#also amy's reaction at him will always be my favourite

[fallingforunrealisticromance]

Dream Lord? - 11th doctor x reader

Summary: Based around the end of the 'Amys Choice' Episode. S5 Ep7. A/N: One of my favourite episodes not only because we get to see how much Amy really cares for Rory but also theres something about the darker side of 11 that i love to see.

Warnings: mentions of sexual content, swearing

Word count: 2094

Requests

------------------------------------------------------------------------------My head pounded as I opened my eyes. Everything was a blur.

“Psychic pollen” the doctors voice cut through my ears as I rubbed my eyes allowing my vision to clear. “That’s what that was. Come on, up you get.” I felt a hand wrap itself round my arm, pulling me up. “You’re alright. Nothings broken.” He said, grinning at me. I rubbed my head, noticing the glowing specks in his hands.

“What are they?” Amy said, walking down the stairs with Rory behind her.

“As I was saying, psychic pollen. Originated from the Candle Meadow of the Karass Don Slava.” He explained.

“That’s a lot of words to process after everything.” I grumbled.

“Oh, you poor thing.” The doctor replied sarcastically.

“Rude.” I replied, smiling at him. He made is way over to the Tardis doors, blowing the pollen out into space.

“It must have been caught in the console, it heated up and put us all in some sort of psychic trance” He explained, coming to stand next to me resting against the console. I rested my head against him, still feeling tired even though by the sounds of it I’d just had to deepest sleep of them all.

“So those specks, they were the dream lord?” Rory asked.

“What? Oh, no. no I thought it was obvious, the dream lord was me. The pollen pulls on the darkest part of you and gives it a voice.”

The three of us looked at him, unsure of how to respond. My heart sunk for him. All those things the dream lord had said about the doctor, they were all his own thoughts.

“But all those things he said, you don’t actually believe them do you?” Amy said light-heartedly.

The doctor didn’t respond, he just stared at her. Oh my god. He genuinely believed it. All of it.

“Now Amy, a question is about to occur to Rory and seeing as the answer will probably change his life, you should give him your full attention. Me and Y/n will get out of your hair for a moment. Come along, y/l/n” The doctor said, pushing Amy towards Rory and dragging me along behind him down one of the many corridors.

“how do you think that discussions gonna go” I asked light-heartedly.

“Well, I assume very well. And knowing them its probably going to be filled with lots of kissing afterwards. I honesty do not know how they do it for so long.” The doctor replied as we entered the library.

“Everyone loves a good make out session.” I said, flopping down on the sofa.

“Do they?” He asked, sitting beside me. I lifted my legs, resting them on his lap.

“Oh come on your telling me 907 years and you’ve never….dabbled.” I suggested.

The doctors face went red as he fidgeted with his bowtie. “Well, I mean…you know…I’ve been around.” I laughed at his reaction.

“Anyway, we aren’t talking about me. Now books, books are fun.” He leant forward and grabbed a book from the table in front of us. “Alice in wonderland, what a classic.”

“Oh one of my favourites.” I beamed. “Read it would you?” The doctor glanced at me.

“you want me to read to you?” He seemed rather surprised.

“If you wouldn’t mind.” He smiled at me as he opened the page. He began to read. Before long his voice faded, I could still hear him of course, but my mind was elsewhere – no longer focusing on the individual words.

“There’s no one in the world that hates me more than you do” The words from earlier swam around my mind. I always knew the doctor had a darker side to him than he let on, but I don’t think I realised quite how deep rooted his self-hatred was. And it hurt to know. I gazed at him, taking in his features. One of his hands rested on my legs occasionally raising to turn the page as the other held the book. His jaw flexed with every word. His eyes, darting over the words quicker than mine ever could. He was beautiful. In more ways than one. Not just physically, but his soul. Everything he does for others, the impact he has – and he can’t even see it himself. I was too lost in thought to notice the doctor had book the down.

“Everything okay over there y/L/n?” He asked, sounding slightly cautious. My eyes snapped to meet his. I loved it when he used my last name.

“I’m all good Doctor” I said, offering him a smile but he didn’t seem convinced.

“Is my reading boring you?” He joked.

“What? No, never. I was…thinking” I replied.

“Oh, that’s never a good thing to do” I chuckled at his comment, but he could tell it wasn’t sincere. “What’s bothering you?” He asked, resting both hands gently against my legs. I chewed my lip slightly, unsure of how to approach it. I didn’t want to upset him. But he needed to know. I took a deep breathe before answering.

“Those things, that the dream lord said. About you.” I said slowly. The doctors’ eyes flickered with an emotion I couldn’t quite place.

“That’s how you feel about yourself” I stated, looking at him for confirmation. He looked down before nodding slightly. I pulled my legs from his lap, moving so I was sat in front of him.

“I don’t know if anything I am about to say will help, but you need to know how wrong you are about yourself.” His brow furrowed as he looked at me again.

“You are more wonderful than you know. The care you hold in your heart for people is a beautiful thing doctor. You do a thousand things a day to save the universe and never ask for anything in return. Think about how many lives you have saved, how many civilizations are still growing, thriving because of you. The impact you have had on the people around you is magical thing. You make people want to be better. Not just for you, but for themselves. You show people a better way to live.” I was rambling at this point, but it was all true. I hoped he could feel the sincerity of my words.

He looked hurt but not necessarily in a bad way, almost as if he’d never been spoken to in such a civil manner before.

“But the people I lose, the people who die because of me.” He choked on his words slightly as his eyes began to water. I cupped his face in my hands.

“None of those are your fault doctor. Please believe me. Anyone who knows you will agree with me when I say you are not a bad person. You never want for these things to happen. And, with no disrespect, you are one man. One man trying to keep the universe from imploding. So I’d say you’re doing a pretty good job.” I said, smiling at him. He smiled back, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I know you aren’t perfect. I know that you have done things you would regret.” I began, pulling my hands from him. He looked surprised as I continued.

“You believe there’s a darkness in you. And maybe there is. But the same can be said for me. Or Amy. Or anyone you’ve ever known. There are things I’ve done, people I’ve hurt that make me hate myself more than you know. And while I am not claiming to understand or even feel the way your darkness sits on your soul; I do know that just because it’s there doesn’t mean you are controlled by it.” I let my words hang in the air.

The doctor stared at me in a way he never had before. Almost as if he was seeing me for the first time.

“I just want you to know you aren’t alone in this. And you don’t always have to be so brave. Because the people who care for you will be here to get you through it. The people who love you – Amy, Rory, River – they will remind you of the light.” I smiled softly at him. He reached forward, threading his fingers through mine.

“And you?” He asked gently.

“I will be here until you order me away. It’s not so easy to walk away from the man you love, even if he is an alien.” I chuckled to myself before realising what I had said. Fuck. How did I let that slip out. My hand tensed in his as my eyes widened. My breathing quickened. I needed to say something. Anything. Nothing came to my mind.

“What did you say?” The doctor asked, sounding breathless. Shit fucking shit.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. Well I meant it as in that’s how I feel but you weren’t supposed to know.” I pulled my hand from his as I stood up and began pacing. “Just forget I said anything. I’m sorry. I know relationships aren’t really a thing for you. Fuck, I’m so embarrassing.” I ran my fingers through my hair, not noticing how close the doctor was stood behind me. I felt his large hands plant themselves just above my hips, turning me to face him.

“y/n?” He said quietly. I stared at him, my arms hanging awkwardly by my side. “Be quiet” And with that he leant in, softly placing his lips against mine.

It didn’t last long, but it was sweet. He pulled back scanning my expression for any sign of regret. I stared back at him. Before he could pull away any further, I grabbed his face bringing his lips back to meet mine. This was a lot more passionate as I leant against his chest, grasping at his shirt. The doctor wrapped one of his arms tightly around my waist, the other finding a home at the back of my head pushing me further into him.

Our lips melded together perfectly. I had always imagined kissing the doctor, but I never knew he would be such a pro. But then again, with nine hundred years of experience, should I have expected any less? His lips were effortlessly beautiful. He moved back until his legs hit the edge of the sofa, causing us to pull apart for a second. We were grinning at each other like children.

“Told you everyone enjoys a make out session.” I said cheekily, before pushing him onto the sofa and climbing on top of him. He laughed slightly before attaching his lips back to mine. I threaded my fingers through his hair pulling gently, causing a small groan to erupt from the doctor. My heart jumped at the sound. I could feel his hands gripping against my waist, holding onto me as if he was scared I would disappear.

We broke apart to catch our breath, but the doctor leant forward, kissing my neck. I held his head as I leant mine back allowing him more access as I breathed heavily.

“I love you too by the way.” The doctor breathed. I chuckled, only now clocking the fact he hadn’t said it before.

“Well that is good to know time lord.” I replied, pulling his head from neck.

“I’m so lucky to have found you.” He whispered, gazing into my eyes. I planted one last soft kiss against his lips.

“What the fuck” Amy’s voice came from the doorway. Our heads snapped round to see the ponds staring at us. Rory’s mouth hung open, unsure where to look. Amy had a glint of joy in her eyes, her arms folded across her chest.

“Hello” I said sheepishly.

“How long has this been going on for then?” Amy quizzed.

“I’d say about 5 minutes?” I replied, looking down at the doctor who looked rather flustered. His hair was a mess, his face flushed a soft shade of pink.

“Well. It’s about damn time.” Amy said clapping her hands together.

“What do you mean?” The doctor asked.

“Do you know how painful it’s been watching the two of you pine for each other all this time?” She replied laughing. The doctor and I swapped a look.

“Was it really that obvious?” I chuckled.

“YES” Amy yelled.

“To be honest it did seem to be like the only two who did know it was the pair of you.” Rory added.

“Well, I’d agree with Amy then, it’s about time.” The doctor commented, smiling up at me.

“I think so too.” I replied, kissing his lips once more.

[multi-fandomsfreak]

Maybe ya could do Xenophanes with a reader who can't feel pain

Xenophanes with a reader who can’t feel pain

Not going to lie I think this is one of my favourite requests that I’ve gotten so far. Besides the Amy one. I felt like I had so much to write about our favourite crystallised hedgehog. Also, correct me if I’m wrong but I think this is an actual condition not sure what it’s called though. Anyways let’s get on with this. ~Blaze/Dawn

Pronouns: Not Mentioned

Warning: ⚠️Torture/Mentions Of Being Torture + Violence + Harm Done To Reader + Xeno Being Sadistic⚠️️

Requested: Yes/No

Characters: Xenophane

Proofread: ❌

Credits: Art by ash011037 on Pinterest + Banner by triviastar on Pinterest

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- Not going to lie knowing how xeno is he’s probably going to be a combination of pissed, excited and intrigued all at the same time. Obviously he’s intrigued. He's never had a victim who can’t feel pain like sure on the rare occasion he had some that have high pain tolerance but overall were still able to feel some sort of pain but you're very different compared to them. On the other hand he’s also kind of pissed off because no matter what harm he does to you whether it’s tearing your body apart, ripping your skin off of you or something as simple as breaking one or multiple bones you won’t feel it but at the same time he’s sort of excited because he can do whatever he wants to you. He could let out his anger onto you because he’ll know you won’t feel it. However, despite knowing this he will try his best to find out what will cause you to feel pain much to his annoyance that he couldn't. He's not going to give up easily.

- As mentioned before despite his annoyance that he’ll have to find other ways to torture you mostly mentally/emotionally since pain doesn’t effect you he is generally curious on how you discovered it. I mean who knows what might have happened to you for someone to recognise that you can’t feel pain. You could be in some seriously dangerous situation and you would’ve been fine mentally of course definitely not physically. If he has to be honest that actually excites him in a way as he thought about the million different situations you’ve possibly been in. It doesn’t excite him in a sexual way of course but still with xeno being a sadistic person of course he couldn’t help but be slightly giddy to himself. If he is feeling curious and maybe generous enough he may take a break from hurting you to ask how you discovered what he considers a ‘phenomenal’ feature. He considers you to be very special and one of his most interesting victims.

- I can imagine xeno being very goddamn surprised when he first discovered that you react very differently to pain compared to other people who were screaming bloody murder from the harm being done to them but when he was finally able to catch you like all the other pathetic mortals he was getting ready for the best part the one he always looks forward to:

+ “aw what a shame it looks like you’ve lost” xenophane said in his usual cocky attitude as he pulled you towards him forcibly grabbing you by the neck as tight he was able to get it. Although you couldn’t feel the tightness of xenophanes grip, just having his hand around his throat combined with his cocky attitude made you just as uncomfortable and scared as if you were feeling the pain. “I wonder what I could do to make you scream.” A smirk then appeared on Xenophane's face as he dragged his claws over your stomach, scraping you before immediately digging it into you causing a small wound to appear. However, he noticed a lack of reaction to it with the only sign of emotion being the fear radiating off of you as you shut your eyes from anticipation. He then thought that you must have a high pain tolerance, however even if you had that you would’ve noticed the slight pain to which he tried to try it again but unfortunately for him it didn’t work.

+ There was some silence between you and xeno before he spoke up, very confused yet slightly irritated, thinking you're trying to make fun of him “why aren’t you screaming?” He asked as you opened your eyes confused on what he was talking about “huh…what do you mean?” That was the only thing you were able to say “don’t play dumb [USER]!” He raised his voice getting angered at your lack of awareness “I am literally damaging your body and you're not reacting” you still had a look of confusion before looking down to see the wounds “oh you did?” Your response only confused yet angered the hedgehog more “what kind of response is that?” You stayed silent for a moment as you saw your tormentor getting angrier before you decided to speak up about how you couldn’t feel pain.

- Now that Xeno has met you I have a feeling he’s going to have a lot of pride over you. He’s never had a victim like you and although he may treat you like a test dummy trying everything and anything to know what can break you, at the same time he treats you like your some rare item that everyone is trying to get their hands on. He’s not going to let any other mortal take you away from him. He found you fair and square and if they have a problem with it then too bad for them. Oddly enough despite his murderous thing he’s really protective of you. Not in a way that he cares about you. As I said he’s a murderous thing his whole thing is to torture and murder anyone he pleases but if anyone but him dares try to do the same to you he’ll murder them no doubt about that and he’ll make it as painful as he could. You're his most prized possession, he’s the only one that’s allowed to do anything to you. No matter how many times you or someone else denies it.

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[evelhak]

If you're still doing the character ask game, I need to hear Tetsuya, all numbers please 👀🩵

Oh, wow. You most certainly shall have it. (Prepare to be here for a while.)

1. My first impression of them

Probably something like "cool, my favourite colour". I definitely had zero deep thoughts about him (or anyone) in the beginning, since I process feelings pretty slowly.

2. When I think I truly started to like them

Probably towards the end of season 2. (But hey, still on first watch.) Not because there was any particular moment that caused it, must have just had enough processing time around then, and enough information for points of connection.

3. A song that reminds me of them

Ahem. I'll attempt to narrow it down.

You're lucky the post limit is ten.

4. How many people I ship them with

One, really. Just Kagami. But that doesn't mean nothing besides that happens in my fics. Relationships are messy, so it's not like I'm preventing Kuroko from having any attraction towards other people, or anyone else to him.

5. My favourite ship of them

KagaKuro it is. I live for relationships that are based on trust, commitment and insane merging with another in an activity that both love. I don't need ships that feel surprising or outside the box, I need ships that feel real. I also don't need angst and toxicity. Of course there will always be problems in any relationship, but I want the general tone to be that of growth and positivity. A particular aspect that really made me fall in love with their love was the growth from dependent on each other to working on themselves as individuals to be stronger together, which leads to not needing to be together but still deciding to do so because they want to, which is beautiful. That's an aspect I love to explore further in my writing.

6. My least favourite ship of them.

I feel like I've answered this before, but it's Momoi. It literally makes my skin crawl to see stuff about them, (especially stuff that treats them as a natural progression of the story as if that's totally reasonable) and that's a strangely strong reaction from me, but it has to do with how Momoi's "crush" is depicted. I think there's something that really underestimates both characters in it, turning them into a joke that isn't funny at all. It's old news that women violating physical boundaries is seen as harmless and funny or even cute (truly despicable) but it really needs to stop. I also hate that Momoi's feelings are depicted in an incredibly shallow way that dumbs her down. I'm supposed to believe that a character as smart and confident as her will fall head over heels for someone she thought nothing of before, for the first random act of kindness? Yes, there absolutely are people who are so deprived of love and attention that they will do that, and it's not their fault, but I think it's dishonest to depict Momoi as someone who will confuse love and/or attraction with gratitude that hard. Sure, it doesn't take a genius to see that she sometimes feels left out because she's a girl, but that is incongruent as a reason for this too, because she's obviously looking for deeper friendship when she looks at everyone else longingly, so to think that she instantly fell in love as an answer to that doesn't make any sense. The only answer to this behaviour is self-deception, in a complexity that does justice to her character.

This is getting long, and I didn't even touch on Kuroko's side of things but really, you can read all about it in my fic, if you're interested.

7. A quote from them that you remember

I think I've answered this rather seriously before, so let's pick a funnier one. (at least a little.) I don't remember the exact wording, but it's the quote about there always being a slight chance that a meteorite will strike at the last seconds of the game. It's funny to me because I've said literally the same thing prior to seeing KnB, and I think it demonstrates in such a funny way both the strength and weakness of a brain that tends to ignore physical reality in favour of fantasy. The strength is obviously that you can find what you need for your desired outcome in almost anything, you can always imagine a way your fantasy will become reality, and so never lose hope, but the weakness is pretty obviously that not being so grounded in physical reality makes you rather clumsy and inconsistent with concrete physical tasks. Possibly it's not so funny to someone else, but it's funny to me as someone who has always been 1000% willpower, meanwhile struggling to develop physical abilities to even passably match that willpower. BUT when you do get there, magic happens. I would say it's desirable to have your head in the clouds and feet on the ground.

8. Your favourite outfit of them

I do like striped t-shirts.

9. Your least favourite outfit of them

Orange t-shirt. Wtf are you doing Kuroko, you have blue hair! Do you want to look dead?

10. Describe the character in one sentence

An impossibly relatable myriad of contradictions.

11. What's the first thing you think about when thinking about the character

Probably either the fandom here on Tumblr, or my own fics. Because those are the things that are in my daily life.

12. Sexuality hc!

Asexual and gray-romantic. That's how I just always read Kuroko in the anime and manga. I know a lot of people tend to automatically headcanon characters who display no opposite sex attraction as being gay, which is valid, but I am asexual myself so of course I'm more likely to start to wonder if someone is ace when they display neither opposite nor same sex attraction in a way that is clearly sexual. I see no evidence of it in canon, even Kagami seems to have some inclination towards being interested in sexual things compared to Kuroko. So Kuroko might just as well be ace. Which is HILARIOUS because it's called the invisible orientation sometimes. That's why I'll never let go of this headcanon. Literally who would be better asexual representation? Asexuality can even be one factor why Kuroko has so little presence. Apparently, people exchange sexual energy all the time, and if you don't emit, receive or respond to it, people may not even notice you. (It's a hypothesis but based on my experience there might be something to it.) Obviously that would be just one reason in something that is more complex, but that's just what makes it interesting to me, when multiple factors come together. Anyway, I do see latent romantic attraction there, but I don't think it's ever strong enough for Kuroko to act upon until Kagami of course. I don't think he's necessarily even aware of it. I do think that attraction is leaning towards men, though. However, he's very very particular. Only Kagami is able to break the threshold, haha. Also, thinking Kuroko is asexual doesn't necessarily mean I think he's sex-averse (since someone people still don't understand the difference.)

13. Your favourite friendship they have

I just talked about the negative aspects of their relationship, so it might not be obvious, unless you've seen a post where I talk about this, but it's with Momoi, and it's precisely because I think their friendship and actual points of connection were largely ignored in canon. They both feel slightly like outsiders, they both have made observing people in different ways their forte, which I think means they both have a natural interest for it, they are the most naturally socially inclined in their Teiko team (besides Akashi, but he's in a different way from them). They even have this pastel colour coding thing going on. And I think it's super tone-deaf to not have any explicit comparison between Kuroko's and Momoi's experiences of being ignored because she is definitely ignored too, yes in a different way, but the more important difference is that people don't even notice she is, and the fandom does it too. (Newsflash, the reason is misogyny.) There should definitely be similar comparison between Kuroko and Momoi as there is between Kuroko and Takao. As if being a "supporting character" is profound when a guy does it, but when a girl does it, it's just what she was supposed to do all along anyway, so no one even pays attention. Another point I can't help but see is, that if Kuroko was a girl, Momoi would definitely be that extrovert friend who adopts the introvert friend, and they would be besties like none you'd ever seen. Momoi would still bury Kuroko in hugs, but in a way more genuine way in which that over-enthusiasm wouldn't be out of place or shallow. But all of that deep friendship potential is ignored. In short, there is a shit ton to explore in their relationship, and I'm doing just that.

14. Best storyline they had

I don't know if I can answer anything else than the whole thing? I just love the whole premise and how it plays out. I love that the story is committed to the perspective of someone with significant limitations in power: Kuroko doesn't magically "win the lottery" and actually become the most powerful being, like protagonists usually do, in series like Naruto and Boku no Hero Academia. Kuroko's story is a lot like "the heroine's journey" and actually commits to the unattractive parts of it, meanwhile so many other stories just use the sexy parts of the heroine's journey to spice up the hero's journey and create emotion porn. That's why Kuroko is actually relatable to people who know that the ultimate power fantasy is out of their reach: he finds an alternative way to be strong, he actually has to be smart to overcome his limitations in power. I know some people love escaping to power fantasies, but I really appreciate these grounded aspects in this otherwise fantastical story. Even though the way to Seirin's win is paved with unexplained power of friendship moves that make no practical sense, the result doesn't feel like lazy storytelling because of this commitment.

15. Worst storyline they had

Hmm, there's no bad storyline in my opinion, so I'm just going to have to continue with how much more there would still be to get out of the overarching story with some added female perspective. So many of Kuroko's struggles are totally average struggles of women. Having less raw strength than the average person you'll be facing? Being ignored on a daily basis? Going out of your way to be the emotional glue because no one else will do it? Not being taken seriously? Your boundaries being constantly violated? Obviously, I'm not saying this doesn't happen to men. I'm saying this happens particularly to men who are thought of as feminine. So I think it's really sad that stories like this ignore how many struggles people who are perceived to be feminine, share. It's sad that misogyny prevents stories like these from getting out of the male centric narrative and keep isolating the male and female characters from each other even though they share so many experiences. So, the worst storyline is the lack of acknowledgement that it should have also always been a female storyline in addition to everything great it already does.

16. A childhood headcanon

Kuroko loved to pretend play that ghosts and spirits like poltergeist exist, and they are misunderstood and someone just needs to find the right words to talk to them, so he went looking for them in dark and mysterious places like a forest or an attic if he was near one.

17. What do you think their first word was?

"Granny" because she was always home more than Kuroko's parents.

18. How do you think they were as a kid?

I think Kuroko was significantly more shy, quiet and socially awkward, but also more animated and emotive. He had to grow a thicker skin and hide major parts of himself to survive in a harsh social world.

19. The most random ship you've seen people have with them?

Who haven't I seen? Kuroko no harem indeed. Probably like... Imayoshi or Kasamatsu? Which is like... why? Where is the chemistry? The foundation? The thematic significance? At least I understand why some people think it's hot to ship Kuroko with Hanamiya or the Jabberwock, like, I theoretically understand that some people find antagonists who demean someone and beat them up to be smashing boyfriend material, or if not that, at least some basic porn, but I don't think I will ever understand the people who seem like they are looking for ships with pretty much nothing in it. I guess they want to create everything themselves, maybe?

20. A weird headcanon

Kuroko wrote some angsty poetry in middle school and ended up burying it underground because he was embarrassed by it. I have no clue where this came from? I don't know if it's that weird, but it's the most baseless thing I've ever written in my fic. (I make sure my wilder shit is canon based even if it's an unlikely interpretation.)

21. When do you think they were at their happiest?

Besides Seirin's win and reuniting with the GOM, I think in early childhood when it was mostly just Kuroko and Granny who was really loving and showed him the magical world of stories, painting him a picture that he could do anything and be anything he wanted, and he didn't really know the real world wasn't as kind, yet.

22. When do you think they were at their lowest?

Besides end of middle school, at the spring of third year in high school. (Oops, spoilers for TOT!)

23. Future headcanon

Oh dear. Oh dear indeed. Do I have plans. Some that I feel like I'll be hanged for.

Oh well, let's just say that Kuroko and Kagami will definitely get married, since that's both obvious and safe.

24. What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone?

Argh, it's so hard for me to answer these because all secrets I think Kuroko has are, again, spoilers for my fic. A lot of them are still secrets to Kuroko as well, for quite some time.

Well, I don't think he told anyone he's asexual, out of self-preservation. (Untill he does.)

25. When do you think they acted the most ooc

Hmm, I don't have anything big, but it always felt a little strange to me that Kuroko decided to comfort Momoi by touching her head, as opposed to a shoulder or something, because Kuroko evidently doesn't like people touching his head. It seemed strange that he wouldn't consider it might be annoying to someone else too. Of course, I can come up with multiple explanations for this. There's no reason why he wouldn't know that it's in fact something that Momoi likes. Or he could have been trying to come up with the most platonic way to comfort someone he could think of, and it turned out strange. I'm sure there could be other explanations, too.

26. When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?

I think increasingly towards the end of the series, because he would gradually open up and relax more around people.

27. If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc, who would be the most fun for them to meet?

I kind of dislike crossovers like this but... well, if I must choose, I guess it would be quite interesting if Kuroko could meet one of my own characters. Maybe the other protagonist from my debut novel, who is a literally invisible creature who would totally make Kuroko think that he was right in the childhood headcanon mentioned above.

28. The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

Hmm, I think Kuroko went a bit far about teasing Kagami with Nigou sometimes. I know it's hard to get if you don't have an irrational phobia, but it's not really a funny experience. It could be retraumatizing.

29. How do you think they would be as a parent?

The major spoiler questions just keep coming, geez. Obviously Kuroko will be a gentle and loving parent. It's just that I want to blurt all my fic plans out now. But I can't. All I can promise is that it's going to get... interesting. I have a habit of synthesizing canon and fanon in ways that make seemingly contradictory aspects blend together. Let's just say that I'll make liberal use of some loved and hated fan fic traditions in the topic of parenthood. I promise it's going to be a bit out there. Actually about as out there as basketball is in canon. Theoretically real. Which is kind of my point. (Presicely my point.)

30. The funniest scene they had?

Honestly, it's when Kuroko is looking at Kagami, mouth open and seeing him shining literal light, pfft. There's no way to watch that shit with a straight face, and no pun intended.

Thank you for asking me, I hope you had fun reading this, you deserve so much fun after working for entrance exams! I'm so happy about your success. ❤️ If you liked this answer, I'll always be down to do it for another character or just talk about things privately too. ✨

[heartlandians]

Nathamy

Hi Soile,

Did you enjoy Episode 9? I loved it very much :)

Nathan and Amy Parts were so sweet, i thought!

With the tree climbing thing and building trust! :)

The Thing with Amy has always Lyndy, of course because Ty is Dead! And Nathan feels sry.

And the Tree ,,Sweetheart,, Thing, that his wife cheated on him….so sad both Storys, in fact a little bit ending in heart Breaks how he said  :(

But i think, both Amy and Nathan can over come their sadness and can get together in the future, hopefully Season 18! 

I very much hope so, because i love them together and i think Amy has already a little crush on him, because the words Nathan said, really hurts her….and when such words hearing hurts, the Feelings were or are there in my opinion! 

What Do you think??

Greetings Caren _______________________________

Hey!

I think it was an okay episode, not my favourite but there were definitely some very good moments there that I liked very much. 

I feel like this is an interesting, definite starting point for an upcoming romantic relationship between Amy and Nathan. For me it’s obvious that is what they are building up, and so far they’ve been able to create the connection, shown they feel comfortable around each other and there’s interest, but nothing has been said yet in regards to “that kind of thing”. So the setting has been built and the heartbreak comment and the initials on the tree are a way to start nurturing these bigger, more complex feelings and a way to connect in the end (even though it might seem backwards, but those type of things are what show people’s deeper layers which is what are needed to create a realistic relationship on screen).

For example, Amy referred to Nathan as “her friend” and there was no hesitation or weirdness about it, not from Amy or Nathan, so that is what they are now, but at the same time the tree scenes had flirty undertones that teased us about what could be, if you know what I mean. I think it’s a perfect way to switch this into gear 2, so to speak.

I feel like through this small type of angst it will be revealed to both Amy and Nathan why the heartbreak comment created such a big reaction for them both (on a more personal level but also between the two) and in the end that’ll lead them to understand maybe there’s more to this than just friendship.

[bisexual-in-every-gender]

Survey

New tats in your near future?

Got a full sleeve planned in November (flowers all over my arm in rainbow colours growing out of blood stains with the Billy Talent lyrics "These flowers have grown from bloodstains on the ground", incorporating my queerness and the struggle with it over years with my love for Billy Talent), plus a small tattoo of a chest burster (the one from Alien) being hugged by his host to emphasise my love of horror and sci fi

How about piercings or re-piercings?

*sigh* I tried to have my ears pierced twice and both times had a severe allergic reaction and my lip ring I had to have taken out because of an infection, so sadly, I don't think piercings are for me :(

Are there any rooms in your house that you don't go into every day?

Several. We got three spare rooms, one that had been meant for a baby's arrival, but sadly the IVF failed, so it's now a storage room, as well as another storage room in lieu of a cellar and a guest room. Also the second bath room which the cat uses.

Who else do you know who has the same favourite colour that you do?

My sister Ami, I think, likes blue as much as I do.

Have you ever covered a tattoo up or added to?

Yeah, I made my tattooed pug a vampire with a swirling glass of blood.

Have you ever kissed someone who previously kissed someone you hated?

I guess? I only hate Izzy's ex for the way she treated her though.

Do you have any relatives with red hair?

No.

What is tomorrow's weather forecasted to be like?

33 degrees Celsius and sunny

Have you ever known someone who committed suicide?

I never had the chance of meeting him, but Izzy's friend Neil did.

What's some of the worst pain you ever felt?

Each failed IVF cycle, a miscarriage and the loss of my grandmother and my first cat. Physically, a bad ear infection and a snapped tendon in my ankle.

What's your favourite kind of pasta?

Spaghetti

Would you rather a friend come over to your house or you go to theirs?

I'm weird about people coming to my place. It always looks dirty and untidy to me. So I'd rather go to theirs, even though it might be untidier there.

Have you ever had rabies?

No.

Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot?

Me and my wife (it's mandatory when travelling to China for an extended period of time), my cat

Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb?

Yes to all but the squirrel.

What is your favourite parody movie?

Shaun of the Dead, Redfield

What is your least favourite ice cream flavour?

Peppermint. Don't get the appeal.

Does your car have heated seats?

"Ich habe doch gar keine Auto!"

Have you ever been tempted to steal?

Yes, but I resisted.

Would you rather travel to Ireland or Japan?

Japan. Already been to Ireland.

Does tickling turn you on?

No. It's just annoying.

If you could go over to someone's house right now, to whose and why?

Toni's to give them a hug and say hi to Kasi.

What is the age gap between you and your parents?

28 and 35 respectively

How many bathrooms does your house have and is it enough?

Two and yes.

Have you ever videochatted with someone you met online?

Loads of people.

Do you collect anything or have you ever?

Funkos, books and fridge magnets

How many siblings does your best friend have?

One sister.

Have you ever dated someone who was emotionally or mentally unstable?

Oh, have I ever.

Be honest: Are you clingy?

Not as much as I used to be.

Have you ever had bronchitis?

Multiple times.

Have you ever had a reptile for a pet?

No.

Are you afraid of the dentist?

Yes. I suffer severe dentophobia. I literally shake and shiver on the chair and once started crying so hard they had to stop treatment. But I still endure, as I don't want my teeth to fall out.

Did you attend Sunday School as a kid?

No.

Who was the last person you cuddled with?

My wife Izzy.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't around, but their phone is. Do you look?

No. Can't unlock it anyway and wouldn't try to.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?

Yep.

Have you ever liked someone who was in a relationship with someone else?

Once, but it was in year 6, so hardly counts.

Do people ever compliment your eyes?

Rarely.

Have any of your exes ever given you roses?

No, but my wife has.

Do you think your last ex ever thinks about you?

If he does, I don't care.

Would you rather have a salad or french fries as a side dish?

Chips please.

Which one of your relationships was the shortest?

5 months and two weeks with my ex.

Which was the longest?

Six years and counting

Have any of your exes told you they regret breaking up with you?

Yes.

Are you going to be getting any new pets soon?

We were thinking of getting another cat, but after a test run with a friend's cats Bertha made it clear she's happier as an only pet.

Do you like BBQ sauce?

No, I hate it.

What do you like to do when you're home alone?

Watch Star Trek, play video games

Do you know anyone who has autism?

I do, my friend Toni probably does and my friend Ronja is also on the spectrum

What is your favourite way to eat eggs?

Boiled.

Do you like Frozen?

No, I find it super annoying. Olaf should be shot.

Do you enjoy hot chocolate?

Sure.

Do you use Instagram often?

No, no account.

If you got a kitten, what would you name it?

Pippin for a boy, Hilda for a girl

Who is someone you know who's talkative?

My wife. She can talk for England. And my mum.

When was the last time you met any of your uncles?

I never met any of my uncles and now they're both dead.

Do you know anyone who plays the violin?

Not to my knowledge.

Do your parents enjoy any of the things you enjoy? Do you bond over it?

My mum likes Star Trek (infact, she introduced me to it) and theatre. My dad watches horror films and likes rock music. Yeah, we sometimes bond over it.

[thedemonastrophel]

for the Doctor Who ask game, answer all the multiples of eleven.

11) Who is your doctor

13, ngl I started watching 10 first cause David Tennant was in Good Omens and I saw that first, but now being caught up on nu who I can safely say 13 is my doctor. I will defend her forever and always, I absolutely love how much heart her run has in it. Yeah I'm a bit sad there's no x-mas specials for her but honestly I didn't notice when watching. I just love everything about hers run. The feel of it, her acting, the relationship with the Doctor and Yaz, just all of it.

21) Favourite Companion?

Honestly my favourite has to be Ruby! Surprising to me as well but the way she's written- there's just something about characters that have trauma and are just fully willing to accept that someone suddenly left them for no reason (the doctor, 72 yards), and not even be mad about it. Also I adore her outfit design.

31) Favourite Episode ever?

Ooh probably The Midnight Planet. It's one of the few episodes that the doctor actually feels like they're about to perma die and no one can do anything about it. Idk I just love the position it puts them in.

41) Classic Who or New Who?

I love the vibes that classic has but I think because I started with new who (and that's where 13 is) I'd have to go with that one. I do love the janky CGI classic who has though.

51) Favourite monster/villain?

The weeping angels. Gah I love them, their into episode is so well done. Not a fan of how they're handled in that one episode with Amy in the forest, but not much can be done about that. Either way I love how terrifying they can be, the potential for indimitadion factor is incredible.

61) Torchwood or Sarah Jane Adventure?

I'm gonna be so honest I haven't watched either but I'm extremly bias towards Jack Harkness because of the him Rose and 9 thing, I got so excited the first time I saw that lmao

71) Favourite peice of alien tech?

Kerblam man, there's something so funny about those guys I love them sm (and if that's not a good enough answer uhhh those space age clockwork robots from 10's season)

81) Time period you'd want to go to with the Doctor?

Far future earth! I wanna see the shiny evil capitalism! :D

91) What historical event would you like to see?

I want to see the reactions of people when the Wizard of Oz premiered for the first time, I wanna see how people reacted to colour in a movie like that.

[seventeenlovesthree]

Despite my current obsession with my Miraculous Tentobug!AU, my own little Sailor Moon/Digimon!AU is always at the back of my mind - and as I have basically four potential seasons of content outlined in my head, with my favourite ship becoming endgame, I thought about doodling some of my favourite scenarios. (I will outline these in more detail below the cut, as I have thought-dumbed the general ideas before, but if anyone feels curious, I’ll be happy to talk more about it! 

Season 1, flashback, first meeting at football club; ages 11/10.

Season 1, Taichi’s awakened, Koushirou isn’t, Taichi attempts to keep his identity hidden, but is trying to investigate some mysterious USB-stick (with brainwashing software) by asking his favourite computer ace; highly influenced by Sailor Mercury’s awakening episode (”You should know that I have no idea how to use a computer”); ages 14/13.

Season 1, Taichi struggles to identify and act as a leader upon getting called out by Yamato about it, but Koushirou believes in him without a shred of a doubt; highly influenced by the heart-to-heart between Makoto and Ami before facing off Endymion to protect Ryo, also the infamous Adventure gate opening episode (“I have always believed in Taichi-san”) and the famous novel scene (”You’re too soft to be a leader”); ages 14/13.

Season 1, last call before their final battle, reassuring each other on the phone, with Yuuko having some interesting assumptions about why her son has been using his phone so often lately; highly influenced by the girls contemplating their life choices in the second last episode of season 1 before dying; ages 14/13.

Season 2, upon losing their memories after dying and resetting the timeline, Taichi is the first to re-awaken and tries to make the others remember as well - but doesn’t reach through to Koushirou at all, who completely shuts himself off, refusing to even accept any of his “alleged” friends to get any closer, subconsciously rejecting the idea of having “several identities”; highly influenced by Mamoru’s memory loss in season 2/R, with Usagi attempting to making him remember; also influenced by Koushirou’s Ultimate episode, causing him to reject his inquisite heart; ages 15/14.

Season 2, them eventually reuniting after Koushirou finally regains and embraces his memories, highly influenced by the reunion of Usagi and Mamoru in the final episode of the tree arc in season 2; ages 15/14

Season 3, upon showing symptoms of awakening herself, Hikari collapses and Taichi blames himself for it, as he assumes to be the one who awakened her due to a chain reaction, so he confesses his fears to Koushirou, who accompanies him in the waiting room of the hospital, attempting to soothe him; highly influenced by Hotaru collapsing and getting brought to the hospital by Usagi, Ami and Chibiusa in season 3/S; also highly influenced by Taichi confessing to Koushirou that Hikari had almost died because of him once in Adventure; ages 16/15

Season 4, upon getting nightmares about his companions dying again if he can’t protect “what is most important to him”, Taichi keeps isolating himself from the group and demands Koushirou to stay back to take care of Hikari instead of fighting alongside him to (over-)protect him, being in denial over his confusing feelings, resulting in them fighting over it; highly influenced by Taichi’s general attitude towards Koushirou during their final fight agains Piemon in the last arc of Adventure; also influenced by Mamoru’s nightmares about Usagi dying if he keeps being together with her, as well as Rei’s general prophecies (especially in season 3/S); ages 17/16

Season 4, them making up at the school festival’s dance party as Taichi finally decides to apologize, talking about being honest with each other, so Koushirou finally decides to confess being adopted to Taichi (and that that may have been the reason why he couldn’t have gotten his memories back, having been confronted with it immediately before their first final fight), whose first reaction is to reassure him, almost stumbling over his own heart; highly influenced by the school dance episode in season 4/SuperS of Sailor Moon; ages 17/16.

Season 4, them actually “casually” dancing with each other during the same evening (after defeating their enemy together, realizing that they’re no good when they’re apart), no confessions are being made here yet, but they feel a lot more comfortable and open towards each other; highly influenced by the MakoAmi dance in the episode mentioned above in season 4/SuperS; ages 17/16.

Season 4, upon Taichi getting brainwashed and captured by their enemy, Koushirou decides that Taichi is actually “what is most important to him” and opens the gate to get through to him; highly influenced by the Nehelenia mirror arc in season 5/Stars; ages 17/16.

Season 4, Koushirou trying to reach through to Taichi in his brainwashed state, going so far as to drop the honorific; highly influenced by Usagi trying to get through to Mamoru being brainwashed in season 5/Stars; ages 17/16.

Season 4, the eventual reunion - and a first step towards a wordless, mutual confession; highly influenced by all your favourite cheesy fantasy romance tropes; ages 17/16.

tbc.

[being-of-rain]

Thoughts from my Classic Who watch, this time season 11. (Amy Pond voice) Posh fistycuff man, goodbye.

I’ve read of quite a few Doctor Who writers saying that Three and Sarah are their favourite Tardis team, which has surprised me since I thought Sarah was more well-known as Four’s companion. But I can see now why Sarah’s early stories would’ve had such an impact on them, and why she went on to be one of the show’s most popular characters. She’s immediately likable; witty and smart and funny and charming. The banter and joking between her and the Doctor is endless fun. It’s hilarious that she’s first introduced to him under a false name because she’s currently infiltrating a military establishment for a news story, absolute icon. And honestly her occasionally in-your-face feminism is so refreshing after the total disrespect that Jo sometimes got. The rest of The Time Warrior is great too. It feels like a modern episode of the show- the script is tight, there are lots of good and funny character moments, and it’s a neat introduction for the Sontarans. Sorry to go back to talking about Sarah again, but I can’t believe she escaped from the occupied castle with another prisoner in there, befriended some local aristocracy, and then broke back in to the first castle to kidnap the Doctor out of it! And all this without the Doctor’s help or even explanations that she had time-travelled! Once again I must say, absolute icon!!

Invasion of the Dinosaurs was definitely an interesting one! Firstly, I’ll always be amused that the title was shortened in the first episode to preserve a twist in this story and this story only, as opposed to every story ever with ‘Dalek’ in the title that used “it’s the Daleks!!” as the cliffhanger to part one. Secondly, is this the most Disaster Movie that Classic Who has ever got? I was actually shocked by the bloody corpse of the looter that they showed at one point. Now, back to Sarah. She really knows how to accept things and roll with them, it says volumes how quickly she followed the Doctor’s lead and smiled for her mugshots 😂 I once saw a post describing that as the first time she got arrested, but given how she met the Doctor (not to mention her general demeanour), I find that somewhat hard to believe. And honestly she basically wraps up the whole plot of this story herself. While the Doctor and the Brig are busy first being hoodwinked by Yates and then dealing with the Doctor being (badly) framed, Sarah does actual investigative research, finds the people responsible for the situation, and leads a revolt against them. She wouldn’t have needed the Doctor at all if her gang had done the smart thing at the end and moved the evil scientist away from the doomsday lever. As for the other characters, this story really gets what makes the UNIT family fun. There’s so many great gags with them, especially the scene where the Doctor gets fed up with everyone distracting him, which ends with him looking about as distressed as you ever see him (and with Jon Pertwee’s fantastic face, that’s saying something). I’m glad it was this story that involved Yates’ betrayal, because it ties his point of view back to his past experiences, and makes it very clear throughout that he’s still holding onto his morals even as he betrays everyone. Very ironically, this is maybe the most likable Yates has ever been for me, it breaks your heart a little when the one thing he seems most certain of is that his life doesn’t matter. I did start to worry that this story and Operation Golden Age was a reaction to The Green Death and was arguing against the strong environmentalist themes in that story. But thankfully that wasn’t the case at all, it never goes down that path, and actually makes a point at the end to say “saving the environment is extremely important, just don’t be an eco-fascist about it.” Also, Sarah being separated and ending in a colony vastly far away from the Doctor in time and space while he mucks around in modern-day England definitely feels like inspiration for the Interference novels. That subplot happens to Fitz, except in that case its actually real, and it only loops back round to the Doctor’s plot with heartbreaking consequences.

Those nasty Daleks are back again! And this time the story isn’t really about them, even though they still eventually become the most imposing threat, which I think is a nice balance that Death to the Daleks managed to strike. The beginning of the story was proper spooky, with all the darkness and mist. The TARDIS’ safety being invaded always feels unnerving, so Sarah seeking sanctuary in it before finding that a creature had found its way into the new shadows of the console room was really creepy. And shout-out to Elizabeth Sladen for being a hell of an actress and making all of Sarah’s terror very believable, even when I think the script and directing was probably doing her a disservice by making her scream and freak out quite a bit. The horror of the planet was undercut a bit for me when it was revealed that the aggressors were a tribe of native species that veered a little too close to Colony In Space territory for me. I started to think that maybe I’d been quick to judge when it was revealed that there were other Exxilons who were more open-minded than the tribe that worshipped the city, that they were the remnants of a galactic empire, and when the antagonistic Galloway made a bigoted comment that sounded very self-aware of the show. But then it turned around and out of nowhere said that ancient Peruvians couldn’t possibly have built their buildings without alien intervention, so I think I’m going to go ahead and chalk this story up to another reason Classic Who should be banned from using the word “primitive” until it learns its lesson. Finally, I love a good puzzle rooms plot, but the fact that so many people literally starved to death in a room where the puzzle was a maze that looked like it could be in a children’s puzzle book made me laugh. And so did the cliffhanger which was just a dramatic zoom on a pattern on the floor. I adore a Living City, but I don’t think this story used the trope as much as it could.

I can see why Peladon was popular enough to revisit, it was a very strong setting last season. And The Monster of Peladon was okay, but in my eyes it didn’t live up to its predecessor because it didn’t do some of the things that most interested me in Curse: it didn’t have a bunch of interesting new alien species, and its twist was that the Ice Warriors were the villains. Again. Although, admittedly, Ice Lord Azaxyr being held back by four strong men then throwing them all off at the end looked cool as heck. Also, Monster is 2 episodes longer than Curse. I think I get more easily bored by 6-parters after 60s Who than I did during the show’s early years, maybe because I was kept entertained by the charming quaintness of ‘60s television, I don’t know. Also also, Aggedor is cute as heck again in this, and it’s so sad that he dies 😭 I should’ve checked Does The Aggedor Die Dot Com. I love how the Doctor sees a character in need of some Womens Liberation and immediately refers her to Sarah jsdlkfj. Everyone knows about Sarah saying “there’s nothing only about being a girl,” but at the end of the story she also tells the queen that “there's nothing only about being a miner, your Majesty, any more there was about being a girl.” Sarah Jane said intersectional feminism! Another line I didn’t realise Sarah said was when she quoted what the Doctor has apparently said to her, that “while there’s life...” before trailing off. That’s some great foreshadowing.

I’m glad I’m not more arachnophobic than the average person, because Planet of the Spiders has some Magnus Archives-esque shit near the start, when the Doctor projects the recorded thoughts of a dead man and gets a screen full of spiders, and when some meditating men physically manifest the horrors of their unconscious mind and it’s a giant spider. Overall, the story is very intriguing because of its sudden interest in Buddhism, which gives it a good vibe for the Third Doctor’s send-off I think. I did like that it addressed the Doctor’s faults, because that’s something I think Three’s era sometimes failed to do to its detriment, even if phrasing it as the Doctor’s greed was a bit weird. Once again, Sarah jumps into the plot quicker than the Doctor. It’s extremely interesting how chummy she is with Yates at the very start of the story, calling him Mike and getting driven around the countryside by him alone, when Invasion of the Dinosaurs was her first meeting with him and apparently he hasn’t talked to the Doctor or the Brigadier since then. It makes me think that there’s definite room for a short story featuring Sarah and Yates between the two stories, maybe with Sarah sympathising with him after being on the same end of the Golden Age’s brainwashing as he was. Speaking of Yates, it tugged at the heartstrings that evidentally everyone thought it was best not to tell Jo about Yate’s betrayal (though it was lovely to hear from her for Three’s final story). And speaking of untold stories with Sarah, it’s interesting that there’s a 3 week gap for her between the final scene and the rest of Planet of the Spiders, but apparently no Doctor Who media has dipped into that time. If this franchise is going to milk stories out of the gaps in episodes, they should look at the ones that would give interesting character pieces! Okay this post has already become so long. For the Third Doctor’s last story, let’s do five rapid final points. -There’s some good villains in this one! Lupton and his spider outcast friend both being fallible and (for lack of a better term) human was engaging and well demonstrated when they both started causing each other pain in a childish attempt to get their way. Lupton’s gang really felt like a bunch of normal people who didn’t actually set out to be the villains, and regular spiders given superintelligence is at the same time funny and scary, and well used. -Poor Professor Clegg is such a tragedy. He’s made so sympathetic in his few scenes before being killed off, which was basically the result of the Doctor roping him into doing some trials. I like that the Doctor admits to feeling guilty about that too. That’s good writing that is. -The Brigadier is maybe used for comic relief a bit too much, and is painted as a bit of a buffoon during his short screentime. Oh, I do love that he calls Harry Sullivan at one point, that’s a great little easter egg for people watching with future knowledge. -I’ve always found it appropriate for Jon Pertwee that there was such a sprawling vehicle chase sequence during episode 2. Including Bessie v Whomobile, Dawn of Justice. And on the topic of vehicles, it also feels appropriate that after all the work the TARDIS has had done this era, the Doctor refers to her as being alive here. I love the headcanon/basically canon that it was the Doctor’s time taking apart and rebuilding a lot of the TARDIS during his exile that really made him realise how much of a living thing his ship is, and how close a bond they share. -And finally, as always, the Doctor and Sarah’s chemistry is wonderful. A particular highlight is when they’re both trapped in spiderweb and making very silly jokes to pass the time while their fellow prisoner looks on in disbelief. Also, of course, their fantastically-acted farewell as the Doctor dies 💔

[stephspurs]

A Family Affair | Euro 2020 Football Fanfiction

My loves, this is the end of AFA & I can't tell you how sad I am for this little story to be over :( There are a couple of people I need to thank so bear with me...Amy (@footballffbarbiex) for making me believe I could write this and that people will want to read it, thank you forever. Em (@emwritesfootball) for being my fabulous proof reader and always being there for me to bounce ideas off of, thank you. And to allllllllllll of you who read, like, reblog and message me - THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!!! Ok enough with my Oscar's speech, please enjoy la parte finale. Love always, Steph xx

Part 12 | la parte finale

warnings; none - except maybe tears because this is the final part :( word count; 2367 writing tools; third person until dashed line, first person thereafter. tags (as requested by users); @footballffbarbiex @obsesseds-world @abysshaven link to fic masterlist here

The end of the international break had approached both squads with rapid speed, before they knew it the 3 weeks was up and it was time for their final friendly match before returning to club duties. It was a rematch of the European final from just a few months earlier, only this time - it was being played in Rome. Preparing her team to meet their opponents had been a bit trickier than last time. Of course, the boys were fired up and raring to go, but the bitterness and anger that drove her to push them harder last time wasn’t there. They were now going up against some of her closest friends as well as her family.

In a strange moment of deja vu, Amelia looked down the tunnel as both teams lined up side by side to walk out onto the pitch together. Just like the last time, her father passed her and gave her a reassuring rub to the back of her neck and made his way down through the centre aisle with his staff. Following him, and just like last time, she made her way down whilst pressing a kiss to both cheeks of her Italian men. Reaching her brother, she pressed a kiss to his cheek also, however unlike the last time he gave her a wink back. The atmosphere was different this time, it was a friendly game and there was no title at stake here - only pride. This time, however, as she passed the Three Lions Number 21, her right hand found his left one for just a moment, before giving it a gentle squeeze and continuing down her own line. He had maintained his focus forward, didn’t even blink at the girl’s actions, and by the time she got to Fede who had been watching the encounter she had made her mind up that he wanted nothing to do with her.

This friendly-match had Amelia in a bundle of nerves, dissimilar to the euro final, Amelia was confident in her ability purely due to the fact that she was well prepared. This time however, whilst she was just as well-prepared as last time, she also knew that a fair few English players had adopted her playing style as their own and knew the kind of tactic required to stop the Italian attack and penetrate the great wall of Rome: Chiellini and Bonucci. This, coupled with the fact that both sides seemed to be playing with a touch more aggression than she expected, led to her being on the edge of her seat for most of the game. A late first half goal from Jorginho had her up out of her seat, cheering for the midfield maestro. However, it was a late second half goal that had her smiling from ear to ear, whilst trying to remember to keep her bum in her chair - she wasn’t supposed to be cheering for the enemy after all. How could she not though? Ben Chilwell had scored the equaliser. Using the play they had spent so many hours perfecting, just the two of them out on the pitch at Cobham. Scoring his goal, celebrating with his team and the away fans, she had clapped with an appropriate level of enthusiasm until she noticed him look her way, pull the centre of his jersey toward his face and give it a kiss. She moved her hand to touch that spot on her own jersey. Fingers running over the embroidery that she had stitched into every one of her official matchday tops, a memento to keep her family close to her heart - the embroidery featured the word ‘WHITE’ followed by the colours of the italian flag. For this match however, she had something extra added. Did Ben know about her newest addition?

After the match.

“Chilwell! Wait Up!” Federico Bernardeschi called down the tunnel whilst jogging to catch up with his opposition player.

“Can I give you some advice? Don’t let her go. I did, and whilst it was the right thing for me to do, it's something I regret deeply. You don’t realise just how much she adds to your life until she's gone. You’ll come to realise that she is the sunshine after any storm, but she is also the storm itself. Any day without her is a little less bright.”

In a moment of vulnerability, Ben decided to open up to the man that he didn’t know more than a bar of soap, who was coincidentally the same man who knew all there was to know about Amelia.

“She really is sunshine personified, isn’t she?” Ben smiled at the thought of the girl, thinking back on all of the laughs that they shared together in Mykonos.

“Normally yes, but these past few weeks that she has been without you she has been a little less bright. You complete her, whether she has realised yet I’m not sure but I am sure that she misses you. I think more than she ever missed me.”

“Ben, there are two kinds of compliments you can give a woman. The first, something she already thinks about herself but needs reconfirmed. The second, the things she doesn’t think anyone else notices about her. The second kind matters more.”

“You like because, and you love despite. Think about that Ben.”

“I don’t know if I love her, yet.”

“I think you do know. Otherwise you wouldn’t have asked the kitman for a little something extra on tonight's jersey.”

“What are you talking about? How do you know?”

“Ah, Benjamin, a good spy never tells his secrets” With that, Federico continued his walk back to the changerooms. “She’s out on the pitch, Ben.” He called without looking back, confident that the player was already making his way out there.

Walking up to the centre circle, where Amelia was currently sitting down on the pitch with her arms behind her and her legs stretched out in front. Taking in the atmosphere of Stadio Olympico in Rome, her favourite stadium in the world. What surprised her the most was just how quickly Stamford Bridge had crept itself up the ranks and into the second spot of her heart.

Without wanting to startle her, Ben started talking to her from a few meters away - not bothered about the few lingering souls out and about. This was his time to make her his, and nothing was going to get in his way.

“You know, a wise person once said to me that you like someone because, but you love them despite” He called out to her.

Turning around, she was surprised to see him. After the cold shoulder she received earlier she hadn’t imagined she would have the opportunity to talk to the blue-eyed beauty any time soon.

“What person was that?” She asked back, softly, not wanting to spook him off.

“Fede”

She tried to hide the shock on her face, what on earth had told her ex-lover she wanted him to talk to her current lover...if you could even call Ben that. Maybe it was more appropriate for him to be referred to as Amelia’s almost-until-she-fucked-it-lover. That was a bit long winded...maybe-lover should suffice. Whilst she was having this internal struggle, all thoughts swirling around her head, Ben had reached the centre circle and sat to the left of the girl, close enough that she could see the calmness behind his eyes.

“He’s right you know, he’s not always right but this time he definitely is. For example, he was wrong to let you go. There would be no chance in hell that I would let you slip away from me as easily as he did.

“I like you because you’re smart, so unbelievably beautiful and just as confident as anyone I've ever met. But I love you, despite the fact that you drive me mad with just how brilliant you are even if you don’t acknowledge yourself. You are destined for greatness, Amelia White. And I just hope that when you do get to where you want to be, that I'm still right there with you.”

Looking at him with tears in her eyes whilst his own were telling her that there wasn’t an ounce of hesitation behind his words. He loved her. And that's all she needed. Standing up, she pulled him up by his hands and pulled him in so close that she could feel the muscles in his back contract as he wrapped her up in a hug of his own, these were the hugs that she wished could be reserved for her. No one else needed to know the power behind these hugs, they could make her fall for him over and over again. One hand across her shoulders, the other palming the back of her head and pushing her into his chest so she could feel his heart beat - after all it beats just for her.

“Ben, why did you kiss your shirt today after you scored?” She asked the taller man as he continued to enjoy the feeling of having her back in his arms, where she belonged for all of this time.

“I wanted to feel close to you, and I thought maybe you were onto something with your superstitions”. Regrettably pulling himself away from her, he pulled off his shirt to reveal the toned skin of his chest, but also the small embroidery on the inside fabric that resembled her own...except this time it read MILS with a small Italian flag. Feeling her heart swell inside her chest, she beamed up at the man who was patiently waiting for her reaction to the gesture of love.

“I think it worked Ben” Pulling her shirt away from her chest enough that she could stretch it and show the inside fabric to him, hers reading WHITE with the Italian flag, but also a small BENJ with the British flag next to it. Her way of keeping him, and her family, close to her heart where she felt them the most.

He could only imagine that Amelia felt when reading his shirt was only a fraction of what he was feeling at that moment, for it was impossible for anyone to love someone the way that he loved her. His mum always told him not to fall for the girl who gives him butterflies, because he would be addicted to the feeling and would constantly be on the chase for it, but to fall for the girl who calmed him down, made him feel secure and like he needed her air to breathe. Butterflies were warning signs, but the sight of Amelia reminded him of seeing the light on in the hall after an away match - he was home. She was his home.

Pulling her back to his chest, except this time he was shirtless. Amelia ran her hands down his back whilst his hands settled at the base of her spine, she rested her chin on his chest and stared up at the man that her heart had grown to love. Ben moved his hands upwards until he tangled them in her wavy hair, moving his lips to cover her own. The kiss said everything they needed to share with each other. I miss you. I love you. Never leave me again.

“Oi! You two! Break it up! There are kids here!” A quick yell broke the two out of their bliss, looking over to see none other than Kyle Walker standing at the end of the tunnel, looking towards them with a mischievous look on his face.

“Kyle, cover your eyes, you’re too pure to be exposed to such adult behaviour!” And just as though God had been listening, from behind him walked out Federico, to cover the eyes of Kyle Walker. Amelia and Ben didn’t realise that the two were even remotely friendly, however they had found a mutual interest - annoying their two friends that had finally admitted their feelings to each other.

“Pipe down you two” Ben joked as the pair of them walked hand in hand towards the jokesters, Ben eventually lifting his left hand to move their entwined hands to Amelia’s left shoulder, her own right arm moving to wrap around his waist. A way he could bring her physically closer to him. Amelia not resisting the gesture, anything to feel his smooth skin against her own.

“Fede, I hope you know that I'm going to be Amelia’s maid of honor at the wedding. That's not going to be a problem for you is it?” Kyle began to seriously discuss the future event with his new Italian partner in crime.

“No Kyle, that's fine - I'm the flower boy though. Jorgi is going to pull me down the aisle in a red cart while I throw rose petals at everyone” Fede joked back, the two of them pretending that the new couple couldn’t hear them as they walked down the tunnel back to the changerooms.

“What are they like?” Ben laughed into the top of Amelia’s hair, still maintaining his grip on the girl he had been without for 3 weeks. With a grin from ear to ear, and an overwhelming feeling of love about her, Amelia stopped Ben in his tracks before the two had to go their separate ways to rejoin their respective teams.

“Just so you’re aware, I love you too. And I am so sorry for everything that I put us through these past weeks. I want you to know that i’m all in, and i’m all yours...if you’ll have me”

“Stop being a silly muppet, of course I'll have you, all of you. Even the parts that drive me insane. There is no way I am letting anyone else have you. You’re all mine, Mils”

“Glad to know the feelings mutual, Chilly”

“Oi, what did I say about that! Only friends call me Chilly...and you are not my friend”

Bursting into laughter as she tried to pull away from him, only to be pulled back and wrapped up into his arms, her head against his chest.

“I love you, Benj”

“I love you right back, Mils”

finito.

BONUS #BAMELIA MOMENT - Champions Again | di nuovo campioni

[samnyangie]

Personal reviews on RSL filmography

Rsl, iI thought it’d be a good idea to record my thought on each films rsl was in, it was something I always wanted to do...

Rsl in total, was starred in (excluding tv series etc) 27-ish films, to be honest, considering his years as an actor(approximately more than 30 years) he wasn’t starred in that many. We all know why lol

Just saying I’m not a film expert, therefore the list is very subjective.

The reviews with trigger warning (r*pe, g*re etc): Tape, Killer: Journal of Murder, A glimpse of hell. Tho in the writing I’ve censored them with * since I don’t feel comfortable saying them here

There isn’t particular spoilers except for dps, tape, and ground control

The favourites (literally my life time films)

Dead Poets Society

I assume many would agree, and as many would have, it was my first ever rsl film, like I was on the plane and it was one of the films they offered, and I was like, oh I think i heard of this, so I watched and instantly loved it. The message is very relevant to this day, the cinematography is very beautiful and somehow nostalgic. I was horrified with Neil’s death. Tbh now I’ve seen too many memes and all kind of things from the fandom (which I’m grateful for!) I thought the heartfelt I once had would deluded a bit, however when I watched it again last April with my family at the cinema and it still moved me very deeply.

The age of Innocence

Okay, unpopular opinion here, I love this so much. It’s my all time favourite rsl film. It even outruns dps tiny winy bit haha. Aside from how he had tiny winy screen time, appearing at the end but the fact that he played quite an important role and him being gorgeous in it just<33 I couldn’t help but smiling! It just the whole film was so much of my cup of tea? The melodrama and the hypocrisy hidden by elegance among the upper social classes in 19th century is just what I needed. The more I watch it, the more I understand the characters and their emotions, it’s one of those films you should keep visit to discover the things you weren’t aware of before. I watched it again this morning and i couldn’t stop thinking about it. However, I know some people find it boring and I understand why, my sister is one of them lol(except for a bit where rsl was in) but i think it’s more complex than what it appears to be at a first glance haha. In conclusion, it became one of my comfort film to watch time to time. 

The ones I like<33

Swing kids

At first viewing, I didn’t expected much because it had underwhelming reviews but when I actually saw it, I thought it was quite decent and more and more I watched it, I felt like it was underrated. Yes, I think some directing choices were bit old fashioned and cheesy especially the ending, I’m not saying it was a perfect masterpiece but it deserves more recognition than it has now. Also in spite that there’re some parts being too simplified, it touched on something other films about ww2 normally don’t. It was interesting to see the German perspective on it than Jewish or the allies perspective like many of them does, but of course the latter perspectives matter, it could be argued that they more valid than the former, which partly was where sk criticised for, however, the portrayal of the varied reactions of the German people (in this one particular the teenagers) has its value in their on way. Anyway along side with it, the music and the dance scenes were great, without exaggeration, though Swing kids isn’t my fav, peter’s solo dance scene is my favourite scene in any movies I’ve ever watched. I mean that scene had both visuals and meaning as it demonstrated Peter’s determination as well as resentment with a hitch of unsureness. Rsl acting in that scene was just phenomenal, it’s not about showing off the dancing skills but he portrayed every mixed emotions peter has from his expression and the moves, I just can’t talk about this enough especially this scene was the reason I started fallen for him. lol

Much ado about nothing

Much ado is something I never seen anything like so it was a refreshing exprience. I barely watched Shakespeare on screen kind of thing. Though I felt there were some bits too cheesy for me but they are also the charms in the same time, and the cinematography was pretty also Claudio aka rsl, it was like an official announcement of declaring my worship on this man. Especially it was after SWING KIDSSSS so I couldn’t help it now everyone knows how I fallen for him but no one can blame meeeeee Anyway, it’s a really good film to watch when you want be relaxed with cup of tea maybe hehe

In the gloaming

I heard about it before I watched it, that it’s a heart wrenching, tearful piece, though I didn’t managed to cry, it’s just.... painful and in a way heartfelt. I liked that story telling was calm and collected rather than forcing you to join the sob party, just showing the characters to carry on. And thanks to the great acting from the cast, the characters could be emphasised and understood, personally the older sister was the most relatable character for me, well, eldest complex lol. In short I liked it but it’s not something I would watch it often.

Last days of Disco

As a person who looks at aesthetic in films, I simply enjoyed this for that tbh. I don’t know, I just liked the feeling. But I don’t think it’d be everyone’s cup of tea. I love the day time clothes the girls wore in the film. Tbh I love the music too, I think I love all the films of rsl with music in it. Speaking about rsl, oh rsl, he’s.... His character might be bit unlikable but he was just.... This is why I can’t unlove his characters even the debatable ones<33

They were decent! (I would recommend it)

Married to it

This is the first and last ever attempt of rsl of romcomssss The film itself is cliche to be frank it’s like love actually but it’s about marriage life + it’s not christmas but I like heartfelt cliche stories like this, if anyone also loves this type of story, it’s really worth watching, it’s one of my comfort films, also, rsl is so pretty I mean he always is but to see him being a office man with a baby face made me go awww my baby grew up heheh I wish he did another romcom like this or more preferably, melodramatic romance, I’d have made a shrine of it and worship it every morning lol

The boys next door

I kind of smiled while watching it throughout, if you want something that is heartfelt and touch on some serious topic about social workers and the people with mental disorder, Rsl plays a character who has (I think it was) Schizophrenia and troubled relationship with his father(Deja vu I know) but general atmosphere tend to be quite humourous. I don’t get me wrong, though it’s light hearted, it doesn’t mean they treat the topic in the same way. There’s a scene where the protagonist imagining the one of the characters with the disorder talking eloquently and honourably at the court on the rights and the dignity of the people with mental disorders deserve to/should have and they’re just the same people as the people without mental disorders. It was a powerful scene.

My two loves

Rsl’s first ever screen debut film! Hehe it’s about a woman who is discovering her sexual identity and the conflicts within I personally thought it was fairly sensible depiction but I can’t say for sure whether it was accurate or else, since I don’t think it’s my place to say it:) But if you’re interested, it’s on YouTube, you can just search for it or go to this post I made. Fun fact: since it was his debut film, it credits him as he’s real name, Robert L. Leonard, I just find it amusing haha

Tape

It’s another type of film I don’t encounter that often, I enjoyed it, especially with Neil and Todd’s reunion lol. Rsl mentioned how he enjoyed it because it felt like doing a play, my first impression was that the structure is like a play, though the camera work made me quite dizzy haha. But the dialogues, the acting, I think it was quite spot on. Especially the human contradictions and hypocrisy side of it. The most people assume the baddie in the film is Jon the character rsl played and has a distaste for him. I mean how can anyone love a character who is accused of r*pe but to be honest, Vincent for me seemed just as problematic, both of them are hypocrites for sure in their own different ways but in the end we can’t be sure what’s really the truth or not. It’s about the vagueness, and phychology and the uncertainty from the audience on who to believe(well, myself included, most would trust on Amy’s claims since she’s the victim in the accusation, but by her denying the claims, making everything way unclear,) so I don’t know. I don’t really have an opinion haha tho I don’t believe nothing happened because Amy denied so, even Umma Thurman who played her, said that her interpretation was that Amy lied. I felt it’s endless rabbit hole this film. Sorry I couldn’t worded it better.

My best friend is a Vampire

It’s cringey and weird but there’re odd charm to it. Vampire rsl’s so cute as well.... and I think it’s the only film, he acted kind of flirty ? So for that itself I’d like to appreciate itttt And it’s so 80s/90s, like it has general odd nostalgia like all films from that age has. I saw a Korean blog about rsl films and this was mentioned, that- they said- it’s a bible of rsl’s adorableness and I think that sum up the film perfectly.

Mr&Mrs Bridge

Before this was in ‘I mean it was fine” category, but I watched it again and now I want to retract my statement lol Still isn’t my fav but I noticed how delicately depicted each characters are, Mr and Mrs Bridge in particular. This film is alternatively about the changes in the young generation regarding liberty, feminism, free expression especially on sex. It’s in the perspective of the bridges, the mother and father who is old fashioned and conservative (as it was normal in their previous generation) and the children who are the young generation, and the misunderstanding and conflicts between them. After all it all happened not only because of the difference but also the lack of communication, which rsl emphasised in his interviews. I found it interesting that they made it seems like the Bridges truly existed with the video footage and (with the ending) describing what happened to each family member in text with photos. When I watched it at first I was really confused if it was based on a real life. I think what they wanted to suggest was that the Bridges every typical American family at the time. It was something everyone was going through. I said previously I didn’t get why Rsl’s character (the youngest in the Bridges) treated his mother so coldly. Honestly I do get why, but I guess I felt so bad so the mother haha

I mean it was fine

The safe passage

It was okay but to be honest it didn’t stood out to me. It was okay. The story, the characters weren’t that interesting. I wish they extended it longer to go depth with their family relationship or something.

A painted house

I find it likeable, it has a chill, old folk story vibe, but same as previous one. it didn’t really stand out except for shirtless rsl, do close ups you cowards

Bluffing it

I was really fond of the premise of this film and I think it has great intention. It was specifically made to promote the awareness of illiteracy and how to get support. However, I don’t get the reason of Jack the protagonist’s illiteracy. Unless, it was common occurrence in America at the time, I feel like it’d have been more convincing if he was in poor family hood, so there was no time to learn at school due to working at young age...? I mean, just finding it hard to believe he passed the high school just like that, I mean the teachers or anyone should have noticed it, maybe I’m missing something here but it seemed unlikely to me.

Ground control

Again, I liked the message, as it depicted how frightening and difficult job the ground controller is, by one mistake could take away the lives of hundreds, especially as someone who goes on planes a lot... But it was quite cliche throughout, I just couldn’t get engaged to it. But I do admit at the end when the protagonist runs off to the landing zone see the pilot who he had just saved, they acknowledged each other and have eye contacts was truly wholesome. Rsl as cocky, bad boy was such a icing on the cake, I loved it so much. Chewing gum in every scene lol I hope he plays these sort of characters more often. I saw someone criticising him saying he has narrow spectrum of just playing nice boy roles like Neil but I really wanted to debunk the narrative and this could be one of the examples! 

Chelsea walls

I knew that this has split reviews but nonetheless I think worth to watch it, 1. Ethan and rsl re union, 2. Ethan is the directer of the film and rsl sing in it. But I have to say, it’s one of those hard to follow art indie film so I couldn’t finish it on one go. I feel like I have to devour it over and over again. Maybe later on I grow fond of it more lol But his character, I loved him so much. He’s just has everyone don’t touch me, I’m a cocky artist vibe, there’s a scene where his annoying friend annoying him and he looks up and says: ‘Fck off’. Absolute golddddd not to mention he sings and plays guitar so beautifully<333

Well... it’s not my cup of tea

The Manhattan project

I don’t think the film it self was that bad, it’s about high school boy who find out the existence of some nuclear energy research lab and stole the energy to make his own nuclear bomb. I just don’t get the thinking process of the protagonist. It really frustrated me. He seemed apathetic and unlikable I disliked him throughout and that’s why I didn’t really enjoyed it. I mean it has humour and ridiculous storyline might be humorous to some. But more importantly there was such little screen time for rsl!! LIKE WHY? WHY PEOPLE?? HE LOOKS LIKE A FRESH HUMAN MOCHI!!! It makes me soooo mad to think about it

Killer: Journal of Murder

Well, first of all, it had a lot of graphic things than I imagined, brutally murd*red bodies, execution, and r*pe scene, gosh I was strucken by it when I saw that, I had to skipped that scene. It’s based on a real event and a real criminal called Carl Panzram, so if you’re aware of it, it might be more intriguiging to see. But personally for me... meh, I don’t think directing was good as it failed to portray it enough for me to comprehend fully.

A Glimpse of Hell

This is also based on a true event of a tragic accident in the us battleship in Iowa in 1989. They shows tragedy lin a blunt, brutal way by showing horribly damaged bodies of the soldiers torn into pieces, all the horrid things directly so be warned about that. I was quite alarmed because i didn’t expect to see it haha there’s no much to say. The film quality was so so for me. I feel their approach wasn’t appropriate, they were clearly trying to make it dramatic which is fine but in a melodramatic emotional way. It didn’t work because first, there aren’t enough portrayal of the characters for me to get attached, secondly it added the unnecessary exaggeration it prevented me from being emotionally involved or even to think about it. In my opinion, I think it’d have been better if they made it more restrained, dry, focus on the accuracy. For example like 1987 or Zodiac, I mean both of them has dramatic elements since they’re not a documentary but they were not overdone, in a contrary added emphasis to their message/conclusion. I know it’s easier said than done but it was something I consistently felt during it.

Sir.... I’m sorry but-

Standoff

Haha... it’s very peculiar... the directing is off and it just weird. I knew it was bad already but I watched it because rsl as a cop with gunssssssss just... so rare and just.... something else. There’s no way of me missing that seriously. Tbh him doing an action stunt isn’t what I imagine when it comes to him and there’s really any actions scenes anyway but it really was something. Like the character he played here really became my soft spot Hehehehe he was pretty and plus, tbh it’s kind of film I’d make fun of while watching so everything was (alomst) forgivable. There is a recent thing I think about, since this is about a cult, I kind of hope he’d at some day play a role like Eli Sunday from There will be blood: a manipulative, deceitful and maddened priest with twisted faith. Though Paul Dano did a grand job, the idea was in my head the whole time. Well, it’s a shame he wasn’t any of those here lol

Driven

From what I seen, the majority of people seem to unanimously hate this film, and after watching it I became one of those ppl. At least Standoff could be make fun of and rsl held gunssss but this...... I want to say so many things... I feel like they should have chose either fancy, fast paced, thrilling racing film or detailed depiction of emotions/relationships with the racers and people involved in it, I know both can be done, but I think that was outside of their ability, but since they tried to do that at once, it became a mess that doesn’t go either way. And the characters, any of them, including rsl’s are narrow or impossible to understand. I mean rsl did great himself, it was not about acting, the problem lies on the script and editing in my opinion. Also there were so many unnecessary characters made me question of their existence. Luckily rsl’s character isn’t one of them, however because of them, he had to squeeze in and unable to elaborate, which is a shame as he was an interesting character and someone rsl rarely plays; a arrogant and opportunist agent/brother of the protagonist, who would do anything for success... ha.... whyyyyy

This is it. If I watch other stuff I might add to it in the future. Overall, I know I’m biased but I do like His filmography, I do have appreciations in every one of them in different way to the good ones to bad. He may have disagree, but I love his acting on screen, well, I barely seen him on stage (crying)

Edit: as some of you could see, I’ve edited this over and over again haha elaborating on thing or the contrary. I can say with a glimpse of hell I practically managed to watch every rsl films out there lol except for the i inside and the short film he did called a dog race in Alaska. But with the former I’m not interested and already know the storyline, and the latter is just impossible to find, trust me I did my best;; 

So to sum up: I HAVE MASTERED THE RSL FILMOGRAPHY!

[eggs-toast-and-daryl-dixon]

Alright, so over quarantine I’ve been really bored so I decided to rewatch the walking dead again. As I was watching it I couldn’t help but wonder how many walkers and people were killed, so I counted them. I’m going to upload the number here because why not.

I also rated my top five favourite characters from each season, counted the number of main character intros, counted the number of main character deaths (and how it happened), and the first and last words of every character I could.

Just as a disclaimer this won’t be 100% accurate since a lot of kills either happen off screen or I don’t pay enough attention which is kinda obvious on herschels walker kill count in season 2, and this is just for fun. If I make a mistake feel free to tell me and I’ll change it, especially on characters last and first words.

Season 1

Character Introductions:

Rick grimes ep. 1

Shane Walsh ep.1

Morgan Jones ep.1

Duane Jones ep.1

Dale Hovac ep.1

Amy Harrison ep.1

Lori Girmes ep.1

Carl Grimes ep.1

Glenn Rhee ep.1

Jim ? ep.2

Morales + Family ep.2

Theodore ‘T-Dog’ Douglas ep.2

Andrea Harrison ep.2

Jacqui ? ep.2

Merle Dixon ep.2

Carol Peletier ep.3

Sophia Peletier ep.3

Ed Peletier ep.3

Daryl Dixon ep.3

‘G’ (I cant remember his actual name) ep.3

Edwin Jenner ep.5

Top characters - in my opinion :) -

1. Daryl Dixon

2. Rick Grimes

3. T-dog

4. Glenn Rhee

5: Shane (sadly)

On to the kills!

(btw if someone puts someone down before they reanimate I count that as a kill)

Rick: 43 walkers

Shane: 2 humans + 6 walkers with a total of 8 kills

That officer that rick doesn’t like: 1 human

Morgan: 3 walkers

T-dog: 4 walkers

Morales: 4 walkers

Merle: 7 walkers (by ear) + 2 walkers off screen

Glenn: 4 walkers

Daryl: 9 walkers

Dale: 2 walkers

Jim: 2 walkers

Carol: 1 walker

Andrea: 1 walker

Total walker kills: 88

Total people kills: 3

Total kills overall: 91

Main character deaths:

Amy: Bitten in the throat then put down by Andrea ep.4-Vatos

Ed: Bitten then put down by carol ep.4-Vatos

Jim: Bitten and left to turn ep.5-Wildfire

Jenner+Jacqui: Blew up in CDC ep.6-TS-19

Saddest death: Amy. Andreas reaction to this is honestly one of the saddest moments in the show. As much as I hate Andrea in the rest of the show, this was probably her best character and acting moment.

Happiest death: Ed. I hate this man with a passion. How dare you hurt our carol.

Best death: Jenner. I think the CDC blowing up was a great way to end the first season of the show and his death was almost beautiful in a way since he wanted to be with his wife.

Worst death: Jacqui. I have no idea why but I love her and was extremely upset when she died.

Top 15 killers so far

1. Rick: 43 walkers. 0 humans. 43 total. Currently alive

2. Daryl: 9 walkers. 0 humans. 9 total. Currently alive

2. Merle: 9 walkers. 0 humans. 9 total. Currently unknown

3. Shane: 6 walkers. 2 humans. 8 total. Currently alive

4. T-dog: 4 walkers. 0 humans. 4 total. Currently alive

4. Morales: 4 walkers. 0 humans. 4 total. Currently alive

5. Morgan: 3 walkers. 0 humans. 3 total. Currently unknown

6. Dale: 2 walkers. 0 humans. 2 total. Currently alive

6. Jim: 2 walkers. 0 humans. 2 total. Presumed dead-S.1 Ep. 5

7. Carol: 1 walker. 0 humans. 1 total. Currently alive

7. Andrea: 1 walker. 0 humans. 1 total. Currently alive

7. That random officer again: 0 walkers. 1 human. 1 total. Dead-before show

First (and last) words

Rick: 1st (Little girl?) last (?)

Shane: 1st (That’s a joke?) last (?)

Duane: 1st (Daddy, Daddy look!) last (Daddy?)

Morgan: 1st (He say something?) last (?)

Amy: 1st (Yes! Hello?) last (We’re out of toilet paper!)

Dale: 1st (try to reach him again) last (?)

Lori: 1st (There are others. It’s not just us) last (?)

Carl: 1st (Mom?) last (?)

Glenn: 1st (Hey you, Dumbass. Yeah you in the tank. Cozy in there?) iconic last (?)

Andrea: 1st (Son of a bitch I should kill you) last (?)

Morales: 1st (Just chill out Andrea. Back off!) last (?)

Jacqui: 1st (Come on ease up) last (Now just go)

T-dog: 1st (every geek for miles just heard you popping of rounds) last (?)

Merle: 1st (You otta be more polite to a man with a gun) words to live by last (?)

Ed: 1st (it’s cold, man) last (what’d I say!)

Carol: 1st (we’re fine thank you) last (?)

Jim: 1st (they’re running out of food in the city that’s what) last (I want to be with my family)

Daryl: 1st (son of a bitch, that’s my deer) last (?) this man will never die

‘G’: 1st (you alright little man) last (appreciated)

Jenner: 1st (Jenner here) last (they got out)

Sophia: 1st (is that what happened to Jim) last (?)

Annnnd we’re done with season 1. Again please tell me if I made mistakes on names, spellings or first and last words and I’ll change them 😁. If you don’t think I’ve counted the kills right, just remember that a lot of kills in the series are by guns that don’t always hit their target. That means if there’s lots of gunfire might not get an entirely accurate number (or even possible with Herschels never ending amount of shotgun ammo going off throughout the entire last episode of season 2, leading to some wild numbers) so please don’t be angry with me.

I’ll upload season 2 later tonight I think, and seasons 3-6 tomorrow. After that I won’t upload theses as often since I don’t have the DVDs for them and have to get them illegally in a different way.

Thanks for reading this by the way. It took ages for me to do this. 🥺

[amydancepants-peralta]

The 5 times Jake & Amy tried to get some ‘alone time’ during the holidays (and the 1 time they’re successful)

Here is my entry into the @b99fandomevents Summer 2020 Challenge, for @peraltasames 💗 also available on ao3, as it is a little long ☺️

(For those of you playing at home, only part 2 is NSFW 🙊)

Part 1:

(where it all begins)

Attempt number 1:  The Santiago Family Holiday House 

“Thought I might find you here.”

Lifting her head up from its resting place in the crook of her arm, Amy doesn’t even try to suppress the smile that began to creep onto her face the moment she’d picked up on Jake’s voice.  

She cocks her head to the side as he falters mid-step, an obvious blush creeping onto his cheeks as he lifts his hands, raising two bottles in mock surrender.  “I mean, obviously I didn’t know that you’d be out here … I’ve never been here before and that’s giving off some real Creepy New Boyfriend vibes.  You know what, I’m just going to reset and start again.”  Digging one sneakered heel into the landing, he does a quick full body turn before Amy can give any type of reassurance; blinking quickly when their eyes meet again to indicate a Full Reset.  “Hey, Ames!  Your brother mentioned that you might be out here, so I thought I’d do something completely non-stalkery and bring you a drink.”

Chuckling, Amy reaches out for one of the offered bottles, riding that still new high that comes from hearing Jake Peralta refer to himself as her boyfriend.  “Thanks, babe.”

It’s Jake’s turn to grin right back, clearly enjoying her use of their favourite new term for each other; a colloquial word that still seemed kinda new - given it’s only been four months since they got together - yet somehow fits so well it’s almost a little strange to remember a time when they couldn’t refer to each other as such.  There’s a shared giddiness that floats between them as they clink bottles and take a sip, and her cheeks kinda hurt from smiling this much, but Amy really doesn’t care.  

Gesturing at the expanse of the relatively simple deck, Jake takes in the wooden panelling of the exterior walls before turning his attention back to his girlfriend.  “So … this is your little secret hideout, I hear?”

Nodding, Amy returns to her earlier position leaning against the high railing in front of her, letting out a soft yeah as her free hand runs along the timber paling.  

Built by her grandfather as a home away from the city several decades ago, the Santiago Lake House has long been considered a place of refuge for the family.  With six of her brothers, two uncles and her father Victor on the force, common holidays were rarely guaranteed off; and so this year they had elected a non-particular weekend in June as their opportunity for all to come together.  Save for a last-minute issue at Victor’s precinct pulling him away from the festivities, all eight Santiago siblings (and their mother Camila) had arrived earlier today for a well overdue holiday.  

While the majority of her family often preferred to gather around the oversized back deck, from a young age Amy had gravitated towards the more intimate side balcony that overlooked the water.  Stretching out from the family room situated on the second floor, the surrounding tree tops lent a sense of privacy the back deck couldn’t completely offer; and on the evenings when things began to feel a little too loud, Amy would often come up here to decompress, watching the night slip by as the moon silvered the lake before her.    

Taking a sip of his beer, Jake moves to stand next to Amy, resting his weight against the banister as he drinks in the view.  “I really like it.”  A small army of goosebumps appear on Amy’s skin, despite the dusk’s only slightly fading heat, as his arm brushes against her skin.  “Perfectly compact, with a great view.”  She can sense him grin, shoulder nudging against hers.  “Feels like you.”

Amy feels her cheeks heat up as a blush washes over her, grateful that the relative darkness of the almost night sky would be able to hide her reaction.  Jake was the very first boyfriend she’d ever brought to the lake house - a fact that Manny had announced very loudly in the middle of the private tour she had been giving earlier - and the look of elation and pride that had taken over Jake’s features at the discovery has remained fresh in her mind for the past few hours.

(It had never been an overly deliberate action, to keep previous boyfriends away from the lake house, but the thought of Jake joining in, within a minute of the date being set, had been so automatic that Amy is only now realising that the concept of being here without him had seemed completely illogical.)    

A melody played from Luis’ acoustic guitar is carried up to the two of them by a sudden breeze, cutting through the tops of the surrounding pine, and Amy lets out a small shiver: forever and always susceptible to the cold, regardless of the lingering summer heat.  Without missing a beat; Jake moves to stand behind her - covering her back with his front with the instinct of not only a gentleman, but a man who is very quickly taking complete hold of her heart.  

His arms come to rest besides hers along the edge of the bannister, and quietly Amy hopes that he cannot feel the rapid pounding of her heart through her jacket.  It felt a little ridiculous to act this way, like some kind of lovesick teenager drawing hearts all over her notebook, but dating Jake for the past four months doesn’t seem to have taken the edge off the way his presence made her feel.  

“So …. Tell me about David.”

As hard as she tries to avoid it, Amy feels her shoulders tense up - the urge to let out an exaggerated UGH almost too strong to resist.  She’d only touched on David’s presence briefly on the drive up to the lake house, and despite her own personal reservations, she supposed it was sort of fair that Jake might have a few questions.  Letting out a calming breath, Amy gives herself a quick reminder to keep her responding tone light.  “What would you like to know?”

“Uhh … well, look - the way his photo is displayed on that mantel in the formal lounge, and the clear adoration in your mother’s voice whenever his name came up made me wonder if he was on some super secret mission to Mars or something.”  Shaking his head, Jake knocks the lip of the beer bottle against his forehead.  “I honestly spent the first twenty minutes of polite chatter frantically rewinding all of our conversations over the last few years in my head, trying to remember you ever bringing up something like that.  Thank god he walked in when he did, or I’m sure I would’ve ended up saying something really stupid.”

Knowing that Jake can’t necessarily see her (okay, perhaps childish) reaction, Amy rolls her eyes at the mention of Camila’s unfiltered reverence when it comes to David.  “Yeah, he’s basically the ‘Do No Wrong’ guy … The Golden Child, as Julian and I like to call him.  It’s kinda always been like that, ever since he came home from first grade with a report card filled with gold star stickers and praise from literally every teacher he’d ever been in contact with.”

Swallowing his last swig of beer, Jake scoffs into the night sky.  “Gold stars are cool, I guess.  But any fool knows that the scratch-n-sniff stickers are where it’s really at.”

“Obviously.  Strawberry, the clear winner.”

His free hand landing on her forearm, Jake squeezes gently.  “I’d always been partial to grape, but strawberry just reminds me of that chapstick you use before bed now, and I am a big fan of those strawberry kisses to start my morning.”

Craning her head to the side slightly, Amy flashes Jake a grin before meeting him halfway for a soft kiss.  She, too, had become a big fan of morning kisses … and afternoon kisses, night kisses … basically any time she got to feel the pressure of Jake’s lips against her own was a winner in her book - and she knows she’s being a little ridiculous but she also really, really likes him.  Remembering their previous conversation as she pulls away, Amy shakes her head slightly before looking out onto the lake again.

“It’s worse at home, if I’m being honest - it’s basically the same shrine on the mantel, only at home we have a piano in the living room as well.  So … how well you’re doing at school or work or whatever, determines your position either on the piano or the wall of shame above the staircase.”

“I mean … I’m sure it’s not meant to feel like a wall of shame, babe.”

Amy nods, letting out a quick I want to believe you laugh.  “Tell that to Tony.  One semester, he wasn’t focusing as much as normal, and his grade dropped by a whole level.  Two days after he came home with the results, Mama conveniently decided to do a redesign of the living room - one that just so happened to include the shuffling of Tony’s school portrait from next to mine on the piano, to sitting at the bottom of the staircase.”  

Taking a long sip of Cristal, Amy pauses to take stock of the conversation. It felt slightly traitorous to be talking to Jake about the hierarchy that - prior to this evening - she’d only ever discussed with her brothers (minus one).  There’s never been a question over whether their mother loved them dearly - an abundance of love was palpable between the walls of both their family home and the holiday house - but it was also impossible to deny that the shadow of David’s successes, paired with Camila’s obvious praise, had loomed over Amy’s shoulders during her many late night study sessions.

This wasn’t the first time talking to Jake had led to Amy admitting more than she would to most - he had that (at times, irritating) ability to sneak past her guard long before they’d been anything more than colleagues.  But one of her most favourite details of their new relationship, aside from the why-did-we-wait-so-long-for-this sex, was the amount of nights they would stay up just … talking.  They’d learnt more about each other in the past four months than the last two years combined, and still she craves more.  Shaking her now empty bottle, Amy stoops to place it on the ground beside her before straightening, sighing in contentment as Jake’s shoulders rest against hers once again.  

“Eventually, Tony’s photo found its way back to the piano .. but the message was pretty clear.”  Letting out a rueful laugh, she shakes her head slightly.  “It’s no secret that I love a bit of friendly competition.  But … it’d be kinda nice if the rungs of the ladder weren’t always so far away from each other.”  

At the feeling of Jake’s lips pressing into her hair Amy lets out one last sigh, surprising herself with just how lighter her shoulders seem to feel.  A silence stretches between them as Jake drains the last of his beer, and just when she’s about to change the subject completely, he speaks.  

“So.  There’s a little known fact about me, that you should probably be made aware of now that we’re all smooshing booties offical stylez and whatever.”

Her lips curl up at the term.  “Oh, yeah?”

“Yup.  Obviously you’re already aware of my titles as Greatest Detective Ever, Badass MC, Amazing Lover, Fierce Defender of Good from Evil ..”

“Oh god, is this list ever going to end?”

“… Master dunker at B-ball, unofficially official taste tester of any and all sour candies … but!  What you might not know is that I am also a crazy good Hype Man.  Like .. the best.  All the others can just go home coz I kick the most butt at hyping things up and that’s just the facts.”

Turning her head slightly towards Jake, Amy glances up at her boyfriend from the corner of her eyes.  “I feel like there was a point you were making, here?”

Depositing his empty bottle along the far edge of the banister, Jake’s hands return to weave their fingers through both of Amy’s, staying close as she watches him take a heavy swallow.  Sensing that something important was about to be said, and that Jake may not be at the Locked Eyes Grand Gesture stage just yet, she trains her gaze towards the lake and waits. 

“What I’m saying, Ames, is that I am officially signing up to be your hype man.  I will literally have zero hesitation in pointing out your awesomeness to anybody that doesn’t immediately see it, and I just ..”  Pausing for a moment, he shuffles closer to her back, squeezing their gripped fingers tightly, and she takes no hesitation in squeezing right back.  “You need to know that … no matter what happens.  I’m always going to be there, cheering you on.” 

The unspoken definition of the no matter what happens hangs between them, the mere mention of anything but the two of them staying together sounding both unwelcome and impossible, and Amy nods against his chest. 

“I just …. They could rewire the stars with your accolades, Ames.  The fact that it goes over anybody’s head baffles me, let alone somewhere like here.”

She nods again, temporarily unable to speak as unexpected tears begin to threaten their escape.  There were an abundance of reports and awards that spoke of her achievements, and logically she knew that any task that she set her mind to could be mastered with relative ease.  

But to know that Jake not only noticed her triumphs, but wanted to actually (and, perhaps literally) shout them from the rooftops, meant more to Amy than she could have anticipated.   

He presses another kiss to her hair, and she holds onto him tightly.  There’s so much familiarity surrounding her right now - from the scratch of the logwood bannisters; the filtered laughter of her brothers and their extended families, to the slightly acrid smell of burnt marshmallows as Luis once again fails to make a decent s’more.  

Jake’s cologne with it’s spicy notes, and the overall sense of warmth he exudes, should feel foreign amongst it all … but standing here on the balcony with his arms stretched out comfortably on top of her own, Amy cannot deny that it feels less like an intrusion, and more like the final piece of life’s puzzle locking into place.  

Her voice cuts through the night, tone soft as she rests her head briefly against Jake’s shoulder.  “I’m really glad you’re here, Jake.”

The bridge of Jake’s nose brushes her temple as he dips his head lower, pressing a kiss against her cheekbone, and her heart skips at the simple intimacy of it all.  “Me too, Ames.”  

His fingers, still interlaced with hers, tighten as he pulls their arms closer to her middle; holding the two of them in a tight embrace as his continues a trail of kisses, letting out a quiet sigh as he follows her jawline.  It’s as his teeth begin to graze the outside edge of her earlobe - a guaranteed winning choice - that he begins to whisper, the warmth of his breath sending shivers down her spine.  “So if I’m officially the first boyfriend you’ve brought here … does that mean there’s a bed somewhere that needs breaking in?”

Grinning, Amy turns in his embrace, releasing her grip on his hands so that she can throw her arms around her boyfriend’s neck and nod.  He gives her a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows, absorbing her laughter with a slightly longer kiss as his arms wrap around her lower body, and it only takes a moment when he pulls away and looks down at her - but in a moment, she knows.  

It’s a combination of things - a curated list of all of her favourite details about him coming together on a hazy June evening: the softness of his touch every time he was near; the warmth of his breath when it ghosted over her skin, the way he made her feel like she was the only person in the world that he could ever want to kiss.  She knows that it’s still technically early days, but as his fingers tip gently underneath her chin and draw her closer for the kind of kiss one doesn’t forget easily, Amy knows for sure that she is most definitely falling in love with Jake Peralta.  

It’s the kind of thought - the kind of kiss - that distracts even the most focused of people, and for that reason alone Amy doesn’t hear the heavy thud of Manny’s boots bounding up the staircase until it’s accompanied by his loud Busted! tone.  

“Okay amantes - time to come and at least pretend to be sociable with the family, yah?”

Amy’s lips pull away from Jake’s with a smack, swivelling her head towards her brother as she fixes him with a glare.  “We’re here for an entire weekend, Manny.  Plenty of time for family stuff.”

That frustratingly mischievous glint appears in her brother’s eyes - a sure sign of danger ahead - and Amy pulls away slightly from Jake.  “Ah-huh.  No biggie, Ma’s just been asking about your new boyfriend Jake, and is wondering where you’d gotten to … I’ll just tell her you’re both up here exploring the backs of each other’s throats, if that’s cool?”

Grabbing her wrist quickly, Jake yelps out a quick “Nope!”, gently pulling Amy towards the staircase.  “We were actually just talking about how we should go down and join the crowd, weren’t we Ames?”

Manny makes little to no effort to conceal his laughter as Amy’s response is a continuation of her glare, and he half-turns towards Jake as all three begin their descent towards the back deck.  “FYI, my bedroom is right next to yours, and I sleep real light … wouldn’t want to have to tell Mama about the things that go bump in the night, hey hermana?”

“You’ll get yours, manito.” Amy mumbles, linking hands with Jake as they move further away from their private oasis.  

There was a very good chance that this was Manny’s version of revenge (she may or may not have stumbled on her brother & his boyfriend last year, something she still swears to have been an accident) but now she’s both turned on and frustrated; knowing that as long as Manny has anything to do with it, there will be No Sex for her and Jake at the lake house.

Truly, she couldn’t think of a worse way to begin a holiday.  

*

(… is that a red light blinking?)

Attempt number 2:  Santa Barbara 

Jake’s eyebrows lift in surprise as the strength of Amy’s shove forces him into the couch cushions below, body barely settling against the base before she begins scrambling onto his lap.

Responding to his shock with a satisfied grin, Amy rests her hands on either side of his face to pull him in for a kiss, catching his soft moans and joining them with her own as it deepens.  

It isn’t until she’s begun to graze her teeth against the base of his neck that she catches her breath, whispering as her body begins to grind down against his - “I’m totally blaming you for this, by the way.”

“I’m not sure what I’m taking the blame for, but as long as you keep kissing me like that I’m pretty much going to admit to anything.”

She laughs, sinking her teeth gently into his shoulder and leaving a kiss in their wake.  “You and your hands, stroking up and down my back all night while I was trying to be the attentive and supportive sister.  It was driving me crazy, you don’t know how close I came to dragging you into the coat closet.”

The two of them had flown to Santa Barbara for a long weekend to show their support for Amy’s closest (aka: secretly favourite) brother, Miguel.  As the only Santiago child not to join the NYPD, Miguel had instead chosen to become a specialist in the medical field, relocating to follow a promotion in California.  This evening he was receiving an award from his peers at a gala uptown, and both Jake and Amy had jumped at the chance to attend - if for no other reason than a chance to get away, after months of double shifts and leads that had taken them absolutely nowhere.  

Amy had chosen a new dress for the occasion - black material that shimmered in just the right way, with a low-scoop back to avoid the unbearable summer heat.  Paired with her signature studs and heels high enough to do some serious damage if provoked, she’d felt like a million dollars walking into the gala on Jake’s arm - and had smiled ever so proudly as Miguel received his award.

The rest of the night, however, has become a vague memory … because all she can remember feeling - all she can remember even thinking about - was the way Jake’s fingers felt as they feathered against her exposed skin.  With his arm draped over her chair he’d been given the perfect amount of leeway throughout the ceremony, and the non-sensical patterns of unconscious action on her boyfriend’s end had sent a parade of tingles all over her body with every lap.  

Safe to say, once all the awards have been presented and they’d had the chance to congratulate Miguel once again, Amy had slammed down her fourth drink and found a convenient reason for her and Jake to leave.  Immediately.  

“To be fair Ames, you do look amazing tonight,”  Jake mumbled in-between kisses, running his hand over the expanse of her back to demonstrate his appreciation.  “Honestly, I’m blaming the dress for making my already hot girlfriend Super Mega Hot.”

She rewards his sweet declaration with a heated kiss, hands making quick work of his tie - loosening the knot with practised ease (she does, after all, fasten and loosen his work tie most days) and casting the fabric aside as she begins to tackle his buttons.  

A beachside mansion, owned by a friend of Roger’s, had been offered to be their accommodation for the weekend - an olive branch of sorts towards Jake that he’d begrudgingly accepted (the notion of his parents dating each other, something he was slowly coming to terms with).  Their delayed flight this afternoon had meant that Jake and Amy barely had time to dump their bags before getting changed and leaving again, but the floor-to-ceiling windows and expansive layout she’d picked up on their way out the door already suggested a very comfortable few days ahead.  

It is, in fact, only as Jake drops a quick kiss to her lips, suggesting they move things into the bedroom, that Amy stands and actually takes stock of her surroundings (a combination of four drinks and an irresistible partner can clearly only lead to a distracted mind).

Tugging onto her boyfriend’s hand as he continues leading her towards the hallway, Amy lets out a quiet wait a minute - and it’s just enough to pique Jake’s interest, turning to see what it is that’s caught Amy’s attention.  

“Ames?”

Raising her finger in a curious point, Amy surveys the room.  “Cameras.”  At Jake’s silence, she points them out as she slowly circumnavigates the room.  “One, two .. I count four altogether.  Four cameras, three of them video.  Trained to face the furniture, and not the beach.”

Hands on hips, Jake moves further into the centre of the room, frowning.  “Yeah, that is a little weird.”

Her eyebrows knit together as she walks towards the bookshelf next to the tv unit, inspecting a container that managed to catch her eye.  “Jake, there are like five different handcuffs in here.  All of them furry.”  Turning her head, she begins to read a few of the labels attached on a row of VHS tapes.  Genna and Nicolai … Matt and Lennon … “Cockpit Larry and the Mile High Stewardi?”  Swivelling quickly, Amy turns to gasp at Jake.  “Babe … what sort of place has your father organised for us?”

Running his hand along the back of his neck, Jake shakes his head quickly.  “Let’s not panic just yet, Ames.  This could all just be a series of coincidences that when put together seem really weird, but actually aren’t.  It .. looks like a normal house - except for all the cameras that seem to be directed towards the couch we were definitely just making out on, maybe a few sex tapes and what, in hindsight, might definitely be release papers waiting for us on the kitchen bench.”

“There’s what, where?”

“In fact, I bet if I lift the lid off of this bowl thing, we’ll find some delicious candy or potpourri or something … and it’s lube.  Many, many bottles of lube.  Hey, we’ve got the same flavour!”

Amy’s eyes widen, her face paling significantly as she feels her stomach drop to her feet.  “Oh god, this is a sex dungeon isn’t it?”

“If not, it’s the background of at least a few porn videos.”  Gripping the base of his hair in frustration, Jake lifts his head to curse at the ceiling.  “I should’ve known Roger wouldn’t know anybody with a normal house!”

Sensing the panic build up inside of her, Amy scours the room for her purse and heels, both of which had been discarded near the entryway mid-makeout.  The arousal that had been coursing through her mere minutes ago has all but disappeared, replaced by the overwhelming urge to take a shower.  She was all for porn, just as long as she wasn’t the star of it (one simply doesn’t find NYPD’s youngest female captain on RedTube) - and this house was the kind of place that, under a black light, would resemble a Jackson Pollock.  “Jake, we need to leave.  We almost had sex in here!”

“Almost being the keyword, Ames.  Unless … ”

“Jake!”

“Coming, my love!  Title of the sex tape that we definitely didn’t make here!”

*

(i’m sensing a pattern here …)

Attempt Number 3:  The Beach House

“Jake!  Jake’s girlfriend!  I just pulled Charles’s ear away from your bedroom door, thought you might wanna know!”

Startled, Jake lifts his head up so quickly it hurts his neck a little, both confused and irritated that his earlier activity of planting a series of kisses along Amy’s bare torso has been so rudely interrupted.  “Wait, was that …?”

Raising her head off of the pillow, Amy meets his startled gaze with her own.  “Did she just - ”

Their suspicions (and, in all honesty - their worst fears) were confirmed a mere second later as another voice booms through their (thankfully, locked) bedroom door.

“I’ve had a very stressful week, Gina!  What better way to lull myself into a restful sleep than by listening to the sweet lovemaking of America’s Dream Couple?”

“Oh my god, BOYLE!” 

Jake’s knees slide against the sheets as he sits up, lending a hand to Amy as she follows suit.  He lets out a defeated sigh as she pushes the hem of her shirt downwards again, leaning forward to grip his arm as he calls through the door - “Boundaries, Charles! … Thank you, Gina!”

“It’s a virtual feast for the ears, you guys!  Very soothing, to bear audio witness to the actualisation of love beyond a doorway.  It’s only weird if we make it weird.”

“It’s weird and creepy and not okay, Boyle!”  Squeezing his eyes shut, Jake cringes at the sheer notion of it.  Using his best nope voice, he continues.  “Good night!”

From their position on the bed, Jake and Amy hear the faint sound of Gina muttering come on, you weirdo; and they wait in careful silence, sharing flustered looks.  

The entire squad had all met up at Boyle’s ex-wife’s beach house this weekend, eager to continue the yearly tradition now that Holt and Jake had finally returned from Florida a month prior.  After a day of fun and frivolity (the two of them perhaps being a little unsubtle as they openly checked each other out in their swimwear); the happily reunited couple had snuck away as the evening’s drinks began to die down for a little … alone time.  

It had been Jake’s version of paradise, with Amy’s skin still feeling warm and sun kissed as his hands roamed her gorgeous body, and with a schedule of Absolutely Nothing planned for the following day, he intended to keep things going well into the early hours.  

That is, of course, until Charles (and Gina, but … mainly Charles) had put a total stop to it.

Amy’s hand squeezes Jake’s bicep, casting a wary glance towards the door before softly speaking.  “Wow, that was close.”

“Yeah.  I never thought I would say this in relation to sex, but … thank god for Gina.”

“I don’t even want to imagine the alternative.”

Shaking his head, Jake swears under his breath.  “You know what this is, right?”

“Charles forgetting basic social normalities, and grossly overstepping the line?”

“No.  I mean, yes - that, too.  But I think the main culprit here is the curse.”

“The curse?”

“The No Nookie Curse.  Tell me you’ve noticed it Ames, it can’t just be me.”

Cocking her head to the side, Amy tests out the term.  “The No Nookie Curse?”

Scooting closer to his girlfriend, Jake rests his palms against Amy’s thighs with the practiced comfort of someone who knows her body better than his own.  “Every single time we tried to initiate sexy times when we’re on holiday, something happens to interrupt us.  I’m telling you, we’re cursed.”  He grimaces, rolling his eyes.  “Which is probably because I didn’t forward that email on to seven of my closest friends back in 2013, but I was busy that day and - ”

“Jake.  There’s no way we’re cursed.  We had sex on our last holiday … didn’t we?”

“Do you mean that weekend at Dave’s cool beachfront mansion, that was also definitely used for porn films?”

“Oh right, the sex den.  Okay, but that’s a one-off.  We’ve been on plenty of holidays prior to that.”

“Like the lake house, where we were both so paranoid that Mama Santiago would find out what we were doing that we barely moved each evening?”

“Yeah, when you add it up like that it really doesn’t sound great.”

“I mean … there was lots of sex on the cruise once Doug Judy disappeared.  Good sex, too - not that we ever have bad sex.  But that was really good, life-affirming, post-declarations-of-love sex, that I’m completely certain we were able to have because we were in international waters, and therefore outside the curses’s jurisdiction.”

Covering Jake’s hands with her own, Amy squeezes gently at the mention of their cruise holiday and leans in for a chaste kiss.  “I’m pretty sure curse’s don’t have jurisdictions, babe.”

“How can you be so sure, Ames?  All I know is, whenever we’re on holiday and we try to get the good kind of naked, something always comes along and stops us.  And it really is a travesty, because you always get this crazy sexy vacation glow about you that just makes me want to cover your body in kisses, and yet somehow it just never seems to happen.”

“Wow, you’ve really thought a lot about this, huh?”

“Lets just say it’s been eating away at me for a while now.”

A lewd joke dies on Amy’s lips as she looks over at her boyfriend, taking in the obvious frustration in his face and realising how seriously he was taking the issue.  “Babe, I promise.  There is no such thing as a curse.”  Planting her hand on the other side of the bed, she lifts herself up, straddling his lap as he moves quickly to tent his legs behind her.  “And I am going to prove it to you - right here, right now.”

His hands land on Amy’s waist, holding her steady as she scrapes the edge of her teeth against his curve of his neck, carding her fingers through his shorter hair while her body slowly gyrates on his lap.  “God I love you, Ames.”

“Mmm.”  Amy takes in a deep breath, relishing the scent of the man she’d missed for so long, sighing when his hands reach down to squeeze her butt.  “I love you too, Jake.”  

The curse, the previous interruption … pretty much any kind of detail other than his name was disappearing from Jake’s mind with every press of Amy's warm lips against his skin, and he lets out a soft moan, gripping her body tighter as his hands begin to wander to her front.  

THUD.  

“OW! Rosa!”

“What the hell, Boyle!  I know Gina just pulled you away from here!”

Their kissing coming to an abrupt stop, Amy groans, tucking her head into the juncture of Jake’s neck and shoulder.  “Oh my god, again?!”

Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, Jake falls back onto the mattress, taking Amy with him and curling both arms around her protectively.  They listen as Charles and Rosa squabble in the hallway outside, choosing not to acknowledge the horror of it all this time around.  With a defeated grumble, Amy reaches for the comforter, covering them both up before returning to her safe place (i.e., Jake’s shoulder).

“What was that you were saying, about curses not existing?”

*

(okay, now the universe is just messing with us)

Attempt Number 4:  Team Building in Deer River

It’s Jake’s absent-minded humming of his current favourite song that puts a tranquil smile on Amy’s face on their return to the campsite, keeping her grip around his waist tight as the leaves crunch loudly beneath their feet.

Together with the squad, they had spent the day attending a team building event in Deer River - a state forest just far enough from the city that camping overnight had been the safest option.

After a full day of trust falls, puzzle solving and a group scavenger hunt, the couple had strategically erected their tent further away from the rest of their team, hoping to afford a little bit of privacy (and perhaps, a safe enough distance from Charles).  Following Jake’s exoneration, and the brand new addition of a shiny ring on Amy’s finger, a night away underneath the stars was exactly what they needed; and once everything was set up the two of them had wandered off into the woods for some time to themselves.

(Aka: totally disappearing into the surrounding trees and starting a makeout session that lasted longer than either had anticipated.)

(So much so, that the sun had almost completely set by the time they pulled away from each other, hastily returning each of their clothing to a suitable state before heading back.)

Intent on proving that the No Nookie Curse was only an amalgamation of Jake’s paranoid thoughts, Amy was determined to get back to the campsite and settle themselves into bed before anyone or anything could interrupt them.  Her plan involved waiting out the rest of the squad’s bedtime routines, before demonstrating to the love of her life that vacation sex was not only a) possible, it was also b) definitely happening.  

Whistling the last few bars of his song, Jake tightens his arm around Amy’s shoulder as a strong wind runs through the surrounding greenery - the fifth gust since they started walking back, all of them gaining in strength - already regretting not grabbing her scarf from their luggage earlier.  

“Just throwing it out there, babe?  Still on Team Outdoor Sex.  Sex in the woods sounds hella cool.  Daytime sex, though.  Now that the sun has clocked out, and the wind has clocked in, it’s actually kinda really cold.”

“Daytime outdoor sex does sound cool, if you disregard the bugs that will crawl all over you, the ticks that will suck on your blood and potentially give you Lyme disease … the bears that could come along at any second and attack us …”

“Really ramping up on the sexy talk there, Ames.”

Rolling her eyes, Amy squeezes Jake’s hand, linking their fingers together.  “All of these are things that would interrupt us, and while I’m still not saying that curses exist, I do think we should try to avoid any temptation for things to go wrong.”

“You’ve put a binder together about this, haven’t you?”

“Not a binder per se, but I’ve definitely done a decent amount of research.”  Stopping just shy of the clearing, Amy turns to face her fiancé, wrapping her arms around his waist.  “After all, this is the first time we’ve been able to get away since getting engaged.  A night away is just what we need, and I’m not letting a thing stop us from taking full advantage of this opportunity.”

Pushing herself up onto her tippy-toes, Amy pecks a quick kiss onto Jake’s lips, satisfyingly noticing their still swollen state from earlier activities.  “Besides, if the wind stays like this, I’m going to need something to help keep me warm, Peralta.”

“I’m sure I could think of something,” he mumbles in reply, leaning in for another chaste kiss and groaning when Amy pulls away, grabbing his hand and leading him back towards the camping ground. 

Quickly reverting back to their previous positioning - hand over shoulder, arm wrapped around waist - Amy is giggling at something that Jake has just whispered in her ear when Holt comes into sight, raising her free hand in a silent wave as they near him. 

“Peralta.  Santiago.  I’m thankful to have ended up on the same path as the two of you, as it was exactly your presence that I was seeking.”

Pushing a stray lock of hair out of her eye line, Amy nods.  “Jake and I went for a walk and must have lost track of the time, sir.”  From beside her, Jake subtly nudges his hip into her own, and she resists the urge to elbow him in the ribs.  “What did you need us for?  Do you need a hand with your tent?”

Wincing, Holt shakes his head slowly.  “Ahh, no.  Unfortunately, it would appear that your tent was not as securely fastened to the camping ground as previously suggested.”

Amy feels Jake’s hand slide down her back as it falls away - much like their hopes for the rest of the evening would soon do - and she looks over at her superior, confused.  “Captain?”

Turning, Holt points through the clearing towards the river, where in the fading light Amy and Jake can faintly make out the tip of their tent as it floats further away from solid ground.

Oh.

“The trouble with openings such as this, is that the prevailing weather meets very little resistance - and so as the wind has grown stronger we have all had to readjust our footings in regards to our own domiciles.  Regrettably, such distractions meant that the rapidly loosening fixtures on your tent went unnoticed by the squad.  Your lodging managed to catch the wind and set itself adrift on the water before anybody had a chance to attempt recovery.”

Running a hand down his face, Jake lets out a frustrated groan.  “Looks like we’re roughing it in the dirt tonight, babe.”

“Weren’t our sleeping bags in the tent as well?”  Amy responds, her face falling as Jake nods slowly.

Holt raises his hand, clearly intending to stop the couple from spiralling into total hopelessness.  “Fortunately, Kevin and I recently purchased a two room tent that has the ability to sleep ten people, which provides plenty of room for the two of us and Cheddar.  Provided you have an adequate amount of your allergy medication with you, Santiago, we can relocate him to our side of the canvas and offer you shelter for the evening.  Perhaps in the morning, we will be able to organise a retrieval of your now absent tent.”

Resting his hand on the small of Amy’s back, Jake nods once again.  “There’s a spare packet in our bags, which thankfully are still in the common area.”

“Very well.  Follow me, then.  Kevin has already begun making provisions for your stay, and I’m sure your earlier activities have left you eager for rest.”

Thankful, but also more than a little bit crushed that their plans had fallen apart so swiftly, Jake and Amy follow their captain through the campsite with fallen shoulders.  

Jake waits until Holt has passed through the mesh lining into their other ‘room’ before muttering low enough for only Amy’s ears to pick up - “The No Nookie Curse strikes again.”

And truthfully, Amy cannot come up with a single rebuttal - choosing instead to cup her fiancé’s face, and offer a soft kiss in commiseration.  Perhaps curses were real, after all.  

*

(seriously, how do those guys do it?)

Attempt Number 5:  Romance on the beach

“I’m telling you, Ames.  There has to be a secret propellor or something under there.  There just has to be.  I literally cannot think of any other way.”

Her shoulders shaking from all the laughter, Amy reaches out to rest her arms on either side of her husband’s neck and breaks her chuckle for a kiss.  “I know, babe.  You’re totally right.”

“I just … how else do they do it?”

Shaking her head, Amy breaks out into another round of laughter, keeping her grip tight so that Jake knows it isn’t directed at him (but rather, the situation at hand).

The Hamptons was their address for the next three days, the location of choice for Tony and his partner Luella’s upcoming wedding.  In true Peraltiago Vacation style, emergency renovations to the widespread home that all Santiago siblings were staying in had meant that they were short one room, and Jake and Amy had been the lucky couple to be allocated the sofa bed in the living room as their place of rest.  

(A fact that, once broken to them, had led to Jake coughing the word Cursed! under his breath, and in all honesty - this time Amy knew he was absolutely right.)

Fresh from their honeymoon (which, once their captain had left them in peace, had involved a lot of sex … amazingly mind-blowing, sometimes costumed sex - which only served to prove that the international waters clause of the curse still held strong), both of them had entered holiday mode with a renewed vigour to finally set things straight.  

Having a sunken living room, with a wraparound balcony looking down at them from above for a bedroom, led to Jake thinking creatively - pulling Amy towards the beach on the first evening, lifting her into his arms and running both of them straight into the ocean.

It was the stuff of fantasies: floating in the water with the one you heart adored, holding onto each other tightly as you make love, the waves lapping around you and the world disappearing for just a little while.  The kind of scene that every person has seen in a movie, or read in a book, and one that the newlyweds had actually intended to try on their honeymoon before realising that the beaches surrounding their hotel were rarely secluded enough for such activities.  

The reality, however, was vastly different - with the two quickly realising that the art of treading water, while clinging to each other and trying desperately not to drown, did not a sexy tryst make.  

It was mid-kiss that Jake finally broke away, sputtering out “Are the guys in all the movies secretly dolphins or something?”, all the while pushing frantic strokes through the water in an effort to stay afloat; causing Amy to burst into laughter - tears streaking down your face, ribs sore from all the shaking kind of laughter - clinging to her husband like a koala as he slowly walked them back towards the shore.  

Joining Amy in her mirth, Jake leads her over to the towels that he’d dumped on the sand earlier, spreading them out haphazardly and pulling his wife down to meet him.  “Okay, so now we know.  Sex in the water = not as easy as it looks.”

Thankful to have chosen a dress for their intended walk on the beach, Amy lifts the wet fabric from her thigh, squeezing out a small fountain of water as she gives Jake a sympathetic look.  “I’m sorry, babe.  It was definitely worth a shot - and bonus points for spontaneity.  Very hot.”

Jake’s hand comes to rest on her bared thigh, stroking her skin gently before leaning in for a kiss.  “It’s easy to find reasons for spontaneous sex, when you have a wife as hot as I do.”

“Mmm,” Amy moans into his mouth, abandoning the skirt and letting it fall back down with a splat.  The sand beneath the towel shifts as she digs her knees in; scrambling closer to Jake to deepen the kiss, knowing all too well that her horniness level was still sitting low on simmer.  

She breaks the kiss to nibble on Jake’s earlobe as his hand slides further up the dress, fingertips sliding over her butt, and Amy climbs onto his lap, lifting her hips slightly in silent invitation.  Her underwear slides down a moment later, lifting her knees and then her ankles until they’re being tucked into Jake’s pocket, and she takes advantage of the freedom by grinding down on his growing erection.  

Despite the cool sea water still dripping down her skin, Jake’s hands feel warm as he moves to caress her once more, palm digging into her derriere as he pulls her in for a heavy kiss, and suddenly Amy thinks she’s beginning to understand all the reasons why ‘sex on the beach’ is such a popular term.  

Jake’s fingers caress her folds shortly after, dipping one finger in before following with another, and it's everything Amy has been craving for, her husband’s lips leaving a trail of kisses along her jawline while she writhes on his lap.

It’s only as his hand pulls away, and her hips continue to sway closer to Jake’s body, that a whole other sensation begins to form.  Yanking her mouth away from the hickey she’d been creating on Jake’s neck, Amy presses a hand to his chest and whispers - “Jake!  The sand.”

“Mmm, yeah.  All soft and warm, it’s kinda hot.”

Shaking her head, Amy rears back further, only to let out a sharp cry.  “No, Jake!  I think the sand has gotten into … places.”

He blinks, shaking himself out of his makeout stupor.  “Wait.  Ames, are you okay?”

“My vagina is on fire, babe.”

Scrambling upwards, Jake reaches out to help Amy stand, wincing at her obvious discomfort.  “Do you want to go back into the water?”

Amy shakes her head quickly.  “I need a shower, pronto.  Oh god, I can feel all the little grains scraping.”

“Oh no, it would have been on my hands, and then I … I’m so sorry, Ames.”  Turning, Jake presents his back to her, bending lower.  “Here, jump up and I’ll carry you back to the house and straight into the shower.  I’m so sorry, babe."

His hands dig into her lower thigh as Amy rests her upper body against her husband’s back, pressing her forehead into his shoulder blade and letting out a groan.  “Okay universe, we get it!  The No Nookie curse is real!”

“It’s real and it sucks!”  Jake’s voice comes out in a huff as he rushes through the sand, grateful that they hadn’t strayed too far from the house.

“Ugh, why have people named a drink after this?!”

*

Part 2:

(and the 1 time they’re successful)

(I'm definitely seeing stars)

Jake’s grip on his wife’s hand holds strong as he leads her up to the highest point of the house, pausing at the base of the final set of stairs and gesturing for her to take the lead.  Amy gives him a curious look as she passes him, clearly intrigued, and he whispers a compliment directed at her butt (always a favourite) as they both begin their ascent.   

Holt and Kevin’s vow renewal ceremony was (finally!) taking place this coming weekend, and the squad - plus partners and children alike - had all convened earlier today at their allocated accommodation in the Berkshires.  

The house - like many in the surrounding neighbourhood - was larger than the precinct and all of their homes combined; stretching out into various wings and drawing the eye upward with it’s high ceilings and exposed stonework.  This time, Jake and Amy had gone to great lengths to ensure they were allocated their own room towards the opposite end of the home, large enough to accommodate a now eight months old Mac while also ensuring a modicum of privacy - a concept dearly treasured, after so many disastrous attempts.  

Exhausted after a full day of sticking to a rigid schedule of rehearsals and preparations alike, Jake had waited until they’d been able to lull their son to sleep in his travel cot before luring Amy into the hallway with the promise of a surprise; and he’s not entirely sure if it his proposal to her several years ago that finally got Amy on board with his surprises, or if it was just indicative of the trust he’d been able to earn - but either way, she follows eagerly with an excited grin.  

He hears the excited gasp that escapes her mouth as the door at the top swings open, the full extent of his plan coming to fruition as Amy moves further into the landing and turns to him with eyes that sparkled.  “Jake … this is amazing!”

Tucking both hands into his pockets, Jake puts on his best humble brag face as he joins his wife in the centre of the alcove.  “So I did a little research on this place before we got here, and as it turns out the owner/builder was a massive fan of stargazing.”  Nodding towards the low set walls that wrapped around the base, he turns to Amy with a proud grin.  “They’d built this landing solely for that purpose.  And tonight, it is our little hideaway.”

Amy’s eyes soften as she takes in the surrounding tea light candles, the blow-up mattress covered in blankets and pillows in the middle of it all, and the bottle of wine still chilling in a bucket of ice to the side.  “Wow, babe.  You really pulled out all the stops on this one.”

“One could say .. a whole binders worth of preparation.”

Her head swivels towards him, and he grins triumphantly.  “You made a binder for this?”  

“You haven’t even heard the best part.  The door we just went through is the only way in or out,  and I have the key right here in my pocket.  Rosa has stepped in to keep an eye on Mac, and has promised that she will only call if it’s an emergency.  She also seems to have figured out what we are doing up here, and appears to be equal parts impressed and disgusted.”

Amy nods, moving closer and resting her hands on either side of Jake’s neck.    

“Holt and Kevin are off with Laverne, Charles and Genevieve have taken Nikolaj camping half an hour away, and Terry and Sharon are exhausted from chasing after their kids all day.  Hitchcock and Scully had both an apple pie and a cake after dinner, so I can only assume that they’ve slipped into some sort of post-sugar high coma.”  Leaning in to press a soft kiss at the edge of Amy’s lips, Jake pulls away with a grin.  “What I’m saying, my darling, is that there is almost no chance of us getting interrupted.”

Moving closer still, Amy wraps both arms around Jake’s neck, carding her fingers through his slightly overgrown curls as she draws him in for a heart-pounding kiss.  “Looks like we’re kicking a certain curse’s butt tonight.”

Nodding, Jake initiates another kiss, waiting until he feels Amy melt completely in his arms before grazing his lips along the edge of her cheek, peppering tiny kisses in their wake.  “While I am definitely looking forward to breaking the curse, this is mainly just me wanting you to feel good, babe.”

“Mmm.  I’d say you’re on the right track.”

His teeth scrape lightly against her earlobe as he lets out a soft laugh, pulling their bodies closer together.  “You work so hard, Ames .. and you do so much for Mac and I.  You deserve to have a holiday, and really relax.”  Continuing the path paved earlier, Jake reaches the juncture of her neck and swipes his tongue against her warm skin.  “Let me make you feel good, babe.”

Amy lets out a moan, Jake’s hands wandering down the front of her jeans, cupping her centre through the fabric and rubbing with a slow rhythm; and he pulls away with a sly grin.  

“There is one tiny detail that we need to take into consideration, actually.”  Raising one hand, Jake gestures towards the open design of the landing.  “Out here it’s just you, me and the stars … and sound travels like crazy.”  He drops a tender kiss to her lips, leaving the intimation of both his and hers tendency to get a little loud during sex unspoken.  “In fact, you could even say it’s - ” leaning in, he flips into his Best Sexy Tone - “omnidirectional.”

“Oh, mama …”

“We’re going to have to try really hard to stay quiet, babe.”  Tightening his grip around her waist, Jake lowers his body slightly and Amy picks up on the queue, wrapping her legs around her husband as he moves them towards the blankets.  He lowers her carefully, shaking his head in wonder as she gazes back up at him: looking like some kind of heavenly creation amongst the mixture of candlelight and stars.  “I’m so in love with you, Amy Santiago.”

A soft blush creeps onto her cheeks, and Amy crooks her finger in a silent request for her husband’s presence, sinking her teeth into her lower lip as he covers her body with his own.  “I love you too, Jake.”  

Her hips tilt marginally upwards, rubbing her body against the fabric of Jake’s own jeans as she reaches for his fly, making quick work of the barriers as her hand slides inside to grip his rapidly growing erection.  Quick to follow suit, Jake pulls away from their embrace only to tug both his and Amy’s jeans off completely, casting both of their tops and underwear aside haphazardly and mentally congratulating his earlier decision to use battery-powered candles over real ones.  Setting fire to the highest point of a house is a great way to kill a mood - and ruin a wedding - and there wasn’t a single way that he was going to let the two of them be interrupted tonight.  

His erection rubs against Amy’s naked thigh as he covers her body once again, sweeping his hand over her curves as his hand heads directly to her centre.  He covers her mouth with his own while his fingers begin to explore, taking in the moisture they find and gently massaging just the way Amy loves.  Her hips sway beneath Jake’s torso, working with his deft touch as her hand moves to circle his cock, squeezing and pumping slowly … a familiar move that only made Jake last a full two minutes the last time she tried it.  

The two of them are straight-up moaning by now, rotating between messy kisses and heated breaths against shoulders and necks as they both work each other up with expert precision.  Contorting his back, Jake moves to sink his teeth into the edge of Amy’s right breast, desperate for a taste of her arousal but knowing all too well that if he moves too far away from her mouth, his wife will begin to really cry out, and the risk of exposure was just too great.   

Instead, he slides back up to press his lips against hers, the desire obvious as his bare crotch ruts against her own.  Amy’s responding moan is stuttered, her attempts to keep everything quiet obvious, and he grins.  

“You’re doing so well at staying quiet, Ames … god you’re so sexy.”  Tongue sweeping against hers, absorbing the moans that were gaining in intensity, Jake’s thumb rubs persistently at her clit, matching the tempo of her rotating wrist as they push each other closer and closer to the edge.

“Oh god Jake … fuck me.  Fuck me now, fuck me hard.”

Looping his elbow under one of her knees, Jake moves into position and enters Amy in a single thrust, feeling momentarily breathless as the warmth of her surrounds him completely.  Her other leg swings around to rest on his butt, holding him close as he pulls out and slams back in again, and truly, this has to be the closest thing to heaven.  

Pressing one hand into the base of the landing, Jake pushes down for leverage as he returns his right hand to Amy’s clit - resuming the circled patterns he’d initiated earlier - and Amy sinks her teeth into Jake’s shoulder as she comes with a muffled shout.  The feeling of her walls pulsing around his cock makes him descend into a state of almost madness, increasing the intensity of his thrusts until it’s all just pure instinct, chasing the euphoric high but nowhere near ready for any of this to end.  

Slipping her other leg from his grip, Amy digs her fingers into Jake’s shoulders as she rolls him onto his back, keeping their hips joined as much as possible to avoid any chance of disruption.  Her body is slick with sweat as she rises above him, planting her hands on his chest and looking down at her husband with a flushed and satisfied grin, rising and falling as she takes over Jake’s steady pace.  

“This is the best idea you’ve ever had,” she whispers, leaning down to circle her tongue over his nipples, sucking a love bite into his pec as she goes.  “Fuck, this feels so good.”  Rising again, Amy leans back until her hair is trailing down her spine, and the sight in front of him nearly pushes Jake over the edge completely.  

She looked so incredible like this, bare and open and clearly just letting her body take over as she swivels her hips into his thrusts, his cock glistening with her arousal as she slides up and down.  Jake has known, for a long time now, that there is nobody in the world that could ever be as beautiful as Amy Santiago, and tonight only serves to solidify his belief.  

There’s a bit more of a curve to her skin now, a soft swell to her belly that stands as proof of the their amazing son; and he knows that at times she feels self-conscious of the changes she cannot control, but he fell in love with Amy for a million reasons, and her body was only one of them.  His body has changed as well, after all; and probably will again over the course of the next fifty years, and there is nothing that will ever change the way they feel about each other.  

He tents his legs to a low degree behind her, offering support as his hands begin to cover every expanse of her body, thumbing the inverted arch of her breasts with reverence as they bounce against their joint movements.  Jake's not sure if he’ll ever win the lottery, but it’s clear that he’s already reached the jackpot right here in this moment, watching Amy hurtle ever closer to another orgasm.

It’s the faltered breaths and the occasional stilling of her hips that tells Jake that his wife is nearly there, and with gentle coaxing she falls forward again, mashing her lips against his as their chests press together.  Knowing that this is an angle that both of them enjoy, Jake digs his fingers into Amy’s butt as he lifts his hips off the ground, hammering into Amy as the steady motion presses her clit against his pelvis, whispering her name over and over as her fingers grip his hair by the roots.  Her body begins to shake, followed by a whisper of babe I’m close, and Jake pushes his body a degree or two higher.  

There’s a sharp sting against his skin as Amy comes, her mouth clamped over the edge of his shoulder as the need to scream is just too powerful, the vibrations of her moans reverberating into his intoxicated mind.  The sheer mixture of pleasure and pain is all Jake needs to let go completely, pouring himself inside his wife as calls out her name without suppression, and Amy’s hand clamps quickly over his mouth before the sound of his climax can travel too far.  

It takes a long while for either Jake or Amy to be able to speak, their bodies a jumble mess as they struggle to catch their breath, the silence only broken as Amy cranes her neck back towards the sky and gasps - “Wow, you really can see so many stars from here!”

From beside her Jake nods, still partially in a state of seeing stars of his own as his heart begins to return to a normal pace.  He lets out a gradual sigh as Amy shifts closer to him, curling her arm around his waist and tucking her head into his shoulder.  

Wrapping his left arm around her naked body (he’s not sure there’ll ever be a time when he will ever have enough of it), Jake raises his right hand for a high five.  “We did it, Ames.  We broke the curse.”

Amy’s responding laugh is loud, and probably carried over the grounds, but Jake doesn’t care at all anymore, and she meets his hand with a triumphant slap.  “Yeah we did!  Suck it, universe!”

His grip grows tighter, seizing the blanket with the tips of his fingers and sliding it over their skin before his wife has a chance to feel the coolness of the night’s sky.  He knows that they should probably head downstairs soon, sneak back into their bedroom and relieve Aunty Roro of her babysitting duties, but the afterglow of this moment feels too sweet to give away - Mac has been sleeping through the night for a solid two months now, and he knows that if anything had gone wrong they’d have known well before now.  

Amy’s lips ghost against his bicep as she lets her eyelids flutter close for a moment (a post-sex power nap often needed, rarely lasting longer than thirty minutes), and Jake smiles at the sight, letting her nestle in to his embrace as he gazes through the glass ceiling above them to watch the stars.  

He already knows that he won’t be able to find anything brighter than their future up there in the darkness, but for now, he’s content to watch the world pass them by for just a little bit longer.  

[newmusickarl]

Album & EP Recommendations

Album of the Week: Grapefruit Season by James Vincent McMorrow

“I’m trying to be less prepared” stated Irish singer-songwriter James Vincent McMorrow this past week at his Rough Trade Nottingham In-Store show. This was mentioned in the context of McMorrow telling the audience of his decision to “wing it” for his first gig back post-COVID lockdown, rather than intensely rehearsing as he would previously. It turns out this new laidback outlook on life has been key to McMorrow coping better with the anxiety he has dealt with his whole life, but also to unlocking the songs that are to be found on his fifth album, Grapefruit Season.

During the Nottingham show to which I was lucky enough to attend, McMorrow made a point to say that this new album, his first in four years, is the one for which he is most proud, as he felt it was him being as open, honest and care-free as possible with his audience of listeners. This is evident almost immediately on second track Gone, which feels like the tone-setter for the rest of the album, centred on a striking refrain of “I give less f*cks than I used to, still give a lot of f*cks.” Discussing the track with Broadway World last year, McMorrow said:

“Gone is about the disintegration of relationships. In my case, the disintegration of my relationship with myself. No song or lyric I’ve ever written has come as close to this one at capturing how I feel about life - how I hear it, my fear of it, my obsession with it, my belligerent belief that I can control it, my quiet acknowledgment in the middle of the night that I will never control a single thing. And there’s nothing wrong with any of it. There’s absolute beauty in embracing the chaos and the decay.”

This freedom and “embracing the chaos” attitude have clearly helped McMorrow to hit a new creative peak, with many of the tracks on this new collection some of the very best he’s written to date. From the soulful guitar grooves of Planes In The Sky, the string-tinged piano ballad Poison To You and the infectious downbeat pop melody of Hollywood & Vine, McMorrow is constantly found in fine form. However, arguably the album’s finest moment comes in the form of Headlights, a gloriously produced, synth-driven track, which also features some wonderful gospel-like vocals and bluesy guitars towards the back end of the track. It’s quite dazzling, much like almost every track here.

James Vincent McMorrow has always been an immensely talented songwriter, but thanks to his moment of personal enlightenment he is sounding better than ever on this latest album. With unfiltered, sincere lyrics and inventive sonic explorations, Grapefruit Season makes for quite the audio journey.

Listen here

Montero by Lil Nas X

Rapper-singer Lil Nas X seems to cause controversy through simply being unapologetically himself and as a result, his debut album Montero has been one of the most hotly anticipated pop albums of 2021.

Having burst onto the scene with his breakout single Old Town Road, Lil Nas X has since delivered several massive singles in the build-up to this debut, with each one accompanied by a cinematic or visually extravagant music video. The reaction to these by some narrow-minded folk has been that of shock and outrage, with people seemingly appalled and astounded by Nas X’s openness with his own sexuality. Off the back of the bold, tongue-in-cheek video for the title track, some even suggested the singer was actively promoting Satanism through his work. This is all of course nonsense and if they were to listen to his debut album with an open mind, they would find that Lil Nas X is just a pop star that is willing to be refreshingly honest and candid about who he is and what he wants from life.

Both introspective and confessional, Nas X proves across every track on this record that he’s not only capable of writing great pop music, but he’s also not in the least bit afraid of showing his vulnerability to the listener either. This can be seen on recent single Sun Goes Down, where Nas X offers insight to his struggles growing up and fitting in, conflicted by his complexion, his homosexuality, and finding himself lonely and isolated as a result. There are several quite tender moments like this, including the brilliant guitar-driven rock ballad Life After Salem, however they are evenly balanced out with more upbeat moments like horn-backed single Industry Baby. There’s also some pitch-perfect collaborations to be found here with Doja Cat, Megan Thee Stallion, Miley Cyrus and, most notably, Elton John, all lending their talents at appropriate moments.

However arguably the strongest moment comes when Nas X dips his toe into some pop punk for the album’s sort-of centrepiece, Lost In The Citadel. With some stylish production, heartfelt lyrics and a killer mix of guitars and synths, it’s just a mightily well-crafted pop song.

Overall, this is a star-making first outing for Nas X, who was already well on his way to global success before this record had even landed. However now he is well on his way and importantly with this debut, he has shown he is not just a flash in the pan but a truly great popstar in the making.

Listen here

Silence by Alexis Taylor

And finally this week, Hot Chip frontman Alexis Taylor released his quite stunning fourth solo album, Silence, a record that comes from the other end of the spectrum to that of his electronic outfit. Built entirely around Alexis’ soulful vocals, a piano and some well-placed, understated string arrangements, there is no dance to be found here but rather a beautiful collection of ambient ballads.

The pick of these is the title track itself as well as Violence, the latter of which offers one of the most haunting tracks I’ve heard all year. Ending quite unceremoniously with the gentle crashing of the Wollongong Waves, if you need something peaceful and reflective this week then I can’t recommend this album enough.

Listen here

Tracks of the Week

Let’s Get The Party Started by Tom Morello & Bring Me The Horizon

Kicking off the singles front this week is a rock collaboration of gargantuan proportions as Tom Morello of Rage Against The Machine teams up with Sheffield metal behemoths, Bring Me The Horizon. Built on goliath-sized riffs and an anthemic chorus, this one is a straight up rock banger that will have you moshing out in no time.

Listen here

U&ME by Alt-J

Elsewhere, Leeds-based trio Alt-J marked their return this week with the first single from their upcoming fourth album, The Dream, which is due to drop early next year. My initial thoughts are that this track feels a lot like more of the same, with Joe Newman’s quirky vocals backdropped by some folky harmonies and guitar melodies. It is not a dramatic comeback or shift in style, but fans of their sound will no doubt still enjoy this one.

Listen here

Hall of Mirrors by Let’s Eat Grandma

Also making their comeback this week are the brilliant duo of Rosa Walton and Jenny Hollingworth, otherwise known as Let’s Eat Grandma. Hall of Mirrors is their first new music since their phenomenal 2018 sophomore album I’m All Ears, and sees the duo shift away from their experimental electronica over to the dreamy synth-pop melodies that they first started introducing on that wonderful second album.

Listen here

Godsend by Sundara Karma

Also returning with new music this week are Reading-based indie outfit Sundara Karma, who continue with the pop experimentation they started on last year’s Kill Me EP. With a heartbreaking chorus and some soaring instrumentation, it’s a comeback that’s both immensely moving but also quite triumphant.

Listen here

Earthlings by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Nick Cave & Warren Ellis have also announced a new B-Sides & Rarities album this week. Due for release in October, it pulls together all their best lost gems from 2006 to 2020, including this stunning off-cut from Ghosteen that features gentle tribal chanting over some truly transcendent synths.

Listen here

FAKE by Lola Young

Singer-songwriter Lola Young continues to be one of my favourite discoveries of the year so far, with this new single seeing her channel the late-great Amy Winehouse for this soulful and bluesy ballad. If you’ve not heard Lola sing yet, just check this one out and I guarantee you’ll be blown away.

Listen here

I’m Sorry by Josef Salvat

Australian singer-songwriter Josef Salvat also released his brilliant new single I’m Sorry this week, a pulsating synth-driven track with a wonderful neon-glow and 80s-style pop shimmer.

Listen here

Set You Free by Kyla La Grange

And finally this week, Kyla La Grange made her long-awaited return to the music world, releasing this absolutely amazing and completely unique cover of the N-Trance classic, Set You Free. Also comes accompanied with a typically artistic and colourful video from La Grange, which you should find the time to check out.

Listen here

[sambergscott]

i'll promise that i'll love you for the rest of my life

one giving the other flowers, as requested by @rosalitadiazz AGES ago, also dedicated to @397bartonstreet for the initial idea of amy sleeping in/just being the best and @nine-niall for helping with the marriage highlight reel.... and for making me listen to heartbreak weather on repeat for the last few days and coming up with this title

happy anniversary to jake and amy!!! (also since the ep aired 2 years ago today i'm not *technically* late thank u very much)

One million, fifty one thousand and two hundred minutes after marrying Amy Santiago (or, two years), every moment is as wonderful as day one. He still feels the same rush of excitement when he sees her waiting by their car at the end of a shift, the same swell of pride when she introduces him to someone as her husband, the same “oh my god we’re actually married” moment when he catches her rings glinting in the sunlight. It’s been the best one million, fifty one thousand and two hundred minutes of his life. And while he appreciates every single second they have together, knowing how in their line of work things can change all too easy, their second anniversary presents the perfect opportunity to remind her that everyday he gets to be with someone as amazing as her is crazy to him.

He has flowers, a handmade card, he even hoovered and she’s still asleep.

She never sleeps this late.

Everyone knows she’s the morning person in their relationship and he’s the Get Out Of Bed After Snoozing The Alarm Seventeen Times person. They live together, share a car, and yet most mornings he ends up riding the Subway, squashed between an old woman and a nerdy looking guy who smells like he hasn’t showered in a week, Amy rolling her eyes when he gets to work mid-briefing. The rare days she can get him out of bed early usually involve some kind of bribery using food and/or sex.

The point is, he’s supposed to be the one sleeping in past 11 AM, but ever since their doctor prescribed Clomid to help stimulate ovulation and boost their chances of making a baby, their roles have been totally reversed like Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday.

Pregnant Amy falls asleep anywhere and everywhere. The couch, the car, the cleaning cupboard at work when she was trying to find some Nuclear-strength cleaner to remove the stench of Charles’ lunch from the air before she hurled again.

She could sleep all day if he let her and he quite easily could. She looks so peaceful and cute and free from the stresses of her family asking why they waited so long (well, long for Santiago standards) to start a family. Plus, the messy hair and tiny bit of drool on her chin are impossibly endearing in the way only she can be.

He smiles and wraps his arms around her, resting his head on his shoulder, his hands - like his thoughts - drifting to her growing bump as they inevitably always do.

This time next year they’ll be celebrating with their little boy or girl, telling them all about the insane, magical day that was May 15th 2018. Of course, it might be some time before they can fully grasp the TV-worthy drama of the creepy phone call, the bomb in the vent, the ex-boyfriend proposing - twice! - and the wall of Amy photos, but they will sure as dammit know how beautiful their mom looked in her dress and how happy their dad was when Grandpa Holt finally announced them as husband and wife.

“Can’t breathe,” his wife squeaks, finally awake. “Arms too tight.”

“Oops. Sorry, babe.” He kisses her by way of apology; sometimes when he gets to thinking about that day, about seeing her walk down the shredded paper aisle under the glow of fairy lights, surrounded by the very people who watched them fall in love, he kind of forgets where he is and what he’s doing.

She’s always had that intoxicating effect on him. That’s never gonna change.

“Time is it?” She yawns, stretching her arms above her head.

“Twenty five to,” he pauses to brace himself for her reaction, “...twelve.”

“Twelve?” Horrified, she moves to get out of bed and yeah, he knows her so well. “Let me go,” she huffs in frustration when he forms a barrier to keep her from leaving.

“No can do, Santiago,” he says authoritatively. “You’ve been working yourself to the bone and you’re pregnant. You need to rest. We’ve both got the day off, our dinner reservations aren’t until 8. Just let your husband take care of you for a couple of hours.”

She chews on her lower lip, making her contemplative face that he recognises from sitting opposite her for so many years, preferring watching her piece together the leads in a case rather than work on his own. “Fine,” she eventually concedes. “Happy anniversary, by the way.”

“Happy anniversary,” he returns the sentiment, kissing her again because, well, he can, one of the perks of marrying Amy Santiago (alongside a perfectly organised sock drawer and getting to hang out with the best person in the world 24 sevs). “I got you these,” he adds, procuring the daffodil bouquet he found online.

“Jake,” she sighs dreamily, placing the flowers on her nightstand. “They’re beautiful. And my favourites.”

“I know,” he smirks. He may not be Santiago level smart, but he’s smart when it comes to all things Santiago. “Also made you this.” He hands over the card.

She opens it, instantly tearing up at his sweet message inside, the dam bursting when she notices the scrawled message written with his wrong hand from their unborn baby. “Mine sucks in comparison,” she laments, passing him his card before locking her eyes back on the words ‘happy anniversary to the world’s best mama’.

“It does not suck,” he reassures her, clutching it to his chest. “I’m going to savour it for all times. I want to be buried with it.”

She rolls her eyes, drying her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I thought you wanted to be buried with your original copy of Die Hard.”

“OK, Die Hard and your card. Rhymes for a reason, Ames.”

“You’re such a dork,” she responds, stifling her laughter. “Can’t believe I’ve been married to you for two full years.”

“I know.” He grins. “What was your favourite part?”

Her eyes glimmer with excitement and love and memories of their first anniversary before things turned upside down. “Are you suggesting we do a marriage highlight reel à la NBA inside stuff?”

“That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. I’ll go first. NUMBER FIVE,” he yells in his spot on Ahmad Rashad impression, earning a giggle from his wife. “Number five is that dress you wore on my birthday. Your butt looked the bomb in it.”

“Thanks, babe.” Two years in, she’s used to the constant “your butt is the bomb” comments, often uttered at the most inappropriate of times like when she stands up to brief the squad or play soccer with her brothers, much to her chagrin and their delight.

“Number four,” she quickly moves on. “The time you taught me to play Mario Party and I beat Wario on the first try.”

“That was my worst moment,” he groans.

“And that’s why it’s my best.”

He sighs, considers debating it, engaging in the classic back-and-forth that is the very foundation of their relationship, but it’s moot. She was way better than him. Santiago’s learn fast. It’s in their genes or something. And despite the crushing disappointment when she beat Wario with ease and dork danced her way to the kitchen to grab them both an orange soda, it was still a very fun night and a worthy moment in the highlight reel.

“Number Three. The York murder.”

Immediate understanding spreads across Amy’s face, but he explains anyway.

“I spent three days working that case and you just came in, saw the board and solved it right away.”

“I’m very smart,” she jokes lightheartedly.

“You are,” he agrees, his voice coming out softer and sincerer than even he imagined. “I love that about you. I love your brain. I love how good you are at your job, at figuring out puzzles. I love that you listen to NPR and know so much about the font Helvetica and have read, like, a million books. I love that you do a crossword every night and I love how proud you look when you give me a sports clue and I actually get it right. I love cheering you on at Trivia Nights even when Kylie can’t stop glaring at me. How lucky am I to have the smartest wife in the world?”

Touched, she can barely compile her thoughts to reveal her Number Two.

“The night at Shaw’s, at Hitchcock’s second divorce party, your speech, the way you kissed me, the way you were so gentle when we got home,” she sniffles. “It was special and made me feel so loved and if I say anymore I’m going to cry again, so you go.”

He chuckles knowingly. The pregnancy hormones have been making her extra emotional lately, they can’t even watch commercials anymore without her fully weeping. And while last year Pam and her twisted bowels interrupted before they could get to Number One, this year Number One is obvious. Clear as day. And there’s no one to interrupt.

He pretends to think about it for a minute (because he will always love teasing her, married or not). Only when she grabs his arm and digs her nails into his skin does he put both their hands on her bump and smiles. “Obviously this little guy or gal is Number One.”

She smiles back at him, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

His own face falls. “Ames?”

“It’s been a hard year, hasn’t it?” She sighs, thinking back to calendars and fertility appointments and the strict no nacho policy.

“Yeah,” he says, “it has. But this next year is gonna be the best one yet.”

“I mean... We’re probably not going to sleep a lot.”

“You might not sleep a lot but I sure will,” he teases, his words falling flat. “Just kidding, babe. Obviously I’m going to get up for all the feeds and diaper changes and whatever else this kid throws at us. Gonna be there for you both. No matter what.”

The pregnancy hormones strike again and she starts crying and, honestly, he can’t wait for this baby to get out, for more reasons than one.

“BRB, I’ll go make your favourite breakfast to make you feel better, don’t grow anymore body parts while I’m gone.”

He returns seven minutes later with pancakes, a ton of fruit, decaf coffee and another kiss. He climbs back into bed, devours his own Nutella pancakes and posts his favourite blurry, drunk on Champagne and love selfie from their makeshift wedding reception at Shaw’s, on Insta with a caption about how he promises he’s gonna love her for the rest of his life.

And he keeps that promise.

[ootori-sibs]

Kyoya's second shot

Episode three: Return of the bully

"What are you doing here?"

"I'd like to request Tamaki."

The twins paused, sharing a glance before looking at the girl once more. "You're blacklisted, remember?"

"No I'm not." She crossed her arms, looked like he'd have to step in.

Kyoya was at the twins side almost instantly, book in hand. "She was blacklisted last year yes, but this year she's done no wrong. You remember Tamaki's philosophy don't you?" He glances down at the twins, watching them frown and shrug, wandering around.

"The boss is weird, we don't trust her." They left to return to their post, disagreeing but conceding.

Kyoya looks down at Seika, his gaze crueller then she could ever manage. "Just tell him your banishment has expired, he'd be happy to welcome you back."

"Using Tamaki's philosophies against him?" She raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you a manipulative little homo~."

"Our agreement shall not be spoken of here, keep to yourself, princess." Kyoya gives a fake bow, gesturing towards Tamaki's table. "Have fun."

She approached Tamaki's table, Kyoya sighed and went to sit down, staring at the numbers on the screen. He glanced around for a moment before taking out his phone.

Shadow king: Eclair, have you spoken to that woman yet?

Woman: No, I've been busy. I don't see why I should talk to her when you're not even dating Rene yet.

Child: Who?

Woman: You'd know him as Tamaki.

Child: ah

Shadow king: It won't take that long, and convincing that dreadful woman will.

Woman: Ugh, at least get some progress done before you start hounding me you bitch.

Bitchboy: Speaking of which, my article is ready to print.

Shadow king: Send me a PDF.

An email arrived in Kyoya's inbox, with a link to a pdf file. He opened it, scanning down the page with a critical eye, opening a seperate application in order to edit it. No basic spell check, at least this fool knew how to spell and use grammar. But Kyoya did need to edit out most parts that painted gays in a bad light, making the story focus more on Haruhi and Renge and less on the fact that they're both women. He even attached an image of the duo holding hands, knowing full well that holding hands can often be platonic, but the girls at this school are basic, and will do anything to believe a scandal. He sent an email back, with the new link, and sent a message to the chat.

Shadow king: Post it.

At lunch, Haruhi complained that her new phone had none of her photos, she was sad to have lost all those memories. Kyoya had to sympathise with her there, he'd sort of assumed she used the cloud. Then her complaints changed when she realised her lunch box was missing from her bag- it had been stolen. As expected, Tamaki instantly rushed to her side, promising to buy her lunch for today, and she agreed, apologising as they left the club room. Huh. Tamaki didn't ask Kyoya to join today…

But it was ok, he was alone now. He made his way to Tamaki's bag, it contained two cards, Tamaki's own money, and the club's budget. Kyoya had the details memorised of course, that wasn't why he needed it. He quickly snuck over, and slipped the card into Haruhi's wallet, next to her own. He smiled cruelly, ready to play his part. He'd spent all night thinking about what he would actually do in that situation, so he's more than prepared for his starring role. Of course he'd prefer to not have the starring role, but he is the one who's in charge of finances, he has to react like he actually would.

He sits back down at the table, he needs a reason to ask for the card… he looks on his laptop, finding a little cafe in town that sold custom food platters, entirely customizable… oh, Tamaki did suggest a commoner food theme, maybe a customized platter for each host would be a good idea, and he and Tamaki could even go in person. Oh it was all coming together now! Kyoya had wanted to try some new makeup things, he'd mostly been doing the same face every day, it wasn't exactly catching any eyes by the second week. He should do something special for their day out.

Kyoya was practically bouncing in his chair, clicking his pen as fast as possible when he heard the door quick, scrambling to look busy, and normal. The other hosts entered the room, getting to their seats and doing the usual finishing touches to their appearances before the door opened. Kyoya watches Tamaki comb his hair carefully, his hair almost sparkling in the light. He called over to the king, "Tamaki! Get over here, I want to show you something."

Tamaki hurried over, leaning over Kyoya's shoulder. "What is it mon ami?" He looked at the screen, then glancing to Kyoya. Kyoya smiles softly, switching his window to the website of the little commoner store he'd found.

"Remember when you mentioned that commoner food theme? We could get customised platters for each host?" He suggested the idea, looking at Tamaki closely for his reaction. Tamaki's face lit up, clearly finding the idea a good one.

"Ooh that's perfect! Weldone Kyoya!" He pats Kyoya on the head gently, condescending but oh did it make Kyoya feel actually proud. Funny how that works. "We can all go! A club day out!" Ah. Kyoya's moment of joy evaporated at the king's words, he definitely didn't want that… but Tamaki seemed to notice how Kyoya defeated, looking at him in slight worry. "Is something wrong?"

"Well…" he started, sighing when he realised how stupid it sounded, "I'm sorry Tamaki, I was under the impression we would go alone, it does seem like a more behind the scenes type action as opposed to something we want everyone there for." He wasn't sure exactly what he was saying, he just definitely didn't want to spend time with all the hosts outside of school, that would almost definitely overwhelm him.

Luckily, Tamaki seemed to understand, he smiled, nodding. "Oh of course! It's been so long since I've spent some good quality time with my bestest friend in the entire world." He chuckles and hugs Kyoya, pressing his cheek against Kyoya's face. Said shadow king's face was heating up, feeling a pit drop at the word friend, but feeling still proud to be Tamaki's favourite person, he can ignore Haruhi's existence for a second for bliss.

"If we're going in person," Kyoya began, knowing exactly what his lines were, "you should probably get the club credit card out of wherever you've hidden it." He looked up at Tamaki, watching the recognition spark on the king's face.

"Oh! It's just in my bag, I never take it out." He hurried over, searching through his bag, Kyoya's phone had vibrated so he checked it.

Bitchboy: We're having trouble with the printer, it should be fixed by tomorrow?

Shadow king: Alright, post it tomorrow then.

He looked back over at Tamaki, smiling when he saw the colour drain from the monarch's face. "It's gone!" This caused all the other hosts to look over at him, he looked around at all of them in turn. "The club's card! The one with access to all the club funds! It's gone missing!"

Time for Kyoya's starring roll, his eyes widened, and he spun around in his seat as fast as he could. "What do you mean it's missing? How idiotic to you have to be to loose the club's money!?" His words, or at least the way he'd said them, seemed to spark panic in the other hosts, if Kyoya was worried then surely they should be too.

"Where did you last have it??"

"Doesn't Kyo-chan handle the money?"

"Did you check again?"

Words from the hosts echoed around the room, everyone was sent into a bit of a tizzy. Only shutting up when Mori speaks, quietly, but speaking nonetheless. "Calm down, check your bags and pockets, it may have been dropped and picked up by someone else." Oh, he was a voice of reason, when he managed to find that voice. Kyoya might be head over heels for Tamaki but he can't help but admit that that voice makes him a little weak at the knees.

The hosts do as he tells them to, searching through bags and pockets, Kyoya does so only to keep suspicion away from himself. He was listening for it, he knew it was coming, "oh…" and there it was. He glanced over, to see Haruhi holding the little card, and looking extremely confused. Kyoya got to his feet and was by her side in an instant, plucking the card from her fingers, face contorting into a look of disgust, one he'd cleverly practiced all night.

"So you're a thief now too?" His voice was cruel, and if any of the hosts weren't looking before, they were now. Haruhi looked up at her, eyes widening by the second. "I know you live in squalor but please, don't take us for fools."

"Wh- what?? Senpai, you know I wouldn't do that! I'm not a thief!" Clear panic on her face as she glanced around, realising that Kyoya's word ranked above her own. Kyoya knew this too, but he also knew the other hosts adored Haruhi completely, so time to take a better tone.

His voice sunk into sounding hurt, he was in charge of the money of course, but he was still a friend. "Haruhi please, you don't have to lie to us. You know if you needed money, you could have asked Tamaki, he'd be more than willing- as would most of the others." He glanced to the side, the others were nodding, Tamaki looked hurt as he rushed to her side.

"Are you ok Haruhi?? Is anyone threatening you into paying them money? If you're having troubles we can help you! We would always help you!!" He clasped her hands in his own, eye full of sadness and pity.

"Senpai… I really don't know how the card got into my bag I promise, I wouldn't steal from you guys…" She looked slightly annoyed, but it was clear there was panic behind her eyes. Kyoya was about to say something more, put another nail in her coffin- when the twins spoke up.

"Maybe it was princess Ayanokoji, she loves to bully Haruhi." They spoke in unison, frowning, hands tilted just a little. They weren't wrong, they just didn't quite get it, they were close though, and that scared Kyoya.

"Oh yes," Tamaki stood up, his pondering clear, "she recently told me her blacklisting had expired…" He looked at Kyoya, with eyes that unwittingly make the shadow king's hands shake, "was that something we wrote into the rulebook?"

Kyoya swallowed dryly, nodding once. "Yes," he gestured vaguely, "you said something about redemption and growth whilst we were discussing the club back in the planning stage, so I wrote it into the rules. I'm surprised you don't remember." Yes, that was a good idea, put the spotlight on Tamaki, what kind of a king doesn't remember his own rules.

The twins spoke again, "there's a rulebook?" They frowned at Kyoya, ugh, idiots.

"I gave everyone a copy when you first joined, the big binded file? With the colour coded ribbon?" It was true that he had given everyone a rulebook, and he was quite insulted they couldn't remember, he'd spent a whole week on those.

"Oooh," Hikaru began, a look of recognition on both faces as Kaoru finished, "yeah we threw that out." Kyoya was incredibly angry at that, but simply turned to go and sit down, clicking his pen in a more negative manner, he couldn't lose his temper, he couldn't lose his cool. Not right now.

14:25 - the card was found in Haruhi's wallet, the twins saved her. They don't care one bit for any effort I had put into the rule book, it seems my efforts are an expectation for them.

"That wasn't a very nice thing for you to do, Kyoya had worked hard on those rulebooks. I watched him bind those folders himself, there was glue everywhere!" He could hear Tamaki scold the twins for him, feeling a little better for all Tamaki cared.

"I never got a rulebook when I joined senpai?" Haruhi spoke, clearly sounding slightly shaken.

"Oh!" Tamaki exclaimed, clicking his fingers, he didn't even need to say anything else, Kyoya knew what to do.

"...I'll send you a pdf." He said flatly, going through his google drive, he was going to have to make an edit or two…

Halfway through the session, a sound was heard. Kyoya glanced over to see Tamaki coughing and spluttering, from what little he heard, it seemed Haruhi had put salt in his coffee, or rather Seika had switched the sugar for salt, he knew this was true by her smirk as she watched Tamaki scold Haruhi for being so out of it today. To Kyoya's surprise, Haruhi actually sounded stressed out when she responded. When the session ended she didn't stay behind to help clear up, she just grabbed her bag and hurried off to class.

Tamaki sighed, "I'm worried about her… she's so out of it, I wonder if she's feeling alright."

"She got caught stealing," Kyoya began, not meeting the king's eyes, "only got saved by the twins, got scolded for screwing up something as simple as coffee and didn't even bother to help clear up? Sounds to me like she's trying to spite you for something."

Tamaki paused, looking at Kyoya in clear interest, Kyoya refused to let Tamaki peer behind the curtain like he had so often done. "Are you mad at her? Do you really think that?" Oh great, he'd done it. Once again, Kyoya was angry at this man being able to see straight through him.

"Well, she did try and steal our hard earned funds, you can forgive me for being on edge." It wasn't a question, he wasn't asking to be forgiven, and Tamaki knew that. But Tamaki didn't care, he just sighed. Kyoya didn't stop, "it seems to be like there's something else on her mind, something opposing you." He didn't want to mention Renge, cause he feared that might lead Tamaki to realise he had something to do with the upcoming news.

Tamaki frowned, looking genuinely worried, "she has been distant lately…" Oh, and there was the sound of Kyoya's heart breaking, as much as this was his goal, he hated seeing his love in pain. He sighed, putting his laptop down, throwing his own pain away.

"Hey, I'm sure it's fine Tamaki, even if she is hurting you, you are so far above her, it's only natural she'd seek to lash out." He smiles softly, taking Tamaki's hand in his own. "You've got nothing to fear."

"So… you're saying she's lashing out because she feels inferior?" Tamaki tilted his head slightly, looking confused, Kyoya sighed, sure, that was close enough, he nodded. Tamaki frowned, "oh… she shouldn't, I should think of something to cheer her up. Perhaps I'll take her on a date this weekend!"

"Not before our day out?" Kyoya frowned, hating the outcome of this situation, becoming confused when Tamaki chuckled.

"Oh of course not Kyoya, don't worry." The king smiled, reaching up and ruffling Kyoya's hair. "I missed spending time with you, even if you can be a little demanding at times."

Kyoya had to chuckle at that, feeling reassured that Tamaki was still going to prioritize him. "You're one to talk, remember when we first met?" He didn't even need to elaborate to have Tamaki laughing, knowing full of what Kyoya had referred to.

There wasn't a hosting session at the end of the day, there'd been too many accidents that Tamaki had decided to hold an impromptu meeting. Haruhi was late, so where the twins but that was irrelevant. Kyoya frowned as she walked in, crossing her arms. "A thief and a truant? Are you planning on playing the delinquent this year?"

"Shut the hell up Kyoya!" Hikaru snapped at him, causing Kyoya to all but squeak in alarm, he hadn't been expecting resistance. "She's being bullied if you hadn't noticed, and your stupid comments aren't fucking helping!" Kyoya glanced around the table, it seemed he'd gone a little far, but no one cared about what he'd said, in fact he was being completely ignored in favour of their precious Haruhi being bullied.

"You're being bullied??" Tamaki stood, looking so very worried. "What happened?"

Haruhi didn't say anything in response, choosing only to sigh. It was Kaoru who spoke up, "someone spray painted on the window outside the classroom, essentially calling her a gay whore."

"Oh ouch." Wait shit, did he say that outloud? The other hosts were looking at him, at least they'd stopped ignoring him?

"Yeah…" Kaoru began, letting Hikaru finish, "we stayed with her to talk to the teacher."

Haruhi went to sit down, burying her face in her hands. "I just want to go home and take a nap…" God, Kyoya hadn't expected to feel for her, but Ayanokoji had gone way too far, this was disgusting.

Shadow king: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??

A GAY WH*RE? DID YOU REALLY FUCKING CALL HER A GAY WH*RE?

Child: cranky cause you're also a gay whore aren't you?

Shadow king: You're like 13 shut the fuck up.

Woman#2: You told me to make her life hell, that's what I did.

"It's ok Haruhi, you can leave if you want…" Tamaki started, frowning, eyes full of sadness. But he paused, looking down at Kyoya, "who are you texting?" Uh oh.

Kyoya spoke plainly, not letting the other's see his eyes behind his glasses. "I'm putting Seika Ayanokoji back onto the blacklist, at least until she proves it wasn't her." He pauses, noticing how Tamaki appears to approve. "I will also have a talk with her about why she was removed from the blacklist, and how she can get back off of it."

"Hm, good idea Kyoya." Tamaki nods in approval before turning back to Haruhi and going to hold her, she lets him for once, but doesn't reciprocate.

Shadow king: I've put you back on the blacklist for the time being, the hosts are on to you.

Woman#2: But our agreement???

Shadow king: Is only valid if you're actually useful.

So try being useful.

Everything but the graffiti was alright.

And don't forget the school has cameras.

Woman#2: Don't be such a baby.

Shadow king: Don't be so insolent.

He sighed, leaning back in his chair. Tamaki glanced at him, clearly on edge, and Kyoya decides this silence is too unbearable to stand. "Well, I think this meeting has been enlightening. But I'm sure we're all tired, so, Tamaki?" He didn't have the power to dismiss the hosts, but he had the power to ask Tamaki to do so.

And who was Tamaki to refuse him? The king nodded, sighing and curling a lock of Haruhi's hair in his fingers. "Of course, you're all dismissed, you may leave if you wish."

Most of the hosts got up and left, mumbling condolences to Haruhi as they did so. Kyoya began slowly packing his stuff away, he could feel Haruhi's eyes were on him. He didn't feel shame, only pity. He stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder. He glanced down at Haruhi, "I hope you have a better day tomorrow," he spoke curtly, almost mocking her in a roundabout way, but genuinely meaning that, the news story won't affect her nearly as much as the graffiti, and at least she'd get a reprieve.

Shadow king: Before I forget, don't go after her tomorrow, the article will be enough.

Woman#2: So much for making her life hell, you coward.

[ladyherenya]

Books read in September

I had a moment of intense self-centredness and, internally, wailed: Why isn’t the world filled with more books that appeal exactly to me??? 

I’ve concluded that it’s like I have an inner story-troll sitting inside me shouting: Tell me a story! I try to appease it by presenting it with books, one at a time, and seeing how it reacts. 

Favourite cover: Flyaway.

Reread: The Shadowy Horses by Susanna Kearsley. (I also reread From All False Doctrine at least twice.)

Also read: The Disastrous Début of Agatha Tremain by Stephanie Burgis and Snow Day by Andrea K Höst.

Still reading: The Time-Traveling Popcorn Ball by Aster Glenn Gray and The Game of Kings by Dorothy Dunnett,

Next up: I have borrowed The Other Side of the Sky by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner, Taking Down Evelyn Tait by Poppy Nwosu, and Between Silk and Cyanide: A Code Maker’s War, 1941-45 by Leo Marks. And maybe I’ll finally get around to The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams?

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The City of Brass by S.A. Chakroborty (narrated by Soneela Nankani): I think this Middle East-inspired fantasy was just not the story I was in the headspace for -- it was longer, with more complicated worldbuilding and fewer answers. Possibly I’d have followed the political intrigue of Daevabad better had I read this in one gulp (I got halfway through the 20-hour-long audiobook before it was due back and I read other books before picking up the ebook). I liked the two protagonists, enough that I’m curious about what happens to them next, but the second book is 23 hours long and undoubtedly won’t resolve everything either. Maybe another day.

Tuyo by Rachel Neumeier: Ryo is left as a “tuyo” -- a sacrifice to be killed by an enemy -- as a sign that his tribe will withdraw from the Ugaro’s war with the Lau. But his captor doesn’t want to kill him, he wants Ryo to help him stop the war. Neumeier effectively creates tension between people who are polite, honest and honourable, and shows an intriguing relationship, defined by mutual respect, fealty and something more familial. There’s also some unusual magically-defying-physics-as-we-know-it worldbuilding but apparently I was far more interested in the character dynamics. I enjoyed this. Sequel, please?

From All False Doctrine by Alice Degan: My favourite book this year! Toronto, August 1925. Elsa Nordqvist, who hopes to write her MA thesis on a recently-discovered Greek manuscript, is at the beach with a friend when they meet two foster-brothers. This meeting deftly sets up everything which follows. The cover says “A Love Story” but this is also like a cross between a Golden-Age mystery novel and a fairytale retelling, with bonus academia and Anglicanism. I really like how much these characters value their friendships, their lively, intelligent and often honest conversations, and the way the romance unfolds. It also feels like a story written just for me and a hard one to review because my reaction has been very personal.

The Haunting of Tram Car 015 by P. Djèlí Clark (narrated by Julian Thomas): Set in the same city as A Dead Djinn in Cairo, this novella follows two agents from the Ministry of Alchemy, Enchantments and Supernatural Entities as they investigate a possessed tram car. The world-building is vivid and cleverly, thoughtfully, imaginative. But, perhaps because of the mood I’m in and because this story isn’t interested in exploring the personal lives of its detectives, I have no feelings about this.

The Angel of Crows by Katherine Addison: Sherlock Holmes wingfic involving Jack the Ripper murders. Not what I’m looking for in a Holmes retelling. But I was sufficiently intrigued by something the author wrote. I really like Crow and Dr Doyle (arguably more than their original counterparts). My interest wavered a bit during the second half. It closely mimics the style and structure of the original mysteries in many ways and that’s not my favourite style. I wanted fewer cases to solve, and more of Crow and Doyle interactions. I liked the ending, enough to be glad that I hadn’t given up halfway through.

Making Friends with Alice Dyson by Poppy Nsowu: Australian YA. Alice plans to spend her final year of high school staying invisible and studying hard, but is thrown into the spotlight after someone posts a video of her dancing with Teddy Taualai. I loved how intensely this captures Alice’s emotions and perspective, and how the story explores that people have different emotions, perspectives and needs. Alice seems to me like someone who might be on the autism spectrum -- and whether or not that’s what the author intended, it’s great to see characters like her represented. I wish it had unpacked her relationship with her parents more, but that didn’t negate how much I enjoyed this. 

Always and Forever, Lara Jean by Jenny Han (narrated by Laura Knight Keating): I can’t remember why, after I read To all the boys I’ve loved before and P.S. I still love you in 2017, I decided against reading the third book. It turned out to be my favourite. I loved it! I had a different experience of finishing high school and applying for university, but I find Lara Jean’s perspective intensely relatable: she has strong opinions about aesthetics; she’s nostalgic, introspective, stressed by uncertainty; she enjoys spending time at home with her family. I liked how this book captures her wonder at the intimacy of knowing another person well, and how, although she sometimes worries about their future, she has very few doubts about Peter himself. I haven’t come across very many YA novels in which a teenage girl is so secure being in a relationship. 

The Rose Garden by Susanna Kearsley:  After her sister dies, Eva stays with family friends in Cornwall, where she and Katrina spent summers years ago. I wasn’t expecting time-travel. I like time-travel stories, and I like how Kearsley handles it here. Eva’s choices make sense, given her situation, and the story emphasises that, even though she cannot control when she travels in time, there are still many choices she can actively make. So Eva becomes fascinated with 1715, because of the people she meets there and the relationships they develop... but I wanted to spend more time in the present-day Trelowarth, with its rose gardens and new tea room.

Flyaway by Kathleen Jennings: After she receives a mysterious note, nineteen year old Bettina flouts her mother’s rules for ladylike behaviour and embarks on a roadtrip with a couple of forgotten friends in search of her brothers, who disappeared three years ago. I loved some of the descriptions, especially seeing a rural Australian setting for this sort of fantasy. Jennings creates a wonderfully eerie atmosphere and the mystery kept me reading. However, the folktale parts of the story are dark, uncomfortably so. Very successfully Gothic, just ultimately not really my brand of Gothic.

The Duke Who Didn’t by Courtney Milan: There’s something so incredibly soft about this romance -- yet at the same time, it’s about two people who work fiercely towards their goals, worry about things, and are acutely aware of the discrimination they and other they love face as Chinese people in late 19th century England. Chloe and Jeremy’s relationship is characterised by banter and gentle teasing that reveals just well they know and accept and care about each other. Moreover, they have friends and relatives -- and a community -- who are supportive. I really enjoyed reading this and appreciated how low-angst it is.

The Threefold Tie by Aster Glenn Gray: Very tender. The characters convinced me that they were capable of communicating honesty with each other and making an unconventional relationship work. I liked the prose, which is no great surprise. 

Hamster Princess: Whiskerella by Ursula Vernon (aka T. Kingfisher): This time, adventure finds Harriet at home: her parents are throwing a masked ball so she can “meet some nice young princes without terrifying them”. But the princes are all preoccupied with a beautiful stranger, and Harriet is distracted by the mystery: who is this hamster, how did she get in without an invitation and what sort of magic is behind her glass slippers?  I think this is my favourite of Harriet’s adventures (so far). I loved the humour in this one.

Echo North by Joanna Ruth Meyer: When Echo finds her missing father unconscious and half-frozen in the woods, she is given a choice by the white wolf. A retelling of “East of the Sun, West of the Moon” with elements from “Beauty and the Beast” and “Tam Lin” thrown in, this has so many things which appeal to me, including an unexpected and wonderful library. Yet I found it frustrating and slow; the prose and the characters are rather straightforward, and I predicted nearly all the twists (bar the finale). But I believe that this tale could delight a younger, or a less critical reader.

The Disastrous Début of Agatha Tremain by Stephanie Burgis: In the two years since she turned sixteen and dismissed her governess, Agatha has been free to disregard ladylike behaviour, studying the books in her father’s library and teach herself magic. But then her aunt arrives and insists upon Agatha making a social début. This novelette is another story that I suspect I’d like more if it had been longer, if some of its ideas had been expanded upon and some of the relationships been given more space to develop. Agatha’s aunt and her motivations were unexpected, and I wasn’t entirely comfortable or satisfied with how that was resolved.

Snow Day by Andrea K. Höst: This novelette takes place after the Touchstone trilogy, more specifically after In Arcadia. Two outsiders get to see Cass and her family on Snow Day, and reveal a bit about their upbringing on Kolar.  This feels very much like fanfiction which just happens to be written by the author. It is fun to see familiar characters through others’ eyes and the expanded worldbuilding is interesting, but as a narrative, it seemed somewhat incomplete. (Maybe she’s planning something more with these characters?)