#also i hope you see how much i love using commas to emphasize my weird ass dramatic pauses which i cant do in tags

[theunconcernedembalmer]

hhello this is mun of ask cynical green friends and i just (sob) please never stop writinf people cute tags your reblog made my day

Hi!!! Below is a long ramble of how much I love yall even if Aesop doesn’t and everyone knows how much mun talks in the tags and here in general so to avoid the clutter I just hid it all under here. 

Tl;dr: Thank you for supporting my blog and I’m so glad that I’m able to spread the love back around ^^ :3

Is it time for mun to insert herself here HAHAHAH BUT YES thank you so much for visiting my blog. I’ve done ask blogs in the past and most of them died cos ppl stopped caring OOPS but this is the most active and interactive and welcoming fandom I’ve stepped into (or made an ask blog for) and I’m so so glad I did, I got to meet so many wonderful people. 

I MISSED MY POINT OK SO THE POINT IS I’ve been ghosting around for a bit before I made this blog so I actually,,,, knew,,,, and saw a lot of these blogs as SENPAIS (I was going to list a few but it was going to get long because I didn’t want to leave anyone out -which I will lmao there’s so many- and I was going to write a long ass comment for each of them on what I love about their blog asdsjalfdfg ITS GONNA BE WAY TOO LONG BUT KNOW THAT I,, LOVE,,) AND omg I got sidetracked again POINT IS when I see all these familiar urls following this lil blog and liking my lil posts I just,,,, explodinate,,,, senpais have noticed me,,,,,,,,,,, im cri,,,,,,

Ok,,, ok,,, i forgot what i was gonna say,,,, I still can’t believe so many senpais noticed me its overwhelming, and being an awkward shy bean im,, so honoured…. Truly….. Cries… UHHHH OH YA SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO @ask-cynical-green-friends SINCE THEY BE HERE can I just say in case you haven’t realized UR ONE OF MY SENPAIS HAIIIIIII ya ok ((im taking a long and hard guess at who the mun is… squints into the distance… but im normally very bad with guesses so never mind :,,,D)) so like my reblog right,,,,, you know how you see something for what it’s worth and in your head you have like a 5 page essay (or somewhere close) on how incredibly exquisite and captivating it is but when it comes out of your monkey mouth its like Art,,, Gud,,, YA OK THATS HOW I FELT WHEN TYPING IN THE TAGS also i did it during lecture LOL LMAO really there’s a lot I admire your blog for your fun replies and how well you interact with other blogs!! Really though I get the feeling that everyone loves you (AND SO DO I LESS THAN THREE) and its just heartwarming to see all that on your blog. ALSO the art ok I’ve said it before but the art,,, I feel like the brush that you use really helps to define your style (WHICH IS AMAZING BTW NEVER STOP) and I T  S O F T,,, I feel like the brush really brings out the distinctiveness of your style like it’s on the sketchy side, like a very refined single line sketch does it make sense, which I love which I feel makes the shading blend into the drawings very well. The choice of colours,,, add to the softness around the sharper lines that you use. I personally don’t like green but the shades you use,,,, I like,,, and hhhhhhhhhHHHHH MONKEY MOUTH PLS IM TRYING TO EXPRESS MY ADORATION FOR THIS BLOG THAT IVE LURKED ON FOR A WHILE 

I really,,, talk a lot ahahaha,,,, I like how you can see how I got less and less coherent over this readmore HAHAHAH BUT YES OK I love all of yall ok ok

Also since I did this for this lovely and absolutely amazing blog which I love and adore very very much I would also like to do it for other blogs that I’ve probably ghosted and quietly admired (you have no idea how long it took me to find the courage to set up this blog so I was really ghosting all over the fandom here). SO!! Like I said in my tl;dr, drop me a

Again thank you so much for taking time to visit my humble blog and to read all the things I have to say and I really really really am thankful to all of you who helps me keep torturing Aesop this blog alive

[fantroll-purgatory]

@47098

Hi again! You guys helped me a lot with my trolls, and you helped me a bit with her already, but if it’s alright I’d like another review! 

Name: Cris Wright 

Is this a reference to Phoenix Wright or do you just like the name? Hehe. I would almost recommend changing the surname to Binyot as a reference to Vinny Vinesauce, a really famous game corrupter, but… since I don’t know your reasoning behind this name, and human kid names tend to have less rhyme and reason, I will Approve It.

Age: 14 (or the equivalent of about 6.9 sweeps)

Weapon: Grappling hook!

As cool as that is, I think maybe hammerkind or scrapkind would work best for her, as a reference to her interests? It seems a lot more likely that she’d be carrying around her bangin’ hammer, or a piece of sharp scrap that she could kick ass with. Unless she utilized the grappling hook to get away from the beast in her home? But it doesn’t sound very useful to use a grappling hook inside a house… I guess I’d need more context LOL.

Inventory: Looks like an old point and click adventure game’s inventory system? Also it keeps track of her health. It has the possibility of getting ‘corrupted,’ but I’m not sure how it would get corrupted.

Since she’s a heart player, maybe it could get corrupted by giving her Way More Lives. Just hearts going all off the screen. Especially if she gets god-tiered in a really unorthodox way that could result in glitching. 

Symbol: Missingno’s ghost version, colored green to match her glasses/ eyes! It matches both her love for video games and is sort of similar to how the events of her story play out. Thank you guys for the suggestion, back when!

Oh I’m glad it was helpful! 

Handle: screapmetalMaster [SM] - screapmetal is for her scrap metal sculptures and her inability to type well. Master is because of her false confidence and bravado. 

Quirk: types in all lowervase and often makes extremely easy to fix typos because she types extremely fast and doesnt check her spelling before pressing send and makes herself look like a complete dumbasss 

FUCK i mean lowercase, also dumbass should ujust have like two s

JUST FUCK 

(uses capitals to emphasize words, mostly curse words, and corrects herself using said curse words. Often makes typos in the correction as well. Doesn’t use commas or apostrophes,  most of the time, and doesn’t capitalize names.)

Haha I love that, it’s a really simple and effective way to communicate her tendency towards haste. I think it makes sense that she’d be in a rush for a lot of reasons, not the least of which including her… lusus.

Lusus: Keeping this in because she sort of… does have one? A big beast in her home that chases her around that acted a bit like a parent when she was a very small baby. The beast is a creature beyond description. When she turned three, the monster kept away before eventually emerging to begin chasing. 

Now I gotta ask… what kind of beast is it? Like you say it’s beyond description, so is it a first guardian or some chaotic sort? Or a spirit? Some sort of cosmic reach around monster projected by a juggalo? Weird stuff can happen in Homestuck so I’d not be too surprised by any of these options. 

Personality: 

Excitable, self-loathing.

Extremely excitable, as in she gets EXTREMELY EXCITED over things she is interested in. She hates sitting still, preferring to wander around aimlessly even if she has seen everything before. She has a hard time connecting to people, but if she does she will ride or die with them. She has a hard time believing anyone really likes her, but still tires her best to be what she considers likable. She doesn’t know what other people are like, though, so she often isn’t very good at making impressions. Every mistake is just another reason to hate herself, but she never lets other people know how she really feels about herself. She absolutely has a phobia of talking about herself, just the thought making her panic. She perceives everyone as being better than her, viewing herself as some kind of cosmic fuck-up that was shoved into the farthest corner of the galaxy to be forgotten.

She is very earnest, seeking ways to do things and enjoying problem solving, but when social interaction comes into play she is completely blank. She has never been around people, so this is to be expected, but it is still almost impossible to speak to others in real life. She has a bigger problem speaking to other humans, as trolls are easier for her to talk to because she relates more to them. 

She has a phobia of being touched, but finds that she is okay when she initiates the touch. 

Ooh, I do like this personality a lot… Being unable to sit still because of how she grew up and this feeling of suffering and this desire for closeness… An inability to connect emotionally and a search for a sense of self, a need to look inside and figure herself out… I also adore that her theme color is green, because it feels like a nice nod to the doom aspect, which feels pretty connected to her too. 

I think you should focus a little more on her desire to build a cohesive identity. You mention her outward confidence/calling herself a master, so maybe make her someone who is a bit of a compulsive liar. Who tries to overstate who she is and what she is capable of, because that’s what she thinks people want to hear, and she wants to present this cohesive outward identity to try to find a sort of stability within herself. 

Interests:

Turning scrap metal into very scraggly, usually sharp sculptures. She basically puts a pile of scrap down and hits it with a hammer. 

Video games, or more specifically fucking up the game’s coding to make weird things happen. 

Programming (In a broad sense)

“in a broad sense” made me laugh. My favorite thing people do is organizing game menu items in a particular code sequence to make events happen in speedruns. Would she do that sort of thing? 

Adventure (in a “i want to see everything and mess it up!” way instead of an “i want to explore the world!” kind of way) 

Maybe you should have her have like, a youtube channel or something of the short where she shows off her glitch fun to try to give herself an ego boost. 

Title: Mage (??) of Heart 

I’m… tempted to make her a Knight of Heart. I know Maroux is a knight, but Maroux’s a troll and Cris is a human, so that should be fine yeah? It just seems like she has a lot of need to self-focus and work on who she is and learn to be confident in herself and her abilities and her identity.

Land: CORRIDORS and SCRAP 

Essentially leaving what she used to have and being thrown back into it, like the universe is telling her that she can never leave what she was born into. (if that makes sense)

Oh that’d be so stressful for her but you’re very right about it being a good idea. It would create a quest that forces her to work on self reflection and exploration instead of an examination of the world around her.

Dream Planet: Derse 

For sure fitting!

thank you guys again!

Always happy to help! Thank you for sharing another wonderful character. Here’s the design notes:

So I really didn’t have much to edit here. I moved her face down to match the style’s proportions better, including moving the hairline down. I made the jacket a uniform color to preserve simplicity. And I added shoes (edited from fan-troll’s) because I feel like if she needs to run it’s a good idea for her to have some reliable running shoes. Unless she wears socks because she needs to sneak? But even then working with a ton of sharp metal scrap while shoeless seems foolish.

She’s a great character! I hope this helps!

-CD

[shouldering-space]

Listen, I’m just getting my theory on so I’m going to list all the junk I noticed in the bio inc video today...

I can’t put it together very well yet, so just some little things I noticed that could mean something, but maybe not.

 Anti claims to have been running the channel this entire time so we can infer that before Schneep came in, “Jack” was really just Anti acting. But why would he choose to “save” Jack? He could of played off killing him as a joke.

“Jack” ran off camera due to seeming sick. Was that because Schneep was taking control, a fight for control between Anti and the doctor, or was it actually Jack getting sick just like his character in the game?

 We’ve only really seen Schneep (i really cant spell his name im sorry) kill his patients before. In the description of Bio. Inc. Redemption #4 it even says that he is a “true doctor of death” so why is he suddenly saving Jack of all people. I mean sure he tried to save Peter (peetahhh) because it seemed like he genuinely liked him/his accounting skills, but in the same episode he refers to Jack (that last guy) as a sham and a travesty, but in the new episode he’s desperate to save Jack and calls him his friend many times.

In the beginning of the video Schneep puts his mask on saying that we “can’t see his beautiful face” but takes it off soon after and later removes his hat. He also complains about the heat, what’s making him so hot (bow chikka bow wow) is it Anti? Is he removing everything because Anti is taking back control?

 Schneep says that Jack is sometimes one person sometimes a completely different person, Anti is mostly known as the complete opposite to Jack. But the way it’s worded kind of makes it sound like Schneep wasn’t under the impression that he’d been talking to Anti. Maybe he never actually knew that Anti got control in October and was fooled just like we were. Or maybe he was talking to Jack and the “mood swings” were just the other egos showing through, but if that’s how it works then how would Schneep be able to talk to Jack at all? It’s an interesting line that I would love to examine more.

“I am a very smart doctor, as you all know. I saved Peter from the brink...” or “I am a very smart doctor. As you all know, I saved Peter from the brink...” The comma is pretty important to me because as far as we have seen Peter is dead. In the Dr. Septiceye Power Hour Schneep clearly lost Peter while operating and in bio inc #4 he said that Peter was “long dead and buried” Now with the comma in the second position shown it implies that we all were aware that Peter is not dead which a major theory I have could explain which is that I don’t think that was Schneep at all. The whole time it could have been Anti which could explain this particular line and how such an obvious mistake could be made, it feels very intentional as well. Showing the doctor failing would definitely give Anti the attention he needs which is why I really don’t think that was Schneep. I could really go more into this and bring in the glasses, the costume, the accent, the missed pronunciations, and other changes but i dont really want to flood this post TOO much.

“I saved my very good friend, Chase. Chase Brody. He went back, he saw his family. Did they take him back? We may never know.” This is another big flashing light line, First of all because we don’t know HOW Schneep saved him. Did he save him from the “suicide” he had at the end of the bro average video, from Jack’s play of bio inc #2, or from something else like an attack from Anti? If this is the doctor talking then should we infer that Chase is dead, like Peter and Schneep has just altered his memories? Is Chase’s family dead as well then? Also it’s important to point out that it’s his “very good friend” Chase just like his “friend” Jack, it’s pretty interesting to think when paired with point #5. And then if we consider that it ISN’T Schneep and it’s Anti then maybe we should assume that Chase is dead or “gone forever” because of the whole “we may never know” bit.

A big thing I noticed was all of the mispronounced words in the video. At first I thought it was just Jack having some trouble because there’s a bunch of weird medical terms, but then at 4:48 it got a bit weird. First of all the way he said “blood clots” was really strange, maybe that was just him trying to do the accent or maybe it was just a weird tongue slip, but it seemed kind of deliberate, it might have been to show the doctor getting infected by Anti as well. And then right after he VERY deliberately and clearly says that they needed to be treated with “antiCOLGATE” (anticoagulants) Now first of all it has Anti straight up in the name so it seems a bit weird that Jack would mess up the word so much, but then it gets weirder because later in the video he says the word correctly. That whole situation feels sketchy to me especially because I don’t know what it implies.Possibly that he only pronounces the word right later because Anti can and Anti is taking back control? He also says that the anticoagulants are the ONLY way to prescribe victory in the face of certain doom which can further imply that Schneep isn’t in this video.

Schneep claims that he is the only way to deal with things in your body that want to destroy you. So that one felt pretty obvious for why he is the first ego that we actually see Anti target, but it also implies that Chase did not turn evil as we previously thought because then Schneep would have “dealt” with him and not saved him wouldn’t he?

The whole I feel it in my own arm bit also implies that as Jack gets hurt Schneep gets hurt and that the game did actually kill Jack in the end. But it also implies that Schneep IS in the same body as the others, but it really confuses me how Jack had “mood swings” if Schneep was IN his head becoming friends with him, wouldn’t Schneep have caught on to what was happening, if so, why didn’t he act sooner to save Jack?

Listen, I’m not saying that the glitches after “I hear your heart, it beat for me. It beat for Schneep.” Were Anti saying it beats for him instead buttttt..... or maybe it was just Anti saying the heart beat was his but I like the first option.

“I will not have you die. Not again. I will not lose you.” So does this mean that Jack came back after Anti killed him last October? Was it a resuscitation kind of thing or maybe it’s impossible for an ego to die hence Chase’s possible survival. I do remember Jack mentioning somewhere that he thinks of Jack as an ego and that the real him is Seán.

“Tell me what to do” Why would Schneep think that Jack knows what to do? It could just be a tell me whats wrong and i’ll fix it kind of thing but maybe not.

“I need your help! Save him!” This was interesting to me because Schneep probably knows that we wouldn’t be able to help since the video wouldn’t be uploaded in real time so maybe he means that we still have time and need to save Jack before whatever goes on tomorrow.

Also it’s interesting that Schneep resisted the attempt Anti made to make him strangle himself whereas Jack succumbed to slitting his throat in the end, though Anti was pushing for like a whole month sooo.

The voice doubled at the line “I’m trying my best” made it sound like both Schneep and Anti were trying their hardest to complete opposite goals, I don’t really have a theory, I just thought that was a cool detail.

Anti saying they all follow him is weird too because if that was Schneep then he was clearly pretty against Anti and Jack also wasn’t very keen in October, maybe Anti is referring to someone other than the egos when he says that.

I don’t think we’ve seen Anti curse yet or at least in a way THAT emphasized which tells us that he is pretty pissed off at us and probably the egos against him too.

Also he referred to Schneep in the past tense (thought) so either Anti is confident that Schneep lost hope or more likely Schneep is dead/unavailable right now.

“That doctor thought he could save him but he was mine.” So was Anti mad because Schneep was messing with something he, in a sense, claimed?

“He was weak just like the rest of them.” Of the egos? Are they all down right now?

He calls us powerless but doesn’t he get power off of our attention? If we went away, wouldn’t Anti go away too?

Are we his puppets or the egos or...??

“There are no strings on me” there are a lot of things that line could mean but im also pretty tired and hopped up on some medicine so i don’t really have the motivation to go through a bunch of those theories.

Favorite boy.... Chase? Schneep? Jack? Seán? Anti? Jackieboy Man? Marvin? One of Jack’s friends? I don’t know about you guys but im pretty sure he means Jack. and i am excited even though i once again will be gone for a while and might see the video late.

Hope if anyone actually read all of this they enjoyed. I haven’t really read many other people’s theories so if any of these sound copied please tell me and I can delete it or credit them or whatever needs to happen. Happy Theorizing Friends.

[knightofbalance-13]

Re:RWBY Chapter 2 “Review”

http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/22649114

Remember that stupid little project that’s said to be a passion project but the writer out right insulted the original writing staff and blocked their only critic? Well, I’mma gonna point out every single flaw in each part of Re:RWBY for my followers. I would do this for the author but they've made it clear they don't want my opinion by blocking me so sucks to be them: I’m never directly criticizing them ever again.

So let’s begin:

The kind of view you could only get up close.

See, the reason here is that if this was said by a person, the weird dialogue here would be excused as a part of human speech pattern but since it’s narration, it sticks out like a sore thumb. What works as a character talking does NOT work as narration. It’s also a sentence fragement that, again, only works with casual dialogue, NOT narration.

That guy’s got a flaming staff!

See, this normally wouldn’t be a problem...but the author directly took an almost exact line from the original and decried it. So apparently they’re allowed to get away with this but the original writing staff isn’t. Hypocrisy people: it kills the enjoyment of a story. Also, the lack of a chibi Ruby makes this scene

“Just weapons?” she exclaimed in disbelief, “They’re an extension of ourselves! They’re part of our very being, and they’re really cool!”

See, this is a problem with the written style of Re:RWBY: What works in the original show does not always translate well to written form directly. This line is emphasized by the sheer emotion and speech that Ruby shows in the original. Here, it loses the charm. You’d need to be way more description to make this funny or charming.

That’s pretty deep of you.” Yang remarked with a smile. She had heard this a hundred times before.

Why is Yang saying it’s deep of her if she’s heard it so many times? had you said that Yang rolled her eyes and then smiled then it would show exhaustion on her end and thus be funny but now it’s just boring and awkward.

“Like you’re always up in people's’ faces, and Ember Celica’s all about aggression! And then you know, Dad’s not very confrontational so he’s got his whole thing, and me, well…”

Mind telling us about how Ember Celica is all about aggression because you didn’t write the trailers so for all we know, Ember Celcia is all about defense. I know that’s nitpicky but if they’re not going to be fair, I see no reason to be myself.

Also, rwde posters criticized miles for being vague...so this person just decides to be as vague as possible with Taiyang’s weapon. Yeah, even though I love Taiyang to death, that will not save this person from my knife.

“Are completely over-the-top and rip off your heroes?”

Yang’s brutal but that was just uncalled for, aswell as rather OOC for her. Goody, this writer can’t keep an already established character consistant, something any fanfic author worth their weight in ink learns day 1.

“Hey!” she said defiantly, “I love Crescent Rose for what she is, I just happen to appreciate certain amazing weapons as a base.” “So, you copied Uncle Qrow’s gimmick.” “Shh!” she hushed Yang with a pout. It didn’t exactly help that she hit the nail on the head with that comment. “I just love seeing new weapons, okay? It’s a lot like meeting new people, only better.”

Yeah, see the scene in the original worked better as it flowed faster into Ruby’s social awkwardness and made her more adorable. We also say Runy looking away from Yang, emphasizing this. Here, this is not the case.

“Actually, my friends are here. I should really catch up. You’ll do great! Just wander around and find some people! I’ll see you soon!” Yang sprinted off towards the older students who had arrived together with peers their own age. “But Yang!” “Bye!” she shouted, and melded into her circle of friends. It left Ruby rather dejected.

yeah, again this fails because Yang was talking really fast, zooming around with shadow people as friends and zooming away really quickly, leaving Ruby visibly dazed and confused with really wacky music playing in the background. All of these factors catch the viewer by surprise and thus make it funny. Here, it’s dull, flat and emotionless. And yes, it is possible to translate this to writing. Easily. Watch.

“Actually...” Yang drawled out, fiddling with her hair. All of a sudden, several people zoomed out of seemingly nowhere, the force of the movement sending Ruby into a spin, making her resemble a black and red top.

“Myfriendsarealreadyhere, Ishouldcatchupwiththem.You’lldogreat,wanderaroundandmeetsomepeopel. ‘kaybye!’ Yang rattled off quickly, zipping away so fast all she could make out was the dark sillouhtte of Yang’s friends, leaving her older sisters words to rattle around the poor girl’s skull as she desperately tried to get the world to stop spinning

“But Yang!-” She cried out, her rotations pettering out much like her hopes for the day

See? I managed to do it, keep it closer to the original and keep it funny. And it took me about thirty seconds. Not hard, at all.

“Where are we even supposed to go…?” she wondered aloud in a hushed whine. Did she have to worry about dorms? Did the school even have dorms? Well of course they had to, otherwise where would they live? She still had no idea where to find them or who to report to for a room key or even the names of anyone else in the huge place! “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Yeah, this was much funnier in the original as ruby said all of these in a paniced squeak, not a hushed whine. Also, the middle part was said not narrated, adding to the hilarity. Narration should only be used as an addition, NOT a substitute.

“This is Dust! It’s all Dust! Mined and purified straight from the finest Schnee quarries! Do you even know what the market price is for a mere ounce of this?” Little did she realize the powder spilled into the air with each reckless movement. “Uuhhhh…” Ruby sniffled. "What are you, brain-dead?" She slammed the case she held shut and dropped it back on the luggage cart. “Dust! Only the best Dust there is! You’re not gonna find a better producer on the planet and you’re out here knocking it around!” "Right, I... I know..." Ruby coughed and pulled her sleeve over her nose. “Are you even listening to me? Is any of this sinking in? What do you have to say for yourself?!"

Ah see here, the thing is this dialogue paints Weiss as your stereotypical rich girl and while she did have a few shades of it in the original, it was only her attitude that was this, not her dialogue hinting that there is more to her. So in essence: Weiss’ first lines are OOC.

Ruby, who had received enough Dust to the face by that point, finally sneezed one of the greatest sneezes of her life. The force of it blew the volatile Dust particles right back at the girl, where they ignited in a large but otherwise harmless explosion. It left her flawless white dress and fair skin covered in black soot. She began to dust it off and barely contained her rage.

Thing is: There are times to take liberty with the source material and thus you could have said that it created a crater ike it was intended in the original. But by sticking to it (for once) you’ve limited your self and contradicted your writing (”large but otherwise harmless?” me thinks this person doesn’t understand how explosions work.)

“Heiress. It’s heiress, actually,” announced a voice from afar. Both girls turned to see a dark-skinned young woman walk towards them. Silky black hair bounced with each step along with an oversized bow atop her head. “Weiss Schnee, heiress to the Schnee Dust Company” she said plainly. “Finally,” Weiss smiled smugly, “some recognition!” “One of the largest Dust producers in the world, hailing all the way from Atlas.” “Precisely.” The new girl shrugged and closed her eyes nonchalantly. “The same company infamous for its controversial labor forces and questionable business partners, not to mention the dangerous implications of a Dust monopoly on the world economy.” "Wha- How dare you- The nerve of... Ugh!”

One : Blake was pissed off in her second line, drawing a connectionto her disdain for Weiss. Now it seems like she’s just stating facts.

Two: They put the fuming after this but she starts getting angry immediately and thus should have been connected to the last line. This is basic writing technique and the author fucked it all up.

Weiss began to fume, which made Ruby chuckle. The black-haired girl offered her hand, when her tights-covered legs came into view, Ruby took it, hoisted to her feet by some hefty upper body strength. In contrast to Weiss, Blake boasted incredible height, and in contrast to Yang, all of her muscle came in toned, smooth arms.

That’s a pretty damn sexual description of Blake for an asexual like Ruby who is confirmed to not think about sex. Great, OOC and forced lesbianism. Wonderful. Would have worked if this were an AU but nope, this is meant to be a novelixation of RWBY so this is a problem. Also, “The black-haired girl offered her hand, when her tights-covered legs came into view, Ruby took it, hoisted to her feet by some hefty upper body strength” ? Couldn’t just leave out the comma? The line feels clumsy and awkward and unlike the writing staff of RWBY (specifically Miles) who was just starting out on the show, the author boasts being a better writer...despite amateur screw ups that my thirteen self would cringe at.

The rich girl scowled and snapped her fingers. A couple of servants came and collected the suitcases on the ground. She walked alongside her luggage cart as her servants rolled it off, but her thousand-yard grouchy stare stuck to the black-clad girl the whole time.

Problem: Weiss is never seen with any servants at Beacon and never mentions anything and wants to distance herself from her father. So this is still pretty damn OOC for her.

"I promise I'll make this up to you!" Ruby yelled after Weiss. With all said and done, she really did not want to make any enemies. “And thanks for the backup,” she said to the other girl, “guess I’m not the only one having a rough first day…” She turned to what she hoped could flourish into a new friend. “I’m Ruby! What’s your name?” “Oh, uh” she seemed taken aback by the question. “I’m-” “Hey! What did Sneezy get herself into over here?”

yeah, Blake walked awaynin the original encounter which left Ruby alone, making Jaune’s reach out to her all the more noticeable and making an immediate bond with her. But seeing as the author barely tolerates him, I guess I should be thankful they didn’ t ax him immediately.

Also: Sneezy? Nowhere near as funny as “Crater Face” which due to length and size is a clear parallel to “Vomit Boy” and also I assume this is a reference to Sneezy from Snow White? Yeah, wrong character: Ruby’s red Riding Hood so the reference is a screw up.

“Do they?” Asked the black-haired girl rather flatly. She put a hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow. Ruby noticed a black ribbon wrapped up her forearm.

Blake go away! You’re intruding on the best damn relationship in the show! And no I don’t mean romatically but Ruby and Jaune always had this bond with each other that made them really click as they share so much. This also helped Ruby gain some points as jaune is the Audience Surrogate and thus we feel closer to her.

Now it’s just Blake...and Ruby’s delivery with her higher voice is funnier.

“Woah! What’s that?” Ruby interjected again as she spotted what that ribbon attached to; a black rectangular sheath with a sharpened edge strapped to the back of the girl’s waist. “Is that your weapon?” “It’s, uh…” “Is it a gun? A sword? A gun-sword?!” “It’s more of a-” “And is the sheath a sword too? Wow! And that ribbon ties it all together. Is it elastic or something so you can slingshot it around?” “I’d rather just-” “You know,” Jaune cut in, “I have a weapon too.” “Don’t we all?” Ruby asked, and grabbed Crescent Rose from behind her back. She transformed it immediately and slammed the tip of the blade into the ground for balance. The gears and machinations at the base of the curved blade, as well as the Dust cartridge loaded up to the barrel made it impressive for reasons more than its size.

I am bored as shit right now. The gag of Blake trying to introduce herself is not funny, the two with real chemistry aren’t interacting and my patience is nearing it’s end!

“Is that a giant scythe?” Jaune asked, intimidated. “It’s also a customizable, high-impact sniper rifle.” “A…. a what?” “It’s also a gun.” The black-haired girl clarified. Ruby cocked the rifle’s slide to agree. Despite Ruby’s enthusiastic smile, the other girl hardly seemed as dazzled as Jaune. “Isn’t something like that a little dangerous for someone of your…stature?”

Ruined the line. The author ruined one of the most iconic lines in the series. There’s nowhere enough description for the voices to be funny, nowhere near enough build up of awkwardness to come out of nowhere, Blake bogs the scene down and the gun cock comes before the line. All of this makes it dull. The author made RWBY dull!

“Sounds like more of an heirloom to me,” Ruby chuckled. “Well, I like it. Not everyone has an appreciation for the classics. How about you, friend-” To her surprise, the black-haired girl had vanished while they conversed over Jaune’s sword. Not a trace left.

Not enough build up to be funny, don’t know enough of Blake to be meaningful thus she was completely superfluous. Blake was completely pointless, what was her poi-

“Shows concern and then runs off without warning,” Ruby mumbled, “she’d get along great with Yang. Didn’t even get her name!”

Ah, I see. A build up to a dumb joke and not even a good dumb joke and forced Bumbleby ship tease. Great.

"Hmm." Ruby looked around as students dispersed. "Hey, do you know where we’re supposed to go?” "Oh, I don't know! I was following you. Y-You think there might be a directory? Maybe a food court? Some kind of recognizable landmark?” Ruby giggled at the thought of them as two new students completely lost with zero help. Of course her day would end up like this and things would go disastrously badly! “Is, uh... Is that a 'no'?" "Heheh, hah…That's a 'no.'"

Joke falls flat because they haven’t moved a god damn inch, not enough description to be funny anyway and “disastrously badly” ? Really? Two adverbs in a row in narration?! Well, at least it ends as it started: Bad.

I mean it: This is on of the worse novelization of a series I have ever seen and I happen to be a fan of the concept. Not enough description to match the vibrancy of the original, chops up lines and characters until they kill scenes and OOC out the butt. If this is what critics of RWBY think it should be then I’m starting to think that RWBY critics are totally wrong after all. Especially if they are arrogant enough to think THIS is even close to equal to RWBY, let alone above it.

*Holds up a copy of Re:RWBY Chapter 2* Only one thing to do left. *Flings it the air, causing the pages to float down*

SILVER CHARIOT, CUT THIS SHIT TO PIECES *Silver Chariot appears and slashes and stabs all the pages with speed and precision befitting the Stand of Victory. The pages are quickly cut into pieces, then into fragements then into shreds and so on until the chapter is cut beyond repair*

[iamsoneurotic]

All Kinds of 3′s...

I’m not even providing a witty lead up. It’s happening again.

I mean at this point it’s already Facebook official, so the element of surprise is gone. Actually what would have been a great surprise would be to write an entire post and NOT say anything. Then like, on the baby’s third birthday be like “SURPRISE!”... I may still do that. Nobody reads this.

I wanted to work in something about 3 being a charm, but that kind of implies that you screwed up with the first two and THIS will be the child that saves your family from failure, but I’d like to think we’ve done pretty dang good with our first two kids. The mere fact that I was able to keep them alive (edit - not kill them, let’s be honest, mommy keeps them alive, daddy just tries not to drop them too much) proves that first and second times are a charm. I’m very charming.

We’re going to be finding out the gender next week and I don’t really want to emphasize what Rach is hoping for out of fear the child will read this someday and think it’s the equivalent of being a duplicate Happy Meal toy - but it’s pretty obvious what she wants considering we have 2 of one gender and none of the other… She wants a girl. There I said it.

Really, Rach, I still say if it’s a boy and you're disappointed by that, put it in a dress while I’m at work one day and don’t tell anybody. Get it out of your system. Problem solved.

… That part about not telling anybody is very important though. Please don’t tell me.

Anyway - 2018 was always going to be the year of Baby #3. Not that THIS particular instance was the plan, but it would have been right around now anyway. Rachael’s one demand about this post was that I not make any jokes about or references to the conception of the child. So I won’t reference the conception. Not even a little. Absolutely will not talk about how babies are made and how this pregnancy is no different from how most babies are created.

Look at me doing what I’m told like a good husband.

So we found out in June that we’re essentially not going to have our lives back until 2036. It was a weird couple of months because the prior month we had a pregnancy scare which turned out to be just a weird menstrual cycle from some hormone-related pills Rach was taking… I hate the word menstrual almost as much as the word cervix - oh dear lord I’ve used both terms in the same sentence, I’m going to throw up. Shouldn’t ‘lady’ terms be more feminine?? Why can’t they have nice terms for female-related items… Like Vas Deferens, that’s a male-related and highly inoffensive word to the ears. You know what, ladies? You can have that word. It’s not like anyone ever says it anyway. Name a non-med school conversation that you’ve ever had which included the word Vas Deferens. Seriously, we’re not using it, swap it with cervix and let’s move on from ever having to mentally scar our brains with that word ever again.

See, this is the part about pregnancies that I hate the most. It’s not the hormones, it’s not the bills, it’s not the fear of finances… It’s the freaking awful words you have to hear for 9 months straight. Everything is all about mucus and cervixes and uteruses and fetuses and cramping and contractions and I’m fully aware that I’m supposed to be using commas instead of “ands” but I have mom-brain by proxy so I don’t care. That’s the other thing - I’m getting pregnancy symptoms! I’ve heard that this is a real thing that can happen, and it’s finally happening after 3 of these pregnancies. I’m hormonal, on edge, tired, I get headaches, mom-brain, nausea… It’s freaking ridiculous. Don’t even get me going on my baby bump!

In all fairness, this has been a pretty rough pregnancy for Rach. Probably the worst first trimester ever. She’s been incredibly nauseous, cranky, tired… Basically the usual pregnancy symptoms, only cranked to 11. The poor girl is MISERABLE. I feel bad, but at the same time I don’t really like having to be in charge of watching the boys while she naps and recovers. Nobody feels a father’s pain and struggle.

Oh dear, I was talking about menstrual cycles (*shivers*) wasn’t I… I can’t keep a consistent thought to save my life. The point of that was, because we had a scare the month before which ended up being a 10-day late period, we just figured that this was no different and she’d get her period super late again… well it was kind of true, only instead of being a month late, it’s going to be about a year late. The reason I’m posing with 3 pregnancy tests isn’t because we’re going to have 3 kids or because there’s triplets on the way (God willing), it’s because Rach took 3 separate tests because she couldn’t believe it was even a possibility… I obviously can’t go into any further detail than that because I’ve been banned from discussing certain topics by my modest wife.

We’re due February 13th. I feel like this is necessary information to give when posting about a pregnancy. People like that sort of thing. People also like pictures… So here’s the little munchkin:

I should rephrase - not “munchkin”, we’re referring to this baby as our “ Lil’ Lily Pad”... Milo was very unoriginally “Sweet-Pea”, Noli was “Cupcake”, later appropriately changed to “Beefcake”, now we’ve got a Lily Pad. Not really sure what the obsession with naming unborn babies after foods. I often wonder if we as parents subconsciously entertain the idea of cannibalizing things we love. “You’re so cute I could just eat you up!” or “I just want to nibble on those cheeks!”... We’re lost as a society.

So that’s all I got on Baby #3. Now onto Baby #2! Noli’s a 3 year old!!! Yesterday was my little bug’s birthday. Did I talk about how I call him “bug”? I don’t remember... mom-brain by proxy, remember. He was a cuddle bug, so I started calling him Noli-bug, now he’s just Bug. I don’t know why it’s so appropriate for him. There’s just something about that little stocky, squishy body that just screams “little bug”. I feel like he’s destined to be in a gang someday with that name.

Anyway, he’s 3 and I’m just so proud and in love with the little bugger. The boy is a cuddly ray of sunshine. He loves hugging and kissing and saying “I love you”, and we in-turn soak it up like a sponge. He’ll just walk over and sit on you without any warning and nuzzle right up. He’ll put his arm around you, he’ll stop whatever he’s doing at random to look at you and say he loves you, then he’ll kiss you on the hand or on the head. Sometimes he’ll play with your hair or rub your arm… It’s so much adorableness that you literally feel like you’re going to implode with bliss. Rachael says he’s the best little boyfriend she’s ever had… It’s probably true – I hated PDA when we were dating. Now I just sort of wait around corners and in dark shadows and guerrilla-style attack Rachael with hugs and kisses and retreat before she can tell me to stop… Okay, that came off as a little… assault-y? Sorry, but when your wife is pregnant, it’s very difficult to get so much as a high-five. You’re more likely to get slapped and commanded to turn down the thermostat… Which I gladly accept because at least she’s touching me. Why am I talking about this…

As I mentioned in my last post - Noli is still obsessed with Spider-Man. It’s actually gotten worse. We’re at a point now where you literally can’t give him anything without him demanding a Spider-Man version of it. My dad wants to get a boat: “A SPIDEY-BOAT??”. We take the boys for milkshakes: “CAN I HAVE A SPIDEY MILKSHAKE??” (hence he gets strawberry because it’s red, and anything that isn’t red isn’t spider-man… I don’t even think he likes strawberry shakes, but it’s all he’ll accept).

The worst thing you can do for a kid who’s obsessed with something specific like this is buy them one of those ‘surprise’ toys where you don’t know what you’re going to get… You had better pray to God that there’s a Spider-Man toy in there because if it’s Batman we’re all taking a trip to Meltdown Town. I tried to buy him one of those things at the airport. I bought two, one for Noli and one for Milo. I let Noli open the first one, it was Gamora (from Guardians of the Galaxy). Naturally… he was peeved. So without Milo knowing, I let Noli open the second one… It was Venom. Good lord, we were so close!! So he begins his freakout, and I quickly scramble to salvage the situation and tell him it’s “Black Spider-Man”. He called my bluff immediately. Apparently he, like Milo, is now impervious to my lies and deceptions (which I 100% rely on to maintain peace in my home). So what did he do? He ran to mommy and said “Daddy said this is Black Spider-Man… BUT IT’S NOT!”. Rach tells me to stop lying to the kids, Milo doesn’t get to open a toy, Noli is ticked off and somehow I’m now the bad guy for trying to be nice and buying my kids some freaking toys!

Christmas is so cancelled.

Luckily Milo didn’t seem to care all that much. He’s pretty chill about stuff like that. Not picky about his toys, not obsessed with anything in particular except for Math (because he’s an evil genius – yeah, you laugh, but you’ll all remember this blog in 30 years when he conquers a nation through an impressive combination of quantum physics and basic arithmetic). You should hear that boy talk, he’s practically an adult now. I can actually have conversations with him… granted they’re conversations through the mind of a 4 year old, so they go to some weird places, but when I talk to him, it’s almost as though he’s actually listening to me and understanding… Of course that just makes me even angrier when he pretends to not hear me when I tell him to eat, or go potty, or put his shoes on, or clean up his toys, or go to bed, or answer my questions, or stop bossing his brother around, or don’t touch the tv, or don’t touch the garbage, or don’t touch the toilet, or don’t throw your toys, or where did you get that plutonium, or stop building Lego nuclear warheads with it… Basic 4-year old stuff.

I’m still trying to figure out where that red telephone in his bedroom came from.

Sidetracked again. I joke a lot about Milo being insanely intelligent (which, yes, he is), but Noli’s no dummy either. His vocabulary is incredible now and he really just absorbs knowledge like a sponge (I’ve used ‘like a sponge’ twice now in this post). I overhear Milo actually teaching him words and numbers when they play together in the other room… When I say “other room” I’m referring to our living room on the other side of our house. When we’re home, we spend most of our time in the Family Room (TV room? Is that actually the Living Room and the other room is the Family room? I don’t get house things), but on the other side of the house, there’s the Living Room - which Noli refers to as “The Other Room”, but given that he’s 3 and can’t pronounce things terribly well, he says “Dove Room”... Which is just what we call it now, The Dove Room.

I love how he pronounces stuff, he still can’t say his “G” and “K” sounds, so he just replaces them with H’s… So instead of “Okay” it’s “Ohay”, or instead of Kabob it’s “Hobob”... I like Hobob, I feel like I could make a homeless cartoon character named Hobob and make a fortune off of insensitive people like myself. He could exist in the same universe as “Cider-Man”. I’m totally making the “Faux-Vengers”. Copyright Mark Marianelli 2017.

Anyway, I’ve rambled long enough and Rachael always scolds me for making these posts too long, so I’ll end it here…

Noli, you’re what our family has always needed, you give us endless hours of laughter, and the world just seems a little more hopeful with you in it. I love you, I love that you’re here, I’m proud of you and I can’t think of anything more joyous than watching you grow. I can’t wait to see what a wonderful big brother you’ll be soon. Happy Birthday, Little Bug.

Love, ~ Bat-Dad (Yeah, he thinks I’m Batman)