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galacticwildfire · 1 year

Text

Found.

Twenty Six

Pairing: Kenobi!oc x Din Djarin, former Kenobi!oc x Boba Fett.

Summary: Satine and Obi-wan’s daughter fought in the war against the Empire and lost her faith when she lost Mandalore. Until she found him. A lone Mandalorian searching for a Jedi.

Warnings/tags: Trigger warnings for flashbacks: choking, intimate partner violence, explicit consent given but mentions of painful sex and dubcon, mentions of abortion/miscarriage. For the rest of the story: angst and more angst, a little bit of fluff and non-explicit sad smut at the end but mostly angst and violence. Discussions about domestic violence and overall violent and toxic relationships, depictions of ptsd and mentions of torture. It's an emotionally heavy chapter.

Content Warning: This chapter may be confronting for those who have experienced domestic violence. STRICTLY 18+ FOR MATURE THEMES.

Word Count: 9.5k

A/N: Her relationship with Boba has been one of the most interesting ones I've written, and I want to return to the prequel to flesh it out more and I will give him another pov sometime soon as well. It's certainly the darkest relationships I've written, the definition of enemies and lovers. Also as an apology for not updating for like six months it's nearly 10k.

I feel Din gently pulling wet hair out of my face as one part of me shuts down and another awakens. Compartmentalisation I'd called it during the war, but in truth it was shutting down the part of me that was raised by a Jedi in favour of something far more violent. I can almost hear my father pleading with me.

"Kyra, cyar'ika," Din says, trying to bring me back to him by jumping straight into a plan of action. "Solo's coming here to help, now you're awake we'll go to Navarro and-"

"Excuse me," I say quietly in a voice I don't quite recognise, needing to end this and get the truth before we can even think about anything else. "I have some business to take care of."

"Kyra, no," I immediately hear Lando say in recognition of whatever look must be in my eyes but I'm stumbling out of the room and blindly marching down the hallway, disassociation turning to something else with primal rage consuming me body, mind and soul the moment I lay eyes on him and then everything comes rushing back.

"Ah, you're alive," Boba says, standing there without his helmet despite already knowing how this ends.

"You betrayed me," I say numbly before I bodyslam him into the wall with a knife in hand only for him to push me into the opposite one, wrestling the blade from my hand and restraining my wrists to the wall, finding myself jarringly weak after the impact but not that weak.

"Listen here princess-"

"No!" My knee comes up hard between his legs, him having neglected to put on that piece of armour, the shock of the attack leaves me able to break his grip and strike him across the face. My hand reaches for the nearest thing next to me which happens to be a decorative lamp, smashing it over his head before grasping a shard in my hand and bringing it into his neck as I pin him to the wall. "You fucking listen to me!"

"Kyra-" he hisses as I press the edge of the glass into his neck with a shaking hand, hard enough to draw blood. "I had nothing to do with it!"

Even as blood runs down my hand it still does not feel real. "And I'm supposed to believe that?"

"Yes," I hear a voice say and look to see Din of all people with his hands out trying to calm me. "I know you don't remember what happened, I know you want him dead and if you want to kill him then kill him, but he didn't take the child. He got us off the planet and away from the Empire."

"Listen to your boyfriend," Boba says but my mind is too far gone from whatever injuries I sustained to comprehend what I'm being told let alone believe it. "All I wanted was my armour, not this."

"All you wanted was your armour?" I repeat, fueled by madness alone as the broken pieces of my mind put a picture together no matter how ill fitting. "All you wanted was your armour and to keep us there until the Empire arrived?"

"You did that, not me-" he curses again as I dig the glass deeper. "Kyra!"

"Oh, does that hurt?" I ask him and look him in the eye as I begin to twist his mind as Vader once twisted mine. "You know nothing of pain."

"Kyra!" Lando yells once he realises what I'm doing. "Put the glass down."

"Kill him and be done with it," Din says with an edge in his voice I've never heard directed towards me as Boba yells out weakly in pain. "We need to find the child."

"Where is he?" I ask Boba, ignoring Din and Lando's attempts to intervene as I invade the walls of Boba's mind and watch him wince as I dig deeper. "Tell me."

"I don't-"

I slam him against the wall again as Han and Chewie come in running only to quickly come to a halt at seeing me with a shard of glass at Boba Fett's neck. "Where is he!"

"I didn't have anything to do with it!"

The truth does not matter to me, not anymore, not when his blood is staining my hands.

What's another drop?

"Okay," I say calmly, withdrawing my mental attacks along with the glass from his neck. Din cautiously steps closer and I look at Han and Chewie who stand there with blasters in hand and know Han has been waiting for this since the last time we all stood in this city together. "Chewie grab him."

Chewie roars as he grabs Boba who elects not to fight and Han has a blaster at his back as I drag him through the halls with my fist in his clothes, pulling him by the fabric around his throat until we reach that damned room Lando sealed off before I ever agreed to step foot in this city again. The room where I listened to Han being tortured before Vader threw me in there.

The room where my mind was broken for the last time, where Vader finished what he began after the purge. I tried to kill myself on Mandalore so it wouldn't happen, but it did. I begged Boba to kill me so Vader could never harm me again. But he didn't.

And now he can suffer the consequences.

"Kyra you are not what Vader tried to make you in that room," Lando calls from down the hall, him and Din chasing after us with blasters in hand. "Luke-"

"Isn't here," I say as I use my saber to cut open the sealed room and Chewie throws Boba inside. He and Han block the exit as I come to stand over him, Din and Lando running now in pure panic as I look at the saber in my hand with no inhibition left.

Boba looks up at me and truly realises for the first time I am not the same girl who walked into this room. I can see it in his eyes, the trauma, his father falling to the same weapon, his head rolling on the ground.

Perhaps I am cruel enough to do the same to him, but not yet. Not until he is begging me to kill him as I once begged him to do to me. Only then will he know what true pain is.

"I am going to show you exactly what happened in this room," I tell him, Han holding a hand out to stop Lando from intervening while Din stands there silent. "But first you will tell me where my child is."

"You can torture me all you want, but I didn't have a hand in this," he swears to me. "Search your feelings or whatever the fuck you Jedi do, you know I didn't."

"Kyra," Lando warns me, choosing to be the insufferable voice of reason in Luke's absence and I realise Luke had prepared him for this very situation because the words he speaks are not his own. "This isn't you. You swore you would never become what Vader wanted to make you, only the weak give in to the darkness. You don't use the force to make people suffer."

"I don't need to use the force to make him suffer," I answer and bend down in front of Boba, brandishing my saber and bringing it close to his face, ignoring my father's voice trying to break through the veil separating his ghost from this world. "I don't believe a word you say."

"I loved you," Boba says to me as if that matters now but it's enough to make something burn inside of me. "I came to you on Tatooine to protect you against the Empire, why would I fucking send them after you!"

"Because that is who you are!" I yell, knowing only one thing. He comes and my child is taken. Nothing else matters. "A traitor. To me, to Mandalore-"

"That might be true," he says, sacrificing his dignity for the sake of his life. "But I still loved you."

Four years I'd known him. Four years I'd loved him for better and for worse. From after the first Death Star was destroyed until that day at Jabba's palace. Never once had he spoke those words to be.

"I don't have time for this," I scoff in exasperation, wielding my saber too freely for Lando's liking. "My child is gone."

"I loved you right from the start Kyra," he tells me, trying to provoke me into giving him a quick death but Jedi do not kill in anger and so I put my saber away. I will not use a Jedi's weapon to strike in anger, and so I pull free a blade instead. "But you know that."

I laugh now, shaking my head in utter disbelief at that claim. "You ruined me right from the start-"

But it's his next words that make me lose control of my emotions. "You were the one who wanted it."

"I was barely nineteen!" I scream at him, remembering it all too well. "I was a kid!"

"So tell me," I asked him during that very first fight after he'd brought me to Mandalore. "Are you the same as the bounty hunters who gave me over to the Inquisitors for some extra credits, the same as the men who stood by while a ten year old girl screamed for help?"

He was quiet and put his helmet on the table, taking a step forward toward me. "The Jedi took children screaming from their parents all the time, killed my father in front of me. They were no different from the Empire. Evil exists everywhere-"

"Oh shut up," I breathed, not taking that excuse. "You are blind if you don't see what the Empire does."

"Oh I know what the Empire does, better than you," he replied, looking me in the eye. "I never claimed to be a good man. If I'm given a job I finish it. Honour doesn't do anybody good unless they're looking to get killed."

And so I asked "Then why didn't you give me to Vader? I have the highest bounty in the galaxy."

He spoke but did not answer the question, not willing to admit he'd been deceived.

"A young woman who hides her face comes to me asking for passage to Mandalore who can pay me in beskar. I knew damn well there was only one woman in the galaxy who can pay that price," he told me, but if that was true I would have been in Vader's hands. "I was curious to see how long you would keep up the act."

"And now?"

"Now," he said and brought his hand up, his thumb running over my bottom lip. "Now I'm curious about this so-called Mand'alor."

He shook his head as if he hadn't enticed me first, a girl who was barely a woman. Han was the same age when he met Leia but he spent years fighting alongside her, loving her, before he ever touched her. He never used her, he respected her despite their fights, he would have died for her and he would have never betrayed her.

Han loved her unconditionally through those same years I hid my affair with Boba with the understanding that Leia's devotion belonged first and foremost to the Rebellion. He loved her enough he was willing to walk away at the end of the war if it was Luke she'd loved and not him. He loved her selflessly while Boba would at every turn try to convince me to abandon all I loved for someone who could not even say those words to me.

I'm still younger now than he was when we met, old enough to know that no man like him sees a young girl in pain and chooses to do what he did. Even now he can dare to look at me and say "And you would have thrown me out of that palace if I called you one."

I look at him now, body as deformed and horrid as his heart is. "You were the one who started this. You were a grown man who knew exactly what he was doing."

I grabbed his wrist, raising a cautious eyebrow. "You are a bold man Boba Fett."

His eyes traced my silhouette, skimming over the skin bared by the dress I'd worn just for him. "Then what does that make you?"

The corner of my lip turned upwards. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"I would," he said, backing me up against the table until it pressed into my tailbone. "Because I think you and I aren't that different."

That made me let out a dangerous laugh. "If you believe that you aren't just bold, but blind."

He moved his hand down along the bare skin of my arm, my body reacted as if his touch was electric. "You can claim you're better than me, doing what you do for the greater good, except you're lying. You don't care about the greater good or honour, you do what you do because you want revenge. You kill because you like it. You have a cruel streak in you, princess. Deep down you are just as ruthless as I am."

He nudged my leg open with his knee enough that the slit of my dress opened and revealed the small knife tucked into my garter.

"You can call yourself a Jedi all you want," he told me, hand coming to brush the skin of my thigh until it reached the cold metal of the blade. "But you're a Mandalorian, you can't change that, so stop pretending you aren't."

With that he stepped away from me and I couldn't help the small gasp that left me at the absence of his touch. He didn't say another word as he reached for his helmet, putting it back on before leaving the room, as if he was never there.

"You were the instigator, not me," he argues while I'm the one shaking my head now. "You're the one that gave me a bar of beskar to smuggle you back to Mandalore, you were the one who gave me another to stay and fuck you when I tried to do the right thing and leave."

"Don't-" I warn but he is past listening.

"Call me a traitor but don't accuse me of manipulating you into anything," he says and I'm shocked by the genuine offence in his voice that I could almost call hurt. "Curse me for handing you over to Vader and all the rest, but don't pretend you didn't want it. I asked you if you would regret it before I ever touched you, so don't pretend you didn't know what you were doing."

The beskar on the table along with my offer to make him my commander was not enough to make him stay, but that days war council had proven to me the need for loyalty, even bought loyalty.

But we both knew that wasn't the reason I wanted him to stay. He'd set something inside of me alight and I wanted more. I wanted to feel what the Jedi Order forbade, not just passion, but something deeper.

Which is why I kissed him when he'd asked me why I wanted him to stay, a brief kiss that no doubt showcased how purely inexperienced and unfortunately desperate I was, but it got my point across.

He remained standing still with a self control that left me embarrassed by the lack of my own, that left me doubting if I had somehow misinterpreted his actions before, and suddenly he was hesitant the moment I returned what he began.

Little did I know he liked the chase and this disrupted it.

"How old are you little one?"

For a moment I debated lying but answered honestly. "Nineteen."

His eyebrows shot up and I realised he was indeed hoping for a different answer. "Nineteen?"

"I am not a child," I said quickly. How could I be a child when I had blood on my hands and the weight of a planet on my shoulders? How could I be a child when I'd given the orders not to take any prisoners when retaking territory from the Empire?

And yet I found myself having never even kissed a man until then.

"Oh I wouldn't go that far," he assured me. "I knew you were young but-"

His hesitance was enough I felt stupid for being so forward but countered "That didn't stop you before."

Little did I realise it wasn't my age he cared about, but the fact in a simple kiss I'd shown him I'd never felt a touch like his before. That despite my bloodshed I was an innocent in his eyes. The very thing he didn't want to see me as, but still there was a glimmer of interest at that prospect. A sick enjoyment following the initial hesitation, a newfound fetish for corruption.

"That was before I saw you throw a man twice your size to the ground and realised you aren't just a spoiled princess, before I actually respected you," he said and left me speechless as well as frustrated. "Do you want me to fight for you or fuck you, because business and pleasure are two very different things."

With those simple words I found myself stammering for an answer, my eyes falling to the floor "I-" I knew what I was supposed to say, business and nothing more, but it wouldn't have been the truth. "Both."

He tilted his head, his silence and imposing presence suddenly left me backtracking.

"I shouldn't have-"

But I fell silent as he placed a knuckle beneath my chin and lifted it up to look him in the eye. "I never said no."

He must have felt me swallow for just a hint of a smile played at his lips, one that was no good.

"I am not a good man," he said, fingers toying at the shoulders of my flimsy dress.

"I know," I said, that fact having been horribly clear to me but did little to deter the ache I felt at his touch. "But maybe I like that."

Or maybe I believed there was more to him than that.

"I think you do," he said, watching what the mere trail of his knuckle along my skin did to me. "Do you want me to fuck you princess?"

My body flushed with heat and I opened my mouth to answer but he stopped me with a thumb over my lips.

"Think before you speak."

I swallowed hard before giving a simple answer. "Yes."

He raised a warning eyebrow as his hand came to my waist ."You won't regret this?"

I paused again before answering but the answer was the same. "No."

His other hand moved down from my chin to gently hold my throat and I had to bite back a whimper as he found my pulse point with deadly precision.

"Tell me you want it," he said, leaving no room for misinterpretation, and for the very first time I felt in control to take what I wanted. Even if I was sorely mistaken in believing I held the power in that moment as his hand tightened around my throat. An action that had my heart pounding with fear as the memories of Vader's torture prior to the Death Star's destruction came to mind, but I refused to back down. "Say it."

"I want you."

I look at him now, barely recognising his face but still remembering how it felt when I had him that first time. The pain and pleasure it brought, as well as the tears that came once I was finally alone. His hand wrapped around my throat as he split me open with little mercy, when I cried out telling me that surely the Mand'alor could handle a little pain. A degrading reminder that I ruled Mandalore and yet he had me at his mercy. A metaphor that told me I had no true power unless I took it.

Eventually I did, the second time I had him I ensured that, but in that moment I'd never felt more vulnerable. There was no love, no affection, but any gentleness he showed in taking me was more than I'd ever felt. In time the rest came perhaps, or maybe I fooled myself into believing it was there. I'd never known any different after all.

Not until now.

"You're right," I admit to him for the sake of my pride if nothing else. "I took what I wanted until-"

"Until you ran away," he finishes, choosing to be just as cruel. "From Mandalore, from me, all for your rebellion. You ran like you always do. Like you always will."

"Until you ruined me," I correct, trembling now with the anger I try to restrain, realising that not even my pride can come above the pain. "Until you brought me to this room."

Every fight I ever had in those early days with Bo-Katan comes to mind, every single time she warned me against trusting Boba in the name of protecting me. I'd thought she was trying to control me, even when she actually struck me when she found him in my room one night, telling me that I'd only learn the hard way if I didn't wake up and listen to her.

And she was right.

"You're the pretty little idiot who trusted a bounty hunter, seems you haven't learned your lesson yet," he says looking past me at Din. "And if you keep believing righteousness can save you you're never getting that kid back."

My words to Lando turn into a lie as his head slams back hard into the wall and Lando and Han both try to hold me back from killing him as I find one of the many hidden blades within my armour and grab him by the throat, raising the blade to drive it down into him, only for it to slip from my hand when Boba twists it violently and finally I see it in his eyes, the realisation that this time I could really kill him.

And I will.

He sees the decision in my own eyes and reaches for me as I move for the blade, throwing me back by the waist and slamming me facedown into the ground as I reach for it, only for the idiot to forget I'm a Jedi after all. It flies into my hand as I twist out of his grip and the men rush forward only to jump back as Boba's kicked across the face in his attempt to pin me down. No one, not even Din, dares to interfere as I throw him onto his back and pin him down with my knee, the bone pushing straight down into his lungs I raise the blade only for him to catch my wrist when I drive it down and the tip hovers just over his neck. I'm screaming as I try to overpower him, to finish it.

To finally bring this never ending nightmare to a close.

"Kyra!" Boba barks out as I strain against his iron grip and he says the words I never expected to hear from his mouth. "I'm sorry."

For just a moment I falter but refuse to let his words break my resolve as grief overcomes me.

"Sorry?" I repeat, feeling fear flooding the room and none of it my own. "Do you know what they did to me here?" I whisper, the blade tight in my violently shaking hand as I quake "Do you know!" Even now I can still feel it, my mind being unmade. "They put me in a mind flayer," I tell Boba and watch what little colour is left drain from his face. "And that was just the beginning."

"Lando get Leia here now!" I hear Han yelling as Boba stares up at me and for the very first time I see fear in his eyes as he truly realises what Vader made me, what he twisted me into that final time all because he wouldn't kill me. The ruin my mind became because of his weakness. Then behind that fear there is only pure remorse. "Mando will you grab her already before I do!"

Finally Din moves, forcefully pulling me off him and it's all I need to break free of Boba's iron grip. The blade cuts across his throat as my hand slips, but not deep enough to kill, and I'm fighting as Din hauls me out of that room with a strength he's never used on me before. I'm thrashing as he drags me down the hall until finally I go limp in his arms and he pries the blade from my hand as I collapse, he's all that's holding me up as something in me that's long been broken finally shatters completely.

"I-" I quake as suddenly everything becomes horribly real.

"I know," he tells me and for just a moment I feel him grasped by the same madness as he pulls me to him, the madness of having watched a child be taken. "I know cyar'ika."

He's terrified and I'm crying, the monster inside me Vader created not dead as I'd been led to believe, but merely tamed, now loose.

And yet it does not scare me anywhere near as deeply as the Empire does in this very moment.

Din holds me as Han comes and bends down in front of me, having been the one who'd stopped me from killing Mon Mothma in the same fit of rage after Mandalore. Having always seen just what I tried to hide from Luke, always the big brother I never had, or at least thought I never had.

"Leia's coming," he tells me and promises "We're going to get your kid back, whatever's out there no doubt wants your boy and mine both, we aren't letting that happen."

My throat is tight as I nod, needing to pull myself together for the kid's sake. I made a promise. I can't let my emotions get in the way of saving him. If Dad could save Leia and I from them at their height then I can save the kid from them now.

"Her room's this way, come on," Han says to Din who helps me back to my feet, all but keeping me standing as I'm guided down the hall into a room I haven't visited in over a year but is still intact.

He sits me down on the edge of the bed and the noise inside my head drowns out whatever words the two exchange but it ends in Din nodding his head and Han leaving, closing the door behind himself.

Din sighs as he comes over to me, there are many things he could say right now but instead he just takes me in his arms, holding me tight and cradling my head so gently the touch feels wrong while I have blood on my hands.

"Why did you stop me?" I ask and he slowly pulls away as I ramble in confusion. "You said you'd be by my side as I took whatever vengeance I wanted so why did you stop me?"

"Because vengeance is one thing," he says, his demeanour suddenly changing. "Losing your mind is another."

"What difference does it make what state my mind is in?" I ask defensively and he slowly steps away, that simple action filling me with a fear I've never had before with him. "Din?"

"You need to rest."

His words go utterly ignored as I repeat. "Why did you stop me?"

"Because you weren't going to go through with it and we don't have time for this," he says roughly, unable to even look at me. "If you aren't up for this stay here, I'll go get the kid back."

"Excuse me?" I breathe, taken completely aback. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"Rest," he says before he goes to leave. "We'll talk in the morning."

He opens the door but jumps as I use the force to slam it shut and get to my feet. "No, we won't talk in the morning, we'll talk now."

He shakes his head at me. "We aren't doing this now."

"Do what now?" I repeat, not understanding what's going on, and exclaim "Why are you acting like this?"

The words that leave his mouth next shock me "Do you still love him?"

Never before has silence been so heavy as I look at him, unable to believe the question he's asking, but he's deadly serious as I look at the blood on my hands and back to him.

"I just cut his throat and that's the question you're asking me?"

I expect him to backtrack, to clarify, to do anything but double down. "He told me love and hate are the same for you."

I scoff now, not backing down as I size up to him. "So while I was dying he chose to give some grand speech about what we were?"

His answer is short with no elaboration. "Yes."

I look at him now in utter disbelief. "Are you truly asking me if I still love him?"

His voice is thick with pain. "Do you?"

My moment of hesitation is all it takes for him to walk to the door. "Din!" He only stops when I run forward and grab his wrist to keep him from leaving. "If you think I love him why didn't you just let me kill him?"

"If I didn't stop you the others would have tried, and I was the only one wearing beskar," he answers coldly. "Besides, you were taking too long."

"Taking too long?" I repeat, my composure already long gone. "What part of that show convinced you I'm somehow still in love with him!"

"Because I knew it from the moment I met you on Tatooine," he reveals. "You were there with unfinished business after all."

"I was there to kill him," I slowly remind him.

"And would you have gone through with it?" he asks me, but he already knows the answer, and unfortunately so do I. "I knew then that no matter how much you hated him, you still loved him. I knew it all along, I just refused to believe it."

Tears fill my eyes now as I look at him, the man I love more than I ever loved Boba. "Din-"

"If you love him I won't stand in your way," he says as if he's resigned himself to that before I can even open my mouth. "If you leave I won't hate you for it."

Standing here now only one of us is prepared to leave with grace and my heart is breaking at the realisation I found the selfless love I spent my life searching for, and that I've ruined it.

"What did he tell you?" I demand to know, except I'm nowhere near prepared for his answer.

"Nothing that wasn't true."

My chest tightens knowing every awful accusation Boba could ever hold against me, knowing there is truth in all of them. That I'm a hypocrite, that I ruin the people I love, that all I've ever done is run. That Mandalore was destroyed because of me.

Despite those words, I love Din too much to let my bloody hands stain his own, no matter how much blood they already may be dripping in. My father would be disappointed if he lived to see what his little girl became, and my mother... she would be horrified.

"Alright," I say, challenging him as much as myself. "If you believe whatever he told you then go."

But he doesn't.

"He told me that the first thing you would do was try to kill him, but that you wouldn't go through with it, among other things," he says and I open my mouth but find no counter argument. "But that doesn't mean I'm walking away." He leaves me stunned into silence as he removes his gloves to take my bloody hands in his own. "He told me to run, that no man escapes from you unscathed."

"It's the truth," I state, unable to hide from it now. Not with every man I've ever been with in the same cursed city. "You should run."

He just tilts his helmet down and shakes his head. "When have you ever known me to run?"

I swallow hard, finding his feelings still resolute but only find myself confused. "Then why are you-"

"Because he was wrong about one thing," he continues, looking down at our joined hands, both trembling. "I know you, and since the moment I met you on Tatooine you have been the light of my life. You and Grogu." His voice breaks slightly. "I never knew it was possible to love like this, to want to be more than a clan of two, not until you."

Tears blur my vision as I begin again "Din-"

"But it's not my heart in question," he says and at those words I'm slowly pulling away, not knowing how I can make him see what he refuses to. "Kyra."

"I love you Din, you know that," I say, and he gives a slight tilt of his helmet at my attempted deflections. "Nothing else matters."

"It does matter," he insists, gravel in his voice and for the first time asks for information, not out safety, but for his own assurance. "How long were you with him?"

"Four years," I answer stiffly, having downplayed it in our previous conversations but I can hardly do that now. "On and off from after the destruction of the first Death Star to just before the destruction of the second."

There's silence before he says "You were pregnant with his child?"

I find myself blinking away tears, feeling the tip of Boba's blaster pressing into my stomach the night Jabba gave me to him on Tatooine. The night he confronted me over the supposed crime he selfishly believed I'd committed against him. Knowing if I'd been given a choice in the matter the result would have been the same I let him believe it was my choice to end the pregnancy instead of the nightmare I'd lived. It was the first time I thought he might actually kill me. I wanted him to, but he still couldn't do it.

But for a moment...

I look at Din now, realising this doubt is coming from somewhere. That more was said while I was unconscious than I can begin to theorise, but I have inklings. Although I know only one man would have told him the truth whilst still respecting my name.

"Lando told you what he saw didn't he?" I ask, vaguely remembering Lando having been with Leia when she found me in that cell. Lando tried to mention it once and only once to me after we'd begun sleeping together, he never tried again.

Din gives a single nod. "He told me you kept saying that you didn't know."

I was raised to hold my mother's moderate beliefs in contrast to those held by Mandalorians such as Din and realise neither of us have spoken about such sensitive matters. Neither did Boba and I but it seems he's made his thoughts on it hypocritically clear despite the blood on his hands. Although I suppose the blood of innocents would only begin to matter to him when it's own.

However, I sense only pain from Din rather than judgement. My memories of what happened at the seeing stone and up to now blurred, but the memories of that final night with Boba when I discovered he knew... those are crystal clear. I'd told Din bits and pieces when it was important, but not the worst of them.

"In Boba's grand speech did he ever tell you about that night at Jabba's palace?" I ask him. He gives no answer but there's enough recognition that something must have been mentioned. "Let me guess, I was sadistic nymphomaniac who decided to sleep with him one last time after trying to kill him because I was so sickeningly in love with him?"

He still doesn't speak, I'd almost forgotten how silent he could be, but still I continue.

"Jabba stripped me down and put me in chains before giving me to Boba as a reward." I find myself hesitating, telling him what I could never bring myself to ever willingly recall let alone speak of. I'd told Din Boba let me scream and beat him until I grew weak, but it wasn't the whole truth. "He put a blaster to my stomach and told me I'd robbed him of his chance to be a good man and a father. I was half convinced he was going to kill me, I wanted him to kill me, so I let him believe whatever hurt him the most as he choked me until I could barely breathe, but the coward still couldn't go through with it."

I'd reached for his blaster only for him to grab me, chained and almost naked, and the pure hate in his voice was worse than anything he could do to me as he pinned my wrists to the wall. "You took my chance to be a good man from me, to be a father-"

Tears burned in my eyes and I realised the greatest cruelty I could inflict upon him was to let him believe whatever Vader told him and I stopped fighting then as I looked him in the eye. "And I would do it again."

He held me by the throat and I watched seething as he dragged his blaster along my exposed body, the same blaster he'd used countless times to do such degrading things to me, and I didn't look away as he pressed it into my stomach.

He was deadly silent, finger over the trigger as I searched his cold eyes and felt the things he never learned to hide from a person like me. But something in them drove fear into my heart, the same obsessive hate that had consumed me for so long... it had consumed him as well.

"I know you Boba Fett," I told him, I might have been the only person in the galaxy who did, which is why I knew that even if he couldn't kill me he'd just as easily make me wish for death. "I know you love me."

His hand around my throat was a familiar feeling, a hold of dominance but never of pain. Never until then. Finally his fist closed around my throat but I hardly blinked as he held it tight to the point I strained for air, but not enough to bring me to the brink of unconsciousness. The cold metal of the blaster dug further into my lower stomach but I refused to remove either hand as my airways closed beneath his grip. As I searched his eyes I knew he still couldn't bring himself to stoop so low to have the woman he loves dead at his own hand, and somehow that made it worse. "Don't be a coward now, you could choke me to death and still would never come close to inflicting the pain Vader did."

"You were my target," he told me, digging the knife deeper with his words since he couldn't bring himself to do it physically. "From the moment you returned to the rebellion. You were my target when I dug you out of the rubble on Mandalore, every night together was all to get the information I was paid to bring to Vader, but you knew that didn't you?" I didn't give him an answer, I couldn't even give myself one as he tapped his blaster against my cheek as finally panic began to take over with every breath I struggled to take. "And you let me do it because you loved me."

I could have used the force to pull the trigger, to end this as I begged him to do half a year before. For my blood to be on his hands, the blood of the woman he loved. I would haunt him for the rest of his life as I knew he would haunt me for the rest of mine. It would have been cruelly poetic, but I was too bitter to die before seeing the end of the empire.

"How?" I finally asked him as I searched his heart and mind, finding such strong love twisted with darkness, finding the same in mine own heart and that darkness was what I could not forgive. The darkness that corrupted me came not from Vader, but from the man I loved. "How could you do this to someone you love?"

"This was never love," he told me, seeing what I couldn't but his heart- he could not hide it from me, not from a Jedi and I reached for his hand around my neck, my mind as sick as his when I believed it to be a loving touch.

"Liar," I breathed, smiling at the hate in his eyes, his lips hovering just above mine. "If it wasn't we would have killed each other a hundred times over by now."

He shook his head, and for the first time I saw remorse in his eyes. "You're insane."

"I'm only what you made me," I'd said, my mind still in pieces from the mindflayer and Vader's torture. Not even the medications that Leia shoved down my throat could even begin to repair the connections in my brain that had been destroyed. "This is what you wanted isn't it?"

He finally released me and stepped away before taking his cloak and wrapping it around my shoulders as he told me "All I ever wanted was to make you strong, to help you lead Mandalore into a new age." His hand was gentle on my face, barely able to comprehend the depth of what had been done to tear my mind apart. "You're a broken woman Kyra. A shell of the Mand'alor who'd liberated Mandalore from the Empire."

"Yes," I said, anger replacing the grief at what had been taken from me. "I am."

I feel Din's hand on my face now, his touch just as gentle, just as concerned, and his voice turns to something dangerous. "You told me he never laid a hand on you."

"He never truly hurt me that way," I still insist, the kinder memories I'd blocked out resurfacing. "He could never bring himself to do it."

"You just said he choked you," Din states, leaving no room for me to try to excuse it as anything else. "You'd said he wasn't that type of man."

My throat's tight as I try to rationalise "He wanted to make me strong, to teach me to fight back. He always thought I was weak, certainly too weak to rule Mandalore, and he was right."

"Kyra," Din immediately begins to argue and I raise a hand to quieten him.

"You never even knew other Mandalorians existed, you can't speak to my competency as a ruler," I mean to state factually, but the bite is there, the unintended insult to him and his creed.

"You're right," he throws back curtly as he removes his hand from my cheek, voice thick with frustration. "It seems all I've done is learn how little I know."

And again I find myself wondering what the hell Boba said to him to leave him like this. Boba is the one person who has seen the absolute worst of me so there is no limit to the truth's he can use against me. But, the worst of me is only a fraction of the worst of him. If I told Din everything Boba had done he would be going to kill him without a second thought. If I asked him to I know he would, and yet the thought pains me.

"Alright then," I say, seeing as we have enough time to air whatever this is out before Leia arrives for us to formulate a plan and decide to spit it all out if Din truly believes what he does. "What do you want to know Din? Because if you think I have any warmth left in my heart for that man how about I tell you how the first time I'd ever kissed a man was mere minutes before he wrapped his hand around my throat and fucked me while telling me the Mand'alor could handle a little pain when I cried out?"

Din's head snaps back towards me and I certainly have his attention, along with a cold, violent, anger that I've rarely felt from him, remnants of the man he was before Grogu.

"But as you heard him say, I wanted it, or at least I thought I did until it ended and realised I was never in control," I continue, knowing he's likely heard some reiteration of me being a heartless sex addict from Boba's recollections. "Or how about I tell you about when I decided to take a battalion of Mandalorians to fight for the Rebellion and my second in command shot him because she thought he was going to kill me for being a 'stupid fucking little girl who would make her mothers mistakes.' Although unfortunately not fatally." Even now I remember Sabine's face when she walked into my office at the wrong moment and saw him grab me by the throat as he spat that along with other insults in my face. "Or how about when Darth Vader even showed disgust for the way his brother's daughter had been treated despite torturing me at that very same moment." That holds the greatest irony in my mind even now. "If I were to tell you everything that had transpired over those years that brought me to the scene you just witnessed we'd be here for days."

"And you still love him?" Din says, not an accusation as before, but now of statement of pure concern and just like that I'm seeing those final days in my relationship with Lando beginning to unfold again when I thought that would never happen with Din.

And so I finally confess the truth I've refused to accept. "Maybe when I met you I still loved him." I force myself to be brutally honest because that is what I owe him. "Maybe I still do."

I could stop there, I could be merciful and let him believe that I love Boba more than I could ever love him. When I walked away from Lando it was the cold hard truth that I loved Boba more than anything we'd built, but that isn't true for Din. He and everything we've built is worth more to me than whatever sick attachment I forged with Boba in those painful years. Din showed me what love is meant to be, what it can be, and I refuse to let that go.

"For each time he betrayed me he's also saved me, even now as much as I hate it, and you're right, I never could bring myself to kill him as much as I want to. I never thought I could ever love anyone like that again, and I won't and I'd never want to," I tell him, feeling the blood sticking to my hands as I take his in mine once again. "Because I never knew I could love anyone how I love you."

Still he refuses to believe it, that he is the one I love truly and I anticipate his words. "Then why act like-"

"Because he brought the Empire to us!" I exclaim in pure exasperation. "For every crime he can be acquitted of he's guilty of a thousand others and I know he had a part in this!"

He sighs deeply and grits out "You aren't thinking clearly in this state of mind."

"And what state of mind would that be?"

He pauses at the challenge in my voice and hesitates before reluctantly answering "You're hysterical."

"Hysterical?" I repeat, having heard my mother been called that a thousand times and snatch my hands away. "Of course I'm hysterical, the kid is gone! I'm surprised you're not hysterical, maybe if you were you'd understand-"

"Understand what?" he argues. "Our child is taken and the first thing you do upon waking up, upon seeing my face, is to go chase him down-"

"I wake up after getting hit by a fucking missile, not knowing where I am or what's happened and I still don't!" I yell, pleading for him to understand. "The kid is gone and he's there, that's all I need for my head to tell me he was responsible so call me hysterical for torturing him to find where they've taken him!"

"We don't have time for this!" he yells, raising his voice more than he ever has towards me and the rawness of his voice quickly reels me back in and he immediately lowers it to a desperate plea. "We need to find him."

"Leia is on her way and when she comes I'll use her resources to locate Gideon," I promise him, trying to put my emotions aside to think clearly, to diffuse this before it escalates further. "She heads the defence council, she has access to intel we don't. I'm close to another General who had a son with a Jedi. Gideon's targeting force sensitive for his experiments, her and Leia both have sons with those abilities and they won't let Gideon live long enough to touch theirs."

That seems to calm him enough and he asks "How long-"

"Twelve hours, she should arrive tomorrow morning," I estimate, knowing Leia will come as soon as possible and that Din works best with parameters. "I have the resources to find him, but in the meantime-" Against my better judgement I reach for his hands again, knowing we cannot find Grogu if we're at each other's throats like this, forcing myself to put aside my own frustration and pain and to try to compose myself. "I know I'm out of my mind right now okay but I love you and I need you to trust me so we can get through this," I whisper but he doesn't say anything, nor does he move away, and I'm too out of it to read him so I just plead "Please Din."

He looks down at our hands, squeezing mine tight and I hear the tears in the shaky breath he takes before saying " "I- I thought you were dead Kyra, I- do you think I wasn't begging you to wake up the entire flight here? Do you think I wasn't scared out of my mind for the first time since I lost my parents?" My throat tightens and I look down with cold tears wetting my cheeks. "I thought my entire world had been destroyed in a second, I- I felt like I was losing my mind with very second that passed when I didn't know if you'd live or die."

"Din," I whisper, aching to take him in my arms but something keeps me frozen in place knowing that I'm the source of his pain. Something I've never wanted to be.

"I know I've been harsh and I'm sorry, I just-" he's quiet for a moment, treating carefully. "The mind flayer," he quakes, having held me through the nightmares that have come of that. "You never told me."

"I spent five years putting my mind back together," I say hoarsely, for a short while having thought I had if such a thing is possible. "It seems I still have some work to do."

"I know you're in pain, and I love you- more than almost anything," he says, his voice as gentle as he can make it with the fear pounding through our chests. "Which means one of us has to keep it together for the sake of the kid and if you aren't up to this I'll find him myself."

"You're right," I quickly agree, forcing myself to bring myself back from that edge, to be better than this. To be more than the mess I was years ago and think strategy. "You're right and I'm sorry and when Leia gets here we will use her contacts to find out where Gideon is."

"Thank you," he says, and we could leave it there, but it feels as if I let go of his hand and watch him walk out that door I'll never be able to salvage this and so while choking on tears I can't fight back I make one final plea to him. "You can believe me or not when I say I love you, but I will not walk away from the child I've sworn to protect. Our child."

"Kyra," he says quietly, voice filled with pain.

"I need you to trust me when I tell you that I'm in love with you," I breathe through the tears. "That I will do whatever it takes to get him back."

"I trust you," he tells me but still it does little to ease his heart. If I was calmer, if I had my composure I'd leave it there for the sake of peace but I can't and so I take his helmet in between my hands. "Cyar'ika"

I don't go to remove it, but I need him to look at me as I tell him in no uncertain words "If you think I love Boba Fett more than you then I will go kill him without hesitation, or if you want to do it yourself you can go ahead and do it. I won't stop you."

"I might be a bounty hunter," he begins. "I might want to tear him apart after the things he'd said and done, but I wouldn't hurt anyone you loved."

I blink through the tears, because it wasn't love, I can see that now.

"And Din Djarin that is why I will always love you more than I ever loved him. Love and hate were always the same to me but not anymore. You taught me it's not." He pulls me in closer now as I bare my heart to him. "I never planned to fall in love with you Din, I tried not to but I couldn't stop it." I bring his forehead down to mine as I tell him "When they- when they put me through that mindflayer it scrambled all the wires in my head to make me believe this could never be possible, but it is. You showed me that and I made a choice not just to love you, but to choose you over fear, over anything else so please believe me when I tell you you are the only person I want, the only person I need, and if you let me I will choose you every day for the rest of our lives."

He gently pulls my hands away from his helmet and I shut my eyes in pain, only to hear it being placed aside and feel his lips on my forehead as he holds me to him. "I believe you." Tears spill down my cheeks and he tells me "Open your eyes cyar'ika."

I do, and this time I look upon him how I should have before and again find tears in his beautiful dark eyes, equal pain and adoration etched across the handsome and worn face of a hardworking man who possesses a rare heart. Wiping a tear from the corner of his eye I hold his face, looking into those brown eyes as I tell him in no uncertain words "I love you Din Djarin and I swear to you that we will take our son back and when we do we will say our vows to him and adopt him, and then we will say our vows to each other."

His emotions are written so clearly across his face, having never learned or had need to control them, and yet I can't help but gasp as his lips meet mine. It's a mixture of pure pain and desperation, of love and the fear of loss. Everything a Jedi should never feel.

But as we slowly remove the beskar from one another nothing else matters to me, not when I'm safe in the hands of the man who has never wronged me, who would sooner cut his hand off before laying it on me or betraying me. The man I trust completely, love completely.

As I search his eyes I know with no doubts that he shares that love just as deeply, and he tells me so as he lays me down and takes me in his arms. Making love as if that could heal our pain, but our fight has only just begun.

And I know as Din captures my lips and grasps my bloody hand in his that he will be by my side as we unleash hell upon Moff Gideon and in whatever may come.

#din djarin fanfiction #the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian x oc #din djarin x oc #din djarin x original character #galacticwildfire #found.#the mandalorian x original character #Din djarin fanfic #the mandalorian fanfic #boba fett x oc

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btsmakesmehappy · 4 years

Text

Sweet Scent | 4

Genre: Agent au. Colleague au. Mutual pining. Angst with Fluff at the end

Pairing: Agent!Jungkook x Forensic Doctor!reader

Word Count: 10k

Rating: 18+ (M)

Warning: reader feels a little insecure. reader is held on a gun point. (Not too explicit) violence. Guns. Reader and JK are hurt. Angsty with fluffly ending. I think it’s all? (Please tell me if I miss something!)

Chapter: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | completed

Summary: Why does he always look so nervous in front of you? Is it because of your excessive flirting? But how come you don’t tease him when he looks so incredibly cute every time he blushes?

Series Masterlist: The Company

A/N: Thank you for @arizonapoppy for betareading mine. You’re the best! Also the next part (sequel/drabble) will be posted next year just so the timeline makes more sense. So the next update will be the other member <3 Hope you enjoy!

Send an ASK if you want to be added in the taglist!

A knock on the door made you turn your head in confusion. You’re not expecting anyone right now. It’s almost nine o’clock in the night, and the building should be emptied by now, it’s past the office-hours.

Maybe a new case?

With the thought of that, your smile was beaming. You rose from the chair quickly and walked to the door. It’s the person behind the door that made you thank God that you decided to stay late at the Company.

Jeon Jungkook.

It’s been a month since you saw him in the firing range. You’re hoping to meet him again somewhere in the building, especially the cafeteria (because there is some information that you’d find him there), but you’ve never got the chance. The funniest thing was the other colleagues always found him there, except you. It’s just like destiny didn’t want you to meet him.

You believed in destiny. You believed in the universe.

You believed in the fall-in-love -at-the-first-sight. You believed in there’s sparks when you grazed someone's hand. You believed in the fallen books when you bumped the one in the corner of the street. You believed in the stranger sitting beside you on the plane while you’re travelling.

But unluckily for you, that’s never happened.

Still, you tried to believe in destiny, hoping to get some of it in your life.

After a month sitting in the cafeteria, waiting to bump a certain someone there, you’re getting tired of waiting for destiny. Well, even though you’d met him, would you still call it destiny? Weren’t you forcing it?

Which is why, it’s so weird how the universe just sent him to you that day. The day when you skipped washing your hair for the four days because you overslept and you’d tie it into a bun anyway. The day when your eyebrow pencil suddenly went missing. The day when you ate tomato pasta and dropped it on your shirt, leaving your white shirt with a huge red stain on the chest.

Why should it be that day?

Maybe the universe hated you.

“Y/N, right?”

His voice rang like a church bell, ringing through your ears and shaking your entire body. It’s almost magical that he sounded like an angel, and you longed him.

You couldn’t remember how long you looked at him, as his face turned red and uncomfortable. “He-Hello?” He timidly asked.

You shook your head quickly, “Ah, sorry. What can I do for you?” You opened the door widely as you gestured to him to come inside.

But Jungkook stayed in his spot, outside the doorway. He lowered his head to look at the paper in his hand, refusing to look at your eyes. “I need a report from the Ahn case.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, leaning to the door frame. “About that, I don’t think it will be done by tomorrow. As you know Doctor Lee is still sick, so there’s no one to finalize the report.”

Jungkook bites his lips and sighed. “Yeah, I heard. Can you just- you know what, nevermind. Thank you.”

He bowed to you slightly and walked away. Even his body was that bulky, you could see how tired he was from behind. And somehow it hit a soft spot in your heart.

And maybe, you just wanted to be with him.

“Hey!” You yelled, he turned his back to you in confusion. “Do you want to see the report for a bit?”

Three days.

Three days you rejected every call from Jungkook. Three days you ignored all the knocks at the door from him. Three days you deleted all the messages he sent without even reading them. Three days.

And by Friday, you’re back to work, only because your days off are over. And unfortunately for you, Jungkook knows it too. It’s about time for you two to meet each other. It’s about time for you to stop avoiding him.

So, on that same day, you wake earlier than usual, leaving your apartment earlier than usual, but still go to work as late as you can. You hide at the bakery near the Company, eating a chocolate croissant, drawing it out by pulling it into flakey pieces, procrastinating.

You still can’t meet him yet. You don’t want to.

You walk as fast as you can to the elevator when you arrive at the Company. You look left and right as you tap your foot impatiently, waiting for the elevator. This elevator is taking so long.

“Y/N!”

You tense as you hear your name, looking timidly to the source of the voice. Please don’t be Jungkook, please. And when you look at the man standing behind you, you sigh in relief. “Hey, Jimin. What’s up?”

“How are you doing? Why do you look so pale? See a ghost?” Jimin asks while resting his arm on your shoulder.

You laugh awkwardly. “Ah really? Maybe just from the lack of sleep.”

He looks at you weirdly. “You literally had days off, why did you have a lack of sleep?”

You clear your throat, there is no way you would tell him about what happened and how it bothered your sleep so much. How his best friend and colleague is the reason for your tiredness. “Just some Netflix. Catching some dramas.”

“Really? What drama did you watch?” He asks excitedly.

“Uhh. Itaewon Class?” You let it slip your mouth. You don’t even know what the drama is about, only heard the title from Sehun a week ago.

Jimin looks at you with widened eyes and takes a step backward. “Well, I shouldn’t be too close with you then. I don’t want to be spoiled. I haven’t watched all of the episodes.”

You smile. “Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t.” In the corner of your eyes you can see a familiar man walking to both of you, a man that you want to avoid. Somehow in the middle of a busy lobby, your eyes were still drawn to Jungkook. He still doesn’t see you, which is good news. Checking the elevator, you hiss softly because it is still on the eleventh floor. Too long. “Anyway, I’m gonna have a call first. See you later!” You walk away from Jimin, without spending another glance. You need to get out of there, fast.

You still can’t see him yet.

Lucky for you, you decided to wear sneakers today. At least you can run four flights of stairs without being afraid of sprained ankles.

“Hey Kook!” Jimin calls and waves excitedly. “Overslept?”

Jungkook smiles weakly. “You can say that.” Lie. In fact, he woke up earlier than usual and he went to your apartment, and after two hours of waiting in front of your apartment like a persistent stalker, he finally realized that you’d already left the apartment. But Jimin doesn’t need to know that.

Jimin nods in understanding. “Oh, you know who’s come back to the Company? Y/N! Apparently her days off have ended. Actually, she was here just now.”

“Really?” Jungkook asks with widened eyes. “Where is she now?”

Jungkook’s reaction catches Jimin off-guard. The way Jungkook finally shows some interests in you, makes Jimin happy. “Well.. She said that she’s calling someone. You know, since you can’t have a phone call inside the elevator. But I don’t know where she is.”

Jungkook looks around him, but he still can’t find you. A thought drifts into his head, that you saw him and still didn’t want to meet him. And with that thought, he feels a stab in his heart.

Jungkook, you’re so stupid. You’re drunk stupid.

He wants to hit himself. Oh, he would if he can, especially in front of you. Not that he wants to show off or something, he just wants you to know how terrible and bad he feels about what he’s done. He even swore himself that he won’t get drunk ever again.

You stupid drunk jerk.

Even if you wanted to see him, what should he say? He hasn’t thought about it, and yet he called, messaged, and came to your apartment for three days in desperation.

“Kook?” Jimin asks warily. “Are you okay?”

Jungkook shakes his head. “Ah. yes. I’m okay.”

Jimin sends a mischievous smile to Jungkook. “You want to run after Y/N, don’t you?” he asks as the elevator finally arrives at their floor.

Jungkook looks at his feet and decides to step into the elevator. If she still doesn’t want to see me, there’s no point for me to force her. “Nah. I don’t want to.”

Lie.

How he wants to see you so much. So damn much it’s hurting him.

“Well-well, who’s there?” Sehun turns his chair to see you, still controlling your breath in front of the door. ”Why are you out of breath?”

“Stairs.” You roll your eyes as you wipe the beads of sweat forming on your forehead. You really need to work out sometimes, not just sitting and living a sedentary lifestyle.

He raises one of his eyebrows. “The elevator is broken?”

You shake your head weakly and sit on your chair. “Just need a little exercise.”

Sehun squints at your face and hums, realizing something is not right about you. “How are you? Okay?”

You nod and sigh. “Yeah.” You send him a weak smile. You look at your desk, it’s clean but you can still see the horrible image burned in your mind. It’s kinda hard for you to just delete it from your memory. Besides, it happened less than a week ago.

“Oh, I also finished your report. I was thinking that at least we should send an actual report, even though the investigation fell apart. What do you think?”

“What? I’m sorry. What are we talking about?” you ask, looking lost.

Sehun sends an assuring smile. “This report. We should send it to the agents. Don’t you think?”

You fiddle the corner of your shirt. “Yeah, I think we should.”

“You want to give it to them?” Sehun asks again. You bite your lips, your mind wanders. Seeing your sudden silence, Sehun rises from his seat and taps your shoulder lightly. “Actually, just stay here. I’ll take it to them.”

You watch his back disappearing from your sight. Again, you’re alone in this office. This office, your second home, but you barely feel comfortable sitting here. The scent of coffee you usually make every day is absent, since Sehun never drinks coffee in the office. You only detect the lemon scent from the air refresher in the corner. It’s supposed to be relaxing but instead, it makes your heart beat rapidly.

You feel sad.

Jungkook sighs again at his desk for God knows how many times. And everytime he sighs, it is just getting louder.

It begins to irritate the other agents around him. Especially since they haven’t been assigned to another case yet. To them, The Case of The Young Man in Distress, is their new case, and it somehow excites them.

Hoseok steals a glance at Taehyung and Jimin, sending signals right then and there. After they nod, they roll their chairs closer to Jungkook’s desk. “What’s up with you, Kook?” Hoseok starts.

Jungkook stares at the screen of his laptop, hands continually moving his mouse without any intention. “I’m fine.”

Taehyung snorts. “No, you’re not. Tell us what happened.”

“I’m fineeee.”

The older men share another look between them, they all look so concerned about Jungkook, but what can they do if Jungkook shuts his own mouth, let alone his feelings?

Jimin notices that their office door is open and yells deliberately loud. “Oh. Here’s our favorite forensic doctor!” It makes Jungkook flinch and Jimin sees Jungkook trying to steal a glance at the door and takes a deep sigh. “Our Sehun-ie. What can we do for you?”

“Just delivering some reports.” Sehun looks at the agents crowding Jungkook’s desk and points directly to Jungkook. “What’s wrong with him?” The agents shrug simultaneously.

“We are trying to find out. Wanna join?” Hoseok pulls another chair beside him, tapping the seat, gesturing to him to sit.

Sehun throws the report on the desk. “I want to. But I also need to find out what happened to my staff too.” Sehun turns his back and waves to them over his shoulder. “She looks troubled and unfocussed. Bad day, I think. See you, then.”

With the sudden drop of information, the three of them look at Jungkook’s reaction, who freezes in his seat. Something must have happened with the two of you.

Jimin asks cautiously. “Did something happen with Y/N?”

“Maybe on the day when you went missing after drinking with Yoongi?” Taehyung adds, which makes the older guys look at him questioningly. “Yoongi-hyung told me.”

Jungkook doesn’t answer, instead he sighs and runs his hand through his hair in exasperation. The other agents know that they hit a sore spot. He bites his lips, hesitant to talk to them, but on the other hand, he doesn’t know what to do. Everything he chose seems like a wrong choice. Everything he does seems to push you away even further. “I-I just don’t know what I should do, Hyung.”

Hoseok pats Jungkook’s shoulder softly. “Tell us in detail. We’ll help you.”

And just like that, everything opened in public, well, to his best friends. How his heart feels weird whenever he sees you. How his heart ached when he saw you hurt. How you looked so weak and pained and disappointed when he took you home. How he went to your apartment drunk. How he wanted to apologize to you. How he kissed you drunk and how you pushed him back. How his heart crashed when he saw you cry, sobbing on the floor.

They listen to his story carefully, patting his shoulder several times when he looks like he’s going to burst into tears.

“And now, she doesn’t want to see me. I’ve been trying for three days.”

The silence falls in the room, it is interrupted when Jimin hits Jungkook’s head lightly. “Aigoo, you are an adult now. Stupid, but still, I’m just so proud of how you grew this fast.” Jimin smiles and hugs Jungkook lightly.

Jungkook whines. “Hyung, that’s not the point. What should I do?”

Taehyung suddenly raises his hand in the air. “Wait a minute, if Y/N really likes Jungkook, why did she push him away like that?”

“Well, y’know,” Jimin rolls his eyes, “you didn’t exactly get her permission before you kissed her.”

Hoseok held his hand up, silencing Jimin and Taehyung. “She might have thought that you just did it out of guilt.” Hoseok says softly. “Or maybe a pity, just a mere responsibility.”

“What?” Jungkook looks at him weirdly.

Hoseok explains further, “You know like a novel, when you hit someone with a car, and he/she lost their ability to walk, so you just decide to be with them? Or remember when you spilled coffee on my report and you decided to write it yourself and also bought me a pair of sneakers?”

“But I didn’t do those things to her out of guilt.” He gulps. “I-I don’t hate her. I don’t even know why I did it.”

Jimin smiles again widely, his eyes turn into crescents. “Are you sure you don’t know? I know that deep down, you know it.”

“Just tell her sincerely then about what you don’t know.” Taehyung smiles and puts his hand on Jungkook’s head, ruffling his hair softly.

Jungkook sighs again. “She doesn’t want to see me.”

“If she really likes you, she’ll come around, Kook.” Hoseok smiles and hugs the younger man. “Now, go find her!”

Jungkook looks at him with widened eyes. “Like, now?”

“Of course, silly. The faster the better.” Jimin laughs. “Go!”

“I don’t know what to say to her, I don’t prepare anything.”

Taehyung looks at Jungkook in disbelief. “What do you want? A teleprompter? Just tell her your feelings, dumbass!”

Weirdly enough, Jungkook rises from his seat and takes off running, leaving his cubicle empty. “I thought you bet that Jungkook won’t end up with her, hyung?” Jimin teases.

Hoseok scratches the back of his neck and smiles. “The moment he told us what happened to him just showed who’s gonna win the bet. And besides, I just want him to be happy.”

Taehyung moves his chair back to his desk. “How about we change our bet to another topic then? We have plenty of subjects to bet about.”

You rack your brain, trying to find a place where you won’t meet Jungkook. And after mentally listing the places, you decided to hide in the infirmary. It’s unused and no one is gonna be there. So you can hide for a moment. Just like when you’re in high school, you fake a stomach ache, just so you can get some sleep or when you forgot to bring your math textbook.

Well, five minutes of sleep are considered a privilege then, as you hear the door opened.

You look from inside a curtain, trying to identify the man who just came in with a cart full of cleaning supplies. Cleaning service? The man quietly sweeps the floor skillfully, and you suddenly feel that you shouldn’t be there, as you’re just gonna disturb his job. Just as you open the curtain harshly, you tilt your head in confusion. “Jin?”

Jin looks at you in surprise, almost dropping the broom on his hand. “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“Resting,” you say with an awkward smile. “What are you doing here? What’s with the broom and the gloves?”

Jin sighs and turns away from you, continuing to sweep the floor. “Cleaning.”

“Do you do this every day?” It’s just so weird for such an elite agent doing some cleaning in this place. Especially, since the Company also hires a cleaning service.

“No. Just every few days. Since it’s not used, it doesn’t get dirty that fast. I just clean this room when the cleaning service has their day off.” Jin answers lightly as he picks a towel to wipe the surface of the table.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just my hobby,” Jin pauses and looks at the white wall. “or maybe I just hope that she’ll come back. You know right that she hates dust?” He laughs awkwardly. He clears his throat and looks at you warily. “Are-are you still in touch with her?”

“No.” You look at him quietly, somehow you can see his pain from his wide shoulder. It’s been a few years, but Jin is still hung up on her, still missing her. “Are you okay?” you ask cautiously.

Jin scoffs and walks away again, wiping the cabinet this time, “why? Do I look pathetic?”

You shake your head softly. “No. But you look broken-hearted.”

He turns his head to face you, looking into your eyes. “Well, so do you.”

Your jaw clenches, like how he hit your spot correctly. Tears threaten to fall down and you try to stop it by biting your lips. At the moment, you feel weaker and sad. You sigh and look at your feet. “What’s new?” you laugh dryly.

Jin puts away his supplies and removes his gloves as he walks to you, and plops on the bed beside you. “What happened?” he asks.

“I don’t know. I was just thinking that mayb-”

“Alright, I’m gonna stop you right there. You’re not thinking. It’s an assumption.”

You look at him in disbelief. “Wh-what?”

He sighs, “Whatever your problem was, and whoever he was, you’re overthinking this.”

“You don’t even know what the problem is.”

“I don’t. But I believe that you need to talk to him regardless of what the problem is, not talk to your mind, making assumptions. You know, the key to a healthy relationship is communication, and it applies to every relationship. Business, family, or even Love.” Jin sends you a smile. “Just talk to him. The misunderstanding won’t solve itself.”

You sigh again. “What if it doesn’t work? What if it’s not a misunderstanding but a mistake?”

“Then talk a little more. Apologize if you need to. Forgive if you still want to be with him.” Jin stops, and swallows slowly. His voice cracks. “Fight for it, if it is worth fighting for, until you can’t fight anymore. Until you don’t have any regrets.”

You look at him carefully. You’ve never talked to him ever since you worked in the Company, let alone seeing his eyes like this. But now, you can see how he’s deep in pain. And you understand what he talked about. His experience. The thoughts of what he should have done before. The choices he regrets now.

You hop from the bed and walk to the door. “Thank you. I’ll try.” As you walk closer to the door, you turn to face him again. “She must have a reason, Jin. I don’t know what it was, but she would never hurt you.”

“I know.” Jin answers quickly. He darts his eyes away from you so that he can hide his watering eyes, and smiles. “So does Jungkook.”

I know.

You walk out from the elevator, squeezing your body from the others inside. It’s lunch time already, and you’re lucky enough that you can slip into the crowded elevator.

Seventh floor is quiet, but not as deserted as the last time you went there. You look around you, hoping to see a particular person. The one you need to see. The one you miss.

You sigh, heart thumping inside your chest. You’re not gonna lie that you’re nervous, and that’s not because of the thought of seeing Jungkook again. It’s the thought, an assumption, of what he’s gonna say. You’re afraid of hearing his reason, afraid that it’ll break your heart even more.

A little part of you tells you that it’s better this way, and just move on. But you realize, playing hide and seek with him won’t solve any problem. It will just hurt you, or both of you. If you need to move on from him, at least there’s no loose ends. And Jungkook deserves a chance to explain everything to you, in person.

“Y/N?”

You turn your head to the man calling you and sigh disappointedly. “Oh, hey Yoongi.”

Yoongi laughs a little. “Why do you always bump into me when you’re looking for Jungkook?” Yoongi looks more professional since the last time you met him, maybe because he’s sober right now, or because he wears a neat suit instead of his black hoodie.

You smile, feeling embarrassed that you’ve been found out. “How do you know that I’m looking for him?”

He shrugs, “nah, I just feel that there’s something about you two that needs to be finished.”

“Oh. I see.” You divert your gaze from him, “So, where can I find him?”

“Unfortunately, I don’t know. I just came here.” He stretches his pale arms and continues, “y’know, overslept. Actually, maybe Jungkook is in the training room. He usually trains himself when he feels stressed about something.”

Your jaw clenches with the sudden information, forcing yourself to smile once more. “Thank you, I’ll get going then.”

You nod and walk again to the elevator, just the moment it arrives. When you’re inside the elevator, Yoongi yells to you, “He feels bad, Y/N---” You can only hear a snatch from him as the door closes, stopping you from hearing the full sentence.

I know.

You’ve been pacing the corridor for almost fifteen minutes, staring at the men’s locker room door. You perk your head to the door, every time it opens. And every time you do it, you’re left with another disappointment. Not to mention, all of the other male agents stare at a suspicious woman who’s lurking in front of a locker room.

Except one agent.

“Doctor Y/N?”

You’re leaning on the wall while massaging your calves. You squint in order to see the man approaching you better. “Kim Namjoon?”

Namjoon pauses in front of you, sending a warm smile. He’s drying his hair with the towel and his other hand holds a gym bag. “Yes, I don’t think I’ve introduced myself properly to you. Please just call me Namjoon.” He drops his bag to the ground clumsily, making some of his things flow out from the unzippered bag, reaching out his hand to shake yours. “I’m afraid that Jungkook is not here.”

Your eyes widen. “Ho-how do you know that I’m looking for him?”

He laughs and drops to one knee to gather his fallen things. “Just a little guess. A little bird told me that you’ve been working with him, so, yeah, I just thought that it might be a work thing.”

“Have you seen him anywhere then?” you sigh.

“I’m afraid not, Doc. I’ve been in the training room since dawn, haven’t seen him anywhere near here.” Namjoon smiles apologetically as he hangs his bag over his shoulder. “Have you checked the pool? He’s been wanting to practice diving since our last mission in Hawaii.”

You shake your head softly. “I haven’t, I’m gonna check there then. Thank you.”

“Anytime, Doc. You see, Jungkook is sometimes a little hard to talk to, looks distant, shy, and confused, maybe because he joined us at such an early age, but he is a nice guy.” Namjoon laughs again as he walks away from you, leaving you standing alone in the corridor.

I know.

Jungkook walks quickly to your office as soon as the elevator opens on your floor. He still doesn’t know what to say, but he just can’t let you escape him, avoid him again. He will use everything he’s got to at least explain a thing or two to you, and if the universe accedes, maybe he can tell you a little part of his feelings. Or maybe more.

Just one step at a time, Jungkook. You can do this.

It’s weird how he feels more nervous right now than when he goes to a mission. Usually he can just barge through any door without feeling any fear, but right now? He can feel how his heart almost bursts inside his chest. Is that because he doesn’t have his gun with him? Or is it because you are on the other side of the door?

He sighs. He doesn’t know anymore.

Maybe it is because he doesn’t know anything that is going to happen when he opens the door. Maybe it is because his brain can’t work for another plan B if his original plan fails. Maybe it is because it is a do or die for him, sounds a little extreme, but actually this is maybe the last chance for him to let his feelings take control of him.

Mustering all of his courage, he knocks the door and opens it slowly. “Excuse me?”

A chair suddenly rolls from the desk. “Hey JK. What’re you doin’ here?” Sehun asks and looks at him quizzically. “Is there something wrong with the report?”

Jungkook shakes his head rapidly. “That’s not why I’m here.” He swallows dryly. “I’m looking for Y/N..”

“Y/N?” Sehun raises one of his eyebrows. “Funny you asked that. The fact is I haven’t seen her anywhere since I went to your office.”

“Really? Okay then, I’ll just search for her somewhere else.” Jungkook nods politely and walks to the door.

“Why don’t you just call her?” Sehun asks loudly.

Jungkook looks at him, and gives him a weak smile. Sehun doesn’t need to know that you’ve been avoiding Jungkook’s calls, right? “Thank you, I’ll try.”

After he closes the door, Jungkook walks to the stairwell next to him. With a sigh he sits on one of the stairs. He pulls his phone from his pocket, looking at it like it’s a foreign thing to him. His finger scrolls to the contacts and looks for your name.

There’s no specific thing to describe your name in his contact. And by specific, it means you aren’t saved in his contacts. The only thing that describes you is your phone number, which he memorizes already because of how much time he spent looking at it and how many times he tried to call you in the past few days.

He looks again in his contacts. It’s less than a dozen. The only contacts in his phone are his parents, his brother, and his best friends. That’s it.

He remembers when he received your message for the first time, he almost accidentally deleted it because he received it at the same time he received another spam message. Only God knows what would happen if he deleted it for real. Would you still get hurt? Would you still want to tease him? Would it still be the same?

Or would he still have this growing feeling inside him?

He sighs and then inputs your phone number, but before he dials it, he chooses another option.

Add to new contact.

Name: Y/N

Save?

Saved

Jungkook looks at his newly added contact and finally dials your number, hoping that you would accept it this time. Hoping that somehow his sincere feelings felt through the rings on your phone. Hoping that he can say the right things this time.

And after the seventh rings, the call went through.

Jungkook can finally hear your voice. “Hello, Y/N?” There’s a silence on the other end of the phone for a little while. It begins to make him more nervous. “Y/N?”

“Jungkook?” but it’s not your voice. It’s a familiar voice for him that he hears a lot.

Jungkook looks at the screen, makes sure he got the correct phone number. He furrows his eyebrow, confused at why you didn’t answer your own phone. “Jin-Hyung?”

“Right.” Jin laughs. “Y/N left her phone in the infirmary. She just went out to look for you.”

“Oh.” Jungkook sighs in relief. “Wh-what? She’s looking for me?”

“Yes, kid. God, I don’t know what your problem is to make both of you playing hide and seek in the middle of the day, but yes, she’s looking for you right now. But I don’t really know where she went.”

A little smile plastered on Jungkook’s face, somehow he feels a little happy that you finally decided to give him a chance to explain himself. And with only that fact, he won’t lose this chance. “Thanks Hyung! Talk to you later!”

“Yah-”

Jungkook hangs his phone up, and stands up immediately. But if he just walks around and looks for you in this big building, it is just a waste of time. There’s a fat chance that he won’t meet you at all, and in this crucial time for him, he can’t rely on fate alone.

So, he taps his phone again, scrolling to find a chatting platform that he rarely uses, and looks for a group chat with his best friends, typing quickly and hits the send button. This time he’s gonna rely on his friends.

Jungkook 00.23 PM: Have you seen Y/N?

You open the heavy door to the pool area with an afraid look on your face. What if Jungkook suddenly appears before you? What would you do? What would you say? What if he doesn’t want to see you?

But luckily (or unlucky for you), there’s no one in the pool. Everyone must be taking their lunch time, leaving this place completely empty.

You sigh and walk around, deciding to look at this place a little more. Maybe, just maybe, Jungkook will suddenly pop out of nowhere, hugging you from behind like some of the rom-com movies that you usually watched in your teen years.

A sudden loud bang of a door opening filled the place, making you turn your head abruptly, hoping that the universe finally sends some signals to you. But instead, you just see a man pushing a cleaning supplies cart. You are disappointed.

Why do you even feel disappointed? There’s only a little chance for Jungkook to just walk through the door. You laugh to yourself and shake your head. Maybe I should just call him.

You pat your pants to locate your phone, and a little panic goes through you as you can’t find your phone. Where is it? Did I drop it? You try to remember when the last time you used your phone. You usually don’t behave like this; for you, your phone is one of your most important things. You never walk without a phone as you have everything you need in that mini gadget. Maybe this Jungkook thing is really bothering me.

You turn and walk to the door hurriedly, you need to find your phone back and also Jungkook. You can’t just wait mindlessly in here. Just when your hand reaches the door knob, you sense the cleaning man walking to you.

“Are you Doctor Y/N?”

You look at the man, sending him a polite nod. “Ah yes. Don’t worry, I won’t disturb your job here, I’m going now.” The man looks like he is in his early 30s. You can’t really see his face, since it’s hidden with his blue baseball cap. He wears a blue jumpsuit, a usual uniform for the cleaning service. But why does it look like it’s too big for him?

The man smiles back. “Oh my. That’s fine. Actually I have a package for you.” The man rummages through his cart, searching for something. “From a man, named Jungkook, I think? He’s been searching for you.”

“Jungkook?” ears perk in curiosity.

He smiles again, almost a grin. “Yes.” the man laughs at himself as he pulls a black metal thing from the cart and points it to you. “He’s been searching for you.”

You look at him with widened eyes. A gun. “Wh-what are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing, sweetie?” the man laughs maniacally, the sounds send shivers to your spine, making you step back unconsciously, your back hitting the door. You move your hand behind your back, trying to locate the door knob. “Uh-uh. Do not move. I don’t want to shoot your pretty face.”

Your heart races in fear., “Wh-what do you want from me?”

“The autopsy report, where is it?”

Your jaw drops as your mind wanders to the incident last Sunday, the one that probably will leave some scars on your hands. “Were you the one who trashed my office?”

“That’s right.” The man steps a little closer and pushes the gun closer to your face. “The report. Where do you keep it?”

“I-I don’t know. I don’t have it.” Tears start threatening to fall from your eyes when the man seems unsatisfied with your answer and pulls your hair harshly. “I-I gave it up.”

He pulls your hair again until you meet his eyes. “Don’t fucking lie to me. Or do you want me to start shooting everyone who comes into this room?” He laughs again. “You’re waiting for someone right? What if he suddenly pops in right now, and my hand just slips?”

You widen your eyes and you can see his eyes, and they don’t show that he’s lying. You can see how crazy he is. “I-I think it’s on the seventh floor..”

Just after he hears your answer, he releases your hair. With a sudden lack of grip, your feet give up, making you slump on the ground. “Good choice. Now stand up. We’re going to the seventh floor.”

“Bu-but I just told you. You should let me go.”

He scoffs. “And how would I know if you’re just lying to me? Stand up!” He grips your elbow harshly, forcing you to stand in front of him. You can feel his cold gun on your back, pushing to walk forward. “Don’t do anything funny, or I might shoot others. I only want this to be just the two of us.”

Your lips tremble and your throat goes dry. You wipe your tears and take a deep breath, trying to find your courage and strength to walk. You open the door with a heavy heart, wishing silently that you won’t meet anyone in the corridor and on your way up to the seventh floor.

You walk slowly to the elevator, with the man following behind you with his cart. Whispering right there to remind you that he has a gun. Your stomach twists. You want to run away. Your hands turn into fists, sending a light pain from the still-recovering wounds. Luckily, the pain happens to keep your mind intact, make you stay sane. But still, you can’t think of anything that you can do to save yourself.

Sure, you worked for months in an agent secret service. But that doesn’t mean you can do martial arts or guns. You didn’t receive any of that training. So even in this high-security building, you’re just an ordinary woman. An unlucky one.

Wait. High-security building?

You look left and right cautiously to find CCTV cameras above you, maybe someone will see this?

The man behind you laughs again. “You think I’d sneak here with no preparation? No one in the security room is going to watch this. I’ve taken care of them.”

You choke, your heart quickens. “You.. you. Wha-what? What did you do to them?”

“There’s no need for you to know, sweetie.” He laughs again. ”It’s just gonna make you feel bad.”

You bite your lips, trying your hardest to hold your tears. This man is sick. And just then, the elevator’s door opens.

You swallow dryly and walk inside the elevator. Sighing in relief again because there’s no one inside. You reach your hand shakily, trying to push the seven button on the elevator, but just as the door closes, a hand sneaks in and it opens again.

Your eyes widen with the sight of the man, panting before you. “Jungkook?” Why are you here?

Jungkook still holds open the door with his one hand as he controls his breaths. “We.. We need to talk.”

You steal a glance at the man behind you, who acts like wiping the interior of the elevator. Your hands turn clammy. Maybe Jungkook can help you. Maybe Jungkook can save you. If this is the chance that the universe sends to you, you should take it, right? It is a perfect opportunity for you to lose the man behind you.

But, what if he shoots someone? Or worse, what if he shoots Jungkook?

You take a deep breath, your eyes looking at your feet, afraid of looking at Jungkook’s face. “The-there’s nothing for us to talk about,” you say coldly, pushing his hand away from the door and pushes the close button.

But this time, Jungkook is persistent. He doesn’t want to let you slip away from him. Again. “No.” He reaches out his hand again to block the door from closing. “We have to talk. You need to hear my explanation, at least.”

“I don’t want to!!” You push him away again, this time on his body, until he steps backward from the elevator. You don’t even realize how your hands tremble against his hard chest, how tears fall on your face like a waterfall. “Please... Just leave me alone…”

You step back inside the elevator, pushing the close door button again. But this time, Jungkook lets you.

If this is the last time I can see him….

You lift your head up to take a glance of his face from the closing door. You can’t see him clearly as your eyes filled with tears, and just like that. You sob on the ground of the elevator after the door closes, clenching your chest to tone down the tightening pain you feel.

“Well-well. Such a good girl.” The man behind you claps his hand. “Don’t worry, he’ll forgive you after he knows what happened with you and what you did for him.” He reaches to touch your cheek, which makes you flinch.

“You’re just a sick bastard,” you hiss, glaring to him.

He chuckles at your response and hits your face with his gun. He grabs your chin in his hand tightly, forcing you to see his eyes. “You’re really testing my patience, aren’t you?”

You’re shaking in his hands, a throbbing pain on your forehead also makes it worse. He releases your chin harshly and forces you to stand up as the car approaches the seventh floor. He pushes his gun again harshly on your side, with his other hand holding you close to him. You can feel his nasty breath on your neck.

I’m so going to die.

As the door opens and you walk through, that thought keeps lingering on your mind and it’s growing bigger with each step you take, and you can’t seem to shake it off. You can’t do anything right now, the only thing you can do is cry in silence, hope that at least it can ease your mind for a bit. But it doesn’t.

Why?

Because you don’t fucking know where the report is, exactly.

Jungkook remains speechless, his hands trying to reach for your hands but they escape him, leaving him grabbing the empty air. He only sees you walk back inside the elevator and he’s sure that he sees your tears when your eyes meet him.

He doesn’t understand you at all. Why then did Jin tell him that you want to see him? And why now you don’t want to? His hands turn into fists. He bites his lips harshly in desperation. Where are you going anyway?

No, he can’t just stay here. He needs to chase you. He needs to talk to you. He can’t let you again. He reaches his hand to push the elevator button but he stops midway.

Wait, why is there a cleaning service today?

He furrows his eyebrow, deep in thoughts, trying to remember any details of the cleaning service he saw earlier. He only looks at the cleaning service for a bit, he knows that it is a man, but Jungkook can’t really see his face since he faced the wall. He remembers the man turned his face when the door was closing, and Jungkook can see a bit of his face under the baseball cap. And suddenly his face turns white. He curses quietly and runs to the stairwell, not bothering to take the elevator anymore.

Jungkook grabs his phone from his pocket and scrolls to find Jin’s contact as he runs multiple steps at once. This might be dangerous and he needs his other agents, if what he’s thinking is true. If what he’s been afraid of come into reality.

“Hey, Jungkook-ah. Wha-”

“I saw Baekhyun, hyung. He was in the elevator with Y/N. I think they went to the seventh floor.” He says it quickly, interrupting Jin. Jungkook silently hopes that Jin can hear it perfectly as it is muffled with his pants and breaths.

Jin’s breath hitches on the other side of the phone. “What? Are you sure?”

“I’m not sure, I just saw him at a glance. I’m heading up right now. Tell the others!”

“Alright! Be careful!” Jin says and ends the phone call.

Jungkook puts his phone in his pocket and runs again. He runs, and runs, and runs, ignoring the fact that his lungs start burning in his chest.

Please be okay.

Like a spell, he repeats it over and over again. Like a prayer, he repeats it sincerely in his heart over and over again. Like a song, it is played in his mind over and over again.

I’m not going to let him hurt her again.

Like a vow, he says with all of his life.

He’s going to protect the woman he loves.

The silence in the seventh floor sends an eerie feeling to you, making your heart racing faster. Only God knows where the hell is the others when you need them. You feel the cold gun on your side, pushing harshly against your body. It is one of the things that makes you aware of what you’re doing right now, besides a throbbing pain on your head.

Baekhyun pushes you forward again. “So, where is it?”

You freeze on the spot, your hands getting clammy. You swallow dryly. “I-I’m not sure…”

“You what?” His eyes widen in anger and he shoves your body into a wall, sending a blunt pain to your back. “You dare to lie to me?” His hands somehow move to your neck, strangling it tightly.

You’re struggling to break free from his grip, kicking right and there, using all of your strength to push his hands away. Your chest is burning due to the lack of oxygen. Tears fall from your eyes. You feel weaker the more strongly you fight back and your eyes get blurry. Your consciousness fades along with the slowing of your heart beat.

And suddenly, Baekhyun releases you as he stumbles. You drop to the ground as you struggle to breath as much as you can. You open your eyes slowly, trying to see what’s he doing and there you see he is pushed to the ground by a familiar man.

Jungkook.

Jungkook hits Baekhyun as hard as he can. Baekhyun is perplexed for a second but after he processes what’s happening he starts to fight back. Baekhyun kicks Jungkook in the stomach. The situation turns around as Jungkook is pushed under him. The sound of the fight blares in your ears, trying to wake you up. You wince in pain as you gather all of your strength to stand up. You need to find help.

“Run!” Jungkook yells as he holds Baekhyun’s body tightly.

Baekhyun snarls, using his elbow to hit Jungkook’s nose, pushing him away. Your hands shake as Baekhyun suddenly changes his view to you and charges you, not giving you a chance to run away. Baekhyun pulls his gun from his pocket and points it to you. Your feet freeze as your eyes meet Baekhyun’s. “Bitch.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen at the sight before him and curses himself. He can’t believe that Baekhyun has a gun with him and through his laxity, Jungkook didn’t strip it. Jungkook groans and stands quickly to run to you. Please be okay.

Just as Baekhyun pulls the trigger, Jungkook jumps in front of you. The bullets pierce his right chest and his stomach. His body falls to the ground because of the impact. The blood starts seeping from his body.

Your jaw drops. You’re familiar with the smell of blood. You’re familiar also with the smell of the gunpowder. And when both of them are somehow incorporated in the air, it gives you a brand new smell that’s sickening.

The tears still fall from your eyes as you flop beside Jungkook, hesitantly touching him. Just less than an hour ago, you were dreaming about meeting him in a romantic way, but now this is only tragic. sharp pain clutches your chest, making it hard for you to breathe again. Your thoughts are only filled with Jungkook but you can’t do anything.

But Jungkook is strong, maybe one of the strongest agents in the Company. So Jungkook sits up and moves you behind him, covering you perfectly.

“Kook…” you whisper in between sobs.

Jungkook keeps you behind him with his arms slightly trembling, gently soothing your skin. “I’m okay. Just stay behind me.” Even the slightest movement of his arms makes his chest hurt even more, but Jungkook hides it in his smile. The only thing in his head is how to make you get out of here safely, and he doesn’t care about the pain. Not when you are his priority.

Jungkook slowly lets go of his hands and stands up. You see how the blood spots are getting bigger and bigger, how it affects his posture as he loses his balance lightly. And after a few deep breaths, he puts on a stance, looking at Baekhyun with furious eyes.

Baekhyun snorts. “You think you can fight me bare-handed?” He still points his gun toward the both of you.

Without answering, Jungkook leaps forward to attack Baekhyun. It leaves Baekhyun caught off guard as he begins to fire the gun carelessly. Still, it grazes Jungkook’s body as he moves closer to him.

Not only that Jungkook is one of the strongest agents in the company, he has a killer kick. It’s the one that made the Company recruit him in the first place. He rarely uses it in his fights because he rarely has a chance to have hand-to-hand combat, and even if he had a chance, he doesn’t need to use it. And if Jungkook decides to use his best skills in this fight, there’s no way for Baekhyun to win. Jungkook begins to kick him again in his stomach and tries to target his hand.

And Baekhyun knows it too. So Jungkook begins to kick him again in his stomach and tries to target his hand. While Baekhyun stumbles, he fires his last bullet.

To your direction.

It’s too late for Jungkook to realize it, to jump again in front of you. As the bullet hits your shoulder, the new pain makes you fall back from the impact. Jungkook curses and turns his body to kick Baekhyun’s hand, sending the gun flying far from them and holding his hand to throw his body, locking him in between his legs, in a way that Baekhyun can’t move.

The doors and elevator open almost at the same time, and the agents barge in to arrest Baekhyun. Finally.

“Y/N!” Hoseok runs to you and shakes your shoulders. “Are you okay?” He helps you slowly sit up, carefully not to touch your wounds.

It’s over now… You sigh in relief, but your eyes turn panic when you see Jungkook’s shirt almost turn to pinkish, a mix of his blood and his sweat. “Kook…” and just as his name falls on your lips, Jungkook stumbles and drops to the ground.

Jimin and Taehyung move quickly to Jungkook to check on him. They look panicky as they move Jungkook’s body to a gurney with the help of paramedics. ”I’m going with him to the hospital.” Jimin says to Hoseok.

Hoseok nods and turns his face to you, his eyes falling on your bloodied shoulder. “Let’s get you to the hospital too.” He holds your elbow softly, helping you stand.

And just like that, everything turns black.

You open your eyes slowly. The harsh lights blind you and you blink as you adjust to it. You are met by the white ceiling above and white curtains all around you. The familiar smell of disinfectant steals into your nose, waking you up even more. You try to move your arms, to help you sit up, but there’s a shooting pain to your right shoulder. “Argh.”

“Yah. Y/N, you can’t move that carelessly!” Jimin yells as he puts his hand behind your back to help you.

You shake your head softly. “I’m okay. Where’s Jungkook?”

“He’s in his room. The surgery went well. Don’t worry.” Jimin says reassuringly and pushes your shoulder lightly to make you stay in the bed.

But you refuse, swinging your legs slowly over the edge of your bed. “I want to see him..” You use your left hand to hold the IV poll. But as your feet land on the floor, your body stumbles. Luckily, Jimin was holding you from falling. “I’m okay, I’m okay…”

Jimin looks at you with worry in his eyes. He holds your elbow tightly. “Y/N, you don’t look so well. Just rest for a bit.”

You shake your head again, tears threatening to fall again. “Please… let me see him just for a bit…”

He sighs. He knows how stubborn you are, and you won’t back down. “Fine. Hold on to me, okay? Tell me if you have any pain.”

Luckily, Jungkook’s room is just a few rooms from yours. Just when you are about to open his door, you hear voices yelling inside.

“Yah! You can’t move!”

“Jungkook-ah! Are you crazy?”

“She’s fine! Just stay in the bed!”

Your eyes widen in panic. You let go of Jimin’s arms and rush forward inside Jungkook’s room. The only thing in your mind is Jungkook, and Jungkook only. You want to make sure he’s okay. You want to see him again.

And your eyes meet his.

The other agents hold him tightly as he tries to walk to the door. He looks pale and pained, there’s bruises in his body. You see the bandages sneaking out from his gown. And it just makes your heart break and relieved at the same time. “Kook?”

His doe eyes look you from head to toe, blinking his teary eyes to see you clearer. “Y/N?”

His voice.

Your favorite one.

The only thing that gives you strength to step forward. The only thing that can make you run. The only thing that can make your heart leap.

And just like that you run to him, run to his embrace, rushing forward clumsily while dragging the IV poll.

Jungkook holds you tightly to his chest, not even caring if you jostle his wounds. He doesn’t even care if he feels the pain, in fact, he is glad he can feel it. So that he knows that this is real. That you are wrapped in his arms, still living and breathing before him.

Jungkook lets your scent and warmth envelop his body and he can feel the relief straight into his heart. He takes your face in his hands, looking at it carefully. He gulps a little when he spots a little wound on your forehead and bruises on your neck. “Are-are you okay?”

You sniff and let your tears fall from your eyes as you nod weakly. “Are you okay? Let’s get you back to your bed.”

“I’m okay,” he giggles but lets you hold him and take him back to the bed. And when you stumble again because of his weight, the other agents hop in to help both of you. Jin and Taehyung hold Jungkook and walk him to his bed while Jimin helps you.

Hoseok smiles at you as he drags a chair next to the bed, “We’re gonna let you talk for a bit, okay? Don’t talk too long, you both need to rest.” He pushes the other agents outside, giving you and Jungkook privacy.

It’s silent again.

But it’s comforting. And you kinda miss it.

It’s funny how just with the presence of Jungkook can stir your heart completely. Just by the presence of him, he can turn your mood around.

You bite your lips and fiddle with your gown. “Thank you for saving me. It must have hurt a lot.”

Jungkook smiles and reaches your face to wipe your tears away. “I’m sorry I didn’t come faster. You must have been frightened.”

And there it breaks you. Jungkook is the one who hurt the most, and yet he is the one who feels sorry. He is in pain, but he still thinks of you. What can you do to deserve to be with this nice man? No, you don’t deserve it all. And it just aches your heart even more. “What are you talking about….” you sob and turn away from him as you try your hard to stop the tears falling from your eyes.

Jungkook reaches your hand softly. “Please don’t turn away from me.. Please?” His other hand moves to pat your head lovingly. “Can we please have that talk now?”

You pout. “No. You need to rest. We can talk about it anytime after you get better.”

“I don’t want to. I have to tell you right now.” He takes a deep sigh. “I’ll go crazy if I keep this any longer.”

“But…”

“I’m sorry for what I did to you in your apartment. I was drunk and made stupid mistakes. I’m sorry.”

You nod quickly. “Yes, I know and I’ve forgiven you. Now, you should have some rest…”

“I didn’t know why I did it, but just so you know, I’ve always wanted to kiss you. I think I felt too rushed, but I didn’t do it just to tease you or make fun of your feelings. It’s jus-”

“Wait, what?” You look at him puzzled and raise one of your eyebrows. “You-you wanted to kiss me?”

He tilts his head at your response. “Yeah?”

“But, why?”

He takes a close look at your face, and swallows dryly. “Because I like you, Y/N.”

There is a pregnant silence as you blink your eyes, processing the sudden bomb of information. “Huh?” You scratch the back of your head confusedly. “You like me? Since when?”

He blushes as he smiles. “I don’t know. It just happened, I guess… Wait, you didn’t know?”

“Duh, this is an expression of a person who knew about it,” you say sarcastically as you point to your face.

Jungkook’s jaw drops. “I really thought I made myself really clear. Even the others knew about it!” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Anyway, I just felt so rushed because you’re gonna leave soon and I thought I’m gonna lose my chance. Also it might be because these feelings are little new for me, so I was a little confused. But I-”

“But I’m still with this Company for another 4 months…”

It’s his turn to process the information and then his face turns red as he lets go of your hand. “I thought… I’m just… hmmm. I’m gonna take my confession back then…”

“No! I won’t let you take it back.” You reach for his hand, holding it tightly. You look at him with a determination in your eyes and smile widely from ear to ear. “Thank you, I’m happy to hear it.”

Jungkook replies with a smile too as he sighs in relief. “But still, I have to say it again properly someday.”

You giggle as you squeeze his hand. “Sure, let’s take this slowly. We have a lot of time.”

You both hold each others’ hands with smiles on your faces. No word exchanged, as you both know how happy you are. How relieved you are to finally hold his warm hand again. How excited you are to guess what will happen to both of you. How ecstatic you are as you feel your heart races inside your chest.

The air freshener sprays in the corner of the room, breaking the silence between both of you. The scent of vanilla disperses in the air. Filling the room with nothing but sweet scent. Usually, you always stay away from the sweet type of smell and stick with anything musky, floral, or maybe just natural ones. But now, this specific type of smell becomes your favorite one. The sweetest scent to remind you about him. The sweetest scent that you can have everyday without feeling sick.

Jungkook coughs awkwardly, “I know, you said to take this slowly. But I just can’t help it…” He looks at you with pinkish cheeks as he squeezes your hand. “Can-can I kiss you?”

You reply with nothing but a smile and nod. You lean in a little so he can be closer to you just for a little bit. And just like that, he takes your face in his hands slowly and connects his lips with yours.

And you can feel it, how your hearts are connecting too.

Go check the other series because *sst... It’s all connected!

Series Masterlist: The Company

Taglist: @kb-bangtanenthusiast @w0lfqu33n @gee-nee @jaienn @nctssidehoe @codeinebelle @kali-20 @mygalaxysupernova @jeoncookie-bts @kookunot @1-in-abillion @beingbeings @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @yiyi4657 @jinsalpaca @giadalin @spring2787 @drmrastraea @katbonv @fluffyjoons @baebyjoonie

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woeisme-iamwoe · 4 years

Text

an absolutely massive Haikyuu!! fic rec pt. 1

I went through my entire ao3 history because I’m insane, AND here’s my favorites. (There’s not a lot of aus because I’m not a huge fan of them, and there’s no sad endings. I’m a hopeless romantic leave me alone. There is angst though! Lots)

Beginning with SakuAtsu (I’m a hoe for Atsumu):

Hide and seek, by badreputation (10k. E. canonverse)

It sure is a good thing Atsumu doesn't have a latex allergy

It’s just a fleeting infatuation. As long as he pushes through it he’ll manage. So what if nowadays there isn’t a night where he doesn’t dream of Sakusa pinning him down on his own bed, in the shower or make Atsumu go down on his knees in the hallway? Those are just pesky details.

Some Memories, We May Keep, by mika60 (31k. T. canonverse)

This is canon, fight me on it.

The missing panels, the missing games, the missing moments.

The them we never saw.

*Now complete! :)*

every action has an equal and opposite reaction, by akanemnida (10k. T. canonverse)

Miya Atsumu gets a modeling contract with Calvin Klein, which sets Kiyoomi's heart in motion.

(Or: Sakusa Kiyoomi realizes that the rules governing the universe are absolute rubbish at explaining matters of the heart.)

Ass-fingering as a prelude to relations of the emotional kind: a case study, by neverwere (2k. E. canonverse)

Fucking hilarious, the imagery is absolutely hilarious.

"Marry me, he thinks, as he comes around Sakusa's fingers and all over himself.

This. This is exactly why you don't let strangers or very attractive teammates finger you out of the blue.

Everyone knows that the ass is the shortest way to the heart."

When it comes to sex, Atsumu has rules. Guidelines! SOPs! He swears they work, they've always worked.

Until they don't.

parallax error: angle of inclination, by min_mintobe (10k. T. canonverse)

But now there's the one person Atsumu'd promised himself never to touch. His eyes leave Atsumu breathless with guilt at seventeen, and he spends the next six years safe in the satisfaction of making things right.

Feelings, of the physical kind, and one kiss.

ft. competitive spirit, childishness, and late night conversations.

Atsumu POV.

autumn ends, but we remain, by wolfsbvne (5k. T. canonverse)

Author says in their ending notes that they're not an ‘author’, but methinks they should write more and pursue that career path because this was wonderful.

atsumu stares at his ceiling at 2am. he stares until he can make out designs in his popcorn ceiling. a cat there, an onigiri here, and then something that suspiciously looks like a mop of hair, triangle eyebrows, and oh those two bumps are moles right above what atsumu just mapped out as an eye.

(or, atsumu is in kind of in love. sakusa is maybe in like.)

I left a taste in your mouth, by emso (26k. E. bodyguard au)

Because obviously

Sakusa fixes him with a vague expression of something like distaste. There's a scathing edge to his tone when he speaks. "Contrary to what you seem to believe, not everyone who meets you is instantly dying to get into your pants, Miya."

"Lucky I don't really care right now what 'everyone' wants to do, then." Atsumu swivels his mug around on the tabletop a few times, and then brings it to his mouth to drain the last few dregs of his latte. Over the rim of his mug, he adds casually, "Just you."

Whoa hey Bodyguard Omi, I think Spoiled Rich Kid Tsumu might possibly have a teensy crush on you.

How do you know you're in love?, by spiritscript (12k. T. canonverse)

Pure art

“So, how did you know you were in love? How did it feel?” Atsumu felt nervous asking this, a slight wiggling in the pit of his stomach, unable to look at the man beside him who rolled his shoulders in an attempt to reset his posture. “I mean, you didn’t resonate with what I said, so, what is love to you Omi-kun?”

Atsumu thinks he must be in love with Hinata Shouyou and so asks the best person he knows to help him understand his feelings

san'yo expressway, 6:17 pm, by yamabota (13k. T. canonverse)

Of violent forethoughts, and handheld car vacuums.

Atsumu tilts his head to watch a slice of orange light bend over the impassive planes of Sakusa’s face. He is absolutely, ruthlessly beautiful. It makes Atsumu want to punch something—put his foot through the windshield—scream, maybe.

Kiss him again, maybe.

They have 344 kilometers to figure this one out.

Different Kinds of Dysfunctional, by DeathBelle (Series, 5 works. T-E. Canonverse)

Honestly, I think this one is kind of famous amongst Sakuatsu readers but I can’t not include it. If I recall correctly, this is the fic that got me into Sakuastu, so thanks, DeathBelle. The characters are portrayed really well (i.e. Sakusa is disgusted and confused, and Atsumu is a little shit). You’ve got a good balance between conversations and descriptive thoughts and all-in-all it’s just a really good read.

Atsumu said into the heavy silence, “You can’t say you’ve never thought about it.”

"Thought about what?" said Sakusa.

Atsumu smiled to himself, smug. "You know."

"No, I don't."

"You know. Of course you’ve thought about it. There’s no reason to be ashamed, Omi-kun. I’m a real catch.”

Sakusa was appalled. "You're disgusting."

"You flatter me. I'm not judging you. I can't lie and say I haven't thought about it, too."

Sakusa shifted, slowly, to peer over his shoulder. He wasn’t scowling, but his expression was unreadable. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

Atsumu wasn't joking, and he was about to get more than he bargained for.

i'll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands), by liliapocalypse (7k words. T. canonverse):

Oh, god. This one was so cute. Super fluffy. Loved the metaphors and symbolism. Sometimes you just can’t say things out loud.

When a bad injury shocks the whole V. League, Sakusa finds himself paired with Atsumu for more rigorous assisted stretches before every training. Atsumu then finds himself writing random letters on Sakusa’s skin to soothe the spiker, forcing Sakusa to reevaluate how his touch aversion became an irresistible yearning for more, and how the boy with the annoying hair somehow brought that hunger to life.

Or, the fic where Atsumu mindlessly writes a confession on Sakusa’s back when he thought Sakusa wasn't paying attention. Sakusa always did.

mortality is found is the flesh of your sins, by novrik (10k. M. canonverse)

This is literally my favorite fic of all time. Not just of Sakuatsu, not even of the Haikyuu fandom. Ever. Favorite fic ever. Listen, I’m an atheist, but this fic took me on a religious experience that I haven't come down from yet. The symbolism had me actually shivering, and I had to put my phone down quite a few times. Just, oh wow, just read it. I’d like to share my favorite line; ‘And if Sakusa is Eve, if he takes a bite, what then? Perhaps, he is a little afraid of the knowledge he will gain’. My god, author, if you ever see this, this is not only a plea for you to continue writing, but also an offer of marriage. Your hand, author?

dickhead one, sakusa kiyoomi. dickhead two, miya atsumu. neither understand how to communicate.

Pray tell, why are you drawn to him?

Are you drawn to him in the way he looks beautiful even when crying?

When his eyes are red, shiny tears streaking down, lips quivering, is he beautiful?

sakuatsu domesticity simulator, by pseudoanalytics (75 words. T. canonverse)

75 words because it's actually a digital art simulator. An interactive fic! How frickin’ cool is that? The art is so beautiful and I love the plotline and ugh, just everything. Please read, or watch, or click around, yes. Good.

Update: artist created another interactive fic and of course it is wonderful. SunaOsa this time! https://newttxt.itch.io/cheesecake honestly just check out @newttxt their work is amazing and I love everything they do.

a vaguely interactive mixture of fic, art, and html, where you too can experience the inherent romance of a big fat jerk and a too-blunt jerk attempting intimacy

***

(this is the result of letting the sakuatsu brainworms really get to you...)

Pas De Deux, by hatsuna (19k words. T. Ballet/college au)

There's just something about prim, proper ballet Sakusa and human-benign-tumor Atsumu that makes my heart burst. Seriously gorgeous writing style, loved every second. By the same author who wrote ‘liminal spaces’ (which is also just perfect) so that should give you a good idea of the style.

The mystery athlete gives Kiyoomi a once over in the mirror. “Yer pretty tall,” he observes. The twang of an accent rasps low in his throat. His brazen eyes drift to Kiyoomi’s legs, and something like exhilaration glints gold in his gaze. “Good quads, too. Ya ever played volleyball?”

Ah. So it’s volleyball.

“I’m a dancer. Ballet and contemporary, mostly.”

the affective presence of our black and white reruns, by kozumess (19k. E. canonverse)

Beautiful, classic misunderstandings, my heart actually physically ached at that one scene (you’ll know the scene when you come to it). Kiyoomi is so refreshingly relaxed(? Is that the right word to use? We all know Omi never truly relaxes).

but the want, it's always there, constant like the static playing on every television channel, present even when the station disconnects.

cut the conversation, just open your mouth, by meeksoo (E. 16k. canonverse)

Absolutely filthy...BUT WITH FEELINGS! Completely nails the Sakuatsu dynamic, and protective ‘Tsumu? Love it.

Sakusa opens the door. He always does.

They’re teammates first, barely even friends. But they hook up on the regular and it works. It’s simple, easy. But then a fan gets too close, Sakusa reacts, and Atsumu is swept up in how quickly things can get complicated.

As Atsumu palms himself over his briefs, still feeling off, he realizes it’s because he still wants it. Him. Sakusa. Even after already having him earlier.

He should probably feel self-conscious, mildly ashamed even, that he’s panting ‘Omi Omi’ into the dark beneath the steady thrum of the AC unit when Sakusa’s right down the hall, probably good for it if Atsumu ended up back at his door. Instead, he lays there, writhing and sweaty, alone in his hotel room bed thinking about Sakusa and touching himself.

Afterward, as cum begins to cool on his chest, Atsumu really can’t help but face the fact that things may be getting complicated.

the hands that beckon me to come, by Ellieb3an (4k. E. canonverse)

So hot, what the fuck!

The toss, the run, the spike-serve at the end of it all—Sakusa sees it happen in perfect clarity as if time has slowed and his vision narrows to the center where just Miya exists, all powerful muscle and extraordinary skill and that air of confidence.

Sakusa isn’t one of the best receivers in the league for no reason, so his body moves on muscle memory, forearms absorbing the sting of the hit. It’s not enough. But his eyes are still on Miya—on the way his shorts ride up his muscular thighs as he lands, on the bead of sweat dripping down his forehead, on the clench of his fist thrust into the air—when the ball ricochets out of bounds.

***

Atsumu stays late at practices to work on his new third serve, even when his frustration with it starts throwing off the rest of his game. Sakusa notices and starts hanging back to secretly watch him from the gym doors. He’s fascinated with Atsumu's determination... and more than a little turned on by it, too.

you're the flame i use (when it gets dark), by starkartifices (55k. M. canonverse. Ongoing)

Everything is the same except the Sakusas are super rich.

“Oh, if you want dear, you could bring a plus one. Though, I doubt you have a partner yet.”

“I do actually.”

“What was that, dear?”

"I do have a partner, I mean."

alt title: crazy rich sakusas

the inherent romance of classical conditioning (or; the fine art of emotional recognition), by pseudoanalytics (13k. E. canonverse)

Ah, yes. A Pavloved sex life. A Pavloved LOVE life??

It's stupid. Atsumu isn't a romantic, no matter how many times he's imagined laying Sakusa out and finally really touching him.

So there's no explanation for why Atsumu is constantly stuck thinking about brushing his fingertips against the meat of Sakusa's palms or the prominent tendons in his freaky wrists.

There's no explanation for why doing dishes sets off a warm burn in his ribcage, or why when he smells disinfectant he inhales like he's walking past a bakery.

Yer doin' this to me, he thinks furiously, as Sakusa derails his thoughts with kisses that come more and more frequently now. Yer conditionin' me, and I can't stop it.

flutterbird (a collection of sakuatsu oneshots), by wordstruck (5 works. T-E. canonverse)

Works 1-3, I think follow a linear story, whereas the last two don't.

All sakuatsu works are just the angstiest, most miscommunication filled pieces of absolute gold and this one is no exception. Wow. These men are assholes and they bring out the worst in each other, but I’ll be damned if they’re not soulmates.

Collection of SakuAtsu fics. Several fics are loosely set in the same storyverse. Not necessarily directly connected and can all be read as standalones.

#haikyuu!!#sakuatsu #haikyuu fic #haikyuu fic rec #sakusa kiyoomi #atsumu miya

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sweetestlamb · 4 years

Text

Call My Name

Summary: “I don’t know what to do I think I’m falling for you.”

Author's Note: Back with my longest update for this story, almost 10k!! I have only written that much for a chapter for IOTNBO, I’m so proud and excited. It’s thanks to many of you who have been messaging me to let me know how much you appreciate my story and those of you who are making artwork in any capacity based on my story, I am honored thank you!! I battled a lot with the ending but finally I just went with my gut, the characters wanted to act this way and who am I to fight it? I hope you enjoy and I will see you again in the next chapter! Amazing header by @ewolfwitchwisegirl every time I see it I can’t help but smile. Thank you endlessly.

She checks the time on her phone again, for no particular reason just curious about how much time has passed since she last checked. Five minutes. Interesting, she'll make sure to check again to see if her hypothesis is correct, that time seems to move slower in Ju-Kyung's house it feels as if they have been sitting here for hours yet her phone is displaying something completely different and there has to be a scientific explanation for that.

"You acted like you didn't want him to have your phone number but now you won't stop checking your phone." Su-ah teases across the room, hanging upside with her feet on the wall as her fingers move across her own endlessly buzzing phone. She's not jealous about that, not at all.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I was just checking the time." She replies coolly pushing the phone away from her with complete disinterest.

She states blankly back at twin penetrating stares of disbelief, rolling her eyes she lowers her head onto the table picking at the skin on her index finger.

"I told you to stop doing that!" Ju-Kyung admonishes grabbing her hands and halting her abuse, they are hideous to look at the skin peeling all over no amount of lotion can rectify the damage she's done. They are one of the reasons she loves winter, she has a bounty of gloves to hide them from view. Self-consciously she tries to twist them away, they look even worst next to the soft plush skin of Ju-Kyung, who consistently moisturizes the appendages.

"Just leave them. They're ugly anyway."

The other girl ignores her bringing out the hand cream she's seen so many times, she simply sighs when the thick lotion is rubbed into her brittle skin. They both know that this is pointless because she'll soon wash away any benefits but Ju-Kyung is always persistent and she's given up on fighting with her. With a light pat and triumphant hum, Ju-Kyung releases her.

"There. Don't they look beautiful?"

They don't. Out of all the things she hates about herself and that lists grows more abundant everyday, her hands are high on the list. They make her feel hideous and as if anything she touches will also lose its beauty. A twisted nightmare inducing Midas touch.

She doesn't reply beyond shoving them into the pocket of her blazer.

"Su-jin?" Su-ah calls from behind her, sounding more serious than she's used to. She tightens in anticipation, barely turning her head.

"Are you okay? I've been giving you space but I want to know what's wrong. What happened at school?"

Her chest constricts painfully, she's not ready for this conversation possibly will never be but if she refuses will they shut her out? Will she be abandoned? Fear rushes through her veins at the very idea of being without them.

She forces herself to speak, "I...its-- what....I"

The words are lodged in her throat choking her until it's hard to breathe, she starts wheezing and then she's wrapped up in a tight hug, her last bit of oxygen squeezed from her body.

"Shhhh. It's okay. We love you, don't cry." Su-ah coos at her, stroking her head and mumbling soothing words into her ear. Ju-Kyung wipes away ardent tears she hadn't realized had fallen, her smooth hands soft on Su-jin’s wet skin.

"I can't. I'm sorry, not yet. Please don't go." For once she says exactly what's in her heart, people leave that's her reality but not them, she can't lose them death would be easier. So she begs tightening her once limp arms around Su-ah's small waist, clinging to the other girl like a weeping child. Her father has stolen everything she's ever loved from her, they couldn’t be another casualty.

"We're not going anywhere. We love you, no matter what. Nothing could change that."

She allows Su-ah to rock her back and forth, deep in her heart she knows those words aren't true, feelings change and once they figure out her secret, this love will fade and they'll grow apart; pity is the kiss of death. Once they know how truly pathetic she is they won't be able to look at her, she'll just be a broken doll that needs to be fixed.

"We love you."

Sure, but for how long?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Becoming Sujin's friend wasn't easy she can remember the day she first saw the abnormally beautiful girl, she looked like a character out of a Korean drama with her perfect round face and effortless style. She'd simply stared in awe, too dazed to approach the other girl. When they crossed paths in the hallway she watched the other girl intently, she decided in that moment they had to be friends.

It was like destiny, they ended up in the same class and she started to follow the other girl around smiling warmly every time those cool eyes would look at her in question. She sat near her in the cafeteria and greeted her every morning, yet she was no closer to becoming her friend still skirting the edge of acquaintance.

Then one day out of the blue for the first time the other girl approached her, her face expressionless but the air around her was frigid. She gulped watching her draw nearer until they were face to face.

"What do you want from me?" She blinked at the unexpected question, rolling it over in her mind and still not coming up with an answer.

"What?" Was her eloquent reply, she was finally having a conversation with her dream friend and she couldn't get her thoughts together.

"You're always following me. Do you want something from me?"

She thought it was blatantly obvious what she desired from the other girl but she smiled before replying, "Friendship. I want to be your friend."

She'd never seen the other girl look confused before, her eyes got wider and her lips almost disappeared from how tightly she was twisting her mouth.

"Why?"

Her first reaction was to laugh because it sounded like a joke, who wouldn't want to be Sujin's friend she was one of the smartest and prettiest girls in the school but something about the look on her face told Su-ah those answers wouldn't suffice. The other girl was peering at her with deep searching eyes, waiting for her response.

Shrugging she didn't overthink her reply, choosing not to list the many reasons and going with the most basic, "I like you."

It was her first platonic confession, she almost blushed at the words and the potential misunderstandings but Sujin simply looked at her before walking away without another word. She sighed thinking she'd scared the other girl away, walking home crestfallen.

But the next day, Sujin said good morning to her first for the first time ever and they walked to class and as they say the rest was history, they became each other's confidant and best friend. Sujin, the first person to know about her crush on Tae-hoon, always there to wipe her tears after their countless break ups.

Su-jin is like a sister and that is why her breakdown feels even worst, she doesn't know what's going on, has never seen her best friend cry before. Su-jin isn't one to be open about her emotions, her smiles are as elusive as her tears. So her heart aches as Sujin shakes in her arms, wishing she knew what was hurting the girl this deeply so she could rescue her.

"I'll go wash my face." She's reluctant to let the other girl go but she knows the intricacies of her brilliant mind, knows that she's embarrassed and mentally ripping herself apart. Unwrapping her arms she lets her go, tears pooling in her eyes watching her friend suffer.

Quickly brushing the moisture away she turns to Ju-Kyung who isn't faring much better, dark mascara lines dripping down her cheeks. She laughs sadly wiping at the marks with her thumbs before pulling her fingers back and wiping them on her jacket.

"I'm sorry I'm crying, I know we need to be strong for her." Ju-Kyung apologizes but more stubborn tears rolls down her face and she hugs her tightly, needing the comfort herself.

"You're allowed to cry. We'll be there for her until she's ready to tell us what's wrong."

They nod and hug each other weeping for their friend who so solemnly weeps for herself.

It shocks them both when a loud vibration penetrates the silence of the room, the noisy disturbance makes them jump apart before they both glance at the phone on the table before looking at each other.

"Do you think it's...."

"What if it's.."

They speak at the same time and that's the exact moment that the door creaks open and Sujin arrives with red-rimmed eyes her hair now pulled back in a low ponytail.

Su-ah looks at the phone with wide eyes before looking at Sujin, then back to the phone before smiling innocently, "You should check the time."

Sujin doesn't react at first, standing completely still before she takes a hesitant step forward as if the phone has transformed into a bomb. Gingerly lifting it up she wipes go unlock the screen, trying to look unbothered her movements exaggeratedly slow. Su-ah sees right through her, sees the way her fingers twitch and how she takes a deep breath before opening the message.

She watches Sujin's face for a reaction, a smile or frown but there's no reaction until she huffs and throws the phone away with a sharp whisper, "That idiot. What the hell is that?"

Without asking for permission, they know each other's passwords there isn't much privacy between the three of them, she picks up the discarded phone, eyes bulging at the message before she starts to giggle. It was exactly who they thought and his first message to her is an image and the words, saw this and thought of you.

She grins at the message, wondering if Seojun knows how flirty the message reads. He'd openly let Sujin know that she was on his mind. She'd spontaneously decided to save Sujin under that name in his phone Ju-Kyung had told her about their interesting conversation and the pet name, then he used it again at the gate and she couldn't resist. What girl didn't like being called a princess?

"If he calls me that one more time I'm going to break his motorcycle." She winces at the threat, shifting her eyes. Okay, it seemed there was one girl. She needs to tell Seojun to never mention to Sujin that she was the one to save her under "princess" she had helped him get her number after all, they were practically friends now. He couldn’t throw her under the bus.

"Are you going to answer?" He wants to know if you want him to buy it for you." She giggles at the new message gasping when Sujin snatches the phone from her hands, she looks over at Ju-Kyung with a raised eyebrow at the show. They both watch with conspiring smiles as the commonly emotionless girl angrily throws herself into the bed and starts animatedly tapping on her screen.

She's never looked more alive.

It's the universe righting itself when she hears Ju-Kyung's mother yell up the stairs.

"Ju-Kyung, tell your friend Su-jin her father is here to pick her up."

Ju-Kyung's mother says the words upbeat, mumbling about doting fathers and harshly hitting her husband on the back of his head as she wonders to the kitchen. She schools her face into a plastic smile, despite the fear gripping at her and making it hard to focus. But she can't show any cracks in her display today, too much has happened and she can't allow anyone to be suspicious. They have to believe that her father is a loving man who picks up his daughter out of the goodness of his heart.

He almost looks normal smiling serenely in the doorway, even lifting a hand to wave at her. Cold ice chills run down her spine at the terrifying action.

"Why didn't you tell your mother and I you were going to a friend's house? We were worried sick about you."

She can hear the threat coded in those words, how dare you go anywhere without my permission, she rushes to his side knowing every minute she wastes he will punish her for. She'd inconvenienced him by making him pick her up. He would make her regret that decision.

Bowing to Ju-Kyung and her family, avoiding Su-ah's watchful eyes she rapidly puts on her shoes watching as her father bows as well thanking Ju-Kyung's parents for allowing her to stay so late and when they turn he grips her tightly all but dragging her out the door. His coat blocks the treatment from view and she grunts when he swings the car door open and tosses her roughly inside.

Slamming his door shut he glares over at her, "Do you know how hard it was finding this dirty shit hole of a house? Are you befriending anyone now? This is the kind of person you've deemed worthy of being seen with, you're a Kang for God's sake!"

She swallows her angry, desperately wanting to defend Ju-Kyung but his hands curled tightly in fists make her stifle her argument. Instead she bows her head quietly, letting him spew acid dripping words at her.

"You're not allowed to come here again. My daughter can't be seen with the help."

She anxiously claws at her hands in her lap, jumping when he yells in the confined space of the car.

"Answer me now! Do you understand!"

Staring out the window she replies, voice empty.

"Yes."

He doesn't wait for her to tug on her seat belt before driving off, done talking to her since she listened to his order.

When they finally walk through the front door she flinches when he grabs her arm suddenly, he rolls his eyes as if she's being dramatic. Seeming to get gratification from pressing his fingers deeper into her skin, she grits her teeth through it all.

"Don't flinch like that around others or I'll make you regret it. Tomorrow you are going on a date with a son of a very powerful man, make sure you hide all your bruises."

This time she can't stay silent, rage bursting to the surface.

"I don't want to go on a date with anyo--"

The smack of his open palm across her forehead drives her entire head to the side, her neck snapping so hard she imagines this is what it feels like to have whiplash.

"You shut your fucking mouth! Did it look like I was asking you a question? You will go on this date." His voice is hard and impenetrable, when her mother limps out with a black eye she gasps in shock unprepared for the gruesome sight.

Mom.

"Look what you made me do to your mother. You better start obeying me again or things will get worst."

She's been selfish, she is knew what would happen to her mother when she didn't come home, knew that her father's fury would need an outlet but she couldn't bring herself to come here. Knowing what her fate would be didn't make her any else scared.

"You need to listen to your father."

She can't bear to look her mother in the eyes, she's been thrown to the wolves too many times to feel true sympathy for the woman who gave birth to her. They are both victims, that much she knows but she can't help the anger that has been present since she was young begging her mother to save her.

She knows now, nobody can save anyone else. If you can't save yourself you're as good as dead.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He knows he can't be upset with Ju-Kyung or Su-ah, they are unaware of what their friend is going through but dread fills his stomach when Ju-Kyung tells him that Sujin was no longer there, her father had picked her up.

He slams a fist into his pillow, wanting nothing more to smash the man's face in he's never seen the bastard before but he knows that he would hate him on sight. He was a coward and a bully and he could not stand those who picked on others, they were the scum of the earth.

He sends her another unanswered text message reading her last message to him.

Delete my number, I don't want to talk to you.

She hadn't been amused by the sparkly purple tiara, he'd seen it on display in a children's store and immediately her regal scowl popped up in his mind. He hadn't thought about it before snapping a photo and sending it to her. That had been hours ago and still nothing from her after a heated debate about whether or not she was a princess.

Sighing in exasperation he sends another message.

Let me know if you're okay.

He's sent five other unread messages, all variations of this message worry making him break all his rules about texting the opposite gender.

He glares at the phone as if it's to blame, tossing himself onto this bed and dragging a pillow across his face to groan into.

Almost choking on the cloth of his pillow he shoves it away when his phone finally vibrates on his stomach, eagerly opening it he smiles at the message on the screen.

I'm okay.

She's lying, he's certain of that he's seen the bruises first-hand without makeup lessening the effect. But she's cognizant enough to send him a message and despite the hell she must be going through she cared enough about him worrying to reply, something unfamiliar flutters in his belly. He writes it off as indigestion and flops into his pillow before sending his final message to her.

I’ll see you tomorrow, princess.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He's wondering the halls aimlessly sneering at everyone who looks his way, he doesn't mean to be this moody really didn't mean to snap at Chorong but he can't help it, Sujin is absent her empty seat mocking him in class so he had to escape. He's lost count at the amount of messages he's sent at this point, none of them have been read. He growls at the radio silence, he hates being ignored and when she's the one doing the ignoring his frustration only builds. He doesn't bother analyzing why.

"You look ready to kill the next person who stares at you the wrong way."

He glances at the near monotonous tone behind him, turning to face Suho. He doesn't know how the other boy was allowed to leave the classroom when he currently has the hall pass but rules are usually broken for the star student, he scoffs at the privilege. Nobody ever calls him a troublemaker though.

"Being a brainiac sure comes with perks." He drawls leaning against the wall.

Suho guiltlessly shrugs, crossing his forearms before grabbing his arm. He doesn't fight the grip allowing himself to be pulled, maybe this will distract him from his thoughts.

"Where are we going?"

Suho doesn't answer but he drags him up the stairs leading to the rooftop, he's instantly reminded of the last time he was here. Her tears warming his chest as she shook apart in his arms. He mentally groans, he’s supposed to be forgetting her why can’t he get her out of his mind?

"You know don't you?" Suho gently states, letting his arm fall between them and staring at him with sure eyes. He peers back squinting in response, uncertain if the other boy is truly alluding to what he thinks. He doesn't say a word, Sujin would never forgive him if he uttered her secret to anyone, he'd never betray her trust regardless of if she's fully given that to him.

"Know what?" He states slowly , watching his friend’s every move.

"About her father."

A deer caught in headlights, if you looked up that saying his face would be the accompanying image.

Forcing his jaw close, he shakes his head staring at Suho suspiciously.

"You knew."

Suho must feel his judgement because his face hardens before he looks away, "I did."

"Why didn't you do anything?" It's not his place but he can't help his vexation, how long had the other boy known and done nothing?

"We were......young. I slept over, I fell asleep on the couch and I heard him. The next morning she had a split lip and her father told me she accidentally fell down the stairs."

Disgusts winds through his chest at the story, this had been her life since she was a child. While he'd been mourning the loss of his own father, Sujin was being beaten and abused by her own. They were both fatherless.

"I felt guilty every day. I didn't know who to tell, her father was close friends with my dad and I didn't think he would believe me and...... I hated him. After my mom died I hated him so much. I didn't want to ask him for help."

He wants to scream, "What about Sujin? Couldn't you see her pain? Wasn't that enough to put your pride aside?"

But he doesn't because it won't do Sujin any good and Suho has been through his own trauma, he learned that his words have power and despite his anger he doesn't want to hurt his friend, never again.

"It's not your fault." He means it, they were both children. But he just wishes that Sujin had someone back them, that she knew that what was happening wasn't her fault. He just wishes he'd been there.

But he can't turn back time, no matter how desperately he wants to. All he can do is treasure the time he has now.

Her knows what he needs to do.

"I need a favor."

Suho stares at him before slowly nodding.

But not before asking his own question, "Why do you care so much?"

He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. The question spins around in circles in his head, no answer offering itself.

"Do you..... like her?" Suho cautiously inquires searching his face to see if he gives anything away. He doesn't try to hide his emotions.

"That's not important. She needs someone, I've decided to be that person."

The other boy looks at him like he's a puzzle he can't figure out but he nods as if that answer is enough. He'll store that question away for further inspection on his own.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There's no guarantee that this will work but he stands awkwardly on the sidewalk peering up at the intimidating mansion, it makes his own apartment look like a child's toy. Inadequacy pricks at his ego before he shoves it to the crevice of his mind, this isn't about him.

The driveway is empty that was a good sign. He hadn't thought ahead to what he would do if her father had been home, he wouldn't be able to control his rage. It's a blessing that he won't have to make that decision today.

Pulling out his phone he stares at her number before pressing the call button. It rings and rings and he's sure she's going to ignore him as she's been doing all day, he moves to hang up and call her back when he hears silence and then a quiet, "Why do you keep calling?"

He lets out a sigh of triumph, punching a fist into the air.

Collecting himself he states breezily into the phones, "When people call someone they usually have something to say princess."

Her reaction is immediate, "I told you not to call me that."

"I remember when you told me." He replies cheekily, unable to fight the smile that grows hearing her annoyance permeating through the line, just happy to hear her voice at all.

"Then why do you keep calling me that?" She tightly replies, sounding like she could turn a coal into a diamond in her mouth.

"It suits you."

"Why? Because I'm rich and spoiled?"

"No. Because you're pretty." He hears himself say, wondering if he's been possessed because he's thought that before looking at the girl he was still a man and he had eyes but he's never planned on saying his inner thoughts out loud.

It takes a moment to realize she hasn't responded, scared she finally hung up he cries out, "Hey! Are you still there?"

Another long pause drags out and he becomes really worried that she's gone after taking so long to get her to answer, maybe everyone's right and he's an idiot.

"Don't say stupid things like that." There's something about her voice, it sounds higher than he's used to and he wonders if maybe she's embarrassed. Maybe even blushing. He'd pay real money to see that sight.

Not wanting to push his luck any further he powers on, resisting the urge to ask if she's blushing. She wouldn't be honest with him anyway.

"Come outside I have something for you."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

She contemplates what she should do as she peers down at her phone. His name and number flash on her phone as the phone locks itself. She'd begrudgingly saved his number when it became clear that he had no intention of leaving her alone. Nobody besides Su-ah had ever texted her this frequently, she was earning scarily that she didn't hate it. Although she hardly replied, not knowing how to maintain a text conversation.

Su-ah had teasingly said she should save the boy as prince, so that they could match. She rolled her eyes at the suggestion, Su-ah was so cheesy sometimes they weren't a couple why would they need matching names? Instead she'd saved him as "do not answer" but she'd already broken that rule, she realized appalled at her lack of control.

Losing more control she sighs before crawling out of bed, not bothering to put on makeup to hide the mark on her forehead, he had seen worst. Her father left after taking her to the doctor, regaling another story of her clumsiness and they walked out with cream, powerful enough to ensure that no scar would be left behind. Nobody wanted scarred goods he explained.

The closer she gets to the door the faster her heart beats, how did he know where she lived? They had never discussed that and why did he come all the way here? Didn't he have anything better to do than stalk her? Taking a calming breath she reaches the front door, she can hear her frantic heart beats thumping in her ears.

She turns the door knob, pausing at the sight of his back. The sun is shining brightly outside, the direct opposite of her gloomy dark home. It was a sin for the day to be this beautiful when her life is so damn ugly. With the sun streaking his hair hues of dark brown he turns to face her.

She feels uncomfortable at the rush on emotions that bleeds across his face.

"Don't."

He looks at her quizzically, perplexed by her strange seemingly unprovoked request.

"Just don't.. emote so much."

Of course he doesn't listen, a smile stretching across his face as he steps closer to her. Reaching out with gentle fingers he brushes against the bandage on her forehead.

"Are you okay?"

He’s always asking her that.

She doesn't feel like lying at the moment, not with his gentle hands and soft eyes beaming at her.

She mutely shakes her head in decline. She doesn't miss how he freezes as if shocked by her honesty. He's not the only one.

"Is that why you didn't come to school?" His voice is barely a whisper now, as if they're sharing a secret only for their ears.

It's a question that doesn't need an answer so she chooses not to respond.

"What did you want to give me?" She breaks the moment, taking a step back until his fingers fall from her skin.

He stares at her for a moment before leaning forward, dangerously close and she tries to retreat but her feet are stuck to the floor as she watches his face get closer to her own. His hands reach over her shoulder and she tilts her head up to follow him, as he lowers his head and her heart skips as realization washes over her, he's going to kiss her. His lips are right there, supple and pink looming closer as her own drop open in surprise and....anticipation? She registers that he's going to kiss her and she might want him to. No. She does, she never knew she wanted this so ardently until it was just a breath away. And now she can't think of anything else but his lips on hers.

She's never been kissed before, never wanted to be either. In second grade and unlucky boy had tried to force a kiss on her, chasing her around the playground puckering his lips and tugging at her skirt. He'd only been able to kiss the sole of her shoe has she launched into a perfectly executed round house kick, shocking him more than hurting him but she'd been placed in time out for a week with no playtime or recess, she had felt no remorse. All the other boys who used to eye her with interest now looked terrified after that incident, no one ever tried to steal a kiss from her again.

She waits for her body's natural defense to kick in and for that itch under her skin to buzz, but it never comes because she doesn't feel unsafe. Knows that he won't hurt her despite her constant dismissal here he is, once again demanding a space in her sham of life. Instead of fear, nerves ravages her body as she pants loudly staring at his mouth only inches away. Is she allowed to want? She's never had the luxury before to desire such trivial things, it overwhelms her. Shocked by her own thinking and the dawning of feelings she didn't ask to have, she scurries backwards covering her mouth with her hands. Now that she knows that she desires this, she can't have it. She can't taint him with her darkness.

"What are you doing?"

He's smirking with a bag now in his hand intensely watching her and she feels transparent, he's looking straight through her and urge to hide is overbearing.

Turning around she sees his motorcycle and she almost laughs at her unnecessary mental break down.

He hadn't been trying to kiss her. That was merely a fantasy she created in her mind, whatever this was it wasn't romantic. Who could want something as broken and worthless as her, but more importantly her life was not her own to do what she desired. She was an object in her father's plan, a pawn that he could move as he saw fit. It was a mistake to yearn or even ponder, her fate had been decided long before she was born.

She shouldn't be here, should have never read his message or saved his number she's playing a dangerous game and in the end she'll be the one most damaged. She turns away, rushing to the door no longer curious about his gift. Curiosity is a privilege she isn't allowed.

"Hey! Where are you going?" He grabs her wrist, not scared to touch today. Her body is burning from all the spots he's already set aflame since he arrived.

"Let go!" She tugs her arm away and he sets her free at her barest resistance, but he leaves no space between towering over her and refusing to let her break eye contact. His cologne is distracting. Everything about him is.

"What were you expecting?" She fights the urge to blush as he glances down at her lips before focusing on her eyes.

"Nothing. I wasn’t expecting anything.” She will ensure that she doesn’t in the future, it’s not a lie but rather an oath to herself.

He stares at her unblinking, its unnerving and she squirms under the hard appraisal.

“Don’t you want to see your gift?” She shakes her head no, but it seems the question was rhetoric because he doesn’t wait for her answer or acknowledge when she refuses.

“I told you this reminded me of you.” He purrs softly, she’s never heard his voice like this. It’s so soft that it can barely be considered a whisper, he always acts like she is something fragile. She doesn’t know how to feel about it.

There's a rustle of a bag opening and then a weight on her head, reaching up she feels hard plastic and ridges and bumps. She knows what it is and she doesn't know how to respond, nothing has ever prepared her for this moment. She’d hidden it well while sitting in Ju-Kyung’s room looking at the child’s tiara, pretended to be annoyed to cover up the way her skin was sticky hot and sweaty.

When she was younger she had wanted a princess birthday party, with all the trimmings and decorations her eyes sparkled as she told her parents still full of hope and innocence then, believing that she could have anything she wanted if she asked. Her father’s guffaw had shattered that fantasy.

“We will not have a childish gathering, very important people will be there. You are not going to embarrass me.”

In the end there was no theme to her birthday and she didn’t get to wear the sparkling tiara she’d seen so many other little girls don on their birthday, she had no friends to invite and she sat alone and abandoned in her room.

And now, years later there is almost an identical replica sitting on her head. She sniffles looking hard at the ground, blinking rapidly but knowing it’s already too late.

“I told you to stop. Why won’t you listen? Just stop.” She’s crying now, there’s no way to hide the tears barreling down her cheeks. He looks taken back, hands reaching out for her and then dropping before reaching again.

“Sujin.”

Hearing him say her name instead of the persistent nickname only makes her sob harder, crying for the younger version of herself that just wanted to be loved and was beaten everyday instead. Wishing that Sujin had this, had someone who was willing to stay, who wanted to be there. She wouldn’t have dealt with such crippling loneliness.

“I have to go back inside.” She turns to unlock her door, scared of him and everything building between them.

He doesn’t stop her this time, she can feel his eyes heavy on her back and she halts when he calls out.

“Just.....don’t ignore my messages okay?”

She inhales, wiping at the wet sheet of tears on her face. She should ignore him, he is “do not answer” for a reason.

She nods slowly, “I won’t.” The scariest part is that she means it.

“Good. Come to school tomorrow, it’s boring without you.”

She doesn’t reply and closes the door without turning back, using it has support when her legs finally give out inside. All of her strength suddenly depleted.

She walks straight to her room, sitting at her large vanity looking back at a reflection of a girl she can't recognize.

The purple tiara sits ridiculously on top of her head, all flashy plastic rhinestones and glitter, something out of a child's dream. Her dream. She brings one trembling finger to touch it and without her permission her face breaks into a smile, it's small and fleeting but accompanied with the rosy blush on her cheeks she stares in shock at the face that looks so much like her but can't be.

"Who are you?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Seojun slips on his helmet roughly, he plans on texting her and making sure she keeps her promise. His heart is still recovering from her reaction to retrieving the gift, it was apparent she assumed something else was occurring. It almost looked like she thought he was going to kiss her but she hadn’t moved away, not right away. Did that mean.....

The engine of a sounds behind him shocks him out of his dangerous inklings and he twists his head to see sleek SUV pulling into the hidden garage, the metallic door lifting up to house the vehicle. He doesn’t move, eyes locked on the car. Hands tightening on the armbars he waits impatiently but determined. When the door finally opens and an older man steps out, shorter than him with salt and pepper hair and glasses on his weathered face his blood boils all at once.

“Can I help you? Do you have business here?”

Taking a deep grounding breath, he slides a leg over his motorcycle and revs it to life the rumbling engine calming his homicidal thoughts.

He will never forget this face, he looks like a normal middle-aged man nothing revealing the evil that lurks inside. Menacingly he slowly raises his hand, extending his pointer and lifting his thumb, darkly satisfied when a look of surprise flashes on the older man's face.

"Bang." He pulls back his finger sharply, and now the man is walking angrily towards him but he's ready for this and he twists the throttle and speeds off.

You're not going to hurt her anymore, I'll make sure if it.

The bike thundering beneath him echoes the powerful intent in his mind.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Her father’s pounding on her door shocked her so much the tiara fell off her head as she jolted, she'd carefully picked it up and hid it in a draw fiercely protective of the object already. She knew she shouldn’t keep it but she can’t imagine throwing it away.

Just for a little bit.

"You're meeting someone tomorrow, you'll go right after school. Stop at a store and buy an outfit, something fitting for a date. His father is someone I need on my side, don't mess this up."

She'd sat numb at her father's callous words, he clearly had no issue using his only child to gain favors from others.

"Oh and one more thing, I saw some delinquent outside he even threatened me. You better not know who that punk is. If I ever see him around here again I'll call the police."

That comment has been replaying in her mind all day, he shouldn't have come over yesterday and she shouldn't have humored him by going outside. She kept forgetting rationality around him and it would get them both in danger, her father had all but promised that.

After some careful consideration, she decides to seek him out because school is the safest place they can interact without her father knowing.

He's not in the classroom and she tries to think about where else the boy might be, he's usually never too far from her and she realizes that she hasn't seen him today besides their morning classes. He'd seemed distant then, barely looking at her before drooping off to sleep.

After searching the entire school she's no closer to finding the boy and she sighs in exasperation, why is he so elusive today when she commonly can't get him to leave her alone?

Pulling out her phone, she hesitates for a second before mustering the courage.

Where are you?

Staring at the message she clicks the heel of her shoe, watching the message change from delivered and to read. Her stomach clenches as she waits to see his response, maybe he's already tired of her and finally decided to listen to her advice?

Hating the way her heart thumps in anticipation she moves to pocket her phone but before she can complete the movement, it vibrates to life in her hand.

She freezes.

It's foolish because she sent the first message and she's looking for him but now she's too nervous to check her phone.

Thinking of the soothing beating of his heart on that day, she feels her own heart calming.

Feeling fortified, she lifts the phone and with a sigh opens the message.

In the gym. Why? You miss me?

Is this what this emotion is? This gnawing feeling in her chest when she couldn't find him, it can't be right? They are nothing to each other, correction she's nothing to him.

So no, she can’t miss him.

She clears her thoughts as she walks to the gym, wondering why she never considered looking there.

Sweat and musk clings in the air when she presses the double doors open and all eyes shift to her instantly, slipping on her mask she suppresses the nerves lurking behind her placid stare.

Meeting his eyes across the room, she can't help but notice how sweaty he looks his fringe sticking to his forehead and a droplet rolls down his forearm. Swallowing deeply she closes the gap between them, peering up at him. Discomforted at the way she feels when he slowly smiles at her.

"We need to talk." She doesn't wait for his answer, grabbing his wrist and tugging him from the room. Pretending she doesn't feel all the eyes watching their every movement, everyone needs to just mind their own business.

When they're outside, away from the audience she releases his arm. His heat warming her own cool palm. Suddenly he grabs her hand, twisting them and stroking at the raw shredded skin.

She snatches her hand away harshly, glaring at him. But his angry stare douses her own, a thick vein protrudes from his forehead.

"Did he do this to you? He growls, his fists tightening into balls again.

She stares at him in confusion, unprepared for the level of frustration he's exuding.

Feeling like honestly will be the best thing she shakes her head in decline, "No. I did this to myself."

Disgust. Malice. Contempt. She waits for any of those emotions to cover his face but he's never logical.

"Why?"

Concern. Always genuine concern.

She's never thought of the reason behind her strange compulsion, the desire to wash her hands overwhelming at times.

She's not ready to ponder the psychosis of her actions, not with him and not with herself.

"Did you see my father yesterday?" She changes the topic, regaining control over the conversation before he derails it too far off track.

His lips twists illustrating his displeasure at her obvious attempt to dodge his question but he looks away before replying.

"Yes. After you left, I saw him."

"Did he see your face?"

His eyes dart over her face, as he's searching for an answer to a question only he knows.

Slowly he drawls, "No. I had my helmet on. He didn't see me."

The same moment she releases a sigh of relief he cheekily asks, "Were you worried about me?"

Staring at his smirking face she feels her anger flare back to life passionately.

“Do you think this is a joke? He can destroy you! Stop acting without thinking about the consequences!” She whispers harshly at him, very aware of their precarious situation in the hallway and how easily rumors can spread in this god forsaken school.

“You are worried about me.” He looks even more pleased as he nods smugly.

“Are you insane? Did you listen to a word I said. Seojun, this isn’t a joke!”

He steps closer, eyes harden sharply like someone flipped a switch. “You don’t need to worry about me. He can’t do anything to me, I’m going to protect you.”

Protect her. No one has ever uttered those words to her, and she lets them wash over her before rejecting them, sneering at him with contempt at his brazen claim she says, “Stop saying nonsense. You need to worry about yourself.”

She walks away with her heart firmly lodged in her throat.

I’m going to protect you.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ju-Kyung and Su-ah are disappointed when she tells them that she can’t go with them for tteokbokki but they don’t ask her too many questions, easily believing her lie about going to night classes. She hates lying to them but there’s no way to explain what she’s doing without exposing too much about her father.

She rushes out of the school thankfully running into no one, not even a certain nosy shadow. He’s shrouded by his friends and girls who swoon at the sight of him looking in disdain she leaves the school, reminding herself this is how it’s supposed to be.

The boutique is expensive, a store associate greeting her at the door and showing her around immediately as if she can smell the money on her. She couldn’t care less about what she wears and she informs the clerk to choose whatever she thinks is appropriate for a date, the word poisonous on her tongue. It’s her first date and it’s with someone she has no amorous feelings for, someone she has never even met before. She walks out of the store with her uniform folded neatly in a bag as she decided to walk out in the new outfit. The clerk had chosen a soft lilac dress with chiffon ruffles lining the hem and shoulders, paired with a white heels and a matching bag. She allowed it because it felt nothing like her, she would have never chosen this for a date and that made her feel like she got to keep a little bit of herself, he wouldn’t be getting the real her.

She checks the address on her phone once more, walking to the street corner to hail a cab feeling like she’s off to an execution.

But that’s when she hears a feminine cry, looking around frantically she sees a young girl across the street surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves, high school boys. They are all laughing and rowdy, seemingly unbothered by the terrified wide gaze of their supposed prey. The cab driver beeps his horn at her impatiently and she ignores it, instinctively making her decision. Running across the street with no thought of her own safety, she smacks away a dirty paw that is reaching out for the trembling girl, her eyes made larger by the huge glasses resting on the bridge of her pert nose. She seems oddly familiar.

“What are you scum bags doing?” She steps in front of the girl shielding her from their unwanted attention.

They all cheer and holler, turning to jostle each other as if they have been given a gift.

With a smarmy smile, one of the boys steps forward pursuing her body with hungry eyes, “Well look here boys, we caught an ever better catch. Look at this sexy little thing.”

He grabs his palms together as they all shout in agreement and when she feels a hand on her wrist, she twists away pulling herself out her reach and swiftly kicks him in the knee he falls to the ground with a grunt of pain.

“What the fuck! You bitch!” He curses at her and another boy lunges forward to grab her but she easily ducks out of his reach and punches in in the chest. The other boys watch in clear astonishment, slowly retreating from her with their hands outreached trying to placate her.

“Hey, hey we’re sorry we were just messing with her. We’re going okay, calm down.”

But then she feels a hand on her ankle and she turns to dig her sharp heel into the offending hand, his scream of pain ringing pleasantly in her ears.

“Get out of my sight before I break your face.”

They all rush to follow her order, picking up their fallen friends on the ground hurling more curses in her direction but leaving with their tails between their legs, pathethic little vermin.

“Are you okay?” She turns to the younger girl with gentle eyes, looking over her body for any injuries and relaxing when she sees nothing out of place.

“Ye-s-s.” She stutters out looking at her with something akin to wonder and awe in her eyes, she shifts uncomfortably under the stare. She isn’t anyone’s hero, she just did what anyone would do.

“Okay. Get home safely. “ She starts to walk away but then a small hand grips her forearm, turning back with curious eyes she looks at the other girl waiting for her to explain.

“Thank you. This is the second time you’ve saved me.”

She looks at the other girl in confusion, taking in her face and those glasses and suddenly the memory resurfaces in her mind. The girl’s bathroom and all those jealous girls ganging up on her, breaking her down because she was better than them she hated those people the worst. Bullies that were so insecure that they lashed out and tried to hurt others, she had grown up seeing one her whole life.

“That was you.”

“You’re always saving me. Thank you so much.’

Shaking her head she replies, “I wasn’t the one who saved you that day. It as Ju-Kyung, I only came at the end. You don’t need to thank me.”

But the other girl ignores her and begins to bow deeply repeating her words of gratitude, she reaches out to bring her back up.

“Stop. You don’t need to do this.”

“Do you want to get some coffee?” She blinks at the sudden question, blinking and then staring some more.

“I just feel so grateful to you, I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t come. You’ve helped me so much, it’s the least I can do. Please.”

She checks her watch discretely, there is still some time before her “date” and looking at the round pleading eyes of the girl she feels her resolve weaken, sighing she goes against her good sense and nods.

“Okay, we can get some coffee. But I have another.....engagement.” She struggles to find the correct word for the sham of a date and settles on that. She would much rather call it a business transaction but that would yield too many questions.

The young girl beams at her, animatedly dragging her off her excited voice sweet and high as she praises a nearby coffee shop.

“My Oppa works there, he can give us free coffee!” She states with youthful entitlement evident in her tone, she has no doubt that she will be given what she wants. It must be nice.

The coffee shop is a quaint spot, she’s never noticed it before despite being in this area before. A bell rings announcing their arrival and they both walk up to the register.

“Oppa! I’m here!” The girl calls out, leaning easily across the counter with no sense of decency, there are no other customers in the store though so there’s no one to judge her and Sujin finds her behavior oddly cute, she’s quite the ball of energy.

“Oh, you’re here?”

A chill runs down her spine. She knows that voice. But it can’t be?

But life isn’t done making a mockery of her yet because Seojun turns around, coffee pot in his hand looking...interesting in his uniform she takes the image in greedily before forcing her eyes away.

“Can we have free coffee? This is my unnie Kang Sujin.”

“Unnie?” They both cry at the same time and the younger girl immediately grabs onto her arm, huge puppy eyes penetrating her face. “Can I call you unnie? You already saved me two times. I feel like you’re my guardian angel.”

She stands shocked by the girl’s admission but before the words are finished processing in her foggy mind, Seojun shouts out looking murderous “Saved you? Did someone try to bully you again? Who is it? I’ll kill them.”

Unsure of who she should reply to she just stares at them both like a fish on land. floundering around. They are both such forces of nature.

“I’m fine Oppa.” She watches the girl roll her eyes as if his behavior is common and something to be peeved about, “These boys were trying to bother me but unnie came and beat them up! It was like something out of a movie, they all ran away crying.” The girl tries to demonstrate the moves waving her arms and legs around wildly, almost knocking the coffee cup from her brother’s hand.

“Hey!” He yells in warning, moving the hot pot away. “Be careful before you hurt yourself.”

The younger girl looks chastised for merely a second before she’s announcing she needs to use the bathroom and running off, leaving them alone to stare after her.

Awkward silence remains in the wake of her departure.

She’s tempted to run away, he is the last person she wants to see right now.

“You really did that? For Go-woon ah?” His voice is soft, almost shy. For once he isn’t the same self-assured Seojun she’s used to see, he looks younger and the resemblance between the siblings is uncanny now with him looking at her with the same look of awe, his little sister had just minutes ago.

“I.....yes I helped her. They were idiots, I did for myself. They were an eye sore.”

But despite her dismissal, he smiles-toothy and ridiculously charming. It’s almost painful to look at, he shouldn’t be allowed to smile like that.

She stares at him lost in his smile and when he reaches out to grasp her hand, she doesn’t fight it helplessly leaning closer to meet him over the counter, their eyes are locked as the space between them shortens, their bodies moving as if they’re opposite ends of a magnet.

“Thank you for helping my sister.” He breathes out, his deep voice smooth and airy suddenly there isn’t enough air in the room. He rubs a thumb across the expanse of her hand, and she forgets to be self-conscious and simply enjoys the tender caress.

“Oppa! Can we get free coffee or not? Why aren’t you making it?” Go-woon’s loud voice shatters the intimate moment as they both fly apart, she moves halfway across the room in her shock.

Go-woon looks between them both suspiciously, “Did I interrupt something? You both look guilty.”

“No!” They shout in sync again, Sujin groans realizes that this probably only serves at making them look even more guilty. Go-woon’s mischievous eyes confirm her thoughts.

“I’ll make your coffee. You can both have a seat.”

Go-woon starts to walk away to find a table, but she checks her watch again realizing she doesn’t have much time left if she’s going to be on time, she has to leave now.

“Can I have mine to go? I have to be somewhere and I’m almost late.”

Then Go-woon chirps in, “Me too oppa! I just realized I have to start a project, I should go home.”

He stares at them both blankly before shifting his gaze to Sujin, “Where are you going?” He asks finally taking in her outfit, his gaze starting on her face and boldly sliding down her figure. His stare is hot enough to burn.

Go-woon giggles answering for her, “Oppa look at her, come on. it’s clear she’s going on a date. Boys really don’t know anything.”

She blanches as how easily the young girl is able to correctly assess the situation, she hadn’t thought it would be that easy to see.

Seojun’s eyes harden as he turns away, staring at the coffee brewer as it works. He grabs two cups and pours the dark hot liquid in, before adding milk and a syrup and a layer of whipped cream on top. Go-woon hums happily clearly this is her preference as he hadn’t asked her how she wanted her coffee.

He silently hands the cups to them both. His face is blank and unreadable vast difference from the beatific smile he had blessed her with earlier. She feels as if she has done something wrong, but she has no clue what that is.

“Go straight home and don’t talk to anyone. Call me when you get home alright?”

Go-woon is barely listening to him instead she’s happily licking at the thick layer of cream on her cup cooing at the sweetness.

“Unnie, thank you again. I hope you enjoy your date, I’ll see you at school!” She suddenly has an armful of Go-woon before the girl is bounding out the door with only a “Bye oppa” to her brother thrown over her shoulder.

“You haven’t said it’s not true yet?”

She turns back to look at him, tilting her head lightly before sipping from her cup. She’s never had coffee this sweet, but it’s delicious so she takes another sip humming at the flavor.

He looks away for a moment, his chest expanding deeply before he turns back to her.

“What are you talking about?”

“Your date. That you have a date, is that true?”

She raises an eyebrow at this straightforwardness, gone in the shy boy she only saw for a minute and this is the Seojun she is familiar with.

“I didn’t.” She agrees.

“Why?”

“Because it’s true. I am going on a date.”

During the conversation he started wiping down the already pristine counter but at her words his hand freezes and she watches his fist tighten in the wash cloth he ultimately throws it to the side to direct all his focus on her now, no longer nonchalant and unbothered.

“With who? Do you like him?”

She laughs meanly at his question, “You’re so naïve to my world. A date is just another business transaction, he is the son of someone my father needs on his side. I’m his peace offering.”

“What?” He barks loudly, looking like he wants to hurt someone. She can imagine who that person might be.

“Don’t get attached to me. My life isn’t mine to live.” She says tired of this discussion and all the feelings he has brought to the surface. Lifting her coffee cup she bids him farewell, “Thank you for the coffee.”

She doesn’t give him a chance to reply, already knows what he’s going to say but he doesn’t understand everything isn’t as black and white as he keeps assuming they are he needed a reality check, so she provided one.

Once on the sidewalk she checks her phone, she only has twenty minutes to spare. She can’t afford to wait for a cab so she opens the cab service app, entering the address and sighing in relief when the ETA says that she will arrive in fifteen minutes. Accepting the charge and confirming her location she sighs before lowering her phone, waiting.

But then she feels arms curl around her shoulder, bringing her back into a solid surface she almost fights the sudden embrace until he whispers in the side of her head, “Don’t go.”

She tries to pull away but he only holds her tighter, his arms are strong as he holds her firmly against his body. His warmth soaks into her skin and the urge to fight melts away as she relaxes into his embrace, he smells like the deep roast he had poured for them and something inexplicably Seojun that can’t be described with mere words.

“Stop,” She pleads with him, she has to go even if the idea of going on a date with someone else makes her sick to her stomach.

Someone else. Where did that come from? Did that mean that she wanted to go on a date with Seojun?

She can’t answer that question, doesn’t want to deal with the reality.

“No. I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop. Sujin, don’t go.”

She shivers as his words curl around her just as warm and tempting as his arms around her shoulders.

“Why are you doing this?” She demands, her eyes already filling up with tears of frustration she’d convinced herself she had to do this, let herself be used. It was easier this way to listen to her father. But he’s making everything hard and she needs to know why he cares.

“Why do you care who I go on a date with? Why are you doing this?” She screams into the air, deflating into his arms after her tantrum. Letting him brunt the entirety of her weight, he doesn’t even budge easily holding her up. He shifts his body, bringing his chin onto her head and holding her tighter, leaving no space between them.

“Isn’t it obvious by now princess?”

She opens her mouth to berate him, not that damn nickname again. He seriously needed to stop that before she got accustomed to it even now instead of annoyance a foreign emotion rose up inside of her.

“I told you to stop calling me tha--”

“I like you.”

The breath is punched from her lungs and her head swims with his words and she has no retort, no quick rebuttal, nothing. He has left her utterly and devastatedly speechless.

#true beauty #true beauty kdrama #han seojun #kang sujin #Seojin #turning up the heat #I just love straightforward characters #your honor she's his princess #true beauty fix it

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pebblysand · 4 years

Text

of tyres that blow (extended author’s note of chapter v. of castles)

- - TO READ THE CHAPTER ITSELF, CLICK HERE. - -

Oh, what a month it has been. Well, a month and two days - I’m a bit late updating. I’ve had two good things happen, writing wise. 1) I got my first original short story published (!!!!) (you can read it here) and 2) I put out a little one-shot about Fleur Delacour that I’m super happy about and gave me an idea about a new series (more on that later this week, I hope. I might need help with prompts!). Regardless, this latest Irish lockdown is fucking endless and I sometimes wonder if this fic isn’t just an outlet for my feelings of lockdown-induced loneliness, apathy, but also a constant argument that I have with myself thinking: for the love of god, just pull yourself up, will you? You’re a Gryffindor, goddamn it. I certainly wish my fucked up sleeping patterns on no one, although I may or may have Mary-Sued that onto Harry, lol. (Spoiler alert: he’s scheduled to get some real sleep in next chapter. All bets are off regarding whether I will.)

This chapter was surprisingly easy to write (I basically vomited out chapters iv, v, and vi over the span of a week in December) but incredibly difficult to edit. For days, I just couldn’t concentrate, wrote and re-wrote and felt like everything was shite. Then, I realised it’d become this 19,000-words long monster so I had to cut a lot of shit out. We ended up with 15,898 words which I suppose is better?

I do wonder: do people mind long chapters? Like, I know as fanfic reader, I personally prefer longer formats and rarely gravitate towards works that are less than 3,000 words. I love just getting buried into a story, into plots rather than single scenes. This being said, every time I write something that I deem too long (i.e. above 10k) I have these excruciating struggles where I wonder: should I cut it in half? should I leave it as is? I decided to split the last one. Then, I decided not to split this one because (you may notice this or not, I’m not sure) it’s kind of built a certain way, geared towards basically getting to the last two paragraphs. Like, when you get there, it’s a bit of an ah-ha moment, but I couldn’t get to that ah-ha moment without all the build up before it. It’s the accumulation of all of these little details that feel like they don’t matter. And as Harry says in the end, they don’t, in the grand scheme of things, but also they do. Like, everyday life doesn’t matter until you lose it. Then, it does, if that makes sense.

In terms of next update... I’ve decided to get my law licence transferred to France and the EU (it’s a long story), which means that I need to bloody, fucking study. The exams are at the end of March so my current plan is: hardcore study until the end of february. Mix study/writing in early march and hopefully get chapter vi out mid-March, then hardcore study until the end of March. Please, if you see me posting then, tell me off in the comments cause god, I really need to pass. Now, I will go have my traditional i-ve-put-a-chapter-out shot of limoncello and let you read the below :).

...spoilers for castles, chap v. under the cut -

I’ve done a lot of thinking about what this chapter is meant to be about. Obviously (I hope), every chapter has a point, in this story. Chapter 1 is about time (the way it passes and blurs when your mind’s a complete mess), chapter 2 is about hope, chapter 3 is about inevitability and the consequences of trauma, chapter 4 is about becoming an adult and growing into your own skin, etc. I think this one is about fear. How you feel it, and how you overcome it. Like, Harry takes a decision to stand up, fight, do the interview, regardless of the fact that he is scared (for his life, for that of the people he loves), and finds buried inside him a lot of the courage that he (felt) he lost, after the war. He learns to control his fear of the world by figuring out how apprehend it, through the training Giulia gives him, through learning how to kill, too.

But, it’s also about fear in society. How the attack on Robards sets everyone on edge and how they keep going regardless. I initially wrote this chapter with the idea that it was going to be about speaking out and being brave, but obviously, fear and fighting against it is a huge part of that, too.

Then, there’s Mia. Obviously, this fic is Harry/Ginny endgame but I do like the idea of Harry (and possibly Ginny as well) dating at least one other person, before officially tying the knot. Like, yes, Ginny is obviously coming back next chapter. She’ll probably own the second half of next chapter, if I’m honest, considering they’re obviously going to the burrow for christmas. I love Ginny, I’ve missed her and honestly, I can’t wait to bring her back. This being said, to be fair, I’ve kind of realised that this fic may actually be the first I ever write that isn’t strictly “shippy.” Like, yes, their relationship is a huge part of it (it’s a huge part of his life) and it will and was always going to be a huge part of this story but I think this fic is larger than that. It’s a result of my years-long obsession over: but what happens next? Over what “all was well” really means, in a general sense. How do they get to “nineteen years later” and beyond. But yeah, I’ve missed Ginny and I’m glad she’s on her way back to us now.

Now, obviously. Giulia. I’m sorry. This was always going to happen. Well, almost always. I remember when I first wrote her in, she was a bit of a filler character. At the time, the thing with Mia was supposed to happen in last chapter and I actually had (have) much more backstory around her, than around Giulia. She and Harry were going to have proper conversations (will they ever, who knows?), really get to know each other. But then, Giulia came first narratively and shone through the page. I started writing her and she had this personality and life of her own and I couldn’t bring myself to curtail her.

Now, we all know how it is: fanfics can only tolerate so many OCs. So, I had to choose between putting Mia at the forefront, or Giulia. I chose Jules.

Then, in chapter 4, I wrote this:

Her first lesson is to teach him how to drive the patrol car. ‘I don’t know why we use them,’ she explains, honest, and Harry vaguely wonders if he should be taking notes. ‘Reckon the Ministry saw them being used by Muggles, had to prove they could do better. They like making noise, the Ministry, don’t they? Lots of sirens and shite.’

Politely, Harry hides a chuckle behind a cough. He clearly doesn’t know yet that he doesn’t need to, that Giulia’s sarcastic sense of humour is one of the things that he’ll come to appreciate the most in this world, over the next few months. That the sound of her voice is one he’ll try to never, ever forget. That in the speech that he’ll give when he makes Head Auror, over a decade later, he’ll think of her and say: ‘Okay, let’s try to not just be sirens and shite, all right?’

This kind of tumbled out without me really thinking about it until I really looked at it and thought: fuck, why is he talking about her past tense, like that. Like “the sound of her voice is one he’ll try to never, ever forget.” Why would he forget it, though? And so, just like that, came her death sentence. For that, I apologise. It killed me too, and I cried when I wrote it in (especially when I wrote next chapter, actually, first time I ever made myself cry writing, if I’m honest) but it just needed to happen. It’s how Ginny and he get back together (I mean, obviously - is that even a spoil) because he’s grieving but she’s grown stronger and steady and she’s able to be there in a way that she wasn’t last summer. It did occur to me that god, all his mentors/father figures come to die, don’t they? But honestly, I kind of thing that his real mentor will be Robards, at the end of the day. She was just the one who allowed him to get back on his feet.

One last note: I’ve been meaning to put this into the fic for ages but have never found the right moment to write it in. In the meantime, I’ll just say it here, because I don’t know if this has frustrated some of yous - I know it might have driven me mad. There is a logic to the Muggle/Wizard swearing/exclamations in the fic. Obviously, this is an adult fic so they swear normally, like eighteen-year-olds would in this (I decided that very early on), but also there’s “God”-s and “Merlin”-s and things like that.

Now, I think that throughout this fic, although Harry hasn’t mentioned it yet (cause it never fucking fits anywhere) Hermione’s been having a sort of Muggle reckoning. She - in conscience - decides to start swearing/exclaiming “like a Muggle” after the war. If you notice, she only ever says “god”, never “Merlin.” Harry uses both interchangeably although he tends to use Merlin more when he thinks about wizard stuff, but God when he thinks about Muggle stuff (like when he’s with Mia). Ron only swears in “wizard” but I think he might start using Muggle expletives as well in the later chapters because of Hermione rubbing off on him.

The fact that I even think about all that stuff is pathetic and I need to get a life. But that’s for another post, altogether.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you liked it :).

#hp fanfic #hinny #Harry Potter fic #i have not proofread this rambling mess so read at your own risk #writing #blah #new chapter is up

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pernatius · 4 years

Text

Lost in Space Part 3: Ch 3

Ch 2

Summary: Sending the Earth to its doom, an unnamed Space Explorer must now try to prevent the demise of millions of humans by risking her life.

Five chapters, 10k works, and in one week.

Part 1: ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5

Part 2: ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5

------------------------

Getting out of the ship, we stepped onto a floating island. Hundreds of intertwining branches stood in front of us. Below us, roots masked the dirt. Further down below, underneath the island, stood a deep, massive crater that must’ve stretched for miles.

A shiver ran up his spine, causing him to rub either arm. “I don’t like the look of this place. Why are we even here anyway?”

“Whoever this client of hers is must know something, but if it’s not much at least it’ll be better than nothing.”

“Then, let’s find this guy before it gets dark. This place is giving me the creeps” So, we all headed inside without another word. Although, as soon as we enter the little forest, not only are we met with a dense fog but screams as well. “You two keep your guns at the ready.”

Heading deeper, the fog became denser and the screams became louder. It had me clutch Saamuki’s gun tighter but caused my hand to shake as well. If something or someone were to attack I wouldn’t be ready to defend. I’d miss, giving our attacker the time to slaughter them before my eyes.

I imagine a beast made out of shadow lunging towards us. It’s much smaller and slimmer than Mikrovos. However, it’s because of those features it’s so quick. It stabs him with his claws, cutting right through his ribs and ripping out his heart. It then squeezes it, forcing him to cry and gasp. Once it explodes he falls to the floor in his pool of blood. Next comes Ashley. While she doesn’t suffer the same treatment it’s painful nonetheless. It grabs and lifts her by her head. With her, I’m at least able to finally aim the gun, but it’s too late. All I can do is touch the trigger before it squeezes her head. It lets go of her. As I try to keep my cool, as I try to avenge their deaths, it slowly trudges towards me. I finally shoot, but the blast goes right through it. Stepping back as I cry, I trip. Before my head can hit the floor, it grabs me by my collar. My eyes then meet with its soulless expression.

Ashley waves her hand in front of me. I blink. “Hey. I’ve been calling you for the last minute. I think we found their place,” she explained worriedly.

“Oh. Really?” Looking past her, I see a little hut with smoke coming out of its chimney. “Then, what are we waiting for? Let’s see what this person's about.”

I take the lead. I feel both their eyes looking at me, judging me. They quickly follow soon after.

I don’t get to knock at their door because right when my fist is about to hit, it swings open. We’re greeted to an empty, but warm room as inside its fireplace flames cough out of it. Seeing this, that there’s seemingly no one in sight, we all looked at each other fully confused and especially creeped out, but we don’t plan to leave empty-handed. So, Mikrovos takes a step inside. He takes the lead, but he doesn’t get too far because both me and Ashley are pushed inside by the slamming of the door.

Guns at the ready and Mikrovos readying himself as well, a gust of wind flies past us. It kills the fire. Pitch blackness fills the room, but with a snap of some disembodied fingers, the fire relighted. With it, a man stands before us. He looks human, but he looks more apelike. He’s mostly covered in fur. So, his skin is barely visible. Both of his arms have been replaced with robotic arms as well.

“It appears things have changed.” His eyes focus on both me and Ashley.

We sat in a circle with cups of tea in front of us. The three of us hesitate to drink it. Ashley has it swirl inside her cup and Mikrovos sniffs it. I just hold it up as our mysterious companion takes a sip of his.

“What did you mean about how things have changed,” I asked.

Setting his cup down and swallowing down the sip he just took, “While it is true me, you, and your friend over there may not be alike, and I wouldn’t blame you for thinking so, we are more alike than you think.”

“And what exactly do you mean by that?”

“During humanity’s cultural revival, it split into two different groups. Two different histories began that day. One side had a gift and wanted to share it with the stars and the other wanted to remain on Earth to continue their petty wars.”

“Then,” I set the cup down with such force that a droplet of the tea goes up then goes back down into the now rippling liquid, “you’re human too.”

After finally trying it, Mikrovos spits out the tea. He accidentally aims it at the man showing us hospitality, but it thankfully doesn’t come close to touching him. It’s blocked by a force field that was quickly manifested by his mechanical hand. It then falls to the floor. Steam rises from the now marked piece of floor. We look at him as he explains, “It was a little too hot.”

As Mikrovos fans his tongue, he continues, “Technically, yes. However, we’re more like cousins rather than siblings.”

Ashley pitches into the main conversation, “Let’s say we believe you. Where are the others like you?”

“I abandoned my people a long time ago to pursue something more. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to contact any of them ever since.”

Speaking with his burned tongue out, “As much as I’d like to hear the rest of this history lesson, this isn’t what we came here for.”

“You’re right. We came here to ask if you know anything that can help us with Saamuki.”

“Saamuki? I haven’t seen her in a while. Did something happen?”

“She’s fine, but we need to know if you have anything that can help us sneak her past her boss. Look, it’s a long story, but we don’t have time to explain,” I clarified.

“Cabelo,” he strokes his chin, “I’ve always had a bad feeling about him. So, it doesn’t surprise me he did something or is planning to do something to her. Well, let’s see, Saamuki did tell me the fifth time I asked for her services that Cabelo goes underneath the hotel for an hour. He does it around midnight, but I’d be wary about sneaking around that late. That’s when the hotel is the most guarded.”

“Really? Then, it’ll be easy. We just get in and get out during that time.” While his words sounded like he was accepting this information his tone said otherwise.

However, Ashley doesn’t catch it. “Easier said than done, Mikrovos. How are getting inside in the first place?”

“Well, if Cabelo can go underneath the hotel then there must be hidden passageways there.”

“So, we risk getting caught by Cabelo no less?”

While Ashley and Mikrovos argue I get a burning pain on the back of my neck that causes me to twitch. It’s much more painful than the many electric shocks it injected into me before. So, I grab the site and tear up. They notice, which gets them to move towards me, but I don’t get to see what they do next because my vision faded out from the hut and faded into the infamous spaceship.

Syco stands before me. Darkness surrounded us as a single light shined above. “Hello again, human.”

“S-Syco? Where am I? How did I-”

“Now. Now. Your body is still where it was previously. All that I have moved is your mind.” I lift my hands to my face. I’m able to see through them. “I too was baffled about how advanced Earthling technology has become. However, it still is primitive.”

“Why am I here? Where is even here anyway?”

“Don’t tell me you have forgotten already. I’m here to tell you about the update upon your signup to the tournament.” My heart dropped. I had completely forgotten about it. “Ah, now you remember. Anyways, and unsurprisingly, my convincing was a success. It will take place within our spaceship, which will be above your homeworld. As based on your coordinates, it starts when that planet turns completely dark. So, I bid you a good rest of your day.”

The last thing I see is him bowing, but the next thing I see is Ashley crying into my chest. I move her away from me and wipe away her tears. “Ashley?”

“You fell. We tried waking you up. You stopped breathing. I thought I lost you,” she whimpered.

“What happened,” Mikrovos questioned.

“It was Syco. He told me that it’s going to take place above Earth later tonight.”

“Syco? That sounds familiar, but I’m not so sure why,” our new ally said as he stroked his chin again.

“But, Saamuki…”

“Sorry, but she’s going to have to wait a bit longer.” It hurt to say that. It might not have hurt as much as how he had to swallow that down, but my throat tightened after it came out of my mouth. Between the branches that made up the hut, I saw the light of the planet’s sun cut through them. Because of this, I saw their shadows creep closer and closer to us. “We need to leave. Now.”

Before I get up I help her up. Upon me standing up my friend does as well. I then thank our recently made ally for his information, but we don’t part from each other so soon. “Please, I would like to come with you. I would like to help with your plan with Saamuki, but I also need to know why that name you spoke of earlier sounds so familiar.”

The three of us look at one another, but because of how limited our time is, “Fine. Okay. Just show us a faster way out of this forest.”

He places his hand in front of me. I take it. “My name is Skeema and I’ll help you any way I can for the time being.”

We left the island much faster than when we entered. Once we get into the ship I order the AI to fly us to Earth. It does. As it flies us, I see Skeema’s hand brush against the walls of the ship.

“I don’t like this,” my fur-covered friend whispered to me.

“He just gave us the information we wanted. Besides, we don’t have time to drop him off.”

“I know, but you heard it. He knows Syco. What if he double-crosses us?”

“Skeema said he might know him, but you can just pierce your horns into him if he does.”

“I don’t think with those hi-tech arms I’ll be able to do anything to him anytime soon.”

“If you keep a close eye on him I’m sure he won’t try to do anything.”

“You don’t need to tell me.” He squints at Skeema and huffs.

I head towards Ashley. She’s sitting, so I take a seat right next to her. “You okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just that I don’t want to lose you again. For weeks I wondered if I was ever going to see you again. For a while, I believed that kiss was our last.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“No, I’m sorry, Ashley. I’m so sorry I got us into this situation.”

“I know this is probably a terrible thing to ask, but,” she hugs herself, “How are you going to make it out? How are you going to fight against hundreds of Tauvoxes? You know how strong Mikrovos is. How are you going to fight his people?”

“I-I don’t know. I don’t need all my memories to know I’m not a fighter. I survived out in space because I’ve always had people to protect me.”

I look away from her, but this doesn’t stop her from placing her hand onto my cheek. Her thumb caresses it. I didn’t know it, but I was crying. “I’m sorry. We’ll find a way. We’ll find a way to save you and Earth.”

I stopped crying, but I didn’t stop thinking. No matter how much I would like to get out of this I know I have to do this. If I could push them away, so that they’re not able to see what’s to come I would. So, that it could just be me like it should’ve been right from the beginning.

#191 #lost in space #writers on tumblr #writeblr #writers #creative writing #spilled ink #wlw #fiction #space

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zzarizzaristore · 4 years

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3D2N STAYCATION

So my bebe surprised me (ayiieee) actually hindi lang naman ako kase pati ang buong pamilya HHAAHAHA NA VIVISIT SIYAAAA YAAYYY So ayun hahaha super wala naman akong idea na makakapunta na siya here kase nga MECQ pa and walang public transpo, plus walang bike, plus, wala rin siyang quarantine pass. So hindi namin talaga alam kung ano pang ibang way para magkita na ulit kami after more than two months. (huhuhu) Pero shempre meron pa rin namang way. At yun ay kung papayag si Ate First na ihatid siya here hahahha sobrang tagal na naming nag-iisip kung pano na nga kami magkikita after ECQ ganyan. Kase shempre mahirap naman mag-public transpo. So, bibili ng bike. Nagtitingin tingin na siya online, pero ang mamahal. Hindi rin naman kami magaling tumingin kung maganda na ba yung bike na yun for that price mga ganun. Nento nento ko lang din namention kay Nanay na interested nga siya magbuy ng bike. Tas sabi niya edi dun daw sa may Zapote. Edi tinanong ko magkano ang range ng mga bike dun ganern. Tas shempre depende daw yun kung ano ang gusto niya. Tas na yung isang bike na bago bago lang ang itchura na binabike here, dun daw nabili yun sabi ni Nanay. 6k. And I think reasonable naman ang price kase mukha pa ngang bago bago lang and parang mga 10k yung orig price ganern. Tas ayun na nga HAAHHA Shempre surprised talaga ako kase kahit naman pinayagan na siya ng fam umalis, EH HINDI NGA MAKAKALABAAASS HAHAHAHA Tapos na super wala sa utak ko na pupunta siya ng maaga kase around 2pm na normal niyang gising HHAAHHA So ayun. Normal day, normal tong its sa umaga HAHAHHA Tas biglang may tumigil na sasakyan sa tapat ng bahay. Edi nag-pause kami para tumingin. AND SIYA ANG LUMABAS SA KOTSE NA YUNNNN!!!! (WAAAHHHH!!!!) Pinapasok namin siya shempre and TULOY PA RIN ANG TONG ITS!!! HAHAAHAHAH Pinalaro ko rin siya and sabi niya mag-order na nga raw ako Zark’s (WIIIHHHH!!!) Nag-open ako ng foodpanda para may shopback hehe kaso wala eh. So try ng grab. Wala rin. Last chance, lalafood. Meron sa lalafood kaso wala yung bundle promos eh. So nag-decide kami na tawagan ko na nga yung mobile number ng Zark’s. Tas ayun. Na wala raw silang delivery. Tas sabi ko kahit nakalagay na nagdedeliver sila via Angkas. Tas wala raw ngayon mahirap. Tas ayun. Sabi sakin na ako na lang daw magtry. Sabi ko kung pwede sila nalang baka mas madali. Tas sige raw. Update niya ko. Tas nagmessage after, mahirap raw makapagbook ng driver sabi. Marami rin daw natawag sa kanila ngayon nahihirapan din magpabook kase busy nga raw ang mga riders. Btw, nag try nga pala muna kami nug ‘MyKuya’ na app. Parang pasabay something. KASO WOW ANG MAHAL NG DEL CHARGEEEE HAHAHAHA Tas ayun. Sabi ko liligo na lang muna me. Tas after maligo, nagtext pala ulit yung sa Zark’s. Na tatry pa rin daw niya ganern. Sabi ko sige. Mag wait kami ng hanggang 2pm. Kase nga baka pag hindi ko nainform, madouble order ko. Tas ayun. By past 2, tumawag ako kung may nabook na. Wala pa rin daw. So sabi ko sige ako na lang. Tas na sabi niya sige raw tas message ko lang yung rider na informed na siya tungkol sa order ko. Tas ayun. Nag try na me sa lalafood, and mabilis lang nakahanap ng riderrrr yayyyy. Gumamit rin ako ng voucher for free delivery. So 19 pesos na lang binayaran namin sa del fee hehe yeeyy!! Tas ayun. Mabilis lang din siyang nakapunta sa Zark’s and nakausap na niya yung rep ng Zark’s. Tas tawag daw ako for order confirmation ganyan. Tas ayun naaaaa HAHAHAHA Waiting game na lang kami sa delivery na iniexpect namin na mabilis lang din naman kase nga MECQ, walang public transpo, PERO ASA NAMAN HAHAHAH SAN KA BA NAKATIRA GURL KAHIT ECQ TRAFFIC PA RIN HAHAHAHA Tas ayun DUMATING NA SI KUYANG RIDERRRR AND FINALLY CRAVINGS SATISFIED NAAAAA Thank you babeeee!!!!!! After kumain, tumigil nang mag tong its kase busog na nga. HHAHAAH ANTOK NA HAHAHHA Around 6pm na ata kami umakyat sa kwarto kase nga sobrang init here kapag tanghali. Tas ayun. Hindi na kami nag dinner kase super busog nga. Pero around 10pm nagugutom ako and wala nang biscuit or bread sad naman hahhaah. May natira pang ulam so yun na kinain ko hehehe

DITO MATUTULOG SI BEBE!!!!!! WIIIHHH!!!!!

Finally matutulog na ulit kami magkatabiiii hihihi natulog kami around 4am na kase shempre sinusulit naming at uuwi na rin naman siya ng maaga. Maaga kaming nagising. 6:30 pa lang nagising na ko XD And nagising ko rin siya XD Hehehe suri babeee SO AYUN NGAYON KO LANG NAREALIZE YUNG ORAS NG NATULOG NAMIN HAHAHHA PARANG TULOG SA TANGHALI LANG AH HAHAAHAH Tas ayun. Tumawag na si Ate First ng around 8am na maya may na raw siya susunduin. So extended hours pa yeyyy!! Tas ayun. Around 2pm na ata, saka lang tumawag ulit. BUKAS NA RAW SIYA SUSUNDUINNN!!! SOOOOO EXTENDED ANG 2D1N LANG DAPAT NG ISA PANG ARAW~~~ WIIIHHHH!!!! So ayun. Tuloy ang sugal. Naalala ko papaturo nga pala ako sa kanya mag poker. XD POKER IS FUNN!! Sobran bilis lang ng pera XD So tinuruan na din namin sina Nene and Nanay and Antot to join the fun HAHAHAHAH Tas ayun. Tig-25cents lang ang laro SUPER MAHIRAP KAMI OKAY HAHAHAHHA End ng laro, nabawi ko naman yung natalo ko sa tong its HAHAHA Bale tres na lang talo ko XD Tas ayun. Nag buy na lang chicken joy for ulam. After kumain, POKER ULITTT HAHAHAHAHA Nag stop na kami ng 8pm kase nga baka may mag-ikot nang baraggay kase curfew hours na.

SECOND NIGHT YAAAYYY!!!!

Mas maaga naman kami natulog ng second night compared sa first night kase nga, need to catch sleep and hindi naman kami nakatulog nung tanghali or hapon kase nga mainit. Tas ayun. Cherishing another night na magkatabi kaming matutulog. Hihihi. Today, we woke up at 7:40 a.m. na. SARAP MATULOOGGG And shempre ako ulit ang reason kung bakit nagising na rin si bebe hehe again, sorry sorry babeee hahahah. Feeling ko kaya nagising na ko kase ganun talaga ang oras ng gising ko ganern. Body clockkk kahit walang pasok XDD Shempre today sure na kaming uuwi na talaga siya kase wala na siyang pamalit na damit, 2 shirts, 1 sando, and 1 pair of undies lang naman nadala niya. Kase nga ang buong alam, 2D1N lang. Tas ayunnnn kumain na kami breakfast, tas around mag 11 tumawag na si Ate First na otw na sila. Nasa labas ako nung time na tumawag and nalaman ko lang na tumawag na pala kase dala na ni bebe yung bag niya. I felt sad nung nakita kong dala na niya bag niya. Inisip naming kung ano pang mga baka maiwan niya ganern. Tas after minutes, dumating na ang sundo XD We hugged, and hoping na makakapagkita na ulit soonest.

Shempre kala namin wala na siyang naiwan kase nga nag-isip kami ganyan XD Pero meron pa rin pala AHHAAH Naiwan niya relo niya here XD Pero keri lang daw kase hind inga naman naalis ganern XD She’s having sepanx on their way back home hahaha.

Sobrang parang ang unreal ng 3D2N na yun. Siguro kase sobrang happy lang to finally wrapped around each other arms na ulit. Daming ganap ni bebe ngayon para raw sipag sipag baka mapayagan ulit HAAHAHAH After niyag maglinis ng house, nagsalang na siya ng mga labahin. Nagpapahinga muna siya ngayon kase nga nakasalang pa naman yung mga puti XD COMEBACK IS REAL SIYA NGAYON HAHAHAHA

Last night pala nalaman niyang nagpopost na ulit ako here, and alam kong updated naman siya before tas na tumigil na rin siya magvisit ng blog nung hindi na rin ako nagpopost. Tas ayun. Kaya niya nalaman kase nakalimutan ko sabi ko may ipapakita ako sa kanya. Na nakalimutan ko agad kung ano yun, and Nakita niya yung tumblr. Kung nagpopost pa rin pa ko ulit. Sabi ko hindi na HAHAAHHA EH KASE MALAMANG MAGBABASA SIYAAA Tas sabi niya weh raw. So shempre sabi ko yes nagpopost na ko ulit AHAAHAH Tas ayun. Sabi ko sabay kaming magbasa kase feeling ko nga na yung iba kong napost here nakalimutan ko na napost ko pala yun mga ganun HAHAHAAH Tas ayaw niya kong pabasahin HAHAHA Sabi ko bakit ayaw niya eh ako naman gumawa ng mga post na yun HAHAHAH Tas ayun. Na malayo layo na siya. Ay mga rants akong tinatanong niya ano nga raw pala reason behind that ganern. Inexplain ko, and yung iba nakalimutan ko na bakti nga ba HAHAHAHA Tas ayun. Sabi niya na dito raw pala ako naglalabas. Pero alam din naman niya yun XD Pero yung iba niyang nabasa na bakit daw hindi ko sinabi sa kanya ganern.

Btw, may tumblr account din siya pero hindi niya naman ginagamit XD Minessage niya ko gamit yun kanina and napost na siya ng first blog post niya hahahah

Welcome to Tumblr world babe!!

I made the draft of this post via MS Word muna kase kain sa data if sa mismong site na me XD Two and more than half pages siya here, kasya kaya ‘to sa isang buong post??? HAHAHAHA Let’s see HAAHAHHA

Thank you sa lahat ng efforts mo babe!!!! See you again soonesssstttttt!!! Kahit kavi-vc lang natin kanina and we are on vc again ngayon so basically, nakikita naman natin ang isa’t isa HAHAHAH mwaahhhh

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kkyuproof · 6 years

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Jikook/Kookmin Fic Rec Part 1

(Part 2 Here)

I’ve slowly been building up my list of KM fics and thought I might as well share them with the rest of the Tumblr-sphere (and organize them all because if the rest of my life is a mess, at least my fav fics can be orderly amirite)! I’m somewhat new to BTS and KM so it’s not too big a list, but I’m going to be updating this as I find more that I enjoy :) Happy Reading!

(most of these are probs old fics because like i said IM NEW HERE IM SO SORRY, but i hope you still find it helpful idk man)

Mostly Fluffy Fics

you are the ruler of the stars (and my heart) by cygnus (sunsprite) | Words: 18k | Jimin reluctantly joins his college’s Space and Astronomy club on the basis of Taehyung’s persuasion. Surrounded by a group of unnecessarily tall space nerds, he unexpectedly finds himself falling in love with one of them.

OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO CUTE. One of my fav fluffy fics to be honest. I was squealing basically the whole time i was reading. love.

i’ll stick to you like glue-cose by cygnus (sunsprite) | Words: 7k | Jimin merely wanted to study in peace, yet a certain five-foot ten frat boy -- unfortunately also a past hookup -- that epitomizes the very definition of smugness in one entire body whose ego is as big and full-scaled as the national debt, won’t let him.

Another super cute fluffy fic!!! i just found this author and the fluff is just so amazingly written and not cliche at all and ugh. JK acts like he’s all suave but he’s really just a big softie and AH.

friday nights (with you) by kstorms | Words: 24k | How a random night at a karaoke bar leaves Jimin with two new friends and a frowny, terribly handsome crush.

Anther classic tbh. I think I’ve read this through like four or five times bc i have literally no life and enjoy this VERY well written humor. There’s like zero angst in this and it’s all mostly Taehyung being a very cute little shit to JK (KM is there obvs and they super cute but ya know). Def a must read.

competency at its highest potency by MauveTarte | Words: 10k | State-Sponsored Runs are the excitement of every Alpha and Omega youth.

Or,

Jimin has one final chance at this bonding thing before his life goes to shit.

the one and only ABO fic i’ve read with NO SMUT. that’s right, ya heathens! this one is solely plot driven (and super fluffy). It’s cute af and Taehyung is an amazing friend :)

(my heart beats) for you by sabotagemyheart | Words: 17k | In which Jungkook, as a child, befriends the exceptionally adorable, small and friendless Jimin, not knowing that after a few years, he’ll be wrecking this very boy underneath himself making him whimper out his name.

okay LISTEnn. This summary makes this fic sound a lot dirtier than it is (ok yes it’s smutty BUT there’s more fluff in this than anything else. its so so so cute.)

Mostly Smutty Fics

Studio 2 by Charmander | Words: 20k WIP | Somewhere along the way, Jimin lost that passion he used to pour into his art, watching as it slipped through his very fingers. But street kid Jungkook is all heart and soul, and he’s more than willing to help Jimin learn to burn with the same fire he carries inside himself.

okay so this one is very plot heavy (as is most of Charmander’s fics) so don’t think you’re getting JUST smut. it has an amazing storyline about sexuality struggles and i think a lot of you would enjoy it! (the smut is bomb af tho sooo)

Starstruck by SugaTheTurtle | Words: 5k | Everyone is attracted to idols at one point or another. As part of Big Hit’s staff, Jimin really shouldn’t still be as attracted to Jungkook as he was at the beginning. Maybe if he wasn’t he wouldn’t be stuck hiding inside a closet in his dressing room silently praying that the idol was reaching for the zipper on his pants to change into something more comfortable.

ALRIGHTY HERE WE GO LADIES AND GENTS. This is for all you kinky fuckers out there who love pure smut. It was very interesting at first but as it progressed i was like whoaoaa i need some holy water. this fic is the epitome of “well, that escalated quickly” (but it’s still not rushed ??? which like...how?) enjoy! lmao.

Interlude by Bunbungee | Words: 9k | Jungkook has fallen in love at first listen with Jimin’s interlude and he won’t stop until he finds out why he is reacting so strongly to it. His search for answers takes a new turn when, one night, he discovers just how much the song can affect him.

Okay this was smutty, but still SUPER CUTE bc jeon is his typical shy bunny self who’s super oblivious and jimin is just a sweetheart. looooove.

Wet Depths by WorldwideWriter | Words: 10k | All it takes for Jungkook to break is a slightly unfair swimming competition and a too seductive Jimin.

GIVE ME ALL THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS FICS hell yes. I love their dynamic in this one, they hate each other (but they really don’t lol like come on.) and the sexual tension is insane.

everybody’s watching him, but he’s looking at you by jonghyunslisterine | Words: 6k| In which Jimin formulates a three-step plan to get the hot bouncer to notice him. (Spoiler: it doesn’t go quite as expected.)

okay this is smutty but also super cute so like idk where to put it but jimin wears a thong in it so i think the smut category will suffice. a quick read but so worth it, JK is a lowkey sweetheart.

Blood & Chocolate by MyHope (CutesyMe) | Words: 35k | “What if I only want you to sit on my lap?” the stranger asks, which is an odd request. People always want Jimin to dance for them. Only sometimes do they ask of him to just sit on their lap but event hen he has to move in some way and not just sit still.

“Same price,” Jimin retorts.

Jungkook spreads his legs slightly and motions to his lap as if it’s the best seat that has ever been offered to Jimin. “Be my guest.”

so i don’t really know what to say here but i loved their dynamic in this fic?? i love the way JK treats JM in this ahhhh its SMUTTY AF but he still super sweet and protective. There’s sooooome angst but it’s not too bad. Good plot.

New Heights by Charmander | Words 11k| There’s no better way to remind yourself that you’re alive than tempting fate from 700 meters above the ground and the searing touch of another’s fingers dragging down your chest.

1000% my favorite smut fic out there. the dialogue written in this fic is so well-done and absolutely hilarious. Sexual tension is CRAZY. love his fics.

give in to the game by cherrygloss | Words: 23k | “Jimin, if you honestly think that I’m going to pretend to be your boyfriend so you can make your ex jealous, then you’re out of your mind.”

im s oRRY, i know this is mostly smut aljfdlkaldfj my thirsty ass has bookmarked so many smut fics but i can’t help it oof. but this is super cute smut with some feeliins.

Nu ABO: A Memoir by Park Jimin by decompositionbooks | Words: 34k | The world didn’t think it was necessary to give him a guide when it shoved all of these omega hormones at him, so here it is, Park Jimin’s handbook to dealing with heats, unrequited love, and Jeon Jungkook.

WOOH another classic! I live for jealous/protective!JK idk its just super cute. my fav ABO fic!!

two sides; same story by namjoone | Words: 12k | Okay, so maybe Jimin thinks his neighbor is hot.

A little.

Okay, maybe a lot.

haha ohhhh man i love mutual pining. they’re both totally dumb at the beginning of this and i live for it. also some hoottttttt ass smut. (bc i need jesus at this point)

Not a Girl by PinkBTS | Words: 8k | Jeongguk isn’t sure what he did in his previous life to deserve this but he probably screwed up big time...he’s kinda grateful though.

A story about Santa, assumptions and thick-rimmed glasses.

AHHHHH this is so funny and awkward and hot and EVERYTHING. I live for frat!bangtan with my whole heart.

Downpour by kikistiel (Kikai) | Words: 15k | Jimin doesn’t know what it is. But now, he’s not sure he’s ready for summer to be over just yet.

IM SCREAMING. This was almost poetically good (aka A+ writing oh my gerrrd). It’s kinda angsty too like a bit but its also so sweet i love it :( go read pls.

How to Seduce Your Dance Teacher by Jeon Jungkook by soranosuzu | Words: 5k | Currently there are a million thoughts racing through Jungkook’s brain, but two very prominent ones finally beat their way to the forefront of his mind. First, Jimin is hot as hell and Jungkook needs to find a way to get into his pants. Second (and maybe slightly more urgent than the first), Jungkook needs to find a way to prevent himself from popping a boner every time Jimin does that in the future and, more importantly, right now.

(aka AU in which Jungkook devises a plan to seduce his ridiculously hot dance teacher Jimin)

HELLL YEAH. that is all.

i like how desperate you seem (in the way you look at me) by fatal (cumrich) | Words: 71k WIP | Packs merge all the time. It’s survival, Jimin knows that, but what he’s not prepared for is the attention he’s getting from a certain Jeon Jungkook, the alpha’s son.

yeeesss we got some more ABO up in this biiiiihhcc. It’s not done yet, but i strongly urge you to read!! so goooood and the smut is A1.

Mostly Angst

The Bet by jonghyunslisterine | Words: 46k | Where Jeon Jungkook makes a bet that he can get the notoriously single Park Jimin to sleep with him by the end of the semester.

Needless to say, things don’t go exactly as planned.

Yes i had to include this lovely classic :) Still one of my favs and probably always will be *shrug*. I’m not usually an angst person but this is like the perfect dosage for me to handle lol. If you haven’t read it yet, what are you doing with your life honestly go do it lmao.

lost stars by pjungkook | Words: 25k | Park Jimin has another maknae in his life and Jeon Jungkook is completely losing it.

have you ever felt like your heart was being smushed under an eighteen wheeler and your chest was caving in? Yeah that was me during this fic. But it’s sososo good and i promise there’s still fluff (i cannot live through angst without fluff) so READ.

Falling for you again by Rose_gold715 | Words: 30k | Jungkook loses all memory of the last five years of his life.

Jimin is scared he will never love him again.

wow okay so this one was a tear-jerker. you sympathize with both JK and JM but you’re also sort of frustrated with them at the same time?? soso good, definitely give it a read.

serendipity (none of this is a coincidence) by nclnns | Words: 30k | Jimin feels like crying.

Because the boy -- Jeon Jungkook as he had learnt a week ago -- is the exact opposite of Jimin.

And he’s the person Jimin’s boyfriend has been cheating on him with.

In which Jimin finds out that Taehyung is cheating on him with a boy named Jeon Jungkook and in the quest to understand what went wrong, he ends up falling in love with said boy.

so i haven’t read this one in a few months but i remember it being one of the first KM fics i had ever bookmarked, so it must have hit me in some way. JK is a sweetie though from what i remember.

On Patrol by Ragi | Words: 129k| Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable. Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can’t seem to keep out of his life. Captain Kim finds comfort in his son’s homeroom teacher.

Well, cops need some loving too, right?

Okay so this isn’t like suuuuper angsty but it’s also not smutty nor super fluffy either??? So idk where to put it but i think angst fits this most. I also laughed quite a bit during this so it has humor!! Tae is also like an 8 year-old kid LDJAFODJOA (ft. Sope and Namjin)

we’re not broken just bent by calipha | Words 16k | “You’ll die,” Jimin hisses and they’re so close now that his perfect illusion is broken. Jungkook can see his dark circles, can see Jimin’s lips, red and raw from biting.

“I did almost die in this house once, five years ago,” he whispers, watching as Jimin clenches his jaw but doesn’t look away. “I think I can handle more. I’m bigger and stronger now, see?” Jimin holds his gaze for two seconds before it tracks south to move down Jungkook’s body.

MY HARRY POTTER LOVIN ASS IS VERY SATISFIED. jimin is just a misunderstood bb and jungkook is trying SO HARD not to pine ajweklfkldf.

#jikook #jikook fic rec #jikook fic #jikook smut #kookmin fic rec #kookmin #bts fic rec #bts fanfiction

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camwritesbooks · 6 years

Photo

↝ NANOWRIMO 2018 WRAP UP; Cursed Queen

Okay, so this is ten days late, I’m sorry. The past few days have been a much-needed chance to get back some energy and sort out my headspace. But here I am now to talk about how happy I am with how NaNoWriMo went this year! As some of you will know I set a goal of 20k words and didn’t *quite* make it (but that was a very specific choice made with my mental health in mind, I may add). However, I did get 18.5k, which is more than I’ve ever written for a WIP and the most I’ve got down in 2 years. My plan from now on is to attempt 10k a month and finish Cursed Queen by the middle of next year. I’m not sure that will happen, but I will try.

This November, I made some great strides with Cursed Queen and my WIPs in general. I sorted out the overall plot of the first book and fleshed out the main characters as well as creating some new ones! I’ve just fallen in love with my shiny new OCs including Sasha, Petro, Mira and more. I’ve also come to adore the villain, Kaliannisse, and all her evilness. I just can’t wait to keep writing more of her (including the novella I have planned that tells her backstory). Del and Merrin and Kieran have become so much more precious to me too.

Thank you to all those who have supported me, left comments on my NaNo updates and shown me and my blog love recently, especially during this past month. I doubt I would’ve managed to get this far without the continued kindness you guys give me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Below the cut I’ve put the *entire* first chapter, not something I’d usually do, so uh... check that out if you want! I know it’s a bit shit, but it’s the start and I’m proud of it!

wip(s) page • characters • intro post • del & merrin edit

Read the (totally unrevised and kind of crappy) Chapter One below ↴

chapter one; Del

I can smell smoke. Somewhere in this forest, something is burning. There are a lot of things it could be. A lightning storm raging on the other side of the nearest hills might have set a flame, or perhaps some fire bubbled out of the earth in the valley. Either way, it’s not a good thing.

I follow the trail back around, skirting the cliffs. I have a slightly unsettling feeling that I’m not alone in the forest, except that’s impossible. Nobody ever comes up here. Still, I swear I can hear what sounds like bracken crunching under feet some distance behind me.

“Merrin?” I call into the forest. My brother is the only one who might be out here, though even he doesn’t know how to get to this side of the plateau. Besides, he’s busy preparing for this evening. There’s no reply – all I can hear is the faint rustlings of wind in the trees. I probably imagined the footsteps. My nerves are just high because of the council meeting tonight.

I pause, resting a hand on the stone cliff beside me. The smell of smoke is growing stronger. If there is a fire, it could be close. After a moment of hesitation, I break into a run. The trees melt into a blur of brown and grey around me as I follow the track I’ve followed so many times back to the village. Wind rushes through my shoulder-length curly hair. Scrambling over smooth stone, I cross the crevice that cuts the plateau in two. I run and run until I’m gasping for breath. I stumble out of the trees and onto the wide open land of the plateau. The edge of the cliff is within sight, and beyond it is the mountains – two great ranges coming down on either side and converging in the middle, all of it lit up by golden late-afternoon sun. From up here, they seem so surmountable. I look out behind me and in the far distance I can see a small plume of smoke rising above the rocks and trees. There must be a fire somewhere. It’ll probably burn out before sunset though, so I’m not really worried.

I follow the curve of the plateau, breathing in deeply as the wind buffets me. Everything is beautiful up here, in this moment. I can pretend that I’m not hungry and slightly ill and that the people down in our village are all slowly dying. From here, I can see all the world I’ve ever known – the mountains, the valley, the great cliffs of the plateau. I can try to imagine what lies beyond the snowy hills or behind me, on the other side of the cliffs. I have only ever seen desolate tundra in that direction, but I can’t believe that it goes on forever.

Two or three years ago, I discovered a way from the smaller part of the plateau – the part the rest of the village knows of – and the forest-covered stretch of rock and earth beyond it. A deep ravine between the two sections, but I found a place where the walls of the trench caved in and you can get across safely enough. I didn’t tell anyone about it because there was little over there worth gathering, so it didn’t seem unfair to keep it as my place. If I did speak of it, the village leaders might not even let me go there anymore, saying I was too weak and thin to make it anything but a danger to me.

I close my eyes for a moment, trying to think forward to the rest of the day. The town council. The ceremony. I have a nasty sinking feeling in my stomach every time I think of it. Within a few hours, I will have nothing or everything. Merrin will have everything – the town leaders like him. But they never really liked me.

I climb down the crumbled part of the plateau cliff, following the path carved there by hundreds of journeys. From this side I can see my village with its dark-tiled roofs and great town hall in the centre. A part of me doesn’t want to go back tonight, and I’m almost thinking of just turning around until I spot Merrin standing at the base of the cliff, glaring at me. His arms are crossed.

“Hey,” I say sheepishly as I land on the flat ground.

“Where’ve you been? The council meeting is about to begin,” he says. I shrug. “I was… around. I couldn’t deal with everyone staring at me.”

“They were staring at me and Sasha too, and Lorrie and he’s not even a part of it! Father was worried about you – people were saying you weren’t even going to show up.”

I feel bad for considering doing just that. “Of course I was,” I say. “I couldn’t miss this.”

“You know nothing bad is going to happen, right?”

For you, no. The story’s very different for me. There isn’t honestly much between me and Merrin, but that’s not how the town leaders see it. Sasha’s their golden girl, but they love Merrin too. Who they don’t love, is me. I’m too thin, too sick, too slow. Anything I do right is never enough. Which is why tonight, at the town council, Merrin and Sasha will be made full citizens of the town – adults – and I won’t.

I follow Merrin back towards the village, lurking behind. The streets are empty, which tells me I’m later than I thought. Sasha is waiting for us outside the town hall. She doesn’t have anything to worry about, the town leaders like her.

“What took you so long?” she asks, grinning.

“Sorry, sorry,” I say, throwing up my hands. “I lost track of time.”

“No issue, nothing starts till we go in,” says Sasha.

Merrin gives my hand a quick squeeze. “Well, shall we?”

I enter alongside Sasha, tucking my hair behind my ears nervously. Sitting at the great table at the end of the room is the town council, the rest of the town crowded around in the hall. The town meeting happens once every moon but today will be a special one because the ceremony is happening today. Me, Sasha and Merrin. Next year it will be Lorrie and possibly me again, if I don’t pass today.

“Ah,” says Ren Bell-Lu, the leader of the town council, as we enter. “Here they are.” I don’t like Ren very much, he was never kind to me.

We follow Merrin to the front of the crowd and people move out of our way. Silence falls over everyone. My father meets my gaze as I pass him and I look away quickly, feeling a heaviness on my shoulders. I don’t want to disappoint him.

Ren leans forward as we arrive before the table, smiling. “Sasha, Merrin and… Del,” he says, disapproval on his face as he says my name. “You are brought before the council today to be judged. You have all reached the age of eighteen and are now given the chance to be full citizens of the town. Are you ready?”

The three of us nod.

Ren raises his hand, making the sign of our village – palm facing the sky; middle, ring and pinky finger together and index finger curled up to meet the thumb. “Then, we shall begin. Merrin, step forward.” My brother steps out from beside Sasha, hand on his heart. “Merrin, do you accept the responsibilities of adulthood and swear to uphold the traditions of this town, forever and always until your death?”

My brother grins as he speaks. “I do.”

“Do you stand by your name?”

“I do.”

Ren dips his head and Merrin returns the gesture, stepping back into line with Sasha and me. My hands are shaking as Ren’s gaze moves to Sasha.

“Sasha, step forward.” Sasha moves towards the table, her long blonde hair swishing. “Do you, Sasha, accept the responsibilities of adulthood and swear to uphold the traditions of this town, forever and always until your death?”

Sasha’s eyes sparkle. “I do,” she says solemnly.

“Do you stand by your name?”

“From this day forth, I wish to be Sasha Blue, if you will grant it,” Sasha says. A flurry of whispers rushes around the room. I can’t remember a time in my life where someone requested another name. Of course it would be Sasha. I suppose she deserves it.

Ren looks surprised but recovers quickly. “Due to invaluable service past, present and future, we grant you this name. You are now Sasha Blue.” He and Sasha nod to each other before she steps back into line.

Ren’s gaze moves to me and I feel my cheeks burning. “Del,” he says tightly with none of the respect he showed Sasha. “Although you have proven herself to be a competent member of this town, we do not believe you are yet ready to be a full citizen.” I cringe. “I’m sure,” he continues, “by next season, you will be successful.”

But you hope I won’t be. Horror and shame melts over me. I can’t bear to look at Merrin or my father, fighting to keep the tears out of my eyes. I saw it coming, but some part of me didn’t want to believe it.

Ren looks away from me as if I never even existed. He starts going on about the crop yield this month and I try to merge back into the crowd.

Sasha follows me, furious. “How can they do that?” she hisses. “It’s completely unfair!” “Yeah,” I say dejectedly, staring at the floor.

“I wouldn’t have taken another name if I knew they were going to do that to you,” she whispers. I shake my head. “No, you deserve it. It’s a lovely name.”

Ren seems to have stopped talking and chatter begins to sprout up around us. “Thanks,” Sasha says, “I’m glad you like it.”

“How did you choose it?” I ask, trying to direct the conversation away from me. I just want to pretend that none of what just happened took place.

She shrugs. “It’s not that deep, I just like the colour blue.”

Liz Bell-Lu, Ren’s wife, appears at Sasha’s side, who happens to be her niece. Like Ren, Liz was one of the lucky few people who received a second name. Ren Bell and Liz Lu married several years ago and have ruled this town ever since.

“Ah, Sasha, congratulations on the name!” she says in her usual simpering tone. “Del, I’m sure it’ll be your turn next time.”

I do my best to force a smile.

“All you need,” Liz continues, “is just to put on a bit of weight, dearest. You are such a skinny little thing.”

Sasha looks embarrassed but I shake my head at her. The last thing I need is to be on Liz Bell-Lu’s bad side.

“Well, we’ll see,” I reply with as much charm as I can muster.

“Your mother was quite the same, if I remember correctly,” Liz goes on, completely unaware of herself. “Thin as sticks and always rather ill. I’m surprised she lived long enough to bear a child!” She laughs as if making fun of my dead mother is somehow an appropriate thing to do. Sasha grabs my arm and drags me away with a hasty, “Let’s go talk to Merrin!” We make our way across the room. “I’m so sorry for my aunt,” she says once we’re out of Liz’s hearing.

“It’s okay,” I say.

“It isn’t, though. Nothing tonight is okay.” Sasha sends a death-glare in the direction of Ren, who’s speaking with another member of the town council.

I sigh. “Look, I’m sure they’re right and next year I’ll join you and Merrin as full citizens. It just wasn’t going to happen this year.”

“Excuse me everyone!” calls out a voice and the room falls silent. Standing on the elevated platform before the town council table is Vrin, the oldest person in our village. He’s one of the most knowledgeable people in the town and spends his days transcribing old texts and tutoring children. He taught me how to read and write which I’m decent at, but he also showed me healing herbs and survival which I took to immediately. He taught Merrin and Sasha too, though unlike nearly every adult I know, he always liked me best.

“My good friends,” he says, raising his arms. “It is with the greatest joy that I announce to you that I have finally completed the translation of the old books.”

The crowd applauds – this has been Vran’s project for years.

“Aha, thank you,” Vran says, smiling, “but that is not all I have to say. I discovered in the texts the existence of another town – a city – beyond the mountains to the north.”

What? A heavy silence falls across the room.

“I will read to you the passage, if I may,” Vran continues, squinting down at some papers he holds. “We passed by the city of Veneficia on our journey into the continent. We were greeted warmly by the High Empress, who provided us all with rich meals and supplies for the road. This place is heavenly – the streets are lined with strange shops and market stalls. The people here are endlessly kind to us and I am honestly sorry that we must leave soon. I hope one day we shall return. The city is located at the west end of the mountains ranges and we aim to move only eastwards from now on.” Vran looks up, clearly delighted with the effect he has had on the room. “That is the final entry in the book we found underneath the floor of this very hall. Somewhere, only weeks away, is a city of people who could help our town,” he continues, punctuating each word. Whispers start up throughout the crowd.

“You think it’s true?” Sasha murmurs to me.

“I don’t know, Vrin’s pretty smart so I can’t imagine he’d get this wrong,” I say, not taking my eyes off the stage. I’m grateful to Vrin for finishing his translations coincidentally at this time to take the focus off me. Besides, this is the first time our town has had something actually newsworthy to talk about.

Ren steps back up onto the stage, raising his hands for silence. “Vran and I have spoken extensively on this matter and we agree that while our town is one of beauty and tradition, we would do well to remember that a hard winter is on the horizon. If we can find this city, it might be of great advantage to us. Before I continue, are there any questions?”

“Who wrote the book?” calls out someone.

“Someone who was a part of a group travelling in these parts. We know very little of them, but they are a trustworthy source,” Vran answers.

“How do we know this city is still around, if it’s even there in the first place?” asks Kit, who’s a few years older than us.

Ren and Vran share a quick look. “We don’t,” says Ren, “but if it is, the resources there could save lives. We will not be abandoning our home here, only looking for some stability. We will be sending around 7 or 8 members of the town on a journey to find the city. And that is why we’re here today.” His eyes scan the crowd and rest on me for an uncomfortably long time. “Em will be leading the group and will take Orla and Gram with her. Petro too will go.”

I look around to spot the people he mentioned. Em leans against a table, grinning, her lackeys Orla and Gram standing to the side. Petro is expressionless, standing in a corner with his arms crossed. I’m not surprised they chose Em, she’s one of the most respected young people in the town. Petro is a bit of a strange choice, but maybe he put himself forward.

“As for the other places in the group,” Ren continues, his voice hardening, “there will be some places for volunteers. However, I think it only fair that people get the chance to prove themselves after past failures.” He looks at me. “For this reason, the fourth member will be Del.”

My heart stops.

Thanks for reading! I hope you all have a good day and a fulfilling 2019. The future is bright <3

#thank you all again!#and sorry for the crappiness and unedited-ness of the chapter #nanowrimo 2018 #nano update #cursed queen #del #merrin #<3 #queue

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egoiistas · 6 years

Text

may i feel, said he (14)

first | tag | ao3 | ffn

[co-written with @tsaritsa]

a/n 10k views on ao3 and nearing 20k on FFN. we're absolutely gobsmacked.as always, ty for all ur comments!!! we hope this update will satify u - ana has been waiting a very long time to write one particular scene and we've had to push it back so many times...I finally let her have it.

Warnings: Sexual Content ™, cursing Words: ~7.5k || Rated: M - Royai

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

salt-laced and arched / dorianne laux, this close

The days, then weeks go on without Olivier.

Easier than it should be, Riza adjusts to another walking out the door. Every once in a while, a sad wave of nostalgia washes over her when she sees the significantly vacant living room or looking at the bare wall that once held frames and chic paintings. Even if some called her icy and dull, she had impeccable taste and Riza misses the colors on the wall. These small moments creep up on Riza when she least expects them, during the most inane moments of the day, and it's hard not to feel the loss and how it still stings like an accidental pinch to sensitive skin.

Perhaps she judged Olivier incorrectly, a voice in her head tells her snidely. Perhaps you chose wrongly, a darker, but smaller voice said. Riza can’t fault her former flatmate’s inability to understand her affair, no matter how much or how little it stings. It burns in the hollow parts where their friendship used to be, knowing that this man has a better and more intimate understanding of her as a person than Olivier would ever be capable of or want to be capable of. The sentiment is selfish and she knows this. In other situations, she respected Olivier’s ability to remain steadfast in her convictions.

All this comes to mind on a Friday evening, a quiet one when they are rarely so for Riza. Earlier she relished at the fact that she could take advantage of the quietude to get lost in her annotated-to-death anthology of Pablo Neruda’s works; to be comfortably situated in her own bed and just take in the evoking prose, and catch up on her laundry she was woefully behind on. The space would do her some good, she reasoned. A lot had happened in the last few weeks and a bit of alone time with her favourite poets and a Greed pizza from Hell’s would do her some good. It’s been a while since she’s had a moment with just her and a book and four walls.

Riza looks at the time, the walls, the fading pages, and realizes … why did she ever come to miss this. When did she grow to enjoy company?

Rebecca had come and gone after her classes, commenting on how rare it was to see her there on a Friday. Riza tried to explain but her friend looked like she was short for time, making a racket with her closet and in the bathroom. Riza could hardly catch where she was going, she’d hardly made mention of it as she was hurrying out of the apartment and then those words were cut off by the slamming on the door. Not that she expected it, but the lack of invitation probably meant that it was a date or something of the sort. That was hours ago and Riza finds herself a little disappointed, but mostly strange, that her phone isn’t blowing up with a play-by-play of the date’s shortcomings or successes. The commentary is a specialty of Rebecca’s humor.

Her friend was right: ordinarily, she wouldn’t be here. Over the course of a few months, Riza has slipped into a routine that she is loathe to have issue with. A bus would take her on a route that went past his neighbourhood, following her afternoon biochem class. Sometimes, she’d make a detour to the supermarket nearby to pick up a few things if a mood struck for something in particular, but more often than not she was content with takeout. It was a nicer environment than the library - she could spread out all the work she needed to do on the coffee table in his lounge and sprawl herself along his couch. The hot chocolate powder that had mysteriously arrived in the pantry one day wasn’t amiss either.

This time, however, her excuse was moot and she couldn’t expect a phone call or exchange of texts to change that either, because tonight he was travelling to Central for a conference where chemistry nerds were converging to relay to each other the latest findings. Roy was not as excited as she expected. In fact, he looked particularly disgruntled by the way he told her about it two weeks ago. He whined how not even professors were spared from homework, or ‘paperwork’ as he referred to it.

Eventually, she pushes away the distractions and enthralled for the millionth by The Heights of Macchu Picchu when her phone lights up and pings on her desk. Mindful of the book in her hands that is practically falling apart, she sets it down carefully, before stretching out to pull on the charging cable. The phone falls into her hand with practiced ease, and Riza can’t help the smile that grows on her face as she sees the name - nickname - emblazoned on her lockscreen.

Spanish Inquisition, 7:02pm I had a very interesting visitor today Spanish Inquisition, 7:02pm You didn’t think to warn me?

A chill runs down her spine. She’s trying her best not to jump to conclusions but a familiar sanctimonious smirk appears in her mind’s eye. She wouldn’t...would she? Calmly, she responds:

Avecilla, 7:02pm I would if I knew who to warn you about.

Spanish Inquisition, 7:03pm So you didn’t know. Hmm. Spanish Inquisition, 7:03pm Your other flatmate. Not blonde. Bushy black hair. Very opinionated. Spanish Inquisition, 7:03pm And loud

Spanish Inquisition, 7:04pm Came into my office hours in middle of a meeting with another student.

Her relief is short-lived as the reality settles in. Palm meets skin and she smacks her forehead. She loves Rebecca - honestly, truly - but the girl lived in the moment and rarely considered the consequences of her actions in the aftermath. She can’t discern his reaction though, not through text alone. Her thumb hovers over the icon at the top of the app. Surely he would’ve called her if he felt the conversation warranted it.

Avecilla, 7:04pm becca? Avecilla, 7:04pm oh fuck

Spanish Inquisition, 7:07pm ah so, becca’s her name! I wish she would have told me that

Spanish Inquisition, 7:07pm She said a lot about a lot of things, but not her name Spanish Inquisition, 7:08pm tbh I wasn’t really given a chance to say anything Spanish Inquisition, 7:08pm Do you know how weird it is to be lectured in my own office

Riza mutters a string of curses under her breath.

She switches messaging windows to Rebecca’s and stares at the blank chat box wondering which side to approach this from. Her fingers rest on the bridge of her nose imagining the scene of a riled up Rebecca busting in through that office door, telling the unsuspecting student to scram and then potentially ripping Roy a new one about who-knows-what with the signature hands-on-hips stance. It’s frustrating, it should be incredibly frustrating. What she had said, the manner in which she barged in, how it’s interpreted - all of it could be her demise but a chuckle bubbles up because... Classic Rebecca.

Unaware that the screen had dimmed, she sees it light up again with a call this time. “Hello?”

“You left me on read?” The other voice on the line greets her with hints of playful tones under that indignant choice of words. He continues smoothly, “Are you starting to think you’re the exception in all of this, avecilla?”

She snorts, smiling as she sat up. As far as she can tell he’s not irritated. “No exception to the embarrassment knowing Rebecca did that. If I had known that was even remotely crossing her mind - well, I would have stopped her.”

“Something tells me even if you did know, there’s no much that you could have done from stopping a force of nature like that.” Despite the noise of what she assumes is Central all around him, she can hear the tired smile on him. “I think you’re very lucky to have such a loyal friend who has terrifyingly specific medical knowledge on how to best remove a penis.”

“She didn’t...” Riza groans and leans back against her pillows, sliding the dog-eared anthology back from the edge of the bed before she covers her face.

“She did. I was perplexed for most of it, blinking at her as she paced in front of my desk.” Riza let the words sink down with her mortification and then she’s frozen when he says, “Does she do this with all your boyfriends?”

She isn’t sure why it tenses her; maybe its because it's finally given a name, even if it’s only a label, and an unsure, timid smile crosses her face. “Consider yourself special for getting the Rebecca treatment.”

“I consider myself lucky for other reasons, Riza.”

Her demeanor changes with the teasing lilt in his words. A half-smile begins to spring up over her lips, thankful he’s understanding - in whatever capacity - of this. “Care to share with the class?” She says coyly.

“Yes, that no one else heard. Or made any comment about it.” He says sternly and she sinks back into her pillows.

“I don’t know why she thought storming into your office would be a good idea.”

“Well it certainly worked out well enough for you, didn’t it?” Even though he’s making fun of her, she bites her lip at the memory, and the way his voice has dipped now, sultry and inflected with the accent that he was well aware that made her weak in the knees. He’s blatantly flirting with her.

Riza scoffs. “I believe our aims were a little different if we are going to be making comparisons.”

“Ah, so you did come with a goal in mind then.”

“Yes, sir. I-”

There are stifled chuckles on the other end. He is one of the few people clever enough to really get under her skin, get her riled up.

“If I recall correct, you admitted that I was baited into your office because of your stunt.”

“Mmm, did I now?” he asks, low and throaty.

At least the whiplash from the back and forth keeps her on her toes; she looks at them wiggling even now as she talks to him. “Mhm, I was there.”

He chuckles lightly and she hears someone greet him faintly in the background. “Let me call you back so I can get into this hotel room.”

“Oh, of course.”

They don’t share many phone calls but even from the first day, she’s known his voice was pleasant. Especially when he wants it to be. His laugh was warm down the line, and inexplicably she finds herself missing him, despite talking to him this morning however briefly.

The phone rings and she greets him with a standard “hello.” When no sound comes from the other end, she checks the screen to make sure the line is connected.

“So…” he starts and it sounds like he plops on a bed. “What are you wearing?”

She blinks. “What?”

He enunciates each word. “What - are - you - wearing?”

She sinks down the length of her headboard. “You’re not serious.”

He tuts. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“Clothing.”

“You’re no fun, Miss Hawkeye.”

“Maybe it’s because I’d rather have you here to show me what you want.”

“So would I.” There’s a wistful edge to his voice. “Do you have other plans? I was under the impression that you had a date with some laundry and pizza.”

“I had a date,” she emphasises. “Besides... I don’t think I’d be too good at it.”

“Trial and error, right? There’s no pressure to do anything you’re not comfortable with and we can always stop whenever you��d like.”

Likewise, she gets up and locks the door to her bedroom even though she knows Rebecca won’t be home for a while yet - certainly not after that stunt. “What a gentleman.”

“I like to think so.” She can hear his smile. “So...what are you wearing?”

Riza smiles in turn, feeling foolish. It’s such a ridiculous question on top of a ridiculous act. Tightening her grip on her phone, she figures telling him the truth of her rather vanilla pyjamas would probably detract from the mood of… whatever this was. She knows enough about “phone sex” - even in her mind it leaves a weird, tingly feeling - to at least humor him. She sighs into the phone, “It’s warm tonight, so I decided to wear something comfy to bed. Something so I can wiggle under the covers without feeling ...constricted.”

“Shorts?” The voice at the other end sounds surprised and she clearly sees him, in her mind’s eye, leaning in closer with interest and probably a smirk.

Riza bites her lower lip. “Less.”

“Oh.” He sounds delighted. “Well, if you’re going to have me guess what Riza Hawkeye wears on her days off… the top to her pajamas and her small clothes.”

He knows her too well. With little movement, she slides her underwear down her legs, letting them fall to the floor. She laughs, a little nervously. “Less.”

“Aren’t you naughty tonight?”

“I’ve been asked to,” Riza teases and shifts against her pillows. “Now, tell me something.”

“Yes?”

She’s unfamiliar with this certain kind of ...adventure. Nonetheless, she’s still willing to try. “How... excited are you?”

“Mhm. Let’s see.” She faintly hears fabric shifting, zippers unzipping, and if she wasn’t listening so intently, she would have missed the light groan. “Very.”

She licks her lips, imagining him sitting on the edge of her bed. Her legs cross; as a pleasant surprise, her arousal settles hotly in between them. “Tell me why.”

“You. Your legs. Spread and losing myself between them. Your body on mine.”

“You’re worse than me, sir.” There is a throbbing pulse right at her core in rhythm with the hard thrumming in her chest. It feels warm and slick without having to touch herself, though the temptation to is becoming harder to ignore. “What would you do?” she asks, cradling the phone between her shoulder and her ear. “If you had me there.”

His laugh is delicious - she closes her eyes as a shiver runs over her bare skin. “Enough about me, avecilla. How eager would you be if you were here?”

“I’m hardly-”

“Try.”

Leaning back, Riza tries to imagine her own fantasies. “If I was there-” she hears a throaty chuckle, “- I’d get on my knees, relieve you of those pesky trousers...” A daring hand slips in between her legs and her fingers are glistening when she lifts them back up to the light.

“And?” His voice has become husky, rumbling through his throat.

“I’d take you into my mouth.” She answers automatically, distracted from her slow stroke, playing with herself. It’s true - previously, with other fumblings, she had done her part to make her partner feel good - but with him she is surprised to find herself enjoying the act so thoroughly. Maybe it’s a power thing. The image of him watching her take him into her mouth with hooded eyes and a slack jaw is something she holds close to her heart. She does that to him.

Nobody else.

It takes him a moment to respond and when he does, his words are marked with a smidgen of strain. “Fast or slow?”

She doesn’t realize until this moment that her eyes have fallen shut, her head thrown back. “Slow at first, tasting you, feeling how hard you are in my mouth and growing harder with my tongue.”

“At first?” Roy asks curiously. “You’d want me to make you go faster, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, I do-” she admits, gasping with the building pleasure of using two fingers to stimulate her clit.

“Grabbing you by your hair to so you can feel me go deeper.”

“Yes…” His fingers coiled in her hair, his cock around her lips getting wetter each time she retook him in her mouth, the aching between her thighs increasing with every second -

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir.” Riza thought a laugh would leave her, instead she moans into the phone, feeling a warmth flush her skin pink. She’s wet enough to hear it, rubbing herself. She settles on the bed properly now, lying flat with the phone tucked between her shoulder and her ear. Gasping lightly, Riza slides a finger, then two inside herself as her other hand grabs her own breast, ghosting over the tip of her sensitive nipple.

“And where would you like me to fuck you?”

“Take me however you’d like me.” The truth is she can’t really think. She’s lost in her own fantasies. Against the wall with her legs over his hip; from behind where he could dig his nails into her as they picked up the pace; on top of him where she could feel him reaching depths that had her voice filling the room - it didn’t matter. There is an aching in her that her fingers cannot fulfill. He was too far away. She wants him here, with her and her shitty second-hand bed and the evidence is soaking her digits to her knuckles.

His groan reverberates through the phone lines and into her ear and she can almost feel the hot breath in her ear and his familiar scent.

She breathes in as hoping his phantom scent would materialize just for her. She begins, “I’m y-”

Her bedroom door opens.

“Rebecca!” she screeches. Mortified, she drops her phone, urging her roommate to get out. She can only imagine his confused expression as she swears black and blue and Rebecca is cackling madly in the background. She covers herself with her blanket, chasing her out and slams the door behind her. There’s a chuckle wedged in between the “I’m sorry!” Rebecca shouts from the other side of the door.

Her phone is still lit up, the call remaining in progress as she approaches her bed. “Roy..?” she breathes after the entire debacle. Paper crinkles beneath her feet. She quickly pulls them back and hisses under her breath.

“I’m here,” he responds after a moment and he sounds a little spent. “Did we have unfortunate timing again?”

She sighs as she kneels down, her blanket pooling around her feet. “What’s the matter?” he presses.

Riza groans as she sees the scattered pages across her room. The hardcover of her anthology lies face down, open. The spine of it must’ve hit the floor first. She crouches though her legs shake and picks up the annotated papers. “It’s nothing.”

Other than the shifting of someone on a bed, there’s silence on the other end until he speaks again. “It doesn’t sound like nothing, avecilla.”

She nestles the phone in between her ear and shoulder as she collects the remnants of the book in earnest. “A book I was reading before you called fell off the bed and the pages came apart.”

“You certainly haven’t shown me that kind of vigor to make a book fall apart.”

She huffs into the phone, hoping her flattened brow expression would be received telepathically. “It was old.”

“I’m not that old.”

“The book.”

She can hear him stifle a chuckle, but he fails by snickering anyway. It makes her smile too. “Now I see. In any case, I’m sorry to hear that. Which book was it?”

Riza flips the cover as if she didn’t already know. “An old poetry book I bought when I was younger. Neruda.”

“Ah, that’s unfortunate.”

“What’s unfortunate is that I was… almost getting into it,” she admits, slipping on a different pair of underwear.

She can just imagine the disappointed expression on his face. “That’s even more unfortunate. But there’ll be other times if the moment is ruined.”

Again, she smiles because of his understanding, despite her embarrassment and she’ll admit to herself that she’s little forlorn over missing the opportunity to hear him reach an orgasm right in her ear. “I think for right now it is. I need to clean up this mess and then there’s my other date that needs tending to.”

“Laundry isn’t that necessary, is it? By all means, walk around naked if you’d like. I certainly won’t protest.”

Riza grins, holding back the laughter. She manages to sternly volley back, “One of us has to remain civilized.”

He scoffs. “I’m hurt.”

“Somehow I doubt that.”

“Call me back once you’re done?”

Genuinely and warmly this time, she smiles. “If you behave.”

“So no dick pics?”

It takes a lot of willpower not to snort audibly. “Surprise me, sir.”

With his return, she realizes only a few weeks remain before classes end officially. Riza’s always taken initiative for her assignments with diligence, but there’s always the influx of assignments at the end of the term, projects to wrap up, or reports to finalize. Still aiding him when she can in the evenings, her free time becomes increasingly limited.

There’s a new, long list of journals and books that Roy requires for his research that they read and eventually determine the value of this information. On top of this already tedious work, she offers to help grade the essays from the two 100-level courses he teaches in addition to her Chemical Literature class.

It’s boring, menial and uninspiring work: the amount of grammatical, spelling and formatting errors has Riza throwing her pencil away from her in frustration on more than one occasion. The content of said work is of an even lesser quality. It aggravates Riza when it’s obvious to her that some these students don’t give a flying fuck about their education. Or they do, but they have a shit way of showing it.

Some dark part of her forms from this trial and she takes joy tearing into the worst of the essays via text messages to him. In turn, he responds with the excuses and the pleas for extensions or redacted frantic emails that come in once students factor in the weight of the participation grade.

Spanish Inquisition, 11:53 pm 3 years Spanish Inquisition, 11:53 pm 3 years and they still ignore the bolded text Spanish Inquisition, 11:53 pm It’s in caps you know. Spanish Inquisition, 11:53 pm PARTICIPATION GRADE: 35% Spanish Inquisition, 11:54 pm It’s almost like they forget that in order to participate they have to attend class.

Avecilla, 11:57 pm Strike them down Spanish Inquisition, 11:58 pm HA Avecilla, 11:58 pm I mean Avecilla, 11:58 pm How cruel are you going to be?

Spanish Inquisition, 11:59 pm Most will get a B or similar Spanish Inquisition, 11:59 pm Not enough for them to storm to the dean and complain i’m unfair, but maybe enough to encourage them to maybe try next time

The weeks fly by because of this and she can only think of one time in the last few weeks where they’ve actually managed to do more than just kiss. Riza isn’t one to keep tallies, but it was after a late night of simultaneously grading, reading and working on her final assignments. She was tired. She knew he was too, and while she could only blame herself for suggesting it, it didn’t make her any less frustrated when he drifts to sleep with his dick in her mouth. Rebecca harbored no sympathy for her either. She merely texts ‘HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA’ and then sends far too many tongue-in-cheek gifs implying Riza was “thirsty.”

Even if she was, Riza muted her best friend and finished herself off, but not before almost succumbing to sleep once or twice.

Every time after that, when they managed to have more coffee or sleep in, they were rudely interrupted in some other way. As if it were sacrilege he had taken that one time for granted, he jested once, and it soon became laughable what the universe kept throwing at them.

The workload was understandable, forgivable, and inevitably out of their control. Then, it was constant miscalculations of how little time they had: either she had a class or he had one to teach or office hours, or I’m about to crash and we both know how the last time worked out. It was driving her up the walls - and not in the ways she’d preferred.

They reach a point of recklessness. They take advantage of his empty office with a locked door on the final days after class. He cancels his office hours that morning after her assurances that her assignments were up to par and she could afford the distraction. Riza finds herself pleasantly nestled between euphoria and giddiness from the frantic way they paw at each other’s clothes. Or it’s the way she sat on the edge of his desk and the cool air tickled in the moist heat in between her legs. Or the little tinge of pride from cancelling his office hours just for her. Or perhaps a combination of it all. Irresponsible, to be sure, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t flattered how much he desired her, as if it were anything to question. She thinks, in foolish desperation, that the odds are in their favour this time.

She’s wet and ready from his fingers playing with her as they kiss, bringing him closer with her legs as her soft moans are muffled by his lips. Her hands reach for the buckle of his belt and she chuckles lightly when she detours further south to palm the erection under the cloth of his pants. Let’s free it, she thought then and refocused on the buckle, because she is fed up with all this teasing and none of the fingering. He’s given her a light orgasm already - the kind that leaves her wanting, that she only needed to bite down on her lip for - but it’s made her insatiable now. There’s just something so good about having him in her, and as much as she loves his fingers and dexterity, they cannot mimic the stretch and feeling of fullness he alone provides. “I want you,” she murmurs under his lips, drunk from her lust, as she unbuckled the belt with practiced fingers.

Loud and obnoxious, an alarm suddenly blares. Sound fills the room and it’s like a bucket of cold water over her; it takes them both a moment to recenter themselves back to earth. Her fingers uncurl from his pants and inwardly she mourns the loss of contact. The urge to keep going is strong; after all, when are fire alarms set off for a legitimate reasons anyway? It’s an irrational thought and Riza can hardly hear anything else. They fix themselves up hastily and exit the building; everybody they pass seemingly none the wiser. She lets herself drift away from him - a few metres and several people between them when they reach the evacuation point, reminding herself that there are other people here and this close to the end of classes is no excuse to relax her standards. She’s just...frustrated. A voice that sounds a lot like Rebecca’s teases that she’s actually just horny.

If she’s honest, she hates the shame that trickles down her spine at this unadulterated want. In a different time, with a less conservative upbringing to influence her choices, she wouldn’t find this shame and guilt currently she’s currently wrestling with. She would be more like Rebecca or even Olivier where it’s not on her radar, coming and going as she pleases. But if her circumstances were different, she probably wouldn’t even be here, studying for a Bachelor of Science as a means to connect with her absentee father.

Riza miraculously catches his eyes as the crowd slowly shuffles further back on the field as more people spill out of the Joseph Hunter Science Building. He mouths something to her, but her lipreading is terrible and she shrugs her shoulders, lifting up her phone to their field of vision.

Spanish Inquisition, 10:23am 10 minutes leaves enough time to return the favor of the other night.

The fire alarm had killed most of their time before her next class, but she forgoes punctuality in favor of four minutes of feeling his hair in between her fingers while his lips kiss in between her legs. In the end, her tardiness was excused.

Finally - finally, she thinks they’ve managed a miracle. Her final assignments are as ready as they’ll ever be, waiting for one final read-over before submission, and his last block of essays have been graded and handed back to their respective classes. Draped over him in the same chair in his apartment study where they first fucked, she’s allowing herself to celebrate as she cups his jaw with her hands, her tongue sliding against his pleasantly.

He hardens underneath her and she’s none too shy about unbuttoning his shirt as he has done for her. Pushed down to her elbows, the shirt is rid of her and it’s a painful few seconds when she pulls away to be free of it properly. He looks sinfully decadent beneath her, a lazy smirk growing on his face as one hand deliberately hooks a finger under her bra strap, tugging it down. Her lingerie choices have been adventurous in recent weeks - the pastel blue lacy number she’s currently wearing is definitely not designed for any exercise more taxing than walking, and judging by the way his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat, Riza knows with certainty that she’s found a keeper.

His fingers brush over her nipples, and she briefly shuts her eyes as he pinches before pulling the fabric down and draws her close, tongue soothing the puckered skin. Her hands curl into his hair, scratching at his scalp and Riza’s uncaring of the breathy moans leaving her - this is divine, and the wait has certainly been worth it.

Roy’s hands drift down and slide under her skirt, fingers gliding over the sensitive skin on the inside of her thighs, leaving tingling sensations in its wake. He is only mere inches from her arousal and a great deal of willpower goes into preventing herself from pushing his hand forward.

He takes off his glasses and she sets them behind her on the large desk. Her hands go through his hair as he cups her breast and brings her other nipple into his mouth, using his tongue to tease the tip and even nip at it gently with his teeth. His other hand clutches at her ass to bring her closer as if the distance they have was remotely unbearable. Riza gasps into his hair, grinding her hips over his lap, and his scent is mixed with sweat. It’s a dangerous, addicting blend, and she shudders in his lap as his fingers stroke across her bare skin. He releases her nipple slowly from between his teeth before shifting back to her other one and she remembers a joke he said about her breasts deserving equal treatment.

And then, in the middle of this achingly wonderful treatment - his ringtone goes off.

Roy groans for all the wrong reasons, throwing his head back. He keeps them steady as he awkwardly reaches his back pocket for his phone. “Pfft, it’s just Hughes,” he mutters after a concerted effort and sets the cell down on the chair of the arm. Softer and locked on her other unattended breast, he mumbles with a mouth full of her, “He can leave a message.”

Riza doesn’t remember which one is Hughes and she’s not given much time to think about it when his mouth returns to her breast and his hand squeezes, massages, tweaks at the other. She’s at the point of moaning out if you say so when the vibrations and standard tune rings out again.

He stops altogether and after a few seconds, it dies to a stop only to start up again. His attention is needed again, and she’s never felt quite as pissed off at an inanimate object as she does right now. Roy growls and sits back, picking up the phone. “Let me just see what he wants.”

She nods wordlessly and he starts the conversation, going beyond standard small talk after a few moments. She can hear the other man talking; an excitable person who gets even more excited when he talks about certain topics. She can’t discern what they’re talking about exactly, but Roy gives the occasional mhm and yeah when it’s warranted.

Riza figures she can go wait for him in the bedroom. Perhaps sprawled out with a bright, blinking sign that says ‘insert here’ in between her legs should he fail to see how much she wanted him that afternoon; she blames Rebecca’s influence for that kind of ridiculous humor. Riza starts to climb off him and stops when she’s kept in place from his hand gripping the fabric of her skirt. He wants her to stay there? She frowns and points at the phone. His brows furrow and he shakes his head, putting a finger over his mouth, telling her to be quiet.

Well, she can go be quiet in the other room. She can respect his privacy. It’s not a big deal; they had the entire evening to themselves. Well, nearly - but she’d be damned if she’d let any other distractions interrupt them after this call. She deserves to be fucked thoroughly.

Roy is apparently impatient, however. The hand holding the finger over his mouth flattens over her thigh and coasts up to the edge of her skirt. He thumbs the skin there, teasing the idea that he could touch her in the middle of this conversation. She looks at him knowingly when he crosses underneath the folds of her skirt, yet he continues on talking as though nothing has happened. He caresses the skin inside her thighs as he talks about something or the other: Riza isn’t concentrating on that, instead absorbed with the sensation of his fingers drifting higher and higher. She waits patiently, but his touch somehow makes her hotter, wetter. A devious finger lightly ghosts over the linen of her damp underwear and he says a perfectly timed “Oh?” towards the caller and to her. Riza blushes and grabs at his wrist.

She can sit up, she can leave the room, she knows that he’d respect that, but she doesn’t want to. She realizes there’s a morbid curiosity as to how and why he does things and she always wants to know. This is moment is one of them. It’s why she doesn’t stop him when he tugs aside the cloth of her underwear and wets his fingers with what’s in between her lips. Her frown dissipates and she gasps as if she’s been starved from his touch, like it’s an electrifying drug she’s been having withdrawals from. The sensations of his fingers rubbing against her clit is familiar and unknown, and she lets her head fall back, relishing in the feeling and clawing lightly at the armchair.

His fingers leave her and he cleans them off with his mouth before gesturing her to be quiet with a finger over his mouth again. She thinks she can hear his friend say “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he responds, looking directly at her with a devious glint in his eyes. “Just eating. Go on.”

A warm tingle shoots down her spine and spreads across her abdomen down to her groin. She’s been enraptured by a lunatic and she’s allowed it to happen, even now when he aims to touch her again. With a bite to her knuckle, she grasps at his loosened shirt when his fingers return to remind her how obnoxiously needy she has become. Giving into this notion, she moves to hover over his lap for shameless access. He bites a bottom lip at this, staring her from the wrinkled mess of her skirt to her flushed, knuckle-biting face. She’s wet enough that an easy orgasm is on the horizon from the slow, rubbing stimulation on her clit. Riza makes the mistake of thinking he’ll stop there, because then one finger enters her and then another. Her reaction is unexpected, even to her. She falls back to his lap and bites the fleshy side of her palm to quell the noises. Her spread legs allow him to finger her, so he does. Slowly. In and out, and the noises would make her die of mortification if she weren’t enjoying every satisfyingly building moment of this pleasure. His palm is hitting her stimulated clit with each stroke and she’s grasping at his shirt once more, trying to salvage what solid ground she can keep as the pleasure rises within her..

He slows down when she’s at the precipice of a delicious orgasm that she even licks her lips, and decides to become an active participant in his phone call. But it’s not in English. He shifts to Spanish while his hand moves against her more patiently. She tries to catch her breath from holding it but it’s impossible not to listen to the way he’s talking. It’s fascinating how melodic a different language sounds and how much of a turn on it is for her. He speaks this language faster. His R’s roll off his tongue and somehow there’s more sensuality in his voice. It’s mesmerizing.

His attention turns back to her when moments ago he was staring at some place off to the side. He looks to her hips and she doesn’t even realize - until he does - how subtly she was moving them. Roy pauses, eyebrows furrowed before a downright hungry grin forms on his face, and his fingers begin to move once more.

“Estoy eschuchando,” he answers the person on the other line, his diction shifting into a huskier tone, each syllable pronounced lower and slower. She thought it was bad enough when he spoke it casually, but when he did it deliberately? She can only handle so much stimuli, and by this point she’s uncaring of how shameless she’s acting, how she’s become putty in his hands. She’s drunk on this orgasm she can feel barrelling towards her, on the lust and desire she feels for him. She’s never felt it quite like this before - this want that feels more like a need with every passing second. She wants to take the phone and hang it up for him, but she opts for pulling at the collar of his partially unbuttoned shirt and biting the taut muscle at the meeting of his neck and shoulder. He maintains that paced fingering in and out of her. She knows she’s tightening around his fingers because of the paced movement.

With his deliberate words at her ear, his fingers inside her, and the smell of his bare skin, she climaxes against him, taking deep breaths and every measure to stifle the moans and groans. Her head rests over his shoulder, hot breath hitting his neck. She can see him swallowing and doesn’t know why she didn’t think to give him the same torturing she just endured.

He’s hard. She can feel it and see it in this light. She palms it, clutches it, strokes it, and he swallows thickly again. He sounds strained when he cuts off the caller and abruptly says, “I’ll have to call you back.” Roy ends the call and the phone is tossed to the wayside as his fingers slide out of her.

She grabs his cock harder and he surprises her by standing up, supporting her by her underside until she’s laid on his desk directly behind her, over the papers she had spent last week meticulously highlighting. She lifts her hips to help with the removal of her own underwear. As he works with his own pants she tries to salvage what’s underneath her to little success. Distracted by her menial task, she gasps, surprised, when her wrists are manacled and set at either side of her head. Her breathing is heavy, his too. The tip of him nudges at her entrance and she moves against it, towards it just for the stretch a little bit more of him inside her.

“A little bird tells me you have a secret.”

Riza smiles coyly after a futile attempt to use her legs to bring him forward. “Hardly a secret if you know about it,” she manages, half-heartedly trying to move her arms. He doesn’t budge an inch, his smile dark and promising. She supposes at this point nothing should really surprise her when it comes to her newfound appreciation for less-than-vanilla sex, but there’s just something so inherently sexy about being pinned down by him, even as simply as she is right now. The temporary loss of control is so easy to lose herself in.

Roy observes her hungrily. “A kink then.”

The initial thrust makes her gasp sharply and he groans pleasantly. Her limbs dangle off the side as he fucks her over his desk. Where he was well-paced before, he is erratic now, but he won’t find complaint from her in that regard. She has no means of quieting herself with her hands where they are, and biting down at her teeth proves inefficient when each of his thrusts touch places she’s been yearning for weeks, when the stretch she’s been hungry for is finally given to her. Her eyes are shut, mouth open, body subject to this carnal movement. She doesn’t think to see beyond her eyes for the time being, what expressions his face is making or anything that will take her away from the here and now of the feelings of the sex. She feels selfish for relishing in this, but fuck, it’s been a long time coming and this sex proves it.

He lets go of her wrists and brings her toward him to hang just a little more over the desk by way of her legs. She reaches over her head at the other end of the desk, moaning into the inside of her arm, clutching the edge as if it were her salvation from plunging into the deep.

Her eyes open suddenly when he thumbs her clit. She looks at him and there’s a wolfish grin on his face, enjoying her reactions in the ways she squirms, moans, mewls, and tightens. Her fingernails scratch at the desk for purchase, for breath, but he continues with sweat beading his brow until he grunts a little louder and his final thrusts hit deeper as he cums inside her.

Her own orgasm follows shortly after, and she’s left quivering on the desk, well aware of the sight she is before him. She can feel his seed leaking out of her as her pulls out, and automatically her fingers move to catch it - like hell was she going to completely debase the paperwork that was crumpled underneath her. He utters a strange, strained grunt, running a hand through his hair roughly.

“I’ve told you, you can’t just do that with no warning.”

“Oh?” Her hand rises back up to her mouth and she wets her lower lip in anticipation. “Do this?” Her tongue darts out to lap at the milky, viscous fluid and while the taste is not delightful, the reaction that he has most certainly is. She barely has time to repeat her actions before his hand closes firmly over her own, and pulling her up to a sitting position at the edge of his desk.

“No,” he tells her firmly, though the matching smile on his lips belies any real annoyance. “If you’re going to be the death of me I’d at least like to get my money’s worth.” The kiss he drops on her forehead is soft. “I’ll get you a washcloth,” he says, fixing up his trousers loosely. The faint trail of hair sticks out against his lower abdomen like a beacon and Riza swallows the urge to coax him back for another round.

She adjusts the straps of her bra back up on her shoulders and nicks his discarded shirt from the ground. Her skirt is a crumpled, lost cause, and Riza makes a mental note to pick up an iron at some point this weekend - she hadn’t noticed it immediately, but of the many appliances Olivier had taken with her, the iron was the one she had relied on the most. Rebecca had bitched endlessly about the mini espresso machine that had also disappeared, though it had quickly been replaced.

She rolls up the sleeves of his shirt as she walks down the hallway towards the kitchen, humming under her breath. Roy would probably appreciate a cup of coffee, she thinks, focusing on doing the buttons up correctly as she passes by the island countertop and the man sitting there.

She stills, before turning to make sure she’s seeing right. The man looks up from the plate in front of him and raises his mug in greeting, the lowlights from the kitchen reflecting strangely on his glasses.

“You kids had fun?” he asks, before taking a sip. His tone is light, breezy, and he gestures to the plate in front of him when she doesn’t respond. “You’re probably hungry after that, uh-” he breaks off laughing, ducking his head “-after that workout. My wife made a quiche - you should have some, it is the best in the world, and I’m not biased.”

#royai #roy mustang #fullmetal alchemist #royai fanfiction #riza hawkeye #*may i feel #*shine #fma #A LONG ONE #and hey look two weeks within the last one #AYYYYYYYYYY #hope you enjoy because.....i know i did

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master-sass-blast · 6 years

Text

Strong as Stone: Part Four, Second Half.

@the-last-hair-bender

*rubs hands together as I sniff the air* Ah. Yes. There it is. The undeniable scent of pure, unadulterated ANGST.

*grins* This is going to be good.

ALSO, HOLY FUCK THIS IS LONG. IT’S LIKE 10K WORDS. WHAT THE FUCK, ME?

Last time, we got to see the getting together of Shuri and my OC, Dewani. In the midst of all of that, Okoye is preparing for the Harvest Moon festival, but doesn’t have the usual security contingency of the Border Tribe to count on. Fortunately, she’ll have some time off after, and our favorite Jabari Chief, M’Baku, has asked her to come visit him during her brief vacation. Unfortunately, before we can play, we must work.

And, as I alluded to in my previous post, this part is rated M for Mature for non-sexual reasons.

If you’re not good with any of that, that’s fine. I’ll see you back next week (or maybe not; Part Five is going to be a doozy, too).

Rating, just in case it wasn’t clear: Mature. Read with care.

Warnings: panic attacks, violence, injuries, implied child abuse, depictions of violence, mentions of homophobia, SO MUCH CRYING AND ANGST, with just a little bit of fluff and sibling love to even everything out. I’ve tagged as best as I can, both up her and in the actual tags, but please be careful. This one’s heavy.

Pairings: Okoye x M’Baku, Shuri x OC, and background T’Challa x Nakia.

(Disclaimer: Dewani is the one on the receiving end of the abuse, and, no, M’Baku is not the abuser. This is all explained in the “chapter,” but I wanted to clarify that now. The characters that we know and love are all great with each other.)

Strong as stone, that is how you must be. Unyielding, unbending, unbreaking. Let the river wash over you and smooth away your rough edges.

But be careful to not let the river carry you in its current. Gentle persuasion will polish even the most unassuming of gems, but heavy battering will cause even the strongest strain of vibranium to crack.

However, you should remember that a crack is not an end if you don’t let it become one. Each time you feel like you are going to break, look forward as though it is only a new beginning. Lean on your fellow women; one stone on its own may be strong, but many stones stacked together can redirect rivers.

“I have to say, Dewani, we were all surprised at your interest in vibranium based technology. Most of my sister’s efforts to equip the Jabari have been rejected,” T’Challa said, drawing her attention back to the present.

Dinner was dragging on, and Okoye was starting to lose patience.

Was it lovely that Dewani and the Udakus got on like they’d been lifetime friends? Yes.

Was it adorable to watch Dewani and Shuri trade infatuated smiles and adorkable compliments? Yes.

Did she also have a lot of work to do to prepare for the festival? Yes.

How can one meal last so long? Okoye wondered as she took another bite of her –vegetarian—dish. Maybe making a habit of working through my meals wasn’t the best idea…

“There’s a difference between having things sent to us without asking or observing our way of life first, and seeing the uses of vibranium of our own choosing,” Dewani said with the artless honesty possessed by most teenagers.

The corner of T’Challa’s mouth lifted in an amused smile. “And what do you think of vibranium, now that you’ve had a chance to see it in action?”

Dewani chewed thoughtfully, eyes lifting to the ceiling with thought, and swallowed before answering. “I think it’s a risk.”

“How so?” Nakia asked, leaning forward in her seat.

“Well, vibranium isn’t naturally occurring to our planet. Eventually, it’s going to run out. I don’t see the wisdom in making everything out of a material that you have a finite, non-renewable resource. What happens when you run out? Everything stops working.”

“Our technology doesn’t take that much vibranium,” Shuri retorted, coming to the defense of her creations as expected. “And once it’s made, it doesn’t need replacing.”

“As far as you can see. And, eventually, the source will run dry. What happens when Wakanda can’t make any new inventions, much less update the ones they have once they don’t fit the needs of the people using them?” Dewani asked.

“We’ve done our research,” Shuri shot back. “There’s enough vibranium to last over one hundred thousand generations of Wakandans. Besides, our latest studies suggest that the vibranium is morphing the other minerals into itself. The vibranium is here to stay.”

Dewani shrugged. “If you could find a way to grown and harvest it at a rate that meets the needs of the demand, you might have something. As it stands, it’s still a risk.”

“Yes, but some risks are worth taking. We can’t just stand still.”

“I agree, but there’s a difference between plotting the path before you run it and sprinting off a cliff.”

“Which is why we’re trying to find ways to make vibranium renewable,” T’Challa said before the two could start arguing. He smothered grin with a sip of wine, but the amused sparkle in his eyes was impossible to mistake. “I think you two are equally matched, to say the least.”

I could’ve told you that from the start, Okoye thought. Let’s see, if I hand off guard duty to the sentries tomorrow, Ayo and I can--

“General, you’ve been rather quiet tonight,” T’Challa said from his seat across from her. “Do you have any questions for Dewani?”

Okoye tamped down her annoyance before it could register on her face. “I’m not sure I could offer anything all that interesting, my King.”

“You’re practically family, Okoye,” Ramonda said warmly. “You have every right to ask your questions.”

Normally, she wasn’t in the position of asking questions. As the General of the Dora Milaje, she was granted special access to the council meetings and the lives of the royal family, but she wasn’t technically one of them. She wasn’t an equal; outside of matters of security, missions, warfare, and any matters specifically pertaining to the Dora Milaje, she didn’t have any specific right to challenge to family or their decisions.

Granted, the Udaku family had always given her a generous amount of free reign, space to speak her mind, but none of that changed the simple fact --her kind listened in the presence of the royal family. That wasn’t a gap that could vanish on the permission of the King.

No matter, Okoye told herself as she switched between ideas. We all have to step outside our comfort zones. She tapped her finger against her glass, then set it on the table. “Vibranium aside --from least egregious to most egregious--what are we doing wrong?”

Nakia let out an amused chuckle as Dewani tilted her head to the side, drifting into deep thought. “That’s quite a thinker.”

“I think that judging an entire society by their choices is predestined for failure,” Dewani said as she pushed at the last of her yams with her fork. “But, I guess if I had to pick one thing... I guess I don’t understand the War Dogs initiative. I don’t see the truth in it.”

“How so?” Nakia asked, leaning forward in her seat.

“Well, aside from retrieving stolen vibranium, what’s the point of it? To watch and see if the world is ready to know Wakanda --but we can never truly be a judge of whether the world is ready. By our standards, the outside world will never be ready. We’re limited by our own perceptions of culture and society,” Dewani said.

“The War Dogs were also created to see if the world had need of Wakanda, and if they could be trusted with our resources,” T’Challa rebutted.

“And what did they decide when our cousins in America were being brutalized for their skin color?”

Okoye could feel a chill run through the room at the undiluted truth. She certainly doesn’t pull her punches. “Not every organization can succeed one hundred percent of the time.”

“No, but some failures are less acceptable than others.”

Across the table, T’Challa sighed and set his fork down. “I won’t pretend that Wakanda did the right thing during the slavery and segregation eras. Instead of rising to the occasion, we took the actions of one group of people as an excuse to stay in hiding, and that was wrong. That’s why we’re reaching out now.” He paused to smile at Nakia. “To atone for the past and start ourselves on the right path.”

Dewani shot a glance at Shuri, and the two teenagers made subtle gagging motions at each other.

Okoye smirked as M’Baku cleared his throat in admonishment. “Well, I wasn’t quite expecting such a vast answer.”

“I was,” Ramonda said with a fond smile. “An innovator needs a quick, sharp mind, though I wasn’t expecting you to be an innovator of philosophy.”

Dewani shrugged and smiled sheepishly. “There’s more than one kind of innovation.”

“Indeed.” Ramonda patted her daughter’s arm. “Well, Shuri, I have to say I’m deeply impressed with your choice. I don’t think I could’ve handpicked someone better for you.”

M’Baku puffed up noticeably at that statement, clearly proud of his sister. “She has the best mind among all of Wakanda.”

T’Challa smiled amiably. “Well, out of brotherly duty, I’d have to disagree --but only just.”

Okoye allowed herself a small smile as dinner came to a close and the respective parties started dispersing together. Off to work. Before she slipped away, she watched as Dewani kissed the back of Shuri’s hand before saying goodnight. The Queen Mother was right, she thought with a grin as she retreated into one of the back hallways. The Princess made a good choice.

...Unfortunately, due to protests from tribe members, we won’t be able to supply the requested quota of replacement members for the security contingency. We hope, given the spiritual importance of the Harvest Moon festival, that this discrepancy will be understood...

Okoye let out a growl of frustration as she read through the official response from the River tribe to her request for help during the upcoming festival. Don’t they understand that, if they want to shove the Border Tribe out, they have to pick up the slack? How is that so hard to see?!

Yes, the Harvest Moon festival was spiritually important, she knew that. It was a time to thank the gods and goddesses for a year of provision, a time to acknowledge the wealth Wakanda had been blessed with via a five day long celebration.

The eldest spiritual leader from the River tribe would lead the opening ceremony on the first day, in which each household of Wakanda would offer sacrifices to the patron of their tribe and to Bast. The night would be devoted to prayer and ritual fasting, but the opening ceremony required a great deal of management to keep the crowd orderly.

The second and third days were devoted to seeking out the poor in Wakanda and making sure that they had what they needed to make it through the next year. It required a strong security force to make sure that envious hearts and greedy hands didn’t try to take what wasn’t theirs when the givers turned their backs.

The fourth day was dedicated to celebrating the farmers that put in the labor to make sure that Wakanda’s crop didn’t fail. The fourth day, arguably, was harder to secure than the fifth. There was a history of other farmers sabotaging others if they felt eclipsed by one another, and there was usually enough alcohol involved to make things dicey. A drunk, angry farmer with the technology to break stones in a field wasn’t an easy opponent to face down.

The fifth day was the day of all out celebration. On the fifth day, the nation came together to take joy in the provision granted by their gods and goddesses. Vendors cooked from dawn to dusk to dawn again, friendly combat challenges open to anyone took place in the main arena throughout the day, and alcohol flowed everywhere.

Alcohol. Lots of it. In every cup, bottle, glass, and bloodstream. Livers were on the line, as was the safety of the citizens. A strong, experienced security force was vital to making sure that the rowdy drinkers didn’t get out of hand, that the teenagers didn’t try to steal a few forbidden glasses, and that the odd predator didn’t succeed in whatever disgusting conquests they had planned.

Okoye resisted the urge to smack her head against the stone wall of the hallway, and settled for rubbing her temples instead. I should’ve stood my ground with the Council. I shouldn’t have capitulated. There’s no way we can do this without the Border tribe, especially since the other tribes won’t--

“Okoye?”

Okoye whirled, ready to shove her spear into-- Bast dammit, I’m going to kill him.

M’Baku took a step back, eyes widening. “Whoa. Are you alright?”

Okoye realized that she was seething, closed her eyes, deactivated her spear, and took a moment to compose herself. “I’m fine,” she said, opening her eyes once she felt like she wasn’t going to rip out the throat of the next person she saw. “Just... a little frustrated.”

“What’s wrong?”

Okoye let out a heavy breath. “You know, no one ever really asks me that.”

M’Baku gave her a sympathetic look, and held out his arms. “Come here.”

Okoye took a quick glance around to make sure they were alone, then let herself be hugged against his chest. She let out a sigh, and pressed her cheek against the leather tunic he wore.

“Now, what has the greatest General in all of Wakanda so worked up that she could kill an average man with just a look?”

Okoye laughed, despite herself and the situation. “Bast, am I really that bad?”

“No, but you laughed, which was the point. Now, my love, what has you so on edge?”

Okoye groaned. “Do you remember the Council’s promise to supply extra warriors to make up for the absence of the Border tribe during the Harvest Moon festival?”

“Yes...”

“Well, they aren’t. I just got an apology from the River tribe because, given the ‘spiritual significance of the festival,’ they ‘were dealt an unexpected amount of backlash from the tribe members, and they ‘hope I understand.’” Okoye found herself blinking back tears of frustration, and opted to nestle further into M’Baku’s chest. “So, between the River tribe and the Merchant tribe --who opted out because they have the most farmers, and don’t want to take away their people’s ability to celebrate their efforts on day four--I’m knee deep in rhino shit, and I’m barefoot to boot.”

“How many warriors are you short?”

“At least one hundred fifty.”

M’Baku made a noise of surprise. “That many? Why do you need that many? Is the rest of Wakanda filled with crazed radicalists?”

“Well, we work people in shifts. Some of the celebration and rituals go on through the night, so we can’t run the same people all day. Some members don’t have a household to offer for them during the first night, so they take that day off in trade for some of the others to have the last day off. Some participate in the giving on the third day and cover on the second, and vice versa. It’s a very delicate balancing act,” Okoye explained. “And, no, Wakanda is not full of ‘crazed radicalists.’ However, there’s still a lot of people to account for, and people are unpredictable.”

“Fair enough.” M’Baku wrapped his arms all the way around her, almost enveloping her. “Have you tried talking to the King?”

Okoye grimaced. “No...”

“I sense a ‘but’ coming on.”

“Royal strong-arming usually isn’t the best answer. It might get me the head count I need, but strong-arming usually results in some sour moods among the ranks, to say nothing of the Council,” Okoye said with a roll of her eyes.

M’Baku let out an unimpressed snort. “And here I thought the rest of Wakanda was banded together in the tightest of brotherhoods.”

“We’re all human down here. Humans are fallible. Besides, the only reason we’re running into this problem is because the other tribes aren’t used to fielding military and security needs. That has always fallen to the Border tribe and the Dora Milaje. I assure you, when everything’s running as it usually does, we’re quite the oiled machine.”

M’Baku laughed quietly. “You sound like Dewani. She’s always reminding me to consider the other side whenever I get too cynical. She likes to call me ‘The Great Curmudgeon.’”

“She’s a smart girl. You should listen to her.”

“I take it you approve of her.”

“I’m not sure why she would need my approval.”

“But you’re okay with her?”

Okoye studied M’Baku’s face as she tried to puzzle out what the man was getting at. “Are you worried that I won’t want to spend time with you if she’s in the picture?”

M’Baku’s cautious smile slipped into a veiled, bitter frown. “There have been... a few others who weren’t okay with Dewani. I’m her sole caretaker, and I intend to see that through until she comes of age. She and I are a package deal. I’m not going to shove her aside for anyone. Not ever. Especially since... ”

Okoye frowned. “Since what?”

M’Baku sighed. “Dewani is my half-sister, technically. Our father remarried her mother when my mother died to settle a territory dispute between the Jabari and the Mining tribe. My uncle took custody of her when our father died, but...”

“That didn’t go well, I take it,” Okoye said as she watched M’Baku’s expression darken.

“He abused her for several years. I managed to reclaim custody of her when I found out. Her experiences with him have left her scarred... I will never cast her aside, Okoye. She’s been through too much.”

Okoye smiled reassuringly at him, and reached up to stroke his cheek with her thumb. “I wouldn’t ask you to. I think she’s a remarkable young woman with an excellent sense of humor --just like you.”

M’Baku relaxed a bit and flashed her a cheeky grin. “Thank you. I like to think that I make quite the remarkable young woman as well.”

Okoye groaned as she realized her mistake. “No, that’s not what --you know that’s not what I meant!”

“I know, and thank you. It means a lot to hear you say that.”

Okoye glowered up at him. “You can be really annoying sometimes, you know that?”

“Just one of my many charms.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”

Something in M’Baku’s gaze shifted as he rubbed her cheek with the pad of his thumb. Intensity smoldered in his dark eyes, and he leaned forward to press his forehead against hers.

Okoye felt her heart stutter as his warm breath danced against her lips. She let her eyelids flutter shut as she felt his nose brush against hers.

Her communication bead started beeping.

Okoye scrunched up her face in a scowl and mentally swore death to whoever had just interrupted her. Okoye stepped back, took a moment to collect herself, and answered the call.

T’Challa’s face peered up at her. “General Okoye.”

Bast dammit. Regicide wasn’t an option she could afford. “My King. How can I help you?”

“I just saw the responses from the River and Merchant tribes. I wanted to discuss them with you. Could we meet in the main conference room?”

Okoye nodded. “Yes, my King. I’m about fifteen minutes out.”

“I’ll see you there.”

Okoye looked up at M’Baku as T’Challa closed the line. “I have to go.”

M’Baku smiled at her, and kissed her forehead one last time. “Go. Wakanda needs you.”

Yes, Wakanda needs me, Okoye thought as she took off at a brisk pace. And I need a vacation.

The sun had barely crested over the horizon, staining the sky with shades of yellow and coral. Birds were just starting their morning songs, and a light breeze cut through the still dawn air.

Okoye walked up the stairs that led to the landing platform outside the palace, trailed by Ayo and Aneka. T’Challa had woken her up early for ‘pleasant news, for a change,’ and Okoye had decided to bring the other two women along so that she could get a jump on the long list of preparations necessary to ensure that the Harvest Moon festival went off without a hitch. “Ayo, I’ll need you to oversee the morning training for the rest of the Dora Milaje so that I can get started on the walk through with Djabi and K’Wani.”

“Yes, General.”

“Aneka, I need you to start assessing the records of the volunteers we’ve been promised. Make sure that there isn’t any history of criminal activity on any of the volunteers. We can’t afford to have any weak points.”

“Yes, General, but shouldn’t the other tribes have already scanned for that?”

“We’re not dealing with the Border tribe this year,” Okoye said. “We have to take extra precautions.”

“Yes, General. What should I do if I find any warriors with unsatisfactory records?”

“Make a list and give it to me. I’ll handle it from there.”

“Yes, General. What do you think the pleasant news is?”

Okoye couldn’t help but smile slightly at Aneka’s curiosity. “If I knew, I would tell you. Oh, Ayo, I need you to run through the other possible candidates from the River and Merchant tribes. We’re still short one hundred fifty people, and having a list of names might help us back the tribal leaders into a corner.”

“Yes, General.”

Okoye cleared the last few steps to the landing pad and nearly froze in shock.

The landing pad was filled to the brim with dozens and dozens of Jabari warriors. At the front stood M’Baku, who was talking with the King.

What, in Bast’s name, is going on?

T’Challa looked over as she drew closer and grinned. “General Okoye.”

Okoye stopped and bowed. “My King.” She shot a wary glance at the Jabari. “What... what is all this?”

T’Challa shot a look at M’Baku that was equal parts amused and impressed. “I think I will let Chief M’Baku explain himself.”

At that, M’Baku grinned. “I believe you mentioned that you were short by one hundred fifty warriors?” He gestured back at the ranks of Jabari soldiers with a massive sweep of his arm. “May I present the best that the Jabari has to offer. One hundred fifty soldiers, to serve on the festival security contingency as needed.”

Okoye’s eyes widened, and she did a quick head count. There’s actually one hundred fifty of them. He actually pulled one hundred fifty of his soldiers to help me. She realized that T’Challa was watching her with unhidden amusement, and quickly rearranged her expression into something more professional. “Thank you, Chief M’Baku. The Dora Milaje and I are very grateful for the Jabari’s contribution. Aneka--” she turned to the younger soldier “--can you call up a Djabi and a few others to escort the Jabari warriors to the primary courtyard?”

“Yes, General.”

“Commander, can I trust you to review the soldiers and brief them on how we handle festival security?”

“Yes, General.”

Okoye faced T’Challa. “My King, if I could have a moment to speak with the Chief before I start the festival walk-through?”

T’Challa nodded after a moment, a knowing smile playing on his lips. He walked back to the palace, while Ayo and Aneka escorted the Jabari warriors off the landing pad.

Okoye waited until she was certain that she and M’Baku were alone, then leaped up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thank you.”

M’Baku laughed as he held her against his chest. “You’re welcome, my love. You know, you could’ve asked for my help yesterday. I would’ve said yes.”

“I didn’t want it to seem like the Jabari were only ‘fill ins’ to the rest of Wakanda,” Okoye admitted. “Besides, you had already filled your quota. I didn’t want to ask for so much more, especially since you were coming to observe for the first time.”

“There’s more than one way to observe, and observing from the stance of festival-goers and security personnel lets us gain a more rounded view of how things are handled down here.”

Okoye feigned suspicion as she looked up at M’Baku. “Dewani said that, didn’t she?”

M’Baku let out a hearty laugh. “Was it that obvious?”

“Just a little.”

M’Baku shrugged with an easy grin. “I told her I needed a good excuse to give to the King, and she came up with that.”

“What, helping me isn’t a good enough excuse?” Okoye teased.

“You seem to prefer not letting on that we’re ‘seeing each other.’ I want to respect that.”

Okoye sighed and smiled at him gently. “I would be fine with letting everyone know we’re seeing each other.”

“I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

Okoye traced her fingers over the seams that held his leather armor together. “My job doesn’t afford a lot of privacy. It’s nice to have something just for myself.”

M’Baku kissed the top of her head. “As long as that’s it.”

For a brief moment, Okoye thought about leaning up and kissing him properly. Unfortunately, before she could make up her mind, her kimoyo beads started beeping.

M’Baku smiled sadly. “Called away once more?”

“I have to do a walk through to assess the security points for the festival. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Go do your job. Keep Wakanda in check.”

Okoye chuckled as she forced herself to let go of M’Baku. “Last time I checked, that was the King’s job.”

“There is the one who makes the law, and then there is the one who does the work and enforces it.”

Okoye let out a scandalized laugh and smacked his arm. “I’m going before you get me in trouble.”

M’Baku darted forward with a grace surprising for someone of his size and kissed her on the cheek. “In case I don’t see you tonight.”

Okoye forced herself to walk off the landing pad, but she carried a besotted smile with her the entire way to the plaza where the walk through started.

Okoye blinked as she watched two warriors, one from the Mining tribe and one from the River tribe, duke it out in the festival arena. Wow. It’s the fifth day already. How did that happen?

The Jabari had been a true gift from Bast. None of them had protested the temporary use of the kimoyo beads to communicate during the festival, which had almost left her with her jaw on the floor.

The first day had gone off without a hitch. There hadn’t been so much as an argument to diffuse.

The second and third days were a little trickier. Instead of managing one big crowd in one area, they had to manage multiple moving crowds across the whole of Wakanda. Okoye had to track down several of the River tribe volunteers during the course of both days, who had stepped off to give to the poor to ensure that they were ‘in proper spiritual accord with their gods.’

Okoye understood wanting to partake in the festival, and she wouldn’t decry their devotion to the gods, but they had one fucking job to do, dammit, and Bast help her--

Okoye forced herself to take a deep breath when she realized her grip on her spear had gone from ‘hold it upright’ to ‘white knuckles of death.’

She was standing in the arena box that the royal family and tribal leaders sat in while the combat challenges took place. She could see everything taking place on the arena floor, but was close enough to the door that if she got a call from one of the security volunteers, she could step out and handle things without disturbing the family and the elders.

She smiled politely as the Mining tribe warrior finally yielded to the River tribe warrior, then smiled genuinely as Nakia stood up and cheered for her fellow tribesman.

This. This is Wakanda, Okoye thought as she watched the crowd applaud and cheer.

All the tribes together --including several Jabari--celebrating the year and the prosperity that Bast had blessed them with, celebrating their hard work and culture.

This is what Wakanda is supposed to be.

She was glad M’Baku and the Jabari were here to see the Harvest Moon festival. Hopefully, when they went back to their mountains and solitude, they’d remember the rest of Wakanda like this, rather than think that those who lived in the valley were vibranium-crazed modernists who thought nothing of their heritage.

“I still don’t understand why I can’t sit with Dewani and the rest of the Jabari,” Shuri complained as she gazed at the section occupied by the rest of the Jabari warriors.

“It’s your duty, as the Princess, to attend the festival with your family,” Ramonda said. “Besides, you’ll see her later.”

“Well, why can’t she sit up here with us? M’Baku’s sitting up here, and she’s the sister of the Chief of the Jabari. She’s just as important!”

“Because you need to watch the festival, not watch Dewani the whole day,” T’Challa teased before ducking out of the way of Shuri’s swinging fists.

“Behave, both of you,” Ramonda admonished her children. “Dewani chose to sit with the other Jabari warriors of her own accord. You need to respect her decision, my child.”

Okoye smirked as Shuri slumped in her chair, dejected. Ah, young love. A moment’s separation is an eternity of torture.

“Are there any other challengers who think they can best the champions of Wakanda?” the announcer cried out over the loudspeaker system.

There was a shuffling among the crowd, and man dressed in the traditional greens of the River tribe stepped onto the arena floor. “I am M’Kobu, son of M’Kenda!”

Okoye stiffened as recognition shot through her. How, in Bast’s name, did he get in here?

M’Kobu, son M’Kenda, tribesman and warrior of the River tribe. He had been on of the candidates for the Princess’s hand before the Queen Mother had stepped in and called the venture off.

M’Kobu, unlike the rest of the candidates, hadn’t taken the news with grace. Okoye could still remember restraining the enraged man in the throne room before he could attack the Queen Mother.

T’Chaka had decided, at the contrite begging of the River tribe elder, to merely ban M’Kobu from the palace and from direct participation in the festivals, rather than execute him.

Perhaps he thought the King wouldn’t remember his father’s edict, Okoye thought as she stepped out of the box to call Ayo. Unfortunately for him, I do. “How the hell did he get in? I know he was on the ban list!”

“As far as we can tell, he got in through the section monitored by the River tribe volunteers.”

Okoye's vision went red. “I’m going to kill them all.”

“Save that for later. Get him out of the arena before someone responds to his challenge. Once the combat starts, we can’t boot him until he yields.”

Okoye ended the communication and hurried back into the box.

“M’Kobu, son of M’Kenda! What do you fight for today?”

M’Kobu pointed his vibranium club at the royal box. “A year ago, I was promised an opportunity for the Princess’s hand, only to have it ripped away without justification. Today, I’m back to claim what is rightfully mine.” He laughed. “I mean, someone has to bring the brat of Wakanda to heel.”

The announcer laughed uncomfortably. “Right. Okay. Is... is there anyone who would answer to M’Kobu’s challenge?”

Shuri clutched at T’Challa’s arm. “Brother! Stop him! Please!”

Okoye took the opportunity to step up behind T’Challa’s seat and speak quietly in his ear. “My King, your father banned M’Kobu from directly participating in all festivals when he tried to attack the Queen Mother. He should be thrown out for violating the orders of the former King, to say nothing for how he just defamed the Princess.”

Before T’Challa could react, a figure darted out of the stands and onto the arena floor.

M’Baku stiffened in his seat. “No, no...”

“You want a fight?”

Okoye watched, stunned into silence, as Dewani strode across the arena floor, staff in hand. Child, what are you doing?

“Listen to me, you sad sack of shit,” Dewani snapped when M’Kobu started laughing. “I don’t know what you smoked to make you think you’re even remotely worthy of the Princess. Frankly, the fact you’ve already been rejected should tell you everything you need to know, which only confirms that you’re an incomprehensibly stupid twat with cow shit for brains. However, if it’s a fight you want, I’m happy to give it to you --unless you’re worried about being beaten by a backwards, savage child.”

Okay, so she knows how to talk smack, but that won’t help her once the fight starts. Breaking from protocol, Okoye reached out and gripped T’Challa’s shoulder. “My King, she hasn’t formally accepted his challenge. You need to stop--”

“Are you... are you formally accepting M’Kobu’s challenge?” the announcer asked, disbelief evident in his voice.

“I am,” Dewani said.

Okoye grimaced. There’s no turning back now.

“I see... and your name?”

Dewani stood up straighter. “I am Dewani, sister of M’Baku, the Great Gorilla of the Jabari tribe. I accept M’Kobu’s, son of M’Kenda, challenge, and I am going to clean this arena floor with his pompous ass!”

In the stands, the Jabari spectators cheered and barked for their Princess.

“Is there anyway to stop this?” M’Baku asked, voice strained.

T’Challa’s expression was grave as he shook his head. “No. Not until one of them yields.”

“Alright. The match is between M’Kobu of the River tribe and Dewani of the Jabari tribe. This is a non-lethal fight, so it ends when one of you yields. Understood?” When both warriors nodded, the announcer raised his hand. “Then, let this match begin!”

Okoye couldn’t move from her spot, glued in place as she was by the spectacle.

Granted, Dewani was a decent opponent. She had a sharp, quick mind, and she was built broadly, with strong shoulders and thick legs. She was only a few inches shorter than T’Challa as well, which certainly helped her.

Unfortunately, it was even more obvious that she was still an amateur. Her footwork was unsteady, her stance too tense. Against a more experienced fighter like M’Kobu--

Okoye clenched her teeth as she watched M’Kobu land another blow to Dewani’s shoulder. Loosen up, Okoye thought, as though she could telepathically implant the suggestion in Dewani’s mind. Your shoulders are too tight; it’s throwing off your strikes.

Something wasn’t right with Dewani, either. Her jaw was visibly tight, and the look in her eyes almost seemed cagey.

Okoye frowned as details flickered through her mind. M’Baku said that their uncle abused her, that it left her with scars. Just how bad was her experience? Would it be enough to shut her down in a fight?

“T’Challa! Just stop this already! He shouldn’t even be here!”

Shuri’s frantic arguing pulled Okoye back to reality.

“Dewani answered his challenge! I can’t throw M’Kobu out until he yields!”

“You should’ve reacted faster!”

Okoye watched, horrified as M’Kobu clocked Dewani across the head with his club. “He’s fighting dirty!” She clapped a hand over her mouth as he brought his club down on Dewani’s left shoulder, causing Dewani to let out a shriek of pain and drop her staff. Her shoulder’s out. He dislocated her shoulder.

M’Baku gripped the armrests of his chair, anger burning in his dark eyes. “End this now, or I’ll go down there and throw him out myself!”

“You have no right to speak to speak to your King in such a manner!” the River tribe elder snapped.

Okoye gasped as M’Kobu grabbed Dewani by her collar, then let out a shaky sigh of relief when he recoiled after Dewani slammed her right fist into his face a couple times.

Shuri was screaming, completely panicked. “T’Challa! Just stop this already!”

“Get some of the Dora Milaje down there,” T’Challa ordered. “This has gone on long enough.”

“I’ve already called Ayo.” Okoye leaned forward as Dewani skittered backwards, clutching at her left arm. What is she doing? Her stomach lurched as she watched Dewani try to pop her shoulder back in. “No, no, no, no. Don’t try to relocate it. Just let us end the match,” she whispered, even though Dewani couldn’t hear her.

In the arena, Dewani let out a cry of pain, then managed to pop her shoulder back into its socket.

She’s done that before, Okoye thought to herself. She shouldn’t know how to do that. Okoye’s blood ran cold as she caught sight of the look in Dewani’s eyes, turning what little relief she felt into dread. Oh fuck.

Later, she’d describe it to Ayo that it was if Dewani had left and was replaced by a malevolent demon. Sure, it was the same body and face, but the energy in her eyes, the energy pouring off of her, was like a cornered beast that was ready to snap.

She’d seen it before, too many times, in the War Dogs that came back after particularly heinous missions.

“T’Challa.” Okoye struggled to find her voice as she watched Dewani seeth through gritted teeth. “Call it off now. Call it off.”

Dewani lowered herself into a crouch, then launched herself across the arena.

Okoye found herself recoiling, despite her training. Shit, she’s fast.

Dewani was on M’Kobu in seconds and slammed into him with the force of a rhinoceros. She took him to the floor with a sickening thud, knocking his club clean out of his hands and sending it sailing.

The crowd cheered as Dewani straddled herself over M’Kobu, pinned his arms with her knees, and started punching him.

Shuri was sobbing angrily as she shook T’Challa by his shoulders. “Just stop this! She shouldn’t have to fight him! Just stop it already!”

“I agree with Shuri. This ends now,” Ramonda said. “Call off the fight, T’Challa!”

M’Baku was gripping the railing of the box, shouting down at his sister. “Dewani! Stop!”

Dewani stopped punching M’Kobu, only to start choking him out instead.

Okoye called Ayo. “Get the Milaje on the arena floor. She’s snapped. She can’t stop herself.”

M’Kobu squirmed underneath Dewani, before he finally smacked his hand against her leg in submission.

Dewani didn’t stop.

“Now! Do it now, Ayo!”

M’Baku leaned halfway over the railing. “Dewani! He yielded!”

Dewani flinched as she registered her brother’s voice, seemed to realize that M’Kobu was still smacking his hand against her leg, then scrambled off him so fast he might as well have been on fire. For a moment, she looked like she had no idea what to do. Then, she put on a fake air of bravado and cheered loudly, beating her chest in victory. The Jabari in the stands responded in kind, until the rest of the spectators were swept up into the celebration along with them. Dewani shot one last, shaky grin at the crowd, then practically sprinted into one of the tunnels under the arena.

“She’s off him,” Okoye told Ayo. “Be ready to carry M’Kobu out of the arena.”

T’Challa let out a relieved sigh. “Shuri, I’m-- where she’d go?”

Okoye turned around just in time to see Shuri sprinting towards the stairs that led to the tunnels. “She’s going after Dewani!” Okoye ran after the Princess, taking the stairs two at a time as she tried to catch up to Shuri. “Princess Shuri! Wait!”

Shuri was standing a few feet away from Dewani, wringing her hands. “I found her like this! I don’t know what to do!”

Dewani was sitting on the floor, back against the tunnel wall. She was shaking like a leaf, and her breaths were shallow and irregular. Her eyes were wide and unfocused, and she almost seemed like a rag doll.

“What’s happening to her? Is she dying?”

“No,” Okoye said. “I don’t think so. Check her with your kimoyo beads to be sure.”

“I already did! They couldn’t find anything fatal!”

“Then she’s not dying. Try to calm down, please.”

Okoye had seen plenty of death before --it was the nature of her job. While she wasn’t a psychologist, what she was watching looked more like a severe panic attack than anything else.

Oh, child. Why did you push yourself so hard if this was going to be the outcome? We would’ve handled it. With a sigh, Okoye knelt in front of Dewani and took the girl’s hands in hers.

Dewani’s eyes snapped into focus, and she made a noise that was somewhere between a whimper and a snarl.

“Breathe,” Okoye said gently. “In through your nose, out through your mouth.”

Dewani tried to follow Okoye’s instructions, but only managed jerky, faltering half-breaths.

“Breathe with me.” She started doing warrior breaths, breathing in through her nose until her lungs were full, then exhaling through her mouth until they were empty.

Dewani’s fingers tightened around Okoye’s hands as she started mimicking the her.

“That’s it,” Okoye said softly. “You’re safe. Just breathe as best you can.”

Eventually, Dewani’s breathing evened out, and she seemed to be solidly back in the present world. Her eyes were tired, but she wasn’t staring through the wall anymore.

Okoye let out a quiet breath as she relaxed a little. She looked up for the first time in almost twenty minutes to assess where everyone was at.

T’Challa and Nakia were standing about six feet back, far away enough to give proper space, but close enough to keep an eye on things. They were holding hands, and the lovers had identical worried expressions on their faces.

Shuri and Ramonda were closer, only a few feet away. Ramonda was holding Shuri, who was crying quietly as she leaned against her mother’s chest.

M’Baku was standing the closest, expression grim. Wordlessly, he sat down next to his sister and put his hand on her good arm.

Dewani let out a shaky breath, looked up at the grim faces surrounding her, and said, “Why does everyone look like they’re attending a funeral?”

“I thought you were dying!” Shuri exclaimed as she darted over to Dewani’s side.

“Why would I be dying?”

“Well, I didn’t know if you’d sustained any internal injuries! I mean, he hit you on the head!”

“Oh, yeah. That did happen.” Dewani took her hands out Okoye’s and held onto M’Baku’s hand with one and Shuri’s with the other. She glanced between her brother and her girlfriend. “Well, don’t we make quite the trio.”

Shuri let out a high-pitched, nervous laugh as she leaned against Dewani, the recoiled hard when Dewani let out a hiss of pain. “I’m sorry! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, that’s just my bad shoulder.”

Shuri was on her feet in seconds. “Come on, I’ll take you to my lab. You’ll be healed up in no time.”

“The Jabari don’t use vibranium to heal themselves,” M’Baku muttered, but there wasn’t any real protest in his voice.

“I think Hanuman will forgive us if we indulge in advanced medicine this one time,” Dewani said as she let Shuri pull her to her feet with her good arm. “Besides, do you really think you’ll win an argument with her? In this state?”

Okoye chuckled, mostly because it was clear that was the reaction Dewani wanted, and held her hand out to M’Baku. “You know she’s right.”

From her post by the lab’s entrance, Okoye could see everything.

Shuri was flitting about nervously as she used her technology to check for internal injuries and heal a few cracked ribs that Dewani had suffered during her fight with M’Kobu. Her expression was pinched, only loosening for brief spurts as Dewani mouthed off and cracked jokes before her face would pucker with stress once more.

Dewani, to her credit, was doing remarkably well in spite of everything. Her eyes were tired, but she was still smiling and laughing as she tried to get Shuri to relax. Only when Shuri’s back was turned did the cheerful mask slip, and the weariness set back in.

T’Challa and M’Baku were watching their sisters near the entrance, careful to give Shuri enough room to work. T’Challa’s gaze followed Shuri as she moved about her lab, while M’Baku’s was set, never leaving his sister.

Nakia and Ramonda had left to deal with the council, who had called an emergency meeting once Dewani was patched up.

When Shuri walked over to fiddle with something on one of the tables, T’Challa reached out and brushed his fingers against her arm. “Is everything okay?”

“Joints dislocate easier when they’ve been dislocated multiple times,” Shuri mumbled before walking back to Dewani.

T’Challa frowned, and turned to Okoye. “Do you know what she means?”

“Dewani’s dislocated her left shoulder more than once,” Okoye said. “Or, more likely, someone’s dislocated it for her more than once.”

There was an uncomfortable pause, and they both looked up at M’Baku.

M’Baku’s eyes were glossy as he watched Dewani smile at Shuri. “My mother died when I was ten. My father remarried Dewani’s mother, a woman from the Mining tribe, to settle a border dispute. His brother was not a fan of the match, and when my father and Dewani’s mother died...” His voice trailed off, and he let out a shaky breath. “Our uncle is not a kind man, nor is he an open-minded one.

Okoye looked down to hid her own tears. She’d heard the story before, but what she’d imagined paled in comparison to the results she’d witnessed today. What kind of bastard dislocates a child’s shoulder?

“I only got her back two years ago,” M’Baku said, voice wavering. “She wouldn’t even look at me during the first couple months. She didn’t smile for six more, not at all.”

T’Challa placed his hand on M’Baku’s shoulder. “You’ve done a wonderful job with her. She’s a lovely young woman. You should be proud of her.”

“I am,” M’Baku said as he wiped tears away from his eyes. “I really am. She’s come so far.”

“Hey, no! Don’t make him cry!” Dewani said from across the lab. “He blubbers like a baby when he gets started, and I’m the one who’ll have to clean him up!”

“I do not blubber like a baby,” M’Baku said indignantly, smiling nonetheless.

“Oh, please. Whales look at you and go ‘wow, he blubbers a lot.’”

“Ah, and is that your translation of things?”

“No, it’s a cat’s. I heard it through the grape vine.”

“Oh, so you take your advice from fruit and felines now.” M’Baku shot a teasing glance at T’Challa. “How... dubious.”

“Says the man who’s most striking resemblance to a gorilla is the way he snores!”

“Her ribs and shoulder are done healing,” Shuri said in a watery voice. “Fortunately, there weren’t any other internal injuries.”

Dewani spread her arms open with a faltering smile. “Good as new!”

T’Challa let out a heavy sigh, and placed his hand on Dewani’s good shoulder. “I owe you an apology, Dewani. I should’ve stopped M’Kobu before anyone could’ve answered his challenge, and I should’ve stopped him even though you responded. I’m sorry.”

Dewani shrugged, somewhat deflated. “It’s okay.” She jerked her head at M’Baku. “He’s always telling me that I let my temper run away with me too much, anyway.” Her voice cracked at the end, and she tilted her head back, blinking hard.

T’Challa patted Dewani’s shoulder, then nudged his sister. “Let’s give them a minute.” He looked at Okoye. “Will you escort the Chief to the throne room when she’s ready?”

Okoye nodded, and tried to make herself as unobtrusive as possible as T’Challa and Shuri left. She watched as M’Baku stepped in front of Dewani and pulled her into his arms, until all that was visible of the teenage girl were her arms, which were pressed against his back.

For a moment, everything was quiet. The lab was like a tomb.

Then, a tiny whimper escaped Dewani. The whimper became whine, the whine became a cry, and eventually she was sobbing, hoarse and broken. Her arms and hands went from resting against her brother’s back to clinging, desperately, as though if she loosened her grip he’d sail away from her.

Okoye felt her eyes sting as Dewani’s pained cries echoed off the lab walls. She did her best to blink back her tears and keep her face clean. You can have your sadness later. You still need to look presentable for the council meeting.

Yes, it was sweet that the two cared for each other so obviously, but Okoye couldn’t help but view the entire thing as a tragedy.

As far as she could understand, M’Baku had adopted Dewani because he had to, because he had to save her. There was no doubt that he found great joy in caring for his sister, but there was an undeniable element of necessity that painted a picture of an angry, broken family with a child caught in between them.

In some ways, it reminded her of the disaster of T’Chaka’s and N’Jobu’s falling out, the disaster that had created N’Jadaka’s campaign against his extended family.

Okoye allowed herself a small smile as M’Baku kissed the top of his sister’s head and wiped the tears off her cheeks. Fortunately, Dewani has something in her life that N’Jadaka likely never had --someone who cares about her deeply.

Dewani would be okay. Okoye was sure of that.

When she stepped into the throne room, despite her many years of navigating the palace, Okoye thought for a moment that she took a wrong turn. This isn’t a council meeting. This is pit of chaos.

Normally, the Tribal Elders could usually be counted on to maintain some level of decorum. Okoye had only ever seen two out and out fights --once when the UN started leaning on Wakanda to open its borders to an inspection team, and once when T’Challa was reseated as King; fingers were pointed in every direction, each leader trying to cover their own ass for having not challenged the outsider, until T’Challa managed to get a word in edgewise and assure the leaders that he held no grudges or ill feelings.

Today, the elders were all talking over each other, creating a din that echoed off the walls and high ceilings. It was almost impossible to pick out words or phrases, but years of practice helped Okoye put together that they were arguing about two things: how M’Kobu had gotten into the arena, and Dewani.

“That’s enough!”

Okoye’s head whipped up at the sound of T’Challa’s voice, clear and clearly annoyed. She carefully took her seat as she watched him struggle to compose himself.

“I appreciate your concern and enthusiasm over Chief M’Baku’s sister, but it stops there. The relationship between my sister and the Jabari princess is my family’s concern, Chief M’Baku’s concern, and no one else’s. Am I clear?” When the --slightly cowed--leaders murmured their agreement, T’Challa nodded. “Good. That leaves dealing with M’Kobu.”

“Well, there’s only one person in here that can explain that,” the River tribe elder said crisply. “General Okoye, would you like to explain the failings of your soldiers?”

Between the weeks of scrambling to prepare for the festival and the last two hours she’d just gone through, something snapped in Okoye. They refuse to let us use our regular security force, forcing us to train an entirely new team in less than adequate time, balk on providing the amount of support needed, their volunteers are the ones that ran off and let M’Kobu in, and they want to blame my women? “My soldiers?” Okoye hissed as she tried to reel her temper in. “You want to blame my soldiers for what happened today?”

“They were in charge of the security force. This failure in on their heads.”

Okoye nearly ripped the armrests off her seat. “Do you really want to know what happened? Your volunteers decided to ignore the blacklist we gave them and let M’Kobu in!”

“Well, maybe they thought--”

“No!” Okoye snapped. “They didn’t think! Instead of listening to my women, they went and did their own damn thing!” She smacked her hands together. “This is why we need the Border tribe! This is why we needed our regular security contingency! They already knew about the blacklist from several years of working during festivals and celebrations, and they’re used to following orders!”

“Yes, but we couldn’t count on the Border tribe to be loyal after their betrayal.”

“Well, we can’t count on the other tribes either!” Okoye exclaimed, exasperated. “Both the Merchant and the River tribes balked on the numbers that they promised to supply. If it hadn’t been for the Jabari, we would’ve been short by over one hundred people! If you’re going to force us to go without one of the tribes, then the other tribes have to pick up the slack! There’s no other option!”

The River and Merchant tribe elders had the decency to look sheepish.

“General Okoye is right,” T’Challa said after a moment. “If anything, today proves how much Wakanda needs all her tribes. We cannot function if we are divided. The Border tribe needs to be welcomed back into the fold.” He stood. “If you’ll excuse me, my sister’s had a rough day and I need to attend to her. We can discuss reintegrating the Border tribe at a later date.”

Let’s see... make sure all my bills are up to date, make sure nothing’s growing in the fridge, pull my winter jacket out of storage...

Okoye smiled to herself as she walked down the inner hall that led to the landing platform. She was going to say a quick good-bye to M’Baku, then head to her apartment to pack, and then...

Then, in forty-eight short hours, she’d be up in the mountains with M’Baku.

For nearly two weeks.

She’d smacked Ayo in the shoulder last night when her second-in-command had not-so-innocently asked if her contraceptive shot was up to date.

“I almost didn’t recognize you without the armor on.”

Okoye looked down at her blue, yellow, and orange blouse and plain jeans that Shuri had given her last year. “I don’t wear the armor when I’m off duty.” She grinned up at M’Baku, but her grin faded when she took in his solemn expression. “Is everything okay?”

“How upset would you be if I asked you to postpone your visit to the Jabari lands?”

Okoye’s heart sank, but she did her best to keep her expression neutral. “What’s wrong?”

M’Baku let out a heavy sigh. “My grandmother’s health has taken a turn for the worse. Dewani is deeply attached to her, so I suspect most of time between reaching home and coming back for the next council meeting will be devoted to caring for them both.”

Ah. Nothing to raise a fuss over. He’s got his hands full. “It’s fine. Being the General of the Dora Milaje racks up a lot of overtime. I’ve got several months of vacation days stored up. We’ll simply plan for another time.”

The look of relief on M’Baku’s face was almost heartbreaking. “Thank you. I’m sorry for backing out on you.”

“It’s fine; you’re not backing out on me.” Okoye wrapped her arms around his waist in a reassuring hug. “Would it be offensive if I offered a prayer to Bast for your grandmother’s health?”

“No, as long as you don’t make any offerings or burn incense during the prayer, but...”

“...But?”

M’Baku’s eyes were glossy as he went on. “The healers think this might be the end. She has cancer, and they’re pretty sure it’s in its final stages.”

Okoye frowned sadly. “I’m so sorry, my love. You know, the Princess would happily examine her to see if she had something that would help.”

“I can’t do that.”

“I know the Jabari are wary of vibranium, but if you’re worried about adverse side effects--”

“I didn’t say ‘I won’t do that.’ I said I can’t.”

“I’m not following.”

M’Baku stepped out of her arms to stare out the one of the windows that dotted the hallway, jaw tense with anger. “I’m not the executor of my grandmother’s care and estate. That duty falls to my uncle, and he’ll never approve.”

“You’re the chief. Can’t you override him?”

“Could I? Yes. Unfortunately, the consequences of doing that aren’t exactly minor. He has a lot of friends among the Jabari, and I’m the youngest chief to be elected in our tribe’s history. I’ve already caught flack for rejoining the rest of Wakanda. I can’t afford any careless missteps, especially in an area where he holds so much authority in his own right. I only managed to get Dewani away from him because of my authority as chief of the tribe. If I lose that power...” M’Baku shuddered. “I can’t even think about it.”

Okoye rubbed her hand against his arm as she tried to comfort him. “Is he really that bad?”

M’Baku shot her a dark, angry look. “He beat my sister for being a half-Mining tribe lesbian. What do you think?” Before she could respond, M’Baku let out a groan and covered his eyes with his hand. “Sorry... sorry. I shouldn’t have directed my anger at you. He’s just--”

“A wasp in the garden of life?” Okoye offered.

“No shit. Angry, self-righteous, buzzy little bastard...”

“I happen to know some people who are pretty good with a fly swatter.”

M’Baku laughed. “Don’t tempt me. I get enough bad ideas all on my own.”

“I’m just saying. You know where to find me.”

M’Baku gave her an incredulous look. “You’d commit yourself to an inter-tribal hit?”

Okoye flashed him a devious grin. “I’d use my spear. Files would be redacted and witnesses would go missing. Simple.”

M’Baku let out a peal of shocked laughter, but it was cut off by an irritated shout.

“M’Baku!” Dewani’s voice echoed through the hall. “I swear to Hanuman, if you--”

“What did I say about swearing to Hanuman over inconsequential matters?”

“Something about blasphemy.” Dewani rounded the corner. “Oh. Hi, Okoye!” She waved, then pointed in the direction of the landing platform. “Our ship is waiting.”

“Thank you, Dewani--”

“It’s ready.”

“I gathered as much. I’ll be coming in just a minute.”

“You know that’s a pitfully short amount of time to last, right?”

Okoye snorted and clapped a hand over her mouth.

M’Baku, by comparison, was far less amused. “Go.”

“Sheesh, fine! Make one dick joke, and suddenly you’re a pariah!”

“Dewani!”

“I’m going!”

“Your sister is a gem,” Okoye said once Dewani rounded the corner and disappeared from view.

“Exactly! I’m a fucking delight!”

“Dewani!” M’Baku glared at the corner, then refocused on Okoye when it offered no further commentary. “Sorry. I’m still working on housebreaking her.”

Okoye shrugged. “Believe me, I’ve heard worse.”

M’Baku’s eyes went dark and intense as he gazed down at her. He rubbed the pad of his thumb over her cheek. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll be here when you come back,” she promised. She felt her heart lurch in her chest as M’Baku leaned down towards her, and let her eyelids flutter shut.

It wasn’t forceful or brutish. Instead, M’Baku kissed her with a gentleness --with a tenderness--that completely belied his size and made her feel like she was floating.

“If you keep kissing me like that, I won’t be able to let go,” Okoye warned him when they parted.

“I’m not opposed to that.”

“I figured as much, but I won’t be practical for what you’re headed in to.”

“I adapt quickly.”

Okoye shook her head as she laughed. “You’re impossible.”

“It hasn’t put you off me yet.”

“You couldn’t put me off you if you tried.” Okoye kissed him once more, briefly, and patted his chest. “Go. Your ship is waiting.”

“Good-bye, Okoye.”

"Are you finally done sucking face with your girlfriend?”

“That’s enough, Dewani.”

“Sorry. Bye, Okoye!”

“Good-bye, Dewani.” She watched M’Baku’s back as he walked away from her, then smiled and made a gentle shooing motion with her hands when he paused at the corner to turn back and look at her.

M’Baku smiled softly at her, then stepped past the bend.

Okoye let out a sad sigh, and slumped against the wall. It’s okay. Life happens. There will be other times. She stood, and walked in the opposite direction of hte landing platform.

Her apartment in Birnin Zana was waiting for her.

#sass writes #black panther fanfiction #okoye x m'baku #shuri x oc #t'challa x nakia #my humble contribution to the fandom #holy shit this is long #sorry #tw: injury #tw: panic attack #tw: implied abuse #all aboard the angst train #m'baku is an excellent older brother #dewani is a little shit too #wakanda forever #seriously how did this get so long?

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clevercatchphrase · 7 years

Text

2017 in review, and goals for 2018

If I had to describe 2017 in one word it would be... monotonous. Sure, there were plenty of ups and downs, but for the most part, especially the latter 6 months, I just felt like I was going through the motions, holding my nose to the grind stone, doing work and paying off student loans. 2017 blew by me, and I remember thinking each month passed by with unusal quickness. There's a strange sense of disociation with that, like I wasn't really connected to reality for most of the year, and instead watched it pass me by from a seperate temporal window. In a weird way it may have been a bit of a godsend as well. I hear 2017 was hard for a lot of people, but feeling so disonnected from the year may have protected me and cushioned the blow in a sense.

I lost a family member this year in early june. I knew it was coming ever since january as I hated having to watch them deteriorate and get worse and worse until they finally passed. The three months leading up to it and the three months after were particularly hard and left me feeling unable to write or draw or do anything productive. I still miss them terribly. I always will. But I hope I won't let it immobilize me as much this year as it did last year.

Anyway, Let's review my goals for last year and see what I've accomplished. I’ve a lot to say, so for brevity’s sake I’ve put it all under the cut.

GOALS FOR 2017 1) Finish my 50 billion fan fictions so I can get back to drawing Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha. HAHAHAHAHA. The depression I got halfway through the year throughly put a halt on this. I haven't even finished one of the fics I've started in 2016. I got close, seeing as i participated in NaNoWriMo this year to try and force myself to finish, but I still need to revise and edit all that I've written and the motivation is non existant. GOD, I have so many stories too, all of them still undertale fan fiction because I'm still not over that game. I'll list them all when I share my goals for this year later below. 2)Draw in 2 pages of my sketch book each week so I'll finish a sketch book in a year. I was SO CLOSE with this one! I filled out 95 pages! But you know what i discovered in august? I realized that my 100 page sketch book.... was actually 150 pages! Oh well! I drew more this year than I thought i would! Just because i didn't hit 100 pages, doesn't mean I didn't accomplish something! 3) Finish 14 out of the remaining 27 lessons on my duolingo course I went fucking above and beyond with this one. I hit this goal back in may, and then I completely finished up the danish duolingo course by november. I also passed my 1095 day streak which translates to doing duolingo daily for OVER 3 YEARS STRAIGHT. I still practice daily to build my vocabulary, and I know I can't speak it for the life of me, or follow along with fast speakers, but give me a few minutes and I can probably read it for you. Funny how that works, where I can understand danish if it's written out, but ask me to translate from english to danish and I struggle like a butterfly in a tumble dryer. 4) Become passibly fluent in ASL I have this box of 600 ASL flash cards, and this year I practiced two of them a day until I got through the entire box. I certainly learned a bunch of new words but I wouldn't say I was fluent yet. I certainly don't know all the grammar rules yet. I HAVE been able to sign with people at my job, though I do rely heavily on fingerspelling still. Most everyone I talked with seemed to know I was trying and they seemed really excited that I could understand them if they were patient with me. I put more of my focus on Danish last year, but now that I'm done with Danish, maybe I can focust more on ASL. My sister told me about this site similar to duolingo called "memrise" that actually has an ASL course, so you can bet I'll be looking into that. 5) Read the entire dictionary I did this! I kept two spiral note books and wrote down any words I thought were cool or interesting! I haven't gone back and re-read the words I wrote down, but maybe I will this year! It was exhausting. It was weird. I still can't believe I spent about 200 hours last year doing this. 6) Read one new book every month Much like my sketch book goal, I almost completed this one. I kept it up every month until October, and then I just... stopped. I read more than I thought this year, though I ended up usually waiting until the last week of each month to read, and I also cheated by counting the dictionary as one of the things I read (hey, it's a book, ain't it?) I also re-read old books that I know I like, so not entirely 10 new books were read this year. Reading 1 new book a month isn't one of my goals this year, but I hope to read more new stuff reguardless, 7) Actually use the tutorials and references I reblog Seeing as I barely did any digitial art this year, I can't say I did this one. 8) Do more art streams I think my goal was to stream once a month. I clearly didn't do this. I DID stream in 2017, I just didn't tell anyone. Idk why, I just... went live for people to see but didn't let anyone know I did. I also only streamed like... twice? sigh... So... out of the 8 goals I set, I would say I accomplished close to half. I read the dictionary, I finished my danish language course (which I'm counting as two completed goals) and combining the "read 1 new book a month" and "draw 100 pages in a sketch book" I'll count that as one completed goal. I went through all my ASL cards, though I'm not fluent, OH! I also wanted to pay off 6k loan that I had. I want to count this one as a success because I DID FUCKING PAY OVER 6 THOUSAND DOLLARS IN LOANS THIS YEAR. I got a surprise loan I had no idea about in june that was 1500 dollars, which threw me off. I managed to pay it off in 2 months, BUT IF THAT LOAN HAD NEVER EXISTED I TOTALLY WOULD HAVE FINISHED PAYING OFF THE 6K ONE. I've got a little over a thousand left to pay on the 6k loan now, which I will complete by the end of January. I'm so close to being under 10k in debt... GOALS FOR 2018 1)Go from being 5 figures in student loan debt down to 4 figures in debt (pay off 2 out of 4 loans) If everything goes according to Keikaku I'll achieve this by the end of June. This has to factor in things like updating my car registration in april, oil changes, tune ups, tire rotation, gas and food expenses, but as long as I don't get fired I should be fine! 2) Stretch Daily Not exercise. I never exercise. But it would be nice to increase my flexibility. 3) STOP TOUCHING YOUR GODDAMN FACE/ find an effective acne treatment I also want to try washing my face daily. Im fucking 25. I shouldn't have this many pimples. 4) Do another song comic I made A lyrictale for Undertale at the end of 2015 in ten days. I want to make another. I already have it scripted, now I just need to do it. 5) Do at least one art stream a month. Hey, maybe I can stream the next song comic I do. Sure, it'd spoil the song and story for everyone, but doesn't that sound fun? 6)Practice ASL I just started looking into Memrise and their ASL courses. They actually have A LOT, AND! THEY HAVE SIGN LANGUAGE COURSES FOR OTHER COUNTRIES! This year is gonna be fun. (Also, the only reason I want to learn ASL because of Undertale. I'll let you figure out how they are connected) 7) Sew 4 stuffed animals I started sewwing a Hobbes plush in the middle of last year. His body is finished. I just never did the head. The other three stuffed animals I want to make I will keep a secret because I love to keep people guessing. 8) Make two AMVs There are two songs I want to put to Avatar; The Last Airbender, and Avatar; The Legend of Korra. I have about half the footage... I just... need to rewatch the shows and put the clips together. Hey, maybe after I find all the clips I can do a stream of that as well. 9) Last but not least, finish my many, MANY Undertale Fan Fics. a. You Monster (34 out of 37 chapters are written, but only 29 are posted) b. Finish the "Of Two Minds" series (it's explicit don't look) c. Color Theory (A chasriel one shot) d. Something Left Behind (Terrible AU Idea #647) e. Let's Get Real (Self insert, joke, parody thing that will also be explicit) f. Game Day! (something about soccer games with Mettaton along the same vain as Field Trip!) g. Would You Like Fries With That (Nicepants because there's not enough of it in the world) h. Science Fair! (something with Undyne and school projects along the same vain as Field Trip!) i. One that is so horribly dark and fucked that I won't even describe it here. Welp! Those are my goals for 2018! What are your goals for 2018? Whatever they are, I wish you success and improvement, health and wealth! Stay safe this year! I love you all~

#new year's resolutions #long post

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avaquet · 7 years

Text

A.N.D.R.O.M.E.D.A. Chapter 2- The Arrival

Read on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11882625/chapters/26963214

Edit: The read more link didn’t work, hopefully it does this time, I apologize in advance

Summary:

Sara finally wakes up in Andromeda, but an unexpected event occurred that might make the journey feel like a mistake.

** This chapter is long. About 10k words.

Notes:

~~I watched a person bounce off the ceiling gently. The only things that weren't floating was the medical beds that were connected to the floor and the sides of the walls and up to the ceiling. Thankfully, I stayed in one general place the whole time. More of a horizontal levitation than floating somewhere.~~

*This chapter can be skipped, as it is the same as the beginning of the game but with a few twists and more internal thought and emotion. There is extra dialogue in areas, but the beginning of the game still has the same premise.

634 years later. Date: 0 hour 0 day

Andromeda galaxy, Heleus cluster. Destination: Habitat 7, Eriksson system.

I gasped and jolted up. Light had filled my vision and I was horizontal instead of vertical. It had only felt like a couple of seconds had passed. Were we really here? I saw lights and further away scientists waked up more people. "Holy shit." I muttered. "We made it." Two scientists came over when I tried to stand up. I was excited but also a bit light headed, I had fallen back down onto my pod.

A male scientist grasped my shoulders. "Deep breaths. You're gonna want to take it easy."

The female scientist typed on her datapad.

"I've been taking it easy for 600 years." I tried to retort.

"You mean 634 years?"

"Ryder, Sara. Recon Specialist, Pathfinder Mission Team." She had read from her datapad.

I sat in silence while I was being checked over. Thoughts had still been hazy, my body had felt like it had just woken up directly from sleep paralysis. I was warmer than when I went into cryo, but still a bit chilled.

"Pathfinder Team, eh? The ones finding us a home."

The feeling of fatigue had hit me. I dropped my head and was struggling to keep my eyes open. Everything just seemed so damn foggy. I tried taking slow and deep breaths.

"Can you make it somewhere tropical? Nice warm ocean, summer year-round..."

Maybe they had noticed that everything that they said flew over my head. I tried keeping my eyes up to look at them but failed most attempts.

The male scientist helped me up by my arm. Legs felt like Jell-O. "How about we get her a cup of coffee, first?" The female scientist grabbed my other arm and we walked slowly.

Ugh, coffee. "Do they have anything else?"

"Not a coffee fan?" I shook my head. "Ah. Sorry, Sara. Coffee is the only thing on the menu."

"Energy supplements?" I stumbled a bit and they had caught me.

"Your body just woke up from a 600 year nap. Completely turned off, even most brain functions. Your body would appreciate liquids and easily digestible paste."

So that's why it didn't actually feel like 600 years. How could I dream or even knew time existed without proper brain functions? Yeah okay, I'm waking up. "How long?"

"Until?"

"I can eat properly."

"Depends. Dr. T'Perro will be taking a look at you in the med bay."

"Uh, who?"

"Lexi. Dr. Lexi T'Perro."

"Sounds like an asari name."

"She is an asari."

Well, okay. That makes sense.

We had approached the end of the cryo bay and into the blinding light of the med bay. I had straightened up a bit more and my walking balanced. The giant hologram hadn't changed. Still played the same photos with a voice in the background talking optimistically about golden worlds, Pathfinder Team, Arks, and everything else related to the Initiative. Another person had come by to drop off the coffee and the two scientists sat me down at the med bay table before they walked back to the cryo bay.

As I drank the coffee with disgust, I watched the pictures on the screen flip through again. An image of a waterfall and a small lake surrounded by green, blue, yellow, and purple plants had caught my attention. Seemed peaceful and lovely, but I knew it wasn't Habitat 7, those pictures were different.

"The selection process saw the Andromeda Initiative evaluate thousands of potential habitable planets-" I zoned out the hologram screen voice. I like a good attitude, but it just sounded so fake, annoyingly fake. Like an instrument trying to play the highest note but failing.

The picture had changed from a peaceful sound to an asteroid field of some kind. Now that I thought about it. These aren't the same pictures we saw in the debrief. There was no asteroid field or picture of that waterfall. Does the VI update as time goes on? How are we getting the updates? Does the Ark have a long range scanner? Was that a planet of some kind or was that asteroid field always there? That looks like an asteroid hitting a planet, but, damn I hope I'm wrong.

I was so lost in thought as I was slumped over the bed, ignoring my coffee, and stared at the vid screen, that I didn't notice the asari walk right past my view and stopped at the foot of the bed.

"Sara Ryder? Let's get you checked out." I heard her voice, soft spoken and very gentle. Calm.

I looked up at her. "Huh?"

"I said, let's get you checked out." I straightened up as she scanned me. "Look here." The orange glow from her omni tool scan was a bit much for my eyes currently.

People rushed past us. A quick tempo ghosted the room. The sound of footsteps against the floor like large ants playing drums. The room was noisy and incoherent. Colors flashed in my mind, a mix of blue and white swirling frantically, while a yellow splashed into the mix. Like a rushing waterfall being beaten by the sun. Would prefer that sound over this. The vid screen was still talking as well. Not the wake up call I was expecting, but at least I woke up.

Lexi felt under my jaw and around my neck. Made my lower face feel a bit funky. I stretched my jaw afterwards. I looked back over at the vid screen.

"Now you are a part of the first wave of arks arriving in Andromeda: our new home for humanity." Basically, the VI told us not to mess up, or we all die. Great.

Lexi scoffed as she typed in my info into her datapad. "Makes it sound so easy, doesn't it?" She sounded just as annoyed by it. I was glad I wasn't the only one.

I glanced back up at her with a smirk. "I hope not. I signed up for a little adventure before we settle down." I do like adventure. Annoying VIs and people, not so much.

She raised her eyebrows. "Well, buckle up. Sounds like you'll get your wish."

"Really?" She tilted her head. "Yeah? Okay." I hoped for the good adventure and not one filled with death and destruction. Like what happened back in the Milky Way when a reaper attacked the Citadel. Thankfully, I wasn't on the Citadel for that. I want to delve into caves and explore unknown waters. Scan trees and plants. Play in the mud looking for bacteria samples. Finding out the evolutionary history of a planet and the mysteries within the mantle. Running from wild storms in an unknown jungle. Just thinking about all of that caused me to smile deeper.

I noticed more people rushing around, double checking and double taking. Backtracking. Lexi looked down at her datapad while she held up her hand. "Over here, now." I looked at it as she watched me intently. She moved her hand across her body and m eyes followed. "The Pathfinder wants you all on your feet right away. He said 'mission-ready within the hour.'"

"Any idea why?"

"No, but I'm guessing that's where your 'adventure' comes in." She did not seem amused. I purse my lips in response and looked away while she updated her info. "Okay." She walked out of the way over to the nearby console. A man in the opposite bed from me smiled and waved. I smiled back but my attention was at Lexi. "Everything checks out. Just one more thing before I send you on your way... Let's test your SAM implant. SAM, are you monitoring?" My brows furrowed in curiosity. "SAM? Are you online?"

I heard a hologram open behind me. A blue pixelated orb glowed behind me. A male voice, barely monotoned, but obviously computer generated started talking. "Yes, Dr. T'Perro. Good morning, Sara. Are you feeling well?"

"I just need a second to get my bearings. Uh... what's this about my implant?"

Lexi turned around. "A routine check. After being in stasis, we want to make sure the connection's still live."

I tilted my head up in understanding and looked forward again.

"As the team's mission computer, your well-being is my primary concern." SAM assured me.

"Assuming the implants work as advertised. SAM sees what you see-in theory. We won't know for sure until we get you in the field." Oh, that's comforting. "How are you doing, otherwise?"

A bit overwhelmed, tired of talking, tired of sitting, tired in general. I slumped back over and stared at my coffee for a minute before answering. "I'm ready to get to it." Though, I didn't sound enthused.

"Readings confirmed." SAM announced. "I detect an increased level of adrenaline in your system. The neural implant is functioning properly."

I stretched my face and popped my neck. "Probably because of the coffee. Not used to it." I sat the cup down. I hadn't drank all of it, but apparently I drank enough. "Or maybe it's the nerves." I muttered.

Lexi approached me. "You're all done. Let's get you on your way." She placed her hand on my shoulder as I stood up slowly. "Though you may want to hang around while we revive your brother." She pointed at his stasis pod. "It always helps to see a familiar fa-"

The lights around us flickered. A deep and flat noise sounded from the Hyperion. I looked around, heart raced. "I... don't like the sound of that." Eyes widened as I became more alerted. The noise rang throughout the Ark and the lights flickered more.

A loud bang and static sound carried throughout the ship. Suddenly, the Ark seemed like it had been hit. Everyone was knocked off balance and fell to the floor. My hands hit the floor hard and my nose touched the ground. I saw Lexi's datapad fly out of her hands as she fell to her side. My hands throbbed from the impact.

The Ark shook violently as lights frantically flickered and electrical connections sparked. Some screams were heard. I tried to calm down my rapid breathing, but there's nowhere to run or hide in space. If we were under attack, the Ark had no defenses and 20,000 people in stasis. The shaking made it impossible for anyone to stand up. My hips and knees kept knocking into the floor that caused more pain. I heard a few electrical sockets pop and consoles fried. Glass broke and the sound of violent electricity sparked along the metal walls. Like nails scraping against glass or chalkboard. Colors flashed in my head from the sound. A mix of red and yellow cracking against each other in a battle of dominance.

The Ark seemed to settle for a moment and the lights stabilized. We all tried to get to our feet, but gravity had shifted. A cryo pod came screeching down my way. I flattened myself against the floor, unsure of how to avoid it and then it flew over my head. I realized I was floating. Gravity didn't just shift. It turned off. I was lucky, the pod could've hit me in the head full force.

I grunted as I floated upward. Disorientated. People span around, were upside-down and every which way direction. "What's happening?" Lexi said.

"I don't know. Just hang on!" The man who waved at me earlier was doing violent fast back flips in place in the air, trying to dodge the top of the overhang from the bed. Hopefully he didn't hit his head.

The captain came over the loudspeaker, "Engineering, report!"

Doctors and scientists gave out advice to the floating people.

"Gravity in cryo bay is offline!" Someone replied to the captain.

"I'm almost inside! Hold on!" A familiar feminine voice came over the loudspeaker.

I watched a person bounce off the ceiling gently. The only things that weren't floating was the medical beds that were connected to the floor and the sides of the walls and up to the ceiling. Thankfully, I stayed in one general place the whole time. More of a horizontal levitation than floating somewhere.

I watched as a familiar face came through the door on the other side of the room. Her hair, standing up almost straight, both sides of her head were shaved. As I saw her before, Cora always had her hair to her left side. She swung around the door frame and cautiously got to the console. "This is Cora! I'm at the cryo bay! Brace for a reset..." She had hit a few buttons and everyone came crashing down to the floor. She landed on her feet, and I body slammed into the hard, cold floor from about ten feet up. Pain shot through my body, and I felt some joints pop releasing pressure.

I had landed on my lower body and my forearms and elbows. Everything stung. I made a gasped grunt sound.

"Everyone okay?" Cora looked at us.

"I think so." Lexi looked at me and shrugged.

"What happened?" I breathed out.

Cora walked over to us. "We're not sure. Sensors are scrambled." We slowly stood up. "But it's good to see you're up. Feels like centuries since we spoke."

I planned to comment on her little joke but my dad had taken over the loudspeaker. "This is the Pathfinder. Mission teams, continue preparations. Cora, Ryders, report to the bridge."

"You heard him, let's get-"

"Uh," a scientist calls over from Scott's pod, "we have a problem over here. It's Scott Ryder."

My heart sank immediately. His pod was sparking and obvious damage marks were all over. I felt the lump that had formed in my throat and my body had gotten a large rush of adrenaline. Oh fuck... is he... no. Please, no. My mouth gaped open. I ran over to the pod, followed by Cora and Lexi. I held onto the nearby console, ready for the worst of news.

"What's wrong?" Cora asked.

"I don't know. Have to check it out." Lexi responded.

The scientist held up his hand, "Give it a second for the processor to sync."

"Did the seals break?"

My heart pounded against my chest. My arms and legs shook as it felt like my blood went cold. I felt the burn in my eyes forming tears. My brother... Scott, please! No...

"No. Physical integrity looks good."

I had felt the rush of relief at that moment. My blood felt warm again, but my body still shook and my heart was still screaming.

I wobbled over and swallowed hard.

"Sara." Lexi looked at me.

"Is my brother okay?" I choked out. I let a few scared tears fall when I sniffled.

"Scott's fine. His vitals are strong, but the revival procedure was interrupted."

"What does that mean?" Before she could answer, I snapped, "When can he wake up?"

"We don't want to rush it. SAM?" She pulled out her omni tool, ready to write down info.

I walked up and ran my fingers across the safer parts of the pod.

"My connection to Scott's implant was suspended. However, his pulse, respiration, and brain activity are all normal." SAM responded. I let out a deep breath and placed my palm on the pod for support.

Lexi had put her hand on my shoulder so I'd stand back up. "To be on the safe side, we'll need to keep him in a low-level coma for a while, then let his body regain consciousness naturally." I continued to look down at his pod. "He'll be fine." She assured me.

My smile was shaky and my tears had dried. "Glad to hear it." I responded as normal as possible.

Cora stepped up. "Thanks, Lexi. Keep us updated. Ryder, I'll wait for you at the door whenever you're ready to go."

I wasn't ready to leave just yet, but Cora walked off.

"How do you want to handle this?" The scientist asked.

Lexi responded, "Keep him in the pod for now. Round the clock monitoring. We don't know if he's in true stasis anymore."

"Right. So parts of the body could be waking up."

"But others aren't. We can't be sure just yet."

I approached the pod again and placed my hand on the outside again. "Scott, please. You're strong. You can do this."

"Don't worry, Ryder. We'll take care of him. He'll make it." Lexi assured me.

I nodded when I stood back up. How many more are in his condition? I need to check some pods. The pod next to Scott's was fine.

"And if necessary, add boosters to the line. We can't risk pulmonary arrest." Was the last thing I heard from Lexi before I had walked away. I need to continue forward. Especially for Scott.

I headed for the cryo bay to check more pods. A woman checking out the vid screen saw me and said, "It sounds amazing, doesn't it? Right up until you lose gravity."

"Yeah. What do you think happened?"

"Oh, I have no idea. I've dreamed about this my whole life. I sure hope it matches the brochure."

"Are you doubting?"

"Well, we did hit something that we didn't see back in the Milky Way. And Hyperion lost gravity for a moment there."

"True. What's going on over here?"

"Just making sure the information VI is working. You can test it out if you want. Some things have changed since the briefs."

I guess it would be good to refresh my knowledge. I approached the screen and it talked. "Hi, there. I'm Jien Garson, founder of the Andromeda Initiative. I'm here to welcome you to a whole new galaxy. The good news is, the hard part's over. We're here! If you have any questions now, just ask."

I really didn't want to be talking to this thing, but curiosity did spike me. The pictures from the briefs were different, and maybe the VI has status updates I should know about. "Update me on the general info of the Andromeda Initiative."

"The Andromeda Initiative encompasses all colonization efforts, including arks, Pathfinders, outposts, and the central support hub, the Nexus."

I placed two fingers on the bridge of my nose and muttered, "This is not what I meant." I looked back up. "Status update."

"The current location of the Nexus is: unknown. Status of outposts are: unknown."

My brows had furrowed in response. We should've known about the Nexus by now.

I was interrupted by the VI of Garson again. "I'm Jien Garson, founder of the Initiative." I know this by now, I didn't go through seven weeks of training to not know your damn name.

The lady came back over with her omni tool out. "That's not supposed to play."

"I think it's important we take a moment to reflect on the principles that brought all of us together." It continued.

"I think it's important for you to shut up for just a moment." I gritted my teeth.

"It started with a vision of a better future- a vision that you shape." I felt like banging my head against the wall.

"Stop talking."

"Life in Andromeda can be anything we dare to dream, and I'm proud to help make those dreams come true."

"You're a nightmare right now. VI, change topics."

"It's not responding properly. Hold on." The woman responded.

"Drop me a note sometimes. I'd love to hear how we're doing." The VI screen responded.

"You know what?" I raised my voice. "So would I."

"Your current location is Ark Hyperion, housing the human population. Ark Paarchero, the salarian vessel, confirmed departure in 2185." I groaned. This was not the information I was looking for. I chuckled. This is not the droid I'm looking for. "The asari ship, Ark Leusinia, confirmed departure that same year, as did the turian Ark Natanus, embarking in 2185."

"Hey, what's your name?"

"Heyes. You?"

"Sara Ryder. Think this thing will be fixed soon?"

"Gods I hope so. It will be extremely beneficial to people waking up if it wasn't so frustrating right now."

"Yeah, and I need to be ready soon for the Pathfinder."

"The Pathfinder is responsible for exploring and assessing new worlds for outpost placement and settlement." The VI had taken my words to mean a question. All I did was facepalm. "Each ark is led by a Pathfinder who represents their species."

"No, really?" I replied, sarcastically.

"The active-duty Pathfinder assigned to Ark Hyperion is: Alec Ryder. Current duty roster shows you are assigned to the Pathfinder mission team, Specialist Ryder."

"Tell me the current mission status, then."

"At present, Ark Hyperion has arrived in the Heleus Cluster. Further mission updates are offline due to technical difficulties."

"Oh that was helpful."

"As Recon Specialist, you are tasked with supporting the authentication of golden world sites through exploration, mapping and scientific analysis. Currently, you are to report for duty on the command bridge."

"Yes, I know. Is there any new data about the golden worlds?" Like those pictures?

"The selection process saw the Andromeda Initiative evaluate thousands of potential habitable planets within the galaxy." I threw my head back and rolled my eyes in frustration. "After discovering an unusually high ratio of potential candidates or 'golden worlds,' the Heleus Cluster was selected as our destination. Now you are a part of the first wave of arks arriving in Andromeda: our new home for humanity."

"Yes I know! Current data on the golden worlds... please."

"Once the Pathfinder team's assessment is complete, Habitat 7 has been selected as the most likely candidate for colonization."

I groaned. "So, data unknown then? No more, please."

The info wall screen turned back to flipping through pictures. Now that headache is done with, I need to check on the other pods. I sped walked to the cryo bay and scanned the pods for vitals. A man was slumped over coughing, a scientist helping the man to his feet.

"Nice and easy, just take deep breaths." She calmly told him.

"Was I... floating?" He asked.

She nervously laughed. "Had a bit of a hiccup with the gravity."

"What... day... when is it?"

"It's been 600 years. We're in Andromeda."

"Damn. It worked?"

"So far, so good. How do you feel?"

I worked down the line of cryo pods checking vitals. So far everyone seems okay.

"Like I've got the world's worst hangover."

"Lucas Greer, correct?"

"Yeah."

"They need you on the Pathfinder mission team. Let's get you ready to go."

"So soon?"

"Probably has to do with whatever knocked out the gravity." Shit...

For the rest of that conversation I was out of earshot. Was still going down the line of pods checking each one. Can never be too sure. I approached another conversation between a scientist and a man just out of cryo.

"Woah, that was... weird."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't remember dreaming or anything. One minute I'm in the Milky Way getting ready to sleep, and the next..."

"You're two million light years away."

"No joke- we really flew that far?"

"We really did. Welcome to Andromeda."

"Got any food? I'm starving."

"We'll start you on some liquid protein."

"No pancakes?" I'm more of a waffle person. The little squares hold so much that are so bad for me.

"Your digestive system has't handled solid food in over six centuries. We need to go slow."

"Right. Man, just hearing that out loud, six centuries."

"Yup. All without pancakes."

"What about liquid pancakes?"

"Sorry- it's mushy, milky stuff. Tastes like paste." Ew...

"Well, you're not getting a tip."

I had approached the end of the bay and a pod was sparking. The technician called for support, I scanned it, thankfully no one was in it. Thankfully I wasn't in it, because that was my pod, and it was completely fried. What if... if that was me, I would've been dead. No, no, don't think about it. I'm alive. Now I need to report. I walked out of the cryo bay and back into the med bay.

I bumped into someone. "Sorry I'm-"

"Message from Captain Dunn." She handed me the datapad. "It's regarding the situation." Then promptly walked off to other people.

Seems urgent. I turned on the datapad to read:

Attention Hyperion personnel:

After a 600-year voyage, the good news is we're exactly where we're supposed to be: We have arrived in the Heleus Cluster, Andromeda Galaxy, year 2819. All stasis medical personnel should report to duty immediately. Give the Pathfinder Mission team revival priority, and prep the members for field reconnaissance.

Reports of an unusual celestial phenomenon in the cluster are being investigated. Updates to follow.

Captain Dunn

That took me aback. 2819? Damn. I placed the datapad on the nearby medical bed.

"Did that just happen? The world turned upside down? Is this a dream?"

Oh, Mr. Floaty man. I walked over and crossed my arms. He acknowledged me.

The doctor scanned him. "It left a nasty bump on your head. Let me look."

"First few minutes in Andromeda, and we're already crashing the car." He chuckled

"What? Did you expect this to be easy?"

"No, but I figured any scars could wait 'til we land. Well?"

"Well what?"

"My head, Doc."

"No obvious contusions to your brain. Looks nice and pink."

He sat up immediately. "Wait wha- the cut's that deep?"

The doctor chuckled. "No, just kidding. Checking for a concussion. Your cognitive awareness seems okay."

I chortled. The other man scoffed. "Uh... right. Where'd you get your degree, Doc?"

"Oh, no need. They'll let anyone be a doctor around here. High demand."

"What?" The high pitch in his voice made me snort. He looked over like I was insane.

"Good. Your auditory response seems normal, too."

"Ugh. I need some more coffee. They have more, right?"

"Aren't you on the Pathfinder team?"

"Yeah."

"Then you've probably had enough. No time for pit stops." The doctor looked at me. "Enjoy your nap, Ryder? Don't think I'll need sleep for the rest of m life."

"Maybe another five minutes, or a decade wouldn't have hurt." I responded.

He laughed in response. "Doctor Carlyle. Harry Carlyle."

"Ah, you know me it seems."

"Sara T. Ryder? Yup. Dr. T'Perro checked you out, correct?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, Ryder!" Mr. Floaty talked up. "Hell of a wake up call, huh? Wasn't expecting that five minutes after stasis."

"Makes two of us. How's the head?"

"Sore. In pain. Thanks for checking in, though."

"Hang in there, alright?"

"Yeah. You, too."

"Talk to you later, Carlyle."

"Hopefully not because you need a patch. Talk to you later."

It's no surprise to me that people know my name. My dad was an N7 officer, started SAM, and is the Pathfinder of the human ark. The only bad side is, I don't know anyone else here. Damn, that means the only people I can truly talk to is either the Pathfinder or stuck in a coma. That thought had hit hard. As far as I knew, all of my closest friends were in the Milky Way. Talk about a completely new start. I felt intimidated, scared, and challenged. Socializing was not my biggest skill and always made me nervous. Now, around close friends it always felt like I had the confidence level of a bull. Cracking jokes left and right without a care in the world. If someone had looked at me weirdly, then I wouldn't have cared. But now... it felt different. I guess it didn't really sink in exactly how much I had left behind. I imagined Dad would be too busy to talk. Scott is in a damn coma, and all these people... as nice as they seem... I don't know them. And how do they automatically view the Pathfinder's daughter? Daughter of an N7, a genius who made SAM. How do they see me? How much more difficult will socializing be? Finally, how many people will be disappointed to learn my true self?

The thoughts zoned out when I saw a datapad flashing unread underneath a flipped table. I grabbed it and read the following message from Jien Garson:

Hello, Traveler, and welcome to your first day in Andromeda! This is the dawn of a new era for all of us. As you recover from stasis, know that you're in good hands. In a few short hours, you'll be leaving the Hyperion and joining thousands of your fellow colonists as you chose your fortunes and build the new life you've always dreamed about. It's been a long wait- but I promise you it will be worth it.

Jien Garson Founder: Andromeda Initiative

I placed the datapad onto the medical bed. It wasn't something I needed to read, because I could already tell that things weren't going to plan. I walked towards the exit.

"Well, the gravity loss probably means something tripped the generators." There was a conversation between two men in medical beds.

"What would cause it?"

"Something big. The generators are durable. It would take a hell of a lot to overload them."

"Well, on the bright side, no projectile vomiting to worry about. No one's eaten in over 600 years. So, what'd they tell you about the situation?"

"The obvious. Suit up and get ready to go."

"Same here. Did they tell you where we're going?"

"Nope. Just to have the shuttles prepped to fly."

"Man, we're a long way from home. Still getting used to it."

"Where're you from?"

"Toronto."

"Earthborn, huh? Colony man myself. Eden Prime."

"Wasn't there some trouble some time ago? Fighting?"

"Yeah." There was solemnness in his voice. "Lost a few friends. I had figured it was time for a fresh start."

"Well, welcome to your new life, eh?" He had noticed me listening in. "Hey, Ryder. Morning or afternoon?" He yawned. "I don't know."

"I don't know either. Just know its 2819. Want to take bets on what date it would be on Earth?" I responded.

"Hey now, it's too soon for that kind of thinking." The other man said. "Good to see you, though, Ryder." Then he yawned and I involuntarily copied. "Heh. Still waiting for my coffee."

"Seems like the Pathfinder team isn't getting any coffee."

"Oh damn, really? Shame."

"Has to do with figuring out what the hell happened earlier."

"Strange, ain't it? I wonder what the noise was."

"Didn't you get the datapad? Some strange phenomenon."

"Oh, better go check that out, then."

"Yeah, see ya."

"Bye, Ryder."

I was finally at the door to leave and Cora was waiting for me. She asked if I was ready when I had opened the door. When the door had opened, many people came flying down to the left side of the room over by a conduit Everyone had asked what was wrong, I looked over to the smoking conduit as it built up in sound. Then it popped with a fire. Sparks went flying everywhere and the ground shook, I caught myself from falling. Shit.

Cora and I ran over to the front of it. The large conduit over by and higher than the stairs was surrounded with smoke. A woman stood on top of it calling attention to herself. "Whatever hit the ark fried everything! We have to balance the power load, or it could explode!"

"We don't know where the fault is!" One of the technicians beside me responded. People were coughing from the smoke, and so was I.

Cora leaned over and whispered to me, "You have a scanner right? On your omni tool?" I nodded. "Ryder could help find it, she has a scanner!"

"On it!" I took out my omni tool on my left hand and opened the scanner. The orange glow turned to a small screen like an x-ray and a large horizontal grid light came out from the other side of the tool. Cora went to get readings on the second conduit. I saw an outline of an internal component and pressed the scan button on the screen.

SAM responded, "The phase coil is operating normally."

"It has to be here!" I moved the scanner up and found another component.

"There's no indication of a fault in the axial coupling." The omni tool itself provides general information of whatever I scan, but SAM will always provide more analysis and detail from the scans that I do.

Cora yelled across the room to keep looking. I moved over to the right and up a bit to the other side of the conduit. The scanner had read that there was no current present int he compensator relay. It was nonfunctional.

"Relay 2-C shows damage from a temperature spike." SAM analyzed.

"Found it! A bad relay!"

I looked around and all the room was busy frantically typing on consoles, trying to make sure things don't go more wrong. "Ryder!" A technician caught my attention. "Up the stairs, right next to the conduit, is a console. Can you reset the relay there? If I leave this console, the whole cryo bay could go dark!"

Oh shit. I didn't waste any time. I sped up the stairs and to the slight ledge to the console. When I got to the hologram of buttons and readings, aka the console, I took out my omni tool and connected the circular part from my palm to the circular port on the console, allowing SAM to make the necessary repairs to functionality through my device.

"There! It's reset!"

The alarms had turned off and the smoke cleared. People slowly stopped working at various consoles to calm down.

"Rerouting the current..." Various technicians spoke across the room.

"The grid's recovering!"

"It's working!"

"Readings are in the green!"

"Thank god. That could've been the end of everyone in the cryo bay." Shit... that also means Scott...

Cora complimented my efforts. "Now we can get to the tram."

"Tell the captain this won't hold for long." A man shouted as he crossed the room. "We're using duct tape and rubber bands here."

I focused my efforts in continuing forward. My mind couldn't stop thinking about Scott, and the further I traveled from him, the more I wanted to go back and sit with him through it all. The more things seemed to go wrong, the less I wanted to be here in Andromeda. There was no home. No place to curl up. No warm bed, or midnight calls to close friends. I mean, soon we will build a home, we just need to land on Habitat 7 first. Is it wrong that I feel so skeptical about this? We woke up and ten minutes later the Hyperion hit something, then Scott's pod malfunctioned, then one of the conduits controlling the entire damn cryo bay practically explodes. Please, tell me this isn't something to regret.

I was at the top of the stairs and opened the door. A small hallway bled before me. Red lights singing alert painted the reflective grey and white ground and walls. A person was sitting up on the floor, another cared for them. Another person ran across the room to the console on the other side. Even such a small and empty space was frantically trying to fix itself.

Cora scoffed. "That was close. Barely in Andromeda and we're already scrambling."

"The adventure has surely begun." I tried to smile.

"Not sure your dad will see it that way." She whispered back. She had picked up a datapad tossed away on the floor. "What's this?"

"What does it say?"

"It's a general tracking log. And it doesn't look good." She handed it to me. "Take a look."

Automated logs Report run: 2819, identifier QPA-Z

**Year/event**

(2185) Departure.procedures: confirmed (2185) Stasis.lockdown.engaged: confirmed (2186) Anomalous.comm.sensor.readings: report logged (2347) Trajectory.drift.detected: report logged (2347) Trajectory.course.correction: confirmed (2411) Arks Paarchero/Leusinia/Natanus: condition green (2437) Sensor.array.fault.detected: report logged (2437) Sensor.array.fault.repair: FAILED (2819) Trajectory.destination: confirmed (2819) Destination.location.proximity: confirmed (2819) Stasis.revival.engaged: confirmed (2819) Nexus/Arks Paarchero/Leusinia/Natanus: not detected (2819) Sensor.faultAHOIE;*^IANE**&KFLAJOF*^^ KH (2819) ERROR

"We should head to the bridge." I sat it back down on the floor.

"Agreed." Cora had opened the door that lead to the tram. Since the arks were so huge, trams were made for easier and faster travel across main areas. It's a small room with one main hologram console of a map and a few rows of seats facing the middle. I connected my omni tool to the console and the map popped up on my tiny screen, bold circles in rooms with the name of the room besides it. I pressed the one that said habitation. The tram took off slowly at first.

An uneasy feeling had settled in my core. Everything had felt wrong. Something was going to go horribly wrong. I couldn't shake it. It wasn't my fear for Scott, or whatever we hit, it was just something else.

"Are you alright, Ryder?"

"I can't be the only one, right? Everything just feels off and wrong."

"Well, we did have a rough start and are in a completely new galaxy. It could be that. But, I feel it, too." I sighed and looked down. "Hey, we gotta keep going, right?"

"We have to. Because if we don't, we are technically stuck in a worse situation. Just digging our graves." I watched my feet, when I lifted my toes, it made a slight bump in the shoe. It was some sense of familiarity.

The ride was silent except for the hum of the tram. It stopped as slowly as it started at the end. Cora and I got up and walked out, passing two doors and walked across the main habitation deck. It was more hectic in here than anywhere else. We dodged the runners and had gone up the stairs to the main door that lead to the bridge.

As soon as the door was opened, a man ran across our view yelling for helm control to report. The room was a barrage of flashing lights, scurrying people, and at the helm was my father and the captain looking out the observation window.

"We're drifting!" Another man ran past us.

"Flight controls aren't responding!"

This is bad... this is very bad.

I had noticed a strange orange and grey web-like structure across the window that was outside of the ship. The orange glow of the structure pulsated, and the more I looked the more I realized how huge it really was. Millions if not more kilometers of this strange stuff surrounded us, but it wasn't moving, just pulsing, like some sort of trap.

"First priority is stopping these outages!" Captain Dunn ordered.

"Mainline power's been knocked out! We're on reserves, Captain! They won't last!"

This web... was all we could see against the blackness of space. Some energy pockets in the web made it look like dots. This seemed impossible to navigate through. This does not look good...

"What's our position?" My dad walked across the room to stand up by Dunn.

"Unknown- we lost telemetry!" A pilot responded.

"SAM, we need eyes out there." His voice as commanding and monotone as always. Always painted a boring grey.

"Attempting to adjust sensor array." SAM said.

Dunn faced Dad. "Alec, please... you may be Pathfinder, but this is my ship." She retorted.

"Captain, the protocol's clear: in the absence of communication with the Nexus or the other arks, we proceed to our appointed golden world. Solid ground." He emphasized the last bit.

"If it's even out there! Nobody said anything about running into an energy cloud- and that's just a wild guess what we hit!" There was a moment of silence, two pulses emitted from the cloud, brightening up the room for a moment. "Alec, I need to assess the damage. Stop the bleeding. We've got 20,000 people asleep on this ship... Let's give them a chance to wake up."

Cora leaned over to whisper, "Can you blame her?"

It does seem safer. Right now, everyone that's asleep could die from a simple electrical malfunction. We're in the dark. "She's the captain. It does sound safer. And I'd think she gets the final word."

"Well, he might-"

Dad turned around, annoyance in his eyes and pointed at us. "This isn't about having the final word."

Cora straightened up, "Yes, sir."

Dad moved his eyes over to me, a hint of frustration hit me like a wave.

"We're coming through!" The pilot announced.

Everyone looked out the window. Pass the pulsating cloud lie the planet. "My god..." The captain sighed.

The planet had rings around it. When the planet was in full view, the web was gripping it like a hand. Where the web touched the planet, had black and red burn marks around it. Habitat 7 looked dead. My heart felt like it had dropped. The other side of the planet that we could see, that was untouched, looked landable, or seemed, as everything was covered by a thick layer of swirling clouds. I felt my face tense when I felt like crying. Nothing was going to plan.

"Is that our golden world?" Dunn continued.

"That's Habitat 7, 'New Earth' if we're lucky." Dad went up to the hologram console in front of the window to pull up a scan of the planet. "All of our long-range scans told us it was in the green zone. Perfect for human settlement."

"It doesn't even look the same." Cora countered.

"Well, we don't know exactly how bad it is yet. Still seems like the best shot for a new home." I tried to stay positive.

"Maybe." Dunn looked at me. "There's just a lot on the line."

"SAM?" Dad asked.

"The energy from the phenomenon is damping our sensors. Planetary conditions are unknown."

Dad took a minute to think before concluding, "We're marooned. Twenty thousand souls adrift at sea. And when the power runs and stays out... We need to know if that's safe harbor."

"And if it's not?"

"As Pathfinder it will be my job to find an alternative. It's what we trained for. But if this goes well... we're already home."

"All right. Just make it quick."

"Harper, the rest of the team should be awake by now. Have them spin up two shuttles. Planetfall in thirty."

"Yes, sir." Cora and my dad had left the bridge.

Dunn walked closer to me. "A stubborn one, isn't he?"

"Stubborn runs in the family, I guess. I might've rubbed off on him."

"Just as long as he knows what he's doing. It's not like the cavalry's coming to save the day." Dunn went back to her post. "I need an ETA on our sensor repairs. We're blind out here."

I took a moment to get lost in the view. The black and orange burns sang an ominous choir in my head. The white clouds seemed like a mask to the darkness beneath them, swirling to one center, like the eye of a hurricane. I moved my eyes away. I needed to get moving.

The good thing about these clothes the Initiative gave us, is that it's an okay underarmor. Not the best gear, but neither is the actual armor that they provided. I took the tram over to the shuttle bay.

I sat down in one of the seats, alone, listening to the sound of the tram. A zig-zag dark and light grey paint my mind in tempo of the hum. I had leaned over and rested my elbows on my legs, head dropped down. I let silent tears splash my bare hands. I was scared, anxious, lonely, and regretful. My hands shook and I had felt dizzy. I don't get sick or nauseous easily, but it translates into other feelings to tell me something. Last time I puked was over fifteen years ago, not counting the journey. I gained a phobia of it after watching my brother almost die because some of it got trapped in his lungs. Witnessing a trauma can be just as terrifying as being in it. Scott on the other hand, he doesn't have the phobia. Scott...

What if I stayed in the Milky Way? What if I never joined the military like my dad pressured me to? I never wanted to. I don't want to kill. Defense is fine, but who said that I'd be good at a job like that? Or a job like this? What the hell was I thinking? What if I do something horrible and accidentally kill or allow someone to die? Tears fell faster. I made a face trying to keep it all silent, despite being in an empty room. Despite my mother always telling me that my sensitivity, empathy, sympathy, makes me a stronger person. What if I disappoint Dad? That's when I made a sound. The emotional pain from the what-ifs had hit me. I then regretted every bad thought of dad, every bad word. I love him. I look up to him, and he teaches me a lot. I felt like a damn spoiled brat ever talking back to him.

The tram slowed down. That's when I dried my face. My skin gets flushed easily, but not without reason, crying, even slightly, will cause my face to turn red. Drying my face never hides everything. I stood up and walked out of the tram into the locker room or armory. My locker was up by Scott's and Dad's. I saw Cora on the other side and three other men from earlier suiting up. I started with the armored pants, boots, chest and arm pieces, then the gloves. The hard parts of the armor aren't that resilient nor do they cover much. My waist, back of my thighs, most of my arms were exposed. Well, still covered by the under armor. I went across to the shelf to find the military grade omni tool. Cora came around looking for something as well.

"Scott's going to hate that he missed this." I muttered.

"Are all the Ryders adrenaline junkies?" She stood up.

"It's in our blood. You know, I was born a minute ahead of him." I smiled. "And I have never let him forget it."

Cora patted my shoulder. "Don't worry. I'm sure he'll pull through."

I backed up. "He has to if he wants to hear the stories."

"So, let's give him one. Oh, and you'll want to find a helmet. And maybe stop at the good luck rock."

"Uh... what?"

"Old superstition of your dad's." She walked over by the door. "Oh and, don't forget to read the Pathfinder Team field manual on that crate over there." She pointed. "Just to brush up on protocol."

I picked up the datapad, short and sweet it read;

Introduction

As a member of the Pathfinder Team, you play a critical role in the Andromeda Initiative's efforts to establish a foothold in the new galaxy. The team has many challenges:

-Golden world site verification -Reconnaissance and mapping of unknown territories (planetary and celestial) -Scientific analysis and discovery of new phenomenon -Potential first contact with extraterrestrials -Establishing diplomatic relations with local inhabitants -General support of settlement outposts

I looked over at the other two lockers. Scott's was on the end, and Dad's next to his. Scott's locker remains untouched and full. "Get better, Scott. We are all going to need you. It's time for you to actually head out and experience something." I smiled. Scott was stationed at a mass relay his entire time in the military. He wanted to explore so badly but couldn't because of his position. Then Dad's career went south and given an honorable discharge for creating SAM. AI being highly illegal in the Milky Way. Our positions in the military came to a halt. No one trusted us, so we left. What's the point in staying if you're not going to get anywhere? Or, the fact no one trusted us with their lives. Scott and I were only in the military for about a year and a half or so. I got to go on some expeditions and was placed on a peacekeeping force. Was I any good? Hell no. Thankfully, there wasn't much action, and I was only in a couple of battles. I was never an officer or in charge, they put me in a glorified security position and I still hesitated. I know three things; how to shoot a gun, how to put on armor, and how to duck.

Then I looked over at Dad's locker. He's already suited up. Obviously. Why did you put me on the Pathfinder Team? It makes no sense logically. I have almost zero experience, I am young, weak, small, emotional as all hell. Why me? Is it because I'm your daughter and you wanted me to come along? Dad, you're making a horrible decision. Please, don't let me hold you back...

I backed away from the lockers. I walked around to the out of place rock up against the back wall. It was huge and there was a light shining on it. I made a face when I scanned it.

SAM provided an analysis, "Alkali feldspar and quartz. Commonly known as granite."

"A good luck rock? Granite, huh?"

"Your dad was mountain climbing back on Earth. It caught him from falling."

"Wait, the rock caught him from falling, so he took it?"

"Yeah, not sure how he got it out."

"What if someone else falls and there's no rock to catch them?"

"Well, he's a bit superstitious. Even has lucky socks.

"Socks aren't going to kill somebody if they're missing."

"What's done is done, Ryder. And with the way things are going today, we need any luck we can get."

"Wonder why I never knew about this. How long ago was it?" I was jealous that a woman I never even knew existed before the Initiative, knows more about my own father than I do.

"A few years before launch. I don't know exactly when."

I frowned. "Alright." I had turned around to see the other side of the locker bay area, three other men hanging around. Two were by a small radio playing some tunes, and the other was checking out his gear by his locker. He looked at me and nodded. "Ryder. Fisher."

"Hey Fisher, how're things?"

"Eh, just making sure my armor is good. Can never be too sure."

"Ah."

"I uh, heard a rumor that your dad and the captain aren't seeing eye-to-eye on this."

I shrugged. "Dunn wasn't thrilled with the idea for the expedition. My dad persuaded her, as you can see."

"I also heard that you weren't a big fan of it, either."

"Well, this is her ship. I think it's her call."

He chuckled. "You got guts going against the old man. But we are the Pathfinder team, and the team should answer to the Pathfinder. At least that's how I see it. And bonus to your dad for being an N7. He's got the best aim. I'd go wherever he goes."

Yeah, but he still chose me to be on the team, so his logic must've died. "See you on the shuttle, Fisher."

"See ya."

I walked over to the music. It set the tempo for how fast I went, and painted an endless scene in my head. It was techno styled and I felt like nodding my head to it. I might've done that without realizing it.

"Hey, Ryder." The man talking to Greer said.

"Hey, uh..?"

"Kirkland." He scoffed. "We talked a little before launch, or you did at least. Not sure if you know Greer."

Greer waved. "Hey. Your dad say anything about what's going on?"

I shook my head slightly. "He was all business. Prep and ready to go. Those might've been his exact words."

"Short and sweet? Alright, will do."

"I gotta go get my helmet. See you guys on the shuttle." They continued their conversation when I walked past them.

My helmet was on a shelf up by the wall. It had my name on it. I picked it up and checked the fit. I heard the air seal work with my armor. Everything checked out okay when I took it off. I just held it in my hand, I'd put it on before the shuttle launched. "Got it."

"The Pathfinder is now requiring sidearms. I've opened the armaments locker."

My heart dropped. "Are we uh, expecting trouble, SAM?"

"A precaution. Please arm yourself, Ryder."

It's just to be safe. It doesn't mean there's going to be any fighting. Just like we wear helmets in case the air isn't breathable or things go south. It's just to be safe. I had approached the weapons locker on the other side of the room, thankfully this room is small because I've been all over. There was another field manual covering a different topic. It was by a couple of pistols;

**First Contact Protocol**

In the event any member of the Pathfinder Team encounters intelligent alien life, it is imperative that 'first contact' protocols be strictly observed. The Andromeda Initiative holds the principle of peace and cooperation among our highest Ideals. Aggressive action against extraterrestrials is only permitted when hostile intent is clearly demonstrated and Pathfinder team members are at obvious risk of injury or death.

I had to keep telling myself it was just precautions. "Better safe than sorry." I picked up my pistol. It was a cheaper kind of pistol, but it's what we had.

Cora was waiting by the shuttle bay doors. We walked out together. Short hallway, then the shuttle bay, which was huge.

Cora chuckled. "So, just another boring day at the office, huh?"

"Oh you know, just setting foot on planets no human has ever set foot on. The usual. I can't wait."

"I know what you mean. I always wondered what it was like when old Earth explorers crossed the ocean. Only the guide of stars and dead reckoning with them."

"And a map with a little caption off to the side that said, 'Here be dragons.'"

"Well they made it. And maybe we'll finally get to see a dragon."

"Oh man, I hope so."

"I hope we don't get eaten if we do. You ready?"

"As ready as I can be." We walked further into the room.

We saw Carlyle packing supplies into a crate, but he was also in full armor. "Doctor Carlyle, with everything going on, I'd think the ark needs you more than we do?" Cora stopped with her arms crossed.

He closed the lid and stood up. "Pathfinder wants a medic on hand. And if that's home down there, I'm happy to knock on its door."

I smiled. "I hope so, too. You got a quote ready? 'One small step...'"

He picked up the crate. "I think your dad will be handling that honor."

Dad had come out of one of the shuttles to make a speech. "All right, team, button up. We leave in five."

Cora stepped forward. "Sir, we broke out the weapons as per request. Anything we should know?"

"Seemed prudent, given the situation. We'll be down a man with Scott out."

I looked away in a frown. Dad had approached me causing me to look back up.

"I heard what happened. Your brother's strong. He'll make it."

"He wouldn't want us to worry because of him." As much negativity I had with my dad, I still looked up to him. I listened to everything he's told me. Everyday when I was little, I would send him emails because I missed him so much. When he got the chance he would respond. Mom even caught me sleeping in his N7 jacket one night because I had a nightmare. He had taught me a few golden rules;

Mission needs to take priority for the safety of the people.

Always try to save as many people as possible, even if it's just one.

Honesty and truth will always help long term efforts while lying and cover ups will always hurt in long term efforts.

There are exceptions to every rule, use your best judgement.

Dad nodded. "You're right. The mission comes first. Though I doubt your mother would've seen it that way. I promised her I'd get you two here safely." He gave a grin and walked back up into the shuttle as a platform. "Okay team, listen up. I chose each of you for the Pathfinder team, not just because you're talented and passionate. But because you're dreamers, like me. We dream of exploring the unknown, of finding the edge of the map- and then discovering what lies beyond. When people look back on this- and they will- they'll remember that we didn't give up. We kept dreaming. That our first, few faltering steps in Andromeda were the beginning of everything they know. We only get one chance to be first. So, let's go make history."

His speeches always inspired me. Cora walked onto his shuttle with him and Mr. Floaty lightly punched me in the arm. "I've been waiting 600 years for this." It took me a minute to follow Mr. Floaty to the second shuttle, I was still in awe.

We had put our helmets on when the shuttles launched out. Dunn wishing all of us good luck. Outside of the ship, the pulsing web of energy was practically everywhere, but we had a straight shot to Habitat 7. Fisher was the pilot for my shuttle. Mr. Floaty and I stared out the window. The ark looked like it was tangled in that mess. There was comm chatter between the shuttles up front that I wasn't paying attention to.

"Woah, will you look at that?" Mr. Floaty said. I should really get his name.

"Whatever it is, it caused the Hyperion to get stuck."

"It appears to be an unstable mass of dark energy." SAM analyzed.

"If you say so." He responded.

Dad warned us to stay clear of it. No shit. The shuttle bounced as we went through some of the mass we couldn't avoid, and then switched to cruising speed. The sound of the engines and light push from the sudden change in speeds was familiar.

"Ryder. We didn't have a chance to meet back in the Milky Way. Name's Liam Kosta, security and response specialist."

"Good to meet you, Liam."

"Hard to believe we're finally doing this."

"Yeah. Nerve wrecking, but living the dream."

We began our deceleration to the planet. The shuttle glowed a fiery red and orange, which meant there was still an atmosphere, that's good.

"Here we go..."

It felt like a bumpy session of unwrapping a gift. There was some trouble entering the atmosphere but we made it through.

When the orange cleared... It all looked dead. The sky was grey and white, only mountains without green to them. Fear struck my eyes. It was a nightmare.

"Holy..." Liam was taken aback.

"Shuttle two, are you seeing this?" Cora asked.

"Copy that." I answered. "Looks like hell."

Ionization levels were rising, oxygen below human requirements. It's like the world was shat on. And then-

Liam dropped his arms. "Uh... the mountains are floating." There were pieces of rocks and mountains just floating in the air by the shuttle. They looked like giant arrowheads and spearheads, all sharp, ridged, and jagged.

Oh no... no, no, no... This can't be right. How? My heart rate increased.

"Look! Port side!"

A large structure, in the shape of a boomerang with half of it underground, and other buildings like it but smaller lay before us. It was a ways away, but, that was advanced engineering. Aliens. "Has anyone seen us?" I ask.

Liam looked at me. "What if they're not friendly?"

Dad answered by quoting part of the field manual.

Something was wrong. The shuttle started shaking and turning, the engines strained. A flash of bright light and Liam and I lost our balance. Alarms and warnings went off on the shuttle. We were on fire. Everything started sparking and electrical pops and small explosions. Another lightning strike hit us. Liam and I fell to the port side window. We were going down. I felt like screaming but held it in.

The window came off. Liam got sucked outside but he was barely holding on to the side of the shuttle. "Whoa!"

I tried to reach over to grab him, but couldn't. "Liam!"

"Ryder!"

We hit a floating rock. Causing the shuttle to explode and send Liam and I flying out the window. Liam was further from me but we were both screaming. Parts of the shuttle came falling with me. I felt the heat from fiery parts pass and hit me. Liam was out of sight. I screamed and flailed. I could feel my whole body shaking and I was surprised I didn't pass out from terror, I almost did. I was falling straight through a section of floating rocks, frantically trying to miss them and get my jump-jet working. My body was spinning in the air as I tried to go feet first.

"Acceleration increasing." SAM warned.

"No shit!"

"Your jump-jet is malfunctioning."

"Please SAM! Get it working!"

"Approaching terminal velocity."

I saw the top of the mountain I was approaching. "SAM!" Here's where I die...

I closed my eyes to prepare, when I felt my jump-jet power on. I still hit the top of the mountain with a lot of force that I felt throughout my body. I rolled down the side, passing over bumps and small cliffs and dead plants. I finally hit the ground with my face and heard a crack from my helmet. I rolled over onto my side, ignoring the searing pain, and saw a large crack across my helmet, leaking air. The air I was breathing, wasn't breathable. "Shit!" I pulled out my omni tool and opened a mini-facturing repair protocol, and a scanner like beam emitted from the tool and I positioned it over my helmet, allowing it to seal the crack and the internal air was stabilized.

I lay there, breathing fast and hard with dry swallows, trying to get the dizziness to pass. My entire body was in pain, I could feel a headache forming, and I was sure I at least bruised half of the bones in my body. I rolled over and shakily stood up. Trembling at my feet, I held my side as I struggled to stand up straight. I was on a large cliff overlooking a dead planet. It was foggy, I was in almost unbearable pain, everything looked dead and the plants that somehow survived looked malformed and dying, huge lightning strikes struck everywhere from cloud to ground. It was all grey and hazy. It looked like a nightmare.

This has to be a nightmare, this has to be! Oh fuck... please just be a nightmare... please! I fell to my knees.

"This... this isn't a nightmare."

Notes:

As I have said before, all rights belong to BioWare.

*You may be wondering if the chapter can be skipped, then why did I put it in? Simple answer, my mother and friends are interested in my fanfic but cannot play the game themselves

#Sara Talia Ryder #sara ryder #andromeda fanfiction #mass effect fanfiction #mass effect andromeda #me:a #me:a spoilers #spoilers

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