#all these people acting like Sean has changed into some kinda bad person or whatever are so exhausting

[spongeyspot]

Toxic Traits/Red Flags HC

Characters: Arthur, Javier, John, Lenny, Dutch, Micah, Charles, Sean, Hosea, Mary Beth, Abigail, Tilly, Karen, Sadie, Molly

(A/N): WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS DAWG. I LOVED @cowboyfromh3ll 's take on that shit sm and these hcs have literally been swimming in my head for weeeeeeeeks bro

Edit: some of these were kinda hard because there's not a lot of bad in the characters themselves... I had trouble with specifically Charles, Lenny, Mary Beth, and Tilly. Sorry if they may be OOC. IM EVEN DOING THE GIRLS BECAUSE IM IN A SILLY GOOFY MOOD

Content Warning: female reader, jealousy, self hate, narcissism, gaslighting, physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, mentions of murder and violence, mentions of infidelity, mentions of sex (Sean, Micah, Sadie kind of) (MINORS DNI)

Not edited btw

The boys

Arthur Morgan

- Honestly, I feel like Arthur would have this insane, crippling fear of rejection, especially when it comes to dating. - His self hate/deprecation plays a huge part in this, and quite honestly, him and Mary not working out probably also probably contributed to it. - Very emotionally distant. Has a hard time expressing his feelings openly due to that same fear of rejection.🚩 - Bottles shit up until he feels like he's gonna explode 🚩 - His impulse control is almost nonexistent 🚩 - Will resort to saying things that he doesn't even mean. He just says things when he's angry🚩 - Will hate himself even more if he makes you cry - Won't hesitate to run away from camp for a while to cool off. This isn't necessarily a bad thing per se, but he usually takes his time away to overthink the fuck out of everything - Prone to acting violent. (not to someone he cared about, but to other people, absolutely)Also due to his poor impulse control. 🚩

Javier Escuella

- Has a flirty personality, but around women, it just seems to get worse. 🚩 - Tells you you're overreacting if you tell him it bothers you🚩 - Overprotective of you. Always has his eyes on you, and practically orders you to stay in camp where it's safe. - As if you step one foot outside the camp without him, you'll spontaneously drop dead - Jealous asf. Are you laughing at what Bill just said? It wasn't even that funny. Why are you standing so close to him? You should be at least 6 feet away from him, not 5 and a half. 🚩 - Also has a problem with how you dress sometimes. God forbid your shirt is ever low cut. He'd probably ask you to change. 🚩 - And if you get offended or upset, he'll lie and tell you it's because he can't stop staring at your chest, and he'd like to focus of whatever it was he was doing.🚩

John Marston

- Stubborn as all hell. Doesn't listen to anybody for anything.🚩 - Commitment issues up the ass - Says mean things out of anger and sometimes actually means them 🚩 - Won't apologize half the time. He thinks kissing it better actually makes it better 🚩 - Regularly ignores his own bad habits instead of actually facing them 🚩 - Will run away from problems like Arthur, but worse. He'd be gone a really long time.🚩 - Gets annoyed with you if you get angry at him for leaving and staying away for a while. He told you he needed space, didn't he? What else do you need from him?? 🚩 - Ignorantly clueless half the time. Head empty, no thoughts.

Lenny Summers

- Not assertive in the slightest, and usually, respectfully, keeps to himself. -Takes orders without verbal complaints but inside he's annoyed as fuck 🚩 - Even if he hates doing something he'll probably just go "Okay" and do it anyway, and he'll sulk all day afterwards - Refuses to tell you what's wrong because he thinks he'll sound childish.🚩 - If you push the issue, he might snap at you out of annoyance like "Would you just let it be??" - Immediately feels guilty and shameful, and he'll hide away until he's ready to apologize and face you again - Also kind of a know-it-all... He'll correct you a LOT. It would get annoying 🚩 - Would blatantly tell you you're wrong before correcting you🚩 - Not necessarily an asshole about it but he still tends to get under your skin sometimes

Dutch Van Der Linde

- The BIGGEST Narcissist you'll ever meet.🚩 -He loses another piece of his mental state with every breath he takes. Slowly but surely losing his mind.🚩 - King of gaslighting🚩 - How could you even think that about him? He could never do anything wrong! You must be crazy...🚩 - Tries to recite his "pretty words" from Evelyn Miller to try and sound smarter than he actually is 🚩 - Expects you to just feed his ego without him actually doing anything to earn it🚩 - Will try to correct you even when he's wrong🚩 - Refuses to admit he's wrong. He can never be wrong. That word isn't even in his vocabulary unless he's talking about literally anyone but himself🚩

Micah Bell

- Where do I even start with this guy - Not above putting his hands on you if he doesn't get his way. Let's be honest here.🚩 - Mega Narccisist, almost as bad as Dutch 🚩 - Will brag and share every sexual encounter you've ever had with him like he's talking about the weather🚩 - VERY prone to Violence 🚩 - NO impulse control. Murders people for fun.🚩 - Backhanded and borderline abusive compliments 24/7 "You'd look so good if you weren't so fucking fat..." 🚩 - Selfish lover. Thinks just sticking it in will do the trick, and it does, for him at least.🚩 - Little to no affection. What are you? His girlfriend? Wait...🚩 -If he actually does show you affection, and you react in surprise, he'll tell you to go fuck yourself, and that that's the last time he ever does anything nice for you.🚩

Charles Smith

- Impossible to read sometimes - Like Arthur, Charles tends to keep a lot of his emotions bottled up until he feels like he's gonna pop 🚩 - Like most of the men in the Van Der Linde gang, Charles is also prone to acting violently. I mean, he started a bar fight with a fucking chair, and he fights in street fighting rings, let's be real for a second.🚩 - He's incredibly quiet and reserved a lot of the time, and sometimes you just assume that he's listening to you when you talk, but a lot of the time, he's lost in his own thoughts. - Will do everything anyone asks him to at the expense of his own free time and energy, and sometimes he works himself to exhaustion just to try and please everyone.🚩 - In doing so, he sometimes doesn't have time for himself at the end of the day. It also seems like you spend time together less and less as the days go on. - If he ever got himself hurt and you tried to help him, he'd decline any help with anything to save his own pride. The last thing he needs is you thinking he's weak. 🚩 - Extremely Overprotective. Like to the point where he'd beat the shit out of anybody you asked him to🚩

Sean Macguire

- An Alcoholic🚩 - horny 99% of the time, but half that time he probably has whiskey dick. Still asks you to try but doesn't understand that it's like trying to play pool with a rope... - If he can manage to be sober enough to actually get it up, and you're not in the mood, he'd get pissy and annoyed with you for "wasting his boner" 🚩 - Will probably also brag about having sex with you to everyone🚩 - Needy as all hell - Bro sulks on purpose - Low key loves the attention you give him when you continue to ask him what's wrong, but he never actually tells you and constantly says "I'm fine..." or "It's nothing..." 🚩 - But then sighs dramatically and continues sulking and dragging his feet so you keep giving him more attention 🚩

Hosea Matthews

- Ignores his physical health until he's practically dying. You've told him to get that cough looked at for literal years and he just says "I will" and does nothing 🚩 - sometimes talks to you as if you're a child especially if he's around Dutch -low key gaslights you sometimes 🚩 - and he says it with such a gentle tone, its hard to catch it 🚩

The girls

Mary Beth Gaskill

- Daydreams way too much - Likes to live in her romance novel fantasy land rather than face reality 🚩 - Cries a lot - Tries to be angry but can't help but cry instead - If crying makes you feel bad for her, she'll probably do it on purpose so you comfort her and give her attention🚩 -If you're in a fight, she'll turn on the crocodile tears to get you to stop being angry with her or whatever it is you're arguing about.🚩

Abigail Roberts

- She can be verbally abusive if she's pushed far enough 🚩 - Holds in a lot of her emotions🚩 - Neglectful of her own personal needs to make sure you or Jack are fully provided or cared for🚩 - a lot of the time, when she's upset with you, you're probably given the cold shoulder and the silent treatment - incredibly protective. Not necessarily a bad thing, but she can sometimes be super overbearing.

Tilly Jackson

- Tells it how she sees it, sometimes accidentally sounding a lot colder than she means to 🚩 - Too sarcastic for her own good 🚩 - Laughs a little too much sometimes when you tell a joke, and you can often tell it's actually incredibly fake🚩 - gets irritated really easily, especially if she's bothered while doing her chores. The last thing she needs is Grimshaw on her ass again.🚩 - irritable a lot of the time, unintentionally becoming short or snapping at you - like john, she also believes that kissing it better is better than actually apologizing

Karen Jones

- An alcoholic 🚩 - picks fights with you for fun, finds it entertaining to see how red your face can get from anger 🚩 - Screaming matches are a regular occurance between you guys, and she starts it almost every time 🚩 - Pretty jealous when it comes to the opposite sex🚩 - Has self doubt and believes that she can't give you everything a man probably could

Sadie Adler

- The nosiest woman in America. No chill. She reads everyone's mail. - Makes a lot of loose threats 🚩 - Anger issues🚩 - Low impulse control🚩 - Can be a little too rough sometimes 🚩 - If she's upset with you, she'll either yell or storm off. Sometimes both. 🚩 -(She tends to walk away a lot more often because she's actuall self aware that her anger issues are a problem) - She'd never admit that to you though.

Molly O'Shea

- Even more jealous than Javier🚩 - Glares at and envies anyone you talk to that isn't her🚩 - Has immaginary conversations with people in her head🚩 - Rubbing her hands together when the real life conversations are following the script she had planned out in her brain - Needs constant reassurance - "D'you even love me anymore?!"🚩 - Overthinks everything 🚩 - Paranoid as hell about infidelity - Gets mad at you when she dreams about you cheating on her🚩

[isa-ghost]

idk man i dont wanna say anything but i gotta dump these thoughts out, theyre driving me crazy

its long and rambly so idk, warning?? :/

edit: oh my god it was so much fucking longer and a bunch of stuff i said isnt there that might change how someone might want to reply to this, bc apparently theres a fucking tag limit tumblr didnt notify me of when i reached it i want to CHUG CLOROX FUCKING CHRIST

and i said not to reblog, PLEASE instead send asks or reply to the post at the end so guess i gotta say that here now thanks tumblr you fuck

[ttuesday]

Hi! Could you do one where the fellers take care/react to a reader who has depression and is having a bad day/few days? Thank you! <3 <3 <3

I hope you get through this slump anon, honestly I’ve felt the same way too recently but I’m sure we’re both gonna get through this wave of bad days <3

Arthur

Arthur noticed your change in mood after the first day. He could tell something was off but he didn’t want to push you for answers. He had asked you if you were ok and you’d always reply saying you were fine, though that was an obvious lie. 

After a few days and seeing no improvement in your mode, Arthur decides to push you a little more. This time after you said you were yet again ‘fine’, he sighs “You sure? You seem down lately”. He isn’t great with his words and scared of saying the wrong thing.

He knows that whenever he feels down that saying around camp can do more harm than good, so Arthur suggests you go stake out Cornwall’s factory with him for a mission. Nothing much happens but giving your mind something else to focus on certainly helps.

If you do decide to tell Arthur about how you’re feeling, he stays quiet and nods along to everything you say. Even if you only tell him a small bit, he feels honoured that you trust him enough to say it and he makes sure you know that no matter what, he’s always going to be there for you.

Charles

Charles could tell from your demeanour that something wasn’t right. It’s the little things Charles picked up on, like how you now had to force a smile more often or how you always seemed distracted during conversations. 

Charles overheard a few of the others asking if you were ok and you always gave the same answer so he didn’t bother asking you that question again. Instead he asks if you’ll go hunting with him. He tells you how he needed an extra pair of hands acts totally casual .

After a nice ride through the forest and some relaxed conversation, Charles leads you through to a small opening where he apparently saw some deer. He hopes being out in nature and away from everyone will help your mind relax.

He doesn’t push you to talk about how you feel, Charles just wants you to have a good time and to have a genuine smile on your face. If you want to talk about your feelings then Charles is happy to listen and try to come up with solutions but ultimately he just wants you to have a good day.

Dutch

It took Dutch a few days to fully realise you were feeling down but he does notice it eventually. First he just presumed that you were feeling down because a job didn’t go to plan but he got worried when you’re mood didn’t seem to lighten.

His first approach to trying to cheer you up is by giving you materialistic goods. Dutch surprises you by giving you a shiny new pocket watch he just so happened to ‘find’ somewhere and he even gives you some money form the donations box and tells you to buy yourself something nice.

But Dutch can see that his plan didn’t work. Sure materialistic items are nice but they didn’t change how you were feeling. It’s times like this Dutch is happy he has Hosea to give him some advice on how to help you.

While the gang is distracted serving up dinner, Dutch pulls you aside and says “I know you haven’t been yourself lately and I know I can’t make you talk to me but if you ever feel like chatting, I’m always here for you”. He doesn’t want you to feel forced into talking but Dutch wants to make sure you know he’s there.

Micah

Micah knows this sounds kinda creepy but he likes to keep an eye on you when you’re in camp. So because of this, it’s actually pretty obvious to him when your mood changes.

When he tries to get you to open up first, he’s very abrupt and straight out asks you what’s wrong with you. But when he realises this method only pushes you further away from him, he attempts to take a more relaxed and calm approach.

When he sees you’ve trailed off by the edge of camp, Micah follows you out with two glasses and a bottle of whiskey. He’s always found it easier to talk when he’s had a drink and he’s hoping you’ll feel the same. 

He doesn’t expect you to tell him all about how you feel but if being there and occasionally annoying you works as a distraction from that dreadful feeling, then he’s happy to do that. He wants you to feel like you can tell him things like this, even though he understands he ain’t the most trustworthy person out there.

John

John can be kinda awkward at times and sure, he doesn’t know how to have those deep emotional conversations but he cares about you and genuinely wants the best for you.

He tries to be subtle about it and says little comments every now and again like “Well you know where I am if you wanna talk” or he’ll compliment you throughout the day, just to make sure you know how great you are as a person.

But when he sees you’re not feeling any better, he starts to worry. On the outside it’s easy to see John as someone who doesn’t notice the change within you but the truth is John sees it but he’s scared that if he brings it up, he’ll accidentally make it worse. 

In the end, John goes with what he feels in the moment. Seeing the sad, drained look on your face, John’s almost sure his heart is breaking. Sighing, he holds out his arms and says “C’mere”. John hugs your for as long as you need, not daring to let go first. Sometimes you’d be surprised how great a hug can be.

Javier

Javier likes seeing your smile. It’s the one thing that’s guaranteed to make his day better. One of his favourite things in the world is making you smile, especially since it gives him that butterfly feeling in his stomach. So he’s recognises when your smile seems too forced or as though you’re smiling without genuinely feeling happy.

Javier sits with you and reminisces about old memories, hoping stories of goofy robberies that somehow didn’t get ye killed would make you smile. And it works! …but only for a little while.

Javier knows that this feeling comes and goes, and that sometimes it can seem like it’s in the background of your mind for weeks. When he first left Mexico, he had strong feelings like this too so he knows how each day can differ and how the feeling fluctuates.

But Javier tells you he’ll be by your side for all of it. He wants to be the shoulder you cry on and for the nights that seem long and dark, he’s there. He lets you rest your head on his lap and Javier hums a few songs as he runs his fingers through your hair.

Bill

We all know what Bill is like. It can take him a while to understand how you feel but the main thing is he tries to help in whatever way he can. At first he thinks that you just feel sad over something. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal and Bill just thinks the feeling will fade in a few days. But it doesn’t.

Something that always helps Bill destress and forget about life’s problems for a while is playing with Cain. He’s convinced that dog has superpowers cause Bill’s in a good mood whenever Cain comes around. One day when Cain comes over to Bill for some belly rubs, Bill gets you to join in too.

You spend the rest of the afternoon with the two of them, using Bill’s bandana to play tug of war with Cain and laughing when Cain flops down on Bill, tired from all the games. 

As ye relax, Bill distracts you some more by telling you a few stories, like when he drunkenly mistook a cow for his horse. Bill doesn’t care if he has to tell you a thousand stories and pet a thousand dogs with you, if it’ll make you smile again then he’s willing to do it.

Sean

Sean wants to be the most helpful person ever. He wants to be there for you through it all, holding your hand each step on the way. Seriously, when Sean sees the shift in your mood and notices you aren’t your usual self then he holds on to your hand and doesn’t plan on letting go anytime soon.

Anytime you want to talk, Sean has no problem stopping whatever he’s doing and giving you his undivided attention. You’re so goddamn special to him and he’s scared of losing you, so he puts 110% into making you feel more comfortable in yourself.

Whenever Sean hears about a robbery or sets up a job, he always brings you along, whether you wanna go or not. He doesn’t think staying around camp all the time is good for you so whenever he goes out, he drags you out with him for a change of scenery

Does Sean know what he’s doing or if he’s helping you overcome this? No, he’s just winging it but this man will literally do anything if it means getting you out of this slump.  

Hosea

This is Hosea, of course he notices when you become more reclusive and depressed. Hosea’s a strong believer in love and support helping people get through anything, and so that’s what he gives you. 

It doesn’t matter where ye are, what time of day it is or if you’re in the middle of a shootout, if you need Hosea then he’s there to reassure you and tell you everything’s going to be alright.

He understands how it can be hard to talk about things like this and how sometimes it feels like you can’t put your emotions into the right words. If you try to talk about how you feel but start to get upset, then Hosea stops you and instead suggests you just sit with him for a while and wait for the feeling to pass.

He never tries to pressure you into talking and if anyone gets pissed off cause you’re not ‘pulling your weight’ around camp then Hosea becomes absolutely furious with them, unholstering his gun making sure the person knows they’re a fool for saying such a thing.

[irishmacguirefucker]

Truths

Or alternatively, Karen jones weasels the ranch plan out of Sean and then has a brief crisis about it

(3150 words! holy shit its long but i hope its a good read bc i worked hard on it and im pretty proud of it. You should probably read Seans hcs first buts its not necessary)

Karen Jones is not a particularly optimistic person. She wouldn't say pessimistic persay, maybe more of a realist.

There were a lot of things she felt were ultimate truths. Women would never be treated equally to men or allowed to vote, she would always despise the hot weather, she would never be good at embroidery, and she would die as she lived. Nothing but another forgotten criminal. Another gang member shot down and swept underneath the rug that was the new century.

She was sure that was what happened to Sean. Dutch says he was captured but in Karens book he may as well have died on that boat job.

But one day, somehow, those truths she clung to seemed to be wavering.

When Tilly and Mary-Beth spoke of the women in Rhodes and San Denis, or even places further like New York, fighting for their right to vote and be equal she tried to brush it off.

But it stuck out in her brain. Was the world changing? Could things be different? Sadie Adler was running around in pants like it already had for her. Maybe she was a pessimist, not a realist.

Things were changing, she could feel it. And not just in the world of politics and women's rights. (not that she thought herself much of a scholar in that area)

There were whispers around camp, Hosea left for a long time and when he came back he had a look in his eye that she just couldn't decipher. But then suddenly that look seemed to be catching on all around her. First in Arthur, though whatever was happening seemed to have put Dutch in a very grim mood.

Next it was John and Abigail Marston. Suddenly they were fighting less, and speaking in low whispers like schemers plotting some plan that Karen was still desperately trying to figure out.

The final straw was Ms. Grimshaw. She had that look in her eyes just like the rest and suddenly she was ordering the girls to start looking for legal money, legitimate jobs for the gang to get done. Suddenly, she wasn't the only suspicious one anymore.

Things stayed that way for a while, looking for legal money with sob stories and not so innocent flirting to find jobs. And it was weird, and suspicious but no matter how much she grilled Grimshaw for it, that woman was locked tighter than the bank safes they used to rob. (Used to. How incredibly odd to think that they aren't anymore)

And then suddenly, Sean Macguire was back. He was alive and safe and only a little worse for wear. Karen Jones' solid truths were all being broken and the return of the man she -was pretty sure she- loved was the last crack she could handle.

She wanted so many things at once in that moment. She wanted rum, she wanted to run to his arms and never let go, she wanted to mount old belle and escape, she wanted to curl up in one of the wagons and cry

But she did none of those things. Instead she took his greeting to her as she always had, sarcastic yet flirty, the way they had always been. Because that little game of thiers, the dancing around each other but knowing deep down (at least she thinks he knows) that she is his and he is hers.

If she changed that game, broke another solid truth that she was desperately trying to hold onto, she would be broken open and the world would suddenly become unpredictable and scary.

So she drank her beer, sat in his lap, kissed Sean, slapped him, kissed him once more and then took him to bed. And while that whole mess wasn’t the greatest experience on her end, she practically had to run from that tent because Sean had about a thousand new scars and bruises and she wasn't about the cry over it in his face. Naked. After bad sex.

After the night of Seans reunion with the gang, he seemed to hang around her a little more. Not much more than before, but now it was rare if he wasn't hanging off her skirts around camp. And she couldn't complain because she did miss him terribly, no matter what she said to his face.

In some ways she found it hard to face Hosea anymore. Right before he left on his apparently life changing trip, she had gotten particularly wasted and cried on the old man's shoulder, clinging to one of Sean’s vests.

She actually admitted, out loud that she thinks she might love Sean, but she was so sure he was dead she didn't know what to do with that thought anymore. That ‘almost’ that was floating in her head as she grieved.

When Sean came back, suddenly the memory of her drunken confession did too, and Hosea always seemed to have this weird soft smile when her and Sean spent time together. So she kinda had to avoid Hosea for a while

At some point she saw Hosea and Sean having what looked to be a deep conversation and she prayed to the god she was entirely unsure even existed that Hosea wouldn't share her secret.

Of course he didn't, and she felt a little guilty that she even thought that about the man who was in so many ways a father figure to her. But he told Sean something because suddenly, even Sean had that look in his eye.

The plotting, scheming, planning look that was catching around the camp like a disease and suddenly, she would pay any amount of money to know just what they were plotting. She knows that it's big, bigger than anything they have even done.

Sean was never able to keep a secret from her for very long. She knew that if she got on his case about it he would likely spill, so thats exactly what she did. But then suddenly Sean was no longer hanging off her skirts, and seemed to be avoiding her as much as he could.

His absence from her side was obvious. There was nobody pestering her (other than grimshaw), nobody sitting with her while she drank her morning coffee, nobody sneaking up behind her to spin her around just to see her get all flushed and mad, nobody to give her a cheeky kiss as he promised not to do it again with his fingers crossed behind his back.

Karen Jones is far from stupid, she knows that she must have been getting close to something if Sean was leaving her alone on his own free will.

So finally she caught him on guard duty. It was near the end of his shift and she made her way into the trees that hid their camp from the world.

She knew what she wanted to say, but once they locked eyes he immediately looked so nervous that she almost laughed at the shifting feet and darting eyes of the man in front of her.

She nearly forgot she had brought him a mug of coffee, and handed it to him wordlessly. He thanked her quietly and then everything was silent. Far too silent to be normal for Sean “I never stop talking even when I’m in mortal danger” Macguire.

“You’re awfully quiet Sean, ain't like you.”

A pause. More darting eyes. “Ah yes well I'm on duty, can't let those bastards out the woods hear me talking up a storm.”

Another pause. A chuckle under Karen's breath.

“Ain’t never stopped you before.”

Briefly he smiled, and looked into the blonde’s eyes. “That it hasn’t Karen my love, but I'm not looking to get another cuff up the back of me head from Hosea for forgetting to keep me fuckin’ mouth shut.”

For a moment he looked like he might start acting normally again before he remembered just why he was avoiding her. Suddenly he was staring at his boots once more. Some guard he is.

“Right. You and Hosea been talking a lot lately. In fact, a lot of people seem to be talkin’ with Hosea ‘cept me it seems.” That was her own fault for avoiding him, but she wouldn't say that.

Sean looked uncomfortable with this conversation, looking past Karen to see if anyone was on their way to take his shift. She hoped that meant she was close to cracking him.

“Ah yes well, you know how it is with the old man. Always wanting to have long discussions about the glory days, or give ya advice ya didn't ask for.”

“I suppose. But you know what I think Sean?”

Sean has never looked this nervous before she thinks.

“What's that love?” Bold of him to ask anyways, she will give him that.

“I think yall are plotting something, and you're keeping secrets Mr. Macguire.”

She watched as the irish man stiffened, took a look around, threw back his coffee and sighed. They both knew he wouldn't be able to keep anything from her for long, perhaps he was finally accepting that.

“I just might be Ms. Jones, but I hardly think it's much of your business to be pryin’ it out of me is it?”

Sean hardly sounded like himself to her ears. Sure, he could be nasty out on a job but never to her. She considered this man to be her best friend, the man she was almost sure she was in love with, and he was slapping her away like she was nothing but a fly bothering him. She can count on one hand the amount of secrets she had ever kept from him.

He always had a way of pulling them out of her, because he always wanted her to be happy around him. He wanted to know her problems not to fix them, but to distract her from them.

She had always thought it was a sort of mutual agreement. They were close. Not just friends but not quite together. Close enough that they had a bond neither could deny. So the idea that hes been avoiding her for some reason and would get so nastily defensive when she asked? It hurt.

But she wouldn't let him know that. That's not how the game works. But suddenly all these changes around her gave her the courage to say screw the game.

“Screw you Sean Macguire. How fucking dare you.”

“Karen-”

“No, you wanna keep your mouth shut about this then you can keep your big mouth shut while i yell at you. How dare you talk to me like that. How dare you keep secrets when never in my life have i ever been able to keep a secret from you. No wait, I kept one secret from you didn’t I? I never told you that I thought you were god damn dead.”

That and the fact that she was in love with him. When did she suddenly become sure of that fact? Not that it matters. She was already saying more than she meant to.

“I thought you were dead in the ground and it damn near broke me. You are my best friend, and you have the god damn fucking balls to tell me its none of my buisness why you wont even look my way for 3 weeks. Go to hell Macguire, you don't wanna speak to me then fine. Don’t. I don't want you around no more either you bastard.”

It took one look at the young man's face to make her eyes start watering, and then she was marching back to camp. Like hell she would let him see her cry after that mess.

She almost wanted him to run after her. To apologise and tell her why he can barely look at her, and hold her as she cried. But he was on guard duty so that wasn’t an option, and that wasn't how their relationship worked.

She didn't see him again for a while. She took the work Grimshaw gave her down to the lake, and watched Jack wade in the water trying to catch a crab or a fish while she sewed up a shirt. When she got up to get more clothes she saw Sean conspiring with Hosea once more and refused to even give him another glance. She watched Pearson fish off the dock for a while, whilst she stitched a blanket, she watched the sun get lower in the sky till it lit up like the campfire.

And then out of the corner of her eye she saw a lanky leg step over the log she was on, and then he was sitting beside her.

She didn't look up. He didn't speak. He nudged a bottle of beer her way, and she took it without a word.

The sun had just barely sunk below the horizon when he cleared his throat and took a breath to speak up. She cut him off before he could start.

“Don’t start Sean, I don't want your damn apologies.”

“Well then it's a bloody good thing I wasn't about to apologise love.”

She wished he wouldn’t call her that. It's not like she exactly had time to process the whole being in love revelation she had earlier.

“What the hell do you want then.”

“I want to tell you a secret.”

She scoffed and started to stand up, but he grabbed her waist before she could, and she looked him in the face for the first time since that morning when they fought. “Let me go Sean Macguire, I don't wanna hear it.”

“Oh hush, yes ya do. I couldn't bloody well tell you this mornin’, it weren't my secret to tell you. But I had a little talk with Hosea, and he gave me then blessin’ to share with you.”

He couldn't tell her  because it wasn't his to share. So here she was getting angry at him for something that wasn't even his fault. Not that there was no reason at all.

“Dammit Sean, the hell does that have to do with you avoidin’ me like the god damned plague. You could have said you can't tell me and I woulda’ left you the hell alone about it.”

“Now that is a dirty lie Ms. Jones, I have not successfully kept anythin’ from you in my whole life. You knew what I was going to give you for your birthday the day I stole the damned thing. I wasn't able to risk something this important falling out of my big mouth because you distracted me with your beauty.”

He was trying to abate her anger, and the fact that it was nearly working only served to anger her more. How dare he sit there and nearly make her laugh when he was apparently keeping some giant secret from her.

“Fine Sean. What's the big secret that's been makin’ you run away from me like a dog afraid of his own shadow.”

“Well my love, you had better get comfortable, this is quite the tale and I happen to be quite the storyteller.” And before she could tell him to get the hell on with it, he started doing what he does best. Talking.

It took him nearly a fucking hour to get to the point. He told her everything he knew about the ranch plan, every word Hosea had said to him about it, all the way up to him begging Hosea to let him tell Karen about it. By the time he finished, both their beers were gone and everything Karen had known her whole life was slipping through her fingers like the sand beneath their feet.

“-an’ Hosea says that nobody has to go with him, we can all go our separate ways and such but that's what his plan is. Him and the bloody Marstons and Arthur and everyone else they can get are going with him. And Dutch was planning on telling everyone as soon as we had the money to do it and I only know because I’m fuckin’ excellent at eavesdropping. But Arthur caught me sneaking off and told me to keep me trap shut about it so I did.”

She stared at him in stunned silence. Half the gang was plotting a move to New Austin to start a ranch in the middle of nowhere. Finally she managed to get her thoughts together just long enough to spit out the words “The one fucking time you can follow a god damned direction.”

And that was enough to make him laugh. And he sat there and laughed like they weren't getting their worlds turned upside down.

All the things Karen considered to be complete unbreakable truths were shattering. She was looking at this offer of a real life that wouldn't end in her premature death and it terrified her, but at the same time nothing had ever looked so good.

“I'm still mad that you avoided me like that.”

“Don’t think you've ever screamed at me quite like you did this morning Ms. Jones.”

“I did not scream at you, you were on guard duty.”

“You bloody did. The bird flocked out of the trees. Some broad on the street heard you and said ‘I wonder what stupid bloke pissed of that woman’”

“Are you going? To the ranch with Hosea?” She didn’t notice that over time she had practically ended up in his lap until just now.

“Well Ms. Jones, that all depends on where you're planning on going.”

Sean Macguire had confessed his love to her many times, drunk and sober. But she never thought any of them sincere until now. Here was Sean Macguire, willing to follow her wherever she may go. And it terrified her just as much as the idea of the ranch did. But just like the ranch, nothing had ever looked quite so safe, so sweet, so good.

She knew she wasn't ready to tell Sean she loved him yet. It was nice to know he loved her, and that she was hardly going to get rejected should she tell him. But she wasn't ready yet.

So instead she said “I think that I'm gonna go with Hosea and Arthur and them. To be ranchers or whatever the hell they wanna do.”

“Then I guess we’re gonna be ranchers! Though I was never good with bloody livestock.” and that made Karen laugh good and proper.

Karen Jones feels that a few things will always be ultimate truths. She would always despise the hot weather, she would never be good at embroidery no matter how hard she tried, that Sean Macguire loved her to the ends of the earth and back, and that she loved him too.

Being ranchers meant she would likely never have to lose him again, and so ranchers they would be.

[myfoofoo]

This is about shipping, because some of you are acting like you lost your mind....

Lemme just point this out before anyone else does. 

-Yes I’m aware this post is long. Get over it.

-Yes I’m aware the anti shipping here isn’t as bad as other fandoms

-I will only post this type of stuff here just this once okay? I’m sorry for the inconvenience, just block me if it bothers you so badly...

-I’m only saying this here because people decided to go to the crankiplier tag and be rude, and no I wasn’t triggered just off that. This has been a thing for awhile, that was just the last straw for me

-Mark or Ethan if you see this I’m so sorry, I’m just sick of this now

ok can i just say i love all the people who go in anon asks or say shit in the crankiplier tag talking shit like....funny thing is most of you would not be saying shit irl would you? LMAO No you wouldn’t you cowards, so don’t say it here. Ya’ll need to chill okay? Literally nobody’s trying to fight you. I don’t know if you guys are having an episode or some shit, but you need to chill trying to fight each other literally won’t fix a damn thing will it? I’m legit trying to say this as calm as possible because I’m actually fuming right now.

STOP. PLEASE. JUST. STOP.

This shit is seriously going too far and the sad part is most of you think you’re being a hero. I don’t know what happened to cause you all to be angry last night. But you going over to the crankiplier tag or ANY ship tag just to talk shit is fucking childish. Don’t ever feel proud of yourself for what you’re doing right now.

And don’t pull that “We’re sticking up for...” you’re doing it terribly by the way. Don’t use that as an excuse for how ignorant you are acting. Some of you are chill so just ignore this. No matter if you’re a shipper or not, nobody should be harassed to the point they get anxiety. Nobody should be generalized because a select group of people fucked up. I really don’t want to fight anyone but this is just disappointing and gross to witness. Do you actually feel proud of yourself for hurting complete strangers?? I thought this fandom was supposed to be welcoming not full of assholes who don’t understand the full story but still label you “toxic” anyway. 

I literally respect tf out of Amy and Mika and I respect tf out of Mark and Ethan. I’ve literally kept everything to myself and most of us have?? 

One thing I want to make clear, I know you mean well...I know you’re just trying to keep the boys safe and I am literally with you on that...but this isn’t the way to solve that. Fighting each other won’t solve this. I admit before someone tries to use this against me I did write a VERY...very aggressive thing towards anti shippers, but I felt bad so I want to redo it. 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry if you had bad personal experience with shipping.

I’m sorry if you witnessed the septiplier shit in 2016

I’m sorry if you’re going through personal baggage and we’re you’re only outlet.

I’m sorry if shipping makes you uncomfortable.

But being rude to each other? Will not fix it. I respect you if you don’t like shipping. That is entirely fair and I have no problem with that. It’s the way you guys handle it that makes me want to punch the fuck out somebody. lmaoo

Handle it in a mature way. Not like this. You don’t have to like us, that is fair.

But don’t you fucking dare compare us murderers, to pedos, to stalkers. And yes I’ve seen someone say it before. Don’t you ever compare us to that nasty shit. 

You do not know ANY of us personally nor will you ever. Don’t try to judge our characters just because of one trivial thing. It’s childish and disgusting.

Remember Natsuki’s poem? “Amy likes spiders”? I’m sure most of you know what I’m talking about. You remember what that poem was about? Don’t judge a person just because of ONE characteristic about them, it just makes you an ignorant jerk. And I’m sure most of you even agreed with that poem....kinda hypocritical ain’t it??

Can we please...PLEASE just chill out?? This fandom is supposed to be like a family, not a constant battle. It doesn’t need to be like this. Like ever. So please let’s just stop with this....please.

And no before people start whining, no I am not supporting the people who harassed the boys. I’m not supporting people who tag Mark or Ethan or ANY youtuber with smut. No I am not supporting the people who called Amy and Mika nasty names. 

I am supporting the people who kept it to themselves. I am supporting the people who respected the boys wishes and either changed their ways of shipping or posted in their rightful tag. I am supporting the people who are probably too afraid to stick up for themselves when people are literally shouting at them. I am supporting the people who ship because it’s the only thing that makes them smile during hard times. I am supporting the people who did nothing to hurt you or anyone in anyway.

ANYWAY, I’m not gonna fight ya’ll not worth the energy honestly. Stay safe, stay sane in quarantine, it’s pretty rough right now. Wash your hands. Goodbye.

Wait I forgot Ethan and Sean literally said shipping IS FINE just don’t go harassing people. Sean literally said in the video “Don’t fight each other over this..” And yet you’re doing the opposite. THIS IS WHAT YOUR FUCKING WORDS ARE CAUSING

ARE YOU DEADASS PROUD FOR GIVING SOMEONE PANIC ATTACKS????

REALLY?? OVER THIS??

Before I blow up lemme just...don’t feel proud of this. This is not okay. Shipper or not. Don’t give people this much fear. I’m staying out of the tags for awhile until ya’ll finally decide to grow up. This is depressing...

Small update: Please don’t put other people’s toxic actions on all of us. We are not their parents, we don’t control them in anyway. I literally put out friendly reminders not to harass the boys, that’s all I can do. Otherwise it’s literally out of our control. If people spam a ship name in their streams, like wtf am I supposed to do??? I’m not a mod, I’m not a goddess, I can’t just magically ban them, I wish I could because I hate that shite too lmao. Also, yes quarantine sucks ass right now. But just because you’re bored does not mean, come over and be mad at us. Or whatever th ya’ll excuse is these days. Nobody asked lmao.

[killian-whump]

OUAT 3x01: Rewatch Blog

Welcome aboard, mateys! It's time to start rewatching Season 3! As usual, I'm a bit behind everyone else on this rewatch, but I've decided it's more fun for me to move at my own pace, so I probably won't be catching up anytime soon ;)

That said... Let's get started on Once Upon a Time Season 3!!!

Whoa. Wait a minute. Eleven Years Ago?! I really AM behind... ;)

Seriously, though. Do they really have to handcuff her ankle to the bed? Do they have a problem with women in labor jumping up and escaping prison right at that precise moment in their lives?

That's sad, though :(

Ooooh... I love the deadly stillness after the ship "lands" in Neverland. It's so... eeeeeeeerie. 

Ahhh, and the ominous look on Killian's face.

You can just FEEL the tension in the air.

"Aye. Neverland."

AHHHHHHHH TENSION AND ANGST

Kinda lame title card, haha.

Aw, great. It's this guy. NOBODY MISSED YOU GREG. YOU CAN GO BACK TO WHEREVER YOU WENT DURING THE HIATUS NOW.

SHIT. HE BROUGHT TAMARA, TOO.

I really hate these two, guys. Like, really.

Oh, come on. Don't shove a fucking kid, you asshat. Fucking GREG. You're an insult to your name, and I don't even like your name.

Oooooh, spooky noises. I love the atmosphere they built for this realm.

"Who we work for is not your concern, kid." Well, according to YOU as of about 20 minutes ago in show time, it's not YOUR concern either, dipshit.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THERE'S SAND IN YOUR BATTERY COMPARTMENT, YOU FUCKING MORON. WHO PUT SAND IN YOUR BATTERY COMPARTMENT, HUH? YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

Shut up, shut up. I know it was Peter Pan. LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT.

"It's a good thing you guys don't ask any questions." Hahahaha, bested by an 11-year-old and sand.

...and there he goes, shoving the damn kid again. You're just a colossal jerk, aren't you, Greg?

At least Tamara has the sense to look mildly concerned right here.

"Oh, I know, my hot-headed queen."

I JUST DIED. Forward my mail to my gravesite.

I totally forgot that line ever happened. I love rewatching this show.

"I hope not, or we've wasted our lives." AAAAAAANGST

"Your lives... well... THEY'VE SUCKED" hahaha, Why don’t you tell them what you really think, Emma XD

"We found you." Awww... "And lost Henry! And Neal!" Well, to be fair, it's not like you can expect them to give two shits about Neal. They met him, like, last week. And he's kinda a dick. And his Dad's, like, evil incarnate. But okay.

"Oh, that's a great use of our time: A wardrobe change." One of the best lines ever, really.

I mean, did Rumple really need to do the dramatic cane-spinning exit, though? It makes for good TV, so it's cool and all, but imagine it in real life. Like, just a boat full of people staring at where he once stood, thinking, "JFC That was unnecessarily dramatic."

OH, YEAH, LET'S LIGHT A FUCKING FIRE, GREG. THAT'S A GREAT FUCKING IDEA, GREG. Fucking loser.

Yes, I do plan on doing this until he dies. You have your hobbies; I have mine.

"You making S'Mores?"

HAAAAAAHHAHAHAHA OMG LOOK AT HIS FACE:

Fucking goon. Haha. I named that screencap "assface" when I saved it, because I feel it's fitting for both the character AND the face he's making.

"What if the empty communicator wasn't an accident?"

You mean the one someone OBVIOUSLY filled with sand instead of batteries ON PURPOSE??? Noooooooooooo.

"Don't let the kid get in your head." He's not even TRYING, Greg. He's just hungry and wants some fucking S'Mores. I want some S'Mores, too. We all want fucking S'Mores. S'Mores are delicious, FuckingGreg.

OH LOOK, IT'S FELIX.

AND ALL THE REST OF THE LOST BOYS ONES BOYS. I think we’re calling them “Boys” now. Must have gotten the rights.

Kill him, Felix. Somebody. Anybody. I'll even settle for the annoying Lost Boy with the face that annoys me, although I don't think he's in this season, but he's welcome to join it IF HE KILLS GREG.

"Then you're not getting the boy." Oh, Greg. It is entirely too late for you to do anything remotely likable now. Like, I literally want to throw Henry at them now just to spite you.

YEEEEESSSSSSSSSS RIP THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S SOUL OUT OF HIS BODY. TAKE HIS SPINE, TOO. THE ENTIRE SKELETAL SYSTEM. MAYBE A DISEMBOWELING'S CALLED FOR HERE?

Or, you know, you can just leave his husk there by the fire to rot away. That's good, too. I'm not picky.

GREG IS DEAD, EVERYBODY.

Tamara and Henry are running! Oh no! Will they make it? Will they-

This is a great scene, everybody. Thank you so much. This is the best thing to ever happen to me and the season only started 10 minutes ago.

Hahaha, they even show us a close-up of Tamara lying motionless on the ground, and then Greg. Like they KNOW we've all been waiting for their demise and they wanted to give us screenshots for our scrapbooks.

Anyway, thanks Felix! That was pretty cool. Much obliged.

Hey, look. An enterprising young chap has helped Henry up. There's no way he could be a bad guy.

I have to say, of all the "twists" in Once, this was one of the worst ones in terms of how OBVIOUS it was.

To some extent, it's the casting department's fault, because Robbie Kay is just TOO fucking perfect for Peter Pan. Like, he just EXUDES Peter Pan and he's not fooling anybody.

Heeheehee CS flirting <3

"What do you want?" All due respect, but it's HIS fucking ship? Like, he doesn't really need a reason to be below deck on his own ship?

"I didn't realize you were sentimental." "I'm not."

I love it when he spits the cork out, but how many corks does this man go through?!

Oh, look. Speak of the devil - It's Neal.

"Tell Emma I'm alive. And I love her."

Well, that's a GREAT message to pass on through your kiiiiiid. Won't get his hopes up or anything.

ANYWAY.

"Long enough to know I miss him, too." T_T

UH OH. TROUBLE'S AFOOT!!!

Oh, Dave and Snow are at the helm. That explains it. LEARN HOW TO DRIVE, SNOWING. Gosh.

Pun intended. I'm so sorry.

Regina: "What the hell are you two doing?!" Ahahahahaha :D

"Prepare for attack!" "Be more specific!" I love all these interactions. This is like the WORST family vacation EVER and I love every second of it.

"What's out there? A shark? A whale?" "A kraken?"

YOU FUCKING WISH.

Actually, no, Dave probably doesn't wish... but Kraken-san does! :D

Emma's response is classic. "Mermaids?!" Like what the fuck else does she have to put up with in this crazy sham of a life NOOOOW?

Dave's kinda hot manning that cannon, I gotta say. He's showing off some guns firing off that gun, if you know what I mean.

But really, what did they plan to DO with one mermaid, anyway? Especially after Regina chased them all off with her fireballs?

Oh, look. Henry and Totally-Not-Peter-Pan are on the run!

I'm super fooled by him talking himself up in third person, though XD

"If Pan wants you... he WILL get you."

"Pan will rip their shadows into oblivion."

"Pan loves nachos with spicy cheese."

"Pan is the awesomest guy on this island."

Aw, man. This scene is a snoozefest :/

Literally. They're all just watching Aurora sleep XD

Wait. HOW is Neal feeling better? He got shot, like, 10 minutes ago in show time and he's had no REAL medical care, aside from whatever they bandaged him with, since none of these folks here have magic.

HOW IS HE FEELING BETTER?!

I gotta be honest, though. Rumple is hot as SHIT in this season. I ain't gonna pretend otherwise. This leather clad badass thing WORKS for him.

Oh, look. Tamara's still alive.

"C-Can you forgive me?"

I'm gonna guess that is a HARD ASS NO, bitch.

Haha, love the way he flicks the dust off his fingers.

"GET THAT THING OFF MY SHIP!"

I love how panicked he is by the mermaid XD It gives my entire life meaning :D

I wish we had more information in canon about Hook's time in Neverland. We can tell this is FAR from his first skirmish with mermaids, but how/when/why/what happened? I NEED TO KNOW! Especially if it involved wounds or peril or other things relevant to my interests...

Touching Mulan and Neal chat.

More running in the woods with Not!Pan.

"Well, I'm all out of fish food." Love you, Regina <3

"Fillet the bitch." Seriously, love you so much bae <3

Snow's face, tho XD

This is 110% why I watch this show. SHENANIGANS.

...and a pirate. Don't forget the pirate.

"I've outrun many a storm!" We know you have, babe. We know. You keep telling us...

SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL TIME!!!

PERIL ON THE HIGH SEAS!!!

CERTAIN BLETH DEATH!!!

SUPER DRAMATIC MUSIC!!!

...as we cut to a peaceful, though somewhat dilapidated, castle in the Enchanted Forest. Birds are singing, dawn is breaking, the world is alight with hope and possibili-

JUST KIDDING. GET BACK TO THE FUCKING DRAMA STORM, SHOW.

I hate it when they do this.

Hey, Sean. Nice intro.

"You don't want to see ID?" Neal... ISTFG.

Disappearing arrow, heehee. SHENANIGANS.

I love how interested Robin is in what's inside the vault XD Always a thief, eh?

"This isn't a storm. It's bloody damnation!" Love that line <3

"Let the slags go!" Haha "Don't call my wife a slag!" Haha!

BOY FIGHT!! BOY FIGHT!!!

They're all wet, too! Slow down, cameraman! I wanna see ALL of this!!!

Oooh, almost gutted with his own hook. Haaaaarsh.

Emma, no one's listening to you. Emma, no one's... They're not... They're not even looking or paying any attention at all... They won't even- Oh. Okay. Somehow everyone saw you jump, despite literally being in a fight for their respective lives. Neat.

...aaaaaaand cue the convenient rigging falling loose and hitting her in the head.

SHENANIGAAAAAAAAANS

Oh, look! They're flying!!!

This would be super touching if it wasn't, you know, exactly what Pan wants XD

Haha, Emma looks so ethereal floating there, unconscious, in the waters of Neverland, facing certain death.

Awww! A big group effort rescue!!! Good job, team!

"Told you." Right, but no one was listening...? So how do they even know what she's talking about? Well, I guess maybe they WERE listening...?

Shenanigans? idek anymore...

SHENANIGANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awww... Bobby's acting is so great right here. This is awesome. Very moving. The part after the shenanigans, I mean. Although they’re great, too.

Felix, you're kinda a dick, though. That’s kinda a compliment, tho?

I love it when magic flops :D Dramatic music aaaaaand... nothing.

"Actually, I quite fancy you from time to time, when you're not yelling at me."

You like her even more when she's yelling at you, son. IT IS KNOWN.

His offended face when Charming says, "With him?" XD DAVE, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THIS ABOUT ME. DAVE, I THOUGHT WE WERE PALS. DAVE. DAAAAVE.

Hahaha, his adorable shrug to Regina. SHENANIGANS <3

"You couldn't be more right, Henry."

I'm so glad they didn't try to drag out the reveal of Pan to another episode, because he seriously wasn't fooling aaaaaanybody.

Except for Henry. Oops?

It's so great how ominous they're being at the end of this episode, advancing on Henry like that...

Although Pan's "let's play!" is a lot less frightening when you know he literally means "let's dance around a fire and create a rhythmic ruckus" but hey. It still works for the ending of this episode, which is now... OVER!!

PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!! PEW PEW PEW!!!

[tipsylorie]

Nothing More, Nothing Less

(Created: April 17, 2016)

Proof-reading No.1: 24th May 2021

Word count: 3,029/14K

A/N: this was a story I made in junior high school so please do not expect much but I did try to do some revisions and clarifications as I am proof reading it. If you do like it in any ways, please do reblog and comment (maybe lemme know of what you think). This is still an ongoing story even after 5 years but I still want to do my best with it and finish it someday. So.. your support would be totally appreciated! 

Once upon a time there was a girl named Lorie, she was a fifteen-year-old high school student. She’s weird and an unappealing teenager, so everyone treats her like a nobody. Even so, she’s invisible since nobody can lay a hand just stab words on her because her parents have eyes everywhere; only because she’s the next-in-line owner of the school. She’s an only child, with lack of attention given by the parents, notwithstanding of that she was not a spoiled brat. She’s still a down-to-earth person even though some of the people that surrounds her that are insecure is getting in her skin, she still does nothing with it. She just let them do whatever they want, never fighting back or telling on them. Because she knows that it was not worth it and THEY are not in her level; she’s well-composed, dedicated, smart, beautiful inside, and rich, so what else is she looking for?

On the other hand, there was Sean, he is the popular bad boy in the campus. Everyone hates him but at the same time wants to be friends with him. It’s like if you were just seen in a week with him, you are one hell of a topic – it can be rumors, gossips, and back stories of yours. However, he is lazy, not-so-smart, not-so-rich either and has broken home. Well, that’s what everyone thought due to his behavior in the school.

Sean is the exact opposite of Lorie. So, is it possible that they can be a thing?

Lorie is walking in the corridor to her assigned classroom, wearing a long-sleeved dress that’s 4 inches above her feet, with ballerina-like-shoes, and circled rimmed glasses carrying tons of books. There was only half quarter left in the school year, so for those who failed in their past grading should better start working hard like, right now. But for Lorie it’s like eating a piece cake. But that doesn’t mean she has THE ADVANTAGE because she owns the school, she actually works hard - so very hard to be deserving of having those high grades. She was not raised to cheat and use power for all self-interest; in fact, she was thought to never step on the people who are already on the ground but instead to try and help them up. But maybe because of that she is being bullied because she’s too kind.

The day passed just like a wind, it was now the end of the class and Lorie went to her locker to leave some stuffs before she headed home. But as she closed the door of her locker, there was a guy standing behind it. He was tall, fair skin, not-so-masculine body (okay… maybe a little bit), but still looking hot as fudge while his eyes showing some embarrassment.

“Can I help you?” Lorie asked with an irritated tone.

“Uh… Lorie, right?”

“Yeah, why? Finding someone to make fun with?”

“No, not that. I’m actually going to ask for your help.”

“You are Sean, right? The one that has the bad boy reputation. Why are you going to need my help then?”

“Okay, a girl with many words, that can’t even talk in front of the class. To inform you every one of us has a reputation to hold, like you, the bullied one – that’s your reputation.”

“Wow! You’re talking as if we’re close. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, IT’S MY CHOICE IF I WANT TO BE BULLIED! Besides I know high school will just pass by like a lightning… since no one owns the time.” Lorie breathlessly let out the last words.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean for you to be offended – and dang, you’re deep.”

“Yeah, I think so too. But what is really the reason for all of these? If you are just going to lure and use me for you to upgrade your bad boy title, don’t even think-‘

“Hey! You are the one judging – so technically you are the bad girl.”  Sean said in childlike voice.

Lorie was practically dumbfounded with how Sean reacted but remained silent.

Sean cleared his throat then said, “I mean, I would like to propose an agreement.”

Lorie raised an eyebrow and asked, “Is that a fact?” Then start walking straight to the parking lot.

Sean start following her then replied, “Yes. You will help me to have good grade and I’ll help you to have a good status.”

With that words Lorie promptly stop walking. “Are you joking?” She looked back to Sean then continued while walking back to her service black BMW car, “Don’t you have any better things to do than making fool of yourself?”

“I’m dead serious, I would need your help and at some point, you’ll need mine.” Sean said with a higher pitch in the last words and ended it with a smirk that Lorie has the chance to glimpse as she halted beside the car door.

Sean thought that she would give in, and the gods showered him some luck, but unfortunately, it’s Lorie whose he’s dealing with. So, he just got a smirked back from Lorie then she went inside the car and left Sean surprised that his charms did not work.

THE NEXT DAY

“Yes! It’s the last period and no homework, so that means unlimited CSI episodes for me… Can’t wait to go home.” Words that are typed in Lorie’s phone journal.

“Okay class that’s all for today. See you guys tomorrow.” The teacher said. “Oh, I almost forgot; Sean can you stay?”

“Okay miss.” Sean replied.

Lorie was getting out to the room when she heard the teacher asking for Sean, so she just hid outside the room to gather some information.

“Sean, you are failing. If you don’t act upon this now, maybe there will no longer be a scholarship for you. Because as you know, you also need ace your academics to sustain your sports scholarship.” The teacher informed. Yes, everyone he plays one of the cliché sports but still appealing, which is basketball.

“Yes, I know miss. I’m working on it I promise.” Sean answered assuring the teacher and himself as well.

“I’m counting on it. You are dismissed.” The teacher said.

Sean only answered with a nod and exited the room. On the other hand, that made Lorie’s heart softened for the poor Sean so she-

“Hey Sean!” Lorie exclaimed as she startled Sean.

“Oh, hey Lorie. I’m guessing you’ve heard.”

“Yes, and sorry about that. But anyways, that’s exactly why I changed my mind and now I’m agreeing to help you.” Lorie said then she noticed all the awkward stares and glancing the two of them were receiving. “I mean can we talk somewhere private?” Lorie whispered.

Sean also noticed and replied in a nonchalant manner (to show he is not bothered even though he really was), “Sure, where?”

“I know a place.”

The two of them walked straight to the teacher’s lounge and Sean asked, “Why here? This is where I’m most hated… and maybe will be killed.”

“Don’t worry I got this.”

Lorie entered the room happily.

“Hi miss Lorie.”

“Hello”

“Hello Lorie.”

“Hi”

“How are you darling?”

“Fine, Thank you”

“Here are some brownies, just how you like it.”

“Oh, thank you Mrs. Santiago, I’ll take two, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all sweetie.’

“Oh-ohkay, you’re kinda popular here.” Sean said as Lorie gave him his piece of brownie.

Lorie just gave him a smile.

“What does that supposed to mean?”

“Hmm my parents are their boss… Wait, you didn’t know?”

“hmm-WHAT?!”

“Shhh lower you voice, will you? Their trying to take a rest too you know… Here we are, my office.”

“What? you have your office?”

“Sort of, just had some free time, and some of the staff lend me their things, so yeah…”

“Ohh that’s so cool. So, my proposal, why a sudden change of mind?”

“Uhmm I realized you needed help, so why take it away from you?”

“Thank you, thank you so very much Lorie.”

“Hey, don’t forget you’ll help me too.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Shall we start now?”

“Start what?”

“Studying.”

“Oh that. Can we do it tomorrow?”

“Okay, so the deal is off.”

“No no no! Okay, we’ll start.

“Algebra, slope…”

UNKOWN TIME LATER

“What time is it? ‘Cuz my head is going to explode with these many numbers and letters you teach.” Sean asked.

Lorie gave him a glare then answered, “7:30, wh-AT?! Oh fudgy, no more CSI.”

“Just a show, you know you can just download it.”

“I know, I mean no more time to watch it.”

“It’s only 7:30”

“For you!” Lorie exclaimed. She inhaled and say, “Anyways lets get going.”

“Yeah” Sean agreed.

THE NEXT AFTERNOON

“Now class dismiss, but please do your assignments this time.” The teacher informed.

By that cue Lorie was already halfway done with the said assignment due to the free time she got. When the class started to exit the room, Lorie quickly put all her stuffs in her bag. Then she went straight to the teacher’s lounge to finish her works.

After she finished all of her works, she then stopped in her locker to drop some of her things. When she closed her locker’s door the cliché thing happened.

“So as my thanks for your gratitude yesterday I would like to invite you in a walk.” Sean greeted Lorie with a grin.

Lorie got startled and manage to say, “Are you kidding me? It’s quarter to 5 pm so I need to get going.”

“C’mon you can just squeeze a few minutes in your schedule.”

“You are really a bad influence, but okay. Besides I just finished all the assignments.

“WHAT WE HAVE ASSIGNEMENTS?” Sean exclaimed. Then he sighed, “Whatever, let’s go.”

“You sure? You won’t do the assignments? You know you need to do it.”

“Yeah, I’ll just ask for help later. So now let’s go.” Sean said as he walked to the back door of the school.

“Why are we going out here? Where are you taking me?” Lorie said as she starts freaking out. “Oh my gosh, I shouldn’t have told you-”

Sean grabs her arms and looks her in the eyes and say, “Told me what? You are the owners’ daughter? C’mon I’m not THAT yet desperate to do such thing. So don’t worry, okay?” And he let go of her.

Lorie managed to just nod as an answer. Still followed Sean in silence.

“We are here.” Sean said referring to an old building.

“Where? A dumpster?”

“Ouch. Hey, it’s not bad than it looks. This is my second home. If yours is the teacher’s lounge than this is mine. So now come with me.” Sean said as he gave his hand to Lorie.

“Whatever, at least this’ll help me to have some reason in my life.” Lorie sarcastically said.

But Sean just rolled his eyes on Lorie’s joked.

As Lorie entered the door she was amazed with the infrastructure of the inside. You won’t see it anywhere else. It’s dark with highlights of white and many abstracts and gratifies everywhere; you will still somehow make meanings and sense upon it. One of which caught her attention is on the right wall of the hall she and Sean are walking in is a graffiti of different figures that made an overall picture of a building where it somehow showed only its perfect and ideal state, but the colors used resembles dystopian environment.  The illustration captivated Lorie’s attention until she noticed that there was a group of people talking, treating each other like brothers and sisters and having fun. She felt like out of all peer groups she came across, in here– no one left behind.

“Hey guys! This is Lorie, a new friend.” Sean informed his friends.

“Now we are friends? *Imaginary rolled my eyes*” Lorie thought.

A lot of eyes landed on Lorie but did not judged her nor intended to make her feel unwelcome, but the gang found Lorie unusual. Everything about her is new to them from the weirdly long dress she was wearing which was paired with top that has collar and sleeves that just made her look like a nun. Hence, she did look sort of funny especially to a particular girl.

“Seriously Sean, a new type of girl to go with?” One of Sean’s female friends asked.

“Shut up Lizzy.”

“Hey my Sean. I see you brought home a girl. A unique one.” Said by the dude just entered the room.

“Hey Bill, my man! Uhm-about that girl part, she’s just a friend.”

Bill looks like he’s in his twenties and a leader of some sort of this gang and Sean is his right-hand man as they seemed the closest compared to the others.

“Is she going to join the gang?” Bill asked.

“Uh nah… I’m just showing here mah home.” Sean said jokingly.

“What gang?” Lorie snapped curiously.

“Wait man, she doesn’t know.” Bill asked Sean.

Sean shook his head as an approval, “Actually not planning to.”

“Then way did you brought her here?!” Bill’s voice starts rising.

“You said my friend is your friend and - is welcome in our home!” Sean replied in defensibly.

“BUT WHAT IF YOUR FRIEND WILL CAUSE US TROUBLE?” Bill exclaimed.

“NO, SHE WON’T. BESIDES WE LIVE TO TROUBLE, DON’T WE?” Sean snapped. Then dragged Lorie and stormed out of the room.

When they were outside the building Lorie asked to cut the tension, “Did I messed your gang up? I’m sorry if I did, I really did no-“

“Hey, it’s okay. Maybe Bill is just in a bad mood. I bet it will be fine tomorrow. By then I will bring you here again, and hopefully we’ll have a better appearance.” Sean said as he assured Lorie.

“Okay, if you say so. But why brought me here? You know you don’t have to.”

“I know, but since we’ll practically spend a lot of time together, it’s better if you know.”

“You know, you’re not a bad boy at all. You are kinda soft.”

“I will take that as an insult. But to inform you, I only have my mom, so that’s why I don’t take it hard on girls. I live by a motto: ‘Girls should be respected and well treated.’”

“Aww… If I’m not too smart I might’ve fallen for you in just two days.”

“That! I will take as a complement.”

“Since it’s only 5:30, I can still help you with the assignments.”

“How about your driver?”

“I made an excuse, so he’ll pick me up at 6. So, c’mon where do you wanna make the assignments?”

“Ooh the inner bad girl of yours is coming out.” Sean teased.

Lorie raised an eyebrow, “FYI, I do this all the time when I’m not in mood to go home. So where now?”

“Maybe a coffee shop?”

“Too predictable and too many people.”

“Okay so where then?”

Lorie gave a smirk, “Library.”

“Wha-what? No way! I am going to burn in there!”

But that didn’t stop Lorie and starts marching to the school’s library.

“I guess I don’t have any choice then.” Sean muttered.

Lorie laughed while walking.

“I like it when your laughing, it lets me forget your big glasses.” Sean joked.

“Hey that’s bad! I’m just having trouble to see things far away. Like if you are in the other side of the road, without these glasses; I won’t be able to recognize you. So, I needed these. But I can still see on what’s on my way.” Lorie said as she took her glasses off - to wipe a fog off.  

Sean stopped in front of Lorie and took her glasses to clean it himself, “Yeah I get it. But it’s much better if you had a better frame for these, surely it’ll make your eyes much prettier.”

“Uh-thanks.” Lorie said as she took her glasses back. “Let’s get going?”

“Yeah sure.”

They walked in silence until they got to the library.

“Okay here we are, we need to finish quickly. So, I’m hoping you’ll be able to follow.”

“I’ll try my best. What’s the assignment?”

“Entrepreneurship: Financial Reports.

“Numbers again? My head will totally explode.”

“Hey, it’ll be totally fine. It’s easy.”

“For you to say.”

Financial Reports consists of: Balance Sheet, Income Statement and Cash Flow. You can start writing these as your notes. Balance Sheet’s equation is ASSETS = LIABILITIES & OWNER’S EQUITY. As for Income Statement it also has three parts, 1. Sales, 2. Expenses, 3.Net Profit. Lastly the Cash Flow it is only the Cash in and Cash Out, the difference will be the TOTAL CASH IN/OUT OR CASH ON HAND (COH). Got it?”

“Hey! How come you are not looking in your book?” Sean complained.

“I’ve mastered these stuffs when I was in 4th grade, since then I was helping with the school’s reports.”

Sean was silent and shocked for a moment, “You are a freaking genius, Lorie. I’m kinda jealous.”

“Don’t be. It’s not easy as it looks sometimes… Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Did you mean what you said earlier? Us being friends?”

“It’s up to you actually.”

“Yeah I would love that.”

“Friends?” Sean asked as he reached out his right hand.

“Friends, just friends. Nothing more. Nothing less” Lorie confirmed as she shook Sean’s hand.

“Yes, nothing more, nothing less.”

Beep. Beep.

“Sorry I got to check this.” Lorie excused. “My driver’s here… So goodbye?”

“It’s okay. I bet we’re done anyway.”

“Not yet actually, maybe my notes will help you to finish it.”

Lorie hand Sean her notebook.

“Yeah. Thanks again. So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“It’s Saturday.” Lorie sad as she heads to the library’s door while Sean tailing her.

“Yeah, I know, but I’ll need you to check my work.”

“Fine tomorrow, where?”

“At the mall’s café.”

“Whatever.”

Sean just nodded as a response. Lorie was at the car’s door when Sean is right behind her. “Hey, I’m starting to think you love coffee.” Lorie said.

“Kinda.”

“Okay… Thanks for walking me. Bye.” Lorie said as she went inside the car giving Sean a last smile.

THE NEXT MORNING

[haydeesworldofpoetry]

^

Find U again- Mark Ronson

This song is unique to my relationship, because my ex always said we’d work out through whatever we were going through. This song also says that if a lover comes back, they’d try it again. Camilla also talks about going to therapy and I went to therapy so 🤗

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-xKM3mGt2pE

Take on me- Aha! (Acoustic)

^ This song is extremely unique to me and my ex because well, we watched Deadpool 2 together. I’m not certain if any of you recall that movie, but it was very moving. There was a scene in particular, where Deadpool’s -(dead)- girlfriend says “Kiss me Like you’ll miss me.” And so when we were going to be a full week away from each other, I said this to him while sitting on his lap, and we had one of the best kisses I ever had. If not the best.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yjmp8CoZ

History- one direction

^ Although this song is about Zayn leaving the band, it’s not just unique to that situation. Lyrics saying, “thought we were going strong, I thought we were holding on.” Which really hits home for me. And as a verse says, “We could’ve been the greatest thing that the world has ever seen.” In the end, one direction adds some hope to their lyrics, “So don’t let it go, we could live forever.”

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=i2e3bAdPGAo

The man- Ed Sheeran

^ This one, it really gets the water works going. Not only does this song highlight the Denial part of grieving a relationship, it also envisions how hard a break up can be, with a life on the road. In this song, he says “It was never fine to lose you.” While also saying “I don’t love you baby, I don’t need you baby.” Contradicting himself, as we all do when we go through a break up. He also says “Our love just lost the will to live.” This song speaks about how hard it was for Ed Sheehan, and how one must remain preoccupied during heart break. “I’ve given up my days off.” The strongest part of this song, for me at least, is when Ed Sheeran says “I guess I lied in the Hook, cause I still love you and I need you by my side if I could.” Highlighting how hardest part of a breakup is not only loosing the person you loved, but their affection and support. Not to mention he sings, “If my career and music didn’t exist, in six years,yeah you’d probably be my wife with a kid.” Destroying the future. In the end, Ed Sheeran gives us hope, “Eventually I’ll be fine, I know it was never meant to be, either way I guess I’m not prepared but I’ll say this, these things happen for a reason and you can’t change them.” And so, one of the best break-up songs for me to cope with emotions.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=S4asq3SicN0

Goodbyes- Post Malone ft Young Thug

^ This song was released the exact same day my heart got broken. I’ve loved post Malone since the beginning, but this song was SO PARTICULAR to my relationship, it was AMAZING. I always asked my Ex to change small things, rather than praising his big things. “She need something to change.” Was so particular to our relationship, and that stunned me. After a few days, I began singing “ I want you out of my head, I want you out of my bedroom.” It was the hardest thing to let go of him not being with me because, he was always! And the sex we had was just amazing, and I mean that in an emotional way. The connection was there...so I’m being haunted by the memories of us in my bedroom. “We both acting insane, but too stubborn to change.” Stubbornness, one of the top reasons why my relationship ended. I was so stubborn on my boyfriend changing, that I never really thought about changing myself and my attitude. “Say you needed this heart and you got it, turns out that it wasn’t what you wanted.” WOW. I even have a screenshot of my ex saying, “ I just don’t want a relationship right now.” And honestly, I felt that lyric more than anything. “We wouldn’t let go and we lost it.” This song really highlights almost every SINGLE point in my break-up. Both Brian and I are horrible! HORRIBLE At good byes. :(

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1lQDPOfMUIA

Right my Wrongs - Bryson Tiller

^ This song, is hard to explain. I’m not sure how to relate this to my relationship. I guess I feel like, he should dedicate this song to me? I don’t know. I wish my ex would’ve tried to help us out, I wish maybe he would say “I’ve got to right my wrongs.” Or maybe “You’ve been down from the go, recognition is what you want and that’s something that I should know.” And I hope that, he comes back still you know? Like duh, I know he won’t but it still sucks cause I’m sucker for his love. “You don’t need nobody else and you’re putting all of this on me.” I feel like, Brian broke up with me because of all the shit he got in his plate and I was the main reason he had so much shit going on. I asked him for a lot of things and I just wasn’t considerate. I just I could also Right my Wrongs. I wish he knew that I now I was selfish.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7a66clRobKI

I Fall Apart - Post Malone

^ unsurpsingly we have another post Malone song! In this song, I feel like this such a strong song. It is so hard for me to listen to this song without feeling somehow guilty, yet at the same time, hurt. I feel like I always made Brian feel like he wasn’t good ENOUGH. When he was way more than enough! But he left me with a broken heart. And I hope we can do this again, you know...”Surprised when you caught me off guard” my ex broke up with me and honestly it hit me like train even know I felt it coming ¿ I don’t knooooow! Anyways, ”you said it, we’d be together” haha, lies. But yes, this break-up song is very very bueno.

http://www.metrolyrics.com/big-sean-owe-me-big-sean-ml-video-oce.html

Big Sean - Owe Me

^ “all the shit you told me I believed” ah yes, I believed you loved me and I believed we’d be together for years to come. How idiotic of me! Although this song is about cheating, it pertains to break-ups none the less. “Left and now you’re back in my life, it’s going to take more than that to set it right though.” As the one of the other side of the coin, I’d definitely take a second chance and, do it all right. The only time I ever see my ex now is either when he’s active on Instagram or when he posts on his car page. In which I’m hoping I get his attention to see this blog buuut I know it won’t so we’re just going to write for Haydee :) anywho! This song conveys how hard it is to have a relationship that goes from great to bad. And in all honesty, he says “It took us over being over to see all I ever did for you.” And that’s true, I didn’t realize all the amazing things Brian did until, of course, it was too late. “Let’s not ever disrespect what I meant to you.” Is something that I really hope sticks with me. I meant a lot to him and he meant a lot to me too. I won’t ever disrespect the love and place he had in my life, as long as he doesn’t disrespect what I meant and what I did for him. “I’m just trying to let the past pass ain’t no future in that yeah.” Let’s not forget that if we stray in the past, we’ll never be able to move on. For me, the strongest part of this song, if Brian and I ever got back together (I know we’re not, but i guess a part of me wants to ¿) “honestly I had to take the time to let my ego go, realized that that held us back and back’s not where we need to go. This don’t replace what you did to me, this don’t replace what I did to you. Sometimes it ain’t about what did or didn’t do, it’s about what we getting through.” Ah, the lovely life of me. I hope that some day I am able to get another chance with Brian, let my ego go, be more mindful of his time and just do this all over again but do it right! ButnI know it won’t happen, so all I can do now is learn from this relationship and take in everything I learned, from the bad to the good.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dfnCAmr569k

Taylor Swift, Ed Shehaan, Future - End Game

^This song is a very good pop song, not going to lie. But this song is kinda a stinger! I used to think that Brian and I would be each other’s end game, his A-team, and first string. I also thought of this lyrics so much while we were dating, “I don’t want to be, just another ex love (you don’t want to see) I don’t want to miss you, like the other girls do.” It’s a harsh reality in which we face life and become aware of the crude reality that people don’t really love you. My ex totally just used me to lose his virginity tbh 🙄. I did appreciate the love though.

These songs have been able help me through my break up :)

I’ve been feeling much better with the support of my friends and family, which is awesome.

I still dream about him every night, which lead to me waking up at 3am with high anxiety, and elevated heart rate. But that’s okay, it’s healthy to be letting go, even if it’s slowly.

I’ll give you another list of good break-up songs soon 8) have a wonderful Saturday 🥰

[loufiiii]

The Chaotic Evil in me says TO ASK YOU TO ANSWER -ALL- OF THE QUESTIONS FROM THAT POST?????? YIKES

Hannah ur lucky I love u lol1. What is you middle//full name?Middle name is Brook2. How old are you?163. What is your birthday?Nov. 54. What is your zodiac sign?Scorpio5. What is your favorite color?This is very hard bc i like all the colors but I guess cyan or indigo6. What’s your lucky number?Nine7. Do you have any pets?Yes, many, but not quite as many add I've has in the past.8. Where are you from?Delanowhere9. How tall are you?5'2'(｡･ω･｡)10. What shoe size are you?Six or seven11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?That are wearable? Maybe like two or three.12. What was your last dream about?Rather not say.13. What talents do you have?I can sing, act, and draw fairly well.14. Are you psychic in any way?Not really15. Favorite song?Of all time, Bohemian Raphsody. Though I've been listening to Death of A Bachelor a lot lately.16. Favorite movie?Moana currently17. Who would be your ideal partner?Are u asking for a specific person or characteristics I find appealing in a romantic partner?18. Do you want children?No19. Do you want a church wedding?Not really but I guess I'd have one if my partner wanted one20. Are you religious?A little21. Have you ever been to the hospital?HAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha......... yes22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?Not on paper23. Have you ever met any celebrities?I've met Tom Brady, Nancy Kerrigan, and Vic Mignogna.24. Baths or showers?Both25. What color socks are you wearing?One of them is white with hearts on it and the other is pink with a blue and magenta diamond pattern26. Have you ever been famous?I've been in the local newspaper like five times and was on the front page for three.27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?I'm not planning on it, but I wouldn't turn it down if given the chance.28. What type of music do you like?Anything but country™29. Have you ever been skinny dippingNo30. How many pillows do you sleep withIt depends on my mood.31. What position do you usually sleep inCurled up on my side or flat on my stomach.32. How big is your house?Not big33. What do you typically have for breakfast?Whatever's already made or in the fridge. It's rare I make something just for breakfast.34. Have you ever fired a gun?Do water guns count?35. Have you ever tried archery?Yes36. Favorite clean word?Magenta37. Favorite swear word?Fuck38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?78 1/2 hours39. Do you have any scars?Yes40. Have you ever had a secret admirerYeah.41. Are you a good liar?I don't like lying, but I am very good at it.42. Are you a good judge of character?Usually43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?Without offending anyone, probably not. Lol the one I'm least likely to get slapped with is English.44. Do you have a strong accent?Not really.45. What is your favorite accent?Russian or Italian46. What is your personality type?INTP or INFP. I get different answers depending on the test.47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?Either the dress I wore to the home school prom I was invited to, or my choir uniform.48. Can you curl your tongue?Yes49. Are you an innie or an outie?Innie50. Left or right handed?I'm ambidextrous, but I trained myself to use my right hand more because society told me I was supposed to growing up.51. Are you scared of spiders?No, I love spiders! I was the little girl who chased boys around the playground with them and asked for a pet tarantula.52. Favorite food?Blueberry muffins53. Favorite foreign food?Churros54. Are you a clean or messy person?I'm clean but very disorganized.55. Most used phrase?Why are you like this56. Most used word?Same57. How long does it take for you to get ready?15-20 minutes without makeup or anything fancy58. Do you have much of an ego?Not usually59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?Succ60. Do you talk to yourself?Sometimes61. Do you sing to yourself?Yes62. Are you a good singer?I think so, otherwise I wouldn't be going to Mexico in two months.63. Biggest Fear?Being feared by people I love64. Are you a gossip?Not really65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?I'm not going to put too much thought into it but I guess Sweeny Todd66. Do you like long or short hair?Why not both67. Can you name all 50 states of America?If I weren't this tired, probably.68. Favorite school subject?If I can't pick art, it's science.69. Extrovert or Introvert?Ambivert70. Have you ever been scuba diving?No, but I'm actually planning to take lessons soon.71. What makes you nervous? Auditioning, talking to new people, trying to ask someone out, and many others.72. Are you scared of the dark?Yes and no73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?It depends on how big it is.74. Are you ticklish?................. maybe75. Have you ever started a rumor?No76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?Yes77. Have you ever drank underage?I've tasted some things. I'm allowed to have a small glass of wine on major holidays, but usually turn it down.78. Have you ever done drugs?Nope.79. Who was your first real crush?My friend Sean80. How many piercings do you have?Two, one in each ear. they've probably closed by now though.81. Can you roll your Rs?Yes82. How fast can you type?Medium I guess83. How fast can you run?Also medium I guess84. What color is your hair?Blonde with faded blue underneath. The blue kinda looks pastel now.85. What color is your eyes?Blue with a golden ring around the pupil86. What are you allergic to?Grass87. Do you keep a journal?No88. What do your parents do?My step dad is a heavy machinery mechanic89. Do you like your age?.... I guess?90. What makes you angry?Ignorant people, homophobes, being mocked or underestimated, ect.91. Do you like your own name?I guess. If I could change my name it would be Lisandre.92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?Nope, not having kids. 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a childNeither.94. What are you strengths?Drawing, singing, acting, I'm emotionally strong, I'm pretty intelligent,a genius on paper actually, ect.95. What are your weaknesses?I'm lazy, unorganized, find it hard to stay focused, bad at socializing with new people unless I already know we have similar interests, awkward unless I'm very comfortable with that person, bad at staying in touch, doubt myself, ect.96. How did you get your name?My biological father just came through the doorway one day and said "We're naming it Hailey" we have no idea why and I don't plan on asking him97. Were your ancestors royalty?There's a chance I'm related to Vlad the Impaler 98. Color of your room?Cyan99. Color of your bedspread?Pink, black, gray, and white.100. Make up your own question: what time is it right now and what should you be doing?It's 1:10am right now and I should very much be sleeping.

[rennyji]

June 3rd tweets...wondering, thoughts, relationships, past, normal tweets...

June 3rd tweets...as follows...-

-You know something, I mentioned how I like the name Rachel and once “knew of”(not know) a girl named Rachel. I remember being in one of the reading rooms in the library at Binghamton, during my last year there. -

-Before I figured this girl was going out with someone, random girls would shout the name “Rachel” in the quiet of the reading room- alluding to my interest reaching an audience-

-...but in hindsight, why shout the name...was i to react to it in someway? Or was it because this cr*p started a little earlier?! I mean, what?, shout the name and see how I react? On “what ‘level?’” This girl would always post a profile pic with two of her best friends.-

-On one occasion, I told a guy I was interested in this girl. One of her best friends was sitting a distance away, diagonally, at another table, in the food court. I’ve always wondered if this girl had super sonic hearing...-

-or is something relaying what I’m saying...the very next day, after my conversation,-

-I go to the coffee kiosk in the library and there are girls acting differently...when the girl dates a mechanical engineering major, after Easter or spring break, I go through the dining hall and there are random girls with the look, “lol you lost ur chance”...-

-then when I’m at the Starbucks up in Binghamton, there’s another best friend taking a picture of me through the glass window of the starbucks. Was that to show her friend that I’m not bothered about anything or because they were feeding into a medium? It could be-

-the medium as there were other kids with cameras...I think I remember telling my own friends about it. When I wrote about the girl on Facebook in Albany, a friend from a part time job in Binghamton messaged me on Facebook saying it’s a bad idea. -

-I guess I forgot 2remove him before writing was intended. But the thing with this is, in my calculus class in Albany, there was white male - little older than the rest- on 1day, who seemed enthusiastic to talk to me. Post writing on Facebook, he looked serious and ignoring me.-

-How could all of these social or environmental reactions happen within a day?! While I was in freedom apartments in Albany, there was what sounded like these slight male/female voices for a brief time while I was only there. Were those my roommates or...-

-questions questions, is cr*p American psychology waiting for something like this as part of their ridiculous methodology for some sissy American girl treatment? Trust me, in saying that I’m not advertising myself as “gangsta.” What do you think of me? -

-You see a soft angle to a multi angle personality and think I’m going to sensitively handle or cannot handle everything? What is my focus, and who is my audience?- remember that from the complaint form writing?! Am I not repeating everything from 11 years ago?-

-Compared 2habits now like buying sh*t, back then I was working out &swimming @ the local YMCA. So what is this cr*p about?! When I went to the FBI office in Bethlehem, NY , before the agent I spoke with, spoke to me, him &a woman on the upper floor of that area had these looks -

-on their faces like why is “he” here... when I wrote on a complaint form he suggested-probably as part of the f*kin country’s conspiracy to get me to write all day everyday- about certain kids, they walk past me, enraged, the next day. -

-When I went to Guilderland police department in the middle of the night, there was an officer behind a computer screen and an female officer talking to me. After talking to me partially, the female officer goes to the guy at the computer and I hear “what! You means it’s true?!”-

-Then she returns and tells me that what I’m saying is nothing. This much denying and getting people to follow instructions. I tell people to do something good with their lives, for themselves, they won’t do it. But you manage the world to be fake around me!-

-How is that, why is that? Remember you racist f* of orchestrators, in the end of this, one of us will be ruined. Whites and blacks, see your country in all its glory.

now in shifting the mood, focus...moving onto the next thing...

so a thought on relationships...-

-I believe before meeting a woman to be your girl friend or wife, having a career or at least a promising academic career, is essential. I means it’s different if ur just friends. When I first started college with my first major of engineering, it wasn’t going well. -

-In trying 2also have a good routine/schedule/full life, I still made time 4working out, part time jobs, &a girl friend. But as engineering went south, despite the great girl friend (she would walk from her off campus apartment to the campus library to study with me at 6 am),-

-I didn’t feel comfortable being in a relationship or asking someone out, when priority wise, my academic career was on the line. I want to have a life like my friend Sean and his wife. -

- Both of them have degrees, both of them are lawyers, both of them have each other’s back in all aspects-what a quality life you can build like that. They were best friends when we were all in college-What a privilege. -

-In my opinion, a career or academic career is essential 2a relationship, because when, in whatever regard, things get serious, u have a way of supporting each other or a potential way of supporting each other. When married or in a relationship, I want 2be an asset 2my partner, -

-I want 2make her day, and I want her to make mine. Even with the concept of flings, a career or academic career is essential. I mean regarding that, I feel Im from a different time. Amongst present college kids and that age group, things seem to be liberal and ok being liberal.-

-I mean, I went 2college in 2006 when Facebook 1st started- from a different time. When I’d interact with kids as a Residential Consultant ( label for IT Support part time jobs for college dorms) while living in the dorms in 2007 and 2008, I noticed every year, students change-

- in personalities. I think 2006 freshman were the last of an era, at least at Binghamton. I went to schools in the 90s where they tell you to act responsibly and be mindful of the consequences of your actions in a relationship and elsewhere- different time.-

-When I transferred to the party school, maybe my peers of the time thought I’m a freshman or that I’m a teenager. But I was in my very early 20s. I grew up with a private education and transferred to a state school- a different sub culture. -

- I was in grade school when Britney Spears came out with “Oops I did it again,” the age of the Spice Girls, and the maca rana (the dance, if that’s how it’s spelled). If a fling goes south, with no career or academic career, how do you take care of things?...-

-I mean in most cases, not the kinda thing you’d ideally want to go to your parents about. In the time I grew up, having a lot of girl friends or flings put women off. It ruins ur chances of meeting that dream girl for the future. -

-But nowadays, I think people think or are taught differently or are set one way by their friends. Honestly, I don’t know what to make of things anymore -  not in a good way or a bad way. -

-I think women as a whole have changed. U always hear guys are after only 1 thing, but there was 1 girl I liked, who I wasn’t sure liked me, there were some interactions like we became Facebook friends, then all of a sudden she deletes me without cause &goes a step further to -

-block me- a little extreme. You get curious and manage to see the profile pic of her under the covers with the lead guy in a band. To make someone jealous? Or wanting to fulfill a - I guess - a girls dream of being with a guy in a band?..-

-no offense to him, but I don’t think on my worst day, I’d lose a girl to him, but whatever. Even compared to her, or in general, I don’t get how girls pick guys. -

-Point being women can be strange and have changed over time. On that note, I think it happened in April. In Binghamton, it was a time for spring dances at the school, and I couldn’t help but think, amidst her friends, -

-this girl would wanted to take part in something like that or might feel left out. There was a time I’d see her going up the stairs to the dorm as I’d go down, and she was carrying a red suitcase with I think wheels and a handle. -

-Might remember it wrong. I thought maybe she has a strict family and they make her go home on the weekends in the beginning and she just wants to live her life to the fullest, like in what she may feel her friends are doing. -

-While I’m a solo act since the first grade despite passing friends and the interest of others(due to the story that comes after this whole thought/section), she needs friends and clearly gets supportive friends..I mean I could be reading into the whole thing...-

-but that was my impression...when her mother (or I think it was cuz it’s different from the pictures online) came to pick her up at the end of the school year, I kind of waved goodbye to her, and as they were driving, they paused for a moment, and I couldn’t help but wonder if-

-her mother wasn’t asking her about the boy that waved at her. My school wasn’t going well and I couldn’t dance. I was hoping she would find someone, but letting go of an interest for responsibility is a sacrifice that requires effort.-

-I mean you wait for a combination of characteristics and the universe delivers at the most inconvenient time. When I’d go to Church around that time, out of my interest and resulting thoughts for the girl, I’d pray she’d find someone good for her.-

-Kind of feel like doing stuff like that as part of the aforementioned effort a sentence or two ago. If there was anything to be angry about, it was the psychotic after effect. She gets the guy and randomness follows for me.-

-In order to be away from familial and cultural obligations on a level beyond college, I need a career, and for that I need a good degree, all so that I can live and experience life to the fullest. I couldn’t help but feel there were those who’d read into my actions. -

-All that said, pull something like that while dating me, I’m Not so well wishing or understanding, or forgiving that is if it happened to a couple dating. -

-My whole life of going to catholic schools and all boys high school, I aimed for the dream of making the prettiest woman my best friend in college and marrying her.-

-Then this present day 11+ year “situation” happened, messing up my academics, limiting my career options, keeping women as a whole away from me...I mean, such was my dream, as mentioned, as a kid and in my teenage years and 20s. -

-Now I’m in my very early 30s and my dream about a woman seems to carry no value or effect. The dream just seemed like a waste of time (although no dream, especially marrying a best friend should be) cuz life itself went out of its way to go upside down for me. -

-I mean in hindsight, you wonder, did you have high morals, think too much, or are you in fact right that the rest of the world didn’t think enough or think things through. I mean, in all humility, 11+ years ago, I was a pretty decent looking guy...-

-.if nothing else, I had the thickest of hair and it was long...at that time, I had so many female prospects but stayed focused on my dream...-

-here I am 11+ years later, bald, losing muscle and gaining weight from inflicted lifestyles by the orchestrators, tired, and having the world on one team or one side while I’m on another.-

-It makes you think about morals, right and wrong, and a bunch of things like that, as ur left alone and bored out of ur mind, feeling like in a pretty jail cell’s bed, for all these years. -

-I think right & wrong, boils down 2 whats right “for an individual,” at a particular point in their life. In life, there are rules, religion, traditions, cultures...but ur job as a person is 2 live in each second, making both smart & wise decisions, as appropriate 4 ur life, -

-without caring about what others think. Don’t model your life on anyone, but your goals and dreams. Going back to the main point, Time and opportunities were stolen from me, and here I am today, in a different world, with the dream squashed.

Regarding something mentioned in the previous section/thought/set of tweets, here's a tale from the past:-

-You wanna know how long my dream of marrying my best friend dates back? Here’s a story. Although born and brought up here, when I was in pre-k, I didn’t speak that much English, because I spent time with my paternal grandmother mostly. -

-She would speak to me in our Indian dialect, and with my parents being Indian immigrants, she was of the belief, “why does their son need to learn English?” In pre-K, there was an Indian girl that I  friended and spent all of my time with. -

-Our parents friended each other and carpooled and we went over each other’s houses and birthday parties. While she gathered together in a circle with her girl friends, I’d hover around her.-

-In the same way, I expect potential girl friends and my wife to teach me how to dance, my kindergarten friend would teach me how to bike ride and roller blade. She was my courage. -

When we were in kindergarten, if she was absent from school, I would run away from school. I managed, on one such occasion, to escape my kindergarten teacher’s notice, and ran for home, as the school was 5 min away from my old house near central ave in Yonkers.-

-My dad was walking home and caught sight of me, and I forget if he took me back to school or took me home with him. When I graduated from that school, the kindergarten teacher was sure to write about that in my year book. That was my relationship with this girl. -

-Then, as first grade approached, her father, a doctor, had a job transfer far away. She was going to leave me. It was something I had to accept about my first friend as first grade approached.- 

-But at that time, I decided I would find a replacement to be my best friend, and marry her. That’s the origin of the dream the orchestrators squashed.

and now, normal tweets...-

Was listening 2"All 10's" playlist on Spotify the other day. Heard this girly song called Shower, by an artist w/a very girly name of "BeckyG"..Despite transitioning from Memories-Kid Cudi/David Guetta-I couldn't help but think ofMyself dancing w/a potential daughter 2that song.

Bad Blood music video from Taylor Swift...with all those Wonder Woman like women in the video, makes a guy wish he was taller to be with them...

I heard on the news that you should wash you hands with soap for 30 seconds after touching money, as cash and coins have been handled by who-knows-how-many-people-doing-whatever... I wonder if anyone else does it...kind of a pain, and more incentive to use the card...-

-especially if you get rewards for using it or get benefits...

How do eat your yogurt? When I eat my cup of Greek yogurt, with one lick off the spoon-without too much tongue exposure-I consume my yogurt. I mean, I eat it kind of like a chocolate soft cone from Carvel, not like cereal.

Yeah life is a journey...awaiting my destination, as I’ve been traveling for 11+ years...

Why isn’t there a Wegmans in Yonkers/Bronxville?! You can still shop there through InstaCart App...you get some exotic stuff like Japanese energizing cold green tea in a can...

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week 26

capsule reviews of the songs which debuted on the 7 July 2017 and 8 July 2017 editions of the billboard hot 100

7.7.2007

61) "Lost," Faith Hill

"With everything I have doesn't mean a thing if it's without you." I. Don't know what that means? I could stare at some of these lyrics and not really understand what's happening other than I'm supposed to believe in love and all its power, which is probably the most we can expect out of a late-career Faith Hill song. It's not great, but, y'know, just as I feel weird about trying to assess Fifth Harmony songs, I feel like Faith Hill songs are reaching for that Aunt With Too Many Inspirational Quote Pillows demographic, and I have to respect the choice she had made to service this demographic. This was someone's third wedding song, and I think that's beautiful. (Also, credit where credit's due, Kara DioGuardi co-wrote a song I tolerated.)

65) "Never Wanted Nothing More," Kenny Chesney

This is a weird one. Because it's Kenny Chesney, but it's also Chris Stapleton, but it's also Chris Stapleton writing a Kenny Chesney song. It's complicated. Like, you look at Kanye West's early discography, you see names you know, Jermaine Dupri, Goodie Mob, Lil' Kim, Nas, Alicia Keys, you see respectable names, you can see how the songs Kanye produced would fit into the greater Kanye catalogue. There's a difference, of course, between production and writing, but early Kanye doesn't feel like producer-for-hire. This song is written so outside the voice I've come to associate with Chris Stapleton that I can't imagine him ever writing it. Like, this song fits in with the Chris Stapleton origin story because it shows Chris Stapleton has been doing this thing for a long time and was good at it, but that's the only way it fits. This is just a Kenny Chesney song that Chris Stapleton happened to write, whereas "Izzo" is a Jay-Z song with a Kanye beat. Country music's weird as hell, man. I ain't gonna get it.

69) "Dance Tonight," Paul McCartney

it's gotta be pretty nuts to know that your status as one of the greatest songwriters of all time is so secure that there is absolutely nothing you could do to remove yourself from that pedestal. Like, the only reason I can find for a song like this (read: a bad one) being made from a dude at this level is, he was bored and wanted to see if people would call it an extraordinary songwriting feat if he just dropped a track like "it's nice when people have fun!"

74) "Let It Go," Keyshia Cole ft./Missy Elliott & Lil Kim

Pretty good! A little subdued for my taste, a little too restrained for a song about letting go, but I think we've talked about how I'm not naturally drawn to R&B simply because the genre is so subdued and restrained, so it's probably my own fault I'm not as into this song as I feel I should be. Like, I like all the names involved, I thnk Keyshia Cole was a pretty decent singer, I like the ingredients of the song, but someone put them together with a different palette than mine in mind. Ugh, and that's just the worst, how the world doesn't make enough things for white males to enjoy. This song, though, I think it's a'ight! I have no complaints about it specifically!

91) "How Do I Breathe," Mario

...i swear i've heard this exact same r&b song at least twice, though. like, "let it go" had missy on the track, it was cool. this is another song about a man who is sad his girlfriend left him and wishes she would come back. mario's a more engaging vocalist than the joes and tanks of 2007, like i'd like to hear him sing a better song, but... man, this week is just songs i didn't need to hear, and not in the sense that pop music is bad and i shouldn't try to listen to this much of it, more that 2007 just kinda said, "hey, here's some shit you've already heard from us, have fun." i feel i don't need to have an opinion on this song because i've already had an opinion on some stargate joint or another, y'know?

97) "Doomsday Clock," Smashing Pumpkins

hey speaking of unnecessary, another smashing pumpkins song! and not even one i need to begrudgingly admit is good, this one is the thing i expected smashing pumpkins to sound like, billy corgan nasally whining about some bullshit or another while the guitar plods along dutifully. nothing here is innovative, nothing here takes smashing pumpkins and frames it in a new light for me, this is just a song that exists. these songs all exist.

Well, obviously, since we’re hitting the halfway point, we’re gonna be doing something special! ...Or I would forget how to count and not realize this was the halfway point. Anyway, no Top 20s because nothing changed. 2017!

8 July 2017

4) "Wild Thoughts," by DJ Khaled ft./Rihanna & Bryson Tiller

I don't believe anything Bryson Tiller says on this song. My understanding of Bryson Tiller was that he was a simpering sad boy who sang about his feelings, so when he comes on a track where he a) has to present himself as an equal to Rihanna and b) has to make the argument that he is a worthy sexual partner for Rihanna, it's hard to take him seriously, because all he's done before suggests he's not this person. Like, someone thought of Bryson Tiller was the answer to the question "Who could make Rihanna think wild thoughts?" and that's just amazing to me. Literally anyone else would have been better. Are we not ready to lean so fully into the Latin trend that we'll give Luis Fonsi a starring role in a DJ Khaled song? Are we just this over Miguel? Hell, we know from "Run Up" that PARTYNEXTDOOR's capable of being occasionally interesting, why not him! This song could've been something, but man, that Bryson Tiller feature sinks it.

51) "Feels," by Calvin Harris ft./Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean

I appreciate the work Calvin Harris puts in to making pop music funky again, I think he's aware there's a direct line in music history from him to The Chainsmokers and he's doing his best to distance himself from that, but there's a limit to how much I can enjoy a song with the line "I know you're not afraid to catch feels with me." Like, this is another good song, Calvin Harris has been doing work this spring/early summer, it's just, one of them has to be the worst, and it's this one with its tumblr-ass hook. I wish I had a more legit reason to not be into this song. Nope. It's just that one word. I don't even necessarily mind that word, it's just, an entire song built around that word isn't a party I wanna attend.

61) "First Day Out," by Kodak Black

Nope!

83) "Relationship," by Young Thug ft./Future

Comparing Young Thug to the other dudes in his genre is like comparing a wasp to a group of bumblebees. They're sort of the same thing, but Young Thug is so much different and fearsome. ...This isn't his best song? This is the song you'd expect to chart off the album given the pedigree, but also, it isn't, because there's so many other, better songs on the album? But we should be evaluating this song for what it is, not what it isn't. "I put my dick inside her mouth before she act." Neat! Of all the many things Young Thug is, he is not perfect.

89) "Feel it Still," by Portugal. The Man

I AM IN FAVOR OF ALL THE BRASS 2017 HAS GIVEN ME THIS YEAR. The only instance of a brass instrument I remember from 2007 is the "Get Buck" beat, and I am so thrilled with the occasional blasts on this song. It's a fun song by a band I know I've heard about at some point but didn't expect to see here. I thought Portugal. The Man was ponderous indie nonsense, but yo, if they got one of these in them, I'm down to see what else they got. It's weird when it turns out bands everyone says is good make good songs. Like, what happened to bands like the Arcade Fire, who just whined monotonously over jingle-jangling?

100) "Real Hitta," by Piles ft./Kodak Black

...Are you. Guys. Are you serious? Piles? PIIIIIIILES? Of all the fucking. So many rappers hit in 2007, and the one y'all dredged up to make the Deacde Dance Club, literally the week I introduce that as a thing, is maybe the worst one, the one whose name I didn't even bother to spell right, I thought he was so yesterday. I'm not gonna listen to it for what I hope are obvious reasons, but that doesn't mean we can't jump into the AZ Lyrics page. "All that ass she got back there startin' to look like a Pamper" This is the least sexy way to describe a butt since "My Humps." "Sex game undefeated, think I'm 100-0" ...Has Piles only fucked 100 times? I mean. Hey, nothin' wrong with that, I'm not here to prude shame anyone or promote promiscuity or whatever, but even in the last 10 years, 3,650 days, Piles has only fucked once every five weeks or so? Or is he just on a winning streak, like, that's how many times in a row he's ejaculated? (I'm assuming he's not bragging that, every time he has sex, he makes the woman cum. I don't think Piles has ever had a woman's pleasure in mind when setting about his business.) This is a bizarre boast. "Biggest thing he ever did for you was take you to Chili's." ...Okay. Okay, that's pretty good. "That lil pussy was so sorry, I call it minimum wage." You know what fuck it I'll take gross political commentary. Piles had two lines I enjoyed out of the context of the song! There may be hope for all of us y -- oh right Kodak Black "I'ma come through, and I'ma fuck ya like the police lookin' for me" Well, that's about as tone deaf as I expected, alright, well, there's hope for some of us.

Decade Dance Party

...Um. 31) Piles We said that it’s hard to have two hits ten years apart. What this list presupposes is... What if it isn’t?

Who Won the Week?

A few weeks ago, there was like a three-year stretch where the Houston Texans and the Cincinatti Bengals would play each other in the football playoffs. They were boring games and bad to watch, and while the Bengals and Texans were good enough to have made the playoffs, it kinda sucked that one of the two got to go to the next round while a different, more fun team to watch gets eliminated, or was left out of the playoffs entirely. “Feel It Still” is a fine song and is definitely better than “Let it Go,” but like. “Feel it Still” shouldn’t be the champion for the week. I dunno, kinda meh for both weeks, 2017 takes it because I don’t think “Feel it Still” should get demerits for all the Kodak Black I didn’t listen to. So.

2017: 14 2007: 12

Next week, 2007 is giving us what is indisputably greater than all The Beatles songs put together. (I linked to that specific post because gosh that dude adding his two cents at the end is the reason op exists.) But will it be better than the alt-country song and the indie-rock song I for some reason ranked over “Umbrella?” ONLY TIME WILL TELL.