#also i don't think its a one to one or anything. simply just using patterns as a power source.

[ultravioart]

I have been going through Overwatch lore again, especially the video content, and I noticed that Overwatch is probably using 'sacred geometry' as a basis for it's scifi-magics?

(Please note I am not spiritual/religious and do not follow this belief. These are simply observations of what Overwatch has used.)

Shambali/Iris: uses chakra locations + 'sacred geometry' patterns in the Iris design. This part isn't that strong but it's notable. We do know Aurora's sentience is tied to quantum mechanics in lore, and we can make a guess omnic energy (only omnics can use omnic energy, not much is elaborated) is perhaps a 'scifi-magic' version of quantum mechanics (like how Tracer uses scifi magic time powers, etc). 'Sacred geometry' places a large importance on light as a form of conciousness, and Aurora's ascension involved her becoming light and becoming a geometric pattern. As seen with Sigma, Zenyatta floats with no explanation, but under 'sacred geometry' systems it makes perfect sense as Zenyatta tapped into his abilities through sacred geometry practices (meditation, etc).

Sigma: He is a direct reference to 'the song of the spheres' (hearing the melody of the universe by being able to sense 'sacred geometry') + his weapon's shapes represent 'aether' aka 'universe' according to sacred geometry/alchemy. Sigma has a singularity directly within his 'source' chakra location (explaining his mental state), and his gravity powers can be explained through sacred geometry spiritual practices (floating, etc). Sigma states 'the melody is a harness' backwards in his origin short, and sacred geometry seems to place importance on patterns, frequencies, and connecting with the 'vibrations' of the universe.

LifeWeaver: in his hero origin short, the 'flower of life' symbol is shown in his biolight tree. This is an undeniable explicit reference to sacred geometry, and it would make sense that his biolight tech works because hardlight tech can exactly trace (atomic level) the 'sacred geometry' of the universe to power healing.

Moira: Honestly it's pretty funny, but apparently 'sacred geometry' also deals with genetics. Moira's character makes COMPLETE sense if sacred geometry is the sci-fi-magics system in Overwatch. Moira is wanting to 'evolve' humanity (a conspiracy followed by sacred geometry believers that humans are on the cusp of a spiritual evolution through frequencies/patterns in dna), and if Moira's work taps into sacred geometries, it explains why others were unable to replicate her experiments (as confirmed in declassified). If one meddles where they shouldn't and disrupts cycles, according to sacred geometry beliefs, they can become ill. Moira has been meddling, explaining why her arm is deteriorating. Reaper's powers are also explained, as how can Reaper's conciousness remain if his body and brain becomes a mist? If it's through genetics solely, sacred geometry would allow that. (I personally prefer the idea Reaper's conciousness has been recorded digitally and he lives within nanobots, which explains how Ramattra could have created failed recreations of conciousness in Wargod Ana, etc. It is canon that nullsector has created botched recreations of certain heroes like Ana, etc. But sacred geometry explains reaper within genetics alone.)

Ngl I never was a fan of overwatch having true magic/spirits because it ruined many aspects of the story ('Do omnics have souls' was a huge rhetorical question in Overwatch, but if Kitsune spirits exist then yeah no duh omnics do have souls lol.) Also confirming Shinto beliefs as the 'correct' religion is pretty awful to do in Overwatch since it's so focused on a global, diverse cast. I would much prefer no true magic/spirits which legitimizes all faiths as personal beliefs OR have a universal scifi-magics source which legitimizes all faiths as real and drawing from the same source. And with sacred geometry, it's vague enough to apply to pretty much any culture, as 'the flower of life' patterns has showed up in various cultural arts (... because its a combination of circles.)

Anyways, I will look through more lore to see if I can find more instances of 'sacred geometry' being referenced in Overwatch, but Sigma and LifeWeaver are the main supporting evidence pillars of this hypothesis! Then the Shambali/Iris stuff can be inferred. And Moira is a fun guess lol.

[meanbossart]

Ask Compilation: Blondes, feet, bowl-cut guardian lady.

He did not, they never had sex. But he was in love with her.

For sure. I think she struck him more like a teenager with the black hair and bangs, after the change (both visual and in attitude) she became a far more mature AND attractive person in his eyes.

PFFT, well, if you're saying they meet ALL of the criteria, I assume you mean both in looks and personality and hence be damn near his soulmate. DU drow could overlook weird feet (and a lot of other things, actually) if he were in love with the person in question. He would probably gently request they take better care of them, though.

Nothing special there, I'm afraid! He just has human-like skin - perhaps a little on the oily side but completely within the bounds of normality.

He runs a little hot, if that's anything. Oh! His hair is shockingly soft.

Correct! DU drow only (arguably) looks like a drow. He doesn't have their usual bone structure, height, or associated magical proclivities. He has some dark vision but its nowhere near as good as a drow's either.

I don't necessarily think all Bhaalspawn are the same way, but the Dark Urge IS quite different from the previous game's iterations. DU isn't simply Bhaal's child conceived with a partner, he's a piece of the god that supposedly slobbed off and grew legs and a face, pretty much. So yes, I do think that the Dark Urge at least is it's own unique thing.

The reason why he looks like a drow, is because he was placed in the Underdark upon creation. The metaphor I always use here is that if you place something infantile in a biome that is alien to it, it may try to adapt to it's environment to survive as it develops, to different degrees of success. This is why DU drow looks the way he does.

[MORE UNDER THE CUT]

You're welcome!

I've received a few snippets here that you can find through the #gift art tag! There is also the fic I'm in the process of writing called A Novel Experience on AO3.

It was just something I was compelled to do when I first drew him! The facial scars felt like they should lead into something else so I just made up a pattern on the spot, minus a tiny tweak here or there, it has stuck basically unchanged. All and any lore relating to the scars came later.

I get a lot of sweet messages but "thanks for your man's penis size" has to be one of my favorites. Thank you!

HELLO!

Thank you so much for the kind message! And that sounds like a fun dream, I love that your Tav got jealous of the attention ASTARION was receiving instead of mad that he had to share in the first place LOL

DU drow is desperately monogamous. He doesn't care what other people do with their lives but he's very much a "one and done" kind of person.

He would be willingly to participate in a threeway/have group sex with a partner, assuming the rules and regulations of said encounter were laid out clearly before or at least mutually understood between them. He would never want to see these people again after the fact though.

She does not, naturally I had no idea that this character was going to turn into anything when i made him, so I just... Made a lady. And since she was supposed to be a "guardian" I gave her a Joan of Arc type of look.

I've occasionally thought about changing this, but... Y'know, sometimes you don't need lore to be that in-depth, LOL.

The emperor gave everyone else a nondescript hottie he assumed they would trust, DU drow just got the same treatment. She's not even DU drow's type but definitely someone he would be compelled to take seriously yet not feel threatened by - so ultimately, her design does make sense.

---

That's all I have the energy for tonight folks, as always thank you for the many encouraging and sweet messages you send me, I'm sorry I can't reply to all of them! 😭

Have yourselves a great week!

[astraystayyh]

The only exception

barista Minho x reader. strangers to lovers. slow burn. if you can, listen to The only exception by Paramore while reading :)

Minho was content with straying away as far as possible from love. That is until you stumbled into his café on a rainy night, and unwittingly, into his life.

skz song series masterlist

i.

Minho sweeps the countertop with a blue rug, wiping away the scattered droplets of spilled coffee. He grabs a pastry from the showcase- a blondie with a raspberry drizzle on top, placing it on a plate decorated with dainty flowers. And then he gives it to the middle-aged man sitting near the back of the café. 

Minho is in Aurora, completing his mid-day shift, and yet it feels as if he's only physically there. His body is moving on auto-pilot, mechanically performing the familiar tasks etched into his memory by now. And he likes it, since it drowns out the tumultuous thoughts plaguing his mind.

Minho used to look forward to the days when Marta- Aurora's exceptional baker, would prepare blondies. The alluring aroma of the freshly made pastry would waft through the café, enveloping both Minho and the customers in a soothing embrace. He enjoyed preparing the coffee and drawing different pretty patterns on top of it. He also liked the music playing, and sometimes, the manager would even let him play some of his own playlists. 

But that was before Minho got his heart broken, torn in half, carelessly, as if it didn't belong to a breathing human, but rather to an unfeeling entity. Now, his lattes are void of intricate designs, the blondies prepared by Marta remain untouched, and his mind doesn't register the music playing. 

He's just existing, in a stillness he perfectly curated. He's a placid river, undisrupted, running its usual course day after day. 

Minho watches as the man clad in a polished suit finishes his treat, before getting up and leaving Aurora with hurried steps. He eats alone now, Minho has noticed, and his ring finger is void of the gold band he used to wear.

Perhaps that's what Minho's fate would also be. Eating alone in cafés he used to bring his lover to, basking in the chatter surrounding him, in the desperate hope that it'll fill the void inside him. 

ii. 

it's a Thursday, which means Minho is working the night shift at Aurora. It's pouring rain outside, the incessant water droplets a misty veil that fogs up the café's windows. Amidst the downpour, he catches sight of a couple dashing through the rain, hands tightly clutched into one another. They're giggling, as if the rain falling isn't a nuisance, but rather an elixir heightening their love. Minho looks the other way. 

The door to Aurora is pushed open, and Minho watches as you set foot inside. You're drenched in rain, from head to toe, strands of your hair sticking to your cheek. You exhale in relief, closing your eyes for a split second as the warmth of the café surrounds you- like a childhood blanket tightly wrapped around your being. There is a hint of a smile as you walk to the counter. It only grows when your eyes set on Minho. 

"Hi!" you greet cheerfully and he simply nods in return. The weather was horrible and you were probably uncomfortable from the clothes clinging to your skin, so what were you exactly joyful about?

"Can I have hot chocolate, please? Oh, and a piece of that brownie," you point to the showcase, and he follows your line of sight. 

"Sure, anything else?" 

"No, thank you," you smile, and he nods once again. "That will be 10 dollars." 

"Here," you hand him a crumpled bill and he takes it from you carefully, ensuring your hands don't brush against one another. 

You sit down on a chair near the window, and Minho dutifully prepares your order. He brings it to you once he's done, and you grin at him once again. You smile a lot, he thinks to himself. 

Minho goes on with his tasks, cleaning the dirty cups in the sink and grounding the coffee beans. When he's done, he can't help but notice you grabbing some napkins from the table and dabbing your neck and face dry with them. He sighs to himself before retreating to the café's backroom.

"Here, to dry your hair with," he says, handing you a clean towel.

Minho leaves before you could smile at him again. 

iii. 

It's Tuesday, and Minho has just served a freshly baked cinnamon roll to Mark- the middle-aged man who just introduced himself to Minho after months of frequenting Aurora.

Minho liked having regulars in his shifts, familiar faces to look into. This was part of the reason why he picked being a barista as a part-time job- he enjoyed people-watching. Not in a noisy way; he simply liked imagining the lives of the people surrounding him. It served as a distraction from his own. 

Among the regulars was a woman in her thirties who only ordered a chaï latte with a blueberry muffin. Then there was that one student, with blonde hair and freckles dusting his cheeks. He really despised bitter coffee, always ordering his with abnormal amounts of syrup.

And now, there was you too. You've been coming to Aurora regularly for the past few weeks since your initial visit. Minho still hasn't memorized your go-to order because you don't have one. You pick a new drink each time as if you were on a mission to taste everything on the menu. 

You come here alone, occupying the same seat by the window with your chin resting on your palm. He suspects you enjoy people-watching too since you often gaze outside. You also bring books with you, reading them while sipping on your beverage. Sometimes you write too, in a tiny sage notepad. 

And you smile, god do you smile a lot. At young children passing by in the street, at an elderly couple holding hands, at the black cat that sleeps on the edge of the window. And you smile at Minho. Each time you order, each time your eyes meet his from across the café. Minho likes to believe that happiness was so deeply ingrained within you, it became the very essence of your soul- an intrinsic part of your being you could not part with.

The door to Aurora is pushed open and Minho isn't surprised to see you entering once again, your bag loosely hanging from your shoulder. 

"Hi!" you greet excitedly as you usually do, and Minho simply nods, as he usually does. 

"I'm sorry if this is a bit weird," you preface, piquing Minho's curiosity. "I'm not really craving anything today, so can you make me your favorite drink?"

"My favorite drink?" he repeats, a bit incredulously and you nod eagerly. "Yes, I drink anything and I don't have any allergies, so whatever you prepare is fine!" you smile hopefully at him.

He stays silent, mulling over your request. He goes to say no, but the smile slowly slipping from your face makes a strange pang of guilt wash over him.

"On second thought, I'll just have-"

"Okay," he interrupts, "I'll bring it to you when it's done," he quickly says and the smile etches itself on your lips once again. Minho feels an unexpected relief dawn on him at its sight.

"Thank you! I'm yn, by the way," you introduce.

"Minho," he says, although you can read it on his nametag. 

"Minho," you repeat, and he finds himself itching to hear his name dripping from your lips again.

Minho prepares you an iced americano with cold foam, and two pumps of white mocha, since you seem to enjoy drinks on the sweeter side. He watches breathlessly from the counter as you take a sip of it, closing your eyes to fully relish in its taste. Your nose scrunches up in delight before you quickly turn around to shoot him a thumbs up from afar. 

Minho nods, before turning his back to you. Unwillingly, a small smile tugs at his lips. He's glad you liked it. 

iv.

Another Thursday unfolds following its usual routine. Mark occupies his customary spot in the rear of the café, while the scent of Marta's lemon madeleines permeates the kitchen.

Except you're not smiling. 

Minho finds it odd, how there was no cheerfulness in your steps as you walked to the counter. You did not smile while ordering, and your voice carried a tinge of sadness when you thanked him.

You did not ask about his day, nor about his cats- that was also something unusual for you to do. You've asked about them each time since Minho told you about them. He didn't plan on doing so, he just saw you one day eyeing the stickers of his three cats on his phone case, while he was counting your change.

"Are they your cats?" you asked, pointing at them and he nodded, a faint smile dancing at the corners of his lips.

"They are."

"You must love them a lot. They almost managed to make you smile," you teased, grabbing the rest of the money and walking to your usual seat. 

Minho steals brief glances at you, as he prepares your matcha latte, a drink you seemed to enjoy a lot lately. You're gazing at the window almost soulfully, your back slightly hunched as if there was an invisible weight crushing you underneath it. 

Minho nibbles on his lower lip, contemplating his next move, before grabbing the frothed milk. For the first time in months, he draws a little cat on the surface of your drink, just like he used to do a long time ago.

He brings it to you, and his heart flutters nervously as you gaze down at the cup. He almost second-guesses his action, that is until you beam at him, and Aurora suddenly feels brighter than it did seconds ago. 

v. 

"When does your shift end?" you ask Minho as he sets your perfectly crafted matcha latte on the table- an order he has committed to memory by now.

"In an hour, why?" he asks curiously and you wave your hand dismissively. "Just wanted to know." 

The seconds trickle by slowly, as the hour almost comes to an end. You watch as Minho takes off his apron, running a hand through his hair. It's gotten longer now, silky bangs he tucks behind his ear to keep them from obstructing his vision.

He talks a bit to Seungmin, the other barista that works there. And then he steals a quick glance around the room, where he finds you already looking. You wave him over, and he tilts his head slightly in confusion, before walking to your table. 

"Sit down," you smile, gesturing to the chair in front of you. Minho complies silently.

"Here," you take out a container filled with brownies from your bag. "I never properly thanked you, for the towel and for the little cat you drew on my coffee last week. So, here, thank you," you beam at him while sliding the box in his direction.

"I don't- it's nothing, you didn't have to," he says, and you notice a tinge of pink blush covering the tips of his ears.

"I wanted to. I hope you'll like them, I'm not as good as your baker, but I tried," you confess, smiling sheepishly, and Minho feels a sudden urge to vehemently contradict you, to tell you that they must taste good. And even if they didn't it wouldn't matter, because you baked them for him. And that is enough. 

But he bites the inside of his cheek harshly, physically stopping this rush of words eager to escape his mouth.

"Let's eat them together, hum?" he simply suggests, opening the container and placing a brownie on your plate before taking one himself.

"Is it good?" you ask tentatively and he pretends to contemplate your question for a moment.

"They're horrible, right? I shouldn't have taken creative liberties with the recipe and-"

"Yn, I'm just kidding," he stops you, a soft smile on his face. "They're delicious, see," he says, finishing the brownie in one bite. "Really good," he compliments, reaching for another piece. 

"Okay," you smile in relief, eyes crinkling closed. The sunlight is streaming through the window, casting a golden shadow on your face. You are swaying contently in your place, as you take another bite of the brownie. And you look happy, with him. Minho thinks the brownies are the best he's ever had because he's sharing them with you. Because he got a taste of your happiness through them. 

vi. 

"Can you believe that professor? He failed half the class and he still thinks he isn't the problem." 

You are venting to Minho about your stuck-up Economics professor, while leaning against the countertop. He's listening intently to you, drinking in the details of your face as you talk to him. For some reason, he finds the smile lines on your face mesmerizing, that and the way your eyebrows move with your every word. 

These subtle details have been engraved into his memory since the day you gave him the brownies, two months ago. He has grown fond of you, sitting at your table at the end of his shift without you having to ask. You also hang out outside of Aurora, going on frequent walks and discovering new food spots. He never felt that the conversation between you two was strenuous, or forced. It flowed naturally, like a waterfall knowing exactly where it should go.

He also finds that smiling is easy with you. At your jokes, your stories, and your existence. He's lost count of the times he found himself grinning widely at your words, or smiling softly to himself at the thought of you coming to Aurora soon.

"He's too full of himself to admit he's the one who sucks at teaching," Minho comments and you clap in agreement. 

"Right! And it's so funny because..." You're still talking but your words go unheard by Minho, like a mindless buzz in the back of his mind. He's frozen in his place, his heart beating wildly in his ribcage as he notices the couple who just came in.

His ex, with the man she cheated on him with. 

"Minho? What's wrong?" you call out, snapping him out of his daze. You're eying him worriedly, and only then does he realize how tightly he's holding the countertop. 

"Nothing," he curtly replies, as he plasters a neutral expression on his face. 

He watches as his ex's eyes widen slightly when she sees him. She forgot he was working here. Of course, it'd be easy to do so since she never visited him at Aurora anyways. Despite the flood of emotions cursing through him, Minho maintains a stoic facade, taking their orders as if she's a mere stranger and not the one behind his shattered heart.

As Minho attempts to prepare their coffee, his hand trembles uncontrollably, forcing him to stop before dropping the milk.

He didn't love her anymore, he was certain of it. But still, the sight of her brought unpleasant memories back to the surface. Ones he tried so hard to bury in the back of his mind. And Aurora was his sanctuary. One, she never tainted with her presence. Has she not taken enough from him already? 

"Minho?" you call out softly, and Minho feels guilty because he left you alone with no explanation. Still, when he turns around, he can tell you aren't upset. You are worried, looking at him cautiously. 

"Is everything okay?" you ask once again, and this time Minho can't find it in him to lie to you, so he simply shakes his head no. 

"Your hand is shaking," you observe, before gently grabbing it in yours. You cover his hand with both of your palms, squeezing it lightly to steady the tremors cursing through it. 

Your hand is warm, and very soft, a stark contrast to the sharp emotions surging within him, like pine needles puncturing his heart.

"Would you like me to serve them?" you ask softly, and Minho isn't surprised you picked up on his unease. You're perceptive, it's one of the things he likes about you. 

"Please," he responds quietly. You simply smile, reaching for an apron and wrapping it around your waist. You look adorable, intertwining yourself with his world, and the sight of you eases the ache in Minho's soul.

A few minutes later, you grab the tray from his hands and walk over to their table. Minho chuckles inwardly when he notices that you didn't smile at them, serving them with a blank face, and his chest warms a little.

He has you on his side. 

Five days later, you're sitting besides Minho on a bench; watching the sun as it dips into the ocean, painting the sky in hues of orange and yellow. Yet, the dazzling colors are the last thing on Minho's mind. All he can think about is you. How you helped him with serving the rest of the drinks that day, how he taught you how to work the coffee machines- a solace from the ugly feelings that roared in him.

"Thank you," he abruptly says and you turn to look at him, perplexed.

"For what you did the other day, with the couple that came in. That was, um... my ex and the person she cheated on me with," he confesses quietly, fiddling with his earlobe. He didn't need to tell you, but he wanted to. "I've moved on, it's just... seeing her again hurt. I don't know why." 

Your eyes soften at him, not in pity, but in care. And Minho doesn't mind being vulnerable with you. It's scaring him, but he doesn't mind.

"It's normal for it hurt, it would honestly be weird if it didn't," you smile gently and he sighs in reply, running a hand through his hair. 

"I wish it didn't."

"Love is a powerful feeling, it consumes our entire beings. That's why it hurts when our hearts are toyed with. But love itself doesn't hurt, I feel like it's what makes our world move. You know, the little gestures humans do for one another, that are fueled by love. Like, um... scratching someone's back or peeling someone's fruit. You don't have to do those things, but you do. Because you love the person, and it makes your existence feel gentler, and softer on the heart." You explain, the words leaving your mouth and wrapping around Minho's soul, healing parts of him that he didn't know were bruised.

"My point is, it's normal for you to be hurt. But I hope you don't close your heart entirely to the feeling. Because we may not have grand things in our life, but if there is a hand that brushes our tears away and one that folds our laundry, then that's enough for us to lead a beautiful life."

Minho blinks repeatedly, in a desperate attempt to keep his tears at bay. He felt as if the letters you uttered unfolded and stretched in front of his eyes, morphing into a gentle hand patting his back. Yours.

You smile softly at him, the water's reflection shimmering in your eyes. And Minho thinks that he's standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to dive into the unknown- into you. 

"How do you do it?" he chuckles in disbelief, as he leans a bit closer to you. "You make me want to believe in love again," he pauses, before adding quietly, "but only if it's with you." 

You remain silent as Minho fidgets with his fingers, before tentatively grabbing your hand in his. He doesn't look at you, his gaze fixated on the way your fingers naturally intertwine with one another- as if finding each other after a lifetime of being apart.

"You know, I'd thought I'd always live like this, keeping a comfortable distance between me and people," he says, raising his head to finally meet your eyes, "and up until now I thought I was content with it, with loneliness, I mean. But... but brownies taste sweeter when I'm with you, and Aurora is brighter when you are in it, and smiling feels like second nature around you. And I don't... I don't think I can go back to being lonely again, not when I've had a taste of you in my life." 

Minho's heart is beating wildly into his chest, and he can hear the blood rushing through his ears, frantically, as if to warn him against what he's about to say. But your thumb caresses his palm reassuringly and he wants to try again. With you.

"I- I never wanted to love again, because no one, none of it was ever worth the risk, but you... You are the only exception."

Minho exhales breathlessly and you wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him to your chest. You hoped that your warmth would ease his nerves a bit, that your hand on his back would feel gentle on his soul. You didn't want to rush your answer, trying to think of something that will patch up the deeply carved scar in his heart, a perfectly made band-aid in the shape of syllables.

It's a foolish hope, you realize, to instantly quiet the cries of a bruised spirit. So you simply settle on saying the truth sitting on the edge of your tongue.

"It will be quite hard, and scary for you," you whisper placing a tender kiss on his shoulder blade. "But I'll help you, if you'd let me. I'll take care of your heart better than I do with my own."

vii.

"Hey, baby," you smile at Minho, slipping behind the counter to be by his side. He pulls you by your waist, kissing your cheek softly.

"I missed you," he pouts, and you giggle, playing with strands of his hair, "I missed you too."

"Do you know what day it is today?" he asks, a shy smile gracing his face.

"No...?" you trail out and he chuckles, taking your hand in his.

"Don't worry, you didn't miss my birthday. It's just... it's been a year since you first came into Aurora."

"You remember?" you ask in amazement, your heart swelling with love for the man standing before you.

"Mm, how could I forget you? Also," he sneakily points to a table near the back, "my favorite couple is back."

You turn around, a soft gasp escaping your mouth as you find Mark gently holding the hands of his date. You smile happily when you finally notice it- the wedding ring, finally back on his finger.

[taffywabbit]

"why not just make your own website?"

with the announcement of cohost's death and amidst all the other tumultuous shit currently going on with social media as a concept (i am AMAZED twitter has survived this long given the circumstances), one suggestion that i've been hearing a lot is "we should just go back to the good old days of personal websites. let's all just make neocities pages!!"

(this is gonna be a long one sorry)

and like. idk! it's certainly something i've considered, i think it would be a fun thing to have, but it also feels like the equivalent of "capitalism sucks so let's all just run off into the woods and live in a cabin outside of society" to me. like it would be nice, it would be fun, but it doesn't ultimately solve the actual problems that are present with the modern internet, it just evades them. more importantly in my case and many others, it does not really help people who rely on the modern internet and the connections they're able to make there for their income. sure i can make a website and host my art and blog posts there, but who's going to see it? i can't build a consistent audience and make a living off of random passersby who peek at my website once, say "huh, neat!" and MAYBE add it to an RSS feed or whatever if they really like it. there's minimal potential for meeting and impressing new people outside my existing circles if i don't ALSO still have some manner of social media platform to promote the website on.

a lot of the "solutions" i see people proposing for the slow, painful decline of social media as a user experience keep coming back to old-fashioned, more isolated/insular systems. we miss forums, we miss personal webpages, we miss newsletters, etc etc. but like... those things were ideal in the "old web" because the old web was more about sharing hobbies and interests with whoever happened to pass by and check them out, and even just USING the internet was a niche hobby in and of itself for a lot of people. if you wanna be kinda cynical about it (and not unjustifiably so), web 2.0 is much more blatantly business-oriented, and its algorithms and carefully crafted UX's are primarily meant to funnel you towards viewing ads and spending money on products. looking at it that way, it sure does suck and Everything Was Better Before! but the modern web is ALSO more powerful than anything before it for just like. connecting people. spreading information and news. showing your art/music/writing/thoughts/etc to strangers who never knew you existed an hour ago. putting the tools to reach out to someone and tell them you think they're cool right there on the same website where their art is hosted, just a comment or a message away.

if you're able to avoid patterns of engagement-bait and obsessing over follower counts as a measure of self-worth (a big "if", i realize, but i view it like installing an adblocker - it's just kind of a basic prerequisite for modern internet safety and survival), a lot of these systems can genuinely be really positive and life-changing in ways that were simply not possible 20 years ago! almost all of my current closest friends are people I met through sharing our art on platforms like Twitter who were complete strangers at the time. all of the art clients that regularly pay my bills and support my work came from places like that too! the "social" part of "social media" is really what makes it ultimately worth keeping around in any form, and makes the pursuit of a Good social media platform still valuable.

there's a lot to love about the old web - its aesthetics, simplicity and freedom for personal expression - but every time someone says "just delete your socials and make a personal website" i am forced to confront the fact that i could never do what i currently do or be the person i am on the old web. if i was stuck hanging out in my own little space and only ever interacting with people who openly and loudly share my interests, i couldn't support myself with art full-time, i probably would never have met the kind and quiet strangers who are now my best friends and have made me who i am, and i'd just generally get a lot less insight into the vast range of experiences and perspectives that exist outside of my own. my life would be on a fundamentally different trajectory in countless ways without the advent of web 2.0.

and that's not to say "well twitter and facebook and tumblr all suck but you kinda still have to hand it to them" cuz you don't, obviously. they're corporations, and their job is to take the personalities and thoughts and art of the people who use their products and try to scrunch it all into something uninform and marketable that generates profit and pleases their shareholders. but like, you CAN still make a good thing out of them! these websites are tools just as much as geocities or myspace or IRC used to be. and the one thing these newer tools are pretty much all REALLY good at is discoverability. if you're just a hobbyist at the things you wanna share on the internet, then you likely don't have a lot of use for those tools, and perhaps you WOULD genuinely be happier just keeping a personal blog site or hanging out in private groupchats or sticking to specialized federated Mastodon instances or whatever. it just isn't feasible for me, and there are a LOT of people in my same situation. my entire industry of online freelance artists barely existed 20 years ago, and the web culture of that era is largely incompatible with my continued survival in the mid-2020s. i would LOVE to run off and live in the woods in concept, but all my survival skills are adapted for city living and i would just eat the wrong berry and die out there. i want- i NEED people to try and improve the spaces we're in, and support better forms of social media (like what cohost was trying and largely succeeding to do!) instead of just complaining that it all sucks, everything was better when we were kids, and digging ourselves little holes to hide in. much like all the other problems and frustrations and systemic issues of the world we live in, the modern web isn't going to go away if you just ignore it, so we may as well try to make it better for everyone.

anyways tl;dr i probably WILL make a neocities at some point. it could be fun, even if it doesn't help my career stability or whatever. but i do also need ALL THE SOCIAL PLATFORMS I USE FOR MY JOB TO STOP EXPLODING PRETTY PLEASE, and failing that, some actual half-decent alternatives that aren't going to fizzle out in a month would also be great thanks ✌

[fanganfessions]

Something I find hilarious about Damon, is just how he's completely wrong about talents. His isn't better than everyone else's. Its probably on the same level as most of them.

Jean has to know first-aid, weather patterns, memorise multiple sea routes, keep group morale high and actually save people from drowning in order to qualify as an Ultimate. Diana has to have the skill to be able to instantly identify what kinds of makeup looks good on her client, probably transform people's faces into something entirely different, and make sure to never make a mistake as she'd have to redo everything. Her eye for detail isn't something you'd find everywhere. Heck, even Kai has to memorise algorithm trends, do partnerships and such, and according to his FTEs, he manufactured an entire zeitgeist from one account, when he was doing an online marketing job his coworkers were cheating off of (even Damon thinks this is impressive), and also influenced the marketing strategies of companies that try to seem more "friendly" and "casual" on social media accounts. Wolfgang's work changes the course of lives, helping innocent people who could've gotten live sentences live freely. Wenona's responsible for basically all the food in the country.

Not to say Damon's talent isn't also extremely impressive. He has to memorise the details of any kind of topic in order to have an expert's opinion in an incredibly short period of time, and weigh it's pros and cons in order to argue for or against it. He's pretty good at the thing too, judging by his Ultimate title. Him winning enough competitions that his parents don't have to work anymore, and supposedly paying for the welfare, groceries and overall living expenses for three (or more if he also pays for any siblings or uncles and aunts) people is pretty damn impressive. It's just that most of his actual arguments about talents are so far-fetched that it's impossible not to poke holes in them.

Yeah, sure buddy, you can argue about ethics and politics, but so can literally everyone. Has he ever went outside near his country's election day?? Or ever went to a family gathering?? And that's only talking about politics. Beause he's definitely not the only one to ever have an opinion. Yeah, his arguments are backed up by actual data and stuff, but he's not the only person to ever do that, and like 99% of those people probably work office jobs. Intelligence also doesn't make his talent superior cause you have to be intelligento for every talent. He also admits in Wenona's FTEs that he wipes his memory clean in order to prepare for his next debate, so he doesn't actually learn anything.

Some talents are obviously more useful to society, like entrepreneurship or law, but debate isn't one of them. In fact, it barely changes society as a whole. It's extremely important to Damon's life and his family's, but unless he goes straight into being a politician or something, odds are he's not changing anything. Damon is pretty impressive as a person, probably more intelligent than most of his classmates, but his talent simply isn't betters than their's. Like I mentioned above, all Ultimate talents are impressive, but comparing a cosmetologist to a entreprenur, an influencer to a historian, or a debater to a lawyer... doesn't make that much sense.

Personally, I think all the characters are extremely impressive in their personal talents (because they're ultimates, duh), but tons of characters like Damon and Eva (most obvious examples) definitely aren't defined by their talents in regards to how intelligent they are, even though their characters do revolve around their Ultimates.

⠀

[chimggukchim]

2024...A Look Back At Jikook

As we bring in the new year and all the possibilities and hope that it brings, I thought I'd reflect on the year that was 2024 and all that we received from Jimin and Jungkook. Here are some of my favourite presents!

Are You Sure? - Duh! Lol. How else would I begin this list? I don't think there was anyone who could have ever predicted that we would be getting a reality series with just Jikook. Like...THAT HAPPENED! We literally got to spend 8+ hours with Jikook and their dynamic. Added to that...MERCH?! So I'd say it was a pretty rewarding year if we'd just gotten that.

MUSE - I'm sure we all felt a bit dejected when FACE's promo time wasn't that long due to most of the guys needing to release their stuff before their enlistment date in December. This is not meant to be a fighting point (I don't care to entertain mantis). Anyway, it was a joy to not only see him release another album, but also have that album and it's HUGE single be given an adequate amount of focus time. I personally enjoyed MUSE more, as the songs were more to my taste and...BLONDE JIMIN!!! I was completely obsessed with his look for this album. And I love that even though a lot of English was incorporated into the album, there was still a very big presence of Jimin in its creation. Jimin is so creative, it isn't even funny, and I personally look forward to him being more involved in BTS' music production and lyricism.

WHO - Listen...when Seven came out and did THOSE numbers, my mind was blown. Just look at the records it took from BTS and Dynamite/Butter! I was like...how can that ever be topped? Well, Park Jimin had something to say about that, apparently. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I was simply dumbfounded that Who was not only keeping pace or was close to what Seven did last year, but surpassed it in so many key areas! It isn't that I doubted Jimin or anything. But certain patterns have been established; Jungkook has, for years, been arguably the most popular member just based purely on a consumption factor. So his releases would have done numbers. And Seven was a very heavily promoted single. Not to mention, Jungkook himself was present to do a promo run (which is why it got radio for those who don't understand how radio deals work in the US). So what Who has achieved without all of that (especially without Jimin to physically be here to promote) is absolutely incredible. And it shows me that, like Jungkook, Jimin would absolutely kill a solo run whenever he so chooses in the future. I am like a proud mama seeing what Who continues to achieve to this day, and am happy that he has the support.

Who Is My Heart Waiting For - Yes, Jimin. Who was your heart truly waiting for? lol. I won't go into much analysis here because there are amazingly detailed, cohesive, logical takes on the Who MV by others, so you can check those out. What I will say is that there is not a doubt in my mind that those are Jungkook's eyes in that billboard, and that this MV was done deliberately. Jimin and Jungkook have, over the years and on numerous occasions, put a bit of each other into their art, and just enough to have our heads scratching yet not be overtly obvious about anything. Kings of subtle yet loud, I would say. And this MV for me, was another example of that. Sure, one can debate that we can't be 100% certain it's JK but to that I say...to each his own. Because it wasn't just the eye thing. It was the entire MV. And the link to Taeyang and his ENL mv, I don't think is a coincidence. He is one of Jimin's biggest influences, and they did spend time together. I truly do think that Jimin used this opportunity to tell us who really has his heart.

Jikook are a MUSICAL DUO FORCE to be reckoned with - Potential relationship aside, looking at Jimin and Jungkook from a purely professional standpoint, what 2024 has shown me is that if these two were to ever be given the opportunity to become a sub-unit in the future...they would conquer the musical world. They have both shown with their music, that they have the support to be absolutely successful, and with the release of AYS, and how it was received, there is an indication that they are a very popular duo within the fandom as well (don't let keyboard trolls on social media gaslight you into thinking otherwise). Plus, the stage presence they have individually, and the chemistry they have together is otherwordly insane. So if there is one wish that I did have where jikook are concerned, it would be that BigHit see the potential there and give them a shot at a sub-unit at some time.

Jikook continues to Jikook - No matter what anyone comes on here to say (anti, solo, akgae, denialists etc), 2024 has shown us that Jimin and Jungkook continue to go very strong. They enlisted together for a reason, and it seems that they are happy they did so. These two continue to be the 'You Are Me, I Am You' duo that the universe conspired to put together. They are happy together now, and I cannot wait for them to be happy together come June, 2025.

Anyway, those were just some of the little gifts that I was happy to be given by these two this past year. I'm sure I missed some stuff, so you are most welcome to share your thoughts too.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!!

[juniperss]

you requested headcannon ideas so how about the outsiders gang with a partner that loves to embroider so a lot of their clothes have random flowers and stars and hidden hearts AND their partner puts patches on their clothes for them when its needed

this is sooooo cute *screams* I really wish I knew how to embroider because I think it's super pretty. I'm so jealous of people who can do it!

(Gender neutral)

Darry:

You knowing how to embroider and you willing to help patch up clothes when he needs it is a HUGE blessing. He doesn't like to ask you to do it because he doesn't think it's fair so when you just started doing it to help out? OH his heart was about to burst.

I don't think he noticed the little designs that you snuck into the clothing for a while. He's busy and really doesn't bother with trying to "look his best" on a daily basis. As long as his clothes are clean for certain jobs, it doesn't really matter.

The first time he realized what you were doing was when he sat down next to you on the couch while you were embroidering after getting home from work. The boys were out and it was a rare moment of calm, he watched you working and noticed that you'd sneak a heart into the cuff of a sleeve on one of his shirts. He was so caught up in watching your fingers that it took him a moment before it registered.

This man felt his heart pounding in his chest and glanced up at your face before looking back down at the pattern. He doesn't say anything, but he kisses your shoulder and keeps watching you work.

He might bring it up later that night when you're in bed together after thanking you for patching up yet another tear in one of Ponyboy's pants. But I think you'd catch him always rubbing the designs you've embroidered into his clothing, his fingers always working at that little heart on the sleeve

He likes to work on projects in the house himself so you've got yourself a buddy when it comes to keeping your hands busy. He'll sit in the same room with you and work on his own thing while you're embroidering. He doesn't really talk during this time because he doesn't want to bother you, but if you initiate conversation he'll gladly listen to you.

Dally:

simply does not have the patience to worry about tears or holes in his clothing. He's the type to be like, "I'll just wear a jacket it's fine" when he has a tear in his shirts. And he always has holes or tears in his clothing. Which means that he automatically notices when you've patched them up for him.

he gets a little flustered because wow, you like him enough to do that? he's used to girls wanting to go out with him but he's not used to being take care of like that. The idea that you sat down and took the time fix his clothing is a lot to wrap his brain around.

he also notices the patterns right away. and he LOVES them. I definitely think that he sees your designs in his clothing as a type of ownership thing. Much like how he might give you his necklace to show others that you're his partner or how he gives you his coat when you're out and about, he sees the stars as your way of telling others that he's your guy.

He likes to watch you embroider and will just watch you work if you'll let him. Sure, he falls asleep with his head on your lap but he can't help it. It soothing to watch you do something so domestic in his company.

Sodapop:

Also notices what you've been doing really quickly but not in the same way that Dally does. He notices because he watches what you embroider most of the time. Sodapop is a big fan of everything you do and that includes your hobbies of embroidering and he takes an interest in it as soon as he learns about it.

Asks you a lot of questions about the process and if you mention that you can make fun patterns, he's the one who asks you if you could do some flowers on one of his old shirts. He hasn't worn it in a while because it was torn and he didn't have time to figure out how to repair it.

Once you begin working on the shirt he starts to get really excited and touched that you want to take on the task. He will wear that shirt all the time after you're done. And yes, he's showing Darry and Ponyboy the flowers.

He doesn't mind the other guys poking fun at the floral designs and boasts about how talented you are to be able to do this.

Starts to look for other patterns you might've put in his other clothes. It's kind of like a scavenger hunt.

[thefirstknife]

I haven't been able to play the latest update yet so I gotta ask. With all this talk of the winnower, have we found out that its a separate entity to The Witness, or are we just finding out more about how the Witness operated?

It's confirmed now that it is a separate entity! It is identified as a speaker on the seasonal artifact. Like it straight up says "The Winnower" after a quote.

I've always believed them to be separate, my only issue was that we had no solid proof that the Winnower is even a real thing, since the only indications of it were various religious texts and other people's beliefs and unreliable narrators. Even the stuff in Books of Sorrow where something spoke to Oryx, it was really difficult to find genuine proof of what it is. Could've been the Witness adopting a persona to trick Oryx, could've been just various Books of Sorrow lies or unreliable information, could've been Savathun scribbling lies, or something completely different. Books of Sorrow are such an old and biased text in general, with many different narrators.

Unveiling was another contentious text, mostly because of the same things. It was left for us in the Pyramid after we spoke to a clone of ourselves made by the Witness and it was clearly a propaganda text to make us join the Witness, but also it did imply that the text was written by an entity called the "Winnower." However, that could, once again, haven been the Witness. I might still be more in the camp that Unveiling was the Witness' attempt to emulate the higher power it believed in (the Winnower) and using that to sway us to its side, but we don't really know now. The Witness further said (in TFS, largely in the raid) that it believed in the Winnower and considered itself to be its "first knife," but then when we got Nacre, the Winnower (more or less confirmed now) said that it didn't really care for the Witness. Or, at the very least, that the Winnower is not exactly a thing that deliberately sends out others to do its bidding; it kinda relies on people simply choosing to do so by themselves:

This great, beloved cosmos. Always decaying, always finding that same old lovely pattern, despite every candle-flame burning amid the flowers. A billion electrons taking the path of least resistance. In Darkness or in Light, someone is always making my choice. Be seeing you.

An interesting piece of Nacre that caught my eye originally was that the narrator claimed that it "never much cared for the change of the rules," but in Unveiling it very much did. So either Unveiling was written by someone merely interpreting the Winnower who got it wrong, or possibly something else. And one of the lore tabs from the new grimoire (that currently isn't in the game), has this:

The rules changed - a little. The pattern altered - but a micron. I got used to it, as they say. People can get used to anything, and the same holds true for concepts that have existed before and after time itself, though it may take an eon or twenty.

This implies that the Winnower changed its mind which means that Unveiling may still be written by it. Or not! It's intriguing. As I said many times, the unreliability of Unveiling is actually one of my favourite parts of the whole lore book and why it's my fave. I don't think that getting this explained would really "ruin" it or anything, but the unreliability is a part of the charm for sure.

Note also another one of my fave things about the Winnower and that's the bit where it calls itself a "concept that has existed before and after time itself." This, combined with the Heresy artifact, gives us a bit more information to work with while also fully confirming that it exists; even if it exists just as a concept.

But now that the Winnower has been explicitly stated as a speaker in lore without any ambiguity:

"The world is not built on the laws they love… Not with peace, but by victory at any means." —The Winnower

... Now a lot of stuff is much different when discussing it all. I'm actually now more inclined to believe that Oryx spoke to the Winnower then, rather than the Witness, now that we have proof the Winnower can communicate directly and would have an interest in doing so. Obviously the tone of voice of the speaker in Books of Sorrow always matched the Winnower, but it was never outside of the possibility that it was just the Witness mimicking what it essentially viewed as its deity.

At one point, especially after the writers heavily implied that Unveiling was a deliberate propaganda text written and given to us by the Witness, I thought that it was settled and that they decided to consolidate it all with the Witness, including the Books of Sorrow bits, but now that they're expanding it to the Winnower, I do think that Oryx and Unveiling were Winnower; even if the Witness may have been involved somehow, maybe as a delivery mechanism, especially for Unveiling. I like the idea of the Witness having somehow encountered the Winnower at some point, maybe like Oryx, and used that experience to essentially claim to be "the first knife" and write the text for us to make us believe in this philosophy like it was convinced. The Witness definitely believed itself to be important to the Winnower, enacting its will and philosophy across the universe as its "first knife." Even if the Winnower didn't really directly order that or care about it, other than just using it as proof that "someone is always making my choice."

I'm assuming we'll learn more during Heresy. I personally don't want the Winnower to become an enemy we fight one day, as I prefer this idea of an ambiguous observer from outside of the universe who is patiently waiting to see how "the game" unfolds; both "the game" as what it likes to call this version of the universe and also "the game" as in the 4th wall breaking sense. We'll see though! I do think it's settled beyond doubt now that the Winnower is its own thing, we just don't really know what it is. I am very interested to know more about its relationship to the Witness though, if we ever get more on that, because I'd love to hear more about it from the Winnower itself. The Witness was obviously biased and had many claims that I find dubious in nature.

Exciting situation overall! Really loved the proper confirmation for the Winnower being the speaker for the artifact because as much as I was always intrigued by the Winnower, I found it hard to talk about it like it's some confirmed character/entity. Speculation aside, we truly had no solid evidence until now, but now we do and that's really cool.

[respectthepetty]

Petty, I respect you.

I do.

However.

DONT BE QUITE ABOUT THE COLOURS IN ON1Y 1 BECAUSE I WILL READ A FULL THESIS ON IT, 20 PAGES!!!! 50 PAGES!!!!

PLEASEEEE Give

It

To

Meeeeeeeee 🥹

Anon,

You've opened a floodgate.

Because I always notice the colors, but just because I see colors doesn't mean I know why they are significant. Even if I see there is a pattern, it doesn't mean I understand its importance. And I don't think y'all should be subject to me screaming about Jiang Tian's paper bookmarks being yellow and pink in a book of (love?) poems where he has highlighted that "a girl's shyness is like a tender cherry under the sunlight" and "16- and 17-year-olds are like fruits in the morning sun, sparkling."

Sheng Wang asks who this is about, but we know who this is about. The colors mean things.

And more importantly, I actually didn't write weekly or episodic posts about shows until 2022. I used to wait until a show was over to write about the colors or background noise, and, mostly, I only did it when people would ask me about it. Big Dragon was the first show that I felt compelled to write weekly about the colors and background noise because it was so amazing, so 2024 is still an odd space for me to be in sometimes because as much as I love colors, I'm ALWAYS surprised how much y'all want to know about them . . . weekly . . . per episode . . . for all the shows.

I write for myself, but sometimes I think y'all don't need to witness me losing my shit every week for sixteen weeks over obviously color-coded characters in The Loyal Pin.

And sometimes I think y'all don't want to witness me losing my shit over colors that I can't completely understand like the grays in 4 Minutes.

And then other times I think y'all shouldn't have to witness me losing my shit over colors that I'm not sure are colors until I've watched enough episodes to feel sure that the colors are, in fact, coloring; then, the series, The Trainee, actually tells me the colors were coloring the entire time like I thought.

And that's why I try to be quiet about shows because I'm figuring them out in my head, or I'm waiting for enough information to feel confident about them, and I don't want to hog up the tag with my ramblings. I need to sit in it a bit to figure out what the colors mean.

Kiseki: Dear to Me was the perfect example. I didn't mention anything about colors until prompted by others because it took me until the third episode to feel certain that Chen Yi and Ai Di matched colors, then it took me close to the end of the series to realize all the cameo couples ALSO matched colors.

It took me until the end of My Love Mix-Up to realize Aoki's color had evolved.

It took me two seasons (and a movie) to feel secure that Kiyoi was a Heavenly Human in My Beautiful Man.

And it took me until midway through Semantic Error to figure out why the red disappeared.

That's how The On1y One is for me. I knew yellow/orange and blue would play some part in the story based on the posters, but I wasn't sure how until I started seeing more visuals appear.

Because even though I saw a yellow container of food for Sheng Wang in the first episode,

I didn't realize he mostly ate color-coded food until episode four.

It's such a tiny detail, so I could have easily missed it, but because I know that he is a picky eater, I feel like it's not simply a coincidence, and I quickly noticed it in the eighth episode.

But I needed to collect more images before I could state that. I needed to let the story develop before I realized it. I needed to settle into it. And that's why I wrote my halfway point post after a few people asked if I noticed.

Because I know I seem like a magician who shouts a lot, but I'm not. Sometimes, I have to be patient and let the colors sneak up on me while I'm simply enjoying the moment, like Sheng Wang's orange alarm clock nestled into the corner of his bed while he falls asleep on his light yellow pillow in his light yellow shirt.

I know not all visuals can be a literal bright yellow sign hanging from the color-coded boy's room, ya know?

I'm not Jenny who cannot grasp that she keeps taking food and drinks meant for Benny even when he realized if she could figure out the mug was about gay rights without realizing he was gay then someone smarter will along and piece the dots together . . .

Because like, girl, he's gay.

But it does take me time to collect images and get my thoughts in order, so until then, I'm going to be quiet.

Or as quiet as a loud ass like me can be.

[windypuddle]

Based entirely on the two Mikoto MVs, I'm convinced Mikoto is the personality that killed all the people and John was the one doing the cleanup afterwards. John says "I learned how to clean a crime scene for you. Please jsut say thank you once please"

See I , when I found out that John could attack Es but Mikoto can't, also thought that Mikoto is the one who did the actual murders. Because if MILGRAM can differentiate between the two, you'd think it can differentiate correctly. Unless they just had to encode Mikoto in there somehow before they knew about John... but I can't think of how something like that would be able to tell the difference. Maybe brainwave patterns? the whole "prisoners can't attack the warden" and the 09 situation is really interesting too. MILGRAM is either supernatural (...they do have a telepathic rabbit) or extremely futuristically high-tech ("any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" - arthur c clarke). And if it was that level... you'd hope its accurate.

Sorry. long winded way of saying I agree that Mikoto is the one who actually did the murder.

This was definitely what I thought before Double came out, and i only listened to the 09 t2 voice drama recently. I don't remember much of it besides John being scared that if he's fronting too often, Mikoto will disappear, and he doesn't want that to happen because he did all this to protect him, so he (John) should be the one to disappear. But I think (and correct me if I'm wrong) but when a system forms due to some traumatic event, usually the system forms after the event itself, so it would make sense if Mikoto did that, then John formed and cleaned it up, and Mikoto simply blocked out the memories. But Mikoto on his own repressing the memories seems more complicated than him simply not remembering it because he didn't do it, since amnesia is one of the diagnostic symptoms of DID; at least, it would make more sense as per Occam's razor.

[dramatic pause while i go rewatch MeMe and Double. putting this under the cut because it got super long]

MeMe

"I'd play dead even though I'm alive" (subtitle translation, bear with me) is a really interesting line. It could be referencing this facade that Mikoto is putting up about not knowing anything, or possibly his attitude during the murder detaching himself ("playing dead") even though he's the one actually doing it, leading to repressing the memory/pretending it was just a dream.

"'I' will save 'me'" as a line coming *after* the actual murder is interesting. I do think the general view of MeMe is that the more angry/harsher voice is John, while the milder one is Mikoto, but maybe it's not that simple. Nothing is ever that simple with MILGRAM...

"I won't forgive you if this is happening to me even though I'm right" is also interesting in that he turns the forgiven/unforgiven thing back on Es. But what is he "right" about? That he didn't do anything? The phrasing and use of "if" implies that he isn't certain.

The second murder/verse shows Mikoto in the Hanged Man t-shirt (the hanged man signifies sacrifice or indecision/waiting), which is also what he wears in the chorus where his voice is softer, supposed to be Mikoto and not John... earlier at the line of "I will save me" he takes the shirt off and puts on a plain white shirt and talks about shaking it up/switch up that brain, which only John seems to be aware of being a system, so if the plain shirt/shirtless is John and the tarot shirt is Mikoto... then that would indeed be Mikoto murdering someone.

In the mirror scene after the shower, when it sort of zooms out, the Mikoto closer to the camera is wearing his jacket (you can see it on his arm at 1:44) ... interesting. and then the "Take a good look at me until you find me, the truth will come to reveal itself" in the chorus... right after the mirror thing.... very interesting. veeerrrry interesting.

And then he gets the Devil card. Meaning (according to various sources) obsession, addiction, powerlessness, excess; violence and fatality; your "inner demons"/"shadow self"; and in the Fool's Journey, economic materialism. Hmm. like a job. That connects to how John says the stress of his job is what drove them to murder people as stress relief. Another observation: Most iterations of the Devil card have the Devil perched on some kind of pedestal which has two people chained to it, a man and a woman; Mikoto's version of the deck has neither of those people, but some strange objects instead, and the Devil's body is a mannequin, like the ones on the train in Double.

...

And then we see both of them in the same outfit, so maybe just ignore what I said about the shirts...

The security footage after the line "I'm already the fake one" implies that Mikoto doesn't remember those moments directly, but maybe is aware of them due to evidence/the actual security footage

In the very last chorus he flips the Fool card at the viewer, signifying that he's the one that the Fool's Journey is applying to here... and then does a whole tarot spread that i do NOT know enough to interpret. and then the last card he flips over is Death. Meaning transformation, release, change. Essentially, letting go of the past to embrace the future. Hmm. That makes me think John could entirely replace Mikoto by the end of MILGRAM. But who knows...

Double

Right off the bat we get John talking about all these recurring themes, that Mikoto is overstressed and work and too much of a people pleaser, but he needs to stop taking on so much, and John will help him deal with all the pressure and protect him from the consequences.

All this language about John "saving" Mikoto definitely could be implying that he cleans up the scene afterwards. While he does acknowledge that the murder was for stress relief, I don't think he'd go so far as to say randomly killing people is "saving" Mikoto; but if Mikoto was killing people, and John was cleaning up the evidence, that could definitely be it.

Based on the cues to tell the difference between John and Mikoto, the bridge of Double seems to be Mikoto on the phone with his mom, and John killing indiscriminate people... But tbh every single person in this series in as unreliable narrator. just to keep that in mind.

The ending frames of Double go so hard. I think it is Mikoto saying "I'm so sorry" which could be him apologizing for the trouble he's caused with all this damn murder! or just like.... everything. in general. Idk.

TLDR I'm not certain on the specifics of Mikoto and John's whole situation, but I can absolutely believe that Mikoto is the one who committed the murders, and the structure of Milgram itself supports this. The MVs complicate things but people are complicated. I 🩵 unreliable narrators

[familyabolisher]

Would you elaborate on why you don't really believe in addictive personalities? I find that a useful descriptor for myself that reminds me how easy it is for me to get into unhealthy behavior patterns. I have to fully stay away from tiktok and gacha games(I will never go gambling) because I know I can't trust myself with them. I also have to be REALLY careful with alcohol, etc. I have adhd and bi-polar, and I like having a phrase that describes my experience without being too over-medicalized and relating everything to diagnoses. I'm curious why you don't like it as a construct/whatever your opinion is!

personal explanatory power is one thing and i wouldn’t begrudge you that but i don’t really see how it has any materialist usage; and ultimately, like, i’m a marxist, any way in which i evaluate a framework that’s supposed to explain something in the world has to come from the assumption that the world is best explained through historical materialism. ‘addictive personality’ with no further elaboration is an idealist claim which obfuscates crucial points of discourse around addiction and the conditions that give rise to it—and indeed the conditions which cause us to name one substance or action as ‘addictive’ over another in the first place. addiction is materially punished; through social stigma, but also through housing discrimination, workplace discrimination, policing & incarceration, psychiatry, the sorts of forces that add up to eventually facilitate the conditions of social murder. we only have to look as far as the war on drugs to understand how ‘addiction,’ the consumption and circulation of substances regarded as ‘addictive,’ is not a prediscursive state but one that can be leveraged to violently enforce conditions of hegemony and quell insurgence through carceralism and social murder. i also just heavily distrust psychology as a field and certainly don’t buy these appeals to an essential self as a self who ‘has’ xyz tendencies as though xyz tendencies (such as the traits given in the five-factor model which is applied to ‘explain’ a predisposition to addiction) are anything other than postdiscursive descriptors we’ve imbued with meaning relative to a postdiscursive normalcy. i think psychological theorising around personality tends to obfuscate materialist frameworks in favour of methodologies which presume and reify normativity (eg. the claim that those more vulnerable to ‘addictive personalities’ have a stronger tendency towards ‘social alienation’ and ‘nonconformity’ without defining what constitutes ‘alienation’ and ‘conformity’ in the first place—as though personality traits simply appear out of thin air).

as we’ve seen dozens of times, “addiction” is a slippery term easily wielded towards reactionary ends. “porn addiction” is a line taken by anti-sex work radfems; “food addiction” is infamously unscientific and preying on cultural predispositions towards fatphobia; “internet addiction” is similarly flimsy and frequently deployed in theories of cultural degeneration. this doesn’t mean that the clusters of behaviours we term “addiction” aren’t “real” in the sense that some people do develop dependencies on particular substances, but that the term can be used to draw connections between the reactionary attitude held towards addiction & its attendant connotations (of infantilisation, justified removal of autonomy, incarceration, psychiatric intervention, and so on) and whatever the wielder wants to malign (porn, food, using the internet). if we reify the idea of there being an ontological state within ourselves by which we are more or less prone to “addiction,” we by implication act against the necessity of interrogating what is meant by “addiction” and why it is being invoked in the first place; we also place all our explanatory eggs, so to speak, in the basket of the individual cast as “addicted,” rather than turning our attention towards the source of the “addictive” substance or object and its material origins + usage.

so it bears asking what we’re obscuring and what we’re facilitating when we give legitimacy to the idea of an ‘addictive personality’ in the public discourse, which is what i meant when i said that the term has no materialist explanatory power for me—casting someone in the role of an addict, even if only in the hypothetical, allows others to enforce the stigmas that such a role entails, through, for example, infantilisation, denial of autonomy, and reluctance to treat the individual’s behaviour as worthy of respect, compassion, and mature response. it creates a telos out of addiction under conditions wherein addiction means incarceration (literal or psychiatric), discrimination, ostracisation, everything i just laid out in the first paragraph. it makes addiction into a fundamentally individualist discourse which must therefore have individualist solutions, rather than a complex nexus of social conditions and discourses that we can describe and then fight against.

[mariacallous]

Each of Trump's proposed appointments is a surprise.  It is comforting to think that he is simply a vengeful old man, lashing out this way and that.  This is unlikely.  He and Musk and Putin have been talking for years. And the whole idea of his campaign was that this time he had a plan.

We should be wary of shock, which excuses inaction.  Who could have known?  What could I have done?  If there is a plan, shock is part of the plan.  We have to get through the surprise and the shock to see the design and the risk.  We don't have much time. Nor is outrage the point. Of course we are outraged. But our own reactions can distract is from the larger pattern.

The newspapers address the surprise and the shock by investigating each proposed appointment individually.  And we need this.  With detail comes leverage and power.  But clarity must also come, and quickly.  Each appointment is part of a larger picture.  Taken together, Trump’s candidates constitute an attempt to wreck the American government.  

In historical context we can see this.  There is a history of the modern democratic state.  There is also a history of engineered regime change and deliberate state destruction.  In both histories, five key zones are health, law, administration, defense, and intelligence.  These people, with power over these areas of life, can make America impossible to sustain.

The foundation of modern democratic state is a healthy, long-lived population.  We lived longer in the twentieth century because of hygiene and vaccinations, pioneered by scientists and physicians and then institutionalized by governments.  We treat one another better when we know we have longer lives to lose.  Health is not only the central human good; it enables the peaceful interactions we associate with the rule of law and democracy.  Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., the proposed secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services, would undo all of this.  On his watch, were his ideas implemented, millions of us would die.  Knowing that our lives will be shorter, we become nasty and brutish.

A modern democratic state depends upon the rule of law.  Before anything else is possible, we have to endorse the principle that we are all governed by law, and that our institutions are grounded in law.  This enables a functional government of a specific sort, in which leaders can be regularly replaced by elections.  It allows us to live as free individuals, within a set of rules that we can alter together.  The rule of law depends on people who believe in the spirit of law.  Matt Gaetz, the proposed attorney general, is the opposite of such a person.  It is not just that he flouts law himself, spectacularly and disgustingly.  It is that he embodies lawlessness, and can be counted upon to abuse law to pursue Trump's political opponents.  The end of the rule of law is an essential component of a regime change.

The United States of America exists not only because laws are passed, but because we can expect that these laws will be implemented by civil servants.  We might find bureaucracy annoying; its absence, though, is deadly.  We cannot take the pollution out of the air ourselves, or build the highways ourselves, our write our Social Security checks ourselves.  Without a civil service, the law becomes mere paper, and all that works is the personal connection to the government, which the oligarchs will have, and which the rest of us will not.  This is the engineered helplessness promised by Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy, who are to head a black hole named after a cryptocurrency.  There are already oversight instruments in government.  DOGE is something entirely different: an agency of destruction, run by people who believe that government should exist for the wealthy or not at all.

In a modern democratic state, the armed forces are meant to preserve a healthy, long-lived people from external threats.  This principal has been much abused in American practice.  But never before Donald Trump have we had a president who has presented the purpose of the armed forces as the oppression of Americans.  Trump says that Russia and China are less of a threat than "internal enemies."  In American tradition, members of the armed forces swear an oath to the Constitution.  Trump has indicated that we would prefer "Hitler's generals," which means a personal oath to himself.  Pete Hegseth, Trump's proposed secretary of defense, defends war criminals and displays tattoos associated with white nationalism and Christian nationalism.  He is a fundraiser and television personality, with a complicated sexual past and zero experience running an organization. 

In a world of hostile powers, an intelligence service is indispensable.  Intelligence can be abused, and certainly has been abused.  Yet it is necessary to consider military threats: consider the Biden administration's correct call the Russia was about to invade Ukraine.  It is also necessary to counter the attempts by foreign intelligence agencies, which are constant, to harm American society.  This often involves disinformation.  Tulsi Gabbard, insofar as she is known at all, is known as a spreader of Syrian and Russian disinformation.  She has no relevant experience.  Were she to become director of national intelligence, as Trump proposes, we would lose the trust of our allies, and lose contact with much of what is happening in the world -- just for starters.  We would be vulnerable to all of those who wish to cause us harm.

Imagine that you are a foreign leader who wishes to destroy the United States.  How could you do so?  The easiest way would be to get Americans to do the work themselves, to somehow induce Americans to undo their own health, law, administration, defense, and intelligence.  From this perspective, Trump's proposed appointments -- Kennedy, Jr.; Gaetz; Musk; Ramaswamy; Hegseth; Gabbard -- are perfect instruments.  They combine narcissism, incompetence, corruption, sexual incontinence, personal vulnerability, dangerous convictions, and foreign influence as no group before them has done.  These proposed appointments look like a decapitation strike: destroying the American government from the top, leaving the body politic to rot, and the rest of us to suffer.

I do not defend the status quo. I have no doubt whatsoever that the Department of Defense and the Food and Drug Administration require reform.  But such a reform, of these or other agencies, would have to be guided by people with knowledge and experience, who cared about their country, and who had a vision of improvement.  That is simply not what is happening here.  We are confronted instead with a group of people who, were they to hold the positions they have been assigned, could bring an end to the United States of America. 

It is a mistake to think of these people as flawed.  It is not they will do a bad job in their assigned posts.  It is that they will do a good job using those assigned posts to destroy our country.

However and by whomever this was organized, the intention of these appointments is clear: to create American horror.  Elected officials should see this for what it is.  Senators, regardless of party, should understand that the United States Senate will not outlast the United States, insist on voting, and vote accordingly.  The Supreme Court of the United States will likely be called upon.  Although it is a faint hope, one must venture it anyway: that its justices will understand that the Constitution was not in fact written as the cover story for state destruction.  The Supreme Court will also not outlast the United States.

And citizens, regardless of how they voted, need now to check their attitudes.  This is no longer a post-electoral moment.  It is a pre-catastrophic moment.  Trump voters are caught in the notion that Trump must be doing the right thing if Harris voters are upset.  But Harris voters are upset now because they love their country.  And Harris voters will have to get past the idea that Trump voters should reap what they have sown.  Yes, some of them did vote to burn it all down.  But if it all burns down, we burn too.  It is not easy to speak right now; but if some Republicans wish to, please listen.

Both inside and outside Congress, there will have to be simple defiance, joined with a rhetoric of a better America.  And, at moments at least, there will also have to be alliances among Americans who, though they differ on other matters, would like to see their country endure.

[sorrowful-hyacinth]

Pleasure In Pain

— World Building Background Stuff —

[If anyones curious. Also, some feedback could be fun. If you think I should add anything or if something makes more sense. I don't how in-depth I'll go into certain aspects, but this is what's going on in the world while Cordova's going through it.]

+++

C.A.I.N. – Covert Action Initiative: Nemesis

Codename: Nemesis

Founded: Classified (Estimated post-WWII) Affiliation: Off-the-books division under a multinational intelligence coalition Public Knowledge: Nonexistent

ORIGINS

In the aftermath of World War II, as the world reckoned with the atrocities committed in the name of ideology, another secret war was quietly taking shape. Allied intelligence services uncovered scattered reports of inhuman entities used by opposing forces—ferals unleashed on enemy trenches, witches embedded in spy networks, unnatural "weapons" born of occult science.

Most dismissed these reports as wartime paranoia. But a select few believed.

In 1952, a classified multi-agency task force was assembled to assess and neutralize paranormal threats. Over time, this unit evolved, shedding national ties and becoming a shadow operation run by a closed circle of high-level officials, black-budget scientists, and hardened operatives. They named it Nemesis, after the Greek goddess of vengeance—because they weren’t just hunting monsters. They were returning the favor.

STRUCTURE

Nemesis is structured like an elite black-ops team with intelligence tentacles embedded in governments, corporations, and scientific institutions. Its members operate globally, answer to no one but the directive board (simply called The Bishop), and are equipped with high-tech gear laced with arcane enhancements.

Divisions within Nemesis:

R.A.Z.O.R. Teams – Rapid Assault Zone for Occult Reconnaissance. Strike teams for field missions. Specialists in containment, eradication, and urban extractions.

Deneir Division – Linguists, cryptographers, and occult historians decoding supernatural texts and rituals.

Project Caduceus – The medical and scientific arm, studying supernatural physiology and weaponizing it.

Argos – Digital surveillance network that uses predictive algorithms to track supernatural signatures and activity patterns.

PHILOSOPHY & OPERATING PROCEDURE

Nemesis doesn’t see supernatural beings as "individuals"—they are biological anomalies, glitches in the human genome, or outright predators. Vampires, werewolves, witches—each is categorized and logged as a Class N Entity (Non-Human Entity), with sub-codes indicating danger levels. [Ranging from S - C tier. Ex. Lowest rank: C and Highest rank: SSS]

Despite their elite status, Nemesis agents are trained to dehumanize targets. Their motto: “Precision. Purge. Peace.”

While most missions involve silent takedowns or erasure of supernatural nests, some targets are captured alive for experimentation or intel extraction. Few survive interrogation. Fewer still escape.

TECHNOLOGY & TACTICS

Argentum Rounds – Anti-vampire ammunition laced with silver and anticoagulants that ignite on contact with infected blood.

Null Cages – Energy-dampening containment cells that suppress supernatural abilities.

The Alexandria Index – A secret digital archive containing everything known about supernatural bloodlines, weaknesses, and active threats.

REPUTATION

Among supernatural communities, Nemesis is a ghost story. Whispers of entire clans disappearing overnight, of operatives who bleed ice, of agents who know your name before you’ve ever been seen. The term “Nemesis is watching” is used like a curse or a warning.

They’re not just hunters. They’re the reason supernaturals stay underground.

INTERNAL CONFLICT

In recent years, rumors have circulated that not all within C.A.I.N. agree with The Bishop’s total-extermination policy. Agents questioning the mission, and others going rogue after witnessing the humanity in their so-called enemies.

+++

— The Setting of Cordova’s Story: Sneak Peak —

It’s the year 2020, but to the supernatural, the world has always felt more like the dark ages. For centuries, vampires have walked among humans—misunderstood, feared, and relentlessly hunted. They are not the creatures of myth that creep from coffins or cripple at the taste of garlic. No, vampires are born, not made—afflicted from birth with a rare and ancient blood disorder passed down through generations. Their bodies cannot produce enough blood on their own, leaving them in a constant state of deficiency. Their only option is to consume the blood of others to survive. It is not a choice. It is biology.

Still, society brands them monsters. Humanity’s fear has long eclipsed its compassion. Legends twisted science into superstition, and facts were buried beneath folklore. The line between what is necessary for survival and what is called evil blurred long ago.

Among the vampires also lies the Ferals—tragic, horrifying echoes of what happens when a vampire is pushed too far. Either born with aggressive mutations or starved to the edge of madness, Ferals are what humanity imagines all vampires to be: bloodthirsty, mindless, violent. C.A.I.N uses them as proof that no vampire is safe. That all of them are simply waiting to snap.

The Ardeleans. An old family of vampires of many generations. Considered royalty in their circles, though clearly not in the eyes of the human world. And as tradition states, a vampire that reaches the age of maturity is meant to suck the blood of their first human as an initiation. Though, there is a certain heir that is reluctant to follow traditions. Long overdue for his first dose of human blood. One that comes from both vampire and human origins. A Dhampir.

+++

Date: April 17, 2025

Taglist: @turn-the-tables-on-them

[cassyapper]

So I have been going over the stands of the series in my head, trying to see if any of them show even a little of the same amount of sentience that sex pistols have, at first I thought of the Requiem stands, but in Silver chariot requiem acts less like a sentient being more like a machine on autopilot that can't be stopped.

We have more hope with GER, since it canonically can and will withhold information about itself from Giorno (like the infinite death loop)

Hell even Giorno looks at GER like "What the hell did you do???"

But sadly we don't have enough screentime for GER to measure its level of sentience but that's still something and with SCR we know that sentience in stands doesn't come with requiem, ger is just weird /aff

So at this point I was at a loss, the closest I could find to a sentient stands doesn't even reach sex pistols level of sentience WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH STAND HUH MISTA???

BUT BUT

Then I remembered this fucker

Anubis from part 3!!

I mean it being able to still live on after the DEATH of its user (and not be stuck in autopilot mood unlike notorious B.I.G) and then independently following DIO?? (that's so fucking funny to me though, I desperately need to know how the hell did DIO find a sword, found out it's actually a stand possessed sword and let it join his club odjjfjkdfj)

But yeah! Anubis shares the same level of sentience as the sex pistols! I mean we don't know if it likes eating but they can eat if they're possessing a human

That's still pretty huge! So I started to try and link anything between sex pistols and Anubis to see if there're any patterns to what make a stand sentient (besides the mental/soul state of the user)

Now that was pretty hard, but I think they both share attachments to material things in the world

For Anubis, it's literally possessing an actual sword that can help it possess others, the sword is an actual real life sword that can be seen by regular humans, the actual stand is bound to it. Perhaps, and this is just a theory, before the death of its user Anubis could possess any sword and that was simply its power with having its user the one it is bound to, but after the user's death Anubis was now bound to just one sword while being able to live on

Now the pistols don't actually possess anything nor anyone (hell they don't really need guns nor bullets since they can use anything small enough to make into projectiles they can control) but it is the easiest for them to use (both for Mista and sex pistols) so I could see them grow an attachment to the revolver

Ofc not anything as extreme as Anubis

That's why I firmly believe that the sex pistols could be an independent stand and that they would still be alive even if Mista dies (which is pretty fuckin sad oh god)

(that also explains how the hell five was able to stop Prosciutto's shots to Mista's head in the grateful dead arc even though I'm pretty sure Mista was barely conscious)

holy shit ur spitting here dude. oh my god i never would have even thought of anubis but ur so right. ur so so right

the only other stands that i think come close to sex pistols in terms of sentience, even if not independence, might be spice girls (can talk and converse w trish even if she cant guide her/make independent decisions) and echoes (particularly act 3 but again, he's not independent like the sex pistols are) but honestly ur absolutely absolutely absolutely spot on with the anubis comparison for the independence AND sentience aspect. like holy shit. the thought of them living on as a revolver's bullets after mista dies... oh that's so sad but there's a lot of potential there me thinks if anyone wanted to make a jojo oc or fan part

but honestly other than that i have nothing to add like this genius

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: what bad habit(s) are you struggling with? what happens when you drop your bad habit(s)? what to keep in mind as you break your bad habit(s)?

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: what is the energy that surrounds you and how can you best protect your energy?

return to the masterlist of pap/pac posts

paid reading options: astrology menu & cartomancy menu

enjoy my work? help me continue creating by tipping on ko-fi or paypal. your support keeps the magic alive!

pile one

procrastination. i have the feeling that you have a lot of goals and hopes that end up being "broken" or "abandoned" dreams. you likely try to take on too much all at once - you likely have the bad habit of start a lot of tasks but then not finishing anything. this likely causes you frustration because of the lack of progress you see leads to you feeling uninspired. then you start procrastinating on your goals and hopes - its a vicious cycle that you are in.

when you free yourself from procrastination, you will have hope once more. you'll turn a corner and start making dreams into reality - you'll stop mourning what could have been and instead see the possibility of what could be. right now you seem to be focusing on projects that are only half finished - if you focus on one project, determine how you can finish it, and then finish it - you will gain your momentum back.

as you face your procrastination know that you are intelligent and wise. you can make decisions and plans that will make these projects worthwhile. use logic instead of emotions you are likely thinking too much about what others will think/feel and no enough about the logistics of how you can get the project done.

pile two

projection, double-standards, and self-deception. i get the sense that you are struggling to see things as they truly are. you likely are in a holding pattern - it all feels the same because you aren't doing anything different. you must do internal work and break cycles in order to see progress. you have the ability to adapt and evolve, you simply need to allow yourself to do so. i sense there is some self-deception going on as well - i have a feeling that you are judging others inconsistencies and irregularities without evaluating your own. it's scary to confront the lies you tell yourself, the fear you feel, and what you feel ashamed of in your life at this moment in time - but it is time you do so. its time to reconnect with your inner self and be vulnerable. you aren't perfect and that is okay but it is not okay to not evolve and expect others to be perfect and change for you.

when you stop struggling with these inconsistencies between wanting others to be perfect and being unwilling to grow and change yourself, you will see that the universe is presenting you with new opportunities. in relationships, you won't be worrying that you can't find a romance like the one you perviously experienced, instead you will be looking forward to the possibilities of the future. you also won't be as afraid to share who you truly are with others. you could get a new job because you won't be as afraid to admit that the one you are currently in is not for you - you'll be more willing to take a risk and do things you perviously feared others would judge you for.

as you work on limiting behaviors and high expectations without the willingness to change yourself, remember that you to have the power to change. you can't expect others to change for you without being willing to change yourself. take risks you wouldn't normally take - stand up for what you believe in without worrying what others will think. don't be afraid to seek advice from others as you work on this aspect of your life.

pile three

accepting/making false-promises. i have a feeling that you have a bad habit of making promises/deals with strings attached. look at your own intentions as well as those you are involved with - i have a feeling you don't do that often and it only leads you or others getting hurt. if you only do things because it is to your benefit, it is time you self evaluate. you might be a bit too greedy and you might need to be more willing to give your time, money, and/or energy without expecting something in return. or you might be too giving - evaluate why you feel the need to give knowingly to those who wouldn't do the same for you.

when you stop making promises and deals with strings attached, you can start focusing on what you can control in this chaotic world. you have the tendency of thinking that you can control everything and everyone around you and that just is not true - no one has to do what they promise and when you realize that, you will be better in control of your life situation because you will be taking attention in your own life instead of waiting for others to help you or you doing things for others instead of doing things for yourself.

keep in mind while you stop waiting for others to keep there false-promises, that you have yet to make your dreams reality. i sense you are the trickiest of the piles - you are set in your belief that you need others or even the universe to bring you what you want instead of going after it yourself. you might need to take a minute and think about what you truly want but then you certainly have the ability to go after it - so do it.

[decayflux-protocol]

Hello, we have a question because we are really confused regarding our own system. If you don't feel comfortable answering, then feel free not to! Seriously, it's not your responsibility :)

We *think* we have parts that are or at least seem very similar to sub/sidesystems... but to our knowledge we've never gone through anything like ICT or OA..

We're so confused and a bit frightened by this information.. and we just don't know what to do since we currently don't have a therapist...

Do you have any advice or anything you could shed light on? /gen

Again, no worries if you feel you shouldn't/cant respond! Regardless, have a wonderful week :)

- @sovereignsystem

First of all, thanks for asking for consent for this question! /gen

Secondly, as far as we are aware, sub- and side-systems uniquely occur in RAMCOA systems. So, while our take is solely based on OA or ICT, it's possible to "gain" these types of systems through Ritual Abuse (RA) or MC (Mind Control) too. Especially MC is a big factor in the "making" of such systems.

As such, answering your question: It could be a lot. It could either be that you're not remembering the trauma that made this type of sub- or side-system (we didn't remember a lot until we specifically stumbled upon content that resonated with us), or it could be a combination of anything regarding RAMCOA. Of course, and while I don't like saying this, you could also simply misinterpret the signs and actually not have any of those systems.

However, here's a little list that always helps us decipher whether it's a sub-, sidesystem, or "simply a new(ly discovered) part":

Specifically for side-systems:

Is it a group of alters? (At least 2.)

Is it somehow shut off from the "main system"? (I.e. different type(s) of amnesia, "physically" shut off in the inner world, etc.)

Do you see a pattern? (I.e. fictives of one source, a certain type of protectors, persecutors, or maybe a similar trigger or trauma?)

Specifically for subsystems:

Is it a group of alters but they feel very similar? (I.e. "John" but with "flavours")

Is it somehow shut off from the "main system"? (We're talking about a closely knit group of alters here, not "just different amnesia".)

The reason for these questions are basically the origin of these types of systems:

Subsystems are basically "an alter has alters"/OSDD inside of DID. One alter has split multiple "states of self" and as such classifies as having their own system inside of the system they're in.

Side-systems are basically systems shut off from the main system. This isn't always necessarily physical, but it can be. It means that they are still technically part of the main system, but certain factors cut them off (such as amnesia, hierarchy, structure).

Unfortunately, this is all information coined and experienced by the system community as scientific research is still in its baby shoes regarding dissociative disorders. However, that doesn't make these experiences any less real.

I hope I could help! -Fiona, Admin