#again. i love that hidan never know wtf is going on

[wispforever]

do you guys think kakuzu's ever really hard on himself bc of his time in the waterfall and then hidan just unknowingly is himself

bonus under the cut

[thou-can-say-azrail]

more about deidara being a gay mess like all of us and itachi being oblivious as shit cause i love them and imma make it everyones problem

first of all, itachi, mr. i-keep-all-of-my-feelings-right-here-and-one-day-i´ll-die has no idea how attraction works like he knows what couples, dating and sex and stuff are but has no idea how and why it happens (cause hes a kid and a moron) so when he sees somebody flirt he just thinks they wanna be friends very badly

on the other hand, if you google “the opposite of subtle” you´ll find a pic of deidara

itachis anti-emotion, obliviousness shitshow vs deidaras immensely gay and blatant ass: FIGHT!

so itachi tsukoyomis dei with a single look and dei is hit with an intense wave of gay shit™ cause unfortunately for deidara (but its a blessing for everyone else) he is also hot af 

and deidara who is not as much of a dumbass as itachi with emotions and stuff but still stupid as shit (A/N: just fyi i think that boys virgin ass never had any contact with anyone till he joined akatsuki except maybe kurotsuchi but he was to young to have anything sexual with her and she calls him nii-san and if that isnt some weird kink then its strictly platonic) manages to bury his massive crush under the pile of “stupid uchiha, un”s he thinks in every waking second

but heres the thing: people only partly like the akatsuki members for their shining personalities but before we got invested it was mostly because we would let every single one of them rail us

that kid probably had like 12 gay crisis daily

he walks into the room and there stands kakuzu without his mask looking like he just showered, counting money and mumbling hateful under his breath and he stumbles over air and falls headfirst into the table itachi sits on

hidan who walks around shirtless 24/7 sits next to him (eating dangos by taking the skewer completly in his mouth and pulling them of the stick) smirks at him when he tries to get up again and promptly sends him back to the floor

after he finally got up without anymore assaults at his gayness and dragged himself on the chair to eat, sasoris voice from behind him bitchs about something he doesnt even remember when he turns around and chokes midbite because kami what the fuck he is hot too?

at the end he just decides it isnt worth it and leaves the room to sulk in peace about the fact that he never felt gayer

hidan starts sniggering the minute he is out of the door and sasori deadpans “oh no why would he leave already” and without missing a beat itachi (who after anbu thinks all that men talk about are relationships of other people (the anbu are terrible gossips and you cant convince me otherwise) and tries to fit in) goes “maybe he has a secret girlfriend he wants to visit” 

and at first hidan just snorts but then he realizes that itachi is serious and starts laughing so hard that the others come to the kitchen too to ask wtf is going on and hidan wants to explain but he cant get out a word

sasori is just sitting on the table wondering if this is his live now and kakuzu is still looking at itachi blankly so itachi answers with “i just said that maybe deidara has a secret girlfirend”

and thats the day itachi made 3 nuke nin cry with laughter, got the rest to question their life choices and learned how relationships work

[21tailsofwoe]

Uniweasel AU- Sasori, Hidan, and Kisame- "The first meeting of 'operation ItaDei' is now underway-" Hidan- "I liked 'operation make my friends fuck already' better" Sasori, "Youre outvoted Hidan. Anyway, we are here because the amount of UST & obliviousness is fucking embarrassing & its getting out of hand. Today we will talk about what we know about them and their relationship, and leave the real planning for this saturday- bc none of us have class." (1 / ?)

Uniweasel (2/?)- Sasori, “First up, Kisame.” Hidan, cutting over him, “HEY Why r u in charge?” Sasori, “Bc im good at manipulating people unlike Kisame & ur a dumbass” Hidan, “Thats fair” Kisame, “Well from what ive seen Itachi genuinely thinks Deidara hates him & just Cannot see evidence 2 the contrary even when its pointed out. He likes Deidara otherwise, tho hes never mentioned a crush or anything” Sasori, “I never realized Uchiha was that oblivious we have our work cut out for us.”

Uniweasel (3/?)- Sasori, “Hidan?” Hidan, “They desperately need to fuck or kiss or something ive sat through too many classes watching them Not Looking at eachother. Im going to Die otherwise. IDK how two twinky-ass bottoms are gonna work this out but this is for our collective fucking sanity” Sasori, “Crude. But true. Though Deidara has implied he is more of a verse when-” Kisame, red in the face, “OK thats enough! Subject change.”

Uniweasel (4/4)- Sasori, “Now its my turn. Deidara is clearly aware he has feelings for Itachi, but is burying them in anger bc hes bad at genuine emotion & I think he doesnt want to get hurt again by being emotionally sincere. He will never admit he has a crush TO Itachi bc of this & that I think he thinks that Itachi secretly hates him & is just being polite.” Hidan, “WTF Do u analyze everyone like this?” Sasori, “Of course. Well, times up. Remember- this Saturday. Keep this secret or else.”

CAN I JUST SAY I LOVE SASORI IN THIS AU 

[jashindoesntloveshidan]

Birthday Surprise (with love, from Barbie)

from @sculpted-envy

Deidara had no idea what he was fucking doing, right now. He’d never given anyone a gift before. Granted, he’d never had friends to give gifts for, but… still! Why was this so difficult?

Now, he would rather die than let anyone know he did this, but the artist had resorted to looking up articles on ‘how to not give a shitty gift’.

Some of the articles suggested giving something that was practical! Well… Hidan wasn’t exactly a practical man… so… strike that. 

Another list said to pay attention to things the person might say he wants in random, every day conversations… Okay… That should have been easy, except Deidara wasn’t old enough to buy liquor and most of the time they joked about wanting some people to fall flat on their faces or just blow up and disappear… so… no on that one.

With each article he read, he found himself feeling more and more frustrated. How could he call himself Hidan’s best friend and not know what to get the idiot for his birthday??? Every time he thought he found something, his heart raced in excitement and something akin to nervousness as he wondered if the other would like it!… Further thinking had the blond second guessing every potential gift.

Hidan’s birthday was in a couple of hours and Deidara still did not have a gift… In a fit of frustration, he turned to the only thing that could keep him calm and level headed– his art.

Lately, he’d been getting more creative and making his own stupid little knickknacks for fun. He was talented when it came to sculptures and inspired by little knickknacks he’d come across in thrift stores. Rather than buying them, he learned to make a couple of them himself. It wasn’t difficult to do, but it definitely was kind of relaxing and something uncharacteristically cute, charming and silly for the blond to focus on.

By 4:00 am, Deidara had created his own version of the Drinking Bird. This one was a dragon, crafted in the blond’s telling style. It was made out of clay and other miscellaneous bits that made it work in the same fashion, but it was unique and entertaining.

As Deidara sat and watched the dragon bob into its little cup of “molten gold”, he idly wondered, in his sleep deprived mind, if he could give this to Hidan.

He’d heard before that people might appreciate hand-crafted things, but was Hidan one of those people? This thing was useless and not something that the silvery man seemed to like, but Deidara was out of time and out of other options or ideas. 

With a sigh, he put it in a little box later that day. Why was he so nervous about this? Why did he want so badly for Hidan to like this?

Pulling a card out of his desk, he scribbled a hasty 'Happy Birthday’ and signed his name at the bottom in a messy, yet dynamic series of strokes– the signature he’d come up for himself in case he ever got famous… you know.

All the way to Hidan’s dorm, his heart was racing. He could be casual and just give it to him, but he would rather not see the disappointment in his face when he opened the box up to find a stupid variation of some old-timey knickknack.

Instead, Deidara set the box down outside of Hidan’s door and sent him a quick text before returning to his room.

[ txt ] :: Hey. I left something outside your door. I’m busy and couldn’t give it to you in person. You’re probably busy too. Happy birthday.

He assumed Hidan had other plans for the day. Maybe a party to go to, maybe someone else to meet. Secretly, he hoped it wasn’t the case. A part of him really hoped to spend Hidan’s birthday with him. He’d just have to wait and see.

Hidan woke up to the sound of his phone going off. It’s usually an exciting feeling to get a text message on your birthday; but for the man, his plans of sleeping the day away were ruined. Besides, people actually remembering his birthday was pretty rare. Even with the new addition of social media outlets exposing that information. He was used to the casual “Oh, that was today?” or “Sorry, I totally forgot!” It didn’t phase him anymore. At this point, he’d rather not be bothered with people pretending to care.

Then again, there’s a possibility that whoever is trying to contact him doesn’t even know about his birthday. At this point, it seems more likely. No use getting his hopes up.

He checked his phone, dreading to see who the culprit is. Seeing Deidara’s name flash across the screen was a pleasant surprise. Or, to be more accurate, Deidara bomb emoji, tongue out emoji, skull emoji.

What’s even more exciting, though, is that he actually left a gift for Hidan outside his dorm room. Now, the man never cared too much about celebrating his birthday, but he couldn’t deny the bubbly feeling he got when he read the message. It’s crazy that someone would actually take the time out for that kind of thing.

He jumped out of bed, and grabbed the box from outside the door. He went to the table in the living area, and eagerly opened it up. He literally gasped when he pulled out the clay dragon. How did Deidara know  the man loves dragon? He felt like a kid on christmas, and took a picture of it, sending it to Deidara- as if he didn’t know what he got for Hidan.

[txt]: DUDE wtf this is so cool!

He continued,

[txt]: wait did you make this yourself??? holy shit, thats fucking awesome

[txt]: it fucking moves! this is the coolest thing ever

In short, Hidan could not have been happier. His whole day was made, it had to be impossible to bring him down. Beside the fact that Deidara was busy, and couldn’t drop in to hang out with the man today.

[txt]: honestly, thanks man. sucks that your busy today we couldve hung out. ill be here all day lol

[zilveninde-blog]

i don’t think this makes sense to anyone else but let me ramble onto the dash.

the thing is,  of course itachi would choose to kill his own,  entire clan.   13 years old,  fresh out of a war.

the shinobi system trains child soldiers - gives them the ability to do atrocious && magnificent things long before they go through puberty --- puberty,  the time in a human being’s life where they learn what they themselves want,  who they are,  where they draw the line && where they don’t,  their autonomy.   it trains killing machines out of children,  highly effective during their short lives - because they never reach the age where they learn to look at the world through their own eyes,  && realize their own power to say no,  to say yes,  to say maybe, but not like that,  to make their their own decisions.

of course itachi murdered his entire fricking clan when being told to do so by highest authority he can recognize - the ones who give him his orders for the sake of the village,  his leader their caretaker the one who makes the calls && actually knows how to make decisions.   the source of the doctrine.   especially when danzou so magnanimously offers him one shred of light - to keep one of them.   his generosity,  his care,  his omni-potence. itachi does not make his own decisions,  && this is entirely natural to him a) because he’s still too fucking young to properly combat this situation psychologically && b) because even his beginning realization that he could disagree with what he’s told is swathed in the despair of losing everything his world means to him to another’s decision.   this is just so normal to him that of course he has to do something that falls within the perimeter of decisions allowed by those who’ve been making the calls his whole life.   fresh out of war,  itachi already has learned that to live means to lose,  && to live the life he’s been forced into means to lose on a grand scale.   his self,  his innocence his heart his everything his humanity - his friends and family etc etc.

even when these child soldiers do reach && go through puberty,  they do so in an environment that does not allow them safe choices.   they will realize they can choose to disobey,  immediately followed by the knowledge that it will lead to their death or worse. it’s no wonder that the best  - the ones who witness the most -  are the ones who turn on their village.   although,  it’s more accurate to say that they flee their village && everything in it,  && seek a life that still is what their used to... but with the ‘freedom’ to make their own choices.   they will still die if another disagrees strongly enough,  but at least this time they don’t have to pretend to be okay with any of it.   they get to fight the ones who try to make their decisions for them.

i mean,  i’ve yet to hear of a rogue nin who actually completely destroyed their home village --- except maybe hidan.   but most of them just... try to get away.   as far away as possible from that mess they call(ed) ‘home’.

...................................... point is.   13yo itachi doesn’t know wtf he’s doing.   && it doesn’t surprise me that as he grows older && more aware,  he dives headfirst into coping mechanisms that never allow him to actually face wtf he’s done. HE’S A COWARD.   reasonably so considering the scale of things && w/e, but still a coward.    && there’s nothing loving about what he did to sasuke - sasuke wasn’t even seen as a human being ( again, not surprising given what itachi himself is used to - he likely doesn’t really know any better even if he knows of better things ),  was only used as a coping mechanism.   some way to cast the blame away,  to keep from having to be real with himself abt what happened.

blahblah whine blahblah.   itachi has Dat aesthetic && whatnot,  but he’s a fucking loser.   FACE UR FEARS,  U LIL BITCH. anyway,  that said i wanna write him lmao.