have to vomit. So much for my half hour lunch. I spent the entire 30 minutes with my head in the toilet. At first, I thought it was my vertigo acting up again, but this was different. As I was puking I felt lighter, clearer, and freer than I have ever felt. I don’t know what was coming out of me, but I was glad to see it go. Once I stood up and washed my face, I felt like a million bucks! I thought to myself, that must have been my final initiation into Satanhood. So here I am, with the ability to affect people’s lives, and for lack of a better term change things in the physical world, but how do I do it? There was no instruction manual or advice from my chat with Satan #30 on how to do this. I kinda felt like Ralph Hinkley from the show The Greatest American Hero - here are your powers, you figure it out. I’m at work and now I am the latest Satan incarnate, let’s have some fun.

Part of my job is to make sure that people are wearing a paid admission sticker to enter the gardens. We close at 5:00 pm and stop selling tickets at 4:00 pm because it’s not fair to sell someone full price when they only have one hour to visit. Inevitably I get at least a few groups that come after 4:00 and want to come in. Here’s how the interaction always goes, I say, “Hi guys, do you have your stickers?” They reply, “What stickers?” I inform them that they have to have paid in order to pass this point, but we stop selling tickets at 4. “But we just spent X number of hours on the road to get here and we really want to see the Huntington gardens!” they exclaim. I explain to them that they should come back another day and plan to spend all day and that we are open from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm every day except Tuesday because we are closed. Before I can finish that sentence, they blurt out, “Oh we’re flying out of town tonight.” I always get frustrated because I hear this excuse over and over and over ad nauseam. Here they are with a smartphone in hand and they never thought to call or look up our website to find out what time we close?!? Today, I thought, let’s test out these new Satanic powers of mine <insert evil grin here>.

As I expected, at 4:15 pm a couple approaches, reads the sign on the front on my podium that reads ADMISSION REQUIRED BEYOND THIS POINT, and decides to confront me, “We just got here and reeeeeally want to see the gardens!” Me: “Sorry, but we’re closing in 45 minutes. I suggest you come back…” Them: “We’re flying back to Miami tonight. Can’t we just” At this point I thought, now would be a good time to test out my new satanic skills. I looked at them eyes wide, my mouth and left hand open, and then snapped them shut to simulate shutting their mouths with all the satanic power I could muster! Nothing happened. They kept talking but looking at me a little strange. Okay, my first attempt at summoning my new abilities didn’t quite work. “we promise we won’t tell if you let us in. We'll be quick, I promise. I just want to take a few pictures with my phone” “STOP!" I said firmly. Silence. “No, you cannot come in. Did it ever occur to you to pick up that smartphone you have in your hand and call here to see what time we were open until? Or look up our website? You show up 45 minutes before we close and it’s MY problem, what do you think, this is McDonald’s and you can have it your way?!?” This time they did stop talking, by the puzzled look on their faces and the impossible attempts at uttering a word, they couldn’t talk! So using my words of persuasion to command my power is one way of accessing it. Let’s find another!

I couldn’t get home fast enough. A gazillion ideas of what my powers were and how the hell I’m going to access them ran through my mind on my ride home. Usually, the 15 miles an hour of my URB-E didn’t bother me, but today I needed a rocket! Wait, I have super satanic powers, that  I - don’t - know - how - to - use. “Patience,” I told myself, I’ve got a lot to think about and fantasize about.

So this is the first time that Beth is seeing me with my new powers. She knew I was excited, but also warned me about going slow and keeping my satanic sorcery close to home and to not fuck with the neighbors (at least not yet). I stood there on our back patio ready to…I don’t know? Wave my magic wand? Point my finger with authority and intent? Use mind control? I started by thinking, WWSD - What Would Satan Do? Ah fuck it, how should I know? I’ve only had the job for a day, I don’t think I’m expected to know how to do it all by now. I decided to stop for now and go smoke a bowl of some fine Indica. 15 minutes later while laying on the bed with our dogs, I got it! Let go, detach, and relax your mind, then tell it what you want. Have two huge salads ready for Beth and I was what I thought on my way from the bedroom to the kitchen (all of about 30 ft.). By the time I stepped foot in the kitchen, Beth says uncontrollably, “WHERE THE FUCK DID THOSE COME FROM?” All I could do after looking at the beautiful salads on the table and turning my head to Beth was grin and wink ;-).

Over the munching and crunching of our scrumptious salads, we talked about how do I want to use these powers and do I want to go public with my new identity and keep in on the down-low. We both agreed that keeping it on the d-l would be the wisest and safest choice. I thought I’d start practicing locally, with my community - work, around town, and of course our neighbors. We love most of our neighbors, but there are some, let’s just say they could use a lesson or two about attitude and parking.

We live on a busy, main street that is our only place to park. The block is all apartments. Some of these neighbors own upwards of 4 or 5 cars and trucks! Not huge families, small families - parents and their two young kids, and couples. And, they don’t know how to park for shit - 3 feet from the curb, their back end sticking out, and parking in the middle of a spot that can fit 2 cars.

It’s a shame that there has been a rash of incidences of cars getting towed because they seemed to be parked in the middle of the street or on someone's lawn <insert evil grin here>.

Now, I know that part of the responsibility of being Satan is not just doing parlor tricks, so what else should I be doing with my newly acquired talents? The only one I can think of to ask is my predecessor, Satan #30. Before bed tonight, I took a long look at the tattoo I have on my left calf of Coop’s Satan that Beth and I got on our 10 year wedding anniversary. It was the first in a series of our tradition of getting a Halloween style tattoo each year to commemorate our years together. We were married on Halloween and love collecting tats, so this has become our anniversary gift to each other. Since #30 came to me like this version of Satan, I figured this would be a good way of focusing my energy on him before drifting off to sleep.

It worked. That floating, talking, cigar smoking little devil showed up ready to help. I found out later that part of your mitzvah (a good deed in Jewish belief) as a prior Satan is to assist the present torch bearer whenever they ask for it. My main question, aside from clarifying how to access these powers, was what is the best way to serve mankind (and not as a main course)? He reassured me that focus and a clear intent on what I want to create is the best way to access my powers, and to have fun with it (he forgot to mention that the first time we chatted). As far as how to be of service, his suggestion was to always think, how will this action benefit those involved? Even if my commandment is a form of tough love and is there to teach a lesson (as I did with the couple that wanted to enter the Huntington at 4:15 without paying), it must be for the highest good of all concerned. He also suggested I read the ENCYCLOPAEDIA OF HELL - An Invasion Manual For Demons Concerning the Planet Earth translated from the demonic by Martin Olson that was originally written by the O.S. (Original Satan). It gives some good insights into the truth behind Humankind.

I woke up refreshed and ready for my new job. After a nice cold shower, it was time to get to work. If my family is to be taken care of during my tenure, let’s start today. Our dogs, Sophie (a pit bull mix) and Sadie (a short-haired, low-riding Dachshund) are two knuckleheads that can be stubborn sometimes. I want them around as my Hellhounds for a long time, so they shall have perfect health, ticks and fleas can’t touch them, and they are perfectly obedient. All Beth and I have to do, is calmly tell them what to do, and it’s done - no fuss, no stress (for us or for them). I took them for a nice long walk. Even though I could now walk them without a leash knowing that nothing will happen without my consent, I didn’t want to break any laws. I put their collars and leashes on but had the leashes floating up as if I was holding them (kind of like the invisible dog trick with the wire in the leash). And I stopped picking up their poop piles. Now the canine logs of excrement instantly turn into the perfect fertilizer for the grass or plant it lands on. Happy dogs, happy daddy!

When Beth got home, we sat on the couch after dinner and discussed what she and I wanted in terms of our physical health and appearance. Obviously, we wanted perfect internal and mental health, but how do we want our bodies to improve. Beth wanted to slim up, clear skin and strength to do what she loves - hiking, skating, and exploring the World. I chose to only have a minute amount of body fat and more muscle definition along with the strength to keep up with Beth. To not attract too much attention, I’m having this transformation happen gradually yet quickly over a period of about 6 months, most people don’t notice anything odd about changes that take place over a slightly extended period of time, plus it will feel more natural that way. To not have to worry about vertigo, hearing loss, and erectile dysfunction, AWESOME!

There is one group that I’m involved with that I think might like to hear this news, the Los Angeles chapter of The Satanic Temple. I’ve been a member for about a year and a half and really love where their heart is. TST is doing a lot of work nationally for Freedom OF Religion and Free Speech, as well as the constant struggle to separate Church and State. The L.A. chapter has put on some fucking amazing Satanic Masses as fundraisers and as a way for people who feel like outsiders in society to come together and be accepted. I knew that they would understand the terms of the way I am to assist them, and that fact that we are going to have a hellaciously fun time doing it! To give you an example of what the Temple of Satan believes, here are the Seven Tenets we follow:

One should strive to act with compassion and empathy towards all creatures in accordance with reason.

The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.

One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.

The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.

Beliefs should conform to our best scientific understanding of the world. We should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit our beliefs.

People are fallible. If we make a mistake, we should do our best to rectify it and remediate any harm that may have been caused.

Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.

Quite a bunch of evil motherfuckers, huh? One of the things about TST that I love is the fact that they don’t worship the actual being known as Satan, they believe in what the literary character represents - freedom from oppression, knowledge, and fun, as opposed to the other literary character that so many sheeple blindly follow. Now they have the real deal, the definite article, the man-the myth-the legend - Me. How are they going to explain that? I’d suggest keeping this our little secret and have fun doing the good works that we do. They also use Satan and Satanism for shock value to demonstrate to not always judge a book by its cover - Satanist doing good in the World and believers in God doing horrible things in his name. Btw, Anton LaVey - poser.

I can’t help but fantasize even more about all the ways I can help people and right injustices without anyone knowing it was me. If I see someone being kind to another person, I might reward them by paying for his or her parking or picking up his or her tab at a restaurant anonymously. Maybe teachers who choose to teach the truth and not just the curriculum that they are told to teach and brainwash their students will be given the support that they deserve. I love to see children become curious and question why things are the way they are. Like training a dog with positive reinforcement, every time a kid helps another kid whom he or she doesn’t know well or stands up to a bully, they get an instant reward of some sort such as found money, a certificate of appreciation, or their favorite meal from their parents. If a driver steals a parking spot that someone else is waiting for, their car dies and has to be towed. My mind just goes on, and on, and on thinking of ways to be the best Satan I can be.

“Be all that you can be, become a Satanist!”

And just so no-one catches on, I’m going to do these type of things all over the World so it doesn’t look like wherever I am miracles happen. Am I starting to sound like a god or something? Maybe so, but I am Satan. Again, I love that fact that this demonstrates not to judge a book by its cover, that which we label as good or evil just might be the complete opposite. Positive chaos can be the perfect action to right wrongs and balance unsteady ground. What if people of different nationalities and economic levels came together and organized against tyranny and oppression? Hey, a Devil can dream can’t he?

There’s a trick I’ve always wanted to do. I saw it in the 1995 movie Powder about an Albino teenager with extrasensory perception and the ability to heal the sick. In one scene, the main character Powder is camping with a group of boys (I think it was the Boy Scouts or something like that) and their adult counselors when one of the boys shoots a deer with a hunting rifle. Deeply saddened by the event, Powder touches the dying animal with one hand and grabs the hand of one of the adults. What transpires is that Powder acted as a conduit so that the adult counselor could see and experience what the deer was going through as it takes its last breaths. It’s a true example of demonstrating empathy. I would love to experience someone acting like an asshole, insensitive, or being a racist dickhead and just shake their hand or touch their shoulder and have them feel what the person that they are picking on feels when they are treated that way (Seems like a very Jesus thing to do, maybe I’ll go easy on this one).

I’m not a sports fan, I believe that sports are another way for humans to stay divided, it’s that whole ‘us against them’ thing. But I do love wearing jersey’s, so I bought a hockey, football, baseball, and basketball jersey in my favorite colors - orange, black, and gray, with my name BERGER on the back and number 31 (get it?) on all of them. GO TEAM BERGER SATAN! Did I mention that I suck at playing sports? I grew up with asthma and couldn’t run, let alone play without wheezing and coughing my head off. I died inside during P.E. every time the coach would yell, “EVERYONE RUN A LAP!” Even now, I have no desire to jog, run, or chase a ball (I’ll leave that to my Hellhounds, Sophie and Sadie).

Entry 3 Date night with the Mrs., tonight we’re going to see DEADPOOL 2. We loved the first movie and have been looking forward to this sequel for a long time. As usual, we got there early enough to get some buttered popcorn and our seats before the 20 minutes of previews. We like to sit at the top of the theater in the back row if possible so we don’t have to listen to anyone talking or munching behind us during the movie. We found a couple of seats at the top on the left side, with no one sitting around us. The previews we’re okay, a few of them that I can never seem to remember when I leave the theater, I want to come back and see.

Just as the movie starts, these three Jugheads with enough candy and food to feed a small nation, sit down right in front of us. We look at each other with that knowing glance that a couple develops after being together for years. We silently decided to not say anything yet, to wait and see. Once they started feeding their faces they became a little bit quieter, since their mouths were full of junk food. But about halfway through the movie, the commentating and texting began. “Why the fuck didn’t he just kill the motherfucker?” “Dude, that's fucking stupid! He can’t be dead, and what’s with all this mushy love shit?” exclaimed two of them while the third kept texting with the clicking sound on his keyboard. That’s it, last straw, time to have some fun.

I had the scene in the movie stop, and Deadpool played by Ryan Reynolds breaks the fourth wall (in stage and film, that’s where the actor interacts directly with the audience), and addresses the three Jugheads. “HEY PEABRAINS, YEAH YOU, THE THREE STOOGES IN THE BACK WITH A SEVERE CASE OF THE MUNCHIES AND OPINIONS - SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I WILL COME OUT THERE AND TURN YOU INTO A SUB-HUMAN CENTIPEDE!” At first, everyone thought this was a joke and part of the movie, but this wasn’t a 3D movie and none of us were wearing 3D glasses either. When Deadpool reached out of the screen with both hands and his ‘avocado-had-sex-with-an-older-avocado’ face and came towards our noisy neighbors, at least two of them pissed their sagging pants and I think the third shit himself. They ran out of there embarrassed as hell holding their poop and pee stained pants hoping nobody sees or says anything to them. After clearing the air of stench and replacing it with a gentle floral fragrance, I allowed Mr. Deadpool to continue with his scene (only after Deadpool and all the theater attendees applauded the Jugheads departure). By the way, everyone at our screening of DEADPOOL 2 received a full refund and two free passes per person to come back to see another movie.

Entry 4 8:30 am. It's too early to listen to all the squawking going on in the trees around my post. From the sounds of it, you'd think I was in a rain forest and a predator was threatening the flocks. The only way I'm going to enjoy my coffee and start the day in a good mood is to quiet things down a bit. A little concentration and a mighty, "SHUSH!" and silence. Ahh, that's better.

I was reflecting today on people who rock the boat, specifically at their jobs. Maybe, the employees who challenge the system, question management, care about their jobs and speak up, are the smart ones and the ones to listen to. They see what’s really going on first hand (the boots in the trenches), and usually have very innovative solutions to these problems. The workers and management that play by all the rules, are calm and complacent all the time, and are just buying their time in hopes of a good pension to retire on, are the dangerous ones. The latter live in fear and would never rock the boat or go out on a limb, especially for their staff. The meek shall inherit the Earth if anyone would listen to them! Maybe now I can bend a few ears and make some changes.

I’ve got to stop listening to bands like Ministry on the way home, without trying I was hitting speeds upwards of 60 mph on my URB-E. Focus Scott and remember safety first.

Entry 5 I was thinking about the quote from the King James Bible, 1 Timothy 6:10, "For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” There has been a meme going around that states IF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, THEN WHY DOES THE CHURCH ALWAYS ASK FOR IT?. I found this to be a very good question. It sounds rather hypocritical to me - they preach the evils of the love of money, at the same time they keep asking you to donate it to the Church. I’ll bet that the Church's answer would be that they [the Church] are there to take the burden of the evils of money off of their parishioners. How fucking Christ-like of them.

Thank God Satan doesn’t have to ask for donations! I can’t see myself going door-to-door begging for change, “Hi, would you like to donate whatever you can to support your favorite arch-nemesis and fall-guy?” I’ve never liked the whole sales pitch thing. Even when organizations that I’ve been involved with called it ‘sharing your experience’ instead of what you are really doing which is selling goods and services, I was still hocking their wares. Isn’t Greed one of the 7 ‘deadly’ ‘sins’? Way to teach by example you cross-loving-self-righteous-robber-barons!

The Church asks for donations and tithing (giving 10% of your income), Jewish temples require payment to become a member, and Muslims are obligated to participate in a form of tithing called zakah. You can’t tell me that religion isn’t big business, this is a global money-making machine of ancient and epic proportions. Fuck the poor, praise the rich, and pray for trickle-down economics.

Entry 6 I woke up, made some deliciously strong Armenian coffee with smoked tea in the mix for an added flavor and caffeine fix, and started perusing Facebook. I started to feel discouraged by all the hate and religious rhetoric that is being vomited all over the internet these days. I hadn’t realized just how many people actually and wholeheartedly believe their chosen religion above common sense and logic. So here I am, the embodiment of ‘Evil’ on this planet, surrounded by a HUGE majority that believes that their chosen invisible god is the only one. I’m here to use my powers for good in the midst of this turmoil of political and religious power struggle which is purely manmade (kinda sounds like a comic book. I’m sure I can get Stan Lee to appear as a cameo in this nightmare of a reality, maybe as God himself and we can arm wrestle).

According to Wikipedia, Satan is an entity in the Abrahamic religions that seduces humans into sin. In Christianity and Islam, he is usually seen as a fallen angel, or a jinni, who used to possess great piety and beauty but rebelled against God, who nevertheless allows him temporary power over the fallen world and a host of demons. The Seducer, I like it! My thoughts on sin are that it is not negative, but merely human attributes. Seducing people to be the best self they can be (No, I am NOT plagiarizing the U.S. Army) sounds like a cool part of the job. Fallen Angel - well I am kind of a klutz, and I LOVE the term Host of Demons! I also like the name Satan because it only has two syllables. The Devil {3}, Lucifer {3}, Beelzebub {4}, they don’t slide off the tongue as Satan does.

I’m guessing that what I’ve been going through the last couple of days has been a ‘reflective time.’ It feels like I’m re-learning about myself all over again. I love the fact that part of the responsibility of being Satan is to keep yourself on the down-low, I call it Satanic Lowriding. The real magician behind the curtain, the master illusionist with a heart, the manipulator of mirth…Satan!

Entry 7 Sometimes I let the dogs poop in the house just so I have something to do that reminds me of the good ol’ days. They’re so well trained these days that it’s almost boring. Last night while walking them we passed a rather aggressive Chihuahua and it’s owner (is 'owner' not politically correct?), er, I mean person, that was so distracted by her cell phone that she didn’t even know her precious little pooch was acting like a terror. As we tried to pass, I had Sadie our Dachshunds eyes glow bright red and growl a low guttural rumble that meant, “GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!” The Chihuahua got the message loud and clear, it yelped and curled up in a ball like a pill bug. Its person was easy, I simply killed the power to her phone, and then telepathically called her an evil demon and said, “Pay attention, Satan is watching you!” Of course, she dropped her phone in horror and looked around frantically trying to figure out who did this. When she looked my way, and I turned to grin at her with glowing red eyes to see her reaction - priceless!

Entry 8 I find myself asking, “WWSD - What Would Satan Do?” The Satan, Numero Uno Satanas, the OS - Original Satan, and how did he come to be? Did he just *appear* after his mention in the bible, or was it more organic like he was struck by a meteor particle? That must have been scary the first time he found out he had supernatural powers, “GOD DAMN IT, WHO THREW THAT ROCK?” Did he get tripped by a vagrant and cursed him, “May your feet fall off at the ankle!” and they did. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall the first time Satan read the bible. I bet Satan himself started a lot of the rumors and stereotypes about ‘The Devil’ throughout the Centuries.

At work, I was sitting there watching people shuffling around trying to figure out how to navigate the map of the gardens and what they want to see first. As they passed by, depending on their reaction to my greeting, I might make them lose their voice for about an hour or make some small physical improvement such as clear up acne, or even cause their clothes to fit them perfectly as if tailored just for them. I had a tour group of Japanese people act very rude towards me so I made them all speak Swedish for the rest of the day (that made my day a lot brighter).  

I know I’m supposed to do good in the World, but I can’t help but think that Satan was the Original Prankster. Maybe it’s that image of the devil with that gleam in his eye and that wink that says, “I got your back kid, let’s have some fun!”  

Entry 9 Aside from just my dogs, I can communicate with the other species of the animal kingdom. Sitting outside on the back patio of our apartment I was watching a crow on a power line cawing to the other crows in the area. He was looking for his murder (a group of crows is called a murder) which he became separated from. He must have sensed that I was looking at him because he stopped, turned his head in my direction and cocked his head to one side as if to say, “You understand me.” I nodded my head in agreement and calmly said, “Come here, my friend.” He flew down and landed on the back of the patio chair caddy-corner to me. We just looked at each other for a few moments as if we were two old friends who haven’t seen each other in years. I broke the silence by asking him if he knew who I was, he nodded and bowed his head in what I guess was a show of respect.

So I am able to speak English to animals and they understand me, and I understand them telepathically. I’m a real Dr. Doolittle! My new feathered friend cawed that he will let his murder know that I am here and to be of assistance to me and my family in any way they can. I smiled and nodded in appreciation.

Entry 10 Independent’s Day here in the good ol’ U.S.A. One tradition that I never quite understood was the annual hot dog eating contests where participants try to eat as many hot dogs as possible in a limited amount of time. The most famous of these contests are sponsored by Natan’s Hot Dogs on Coney Island in New York. Of course, small towns and cities all over this Nation have their own local competitions to see who in their community is the most gluttonous. Being the prankster that I am, I thought it would be fun to attend one of these displays of face-stuffing fun and hedge my bets, so to speak. Monrovia CA was having theirs in the park of the local library in the center of town. There were 8 contestants ranging in age from 18 to 70, both men and women. I chose the 70-year-old man who looked like a cross between Mr. Rogers and Ebenezer Scrooge. When the whistle blew the competing eaters started ferociously chomping on the pile of meat sticks in front of them. They had 10 minutes to eat as many of the 50 hot dogs in their buns placed in front of them with only water to wash them down. Of course, the younger participants started off strong, but then, thanks to me, my man started sucking down dogs like an alcoholic in a beer drinking contest. It almost looked like he wasn’t even chewing them, effortlessly letting those wieners slide down his throat. He finished his plate of 50 in approximately 6 minutes and then started reaching over to the plate of the girl next to him and started eating hers! The crowd was on their feet and going berserk! Part of the thrill for me was watching to look on the old guy's face as he was devouring the dogs in this meat-fest. Being the kind-hearted Satan that I am I made sure that the winner and all of the contestants had no ill effects from their gorging. HAIL THE HOT DOG!

I imbibed a little too much and tried to impress Beth by shooting bottle rockets out of my ass and spelling I LOVE YOU in the night sky. Good night.

Entry 11 It dawned on me that if word was to get out that I indeed was Satan and had these powers, I would be hunted by every religious whack-job on the planet. The fact that they had a physical target to blame all of the Worlds problems on, as well as their own personal shortcomings, would make me Terrorist #1. (I would make Hitler, Pol Pot, and Trump look like amateurs!) I’m sure I would hear everything from, “Children are starving because of you!” to “You’re the one who keeps taking my job!” even “The weather sucks today ‘cause of you!" If I was to get caught by these whack-jobs would they string me up and hang me, making me the ultimate martyr like Jesus, or would the military want to use me for their own evil doings? Now I know why I should keep my ministry on the down-low.

Entry 12 It’s hot as Hell today - pun intended. Temps here in Southern California hit 122 degrees in some areas, wtf? When did we move to Death Valley? I have a confession to make, I may be Satan Incarnate, but I HATE hot weather! Unlike old people from the East Coast, I will not be retiring in Florida. I’d be quite content living out my final days in Alaska (sans Sarah Palin and her dysfunctional clan), Canada, or the Highlands of Scotland. But since I was home here in Pasadena and off work today, I set the temperature in our hotbox of an apartment to a comfortable 68 degrees, turned off the ac to conserve electricity, and stayed in with my demon-dogs. They love when Beth and/or I am home with them, especially when I conjure up a big bowl of shaved ice for each of them.

Since we live across the street from the only Jewish Temple in Pasadena, I like to have fun with those obnoxious ‘chosen people’ who think that they are holier than thou. Tonight is the Sabbath. According to Jewish religious law, from sundown on Friday night to sundown on Saturday night Jews are supposed to usher in the Sabbath, or Shabbat as they call it, by going to temple, lighting candles and praying. Every Friday night it is impossible to find a parking place in front of our apartment because the temple goers have parked their Mercedes and BMW's in every available spot on the street. So to test their faith and teach them a lesson, I sent the most savory smell of bacon, ham, and shrimps-on-the-barbie to permeate throughout the temple. I’ll bet that the Denny’s on Colorado Blvd. will be filled with Jewish families ordering Moons Over My Hammy with a side of bacon and fried shrimp. You’re welcome.

Entry 13 - 9:45pm I decided to have some fun tonight. On the east coast, it’s 3 hours ahead of us here in California which makes it about 12:45 am. I used my Satan Sense to hone in on VP Mike Pence and Attorney General Jeff Sessions to make sure these two faithful children of God are fast asleep. I then telepathically visited each of them in their bedrooms, waking them as I appear as their God Almighty complete with white hair and beard, white gown, and puffy white clouds surrounding me. “I AM ASHAMED AND DISAPPOINTED IN YOU MY SON!” I said in a deep, booming voice. “USING ME AS AN EXCUSE FOR YOUR FINANCIAL AND POLITICAL GAIN, DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT I DIDN’T EXIST AND COULDN’T HEAR ALL THE VILE LIES YOU TELL IN MY NAME?!? THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR SINNERS LIKE YOU!” Both of their wives also woke up, saw, and heard me alongside their chicken-shit hubbies so there were witnesses. Jeff Sessions actually peed his pajamas, while Mike Pence started sobbing and apologizing like a little kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Will it change their stance on policies? Maybe not, but it sure was fun!

Entry 14 A First Aid/CPR class might not be the kind of environment to play around with my powers, but this particular class needed a little levity. First of all the instructor was an egotistical stick-in-the-mud who has been teaching these training classes for way too long, it felt like he was phoning it in. I could tell that most of the other attendees were getting bored and frustrated, so I decided to lighten things up a bit. The instructor, I'll call him Joe, was going over how to approach a person (the CPR dummy) who is unresponsive. His dry example of how to get a response from the nonresponsive person was the perfect opportunity. Just as he was about to lean down and give the two breaths, I had eyes, that wasn't previously there, open and look right at him. The look on his face and the girlish squeal that uncontrollably blurted out of his mouth was priceless! And just as quick as the eyes appeared, they vanished with no trace of what he just saw. The whole class gasped in unison and then broke out in laughter. Needless to say, we were all sent on a break after that.

* I put the 'lo' in El Diablo (as in down-low).

Entry 15 All fun aside, there is a very real and present danger to society looming over the United States - Christianity. With Trump and his right-wing cronies in the Federal government, their push to bypass the Constitution and drive to make Christianity the official religion in the U.S., the need for the varied people of this country to come together and fight this fascism is critical if we want to halt another Holocaust of that scale and larger. Those in power (governments, religions, banks, etc.) have been using the Divide and Conquer method to keep us separated and fighting amongst ourselves for Centuries. They use everything from a Bipartisan System, to sports, and even how products and services are marketed. Almost everything is modern society is designed to divide us up into more factions. Even amongst the same groups such as race, gender and politics there is fighting and turmoil. They want to undo decades of legislation to protect 1st Amendment rights, freedom of religion, gay rights, as well as the right to assemble. As Satan #31, I feel a strong sense of duty to support this fight and protect as many people as possible. (Crap, this feels like the most daunting tasks I’ve ever had to do!) Secularism is threatened every day. There is a movement in the right-wing community called Project Blitz. Their goals are to inundate government on all levels with Christian ideals, promote Christianity in public schools, and flood society with Christian symbolism.

I think I’ll start by more actively supporting the efforts of The Satanic Temple financially to assist with their growing legal costs. Next, I think promoting the After School Satan program and Women’s Reproductive Rights campaign will be important causes to help spread locally and nationally. Free and critical thinking should be offered to every child regardless of economic class, culture, or gender. Women’s Rights are a given, women should be recognized, heard, and fairly compensated for their active roles in society. The more transparent this work, the more people will clearly see that these Satanists are kind, loving, and compassionate individuals.

Now it will be much easier to send mass mailings, emails, and text messages to politicians. THE PEOPLE WILL BE HEARD!

Entry 16 Today I donated a substantial amount of money anonymously and specifically to the Security Department where I work. I stated that I wanted all Security Officers to receive a 25% raise, permanent structures in the entrance pavilion to keep the officers that work there comfortable and protected from the elements, and free ice cream for all Security staff anytime they want. The only clue as to whom this contribution came from was a note attached that said, “From a concerned Member.” That ought to keep ’em guessing for a while <wink>.

While I’m still working there I perform little miracles when needed, such as making people with faux ‘Service Dogs’ feel guilty when they approach me trying enter or causing the make-up of a model to run horribly down her face when she tries to come in to do an unauthorized photo shoot. One day I heard a call on the radio that there was a photo shoot going on in the Chinese Garden so I sent a small murder of crows to dive-bomb them and disrupt their plans (now THOSE would be some awesome pictures!).

Entry 17 I just had an AH HA! moment. It’s time get back on the stand-up comedy stage and influence audiences to the truth about God, Satan, and religion (Oh yeah, among other things I’m a stand-up comedian). I can write comedy bits about God and Satan interacting with characterizations of God being mean and short-tempered and Satan being as polite as an English gentleman. This is going to be fun!

Entry 18 The 'doing good work in the World' is the easy part. The hard part is using restraint when the urge to be painfully vindictive creeps in. Sometimes people piss me off so much that I just want them to feel the wrath that their behavior creates. Oh, how fun and easy it would be to make somebody pay for his or her arrogance, aggression, and stupidity for the rest of his or her lives. I've been finding that doing good work doesn't mean laying down and letting the negativity of the World walk all over you but sometimes using uncomfortable acts to get people's attention and wake them up. For example, I would love to set those people on fire who say to me, "Oh, it's not that hot today!" while I'm sitting outside in the 100-degree heat under an umbrella that makes it feel like I’m in an oven. But I hold back, and simply kill the air-conditioning in their office (only for a day).

Entry 19 Today I found out what scares the Jeebus out of Jehovah’s Witnesses, Me. 10:00 am there’s a knock on the front door. After carefully peeking out the front window, I open the door looking like Tim Curry as The Devil in the movie LEGEND. Red face and body (ripped I might add), goat hooves, and huge black demon horns. As I spoke in a deep rumble, “Good morning ladies, how can I help you?” smoke drifted out of my nose and mouth. They hesitantly offered me a copy of The Watchtower, which burst into flames and ashes the moment it touched my hand. That was all these Jehovah-Loving-Witnesses could take! As they turned to run away, they tripped and started crawling over one another to get away. I guess their faith wasn’t very strong. At least they didn’t piss themselves as A.G. Jeff Sessions did.

Entry 20 I remember once when I was in my twenties, I was assisting in a personal growth seminar - Insight Transformational Seminars. I witnessed a woman go through what they called Crabbing. Crabbing is when a person is going through a great deal of emotional release and their hands contort and stiffen-up like a crabs claws.

I can only equate when parishioners of televangelists go into those spastic fits claiming that the Holy Spirit is working through them, to Crabbing. It’s all in their minds and emotions, there is nothing spiritual about it. When believers claim to be possessed by demons and one of these flamboyantly Christian preachers ‘exercise’ the evil out of them, well that’s just bad acting.

My dear reader, you have probably guessed that I would treat them to a real possession at this point. Yes, but not the way you might think. I was watching the popular faith healer and televangelist Benny Hinn on television and he was going through his usual paces of knocking down the congregation with the wave of his jacket, er, I mean the Holy Spirit, when this one man claimed to be inhabited by an evil spirit that made him growl and bark like a dog as he rabidly showed his fangs (teeth). Just as Benny Hinn was beginning to ‘exercise’ this poor lost soul, I possessed Mr. Hinn. “THIS IS ALL FAKE YOU IDIOTS!” I exclaimed. “THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE DEVIL. I JUST WANT YOUR MONEY, AND STOP BARKING AT ME!” The ‘possessed’ man in front of me/Hinn and everyone in the television studio/church froze in silence. When I exited Mr. Hinn’s body I felt slimy like a snail. Of course, when Hinn regained consciousness he didn’t remember what just happened. The uncomfortable silence seemed to last an eternity until one of Hinn’s assistants whispered in his ear what just took place. Immediately the faux healer spoke up and assured the audience that there truly is a Devil and that it is more important than ever to $upport the Church. Sometimes you just can’t fix stupid. As for me, I need a shower!

Entry 21 I am offended that some people are comparing Donald J. Trump, the 45th President of the United States, the WORST President of the United States EVER, to the Antichrist. That idea lowers the bar way too much and gives this pee-brain moron extremely too much credit. The Angel that man has created to fall from the grace of their God in Heaven, the true Ruler of this physical realm (Satan), is in no way related to this pompous asshat! Cheeto-head also gives puppets all over the World a bad name. If Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd, Lambchop, and Madame were here today, they’d be on the front lines protesting this ignorant poser. As Satan #31 in these troubled times, I’ve got my work cut out for me. With the internet, social media, and international spy’s mucking up information to the public, getting people to think for themselves and take better care of each other is going to be a quite a challenge, to say the least.

Entry 22 Just got my 6 6 6 morale patches in the mail! I’m a Beast, Baby!

Entry 23 So rock music is The Devil’s music, well DUH! Who has had the tastiest licks, best beats, and most heartfelt lyrics? A: The Devil’s music. Music began as a rhythmic form of communication. Drumming, dancing, and chanting were all primal ways of expressing emotions and stories; both joyous and tragic. This level of vibration came from the Earth, from humans, from Satan. God and his heavenly hymns are lofty and boring. I love all the controversy about rock musicians worshipping Satan, selling their souls, and making teenagers take drugs and kill people. I’m actually kind of flattered to be worshipped for my music, but the selling of souls is waaaaay out of left field. Maybe some poser of a record exec. was playing God by requiring bands to sell themselves out to his label, but I have yet to come across any ancient or recent purchased souls in my Satanic studies. Teenagers taking drugs and killing because of some richly theatrical rock band and their deeply poetic lyrics? Maybe a closer investigation into the kids home life and relationship with his/her parents and their beliefs would give more clues as to the behavior of their gothic little angel.

You see, none of it is real, NONE OF IT. It’s all illusion, a stage show, a prop. The ‘good’ - church/temple/mosque, morals, the saviors, the good-guy-in-white, and the ‘evil’ - Satanism, paganism, horror movies, rock concerts - all fake. Humans over the centuries have given these things power by labeling them as good or evil, usually to use extortion to control the masses. Often times if you look closer, you’ll see that it is evil and corruption in the good, and goodness and kindness in the evil (ie. Satan here to do good in the World). I know that this pisses off the religious-right to no end because they think that EVERYTHING has come from God. God doesn’t exist, man has created the doctrines that generation after generation has blindly followed. You’re welcome.

Entry 24 Looking at the triplex we live in, I decided we needed some upgrades. First I talked to Beth and our neighbors about me doing some upgrades to the property such as the landscaping and painting the place as well as little repairs here and there. They were all okay with it. The only one who knows how I’m really going to do it is Beth, the rest I’ll have to make it look like I’m doing the work (it’ll just get done a bit faster than usual). Second, I contacted the owner, Barbara. Barbara is an elderly wealthy widow who lives in Santa Barbara (how ironic). This property is basically a tax right off. She hates to put money into this property and only comes to see the place every few years to do a quick inspection and then raises our rent. I informed her that I will be happy to take excellent care of the building and grounds if she would cut all the units rent in half. She was aghast at first and wrote me off as a big joke. I told her to come to see her property in one month, and if she’s not impressed the deal is off. But, is she likes the improvements I’ve made we have a deal. She agreed, probably thinking that she just got some free work done on the apartment complex she owns.

The first thing I did was replace all the pipes with brand new, larger copper ones. Now none of us will have clogged and backed up sinks and toilets again, and we’ll have great water pressure. Next, I fixed all of the electrical panels with more wattage and fixed all of the outside safety and patio lights, and then added some solar panels on the roof to lighten our energy costs. For the outside, I had all the bushes and plants trimmed and healthy in our new drought-tolerant landscaping. The final touch was painting the building. I chose an earthy brown with a sage green trim, very California (faux) Craftsman. Just to make it look like I was working I’d put a few ladders, drop-cloths, and paint cans lying around and did the whole thing in about a week (so it didn’t look too magical).

The day of Barbara’s inspection. The look of shock and then odd approval was priceless. I simply explained to her that I had the time and experience to do this kind of work and since all of her tenants have been long-term renters, including us, and weren’t planning on moving any time soon, I wanted to make our apartments the most comfortable and pleasant as they can be. I had a document drawn up putting this agreement in writing which she signed without hesitation. Home is where the heart is.

Entry 25 Sometimes I like to badger Christians on Facebook that post things about thanking God for their good fortune or sending thoughts and prayers. I will pose the question, what if God had nothing to do with it and those things happened simply because they happened? Their righteous comments usually are full of, “God gave us free will” “It’s part of God’s plan” or “God has promised us our place with him in Heaven for believing and loving him.” The more I bring logic into the conversation, the more they sound like a broken record (for those of you who don’t remember vinyl records, when they got damaged or scratched the needle would get stuck on that part of the song and keep repeating), but God, but God, but God, but God, but God, but God… I figure if I keep mentioning logical things, maybe some of it will seep past their brainwashing into their subconscious and plant a seed of free thinking in that skull of theirs.

Time to get off the computer, go outside, and help a little old lady across the street.

Entry 26 Bad parenting lesson of the day - keep an eye on your children at all times. After witnessing countless parents stroll along casually as their little angels run far ahead of Mommy and Daddy, I thought a lesson in parenting was in order. Just to be clear - no parents were harmed during this eye-opening experience.

<In my best Rod Serling voice>Two young boys, about 5 year's old racing each other a good 40 feet ahead of their parents on a crowded walkway. As they approach me, I wave to them with a hello gesture and *POOF*, they're gone! Not really gone, just invisible. Physically they are there, you just can't see them. I can tell that the boys themselves were having fun with not being seen, playing tag and sneaking around people. Just to add to the mystique of their disappearance I made them silent. Not only could you not hear their voices, but you couldn't hear their movements either. Of course, I was able to see and hear them.

By the time the parents of these two little ghosts reached me, I can tell that they still have no clue where their boys are, moms eyes were glued to her cell phone playing Pokemon Go and dad was taking pictures. I motioned for the boys to come over to me. I instructed them to follow their parents for as long as they can until they stop and wonder where you are. At that point, I suggested that they give them a little scare, nothing too crazy, we don’t want to give them a heart attack.  Their screams will be my cue to make them visible again. I hope those parents learned their lesson!

Entry 27 Oh, thank Heaven, for entry twenty-seven. I’ve always wanted to have one of those Candid Camera types of shows where you do something or set up a scene to watch peoples reactions. Now I can do it anytime I like. I love being out in public, such as at a farmers market, a bar, or a restaurant. As I walk past people, I would say, “Hello, I am Satan” in their native tongue. It’s always more fun when my target is wearing a cross or some kind of religious pendant. I love doing this to cultures that are very religious - Spanish, Italian, and French are fun, but the best is saying it in Latin. I walked past a superfluity of nuns on the street the other day, I made eye contact with one of the nuns, grinned as wide as I can, and said, “Salve, Satanas sum,” then I winked and blew her a kiss. The look of horror on the other nuns was priceless, the beautifully embarrassed blush of the one I had my sights on floored me! HAIL SATAN!

Do you want to have some fun? Here are a few that you could try out yourself!

Hola, soy Satanás (Spanish)

Bonjour, Je Suis Satan (French)

Hallo, ich bin Satan (German)

Ciao, sono Satana (Italian)

Salve, Satanas sum (Latin)

Usually, once the person looks at me inquisitively and possibly asks me what I just said, I just look dumbfounded and say, “I didn’t say anything” in perfect English.

Entry 28 I've noticed a lot of pop-up churches around town lately. Signs for church gatherings and services at other established churches. For example, I saw signs for a Presbyterian Church service in front of a Korean Church. They must be renting the church for their own congregation. My question is this, how many god-damn churches do believers need? And there are new ones popping up all the time - The Calling Church, Cenacle of Faith, TLC Church, but my favorite church is the Jews for Jesus. To the J of J, I say, "Make up your fucking mind!" Is the United States government just handing out tax-exempt status like candy on Halloween to anyone who claims to be a Church?

For shits and giggles, I had bumper stickers made that say, "SATAN LOVES YOU MORE" and I take selfies with it in front of any house of worship that I come across. This was inspired by countering the JESUS LOVES YOU signs that religious fanatics carry around in public. I now have a HUGE gallery of these pics. Maybe I should make a coffee table book of them and sell them, then donate the money to organizations like the Planetary Society and the Freedom From Religion Foundation.

Entry 29 I’m a huge star on YouTube, and nobody knows it. All of those videos of cars speeding down a street and suddenly get into an accident with what appears to be nothing - that was me. Putting invisible barriers in front of speeding cars is easy. Any video with an animal painting or drawing, me. All the paranormal shows and ghost hunters that experience garbled voices, cold spots, and an electromagnetic entity, yours truly. I love video editing, the way I do it.

Entry 30 My favorite saying these days, “It’s hot as Hades!”

Entry 31 Just for fun, I posted a photoshopped picture of a King James Holy Bible in a barbecue on fire. My Atheist friends thought it was funny, but I had some folks take quite an offense to it. I get it, burning a bible is akin to burning the America flag, two extremely revered objects that people kill in the name of. Would those offended feel better if I burned a copy LeVey's THE SATANIC BIBLE? I did it to make a point - they are just objects, physical things and nothing more. The value of these items is given to them by humans. I could take a 2 X 4 of wood and say that it is the most precious hunk of a tree on the planet and if I get enough people to believe me, then I have a sacred item - The Holy Post of Satan! If you burn my Holy Post, well, then you'll have kindling. If Jesus' bloody body hanging nailed to a wooden cross could be considered sacred, then so can my 2 X 4.

Entry 32 I wonder how many other Satans there have been, and what did they do? I feel like a new regeneration of Dr. Who but as Satan. This would be a fun trivia game that I could play by myself - look at world events over the Centuries and see if I can spot the ones that were facilitated by Satan. The Roman Empire? World War 1 or 2? Did Satan #30 leave me to deal with Donald Trump?!? (Satan never gives you anything you can’t handle)

Entry 33 San Diego Comic-Con International is the largest multi-genre entertainment and comic convention in the World, and a [relatively] safe environment for someone with actual superhero/super-villain powers to strut his stuff. Since getting in shape via the Satanic method meant that I could wear any lycra costume and look awesome. I chose instead, to go with the open shirt look of, wait for it…HELLBOY! Too obvious? Actually, it’s the perfect cover. When I make lasers actually shoot from a Stormtroopers gun, or make a kid dressed as Superman fly, they’ll never suspect HELLBOY.

I did it up right, morphed myself to look just like the Ron Perlman make-up from the movie, complete with oversized stone right hand and cigar (I love smoking cigars). I even smelled like roasted peanuts (hardcore fans will understand this). Personally, I chose this character because it just felt right.

Of course, Beth joined me, her hero of choice - Carol The Bowler from MYSTERY MEN. She looked great! She wore Dr. Marten’s, black jeans, the exact same jacket with the same patches on it, nail polish, dark eyeliner, dyed green hair, and without missing a detail - the enchanted skull bowling ball. Yes, I hexed her bowling ball prop so that she had power over it.

This was our first time attending ComicCon. It’s true, this convention has gotten huge and is mostly the entertainment industry buying and selling their next (they hope) billion dollar franchise. Regardless, the costumes of the Con-goers and hardcore fans are amazing! From toddlers dressed as the ‘mini-me’ of their parents' characters to the elderly wearing skimpy costumes that they probably shouldn’t be wearing, everybody looks fantastic and has fun posing with each other for friends and the media. One of my favorite groups that were there were the folks from Magic Wheelchair. They custom design motorized wheelchairs for kids with mobility issues. They do everything from an X-Wing Fighter from Star Wars to a Unicorn Princess, to a dragon or even a pirate ship, and they are all built by volunteers. The look on the kids' faces in their matching costumes was priceless (I’m such a big softy of a nerd).

Beth had everyone amazed at how she was able to make her bowling ball fly and control it. She was having fun flying the ball directly behind someone’s head and making it hover there like a balloon. When the unsuspecting character turned around, usually after someone near them told them to look behind them, they’d find themselves face-to-face with Carmine The Bowlers grinning skull. There were more than a few macho superheroes squeal like a little girl when confronted by his boney grin.

I kind of stood out also because I made myself 6’ 6.6” tall (Corny, huh?). I had the accent and dialect down pat. Some people started to think that I was Ron Perlman making a surprise appearance, even some of the event coordinators were on their cell phones trying to figure out who I was. One of my favorite things I did was to make people act in different ways as if they were hypnotized. I might have a guy dressed as Aquaman hiss and meows like a cat, or a Catwoman bark like a dog. I freaked out a kid dressed as Shazam!, when he started acting like the character trying to figure out how to fly, I made him levitate and then fly over the heads of spectators before gracefully landing in the same spot. (Speaking of Aquaman, I think I’ve got a man-crush on Jason Momoa) When I came upon the three guys wearing the Kim Jong-un, Donald Trump, and Vladimir Putin masks I couldn’t resist. I walked up behind them as they were dancing in front of a crowd and loudly exclaimed, “Well well well, what have we got here? The 3 Stooges!” I scared the holy dictator-shit out of them! “Kimmie, go suck a nuke. Don, ‘YOUR FIRED!’ And Pooty-Poot, stay out of our business!” The crowd went fucking wild! I love comic book geeks.

Entry 34 As often as I can, I like to go into a mixed neighborhood and wander the streets. Whenever I come across people, I like to just say hi, maybe ask them a question, and then shake their hand or pat them on the shoulder. Then when I do that to another person, I give them the power to experience some of what that last person I touched thinks and feels. You might say I’m sowing the seeds of empathy and understanding. No expectations, just spreading awareness in a friendly, social way. Imagine what could happen if in some of the poorer neighborhoods around Los Angeles the Latins, Blacks, Asians, Armenians, etc. start getting along and agreeing on things - shit’s gonna change real fast!

Whenever I travel anywhere I do this. I hope this awakening goes viral!

"He say I know you, you know me One thing I can tell you is You got to be free Come together, right now Over me” ~The Beatles

Entry 35 Welcome to Hell. I have found it, and we are all living in it. Yes, it is right here, our lives on planet Earth. Religion has convinced people for centuries that there is a firey place of hellfire and damnation that you will be sent to after you die if you have sinned while you were alive. Of course in some religions such as Christianity, there's always that loophole, or as I call it your 'get out of Hell free card.' Confess your 'sins' to a priest or donate a buttload of money to the Church and *POOF* magically you are saved! It's the oldest plot line in history - good vs. evil. There is always a hero and a villain, with their minions of angels and demons to do their bidding. This story of good/bad has been used primarily to control the masses. If you behave yourself, follow the scriptures of the religion you were brought up to believe, and don't question those in power, you'll go to Heaven. But if you think for yourself, question authority and choose to sin without asking for forgiveness from their savior, you're on your way to an afterlife of eternal pain, torture, and the repetition of your sinful ways (actually that last one doesn't seem too bad).

This existence we call life is either going to be our own personal Heaven or Hell. If you feel good about how your life is going, you could say life is like Heaven and you feel blessed. If you experience stress, depression, or anxiety due to the present state of the World at large, you are in your own personal Hell on Earth. What we, even Satan myself, choose to focus on will be how we judge whether we are living in Heaven or Hell. Don't get me wrong, I love the theatrics of Death Metal and Satanic Masses, but that's all they are - theater, entertainment, with lots of smoke and mirrors. The evangelicals love the drama as well, miracles and faith healing are two of their favorite things they use to exploit believers. Most religions use the image of Dante's Divine Comedy to scare followers into believing their rhetoric, which I find very comedic. I do love how organized Hell is. There are 9 levels called Circles of Hell. Depending on what your sin was, you are sent to the appropriate Circle. Lesser violations are sent to the upper Circles, while the hardcore sinners are sent all the way down towards #9. And then there is also Purgatory, which is a kind of 51/50 (72-hour hold) of purification before being allowed to enter Heaven. It seems like a lot of politics to me.

Entry 36 Part of the work that I do as Shaitan (word for Satan from the Quran) is challenging the stereotype of being the ultimate scapegoat for everything judged as bad. This act of not taking responsibility for one's own actions has been around as long as the good vs. evil plot line. It’s easy for people to pass-the-buck onto The Devil when things don’t go right or tragedy strikes. Geraldine Jones what famous for saying, “The Devil made me do it!” If this was true, I would have quite an impressive resume to brag about.

I love changing signs and billboards that blame The Dark One into blaming God’s Wrath. I saw a sign that read

GO TO CHURCH Or the DEVIL Will Get You!

So I fixed it. Now it reads

GO TO CHURCH Or God’s Wrath Will Get You!

Here’s a billboard that I saw

SHARIA LAW THREATENS AMERICA by UnitedAmericaCommittee.org

So I changed it to

GOD’S WRATHTHREATENS AMERICA by God.com

Do they want to play the fear game? I can play the fear game!

It has always seemed to me that when God doesn’t get his way or his followers don’t abide by his rules he punishes them, ie. the story of Noah’s Ark and the big flood. Satan doesn’t demand humanity to be loyal to him, he wants people to learn, think for themselves, and enjoy life. The people who invented God use fear and power to control their flocks, while Satan sings, "Come on people now, Smile on your brother, Everybody get together, Try to love one another, Right now” by The Youngbloods. Yes, it’s true, Satan is just a big ol’ music lovin’ mush bug.

Entry 37 My favorite actor to play The Devil on television is Ray Wise from the show REAPER. His mature, suave, and sexy look and demeanor was what I would want to be like if I was The Devil. Well, here I am, not exactly the Satan I thought I’d be. But it’s okay, I’m happy with how I look and my unique style. Again, like Dr. Who, each Doctor had his own unique style. I guess that goes for Satan as well. For a favorite movie actor as Satan, I would have to say Al Pacino in DEVIL’S ADVOCATE.

John Milton: Who are you carrying all those bricks for anyway?

God? Is that it? God?

 Well, I tell ya, let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch.  He’s a prankster.  Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift and then what does He do? I swear, for his own amusement, his own private cosmic gag reel, he sets the rules in opposition.

It’s the goof of all time. Look, but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, don’t swallow.*laughter*

And while you’re jumping from one foot to the next, what is He doing? He’s laughing his sick, fucking ass off. He’s a tight-ass. He’s a sadist. He’s an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never! Kevin Lomax: Better reign in hell than to serve in heaven, is that it? John Milton: Why not? I’m here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began! I’ve nurtured every sensation man has been inspired to have! I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him, in spite of all his imperfections! I’m a fan of man! I’m a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. Who, in their right mind, Kevin, could possibly deny the 20th century was entirely mine? All of it, Kevin! All of it!Mine! I’m peaking, Kevin. It’s my time now. It’s our time.

Entry 38 I’m finding that even in Satanism there is angst and fighting between sects. It’s sad when even groups that truly want to do good in the world are corrupted by greed and power. Too many rules and doctrines end up working against the organization that is implementing them (see The Catholic Church). Here is another example of how the trickle-down effect doesn’t work. The people who occupy the upper-echelon want to stay at the top. Giving it away may sound Saintly, but I guarantee they would rather continue their comfortable, lush lifestyle than live like the majority of society. To soothe their guilty conscious, they donate scraps of money to charities that they deduct on their taxes.

If I become aware of this kind of selfish behavior, I like to make their generous ‘contribution’ check bounce, or their wire transfer fail. Not that I want to keep support from these charities, I would just rather them come from a more honest source, such as me.

Entry 39 Amorphophallus Titanum, aka The Corpse Flower. n. Latin: amorphos (without form, misshapen), phallos (penis), and titanum (giant). The flower gets its nickname from the pungent odor similar to rotting meat or a decaying corpse.

Lil’ Stinky as we call it at the Garden is quite popular when it blooms, which seems to happen anytime within an approximate 4 to 20 year period depending on the environment and conditions. The gardens become a media circus, and people waiting with bated breath to see and smell this natural wonder.

Just last week ol’ Stinky started to open, so the folks in the Botanical Department put it out on display and alerted the media. The biggest question of the week has been, “Has it bloomed yet?” When it does, hordes stand in line for hours to get a picture and a nauseating whiff of this infamous smelly penis flower.

I decided to take this display of [morbid] botanical beauty to the next level. I waited until Saturday to begin the facilitating process, since there will be more visitors, and there also happens to be a Members Summer Concert that night as well. Not only did Lil’ Stinky open, but grew to a size of over 20 feet in a matter of hours. Along with the size increasing exponentially, the odor intensified tenfold! Breathing inside the conservatory where it is housed and displayed, was almost impossible. About 1 in every 3 people lost-their-lunch, which just added to the death-like stench. They actually had to close down the viewing in order to clean up the mess and get some fresh air in there.

And, it was I that called the good folks at The Guinness Book of World Records. You’re welcome.

Entry 40 Often throughout my life, I’ve felt that one of my roles as this character I call me has been to act as a catalyst for change. Not necessarily earth-shaking events, but a change in policy, thoughts, or relationships. Many times when I’ve been involved in an organization, whether as an employee or a volunteer, major shifts take place during my stint with them. Sometimes it has manifested as a physical move to a different location or a change in policies. Roles and relationships change. I’m not saying that (up until now) I have consciously been making these shifts happen, but in hindsight, there has definitely been a pattern.

With the influence I have as Satan, this trend will continue, but more intentionally. Lately, I’ve been going to jails and prisons as a volunteer to simply talk to inmates and give them a chance to interact with someone other than fellow inmates and guards. Many of them don’t have friends, family, or a spouse to visit them. By being a neutral sounding board for them who doesn’t judge them is a great gesture in and of itself. I assist them a bit further by clearing their consciousness a bit more about life and the choices that they have made and why they are there. Sometimes this extra assistance bleeds over to some of the others incarcerated as well as some of the guards (oops, my bad).

Personally, I would love to see all of these for-profit prisons to go out of business. The less innocent people and low-offense (such as marijuana and drug abuse) folks are locked up, the more people in society to make positive changes in the world. Crooked politicians who are invested in these human money machines will be financially pinched hard by the loss of their inhumane investment.

Entry 41 God of the Bible (Old and New Testament) judges and punishes man, Satan accepts and supports Man in his efforts to enjoy and thrive in life. Just the simple fact that God is nothing more than a concept of man’s construct mostly used to control the masses, and Satan has been a tangible force doing good in the world says a lot. We are actually living in, as best as I can describe it, a reality that is more like the Upside Down from the series Stranger Things than we think. Here, people believe that God is good, Devil is bad. Yet there has always been more harm done in the name of God than anything that the Satanic Panic has ever yielded. Crucifixion, the Crusades, and the Republican Party are good examples of this. Whereas Witches, Pagans, and Satanists have been blamed for everything from bad crops to Smallpox, to the weather. Pills are good for you, but a plant is a drug. Priests are not Pedophiles, but Heavy Metal music makes kids kill. Trump is smart, while the press is fake news. Actors make good politicians, while kids who survive school shootings are called Crisis Actors. White is the new Black, and Brown is the new bad guy.

Don’t blindly believe everything that you’ve been taught your whole life. Do some research. Allow yourself the opportunity to see things through someone else’s eyes. Ask yourself, “What if what I know about something is the complete opposite?” What if Hell was a spa, and Heaven was a desolate, frozen and dead landscape? Be careful of labels.

Entry 42 Lettuce Prey. A favorite meme of many a Satanist on social media. There is a growing movement of Atheists and other secular groups that are attacking the concept of prayer to fix things such as natural disasters and ill-health. I just watched a satirical video about praying the gay away.

pray: verb - address a solemn request or expression of thanks to a deity or other object of worship.

Expecting an invisible being to adhere to your requests because you believe in them is as naive and childish as thinking that the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny are real. I’ve heard God described as not being ‘the Great Bellhop in the sky.’ Humankind has always seemed to place its faith in events and changes outside of itself.

So my question is this, what about the myths of people selling their souls to the Devil in exchange for talent, wealth, and power? Blues guitarist Robert Johnson supposedly met the Devil at the crossroads and sold his soul in exchange for being a virtuoso on the guitar, and thus made him a blues legend. I’m beginning to think that it really was The Devil that granted Mr. Johnson his extraordinary talents, as far as the soul-selling thing, I don’t know. If it’s true that humans souls are only their emotional reaction to things such as music, and that there is no otherworldly destination called Hell, maybe the Satan at that time was playing along with the whole Heaven and Hell story to bestow those talents to Robert Johnson simply because Satan loves the Blues.

I personally think the theatrics of pleading your case to The Devil and signing a contract with too much fine print, in blood, is very entertaining. Does it mean anything? Hell no! Plus, it would put you, as Satan, directly in the spotlight and might undermine your work to do good in the world.

Entry 43 I heard from Satan #30 last night in my dreams. He came through in the middle of a pee-dream (a dream that has some urgency to it in hopes of waking you up to go to the bathroom) where I was frantically trying to get somewhere on my URB-E but could never quite make it. There he was, at every stop that I thought had a bathroom. He was just checking on me to see if I had any questions or needed any assistance. I actually said, “Where the fuck is a bathroom around here?!?” He replied, “Down the hall on the right.” After acknowledging his answer with gratitude, the only thing I wanted to know was, am I doing it right? Was I doing enough with these Satanic powers? Should I kick it up a notch? Do I look good in red? He reassured me that I was doing great and reminded me to continue to have fun with this ‘work,’ actions speak louder than words, and [almost] always use caution. He then vanished, leaving me with a full bladder and a comforted mind.

Fully awake, standing over the toilet relieving myself and smiling. Today is going to be a delicious day!

Entry 44 "Now his holiest books have been trampled upon No contract that he signed was worth that what it was written on He took the crumbs of the world and he turned it into wealth Took sickness and disease and he turned it into health He's the neighborhood bully.

What's anybody indebted to him for? Nothing, they say. He just likes to cause war Pride and prejudice and superstition indeed  They wait for this bully like a dog waits for feed He's the neighborhood bully.

What has he done to wear so many scars? Does he change the course of rivers? Does he pollute the moon and stars? Neighborhood bully, standing on the hill  Running out the clock, time standing still Neighborhood bully."

I love the lyrics to many of Bob Dylan's songs, especially Neighborhood Bully on his INFIDELS album. These are the last three verses of the song. I can't help but wonder whom Dylan was thinking of as the neighborhood bully in this song, Satan? Is Satan really such a bad guy, or has he just been labeled as the Neighborhood Bully of the World?

~

Yesterday Beth expressed to me that I don't look like The Dark Lord and I agreed, I look more like Gimli from the Lord of the Rings with a farmers tan, the only things dark on me are my arms and face.

Entry 45 This entry I dedicate to the 45th President of the United States, no really, this is the best dedication. I know dedications, I've dedicated billions and billions of dedications for many many years. I got good dedications. I am the best dedicator ever.

Just kidding! That bloated-orange headed-fast food chomping-megalomaniac who is being referred to as the evilest man on the planet is giving Satan a bad name! Maybe another nickname such as Purgatory Pete, or Donald the Damned, or simply Scum of the Earth might fit him better.

I did give him food poisoning from one of his two Big Macs, and both of his Filet-o-Fish sandwiches (this is only one meal), 3 out of 4, I was feeling generous.

Entry 46 Thanks to centuries of religious doctrines, the vast majority of people on this planet are lemmings, blindly believing anything that their holy men, politicians, and advertisers tell them. They have been trained to obey, spend more money than they have (aka credit and loans), and feel overly righteous about their culture. How does one motivate folks to think for themselves and put their differences aside?

I could help promote Dan Barker’s book - GOD The Most Unpleasant Character In All Fiction. Mr. Barker basically uncovers and highlights the vast number of times GOD is jealous, petty, unjust; an unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously, and a malevolent bully in the Old Testament. This ought to open their eyes and get someone’s panties in a bunch.

After finding out in the news that Howard Lorber, the Executive Chairman of Nathan’t Famous Inc. (the makers of Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs) was hosting a fundraiser in the Hamptons for President Trump, I thought that tainting the production of some all-America hot dogs would be a good place to start to add fuel to this fire. Choke on it, Mr. Lorber! (Hmmm, I seem to be feeling rather wrathful lately)

Entry 47 And on His 6th and 7th days, Satan rested, because those were His days off from his day job. Not that I didn’t do any good deeds, I just chill-out the most on those days; smoke pot, do a bit of cleaning around the house, fix potholes in the street we live on, smoke some more pot, nap with the dogs, cook dinner, and wipe the sweat off of my brow.

Just thought of an awesome slogan to fit-in with today's generation - SATAN IS MY SUPERHERO. Maybe we’ll start with bumper stickers, then t-shirts, hats, and capes!

Entry 48 This is going to sound odd, but as of late I have decided to not continue as a member of The Satanic Temple. Wait, Satan doesn’t want to be a member of The SATANIC Temple??? Yes, it’s true. I found out that there was a power struggle going on between the higher-up and the local chapters, so following many other Satanists, I quit. Like the rest of TST expats, I still believe in their mission and the 7 tenets, but being a part of this organization is not working for me if you get my drift (Now THERE’S a statement that shows my age!).

I’ve learned about myself that I don’t seem to last very long in an organization.  I’m kind of a lone wolf in a way. I also tend to become a catalyst for change wherever I am. Just recently I have accepted this fact as well as fully embrace it.

Entry 49 If I ever start my own metal band, I’ve got the perfect name: SEB - Satan’s Eternal Benevolence (How’s that for getting personal?!?). I’ll be the lead singer, maybe I can get Robert Trujillo (Metallica) to play bass, Kerry King (Slayer) and John 5 (Rob Zombie) on guitars, and my cousin Rod Morgenstein (Dixie Dregs, Winger) and Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Foo Fighters) on drums. Oh sweet the sound. Our first single - Satan Loves You More is a counter-attack to the signs, Jesus loves you, that believers like to carry around.

Entry 50 Captains Log - August 20, 2018: I’ve seen more SATAN LOVES YOU MORE stickers all around town from Pasadena to Downtown Los Angeles, the San Fernando Valley, and all the way down to Redondo Beach. Your boy gets around! Almost like a subliminal message planting a seed in their subconscious, I’m letting them know that I am there for them.

Mikey ‘The Good Christian’ Pence has been spouting off lately again. He’s still pushing for creationism to be taught in public schools, wants the government to pay for gay conversion therapy, and hinted that condoms are ‘too modern’ and ‘too liberal.’ I guess my last visit as his Almighty God didn’t get through to him, time for a more direct approach. From now on, every time Mikey mentions God, the Bible, or utters the word Christian his ass from his tight little butthole, to his cheeks, and around to his tiny little pee pee will burn like the fires of Hell that he is so damn afraid of. I guess you could say he’ll be a real Royal Flush. He’ll look like the poster boy for Red Devil Fireworks. Matadores will yell OLE! and bulls will want to gouge him with their horns. Latin Americans will call him El Diablo (Wait, I take offense to that!). This ought to be fun to watch - the VP is going to go viral!

Entry 51 On my playlist these days:

PIG - The Gospel, Risen

FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH - And Justice For None, Got Your Six, War Is The Answer, The Wrong Side Of Heaven And The Righteous Side Of Hell

PINK FLOYD - The Final Cut

Entry 52 ’Hackers’ <wink, wink> deleted the credit card debt of hundreds of thousands of credit card users, mostly VISA, MASTERCARD, and DISCOVER. A good majority of AMERICAN EXPRESS cardholders can afford their debt so they can keep it.

A homeboy was pulled over on the side of the street having car problems with his lowered, gold Chevy Impala, so as I rode by on my URB-E I nodded to him and fixed his ride instantaneously. Without even questioning what just happened, he simply gave me a nod of approval and thanks. Maybe it was my motorcycle helmet with the three devil horns mounted on it, but there was a sense of respect at that moment.

Entry 53 I had another visit from Satan #30 last night, he was just checking in on me (WOW, the Satanic support staff is AWESOME!). I shared with him that I’m getting the hang of doing the Devil’s work and I wish I could do more. He reassured me that patience is one of Satan’s best friends, but to be very aware of Vampires. I asked him if Vampires actually existed, and he was extremely assuring that they did. He said that they have been on this planet as long as man has, and as man evolved so did they. Over time they have learned techniques to blend in with mankind and improve their tactics on how to not only survive but thrive. They’ve learned how to suck the life out of someone, yet keep them alive and craving more from their vampire. This species of vampires is one of the worst. The Latin name for these vile creatures is Vampires de Emotus, or more commonly know as Emotional Vampires.

Emotional Vampires, along with their close cousins the Mental Vampires, will suck the will to live right out of you. At first, they seem like a friend or relative that is going through some frustrating issues, but the moment you step in to help, they trap you and slowly begin torturing you with their long and drawn out monologues of woe-is-me. You want to escape their grasp, but guilt overcomes you and feeds off of your decency as a human being. *Note to self: unfriend 80% of my friends list on Facebook.

Entry 54 There is a small group of homeless folks that make camp by the Gold Line Metro Station on Allen Ave. I ride past them daily on my way to work. They recognize me and wave in appreciation of my acknowledging them. They are never hostile or beg for money from me, it’s like we are neighbors seeing each other around the same time each day. The most social of the group is a guy that goes by the nickname Chuckhead (I didn’t ask.) He’s a tall - 6’5”, broad-shouldered and bald rock of a man, and also one of the kindest and most genuine I’ve ever met. Chuckhead told me that he was a steelworker from Pennsylvania, but when worked dried up because of Trump messing around with tariffs, he moved out west. With no money and no permanent address, it’s been hard to get a job and find a place to live. He hooked up with this bunch as a way to always have somebody to watch your back and what little stuff you might have.

I set up accounts with Dominos Pizza, Vons, and Jameson Brown Coffee Roaster and have them deliver to Chuckhead on a regular basis. I explained to Chuckhead that I’m doing this to assist them in taking care of themselves while living on the streets. I simply asked that they use their strength find something to do for money, that is legal, and that they feel good about themselves for doing something for themselves.

Funny thing, people in trucks and vans started coming around looking for laborers to do yard work or help someone move, hmm.

Entry 55 There is a kind of Universal Knowledge that Satan has the ability to access. It's like tapping into a vast database of history and current knowledge, sort of like how the human subconscious records everything that a person thinks, feels, and experiences, but on an infinite scale. I started to notice that when I wondered about something I would get an answer. After a little bit of investigation, I found out that this is true and started testing it. Often. This is like having the fastest internet connection you could imagine but in your head.

Entry 56 The other day I watched a DIY video demonstrating how to make a magic [looking] wand from a chopstick using a glue gun and some paint. I thought, how fun would it be to have a cheesy little wand that I can do actual magic with. No one will ever suspect that a homemade magic wand made out of the finest disposable pine chopsticks would actually be able to perform real magic. I can make up wizarding sounding words such as, "Shutus Trapus" (to silence a person), "Vanisimo" (to make someone or something vanish), and "Gigglitis" (uncontrollable laughter) to command my powers.

I bet I could make some serious change busking as a street corner magician. I'll wear a top hat and cape to give me that old-time magician look. "Hocus pocus, alacazam - turn this girl into a man!" And poof, this cute little 9-year-old eating frozen yogurt, with a flash of light and a billow of smoke, instantly becomes a full-grown bearded man wearing tight jean shorts and a t-shirt that says, 'BEAR' on it. The best part was when she hugged her dad out of fear of the light and smoke part of the show, and they both realized that she was now a big ol' he. Of course, I turned her back to her original self when I distracted the crowd with an impromptu light-show across the street.

Seeing the looks of surprise and amazement on people's faces, and the smiles and laughter is the real reason I do this kind of stuff (but the pay ain't so bad either).

Entry 57 57 Varieties of Pickles" by the H.J. Heinz Company. That’s the first thing I thought of when I realized that I was about to start Entry 57. Heinz Tomato Ketchup was my absolute favorite condiment to smother all over my french fries, onion rings and scrambled eggs.

Since California is my home turf, I healed the San Andrea's Fault. Sort of like fixing two pieces a giant ball from pulling apart by using Super Glue. No more shakers, rattlers, or fear of California falling into the ocean. No 'Big One,' just peace of mind. I don't think anyone will notice, except for the geology geeks at Cal Tech.

Entry 58 I’ve developed my own style of stove-top cooking that creates food that is to-die-for. I take a skillet with a high edge (approx. 2”) and let it pre-heat for a minute or so, then I add one drop of cannabis-infused oil to the center of the pan. As flames rise around the edge of the skillet, I place my food; vegetables, chicken, or fish, in the dead center. The flames then envelope the tasty morsels and cook them to the point where the inside is cooked perfectly and the outside is charred deliciously for the best look and feel. I call this method Satan Flambé.

Entry 59 Whenever I’ve asked a believer in God where Heaven was, they would inevitably point to the sky. Okay, I get it, Heaven is up and Hell is down, but what I want to know is why does Heaven always looks like it’s just above a bunch of fluffy white clouds, seen from the window of a plane, in our atmosphere? Believers will argue that it is beyond space, but again I ask, why does it look that way? And how the Hell do they know? The bible was written by men Centuries ago, long before air travel, they would have no way of knowing what it looked like beyond the clouds. While I’m at it, which one of those lily-white-ass holy men knew exactly what a sinner would expect when they arrived in Hell? I think some scholars with some hallucinogenic plants and a great imagination had a field day composing the greatest piece of fiction man has ever created.

Entry 60 I often hear overly empathetic believers say, “Thereby the grace of God go I” when they see someone who appears less fortunate than themselves. I figured if they can use God as their fictional character of caring, I can use any other fictional character that I choose; “Thereby the grace of Ironman go I,” “Thereby the grace of Captain Kirk go I,” and my favorite, “Thereby the grace of Satan go I.”Try it sometime, it’s fun!

Entry 61 Mankind is a tough nut to crack. From the beginning of the human race, from small tribal villages to modern urban cities, man has been in love with power. Power over another person or people, power over the environment, power over the weather. To control others and profit from this behavior has become the Universal Dream. The negative side of greed - void of morals and value for life. This is the side of greed that sees other human beings as merely a commodity, a vehicle to exploit and discard. The positive side of greed is the motivation to do more and to want better for yourself and others.

I find that individually people are incredible, more than a couple and you start to get that group mentality. Groups can be dangerous because 1) they’re larger and more powerful, and 2) they can be more easily led to believe untruths. Groups become a generality, a race or culture of people, whereas one or two people are simply that, people. Fellow human beings with histories, families, stories, triumphs, and failures.

There is an insane amount of division between folks these days. Party lines in governments, religions, economic class, ethnicity, age, sports - it always comes down to us against them. We have been divided up and fattened for slaughter. My big quandary is how in tarnation am I going to do enough good in the World to make a difference? I already knew the answer to my own question - the only one judging me on whether or not I’m doing enough good in the World is me.

“What, me worry?” - Alfred E. Newman

Entry 62 The people that totally crack me up, but are extremely dangerous to society and the environment are those that claim to be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. From Kondratiy Selivanov and Ann Lee in the 18th Century to the nutcases Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez and Alan John Miller of today, these extremists actually think that they are the embodiment of Jesus Christ. According to Wikipedia, there are 30 of these folks from the 20th and 21st Centuries alone. This is cosplay on a whole different level. I mean yeah, you'll find guys dressed as Jesus at Comic-Con, usually riding a T-Rex and sporting an automatic weapon, but they know that they are just playing around. To spout gospel, start your own cult, and take innocent people's money, and sometimes their lives are downright criminally insane.

Here are a few quotes from Alan John (AJ) Miller, head of the Divine Truth cult in Australia, "There's probably a million people who say they're Jesus and most of them are in asylums. But one of us has to be. How do I know I am? Because I remember everything about my life."

"Just a little over 2000 years ago, we arrived on the Earth for the first time."

"My name is Jesus and I'm serious."

This guy is a classic cult leader who has done his homework. He has plucked peoples heartstrings by calling himself Jesus. He uses the 5 common methods of mind control;  1. People are put in physical or emotionally distressing situations, 2. Their problems are reduced to one simple explanation, which is repeatedly emphasized, 3. They receive unconditional love, acceptance, and attention from a charismatic leader or group, 4. They get a new identity based on the group, 5.  They are subject to entrapment (isolation from friends, relatives and the mainstream culture) and their access to information is severely controlled. Miller has mixed in scientific proof with biblical bullshit and called it Gods Truth. It sounds convincing, but come on, humans have only been around for 2000 years?!? (It's actually closer to 200,000)

*note to self: never be like that.

Entry 63 After a little research, I found out that only a handful of families own and operate the World Banks and are heavily invested in all of the Fortune 500 companies. Ah ha, so I’m not a conspiracy nut! This mafia of money has almost every major country in their very deep pockets. These money magnets figured out what makes the most money - destruction. If they create, allow, and promote any kind of disaster that will need fixing, they finance it and get fiscally fatter. War is easy, push some false propaganda about a country who doesn’t want to sell their resources to these world banks, send in a bully such as the United States to create a coup, and finance both sides of the war and the rebuilding of the country. The devastation of natural disasters is a major cash cow. Mankind has been messing around with controlling the weather [scientifically] since the 1940s. Cloud seeding is real. The larger and more powerful the storm, the more flooding and devastation, the sweeter the payout is for these robber barons. The mainstream media are puppets that they control to promote the fear-mongering and hatred that keeps people divided and fighting. To them, human beings are merely collateral cattle to do their bidding, over-populate, and die off in the slaughter.

And they say Satan is the evil one! If greed is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, these Bastards should be very dead (oh that’s right, the bible is just a book of fiction). I love to mess with their capitalistic system by hitting them where it hurts, in their wallets. I like to create boycotts of companies and products that are morally guilty and have safety issues and hazardous ingredients. Now you know why Walmart and Amazon stocks keep dropping like a lead balloon (Sorry guys, should be treating your employees better and paying them a decent wage to live on).

Entry 64 “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64.” - The Beatles

Today I was challenged by some dimwit visitor at work. He thought he was being funny by wearing his admission sticker somewhere hidden. When I asked him if he had his admission sticker he quite confidently exclaimed, “Yes!” When I asked to see the sticker he declared, “Don’t worry, I AM wearing it.” At this point, I was ready to have some fun. I very politely said, “Game on. Let’s play. If you truly are wearing that sticker, it will begin to burn through your clothing and brandish itself onto your skin. If nothing burns, you don’t have a sticker and need to go buy one, AND one for another person waiting in line. The fire has been lit, and the burning will commence in 5, 4, 3, 2,1…

It was like watching a live action cartoon, his face went from a smartass cocky grin straight to a look of horror and confusion. I found out real quickly where he stuck that sticker. After letting him jump around smacking his own ass like he was riding in a rodeo, I stopped the burning. As a parting gift, I left the sticker inked onto his skin as a permanent reminder of our time together. What can I say, I’m a giver.

Entry 65 I love the names of some of the fundraisers that Satanic groups come up with; SOLES FOR SATAN, MASTERBATIN’ FOR SATAN, MENSTRATIN’ FOR SATAN, SATANIC BLACK MASS, SATANIC STORY TIME, EXERCISING DEMONS, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL. I think there should be something for senior citizen Satanists - CONSTIPATED FOR SATAN, GRAMP’N FOR SATAN, or for the Jewish Satanists - SHALOMING FOR SATAN. HEIL SATAN for those dedicated German Satanists, and for the White Supremacist Satanists(?) I’LL KILL MYSELF FOR SATAN.

Entry 66{6} Via one of my favorite information source, Wikipedia, some Number of the Beast history and trivia:

In Kabbalistic Judaism the number 666 does not play any significant role as such. However, the perfect number 6 and some of its multiples (e.g. 36, 72 and 216) represents the creation and perfection of the world. The world was created in 6 days, and there are 6 cardinal directions (North, South, East, West, Up, Down). 6 is also the numerical value of one of the letters of God's name, associated with the Sefirah of Tiferet, which represents harmony, beauty, and cosmic balance. Rabbi Eliezer Horovitz, quoting the Vilna Gaon, mentions in his book Mosad ha-Yesod that the number 666 contains hidden within it exalted and lofty messianic potential, but does not explain any details of this conjecture.

Jehovah's Witnesses believe that the beast identified by the number 666 represents the world's unified governments in opposition to God. The beast is said to have "a human number" in that the represented governments are of a human origin rather than spirit entities. The number 666 is said to identify "gross shortcoming and failure in the eyes of Jehovah," in contrast to the number 7, which is seen as symbolizing perfection.

Seventh-day Adventists taking this view believe that the Mark of the Beast (but not the number 666) refers to a future, universal, legally enforced Sunday-sacredness. "Those who reject God's memorial of creator-ship—the Bible Sabbath—choosing to worship and honor Sunday in the full knowledge that it is not God's appointed day of worship, will receive the 'mark of the beast.’"

"The Sunday Sabbath is purely a child of the Papacy. It is the mark of the beast.”

Idealism, also known as the allegorical or symbolic approach, is an interpretation of the book of Revelation that sees the imagery of the book as non-literal symbols. The idealist perspective on the number of the beast rejects gematria, envisioning the number not as a code to be broken, but a symbol to be understood. Idealists would contend that because there are so many names that can come to 666 and that most systems require converting names to other languages or adding titles when convenient, it has been impossible to come to a consensus. Given that numbers are used figuratively throughout the book of Revelation, idealists interpret this number figuratively as well. The common suggestion is that because seven represents completeness and is associated with the divine, that six is incomplete and the three sixes are "inherently incomplete". The number is therefore suggestive that the Dragon and his beasts are completely inadequate. Another suggestion is that this number represents an individual's incomplete or immature spiritual state.

In 1989, Nancy and Ronald Reagan, when moving to their home in the Bel-Air section of Los Angeles after the 1988 election, had its address—666 St. Cloud Road—changed to 668 St. Cloud Road. In 2003, U.S. Route 666 in New Mexico was changed to U.S. Route 491. A New Mexico spokesperson stated, "The devil's out of here, and we say goodbye and good riddance."The phobia has been a motif in various horror films such as The Omen and its 2006 remake. The number of the beast also appears in other films such as Pulp Fiction, The Doom Generation, End of Days, Bedazzled, and The Phantom of the Opera. Some women expressed concern about giving birth on June 6, 2006 (6/6/06).

I know that I should have waited until Entry 666 to lay all this Number of the Beast stuff on you, but I just couldn’t wait to share.

Entry 67 I have actually come to appreciate the creators of government, religion, and commerce. Their patience in their long-term goals of corruption and greed is unsurpassed. They knew even then, that control of the minds, hearts, and money of the masses would ensure them wealth and power. The Catholic Church has been molesting children for centuries, and followers to this day still believe that the Church is here to do good in the World. According to TIME magazine, the Catholic Church is worth somewhere between 10 and 15 billion dollars, and they don’t pay taxes on any of it! The naivety of a huge portion of the populous, for this long, is almost unfathomable. Countries have been spying on each other, keeping secrets, and starting wars not for the reasons the mainstream media tell us, but for private profit. And of course, major corporations know that enough money spent on lobbying and bribes buys you control of both governments and religion. The 'War on Drugs' is funded by the U.S. government. The U.S. military protects the poppy fields in Afghanistan, then supplies the drugs made from the poppy, and then uses the drugs as an excuse for police brutality and more drug-related arrests. Privately run prisons make a killing off of the minor drug convictions. None of this is new, they just keep getting better at pulling the wool over the sheeple's eyes. I guess you could say I am the fly in the ointment, the wrench in the system, the thorn in their side. I’m like the older brother sticking his finger an inch from his little brothers face while repeating, “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you…”

Entry 68 It's officially Fall here in Southern California, which basically means it still feels like Summer. Daytime temps are in the 80's and 90's and humid in the evenings. It can be difficult to get into the Halloween spirit when the smell of suntan lotion fills the air and people are walking around in shorts and t-shirts. Here is Satan wishing for cooler weather <insert irony here>. I'm starting to think about what I want to be for All Hallows Eve. Since October 31 in Beth and my wedding anniversary, that night holds a special place in our hearts. Every year we do something fun and darkly-themed to celebrate our nuptials such as visit the Winchester Mystery House, take a trip to New Orleans or even go camping at a ghost town. But this year will be the first time I honor my love as Satan.

Entry 69 The yin and yang, the sex position, 96 to a dyslexic. The key is finding a balance. I'm finding out that I can't, and probably shouldn't try to save the world. A very wise supervisor once said to me, "Sometimes you've got to let it fail." This is a good reminder also to not draw too much attention to myself Satanic self. It's so easy to want to right every wrong, make every criminal pay for their crimes and be the hero, but I've got to remember - Satanic Lowriding (Satanic lowriding sounds like I'm riding around in a murdered out black Chevy Impala with red leather interior and hydraulics).

Entry 70 I have a confession, I like watching videos of people having huge pimples popped and blackheads squeezed. It's like a car crash, you don't want to look but you can't help it. Seeing the pus pulp of dead white blood cells and fresh red blood being pushed forth from the skin of their host makes me feel like I have the cleanest skin EVER! There is a woman on Facebook who goes by the name of Doctor POP that is a true artist at dermal cleansing. It's so beautifully sterile the way the patients are covered in surgical protectants leaving only the infected area exposed for Doctor POP to lacerate and squeeze like she's popping a champagne bottle with her latex covered fingers, true anatomic artistry.

Entry 71 Beth and I are not planning on having kids, but if we did, I'd like to use the names of the Devil to identify our little bundles of joy and also piss off the religious right. I just read an article about seven boys named Lucifer in England and Wales, how fun is that! Those towns are going think that it's an evil uprising coming to take over the World! I can just see our boy Lucifer burning up the streets on his skateboard, Satanas attending her first prom, and baby Beelzebub bouncin' 'round the room. My minion of misfit minors. I would teach our kids to be confident but not aggressive (unless it is necessary), to be proud of their names, and always keep their sense of humor. What will baby Bee's first word be, flies?

Entry 72 Last night I worked [security] for a wedding at the Garden. The usual big fancy set up with lots of staging, flowers, and rich people dressed to the 9's. The event was fine, until about 10:30 when a few of the neighbors in this wealthy suburb complained about the volume of the music coming from the dance floor. It was a beautiful celebration and everything was running smoothly until that visit by the police to turn things down, which did put a bit of a damper on the bride and grooms special day. As an anonymous wedding gift, I placed an invisible sound barrier around the property and told informed the DJ to turn it up. I asked my supervisor to step outside the gate of the garden near where the reception was being held to check the decibel reading. When she confirmed that it was quiet as a mouse across the street, we let the party rage on. The list of songs Mr. DJ was spinning from his laptop computer was an awesome mix of classic wedding tunes such as, "We Are Family" and "The Time of My Life, " to modern hip-hop. Mazel Tov you two crazy kids.

Entry 73 October 1st. Despite the fact that it is 95 degrees and sunny hasn't put a damper on my Halloween enthusiasm, as a matter of fact, it only motivates me more to find creative ways to celebrate All Hallows Eve. Since we are in Southern California and don't get the cool Fall weather with trees changing to a lovely Autumn orange and yellow, my image of this spooky time of year is that of an old western ghost town - dusty streets with tumbleweed blowing by, an old cemetery with wooden grave markers, and skeletons wearing cowboy hats and boots. Even though our apartment looks like we decorate for Halloween all year round, things get even more creepy during the last few months of the year. The 'Holiday Season' is a hauntingly beautiful time. Our neighbors have agreed to let me decorate the whole building, which means there will be a lot of traffic on our street due cars slowing down in amazement of our ghoulish display while expelling shrieks, ooo’s and ahhh’s. Time to start designing…

Entry 74 I had fun today at work doing nice, little, anonymous things for people. When I saw a co-worker with a handful of stuff approaching the reception door, I’d make the door gently swing open just as they arrived at the threshold. People would suddenly get great cell phone reception. Flowers would slowly fade from their original color to another hue, and then back. I even put a smile on a woman’s scowling face. Seeing the look of confusion convert to a pleasant surprise in her eyes was priceless.

Entry 75 Faux 'Service Dogs' used to really bother me when their obnoxious owners would get defensive when I would stop them to ask the two questions that, by law, I am allowed to ask, 1. Is it a Service Dog, and 2. What specific task is the dog trained to provide for their disability? The lying dog owner would always get agitated and blurt out something like, “Medical reasons” or “According to the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) you can’t ask me that” which just proves their dishonesty and arrogance. Now, I simply ask the dogs.

Today a couple tried to get in with not one, but two dogs. The white Maltese pups were on extending leashes held by the tattooed-shaved head-muscle shirt-douche with an attitude. When I asked him the questions he gave me the standard answers, they were service dogs and that I was not allowed to ask him the second question. I immediately looked down at the canines and asked them, “Are YOU Service Dogs?” to which they replied by telling me, “Service? We just want to run around, pee and poop!” They then both peed on their lying owners' legs and turn around to run back the other way. I politely look at him and said, “Service dogs huh? Get out and stop abusing a law that is for protecting the rights of disabled people whom legitimately need a dog to assist them through life.” He shot me a look of pure hatred that I found extremely humorous as they turned and stomped away, all the while his girlfriend never said a word, only rolling her eyes in embarrassment.

Entry 76 Typical of the church, they find something that people celebrate and enjoy and steal it for their own propaganda. I love a good haunted house, the more realistic the better. Hell Houses are the Christian haunted houses that show vignettes of the horrors of sinning - Anti-abortion, anti-drug, anti-free thinking, etc… The earliest hell house appears to have been created by Rev. Jerry Falwell in the late 1970s. The concept was picked up in 1992 by Keenan Roberts. His first Hell House was in Roswell, NM. Since then, he has become a pastor of the Destiny Church in Arvada, CO and sells Hell House Outreach™ kits to other churches. Included is a 263-page manual which covers everything from casting to publicity to instructions on how to make hamburger meat look like a fetus and where to store vats of blood. Roberts was once quoted saying that Hell Houses, "show young people that they can go to hell for abortion, adultery, homosexuality, drinking and other things unless they repent and end the behavior.” Can you believe this shit?!? Taking something fun like being frightened by gore and things-that-go-bump-in-the-night (which are healthy things to be afraid of), and scarring kids for life with these barbaric recruitment tactics.

There is a Hell House in West Hollywood, CA. I thought to myself, “How much fun would it be to visit their little moral macabre show and scare the Hell out of THEM?!?” So I did. It wasn’t very crowded, mostly parishioners of that church and their delusional families. I acted humble and quiet, waiting to see the horrors of modern life they were about to show me. In all of the rooms I went into, I changed the attitude of the actors to the enjoyment of the sin they were demonstratively demonstrating as opposed to the negative scare tactics of which they intended to portray. I had couples thanking God for the ability to get an abortion because of rape, men and women/men and men/women and women passionately making love, and one scene where a family was sitting around the kitchen table smoking pot and drinking wine and beer. For fear that anyone would see this gross display of carnal pleasure, this Hell House closed almost immediately after I left the premises.

Entry 77 So the story goes that back in the heyday of Rock and Roll on the Sunset Strip in Hollywood there was a drinking club made up of musicians known as the Hollywood Vampires who hung out at the famous Rainbow Bar on Sunset Blvd. next door to the Roxy club. They acquired the name Hollywood Vampires because they were only seen at night and quite often were drinking red wine. Fast forward to 2015. Three friends - Alice Cooper, Joe Perry of Aerosmith, and actor/musician Johnny Depp get together and decide to form a band to honor their dead drunk friends from rock and roll's past, and aptly name the band the Hollywood Vampires. Along with some of the best session players in the biz, the Vampires totally shred on songs by their friends from bands such as The Who, Led Zeppelin, T-Rex, and many others. I have been listening to their debut album non-stop for a couple of weeks! Alice Cooper being the rock and roll patriarch of the group owns the stage with his commanding prowess, while Joe, Johnny and the rest of the band rock the hell out of the songs of their fallen compadres. Never stop rockin’!  

Entry 78 I’m sort of happy that the folklore character Krampus is becoming more popular, at the same time I’d hate to see such kind-hearted ally become the victim of over-marketing. Krampus, in European folklore, looks like a fur-covered half goat/half demon. He plays the bad-cop to Saint Nicholas’ good-cop. While ol’ St. Nick rewarded the good children with toys, Krampus punished the bad kids by beating them with a birch switch, gathering them up in his wicker basket he wears on his back and tosses them into a special place in Hell. I’m tired of seeing all the faux goodwill towards man bullshit around Christmas time, and then it’s back to displaying our prejudices and hate to each other.

Entry 79 Not surprising, I support the supposed ‘War on Christmas.’ Of course, there is no War on Christmas, it’s just the extreme right-wing Christians that feel threatened because there are other people who celebrate the Winter Solstice differently than they do. Everything has to be “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays.” They get their Jesus loving panties in a bunch when Starbucks’ holiday cups don’t look Christmasy enough. They actually think that December 25th is the birthday of their fictional savior. Oy Vey.

Christmas lights on churches can’t seem to stay lit for some reason <wink wink>. People who display giant crosses as part of their Christmas decorations tend to find them inverted each night when they turn on their retina-burning light displays. Hypocrites who complain about Starbuck’s cups but continue to buy their coffee find that holding that not-Christmas-enough cup is impossible because it is hot as Hell in their sacred hands (making McDonald’s coffee seem like an ice bath).

Every time a choir sings, a demon gets their wings.

Entry 80 I think I’m going to take it easy for the rest of the year and wait for the overly sponsored Tournament of Roses Parade on New Years Day. Maybe I’ll hex the floats so that none of them stall or breakdown on the parade route. Happy New Year!©