#all i knew about forever was in passing so randomly seeing a post shitting on him confused me

[weallpartyatybcpatricksfuneral]

Hi I bring you context

Some people on Twitter dug up 7-8 year old(?) stuff abt Forever talking/flirting w underaged girls

There were 900+ tweets deleted by him to avoid him looking worse (or in his words "so they can't be misconstrued further")

The stuff came from a third party who wasn't acting on the victim's behalf (was allegedly just digging through his acc for shit bc they thought he was "sus") and a lot of tweets were translated in bad faith. Plus a lot of "USA culture is not everywhere culture" bs was being brought into the situation bc there are major differing cultural norms between places like the US and Brazil when it comes to this sorta thing. Overall a lot of the situation felt like someone just looking to be malicious towards Forever was pulling some shit.

All this in mind, I'd been under the "there's not enough credible non-malicious sourced info available" train and wanted to think better of Forever. And Twitter is notorious for dragging up old cc controversy when they start a new project, which Forever recently planned on doing. When QSMP started Cellbit experienced a similar Someone Digs Up Old Drama From The Grave thing and it was cleared up and he's since moved on

However, now we've seen that 9 ccs total (and counting?), half of which are qsmp members, have unfollowed Forever and Phil even crossbanned him (meaning banned him from every chat he mods in ie Tubbo, Tommy, etc). One of the other 9 ccs was Brunim, another Brazilian cc who as far as most qsmp enjoyers know is his best friend. With how tightly knit the qsmp members are, esp after meeting up irl so much (in fact, at least 7 are/were meeting irl within the last 2 days), I have no doubts they would not and did not make the decision to do this lightly. He was a cherished friend of theirs.

And with *that* in mind because I trust Phil's judgement, I'm no longer going to be defending or supporting Forever personally. But if more information clearing his name comes out, I'll gladly reconsider again. But knowing that 9 ccs have publicly unfollowed and/or banned Forever speaks volumes to me. We NEVER see ccs cut each other off publicly like this. And all the ccs we've seen do so are all generally trustworthy people known for not getting involved with discourse whatsoever (ie Phil and Aimsey).

holy shit man I didn't know it was that bad.

I went through the forever situation tag but most of it was just talking about the fact that Phil and other ccs unfollowed/banned him and I didn't get the full context so thanks very much for this. I haven't kept with mcyt content creators (outside of hermitcraft/life series and ranboo) so all I know about the qsmp comes from mainly your posts lol.

but yeah I agree about Phil. he's never been one to insert himself into online Twitter drama unless it was because the accusations were real and serious. and if PHIL banned forver on the chats he mods in then it's pretty damn telling that this isn't something to be ignored.

[television-pil0t]

The most serious I’ve ever been with myself.

I remember as a kid I would stay up at night crying. I would cry for hours. Seriously! Hours watching Dan and Phil. Reading fanfic about gamzee x reader. I’d cry because I do deeply craved someone to talk to me like that. Someone to look at me like Dan and Phil look at each other. I was stuck in my house 24/7. Talking to people online to fill the void of nothingness. Nobody lived near me. I was to scared to talk in school. When I did I was instantly sexualized. I hated how I was seen. I would go home and curl up in my bed under the covers and just.. read. “He held you close, holding you in his arms, rubbing your shoulders softly as his big soft hands held your head in his chest. For just a split second you felt safe. As if you never felt fear before. Your childlike naivety came back. You were ok here. You were safe here.” I so deeply needed that. I needed a fucking hug. I needed someone to love me so I looked everywhere for it. Sexualized myself because I knew that’s all I was see as. I mean shit I would get groped in the damn hallways of 8th fucking grade. I knew. I wasn’t dumb. I had everyone looking at me. Years go by. Same shit. I found x reader audios and would cry to hawks holding me at night. I promised myself “this is what I’ll do for someone else” I would be someone’s comfort audio. No matter what.

I never got my own irl comfort audio. I’m scared to speak and still I never talk about what’s on my mind. I put it here. Just hope to god nobody I know finds it. I never got to feel safe. I still want to be held and whispered to. I wanna be babied. I wanna be carried and told what to do next. I know im bad at making decisions for myself. The smallest acts of kindness impress me and so I can never move on. Im scared it will go away. Im scared to be alone. Im scared of being that unloved again. I don’t have much intimacy now but.. at least it’s a little. If I squint my eyes I can stop the tears when I feel unwanted and I can hold my breath when I wanna ask for more. I know I just wanna be loved more. When my bf is in his little 3 day moods to kiss on me and tell me how much he loves me randomly. Randomly asks me for things. I feel my heart ache. I know that’s all I want. I feel like he knows it too because he’s fully capable of doing it. It hurts. I’m hurt. I wanna be loved. Yet I feel like I don’t deserve it. I feel like I’m not even yet the same breath I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t love me. I’m amazing. I know how I wanna be treated and so I do that.

I would lay there late at night and hold my breath to make myself pass out so I could finally sleep. I was lonely. All alone. Now I’m just lonely. Some days are better than others but.. only when people FEEL like giving me the love and attention. I need constancy. Im scared I’ll never be able to trust anyone when they say they love me anymore. Im scared I’ll be venting on here forever because I have nobody to vent to irl. I don’t wanna be judged. I don’t want “Why am I not good enough” I wanna he heard and understood. I want someone to hear me out. I know how to loved I don’t know how to keep it.

I want to be constantly loved. Not “I wanna fuck you” I don’t care if you want my body. Tell me what you like about me. I don’t understand myself. I don’t see how anyone likes me. I’m sad.

I want to know. I hate crying myself to sleep but I should be used to it. My heart is restless. “Heal your inner child” god I’m trying I just need someone else to help me. Constantly help me. I can’t keep song on and off shit. I can’t do it. I can’t live like.. this. not just this post. All of this. Every day is scary. Even when I am being loved because I’m so scared it will be taken away form me without explanation. I can’t keep going like this.

I need someone. I need someone so bad it hurts. I need someone more than I ever have.

[ihaveafandom-problem554]

Your kid Muzan post is really adorable. Can we see more of his friendship with Nakime. (Also I like to think kid Muzan is still shorter than most of the demons , even as a child). I really hope child Nakime is doing okay. (since you said her parents don't take care of her like Muzan's caretaker)

Child Muzan being shorter than Nakmie is something I did not know I needed.

○■○■○■○■○■○■○■○■○■○■○

I'm going to start off with how they became friends then just give off a couple headcanons on how their friendship escalates.

●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●

"Muzan... Look at me." You told a very pissy Muzan. He slowly faced you with a glare, then proceeded to scoff, roll his eyes, and look back to the side with his arms crossed.

He's just started school 3 months ago and has still refused to make friends with anybody. Instead, decided to insult everyone, claiming their a much lower rank than him.

You sighed in disappointment. "Muzan don't be rude, give it a try! You'll like it, trust me." You try your best to convince him while cupping one side of his cheek. In response, groaned and pushed your hand away.

You sigh again. "At least try talking to someone, Ok? Just a small conversation with someone. You don't even need to act like you like it."

He slowly looked back at you. His glare easing slightly. ".....I can't believe your making me do this" He groaned, giving in to the tourtures act your putting him through. You smile and gently pat his head, "Thank you, honey... Say bye to Rui."

Muzan reached his hands out to grab his younger brother.

"Rui, I am terribly sorry that I have to leave you once again. I promise when I get back I'll make it up to you. Ok?"

"...ba..ba.."

"I will be back soon. Get plenty of rest.... I'll see you at home [Name]"

"Have fun Muzan!"

" Don't tell me that.." Muzan sneered, but you've already walk off the school's premises, to hear anything.

Muzan sighed angrily and looked at all of his classmates. Why must they force me to befriend these idiots. I don't have time for any of these fools.

He looked about in disgust. Some kids were playing with the mud, not really caring if they got it on their uniform, some were playing with dolls, monster trucks, rocks, others were picking there nose, and some kid pushed a girl face first in the mud.

Muzan shivered in pure disgust. Why am I forced to do this trousers work? All these imbeciles don't even have the right to look at me? And yet that [pronoun/gender/ Name] what's me to become "Friends" with one them. *scoffs* I'm disappointed.

As Muzan ranted on to himself about how dumb everyone else was compared to him, a slightly taller girl ran into one of the bushes right behind him.

Muzan heard the noise of ruffling bushes and decided to go investigate.

Why? He didn't know. His body just told him to.

Walking towards the bush, Muzan noticed it was shaking slightly faster every second. " Why are you in a bush?" Muzan asked.

A girl with long black hair that covered her eyes peaked her head up. After staring at the owner of the question, she shook her head in response.

"No? What do you mean no? You ran into the bush doing who knows what and you tell me no?"

The noirette hung her head and shook it again. "Your confusing me. Unless you what to get yelled at by a teacher, get bitten by a bug or get scarthes from the thorns, I suggest you get out of that bush" Muzan said coldly.

The black haired girl stared at the other black hair.

"Your the person who dresses as a girl every Wednesday and Thursday..."

Muzan stared back at the girl. He didn't know if it was a statement or an insult either way, he didn't like it when people randomly commented on his choice of clothing.

"And so what about it? If you have a problem with it, I couldn't give two-"

"You look very pretty in the kimono.." the girl titled her head down and played with her fingers. "I always wanted to tell you that, but I don't like to bother people..."

Muzan continued to stare at the girl. He was shocked. No one really did compliment him when he wore his woman outfit other than his caretaker and Rui, even though Rui could barely speak, he knew he liked his clothes. Not even the teachers here complemented his woman outfit. Instead he got ask, "Does your parents let you dress up like that in public?" Or they would have private chats with his Caretaker. Complements were a rare sighting to get for Muzan.

And now her.

"What's your name." Muzan demanded.

"A-ah, N-Nakime." She answered.

"Nakmie..Nakmie..N A K I M E..." Muzan repeated to himself so he wouldn't forget.

"W-What's your Name?-"

"How come I never seen you during classes?" Muzan demanded again.

"I sit in the back of the class. So I don't have to talk to anyone.." Nakime answered, barely above a whisper. Muzan hummed in response.

"So- uh whats your name-"

"What about lunch and recess? I don't see you there either."

"I- I sit behind a tree in the far corner. Can I finally get your name?-"

"One more question. Then you can ask me your difficult question."

"It isn't a difficult question, I just wanna know your name-"

"Why are you in a bush?"

Nakime stared at the no name boy standing in front of her. Not knowing what to say, she apologized.

"Huh? What- why are you-"

"Kids! Come inside! It's time for class!" A teacher yelled.

Muzan watched as Nakmie rushed to get her stuff and walk passed Muzan to go inside.

She was a strange girl.... But Muzan didn't see her as a disgusting idiot, she saw her as someone worthy of his time.

▪︎■▪︎■▪︎■▪︎■▪︎■▪︎■▪︎■▪︎■▪︎■▪︎■▪︎

Ok Headcanon time!

- Muzan Dresses up in his kimono a lot more than usual

- Now and forever sits next to Nakmie and threatens anyone who dare disturbs their time together

- Nakime's bag is for some reason always heavy, so Muzan carries it for her so she can hold her biwa

- Muzan is the only person she trusts with her Biwa

- But Muzan rarely holds it in fear of losing that trust

- Muzan defends her when it comes to people bullying her or forcing her to talk

- Muzan has never seen Nakime cry until this one time and it scared the living shit out of him, he knew Nakime wasn't childish so if she was crying it was for a serious reason

- Nakime eventually did calm down and Muzan started to ask a whole lot of questions that Nakime refused to answer

- Muzan didn't give up but decided to put the subject aside for now

- So instead He asked Nakime

"How would you like to take this relationship further?"

"Relationship? You mean Friendship?"

"Samething. How would you like to take this Relationship.. or in your words 'Friendship' further? What do people usually do in situation?"

" W-Well they hang-out a lot, talk to each other, have sleepovers I guess-"

"What is that? A sleepover... is it exactly what the name protrades?"

"Yeah.. or it can be just small hang outs at each other's-"

"Nakime your coming over to my establishment and I will not be taking no for an answer."

- Nakime wasn't going to say no in the first place. She finally made a friend and she'll do whatever it takes to stay friends

- Even if it meant disobeying her parents wishes

- Just like what I said in the child Muzan headcanons, you were excited to see Muzan making a new friend

- You welcomed her home as if she was your new daughter

- But you couldn't adore her for long due to the fact Muzan already had plans with her

- Yes he showed Rui to Nakmie and yes Rui likes Nakmie

- Nakmie helps Muzan reach certain items he can't reach

- He hates the fact that he's short but is thankful so he doesn't have to ask someone else to help him

- Muzan later did figure out that Nakmie wasn't being taken cared of that well at home

- Some days Nakmie would come up to him and ask if she smells bad

- Or ask if she has bruises or cuts

- Or she would straight up run up to him on the verge of tears with a broken biwa in her hands

- He didn't want his favorite and only friend taken away so he did what had to be done

- He took her to his house everyday and no one could take her away from him

- Has grown attacted to Nakmie but he doesn't even know that he has

- Nakime has grown attached to Muzan and the rest of his Family and she is well aware of that

- You stopped questioning why Muzan's always bringing Nakmie with him she's like your second daughter now

•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》

This was so fun to do, it was so cute. Thank you so much for this ask!

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 304: The Council of OFA

Previously on BnHA: Hawks and Best Jeanist were all, “what up Todofam, we are here to apply for the positions of ‘son #4’ and ‘weird uncle’, respectively,” and then proceeded to insert themselves into the family drama without waiting for an answer. Hawks briefed Endeavor on the nation’s current status of “totally fucked”, promised to help him sort that out, and then asked him about OFA. Endeavor was all, “oh do you mean One For All, the mysterious thing that my intern Deku was apparently being targeted for?” and then we cut away, presumably before Endeavor could clarify that it never occurred to him to follow up on that, and Hawks was all “no of course not, why would it occur to anyone other than me to follow up on any of this super weird and ominously important shit.” Anyway so meanwhile Bakugou was all “LET ME SCREAM AT DEKU UNTIL HE WAKES UP” and the other kids were all “NO”, and then the chapter ended with All Might being all “I wonder what the vestige!me is currently chatting with Deku about.”

Today on BnHA: Deku drops in on the Vestiges, who are all “sup Deku, how do you like our fancy chairs.” OFA II and III are all “if you need us we’ll just be standing here silently in the corner pretending to be invisible and sparking endless discourse with our mere existence.” OFA IV is all “and now I will explain to you in a very convoluted way that you being quirkless was actually a good thing, since it means that you are probably not going to suddenly drop dead at the age of twenty. But also you’re probably going to be the last user of OFA for that very same reason.” Deku is all “that is wild. I’m just gonna stand here and stare at my hand.” Nana is all “so now that that’s settled could you please do me a small favor and kill my grandson for me”, because having just one topic to discourse about this week WASN’T ENOUGH, apparently. Thanks so much Horikoshi.

(ETA: okay so just a note before I start, this week’s RHA translation was a huge mess, so I followed up this chapter by reading a couple of other translations. the main one I’m using for reference is the one by @hanashimas​, whose weekly posts I highly recommend. anyway so you’ll see a couple of ETAs in this post in places where the initial translation was off.)

how many layers of bandages did they wrap this poor kid’s fucking hand in omg

jesus Deku. are you holding onto a bouquet of flowers under that thing?? or a tennis racket??

omg yes, finally

is he reading these names off a teleprompter lol. and if so, what has Jeanist ever done to slight you, Deku? “god bless Kacchan and Aizawa-sensei and Todoroki-kun and everyone else in the whole wide world... except for Best Jeanist. fuck that guy.” actually this joke would be funnier if half of tumblr didn’t legit feel that way lol but anyway

OH MY GOD

I NEED TO HAVE A TALK TOO. ABOUT, OH, EVERYTHING

I got immediate KHR vibes from ALL OF THIS. this is seriously such a Vongola aesthetic. “let’s use the luxuriously cushioned chairs with the seat backs that are ten feet high, and arrange all of the handsome ghost people in a big circle” like come on

that said there are also some slight LoTR vibes as well. “bring forth the ring, Deku”

I like how Six is sitting there with his feet drawn up all casual, but with his arms inexplicably sticking STRAIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF HIM and dangling over his knees like he’s doing some sort of zombie walk

apparently the Fourth wasn’t a big fan of shoes huh

interesting that All Might is the only one who’s still faint/indistinct, and and that Two and Three are fully visible

(ETA: the rest of my speculation about Two and Three has been moved into a separate post, the better to focus on the shit that’s actually happening in this chapter lol.)

and lastly, interesting that all of them are talking now, except for All Might (and I guess the Second and Third as well). to the best of my knowledge Deku hasn’t unlocked the Sixth’s quirk yet, so I guess the quirks don’t really have anything to do with it

oh and it looks like Deku’s mouth is still covered. I guess that’s convenient for the vestiges since we all know it’s hard to stop Deku once he gets going. but on the other hand it’s very inconvenient for people like me who wanted to see some interaction. alas

so First says that OFA’s power has grown a lot in the last four months (i.e. since Deku unlocked Blackwhip), and now the vestiges can communicate with each other as well as Deku

so even when Deku’s not around they can all just chill with each other. this is such a weird thing to me lol. like it’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also strange as hell to know that you’ve got eight other people hanging out in your head spying on everything you do and having conversations with each other about it. it would be like if Dark Shadow had someone to hang out with other than Tokoyami. good thing you weren’t triplets, Tokoyami

First says that it’s become easier for the vestiges to interact with Deku ever since TomurAFO barged into the OFA Domain back at Jakku. huh

(ETA: apparently this is because AFO forcibly pulled out OFA’s power when he was trying to steal the quirk, so I guess that makes sense.)

okay thank you Banjou for addressing this concern which I initially brought up as a joke, but which was apparently real enough for you to reassure Deku about

“don’t worry, even though we’re awake and hanging out inside of you at all times, we’re definitely not secretly watching and making fun of every single thing you do” hmmmmm

(ETA: “not that you could do anything about it even if we were, since you’re probably going to be the last OFA holder ever!” I don’t trust anything this asshole says lmao.)

OH SHIT??

YESSS DEKU now you can hold them accountable for all of their bullshit! because I do not doubt that there will be bullshit lol but let’s see how that goes

oh damn

well okay then. you didn’t have to stand up and walk over to him and loom all threateningly like that but okay sir

this guy has kind of a Kimimaro vibe to him. remember? that bone-growing guy from Naruto? except I’m pretty sure he had eyebrows. and wasn’t twenty feet tall. speaking of which, that explains the chairs

why are you wearing only 3/5ths of a shirt

lol what

someone’s gonna have to explain this to me. is he just redundant or something lol, or is he strangely poetical or what

(ETA: apparently HE’S MAKING A PUN omg. I immediately gained +10 love for him lol. also it flows a lot better in Japanese. this is one of the things Caleb is usually good at, so we’ll see what he does with the wordplay.)

omg the hermit theory is true!!

“I’M NOT WEIRD, IT’S SOCIETY WHICH IS WEIRD.” lol whatever you say buddy. also love how Banjou tried to give him a big hearty slap on the back but Hermit Boy was not having it lmao

IS HE TRYING TO CAPTURE HIM WITH BLACKWHIP

AND ACTUALLY, NO, SIR, AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE ARE NOT AWARE. SO SPILL!!

?!!?

okay my first response was LOL ARE YOU SERIOUS, THAT’S THE BIG SECRET!? -- and then it hit me what the significance of “died from old age... AT AGE FORTY” meant. at which point it was like “!!!!!” and then “OH, SHIT”

(ETA: there’s also an Iida joke here somewhere but I’m just too tired to make it.)

oh my god oh my god

did he somehow get a copy of the coroner’s report or something? like how does he even know that he died from “old age” as opposed to any number of other natural causes? ??

but anyway. so this is the quirk singularity coming into play then I guess. but then how come All Might is still alive and ticking?

(ETA: so this is one example of where this week’s translation is a mess lol. apparently the Fourth explains here that he didn’t know what the fuck he died from until All Might researched it. and it turns out there actually was an autopsy lol so there you go.)

so Fourth says he held OFA for eighteen years, and since he knew he would never be strong enough to defeat AFO on his own he basically just spent all his time punching rocks in the woods and training to power the quirk up

oh shit

is he implying that his body literally fell apart?? like that’s how he got the scars on his face? -- IS THAT WHAT KEEPS HAPPENING TO TOMURA, THEN. oh shit

DUDE

so you’re telling me that this quirk actively shortens the lifespan of anyone who uses it?? and my little boy here has had it now for a year already?? fuck me, I have immediately have a TON of thoughts about all this but let me save it until he’s done with his explanation

THANK YOU, DEKU

right?? how come All Might didn’t die then. even after he got injured. please don’t tell me he actually is dying still and is just being slow about it because I SWEAR TO GOD

what does this mean??

so what you’re trying to say is you all have NO FUCKING IDEA how long Deku’s gonna be able to hold this quirk before he SUDDENLY DROPS DEAD?! five generations ago this dude was able to hold it for eighteen years, and then four generations later All Might was able to hold it for thirty-odd years or so, and now Deku has it and you all have no clue which way it’s gonna go? actually this makes it sound like it really wasn’t OFA that killed the Fourth at all and you guys are just really bad at forming hypotheses. but since you’re making a big plot point out of it I guess it must be true

and don’t think I didn’t notice the part where you said you didn’t have OFA very long and then “died while fighting”, Firsto. I want to hear more about that. specifically who you passed the quirk onto before your death

and yes, if we are agreeing that OFA was the cause of the Fourth’s death, then the conclusion on this next page is the natural one to draw

so that’s a bit of a relief then, because Deku is quirkless too. so it means he won’t be able to hold OFA forever (and will probably have to find another quirkless person to pass it on to), but at least he won’t be randomly dying out of the blue next Tuesday or something

oh my god now he’s talking about OFA and AFO and user consciousnesses and all sorts of good theory stuff but it’s so much exposition. you’re really gonna make me read all this lol

wait what. why would All Might being quirkless have anything to do with the presence of his vestige in OFA Outer Space Party Land

but Deku is also quirkless and he’s clearly visible and chatting with you guys. so what gives. like how much of this is verified fact and how much of it is you guys just shrugging and making stuff up lol

SERIOUSLY, GUYS

BUT DEKU IS ALSO -- you know what, never mind sob. none of this shit makes any sense but whatever

(ETA: seriously, this all seems like an awful lot of speculation on their part. for Deku’s sake I sure hope they’re right.)

FSSKDJFLSKLKJLKJL ALL MIGHT IS FIFTY-FIVE?!

lol that’s a full ten years past my closest estimate, wow. but this pretty much confirms his age now at last! or at least confirms it within a couple of years, because we know All Might and Nana met when he was in middle school, and he presumably had the quirk by the time he took the U.A. entrance exam. so yeah. gonna go with fifty-five

so they think that because All Might was quirkless, OFA was better able to adapt to his body and became his true quirk, as opposed to being an extra quirk that stacked on top of the one he already had and overwhelmed him. ties in back to the whole “AFO used to bend people to his will by forcing quirks on them” thing, as well as the “Noumus are all mindless because of the strain of having multiple quirks”

Two and Three are really ruining the serious vibe of this scene here lol

they look like they’re doing the counting for hide and seek

and is this Deku talking now? I was about to get mad at First for implying that quirkless people are somehow freaks, as opposed to “normal” people jdslk

so in other words, don’t go giving it to your best friend all casually for shits and giggles, Deku. even if it would make a really cool climax for a movie. well shit. maybe that’s why they were so quick to nope back into Deku’s body afterward

so First says that because quirkless people are becoming rarer and rarer, the fact that All Might just happened to stumble upon Deku is “nothing short of a miracle.” which, yeah, that was definitely a stroke of luck there. being quirkless saved his life. but being quirkless is also part of why he was chosen in the first place, and we’ve always known that much

“in other words, kiddo...”

looks like there was some hurried clone stamp usage going on here lol. but props to RHA as always for putting this scan out so fast, especially given how exposition-heavy this week’s chapter has been

“anyways, that was the main topic” ARE YOU SERIOUS. there are like ten other topics imma need you all to get to here, people

(ETA: seems like this is a mistranslation; the line should actually read something more along the lines of “and now for the main topic.”)

FFFFFFFFF

“ENJOY YOUR CLIFFHANGER THIS WEEK.” dskfalkjlkjwlgkjl you really went and dumped this discourse on us yet again. fucking...

(ETA: forgot to mention, but as several people mentioned, this seems to be another mistranslation -- rather than asking Deku to kill Tomura as though it’s doing her a personal favor, Nana is asking “will you be able to do it.” in other words more of an “are you capable of doing it” type of thing. which is a very reasonable question to ask given that Deku is, well, Deku.)

anyways, and the answer is obviously going to be “no” of course. this isn’t going to end any differently than when the previous Avatars all told Aang to kill Ozai. but I guess it means we’re in for a fun conversation next week

so Nana looks pretty grim here though (nothing at all like the person who once taught All Might the importance of saving people with a smile), and I’m wondering if this means she believes that her grandson is already beyond saving. as in killing him would be a mercy, as opposed to him continuing to live with AFO bending his mind and body to his will. except if that is the case, I think she’s underestimating Tomura’s own will. and definitely underestimating Deku’s will to save

and also, just... I’m so fucking sick of AFO screwing the Shimura family over, honestly. this is exactly what he wanted. well fuck you, guy. you don’t get to have what you want. go out there and save Tomura, Deku. for his sake and for Nana’s. give them some hope. do your thing, boy. can’t wait for your big speech all about it next chapter lol

[kstewdeux]

Inspired By This Post

Summary: Kagome demonstrates what she’s learned from Sango and Inuyasha is brought to his knees

Save The Horse

‘This is what I get for bringing her,’ Inuyasha thought miserably as he pried his face out of the dirt and shook himself to get rid of the dust. It seemed like a good idea when he first thought of it! Three years away from her had caused problems that he was still working out. Twelve months in and there were still times he woke up in a cold sweat even though she was right there - his heart beating so fast it started skipping. Nightmare upon nightmare with him still crouched at the bottom of the well believing he would never get to see her again and fighting back the crushing despair that accompanied realizing he very well might be alone forever. Bringing her with him would keep his mind clear. If he could physically see her, he wouldn’t be distracted during battle or rush through things that shouldn’t be rushed. It was crippling how often he obsessed over seeing her again - to make sure she actually came back. A few times he’d even lost focus and nearly taken an unnecessary hit. The fear always there that maybe he’d gone insane and that her return was just some grand hallucination everyone was going along with out of pity. Sometimes it got so bad he’d even randomly tear up even though there was nothing to cry about anymore. She’d come back but the very idea she’d be taken from him again…

That she wasn’t real…

Anyway this foolproof plan to keep a clear mind and alleviate his lingering depressed paranoia had just been shot to shit. One utterly devastating movement on her part and he was an even bigger mess than he would’ve been if he’d just gone it alone.

 All it took was for Kagome to show off her imaginably hard-earned expertise in horse riding and combat tactics. That was all it took to turn his legs into jelly and melt his mind to the point he tripped over his own feet. But how else was he supposed to react when his woman demonstrated her strength, agility and grace? In the span of less than a minute, Kagome had gone from a riding position to literally balancing herself on the back of a moving animal and aiming her bow at the same time. When she hit the mark with expert precision and maneuvered herself to her original position without so much as losing her breath, his whole body had shivered and next thing he knew he had faceplanted in front of an enemy. This had to be the most humiliating moment of his life to date….

Or the onset of his inevitable descent into madness because Kagome being strong enough to kick his ass rather than resorting to using beads to take him down was simply too good to be true. His mind making fantasies come to life because he’d officially cracked.

Groaning, Inuyasha shook his head to clear it. No. No, he wasn’t crazy. Kagome pulling that horse trick off was just a fluke. Woman did try things every once in a while that just miraculously worked out…

Amber eyes darted up to locate his wife and another involuntary groan passed over his lips at yet another position he had no idea she could do. It almost looked like she was falling off the horse – almost parallel with the ground, she was holding herself up with nothing but muscle mass while also managing to shoot an enemy straight in the face.

If his eyes were wrong, he suddenly didn’t care to see right ever again. That had to be the single most arousing thing he’d ever seen her do. Almost like it was picked straight out of his dreams.

So what if he’d finally gone crazy? Totally worth it.

‘You’re not crazy,’ Inuyasha chided himself silently as he shakily got to his feet, ‘You know she’s been taking lessons. Maybe that’s where she learned how to do…”

A shuddering sigh escaped him when Kagome slid to the other side of the horse and repeated the action.

“That…oh shit…”

In hindsight, he should’ve asked more questions when Kagome told him Sango was giving her horseback riding lessons alongside the twins. It never even occurred to him that it would be battle related. While he’d seen the slayer do some of these moves riding Kilala, it never crossed his mind that those moves might translate to other animals. What else had Sango been teaching this woman?! A shiver ran down his spine at the image of them wrestling in a more aggressive way before he forced his mind to get out of the gutter and focus on the task at hand.

Demon horde. They were fighting a demon horde.

With a learned hand, Kagome suddenly turned her weapon with a flick of her wrist and smacked the ever living shit out of a demon that had gotten too close for comfort purifying the bastard who exploded in a cloud of pink dust. Despite his half-assed efforts to stay online, Inuyasha’s executive functioning crashed. It was literally all he could do to keep his legs from going out from under him. His breathing heavy and shaking as he tried to keep control over his impulses.

Later. There’s be time for that later.

Later…

A involuntary moan passed over his lips while his eyes glazed over imagining a whole new world of possibilities before his whole body jerked when he remembered that they’d come here for a reason.

Demon horde. Right. Helping. A thing he should do.

Before he could fully collect himself, Inuyasha’s higher thought process flew the coop when, with what could only be described as a showing of brute strength, Kagome swung down one handed to land a kick that sent a demon flying before effortlessly pulling herself back up with awe inspiring grace.A normally unshakeable man crumpled to his knees - a prisoner of his own making as the miko took on the last two demons with a smirk that had shivers running down her husband’s spine.

Somewhere in the most distant part of his cloudy mind the thought once again occurred to him that he should probably be helping right now but when his wife made any help unnecessary with one last arrow which held such a punch it blew her hair back, his thoughts officially flatlined.

“Inuyasha?” Kagome breathed anxiously as she about turned her horse and made her way over to his shaking form, “Are you okay?”

Dilated amber eyes locked onto hers when she slid off her ride but before his wife could ask any further questions, his lips were on hers and with a few simple maneuvers, Inuyasha made sure that horse wasn’t the only thing his wife rode that day.

[that-random-one]

I'm Lost... Again

Todoroki Shouto x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Reader has a terrible sense of direction

Date Posted: 2/22/21

A/N: When I was writing this I didn't know where it was going with it. I meant for this to be angst or something because I was feeling angsty and then I ended up with this. I also meant for this to be shorter, but my fingers said no. I have no fucking idea how to write proposals either so that part ended up shitty and too cheesy for my taste, but my brain said no to different ideas so it's staying there.

It was your and Shouto's anniversary. It has been 4 years since you started dating and it's been a little over 5 years when the both of you met.

You met at the Hero Gala when your mentor, Hawks, introduced you to him. He was a sidekick of Endeavor's at the time. You were only 19 years old when you were introduced, roughly half a year out of Shiketsu High. Shouto, being a year older than you, was 20 when you met. You frequently saw him on the news and always thought that his quirk was cool.

After the Hero Gala, you ended up seeing more of him for some reason. Hawks and Endeavor worked together often, so you constantly saw him on missions. Sometimes your patrol routes would cross each other too. Occasionally, you trained together when either Hawks or Endeavor had to talk to each other for something and had to go to the other's agency. Somehow one of you was dragged along or willingly went. Either way, you ended up seeing each other and decided to train together to pass time.

About a year of this went on and you both grew undeniably closer to each other. Eventually, Shouto asked you out while you were training together. You were surprised and ended up getting frozen by Shouto's quirk. After he defrosted you, you said yes.

Throughout your 4 years together you told each other an unmeasurable amount of I love you's, moved in together, and have had plenty of interrupted dates because of the duties of being pro heroes.

You also can't forget the many fights you've had with each other. They reach from play fights about your terrible sense of direction or Shouto's terrible theories to small fights that could be easily fixed with an 'I'm sorry' and an 'I love you', or to that single big fight you've had where you almost left him. Shouto quickly chased after you when you slammed the front door closed with tears streaming down your face. That fight took a bit more to fix than an 'I'm sorry' and an 'I love you.

Throughout your entire relationship, Shouto never regretted chasing you when you left through that door. He has never regretted being with you. He never thought that it was possible to love someone this much. That's why he planned something special for your 4th anniversary.

Shouto asked Midoriya and Uraraka for help setting everything up. Uraraka was a big help with making sure everything looked perfect. She was also a good second opinion on confirming if you were to like something or not.

It's not that Shouto didn't know if you liked something or not, he just wanted everything to be perfect for you. Asking the female that just so happens to be your best friend seemed like a favorable person to ask for a second opinion.

With the help from the other two everything was ready before he knew it.

"Wow. It looks so beautiful." Uraraka took in the sight that they all put hard work into.

"It does. I bet Y/n is going to love it!" Midoriya enthusiastically said with a big smile on his face, clearly proud of what he helped do.

"Yeah, I think they will." A small smile taking place on Shouto's face. His stomach filled with butterflies, anxious for your reaction even though he's sure you'll love it.

~~~~~~~

You were supposed to meet Shouto two hours ago for the night he had planned. You ended up getting lost though. You were currently driving on a road that you have no idea where it leads.

You have no idea how you got here. Shouto gave you the address that you were supposed to meet at. You put the address into the GPS, doubled no, tripled checked that it was correct, and began driving.

You ended up taking a left instead of a right, then a right instead of a left. You took a bunch of more wrong turns and the poor GPS couldn't keep up with your constant turning and froze.

You pulled over and put your head on the steering wheel for a while. When you had enough self-pity you sat up straight again and looked at the time. Shit. An hour and a half have passed. You were late. Very late.

"I swear I wasn't driving around that long. Shouto's gonna kill me." You muttered to yourself and put your head on the steering wheel again. "Okay. I'll just retrace my steps- turns? Whatever. I'll make my way back home then retry and not get lost again. Yeah, a great idea."

You looked to make sure no one was coming in either direction. When it was clear you made a U-turn.

"Ok, so I turned left to get on this street. That means I need to turn right. Wait, fuck which way is left and right." You quickly held up your fingers to make L's. "Nope, that's wrong. I need to turn left."

You kept on driving straight, looking for a road on the left. One problem, there were so many left turns and you didn't know which one you came out of.

"Shit. Going left brings me closer either way right?" You turned left on a road you randomly picked. "Ok, I went another left next, right? Fuck I can't remember. I should have stayed where I was."

You take another left hoping that you would see something familiar. Your hopes soon got crushed. You looked at the time. It's been another half hour.

"Fuck."

~~~Meanwhile~~~

Shouto was sitting at a nearby bench to where you were supposed to meet, his leg bouncing up and down at a concerning speed. He knew you had the day off. He knew you would finish everything you needed to do today hours before the arranged time. So where were you?

A lump caught in his throat as his mind wandered. Did you stand him up? Were you done with him? Did you not love him anymore?

He shook his head as if to rid himself from those thoughts. No, Y/n isn't like that. They wouldn't do that…, right? He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the ground. You idiot. This is Y/n we're talking about here.

Even though he kept trying to reassure himself, that you weren't standing him up, that you still loved him. He couldn't stop the burning he was feeling behind his eyes. All of his insecurities reaching the surface.

He looked back up, taking in the view in front of him. He was sitting on a cliff that overlooked the water, a beach to the right of it. All of the surrounding trees had fairy lights around them, multiple strings of lights connecting each tree.

The sun had long past set. A sunset you were supposed to watch together while you had dinner and talked of everything and nothing. Just enjoying each other's presence since your jobs have been more demanding than usual and you've barely had any time together lately. The moon was shining on the water, making it glitter. The only light around was coming from the fairy lights.

He stood up from his seat on the bench and lifted his arms above his head, stretching. He walked to the edge of the cliff and stood at the edge. He gazed at the sight and took in a deep breath, the wind ruffling his red and white hair. The air was much fresher here than in the city.

He then felt his phone buzz in his pocket, disrupting the peaceful silence. Someone was calling him, but he didn't feel like picking it up. He let the call go to voicemail.

It started to buzz again, signaling another call. He sighed out of annoyance, what the hell was so important that they couldn't leave a voicemail or text. It was his day off anyway, it's his time to relax. He fished his phone out of his pocket and looked at who was calling.

It was you. A picture he took of you laughing when the both of you went to a cafe for a date. When you saw it you scrunched your nose up in disgust, but let him keep it since he said it made him happy to see you laughing.

Before he could answer the phone and demand answers to where you are and what's so important that you stood him up, the call went to voicemail. He unlocked his phone and went to his contacts. He found your contact and just as he was about to hit the call button you called him first. He quickly picked up and instantly started talking, not allowing you to say anything.

"Where the hell are you? What's so important that you had to stand me up? Are you…" He paused, a lump in his throat but forced the words out. "Are you with someone?"

~~~7 minutes earlier~~~

"I have no idea where I am. I'm completely fucking lost. I am now hitting the 3-hour mark of being late." You laughed out. Half of you were surprised because you didn't expect to get this lost. The other half of you honestly expected this considering your terrible sense of direction that no GPS could help you with.

You give up, screw your pride. You need fucking help finding your way to where Shouto is, or your home at least. You pulled over and turned off the ignition.

You grabbed your phone out of your pocket and turned it on. You were immediately greeted with a picture of you and your friends. You smiled at the memory of going to the park and goofing off with all of them.

You unlocked your phone and saw the picture you took of Shouto when he was sleeping. He looked so peaceful and cute that you couldn't help it.

You went to your contacts and found Shouto's contact. You clicked the call button and held the phone up to your ear, waiting for him to pick it up. After what seemed like forever the call went to his voicemail. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

You called again only to end up with the same result. You decided that the third time's the charm and if he didn't pick up you would call someone else for help. You clicked the call button and held the phone up to your ear one more time.

Almost immediately Shouto picked up. You were about to greet him when you were attacked with questions. "Where are you? What's so important that you had to stand me up? Are you…" He paused, you could tell from his voice that he was upset. You waited for him to finish his last question. A sudden feeling of dread filled you. Nothing could prevent the shock you felt with his next question and how soft and hurt his voice sounded whispering it. "Are you with someone else?"

"What?" That is all you could manage out due to your shock.

"Are you with someone else?" His voice was louder but just as hurt.

"No! No, Shouto why would you ever think that?" You heard him let out a breath of air out of relief.

"I'm sorry. It's just that it's been 3 hours since you were supposed to be here. I assumed the worst and forgot it was you. You would never do that." You let out a small chuckle. "Um… where are you anyway?"

"Oh. Um…" You cleared your throat as you felt your cheeks heat up out of embarrassment. "I don't know."

This utterly confused Shouto. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I may be lost. Again."

Shouto laughed, feeling like an idiot about forgetting your awful sense of direction, and assumed everything but that. He started walking towards his car. "What street are you on? I'll come to find you."

"Uhh… I'm on Willow and 3rd." You took another look at the signs in front of you to make sure you read them correctly.

~~~~~~~

"Wow. It's beautiful." You took in the view in front of you. You walked to the edge of the cliff, taking in all of your surroundings.

"I had help from Midoriya and Uraraka." Shouto felt around in his pocket for the small black velvet box he had in it. When he found it he pulled it out and opened it, the piece of jewelry shining in the moonlight. He got down on one knee. His heart was beating so fast, it was like it was determined to burst right out of Shouto's chest.

"We'll have to thank them later. The air is so fresh here. It's nice." You turned around and your breath hitched in your throat.

"Y/n, I love you so much that the word can't come close to how I feel. I love you so much that it hurts." You felt tears well up in your eyes and your heart start to beat faster. " I want to have to find you whenever you get lost forever. I want to have our movie nights and cooking together forever. I want to fall asleep in each other's arms forever. I want to wake up to your beautiful face forever. I want memories of you, of us, forever. Y/n, I want you forever. Will you marry me?"

A few tears escaped your eyes. "You just need the unicorn and 6 years old me would be shrieking yes." That did not help Shouto's nerves. Was that a yes or a no? Shouto's expression must have shown his confusion because you were giggling. "It's a yes, Shouto."

Shouto took the ring out of the box and took your left hand. He slid it onto your ring finger, letting go of your hand as stood up. He then placed a hand on the back of your neck and gently slotted his lips against yours. You kissed him back until you both ran out of air.

"I love you."

"I want my unicorn before I tell you those words again." You teased him.

"Unicorns don't exist though." His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as to how he could get a unicorn.

You giggled, "I love you too, Todoroki Shouto."

[ledbiantastic]

Okay, it's time for my Harrow The Ninth read through post. Spoilers, obviously. Thanks to @shakespearerants, @irascibubble, and @mayasaura for encouraging me to keep going. Enjoy!

I am on page 33 of Harrow the Ninth and I am making a prediction. I initially thought the Body referred to the dead girl in the locked tomb, but now I think it's Gideon. We'll see if I'm right.

Page 44 says it is the dead girl in the tomb, but I'm not convinced it isn't also Gideon

Gideon must be important to have to be erased from Harrow's mind like that, right?

Did Ortus the First kill/try to kill Gideon's mom? The timeline adds up, they said he messed something up nineteen years ago, Gideon was 18 in the last book and time has passed

In the weird retconned memories, after every death, or during, someone says "is this how it happens" which makes me think it's, like, Harrow's brain asking that

Who are those notes from and to? What's up with that?

I love seeing Harrow spend time with Magnus and Abigail. I liked them

If Harrow is haunted, but this is not the real version of the past, is her mind creating the ghost? Is it Gideon? I don't think Gideon would write notes like that though...

Page 291 is Ortus talking to her like she's Gideon's mother? IS HE ASKING WHY SHE BROUGHT ALONG THE BABY?

Is Ortus' cavalier more active or something? Like he doesn't remember because she takes control?

Page 315 "he had seen me" who is he and who is me? Who is narrating this to Harrowhark? Is. It. Gideon? (Later I decide it's Palamedes seeing the Sleeper, who is also narrating and is possibly Gideon. We'll see if that's right.)

Is the poster on page 318 Gideon? Is It? IS IT? But Gideon's hair didn't go down to her shoulders. Is it her mom?

Are Camilla and Coronabeth on the side of the rebellion? BOE? Is old Harrow? I KNEW IT! But I'm sad they're on different sides.

Is Ianthe the spy? Is that how she knew Coronabeth was alive?

Does the Sleeper represent the part of Harrow and/or her brain that erased her memories and it's cleaning up the debris in her psyche? OR IS IT GIDEON? AKA the DORMANT part of Harrow-as-Lyctor? When the Sleeper is unmasked, will we see Harrow or Gideon?

Did Gideon's mother start the rebellion or something? Is that why they had a poster of her? Was she Eden?

So, Canaan house was on earth then?

Did Harrow (old Harrow) tamper with her own temporal lobe? Did Mercymorn? Ianthe?

Whose idea was it for Ortus to kill her then? John? Augustine? Mercymorn? Someone else?

Did Harrow break into the locked tomb? I want to believe she did, because I support her. But if not, who is the Body?

Shit, I can't remember what color Gideon's eyes were. Page 363 when Harrow's eyes are two different colors, black and gold

Ianthe wants to marry Harrow? Weird. I don't ship it. But I'm kind of stuck on Gideon and if I wasn't, maybe.

See a man about a queen? What does it mean? What is Ianthe doing? Also love that she cursed Harrow's hair to grow extra, just to be petty.

I'm so confused by chapter 40. What the hell is going on? Why is Harrow trying to be a cavalier? The fuck? Role swapped false memory? What is even happening?

Is Harrowhark's brain just, like, randomly spit-balling while she's dying or something? Love that Abigail and Magnus seem to be aware that it's not real.

OH OH OH THAT WAS GIDEON! SERVING THE COFFEE AND MAKING HARROW BLUSH IN THE THIRD(?) FALSE MEMORY OR DREAM OR WHATEVER! I love that Abigail is NOT having this, like, no I'm not gonna watch your romance novel version unfold.

I think I've noticed that the ones who have speaking roles the weird memories are the ones who died in the last book.

Are they all taking active part in these false scenarios? All the dead from Canaan house?

Oh my god oh my god here it is she remembers and she's so sad!

So she erased Gideon to save her soul. Nope nope nope nope nope I can't. I can't deal with these feelings. Y.Y

Who the fuck is the angry spirit?!?!

Who fucking stabbed her?

IS GIDEON DRIVING HARROW'S FUCKING BODY AROUND DURING A FIGHT? HELL YES! AND THAT MEANS I WAS RIGHT THAT SHE'S NARRATING!

OH AND I PREDICT THE GHOST IS CYTHERIA!

I'm still thinking about what Harrow did. It's so sweet and so sad and she's so lonely and she didn't even know how lonely she was.

Also I'm already excited to reread this series.

Oh yeah, this is GIDEON in here, swearing up a storm and trying to use a sword.

Okay, first I'm getting emotional just from heading Gideon's voice, then I'm emotional about what it was like for her to be in Harrow's body/mind, then I'm emotional about all the things she wanted to say but didn't have time, AND THEN I'M EMOTIONAL when Gideon says why she thinks Harrow did it and I'm like baby nooooooo it was because she loved you, not because she didn't want to rely on you! Honey, baby, no!

"Harrowhark, I gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it." HARROWHARK, I GAVE YOU MY WHOLE LIFE AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN WANT IT. 💔💔💔😟😟😟😭😭😭 Excuse me while my heart breaks.

Oh, also a bigger issue in this book is the whole concept of the afterlife? And it's messed up because of the emperor? I don't know why I wasn't prepared for that but I wasn't.

Ortus holding Harrow and pointing out that she and Gideon were neglected children is making my therapist soul ascend.

I'm such an idiot. His name wasn't Ortus, it was Gideon. He did kill Gideon's mother, that's why she shouted his name. Or they were in love? One or the other... Or both?

Harrow did a find and replace in her brain and it had unexpected consequences.

I've been leaning more and more towards the Sleeper and ghost being Cytheria.

Oh my sweet sword lesbian himbo, how I've missed you. "The sword I had to hold overhead in one hand as I used the other to keep everything inside you; stuff was coming out, Harrow, I don't know precisely what stuff because I'm not a goddamn necromancer."

Gideon is OCCUPYING HARROW'S BODY during a deadly invasion and is like, 'I'm gonna shut my eyes to reach under the shirt and get rid of encumbrances. I tried not to touch you, so don't get mad.' I feel like Harrow would be the first one to say 'do whatever you have to do to stay alive, you imbecile!'

So Mercymorn stabbed Harrow... So the heralds would eat her as a way to buy time? Was that the plan? Gideon calling her "my necromancer" made my heart do a thing.

I want to understand what she's saying about Gideon's mother. Was Gideon a science experiment? Like Kipo?

Where. THE FUCK did Cytheria get the gun?

Dulcie is *horny for revenge* Abigail is a BAMF and my new (and final?) prediction is that the Sleeper is Gideon's mom.

Gideon and Ianthe is a fun dynamic. I love how protective Gideon is, that she's mad at Ianthe for hurting Harrow's heart.

Gideon must have her mother's eyes to be freaking all the lyctors the fuck out.

"I wanted you to use me... I wanted you to live and not die... Harrow. I already gave my flesh to you, and I already gave you my end. I gave you my sword. I gave you myself. I did it while knowing I'd do it all again, without hesitation, because all I ever wanted you to do was eat me." Why am I crying? 😭😭😭😭😭 Why is this the most romantic thing when it's also full of insults and curses and is followed by a your mom joke? What a Gideon thing to do, be so romantic and gross and sassy all at once. I love her, I want to be her. Gideon forever.

Love that Ianthe also thinks Harrow got rid of Gideon because she didn't want her. /s I'm starting to worry that it's silly for me to hold onto the 'because she can't live without Gideon' explanation.'

"But Nonagesimus, you hating me always meant more than anyone else in this hot and stupid universe loving me. At least I'd had your full attention." That's why indifference is the opposite of love, hate is still passionate attention. But this also makes me feel so bad for Gideon because she deserves to be loved, dammit!

Okay, "gall on gall" is pretty hilarious. Good job Ianthe.

Love that the ghost of Matthias Nonius speaks in meter because he's been so deified by the Ninth house, and he's confused by it. It's like people in a musical being aware they're in a musical, like, why am I singing?

Ortus' poem was important after all!

Is it the sword? Does Harrow have to destroy Gideon's sword? Because that would break my heart a little.

"It bewildered her, back at Canaan House, how the whole of her always seemed to come back to Gideon. For one brief and beautiful space of time, she has welcomed it: that microcosm of eternity between forgiveness and the slow uncomprehending agony of the fall. Gideon rolling up her shirt sleeves. Gideon dappled in shadow, breaking promises. One idiot with a sword and an asymmetrical smile had proved to be Harrow's end." I just... This is so beautifully written. And describing Gideon as one idiot with a sword is so perfect and right and I just... 🖤🖤🖤😭😭😭

No no no I hate this either/or bullshit! I know I'm a sappy optimist, but I want both of them to survive, damnit! I want Harrow to be able to go back to her body without losing Gideon's soul. I want Gideon to keep existing.

What does Dulcinea know?!?!

Commander? That's Gideon's mom, right? Awake Remembrance of These Valiant Dead Kia Hua Ko Te Pai Snap Back to Reality Oops There Goes Gravity

What does that all mean? Are those Eminem lyrics? What other language is in there?

WHAT'S ALL COME OUT?

I knew she was in the sword.

Oh my god, if you need John to get in the tomb, and she was trying to get in the tomb and had something, a tool... Samples... She was armed with the baby... Is Gideon's father John? Is Gideon the fucking child of God?

She named the baby Bomb... This whole series could have been Bomb the Ninth... Bomb Nav...

Yep yep called it, child of God. The first time they put that plan in action was to get sperm to make Gideon. The second time was so Harrow could kill the first Gideon.

A dad joke?! A DAD JOKE?!

Gideon and Harrow were so cruel to each other as kids. It just makes me so sad.

Was Harrow able to get into the tomb because she made Gideon bleed?

So is Alecto John's cavalier? Annabel and Alecto... Are the same person? I'm so confused. She's the body in the locked tomb? But how is that related to her eyes being in his genes?

Wait, the eyes switched? I continue to be confused. Did he do the lyctor thing but also put a part of both him and his cavalier into the cavalier's body? But she was never human? What's going on? Why do they think she never had genes?

Oh cool, Mercy killed God and now everyone's gonna die... ... ... Ooooor not.

I love that beating up Harrow is Gideon's job AND saving Harrow is Gideon's job. Very cute.

Sooooo Gideon the OG and Pyrrha both fucked Gideon's mom... With the same body...

Gideon, such a romantic, wishing she had Harrow's name on her lips as she died. "I mean, yeah, I was thinking about you too; if I could've turned that off I would've turned it off years ago" HAHAHAHAHA You can't stop thinking about Harrow even if you want to! God, what a sweet himbo.

"Yes, well, jail for mother" says Gideon... Is she referencing Miette? Jail for mother for one thousand years!

Okay, so we have definitely confirmed that the Body is Alecto/Annabel/God's cavalier.

What did Dulcinea tell her? That Gideon is moving her body around? Doesn't she know that? Shouldn't that not be a surprise?

Okay, so, wait, what happened to Harrowhark?

ARRRRRGH I'm not smart enough for this book! Or I'm not visual enough! I know I should recognize the description of bobbed hair and "lambent" eyes but I have no idea who it is and also WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO GIDEON AND HARROWHARK?! UGH NOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT BOOK AND I'M GONNA BE SO IMPATIENT AND CONFUSED!

Well that was fun to reread. Impressed I got some things right, but mostly I was very wrong.

[threephasebird]

Hello friend, it's Nicole from TAD discord, so sorry for awkwardly & randomly sliding into your dms. I've noticed that you've been reblogging a lot of The Untamed recently and I have just finished The Untamed & literally cannot think about anything else. I'm obsessed. Anyway, I've also noticed from your blog that your favorite seems to be JGY and I find that *fascinating*. He's very much not my fav, but he's such a complex character that I would love to hear your thoughts & feelings & analysis?

And to be completely clear, I will never try to debate with you or say your opinions are wrong or immoral or anything. I'm not an anti, I've stanned plenty of villains in my time. I'm just genuinely curious. I think the fact that you have such different feelings about this character is part of the beauty of stories and a testament to how complex and smart this particular story is.

Hello friend! First of all, thank you for your ask -- I love talking about my fictional faves, so there’s no need to apologize at all! There are definitely people out there who have already posted much more cohesive and succinct character analysis for JGY, but I’ve sat down for a bit to find an answer to the question of why I, personally, like him so much. I ended up finding six possible ways to answer this question, which I’ll list below and then go into (a lot) more detail under the cut. Hope you enjoy!

1) I like him because his motivations as a villain are complex and understandable

2) I like him because there’s no easy solution to his conflicts

3) I like him because he interacts with the story in a unique way

4) I like him because when we see him on top of his game, it’s fun to watch

5) I like him because LXC likes him

6) JGY is very small and has dimples

So, onward! (2.7k)

1) I like him because his motivations as a villain are complex and understandable

One possible way of looking at JGY is that throughout the entire story, his end goal is to eliminate all of the Jin family and come out on top as sect leader, chief cultivator and most powerful person in the cultivation world. However, I personally find it more intriguing to think that his specific plans shifted throughout the story and that he didn’t follow a long con the way NHS did, but that the common ground in everything he does is that he’s motivated by wanting security. Then, everything that he does afterwards is a step-by-step escalation when no matter what he does and how far he comes, his goal is always dangled right in front of him, but ultimately impossible to reach.

When he joins the Nie clan, on a superficial level it seems that this place could offer him the security he wants and needs, especially with NMJ protecting him -- but on the flip side of the coin, no one apart from NMJ and NHS seem to respect him, and his security entirely depends on NMJ’s goodwill. It’s an exteremely fragile position that could probably only ever last for a limited amount of time. Even if JGY never killed the guard captain and wasn’t thrown out of the Unclean Realm, how would the future have looked like for him? NMJ’s life expectancy was low to begin with, and once he had died (of natural causes, in this hypothetical case), NHS wouldn’t have been able to hold the same protective hand over JGY as his brother, and JGY would have become the disrespected advisor to the disrespected clan leader. (On a side note, I personally don’t think JGY released XY to get the yin iron -- I think it makes more sense that he wanted to use XY as bargaining chips against WC, seeing how he goes to free him immediately after WC asks for NMJ to release XY, to save the Unclean Realm and, in extension, his own ass.)

After JGY is thrown out, he’s basically out of options -- it’s go big or go home, because which other clan would take him in now? So he sets his sight on being recognized by JGS once more, and in order to succeed, he derives the plan of becoming a spy under WRH and do something so “heroical” that after the war, JGS has no other choice but to accept him into his clan. And at first, it seems like he succeeds and that he finally gets everything he wished for -- his father recognizes him as a son and gives him a position, he’s part of the Jin clan, he has power, he’s secure! But then it turns out that he was wishing on the monkey’s paw. His father doesn’t truly recognize him, and even in the Jin clan he’s disrespected (by JGS, by Madam Jin, by Jin Zixun), he doesn’t truly hold power (he just has to do whatever JGS tells him to), and he’s not secure (JGS instrumentalizes him because he’s useful to him right now, but does that mean he’ll be useful forever? So there’s a constant threat there).

I think the only reason JGS officially adopts JGY is that it allows him to claim the victory over WRH for the Jin clan and to expand his own power. Instead of JGY being recognized, JGS instrumentalizes him from the very first second and to make it worse, he makes JGY his attack dog the same way WRH did. I think the things JGY does under both WRH and JGS are absolutely horrifying, but I can’t help but also feel horrified for him. Under WRH, I think he tells himself that whatever he does is the lesser evil because it’ll end the war quicker, and that it’ll all be worth it in the end, and as a result, he loses parts of his own humanity there. And then under JGS, it’s the same fucked up shit again, except that this time, he also wants so very badly for JGS to value him, and in addition, he’s also completely out of options now. Without wanting to excuse the things he does under JGS, the only alternative at this point is for him to leave the Jin clan and the cultivation world as a whole, and I do think there’s a definite possibility that JGS would have him killed if he did because he knew too much about JGS’s plans.

Without passing judgment on his involvement in JZX and JZX’s deaths, as well as him killing NMJ and JGS for now (the latter being the one thing that I’m personally most horrified of), I don’t see JGY as a villain who enjoys being the villain the way XY does. I think he’s constantly horrified at himself and compartmentalizes to a degree where he’s actually derailing his own plans. Him throwing out XY immediately after killing JGS reads to me as him wanting to close the chapter of everything they did under JGS -- I think he must have acted out of a visceral emotion there or else he wouldn’t have left XY to die at the side of a road so carelessly (and, in effect, allowed for someone to live on with detailed knowledge of his own deeds). After rising to power (and finally, seemingly, really getting the security he’s always wanted), he doesn’t use that power to become WRH 3.0, but instead to do genuinely good things (such as building the watch towers). That’s not supposed to mean that him not being a cruel despot makes up for everything he’s done, but I find it interesting to think about from the perspective of, what kind of person could he have been if this opportunity had been given to him freely -- if his own class and social standing didn’t prevent him from that? I think he’d have become an incredibly powerful cultivator and clan leader if he’d have the same privilege as JZX.

In a way, I see JZX, WC, and JGY as narrative foils. WC shows us who JZX might have become if JGS treated him the same way as WRH treats WC. But, JGS doesn’t -- he shields his own son from this part of the Jin clan, and basically allows him to live in a completely different reality as JGY! JZX’s whole character arc is one of personality development, and becoming a hero, and falling in love -- he doesn’t have a clue about his father wanting to get his hands on XY and the Stygian tiger amulet and arguably about at least part of the war crimes he commits against the Wen clan. It’s not part of his life. In a way, JGY is the sacrifice being made to allow him to live his life unaware because in him, JGS found someone else to do his dirty work.

2) I like him because there’s no easy solution to his conflicts

Sometimes, when you want to be a villain apologist, all you need to do is point at one or a few bits of the story and say, “well if they hadn’t done that...”. (See, for example, Anakin Skywalker -- you wanna write a RotS canon divergence fixit? Just have Obi-Wan come back approximately one hour earlier and you have it, because before Anakin kills the Jedi even the Younglings he’s basically completely redeemable.) With JGY, you don’t get to have that. There’s no single turning point where you could say, “if he had picked the other option, he could have had a happy ending”. And part of the reason for that, which makes him a tragic character in my eyes, is that he crucially lacks options at many turning points.

In order to write a canon divergence AU for JGY where he comes out unscathed and redeemable, you’d have to go pretty far back in the story, and even then, you’d have to work hard to find a solution to his story that doesn’t a) rely on someone saving him (such as: LXC brings him to Cloud Recesses, or: JGS has a change of heart, frees his mother, and sends them a comfortable monthly pension), b) having him be dependent on someone else’s goodwill (such as: staying in the Unclean Realm in a delicate position).

If we don’t want to go back right to the very beginning or change fundamental parts of the story, well... As I’ve mused about above, if we let him stay in the Unclean Realm, he’d have never reached his goal of security either. If he never became a spy during the Sunshot Campaign, he wouldn’t have been accepted into the Jin clan and would have been out of options. If he never committed the atrocities for JGS, JGS would probably have kicked him out or killed him. (I do think there’s a lot of truth in what JGY tells NMJ in the empathy flashback, on that instance.) If he didn’t kill NMJ, there is a distinct possibility that NMJ would have killed him -- we see him try three times on screen, after all. (I’m leaving out the parts about him being directly responsible for JZX’s and JZX’s death in the show, as well as for controlling the corpses at Nighless City and JYL’s death, because it’s not in the book and I think it takes away from WWX’s character. As for QS’s and their son’s deaths...I personally do not see strong motivation for him to kill them, but in the end, we just don’t know which is, on a side note, a thing I really like about The Untamed/MDZS! Sometimes we just don’t know because the only people who know for sure can’t tell us anymore.) One option could be for him to confide to JZX, bring him over to his own side, and non-violently overthrow JGS, which would be a good and satisfying ending both to his and JZX’s character arcs -- but I also think there’s a high possibility JZX would hold JGY responsible for what he and JGS did, and never trust him with power again.

(Again, one thing I really do not wish to excuse away is how he killed JGS, and I just. Desperately wished he didn’t.)

I’ve been going over and over the possibilites for fix-its and canon divergence AUs, but in the end, I’ve arrived at the conclusion that the only real choice JGY has throughout the story is whether to remove himself from the narrative or stay in it. He could make the choice to give up his mother’s dream, reject his father, and leave cultivation world (and, on a meta level, the story!) to become a “nobody”. (Small side note, though -- living on which skills?) If he doesn’t -- well, as soon as he enters the game, the cards are stacked against him.

To pick up on the meta level comment, I do find it fascinating that in a sense, JGY not only has to struggle for respect and recognition within the story, but that what he does also serves to keep his character part of the story. He could choose to give up and leave (and thus come out of the story redeemable), but then he wouldn’t be part of the story anymore.

3) I like him because he interacts with the story in a unique way

Continuing with the last point, JGY interacts with the story in two unique ways that distinguish him basically from all the other characters. He’s not actually supposed to be part of the story, but that he basically claws his way in. But that also means that his class and social status cannot be removed from any of the conflicts he encounters in universe -- they’re at the heart of all of them. In the empathy flashback, he says to NMJ, “You always scold me for indecent scheming. You always say that you are just and straight [...] A decent man shouldn’t resort to devious stratagems. [...] You’re of noble birth and have profound cultivation. What about me? How can I be the same? First, I don’t have the foundation of cultivation. No one has ever taught me that since I was a child! Second, I don’t have any background. Do you think that my position is very solid in the Jin clan of Lanling?” What I find so intriguing about this scene is that he’s right when he says he’s different from the others both in text and on a meta level because most of the other characters are never faced with the same decisions and have a natural place within the story (apart, to some degree, WWX and XY, where also interesting parallels can be drawn). And the other characters are, in a way, self-righteous to judge him when almost none of them come out of the story without blood on their hands -- WWX’s revenge, JC torturing demonic cultivators after WWX’s death, and so on...The entire cultivation world (even NMJ! even LXC!) were complicit in the war crimes against the Wen. But when the cultivation world turns against JGY, they are the most appalled by the things I as a viewer would be the most lenient towards (murdering JGS), and don’t care at all about the thing that horrifies me the most (murdering the sex workers).

There’s an interesting post by @pumpkinpaix​ analysing how class dynamics work in the story, which I highly recommend! I don’t want to repeat what has been said there already in much better ways than I can, but among other things, it makes some really interesting points about how much JGY’s class is tied with his motivations.

4) I like him because when we see him on top of his game, it’s fun to watch

Aside from any analysis, part of the reason why I like him so much is that when he’s acting as a villain, he’s just so much fun to watch. When WWX breaks into his vault in paperman form and JGY has approximately 5 minutes to get rid of the head, the torture bench (?) and anything suspicious, contact and inform Su She, run to a different building and come back, and nonetheless he manages to convince everyone but WWX and LWJ that he’s the victim in this situation, it’s just. Peak entertainment? For a short time, he’s on top of the game, and then he’s backed into a corner and becomes sloppy, and finally loses it all due to sentimentality (if he didn’t want to take his mother’s body with him and say goodbye to LXC, I’m sure he could have fled the country). I think Zhu Zanjin did an amazing job as an actor to portray how JGY is constantly assessing everything, how 23638 emotions flicker over his face in half a second, how his whole body language shows the constant anxiety and pressure and stress and fear he’s under, and how we actually get to see in his microexpressions when JGY chooses a path and commits to the acting and emotional manipulation to follow it through.

5) I like him because LXC likes him 

Here’s a secret: Actually, LXC is my favourite character. And LXC loves JGY a lot. So I’m kind of contractually obliged to at least love JGY a little bit as well?

On a more serious note, I’m very intrigued in their relationship because I do think what they had was genuine. I view it as two people being very open and honest and true with each other, while placing a lot of things outside the brackets and crossing them out. LXC even says that he was aware of some things JGY did (which ones? how? I need to know) but that he justified them to himself. I think they both realised that they could have had something very special, but under the given circumstances, LXC wouldn’t have been able to help JGY (see: point 2) even if he knew everything. Still, they were obviously very close and trusted each other as much as they could. I think in the end, when LXC seemed to have decided to stay and die with him, JGY pushed him away because he was the only genuinely good part of his life, and he felt like he couldn’t rightfully deprive the world of LXC. It’s all very tragic, and I’m very intrigued to explore what they could have been in a slightly softer world.

6) JGY is very small and has dimples

I can only speak for myself, but when I was watching, I was so prone at any point to believe in him no matter what was revealed. Look at him! Could this man do something wrong?

[princecharmingmendes]

Heartstrings | Chapter VII | Shawn Mendes

“ ‘It’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don’t make you a better person… you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens..you’ll always love them.’ - unknown”

“Shawn was a huge believer that the ‘soulmates’ situation’ was the most stupid thing on the planet, specially since it was such a rare thing to find someone with the same mark as you. He would do anything he could to prevent the so called 'destiny’ from happening, but could he?”

hi, i hope everyone’s doing okay and this is another chapter to the series. Shawn's finally understanding that he's wrong and things might change, so just have a little bit more patience and faith on it. i'm sorry this is not the best chapter so far, but things are really complicated hear and i didn't want to leave you guys without this weeks chapter, i came up with many different scenarios and this is by far the best one and im still not 100% happy with it, so i'm sorry. I'll just stop rambling, anyway i hope you like it, and please give me some feedback.

*Word Count: 2,9+K.

*Warnings: cursing, violence; pushy, rude, disrespectful dude (if that's triggering, please don't read it).

*Posted: April 23rd, 2020. 

                                                    -*-

“No” I said pulling my arm back and taking a deep breath “now leave me the fuck alone”

“Oh, darling, but we were starting to have f...”

“She told you to leave her the fuck alone, which part of it you didn’t get?” I heard his voice and I could feel my blood running cold.

Shit, this is going down.

“Of course you would show up, the fucking prince charming, or at least that’s what you like to pretend to be”

“At least I’m not a stupid asshole who needs to stalk girls around campus and be so insistent that they give up”

“Go find another girl to pin, Mendes”

“Go fuck yourself, dude” Shawn said with his face starting to redden.

“I’m trying to” Byron said with a smirk on his shitty face.

“Shawn, just don’t, I can handle it, leave me alone”

“But...” he said finally turning to look at me.

“Please” I asked looking over at him and I could see his pleading eyes begging to take control of the situation and I shook my head “Please, leave”

“Fine, I’ll be at the library” he said walking past through us, not before bumping the guys shoulder with his own.

“Now we can finally talk”

“No, we can’t, I have somewhere to be and you probably shouldn’t talk to girls like this, we don’t like it and it’s rude”

“No, kitten, don’t piss me off, I’m trying to be nice here, don’t want to get on my bad side, huh?”

“I don’t want anything with you, and that’s not nice at all” I said ready to turn around and leave again “you should stop being an idiot before someone goes to the police or something”

“You’re starting to annoy me, princess” he said crossing his arms above his chest.

“Couldn’t care less, bye”

“You’ll be begging for me to want you next time, bitch”

“Me and all the other girls who are clearly into you right?” I said with venom practically dripping off my mouth as I started to walk back to my dorm.

“You can say shit about it, it’s not like many boys talk to yo...” my fist collided with his face before he could end his phrase and before I could even process my actions.

“Hey!” I heard someone shouting from behind me, making me turn around in the same direction, being met with one of my teachers who happened to be passing by “Y/N, you can’t just punch people!”

“I didn’t just punch him, he’s been extremely disrespectful and annoying, and apparently lost sense of the world ‘limit’ so it was proper self defense”

“No, it was not, both of you are completely wrong, Mr. Byron, you already have a detention to do, so I’m giving you two extra weeks, and you, Miss Y/N, you’re going to help another student on organizing the library every night starting now for a whole week, close it when you both are done”

“But we’re in college!” Byron tried to protest.

“That’s an excellent point, which means both of you shouldn’t be doing this, especially you Byron”

He mumbled a curse before heading other direction. I just sighed and got back in the library, I mean, it couldn’t be that bad, this place was like my second home, and also, I loved books anyways. But I felt the blood draining from my face when I say those mop of curls trying to pile a bunch of books randomly, with a frown on his brows and a pout on his lips. You’ve got be kidding me. I got in and started sorting other books in other table when I felt his gaze falling on my figure, but I completely ignored him. He cleared his throat twice but I didn’t even blink, too focused on organizing books by their section and in alphabetical order.

This deafening silence lasted for a while, almost making me forget his damn presence on that library. I couldn’t completely ignore him when he started sighing and trying to find out where the books were supposed to be, he even dropped a whole pile on the floor, but I didn’t dare to look back at him. The only thing that made me turn around was a loud ‘thump’ and him letting out a “outch”. I saw him kneeling on the floor with a bunch of books around him, one of his hands was on his forehead and the other one on the table in front of him. I turned back to my work and started placing the books back on their places.

“Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“Can we please talk?”

“I never said we couldn’t”

“But you’ve been ignoring me”

“I haven’t, I’m not just following you around like I used to, you made it pretty clear earlier today that you don’t want me around”

“That doesn’t mean you should ignore me”

“I wasn’t ignoring you, even though that’s all you’ve been doing lately”

“Okay, I deserve that” he said getting up again “I’m sorry”

“For what exactly?”

“For being a dick”

“Okay, but will you keep on acting like it? Because honestly you’ve been a bitch and then nice and I don’t want to believe you mean it and be an idiot the moment we leave this library”

“I deserved that too”

“What do you want?”

“Why?”

“You called me”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, can you help me sort this stuff?”

“I’m already doing it”

“I know, but I honestly don’t know what I’m doing, and if you helped, maybe we could end this sooner”

“So you could go back to your bad boy life away from me? Sure!” I said going to his side.

“Again, I deserved that”

“Have you ever been to the library?

“Yes, I just don’t get the system of organization, you generally helped me out and I helped you with any math related situation”

“That was before”

“Okay... I...”

“You deserved that for hurting me, I know”

“I might have been too harsh and stuff, and I’m sorry for that, and I’ll give you time to consider it, I’m sorry for saying all that”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know, okay? I’m more lost than you right now”

“Shawn, this is exhausting, I had a bad day or semester and I just want this to be over”

“I know, I know, I know, I want this to be over as well”

“Shawn... I’m the one begging you please now”

“Okay, but can you still help me out? I’m lost” he said sighing and I just nodded, starting to pile up the books like they’re supposed to.

We actually spent a great amount of time only talking when it was necessary, with me explaining the sections and how to actually organize them, and he only spoke to me when extremely necessary. I was so pissed at him due to his attitude and also due to the fact that he decided to completely push me without saying the reason, and right now he’s acting like nothing happened. Well, at least he’s quiet now.

“Hm... I saw what you did to Byron” he said and I only hummed in response “Y/N... I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have suggested what I did today”

“Or acted like a dick without an apparent reason”

“That too”

“And then pretending you care”

“I never did that”

“Oh no? What was yesterday to you?”

“I didn’t pretend”

“Oh, you didn’t?”

“I never stopped caring”

“That’s not what you said”

“I... I know okay? I’m sorry for everything... there’s just so many things going on and I’m just as confused as you”

“I doubt that” I mumbled and he sighed running his fingers through his curls.

“I mean it, I shouldn’t have done any of the things I did to you and I’m sorry, I can’t change what happened, I can only change what will happen, so can you please forgive me?”

“Shawn...”

“It doesn’t have to happen today or tomorrow, I can be patient, I just need you to give one more chance, please, Y/N, you’re not the only one hurting here”

“It sure seems like it...”

“I know, but I’m too tough to show that” he quoted himself from a few years ago with a playful grin threatening to show up and pleading eyes.

Damn it, Mendes, not those puppy eyes.

“I’d have to think about it”

“Sure” he said giving me an honest smile “thank you, honey”

“Whatever, Mendes” I said trying to hold back a smile that threatened to appear.

After that, I got back into organizing stuff, but the silence between us now was a lot lighter and almost pleasant, if it wasn’t for the fact that we were stuck on a library as a punishment and it would last a week, at least for me. Shawn kept stealing glances at me and he wasn’t trying to hide it, which was odd.

“Can I ask you two things?”

“Uh, sure” he said somewhere behind a shelf.

“First, why are you even here?”

“Got caught sneaking out a girl’s dorm room, two weeks here, this is my last one”

“Oh”

“Now I have company, by the way, that was a really good punch, he deserved it”

“Thanks, the second one is... I don’t remember much from last night”

“I know”

“Did I...?”

“You what?” He asked, head poking out of the corner of one of the heavy bookcases.

“Did I said something to make you say what you said today?”

“No, it was... I just realized something and I thought that was the smartest move to make, which wasn’t, we both ended up getting hurt and it sucked, and it only lasted like... ten hours”

“Was it because you kissed me?”

“What?!”

“Nothing... Hm, I’m done” I said turning around to grab my stuff.

“Wait, I can drop you off, just let me place two more books in place and we can head off”

“You don’t have to”

“I know, don’t want you walking around alone”

“Okay” I sighed sitting at one of the tables.

Any other day and I would’ve ignored him and walked to my room, but after today’s encounters it might be best if he took me there. I waited what seemed like five minutes when I finally saw the curly haired boy coming to where I was waiting and grab my backpack for me. I jumped off the table and we both went to his jeep, that was parked not that close to the main entrance. The night got chilly quickly and he noticed me curling into myself, and he quickly peeled off his leather jacket, giving it to me, which I tried to deny but knowing him for as long as I did, I knew it was pointless. I just gave up and put it on, being quickly engulfed by warmth and his scent, which was pretty addicting.

Tyler was standing next to his jeep, leaning on his own car, talking to a few of his friends and laughing, probably his study group, but when me and Shawn got closer, he stopped laughing and stared at us like we were two aliens on campus. I felt my face heating up, so I just gave him a tight lip smile and a little wave, which he quickly corresponded still looking like he saw a ghost. I climbed on Shawn’s jeep and I saw him staring at Tyler with a slightly suspicious look on his face, so I just placed a hand on his bicep and he seemed to come back to reality, starting the engine and driving back to my place.

The ride was quiet besides the soft music playing on the background, which I quickly recognized as John Mayer, making a smile cross my lips. It didn’t go unnoticed by Shawn, who started to softly singalong with it. It took him less the five minutes to get to my dorm, and it still took long, but he was driving rather slow and I wasn’t complaining, I was getting a free ride home. He parked outside and stretched to get my backpack from the backseat for me.

“Hey... about what you asked...”

“Forget it, please” I asked and he sighed nodding “thank you, and thank you for the ride”

“It’s okay” he said placing my backpack gently on my lap.

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Yeah”

“Why don’t you like Tyler?”

“Why do you like Tyler?”

“He’s nice to me, he’s hot and he’s funny”

“So am I”

“Are you?”

“Yes!”

“You used to be”

“I still am”

“You’re going to have to prove it”

“I will”

“Good luck, and hey!”

“What?”

“You didn’t answer me”

“You’re smarter than I thought”

“Always underestimating me?”

“I’d never do that”

“Whatever, answer me”

“Tyler’s literally the worst”

“You two were going out with the same girl?”

“No, you know I don’t get attached”

“Than what is it?”

“He’s a player, and I’m the one who’s saying it, I just don’t want him to break your heart”

“So what if he’s a player? I’m not saying I’m in love with him, I just want to have some fun”

“I know you”

“You don’t, not anymore”

“Y/N... I know you get attached easily, and I know you care, and I know he’s not good enough for you”

“How could you know that? How could you know who’s good enough for me or not? Honestly, Shawn, you know nothing”

“Honey...”

“And by the way... who’s good enough for me? You? Cause you’re the one to break my heart here, not him, and we weren’t even romantically involved, imagine if we were, maybe you should be sorry, cause right now I’m pretty sure you didn’t change at all, goodnight” I said swinging the door open.

“Hey! Wait! I’m sorry okay? I didn’t mean to offend you, you just asked why I didn’t like the guy, that’s the reason, I’m sorry” he said and I took a deep breath.

“Fine”

“And what I meant when I said you get attached easily is not a bad thing, I think it’s just because you actually believe in love and this sort of stuff, and that’s not a bad thing, and I just don’t want to see you feeling bad due to some idiot who can’t treat you the way you deserved to be treated, and I know I’m not good enough for you, God knows how much I thought about it since the day we’ve met, I’m sorry” he said I my heart swelled at his words.

“I’m sorry too, I guess I overreacted, I think I’m on the edge today”

“No, don’t apologize, it’s okay, you should rest a bit, today was pretty stressful for you”

“I know, thank you, Shawn, for real”

“It’s okay, goodnight, Y/N” he said as I got off his car.

“Night, Shawn” I said closing the door and climbing the steps to the main entrance to my dorm room, seeing him pulling off and heading home.

I got up to my dorm room and Mel instantly smirked when she saw me, and that’s when I noticed I still had his jacket on.

“Oh My...”

“Don’t even start, Melissa”

“Okay... why are you so late? I left like, a thousand voicemails! I know you get lost when you’re with Shawn and stuff, but you could’ve warned me”

“Sorry, I was in a sort of detention”

“What?! Why?”

“I punched Byron”

“Why?! What did that son of a bitch do this time?”

“Same as yesterday, only this time I made sure he got the message, but a teacher saw us, and Shawn happened to be already in trouble and library duty, I just had the luck of lack of it for receiving the same punishment”

“So how was it?”

“Not that bad, we sorted a few strings that were loose and I think he wants to change, maybe go back to how we were before”

“That’s nice”

“You don’t seem surprised” I said as I took off his jacket and placed it on my closet, sending him a quick ‘forgot to give you your jacket, sorry, x’ text.

“I talked to him after seeing you that sad today”

“What?! Why?! When?”

“Because I happen to care about you both and he looked like shit today, I just knew it was for the same reason you looked the same, maybe even a bit better. I met him in one of our classes, and I just sat down and said a few things”

“Which were?”

“You should ask him, he’s the one I was taking to”

“Rude” I said jokingly going to the bathroom to change into my pj’s.

“But you still love me” Mel shouted from the bedroom.

I went through my night routine normally when I saw my phone’s screen lighting up with Shawn’s name on it.

From Shawnie:

‘you know, if you want to keep on stealing my clothes i might have to buy more’

‘kidding, i would let you keep it if it wasn’t my favorite leather jacket’

To Shawnie:

‘oh, okay, when do you want it back?’

From Shawnie:

‘chill, i’ll pass by tomorrow or whenever to pick it up, don’t worry ‘bout it, see you tomorrow x’

I decided not to reply, just lock my phone and go back to bed and hope he wouldn’t drive me crazy and keep on acting like this for good. Maybe I’ll finally have peace.

Boy, was that a lie.

                                                    -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

: @fivefeetapartt; @misfithippiechild ; @@lilya-petrichor ; @katster2015 ; @woeisme13 ; @cherrysruin ; @babiestsm; @profmcgonagall ; @imaginesofdreams ; @moonlight-suo ;

let me know if you guys would like to be on a “taglist” for this series or anything else

and i’m sorry if i forgot anyone, please send me an ask or just comment down bellow!

[yntcdtyler]

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.

[propertyofwicked]

Could you do an a-z of dating Tom Blake pls??

ty for the request, i hope this is ok x :)

a-z of dating tom blake

obviously, we’re going to pretend THAT scene doesn’t happen and he just ends up with a tiny surgery nd some stitches :)

warnings: slight sexual references but only like twice lol

a - argue

tom is STUBBORN. that boy will be so wrong yet will be adamant he is correct till physically proven otherwise. this was usually the start of arguments. you too are stubborn, but not to the extent of tom. any argument results in tom going for a walk around the town, to let out all of his pent up anger as he couldn’t bare to shout at you for something so petty. you’d sit in the living room silently, waiting for him to return, which gave you time to think about what to say. once he did come back, he’d sit on the sofa next to you, and take your hands in his, and you’d talk through the problem rationally. since the war, he would get angrier much quicker, the smallest things being able to send him over the edge, so he’d take the time to apologise, as would you, and he’d show you how much he loves you ;)

b - body (his favourite body part of yours)

thomas blake is an ass man. any time he can have his hands on your lower back, resting on your arse - he would. he loves to walk behind you, just to show his appreciation for your curves and whenever he’d stand next to you, his hand would be on your arse squeezing it playfully when nobody is looking. 

c - care (caring for each other when you’re sick)

tom likes to pretend he is tough and no illness can beat him, and because of this, he will work himself to the bone instead of resting. he’d wake up in the morning, his voice deeper than ever as a cough tickled his throat. as much as he tries to hide it, the moment you notice, he’s back in bed with a cup of tea on the bedside table. when you’re ill, however, tom takes the day off work and just lays in bed with you day, not caring if he got ill as well - as long as you were content. 

d - dates (what do you guys do?)

you and tom would have really basic dates, enjoying each other more than an expensive meal. often, in the summer months, you’d walk down to the river and have a picnic, or sometimes you’d lay down in his mother’s orchid, watching the petals fall around you. it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you’re together. 

e - engagements (how he proposed) 

it would be just dropped into a conversation, nothing fancy and very unprepared in true thomas fashion. like you could just be laying in bed, or cooking dinner and he’d look at you and go “hey, should we get married” and very casually you’d just reply “yeah sure” before realising he was serious and falling into his arms to give him the biggest hug you could. it just so happened he had his grandmother’s ring in his possession so he just used that.

f - friends and family (do they like you/him?)

his family ADORE you. his brother likes you, as you were raised intelligent and could have a good conversation with him - you were also a prime babysitter for him and his wife. his mum loves to finally have a girl tom’s age around, as she had spent 30 years being in an all-male household other than herself. your dad was wary around him towards the start of your relationship, but he soon welcomed him into the family after tom had helped him fix a bookcase. your mum was glad to finally see you happy, glad you’d managed to be comfortably settled down from a young age. since you lived a while away from each other's families, your friends from home never really knew your partner.

g - gifts

you guys are not terribly poor but you’re also not the richest, so surprise presents were fairly rare. whenever tom went home to visit his family, he’d return with a cake baked specially from his mother. sometimes he’d return from work, hiding something behind his back, a shit-eating grin plastered across his face and after asking him what he was hiding, he’d produce flowers that he got on the cheap from the market on his way home. 

h - how you met

you worked as a nurse in the war, so when tom was carried in, blood pouring from his abdomen, it was your job to take care of him. something in you nagged at you to accompany him the furthest you could, which is how you ended up in a base hospital tending to this soldier. over the months he was in your care, you got to know each other well, and promised to keep in contact when you returned home. 

i - intimacy (how often are yall getting down)

thomas blake has the stamina of a KING. he is ready to go to town every night and every morning for as long as you can manage - and the look he gave you before was enough to give in almost every night. 

j - jealousy

tom gets jealous of the relationship between you and his brother. he felt as if he had also been in his shadow, the younger, less handsome brother. it was obvious when he got like this because he’d go quiet, unlike his usual joking self. you didn’t tend to get overly jealous, as you could tell tom was whipped for you and barely batted an eye at anyone else. 

k - kinks

tom has a lowkey breeding kink i reckon, not like 40 kids kinda kink, but he loves the idea of getting you pregnant and seeing you carry his children and raise them. having grown up in a loving family, he wants nothing more than to have one for himself. 

l - long distance

whilst you were both away at war, you tended to be in various areas of france. the only contact you had was letters, where he’d tell you about his day or some funny story he witnessed or overheard. you told him of the wounds you saw, as it was the only way you could really pass them through your mind so they didn’t haunt you forever. it was the best part of the week, receiving letters from tom and he felt the exact same when the post came by and a letter with his name in your handwriting was handed to him. 

m - moving in

you moved in together at the end of the war, in your correspondence, when the days got long and boring, the only thing you could talk about was the future - where you’d live, how the living room would be arranged. it was more optimistic that truthful but when the war ended and you met again, you both knew it was something you had to do. tom was so glad he could live with someone who had witnessed the same pain and distraught he had and you were so glad that you both had each other in the hard nights. 

n - nights out 

you’re not much of a party go-er yourself, much rather preferring to listen to the music on the record player. sometimes, you and tom would go out dancing with scho and his wife but it was fairly rare. 

o - open with each other

the mutual experiences of the war allowed you two to be so open with each other. if there was anything on your mind, something you couldn’t get off your chest, you knew that you could tell tom and even if he couldn’t get rid of it, he’d make it so much better. tom often had nightmares of the day he got injured and every time he woke up in fits of sweats, you would be there to listen to him and tell him how everything was going to be better. 

p - pda

you two aren’t over the top in public but often are reminded with a sly cough from will that you were in fact, in full view of everyone. tom can’t keep his hands of you most of the time, grabbing your arse at any possible chance he got. you prefer to be more cute with your affection, taking his hand when walking down the street or pecking his cheek randomly. 

q - questions (what you talk about late at night?)

as mentioned before, you guys normally talk about the war. it makes it so much easier to cope with the horrors that loom over you like a shadow. sharing the experience allowed you both to cope with your own thoughts a lot better.

r - reproduction (do you want kids?)

Y E S. tom wants a house full of miniature versions of him, and it is something he discusses with you often. you want whatever tom wants pretty much, and having a product of the love you shared was a dream of yours. 

s - surprising (what surprised you about him)

he’s very affectionate when he’s sad. rather than bottling up, tom knows how to talk about his problems really openly with you and he’s not afraid to show emotion. 

t - together (what you do together)

towards the start of your relationship, after the war, you two would go on cute dates in the forest or on the river bank almost weekly, but you now you guys prefer to stay home and make use of that bedroom ;)

u - under the influence (drunk vibes)

tom is even funnier when he’s drunk. he comes home from a night out with will and some other friends and just sits, staring at you. every 5 minutes or so he’d mumble something along the lines of “you’re gorgeous - do you have a boyfriend?”. it was cute to start with but by t eh fifth time, you're laying him down on the bed and trying to lul him to sleep.

v - vacations

tom likes to go to cornwall with you. it’s where he frequently went on holidays as a child, and he loves to take you to the places he visited in his youth. 

w - wedding

you guys have a small wedding, just in the church near your house. you couldn’t afford a massive wedding and you didn’t really want one. so you held the ceremony with your families and your closest friends and chose to spend the reception at your house, listening to music on the record player and having a roast dinner. 

x - xray (when he’s hurt)

obviously, you had cared from him in the war, but sometimes the scar on his stomach would cause him pain if he moved it in the wrong way. there wasn’t much you could do, but you would lay with him and comfort him, or bring him medicine with his food. 

y - you (a random headcanon) 

“tom have you seen my glasses anywhere?” you called out to the house, hoping and an extra set of eyes could help.

“no, sorry! where did you last see them?” he called back.

“i can’t remember. they were here one moment then the next they weren’t” you trailed off as tom made his way into the kitchen. he took one glance at you, then burst into laughter, leaving you standing there in confusion.

“what? what are you laughing at?”

“baby, have you checked the top of your head?”

“oh my god!” you said, realising they had been there the whole time, your face going a new shade of red in embarrassment.

“awh bless, you really do need glasses,” tom smiled coming over to you, taking you in his arms.  his lips pressed to your head in a quick peck before he walked back to where he had been sat before. 

z - zzzzzzzzzzzz’s (sleeping routine)

you’re usually in bed first, choosing to read a book before packing in for the night. tom would stay downstairs longer, reading the paper or going for a shower. but when he did come upstairs, he’d just stand in the door frame and gaze upon you, like he had never seen something so angelic. once he got into bed, you’d mark the page and close the book, leaning into his side and his arm moving to wrap around you. 

[itsflygtig]

Hello! 

First: I’m fucking dying of lumbago.

Second: my computer is failing and my “a” stops working randomly.

Third: my english is shit so if you had never read any of my posts don't be scared if I look like a 7 year old girl writing about her summer holidays.

Fourth: if you read this cause you are following me you will not be surprised if I tell you that I usually take movies/tv shows so serious that I get afflicted (up to heaven) about all the shit that happens to my loved characters. If you are not following me, well, now you know it.

Now that all this is pointed out... there I go with the post:

I recently rewatched Brokeback Mountain and I’m still very sad, but don’t get me wrong, I love watching that movie. I have some kind of toxic relationship with it: I love watching it but it brings me suffering and anxiety, and I love it (kill me please)

*breakpoint* It is a must watch if you love watching gay movies, everyone, so if you still didn’t watch it I don’t know what are you waiting for *end of the breakpoint*.

I’m here to speak about Ennis del Mar and Jack Twist from my perspective. But first, the love of my life is Ennis del Mar so I’m sorry if I mostly write about him. I’m not using screenshots for this post so use your memory, people.

I know there is a book or something but I didn't read it, so I’m just speaking about the movie now. I’m just warning you if it is the case that I say something that happens differently in the book.

Ennis del Mar (my only son, do not touch, do not hurt, or I’ll fight)

Let’s start with the basics. Ennis was neither good at words nor at social relationships and his life was tragic from the beginning.

He lost his parents at a young age and his siblings had to take care of him until he was 19 years old. When he was young, and his father was still alive, Ennis was brought by his own dad to see a neightbour’s corpse, who was killed for beeing gay, and from that moment on he started living in fear. We don’t know if Ennis knew that he liked boys since he was a kid or not, but what I can guess is that he actually did like boys but he didn’t know what that was.

Ennis grew up, in some way, “without” a personality. He lived his life in a very pasive way; giving people what THEY wanted and afraid of fighting for the things HE wanted. His life was centered on living the life he was supposed to live, trying to have everyone as happy as possible.

What Ennis’ character represents is fear in a crude way, and all the bad things that fear brings hand in hand. All that represented with violence and a shy and fearful gaze. When Ennis is scared, afraid, exposed or stressed, his first reaction is violence. All those emotions focus, again, on a main one: fear.

For example:

The part when Jack and Ennis end up fighting seconds after playing a bit. The fight starts cause Ennis is afraid of losing Jack if the return back from Brokeback Mountain, and he is mad with him for that, even if it isn’t Jack’s fault. 

The part when Ennis nearly hits his exwife in the kitchen cause Alma exposes him about having something with Jack. He is afraid of people knowing it, and he is even afraid of listening to the idea of loving a man, and the consequences of that.

The part when Ennis cries in Jack’s arms cause he is scared of the feelings he is having for Jack, even if those feelings where there for years. He also doesn’t want to lose Jack, and he is aware that it will happen if he doesn’t overcome his demons. But even knowing that he needs to overcome his demons, he knows that he can’t do it because he is too scared about everything related to be different in a world like that. So that makes him beeing stressed and scared, and that’s why he tries to fight Jack at first, until he gives up because he has no strength to fight anymore.

As I said before, Ennis lived the life the world expected him to life: marry with a woman, have childrens and build a happy (short of) family life with them, be the household head... return from work, help in anything that was needed and then go to sleep. 

In my perspective, he never wanted a wife, he never wanted kids (although he loves his daughters), and he never wanted a family life. What he wanted was to be alone (or living a life with the person he really loved) and calm, but it wasn’t possible, not for him who was used to make everyone happy but himself.

When Ennis mets Jack, I feel like he discovers a new world. Jack isn’t only Jack for Ennis, Jack is the physical representation of the male gender. The representation of something that scares Ennis to death: loving a man. 

When he starts loving and desiring Jack, he experiences a new feeling that he didn’t experience earlier: the need of someone’s touch. It is so obvious how much need of a desired touch he had, that it can be seen in the desperate way Ennis rubs his face to Jack’s skin... as if a magnet was between them.

He passed his life meeting people’s needs, but now he found someone that meets his. 

However, the fear is still there, and it blocks Ennis everytime. That’s why he doesn’t accept Jack’s ideas of living together. The only idea of imagining how people would react to that frightens him, even though he doesn’t want to have a life with another person that isn’t Jack.

When Ennis knows about Jack’s death, he gets even more destructed than before. He understands that he lost him forever, and he probably thinks that it is his fault for not accepting the proposition of living with Jack. He goes to Jack’s parents house and then he discovers that Jack was thinking on starting a life with another man, and he now sees that he was actually losing Jack because of his fears.

Ennis is, in my opinion, the most complex and sensitive character of the two of them, he doesn’t only represent FEAR he represents all the destruction that fear brings.

Jack Twist

He represents the asses that are left behind when fear razes everything. Even though Jack Twist isn’t as complex as Ennis, he faces his own suffering.

After knowing Ennis, Jack starts missing him from the moment he has to leave him. The attempt of flirting with a man he does is driven by the need of trying to find “another Ennis”. When, four years later, they start meeting again, Jack starts needing him more and more, and he starts manifesting his ideas of a good life together, but he gets blocked by Ennis’ fear about the consecuences of it. That doesn’t frustrate Jack at first, but it does frustrate him over the years. When he clearly sees the impossibility of having a life with Ennis.

But he can’t quit Ennis, even if he tries, he can’t do it. He loves him so much and he is prepared to face all the destruction that comes with loving a man that is drowned by fear.

However, he knows what he wants, and he tries and fights for it. He is the strongest among them and it can be seen in every scene. 

He is Ennis’ shield, comforting and protecting him everytime Ennis feels lost and weak. He can try a life with another man, but the reality is that he will run to Ennis if Ennis calls.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I needed to write this to get over this two. I was thinking on watching this movie again the next sunday, but I won’t since it gets me so aflicted. I’ll wait some months until I see it again... because it is too much for me. It is too much.

Thank you very much for reading the way I see both characters and please don’t hate me for my english and the horrible way I structured the post lol.

Have a good day, and remember: if you are able to stay at home, do so. Take care of yourself and each other.

[violetwolfraven]

“I got you a present.”

Fanfic Advent Calender Day 3: Flintwood

(Almost caught up, guys!!!)

...

Oliver loved Christmas like any kid did. Especially any Gryffindor.

But did the entire team have to say no to a Christmas afternoon practice?

Harry had politely said that he had already agreed to spend the day with the Weasleys, and Oliver hadn’t bothered to ask the twins, considering they’d call ‘family time.’

Katie and Alicia had been making out under some mistletoe when he found them, so Oliver had decided to just leave them alone.

And Angelina... Angelina had basically told him to go fuck himself and that she would shoot hoops at him later.

So, Oliver was left alone on the pitch, flying around kind of aimlessly after he got bored of using the enchanted quaffle some genius keeper had left behind years ago for solo practice. The fact that the thing had barely been used by anyone besides Oliver in the last several decades meant that at this point, the enchantment wasn’t that good anymore. The ball went in a predictable pattern of left-middle-right-right-left-middle-left. Oliver guessed that someone had cast a half-successful charm on it to make it go randomly.

“Whoa! Watch out!”

Oliver almost heard the voice too late, but pulled his broom to a stop just in time, right before he smashed straight into Marcus Flint.

The chaser was obviously a bit shaken by almost getting into a crash, and took a deep breath to hide it.

“The fuck are you doing here, Wood?”

“The fuck are you doing here?” Oliver shot back.

Flint snorted, “You haven’t noticed? Half of Slytherin House stays most years.”

“Oh, really?” Oliver asked, “I don’t recall seeing you all come down for the Christmas Feast last year.”

“Ha. Most of my people’s parents don’t want them around when Harry Potter is. Good a time as any for them to start giving a damn about what their children do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Flint snorted, “The fuck do you care, Wood?”

Oliver gestured around, “I keep running into you all the bloody time, Flint! So I think I might as well get to know you, considering after this year, you’ll be graduating, and we’ll probably never see each other again.”

Oliver saw Flint’s face fall a little at the mention of his graduation. He had no idea if it was because of the rumors that Flint was failing Charms, or because of the prospect of them never playing each other again.

Oliver had to admit, it was a depressing thought. He’d been playing against Flint since he’d gotten into Hogwarts. They’d always been rivals, pushing each other to play harder because each wanted to beat the other so much.

“I think after all this time, we might as well have one decent conversation before we go our separate ways.”

“We’ve got months for all that mushy shit. Going to miss getting beat by me that badly, Wood?”

“You know, I’ve known you longer than any of my own team. Sure, we’ve never had an actual conversation that didn’t involve fists or taunts, but I know you, Flint. You’re dodging. So talk to me. What’s up?”

Flint searched Oliver’s face, clearly looking for any trace of a lie.

Oliver knew he wouldn’t find any, but he found himself trying not to squirm under Flint’s intense gaze.

Finally, Flint shrugged.

“A lot of Slytherin parents aren’t like Gryffindor ones. They don’t really care what their kids do until it’s time to get married and make grand-babies. Of course...” Flint looked at the ground, “Some do care. By which I mean if you do any little thing wrong...”

“Got it,” Oliver muttered, “I’m sorry.”

There was a couple seconds of awkward silence as they just floated there in the cold winter air.

Flint mumbled something under his breath.

“What was that?” Oliver asked.

“I got you a present,” Flint muttered, seeming embarrassed.

“You what now?”

“Accio,” Flint summoned what looked like an ordinary quaffle.

“Um, thanks?” Oliver said, fully expecting the quaffle to explode as he caught it.

“Expecting it to blow up?”

“Um...”

“It’s okay. I’d expect it if it was coming from you. Throw it.”

Even skeptical, Oliver threw the ball, this time expecting it to fall to the ground.

The ball hovered, before shooting towards one of the goal posts. As if passed through and shot again, over and over, and Oliver couldn’t see a pattern.

“You got me a charmed quaffle?”

Flint shrugged, “Yeah. You looked stupid playing with the old broken one all the time.”

Oliver grinned, “You suck at charms. You must have spent forever working on this.”

There was a couple seconds of awkward silence.

“All this feelings stuff is gross,” Flint said, “Wanna just go play Quittitch?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

[buckyreaderrecs]

A Toast to Whiskey: Chapter 1 / 2

Summary: You work in an old bar hidden away from the modern world. It's almost charming, but not quite. That's probably why Bucky likes it.

Words: 2,325 Pairing: Bucky Barnes/reader Characters: Bucky Barnes Additional tags: Bucky needs a hug, recovering Bucky, mostly canon compliant (Infinity War and Endgame didn’t happen, Stark Tower still exists), angst, she/her pronouns, more tags/characters to be added with part 2, brief mention of Nazis, mental health will be prominent part of part 2

Note: Find this fic and others on A03 - click here. And follow this Tumblr! I post lists of Bucky/Reader fic writers and reblog all my favs. I’ve just started it, so would love the support! xo Rhi

Dedicated to: @browngirlmagic for the conversation. The next chapter is the Lush one!

A Toast to Whiskey Chapter 1 / 2

There were a lot of things in the dusty, old bar that made the man's jaw clench in annoyance, distaste, or anger. You were compiling a list of these things, doing your best to minimise their occurrences. There was one you couldn't avoid though, and it was almost amusing that it bothered him at all. Each time someone ordered a drink - beer, cocktail, shot, whatever - a clean glass was given. The man didn't like it. Was it not like that in his time?

If James Buchanan Barnes thought he'd gone unnoticed in the hole-in-the-wall bar you worked at, he was mistaken. Not entirely, to be fair; the baseball cap and quiet stopped the other patrons from even giving him a second glance. 'Patrons' might have been too civilised of a word to call them. They were old, sickly, local men that had been drinking the same beer from those same taps forever. Harmless, mostly. Unobservant, entirely. Not you though. The first day Bucky walked in and taken a barstool on the very corner, closest to the door, you knew exactly who he was.

Like a lot of people that came and went from the establishment, Bucky's seeking of anonymity was granted. You pretended to not recognise him. You were kind to him, a little more gentle than you were to others, but mostly just a good bartender. And in time, you grew accustomed to the charade. He came in a couple of afternoons a week, but never during the nights when it would be busy. Eventually, he even started to speak more than a couple words to you.

"New cap?" you greeted Bucky with a grin, putting the only drink he ever ordered down in front of him.

Bucky wrapped his right hand around the glass of whiskey. He glanced at you, smiled and shrugged.

"Speaking of new, can I ask you something?" you asked.

The expression on Bucky's face was guarded, but definitely one of concern. You realised you should have just asked, rather than let his mind spiral.

"What’s your problem with clean glasses?"

He looked surprised. Surprised was an experience Bucky wasn't particularly used to or fond of. He wouldn't hold it against you though.

"How do ya know I got a problem?" he asked back, genuinely curious.

Shrugging, you looked around casually. "Guess I notice a lot of things about people,"

"Right," he said slowly, knowingly. "I don't know… Just seems wasteful… Is it the law?"

"That we have to use clean glasses?" you asked with a laugh. "I don't know… probably not. I mean, it's more hygienic. Probably makes the drink taste cleaner or whatever. Board of Health might have a problem with us if we didn't… Not that I've seen one of them in here in years."

Bucky picked up his glass and finished the whiskey. "Fill her up," he quipped. He'd made a half-joke, and you appreciated the effort.

"Yes, sir. Lemme know if you, you know, what anything else," you told him, topping him up, knocking your knuckles on the bar top, and walking away.

…

Bucky Barnes certainly wasn't the most chatty person you'd met. It was better to ask questions if you wanted to pass time with conversations. Easy conversation was one of your special skills, being a bartender and all. However, it was incredibly difficult to do this when you were purposefully avoiding topics that would put Bucky in a position to have to, you know, admit his identity and all that. So, things stayed superficial.

No, Bucky didn't watch the game.

Yes, the weather's been insane.

No, he doesn't want any nut mix.

Okay, maybe yes to pretzels.

Yes, he can see your hair has changed colour.

Yes, he likes it.

For as long as it had taken to get to the point of superficial conversation, it didn't take any time at all to run out of things to say. As it turned out, neither you nor Bucky had lived, or were living, shallow enough lives to sustain it. There were questions you were begging to ask, and if he was honest with himself, Bucky was kinda just counting down until you finally spoke up.

…

"So, I got a question,"

"Mmm. You have a lot of questions," Bucky said, smirking then taking another sip of his whisky.

"You could ask me somethin' if you want a change of pace, pal."

It was a joke. Just banter. But a dark expression flashes across Bucky's face for only a split second. You didn't catch it.

"What's your question, Y/N?"

He knew your name?

Of course he knew your name. He was The Winter fucking Soldier. He probably knew everything about everyone that worked and frequented the bar. How had you not thought of that before? Suddenly, it seemed risky to ask what you had planned to.

Bucky watched you hesitate. He sighed and looked around at the empty room. It was a Monday afternoon and it was just before the regulars showed up to knock beer bottles together and catcall you across the bar. It was just you and him.

"Ask," he said softly, taking his cap off and setting it down on the barstool next to him. You watched Bucky run his hands through his hair, tucking some of it behind his ear.

"Why do you drink whiskey?"

Bucky laughed. Like, a proper heartfelt laugh. "What?" he said, nose still scrunched up in amusement.

"What?"

"Why do I drink whiskey?" he repeated.

"Yeah… I mean… It's disgusting… and, like, you… can't get drunk, right?"

There it was. You did it. Admitted you knew him. Which he figured out. So none of what was happening was really a big deal. But it sure as fuck felt like it.

"Right. I can’t- Well, I can, but it takes a lot,"

"Asgardian mead a lot?"

Bucky grinned and tipped his glass towards you. "How do you know about Asgardian mead?"

You snorted. "Everyone does. Everyone knows everything these days,"

"That's what we want you to think," he said, not skipping a beat.

It made you laugh. It was already better talking to him without false pretences. "So, whisky?"

"Ah… Guess it's that everything's different now… An' that's mostly good. But… You know."

No. No, you didn't know. How could you even begin to understand? "Yeah," you said, your voice far more quiet than you meant it to be.

"Whiskey's still whiskey,"

"It tastes the same?" you asked.

"Almost. Not exactly. Close enough,"

"Makes sense… But why here? S'not like this bar been here since the 40s or anything."

Bucky was visibly trying not to smile. Or make eye contact. "Ah… Not sure how to answer that without… offending ya,"

"Huh? ... Oh, I don't own the joint or anything,"

"You don't?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

"No? You think I did? Why?"

"You're…" but he shrugged, still guarded. "I don't know," he lied. "But, ah, I was just lookin' for somewhere…"

"Pretty much stuck in the 40s or thereabouts?"

He nodded, smiling. "But without the Nazis,"

"Mmm… I mean… Have you watched the news lately?" you very quickly said.

"I try to avoid it," he admitted solemnly.

As people started to wander in, the conversation waned. Bucky watched you serve cold beer and pour bags of crisps into bowls. He listened to the worst songs being picked on the jukebox and he sat truly shocked you weren't even at least the daughter of the owner. Despite what you may have thought, he hadn't bothered to investigate you at all and finding his assumptions to be wrong was unsettling.

See, Bucky was a little bit smitten with you. He thought you were smart and sassy and timelessly beautiful. You were the ultimate perk of randomly picking this as his hideaway from the world. But, he figured you were only here because it was a family business. Why was someone smart, sassy and beautiful working strange hours at a shitty bar?

It was hard to say which of you was more curious about the other.

…

Something about what Bucky said had stuck in your head. Whiskey, his drink of choice, was the closest thing to his own time he could find. You could do better than that though.

About a year into working at the bar, you were finally allowed to venture into the cellar to clean it up. There were boxes of shit from forever ago down there and you just wanted it sorted, gone, and the space put to better use. Most of what lived beneath the floor was trash, but every hour or so you'd find something cool. A few vintage beer signs. Empty bottles of collector edition Coke. That kind of stuff. But, there was one thing you had found that you now wanted to stumble across again.

Nobody could remember where it had got to.

It took two days of searching to find it.

The bottle of whiskey was shoved under a bunch of paperwork in the office's bottom drawer desk. Not exactly where you'd store something worth a lot of money, but hey - the barely-there owners of the bar were eccentric, to put it nicely. You didn't recognise the brewing company on the peeling label, but that wasn't the point. The date on the bottle quite clearly read 1940.

When Bucky took his usual spot that afternoon, you bounced over to him with a grin on your face. He looked up at you, keeping his cap.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why I'm so happy?" you said, elbows on the bar and head in your hands.

Bucky smiled a little. He seemed sad. Sadder than usual. Good timing.

"Why are you so happy?"

"'Cause I found something that's gonna make you real fuckin' happy. Check this out!"

You produced the bottle from where you had it stashed under the bar and handed it to Bucky.

Bucky's lips parted slightly and his eyes went all glossy. He read the label carefully, probably trying to place the brand you couldn't. He handled it so carefully, even more than you in your fear of dropping it.

"This is real," he finally said.

"Yeah. I found it in the basement ages ago and just remembered it. 1940, so I figure it's like, first or second batch after Prohibition, yeah?"

Bucky nods. "I guess…" he replied, smiling, remembering Prohibition. "And before all the distilleries had to stop again,"

"For what?" you asked.

"The war," he said so matter-of-factly that it hurt a little. He looked up then, saw your confusion. "Dunno if it was law or if they just did it, but most places stopped making drinking alcohol and started making stuff to help win the war. And ah, whiskey stopped being made because it took up too much crops. I don't know. Something like that."

Something like that. Like he hadn't lived history.

"I didn’t know that. That's…" Not 'cool.' "That makes sense… Anyway. Open it," you ordered, getting out two clean glasses.

Bucky put the bottle on the bar and looked at you seriously. "Y/N, that's gotta be worth… a lot… Can't open it for no reason,"

"Nobody here cares about it. And besides, it's not really no reason, is it?" He didn't move or say anything. "Bucky." He flinched at his name, glanced around to make sure nobody heard. They hadn't. "I think you kinda earned this one, yeah? Now do me the honours."

Why was everyone in Bucky's life so goddamn stubborn?

He sighed and opened the bottle silently. You nodded in encouragement, letting him pour.

"A toast," you posed, holding your glass up. Bucky mimicked your action. "A toast to…" Everything in your head sounded either very cliché or very sad.

"Whiskey," Bucky finished.

"Whiskey," you agreed.

Drinking at the same time, Bucky swallowed in two gulps while you struggled with a sip.

"Jesus fucking Christ it tastes like cat piss now and it did then," you whined, pouring the liquid left in your glass into Bucky's. He laughed at you.

After drinking that down quickly, Bucky reached across the bar and took your hand in his. "Thank you, Y/N. Really."

A toast to finding things that make us less homesick.

…

After the 1940 whiskey, Bucky came in more regularly. He stayed longer, despite the place filling with people. He even began to talk to the other regulars when they sat at the bar and argued with you about politics, the news, and kids these days. You watched him play devil's advocate, siding with the old men, sarcastically poking fun at you with a quick comment every now and then.

You weren't sure when it happened, but you realised Bucky had grown to be comfortable in the space. And there was something about that that made you ridiculously happy. Like, sunbeams bouncing around on the inside of you making you all hot and tingly and full of joy whenever he was there kind of happy. It was gross.

Bucky would walk in, sit, place his cap down and grin at you with his cute little teeth and sparkly blue eyes. It made your day without exception, and you started to notice more little things about him and how they made you feel. When he hooked his hand behind his ear it would make your stomach flip.

One time, when he was telling you a story about carnival rides and baby Steve throwing up, a loose strand of hair fell across his face and you immediately and unconsciously leant across the bar and folded it gently behind his ear for him. Bucky froze, and you went to apologise, but he spoke first. "Thanks," he said softly, with more meaning than the situation called for, then continued on with his story.

It was like that for just over a month. Then he stopped coming in. There was nothing in his final visit to indicate he wasn't coming back. Bucky just disappeared.

CLICK TO READ PART 2/2

[i-guess-im-a-fanfic-writer-now]

A better life (Chapter 13, Avengers x reader)

ayyyyy!!! here’s this chapter, i’m gonna post chapter 14 on the 15th of december, will try my best to get back on track and post every other week though

i hope you enjoy this one! likes, comments, reblogs are greatly appreciated! also, as usual, if you want me to write anything into the tw that isn’t already there, feel free to ask me to do it!

tw: does self doubt count? as in like, doubting that what’s happening is actually Bad? because there’s that closer to the end,,, also, there’s a food thing but it’s only like a “i’m afraid of taking fridge food since it might be someone else’s” kinda thing, and also the word “dumbass” (said by the reader but affectionately? does that make sense?)

Your alarm went off. You slowly opened your eyes, peeking out cautiously from under your covers. You weren’t entirely sure where you were at first, thinking that maybe what happened yesterday was all just a dream, and you were once again in the same apartment as your mother, but you quickly gained awareness of your surroundings. You were still in the Stark Tower.

“Shit”, you whispered, practically jumping out of bed. In just a few seconds, you managed to forget that you had to go to your job. You got ready and headed out, not seeing any of the Avengers on your way out. It was pretty early, and most of them would probably be trying to sleep in, so you figured everything should be fine.

A few hours later, during your lunch break, you decided to quickly go get some of your things from your apartment. You had your set of keys, and since it was still a weekday, you knew that your mother would be at her job, and no one else would be at the apartment. You had to run for a few minutes to make sure you’d have enough time for everything and for getting back to your job.

You unlocked the door, and slid through the hallway. You immediately dashed to your room, your heart beating so hard you could hear it. You found a small luggage in your closet, and decided to use it. You put as many things as you could fit in there: clothes, books, etc., took a few necessities, like your toothbrush and any hygiene products that you needed, zipped the case up, and left the apartment in a hurry, locking the door on your way out. *I’ll come back tomorrow just in case I forgot anything*, you thought.

Luckily, your boss let you place your small luggage into an employees only room, and you finished up the work day in a few more hours. You clocked out, took your luggage, and immediately left for Stark Tower. It looked just as majestic as it did the first time you saw it, but now it was less imposing. It felt a bit more like home. It felt safe.

As soon as you got back to your room, you began unpacking and placing objects into their new space. It looked pretty clean to you, but it was probably cluttered enough for some people to just have no idea how you know where your things are. You didn’t really care if others didn’t understand your organization method. It made sense to you, you vaguely knew where things were supposed to be, and that was enough.

After having changed into comfier clothes to wear in a “home” environment, you checked the clock in the room. It was 4 o’clock in the afternoon. You took a deep breath, and suddenly yawned. You grunted, and headed over to the kitchen, sliding quietly in your socks.

The room was completely empty. You relaxed a bit, put the water on to boil, and quickly went to your room and back, now holding a bowl of dollar store noodle soup.

Suddenly, you heard the noise the lift made when opening. You quickly turned around to face the noise. Tony was standing there, and for a few seconds he just stared at you in confusion. You started kind of panicking internally as he stared at you, even though it lasted mere seconds.

He walked up to you and nodded at the dollar store bowl in your hands.

“Hey, why you eating that? Kid, you know there’s food, right? You can have the food. There’s plenty here”, he nodded towards the fridge and freezers standing close to another counter. For a moment, it looked like he froze, and he then looked at you. “Are you, like, allowed to come and go to the kitchen when your mother’s around?”

You shrugged awkwardly. “She’s kind of scary, I uh, I tend to avoid her. I kind of usually go to the kitchen at night. And she could randomly decide that she wanted something despite telling me she didn’t want it, so I’ve just been trying not to inconvenience her, you know.” You looked down to the floor. “Ramen’s better than nothing, so..”

“You can take any food you want at any time, Y/N, alright? Like, unless someone’s name is actually on it, it’s free to eat. You can have anything you like.”

“Thank you, Mister Stark”, you smiled awkwardly, flicking your gaze to him for half a second. You noticed you were fidgeting, so you shoved your hands into your pockets.

“Want a hug?”

You looked at him, and he opened his arms. You nodded and he gently enveloped you in his arms. 

“Thank you”, you said. You tried to hug him back, feeling a bit unsure: you didn’t really know how hugs worked, and accidentally being awkward would be, well, awkward. Tony was going to be your legal guardian, or at least one of them, pretty soon, and you were scared of doing something that would make him not want to have you around anymore, even though you technically knew this wouldn’t happen.

You stayed like that for maybe half a dozen seconds when you both let go, and he went over to the coffee maker, immediately getting everything he needed for it. The dollar store ramen was already open, so you just made it and decided to get some actual food later on, after you finished what you already had.

Tony sat down into a couch, his coffee mug in front of him on a small table, and he then just half lied down, letting out a small groan. He grabbed a remote from the table and turned on the tv, putting it on a low volume. He looked pretty tired.

When you finished eating the ramen, you were still hungry, so you went over and got something from the fridge, making sure a dozen times that it didn’t belong to anyone. You heated it up and ate it slower than usual, trying to enjoy the taste of it. 

Closer to when you were done, you started hearing some sort of noise. Desperately trying to find the source of the repetitive noise, you looked around and quickly found it: Tony was just chilling in front of the tv, snoring. He must’ve been really tired. You cleaned up your plate, grabbed a blanket, and placed it onto him so he wouldn’t freeze, and then you moved the coffee mug further away from the edge of the table: it wouldn’t be pleasant for him if he suddenly woke up and accidentally pushed the mug off the table, or if he broke something and got hurt because of it.

You left the common room and decided to stay in your room for a while. You took your laptop and headphones out of your bag, putting your music on shuffle and sitting down at the work table in the room and simultaneously adjusting the height of the chair. After skipping 9 songs until you found the one you wanted, you closed your eyes and inhaled deeply, lying back into the chair.

A bit later, you checked the time. You blinked repeatedly, unsure that what you were seeing was real; it was 7pm. You’d been listening to music for over two hours, but it felt like maybe half an hour had passed.

You got up and dragged yourself over to the bed, lying face down and wrapping yourself into blankets for maximum comfort and warmth, and you curled up into a ball, all while still wearing your headphones. You didn’t even remember closing your eyes, but you just passed out. 

A bit over two hours later, there was a gentle knock on the door, but it still managed to wake you up in a brief panic.

Natasha’s voice started quietly, but then grew just a bit louder.

“Hey, Y/N, just wanted to say that it’s like, dinner time, so feel free to come out and hang around with us all in the common room. Yeah.”

You kept quiet, weighing out the pros and cons of joining a large gathering and decided against it.

*I Do Not have energy for this right now*, you thought, despite still feeling thankful that Natasha thought of you.

You buried yourself deeper into the blankets and stayed there, almost unmoving, and just breathing slowly for what felt like forever, until it became too hot and you took the blankets off yourself. You were still in your day clothes since you didn’t plan on actually falling asleep. You stretched, groaning quietly, still lying down, and caught yourself just as you were about to roll of the bed and fall onto the floor.

*Fuck, I want tea. But there’s a gathering going on. Dammit. Eh, I’ll just, maybe, wait like, an hour? Yeah, yeah, that’s fine. An hour. I’ll get tea at like, 10. Should be less people there then. This is fine. Might as well do something while waiting.*

 You sat in front of your laptop, opened it, and started scrolling through Youtube, looking for fun things to watch while doing nothing. Staring periodically at the clock, you got increasingly annoyed: time seemed to move really slowly for some reason, and though you could swear you just watched two 15 minute long videos, the clock showed that not even 10 minutes passed since 9pm. You were starting to get hungry despite having eaten a few hours ago, and you felt your stomach growl already.

Grabbing a book, you sat down onto the carpeted floor in front of the couch, your back propped against it. You just needed to distract yourself until you could stand leaving the room and hopefully not have to talk to a bunch of people.

Reading was practically impossible: you couldn’t actually concentrate at the moment, and it really didn’t help that you either over concentrated on things or your attention span was so short that you couldn’t keep yourself occupied for longer than a minute, and even then, you had no idea what happened within that minute.

You just decided to put an alarm for 10pm in case you got distracted.

Suddenly, a notification popped up on your phone, and then another. The first one was Peter, and you immediately clicked it to read his message.

- Ayy, what’s up? (P.P.)

- hey, not much, chilling at the Stark Tower

they’re having some sort of evening gathering and i’m just honestly too dead and overwhelmed to join them

you? (Y/N)

- that’s nice! i’m glad you’re staying there lately!!

oOf, big mood, gatherings are like, Exhausting and just Too Much sometimes

just got back from swinging around the city, i am tired as h * c k (P.P.)

- dude why did you censor heck (Y/N)

- how dare, this is a swear free minecraft server, you can’t say Bad Words here that’s Illegal (P.P.)

- asfjfjak go to sleep (Y/N)

- *uno reverse card picture* (P.P.)

- noo i’m waiting so people leave so i can get food 

seriously tho go to sleep if you’re exhausted, i just had an accidental two hours long nap so i’ll be alright for a bit (Y/N)

- ight fine i’ll go to sleep, good night Y/N (P.P.)

You smiled and sent him a good night message back.

“Dumbass spider”, you said quietly.

Another notification appeared. This was a text from your mother, which freaked you out a bit, but it said “call me”, so you couldn’t really do anything about being scared at the moment. You dialled her number and waited, full of dread, for her to answer. When she finally answered, you said a quiet “hi” to her. She asked you how things were going, and you played along, saying everything was good while really trying not to sound like you were panicking.

Less than a few minutes later, she said her goodbyes. Doubts started creeping into your mind. *What if I’m wrong and she’s actually really nice? What if she’s only like that to me sometimes because I’m just,, Bad? Maybe I made a mistake by telling mister Stark.. she’s nice to me sometimes, what if it’s like, okay?” You started feeling a bit uneasy, afraid that you were making a huge mistake by asking him to help you with getting out of the situation with your mother.

You hugged your knees and stared at the floor, overthinking this one interaction with her. *What if she’s actually really mad at me and when she sees me back there again she’ll show her anger? What if she somehow found out that I told mister Stark?*

[tessasangeltom]

NSFW Alphabet: Harry Holland

Author’s Note: An anon requested this sooo long ago and I wish I posted this sooner but Im trying to get everything together rn with some stuff. Everything written will be updated quicker, I promise. Requests are open! And thank you everyone for getting me to 1k followers! EEE im so ecited. I love you all ♥

A: Anal

Harry wouldn’t be so into it as much as you think. It would be something that would come up in a conversation between you and him randomly. But once you guys talked about it, you said “fuck it” and decided to do it anyways and you both end up really liking, only doing it once in a while though.

B: Boobs

Boobs. Tits. Breasts. Juggers. Doesn’t matter to you or him what their called, he loves them. He loves the way they fit perfectly in his hands and how they feel on his mouth. He uses them as comfort like pillows, or something to grab at when you guys are cuddling just to pass the time. It doesn’t matter, he loves them anyway anytime he can get them.

C: Cum

One of his favorite things to cum on are your boobs. He finds it the sexiest thing ever with his cum painted on your chest like a Bob Ross painting. Whiteness all over your moving chest, face red and hair all fucked out of its ponytail. Woah 

D: Doggy Style

This position has him screaming out your name louder than you scream his. Deep and hard is how you both like it, and this position is perfectly fitting. Your back arched, ass sticking out, and your limbs shaking constantly. His thrust get sloppier and sloppier until you both are too sensitive to keep going, then he ends up collapsing on your back, covering your body with his. 

E: Eyes

Harry’s eyes provide you the most comfort you’ve ever experienced. Yet they show the high fierceness you’ve never witnessed before. His eyes reveal his incoming actions, with mischief or gentleness, you know what’s coming for you when you look at his gaze.

F: Food

When you said you wanted to try something new, for some reason the first thing that came to Harry’s mind was food. Nothing to specific, all he knew was that he wanted to try it. More or less, you guys weren’t fond of the outcome: the stickiness and the clean up. But if it didn’t work in the bedroom, you guys found other ways to make it up, like you sucking in lollipops or Popsicles, shit drove him wild.

G: G-Spot 

Hitting it or not, it didn’t matter, Harry was a fucking legend in the bedroom. Whether it be his tongue, fingers or dick game. He knew all the ways to drive you crazy. When you spread your legs for him, you know your for a crazy ride, gentle or not.

H: Hair

Damn, Harry and his wild curls. It’s one of your favorite physical things about him. Between your legs, all you see are his brown curls bouncing left and right along with his mouth and tongue moving on you. You can feel them against your thighs; soft and fluffy, teasing and tickling, comforting and playful. 

I: Initiative (who starts first) 

It’s mainly you that starts it first. Harry is a pretty chilled laid out guy that can be playful at times, so he doesn’t trigger things much unless it’s one of those rare times when he really needs you. He loves that you initiate it first though, it saves him from the constant blushing and shyness of probably not knowing what to do or say next, even when you explained that he doesn’t need to be around you.

J: Jacking off

One of his favorite things to watch you do is touch yourself. Harry probably likes to watch or look at you, taking private photos of your hand rubbing on your clit furiously while looking at him. Or even without the camera and it’s just you and him alone, he likes to guide your hands to your heat and instruct you what to do.

K: Kink

It’s known. The fans know it (even though it will never be said outside of the bedroom), you know it, he knows it, even Tom accidentally knows it. But that’s beside the point, it’s the pictures. The photographs, Polaroid or not. All different types of them. They range from you sleeping in his shirt with bed head all over the place, to his cum shot on your arched back. Harry hid them as best he could though, but Tom wanted to find the watch he let his little brother use. Instead he came across an exotic photo of you with your lips wrapped around his brother’s cock and eyes looking up at the camera as innocent as can be. 

L: Location

It’s only been once but his favorite place to do it is on a beach. Tom has a small bungalow on a private beach and Harry uses it once in a while, the last time made him realize that he’ll definitely come back more often. A white bikini with thin frillies that you bought was his favorite; easy to put on, easy to swim in, and easy to take it off. Seeing you in it the first time had him on top of you, groaning loudly as he entered your tight pussy, and his curls rubbing on your ear with his head buried in your neck.

M: Mouth

The kisses: sloppy, gentle, rough, passionate, wet, small, the list goes on and on. So many types of kisses you both express your love with that at some point you’re going to run out. Small little pecks in the morning when you wake up next to each other, short kisses when you say goodbye, rough ones while his hands hold onto the back of your neck when your grinding into one another. Forever it goes on but you never want it to stop.

N: No

He would, under no circumstance, ever choke you. You didn’t like it, feeling scared, not wanting anyone but yourself to have the power to end your life or not. He didn’t even like it himself. The one time you guys tried it, it gave him an uncomfortable feeling. He felt too violent, too rough on you. You guys stopped immediately, vowing never to do it again.

O: Oral

Giving and receiving are you and Harry’s favorite thing to do. Lips on each other, breaths lost. From the views below, you see the other’s chest rising, hair spread, and lips parted. Maons escape the other’s mouth and you never get used to it.

P: Part

Your lips drove him crazy. Soft and sweet, he couldn’t get enough of them. So smooth against his own, its like a drug; takes one hit, has to have more the next time. For you, his hair. Those crazy curls had you smiling at all cost, scrunching your nose when they tickle your face and moaning louder when they rub against your thighs when his head is in between them.

Q: Quiet

Neither of you are either too loud or too quiet. But the moans and whimpers that come out your mouth make him feel like the world is empty and only you two are on it. It makes him feel like every single noise you make, sexual or not, are for only him to hear. So private, and secluded that he feels as he deserves it.

R: Rhythm

There’s never really a rhythm with you two, just together. You guys rock your bodies with the other to be in sync, skin in contact and sweat dripping. No specific speed, no erraticness, just the two of you and no other need than that.

S: Sexy

Its the little things with you. He loves the way you walk away, the way you click the remote, the way you move your mouth when you eat something. Just the way you move has him thinking how you move your body and mouth on his. With him, its his passion. The passion he has for everything he does, even if its something so small, makes you aww and wet at the same time. He has the same passion in bed as he does outside the bedroom and you know it.

T: Top

There’s a special neediness when Harry’s on top. He spreads your legs, hiking one up in his hand to have a better angle, and he goes in. He buries his face into your shoulder, so deep to the point where his curls are touching the back of your neck and gives sloppy kisses to the skin there. He dives his hips into yours, rubbing his pelvis into your clit and keeps moving faster and faster until you both are too sensitive to keep going.

U: Unprotected

Everything is so much more enhanced when you guys fuck raw. Skin to skin, wetness grows with every second, your walls clench more often than you think, everything is touching and it builds to the fire. 

V: Virgin

Harry wasn’t a virgin when you met him but you were. He was gentle with you your first time, there was no reason why you didn’t want to give yourself to him. He always asked if you were okay, taking it slow, and focusing on what you wanted.

W: Wetness

It’s all over him; his fingers when he trails them down your slit, his mouth when he’s fucking you with his tongue and sucking on your clit harshly, his cock when he’s teasing you with the head. And he fucking loves it, he’ll drown in it if he could, and he’s actually trying to make that possible. 

X: X-Ray

It doesn’t really matter what size Harry is, you have nothing to compare it to. But he really was bigger than you thought he was gonna be, but you’re not complaining.

Y: Yearning

With passions ignited and sparks flown, the yearning you guys had for each other was almost overwhelming. When you guys are away from the other for so long, the urges become more powerful and neither of you can resist.

Z: Zzz

It takes a while for him to fall asleep, stroking your hair to make you drift off. You guys would have small conversations, barely remembered and cheek kisses exchanged. He would fall asleep with his head on your chest, and your arms around his.

~~~