#also i am not in the fandom the gay men game will not consume me I AM STRONG

[dirk-menace]

so emesis blue right

click for quality

[danandphilchronology]

What the heck am I doing?

Hello Internet! (I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself)

I have decided to embark on an adventure, a deep dive through the history that is the existence and influence or Philip Lester and Daniel Howell on the internet. I am sure that this will fill me with cringe and the upmost appreciation for my favorite internet lads.

You may be asking yourself, Why?.

Thank you for asking, let me tell you.

I can remember exactly where I was when I saw my very first video with Dan and Phil. I was in middle school and I was laughing myself to tears while watching innuendo bingo in 2012. From that moment on, I followed them both nearly religiously. Doing my best not to miss a livestream, be in the first 301 to see their new uploads, amongst other intense parasocial obligations I had placed on myself. That was until I graduated High School and started college.

College was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I was constantly under pressure to perform well in classes AND I was determined to be the most involved student. I was very lucky to have a few really close friends to keep me sane, but I stopped doing things that I enjoyed and forced myself to stretch myself thinner than a cheesecloth.

Flash forward to now with the resurgence of Dan and Phil games and the remarkable experience of being able to reenter a fandom feeling like you never left. However, there are some major gaps I have found being on dnptwt and I want to fill in those gaps and revisit the many things that these chaotic gays have given us over their over 14+ year careers on youtube.

I was on twitter the other day and someone shared a playlist of all of Dan and Phil's videos in chronological order and I have not been able to stop thinking about sitting down and going from where it all started and getting to see the amazing and proud men they are today.

So, now you are asking, and the intellectuals I know that you are, What is the point of this blog? You inquisitive lad, let me tell you. My friends, while the know of Dip and Pip, have no interest in doing this deep dive with me. So, I came to the one place on the internet where deep diving into a topic that I have become (and will continue to be, lets be honest) hyper fixated on, it not only allowed, but often encouraged.

No one is required to care about what I say, but I can say it and someone somewhere might think the same thing! Or someone who is new to the whole fandom may find it and find my anecdotal mumbling to be interesting and helpful! Who knows!

Anyway, you have found this blog, you have read this far and I still haven't lost you? I'm going to assume you are a slowburn fic consumer and I think you'll appreciate my approach.

What do you have to look forward too?

The goal is a video a day. The early videos are much shorter, so I wouldn't be surprised if, at least for a while, I do quite a few in a single sitting. Each video will get its own post where I highlight my favorite (and least favorite bits). I may also highlight some things that were going on during that time and mark each video some current event. The best thing is that I get to decided as I'm going, but I promise I will do my best to make it equal parts entertaining and informative.

Thank you for making it this far! I hope that I don't disappoint you <3

[georgieluz]

Hey Jules! 2, 9, 14, 19, 24, and 28 for the HBO War positivity ask game please ☺️

hi lou!! ofc ofc!! :)

2 - who are some your fav creators/mutuals?

i love all of my mutuals and every creator in the fandom bc everyone is just amazing!! but to list just a few @footprintsinthesxnd, yourself!! (@luckynumber4), @ep6bastogne @lamialamia @thewayisset @lewis-winters @jenkil @mads-weasley @hellofanidea @liptonwashere @malarkgirlypop @panzershrike-pretz @sweetxvanixlla @whollyjoly @samwinchesterslostshoe @next-autopsy @iceman-kazansky @heystovepipeboys @theflyingfin @cody-helix02 and many many more!

special shout out to the cult!! zim zam, my friends, zim zam!!! also i'm so sorry if i forgot to tag anyone!!

9 - a ship that you can't get enough of?

bradnate, andyeddie, snurgie, ronnix, lipluz, webgott, and no matter how much winnix i consume it never gets old so them too!

14 - your fav underrated character?

ooh this is always hard bc everyone classifies underrated as a different thing.. are burgie and harry underrated? if so, them! chuck grant, tab (this man is so loved he's can't be underrated but i couldn't not mention mr lover lover himself), alton more??? one of the most interesting easy co men for sure!! wish we had more of him (lol)

19 - what's your fav universally-accepted/fanon headcanon about a character?

ooh either all the nix childhood fanon or the andyeddie ghosts/afterlife/grief fanon.. yeah.. that hits the spot

24 - what wip from another creator are you most excited about?

all of @ep6bastogne's wips (yes i read all your tags about them in utter anticipation), @luckynumber4's burgie wip! anything @footprintsinthesxnd writes! same with @lewis-winters ALL of your wips sound so so sooooo up my street/my thing!! there are so many more but despite my plans to spend the day at home i actually have to leave the comfort of my bed and brave the cold outside, and i'm late already so i'm gonna have to stop listing, but it's very likely that i'm excited for almost every single wip any of you guys have!

28 - what's something that lives in your brain rent free and you want everyone to know about the show/the fandom/your works?

outside of hbowar??? oooh i have LOADS of things!! the thick of it!! it has such clever funny writing, the best dialogue and political satire ever, because it's just so true to life and accurate for uk politics. peter capaldi is fucking amazing in it! and you'll see a lot of uk actors that are famous for other things here. but yeah, it's just hilarious and witty and clever. love it. go watch it. ummm other than that, the korean band onewe!! please go listen to them, they are ridiculously talented and have the kindest most lovely and accepting fandom in the world. in fact, the hbo war fandom and onewe fandom are the only two fandoms i've ever felt happy and comfortable in. onewe write beautiful songs with the most gorgeous lyrics (they have a space series which is one of my all-time favourites). ALSO pride (2014) as a movie recommendation! this film is my comfort film but it tears me apart as well. some people watch it for the queerness and come away learning about welsh history too.. for others, it's the opposite. but as a welsh gay man for me both those elements are so important to who i am and my own identity, that this film is just feels so incredibly special to me. especially the character gethin who i really feel i can relate to a lot due to our circumstances. tim roth is someone who i always wanna shout about and who lives rent free in my head too. love that man so much. also the band the libertines!! because them and the strokes were my entire teenage years and i pretty much grew up with their music as my 'soundtrack'. ok i think that's enough, even though i definitely have way more to shout about. sorry i rambled!

for this ask game!

[wispcherry]

second time around on the same url baby! I swear I am NOT a bot

hi okay so this is, at the moment, a fanpage. probably for fanart and mumblings and what have you. really been consumed by good omens (+ related Europeans) lately but i also get silly with poetry, geology, linguistics, art, Scooby Doo for some reason, dungeons and dragons, Zelda. I cannot stress it enough that I'm into Mitski, and everything queer under the sun. and out of it. we here at wispcherry stay goofy.

tag guides for your favoritest weird guy:

Good Omens (Good Fucking Grief Neil)

#past my ear = good omens reblogs! not my own thing

#the plume of my imaginary tante = my own ramblings about good omens.

Still working on a fanart tag because. I haven't posted fanart yet.

Supernatural (I haven't finished it so I can only post + look at so much. Grief)

#big super naturals = my own original spn posts. you're a tumblite you know what spn is

Scooby Doo

#ruh roh. reblog = this franchise consumed me at a young age

ZELDAAAAA

#skyward shitposting = im too tired for separate game tagging. love link and zelda though

Staged

#six characters in search of one single braincell = our boys.

Unhhh/Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova

#i got a sunburn and im fucked now = definitely unhhh, until I post more this might just be an umbrella tag

gritted teeth. dungeons and dragons / dropout

#two hundred and twenty five adult blog posts = fantasy high reblogs and posts...

#hairy baby spam = the unsleeping city... oh god..

Castlevania. Drops to my Knees.

#my immortal netflix adaptation = feral about this but the hyperfixaton hasn't kicked into full swing yet

ohhhhgod. Doctor Who

#just a few days ago i was this really brilliant secondary blog = im on series 2 baby

ATLA (all versions. we don't talk about the old live action)

#the newly refurbished blog tag

ace attorney trilogy

#gay japanese and european. triple homocide

the other ones :]

#beanfreaking = just me carping around on this account. bein a little guy. reblogs and original bits

#wispy bits = it's a staged reference. it's men. it's. i like men. men related thing. women and others too. just folks i like :]. reblogs and original bits

#queue idiot. we could have been us = IM SORRY LMAO. queued bits.

if you want to get to know a brief bit about me:

Hi, my name is Monty, I'm a trans. Something. and I use he/they pronouns. 17 going on 18. Filipino-Japanese-German-Irish. It's a mouthful. Unfortunately a boykisser, luckily a ladyliker, always an appreciation for those in between. Friendly to most. Most. I think roleplaying is kind of sick (positive connotation) and that being in fandoms is positively delightful. AI is shit. Free Palestine. TERFs, MAPs, MRAs, fascists, you know the like, can fuck off. ACAB. Unless it's Inspector Constable. (Can't say much about inspectors and constables, I'm from the states.) I'm a silly guy but please be decent on the page. And off of it.

[breakingbridges]

To not bog down the already long previous post:

I like enemies to lovers, and I like two dudes having this relationship because when it's a woman and a man all I see is the hell of my past trauma and the broken relationships of most of the people in my life prior to becoming an adult. Two men who are proportionally the same in physical strength, though, who can overpower the other and choose to stop fighting and let the other in are safe to me. It's fiction I can clearly see and safely consume.

Most of the time I like writing male characters because it feels like they are more free and able to take care of themselves than a female character. Female characters are bogged down by 'WOW SHES SUCH A STRONG WOMAN FOR GOING OUT ON HER OWN' while a male character is just 'oh he's a dude'. There's no 'thought provoking narrative' I'm trying to write, there's no nod to gender topics or any such bullshit, I am Trying to Just Write a Person, and so I always end up writing dudes. I try to write nb people but weirdly I feel gross making them not masculine/more feminine, like THAT'S fetishizing them, so I swing back to sticking to masculine characters.

And I get flack for this from well meaning friends and from strangers. I get told I've got internal sexism, or I fetishize men, etc etc. I don't care at this point. Having a character be male just feels like a platform for writing a person not bogged down by topics I don't care to write about. For example: if my lord character falls in love with his knight, it's completely different than if my lady character falls in love with her knight--one is an heir who has to think of his family's legacy, the other is the family's PROPERTY wasted on a lowborn knight.

I'm not dealing with that. No interest whatsoever. I will delight in my dudes kicking each other's ass and having a warrior's bond or a rivalry from it. I will be over the moon from my dude finding friendship in another dude that blossoms into deeper feelings. I will build around the concept that gay relationships aren't wrong but rather 'well my lord you have to have a sire in order to progress your family lineage, we couldn't care who you're boning we just want you to at least figure out THAT hurdle before the nuptials' and THATS the big drama of the story. Or something else that's similar.

But I also just like not having any romance as an option because nothing is worse than having a game or media shoved that down your throat. Even one that isn't hetero. Like fandoms will act like a ship HAS to be canon it's got *so much subtext it has to be there* and that shit is just as annoying as the hetero romantic subtext.

Also, lately I've been getting into yuri because I've found my niche among mangas: villainess mangas to be precise. And that's the enemies to lovers I crave, the villainess being at odds with the heroine and *oh no they hold hands and it's cute*

I'm just a SIMPLE PREDICTABLE NERD but it's my favorite

[anti-bright-places]

MORE TAG GAMES WOOO. Thank you @aquaflora17 for the tag <3 (I always forget that it's you with this username haha and then it takes me a few seconds to remember why it's vaguely familiar, but also not lol) 1. Three ships Now I wouldn't be in my Gwen era if to this I didn't say

Larissa Weems/ Reader

Miranda Hilmarson/ Reader

Lucifer Morningstar (the Sandman)/ Reader

2. First ever ship

So technically my first ever ship was a straight Teacher Student ship from a German tv soap. But even tho I read and wrote fanfic for that one when I was like 13 I didn't really know that fandom and fanfics were a thing outside of the show.

And then the first ship I ever shipped outsided of it and that I read fics on an actual fanfiction website was snamione (before I swiftly changed to snarry, bc while teacher student was a must for teenage me (I was in love with like half of my teachers, my parents raised me so well lmao) I got bored of the straightness real quick lmao)

3. Last song

The last song that played on shuffle was The 11th Doctor's main theme (what a nerd) And the last song I added to my playlist was Slumber Party by Ashnikko (a gay nerd)

4. Last movie

Causeway. Literally just finished it and HOLY FUCK. It was u n c o m f o r t a b l e. Really needs a straight men tw that.

5. Currently reading

Apart from fanfics where I am subscribed to too many WIPs atm, I'm also reading Snow Globe by Georgia Beers.

6. Currently watching

Uhhmm... I don't have a show I am currently watching. I am trying to watch a lot of the oscar nominated movies tho before the ceremony next month. Just so that once I can actually give educated guesses. (at the moment I am thinking that Everything Everywhere All at One will either win best actress with Michelle Yeoh (although I think that'll go to Cate Blanchett) or Best Picture.) Then I guess I am watching Gwen's Version of Midsummer Night's Dream... That I started last month and don't have the energy to actually watch lol

7. Currently consuming

I just had tater tots and I have some water next to me.

8. Currently craving

Something chocolatey and a burger

I'm tagging everyone who wants to do this :)

[insomanic-fanfication]

My thoughts: Women reading MNBLMNB🌹🍃

Spoiler Alert! I don't care.

I know, I know. You're expecting a huge conversation starter post, snice this post is being made on a big complex topic. Opinions can't really be summed up fully in 5 words, there is always going to be left out points.

In this post I'll express my entire opinion within this topic, as a Trans Masc/ Masc Nonbinary that loves other Trans Masc/ Masc Nonbinary and everything in-between.

Please note: With me being Autistic, there is nothing to read between the lines. The only thing that is there, are the words that I typed. I did not leave anything out on purpose, either I'm not aware of that side of the conversation or I feel that it is excluded from the topic enough, to not feel the need to bring it up.

___________________The rest is under the cut______________________

Frist a little background on myself, I've been on the internet for so long I remember YouTube's app icon being a TV. Along with that, I started to Social Transition during my 7th grade year. Besides the 2 years where I went back into the closet, I've been going by He/They pronouns for a while. I am also on the ACE spectrum and Polyamorous.

None of these things make my opinion less or more valid nor anyone else's opinion within our community, regardless of if they agree or disagree with my opinion that is based on my experiences. We need to stop treating conversations that can have many answers like math problems with only one correct answer. Especially ones that refer to a human being's experiences of life.

When it comes to Men loving men/ Masc Nonbinary loving Masc Nonbinary blogs, the main consumers of that content will be of that identity. Hence, that blog will be cratering to MLM/ MNBLMNB. An example of this, say you go to a coffee house. On their menu, they have different types of coffee and baked goods. Would it make sense to ask for a Big Mac at the Coffee house, then get mad when they tell you it's not on the menu?

It becomes a problem for women to be interacting with blogs and content directed towards male/ masculine consumers, when they start asking for changes in the content to include them. It's important for women to understand that these MLM/MNBLMNB Blogs aren't for them. We writers enjoy the interaction and support from our women/ fem presenting folks, but please don't request for a Female Reader on our blogs.

Now, before you write your comment or reblog post about, "This argument is wrong because, [Insert fandom or video games] isn't for the gays or women. So, you don't like --". That's not what I said, my point is stating, " That if a blog or store specificity says that they are catering to a specific group of people, don't be offended when you can't relate to that content or see don't what you like. When, you, yourself are not of that group".

Video games, and most fandoms don't have a specific group of people that only can have their content, most of the time being way more diverse in their earlier years before getting watered down by budget and script cuts. The best example of this, is DC comics, Night Wing, a.k.a Dick Grayson, has always been Romani. It was a huge part of his character developmental to be Romani. However, over time was changed to have lighter and lighter skin, until he was just said to be white instead.

Inconclusion, when consuming content be aware of the demographic that the content is directed towards and understand it may not relate to your own human experience or situation. It's healthy to read things outside of your own personal experience, but it's not okay to try and change it, so it fixes your own experience better. When it causes the original consumers to be excluded. ______________________________________________________________

Feel free to add to this conversation and bring your own point of views into it. I ask that you keep the conversation civil, not because it will hurt my feelings ( it won't) but because it will take away from the main point of Topic.

[sleepy-crypt1d]

tagged by @the-cpu-system :3

Last song: KennyHoopla - how will i rest in peace if i'm buried by a highway?// (EVERYONE LISTEN TO IT !! IT'S SO GOOD)

Currently watching: Dungeon Meshi + Inside Job - am watching both with my best friend :3

Currently consuming: fruit punch rockstar :thumbs up:

Three ships: - the ones that have consumed my thoughts lately are all borderlands lol

My sona/oc Sl33py x Handsome Jack (hehe insane gay men)

Nisha x Wilhelm (OBSESSED with these two lately)

Angel x Gaige (loser teenagers /affectionate)

Favorite color: neon green!! like acid level hard to look at poison neon green

First ship: i THINK it was masky x hoodie?? creepypasta was my first fandom so i'm pretty sure that was it?? deep down they are still in there

Relationship status: just finished writing an 120k word fic between me and handsome jack from hit game borderlands 2 so yeah pretty much happily engaged

Last movie: Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2002) - my best friend had never seen it and i grew up watching it so we watched it together!! everyone also go watch that movie it's amazing

Currently working on: editing The Elpis Job to be posted, also a small oneshot between Sl33py and Jack that i am actively putting off to do this lol and i have TONS of other BL stuff planned + a possible resurgence of my interest in watch dogs

Tagging: @gh0ulsh4rk - said best friend i keep mentioning <33

[vespertin-y]

hi me do shuichi

wow me you are so smart. sexy also.

Sexuality Headcanon: shuichi ALSO shows canon attraction to men and women, and thankfully there’s not nearly as much monosexual shuichi in the fandom as there is monosexual kaede! i can consume disaster bi shuichi content to my heart’s content :D unfortunately he does seem to be struggling with some internalized homophobia in canon, since he says he “shouldn’t be feeling like that about another guy” in regards to his crush on kaito, but the v3 class is so loudly and aggressively queer i honestly think he’d get over it pretty fast. shuichi is a crowd-pleaser and sooo desperate for other people’s approval, so being submerged in a community with so many gay folk would rid him of his homophobia (internalized or otherwise) pretty fast i think.

Gender Headcanon: trans guy! i don’t think he really struggles with body dysphoria tho,,,his dysphoria is more social if that makes sense? shuichi doesn’t look in the mirror and hate his body. it’s just his body; he doesn’t feel any particular way about it. he does things like wearing big sweatshirts when he has to go in public not because he wants to look a certain way, but because he’s terrified someone will see his figure and then perceive him as anything but a man. shuichi doesn’t want to change his face or his voice or his body-he just wants the people around him to see him as he truly is, yknow?

A ship I have with said character: saioumatsu. a big surprise i know but we’ll get through it together. hphasjdfh i’m not really sure how much i have left to say about it at this point,,,i’ve been thinking a lot about them reconciling postgame lately? about shuichi getting to support kaede through recovery the way she supported him through the game, kaede gently bullying kokichi into making friends with the cast, shuichi and kokichi finally getting to apologize to each other....

A BROTP I have with said character: oh jeez i can’t pick just one,,,shuichi has fun platonic relationships with basically the whole cast!! the training trio are very cute even if i do dislike maki’s writing, i like thinking of him and himiko as like siblings, i love that he seems genuinely interested in hearing kiyo’s stories, him and angie fascinate me (although they wouldn’t be a very healthy relationship), and obviously i love him with kokichi and kaede platonically or i wouldn’t ship them romantically lol

A NOTP I have with said character: uhhh him and tsumugi i guess?? havin the same problem as the gonta post here there’s not really any popular shuichi ship i dislike,,,

A random headcanon: cannot STAND coffee. not even when it’s watered down with a ton of cream and sugar. he’s a tea guy through and through. he does however pull unhealthy all-nighters with the aid of caffeine, so sometimes you can find him at 4 AM, standing alone in his uncle’s kitchen, chugging coffee as fast as possible, silently weeping at the taste.

General Opinion over said character: sir i adore you!!! now please go to therapy. my love for shuichi is a little different than my love for kokichi and kaede (hint: it’s because i’m a shuichi kinnie who wants to kiss them) but he is a beloved character to me nonetheless. shu is such a good protagonist with such an interesting personality and such realistic flaws,,,i do wish you guys would stop making him solve murders though. he just wants to play gatchapon and find missing kittens :(

[kukuandkookie]

Sometimes I forget people aren’t used to consuming Chinese media like I am so they expect any bl to be explicit.

Like today someone referred to Childe and Zhongli as potential “queerbaiting” to me and I had to pause for a moment and consider this. I always take things in stride when it comes to what is called “queerbaiting” in Chinese media because we don’t know how strict censors are (sometimes bl seems mostly okay, sometimes it seems a little less okay, sometimes it seems okay as long as it’s not “anti-gov”... Oh, and the topic of censorship is a whole ‘nother complex discussion due to it happening because China rebuilt itself with all-new policies and was also westernized after suffering under colonization...).

Like I can’t objectively tell you if some of these series with bl are queerbaiting because it arguably challenges censors and in many ways, is entirely meant to be taken as canon—so is it really queerbaiting then?

Take Childe and Zhongli and their fenghuang chopsticks. That seems entirely intentional. A Chinese game using a traditional Chinese theme for an object exchanged between two men that represents unity, harmony, and marriage? That’s pretty much intentionally gay if you ask me, but maybe that is just me. 😆

But we all remember The Untamed and how Wangxian exchanged loving glances, touched each other constantly, basically got married (through symbolism of the forehead ribbon and the exchanging of chickens), calling each other a term that could mean either “life-long confidant” or “soulmate” and so on.

We never got a canonical scene where they kissed or said “I love you,” but we can see the intent there. We know what they’re saying. The same applies for the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua. The manhua is more obvious about it, but they still cut a kiss scene... But since it appears it was still drawn, we can take that as it having still happened. And Mo Dao Zu Shi Q takes this further than the regular donghua too because the censors are more lax on them.

And yes. They are based on a bl novel, so it’s a little different from Genshin Impact, but if you consume as much Chinese media as me, you can usually tell when a team/author is intentionally using symbolism to suggest a canon couple, often with a traditional Chinese theme. Like why use the fenghuang theme? They really didn’t have to do that, but they did it. 👀

The animated movie Jiang Ziya used language that suggested Shen Gongbao and Jiang Ziya could be a couple, but it was never explicit. But hell, they basically adopt a daughter! I interpreted them as a couple but didn’t see it as fully intentional or canon until talking to a good friend of mine whose Chinese is better than mine. There were more hints and reasons to believe they cared about each other in that way, so we concluded it was way more obvious than we would’ve thought at first glance. And that’s kind of how China does it when the main focus of a story isn’t bl but there’s a potentially bl couple.

And even when there are censors, there have been a variety of ways Chinese media has skirted censors in the past. Like in Beryl and Sapphire, we get the “survivor’s cut” where things are censored and the “director’s cut” where things aren’t censored (so characters can hug, kiss, confess, cuddle, and so on). And Beryl and Sapphire, while originally designed by the author as two males, are designed so they can be in any story (bl or not) and were originally drawn in the comic as stick figures so you could imagine their gender as whatever you want (so they could even be girls’ love if you so desire!).

Or how in Spirit Pact the male leads kiss to give each other power or exchange vows but the manhua’s creator said it’s “not necessarily because they’re in love.” There was debate this is queerbaiting, but could the creator just be avoiding trouble with censors? The very fact the male leads kiss so much and care so much about one another suggests intent.

Now contrast that to Hualian from the Tian Guan Ci Fu donghua, where things are so obvious and it’s even gayer than the novel in some areas. People keep questioning how they got it past censors, and that makes me rethink how I view Chinese censors. However strict they truly are, Chinese media is very purposeful in how they depict bl couples.

So I don’t really think about whether something is queerbaiting or explicitly canon in Chinese media. I basically see something that can be read as bl through symbolism/language/metaphor and I see that as intentional. The creators are letting you choose how you want to read it, and you may never get the kiss you want, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t “canon.” There’s often intent behind it, and because of varying levels of censorship, I take the idea of “queerbaiting” in Chinese media with a grain of salt.

For example, Kaeya and Diluc use a term in Chinese very similar to sworn brothers, which can be romantic in Chinese. With modern day China, creators often use “sworn brotherhood” as a way to depict romance and skirt censors. And yes, I know the English translation labels them as two adopted brothers, which is also okay! But as I’ve confirmed with multiple native Chinese speakers, the original Chinese language used is not exactly family-oriented, and that can be viewed as intentional (that’s why you see some Chinese fans ship Diluc and Kaeya while the western fandom views it as incest). Language is complex! There’s no clean, clear-cut answer.

Bl is popular in China, but it’s not always the main focus of every series (you know, sometimes bl is the side couple). We could say You Shou Yan features an intentional bl couple with Sibuxiang x Tony/Tuye or Fei Ren Zai and All Saints Street feature the intent of potential bl with Yangjian x Guanyin and Nick x Lynn respectively; or Are You OK is bl even if the story doesn’t focus entirely on that but it does feature more than one bl couple; or Wo Jia Dashixiong Naozi You Keng is bl because it features guys crushing on other guys and sharing moments, even though the manhua isn’t about that bl romance explicitly; or see Nezha as having bl potential because of how it interprets the Nezha and Ao Bing relationship (to the point of even changing the depiction of the relationship between Ao Bing and Nezha from the 1979 animated movie to be more domestic rather than as enemies); or even say mihoyo’s other game, Honkai Impact, arguably intentionally features some girls’ love too.

https://youtu.be/vw-nx26xUQI

Maybe it’s just because I identify as ace and I don’t mind if there’s no signs of sex scenes and I’ve even grown accustomed to not seeing kisses. I love seeing other signs of love—like protecting your partner, being their sugar daddy, hanging out with them a lot, and all that jazz. If there’s a kiss, great! If not, that’s fine too because there are other things to suggest they’re canon.

So is Zhongli and Childe queerbaiting? I don’t personally think so. Those fenghuang chopsticks suggest marriage or at least harmony in unity, and marriage or “being together” can be seen as quite canon. Will they say it out loud? I guess not, but we have to acknowledge the context that it’s still from China and there are censors for them to deal with.

But if you don’t want Childe and Zhongli to be canon, that’s totally okay too! I mean...it is also a game, and games even more than media can be interpreted differently since every user’s experience differs.

Love is love—and that includes whether there’s a kiss or not, when the author/team intends it and lets you interpret it any which way, you can interpret their symbols as signs of how canon your two favourite characters are!

Oh, and as a finishing thought, here’s a list of donghua recommendations for anyone who wants to check some of these out! I include a lot of good donghua with pictures, descriptions, and links to where to watch. 🥰

[glassesandkim]

I would like to say my piece here about schmico, grey’s anatomy, and the fandom and it’s really for my own self-indulgence and benefit. I’m not asking for you to agree with me or even begin to understand what I’m going on about. I don’t even think half the things that I think about for this fandom exists on an important level. I fully believe in just ~vibin’~ to your own tune when it comes to participating in fandom spaces.

so this post is gonna be my way of getting stuff off my chest so i can continue to ~vibe~

First thing I’d like to address is: I know. I know the Nico Kim that I love and adore is not the Nico Kim in canon. He is who I hope he is in canon. But there’s not much to combat or support that he is or isn’t. He really could be who we’ve made up in fanon for him and at the same time, he really couldn’t. Grey’s created this character that is as blank as a dried piece of toast. So forgive me if I spread a bit of spicy jam here and there so I can swallow this bland shit down a little easier. 

So when people come to me to say, “Y’all are delulu and out of your mind to love this guy this much.” PLEASE, I know. This isn’t news, honey. I am well aware.

But I will continue to justify, romanticize, and put this boy on a pedestal for as long as his existence in canon continues to remain arbitrary and vague. And it makes me very biased to a fault but I have put too much time and energy into this character NOT to be. 

And then you might ask, why have I put so much of my time and life (THREE YEARS!!!! I’VE BEEN IN THIS FANDOM FOR THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!) into this character that has all but said maybe like a PAGE of dialogue at most? 

Because I was conned into it. Because they marketed the shit out of him when Alex Landi got the part. And I, as a casual viewer of Grey’s since I was in high school (I’m in my late 20s now, dawg) and of Asian descent was promised representation. Not just Asian rep, but queer rep. 

So naturally, I got extremely attached. It's not everyday a major Western mainstream prime time medical drama chooses to create a character as unique as Nico's. 

I spent so much time here. I was here when fandom decided Nico would call Levi “babe”. I was here when we all clowned that Nico didn’t know Levi’s first name. I was here when Josh died and the fandom went up in arms with pitchforks and stakes against Nico. I was here for all of it. I've seen it all. 

And unfortunately, seeing it all, makes me tired. Grey’s is time and time again proving to me that they don’t give a shit about the development and well-being of their existing characters at all. The show only cares about collecting diversity points and performing their wokeness to the general masses. (I talk a lot about how grey's is plot-driven vs. character-driven.) 

I will still get frustrated and annoyed at Nico’s lack of character development. But I mostly just laugh at the fandom nowadays. I know you guys want to fight the fight, tell everyone Nico is not toxic!!!!!! But bros, friends, lovers, it’s a tried and tired fight. 

Grey’s wants us to think Nico is a Bad Boyfriend. It’s as clear as the stench one comes across when they step on dog shit. That’s why I think it’s useless to fight people about Nico. Grey’s gets amnesia all the time. Grey’s forgot the whole season and half they invested in creating a loving boyfriend for Levi and up and changed Nico’s personality to fit a new narrative (that they, quite frankly, failed to even follow through because of covid and other filming hoopla hula hoops they’ve had to jump through that I’ve been informed of and which I simply don’t care for). 

So all this ~schmico is endgame!!! we deserve it!!!~ Binches, I have better things to fight for than schmico endgame. What’s the alternative? Levi lives in Jo’s closet forever? They’re going to be together in the end no matter what. Nobody on that show cares enough about Nico OR Levi to set up new relationships and stories for them. So don’t fret, my friends. They’ll be together in the end. It just comes down to the question of what stupid story they’re going to come up with for them to be together. (And might I argue that they already are together???) 

Speaking of the bogus story they’re going to write for schmico: you bet my rice eating, Chinese-speaking ass, that it’s not going to be a story written from a queer and poc perspective. It’s going to be some gag-worthy straight het story but made gay. (How many times do I have to hear, "I hope Nico comes out to his parents!!" NO, HE DOESN'T! Do you know how VIOLENT coming out is sometimes?? It's not a solution to Nico's problems with Levi. It's an introduction and invitation to problems over being queer -- but why would I expect anyone, let alone Grey's, to understand that prepetuating these types of stories is inherently damaging to queer people? They wouldn't know. The cishet fandom wouldn't know. Because no one is writing grey's in a queer, poc centric way.)

Which drives me to the next point: you know why Nico doesn’t get character development even though he showed up at the same time as Link? Because of ✨racism ✨. Because Link is a more conventional character (read: white) that is easier to write because nobody on this show knows how to write an Asian character anymore, let alone a gay Asian character. So of course, nobody wants to touch that shit even with a pogo stick. (Argue with me that Cristina exists and I will tell you, yes she did, but they RARELY touched upon her cultural and ethnic background. Also it was the early 2000s. Cristina was as ground breaking as it got for us Asians back then.)

And then because Nico isn’t developed enough, we have the weird phenomenon of people shipping everyone and their dog with Levi and it’s like, y’all know you got played by the racism game, right? You are hostages to this system that has taught you that white men are more desirable and deserving of story and humanity than a poc character who is instead, reduced to nothing but sex appeal and if he’s not doing well on that front, then he’s useless.

How many times does Levi say: Nico is so hot! Sex with Nico is so good! He’s a roman statue!

All!! the!! time!! Nico's worth to Levi’s character is to be the sex object that Sets Him Free. 

Which plays into the sexualization of Asian people which all comes from, you guessed it! Racism! (Levi really compared Nico to a fucking lifeless slab of stone.)

(Side note: I do think talking about how racism plays into Nico’s character and the fandom space is important and probably a separate post. I’m happy to write my opinion piece on it if it’s something people want.) 

But anyway, those are just some of my qualms with schmico, grey’s anatomy, and the fandom. I do not expect anyone to fully agree with me and I’m not asking the fandom to change or apologize or whatever. I’m just already grateful if you took the time to even read this post. 

I’ll leave with some parting advice: fandom is what you make of it. We won’t all agree with everyone’s hot takes, but that’s the beauty of it, yeah? So I chose to create this version of Nico Kim that brings me IMMENSE joy. Like, A LOT!!! I love this fandom for these reasons. I’m grateful everyday for the friends I’ve made and the works and creations I’ve created and I’m honoured to be able to consume other works made by fellow fans. 

I might hate a lot of things about grey’s and schmico, but I really owe a lot of myself to this fandom. 

[golden-pickaxe]

Here is a quick summary regarding prompts and requests!

Click Read More

Hello!

You want to send me a prompt or request? Great!

I have to give a disclaimer here though: I am super busy, am a scientist and have 3000 hobbies, so there might be a chance that I never write the story you’ve requested because I am trash. Odin sadly only sometimes shares the mead of poetry with me, and sometimes I just throw out one story, or rather half a story, and then that is it with the inspiration.

In any case, even if you want to risk me being trash and not being inspired, here are some important infos about what I write/don’t write, so we are all on the same page here:

I write male and female reader inserts, for m/f, m/m and f/f pairings! You can also specifically request (if you want) if you want the reader insert character to be straight/gay or bi (I am a bi woman, so I don’t try to claim that my male inserts are accurate. if you dont want a male reader insert written by a woman, there are many men who also write reader inserts for male characters out there :D) Smut is no problem! But (and this is important) I will not write smut involving trans characters or readers as I am cis, and don’t want to make a trans reader uncomfortable or dysphoric, if I get something wrong. There are many amazing trans-writers out there, and you should support them if you want authentic fiction with trans characters. I think it would be appropriative for me to write something like that!

I wont write anything about pregnancy, getting pregnant, having children, wanting children, etc. This topic makes me insanely uncomfortable, so please don’t request anything like that

I won’t write jealousy, a jealous romantic interest, unhealthy possessive-nes, a character ‘forbidding’ the reader to talk to other men/women etc as this also makes me very uncomfortable. I just live in a perfect world where no jealousy exists and I don’t have to be confronted with it

I will write violence, fighting, angst, fluff, gay angst, smut, romance, friendship, etc. I won’t write sexual violence, abuse, major character death (aka the main characters or love interests) or morally bad relationships

Fandoms I have written fanfiction about, and/or would also write reader inserts about:

Harry Potter, Divergent (Eric Coulter), Vikings, Assassins Creed 1, Peaky Blinders, Witcher (Games), Star Trek (TOS, TNG, DS9, VOY), Dragon Age, Elder Scrolls, Wolf 359, Cursed (Netflix)

Also, if you are interested, here is my AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cold_Death_Of_The_Universe

And at the end, another disclaimer: my mother language is not English, I live in Europe, and am dyslexic, so there is the possibility of spelling mistakes, weird grammar, and British English phrases, as I spent a lot of time in the UK, and most English media I consume is also British.

[dgcatanisiri]

So... something kinda hit me abruptly and pushed me to feeling about ready to snap, so... Have a word vomit. Kinda feels like a greatest hits compilation of  my “another angry queer rant” tag, but I need to get it out, so...

I know I’ve been over plenty about how I don’t feel represented even when I have something with gay representation. How I’d give dozens of Dorians and Iron Bulls to get even one run of Inquisition that properly has my male Inquisitor romance Cullen. How when I look at Mass Effect - this franchise that I love - I can only see how much it hates me for being a gay man who dares to seek content for me. How godawful it is that Gil’s story, a story that is explicitly a story centered on a gay man and the difficulties he faces BECAUSE of being gay, was written by a straight person who ABSOLUTELY does not GET. IT. And how fandom as an entity sucks, because so often it feels like the attitude of the people in it comes across as telling me that my desire to be represented in my media somehow comes in second to celebrating the advances solely for women, that my needs as a queer MAN (the emphasis usually theirs) are less important, because I can still see myself AS A MAN in other characters throughout media.

But... That doesn’t change the fact that this is a very real, very tangible THING for me to grapple with. And sometimes it feels like no one ever, EVER talks about this.

I mean, my go-to example is that after Inquisition dropped, you could not say A WORD in criticism of Dorian without people jumping down your throat, chomping at the bit to call you a homophobe for it. No matter what reason - but ESPECIALLY if you thought he was “too stereotypical” - you got hit with that label. Even if you were gay yourself, it was just your “internalized homophobia” that made you dislike him, or even being biased against the people who genuinely do lean in to the stereotypes, don’t they deserve representation too?!

Well, yeah. It’s not like I was saying they don’t. But that it’s a stereotype means it’s often still in media, still often THERE. It’s not always good representation, but it’s something. Meanwhile for those of us who AREN’T? It just meant further exclusion from the narratives. A continuation of our invisibility.

And sure, one queer character cannot represent every queer person, one individual who embodies one letter of the alphabet soup cannot be everything to everyone under that individual label. But, again, it still means that I don’t get to see myself.

If media representation is a life preserver, then I’m getting pulled out to sea while the lifeguards are busy with people who are closer to them than I am. Which, you can call it triage, cast the widest net to hope to get the most people, but when you’re one of those who are not even able to grab on to the net and use it to pull yourself closer, it’s not helping. And, because they’re focused on those who have grabbed on to the net, your struggle continues to be ignored.

Worse, sometimes they aren’t factoring you in the net they’re throwing (yes, I’m aware my metaphor is getting increasingly strained, just work with me here) because they think you’re not in the trouble they think others are - if you can “pass” as cishet, if you can exist without actively fearing for your safety, if you are the kind of person who can walk down the street and not expect to be harassed because you “present” gay, then you’re not as in need as those people who can’t, who are going to be threatened for existing while visibly queer.

But the truth is that you’re still suffering. I’m not gonna get in to the whole oppression Olympics nature of it all, but there is an element that those of us who “pass” as being “straight-acting” (and, for the record, I think these terms are bogus and bullshit, but I’m using them for the sake of simplicity in getting my message across, because I’m stream of consciousnessing this post instead of going to bed so you’re getting babble and word vomit so that this isn’t playing on a loop as I try and sleep) suffer that... I’m not going to say that it makes it worse, but it does have this level of SOMETHING that is a unique pain that you aren’t going to find from the people who are visibly and noticeably queer at a glance - it’s not just isolation, because this is something that you end up not talking about because no one around you realizes that you are queer, but also this voice in the back of your mind that starts questioning “are you REALLY queer? Are you queer ENOUGH?”

And that’s why it hurts that little bit more, is that much more a twist of the knife, when I see these people who push the “joke” of like “why did they even HAVE male Shepard?” or “the only way to play is as Kassandra.” Because it does reinforce this idea - that there is this attitude of this thing, this character that I was seeing as representation doesn’t matter. So that I take strength in that character, well, that’s just me latching on to REPRESENTATION AS A MAN, and we’re not here to protect your fragile masculine ego.

When all I’m looking for is a queer man like I am.

And sometimes, I don’t even feel like the other queer men I can look to get it. Like, there was that time about a year ago that I looked up issues of queer men in video games, and the three videos I found all got an “...and NOPE!” reaction from me - the first argued in math about how “queer people are a small portion of the population, we can’t realistically expect to be represented equally,” even though we’re talking about FICTION, which is, by definition, NOT reality, the second was clearly a cishet who compared not being represented as a queer person to not being represented as a Swedish person, and then a third who first had a thumbnail on a video of “good and bad representation” and Kaidan was the example of bad (so a negative mark against this video to begin with, but I was desperate), only to lead with Dorian as a good example, which... *vague motion above and at the “dorian critical” tag* I staunchly disagree with this stance.

Like... I have to struggle to think of who my role models in being a queer man are. It’s not just who fits my story, but who do I look up to, who inspires me. And, admittedly, the luster for any personal hero seems to inevitable wear off at this point, I’m in my early thirties, and most of the media I consume will have characters who are my age or younger PERIOD, so my queer heroes would have to be people I’d consider either peers or even someone who I am older than...

But then, that’s kinda the thing about being queer period - we lost a generation to AIDS, and for those who followed that generation, we’ve had to live in this world where our heroes don’t exist like us, while trying to pave the way for those who come after us, and who can’t conceive of what it is like to age - as in “go from adulthood to middle age to elder,” not just the matter of growing up from childhood to adulthood - and so even as they’re the one who we want to give all of this to... It still means we suffer because no one is there to offer US that hand.

And yet, try to explain this to media creators, and you get ignored or even shut down. Like, I about a year ago, I directly replied to tweet from Patrick Weekes, explaining how Inquisition failed me, how all bi LIs actually HELP me feel more represented as a queer person than the mix of sexualities that BioWare on the whole has said that they intend to do (re: the difference of LIs in DA2 and Dragon Age Inquisition). It got no response, not even a like to indicate that it’d been read by them. I could form in my head the response I’d have inevitably gotten from David Gaider when he still had an active Tumblr of what would amount to, nicest, “we cannot please everyone, enough people were moved by Dorian’s story to make it worthwhile, sorry.” Given some of my cynicism, I can’t help but believe that it would also have come with a “sorry you feel that way.” Particularly considering some of the comments he’s made about Cullen and Kaidan as LIs, both of whom being characters I connect to more than others in their respective games...

And like... Gaider is a gay man. Weekes is nonbinary. But they are from that generation who view being able to exist openly as queer as a revolutionary statement, which... It’s a statement I want to make, sure, but it’s not a revolutionary one to me - “existence” is the bare minimum. To me, focusing on existence as a queer person is to say that the queer character must justify existing as queer in order to be a part of the narrative. But what is revolutionary to me is to give the queer person a story in the narrative that has NOTHING to do with their queerness.

Like... Fantasy world here, Inquisition drops with Cullen and Cassandra as same-sex exclusive LIs, while every other aspect of their stories are the same. Women can’t romance Cullen, Men can’t romance Cassandra. Other than that, we have Cullen with his addiction/redemption arc and Cassandra not just struggling with her faith but even getting the chance to be Divine. Yes, fandom would FLIP. THE FUCK. OUT. But here’s what it says - the things that these characters go through in the course of the game are not defined by their sexuality. Hell, with these characters specifically, you get characters with MASSIVE relevance to queer stories that AREN’T exclusive to being queer - addiction is a real issue in queer communities, given how many of our safe spaces are bars or clubs, places where alcohol (and thus alcohol abuse) is easily obtained, and, by extension, drugs as well. Meanwhile, there are SCORES of queer people who struggle with the question of faith in the wake of their queerness manifesting.

THAT is revolutionary. To take these stories that straight people get all the time, that certainly have meaning as queer stories for the queer audience... And yet, when they go to these (hypothetically) queer characters, it has that subtext without making the story ABOUT their queerness, while still making it clear that, in this version of things, they are queer - players couldn’t pretend that it’s only in some parallel universe that they are queer, they would only be attracted to the same sex PC. THAT is revolutionary.

Or, y’know, take it back beyond BioWare for a little bit here - all the characters I feel the most connection to emotionally in TV shows are straight. All these men who are my role models only ever get shown being involved with women. At most, they’ll get queerbaited as MAYBE being queer, if you just keep watching! Inevitably, of course, they are not queer by the end of the show - the closest to date is the debacle that is Supernatural.

Yeah, there’s representation for ya.

And then there are those who end up looking at what I see as thoroughly inadequate and... They’re happy. They praise it. They look at this thing that hurts me, that excludes me, that can, when I’m in the bad headspaces, even make me question myself... And they have found something they like with it.

Which, for the record, good for them, genuinely and sincerely, I really am glad that someone is getting something out of this, but... Well, see above: life preserver, isolation, “sorry you feel that way.” Everyone else is getting what they needed, but what about me? When does my representation get to appear? Why am I always being left, scrounging for the scraps of the scraps? Why does other peoples’ representation always seem to get shoved to the front of the line, leaving me languishing in the back.

That’s the real thing about all of those lines of “if you don’t like it, go make your own!” At this point, even if I did manage to get something in my to-write folder cleaned up and ready to go, in reality... How am I supposed to feel like anyone other than me WOULD proceed to read it? That the audience would exist? Because... no one seems to care about this audience. Hell, how would I get anyone to publish it if it is only going to appeal to me?

I feel on the margins of the margins, where no one really cares. Hell, even here in my own blog, I feel afraid of backlash - I’ve had the assholes show up in response to like little brief comments that are off-the-cuff rambles, not worded in a way that makes them a full, detailed accounting, and either take them as evidence that I, personally, represent all that is wrong with fandom at large, or that I am a target for their trolling. Because saying that “I find the jokes about male Shepard not mattering to be diminishing of me as a queer person, can we please stop this?” is somehow not just lesbophobic, but VIOLENTLY lesbophobic. Or that saying that I don’t care that bad things happen to a fictional species is somehow advocating for violence against actual women. Or even explicitly calling out BioWare for lovingly lingering the camera on Miranda’s ass is slutshaming her. And of course, there are the assholes who responded to me saying on the BioWare Twitter announcement post for the Legendary Edition that, if it didn’t have a full trilogy male Shepard/Kaidan romance, I wasn’t buying it, and proceeded to a) call me entitled for it (like, read a dictionary, the very fact that I have to call for this content that doesn’t exist in the game proper is the OPPOSITE of entitlement...), b) tell me that I “shouldn’t deny [myself] a great story just because it doesn’t have gay people in it” and c) just generally be homophobic. Even in rolling with it on the basis of “the trolls are gonna show up period if you make it clear that you care about something, especially if you are trying to get representation for some group that is in the minority... It gets exhausting. It can be harmful. It makes it clear that you’re not welcome, even when you’re supposedly united by the fact that you and these people supposedly love the same piece of media.

I mean, among those examples, I’ve given the statements that inspired those responses no tags other than my own organizational tags, but SOMEHOW they find me anyway, so it wouldn’t surprise me if I got accused of like being another White Gay™ with this post, that I simply want to center the conversation wholly on myself at the expense of all other intersections of queerness and other identities or something for saying all of this, even though this is, and it says so from the start, a vent post, which, by definition, is centered on myself because it’s about me and my experiences and emotions. *sigh*

Anyway...

And, y’know, when BioWare actively refuses to even ACKNOWLEDGE that the absence of a full trilogy M/M romance option is a bad thing, it just ends up saying that the trolls are actually the audience they’re willing to court. That Supernatural ending with a brothers only focus that doesn’t even allow Cas to be mentioned other than offhandedly while suppressing ANY kind of emotional fallout to his admission of love says that they don’t care about the queer people who at the very least the actor was trying to be respectful and representative of. That every piece of media that says that to have a queer person in it, their presence must be explained and justified is saying that there needs to be a REASON for queerness, a reason that is not “because people are queer, and queer people come in as many stripes as cishet people, and so media should reflect that spectrum just as much.”

Even when the numbers of queer characters in media goes up, it doesn’t really move the needle. And that’s not even getting to the difficulties when you are any mix-and-match combo under the queer umbrella, or any other identity that intersects to marginalize someone in our society. It just...

Y’know, it doesn’t feel like “it gets better.” Rather it just feels like being stuck in position, just with a changing backdrop. Sure, things look different by the end of the day, but that doesn’t change that you’re not getting anywhere.

[satans-sugar-baby]

There are guys that play obey me too so inherently all of the bro’s are queer. Although I too find it icky that asmo flirts with his brothers they aren’t blood related. If the bro’s hadn’t fallen Simeon would be their brother too. So no, the devs didn’t make the only non-straight brother “greedy”. This game isn’t just for “women” it’s for everyone which is why MC is gender neutral

I assume this in response to my most recent post, so let me clarify: I know Obey Me! is for *everyone* and I am a huge fan of the game. I also did not realize the Obey Me! MC was written to be gender neutral until I joined the fandom.

But let’s put aside the fact that many players will perceive Asmodeus to be the only confirmed lgbtq+ character. Let’s talk about how Asmo is presented. He is THE stereotypical gay character - he likes fashion and makeup, he’s flamboyant, and he presents very feminine.

Another stereotype he encapsulates, a very harmful stereotype, is the stereotype that gay/bi/pan men are obsessed with sex and not looking for meaningful relationships. Think about how James Charles was treated back when he had allegedly hit on a straight guy (which was proven false, by the way). He was treated like a predator. *That* is the association with this stereotype, and the example is a microcosm of the discrimination and judgement that lgbtq+ folks face.

It is difficult to reclaim a stereotype that is still actively being used against the community, especially when it is not acknowledged in the game at all, and Asmo is arguably the least developed character in Obey Me by virtue of his lack of screen time. I am aware this is a game about *demons* and they are not meant to be morally upstanding characters, but I wish that Asmo’s faults stemmed from something other than his hypersexual nature as a character.

So yes, I take issue with the fact that the most visibly lgbtq+ man in the cast is also the Avatar of Lust. It’s a cute joke when Asmo drools over Beel’s abs, or forgets about Helene after their fling, but it is reinforcing the harmful stereotype of a hypersexual gay man. This is *not* a call to cancel Obey Me, but rather a reminder to be aware of the underlying messages (intentional or not) in the content we consume.

[junewild]

tags masterpost

a couple of people have complimented me on my new tag system and a couple of people have asked me what tags go to what sort of content, so i thought i’d write up a little masterpost of what the tags mean, where they came from, and why they’re important to me! you’ll even get a sneak peek at a few tags that are very rare or have yet to be used 👀. this will be linked in my carrd when i get around to it. i’ve even tried to alphabetize them 😅 thanks for expressing interest, it’s very lovely of you all xoxo

#and i am close behind — home tag

a continuation of “the wild geese are heading home again” which is my nature tag. just for everything that makes me feel like i am coming home. 

#and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart — quotes and words tag

from a poem by e.e. cummings. “and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart / i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)”. words are just hearts speaking to each other, after all. 

#and i was like *screams* — space tag

from the jenny slate drunk history nasa episode, because she somehow manages to sum up fully 80% of my feelings about the universe in that one sentence

#angstposting — disordered thoughts tag

literally just stream-of-consciousness breakdown-posting. probably block this tag. i go back and clean it out after every breakdown.

#but they are all good stories — media analysis/literature critique tag

hilary mantel (whose work i have never read) wrote that “some of these things are true and some of them lies. but they are all good stories.” anyway, that’s how i feel about taking apart stories and narratives and looking at them from the outside. 

#can you not hear the ocean in me — mental health and disorders tag

the non-breakdown version. from this poem, which i can’t find anyone but i think is a deleted inkskinned or caitlyn siehl one: 

“i am alive; 

can you not hear the ocean in me; 

are you not aware of the war i am fighting ; 

i am alive ; 

you cannot take that from me”

#checkmate nihilism — crafts tag

higgsboshark wrote a lovely post about how knitting is a great treatment for existential dread & now that’s all i think about every time i’m crafting. checkmate, nihilism. look at this thing that i am making with my hands. it exists and it will change someone’s life. 

#dumbposting — misc tag

for tag games and dumb comments and things that don’t fit in anywhere else. 

#fashion is instant language — fashion/body art tag

okay. IS this a cliche prada quote? yes. but also, one of my first classes in college was about art & society & the first thing that we learned was that the human body is the first & most primal canvas. what you do with your body is a statement, a language you are sharing with the people around you. i get very emotional about it. 

#felt rather than seen — poetry tag

YES i am a BASIC WHITE GIRL, thank you. the first half of the da vinci quote. “poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen / “

#fill your arms with the pink and white flowers — spring aesthetic tag

from one of mary oliver’s slightly less well known poems. 

“do you also hurry, half-dressed and barefoot, into the garden, and softly

exclaiming of their dearness,

fill your arms with 

the pink and white flowers,

with their honeyed heaviness, their lush trembling, their eagerness

to be wild and perfect for a moment, before they are nothing

forever”

#get in good trouble — activism/politics tag

are you really living if you aren’t making trouble for someone? write more letters. leave more voicemails. go to protests. join a mutual aid group. donate. there’s something you can do, even if it’s small. 

#i am building a world that is worth living for — moral living tag

slightly different from the activism tag bc this is more about what you/i can do in everyday life to make the world a better place. these are my own words, reminding me that to stay alive i have to build my own life and live in it. 

#i care to look on the outside like i do on the inside — gender/ sexuality tag

maggie stiefvater is a poet. 

#i have a magpie mind — happy tag

laurie graham’s version of the quote goes “i have a magpie mind, by which i mean i see and hear little things - photos, fragments of conversation - and store them away for future use,” and that’s what this tag is. just a lot of lovely things that i want to look back on. 

#i think i was a selkie in a past life — ocean/beach/selkie myth tag

someday i’m going to walk into the ocean and never come out again. j promised he would take me to a warm ocean where i can stand in chest-deep waves until i can’t stand any longer and i’ve never looked forward to anything so much in my life. 

#i wrote my own deliverance — creation/writing tag

this is not an admission of guilt. hamilton has a lot of words in it and these happen to be very nice. 

#it would be a merrier world —  food tag

because tolkien was right. 

#laughter for no cause — humor tag

funny things. half of a quote by louise glück. 

#let the wilderness engulf us again — discourse tag

i believe this is by christa wolf. anyway this is how i feel when i read Discourse. let’s all just get swallowed by the wilderness. who needs civilization anyway. 

#loveposting — affection tag

look, i’m just really gay and happy and i love my followers and my mutuals. let’s move on

#nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it — memory/emotion tag

yes, i have read everything ever written by l m montgomery, why do you ask? 

#offspring of heaven firstborn — light tag

constantly debating about whether i should change this one. i just have too many quotes about light. and too many posts about light. and too much love for light. this one is by milton, from the third book of paradise lost, and i memorized the entire chapter as a teenager because my “history” “class” believed in memorization as a form of education. 

#our bodies are meant to hold other bodies — sex/eros tag

from that little comic by grendelmenz (?). i KNOW it’s about cannibalism i DON’T care don’t @ me to love is to consume

#seen rather than felt — painting/visual art tag

and here’s the other half of the da vinci quote. 

#she stood in desperate music wound — music and playlists tag

from “a crazed girl” by yeats. tbh i usually lie upside down in my bed in desperate music wound but this poem kept me going as a teenager

#simply because the world is beautiful — misc tag

i just think the world is lovely and i am glad to be alive in it. this is where the rest of the assorted content goes. 

#someday you will be old enough to read fairytales again — fantasy/gaming/scifi tag

cs lewis got one thing right. 

#stardust will turn into kindness — joy tag

okay. okay i am still weeping about this man and his chickens. this tag is for every small creature who brings me delight. https://everychickdeservesamother.com/2019/08/17/all-the-good-there-is/

#thank god for the months after may — summer aesthetic tag

i haven’t listened to ben rector since i was seventeen but this is a good quote anyway and summer flowers are the thing that keep me going through the winter. 

#the first sign of civilization is a healed femur — civilization/altruism/kindness tag

paraphrase of the famous (possibly apocryphal) margaret meade quote. i saw a criticism of it by the green brothers, who were like “but lots of people/animals show altruism without any connection to civilization (eg buildings and cities and record keeping systems)” and i deeply disagree with them. civilization doesn’t require monuments, only people coming together to build (metaphorically) something bigger than they could have done as individuals. humans aren’t the only ones on that path, just the ones who’ve gotten the furthest down it. 

#the great sweeping wind — autumn aesthetic

yes i am a shameless l m montgomery stan. anne of green gables is my kindred spirit. 

#the quick and the dead — fungi tag

from the bible. you know. we all sin, we’re all alive or dead or both. fungi don’t care.

#the race that knows joseph — kindred spirit tag

haven’t gotten to use this one yet. looking forward to when i do. 

#the wild geese are heading home again — nature tag

shortened version of mary oliver’s poem. 

#there is a history in all men’s lives — history/natural history/anthropology tag

shakespeare knew how to use words. everything is history and i am excited about ALL of it. when will someone admit me into a grad school???

#we are the children of an indifferent universe — community/fandom tag

but, like colin meloy says, we are also the inheritors of a wonderful world. i think it’s amazing how we look at the universe around us and build communities and find meaning out of sheer spite. also i have got to refine this tag set better i can’t just shove ALL fandom content into one tag. stay tuned

#we don’t love this world without reason — awe/joy tag

from catadromously’s comic. this is for things that make me go “oh.” when i see them. 

#we shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us — architecture/interior design tag

churchill can have one right. architecture is one of my favorite art forms & interior design is something i love looking at and doing. someday i’ll even be able to afford it.

#we will be better than we were — recovery tag

from (yet another) caitlyn siehl poem that reads: 

“love is quiet love whispers “it is okay, we will be better than we were” and we are. we are.”

and we are. 

#within me; an invincible summer — winter aesthetic tag

albert camus wrote that: “in the midst of winter, i found there was, within me, an invincible summer. and that makes me happy. for it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.” winters are hard for me, but i hang on anyway. 

#you have no idea the joy that is coming — love tag

guess who this quote is by? if you guessed caitlyn siehl, you are correct. 

#you pull out the wild in me - feral aesthetic

not feral, just… wild. i don’t know. i don’t think i made this quote up but i can’t find it anywhere else so maybe i did. i’m guessing it’s now-deleted inkskinned or bonemeadows. 

#you’ve got to be kind — misc humans tag

kurt vonnegut. because yeah. we’ve got to be kind. that’s the only rule. we’re just humans and we have to be kind.

[vergilboyfriend]

You should do all of them questions and 90 is true

I love you!!!!

1. Favorite instrument?

I work at a music store u can’t just ask me this. When my coworkers play it’s the saxophone or the flute, when the boys in the repair shop are testing repairs and they harmonize with each other or try to outplay one another it’s the bassoon or the trombone or whatever they’re fixing at the moment. When I hear 🎺 give his lesson on Wednesday afternoons it’s the trumpet, and when I think about middle school it’s the clarinet, the flute, the French horn. When I hear the nutcracker pas des deux is the oboe and when I hear edith piaf l’accordeoniste it’s the remarkable human voice. Really my favorite instrument is all of them, it just depends.

2. Favorite fic trope? Mutual pining 🥺

3. Sport you played for the longest amount of time? LMAO I wasn’t a sporty kid but I did ballet

4. Shoe size? 10-11

5. Most recent (good) dream? Uhh I had a dream last night about my coworker 🎹 it wasn’t bad though I can’t really remember what it was about

6. Last person in your DMs? smugg

7. Can you do a handstand? Nooo nooo lmaoo nooooo

8. Unpopular food opinion I don’t like oranges or red meat

9. Conspiracy you believe in? There’s some kind of weird weather dome in my hometown around the military base that makes most storms pass around us

10. Is your hair its natural color/style? Most of it is I dyed the bottom layer of my hair tho so it’s blonde rn

11. state a useless fact all that’s coming to mind is outright lies rn hold on. The inventor of pringles is buried in a pringles can that’s so fucking nasty omg

12. most interesting gossip you’ve heard? Idk I don’t really care for gossip uhhhh have u heard tho rin dippindogs is a huge gay hah she uhh she like men AND women lmao gaaay gaaaay

13. Middle name? Carolyn

14. Sexuality? Bisexual

15. Amount of sleep you got last night? Idk actually I think like 9-10 hrs tho I slept in until 11

16. Opinion on ice cream cake? Tasty!!!

17. Opinion on (cup)cake frosting? It’s depends buttercream is usually too sweet for me in large amounts so I prefer whipped cream frosting

18. Last board game you played? Idk??? We played hunt a killer tho last Thursday me n my family I guess that counts kinda

19. Project you want to start? I need ideas first baby

20. Project you’re working on right now? HAHAHAHAHAHA

21. TV show you’re watching? nothing rn I just rewatch bojack a lot if I watch anything

22. Last movie you watched? Lego batman I think

23. Ever left anon hate? Not legit hate

24. Ever left anon love? Yes all the time. Sometimes to strangers it’s my favorite thing to do

25. Best Disney movie? The princess and the frog

26. Best Pixar movie? Soul or Up I can’t decide

27. Best Star Wars? Um. Empire strikes back

28. Last thing you consumed? Fuit gumy

29. NoTP? Idk I don’t really hate ships unless they’re gross like pedophilic gross

30. story behind your (nick)name? When I was a fetus my great grandfather had a dream that my name should be Carolyn Marie but my parents were huge dweebs so they named me Marina after the actress of Deanna Troi in Star Trek. Idk about my nickname ive just always been Rina/Rin as long as I can remember

31. ice cream order? Lately it’s lemon sorbetto I know it’s SO high in sugar but I love it

32. describe your blog in <5 words I love you

33. how many blogs do you follow? 436

34. Describe your voice it depends usually I sound like a sick child but my customer service voice is really pleasant

35. Describe your smile it’s cute :)

36. What is the place you live known for? LMAOOO LMAO we have a military base nearby and like. I could go on abt that one but also like. There’s a lot of gang violence and a lot of the other consequences of poverty. People from the cities around us see us as “””ghetto””” or violent but it’s just. It’s more than that it’s always more than that. And idk what else there’s nothing really particularly special about this town except that we’re all here and not anywhere else

37. What is the place you’re originally from known for? (if they’re different)

38. pronouns? she/any idc

39. Languages you speak? English

40. first friend you made through tumblr? Idk. I probably don’t talk to them anymore :(

41. Person on tumblr you know in real life? my brother

42. First dog breed you think of shih tzu I have 2 next to me rn

43. room wall color? Purble!!!! The paint color is called grape juice that’s why I picked it!!!

44. Song that’s stuck in your head right now? It’s tricky to rock a rhyme to rock a rhyme that’s right on time it’s trickyyyyy

45. Favorite number? 5, 34

46. Color you associate with your name? Red

47. Favorite jolly rancher flavor?watermelon

48. Pets? 2 dogs rocket and groot and 4 cats loki danni who r from the same litter and we raised from kittens, miss kitty who we adopted from a shelter after my boy blue moon passed away and ben (his real name is Kylo Ren thanks to my mom but I refuse to call him that) he is my little baby and he has 7 toes on his front paws

49. Collections? Hot wheels

50. Character outside of your fandom you’d marry? Girl what lmaooo idk

51. Character outside of your fandom you’d kill? That’s mean :(

52. Have you met any celebrities? NO thank god id have to kill on sight

53. Favorite time period in history? Itslian Renaissance & Romantic Era

54. What time is it right now? 2:35 am oops

55. History or future? Future but like . A good one. Or prehistory

56. Space or ocean? Space

57. Fears? Abandonment

58. Command + v and post. It’s this list of questions u don’t want that

59. Favorite season? Spring

60. Describe your aesthetic. Messy just a mess, neon and old buildings and things, antiques, countryside if there weren’t so many trump pence flags still lmaoo give uppp give up, nature just al of nature and space and places humans can’t touch and places they used to touch but can’t anymore

61. MBTI? Infp but I haven’t taken it in a few years

62. What’s your relationship with your family like? Normal.

63. “Biggest fan” in your tumblr activity? I’m in mobile hold on acc to tumblr it’s akky

64. Favorite musical? Sweeney todd

65. Comfort book? Idk how to read 💔💔💔 wuthering heights tho

66. Comfort movie? Whisper of the heart

67. OTP? Girl idk

68. BroTP? Joey and Tristan yugioh

69. AUs or canon compliant? Canon ig idk

70. Opinion on the person who’s sending the ask? It’s an anon!! But I love them

71. FMK + 3 characters anon didnt leave any characters and I was going to say something very bad but I won’t

72. Dream date? I’ve wanted to do this for a while but ideally it would be after we’d been together a while maybe even engaged or whatever, I wanna go to like a Home Depot or a furniture store and pretend to be married and looking for house paints and furniture and plan what our home is going to look like I wanna do that so bad. But idk for a first/early relationship date i really want to go to the zilker botanical garden it’s one of my favorite places, we could also go to the natural gardener which is a plant nursery in Austin I really love it there too and it’s not that far from zilker.

73. Relationship status? Single

74. Ever dyed your hair? Do you plan to? Yes and perhaps. Maybe

75. Dream job/career? Idk anymore I used to have big girl goals and I haven’t had any in a while. But when I was younger I wanted to be a game warden

76. Favorite band/singer? Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

77. Something that makes you soft/that you find adorable? My cats

78. The first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Buy a house

79. Are you superstitious? Yes

80. Character you project onto? Shizuku tsukishima

81. Fictional character you’ve had a crush on? Vergil devil may cry. Forever husband

82. Celebrity crush? LMAO

83. Person on here you’d date? my mutuals

84. Person on here you’d marry? 🥺 my mutuals

85. Person on here you’d throw into the void? Smugg

86. Other social media you have? I’ve got a photography insta that I barely use and a Twitter that’s just nintendo switch screenies that’s it

87. Finish the sentence: Due to personal reasons, ___________i will be passing away

88. Bad habit? I find it rlly hard to say no or like to say when and why I’m upset I don’t feel like for the latter I don’t feel like I should bring something that’s upsetting me up because I know I’ll get over it on my own and I don’t really trust myself to be upset about rational things. Idk I’m working on it

89. Three things you like about yourself? I’m hot, I’m kind, I’m resilient

90. Ily and you deserve the world I love you!!!!! YOU deserve it too!!!