#also first time signing my work??? i dont know if that's something you're supposed to do ToT

[waterfallofspace]

Sooooo, I tried a comic format for the first time!~

I knew I wanted to do something with the little A/ku sketch, aaaand this is what ended up happening~

(loosely) based on ~this wav~ that was a birthday gift for the incredible @goodlucksnez so please take this as a second gift, a little past your birthday so let's just call it "brainrot feeding" <33

[iid-smile]

Hiii, I know this is probably a weird request and if it's triggering or just something you'd not want to write I totally understand!!! Just was thinking if you could write Nanami or Toji with a s/o who's always had their family manage their eating in an obsessive way so they sometimes have trouble with it and their weight. And they'd help them through it???

If not it's totally okayy, I also love your work a lot hust wanted to swoop that in here🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Lots of lovee

perfect portion , fushiguro toji

x gn!reader , toji swearing, cw: mentions of scales, weight, not eating enough, body image, and food.

author's note: i decided to go with toji (which was very much a struggle) since i thought i had enough of nanami on my page (its a love hate relationship at this point) but if you want him instead, or don't like this one (i dont like it either because i clearly gave up at the end) slide in again and i'll deliver just for you!!!! 🫵😤 also i didn't proofread because i pushed through my writers block for this

thank you for your love anon! 🫶 i hope you enjoy!

─────────────୨ৎ─────────────

the jingling of keys in the distance was a sign that toji finally came home. you could hear his heavy footsteps walking around the house, before coming towards the bedroom where you lay on the bed.

after opening the door, he lets out a sigh. "stay awake for me, sugar. 'm gonna order us pizza." his voice is barely comprehensible from his mumbles, but since it's such a common phrase, you understand what he says.

"oh..." your voice lightens and a short, near sheepish chuckle comes from you. "no, no thanks. i think ive had enough meals today."

he so obviously screws his face from what you said, not that you're looking, and he drops off a few belongings that were in his pockets onto the dresser before glancing over his shoulder. "what?"

in surprise, you look up from your phone. yes, sometimes toji could be a bit pushy with what he wants, but you're sure that the way you said no was obvious that you did not want to be convinced about it. did he not hear you right? "i said i ate enough today."

he scoffs, turning around to face you. "uh...no the fuck you didn't?"

"i did...? i'm sure i did. i told you."

"oh, come on. do you think i'm stupid now? is that it?"

"what?"

"i called you at three in the afternoon, and only then were you telling me you were having breaktast. you woke up way before me." he gestures over to the clock on the wall. "and look at the time. it's nine, and i only saw one dish in the sink."

"yeah. i ate."

"okay. fine, fine. i'll assume the best." he sighs in resignation, turning around and eyeing a piece of paper that he just now noticed was on the dresser. "and what the hell is this? what d'ya need these numbers for, huh?"

that was not supposed to be there for him to see. your eyebrows furrow, but you try to play off your tone as natural. "y'know... from the scale 'n stuff..."

"scale? what scale—? you bought a scale without telling me?"

mistake. well, your first mistake was not asking what he was actually referring to. he didn't notice that anyways, but your second was accidentally telling him that you bought a scale. "well, every house has one, don't they?"

toji was genuinely so flabbergasted to the point where he had to shake his head in disbelief. "not this one, no. because nobody needs one." his steps are obnoxiously loud as he approaches your side."hell, this isn't even about money anymore. why would you need a scale of all things?"

"..." his responses were fast. too fast, and faster than usual. it would've been easier if this was over text, but in person? it's ten times more difficult to think of an excuse. "because i need one." was the first one you thought of.

"who's been telling you to use a scale?"

"nobody..."

"nobody?"

"nobody."

"somebody, clearly. you think you just wake up one day, start writin' down your weight like it's important." he scrunches up the paper, tossing it off somewhere out of your sight. "it's fine, you look fine, and 'm ordering pizza because i want you to eat it."

"and i shouldn't—" you look down at your phone that you put down next to you at some point in the conversation, a notification flashing on the screen, but you weren't paying attention to that. you were looking at the time. around about now would you be getting a weight check...

"who the fuck's sayin' that? sayin' for you not to eat like that? 'cause it's not me." and he leans in closer to you. "so, who's tellin' you to use a scale?"

silence. long and loud. this was one of the last things you'd ever want to admit to him. he's a guy that's extremely proud of his strength, stays in great shape, unreal body proportions, and you're just... you. there's nothing special about you, about your appearance, about your body.

"listen, i won't do anything you don't want me to..." his face suddenly grows to look conflicted, and though the times he does are rare, he makes an effort to soften his voice. "tell me one thing. are you hungry?"

as much as you want to hesitate, as much as you want to put your foot down and say no, your stomach is telling you something different. you're more surprised that the entire time toji has been in a relationship with you, he hasn't heard how ungodly audible your stomach growls can really get. the urge is unstoppable; you just had to nod.

"then what are you waiting for? i'll order whatever you're craving." and out the bedroom he goes, making his way over to the house phone in the hallway. "if it would make you feel better, i'll eat the same amount as you do, so i can show you that it's okay. no more small portions for you."

"and if it makes me unhealthy? if i get sick?" you sound a little amused.

the tapping noises on the phone stops. toji didn't think about that part. "...i'll take you to the hospital. tell me what you want to eat 'n give me the takeout number."

─────────────୨ৎ─────────────

[jayzissleppy]

sweet over spicy

You're my water when I'm stuck in the desert You're the Tylenol I take when my head hurts.. inspired by best part - Daniel Ceasar

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 🫧 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

includes ; established relationship, non idol au, fluff overload, seongwha is head over heels for reader pet names: love, darling (nothing bad to be worried about just a cute fluff) 😵‍💫

a/n ; i wrote this on impulse at 3AM so please be nice to me on this one, this is also my first time publishing my work !

words: ___

summary: you'd choose sweet over spicy anyday, you couldnt handle spicy food or spicy interactions, and sweet was just your favourite oh, and how your boyfriend seongwha was just that...

"love? i brought you some fruit." the study doors opened and the room was now filled with the scent of fresh fruit and your boyfriends voice.

"thank you seongie, you didn't have to." you say looking up at him feeling guilty.

"i thought you might need some, you've been in here for 4 hours now, don't you want to take a break?" you lightly chuckle.

"i don't know, i mean im almost done with writing my draft for this week"

you thought that being an author would been easy since it was something you always wanted to do, theres some days where your cooped up in the study and some days where you dont write for nearly a week. sometimes writing a romance novel is worse than an action novel, the plotline, character development, everything its too much, and seonghwa notices that.

"y/n, thats why its called weekly drafts. you're supposed to finish it in a week, not a day. your overworking yourself, just please lets take a break?" seonghwa says tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

i mean an hour break wouldn't hurt right? you think to yourself as you push up of your chair to stand.

"just for a little bit okay?" you say while seonghwa smiles. "but not anything tiring love."

seongwha takes your hand and pulls you out the study and hands you your favourite hoodie and earmuffs.

"does a midnight stroll sound good?' he asks.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 🫧 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

walking hand in hand around han river, is most definitely the break you needed. the sound of crickets and the leaves blowing, it was relaxing.

"should we make a stop at a convenience store?" seongwha said swinging arms as you held hands. "hmm? i think i could do with something to drink" you smiled.

at the convenience store you and seongwha bought your ultimate favourite childhood drink, ramune.

bleggh.. "i dont remember it tasting like this you" said laughing. seongwha pulled his face as he drunk from the bottle.. "i think they.. cough .. changed the recipe" you both burst out in laughter. the laughter continued as seonghwa had hiccups and could barely speak a sentence without being cut off "should we.. hiccup.. get some rice crack..hiccup..-ers?"

you were almost on the floor in tears. upon leaving the store you noticed that there was a claw machine outside that had hello kitty and dear daniel, the most iconic sanrio couple other than kurmoi and badtz maru. you decided to quickly pull out some coins and try to win the plushies.

"should i help you darling?" seongwha said coming up behind you and placing his hand on yours. his hands were cold, but you didnt hate it. he used his hand to guide yours to the bag that hello kitty and daniel were inside, and within seconds the coldness of his hands filled yours with warmth. in that exact moment you though over and over again about how much you love seongwha. looking back at the time you first met, it truly was not a coincidence.

you were walking down the busy street of gangnam to get to your book signing event when you accidentally bumped into someone. your ipod played fell to the floor and so did his. you apologised to him and picked up your ipod before beginning to rush again. " excuse me, you have my ipod !" he shouted. you turned around and ran back to him to trade your ipods and laugh at how your both listening to the same song. "i see you like daniel ceasar too" he laughed. you smiled before beginning " i really have to run, but im really sorry about bumping into you, i hope the rest of your day is better" you said getting further away from him.

"but this just made my day the best" he whispered under his breath watching as you disappeared through the crowd, and luckily enough you ran into each other again.

you were taking a bus to gimpo airport in seoul when you sat down in front of him him. he watched over your shoulders as you looked for a song to listen too.

"i suggest best part by daniel ceaser" he said trying his hardest not to look like a creep. you immediately smiled when you saw his face and the ipod in his hands. he was hard not to forget, little studio ghibli stickers on it. "you have nice music taste" you replied putting the song on still smiling. "where are going with a suitcase?" he asked. "oh im leaving to japan for a few days for my book signing event."

"what books have you written, i might have one" he said showing the tote bag he had with him. "well i've written quite a few.." as you go on about the names of the books you've written you watch how his face lights up. "your her? the y/n?" he says shocked. you smile a little embarrassed. "im headed to the airport to get my book signed by you, because i was to late the last time." he said pulling one of your books out.

wow, to think that he would be a fan of yours is unbelievable i mean, he looks sweet, nice hair, gorgeous eyes... as you continued to think about every feature of his you realised just how pretty he was. to call him pretty was even an understatement.

"well i wouldnt mind signing one now.." you smiled lightly.

"actually.. could you also .. um.. could i have your number. not like a fan but i'd really like to get to know you sometime or take you out to dinner." he said getting embarrased and avoiding eye contact.

"id love that."

while in japan you and seongwha texted for hours, sharing the same timezone made it easy as well. and when you got back from japan he picked you up from the airport and took you to that promised dinner date. you talked throughout all the seasons, summer, autumn, winter and spring. the only thing that did change between those seasons were your feelings for eachother and the next thing you knew it was winter 2022 and seongwha and you were outside walking in the snow, planing to go ice skating, when he took your hand in his and spoke, "y/n its cold right?, but im not cold at all, my hands may be cold and so could my face, but my heart is warm and thats because of you. you've made every season have a new meaning behind it, summer used to just be 'summer', but now summer is when i spend my days at parks with you, reading, having a small picnic and when i least expected it. you were apart of more than just seasons, you invaded my everyday life. id walk past a flower shop and notice tulips and buy them out of impulse because they reminded me of you. i'd think of things that reminded me of you, till you were all i thought about. i loved the way your voice echoed through the back of my mind when i missed you most, or when i still felt the lingering kiss you left last winter as an 'accident'. well, if this is an accident i apologise but y/n, i love you, everything about you, would you allow me to be yours?" you would cry if you could, but you were afraid of your tears freezing. "seongie..i'd love that.. i love you" you say sniffiling the tears back. he placed his cold hands on your cheek pulling you in for a loving kiss. "thats not an accident right?" he said. you laughed "no.." and all of a sudden the coldness in his hands turned to warm.

"love?" he called out to you, waking you up from daydreaming. "i got the plushies" he said smiling and holding out the bag to you. you kissed his cheek "thank you seongie, you're too sweet !" you took the bag from him, as well as took his hand yet again. "lets go back?" he hummed a response.

while walking back seongwha suggested you sat down at a bench for a bit.

"y/n love, remember this?" he said pulling out his airpods and putting one in your ear as the melody finally hit you.

'I just wanna see I just wanna see how beautiful you are You know that I see it I know you're a star Where you go I follow No matter how far If life is a movie Oh you're the best part'

you smiled as you turned to face seongwha, stars from the sky reflecting in his eyes. seongwha softly sang along while intertwining his fingers with yours. "what should we have for dinner, sweet tteokbokie or spicy?" you looked at him intently, before leaning over and giving him a soft kiss.

"sweet, id choose sweet anyday"

end note: hihi ^^ i finished this quickly so i could focus on school so im sorry if this is a bit rushed, but i hope you enjoy! please dont forget to reblog to help me get more recognition as im a new! you may leave kind criticism !

[pearl484-blog]

My issue with Senti-Adrien

One of the reasons I don't like the senti-adrien theory is because I feel it takes away an important element of the environment he's grown up in: that pervasive feeling that it's wrong to not be okay with something, that it's wrong to disobey.

In the culture I've grown up in, Doublespeak is used A LOT. You are NEVER supposed to insult someone or have an impolite conversation with them. You can't express discomfort, and I always seem to find myself in disgreements where if I leave to cool down, that's not the right option.

Everyone -especially the women who face more social stigma- is likely going to get into a situation that they CAN'T leave. They don't know how, and they may not even have the tools to recognize that they WANT TO. That it's not healthy. After all, if someone hasn't done something OBVIOUSLY WRONG, you can't be impolite. Even if you're uncomfortable.

Of course, then it becomes a slow boil, the things you have to not react to (and sometimes even pretend you enjoy) become worse and worse, but never so much worse than the last time you didn't react.

In the end, a lot of people don't understand why you would be near people who make you feel uncomfortable. Why you can't stand up for yourself. Why you treat people who treat you like shit kindly.

Adrien could've been a girl and depicted this. A high class girl constantly under the spotlight for her father's fame could easily be pressured to be a sweetheart, a good girl, and everyone could see "oh, well, she's a girl. Of course she'd be taken advantage of eventually. An abusive father? Well, I'm not surprised."

But Adrien’s a guy who is under the same social pressures as a girl in a believable way. He's not expected to be abused in that way. He's a guy. Guys "can't be emotionally abused/not know this is wrong". Except, yes, they can. Anyone of any gender can be abused by anyone of any other gender, and a guy may show traditionally female signs of abuse and grooming as abused to the traditionally masculine agression and acting out.

First off, Adrien is a model. He's used to being constantly objectified. His body is literally posed for everyone to stare at as his job. He's also a teen model, and almost certainly has had to release private details of his life for strangers to obsess over in an environment that says this is normal. This is good.

He can't complain because much like girls here, it would ruin his reputation as a nice guy, so he's defaulted to a very normal coping skill in these parts. Rationalization. See, it's easier to keep your temper if you can excuse others behavoirs as perfectly reasonable to yourself. And with enough practice, ANYTHING can be reasonable. Combine that with the classic downplay, a classic of everyone in these parts -for the sake of politeness of course, and your reality is normal, bearable, not worth complaining about.

But it obfuscates mistreatment to outsiders. Outsiders who haven't internalized "this is okay. This is normal. This is expected". As Adrien interacts more and more with these outsiders, and they realize what Adrien does not, what he cannot, they become concerned.

And Chat? Chat Noir offers hope. Chat is proof that Adrien, without those social pressures, CAN stand up for himself, and he can do it while still being kind and empathetic and considerate. Chat is proof that deep down, Adrien would thrive outside of those pressures.

Yet, without Plagg, without his ring or an escape, he cant. He can't think of a way to do that since his reputation is on the line. It's enormous, that desire to make people think you're good, that you're not a trouble maker, that you're useful to them. Adrien, I feel, portrays that well.

It is a completely invisible, omnipresent force that outsiders cannot understand. You dont even understand how much of an effect it has on you until you're away from it.

The senti-monster theory makes that force one you LITERALLY cannot disobey. Now, some may argue that makes it work as a metaphor, but no. I think the fact that you CLEARLY have no choice, as seen by an outsider is to its detriment. Yes, being in that situation makes you feel like you have no choice, but to an outsider?

It looks like you do, you're just not taking it. It looks like you're too weak, or indecisive, or stupid to do the obvious thing and realize you're in an abusive situation and leave. There’s nothing an outsider can blame your "flaws" on, no excuse, and under the amount of pressure, nothing that you can say that would justify you be so weak/stupid/indecisive. Because unless you've been outside that culture in a way that let you realize what it did to you, all you can think is that it was just you.

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

WHY DON'T YOU EVER SLEEP BRIE I WAS BEING GOOD AND NOT SENDING YOU A LONG ASK BUT YOU JUST KEEP POSTING AFTER SAYING YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP and your posts are making me laugh so much today i adore your existence and that's such a weird thing to say for someone that i didn't even know properly back then FHJDAHJFHJACHJA

also just saw this tag "#I wanted to drop my phone number" and thought you wrote "i wanted to drop my phone" before i noticed number JFHSDHJFDHJAJH??? you are so cute im going to cry

also i HATE THAT I SEE YOUR NAME BRIE?? and last night when i was asking you if you've brien well,,, i accidentally typed bren at first?? anyway now my brain is convinced brie is actually short for br(endon ur)ie AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?

also i felt you on the 52 messages bec i spam people a lot. i would probably spam you if i had the braincells. spamming is so much fun

ok pls sleep now (or don't, i'm not forcing you rhfsghjahjja)

—spn anon

TIME IS A CONSTRUCT. THAT I DONT BELIEVE IN. IF THE SUN ISNT UP I WILL NOT SLEEP THAT IS MY RULE.

I’m jk i just stay up late trying to talk to someone sigh but i think they don’t love me anymore 😫 IM KIDDING. They’re sick.

ARE YOU HAPPY THOUGH I DID GO TO SLEEP AND I JUST WOKE UP OKAY NO WORK MEANS I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT WOOOOO

Don’t call me cute ✋ you’re kinda crazy for liking my existence IM SO LAME

You caught though damn I AM IN FACT BRENDON URIE. THE PIPELINE FROM PANIC! FANS TO KPOP WAS SO STRONG THAT I GOT SUCKED IN TOO!

No but, actually Brie is not short for my real name, i don’t think I’ve mentioned that before? My real name is ACTUALLY deprived from my dad’s middle name and it’s really unique so you guys would be able to find me faster if you wanted to with it 👀

Alssoooo i only go by Brie these days anyways because people always mess up my real name and then get mad at ME for not correcting them like I DONT CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME if it has a “b” sound with it ILL RESPOND OKAY? So you can call me brendon urie and I’ll respond 🥰

Spamming IS so much fun but I always have immediate regret like I feel like I should make people sign something before they start talking to me so that they know it’s a possibility

I DID 😴 I AM AWAKE NOW. NOT TILL 5AM TODAY THOUGH CAUSE I HAVE WORK TOMORROW

[lambowverde]

“Good morning, angel.”

You stir in the silk sheets, rubbing one eye as you sit up. It was the part that Ran had come to anticipate the most, considering that he gets up before you everytime, the light of dawn somehow always managing to find its way to shine right where his eyes were. Or maybe it was simply because he was getting old, he didn’t remember liking the mornings when he was younger. But now, his body wakes up at the same time everyday, always at 9, and you, at 10.

Nevertheless, he was appreciative of it, because it allowed him to see this sight. His angel, who slowly begins to wake, always groggy in the morning yet heart wrenchingly adorable, eye bags and all. It was always him, just him watching as you return to the world, those foggy, glass like eyes of yours blinking as you offer him a soft, tender smile.

“Good morning, Ran.”

And you would say those three words back every time. As always, he takes the extra time to take a careful look at whatever work he’s done the night before, those purple marks decorating your soft, beautiful skin. Ran leaves them there, sometimes unconsciously, in the midst of pleasure and the fogginess of his mind. Other times, he leaves them there deliberately, where he knows people may catch an accidental glimpse; If you were to stretch too far and your shirt rose up, it wasn’t Ran’s fault, right? How was he supposed to know that was going to happen?

Except he did. Mark you on your stomach, your hip bone and maybe even your sides if the weather was hot. Leave some on your nape if you said you wanted to wear something light the night before. Put some on your chest because he knows that Sanzu likes to stare. Your wonderful, empty skin was the most tempting canvas when the brush was his ruthless lips, when the paint was pink and purple and only semi-permanent.

Sometimes, he wonders if you know those marks exist. You can feel them, of course. As they’re being made and he makes it his mission for them to stick. But there’s a possibility that you don’t know how dark they are. How they decorate your skin in obvious places, just begging to be seen.

He’s not going to tell you, though. Blame it on the fact that too many men like to stare at you, for much, much longer then necessary.

What can he say? He adores you, and can anyone really blame him?

“Here sweetheart, it’s cold today.” Draping a robe over you, he helps you put each arm in before he ties it tightly. Just enough to wear it would stay, but not hurt you.

“Thank you.” You say, a smile on your face. Reaching out to him but grasping at nothing at first. He guides your hands in the right direction until you're hanging on his arm. Right next to his side, the place where you belong.

“The flowers are extra beautiful this morning. And I’ve made breakfast, but don’t get your hopes up. I dont think it’s any good.” Chuckling to hide his nervousness, he leads you to the bathroom.

“I’m sure I’ll love it. How could I not? When it’s made by my lovely boyfriend?” You kiss him on the cheek before closing the door to the restroom, doing what you needed to do.

Quite honestly, he was having an internal struggle. The breakfast that he attempted to make was, to put it bluntly, utter shit. And he doesn’t know if he wants you eating that stuff. But you said you wanted to try his cooking, so he had to at least make an attempt.

Even if said attempt turned out to be an utter failure.

Should he start taking cooking classes?

Signing himself for a cooking class, he doesn’t hear you come out. “Ran? Are you still there?” You’re gripping at the walls, and he also notices that you’re limping a little. Shit, he must’ve gone too hard last night.

“Yes baby, right here.” He makes a point to be loud with his steps, but low with his voice, so he doesn’t startle you. The last thing he wants to do is make you feel unsafe or alarmed.

“Hehe, you don’t have to be so worried. You know I can get to the balcony without your help, right?”

Of course he knows. You’re very capable, and you only allowed him to help you because you were kind. You know that he likes to do it, wants to feel useful to you and needed. But does he want you wandering around near such an open, high up place? Absolutely not.

“I know, but if there’s any opportunity I can seize as an excuse to be near you, then I’d take it.”

As he leads you to your seat, the open balcony of the summer home, he brushes the petals off your chair, ushering you to sit down. He’s on a one week vacation, and he was spending it all with you, in a rural place far from the city. It’s quiet here, no loud noises to spook you. And the never ending garden that surrounded the place proved to be something you enjoyed, making it all that more worthwhile. “When we get married, we should get a place like this.”

You stiffen upon hearing his words, your cheeks tinting to a rosey hue. The same shade as the roses that were just below you, except you were much, much more beautiful then they could ever hope to be. “Y-Yes, that would be nice.”

How cute. You’re fiddling with your thumb, a habit you do whenever you’re nervous, uncomfortable, or shy. He really hopes it’s the latter. “Should we have a garden too? Or is the smell a little too much?”

Serving your breakfast, a simple omelette along with rice, and a serving of miso soup, Ran sets it down in front of you with a clank. The dish hits the glass table, signaling that the food was ready to be consumed. “No, not at all. I love it. Thank you so much for being me here, dear.”

“Of course. I’ve always wanted to show you this place anyways.” He would stay here forever with you, if the world allowed it. But his job in Bonten forced him to be located in the city, meaning that other places were not an option. However, when he feels that he has enough money to support the both of you, and your future kids, he’ll quit. And then you could both go to wherever you want, even if it was across the world. Or 100 miles from town. Whatever one makes you more happy.

From his seat, he nervously watches as you chew on your breakfast. The very same, shitty breakfast that he made. Where did he go wrong? How did he manage to fuck it up so terribly? He had no clue. The elderly lady on YouTube made it look so easy, and her comforting words of “It’s much simpler then you think” fooled him into thinking that it’ll be an easy feat.

Of course, 20 minutes into it, he would discover that it was anything but.

“How is it?” Good, at least his voice was firm and betrayed his inner thoughts.

Still chewing, you don’t reply. It only served to make him more anxious. “It’s…Its…” You begin, and he leans in with unease. “It’s wonderful!”

Thank, god.

All the muscle in his body deflates, and he nearly becomes boneless in his seat. It was good, you thought it was good. He didn’t completely fuck it up after all. Ran should write a good comment on that lady’s video, thanking her for her instructions. “It’s amazing Ran! I thought you said you were an awful cook?”

“I am. Believe me, I can barely boil water.” Laughing, he vividly remembers the time he tried to make ramen while Rindou was sick, to only burn half the house down when they were younger.

“Well you must’ve improved somewhere! Cause this is delicious!”

Watching you gobble it up enthusiastically, his heart melts. You look so happy right now, your skin glowing with life and smile wide. It’s the look that he hopes to always put on your face, never anything less.

Chuckling once he sees the little bits of extra food on the side of your face, he reaches for a napkin to wipe it off. “Thank you for the ego boost, love. I’ll make sure to add michelin chef on my resume from now on.”

You laugh at his silly joke. The melodious sound being carried away by the wind. On the side of your mouth, you had a little piece of omelette attached to there. Instantly, he attempts to wipe it off.

But then your hands graze at his own, touching it delicately until— “Hm…? What’s this?”

Fiddling with his bandaged fingers, he stops himself from pulling away. You were bound to find out eventually, seeing as he couldn’t keep his greedy hands from you for too long. But he was hoping that he’d get the chance to tell you, not…

Well, this.

“What is this? Ran? Why are all your fingers all bandaged up?” You’ve always cared tremendously about his health, being the god sent you are. And it warms his heart as much as it scares him. The tender way you caress his skin, the words of scolding, telling him to “be more careful!,” is something that he hadn’t experienced before he met you. Even with Rindou, who too, had a way of showing his worries (throwing first aid kits, or yelling about how stupid he was for getting hurt) didn’t make it as clear as you did.

Really, his two most important people were too much sometimes. He smiles, thinking that to himself.

“How did you get this? You didn’t have it last night. Did you leave to do something?” Seeing as you were frowning (but it comes off as a pout), he holds back on telling you about how lovable you are.

“Doll, the only place that my fingers had been in is inside you. I didn’t go anywhere, or do anything. Not since we got here.”

You flush for only a second, he thinks that he’s successfully changed the topic. But alas, you prove him wrong. “Don’t try those honey coated words with me Haitani, it won’t work! How did you get these?”

Hm, time to come clean, he guesses. “Breakfast. While I was making breakfast this morning”

As expected, your expression of worry shifts to one of immediate sadness. And this was why he didn’t want to tell you. “I really am no cook, love. The knife had bested me before I finally got a hold of it.”

It was his bad for being so incompetent. But what can he say? He was never particularly fond of sharp objects, that was more of Rindou’s thing then his.

“So…you only got it because of me.” Ah, and there it was. Your insistent need to want to blame other people's fault as your own. He hated that you did that, hated it.

“No, it was me who wanted to cook for you. And don’t ruin that pretty face of yours with a frown, it barely hurts.”

Kneeling down in front of you, he grabs your two hands to hold within his. He’s giddy at how small they are, because his own encloses yours completely. “Do you understand, angel?”

You nod.

“Besides, I can almost guarantee you that these little bandages…” Coming a tad bit closer, he whispers in your ears. “Won’t do a damn thing to affect what I can do with them.”

Nodding, but this time with a blush on your face, perfectly understanding his implications, you squeeze his finger three times.

One squeeze means, help.

Two squeezes means, I’m here.

And three squeezes, that means…

“I love you more.” He says, in reply to your earlier actions.

So, in the morning spring of good weather, Ran carries you to your room. Determined to show that the cuts on his fingers wouldn’t worsen his performances in anything. Be it his duties to his job, or his duties to you.

The apple of his eye.

[ghostlysenses]

okay i have an idea for pt 3 of fake friends, you can honestly do whatever with it but here it is-

y/n is still angry at the trio even after coming to amends with everyone else, even with their own death in general, but one day they notice that one of them (probably tommy) just tries every night to talk to them, to apologize, he leaves small gifts that were either from their house or something he brought along with a “this reminded me of you”, he even once brought down a juke box and a disk and stayed up all night to try and talk.

finally its sunrise and tommy feels a cold hand on top of his, and a small voice going “it’s okay.” and he just starts to violently sob, apologizing over and over again, trying to explain himself over his cries in agony, and once the sun is fully risen he’s passed out on the blanket he brought with him, as the disk finally stops.

Oh... my... god I HAVE TO WRITE THIS!!!

Now this one i got on May 16th idk when this is going to be posted but im taking my time w it!! WHOO

Remember! requests are currently open!

Part two here! and you can find part one there too!

My Apology, Please forgive me

Tw; Mentions of death and suicide, angsty.

Its been a few months... You accepted your death and you've forgiven everyone whose ever wronged you...

Besides Ranboo, Tubbo, and Tommy.

You just couldn't, they broke your heart.

they were supposed to be your friends but... they thought otherwise

You were stuck forever under L'manhole

looking up from the glass...

Tommy himself was slowly being ditched by Tubbo and Ranboo...

his first thought when it happened his first thought was "was this what Y/N felt?'

He was hurt and distraught.

was this the pain he caused you?

he couldn't blame you for being mad at them when you felt this way... he just wished he could find a way to make it up to you..

he wished you were still here so he could talk to you

so he could have someone

but..

you did want to talk

you also wanted someone

and they ignored you

they ripped that from you and he will never forgive himself for that

he sits at the bench alone now, by himself... he imagines you sitting next to him sometimes.. laughing with him.. talking to him.

after he saw you that night he couldn't get the glare you had on your face out of his head.

you were pissed and he was too

He treated you poorly, he called you shit, he insulted you, he hurt your pride and confidence, he broke you, ignored you, and hurt you so bad that now... you're a ghost.

He knew he had to make it up to you

but you didnt want to see him

and he still tried

Tommy would leave things

He left a painting once “this reminded me of you”

a few days later he came back with a photo of you and him “I miss when you were here...”

a few days after that he came back with your adventuring backpack that you had lost in some old mine “I found this...I thought you’d like it back”

every day he would leave something...

and you dont know why

but you felt better...you didnt feel angry at him anymore...

there would be some nights where Tommy would come to the memorial, crying.

“Im so sorry... i should’ve been better, im a shit person”

“I wish you were here”

“you wouldve been the person there for me”

then he was gone for a few days....you heard he was trapped in the prison...

when he finally came back it was around 3am

he walked over and just sobbed

spilling everything from how dream treated him and what he did to him in the prison, to how he’s so sorry for putting you through so much hell

and he’s begging for any sign that your listening....

but you can’t reach him...

you keep trying though...

but nothing works...

when he’s done he apologizes for venting...then walks away

You have already forgiven Tommy by then, as it seemed he was the only one out of the trio who cared

and you felt terrible for what happened to him..

so that night and every night you kept trying to leave l’manhole

until you did...

you can go past the glass but only up to the opening of the hole in the glass that you caused

You can reach out of the memorial too.

This was going to be a pleasant surprise for Tommy

A few nights later Tommy comes back, he brought a juke box with him this time...

he sat the jukebox down and played Mellohi...

Your favorite...

a few moments later Tommy started crying...

“I wish you were here....Tubbo and Ranboo ditched me... I now know how you felt...and im so sorry for it...you didnt deserve to feel this way......I hope you know that I mean it when I say this but...you were my only true friend...and im so sorry i treated you so poorly..”

Big man TommyInnit apologizing?

damn

he started crying more, just repeating how sorry he is and how he wants you to come back

this went on for awhile....

Then you decided to comfort him

the sun was coming up and Tommy was to distracted by it to even care about his surroundings

“Im sorry y/n”

He felt something cold wrap around his torso, and something on his back

“I know Tommy....I forgave you along time ago...”

You had hugged him

he turned around and hugged you back..

tears in his eyes...

boy did he miss you.

[eulangelo]

callout for @genderfluidlucifer

google docs

tw for transmisogyny + TERFs + emotional manipulation

Transmisogyny

Lucifer is a huge transmisogynist who will complain 24/7 about how TERFs hurt the ace community, but the moment @randomclustermissile , a trans girl (who is not an exclusionist at all) tries to point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles (in the most vague and general way possible, without pointing fingers nor calling anyone names) Lucifer will immediatly jump to block her and so they did with me (another inclusionist) and i have to suppose to everyone else who agreed with that post, even arriving to vagueing about us in private group chats to suggest that we were “sympathizing with exclusionists”. all because we dared point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles. lucifer is TME but apparently they think they’re the authority on TERFs and their talking points but actual trans women are not, according to them, since this is the stuff that they would go and spew to other people. (screenshots from @enbyoctoling​)

here’s more examples of Lucifer (again, a transmasc person) going deep in detail about how according to them, TERFs/SWERFs hate aro/ace people and are an active threat to us

1. link

[Image ID: Three screenshots of a post by Genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot is of a paragraph that reads, "Hey. So I can actually answer this. Anon your commentary about how you thought terfs would approve of sex repulsed aces is sort of it. Except...not. Basically terfs hate ace people for not wanting sex in the approved by terfs way. Terfs are actually extremely interested in [forcing] amatonormativity onto everyone. Because for as sex negative as terfs are...they don't want to actually acknowledge or change the fact that amatonormativity is at the root cause of rape culture and misogyny."

The second screenshot is a zoomed in section of the post that reads, "So yeah no I have NO idea where exclus allies are getting this idea from that terfs would even remotely care about the sexual rights of ace people. Terfs generally hate any sexualities in the LGBTQ+ acronym that aren't LGB because they can't force a gender binary onto those sexualities. At least, not as easily. That's why it's actually a massive sign of someone who doesn't call themselves a terf being a crypto terf if they use the term LGB in a positive manner. Along with the term SGA, as it is deliberately exclusive of nonbinary and not inherently SGA centric queer-aligned sexualities. /END ID]

link to the full post, these are just excerpts but the whole thing is just a very long rant about how TERFs hate ace people and so on (i think it’s worth noticing that although the actual post is kinda long, trans women are never once brought op in a conversation about TERFs issues and the only time transmisogyny is mentioned is not relevant to the conversation)

2. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is nothorses. It reads, "Because apparently I have to say it: Testosterone is not a 'violent' hormone. It doesn't make you 'more aggressive' or a worse person, it doesn't make you 'dangerous,' or 'toxic.' Transmascs do not need to be 'warned of the dangers of T.' We do not need to spend our transitions terrified that we're going to become a danger to those around us - that HRT is going to turn us into a monster.

Everyone experiences mood swings during hormonal shifts (pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, estrogen HRT, etc.) and while you might have grumpy moments or feel anger/frustration that you need to learn to handle differently, that doesn't make you a bad person.

Testosterone can change the way you access/process emotions somewhat, but if you're already thoughtful about how you handle your feelings and treat others, you're going to be fine. It's normal to lash out on occasion, by accident, then apologize and work to do better. It doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone on HRT is prone to this, and everyone experiencing hormonal changes is prone to this.

Getting HRT should be positive and affirming; you should not have to spend your entire transition terrified of becoming a monster."

The post then has a reblog by captainlordauditor that reads, "The big danger of T is that needle ouchy." /END ID]

here’s them reblogging from known transmisogynist user @nothorses (once again, the irony that a post about how testosterone is seen as the "aggressive hormone" does not mention transfem at all which are literally the main victims of this rethoric in the first place)

3. link (1), link (2)

[Image ID: Two screenshots of posts by genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot reads, "Queer exclus: We're not repackaging terf rhetoric! Saying that is transmisogynistic! Also queer exclus: Remove the plus from LGBT!" and has tags that say, "I will pay these people to grow some god damn self awareness. Imagine being this dense. Queer discourse." The post has 15 notes.

The second screenshot reads, "Honestly it is so stupid and frustrating to see ace exclus continue to deny that the ace discourse was started by terfs. Proof was given countless times. And a big name terf like galesofnovember even admitted to starting it. Those of you who demand proof but ignore all of this never wanted proof to begin with." and is tagged with, "ace discourse. The post has 38 notes. /END ID]

heres another two post of theirs conflating TERFs with ace exclusionism

4. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblogged post by furbearingbrick. The original poster is boxlizard, Lucifer's old account. The original post reads, "By the way for people still in denial about it, here's galesofnovember, a terf, admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement. She's taking credit for it. Normally if the victims of this behavior weren't ace/aro or other queer identities y'all be ready to rightfully lynch her. But since it's us, y'all just still wanna stamp your feet and go, 'Nuh uh!' instead of acknowledging facts." The part that says, "admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement" is a link to a galesofnovember post.

There is then a reblogged addition from furbearing brick that reads, "archived versions of the receipts" and has two links to the webarchive. The tags read, "Bringing this back since it's apparently still relevant. Terfism mention. Aphobia mention. Queerphobia mention. Blocklist." and has 1,455 notes. /END ID]

this is their post that ive already talked about but basically they found a 52 notes post made by a TERF in 2012 and this one person said "i dont know why i dont get to be the princess of the anti-ace-brigade" and apparently they are convinced that this means TERFs started the ace exclusionism movement and that this is one of their goals. which is insane when TERFs in real life only care about making life miserable for transfem people first and foremost.

5.link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is yu-gay-fudo. It reads, “Just in case you happen to be unaware, some of the “radfem lite” they post to warm you up to their rhetoric, just off the top of my head:

- Ace/aro exclusionism

- Bi exclusionism or claims that bi people are “less queer” bc of “straight passive privilege”

- Saying you have to be dysphoric to identify as transInvalidating nonbinary people

- Calling queer a slur regardless of context, saying people can’t identify as queer, and saying that it can’t be reclaimed

- “Mogai hell”, “kweer”, or otherwise mocking less common labels and claiming they are “just cishets who want to feel special”

- Excluding sex workers from feminist discussions or claiming that sex work is inherently evil

- Basically anyone who thinks they can determine what other people identify as”. The tags read, "queerphobia tw. twerfs tw. no id." and has 70,727 notes. It was reblogged on March 22nd, 2021 /END ID]

another example of conflating radfems to things that, while wrong, have little to nothing to do with them because being a radfem, again, is something very specific that has all to do with transfem oppression.

Emotional manipulation

Lucifer has done nothing but block, break boundaries, spread lies and vague about people, some of which were even mutuals with them knowing they would see the posts. when confronted about it Lucifer's only answer was "just say you hate me and block me" but they actually ended up blocking everyone first, making it impossible for anyone to set some boundaries with them or even just to calmly confront them about anything.

[proof: Io(popncourse) and Lucifer had a disagreement in a shared discord server, which prompted Lucifer to vague Io in a vent post. Io confronted them, as being vagued is one of buns triggers, to which Lucifer initially agreed to delete the vent post, but then proceeded to victimize themself and immediatly blocked Io. later on, Jude(malewifedeckard) was confronted by Lucifer, then after Jude told them “I’m worried that you’ll vague me just like you did with Io” they proceeded to block Jude and vagued about him too. when Io made a post (which was not a callout, it was just bun setting buns boundaries) explaining what Lucifer did, Lucifer immediatly jumped to victimize themself, acting like they were being called out and straight-up lying, even going so far as to say that no one tried to hear them out, which is a blatant lie if you consider the aforementioned Io and Jude’s attempts at doing so, with Lucifer immediatly blocking and cutting ties with the both of them. ] 

(screenshots taken by @popncourse and @malewifedeckard)

as seen in the proof above Lucifer’s behaviour is not ok because they don’t accept any kind of confrontation and immediatly jump to blocking, and after blocking, they'd immediatly go and vague about the people who confronted them pacificly, spreading more lies and painting themself as the victim and even arriving to say “no one hears me out at all” which is simply not something you can say when you block people who are trying to hear you out in the first place.

this is by no means an invitation to go and harass them, send them hate or anything like that. i absolutely don’t want anything even remotely hateful or negative to be sent their way after this post. 

this post was only made because:

1. as an ace person who fully supports the inclusion of aspec identities in the lgbt+ community i don’t want to support an enviroment that costantly downplays transmisogynistic oppression in order to be taken seriously. there are hundreds of ways to make aspec activism without acting like we(as in TME aspecs)are the victims of a system that seeks for the annihilation of transfemenine people in real life everyday. i especially don’t want to support TME individuals who act transfem-friendly but then block any transfem who tries to speak on transmisogyny without a second thought.

2. Lucifer’s behaviour has hurt two friends of mine and i don’t want to associate with someone who actively breaks people’s boundaries without taking accountability when messing up.

3. i cannot associate with someone who spreads lies about me accusing me of sympathizing with exclusionists all while having me blocked so that i can’t see it nor defend me. they complain about people not hearing them out but they’re the very first person who does not try to hear people out, and instead jumps to spread baseless rumors. this is not someone i can nor want to associate with. 

(image descriptions provided by @malewifedeckard)

[superhero--imagines]

Etsy Store Here l Ko-Fi l Commission Info I Instagram I Zine

A/N: Looking for a beta reader for a personal writing piece, let me know if you feel like you're a pretty good editor! Also this has been sitting in my drafts for like 2 months, and IDK maybe I'll do more of them since it's kinda fun.

* Omg this freak is so stupid into the fact that you literally create universes with those godly hands

* I’m not kidding, I think a good 80% of his initial attraction to you was because you’re writing will literally make you immortal

* “You’re going to live forever,” Satoru says slightly breathless as he holds one of your print publications in his hand

* You’re just like ‘wtf’ so he explains-

* “You die twice, once when your body can no longer sustain itself, and the second the last time someone says your name.”

* Ah, so he thinks you’ll live forever in the sense that someone will always reference your work

* “That’s not exactly true though, one day the sun will swallow the earth whole, turning everything we love to dust”

* Satoru thinks you sound just like a writer when you say stuff like that

* “Well, unless we find another planet and have a database there or something”

* Satoru googles ‘how to buy a planet’ and ‘how much would it cost to set up a database in space’

* He’s got no respect for your craft- and by that I mean if you’ve got a deadline you’re trying to meet for a submission period or for your editor whatever, he’s just got no respect for it

* Queue Gojo shenanigans where he’ll hide all the pens in the house, or hide your laptop or something just so he can see you all flustered and panicked

* “I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS I ONLY HAVE 12 HOURS TO GET THIS IN!!” You shriek running from one end of your home to the other looking desperately for your laptop charger

* It’s too late in the game to order another one, and you don’t trust leaving Gojo alone in this house

* More than once you’ve left the house to replace whatever Satoru stole only to return to see even more of your things were gone now

* One time he rearranged all the furniture

* “It’s up there,” Gojo says grinning, and you look up to the ceiling fan to see your laptop charger idly hanging off one of the panels

* “I’ll get it down for you if you give me a kiss,” he says cheekily

* There’s sort of a method to the madness

* Part of it is yeah, Gojo loves to laugh, and nothings funnier than you when you’re flustered

* But part of it is you’ve been hunched over your laptop for days now, and you’re starting to be mean to yourself because you’re frustrated

* You need a break

* One he’s more than happy to offer

* And a teeny tiny portion is because he’s lonely

* Whenever you get sucked into a project it’s like you forget about him completely

* So he just wants to remind you he’s here

* And that he loves you

* You sigh, giving him a quick peck, and with a wave of his hand he brings the charger down

* “I expect a better reward when you’re done with your story”

* I think Gojo is probably a pretty big fan of your work

* In fact he’s probably your #1 fan

* But he’s super low-key about it.

* Buys all your publications on pre-order (never in large amounts so you don’t notice)

* If you’ve got into a bigger journal/magazine, or have a book at a bookstore will buy a copy every time he passes by one and see’s it

* He keeps one copy of each work on his bookshelf in the living room

* And then stores the rest/extra copies in a velvet storage box in a temperature-controlled area

* He also has another set that he notoriously marks up with notes/annotations

* “This part sounds like the time I brought them food and took them on a spontaneous date” he’ll say, scribbling furiously into the margin

* Gojo see’s your writing as an extension of you- of your soul

* So he does his best to try and figure out where you get inspiration from

* He’s especially delighted if he notices something he did, inspired something you wrote -

* “Ah the villain hid the hero’s laptop charger so they couldn’t turn in their assignment on top,” he says with a sigh

* - Even if it’s not always positive

* Honestly he plays it so cool you think he doesn’t really think anything of your profession until you come over to his place for the first time and see all your works in a neat line on his shelf

* And even then you think he’s just supporting you because he loves you, after all, they’re all in great condition, he probably hasn’t even opened them.

* And then a little further into the relationship, probably when you move in together or something

* You find all those marked-up copies

* Gojo Satoru has never been redder

* You’re genuinely concerned he might combust

* He’s acting like you just found his porn stash or something

* You wait for a few minutes for him to stammer out an excuse or something

* But when he can’t seem to form any words after several minutes you sigh and close the box

* “I didn’t see anything”

* He just nods

* You start giving him copies of your work yourself now that you know he’s so interested

* “O-oh no it’s fine-“

* It’s actually one of the rare times you see Satoru flustered

* “It’s fine, I insist, I’ve got too many contributor copies anyway”

* He takes them in his hand blushing

* He would show up to all of your readings or signing events -

* Disguised Ofc

* “Hey you should be careful, that guy looks super sketchy-“

* You look to where your manager is pointing, to a tall lanky guy wearing a black hair wig, and these tacky thick-rimmed pink glasses and you sigh

* “No need to worry, that’s just my moronic boyfriend”

* “You don’t have to show up in disguise you know”

* “Well what was I supposed to do? You didn’t invite me” he’s doing that thing where he gets all shy, a blush on his face and his fingers tugging a strand of hair

* You sigh

* The dork is oddly lovable

* “Well, from now on you’ve got an open invitation to all my events”

* He smiles so bright you would think you just offered to blow him in the middle of the bookstore

* He’s got his shortcomings

* “SATORU DID YOU HIDE ALL MY REFERENCE BOOKS?!?!”

* But you couldn’t have asked for a more supportive boyfriend

* “Kiss me and maybe I’ll tell you where they’re at”

* Or a better muse

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Soulmate au

Before you meet your soulmate you have to deal with a chibi version of them before actually meeting them. So can you handle it?

This one is readers point of view

Kai's point of view

Normally people immediately found their chibis of their soulmates when they turned 18. But every rule has their exception.

You were twenty years old and could only watch people talking, cuddling and cooing at the tiny little things or actually their real soulmate... this always leaves a feeling of envy, but you never losed hope. Seeing those couples afterwards gave you ideas on what to do when you finally found your soulmate.

And with the job you had on the library, it was always possible to daydream about it.

Waving goodbye at your coworker you sighed, arranging the books and getting excited to finally end your shift... That was your plan before you yelped when many books from a shelf nearby all fall with an unknown sound.

Grabbing just a ruler as your unique weapon as you slowly tip toed to where it came the sound.

You widened your eyes and trembled at seing the books were moving and you hesitantly poked it with the ruler... making a squeak sound as you tilted your head.

"A... mouse?" You mumbled before screaming and falling in your butt as the book suddenly exploded in front of you in pieces. Breathing in and out you decided to pick at it only to widened your eyes.

A tiny little thing with golden eyes, dark brow hair and the most cute yet weird jacket you ever saw was patting his tiny glived hands while staring nonchantly at them before looking up at you, the same bored expression as before as he shoved his hands on the pockets of his jacket.

"I-It.. it cant be.." you muttered, getting on your knees to look down at the chibi version in front of you. He only arched one eyebrow yet not moving one muscle of his.

You went to touch his cheek with your index finger before he growled and slapped your finger away. It didn't hurt a bit but you still put your hands on surrender.

"Alright! Alright! Weren't you suppose to be more gentle with me?" You exclaimed before deadpanning when you remembered that chibis can't talk.

You looked at the pieces of what was once suppose to be a book and pointed at it.

"Please tell me you can repair that..." he only looked at you before sighing what was probably in annoyance and going to touch and just as a one blink of the eye the book returned as you looked down at him in awe before smilling.

"So this is your quirk huh?"

.

.

.

Since the chibis cant tell the name of them you decided to name your little companion as "goldie" because of the cold of his eyes.... even if for the first few times he only glared at you.

The thing about goldie was that he never was willing to be touched. This confused you a bit at first yet you decided not to pry from it since at night the little chibi would always curl up in your chest and doze off, thinking you were already asleep.

You also notice his passion about cleaning. Ever time it was something dirty or you didn't shower he would emmit huge amounts of 'squeaks' until you cleaned that thing.

"Geez you're a bit demanding arent you?" You giggled while rubbing the sink as he nodded in aproval or confirmation... you couldn't know.

You usually left him alone, but then one day you returned from work and the poor little thing was so scared that it did something you never once thought he would do. Hug any part of you that it could find.

This must meant that in that moment your own soulmate was suffering and your heart clenched at that as you brought Goldie to your cheek as you comforted him the best you could.

Ever since then he demanded to stay on your shoulder and go out along with you.

You were on the library and smiled at a client who went to talk with you for informations, although the male was only getting closer and then noticed the chibi on your shoulder glaring at him like he was about to rip his throat.

"Ah, so you got an soulmate I see." He talked as you giggled an yes "You know what? I dont quite believe those things, what about you and me go to a-" before the guy could finish his sentence Goldie hissed and literally grapped one book, despite being HUGE in comparation with him and hitted on the guy's face.

"WHAT THE FUCK-?!" The young male hissed as you grabbed Goldie in both of your hands as he patted his tiny hands and huffed, crossing his arms over his tiny little chest.

"I'm so sorry sir!" You whispered shouted as the guy left mumbling curses... one that especially caught on your heart strings.

"Quirkless bitch and stupid chibi little shit."

You immediately had your mood down as you tried to hold back the tears already in your eyes before you heard a squeak coming from your hands.

Goldie had a frown on his face before he mentioned for you to lift him up to your eye level only to surprise you with a sweet little kiss on each of your eyes. You immediatly smiled back amd rubbed your cheek with his as he grumbled.

"Aww you act all though but you're a softie on the end aren't you?" You cooed as the tiny male in your hands growled, despite having a pink on his tiny cheeks.

.

.

.

Thre months had passed and you heard your door bell ring. All the hopes that it was your soulmate rised on your chest only to fell as you only saw the mailman handing you a box.

Signing and thanking the worker, you closed the door and found Goldie nimbling on a cake you baked/bought it and you giggled at him, with how threatening he looked once but now looked aa the most adorable thing ever.

You put the box down on the middle of the room and started to open only to be freed aa Goldie touched one bare finger of it to help you.

"Look little guy! You like cleaning do you?" You picked the robot and turned it on, Goldie already on guard as if it was going to attack you "Its a romba! It's a little robot that cleans the floor!" You smiled down at the shock on his face before he climbed on the robot and rode it as it was a car or horse.

You never laughed so hard on your life, especially when Goldie used his foot hit the wall to make the romba go to the place he wanted to be clean.

.

.

.

You woke up with pokes in your cheek, groaning you saw Goldie, waving at you as you smiled and petted his head carefully.

He pointed to the calendar and you groaned. It was the day you needed to go out to buy groceries, looking at Goldie who only deadpanned at you.

"Do I need to?" He only huffed and crossed his arms as you rolled your eyes and prepared to go out.

.

.

.

You were asking for some Takoyaki before Goldie suddenly gone crazy. Getting up on your shoulder and squeaking loudly at some place on the market as you grabbed him on your hands when he almost fell on the floor.

"What?! Hey you're okay?" You tried to bring him close but he only jumped from your grip and ran away. Making you panick and ram after him I'm fear he could be stepped on.

The little guy was fast and even used his quirk to make a wave of concrete to carry him. He turned on an aisle and you almost losed it.

"GOLDIE!" you shouted before stopping abruptly when you saw the chibi of your soulmate on the ground, hugging close another chibi with (E/c) eyes and hair with the color of... wait... it was you! It was a chibi version of you! Hugging and kissing Goldie just as much as he was doing with them.

You gaped at the cuteness of the scene before you saw a male running towards your chibi version only to be stopped by the same reason as you did. The man was way taller than you imagined, and different from Goldie he weared a mask to hide half of his face.

You gaped at how beautiful the man was as his wide amber eyes looked back at your with the same shock.

You took hesitant steps as he did the same, both of you looking at each other as if you both had found a precious and unique treasure.

His eyes slowed went back to normal as he looked at you. You giggled at him making him arch his eyebrow, exactly like Goldie, making you laugh before putting a hand to cover your mouth.

"Sorey!" You said between giggles "Is just that... you act exactly like your chibi."

"Same goes for you." He looked at your chibi version and then back at you, extending one gloved hand at you.

"So, what is my soulmate's name?" He asked nonchantly but the glint of happines of his eyes was way too much evident.

"(L/n) (Y/n). And mine soulmate's name is..?"

"People call me Overhaul... but-" your hand interviewed and you felt all of your body go warm and fuzzy at the way he looked at you "You can call me by my real name. Chisaki Kai."

"Alright." You smiled before the both of your chibis versions squeaked as your soul- Kai. Kai zend a half glare at your chibi version.

"What is it now brat? You found m-"

"You called me brat?" You asked in false disbelief as he at her one eyebrow at you.

"A better name than Goldie." He shivered as you scoffed.

"Is a good name... Goldie." You smirked at him as he scoffed, holding your hand a bit tighter.

"Brat."

[rikiflrts]

— ꒰‧ 𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐲'𝐬 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭 ༉‧₊˚✧

after what seemed like forever, i finally made my own prompt list! if you wish to request for the prompts that you’d like to use with a certain member, then feel free to choose any of the numbers displayed and tell me about them in the ask box (^^).

also: please be specific with the genre that you'd like to imply with your chosen prompts, thank you~ ♡

1.) "i just wanted to give you a hug"

2.) "dumbass we're lost now thanks to you!" " i already got lost in your eyes from the moment i met you but you don't see me complaining."

3.) "please don't talk to me right now, im not in the mood"

4.) "how are you so beautiful?"

5.) "my hoodie looks great on you"

6.) "how could you..."

7.) "i trusted you"

8.) "i didn't tell you to trust me."

9.) "you're leaving? just like that?"

10.) "no stop you're making me blush"

11.) "and if i am?"

12.) "just shut up and let me play with your hair"

13.) "so this is what falling in love feels like"

14.) "how are you even real..?"

15.) "are you being for real right now?"

16.) "...did you just sniff me?"

17.) "if you're that mad then why don't you just take it out on me?"

18.) "i don't mind"

19.) "you dumbass, i said i like you!"

20.) "i used to have this huge crush on you (laughs)" "used to?" "well, yeah.. i dont really like you anymore"

21.) "can i hold your hand?"

22.) "are you nervous?"

23.) "less talking, more working!"

24.) "im in love with an idiot"

25.) "but you promised me that we'd get married!!" "for the love of god, ____ we were 5 when that promise was made!"

26.) "but i still love/like you.."

27.) "this reminded me of you"

28.) "his/her/their smile is really pretty.."

29.) "just confess already!!"

30.) "you're an idiot." "yeah. your idiot."

31.) "are you even paying attention?"

32.) "does it look like i care?"

33.) "i don't really care"

34.) "it's been a while since i last smiled like this"

35.) "oh crap im starting to feel the butterflies again"

36.) "I'm scared, okay?! i can't do it"

37.) "what are you so scared of?"

38.) "im scared of falling.." "dont be, i'll catch you."

39.) "promise..?" "promise."

40.) "i guess promises really were meant to be broken."

41.) "you made a fool out of me!"

42.) "im sorry, its not you.. its me."

43.) "what about our promises??" "what about them?"

44.) "please dont go"

45.) "is/are they/he/she all you're ever going to look at?im already right in front of your attention is still focused on them/him/her."

46.) "that's it..?"

47.) "cuddle with me"

48.) "no."

49.) "his/her/their eyes were like pools; so deep. I fear that if I fall, I might never come out and reach for air."

50.) "i love spending time with you"

51.) "let's just be friends"

52.) "im sorry, im afraid of commitment"

53.) "im afraid of it too. why don't you just take this risk and overcome your fears with me?"

54.) "if its you, then i dont mind."

55.) "i love your smell"

56.) "what's that supposed to mean?"

57.) "first love really never does die huh"

58.) "hey, you look really familiar" "oh, really?" "yeah. you look like my soulmate."

59.) "if you like me so much then just marry me already"

60.) "wait i can do that?!" "your gullibility really amazes me sometimes."

61.) "are you dumb? be honest"

62.) "im not in the mood"

63.) "are you okay?"

64.) "you look horrible" "oh wow gee thanks for pointing that out sherlock"

65.) "what's in it for me?"

66.) "do you..like me?"

67.) "do you like him/her/them?"

68.) "but i wrote you letters.."

69.) "they mean nothing to me."

70.) "wow! i haven't seen you in ages, how have you been?" "we literally just saw each other 5 hours ago."

71.) "wipe that smirk off your face, its annoying"

72.) "aww, why? are you perhaps threatened that you'll end up falling for me?"

73.) "i think im going to puke"

74.) "are you blushing?"

75.) "aren't you tired of comstantly running in my mind?"

76.) "i can't get him/her/them out of my head"

77.) "your laugh sounds really pretty"

78.) "i love how your eyes sparkle whenever you're invested in something"

79.) "im falling"

80.) "oh no im catching feelings"

81.) "do you ever stop talking?"

82.) "let me get that for you"

83.) "its okay, i can pay for myself" "no. i wont let you" "but i have my own mone-" "shut up and let me spoil you!"

84.) "i refuse to stay in the same room with the likes of him/her/them!"

86.) "it was pretty obvious.."

87.) "come here."

88.) "stop doing that to yourself!"

89.) "you deserve better."

90.) "just leave. i dont want to see your face anymore."

91.) "i hate you." "the feeling's mutual."

92.) "didn't i tell you to leave me alone?!"

93.) "was it so wrong to love you..?"

94.) "if you really love me then just stay away from my sight."

95.) "you feel like home"

96.) "i love hugging you, it makes me feel safe"

97.) "i could kiss you right now!" "you're very welcome to do it."

98.) "i can't keep playing pretend"

99.) "let's put an end to this.."

100.) "i think im actually catching feelings"

101.) "this is getting dangerous.."

102.) "give me another chance"

103.) "give me one reason why i shouldnt leave."

104.) "im going to do it! im finally going to confess to him/her/them!"

105.) "you've got to be kidding me.."

106.) "i knew what i signed up for. im not surprised."

107.) "he/she/they has/have stars in his/her/their eyes and im captivated"

108.) "i love you" "nice try, but im not falling for that"

109.) "is it that hard to fall in love with me?!"

110.) "well if you put it that way, then yes."

111.) "you look happy"

112.) "you look happier without me."

113.) "can you guys please change the dare"

114.) "who gave you the right to toy around with my emotions like that?!"

115.) "i got played.."

116.) "stay out of my sight."

117.) "you're an eyesore" "you're an eye candy"

118.) "why are you still here?"

119.) "why..?"

120.) "stop making fun of me!" "make me."

121.) "was i just some kind of sick joke to you?"

122.) " i really like you "

123.) "i don't know how to express my feelings that well but i just want you to know that i'd take a bullet for you"

124.) "i'd do anything just to see you smile like that again"

125.) "what are you staring at?"

126.) "i think i have a crush on you" "you think? you're not even sure?"

127.) "take my hand"

128.) "let's get out of here."

129.) "you should wear my clothes more often"

130.) "i can teach you how"

131.) "I'm here for you"

132.) "you can use me to forget about him/her/them"

133.) "even if the world turns againt us, as long as we have each other, then we'll be alright."

134.) "you're all that i need"

135.) "you're all that i ever wanted"

136.) "you're all that i have"

137.) "please don't leave me"

138.) "I'm sorry."

139.) "look at me."

140.) "look at me and tell me that you don't love me anymore."

141.) "you're an idiot."

142.) "i don't love you anymore."

143.) "did you just drink from my cup?" "and if i did?"

144.) "im going to kill you!" "you don't scare me"

145.) "stay with me a little longer"

146.) "i knew it.."

147.) "i should've known.."

148.) "are you jealous?"

149.) "i made you a playlist"

150.) "when will you ever look my way..?"

151.) "im fine with looking at him/her/them from afar"

152.) "he's/she's/they're out of my league"

151.) "im scared of getting rejected"

152.) "back to square one"

153.) "I'm tired"

154.) "what do you like about me?"

154.) "i'd rather starve than spend time with him/her/them."

155.) "if i'm an idiot, then you're a coward"

156.) "i dreamt about you last night"

157.) "it was a nightmare"

158.) "it's the little things that he/she/they do/does that drive me insane"

159.) "i like you more than i should"

160.) "be mine"

161.) "it was too good to be true.."

162.) "i had a crush on him/her/them"

163.) "i never really thought that i'd end up falling for you"

164.) "you're adorable"

165.) "you mean the world to me"

166.) "you meant the world to me"

167.) "what happened in the past stays in the past"

168.) "careful, you might end up falling for me"

169.) "very funny, mister lover boy"

170.) "lets go out on a date"

171.) "i'm so lucky to have you"

172.) "where are you going?"

173.) "sometimes it really just gotta be like that"

174.) "hello good afternoon, what's your order?" "hell- oh wow.. you please" "im sorry, could you say that again?" "wait no! i meant- uh..oh dear.."

175.) "he's too good for me"

176.) "stop giving me mixed signals"

177.) "i guess it really just wasn't meant to be"

178.) "im not interested in you"

179.) "i cant get him/her/them out of my head"

180.) "where is/are he/she/they?"

181.) "you took my pillow so im going to use you as a pillow"

182.) "why are you avoiding me?"

183.) "did i do something wrong?"

184.) "please talk to me"

185.) "im not even his/her/their ideal type"

186.) "it wouldn't hurt to try"

187.) "you smell like me"

188.) "i like my scent on you"

189.) "that sounds weird if you put it that way"

190.) "can i call you tonight?"

191.) "you should smile more often"

192.) "i hate it when people tell me what to do"

193.) "lets wear matching outfits!"

194.) "im arresting you." "why? i didnt do anything wrong" "yes you did, you stole my heart and i want justice!"

195.) "i guess i got too caught up with my fatasies to notice that he/she/they never really liked me back in the first place.."

196.) "you're the answer to all my prayers"

198.) "you should go home."

199.) "let me come with you"

200.) "run away with me"

last updated: 12/30/20

take me back to navigation ↺

[dreams-of-wings]

Being a part of the Core VK's, and daughter to Hades

Relationships with the Core Four:

You and Mal are half sisters - same dad, different moms. Mal hated you for a long time, even when she had yet to meet you, she knew of you and that made her blood absolutely boil. You were the daughter Hades raised, while he just left her and her mother. You both eventually get along, and once you do, you're inseparable, as thick as thieves, partners in crime, the works.

Evie thinks you're cool. She doesn't have a problem with you- then again I don't think she has a problem with anyone really. She likes your style, she wouldn't wear it, but she likes it because you work it and make it look good. She gets to know you more when you and Mal start hanging out and she kinda becomes like your sister as well.

Jay thinks you're awesome. He witnessed your hair burst into flames one day when someone pissed you off, trying to steal something your rightfully *coughcough* found. Definitely asked you about your powers and wondered why you could still use magic. It was kinda hard to explain, but basically on the island you can only do a few things - all of which require direct contact. Lounging/parkour buddy.

Okay, but please tell me why the thought of harmless, got bullied a lot, soft boy Carlos/intimidating, protective Daughter of Hades, just makes me melt. Like, you save his ass a lot. You knew Carlos before you knew the rest of the core four - back when it was Mal and Jay, Evie did her own thing, and Carlos was just kinda left to fend for himself. It's okay though, you'll protect him.

Background:

No one knows who your mother is

Not you

Not Mal

Not even Maleficent

Hades doesn't like to talk about her

She died before you had the ability to retain memories

She wasn't the first or the last of the people that were claimed by the terrible conditions of the Island of the Lost.

Medical care wasn't exactly top notch, and no one really cared about the ones who passed the first few years.

Just ment more supplies for the rest of them

You weren't allowed to wander the isle as a child, he kept you locked away - worried Maleficent might try something (and worried that if anyone found out about you being his daughter, they would have something over his head).

It was thanks to Hades tucking you away, that Maleficent was never able to find you.

You started sneaking out when you turned 10

You proved you could handle yourself, so Hades let you run free.

Besides 10 years had passed since you were born and he figured maybe Maleficent didn't care about you anymore.

It took you and Mal a while to trust eachother.

When you trusted her enough, you told her about your dad.

She didn't say anything and just left you - she was so angry and conflicted, on one hand she wanted to hate you because you were the child Hades' stuck around for, the one he raised, and fathered, and protected from Maleficent.

After a few weeks she found you in your own little corner if the island you carved for yourself, and explained everything.

Suprise, you're sisters!

Evie knows you're sisters

To be honest, you could be leader of their group, and also could be considered one of the most problematic kids on the Island, but you're too laid back.

You could go out of your way to cause trouble and make life on the island even more miserable than it already is.

But that takes too much effort.

Uma and Harry have no beef with you other than the fact that you're Mal's friend.

They try to get you to join their crew almost daily.

"Nah, you guys are good at what you do without me."

You're welcome at Ursula's fish and chips any time.

Uma doesn't even find your rejection insulting, you're just. So chill?

Her crew has rules, training, errands to run, collecting protection fees, and helping her at her mother's restuarant.

No thanks

Too much work

You like Mal's mom's way of doing things, "When you're evil, doing less is doing more."

Mal's crew just kinda hangs out together and roams the island being cats basically - lounging and loitering where you're not supposed to, subtly stealing things, knocking things over, just chilling and having fun doing whatever you want.

Your kinda crew.

Storyline:

When they go to Auradon, they take you with them

You weren't invited because again - no one knows who your parents are.

But you guys are kinda a package deal.

Ben was all for it when they called him.

"The more the merrier!"

He thought it was just an early sign that this was a great idea and he was making a difference.

You dont get to say bye to your dad because it was a very last minute thing.

You just kinda disappear.

But to be honest he's used to you just not showing up for weeks or even months at a time.

It's the reason why you were able to keep who your father is a secret for so long.

You come out the limo looking as cool as a cucumber, with your arms crossed as you stand next to Mal.

"This is more than you said there would be!" Fairy Godmother is not so subtly whisper-yelling at Ben.

"They wouldn't come without her- it was all of them, or none of them."

"Well maybe that should have been a sign, Benny-boo!"

"You know we can still hear you," you say while purposely chewing your gum in an obnoxious manner, just to get on their nerves.

They're already getting on yours.

In all seriousness, you whisper a, "Just say the word and she's toast," to Mal.

Screw Audrey.

Of course they split you all up for the most part.

They're worried if they put all the VK's together in one class, it may be too much for the teachers to handle.

They're not wrong.

To be honest though, you're a handful all on your own.

Your teachers wonder how things managed to burst into flames for no apparent reason all through out class.

Some jerks thought it would be okay to pick on Carlos when Jay isn't around him.

For some reason they think that just because your a girl, you're weak?

Must be the stupid "princely boy needs to save the day" mentality that runs rampant in Auradon.

You set someone's hair on fire.

And someone else duffle bag.

This would probably be a good time to mention that the VK's already know you can conjure fire.

They just think that your parent/parents are witches and you just have an affinity for fire.

Carlos normally either sticks to you or Jay when he isn't practicing with Ben.

You dont see your fathers statue in the hall of villains when you guys break into the museum - mostly because he's in another hall completely.

There's a whole hall dedicated to God's and goddesses as well as Hercules story.

You dont bother to offer up your powers when you're escaping, you know Mal's got it covered.

Helping Mal bake love potion cookies.

While the others are doing this because their parents would have their necks, you're genuinely doing this for your father. You know all he wants is to get off the island.

Causing a small lawn fire when the Sleeping Beauty's family and Chad get in Mal's face.

Your bursted into blue flames when Maleficent crashed Ben's coronation.

Having Mal's back after she was announced to become a new Lady of the Court.

Honestly you dont know what the big deal is about Mal using her magic.

Of course you go with Evie, Ben, Carlos, and Jay when they go to the isle to get Mal.

When Evie goes to talk to Mal you go visit your father.

He's a bit upset with you because he's seen you on TV so he knows you left.

But he can understand you not wanting to be trapped on this island forever.

"I'll find a way to get you out, soon."

"Say 'hello' to Mal for me"

Of course you couldn't.

Harry flirting with you and trying to recruit you again when he snags Ben.

When the battle at the docks ensues, you dont need a sword to fight.

Like Hades with his Ember, and like Mal and her Mother with their eyes, you dont need magic to use your flames because they are a part of you.

Sure the island managed to hold you back, but you can bring just enough to the surface to make any sword you grab on to too hot to handle.

Your powers are useless against Uma when she crashes cotillion.

You know, being surrounded by water and all.

"See ya, Y/N."

"See ya, Uma."

Surprisingly hard for you to make enemies

Except for Audry you know.

Of course you are Mal's planned maid of honor for her wedding.

Evue already has a dress made for you, and it was super hard for her not to gush to Mal about it because that would have given away the suprise.

You pretending to be defenceless against Hades when you all go to pick up the next chosen VK's to come to Auradon.

You keep your flames concealed of course because this would be a terrible time to show that both you and Hades share the same flaming blue hair.

You honestly surprised no one put two and two together sooner.

Definitely not there for the meeting where Mal decides to close the barrier for good.

But you were there for when Mal told Evie.

You were also the first to figure out Mal was hiding something. She wouldn't tell you right out though, but you knew something was up because that pause to answer Evie was too long.

Going back to the isle with the others to get Hades ember after Audrey turn Mal old.

"Hey girls~" was the greeting you both got from Hades when Mal tried to grab his Ember.

"Long time no see, Y/N."

Mal just glares at him.

You sit on the table where the Ember was while you let Mal and Hades have their little musical number. Mal kinda let her anger come through.

"Hey!" You would not be dragged into this, thank you.

You went to stand next to Mal when she asked for the Ember one final time and looked at your father with a shit eating grin, because you know deep down he won't say no to his girls.

"The Ember won't work for you."

"Yes it will. We're blood."

"You're only half Hades."

"Well then I guess two halves make a whole, right?"

"Those are my girls~"

You, Mal, and Uma joining together to break Audrey's attempt to keep you guys trapped in the cabin.

Helping Evie be the peace keeper when you all battle the suits of armor in Ben's castle.

You chase after Uma and Harry when Mal breaks the news about the barrier.

Which means you didn't get turned to stone.

Helping Uma reignite the Ember so Mal can take on Audrey.

Telling Mal you want to go back to the Isle along with Uma, Harry, Gil, and Celiea.

She's heart broken because you're her sister and it was kinda supposed to be you both against the world.

You can't turn your back on the kids from the isle. Like Mal, so many of the younger ones look up to you. On top of that you also can't imagine not ever seeing your dad again.

She understands, and when Hades comes to wake up Audrey, you go back to the Isle with your father.

You finally agree to join Uma's crew when you return.

Shes happy but also let's you know shes sorry you had to leave your sister.

You're hanging out with your new crew at the Fish and Chips when it's almost time for Mal to announce that they will be closing the Barrier forever.

You, Uma, Gil, and Harry are huddles up together around the TV.

But when Mal announces they will be opening the barrier for good you all cheer and you run to go get your dad.

Yay big family reunion!

[wolf-stark]

You ask I deliver — both tfatws asks in one!

tfatws weekly ask 1

i finally saw ep1!! i wont be able to see ep2 until thursday at the earliest but i already have some Thots on this ep. here are the ones I remember

first is, and i'm so sorry for this, a grammar lesson. an appositive is when you stick an additional phrase in between commas, dashes, or the like. i actually just used one! the "and i'm so sorry for this" in the first sentence of this paragraph is an appositive. thing is, most english speakers don't normally use them when they speak, only in writing. so i'm always on high alert whenever i hear somebody in tv or movies use one. (it's generally a marker of bad screenwriting). anyway there was one right in the beginning of the episode. the white army guy yelling at sam wilson said "first lieutenant Torres, our intel officer, will be helping on the ground." yeah so. the writing of this series started out on the wrong foot for me. but the rest of the episode was obviously tons and tons better (every interview i see with malcolm spellman makes me love him more and more)

the contrast between the opening minutes (falcon action sequence) and the rest of the ep.... i would 100000/10 rather watch a series with just sam and bucky dealing with life. i dont give a single crap about the flag-smashers or any of that. i just want sam, sarah & fam getting their boating business back on the ground & yeeting racist dickwads, bucky going through therapy and making amends, sam and joaquin being bros, sambucky homoerotic tension, etc.

the cinnamontography! wandavision mostly used cinematography to signify era n stuff. tfatws doesn't have wv's premise to go off of, so here's some tricks i noticed:

with sam there's obviously all sorts of shots with the captain america iconography next to his face, but he hasn't totally claimed it. there's the mural of steve rogers in the background; there's sam staring into the shield like it's a spectre of steve's face; there's sam looking into the exhibit, the shield and sam separated by glass and a layer of camera focus. steve is a constant spectre, always there, an idea, a symbol himself. sam's relationship with this iconography is distanced. he is separated by glass exhibit walls. by painting canvases. he doesn't yet feel worthy to take on that iconography. this whole thing was pulled off quite well but also a bit on-the-nose if only in quantity. there's just sooooo much fancy iconography stuff

speaking of the exhibit, there's something that i get real pissy about. it's when like, there's an action going on you're supposed to be paying attention to but the cinematographer is like,,,, hey! check out this location! or this headline! or something! there was a lot of that in the exhibit. the camera was like, you could focus on sam and rhodey's convo (which was fine but could have been so much better with an extra like 10 minutes of deep character study talk) but noooo you want me to look at the symbol for the united nations and read all the text about bucky who hasn't even showed up yet. shut up i know the lore and ill watch the shot-by-shot breakdown yt vids you don't have to make the shot this long jkdsalcjklasejf

my fav trick was with bucky and the therapist. i had seen a clip of the scene with bucky and the therapist beforehand and i thought the cinnamontography was super obnoxious, but then i was like, oh duh. the shots frequently change the distance between the camera and its subject. sometimes it's uncomfortably close and sometimes it's really far. a clear allegory for the duality of therapy, esp for bucky! therapy is an invasive process wherein he is ruthlessly examined, picked apart, and berated for his trauma (this therapist is crap in every way btw, "mean therapist" works for greg house and greg house only). so the camera goes close. it makes the viewer claustrophobic like bucky. but when he's like "no i haven't had any nightmares" the camera suddenly goes really far. we see bucky as this tiny head in the center of the bottom of the frame. we are distanced from him. he has pushed us away. we cannot see him. he lies because he is vulnerable. so yeah, amazing work there. the therapy scene was hard to watch on purpose!

did bucky slip a note to yori inside the dollar bill? bucky stop making me emooooo. the suuper awkward fake smile has me 😭 (veteran trying to adjust!)

mark my worrrrds when sam asks someone y the govt picked john “white bread” walker they’re gonna say “we needed somebody everyone can get behind....someone uncontroversial, someone everyone can see themselves in” like that exact racist dog whistle

tfatws weekly ask 2

just saw ep2 so im taking advantage of the 2 seconds i can be on tumblr without worrying about tfatws spoilers before new episode drops

when isaiah said "your people put me in prison for being a hero" and bucky thought "your people" means hydra. 🤦‍♂️

speaking of racism, the interplay between sam being Black (anti-Black racism) and sam being the Falcon (negrophilia, "can i take a selfie w you as i deny you a loan?") and the intersection between the two (j*hn lichrally called sam "steve's wingman"! he takes the crypto out of crypto-racist in like 2 seconds!) !!!!!!!! a Black celebrity's Black experience, the separation of man and identity!!!! (thinking about vanessa bayer in snl in that skit "beyonce is black" telling her black friend "you're not black, you're...my girl!")

after sam gets racially profiled by cops we see j*hn standing in front of cop cars cinematic parallels turns out j*hn is racist who knew

this therapist sucks major ass but she got bucky and sam together in the same room and ready to collaborate...that's something ig. it was lichrally couple's therapy she said she used her miracle exercise with couples sambucky antis get blended

bucky says "he was wrong about you so maybe he was wrong about me"...that's not how people talk. when therapist asks bucky, the guy who doesn't talk at all about himself, "y do you hate sam", the last thing bucky's gonna do is actually connect his hatred of sam to his own self-worth issues. bucky generally refuses to talk about himself, so why would he talk about himself in the one context that nobody ever links back to their own neuroses: hatred of other people? one thing human beings hate most is admitting we're wrong. admitting you hate someone because of your own issues? that's a major therapeutic step. bucky would absolutely have to be prompted to do that. even like one or two lines of dialogue more would have set up that line better. but in terms of the actual thought? an amazing way to take the sam/bucky relationship. bucky bases his self-worth on steve believing in him, and if steve is wrong bucky has no self-worth, so 1) he has to develop self-worth disassociated from steve's assessment of him and 2) he has to love himself before he can love sam, and 3) he has to realize that sam giving up the shield is a sign of sam's humility not his unworthiness.

conversely, we don't get into why sam hates bucky? yeah sam has the right to hate a guy that has tried to kill him (albeit while brainwashed) multiple times, and now shows up in his life just to bash him but. everything happens so fast i cant follow their relationship

in fact i dont feel like i understood much of anything. like y did bucky and sam go on that mission together? how connected are sam/bucky/joaquin with the government? doesn't bucky just want to retire now? literally what is everyone doing/feeling and why???

if battlestar becomes a knowing commentary on the black best friend stereotype i'm gonna party, but i dont expect much of that

the interplay between man and symbol. captain america is obviously a symbol. the shield is obviously a symbol. but steve rogers? the. man behind the cowl? he too seems to become a symbol. a paragon of a good guy, so good he's unreachable. steve was just a guy stop idolizing him the last thing steve would want is to be idolized

as the resident musician/music nerd on mcublr, 1) that captain america rally music slaps, but 2) re: the song at the end of the ep, if you're just gonna rip off mozart's lacrymosa then at least play mozart's lacrymosa. we wont blame you the lacrymosa slaps (if you dont know what im talking about go on yt and search it up youll recognize it fo sho

look i love enfys nest as much as the next guy but if tfatws is gonna get erin kellyman to play another innocent little gurl blackmailed into the fakeout-villain position (her text seemed to suggest as such) then 😡 like why can't women just....be evil? young, freckly, innocent-looking women? girls are not untouchable pure objects but full of rage and resentment just as much as anyone can be

bonus ep1 comment: bucky says about that senator whose car he hijacked, "she continued to abuse the power i gave her." fictionaldarling on yt say that he says "i" because he can't disassociate himself from his winter soldier persona which begets endless and senseless guilt. like dude. can i not be emo for like 1 second.

OKay. First off, as much I enjoy your sending it to me, what made you decide to send me these??

-

TFATWS WA #1

Don't worry about getting this to me as early as possible. I usually don't watch the episode right away.

1. Cool writing lesson.

2. Everyone wants a comedy show [like Friends] about the MCU superheroes.

3. Cinematography is always a beautiful thing.

4. Sam definitely has to carve his own Captain America status for himself, outside of Steve's ya know everything.

5. They have to do that for people who was just now tuning in because they're in love with Sam Wilson or Sharon Carter.

6. I think the therapist was taking a 'tough love' approach for Bucky, because she likely has some very strong opinions about the literal assassin she's been assigned to give therapy too. She did not choose to talk to him, she was assigned that make that clear in the second episode.

And, Bucky isn't lying when he said it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a resurfaced memory. So, technically he wasn't lying - and yes, the camera does move away because while he's saying he didn't have a nightmare, he's not expanding on what actually happened - so, he's still pushing the therapist/us away.

7. Bucky, and Steve, have/had a TON to adjust to.

8. Yeah, I agree that will be the bullshit line they give. If they ever actually talk about it.

TFATW WA #2

Yeah, always got to take advantage of avoiding those spoilers lmfaoo.

1. Honestly, that line was double meaning. Both about White people and Hydra [which is made up of mostly white supremacists/nazis] So, the line is gesturing to both White People in general and Hydra assholes together. I think the terminology is “double edge sword”??

2. This whole paragraph structure confused me, ngl - so I'm going to answer it the best I can. I do like that they're not ignoring the fact that Sam being Black is 1000% the reason he's not the Official Captain America - because the gov't is racist as hell.

I also like the little lines about how they point out little things about Sam's Falcon persona, like that kid calling him 'Black Falcon' specifically and Sam's response show the split between Sam and Falcon itself.

John is a dick for calling Sam the wingman of Steve Rogers. Sam was a hero all on his own before Steve asked him to join up again. [Side note, it's lichrally??]

3. Exactly, the parallel of Sam being profiled and surrounded while just on the street and John being surrounded by fans and being able to spring Bucky with apparently only a few sentences shows a Loooooot

4. Honestly, at this point I wonder if she's not actually a therapist and is just an agent assigned to assess Bucky outside of an Official Building. I do know, however, that her 'look at each other and speak' exercise is actually a real therapy practice. It's just a little slower.

5. Actually, I think he would've blurted that out. That whole line. I don't think Bucky hates Sam. I think they could've done the scene better, but I think that had Sam prodded him/the therapist been more annoying Bucky would've lost control of his emotions and blurted out the whole "If he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me" but I feel like the writing for this show is just... not there. Sometimes you blurt shit when you get overemotional and I think that was what Bucky was supposed to be like.

6. I don't think Sam hates Bucky, I think he doesn't trust him though. I do wish they'd talked about that though. The whole 'talk to each other' scene should've been a LOT longer and a LOT slower.

7. Sam and Bucky's relationship is being fast tracked because they don't really know how to work the relationship out, writers-room-wise. Bucky is technically retired, but I feel like he's trying to live up to Steve's expectations and doing what Steve would've done and we all know that if Steve was there, Steve would've jumped on that plane with Sam. It looks like Sam/Bucky/Joaquin are a side-team based from Military services but as Sam says they're all free agents so...?

8. Sadly, They seem to just be propping up to be another stereotype.

9. Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man. But now Steve Rogers is an idol because of all the shit he's been through and honestly, it's not a bad thing he's become an idol for people - it's using Steve as a reason to make White Bread Walker the next Captain that makes Steve's idolization so fucked.

10. I don't know anything about music so I have no opinion here, sorry.

11. Enfys?? Also, I think they did the whole Innocent Girl Thing as side commentary for Bucky lowering his guard about seeing a young girl rather than a guy.

12. Bucky is the Winter Solider. The Winter Solider is Bucky. That is how Bucky will always see it because although he was brainwashed, it was still him and he remembers all of it. When you have constant memories of something 'someone else' did, you tend to not be able to pull the two personas out of each other. I want Bucky to take up the title, White Wolf instead of Winter Soldier. Honest.

This is all my opinion, I’m honestly a little disappointed with the writing of TFATWS so far so... I’m not really optimistic about this.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by BBC News (@bbcnews) on Jun 18, 2020 at 6:02am PDT

Love her... She wears a casa around town in Cuba to remind others to stay home and go out when only necessary, make as few trips as possible and combine all your needs into one trip out.

It says "I'm at home .... "

It also says to me... "Im as safe outside as I am inside my home" it remains not to be in terror of the pandemic. Be comfortable about what the COVID and dangers of racism is out and about. Shit is gonna hit the fan. Be comfortable with it. Its gonna happen and there's no stopping it.

Idk who she is or that she expects her messages to go that far but for me they do.

Cops nervous to go to work. Be as comfortable out as you are in. No one is in those police cars they burn. Take out your personal belongings, be prepared to leave your car if necessary to be burnt.

If you are police all you have to do is Surrender.

You. We.

Its about equality.

The message is: you expect us to surrender to you. So surrender to Me. Give me your name and number. Tell me that you will cooperate and care about me.

Tell me you won't plant drugs on me. Tell me i killed someone of another race that i didn't simply because of the color i am

Treat me fair and with equality to truth and justice.

That is all a police needs to do. Surrender the truth. You ask. You demand. You punish until you find the truth. Make sure it is truth.

Surrender. Feel as we feel. Feel as hundreds of thousands of millions black men near a nervous white woman. But give us just the truth and we will obey your demands 0f "step back" and "move back"

Outside. In the public street. It is our home. Civilians and professionals. Treat us as you would in your home. Because we are all in our home we all share when we are in public.

Love.

That is what this blessed Cuban Woman says to me.

The police merely need to surrender.

The Atlanta PD. I ordered the CIA to inflict terror upon you. Go outside and your police car is in flames. Feet from your unwet down house. I asked them, i told them i demanded. Go fuck them up. They want to tell the public they don't care? Tell them NO ONE CARES ABOUT THEM.

3 have been set on fire. And 17 have been stolen. They decided as a team. On their own. To protect the town's assets in Zone 5. And to steal the police cars. You're not using them you're not qualified. You're unwilling. So they stole them instead. They arent afraid. They will fuck you up and kick your fucking asses. But they respect the Mayor. They're not afraid of her. They aren't afraid of anyone. They know in 15 minutes I'll have them on their way to a private island that is protected by the fiercest military in the world And they will lay around in paradise and no one will ever touch them for legal abuse. But they do respect her.

So they will repair the damage done by hotwiring the police cars and make a key via a locksmith skill for the patrol cars. And they will wait for her to fill them with a qualified officer. Because they respect her. They love Her.

I didn't not love nor respect her But my anger was very very high. And i thought fuck them, I'll buy her whatever police fleets she wants. Cause i want them to suffer.

But they're all "Sabrina, we get you baby but we know something else that's just a bit better for you and we're gonna do that. Its gonna fuck them all up real good and send the message you're saying. But we're gonna be a little bit more chill."

That's love. That's family. They confiscated evidence of these police officers possible wrong doing. A federal judge could and would sign off on the "theft" of those police cars. But we escalated and bypassed.

According to Tree. There's only 5 willing to go back to work. But they're also arrogant fools that tree doesn't even like. But he said leave them be. Let them work.

Leave them be. Bees sting once then die

Leave them alone is another story.

I get it. It was a justified homocide. I feel the same. They talked for over 40 minutes then the cop said i think you're still wasted. Take a breathalyzer. He was still too drunk.

At the same time he was just saying he would just walk. His sister lived down the road. He lied about being lost so he could say mistaken identity. Because he was there to check out for his kidnapping.

Because he knew, the cop, he was a kidnapper -- he felt it unsafe to let him free in the streets.

Watch the video, the entire 40 plus minutes. You will see exactly why I do not allow my CIA to engage in verbal communication.

This is exactly why I tell them "just kill at the first moment you can"

I protect my men and women of "Enforced Protection"

Now add to the knowledge of who he is and look at his necklace. It's designed to look like an undercover police badge in a leather case "to protect it from scratches"

You're on the street. He's drunk and angry. He kidnapps you with chloroform and ties you up, bound and gagged. He's a big man. He can do 23 (it's been proven Bec he's done it) people off the street in less than an hour. Call a van for pick up.

It was a justified homocide.

So you're a cop. And you know this. And You refuse to go to work. You know who and what he was and why he wasn't allowed to be free in the streets.

Then you refuse to continue protecting innocent citizens.

That makes me mad. You're no better than Rayshard Brooks. You're fucking letting it happen. Id fucking punch you dead in the face. All 25 of you.

Why don't you just start going out and kidnapping yourself?!? Huh?!?! You ain't doing shit But letting it happen!!!!

Prove it is justified if you're so fucking angry you wanna quit. Fucking prove it was justified and help them two arrested by doing it yourself.

Prove the justice by killing those human traffickers you know are. Kill them all in your uniform.

Instead you decide to be a civilian and serve war from your couch. Except youre not. You're nothing but a COWARD.

Just sitting on the couch. You're too scared to stand up to the District Attorney or make a meeting with the Mayor. You cower and you hide and you become what you're supposed to protect zone 5 from.

Because you refuse to protect. Every single domestic violence act. Every fire. Every lost child. Every single crime. You put that shit in your heart not that you couldn't get there in time. Not that you couldn't protect them because lies. BUT THAT YOU YOURSELF DID IT. You put that in your heart the moment you called in sick.

You yourself did it. Because people will start doing more bull shit. Because they know THERE IS NO COPS IN ZONE 5. THE PURGE IS ON.

Every single mother fuckera calling in coward crybaby committed those crimes.

It wasn't encouragement. You're guilty because it occurred. Its all on you. Its all your fault.

Next girl slapped by her husband. Or raped by her brother. That's the fault of Zone 5. They did it. May as well pulled out their own dick and got the pleasure. Too.

Its not a gimmick. Its the truth.

When APD of Albuquerque, New Mexico walked out with wooden batons. They too did every bearing by a police officer in a riot. That is who i saw. That is who i know.

I was beat as a little girl. 5 years old. And 7. For going and asking for help. "Sir could you help me..." I never got to finish because i was beat down.

Left bloody in the streets. Even raped and no one did anything. The cops did both..

So yeah FUCK YOU SURRENDER TO OUR DEMANDS OR YOU WILL SUFFER.

Im suing the City of Albuquerque in 6 different law suits. Including trauma i received when viewing a video of the APD in their riot gear with batons.

Not even protecting the statue!!!! But attacking innocent people in the streets while CRIMES AGIANST PUBLIC PROPERTY WITH VIOLENT STRENGTH was being committed feet away.

Personal trauma and suffering.

I still suffering.

I won't sue APD of Atlanta. Because I took away their police cars which will be returned to the city's mayor. She seems to have common sense and decency.

We already have plans for those two fired. To help them. Don't think I'm stupid because I get relaxed.

But the rest of that shit? You work for 911? 911 been calling. Over and over.

CIA does NOT ANSWER 911. That's not their job. We don't work for you. You dont call in sick and get paid to be a little bitch and order us around to do your job while you're being paid doing nothing and my CIA don't get money from the police. That's what APD expected.

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HUMAN TRAFFICKING IS.

Mi Casa. Su Casa. Treat it as it is.

[10071991]

Lynn:

23:17

The counselor has joined the conversation.

Lynn:

23:17

Hi, welcome to Lifeline

Lynn:

23:19

Are you there?

Anonymous9806:

23:22

oh sorry

Lynn:

23:23

Hi there

Anonymous9806:

23:23

hi

Lynn:

23:23

Sorry about the wait

Anonymous9806:

23:23

im sorry the thing doesnt make a noise so i was trying to get some stuff sorted out and i didnt realize anyone was ready

Anonymous9806:

23:23

it ok

Lynn:

23:24

So what brings you here tonight?

Anonymous9806:

23:25

i dont feel well

Lynn:

23:26

How so?

Anonymous9806:

23:27

im very sad

Lynn:

23:27

Over what?

Anonymous9806:

23:27

everyone around me hates me

Lynn:

23:28

Can you tell me more about what's making you feel that way?

Anonymous9806:

23:28

but i cant be who they want me to be to make it stop

Lynn:

23:28

Who do you think they want you to be?

Anonymous9806:

23:29

my family yells at me and doesnt listen to me when i try to explain

Anonymous9806:

23:29

not me at least, but they dont listen to me when i try to explain why im me

Anonymous9806:

23:30

they tell me to kill myself and that im not a person

Anonymous9806:

23:30

theyll scream in public and disturb the neighbors

Lynn:

23:30

Your family says that??

Anonymous9806:

23:30

yes

Lynn:

23:30

Wow. It doesn't sound like you're the problem there.

Anonymous9806:

23:31

and im a dumb cunt, the stupidest, how could i be one of them, im a drain on society, i deserve to have my things destroyed

Anonymous9806:

23:32

but i have to be because why would everyone else treat me this way? i dont know anybody who doesnt act like ive done something awful to them but i dont understand why im so awful for needing help and i dont know how to help myself understand

Lynn:

23:33

That's awful and no one deserves to be treated that way

Anonymous9806:

23:33

dad says my cats should be killed too and the kitten i was fostering from the humane societys head should be ripped off

Anonymous9806:

23:33

he says i do

Lynn:

23:34

Do you live with them?

Anonymous9806:

23:34

he says hes tired, i quote, of me "treating him like a n*****"

Lynn:

23:34

Wow...

Anonymous9806:

23:34

i live with dad and ive lived with my uncle before

Anonymous9806:

23:35

so when he destroys my stuff dad says "the n* is pissed" as his justification

Anonymous9806:

23:35

we are white

Anonymous9806:

23:36

and if i try to calmly say "lets talk about your concerns" or something like they taught me in therapy, he just goes even more ballistic, and screams at me to shut up, and says its my fault hes mad and gets more mad

Lynn:

23:36

That sounds terrifying

Lynn:

23:36

How long has he been like this towards you?

Anonymous9806:

23:36

then hell say stuff like theres something wrong with me, i cant follow instructions, i cant do this or that, im stupid and stuff..... but then says theres nothing wrong with me so i should be capable of stuff

Anonymous9806:

23:37

yeah its scary his gf says she thinks its scary too so when he starts shell leave after a while

Anonymous9806:

23:37

uhhhh a few months? mom died in march so 4 months?

Lynn:

23:37

This started right after your mom died?

Anonymous9806:

23:37

it happens 1-3 times a week

Anonymous9806:

23:38

yeah when i moved in with him

Anonymous9806:

23:38

he says terrible things about her too

Lynn:

23:38

Do you think it could be grief that he's mishandling?

Anonymous9806:

23:38

no

Lynn:

23:38

Ok

Anonymous9806:

23:38

he treated her like this too

Lynn:

23:38

Is there anywhere else you an go?

Anonymous9806:

23:38

when she was alive

Anonymous9806:

23:38

no

Lynn:

23:39

*Can* sorry

Anonymous9806:

23:39

no one believes me but im disabled

Anonymous9806:

23:39

so they blame me bc i deserve it all bc i havent been working since mom died

Anonymous9806:

23:40

im supposed to go to school i think in a couple weeks if they help me figure out a dumb hangup thats happened with it

Anonymous9806:

23:40

im hoping i can do it bc i dropped out of high school bc it was hard

Lynn:

23:41

I get that, but it could help you get a job in the longrun that will allow you to get away from him.

Lynn:

23:42

In what way are you disabled?

Anonymous9806:

23:42

im autistic and mentally ill, i have really bad legs too

Anonymous9806:

23:43

ive been institutionalized numerous times and ppl threaten me with it

Anonymous9806:

23:43

i hate it a lot so i hope i dont say anything so you dont have to put me somewhere

Anonymous9806:

23:44

this is my first time using a support chat and thats scared me from using it before

Lynn:

23:44

I don't have the authority to put you anywhere, so no worries about that.

Anonymous9806:

23:45

oh im sorry i should have clarified im "high functioning" aspergers so my strength is linguistic

Anonymous9806:

23:45

im relieved

Anonymous9806:

23:46

if i flap or rock or pace i get in trouble

Anonymous9806:

23:46

so i try to stim swinging at the park so nobody realizes im doing it as much

Anonymous9806:

23:46

its not as obvious i mean

Lynn:

23:47

Right

Anonymous9806:

23:47

so it gets hard if im in public otherwise bc i want to but i dont want to bc i dont want people to treat me weird like family does

Lynn:

23:48

I can understand that.

Lynn:

23:48

Do you feel like you're in physical danger there?

Anonymous9806:

23:49

i dont know

Anonymous9806:

23:49

i worry about my computer and my cats but i dont care if im threatened

Anonymous9806:

23:51

i guess maybe he threatened me the other night? he put his fist close in my face and was like "now im threatening you" after i told him he was getting violent

Anonymous9806:

23:51

throwing things and destroying property is violent to me but maybe im wrong

Lynn:

23:51

That sounds violent to me.

Lynn:

23:52

Have you considered calling the police when he gets like that? I'm afraid of you getting hurt.

Anonymous9806:

23:52

yeah like way across the room and stuff

Anonymous9806:

23:52

ive told HIM to call the police when hes screaming at me to get out of his house and stuff

Anonymous9806:

23:53

otherwise if they try and have me press charges or something i have nowhere else to go or anything

Lynn:

23:54

Ok, I just want to make sure you're physically safe

Lynn:

23:54

I am so sorry about how he treats you, though, that's horrible.

Anonymous9806:

23:55

its my fault but i dont know how to change and be more quiet

Lynn:

23:55

It's not your fault. He needs to be more understanding of your condition.

Anonymous9806:

23:56

nobody is

Lynn:

23:56

That's such a horrible position to be in.

Anonymous9806:

23:56

i tried to bring a chair upstairs the other day, and it was so heavy? but i didnt have help and if i didnt do it hed punish me. i got so exhausted i passed out at the top of the stairs

Anonymous9806:

23:57

so tonight i was being mimicked with like..... you know that whimpering "hng hng hng" people do to make fun of people? that about it

Anonymous9806:

23:57

ive also fallen down the stairs because he ripped the bar off at the landing

Anonymous9806:

23:58

and i was screamed at for being lazy and not doing my volunteer work at the humane society bc i sprained my ankle and knee

Anonymous9806:

23:58

its been uhhhh a week and it still hurts a lot

Anonymous9806:

23:58

but im told i have to go through pain and im weak

Lynn:

23:58

Yeah, that sounds really painful

Anonymous9806:

23:59

i have to do things that cause me physical agony

Anonymous9806:

23:59

im sorry if that sounds extreme im not just uhh. i cant remember the word for making something sound worse? im not just trying to make it sound worse it hurts so bad i just want my legs amputated a lot

Anonymous9806:

23:59

if they were gone they wouldnt hurt

Lynn:

00:00

You might try calling 211 to see if they have any resources to help someone with special needs find employment, find housing etc. to try to help you be more independent and get out of there.

Anonymous9806:

00:00

but then im scolded and called a dumbass and im trying to "become a drug addict" trying to find a solution to my pain

Lynn:

00:00

You should not have to put up with being treated that way.

Anonymous9806:

00:01

ive tried to work with vocational rehab before but they kind of get to a point where they get to buck up too

Anonymous9806:

00:02

it was through them i became a debt collector because we thought it wouldnt hurt my legs and idk, they figured i could handle talking to people constantly but

Anonymous9806:

00:02

i coudlnt

Anonymous9806:

00:02

people would call me fat and an asshole and im ruining their life and stuff in that job, and people would do it in tech support jobs ive tried before

Anonymous9806:

00:03

but debt collecting was the worst and im sorry i feel weird saying this but in that job it.... kinda turned into something similar to what you do here? i talked a guy out of suicide on the phone and it was really triggering

Anonymous9806:

00:03

i dont want to be around people and thats why i volunteer at the humane society because the animals dont yell at me

Anonymous9806:

00:04

or trigger me really

Anonymous9806:

00:05

and then it also gets hard bc ive been struggling a lot more with stuff. applying for college and trying to get financial aid and sign up for classes and stuff has been a nightmare because i haavent figured out howto navigate their websites and stuff, my friend.... um. shes also named lyn. but shes helped me every step of the way. every step has felt like a hurdle

Lynn:

00:07

If you want help I can let social services know what's going on, but I would need your information so I can tell them who you are and where to go.

Anonymous9806:

00:08

what kind of social services? like someone that would help me figure out how to sign up for college classes and stuff or help me make doctor appointments and stuff like that?

Anonymous9806:

00:08

that would help me

Anonymous9806:

00:09

i feel bad for lyn helping me figure stuff out all the time but i need help understanding it

Lynn:

00:09

211 might be able to help with that, but no, I mean DHR to help make your dad stop hurting you like this.

Anonymous9806:

00:09

when i get frustrated i cry and have meltdowns and stuff and then that doesnt make situations better

Anonymous9806:

00:10

oohhh ok. i dont know what dhr means?

Anonymous9806:

00:10

but if im living at his place hes allowed to treat me how he wants to or ill be homeless

Lynn:

00:10

What he's doing is verbal and mental abuse and DHR would get the state involved to investigate and monitor the situation. No, he is not allowed to do that.

Anonymous9806:

00:11

i dont care much about me, been there done that, but my cats i love and i dont want them to not be cared for

Anonymous9806:

00:11

even if i dont pay rent...?

Anonymous9806:

00:11

if i.... have recordings.... does that help...?

Lynn:

00:11

It could, yes.

Anonymous9806:

00:12

he got mad and threw my phone at me the other night because "im so stupid bc im always on it" but uh. its hyper vigilance i guess that if he starts screaming i start recording

Lynn:

00:13

Your autism is documented right?

Anonymous9806:

00:13

um... would they be able to talk to me.... and not involve him yet...? its a situation where i dont know if it would do more harm than good? but maybe they could help me like. i dont know....

Anonymous9806:

00:13

yeah it should be on file at uhhh

Lynn:

00:13

I don't need to know where

Lynn:

00:13

It's ok, just so long as it's somewhere.

Anonymous9806:

00:13

when you say documented you mean my doctors and therapists ive had are aware of it?

Lynn:

00:14

Yes

Lynn:

00:14

Do you still have a therapist?

Anonymous9806:

00:14

i moved from a different state but they could probably send papers and stuff? i had dbt therapy there

Anonymous9806:

00:14

i miss it

Anonymous9806:

00:14

no, i havent been able to find one that accepts my insurance but also accepts new patients

Anonymous9806:

00:14

i tried to find grief counseling too for my mom

Anonymous9806:

00:14

i miss my mom

Anonymous9806:

00:15

she understood me

Lynn:

00:15

I'm so sorry you lost her.

Anonymous9806:

00:15

thank you for your condolences

Lynn:

00:16

Of course

Anonymous9806:

00:16

i cry because i miss her every day but i dont know how to stop missing her

Anonymous9806:

00:17

dd sys he gave me three weeks before cutting into me so i could grieve but i dont think even after three years ill be done with it

Anonymous9806:

00:17

or 30 or 300

Lynn:

00:17

Before cutting into you?

Anonymous9806:

00:17

yelling at me and stuff

Anonymous9806:

00:18

im sorry i didnt mean literally

Anonymous9806:

00:18

im scared of knives so im glad not literally lol

Lynn:

00:19

So that means he can control it.

Anonymous9806:

00:20

when he gets drunk theres no controlling anything i dont think? even if i try there doesnt seem to be rationalizing but my idea of rational and other peoples i guess is different

Anonymous9806:

00:21

his girlfriend says hes an asshole when hes drinking tequila

Lynn:

00:23

I don't know what DHR will do, if anything, but do you want me to call them for you?

Anonymous9806:

00:23

um

Anonymous9806:

00:24

would they let you ask them questions?

Anonymous9806:

00:24

or would we get in trouble for wasting their time?

Anonymous9806:

00:24

i say we because youd be asking for me but i dont want to get you in trouble

Lynn:

00:25

No, not at all. Because of your autism what he's doing is illegal, it's verbal and mental abuse.

Anonymous9806:

00:26

even if im 'high functioning"?

Anonymous9806:

00:26

even if im 'high functioning"?

Anonymous9806:

00:26

dont like those terms but that helps ppl understand what i mean i think

Anonymous9806:

00:26

like i was a "gifted student" but.... i dropped out of school and stuff

Lynn:

00:26

Does he have legal rights over you, like guardianship?

Anonymous9806:

00:26

oh im sorry i didnt mean to send the one thing twice

Anonymous9806:

00:27

i dont think so, i was an adult when we found out? because im "high" im kind of left to me but it doesnt mean its not..... really hard...

Anonymous9806:

00:28

i didnt have anywhere to go when our room mates bailed on us (im blamed for this too but it wasnt my faul my room mate lost her job) so i had to come here when mom died a week after i left the state

Anonymous9806:

00:29

i was her caregiver because im more able bodied than her with final stage copd, and otherwise myuncle wanted her to be put in a nursing home but i didnt want that, so i tried to take care of her as best as i could but its hard bc i cant take very good care of me i guess

Anonymous9806:

00:29

she probably wouldnt have died if id been better

Anonymous9806:

00:31

if we didnt go to colorado with our room mates i mean

Lynn:

00:31

No, that wasn't your fault. I'm sure she was grateful and you did a great job with her.

Anonymous9806:

00:31

but i made the bad decision to go with them so we could afford rent

Anonymous9806:

00:32

well.... she didnt want me to leave? i think she liked being with me

Anonymous9806:

00:33

when she broke ribs falling out of her bed once she had to stay in a nursing home for a month and the food was so so bad so she liked if i baked some stuff if i felt well enough to

Anonymous9806:

00:33

like liver in a gelatin served with broccoli bad

Lynn:

00:33

Oh wow, yeah. That does not sound good

Anonymous9806:

00:34

i guess im biased but id take my shake and bake over that too lol

Lynn:

00:34

Lol, for sure!

Anonymous9806:

00:34

so id smuggle her in some food when id visitor

Anonymous9806:

00:34

*visit her

Lynn:

00:34

That was nice of you

Anonymous9806:

00:34

she liked little debbie nutty bars a lot, and coca cola

Anonymous9806:

00:36

and she didnt like usual "old people" stuff i guess? she liked watching shows on her amazon fire stick, so shed make the trip from the bed to the stuffed armchair she had, turn that on, and then i was on call when she needed me for stuff, and the cats would come and go but they liked to sleep on her bed a lot lol

Anonymous9806:

00:36

i hope it wasnt a bad life for her

Lynn:

00:37

So what do you think about getting some help with your dad?

Anonymous9806:

00:38

it would be nice, but i dont know if it would be beneficial or waste everyones time. if i cant stay here then i have nowhere to go, and my cats dont, so im worried

Anonymous9806:

00:39

would someone be able to talk to me first so we could figure out if its worthwhile? im so worried they wont believe me either and then ill be in more trouble and everyone just wasted time and resources

Lynn:

00:39

Ok, if you don't want to give me your information I understand that, but look up adult protective services in your area or call 211 so you can ask what you need to and decide what you want to do. You don't have to let him treat you like this.

Anonymous9806:

00:40

im sorry im not trying to cause problems for you or um. make it seem like im turning my nose up at your health i appreciate you

Lynn:

00:40

Just explain to whoever you talk to why you're so scared and ask for them to help you make sure he doesn't make things worse for you.

Anonymous9806:

00:41

okay, thanks so much! i will do this when hes not around to hear me

Lynn:

00:41

You're not at all. Your concerns are valid, I'm just trying to give you ways to find help.

Anonymous9806:

00:41

thank you

Lynn:

00:41

Ok, good. Please do call them. You don't deserve this.

Anonymous9806:

00:41

ive just been so sad

Lynn:

00:41

You're welcome!

Lynn:

00:42

I know and I get why.

Anonymous9806:

00:42

ive been overwhelmed and it doesnt help to be screamed at

Lynn:

00:42

No, it doesn't.