#akaashi keiji comfort

[dreamesamu]

THE THINGS HE TAKES FOR GRANTED

in which he takes a moment to justify himself after never noticing your little crush for him

starring. akaashi keiji x fem!reader

genre(s): angst to fluff, (super, like-) long scenario 

warning(s): none, i think so? except for clueless keiji and not proof-reading

author’s note: akaashi is just a major green flag in this (every haikyu!! boy is 😭) i feel too bad to write them red-flag-y.

choose your character: m. atsumu | k. akaashi

you’ve known akaashi for quite some time, starting from your last year of fukurodani academy and then serendipity brought you both ended up being each other’s classmate at a same college/university. bokuto kotaro was your best friend, the little owl introduced his favorite setter to you and the friendship of three gradually become established, and as if it can not be any more inevitably, you eventually developed a secret admiration for the pretty setter when you three have been closed enough. however, graduating separated ways, kotaro pursued his journey to become professional in volleyball while keiji, once said to you he wanted a place in the literature department.

truth be told, even if you promised each other you would still keep in touch and plan every weekend friend group meeting online or offline, you’ve never expect you would share every class in higher education life with your crush, the akaashi keiji. the great thing is you both are paired up for an presentation assignment in the major you and him pursue, you do have plenty of time to stay close and grab his attention from making gestures that he usually failed to realizes.

here you are again, happily humming your favourite song while carrying a box wrapped with a small detailed towel, some big rolls of assignment paper stuck underneath your arm as you make your way back to where you both planned to finish the project - the library. 

“keiji, i’m back!” you set your things respectively on the table, and akaashi nods with a smile on his face in acknowledgement.

“oookay, so here’s your today’s snack, I hope you’ll like it” you grin, tapping on the box before pushing it to his side as he receives it and casually opens it while speaking.

“hmm? are those sketches of our poster? you can always edit them on the computer, why the effort?” he chuckled softly before completely unwrapping the bento box.

“I’m not good at designing and stuff. I may draw as I like and you’ll be the one to edit it on the computer.” you puff your cheek out, hands resting on hips as you watch his reaction to your delicately decorated sweets in the box made for him.

“this looks amazing.” he smiles upon seeing the pastries you made, decorated beautifully with different kinds of fruit as each pastry has different flavours, you probably did not stay up so late last night just to make all kinds of flavours for him to show how much you like him. yeah, probably not.

"oh, it's nothing, I just hope it doesn't taste bad" you chuckle nervously while scratching the back of your neck, letting his praise send you up to cloud nine.

your actions falter when you see akaashi put back the box's cap on, set it aside as he leans over to reach the posters you drew.

"now then, can we start working on the project?" he spreads out the piece of paper, glancing at you as you stand there awkwardly, prefer him taking a bite to look through all of your efforts than just shrugging it off and go straight to the main part of your study session.

"what...? oh- um..." you trail off, a bit embarrassed. "wouldn't you like to try one out? it won't hurt to just have a taste of it..."

"maybe later, y/n. we have other things need to be done right now." he merely states, eyes study the poster in front of him, unknowingly sinking your heart.

"yes, right." you shift slightly, taking the sit by the opposite of him, trying to catch up with him on the progress.

you let your mind wanders off how many times you've lost count already while akaashi quietly focused on scribbling something in his notebook, every thoughts you have are always about keiji, your feelings and the stare you give him thinking it's discreet. what's stopping him from trying my tarts out? and how does he feel being around me? or is that his way of rejecting something without making that person feel bad? flooded your mind.

"y/n?" you realize his faint voice ringing somewhere "y/n..." the voice becomes clearer. "earth to y/n, you're staring." awh, snap. right.

you blink, startled before clearing your throat, mumbling a small apology as you try to get yourself busy with the work underneath you once again.

but akaashi just chuckles, his voice calm and reassuring.

"hey, you seem off today. it's lunch break, please make yourself comfortable." you fumble at his words, it's noon already? as he collects his books and tidy it up at one corner of the table before speaking again.

"yuri satsuki is inviting me to have lunch with her. would you like to also join? i think she wouldn't mind." he kindly offers, probably not knowing the words struck you shocked.

you know satsuki-senpai, she's a year older than you and has been a social butterfly ever since you set foot in student life. she is a nice person, you conceived, but not until you found out that she has a huge crush on your akaashi keiji, her behaviour in your eyes became somewhat annoying. in return, she did realize she had a rival to win over him, you acknowledge that through the smug look she gave every time akaashi was around her instead of you, that is how the tension gradually builds up between you and your pain-in-the-ass rival.

and now she's even invited keiji for lunch? you feel an uncomfortable twist in your belly, screaming that if you do not take further actions, you lose akaashi to her. but his way of discarding your hard work, also known as an attempt to get his attention earlier discourages you hastily. this comes to a realization: ever since he start hanging out with satsuki-senpai, he has never touched one of your cooks once.

"no, i'm fine staying here. you go" you force a smile waving him goodbye. he hesitates upon seeing the downward trend of your mood as well as the strange attitude every time he brings up yuri.

"what are you waiting for?" you scoff, trying your best to make it sound not so bitterly. he nods quietly before ruffles your hair, thoughtfully remind you to get something to eat before start working again, and he'll be back with you soon.

you groan for the nth time in thirty minutes since his last leave, deciding not to eat anything at all after you laugh bitterly to yourself seeing the bento box laid cold by his stuffs which corrects your thoughts that he is not going to appreciate what you did for him.

the chair scraped the floor when you stand up, attempting to compose yourself when you feel your brain need a break from overthinking such situations.

on the way out of the library, your eyes meet yuri satsuki's, assuming that keiji is just somewhere around here as his lunch break partner is the person you least excited to bump into.

"well, well. isn't that the girl whose best friend choose to hang out with me instead of her?"

excuse me?

"don't get too ahead of yourself, satsuki-senpai. just a friendly reminder" your tone evidently irritated as you flash her an unamused smile, trying to avoid her as soon as possible.

but the radio scene of her voice replayed all over your head, your mind goes muddy despite the fresh air you're trying to take in, you let out a shaky breath, tears brimming out.

maybe, he doesn't quite noticed the things I did for him after all...

---

"you're back. where were you?" akaashi worried tone surprises you after a quite fine time of trying to find you because your study desk in the library was empty.

"i was... out for fresh air. why?" your voice is off and he noticed that. he always knew when something is bothering you, and right now he definitely know that something is wrong.

"after i finished my lunch i got yours, 'cause i know when i'm back you would still hadn't eaten anything." his brows slightly furrow seeing your avoiding attitude.

"thanks, keiji." you said briefly, take the package from his hand and sit down on your seat, never forget to notice the pastry box still intact.

your strange attitude didn't just stop there, it confuses akaashi for a more couple of days of your avoidance, he dislike the way you put a small distance between you both in study sessions, you flinch and tense around him more often, your answers and conversations are brief and sometimes awkward as you seem to be more preoccupied and attentive rather than to communicate with him.

"good morning, y/n." he smiles, your state has been bothering him for days as he is paying attention to your fade grin and a small "hey" as a greet back.

then he fumbles. something is missing...

oh. but then, realization sets in him quite quickly: you didn't bring any homemade sweets today.

"y/n..." he hesitates, meeting your eyes as you lift your head up from the notebook you're scribbling on. "does your home perhaps... out of ingredients or something?"

you are stunned for a moment, knowing exactly what he was trying to imply, scared to look at him directly in the eye as you shift your gaze elsewhere, pretending to have forgotten.

"oh... you mean the pastries... I forgot to do it. I was busy yesterday"

lies. he see through it, you know that, but you can't just blurt it all out that you're heartbreaking because of his indirect rejection that never says he doesn't like you, but makes you feel like it did.

"hey... i know something is wrong, can you tell me what it is?"

there it is - the worried look on such handsome face that never fails to make your heart flutter. but you know, that is just his nature of being an attentive and thoughtful person, not just for only you, but for everyone in his orbit.

so his question remained unanswered.

akaashi has been extremely distracted due to the sudden lack of your affection on him. it's just doesn't feel the same. even if he refuses it but deep down, he misses your midday snacks, your bubbly laugh around him and that flushed cheeks you wear every time he caught you staring. it has been a whole week since, and the fact that you didn't join the friend group video call with bokuto last sunday was his last straw.

he misses you, dearly. and if he doesn't do anything now before your project is finished, he might find it difficult to approach you even when you are his best friend.

and then, on an another lovely morning in the college's campus, an emotion he thinks he's aware of stirring in his stomach at the scene of you handing out a bento box wrapped with the same detailed towel, a small smile tugs at the corner of your lips as the other boy laughs lightly, scratches his neck, sending regards with a polite bow before making his way back in the classroom, akaashi doesn't like what his eyes have witnessed, so when he met yours, the bitterful look sends shivers down your spine.

you turn away, begin to walk, you do not want to deal with your bothered heart right now, not if it has anything to do with him, with that thought, you choose to neglect it because it is just your one-sided feelings for him.

but you hear footsteps behind, next is a small "wait" escaped from his lips when he managed to catch up and hold gently on your arm. that stopped you midtrack.

"please. can we talk?" he pleads.

---

you find yourself trapped by his presence in a corner of the school's library. there's no point in avoiding now.

"i'm sorry." he states. "i like you, i should've known."

your eyes widen. why- all of a sudden?

akaashi glances at you, softly sighs before bring your hand up to his face and kiss your knuckles gently.

"i understand now, i was clueless, you have the very right to be mad at me." each sentences he speaks crack your heart, but at the same time, they give you hope.

you neither know how to react, nor what to say, you just stand there, completely speechless, it encourages him to continue his speech of pursuing you.

"the last time i went to have lunch with satsuki, she confessed to me." he stopped, watching your expression. "but i turned her down, then, she got angry and started to brag about you. i did not like what she said, so i got quite defensive and... that was when i realised."

"i didn't know when it started. i just knew that i didn't feel very comfortable seeing you bringing your pastries that was meant for me to someone else, and more it's because i didn't appreciate it."

he squeezes your hand, afraid if not, you'll slip from his grip and become somebody else's apple. he certainly dislikes the thought.

"i want your pastries back, i love them as much as i love you. please let me correct such a terrible mistake."

---

"yes, hello. i've received the box, thank you, my love."

akaashi spins his office chair slightly, softly speaking to the phone stuck between his cheek and shoulder with a smile while unwrapping a huge warm box of freshly baked tarts.

"keiji, bad news, i'm out of powdered sugar after that batch." your voice echoed on output, he chuckles.

"are you free after work? we can visit the supermarket to purchase some. i'll drive, consider this a date with me, 'mkay?"

© 2024 dreamesamu. all rights reserved.

[veritasangel]

Giving them the silent treatment

ft. Bokuto, Kuroo, Akaashi, Kita (pt.1 here)

⋆ ˚｡⋆ any pov ୨୧˚ warnings: nsfw in Kuroo's {mdni} ↣ {wc: 1.8k}

↣ I think it should be obvious but to clarify, anytime i write for hq, it's always post-timeskip

Tetsurō Kuroo

He laughs it off

Finds it funny that you resort to silent treatment and definitely teases you for being all moody as you ignore him

This man is 110% a brat tamer (don't argue with me on this)

Kuroo’s eyes sparkle with amusement as he watches where you’re sitting in his office chair, looking mad. “You didn’t have to bring me lunch.” he muses, “Thought you’d be too stroppy to stop by today.” he teases as he closes the door and savours the aroma of food in the air.

An eyebrow raises when you don’t respond, “Oh, we’re still mad at each other, huh?” he tuts a little as he leans against his desk, loosening his tie slightly, “Thought I fucked the attitude out of you this morning, no? I’d say let’s go for round two but we both know you can’t keep your mouth shut and these walls are way too thin.”

You feel your cheeks heat up as you try to ignore how his words make you feel. You continue to relax comfortably in his chair, occasionally looking up at him, his appearance already slightly dishevelled from the day and you so desperately want to fix the messy strands of his hair that are out of place, but you refrain.

“You’re cute like this… all grumpy.” he smirks as he goes through the lunch you brought him, his favourite. You look like you couldn’t care less but you still came all this way to give him a homemade lunch, he grins at the irony as silence fills the room.

“Oh okay, you’re serious about the silent treatment this time, my bad.” he chuckles half heartedly as he relaxes against his desk, beginning to tuck into his food.

After a few bites, he holds the fork out to you for you to have a taste and as you slowly lean in, he pulls it away, “Gotta' use your words if you want some.”

“But I made it-” you scoff

“Not the words I wanted but it’s a start.” he grins mischievously as you roll your eyes and he can’t help but give in, handing the fork back to you. “I’m sorry sweetheart, forgive me?” he tilts his head at you.

“I forgave you ages ago.”

“Then what the hell was the point in this?” he chuckles as he pulls you in closer to him, putting the lunch to the side momentarily.

You shrug, “Just wanted to annoy you a little more.” a small smirk tugging on your lips and he shakes his head, knowing damn well he’s gonna wipe that smirk off your face before you leave the office.

Kōtarō Bokuto

He gets grumpy when he realises you’re giving him silent treatment.

Pouts about it and acts all sad and mopey.

Tries to make you feel guilty for ignoring him so that you’ll talk.

It was a stupid argument, really, but you were both stressed and it escalated way too quickly. Bokuto brushed it off, but you were feeling so frustrated, you couldn’t help but give him the silent treatment.

Bokuto’s mood plummeted the moment he realised you weren’t responding to anything he said. His usual energetic self was replaced by a mopey, pouty version. He huffs dramatically, hoping you’d hear and take pity on him as he snuck a glance over at you in the car. When that didn’t work, he tried to look even more miserable, if that was even possible. Gave you puppy dog eyes and kept mumbling about how sad it was in the silence.

“It’s such a shame I have nobody to listen to my amazing gossip.” he exclaims, dramatically, his hand coming to rest on your thigh. “Meian and Atsumu have some crazy drama going on…Imagine I had someone to tell it all too-” he sighs.

He missed your voice, your laughter, even your frustrated groans when he teased you too much. This silent treatment was torture as he drove you guys back home.

“Fuck, I’m sorry-” the words come spilling out before you can stop them. It was too hard when he looked as sad as he did. He was like a big teddy bear and it didn’t look right seeing him so dejected. You were frustrated at him but you weren’t heartless.

His eyes widened, the joy practically already returning to his face as you smiled at him, your hand intertwining with his, “Spit it out then.” you try and sound mad but it doesn’t work.

The mood is instantly lifted in the car as he rambles on and on about the drama that happened at practice. Honestly your fight was long forgotten as the two of you gossiped for the entire journey back home. His boisterous grin was back on his face and you felt bad for ignoring him, if only temporarily.

“I’m sorry-” you begin but he cuts you off, squeezing your hand.

“Sshh, doesn’t matter. We don’t even need to think about it, let’s just be happy.” he grins at you, sending a wink your way as he parks the car.

“Pizza for dinner?” you ask.

“God, you’re an awful influence.” he sighs, before quickly nodding, “Pizza. Just don’t tell Hajime.”

Shinsuke Kita

He either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care enough to give you the satisfaction.

Will continue on with the day as if nothing’s different.

You give him silent treatment to annoy him and it backfires because you’re more annoyed that he doesn’t say anything about it.

You were already tucked up in bed when Kita came in from his shower, still getting ready for bed. Honestly you don’t even remember what the argument was about and you always said you’d never go to sleep on one and honestly this was probably more one sided, so you dropped the silence.

You looked over at him, trying not to admire his physique too much as you sighed, “I’m sorry Shin-”

He throws on some sweatpants as he gets into bed beside you, looking completely unphased, you weren’t even sure if he’d heard you, until he finally spoke.

“For what?” he mumbles.

“You know, for being silent with you all day…” you mumble, trailing off as you notice he’s not even looking at you, he’s just looking around the room.

“Had no idea.” He shrugs, eventually looking back at you as a small chuckle leaves him, “So that’s why it was so nice and peaceful today.”

And Kita swears you want to hit him over the head, with the glare you’re now giving him.

He shuffles sheepishly, “Sorry.” Kita mumbles as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you in so that your head’s resting against his chest and you can feel his comforting heartbeat. “Honestly just sorta forgot about our little spat, it was that stupid.”

*Yep, you were definitely in a one sided argument, giving him the silent treatment earlier*

“Really? It got a little heated.”

“It was heated because I was tired and Rin called earlier, pissed me off prior to our disagreement.” He says casually as he runs a hand along your skin, “I’m sorry if I upset you, shouldn’t have let everything get to me.”

“I’m sorry too.” you say softly as you look up at him, his eyes meeting yours, “Sorry for the argument and….maybe for being a little childish afterwards and trying to ignore you.” you mumble the last part quietly.

“You know I don’t care.” he says as he kisses the top of your head, “I mean, you should know this by now. After all this time of being together and you think I care about some ridiculous bickering? Baby, it was the most pointless argument ever. You think we’re even going to remember it 2 days from now? Absolutely not.”

You smile a little, knowing he's right, “I love you.” you whisper as you feel your eyes drifting shut.

“I love you too, idiot.” he says softly.

Keiji Akaashi

It’s definitely not silent treatment after an argument because this man is a green flag in a relationship. But you do it as a little prank to see how he’ll react.

He doesn’t take you seriously at all and knows you can’t ignore him for long.

Just so chill about it honestly.

When he arrived home and you didn’t greet him at the door like usual, he just knew you were trying something today. He tried to engage in brief conversation as he got changed from work but you didn’t budge an inch at his words, so he just laughed, shaking his head before going to have a shower.

“Are you doing one of those stupid trends on me again?” he mumbles as he approaches you after his shower and you squeal because he hasn’t dried off yet so he drips water onto you.

“Oh my bad, guess that breaks the silence, huh?” he teases as he runs a hand through his wet hair.

You shake your head, still refusing to speak.

“What? That absolutely counts, your mouth was open and a noise was emitted.” 

You still don’t give up, making an effort to act as though you’re zipping your mouth shut.

“I can tell you’ve been babysitting all day.”

And you laugh, unable to hold it in because it’s true. You were babysitting his niece and she wanted you to try the prank out on him

“That has to count! That was a full on noise.” he exclaims, smiling at your foolishness as you lean in to give him a quick kiss. You pull away far too quickly for his liking, but he lets it slide.

“Fine, fine, I’ll let you have that one-  But only because I have so much to tell you.”

He grins, knowing you too well, silent treatment never works with you because once he’s home from work, you always have so much to talk about. You’re like Bokuto, you’ll talk for weeks once you get going, he must attract the babblers, he thinks to himself.

“Ah, I gave in too easily, she’ll be mad at me for letting you win.” you groan as you lean into Akaashi,

“I’m sure she’ll survive.” he jokes, hands resting comfortably on your waist. “We could never have kids, you’d be like this all the time.” he croons, resting his chin on your head.

You fake gasp, “You mean you don’t want me doing anymore more stupid pranks?”

He has to take a moment to think about it, a slight smirk appearing, “I suppose I could handle the silent treatment if it made our little one happy.”

“Look at you, getting carried away already, you’ll have to help babysit next time.”

“Mhm, I will...And ’ll make sure to get you back.” he grins, leaning in to kiss you once more.

༄ m.list

© veritasangel ↣ 𝘥𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘴

[simeon-lovergirl]

Thinking about timeskip Akaashi

Manga editor Akaashi who is your boyfriend ever since high-school, you've been together for nearly nine years, and as you knew, he wanted to be in the literature department.

Well, after arranging some things with his boss, he managed to let him publish a small manga, and so his excitement extended to you.

It was weird for him to not tell you or show you much about this project that clearly excited him so much, but he brushed you off saying that he wanted it to be a surprise.

When the much expected day arrived, he came home with the just published edition of the magazine, quickly and excitedly setting up his camera to record your reaction, his nervousness making him smile and even shake a bit.

You found it cute, how your boyfriend was all excited to show you his newest project.

But you weren't expecting the short one-shot to be a romance manga, so, with a confused expression you glanced at Keiji, who is looking at you expectantly, encouraging you to keep reading.

And then the tears flow when you realise that he is asking you to marry him, when you turn at him he's already down in one knee, the fine and elegant black velvet box opened in his hand, showing the most beautiful golden ring you have ever seen in your life.

You obviously accept, and the manga gets so much attention it goes viral over the next few days because it's just so cute, and so well written and omg the way he draws you it's sooo beautiful?? So the people ask for more, they want to know your answer so you post the video of your reaction and after that they need more, so Keiji's boss offers him a contract to keep drawing his story and so your story becomes the best romance manga, best seller, meets and greets, plushies, IT EVEN BECOMES AN ANIME AND HAS A LIVE ACTION...

And after the manga is done, he keeps making one shots of little moments yall had/have

[zumicho]

blueprints — two : wallpaper

one three main masterlist

cw: argument, angst (lol), religious references, flawed characters

between you and him: normalcy is nonexistent. the arguments aren’t heated enough to call for making amends, yet there’s a suffocating presence of wrong. an unwelcome thickness in the air that swallows the very life of your relationship, stabbing daggers at what once was.

‘you say it’s complicated, to make amends — well is that the way, that we’re headed then?’

there’s a different hurt to a betrayal that you know is coming.

“beige or paper-white?” keiji’s voice jerks you into the present.

you don’t recall how you ended up here, at the local wallpaper shop, rummaging through the ‘neutrals’ section, with the last person you’d expect. there’s a cryptic message in his gaze that you fail to decipher. he's waiting for you to respond.

“blue.”

a pause, followed by a resigned sigh. “can you take me seriously?”

“I am serious, keiji. I like the blue.”

“the blue displayed in the children’s section?” his brows scrunch.

“when will you stop letting everyone else’s view dictate your perspective?” you snap. “why do you care so much what they think?”

“I’m starting to think this isn’t just about wallpaper.”

you’d never guess that someone who wants to build houses for a living was scared of creating a home.

“it isn’t.” you’re crying. “it’s about how you refuse to try.” the tears are pathetic. because they won’t change anything. nothing will change how he thinks. they’re pathetic because they’re wasted on a situation that will stay the same regardless of what you say or do. “It’s about how I don’t matter enough — for you to try at all.”

the call of your name cuts the flashback short.

he’s crossing the room. three strides, till your face is buried into his shoulder, staining the royal blue sweater you bought him on his birthday. your nails dig into his forearms — an overwhelming sense of if I let go I lose you. akaashi’s holding on just as tight.

“I’m not ready for a house, love.”

“don’t call me that.”

“I’m trying to make this easier. on the both of us.” only the falter in his tone allows you to notice the fatigue weighing down on his shoulders, evident in the dark circles under his eyes. you don’t pity him. you should, but the anger outweighs it.

“easier on the both of us, or on you?”

“would you believe me if I said you do matter? that I’m ready to try?”

you take his words and squeeze them into an IV bag, letting it flow through your bloodstream, letting them marinate and seep deep into your brain.

his patience was slipping. “I don’t know what you want me to say. you want me to understand you, but you refuse to step into my shoes. have you considered that I’m scared?” akaashi stumbles over the last word. “talking to you is walking on eggshells.”

‘it takes strength to forgive, but I don’t feel strong.’

you lost grip of yours. “don’t yell at me for walking on eggshells you placed in this relationship.” is this how Jesus felt? when he knew Judas would betray him, and loved him nevertheless?

akaashi read the question off your face.

do you want to end this?

to your relief, he shook his head.

“how do you break up with someone who has half your soul,

and all of you?”

© froyaoya all rights reserved.

a/n: ness if u see this u brought me back into my NIKI phase. lol this fic is just my new vent medium so I’m sorry if it’s incomprehensible, messy, all of the above. proofreading tmr

tags @causenessus @wyrcan @greninjafan5000 @aliensstolemyheart @nursedflowers @whosmiadotcom @cr4yolaas @jeoo-saw @httpsivy @cnnmairoll @yenonnoff @phoenix-eclipses @tobiosluvr @rory-cakes @frvppe @mollyrolls @miyamoratsumuu @hyenagoated @mitskicain

[iiwaijime]

i'm okay (if you're okay) — k. akaashi

wc; 576

cws; hurt/comfort, crying, tiny moment of "i dont deserve them", gn reader

the first thing you realise as you wake up is that your world is going off kilter — or rather, someone's moving you. your eyes snap open and you look around, disoriented, until your eyes meet those of your boyfriend's, eyes crinkling at the corners while he maneuvers you off the ground. "huh?"

akaashi's lips quirk up as he shoots a small smile at you. the hand that's not being used to scoop you into his lap comes up to readjust his glasses. "you seem tired."

"i'm exhausted," you reply, surprised at how worn out your voice sounds. he hums in reply, tucking your head under his chin.

"you're studying too much."

"i'm not, it's only been like an hour."

your weak refusal doesn't convince him, and he huffs out a short laugh. "i took the liberty of checking your timer records."

fuck.

"how long was i asleep, anyways?" you ask lightly, trying to change the subject. him knowing that you pulled an all nighter won't make things any better right now. keiji ignores the question, brushing hair away from your face before pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head.

"why didn't you sleep last night?"

so much for all that.

"i had too much work to do," you say, and your voice cracks. you take a deep breath, caught off guard by the unexpected surge of emotions. keiji's heart stops when he hears the first noise, turning you around to look at him. you expect him to be mad, upset with you at least — you'd promised him that you wouldn't stay up late anymore, let alone pull an all-nighter — but all you see in his widened green eyes is love and concern.

"baby, are you okay?" he asks gently — he exudes a sort of warmth you have not felt with anyone else, a sense of home. you remember once again why you fell in love with him. you have just enough time to shake your head no at him before you're falling apart in his arms, body wracking with sobs.

he lets you cry it out for as long as you need, rocking you gently as you hiccup into his sweater. and when you open your mouth to say sorry, maybe he reads your mind, because he's already shushing you before you can apologise.

"there's nothing for you to be sorry about," he whispers, and you cry even harder. you don't deserve someone like him, so kind and caring and forgiving. lithe fingers trace slow patterns across your side as he wipes your tears with his other hand. "it's okay, it'll be okay, i love you."

you're not quite sure when you stop crying, or when keiji's soft touch lulls you to sleep, but when you finally wake up, it's the next day already — like, what?

you find keiji humming to himself at the kitchen table, poring over manga manuscripts. he looks up at the sound of your footsteps and smiles, putting his glasses before he greets you.

"good morning, love."

"good morning," you echo, not expecting him to pull you into a hug again. his warmth engulfs you, and you melt into it with a sigh.

"i spaced out all your work so you can finish it and be well rested," he reports. it makes you want to kiss him (so you do).

"i hope you're doing better now." keiji smiles down at you, pink-cheeked.

"i am," you reply, and you are.

a/n; title is from this december by ricky montgomery but i switched it up a lil bit !! really needed this one ;,)

[bonniepop]

character: akaashi keiji words: 700+ warnings: parenthood & special children. drama & comfort. notes: when i did a quick recap of all the fics i wanted to repost, this came at me out of nowhere, mostly because i forgot i wrote it, but also holy hell i wrote this? (i also rewrote it.)

-

your eyes are wet and swollen, your back pressed against the side of the bathtub as you sit on the floor. once upon a time, you looked at this place with dreamy eyes and excitement—this bathroom is so beautiful, this house is gorgeous, it’s perfect for us—but lately, you’ve been seeing the inside of it through a teary, pained gaze. it’s ruined for you.

i guess all this really was too good to be true, you tell yourself miserably, heat pricking the back of your eyes once again. you curl further into yourself and press your forehead over your knees, tears dripping down your thighs and soaking your shorts.

you don't know how long you sit there, but eventually, the bathroom door opens, and your husband steps in. “hi,” you hear akaashi say softly, “she’s asleep now.”

you don't move. the door shuts and you feel his warmth settle next to you.

you're both quiet for a time.

“you’re so good with her,” you say, voice wet and sticky, heavy in your mouth. “you're so... i’m so fucking terrible compared to you.”

akaashi doesn’t say anything.

“maybe…” you gasp against your knees, “maybe if i carried her to term—”

“hey, no,” he says softly, lifting one of his hands to tug at your elbow. “don’t say things like that.”

you press your lips shut and turn your head to meet his eyes, and you find him looking at you with so much compassion, so much patience, that you feel your heart fall to your stomach.

"say things like what?" you ask him sadly, voice cracking. “that i'm a bad mother? that i can't do it? that i can’t even carry a normal baby?”

the moment the words leave your mouth, you regret them. your eyes widen and your lip trembles. “keiji, i—i'm sorry, i didn’t mean—”

“it’s not your fault,” he says, voice louder, a little rougher, but never angry. he tugs a little more firmly on your elbow, and you let him take it. “it’s not your fault. we—we’re doing what we can, we’re not—you’re not a bad mother, and she’s not a bad child. she’s just… different.”

she’s just different, the phrase repeats in your head, hollowly bouncing around as keiji pulls you into his arms. you’ve heard it many times before. it’s not her fault she screams the way she does; it’s not her fault she can’t stand anything that has the color blue; it’s not her fault she needs to eat at exactly 4:30pm when she comes home from school everyday. it’s the way she is. she can’t help it.

“what if i’m not good enough to handle different?” you tell him, heart breaking, head leaning on his chest. you start to hiccup through your tears. “i love her, i love her so much, but… keiji, what if i… what if i’m not a bad mom, but i’m a bad mom to her?”

he shakes his head, gently stroking your hair. “you’re not, because you’re thinking about how to be a good one,” he tells you softly, other arm coming around your shoulders.

after a long moment of silence, you speak again. it's a little laborous, pulling your lips apart to speak because you've been crying so much. “you’re so good with her. how… you have so much patience, and i…” you cut yourself off with a sniffle. "i don't know how you do it."

akaashi sighs. “it's... i don't know. i wish i had an answer."

you pull away and meet his gaze. the hand in your hair drifts to your other hand and he takes it in a gentle squeeze.

“i’m not perfect, either,” he murmurs gently, letting go of your hand to tuck your hair behind your ear.. “no one’s perfect at this. there’s no manual to handling a child with autism, love. we just have to be patient, and love them, and remember what they like and don’t like.” he kisses your forehead. “you love her, don’t you?”

“of course,” you answer truthfully, and sniffle. he takes your hand again, his thumb brushing your skin so delicately, so lovingly. “i love her so, so much, but i’m so… i’m so scared i’m doing her a disservice.”

“you’re not. you’re not, my love. please believe me.” he presses the back of your hand to his mouth. “what matters is that we try.”

you let go of his hand and wrap your arms around his waist, the side of your thigh falling on top of his legs. “i love you, keiji,” you tell him earnestly, desperately. “i’m sorry i’m being so difficult.”

“you aren’t,” he answers, but you know it’s automatic, because your husband is the kindest of souls and you are the most selfish of people.

you press yourself closer to him. “still, i was acting like a child. we're supposed to be partners, but instead i made things harder on you. i'm sorry.”

he presses a kiss to your forehead, and the hand that was on your shoulder now strokes your hair. “i forgive you,” he says against your skin. “i love our little family, imperfect as it is. i’d hate to see it fall apart.”

your eyes water and your mouth trembles and your heart squeezes with love. if there’s anything you’d go to the ends of the earth for, it’s keiji’s happiness.

fortunately, you don’t have to go that far. you can start in your daughter’s room.

[owlyflufff]

Something about Bokuto growing familiar with Akaashi's handwriting throughout their high school years, whether it's through little notes on how to improve that Akaashi leaves for him or the way caught Akaashi writing little tidbits of writing in a notebook or two.

Still Bokuto Koutarou remembers Akaashi Keiji's handwriting very well, it's a lot more elegant than his. He can recognize the particular way some letters are written, signs of something so precise, accurate and careful. It's very Akaashi-like.

By the time they've parted ways (or if Bokuto graduating but still going into the gym regardless to see Akaashi and the new recruits is considered parting ways), Akaashi's handwriting is still as memorable and recognizable to him. Bokuto knows it the same way he knows Akaashi so well.

Though merely sending a text message is more convenient and easier by a long mile, Bokuto decides to write a letter to Akaashi during his college days. Nothing admittedly prompts him to do it (he's always been one to try different things afterall), but he does it anyway, picking up pen and paper and humming a little tune as he crafts little stories, tales and experiences with his words.

His rambles and thoughts only for Akaashi and Akaashi to bear witness to.

A few days after sending the letter, no response. Akaashi doesn't bring it up either in text messages or conversation and for a little while Bokuto considers maybe it was a bit too silly of an idea.

Until a letter slips underneath his door and Bokuto doesn't even need to read where it came from before he's swiftly opening the envelope.

There is something to be said about seeing Akaashi's handwriting again. He misses it.

His finger gently trails along the paper, a soft smile on his lips as he reads Akaashi's response and his own tidbits of stories and tales, the chaos that is being Fukurodani's captain now in his stead. It doesn't take long before Bokuto is reaching for his pen and paper once more, writing another letter with just as much enthusiasm.

The exchange of letters between them last longer than Bokuto expected, but it would be an understatement to say he was happy in regards to it.

There is one day however, that Bokuto notices something is amiss.

Perhaps his eyes are just deceiving him, but he notices how some of the words are tangled. They aren't written the same way Bokuto recognizes them, not as careful as he had remembered them to be. It's a little odd to say the least but Bokuto merely assumes that it's just a little off detail and goes on, pen and paper already on the table as he writes back a response.

It gets worse.

The soft smile that was once there draws into a frown on Bokuto's lips as Bokuto notices how Akaashi's handwriting gets progressively messier. With every letter that he receives the words on the letter are getting harder to read, ink splatters and smudges on the paper. It doesn't help that the paragraphs start to get shorter and shorter with each passing letter Akaashi sends back.

Bokuto knows Akaashi's handwriting far too well but he knows Akaashi Keiji even more. Something is definitely wrong.

He's a new member of the MSBY team by then, having not been able to visit Akaashi as frequently when Akaashi also graduated. However this time he doesn't waste time, purchasing a ticket and making it over to Akaashi's apartment.

He doesn't know if it's a blessing or curse that his hunch was right.

There is something to be said about seeing someone so dear to you, with far too dark and deep circles under their eyes, room as though a whirlwind had disrupted and destroyed the former order he once recognized and Akaashi -- Akashi who had order at the forefront of his mind, Akaashi who gave reminders and ensuring Bokuto was on track, Akaashi who was always so careful and steady, now huddled up by his desk with trembling hands.

And if Bokuto stays the night, hugging him close and whispering nothing but soothing words to save him from another breakdown. If he shares the bed, letting Akaashi get the sleep he so desperately needed against the crook of his neck, watching over him and pulling him closer into his embrace. If he visits more often than once, bringing food and stories that start to slowly put a smile on Akaashi's face once more, no one would ever need to know save for the two of them.

Well kept moments shared and cherished between them, just like each other's letters they've kept and collected throughout the years. A stack of them safe and sitting snugly in a corner of their bedrooms.

They don't write letters to each other anymore. Instead there are sticky notes on a refrigerator, of food that needs to be purchased, chores to be done and little reminders. Of little doodles within folded paper sneaked into each other's bags, consisting of owls, hearts and smiley faces.

There's no need to write about their everyday lives, not when they get to share it constantly now within the confines of their shared apartment.

And as Bokuto looks to the side, seeing Akaashi leaning against his shoulder and writing something on a few drafts for Udai's next manga, he notices the handwriting once more. It's not as messy as it used to be, but neither is it the same manner Bokuto had grown to recognize. It's getting there though, slowly returning to same careful, steady and eased handwriting he had cherished silently throughout the years.

He kisses Akaashi's head, and knows that it's enough.

[aboutkiyoomi]

onigiri cravings | prelude

"i'm really craving onigiri." was your most common saying during the calmer years of nursing school. your soft-spoken boyfriend was always the first to offer up the idea of going to onigiri miya for dinner, well, whenever he was home or free to offer up any ideas.

life for you had been fairly simple, you lived in tokyo for majority of your life and graduated high school with amazing marks. once you left high school, you had immediate plans to get your bachelor's in science and nursing. something about interacting with patient's every day and maybe even brightening their days or just making them feel better, sounded like a perfect career for you. during uni, you met a young man, who happened to be a mutual friend of a mutual friend. things kicked off and you had been with him for pushing 3 years now.

the relationship has been and is great? your boyfriend, akaashi keiji, was a sweetheart and the most sensitive soul known to man. he was kind and gentle, everything you needed in a boyfriend. akaashi was textbook perfect but, lately he's been a bit flooded with his studies. as he aspires to be a doctor, he has a significantly larger workload than you and is rarely home and when he is, the two of you barely interacted.

fleeting touches and short murmurs of adoration. you began to feel neglected but you didn't want to desert him, in possibly the most difficult stage of his life. as much as akaashi cares for you, his lack off attention and focus was really displeasing for you.

however, as you closed in on the last couple months of nursing school, you decided to get a job at onigiri miya. your favorite restaurant in possibly all of japan. as you came to a close on your final years of schooling, you thought it might be great to use this job as an opportunity to steal recipes from the fated brand and to save some money for student loans and other unforgiving adult debts while you looked for your quote en quote 'big girl job' .

"hey keiji, i'm off to work." you mumbled, peeking your head into the "office" space, the two of you designated when you moved into your small apartment.

"mm." was the short, quiet response you recieved as akaashi rubbed his temple, eyes burned through his study book.

eyes rolled slightly, you grabbed your bag and rushed out of the door. you were very prideful in your time management skills, so although you weren't late, you hoped to arrive to onigiri miya with ample time to settle in and prepare for your very first shift, albeit training.

onigiri miya was nothing but a mere 15 minute walk from your quaint downtown apartment. the walk was refreshing, the cool january air brushing against your face, tickling your nose a bit. the buzzing and bustling of downtown tokyo, quietly muting as you stood in front of the bright red lights of onigiri miya. in all it's silent glory.

you prepped a shallow breath before pushing the doors into the warm atmosphere, filled with savory scents that made you feel cozy, in a way that you typically only get from a quiet winter night, snuggled into your bed.

as you walked deeper into the store, you were greeted by the hiring manager. a short girl with cute blonde hair, a bright smile adorned on her face. she showed you the break room and the locker where you could place your belongings before bringing you to the back of the store, where a tall man with silver hair, that could almost be mistaken for an elderly gray.

"this is suga, he'll be training you and giving you a tour of the store. if you have any questions, you can ask him or me. good luck, y/n!!" the hiring manager, yachi, shot you a thumbs up before waltzing away to her office.

"i'm sugawara kōshi, most people call me suga." he smiles, his hand extending warmly.

"nice to meet you suga, i'm y/n. soo, how long have you been working here?" you asked, rocking back and forth on your heels.

"almost 2 and a half years? i'm working on my doctorate in elementary education and childhood development. so, as i contemplate my life trying to write my thesis, i've ended up working here." he began, leaning against the counter before continuing. you chuckled slightly at the dry humor and also because you were thoroughly impressed with his educational background. "enough about me, i'll be giving you the grand tour and teach you a bit about the place. let me know if i'm going too fast or if you need help." his smile gentle and warm.

"sounds great. also, props to you for going back for your doctorate. i'm about to graduate nursing school and i don't think i could ever imagine going back." you chuckled dryly, head shaking slightly because school truly felt endless. especially as a nursing major.

"a NURSEE?? and you decided to work here?" suga raised his eyebrow, waving you into the kitchen.

"well, i love the resturant. a little too much andd i needed a side job while i look for my first big nursing job." you answered, unashamedly as you glance around the large, almost empty kitchen.

"well, props to you. this is the kitchen, we really don't do much back here. but here." he motions toward the window that separated the kitchen from the lobby of the resturant. "is more important, ya know, we receive the food and double check orders." he explains before moving forward through the doors to the lobby.

"the lobby, i'm sure you're familiar with it. all i really have to teach you is to make teas and drinks and take orders but thank everything that samu' got us an easy pos system." he briefs as he taps the ipad and enters it into training mode.

"samu? is he one of our coworkers? actually...do we have any other coworkers?" you ask, glancing at the empty store.

"we do. samu' however is the owner, he pops up sporadically. usually just to pick something up or explain a new promotion. he's really cool, we're good friends. we also have some coworkers that aren't here today because it's a calm day, not super busy. i'm sure you'll meet hajime and semi, super soon." he rambles, leaning against the counter with his head thrown back. you nod, silently taking in all the information.

suga takes it upon himself to begin explaining and training you on the pos system, which was impossibly easy for someone who had to learn to insert iv's for months at a time. then he explained how to make the signature drinks and just small details about the store that he felt were important.

"you're a natural." suga giggles as you make a perfect 'hyogo nights', a signature drink of onigiri miya.

"i worked at a cafe back in high school. i've got experience under my belt." you giggle softly before passing the drink off to a customer.

"so, tell me about yourself y/n!! if you're comfortable of course, it just gets really boring in here and usually, we all kinda just chat it out until our shifts are up." he chuckles softly before sitting on the crates placed in the hidden corner behind the register.

"well, i'm pretty boring. i'm a tokyo native, lived here my entire life. been dreaming of being a nurse since my second year in high school. i have a boyfriend, we've been together for about 3 years now. i want to work as a pediatric er nurse, to be specific and yeah. that's the basic y/n breakdown." y/n smiles softly, sat on the crate opposite of suga.

"wow, i grew up in miyagi, so definitely not a city boy. i've been here for 5 years now?? i graduated and immediately enrolled in utokyo and have been there since. 3 years of a relationship is insanee, i need tips because i cannot keep a man if i tried." suga laughs hard.

"pleasee, it's not easy but he makes it easy. he's been told he's a 'perfect boyfriend' time and time again." you laughed softly, your eyes crinkling slightly as you thought about keiji's recent behavior.

"i can imagine! a pretty and smart woman like you could definitely bag one of the romantics. i'm sure he's a catch as well." suga speaks casually, sipping on a tea he's made for himself.

"well, he's in med school so, pretty smart and equally as handsome." you spoke, smile genuine and soft as you think of the first year of your relationship.

the conversation continues and flows naturally, topics jumping from education to living in the city, all the way to your coworkers that you have yet to meet. hajime iwaizumi, who is typically called iwa by suga, is a burly man who is studying to be a physical therapist, which you admired. pt is such an underrated health care field ! semi eita, is your other coworker, lanky and humorous, according to suga. semi is working here while he decides what he wants to do with his composition major. yachi, the hiring manager that you met, has been working here since the opening of the dt tokyo location 6 years ago. she also designed the uniforms, a side hobby of hers. and osamu miya, the owner of the restaurant. suga claims that he is less of a boss and more of an annoying friend who comes to nag at him and that you get really used to him, even though he looks a bit intimidating from a "boss" perspective.

before the two of you could realize, all of the closing tasks were completed and the store was ready to be closed. suga paused as the two of you stood outside, ready to lock the store, it's bright red lights dimmed.

"is your boyfriend going to come get you? should i wait?" suga assumes, hiking his bag further up his shoulder.

"no, he's...busy. i'm just going to walk, i don't live far." you speak, eyes shut to think about the text you recieved from keiji.

"hope you had a great work day, i know you wanted me to pick you up but the study group decided to do a last minute session for our exam in the morning. i'm sorry, love. i'll make it up to you?"

with a sigh, you realize that suga has been saying something to you but you were far gone into your thoughts to realize.

"i'll walk you, if you don't mind. i can't, in good conscience, allow you to walk alone at this time of night. it's wrong." he smiled genuinely and softly.

"trust me, suga. i appreciate it but i'll be okay. i'll let you know that i get in safe though!" you smiled appreciatively, before waving goodbyes with promises to let him know you arrived safely.

as you walked, the cold january air feeling bitter against your skin, unlike the refreshing feeling you had earlier. but, you brushed it off to appreciate the new friend you gained from your new job. also, how could you forget to grab an onigiri before heading home...dammnit. now you'll be craving onigiri forever.

notes: this fic just serves an attestment to my writing, i promise i can write ya'll 🧑‍🎤. anyways i am SO excited for this fic and yes, i am letting you know now. akaashi is going to be a tiny bit of an asshole but not a horrible person, just an inconsiderate boyfriend. but, alas read to find out more. also no actual osamu appearance this chapter because it's just a prelude. but anyways, highly super excited.

taglist (open): @wyrcan @nightlybakes @anyalou @boogiemansbitch

[causenessus]

more than anything else. | akaashi k.

I LOST THE REQUEST BC I TRIED TO SAVE YOUR ASK AS A DRAFT I'M SO SORRY ANON </3 (i just wanted to do a fancy title color </3333 which thank u wyr for teaching me how!! i finally did it!!) they asked for a drabble with akaashi about a reader struggling in med school who isn't doing as well as she wants to but tries to keep it hidden but ends up breaking down in front of akaashi </3 i hope that's an acceptable synopsis of ur amazing idea anon </3 thank you sm for your request i loved writing this!!

akaashi x f!reader

written in 3rd pov

dialogue prompt from 1k followers event: ❤️‍🩹 -> "you deserve more"

"but still i'm alone, and that's what scares me the most. forgetting myself, forgetting what i said i would be." from clown car by lowertown

word count: 1.9k words

lots of hurt/comfort </33 akaashi and y/n are already in an established relationship

thank u to my very cool sister in med school whose experiences very heavily influenced this entire story which might very well be me tomorrow when i get my college test scores xx

NOT edited esp after i lost my draft the first time. tumblr, i have words to speak to u. the tumblr hq complaint list ree and me have formed gets longer everyday.

tokyo’s medical school program had been no joke. for as long as she could remember, she had wanted to be a nurse. she'd dreamed of it for so long that even when she didn’t initially pass the entry exam, she kept trying. it took her four times to finally get accepted. keiji had told her she was resilient, and their low acceptance rate was nothing she could control.

he was right, but she couldn’t help feeling worn down a little. she had known people who’d passed the exam on their first try, yet all her work up until that fourth retake hadn’t been enough. although they were in completely different majors, she subconsciously compared herself to keiji, as well. it made her sick to think that she was being left behind. while he had already finished his first year of university, she’d spent the twelve months completing prerequisites and working in a hospital, unable to do anything else.

she knew she couldn’t give up after coming so far, but things didn’t get easier once she made it into the program. keiji had already been busy enough with his own school work, but with the both of them trying to balance their classes, they didn’t find much time to do things outside of studying together. their daily routine became one of them buying coffee and meeting up at the library, staying there until it closed, and then walking home to collapse in bed together, falling asleep in each other’s arms.

the familiarity of their schedule was a stable anchor in both of their lives; neither of them minded daily study dates. it had always been this way since they met–being together was enough for both of them, they didn't need anything fancy. they showed their love for each other through looks from behind a computer screen and cold coffees with extra shots.

yet despite how hard she studied, she couldn’t help but feel like she was falling behind her peers. some of her classes she had passed by the skin of her teeth and when she compared that to her outstanding grades throughout all of high school, seeing even a B was enough to make her heart drop. even worse were C’s and D’s. although a part of her was just thankful to have passed all of her classes, she wanted to do better. she knew plenty of classmates who were struggling just as much as her–these classes weren’t meant to be easy, but when she continued to do worse than she wanted to, that didn’t stop her from feeling like a failure.

it was affecting her entire being; how confident she felt in her competency as a person and how much she was even contributing to the world. was it even worth it for her to continue studying medicine? was she worth all the money her friends and family had spent on her? worth the love keiji gave her? what if he found someone better?

one particular night in the library, her worries had overwhelmed her to the point of tears, and keiji had paused what he was doing to help her.

“i’m sorry, i'm distracting you from your work,” she had cried, trying to stop her tears, “you don’t have to help me or anything, i’m okay.”

“i’m not going to ignore you when you're crying, y/n,” he had said, voice filled with nothing but care and worry. “tell me what’s wrong,” he urged, moving around the table to sit next to her.

she’d explained her anxieties to him briefly that night, but she never wanted to inconvenience him again. even when she felt like she was drowning in her stress, she made sure to keep up a front around him. she could never erase the thought of how much better he deserved, despite his continued reassurance that there was no one better fit for him than her. 

their study dates had returned back to normal after that night. frequent trips to a coffee shop for another coffee resumed, and their stolen glances across the tables continued. she was currently working on a large presentation–an insurance project that would boost her grade if she was able to score at least an 80 on her upcoming final.

she felt good about the material; the project helped her study the chapters on top of the cramming she was already doing. her test scores in the class had averaged around somewhere in the 80s anyway and she felt confident she’d end the class with a good grade. keiji had reminded her of bokuto, who had barely gotten by in his high school classes, yet still graduated and made it out to be a talented volleyball player. although it was a completely different field from her, thinking about bokuto had helped her worry less about perfect grades. she wasn’t content with bare minimum grades that meant she was only just barely passing, but she’d been reminded that As weren't the standard and plenty of people had had successful careers despite struggling with school.

but perhaps she had got her hopes up too high, and everything seemed to fall apart when the notification popped up on her screen. 

not even an 80.

when keiji got home, the lights were off. his mentor at his internship had asked him to stay late and help with their current big project. it was a good opportunity and chance for experience, and he had texted her that he wouldn’t be coming home until later that day in order to keep working. she'd replied, telling him to be safe but had said nothing about a night shift at the hospital; she should've been home.

when he called for her, he didn’t get a response, and he was quick to put away his shoes before making his way to their bedroom. he didn’t think she’d be sleeping so early into the night, but perhaps she’d had a rough day.

then he remembered that her test score for her final exam was supposed to come out today.

the light pattering of rain on their roof was almost loud enough to mask the sniffle he heard, but the moonlight peaking through the curtain of their window illuminated her silhouette.

she was curled up on the wooden floor of their bedroom, leaning against the bed, and when he came around the side of the bed, he saw her tear-stained face, looking forward blankly.

“oh, my love—” his heart twisted at the sight of her, his chest tightening with nausea and guilt thinking about how he’d left her alone on the night she’d needed him the most. “did it not go well?” he asked softly, kneeling next to her with a hand on her back.

at the mention of the test, she choked out a sob as she shook her head and tried to hide her face, “no. i failed it, keiji. i failed the entire class.” through the hand on her back, he could feel the way her body was shaking as she tried to keep in her cries.

“let it out, love,” he whispered, encasing her in his arms and squeezing his own eyes shut. his heart hurt for her, imagining the pain she was going through. he heard it in the hiccups and whimpers that escaped her. she’d probably been here all night, and the thought only made him hug her all the more tightly. “they won’t kick you out of the program, right?” he asked.

“no, i get one strike. i’ll have to retake the class, but if i fail another one—” she didn’t finish, only letting out a shaky breath but he understood and he pulled away to hold her face, brushing away the tears that fell from her eyes with his thumbs.

“then it’ll be okay,” he tried to reassure her, “you have a second chance, and you’re going to do great. plenty of other people have failed, too. it’ll be okay. you’ll be okay, and i’ll be here to help you with whatever you need.”

she placed a hand over one of his own that was still on the side of her face, trying her best to calm her breathing down. “keiji,” she whispered, her lips trembling as she tried to hold back another sob that escaped her anyway.

“yes, dear?” he answered, trying to comfort her with a small smile, letting her know he was there and listening.

“why are you even with me?” her voice broke, as if it physically pained her to even say it. her hand dropped back down to the ground as her tears started falling again. “you deserve more. you deserve someone smarter. and better. i can’t even pass my class, what made me think i could do this? i wasn’t resilient for retaking the entrance exam, i was just being stubborn. i should never have been let in. i don’t deserve to be here.” she pressed her palms into her eyes, letting out ragged breaths that turned back into sobs when she pull herself back together.

her words hurt him even more than it hurt her to say. it pained him to hear how lowly she thought of herself when he thought she was the most admirable person he’d ever seen. he could tell the thoughts had been weighing heavily down on her for long–this was the result of pent up emotions she’d been stuffing down ever since that night she cried in the library. he knew that she hadn’t told him everything, but he had trusted that she would open up to him when she was ready.

he moved to grab hold of her hands, gently pulling them away from her face, “i’m with you because of your passion for this career, y/n.” he feels the way her hands start to relax in his hold and keeps going, “just because a test is difficult doesn’t mean you’re not right for this job, y/n. if you enjoy it and you’re passionate about it, that’s all that matters. the rest will come with time. and i know you’re passionate about this. i’ve seen how you treat others, you have so much kindness in your heart. you want to help others and that’s enough. a grade doesn’t define you or your future. i’m with you because you’re so much more than just a grade. i’m with you because i love you, i love your dreams, i’ve loved watching you work towards them, and i’ll be here to continue supporting you every step of the way.”

his words seem to get through to her and her tears start to dry, “do you really mean it?” her voice is just barely above a whisper.

“every single word, love. i love you more than i can put into words and i think everything about you is beautiful. your passion and spirit and the way you carry yourself. i'm the one who doesn't deserve you, i look up to you so much," he tells her, shifting to sit against the bed next to her.

she laughs, pushing at him playfully, “don’t start turning this around to criticize yourself. here, how about we make a deal: if i deserve you, then you deserve me.”

“deal,” he agrees, grabbing her hand to hold it between his, rubbing it gently, “as long as i get to be with you for the rest of my life.”

she sighs, looking up towards the ceiling, “if that’s what you want.”

“it is,” he tells her, turning her head gently to face him as he presses a kiss to her lips, “i want you more than anything else.”

[schaafdraws]

snapshot 📷

[bokubear]

Haikyuu!! — you’re his kids teacher

❥ including ; ( timeskip! ) atsumu miya, akaashi keiji, tsukishima kei, iwaizumi hajime

❥ genre ; single dad hq boys, fluff, IWAIZUMI, cute awkward dads :((

❥ notes ; i needed to do this.. desperately

Atsumu was excited for his little tike’s first day of kindergarten, having prepared the twin girls’ matching backpacks and pigtails beforehand. But upon dropping them off, his jaw nearly touched the floor. There you stood, smiling and beckoning the families in. And even while he stumbled to even speak coherent sentences, you considerately assured him that, “they’ll be fine I promise.” As if he was hardly functioning because of his daughters. He was, yes, but you. Holy crap. Nonetheless he attended every single parent-teacher meeting dressed a little too-nicely to just be coming to listen to his girl’s grades. Every chance he got he’d slip in a little remark about how ‘stunning you looked today’ or that he could ‘always be a helping hand’ if you needed it. He was down bad. “Since you ask so much, would you like to help out in preparing for our Halloween party Mr. Miya?” The question has Atsumu nearly jumping out of his skin in excitement, along with the cute ‘Mr.’ you added as well. “U-uh sure! Whatever you need.” As I said, down bad.

Akaashi would become ultimately flustered, smiling continuously despite his heart beating a thousand miles per hour. He’d always try his hardest to look on-point, or whatever that would appear like when it came to Akaashi. Of course, his more than intelligent daughter would catch on rather quickly to this playful banter that kept up between the two of you. Exchanging rather confused glances towards her smitten father. And as for that one day? Oh Akaashi couldn’t forget. When he’d walked in for a curriculum chat, hand in hand with his little one. Only for her to pad towards you, grabbing your hand to involuntarily lead you to Akaashi who began stammering apologies for interrupting. However the apology cut short when she spoke, “My daddy likes you! He gets pink cheeks when he talks to you!” She exclaims matter-a-factly, face bursting with pride. Akaashi couldn’t have been more embarrassed. “Is that so?” Your reaction earned a hushed squeak from the humiliated dad. And while the raven-haired individual was drowning in those pink cheeks his daughter had talked about, the tap you landed on his shoulder pulled him back to reality. “Don’t worry, we’ll talk later, okay?” Yep, drowning back into those pink cheeks.

Tsukishima has always been quite straightforward as we know, even when he is indeed charmed by his son’s teacher. Thinking this was inappropriate behavior, he attempted to silence the internal screaming every time he spoke to you. Answering with short replies. You reminded him of Yamaguchi in a way, always so friendly despite having to put up with his cold tone. Although his usuals demeanor vanished when he discovered that you’d come down with a cold and had to stay home from school. So, this led to a trip to the convenience store with his eager little helper on a search for medicine. Thank god he’d kept that card with all your info on it in case of emergency. A knock on your door gripped you from your feverish state, the greeting at the door surprised you—and melted your heart all at the same time. Clad in masks, Tsukishima and a mini copy of him lay fully prepared to take care of you. “I heard you were sick so I thought as a parent-” He began, except you cut him off halfway with a weak, “Thank you.” Pretty eyes filled with stars gazing up at him left the blonde utterly speechless. Nonetheless they did take care of you that evening, laughing at how adamant his son was about reading you a bedtime story, and getting the opportunity to see Tsuki’s soft side. Lucky you.

Iwaizumi honestly shouldn’t be worried about winning you over or getting your attention. If anything, you should be wanting his attention. I mean, the whole package is right there? You have to be blind to not see how attractive this man is. It’d be entertaining at orientation to see all the mothers hawking at this handsome masterpiece. Especially with his heart already belonging to you. He tries denying it, really. Not wanting to make the same mistake and put his somewhat calmed life with his little girl in jeopardy by catching feelings. But on that day he found you comfortably working at a cafe he frequented, he found himself purchasing a coffee and slipping into the extra chair beside you. “Huh..? Oh.. Iwaizumi, didn’t expect to see you here.” Your focus flickered upward to him, casting a small smile. “Working on weekends then?” He tutted, taking a sip from the cardboard cup. It was hard to ignore his muscular hand when he held the coffee cup. And when he stretched. Almost as if he wants you to notice. Or perhaps it could’ve been a misunderstanding. Whatever it was, it worked—and coffee shop dates meet-ups became a bit of a routine for the both of you to catch up. Or maybe something more..?

-maak

plagiarism, repost , and editing is prohibited

[ninapi]

┏━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━┓

For Kimetsu go here

For Jujutsu go here

For Tokyo Rev here

┗━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━┛

❀。• New to this

Akaashi version (Good ending route): Akaashi Keiji falls in love with a single mother and realizes she's all he wants for his life.

Word count: 27,791

☆ch.1 ☆ch.2 ☆ ch.3 ☆ch.4 ☆ch.5 ☆ch.6

☆Bonus chapter (Valentines special)

Osamu version (Happy ending route): Osamu fights for his very own chance at happiness when he is reunited with his first love, the mother of his brother's son.

Word count: 20,044

☆ ch.1 ☆ch.2 ☆ch.3 ☆ch.4 ☆ch.5 ☆ch.6

Atsumu version (True ending route): Atsumu gets another chance to get back the love of his life, the mother of his son, and build the family he was supposed to have.

Word count: 23,240

☆ch.1 ☆ch.2 ☆ch.3 ☆ch.4 ☆ch.5 ☆ch.6

❀。• Save me

The beginning: ☆ch.0

Semi version (Good ending route): Semi never thought he would find love where his insecurities laid deep, he never thought someone so broken could be so full of love, he never thought he needed to feel loved as much, until he met you.

Word Count: 24,248

☆ch.1 ☆ch.2 ☆ch.3 ☆ch.4 ☆ch.5 ☆ch.6

☆Bonus Chapter: Good ending Oikawa version

Ushijima version (Happy ending route): Ushijima struggles to understand the concept of love and what is expected of him in said equation, but he finds himself in the predicament of wanting nothing more than to be with the woman he loves even if it gets in the way of his established lifestyle.

Word Count: 19,837

☆ch.1 ☆ch.2 ☆ch.3 ☆ch.4 ☆ch.5 ☆ch.6

Kageyama version (True ending route): Friendship is a fragile thing. Keeping you safe was his priority for the longest time, but overcoming hardships along someone you hold dear form irreplaceable, indestructible bonds, and a childhood friend can easily become the love of your life; or so that was for Kageyama Tobio.

Word Count: 19,958

☆ch.1 ☆ch.2 ☆ch.3 ☆ch.4 ☆ch.5 ☆ch.6

❀。• Forbidden Forest

Premise: Ancient Japan gets hit by a rare disease coming from the birds. Succumbing to it and fearing for the safety of your bird companion, as a last resort you reach a mythical forest full of ancient shapeshifting creatures. Will you be able to find a cure? Will you be safe in the middle of a forest full of unknown forces? Love is right around the corner and meeting different clans will help you find it.

☆ Ch.0

☆ Tengu Clan Path (Sugawara Koushi):

Staying by your bird friend's side was the most comforting path to follow. Will this one lead to a happy ending? Was this the right choice? Love can weigh you down sometimes, but it's wonderful, nonetheless.

Word count: 5782

☆ Owl Clan Path (Bokuto Koutarou):

The promise of a cure had never been this close, being the wisest of the forest clans, the answer might be around the corner, but what if you didn’t want to leave the forest any longer?

Word count: 4764

☆Bakeneko Clan Path (Kuroo Tetsurou):

The possibility to save humanity presented itself, but you would have to leave the forest to chase this opportunity, something that could end your life. What you didn’t know was that chasing it would also mean find a love like no other, one that was waiting for you on the other side.

Word count: 5582

❀。• Fox Village

Premise: The last option to overcome the illness that holds you was very much uncertain. A place only known to be a myth became your last chance to survive. Welcome to the fox village, a place full of mystical beings, a place to finally call home, a place where love knocks in more than one door at the same time and choosing which to open might as well change your life forever.

☆ Ch.0

❀。• Kita Version (Good Ending Route): The connection he had with his past made Kita want you more than any of the others. He wanted to be like his grandma and she had a human by her side, always. Looking for the village best interest he ends up finding the real meaning of true love.

Word Count: 6296

☆ Ch.1 ☆ Ch.2

❀。• Atsumu Version (Happy Ending, Ver.1): Atsumu had never been interested in others, to his family and the village he was a good for nothing, a heartless fox possessed by an evil spirit that feeds on his compassion. But to you, he was just like everybody else. Having someone to listen to you and be by your side sometimes can make a big difference in who you become and what you accomplish in life, and so it was for Miya Atsumu.

Word count: 6348

☆ Ch.1 ☆ Ch.2

❀。• Suna Version (Happy Ending, Ver.2): Being the first born of the most prominent house in the village, it was a pressing matter for Suna to deliver as future head of his clan. High expectations were set for him which sent him your way, only for him to realize you were all he really needed.

Word Count: 6111

☆ Ch.1 ☆Ch.2

❀。• Osamu Version (True Ending): Fighting his own blood for what he wanted had always been an everyday thing for Osamu, but this time was different, he wouldn't let anyone have you, not even his twin brother. Before you, mating was just a concept of survival for them, but love can change someone to unimaginable lengths.

Word Count: 6186

☆ Ch.1 ☆ Ch.2

❀。• Glitched:

Premise: Suna Rintarou unexpectedly meets the girl of his dreams through an online game and he does his best to find this mysterious girl in the real world and keep her for good.

Word count: 12,514

☆ch.1 ☆ch.2 ☆ch.3 ☆ch.4

❀。• A perfect circle

Premise: When you like the guy who likes the guy that likes you, things get a little out of hand, when a triangle becomes a circle not just one gets hurt. [Yamaguchi/Tsukki]

Word count: in progress…

☆ Ch.1 ☆ Ch.2 ☆ Ch.3 ☆Ch.4 ☆Tsukki’s Ending

....::::**•°✾°•**::::....

[morrimorriarts]

The Reason Why You Love Him

An Akaashi Keiji (Haikyuu) x Reader Oneshot

A one-shot of your relationship with Akaashi - and everything that came with it.

This fic includes: Gender Neutral Reader, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Themes, Mild Cursing, Self-starvation,

Word Count: 11k Words

Enjoy!

THE REASON WHY YOU LOVE HIM

Maybe it's the way he smiled.

When Akashi Keiji smiles, it’s in a soft way - his lips turn up, cheeks rising a little. When he smiles, the people around who see him blushes, for who has ever seen a sight so beautiful?

But when Akaashi Keiji smiles, it’s warm. His mouth curls upwards, his eyes turning to crescents as they smile, too. His lips part to show a bit of his teeth, while gentle pinks seem to bloom at his cheeks. Sometimes, he laughs shortly after, a sound deep from his throat, melodious and comforting.

The first time Akaashi Keiji smiled at you, it was the day you first met.

He sat right next to you, neat and composed as the other students came filing in. It's the first day of school and you thank the heavens the person you are seated with looks gorgeous and smart.

You were the first to speak.

"Hello." Your voice is quiet, almost shy, a part of you is afraid he won't reply. His head rose and he turned to look at you. 

He replied, “Hello.”

You fumble with your greetings and introduction, your own name stumbles out of your lips - there is something about him that has made you a little tongue-tied. When he smiles and gives you his name, your brain is quick to repeat it a second, third, fourth, fifth time. “My name is Akaashi Keiji,” He said, “I hope we get along.”

He smiles. It is the first time you feel your heart skip a beat.

“I’m sure we will.” You respond with a smile.

Maybe it’s his kindness, even if it feels a little limited at times.

Akaashi Keiji knows how to give - all within reason, of course.

He’s the type to lend an eraser or a pencil, but only if it’s the extra.

“Akaashi… can I borrow your pencil?” You asked quietly, leaning to his direction. He looks at you for a brief second, before he turns and opens his pencil case. Soon enough, he’s handing you a pencil, 

And when he handed it towards you, your skin buzzed for a second when the two of you touched, even if it was only for a moment. “I’ll return it after class.” You said, he only nods. When you turn away, there’s a thrum beneath your skin and the pencil lended to you feels like gold.

He’s the type to share his book with you, but makes no move to adjust.

So you move your seat closer to his, peering into his open book as you take note of the lesson. Akaashi is kind enough to wait for you to finish taking notes before turning the page, his own hands working quickly to paste translucent sticky notes along the important details. He has an entire pack of it by his side, scribbling more information on the spaces in between.

Akaashi is kind enough to help you study between classes or to help you clear up confusing lessons.

“Factor them, so you can get rid of some of the components.” Akaashi murmurs, writing on your paper to show you. “Like this.” He said softly, patiently. You nod along as he said, “Okay, now you cancel both the (x+1) on the denominator and numerator.” You follow his instructions, calmed by his patience to teach.

“It’ll be easier for you if you memorize the formulas and such. During the quiz, you’ll probably have no time to keep on doing things manually.” He said.

You laugh sheepishly, “I’ll try… you’ll still help me, right?”

“I can help you study.” He said with finality.

The day of the exam, you lean towards him a little, but before you can even ask for his help, his arm has already covered his answers. He raises an eyebrow at you, which makes you turn back to your own paper.

And yet, when you sulk afterwards, he gives you a small carton of banana milk, though he bumps it on your forehead first before he sets it down.

If not, then maybe it’s his voice.

Because when Akaashi Keiji spoke, he spoke smoothly, he did not stutter nor show signs of doubt. It’s one of the reasons why people like him so much.

You look up at him from your seat, watching him stand as he was called on by the teacher. Akaashi opens his book, beautiful eyes finding where the last reader left off, before he starts to speak. His english is a little heavy, yet flows well as he reads the part of the poem assigned to him.

He distracts you enough that you do not realize when the poem has ended and where your daydreaming began.

Akaashi looks at you, blinking before turning away.

If you weren’t called to read the next part, maybe you would’ve paid more attention and saw how he too, stared as you spoke, soft pink rising up his neck.

And if it’s still not that, then maybe it’s because of his presence alone.

Akaashi sits silently to the side, eating a rice ball as he reads a book. All around you, your friends babble on and on about a new cafe that opened just down the street, a few blocks away from your school.

You’re about to say that you want to go to the aquarium instead, when the others started to gush all about the food that they want to try out in the new cafe. “Are you okay with going to the cafe?” They asked you, simultaneously turning their heads towards your direction.

Your throat constricts a little, as if your heart has jumped to your tongue. It takes you a second before you say, “Yeah… sure.”

“Alright, this Saturday, then!” They grinned. 

They leave soon after the bell rings, leaving you fiddling with your hands, budgeting everything in your mind. You sighed, when you turned back to the side, Akaashi was looking at you. “Oh, sorry. Were we too loud?” You asked.

“Why didn’t you tell them?” He asked.

Your eyebrows furrow, “Tell them what?”

“That you didn’t want to go to the cafe.” He said simply. 

You tense up under his gaze so much that “What?” Is the only thing that you can utter.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear.” He smiled.

You shake your head, “No, no- but… how did you know?”

Akaashi Keiji’s reply is simple, “Your tone was different. When you really agree to something, you sound much happier than that.” When you don’t reply and only stare back, Akaashi blinks before taking it as a sign that the conversation is over. He turns back to his book, finishing his rice ball as he flipped to another page.

A part of you wants to end it at that, but the other, more impulsive part is quick to ask - “Then, would you like to go to the aquarium with me?”

Akaashi stared for a moment, before he smiled and said, “Sure.”

That was what led to this, to walking under glass-kept waters, where above you both, schools of fish swimming away from sharks, the mutterings of other visitors reaching your ears as they talked. 

You try to remember all the fish facts you read up online - maybe it will impress him, maybe it will make him talk more. You go on and on and on. Akaashi only nods along. There is a pang in your heart and you feel your hands tremble.

You try again, you start to ask questions.

“What’s your favorite fish?” You asked, by now, you’ve forgotten that you’re here to look at the animals, not fumble over words as you desperately try to make conversation. Akaashi shrugs - he doesn’t have one.

You try again.

“Have you been to an aquarium before?” Yes.

“When?” When I was 10, I came with my family.

“Did you like it?” Not much.

You spew out questions until you’ve run out of breath trying to get rid of the silence. So you ask a question you don’t like asking.

“I’m sorry, am I annoying you?” You asked. You dread the answer he will give - what if he found you boring, or noisy, or selfish, or a know-it-all, what if he hates you? What if he regrets coming here?

Akaashi responds with a small shake of his head, “You’re not.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to fill the silence-” You said again, you don’t believe that you’re not. Because you’ve heard that before. “I just-” You hate yourself for stuttering, “I just don’t want this to be boring.”

“You don’t have to force yourself to talk.” Akaashi said, blinking seriously and offering you a small smile. “I enjoy your company as is.”

Akaashi walks beside you - he is silent. Yet, for the first time, the silence doesn’t bother you.

And oh. There is comfort in his silence.

Where others’ felt tense and frustrating, Akaashi’s silence felt normal. His presence does not leave with the sound of his voice, no, instead, it only seems to solidify - because Akaashi Keiji doesn’t need to speak to say that he’s there.

The two of you end up in front of a couple stingrays, you can’t help but put your hands against the glass, marveling at the way they glide through the water. One of them swooped upwards and you can’t help but giggle at the seemingly smiling face of the animal. Your eyes followed it as it swam around.

When you turn back to Akaashi, he is smiling. “You finally look happy.” He said.

A dark blush rose from your neck - you don’t know if he knew how his words have affected you, or if he even knows how he sounded but you don’t speak of it. You simply bask in the moment, part of you registers this as a date, but the more rational part of you labeled it as platonic. You decide to ignore them both, instead, you simply walk with him along the lit path of the dark aquarium. All around you are silhouettes of other people, a thousand buzzing voices tuned out by Akaashi’s presence.

He, alone, is enough to draw your attention even as he did nothing to get it.

Soon enough, you stood by the edge of a dolphin show, watching with wonder as trainers guide and instruct three dolphins to play around. You don’t mind the way that the water splashes on your new outfit, nor the noise of the other visitors. Beside you, Akaashi watches, as well.

One of the dolphins practically flies out of the water, making you slap his arm excitedly as you point towards it. Akaashi only chuckles - he doesn’t mind the way that you’re acting, letting you do as you wish.

And when the show is over and the dolphins swim freely, Akaashi is the one who holds you back from touching them when they get close - when you pout at him he only says, “It’s unpredictable.”

You’re quick to get over it, going over instead to a penguin enclosure, where workers come and let you feed the penguins. You’re quick to wear the gloves, throwing fish just a few feet from where you both were, watching in amazement as the penguins waddle and swarm at the food. You look over to grin at him, “Can you take a picture?”

Akaashi nodded, pulling out his phone to capture pictures of you and your antics around the aquarium. Soon, you both end up under glass again, looking up at the fish that swim by.

“Look! It’s a hammerhead shark!” You smiled, watching it swim up above you both.

Suddenly, you feel his hand close over yours, he pulls you away from a group of visitors you were about to collide with. “Ah, sorry.” You smiled sheepishly at them. When they’re gone, you thank Akaashi, who only nodded.

You don’t comment on it when he keeps on holding your hand - why would you?

As you look around and take your own pictures, Akaashi is the one who tugs you in a certain direction to avoid you getting in an accident. Your mind is aware of your surroundings - after the first time, your brain becomes more alert in order to not embarrass yourself and yet, you let him. You let Akaashi hold your hand, directing you where to go even if you knew it.

A part of you warms at the amount of care the simple gesture showed.

The time to leave comes, but instead of parting ways, you let him walk the both of you to a small cafe near the aquarium. You don’t mind that as he does, his hands still keep themselves intertwined with yours

Your skin flushes at each squeeze or tug of his concern.

He squeezes your hand by the crosswalk just as the lights turn red and the cars stop, holding your hand in a hold that is secure, yet comfortable - he didn’t hold your hand like the bruising grip of your parents, or the loose grip of your laughing friends. He held your hand. He held your hand.

He opens the door for you when you get there, letting you sit as he leaves to get your orders. It is then that he leaves your hand unoccupied. And when he went away, you clutch your hand to your chest.

Akaashi Keiji holds your hand once and your heart thrums in his name.

No? His care, then.

After all, it was Akaashi Keiji who cared enough about you to ask where you were when you were absent in school. "Are you okay?" He asked over the phone.

You sniffle, the cold has lessened but the ache in your body remained, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little bit under the weather."

After school hours, you are surprised to see multiple notifications of texts from him. When you open them, you giggle at the sight of photographs of his notes (thoughtfully separated by subject) and a text listing a to-do list of things you need to catch up on. 

You smile and text him, 'Thank you :D'

Your phone dings. He replies, 'You're welcome.'

Still no? Then maybe his passion.

Akaashi Keiji's passion burns silently. It's there, but it doesn't spread like a wildfire. Instead, it's a well-kept flame that never dies.

You step into the gym, looking around curiously.

You sit by the benches, the sight of volleyball and players aren't new but this sight of Akaashi is. Akaashi's gentle hands seem a little more aggressive in court. His eyes seemed a little sharper and calculative as he made quick judgments of who to set to and how to fool the enemy into making a mistake.

You're completely taken by the sight of it.

Akaashi doesn't scream out motivation to his teammates, but his actions are loud enough. You can barely keep yourself seated, the Bento box you spent hours making feel heavier in your hands.

A whistle blows as both teams breathe heavily. Your heart sinks when you see Akaashi's team panting as the other team celebrates.

Akaashi walks off at the same time as the others do.

You're quick to stand and go after him. When you catch up, he's scowling slightly in front of a vending machine, watching the drink drop. It melts away at the first sound of your footsteps.

He turns his head and looks at you when you call out to him. You fumble with your words, "Uhm- thank you for the notes. I, uh, made this for you." You said, extending the Bento Box towards him.

He takes it hesitantly. "You didn't have to."

You respond, "I wanted to."

You walk with him to the cafeteria, where you both sit down to start eating. 

"Are you okay?" You ask. It feels a little awkward.

Akaashi looks at you, "Of course." The tight grip he has on his chopsticks is enough to let you know how he truly felt.

You watch him carefully, trying to see if he liked it.

He doesn't show his emotions obviously but you see the small jump on his eyebrow when he ate the egg rolls you made, or the light, quick purse of his lips when he sees the slightly burnt sausages. "If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it." You said.

Akaashi Keiji stares at you as he puts another sausage in his mouth.

You fiddle with your fingers, that is when he asked, "Did you get hurt while making this?" You look down at your bandaged fingers and quickly hide them under the table.

"No?" You said, flinching when it comes as a question instead of a statement.

Akashi blinks. You relent. "Fine. Yes I did."

He sighed but didn't say anything else.

And yet, before lunch break ended, Akaashi sat by you, changing your sloppily applied bandages with new ones. "You have to disinfect the cuts first before you bandage them." He reminds you, "And next time, be more careful."

When he's done, he places another carton of banana milk into your hands, "Here, it'll make you feel better."

By the time school is over, your eyes wander to see where Akaashi might've gone. You ask around, no one really knows either - this is why you hated Thursdays, because Thursdays meant having only one morning class with Akaashi. You text him, waiting for a reply as your feet continue to wander.

He does not reply.

Finally, you end up by the gym. You jump slightly at the sound of balls hitting the ground. When you step inside, you see Akaashi, standing only a few feet away from the net, setting for people who weren't there.

"Akaashi?"

Your voice breaks his concentration, making him tense. He caught the ball in his hands, looking over to you, asking what you needed.

You asked him, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he replied. A part of you knew that he wasn't.

So you walk in, false confidence draped on your shoulders as you asked, "Do you want help?"

Akaashi is hesitant, but he accepts.

Soon, you are throwing balls in his direction, his body moving almost on autopilot as he keeps on setting again and again and again. By the time you're both done, the sun begins to threaten that it will leave entirely, giving you only minutes of sunlight before the two of you finally make your way out.

"I'll walk you home," he said.

You shake your head. Though the two of you go towards the same initial direction, you know that when you reach the third intersection, you'd have to part. His house is to the left of the third intersection, yours is to the right of the fifth. If he goes to yours, he'd have to walk for thirty minutes more and you knew he was tired. You knew he was slowly burning out.

So you said, "You don't have to."

He replied, "I want to."

You couldn't find it in yourself to say no to that.

The two of you stop by a small shop.

You buy him strawberry milk the same time he bought you banana milk.

So maybe you don't hate Thursdays as much anymore. Because now, Thursdays meant late volleyball with Akaashi, followed by a night walk and banana milk.

Ah. When did you start liking banana milk?

Maybe it's all of the above.

Before you knew it, you only have a year left before college comes so you stand beneath a cherry blossom tree, cursing under your breath because fuck, this is so cliche. 

It’s spring and everything is blooming - everyone is confessing. It feels so stupid to do the same but your heart is thumping like crazy and everything else feels irrelevant. Who cares if it’s cliche? Who cares if it’s been done before? Who cares if it’s obvious?

It’s your feelings and you have the right to do with it as you wish so when Akaashi comes into view, everything melts away. Suddenly, it’s just him and you under a cherry blossom tree.

You know that he knows - after all, how could he not?

And yet, you still spit it out, the words that feel so big on your tongue. “I like you.” You said, screwing your eyes shut as you try to ask your heart to calm down because if not, you might just pass out right then and there. “I like you so much.” You breathe, your lungs stagger and ache as you try to take in oxygen.

Akaashi Keiji replies. “Why?” You open your eyes, it’s then that you see the cards of pinks and glitters tucked crumpled on his pockets, and the plastic bag of chocolates he was holding. Ah. There were those that came before you.

You stammer - you didn’t think of a poem to tell him how much you like him or a beautiful metaphor that illustrates how you feel. “I-” You stumble over your words, “I just- I just like you.”

“When I’m with you, I’m comfortable and I feel accepted and I haven’t felt this way before.” You said, you feel all tongue-tied again, as if each syllable is stuck in your throat and you have to force them out each time. “I love your silence, when I’m with you I don’t feel pressured to be someone I’m not and I… I appreciate the way you treat and care for me.”

Your answer is all over the place, if you knew, you would have memorized an essay that answered him fluently and properly, you would construct a message that had clear points, you wouldn’t stutter or doubt if your message is coming through. If you knew he would ask ‘Why?’, you would have written a thousand words to tell him why you liked him but you didn’t.

So you conjure all the ways you liked him - “I like it when we touch, because your hands feel warm and soft and when you held my hand that day we went to the aquarium, I couldn't help but want you to keep on holding on to me. I’m jealous of all the girls who had the courage to confess to you before me- I envy their strength to look you in the eyes and tell you ‘I like you’ because I’m confessing to you right now but I can’t look you in the eyes because I’m embarrassed and I feel underprepared.” You spoke quickly, looking down on the ground as you gripped the box of homemade cupcakes you baked for him specifically for today.

“I want to give you something better because now I see what the others gave and it’s all so expensive but I- I don’t have enough money to afford that much and I never really had a talent for writing heartfelt letters because they all end up cheesy but I- I wanted to do it for you. So instead, I made you cupcakes! But I don’t think you’ll like them because- because it’s my first time making cupcakes of this flavor because I know you like this but I’ve never made it before but I wanted to make it for you but Akaashi I’m so nervous that I’m speaking the first thing that comes in my mind. So please, if you’re going to reject me, please just reject me already-” You were going to look up to look him in the eyes when he cut you off.

“May I kiss you?” He asked softly.

His words are enough to make your brain short-circuit.

“What?” You asked - you must have heard him wrong.

Akaashi repeats his question, “May I kiss you?”

You stammer - what even is there to say? You respond a little quicker, tongue tripping on words, "Y-yes!"

Akaashi Keiji leans in, you freeze. His hands cupped both sides of your cheeks, you have a second to register how he drops the plastic bag filled with chocolate treats. You have another to panic about whether or not your breath smells good and whether or not you should open your mouth or keep it closed.

Akaashi Keij kisses you under a cherry blossom tree and shit, it's fucking cliche but you love it - because that moment, that fraction in time is strictly just yours and his. It didn't matter that this was probably done before, that multiple students have probably kissed under the same tree… what mattered is that Akaashi Keiji's lips are on your own and your first kiss tastes like chocolates and lip balm.  

Akaashi pulls away, you finally dare to look at him and your heart skips a beat at the sight of his flushed cheeks and the way his breaths seem labored. He is just as breathless as you are.

His hands are still holding your cheeks.

You feel them tremble against your skin.

Before anything else could happen, impulsivity pushes you to pull him in again by the collar of his uniform. Until his lips are flush against yours for the second time because once is not enough.

Your grip on his clothes tighten.

Ah, you're probably going to buy chocolate-flavored lip balm soon.

Maybe it's something entirely different.

Being with Akaashi means a good morning text by the time you wake up and a goodnight text before you sleep. The sight of it is enough to make you kick your feet in the air, heart acting like drums as they beat against your hollowed ribs. 

Being with Akaashi means little study dates in the library, tucked in some corner where no one will interrupt you both. He leaned towards you, voice patient when he said, “Now you have to convert it to moles.” He nods along when you do it correctly, but is quick to correct you when you get it wrong. And in turn, you help him review for tests you knew he could do on his own.

“But I want to do this with you.” He said, when you mention that he can probably review this by himself. Akaashi stares at you. As you stare into his blue eyes, you realize that it’s really easy to fall a little deeper, until you’re neck deep and your heart swells.

You smile. “Okay… let’s continue then.”

You remember that the first time the two of you decided to go on a real, official date, it’s in a botanical garden. The coming of Spring has driven the both of you to visit one. That is what gets you on a train going to Kyoto, your lips curved into a smile as you show him the destination - Kyoto Botanical Garden. You’ve already told him about this, knowing that he would appreciate having the chance to make a loose plan the two of you can follow to make the most of the day.

Akaashi doesn’t say much, he only says that he’s looking forward to it, as well. A part of you is nervous that he’s pretending - ah, maybe this is an elaborate prank and Akaashi Keiji is much more cruel than you think - but before you can overthink it any further, Akaashi clamps his hand on top of yours, intertwining them securely.

You lean on his shoulder.

Akaashi tenses.

Immediately, you move to pull away, only to have his unoccupied hand pat your head, gently guiding it back on his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs softly, “it’s my first time being like this, so I didn’t expect it.”

“Oh… it’s fine.” You smile to yourself, giving his hand a little squeeze.

The world falls silent. You think to yourself, ah, could this get any better?

Akaashi turns and places a soft kiss on top of your head and you think - yes, yes it can.

The two of you arrive at the garden at exactly 11:07 AM. The moment you do, you find a good place to snap a picture of both of your shoes. It’s followed by a selfie near the gates, making you glad that you brought your selfie stick along.

Akaashi steps close to you as the two of you pose for the picture, his hand finding your waist as natural as the leaves falling from nearby trees. And perhaps a part of you falls along with them as you feel his hold. You’re quick to take pictures, walking around and talking with him as you did.

Your feet lead you to the Rhododendron Garden. You feel your breath taken away by the sight of the flowers. You lead him nearer, taking pictures of the pink, red, and orange flowers. Akaashi’s hands are the ones who stop you from touching them.

“They can cause skin irritation.” He says simply.

You turn to him. “How did you know?”

He looks back towards you, “Research.”

A soft chuckle leaves your lips and you tease him, “Wow, I didn’t know you were such a nerd.” You stuck your tongue out to him playfully, making him huff a little. “Was it for an assignment? Or a project?”

“No.” He answered, holding your hands again.

“Then for what?” You smiled.

“For you.” He murmurs. “Plants and flowers are beautiful, yes, but I didn’t want to risk you getting harmed if you accidentally touch or eat one.”

“Eat one?” You asked. “You think I would eat a flower?”

“...yes.” He said, almost slowly as his eyes flicked to the side for a moment before his sight trails back to you. “I simply want to keep you safe and sound-” His explanation is cut off by the sound of your laugh, loud and kind of boisterous. He looked dumbstruck - a part of him had expected you to get offended… a part of him did not realize your laugh sounded this beautiful.

“Fine, whatever.” You chuckle, trying to brush it off and ignore the blush that has risen to your cheeks. “Whatever you say, I guess.” And if you hold his hand a little tighter, Akaashi speaks nothing of it. Instead, he gives your hand a small squeeze.

You venture towards the Rose Gardens, past a section of the Botanical which was fashioned to look European. You bend down a little, taking photographs of the flowers. "They're beautiful." You smile, eyes following the way they sway in the wind.

You don't see the way he looks at you - you are far too distracted by the roses to see it.

He says, "Yes, they are."

His gaze burns.

You end up walking along the central lawn, walking into a homey cafe as Akaashi holds your hand. “Lunch first, then we go to…” You scroll along your phone, where you have a map of the place saved. "The Japanese Gardens, right?”

Akaashi nods as the two of you set down your things. You sit in front of each other, quickly deciding on what you’ll get. Soon, he leaves you to get your orders, you stay seated, waiting patiently. When he gets back, he carefully places your Udon Noodle Soup in front of you, followed by a glass of water. On his side, he places a bowl of Katsudon. Followed by this is a plate of gyoza, which came with a small container for the sauce.

He smiles, “Be sure to eat well.” You can only nod as the two of you start eating, hands gripping your chopsticks securely. Somewhere in the middle, Akaashi catches you giving small glances towards his Katsudon, without hesitation, he picks up a piece and extends his hand out towards you. “It’s tasty, try it.”

You hesitate, before deciding to eat it. You lean in, taking it from his chopsticks and chewing slowly, nodding as he asked if you liked it. Your eyes meet. You are still leaning in a little and as if impulsivity possessed you, you decide to rise a little, meeting his lips with your own - and somehow, his Katsudon tastes a little better when it comes from his lips.

Akaashi chuckles, looking away a little as a soft blush rose from his neck.

The two of you eat quietly after that, stealing glances, sharing portions of your food as the two of you take a quick rest from walking. Deciding to take your time finishing the portion of gyoza left, Akaashi rose from his seat, taking the one beside you, instead. You spend the rest of that time talking softly, laughing and taking cute little pictures. You take a note to make a scrapbook soon - it’s the first time you’ve ever felt like this and every single part of you longs to simply capture this very moment and live in it forever.

The two of you leave soon after, making your way towards the Japanese Gardens.

He holds your hand as you walk, his fingers slotting between your own and you can’t help but wish that moments like these lasted for eternity.

Akaashi walks you home after your date. He leans towards you, gently pushing his lips against yours. When he pulls back, you have to blink multiple times to get back to your proper senses. He gives you a small, transparent box. You look up and take it from his hands, carefully holding the box as you gazed at the potted, succulent plant inside the box.

“I bought it for you while you were away for a bit.” He said, “I hope you take care of it.”

“Of course I will.” You smiled. “Thank you, ‘kaashi.”

Akaashi smiles, kissing you again, just as soft as the last time. “You’re always welcome. Let’s do this again soon.” He said after pulling away. You nodded, making him smile a little wider. “Goodnight.” He said, followed by a sweet, soft murmur of your name - and it was as if each syllable became priceless when he said them.

“Goodnight, Akaashi.” You smile.

He's so easy to love, isn't he?

Akaashi Keiji shares one of his earphones with you while the two of you sit next to each other. The first song he plays is always a love song, followed by whatever song is next on the playlist. You actually have your own playlist with him, titled 'A Dream Come True', each song was the answer to a question, making you chuckle as you began to compare and contrast your tastes in music. It's a bit cliche, but it's true, isn't it?

Akaashi Keiji always makes sure you're prepared for tests - because he knows that sometimes, you run low on motivation. So he brings you an energy drink, maybe a cup of coffee, sometimes even a whole meal. He stays up with you when you study your lessons, helping you out when you need it.

“Here,” he said, quietly as you both sat in your room, “I usually dissuade you from drinking these but I know you need it.” He sighed as he handed you the energy drink. He sits beside you, opening his notebook as he studies beside you again. As you drink, you take it upon yourself to hold his left hand, watching him scribble notes and make neat markings on the book he was reading.

Akaashi simply squeezes your hand lightly as he did, giving you brief glances when you move around before putting his attention back to studying.

Akaashi Keiji cooks with you. When you hit your first anniversary, he took it upon himself to invite you to his house while his family was away. There, the two of you spent the day making ramen from scratch.

He stands beside you as you massaged the dough, cutting up vegetables and pork as you did. Soon enough, you’re splitting the mass of dough, laughing as you both struggled a little to split it evenly. “If you end up with more noodles than me, I’m stealing your bowl.” You laughed, making him shake his head with a smile as he brought the bowl of flour closer.

You both start making sheets made up of the dough, folding and dusting it with flour before beginning to cut it to make noodles. "You're not cutting it evenly." He chuckled, looking up from his own noodles, which you saw were cut evenly.

"Whatever, perfectionist." You roll your eyes, though you do give a little more effort in evenly cutting them.

It doesn’t take long before you’re sitting next to him, assembling your ramen carefully. "Hey! That's my portion!" You gasp, stealing the piece of meat from him and hitting his hand lightly as he laughed. You place it carefully on top of your noodles, smiling as it all comes together.

He places a small container of chili powder near you, "Here, I know you like it spicy."

You smile, leaning in to kiss him briefly. "Thanks, you know me so well." He chuckled, watching you carefully sprinkle in some.

He puts your bowls next to each other, carefully placing chopsticks on top of neatly folded tissues. "Let's take a picture." He murmured. You snap quick pictures - both of the food and of each other - putting it into the gallery collection labeled as '1st Anniversary'. 

You start eating in the living room, opening the television and putting on a movie as you eat together.

He just feels perfect, doesn’t he?

It's been four years since then, college has come, and it threatens to split you apart.

"I can't this week," he said - how many times has it been?

You purse your lips, hand tightening your grip on the phone, "Again?" The question slips out of your lips like the falling of droplets. Small. Quick. Almost unheard. "You promised you'd come with me this time." A part of you is quick to give up - the Museum will open up again, don’t worry, don't worry - but the rest is starting to scurry away from him and your hands have started to ache as you hold onto strings that kept you together.

"I'm sorry," how many times have you heard that before?, "But this is a very important project, I can't risk passing it late."

More important than me? You almost bit back, more important than our 4th anniversary? You do not say it. You cannot. So you keep your true thoughts locked in the darkness of your mind and you say to him, "Yeah. Okay. Sure. We'll reschedule, then?"

"Yes, I'm really sorry-" you cut him off before he can speak your name, you knew that if he did, you would crumble and break and from the way you see it, Akaashi cannot risk being distracted by anything… by anyone.

It is the first time you ever missed an anniversary.

"It's okay." You said. You grip the phone a little tighter. You stare almost blankly at your computer screen. The phone call ends before you realize - you both do not say I love you anymore, the phrase has gone foreign on your tongue, like an unknown language you hear for the first time. And even your ears, which used to translate his playlists to that phrase; or your skin which used to shiver and recognize his touch as his way of saying it; or your lips which smile at the taste of his unspoken words - they neither hear, feel, nor taste it anymore. 

You place your phone away from sight. You do not wish to see it.

A vain feeling of burning grief rises from the embers of a broken heart - it threatens to choke you and leave your throat bruised and burnt from its touch. You almost want to beg for it to do so. You have a feeling that it would feel much better than this.

Loneliness. Your mind labeled the feeling - the emotion born from being alone; the feeling of being abandoned.

Your eyes trail to your computer screen. There, the sight of him makes your gut curl and tie in knots, the Akaashi you knew from two years ago smiles at you. The dimple on his cheek stays the same, so does the ruffle of his dark hair and the clearness of his blue eyes - the Akaashi you knew has gone static. 

Akaashi is smiling, wearing the outfit he wore during one of your dates in an art gallery - a simple, beige cardigan and loose pants, his glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. The sight of him from your computer screen looked so real it coaxes tears out of your eyes. Your dislike of drawing realism is dwarfed when it is him you draw. For how can it ever go against the love you have for him which always seems to overflow onto the spaces of your hollowed ribs?

It has been too long since you last saw each other and clumsy phone calls between classes or before you both go to sleep is not enough.

It is as if life has stolen him from you and dangles his image far from your reach yet close to your eyes - you see him in the darkness behind your eyelids, there, he has the chance to let you lay your head on his shoulder, the taste of banana milk sweet on your tongues, his hand holds yours and you are warm. So warm that you melt into his arms but now, in the cold and in the darkness of your dorm room, you are running a fever and your soul, which yearns for him screams his name but he does not respond in kind.

Instead, he says I'm sorry.

Oh how you've begun to despise that phrase.

You are left there on your bed, curled and crying and despising your reaction because at this point, you should have gotten used to it.

How many times has he left you like this, unknowing that it was a time you needed him most?

But then again… what did you expect?

The two of you have aged, you do not live just thirty minutes away anymore, instead, he lives two cities over, attending his dream college as you attend yours. You both chose this, saying that it will work, saying that you will make it work - but that did not last long.

Somewhere near the end of first year, your weekend dates have been forgotten; by the second, even scheduled dates are canceled and rescheduled, only to get canceled again. Now here, on your third, phone calls are filled with I miss you yet followed by I'm sorry. A part of you hates him for saying that, yet hates you more for sometimes doing the same.

It is as if life is determined to keep you apart, the same way fate strung you together, making you live half an hour apart from childhood to your teenage years yet never letting you meet until highschool - but ah. What if you two were never truly built to last?

Your nails dig into your skin, threatening to break into it and make you bleed. How many times have you done this to yourself? Hugging your knees to your chest, asking where it went wrong. You both tried didn't you? You both wanted this to work, didn't you?

Oh. What if everything is going wrong because you are the only one who wants this now?

You think. You think. You think.

What if, behind the closed phone screen, after the hung up calls and quick goodbyes, someone else wraps their arms around his shoulders like you used to. And it is them that whisper comfort in his ears and what if he is only waiting for the right way, for the right time to end it?

What if, when he says “I’m sorry”, he is only waiting for you to realize the silent goodbyes that follow that phrase?

Akaashi wouldn't do that to you… right?

You bite your lip, a part of you tries to pull you back but it cannot. You sink. In this falling, there is only darkness - you cannot envision Akaashi to be there to catch you, why hope that he will when you know that he is not there?

But you trust him, don't you?

And you love him, don't you?

You feel paralyzed on your bed, unable to move and unable to think of things other than the fact that he is not there. You felt as if you were going crazy.

Your roommates have come and go to tell you to eat, but your lips only move to give a half-hearted excuse that you aren’t hungry yet - in truth, you have no appetite at all, even as your stomach churns and eats itself from the inside. 

There’s a knock on your door. A part of you wishes it is him. The rest know it’s not.

It’s your roommate, they tell you that you should eat soon, it's late and you shouldn't skip dinner. "I know you're on a diet," they said, "but you haven't eaten properly in weeks. I don't want you to get sick, okay? Please eat dinner soon."

"I will." You respond - you will not. You hear their footsteps retreat, making you close your eyes as you try to fall back asleep.

But really, why do you love him?

You wake to the sound of knocking. Someone asks if they can come in. You grumble and say whatever comes into mind - "Leave me alone, go away." They knock again and apologize, and finally you relent - "Fine, come in, whatever." You huddle a little closer to your blankets, curling up as you hear the door open and their footsteps are heard as they walk in.

They close the door. You hear a soft click as they lock it.

They sit on your bed, you feel it dip under their weight. At this point, you can't find it in yourself to care if they end up being a serial killer or whatever - a thought that you'd probably regret in the afterlife, if ever.

They brush a hand through your hair, before you hear a sigh. They lift your blanket, settling beside you and putting a loose arm around your waist. They kiss your hair and come a little closer.

They utter your name and ask if you're asleep - you cannot find it in yourself to reply. So you pretend. You act like you're asleep, even if you knew that they probably know you aren't.

He doesn't tell you that he loves you.

When you truly wake hours later, it's near the afternoon, you sit up and feel their arm fall from its place on your waist. You look to the side and see him right there - Akaashi Keiji, warm and asleep as he breathed softly.

"So it wasn't a dream." You mumble to yourself. "You're really here."

You can't help but reach out to touch him. Your touch alone is enough to stir him awake, his eyes fluttering open and immediately focusing on you. His soft utterance of your name is enough to make you draw back. Just hours before, you had so much to say, but now that he was here, your parched throat could not bear to say anything.

“What happened?” He asked, getting up from the bed and holding your hand gently. “I hear you haven’t eaten properly in weeks.”

You sigh and shake your head, "It's nothing. It's late, Akaashi, you should get back to your dorm."

Akaashi shakes his head, looping his hand around your wrist and pulling you back. "Wait! I… I wanted to talk." He said. "About us."

Ah. Here it is. 

The thing you have been dreading - the coiled dread in your gut wakes, slithering up your spine until it curls around your lungs and heart. "What is it?" You ask.

"Why don't we go to the living room? I'll cook you up a meal as we talk." He said.

"Not here. The others-"

"I asked for a favor. They're out right now. For the entire day." He said. "I know you like privacy and I didn't really think you would be up for going out."

You nod hesitantly. "Fine. Let's get this over with."

You sit on the chair in front of the counter, he grabs the apron from the rack and begins to talk as he opens the refrigerator. "Is Omurice okay with you?"

"Yes but- actually, they cooked last night, there's probably still some leftovers from dinner. I can just eat that." You said, rising from your seat as the ache in your bones started to come back.

"Sit down," he said - it's the first time you've ever heard him sound so forceful. "Please… just… sit down, okay?" He turns towards you and smiles, "Let me take care of you."

He doesn't buy you your favorite meals.

He grabs a chopping board as he takes out the ingredients, along with the leftover pork chops from last night. He heats it up as he begins to chop portions of carrots and potatoes. "I'm not sure where to begin," he said.

"You're doing just fine- after that you just have to make fried rice then-" Your rambles are cut off.

"You know that that's not what I meant." He sighed.

"Well maybe I don't want to talk about it." You said, "Maybe I'm not ready to let you go- Akaashi, we've been together for four years, I'm not going to let you leave me like this." You look down, trying to hide the tears forming in your eyes.

"Leave you?" He asked. "Why would I leave you?"

You look up, "Is that… not what you're here for?"

Akaashi blinks at you, opening his mouth as he tries to conjure the right words, "I'm not- I didn't come here to break up with you."

You sat up a little straighter, the tears in your eyes backtracking and retreating back into their ducts. "Then what are you here for?"

"To apologize." He said, "And to talk about what we want to do next - if anything, I've been anxious you'll break up with me." He turned back to the vegetables he was cutting, his eyes blinking rapidly as he tried to blink the forming tears away. And perhaps he is just as heart broken as you have been.

"I couldn't come yesterday because of the project so I wanted to make it up to you today. Then I heard you weren't eating well so I came late into the night yesterday as soon as I finished the project but well… you were already resting, I think." He said, "I'm sorry that I slept next to you last night, I know I didn't ask for your permission. I just- I just couldn't help it, I guess."

He chuckles. You watch him mess up a little as he wiped at his forehead - he's nervous. You've never seen him act like this before. He opens the stove and adds a slab of butter into a pan, letting it heat up for a bit before he adds cooked rice. It's followed by the vegetables he cut up. As he cooked, he said, "I wanted to make it up to you. Everything that I've been lacking and missing-"

"It wasn't your fault." Your mouth is quick to say it, even as your insides churn in glee as he begins to apologize.

"It was." He said, "I should've made some time for us, like you were doing. I'm sorry that I've been selfish for the past few months."

"You were chasing your dreams - who was I to stop you?" You asked.

He says your name. Softly. Gently. As if your name will break on his tongue if he says it any differently. "It's okay," he said, "I already know my faults. And besides… I don't want you to think there's something wrong with you or that I've fallen out of love with you or anything like that because I haven't."

He plates the fried rice, setting it on the counter. He breaks two eggs into a bowl, adding a little salt before beating it. 

What passes is a moment of silence. You watch, eyes trained on the fact that he is here - how many nights have you lain awake, wishing for the stars to bring him back to you?

You look down, there is a voice in your head that says you should break up with him - make him feel as desperate as you did, it said, hurt him as he has hurt you. And yet, you don't. Perhaps you love him too much to do so.

Sometimes love is letting go, the voice said, it questions you, what makes you think he won't just neglect you again? You are as expendable as the eggshells he broke and got rid off moments ago, what makes you think he will keep on loving you as he used to?

You play with your hands, heart beating a little quicker and harsher against the bones of your ribs. What if he finds someone else? It will hurt more if you continue, just leave now - that way it will hurt once then never again.

Do not tell me that he's worth it - do you even know if he still finds worth in you?

"I know I'm pretty late but if it's okay with you… do you think that maybe we could try again? I promise that I'll be better this time." He said, setting down the plate of food in front of you, freshly cooked, and looking delicious yet your stomach tightens and churns at the sight of it - perhaps it is not food you hungered for.

He unties his apron, hooking it on the rack again as he goes around the counter to step closer towards you. He speaks your name but his voice is muffled by your own heartbeat and suddenly, you feel frozen as you say on that seat. Doubt creeps and breathes onto your neck, raising goosebumps and fear of being left - Akaashi speaks your name again but the tremble of your heartbeat does not cease. In fact, it grows louder.

It is the first time you felt alone even while in his presence.

He will find someone to replace you, the voices said, look at him. Top of his class and soon to graduate, blessed with good looks and a nice voice - men and women will flock to him, do you think you'll stand a chance?

But he loves me, you think to yourself, Akaashi loves me.

But does he? Tell me. Does he really?

Your hands clench against each other, almost threatening to break your knuckles until Akaashi's hand covers your own. Your hold on yourself loosens a little. His hands move. The chair scrapes against the floor. Suddenly, his arms are around you.

"It's okay." He murmured, kissing the top of your head, "I'm right here. I'm not going to leave." It was as if he knew what was going on inside your head, as if he heard what doubt and anxiety had whispered into your ears. "It's okay, I've got you. Cry if you need to, I'll stay as long as you need me to."

The tears come like the makings of a waterfall, dripping from your eyes and down along your cheeks leaving tear tracks on your skin. 

"I'm sorry," you said, "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I'm crying I just-" Akaashi shakes his head, wiping at your tears as he gives you a small, worried smile.

"It's okay," he said, giving your temple a soft kiss, "It's going to be alright." He rubs your back as you let your tears fall. "I'm sorry, my dear," he murmurs, holding you a little tighter, "I didn't mean to make you feel abandoned."

You cling to him a little tighter, there is a silence in your head that threatens to break as soon as you unhold him so you let yourself unravel instead - perhaps, you will find solace in the sound of your own breaking. You spend what seemed to be a thousand years right there in his arms, but even that is not enough to fill your heart's chasm. 

Your hands feel weak even as they grip him tightly, you cannot help but cry as he carefully rubs your back. He treats you as if you would shatter right there in his hold should he touch you too roughly. You don’t know whether to hate or thank him for it.

After some time, you are able to tear yourself away from him, sniffling as you finally settle and slumped down on your seat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you with all of this.” You said.

Akaashi shook his head, gently placing a kiss on your tired knuckles again. “It’s fine, dear. It wasn’t your fault.” He smiles lightly against your skin, “Why don’t you eat for now? You’re probably still quite tired, so we can rest for a bit before talking about this again.”

You give him seconds of silence before you say, “Okay.”

He hands you the cutlery, watching with a soft smile on his face as he sees you smile slightly as you break the egg on top, watching the half-cooked yolk run along the fried rice. You give him a look, before pushing him lightly towards the container holding the cutleries. “Eat with me.” You say, “I won’t be able to finish it all.”

You pierce the heated piece of porkchop, bringing it to his lips as you say, “You need food, too.”

Akaashi sighs, before he eats it and gets his own spoon and fork. “As long as you eat well, as well.” He said, watching you eat a spoonful before he eats, too. He sits right next to you, silently eating, yet somehow making sure that you ate more than him.

“Let’s go out. On a date, I mean.” You said - impulsive and sudden.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Yeah. We can drop by your dorm so you can change, then we can visit the park or something.”

Afterwards there is silence as you take a quick shower while he washed the dishes, but as you stand under the water, the soft warmth is not enough to comfort you. As soon as you are out of his reach, the whispering voices come back. He’s lying, it said, like the others did. You feel tears swell up from their coves again, your fingers twiddling with each other as you watch the soap suds get washed away by the running water.

He will leave when the time comes, maybe when you’re angry or while you argue, they say, so that he’s not the bad guy. Your hands claw at your arms again - ah, you should leave the shower soon. You should, you should. Yet your legs do not move. You feel stuck as the whispers turn to statements - he will leave again, until you understand what his leaving means and break it off with him. He doesn’t say it but he wants to be free of you.

So you ask yourself - what can you do to make him stay?

How can you convince him to stay? 

You look down at yourself, trying to ignore the forming lump in your throat.

Your throat constricts, you do not have words left to say other than your woes and you’re sure it will only push him away. What if he really leaves?

But what else is there to give?

A knock on the bathroom door snaps you away from falling deep into those thoughts again. Akaashi spoke your name before he said, “You should step out soon, you might get sick if you stay there for too long.”

You say that you’ll step out soon but your mind is still trying to think of something - of anything - that might convince him to stay. It was as if your mind had forgotten the words he uttered of not wanting to leave you, perhaps you have been feeling lonely for too long that you have begun to cling to a person who will not leave you.

Or perhaps you just don’t believe him and his words anymore.

You wrap a towel around yourself, holding it against your body as you step out. You open your closet, putting on your clothes and buttoning up your shirt only to hear your door open. Akaashi curses loudly as he fumbles with the doorknob, and as you turn to look at him, you see the way his eyes are cast downwards, cheeks flushed red and his hands trembling a little from the panic. You didn’t hear what he wanted to say - nor can you find it in yourself to care.

This.

You stride towards him, holding his wrists and you say, softly, “Don’t go.”

He hesitated in answering and you can’t help but pull him into your room, locking the door behind the two of you as you basically crowd him onto the bed. He falls on the mattress, settling to sit against the headboard, as if he wanted to run from you. You begin unbuttoning your clothes, letting it fall to your elbows as you shrug it off.

Perhaps if you can make him happy now, he will stay with you forever.

You see his flushed face as he tries to keep on looking away and you say - almost a demand - “Look at me, Keiji.” His blue eyes flicker towards you, blinking quickly as you step closer, crawling into bed and trapping him between your limbs. His breaths come quick and heavy - nervous and unsure.

You settle on his lap, hands moving upwards to thumb at the edges of his clothes.

You ask, “May I?”

He doesn't even let you do what you want.

He answered, soft sighed as he spoke, “No.”

“Oh.” You say softly. He doesn’t want you. “You don’t want me.” You look away. Your hands fall, but before they could fall onto your lap, his own hands have caught them and brought them to his lips.

“I do, my dear,” He murmurs, “Trust me when I say that I do want you.” His blue eyes look up at you, “But not like this.”

“Then how do you want me?” You asked, sounding hopeful - yet for the wrong thing.

Akaashi looks up at you, thumbing and grazing his touch along the edges of your eyes. “When you’re okay, then we can do this.” He said, “But not when you’re like this… not when we are like this. I don’t want our first to be so unromantic and sad.” He offers you a soft smile, “Why don’t we just watch a movie? Or would you prefer a short nap? We can cuddle, if you’d like.”

“But this is the only thing I haven’t given yet.” You say.

Akaashi makes you look at him, “You don’t need to. I will love you regardless.”

Ah. It is the first time you ever heard him say that, isn’t it?

You can’t stop the tears that fall from your eyes and you raise your hands to sob onto your palms as you feel your soul tremble at the mere utterance of how he loves you. He loves you. Akaashi Keiji loves you.

His gentle hands pry your hands away from your face, chuckling as he leans up to kiss your tears away. You sniffle - you don’t understand why you’re crying so much but at this point, does it even matter?

At some point, he has maneuvered you to lay on top of him, his arms wrapped around your waist as your hands grip at his clothes. Your legs are tangled with each other's, your ear against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

So… why?

"You won't leave me?" You ask.

His hands move to comb his fingers through your hair. He answers you, "Never."

"Are you sure? What if you find someone better?" You ask again. You close your eyes, exhausted from this day alone.

"That's impossible," he said simply, "There's no one in this world that equals you." He says it so seriously that you can't even remember what your doubts have whispered just an hour before.

"I love you." You say.

He responded, "I love you too."

Why him, of all people?

Years later and he kisses you at the altar, his hands cupping your cheeks as your lips meet for the billionth time.

He tastes as sweet as the first time.

In the after party, he holds your hand securely, intertwining your fingers and kissing you periodically. You giggle at this - it's one of the few times he was ever like this.

"You must've missed me a hundred times today." You say softly as you get ready for your honeymoon.

"I'll kiss you a hundred more tonight." He whispers back, smiling as you blush and push him away slightly.

"You're being stupid, Akaashi." You roll your eyes.

"Just for you, Akaashi." He winks, pulling away from you as he watches you blush a little deeper.

But then again, maybe the point isn't why but the fact that you do.

"Akana! Right here, c'mon!" You grin, clapping your hands as you cheer for your little daughter. Keiji is crouched down, bracing to catch her if she falls. Hikaru is standing on wobbly legs, holding onto your arms as he watches his twin sister take her first steps.

You hear the small patting of her feet against the hardwood floor. 

Finally, she reaches you just fine, her small hands clasping on your own as she smiles. You give her a big hug, grinning as Hikaru joins in. You carry Akana to the couch, your husband following suit as he carries Hikaru.

"They're growing up too quickly." You sniffle, bouncing Akana on your leg as Keiji sits beside you, letting Hikaru cling to him as he replies with a low chuckle. "What? You don't think they're growing quickly?"

"They're still toddlers. And besides, they'll probably stay with us until they're 18, calm down." He smiled, "Don't worry, you have a lot of time with them."

He leans forward and kisses your forehead. He pulls away, beginning to play with Hikaru as he smiles.

You watch him as you hold your daughter.

So this is what love is.

[thewater]

just read “In Another Life” for the first time, and let me just say, ao3 user LittleLuxray, count your fucking days i’m still crying what the hell. that was so heart wrenching. how could you do that to me in only 23,000 words. i didn’t think it was going to get me like that. but it did. fucking hell. bokuto’s my favourite too. my poor boy :(

[peehall]

not rlly a layout but its fine

theme: bokuto and akaashi matching pfps!!

yall have no idea how much i loveeeee bokuaka

fun fact she actually wrote this song abt them she told me herself!!

art is by shiupiku!!

[mrs-kodzuken]

Forgive me if I jump too? ♡

Pairing: Kōtarō Bokuto x fem!reader x Keiji Akaashi

WC: 2.3k

Genre: angst to slight fluff (comfort)

CW: 3rd pov omniscient, fem!reader, switches to 1st fem!pov nearing end, poly relationship, suicide, suicidal thoughts, death, blood (kinda descriptive) angst to semi fluff (comfort) at the end

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The day felt as if it wasn't ever going to end for (Y/n). She trudged her way home, feeling more numb than usual.

She promised herself that it wasn't going to be today, that she could continue being 'happy'.

But hell, she didn't even know what being happy felt like anymore. Her two special boys came to mind, and no matter how much she tried, she couldn't shake the feeling.

Regret.

(Y/n) tried so hard to be strong, to live, and to actually be happy. However, it seems as if the world didn't care.

She looked up at the moon from her bedroom window. The stars shone so brightly, as if they knew what she was going to do that night.

A small, horrific smile graced her lips as she thought of the peace she'd feel when she was gone.

Opening her window, she could feel the breeze dancing through her hair. She wanted to feel that again, and even though it was late—practically almost three in the morning—she climbed out of her window.

When she took her bike, the one she used to ride so much, memories filled her head as she peddled down the road.

She knew exactly where she wanted—no, needed—to go.

(Y/n)'s heavy breathing filled the cold air around her, pinching her lungs. She calmly walked up the staircase of the abandoned building.

With each step she took, she felt more and more at peace. It was as if she could just float up them.

When she reached the top, she pulled out her phone.

The electronic light lit up, giving her a view of her wallpaper. It was between her lovers and her; they had gotten ice cream on that hot summer day.

Kōtarō had accidentally dropped his, making Keiji share, only because he wanted to.

She immediately started a call with the two of them. wanting to hear their voices once more. Just once.

Keiji had heard the noisy mobile device wake him from his slumber. The caller ID showing 'my owls', he instantly picked it up.

"Hello? (Y/n), Kō, what are you two doing up?" Keiji's groggy voice filled the air.

"I wasn't up," Kōtarō finally said sluggishly, not wanting to be scolded this late.

"Sorry, I couldn't sleep." (Y/n) lied straight through her teeth to her boyfriends.

"Do you need us to come over? Is something wrong?" Bokuto's voice perked up.

"No, no, I just wanted to hear your voices one last time."

Those words grabbed Akaashi's attention, making him get a hold of his senses.

"(Y/n), what do you mean by that? Where are you?" He got up in a rush, grabbing a hoodie and shoes shoving them on quickly.

"Our roof top, ours, but it doesn't matter. Not anymore. Just know that I love you both so much." She could feel the tears welling in her eyes and the lump in her throat growing making her voice sound funny.

Bokuto had already woken his parents up to try and get to (Y/n) before it was too late.

"(Y/n), baby, please stay on the line, please." The desperation and begging in Bokuto's voice grew with every word.

"I'm so sorry, but you know that I will cherish everything we have." She sniffed, her voice breaking in the most saddening way.

"What about always and forever?" Akaashi had already stormed out of the house, running frantically to where she was. He needed to stall her.

His throat was burning, but he refused to cry; he wanted to believe they could save her.

"Sadly, always and forever, I will not be in this life. but I hope to meet you both in our next one." She moved her feet closer to the edge.

Looking up, she saw the night sky twinkling so brightly.

"I love you so much, Keiji, Kōtarō. Take care of one another, would you please?"

Bokuto had been yelling for her to stop her movements and for the car to go faster.

Akaashi slowed his steps, breathless. He begged her to stay over the phone.

A small 'I love you' escaped her lips before she backed away, getting a running head start.

She flew off of the building like an angel, her phone still with her. The air surrounding her sounded like whispers, giving her chills on her way down.

Her body hit the pavement and a loud, sickening sound erupted from the phone. Blood almost immediately seeping out of her delicate skull.

The grotesque sound was the last noise from the other end of the phone call before it was ended when it landed.

The pain radiated through Keiji as he was on his knees, tears flowing down his cheeks as he painfully let out a scream.

Bokuto refused to believe that she was dead; he wanted to marry her, and Keiji said that it would happen one day. She had to be alive. She had to.

His eyes filled with tears as his heart felt like it was ripped out of his chest.

'This isn't fair.' Both of the boys thought heartbreakingly. It was unfair.

As the late car neared the building, the headlights shone on her body. It was now lifeless and covered in blood, her neck bent in a weird shape.

Gasps were heard from Kō's parents.

Bokuto ran out of the car, almost instantly taking her dead, mis-shaped body into his arms.

"Please come back, please come back," he whispered over and over, cradling her bloody, lifeless body to his.

Bokuto's mother gasped again, sharply, at the state of his girlfriend. She immediately called an ambulance; however, it was too late.

Her blood had seeped into his clothes, making the crime scene look even worse.

Keiji finally had the strength to continue his saddened walk, pushing himself off the ground.

His sniffling came about in the cold air. He neared the building, seeing Bokuto cradling her body.

As he walked closer, the harsh pain in his throat grew, and the empty pit in his abdomen was increasing.

Keiji crouched down once again, his head in his hands.

He started blaming himself, thinking he should have kept a better eye on her. She would still be here if he had.

"Kōtarō, sweetie, please let go.." His mother hiccuped, not wanting to finish the sentence.

Meanwhile, his father had been on the phone with Akaashi's parents, (Y/n)'s parents, and the hospital.

"No, I can't," his voice, now rough, cried out, clenching her body to his.

The remembrance of her last words had been running through both of their minds.

A loud siren sounded, flashing lights of blue and red coming closer to the horrific scene.

It's been a week since (Y/n) (L/n) committed suicide. The skies have been covered in a dreary rain since then, and the mood was damper too.

The walls of the Fukurodani Academy were almost silent. However, no one had been affected the most by her death except for two people: Keiji Akaashi and Kōtarō Bokuto.

A week full of despair was what it was.

Once again, the sky clouded over, preparing itself for the heavy amount of rain it was going to release once again.

The boys had hardly shown up to school that week, much less practice. Being in each other's embrace without (Y/n) was too much. Too heartbreaking. Too sickening.

While it was the end of the school day, Akaashi had sat on the steps of the school when everyone left.

An empty feeling inside of him became impossibly stronger—numbness.

He was overwhelmed by his anxiety and fear most of the time. Due to his life without (Y/n) he didn't care about his future nor his grades.

She was his future, and now she was gone.

He just couldn't take it anymore. Keiji had unknowingly walked to the building where she once stood.

Letting the cold, shivering rain wash over him, trying to soothe him.

He finally let it out a long, painful scream sounded through the air and the harsh rain. He started releasing his tears, sobbing loudly, it being covered by the rain.

Pulling out his phone, he texted his last living lover. It was simple: I love you. It would do the job.

Unknowingly, Bokuto had been visiting the building every day because it was the last place you were.

He needed you like he needed air.

While he walked up the stairs, he got a ping from his messages. Not seeing the double meaning behind Keiji's text, he replied.

A horrible, sinking feeling filled him.

He opened the door to see Akaashi fall from the edge of the building. His eyes widened, reaching out to him, but he was too far away.

Kōtarō held his hand near his chest, putting his head down. It was as if electricity had struck him.

It wasn't fair.

He had lost both of his love ones in a span of two weeks. It wasn't fair; he put his hand in his hands.

"Will you forgive me if I jump too?" He said this to them, hoping that they'd heard him from wherever they were.

The sudden realization sparked in his brain: if he goes, he'll see them.

He yearned for them—their life, their touch, their happiness. For them.

Kōtarō walked and looked down at his lovers body. the rain flooding his body making the blood it stream downward. It was a mess, a horrible mess.

Flashbacks of the same thing happening to (Y/n) surfaced his mind. He swallowed harshly, letting his tears mix in with the rain.

Hair flat against his forehead, he decided not to think about it anymore.

He slowly turned around, putting his arms up. Bokuto wasn't thinking of anyone else; there wasn't anyone in the world he would want more than them.

"See you soon."

Kōtarō fell backwards from the building, his heart racing. It all seemed surreal; peacefulness wrapped around him as he plummeted downward.

His body lay close to one of his lovers on the black pavement. A loss of three lives.

An entire new feeling took over his senses. He opened his eyes to see no rain but two people.

They had watery eyes, holding each other's hands, one out for him to take.

Koutarou rushed into their arms, the embrace of his partners relaxing him.

No words were spoken except "Always and forever, right?"

I felt peace surround me, as if all my worries were taken away.

Accessing the situation in front of me, my body lying in a disgusting manner. I mentally gagged; I did look horrible when I fell.

I watched my lovers arrive at the scene, but when I saw them, a dreadful feeling came about.

One week.

Their deaths are in one week; I'm not sure how or why, but I knew. It was more than a feeling, and I hated it.

I had been watching them this entire time; I even went to my own funeral, which was kind of a power move in my opinion.

My partner's tears weren't something I liked to see, though. The days of school that they skipped, the lack of practice.

I didn't mean to cause them any pain; I just wanted to be selfish for once in my life.

I hoped that they'd be strong together, so they wouldn't die yet. However, every time they did see each other, they would burst into tears almost immediately.

Sighing, I sat beside Akaashi, his head in his hands, while he sat on the school steps.

I watched the tears roll down his pretty face, looking away because I knew I couldn't do anything to help him.

He picked himself up, leaving his school bag on the steps. I followed him to the building where I had committed suicide a week ago.

Hearing him break down broke my heart. I'm sure no one wants to see their significant other painfully cry like this.

Knowing what was about to come, I headed down the steps. I wanted to meet him there.

I froze when I saw Kōtarō; he was on his phone, which lit up his face. His eyes were a bit red, and I could see the flushed aftermarks from his tears.

Peeking over his shoulder as I heard his phone ping; it was a text from Akaashi. It stated a simple, 'I love you.'

My eyes widened as I booked it around the building.

When I came around, I saw Keiji's body fall off the building. It almost looked as if he was smiling.

I quickly tore my eyes away from him as his body cracked on the ground.

Looking around, I was met by a frantic-looking Keiji.

Running up to him, I embraced him in a longing hug. Tears pricking my eyes because I was met with him once again, but he had died. He died because of me.

"Keiji," I said, burying my head into his chest as he squeezed my body close to his.

"I missed you so much." He cupped my face, salty tears running down his face.

"I missed you more." I paused, hearing Bokuto say something from the top of the building.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Kō; he's coming." I buried my head in his chest once again, not wanting to see his death either.

When I was sure he had fallen, after I got over the horrible noise his body made when colliding with the ground, I peeked my eyes open, seeing him.

He engulfed us both in a hug as I felt our bodies trembling at each other's.

"Always and forever, right?" I heard Bokuto say, his voice muffled.

"Always and forever," Akaashi and I whispered back.

Now I knew why I hadn't moved on when I died. I was waiting for them. But now that they're here, we could all finally start a better life together in the afterlife.

Cherishing each other's boundless souls.

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a/n: this is from my book “Haikyuu x Reader One Shots” on Wattpad! I hope you enjoyed it you angsty readers and let me know if you have any requests!!

the header is made by me, please like/reblog if used <3