#album digest

[araisbored]

L'automne

Oh this is bad. 2 consecutive posts about NIKI, har har. 

In my last post, I said that I hadn’t decided what would be my last song for my Top 5 song from Niki’s album, NICOLE. I’ve also made known on that post that I didn’t like the album that much. But lo and behold, I was wrong. You see, right after I made that post. I immediately got hooked and thought I made a decision about which track would fit on that missing spot.  It turns out to be the most relatable song as of the moment which makes another hoo-ha moment that I think it might also make it to my best Niki song list of all time. And I wanna digest the lyrics of it. (Even though it was pretty self-explanatory if you ask me. I just want to make it legit by writing a post about it.)

If you don’t speak French (like me) then you probably won't get the jazz of the title. And if you do speak the lovely language, then you probably know what the song is about. It’s Autumn, the 9th track of the album. When I heard it first, I hated it. It started weirdly for me, but I guess I’m just not in an analytic mode for me to appreciate such a masterpiece. I talked about it like it was such a complicated song, where in fact it explains itself while listening to it. It wasn’t really complicated. It was late to the entry because it was a ME problem. So to apologize for this track, which turns out to be the most intimate to me. I will make a single post dedicated to her dissecting each verse and hugging each word on it. I believe she was a she (the song). And yes, I do apologize to inanimate objects. Also this post is inspired by this post. The OP did a really good digest of the song. So I decided to totally ripped OP off. Hehehe. Let’s get on with it.

“I carved my name into your ribcage

We talked of lands away from this cage

You said, "Don't fret love

Someday I'll be my own man, I'll be free"

Oh, but darling, did you mean

Darling, did you mean free from me?”

The first verse immediately struck my heart, how come I miss this beautiful piece of poetry.

When a songwriter uses pleonasm or hyperbole (that actually makes sense). Oh boy, you got me.  This is my formula for a perfect singer to stan. 

Ok, just a warning. Before thins get heated. I am no good at analyzing stuff so please take this with a grain of salt and please if you interpret this song differently, don’t let my opinion change what you’ve had for this song. Whether for good or bad. 

The first verse usually introduces the whole song, the one that sets everything. For this verse what I get is that the relationship is about a man who depends on a girl a lot and both of them actually know it. 

“I carved my name into your ribcage…” "Don't fret love. Someday I'll be my own man, I'll be free". 

The girl actually likes that her partner is dependent on her, so when things were falling out between the two of them. She was surprised when the man talked about being free, she never thought that it was her. That she might be one of the things that keep him from that cage.

“You promised home

The kind I'd never known, 

But here we are, skin and flesh and beating hearts, and

I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing wrong

You said, "Let's make ourselves our very own brigade

This love, our shield, our blade"

Oh, but darling, do you see the cuts from which I bleed?

It's me you've slain”

The thing about relationships, like any other, is that you make effort. You share and open up yourself for making the relationship work between the two of you. It became your safety and purpose. So it is quite hurtful when those things that you give are the ones that actually hurt you. Which actually what she said in the next lines: “I didn't obliteratе these walls for you, to come and raid my homе”

The girl puts a lot of effort into a relationship but seems like she’s not getting reciprocated.

This kind of feeling is one of the worst feelings you can have in a relationship. It’s like walking on eggshells. You have no idea whether you’re doing enough, or you need to do more or you’re doing more. But despite your willingness to do everything, you’re still clueless about what your partner feels because you’re afraid to ask. Or you’re afraid to know. 

“And here you are, right next to me

Ironically, I've never felt more alone.”

“I fell for you, faster than I fell apart (Hmm)

And I guess I'm the one to blame

For letting myself fall too hard

I ripped my heart out and put it in your hands

In hope that we'd put up a fight (Hmm)

How paradoxical, since now

All I can think about is when will we stop trying”

As the song progresses, she’s finally realizing that the relationship was so one-sided and that she’s tired of getting blindsided. Giving yourself wholeheartedly in a relationship was always a bad thought. If we’re being honest, I am also in a debate with myself whether it is idealistically to give everything you have. But I guess you’ll only know as you go through the years. But it keeps me wondering, why would you feel empty or exhausted in giving your whole self, if you love yourself as a whole. If you do love yourself, you’ll never run out of something. But to be able to do that you really need to be a whole person. A complete one, when you enter a relationship. This is why some relationships fail and some work. And this whole thing was scary. 

“How do we stay afloat?

When do I let go?

All you do is blindside me, it's hard to be brave

But when the night cuts into the day, it's your love I crave

I must've thanked my lucky stars too much

They left me sitting in too much dust (Hmm, oh-oh)

You know all my dreams, you were one, so it seemed

And I love you but with you, it's heartache I breathe.

You gave it your all, just with everything you took from me”

And this goes back to what I said, that the relationship needs work. I believe it is work. Some might say that if you really found the one you love you wouldn’t find yourself working, it would just flow smoothly. But then again, it won’t be that hard if you’re working with someone. It’s always a two-person work. So if you find yourself having a hard time. Well, maybe you’re the only one getting the work. And if you don’t experience this, then you’re lucky or maybe you should ask your partner if there’s something that you’re missing.

This is a heartbreaking song because it was a moment when you know that this is it and it’s time. She finally realized her limits and that she was tired of working the relationship all by herself. It might be the hardest and the saddest moment of her life but it will be all worth it at the end. (I just know it)

It would be another kind of work for her, but it would be as beautiful as ever when done. Because it would finally be her being free from that cage. Not a lot of girls can say that and I wish for all of us to finally be free from what’s keeping us from wherever we're supposed to be.

I love this song because, sadly, I think I might be stuck in this situation. I am no expert on everything and I think I still do a lot of wrong things. But this song makes me realize all of it. It’s also good to know that I am not alone in experiencing all of this. It’s good (and oddly weird) to find companionship through anonymity. There are other girls. And I hope all men die. And I can’t explain it any further. The thing that I like the most about this song is the use of Pleonasm and Hyperboles. Or any kind of figure of speech is there. I told you good storytelling in a song will get you to my Stan 4ever list.  Niki really knows her way to her words and how she will deliver. I hoped I'd known and hyped this song after its release because I didn’t do it as much as it deserves. 

I don’t know how much I’ve said these but: “Niki, I love you.” Despite you being alone in those situations you give the world a song that allows others to mourn along with you. I know that you’re happy and making bread on your Instagram stories, and I am very happy for you. I did pester you to release something like this since you release your second album and I’m sorry for not appreciating this the first time I heard of it. The bullying is necessary for you to give me this album. Hey, it worked. And it’s your best by far. Please continue sharing your stories with us.

Ara xx

[baby-girl-aaron-dessner]

This album has made me so… uncomfortable. I’ve been a Swiftie since Tim McGraw and I can barely listen to this album. Matty Healy is such a gross human being, and I understand that most women get manipulated by a mediocre looking man once in their life, but it did it have to be this mediocre man? I feel the same way about this album that I did about getaway car? I love getaway car, but I didn’t listen to it for a very long time. I don’t know if that makes any sense. He’s an incredibly gross human being. That’s putting it very mildly. I think we put Taylor up on this pedestal of having perfect judgment, and she’s human just like anybody else, but this album especially has made me realize how much we’ve made her out to be perfect? Idk. I have a lot of complicated feelings.

I completely understand your discomfort, anon.

A consolation here might be that Taylor knows Matty isn’t a great person. In her TTPD essay, she wrote, “A smirk creeps onto this poet’s face because it’s the worst men that I write best.”

As a fandom, we do put her on a pedestal. Over the years, I have tried to apply a critical lens to my interpretation of her lyrics and of her as a public figure. Unfortunately, my critical interpretations have not been received well by her fans which is why I don’t feel like I’m part of the Swiftie fandom.

However, the backlash I’ve received from swifties won’t stop me from using my critical thinking skills.

I’ve known for years now that Taylor Swift is problematic so this album didn’t reframe her character for me. If anything, it was refreshing to see her be honest about her flaws. This is also why I love anti-hero and dear reader. She has stated that anti-hero is one of her most honest pieces of work. Keeping this in mind, her petulance, defensiveness, cheating tendencies, and narcissism in TTPD did not come as a surprise to me.

Even though her latest music has reframed Taylor’s character for you, I encourage you to accept her as she is - a narcissist, Hollywood billionaire who grew up as a child star with controlling parents. It doesn’t mean she can’t write incredible songs about love and loss. However, it does mean that she is extremely flawed.

At the very least, she is self-aware, “Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all.”

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Good night I’m suddenly thinking again about the Lover era and how Taylor was convinced her career would naturally slow down due to her age and the industry and society and how we’ve all talked about how it seemed like she (and Joe…?) was basing her life and career decisions off that and then instead her career ramped up and that clearly those Plans™️ then… stalled. And that it seems like that… stalling was just killing her inside. 😵‍💫 Because everything she wanted may have hinged on the one set of circumstances (withdrawing from public life and who knows what else) and those circumstances may have been held over her head. 😵‍💫

(And also thinking about how someone’s resentment may have played into that stalling ugh.)

[florencewellch]

Idk I think you all need to stop with the "if you don't love TTPD, you don't really understand Taylor or you're not smart"... like it's okay to not love her latest release, she'll be fine

[felixcatton]

it's so weird how so few people know how to dislike taylor swift without being like "everyone who likes her is a vapid idiot" and talking about swifties like they're all just mindless consumers sitting around prescribing meaning to meaningless music

[viir-tanadhal]

am i simply cursed to not find a hotspot review that i like

[sergle]

What country are you listening to queen please share

my sample size is so small right now but Logan Ledger and Charley Crockett very much fall into the category I was describing

[taylorrepdetective]

What do you think of The Albatross?

I like it. This is one of the songs I was most curious about when the track list came out. I was curious how the albatross would be presented. Was she the albatross (like touch me and you’ll never be alone), was her lover the albatross (I love you it’s ruining my life), was her fame the albatross (a bit of a combination)? Was the albatross a pub (turned out it was The Black Dog) or some other unexpected thing like gay birds mating for life or something lol. And my interpretation of the song is that it’s both her and her lover were albatrosses and then in a classic swiftian ending, herself as albatross becomes protector rather than curse. So I like that.

[araisbored]

Wizards of words.

I was contemplating whether to write an album review for NIKI, unlike Sabrina’s (emails i can’t send), I didn’t like Niki’s new album as a whole but I have some specific songs that I would choose over Sabrina’s in a heartbeat. I have Niki’s song imprinted in my personality. I am a Niki girl second. (Swiftie first, Niki second then Ara, me, myself). It’s just the whole album doesn’t click with me(the recent one). But you know what, I am a complicated person, maybe I was not in the mood for the album by the time I listened to it. But I have some of Niki’s songs that I would put in a customized vinyl for the ‘Ara’s coming of age playlist’.

To start this, I would like to say that Niki is a good songwriter. She is undeniably good at that department. To quote one of her songs she is a ‘wizard of words’. She first got me hooked with the infamous Lowkey. The beat, especially the songwriting, was so good I had nothing else to do but to stan. And after that it was just hits on hits. Lowkey, followed by her EP: ‘wanna take this downtown’ (which is her Magnum Opus EP/album, in my opinion) Indigo, Shouldn’t Couldn’t Wouldn’t, and her collab song with a Thai singer and the song that I might exchange my swiftie card for: La la la lost you. Both the track and the acoustic version. THAT was her MAGNUM OPUS song. If I was God, I would give her a house with a big yard in heaven for writing that.

I was really convinced that I didn’t like her self-titled album. Because her past album was a miss for me. But she kinda enjoyed that era so I let her be. But ever since she announced that she’ll do another album after that album, I begged her to release something similar to her first EP, let’s go back to that. So I was a little disappointed when she released that album, but I figured this was the real her. I believe the songs in her recent ones are the ones from the vault. Music she deleted because she was trying to make a name. Music she releases and writes during her times in Indonesia and while she’s making a name in America.

The reason why it didn't click for me in the first listen was because it was too pure. See, it always depends on my mood every time I listen to music. My first listen wasn’t always reliable. It’s so pure and so vulnerable that if I listened to it and put it to my heart, I would break.

There’s only a few tracks that I listened to but they were definitely added up on the ‘soundtrack of life’-playlist. 

Of course, the song that hurt me first was Ocean and Engines. OooOOHHh that music video hits too close to home. And the lyrics, it's like putting salt to an open wound. It hurts.

Then I got hooked on Milk Teeth, but I think the best track to me was Backburner. I also love The apartment we won’t share. And before. AND keeping tabs. So to rank these songs I would say:

Backburner. 

Favorite line: ‘Cause I don’t feel alive ‘till I’m burning on your backburner. THE WHOLE SONG actually. I also love the part where she sings ‘The Goo Goo dolls are dead to me, the way you should be too’ and the ‘But I know in a week or so, you’ll fade away again. And I wish I cared. (then she followed it by:) Hey, are you still there? Good. – This. OMG. When you’re always the second person, you will always tell yourself that, ‘Ah, Okay, I’ve had enough.’ But then when you’re in a middle of that situation, the fear of losing someone, it’s a thin line whether you’ll push through or eat your words and go back to that sad, pathetic position. It’s usually the latter. So I think she really nail the whole emotions there. The confusion, fear and relief that he was still there.

Reason for liking this song: Just like what I said, I am a resident Martyr. The second option. The safety blanket. The backburner. I will settle for less than what I deserve and I will be thankful for it. So imagine when something finally kicked in me when listening to this. Shoot me straight to my heart. I know I should change this about myself but I’m scared. 

2. Ocean and Engines.

Fave line: ‘How is it now that somehow you’re a stranger? You were mine yesterday.’ I don’t have to explain why I love this line. It’s too personal. 

3. Milk Teeth

Fave line: This love’s but a newborn, so why does it bite?, We breath for different reasons, you for your,  “well done’s” and me for, “You’re welcome.”

I really like Milk teeth as a title. So creative.

4. The Apartment we won’t share

Fave line: “The demons I won’t meet, now someone else’s to keep. I’m sure she’s beautiful and sweet. Not what I wanted but what we need’

I fee like this could be a good closing song for the album. Maybe right before or after Ocean and Engine’s. 

Sorry, I haven’t decided what’s my 5th entry. So you’ll have to settle for this. 

I really want to do a whole Niki song ranking but I know for a fact that I would wreck my brain for that and I need w whole lifetime to decide which one is first. So, let’s not put me through that kind of misery. Maybe next time if I’m really, really, really bored.  For now this would do. To Niki, I love you. Take a listen to Niki's album and some of her songs:

A xx

[theamazingannie]

God but her and all her friends black and whiting their insta profile pics and then shutting down the website a la wiping her social media pre rep and having “red herring” scrambled on the error page and then wearing black and white to the Grammys and then not announcing her original black and white album and instead announcing her NEW black and white album like a real mastermind fr

[cinnamon-notes]

it's time to momentarily abolish taylor from my playlists because her songwriting is already painfully heartbreaking and unfathomably relatable when you haven't experienced what she songwrites about, once her songs describe something you did go through, it becomes excruciatingly wrenching to listen to them.

[solaireverie]

i’m starting to form emotional attachments to ttpd songs this is how i know it’s going to embed itself into my bloodstream

[choixsimple]

I am,,,,,,, unwell

[persephoneflouwers]

I’ve been chewing FITF for a few days no stop now and I want to say a couple of things. I am in my feels lately, cause a lot of new stuff is happening around me, lots of changes and adjustments. I have been listening with a different heart. I feel like Louis matured through this album, not musically cause I am not an expert and I can’t comment on quality or whatever. He grew up conceptually and his new approach feels more aware and conscious. He is the usual clever self who articulates so well in his songs, but also a different Louis. He feels like he is in a place where things seem clearer. There are a few themes that remain constant throughout the album.

Starting from the greatest, the perfect album opener. He presents like a man on a mission, but in true Louis’ core. He reassures, he protects, he confirms. He’s Louis, he’s reliable and he is making you that promise. You and him until the end. The end of what is not for us to know. Definitely, til the end of this album. You’re his for 51 minutes (but he’ll have you hostage for ever).

Even the sexiest WAOYF gives this idea of maturity, but make it like “the adults are talking” kinda. He has no time for bullshit lol it runs out of the comfort he seems to bring in other songs and the comparison is telling at some point. Second song and he is already ready to talk. He wants to talk when it’s intimate, when it’s “back to loving”. I love the BDE of it all, anyway.

I think BTM opens a new chapter in his music conceptually. He sets a new standard for his optimism. He said fitf does not automatically mean things are perfect or gonna get better, but it’s more how you adapt your attitude towards it. Looking at the glass half full does no harm. I think he portrayed this new view on many songs (lucky, face the music, love the way it goes etc). He came out of his teenaged illusion of things going to change to be good. I think he partially has come to terms with whatever situation he’s navigating and he has accepted it. I’m not saying he gave up, but I think he got the chance to meet his limits and know his boundaries and this is helping him move on. It’s a new chapter of Louis’ restless positivity.

Lucky again is one paragraph. I think it embodies the determination with no regret (life I would choose). Also the light/darkness mentions start coming. We see the a lot and I can’t help wonder if he uses the light/fade them to express the awareness of his situation and how He’s possibly embracing it.

Face the music is such a good song. My first impression was omg I need to go back and listen to it again. There’s a say in italian “questa è la musica, così balliamo” / this is the music, now we dance. We use it when we don’t like how things are going but that’s the only option we have. I think he is very open here. I mean… this is the song where he says “a story’s made up when we were young to scare us”………

Chicago. Chicago chicago. Take it how you want it, to me it’s about an old friendship. He’s missing them. Chicago is an apology song, but again there’s no regret. In this new album, He acknowledges many things went wrong in the past, the future is to be written tho.

All this time, my baby! You deserve a post of your own. Just a few key points: King Mida, communication issues, SO MUCH vulnerability, queer.

Out of my system is a bop period. Headline got me snorting for the “beauty and kindness” verse lmao he was very savage for this. Anyway I call it the swing song. I have no serious opinions on these two lol

Is there anything more mature than grief? Saturdays stroke me at round 1. It was so vulnerable and rough, but with the usual touch of gentleness. A typical Louis. Saturdays is about grief, his personal journey through it. I don’t want this post to be a huge rumble line by line, but Louis is very good at painting precise scenes with lyrics and you can see it all in Saturdays. It’s about loss and how thinking back to little moments helps him to cope. It’s a very hard to listen to, but I relate to this burden he narrates. that’s why it’s my most streammed song lmao in a word: Leopardiano (and I talked about it in another post!!)

The slide into silver tongues is so clean! It’s moving lmao love it and I love silver tongues too. She is beauty is such a vibe, a philosophical trip. Also light/darkness is here again. I want to read into it more when I got time!

I know I always quote authors I studied in high school, but Common people gave me strong Verga vibes. It’s when the place you live holds you way too tight, but you wouldn’t choose anywhere else. It’s about the love/hate dilemma with the place you live, you grew up in. Verga would say “if you leave, everything and everyone will change and you will become the foreigner” (you’ll hear strangers calling your name”)

Angels fly is the prettiest of them all. Best friend Louis is my favourite Louis. Same for that’s the way love goes.

Holding onto heartache deserves a different post. Lot to talk about. I had chills for the bridge, still have them. It’s so true and when you’re a lonely wolf like me it hits too close to home.

I realised I really don’t care about who these songs are for, what they are about. They just happen to be here when I needed them the most and that’s probably what makes this album so special to me. I love it because it is good, very good, but also because it’s here to say things I need to hear the most.

[dmumt]

my only problem with exist is why are all the songs allergic to being longer than three and a half minutes