#almost as bad as me :P

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[claitea]

i've had these scenarios written down since volo's debut in pokemon masters and i just really wanted to scribble them down and finally release them

[zankydraws]

I saw the "draw your babygirl like this" post and had to draw some good stuff ;)

the third one is more cartoonish bc I didn't really know what do to with it lol

og pictures:

[thekidsarentalright]

so anyways some legends are told some turn to dust or to gold but you will remember me, remember me for centuries, and just one mistake is all it will take, we’ll go down in history, remember me for centuries, remember me for centuries. Mummified my teenage dreams, no it’s nothing wrong with me, the kids are all wrong, the story’s all off, heavy metal broke my heart. come on, come on and let me in, bruises on your thighs like my fingerprints- and this is supposed to match, the darkness that you felt, i never meant for you to fix yourself. some legends are told some turn to dust or to gold but you will remember me, remember me for centuries, and just one mistake is all it will take, we’ll go down in history, remember me for centuries, remember me for centuries. And i can’t stop till the whole world knows my name, ‘cause i was only born inside my dreams. Until you die for me, as long as there’s a light, my shadow’s over you ‘cause I am the opposite of amnesia. And you’re a cherry blossom, you’re about to bloom, you look so pretty but you’re gone so soon. some legends are told some turn to dust or to gold but you will remember me, remember me for centuries, and just one mistake is all it will take, we’ll go down in history, remember me for centuries, remember me for centuries. We’ve been here forever, and here’s the frozen proof, I could scream forever, we are the poisoned youth. some legends are told some turn to dust or to gold but you will remember me, remember me for centuries, and just one mistake is all it will take, we’ll go down in history, remember me for centuries, remember me for centuries.

[tradingjack]

having fun with colors for once :P

thanks @creepycoffins for the awesome dtiys :D

[musashi]

i JUST realized this might be related to one of my other friends in the mvk fandom suddenly hardblocking me so uh

hey y'all! if you frequent the mvk tag, there is a regular blogger there who i will not name, but who has some sort of pathological attachment/obsession with me. they and i were tumblr mutuals but we were not close. we DM'd twice and had scattered interactions here and there.

they are accusing me of:

being abusive toward them

being otherwise cruel to them

being ableist against disabled folks who are high-support???

sending suibait/having my friends send suibait

probably other things.

EDIT: someone's informed me they're accusing me of posting private stuff from their vent account? the only account i know of theirs is the one we were mutuals on

i can't stress enough that none of this is true. there is no proof of it and if you press this person they will have none. all that happened was some time about a year ago when we were mutuals, i feared they might be vagueblogging about me when i was having depressive episodes and i sent them this message about it:

i was being honest here, but they then turned around and said i was spot on--they were vagueblogging about how badly they wanted me to shut the fuck up, stop whining, etc (paraphrasing, but that was the vibe exactly) every time i needed social support. they have since deleted their message admitting to this. i am so sorry i cannot prove it.

since then multiple mutual friends of ours have unfollowed them because they squat on ym blog and, again, pathologically blog about me. they revel and make posts about "justice" and "karma" whenever i am upset on here. they scream and yell and cry whenever i am happy. they have admitted to wanting to convince their mutuals to abandon me:

again, i can't prove this is about me but i have a lot of testimonials from people who noticed this being in both our circles and can vouch for it. initially i was just going to roll my eyes and move on but i think they might be telling other people i'm some horrible fucking abuser who mistreated them when i wasn't even close enough to them to do so.

anyways, sorry to everyone who tracks the tag! i don't know how to prove that i didn't hurt this person. but... like... if they approach you, please do your best to use best judgement and consider the facts in front of you.

again, i will not be naming them. this is not a callout post. this is a preventative measure, because i am a traumatized wreck and i really cannot deal with things of this nature.

[bleaksqueak]

Also i know i’ve yammered about how much i loved it already, but really, check out this soundtrack if you haven’t

Will tumblr let me link three videos?? Let’s find out!

[shima-draws]

Also it really sucks bc I want to draw but I CAN’T bc I’m in a lot of pain rn. Sitting here like

[13eyond13]

actually stunned by how gay The Beatles has been all this time and I just never knew

[lordzuuko]

My perfect guard skills activates so hard when I'm living on a prayer 🤣

[bittersweet-zarzamora]

i checked and i've been drawing for 10 hours straight with little breaks O_O

[kathybluecaller]

Finally got around drawing Aioros :D

[peppermintpegis]

netflix one piece live action feels a little like fanfic in that it makes sure it hits all the important notes but doesnt do all the work to make them hit which works in fic where the reader is supposed to bring all the emotional story investment from the original but doesnt work in a multi million adaptation that is supposed to be able to stand on its own or even serve as an intro to the series. it even does this in service to have more koby and helmeppo gay moments in this essay i w

[pigeons-paintbrush]

wanted to try making some pixel art & do something for pride (esp wanted to give a break to everyone out there warring against the bots in our tags), so I drew some characters i like to hc as somewhere on the aro /ace spectrums, or both! bc i am Not Projecting why are they all men 💀

also exporting this was a nightmare so the photos are all different sizes but ive been here for like an hour and im tired of fussing with it. you guys get the point its fanart look at it

all together under the cut

[twilightcunt]

I’ve been rewatching Person of Interest and I’ve finally reached that episode in season 3. I can’t believe they fucking kill her 😭😭😭😭😭 It’s been haunting my mind since halfway through season 2 and now I’m gonna have to see it all over again.