#also NEVER TRY METH OR HEROIN EVER!!!!!!!! those are NOT party drugs!!!!

[tittyinfinity]

Imagine everyone is doing lines of coke in the bathroom together and when it comes to your turn someone says "sorry but I heard you're a parent and it would be irresponsible for me to give you this while you're child free and with other adults :/ I just think parents shouldn't do drugs sorry :/"

[pennswoodsman]

It’s like coming out of the closet.

As a cannabis user for the past 2 decades, the last 2 years have been revolutionary. I got high for the first time with my friend Bill back in 1992. I got drunk for the first time with my friend John around the same time. I got violently ill with alcohol but I had a blast with cannabis. I knew almost right away that cannabis was going to be my intoxicant of choice. This left me with a major stigma, of course. I had to spend the next 24 years not sure how people would react to my choice of getting intoxicated to relax at night. I got a lot of shit from a whole lot of people. People who said I “did drugs”. Effectively putting me on the same level as a heroin or Crystal meth abuser. In college, being a cannabis user meant that I sometimes ended up meeting actual junkies. I had absolutely nothing in common with these people other than we enjoyed a schedule 1 drug. Mine was less dangerous than alcohol while theirs was the worst of the worst. Yet, we ended up in the same circle due to me not being able to purchase it any other way. I hated that. I resented that. 

Things like making friends always had the possibility of being judged, scoffed at and looked at with total scorn. At West Chester and Ferrum, I used to attend parties full of drunken idiots, but often got dirty looks from people for being the one smoking a bowl instead of drinking. I was generally banned from smoking in someone’s house, which I totally get. It is illegal and they don’t want to get in trouble. Ferrum also had a “zero tolerance drug policy”. Which meant you would get in just as much trouble for a joint than you would for heroin.  At least on paper. Drinking, of course, was totally normal and could take place right in the open. 

On many occasions, I have been made to feel shame by someone who loves to drink by the implication that their way of getting intoxicated was better than mine, theirs was fun and harmless, where as mine was evil and dangerous. a few examples come to mind. One was my best friend’s brother in law’s ex wife.  She was a major drinker and all her stories on Facebook revolved around her getting totally trashed at pubs every night  or being so hung over the following day she could barely function. One time I suggested switching to cannabis and she got ridiculously offended with a “I don’t do that shit.  I might like to drink, but I don’t touch drugs!!” This is a typical response (not to mention ironic as she is now a crystal meth addict). Another time I was at a pub with 2 friends of Bill’s near his old apartment. Bill had left to do something so I was hanging out with these other 2.  One of them was a single woman named Erin. She was really attractive and I was really doing my best to work up the nerve to try to engage her in conversation. The problem was she and the guy were both big drinkers and all of their stories were about drinking. Literally. I was waiting for the subject to change to a topic I could add something too.  But it never presented itself. So, even though I knew it could backfire, I brought up stories of mine about cannabis. I stopped telling stories revolving around it’s use alone ages ago, but I wanted to fit in, and get her attention. They both seemed less than impressed but didn’t say anything. The following day I was talking to Bill on the phone and he told me his buddy said I was “totally sweating Erin” which was true. But, she was really turned off by my use of cannabis and how I “kept bringing it up”. Meanwhile I was all “Say whaaaa?!” When I say all of their stories that night were about drinking, I mean there was literally not a single story they told that wasn’t about drinking, yet I was the weirdo druggie who wouldn’t stop telling boring stories about getting the reefer madness. 

In my experience, it was usually women who judged me the most about it. Or at least their judgement is the one I heard about the most (maybe because I didn’t give a fuck what the dudes thought, as I wasn’t trying to date them). Even Tammy said back in the early 2000s that it was something that was fine to “experiment” with when you’re a teen, but once you “grow up” you give it up. I asked her what was that based on, she just shrugged and said it’s just how she feels.  Fair enough, but it still struck me as illogical as the thing you do as a “grown up” is far more dangerous, and tends to make you act way more childish when intoxicated.  But, again, there was no arguing with “marra-jah-wanna is an illegal drug and alcohol is a time honored way to socialize”.  The worst of those arguments for me was with my buddy Anthony’s wife Colleen. She has open contempt for cannabis users and had no problem getting in my face about it at every opportunity (in addition to getting in my face about Israel and how Jews are criminals, then flipping out if you respond by bringing up Northern Ireland. But that’s a rant for another day). Her contempt reached a whole new level at a Halloween party at my house back in 2004. I was talking to someone else about growing my own cannabis. She started to get in my face about being a “drug user” and how it’s destroying society. I asked her how was I hurting anyone by smoking it on my back porch at night after work? She started to say that it hurts children because when I buy it from the dealer, I’ll smoke up with him right in front of his children (which I sure as fuck have never done), that it changes people’s personality for the worse (but alcohol did not, according to her) it destroys families and in order to get my drugs, it has to be smuggled by evil drug cartels who murder innocent people “because of people like YOU”. When I tried to say that’s why cannabis should be legal, taking the power out of the hands of the evil cartels, she laughed and said “that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard”. She has a brother who is a criminal. Among many other things he did illegally, he sold weed.  His adolescent daughters ended up in foster care with her and Anthony due to him being in prison at the time. To me, this was the worst of anecdotal evidence. She seemed to think all cannabis users are guilty this happened. Not that her brother was a total sociopath. That was 15 years ago and she is one of those people that I’m willing to bet you would still double down on this sentiment, as she pretty much will never admit to being wrong. Even once various states began to legalize it’s use and almost everything I said would happen happened (drug cartels losing huge amounts of money, tax revenue going to help social programs, victimless crimes not wasting the police’s time, and no, it’s not going to result in everyone getting stoned 24/7, for a few examples) it all didn’t matter. She sure as hell doesn’t have to listen to anything a stupid druggie says. As we’re all a bunch of doped up liars who only care about our own pleasure. All that being said, there have been plenty of men who have judged me harshly too.  I always suspected my old buddy Mike and I drifted apart due to his attitude about cannabis (among other things). Although it’s kind of funny that his wife enjoys it, gave it up after college because it’s illegal. Then he was shocked when she said she would resume using it when it’s fully legal. 

This is all not to mention the shit my mother used to give me about it. She was the only one who was worse than Colleen...at least towards me. 

Other examples:

My ex-GF Nina one time was openly showing contempt when I made some remark about still smoking in my 50s.  She said “wait, you are planning to still be smoking weed in your 50s?!” I was all “Yea.  Why not? Why does that matter?!” She responded with something to the extent of “You never plan to grow up?!” This was at the end of our relationship and she started off the relationship with not caring about cannabis use but by the end she was always giving me shit about it. To a point where I was uncomfortable even bringing it up, because it would result in a long boring holier than thou rant about how bad it is, grow ups don’t use it, etc. I was not upset when we broke up.

My Ex-GF Lisa wasn’t too bad about it in that she didn’t bring it up very often. I just promised I would never be high when we were together, a promise I always kept. Her late father had spent time in prison on Moonshining charges and she admitted that there wasn’t that much of a difference.  But alas, it’s a “drug” and alcohol is legal. Therefore one is immoral and one is just fine. Very cut and dry.

When my soon to be ex-wife was having an affair with he who shall not be named, he used my cannabis usage as another way to show my inferiority to him.  He was a dysfunctional alcoholic, but what I did was only for hippie idiots so therefore it was only logical to have open contempt for me.

My late mother used to referred to my father’s cannabis use as our family’s “dirty little secret”. Very effectively attaching shame and guilt to it’s use...which was totally her intention. She also always referred to it as “dope” and “drugs”. She would always accuse me of being high even when I wasn’t. She would go out of her way to try to catch me (if I was coming home late, she would wait up, even if my friends were with me, so she could tell me my “eyes look funny” or “I’m acting funny”. I’ll leave it at that, as I have a lot of issues with my late mother and the way she treated me like a criminal for cannabis use.

But, it’s dramatic policy change in our country has led to a dramatic attitude change. Last week, I got attitude from a woman who was a drinker who acted like I was a druggie for owning a medical card but didn’t drink, but this attitude is becoming the exception rather than the rule. Before, I couldn’t even add it to my online dating profile because I had to always assume it was an instant turn off...even though it would be something that they would find out about eventually.  Thank freakin’ god.

[connywrites]

gala and delilahs 4

start - part [3]

It was frightening the way Gala could change her personality on a whim, when she wanted and needed to. Leo imagined it might have been the same way when people experienced similarly with him, but he didn’t believe he had so much control over such an aspect, like she did.

It was kinky, for a while; the downcast glares, high heels, tight leather and sour attitude that had him riled up in seconds. When he was too gone to think and she could do it for him, so being stepped all over wasn’t so bad; at least not in the literal sense, bound to the bed with overcoming desire flooding his body and nothing else.

That’s what addictive personalities were about—wanting more, and more, and more. He’d always wanted more than he had, and as he’d had less, he desired greater. It was a natural cycle that made sense in his head, but as he grew older, the understanding grew dimmer, and more people around saw him as selfish and demanding the more he wanted. Craved. Desired, stuck his neck out for, went to unusual lengths to get a hold of; and by then it didn’t seem so simple anymore, and adults weren’t so understanding when all he wanted was a quiet place to go to snort lines and cry for a night.

It was desire amidst a twisted rewards system always thinking it was going to achieve instant gratification, only to fall through with heavier disappointment each time it didn’t happen. Psychology textbooks had said so for decades, but he ignored those. He didn’t like the words, how they sounded, how they seemed to laugh at him, and naturally it was easier to blend in with others that had likewise problems than try to confront his personal issues, on his own.

Which was what lead someone to wind up with a drug addiction problem. Drugs were always on the mind—if it wasn’t one thing, it was the next. The ‘gateway drug’ theory only worked in reverse when one tried to come down off of the worst; when there wasn’t red ice, meth was nearby. There was crack, cocaine and heroin. Beside that were the Xanax bars, Oxycodone and Benzodiazepines he’d luckily avoided in the favor that they never did anything for him. Alcohol and weed were low-level, last resorts in a mind like his, always chasing the dragon; but still he mentally crawled for the slightest satisfaction of any high he could get.

Hours of sex, awake days on end, strung-out from the dry eyeballs to chattering teeth, neglecting the numb feeling on his skin while he dug across his arms with jagged, bitten-down fingernails. Nights of drinking, hitting the pipe and the windowpanes of her nice new luxury car, an expensive birthday gift that filled him with so much resentment he couldn’t breathe. Mornings of sinking into heroin happiness, followed by nights in the K-hole, half-unconscious on the floor of his ex’s best friend’s boyfriend’s place, because that was the only asshole available to ‘look after him’ for the night.

Ecstasy, LSD, Molly. Marijuana, Brandy and a few cigarettes. Leo spent so much of his time avoiding reality, he didn’t acknowledge the reality of what he avoided—that which was one of danger and constant avoidance, delirium and confusion.

When red ice was first big, he was young, blossoming into late teenage years. When androids were new, fascinating experiments, high-priced in their new days of being released with plenty of bugs and defects yet to be discovered by its ever-eager richening market. Kamski was already sitting comfortably while the drudges of Detroit were left to look up to the plastic dolls like angels and saviors, something that might swoop into your life and take all your worries from you—cleaning, chores, childcare—all carried away in the arms of a plastic, smiling white knight that would never thank you with sincerity, only continue to empty your bank accounts and steal your job.

But they could thank you with their biocomponents.

Androids were nothing so complex back in the day; human-shaped, sure, with a basic personality installed back when the Chloe models were new, hot shit, when there was no need for an overly responsive, humanoid robot – just something that looked like you, spoke like you, but did what you didn’t want or need to. Easy. The solution of humanity never taking up enough space seemed fixed, and the personal desire for company more than one could earn was quickly, but temporarily satiated.

Thirium wasn’t a new chemical, but its use as an electric component was freshly discovered. He’d been one of the suspects on one of Lieutenant’s Red Ice Epidemic cases, but luckily knew how to keep his head covered enough no one made the connection, considering he was fleeting enough throughout the city and a minor at the time, anyway, leaving him off with warnings and a glance of pretend worry from the direction of his parent; considering he didn’t exactly have two growing up.

His mother would gather everything she needed, herself; as much as she could, all at once. It wasn’t hard to make, she’d tell him in a shy tone that beckoned him to add to the business. He refused to learn.

“You’re ripping those people off, you know. You’re ruining their lives,” he’d tell her, thinking with a pure heart in mind of whoever created androids in the first place. A marvel of their time and many more to come, he’d only heard of such a thing when he could have been graduating high school.

They weren’t everywhere right away. They worked their way in, filling the gaps in places they were designed to. One by one, they took up space, and soon enough saying your boss was a robot wasn’t a farfetched exclamation.

As is a human’s nature, it was only a matter of time until someone found out how to make a drug out of it; a cheap, synthetic mashup of chemicals that happened to work out when someone learned adding a drop of thirium to your cooking added a bit of spice to the high. Soon enough, it was common; rolled into cigarettes, powdered over a bowl of weed or laced into whatever else you might want, just to try. Once was enough. Leo didn’t need a second chance at convincing himself to do something he wanted to in the moment, whether it was for the better or not. It was there, something of an opportunity, and not one he wanted to miss out on, something he’d convinced himself was worthwhile as soon as he took that first hit.

Days went by, but he never felt like he was aging. “Growing up” was a term he’d never understood, not the way other people talked about it, so he’d laugh, roll a spliff and light it, ignoring the entirety of his neglected childhood while the static of friendly chatter filled his ears.

Friends and girlfriends came and left. Gala appeared to be an inconsistent consistency, seeming to always be there whether he needed her to or not. Usually, it was too often, as she was sinister and conniving when she was under the influence—most people were, but the way she acted when she’d started sobering up was nothing short of a surprise to him. There were two sides to every coin, he’d learned and known well, but it goes to show how much he didn’t really connect to anyone once he realized he never really knew her, dating or not.

Part of him convinced himself he enjoyed the nasty personality, of course. Nothing wasn’t sexy about a badass bitch that wouldn’t take any shit, and she’d protected him for a long time, if only because no one else would. Leo had always known he was lucky from the way she looked at him, the stars in her eyes and the tender touches, graced by the marks of vicious claws that raked his back or across his face, depending on the day. She could purr, but it was her yowls he liked the best, and it was likely all situational; where there were drugs, there were parties, and youth like the two of them tended to get wily in the absence of real responsibility and caretaking.

“Do you remember how we met?” Her voice was so sweet when it wasn’t crackled by the cigarettes and the smoke; he could hardly believe it.

“Sure, the water tower,” he responded, thinking back.

“You bet me fifty bucks to jump off.” A gleaming smile and the glisten in her eyes that made him feel like he’d walked through heaven’s golden gates.

“Because I knew you would,” she taunted with a crinkle in her nose that always made him smile.

“That’s kinda morbid,” he carried on with a chuckle.

“Talk about first impressions. Mine was, ‘I’ll do something stupid and deadly for money.’” He flashed a smile back at her, but they always felt so cheesy in comparison. Leo never liked his own smiles, as he knew they looked as painfully forced as they were; someone that would hardly find anything to smile about had to work his way around somehow.

“And you would have, too, if Trevor wasn’t there to stop you. I could have killed you the first night we met!” Her voice was light and airy as she let out another wicked chuckle, as another thing they’d always connected on was that morbid humor.

“Yeah, well, so could a determined raccoon or a falling chunk of a plane. If that was how I was supposed to go out…” He leaned back in the chair with a shrug and a huff, baring his teeth a bit too much in his smile. She liked the little snarl in his expressions, anyway.

“Guess I would have been on the news for a bit. Five minutes of fame and all that.” She shook her head, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear absent-mindedly.

“You know, I wouldn’t have expected you to be so…” He winced at his own word choice, but he wasn’t exactly a great thesaurus.

“Nice.” At this she let out a cackle, still whimsical but also holding the years he’d gone through of literal hell within her, almost witchlike in its nature. It made him feel meek, but that was part of what he enjoyed; that rather than feeling challenged or some other toxic masculinity-induced negativity, he could appreciate the power she had in the way she walked, spoke and dressed with such confidence he’d never be able to imagine the feeling of.

“Oh, Leo…” biting her lip, she tilted her head and glanced to the ceiling as she thought of what to say next.

“You know how easy it is to be mean. Nobody listens to kind voices these days.” Acknowledging the seriousness in her tone, he settled himself down, scooting his chair forward and directing his attention to her to assure he listened – for both their sake.

“But being a bitch…I guess it worked for me, but it really didn’t. It’s not like me. I had to do it to protect myself, you know? Sorry you only knew the worst me.” Returning a solemn gaze, he nodded, finding an automatic guidance to his hand as it reached for hers, matching palm-to-palm before they entwined fingers. Meeting with her again had gone much better than he initially thought or expected. Waving their hands back and forth, she smiled, then sighed, letting the light of her expression go as she glanced off to the side.

“Yeah, that’s more of your sister’s thing,” he slipped in slyly, and she smirked at him in response.

“Really, though, I get it,” he redirected.

“I don’t know. It’s fucked up. Nothing was really real, when we were there. None of the drugs, or the people, or anything.” Slowly nodding, she accepted what he was saying, drumming her long fingernails across the back of his knuckles in a rhythm.

“It didn’t have to be,” she said in a quieter voice, melancholic in tone.

“It was enough for us. It always feels like it is. I thought cheating, lying and stealing would get me what I want. I thought it would make me happy.” As her comment hit home, it was his turn to retract and look off to the side, shoulders shrugging up as his body receded into itself the way he often did when he felt small.

“I know, I know,” she said in acknowledgement to his personal situation with a little sigh.

“I, uhm, never got the chance to say it, but I’m sorry about your dad. I know the relationship was complicated, but you tried your best.” Leo seemed surprised to find himself gritting his teeth, finding anger to be his first response in regard to his own father.

“I wish I could say sorry to him, too,” she added.

“For being a bitch.” Leo grimaced.

“Oh, trust me, me too,” he said with a dry laugh, but the smile wasn’t there.

“I’ve mostly uh, gotten over it. I mean, I know I’ll never be over it or whatever they tell you in therapy? But he… wasn’t really the type to hold grudges,” he said kindly, glancing down at the table wood with a sigh.

“I know that feeling guilty isn’t gonna help me, and he’d know that, too. I know he wouldn’t want me to. He was…a cool guy,” he murmured, trying to form the personality in his head that was the father figure he’d seen off and on throughout his life.

“Smarter than balls, man. Why couldn’t I have some of that?” Huffing, he felt familiar frustrations crawl into his mind again; she withdrew her hand from his to gently squeeze his shoulder, offering a sympathetic gaze.

“No, see, this is what gets me,” he corrected himself, only looking at her for a second before the fidgeting portion of his mind took over  and he started chewing down a thumbnail.

“Every time I think about him, I just get mad. I get angry, and jealous, and for what? He’s dead.” His words were heavy, and while he meant to weigh them as a self-reminder, he knew he was being a bit too harsh with his tongue.

“Leo, your life wasn’t fair, and you feel like he’d taken everything good from you.” To his surprise, she didn’t miss a beat, and he couldn’t help the validation feeling nice.

“You’re jealous from seeing a person thrive with tools you could have had, only to hang them above your head. Whether he meant to or not.” Leo ran a hand through his hair, shifting in his seat with an antsy shrug.

“I was always so convinced he hated me. That he ignored me all my life, you know? That I was the problem…no, no, it was just the drugs. It was always the drugs, and I couldn’t get off of them. And now he’s dead.” With worry in her eyes, she gave him a gentle shove in the shoulder, knowing he’d appreciate the rough play for what it was.

“That’s not your fault. If he was the way you talk about him, then…he’d know you’re doing your best now, and probably wouldn’t think it was too late.” Propping her chin on a hand, she tilted her head with a slight smile, enough to be supportive without coming across as overbearing or intrusive.

“I messed up my whole life, Gala. All my chances, right down the drain. I don’t know why I think it matters if I clean up now,” he groused, scratching the back of his neck as he stared at one of the fixtures on the wall.

“Of course it matters. You could sober up when you’re fifty and he’d still roll in his grave, you know it.” Closing his eyes, he let his head drop with an awkward laugh before he glanced back up at her. This smile was a touch more genuine.

“Because he wouldn’t believe it,” he said in a quiet whisper, threatened by the sting of tears and quickly wiping his eyes with the back of a sweater sleeve. Wanting to be supportive without getting too close, she combed back some of his hair, nearly leaning in to kiss his temple before re-deciding, considering they’d just started talking again and things were rocky; the last thing she wanted was to make him uncomfortable.

“I don’t know how you do it, the alter-ego thing.” The subject change was swift, but luckily for him, they were both used to his conversational ways of switching context without much warning.

“I can’t keep track of what personality I do have. How do you… choose?” Looking dismal, she withdrew her hand without much thought, settling it folded across her other on the table as she mulled over the idea.

“It’s just acting. I know on stage, I’m nothing more than a toy that makes money for doing cool tricks. On the streets, I had to be mean or I’d be taken advantage of. Do you know how vulnerable people like me are to rape and kidnapping?” She popped her lips in a quick sound of wanting to avoid the subject herself, expression unimpressed as she glanced at the time on her phone.

“Whatever. There’s nothing to keep track of, I just acted how I needed to for the moment. I’m sure you understand that.” Slouching sheepishly, he tilted his head with an expression that showed he was trying to comprehend her words, but still clearly struggled, listening intently anyway.

“I’m glad you don’t have to change your personality on a whim, Leo. People may think you’re boring, or aggressive, but I know there’s more to you than that.” The compliments always left him feeling stiff and awkward however, as he never had any reason to believe them, and still didn’t.

“I don’t,” he admitted blatantly. She glared at him with a stare that told she knew all too well.

“You haven’t had a chance to grow, Leo. You have to give yourself that chance now.” Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper, catching his attention in a way he felt like cotton stuffed his sinuses.

“It doesn’t matter what time it is, or how late into your life you are. I know, it sucks, right? Being almost thirty and trying to pick up the pieces now?” They shared a laugh, but he didn’t feel much better.

“It helps me to think it could be worse. My situation isn’t great either, as you know, but I can’t dwell on the last ten years of my life thinking about how I wasted the last 29 either.” With his eyes lighting up in realization, he couldn’t help standing from his seat, aggressively slamming a hand onto the table in regard to the epiphany alone. She’d probably have looked surprised if she wasn’t used to that, too, glancing up at him with lifted eyebrows as she awaited the explanation.

“Oh, my god, your birthday,” he said in a panic.

“That’s in like, a week! I didn’t even think about it,” he continued, rubbing his forehead as he turned to start pacing. Gripping the back of his shirt, she tugged him back, careful so as not to snag a nail on the cloth.

“Shut up, Leo,” she said abruptly so that it would work, and so he’d turned to face her, silent and dumbfound.

“I’m having a party downtown, but I didn’t invite you because I know you can’t handle the scene right now. Don’t worry about gifts. It’s alright.” Feeling nervous, he tapped his fingertips against the leg of his jeans while he swerved in place, shaking his head with a sigh.

“Doesn’t it drive you nuts?” His voice was becoming fast and erratic again, a worrying sign for her.

“How can you stay out there, a-and do that? I know you have to, but the androids are gonna take your place anyway. Why not just quit?” He knew the question was as stupid as he felt asking it, but he genuinely wanted to hear her piece.

“I’m looking for other money, but it’s hard to come by. This is what I’m good at, another thing taken away by picture-perfect plastic models.” The spite was clear in her voice, and he couldn’t help being empathetic, as they’d dealt with the same problem even if in different aspects of their lives.

“Can’t say androids ever did it for me,” he thought aloud.

“I mean, they’re not that sexy, and I bet nothing feels the same anyway.” There was a slight blush to his cheeks from talking about it, gaze otherwise solemn as he continued staring at the tabletop wood.

“It doesn’t matter. Perverts will always try to get what they can for cheap,” she retorted.

“Luckily for me, renting them is still fairly expensive and it’s cheaper to throw pocket change into my thong instead. But that won’t last long.” Dumbfounded, he stared at her.

“I couldn’t do it,” he said with a stagnant air of doubt.

“Trying to keep the same life without doing the same shit?” Scratching his forehead, he shook his head and shrugged, genuinely baffled.

“How do you stay away from the stuff?” Staring off to the side again, she shrugged one shoulder, slouching into it as she veered her body language that direction, leaning forward and settling into her chair.

“I don’t,” she replied simply, her voice quiet and calm.

“It’s always there and you have no idea how hard it is. But if I don’t keep up the bills, I don’t have a place to stay, and neither does my sister.” Sharing a pained expression, Leo paused in a moment of thought so as not to pick at old scabs, sighing and nodding all the while he digested the information.

“I wish I could help, but Markus doesn’t want anything getting in the way of my recovery.”

“I understand,” she offered softly.

“I’m not about to ask anyone for money or favors, especially after what I did to you.” Struck by what she said, he froze, eyes darting to her while he remained still for a moment. Again, she surprised him, as he’d never expected her to own up to such a thing, feeling old memories tug strings of nostalgia within him while he waited for his own thoughts to recollect.

“I guess I deserved it,” he murmured, prompting a stern glare from her.

“We aren’t counting faults,” she said in an almost snappy voice, tapping the table with a loud click of her nails so as to catch his attention and distract him from whatever nastiness he might start thinking.

Their oppositional personalities reflected the irony; I couldn’t do it, they’d say to one another about a situation they were somewhat living in, but mostly differed from. He couldn’t be around the drugs; she couldn’t break away from them. She wanted to live the most out of her life in the time she could, while he felt like he had more time to live than he knew what to do with. Mostly, they were both trying to find a lifestyle they found comfort in that was exciting enough to keep them away from substance abuse, and that was what he tried to think of when she insisted not to hold grudges or hurt feelings.

“Okay but it was like, really fucked up. We were, I mean.” She cast him a dismal glare that held a seriousness to it that could be intimidating, if one weren’t set in their own ego well enough. Having momentarily forgotten touchy subjects were a thing, he retreated into his seat as he thought over his words.

“Sorry…but I mean it. I think about the shit I’ve done every day. I can’t get rid of it.” Starting to jitter one of his legs, he shifted to lean back, raking his hands up his thighs before he stood up with a sigh.

“You have to forgive yourself, too, Leo.”

“That’s enough,” he snapped immediately, stopping in place as he glared at her with a meaner expression than he intended to.

“I don’t wanna talk about this shit anymore, and it comes up every time,” he said with a notable agitated whine in his voice, fingers finding themselves in his hair as he lacked another way to relieve the stress.

“Because it’s important, and you can’t keep avoiding it. Especially if you want to recover, and I know you do. It’s serious.” Wobbling in his stance, he almost lost his balance, seething silently while he felt anger bubble up beneath his skin again. If he didn’t cut this short now, it wouldn’t end well; he knew it, and he was sure she did, too.

“I’m working on it at my own pace, okay? You’re not my therapist! You and Markus always act like you know what’s best for me, and I barely know either of you. I know what’s important! It’s not like I haven’t been told my entire life what I’m supposed to do, or how I’m supposed to feel! I just, I haven’t figured that out yet, and I, I can’t do this. Not now, not yet.” After pacing back and forth a few more times, he finally turned to face her, letting his arms fall at his sides.

“I’ve…still got so much to work on,” he murmured under his breath, rubbing an arm and averting his gaze as the embarrassment tinged his cheeks flush and warm.

“And that’s just something I never figured out how to get past. It’s not that easy, or I’d have done it already.” Gala offered him no words, only letting their body language steer them together until she could pull him in for a long hug.

“I know that telling you that stuff isn’t going to make it easier or make you want to do it any more, so I’m not sure why I do.”

For the most part, he wasn’t sure why he didn’t listen, but it was something he’d always had difficulty with. Waving her off dismissively, he decided not to reply, before gesturing towards the front room.

“Let’s call it a night, I’m getting tired,” he offered. She couldn’t help peering at him beneath heavy, knowing, decorated eyelids, aware he’s used that excuse when he didn’t want to talk about something since they’d met, but knew better than to refuse him. Pulling the long strap of her purse up over her shoulder, she stood up to leave.

They lingered too long, too close, staring each other in the eyes too deeply for too many seconds, frozen in time as they were both lost in a moment of nostalgia, reminiscing old times, remembering the best and the worst in a shared moment of silence. Leo’s hands almost settled on her hips as he nearly followed the desire to pull her into a kiss, but in a last-ditch effort to neglect the urge, he turned around and sighed, opening the door to the tall stairway and gesturing for her to go through it. Somewhat hurt, but understanding, her gaze slowly trailed to the ground before she stepped through to leave.

“Goodnight,” she sung quietly in his direction before he’d closed the door.

[ereri-fanfics]

Any fanfics with no sex, FLUFFY, long, and with a small or big plot?? ♡

[I know you asked for long fics but I also found a lot of short ones so I’ll throw them in as a bonus! And also, some are platonic but I thought maybe that would be okay, I apologize if that isn’t something you wanted!]

Multichap.:

My Sunshine by pomodoro

“A werewolf, huh? Haven’t seen one of you in a long time.”

As the boy didn’t react to his movements he took a few steps, lifting him off the cold ground, ignoring the two other larger bumps in the snow.

It was very unlikely that he would make it but the raven didn’t like unnecessary deaths, especially if he was the one who could have prevented them.

Pressing the shaking form closer to his chest, he took off his cape, wrapping it around the cold boy. Only time could tell what would happen to him.

Daycare Daddy by careforsometeaeren

Levi is a single dad who works as Vice President at Trost Corps with no time to take care of his daughter. Every daycare he goes to doesn’t quite meet his standards…that is until he sees Jaeger’s ChildCare Center.

It All Comes Tumbling Down by crescendoh

When Levi accepted to work part-time in an orphanage, it was mainly because the paid was great and Petra insisted that the kids there were adorable little buns.

Levi knew Petra lied to him when he saw the same brown-haired brat trying to escape during nap time.

“Eren, you have exactly five minutes to get back here and apologise before I’m picking you up.”

Eren only climbed the grills faster.

Beauty From Playground by rimle

From his window, Levi can see children run around on the playground nearby. He has never been there, never played with other children.

Until he meets Eren, a boy who smiles at him when no one else does. And for some reason, Eren wants to be his friend.

Or: a childhood au where Levi lives with his mom, Eren is a smart kid, and everything’s adorable.

Down The Hall by Pas_dAutres

If Levi thinks Hanji is insufferable enough to be sharing an apartment with, then he has another thing coming when her new sublet moves in. Unpredictable, sloppy, and way too sprightly for Levi’s sanity. That’s fine, he can handle it. Just stay out of each other’s way and both parties will come out unharmed.

With the way thing’s are progressing however, he’s finding it pretty darn difficult in steering clear of Eren’s paths.

Sweet, Simple, Love by TitanSlayer

Ever since Carla Jäger died, his father Grisha couldn’t take care of Eren anymore. So he entrusted Levi with his little child.It’s not always that easy for Levi to go to school, to keep and eye on Eren and to work on the weekends.

He never thought he would have a little kid in his apartment someday. But he loves Eren deeply and no one would take him away from him.

Together With You, For My Sake and Yours by LadyofHylia

They may not be related by blood, but Eren cared for Levi as if they were. Any passerby could tell that the little boy in Eren’s arms felt the same way. They certainly didn’t choose this path in life, but they were making it the best life they could. Together.

Single:

Marry Me! by Jaegerschnitzel

Little first grader Levi is bored with his last name. He hates it. After a wild suggestion from his cousin, Petra, Levi’s mission is to marry someone with a cool last name.Armin is a teacher, Eren sketches in class, Mikasa is out for blood, and everyone loves gay first graders.

You Are Pretty by AnimeCurie

Eren or Levi…who is more pretty?

Case With Cats by Jeageractive

Levi makes the sacrifice for Eren. For Eren and his shitty obsession with kittens.

Or;

Levi’s super allergic to cats and Eren’s super in love with cats and it becomes a super big problem.

Flower Crowns by SugarRose22

Little Eren and Levi love each other lots.

As Stubborn As Always by SugarRose22

“Morning Erwin, Hanji.” Eren said, grinning as he passed them.

“Hi, Eren!” Came Hanji’s cheery greeting.

“Morning, Eren.” Erwin’s voice was low and sounded exasperated. Eren raised a brow, pausing to look back at the pain.

“Something wrong?” He asked. He’d woken up just half an hour ago, so if something was wrong he didn’t know about it. Was there a problem?

Erwin sighed and Hanji just smiled slightly.

“Levi won’t come out of his Titan.”

Love In The Dark by Blank4

Eren has been blind since birth, everyone leaves him alone at some point. All except one.

The Big, Bad Wolf by SugarRose22

Levi’s low growl filled Eren’s ears. “Don’t even think about it.”Eren grinned. “Too late.” And he began to pet the huge black wolf laying beside him.

Five Years by ichigoangel

Eren and Levi have been in a long-distance relationship for five years, and the day finally arrives where they get to meet in real life.

Pastel Suns by slowlysaturn

Eren is the pastel-wearing math lover who gets picked on for his baby blue nails and cute bow ties, but can pack in a good punch when needed. Levi is the vice captain of the volleyball team who neglects his studies for volleyball training. When Levi turns the corner at school one morning to see Eren standing there with a bloodied fist and tears on his face, wiped away by pastel blue nails, Levi finds his heart jumping in his chest.

Levi’s Morning Coffee by Sabrinanikkol

Levi hates mornings with a burning passion and can’t live without his morning coffee. Eren is an annoyingly cheery barista who always serves him.

To Have And To Possibly-Maybe Hold by Yuu_chi

Levi had to keep reminding himself that this was Eren, and he loved the man dearly, and shoving him out of bed to crack his head open probably wasn’t conducive to a happy long-term relationship.

Chance by galaxystiel

“So I can bring my date, right?” The words came out before Eren could even attempt to hold them back. He didn’t have a date, what the hell had he said that for?

Eren invented himself a boyfriend for a dinner with his friends and his ex-boyfriend. Now he just has to find one, and fast.

Love Like Lightning by inkshaming

In which Levi is the last one to figure things out.

Levi froze on the spot, and it had nothing to do with the temperature. “In love?” he repeated. The words, coming from his mouth, sounded oddly hollow.

“Yeah, love,” Hanji said. “You know, when your stomach feels funny and sparks start flying and all that serotonin and dopamine and OxyClean starts whizzing around your brain…”

“Sounds like a bad flu,” Levi replied, forcing himself stiffly into motion again. “And it’s not OxyClean, it’s –”

“Kinda like you and Eren,” Hanji continued, not even phased.

Levi almost slipped on slick ice. “Me and Eren?” he choked.

Mean Little Kitty by SugarRose22

Levi hates everyone but Eren.

What’s Cookin’ Good Lookin’? by mybrainproblems

Three weeks ago the cops turned up to arrest their neighbors in a big round up of a major heroin ring. Now there are some new tenants moving in and those two seem nice enough but the really hot guy with the tattoos is a little scary and oh shit, he might be a drug dealer.

aka “I think my hot neighbor is cooking meth with his weird friends”

[littledonkeyburrito]

My neighbours seeing me naked all the time

1. What gives you anxiety? Having to go do something new

2. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? Are you kidding me, I fucking love google maps

3. Were you tired when you woke up this morning? I was when I woke up at 11, but not after I went back to sleep and woke up again at 2pm.

4. When you watch the news, how does it effect your mood? Depends on the news, but it generally has a negative impact. That’s why I avoid watching it.

5. Have you ever taken an online IQ test? What was the result? I actually took a real IQ test once but I was 11 and didn’t know that’s the test I was taking. I think the results came back as the high end of average. When I was in grade 5 I was almost constantly fighting with my best friend at the time, Dylan. It was stressing me out so I asked my mum if I could talk to someone at the school for help so she set me up with one of the school counsellors, I think his name was something like Mr Zagini or Mr Zagami (I remember his two nicknames being Mr zucchini and Mr salami). Anyway, it was mostly stuff I already knew but I got to skip class sometimes for our sessions. I didn’t continue sessions with him in grade 6 (I don’t know why), but he came to me one time and was like “hey I want to do this series of tests with you, are you okay with that?” and I was like “yeah sure” so I did them. Just a bunch of little lateral thinking puzzles which I was well used to doing, due to having been part of the school’s “gifted and talented” program (the instructor of which committed suicide a few years later after the cops found out he was into child porn, but that’s a story for another time I guess) since I was 6 years old. I feel like if I took an IQ test these days I would probably come back as squarely average. I don’t feel that smart since I hit adulthood.

6. Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you? There was that one time someone broke into my house and stole my potatoes.

7. Can you hear anything right now? A group of drunk people from the bars downstairs

8. Have you ever been to a wedding? A few family weddings, yeah. Next year I will be a groomsman for my friend/old flatmate.

9. What is your favourite kind of pasta? I prefer rice noodles tbh

10. Are you proud of who you are? Sometimes

11. Would you prefer an ice cream sundae or an ice cream cone? Sundae.

12. What time is it? 12:03am

13. Are you good at giving directions? If I have a map, or know where I am, yeah

14. Do you own any Sims games? Which ones? Sims 3, plus pets and supernatural expansions.

15. What is your favourite kind of fruit juice? Probably orange

16. Have you worn a necklace today? I haven’t worn a necklace in years

17. Do your parents smoke cigarettes? Unusually, neither of my parents ever got into smoking

18. What is the color of the curtains in the room you’re in right now? No curtains. I just deal with my neighbours seeing me naked all the time

19. How many instruments do you own/have you owned? Now I just have one guitar but over the years I’ve had 2 acoustic guitars, 2 electric guitars, 2 ukuleles, a bass guitar, a glockenspiel, a full size electric piano, an electric drum kit and an acoustic drum kit.

20. What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? "Netflix”

21. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Tarantula.

22. Who’s the fifth contact in your phonebook? My aunt

23. If you had to text them something now what would you say? I would say that I’m probably coming back to australia in january and that we should have a family gathering

24. Should you be in bed right now? I haven’t had a bedtime since I was like 13

25. Do you know anyone that has the same birthday? A sort-of-friend’s boyfriend who is also the ex of the girlfriend of one of my best friends. But he’s a year or two younger than me.

26. Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? I’ve tried both and established that my preference is definitely taller.

27. Do you acknowledge your feelings or ignore them? Depends on the feeling but generally suppress, bottle and ignore.

28. When was the last time someone saw you naked? Back in panama. God, it’s been slow since I’ve been home

29. How would you describe your current mood? Is tipsy a mood?

30. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? Whenever I last got very drunk probably

31. What was the last thing you lied about? I generally don’t like lying so the last time was probably when I was telling my travel group in central america that I had never slept with the tour guide.

32. Where is your favorite place to have sex? Uhh a bed I guess. Although that one time I fooled around in the back of a car was pretty fun too.

33. Do you ever drink or get high alone? I tried getting high alone once and that was no fun. Drunk, yes, like once a week.

34. What type of a drunk are you? Happy and fun

35. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? I generally don’t tell guys that I like them. Although tbh I generally don’t develop actual feeling for them so...

36. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? I think that was when a friend had his appendix out and a group of us went to see him. The time before that was a fair bit more distressing though. 

36. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? The worst is probably coke. I will never ever ever try meth or heroin. Those are just a baaaaad idea. Nothing that I specifically want to try.

37. When was the last time you were up all night and why? Up the whole night would have been my last night shift in australia. Although there’s been several times since then that I’ve been up until 3am or even sunrise on a night out.

38. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? I have absolutely no idea

39. Where did your last injury come from? Uhhh I think my last “injury” was about a month ago when I cut my thumb on a beer can. Hardly an injury though.

40. Where do you like to be kissed? Tbh I quite like being kissed on the neck

41. You have 5 minutes - grab 3 snacks from the grocery store. What are they? A bunch of mandarins, a pack of chips and a block of chocolate probably

42. Dancing, acting, and singing - which two are you best at? None of the above

43. Deep fried Oreos & deep fried pickles - would you try either? I’d try either at least once

44. Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for a potential partner. Funny and cute I think.

45. Snow or sand? Soda or juice? Cake or cookies? Royalty or immortality? Snow, soda, cake, immortality.

46. Which is more important to you: make-up or hair? Hair.

47. What is one tradition that you and your family have? Do you enjoy it? Generally my brother and I spend christmas morning at mum’s house and have breakfast with her and then head to dad’s for the afternoon/evening and have his big full roast christmas dinner with him and sometimes a couple of his friends.

48. You can go back in time & change something in your Mom’s past - what is it? I think I would somehow try to give her more self esteem as a teenager. Or maybe I’d have stopped that one boyfriend from breaking up with her to move to sydney, after which she cried for at least a week. Idk I think I’d have tried to make her see that he was kind of a douche and not worth her time because she only deserves the absolute best.

49. Money doesn’t matter - choose a vacation destination and pick your party: If money is no issue then I would travel from alaska all the way down to the southern-most tip of argentina with whoever wants to join for a section. IRL I kinda plan on travelling mexico to argentina in a year or so anyway.

50. Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? No. I mean, they’d probably be mildly confused as to why I was researching when the shower was invented but it’s not like they’d care.

51. Flip your arm over - can you see your veins? No because I’m wearing a jumper and can’t see my skin through the sleeve obvs.

52. Pick a movie at least 5 years old that you absolutely love: Love and Other Drugs

53. Do you ever buy snacks at the movie theater? What do you get? Sometimes I did in australia but I never do here. I always have dinner beforehand and then just buy a bottle of water from the grocery store next door to take into the theatre. 

54. When was the last time you had to jump? Jump? Uhhhh ... I didn’t have to but I jumped off the front of the boat into the ocean while I was in the San Blas Islands off Panama a couple of months ago. 

55. At what time does it start getting dark where you live? Currently it gets dark around 5:30pm

56. Which is worse: dusting or mopping? I’m not sure I’ve ever dusted in my life.

57. Peanut butter VS. Caramel - which side are you on? Depends on context but probably usually caramel.

58. Have you ever complained to a manager about anything? What was it? I argued with some bond cleaners a bit over a year ago. I didn’t ask to, but I spoke to the manager and I ended up winning the argument.

59. Any idea where the shirt you’re wearing was made? Take a guess. I don’t know, China? Actually, none of the labels seem to specify where it was made.

60. Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? No because our lifestyles wouldn’t match up.

61. Are you “with” the very last person you kissed? No

62. Ever dated/kissed a someone with the name Casey, Tyler, Ryan, Jordan, Colton, Rebecca, Samantha, Lauren, Taylor, or Ashley? That’s so specific. I think I’ve kissed a rebecca.

63. Was your last kiss, standing up, sitting down, or lying down? Standing up, saying goodbye at the hotel room door.

64. Are you happy with the choices you’ve made? In general, yeah

65. Are you excited for anything? Well, I’m going to Paris next week.

66. Do you hate the last person you kissed? No.

67. You’re stuck in an elevator with one of your worst enemies, what do you do? Scroll through facebook/instagram/whatever on my phone.

68. Will this weekend be a good one? The weekend is over.

69. Do you like to listen to the radio in the car? Nah, I listen to my iPod in the car and the radio at work. I mean, y’know, when I had a car and a job.

70. Do you sleep with a fan on? I literally don’t even have a fan

71. How is your hair right now? In need of a cut.

72. Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? No.

73. How many windows are open on your computer? 1 window, 4 tabs.

74. How tall are you? ~5′3″ but I slouch

75. Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before? Yeah but tbh I don’t really understand the appeal unless you plan on fucking in the shower which sounds slippery and dangerous.

76. Is your hair clean? Almost always

77. What are you drinking right now? Nothing.

78. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Yes, unless I’m in a bus or sometimes I don’t when I’m in a country where the law doesn’t make you wear one. Eg in some countries cabs will have sheets covering the back seats so even if you want to put on the seatbelt you can’t because the clip thing is covered up and you can’t access it.

79. Does someone have feelings for you? Doubt it

80. Have you ever been cheated on? Pretty sure, yeah

81. Are you hard to please? Not at all

82. What are you craving right now? TRAVEL

83. How are you feeling right now? A bit cold

84. What color shirt are you wearing? Tshirt is orange and white. Jumper over it is grey with white stripes.

85. Who is the last person you got a message from? @aturinfortheworse

86. Are you excited for winter? Only if I get to go somewhere with snow (unlikely). I love the cold when I’m actually out and about and doing things but when I’m just sitting at home doing nothing and my feet are so cold they’re in physical pain then I don’t enjoy it so much. This is only a thing I’ve realised recently.

87. When are you at your happiest? When I’m travelling and having adventures.

88. Do you live alone? Yep

89. What do you do to pass time? Netflix, video games, tumblr 90. Do you go clubbing on weekends? When I live in the same city as my friends, sometimes

91. Twin bed, or other? Maybe a couch? What is this even asking? I have a king size bed currently 92. What are three things, that are not hygiene related you do every single day? Eat, check facebook, charge my phone 93. Are you addicted to anything drug like? No. 94. Did you pull a senior prank? They weren’t allowed at my school, but I don’t think I’d have cared enough anyway 95. Did you graduate? Highschool, yes. Uni, no.

96. Any goals? Live comfortably (with a job) in a country other than Australia, preferably a spanish speaking country.

97. Do you miss being a kid? In some ways yes, like not having responsibilities. In other ways no, like not getting laid... I mean, not that I’m getting laid now either...

98. Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious realfionship? Never had a serious relationship. 99. Do you have any tattoos? No. 100. Regrets? Nah. No point regretting things. Just learn and move on.

[laniegabrielle]

If only life had a rewind button......

If there was a rewind button in life, I spend my last dollar for the rest of my life just to go back and tell my deddy how much I love/loved him. Here is my life lesson and experience with addiction that changed my life forever.

After all the craziness about addiction on social media, I just wanna say that never ever take your loved ones for granted no matter how much it seems hopeless to be there for them. The recent events and posts I’ve seen have brought up unpleasant memories for me and I can’t get it off my mind. I was bitter about addiction, I would be the first to say how stupid and how my dad loved pain killers more than he loved me. I was angry and resentful towards him. All the broken promises, all the times he never showed up to see me, missed birthdays and Christmas. I wanted so bad for him to be there for not only myself but more importantly my sister. See Alexis was the soft hearted one, no matter what she was daddy’s girl. She showed her love as a daughter despite all the broken promises. She was there for him when I wouldn’t answer phone calls or messages, she assured him that she would always be there no matter what. This is the story of how my bitterness turned into empathy for drug addicts.

In November of 2012 I started level three Drug Court Classes. For having 4 Minor and Consumption Charges back to back.. I was 19 years old and just like to party. I never done drugs or seen drugs in my life. I experimented with pot and “fake weed” but that’s it. I myself and everyone in the class with me was so confused why I skipped level one and two for such a small charge. Everyone in the class had meth, heroin, crack etc charges. They had lost their kids, homes, life in general. Some had been addicted for 30 plus years and some had OD’ed more times then they could remember. I was sittin there wondering “what in the hell am I doing here” little did I know that God put me there for one of the most important lessons of my life. I was headed down a bad road and he knew that what I was about to go through that I’d need more than enough help to keep me from the edge.

I was in my second month of classes. I had told my story about my dad. I had listened to these other parents that chose drugs over their kids, I herd the hurt in their voice. I felt the pain of the fight they were fighting with their self. Still I resented my own father for his choices.

On December 8th 2012, I never imagined That it would be one of the worst days of my life. I got a call saying I needed to go to my moms. The sound of my Pawpaws voice in that phone call haunts me. I knew something was wrong. They sat me and my sister down, and the words “Jeremy is gone” came out. I sat there in shock as my sister broke down like I’ve never seen before. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe, I felt like my world had just started crumbling around me. Why was I so hurt? Why did I feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest? I “hated him”. Reality hit me, square in the damn face.

He was only 38 years old, so young. Still had so much to live for. He was going to miss out on his first grand kids. He was going to miss out on seeing me and my sister happy. My emotions were all mixed together. I was angry at myself the most for not doing something before it was to late.

The last thing I got to say to my deddy was that “I couldn’t stand him and I never wanted to speak to him again”. It’s something I will regret the rest of my life. Little did I know he was fighting a battle much stronger than pain killers, heroin had done took over his life and all he wanted was to know that he had something worth fighting for. And I never got the chance to tell him he did!

I was 19 years old, my dad never remarried after divorcing my mom so everything was left up to me. Decisions, funeral costs. Everything. I couldn’t hardly catch my breath how on earth would I plan a funeral? I decided that the last thing I could do for my deddy would be strong for my sister. Everyone was telling me how strong I was and how proud they was of me. But little did they know in my mind I was dying, gasping for air. I was drowning in Regret, sorrow and grief. We buried him on December 13th 2012. The 2nd worst day of my life.

The day I went back to class, the teacher asked me before class if I’d like to share what I had experienced the last two weeks. And I decided that is exactly what I wanted to do. I went in sat down, Mrs.Shirley (teacher) said “okay we’re are going to start with lanie today. She has something she wants to share with you all.” This is the moment I realized exactly why I was put in that class full of addicts. Full of people that had chosen drugs over their children many times.

I looked up trying my hardest to hold back tears, and said “I just had to bury my dad from a overdose.” The looks on their faces are still stuck in my mind! I said ” I know what y’all are thinking. Why am I so upset after everything I’ve said about him in this class. How much I hated him?”. “Truth is I loved him, I loved him so much!” The room was silent. I went into say ” This is why I’m in this class with you all, God put me here so that you could see the hurt your putting your own children through. He put me here to save your life.” “He also put me here to see the ugly side of addiction, the side people are blind to. Your side of the battle” At this point the tears were pouring down my face, I was hysterical. I went on to say ” THIS IS WHAT YOUR GOING TO DO TO YOUR CHILDREN! If you keep on choosing that drug, your next high might be your last. Your kids may resent you now. You may think they could careless but I promise you THEY WILL HURT!” By now everyone has tears running down their face.

One man walked over to me (he was a heroin addict) he put his arm around me and said “your daddy loved you too, just the same as I love my children. Thank you for being strong enough to give me the wake up call I needed” One lady that had been using crack for over 20 years looked at me and said “she felt my heart breaking to pieces just in my voice, out of all the treatments and rehabs she had never truly been moved or reached to like I had her that day” I know this lady and have spoke to her regularly since 2012 and she’s has been clean since graduating the class. She has her life back, her kids, grand kids and living the life she missed out on for all those years. THAT IS A MIRACLE IN ITS SELF! If my story only helps one person at least that’s one persons life I helped get back!! And I believe that is amazing.

A few months went by, I had learned more about addiction than I could ever imagine. The day I graduated Mrs.Shirley told me “God knew what he was doing sending me to her class. She had learned more from me than any amount of years in school or number of addiction classes she taught in 15 years”

I wish everyone that feels addiction is a excuse could just take the time to learn, open their hearts and see that no one wakes up one day and says “You know what I think I’ll become a addict today”. The mind is a powerful weapon.

This is not a post to condone addicts. By no means am I trying to give excuses or sugar coat the fact that they have a problem. You can’t help anyone that doesn’t want help. They made a choice, but the mistake they made has turned into a lifestyle that the devil has taken over. We all make mistakes, we all sin in different ways.

I beg you all to show empathy to those fighting addiction and ones fighting to keep their love ones alive. It’s a tough road. It’s a battle I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I hate heroin, I hate drugs. I Pray that one day the epidemic will Diminish.

I just felt it was the right time to share my experience and my story. I’ve cried till I could barely type, writing this. For those that have wanted to make ignorant statements regarding addiction I hope this changes yall perspective.

•Maybe this post can reach someone needing to know they are not alone or reach a child of addiction that doesn’t realize tomorrow isn’t promised And all that resentment and anger will only lead to regret when it’s too late. I wouldn’t wish the pain of regret that I live with everyday on anyone.

#addictionisreal #gethelp #addiction #heroin #saynotodrugs #bekind #fighttheaddiction #substanceabuse #substanceabuseawareness

[dires]

My acid experience;

To start off, I don’t think you can prepare anyone for such an experience. I’ve never dabbled in hallucinogens before, so this was my first time with anything like this. I’ve tried a few drugs now. For my own record (recreational usage): Weed, (dabs), percocet, xanax, hydrocodone, morphine, spice (worst experience ever), molly (didn’t really feel anything?), and now acid. I never thought I would try some of these. And there are things I absolutely will never try; heroin and meth etc. I’ve only tried some of these because of R honestly. Anyways;

My acid experience starts off like this. We didn’t have a sitter. R hadn’t tried acid before either. We looked up as much as possible before diving in. We each took half a tab at first, just in case. This was at 3:30. We went on a walk, and nothing had kicked in yet. So we went back home. 4:30 rolls around. Nothing yet. So I suggest we take the other half tab. I was impatient so I didn’t realize the acid just didn’t kick in yet. 5 rolls around and the floor starts to move. We found a small tick in his room and he was our friend until I threw him in the trash. We decide to go for another walk. It didn’t last long because the acid is starting to peak. This is around 5:30-6. The ground was something else. 

The grass had so many line. And you could see EVERY detail. I could see every pore on R’s face, every blade of grass. It was moving. It was so intense. I wanted to go back home because I was scared of being outside in public at first. When we got back, it’s still hitting harder. I think the combo of the second half tab started to peak around this time. Or within the next hour it did. 

We were sitting on the floor and I’ve never been so happy in my life. The music was amazing. I was so comfortable. And everything was moving. I looked in the mirror, never too long. But I felt like I looked beautiful. I read that people can freak out or get scared of themselves, but I thought I was a small elf angel. That I was experiencing beauty. All my senses didn’t work how they normally do and that was okay. COLOR was amazing. I would look at one thing and I saw every color. SO MANY patterns. I didn’t know this was even possible to experience. Synesthesia. I was feeling and seeing and hearing everything in a way that I wasn’t used to. The floor was something else. 

At this point it’s kind of foggy to me as to what we did. We were planning to go out but never did?? We were so excited and jumping around everywhere. We got sidetracked so many times. I couldn’t talk much during the peak period. It was difficult for me. R’s face was so beautiful. It was warping and I saw so many expressions and it’s like he had a filter on his face. I saw multiples of almost everything. And everything was breathing. One of the coolest things I experienced was how small I felt in his room. I felt like I was looking through a window in my head. It was a different perspective. I was standing near the door, and I was on an angle. Like we weren’t on a flat plane. I was on an angle one way and he was all the way across the room leaning the other way, even though were both standing straight. It felt like a drawing.

The one tip I wish everyone gave me before taking a tab was to eat!! Eating was so scary at first. It was absolutely impossible I couldn’t feel my teeth or my mouth and the chips were loud and scary. The jelly bean I tried to eat was so hard and sweet and I couldn’t do it art first. We were finally able to eat at about 10 hours in. We had those loud chips and steak sammiches and it was amazing. If you stopped focusing you’d start to not feel your teeth and you couldn’t eat. 

It felt like days went by. Time has never felt so distorted. I feel like time just went by, yet it felt like I was tripping for days? How is that possible? The color though. We had this cute blue light on, where when you touched it the little strings of light went to your hand. I forget what those lights are called, but on acid it was amazing. It wasn’t just blue though. I saw green and purple and the other light was red and yellow and just hints at every color. You saw every color at once. It was amazing.

There was one part where the trip went downwards for me. Every emotion and feeling was amplified, so when I felt a small ache in my chest, my anxiety kicked in and I was scared of dying. But in actuality I was fine. I was able to get out of that mindset so that was good. But this experience all in all was just so deep. I never thought so much in my life. R had a very emotional moment or two. And it impacted me. His mom had messaged him that she was very proud of him and that she loved him very much. He started crying. I know he deals with deep depression and it affects me sometimes. I knew how much it meant to him that his mom sent that. My heart just, I felt as if my mom said that to me. I hope he knows that I’m proud of him too. And later he mentioned how he’s never killed himself for the sake of his parents. Upon hearing that I started bawling. I noticed that I would just say the thoughts on my mind and experience everything. I truly feel like this whole experience connected me and R more. And the next day he said he wasn’t as sad. Like acid had an impact on his brain. Idk for how long, but I hope it truly helped. 

There are just so many things I experienced that I don’t know how to explain. I felt so in love. I felt like there’s just so much to experience. I forgot about my personal depression and how we have to make a purpose and that we just die eventually. I felt like there’s so much to experience while being alive. 

We didn’t fall asleep until a tad past 5:00 AM. It was so long. The longest drug I’ve ever experienced. I’m so fortunate to have had a good trip and not a bad one. I can see how dangerous and how easily a bad trip could happen. When I said we were going to go out, we were going to have a friend take us somewhere. But I’m so glad we didn’t. I don’t think I can do this in public. R’s friend says he drives on it and goes out to parties on it, and I just can’t imagine how. It’s dangerous and idk I had more than enough fun alone. We were just in R’s room for the majority of the night. Around 11:00 PM we did go outside for a bit. There were so many bugs!!! But the grass and sky was so beautiful. At first I thought this would be my first and last acid trip, but I think if in the future we have a weekend set aside for it, months from now, I’d do it again. I feel like this first experience was lovely. It was just beyond me. You cannot prepare anyone for such magic. It literally looks like those trippy photos you see, but it’s in real life. My body was so numb. And I’m happy I did this with you R. I felt like I had no anxiety except for that brief moment. Usually I worry too much about what his parents think, but on it I wasn’t scared at all. He lives with his parents still, so they were in the house. But they are so cool. He told his mom that we were on acid and she just said to be safe. It made me feel better that someone else knew. 

And that was my experience. It’s so hard to explain something other worldly like this. It’s incredible. Beyond comprehension unless you yourself have experienced it. It’s like you’re in your own genjutsu. Amazing, really. 

Also I feel like making love would have been out of this world, but I was sadly on my time of the month. Every time R touched me I got goosebumps. And we have no idea how much acid was actually on each tab. I also licked the aluminum foil in which they were sealed.

[yourforgottenxlove]

Name: Norah Duval / Ashlyn McCord  Age: 27 years old Occupation: Escort  Sexual orientation: Polyamorous  Face claim: Kat McNamara  Trigger warnings: Abuse, sexual abuse, violence, miscarriage, drugs

Norah was born in Newark New Jersey and raised there until she was 7 years old, in what she would describe as a loveless home. 

She never knew her father, or supposed father as paternity was a question when she was born, but Michael Duval left right after her birth. As a result her mother turned to heroin and Norah’s only remaining family and caretaker became her older brother Elias. 

As a hesitant and often scared child, Norah clung to her brother, looking to him for the love neither of their parents were willing to give her. And while he acted the role of a good brother perfectly, the looks of disdain, revulsion and often, emptiness in his eyes when he looked at her still haunts her. 

Still she was and has remained fierce in her love, being someone who loves whole heartedly and passionately. Her brother was her hero, the only one who stood up for her and held her when she cried, or protected her from their raving mother. She loved him and probably always will. 

Norah even had a hard time not loving her mother, constantly seeking her approval, her attention, hoping that she someday would react differently to her daughter. Most of that hope was lost when Hannah sold her to a pimp as payment for a fresh round of heroin. 

From then on her life changed drastically. The pimp was a man with little mercy and less love of children. All he wanted from her was to use and abuse her body. Which he did, over and over again, teaching her what he called ‘little girl lessons’. Once she had learned them, meaning she had submitted fully to his abuse, whims and desires, he began to rent her out for money, using the internet to attract customers. 

She was only allowed outside in the garden, though it was a big one as the pimp lived on a big, secluded property. If she was good he would award her wit newspapers or books to read, as she frequently asked for them. Any story was a means to escape her present world, and she didn’t want to loose her ability to read. 

Norah was with the pimp for almost as long as she had lived with her mom and brother, six and a half years, turning thirteen the year her so called stepfather decided to rid himself of her. Unknown to her the local police had found the chatrooms where he interacted with his buyers, and was about to make an arrest. He had to get rid of the evidence, Norah, fast. 

Her long, rather painful journey went on to The Netherlands, a country where prostitution is legal and regulated, which in terms made it easier for the ring leaders to expand their business and go undetected. Norah was sold to a strict madam who owned several local establishments, including a modern day brothel and strip club. 

Most of her teens were spent in Amsterdam, being of use to her madam and earning next to nothing for herself. The other girls at the house however became like a family, and they both had each others back and taught each other the art of seduction and sex. 

When Norah reached the age of maturity, eighteen, she was sent around Europe as an escort, presented as a fine prize and experienced working girl. She used this for all it was worth, thinking that if she could convince a powerful male to buy her, she would finally be free to make her own choices and live a life that was hers. Unfortunately, her employers always seemed to dissuade the men she’d convinced at the last minute, and she always had to return.  

Norah was sold once again, for the last time, when she was 22 years old; this time to a local pimp in Lorenzo, California. The girl was heartbroken to be torn from her Dutch family, all the friends and what she had percieved to be a stable and bearable environment, not to mention one she had far more control over than she would when placed in a town with far less connections and clients than Amsterdam and Europe held. 

In Lorenzo she finally managed to buy herself some freedom though. After a year long affair with a local gang member, he paid her patrons off in order to marry her. Their marriage was fairly explosive, two passionate souls thrown together, two idealistic people who soon had to realize that reality wouldn’t bend to their will and see their dreams fulfilled. 

Norah has always been attracted to men with a violent, often abusive streak, and her husband was no different. Still this was what she had known love to be since she was seven years old. The harder he hit her, the deeper she loved him. Though after two years of hospital visits and a couple of miscarriages, he left her for a younger woman. 

While Norah was heartbroken, she was only 24 and in the prime of her youth. She stayed with the gang as an escort, doing her best to bring in money and save all she earned. 

With time though, and now much more accsess and less supervision, she turned to drugs, mainly party drugs such as cocaine and ecstasy but in darker times, meth and crank. The drugs made her feel a type of release and freedom to do what she wanted with her own body, which she hadn’t experienced before. 

Norah dreams of finishing her GED, which she has tried to do for about three years now, in order to try for a degree, be financially independent in earnest. 

However her many debts keeps her with the gang, in the prostitute life. She has a lot of medical bills yet to pay, a loan on her apartment, loans from dealers and a couple of brokers. Her savings were stolen by an ex boyfriend a few years back leaving her entirely broke. 

Years of giving her body to others have done different numbers on her psyche. She is confident and comfortable in her own skin when with other people, especially when at work, while at home she looks in the mirror and despises the sight of her own reflection. Filled with wells and wells of insecurities and self hatred. 

Norah knows she can get very far with a sweet smile, an innocent touch or two and some well chosen words. Seducing men and gaining their trust has become second nature to her, and she does it without a second thought or hesitation. There’s no question in her mind that most men desire her and that she can be someone for them, do things that their wives would never consent to. Its the one aspect to her work where she feels in control, in charge and powerful. 

At the same time her body hasn’t been her own most of her life, and she is all to used to submitting to others in order to simply survive from one day to the next. While it still pains her sometimes to give herself up to someone, to allow them complete control of her body, she does it because she believes she has no other choice. This is what her life has always been like and unless she can win the lottery and then some, its what it will always be like. 

Her escort name is Ashlyn McCord, and she chose to make up and go by both a first and last name because its easier to assume a whole new identity in a sense. She’s even got documents and passports with her escort name from her European travel days. Anyone who isn’t a close friend knows her as Ashlyn or Ash. 

Outside of work Norah tries to embrace what good sides to life there is left. To have fun with those around her, to laugh and smile as much as she can. Though sometimes she’s aware it seems fake and that her quiet misery shines trough. 

She’s a smart girl who will stand up for her friends and her beliefs without a second thought. Headstrong and independent, she clings to the belief that the escort life is only temporary, and hopes she can move up in ranks within the gang with time. 

Being with the gang has allowed her more freedom and independence than she’s ever had before, and this has made her emboldened and lessened some of her bitterness and depression over feeling captured and caged. She feels as if she can finally make some decisions for herself and live a life closer to her own wishes, not everyone elses. 

It was a major shock for her to see her older brother again, when she a few weeks ago found herself giving this vaguely familiar brunette male a lap dance and he mentioned her by her real name, noticing burns on her thighs which she got when she was a child.

Norah is still reeling from the encounter and uncertain what to do. On one side she yearned for her brother and has wondered how he is since the day she was taken away. 

On the other she still remembers how he used to look at her, how she used to wonder if he loved her at all. She knows she owes him a lot, for practically keeping her alive when they were young. But she’s also pretty convinced he only saw her as a job, extra work to be done at home, another mouth to feed but nothing more. 

She’s hesitant and doesn’t know what to expect from him, or herself really. If he’d like to reunite and get to know one another again, or if he couldn’t care less either way.

[myalterego302]

Dreamy night.......

Last night was the first night I got any real good sleep in about 4 days. My dreams were many and very Vivid. But a couple of people in a couple of things that I haven't thought about Forever came to mind.

I wanted to try or experiment with a particular type of drug particularly meth.

Where I live it is extremely difficult to come by in every time I thought I would be able to have some it always always fell through for whatever reason.

And when I was able to successfully get something it was the first time for the person I was with as well and we knew nothing about dosage whatsoever so we just thought it sucked.

The person I dreamed about knew what she was doing but underestimated my tolerance as someone who never used and was put in the position where she had to support the habits a people that were grown and not her responsibility.

She's not a bad person and I have nothing negative to say about her and have long since forgiven her for taking my money and using it in a way that it was not intended. It's actually my fault for putting myself in that position as far as I'm concerned.

I knew better but I wanted to try this drug.

She got the drugs from her cousin. She told me about a time her cousin gave her a 1-gram shot which even at the time seems like a lot but knowing what I know now it seems like suicide.

I really don't like people and in speaking with women especially who tried to support heroin and crack habits I've been exposed to some gut-wrenching stories and experiences that literally make me sick to my stomach. They make me like people last and especially like my gender not at all.

I thought I heard the worst of the worst until I heard the women's methamphetamine Diaries. That's not a real thing but it's the stories I've Been Told about what has happened to people I consider friends during their usage.

It's after the stories that I always wondered about that one gram shot. I know it was her cousin but based on the stories I've heard age and relationship does not seem to matter.

I asked her if the time do you think he had an alternative motive because the only way he would give her the shot is if she finish the entire thing. She said no. I let it go the time but I woke up dreaming about her and that one gram shot.

I dealt with her cousin directly after that going forward and he seemed like all in all he wasn't a bad guy. He admittedly used the drugs he had as a way to sleep with the women he wanted but from what I can see they all did so willingly. Is that kind of shady using someone's addiction against them. The women I know would not have been traumatized the way they are by his actions. Praying on someone because of their addictions is bad but it is not in the same universe I heard which again brought me back to wondering about that one gram shot.

She and I are not friends. She is not treated me the way that a friend would and has used me only for my money to support her habit in the habit of those around her. She is also not a bad person and I have long since forgiven her. I put myself in that position and my response was I know who she is and what she is and I will not put my self in that position again for her to take advantage of me or I'm the fool. I'm not knowingly a fool these days.

I texted her and told her to call me. I didn't tell her why because she might not have called back. If she thought she could make some money she'd call back immediately which she did.

I told her why I was calling and I asked her if she was okay. She said she's going to jail on Monday which may or may not be the truth. I kind of think she is supposed to go to jail on Monday but I know addicts. That doesn't mean she necessarily will show up.

She also claims she broke up with her dude which is not unusual. They actually do break up on a pretty regular basis and say mean awful things about one another but hey they do the same thing while they're together.

They always get back together so there's no need for me to believe that anything like this is permanent.

You don't understand, he stabbed me in my chest with a knife. I do understand because he is beating you to a bloody pulp multiple times because you didn't give him enough drugs or the drugs or he wanted drugs and every single time when you say it will never happen you all end up back together.

I've learned with other female friends first hand how that cycle goes. I also understand no one in the moment is equipped or has the ability to make what will be their permanent choice.

I would like to thank she will leave him alone because it will be better for the both of them but I also know their history. Independently and sober I don't think either one is a bad person.

She doesn't know her worth and believes the only reason he will stick around with her is based on the money and drugs she supplies. Forcing her to do things to get those money and drugs. Things he then never hesitate to throw in her face.

It's one of the most sick codependent 4 year relationships I've ever seen. Oh yeah and he's still married. He went to party with drugs and a prostitute one weekend and has not on a permanent basis been home to his wife and children since.

He does go back to his wife and child when she's out of money and his wife will provide him with that money but then my friend lures and back with money and drugs and he goes back and forth between both women who have no clue that they don't need him and would probably be better without him.

As ugly as that story is I do like people a little bit more today after talking to her.

She is okay and I believe she wants to go to jail because she knows she has to do something different. Jail does separate her from her drug of choice but often offers little in the way of treatment or coping skills. That's why I was picking my except at 4:30 in the morning at the police station after her current boyfriend knocked her out over drugs.

My ex was in treatment living at a sober house employed and doing well. Her boyfriend was in jail and absolutely believed he was drug free and would remain that way and they would take over the world once he got out.

I asked what her game plan would be when and if he relapsed. Due to no fault of his own he was not receiving treatment in prison. In my state they put drug addicts in prison and expect them to act differently once they get out because they were punished. That doesn't work so well but she refused to accept any possibility of him using it again.

I would want my significant other to believe and have faith in me the way she had faith in him and that's an awesome thing but because of that Blind Faith she did not have realistic perspective of what she was dealing with.

He relapsed and as a result she relapsed and they relapse together. She didn't listen to people and try to have and maintain their relationship within the first year of her recovery. That was a no no. She did not develop a plan for herself if he relapsed. That was a no no. She never took into consideration that he would relapse knowing her own struggles even while being treatment and going to meetings none of which he was doing.

I share these concerns with my friend going to jail and I asked her if at all possible to get treatment while she's incarcerated so she's better equipped to deal on the outside.

I hope she listens.

Her cousin did not have an ulterior motive forgetting her that high except maybe to make fun of her.

Based on what I know now and I did not know at the time she first relayed the story I knew she would have hours where she did not remember s*** and it was those hours I was worried about.

I'm glad to say there was no reason to worry. She immediately left her cousins after taking the shot with her boyfriend at the time. Yes he's an a****** but he was her a****** so even if he had taken advantage of her it would have been something she definitely would have agreed wholeheartedly to sober.

She told me she woke up at home in her bed safe and sound.

I was prepared for the used and abused story that I always hear lately. It never came thankfully.

I liked her cousin. He was far from perfect but he was young and a product unfortunately of his environment. And considering where he grew up and what he was surrounded by all in all he was definitely a nice guy.

I'm glad to find out he's not a monster.

I'm glad to find out my friend experienced no More trauma than she already has.

I'm excited that I can hate people and my gender a little less today than I did yesterday.

I almost forgot she asked me what I was doing today and explained what she rented for the weekend before she went to jail.

I am very honest and straightforward and try not to deceive anyone. I know what hanging out with you usually entails and no I don't have any money to buy you drugs but if you really just want to hang out I'm alright with that. I assured her I would not be offended based on what I told her if she changed her mind about hanging out.

She shocked the f*** out of me by saying yes she still wanted to hang out and offer to buy us something saying it wouldn't be as much as I usually spend which within itself was nice.

I'm used to being the one taking care of everyone else I have a couple of people in my corner not including her lately that have had my back when I have done nothing for them. One of them was off of Tumblr who is far as I'm concerned has every reason to hate all men including myself if she wanted to. But she totally f****** looked out for me without me ever having done anything for her twice. That was the first time ever and I appreciate it and I appreciate her and have subsequently look out for her a hundred fold but that's not the point

I will hang out with my friend. I will not consume any of her drugs. But I will provide her with a safe place where she does not have to worry about what will happen if she consumes whatever amount of drugs she chooses to.

There will be somebody to watch over her. There will be somebody to make sure she is safe. There will be somebody that make sure everything that was there before she took drugs it's going to be there when she sobers up. There will be a man there who sees her as a person and not an object and will not take advantage of her in a vulnerable state where she does not have a capacity to think clearly.

She will have a friend and maybe I made a new friend.

Maybe there is hope for Humanity

Nah, I guess that was taking it a little too far. We're all f***** and we're all f***** up

[facesofopioids-blog]

💜💙💚This Post Can Be Shared!💚💙💜 Spotlight Sunday "Escaping the Shadows" By: Amanda Skye My name is Amanda and I was born in California on June 30th 1990. To protect the information of family, I will not get into too much detail about my early years aside from key components that lead to the decisions I made as an adolescent. My parents had 4 children, my two older brothers, me and my sister. We were raised in a drug filled home and my parents struggled to feed us. My aunt, uncle and grandparents did their best to help where they could but ultimately both of my parents were hooked on methamphetamines so you can imagine, it wasn’t the best upbringing. In 1995, my grandparents moved us all to New Jersey. My sister and I lived with them for a while until my parents were able to afford an apartment for all of us. They got off of the meth at this point. We moved to Franklin NJ where I was made fun of for being overweight and wearing dirty hand me downs. My brothers both being a few years older than me, made friends and began partying. My sister and I were the best of friends. I smoked weed with my oldest brother at around age 9. By the age of 11, I was blacked out drunk for the first time. It didn’t take long for me to get involved with the wrong crowds and activities. I hung out with other kids who couldn’t quite find their place and we would get high on whatever was available. At around age 13 I had a flashback. I stopped in place and spaced out remembering horrible details of being molested by my dad. I wanted to believe it wasn’t true, but I still can’t explain where such vivid memories came from. After some digging around, I found out that these memories were in fact true and was still living in a home with the man who did this to me. My father passed away last year on August 20th 2017. I do not want to speak ill of him but I also am tired of keeping my story a secret. This is my first post admitting what he did to me for strangers to read. I can’t recall each time that it happened, but he wasn’t the only one. I had been sexually abused many times before I hit my teens. Like any person would, this lead to me acting out, cutting myself, failing all of my classes and becoming your typical “product of her environment.” I hated my dad and on top of the abuse he’d already put me through, he was also mentally and physically abusive as well. By the time I was 18, I had done handfuls of different drugs but had some how turned all of my grades around and graduated high school with honors. In 2009, my dad moved to North Carolina and this is where things really went down hill. After graduation, I no longer had choir (which was basically what had kept me motivated to stay in school) my house became the party house it always was when my dad wasn’t around, but this time there was no stopping it. I had been doing opiate pain pills not realizing the affect they were having on my life. I thought I could stop at anytime. I met a guy in December 2009 who introduced me to heroin. I cried my first time sniffing it because I knew what I was about to do to my life but I couldn’t stop myself. I was shooting up within a week. That relationship was not only physically abusive, but I was sure he would kill me. When I’d try to leave, he would hurt my animals, try to drive my car into on coming traffic or beat me so bad that I would stay. He once threatened “I could kill you and no one will ever find your body.” One day I had had enough and I escaped him. I turned myself into jail on warrants I had accumulated to make sure I stayed away from him. I thought for sure with him out of the picture that I would stop using heroin. I was wrong. My addiction grew even more fierce. At this point I was about 22 years old. My family and I were evicted from yet another apartment and my mother, brother and I decided to make our way to New York. We found a shelter to reside in for a while, and I was able to stay away from dope for the most part, but it didn’t last long. Fast forward, I found myself in yet another toxic relationship (he did not abuse me) where we were constantly getting high together. I bounced around from place to place, state to state, shelter to shelter. Till eventually all of my luck ran out and I wound up homeless. I milked my mom for every penny that she had, would throw fits and threaten her if she didn’t give me cash or bribe her anyway I could. A lot of my story is jumbled at this point because it would be very hard to go in depth about all of these years. After a lot of hardship and pain, that boyfriend and I decided sleeping on the streets was our best option, no rules, we made hella money panhandling and it was still kind of warm out. The weather started to change and it got colder and colder, the money started to stop being as good and the next thing I knew, I was crying everyday of my life wondering how I was going to continue living that way. The highlight of everyday was praying I had enough of a cotton shot left to get me through long enough to pan handle some money to cop. Waking up was so hard. It was soooooo cold. We would bundle ourselves under the blankets people donated to us and breathe in them to produce heat. We were sleeping on a mattress that we dragged from Brooklyn to Manhattan in a park by the Brooklyn bridge. Every day I’d wake up cursing God for waking me up again. Getting out of those blankets was horrific. I’d be so dope sick that I’d have to get up, find a tree to urinate as well as defacate behind, while bystanders walked all over the place. It was humiliating. I had stooped to the lowest of low and saw no way of making it out. I contemplated my suicide daily. I nearly got frost bite on my feet from walking around in shoes a size to small that were soaked from the snow. We would sometimes try to sleep in the subway station when it rained or snowed but would be woken up by police saying we had to get out. One day we had gone to go cop some dope. It was January 21st 2015. I was so dope sick that I could hardly walk so my at the time boyfriend went to get the dope while I waited in front of a bodega near the projects we shot up in. A man with the kindest eyes I have ever seen approached me and began to ask me my story. I lied to his face, but he was persistent. He eventually got my story out of me and took two pictures along with it. I had no idea this guy was well known and had a blog/page called Humans of New York. Long story short my photos and story went viral. The people who didn’t know the truth now did and I found out when a young girl approached me as I was panhandling in the subway station. “You’re the girl from humans of New York!” Confused and embarrassed I asked what she was talking about, she then proceeded to show me my photos that had gone viral. I was livid and mortified. That day we went with the little money we had collected and were on our way to cop. While sitting on the subway platform I began to plot my suicide. I was crying but could no longer feel. I was numb. I was weighing out my options, either I jump in front of the next subway that comes through, or I continue on living a miserable life. My mind was made up. I pictured my mom identifying my body, how much pain I would cause my family and thought about what I would never get to do. In the midst of that pain, God reached out to me and I felt a glimmer of hope. I decided in that moment that tomorrow was no longer an option, I was going to a state funded detox. I explained it to my boyfriend and told him I couldn’t wait anymore. I shot up that night looking for a vein for 45 minutes as blood gushed down my arm. He looked at me and said “you’re really done aren’t you?” I didn’t have to answer his question. I went into a detox where I stayed for 6 days. As soon as I got out, I was high again. I decided to look at the comments on my photos and all of the horrible and mean comments were replaced with strangers telling me they believed in me and offering hope. Among 15,000 comments I came across one from a woman who owned her own treatment center. She offered to fly me out to California and help me for free. I agreed but still had a hard time believing I would go through with it. I postponed for about 4 days and in those days I drank, shot heroin and cried. My last shot of heroin was on 2/7/2015. The next day I was flown to California. My life has completely changed. I had some bumps in the road with my behaviors but ultimately did not relapse at all. I stuck with it, got involved in my program and started working. I have been able to build a life I never thought I would have. As I shared in a previous post, I lost my brother Michael to an overdose on 3/12/2017. I did not get high. I wanted to but I did not. I miss him everyday of my life. I try to live sober in his memory. 5 months later my dad died from lung cancer. I had been able to forgive him and my last words To him just days before he died were that I loved him. I was able to be there to help my family through both of these tragedies. I was able to show countless others that there is no reason to get high again. I was able to prove to MYSELF that I am worth it. I have 3.5 years completely sober. I have a daughter due any day now and a wonderful boyfriend, home and relationships with my family. I call to check on them. I work in recovery and am blessed to be able to live a sober life without the need for drugs or alcohol. Some days are hard, just because you get sober does not mean life gets easy. In fact, it gets harder. Adulting is tough, walking through deaths of loved ones is horrific but I feel so much more accomplished than I ever have in my life. Today I live for so much more. I may not be perfect but I like who I am. Recovery isn’t easy but it’s 100% worth it. Sorry for the length of this story but it feels good to let it out. Thank you for taking the time to read this and god bless everyone. If you’re still struggling, you can make it out too. Never give up. https://m.facebook.com/groups/1685500114824029?view=permalink&id=2331108240263210

[sky-mall]

i have no clue when this is from but i finally just logged in here on a computer and saw an anon from presumably a while ago: 

(wish they’d date these damn things)

“Hi please don't submit this but if you're ever feeling down you can talk to me on snapchat to vent or whatever. It's [username removed] and it really sucks that people treat drug addicts like shit, and I'm sorry. Stay strong.”

and idk if its from when the last time some anonymous person was attacking me and saying a bunch of bullshit including things about me being a drug addict and...just wanna clarify once more...i’m not? a drug addict? and literally any person even remotely acquainted with me irl can attest to that?

and i said that multiple times and yes that’s something people obviously lie about (i would know, i’ve been lied to a fuck ton about drugs and it has broken my heart) but that just goes to show how shitty it is to make assumptions, rumors and accusations towards someone you clearly don't know - people believe shit like that. if it’s said, people assume it’s for a reason. especially shitty to make it about such a serious subject. it’s frustrating to me because I've been very close with numerous drug addicts throughout my friends and family and i actively avoid habits like that, i’m all down with experimenting with psychedelics or the occasional coke bump at a party but i have never and will never try heroin, meth or crack. fear of life being ruined/ended aside - i have zero fucking desire to, there’s no appeal. i even have terrible crippling anxiety and am prescribed xanax and ativan and i break them into halves and quarters and deliberately avoid taking them too often so as not to become dependent. addiction scares the shit out of me. 

i wish i cared less what people think about me but when it comes to stuff like this i can’t. idgaf about your opinions of what i actually do, that’s different, but when it comes to delusional assumptions, that’s not cool. i remember last time i was consistently active on here getting all those anons and maybe that’s a reason i stopped coming here for a while. time and time again there has been a person or people that come here just for the fact that they can say things behind a veil, and it’s never someone that actually knows me, and it’s always someone insulting some twisted caricature of my life with a few added bonus lies that aren't even derivative of something real. i’m assuming it’s someone i’m associated with through online circles who likes to make guesses based on my projected lifestyle, but has never actually hung out with me ever. 

so anyway, in sum, thanks anon for your support i truly appreciate it, and yes i agree with your statement, however the people you're defending me against are wrong so it’s really not necessary. and in addition it bothers me that you would see my responses to them where I'm saying I'm not a drug addict and have zero habits of that nature, and still message me saying what you said. i understand you mean well and again i appreciate it but it also feels like you don't believe me and that makes me feel like maybe anyone reading those things could assume I'm lying and if thats how it looks then, well that sucks. 

end rant. 

[adambstingus]

6 Frightening New Drugs (You’ve Never Heard Of)

Since the dawn of time, mankind has endeavored to keep finding new ways to get totally shitfaced. And just because the gamut of known narcotics now ranges from a cheeky evening sherry to face-melting LSD doesn’t mean people have stopped looking for (cheaper) alternatives. So let’s take a look at the latest discoveries our often short-lived pharmaceutical pioneers have come up with.

6

People Are Abusing Their Pets’ Medication (And Their Pets)

Veterinarians may not be as well regarded as human doctors, but that doesn’t mean their work is any less difficult. Performing surgery on a cat is just as hard as it is on a person — except that if you screw up on a person, you can’t just bury them in a shoe box and call it a day (usually). Vets need about the same quality of tools and drugs to do their job properly. So it was only a matter of time before addicts figured out that if animal medication is good enough to knock out a Great Dane, it will probably also get them plenty high.

Hanna-Barbara It’s why Shaggy ditched weed and moved on to Scooby Snacks.

Unsurprisingly, most animal drugs aren’t much different than the stuff hospitals pump into us. (Try not to dwell on the fact that your healthcare’s probably not much better than your pug’s.) Heavy-duty pain relievers (like Tramadol), Valium, and even ketamine are generally available to ailing animals. The main difference between human and animal medication seems to be that one of them is a lot harder to obtain. Most of our happy pills are controlled substances, which means they’re carefully tracked. That’s not the case for animal meds, though, because nobody expects a horse to get hooked on … uh, horse.

But until legislation is put into place to stop these druggie pet owners, some states have started educating vets on how to deal with addicts coming into their practice to get high off their cat’s supply. They’re mainly taught to recognize suspicious behavior, like when owners try to get refills early, or ask for medication by name, or pretend their pet fell down the stairs but then not immediately show a YouTube video of the fall to prove it.

LuckyBusiness/iStock “Does that dog suppository fit in a pipe?” is another question that raises red flags.

But what if your pet is just too damn healthy to exploit? In 2002, one owner was caught having trained his dog to cough on command just so he could get his hands on some sweet cough medicine. But that takes a lot of work, so some addicts just resort to intentionally hurting their pets to get a fix. In Kentucky, a trash monster named Heather Pereira was discovered to have cut her dog with razor blades as an excuse to keep getting her paws on his pain medication. She was sentenced to four years in prison (28 in dog years). But that’s small potatoes compared to one small drug ring in Oregon, who used a puppy mill as a front to amass over 100,000 Tramadol pills, neglecting the puppies to the point that their crates had been flooded with their own feces. Those assholes managed to find a way to make standard drug dealers look like pillars of the community.

5

Drinking Russian Bath Lotions

In December 2016, over 100 people from the Siberian city of Irkutsk were rushed to the hospital due to alcohol-related poisoning (you may assume this is normal for Christmas in Siberia, but we assure you it is not). Their drink of choice? A strong beverage that will not only put hair on your chest, but also keep that hair silky and clean.

Biomed Even hotel minibars are getting in on the action.

Boyaryshnik is the most popular bath lotion in Siberia. Not because of the cleansing power of its hawthorn berries, but because Russians like to drink it. And while no one among us can claim that they’ve never considered chugging a bottle of delicious-smelling children’s shampoo, nobody is drinking it for its refreshing scent, but because it gets them fucked right up. The lotion has such a high alcohol content, poor Russians have been using it as a substitute for expensive vodka. But when a bad batch of lotion hit the streets of Irkutsk, the bath-time fun drink killed 61 people in record time. Instead of containing ethanol (the fun alcohol), the tainted Boyaryshnik contained methanol (the “I’m blind and I can’t feel my legs” alcohol) and antifreeze. Not exactly a party, unless your idea of a party entails shedding your physical body in order to board the mothership.

At this point it needs to be made very clear that this tragic incident didn’t happen because people started drinking bath lotion, but because they started drinking counterfeit bath lotion. This means some criminal ring thought it more profitable to make fake bath lotion than fake vodka. And they weren’t wrong. Today, over 12 million Russians drink surrogate alcohol, including perfume, after-shave, antifreeze, and window cleaner. Is it weird that some of those sound a lot more appealing than the others?

Your answer depends on how much you like blue Gatorade.

The reason for these soapy binges is mainly due to Vladimir Putin’s government, which has been steadily raising the tax on alcohol for years in order to curb excessive drinking and fill its coffers with booze money. This has left many Russians too poor to support their habit, turning to their shower caddies for sweet relief. Putin has promised to lower taxes in the future and divert the government’s attention to catching alcohol counterfeiters. Until then, Russians will just have to take pride in having the most fragrant alcoholics in the world.

4

Molly Usually Isn’t MDMA (But Something Way Crazier)

Molly is the uptown rich kid variant of ecstasy, a designer drug endorsed by paragons of cool like Jay-Z and Miley Cyrus. That must mean it’s safe as houses, right? Sure, MDMA is about as chill as hardcore drugs can get, but that pill you got off that guy juggling glow sticks? That isn’t molly. And it will probably melt your insides to a pulp.

Kind of like that other Molly. The one from the gym.

So what are these party people ingesting instead of their expensive designer drugs? It could be anything, really, from variants of meth to cannabinoids to even bath salts. All they have in common is that they’re definitely not molly and they’re definitely made by lazy idiots. Most of them are too new to have a unique name (or their makers couldn’t come up with a catchy one), so they just slid into the molly brand. Sometimes you can get “lucky” and stumble upon some chemist’s pet project like Bromo-Dragonfly, which is pretty much LSD but with “effects that can last for up to three days.” But a much more common narcotic cuckoo egg is benzylpiperazine, or BZP, the poster child for why this fake molly trend is so dangerous. BZP is incredibly easy to make, but takes a lot of cleanup to remove all of the toxins, which prevents massive kidney and liver damage — among many other terrible side effects. Dealers don’t care about that though, because it’s not like someone is going to call the Better Business Bureau and make a complaint.

They don’t worry about losing customers when their customer base is “everyone who clubs.”

Molly has become just another brand, a marketing slogan with about as much truth in advertising as “9 out of 10 dentists agree” or “Jamie Lee Curtis can help you poop better.” Its umbrella status has become such an issue that many molly-centric venues like EDM concerts, raves, and orgies have started setting up testing booths to make sure people know what’s in their entertainment for the evening. The result is quite staggering, with only typically a quarter of pills tested containing only MDMA — and just as many containing no MDMA whatsoever. Meanwhile, out of all the molly the DEA seized and tested between 2009 and 2013, only as few as 13 percent of the pills showed any trace of MDMA. You’re about as likely to get high on MDMA from some molly you bought in a warehouse loft as you would from buying Flintstones vitamins in a drugstore.

But you will get something to make you try to brake cars with your bare feet.

3

Fentanyl Can Kill A Person Just By Touching Them

Heroin might just be the scariest drug out there, especially to non-drug users. It feels like one of those drugs that, just by looking at a spoonful, could ruin your life, your health, and just about every tooth you have. But guess what, you nerd? Heroin is for wimps now. Real tough-guy addicts take fentanyl, an opioid so strong it’s the last high you’ll ever need. Or have, for that matter.

As the marketing slogan says, “Fentanyl: It’s fatyl.”

The entire fentanyl family of opioids is just a carousel of the worst horrors drugs imaginable. Like pink, a type of fentanyl that was given its cutesy name because snorting any more than what fits on the tip of a pinky is enough to kill you. In fact, just touching this shit is enough to go into cardiac arrest. Typically, one grain of a fentanyl-based drug has the same potency as a hit of heroin. Two grains will make you overdose. Not that that’s terrifyingly risky. After all, heroin addicts are known for their steady hands and attention to detail.

Then there’s carfentanil, which is like regular fentanyl except that you’re about as likely to survive a hit of it as you would a ten-car pile-up. It’s roughly 100 times more powerful than regular fentanyl and 10,000 times more so than morphine. That’s because carfentanil was never intended for human consumption: It’s an elephant tranquilizer. The only time its effect on humans was ever considered was to test how quickly it could kill them.

The answer: slightly faster than the elephant.

Ironically, it’s because of the potency of the fentanyl family that they’re incredibly easy drugs to obtain. In Canada, for example, border guards cannot open packages weighing less than 30 grams without consent — and 30 grams of fentanyl is enough to last a lifetime (which for fentanyl users is about half an hour), making them a cinch to smuggle. This easy access has been a scourge on Canada, being partially responsible for increasing overdoses tenfold in just one year.

So how come it’s easier to score mega-heroin than it is just good old classic heroin? Fittingly, this dragon also comes all the way from the home of the opioid, China. China has no real regulations against manufacturing or distributing fentanyl-based substances — and it doesn’t look like that’ll be changing anytime soon. Over the internet, dozens if not hundreds of small, shady pharmaceutical companies are openly selling their fentanyl to clients around the globe. This makes this very dangerous drug about as easy to buy as a cheap iPhone case and for about the same cost.

And with an equal probability of improving your already shitty life.

2

Synthetic Weed Is Turning The Homeless Into Zombies

With the rapid legalization of cannabis across the United States, weed is getting a bit of an image change. No longer is it just the drug of choice for lazy stoners and geriatric hippies — it’s on the cusp of becoming as acceptable as drinking a beer or taking a sniff of nail polish. Of course, these good vibrations couldn’t last forever. Enter K2, Mary Jane’s dirtbag meth-head cousin.

Instead of using cannabis leaves, K2 (like the famous mountain) or Scooby Snax (like the famous talking dog treats), K2 combines all of the natural goodness of oregano, which was what most college kids were smoking anyway, with the chemical garbage that are synthetic drugs. A K2 cigarette contains regular dried herbs with shitty chemical cannabinoids to make them more awesome. It’s basically the Axe Body Spray of narcotics.

But K2 is a lot more dangerous than regular marijuana. Cannabinoids may have the same effect as THC, but have a lot more bad side effects. In 2015, over 6,000 emergency room visits involving K2 occurred in New York City alone, with two deaths already confirmed. This epidemic has been hitting the homeless community the worst, who seem to love how cost effective these cigarettes are while still making you forget you’ve been drooling on the sidewalk for six hours straight. Cannabinoid addicts wandering the street are often referred to as “zombies,” which is appropriate, as they are the type of undead best known for being easily distracted and always hungry.

Except these ones aren’t so concerned with brains.

While K2 itself has been illegal for a while, manufacturers keep switching up its composition, leaving sellers (including many bodegas) with a comfortable uncertainty whether their product is or isn’t actually illegal. However, with the new national ban on synthetic cannabinoids and a slew of police raids, New York hospitals have seen an 85 percent reduction in K2-related medical emergencies and homeless zombie parades.

Still, if there’s one silver lining, it’s that, because of K2 existing, there must have been instances where angry parents shouted at their kids “Why can’t you just smoke weed like a normal person?” Now that’s progress.

1

NBOMe Is Lethal LSD With A Legal Loophole

Say you want to get into LSD. You’ve heard The Beatles were into it, so that’s pretty cool. But you’ve also heard LSD is very illegal, a controlled substance that can get you quite a bit of jail time. Not to worry, scumbag drug manufacturers have found just the thing for you: 25I-NBOMe, a new and exciting LSD-like narcotic that’s not illegal just yet. And the best part is, by the time bureaucracy catches up to this loophole, you’ll already be long dead from taking a highly unstable and untested chemical.

“McDonald’s? No way, that stuff’s full of chemicals.” – Hippie who then takes some NBOMe.

25I-NBOMe is one of the latest of a long line of “chemical analogs” (of which you know quite a few examples having read this article), variants of known narcotics that have been altered just enough that they can’t be considered the same as the household brands they’re imitating. This makes these analog drugs technically legal, in the same way that putting mirrors on your shoes is technically legal. Rogue chemists have been playing this cat-and-mouse game with the D.E.A. since the ’70s, always trying to be a few molecular changes ahead of the curve.

So if NBOMe is just the New Coke of LSD, why is it offing more teenagers than a camp serial killer? It turns out that its greatest asset is also what makes it so terribly dangerous. The value of chemical analogs lies in that they’re “slightly different” from their controlled cousins, but in chemistry, “slightly different” can turn your lungs into goo. And there’s no way of knowing what exactly NBOMe is capable of, as the drug was intended to be used only in animal experiments and no large human trials on its effects have ever been conducted. That means that 25I-NBOMe doesn’t have users, it only has guinea pigs.

“Hey, I removed one atom from that boring old ‘carbon dioxide.’ Wanna try some?”

Not that people know what they’re actually taking. The reason this particular variant is becoming so popular is because it’s 16 times stronger than its other NBOMe cousins. But people don’t tend to whip out their testing kits when someone hands them a sachet of white powder. It’s also quite a bit cheaper than LSD, so plenty of dealers try to pass it off as the brand name. The resulting trip is usually unpredictable and often fatal.

Deaths linked to NBOMe have been described as “violent.” One 18-year-old experienced such extreme depression after mistakenly taking the drug that he tried to commit suicide by stabbing himself repeatedly in the neck with a pair of scissors. Another appeared as if “possessed,” foaming at the mouth and smashing his head against the floor. Another teen jumped off a balcony to his death high on “N-Bomb.” He thought he had taken LSD. He also thought he could fly.

And we’ll never know if he was right because he died before we could find out.

Since it crept into drug culture in between 2010 and 2013, the NBOMe loophole has been all but closed. By 2015, most countries had rescheduled it as the dangerous narcotic that it is, making it much harder and riskier to obtain. But with NBOMe on its way out, it’s only a matter of time before some middling chemist without scruples finds another way to mod an existing drug into something not yet illegal. So the lesson here, kids, is that if you’re going to take drugs, stick to the brands you know and trust. And don’t do a taste test.

Cedric Voets is a total square who gets nervous popping an aspirin. For more of his attempts at witticisms or his famous recipes for toilet wine, do follow him on Twitter.

Also check out 5 Drugs That Turn Your World Into A Real-Life Horror Movie and 5 Awful Things I Learned About Drugs Working At A Pharmacy.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 4 Awful Ways Our Ancestors Got High, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and let’s be best friends forever.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/13/6-frightening-new-drugs-youve-never-heard-of/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/166341914167

[samanthasroberts]

6 Frightening New Drugs (You’ve Never Heard Of)

Since the dawn of time, mankind has endeavored to keep finding new ways to get totally shitfaced. And just because the gamut of known narcotics now ranges from a cheeky evening sherry to face-melting LSD doesn’t mean people have stopped looking for (cheaper) alternatives. So let’s take a look at the latest discoveries our often short-lived pharmaceutical pioneers have come up with.

6

People Are Abusing Their Pets’ Medication (And Their Pets)

Veterinarians may not be as well regarded as human doctors, but that doesn’t mean their work is any less difficult. Performing surgery on a cat is just as hard as it is on a person — except that if you screw up on a person, you can’t just bury them in a shoe box and call it a day (usually). Vets need about the same quality of tools and drugs to do their job properly. So it was only a matter of time before addicts figured out that if animal medication is good enough to knock out a Great Dane, it will probably also get them plenty high.

Hanna-Barbara It’s why Shaggy ditched weed and moved on to Scooby Snacks.

Unsurprisingly, most animal drugs aren’t much different than the stuff hospitals pump into us. (Try not to dwell on the fact that your healthcare’s probably not much better than your pug’s.) Heavy-duty pain relievers (like Tramadol), Valium, and even ketamine are generally available to ailing animals. The main difference between human and animal medication seems to be that one of them is a lot harder to obtain. Most of our happy pills are controlled substances, which means they’re carefully tracked. That’s not the case for animal meds, though, because nobody expects a horse to get hooked on … uh, horse.

But until legislation is put into place to stop these druggie pet owners, some states have started educating vets on how to deal with addicts coming into their practice to get high off their cat’s supply. They’re mainly taught to recognize suspicious behavior, like when owners try to get refills early, or ask for medication by name, or pretend their pet fell down the stairs but then not immediately show a YouTube video of the fall to prove it.

LuckyBusiness/iStock “Does that dog suppository fit in a pipe?” is another question that raises red flags.

But what if your pet is just too damn healthy to exploit? In 2002, one owner was caught having trained his dog to cough on command just so he could get his hands on some sweet cough medicine. But that takes a lot of work, so some addicts just resort to intentionally hurting their pets to get a fix. In Kentucky, a trash monster named Heather Pereira was discovered to have cut her dog with razor blades as an excuse to keep getting her paws on his pain medication. She was sentenced to four years in prison (28 in dog years). But that’s small potatoes compared to one small drug ring in Oregon, who used a puppy mill as a front to amass over 100,000 Tramadol pills, neglecting the puppies to the point that their crates had been flooded with their own feces. Those assholes managed to find a way to make standard drug dealers look like pillars of the community.

5

Drinking Russian Bath Lotions

In December 2016, over 100 people from the Siberian city of Irkutsk were rushed to the hospital due to alcohol-related poisoning (you may assume this is normal for Christmas in Siberia, but we assure you it is not). Their drink of choice? A strong beverage that will not only put hair on your chest, but also keep that hair silky and clean.

Biomed Even hotel minibars are getting in on the action.

Boyaryshnik is the most popular bath lotion in Siberia. Not because of the cleansing power of its hawthorn berries, but because Russians like to drink it. And while no one among us can claim that they’ve never considered chugging a bottle of delicious-smelling children’s shampoo, nobody is drinking it for its refreshing scent, but because it gets them fucked right up. The lotion has such a high alcohol content, poor Russians have been using it as a substitute for expensive vodka. But when a bad batch of lotion hit the streets of Irkutsk, the bath-time fun drink killed 61 people in record time. Instead of containing ethanol (the fun alcohol), the tainted Boyaryshnik contained methanol (the “I’m blind and I can’t feel my legs” alcohol) and antifreeze. Not exactly a party, unless your idea of a party entails shedding your physical body in order to board the mothership.

At this point it needs to be made very clear that this tragic incident didn’t happen because people started drinking bath lotion, but because they started drinking counterfeit bath lotion. This means some criminal ring thought it more profitable to make fake bath lotion than fake vodka. And they weren’t wrong. Today, over 12 million Russians drink surrogate alcohol, including perfume, after-shave, antifreeze, and window cleaner. Is it weird that some of those sound a lot more appealing than the others?

Your answer depends on how much you like blue Gatorade.

The reason for these soapy binges is mainly due to Vladimir Putin’s government, which has been steadily raising the tax on alcohol for years in order to curb excessive drinking and fill its coffers with booze money. This has left many Russians too poor to support their habit, turning to their shower caddies for sweet relief. Putin has promised to lower taxes in the future and divert the government’s attention to catching alcohol counterfeiters. Until then, Russians will just have to take pride in having the most fragrant alcoholics in the world.

4

Molly Usually Isn’t MDMA (But Something Way Crazier)

Molly is the uptown rich kid variant of ecstasy, a designer drug endorsed by paragons of cool like Jay-Z and Miley Cyrus. That must mean it’s safe as houses, right? Sure, MDMA is about as chill as hardcore drugs can get, but that pill you got off that guy juggling glow sticks? That isn’t molly. And it will probably melt your insides to a pulp.

Kind of like that other Molly. The one from the gym.

So what are these party people ingesting instead of their expensive designer drugs? It could be anything, really, from variants of meth to cannabinoids to even bath salts. All they have in common is that they’re definitely not molly and they’re definitely made by lazy idiots. Most of them are too new to have a unique name (or their makers couldn’t come up with a catchy one), so they just slid into the molly brand. Sometimes you can get “lucky” and stumble upon some chemist’s pet project like Bromo-Dragonfly, which is pretty much LSD but with “effects that can last for up to three days.” But a much more common narcotic cuckoo egg is benzylpiperazine, or BZP, the poster child for why this fake molly trend is so dangerous. BZP is incredibly easy to make, but takes a lot of cleanup to remove all of the toxins, which prevents massive kidney and liver damage — among many other terrible side effects. Dealers don’t care about that though, because it’s not like someone is going to call the Better Business Bureau and make a complaint.

They don’t worry about losing customers when their customer base is “everyone who clubs.”

Molly has become just another brand, a marketing slogan with about as much truth in advertising as “9 out of 10 dentists agree” or “Jamie Lee Curtis can help you poop better.” Its umbrella status has become such an issue that many molly-centric venues like EDM concerts, raves, and orgies have started setting up testing booths to make sure people know what’s in their entertainment for the evening. The result is quite staggering, with only typically a quarter of pills tested containing only MDMA — and just as many containing no MDMA whatsoever. Meanwhile, out of all the molly the DEA seized and tested between 2009 and 2013, only as few as 13 percent of the pills showed any trace of MDMA. You’re about as likely to get high on MDMA from some molly you bought in a warehouse loft as you would from buying Flintstones vitamins in a drugstore.

But you will get something to make you try to brake cars with your bare feet.

3

Fentanyl Can Kill A Person Just By Touching Them

Heroin might just be the scariest drug out there, especially to non-drug users. It feels like one of those drugs that, just by looking at a spoonful, could ruin your life, your health, and just about every tooth you have. But guess what, you nerd? Heroin is for wimps now. Real tough-guy addicts take fentanyl, an opioid so strong it’s the last high you’ll ever need. Or have, for that matter.

As the marketing slogan says, “Fentanyl: It’s fatyl.”

The entire fentanyl family of opioids is just a carousel of the worst horrors drugs imaginable. Like pink, a type of fentanyl that was given its cutesy name because snorting any more than what fits on the tip of a pinky is enough to kill you. In fact, just touching this shit is enough to go into cardiac arrest. Typically, one grain of a fentanyl-based drug has the same potency as a hit of heroin. Two grains will make you overdose. Not that that’s terrifyingly risky. After all, heroin addicts are known for their steady hands and attention to detail.

Then there’s carfentanil, which is like regular fentanyl except that you’re about as likely to survive a hit of it as you would a ten-car pile-up. It’s roughly 100 times more powerful than regular fentanyl and 10,000 times more so than morphine. That’s because carfentanil was never intended for human consumption: It’s an elephant tranquilizer. The only time its effect on humans was ever considered was to test how quickly it could kill them.

The answer: slightly faster than the elephant.

Ironically, it’s because of the potency of the fentanyl family that they’re incredibly easy drugs to obtain. In Canada, for example, border guards cannot open packages weighing less than 30 grams without consent — and 30 grams of fentanyl is enough to last a lifetime (which for fentanyl users is about half an hour), making them a cinch to smuggle. This easy access has been a scourge on Canada, being partially responsible for increasing overdoses tenfold in just one year.

So how come it’s easier to score mega-heroin than it is just good old classic heroin? Fittingly, this dragon also comes all the way from the home of the opioid, China. China has no real regulations against manufacturing or distributing fentanyl-based substances — and it doesn’t look like that’ll be changing anytime soon. Over the internet, dozens if not hundreds of small, shady pharmaceutical companies are openly selling their fentanyl to clients around the globe. This makes this very dangerous drug about as easy to buy as a cheap iPhone case and for about the same cost.

And with an equal probability of improving your already shitty life.

2

Synthetic Weed Is Turning The Homeless Into Zombies

With the rapid legalization of cannabis across the United States, weed is getting a bit of an image change. No longer is it just the drug of choice for lazy stoners and geriatric hippies — it’s on the cusp of becoming as acceptable as drinking a beer or taking a sniff of nail polish. Of course, these good vibrations couldn’t last forever. Enter K2, Mary Jane’s dirtbag meth-head cousin.

Instead of using cannabis leaves, K2 (like the famous mountain) or Scooby Snax (like the famous talking dog treats), K2 combines all of the natural goodness of oregano, which was what most college kids were smoking anyway, with the chemical garbage that are synthetic drugs. A K2 cigarette contains regular dried herbs with shitty chemical cannabinoids to make them more awesome. It’s basically the Axe Body Spray of narcotics.

But K2 is a lot more dangerous than regular marijuana. Cannabinoids may have the same effect as THC, but have a lot more bad side effects. In 2015, over 6,000 emergency room visits involving K2 occurred in New York City alone, with two deaths already confirmed. This epidemic has been hitting the homeless community the worst, who seem to love how cost effective these cigarettes are while still making you forget you’ve been drooling on the sidewalk for six hours straight. Cannabinoid addicts wandering the street are often referred to as “zombies,” which is appropriate, as they are the type of undead best known for being easily distracted and always hungry.

Except these ones aren’t so concerned with brains.

While K2 itself has been illegal for a while, manufacturers keep switching up its composition, leaving sellers (including many bodegas) with a comfortable uncertainty whether their product is or isn’t actually illegal. However, with the new national ban on synthetic cannabinoids and a slew of police raids, New York hospitals have seen an 85 percent reduction in K2-related medical emergencies and homeless zombie parades.

Still, if there’s one silver lining, it’s that, because of K2 existing, there must have been instances where angry parents shouted at their kids “Why can’t you just smoke weed like a normal person?” Now that’s progress.

1

NBOMe Is Lethal LSD With A Legal Loophole

Say you want to get into LSD. You’ve heard The Beatles were into it, so that’s pretty cool. But you’ve also heard LSD is very illegal, a controlled substance that can get you quite a bit of jail time. Not to worry, scumbag drug manufacturers have found just the thing for you: 25I-NBOMe, a new and exciting LSD-like narcotic that’s not illegal just yet. And the best part is, by the time bureaucracy catches up to this loophole, you’ll already be long dead from taking a highly unstable and untested chemical.

“McDonald’s? No way, that stuff’s full of chemicals.” – Hippie who then takes some NBOMe.

25I-NBOMe is one of the latest of a long line of “chemical analogs” (of which you know quite a few examples having read this article), variants of known narcotics that have been altered just enough that they can’t be considered the same as the household brands they’re imitating. This makes these analog drugs technically legal, in the same way that putting mirrors on your shoes is technically legal. Rogue chemists have been playing this cat-and-mouse game with the D.E.A. since the ’70s, always trying to be a few molecular changes ahead of the curve.

So if NBOMe is just the New Coke of LSD, why is it offing more teenagers than a camp serial killer? It turns out that its greatest asset is also what makes it so terribly dangerous. The value of chemical analogs lies in that they’re “slightly different” from their controlled cousins, but in chemistry, “slightly different” can turn your lungs into goo. And there’s no way of knowing what exactly NBOMe is capable of, as the drug was intended to be used only in animal experiments and no large human trials on its effects have ever been conducted. That means that 25I-NBOMe doesn’t have users, it only has guinea pigs.

“Hey, I removed one atom from that boring old ‘carbon dioxide.’ Wanna try some?”

Not that people know what they’re actually taking. The reason this particular variant is becoming so popular is because it’s 16 times stronger than its other NBOMe cousins. But people don’t tend to whip out their testing kits when someone hands them a sachet of white powder. It’s also quite a bit cheaper than LSD, so plenty of dealers try to pass it off as the brand name. The resulting trip is usually unpredictable and often fatal.

Deaths linked to NBOMe have been described as “violent.” One 18-year-old experienced such extreme depression after mistakenly taking the drug that he tried to commit suicide by stabbing himself repeatedly in the neck with a pair of scissors. Another appeared as if “possessed,” foaming at the mouth and smashing his head against the floor. Another teen jumped off a balcony to his death high on “N-Bomb.” He thought he had taken LSD. He also thought he could fly.

And we’ll never know if he was right because he died before we could find out.

Since it crept into drug culture in between 2010 and 2013, the NBOMe loophole has been all but closed. By 2015, most countries had rescheduled it as the dangerous narcotic that it is, making it much harder and riskier to obtain. But with NBOMe on its way out, it’s only a matter of time before some middling chemist without scruples finds another way to mod an existing drug into something not yet illegal. So the lesson here, kids, is that if you’re going to take drugs, stick to the brands you know and trust. And don’t do a taste test.

Cedric Voets is a total square who gets nervous popping an aspirin. For more of his attempts at witticisms or his famous recipes for toilet wine, do follow him on Twitter.

Also check out 5 Drugs That Turn Your World Into A Real-Life Horror Movie and 5 Awful Things I Learned About Drugs Working At A Pharmacy.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 4 Awful Ways Our Ancestors Got High, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and let’s be best friends forever.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/13/6-frightening-new-drugs-youve-never-heard-of/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/13/6-frightening-new-drugs-youve-never-heard-of/

[allofbeercom]

6 Frightening New Drugs (You’ve Never Heard Of)

Since the dawn of time, mankind has endeavored to keep finding new ways to get totally shitfaced. And just because the gamut of known narcotics now ranges from a cheeky evening sherry to face-melting LSD doesn’t mean people have stopped looking for (cheaper) alternatives. So let’s take a look at the latest discoveries our often short-lived pharmaceutical pioneers have come up with.

6

People Are Abusing Their Pets’ Medication (And Their Pets)

Veterinarians may not be as well regarded as human doctors, but that doesn’t mean their work is any less difficult. Performing surgery on a cat is just as hard as it is on a person — except that if you screw up on a person, you can’t just bury them in a shoe box and call it a day (usually). Vets need about the same quality of tools and drugs to do their job properly. So it was only a matter of time before addicts figured out that if animal medication is good enough to knock out a Great Dane, it will probably also get them plenty high.

Hanna-Barbara It’s why Shaggy ditched weed and moved on to Scooby Snacks.

Unsurprisingly, most animal drugs aren’t much different than the stuff hospitals pump into us. (Try not to dwell on the fact that your healthcare’s probably not much better than your pug’s.) Heavy-duty pain relievers (like Tramadol), Valium, and even ketamine are generally available to ailing animals. The main difference between human and animal medication seems to be that one of them is a lot harder to obtain. Most of our happy pills are controlled substances, which means they’re carefully tracked. That’s not the case for animal meds, though, because nobody expects a horse to get hooked on … uh, horse.

But until legislation is put into place to stop these druggie pet owners, some states have started educating vets on how to deal with addicts coming into their practice to get high off their cat’s supply. They’re mainly taught to recognize suspicious behavior, like when owners try to get refills early, or ask for medication by name, or pretend their pet fell down the stairs but then not immediately show a YouTube video of the fall to prove it.

LuckyBusiness/iStock “Does that dog suppository fit in a pipe?” is another question that raises red flags.

But what if your pet is just too damn healthy to exploit? In 2002, one owner was caught having trained his dog to cough on command just so he could get his hands on some sweet cough medicine. But that takes a lot of work, so some addicts just resort to intentionally hurting their pets to get a fix. In Kentucky, a trash monster named Heather Pereira was discovered to have cut her dog with razor blades as an excuse to keep getting her paws on his pain medication. She was sentenced to four years in prison (28 in dog years). But that’s small potatoes compared to one small drug ring in Oregon, who used a puppy mill as a front to amass over 100,000 Tramadol pills, neglecting the puppies to the point that their crates had been flooded with their own feces. Those assholes managed to find a way to make standard drug dealers look like pillars of the community.

5

Drinking Russian Bath Lotions

In December 2016, over 100 people from the Siberian city of Irkutsk were rushed to the hospital due to alcohol-related poisoning (you may assume this is normal for Christmas in Siberia, but we assure you it is not). Their drink of choice? A strong beverage that will not only put hair on your chest, but also keep that hair silky and clean.

Biomed Even hotel minibars are getting in on the action.

Boyaryshnik is the most popular bath lotion in Siberia. Not because of the cleansing power of its hawthorn berries, but because Russians like to drink it. And while no one among us can claim that they’ve never considered chugging a bottle of delicious-smelling children’s shampoo, nobody is drinking it for its refreshing scent, but because it gets them fucked right up. The lotion has such a high alcohol content, poor Russians have been using it as a substitute for expensive vodka. But when a bad batch of lotion hit the streets of Irkutsk, the bath-time fun drink killed 61 people in record time. Instead of containing ethanol (the fun alcohol), the tainted Boyaryshnik contained methanol (the “I’m blind and I can’t feel my legs” alcohol) and antifreeze. Not exactly a party, unless your idea of a party entails shedding your physical body in order to board the mothership.

At this point it needs to be made very clear that this tragic incident didn’t happen because people started drinking bath lotion, but because they started drinking counterfeit bath lotion. This means some criminal ring thought it more profitable to make fake bath lotion than fake vodka. And they weren’t wrong. Today, over 12 million Russians drink surrogate alcohol, including perfume, after-shave, antifreeze, and window cleaner. Is it weird that some of those sound a lot more appealing than the others?

Your answer depends on how much you like blue Gatorade.

The reason for these soapy binges is mainly due to Vladimir Putin’s government, which has been steadily raising the tax on alcohol for years in order to curb excessive drinking and fill its coffers with booze money. This has left many Russians too poor to support their habit, turning to their shower caddies for sweet relief. Putin has promised to lower taxes in the future and divert the government’s attention to catching alcohol counterfeiters. Until then, Russians will just have to take pride in having the most fragrant alcoholics in the world.

4

Molly Usually Isn’t MDMA (But Something Way Crazier)

Molly is the uptown rich kid variant of ecstasy, a designer drug endorsed by paragons of cool like Jay-Z and Miley Cyrus. That must mean it’s safe as houses, right? Sure, MDMA is about as chill as hardcore drugs can get, but that pill you got off that guy juggling glow sticks? That isn’t molly. And it will probably melt your insides to a pulp.

Kind of like that other Molly. The one from the gym.

So what are these party people ingesting instead of their expensive designer drugs? It could be anything, really, from variants of meth to cannabinoids to even bath salts. All they have in common is that they’re definitely not molly and they’re definitely made by lazy idiots. Most of them are too new to have a unique name (or their makers couldn’t come up with a catchy one), so they just slid into the molly brand. Sometimes you can get “lucky” and stumble upon some chemist’s pet project like Bromo-Dragonfly, which is pretty much LSD but with “effects that can last for up to three days.” But a much more common narcotic cuckoo egg is benzylpiperazine, or BZP, the poster child for why this fake molly trend is so dangerous. BZP is incredibly easy to make, but takes a lot of cleanup to remove all of the toxins, which prevents massive kidney and liver damage — among many other terrible side effects. Dealers don’t care about that though, because it’s not like someone is going to call the Better Business Bureau and make a complaint.

They don’t worry about losing customers when their customer base is “everyone who clubs.”

Molly has become just another brand, a marketing slogan with about as much truth in advertising as “9 out of 10 dentists agree” or “Jamie Lee Curtis can help you poop better.” Its umbrella status has become such an issue that many molly-centric venues like EDM concerts, raves, and orgies have started setting up testing booths to make sure people know what’s in their entertainment for the evening. The result is quite staggering, with only typically a quarter of pills tested containing only MDMA — and just as many containing no MDMA whatsoever. Meanwhile, out of all the molly the DEA seized and tested between 2009 and 2013, only as few as 13 percent of the pills showed any trace of MDMA. You’re about as likely to get high on MDMA from some molly you bought in a warehouse loft as you would from buying Flintstones vitamins in a drugstore.

But you will get something to make you try to brake cars with your bare feet.

3

Fentanyl Can Kill A Person Just By Touching Them

Heroin might just be the scariest drug out there, especially to non-drug users. It feels like one of those drugs that, just by looking at a spoonful, could ruin your life, your health, and just about every tooth you have. But guess what, you nerd? Heroin is for wimps now. Real tough-guy addicts take fentanyl, an opioid so strong it’s the last high you’ll ever need. Or have, for that matter.

As the marketing slogan says, “Fentanyl: It’s fatyl.”

The entire fentanyl family of opioids is just a carousel of the worst horrors drugs imaginable. Like pink, a type of fentanyl that was given its cutesy name because snorting any more than what fits on the tip of a pinky is enough to kill you. In fact, just touching this shit is enough to go into cardiac arrest. Typically, one grain of a fentanyl-based drug has the same potency as a hit of heroin. Two grains will make you overdose. Not that that’s terrifyingly risky. After all, heroin addicts are known for their steady hands and attention to detail.

Then there’s carfentanil, which is like regular fentanyl except that you’re about as likely to survive a hit of it as you would a ten-car pile-up. It’s roughly 100 times more powerful than regular fentanyl and 10,000 times more so than morphine. That’s because carfentanil was never intended for human consumption: It’s an elephant tranquilizer. The only time its effect on humans was ever considered was to test how quickly it could kill them.

The answer: slightly faster than the elephant.

Ironically, it’s because of the potency of the fentanyl family that they’re incredibly easy drugs to obtain. In Canada, for example, border guards cannot open packages weighing less than 30 grams without consent — and 30 grams of fentanyl is enough to last a lifetime (which for fentanyl users is about half an hour), making them a cinch to smuggle. This easy access has been a scourge on Canada, being partially responsible for increasing overdoses tenfold in just one year.

So how come it’s easier to score mega-heroin than it is just good old classic heroin? Fittingly, this dragon also comes all the way from the home of the opioid, China. China has no real regulations against manufacturing or distributing fentanyl-based substances — and it doesn’t look like that’ll be changing anytime soon. Over the internet, dozens if not hundreds of small, shady pharmaceutical companies are openly selling their fentanyl to clients around the globe. This makes this very dangerous drug about as easy to buy as a cheap iPhone case and for about the same cost.

And with an equal probability of improving your already shitty life.

2

Synthetic Weed Is Turning The Homeless Into Zombies

With the rapid legalization of cannabis across the United States, weed is getting a bit of an image change. No longer is it just the drug of choice for lazy stoners and geriatric hippies — it’s on the cusp of becoming as acceptable as drinking a beer or taking a sniff of nail polish. Of course, these good vibrations couldn’t last forever. Enter K2, Mary Jane’s dirtbag meth-head cousin.

Instead of using cannabis leaves, K2 (like the famous mountain) or Scooby Snax (like the famous talking dog treats), K2 combines all of the natural goodness of oregano, which was what most college kids were smoking anyway, with the chemical garbage that are synthetic drugs. A K2 cigarette contains regular dried herbs with shitty chemical cannabinoids to make them more awesome. It’s basically the Axe Body Spray of narcotics.

But K2 is a lot more dangerous than regular marijuana. Cannabinoids may have the same effect as THC, but have a lot more bad side effects. In 2015, over 6,000 emergency room visits involving K2 occurred in New York City alone, with two deaths already confirmed. This epidemic has been hitting the homeless community the worst, who seem to love how cost effective these cigarettes are while still making you forget you’ve been drooling on the sidewalk for six hours straight. Cannabinoid addicts wandering the street are often referred to as “zombies,” which is appropriate, as they are the type of undead best known for being easily distracted and always hungry.

Except these ones aren’t so concerned with brains.

While K2 itself has been illegal for a while, manufacturers keep switching up its composition, leaving sellers (including many bodegas) with a comfortable uncertainty whether their product is or isn’t actually illegal. However, with the new national ban on synthetic cannabinoids and a slew of police raids, New York hospitals have seen an 85 percent reduction in K2-related medical emergencies and homeless zombie parades.

Still, if there’s one silver lining, it’s that, because of K2 existing, there must have been instances where angry parents shouted at their kids “Why can’t you just smoke weed like a normal person?” Now that’s progress.

1

NBOMe Is Lethal LSD With A Legal Loophole

Say you want to get into LSD. You’ve heard The Beatles were into it, so that’s pretty cool. But you’ve also heard LSD is very illegal, a controlled substance that can get you quite a bit of jail time. Not to worry, scumbag drug manufacturers have found just the thing for you: 25I-NBOMe, a new and exciting LSD-like narcotic that’s not illegal just yet. And the best part is, by the time bureaucracy catches up to this loophole, you’ll already be long dead from taking a highly unstable and untested chemical.

“McDonald’s? No way, that stuff’s full of chemicals.” – Hippie who then takes some NBOMe.

25I-NBOMe is one of the latest of a long line of “chemical analogs” (of which you know quite a few examples having read this article), variants of known narcotics that have been altered just enough that they can’t be considered the same as the household brands they’re imitating. This makes these analog drugs technically legal, in the same way that putting mirrors on your shoes is technically legal. Rogue chemists have been playing this cat-and-mouse game with the D.E.A. since the ’70s, always trying to be a few molecular changes ahead of the curve.

So if NBOMe is just the New Coke of LSD, why is it offing more teenagers than a camp serial killer? It turns out that its greatest asset is also what makes it so terribly dangerous. The value of chemical analogs lies in that they’re “slightly different” from their controlled cousins, but in chemistry, “slightly different” can turn your lungs into goo. And there’s no way of knowing what exactly NBOMe is capable of, as the drug was intended to be used only in animal experiments and no large human trials on its effects have ever been conducted. That means that 25I-NBOMe doesn’t have users, it only has guinea pigs.

“Hey, I removed one atom from that boring old ‘carbon dioxide.’ Wanna try some?”

Not that people know what they’re actually taking. The reason this particular variant is becoming so popular is because it’s 16 times stronger than its other NBOMe cousins. But people don’t tend to whip out their testing kits when someone hands them a sachet of white powder. It’s also quite a bit cheaper than LSD, so plenty of dealers try to pass it off as the brand name. The resulting trip is usually unpredictable and often fatal.

Deaths linked to NBOMe have been described as “violent.” One 18-year-old experienced such extreme depression after mistakenly taking the drug that he tried to commit suicide by stabbing himself repeatedly in the neck with a pair of scissors. Another appeared as if “possessed,” foaming at the mouth and smashing his head against the floor. Another teen jumped off a balcony to his death high on “N-Bomb.” He thought he had taken LSD. He also thought he could fly.

And we’ll never know if he was right because he died before we could find out.

Since it crept into drug culture in between 2010 and 2013, the NBOMe loophole has been all but closed. By 2015, most countries had rescheduled it as the dangerous narcotic that it is, making it much harder and riskier to obtain. But with NBOMe on its way out, it’s only a matter of time before some middling chemist without scruples finds another way to mod an existing drug into something not yet illegal. So the lesson here, kids, is that if you’re going to take drugs, stick to the brands you know and trust. And don’t do a taste test.

Cedric Voets is a total square who gets nervous popping an aspirin. For more of his attempts at witticisms or his famous recipes for toilet wine, do follow him on Twitter.

Also check out 5 Drugs That Turn Your World Into A Real-Life Horror Movie and 5 Awful Things I Learned About Drugs Working At A Pharmacy.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 4 Awful Ways Our Ancestors Got High, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and let’s be best friends forever.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/13/6-frightening-new-drugs-youve-never-heard-of/

[poisonedpan]

Dancing With Wolves - 03/2015 - Section 24

Florida. Regardless of how many times I’d find myself coming back to Florida, nothing ever changed. Still the same snowbirds that covered the streets for the majority of the year. The same people that would smoke and drink at the jetty. The same old people that complained about noise. The same heat that made you feel like you were suffocating. The same white walls. The same depression. Nothing changed. Things have to be different this time. I kept telling myself that. The only way that I was going to move forward in my life is if I didn’t think negatively here. I had to be happy. I had to take the good with the bad. I had to turn any negative emotion into a happy one. Drew quickly was one of the few things that kept me sane in Florida. She was dating the dude that she met off Tinder – the one from when we were in Vegas. It’s funny how life works out sometimes. She seemed happy. His name was Kyle. Kyle seemed like a good guy, respectful. I thought pretty high of him. That says a lot considering I knew he was dating my best friend, and she deserved the best. The first day back in Florida. I wanted to keep a pretty low profile. I didn’t make plans with anyone. I wanted to just find myself outside of my head and take in all the thoughts that were going through me right now. I had this voice in my head that just repeatedly wondered if I had made the wrong decision. I looked at my mom. I could tell by the way that she looks at me that she was always worried about me. In some way, I feel like I cause her more stress than anything else in her life. I didn’t really mean to. Sometimes I felt guilty about it. My sister and I got along the first day. We usually did on the first day though. We’d sit and talk about all these different things, blinding ourselves from the fact that we don’t always get along. I spent the night in my room. I wanted to just listen to music and drown out the thoughts. I knew that this decision was one of the more mature ones I did. There wasn’t anything positive surrounding my mind in San Francisco. I felt like I had all these beautiful friendships, and they all wanted my best interest. I didn’t want my best interest though. Nobody knew how to help me, and fortunately I didn’t want to be helped. Getting off meth was easy for me. There wasn’t anyone here that I knew that messed with it. I wasn’t out searching for new connections. It was something I did sometimes to kill time, or because I just wanted to get high. I wasn’t ever craving it. The following day, I went to Siesta Key with Morgan. Morgan was one of these girls that I met in high school. We were both pretty reckless, and I think our friendship would’ve been chaotic if we ever hung out more than what we did. We get along great though. I knew that she did drugs, but I’m not sure which ones. I could just tell that she was usually on something. I had some Straw-Ber-Itas. I had a whole box that was shoved in my backpack. We drank on the way to the beach with her friends. They were pretty cool, different but cool. There wasn’t a single person that gave a fuck. A fuck about anything. As the day went on. I got drunker. I tried to flirt with these guys that were obviously straight. San Francisco got kind of boring, because there wasn’t that many straight guys. At least in the circles that I hung around in. I liked variety. I knew that I was going to get sunburnt. Although, that was one of the best parts about my skin. I would burn the first day and then be able to tan for the rest of the summer with no problem. I didn’t fuck with sunscreen. Everyone was going to the drum circle. These cops on their little ATVs started riding around to make sure that nobody had pot or alcohol. Pot is a huge deal in Florida. You can literally shoot up heroin on the beach, no problem. If you’re smoking a blunt, or have a nickel bag in your pocket, you’re going to jail and being placed on probation. God forbid you smoke the devils lettuce. I hid the bag under a bunch of sand, and continued to clean up the mess with my friends. The cops just noticed that we were cleaning and leaving. I didn’t want to leave the weed there, but the guys whose it was kind of left. I didn’t know where he went. I started walking, and then I heard my name being called. “You still have the weed?” the guy said. “I hid it because of the cops,” I said. I knew that it sounded bad. Either I wouldn’t be able to find it, or he thought I stole it. “Want to go find it?” I’m pretty good at navigating. Especially when I’m drunk. I never know how I do it, but I usually find random ass things. The pot wasn’t that hard to find. I knew where we were sitting from some leftover trash. “You’re the best,” the guy said, as he grabbed the pot. I wasn’t the best. I just wasn’t brain dead and knew where I hid stuff. I also wasn’t going to get in trouble on my second day back here, regardless of how petty the charges would be. Siesta Key Beach. One of the only great things about living in Sarasota. There was something so magical about the beach, especially the drum circle. I loved listening to the music, dancing as if nobody was watching. I felt drunk, but I felt like my body was in a world of it’s own and there was nothing but music controlling it. I didn’t hate Florida right now. In fact, this may be exactly where I needed to be right now. Savannah and Gwen met up with us later. Savannah is my twin. She’s one of the few people that helped me shatter my insecurities. Gwen is one of those girls that I still have a major crush on, regardless of my sexual orientation. There was just something about her that intrigued me. “Call me Violet now,” she said. Violet, or Gwen had these big lips for her small petite body, and it made me always want to kiss her the second I looked at them. The three of us went away from the beach for a minute to smoke. We sat on this abandoned little pier outside some house. I felt warm, sitting here smoking with two people that would never judge me. I didn’t think judgement was even possible. I felt great. Savannah knew how to make me laugh. I think one of the reasons that we were so close is that she knew my strengths and my weaknesses. We both knew each other like the back of our hands. Sometimes that’s a blessing, and sometimes it’s a curse. Either one of us could break each other so quickly. Our friendship isn’t like that anymore. We used to have a rocky friendship, but that was just trying to figure out who we were, and where we wanted in life. It was saying things out of spite. I loved Savannah though. I loved the way her mind worked. I loved our conversations. I couldn’t talk to any other person about as much as I talk to her about. I trusted her with my life. I took another hit off the pipe and then we went back to the beach. We drank some more vodka. We all danced throughout the night, letting the alcohol move our bodies to the beat of the drums. I laughed. I felt healed on so many levels. This is where I needed to be at this point. The next day I reconnected with my friend Angie. Angie was one of these girls from high school that I started drinking with. Angie was there when I realized how much I liked alcohol, and our friendship has become something so unique ever since then. We used to have a circle of friends. Most of those people don’t hang out the way that we hung out now. There were new people. This girl named Justine. Justine reminded me of a pretty Amanda Bynes, that’s not so insane. Justine was someone that you wanted to make laugh, because she had a pretty laugh. Everyone knew it. Justine was also someone that was fun to get drunk, but only to a certain point. Sometimes when she’s upset, her drinking only fuels her anger. Then there was Chris. I knew Chris from name before this year. He was someone that I heard about at school, but our circles never collided. Chris was someone that if you turn an instrumental on, he’d make up a rap for it. He was pretty good at it. I liked the way that he thought so fast for himself. Then there was Jake. Jake was fucking crazy as fuck. I didn’t know much about him, other than he was super funny. I liked him the more he drank. Now that I was becoming more of a ‘beer’ drinker. I felt different hanging out at Angies house. I used to hate the taste of beer. I thought it was trash. I thought that if you wanted to get drunk that you would drink Vodka or Tequila. There wasn’t anything special about beer. I thought it just made you fat. The first few days of me being back in Florida was just me reconnecting with some friends. I’ve spent time with my skating friends, Lily and Zach. I spent time with my dancing friend, Victoria. I spent time with my party friends, Angie, Justine and the squad. I spent time with Drew. I felt like Florida wasn’t as suffocating as it used to be. Maybe it was the mere fact that I was trying to have a different viewpoint about life. I wasn’t trying to make Florida seem like hell. I wanted to help myself. The following weekend my mom and I went to Siesta Key. My mom was fun. I hadn’t gone to the beach with her in a long time. It was nice to sit on the shore and talk to her about life. The older I’ve gotten, the more that I appreciate talking to my parents. I think one of the main reasons I’m not suicidal anymore is because I feel like my parents will always listen. There could be anything wrong with me, and my parents would listen. We went to some restaurant. I wasn’t old enough to drink yet, although I was still waiting patiently. I wanted to try their margaritas. I didn’t know how long I was going to be in Florida. I wasn’t sure if I was going to stay until we all moved to Arizona. I think that’s why these moments I can spend with my mom was so valuable to me. It didn’t take long for my boredom to kick in. Drew was really caught up in her new relationship that she’d come over for a bit, but then eventually have to go meet up with Kyle. I usually hang out with Angie and the squad at night. I just wanted to find something to preoccupy my time during the day. That’s what Grindr was for. I don’t know when it happened. I stopped believing in actual relationships. I knew that it wasn’t healthy. I didn’t trust people my age though. I knew that I would get all caught up with someone, and they’d eventually cheat on me. It’s just how our generation of people work. Everyone fucks everyone. Our society has become polyamorous. I used Grindr to get what I want sexually and emotionally. I didn’t like strings. I thought they were messy. I hated feeling like I was annoying someone, and I hated being annoyed. So I just fucked. I think the reason I’m attracted to older guys is because they know what they want. They just want someone that feels nice. They want someone to make them feel wanted, whether it be for five minutes or five hours. I could manage that. As soon as I would cum, I could put my pants back on and crawl back into my own bed. I didn’t have to worry about cuddling, or saying some stupid romantic shit that nobody really means. My friend Victoria and I went to Busch Gardens a week later. Victoria was a genuine person. I actually really valued our friendship, I just didn’t know how our friendship worked. We were two completely different people, just brought together by the power of Britney Spears and Beyonce. Sea World was fun. I hadn’t ever been. I’ve always been fascinated with the ocean, and they had some really neat Marine Biology stuff here. I felt like I learned more than just how to have fun. The best part is. I didn’t even drink. I spent the day sober and I still had fun.

“So, the movers are going to come at the end of April,” my mom said to me, one night when I was still home. “Okay?” I asked. I didn’t spend a lot of time home anymore, but I didn’t like leaving until my mom was asleep. My mom went to bed fairly early, and I stayed out pretty late. It wasn’t ever a problem for me to move my schedule back a couple hours so I could spend some time with her while she was awake. “Your dad and I was wondering if you wanted to fly out there when they did that,” my mom said. “Just so you’d be there when they dropped it off.” It didn’t take me half a millisecond to say yes to that. I was going to make these next few weeks in Florida amazingly fun then. Angie, Justine and I drove up somewhere an hour away to get some guy named Adam. Adam was fucking hot. There were also these girls named Angel and Lila. I knew them both from name and from facebook, but don’t believe I’ve ever actually been introduced. We all slammed vodka in the backseat on the way up there. I don’t condone drinking and driving. I was just drinking and someone else was driving. Therefore, there was no real problem. We all got drunk. Lila and Angel became my best friends super quickly. I called them both Felicia’s. The whole term “Bye Felicia” was one of the few that stuck with me overtime. I don’t really know why it resurfaced in my slang words, but when it did there was no going back from it. It became the name of our group. Chance and the Felicias. Drew and I went to Miami with Kyle. Drew was thinking about transferring over there for school in the fall. I really liked how happy she was. I could just hear it in her voice that she was looking forward to this. I don’t think our friendship would ever fade. She’ll always be my best friend. I know that in life, we’ll be separated more. Our lives are taking us to different places, but there isn’t enough distance that would ever take away how important our friendship is. Miami was beautiful. If my parents would have moved to this side when we moved to Florida, I may have never left. There was actual life here. I saw this beautiful side of Florida. Sexy ass people, sexy cars, sexy bars. I saw people dancing, selling drugs, sitting on the beach not giving a fuck. I could see this be a place that I wanted to visit more. This could be a place that I wanted to live half the year in. Drew and Kyle have only been dating for a few months, but they don’t act like it. They’ve already moved past the honeymoon phase. They argue and bicker all the time. I think it’s mostly because they know each other so well now. I could tell that Drew was really into him, because she was even considering moving to Miami with him. Kyle had uptight friends. They were pretty cool at some times, but I could tell they were mostly about money and appearance.  I was annoyed for two different reasons. One, I felt like they looked down on me most of the time. I was nothing more than some Venice trailer trash piece of shit to them. I felt like they looked down on most people that didn’t have their parents credit cards, and driving a new Benz. Secondly, I was jealous. I wanted this lifestyle. I used to dream about my parents having this kind of money. I wanted to be living in a huge house like this in the middle of fucking Miami. Of course I was a little petty about it. We eventually headed back to Venice. I really liked spending time with Drew and Kyle though. I felt like I was slowly starting to get to know him better. I trusted him more. I thought that he was different than the guy I thought he would be. We’re more alike than I thought we were, even though we come from different worlds. We’ve battled the same demons. Florida was finally starting to come to an end. There was a piece of me that was having to try harder to push the negativity away from my mind. The more the days counted down until moving day, the more I felt like I was about to be suffocated. Florida did that though. I spent my days doing the same things. Drew would come over. We’d play video games, drink sometimes, swim in the pool, eat pizza or have a dance party. I’d go to Angie’s. I’d drink with her and Justine, and laugh until the sun came up about so many different things in life. Every night was the same, but it was never boring. Today was the day that the movers were coming. I spent the night drunk as fuck, and waking up from it wasn’t that fun. I felt like shit. Angie had us buy this fruit loop vodka. It tasted literally like fruit loops. Although, it doesn’t really hit you until way after you drink it. The movers knew that I was fucked up. That part didn’t bother me much though. They weren’t hot. They weren’t hot in the slightest bit. Although, I was bored, sex-deprived and still a little drunk so I did a little flirting. It wasn’t much, nothing too out there. They probably didn’t even think I was flirting, just friendly. I just wanted something to pass the time a little faster. Florida was good for me to finally be normal again. I didn’t do drugs. I actually did find some methheads in the area, and I blocked their numbers. I didn’t see a point in going back down that road. I’ve spent a few months clean. (Kyle doesn’t like me using the term clean because he’s actually in AA and NA, and I can’t say I’m clean if I’m drunk as fuck a majority of the time.) I didn’t feel the need to do drugs though. I felt like I wasn’t depressed anymore. At least for the most part. I didn’t fantasize running razors through my wrists all day long. As much as I hated Florida, I think it saved me this time. I was ready to see where else life would take me.

[greenday924-blog1]

“Where’s Billie?” “I think he’s in the bathroom.” Mike said. I walked over past the staircase and to the bathroom door.I knocked on it lightly. “Billie,you in there?” It was silent. “Billie?” “Oh..uh yeah?I’m fine.” “Need anything?Water?” “No…I’m fine.” I was quite concerned about him.I walked away from the bathroom and out into the kitchen. “Mike,Trè.C'mon,I’ll show you your rooms.” They got up slowly without trying to fall down flat on their faces.I started a few steps up the stairs and I looked at Sam. “You wanna stay the night?” “Nah,I’m running out of time.I gotta get home.My mom will freak if I’m not home in the morning.” “Alright.Stay here for a minute.I’ll be right back.” I started up the stairs and took a left into the hallway.I unlocked all of the doors in that side of the hallway and continued to unlock the rest of the doors except mine.I walked back down stairs and Sam was coming from the direction of the bathroom. “I told Billie that you were going to unlock his room for the night.He said that I’ll be here.” “Is he ok?” “Don’t know.Anyways I gotta get home.” She headed towards the door about to leave. “Hold on.I’ll walk you home.” “It’s alright I’ll be fi-” “Sam please.I don’t want a repeat of what happened last time.” She stood in silence. “C'mon.Lets go.” I headed out the door,locking it behind me. We headed down the sidewalk standing side by side. “I didn’t want you to get hurt like last time Sam.I care about you.” “I know you do but that was 2 years ago.I don’t think he even lives in California anymore.” “It doesn’t matter.There’s a lot of other creeps out there that are worse.” Sam lives about 7 blocks away from me.That’s where the town isn’t the nicest to her. We arrived at her front door and I stood there with her,watching her fumble with her keys. “Sam?” “Yeah?” I stopped and tried to think what I wanted to do. “Nevermind.” I turned around to walk away but she had stopped me by grabbing my shoulder,turning me around. I looked at her.We both were empty but I couldn’t stand to see her so hollow. I pressed my lips against hers quickly and pulled away.We stood there looking at each other. I panicked. “I’m…I’m sorry.I gotta go.”

I ran off down the sidewalk before she could protest or stop me. “Why?Why did I do that?She’s gonna…I don’t know what she’s gonna do but I got a feeling it’s not good.” I ran the rest of the way home so I too could get in bed and also check back in with Billie.I got to the door,unlocked it and opened it.I walked in to see Billie packing up his equipment.Half of it was already packed away and stacked ontop of each other. “Are you ok babe?” “I’m fine.Just needed a little help to get myself going to pack everything up.” “I told you that you could stay the night.That was the whole point so you wouldn’t be doing this at almost 3 am.” “It’s ok.I can keep myself going.” The part I was concerned about is that he kept sniffling.I wanted to ask if he was crying but I didn’t want to pry him open.I didn’t say anything.I watched silently as he packed things in boxes.He looked up to me while he was bent down. “What?I wasn’t smoking crack or anything in your bathroom.” “Let me guess…blow?” “It was 2 lines.Quick and clean.” “At least you weren’t shooting up in there.That’s one thing I will not tolerate.Pot,acid,shrooms and maybe a little bit of coke is fine with me,I’ve done worse,but heroin,crack,and meth are unacceptable.I will not let myself see someone I care about so much go down that road again.” “I don’t want to bring anything back but who-” “For a long time,I didn’t care about myself.” It was silent. “I’m uh gonna go to my room.I’ll be back down soon and then you can come with me.” He nodded and went back to packing.I started heading back up stairs. “I’m sorry.” I heard him say it and I stopped for a moment to turn around but I continued walking up the stairs.I went down to my room and unlocked my door.I went right in and opened the “party bag”.Everything in it was in smaller bags.I dumped out the bag and looked through them.There was about every drug I knew laying in front of me. Coke,smack,speed,dope,acid,shrooms.It was a cornucopia of drugs.I took out the small bag the dude outside gave me.I put each of them in their own bags.I labeled them too. There was a knock at the door. “Come in.” The door opened and Billie’s head popped through the cracked door.

“You alright?” “Yeah.Just…I don’t know…tired I guess.” He came in all the way.He saw everything infront of me,his eyes wide like he found gold. “Holy fuck.” “I’m gonna sell anything I don’t do.I’ll by pot with the money I get.” “There’s gotta be over a couple hundred bucks of drugs here.” I picked up the bag of weed and held it out infront of him. “Smell this shit.” He stuck his nose in and inhaled deeply. “That’s gotta be medical shit.” “I haven’t smelled anything that strong before.” I put the rest of what I’d keep in the bigger plastic bag and set it next to me. “Know anyone who shoots up or smokes crack or meth?” He pondered for a minute. “Yeah.I think there’s a guy who still might be shooting up.Mike had trouble with him in the pizzeria one time.He still hangs around but never goes inside.” “I’ll keep an eye out there.” “You?” “I work there now.Surprise!” He smiled and looked at me silently. “We should get to sleep.” “Yeah.I’m beat.Wanna smoke some of that medical shit before we hit the hay?” “Absolutely.” I reached over to my nightstand and grabbed my blue and neon green bowl.I packed it,took a hit and passed it to him with the lighter. “I’m sorry.” “About what?” He exhaled coughing slightly. “About digging into your past and shit.” “It’s ok.It’s done and over with but that doesn’t mean it’s still there or here with me.” We sat there in silence with an occasional cough,passing the bowl back in forth.Once it was beat we just sat there on the bed.I felt like I was sinking into the mattress.I looked at my phone. “Funny…” “What?” “I didn’t even realize it was today.” Billie looked at me in stoned confusion. “15 years ago today.September 13th,2004.” I laid my head down on the pillows and stared into the invisible void. “I remember the day we went to Hoffman’s Playland and I wanted one of those helicopter hats so bad.It was the last one.I still have it.” “I’m sorry baby girl.” I felt his hand on my back,rubbing it in a slow circular motion. “What are we?” “What do you mean?” “Am I just your fuck buddy?” “Jesus Christ no!Why would you ever even think of something like that?I’d never do anything to hurt you in any way especially use you like that.”