#also bonus point in my head i’m imagining like. what if the crew does die?? and they didn’t have enough for quota

[comixandco]

concept: take your kid to work day but you work for The Company

[momowho34]

Time for another naruto au post that so long and complicated it might aswell be a fic in and of itself. Why am I like this :,) Naruto au where Itachi runs away from the village with Sasuke in tow and doesn’t leave him behind. Also Itachi is a little older then a teenager because it makes more sense. Buckle up this is a long one.

Itachi refuses to kill his family and runs to warn them but when he gets there everybody’s dead except for Sasuke, (who witnessed the whole thiNG OOPSY-) so he takes him and runs for their lives.

Itachi joins the akatsuki but uhhhhh now there’s a four year old tagging along and Itachi’s too scary for anybody to mention it.

Imagine the fluff and angst potential with the akatsuki oooooof there’s so much omg

At first they all think it’s super annoying but within like two days they would all gladly die for this kid. Seriously they were pretty sure their hearts were made of stone at this point but apparently not.

Kisame is surprisingly really good with kids, partly because he appears fairly calm on the outside without being too standoffish so Sasuke likes him best. Also Kisame could happily play peek-a-boo for the rest of his life he likes the small things

Kakazu is awful with kids but sasuke likes him anyway and he hates it (not really) Hidan.... really doesn’t know what to do. He’s never cared about another person in his life, okay? He kind of wants to kill the small child but he knows Itachi would steal his fucking knee caps and bury him at the bottom of the ocean so he doesn’t even mention it ever

Sasori is the mom when Itachi isn’t around. They would all feed him candy until he fucking died if Sasori didn’t stop that. Sasori is also the one to go “oh my GOD Deidara you can’t dare him to climb that mountain he could fall and hit his head no I don’t care about that deidaRA HE IS SEVEN YEARS OLD ITACHI IS GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN HE GETS HOME MARK MY WORDS—“

Tobi likes to blame all of his mistakes on Sasuke as a joke. Also they all teach Sasuke bits of their fighting styles so he becomes even more formidable and all of them are kind of freaked out by how quickly he masters their techniques

When he’s too young to tag along on missions he has to stay with Konan and Pain. He really values Konan because she’s really the only one of them who treats him like a person instead of a stupid child that needs protection.

“He costs too much,” Kakazu says. “He shouldn’t be here, what about how much it costs for him to stay with us” all while consistently finding room in the budget to get the kid anything and everything even though he’s fairly low maintenance to take care of

When Itachi arrives, everybody tries to disregard the rumors paired with Sasuke being there. Because of Itachi’s overall demeanor and Sasuke’s refusal to talk about it, they assume that he killed his family but didn’t kill his little brother for some reason

...And then Sasuke starts having nightmares. Like loud, screaming and crying in the middle of the night nightmares. Every time it happens, Itachi wakes up, calm and collected, and holds him until he falls asleep again. They all start having doubts about Itachi really killing his family.

Itachi doesn’t really hold a grudge against Konoha, but he didn’t see the whole family die like Sasuke did. Sasuke wants revenge, and he’s dead set on it.

Okay yeah but what abt the actual plot and stuff??? Don’t worry I’m there.

So a while later after that during Naruto’s three year journey (which he still takes with Jiraiya because he needs training to fight Orochimaru who is still a big threat btw) he meets this weird black haired kid staying at the same hotel he is.

Turns out they’ve both got caretakers who are absent (Jiraiya’s at a brothel somewhere and Kisame and Itachi are off killing some guy) which sucks so they bond over that and compare abilities and beat the shit out of eachother a little and develop a mini rival complex all of that but then

“Wow you’re so cool! You fight just like a ninja! You should come back with me!” Naruto laughs one day. Sasuke asks “Back to where?” And Naruto’s like “back to the leaf village of course! I’m a leaf village ninja, I’m out here training with my sensei! I forgot that I left my headband in the room, I can show it to you.” But Sasuke just gets really pale and runs off and Naruto doesn’t see him for the rest of the trip.

He thought he’d never see him again but then Sasuke gets separated from the Akatsuki members reeeaaaallly far away from their base and Konoha. As he’s trying to figure out what to do, a certain ninja crew happens to be in town. Naruto is like “omfg I know this kid!!!!!!!! Hey Sasuke!!!!! Hey Sasukeeeee!!!!!”

Sasuke is like o-o but then he starts to consider his options. If anybody figures out about his sharingan, he’s straight up fucked. His eyes are gone, he probably gets murdered. Naruto is like “what r u doing here????” And sasuke spins a fairly convincing story

He’s like “oh yeah and I know my way around this place so I can help you out could I maybe seek asylum in your village maybe??? I could be helpful” just so he can head in the general direction of Konoha and hopefully get closer to his base along the way.

So Kakashi begrudgingly agrees and Sasuke tries not to burn alive because he’s in the general proximity of leaf soldiers that he fucking hates and he will not grow attached to any of them at all no siree, not at all, no way!

Sasuke begins to grow close to them, of course. Sai and Sasuke do goth shenanigans and he fights with Naruto and tries to get Sakura to leave him alone (what is up with her why is she being so weird?)

Oh bonus angst: Tobi used to talk in his sleep sometimes, and at some point Sasuke drops “those who break the rules are scum, but those who leave their friends behind are worse then scum” casually and Kakashi almost has a full blown panic attack.

This is when he first realizes something is seriously up with this kid; and his first name sounds... familiar. His suspicions are just suspicions until they run into Orochimaru. Now Orochimaru could just out Sasuke as akatsuki, instead he plays with his feelings a little bit. He keeps saying things like “how does it feel to fight on the same side as your enemies for once?” And “have you forgotten already?” They defeat him without Sasuke revealing his sharingan but the jig is up in Kakashi’s mind.

Kakashi doesn’t quite connect the dots; but he’s almost there. Whoever this kid is, they’re coming back to the village for sure. It’s the safest thing to do. Meanwhile the Akatsuki are freaking out. Itachi is unhinged and almost grieving, they have no idea where Sasuke could be. The team is out in full force; including Tobi

And you know, Obito doesn’t care. He shouldn’t care, nothing matters in this false reality. It just doesn’t. Tobi might have given a shit about Sasuke, but Tobi isn’t real. He’s just a front, Tobi doesn’t exist. So why is he looking so hard for this stupid kid that he shouldn’t give a shit about? Obito convinces himself it’s just a front, it’s just part of Tobi’s act, but it’s not. What’s happening to him? Why is starting to feel things now, so deep into the plan?

Annnnnndddd that’s as far as I got with it lmao. That’s still pretty fucking far tho

[geekgirles]

Rock! Branch AU

Headcanons:

So I was personally inspired to do this after seeing @emilybandicoot1234 's fanart of it some time ago. Although, admittedly, it was just a matter of time before AUs like this starting popping up. So I enlisted my good ol friend @foxlanaeshrek , like, "Hey, Shrek! Wanna come up with headcanons for a Rock!Branch Broppy AU?! :D", and, of course, because she's an angel who puts up with me, she said yes. Thank you, darling. Love u.

And, finally today, thanks to @pinkglitterings ' latest drawing, I decided it was high time I wrote down what we came up with. Don't worry, we thought of this a long time ago, so there won't be any spoilers besides what's been featured in trailers.

So here it is:

Branch is 100% Rock Troll. He was born as a Rock Troll, in Volcano Rock City, from Rock Troll parents.

Because there's no way we'd ever let his genius go to waste, he's an important member of Barb's crew. Either the head of her Engineering Department, or her army's captain. Whatever it is, the boy is important for the plot.

And because he's one of her more trustworthy men, Barb orders him to deliver her message to the Pop Trolls.

So he's there, in the outskirts of Troll Village, waiting to seize the perfect opportunity to shoot an arrow with the message that'll, hopefully, make those rainbow nerds stop singing. If you can call that singing.

But as he waits, he spots this divine creature. Her skin the most beautiful shade of pink, resembling that of dawn. Her ridiculously perfect face covered in countless glittery freckles, shinier than the stars in the night sky. Her eyes the most inviting pool he's ever seen. And her smile... Oh, dear God, her smile... He is convinced he's never seen anything more breathtaking in his entire life.

Aaaaaand that's when he spots her crown.

Shoot!

She's the Pop Queen!

Shoot!

He still hasn't delivered the message!

Fuck!

He's been drooling over the QUEEN of the rainbow nerds!

So he shoots the arrow and makes a run for it.

Of course, after his first encounter with Poppy Branch is trying to convince himself that it was a fluke. There's absolutely no way he's caught feelings for the Queen of the Pop Trolls. No way.

Except he has.

And it certainly doesn't help that Queen Barb has ordered him to tail her and her group as they try warning the other tribes of the Rock Trolls' plans.

It also doesn't help that a) EVERYTHING Poppy does is utterly adorable, and b) (because this simply must be canon in all universes) Branch is pretty much a goner the moment she loses it and tries to strangle someone with her hair (bonus points if it's someone Branch doesn't particularly like!).

Yes, angry, homicidal Poppy is 100% Branch's kink in any known universe. Sorry, I don't make the rules!

As much as Branch's mind is telling him that his mission is to capture Poppy, his heart just can't bring himself to. So the moment Poppy is ultimately captured, his heart sort of breaks in two.

Thankfully, no one's noticed his shameful crush on the Pop Queen, so Barb still assigns him to guard over her before her plan can truly begin.

He does everything in his power to be professional for once ever since he's first met the pink goddess he's supposed to watch over, but fails miserably.

One way or another, they start talking. Then, the talking becomes shameless flirting, like their usual banter, so it doesn't really arise suspicion. Certainly not from Poppy. And because he just can't keep his goddamned mouth shut, before he can stop himself, Branch ends up reciting her poetry. Those darned verses about how perfect she is that've been playing on his mind on repeat ever since he first laid his eyes on her.

Of course, Poppy's like, "What?"

And Branch is like, "What?!"

And he panics. Not only because he finally realises he's been shamelessly flirting with the prisoner, but because he's recited POETRY to her! And Rock Trolls consider poetry to be extremely shameful. Something so corny only weaklings would do it! So Branch had been hiding his talents for years. And now he's shared them! With his enemy! Oh, she's sure gonna make a mockery of him!!

Except she doesn't.

No. Instead, she gives him the sweetest smile, her eyes shimmering more than ever, and tells him, in the most velvety voice imaginable, "Wow... That was beautiful... Thank you, Branch. Your eyes are mesmerising, too."

Oooooookay. He's officially smitten. He's besotted. The boy's 100% in love with a pop troll and 200% willing to die for her. That's it.

Dating Rock! Branch and Pop! Poppy headcanons:

After they end up together, Branch gets a tattoo of Poppy.

It could be anything!

The classic arrowed heart with her name in it.

Her smiling face.

Verses either of his poems of her, True Colours, or Perfect For Me...

And as for where he'd have it... I'm a tattooed arm kinda girl, while @foxlanaeshrek suggests he wears it on his chest. And I have also received requests that he wears it either in his ear or... his butt (and the person who came up with this knows I'm talking about them xD).

Shrek also came up with a wonderful idea: Branch tries serenading Poppy with love songs... Rock love songs... (I will never give up my headcanon that they sing I Was Made For Loving You by KISS. EVER)

Needless to say, Poppy's shocked at first, but being a certified sucker for romance, it doesn't take long for her to swoon at her boyfriend's beautiful voice 😍😍😍

After starting to date Poppy, Branch works super hard to keep his reputation as a hardcore, edgy lone wolf intact. And for the most part, it works! ...But as soon as Poppy so much as touches or kisses him (cheek, lips, temples... you name it), he immediately melts. A little bit of affection and he becomes putty in her hands.

That's all for now! Thoughts?

[sparrow-flies-south]

I Can’t Decide (Whether You Should Live Or Die) Chapter 2

Title: I Can’t Decide (Whether You Should Live Or Die) Pairings: Romantic Thomceit Warnings: Talk of attempted murder, imagining murdering someone, references to child abuse Summary: Deceit is one of the best assassins in the business. So assassinating Thomas Sanders should not be difficult - except Thomas seems to have the amazing ability to happen to escape from death.And the longer it takes Deceit to kill Thomas, the less sure he is that he even wants to.

My Masterpost   Read on AO3  Part one  Fic tag

Deceit scowls down at his coffee.

He’s in the Starbucks, trying to regroup after last night’s disaster, while also avoiding the glances from the baristas. Who’s Ethan Gold? He’s Dante Ekans, a man who has never worked at Starbucks in his life.

It’s close to noon, and he’s not sure if Thomas will show up today. So this is, ostensibly, a recon mission; he’s observing Thomas’ schedule to see if it’s changed.

The shop door opens. Deceit catches a glimpse of the familiar jacket before quickly turning his head away. He can still watch out of the corner of his eye as Thomas lines up at the counter. Trying to kill Thomas with coffee had been a good idea. It wouldn’t work now, of course, since Thomas would recognise him if he tried to be a barista.

Maybe Thomas would take his eyes of his drink for a moment. Deceit could dream.

The chair across from his is pulled out, and Thomas sit down in front of him, no drink in his hand.

“Uh, hey,” Thomas says.

“Thomas,” Deceit greets. He pushes his drink across the table. “Care to try it?”

Thomas pulls a face. “Is it poisoned?”

Deceit just smiles, and Thomas gingerly pushes the drink back to the centre of the table.

“Uh, no thanks,” he says. “So, uh, you’re an assassin? How’s that going?”

“Considering you’re still alive, not great.”

“Right.” Thomas falters, clearly uncertain as to what to say. Deceit decides to take pity on him.

“Do you make a habit of talking to everyone who tries to kill you?” Deceit asks.

“Surprisingly, you’re the first person who’s tried,” Thomas says, with a small smile that implies that he’s joking. He hesitates, face growing serious again, and then asks, “Why are you trying to kill me?”

“I’m an assassin,” Deceit repeats. “I kill people for money.”

Thomas goes pale. “So someone else is paying you to kill me? Why?”

Deceit shrugs. When it comes to the agency, he doesn’t ask questions.

Thomas leans back and runs his hands through his hair. “Okay, that’s – pretty fucking terrifying. I make YouTube videos, why would somebody want me dead?”

“Take it as a compliment,” Deceit advised. “It means someone is thinking about you.”

“Okay, that’s actually not comforting at all.”

Well, in his defence, no one has ever expected Deceit to be comforting. Deceit picks up his drink and finishes it, making eye contact with Thomas the whole time. Thomas shakes his head, but there’s a hint of a smile on his face.

Deceit stands up. “The coffee here is mostly safe to drink,” he tells Thomas. “Though avoid getting it from the girl with pink hair.”

Thomas pulls a face, and Deceit sweeps out of the coffee shop. It’s too conspicuous for any murder attempts to take place there at the moment. He’ll just have to kill Thomas tomorrow.

*

The next day, Thomas goes grocery shopping.

Deceit knows this because he follows him. It’s a surprisingly dangerous place, Walmart; anything could happen to you there. Not that Deceit is actually planning for anything to happen to Thomas. He’s found making plans in general unusually difficult lately.

But, well, if the opportunity arises…

Deceit ducks into the pasta aisle before Thomas can see him, and pretends to inspect the fussili. It’s a very interesting pasta, after all.

After waiting a couple of minute for Thomas to move on, Deceit turns to leave back up the aisle. Unfortunately Thomas, as it turns out, has not actually moved very far, because he’s coming down the pasta aisle. Both of them freeze, and then Thomas lifts a hand and waves.

Deceit strolls over, trying to look as if he’d known Thomas would be here the whole time.

“Hey, Mr Assassin Man,” Thomas says. He frowns. “Huh, I just realised that I don’t know your name.”

“Call me Deceit.”

“You know what, sure,” Thomas says. “So, uh, are you going to kill me?”

“It’s not like it’s my job or anything,” Deceit says, and Thomas tenses, hands tightening around the shopping cart. “Oh, wonderful idea, I should absolutely murder you in the middle of Walmart, where anyone could see. You really are a natural at this, Thomas.”

“Alright, alright,” Thomas says, rolling his eyes. “But if you’re not planning on killing me, why are you here?”

“Why, I’d have thought that was obvious. I’m lurking, of course.”

“Lurking, huh?” Thomas actually looks amused.

“And scheming, but don’t tell anyone.”

“Wow, you’re a multitasker,” Thomas says. “Did they teach you that in assassin school?”

Deceit very much does not flinch or tense at that, because that would be a sign of weakness. Thomas’ face just falls for a completely unrelated reason. Most people in the agency know about Deceit’s childhood – they all went through some form of the same training, after all, even if Deceit started younger. Some of them even remember him as a child.

So no one had ever asked about his past- not Deceit, anyway. They might ask Ethan, the barista, or Dante, the charming business man, and Deceit had stories prepared for all of them. No one had ever wanted to know more about Deceit, though.

“Sorry,” Thomas said. “Shitty joke?”

“Actually, I was top in my class at lurking,” Deceit says, as if nothing had happened, and Thomas actually looks relieved.

“Guess it’s an important skill to know,” Thomas says.

Deceit hums in agreement. Thomas grabs a couple of packs and pasta and throws them into the cart, and begins to move down the aisle. Deceit follows without thinking about it. It just feels natural.

The next two aisles pass mostly in silence, other than when Deceit tells Thomas to get a different brand of cheese (it’s far better than the one Thomas was reaching for), or when Thomas makes a pun bad enough that Deceit groans and cover his face with one hand (which has the bonus effect of hiding his laughter). In the snacks aisle, Thomas goads Deceit into buy a pack of fruit roll-ups for himself.

“Hey,” Thomas says when they’re in line for the checkout. “It’s just me you want to kill, right?”

“For now,” Deceit says. “I’m hardly old enough to retire after this.”

“That’s not what I meant. Though it’d be good if you did- never mind. What about Virgil?”

“What about him?” Deceit asks.

“He saw you,” Thomas points out. “What are you doing to do to him?”

Deceit hesitates. It wouldn’t be a hard decision, ordinarily. Virgil either has to die, or else be framed for Thomas’ death, so that anything he might have to say will be dismissed as the desperate attempts of a murderer to avoid justice. Killing him is the easiest option – while Deceit prefers to avoid collateral damage, there are times when it’s necessary.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Deceit admits, because while it shouldn’t be a hard decision, it is.

He can imagine Thomas’ reaction to hearing his thoughts. The way Thomas would go pale and scared, how he’d look at Deceit as if Deceit was the monster lurking in the darkness. How he’d start begging for Virgil’s life again.

It doesn’t matter how Thomas feels about any of this, since Thomas will be dead in a few days anyway.

They reach the front of the line, then, and so can’t say anything else. Thomas pays for the fruit roll-ups before Deceit can even try to pay for them himself.

“See you tomorrow?” Thomas asks with a smile as they walk towards the exit, only half joking. Deceit nods.

He’ll just have to kill Thomas then.

*

The crew working on the house renovation near Thomas’ house received a convenient call reporting a gas leak, and so work on it had to be put on hold until further notice. It means that Deceit has an excellent place to go to while figuring out how he’s going to kill Thomas.

Perhaps he could tamper with Thomas’ stove so it blows up the next time he tries to cook with it – except, no, he’s seen inside Thomas’ kitchen. There’s no way Thomas and Virgil actually ever use it. Also, he’d need to figure out a way to get Virgil out of the house for it to happen.

“Deceit?” Someone calls from downstairs.

Deceit creeps down to the first floor. The house is shadowed from the lack of power, and he’s familiar enough with it to be able to move around unseen, even though it’s daytime. Thomas is in the entry way, holding two takeout cups from Starbucks. Thomas slips out a side window, and then circles round to the front of the house, so that he’s standing behind Thomas.

“Yes?” he asks, and Thomas jumps and spins round, splashing coffee over his hands.

Thomas curses, and almost drops the coffee, so Deceit darts forward and grabs the cups. Thomas shakes his hand through the air.

“Thanks,” Thomas says. “Actually, no, no thanks. That was your fault! Why did you do that?”

“It’s important to stay alert,” Deceit replies. “Especially when there are assassin’s after you.”

“There’s only one assassin after me, and apparently his preferred method is giving me a heart attack,” Thomas mutters. He wipes his hand on his shirt and then takes on of the cups. When Deceit offers him the other one, he shakes his head. “That one’s yours. Promise it isn’t poisoned.”

Deceit raises an eyebrow and takes a sip. Caramel frappe, nice. “Actually, I have been slowly taking poisons my entire life to develop an immunity.”

“I have no idea if you’re kidding or not.”

That’s how Deceit likes it. He leads the way upstairs, and Thomas follows without hesitation. Deceit leads them to the balcony. Thomas sits down on the floor, and Deceit does so too.

“What are you doing here?” Deceit asks.

Thomas holds up the coffee cup in answer.

“I meant at this house,” Deceit corrects.

Thomas laughs. “Funny story. I wanted to get you coffee, then realised I don’t know where to find you. Anyway, I remembered the time a brick almost fell on me, and, well, I made a guess.”

“By wandering into an abandoned building?” Deceit tsks. “Come one, Thomas, surely you have a better sense of self-preservation than that.”

“Well, I’m having coffee with the guy that wants to kill me, so apparently not,” Thomas jokes.

Thomas lifts the cup to his mouth and drinks. Deceit watches the way his lips press against the rim, then quickly looks back down at his own cup. They’re sitting close together; if Deceit moves wrong they might brush against each other by accident.

“Did you know,” Deceit says, running a finger around the rim of his cup, “That I tried to kill you with coffee once?”

“You did?” Thomas asks. “I didn’t catch that one.”

“It was my first attempt,” Deceit says. “I put peanuts in it.”

Thomas pulls a face. “That- would probably do it, yep. How come it didn’t work?”

“It appears you have a doppelganger?”

“That time my order got mixed up?” Thomas guesses, and Deceit nods. Thomas snorts. “Wait, you gave the poisoned coffee to the wrong guy?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You’re the one who brought it up!”

“Not. Talking about it.”

“Alright, fine.” Thomas raises his hands in surrender, laughing. “How many times did you try, anyway?”

“Three – no, four,” Deceit says. “You should probably get your car looked at, by the way.”

“Noted,” Thomas says, grimacing. “And I very much do not want to know, by the way.”

“Noted,” Deceit echoes, smiling.

He lets his attention drift to the street below them. Two women are walking down it, hand in hand. On the side closest to the house, a teenager walks by, staring down at his phone. Deceit wonders if Thomas knows them, if he waves to them when he sees them. Whether they will notice when Thomas is gone.

“Hey, Deceit?” Thomas asks, and when Deceit looks over, he’s staring down at his lap, fingers tapping against the side of his cup. “Can I ask a favour?”

“What is it?” Deceit asks cautiously.

“When you, uh, when you kill me,” Thomas starts, voice going unsteady. “Could you- let Virgil go, maybe?”

Deceit looks away. Something in his chest is twisting uncomfortably at this conversation.

“Virgil’s a good guy,” Thomas continues. “And- whatever I’ve done to piss someone off so much, it has nothing to do with him.”

“I’ll consider it,” Deceit says, the closest thing to a promise that he can give.

Thomas swipes at his eyes. Deceit stares at the floor; he can offer Thomas this much privacy, at least.

“So,” Thomas says, still with a slight tremor in his voice. “Do you watch Avatar?”

Deceit hasn’t, which leads Thomas to explain all the many reason why Deceit really should watch Avatar. This then leads to an argument over what the best cartoon is (Deceit is greatly disadvantaged, as he only has knowledge of the cartoons he saw before the age), and Thomas explains in great detail the intricacies of Gravity Falls.

Deceit will just have to kill Thomas tomorrow.

*

Except, as it turns out, tomorrow isn’t soon enough.

Deceit’s phone – the one that belong to him, not any of his aliases – rings only once before he answers. He knows the importance of a prompt response.

“Deceit,” the Dragon says the moment he picks up. “What is the issue?”

“There is no issue,” Deceit answers. He considers saying something else, but the Dragon speaks first.

“It’s been a week, and Thomas Sanders is still alive. What is the reason for this delay?”

Deceit goes still, even though the Dragon can’t see him through the phone. He’d know, of course, that he has a job to do, that he’s on a time limit. And yet, he’d still allowed himself to forget, just for a few minutes. If the Dragon suspects the real cause – that Thomas knows about Deceit and yet is still alive, that Deceit has been fraternising with him – then Deceit will be punished, will be brought back in line, and Thomas will be killed.

Killed by an assassin who doesn’t care about him, who might even enjoy killing, enjoy the feeling of having someone at the mercy. Who might want to make it last.

And if Virgil tries to stop them, or even if he just sees, he’ll be killed as well, even though Thomas asked Deceit to let Virgil do.

He’s barely aware of answering the Dragon, or travelling across town, but somehow he ends up in front of Thomas’ house anyway. He lets himself in through the back again – the locks have been changed, but they haven’t been changed well.

Someone is on the sofa and Deceit freezes until he is sure they are asleep. It’s Virgil, with his laptop open in front of him, the screen gone dark. As Deceit passes, he can see how exhausted Virgil look; Deceit can imagine he’s been staying up since the night of the break in.

He climbs the stairs without making a sound. The lights under both doors are dark, and Deceit slips silently into Thomas’ room. Thomas is sprawled across his bed, asleep. Deceit steps further inside, closing the door behind him softly.

He can smother Thomas with a pillow, the way he’d planned, or slit his throat, or strangle him in his sleep. Could poison the food in the kitchen, or start a fire and make it so that Thomas can’t get out. Instead he says, “Thomas.”

Thomas startles awake, looking around the room frantically.

“Deceit?” he hisses, reaching for the bedside lamp and clicking it on. When the room is lit up, Deceit can see the fear on Thomas’ face.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Deceit snaps.

“What?” Thomas looks bewildered.

“Twenty years,” Deceit says, and he really shouldn’t be talking but he can’t stop. “I’ve done this for twenty years, I’m good at this, one of the best, and yet somehow you keep escaping. Even though I was only given this job because there was nothing else for me to do.”

“Deceit,” Thomas says.

“Shut up,” Deceit snaps. “Just- stop talking.”

Thomas falls silent. Deceit paces around the room, one hand pulling at his hair.

“It’s okay.” Thomas’ voice is shaking, his whole body is shaking, and in the dim light of lamp, Deceit can see tears spill down Thomas’ face.

“You have to kill me,” Thomas says. “I get it. I’m not happy about it, but-” he trails off, and then just adds, “It’ll be okay.”

And now Deceit has no excuse, because Thomas if just going to let him, has already convinced himself that is what a good person would do. And Deceit really wishes he could be proud of managing to do that.

But all he can do is stand there, and he realises that he can’t kill Thomas. Realises that he’s know this for a while.

It’s terrifying. Ever since he was nine, Deceit’s life has revolved around his job. Without it, there’s nothing left of him, and to keep it, he needs to kill Thomas.

“Deceit?” Thomas asks, leaning forwards, frowning and looking concerned, and that’s how Deceit realises that he’s shaking, that his lungs don’t seem to be working properly because he can’t breathe.

Thomas grabs Deceit’s arm, and Deceit finds himself being pulled down onto the bed.

“Come on,” Thomas says, incredibly gentle. “Breathe in for four, okay? One, two, three, four. Good. Now hold for seven.”

Deceit has seen enough panic attacks to be able to recognise one. He follows Thomas’ instructions until his chest loosen just a little.

“I don’t want to pry or anything,” Thomas says, “But- are you okay?”

Deceit doesn’t have an answer to that. But he’s not going to kill Thomas today, and if he isn’t going to do that, then he shouldn’t be here. He gets to his feet, and stumbles towards the door. A hand tightens around his wrist before he makes it, and when he looks Thomas is there, out of his bed.

“Wait,” Thomas says. “Don’t go. Just-”

Deceit places his hand over Thomas’. Thomas’ eyes are wide, are terrified, which doesn’t make any sense because Deceit is leaving.

“My name is Janus,” he says, and then he flicks his wrist, and sends Thomas to the ground.

He flees out of Virgil’s window, so there’s no chance of Thomas catching up to him, and disappears into the night.

He doesn’t plan on coming back.

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 17

Ah, right. We left off with Ross being arrested for Hughes’ murder. And something tells me that the Goths having a member who can literally walk right into Central undetected, to say nothing of the Fuhrer himself being a Goth, means that the deck’s stacked against her.

Yup, Ross is in an interrogation room, a scowling MP just dropped a deformed bullet onto the table. The very one that killed Brigadier General Hughes. Ok, so what if it’s the same caliber as her pistol? This is the military, everyone’s gonna have the same firearm. What about the ballistic fingerprinting? Fire a round from her gun, and see if it matches with the killing round. Unless the Goths stole her gun for the murder and then returned it… Oh! Well that’s pretty damning - a requisition form for a single bullet. But that shot was fired to defend Ed… at the “unmanned” Fifth Laboratory that’s now a pile of rubble. An eyewitness? Bleh, that’s right, they would have seen Ross (or Gracia, but I’m assuming Envy switched back to Ross afterwards) leaving the scene. But who saw her? Paperwork that she fired one bullet around the time of the shooting, an eyewitness saw (someone looking like) her leaving the murder scene, and her only defense is family testimony that she wasn’t there that day. Yikes. Ok ok, she doesn’t have a good alibi, but what about motive? Why would Ross of all people want to kill Hughes? Explain that, copper! Outside, Armstrong’s been turned away from seeing Ross while she’s being questioned. And then Brosh comes running up. Ouch. He’s confirming Ross’ story, saying he fired a single round at the Fifth Laboratory too, but everyone’s ignoring his report. Armstrong wonders if the Conspiracy is trying to frame Ross for the murder. Episode 17 - “Cold Flame” Winry’s still looking sad, cleaning Al’s armor and remarking how up close she can see all sorts of dings and scratches. Al’s brrrrr, sorry, bit silly and creepy at the same time to see headless Al just calmly polishing his helmet. All Al can do is give a weak chuckle at the comment. Aw, why must my babies be upset? Winry asks Ed what their next move is. Ed doesn’t know. [Flashback!Elicia]: “Mommy… please don’t cry.” NO. BAD SHOW. VERY BAD SHOW. Ed asks what Winry thinks. The mechanic is surprised that Ed’s actually asking her for advice. Damnit, stop being melancholy, show. I don’t want to listen to Winry’s voice shake as she talks about the brother’s digging up dangerous information that could get them killed. [Winry]: “I mean, you could die… I’d still be here, and you’d just suddenly not be there anymore. Like my mom and dad.” GUH. Would you quit it, show? Stop being so Leto-damn depressing! So to sum up, Winry’s torn between supporting their goal to get their bodies back, but also wanting them safe and alive. In the end, she really doesn’t know what they should do. THANK you, Al! Little bro teases Winry about how nice she’s being, lightens the mood at the expense of a few more dings and scratches. Good for you, little guy. In the Warehouse, Falman and Barry are playing chess when the newspaper comes by, no question what the main story’s going to be. Yup, Falman takes one look at the paper and jumps to the phone. Ed’s in his room, going over his notes when WHAM Al bursts through the door with the newspaper. Wait, convicted?! The brothers rush out to see someone in charge. In prison, oh hey it’s Ling! Who’s complaining about his ID cuffs, while chatting up the guard. Wait, only 15? Huh, I was thinking early 20’s. Running guards? Intruder? Oh, the Ninjas must have finally tracked down their wayward master. Although the music’s a bit spooky… NOPE, not the ninjas! It’s Barry! How did he get out of the Warehouse? He’s just striding forward, bullets bouncing off of him.

Even Ling’s guard with a high-power rifle just knocks his helmet off. Crap, run red-shirts, ru- wait, he knocked them out? [Barry]: “This would be a lot more fun if I was allowed to cut ‘em up.” Oh! It’s a prison break! With the conspiracy framing Ross, Roy’s crew sent Barry to bust her out! How in the world did they convince him not to kill innocents, though? Ling asks the Soul Armor to let him out, Barry almost walks by, but picks up on Ling being from Xing. That opens the door for some reason, and Barry tells the Prince to go with him. Hey Ross, wanna leave this dump? Of course Barry has to be unnecessarily creepy breaking her out, but shows her the paper and offers an escape. After a bit of despairing about a life of crime and apologizing to her parents, Ross is heading for freedom. And methinks Barry has yet another crush on a tough lady. The Inquisitor gets news on the jailbreak, orders the men to scour the city for her and her violent accomplice (what, doesn’t Ling get any love?). Along with shoot to kill orders if she “resists”. Cue picture of Angry Roy donning gloves. So wait, was this your plan, or did your crew do this on their own? The escaped convicts are running through the alleyways, when oh hai Elric Brothers! [Al/Barry]: “Ah! You’re that guy!” Aw crap, the Elrics are trying to figure out what’s going on, but Barry’s irritated at them being slowed down, orders Ross to run to the Warehouse while he holds them off. Ross has to run into the darkness as the Elrics call after her, asking about Hughes. Aargh. Ok, ok, miscommunication continues to stand in the way of a good time, but as long as Ross can get to the- oh. Oh crap. [Pissed-off!Roy]: “You’re Maria Ross… right?” Roy. Roy, just hold on RoY ROY NO WHAT THE FUCK ROY That was an explosion. Um. Al’s arrived to find Roy facing away from a burnt… body. Um. Was Roy in on the plan? Part of me is thinking that this is a decoy, convince the authorities that Ross is dead (oh jeez this is gonna kill Brosh). And once “they got her” Barry was quick to run away… but if Roy wasn’t in on the plan? Then he was facing down the person that was convicted of murdering his friend. I honestly don’t know which way the show will go. ...those are the burnt ID cuffs. W 6186 Maria Ross. Kinda leaning towards Situation #2 here. Mid-show cards ID the Inquisitor as Henry Douglas. Back in the alleyway, Ed oh dear he’s charging Roy. And Roy just decked him. [Roy, adjusting collar]: “You threaten a superior officer?” Maybe he’s just acting so detached? If the Conspiracy is listening in, then Roy has to act the good soldier, following the “shoot to kill” order. Even if it means standing over the possible charred corpse of a friend of the Elrics. Leto, these poor boys. The MP have arrived, taking pictures of the evidence while Douglas demands an explanation from Colonel Mustang. Who has no chill as he questions if one of Roy’s crew helped her escape, just so that Roy could kill her personally. Roy calmly says such speculation is best avoided. All while the Elrics sit quietly against the alley wall, Ed glaring daggers at Roy. At the hotel, Armstrong’s apologizing to the boys for not telling them about the murder sooner, tries comforting Ed when he says that it was his fault. Wait, doctor? Ah it’s the hospital, not the hotel. Aaaaand the doc says while the body was almost completely destroyed, the dental work says… it was Maria Ross. Um. The Doc proceeds to chide Roy for turning her into charcoal, while Roy just sits on a bench and says nothing. [Doc]: “Is the vengeance as sweet as you imagined it?” Roy gets up to leave, when Armstrong… [Armstrong, trembling with emotion]: “Colonel… Please allow me to apologize for one of my own officer’s actions. I could never have imagined that Second Lieutenant Ross would commit such a heinous murder. She was so straightforward and earnest… compassionate… A truly fine officer!” Armstrong’s glaring at this point. Argh, if this is all an elaborate ruse to get Ross away, then Armstrong doesn’t know about it, does he? He’s not in Roy’s crew. So from his perspective while he speculated that Ross was framed, he believes Ross was killed by Roy in vengeance for Hughes. Roy just tells Armstrong that he looks fatigued, recommends he take some leave back where he was. No big city noise, and lots of beautiful women. Is… is that his way of saying Ross was sent east? Or just Roy being the womanizer from the shorts? Monsters in cages, Envy is meeting with the Goths and letting them know about Ross’ fate. Lust is irritated that the plan to keep Roy amiable fell through, but Envy points out that he shouldn’t be distracted with Hughes’ murder being free now, and that there’s a bonus of his crew not trusting him anymore. Cue Riza putting a request for leave on Roy’s desk. Ok, still hoping beyond hope that it’s a ruse, but if it’s not, if Riza’s leaving to get away from a murdering boss for a while… Leto. Roy approves the request and Riza briskly leaves, slamming the door behind her. Wait, Roy’s smiling? Please tell me… Barry’s humming while he sharpens his cleavers, Falman’s freaking out over Barry going out on his own? Crap, if there was a plan Falman wasn’t in on it? Oh, and Barry brought back Ling as well! Who’s building a signal fire/cooking a fish oh hey Ninjas, nice of you two to finally show up. [Snarky!Ling]: “Wow… Impressive response time.” Poor Falman. Roy’s chatting on his office phone, to Elizabeth? Wait, who’s this? Why does Roy call her when Riza’s not around? Where’s this character coming from, messing up my ship? In any case, Roy’s paperwork gremlins are irritated as Roy natters about how he hasn’t had a day off since he got to Central, invites Lizzie on a fishing trip. Sudden bombastic military music as the Blonde Trio lounge in their room, Ed goes to answer the door and SUDDEN MIGHTY ARMSTRONG PUNCH what the Leto. Ed’s sent sprawling as The Mighty Armstrong strides in and picks the boy up, announces that his automail is broken and says he’ll escort him to Resembool immediately for repairs. I am just as confused as Ed right now. The Mighty Armstrong glares directly at Al, saying that he’d stand out too much so he must remain in Central. Wait why are you breaking up the Brothers? What on earth is going on here? If The Mighty Armstrong needed an excuse to take Ed somewhere, was saying that his arm needed repairs while standing next to his mechanic and telling his brother that he’d stand out in his own hometown really the best one? The Mighty Armstrong’s carrying our Protagonist through the hotel foyer like a sack of flour, says that he can’t put the boy down because of his orders. From “him”? Cut to Roy being told that The Mighty Armstrong and Ed are on the train, causing him to smirk and think that “everyone’s out of the way.” What is going on?! Is Ross dead or not?! In the Goth Cage Room, Envy’s passes on a sketch of Barry as the one who orchestrated the breakout. No direct connection to the Colonel known, but Envy bets that he was the one behind it. Doesn’t know where Barry is though, complains that he’s short on manpower. Are these chimeras finally going to get play, then? Wait, what? [Lust]: “Looks like you’re finally on… Barry the Chopper.” [Humanoid in cage with bone-skull-mask-thing]: “Graaaah!” Hold up, did the Goth’s kinda-sorta resurrect Barry? But his soul’s still in the armor! Or is it like a soulless clone, a chimera copy? Oh crap if they can make chimera clones, as much as I freak out about having a shapeshifter the ability to make evil copies of our heroes has the potential to be much worse.

Well, I’m lost! I honestly can’t tell if Ross is dead or not, I mean how do you fake dental work? I suppose the Doc could have been in on the scheme, but if Roy isn’t even telling The Mighty Armstrong about the plan then I doubt he’d bring in anyone else. If she’s not dead then please let us know soon for me and the poor kids’ nerves, if she is dead then what the hell show.

[beckytailweaver]

Avatar: The Last Airbender (fic stuff)

Since I’m trying to work on something (ANYTHING!) and I seem to be in an Avatar mood of late, I’ll throw this up here.

These are fics, potential fics, and mostly-concrete ideas that have existed in the back of my closet for a very long time, since the good old days of watching ATLA when it was shiny and new and cool. Most of them are also so old that LOK didn’t exist yet or was in its infancy.

Note: These are mostly gen fic. If pairings come up they are not the central goal of the piece; they will be mainly canon as it existed at the time the fic was outlined. Treat them like the scenery (no ship war drama allowed in my workroom, that’s what stopped me participating in the fandom years ago).

I’d kinda like to put some feelers out and see what folks think would be most interesting to work on.

Read on:

The End of the Circle Post-canon continuation, my oldest ATLA fic, conceived and outlined before comics or LOK existed. Does some headcanon worldbuilding based on what was available at the time of the original series. Dragons and spirits and legends coming to life, oh my!

Status: outlined, some scenes written, firm endpoint, world built.

Summary: Roku warned Aang that he could not die in the Avatar State, or the cycle would end. Azula’s lightning killed Aang in the Avatar State. To their good fortune, Katara’s spirit water was able to bring Aang back to life, but there are Consequences—for the Avatar and for the world.

Wild Fire Canon AU/semi-rewrite. Also born before LOK was a thing so Druk doesn’t exist. It borrows some concepts from the idea of Toph and her badgermole family. It breaks some TLA canon around the edges but it’s all in good fun.

Status: outlined, many scenes, ending fully plotted.

Summary: The young Fire Prince was burned and disowned by the Fire Lord, cast away and abandoned on the hostile shores of the Earth Kingdom before his kindly uncle could aid him. Disfigured, angry, and lost, young Zuko finds solace in the wilderness when he is taken in by a most unusual protector: A dragon.

Phoenix Legacy Not-a-time-travel “time travel” fic. It was born after seeing Season 1 of Avatar LOK and...kinda liking it but not? (I mostly lost interest in LOK after S1.) And wanting to add some more classic feel to the season. No information from subsequent seasons was used to outline it (thus there is no Druk) but recently I have gone back and “fixed” Zuko’s daughter (giving her the correct name and appearance), and added her nameless daughter (Iroh II’s sister) for lulz. Basically a rewrite of LOK Season 1 with a TLA character along for the ride to shake everything up, because at the time I was disappointed that there was only Katara and no other Gaang members out there kicking the new Avatar into shape.

Status: outlined, a few scenes written, ending plotted; not to be a rehash.

Summary: A phoenix cannot die by fire—it can only be reborn. When Ozai claimed the title of Phoenix King, he had no idea what sort of spirit he might be invoking. When he lost his ancestor’s war and his crown, the spirit’s blessings were unknowingly conferred upon his heir: The hapless Fire Lord Zuko, determined to bring his nation to peace. Seventy years later, there’s a tragic explosion in a tea shop in Republic City, and exiled traitor Fire Prince Zuko wakes up to an unfamiliar world full of unfamiliar faces. The last thing he remembers is an Agni Kai under a Comet, catching lightning to protect a friend.

The Prince’s Prisoner Another ficling born before the comics or LOK were really a big deal and/or I didn’t know about them. Basically during TLA S1, rather than fleeing Prince Zuko’s clutches, Aang decides to remain his prisoner. The original reasoning for this was a kind of modified Peggy Sue: Aang effed up his final battle with Ozai for reasons, his soul is sorta sent back in time to do-over from his iceberg wakeup. The problem is that this is not a perfect process and he doesn’t actually remember everything, only some very important faces, feelings, and concepts. The idea of Zuko as a dear friend/teacher/trusted person is one of these things. Thus, in defiance of all visible logic, Aang trusts S1!Zuko with his life and keeps his promise to go with him. In spite of his Water Tribe friends continuously trying to rescue him, Zhao continuously trying to capture him, and Zuko himself continuously trying to avoid being befriended by his ticket home. (”I’m your prisoner, not anyone else’s.”)  Intended to be a funny and heartwarming friendship/journey story taking a different angle at the series.

Status: tentatively outlined with very few scenes skeleton’d out, season 1 definite, endpoint undecided but can continue throughout the series. The premise mechanic is a bit flimsy; it’s less concrete since it’s supposed to be fluff, angst, and friendship.

dragon!Zuko AU fic Everybody has to write one of these, it’s like a law. Here’s mine: Ozai’s cruelty during the Agni Kai with his young son invoked the wrath of Agni, bringing down a magic from a time before memory and no one knows if it’s a blessing or a curse. When Zuko’s face burned, the fire didn’t stop there, and when the flames went out a young dragon was left on the floor of the arena. Uncle Iroh came to his rescue before the rest of Court could gather their wits, and then had to get him on a boat and out of the Fire Nation before Ozai could decide whether to make him into a pet or a trophy. Part 1: Rather than going on a mission to hunt the Avatar, Zuko and Iroh are on a road trip to keep Zuko alive and secret from the world (Ozai wants to usurp his brother’s title of Dragon). Iroh and his crew end up raising this stubborn angsty dragon prince; since he can’t turn back into a human he has to come to terms with being a dragon most of the time (which can’t talk), and he can often be Very Dramatic about it. Part 2: Years later, there’s rumors of the Avatar’s return and Zuko (who has sort of learned to take a human shape again) sees an opportunity to spare his own life and go home by offering his father a bigger prize than a dragon’s head...

Status: very general outline, some scenes conceived and a general plot/endpoint. Part 1 is in the 3 years pre-canon, Part 2 is during canon, including the grumpy dragon hiding out in Ba Sing Se.

Years Gone/Avatar kids AU S1/pre-canon rewrite. Some whim of fate cracks open Aang’s iceberg three years early (a storm, a passing boat, pure chance?) and he tumbles out into the world in the same year that Prince Zuko was banished. Despite befriending some Water Tribe children who would love to go adventuring with him, he’s got to get home to the Southern Air Temple and that’s where he runs into young, angry, raw-wounded Prince Zuko on his first visit. The tiny chase ensues up and down the entire temple. Aang will of course be friendly but escape. And this begins a probably-ill-advised adventure with a lot of kids who are entirely too young to be camping across the world on a bison (but it’s exciting!), chased by another kid entirely too young to be leading a manhunt. The Comet is three years away so there’s plenty of time for adults to tear their hair out over this. Zuko is a tiny ball of determination, rage, and tears. Aang feels bad for him and tries to make with the befriending even as he’s dodging the fire tantrums. Occasionally during adventures Zuko just gets scooped along for the ride in Appa’s saddle, no one’s sure how these weird truces get called, but Iroh sips tea and directs the crew on a new heading and they’ll pick up their prince at the bison’s next stopover most likely after the kid pendulums back the other way and remembers he’s trying to nab the Avatar again. So Zuko spends 50% of the time yelling and chasing the Avatar and 50% of the time sitting in Appa’s saddle learning tentative smiles and being offered berries and seal jerky, all the way from the South Pole to the North. (It’s slightly terrifying to realize that Aang and Zuko are currently the oldest kids in the party and are actually in charge of this terribly irresponsible expedition.)

Status: general outline, a couple of scenes written, particular S1 plot points, no endpoint yet. Possible bonus content: Toph and/or Suki come along for the ride because why not.

The Blacksmith of Ba Sing Se This is a very old Lu Ten Lives! story. Lu Ten always knew Uncle Ozai envied him, but secure in his position he didn’t really care about it until he took an arrow in the back during the final battle of the Siege of Ba Sing Se. With unknown assassins among his own ranks and no safe place to retreat in the melee, the wounded prince decides to fake his own death by hiding in the rubble, and then swapping clothes with a slain Earth Kingdom soldier half crushed in the ruin. At first, it’s only to get to safety until he can get to the bottom of this. But Lu Ten is picked up by the EK medic teams after the surprising withdrawal of the Fire Nation troops, and ends up spirited away into the heart of Ba Sing Se—where he discovers that it’s hard to escape. He also discovers a whole new world, and a whole new perspective, and, keeping out of the authorities’ notice, eventually manages to make a life for himself as Chang the Blacksmith, a humble craftsman with a wife and kids. This...is much nicer than war, death, and Court politics. Years later: refugee Zuko walking home from his job at Pao Family Tea Shop runs across a little boy crying over his broken toy in the dusty street...

Status: nebulous outline with a few particular sketched scenes. Takes place mostly in Ba Sing Se, outcome indeterminate. It could be mixed with the Lineages concept from below.

Lineages / not Ozai’s kid AU Not really a concrete plot so much as a campy idea from long before the Avatar comics blundered through Ursa’s backstory. There was a phase in the fandom (I think the Search comics drew off of that) where it was popular to imagine almost anyone else than Ozai as Zuko’s Secret Real Dad (the boy deserves a better father) and Iroh was often selected as primary candidate. (I know, Iroh is already the real dad and stepped into Ozai’s cold empty shoes like a pro.) Me, deciding that I had to be different, decided to offer up Lu Ten on that altar. Justifications: Iroh and Ozai looked to have a pretty extreme age difference and there was no solid age for Lu Ten at the time of his death, but his picture looks mature enough. Deals with family secrets and the political issues of muddying the lines of inheritance in the middle of a war. Also takes a crack at Ursa having a clever hand with Azulon’s last will and testament on Ozai’s behalf, with provisos.

Status: nothing really more than a vague concept without enough plot to stand on its own. Without a viable framework, it could work better/well folded into The Blacksmith story, above.

I’m open to opinions and/or asks about these. Trying to get a spark going! (I need to be working in a fandom, ANY fandom at this point! ^_^;; )

[callmcgills]

werner ziegler 😭

! major BCS spoilers from this point on !

Werner (send me a character and I’ll list…)

thank you for giving me an excuse to dump my emotions! THAT SAID:

*sits on the sidewalk* *screams into my hands*

favorite thing about them

a huge part of me liking him is his duality between professionalism and goofiness. (“for my father, it was his achievement. a creation that will endure,” and “very good! now you use your thinking head, not your drinking head!” are lines from the same episode) i also liked how he was an architectural genius, but was downright incapable of thinking ahead when his smarts were applied to any other situation. but most importantly, i like him because he had so much heart that he was KILLED OVER IT!!! the crimes he was killed over were being friendly/proud of his work, escaping the warehouse because he’s tired and wants to be with someone he loved, and trusting someone to be honest!!!!!!! Rainer Bock also gave a great portrayal which definitely helped too

also, relevant: i went from liking Werner to being absolutely invested after he had a panic attack in Wiedersehen, and then it hard cut to him walking back into the room with a smile.

least favorite thing about them

to this day i still have to watch the pool-side scene in Winner while peaking through my fingers. partly because Werner WHY did you have to BLAB AGAIN! but mostly because, well… i’m glad Werner didn’t have to die in those clothes. i also can’t let it go unstated that Werner most likely did know he was working on something w/ criminal ties. but w/ the way Werner acted, he CLEARLY must have thought that Gus and Mike were just storing illegal fireworks or something

favorite line

“Ah, not true. He also left you, Michael. You are his legacy.” Werner doesn’t think Mike needs a grand accomplishment to be worthy of being called a legacy. he could have just said “oh, that’s a shame” about Mike’s previous line, but instead he tells Mike that he’s good enough just for existing. and that’s incredibly meaningful and sweet. (but Mike laughs, because he’s a murderer. his son’s death is on his hands. some legacy he is! and if Werner knew, he wouldn’t be saying that. then, har har har, Werner is killed by him.)

close runner up: “Now say Mittagsschläfchen,” and literally every other line in that scene. for example: “How do you say bullshit?” “Hmm, bullshit.” his dialogue with Mike was gold.

brOTP

Werner and the construction crew. They Are His Sons. the reason Werner said ‘once, maybe’ about if he wanted to have kids was because living w/ someone like Kai for 9 months was enough

if that’s too obvious an answer… Gale and Werner. “wow. i mean, it’s incredible. […] an architectural feat. herculean.” RETCON WERNER’S DEATH SO THEY CAN DRINK COFFEE TOGETHER!!!

OTP

throwback to when i said ‘wehrmantraut endgame’ to myself during Coushatta. those were simpler times.

nOTP

Werner/Kai. a very hard nOTP at that. i haven’t seen anyone ship it, but the Mere Concept is enough to squick me out. and if i’m being frank, Werner/any of the six people in his team. i can’t see Werner’s relationship w/ them as anything other than familial.

random headcanon

i’ve put a lot of thought into this, because i’m working on (more like… planning but avoiding actually writing) a construction crew-centric fic. and since i only have 1 piece of backstory info and a piece of lint to go off of for Werner, i realized i had to fill in some of the blanks! here’s a piece of what i came up with!

i think his father’s work would’ve left a negative impact on Werner. if Werner’s in his 50s, then when he was a kid his father was working on what would be The Most Important Project Of His Life, and he wasn’t able to interact w/ his family often. this would put Werner in an uncomfortable position – being upset about his father being so busy would mean he was being “ungrateful.” his father was sacrificing so much and working so hard, after all!! his attire and work methods might reflect that he’s almost replicating his father in a way. he’s almost deliberately old fashioned, even for someone his age. contrast w/ the French engineer, or even Mike, who is more adaptable to the point he notices dead pixels and what was used to create them

it can’t be good for anyone to have a parent who is constantly busy w/ their “achievement” during some of the most important years of your development. and imagine at least one of your parents being more of a legend than a family member! you’d internalize unrealistic expectations of yourself and flat out wrong ideas of what’s good enough, and you’d look at every moment in your life using that parent’s experiences as a frame of reference. you’re constantly comparing your experiences. not in a “am i as good as them?” kind of way, but in a “in terms of work, i don’t have it NEARLY as hard as they did, so i must be grateful for [X]” way. you also can’t complain about anything that’s given to you, because at least you didn’t have to aid in revolutionizing architecture and construct a new type of concrete arch

while Werner clearly said “you are his legacy” as a way to make Mike look at things more optimistically (and because he really meant it) you have to wonder what him choosing that word says about how he thinks of himself. if you are your parent’s legacy – working in their occupation, even – does that mean just the fact that you exist is good enough, or does that mean you can’t let your existence as a legacy go to waste? of course, when he said it to Mike he meant the former, but that’s not necessarily how the child of someone like his father applies that message to himself.

unpopular opinion

i’ve noticed a lot of people saying that Werner was “stupid for not realizing the severity of his situation” and thinking he’d be able to go back to work after escaping. in my opinion, Mike screwed up by not clearly defining the rules to him. his death was unfair, but even more so because he was punished for breaking the rules to a game he didn’t know he was playing. Gus is playing 4D Chess, and Werner was playing Jenga at a completely different table.

as far as Werner knew, all that mattered was that the work got done and that it got done in secrecy. after all, i don’t imagine any of his other employers would have killed him for what was just a day off. it doesn’t matter how much Werner knew about his job, your instinct isn’t to believe you are going to be murdered for leaving your workplace. not when every single job you’ve had hasn’t worked that way. and that’s where the communication problems spring from, almost every other job Mike has had did work that way, so to Mike the implications were clear and he didn’t need to clarify what “think about who you’re working for” meant.

Werner lacked the context: that Gus was playing a long con that ran deeper than just what they’re building. while Werner believed what they were building was the most important part – and thus no harm no foul in leaving for a few days because the work was going to get done – it was really the revenge and end game that mattered, which meant everyone was replaceable and expendable. especially when they blab to a Salamanca. so it’s about more than whether he knew the people he worked for were dangerous, it’s about the fact he was wrong about what the priorities were.

song i associate with them

Miles, by Mother Mother. a post-Wiedersehen song

“Miles / and miles / and miles / Before we reach the sand / Cacti / and cacti /  for miles / miles of dry land, dry land / We gonna make it / Oooh we gonna make it / We gonna take it / Oooh we gonna take it / Easy / Once we feel the sea breezeMy my my my my my my lover / My maker / My breaker / Take me by the hand / We could go walking for miles / Once we reach the sand / the sand”

favorite picture of them 

A Very Tender Photo Taken One Episode Before Disaster

bonus: an excerpt from an IM w/ kiraalexander, after they filled me in on what Werner did during the finale

[loreweaver-universe]

Y’know, today I feel like talking about Disgaea, specifically my problems with Disgaea 5: Alliance of Vengeance.

Spoilers for Disgaea 1, 2, 5, and Makai Kingdom, I guess.

So, first off, let’s talk about...

The Narrative.

Disgaea 5 tells the tale of edgelord Squall Leonhart wannabe Killia, a former asshole who got redeemed by falling in love with the daughter of the only demon to ever give him a proper ass-thrashing, who spent his time teaching Killia how to find inner peace blah blah blah it’s actually pretty bland.  Killia speaks in a constant monotone, half-heartedly tries to get his rapidly accumulating party of Overlord-level demon pals to leave him the hell alone, and is generally just really goddamn boring.  It’s not to say this kind of character can’t be interesting--in fact, I name-dropped Squall earlier, and until Final Fantasy VIII went completely off the rails in the second disc he was a legitimately nuanced character and I was interested in seeing where he went.  Here’s the problem with all that, though:

The Disgaea series is a parody.

Now, full disclaimer--I’ve only played Disgaea 1, 2, 5, and Makai Kingdom.  I have Disgaea 3 and 4, but I haven’t been able to secure a PS3 to play them on yet, so I’m leaving those out of the discussion (though from what I’m aware those are parodies as well.)  However, of the four games I have played, Disgaea 5 stands out as being the only one of them to really take itself seriously.

Well, 2 did as well to a certain extent, but other than the looming issue of “we’re trying to off your evil dad, Rozalin,” Disgaea 2 takes itself about as seriously as Disgaea 1 did, and Disgaea 1 is a farce.

A beautiful, glorious, hilarious, one hundred percent intentional farce.

Laharl is a ridiculous creature.  He’s petty, narcissistic, and childish, and while there are serious story beats (Etna being blackmailed, that asshole Angel stealing Flonne’s protective pendant, etc) Laharl never stops mocking his foes, his friends, and the genre itself.  Disgaea 1, in short, is taking the piss, parodying the most ridiculous parts of anime and JRPGs (and, hell, American raygun gothic) with delightful glee...which is why, when things turn deadly fucking serious in the final chapter, it’s so goddamn heart-wrenching and effective.  That slow burn of Laharl growing to care about Flonne enough that he tears the Heavenly Host several new assholes to try to save her from their judgment (and, even in the best ending, has to talk himself down from murdering the head angel in cold blood because she wouldn’t have wanted him to take revenge for her sake) is one of the most effective tonal twists in the history of media, in my opinion: all of a sudden, it’s not funny anymore.

While Disgaea 1 lampooned the genre as a whole, Disgaea 2 takes a different tack, and lampoons common anime/JRPG character archetypes.  The hot-blooded, idiotically honorable melee fighter; the spoiled rich brat of a princess; the annoyingly perverted goblin of a third wheel (and, ugh, I wish that archetype would die already), the plucky little kids who are the least innocent characters in the whole crew other than the aforementioned perv goblin, on and on and on.  The goal may be serious, but the characters are almost as silly as they were in Disgaea 1, and I actually think 2 manages an even better balance of humor and compelling storytelling than 1, because not only is the romance between Adell and Rozalin natural, enjoyable, and endearing, the dramatic beats come along without undermining the sheer silliness of our protagonists until it can have the most impact.  There’s a moment in one of the later chapters where Laharl from the first game appears without warning, pissed off, heavily geared, and more than a thousand levels your superior.

(Yes, I said a THOUSAND levels.  For those of you in the audience who aren’t familiar with the series, the level cap is 9999, and you can reset a character to level 1, storing attained levels for bonus stats.  I’ll be talking about the grind later, don’t you worry.)

The encounter with Laharl accomplishes several things over the course of the two fights with him: it delivers a joyful reunion with the protagonist of the first game, which turns to terror when you see his stats, which turns to horror as you send your team into the meat grinder to die helplessly...and then it shows us that something is frighteningly wrong with Rozalin as she is seemingly possessed and tears this impossible foe apart effortlessly.  From there the story really kicks into high gear, and like Disgaea 1, transitions into a deadly serious final assault on Zenon’s stronghold, but unlike Disgaea 1 it’s not a shocking swerve in tone--the story’s been building to this over time, gradually reconstructing the genre it gleefully tore to pieces over the previous game and a half.

Makai Kingdom is a very different affair, and can actually be most closely contrasted with Disgaea 5.  In the Disgaeaverse, an “Overlord” is a very powerful demon who rules a pocket dimension called a “Netherworld.”  Laharl’s an Overlord, for example.  Makai Kingdom deals with a set of protagonists on a whole other level of power; these are the Overlords that other Overlords view as gods, and they essentially sit around on their asses playing card games and throwing popcorn at their TV.

I think you can see where I’m going with this.

Makai Kingdom is a return to Disgaea 1′s attitude--relentless silliness, mockery of itself, with a sharp turn at the end.  Whether it accomplishes this goal as well as Disgaea 1 isn’t all that relevant, but it is something we can compare to Disgaea 5.

Disgaea 5 starts off similarly--hideously powerful Overlord-level demons gather together, but the characters are...not exactly dour, but played straight, I guess.  There’s no parody, no lampooning; it’s very stock JRPG comedy (and “comedy”), with dramatic tension, a serious approach to its story and antagonists, and predictable story beats obvious to anyone who’s ever seen a mediocre anime or played a mediocre JRPG.  Hell, the main villain’s name is Void Dark, and not a single character makes fun of that!  There are some interesting designs, and I actually think Majorita is a compelling villain for Usalia, who I likewise enjoy immensely, but the story abandons almost everything that made the previous games’ plots entertaining.  Topple an empire, murder some baddies, get your homes back, save your dead love from the creepy brother with the incestuous undertones.  That’s it.  That’s all.  As a story structure, it works just fine, and as evidenced by my love for the rest of the series I absolutely think challenging established conventions is a good thing, but it doesn’t do so successfully enough that it stands out as a worthy entry in the series.  Where it does shine is in improvements to gameplay quality-of-life and beautiful animation, which brings me to...

The Gameplay.

Disgaea 5 improves the UI, adds all sorts of neat little quirks to character customization, and improves game control substantially.  It adds extra ways to gain stat points (like I said before, character levels cap at 9999 and can be stored for stat bonuses--this game also allows you to train stats for stat points via minigames) and is just generally more in-depth than its predecessors...at the cost of being stupidly easy to grind out.

Yes, I think an easier grind is a bad thing.  Let me explain: I have over ten thousand hours in Disgaea 2 alone over the last twelve years.  I picked the first two games up when Disgaea 2 was brand new, and have beaten the game dozens of times in the intervening span.  Most recently, about five years ago, I created a save file on the PSP port of the game, and I spend idle trips or the time I’m falling asleep grinding it out as kind of an idle game.

Literally everything you do in a Disgaea game gets you experience for something.  Weapon mastery, skill exp, character exp, you name it.  Hell, you can run randomized dungeons inside your items to level those up, too.  It’s incredibly satisfying and makes for a constant sense of progression--even if you don’t level up in a fight you’ve still gotten experience points for the skills and weapons you’ve used, making it stronger, more effective, etc.  My personal goal is to, eventually, have one of every character class maxed out on stored levels and every skill and weapon proficiency in the game, which is a deliberately impossible task because it’s just so much fun to chase it forever.

Here’s the other thing: the Disgaea series, due to the ludicrous level cap, is known for its absurdly deep pool of ever-stronger bonus bosses, stretching, yes, all the way up to the level cap.  The hunt for those is likewise extremely satisfying, and takes quite a while, especially since the campaign usually caps out at around levels 70-90.

With all this in mind, imagine my dismay when I realized I was blowing through skill and weapon exp and hitting the caps on everything in a tiny percentage of the time I was expecting.  To be fair, there is a “Cheat Shop” NPC who can adjust the EXP you gain up and down, which is neat, but I have to crank it down to literally single-digit percentages of normal to get the same amount of chase-time out of it.  This is not to say that the game should be inaccessibly grindy; in fact, Disgaea 1 and 2 aren’t.  The story campaigns in those games are perfectly completable with the normal skill progression and a small but admittedly grindy amount of extra leveling in unlocked areas.  It’s all the extreme bonus content that’s gated behind the postgame grind, and the huge ceiling on skill levels and weapon proficiencies means you’re constantly rising in power and challenging new heights.  I think that’s a fantastic reward for being dedicated to the game!  And Disgaea 5 in its default state takes that away.  I had a character capped out on all proficiencies, subclasses, and aptitudes within my first hundred hours of the game.

It was...disappointing, I guess.  All around, mostly; for every step forward it took, it also took a step back.  Ultimately, the story takes a backseat to my points about the grind, because the campaign in any Disgaeaverse game is literally about 2% of the game’s content.  Disgaea 5 took my grind from me, and that’s why I’m salty enough to have just spent an hour typing up a book report on its failings, I guess.

[airadam]

Episode 94 : The Illest

"...yo' ass lie like the president!"

- Ice Cube

This month marks twenty years since the death of Biggie Smalls - and yet it somehow doesn't feel like that long ago. The B.I.G man's influence still looms large over the culture and this show is no exception. Several Biggie tracks and others inspired by him dot the episode, alongside choices from the discographies of the late Phife and Nate Dogg. Besides those, a few classics and some fairly modern gems you may have missed!

Catch me DJing at Eastern Bloc Records on April 22nd for Record Store Day and then stay out for their big party in the evening! Just over a week later, check DJ Andy Smith at Whiskey Jar for a Sunday night session :)

Twitter : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Ice Cube ft. Chris Rock : You Ain't Gotta Lie (Ta Kick It)

The way things are right now, I should do a whole mixtape strictly on the subject of lying! Chris Rock was an inspired choice to guest on this track from "War & Peace Vol.2 (The Peace Disc)" for the adlibs, while Cube just goes in with venom on an assortment of unnamed dishonest people. Production comes from Chucky Thompson of The Hitmen, and it does have a little of that Bad Boy flavour - you could imagine someone like The Lox on this beat back in the day.

Da Beatminerz : Bentleys & Bitches (Instrumental)

Tough beat right here from instrumental version the "Brace 4 Impak" LP (can't believe it's 16 years old this year!) - definitely an album to have in the collection if the ruggedness is what you seek. 

ODB : Hippa To Da Hoppa

Two short verses of battle rhymes in Dirty's own truly inimitable style :) I don't play much ODB here somehow, but he was an MC unlike any other. This isn't one of the most often heard tracks from "Return To The 36 Chambers : The Dirty Version", but it popped into my head as one to bring out this month. The beat was one that RZA had in his archives and that Dirty had mentally bookmarked for himself when the time was right. 

Lords Of The Underground : Chief Rocka

I was well pleased to be able to cut this in and have it rhyme with the hook of the preceding track! A classic Hip-Hop single out of Newark, New Jersey, with K-Def on production. This is the video version, taken from the 12" single, with the original of course being available on the "Here Come The Lords" LP. This tune is quality all the way through, but we don't quite make it to the end of the third verse, because it made sense to loop up a notable Mr.Funkee line and then come in with...

The Notorious B.I.G. : Machine Gun Funk

...a track which happens to use it as a hook! The 1-2-3 combo on "Ready To Die" of "Things Done Changed", "Gimme The Loot", and "Machine Gun Funk" is phenomenal, but this is still an underrated cut in my opinion. Easy Mo Bee contributed an absolutely cracking beat, and Biggie's rhymes are enough for his son to rate this as maybe his favourite from the catalogue. Pure fire.

Mary J. Blige ft. The Notorious B.I.G. : Real Love (Remix)

If you weren't around at the time, it's hard to communicate how revolutionary this was. Hip-Hop and R&B were very separate things back then, and it was people like the Harlem DJ Ron G with his innovative and influential blend tapes who showed the possibilities of combining the two. When Puff Daddy (now P.Diddy) went to Uptown Records, he masterminded producing that kind of combination to the studio, and the "What's The 411? (Remix)" album is one of the most well-known examples. Ron G is actually on the intro to this track (just before the part I start playing from), but Puffy and Daddy-O (of Stetsasonic) are credited with the Hip-Hop-heavy production, blending several classic samples together to give Mary a fitting backing - which also works brilliantly for Biggie, when he comes in.

[Buckwild] Sadat X : The Lump Lump (Instrumental)

Classic boom-bap from 1996, Buckwild's bumping instrumental for the Sadat X track discussing... adventures about town. This was a quality single from the "Wild Cowboys" LP - remember when a tune like this could be a club banger?

Curren$y ft. Nate Dogg & Nijay Sincere : Let's Get It Crackin'

This has one of those hooks that just sticks in your head - Nate Dogg can do that to you. Just know that you cannot sing like him :) Anyway, this is kind of an interesting one; you may be familiar with Curren$y's recent career, the "lifestyle rap" and the sonic flavours that come with it, but this 2010 single sounds more like a move for the clubs and the radio - not necessarily a bad thing at all. He's firmly midtempo here over the DJ Taylormade beat with Nate supplying a hook that may not be catchy, but one that works for sure.

A Tribe Called Quest : The Donald

RIP Phife Dawg...aka Don Juice, apparently! Dancehall-accented tune with some nice turntable work (courtesy of DJ Scratch) for the sureshot combination of Tribe and Busta Rhymes on this closer from "We got it from Here...Thank You 4 Your Service", the final ATCQ LP. One of the only things I've heard in months that involves the name "Donald" and doesn't make me want to be sick!

Lexxus : Stress

I'm kind of mad I had to buy the "Mr.Lex" album a second time (on CD) because so many tracks aren't on the vinyl. Still, big tune here with Bobby Konders on the digital production! Lexxus only has two albums, but his singles discography is deep if you like what you hear.

Large Pro : Off Yo Azz On Yo Feet

The live guy with glasses just keeps on going. His latest LP, 2015's "Re:Living" was a concise eleven tracks, with this being one that just stuck in my head. Self-produced, of course, with the snare smacking away relentlessly in the mix. Lyrically - I guess it's motivational music, after a fashion? The hook certainly leaves no doubt about the message :)

The Alchemist : The Thirst

Thinking about it recently, I realised that in this post-anthem world with an explosion of music availability, Alchemist has quietly worked his way into the pantheon of greatest all-time producers. A nice dark beat from the first "Rapper's Best Friend" beat compilation. 

Mega Ran : 10 Gamer Commandments

Random aka Mega Ran is best known for his skill at blending of video game culture and Hip-Hop, and he gives just a piece of it on this cut from his "Notorious R.A.N - Ready To Live" tribute album. Twenty years after the passing of Biggie, Mega Ran reworks some of his tracks in tribute, and this bonus track is of course his flip of "Ten Crack Commandments"; a step-by-step booklet on how to conduct yourself in the gaming world ;)

Kaytranada ft. Craig David : Got It Good

A year ago we heard a Ras Kass track based on this instrumental, but I thought it was worth giving you the original! Coming strong for the crown of best producer to come out of Haiti, the Canadian-raised Kaytranada made some serious noise among those who know last year with the "99.9%" album, and this was a standout cut for me. The highly underrated Craig David supplies a smooth vocal performance at the high end while the beat bumps along at the bottom - great blend.

Omniscence : Golden

North Carolina coming through! The likes of Bandcamp is a godsend for allowing independent releases to be easily obtainable by the fans, and after putting out stuff like the previously-unreleased "The Raw Factor" digitally, Omniscence then moved on to bringing new material onto the platform. This piece from "The God Hour" has some bump but the gentle keyboard work is a fitting backing to Omni's two contemplative verses.

Geto Boys : Leanin' On You

A group often missed when we discuss Hip-Hop legends, Houston's Geto Boys went through lineup changes early in their life, then settled for a while before changing again, and finally coming back together with what most consider the canonical MC lineup - Scarface, Willie D, and Bushwick Bill. Here, we take a reflective track from their seventh LP, "The Foundation", with each MC taking a turn to describe a missed person or a struggle in their own lives. The production comes from someone you may not associate with this style, and also may not have thought about in a while - Mr.Mixx of 2 Live Crew, a pioneer of the Miami Bass sound. This certainly has some heft in the mix but rather than the accelerated beats that he made his name with, this sample re-work is slow and somewhat solemn, perfectly matching the lyrics. 

Oddisee : Brixton

A bit of an old one (2010) from Oddisee's "Traveling Man" instrumental album; I don't know if he made this beat in Brixton or just took inspiration from there, but it's quality as usual. I'll likely play you something from his new album "The Iceberg" in the coming months.

Willie Evans Jr. : Nerd English

Finally, we come all the way back to the theme from the episode opener! A very amusing but sincere track about keeping it all the way real, staying in your lane...however you want to put it :) It reminds us that trying to be something we're not is stressful, hard work, potentially trouble, and just generally undignified. A solid tune from the "Introducin'" LP that always makes me smile.

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!