#also abandoned plane in the corner here lmao

[jaffre]

uhhh monkey

[soobrat]

cynics; jns

part vii

masterlist

words; 8.6k

genre; angst!

warnings; self-destructive behavior, mentions of alcohol, mentions of and implied sex, poor mental health, did I miss anything

preface; a song that goes well with this chapter is 'blue ocean floor' by justin timberlake of all people. also are you guys angry about what mc did in this chapter T___T if so which thing LMAO

In school, Jaehyun was an awkward, spindly kid with an unfortunate haircut. You never batted an eye, you were all pretty unfortunate in high school. But you never noticed just how awkward you were until looking back at pictures stuffed in your closet. Taking a look through that shoebox was like entering a time machine. You hadn’t looked at them in ages. They just made you too sad. And while they still squeeze at your heart, you can’t help but laugh. The fact that the three of you were bullied and still felt confident enough to pose in pictures like this was bizarre.

The two of you drifted apart so vastly that you hadn’t thought to check out his streams. You wonder what he looks like now. Did he fill out and get taller like Johnny? Maybe he even got more attractive. Something he and Johnny would have in common as well. You decide to let yourself be surprised when he came.

While you waited, Jaehyun was downtown waiting as well. He turns when he hears a surprised voice call his name and sees Johnny. His hair is longer and he had a little stubble coming along. He looked completely taken aback by how Jaehyun changed.

“Look who’s not scrawny anymore!” he laughs as the two clasp each other by the hand and pull the other into a half hug. Johnny pulls back, seeming genuinely happy as he smiled. 

“I would say the same about you, but you're getting there.” Jaehyun teases.

“Get out of here.” Johnny dismisses the jab. The friends find themselves falling right back to the way things were, feeling natural around each other like no time passed. Laughing and bantering in the corner of Johnny’s local coffee shop. The three of you were inseparable as kids. Your bond wasn’t as strong as you and Johnny’s alone, but it was nothing to sneeze at. 

You both considered him your second closest friend. He left before you met Taeyong. Johnny falters for a moment, expression going sour as he considers that might have been for the best. Though Johnny missed him dearly, it would be selfish to wish he were still around to endure this whole shitshow. He wonders if he was given the chance to change the past, would he make Jaehyun stay? Act with the same selfishness that hurt you? 

“What’s on your mind? Must be so much.” Jaehyun asks in concern. Johnny sighs, forcing a smile. 

“I just wonder what would’ve happened if you didn’t leave every now and then.” Johnny responds, pretending his thoughts were solely fond memories of their friendship.

“The moment I boarded that plane, I was thinking about all the things I was already missing. What if your stream blew up without me? What if you replaced me with another friend?” He gives a short laugh before his face hardens a bit. “But most of all, I kept worrying about if you guys would be okay. I had nightmares one of you got really hurt by Hyojong and Hyuna. I felt like I abandoned you guys.” It was so far in the past, yet Johnny could tell a part of Jaehyun still felt bad. It did get worse right after Jaehyun left, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“You don’t need to worry about us. We did just fine. She was stronger than me, she’s the reason we didn’t have to deal with them any more actually.” Johnny recollects that fateful time. The moment Taeyong came into your lives, things started changing around you. Not Hyojong and Hyuna, they were persistent and thought no one could touch them. After all, they were delinquents, Taeyong was a star student heartthrob. Saying their paths didn’t cross would be an understatement. So they didn’t know who they were dealing with.

After they disappeared from school things started to look up. People didn’t just start acknowledging you and Johnny, no, they were sucking up to you. How common is it for peasants to shoot up to nobility? You actually did it. You made it so that the two of you weren’t afraid to go to school.

He never quite thanked you for that.

“Tell me more, I need to know the events that led to this.” Jaehyun leans forward in intrigue and concern. Johnny nips at his bottom lip. Maybe it’s for the best he doesn’t tell everything.

-

You set your coffee down and rush to the door at the sound of a knock. Opening the door revealed a man only described in romance novels. Your smile falls as you take in his appearance. “...Jaehyun?”

“I’m a little offended I’m not getting hugged right now.” Jaehyun outstretches his arms with a pretend pout. Though he doesn’t look the same, he sure acts the same. You roll your eyes and hug him, making him drop the pout in favor of a warm smile.

“This is more than a glow up, it’s witchcraft.”

As he pulls away his smile fades slightly as he gets a good look at you. He doesn’t pick fun at your appearance like he did Johnny. You notice his shift in mood and get confused.

“You’re still as beautiful as I remember. Even more beautiful, actually.” You brush off his compliment as if you’re not utterly touched and invite him in. It was sweet on its own, but you could hear how genuine the compliment was. It made you feel warm and fuzzy. Pathetic.

“I would ask you how you’re doing but I’ve already heard from literally everyone else.” He settles next to you on the couch. “Everyone can’t stop raving about you. It makes me so happy to hear you’re doing well.”

“You’re buttering me up.” You say, shyly looking to the side. You go to take a sip from your cup before remembering you have a guest. “You want some coffee?”

“No thanks, I’m all coffee’d out now.” He declines politely. From having coffee with Johnny you presume. You open your mouth to ask about it but decide to let it be. 

“You don’t want to know from where? With who?” Jaehyun tilts his head forward to catch your gaze. “You’re not going to ask how meeting your ex was?”

“Oh– seriously Jaehyun cut it out!” You slap his shoulder, pulling a laugh from his chest. 

“As if you guys weren’t always on the verge of kissing-” 

You find yourself easily manhandling this beautiful man as if time never passed. “I’m gonna fuck you up.” You mutter as you grab his collar.

“Okay! Okay. I’m sorry. That’s like the only explanation that makes sense. If not, then what happened?”

You unhand him and settle back into your spot. He didn’t tell him. You feel yourself start to get worked up. You want to tell Jaehyun every horrible name he called you. Tell him about all the times he called you fat. Tell him how he laughed when those idiots ridiculed you. You feel like you’re right on the edge of ruining his relationship with Jaehyun for good. But you stop. 

“Whatever happened I just… he’s not doing well.”

You look over at him, witnessing the playful atmosphere slowly dissipate. “I don’t want to impede on your personal conflict, but it just sucks seeing him like this. He seemed fine at first, I was worried after talking to him on the phone. It sounded like he was just crying.”

You shift uncomfortably. You never thought about how all of this might be affecting him. You wanted to be smug about it. It’s what he deserves, right?

“But after we hung out for a while, he just seems like he slowly started to show signs that he was suffering.”

There was no way you’d tell Jaehyun now. Not when there was still a part of you that wanted to prevent bad things from happening to Johnny. It was so easy for Johnny to push aside your well-being for personal gain. Why can’t you be as selfish?

“I won’t be here forever and I don’t know who else he can trust around here. Do you know anyone that can help?”

“I’m not sure.” You dismiss him quickly. It was a bit cold, but you’ve already had your fill of helping Johnny to last you a year. He should be lucky you’re not airing his ass out. With nothing to fill your thoughts, your mind travels to his lack of support. His parents want nothing to do with him after their huge fight over his career choice. The three stooges are gone. He never liked Taeyong much. Mark made his severed ties public. And you were one of the first to go.

Simply blaming it on karma is a temporary solution to your worries, but in your heart was a subtle pain just noticeable enough. Your mind keeps picturing a desolate Johnny lifelessly ambling around his house.

But you promised yourself going forward you’d invest more time and love for the people who return just as much. Jaehyun traveled here to see you and you’re stressing over a dead man. It was time to get serious.

-

Today is a special day. You hit five hundred thousand followers last week and the numbers were still climbing at the speed of light. You’ve never been on a podcast before. You’ve never even had connections to streamers outside your group before. Everything is changing so quickly.

“We’re here with the hot topic these days ladies and gentlemen.” The podcast host and co-host smile in your and Mark’s direction. The host was a burly man with a commanding presence, his co-host being his polar opposite. From his higher voice to his tendency to look for approval. “We have two members of the hottest crew on Twitch, the Dreamies. Could you introduce yourselves for us?”

The two of you take turns saying your name and handle before the room filled with light applause. The podcast set was very modest. Instead of feeling stuffy, it made for a more relaxing experience. They showered you and Mark with endless compliments, pouring over your achievements and mentioning your impact on the platform.

“I mean, you guys have a proper fandom.” The co-host notes, “Shipping and all.” Both hosts laugh at the way you cringe at the word.

“Yeah… Mark and I have seen the… art.” They laugh even harder at the way you dodge the word you’re all thinking. Despite the shipping, you have very few complaints. You’re finally getting recognition for your skill, your comments and overall community are less bigoted, and you even got recognized in daily life more. You were investing more in yourself and the universe was rewarding you for it.

“Now, not to dampen the mood, but we have to talk about the ginormous elephant in the room.” The host cuts through your laughter with a serious tone. You look at him questioningly, trying to remember if any of the topics you were briefed on were serious.

“You two used to be in Taeyong’s circle, am I correct?”

Your mouth hangs open, nothing but panicked laughter coming through. You can feel Mark peeking over at you.

“Yeah, but I think we’ve said our piece on the matter.” Mark interjects, trying to shut it down before it even began.

“Well you did, but she didn’t.” The co-host gives you a look as if to suggest you’re hiding something. “She’s been the most quiet despite being one of the most speculated aspects of this debacle.” The host talks to Mark before looking at you. “You were the first one to leave that circle. They weren’t exactly Dreamies level, but they were pretty popular. There had to be a reason you’d risk losing eyes to leave.”

After still only coming up with um’s and awkward laughter the host throws his hands up to surrender. “Hey, don’t feel pressured to answer. I’m just sharing what I found odd.”

“No it’s fine, I just look at what happened behind the scenes as personal.” You finally answer.

“At least give us this, does it have anything to do with these Lucas rumors we’re hearing?”

“Lucas rumors…?” You knit my brows together as you look to them for further deliberation.

“You didn’t hear?” The co-host continues when you shake your head, “Twitter has been exploding because of what other streamers had to say about him. Said he was hard to work with, shit-talked them behind their backs, and would even make degrading comments to their face at times.”

“I didn’t believe it at first, I know he’s getting accused as well but I always thought he was a charismatic guy. After a few people I trusted seconded those accounts my jaw hit the floor. Is that true to your experience?”

Coming out and slandering the boys would be pretty dumb on your part. People are waiting for the chance to lash out at any woman streamer on the rise, and your words could easily be turned against you. But if thinking Lucas is an asshole is the popular opinion, you needed to jump at this opportunity.

“You know what? Yes. Absolutely. All of that rings true. I didn’t want to start drama but if other people are coming forward the damage is already done.”

“Yeah, Lucas was definitely a huge jerk.” Mark adds. As you and Mark share a look, you take a guess you share the same thought as well. What about the others?

“So then I was right? That’s the reason you left?” The host leans forward with a hopeful look. No, not entirely was the correct answer. There were three more reasons you left. However, adding more details was potentially messy. Here you had a clean way to get somewhat justice for what happened to you. Plus, to suddenly start bashing everyone could paint you as spiteful and disingenuous. 

“Yup. That’s the reason.”

For the rest of the interview you can sense that Mark has something to say to you. It doesn’t surprise you that he’s turning to face you as soon as the cameras are off.

“Why did you lie?” He whispers.

“I didn’t lie.” You reply nonchalantly.

“Lucas was not why you left.”

“He was one of ‘em.” You shoot him a look that communicates how little you want to have this conversation before standing up. Mark follows you all the way out of the studio. 

“You know they’re looking for more people for their group now, right? Meaning more people for them to break down.”

“I’m,” You stop, letting the information fully develop in your brain before continuing. “If that does happen then that’s really upsetting-”

“If?” Mark asks incredulously.

“It’s my choice to come forward about the shit that happened to me.” You stop walking and raise your voice. You peer around nervously at the people glancing at you.

“It didn’t just happen to you, though! They treated me horribly as well! And it only got worse after you left. Hell, Lucas, Doyoung, and YangYang even gave Johnny a hard time.”

“What?!” The exclamation comes out before you even process it. Their best friend? The one they used to laugh it up with?

“Yes! Why else do you think I left?”

“I don’t know, because of the way they treated your friend?”

Mark’s face untenses immediately, his mouth falling open in shock. Mortification takes root before he drops his head with a sigh.

“Do you think I didn’t notice your little awkward laughs?”

“I… ah fuck- I’ve been meaning to apologize for that. I was so scared they’d lash out at me if I spoke out.”

“Well,” You exhale sharply and drop your shoulders. “I guess we both have selfish reasons for our decisions.” You turn and continue walking to Mark’s car. You hope that was the last of that conversation, that it’s all out of his system now. 

When he enters the driver's side he sits in silence for a beat before turning to you. “I’ve only known you for two years or so, but I still somewhat witnessed how they beat you down.”

You sigh loudly, sinking into your chair. 

“There’s some bright-eyed small streamer in line to be crushed in the same way.” He hesitates before continuing, “I know what you’re afraid of.”

You look over at him cautiously.

“You’re afraid people are going to turn against you, or that you’ll somehow fuck things up. That seed of doubt wasn’t planted by you. I felt the same way, it was the reason I sat dormant for so long. Then that night happened where the boys came to “apologize”. I thought I overheard them plotting in the car but brushed it off. Then I saw YangYang making a move on you and I couldn’t ignore it anymore.” Mark taps his index finger against the steering wheel.

“I stopped doubting myself when it felt like it was getting out of hand. I mean, they already destroyed your sense of self, and now they were ready to do more damage? It seemed inhumane.” Mark stops, his eyes wandering. He felt uncomfortable with your silence but pressed on nonetheless. With a sigh, he starts the engine.

“I just don’t think people should get away with stuff like that.” 

-

Jaehyun had been insisting to meet up with Johnny every day. They would go from place to place, but never home. 

“We can go to your hotel if that’s what you’d like.” Johnny shrugs, avoiding eye contact.

“That is not what I mean. And what do you mean my hotel.” Jaehyun shifts uncomfortably on the hard bench. He could not understand why they were at a park right now. If there were a place that could be described as “not their scene”, the first place Jaehyun would think of would be a park. Jaehyun thinks for a moment before looking at Johnny confusedly.

“Johnny, are you staying at a hotel?”

Johnny anxiously swirls his vending machine coffee. If he said no Jaehyun would see right through him. He also didn’t want Jaehyun to be offended that he kept that from him. So he just stares into the steaming hot liquid in his cup. 

“Why don’t we go to your hotel?” Jaehyun manages to pull Johnny’s head out of his coffee. Johnny laughs humorlessly and shakes his head.

“Nah, there’s not much to see there. Let’s just go to yours.”

Jaehyun’s hotel is definitely a lot nicer than Johnny’s motel, though that’s not a high bar to reach. The state of Johnny’s living arrangement worried Jaehyun, judging by the loaded silence after Johnny insisted to go to Jaehyun’s.

Thankfully, that feeling quickly subsided after one dunk of Johnny’s head into the water. Johnny springs up with a strong gasp before roughhousing ensued. They were the only two at the pool, so they were free to revert to their childish antics as they pleased. For a sweet moment, Johnny was able to stop worrying. He could just focus on the way the surface of the water crashed against his body before he was submerged. Everything else was muted as he sank to the bottom, encased in a personal bubble. 

It was serene.

He and Johnny got out to rest in the hot tub nearby. They could relax there for a moment before going to his room to play video games. 

“So tell me about this Taeyong fella.” Jaehyun requests as he settles into the water with a grunt. Johnny feels like someone threw ice over his head at the mention of his name. Johnny had just mentioned in passing that he was the reason everything was better for him. He wasn’t looking to expand on that since the details were locked behind a wall preventing him from completely losing it.

“He’s just helped us since around the time you left. It was kind of a “scratch my back I’ll scratch yours” type of thing.”

“I see. How did you guys scratch his?” Jaehyun wades his hands in the water before looking at Johnny. He looks up as he thinks. He never put much thought into how they helped Taeyong. He just always described it as mutually beneficial. Taeyong extending a helping hand to you and Johnny always felt like charity work.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t have to do much. He always seemed very kind. Me and Dejun were talking about how he’s one of the only good-natured large streamers.” Jaehyun smiles to himself before peering at Johnny again. His smile falls when he sees his face. “What’s wrong?”

Taeyong wasn’t a good person. Johnny learned that very quickly. The way he led you on while discreetly insulting you when he thought Johnny couldn’t hear. The way he ignored, downplayed, and even laughed at the toxic behavior around him. All while painting himself as this altruistic angel who looked down on all the immoral people he was surrounded by. But he wasn’t looking down on Johnny and the others. He was using them to make himself look better. That’s why he helped them in high school. He was already seen as a saint, but that act of kindness boosted his status even more. 

“Hey. Is everything okay?” Jaehyun shakes Johnny by his shoulder but he remains in his dazed state.

“Let’s go to the bar.”

-

While it was nice to see Taeyong again, the way Nayeon was smiling at you was making you uncomfortable. You shifted awkwardly in your seat as you let out a small laugh to fill the silence.

“What brings the two of you here today?”

“Why so formal? I’ve only known you forever.” Taeyong laughs before looking at Nayeon. Nayeon laughs as well, as best as she can fake it through her clear unease. 

“Right, right. Mark told me you asked him to come back to the group, so I’m assuming that’s why you’re here.” You look a little let down when Taeyong makes a face as if he’s been caught. After everything Taeyong has done for you you feel bad about turning him down. You have a great thing going. You’re doing what makes you happy, moving to a new chapter in your life. Regressing to the past didn’t fit what you had in mind.

“Guilty. You know I kicked out those three assholes. There’s not only a nicer atmosphere but a lot more space now.”

“Yeah, about that…” 

“I don’t know about you, but I feel so relieved now that they’re gone.” Nayeon adds, placing her hand on Taeyong’s legs. Your disdain for Nayeon had fizzled out a while ago. They seem happy and have been together for a few months now. It was time to grow up and get over this crush. In saying that, something about what she just said made you scowl unintentionally. She seemed pretty close to them when they were here, and now that they’re being dragged by the media she’s against them?

Before you can voice your suspicions, Taeyong is pulling her hand off his lap and placing it on her own. “Didn’t you say you needed to use the bathroom?” The venom in his words makes Nayeon frown, looking at him in confusion. It even catches you off guard. “But you said-”

“You should hurry to the bathroom.” He almost demands. She looks hurt as she agrees. Taeyong was here, smiling and cracking jokes, but there was something forced about it. When you watch him smile, it doesn’t feel too dissimilar to how he usually is. You can’t tell if he’s acting weird right now or if you’re just now picking up on how he’s always been. You get a bitter taste in your mouth and grimace.

“Taeyong, everything okay?” You ask once Nayeon is closed within the bathroom. Taeyong just smiles wider and pats the seat next to him. You quickly move to sit beside him with a worried look on your face.

“Please don’t look so concerned! I’m fine, I just feel like we haven’t been able to hang out recently.” Taeyong throws his arm on the couch behind you. You’re naturally leaning closer to him, it was a habit you never kicked. Being in his proximity let the little girl with a lingering crush loose. It was bittersweet to bask in his presence but remember that it’s all you’ll get. 

There were so many ‘almosts’ and ‘maybes’. You just wondered why after all these years that nothing happened. You could feel that he felt something too.

“Look at you, so cute when something is bothering you.” He slides his hand across your jaw before lifting your chin to look at him. You savor every moment of contact as you look at him through your eyelashes. “Tell me.”

Both Johnny and Jaehyun got better with age, but Taeyong was on a different level. When you saw him in school, you thought an angel had descended and graced you with his presence. Longing gazes at him took up the majority of your time in any class you shared. You stared at pictures of him for hours in the comfort of your bedroom. In your mind, there was no way he could get any better. He was the definition of the perfect man. He only got more handsome while still somehow managing to look like he hadn’t aged at all. He was an enigma. One that was always just out of reach.

If all these things were true, why did you ever get your hopes up to begin with? By dating Nayeon, he’s made it clear how he likes his women. Why would someone hailed as an adonis waste his time on you? 

All this success and you were still questioning your worth.

“I’m sorry, I think you should go-”

“Why?” Taeyong drops his arm onto your shoulder and hugs you closer. You were close enough to feel his breath fanning your face. Jungwoo had been too busy to keep you company. For two weeks you’d been laying awake in a cold bed, trying and failing to get yourself off. 

You were showered by love on a daily basis, online and in real life. Jaehyun is even back to pitch in. Why couldn’t you just be happy about that? You bite your quivering lip as you grab his face and stare into his eyes.

“Because I’m about to do something stupid, and the consequence might just kill me.” You reveal quietly. 

It felt like dozens of tiny needles were puncturing your heart, pushing in deeper with each moment that passes. Your brain goes fuzzy as he presses his lips to yours. There’s a ringing in your ear. The sound of Nayeon leaving the bathroom and promptly leaving your house and slamming the door is muffled. You close your eyes and fade into the kiss.

You feel weightless as he carries you to your bedroom. Pulling away from the kiss feels like losing oxygen. It’s all worth it when you drown in his brown eyes, hopelessly sinking to the bottom. 

Mentally, Johnny is drowning as well. Downing drinks until the room starts spinning. You both float, bodies feeling totally numb. Ears plugged with white noise. It’s serene that way. Whether they were trying to block out their destructive thoughts or high on a feeling they’ve craved for years. It was serene.

That morning you wake up to a warm bed.

-

Johnny wakes up with an extended groan at his throbbing headache. His plasticky pillows were actually quite plush. His covers are nice too. They’re hard to enjoy with his brain pounding against his skull. He reluctantly sits up, taking in his surroundings. He’s not in his motel room. He looks around frantically before finding Jaehyun on the ground with a spare comforter and pillow. He makes a disappointed noise before standing up and nudging him with his foot.

“Hm.”

“Get on the bed.”

“It’s fine.”

“I’m leaving anyway.”

Jaehyun sits up with a stretch and yawn before scratching his head. “I’ll drive you.”

“Fine.”

The car ride is quiet. Each time he looks over at Jaehyun he looks like something’s on his mind. 

“Do you remember what you told me last night?”

“Oh god.” Johnny plants his face in his palm with a groan. 

“You told me you really hurt her.”

Johnny halts before slowly bringing his head back up. The car rumbles as it drives, slightly shaking the two men as they sit in silence. Johnny could lie, but why else would he say something like that? Drunk or not.

“The longer you and her stay quiet about what happened, the more worried I get. I’m trying to give you guys your privacy but I’m fucking freaking out. If you two just drifted apart, I wouldn’t mind. I mean, I’d be a little bummed, but that’s it. What’s worrying me is that something bigger might have happened.” Jaehyun grumbles, struggling with one particular thought. “Or that one of you did something bad.” 

Johnny feels nauseous all of a sudden. Something disgusting swirls in his belly as he rolls the windows down. The air doesn’t help the building nausea.

“I can tell you’re remorseful over it, so if you tell me I won’t hate you. I know you’d never purposefully hurt someone.”

“Pull over.” Johnny barely gets out as bile fills his cheeks.

On the side of the road, Johnny keels over and vomits into the patchy green and yellow grass. He retches and retches until all the alcohol is gone from his system. Until all the painful reminders are as vivid as they usually are.

Dropping Johnny off, Jaehyun can finally see how he’s been living. The large motel sign has half its lights dimmed or completely broken. Sparks spray from the back of the poorly supported sign. 

“Did you get kicked out of your home?”

“No, I can’t be there right now.”

“Is there any better alternative than this?” Jaehyun catches up to him as he walks toward the grimy building. Johnny kicks at the ground.

“It’s better this way.” He grumbles. “Easier.”

Jaehyun doesn’t know nor does he need to, but he doesn’t plan on sleeping there tonight anyway. He’ll get drunk and probably pass out there or in his car. 

Many, many shots in Johnny is past the room spinning. His eyes are closed more than they’re open. They feel heavy, like there are weights hanging from his eyelashes. Of course he didn’t register someone calling his name and nudging him. Soon the nudging pulls him out of his numb state and he groans.

“Let me take you home alright? Actually home.”

“No!” Johnny screams, disrupting everyone in the bar. He couldn’t care less, he just rests his head on the bar and resists whoever is tugging him.

-

“You were serious? I thought you were just threatening me. Who was here?” You smirk mischievously at the puzzled man before you.

“It’s not just “who was here” but “who’s gonna be here again tonight”.” You wiggle your eyebrows as Jungwoo’s jaw drops.

“Who?!” Jisoo pipes in.

You bite your lip, trying to build more suspense, but you end up blurting it out. “Taeyong!”

Both of them express utter shock before worry. You roll your eyes. “Guys! He was always the nice one.”

It was no secret that Jisoo and Jungwoo hated most of the people in that group, but they did conceal their distrust of Taeyong. There were no overt signs he was harmful, but he also made no effort to try and stop the torment. What Jungwoo and Jisoo did and what Mark is now doing are the only correct responses to what they put you through. Not giggling and only speaking up when it’s gone too far.

He was the only one out of the group that Jisoo properly met. He came up, introduced himself, and talked about how much of a pity it was that the others pushed you out of the group. Jisoo will never forget how you reacted after she shared that conversation.

“He said that?!” 

It was like you were touched, but more than that, it was like you weren’t certain he felt that way. He made it clear to Jisoo that he completely condemned their actions, but not the person it happened to? His supposed good friend?

“Oh, and I noticed you guys still don’t follow him. You can refollow him now, that incident was ages ago anyway.”

“I don’t know, I’m not too sold on Taeyong just yet.” Jungwoo mumbles.

“Me neither.”

“Guys!” You exclaim desperately. You know they won’t hear any of it but you try nonetheless. You sigh despondently. “I’m happy.”

Jungwoo and Jisoo feel the same dismay and guilt. Things are really looking up for you recently which is an argument for both sides. Finally dating Taeyong after years of a one-sided crush is like a cherry on top of your recent success. However, that could all come toppling down if Taeyong breaks your heart. Neither of them have proof Taeyong is malicious, but they do know you. And they know part of you sees this as proving your worth.

“You have so much going for you right now and you should be proud. Sure, the Dreamies boosted your audience, but your personality and skill are all you. You should be proud.” Jisoo smiles with a nod. That surely wasn’t the response you were expecting. You were proud of yourself. You were also proud of finally getting with Taeyong. You wished you could say both of those things without your confidence faltering. 

“Thank you.” Your phone rings as soon as you finish speaking. You pick it up and smile. “It’s Jaehyun!”

Jisoo and Jungwoo hope their sighs of relief aren’t obvious. 

“Hey!”

“Hey…” Jaehyun sounds apprehensive. “Am I intruding on anything?”

It was getting late, so Jungwoo and Jisoo were probably about to head out. “No, why”

“Are you sure you’re not busy? I really don’t want to bother.”

“It’s fine! What is it?” You chuckle. Jaehyun sighs, you can hear faint music and some sort of groaning.

“Okay, I wouldn’t ask this of you if it wasn’t an emergency. I don’t know anyone else in this city.”

“Emergency?”

Jisoo and Jungwoo watch with increased interest as you listen and give answers too vague to gauge what’s going on. “Okay, see you soon.”

“What was that?” Jisoo scoots closer to ask. You bite the inside of your cheek before peering up at her.

“You’re not gonna like it.”

-

Jaehyun met the three of you in the parking lot, looking immediately relaxed upon seeing you. “Thank god you’re here.”

He guides you toward the large man slumped over on the bar. You feel a twinge of a bad feeling. Not in a foreboding sense, just in the sense that you didn’t like seeing your old friend like this. Clearly Jaehyun didn’t either judging by the worry you could sense from across the room. He was a second away from a breakdown. 

“I just- I tried to get some people at the bar to help carry him to the car, but he kept fighting us off. Everyone gave up and I just don’t know what to do.” Jaehyun exhales slowly as he clasps his hand over his head. You could tell he meant the last part in more ways than one. He’s not stressed from this one night, this must be a culmination of all the worry built up over the duration of his visit. 

“Okay.” Jungwoo looks down at Johnny pitifully as he places his hands on his hips. “I’ll help get him into your car, ___ will give you directions, and then– will you be able to carry him into his house?” He turns to you and you nod.

“I think I can manage.”

“I don’t want to go home.” Johnny drones before a childish whine. Jaehyun beckons the three of you toward the edge of the bar. 

“He’s been staying in this gross motel and refuses to go home. I don’t know why he’s doing this, but I think this is why he’s struggling against me.” He whispers.

“How long has he been living in a motel?” Jungwoo asks in disbelief.

“I don’t know, I just found out yesterday. I wondered the same thing but he would never tell me.” Jaehyun shakes his head regretfully.

As if sensing how you were feeling, Jisoo and Jungwoo peer over at you. Jaehyun notices and looks at you as well. You close off your posture, feeling uncomfortably seen. 

“Okay, well if he struggles too much, maybe we can wait until he passes out?” Jisoo suggests with a grimace. It was seeming like the only solution. 

“Or we can just knock him out right now.” Jungwoo mutters before snorting. Jisoo elbows his arm, making him look at Jaehyun’s unamused expression. Jungwoo clears his throat. “Juuust joking.” He forces an awkward laugh. “But yeah, maybe we should wait ‘til he passes out.”

“Let’s try to carry him to the car one more time before trying that plan.”

Jungwoo nods and Jaehyun nods back. They make their way to Johnny, Jaehyun lifts his legs while Jungwoo supports his upper half.

“No! Just leave me here! I’ll sleep here!” 

“No, you won’t.” The bartender quickly shuts down.

Johnny begins the wriggle and the men tighten their grip. Johnny frees one of his hands and flails it around to try and hit Jungwoo in the face. “I’ve been waiting for an excuse to punch you motherfucker.” Jungwoo grits out so only he can hear. Johnny takes a moment to look up at him. He laughs dryly.

“You’re the guy from the photo.” He says with a crooked smile. He stops to think. He’s here and he’s your friend, does Jaehyun know him? Do they all hang out without him? No, Jaehyun would tell him about that. So the only other explanation would be you coming here. He cranes his neck up as far as he can. When he does he sees you there in all your glory. You look good just like the last time he saw you. It’s nice to see you consistently dressing up again. He wonders if your personality had gone back to normal yet. Then you turn your body away from him and put your head down. He must not be drunk enough because he could feel how much that stung.

He had stopped to think about you for so long that suddenly he was in Jaehyun’s car.

Jungwoo shuts the car door before immediately moving to where Jisoo is consoling you. You sigh and shut your eyes as you see him approach. “I’m okay, guys.”

“I know how hard it is to see him like this.” They both pull you into a hug, leaving unspoken how sad it is you still care about him. You watch as they get back into Jisoo’s car and drive away before deciding to board Jaehyun’s. The air is tenser than you expect. You clear your throat as you buckle your seatbelt.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.” Jaehyun breaks the silence only for it to resume soon after. Instead of continuing he just starts the car. You know he wants to ask you to keep an eye on him after he leaves.

“Your friends don’t seem to like him.” Jaehyun remarks, trying to be lighthearted but the worry is too potent. 

“Yeah. I think Jungwoo actually hates him.” You trail off, realizing how cold you sound. It’s true, though. Did he want you to think it was unfortunate? You’ve made it clear where you stand. 

“I could tell. He threatened him twice in one sitting. I don’t think he knows I heard the second one.” That earns a chuckle out of both of you. “What’s this I hear about you being in a relationship?”

You look over at Jaehyun confusedly. “Huh?”

“One of my streamer friends heard you were in a relationship. Is that not true?”

Who would’ve said such a thing? Was it Taeyong? You didn’t want to risk looking crazy by telling everyone he was your boyfriend. 

“I mean, I’m trying to get there.” You shrug and he punches your shoulder.

“That’s great news! It was only a matter of time before someone snatched you up. Was it that guy from the bar?”

Johnny was drunk, not deaf. It was not polite to talk about someone when they’re right behind you. But it’s not like Johnny’s ear wasn’t perked up, though.

“No, he’s just a friend. Do you know Taeyong?”

Both Jaehyun and Johnny freeze. Johnny is forced to remember what he was drinking to forget. If there was anyone who’d be hurt by the realization he’d come to, it was you. And now you had pain on a different level to experience. He’s sure you were going to fall in love with Taeyong. He laughs bitterly.

“Fucking Taeyong.”

You roll your eyes.

“He’s been acting a little weird since I brought him up yesterday.” Jaehyun lowers his voice.

“That’s because he’s been jealous of him for years.” You say loud enough for him to hear, even peering at him in the rearview mirror. Johnny gets visibly defensive, unlike the last time the two of you spoke when he was tucking you into bed, acting all hurt. This must be how he really feels.

“Is that why you think I hate that man? Because I’m jealous of how cool he is?” Johnny condescends with his words slurring together.

“What other explanation could there be?”

“I don’t know, that he’s a fucking piece of shit? But no, you never considered that. Not precious little Taeyong. Not even when he was laughing while you got shit on. But no, he doesn’t catch flack for that.”

“And who was shitting on me?” You turn your body to stare straight into his eyes. He falters for a split second but you catch it.

“Guys, please!” Jaehyun begs.

“Go ahead! Tell him! I’m sure he put the pieces together already anyway.”

You gear up to do it. This will be it. It could potentially ruin their relationship for good.

Then he’d have no one. 

You gulp, settling back in your seat. Jaehyun looks between the two of you, waiting for someone to say something. “I have been going crazy this entire trip trying to figure out what the hell happened. Can someone please throw me a bone?” Jaehyun didn’t want to hear if Johnny really fucked up, but not knowing was killing him as well. 

“Just forget it. Turn left here.” You mumble, pointing to the street Jaehyun was approaching.

“He’s going to hurt you bad.” Johnny speaks up again, sounding more distraught than before. You force yourself not to look at him.

“You don’t know anything.” You start bouncing your leg and opt to ignore him. He’s a drunken idiot. You just needed to help get him home and get this over with. Then you could go on with your lives.

“You realize this is the Hyuna situation all over again, right?”

Your leg stops shaking.

“What the hell, Johnny?” Jaehyun peers at him through the mirror to find that there are tears streaming down his face. “I’m serious, what the hell is going on here?!” Jaehyun didn’t know what Johnny was referring to, but you knew exactly what he meant.

“You can’t seriously compare Taeyong to her? He shouldn’t have laughed but that’s nothing compared to what she did.” You breathe out, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Do you not remember comparing me to them? In fact, calling me worse than them? I’m not even saying it about you like you did to me, and you’re acting like you’re hurt?” You try to quip back but he’s sitting up and cutting you off. “You must be elated, right? What did you say that night, that you liked that I felt bad? Well I’m in so much pain that I want to fucking die.” 

Jaehyun pulls over before parking the car. He rests his head on the steering wheel. Of all the things he expected to do during this visit, crying was not one of them. “Jae…” You reach over and rub his back but he shakes his head.

“I’m fine. I think you guys need to get this out of your system. I just… I just need a moment.”

God, look at you. You’re not even drunk so what’s you’re excuse? Arguing with someone so belligerent while your friend expresses over and over how you guys’ behavior is hurting him. 

“I’m sorry Jaehyun.”

He sniffles before taking the car out of park and continuing to drive. The rest of the ride is silent save for your quiet directions. When you make it to his house is when Johnny speaks up again.

“I’m not going in there.”

The two of you ignore him and get out of the car. “Did you hear me?! I’m not getting out!” His muffled screaming becomes clear once you open the backseat door.

“Come on Johnny.” You say exasperatedly as you grab his torso. You hold him as tightly as you can as you pull him out of the car. Jaehyun swiftly grabs his legs. As you start to carry him you quickly realize something is very wrong. He isn’t just wriggling away like he did at the bar.

“Get off of me!” There is vivid panic in his eyes and voice. It sounds like his screams are ripping at his throat. “Let me go!”

The two of you hold his limbs tight and try to get him inside his house as quickly as possible. Every second watching him thrash desperately slashes at your chest. You feel close to just dropping him, but you’re almost there anyway. Why is he resisting so violently?

“I think we should stop-”

“We’re almost there buddy. You need to rest.” Jaehyun pleads with the man but he’s inconsolable. The neighbors would probably think you were kidnapping the poor man. Shit, were you? He’s clearly communicating he doesn’t want to go home. You’ve seen drunk tantrums. What happened at the bar was a drunk tantrum. This was something else.

“Let me fucking go!”

“Johnny what the hell is wrong with you?!” You shout hysterically. He looks up at you with bleary eyes, blubbering for you to just let him go.

When you get to his house and check the doorknob, it’s unlocked. What is going on with him? As soon as you step in the doorway you both gently place him down. The stench makes your eyes water. You cough as you pinch your nose. The stink wasn’t as bad as the feeling in your gut that something was gravely wrong.

Johnny immediately curls into himself and sobs uncontrollably. He rocks back and forth through his hysterics and all you and Jaehyun can do is watch in horror. You crouch down beside him as tears begin pouring down your own face. You can’t form any thoughts. You just watch helplessly as someone you love breaks down completely after you forced him to do something he didn’t want to. 

“I-I just thought he was drunk, I didn’t know…” Jaehyun breathes.

You raise a shaky hand toward Johnny’s head, deliberating for a long time. After deciding, you slowly inch your hand to rest on his hair. It takes you a second to become steady but his sobbing starts to ease up. It was hard to hold your grudge when all you could see in front of you was a flashback to a young, scared Johnny. One who you were used to soothing.

“Everything will be okay.” You whisper shakily. He looks up at you with glassy, tired eyes. He looks the slightest bit relieved. His eyes flutter shut, and for a moment things finally feel peaceful. Then his red eyes open again as if he came to a worrying realization.

“Do you hate yourself because of me?” He asks weakly. 

You bite your lip and look away. You can’t bear to look at him as you shake your head. He sniffles and hiccups as you continue to pet his head.

-

In your living room you can still hear Johnny crying. You just hope he can’t hear you. Jaehyun’s soft voice comforts him as you grip your cover and cry quietly.

-

In the morning Jaehyun was getting ready to leave. He comes to wake you to say goodbye. You give him a tight, lengthy hug before patting his back. 

“Drive safe.” You say hoarsely. Jaehyun clenches his eyes shut, knowing it was because you were crying. He didn’t want to wake Johnny, he desperately needed the rest. He did want to ask you to hug Johnny for him, but he noticed how hesitant you were to even touch his head.

Do you hate yourself because of him? Why did he have to leave…

He’ll definitely have to check in on you two more often after he leaves. Maybe he could somehow piece together what the hell happened while he was gone. What started out as reminiscing on the good times and hanging out like nothing ever changed turned into a nightmare. Were you guys right about the Hyuna and Hyojong comparison? God no, Jaehyun didn’t even want to go down that path.

Jaehyun kisses you on the forehead before leaving.

You sit at your dining room table and stare at the back of the sofa. When was the last time Johnny slept over your house? When was the last time you even spent this much time together? Oh, right.

As you finish up your coffee, he slowly rises from the couch clutching his forehead. He looks around confusedly before standing up.

“Good morning.” You grumble.

He whips around to face you, looking to be embarrassed when he realizes where he was. “God fucking dammit- I’m so sorry you had to deal with me.”

“It’s fine.” You say quietly. After that night it was like something was permanently lodged in your heart, causing a sharp pain that never seems to go away. You’d go through a hundred nights with the toothpick than ever go through that again. That’s the same thing you said when he broke down in school. Yet here you are.

Johnny straightens out his clothes and wordlessly heads toward the door. “Stay.” You say loud enough to stop him. “Have some coffee. You don’t have to rush.”

“It’s fine, I can buy some-”

“I know you don’t have a place to stay.” 

He stops, his mouth hanging open before it snaps shut.

“You can sleep on my couch until you figure it out.”

Johnny felt undeserving, but also completely drained. So he sits across from you as you silently drink coffee. It was harder now to suppress his deep fears. He hurt you, and there was no one left to distract or enable him. He had to face it now. Face you. 

“I’m a bad person, I’ve come to terms with that.” Johnny speaks in a low voice. “I’m sorry for the things I put you through, for the way I made you see yourself.”

“I don’t think so.” You say before taking your last sip of coffee. He looks up inquisitively. “That you’re a bad person.” You stand up to wash out your mug. “Bad friend, definitely.”

Johnny looks down before nodding. “I just think you made bad decisions. A bad person wouldn’t feel a thing after doing what you did.” You set the mug in the cupboard before turning to look at his back.

“I understand now how much it destroyed you.” Your voice becomes unstable all of a sudden. He keeps his back turned toward you. You get a thought to soothe him again but retract your hand.

“I haven’t felt like this in a long, long time.” He admits with a slight quiver in his words.

“I know. I just always assumed you were stronger now. After last night it really felt like it was true. That I never really helped either of us.”

Johnny stands from the table abruptly before turning to face you. “You went through all of this for me. Even after all I put you through, you let me into your home. You’re almost too kind.” 

You exhale amusedly at that, looking to the side. “Soft, more like.”

“No. There’s nothing soft about making a positive difference in someone’s life. You didn’t make YangYang, Doyoung, or Lucas the way they are. Everything bad that happened was either out of your hands or my fault.” He steps forward, looking intently into your eyes as he pats his chest. You smile, not feeling this way toward Johnny in a while. “You’re right, I did bad things. I made a negative impact on people’s lives. I was selfish.” Johnny looks away, eyes heavy with remorse. 

“You were, that’s true, but it’s never too late to start impacting people positively.”

Johnny gives you an intrigued look while you give him a bittersweet one. You can still hear the demons in your head. And they still have his voice.

taglist; @baehaechannie @maximumdreamchild @safariria @maliakealoha

[yoongsisbae]

Run Run Run - Yangyang Living (Part 2)

A zombie apocalypse breaks out and you’re stuck on a plane with none other than…BTS! Oh, you thought because you were an Army that would help you survive? Girl think again.

OT7 BTS Zombie Apocalypse AU / BTS member x reader slow burn

Lmao yall really want BTS dead after the last chapter! I am happy to oblige. I didn’t know if I should unrealistically let them all survive or not lol on one hand it's just statistically not in their favor, but also it pains me to even just off one of them cries. But I can get behind a last man standing gets y/n story, so let’s goooo! Hopefully yall don’t change your minds after reading this chapter (too late now)! :D

Warnings: death, monsters, blood, fighting, killing, gory details, y/n curses like a sailor, humans being shitty, attempted sexual assault on multiple occasions because men still suck post apocalypse

Word Count: 7.4k

---

You sit on the airport runway, the sun's heat warms up your face and dries your tears. You look up to the sky and you scream at no one. You can already hear the low groaning of the undead coming closer to you, and you feel sick, you feel hurt, you feel angry at the world.

If you survive this, and if you ever meet BTS again, you plan on making this moment their worst regret!

---

It’s been four months of pure hell. You’ve managed to survive like a mouse. Hiding most of the time in blocked off corners, learning how to stealthily sneak in and out of rooms.

You stayed at the airport for four whole months, eating like a king in the new world, there were enough restaurants and staff kitchens to have a different meal every night. Eventually the power went out and you had to get creative.

You collected weapons and new clothes by breaking into suitcases and back rooms. Your entertainment became books and magazines from the gift shop. Your new workout became running away from the undead.

By the 100th day (because you kept count), you could barely take it anymore: the loneliness, having to survive in the shadows, the killing.

Do you have to become a monster to win against one? You guess the answer had always been yes. When finally ending an undead life there was a finality to it that made you feel like a grim reaper, giving final rest to people who used to be sons or daughters.

Even if they showed signs of already being dead, it felt like you were murdering people. You were still cutting throats, stabbing muscle, it made you sick.

You hated it, you started to hate living, but most of all, you hated surviving alone. No one there survived, except for you, and it felt more like a curse than a blessing.

You needed something new, you needed to find anything, anything is better than living amongst the dead. Surrounded and all alone. So you made plans to leave.

Consolidating everything you needed into one backpack, you buried your suitcase with all the unnecessities of your old life. You even made a tombstone: "HERE LIES MY BAGGAGE."

And then you started your mission to leave the place that had become your home before it became your funeral home.

One day you found a bike, and that became your dependable transportation in the new world free of electricity.

You had hoped once you left the airport you would be transported back into a reality where monsters didn’t exist, where you didn’t have to survive off of vending machine food and sleep with one eye open, when your biggest worry was paying your rent on time. But passing by the crashed cars abandoned on the road, you come to the somber realization that you might never have to worry about bills ever again.

---

You used to bike during the day, but you stopped. The third day on the road you found another person, and the bastard tried to steal your bike. Your immense high of finding another breathing human being came crashing down so magnificently when he acted no better than a monster.

The seventh day, you found a couple who welcomed you, but only because they wanted your supplies, and you managed to get away from them before they took everything. The tenth day you found a group of men who just wanted you. You almost died that day in more ways than one. Luckily your screams alerted a different kind of monster, and you were never happier watching them eat your captors. And then you were able to enact your revenge without any remorse.

Ever since that day you bike at night time. Even if the monsters are more active after dark, you know other humans would never dare to go out at night, and after everything, you would rather deal with monsters. At least you can count on them for one thing, to try to eat you. Humans are unpredictable, disappointing, and in your opinion, now somehow worse than the undead.

You rather just fight the monsters on your own. You're quiet enough and fast enough on your bike to pass by most of them anyways. Do you regret leaving the airport? No, not when the fresh air smelled so sweet as you biked through the night and the cold wind stung your skin reminding how alive you still were. Do you regret wanting human company? Sometimes.

---

You’re happy the day you find a convenience store. The place is pitch black inside. You’ve learned to wait, to take your time, until your eyes adjust to the darkness and you’ve studied the layout of the store. You have all the time in the world now, ‘better make the most of it,’ you think.

When you walk in, two monsters amble towards you. You’ve learned not to scream. You’ve learned to aim for their eyes. If you can hit their eye with your knife they die instantly, and even if it’s a bit gruesome, it’s better for you and you hope better for them too. Quick, quiet, knife in and out.

You find some unopened sodas and canned food. You sit on top of a car and eat the convenience store food and a raw onion from your pack. The sting of the onion on your taste buds reminds you once again how you differ from the undead. You’ve become a bit of a masochist in that way, enjoying all the unpleasantries of human living. You welcome the ache in your feet, and the shivers at night, and the itch on your skin from bug bites, because all those things meant you were still alive, alive enough to keep fighting.

You watch the moon and you wonder who else is watching it with you. Is it your parents? Maybe your friends, you make a wish that they’re safe.

You make your way back inside and find a cabinet and knock the shelves out, and that’s your bed for the night. Like a mouse.

---

Sounds of movement wake you up. It’s morning, the sun shining through the cracks of your hiding spot signals the day. You hear people talking. Real live people. You slowly open the door, because sneaking up on living people is not as easy.

You see long black hair still dyed at the ends, and then he turns around.

“YOU!” You both say at the same time.

Kim Namjoon is the first alive person you’ve seen in nearly a month. Unfortunately for him, you didn’t forget what he and the rest of BTS did to you. So, as you fantasized a hundred times before, your body acted on its own and you punched the leader right in his face.

You fight. Well, you punch him and he blocks you, until Namjoon has you pinned down on the ground.

“Stop! Calm down!” Namjoon hushes.

“You-you asshole!” You scream, cheek pushed against the convenience store floor as you try to kick him off you.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Just stop yelling!”

“You’re yelling!” Even if he’s thinner than you remember, he still easily overpowers you. You push off the ground as hard as you can but you’ve only managed to turn yourself around under Namjoon’s large body.

“Hyung!” Jimin and Jungkook run towards the commotion to see their leader and you.

You both look up at their surprised faces and Namjoon is acutely aware of his position, his body between your legs, holding your arms down, and he quickly jumps off of you.

“It’s you.”

“And you, you crazy bastard! You fucker! Ass! Bitch! Motherfucking-” You throw every Korean and English curse word you can think of at them before Namjoon grabs you and covers your mouth.

The trio stare at you stunned while you seethe. So many times have people died and reanimated in their lives, but you came back like you walked through time and landed half a year later right at their feet, back with a vengeance.

You glared up at them, you looked practically the same as when they last saw you, albeit longer hair, wearing oversized clothes that weren’t your own, but your eyes, filled with betrayal, were exactly the same.

You looked cleaner than them, healthier than them, definitely much livelier than them and it reminded Jungkook, Namjoon, and Jimin of the world they had almost forgotten, or chose to forget.

“Are you alone? Come with us.” Jungkook says, and you laugh against Namjoon’s palm.

“Mmm mmm!” You tell them to go away.

Jungkook looks at his brothers for support. “Come with us, please,” Jungkook repeats.

Oh no, it’s a little too late now. You glare at the trio, if you hadn’t been a fan before you’re not sure you would have recognized them. Their good looking features were covered in a thin layer of grime and sweat, they didn’t look like idols anymore, they looked like broken men.

Namjoon lets go of you with a yelp when you bite his hand. “I don’t trust you.” You grit out. “Leave me alone. You left me alone once, go do it again.”

When they all just stare at you, you grab the knife from your back pocket and hold it in front of you, “Leave! Before I…” you grip the handle with both of your hands.

Jimin grabs the pair away from you, but Jungkook won’t budge.

He kneels on his legs, and puts his head on the ground at your feet.

“Please forgive us.”

Namjoon nurses his nose and slowly lowers himself too. You stare at the tops of their heads, too shocked to speak. When you look up at Jimin, he looks away, and he too lowers himself on his knees.

There were a hundred different ways you had dreamed about meeting BTS again, all involving you enacting your own kind of revenge until they were begging you for forgiveness, all that left you satisfied. But now as you watched Namjoon and Jungkook, heads on the dirty ground, it didn’t feel good at all. You scoot away from them, putting the knife back into your pocket. You look at Jimin who stares back at you. He looks tired and scared.

“I...don’t forgive you. Just please get up…”

No one moves or says anything, and how long did this stalemate last? 10 minutes? 1 hour? 10 hours? Approximately 40 seconds.

You stand up, looking ahead of you. “Where are we going?”

---

You stay quiet as you help the men fill the trunk of their car with supplies from the convenience store. It’s a different car than the one at the airport. This one is smaller, older. You find rope to secure your bike to the top. You slap away Namjoon’s hand when he touches your bike, and he looks at you apologetically.

You take a seat in the back with Jimin, preparing yourself for the most awkward car ride of your life.

“Did um, everyone else make it too? Is that where we are going?”

Jimin nods. Does that nod mean yes, everyone made it? You don’t ask for clarification, not wanting to press the topic.

You look out the window, Namjoon is driving so slow you are sure you could beat him on your bike.

“Oh my god, RM, you’re driving!”

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” He laughs, it’s been a while since anyone has called him ‘RM.’ Jungkook will still jokingly call him Rap Monster, but even Jungkook’s jokes have been declining lately.

“You drive like a grandma.”

Jimin snickers next to you, and Jungkook turns around in his seat to stare at you.

“I’m trying to be safe.”

“We are literally the only car on the road.”

Namjoon turns his signal on, turning left. “I don’t want to cause any attention...from the dead or the alive.”

You sigh. “I guess you’re right.” You lean into the front seat, startling all three of the men.

“Is there any radio or anything? Um, any signs of life?”

“For the first two weeks there was an emergency broadcast, and then it just stopped…”

“I’m guessing no CDs?” You look at Jungkook and he shakes his head, and you pout. You missed music. You missed fun.

“Sit back, it’s dangerous.” Jimin pulls you by your waist.

“You do notice how he is barely into second gear.”

“You’re distracting him.” Jimin says. You scoff.

“I’m sitting in a car with three singers and there's no music…” They ignore your egging and you sigh. You stare at the back of Namjoon’s head, at his red ears. And then Jungkook, ears red. When you turn your attention to Jimin, he stares back at you, and you return your gaze to the window. This is going to be a long ride.

Eventually, you reach their sanctuary. The car tires trek across the dirt road, you listen to the gravel crunch beneath the vehicle. A sound you thought you’d never hear again. It’s weird how nostalgic you’ve become. How emotional you feel by the mundane. Your heart beats faster when you see a house. Jimin must have noticed your emotional state because he squeezes your shoulder causing you to jump.

“We’re here.” His voice is soft and soothing, and you’re reminded that you used to listen to his soft voice sing beautiful songs. This man used to be on top of the world, and now he lives hidden away in the country.

You're the last to enter the house, and your arrival is nothing less than shocking to the people inside.

You look around the room, there’s only the members, the same security guard who managed to keep all his muscles in the apocalypse, an older man you don’t know, and there’s-

THAT MOTHER FUCKER WHO LEFT YOU FOR DEAD.

You try to contain your outrage as a name that sounds almost like yours leaves his lips in surprise. That asshole Dev couldn’t even remember your name

“Nevermind, I’m leaving,” you mutter. You spin on your heels. Namjoon grabs your arm, confused.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m not staying here with him.” You point to the blonde man and he shrinks away.

“Hold on, hold on!” Before you can protest further, Namjoon is dragging you inside, into another room, as the rest of the men watches in shocked silence.

---

“What’s wrong? What’s going on? How do you know him?” Namjoon looks exhausted and totally unprepared for your unadulterated rage.

“He was on our flight. He threw me to the zombies, like actually threw me!” You try to whisper, but it comes out as a strangled yell. “It was practically attempted murder!”

“No, he wouldn't do that...”

You can’t believe what you’re hearing, he is actually defending that psycho!

“Okay, okay, it makes sense, you did the same thing to me, left me to die. Of course you would become friends with him.” You go to leave, but Namjoon grabs you back again.

“I’m not his friend.” He looks at you seriously.

“Then why is he here?”

“Because we realized the more of us compared to them the better-”

“Yeah, more of you that he can sacrifice for himself!”

Namjoon winces, pushing away memories he wishes he could forget. Memories of watching people he knew for years die in front of him. Colleagues go above and beyond their duty and sacrifice themselves for him.

You huff, quiet over his pained look. You turn around and take a seat on the bed. You feel the soft fabric against your fingertips, the softness of the mattress underneath you. It reminds you of your old bed. Not an airport cot, or three seats pushed together, the cold ground or hard floor. It reminds you of coming home after a long vacation and laying on your bed, that kind of experience. You want to cry. But you keep it in.

“Please, just stay here, please. We need you and you need us.”

“I don’t need you.” You try to blink away the tears in your eyes. You’re not used to speaking to people who actually speak back, and you’re definitely not used to arguing with international superstars, and even if titles mean nothing in this new world anymore, it’s hard not to feel small in Namjoon’s presence, you can’t even look at him when you say it.

“You don’t need us, you’re right. But we need you, I need you to stay.” He falls to his knees in front of you, and his head lands on your knees. All this time he has never let go of his role as leader. He has had to stay strong for everyone else. But you’re strong, stronger than him. He sees it, you still have fight inside you and a searing conviction, and he doesn’t want to let go of the fire that is you.

You roll your eyes and swallow down your sadness. “You know that’s not going to work every single time, right?” You pat his head, steal a chance to card your fingers through his greasy hair. “You need a haircut.”

---

You follow Namjoon back to the common room. Everyone’s conversations suddenly halt as you peek behind his tall frame and glare at Dev who has gone pale at your presence, worried about what you told Namjoon..

You sit in the empty space between Jungkook and Taehyung. The space probably was not meant for another person, but you didn’t care, you needed them to know you’re not going to be walking on eggshells around them.

“How-“ you silence Taehyung.

“Please tell me you have games here.” You rub your eyes and enjoy the fact that you are not talking to figments of your imagination.

“We usually play drinking games,” Jungkook confesses.

“I will play any game you want, anything, name it.” You punctuate each word by looking back and forth between the men.

“I have Uno.” Taehyung’s eyes fill with excitement.

“What are you waiting for?!”

---

“Uno!”

“You’re cheating!” you laugh.

“I’m not!”

You stand up and stretch your legs. You spent all day playing, something you never though would happen again in your lifetime.

You hated to admit it was fun being around them. Their presence made you feel like your old self, and you kept them on their toes, just being there you shifted something in the group dynamic already. Before the group had been slowly unraveling apart, and now you had them pulling themselves together again.

You watch the two oldest members cook outside. Jin fries up spam for the group while Yoongi works to remove instant rice packets into a pot of water.

“Is this what you normally eat?” You ask Jungkook and he nods his head.

You hum. You sit back down, and you tug your backpack off your shoulders and open the small compartment in the front. You’re going to regret this, you know it. You hand Jungkook a bag of carrots and a jar half full of Kimchi. That could have lasted you at least a week, but how many times had you wished desperately to have anyone to share your food with? Or how many times did you pretend to have someone to feed or be fed?

“They might not be fresh, but they are still good to eat.”

He holds the food in his hands like treasure.

“Is that...kimchi?” Taehyung looks over your shoulder, grabbing the jar to look at it’s precious contents.

“It’s not a lot, you probably will only get one bite each,” you laugh at the thought, “but-”

Jungkook pulls you into a crushing hug. You can feel him shake against you. When was the last time someone held you? When was the last time you had a warm body pressed up against you like this? You were used to cold bodies over yours as you fought for your life, you knew what to do when that happened, but someone holding you tenderly like this? Your mind goes blank. You wrap your arms around him and pull him closer. ‘Don’t let go, please not yet,’ you beg him in your mind.

---

Yoongi had used the leftover spam grease to make kimchi fried rice, using up all the kimchi in the glass container. Jin cooked the carrots just to make them tender, wanting to keep the taste and bite. It’s been so long since any of them had a vegetable that wasn’t canned.

Everyone sits in silence.

“You brought this, y/n?” Yoongi asks you.

“There was a lot of it in the kitchens at the airport...” you move the food around on your plate. “I took what was still good when I left.”

“I’m sor-” you don’t let him finish.

“Don’t say it,” waving his words away, “Anyways, I’ve figured out a way for you all to make it up to me!” For the first time since you’ve landed in Korea you’re not dreading the next day, the next hour, the next minute, and it’s about time you celebrate.

“You’re going to have to perform a song for me.”

Hoseok chokes on his food. “This is the only way I will ever forgive any of you,” you continue.

The boys look around at each other. “I’m not kidding.”

---

After the sunset, the group moves all the furniture along the walls of the room, candlelight fills the space.

You sit on the floor next to the older man whose name you learn is Kangho, choosing the spot farthest away from that blonde asshole, determined to ignore Dev’s existence. You learn this was his house with his wife and two daughters, and by the sad look in his eyes you don’t ask them where they are.

The guys stand in the middle of the room, staring at you, Kangho, Mr. Muscles, and Dev. This is all very awkward.

“What song did you want us to sing?” Jin asks you, clasping his hands together.

“Hmm, 21st Century Girl?”

Yoongi laughs, “So you really are an Army.”

“Or sing whatever you want, I don’t care” you murmur, looking away embarrassed.

“Well this is your apology,” Yoongi says, looking at Namjoon, who stands in the back awkwardly. You sit up a little straighter waiting for him to react.

The leader takes the center, while the others shuffle into position, trying to remember the choreography. He starts out not as confident as he wants to be, “You worth it, you perfect. Deserve it, just work it...”

“Yeah! Go Joo-RM!” your cheers fill the quiet room.

Their movements are stiff and reserved with no music to sing to, but the more you cheer the less they worry, having fun with the silly choreography.

“All my ladies put your hands up..” you throw your hands up at Yoongi’s words, and let out a soft yell when Taehyung sings, “Now scream!”

They all end to a soft round of applause from you and the three men.

“Encore! If you don’t sing ‘I Need U,’ I will never forgive you!” You cheer your thinly veiled threat. Filled with adrenaline and bodies warm and muscles loosened from performing, they automatically put themselves into position for another song to your happy surprise.

Singing a song they are much more familiar with brings back strong nostalgia. You watch as they get lost in the choreography, Even if it’s just their voices, and claps from you and the other men, their performance is still awe inspiring. The boys finish and the four of you clap, louder the second round.

They breathe heavily, not used to performing. And then Jimin starts crying. Hoseok turns around, chest heaving, and Jungkook starts crying at the sight of his brothers crying.

“Why are you crying?” you say as you wipe unshed tears away before they see.

“I...I just didn’t think we’d perform again for Army.” Jimin says between shaky breaths.

---

You walk quietly around the perimeter of the house with RM. “We take turns staying up in pairs and we switch half way during the night,” he says.

“Okay, I’ll take the first shift.”

“No, you can sleep, it’s okay. It’s me, Yoongi, Hoseok, and Jungkook assigned for the shift tonight anyways.”

“I stay up during the night anyways.”

“It’s okay...you gave us your food.”

You roll your eyes. “I didn’t do it to receive special treatment. It’s not that I don’t trust you,” you make sure to look anywhere but to the man next to you, “but I would feel more comfortable staying awake.”

Namjoon offers you a weak smile. “I get it. Well then you’re stuck with me.” You nod.

---

You wake up against something warm. Arms wrapped around you, holding you tightly. You go tense in Namjoon’s arms. He notices and his grip loosens.

“I-I didn’t mean to-” you scoot away quickly from the warmth you don’t actually want to leave. You did get less sleep today than you usually do, being woken up by the same man next to you now, but that doesn’t excuse letting your guard down like that. Usually, you’re tense, wound up and alert for any signs of movement. With Namjoon’s presence next to you, you had let yourself relax too much. Why the hell did you do that?

“It’s okay,” Namjoon holds his hands up, signaling there is no reason to worry. After a beat of silence he says, “Can I ask you a question?”

You nod, wrapping your arms around yourself, still shaken from falling asleep so easily.

“How did you survive?”

You laugh. “It’s easy to ‘survive.’” you look into his questioning eyes. “Surviving is simple. You just have to not die. I could climb up that tree right there, sit in it for days and not die. I survived by barely living.”

“You still made it for months all by yourself. I don’t think I could have survived by myself,” Namjoon mumbles.

“Well I didn’t want to...” You bite your tongue ready to yell at him again for leaving you at the airport. “It’s easier, to be honest. When you’re alone, you can be selfish.”

Namjoon nods knowingly.

“So what about you? What happened after the airport?”

Namjoon shrugs. “We tried to make it to Seoul but all the roads were blocked and they swarmed our car. At the time, the roads were filled with them, so we drove around trying to find shelter until our car ran out of gas. We kept getting attacked. People kept dying...” You scoot closer to him when he struggles to finish, encouraging him on. “We realized the more people there were the better chances we had when they attacked. That’s how we met Dev and Kangho, and there were others...but it was hard...I don’t know if you noticed, but now there’s a lot less of them around, before it was almost impossible to leave, we’d starve for days, and when we did go out someone would always die...”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.

He turns his body to face you, “I’m sorry...everyone regretted what happened with you,” Namjoon says, looking at you with pain in his eyes.

You sigh and look around. You sit on a makeshift post with Namjoon, looking out at the woods around the house. How many undead bodies were hidden amongst those trees?

“When you were out here, did you ever look at the moon?” you look at Namjoon. So much has changed in the last six months, you’ve changed so much, you can sit and talk to the former idol rapper like any other man you’ve met.

“Yes? Sometimes,” he says and you smile.

“Y/n?”

“Hmm?”

“Shift change!” Jungkook pokes his head up from the ladder connected to your vantage point.

---

You poke Taehyung’s side. “Psst, I’m taking Jungkook’s spot.” The singer grumbles in his sleep and you’re not sure he heard you, but the bed looks too inviting to resist.

The bed feels like heaven, it feels like a cloud, so why can’t you sleep, even in your exhaustion? It might have something to do with Taehyung latching onto you in his sleep, his leg over your body as he cuddles himself into your side. You can feel his warm breath against your shoulder, his prickly chin pressed against your back. Eventually when you allow yourself to close your eyes, and let your mind drift to a reality where you weren’t in a strange bed with a man you barely knew and think of your old home, your old room, the nights when your ex would stay over, only then you fell asleep.

You wake up and Taehyung is already gone. You stretch your limbs against the covers, and bump your hands into a body. In Taehyung's spot, sits Jungkook, reading a book.

His presence startles you enough to shake the morning’s haze away, and you sit up offering him a soft, “Good morning.”

“Y/n, you smell good.” Jungkook says the strange compliment out of nowhere.

“…thank…you?”

“I mean, you smell clean.”

You raise your eyebrows, yawning, “Yes, because I clean myself. I’m not a savage.”

“Yeah, but you smell like soap...when I hugged you...” he bites his lip in thought.

“Because I clean myself with soap.”

His eyes go wide with the information, “You have soap? Can I have some?”

You swallow hard. Why does he have to look at you with puppy dog eyes? “Why should I share with you? You basically left me for dead,” you glare at him.

“I’m sorry.”

“You said that. Do you even have a way to shower or bath?”

“We fill jugs from the lake, sometimes we heat the water up too, but it’s too dangerous to go there often.”

“Why?”

“Well, the, you know, zombies?”

“Oh.” That’s right. You’re supposed to be scared of them.

The idea of bathing in a lake sounds too intriguing, “Okay, well if you tell me how to get there on my own, then I will give you some soap. Deal?”

Jungkook plays with the worn and crinkled book pages, “What if something happens to you? It would be all my fault.”

You roll your eyes, “Nothing is going to happen to me.”

“No, I’ll come with you.”

“No! It’s too dangerous.”

“Exactly, I’m not telling you! We can wait until the next supply run.”

“But I want to swim in the lake now,” you whine. “You won’t tell me?” you say, “Not even for conditioner?”

Jungkook thinks about your offer briefly. “No. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” You wish you could be annoyed at him, you really want to go to the lake now, but his concern for you is endearing “Please, just soap. I’ll...sing you a song.”

You laugh. “That is very tempting...not a chance!”

---

You tap Yoongi on the back, he looks up from his notebook. “What are you doing?” you ask.

“Writing.”

“Lyrics?”

Yoongi clears his throat. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Yes actually. Can you tell me how to get to the lake?”

“Why do you want to know that?”

“Because I’m supposed to go to the lake.”

Yoongi puts his notebook down and crosses his arms, you hadn’t counted on him to get so interested in your questioning. You hoped he would have just told you. “It’s at least another two weeks before we are supposed to the lake.”

“Yes, well, Namjoon changed the schedule. So I’m supposed to go to the lake.”

His eyes look you up and down, “No he didn’t, you’re lying.”

“How the hell do you know? I just talk to Nam-”

“Because I’m the one who decides when we leave. Why the hell are you lying?”

Dammit. “Ugh, can’t I just want to go to a fucking lake? I don’t want to be all gross and sweaty like you guys.”

“It’s dangerous...”

Since when did they all care about your safety? “I don’t care, oh my god. Min Yoongi, if you don’t tell me how to get to this damn lake, I will go look for it myself, if it takes me all day and night.”

“Fine...fine...I’m not going to stop you if you have a death wish.”

“Thank you!” you smile brightly. “And I promise I’ll be fine.” you nudge his shoulder, “Hey, if I die you have permission to kill me.”

“And if you tell anyone I told you, I’ll kill you before the zombies have an opportunity to.”

“Ha! You were always my favorite member.”

Yoongi opens his notebook again, unable to meet your eyes anymore. “Just listen before I change my mind.”

---

“Have you seen y/n? Hey! Have you seen y/n?” Jungkook asks Hoseok and Jimin, he has visited every single room in the house twice and walked the perimeter a dozen times.

“She’s not inside?” Hoseok asks.

“No! I’m scared-I’m scared she went to the lake.”

“Why would she do that?” Jimin asks.

“I think she wanted to take a bath? I don't know!”

“Well, did you tell her there’s a field of zombies in the way before you get to the lake?” Jin says, walking up to the group with Namjoon, Taehyung, and that asshole Dev.

“No, I didn’t tell her how to get there.”

Yoongi listens to his bandmates talk about you and takes a deep breath trying to calm his nerves. The sun is setting in the distance.

“I told her.”

“What?!”

“We have to go find her!”

“We have to get inside, it’s getting dark.” Dev says.

“I’ll go search for her-” Jin moves to leave.

“No, it’s too dangerous, you’ll get yourself killed-”

“Who’s getting themselves killed?” You stop your bike in front of the group of men. Your hair is still damp, a towel hangs over your shoulders and you are wearing a newly washed pair of joggers and a hoodie, almost dry after your trek. Two bags hang from your handle bars, and you pull them off and hand one bag to Yoongi. “Your clothes, I washed them...because you told me where the lake was.” You walk inside, but not before glaring at a shocked Jungkook.

---

“I didn’t ask you to worry for me. I don’t want you to,” you defend yourself from the three men currently yelling at you.

Namjoon, Jin, and Jungkook look at you like three upset dads, and you are ready to play the part of rebellious teenage daughter.

“Okay, we need to set some rules-” Namjoon starts.

“Why?”

“So you don’t get yourself killed!” Jungkook yells.

“I’m not-”

“What about us, what if some of them followed you back and then they attack us here?” Jin asks you, a serious look in his eyes that makes you feel guilty even though you know you have nothing to feel guilty about. You don’t want to tell them you killed all the zombies you came across, so many you lost count.

“I was careful.”

“Okay, but we have rules to keep everyone safe. You have to follow them too y/n.”

“So you want me to just follow a bunch of rules that you men came up with? Great, the one thing that hasn’t been destroyed in the apocalypse has to be The Patriarchy.” You cross your arms and they look at each other at a loss for words.

“Fine, I won’t go back to the lake, alright? Unless I get permission, okay? And I’ll stand guard tonight, if any zombies come I’ll make sure they won’t get anywhere near you guys.”

“You don’t have to-” but you’re already making your way to the post before they can argue.

---

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me!”

Looks like your post partner tonight is that asshole Dev. He makes his way beside you. “Can we talk?”

“Do I have much of a choice now that I’m a captive audience?”

“I know you hate me, but you would have done the same thing in my situation!” His shitty apology doesn’t surprise you, it annoys you more than anything.

“I would not have done that, because I’m not a psychopath.”

“I was just trying to survive. I think we’ve all done things we’ve regretted trying to survive, you’re telling me you haven’t?”

You roll your eyes, but you can’t help but remember the family overrun by zombies you didn’t help, the countless screams of victims you walked away from. It hurts your heart, but these circumstances were something you came across, not something you actively created, there is no justification for what he did in your mind.

After a minute of silence Dev’s annoying voice starts up again, “You look good, you look better than I remember.”

You scoff, “Please just give me a reason to castrate you.” And he stops talking until Taehyung and Jimin come to relieve you.

---

The days go by and you start to get along with everyone, except for Dev, Dev is an asshole.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Put lipstick on?”

“Because I like this shade.” You are being obtuse on purpose. You don’t want to tell Hoseok you still put makeup on because it makes you feel human, it’s one of the only creature comforts you can still participate in, and wearing lipstick and a bit of eyeliner makes living this dystopian nightmare a bit more bearable, you want to at least die looking good.

“Hey, does Kangho have any scissors, I could give you a haircut?”

You end up giving all the men haircuts, even that asshole Dev because you didn’t want to ruin the mood. You cut off the last bits of dye on their ends, trimming their hair to the best of your ability. You kept Jungkook’s hair long, giving him an undercut instead, and pulled his hair into a bun with one of your priceless hair ties.

Everything was going good, until one day the person you least expected to ruin your cohabitation caused a rift that couldn’t be fixed.

-

The security guard, Minho, seems sweet, and you’ve accepted was only doing his job when he left you for dead, starts talking more and more to you. He’s easy to talk to, he feels like someone you might have had a chance with in your pre-apocalyptic life.

Being around a ton of testosterone wasn’t bad, but it was isolating. Sometimes you think they forgot you were a woman. Going around the place half naked, always flexing their muscles cutting wood or practice fighting, cuddling you at night, like you were expected to not feel things from the way they grabbed your hands and pulled you close on supply runs, or sat so close to you you were practically in the laps.

The former boyband treated you like another one of the guys, but their body guard was a different story, he was definitely flirty with you. And you were longing for a different kind of human contact. So the next time you’re alone together on night watch you give him a kiss on the cheek.

You weren’t expecting his swift change in personality. Being around the polite singers made you forget that not all men were so well mannered.

He had grabbed the opportunity and kissed you, on the lips instead. It was nice, until he deepened the kiss, pulling you closer, hands on your chest before you could even properly kiss him back.

“Can we just slow down a second?” You try to push him away when Minho snakes his hand under your shirt. His lips attach themselves to your neck and you squirm away from his grasp.

“No, I said no!” You glare at him when he pulls away and looks at you annoyed, and you decide to leave him to look out by his damn self, jumping down to the ground and stomping away.

Minho looks over the ledge, face scrunched up in frustration, “You could at least make yourself useful.”

You laugh at that. A loud mocking laugh that you knew would get you in even more trouble, but you don’t care.

“What the fuck is so funny?”

“How pathetic you are.”

And then he climbs down and you brace yourself for the worst. He hits you and you fall back with his crushing weight on top of you.

Monster is all you can think, when he yanks your shirt up, revealing your bra.

He pauses, looking at your exposed skin, jaw slack as his eyes refocus to roam over your body in the darkness more carefully.

You take that moment to kick him straight in the groin, in the most satisfying of hits that knocks the wind completely out of him, and you let out a piercing scream that will probably alert every undead person in the area.

The men inside run out carrying weapons, and see you on the ground, covering yourself quickly with a swollen lip and it doesn’t take an 148 IQ to tell them what’s going on.

Jin pulls you to your feet. Your body shakes with adrenaline while you clutch onto his arm for support.

The singers move in front of you to guard you from their bodyguard.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You’ve never seen the leader so angry before.

“Kim, she came onto me, she kissed me first.”

You scoff, “That doesn’t give you permission to take advantage of me, idiot.”

“Shut the hell up, I’m not talking to you. You’re just a dumb fangirl who got lucky-”

“I’m actually very smart, you dumbass muscle head bastard. Don’t take your shit out on me just because you peaked in high school!”

The men keep you and him apart as he jumps to grab you.

Minho stops fighting and moves away, winded from being held back by everyone. “Stop this.” His hands on his hips as he steadies his breathing, “Just let me have her.” He waves his hand for them to hurry up, acting like he somehow suddenly had the authority to start making demands.

Namjoon feels disgusted by his long time friend. Everyone is looking to him to solve the situation, but he can barely contain his anger.

“Leave.”

“Namjoon, how long have we known each other, how long have I protected you, huh?”

“You need to go-”

“It’s night time, how am I supposed to-”

“Leave! Before I make you,” Namjoon’s growls.

Minho stands his ground, “I would like to see you try, you think you can beat me in a fight?”

“Against all nine of us, you’ll lose.” Jimin stands next to his leader.

“Ugh, I’ll go,” you swallow, this is not what you wanted, someone getting themselves hurt over you.

“Stop, no.” Jin is already pulling you into a protective embrace, hushing you. “Come on, let’s go inside-”

"You're really going to choose her over me?!"

The argument is halted when a low gurgling noise in the distance is heard. It was a wonder the monsters hadn’t shown up sooner the way everyone was yelling at each other.

Everyone runs inside, barricading the doors. The house is quiet now, no one dares to speak as grunts and growls are heard in every direction.

Everyone stays up until the sun rises. The singers are in a group whispering to each other, while you sit next to the old man, who has an axe in his lap, ready to protect you. Dev sits by the door, looking through the cracks for any sign of the undead. The body guard stands alone, and you wonder what he’s planning next.

Namjoon calls for you to join them and the bodyguard starts walking over as well, and the argument starts all over again.

“He didn’t say ‘come here, rapist asshole,”

“You kissed me first-”

“We’re leaving for Seoul.” The leader proclaims.

Dev decides to finally insert himself into the conversation, “What?! We have a good thing going here, it’s too dangerous to leave!”

“We’ve stayed here too long. The plan was always to go to Seoul.” Yoongi says.

“Our families could still be in Seoul,” Taehyung says, "The embassy is in Seoul too, for you and y/n.”

“You’re not coming with us,” Namjoon says to the bodyguard.

“Why would I want to?” Minho grits out.

“What do you think, y/n?” Jimin asks.

Suddenly all eyes are on you. “Yeah,” you nod. “That’s a good idea.”

“WHAT?!” Dev’s annoying voice is back.

“Well, actually, in my opinion it’s a horrible idea. But, I mean, it’s good to have a goal right? If there is even the slightest possibility you could find your families, I say you should take it...I would.” You look around at the men with hopeful eyes. “Who knows, maybe every single zombie movie in existence had it wrong.” Yoongi laughs, proving to be your favorite again. “If you guys are headed to Seoul, then I’ll go too.”

---

Let me know who you want to spare, you may only choose one member :D.

[avengersassemble-fics]

You Again

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word count 3k

an: lmao LISTEN do i know its been two years since this was updated?? yes BUT ya know the people ask and the people shall receive lol feel free to catch up if ya want. also!! if you're invested in this pls bare with me on the links, my blog was changed in 2019, but I fixed the master list links so use that or search on the blog! be careful.. things aren’t always what they appear ;)

We’ve been together long enough for me to figure it out

The sentence flowed out of her red stained lips easily which threw everyone for a loop, surprised glances were tossed around the group. Barry’s mouth formed an O shape and Diana’s brows raised as she glanced between you and Bruce, whose angry eyes were locked on the smirking Selina Kyle. Bruce’s hand locked onto her arm and started pulling her away, leaving his team behind and Diana cleared her throat.

“Right then, let’s. . Get back.”

Her sympathetic eyes locked onto your face, which had a blank expression and led everyone back to the plane. It was strangely quiet, except for Barry who spoke quickly to Clark about something, “And I told him, all I did was push people over and run away, but he didn’t believe me! So..”

With Alfred’s help the plane almost completely piloted itself, Diana didn’t have to do much for it to return to the safe house. As it neared, she flipped a few switches to conceal the aircraft, and landed the plane just outside the familiar abandoned building. The engines slowed to a hummed noise, and everyone got up from their seats - everyone except for you. Barry passed you first but paused, which made Diana press her elbow into his back to make him move along. Clark stopped beside you, and placed a hand on your shoulder carefully, which caused you to look up from your pensive state, a small hmm leaving your lips.

“You wanna come inside?” He asked. You looked from his stare to your hands, and sighed.

“Don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

Clark smiled sadly at you, “Not too much of a choice.”

You laughed at his honesty. It wasn’t actual laughter, but he recognized the sarcasm laced in it. The half smile, the way you shook your head, and you finally stood. He let you walk off first and into the light drizzle of rain. Each step the pair took further from the ship, the ground beneath it began to descend. You didn’t even need to look behind you, Bruce was ever the brilliant man for that detail too.

Tonight you were learning quite a bit from him. Just like before.

When Clark and you joined the rest of the group, the chatter quieted. Barry was attempting to locate food in the kitchen, and Diana stood straighter from leaning against the wall near it. She smiled sheepishly at you, and Clark left from your side. You looked at the computer in the room, and was the one to ask the dreaded question.

“When is he going to be here?”

Diana glanced at Clark for a moment, who only shrugged his shoulders, “We’re. . . Not sure.”

You nodded, and found yourself drawn to the couch, and planted yourself there on one side. Tonight made everything much more clear for you about the breakup, about those last few months of your relationship with Bruce. It wasn’t the Batman revelation that made the split happen, no it was something much worse. Something that happened just a couple months after that.

Work had gotten busier for you. That wasn’t to say you weren’t successful during your relationship with Bruce, he didn’t play into that. You were successful before you met Bruce, but somehow in those last few weeks things had exploded for your business. You found yourself swamped in work but it was good, it was so good for you and your career. But with it, and with Bruce’s new found vigilantism, you began to see less and less of one another.

He stopped sending flowers, he stopped sending those cute emails like he would at random times in the day, you heard from him less and less. But it wasn’t all his fault, it fell on you as well. Some dinners were cancelled, calls were missed, and texts unsent. It wasn’t on purpose, it just happened. But you didn’t want it to. You never wanted it to.

One night, you remembered the rain and how hard it fell that night, you drove out to see him, in that house by the lake you often wanted to call home. You did, kind of, you stayed there for most nights during the week, but not so much anymore. It was hard to see past the sheet of rain as you pulled into the long waved driveway. But you did it. You parked behind his car and switched the engine off, and squinted into the glass windows. All the lights were on of course, but there was no sign of him.

You had to fling the door open and grab your purse and rush inside. You fumbled with your key and slid it into the lock and let yourself in, but it didn’t matter, you were completely drenched. As you shut the door behind you and wiped some of the water from your face, you heard the tap of feet come down the hallway. But it wasn’t Bruce’s, Alfred came around the corner, and looked shocked to see you.

“Hey Al,” you greeted, and smiled at him.

“I keep telling him to pull the car in if he’s expecting you,” he casually said. You set your purse down and removed your wet jacket, and Alfred was quick to grab it from you.

“Oh he wasn’t expecting me I just thought I’d surprise him,” you said, “is he..?”

“I’m afraid he is,” Alfred replied, already knowing the question. You nodded and started towards the bedroom you shared with Bruce. You didn’t know what you were going to find out that night.

You were pulled from your thoughts when the door opened, everyone looked to it and weren’t surprised to see Bruce enter the room. He looked nervous, everyone could see it, and you just kept your arms rested on your legs, and stared at him.

Bruce let the door close behind him as he took a couple steps into the room. He looked between Clark, Diana, and you. Barry was eating something behind the group in the kitchen, and wasn’t paying too much attention. Clark and Diana stood behind the couch, arms crossed in front of them, but Diana was the first to break the silence.

“Do you care to tell us what’s going on, Bruce?” she asked.

Bruce glanced your way again, but you had averted your gaze to the wall, “I’ve been in contact with Selina about what’s going on, after the Arkham break out,” he stated very carefully.

“Only after?” Clark asked. Bruce narrowed his eyes at him, but you sat there and your stomach turned.

“For this matter, yes,” he said honestly. But Clark knew this wasn’t the answer you had hoped for. He looked at your shoulders tense, as did Bruce. You just continued to rub your hands together.

“Well, what does she know?” Diana pressed.

“The mayor’s office has covered up the fact that all of Arkham’s inmates were broken out,” he said, “not escaped. Someone initiated it. She doesn’t know who this guy is, but he’s planning some kind of siege on the city,” he paused, “he’s only starting with Gotham. Metropolis, Central City, Star City, they’re all going to be targeted.”

Silence filled the room. Diana looked down at her feet and Clark up to the ceiling for a moment. Barry was fully paying attention at this point, and shifted his weight from one leg to another, “Shouldn’t we be getting more guys in on this then? Anyone?”

“I know a lead in Star City,” Bruce said, “but getting him in may be difficult.”

“It’s a start,” Clark said. There was a nodded agreement amongst them, and Diana looked to you once more. She motioned for Clark and Barry to follow her out of the room. Clark followed, pushing Barry along in front of him, who exclaimed his confusion.

That left Bruce and you alone in the open. He had his hands twisted in his jacket pockets and looked at his feet. You finally broke your stare from the wall and looked at him. You both didn’t say anything, and you could feel the sting in your eyes. It was funny, you had told yourself just 6 months ago you wouldn’t cry over Bruce Wayne ever again. Yet here you were.

“What did she mean by it,” you asked in almost a whisper. But he heard you. He just didn’t know how to reply. His silence though bothered you.

“What did she mean by it, Bruce,” you said a little stronger now. That made him finally look up and meet your gaze.

“We’ve been. . . Intimate a few times,” he said, “nothing more than that.”

You nodded, a hurt smirk on your face, “For how long.”

Bruce took a step forward, “(Y/N)-”

“Dont fucking gaslight me,” you said, standing from the couch and pointed at him, “tell me the truth. For how long.”

“Fine! You really wanna know?” He yelled, and put his hands on hips.

“Yes! I want to fucking know!”

“Over a year! There! Are you fucking happy?”

You blinked at him as your jaw dropped a little. Over a year. You broke up only 13 months ago. That could only mean. . . You couldn’t even finish the thought, but his face gave you the answer you never wanted to hear.

“Is that why you pushed me away,” you whispered, “because-”

“Yes,” he breathed, “I. . . Couldn’t bear the thought that I had done it. And I couldn’t admit it to you.”

A single tear fell down your cheek. You shook your head as you focused on a spot on the floor, “Did you. .  In the house did you-”

“Yes,” he mumbled, “a couple of times, yes.”

“A couple,” you stopped yourself, “in the bed that. . . that we would-”

“Yes,” he finished for you. Silence fell over you both as you two began to process what he was sharing, every gruesome detail. Tears were on the brim of your eyes, and Bruce looked on sadly. He tried to take a step closer to you, and you moved away to the end of the couch.

“What do you think-”

“I’m sorry,” he pleaded, “I’m so sorry. I loved you, I still love you-”

“No,” you cut him off this time, “you don’t do that to someone you love.”

“Please just let me explain-”

“No,” you cut him off again, and took another step back, “no you don’t get to explain anything to me.”

Bruce stopped in his tracks, and watched you glance over him one time, and then you turned away from him. And in that moment, he felt like he lost you all over again. He watched you walk away, just like he did over a year ago. And it still broke his heart.

You made it to your room and shut the door very softly. You had managed to hold the tears in but couldn’t any longer. They slid down your cheeks and neck and you stared at the bed before you. The thought of last night came into your mind and something in you snapped. You practically tore the clothing off your body and threw it into a corner of the room, it would go forgotten for awhile. You took your time picking out shorts and a basic tee to throw on when you looked over at the bed. Your skin burned just looking at the sheets and covers on it.

Frantically, you tore every piece of bedding off of it and threw it in the same pile as the clothes. Tears clouded your vision as you worked on peeling each dirty memory from the bed, until it was bare. And you were bare. A quiet sob left your body and you covered your mouth with your hand, and eased yourself onto the ground. You pulled your legs to your chest and leaned against the bed. Tears just slid down your cheeks, and you sat there. Alone. Quiet.

There was a soft knock at the door, but you didn’t bother to acknowledge it. However, that didn’t stop the person from pushing your door open. From the corner of your eye, you saw the tall figure, who tried to look for some kind of sign they could come in. The best you could offer was a glance, and your face scrunching up in another cry. A plea.

Clark entered your room and shut the door behind him. He hurried over to you and sat beside you and that’s when you started to cry once more. His right arm wrapped around your shoulder and you leaned into his side. Your body shook from the cries, and he wrapped his left arm around you to soften the gasps. His chin rested above your head as you burrowed yourself more and more into him.

He sat there with you until you started to calm down. Until the gasps stopped, until your sniffles disappeared, and until you released your legs from your grasp. He tilted his head to get a look at you, and all he could see were those (e/c/l) pensive eyes staring at the wall.

“Stay here,” we whispered. You nodded in response and he carefully detached himself from you. As he stood, you watched as he entered your bathroom and entered the closet in there. He was gone for just a few moments before he reappeared with a fresh set of sheets, and new comforter. He didn’t say anything as he worked around you to fit the sheets on, dress the pillows in new covers, and smooth the comforter over the bed. You didn’t make eye contact with him again until he kneeled before you, and rested his arms on his legs.

“Come on,” he whispered, and held a hand out for you. You looked from his face to his hand, and hesitated only for a moment to take it. Clark pulled you up from the floor, and with his strong arms he helped you climb into bed, and under the covers.

He offered a small smile, and you still gripped his hand. He turned as if to leave, but the fact you didn’t let go of his hand pulled his attention back to you.

“Can you stay for a bit longer, Kent?” You whispered it to him, but he heard you.

He would always hear you.

He nodded and crawled over you so he sat beside you. You sat there quietly for a few moments before you spoke again.

“Did you hear?”

You played with the blanket covering you, and Clark sighed, “I did. . . I’m sorry.”

You shrugged, “I know you can’t help it,” you smiled sadly to yourself, “I just,” you laughed a bit, but this time he could hear that hurt, “Bruce he was the first one that I let into my life, after..”

You trailed off, and Clark frowned, but you didn’t look at him. You just kept playing with the fabric of the blanket.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

You glanced over your shoulder a bit, and then focused back on the blanket you played with. You moved a bit, shimmied down the bed and Clark couldn’t help but smile at your movements. You proceeded to lay your head in his lap, and he carefully moved his arm so it rested behind your back. You were positioned so that you stared ahead at the door, and Clark instinctively started to gently run his fingers over your hair.

He remembered vividly the last time he did this with you. Before you went off for college, before he disappeared from your life. He sat in this same position, and you rested your head in his lap and fell asleep. It would be the last time you saw him for years. But not the last time he would see you.

“Clark,” you suddenly called out.

“Yes?” he asked. You twisted a bit so your head laid straight up in his lap and you could meet his gaze.

You bit your lip a bit as you wondered about your question, “After you left. . . Did you ever come back?”

There was something in your still wet eyes, and they looked at him in a way he hadn’t seen himself in years. You were looking for the truth, it was something you needed to know. Clark cleared his throat and shifted a bit back towards the headboard.

“I did,” he admitted, “a couple of times, but. . . You were gone by then. And your mom she wouldn’t-”

“She never told me,” you said quietly.

Clark nodded, “I saw you once,” he paused and you looked at him in shock, “in Metropolis. Sitting outside a restaurant.”

That was enough to get you back sitting up, and facing him completely now, “You saw me?”

He nodded, “You were reading Jane Eyre, your favorite, the same copy your father gave you. You had this blue dress on and I saw you from the other side of the street, couldn’t miss you,” he smiled a bit to himself, and you looked at him with sad eyes, “I was going to go over, but then I saw Bruce join you, and you two kissed and I thought. . . You’d be better off not knowing I was there.”

You smiled sadly at him and then suddenly you had moved to lay down. Clark’s arm wrapped down your back as you cushioned yourself into his side. You didn’t say anything and neither did he. Why you felt the need to hug onto his side was beyond him, but Clark didn’t budge the rest of that night. You needed someone there with you, and if you needed it to be him then he would be there.

----------

this is the old tag list y’all I cannot believe im doing this to you, if you wanna be removed just let me know im cackling im so sorry

@panic-angel3314 @dutifullyfuriousnerd @mrsemmaevanswriting @fourtristattoos @offlikeadirty-shirt@barrel-racing-lover @sexyvixen7 @bless-my-demons @sarcastic-ohohoh @whovianayesha@neohhetric @my-dccomic-dreams @hellomistressj @avengersgirllorianna @spunky-89@dammitkyloben @topthis808 @theboldandthebootyful @andtheytoldustotellyouhello @amandakwoodstock @brooke-supernatural16 @kissingwintergoodbye @missthang2734 @random-fandom-lady @supernaturaldean67 @crimesolversherlock​ @lunaticgurly @sweetiele-ash

[gizkasparadise]

cdrama rec/review: le coup de foudre

KDRAMA AND CDRAMA MASTER LIST OF REVIEWS

Series: le coup de foudre / love at first sight / i don’t like this world, i only like you Episodes: 35 w/ a special Genres: then & now, slice of life, high school to adult life, romance, reunion/getting back together, working with the ex Spoilers in the Rec: for set-up/light ones for character backgrounds If You Like, You’ll Like: the reply series, sad-looking dogs that are loved very much, because this is my first life (VERY similar male lead), sibling love, my sunshine but if people were nicer and had significantly better hair, multiple couples that are all a lot of fun

Rank: 10/10

PREMISE

flashback to 6-8 years ago (because the OP here can’t remember lol): it’s desk selection day in qiao yi’s classroom! a very dramatic moment for all high schoolers, qia yi has to select who she sits next to. because she’s at the bottom of the class ranking, she gets last pick, which essentially narrows down her choices to that creepy kid who writes love poetry to every female student in the class and yan mo, the scary genius student who has placed 1st in their class since...forever.

taking a gamble, qiao yi goes with yan mo. yan mo eventually agrees to tutoring qiao yi outside of class and they become friends. then...friends? if you know what i mean. it’s very sweet and cute. only problem is that yan mo is both a genius and from a Family of Means, and so is already planning on attending cambridge (yeah, fucking cambridge) after graduation. not wanting to separate, yan mo asks qiao yi to come with him and she agrees to study hard so she can get accepted to a university in the UK, too.

but then, well, bad shit happened. 

qiao yi ended up staying in their home town, yan mo left for cambridge, and we got two v heartbroken teenagers on our hands.

4 years later, yan mo returns after studying in the uk, and by chance they end up bumping into each other. angry because qiao yi hurt him, yan mo puts up an ALOOF AND COLD AND I DONT CARE AT ALL front that she sadly buys. but after he leaves for the big city to pursue a business opportunity, qiao yi harnesses some amazing big dick energy to go after him, in a sort of inverse DONT LET HER GET ON THAT PLANE! move. very abba. 

the plot bounces between their (and their friends’) high school years, their lives as reunited adults, and their future lives as married folks. i love it very, very much.

MAIN CHARACTERS

zhao qiao yi

as a high schooler, qiao yi was a quiet girl with low self-esteem, who consistently ranked at the bottom of her class and was always attempting to retreat into her school tracksuit like a turtle. despite this, qiao yi has some solid friends and is always kind if somewhat shy or uncomfortable in certain situations. as a adult, qiao yi works as a television producer and is clearly more confident. 

she buys truly awful graphic t-shirts as thank you gifts that one feels obligated to wear. falls for scams easily. will help you fold 1000 paper stars for your boyfriend even if she hates your boyfriend because she’s ride or die like that. look at how cute she is no one is allowed to be mean to someone as cute as this.

yan mo / “frank”

if you liked se hee in because this is my first life, you’re in luck because here is a 10% angrier version. at first, yan mo seems cold, aloof, snobbish, pretentious, arrogant...

okay, but he’s ALSO got a lot of feelings and will help people out. well, at the start of the show, he’ll help two people out. but that expands to like 10. so, progress! in high school, he falls for qiao yi in the typical Cannot Spit It Out fashion, buying her sentimental cans of coke, PUTTING IN ONE EARBUD SO SHE CAN LISTEN TO THE BEATLES WITH HIM, feeling Weird about her tying his tie, and single-handedly ruining a for-profit afterschool tutoring business in about 30 seconds, because they weren’t teaching qiao yi anything, and he knew he could do it better. tbh he completely fucking destroys a lot of things and people in under a minute. #ruthless

he’s very protective of qiao yi and rather than explain it, here is a clip from the special episode where yan mo confronts another student who left a love confession meant for qiao yi in his desk by mistake (subtitles have to be selected under settings, but it’s subbed in english):

zhao guan chao

zhao qiao yi’s twin brother, who has always placed 2nd in their classes after yan mo. despite his high grades, he comes off as a laidback teen heartthrob and has a reputation for being a flake and a playboy. BUT he’s legit a chill dude and clearly popular for a reason--he gets along with (almost) everyone. he loves his sister and is extremely protective of her, especially since she’s so shy and has low self-esteem for Reasons That Will Be Explained in the Tragic Backstory. he’s such a good brother. the best brother. also looks out for qiao yi’s best friend, wu yi. understands the value of shoes.

hao wu yi

qiao yi’s best friend, and another classmate of The Crew. i say this with so, so much love, but she’s got a lot of chaotic dumbass energy. struggling along the bottom ranks with qiao yi during high school. she has the worst taste in men as a teenager, falling for the guy who literally bullied her in like. ep 2. thankfully she’s got qiao yi and guanchao.

the trio are close, and that doesn’t change as they grow up. wu yi ends up becoming a novelist who writes pop and steamy romance novels and has a significant teenage girl fanbase. it’s amazing. 

fei da chuan

my boy. another classmate, he, qiao yi, and wu yi make up the official Dumbass Trio of their high school class and have adorable adventures + solidarity in it. he’s also yan mo’s uncle. somehow. because rich people families are wild. while he’s got a place to live, he more often than not crashes at yan mo’s, who Does Not Like It. but da chuan does not notice or care. 

abrasive but 100% sincere about everything and toward everyone. people will think he’s an asshole or a gangster but then he’s secretly feeding abandoned kittens in the corner or something. as an adult, has the best business casual outfits. serves as a big brother figure to a lot of people, but qiao yi in particular. cannot, cannot fucking do math.

SUPPORTING

“alicia” / cheng youmei. an old family friend of yan mo’s who is very posh and rich and dignified. studied abroad with him at cambridge, and is cold toward qiao yi after arriving back in china. cosplays B)

teacher gao. everyone’s high school teacher who later owns a bar that seems to be there only for dispensing advice. seriously. there is no way this bar is economically sound as the only customers you ever see are gao’s students coming in one at a time for Wisdom and you never see them pay for anything. also the bar has no fucking roof and is directly above traintracks. i have hang-ups about this bar

lin shu. yan mo’s mother. very sweet and pretty and a ballernia turned program director. is almost never home but clearly loves her son. du chaun’s sister. somehow.

zhao suyin. qiao yi and guan chao’s mother. one of her kinks is roleplaying condor heroes characters? okay okay okay

tian weimin. qiao yi and guan chao’s stepfather who works as police officer. best dad award. he’s so sweet and corny and peak dad humor. he loves them kids & they love him back

grandpa. yan mo’s dog in high school. a very old basset hound with sad eyes:

dollar or d. i cant tell you anything about him, other than he used to be a stray and yan mo says he’s ugly, which, rude.

DRAWBACKS

plot...hm. there’s SOME plot, but this is about characters + romance + friendship + family. if you’re looking for scheming mothers-in-law or tragic car accidents or secret destinies this isn’t the one for you. similar in vibe to Reply 1988 (they even watch the show in the show :’D / make references to it)

OKAY SO every plot summary i’ve seen says that yan mo is in a relationship with someone else when he gets back to china. no he is not. i say this because it was a huge turn off for me/initially put me off watching the series. he is definitely a one-and-only type. there’s no cheating in this show. lmao, hell, neither of the mains are even interested in anyone else but each other

i liked du chuan and his love interest a lot, but they definitely didn’t get as much screen time as the others

while it’s clear qiao yi + yan mo are the mains, another couple gets a lot of screen time as well. this might be a skip if you don’t like multiple couples/secondary relationships in a show

i surprisingly enjoyed the high school storyline a lot more than the adult one? which is super weird for me, but idk i was sad when it was over because it was so cute.

some...weird technical decisions. every once in a while, the camera will have like a nostalgia filter and then it disappears and then the edges get a bit blurry and idk it feels very film school 101 to show that what’s on screen is a ~memory. the soundtrack/music is sometimes also too loud--to the point where it can drown out the actors (particularly janice wu in the high school arc, since qiao yi is soft-spoken)

REASONS TO WATCH

the lead actors (janice wu + zhang yujian) are legit two of my favorites and they have great/easy chemistry. all the actors are amazing. everyone’s loveable

SIBLING GOALS the zhao twins are amazing and they’re both each other’s biggest fans. gaunchao had some really heartwarming brother moments

i love love lmao. this spoke to a lot of my favorite dynamics: exes reunited/having to work together, childhood sweethearts reuniting as adults, “gangster” and princess, childhood friends turned lovers, bickering couples, cold man who actually has a lot of feelings, lots of people being overprotective, idk. everything was just great. 0 complaints on any of the ships.

i genuinely liked every character other than that one piece of shit poppa zhao. even alicia, who’s put into the stereotypical rich bitch role, was actually really fun and subverted a lot of expectations for this trope

it’s just. real cute y’all. probably my favorite cdrama and definitely in my top 10 (maybe 5?) dramas overall.

FINAL THOUGHTS

i love them ;;

[obaewankenope]

If you want "Absconding with Harry" questions, talk to us about how time-turners compare to Crowley's ability to halt time. Like... compare and contrast.

I’m not going to lie, nonnie, I legit grinned in delight at this. Warning, incoming nerding.

.

Okay. This- this is interesting.

So, in order to answer thisquestion, we first must consider the nature of the time-turner in HPcanon. Looking it up on the HP wiki gives us a general run-down ofhow they work:

“...a magical device used for time travel… encased anHour-Reversal Charm in the time turners...for additional stability.The number of times one turned the hourglass corresponded to thenumber of hours one travelled back in time. However, they can onlystay in the past for five hours at a time, without the possibility ofserious harm to the traveller or to time itself.” -https://harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Time-Turner

So the time-turner is anHour-Reversal Charm placed on a magical artefact which can be used bya magical user to travel up to five hours back in time. We knowthat’s how they work courtesy of Harry Potter and thePrisoner of Azkaban whenHermione and Harry use her time-turner to rescue Sirius and Buckbeakfrom death and dementors. The movie gives us a sort of visual of howits conceptualised as working, with time happening in reverse aroundHarry and Hermione, whilst they are unaffected. Their present formsdisappear from Ron’s viewing before they return through the doorsof the infirmary. So they cease to exist in the present in order toexist in the past and continue from there.

Of course, they don’t return tothe future with the time-turnerwhich, it is implied, is possible. Whether this is just an issue withexplanations or how the wiki conveys it, it’s not all that relevantreally. There’s no actual evidence of how the time-turner worksbeyond what HP3 gives us—no, I don’t consider CursedChild to be canon, sod offlmao—so anything after this is supposition.

The Hour-Reversal Charm has alimited time before it becomes harmful to the person and to time atlarge. This is supported by the supplemental material JokeKRowling onPottermore:

“All attempts to travel back further than a few hours haveresulted in catastrophic harm to the witch or wizard involved. It wasnot realised for many years why time travellers over great distancesnever survived their journeys. All such experiments have beenabandoned since 1899, when Eloise Mintumble became trapped, for aperiod of five days, in the year 1402. Now we understand that herbody had aged five centuries in its return to the present and,irreparably damaged, she died in St Mungo’s Hospital for MagicalMaladies and Injuries shortly after we managed to retrieve her.”

This suggests that there is aphysical toll to time-travel through magical means. If we usemodern-science to try and explain it, I suppose you could argue it’sa fundamental breakdown of the traveller’s body from the exertionof time-travel. I would imagine it’s sort of like when you travel abit too fast to besafe for the body and it experiences trauma from the force exerted.Of course, this is more theoretical physics and I am not aphysicist. Just a nerd who spent four hours arguing about time-travelonce with her step-father. That was a fun time.

I suppose if you could be protectedfrom the harm of the force exerted to time-travel in all ways thenyou could, in theory, not be affected in the way Pottermorestates Eloise Mintumble was affected. This also, incidentally infersthat the time-turners used by the Ministry are not capable of thesort of protection needed to avoid the trauma of time-travel beyondthe five-hour mark.

So, moving on to the use oftime-turners in Harry Potter canon and why they’re not used for,say, really significant events.

(By the way, what Dumbledore tellsHarry and Hermione to do is, technically, really fucking dangerous ofhim to do. So the fact that he does it anyway really just is one moreexample of how little fucking respect he has for an organisedinstitution and the laws of magic. Arrogant sod.)

Pottermore gives us a little moreinformation about the damage of using time-turners in a long-term,significant, or dramatic manner. Say, by travelling 50 years in thepast, or for big events like preventing someone’s execution etc:

“Even the use of the very limited amount of Time-Turners at theMinistry’s disposal is hedged around with hundreds of laws. Whilenot as potentially dangerous as skipping five centuries, the re-useof a single hour can still have dramatic consequences and theMinistry of Magic seeks the strictest guarantees if it permits theuse of these rare and powerful objects. It would surprise most of themagical community to know that Time-Turners are generally only usedto solve the most trivial problems of time-management and never forgreater or more important purposes, because, as Saul Croaker tellsus, ‘Just as the human mind cannot comprehend time, so it cannotcomprehend the damage that will ensue if we presume to tamper withits laws.’”

Now, the reason I’m interested inthis last quote here is that last bit right there. That “justas the human mind cannot comprehend time, so it cannot comprehend thedamage that will ensue if we presume to tamper with its laws”.That bit.

That ties in, quite fantasticallyactually, with my own beliefs regarding Crowley and how he affectstime. Crowley is a demon, as we all know. He’s a demon that isolder than the Earth, same as Aziraphale is an angel older thanEarth. We don’t know how old they are exactly but they’redefinitely older than Earth and time and all that stuff.

Crowley Fell before Earth. He becamea demon out of curiositymore than anything else. He reveals  during the apocalypse that hecan create a time-bubble and pull two other beings into it withoutany harmful effects to them or time on a larger-scale.

That, in itself, shows an acuteawareness of what time is, what it isn’t, and how to perform somepretty epic damage control for anything time shenanigan-related.

Crowley isn’t a human, obviously,and thus doesn’t have a human conception of anything.He doesn’t have a mortal conceptioneither, so he’s set apart from the magical creatures that populatethe world of Harry Potter. He is sourced from the Divine. From thatwhich made everything.All the laws of the universe are laws he understands and can ignoreas and when he wishes so long as he is sufficiently strongenough to do so.

Does this mean Crowley could changeevents with time-travel that a magical being wouldn’t be able to dowith a time-turner? Probably, yeah. Does this mean Crowley wouldchange events however? Probably not, no.

Because Crowley understands, unlikea human, the nature of time as a fundamental attribute of theuniverse in which he functions within. He understands that justbecause he existed before it, because he can ignore it, doesn’tmean he won’t be affected in some way by it. Or that those affectsare worth the meddling.

If he’s sufficiently motivated by,say, avoiding Armageddon? Oh, he’ll do something,but not once does he go back in time and fix the fuck up at thenunnery. Not once does he even mention it. Why not? Well, obviouslybecause others may have noticed the sudden shift. But also, becausedoing that likely would have done more harm than good. So he rollswith it until such a point when he can use his powers in a way thatis of some degree of benefit.

That it means putting him,Aziraphale, and Adam in a little bubble of time that is eithercompletely outside of any rules of time or works on some rules thatthe rest of reality doesn’t. The result is that time is stillhappening outside the bubble, but that they’re inside the bubbletalking. Obviouslyit’s sort of a mental little bubble, one that takes theirconsciousness to a plane where time is more of just a concept than anactual thing that has a direction and flow, hence why the sand is allpiled up on itself.

So what does this mean in regards tousing a time-turner? Would Crowley be able to use one? Would heinstinctively compensate for one? Or would the poor thing short thefuck out and do the equivalent of hiding in the corner screaminginsensibly? Who knows.

The last one is an amusing mentalimage but generally, no clue.

I have, in Absconding withHarry, the idea that magic canbe affected by miracles. That it’s safer to use miracles on adultsthan on children unless you consider All The Variables. But thatthere’s also always the risk that the children’s magic will reactunexpectedly. This is why Crowley and Aziraphale don’t perform toomany miracles directly on Harry. They may do it on the space aroundthem, may alter it a bit to filter out this and that, but until he’san adult, direct and constant applications of miracles isn’tsomething either of them are willing to do.

Also, both of them have their ownmagic. Not human, but angelic and demonic. It’s the sort of thingthat is like them channelling their angelic and demonic essencesthrough a mortal form (granted they’re technically immortallymortal but eh), which presents as magic because it’s used on aphysical plane. But, in the end, it’s still inhuman magic.

Which, thinking about it, makes themsimilar to goblins, centaurs, Veela, and so on.

Huh. That’s interesting.

Might need to consider that a bitfurther for later things in Absconding with Harry.

[elsaclack]

2019 writing meme

bc why not

i was tagged by @startofamoment and @disruptedvice!!! thanks guys i appreciate it lmao

things i’m for sure going to write:

the remaining six chapters of the royalty au i started in november of last year!! all of which have been outlined!!! and i’ll post a snippet of what i have written of chapter 5 below the cut!!

the remaining peraltiago kiss prompts in my inbox

the remaining starmora kiss prompt in my inbox

rewriting the enemies to friends to lovers in one night at a wedding oneshot that i stupidly forgot to cross-post before i deleted the original elsaclack

a groundhog day soulmate au wherein two soulmates relive the same day over and over and over again until they fall in love

things i’m very likely going to write:

a soulmate au in which a person’s soulmate appears to them 5 times throughout their life before they meet and helps them make 5 major life decisions that leads them both to their first irl meeting

an organized crime au wherein jake and amy are both independent con artists whose paths consistently cross, giving way to an extremely competitive (and flirty) kind of co-existence. at least that’s how jake sees it, up until he screws amy out of a $100,000 score - that’s when he finds out amy isn’t an independent con artist, but rather a worker bee for an extremely pissed-off mob boss who now wants them both dead. featuring a tech-savvy (and weapons-savvy) rosa and hitman charles

a set it up au wherein jake is on desk duty working as holt’s assistant for the foreseeable future and amy is kevin’s TA

a sound of music au that includes SEVEN of the peraltiago babies flying around fanon lmao

things i’d like to write at some point:

the proposal au that has literally been like 2-3 years in the making

a blatant and full-fledged hunger games au

ANYWAYS i also have like 342983649278 half-written and abandoned one-off wips in my docs that i might borrow from or finish at some point or another but i’m trying to not set myself up for failure by adding them to this list lmao. i’ll grab a few snippets from some of those just to throw them out there in the universe as an apology for being so inactive lately!!

i’m not sure who all has been tagged yet so forgive me if you’ve been tagged: @philtstone @johnny-and-dora @taxicabsandcupcakes @the-pontiac-bandit @johnnydora @snlsamberg @bklyn-ninenine and @proofthatihaveaheart!!!

no pressure tho obviously like please feel free to ignore!!!

ANYWAYS!!!!!

******ALL OF THESE ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE BEFORE PUBLISHING (WHERE APPLICABLE LMAO)******

you’re a king and i’m a lionheart ch. 5 preview:

It’s been precisely three weeks and five days since that secret, blessed afternoon in the library with Amy, and each day that has passed has been another stone tied around his ankles. He looks up for the first time since sitting down some twenty minutes earlier - she’s grimacing at him through the mirror, a deep valley of concern creasing the space between her brows, and as he shoots her a grimace of his own she catches her lower lip between her teeth and sets about nibbling. “It sucks,” she finally says.

“Well, yeah,” he leans back in his seat, until his shoulders brush against the warm, soft plane of her stomach, hidden beneath her uniform. “Most of this shit does.”

She grimaces again and reaches up, hands sliding over his shoulders to gently squeeze. “I wish I could say it’ll be over soon, but…”

“We both know it’d be a lie.”

“I may have a silver lining,” she kneads the pads of her thumbs into the knotted sinews of muscle lining his shoulder and his head drops forward automatically. “I’ll be there through the whole thing and I can probably get you out early.”

He groans appreciatively - both at her reminder and at the perfect warmth and pressure she’s applying to his shoulders and neck. “You’re an angel, you know?”

She huffs out a quiet laugh above him - and it’s the first time he’s heard it here, between the two of them, in a long time.

Three weeks and five days, to be exact.

a random neighbors au:

“So,” he says as he wriggles his key into the lock on his mailbox. From the corner of his eye he sees her head turned toward him, frozen in the act of rifling through her mail. “Are you a magician?”

He turns toward her to find her staring at him like he’s just beamed down from outer space, and for half a second he almost bails. Her brow is furrowed and the corners of her mouth are pulled down. “What?” she asks.

“Are you a magician?” he repeats. He waits until she’s blinked twice, before adding “‘cause when I look at you, everyone else disappears.”

The silence that follows rings just long enough for him to regret approximately eighty-seven percent of his collective life choices. She arches a brow and turns a little more fully toward him, but otherwise remains motionless until he forces himself to swallow thickly.

“That’s what you’re gonna go with?” she finally asks, and even though the vast majority of her demeanor is now overflowing with derision, he’s certain there’s a spark of amusement in her eyes. “Of all the cheesy pickup lines in the world, you’re going with...magician. You can’t honestly tell me you thought that would work.”

He can feel his face flooding with heat, embarrassment like static prickling up his spine to the back of his neck. She’s still staring at him expectantly, her mail now apparently forgotten as she lowers her hands to her hips, and when he tries to swallow it’s like the Sahara in his throat. “Uh,” he coughs a bit awkwardly, letting his keys hang from the lock so he can properly rub the back of his neck. “I just thought - since we’re the only ones in here -”

“No, I got that part,” she interrupts, a smile beginning to form in the curves of her face. “That was the only slightly redeemable part of...whatever that was supposed to be. But tacking it on to calling me a magician is definitely not achieving what you’re trying to achieve here.”

A brief, nervous laugh escapes his chest on an exhale, and this woman is still staring at him - though her amusement is far more pronounced now. In fact, he’d go so far as to say she looks mirthful in the way she appraises him from head to toe. “That definitely wasn’t my best,” he admits, reaching up for his keys, pleased to find his hands steadier than he expected them to be. “Can I get a do-over? And...maybe your number, while I’m at it?”

Her answering laugh is bright and loud and it simmers in his veins; it seems to catch her off-guard as it does him. She shakes her head and lifts her mail to her chest again, almost like she’s trying to put a barrier between them. “That was a little better,” she admits through a smile, “but still not great. Do any of those ever work for you?”

“Sometimes,” he nods, finally getting his mailbox door open just to find two overdue bills and a copy of Busty Ladies magazine inside. He stares for a beat, and then closes the door. “No mail for the falcon today.” he says cheerfully.

“The falcon?” she repeats - and all the derision from before is back.

“Oh, yeah, my - my gym buddies call me ‘the falcon,’ y’know, ‘cause - ‘cause I’m so badass.”

She stares, mouth just slightly agape, and he regrets ninety-three percent of his collective life-choices. “Wow,” she finally manages, backing a pace toward the door, and then another. “Well, uh, it was...interesting meeting you, Mr. The Falcon.”

He laughs, and she grins, and then she’s backing away earnestly and he’s left with the feeling of grasping at straws. “Ja- uh, it’s actually Jacob.”

“Jacob.” she repeats.

And he panics. “I don’t know why I said that, no one actually calls me Jacob. I mean, it’s my real name, it’s my - my full name, or proper name, or whatever. But my mom is the only one who calls me that and she only does it when I’m in trouble.” She’s almost to the doorway now, looking at him the way he suspects she looks at people who try to corner her in bodegas to passionately warn her of a looming apocalypse, and she’s about to disappear. “It’s Jake.”

She pauses just beside the doorway, head cocked just slightly to the left, and unreadable expression on her face. “Hi, Jake. You’re really weird.”

the hunger games au:

“What do you mean?” Jake asks. Santiago shifts, eyes darting to the right toward the end of the table, suddenly looking like a cornered animal. “Your game ended four years ago -”

She makes a noise, a loud “tch” sound between her teeth, and he falls silent. “I left the arena four years ago,” she says slowly. She’s still gripping her empty glass tightly, like it’s the only solid thing in the room. “But I’m still playing the games. The games are never over. They drag you back every year so you have a front row seat, they make you...talk to people,” she seems to have a hard time forcing the words out of her throat, which strikes Jake as a very Diaz-like thing to do. “It’s just...it’s never over. Never.”

The train passes into a tunnel, and suddenly the entire dining cart is thrown into an eerie, rapidly flashing orange light. The shadows cross Santiago’s face quickly, and she suddenly seems much older than she did before. She leans forward across the table toward him, and when her mouth opens, he catches the slightest smell of whiskey on her breath.

“Trust me, Peralta,” she whispers. “There’s only one loser in the games. And that’s the last one standing. The games only end when you do.”

“I don’t want to die.” he says, in a voice that is not his own, too dark and tense and quiet. “I don’t want to, I don’t want to...how, how do I...please, Santiago,” he finishes in a whisper, “help me.”

The tunnel ends, and the cart is once again bathed in the soft yellow light from the lamp on the side table behind her. He sees her swallow thickly, her fingers bone white for how hard they’re curled around her glass. She chews the inside of her cheek and casts a glance out the window toward that cluster of glittering lights in the distance growing steadily closer, before she returns to his face. “I-I can’t -” she rasps, pauses, clears her throat, and starts again. “I can’t...guarantee anything. You know that, don’t you? There’s nothing guaranteed about any of this, okay?”

His fingers and toes are numb and his heart feels like the flutter of a hummingbird’s wings against his breast as he nods. He grips the edges of the nearest plate and pulls it closer, until the edge digs into his chest.

“Okay,” she whispers, “I’ll help you.” Her right hand drifts to the deep divot in the tabletop from where Rosa’s knife had landed hours earlier, fingertips tracing and catching on the scar.

His chest quakes with a shaky exhale. Relief floods through his veins, hot and strong, and his whole body sags in heedy relief. “Thank you, God, thank you Santiago -”

She taps the bottom of her glass against the table loudly, cutting him off, and then turns her head up toward the ceiling. “Amy.” She says after a moment.

“I’m...what?”

She drops her chin again, and when her eyes find his he’s suddenly violently transported back in time to that moment in the Market four years previously, hours before her reaping, the last time he saw her eyes so clear and bright and present. “It’s Amy,” she says, “you can call me Amy.”

a sound of music au:

Mrs. Simms and Maria both start toward the staircase, a tense silence lingering behind them. Neither Jake nor Captain Santiago move until they hear a door click shut upstairs; the moment the silence descends again, Captain Santiago releases a breath and drops her head.

Somehow, her posture is still ramrod straight.

“I apologize, Mr. Peralta,” she says as she turns toward him, and suddenly Jake is aware of the deep crescents carved into the skin beneath her eyes and the weary way her shoulders curve inward beneath the padding in her suit jacket. “My priorities have just changed. I’m afraid I can’t focus on whatever it is you’re here to do -”

“Assist in the process of recovering from your injury,” he recites quietly.

She blinks, and then shakes her head slightly. “Right. Yes. That. I’m afraid I can’t do that until I find a replacement for my children’s nanny. I think it would be best if you just returned to the hospital for now.”

She starts toward the door, clearly expecting him to follow, but his feet remain planted on the floor. Her gait is uneven - he can see the slight limp on her left side, perhaps a tender knee or hip - and that same strange feeling from the day before is overwhelming in the cavern of his chest once again. “What if I stepped in as a nanny?” he hears himself ask.

Captain Santiago freezes in place, and then slowly turns back to face him, trepidation written as clear as day across her face. “You’re aware of the fact that there are seven of them, correct?”

He nods.

Her brow furrows. “You would be able to properly carry out your duties as a nurse in addition to nannying my children?”

He shrugs. “I don’t imagine the recovery process would be too extensive, since it seems like it’s only your left knee?” He raises his brows and glances at the knee in question.

A look of surprise flashes across her face. “Very observant,” she says, and he gets the feeling that it’s mostly to herself. He doesn’t respond; for a long moment they merely stand staring at each other. “Alright,” she finally says, “I’m willing to give this a try. But the moment the nursing process interferes with my children and their schedule, it’s over, and you will return to the hospital at once. Am I understood?”

He has to resist the urge to salute. “Absolutely, ma’am.” he says instead.

a the good place au (where jake and amy knew each other through competing precincts in the nypd and “hated” each other in life and therefore immediately recognize each other in the after-life):

The Architect takes him to his new home - something tailored specifically for this Other Jake’s tastes, something straight out of his personal nightmares - and he’s really starting to think that he’s going to get away with this. The Architect is showing him the television system and he’s watching point-of-view clips of advocacy works in Uganda and there are fifteen framed paintings of clowns in the corner and someone is knocking on his new front door.

And when the front door opens to reveal the person on the other side, all his hopes of staying are dashed.

Of all the people in the entire universe who could have been assigned to this afterlife neighborhood with him, of all the people in history who could have knocked on his front door, it just had to be Amy freaking Santiago.

-

She does, for whatever reason, wait to question him until after The Architect is gone.

Jake stalls as long as he can closing that front door, taking care to examine the knob - this big round thing that looks to be artificially rusted, how lame - and when he finally, slowly turns on the spot, she’s standing several paces ahead of him with her arms crossed tight over her chest and her foot tapping impatiently.

And suddenly he realizes that she’s wearing a pantsuit in the afterlife.

“So -”

“Don’t.” she snaps, and he drops his gaze to his feet with a nod. “I don’t know what’s going on or why you’re here, but there’s clearly been a mistake.”

“I could be in The Good Place -” he says indignantly.

“Did you even know you while you were alive? You were the most arrogant, pompous, self-centered and conceited human being I’ve ever met in my life!”

“Oh, please, Santiago. Just because I had a little bit of confidence -”

“I wasn’t finished.” she interrupts sharply, and he rocks backwards to his heels, feeling the door’s cool surface brushing against his shoulders. “All you ever cared about was looking cool and being the best. That’s not confidence, it’s arrogance.”

The all-too-familiar urge to argue with her bubbles up like bitter bile in his throat, but after a moment he feels himself deflating, the fight leaving him all at once. “You’re right,” he shrugs, and if he’s not mistaken there’s surprise cracking through that steely expression on her face. “I mean, the guy - The Architect? - he got my name right, but...that’s it. Those -” he gestures to the television, where the memories are still soundlessly playing on the screen “- are definitely not my memories. He mentioned that I was some kind of death-row lawyer and human rights advocate?”

Amy snorts - clearly in disbelief - but Jake smiles tentatively all the same. “Yeah, that’s obviously incorrect.”

“Here’s the real kicker, though - he said I was also a volunteer firefighter. Can you imagine?”

She pulls a face, laughs a more genuine laugh - and the defensiveness in her eyes diminishes half a degree. And later (much later) he’ll pinpoint this as the moment that hope sparked back to life inside his chest.

[foolgobi65]

Hey Maya! I was so thrilled to see that Chitrangadaa fic that I couldn't help storming into your Askbox. Can I please request a Hogwarts AU for Chitrangadaa if you haven't done it yet? Thanks! :))

ah im so glad u liked it!! please feel free to send me as many prompts as you want! also this is completely unedited and possibly quite terrible, and i decided to go with gay ulupi and chitrangada this time which is … lowkey canon anyway but still i really hope you like it! if you dont just send another prompt and i’ll try again lmao!

1. Chitrangada’s family is old, reputed, and cursed – every generation shall bare only one child to continue the family line. When Chitrangada is born, her father spares a brief moment to be disappointed that she was not a boy before kissing her forehead. After all, his grandfather was born of the Clan Mother and there are still stories that attest to her strength of will.

“My beautiful daughter,” he whispers and kisses her soft cheek once more, “Chitrangada.” 

2. Chitrangada enters Hogwarts the only daughter and heir to her family’s vast Welsh fortune. Traditionally, they are a family that has kept to themselves, far enough from the grip of London that they are easily forgotten amongst the high drama of the Sacred 28. Not for them are the vices that often plague the privileged – they cannot afford to lose an heir to liquor or grudge at the gaming boards. Even less do they suit the political intrigue of the English, the power plays and ideological warfare that has led to Kamsa’s 25-year iron grip. Chitrangada is raised safely in the family home, told to keep her head down and finish seven years without attracting any notice from those who might try to have her fight their battles. Courage too is just as likely to cull the lineage as stupidity.

“Gryffindor,” the Sorting Hat screams the moment it touches the 32nd in a line of Hufflepuffs.

3.“You know,” Chitrangada hears from somewhere in front of her,“there’s an easy fix to your problem.”

Chitrangada looks up, furiously brushing away her tears and attempting to pretend that she wasn’t just crying in an abandoned classroom.

“What do you know about my problems,” she asks the girl, a Ravenclaw by the looks of her robes, perhaps a year older than Chitrangada herself. The girl lowers herself to the ground, resting her back against the wall next to Chitrangada.

“You want to fight, yes?” Chitrangada bites her lip.

“It’s not so easy, you see my family–”

“I know about your family.” Chitrangada furrows her brow. “Then you know why my father won’t accept it.” She snorts. “And he would be right! I would be endangering everything my family stands for, for nothing!” Tears leak from the corner of her eyes and she buries her face in her knees once more.

“But you’ll do it anyway, won’t you.” It isn’t  a question. “Why?’

“Because things are so horrible, and I knew nothing,” Chitrangada says to the blessed dark behind her closed eyes. “I can’t go back to my home and spend the rest of my life reading obituaries and know that I did nothing to keep people safe!” She swallows.“I won’t run,” she says finally,“especially knowing how many people don’t have the option.”

The girl shifts closer and sighs, bringing her own knees up to her chest until they both sit side by side, shoulders a seam.“That’s as good a reason as any,” she says,“and so I’m going to help you.”

Chitrangada raises her head, and it is a moment that she will remember for all the rest of her days. The moonlight streams through a window, and it makes the other girl’s hair shimmer, brushes against the delicate planes of her face, nestles in the curve of her slight, faint smile.

But most of all, it lends a gleam to her eyes, iron that has turned into the steel of certainty. Chitrangada’s heart skips one beat, then another, and suddenly she feels like there is nothing she cannot do.

You only die if you lose,” the girl says,“so don’t. I’ll help.”

Chitrangada blinks. “Don’t lose?”

“Easy, right?”

Chitrangada smiles.

4. The girl, Ulupi, turns out to be a born researcher who for some reason has decided to focus her considerable energies into turning Chitrangada into a fighting machine. Ulupi finds books, pamphlets, old scrolls squirreled away in the recesses of the library, ranging from defensive spells to healing salves, battle theory and runes that turn one’s steps silent. 

The only thing Ulupi is not is a duelist, which means that Chitrangada by her fourth year is a master of theory, but only middling in practice. At night, she starts to slip out of the Common Room to practice stinging hexes at targets.

If practice is merely an excuse to drown herself in work, to have something to do when not with Ulupi than think of Ulupi, of how pretty and smart and lovely she is, and how she cannot give Chitrangada children,then no one but Chitrangada and her poor conjured dummies needs to know. Ulupi would conjure bubbles and remark that they are better training for reflexes, but Ulupi also prefers to be asleep between the hours of 12 and 8, so Chitrangada and her dummies are alone.Or, that is what she thinks, until she walks into her usual classroom and finds herself dodging a stunner.

“Protego,” she shouts instinctively when she feels the whiz of the next, without even the sound of an incantation for warning. It is the new moon, and the room is still pitch black.

“Lumos.” In the light, Chitrangada sees her attacker and gasps: Arjuna, two years her senior and said to be the most gifted duelist in generations stands with his wand out. He blinks.

“What are you doing here?” Chitrangada’s eyes widen.

“What are you doing here?”

His eyes move from her to the dummies spread around the room. “I was practicing.”

“In the dark?” And yet, Chitrangada looks and there are marks on the dummies that she knows weren’t there the night before. It is true: Arjuna has learned to duel in the dark.

An expression crosses Arjuna’s face, but he is too trained for Chitrangada to decipher its meaning.

Another stunner, and Chitrangada puts up a shield. He aims another, nonverbal the whole while, and Chitrangada is annoyed enough that she sends a stunner back. Arjuna’s shield is a work of art, his stance a mirror of the dueling text Ulupi had found last winter, and they begin to fight in earnest, trading spells until finally Chitrangada is panting, her wand in Arjuna’s left hand.

She will never be an auror, she thinks, and blinks away her hot, furious tears. She will die in the streets of London, ending the family line by 18. She will break her father’s heart.

“You’re good,” she hears from beyond the veil of her intense self-pity, “if a little unpracticed. Why don’t I know who you are?”

Chitrangada frowns. She is rich for sure, but Arjuna is a Kuru of London, one of the Sacred 28. Headmaster Bhishma himself is his Grandsire, and it is common knowledge that Arjuna has been trained as a duelist since three years of age. He attends classes to satisfy his elders but notoriously refuses to spend free time with his peers. Why would he know who she is?

“I’m younger than you,” Chitrangada finally offers when she realizes the question wasn’t rhetorical.“We don’t share any classes.”

“But we have people of all years in Dueling Club and I thought I knew everyone there.” Chitrangada’s eyes widen – the Hogwarts Dueling Club is a society for the elite, and while it is open to anyone in name, entry is usually based on invitation. Chitrangada trains in secret, in order to prevent word from getting to her father.

“I was not invited,” she says, and then when she sees Arjuna attempt to object, she adds–“My father would not approve.” Better he think her father old-fashioned than be forced to explain the family curse.

Arjuna’s eyes harden. “How have you trained so far?”

Chitrangada shrugs.“Books.” To speak of Ulupi is to think of her, her sweet smile, the way she smells of flowers, the brush of her fingers when she passes a pamphlet across their shared desk. Chitrangada ruthlessly crushes the thought of her best friend.

He exhales.“Books.” Chitrangada nods.“Then you are remarkable – to have lasted so long against me without proper training. Are you sure you won’t join the Club? We can be very discreet, and you are probably better than a fair few.”

Chitrangada smiles, heart light at Arjuna’s praise. Perhaps she might make it to 19 after all.“No,” she says,“as much as I might like to, I’m afraid it’s quite impossible.”

“Fine,” Arjuna shrugs, and Chitrangada tries not to feel hurt at how easily he brushes her aside. But then he moves back into the dueling stance and Chitrangada’s heart skips another beat. He smiles, tossing Chitrangada back her wand.“I’ll just have to train you myself.”

Chitrangada’s jaw drops. She is in love.

5.“You are not in love with me,” Arjuna says a year later when Chitrangada confesses her deep, abiding passion for her illicit dueling master.“I don’t know why you just won’t tell Ulupi.”

”Ulupi?” Chitrangada splutters.“If you don’t like me you can say so, there’s no need to make implications!”

Chitrangada managed to keep her midnight sessions with Arjuna a secret for an entire week before Ulupi came barging into their classroom, furious at being kept out of the loop. By the next week, she had drawn up a new schedule that allowed Arjuna and Chitrangada at least four hours of sleep and given Arjuna a tome about training to duel without the use of each of the five senses.

“I don’t need to make implications,” Arjuna says,“she’s already told me.”

“Told you what?” Chitrangada blushes crimson, reminding herself to breathe. Does Ulupi know? Chitrangada has tried so hard to keep her feelings to herself.

“That you think you need to be with someone who can give you an heir, and since Ulupi cannot you are convinced it is best to live in misery, hopefully marrying some man who will give you a child before you die in the Auror service.”

Chitrangada’s knees shake, and she feels herself sinking to the ground, her lungs tightening until she can’t breathe. She hears Arjuna calling out, and when she next opens her eyes it is to the horrifying sight of Ulupi’s face, one single tear running down her cheek.

“How could you be so stupid!” Chitrangada is not sure if this is directed to her or Arjuna kneeling behind Ulupi, wringing his hands.“I’m talking to the both of you!”

“Ulupi,” Chitrangada begins, but stops at Ulupi’s outstretched hand.

“Did you really think that after everything, I wouldn’t have a solution?”

“Does the Hogwarts library have books about…” Arjuna’s voice lowers.“procreation?”

Ulupi rolls her eyes.“It has books about sex too.” Arjuna flinches.“But no, I found this at a Muggle bookstore last summer. You’re going to be a sperm donor!”

“A what?” Arjuna and Chitrangada say this as one. Ulupi laughs.

“Well,” she says,“the muggles have figured out how to isolate what of Arjuna is needed to create a child, and so he will….donate –”

“Donate my –”

“Yes,” Ulupi says, finally flushing herself.“In a little bag. Then we will… insert that into Chitrangada, and she will have a child!”

A moment of silence. “A child,” Chitrangada whispers. Is it possible?

“My child?” Later, they will all laugh at the sheer amount of scandal in Arjuna’s voice.

Ulupi glares. “Well it doesn’t have to be your child if you don’t want it to be! The child will have two parents once Chitrangada and I marry, and even if she dies I will be a researcher and stable enough to satisfy the family.”

“Marry,” Chitrangada breathes, gazing at Ulupi as if it is again the first time. In a way, it is. She is, if possible, even more beautiful than that first night, all blazing eyes and steel certainty that even the stars will move to align with her vision for their future.

“Yes,” Ulupi says, turning to grab Chitrangada’s hands and bringing them up to her lips. “Easy, right?”

[lilyswritings]

Hold On To Me

Author’s note: Okay so this fic spawned from a few different requests I got, but in the end I kind of ignored the requests and did my own thing?? Sorry guys. But anyway, ever since I saw Wonder Woman (the day it came out lmao) and then the two other times since then (bc I’m trash) I’ve been developing this idea and yeah. Hope you guys enjoy!  Also! Please listen to ‘Heart’ by Sleeping At Last, as that’s the song I listened to while writing and it kind of fits! 

Summary: You joined this godawful war alongside your brother and his best friend. As a female pilot, already under stress due to your gender, the war became too much, ripping away everything you loved - but Steve was always by your side. Then he disappeared, and you had nothing left. So when he turns up out of nowhere with a stunning warrior goddess by his side, there are mixed feelings that arise. But you cannot let yourself get distracted by feelings that may or may not be reciprocated - there is still a war to be won. 

Part One / Part Two / Part Three 

Steve Trevor x Reader

   The first time you met Steve Trevor was back in 1916, the year you’d been assigned to British forces. You were waiting for your brother to return from a flight, so that the two of you could celebrate the fact that you’d finally been assigned a mission, and your pilot’s license - an incredibly difficult feat, due to the fact that you’re a woman. You were stood in the middle of the large hangar when something hurtled into you. 

   The two of you were sent sprawling, your flight suit barely giving much protection from the concrete floor of the hangar. Groaning, you sat up, pulling off your helmet in order to be able to think properly, your eyes catching sight of the blonde man scrambling to pick up some of his papers - your eyes also caught sight of the small Captain badge on the lapel of his jacket.

   “I’m sorry I-” The man started, but stopped when he saw your face. “Oh.” His comment simply made you roll your eyes - since you’d gotten your pilot’s license, men seemed to always have the same reaction to you; incredulity and amusement at the thought of a female pilot.

    “Here.” You replied, holding back a snarky comeback (this man was your superior, technically), while handing him some of the papers he’d dropped. It was then that you took in his appearance - handsome face, boyish blond hair, bright blue eyes... 

    Nevermind that. He took back the papers, still staring at you, and you rolled your eyes and took the bait. “Can I help you with something?” You tried desperately to sound polite.

    “Nothing, just - have we met?” He asked, and you furrowed your brow. “You remind me of someone.” You opened your mouth to reply but stopped when you spotted someone jogging towards the two of you.

   “Andrew!” You shouted, heart swelling at the sight of your brother who promptly barreled into you, pulling you into a smothering hug and lifting you off the ground. 

   “How was the first day of official flying?” Your brother asked, finally letting go of you and pushing his hair out of his eyes. He then paused as he noticed the man besides him, glancing between the man and you. “So you’ve met Steve, then.” When his words were followed by silence he laughed, gesturing to the blonde man.

   “Steve, this is my little sister, Y/N. Y/N, this is Steve Trevor, a good friend of mine.” Although you rolled your eyes at the use of ‘little sister’ rather than just ‘sister’, you nodded at him.

   Your eyebrows raised as you remembered the letters your brother had written you about his previous missions. “So this is Steve, as in ‘saved your life from the Germans’ Steve?” You asked, and your brother nodded and clapped his friend on the back.

    “The one and the same.” He said, and you noticed the admiration in his eyes as he looked down at Steve.

    “Well then, glad to finally meet you. Thanks for keeping an eye on my flyboy of a brother.” You said, outstretching your hand to shake Steve’s.

    “It was my pleasure.”

    The pub is already a mess. You have never been a heavy drinker - far from it, actually - but due to the harrowing letter you’d received, telling you to assume the man that meant the most to you in the world was dead... A few drinks couldn’t hurt. Besides, it gives you an excuse to look after- Oh Christ, where’s he gone now-

    "CHARLIE!” You shout over the noise filling the bar, watching the Scotsman be picked up by the shirt and punched repeatedly. You shove your way through the crowd, planting yourself firmly in between Charlie and the fist that was hurtling towards him. Instantly, the owner of said fist stops, narrowing his eyes at you.

    "Out of the way, girlie." He growls, finally letting go of Charlie's shirt. You roll your eyes, lacking the energy or willpower to fight this man and turn to tug your friend over to your table - when the brute reaches for your arm. You respond by whipping around and kneeing him in the groin, watching him fall to the ground with a clenched jaw as a hush falls over the bar.

    “Didn’t think so.” You mutter, pushing your drunk friend over to the table where Sameer was sitting a few minutes ago, only to stop dead in your tracks. Your eyes widen, face turning white - and ironically, once could say it looks like you’ve seen a ghost. It takes a couple seconds for you to realize your feet have started moving, but when you do you’re hurtling towards the American man standing next to Sameer.

    “STEVE!” You shout, abandoning Charlie and engulfing Steve in your arms, breathing him in. He wraps his arms around you, squeezing you tightly, and you barely hold back a sob at how real and alive he is. “You were dead.” You mutter, your eyes blurred slightly by unshed tears.

     "I'm so sorry, I would have contacted you if I could have.” He mutters into the crook of your neck, squeezing you once more before letting you go.  “Y/N, this is Diana Prince. She pulled me from my sinking plane.” You turn and widen your eyes immediately, taking in the definitely-not-British woman standing by Steve.

    “Diana, this is Y/N, the best damn pilot around.” You shake your head despite the small smile on your lips, glancing back at Steve, who you still can’t believe is alive. 

    “He’s exaggerating, but hi. Y/N Y/L/N, at your service.” You hold out your hand and she shakes it, her grasp incredibly strong, and you watch as a twinge of confusion passes through her expression as she glances between you and Steve. “What?” You ask, and she pauses.

    “Why are you not out fighting right now?” She asks, her accent continuing to mesmerize you, and you frown slightly. 

    “I, uh... I’m no longer in the forces.” You state, your gaze falling to the floor, but Diana persists. 

    “If you are such a great pilot why would you leave?” 

    You sigh, glancing at Steve who has a solemn expression on his face. “I guess... It wasn’t meant to be.” You reply, deciding to leave it at that. “So, Diana, what brings you to jolly old-” You’re cut off by the butt of a gun being shoved in your face.

    “Not so tough now, are you?” The man slurs, and out of the corner of your eye you see Steve lunge forwards, but stop when Diana steps in front of him. With amazing speed, she shoves the man back, pulling the gun out of his hand and kicking him, sending him flying across the bar and into a pile of chairs. Then she hands the gun to Steve. Silence, and then-

    “Steve, can I borrow you?” You don’t wait for an answer, grabbing the arm of his jacket and tugging him to the side. “Okay, I need answers,” You start. “First, you go undercover as a German pilot, which I found out because Etta told me, not you; then every single person you work for tells me you’ve gone M.I.A. and that I should just assume you’ve died - which I do;”

    You watch his expression turn solemn but continue. “Then, you show up with a really oblivious foreign woman who looks like she fell from heaven, and can disarm a man in about four seconds flat, with absolutely ZERO explanation!” You shout, and he grimaces, rubbing the back of his neck.

    “Look, it’s a long story-” His reply makes you scoff, jaw clenching. 

   “Steven Rockwell Trevor don’t you ‘long story’ me after making me think you’re dead.” He rolls his eyes, glancing back at the group, where Sameer is very obviously flirting with Diana and Charlie is nursing yet another drink. 

    “Fine, okay? Her name is Diana, she pulled me out of my sinking plane after I crash landed on her hidden island full of Amazonian warrior women where she happens to be the princess, and she came with me because she believes can end the war by killing the Greek god Ares.” He explains, and you narrow your eyes. 

   “Hm. Okay.” Is all you say, and he raises an eyebrow. 

   "What, that’s it? You believe me?” He sounds incredulous and you smile slightly. 

   “You promised me you’d never lie to me. I trust you, Steve. I don’t fully believe it, but I believe you’re telling me the truth.” You state, expression softening as you look up at him and meet his cerulean eyes. “If anything I’m just happy you’re alive.” 

   He chuckles lowly. “Yeah, me too.” Steve mutters, pulling you into another small hug and turning back to the table. You sit next to the newcomer, eyes darting over Sami and Charlie, and turn to her.

   “Diana Prince, huh?” You ask, and she nods. “Welcome to the gang.”

[deanxreader-spn]

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever (’Eight’ Part 5)

A/N: After a long long long break I’m back Thank you for the flooding messages about the ‘Eight’ Series, I can’t wait to finish it off even better than it started. Love you all and I’m incredibly sorry for the long ass wait.

THIS IS AN AU SERIES SO JUST KEEP THAT IN MIND PLEASE!!! This is part five

Characters; reader(Kyra), Liam, Hayden, malia, kira, lydia, scott, theo, alison, carter white, stiles, mason,

(told in mixed POV’s)

word count: 1,709

pairing: Liam Dunbar x reader(Kyra) Liam x hayden (reader)kyra x carter

Other Parts to the Series

part one  part two  part three  part four

Playlist

Listen to I Don’t Wanna Live Forever by Zayn Malik and Taylor Swif when reading this part. The link is on the playlist page, link is literally directly above this. I do not own the Lyrics nor the song. I also do not own any characters other than the new ones by names that are not involved in Teen Wolf, aka Kyra, Gavin etc.

How I picture Kyra in the gif below!! (after she dyes her hair lmao spoiler)

(LYDIA POV)

7 Days after Kyra left.

I didn’t know what it was that was off, but something was definitely not right. Like the universe shifted and now we were left slightly on an angle as we stood, basically doing that MJ dance move where he almost touches the floor but not really. But the scariest thing about it was as if no one else noticed but me. I sat in my room for six days, no contact with anyone, it was worse than when Jackson left, Kyra was my best friend, she was there with me when Alison died. I think that’s what made us closer, the simplicity of two girls mourning the untimely death of their friend. Ever since we were inseparable, sure we were close with Malia and the other Kira too but when it came to it hands down I would always choose Kyra over the other two, not to sound rude or anything. 

I laid in the same spot on my bed for three hours on the seventh day, sure the others continuously attempted to reach out to me but it wasn’t important, what mattered was I had no contact from Kyra which probably tore me apart the most. I vaguely had the memory of  screaming at the top of my lungs while Stiles held me back when Scott broke the news to us. “Where is she.”  I had wailed repeatedly, then cried in Stiles’ arms as everyone looked on, including a pissed off and or jealous Malia. I didn’t care though, my best friend had died and the only girl to relate to me, who soon became even closer to me than Alison ever was, had abandoned me too. Now I was almost alone, Malia could fuck off, I needed anything but her scorn. As I was laying in my cocoon of tangled sheets, blankets and pillows, I heard the front door opened, and I knew immediately it was not my parents, but in all honesty I wasn’t alarmed, how was I to freak out when I couldn’t fee, just an empty numbness. “Lydia we’re coming up.” That was Stiles voice, why was Stiles here? Who was we? What was going on? I so badly wanted to yell at them to leave, but when I tried no sound came out. The sound of footsteps coming up the stairs should’ve caused me to get out of bed, but I didn’t move, I wouldn’t. I stared straight at the ceiling, not caring to glance at the group of people crowding my bed, I knew who was there without even looking, and I could guarantee Kyra wasn’t there. “Hey Lydia.” Kira’s voice broke through to me, I ached to leap up and into her arms but didn’t dare. Another voice this time, “You need to get up, you can’t do this it’s unhealthy and unneeded.” The way she said it was smug and condescending and created a snapping feeling within me, like I was a glowstick and the glowing chemicals were miking and creating something else that ripped through my body, who did she think she was? I sat up, pin straight, and turned to look directly at Hayden, the bitch who did NOT belong in this pack. I hated her with a seething rage, she did this. “You know what you need to do Hayden? You need to get out of our lives and cut the superior and smug tone...bitch” I sneered, making sure I murmured the last part, “Lyds don’t-” 

“No Stiles, don’t you dare ‘Lyds’ me. She has no right to be here, she’s not even dating anyone in the pack or friends with us, no one here turned her so why? Why is she here, give me one good reason why I should be all warm and fuzzy towards her. Oh, that’s right, you can’t give me a reason because they’re are none,” I cut him off, it felt so good to take my anger out on her. I turned towards Liam this time, “and if it weren’t for the snake you call ‘Hayden’ or ‘baby’ or whatever you call IT Kyra wouldn’t be GONE RIGHT NOW. SHE BROUGHT THEO TO SCOTTS HOUSE, SHE GOT THEO NEAR KYRA WHO HE BIT, OH AND SHE ALSO FUCKED THEO SO HAVE FUN WITH OUR ENEMIES SLOPPY SECONDS.” I began screaming, if you couldn’t exactly tell I wasn’t having the greatest period of my life. I felt the bed dip slightly and realized Stiles had sat down beside me, a dumbfounded look on his face. “Well she’s not wrong.” He muttered. I blew a stray piece of red hair out of my face that had fallen when I sat up but was too distracted to fix it and glared at Hayden, she looked shell shocked.

 “You slept with Theo?” Liam took a step back, his face showing clear disgust and betrayal. “How did you know that?” Stiles whispered to me, he looked confused, but when did Stiles not look confused. “I honestly just threw that one in to mix things up.” I murmured back, watching the scene unfold in front of me. “I-I......” She looked at me with hatred and confusion, basically saying ‘How the fuck did she know that?’ “Well you hit the nail right on the head.” He choked back a laugh, but covered it up with a cough. “UGH.” Hayden shrieked as she stormed out of the room and stomped down the stairs, we all waited in silence but the door slam never came. “Did she leave the door open?” Mason broke the silence several minutes with the question we were all secretly pondering about. I rolled my eyes and flung myself onto my back. “I wish Kyra was here.” I whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. 

(KYRA POV)

I was running, I had an idea as to where I was heading, but not completely. Yeah, I obviously knew the place-ish seeing as I had gotten on a plane going to Seattle, Washington. The hardest part of this was I had no one, well, not no one but someone I couldn’t say I knew well. Carter White, tall, brooding and handsome, the boy I’d grew up with that was two years older and constantly invited me out to stay with him. The boy I loathed up until summer before ninth grade due to his constant teasing, even if my mother had continuously scolded me about being ‘nice because he has a crush’. But I’ve never been able to do ‘Nice’ with Carter White. He was my safety net, the one thing I could use to help me in this situation, and conveniently he also was a wolf, he promised to pick me up at the airport an take me to his hometown, somewhere in between Seattle and Portland, the name was unmemorable. 

To: liam.dun2000@icloud.com

Cc:

Subject: Liar

Liam,

I read your email and I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner. I agree with you, I hate me and you should too. I did not do this in ‘The heat of the moment’, I’ve wanted to leave for a while, and if you even did care you would know that. Theres more to this story than me running due to simple rejection or becoming a wolf, sure it added to tipping me over the edge but there’s so much more. I could lie and say your recent email planted a seed of doubt about my ‘heat of the moment run away’ but that’s all it would be, a lie. I wont be contacting you for a while, so I guess I could say don’t wait up.

Kyra.

As I hit send I glanced up from my phone, but there was still no sign of Carter. If I guessed correctly I had about five minutes before he was to notice me if he was in fact lingering around, enough time to sort out my thoughts and build up a few walls. 

“Kyra?” I spun around, mostly in shock, my judgement of timing was off, he appeared out of nowhere half a second after those thoughts floated through my mind. I didn’t immediately recognize him, he looked a few years older and incredibly attractive. Dark hair flipped out from under his baseball cap, he was all dark rugged lines and contours, beautiful but not beautiful enough to be called handsome, more so extremely hot. As I peered into his features I recognized Carter White, the same liquid black eyes that glinted with danger and seemed to suck you in as they bore into you, the chiseled jaw and the full pouty lips. “Carter.” I mustered a smile as his eyes took in my appearance, I felt like I was under a microscope and I so badly wanted to squirm. “Well, well, well. The little squid’s all grown up.” He smirked as picked up my bags. I gawked at his muscles bulging out of his black fitted v neck tee as he did so, “Don’t call me that Carter.” I rolled my eyes, trying to keep my eyes off of him, the task growing harder and harder by the second. “Sorry Angel.” He smirked. Angel. I liked that, especially from his mouth. Oh god, this couldn’t be happening. Just friends Kyra, remember that. “’Angel’?” I raised a brow as I tugged a corner of my lip up, a look I’d practiced for Liam many-a-time in the mirror for just under a year. I should’ve known I had more than friendly feelings for him a long time ago. I needed to forget Liam. “What else would I call a girl like you.” I couldn’t help but laugh at his comment, could he get any cheesier. 

My phone made a dinging sound as we neared the exit doors and I paused, looking at the screen to see I had a new email from Liam. “Someone important?” I heard Carter ask, I glanced up and met his eyes boring into me, the black so enchanting and pulling me closer to him. I wanted him. FRIENDS. “No.” I murmured as I shut my phone off and tucked it into my back pocket, shoving the doors open. Deep down I realized it was the truth, Liam was no longer of importance if I wanted to get out all the way.

[lazulii-rain]

don’t mind me, i’ve decided to start keeping a physical log of my experiences in life just to get them down and have a place to record the beautiful events transpiring. i doubt anyone will read these but me, but if you are reading this, sorry to drop you in the middle of my life lol. should have started at a more focused point. BUT ITS ALL TOO BEAUTIFUL AND JUST FOR ME ANYWAY

ill be totally writing a recap of everything since the moment we met and probably before, a chronicle of my life so i can go back because my memory suuuucks and i don’t want to lose a moment of this.  (BAE, Before Anyone Else. It’s very special to usss and i’m the first/only person my hunny has ever called that. i used to use it ironically but now only use it for my Bae. c: ) 

OKAY. 08/18/18...heh (oops forgot to post when i finished writing it. lol)  My love has a day off today; so I was excited to spend my day with him, but also aware of the fact I wouldn’t get a lot of what I had to finish completed. I design logos, t-shirts and tattoos, have a few projects on the go that I need to work on. But he is more important in my opinion. awoke really early to the annoying Luna (black tabby who belongs to my roommate) EATING PEACHY’S FOOD. (also roomates orange tabby, but not really his bc her previous abusive owner abandoned her and he complained about having her... So we kind of bonded. she used to be a super anxious kitty until attaching to my Bae and I.)  First time I got up and shooed her away, but that woke Bae up. and when I heard her back at it I whipped a wooden spoon at her from the bed, so that he was not disturbed. Gave up after that and drifted back to sleep because hunny flung his arm & leg over me, so I was trapped as heck and loving every second of it (tho my face was kinda buried so I couldn’t breathe lmaoooo)  When he woke up, we were both in funny sassy moods, I showered while he played guitar and drank his coffee, as I was waiting to go get one at Tim’s. We got chicken wraps because I was so hungry I literally couldn’t decide what to get, I wanted everything, so he chose for us loool. ♥ cutie. He managed to make a giant sploosh with his coffee all over one of the tie dye shirts I made him for his birthday, by squeezing the coffee too tight (He is clumsy yet capable of longboarding fullspeed holding a pizza and an open coffee.... lmao.. how does that work? :P) and he had a funny looking shirt for the day but it’s okay because he is adorable no matter what. There was also victims of his spill all over the floor and table, for losing a tiny bit of coffee it was an impressive blood bath. I had an iced coffee obviously because it was hot outside, he’ll get a hot coffee even in like 32C degree weather, because he’s satan like that looool. On the way to the bus stop I was concerned that there was a strange vibe and we both confirmed our desire for an authentic, respectful, loving adventurous life together, and my worry quickly faded. He put his arm around me and we vaped and drank our coffee, our bus came pretty instantly and we were off. Our friend wrote a very insightful and inspiring story about mediation and consciousness, but I had a few things I didn’t agree with/wanted to add onto, so I am in the process of writing out my review on it as he’d like to publish it.  Stop 1. Bae’s cellphone company store so he could re-activate his phone. He has such an old plan that it doesn’t exist anymore, but gives him a way better deal than what is offered currently, and it was grandfathered in on a loyalty plan so they can’t change it, but they can make it difficult to renew every month. lol. so he has to go in and call someone at the store to manually enter the plan specifications so he can activate. they put him on hold for ten minutes and we decided to just leave and stay on hold adventuring until we were answered. ANOTHER WHILE PASSES and they go off-hold, only to be like lol i’ll call u back in 20 minutes this is gonna be a process.... oh,. lmao. ok so.  Stop 2. The vape shoppp. Somehow Bae knew exactly where to go with no map from wherever we were, when I literally had no idea where we were until we rounded the corner and were basically there. HOW?! I’ve been there so many times and yet get lost so damn easily. I am directionally challenged af, but getting a lot better with it esp. in this city. lol. We didn’t need juice, but went to go see kev as he had given me an IOU and half off the juice on my mum’s death day, and I had forgotten my debit card!!!! >:( he was nice to me tho because apparently i always brighten their day with my vibezzzz and we are becoming closer friends and trust each otherr. very grateful. ALSO THAT DAY (aug 16) i went the wrong way from the shop, because i was disassociating all day, and when i finally found my way to a bus stop, took it the WRONG DIRECTION and ended up somewhere in the city i’ve never been, and because my bus pass was also not with me and i paid like 1.75(all i had) of the 3.75 fare, and asked him to give me a transfer because i needed to go the opposite direction, he tried to say i was scamming him or something NO BITCH I NEED TO GO HOME AND HAVE HAD A TERRIBLE DAY AND JUST WANT TO GET ON THE FRICKEN BUS HOME. I growled that it was my mom’s deathaversary and i am not from here because i moved a few months ago, and he was like “ok i’ll give u a break this once..” like wtf! ugh  it was a strange day but i made it. ANYWAY. back to today. We had some fun talks with kev about RDA’s, and a new mod box but they only rly carry kits which we didn’t want for Bae. So we paid the IOU and went on our way. En route to next stop, we saw the Shaw sign and walked along this BEAUTIFUL RIVER that I remember dearly from me and Bae’s first week/visit together in person (we met and fell in love online).... I was squealey and so excited, wanted to leap into the river but realized that it was totally nasty so decided to enjoy the walk instead, lol. We saw a cute duck folding its neck to put its head on its body. LMAO. Bae was like quackquackquacckkkkk. Quack attack. XD I mentioned that I really love this area and inquired if the MAGICAL SPIRAL STAIRCASE was near here; because I also remember running valiantly up that with intensity during our first week. He laughed and was like “Ya. we’re near it. It’s almost like I planned out this walk ;) “ HEHEHEHEHEHEHEE So we got to the staircase and as I went to leap up it as fast as I could, he STEPS IN FRONT OF ME and starts walking super slow. hahahahahaha. wtf. obvi trying to make me run up the broader edge as i adore running rly rly fast up the narrow loop of the spiral staircase, so i did and pretended i was an airplane, usually its a dragon but this time i was like nyoooom. lol.  so when we got to the top i was giggling my butt off and mentioned the plane thing, and hunny was like “or you know, an eagle riding an upcurrent” and i was like OMG MORE ACCURATE! he’s brilliant tho even for silly things like that. ♥ we walked thru south-asian fest to go to city hall for a bus pass, and when i saw Asian (I don’t know anything about geography ever) i was like OMG SUSHI BAE?!?!?!!?!?!?! and he was like hehe , no love, SOUTH asian fest. i looked around and was like oh, no sushi. :( but still cool music and culture! noted that this is some people’s whole adventure, and we are passing thru but still it’s only a tiny fragment of our adventure!  Stop 3: Took a quick stop to grab me a new bus pass only to find out it’s a government building and closed on the weekends. lmao. SMOOTH. but it’s fine because we actually saw these really cool sculptures inside of dragon-scale and tentacle-like patterns, aztec rock-like patterns, and one kinda plain one that had a cute dog on top. Kind of like square-ish uneven poles. very cool! ALSO  in one of the accessable rooms, there was a huge art exhibit that, at first glance, looked like a toddler went nuts with toy cars, cardboard, lego, paint and other childlike items, but upon close inspection we realized it was very in-depth metaphorical, substantial political and environmental statements. We laughed more, stayed longer, and took more pictures than I expected we would when first walking into that room.  Slyly sighed and giggled at each other as we watched other people walk into the room only to quickly circle the exhibit and leave, without actually investigating or considering the significance of the creations.  (MY COTTON IS BURNING AND I CHANGED IT LIKE 2 DAYS AGO...random)  i had to pee and saw the cutest little black girls observing themselves in the mirror with their beauuutiful dresses on, as they were attending a wedding happening in the area, and i complimented them on their outfits. The older of the two said thank you shyly, and when her younger (I presume sister) asked for clarification, not able to speak fluent english yet, the older girl explained in her language, and the little one beamed a smile and said “thank you!” WARMED MY DAMN HEART.  Bae & I went on our way to the next stop, while waiting for a stoplight to change, I looked over at some random building, gasped in awe, and whipped out my phone to take a picture, saying “I may be a resident of this city but i will always act like a tourist”. This man crossing the street conjunct to us saw my wonder at such a small event, smiled ear to ear, and looked back at the building I mentioned even though he has obviously lived here a long time. When I turned around, I saw a Beautiful Monument that had one word in English, “Dignity”, and one in French, “Egilate”. I said to Bae that I assume “Egilate” was French for dignity, but the same man who saw me and smiled about my passion turned around and said “it means Equality :) “ I was very thankful for his knowledge and obviously instilled some passion back in his heart with my excitement at the world around me. As my hunny always says, “stop and smell the roses.”   and we saw some beautiful apartments and i photographed the numbers so we could find out prices, as we intend to move into our own roommate-free place ASAP. Living with this guy isn’t exactly private or nest-like, or inducing of healing/aligning. We are working hard on that to be safe and in a place we can work on our dreams together. Including a loft, a place with nice balconies, and we saw an older place that was dingy at first glance but no, actually had MARBLE OUTSIDE WALLS. wow. musta been top notch back in the day. Stop 3: we went to the weed dispensary to get some pot for hunny, because although i miss toking intensely i can’t anymore but he’s still a proud stoner and i looooooove him for it. he ended up getting a quarter of 2 different indicas’ northern lights and grape god flower, as well as blue dream crumble for 25% off. grabbed a coil for his dab attachment for his vape as well which was on suprise 420 sale. it was like 4:28 and apparently after 4:20 every day something random goes on sale; no customer or employee knows what it is; its just a suprise if anyone gets it completely. and it happened to be the exact item my hunny needed to get. coincidence? ;)  we went to timmies a few times downtown, i cant exactly remember the order of when or why, but the first time, hunny bought me an iced coffee and a large icey water because i was desperately thirsty and needed liquid. the second time i grabbed him a coffee and myself another iced water cause i am apparently always thirsty. lmao. looked for torches for his dab rig so he can enjoy, we decided to go to canadian tire(but realized later on the bus that it was closed, thankfully before our stop for home, so we just went str8 home.) we went to freedom again and bae got his service back bc apparently the guy on the phone fixed it and never called backkk....... lol.  My Bae decided to take me to a bong shop, for “apparently no reason” Just to mess around and have fun....lol..... we got there and there were beautiful glass cabinets filled with showcased, amazing, meticulous handmade pieces. Pendants, pipes, bongs, all of it so beautiful.  He grabbed a one-hitter that glows under UV Light, slime design, and we went on our way after good chats with the very passionate shopworker.  We went to find a place for Bae to smoke some weed, and ran into a cute community garden with honeybees and carpenter bees stuffing their faces in flowers. As well as a group of finches playing and wiggling their butts in the dust. Very adorable, we took a video and then hunny chased them away haha.  Cool mural that appeared quite old, some hilarious facial expressions that I snagged close-ups of. When we got home, I made him a piece of the lasagna I cooked for his birthday, and made myself a cream-based pasta with onion because I was lasagna-d out. (it was like a 10 lb beast of a lasagna) I wanted to grab a few beers while I hung out, so hunny gave me 5 bucks to make sure I had enough for two. When I went out I realized I forgot my vape and surely it was safe at home, so dealt with not vaping on the trip. On my bus ride home, the ding for stop request appeared normal as I sat in the very back by the speakers, but out of nowhere it made the LOUDEST Most terrifying screech noise and I jumped/winced. Everyone looked at me and laughed a little in solidarity, I moved a few seats because sure enough it happened again, thank gosh I wasn’t right by it that time.  When I got home, my vape wasn’t anywhere that I thought it was. I freaked a little and started crying, didn’t even wanna hit Bae’s vape because it wasn’t my baby; this is when I realized how attached I was. He beelined to a spot under my clothes and found it in like .5 seconds, how, I have no idea. I was sooo grateful for his radiance and helpfulness as always. ♥ IT WAS A GREAT DAY.