#also i am not being materialistic this is just something that triggered it

[chandnihumai]

All I talk about is how I love books and literally no one has ever gifted me one.

[nayatarot777]

Is There Anyone Who You Need To Be Wary Of Right Now?

• Pile One •

This person could be an Earth sign feminine - Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn. If not then they’re someone who enjoys physical comforts and luxuries. This doesn’t have to mean that they’re wealthy, but they may just prioritise money and materialism. This could even be a boss of a company. This person is very rash with the way that they communicate. They don’t think before they speak. They also communicate in a very immature and childish way. Their actions could also be very rash too. I am picking up on a major immaturity from this person though. They’re highly unawakened. This could be linked to how they’re highly materialistic or how they worship money more than anything else, but I’m seeing that they’re highly unawakened in general. They’re not self aware, they’re not aware or understanding of experiences and lifestyles outside of their own. They’re highly judgemental - but this is because they’re highly judgemental towards themselves. This is giving ‘insecure ass person who puts themselves up on a pedestal to cover up their insecurities’.

You need to be wary of this person because you’re trying to gain control over your life. You’re trying to direct your life to the place that you want it to be, but I’m seeing this person trying to cause you pain as a way of putting up blocks in your path. You’re being represented in this reading as the Page of Pentacles - someone who’s learning how to build some type of stability for themselves - and this person is trying to get in the way of this. They’re triggered by any self-stability that you have. Their insensitive way of speaking is the way that they try to hurt you. They know exactly what they’re doing as this is a conscious decision. I’m also seeing that this person could’ve already brought you pain - perhaps triggered some traumas out of you - and they’re trying to control the narrative behind your back. This person is a bit strange too as they don’t want to acknowledge what you’re building for yourself. Whatever money or stability you’re accumulating, they’re not wanting to see it.

Patreon

• Pile Two •

This person is either highly religious or just a major conformist. They could be a preacher or the equivalent to one - someone who likes to preach their own beliefs. They stay in line within society’s expectations of them and they don’t budge. This person could also be a married person. I’m seeing this person watching you and trying to learn things about you while you’re in a dark time mentally. While you’re experiencing fears, anxieties, and kind of stuck in a self-imposed mental prison. This is either a past or present energy. You were protecting yourself from this person, or just keeping yourself away from the external world as you didn’t feel prepared nor stable enough to deal with the judgements or expectations of others. This person could’ve definitely sent you judgements and tried to mask this as “religious help” or “religious teachings”.

The reason why you need to be wary of this person is because this person is highly argumentative and combative. They try to fight people about their beliefs or way of living if those things don’t align with theirs. This person tried (or is trying) to emotionally confuse you, away from something that holds a lot of abundance or positive energy for you. I don’t like this energy at all. It’s like they want to try to brainwash you into following the path that they want you to take and they’re willing to make you feel like you’re confused or lost as a way of doing this. This person is fucking disgusting considering they’ve literally watched you go through a mentally challenging time already. They’re seeing you in this state and deciding that you’re vulnerable enough for them to manipulate and force their own personal beliefs and expectations onto. Very predatory energy - especially if this person is religious in some way.

Patreon

• Pile Three •

I’m not seeing anyone who you need to be wary of currently, Pile Three. At most, you need to be wary about what you’re exposing yourself to online - especially if you’re consuming things that make you feel angry or anxious. You’re nobody’s saviour apart from your own and you’re not responsible for trying to save the world. It’s not normal (or healthy) for human beings to be bombarded with human tragedies and everything wrong about the world all of the time. Apart from that, I’m seeing that you’re part of the group of people who’ve been really isolating yourself and entering contemplation. You seem to be the victor of battles that other people have tried to cause for you and now you’re highly defensive. It doesn’t seem like anyone can really come into your space/energy and negatively affect you.

Again, there’s a need to detach yourself emotionally from the internet in general for a little bit. Some of you may be physically alone and away from others but you’re filling your time with online activities. If you’re not part of the group of people in this pile who are already being introspective, there’s a need for you to detach yourself from the outside/online world and sit in silence for a period of time. There’s some type of mental awakening that you’ll have about your personal beliefs and morals. These things may be swayed or blocked from realising by what you’re consuming online. There’s a need to figure out personally what you’d like to focus on and direct a lot of energy into for your PERSONAL life. Try not to be so distracted by everyone else’s life - especially people who you don’t even know personally. If you’re feeling mentally tired or defeated despite not doing much throughout your days, then this is the reason why. Your brain needs a rest. Not constant stimulation from social media.

Patreon

[majintails]

1 YEAR

Although I didn't start using this blog as a kin blog until later in the month, on this day (July 16) exactly one year has passed since I discovered I'm Fictionkin! You all are very kind and welcoming people and I was in for a pleasant surprise when I joined this community.

In fact, the whole revelation was a bit of a shock - you'd be surprised the me from 2020-2022, maybe even earlier 2023 is the same person as me from July 16, 2023 onward. It's something I would not of even considered at that time let alone viewed myself as, but in doing so, I have opened myself up to new things and experiences, reconsidered things, and improved my life in ways even past this identity - I'm even a nicer person for it now (though still have some ways to go obviously). It actually triggered a broader spiritual awakening since I'm spiritual fictionkin and for the longest time I've been rather materialistic, with changes in this regard only coming very slowly in the earlier parts of the 2020s and honestly not a substantial change.

Funny thing is that in Early 2021, I did discover two Systems on DeviantArt. Said systems recently joined the site and they were actually posting art of what they looked like insys, and they were fictives / mobians. I only vaguely understood it ("So...they ARE that thing?" - me prolly, 2021) but my reaction was without hostility; it was actually intrigue and acceptance, despite the fact I was trying to act like kind of a hard ass back then for no reason other then I thought it made me look cool when in reality it was just obnoxious and also because I had the wrong takeaway / idea from a former friend group. Stumbling across those Systems did make me research into these types of things and even if I didn't find what I was or should of been looking for, that itself was indeed worthwhile. Worth clarifying I didn't directly ask them anything or talk to them, and pretty much never saw anything else of this sort throughout the rest of that year.

In 2022 though it started getting interesting since I was moving away from how I was at the start of the decade and more to how I am now (the awakening essentially accelerated it / came to the natural conclusion faster). Around that time I was mainly looking for a place / community to settle on the internet and alternatives to the sites I was already using, especially for fandom spaces (my Tumblr was originally made in this capacity but it obviously was not useful under the pretenses of what I was looking for). In a few games and websites (ironically not Tumblr), I kept seeing people who were kin and stating so on their bios, using pfps, in-game avatar being their kin, so on and so fourth. Good chance a few were systems as well. Once again I had a vague understanding of it but of course didn't talk to them about it and this time didn't bother to look into it before dismissing it - both cases I had a "ah well" attitude and moved on it seems. But the term, Kin, it stuck with me. Obviously this is because...something felt familiar about it, like some part of me correlates to it.

Come 2023, I stopped seeing any of this stuff. But on July 16, a few days after my birthday, the term randomly came to my mind again. "So what DOES Kin mean anyway" I thought, so I looked it up and well...that's when it happened. It all came back to me, all the canon memories I've had since I was like 11 to 12 that I was - as mentioned before here, not really suppressing but definitely disregarding since I didn't know what it was or what to do, or really could do anything with it (what could a like 12 Year Old do about this tbh) but it was harmless so I kept it in the back of my mind - they flooded in and I finally paid attention to them. I pretty much connected the dots immediately, and the ensuing homesickness I felt, the shock of the revelation, understanding who I was? it brought me to tears.

I didn't know what to do at first and mostly kept to myself for a few days, before joining an adult only Sonickin server. I wasn't very active there but said server is small I kind of had to be eased into it, eventually joining another, larger server and becoming much more active there. Then I started posting canon mems and my experiences on Tumblr around the end of the month. I must say, I think it happening right as I became an adult was for the best - feels more responsible that way. As mentioned before, even outside of spirituality and kinning, it made me rethink a number of things. Over time I still had to get comfortable and not be so timid and shying away from things like I was initially, but it was made evident it was a welcoming community.

And of course I saw it was of no harm and that I'd be accepted, which was...well, that was probably the main thing I was worried about. But obviously there was nothing to worry about, and I'm glad I gave it a chance. Some of the best people I've met on the internet have been through here. Ever since 2018, I didn't feel like myself if that makes any sense, like I was just there and happened to exist with no sense of identity or self whatsoever, and when this awakening occurred, I gained it back. In a way I felt whole again.

If anyone is wondering, yes I'm still doing those two ROM Hacks about my Tails canon though as of late I've been kind of a lazy bum regarding them specifically and also recently I've been occupied with yet another, similar thing about said canon (I'll get back on this later). At this point I should probably enter the next stage of those hacks though, there's not much left to do with regards to the side of things I've clearly just been dragging my feet on and stalling.

Thank you all for reading and for the wonderful time I've had this past year with everyone!

[blazinginferno626]

Trigger warning for people who don’t want to read about any Hazbin, Helluva or Vivziepop controversy or any of those subjects in general ........

I really wanna get this off my chest i don’t think Hazbin Hotel should get as much hate as it does. First off, I will say I am a fan of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss I will admit that. Second, I am not here to call out anyone in particular this is just general things that I really want to say. I have noticed a lot on twitter that there are a lot of antis that aren’t found of viv or her work. That’s completely fine you don’t have to like her or her shows. But from what I see is that a lot of these people are minors who don’t even get past things they’ve heard about viv on the internet. And the things that they criticize doesn’t really have any ground to stand on because they really know nothing about the show or any of the characters believing they are stereotypes and not even seeing past the surface traits of these characters. One of these characters in particular is Mimzy for being a Jewish antisemitic stereotype, so first and for most Mimzy isn’t canonically Jewish and has never been implied to be. And the only leg to stand on for that is her nose Mimzy doesn’t have personality traits for a Jewish stereotype she’s very materialistic and likes to spend money according to viv in a livestream and is a total diva like Angel Dust they both are divas who like to buy very expensive things. And a lot of people just assumed she was Jewish because of her design which says a lot more about them than her. 

Another thing this isn’t a really big thing honestly just something I wanted to mention. Viv has shown to like the Cuphead Show and fans weren’t happy about that saying they needed to keep their show away from her. Like WTF do you mean “your show” The Cuphead show is literally for anybody who’d watch it and that statement is unfair and sounds so fucking entitled. Also, you’re telling everybody to watch the show for it to get renewed but then telling someone else not to. Like how does that make any sense at all. You don’t get to decide who does and doesn’t watch the show, it’s not yours it’s for anybody. That has less to do with Hazbin it’s just something I really wanted to say. Also, if somebody who has a lot of fans recommends something and they hadn’t seen it they would probably try it. Just saying.

Last thing is the character designs and leaks. A lot of people are critizing viv’s character designs for Hazbin, which again no one needs to like. But as some people have pointed out that It’s not just her a whole team helps design and shape characters. So you wanna dunk on viv whatever just no you’re also insulting that character designers that helped her with her characters and show and nobody who’s just doing their job deserves that. And those leaks that were critizing the writing on Hazbin, first off, I heard a storyboarder on the show got fired because those leaks were going around. Second, it probably didn’t help that people retweeted it about the writing. Like leaving Hazbin out of the pictue for a sec. people shouldn’t post leaks weither they like the show or not it hurts the people making the show and the people who did that should feel ashamed. 

Lastly, IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE SHOW DON’T FUCKING RETWEET IT. LIKE SERIOUSLY DON’T MAKE A POST ABOUT HATING IT OR SAYING FANS OF THE SHOW ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE FOR LIKING IT. JUST FUCKING IGNORE IT, IT’S NOT THAT HARD!!! And this isn’t just Viv’s work you know this is a whole team of storyboard artists, animators, and character designers that are putting blood sweat and tears into the show. 

That’s all I wanna say on the matter sorry if this brings anybody down this is just something I really wanted to get off my chest and i made this for that exact reason only. 

[lunaprincipessa]

ENTRY FORTY

I was thinking a lot about my overspending. It's been happening a lot lately, both before and after the holiday season, so no placing blame there. So what is it with this lately?

Thankfully, I've just been eating into my weekly budget instead of my savings... but if I'm being completely honest here, digging into savings for nothing else other than unnecessary shopping has happened multiple times before. I need to have better control over it!

How do I achieve that? The initial step is figuring out where the overspending comes from, or what causes it. The foundation, the core!

I did some soul-searching and online researching. Ended up finding some things that I resonated with and wanted to explore them a little more here.

The first thing I came across talked about emotional impulse spending, which is exactly what it sounds like. Impulse spending triggered by emotion(s) like anxiety or depression. Looking into myself, my habits, and my motivations, it does seem that I am 10x more likely to overspend when I am going through some kind of emotional turmoil. When life is peaceful, I gather, I collect, and I save. Easy. Simple. It's the emotion that complicates everything!

I wondered why I was turning to things in those moments, especially since I'm not really what one would consider "materialistic." It's because people have hurt me with unreliability and/or cruelty. Things just decorate my home and give me something nice to look at. I'd prefer to buy myself something than to reach out to someone that may make the pain worse; I've grown rather tired of that, happens far too often.

Next, I found out about people who lack financial literacy. Financial literacy is the ability to effectively manage and make informed decisions about personal finances, including budgeting, saving, and investing. I may be a person who lacks financial literacy. I hate having to own up to that but there is no improvement without accountability, is there? The definition of financial literacy also states that there is a possession of skills, knowledge, and behaviors that enable individuals to manage their finances effectively. *sigh* Note to self, this is not for guilt but for change! I know the basics of course, but I also know I need to face the reality of lacking adequate financial literacy.

There's been no social pressure or having to "keep up appearances." The lack of a healthy self-image doesn't come from my finances, I know that is a definite fact. No blindness to inflation either. I am well aware that existence is just too damn expensive right now. Credit misconception is when people see their credit cards as "extra money," not something to be paid back. Yeah, none of that going on. I know the definitions and differences of credit, debit, and gift cards.

I did learn about lifestyle creeping. This is the process of expenses unintentionally creeping up as one's income increases. Maybe a pinch of that...? I do need to stay the hell off of GrubHub but it's more affordable with the hours I'm working. And let's not forget Amazon's eternal stronghold on my wallet. I am just going through the possibilities, trying to figure it all out.

Last thing I found that resonated with me is that many, if not the majority, of people with ADHD engage in impulse spending. The recently updated statistics I found were:

*58% of ADHDers spend impulsively.

*51% of ADHDers struggle with budgeting.

*49% of ADHDers struggle to save.

It all got narrowed down to achieving that nice rush of dopamine which the ADHD brain is constantly craving. This definitely gives me a reason to not beat myself up if I slip, but I never want to use it as an excuse to not do what I'm supposed to do in this life as a functional adult.

Doing that means the issue is behavioral, not cognitive. I need to try to be more self-aware, execute better planning, and utilize coping skills for the harder days. In many areas of my life, I need to take my power back and call all my efforts back to me. This is one of them.

More thoughts later.

[msannabiz]

Trigger warning. Pet Loss/Grief

On Sunday, something happened with my best little friend. After evaluation, it was determined that she is really sick. Basically, I have to say goodbye next Friday after Thanksgiving.

My heart has never been this broken before. Every time I look at her I just smile or cry. I have one week until I have to say goodbye. I’m kind of just writing on here because nobody really looks here. I have a few followers who follow me because of my Astro photography but right now I need a journal where I can just write how sad I am.

All I’ve been able to is write about how much I’m going to miss her. I had a therapy session yesterday, and we got really deep into it. From that session, the biggest conclusion that I have come to is that I didn’t save her, she really saved me.

She came from an abusive beginning, being forced to live in a crate after she wasn’t cute anymore, barely being fed, being left out in 112° weather, to a loving, fun, exciting and exploratory life. I got to take care of her for almost 2 years. I have only had her living with me for five months. in those five months I have had some of the happiest, most satisfying moments that I’ve ever had in my entire life.

She is my first dog that I have ever had, due to my parents banning dogs from the house when I was growing up. She is a reactive dog, so it’s hard for her to meet new people or new dogs. She didn’t get to socialize when she was younger, but I have tried to socialize her and it hasn’t been a success.

As I write this out, she is laying on my bed, on my blue comforter, taking heavy little breaths, and snoring just a little bit. I am tearing up right now, just as I’m writing this. I think this is one way to get grief out. I can say I have been in denial for a while, and I have been angry with myself. I’m at the point where I’m bargaining with God, just asking for him to take her home. I can only hope and believe that everything we love here will be up there. I don’t mean the materialistic things I mean the things that have true value. Each day I’m going to do something more. I think I am fortunate in knowing that I have a week left.

I think I’m actually one of the lucky ones who knows that they get to do whatever they want for the next week with their dog. There are so many things that I wish I could’ve done with her but her quality of life would not be high if she continue to go on, she is a dog that could not be rehomed or taken in. It’s not that I would feel like I had abandoned her. If I did that, it’s that something might happen if I do that with her. She would be scared and nervous, and wouldn’t know what to do. Therefore, she would be reactive with anybody else.

I begged and pleaded with God that there was another way. But there isn’t, and I’ve come to that conclusion on my own. It’s not that he didn’t listen it’s just that it’s a different perspective than what I know. I know that probably sounds shitty but maybe I’m the only one that’s supposed to understand.

I have written so many poems and drawn so many doodles. I have uploaded every single photo on my phone to my computer so that way I have them saved if they ever get deleted from my phone or my iCloud. I have printed off photos in a poster of her so that way I can have it in my room. So that way when I open that door, I can still say “there she is, there’s my little girl” because that’s what I do every time I come home. She gets so excited and begs me to hug her and pet her and play with her and I do.

Ever since I brought her home, she has done nothing but sleep in my bed at night right next to me. That is something that I have been missing for the past three years. A warm body sleeping right next to me snoring just as much as the other person I wish was there.

I realized last night or more at 4 o’clock in the morning that I do live in a safe area but it’s also not super great. There have been incidences that have happened around the campus and the apartments that are actually quite scary but I could sleep through the night, knowing that if anything happened, she would bark and bark to let others know that this place is protected. She protects me, every single night every single minute of every single day. She protects me from things are out of my control, and she protects me from myself.

Because I have to put a muzzle on her when I take her outside I get a lot of looks and stares from people. My neighbors rushing into their apartments when they see me out with her. It’s not too bad, but it definitely feels some type of way. I don’t really know how to explain it, but it can make me unapproachable. don’t give me wrong. I’m fine with being alone literally alone by myself in a city that I’m not familiar with with no friends or family. But I think I was really OK with it because I had her.

I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I come home and she’s not here. I’ve never had to experience that and I think I’m really scared to do that.

She knows that something is wrong because she is asking for the pets and rubbing up against me, being more interactive with me, putting her little paw at me, and turning upside down on her back because she’s comfortable and she trust me.

It’s not that I can imagine life without her, it’s that it wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I don’t really have a way to make this organized as I really don’t care just doing this is helping, but not really. I don’t know if I can write every single day about what’s going on but I want to so that at least I have some type of memory that can remind me.

This morning I literally took 25 minutes of video of us just walking around the park that we go to every morning. I plan on still walking around that park maybe not every morning but walking around the park with my headphones on just walking the same path that we always did. I have a little bucket list that I’m able to do with her.

Of course she gets all the food. Of course she gets anything she wants. I went out and bought a peanut butter bone that she’s already halfway through.

my doctor let her be my emotional support animal, and as a joke I always say that I am actually her emotional support human. But looking back at it all the past two years she’s really actually been my emotional support animal. And not just that she’s been my best friend. She taught me what unconditional love is. She’s taught me what’s good for me. She’s taught me to have a routine and take responsibility and really take care of myself. As I’m writing this, she’s looking at me with closed eyes a little Paul up in the air, almost on her side and back, with her little ears up and back. Just trying to hear what I’m saying. It looks like she’s slowly falling asleep.

One of my favorite parts of her is that she is a pitbull. She is a American Staffordshire pitbull. She is orange Brown and white. Both her eyes are covered in that brown and there’s a white streak that leads from her neck to her nose. Her nose is a little brown but what’s really great about it is there looks like there’s a spot that’s on her nose and a little bit on the white part that isn’t her nose, her paws are all white with some brown running down the side of her legs. We always said she looks like a little cow just because of where the brown is all located on her body.

She has these little sounds, she snores, she says, she pouts, and when she wakes up in the morning and yawns, you can tell that she’s talking to you with her little vocal cords warming up, letting you know what she wants to do. She loves to go on walks. She knows so many words, she is such a smart dog.

I’ve decided to get her cremated and put her in a urn that isn’t made out of glass. So that way maybe I can still sleep with her at night. I can’t help it cry I can’t help it. It just hurts so much. I’m gonna add a little picture just so you see what she looks like right now in this moment. So that way I can remember what she looks like in this moment.

I wish there was some other way, but there isn’t. And I have to believe that I will see her again otherwise, I don’t know what I would do. She’s my best friend and I feel like I’m betraying her, even though I’m doing this out of love for her.

Her mind the way her brain works is her own worst enemy. I hate that she hast to be on medicine like me just so she can be calm. I hate that the medicine makes her so sedated that sometimes she can’t be a dog. I hate everything about the situation. I can’t help but think it’s my fault. But it could’ve happened sooner or later.

The vet, my therapist, and a few other people have told me that I have done more for this dog than anyone else in the world would have done. And I think that’s true, but I would walk to the end of the earth and back and forward in through hell if I had to just to see her again Just to have her, live her life and be happy with chasing squirrels, eating all the food she can, and being healthy with no fear.

I’m going to continue to try and do this. I want to remember the little things I want to remember the big things I want to remember it all. This hurts so much.

I was in my car, the other day driving home by myself and I think that I screamed and yelled the loudest I’ve ever done. So much that even to me, it didn’t sound like myself. It actually sounded like pure grief and sadness and anger. So much anger But I don’t even know who. I’m not angry at the world, I’m not angry at God. I’m not angry with myself I’m just fucking angry.

But as the days go on the anger comes and goes, but the sadness keeps staying. I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I come home and her cage is here with her water in her bowl. And her two beds and toys all over the place. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to sleep in my bed or if I’m gonna stay in this apartment anymore But if I leave it’s like I’m leaving her. One day I’m gonna have to leave and it won’t mean I’m leaving her just means that the place I’m going to is where I’m moving on and where I would’ve gone with her. It just sucks because she didn’t get to Liv, more than five years she only got to live to be three years and four months. She’s looking at me and struggling to get up and rolling over on the pillows. I think I’m gonna go hang out with her or do something maybe do my homework. But I’m gonna stay with her until I can’t at least until I have to let her go.

This really sucks. I know I’m not gonna be OK for a while if not forever. My heart will always be broken by this. It’s not that it will repair or it will be OK one day. It’s just always gonna be hurt by this specifically.

I hope one day I actually get to see her again.

[jankslide]

My First Date?

Okay so I was talking with Matt, my roommate for those of you who forgot, about when his anniversary was with his girlfriend. And he was saying it was like four days after valentine's day. And I was joking cuz we went to a basketball game together on Valentine's day, so obviously he couldn't do anything with her cuz he committed to hang out with me. I would understand if he was tryna do something else, but it wouldn't been really lame if he bailed. so yeah. I like to think that since they started seeing each other at the end of January this helped to prevent what could have been a precarious valentine's day (too early?) situation. But they're both pretty chill so I doubt that this plan had any effect or bearing on their relationship. Anyways, I'm getting a little side tracked here. So he was telling me about how their anniversary was a little after valentine's day, and I was referring to it as like the first date after valentine's day is when it was. And I guess we got caught up on the miscommunication about the date.

But the point I was trying to get at was like what event like triggered the anniversary to be on a specific day. It's not like a birth where it just happens at a time. There's probably points of fluctuation so it's should be grounded in like an event or whatever. I've never been in a relationship so I have no idea how this would be determined. In my own head, I always imagine it being like the first date you went on probably. Like you retroactively decide the date rather than it being in an event in the present. So you would consider you first date the anniversary, but you don't decide this until like 2-3 months when you feel established as in a relationship or something, again I didn't know. Matt said that was the day he asked Veronica to be his girlfriend. So like that anniversary is grounded in that specific day of asking to be like official I guess. Exclusive one could say. Then that started to make me think about my cousin Jalen. Because I remember when he was telling us a story about when he asked his girlfriend to be his girlfriend. Like that was a thing, an event. So that could probably be when their anniversary is, but I don't know. never have asked.

Here's a quick tangent I need to go on before continuing. In terms of gift giving, unless the person is incredibly materialistic, it really is the thought that counts. Like a gift where they've really put some thought into the gift and come to something that you can really appreciate (whether in actuality or just for the sentiment), that's just really nice to receive. To some degree it's about the gift, but for most people, the sentiment is what matters.

So when I was in eighth grade I had this friend, Maya. We were like in a little friend group, our parents at the least were in somewhat in a friend group. I don't really feel the need to get into relationship dynamics between me, families, and my K-8 in general; this is all to say the point is this. We were like good friends. And I guess Maya liked me because one time she sent me this risky ass text, which in hindsight was basically like a confession of having a crush on me or whatever. I definitely didn't understand what exactly this long text meant at the time or I could have had some sort of willful ignorance to it. Anyways, I was into a different girl at the time and would remain hung up on her and do nothing about it until I graduated. I also never responded to the text, which must have been a fucking awful ass move on my part. I am not going to get self-loathing reminiscing about this whole situation but yeah it was bad. We had a school dance, in which the last song I was dancing with Maya, and I was like shit this the last dance I gotta bounce and try and dance with the girl I was into at the time. That was definitely a dick move to her; I think I was still being oblivious to it, but that was probably a hit to her self-esteem. I also didn't dance with who I had a crush on so doubly stupid.

Okay so at this point I am in high school. I take the train home on my way back from high school. I pass by Maya high school to get there. In hindsight there was a better location to stop for us to meet, but being a stupid kid I didn't really think of this and so she would have to get dropped off to meet at the mall. I really had no sense of distance as a kid. So since we were like better friends in K-8, we still have contact and I guess I kinda bring up the risky text she sent. And yeah so if I think back on this now. My point in this was to fall back on her because I wasn't able to have any relationship. I didn't "talk to girls" in high school; sidenote: here's how autistic I am about that phrase being taken literal. It's not can you like talk to girls just in general; it's talking to girls with a romantic motive. So yeah, I can't talk to girls. So in high school I couldn't talk to girls. So I also struck out when I got peer pressured at a graduation party to ask out my crush. The way I did it was also just horrendous all around: execution, timing, dynamic. So basically I have brought back to my brain girl + old text = Maya? This was kinda lame on my part I can admit. It's like using her as a rebound without the being in a relationship at first myself thing. I'm not saying she was still interested, because looking back it's hard to recall if this was ever established as a date.

So we hung out at the mall together after school. It was around her birthday, but I didn't get her a present prior to meeting up. I'm honestly glad I got to a point where I let texts auto-delete because it's not healthy to have spent the time reliving the past for accuracy. I don't read back on texts for fun; at least, not in a long long while. Time is so finite and I like to try and use it. We ate panda express together at the food court first. I insisted on paying for her food. She was tryna to pay for herself, but I was pretty insistent on me paying. Then we sat down and ate and I was trying to convince her to download a one piece mobile game, also possibly in hopes of her picking up the anime. I don't watch and indulge in anime like I used to. It's more like spurts of binging. Netflix got me fucked introducing this sort of culture. Anyways, she didn't want the app but downloaded it just to amuse me I'm sure. We went looking around at the different shops and I asked her what she wanted for her birthday from hot topic. No thought into my gift because I straight up just had her pick out her own present. Then I don't know. We hung out, when I had to leave we hugged outside and I was running off to try and catch my train.

That night I was texting her and I asked, which present was better her best friend's or her boyfriend's? Yo she put a Full Stop to that. I wonder where I got this idea, but the truth is the lack of experience of ever talking with other people really made me have no idea. I naively thought that from first date to break up is when people are in a relationship (significant others, s/o, bf/gf, gf/gf, bf/bf, whatever). How my understanding has expanding since this moment ninth grade. This is to say I should have known his anniversary was probably just when he asked to be bf/gf. I'm honestly sorry for all the stupid grief I gave to Maya. We didn't talk for a bit after that, but I would see her when our parents would have a get together and stuff. We're cool now. We even live in the same city, thought we've not once hung out. But that's not something I care to much about. We're cool

[tardytothesimspardy]

(Almost) New Year, New Me

Buck is pretty satisfied with the place

So if it isn't evident by both the title and first picture, Buck, Trigger, and Mary Lu moved house. Mary Lu's old house was too small and too expensive, even with the roommates, so they moved out of Britechester and into Brindleton Bay, and bought a small old dinky cabin thing, and began the weeks-long process of settling into their new house.

(this is unimportant but mildly interesting to me, but after they did this, they autonomously woohoo'd. that has never happened to me in my games. these guys are something else, i guess.) (also i am currently realizing how those pictures, that information, and the above lines are coming off as, they were not constantly woohooing to "break in" the house. i just wanted to share these and i didn't know where to put them 😬)

One of the first things that Buck and Mary Lu did in their new house was getting engaged, then immediately married afterward. They didn't care for the wedding aspect of it, they already felt like spouses in every aspect besides actually being spouses (homeowners, having a career, being parents), so it was just better for them to elope in the kitchen/dining room/living room, and call it a day.

It was New Year's Eve today, which was spent rather calmly. Flo came over, and Mary Lu told her of their new marriage, which Flo was decently intrigued by.

Meanwhile, Buck spent some more time with Moira, and took her on a short walk through the area, and under the bridge.

Buck was stopped short by the sight of a tiny dog, and he just had to meet it, because it was the smallest dog he'd ever seen!

The next day took a turn for the worse however, because Moira's time was finally up. She passed peacefully by the fireplace in the morning, and was discovered by Buck.

Mary Lu, despite being friends with Moira, was oddly apathetic to the whole situation, as her other moodlets of being newly engaged and married overpowered the mourning ones, unlike Buck. With this odd apathy, she ended up making friends with the Grim Reaper.

Continuing this trend of oddness, the Grim Reaper then proceeded to be very mean to Buck, who was actively grieving the whole time. Buck tried to ask for advice from the one being he figured would know about grief and loss, and was instead yelled out, presumably for crying over a dog, as if he's the first Sim to lose a pet.

This is how Buck found out that the Grim Reaper has the evil trait. (He also has the materialistic and kleptomaniac traits, so he's a real bundle of fun)

Mary Lu could tell that Buck was having a hard time, and sometimes her own mourning moodlets overcame the happy ones, and she comforted him like he comforted her before.

Later, Buck invited over (somehow??) the stray dog that he met earlier, and he was able to cheer up slightly by playing with her. (Her name is Peaches)

[makingspiritualityreal]

The Dark side of Jyeshta - All against One, One for Themselves

Jyeshta Nakshatra, ruled by Indra, the King of Gods, is typically associated with a position of seniority, accolades, achievement, but also inspiring rivalry and envy of those below. People may think, that if you're someone that inspires jealousy and awe, that it is something to wish for in your life, as it is a sign of accomplishment and merit. That might be true, and it may manifest in a more pleasant manner, if you have benefic planets located in Jyeshta Nakshatra, as victories come to you easier and more naturally. But what if you have Malefics, such as Saturn, Rahu or Ketu positioned in this Nakshatra? Is the thought process, that has caused so many to both fear and respect Jyeshta natives really that simple and representative of a reality of living with this placement?

I am not going to include Mars in this post even though it's a traditional malefic, as in my opinion Mars does famously well in Jyeshta. Nothing else gives such a nice competitive edge to kick down all your rivals. This planet here is in its element and can make a person nigh unstoppable, if Mars is mature and doesn't act out, placed in a good, more productive house like the 10th or 6th. Still, if Mars, or even any other benefic planet in Jyeshta receives no support and is involved in challenging aspects/a stellium, you can observe the results described below. An easily flowing, benefic influence of Jyeshta, is someone who spontaneously, effortlessly receives certain merits, protection and a position, often one that they're born into, that allows one to deal with any opposition relatively easily throughout the course of their lives. Key word - easy power. At the same time, especially if Jupiter is present, it helps one to be protected from competitors in the field related to the house, where it is placed, as one can attract benefactors easier instead of having to deal with rivalry.

Even though one might think Jyeshta a more materialistic Nakshatra, focused on achievement, it is also dealing with psychology of defeating one's opponents, digging, hidden resources, together with unconscious emotional motivations and desires. The biggest difficulty with malefic alignments of Jyeshta is struggling with getting any support from other people due to them being triggered and subconsciously feeling put down by Jyeshta natives, as it exposes their inner insecurity and shows how comfortable they are with other people being empowered. Since most people deep down are extremely insecure, people who are confident naturally draw attention and can cause people to become petty. Life with difficult Jyeshta planetary configurations doesn't start with achievements, it starts with being challenged by everything and everyone around you.

When you think of jealousy, you may think of a celebrity that receives hate comments, but doesn't really care about them that much, as they are too busy enjoying their fame. People who write these comments are not that relevant to their lives at the end of the day anyway. But the difficult side of Jyeshta is people being jealous and insecure around you just because you're breathing. You don't need to be accomplished in any way for that, you may even feel sad or emotionally vulnerable, yet you get the hate regardless. That sadly includes family members and close friends, even if there is another part of them that loves you.

Here is where Jyeshta becomes scary. When your primary caregivers feel threatened by you on a subconscious level, and all their hidden insecurities and unresolved traumas that they didn't deal with since their childhood act up in their mind, even though you're just a child yourself...what do they do?

They "retaliate". They use their power as a parent against you, as long as you're under their care. They bully you, they put you down, they tear you apart, they don't give you resources to grow, they push you around and try to stifle you. They manipulate you emotionally to weaken you, so that you forget about your own qualities. The more they see you have qualities they never had, the more they try to kill them in you. They can't help it, because of how scared they are. They don't want to admit it to themselves, because some part of them underneath that behavior really does care for you.

That sort of emotionally troubled upbringing creates immense difficulty in forming intimacy in partnerships later on in life. Here is the conflict this Nakshatra presents its natives with - how do we trust and surrender enough to achieve intimacy we so desire, when we have been shown, that so few people are to be trusted at all? Jyeshta people however will try, again and again, as they do with everything they set their mind on.

I'm not saying you can't eventually achieve what you want in life and find happiness for yourself. But with a difficult Jyeshta alignment, it is a path you have to carve on your own, marked by your tears and blood, as you can't really ever count on many people, if anyone, and you have to deal with the consequences of other people projecting their insecurities on you, which leaves a permanent mark in your psyche, especially if your parents were the ones putting you down since childhood. Watch out, so that their insecurities don't rub off on you, and avoid corrupting your nature.

Here is why. Whatever success and achievements you get after that difficult initial process, it didn't come for free. However, if it was hard earned, and required enormous strength of character, it is fair. Yes, this Nakshatra in its challenged position can bring more obstacles and opposition than any other energy in all of Astrology, but it also returns to its natives what they have worked for. Cosmic rewards fall on those, who thread on their path with integrity.

Ultimately, those who tried to tear you down will regret it, as you ascend in life. If you build up a strong spine, and don't let your character fall despite the difficulties you suffered, there is a promise of reprieve and justice, with the Universe putting you in a place you earned by the grace of your strength of will. The one thing that even afflicted Jyeshta promises in one's chart, is karmic justice. If you are on the right side of that, you have won the biggest battle of them all.

[simonalkenmayer]

hi simon! i have been a lurker on your tumblr for a while but have never really gotten the courage to be able to send an ask untill now. i am a little bit desperate hahah

i deal a lot with self hatred and it has been getting really bad recently it always gets worse in the summer months. i dont know why but my mind keeps getting stuck in these thought loops of never being “good enough” and i dont really know how to stop them. i am just wondering if u have any experience with this and what has helped with you

thank u so much!!

Yes. I do. I’ve done many things I’m not proud of, learning my lessons as all people do. I’ve also made mistakes, even at times when I should have or thought I did, know better. I struggle with letting those things get too over important in my thoughts, and so have to constantly be scientific in my thinking to counter it.

What helps me is to have a checklist of thoughts I use as a measure.

1. Is there a specific thing triggering this feeling—an action I took, an event, am I comparing my response to someone else’s? If the answer is no, then move on. If the answer is yes, then identify specifically, the thing that is triggering these feelings. For example, “I was rude to someone without intending to be. This isn’t who I am.” Identify what must be done to make amends and then do them at the next available opportunity. Until you can, try not to think about it. (This obviously gets more complicated if you are dealing with, say, something someone said that reminded you of an abusive parent or something like that, but it does help you begin to pick apart and analyze your feelings and why they exist.)

2. Am I being realistic in my feelings? In other words, am I being too harsh? I cannot be perfect. I cannot be all-knowing. I cannot make people fall in line. So am I demanding of myself that I be those things? For example, if you struggle with feeling as if you haven’t gotten your degree fast enough…is that realistic or did things happen in the only way they could? Are you asking yourself to be superhuman?

3. Am I being kind to myself? If not, why? If I were to hear a friend talk about themself the way I am speaking of myself, what would I say to them? If I am actually practicing kindness, I must also practice it with myself. I must also ground myself in that.

4. What can I do? Often these feelings are grounded in feeling helpless or overwhelmed by a situation. So I like to think of things I can do. Often small. Often very minimal effort. A tiny step in the right direction.

5. What benchmarks am I using? If I am comparing myself, why? Why that comparison? We all have our role models, so thinking about why I’ve chosen the ones I have, grounds me in that purpose. It also prevents me from comparing myself to people who do not matter—materialists, appearances, that sort of thing. Shallow comparisons fall away if you can identify why you look to those things.

6. Am I being true to myself? Who is it I want to be and am I representing that person, given all of the above criteria? Perhaps I am limited in actions, or am plodding along a timeline that cannot be sped up, or coping with terrible people and circumstances, perhaps roadblocks fall in my way. Those don’t matter so long as I am authentic as I pick my way through.

The simple fact is, we will all die, and when we do, there’s no one there to measure, grade, or chastise us. Just us. Wealth cannot come with you. Accolades will be raised at your funeral for all they’re worth. The only trie measure of a person is how they pass on what they learn, how they help others, how they taught others something true. So even if that’s all you ever do, you have done enough by any worthwhile measure. You can aim to do more, and should, but “enough” is a really idea. Try to help one person a day. That is a good place to start. And don’t do it for credit. Do it silently, do it to your best ability. In my estimation that sets you above 90% of people in their everyday lives, locked in their own thoughts and misfortunes.

I hope this helps.

[tamhrayis]

r u already physically and mentally ok? bc i am still not feeling very good. the ending is the only thing i can think of, however much i try to distract myself from that. i still cant properly eat and sleep. i still cry a lot. i still have stomach ache and have trouble consuming food. i still cant concentrate on anything bc my mind constantly thinks about aot ending. i am one of those people who think ending was average (like it wasnt satisfactory enough, but also not terrible). the thing is that i really wanted to see EM happy together in the end. my brain costantly thinks about how brutally Mikasa had to kill Eren and how she sits under that tree next to his grave and misses him... this just hurts so much. like my rational part tries to tell myself that it is only a fiction, it is not real so i shouldnt make such a fuss around that, but my emotional part (which is now unfortunatelly much stronger) can't let it go... like i have now even a problem to watch anything related to aot. like when i go on youtube and it recommends me some aot videos i cant even bring myself to click on them without them triggering even more pain in me... idk i got probably so attached to EM and wanted to really see them happy together after everything they went through that this ending hurt me in the worst possible way. i want to move on with my life so it wont hurt me anymore, but i just cant because my mind always slips to EM and their ending (which triggers even more pain) and also i am not in any other "fandom" except aot so i dont even have big passion for anything else where i could "escape" from aot. i tried to watch some movies yesterday and today as a distraction, but it still didnt help bc my mind always goes back to aot ending... like i feel mentally and physically really awful and i want it to stop but i dont know what to do. it is like i have no control over it. do u have any advice what to do to stop feeling so bad? how much time do u think its gonna take until i will feel normal again? if you or any of your followers have any advice what to do or just some comfort words - they are very much appreciated. thanks for hearing me out and im sorry for the long ask i just needed to tell and ask someone and u seem like a very nice person. <3

Anon, I am very sorry for how you feel these days. I totally understand and I also want you to recover as soon as possible.

Your state really reminds me of how I felt when ch.138 came out. I didn’t cry that much, but maybe...it was because of the leaks I’ve read before the chapter or just how I lived during that time. I couldn’t normally eat, sleep and simply function, because every time I did something, it just ended up being another breathing exercise session, because I really couldn’t get myself to do something without thinking about ch.138.

But instead of checking social media and trying to find a distraction in my phone, I just tried to distance myself from it. One of the things that really helped me to cope was...cleaning😂 I don’t know how it will be for you, but cleaning really distracted me and eased my mind. Also, on the day when ch.138 was officially released, i needed to go outside with my friend and tbh, these two really helped me to deal with the anxiety. I took me a full week to recover, but nevertheless...I just tried to find some ways to think about something else. I also did my school work, talked to my friends, watched another animes and just continued to live.

As for how I am still mentally and physically okay...I am just that type of person who is used to let things go. Be it people leaving my life, materialistic stuff that I lose or how things don’t go my way, I just don’t feel as sad about it as I used to, because nothing is permanent in this world and everything has an end. I knew that AoT will end someday and I used to tell myself that no matter what kind of ending it will be, I will be okay.

It’s not like “I will accept any crappy ending”, but more like “I know that Isayama won’t scrap his work and no matter what he does, it’ll be meaningful”. I knew that getting a happy-go-lucky ending won’t be possible as I used to think, and maybe that was my fault for believing it...But I am happy with this ending, because it wasn’t closed and precise enough.

As for Mikasa, I see where you are coming from, but Mikasa didn’t brutally killed him. She finally freed him from the burden of this world. Yes, it would be so great if they lived together, had a family and just spend the rest of their lives as they wished for.

But realistically, knowing how many problems Eren’s existence will bring and their conscientious nature...They still wouldn’t find peace, because as Armin mentioned that even if titans stopped to exist, it doesn’t mean that the world will just come to peace. No, they will need to work and create that peace by themselves, but again, Eren’s life would be full of responsibilities and burden all over again.

If the writing was different and Isayama made his story a little more hopeful in some ways...I think we would get something different, but that’s only my speculations.

I genuinely want you to get better and be happy again! You’re amazing and loved. Thank you for sharing. I feel very touched🤧

[funkymbtifiction]

given that i really don’t trust myself (because i wake up one day convinced i’m an isfj and then get isfj in every test, the next day i start thinking i’m an isfp out of nowhere and get isfp to the exact same tests because… magic) i’m now really considering infp because i can explain each function actually and i relate to the loop.... [ deleted ]

i have a strong need to be in right with my conscience, i have a code of behaviour and i feel bad if i don’t respect it, i think that at the end you’re the only person you’re going to spend your life with, so what you think about yourself is more important that what other people think of you, and i think you have to take care of yourself first to be able to truly help others. <- strong Fi

i relate to Ne because i am energized by new possibilities, starting projects, trying something new, otherwise i feel stuck, like my life is empty, i get bored quite easily and i’m very indecisive because i can see so many different paths. <- could be Se or Ne, that’s a generalization that fits both, although it’s usually true that ISFPs “do” things and get bored with them and move on, rather than philosophizing about which path to take

also i don’t like to follow procedures step by step, i need to understand generally how somethings works and then figure out how to do it in my own way. i relate to Si (in fact i thought i was an isfj) for some things such as nostalgia, liking comfort things which remind me of happy times, i also like to keep my stuff tidy, although sometimes i fail to stick to schedules and routines because i get sidetracked. <- can be Fi/poor Te and 9 (since you are one)

i think my Te emerges especially with people i dislike or when i’m angry because i start telling them how inefficient or impractical they are, also i have kinda a “less words, more doings” mindset, but then after these outbursts i feel so guilty because i felt like i broke my rule of being kind. <-Fi-dom/9

the fact is that, i feel like i’m not “enough” to be an infp, not idealistic enough, not creative enough, not spiritual enough. my sister is an infp and i think she has a lot more “supernatural” beliefs than i do, i feel like sometimes i’m too materialistic to be an infp, or that i don’t have enough ideas, for example when i try to write a story, i have nice ideas for the beginning but then i don’t know how to develop it, i know what things i don’t like about society but i have no idea what to do to fix those in a concrete way, i’m fascinated by theories and innovative solutions but i think i don’t come out with enough ideas myself.

<- how do you know for sure your sister is an INFP? She might be an ENFP. Or an SFJ. Or any other type. Also, comparisons aren’t helpful most of the time. It should be about you and how your mind works (which TBH seems INFP) and not “oh, this person ACTS more like an INFP than me.” Um. How does an INFP act? All of them are unique within their type. ;)

Having good ideas but no follow through is related to poor Te planning skills, not Ne. Having strong views about society but no idea of how to change it is also Fi ------------ > Te related. Also, Ne doesn’t come up with its own ideas just at random, it has to have something trigger them -- one idea leads to more, like popcorn exploding in a machine. But you have to mentally engage with the object / philosophy / belief system / whatever it is FIRST and CARE about it, otherwise Ne won’t bother to put any effort into popping out connections.

also i’m studying to become a pharmacist because is at the same time something i like and something which i think would give me a stable job, while i think Fi-Ne would be more about something artistic which allow self expression, regardless of the real job opportunities. <- this is somewhat true, but you forget that all INFPs have SiTe, which likes stability and to be able to afford food.

You sound 6w7 fixed also, behind your 9, if there’s that much confusion. In my experience, Ne + 6w7 fixed generates a nervous tension of “I am X type...” followed by jumping up 5 seconds later to re-evaluate it.

[laketaj24]

B C G J with Henry?❤

Author’s Note: I meant to post this one yesterday before work and didn’t get to it!! Got a few more coming!! Thanks for the request love!! (Found Gif via Google)

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Henry admires your smile the most since it’s something that often he mirrors. He likes the curve of your lips and the way your real smile meets your eyes.

He also admires your heart; generally, you have the right thing in mind when you make a decision, and it’s never about yourself. You support his charities and even have started some of your own

He is really drawn to the way you became comfortable around him so fast, lounging in sweatpants and his shirt around the house planning the time you have together carefully

Likes that you have eyes for no one else but him

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack, etc.?

He is the type to get right down to the problem and is highly methodical.

Henry would notice the change; first, you pouting or just not being your usual self, if it’s not severe. It would be little things no creamer in your coffee or leaving lights on when you normally turn them on. “What’s going on?”

And when you deny it, he’d just pamper you until you wanted t talk about it. Bubble baths, cooking and making sure you were tended to until you spilled

And of course, you when spilled it all to him he would be all ears ready to help you conquer whatever the problem was

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Morning love letters, “Morning beautiful, stay here. I’m on the way back with food.”

Breakfast in bed followed by morning sex and him listening to you talk about last night’s dreams.

Henry doesn’t seem like a materialistic guy, like diamonds and pearls. His gratitude would be small actions of adoration or really grand ones.

He firstly shows it every day, morning kisses, back rubs, and worshipping your body simply because it’s yours. Loving you for every imperfection, making sure you know that’s why he loves you

Henry is dedicated to his work, so he brings you to the set to flaunt you off every chance he gets

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Yes, and it’s usually secretly and not triggered by anything you did, but the guy.

“The bloody nerve of him?”

“Of who?” You asked, completely confused. The flashes of the camera had slightly disoriented you, but gratefully they had stopped once you were inside the theater. It wasn’t many people who had arrived yet, and for that, you were happy.

“Mark, he looked right at your ass as if I wasn’t standing there.” Henry tugged at his collar, clearly frustrated. You chuckled, and his eyes met yours, furrowed brow and irritated stance as he held his hand out for you.  “What is so funny?”

“You’re mad at him staring at me?”

“Uhm… obviously.”

“He can look, Henry, I am the property of Mr. Cavill, correct? Look, but don’t touch?”

“Look and get hit.” He growled still not satisfied before he leaned down and kissed you gently. “I’m fine.”

“Okay,” You suppressed a laugh. “Let’s get this over with so we can get home…” You purred, pulling him towards you. You noticed the eyes of Mark on you again. So you took henry closer to you and deepened the kiss flicking a bird t Mark behind his back. “I have things I want to do to you, Mr.”

[dayables]

4 and Shin? That's a dark one, but you write him well so I'd trust you with it. If you want something lighter instead, 17 for Shin!

Thank you for asking this! As you can see, I got into a very deep ramble about his life pre-death game and it doesn’t really tie in but I’ve kept it there :)  The last few parapraghs are the actual answers ahaha. Play some sad music in those paragrapths because I nearly cried with halloween music in the background.    4) What they would do if they had one month to live.   If Shin had one month left to live? We see it in the game kind of. Or at least kind of. Obviously imitating your ‘scary friend’ most likely abuser to try and turn everyone against your biggest threat isn’t going to work in real life. 

What the game and his 0.0% score does tell us (or heavily shove in our direction so we infer it) is that Shin is petrified of certain death to the point of desperation.

I do believe/headcanon that he is a very logical person. Almost everything he does is backed up by logic in the death game except for his last moments because screw logic that’s never worked before.  (The opposite of Keiji who’s likely very emotional until his potential last moments but this isn’t about him). So the question is, when did Shin’s last moments begin for him?  As the player, it’s when it’s that final choice between him and Kanna. To Shin this is likely a very different response. His last moments start the very second he gets told he’s doomed to die. Almost all of Shin’s choices in the game are emotional. Trusting Sara or at least earning her trust is the logical choice here. Making yourself her enemy because you are scared is the emotional one. He just lies to himself on the basis that she’s untrustworthy. Which, you can trick yourself into believing is logical.  It triggers a kind of flight or fight response in all our characters when they realise they can die here. All the cast barr Shin choose to fight and try and escape. Shin chooses the flight option here. Nothing he does actually prevents his death in the end. He just runs away from the inevitable doom. 

 I am once again inferring by comparing him to rest of the cast the death is a deep rooted trauma (and I definitely have thoughts on why). While the concept of death is one that scares everyone, no one seems to revel in it the way Shin does. He is living an incredibly safe life. A free lance programmer (by the sounds of it)  which earns an average of £60 an hour. He has a side job at a convenience store (that wasn’t a lie). He doesn’t leave his apartment much meaning he doesn’t have much of a social life. Shin is in a position in life where it’ll be near impossible to hurt him. Obviously he isn’t earning 60 quid an hour, but he has the potential too. Once he’s set up and successful, he’ll be able to die old. Alone, maybe not happy, but old.  For a guy likely in his early to mid twenties, things are bound to change but only as much as he lets them. From one person who will happily spend all their life in their own company to another, Shin isn’t going to change that. Not when he’s too scared to let someone past arms width and will avoid doing so. By the time he gets his game together and his skinny self to therapy it’ll likely be too late to make the same connections he has the chance too at his current age.  It’s not emotional because even the most introverted of introverts desires a life all alone. It’s a logical one for the fears and life he has. I don’t think that means he isn’t happy. It just thinks there’s a potential that he could have been happier. 

For Midori to have gotten as close as he was and no one to pull up the red flags his friends either didn’t care or didn’t exist. Most likely the latter seeing as he is very much in the process of mourning three years after his friends death. He likely wasn’t close enough to his parents to feel he could go to them over something as silly as Midori’s death. In the aftermath, Shin will be confused and muddled. In some ways, he’ll be elevated because he is free, he can move on. In other ways he’ll be lost, devastated and empty. Shin will also have a semblance of independence back. He doesn’t think he shows enough gratitude to his parents for materialistic items. Midori’s abuse was likely emotional or verbal. It probably consisted of vague threats, put downs, anger, power dynamics and a shrug at Shin’s emotions. I’m in no way a professional but after years of this Shin is going to think his emotions are something he should be able to handle himself, something he might not be able to do if he started to repress them in his teens. Shin likely has a warped sense of independence. Instead of being free from others control, he’ll likely think it means he can’t get help and must deal with everything alone. 

Being told that his death is round the corner strips two things that he values most away from him. He now has zero control over his life and worse, it ends with him dyeing. Shin would grasp for straws to have that independence back and therefore escape his own death. If he couldn’t get his independence back then he’ll try and avoid the end outcome. 

His last month would be a goose chase to avoid death. There’d be a list of everything he has to do. Fuck his jobs, fuck debt he needs to get to the hospital. Get checked up! Make sure he’s well. He’d do it everyday. Does he have enough medicine? Wet wipes, stock up on healthy food, hand sanitizer? Does he have enough hand sanitizer? Make sure his room is squeaky clean, don’t let anyone in, don’t answer the phone. Bolt the windows and live off ramen and debt for the rest of the month. Beanie on, beanie off, what is he going to die from? Has he prevented any possible cause? He’s forgotten to call his parents. That’s fine because he shouldn’t be dyeing anyway. It’s logical. It’s all logical. This is not his fear of death speaking through everything he is doing is logical! Now he just needs to figure out what’s causing this all? How did that person know? Then on the last day. He’d just give up. He’d finally pick up that phone and call his parents. He’d thank them and explain. He’d apologize for the debt because he’s swimming in it then he’d hang up. Shin would then proceed to cry in bed all day and trying to sleep so he just doesn’t wake up.  Then, while it’s a tragedy, I think he’d accept it. I don’t think he ever really thought he had a chance but his emotions drove him round and round in circles. Maybe he would regret his whole life and look back on it all. In a none death game scenario Shin seems like a brooder. He doesn’t have Kanna to live for so he has no reason to push forward. I think in the end he’d reach the conclusion his life was pretty pointless. Just as he’d slip from consciousness I imagine he’d think of Midori. Nearly everything we know about Shin seems to revolves about Midori . We, the player, never know him before the guy entered his life. That guy has a big impacts in his life and in a world where that was the only person to leave such a big mark? I think he’d go back to Midori. Especially with nothing to distract him from his mourning. 

It’s quite sad really. He lets his fear control him too much. Midori controls him too much and they’re both aware of that fact. But in the short, Shin would try and avoid his death. Hell he’ll likely die of exhaustion or caffeine overdose

His ending in the main game, I think that’s the best way Shin could have gone at that age. Dying for Kanna and letting go of his cynicism. 

Ending this off with 17 because I need that jokeness now, after all that. 

17) What would they sing at Karaoke? 

Everyone expects Shin to like bang out with some Beyonce or something. Maybe one of those silly little disney parodies. Everyone would make a joke about what he should sing because he’s indecisive as hell. 

Keiji Kai and all of those mature adults suggest Single Ladies,  Mr. Brightside,  Fireworks, Wannabe because classic Karoke songs you actually have to be able to sing when Shin 100% can’t? Count them in! 

Midori would suggest something embarrassing he knew wouldn’t even be funny to watch. Just painful. 

Gin, Sara, Reko and Alice are snickering behind their hands as they suggest Poor Unfourtunate Souls,  How Bad Can I Be (Alice ended up doing that one), The oogie boogie song and the price Ali reprise. 

When he refuses Sara refuses to let him get away with not being painted as some corny villian and dedicates her singing of Cruella De Vil to him.

Then Kanna taps on his shoulder and tells him what to sing and A: It’s Kanna’s suggestion B: It’s not and a bonus C if he’s drunk: He gets to whack a certain police officer and teacher with a hockey stick. 

And my inner theatre Kid shines through as he I say Shin sings Revolting Children and can’t get his letters write, drunk or sober. 

‘R e v o t l i n !’  instead of ‘ R E V O L T I N G’ 

‘S P L L!’ instead of ‘ S P E L’ 

‘TOO LATE FOR YOU?’ Instead of  ‘ 2-L-8-4-U ‘

I kid you not I have knows this song for years and I still struggle. You can not do that spelling rhythm first time. 

Also the lines. The lines!   We will become a screaming hoard.//Take out your hockey sticks and use it as a sword.// Never again will we be ignored.//We'll find out where the chalk is stored// And draw rude pictures on the board.

It’s such a childish song but it’s so hard. He struggles and struggles and one day he will get it because it’s so simple and why can’t he do it roght! Also, it suits him. Sue me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6PXm34OBP8

[hczcls]

hello hello hello !! it’s been a minute since i was in a group setting so forgive me for any mishaps, i am but a lost soul. anywho under the cut is a bit about my child lottie, she’s a mess and a thousand but love her anyways! hmu if you would like to plot or have any wanted connections you can see this child fitting in!

tw:  alcoholism, drug addiction, death, grief, overdose, child neglect, child abuse, underage sex, porn.

APP.

( dove cameron, cisfemale ) - Have you seen CHARLOTTE HALE? LOTTIE is in HER JUNIOR YEAR OF STUDY year. The JOURNALISM MAJOR is/are 23 years old & is a SCORPIO . People say SHE is/are CHARISMATIC, INDEPENDENT, AGGRESSIVE and CRUEL. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY. I heard from the gossip blog that HAS A ONLYFANS.  (mon. 25. est. she/her.)

AESTHETICS.

the last breath during a chilly night out, champagne flutes and forgotten cigarettes on bar counters. melodic laughter of a child unhinged,  fur coats and ripped fishnet stockings, warm hands on cold bodies, spinning until your ears ring and your stomach curdles, the 3 AM headache from a long night out. the screeching sound of the electric guitar, broken glass scattered across an unkempt home, the hollowness of loneliness, blasting music echoing through empty halls, sandy hallways and discarded clothes, screened phone calls and short voicemails, stacks of medical bills and scattered chips of redemption.

- here’s her board!!

SYNOPSIS.

In short, Lottie Haze fits into the cliché realm of a spoiled rich socialite. Growing up the daughter of a famous rockstar did nothing for her humbleness, being the heiress of a family fortune made before her father in the fashion of famous Las Vegas casinos, Lottie was doomed to a life of narcissism and selfishness from the start. Her life is a blur before coming to Yates, she doesn’t delve much into her past and doesn’t stand for the curios pokes and prods from her fellow peers after they watch all the documentaries about her past. Drug abuse, life on the road, the death of her mother, her own overdose at such a young age before being plucked out of her father’s arms. Lottie doesn’t think about it, doesn’t speak about it, but it’s all there, edited from time to time on Wikipedia. Famous for being nothing but the child of the rich, Lottie’s a lot more than meets the eye, but at paper-thin, she’ll allow most to think she’s the typical Instagram influencer, rich, pretty girl plagued with basicness and ignorance.

HISTORY.

Charlotte Haze’s parents weren’t good for each other. It wasn’t a healthy relationship; it wasn’t made from start dust and fairytales. It was a match made in hell, two selfish souls uniting in a mix of tequila and heroin in the back of the Stillborns’ tour bus. Ricky Danger was her father, a name coined from the mind of a self-indulging teenager with too much time on his hand and brain clouded with too many pills. When Jeanette Haze, daughter of a multibillionaire hotel and casino owner, told him the news of their child he was excited, not thinking of the dangers and responsibilities that came along with a child born of wedlock and on the road. Charlotte couldn’t remember a time in her childhood when things were normal, nothing was the cookie-cutter dream house that most children fantasize about, they had no real home, she had no real toys, no friends her age, everything was clouded with smoke and glamour, money and gifts sent to her by her grandparents who couldn’t gain control of their wild daughter and her idiot of a boyfriend  who was too busy dragging their toddler all over the world with them.

Her mother died of heart failure when she was eight, something that happened so fast that she barely had time to register what it was. There were two funerals, the respectable one full of family members she’d never met who touched her blonde curls, cradled her chubby cheeks, told her how much she looked like her mother and the one thrown by her father. Where men all spoke highly of her departed mother, where alcohol was passed around, stories were told, and the friends she grew up with made her smile and laugh, instead of feeling lost and alone. Lottie was too young to know what was going on behind closed doors, too sheltered from her grandparents to know that they were doing everything in their power to take her away from her father, who simply brushed the death of her mother off his shoulders, and carried on in life, numbed by booze and drugs. This lifestyle wasn’t something a child should grow up in, an idiot knew that, but Ricky didn’t see a problem with it, he didn’t see how damaging it was, he didn’t care, and once he thought Lottie was old enough, he shared it with her.

Charlotte was 11 the first time she got drunk, 12 the first the time she smoked weed, 13 the first time she had sex, and fourteen when she first got addicted to cocaine. The list grew as she did, the perfect little star on the road, the daughter of the world’s ‘best’ guitarist, the lead singer of The Stillborns. He was so proud of his girl, he loved her more than anything, and she lived to make him proud. She could remember the concerned looks from tutors on the road, her father hiring them to make sure he could keep Lottie at his side, having her learn from the strangers when she could, paying them off not to speak about the things his daughter was involved in, and everyone turned their head, said nothing. Charlotte didn’t know any better, the life she lived was all she knew, all she loved. Sex, drugs, and rock & roll, just like her mother, she was truly the perfect girl, just like her father had wanted her to be.

That all changed when she was seventeen. when one night her father must have misjudged the dose he helped her shoot into her veins. Ricky had had his fair share of overdoses, his own, his buddies, even the one that put his wife into cardiac arrest and took her from him. Though when his daughter started to convulse, he couldn’t bring himself to do much of anything but push her onto her side and dial 911. He left her in the dutiful hands of his band manager and a family friend before he left her alone to wake up in the hospital with no clue what had happened, no idea where her he was, and an onslaught of CPS agents, police, and paparazzi.

It was all that was needed for her grandparents to finally get custody of Charlotte, proof of her father’s neglect, proof of his horrible influence of the young girl. Lottie waited for him, waited for him to show up at the hospital, show up at court, show up to fight for her, but he never did. He never called, he never wrote, and when Charlotte was moving in with her grandparents in their little ranch in Las Vegas after spending months in a rehabilitation center, she still heard nothing from her father. The tides changed then, Charlotte realized she couldn’t go on living the way she had, the way her mother had, so rather than wait until the day she was eighteen to go back to her old life, she made a new one, or at least she tried to. It was a twisted Cinderella story, at least that’s how the news showed it. The once tragic life of a child of rock & roll turned into the sugary sweet life of a beautiful Instagram star, Charlotte Haze coined a new life for herself, with the watchful and worried eye of her grandmother.

PRESENT.

College seemed like something that would be good. A set routine, a new chance at life, a way to start over…  sure she didn’t do the best at school on the road but was that her fault or the environments. It would be something normal, a true school environment she never got to experience.  Vermont was far, but with some tears and lots of convincing, she was able to get them to agree to let her leave. , and they made sure to give her everything she needed to get on well, with a few standards she had to meet at least. Music would always be apart of Charlotte’s life, even if her father wasn’t, so she figured journalism would be good for her, getting to explore the lives of all the musicians and artists but while also keeping a safe distance from the true lives some lived on the road, not wanting to break her vow to herself, to avoid any and all triggers to her past.

She’s been sober for a while, though the bumps of life have given her a few setbacks, relapsing is part of the process, after all, at least that’s what she told herself each time she embarrassingly returned to her NA meetings or faced the disappointed look of her grandmother who controlled her allowances, basing how much money she fed to the spoiled girl by how stable her life seemed to be at the time. Lottie was going to live her life for herself, she did what she wanted, how she wanted it, though she put on her best appearances for her grandmother, after all, it wasn’t like she was actually going to get a job to support herself, not when she had all the money she could ever ask for in her namesake alone.

SECRET.

Lottie is used to having things handed to her, she’s used to being able to spend her money frivolously, with no care or worry of consequence. But when her grandparents cut her off and the cash flow stops coming in, there’s not much for her to do to keep her materialistic life up. Sure she could get a job on campus, work at a book store, the coffee shop, the record store… but Lottie doesn’t like to work… and she has little patience for tedious things… and so her genius idea was to make money off doing the one thing she never got bored of, sex. Lottie has a secret camgirl/porn account that she earns extra cash from, it’s not something she’s ashamed of at all, but she doesn’t want it getting out on account of her old money grandparents and her widely known father, the last thing she wants to be is a cliche, even if she’s happily living as one.

TLDR.

So basically, Lottie’s got a tricky background, she’s rich af, spoiled af, bitchy af, and kind of just does what she wants whenever she wants. She’s up and down with her sobriety, views everything pretty cockeyed, considering she doesn’t want to trigger herself into using again, but will down a bottle of Grey Goose with little consideration of the consequences. She’s got a lot to hide still, gets her inheritance from her grandparents and that can be easily toyed with, considering they view her life with a magnifying glass. Connection wise she’s open to anything, hookups, passed hookups, ex’s, FWBs, frenemies, best friends, she’s bi and ready to cry so please, love her.

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Midge!

You have been accepted for the role of ANDROMEDA TONKS with the faceclaim change of Gemma Arterton! We really enjoyed how the old prejudices come out with your Andromeda, all while trying to combat them. We think it’ll be really interesting to see how she fits within her role in the Order, especially since she’ll be connected to old family. So excited to have you as part of the roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME & PRONOUNS: Midge ( she / her )

AGE: 28

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: It’s pretty solid - I am generally around to plot on mobile throughout the day and while my job can be very demanding at certain times of the year, I still am able to post a few times a week. 

ANYTHING ELSE: ( Triggers ) Rape, incest. [edited for clarity]

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Andromeda Cassiopeia Tonks ( nee Black )

AGE: Twenty-nine

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: CIS Female ( she / her ). Heterosexual. While Bi-Curious, Andromeda has never explored her sexuality fully. 

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

ANY CHANGES: I would love to use Gemma Arterton, if possible!

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY: Scorpio ( Sun ). Scorpio ( Moon ). Taurus ( Rising ). 

A sun in Scorpio and ascendant in Taurus, Andromeda does often find difficulty understanding how she is perceived by others. In a position where rubbing people the wrong way was never much of a worry of hers, she often presents herself as materialistic and overly self-involved. While materialism is something she is mindful of ( finding comfort through her means being something she does strive towards ), this is not her driving force. 

Her Sun being in Scorpio means she has a fundamental urge to get to the bottom of things, which can at times lead her to be manipulative or power-hungry, but it is from a place of intense passion for authenticity, real intimacy, and the truth. Andromeda is driven to set herself apart from others, often through her close relationships and long-term partnerships. Her desire for marriage was not only born out of a moment of heated vitriol to her family, but also in the pursuit of sustaining the connection she felt with Ted in the most lasting manner she could think. 

Her Moon represents her emotional self: intense, passionate, and a bit dramatic. With an eye for a bit of a show, she still is inclined to keep her more intense and darker emotions private and has a hard time truly letting people in. Trust is hard-fought with her, and while she is very perceptive this sometimes manifests in suspicion and even controlling tendencies. The through-line of Andromeda’s personality is that she craves intimacy, and while it takes effort to get to the core of her it is upon being truly known she finds herself most fulfilled. 

Dromeda is extremely practical, she is reliable and deliberate, giving off the impression of someone who is sensible ( though sometimes, extremely, stubborn ). Through her insightful intuition, Andromeda excels not only in her career but her obsessive tendencies make for someone who can build out a life for herself. She avoids “ beating around the bush ” where she can, and as a result can come off as harsh or intrusive. Being as intuitive to others as she is, she also heavily relies on communicating through body language or if the relationship allows, physical affection. 

Ultimately, Andromeda can be very internal even when present with her own deeply intuitive and feeling self. Run through with a stubborn nature and desire to use her mental capacities to achieve her own personally set goals, she is ultimately a loving and devoted person to those she allows past the moments of discernment. As a result she’s always very aware of any who come into those people’s lives, utilizing her scrupulous nature to ensure that what she holds dear remains safely guarded. 

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY: ( TW: Mention of child death ) 

It is their cousin who tells them his sister died.

Not much older than Cissa, Iris died before she could even get a place on the family tree. Aunt Lavinia sits by a window and while her eyes are transfixed on the glass, Andromeda somehow knows she is not looking at anything that is outside. The house is quiet, save for Evan occasionally tugging at the cat’s tail just to hear it hiss. Normally Dromeda would tell him to stop, normally she would start pulling his hair so he could understand how it felt. But normally he did not have a dead sister so she sits with her hands politely folded in her lap.

In any case, she has a question to ask.

" Why? "                                       

" How? "

The second question comes rushing from Bella.

They do not receive any answer right away, a pinch from Mother and a look from Father bars any more words from leaving their lips the rest of the visit. They get their answer at home before bed, Mother and Father sits them down in front of a window. Aunt Lavinia’s eyes must still be looking at but not out the window in her own home, Dromeda thinks while her too-wide and observant eyes strain to study Mother’s face.

As usual, it comes back to those creatures called Muggles. The same who burn witches and wizards alive, the same who beat Andromeda’s relatives and stoned them to death. Those evil beings who destroy everything and made Wizard-kind ashamed of their powers. Mother tells Bellatrix and herself of a new heinous act.  They sneak into nurseries of the most innocent babies with their special, magical blood and pierce their soft, sweet skin with their teeth. They drink and drink until the baby stops breathing. They take all that is special from the child to pass on to their own offspring, to make those mudbloods look and speak as they do. They do it to infiltrate, to feed on more, to destroy every bit of goodness in the world.

( Aunt Lavinia’s baby is dead because of muggles - she was killed by a greedy, horrid monster. )

Mother tells her to stop clutching at her as she walks her back to her bedroom. She does her best, straightens her back and balls a small fist at her side - she stops holding Mother’s hand and instead tries to hold her own. It does nothing to stop her heart from racing. Once in bed, she counts the footsteps of Mother’s graceful stride until she knows she is alone. Until she knows she can move from her bed without being punished. Andromeda's less-than-graceful feet fumble from sheets and scramble to the ground. Frantic steps carry her toward the nursery. The door is cracked, and that is concerning.

It takes all of her courage to push through.

She expects to find a horned creature with long fangs hovering over her sister’s crib - instead she finds Bella laying on the floor beside it. With only a look exchanged in recognition, Andie joins her and is comforted in the thought Bella does not mind when she holds her hand. No matter how hard she squeezes.

Without any words the two sisters resolve themselves to be the protectors of the youngest from those who would wish to prey on her.

This memory begins to dull at age eleven. She watches a boy from across the Great Hall with mild curiosity, and his whole body moves as he laughs. 

“Filthy mudblood,” is sneered from somewhere down the table. Instinctively, Andromeda reaches for Bellatrix’s hand.  

( How odd, she thinks as she spots him later, he doesn’t seem to have fangs at all. ) 

She’s thirteen by the time they are formally introduced, her upbringing does not allow for her to be anything less than polite. At least, this is what she tells herself as she engages in conversation. He tells him his name is Ted and Andromeda spends the night thinking of how it felt when they clasped hands.

They talk, confined by isolated areas and the moonlight. Out of shame at first, perhaps. But there are some things Andromeda comes to find she only wants the moon sharing with her, with him.

Later ( in secret, away from her sisters’ prying eyes ), she’ll trace the veins in his wrist and she thinks she can feel the blood beneath begin to warm. How could it be thick, how could it be muddy - she thinks. His blood, and a burgeoning feeling becoming increasingly harder to ignore is as pure as anything she’s ever touched. Soft and warm when she’s nestled beside his beating heart, soft and warm even when she’s not.

( He’s not dirty, she thinks. Her family might be the one that is wrong. )

She’s lost to them long before they realize, long before she herself has accepted the truth. Ted holds one half of her, she believes, reserving some part that has listened to the lessons taught by her parents. Bellatrix’s infatuation of her own dalliance grows, a man who is allowed to eat at their table and handled their most prized heirlooms. He is the one who is unworthy, he is the one who poses the greater threat to everything important. ( There are bigger problems, she reasons, than a simple affair. )

Pregnancy brings on horrid morning sickness, and a slap that rings in her ear to this day, if she listens closely enough. “ Dead to us, ” they say. But offer a gift in the wake. As she spills out into the night air she finds herself gasping, as though she had resurfaced, as though she has just been saved from a watery grave. 

( She stops by Cissa’s room, hoping to salvage at least one piece ). 

Years of playing protector, vanquisher of the monsters under the bed, come full circle on her own. Nymphadora is born without the usual pomp and circumstance she has known in such occasions, but love pours from her quickly enraptured by strong lungs unabashedly wailing into the night air. Born able to achieve whatever she would like. That’s what she tells her, whispered promises like the exchange of vows shared with Ted before. 

( She tries to ignore the Daily Prophet’s proclamations of anything else ).

A life is built, with difficulty and with trial and error ( how was she to know washing machines were to work like that? ) She is happy, she thinks, after years of being told such pursuits are foolish or secondary. She can protect them, she can keep them just isolated enough to not call any attention their way. There’s an effort to bring them closer to the fold but Andromeda balks at such a concept. ( Albus Dumbledore can not be trusted, she implores. Men with such power rarely care for their pawns at play ). 

And still the part of her remains. The way certain light catches and she can feel those around her stiffen ( She looks so much like her, doesn’t she? ) The part of her which sharpened fangs in duels with Bellatrix left idly twiddling her fingers. It’s relentless, the tide. All the reasons why her job suits her. All the best, she thinks, to keep some things separate. 

( She was told, once, about the myth behind her name. The Chained Woman. Andromeda was never asked her opinion, or so it’s said. Perhaps she only knew better to keep it to herself. )

OCCUPATION: 

Unspeakable in the Ministry of Magic. A niche for ancient artifacts and interest in history allows for her attention to be drawn to the mysteries that keep magic interesting. Andromeda enjoys her job, finding it satisfying an itch she oftentimes could feel ashamed of ( if she spent much time thinking about what compels her, that is ). It is with the understanding of the level of access such a position has given her that she found herself acting as informant to the Order in the first place, and not necessarily because she felt any good will towards the movement of radicals. Andromeda isn’t compelled to trust the Ministry, exactly, nor is she inclined to leave her trust with men recruiting children to war. Her loyalty has always been a closed circle, stuck to a desire to move forward and a need to provide for her family. 

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER: 

Andromeda is more inclined to believe that the Ministry and actual authority would have the means to bring about the end of the war, but with the shift of tide she understands that such measures are a necessary evil. For however far removed she has been from the Black Family Tapestry for the time she’s been married, Andromeda still remembers what it was like to host Voldemort for dinner parties as Bellatrix’s obsession for him grew. She is of a unique group who understood what was happening long before the Daily Prophet began their war correspondence. 

That being said, Andromeda also knows of the ambition of man in general. Whispers of a vigilante group were met with indifference at first, she was ( perhaps misguidedly ) indignant at the idea of a select few taking matters into their own hands, let alone the rumors that some were being recruited right out of school? Her opinion on the group as a whole has only slightly softened since a few loved ones got involved, most notably Sirius and now Ted. Accepting the reality of the threat they are faced with comes with the ( somewhat begrudging ) acceptance compromises must be made. 

SURVIVAL: 

To put it bluntly, survival is everything to Andromeda. Above all else she is a true Slytherin and will do whatever it takes to survive, the caveat being that this extends to her family. Andromeda, though certainly affected by her upbringing in prejudice and violent bigotry, has not been indoctrinated in the same way. However, a certain edge to her allows for more than a few people to draw the direct line of understanding she is cut of the same cloth as Bellatrix Lestrange. While Bella found herself perverted past recognition to her devotion to the cause and her “master”, Andromeda made conscientious decisions to be as self-possessed as possible. This includes a willingness to play coy with the war effort that stands to protect her way of life. 

Because, and this is very important, Andromeda thinks herself above it. She does not always draw a direct correlation to the suffering of others to what could become of her, because in Andromeda’s mind she will simply not allow it to happen. She knows she will be ruthless when it comes down to it, and tries to maintain a certain amount of plausible deniability when it comes to moments in which she is directly associated with the war. 

RELATIONSHIPS: 

Ted is, above everything else, the love of her life. She would have moved them to another country if she had her way but they settled on a cottage by the coast. They have fundamental disagreements and while there are times when he is met with exasperation on her end Andromeda has always liked the challenge he presented to her. A certain recklessness to give himself over to a cause rather than be content with the life they have stolen away offers a host of issues she would rather avoid; and it is in part due to this reasoning she doesn’t always share her own passing along of details. Ultimately, however, everything Dromeda does is for Ted, for their family. 

Andromeda carries with her an adolescence of her family’s social engineering, which means she has connections in various places ( some she isn’t the quickest to acknowledge ). I think she finds herself drawn to the other members of her family who have been disowned, or even the women around her year who she recognized herself in. Which is to say nothing of the particular status she has achieved as an Unspeakable. Indifferent to status ( possibly as a result of it always being given to her ), Drom certainly knows how to use it. 

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: I am a huge sucker for Tedromeda, to be perfectly honest. But at the end of the day I will write with wherever there is chemistry and am always looking for fun avenues to explore! 

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?: 

There is a lifetime of prejudice which Andromeda needs to consistently unpack and confront ( and, as is the way of someone who grew up as incredibly privileged as she did, she is not always willing to do the work ). In many ways, hers is the story of triumph of love over the built-in bigotry that poisoned her home. In practice, it is much trickier. For as much as Andromeda knows what her family is now, there are still fond memories she holds dear. For all the horrors she knows that have been perpetrated in the name of purity, she often finds herself subject to the conditioning she was raised on.

Andromeda was taught, young and often, through the various state-sanctioned ( and family approved ) propaganda pieces to fear and resent anything that would be seen to be an outside, infiltrating force. She does attempt to give her daughter a more objective education of the world around them, though this is made increasingly difficult with the way the war seems to be going. Fear does things to people, she knows more than most, but there is a lack of malice in her heart. 

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?: 

Honestly, I’ve been keeping my eye on this roleplay for some time and the stars just aligned in terms of my schedule opening up and a role that I wanted to play around with! Andromeda is fascinating to me because of all her contradictions, as well as a major resistance to actively take part in a war which she could potentially play a role in. I think the natural tension between her and former family members could also lead to a very interesting dynamic as we move forward! 

PLOT DROP IDEAS:

I am open to going with the flow and love organically plotting, but I think Andromeda’s position at the Ministry / her being an informant to the Order could really challenge her laissez faire attitude when it comes to the war in general. Along with the building tension she has in her own home, and her desire to keep her family safe above anything else, it would be interesting to explore the boiling point of where that all comes to a head. Passivity has no place when she has a husband actively partaking in the war effort, and when the outcome could potentially call into question his safety she might have to fully establish herself as a combatant against what she was raised in. 

ANYTHING ELSE? I don’t think so!