#also 'why is this adult so fixated on teenagers???' my guy

[kurokoros]

imagine blatantly mocking people for being 25+ in fandom spaces, then going on to say you aren’t ageist while in the same breath declaring that it’s okay to be wary of people over 25 because they’re older than most people in fandom spaces, as if fandom isn’t known for being started by 30+ year old women writing kirk/spock fanfiction

[zoe-oneesama]

Not to say either of them is right here, but what's wrong with the ice cream guy? I haven't kept up with the show proper in several seasons, so I'm probably very out of touch.

He is The Villain of ML in my heart.

His magic ice cream is wildly inconsistent. It's Soulmate Ice Cream! Except when it's Just Friend Ice Cream! Well, until he ONLY gives ice cream to lovers, NOT good friends who have fun together! But sometimes he gives ice cream to couples that DO break up! What are the rules? WHO CARES, CERTAINLY NOT ANDRE! I can't even put stock in his ability ACTUALLY being magic when it's constantly contradicting itself. I'm pretty sure he's just convinced himself that he has magic when he doesn't and his ego is easily bruised if anything pulls him out of his fantasy.

Plus he inexplicably always blames Marinette every time he's akumatized, no matter how far he has to stretch to do so. Once when she didn't even interact with him directly!

The first time because she went home without eating his "Soulmate Ice Cream(tm)" by herself as a 5th wheel. Because, what, her leaving meant his ice cream "failed"? Wasn't the point that two people are supposed to share the ice cream for the magic to work? But because she was like "no thanks", he swears revenge on her???

The second time because he was so invested in shipping two strangers that he got mad at Marinette for...being seen in public with one leg of the ship? After Ladybug had made it perfectly clear that she and Chat Noir were NOT a couple and so Chat Noir has the right to have fun with whoever he wants to???? Because "my ice cream is never wrong"?!?!

It didn't seem to work out for Lukanette or Adrigami so I don't know where you get the gall to even continue to make that bullshit claim, but OKAY.

And the third time, HE had the audacity to blame HER for making him "lose faith in ice cream and love" when he REFUSED TO SERVE HER! He flat out denied her and Chat Noir ice cream because he doesn't make "good friend" ice cream despite them BEING ON A DATE, and then has the GLUTEN FREE AUDACITY to be mad when tHEY are UPSET by it!

Oh but that wasn't a problem in "Wishmaker" when it was Marinette sharing with Luka, but sure, make up new things just so you can get mad about it, that makes sense.

I also have a personal vendetta against him for being the one to out Marinette's feelings for Adrien to Adrien. After 4 seasons of build up, this is how Adrien finds out? Horrible, vile, detention, exile, I hate him. I mean I've been done with him since "Heart Hunter"/"Miracle Queen", but they just loooooove to PILE IT ON.

Like, wouldn't it make more sense for Andre to have been the one person to see through the Love Square? Even if he didn't fully understand it, since Ladybug = Marinette and Chat Noir = Adrien, wouldn't it just make sense for Magic Ice Cream to be able to see past that because They're Soulmates(tm)? But he's only invested in ONE of the pairings, not even like two of the pairings that are seemingly unrelated. He is NEVER as passionate about Adrienette as he is about LadyNoir...but why???? Why is he so blase about Marinette going with Luka or Adrien being with whoever when he can't even handle Chat Noir LAUGHING with a girl who Isn't Ladybug?

They never even have fun and explore what he'd do if he caught a Ladrien date, would he be angry at Adrien like he is with Marinette, or does he just have it out for her specifically?

At this point I'm just convinced he's only so invested in the LadyNoir pairing because he's publicly endorsed them so much and if they don't end up together he'll be outed for being a Hack Fraud. His fixation on two teenagers becoming a couple as a grown adult and falling to pieces just because Marinette has other ways to have fun instead of eating Ice Cream she doesn't even get to choose the flavor of...

Yeah, throw him in jail Chloe.

[total-feminism-takes]

Hey same anon who sent the really long Leshawna take

I think the fandom (outside of Tumblr mostly) has a really big problem of “forgetting” that the characters are teenagers and sexualizing the everloving fuck out of them. Especially Lindsay and Gwen which ew. (And also some guys but this isn’t the blog for that)

Lindsay is one of my favourite characters to draw but i always feel really gross drawing her because her body type is one that is very sexualized and it makes me feel like by proxy I am sexualizing her by just drawing her in a completely non sexual situation (which I am not, I realize that) and the fandoms weird fixation on making her this “sexy plastic bimbo” does NOT help with that at all.

There is also the weird thing of people saying that Chris is a pedophile and targets Lindsay because of a few lines and it’s so gross and disgusting. Please do not bring that into a fandom chock full of minors. in any fandom it’s weird to make a character into a predator but it’s so much worse when it’s one of the very few adult characters in the media who’s voice actor IS A PREDATOR IN REAL LIFE. if anything you should distance that character from the previous voice actor not double down

(Hate saying this but) take overwatch for example, the character Cassidy had his name changed because the blizzard employee he was named after was sexually harassing other employees, did they make him into a sexual harasser because the employee he was named after was one? No! They fired the employee, changed his name and moved on. If they can do that why can’t the total drama fandom do something similar?

Sorry, long tangent but all in all I think the fandom needs to leave Lindsay the fuck alone until they become normal about big chested teenagers alone

-📺 (is this proxy taken?)

- 🧡

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

how do you write jahaera in the fathers clad in fire? Does it come natural? Or do you have certain idea of who she is and based on that you write her dialogue you write her response?

because i just innately feel characterization of her in the story is so authentic. This makes me wonder how the heck you guys achieved that with lack of material on jaehara?

how do you see her personality, her values, her interests? How do you think she would express affection and love?

I love this! Thanks so much for asking about Jae!

The kids are some of my favorite characters to write. Aside from being a high school history teacher, I'm a mom myself to two teenagers, a son and a daughter. I draw on my own experience with kids a lot when I write Jaehaera, and my personal and professional knowledge of children! Kids are hard to get right, especially traumatized kids. Children, I think, are one of George's weak spots and he writes without a clear idea of what is developmentally appropriate for kids at various ages (think about the scene in F&B when three year old Joffrey tries to stop Aemond from claiming Vhagar). That's something we wanted to avoid. We want our eight year old to feel eight, our fourteen year olds to feel fourteen. Most of all when I write the children I try to think about what would be an age appropriate responses in the situations they face, what sorts of things my own children were fascinated by when they were at these ages, the kinds of reactions they had to setbacks and successes, and the sorts of relationships they formed with adults and with other children. (more below the cut)

It was important for us that all of the kids have personalities of their own that, while informed by their trauma, are not entirely comprised of their trauma. While they're traumatized kids, they're still kids! Our Jae has a fascination with the spooky and the weird that we extrapolated from her dragon being named Morghul, which basically is "Death" in Valyrian. It's a lot of fun to imagine the various odd myths and creatures and odd stories that Jae would get fixated on. Experiencing the real life horrors didn't make Jae less fascinated by scary things, but she likes her horrors to remain otherworldly. Stories about Ice Spiders are fun and cool, stories about scary men with knives are not. We also picked up on Jae's likely neurodivergence from the books, which tell us she was quiet and didn't show emotion like other children. Of course, those are accounts of people who didn't know her or really care about her. Our Jae is a bit older, so she does speak, and we see her through the eyes of people who love her and know her (or Baela, who is interested in knowing her), so her quirks are just that, quirks. Aegon is very protective of her and hates when people insinuate that she's simple because she's actually quite smart, and when it comes to her hyperfixations, she reads a ton. Basically, for her characterization, we took what little crumbs were there, and ran with them, extrapolating from there to create our version of Jae who is serious, opinionated, protective, possessive, and fierce.

I love that you ask about how Jae shows affection because that's a big part of the next chapter. Jae is much more likely to show affection with actions rather than with words. As Jae is usually quite possessive (as you saw when Gaemon played with papa's lute), it's a big deal when she shares something that is special to her, especially the things that bring her comfort (a trait she shares with her dad, only Aegon is usually sharing food or drink rather than things!). And if you mess with someone she cares about, watch out! To illustrate, here's a small snip from the upcoming chapter, when Baela's sister Rhaena makes a surprise visit with her dragon, Morning:

“Why are there two of you?” Jaehaera asked. She was sat at a low table nearby, a large paper in front of her as well as several inkpots with various colored inks, drawing what looked to be a large spider. Aeg sat beside her with a paper of his own, although his drawing was of Dragonstone’s keep. At Jaehaera’s voice he looked up, his eyes darting from Baela to Rhaena. “Princess Jaehaera, Gaemon, this is my sister, Rhaena. She and I look alike because she’s my twin," Baela said. Jaehaera narrowed her eyes, clearly skeptical. Of course, Baela thought, her twin had been a brother, not her own mirror image. “Aegon,” Rhaena said, a plaintive note to her voice. “It’s me. It’s Rhaena. Come here, sweet boy.” Aeg stood from the table, his eyes fixed upon Rhaena. Baela knew the exact moment he noticed Morning upon her shoulder, for he shook his head. “Why is it here?” His voice trembled. “Baela you promised.” “She’s just a hatchling, Aeg,” Rhaena said. “Her name is Morning. Don’t you want to meet her?” Aeg backed up, tears filling his eyes. Before Baela could stop her, Rhaena took a step forward. “No,” shrieked Aeg. “No! No! Rhaena, no!” Jaehaera glanced at him, her eyes wide, then glared back at Rhaena. “He’s afraid of dragons, stupid.”

I'll tag in @aifsaath in case she has anything to add!

[ly-art]

I had to do it. Snippet of Chapter ??? Of my Sebastian x MC fic (they're 23 guys, not teens here)

Okay, so my creativity slapped me in the face and said, "Hey, this chapter is nowhere near the beginning but because I have fun torturing you, you can write this scene, RIGHT NOW!" So I did. Oh also my fic will be Explicit for those who didn't guess lmao the snippet is not

So she scurried around her house, carefully looking into every corner, wondering where he went. Just as she was putting her head into the kitchen, a deep voice made her flinch. "What in the world are you doing, sneaking around in your own house, huh?" She squeaked, disappointed in herself for reacting like some random girl despite being an *Auror*. She slowly turned around, hoping not to flush like a tomato, but that hope was completely destroyed when she saw Sebastian. He leaned against the doorframe of her living room—naked, only a towel around his hips. He had this smug grin on his face she loathed and his eyes gleamed with mischief. Her mouth fell open, and she couldn't stop herself from looking him up and down. *More than once.* His grin widened, knowing full well where she was looking. Whatever doubts remained, that was not the teenage boy she knew. He was an adult, and she couldn't stop staring at his muscles. *What kind of life is he living to look like that?* "Enjoying the view, Cat?" he asked, his voice laced with obvious amusement. Somehow, Catriona managed to meet his eyes, but whatever words she was trying to form, her tongue was tied. Why was her mind blanking out? She had to say *something*. Sebastian couldn't have the upper hand here. Proud of herself, she finally found her voice again and tried to look annoyed. "You're really feeling at home here, Sebastian. Can you please explain why you're walking around like this?" "I bathed," he answered with a shrug. "I can see that," she gritted out, holding back on that eye roll. "But why are you not wearing any clothes after taking a bath?" "I wanted to see how'd you react." He couldn't be serious. Her *reaction*? For what reason? Was he insane? Did the Dark Arts decrease his intelligence? "And? Satisfied with my *reaction*?" "Very." "Great. Now, could you please wear some damn clothes?!" she pleaded, turning away from him as she dismissed him with a gesture. However, overconfidence always bit you back, and so she didn't anticipate him closing the distance. "Catriona." "What?!" She whirled around, glaring at him with so much fervor as possible and almost bit down on her tongue because he was mere inches away from her, still only a towel hiding his lower body. Sebastian tilted his head, studying her intently, and she felt like a deer caught in the light. Catriona couldn't look away. His eyes fixated her and she felt like watching into an abyss that slowly pulled her in. She tried to bring some distance between them by retreating towards the kitchen, but Sebastian quickly guided her towards a wall instead, his knee between her thighs. He placed his hands next to her head. "You know what I've noticed, Cat? You try to look angry, but underneath that little facade of yours, I can see something very different." Swallowing hard, she asked, "And what is that?" "Attraction. Desire. *Want*. Don't think I didn't see the looks you gave me. Especially just now." Catriona paled at this. He knew. Of course he knew. She made it so obvious. How shameful. If anyone knew she felt attracted to a dark wizard. To the man who didn't see her more as a tool. They would ridicule her, be disappointed in ger. She felt disgusted with herself. Despite her inner turmoil, she spat out, "You must be blind then. Because all I feel for you is hate. And stop calling me that! You lost that right the moment you decided to go the wrong way!" Sebastian arched an eyebrow. "Hate doesn't rule out attraction, Cat. What a coincidence that I feel the same. But why not have a little fun until it gets serious again?" His hand grabbed her chin, pulling her towards him, his voice a husky whisper. "And I'll call you whatever I want. You hold no power here. Try to stop me if you want."

My friend, who I always go to if I have problems or am uncertain about my writing convinced me to post this here, enjoy fellas. I'm trying my best to write it as fast as lightning!!

[myersobsession]

Human! Michael myers hcs (based on my au)

so i think human! michael prob ends up attracting a lot of girls, as seen in one of the movies a girl on the radio's actually attracted to him lol (it's cuz he's so "mysterious" so i'd think he'd have the same charm here)

i also think human michael had average grades in hs, like c's n all

alot of people think he's attractive, but are too intimidated to talk to him, and thinks it sucks he has no personality

if u think he talks here ur WRONGGG!!! i like to think he's selectively mute. but the chances he speaks to anyone is 0 to 0. (i'm sorry but it irks me when people make him speak)

tbh, i feel like michael doesn't rlly gaf abt his other family members or anyone at all in general hes kind of js in his little headspace

with laurie/cynthia he might disapprove of her having a bf, or he'll js not gaf.

he's aroace, he just doesn't know it. i like to think michael doesn't see gender and just sees people for what they are- meat and flesh but he doesn't terrorize him like his counterpart.

michael was probably compared to the other kids his age when he was younger, but didn't care

when he was younger, people thought he was a sociopath because of his lack of empathy and care for others. (he is)

he had therapy once, and that's how he met Dr. loomis. it didn't go well since he remained unresponsive. michael isn't all into the thought of telling a stranger ur problems lol

michael had no friends growing up, bc of how intimidating he came off, some kids also thought he was strange

people always thinks he's upset or mad at someone or something because of his facial expression 24/7 (it's his normal face)

he's autistic,,, he does fixate on people (otherwise known as his obsessions) that eventually transfers, his lack of empathy, the non verbalism

michael's very smart and strategic, generally speaking. he just doesn't present it around people as much so people think he's harmless or just dumb

when he was younger, he did hurt animals but it never reached to the extent of hurting people. he eventually grew out of it when he became a teenager

the only way he ever expressed himself as a child was because of his drawings as a kid. he used to draw disturbing things time to time though, because of his thoughts troubling him. it kind of served as an outlet or a physical manifestation of the things he thought

he does have dark thoughts/intrusive thoughts but doesn't act them out.

alike his counterpart, he probably did get thoughts about killing judith but like i said, didn't act them out!!

alot of people think michael's a cat person but personally i don't. generally speaking i think he doesn't like house pets at all, he thinks they're excess (too loud and too much work to take care of) however he wouldn't mind cats as much as dogs since they aren't as loud and occasionally clean themselves.

as a kid, he was left in a daycare, or occasionally judith had to watch after him, but she never did. he was left at a daycare sometimes because his parents would work so late.

he still doesn't like judith. even as adults they don't get along. he thinks she's annoying lol

i like to think his parents got him alot of clown themed toys, such as a jack in the box and etc bc they thought he liked clowns

michael used to use judith's and their mothers makeup for his drawings, or would go to judith's room to steal any crayons or coloring supplies she'd probably have.

michael's a stay at home guy, going out is too draining tbh :(

he doesn't like family dinners either. he's not very fond of his family (even as a kid)

when michael's older he becomes a mechanic.. i like to think it would js stay true to his counterpart with the coveralls n all, + i can't imagine him being a bigshot doctor or something. he js does something basic

he's very careless when it comes to his job, though. which is why his eye is still scarred lol

he has a huge pain tolerance though. he probably got hurt alot as a kid and can just brush it off. most he'll do in reaction to being wounded is getting irked because his actions are limited to an extent

michael's a very messy eater. even though he may be more civilized here, he won't hesitate to eat his food, hands on. (he knows how to use utensils, he just thinks it's tedious.)

that's it guys, lolsies!!! i have alot more to rant about him but this is all for now lolll

[shotbyafool]

hello anna shotbyafool. l have recently been dragged kicking and shouting back into my war and peace hyperfixation, which is fun as i am now also a Conference Adult instead of a small teenager. this is not an interest shared by my irls which is why i come here to say: soldier and rose from GQ as applied to literally any of the w&p soldiers and their lovers. thank you and goodnight.

us and our newfound Conference Adult status seem to be causing problems. we ought to call the whole thing off and revert, probably. but the free food supplied by aforementioned Conferences is just so darn delicious. I hope you are enjoying your Adult Conferences.

I am likely moments away from collapsing into my deep desire to do something drastic about Great Comet, though I’m unsure what that is. that might mean rewatching a bootleg, and if that is so then you all must pray for me. I think the only bootleg I still have is the final performance and if so it will soon all be over for me. I think you are so right to be hyper fixating on War and Peace this winter season.

Anyway, all this to say that I’ve been playing Pierre & Andrey when my frail heart allows. and I will soon start weeping. “Then take me onto the dance floor / And let me cry again your cheek / Then take me out back and shoot me in the alley” or however it goes. that’s all from memory there. I feel nauseous. hey, do you guys remember “And he smiled like his father / Coolly, maliciously // Well, it doesn’t matter”? that’s also all from memory. hey can anyone hear me.

[nysocboy]

School Spirits: Ghost girl, her gay bff, and their buds solve the mystery.

I'm a sucker for teenage ghost stories, as long as they are comedies, so I reviewed the first episode of School Spirits on Netflix

Maddie (Peyton List) wakes up in the boiler room of her high school.  Her blood is splattered around.  But that's not the worst part: she's dead!  She can't touch or move anything.  She can see and hear the living , but they can't see or hear her.  And she can't leave the campus!  

Her self-appointed guide is Charlie (Nick Pugliese, center), a gay kid who died in the school during the 1990s (peanut allergy, not hate crime).  He advises her to not try to remember how she died, since she can't change anything: no communication with the living is possible. But don't ghosts communicate with people all the time?  Maybe in the next episode.  And becoming fixated on the past is dangerous: some band members who died in a bus crash many years ago are obsessively performing the school fight song, over and over.

Charlie introduces Maddie to some other ghosts from various decades, notably Wally (Milo Mannheim, top photo and right), who died on the football field, and wishes that he had managed to shower first;  and the Goth Kirsten, who was murdered by her guidance counselor.  

Mr. Martin (Josh Zuckerman), a teacher who died in the school, offers regular group therapy, with regular homework ("write your obituary").  This doesn't get boring after 20 years because ghosts don't experience time in the same way that the living do.  He also advises Maddie to resist checking up on her living friends, as they will gradually forget her and move on.

Of course, Maddie doesn't listen.  She tries to recall events leading up to her death: first, she made plans with her BFFs, Simon (Kristian Ventura) and Nicole, to see Carrie that night.  

Her boyfriend Xavier (Spencer MacPherson) was skipping class, and texted her to join him for a smooch session in his car.  She talked him into going to the movie.  They met the others after class with the tickets.  And that's it.

Out in the living world, Maddie's body has not been found, so she gets "missing person" posters and "thoughts and prayers" in class.  The BFFs think that this is ridiculous: they should be out looking for her.  Suddenly Xavier's bag flies open: he has Maddie's cell phone!  Why didn't he tell anyone for the last three days?  This makes him the prime suspect in her murder. The sheriff (Ian Tracey, left), who also happens to be his Dad, arrests him.

Beefcake: Charlie's "office" is the shower room in the boy's gym, where he can watch an endless parade of butts.

Gay Characters: Charlie, and maybe Maddie's living bff, Simon. A future episode shows us Charlie’s high school boyfriend, Emilio, who is now all grown up, married to another guy, and teaching at the schoo (played as an adult by Andres Soto, seen here doing...um)

The Mystery:  "Who killed Maddie, and why?"  It's obviously not Xavier or one of her bffs, and those are the major living characters introduced to date.  I also hope that we have some subplots involving the other ghosts.

My Grade: A-

The NSFW version of this review, with Andres Soto desnudo, is on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends. (No connection to the show: it's just where I put NSFW reviews).

[cuntyqueerleondraisaitl]

My thoughts on Yellowjackets Season 1

Major spoilers for season one under the cut. Also, long

Okay I'm going to break this up into parts because I'm mentally ill and neurodivergent, need I say more?

Stuff I predicted.

First and foremost, I fucking called it that Coach Ben was gay. I was watching it with my cousins and I announced to the room: "The coach guy is gay, you can quote me on that!" Just for the record, my gaydar is very good.

Jackie's death was extremely sad, but I knew the second hallucination!Shauna let her inside. There's no way she would forgive her or be forgiven that fast, teenage girls are terrifying.

Predictions for the future:

They are 100% going to eat Jackie. Nuff Said.

Javi is dead. If not now, then soon.

There is a 0% chance that Shauna's baby is going to survive. Giving birth is dangerous enough on its own. But a teenager giving birth, in the woods, with no medication, no food, no doctors, under absolutely horrifying mental circumstances. There's no way in hell.

For this prediction, it must be known that I know absolutely nothing about lighters. But during the scene where Jackie was trying to light the fire before she died, I noticed that she was having trouble with the lighter. This could have been because she was shivering, or to further drive home the fact that she isn't good at "outdoorsy" stuff, but lighters do run on a small amount of fuel. And if that runs you can no longer use the lighter, it is also unlikely the lighters were full when they got them (I'm assuming they got them from the cabin, as it would be weird for a teenager to bring a lighter to a soccer game) So if the lighters run out or stop working, will they run out of fuel?

And, we have to talk about my least favourite arc of all time, Misty and the Coach. I hated this so fucking much. Adult Misty slays but '96 Misty makes me want to die. Anyway... I think he gon be outed. Misty fucking assaulted and terrorized this guy for so long, and then he told her that he was gay. She isn't going to sit on this, she's going to tell everyone. I don't think anyone's going to be homophobic, because they were all fine with Taivan, but I do think that this is going to really alienate her from Nat, who is Ben's best friend and #1 supporter.

In terms of whos, the head-honcho with the scary mask is, at this point, I'm almost certain that it's got to be Lottie. At first, I was betting on Taissa because of the whole "Became a leader in her adult life" thing, but now I'm shying against it, and I'm not quite sure why. Lottie is my first choice, not from a character standpoint, but purely from a literary one. She is the only character that has not yet appeared as an adult (next to Van) who has gotten any real characterization. And Van just kind of seems like a prop to be Tai's girlfriend and someone to get injured a shit ton. (I love Taivan, don't get me wrong)

Flight 571

If you don't know, flight 571 was a real flight, carrying a Urgarian rugby team, that crashed in the Andes. It is often known as "The Miracle of the Andes." Of the 45 people on the flight, 16 survived, and they did so by eating each other. It was a big hyper-fixation of mine for a while.

One of the biggest differences between the Yellowjackets vs 571, is the setting. As 571 crashed in the Anes, where there was absolutely no life, and their flight obviously crashed in the forest, where they can hunt. But as winter approaches, the two climates become more and more similar, which will probably lead to more parallels.

There are already a shit ton of parallels, starting way back in episode 2, with none other than Van. Her Flight 571 parallel is, arguably the most famous of the group, Nando Parrado. And although your parallels aren't glaring, there is no questioning that they're there. Nando had a fractured skull and was in a Coma for three days after the crash. At first, he was to be counted among the dead, but at the last minute, he was pulled back into the plane, where he survived and became one of the most important people on the flight and one of the survivors. This is a parallel to the way that Van almost died in the fire, but survived and became a very important figure.

In relation to the whole "eating Jackie" thing. In the real-life flight 571 They didn't eat the already dead, they only ate the people that had consented to be eaten when they were alive. This will most likely not play into it at all here, but I want to see how they handle the morality of the situation

Another thing that came up a lot in the crash of 571, was whether or not they could physically;y stomach the meat. Many passengers, even when dying of starvation, could not stomach the meat of their fellow passengers. Again, I doubt this will come up, but It would be dope if it did.

Rationing horror. I want it. I know I'm a jerk, but there is one instance in 571 that has always stuck with me, and this is the fact that one of the 571 passengers (I believe it was my man Nando) ate one chocolate-covered almond over the course of three days. First the outer layer of the chocolate, and then the two slivers of almond, one at a time. I don't have a reason for it, but I really want this to play a part.

I'm very confused about how the cannibalism wasn't immediately found out when they were rescued. In the real-life Andes flight, people figured it out almost immediately. They were immediately rushed to the hospital, and when the doctors puzzled out that they had to be eating something, it was all out in the open pretty fast. I'm curious how the Yellowjackets managed to cover it up.

Things I Loved

Pretty much the whole show. Even the things I hated (see below) are either so small or made sense narratively that it allowed for a really enjoyable watching experience. It was beautiful to look at. Amazingly acted. Amazingly scripted. And just an all-around excellent show.

Things I hated

The Misty/Ben arc. I hated this so fucking much. Ben is my favourite character, and he was straight-up getting harassed by Misty. She also only stopped when she forced him out. And even then she didn't stop being bitter about it. ("[Ben] tricked me into falling in love with him") She also TRIED TO RAPE HIM??? Even after he said no multiple times during episode nine. It also made me cringe, super hard, which isn't as important but still makes me hate it. This is why I have '96 Misty. I understand that it made literary sense, but still...

The fact that 571 is canon in the Yellowjackets universe. It is mentioned in a throwaway line said by that reporter. I believe in episode eight, It feels like a mistake, like when Hot Tub Time Machine was referenced in Endgame. I have already said that it is clear that Yellowjackets is loosely based on flight 571, which makes me feel weird...

The way that schizophrenia was presented. I'm not Schitzo Spec, nor a medical professional so I'm not speaking from experience, but from the research I've done, it can be pretty harmful to use hallucinations to convey evil things or to present it as a gift. Both of which are done in the show

Character Thoughts:

I am completely separating the '96 characters from the present day. In my mind thus far they are different people. This is in literally no order

Reporter: Literally no strong feelings about her what-so-ever, don't even know her name

Those three random girls: You know who I'm talking about. I don't even know their names so I don't care.

Jeff: I hate him. He makes me want to murder him. He cheated on his girlfriend with her best friend. Then blackmailed her friends for money because people didn't want his furniture. 0/10 do not recommend

'96 Misty: I really hate her, even more than Jeff. She's the only character who I like the present-day version of her more than the teen version. Again, the whole Misty/Ben act made me really deeply resent her

Present-day Misty: I love her. So much. She and House should team up and create the malpractice hospital of the century. I was on the fence about her until the very end when she poisoned the reporters cigarettes. And now I love her.

'96 Lottie: I think that she needs a bit more development, and I can see her becoming one of my favourites. Apart from my thoughts on her schizophrenia, I think that with a bit more characterization she can become almost perfect

'96 Vanessa: I love her. Again, I feel like she is mostly being portrayed as someone to do gruesome stuff too, and as a prop for Tai., but the crumbs of Characterization we get for her are awesome. I love the way that she took Lotties weird bone/good luck charm with her. Is shows that she's really sweet and a good person.

'96 Nat: Yes. Her. Yes. Also, she's definitely queer and no I do not take criticism. I think that, even though she's so broken, her and Travis have a really unique and great bond, even at their worst. I also LOVE her relationship with Wen (Don't worry, we're getting to him) She's probably my favourite of the girls.

Present day Nat: Unpopular opinion, but just eh. She's a very tragic character, and that's important for the story. I think that her grief, and her relapse, are very realistic. I can empathize with her, but she isn't very interesting and one of my favourites.

'96 Jackie: I hate her too. I think she's whiny, and doesn't pull her weight. And her insane amount of pouting is what got her killed. I understand that there was a whole arc about her not pulling her weight, but I don't think that ever got really resolved. She did the seance, but that definitely did more bad than good. I wish she wasn't dead, but she irritates me.

'96 Travis: I definitely think he had some of the best development out of all the kids. During the first couple of episodes, I was team eat Travis first and now I'm team eat him second or third. Still not my favourite, but I don't hate him.

'96 Shauna: I think that she's a bi-disaster and in love with Jackie, but honestly to me she seems a bit one-sided. I don't really have super strong thoughts on her

Present-day Shauna: The worst of the adults. Even if it turns out her husband is blackmailing her, she shouldn't have cheated, especially if she didn't know. She pretty much neglects her daughter and kept those journals even though it meant putting her team in jeopardy.

'96 Javi: I think that at the beginning, he had the potential to be interesting. Especially with the whole, dead dad/gum thing. But we haven't really heard from him in a while, so there isn't much to say.

'96 Tai: I like her a lot, I think that she is the one whose characterization as a child comes through the most as an adult. You can see her leadership come through and strengthen as the season go on, which obviously morphs into her becoming senator as an adult.

Present day Tai: Fine. Just fine. I think that her arc as an adult is quite interesting because most of her reach characterization came through in her marriage/parenting/politics stuff, and not in the mystery. But she's fine.

Ben: Oh my precious. Oh, my baby. This man can do no wrong. he could eat literally everyone else, including Nat and Van, and I would continue to give him cuddles and words of affirmation. My favourite character of all time, the reason I hate '96 Misty. If anyone does anything to him they are dead to me forever. That one scene where he's high on shrooms and screaming at the sky that he's gay. Goosebumps.

TL;DR

I'm a really fucked up person who just spent almost hours writing an essay on a show she isn't even done watching yet.

[reallyhardydraws]

earth-2182 AU

(the home dimension of x-men character nocturne (talia wagner) daughter of kurt wagner and wanda maximoff) but with particular emphasis on the nightcrawler x scarlet witch ship.

what’s actual canon in the marvel earth-2182 that i’m hanging onto:

kurt wagner & wanda maximoff are married and so besotted in love that their (adult!) daughter says ‘they’re like teenagers’. nightcrawler is an x-man, but the scarlet witch is a member of the avengers.

ok so AU time really just an expansion on that b/c there’s little to nothing else we know abt TJs parents in her universe... wanda meets kurt on a joint-team mission just after joining the avengers… she's 23 and he's 25 (so he's been an x-man for 5 years while she’s still v new to hero-ing) their teams get split up mid-crisis and they end up stranded together and it’s like omg crisis! actually we’re a really good team. actually you’re kinda hot??? etc, etc. i remember i read some random comic panels of them meeting and wanda impressing kurt b/c she speaks a bit of german and they’re really on the same wavelength and idk these little panels too give the hint that they’d just hit it off straight away y’know

afterwards kurt finds any reason to send her gifts or call her or show up at avengers tower - very flamboyant and dramatic. but anyway wanda is in a better place than in avengers movie etc. (and pietro is alive. the maximoff siblings are romani jewish and both alive.) anyway so wanda is doing okay and learning to be a hero, and then when that gets stressful there’s a guy who’s doing the absolute most just to see her smile. its all very charming and they get together. also it’s the 1980s.

more under the cut!

they date for about three years before they get engaged and then married very soon after. why wait! they’re in love (ages 27 and 29). scott summers officiates and cries about it, kitty pryde is kurt’s maid of honour, pietro maximoff is wanda’s best man. it’s the party of the year and the biggest x-men/avengers mixer ever lol.

kurt is your classic I LOVE MY WIFE guy, as we know he always chugs his respecting women juice. he’ll admit he’s a little terrified sometimes of the sheer power wanda has, but they’re so dedicated to each other its like katara getting aang out of the avatar state.

they continue to be on separate teams with separate bases as in earth-2182 canon but they do have their own place to spend time at together, luckily for wanda having a husband that can travel anywhere in the blink of an eye is extremely convenient.

kurt loses his eye 3 years later (ages 30 and 32) in a scuffle that i’m writing a fic abt the aftermath b/c i love angst and hurt/comfort lol and it shakes them up enough that they both decide to take time off from hero business.

during this time TJ is conceived!!! she is born (wanda 31, kurt 33) and wanda moves to xavier's so that they can get help with raising her and allowing her to grow up around other mutants, it’s the 1990s, kurt isn’t an active x-man but he is the school’s drama teacher. wanda really gets stuck into motherhood and realises it’s everything she’s ever wanted, literally Best Mother, sings the most beautiful lullabies, gets really into sewing and sews tons of matching outfits for herself and TJ.

later wanda rejoins the avengers and after about a decade kurt takes over leadership of the x-men and things continue from there. TJ trains to be an x-man and also sings in a riot grrl band. she’s a big time music lover b/c she inherited her father’s flair for the dramatic. she’s got main character curse a lil bit tho lol so during a x-mission she gets universally displaced (as in comics canon somwewhere idk i’m not fixated enough on it)

so TJ disappears in about 2015 at age 20, making wanda 51 and kurt 53.

and then there’s my whole mental disney movie about TJ trying to return home lol, probably it DOES put a bit of a strain on kurt & wanda’s unshakeable marriage because it’s understandably traumatic for your child to go missing no matter what age they are, and ofc TJ is having her interdimensional situation but i’m not imagining it playing out like in the comics too much because in my mind it’s all culminating in [this] because we love a happy ending. she deserves to make it home.

(TBH the most AU thing about this whole thing is just that kurt wagner NEEDS to be sexy and canon old man nightcrawler in in canon earth-2182 is like... not sexy, sorry. but the eyepatch is a vibe!!! so much of a vibe i’ve noticed it in the latest x-men gold(?) run, we love pirate vibes kurt)

[dreamteamspace]

MCYT subway au Part 3 because I’m a sucker for attention and the 2 ppl who made part 1 and 2 noticed me

Holiday Shift

- Everybody who works on the holiday gets double. Those that can’t work have to put their name on a list. Lowest entries and those that don’t enter need to work the shift. It’s Phil’s idea don’t ask

- George is the first to put his name there but Sapnap skribbles it out and makes sure everybody else gets their name in first. It’s his punishment for leaving Dream and him alone for rush hour when Karl was sick. Dream wasn’t all that mad but Sapnap Will Not let that shit slide

- Tommy gladly takes the oppertunity to not have to spend the entire day awkwardly hugging relatives and being told to keep their elbows off the table. Convinces Tubbo to join them, supposedly for the Money

- Dream: “So Karl did you put your name on the list yet?” Karl: “What list??”

- Shift staffing: George, Tubbo, Tommy and Karl

- George becomes the reluctant babysitter of what feels like three kids

- “Karl stop WASTING the bread we NEED THAT.”

- Tommy is told to go pull what they need for monday out of the freezer. Tubbo offers to come with him and holds his hand the entire time. They’re best friends your honor. Tommy promises Tubbo to make it up to him

- George does about 60% of the work on a four person shift. Swears to murder Sapnap on sight. Probably slaps a pastry in his face later

Promotion pt. 4: Taking Over

- Tommy begs Techno to join in support of Wilbur. Techno reluctantly agrees because he can’t really say no to Tommy and because he doesn’t really want to become manager anyway (too much paperwork and he’s fixating on the origins of vedgetables) 

- Tommy now adds #WilburForManager to his pogway stickers. Wilbur is also reluctantly Growing Soft in face of Tommy’s undying support

- Nobody knows why, but Quackity has the unspoken ability to make Schlatt give him sick leave or remove him from shift?? All Quackity has to do is point to his phone and give Schlatt a smug Look.

- Ppl are suspicious but really Quackity just has a video of Schlatt kissing a baby kitten in the face and talking to it in a high pitched soft voice

- Wilbur needs to visit extended family and leaves for 2 weeks. The day before he leaves is surprisingly light-hearted and Wilbur admits that Schlatt isn’t the worst manager imaginable. He lets them waste things sometimes and has yet to give anybody a cut for not showing up to a shift

- Dream can’t openly go against Schlatt, silently wishing he’d just put the milk in The Right Spot before his shift. But no. It never is. It’s always somewhere else. Always.

- Schlatt continues to place things in slightly different places than they belong and following his whim more than the rules. One time he didn’t order the dark chocolate cakes they sell because “Who likes those anyway”

- Phil is there more often to make sure Wilbur’s work is covered. The war continues to rage in stolen glares and misplaced ingredients.

- Bad and Skeppy are slowly genuinely growing concerned, watching the whole thing go down like a movie.

Promotion pt. 5: Adopted On Sight

- Schlatt tells Tubbo he’s doing great One Time because he literally saved Schlatt’s ass from being fired for the whole cakes thing by biking it to the nearest store that sells them and getting some

- Tubbo will now follow Schlatt around to ask him how he’s doing, if he did everything right, if he needs any help, how his morning went so far

- Schlatt does Not Know how to handle Tubbo and suddenly wishes for Wilbur to just Come Back and Take His Kid. Tubbo wishes him a good morning and good night every single day. How is he supposed to keep up his tough old man appearance like this

- Tommy is still on Wilbur’s side and purposefully makes Schlatt’s life just a little more difficult. Small pranks. Stickers on the cakes, wasting them. Writing #TommySupremacy on the sandwhich wraps with markers while nobody is looking. Taking 4 chairs to the back to stack them on top of eachother and stand on them to reach the ceiling. Being the teenager he is.

- Tubbo think it’s funny and that’s the main thing keeping him going really

- Schlatt confronts Tommy but with no results. He turns to Phil to ask him what to do and Phil is like, you don’t do anything. That’s just Tommy for you. Usually Wilbur keeps him occupied with the Dreamon hunting and now he has too much free time

- Quackity is using the blackmail more and more. Does he even work here anymore? When was the last time anybody saw him apart from looting the expired sodas? He’s the only one who can order avocados on a spanish site online that don’t cost their weight in gold

- But as it tends to be with good friends, Schlatt knows the amount of blackmail he has is enough to fill everybody’s need for drama here for the rest of the year. Also he can’t say no to Quackity

- Fundy recieves yet another apology card from Wilbur from Ireland, a whole postcard with a picture attached and a little doodle of a fox. He finally caves and forgives him, now refusing to do Schlatt’s work anymore.

- Dream is Popping Off. Nobody can stop him from working once he starts. He’s 2 months ahead on Literally Everything. Somebody help him

Promotion pt. 6: The Finale I promise

- Wilbur returns! Schlatt is THIS close to throwing in the towel

- Tubbo says he wants another sleepover, wanting to de-escalate the whole manager war. Tommy has to stay true to his promise in the freezer and they convince Wilbur together. Techno was on board before they even asked

- Unbeknowedst to them, the Dream Team + Karl wanted to stay in that night as well to sabotage Schlatt

- Both groups stare at eachother in confusion at first

-They combine their resources to figure out a way to sabotage Schlatt. Dream is growing increasingly quiet and unsure while Tommy stares at The Adults with dissapointment. Tubbo tries to get a word in about how Schlatt isn’t That Bad but they all yell over him. “The milk, Tubbo! Why can’t he put the milk back like a normal person!”

- Eventually Tommy pulls out his bravery and tells everyone to Shut Up

- Everyone stares at eachother

-Tommy: “How come you guys yelling over bullying somebody out of their work sounds less mature than when my literal nephews are screaming at eachother over 10 year old pokemon cards??“

- The adults stare at eachother even harder

- Dream shyly clears his throat. “From an outsider perspective, you know, uh, I should probably be fired for plotting against a fellow manager-“

- Wilbur finally finds his tongue. “Maybe this wasn’t the most... mature idea.”

- Everybody carefully agrees to apologize to schlatt and never speak of this again. Tommy has unknowingly gotten a lot more pranking rights

- They spend the rest of the night organizing the storage, hunting Dreamon, Dream telling them about that one time he ate a living frog, and taking turns playing some free racing game on Karl’s switch

- Lots of laughter, return to their shifts the next day

- They wait for Schlatt to come in to work and pull him to the back. Only Bad and Skeppy are already allowed inside while they keep the doors locked for anybody else

- Dream issues a formal apology to him and tells him everything, and Wilbur jockingly mentions they were really close to pouring food coloring into his rubber gloves as they try to laugh it off

- Schlatt stares at them

- “You know what? I quit. I don’t want to be the manager anymore. I feel like the dad of lord knows how many kids. Phil is some kind of angel. Wilbur please adopt Tubbo and Tommy again, as long as our store isn’t on fire I’m never going to complain about them ever again. Dream you might wanna phone Quackity.”

Insiders

- After a good, short era of peace within the establishment, the Drama Bois are getting bored and latching onto new things

- The bets on whether Skeppy and Bad are a couple or not are getting ever higher, especially as they’ve started letting them behind the counter. They figured out pretty quickly that they’re officially not together, but that just makes the betting all the more exciting. Do they like eachother? Are they hiding it? Are they just really good friends? Are they THAT oblivious or just really good at covering it up??

- Bad especially becomes good friends with Dream, George and Sapnap, and yet they’re all just as split as everyone else on whether he likes Skeppy or not

- Bad pretends to be but is in fact not oblivious to this at all

- Dream especially will often tell them they’re being VERY close to eachother or how cute they are next to eachother, revelling in teasing his friend, especially as Bad will sometimes start to get flustered while Skeppy manages to somehow stay 100% cool

- One day when a middle aged white woman is extremely unhappy with her order she starts talking down on George about being uneducated, and too clumsy for being useful at all, and how they should fire him. George asks her if he should just get the manager and she gladly agrees, only for Dream to swoop out of a back room, a good head taller than her, and sternly tell her if she can’t treat employees like human beings then he will ban her from the establishment immedietly. The woman stutters, takes her order and leaves, cursing something as she goes.

- Bad and Skeppy were sitting at a table nearby quietly the entire time, and Bad has this a-little-too-wide smile on his face.

- Dream murmurs something about having to go, but the seeds are planted. The idea has bloomed. Bad is ready to get his teasing revenge.

- Just as they’re closing, George puts away the milk that Dream left on the counter, telling Dream that he’s putting it away. Bad: “Wow George, that’s so thoughtful of you!” George: “???”

- Dream, softly telling George he can go home earlier and he’ll take the rest of the shift so George can catch up on sleep: “It’s okay, just go. I’ve got this.”

- Bad, just as George left, slurping his milkshake innocently while Wilbur and Sapnap are in earshot: “Awww, Dream! That was SO nice of you!”

- Dream, knowing exactly what this is for: “I’m just... nice to my friends!“

- Bad: “Really?! How many times do you let Sapnap go home earlier?” Sapnap: “You let George go earlier AGAIN?” Wilbur, having waited his entire life for someone to finally notice this: “George is getting so much favored treatment, Dream. But you’re really just good friends, right?“

- If looks could kill they’d all be dead at that point. Especially Bad, who continues slurping his milkshake as the chaos unfolds and Dream knows there’s no escape

@labbyyyyy @karlljacobs

[ukiyoexo]

THE PERFECT ONE. — kjm

PAIRINGS — exo, kim junmyeon x reader

GENRES — best friends to lovers, fluff fluff fluff, slight angst

SYNOPSIS — after a ruined date, your best friend decides that you deserve to be treated in the form of a perfect night that leaves your heart warm and your feelings out in the open.

WARNINGS — swearing and sweetness

MESSAGE — hi, @amyeonzing i’m emma, your exol secret santa and this is my (hopefully not too shitty) gift for you. i really enjoyed the time i spent getting to know you and i must say that i think you’re pretty freaking cool!! thanks for putting with my somewhat sporadic asks, i hope this makes up for it

also thanks to mel and lolo for setting up the @exolssecretsanta, it really was fun and definitely worth it!

WORD COUNT — 2.2k+

"i hate guys." you let out in a huff, flopping your body into your best friend's bed, "i hate guys, i hate men, i hate boys, i hate those weird humans with the dicks hanging off their body. i hate them all." you repeat again more descriptively this time, the frustration growing in your chest as you continue your somewhat dramatic announcement. your hands gripping the duvet cover as your head buries into the pillow. the only sense of calm you gain being from the smell of cologne that lingers on junmyeon's sheets.

you don't hear or see him get up, but he does with a small chuckle, pushing away from the desk he was sat in front of at the other side of the bedroom and walking over to the bed calmly. he hovers over the side of the bed your laying on before deciding to crouch down next to you, one hand gently pushing on your arm in hopes of encouraging you to unbury your face. it takes a little convincing — it always does — but you do give in eventually, letting yourself be rolled over, your arms in reponse only folding over your chest as a pout forms on your lips.

"so you were saying," junmyeon nudges you to make room for him on the bed, "men equal bad?" he sits down once you shuffle over, doing his best to hide the small smile that is prying at his lips "men equal very bad." you nod in agreement, the stern look remaining on your face as junmyeon nods. “and why is that this time?”

you shake your head at his question, not really wanting to answer. if you were being honest, you found the truth quite embarrassing, even if you shouldn’t do, you just couldn’t help it. but then again, it was junmyeon you were talking. the man you had known since you were old enough to walk, the man you spent your childhood with, experiencing the epic highs and lows of being a teenager and now an adult. it being junmyeon made you feel a bit better at least and was only reason you were willing to admit the cause of your upset.

“i got stood up.” your face twists, eyes tracing the dappled texture painted on junmyeon’s bedroom ceiling. “i was supposed to go on a date last night with this guy i met through a friend and he fucking stood me up.”

junmyeon shifts onto his side, elbow bent to prop up his head, “oh,” he hums, face morphing into a sympathetic expression, eyes saddened. his hand moves to rest on your shoulder, rubbing soothing circles, “hey,” he begins gently, “there’s no point getting upset over this guy. if he couldn’t be bothered to show up to a date with someone as amazing as you, he’s not worth any of your time or thought in the first place.”

“ugh,” this was the exact reason everyone came to junmyeon for advice and you hated it, mostly because he was always right. you were letting some stupid guy, who you hadn’t even properly met, dictate your feelings and however much you didn’t want to admit it, it was stupid.

“ok.” you nod, lettting a small smile pry at your lips. “who cares about him, right?” you sit up promptly and junmyeon mimics the action. “right!” he cheers on with you but the joy is short lived. “it does still kinda suck though.” your body seems to deflate as the words pass your lips, shoulders caving in on themselves.

it sucked a whole lot in fact. not even because you cared that much about the guy, just the feeling that someone would rather leave you hanging than text to cancel.

junmyeon remains silent for a while before shifting off the bed, making his way around to the other side before grabbing your hands and pulling you up to. “y/n,” he begins softly, “forget him, yeah?” he nods encouragingly and you mirror the action reluctantly, gaze flickering away. “i’ve got a plan and it requires you to not be grumpy.”

your head seems to perk up at his statement, a plan?

your head tilts and it’s enough indication for junmyeon to begin explaining, “go on a date with me instead, a make up for last night.” he offers sweetly, hands clutching yours, and you swear you feel your heart beat fasten. “a date?” you question and he nods again, “a date.” he smiles back, “i’ll make it as perfect as possible and by the end of it, you will have forgotten that prick even exists.”

it hadn’t taken much convincing after that for you to agree, junmyeon was just a friend after all, and what’s weird about going out with a friend?

he had instructed soon after for you to go home and get changed, planning to pick you at seven for the beginning of your date. you had done so promptly, changing into your favourite ‘casual date’ outfit - whatever that meant - before fixing your hair and putting on a light layer of makeup.

and thankfully, unlike last night, when the planned time rolled around, junmyeon showed up too, a bouquet of flowers clutched in his hand that had your cheeks heating. his only reasoning being that you “deserved to know what a proper date was like.”

just a friend, just a friend, just a friend.

you have to remind yourself as he begins to drive after guiding you to his car, taking a deep breath as you scan the road signs you pass, hoping for any clue of where junmyeon might be taking you. the further you journeyed however, the more lost you became, city buildings morphing into fields upon fields. the car drive turning into what felt like more of an adventure as the minutes ticked on. “if you’re going to kill me, at least give me some warning.” you let out in a chuckle and junmyeon laughs back, his hand moving from the steering wheel onto your thigh. the feeling of his skin on yours leaving goosebumps prickling on your leg, “no murder happening here.” he squeezes his hand and just as quickly, it’s back on the wheel.

it’s weird, the feeling that bubbles in your stomach, almost like butterflies. but no, that was stupid. junmyeon was your best friend of course and that was it. even if he seemed to be the one you thought about most.

few words are shared after that, a quiet melody playing through the car from one of your playlists. your head resting against the window. you don’t even notice at first when the car rolls to a stop, junmyeon getting out first and promptly making his way over to your side of the car. the small giggle that passes your lips when he pulls open your door and holds out a hand leaving a rosy shade on his cheeks. he then retrieves the small weaved basket he had tucked in the car boot - the stereotypical picnic type - before gripping your hand once again, leading you down a small path.

it’s a small wooded area, up a slight slope, away from the concrete buildings and pollution. the moonlight weaves its way between the branches and leaves, leaving specs of silver dancing on the ground. rays highlighting the small blue flowers that sit in bundles in the foliage. it’s pretty. in fact more than that, it’s almost ethereal.

the world around you seems to glow, nature left to create its own bubble of serenity. the peace of the night only disturbed by the sound of your footsteps.

it’s a calm, however, that seems starkly contrastinf to the hammering in your chest every time you feel junmyeon’s thumb rub against the back of your palm. sure, you and junmyeon had held hands before, you had even cuddled and shared the same bed, you were best friends after all. it’s just that this felt different. felt special. it felt like something more.

you walk for only a couple minutes before reaching a clearing. it’s on the edge of the hill, surrounded by trees and seemingly secluded from the rest of the world. the only evidence of human life being the glowing lights of the city from what seems be miles away.

he lays out a blanket and places down the basket, opening it to pull out a collection of some of your favourite foods. god, he knew you well.

“how do you know about this place?” your head tilts, eyes scanning junmyeon’s features as you settle onto the picnic blanket. every soft curve of his face almost iridescent in the white glow of the moon and stars. “i just like to come here sometimes.” he responds rather simply, gaze fixated ahead. “when i want to clear my head, or need to be alone.” he continues, voice edging further into a whisper with each word.

“it’s nice.” you hum back, a small smile perched on your lips. “perfect in fact.” junmyeon gains a smile at that too. “i’m glad.”

you remain silent for a while after that, letting yourself enjoy the food and the comfort each other’s presences provided. you weren’t lying when you said it was perfect, it really was.

no one had ever done something like this for you, and you doubted anyone ever would again. it almost seemed too perfect, and somehow almost painful at the same time. to know that this was just a fake date per say and not the real thing left you with a bitter feeling in the pit of your stomach that you couldn’t seem to get rid. but you couldn’t say anything, after all, junmyeon was just a friend.

“you didn’t have to do this, you know?” you whisper after another moment, “but i wanted to.” he responds quickly but gently back. a response that leaves a warm, fuzzy feeling growing in your chest that you can’t stop no matter how hard you try. “i know, but it’s just sad as well i guess.”

your words catch the man off guard, his head twisting in your direction, eyebrows quirked up slightly. “well it’s not real, is it?”

a silence settles once again. a quiet that’s more stiff than serene. leaving your hands sweaty and throat dry. you shouldn’t have said anything, you knew that, but you and junmyeon had always promised to tell each other the truth and that was what it was. the truth. this date wasn’t real. and that was the truth no matter how much you didn’t like it.

“i—” your best friend begins but doesn’t finish, instead shifting in his spot on the checkered fabric. “i guess.” his thumb fiddles with the ring resting on one of his fingers, “unless you want it to be.” he then mumbles, so close to a whisper that he’s not even sure you heard him, but you do. of course you do.

“do you want it to be?” you whisper out your own question in response, junmyeon letting it linger in the air before slowly nodding. his movements small but sure. “i want it to be real, if you want it be real.”

junmyeon admits and you feel yourself seemingly freeze in the moment. the truth bubbling in your throat ready to be blurted out. you couldn’t lie, you knew that, but admitting it was quite frankly scary as fuck.

“i want this to be real, i want something between us too.”

maybe you blurted out too much.

you can feel your cheeks heating with embarrassment, heart thudding so hard you’re sure it could break out of your chest at any moment.

but then he laughs, a small chuckle, a chuckle of disbelief.

it seems out of character for the junmyeon you knew but then he’s threading his fingers with yours and leaning so closely towards you that you’re not sure if anything is as you really know it. “me too.” he lets a smile pry at the corner of his mouth, face inches away from yours as his gaze flickers onto your lips. your gaze however focusing on his eyes. the way they seem to store a thousand stars and hundreds of joyf memories. the small flecs of gold running through the brown that somehow glow even at night.

“can i kiss you?” junmyeon hums and a breath catches in your throat but your head nods promptly nonetheless. the feeling of his lips against yours akin to the feeling of electricity, jolting through every nerve in your body, leaving every hair stood tall. his lips soft and so so gentle, yet somehow still emitting fireworks when you meet with them.

fuck. he was a perfect kisser too.

you pull back reluctantly, the need for air suddenly an inconvenience. you want to kiss him again, feel the electricity bolting through you once more, but instead you can’t stop this big grin taking over your features. “what?” junmyeon lets out in a breathy laugh, “nothing.” you shake your head back, letting your heart swell even more.

you copy junmyeon’s actions when he lies back on the blanket, eyes scanning the star lit sky. and you let him pull you close when he wraps an arm around your shoulder confidently.

“so, do you still hate men?” junmyeon’s head tilts with an almost cheeky grin, fingers playing with yours. you let out a breathy chuckle before shaking your head softly, “you’re an exception. the perfect one at that.”

[lassieposting]

I'm mad at myself for asking this but 💘 skug/alt!Serpine

WHEEZES

U CONVERTED

send me 💘 + A SHIP and i’ll tell you—

where they first met and how

KOTW.

Then, after Skug refuses to kill Serpine at the end of SOW, China spitefully makes him responsible for Serpine's behaviour while he's living in Roarhaven. "Parole officer" isn't part of Skug's job description but honestly he doesn't trust anyone else to make sure Serpine doesn't slip the leash, so

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved

I mean, Serpine literally gets his dick out in their very first scene together, and he throws his towel over Val's head so it clearly wasn't for her benefit.

My headcanon is that he did have the hots for his own dimension's Skulduggery before he died. But Serpine has a very warped experience of emotions - he's not insane, and he's not a complete psychopath, but he has very low empathy, an obsessive personality, a considerable sadistic streak and a tendency to be jealous, narcissistic and manipulative. So his crush on Skug was more like an unhealthy fixation - hatred and lust and humiliation and the need to control, all tangled together.

On Skug's side...he has a few lines that read as flirty, in a D/S kind of way. But honestly I don't think this was deliberate. I get the impression he's actually imitating how Serpine spoke to him when he was the prisoner. Serpine's entire arc in SOW can be condensed down to "microdosing on what he put Skug through before killing him". He's surrounded by enemies who want him dead, he loses a body part, he's beaten up, he's humiliated, he's cut off from his magic - and he hates it. I get the vibe that this isn't lost on Skug, and he's repeating things Serpine once mockingly said to him just to rub it in.

who fell for who first ( if applicable )

Serpine.

I have him converting to the Church of the Faceless as a teenager, so he's spent his entire adult life surrounded by other selfish, scheming social climbers who'd sell him to Satan for a corn chip. His relationship history is chock full of psychopaths. He's used to betrayal and being used by his partners - such is life, as a bad guy.

So Skug protecting him during the Leibniz mission makes quite an impact. He even says himself that Skug has every reason to hate him and want to make him suffer - which is an attempt at empathy considerably deeper than anything we've seen from him before - but he's still shocked and devastated when Skug cuts his hand off. He genuinely expected Skug to decide to fight their way out rather than harm him. To me, that says he's come to rely on having Skug in his corner, which is a security net he is decidedly not used to having.

He doesn't necessarily express it very well? His feelings are complicated, and he doesn't understand most of them. A good part of him still hates Skug, just as a good part of Skug will always hate him. But his fixation on Skug shifts a bit - rather than obsessing over him as an enemy, he obsesses over him as an ally. He starts wanting Skug's approval and digging for praise, he gets sulky and jealous if Skug implies he doesn't trust him or goes to someone else for help or information instead, and he starts trying to insert himself into Skug's life.

Basically, he's gotten over that he spent the past 300 years as Skug's enemy, so Skug needs to be over it too. Right now. And it's unreasonable and unfair that he isn't over it.

where their first date was and what it was like

Skug is willing to acknowledge that if they were a couple, which they're not, because they're arch enemies, then maybe, if you really had to look at anything they do as "a date" then...perhaps the first time they went to the opera could in some way be considered their first date. But it wasn't. Because they're not together. He doesn't even like Serpine. Valkyrie just doesn't appreciate "yowling" and he had nobody else to go with because all his friends are dead.

Serpine will agree with this - but only because he knows that announcing that he lowkey considers their three day torture extravaganza to be their first date would go down like a lead balloon.

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )

They never have a "going steady" discussion. It's just

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away

They're adamant that there's nothing to let anyone know about. They spend a lot of time together, and sometimes Serpine helps with cases, and they angry fuck sometimes, and Skug keeps a few shirts and a toothbrush at Serpine's apartment, but they're not a couple.

who’s more dominant

Skug. Serpine will die mad about it. He complains constantly about how much he gets manhandled during the Leibniz mission, how undignified it is to be cut off from his magic, how everyone tells him to shut up every time he tries to join in a conversation, he hates you all, remember that time he killed people you all cared about?

Unfortunately, Serpine is a massively subby bottom, so dom!Skug makes him deeply horny and even more angry about it. He's the epitome of "Stop looking at my fucking boner when we fight."

where their first kiss was and what it was like

It's New Year's. Serpine is out at a bar with some of his student neighbours because, why not. Skug is at the same bar, questioning the staff about a grizzly murder. The usual. Serpine goes over to say hello and make fun of him for Always Working and tell him he should chill out on occasion because isn't it your fucking birthday and you're still at work??? They're still talking when the countdown finishes and everyone around them starts kissing, which is a completely new concept to Serpine because that tradition wasn't part of the Leibniz dimension's New Year's festivities, so he just sort of panics because everyone else is doing it, grabs Skug by the front of his coat and goes for it.

Skug freezes, because who would know how to react when the man who killed you once tries to go to town on your fake face, and then gets his shit together and promptly arrests Serpine for assaulting a Sanctuary official, because he's petty and he can and Nef needs to learn some fucking boundaries.

They end up lowkey working on the case together through the bars of the temporary holding cell, and although neither of them would admit it, they actually have a good time. At the end of the night Skug relents, lets him out for "good behaviour" and gives him a lift home.

how into pda they are

Serpine is hugely into PDA. He likes a possessive, jealous partner, he's got a bit of an exhibitionistic streak, and ultimately he wants to be wanted enough to be fought over.

Unfortunately for him, Skug is not a PDA fan in the slightest. Serpine finds this bitterly disappointing.

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )

A Roarhaven restaurant with a live jazz band. Serpine likes the food, Skug likes the music, and it's public - so neither of them feels wrongfooted and vulnerable in the other one's territory. Although, as Serpine likes to point out, it would be a bit difficult to torture and dismember a man in his student accommodation apartment. If he can hear Maddie-across-the-hall having muffled sex with her latest beau from the far side of his flat , he's pretty sure the entire building would hear Skug fighting his way out of whatever diabolical trap he seems to think has been set for him every time he comes over.

who’s more protective

Skug is more obviously protective - he protects Serpine almost the entire time in Leibniz, rows with China in defence of his freedom, and (however reluctantly) steps up to help him settle in Roarhaven. But Serpine is territorial, and he can be surprisingly proactive about it. If Skug comes home injured, he can always tell - no matter how much he tries to hide it - because he's seen Skug at his very worst, he knows what 'trying to mask pain' looks like in the set of that jaw and the grit in that voice. He doesn't like anyone else playing with his toys, so sometimes he'll get very angry and lash out at whoever damaged Skug in the first place.

(He also tends to hover at the clinic like a particularly irritating bad smell. He insists it's because he just finds Skug's pain amusing. He's not concerned. Not in the slightest. He doesn't care at all. No, he will not go home.)

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )

They first hook up a few months after returning from Leibniz, but it's a half-dressed up-against-a-wall sort of thing and neither of them sticks around for pillow talk. They don't actually share a bed - as in, fall asleep together - until at least a year later. Technically, the first time they fall asleep together, they're on a stakeout and Serpine dozes off on Skug's shoulder, then wakes up with a cricked neck.

if they argue about anything

Literally everything, 90% of their interactions are arguing. Bickering and snark is the only way they know how to communicate.

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. )

Serpine loves leaving marks and doesn't mind getting them, either. He's territorial and has an exhibitionist streak, so he likes everyone knowing who he belongs to, and he's deeply thirsty over the idea of everyone knowing Skug belongs to him.

Unfortunately, Skug is not easy to leave marks on. Any hickies he gives the facade will disappear as soon as Skug turns it off. Some of his scars still show, though - the ones that scored his bones - so at least there's that.

who steals whose clothes and how often

They're not too different in size, so they could probably both get away with it, but everything Skug owns was tailored for him and Nef is narrower in the shoulders, so Skug's shirts don't look quite right on him. That doesn't stop him borrowing a couple to wear around the house, though. He has no stored wealth in this dimension, so he's wearing off the rack until he can get his feet under him again, and Skug's shirts are all obnoxiously fine fabric. It would be silly not to steal a few.

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? )

They're not that cuddly. They do have occasional moments of softness, but it's more likely to be, like. A shoulder bump. Fixing each other's shirt collar. Tending an injury with a minimum of mockery. They do a fair bit of this when no one's watching, though.

what their favourite nonsexual activity is

Bickering.

They also both like working cases. The Sanctuary won't officially hire Serpine because he is who he is, but when Skug hits a dead end in a case or has something that's really frustrating him, they'll go over it together. 400 years of enmity aside, their minds work in similar ways, and they're both very good at that sort of thing - if they hadn't met on opposite sides of the battlefield, they probably would have gotten along very well.

how long they stay mad at each other

They've never actually not been mad at each other. They're just all each other has left because all their friends are dead.

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

Initially, both black - maximum stimulants for Skug, maximum edginess for Serpine. But then he discovers Starbucks, and all the fancy things mortals are doing with coffee these days, and starts branching out into what Skug calls "frilly froufrou nonsense". After that his drinks are like 95% sugar and syrup.

if they ever split up and / or get back together

They never officially split up. This is mostly because neither of them will admit being together in the first place. They absolutely go through phases of being far more enemies than fuckbuddies, and they know how to push each other's buttons and hurt each other like no one else. This ship is comedic and incredibly toxic in turns.

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )

They don't live together. Serpine has no idea where Skug lives, and Skug wants to keep it that way. Serpine's flat is technically student accommodation - he just needed somewhere the landlord was too young to remember him from the war - so when Skug crashes there it's usually cramped and noisy and there's a revolving door of neighbours knocking on to ask to borrow some milk/loo roll/"hey, you're old, help me with my history thesis?"/"Are you coming out tonight?"

All Serpine's neighbours think he's a sex worker - to them, he seems to have a different well-dressed sugar daddy staying over every week. They keep trying to set him up an OnlyFans. Skug finds all this very amusing.

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like

Christmas was banned in Leibniz (as a religious holiday of a banned religion) so Nef hasn't celebrated since he converted in his teens, but he gets into it, because it's an excuse for a party and nobody is policing him. Skug is his usual grinchy grouchy self. Nef also celebrates several holidays that Skug isn't familiar with that were commonplace in Leibniz, but are only observed by strict Faceless worshippers in Roarhaven.

what their names are in each other’s phones

Skug is an old man about his contacts, so Nef is just "Nefarian Serpine".

Serpine, on the other hand, has recently discovered emojis, so Skug is "💀🍆".

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

Who falls asleep first varies; Serpine is a night owl and likes to go to bed in the early hours of the morning, but Skug has some really fucked up working hours, so a lot of the time he's awake long after even the night owls have gone to bed. But it's always Skug who wakes up first - Serpine is Absolutely Not a morning person. He fits right in with the students in his building who have to be coaxed from under the quilt by the smell of frying bacon.

Skug, because he enjoys the odd opportunity to be an asshole, will sometimes wake him with a cup of coffee, and sometimes by holding a flame up to the fire alarm. Variety is the spice of life, Nefarian, didn't anyone ever tell you that?

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

Cuddling is fairly new to Serpine. He's always enjoyed sex, but he has a solid tendency to jump into bed with the enemy - as shown by his laundry list of Resistance conquests - so he's never really gone for relationships where cuddling is a thing. He's more into the "forbidden passion" sort of dynamic.

Skug is a cuddler, but not so much in this particular relationship, for obvious and understandable reasons. Serpine does figure out though that he can burrow under Skug's arm while he's half-asleep or in a postcoital fugue state and Skug will just sort of let him, so he's probably the little spoon.

who hogs the bathroom

Both of them.

Serpine lives in a tiny one bed flat in a student building. His bathroom is miniscule. And when Skug stays over, they're both crammed in there first thing, Serpine trying to shave and do his hair and Skug elbowing him out of the way to cycle through facades until he finds one that's handsome enough to leave the house in. They bicker horrendously the entire time. It's a logistical nightmare.

who kills the spiders / takes them outside

Nef kills them. Not because he knows Skug's not a fan, but because he's not allowed to torment humans anymore, so. Last time he checked, killing spiders wasn't an arrestable offence, Skulduggery, stop looking at him like that.

[slytherinsnekxvii]

let's talk about lily evans. she's an interesting character—or rather, the case surrounding her character is quite interesting.

i honestly don't know if i can say i dislike her. by all means, she should be a fan favourite, and she is... but for some rather intriguing reasons.

for one thing, due to the fact she's hardly expanded on in the series, certain parts of the fandom have been forced to either take the few qualities that she displays canonically and amplify them to the extreme (eg. immediate righteous anger at the slightest hint of injustice in fic) or create an entirely new personality (eg. no, i didn't actually disapprove of your pranks, it was just sexual tension). of course, the option of creating a new personality is much more tempting when you can just add amplified canon traits on the side.

for another, her relationship with james sometimes seems likes it's being weaponized against snape and his fans. i've seen arguments that go like "haha, snape just wanted to fuck lily, but james got her in the end anyway, sucks to be you", and not only does it entirely reduce her to an object, it feels like they don't even care about the relationship, the dynamics or the characters. she's basically a plot device.

and thirdly, half of her characterisation in fic is to be a peter stand-in. we don't like the rat man, so let's take the pretty girl and put her in place of the guy who was canonically a member of the marauders, even up until he was named secret keeper. suddenly, she's a prankster and an enabler.

but, snek, you may say, all of that is fanon lily, tho. you just explained that people seem to like her because they just put any personality they want into her as long as she's at least vaguely a good person. you would be right.

let's look at canon lily. she's described as the brightest witch of her age, most everyone speaks favourably of her. in fact, the only people we see actively disliking/being upset with her are petunia, out of jealousy and the invasion of privacy concerning her letter, severus, who lashed out and used a slur that also applied to him in a moment of serious distress and apologised after, and well, pureblood supremacists by virtue of her being muggleborn. interestingly enough, even this dislike manages to develop everyone's character more than it does her own.

as a teenage girl myself, let's look at her actions as a teenage girl. not necessarily in chronological order because I'm writing this at 2am and my memory is already mediocre at best.

1. she's done well enough in school to be considered trustworthy and responsible enough to be a prefect.

okay, i can respect that. a good few of the prefects at my school were really just appointed based on how much the teachers liked you, but at hogwarts, there's so few of them that they must put at least a little effort into it, so i'll move on.

2. she does not press for details when informed that her best friend's life needed to be saved by someone who has been publicly tormenting him for years

now, see, there's no reason why she needs to play therapist. it's not her job, she's just a girl, and we know that snape wasn't supposed to talk about the incident, so he would've been stuck if she had asked for an explanation. however, i also feel like she doesn't seem particularly concerned about his wellbeing, and when he brings up his concerns about lupin, rather than ask for proof, she dismisses it. which, fair enough, i would hate to listen to someone talk about the same thing over and over and over, but, i also feel like the fixation on a theory like that would be cause for concern.

3. she dismisses the actions of a group known to play tricks that harm people and have specifically been tormenting her best friend on the basis that they don't use dark magic

first, i'm going to establish what i usually assume dark magic refers to. aside from jinxes, hexes and curses, i also include anything that produces an effect similar to any of the unforgivables (takes away your life, your free will or your ability to feel safe in your own body, such as when you're in excruciating pain), and magic that would require a sacrifice of some sort.

when snape tries to point out the danger in what the marauders do, she insists that they don't use dark magic. and they don't... but they do use illegal magic. she then argues against the company that snape keeps, which, again, to be fair, is justified considering mulciber's done something to mary macdonald... it's also not a particularly realistic ask. snape probably shares a dorm with these guys, and he's a poor half-blood so he's already on the outs. as far as he knows, any dissent will be met with him getting hexed in his sleep. but, i digress.

given that the marauders have been shown to be doing extremely dangerous with little regards to anyone's safety, and actively tormenting her best friend, i disagree with her choice here. on the other hand, she's made her own friends in gryffindor and perhaps she sees a nicer side of them that we don't get to. she's justified in her actions, but i still disagree.

4. she intervenes when her best friend is hung upside down by a spell of his own invention at the wands of the people who have tormenting him for years

she does object to the marauders' treatment of him, and she does try to get them to let him down. if i were in her position, i would absolutely do the same. i respect the decision to stand up for her friend.

5. she does not seriously attempt to help him or punish the marauders

i do not respect how she handled it. at any point, she could have drawn her wand. but, snek, you say, perhaps she didn't want to get involved physically. she wanted to follow the rules. in that case, at any point, she could taken points, assigned detention, or sent someone to get a member of staff. she does none of those things and i viscerally disagree. if we were ever friends and someone tried to hurt you, i can assure you that i would try to at least see to it that they'd be punished, even if it wasn't immediate or by my own hand. lily, however, chooses to argue rather than take action.

6. she smiles when severus gets hung upside down

chances are, it was more than likely an involuntary reaction, like laughing when your friend has fallen over. however, the fact that it was intentionally written in seems like it's mean to be an indicator that the friendship was already falling apart.

7. she comments on her best friend's poverty and uses a name that's been used to make fun of him after he calls her a slur that also applies to him

she was 100% within her rights to be upset by being called a slur. it is never okay to use slurs. the only situation in which a slur could possibly ever be appropriate would be if you were an oppressed group attempting to reclaim said slur which is not at all what snape was doing here. he was experiencing cruelty, being humiliated, publicly, for no reason beyond existing and he was in distress, choking on soap and upside down. it was damaging to his pride, especially when james suggests that he needs lily to fight his battles for him (paraphrasing) which is an emasculating statement to make, especially to a teenage boy. so, snape lashes out with the most hurtful word he could think of, which happened to be a slur that also applies to him. lily was 100% justified in being upset about this, and she retaliated in kind. she was very much allowed to say what she said. i understand that she was hurt and angry and i respect that, especially as i can't guarantee that i would not have been just as upset in that situation.

8. even when the threat of sexual harassment is made, she still does nothing

i get it, at this point, she's hurt, she's mad, she wants him to suffer since she's a teenage girl and teenage girls hold grudges like it's nobody's business, but... i definitely couldn't just stand by and watch it happen. she basically just let them go through with it.

9. she does not accept her best friend's apology for calling her a slur that also applies to him, effectively burying the friendship

she is, by no means, obligated to continue being friends with him. however, if i were in that position, and the apology was sincere, i would take the friend back.

10. she goes on to date and eventually marry the guy who bullied her former best friend for his entire school life

no. i disagree. but, snek, you say, james changed. no. he didn't. we know, that at this point, james was still going after snape behind lily's back. you can say that she didn't know, but that means that she would have allowed james to lie to her and that doesn't sit right with me bc a relationship built on lies is a relationship that is going to fall apart, especially when your partner has been disappointed by your actions before. you can say that she did know, and that proves that she simply didn't take her responsibilities as head girl seriously enough to stop the head boy from harassing people when she explicitly told him not to. the point is, no. there is no way that this would have worked out as a long term relationship. james is too comfortable lying to her. i can't even say she was justified. there is no circumstance where i personally see this as okay for anybody involved.

alright, so, essentially teenage lily was justified in (most of) her actions, even if i find them questionable.

adult lily dies at 21, while saving her son, but her death also helps save the wizarding world. good job. she, as expected, did what any good mother would.

and that's canon lily.

my thoughts: she's a perfect example of why writing tips are so adamant on making sure people try to show and not tell. we were told that lily is meant to be good and pure and lovely, but the author never bothered to actually prove that, so what we're left with a dissonance between what we see and what we know.

as a result, i still don't know if i truly dislike her. her actions are justified, but they don't match with what we've been told, and we don't have any other information to go off of. at best, i can say for certain that i disagree with many of her choices, despite understanding why she would have made them (except for marrying james potter, uggghh, the only good thing to come out of that was harry and the saving of the wizarding world by extension, ig).

thanks for reading all that, btw! hope it made sense :)

[goldenraeofsun]

life is just a classroom

A 6k addition to this verse with Teacher!Cas and Teacher!Dean

Jody has never seen her staff with their heads so far up their own asses. They get one reasonably attractive new hire, and everyone is acting more like gossiping, horny teenagers than sane, I-am-responsible-for-multiple-children, teachers. Luckily, Jody’s the principal and expert in wrangling children and adults of all maturity levels.

But this, as Bobby used to say, is too early for this shit.

It’s 7:00 am, and if Jody has to hear one more word about Castiel Novak and his brooding stare and baby blue eyes, she’s going to dump her coffee all over Daphne Allen’s head. It’s not like the Teachers Lounge hasn’t seen more than its fair share of spilled coffee. The brown-ish grey-ish carpet is more for utility than aesthetics, and is probably older than Jody herself.

“I’ve been trying to find out more about him, but he’s so reserved,” Daphne is saying. She sighs. “I’ve always been a sucker for the strong, silent types.”

Jody rolls her eyes and adds more sugar to her coffee.

“I think he mentioned he was actually a student here,” Kelly says, leaning in conspiratorially, “the same year as Dean.”

“No way,” Daphne breathes.

Jody dumps in more sugar.

“Has Dean mentioned anything about him? Is he single?”

For Christ’s sake. It’s the second day of school - Jody is very confident her teachers have better things to do than cross boundaries with new colleagues.

Daphne frowns. “No, he hasn’t. But Castiel definitely doesn’t wear a ring.”

Kelly rolls her eyes. “Would I even be talking about him if I thought he was married?”

Jody clears her throat, saying loudly, “Well, I’d better get back to work. Morning announcements will start soon.”

Both Kelly and Daphne jump guiltily.

Pleased, Jody strides out of the Teachers Lounge, nearly running into Donna. “Here,” she says, pressing the coffee into her hands. “I put too much sugar in it anyway.”

“Oh, hey, thanks Jody-o!” Donna beams.

Jody jerks her head towards Daphne and Kelly, heads ducked together and clearly already back to it. “Watch out for ‘em. They’ll get you sucked in gossiping about the new hire.”

“That Castiel?” Donna asks, her eyes lighting up. “He’s such an angel.”

“Not you too,” Jody grumbles as she stalks out. She has a school to run.

* * *

“Bonne journée, tout le monde.” Castiel waves his students out. “Etudiez bien pour le quiz la semaine prochaine! Si vous avez besoin d’aide, n'hésitez pas à venir me voir.”  

Daphne lets the juniors stream past her, steels herself, and knocks on the door.

“Oui?” he asks without looking up.

Daphne swallows nervously. “Castiel?”

Castiel straightens, and holy hell, those eyes are so blue. “Hello,” he says, “I’m sorry, I thought you were a student.”

“No worries at all,” Daphne says with tittering laugh. “I was just wondering if you wanted to get a drink?”

“A drink?” Castiel echoes.

“To celebrate the end of the first week?” Daphne adds. “Kelly, Aaron, and I have a little tradition.”

“I see,” Castiel says, sounding taken aback. He fiddles with the strap of his bag before slinging it over his shoulder.

As the seconds drag on without a response, Daphne frowns. Is he going to refuse? Daphne had told Kelly this was a stupid plan -

“Can I bring Dean?” he asks.

Daphne blinks. “Dean? Yes, of course,” she says, mentally recalibrating her assessment of Edlund High's newest Latin/French teacher. He and Dean must be closer than she had assumed from their interactions in the Language Office. Maybe Castiel is less the stoically reserved type and more the shy, socially awkward wallflower. Her heart melts, so she adds, “the more the merrier.”

“Wonderful,” Castiel says, smiling. “What time?”

“We were thinking of leaving in like an hour,” Daphne says, “but you can also meet us there - Fizzle’s Folly? It’s on Water Street.”

Castiel raises his eyebrows at the name.

Daphne giggles. “Garth’s wife - have you met Garth? He teaches Chem - owns it. There’s a whole story there, but I can tell you later, if you like.”

Castiel smiles. “I’d like that, thank you.” He hefts his shoulder bag higher. “I grew up here, but it’s been a number of years since I spent a long time in this school district. I don’t remember a Fizzle’s Folly.”

“It used to be called Fenris,” Daphne says as they walk out.

Castiel’s brow furrows. “Wasn’t that a biker bar?”

“Yup, that’s the one,” Daphne says, nodding to Krissy Chambers and her friend Josephine as they pass by. “It underwent a little bit of a makeover when Garth and Bess took over.”

“So no bikers?”

“Not unless you count Garth,” Daphne says, grinning, as she pushes open the door to the Language Office. “He owns a motorcycle, if you can believe - oh, hey, Dean.”

Dean glances up from his desk at Daphne’s acknowledgement. “Hey,” he says slowly, his eyes flicking from Castiel to Daphne and back again. “What’s up?”

“Daphne invited me out for drinks,” Castiel says as Dean’s eyebrows rise, “Would you like to come?”

Dean’s mouth purses. “Wouldn’t want to be an imposition.”

“I already asked,” Castiel says as Daphne nods once. 

And maybe in a week, once Daphne and Castiel know each other better, they can get drinks alone together. Or Kelly can get drinks alone with him. Daphne won’t fight Kelly for him, and Kelly won’t fight her. He’s not a piece of meat, as Kelly is all too fond of reminding if they go too far after too many margaritas. 

After a beat, Dean says in a funny voice, “Okay then.”

Daphne walks around the both of them to get to her desk. “Aaron’s going to be there, if that matters,” she says without looking up.

“Aaron?” Castiel asks curiously.

“History teacher,” Dean says at the same time that Daphne provides, “Dean’s ex.”

Dean pinches the bridge of his nose as Castiel turns to him.

“Not an ex,” Dean grumbles. “We had a thing. Briefly. Years ago. It was before-” he coughs, “anyway.”

“I see,” Castiel deadpans.

Daphne frowns, meeting Castiel’s gaze over Dean’s head. “We are a LGBTQ friendly school,” she says sharply. “Dean runs the Gay-Straight-Alliance. If you have any… issues with that, I’d recommend talking to Jody before we leave.”

Dean looks oddly touched. “Thanks, Daph.”

Castiel just shakes his head. “I’m not homophobic. Dean can attest to that.”

“He had a boyfriend in high school,” Dean says with a grin.

Daphne’s face heats up embarrassingly quickly. “Ah - good for you.”

It’s not the end of the world. He could be bi, like Dean.

* * *

Aaron’s glad Dean and Castiel are here, if just to steer the conversation away from all the boy talk. He always has a good time with Kelly and Daphne, but, damn, they can really fixate. Lately, all they’ve been focusing on is Castiel, which, Aaron can kind of get behind - even though, obviously, Dean is more his type.

Thankfully they’ve cooled it with Castiel actually in the room with them.

Poor dude looks in over his head by the time they’re all sipping their second round of drinks. That’s probably why, when Aaron offers to get refills and snacks, Castiel jumps up to assist, quick on his heels. 

Daphne and Kelly’s eyes follow Castiel’s ass to the bar. Sometimes they really are shameless.

“You doing okay?” Aaron asks after he’s flagged down the bartender. 

“Oh yes,” Castiel says, bobbing his head in a nod. “It’s just… I don’t get out often.”

“I know they can be a bit much,” Aaron says, jerking his head back at their table. “If you want them to cool it with the questions, just say so.”

“I don’t mind.”

Aaron makes a face but doesn’t comment further. It’s Castiel’s funeral if he wants to keep playing into Kelly and Daphne’s hands like silly putty. Aaron warned the guy. He did his job to uphold bros before hos - even if Castiel is barely a bro and Aaron co-ran Kelly's campaign for City Council and let her cry into his shoulder when she lost, and he went to church with Daphne for a couple weeks because she knew her abusive ex-boyfriend was going to be there. 

Mom practically had a heart attack when she heard about the Church thing through the grapevine, which stunned Aaron to no end because, of all his siblings, he was the only one who actually followed up on his threat to get kicked out of Hebrew school. Organized religion has never been his thing, anyway. Two Sundays with Kelly sandwiching Daphne in the pews wasn’t going to change that.

Moreover, it’s not like Aaron's never leaned on the girls for help. Daphne called her second-cousin, the cardiologist, to give a third-opinion on Dad's diagnosis. Kelly let Aaron sleep on her couch for a month because she lived across the street from the hospital. They listened to him whine about his unrequited thing for Dean Winchester when everything else in his life was going to hell. Speaking of-

“So you know Dean pretty well?” Aaron asks casually.

Castiel freezes.

“You keep staring at him,” Aaron says.

“I -”

“Relax,” Aaron says as he leans back against the bar. “Been there.”

Castiel purses his lips. “Daphne did mention you were… involved.”

“That’s a nice way of putting it,” Aaron says, since Daphne could’ve been a lot more damning in her assessment. “We slept together a couple of times. I was feeling it - he wasn’t - and that was the end of that.”

“Oh,” Castiel says, looking relieved. He glances at Aaron out of the corner of his eye. “And do you still… like him?”

Aaron snorts. “I mean, we’re not in middle school. It’s a little more complicated.”

Castiel’s brows draw together in a forbidding frown.

“I was just gonna say,” Aaron supplies quickly, “do I still think he’s hot? Yes, I have eyes. Do I want to marry him and push my mother over the edge by marrying a guy and a goy? Not anymore.”

Castiel settles back down, and Aaron makes a mental note not to piss him off anytime soon. “A word of advice?” he says as he turns back around to grab their drinks, “Don’t insult his car - or Led Zeppelin - or his brother.”

Surprised, Castiel takes a moment before laughing. “Or pie.”

“No quicker way to get your name on Dean Winchester’s shit list,” Aaron agrees. He surveys Castiel again. “So you know him pretty well already?”

Castiel shrugs. “We went to high school together.”

“Kelly mentioned,” Aaron says. “What was he like?”

“Dean?”

“No, Gary Busey,” Aaron says, rolling his eyes, “of course Dean.”

Castiel doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “Very similar to how he is now,” he says, which doesn’t tell Aaron much. “Charming. Caring. Intelligent in the strangest of ways.” Castiel pauses. “Handsome.”

“Yeah, that does sound like him,” Aaron agrees. He’s been on the receiving end of Dean’s charm offensive once or twice. It’s always left his head spinning.

Interrupting his train of thought, “Hey!” Dean calls shamelessly across the bar. “What are you two alte kakers up to?”

Aaron waves him off, unable to hide his smile at Dean’s casual Yiddish. He only picked up two or three words from Aaron, back when Aaron dove head-first into his ill-advised thing with Dean so he didn’t have to think about all the other shit going on in his life. “Here, grab the sides will you?” Aaron asks Castiel. “I think we’ve left Dean alone with them for long enough.”

Castiel dutifully picks up the mozzarella sticks and fries as Aaron double-checks his tray of glasses won’t topple over.

“Watch who you’re calling old men,” Aaron tells Dean as he sets the drinks down at their table.

“You were just gabbing up there,” Dean protests, reaching for his beer, “leaving these two lovely ladies with only little old me for company.”

Castiel snorts as Daphne rolls her eyes above the rim of her drink.

“Then you should’ve gone with yentas ,” Aaron says as he sits down.

“Like Barbra Streisand?” Dean eyes them both up and down. “Can’t say I see the resemblance.”

Aaron runs a hand down his face. “How do you know Barbra Streisand and not what yenta means?”

“Sammy made me watch it,” Dean says into his beer.

Aaron laughs. “Sure.”

“Hey, Castiel,” Daphne interrupts, “Dean was telling us the funniest story about you from way back-”

Castiel shoots Aaron a desperate look, but Aaron just grabs a mozzarella stick and settles in. Let the girls have their fun. 

* * *

“So, Castiel, are you seeing anyone?” Kelly asks after finishing her third whiskey sour. Nine months of sobriety/pregnancy had shot her tolerance to nothing. And, sure, Jack is almost four now, but Kelly still has a hard time knowing when to call it quits.

Whatever. She doesn’t regret the question. It’s been plaguing her and Daphne - and by extension Aaron because he had to listen to them - for a whole goddamn week.

Daphne’s eyes go wide.

Off to the side, Aaron slaps his hand to his forehead.

Dean turns to Castiel, his gaze piercing.

Castiel goes bright red. It’s a good color on him. Brings out the blue in his eyes. “I - well, that is to say - I am not - it’s complicated?” he fumbles.

Dean snorts as he picks up his beer to take a long pull.

Kelly frowns. “It’s complicated?” she repeats, disappointed. “How?”

“I am not comfortable discussing my personal life with colleagues,” Castiel says stiltedly.

Dean thumps him on the back. “Good move,” he says, “these three are the worst gossips in the school.”

“Hey!” Kelly protests automatically although Dean is, unfortunately, right. But it’s not her fault everyone else on staff at Edlund High doesn’t know how to have a good time.

Daphne knocks back her cosmo murderously.

Aaron shrugs.

“It’s not a bad thing,” Dean adds, “definitely has its uses. Just something for the newbie to know, right, Cas?”

“Of course,” Castiel says, sounding like he doesn’t know what exactly he’s agreeing to. 

What a cutie. Kelly grins as she leans in over the table. “You want to know which students are the worst?”

Dean frowns. “Come on, there’s no need to dunk on minors.”

“Who’s dunking?” Kelly asks innocently. “I was going to warn him about Max Banes.”

“Oh, yeah, you should know about him, Cas,” Dean says with a laugh. “Kid’s a horndog. Gives my libido a run for my money.”

Castiel blinks. “Does he… pursue teachers?”

Daphne pats his hand. “Not yet. These three think it’s only a matter of time.”

“Oh,” Cas says, “That was very frowned upon at Carver Preparatory.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “It’s frowned on here too, asshole. If he makes any… advances, just let Jody know. She and Donna - the guidance counselor - can handle it.”

“If I was going to put my psych degree to good use,” Daphne adds, “I would read into his lack of father figure. Their mom’s great, but Max doesn’t have a lot of male role models in his life.”

Kelly scowls.

Dean huffs into his beer. “Single parents have it rough, though.”

“Of course they do,” Daphne says with a significant look at Kelly. “Nobody’s saying they don’t.”

“I was raised by a single dad,” Dean protests, “and he raised me and my brother right.” He holds up a hand, and Castiel snaps his mouth shut before Kelly had even noticed it opening in the first place. “Don’t you start. I know you have thoughts about Dad, but that’s a conversation for another day.”

Kelly eyes them both curiously, but before she can ask, Aaron interrupts, “Did you guys hear about Krissy and Aidan? I think they are finally going to-”

“No way!” Daphne says, shaking her head. “She’s clueless. And he’s inept. The worst combination.”

“I believe in them,” Kelly announces. “What’d you hear, Aaron?”

As Aaron launches into the latest installment of their favorite will-they won’t-they senior couple, Kelly can finally appreciate the lazy smile Castiel wears as he settles in to listen. Maybe Aaron was right, and she and Daphne came on a little strong.

Whatever. No regrets. She wouldn’t trade that valuable intel from Castiel for anything. 

* * *

That was Kelly’s last night out for a solid month. Every other weekend, her usual babysitter called in sick or said she was busy. And usually Kelly would be happy to spend more time with her son, but come on. A month with no breaks? 

Christ, she’s such a bad mom.

Times like this don’t help.

“Jack?” Kelly calls, spinning around in the department store. Panic races through her veins. “Jack!”

She had turned her back for one minute to grab a set of towels from the highest shelf, and by the time she turned around, Jack was gone. She scans the surrounding racks of linens, her eyes peeled for any sign of Jack’s Spider-Man shirt. Heart beating erratically, she pushes her shopping cart back towards the bedding aisle - Jack had been enamored with a set of hideous, bright orange sheets, and Kelly had only gotten him away by bribing him with a piece of nougat.

“Jack!” she shouts again, going a bit red in the face as people turn to stare. 

“Kelly?” 

Shit. How could she miss Dean Winchester standing right in front of her?

“Dean!” Kelly greets, pasting on a fake smile as she cranes her neck around to scan the aisles behind him. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“It was recently brought to my attention I needed a bathmat,” Dean grumbles, “and a shower curtain that doesn’t have the Scooby Gang on it.”

Kelly laughs, a tad hysterically. “Probably. I - well, nice running into you. I need to go - my son’s wandered off, and I need to find him because I am not a terrible mother.”

But instead of standing to the side, Dean adopts a pained expression. “He’s four, right?”

Kelly blinks. “Yes.”

Dean jerks his head for Kelly to follow. “I think I know where he is,” Dean says griml

Bemused, Kelly pushes her cart after Dean, back to the display beds. Her eyes zero in on the orange eye-sore, currently occupied by a jumping toddler. A dark-haired man perches on one edge with his back to them, apparently trying to communicate with Kelly’s wayward son.

She all but sprints forward, nearly bumping her shopping cart into several bed frames. “Jack!” she says loudly, and Jack stops at once. 

“Mama!” he calls back delightedly.

“What are you doing?”

“Jumping.”

Kelly resists the urge to facepalm. “What did I tell you about wandering off? Or talking to stran-” She backtracks, finally focusing on the man. “Oh, hi, Castiel.”

“Hello, Kelly,” Castiel says, his deep voice sending a frisson down her spine like it always does.

“You know Mama?” Jack asks, looking from Kelly to Castiel and back again.

“We work together,” Castiel explains.

“This is Castiel,” Kelly introduces, and Jack wastes no time in chirping out, “Nice to meet you Castiel!’ 

Castiel sticks out his hand like he’s greeting the President instead of Kelly’s four-year-old son. “You as well, Jack.”

“What’re you doing here?” Kelly asks as Jack gives Castiel’s hand a theatrical shake. 

Castiel’s brow furrows. “Purchasing home goods?” He gets to his feet. “I was searching for a suitable bathmat when I found Jack.”

“A bathmat,” Kelly echoes, whirling in place to see a red-faced Dean a few paces away, apparently enthralled by a set of outrageously mundane pillows.

“Yes?” Castiel confirms, following her gaze and blushing furiously. “Ah, hello, Dean. I - I didn’t see you there?”

Dean throws his hands in the air, giving up on all pretenses. “You’re impossible,” he says to Castiel.

“You’re buying a bathmat together?” Kelly asks, confused.

“Dean doesn’t have one,” Castiel says promptly. 

“I didn’t need one until-” Dean closes his mouth with a snap.

Kelly stares at the pair of them. “Do you two live together?” she demands.

Castiel opens his mouth, but no words come out.

Kelly turns to Dean, who is rapidly scanning for the exits.

“Are you the ‘it’s complicated’?” she asks curiously, only looking away as Jack pats her knee determinedly, his face hopeful.

“Up?” he asks.

Kelly sighs and hefts him into her arms. “You’re getting too big for this.”

“Am not,” Jack mumbles into her shoulder.

Kelly presses a kiss to his forehead and turns back to Castiel and Dean, who look more like two students caught passing notes than fully grown men. “Well?”

Dean shares a loaded glance with Castiel, and Kelly has no idea how she missed the whole couple thing. Eventually, he says, “After two f-” he glances at Jack, “-friggin’ years, he finally got sick of cold feet in my bathroom.”

“Two years,” Kelly gapes.

Castiel sighs. “Three.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t start sleeping over at-”

“Dean,” Castiel interrupts in a growl.

Dean rubs the back of his neck. He coughs. “Anyway,” he says, “Yes, we’re dating. No, it’s not really that complicated. Cas just doesn’t like to talk about it at work.”

“Hm,” Kelly says neutrally.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t spread it around,” Castiel says as Dean snorts derisively.

“Hey,” Kelly says, defensive, “I can do that.”

Dean raises his eyebrows. “You can?”

“Sure, if you ask, Jesus,” Kelly says, rolling her eyes. “I’m not a monster.”

“Thank you,” Castiel says gratefully.

Kelly grins. “But if I can’t spread it around, Daphne’s still going to go after him like he’s a prize heifer at a state fair.”

Castiel squints at her, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “She was pursuing me?” 

Dean guffaws. “Don’t ever change, man.” He claps him on the back while turning back to Kelly. “We can handle Daphne. Don’t worry.”

“Whatever, boys,” Kelly says as she pushes her cart back towards the linens, “it’s your funeral.” She hefts Jack higher in her arms. “Say goodbye to Dean and Castiel, Jack.” As Jack waves goodbye, she calls, “See you Monday!”

Sure, she’s a little disappointed Castiel is clearly off the dating market. But, bonus, she has blackmail material on not one, but two Edlund faculty members, and possibly a pinch-hitter babysitter waiting to happen. Not bad for a shopping trip with a four-year-old in tow.

* * *

Donna’s surprise party at Fizzle’s Folly is well underway by the time Aaron extricates himself from a lively discussion with his Head of Department and Rowena MacLeod, Edlund's chemistry teacher. Aaron will never, ever miss an opportunity to talk to a drunk Eleanor Visyak, and Rowena turned out to be surprisingly knowledgeable about 17th century English politics.

Still, he’s taken all the history talk he can stand, especially after teaching it for four hours to a bunch of high schoolers with varying degrees of interest. 

He finds Daphne in one of the far booths, tucked away with Castiel and Dean, surprise, surprise. After snagging another beer at the bar, he slides in next to Daphne. “What’s up?” he asks the three of them.

“Hey,” Dean greets with a toast of his glass.

“Hello, Aaron.”

“Budge up, you’re taking like three quarters of the seat,” Daphne complains.

“Daph was just telling us about her plans to do a joint project between GSA and the Amnesty International club,” Dean says. “Cas says he’ll come to GSA next week.”

“Yeah?” Aaron asks as Castiel nods in confirmation. “That’s great! I’d go check it out, but the Debate club meets at the same time.”

Castiel frowns. “Maybe I should run a club? Daphne has Amnesty International, Dean runs GSA, and you have Debate.”

“You can always ask Jody about forming a new one in January,” Aaron says. “Honestly, the hardest part’ll be finding a time to meet. Don’t go for afterschool Thursdays, or Benny will kick your ass.”

“Why?”

“He has his cooking club,” Dean says with a grin. “And, like, half the student body goes. I sometimes go and help out too, if he needs extra hands.”

“You’ll go if he’s making pie,” Aaron corrects.

“It’s for the kids!” Dean protests over Castiel’s chuckles. “Benny’s got a lot of skills, but he has a lot to learn when it comes to pie. The kids need to know how to make a good pie.”

“If only to feed you later,” Aaron mutters.

“You’ll also want to avoid Tuesdays afterschool,” Daphne tells Castiel. “Jo’s self-defense club meets then, and it’s also got a large following.”

“Yeah, all the girls who wanna be like Jo sign up, and all the boys who want to see Jo all sweaty show up with semis,” Dean says with a shudder of revulsion.

Aaron kicks him under the table. “That’s sexist. How are you forgetting all the lesbians?”

“Ah, yes, can’t forget the lesbians,” Dean agrees sagely.

“Does this school have Model UN?” Castiel asks. “I was looking to set up a chapter at Carver before I switched positions.”

“No, we don’t,” Daphne says eagerly. “That’s an excellent idea.”

Dean drains the dregs of his beer. “I’m gonna get another, Cas? Daph? A-Game?”

Aaron rolls his eyes at the nickname. “I’m good,” he says, holding up his three-quarters full glass.

“Another cosmo, please?” Daphne asks.

“Sure.” Dean salutes.

“I’ll go with you,” Castiel says as Daphne’s face falls. “I need to stretch my legs.”

They leave, heads already bent together to hear each other over the dull roar of the party. “They seem close,” Aaron says, jerking his head.

Daphne sighs. “Yeah, they do,” she says morosely. She twirls her empty glass between her fingers. “Kelly’s given up on him. I think you might be right - he definitely has a thing for Dean.”

Aaron sips his beer. “I don’t blame him.”

“Of course you don’t,” Daphne says with a small grin, lightly kicking him under the table.

Before Aaron can think of anything else to say, Kelly appears over Daphne’s shoulder, her face flushed as it always gets when she drinks too much red wine. She slides into the side of the booth vacated by Dean and Castiel. “Some party, right? Did you see Garth doing shots?”

“No,” Daphne says, nose wrinkling. “And I don’t want to. I’ll stay here, out of the splash zone, thanks.”

Kelly giggles. “Why d’you think I’m over here instead of egging him on like Jo and Charlie.”

By the time Aaron finishes off the rest of his beer, Daphne’s still one cosmo short, and it’s been at least twenty minutes since he saw Dean and Castiel.

“Hey, I’ll go check up on that drink you’re waiting for,” Aaron says, getting to his feet.

“You sure?” Daphne asks, blinking hazily up at him. And okay, it’s probably good she had a breather between rounds.

“Yeah,” Aaron says, jerking his head towards the bar. “I need to piss anyway.”

“Gross,” Daphne says, nose wrinkling.

Kelly giggles, “If you think a little pee is gross, you don’t want to hear what Jack got up to with-”

Daphne actually places both hands over her ears and goes, “Na, na, na.”

Aaron leaves the pair of them laughing, with Kelly trying to pry Daphne’s hands away and Daphne getting louder with each tug.

He makes his way through the thinning crowd, waving to Eleanor when he spots her getting ready to leave and nodding to Charlie as she adjusts the empty shot glasses in front of her, Jo, and an impossibly red-faced Garth.

Aaron slides between the thinning crowd to duck out into the hallway leading to the bathrooms. As he gets closer to the men’s room, he slows. There are sounds coming from behind the door. Not like the pained bathroom sounds like Great Aunt Rachel gets after too much dairy. Porn sounds.

Aaron, torn between finding out who’s getting down and dirty at Donna’s surprise party, and getting Kelly and Daphne so they can witness the big reveal with him, is still rooted to the spot as the door bursts open and Castiel and Dean stumble out.

Cas’s hair is a bird’s nest of bedhead that would probably drop Daphne’s panties in a heartbeat. Dean’s cheeks are flushed, and Aaron definitely recognizes his immediate post-orgasm face.

“Fuck,” Dean swears as he finds his footing. He stares at Aaron, and Aaron stares right back.

“Aaron,” Castiel says breathlessly, temporarily drawing his attention. “You’re… here.”

“I had to pee,” Aaron says lamely.

“Oh, well, it’s all yours then,” Dean says, blushing to the roots of his hair as he gestures to the now available men’s room.

“Fuck no.” Aaron automatically recoils. There’s no way he’s touching any surface in that bathroom until it’s been scrubbed and bleached. He has some goddamn standards. He’d rather pee in the alley out back.

They linger awkwardly until Aaron speaks. He eyes the pair of them, his gaze ping-ponging back and forth. “So… you two are finally together?”

“Finally?” Dean echoes.

“Uh yeah,” Aaron says, confused. “Castiel clearly has a huge thing for you. Not to spill the beans or anything.”

A beat.

Dean cracks up.

Aaron, almost offended on Castiel’s behalf, opens his mouth as he catches sight of Castiel’s face, lips pressed tight together like he’s trying not to laugh. “You knew?”

Castiel slowly shakes his head as Dean leans on him for support, gasping for air. “Oh my god, Cas, that’s fucking embarrassing. D’you have a crush on me?”

“Shut up, Dean,” Castiel grumbles, shoving him off. To Aaron he says, “We’ve been dating for three years. He’s known about my feelings for a while now.”

“Oh,” Aaron says, drawing the syllable out as Dean composes himself.

“Jesus Christ,” Dean says, wiping at his eyes, “I thought I was going to give it all away, but turns out you’re just as obvious as you were in high school.”

Castiel sighs. “We were trying to not spread our relationship around.”

“Cas wanted to get settled in before people started saying he was my trophy husband,” Dean says with a wink.

Horror seizes Aaron. “You’re not married, are you?” he blurts. He glances down at their hands - no rings - and he would never forgive himself for missing something that obvious.

“No,” Castiel shakes his head, “we are only dating for now.”

“Not yet.”

Castiel turns to Dean in surprise, and Aaron really doesn’t need to be here for that conversation. “Oh-kay,” he says, sidling around them, “I still gotta,” he jerks his head towards the men’s room. 

“Right!” Dean says, grinning. “We should get back to the party. Say hi to Donna.”

Aaron makes his exit, sighing in relief as the door closes behind him. He should be fine if he doesn’t touch anything. Or look at any shiny surfaces too closely. Once upon a time, he lived with a dozen Alpha Epsilon Pi brothers. He can do this.

* * *

Daphne has had it up to here with her juniors. Yes, Homecoming is this weekend. No, their essays aren’t due until next week, but that doesn’t excuse their behavior this Friday afternoon. Nobody wants to be in class at a quarter to three. High school juniors don’t. Daphne sure as hell doesn’t. They can’t cut her a little slack?

When the bell finally rings, Daphne sighs in relief. She dismisses her class with a terse, “Aufiderzein.”

She gathers her files together, grumbling to herself about stupid staff meetings on Friday. It’s like Jody wants them to surreptitiously play games on their phones and text each other when she’s looking the other way or yelling at Rowena for blowing up the Chemistry Lab again. 

At least Benny always brings snacks from Thursday’s Cooking Club. 

Daphne glances at her watch. Jody gives them a half-hour to get their affairs in order, but Daphne doesn’t mind staking out her seat in the Teachers Lounge early. She can save spots for Kelly and Aaron and stake out the precious few non-wobbly chairs.

She stops by the Language Office, pleasantly surprised to find it empty. No Dean, Kelly, or Castiel in sight. Daphne quickly gathers her freshmen pop quizzes to grade this weekend and her copy of Die Verwandlung.

She rounds the final corner before the Teachers Lounge and stops dead. Because Aaron and Kelly are hovering outside the door and spying through the slim glass pane. Without her.

“What’s going on?” Daphne asks curiously.

“Ah!” Kelly whirls around, clutching her heart.

“Daphne!” Aaron says loudly. “What’re you doing here?”

“Saving us a seat for the meeting?” Daphne says, crossing her arms over her chest. “Like I do every month?”

Aaron and Kelly share a loaded look. Aaron is the first one to speak, “I think we’re good this time.”

“Why?” Daphne asks, stepping closer. She frowns as Kelly and Aaron automatically stand shoulder-to-shoulder, blocking her view of the narrow window.

“Students are in there,” Aaron blurts.

“Puking,” Kelly adds.

Daphne doesn’t believe them for a second. “And you’re just standing there watching it happen?”

“Schadenfreude?” Aaron tries. “It’s the mean ones. You know. The kids we don't like.”

Daphne rolls her eyes, pushing them aside and standing on her tiptoes to see.

“We tried,” Aaron grumbles to her right.

“They can’t fault us for that,” Kelly says to her left.

At first, it looks like the Teachers Lounge is empty. Most seats are unoccupied, and nobody’s loitering by the coffee machine. One of the tables is strewn with three mostly-empty mini pie tins. Cherry, by the color. Movement catches her eye, and, woah how did she miss that?

“No way,” she breathes, glancing at Aaron and Kelly for confirmation.

Aaron scuffing his shoes against the floor, nods sheepishly.

“They made me promise not to tell,” Kelly says ruefully, lips pursing. 

“Dean and Castiel?” Daphne gasps, squinting to better see Edlund High’s newest hire and favorite English teacher (no offense, Kelly) getting at it on the lumpy couch in the back that no one sat on because of this very reason.

She rounds on them. “You knew?” she hisses.

Kelly huffs an impatient sigh, blowing a few brown strands of hair out of her face. “I ran into them shopping together a few weeks ago.”

Aaron grimaces. “I nearly walked in on them having sex in the bathroom at Donna’s surprise party last weekend.”

Daphne blinks at the pair of them, hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Kelly opens her mouth but no words come out.

“This is the first guy since Mark you showed an interest in,” Aaron rushes to say.

“We didn’t want to ruin it,” Kelly says.

Daphne’s eyes narrow. “And you didn’t think the fact that he’s clearly taken would ruin it?”

“I don’t know,” Kelly says, throwing her hands in the hair. “Sue us, we liked seeing you happy for however long it lasted!”

Daphne softens. 

“We thought,” Aaron says, glancing at Kelly for support, “You were getting over Castiel, anyway.”

A small, petty part of Daphne is tempted to deny it as punishment for keeping this from her. But mostly she’s relieved. “Yeah, mostly,” she mutters.

“So… we good?” Aaron tries.

Kelly loops her arm around her in a one-armed hug. “Of course we are.”

Daphne rolls her eyes. “Of course,” she echoes as Aaron pats her on the back, a wide grin spreading over his face. And, yeah, this is why she has the two best friends on Earth.

“What are you three up to?” 

The smile slides off Kelly’s face. “Jody!” she says, spinning around to meet their Principal, holding a paper cup of coffee, and trailed by what looks like half the Edlund High teachers.

Oh shit.

Aaron not-so-accidentally knocks his elbow, loudly, into the door as he turns to face Jody et al. “We didn’t see you there,” he says conversationally.

“Hm,” Jody hums as she reaches past them for the doorknob. “Meeting’s going to start in ten.”

“Can we make it fifteen?” Aaron asks desperately, shuffling to the side so he better blocks the way in.

Jody shakes her head, throwing him a bemused look. “I’m pretty sure everyone wants this started with and over as soon as possible.”

“If you need to urinate, Bass, do it now,” Rowena sniffs.

“I don’t-” Aaron starts, breaking off as Jody finally opens the door. 

She stops dead in her tracks.

“Jody!” Dean’s voice carries through the doorway, uncharacteristically high. “’S it time for the meeting already?”

Jo elbows her way to the front. “Goddammit,” she says, sounding completely unsurprised as she stands next to Jody. “Really, guys?”

The rest of the staff curiously filter in.

Behind Daphne, Benny surreptitiously slides Charlie a few bills, muttering, “I told them this was stupid.”

Charlie laughs. “But you still thought they’d last until Homecoming.”

“What can I say,” Benny says, shrugging, “I’m an optimist. And I was so close.”

Daphne meets Charlie’s eyes, asking in a low voice, “Did everyone know?”

Charlie see-saws her hand back and forth as they take their seats. “About half,” she says, glancing behind them to where Dean and Castiel are attempting to make themselves presentable. “Turns out, they’re really bad at keeping the whole ‘Destiel’ thing under wraps. It’s adorable they thought they could try.”

Daphne looks too, and there’s no mistaking what Dean and Castiel were doing. Their lips are swollen from kissing, and, weirdly, Castiel’s tie faces the right way. Daphne snorts. Probably because he didn’t tie it himself, for once.

Jody clears her throat. “Alright, settle down, guys,” she says with a sharp glare in Dean and Castiel’s direction. “As you all know, Homecoming is next weekend-”

* * *

Jody pinches the bridge of her nose. “Okay, that’s all that was on my agenda for today’s meeting-” she waits for the cheers to die down “but, Dean and Castiel, can you stay for a sec?”

Castiel visibly swallows.

Dean scowls.

Jody waits for the rest of the staff to leave.

Nobody moves a muscle.

“Jesus Christ,” Jody swears under her breath. She’s managing children. Horrible, gossipy children. “Okay, I guess everyone could use a refresher.” She clears her throat. “PDA is strictly discouraged among faculty. It’s in the goddamn handbook, people.”

“Really, Jody?” Dean complains.

“I’m not saying you can’t be in a relationship,” Jody says with a sharp look. “Just don’t… advertise it.”

“You got something against two dudes making out?” Dean demands, half-getting up from his seat.

“Of course not, you ass,” Jody says in a long-suffering voice, “I do have something against teenagers making out in every hallway and empty classroom, which they will if they see their two favorite teachers doing it.” She shakes her head. “If you want to hold hands or take an ad out in the school paper, be my guest.”

“Ah, yes, of course,” Castiel says hesitantly, wasting no time in reaching for Dean’s hand.

“Plus,” Jody says loftily, “I’ve been dating Donna for six months, and you don’t see me dragging her into supply closets, do you?” And into the stunned silence, Jody stands up to leave.

There are various cries of, “Donna?”

Donna throws her hands in the air as Kelly, Daphne, and Aaron converge on her like piranhas tasting blood in the water. “Jeez Louise,” Donna grumbles, “a little warning wouldn’t kill ya, would it Jody-o?”

“Probaby,” Jody says, giving them all a jaunty salute. “Enjoy your weekends, everyone!”

[curious-minx]

Zippity Zoomer: Mining the Minecraft Generation

One picture is usually all it  takes to transport the viewer, one picture can create many stories.

“Where Y’All Sitting” is an image meme template ripped from good ol’ Vectortoons, a ubiquitous nobody. This meme represents a leftover relic of the days of true Beliebers.  This particular variant of the meme offers up a collage of usernames turned public personas of Minecraft content creators, and is not in fact secret gibberish code that Gen-Z uses for telepathic communication. For the record, and for the sake of offering my own  POV, dear Reader  I’m a rapidly decaying millennial screeching into my late twenties. The following is an investigation into a NEW BREED(Z) of Celebrity, The Minecraft Streamer.

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Millennials are more obsessed with generational categories because we have never felt an ounce of control in our own destinies.” - Me, a too wordy Millennial 

My first impression when I started Googling these names one by one is that Google generously auto generates the word “merch” next to nearly every name on this list. In the Age of the Hustle, our children’s children are hawking off not just plain ol t-shirts; but also offer a wide array of: hoodies, cell phone cases, coffee mugs, pillows, stickers (oh god, the  endless flood of stickers), clocks, shower curtains, coasters, jigsaw puzzles, magnets, tapestries, bedding (no, bedframes?), hats, fannypacks, flags, stationary, facemasks, baby onesies, coins, drinkware, pet clothing, and fake presidential campaign merch are just a smattering of the wares hawked by the people listed in this picture. This list of Minecraft enthusiasts turned digital entrepreneurs are all mostly various stripes of the same  floppy haired young men variant. An unyielding crop of snarky cocky content creators. Most of them are banking off of the success of a digital experiment that asked, “What if Lego, but as a video game?” No! There’s more to Minecraft than that! So much more and a decrypted boomer like me could  never hope to decipher.

Buy my Merch because I’m born to be on Merch. 

The cockiness permeating from these content creators is understandable. Most of these current Professional Gamers were raised devoid of a functioning plausible civilization. These Gaming Content Creators can have faith in the digital system  because it is through the stage of Minecraft they are  accumulating millions of youtube and twitch subscribers. All of these content providers are part of millions of young people’s media diet, websites churn out articles tracking down their love lives. People want to know if badboyhalo is dating Skeppy ? People want to know if Addison Rae is joining a Minecraft based content farm collective Dream SMP? Why has Tommy Innit been banned from Tik Tok? Why did georgenotfound boycott Wendy’s? Were Minx and Wilbur Soot really dating?  Does technoblade have ADD? Okay, mainly the website Distractify is asking these questions  the Google algorithm certainly encourages them too). This onslaught of articles proves that not only are these largely Minecraft based Twitch streamers profitable from a merchandising stand point but they can also be mined for tabloid fodder.  

Wilbur Soot - who is not an Incel. He’s just cheeky. 

The connective tissue that brings all of these names together is not just Minecraft and Game streaming, but the common cause of a collective, the Dream SMP collective. Apparently, young people need a collective to believe in. I know I would be lost without an Animal Collective or an Odd Future to help illustrate what a collaborative effort should look like.  Young people gravitate towards collectives and communities at large, because it is no longer available in the real world (and this was the case well before Covid). Take another name from the meme lunch room, Wilbur Soot, who is not only another Twitch based video game streamer, but he is also a musician with equally viral music videos . Soot’s general sound/vibe could be described as if Los Campesinos were extremely online and played less instruments (and just generally were worse, okay maybe that’s a thin, mean comparison). His music is not offensive, one song in particular “E-girl” finds Soot’s flipping expectations and criticizes the Internet for aiding an unhealthy romantic  fixation. Surprisingly thoughtful material that is trying to articulate the raw feeling of people plugged in since birth. Seeing  as most of these Minecraft based guys are known for being on the mic for hours at a time it does make Soot’s four minute song feel way longer than it should be. Soot’s got an impressive music production style down that makes his schtick go down easier. My verdict, Wilbur Soot is certainly a step above Hobo Johnson.

One of these e-boys were reported on for  making an off colored jokes on a Jackbox stream, and is about a complete non-story as you would expect. I am sure most of the young men listed in this collage are walking Ninja/pewdiepie hate speech bombs waiting to happen, but I am sure that kind of controversy is saved for later down the road to get over that 10 million subscriber hump.For the most part, this is bunch of dorky tech savvy teenagers who indulge in wholesome trolling and have a fixation on serving the Sponsors.  

These Minecraft based content creators’ main business pitch is a Maximalist Parasocial Bonding that specifically taps into the fan’s Good Friends based cortex. In no way am I adverse to freebasing on parasocial adult (mostly male) friendships. Being a human being, especially young and naive, is a lonely and miserable experience. People need all the faint grasp of human  connection he/she/they can get. None of these kids invented this dehumanizing that rewards people who strip themselves down to the basic elementals, strip themselves down into a celebrity sized square.

A still from the upcoming DREAM SMP movie trailer that is currently nestled at 11,100,784 views

Writing this article has been a personal exercise in fighting against validating every one of my knee-jerk reactions against these Simple Minecraft Dreamers. I saw a sea of probable goons rolling around in their sponsored donated money pits where donors’ flex control over the content provider. Give badboy Skeppy 10,000 big ones and he’ll shave his head for you and put on a show. Digging deeper, and I assure you what is lurking behind every seemingly bizarre and incomprehensible faction on the Internet is a longing for community. An all too real human ache and urge to spin stories and craft personal mythos. Minecraft is not the Marvel Industrial Complex but the Dreamers, muffins and potatoes could change all of that. I keep thinking that Minecraft is just a video game version of Legos and that it will one day fade away, but I am dead wrong. It is I that will be doing the fading away. The stories and servers of Minecraft myth makers will outlive me. My body will decompose but a Minecraft streamer’s plastic phone case will endure.