#also i saw someone just subbed to the fic so that person specifically is in for a little treat 👉👈

[rosesradio]

Leo revved up the motorcycle, and Nico let out a slight gasp near Leo's ear, barely audible over the hum of the bike. The son of Hades instinctively wrapped his arms around Leo's waist—loosely, but the with the good motive of not falling off.

Against his better judgment, high from the power under his fingertips, Leo grinned, slightly nodding back to Nico. "You better hold on tight, di Angelo."

To his surprise, Nico complied. His hold tightened, every inch of his torso against Leo's back. His chin jabbed his shoulder. Leo let out a shaky breath, nervous butterflies bubbling within his stomach for the first time since the flight—but not because of the bike.

Chapter 17 of Ceasless Eve is out now !!

[sundrop-writes]

From Your Lips

Jennifer Jareau x Gender Neutral Reader

Summary:

After JJ is attacked by dogs on the Hankle farm, everyone else is busy worrying about Reid’s missing status, but you take the time to check on JJ and try your best to calm her flustered mind.

Jennifer Jareau x Gender Neutral Reader. Established Relationship. Smut, Hurt and Comfort. Set during Season 2, Episode 15.

Word Count: 3,000

Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link

THIS IS A RE-POST. This is a fic from my old blog (a blog that was shadowbanned, forcing me to move). This fic is not stolen, it is completely mine, and I am just re-posting it to help people find my new blog, and to make my masterlist complete when I post new fics for this fandom.

Detailed warnings and author’s notes below the cut.

Warnings: this is set during Season 2, Episode 15 (“Revelations”); warnings for themes/plot points from the canon episode - rabid dogs, mentions of JJ being attacked by dogs, mentions of dogs eating/killing a woman (a random woman who is not named here), animal death - mentions of JJ having to shoot the dogs (killing them) in self defence, gun violence, mentions of Reid being kidnapped (no details of that are discussed in this fic), religious themes (in this fic, religious motifs are used to encourage sexual behaviour - spoken about as though God made us to have sex with each other, not to discourage it as the Christian religion does); symptoms of shock/PTSD - JJ waves a gun in the reader’s face because she’s scared; general emotional angst, mentions of JJ blaming herself for Reid being kidnapped; mentions of blood (from JJ’s injuries); the reader is completely gender neutral - there are no identifying pronouns used for the reader (other than the ‘you’ I generally use for fics) and the reader’s genitals are not described in any specific way; use of Y/N, mentions of a pre-established sexual relationship between JJ and the reader - it could be a friends with benefits situation, it could be secret lovers, it’s never quite specified; JJ is more submissive and the reader is more dominant, but there is no outright dom/sub relationship; the reader calls JJ 'Jay’, 'sweet girl’, 'sweets’, and 'good girl’; using sex to distract from one’s emotional problems; (technically) semi-public sex because they’re in the bathroom where anyone could walk in on them (but they’re not caught by anyone); kissing/heated making-out; the reader fingers JJ; neck biting/marking (JJ receiving); hair-pulling(JJ receiving); praise kink; clothed/mostly clothed sex; I believe that’s everything.

A/N: This was primarily inspired by the picture of JJ on the right. I saw it and I was like 'damn she fine’ but I knew it was from Revelations so I was like 'damn she fine but I know she’s havin a real bad time rn’ - so I did the thing I do best: smut based off emotional trauma. This is basically the scene where Emily comes to talk to her in the bathroom, but replacing Emily with a reader character and then they fuck. Also the title comes from the phrase 'from your lips to God’s ears’ because religious imagery. I had so much fun with this lmao. I hope you enjoy it!

...

You couldn’t help but to feel bad for JJ. 

You knew that everyone was concerned about Reid - rightfully so. Worried about where he was, if he was alive or not. But you were the type of person who preferred to focus on the things you could control - the things right in front of you. JJ was someone you had known for long enough that you knew how to comfort her, and you pushed the ‘what-ifs’ about Reid to the back of your mind in favor of focusing on her. 

You knew that she was intensely shaken up by the entire situation. Not only the fact that she had been nearly mauled by a couple of dogs, pieces of her skin torn up and marred. But it was the fact that the team knew for certain that those same dogs had ripped a woman apart only a few days ago. You knew that JJ hated being forced to shoot those dogs. She was someone with a tender heart. You knew that all of this was affecting her. 

On top of all that, she was likely blaming herself for Reid being put in danger, even though there was nothing she could have done to save him. 

While everyone was gathered in the main room, looking through Hankle’s things for any hint as to where he had taken Reid, you moved toward the back of the house, knowing that JJ had gone to the bathroom to ‘freshen up’. You knew her well enough to easily pick up that it was code for her needing a moment to escape from everyone else in some attempt to calm down. 

The door to the bathroom was open just a crack, so you took a peek, not wanting to startle her by knocking. 

You could see her hunched over the sink, stress knit through her muscles as she gripped the sides of the porcelain. You felt a twinge of guilt flow through you as the thought occurred to you - even in such a state of duress, she was so beautiful. Painted in agony or pleasure, she was gorgeous.

She looked almost angelic like this, and you hated to believe that torture looked good on someone like her. (Perhaps it was the fact that you had seen her ‘tortured’ before - sweaty and begging, half on the brink of madness as she pleaded to get your tongue between her thighs once again.) 

You found your eyes admiring the sliver of skin that peeked out between her white button up and the low waist of her simple black dress pants. You found yourself wanting to actually smack yourself as a form of scolding when you couldn’t help but to admire the gentle dip of her waist and the curve of her ass. 

You felt sinful for thinking such carnal thoughts, even when she was so wrought with stress, clearly so wrecked from the night’s events. 

Perhaps it was the fact that you had come so close to losing her, and now that urge to possess her bubbled closer to the surface than ever. But you pushed it down as you gently nudged open the bathroom door. 

When the creak of the hinges echoed through the room, you certainly did not expect to be greeted with a gun in your face. 

JJ had whipped around much faster than you expected, and pointed her Bureau issued glock right at you. Clearly, she expected you to be a threat. The look in her eyes was positively wild - like a frightened animal being cornered by a fierce predator. Which of course, was something that had happened to her only a few hours before. 

“JJ.” You called out her name, keeping your voice firm, trying to ground her in this reality. 

Her eyes continued darting around, glancing into the hallway behind you as though she was expecting another rabid dog to suddenly appear there. 

“JJ, it’s just me.” You told her, reaching up and gently easing the gun down. 

She was still incredibly tense, so you reached up with your other hand and massaged along the inner part of her wrist with two fingers, getting her muscles to relax enough that she let go of the gun, dropping it into your hand. You made sure the safety was turned on before you placed the gun on the closed toilet lid. Then you turned and closed the bathroom door behind you, sealing the two of you into a quiet bubble to hopefully give her time to calm down. 

JJ let out a harsh breath - a sound that was mostly a sob strangled inside of her chest. She ran her hands through her already wild hair, tears gathering in her eyes once again. She turned to face the wall and you instinctively reached out, running your hands gently across her shoulders. 

One of your hands stayed as a comforting grip on her upper arm and the other rubbed an open palm up and down her back. You hoped you could soothe her in some way. You truly hated how she quivered under your touch, how you could feel those sobs trapped inside of her lungs; the echoes of cries she refused to release because she felt that she needed to put up a strong front. 

“It’s so stupid.” JJ complained. 

Her voice was wet with the unreleased tears as she held her head in her hands, still facing away from you. Her long blonde hair easily created a curtain around her face so that couldn’t properly see her. 

“I grew up with dogs! I had dogs! I love dogs, I would never-” 

“It’s not your fault, Jay.” You pressed, using your affectionate nickname for her. “When people train animals to attack like that, there’s nothing you can do.” You leaned in, gently resting your cheek on her shoulder, assuring her that you were there before you whispered the next words. “You had to shoot them.” 

JJ let out a harsh whimper, clearly struggling even more now with holding back her sobs. You wanted to tell her that it would be okay to cry, but you knew that it would be useless. She was raised as the strong brick wall of a daughter in her family, and she was not used to showing weakness - especially not used to crying. 

“I should have stayed with Spencer.” She announced quietly. “I shouldn’t have let him go off without backup. I should have-” 

“Jay, that’s not your fault either.” You told her firmly, cutting off whatever self blaming rant she was about to go on. 

She muddled in a bitter silence, her arms shaking lightly as she rocked her head back and forth - shaking her head in the negative in response to what you had said. 

She had to believe it was her fault. If Spencer didn’t come back from this, her self blame would only be worse. 

“JJ, look at me.” You demanded gently. She didn’t move, and you reached over and put a hand on her wrist, attempting to pull her hands away from her face. “JJ, please look at me.” 

When your voice warbled out the plea, she finally wavered to your touch, and let you turn her around to face you. You caught a glimpse of the bright red stains soaked into the sleeve of her shirt, splattered up across her front, and you tried to ignore the sickly curl in your gut because of it. 

You had the urge to lift her bandaged forearm up and lay a few kisses on it, like you would have kissed a child’s scraped knee - more so for the emotional comfort than any possible health benefits. But you knew that would have been more for you than for her. 

So instead, you reached out, brushing past that tangled curtain of blonde to gently cup her face with both your hands. You handled her with an intensely delicate touch as you tilted her gaze up from the ground. 

A few tears had managed to escape, and you brushed them away with your thumbs. JJ sniffled quietly, sounding quite small and defeated as she did so. For the first time that night, she felt a slight calm wash over her as the comfort of your presence truly settled in. 

She was eternally grateful to have you there with her. She reached up and gripped onto your wrists, keeping you anchored there. She skimmed her thumbs along the top of your hands, enjoying the smooth feeling of your skin as you stared at her broken face - a tearful angel that made your heart ache for her. 

You were called by the higher purpose to worship that angel - to turn her pain into pleasure.

Before you could stop yourself, you found yourself drifting toward her, leaning in and planting your lips on hers. It certainly wasn’t the first time you had kissed JJ, but it most definitely wasn’t the most opportune. 

She easily returned the kiss, pressing her mouth into yours with a soft neediness. It was when she let out a small moan, the sound vibrating against your lips that you felt that sting of guilty panging at you once again. The fact that lustful heat and your grief for her were colliding so heavily inside of you made you feel like just as much of a monster as the man who had taken Reid and sicked dogs on her. 

You pulled away from the kiss sharply, putting only an inch of distance between the two of you, not letting go of her cheeks. She didn’t let go of the hold she had on your wrists either - you wanted to keep her assured of your presence because she did need the comfort during this hard time. 

“I’m sorry-” You gasped out an apology for kissing her so inappropriately, but JJ, ever the woman to know exactly what she wanted, didn’t let you finish. 

“Don’t apologize.” She ordered sharply. “I need you.” 

She kept her eyes closed, her brows tight with anguish as you gently laid your forehead against hers. 

You couldn’t help but to question it. 

“Now, Jay?” You asked quietly. “Right now?” 

“I need to forget.” She whispered, her words so timid that her breath barely ghosted your lips, even with you so close to her. 

Your heart ached at her tone, and when you didn’t reply or didn’t move to kiss her again, she continued. 

“Every time I close my eyes, I just see… I just see those eyes glowing in the dark. I just hear growling.” She admitted, a few more tears escaping that you rushed to thumb away. “I need to forget it. Please, help me forget.” 

“Anything for you, sweets.” You whispered, using another affectionate nickname for her. 

You leaned in for another kiss, firmer this time. 

You let your instincts take over then - all the lust you had been pushing down rushing to the surface and servicing you well. If she needed to forget, then you would certainly make her. You would make her feel so good that all she would be able to focus on would be the hot blood thrumming through her ears. The medicine that God intended. 

You pushed her up against the edge of the sink, keeping one hand on the side of her face and moving the other to her hip. You skimmed your fingers along that tempting strip of skin right above the waistband of her low-rise pants, causing her to shiver at the teasing touch touch. 

In a moment, your forceful dominance, the way you handled her easily had her moaning into your mouth again, much louder this time. You moved the hand on her cheek around to comb your fingers through her hair. You dug your knuckles in, setting a powerful grip at the base of her skull that held her exactly where you wanted her. It was a tender pain that had her gasping for you as you shoved your tongue past her lips, now on a very determined mission to fuck every last dreadful thought out of her head. 

Your fingertips continued to dance along the waistband of her pants, gently teasing her skin in a great contrast to the forceful movement of your lips. Every single movement was cleverly calculated to make her mind numb. Right down to the way you tugged at her hair and yanked on her bottom lip with your teeth as you pulled away from the kiss, leaving her panting wildly. 

Her eyes were closed much more gently this time, her eyelids fluttering lightly, and you hoped that you had already reduced those nightmarish visions to dust as she relaxed into your touch, buttery under your fingers as always. 

“Thank you,” JJ breathed out, her voice sweet as ever as you bit a path down her neck. You wanted to leave noticeable marks that would stand out among the scratches and bumps she had acquired that night. 

You truly didn’t care if anyone else on the team spotted one of those marks and knew what it was. You were paying tribute to her, leaving your own kind of thank you on her neck as you sucked the soft skin between your teeth. Your fingers finally found the button of her pants and easily popped it open blind, pulling the zipper down in a moment. Without a second of hesitation, you shoved your fingers past the barrier of her simple cotton underwear. 

With one last sharp bite, you moved your head back up from the crevice of her neck then, pressing your forehead against hers once again. You kept that tight grip on the back of her hair, a small hinge of pain that grounded her, that assured her you were there. 

Your fingers easily found her clit, and you made the bold choice to begin rubbing her without wetting your fingers first. You knew that it would be a pleasurable sting that would certainly push any other thoughts from her mind. 

“Oh, fuck, Y/N-” 

JJ gasped, arching her hips away from the edge of the sink to meet your touch, her lips falling open beautifully and her eyes still so gently fallen shut. She looked so fucking angelic like this. 

More tears kissed her lashes as you pressed harder on her clit, moving your fingers in hard, slow circles. You could assure yourself that these were tears from pleasure, not from anguish or pain. You had rewritten the stony hurt inside her muscles, rethreading the cords tight with the need for an orgasm where they were previously pulled tight with stress. 

“Please!” She begged so beautifully when she wanted to. 

It felt like its own unique reward to know that you were one of the only people that all powerful Jennifer Jareau ever begged to. 

You felt her becoming wetter around your fingers, flooding her underwear in response to your simple touches, and there was only one thing you wanted before you would make her cum. 

“Look at me.” You told her, the words quiet on your lips but so utterly full of confident power. 

JJ whimpered in response, not yet opening her eyes, and you stopped the movement of your hand altogether. She let out a very displeased sound and you began slowly pulling back, threatening to leave her hanging (which was a very empty threat in this context - not that she had to know that). It was something that immediately caused her eyes to shoot open as she reached out and grabbed your wrist, holding you in place. She canted her hips up, desperately trying to get your touch back where she needed you most. 

“Please,” She pleaded again, all hot breath and desperation - all for you. 

Staring into those blue eyes, lit with a desperate blaze of lust as she panted out humid breaths across your chin, you were only reminded of the fact that everything you did was for her. Everything in your life was a worship in her name, no act too small to dedicate to such a perfect Goddess. 

“Good girl.” 

You praised her, knowing it was exactly what she needed as you angled your fingers back between her wet folds. You gathered up that wetness, slicking up your fingers before you placed your determined touch right on her throbbing clit. This time, rather than being slow and calculated, you were quick and determined. You made speedy movements that you knew would draw her to the quick finish that would perfectly empty her mind. 

“Always so good for me, Jay.” 

“Thank you, oh! Oh, fuck!” 

She started singing your praises in her own way as your touches sped up, the sound of her wetness just barely muffled by the fabric of her pants and underwear, becoming delightfully sloppy under your fingers. With the way she was unconsciously canting her hips toward you, humping against your hand, you knew she was so close. 

You leaned in, and while looking her in the eyes the whole time, you bit down on her bottom lip and roughly pulled it out, letting the skin snap back in a rough possession of her as she panted and moaned the whole time. 

“Cum for me.” You demanded in a rough growl, finding yourself comparable to one of those rabid dogs. Though you were consuming her in a way that renewed her life, rather than trying to end it. “Cum for me, sweet girl.” 

“Fuck!” JJ cried out, an epic prayer as she spiraled into the all consuming pleasure of her orgasm. 

Though you wanted nothing more than to listen to those beautiful sounds, you had to silence her most pitiful orgasmic cries by clasping your lips over hers. You didn’t want the others hearing - you wanted to keep those sounds all to yourself. You muffled her noises with a tight suction of your mouth as you continued to work her right through the orgasm, keeping a tight grip on her hair the whole time to show her exactly who she belonged to. 

With the crucifix mounted on the bathroom wall, the knowledge of Hankle’s God staring right at you as you did all this - you couldn’t find an ounce of shame inside you. Not now. You could find no better way to honor God than to lovingly dedicate your life to the embodiment of his best work.

...

A/N: Please keep in mind - this is a oneshot, so there will not be a continuation of it or a sequel to it. If you are going to comment, please comment about the body of work that has been written. I have not written any other fics about JJ at the time of this being posted, but if you like my writing style, definitely feel free to check out my Criminal Minds Masterlist or my other Masterlists.

[ipegchangbin]

— uplifting

sub!gym buddy!changbin x dom!personal trainer!reader | 8.7k words

♡ … prequel to heavy lifting “Personal trainer Changbin” this, “fitness coach Changbin” that, what if you were his personal trainer this time? Changbin can keep up with his workout routine on his own if he wanted to, but what’s the fun in lifting alone when he can lift with your words of encouragement?

❥ gender neutral afab reader (they/them pronouns, written with a vulva but no specifics), smut, fluff, some crack, crushes/clients friends to lovers, porn with some plot. ❥ mentions of weight (positive context). unprotected sex, creampie, semi-public sex, oral (changbin receiving), fingering (changbin receiving), headlock, strength kink, lots of teasing, dumbification, praise, degradation mention, changbin and y/n are slightly perverted, no specifics about y/n’s physique.

📝 i wrote a thought piece about gym buddy!binnie some time ago but apparently the man himself cannot stop bulking up and working out so i just HAD to write more. this is my first full fic, and yes i drew that piece in the header, so let me know what you think of it through feedback. otherwise, enjoy!

18+ only. minors do not interact.

You never expected your client, the one and only Seo Changbin, to like you this much.

Yes, Changbin; he’s a close friend of your coworker Chris. Just like your fellow gym instructor, he’s outgoing, charming, and confident. Except, he somehow isn’t all of that whenever he’s around you.

The two of you properly met for the first time when Chris showed him around the gym. Changbin had been working out in a different place, likely a smaller fitness center considering how amused he was while walking through the area. He was beaming with excitement when he scanned the rows of equipment, but nothing compared to his reaction when he saw you.

He zoned out when his eyes met yours. To say that he was smitten was an understatement. Both you and Chris had wondered where that extroverted man from earlier had gone.

“Changbin?” Chris called his name.

“Oh, sorry.” He attempted to save himself with a laugh.

It wasn’t long until you both formally introduced yourselves to each other. You extended your hand for a handshake but didn’t miss the way his forearm trembled in contrast to his biceps. Even you couldn’t fathom how quick it was for someone to get so obviously whipped. 

The man signed up for a membership here on the same day he met you. He had to think about getting a personal trainer because he had done all of the bulking up and muscle toning mostly by himself. He had practically become obsessed with fitness ever since he was told that big muscles suit him best. He loved everything from the newfound confidence, the look of his curves, and the additional strength. He takes full credit for his amazing body, as he should be, and he’s proud of himself.

That sense of pride left him immediately as he “accidentally” wrote your name on the form under “personal trainer.”

“What about me?!” Chris exclaimed. “I was the one who pushed you to work out! Not only did you turn to a different gym, but you also turned to a different trainer?”

“I-I didn’t mean to—well, whatever, I bet they’re a better coach than you,” said Changbin. He cleared his throat in the middle of bickering with Chris.

Your coworker mumbled about how much easier it was to write his other name “Chan” on the form; unfortunately, all you could focus on was how worked up and cute Changbin got as his ears flushed with color.

Changbin glanced at you before penning down additional details on the form. “Y/N, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you. He’s so annoying.” 

“It’s no worry really,” you said to him with an amused smile.

Chris let out a huff. “The worst part is you aren’t wrong, Bin. They’re a good choice for you, anyway.”

“Don’t start—”

“They’re not strict, but they’re passionate,” he continued, patting Changbin’s bicep. It tensed up. “Don’t let them down. They love seeing their clients work.”

“I’m not really like that. Don’t intimidate him.”

“You’d want that, though,” Chris muttered under his breath at your defense.

Hearing that made your blood rise to your cheeks out of anger. You faced Changbin to look for reactions only to find his blood flushed through his cheeks too, for very different reasons.

“Trust me, Bin, they’re tough.” Chris flashed the both of you an annoyingly lovely smile. “They have a ruthlessness that you’ll love, dude. It’s…uplifting.”

If Changbin’s face was heated enough, he’d become toast after this new information. He realized that you’re somewhat like him in the sense that you’re just as strong, if not stronger, and more passionate about strength than he is. You weren’t necessarily the fitness junkie that people make you out to be, but you loved strength. Displaying body capability has always been interesting to you. It’s even made its way to your extremely secret list of bedroom turn-ons. 

The difference between you and Changbin, of course, was that you’re good at hiding your secrets. He was practically letting the entire world know that he’s interested in you.

The following sessions weren’t kind on Changbin. The first one was an eye-opener itself. It wasn’t because you were being “ruthless” as Chris described, but because he tried his hardest not to fall for you too fast.

Falling in love is one way to put it. He did start falling for everything that came with you, but there was something more alluring about you. Everyone has watched him exert muscle power onto punching his limbs to their limits, but nobody’s seen him exert all brain power into suppressing his thoughts about you.

He spent too many minutes thinking about you. It’s only been two and two nights, but he was so easily awestruck by you. Maybe it’s the way you hold yourself. You stood straight enough to sustain good posture. The stance itself exuded confidence, hiding all insecurities in your system. You spoke as if you demanded and commanded everyone in the room. Your face is always bright. Your build is so fittingly you. Your clothes hugged your body right enough. Actually, on that note, your clothes were probably better off your body—

“What the fuck,” Changbin mouthed to himself, shocked by his train of thought.

That, and your pretty face greeting him took him by surprise.

“Good morning, Bin.”

“G-good morning…coach.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. He barely stepped into the gym, half of his body still outside, and he already seemed to tremble in your presence.

You had to give it to him, he’s one adorable man after all. You already know that he’s all sorts of determined, but his sportsmanship doesn’t end with superficialities. He’s extremely well-mannered. He loyally sticks to his principles. He is old money in a new suit; if that meant sweet musk spritzed on an Adidas shirt. His slightly curly black hair peeked out of a baseball cap. He’s a good sport, but he acted like a sore loser around you. He stuttered as if he forgot how to speak. You wonder, would he forget his name too with your hands around his—

“Uhm,” you uttered, distracting yourself from the sudden intrusive thought. It caught Changbin’s attention too, seemingly snapping him out of his head. You wondered if he was lost in the same set of thoughts.

It took you both a few steps and a few lines of small talk before Changbin was on the floor, on his knees, looking up at you, waiting in anticipation of your next move.

Of course, because he’s literally about to perform push-ups for a fitness assessment. What else would you both think it was for?

“Do as many push-ups as you can. Stop and let me know the moment something aches, no matter how small.” Your voice was loud enough to be the commanding sound between the both of you.

“Got it, coach.”

You leaned in. “Alright. I’ll count. You know the drill: legs straight, hands on the floor, ass up. Clear?”

Changbin gulped. There was nothing malicious in what you said. You’re just reminding him of proper form. He shifted his posture and followed your word.

It didn’t have to be this hard for him, doing push-ups in front of someone whose eyes were hyper-focused on him. He was used to getting stared at while working out. It was almost entirely uncharacteristic of him to break into a sweat without even starting. You were only seated on a bench, legs spread a tad bit apart for comfort, upper body hunched forward to get a good look at his form. 

He wasn’t the only one going through the mental circles of hell: Changbin didn’t have to look so cute while struggling. His lips parted as he huffed, the smallest grunts escaping his lips as soon as he reached 25 push-ups. You’ve had many clients before him, some even built bigger than him, but he had a charm to him that was alluring.

Maybe it’s because, despite his strength, he seemed so weak for you. Sitting around and working out shouldn’t be this sexy for either of you.

“Fifty.” Changbin looked up at your count. You peered over at his face.

For some reason, he looked fucked out. His eyes were dark yet glossy, the color on his cheeks spread throughout his face, sweat dripping down his forehead and clinging to his freed curls. His chest was heaving, shaky breaths leaving a mouth that looked like it needed you.

“C-Coach, my arm is tense.” He was practically breathless.

“Then stop. Fifty is your limit.”

“Well honestly,” Changbin huffed and smiled a little while getting back up. “I…can go for more, it’s just tense.” 

He was planning to flirt. He stumbled while getting back on two legs but you could tell by his gaze and the masked sureness in his tone that he was set on making a move. 

You both knew, however, that confidence is just his first line of defense in shielding the fact that he was about to drool at the mere sight of you.

“Chill. I’m assessing until what point you’re comfortable with. I know you can though.”

“No, I r-really can. Just watch.” 

Watch? Changbin practically kicked himself mentally at that. How could he ask you to watch him do more when he couldn’t even handle being under your eyes for only so long?

“Ah-huh. You don’t need to prove it to me, Bin,” You let out a dark chuckle. “Don’t get worked up over it. If anything…”

You stood up in front of him. Your mouth and body started reacting before you could think. Before you knew it, you were both in a mutual stare that could never break, and you were mustering up all of your rusty suaves to flirt back.

“If anything, I’m glad you obeyed me.”

Changbin’s plump lips shut themselves tight in a line. He did obey you: you told him to let him know when something didn’t feel right, no matter how small. You inched closer and he watched as you eyed him up and down through a half-lidded stare.

You were thinking with your ass at this point.

“Just proves that you’re a good boy.”

The eyes you were staring at widened yet they never pulled away from yours. He tensed up a little more, his muscles flexing at nothing but the last two words that escaped you.

You were shocked at yourself too. It seemed as if your feelings for him strengthened and affirmed themselves as a solid crush. You didn’t think it would be in you to be upfront, though. There’s one good thing to get out of it, which was testing the waters.

You wanted to know if he aligned with your type in the bedroom. Strong exterior, masculine but comfortable in his skin; all this to contrast with a softer, submissive, obedient interior.

It quickly became a little game in your head to tease him as much as possible.

“I’m kidding! But good job, that’s impressive.”

Hours after that, your praises wouldn’t stop. They followed him as you two continued the fitness assessment, and they rang in his clouded head even as he made it home.

—

He rushed to his bathroom mirror the moment he made it to his apartment. Changbin, for the entire night, was in perpetual shock by your words. The words “good boy” rang in his head like tinnitus. He squeezed his eyes shut before opening them to examine the physical discomfort he felt after leaving the gym.

He got hard. He wondered if he was hard since earlier, considering how heavy it suddenly felt in his jogger shorts. Changbin tugged on his erect length once and then twice. It wouldn’t go down, not when he was still thinking about how hot his new trainer was. How hot you were.

Changbin swore up and down that he never had a type. He thought that girls, boys, or people of any kind would appeal to him: he never factored in that someone like you would be the spitting image of a dream partner.

Strong, witty, dominant.

He felt so bad, so guilty, so filthy for thinking about you. Not only was he thinking of dating his fitness coach, but he was also thinking of what it’d be like to fuck them.

To fuck you. Or get fucked by you.

“Fuck it,” Changbin hissed as he pulled his shorts down, wishing his hand was yours.

After that first day, neither of you could stop, and it was driving the both of you crazy. 

Both of your mouths were too quick for your own good. He commented once about his favorite exercise being the “clean and jerk” only for you to make him demonstrate it — the lifting one, of course. Another time, you told him you could do a “rim shot,” only for you to throw a basketball at the hoop above your head.

The image of Changbin’s flushed face at those jokes could never leave your mind. Similarly, he couldn’t get your teasingly sultry voice out of his mind. You both were too damn good at making immature jokes pass as legitimate flirting. It didn’t help that you were both so attractive to each other without even trying.

In the second session, Changbin got distracted by your ass while you were demonstrating the battle rope. The one after that, he nearly stumbled as he ran three laps around the gym next to you only because he got a whiff of your cologne. You both just finished your fourth session and you noticed him eyeing you down even if you were talking to your coworkers and other gym regulars.

It wasn’t teasing at that point, and yet, Changbin was very obviously falling for you.

After you prepared your bags to end your shift and congratulated him on another session done, you walked over to lean on a counter. You were about to leave work soon but took your time as you watched your client make his way to the locker rooms and showers.

Your elbows were propped up on the edge of the high table, your torso leaning forward while your legs stood back, allowing your back to arch. The pose accentuated the natural curvature of your ass and it didn’t help that your arms squeezed on the sides of your chest. Because of that, it popped out more than it should. You were holding your water jug in one hand, ignoring the handle, and engulfing it in your palm in a way that seemed interesting.

Changbin couldn’t help but glance at you. You didn’t mind being eye candy for him at that moment.

Chris snapped you out by making his way next to you, imitating your pose and leaning on the same counter, albeit struggling to look half as alluring.

“Hi, Channie.”

Chris cocked an eyebrow at you. “Please don’t call me that.”

“Sweet spot?” At your words, you felt a presence in the distance. You shook your head and looked at Chris.

“Sour. Why’d you do that?”

“Do what?”

Chris squinted at you and straightened up. “Call me that and…pose like that?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking much of it.”

“Whatever. Stop acting as if your crush on Bin isn’t obvious.”

“Then why bother asking if it’s that obvious to you?”

Chris was taken aback: he thought you would flat-out deny any mutual feelings for Changbin, as he alluded to that, but you didn’t.

“So you do like him.”

You clicked your tongue. “And what about it?”

“You just seem to like my guy. That’s all.”

“Gym rats speak weirdly homoerotically, huh?” You joked, elbowing his bicep. “In all seriousness, do you think he likes me?”

You didn’t ask that out of insecurity. In fact, you were far from being insecure about the feelings. You weren’t sure why you asked that question but you thought it had to do with Changbin’s consent. After all, was he actually uncomfortable this whole time?

“As you said, why bother asking when the answer’s so obvious?”

All of that doubt washed away immediately at your coworker’s words. He wasn’t Changbin, but he knew the man like he knew the back of his hand. “Y/N. Believe me.”

Chris took a step back and looked at you from head to toe. He wasn’t doing it to check you out but instead to prove his point. The action, however, made the air thicker, but the tension didn’t seem to swell from either of you. You brushed it off and listened to Chris. 

“He never told me about having a type but I know my guy’s into people like you.” Something caught his eye. Chris paused and turned his head away. “Would you look at that? Speak of the devil.”

You turned to face the same direction your coworker was looking at, only to find the source of the weird presence and tension from earlier. Changbin was staring at the both of you with his bags in his hands.

His slightly agape mouth, tight grip on the bags, and creased eyebrows were giveaways of confusion, bewilderment, suspicion, and jealousy.

You attempted to break the tension by waving at him and flashing your brightest smile. His gaze softened at that but returned to a frown when he watched you walk to the exit.

You bid both of them farewells for the night. After you turned your heel at the door, Changbin ran to Chris.

— 

Chris sat down on a bench as Changbin approached him. He listened to his friend’s weirdly gruff voice. “Christopher, dude.”

“Hm? What’s up?” He nearly laughed, wondering why you and Changbin chose the worst names for him.

Changbin pinched the bridge of his nose and huffed as he sat on a chair across from him. “I need advice: I like this person. I’m really into them. I kinda think they like me back, but we don’t have anything yet. I saw them with someone else and got jealous. It’s pathetic but I don’t know what to do with it.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Chris snorted at his friend’s ramble. “You shouldn’t worry either if you think they’re into you too. Just shoot your shot.”

“Dude, it’s hard. They just make me act up so much that I start pussying out.”

“You’re too pussy for it? Bro, it’s just Y/N, they’ll be cool with it.”

“Yeah, they—wait, what the fuck did you say?”

The world crumbled around Changbin when Chris dropped your name.

“Don’t act so surprised. Your crush on them is really obvious and I told them you liked them. They were actually talking  about you earlier. Also, you’re terrible at hiding shit.”

Changbin’s heart dropped. He was glad that his suspicions were instantly debunked, but the next revelation ran his brain over. 

“Jeez, Chan, let me live.”

“You’re alive dude, your pulse is just going over the roof,” Chris pointed at his friend’s smartwatch, alerting him of his heart rate.

“Since you’re being real about this, I could tell that it’s worth a shot.”

Changbin simply nodded. Chris was getting more amused at how his best friend was handling this situation.

“If you’re worried about the part of them being mean to you, just don’t sweat it. That’s their display of affection. I won’t be surprised if they start teasing or degrading you or something.”

The silence was broken by a blink and a huff came from Changbin. Chris was joking, but his jaw fell when he noticed his friend averting his eyes.

“No way. Don’t tell me you’re both into that.”

As Changbin was about to deny him again, he instead felt his heart drop. “Both?!”

“That’s what you’re concerned about? They literally tease you all the time and yet you’re worried that you both like it?”

“Obviously not.” Changbin ran his palm down his face, unsuccessfully masking the blush creeping up on his cheeks and ears.

“Bin, dude, one-up yourself.” Chris readjusted his legs in his seat to fully face his pathetic friend. “Y/N is so ahead of their feelings that I can’t even tease them, so just do it! This isn’t high school!”

“Yeah, Chan, but it’s a damn gym.”

“Same point goes for you, dumbass,” Minho, Chris’ own client, and their mutual friend interrupted. He was pulling jabs at the punching bag a few meters away from them. “I don’t mean to snoop but it’s hard not to eavesdrop when you and Y/N have both been having softcore sex here every other day.”

Changbin felt his hair rise at that.. “Minho, there’s a place you can go to for free and it’s out of my damn business.”

“So you’re not denying it?” Minho smiled and alluded back to your antics. 

“Of course, I’d deny it! It’s unfair to talk about them like that!”

“Calm down bro, they’re not yours.”

“Not yet!” Changbin exclaimed a little too excitedly. His two friends laughed at his enthusiasm: that’s their “man of principles” right there.

“Anyway, bro, I have a trick you might want to try,” Minho shared with a snort. He leaned in to whisper his secret, a palm covering his lips next to Changbin’s ear.

As expected, Changbin’s eyes blew wide, eyebrows raised, and then furrowed. His jaw fell but the corners of his mouth remained in an upwards smile of disbelief.

“Try it. Lee knows best, after all.”

Chris had an inkling of what the secret was and teased Changbin. “I can’t believe we’re giving you the pep talk. You better spill everything on them on Friday. Don’t be a pussy.”

“What’s wrong with being a pussy, anyway? It’s better than being a dick,” Changbin side-eyed his two friends.

“If I’m a dick, at least I’m huge.”

“Shut up! I’ll do it. Thanks, I guess.”

Changbin took that as a deadline.

Friday night, I’ll confess. No matter what happens, I’ll tell them what I feel. He repeated those clauses like a tasty little mantra in his head.

Friday rolled around. “Changbinnie’s got this,” he muttered in support to himself. It wasn’t long before you and Changbin faced each other during yet another session.

This time, it was different. You’ve already established that this man crumples at the mere sight of you, but he seemed to have himself together in this instance. He had another trick up his sleeve, and it wasn’t just confidence.

You’d think he might have gotten over you if he wasn’t smiling dumbly at your simple greeting. He displayed almost no signs of nervousness despite his promise to himself about confessing.

“Bin,” you uttered, not missing the way his eyes lit up at the nickname. “Before we start, how much do you usually lift?”

“Ah, coach…” Changbin dipped his head downwards, looking at your shadow on the floor.

He slowly raised his head, a hand shying around the nape of his neck, feigning shyness and innocence with a meek grin and a question for an answer.

“How much do you weigh?”

“Pardon?” Your eyes bulged out of your head.

“H-How much do y-you weigh, coach?” He stuttered as he repeated himself.

It took you a second to unclench your jaw. It wasn’t the subject of the question itself that put you off: you knew he wouldn’t do anything horrible with that information. Your concern was what kind of flirtation technique he was going for. You could infer he learned it from the two men eyeing you on the other end of the gym. Chris and Minho were giggling a little too hard at Changbin’s antics. Might as well roll with it.

You freely disclosed your weight to Changbin. He smiled excitedly and raised an eyebrow.

“Just wait here.”

With Chris and Minho’s minimal assistance almost comically organized on cue, he came back with a barbell, dropping it with pride.

“I can lift this easily.”

You mentally calculated the weights on either end of the bar. The total matched the same exact number you described.

He’s lifting your weight.

You gasped in disbelief. He grabbed the bar and effortlessly swung it off the ground. He was doing a good job at making this game harder for you to win especially with his signature smirk.

You smiled back at him. “Sure you could.” 

Changbin dipped his head again. He seemed genuinely shy this time.

“Tell me how and I’ll do it.”

Your eyes beamed up from the weights to his face. You were going to give Changbin quite the session, not knowing his plans to confess later into the night.

—

“You’re doing great, Binnie!” You exclaimed as he pushed the barbell upwards for what was supposed to be the last time today. You two agreed upon one set of bench presses, but after watching him go through two sets the other day, you decided to give him a few more reps. “One more!”

“Okay,” Changbin huffed in response. He pushed again.

His biceps tensed and his chest flexed with them. Even on his last push, he was still maintaining his form, just the way he needed it.

Just the way you wanted it.

A series of thoughts ran through your head down to your heart at once. Maybe it’s his obedience, his flustered face, his biceps tensing under your command, or the fact that he chose to lift a barbell at your weight, but you suddenly felt a pang in your chest seeing him comply with your demands right away.

To be fair, he teased you first today, and he was responding to your teases in subtle ways that satisfied you. You always loved to tease the people you liked; getting people to reach their blushing point is enough of a victory, but it was an achievement in and of itself to get someone huffing and puffing while looking at you, and only you, while being slightly embarrassed.

With that said, it didn’t feel like a real win until you got him to where you truly wanted him to be. Maybe that’s why you devised a plan to make him totally fold over for you.

You ultimately decided to push him, right then and there, on his very last set of bench presses.

“Nice! One more!”

Changbin whipped his head your way in confirmation. “Alright!”

“That’s good!” You exclaimed as he lifted the weight again with only the slightest hint of a struggle. “One more!” You didn’t want to back down.

“One more?” Changbin cocked both of his eyebrows up. His grunts turned into heavy breaths and half-groans from your demands and piercing stare. “Really?”

“What do you think I said, Binnie? One more!”

Sternly, you slapped your thighs to alert him, allowing the skin around your firm muscles to jiggle.

The sight was probably more than enough to rile him up because he tightened his grip on the steel and pushed harder. The veins in his arms popped ever so slightly. His muscle lines defined themselves and his collarbone grew prominent from the intensity of his pushing. Your plan was working.

“Nice. One last?” With pure confidence in your heart, you challenged him:

“Can you take it?”

Changbin’s reaction was priceless.

Before you could think twice about going too far with the innuendos this time, you noticed the glint in his eyes. Shock turned into desperate determination as his eyes were blown wide and his jaw dropped along with the barbell in his hands. It wasn’t a look of questioning; you knew he would keep at it as you asked, but it was as if he wanted to know if he was hearing things right. He wanted to believe what you said.

Maybe he thought about you saying this to him in bed one day. At the same time, maybe he was dirtier; he probably fantasized about you saying that to him in the locker rooms. Maybe he wanted you to ask the same question before you buried your fingers deep inside him. Maybe, in a more surface-level way, he just wanted to prove you wrong.

His stare was speaking to you: I can take it. I can take you. I can take it from you. He was pleading to prove to you that he could do it.

He was pleading to please you. Pleading to take you.

Alas, he had to deal with the barbell in his hands first.

“Yes, please,” he exhaled, sounding too desperate for his liking.

Even though you wanted to push further, he was still technically going past his routine: you could expertly tell that he wasn’t up to his limit yet, but you still wanted him to be safe and comfortable even under your spell. “You sure?”

You didn’t expect his voice to rise in volume while his lips curled upwards in excitement.

“Yes, please!”

“Then give it to me!” You yelled back, flashing him the same smile as he readjusted his form.

He pushed one last time with a loud groan and gently pulled back, finishing the bench press set for real this time.

You quickly decided to finish your teasing off with something sweet.

“Alright, nice one Binnie!” You walked over to him and helped him out of the bench, lifting and moving the equipment away from him. He immediately tended to his sore arms and chest by palming at them using his slightly calloused hands.

You patted his shoulders as he sat up. Before you knew it, words escaped your lips faster than you could think or blink.

“Good boy.”

Something seemed to crack inside him. When you looked at him, his eyes had hearts in them.

Changbin had an expression of what seemed to be a mix of shock, pride, satisfaction, and arousal. After putting his limbs through your hell all day, those two simple words of praise broke through his system: it shot through his ears, the post-exercise dopamine rush, and your words mixed and rang through his temples. Your words were so simple yet the phrase shook him thoroughly. Your words traveled down to his heart at lightning speed.

Your words also went down to his crotch.

Your plan worked a little too well.

“Thanks f-for today coach. I’ll just…restroom.”

Changbin shifted in his seat and got up almost a little too quickly. His thighs wobbled as he desperately tried to hide his erection.

“Go ahead, it’s okay,” you chuckled to yourself, watching him walk faster whilst fixing himself in his cycling shorts.

“I’ll see you then!”

Changbin’s heart was racing. He was getting so worked up that his smartwatch was screaming at him to calm down.

“Goddamn fuckass Fitbit,” he cursed. 

He was getting hard again. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and locked himself up in a stall. His pulse was making its way down to his cock. He needed to make his way back home but he felt so feral and horny at whatever you did to him earlier. 

Thankfully, he seemed to be the only one left in the gym. A dose of anxiety rushed through his blood from the thought of still getting caught, but most importantly, he hated the thought of thinking about you like this.

He reached down on the waistband of his shorts, slipping a hand underneath the fabric. A wet hiss left his mouth as he wrapped a hand around his cock. His other hand took the hem of his shirt into his mouth, exposing the skin of his torso and hardened nipples.

All he could hear in his head was your voice.

Can you take it?

He could, but he felt guilty for wanting to.

Good boy.

But good boys don’t play with dirty minds alone.

He almost drooled through his shirt, biting harder, only to be interrupted by the sound of a clang on the lock of the bathroom’s main door.

Shit. He wasn’t so alone after all.

He immediately fixed himself up, pretended to be done doing business in the stall, and walked out even if he was still annoyingly erect.

Suddenly, his skin went pale when he realized that you were the one who entered the room.

“Ah! Coach!”

“Ch-Changbin?!” The two of you screamed at the same time and jumped back at each other.

You started apologizing profusely for walking in on him. “Holy shit, I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were still here!” 

“Me too! I-I thought you went home already,” Changbin responded, his mouth trembling, still in shock,“I was, uhm, fixing my things. What’re you doing here?”

Your hand made its way to the back of your head. “C-Closing up the gym. I thought I was the last one here. I’m sorry!”

“Hey, please. I took too long, I’m gonna take my leave now.”

Changbin gave you a reassuring smile but unexpectedly dropped it when he realized something he missed.

You better spill everything on them on Friday. Don’t be a pussy.

He forgot to confess. 

The both of you had gotten so deep into the flirting and teasing to the point that he forgot his main goal of the day. Leaving with a bunch of burnt calories and a horny mind was still not enough to let his heart rest. 

“B-But, uhm, I can stay a little while. I’ll help you close the gym.”

“It’s okay. You must rest, you seem tired!”

“Nah. I’ve rested up enough, stretched and everything.”

“I insist. Take a seat, it’s alright.”

“Thank you.” 

You took a few minutes of checking the ventilation systems and stalls. You sifted through the lockers in case anything got left behind. It wasn’t as nasty as it usually would have been — courtesy of Chris suspiciously cleaning it up before leaving. What if he intentionally did that in advance in case the both of you settled here; which is, unfortunately, the case? You’re just glad that you confirmed only the both of you were there in the gym.

Returning to the main hall of the bathroom, you found Changbin sitting anxiously, bouncing his leg and locking his bottom lip in between his teeth. He wanted to tell you something. You wanted to say something. Neither of you did anything for a few seconds, merely sharing a stare with hearts behind your eyes.

Deciding to offer a massage was your best course of action.

“Sorry, the routine earlier was rough on you.” Before Changbin could retort, you quickly added. “Say, do you want a massage? It helps with sore muscles.”

“Oh, uh, you don’t have to!”

“But it helps ease the pain, trust me!” You walked closer, going behind the bench. You placed your hands on Changbin’s shoulder blades, keeping him sat in place before he could object. “They say I give the best massages. What do you think?”

You gave him all the time in the world to decide amidst his inner conflict because he, unfortunately, couldn’t think. You could feel his skin heating up under your palms, the temptation to turn his neck to face you creeping up on him, but he knew wiser. He grew grateful that he was facing away since he was still dangerously hard. Rain might pour on him if he kept looking at you. 

Because he couldn’t handle much more of your contact, he made the stupid choice and allowed you to massage him.

“Sure. You can do it if that’s okay.” Whatever, he was actually none the wiser.

“Of course it is,” you said as you squeezed his arm with a smile. 

Your fingers ran up and down his shoulders and biceps. They made their way to his neck and collarbone in soothing circular motions, your fingertips leaving indents on his skin through his shirt. Hard muscles tensed and relaxed under your touch, but you could feel jerks beneath you. The simplest actions made his chest tremble and his cock twitch. He hid it by squeezing his legs and hoped you didn’t notice.

You could smell him. Whiffs of the same sweet fabric softener mixed with an expensive cologne entered your nose, but a certain masculine musk was mixed in. You could tell it apart from sweat. You looked down at him and noticed the surprisingly large imprint in his shorts. That’s when it hit you. It was—

“Y/N, I have something to tell you.”

Any further thoughts scurried away to the back of your brain at his sudden serious tone. You were about to ask if it was about the massage but he sounded firm with himself.

“I’m sure you can tell by now, but I’ll be upfront about it.”

Changbin inhaled and exhaled. An air of peace surrounded the both of you.

“I have feelings for you. I’ve thought about it and…I really do like you.”

You were taken aback. You saw it coming, but you still shook your head to check if this was real. You’ve heard the same set of words before from other people but none of them hit quite like this. Confessions coming from your clients were the least of what you expected, but it was a welcome surprise. 

“You don’t have to reciprocate, I just wanted to let you know that.”

Maybe he took the opportunity that he was facing away from you, but you turned to the side to see his face. It was only then that you saw him, face flushed all over, eyes shining, skin glistening with sweat and some sort of handsome glow. The both of you basked in each other’s presence and waited patiently.

“Changbin…”

Time seemed to halt and you felt your heart floating at your own words.

“I know, it’s a lot. I’m sorry I—”

“No, Bin, I like you too.”

Changbin’s gaze at you impossibly softened more as he stood up. He inched closer to you, taking in your beauty as if you were an apparition.

He brought his hands next to your face, hesitating. “May I?”

At this point, you could only think with your heart and your core. He looked insatiable, lovely, and pretty. You were all sorts of beautiful and handsome to him too at that moment. Neither of you could hold yourselves back. You thought he was being impossibly polite for not kissing you on the spot, so that’s what you did.

You held his hand next to your cheek and cupped his face with your other, pulling him into a deep, passionate kiss.

His eyes grew wide before closing slowly. The both of you took your time, relishing in the softness of both of your lips, pouting into each other and pressing the flesh as if you both got a taste of heaven for the first time.

You pulled away and your foreheads pressed against each other while the tips of your noses clashed adorably between your faces. He softly smiled and you mirrored him before diving in for another kiss.

Lightning cracked within you. As you kissed, your arms roamed around his body, your hands snaking his hips, and you pulled him closer with gentle force. Your tongue darted out mid-kiss and started licking his lips as if you lost control. He tasted so sweet even if he seemed so shocked.

“Ah!”

An adorable moan escaped his throat and fire erupted within your core.

“I like you too,” you said, “but I need you.”

Sparks made their way to both of your crotches. Hands trailed to your waist while yours pulled on his hips. Changbin grunted at the feeling of his plush flesh being held firmly, making you squeeze your fingertips.

“Fuck, I need you too.” Changbin whimpered slightly. Without thinking of it, your fingers danced their way up his sides and pulled slightly on his shirt, making their way over his chest. Your fingers circled his hardened nipples. He struggled to continue. “I’ve…been needing you since day one.”

“Since the first session?”

“Since we first met.”

You raised an eyebrow at him and slid your tongue on his adam’s apple in one quick motion. “How did you hold back for so long?” Changbin asked, attempting to ground himself by asking you more questions instead of moaning.

“How did you?”

“Can’t you tell I couldn’t?” He said, eyeing down at himself through a half-lidded stare.

You chuckled. “Need help with it?”

“Please, Y/N,” Changbin pleaded, his voice betraying him, lacing his words with desperation.

Without another word, your arm darted and pulled down on his shorts, instantly exposing his lower half. His underwear was thankfully cooperating; the waistband snapped around his thighs as your hands released from the swift motion, eliciting a very loud moan from Changbin.

His cock surprised you. It wasn’t the lengthiest, but it grew in size ever since you discovered the dick print earlier. What he lacked in length, he made in sheer girth. It was thick, so much so that it looked heavy. It was heavy: the moment you held it, your fingers struggled to wrap around him, and your hand nearly slipped from failing to lift it.

Training yourself to hold the bars on barbells clearly didn’t train you enough to hold his dick properly.

“What a big boy,” you muttered.

“I-I’m not, really.”

“You are. I bet I can’t fit you.”

Before he even got the chance to protest, he watched you prove yourself right by getting on your knees and taking him in your mouth. Your lips only managed to fit around his tip. You would go deeper, but his girth filled your mouth so much and so fast.

The sudden actions left Changbin struggling to keep himself steady. You circled an arm around his waist, nonverbally telling him to sit himself down. He got distracted by the firm flex of your arm before following, slowly sitting down.

What he didn’t expect, though, was allowing you to swing his leg over your shoulder as you took more of his cock in your mouth. Not long after, he felt something foreign prodding at him. 

The additional contact only piled onto the pleasure so he didn’t dare try to stop it. He kept his eyes squeezed shut, focusing on the sensations of your tongue circling his tip and your hand building up the pace. It was only when you paused and spoke that he finally decided to look at you.

“Is this alright?”

Peering down at you left him speechless.

A finger teased his ass and made its way around the rim of his hole. As he stared at it, letting drool pool under his tongue, you looked up at him with swollen lips. 

“W-Want it. Need it.” He gave you the same look that he flashed your way when you teased him earlier. From that alone, you knew he could take it.

You pressed your tongue against his rim for a moment, lubing it up before pressing a digit onto him. “Done this before?”

“No. Never,” Changbin huffed. “F-Feels so—Ah!”

Before he could say anything more, you stuck a finger inside him. Shockwaves rippled across his body, sensations and stings he’s never felt starting to bite him everywhere.

Your finger slid into him slowly. It stretched his walls which were tight yet somehow clean and wet. It left you to wonder if he at least prepared himself for something like this even if he’s never tried it. He writhed under you until the discomfort left him, whispering for you to keep going.

You added another finger in. You started curling them. It hit his sweet spot, causing him to groan out your name and flinch all over. Pleasure and ecstasy were the only things he felt and the only other word he could mutter was your name.

“It’s so fucking g-good.”

“And you’re so good. Taking me so well. Such a pretty boy.” The praises became addicting to him, causing him to push his hips and rut against your fingers, chasing a high.

“Fuck. So, so—ah—so good.”

“You like this, don’t you?” You responded to his mumbling with a smirk.

“Love it.” He breathed out. “Love it—ah—love you. Y/N, I love you so m-much.”

Changbin could only manage to repeat the same thing over and over, his mind fogging with nothing but arousal as he melted under your touch. He didn’t just want your lips on his, he didn’t just want your fingers in him, he didn��t merely want his cock inside you. He needed you, all of you, your sex, your self, and more; he just couldn’t say it clearly when your fingers curled against his prostate.

Eventually, the cock in your mouth twitched. That was a telltale sign that he was about to finish. Changbin patted your head and signaled you to stop.

“I-I don’t wanna cum yet.”

Your lips popped off his cock as you looked up at him. “Hmm? Why?”

The sight of you like this drove his mind until it went hazy. With vision blurring in pure ecstasy, words blending, he felt like he was losing himself under you. “Need…need to f-fuck…”

“Too much? We can stop—”

“No. No, don’t stop,” he whined. “I just—please, Y/N, I need to fuck you. Bad.”

Practically pleading, he pulled you up off your knees by wrapping strong hands around your biceps and mindlessly licked a stripe across your lips. You pulled away from the wet kiss to find his face flushed impossibly deeper and his cheeks puffed up. His mouth was trembling and he seemed to not be able to speak any further.

“Going dumb for me, Binnie?”

“Mhm,” Changbin nodded, not denying—no, not even processing what you had just told him. You brought your hand up to cup his face, only to be shocked when he immediately nuzzled against it.

“How pathetic. We’ve barely fucked and you went dumb over two fingers?” You brought up the fingers that entered him earlier, showing the wetness to him. 

He whined, sweet vowels of no words squeaking out of him. After shying away, he looked back at the digits and brought them to his mouth.

You were speechless at his neediness. You watched him blissfully suck on them before he pulled away and mumbled. “Want more.”

You smiled at him and pecked his cheek. The following gestures happened in a flash, and you had yourselves fully exposed to each other. Blinking eyes at your figure, Changbin was legitimately drooling in awe of your figure, tears stinging his eyes at your beauty.

“Pretty…”

“Thank you,” you giggled, wiggling your ass in front of him until your cheeks made contact with his V-line. 

You suddenly had an idea. Like earlier, it would be fun to safely challenge him while he’s in a cute headspace. “You lifted weights that were exactly my weight, right?”

“Mhm. Yes Y/N.”

“Prove to me that you can actually do it.” You traced his jaw, feeling his figure from behind your body, watching him with nothing but touches. 

“Fuck me while carrying me, Binnie.”

It ignited something within him because he instantly lifted you off the floor with ease. Teasing your fleshy, wet entrance with free fingers, he aligned your hole with his cock. As the sensations of having your heat held by Changbin, he sank you onto him. 

He started thrusting into you after a minute of adjusting. “Am I—fuck! Am I heavy? Light?”

“No, no, just right. So g-good.” Changbin kissed your neck, thrusting out of you before digging himself further inside. “Wanna—ah! Wanna fuck you f-forever.”

“Changbin,” you breathed out. “Arms…around me.”

You pointed to the general area of your neck and shoulders. The signal left Changbin in disbelief for a second. Complying was easy for him but he still felt nervous. He didn’t want to suffocate you but he was also chasing your praise. Wordlessly, he swung an arm across your neck and latched his hand on your chest, allowing you room to breathe as he squeezed tight. You were in a literal headlock; a fantasy you never realized would come true.

He didn’t expect the position to make his job easier. It allowed him to piston into you with force while kissing and marking up the side of your neck that wasn’t being squeezed by the meat of pure muscle. You could hear his extremely loud moans better in one ear while the other half of your face was being massaged by flexing skin. Thankfully, the man — who you’d forgotten was your professional gym buddy — was careful enough, pecking you every once in a while, syncing his breaths with yours to check if you were okay.

The thrusts became erratic and your bodies heated each other every time you both made contact. He reached down to touch and tease your heat while you leaned back to hold and squeeze his ass cheeks as much as you could. He moaned louder and started shaking as you groped him harder. You felt his hardness drilling into you, leaving you wetter than ever.

He couldn’t stop whining. Changbin never intended to make so many restrained noises slip in the gym. He whined almost the same way he did each time you teased him as he lifted weights. It was the same, high-pitched, unbelievably sweet plea that escaped his throat with a tremble at the end. This time, however, it was louder, needier, more shameless, and more desperate. This time, there was no restraint. There was no point in holding back anymore.

You could almost taste heaven, and you called out his name over and over, signaling your need to finish.

“C-close—cumming,” he whined. His cock started to feel firmer as it pounded you. “Cumming, I’m cumming, I-I can’t…”

The both of you could feel each other get wetter and wetter. Your walls clenched and unclenched around him, trapping him inside you, urging him to finish with you.

“Let go, Binnie, c-cum for me. It’s okay. Cum with me.”

“Ah—thank you!”

After a few thorough, full, and harsh thrusts, Changbin sank himself deep within you one last time and came inside as you creamed all over him as well. Both of your voices were strained especially after screaming in unison as you finished.

It took a while to ground yourselves back to reality, but it was worth the effort.

You both cleaned yourselves up as you gave Changbin an actual massage in the restroom. Fingers in the ass felt good but left him relearning how to stand on his own. Without your assistance, he wouldn’t know how he’d make it out of the bathroom. He also gave you rubs around the skin he squeezed and thrust onto. Giggles and kisses here and there against running water felt calming and domestic. The both of you put your extra clothes on and sat yourselves down on the same bench. 

After packing your things, you realized how fucked out he still looked. He looked pretty with his cheeks puffed out, eyes still glossy, and lips parted as they were tinted with your love earlier. Though he’s cute this way, he still seemed so tired, neck hunched as if his previous horny thoughts weighed his head down. You naturally felt bad so you silently patted your shoulder. Your signal urged him to inch closer and collapse his head beside your collarbone.

“Again, thank you,” Changbin said with a shy smile. “Didn’t expect this, but seriously, thank you.”

“No worries. I’m always happy to help you.”

He shook his head at your response. “Uhm…this…this will—this is going to sound—well…” Changbin stuttered as he fidgeted with his flushed hands. “I don’t mean to be rude so I wanted to ask…”

He was a stammering mess. He thought his words over for a second before lifting his head a little higher. “Could we…hang out sometime? I just…I want to spend more time with you, is all.”

Your eyes lit up at his words. “Oh, of course, sure!” 

“Oh, hah, okay. Thank you. I just wanted to be sure, I didn’t want to make it seem like…I only see you like this. I-I don’t. I really like you—I really love you. I’d love to know you better outside of this.”

As the words escaped his mouth, the confident and bright Leo man that you admired seemed to reemerge before you. You have to admit: despite everything, Changbin’s one hell of a respectful, wonderful gentleman. Clarifying that he wasn’t objectifying you should be the bare minimum, but you could sense within his intentions that he means it and more.

“No need to sweat it, Binnie,” you responded, making him blush again.

“Really?” Changbin jokingly wiped the sweat off his forehead, making the both of you giggle. The air was warm but the energy you two shared was chill at the same time.

“Really, though. I appreciate it. I’d love to know you better, too.” You pressed a kiss on his temple, reheating his cheeks.

The both of you exited the gym with your hands interlocked. He smelled like sex, shampoo, and you, but who gives a fuck?

You never really expected your client, the one and only Seo Changbin, to be your boyfriend after five sessions alone.

taglist: @toastyseungmo @hobihearteu @biddes-enthusiast @snow-pegasus @subby-kpop @myrandomthoughtsandhobbies @eggielix @turnipfizzle @my-favorite-bangchan @chrisbahng @hanniecheesecake

special mentions to @hyun-bun and @ppiri-bahng for their own gym-themed writing that inspired multiple parts of this fic as well, please check them out! hugest thank you to @meivida for proofreading and sending me endless reassurance and support!!

thank you for reading ! consider reblogging and leaving feedback if you loved my work 💗 artwork and writing © ipegchangbin. no reposts and translations.

[sayitdido]

Nah cause are your request still open?? Like can you do smut? This in my mind all day.. Don't know how to say this but... Yeonjun stalker (non idol) and twitch streamer Reader? Lmaooo I know it's cringe enough but I really wanted this😭😭

a/n: i went overboard and it turned out a lot darker than i thought so sorry anon if this was not what you wanted.

disclaimer: this is a lot darker than my usual fics and contains stalker yandere behavior and revarding this behavior, just know that this kind of action is problematic irl and i do not condone or try to romanticize these kind of actions!this is all fiction!

warnings: stalking, yandere!yeonjun, dom!yeonjun, sub!reader, bdsm, possesiveness, gagging with underwear, degradation, dacryphilia, bondage, yeonjun beats reader up but it is a consensual action,stomach punching, edging(?), reader's mental health is fucked up so she acts self destructive, basically she just lets yeonjun be as problematic as he wants, let me know if there is any that i have missed!

it was as if you were asking for someone to stalk you. always posting your location when you go to a coffee shop or showing the interior of your house which was pretty similar to yeonjun. it was the exact same interior of one of his friends. just to make sure, he followed you home after your post revealed that you were having a brunch in a nearby restaurant.

as he learnt you flat's number, he also checked up your locks to see whether or not it would be easy to break in. he convinced himself that he wasn't actually gonna do that. it was crazy and sick even for him. he was contend with seeing you afar.

but it all changed in one of your streams you talked about a guy you liked. when you talked about his appearance, yeonjun realized you were talking about him. so that menant you saw? and still did nothing to stop the guy who follows you everywhere. were you into that? crazy, he thought.

even though he liked the idea you liking him, the fact that you were still into him after all he had done made him think how stupid you must be to fall for him or too naive to even notice.all he had to do was to use this to his advantage. and with that you saw a 1k tip telling you to confess to him.

it is all gonna worth it, he thought. and since you accepted his challange, there was only one thing left to do, to wait.

he was there sitting close to you waiting. you with all of your courage went up to him. you greeted him, so did he. and finally you said it. "i have been seeing you around for a while. and couldn't help it but you caught my attention. i was wondering if you were up for a date? with me of course." he smiled with victory. he was right even though your description of him wasn't that specific. worth every penny, didn't you?

after he gladly accepted your dating proposal, you two made plans for your first date which ended up being the best date you ever had. of course it would, he knew everything about you. this included what you liked and what you didn't like in a date. even though it is your first date you ended up inviting him over.

you finally felt the need to confess. "you are a dangerous person, right?" a shocked but not surprised expression covered his face. "you want me and you can hurt me. i knew you were stalking me. but instead of being disgusted with the idea, i craved you. i will let you hurt me, i just have one condition."

"what is it?" he asked. "keep me. isn't that also what you want? you probably didn't stalk me for a whole year that i know of and paid me a thousand dollars to confess to you just for one fuck but i need to know for sure." he laughed to your desperation. "of course i am going to keep you but the real question is why do you want this?" you didn't know how to answer. and you sure knew if it wasn't yeonjun but some unattractive middle aged dude in front of you, you wouldn't even want this. "i don't know. maybe i think i deserve it or maybe it's just that you are hot and i am stupid." he smirked.

"come here." he ordered. as soon as you went up to him, he lifted your skirt to took of your panties and stuffed it into your mouth before getting you fully naked. "will you be okay if i were to hurt you anyway i want?" you nodded desperately. "good girl." he praised. "ah some part of me thinks you are too precious to do what i am about to do yet i also need to put desperate slut in her place." you felt fear and excitement covering you whole body at the same time. also he thought you were precious? you felt soft even in a situation like this.

"go to your bed, now." you immediately followed his orders. and layed down on you back. "good girl." he gave you the same praise before punching your stomach. your eyes opened with shocked but you couldn't deny how it turned you on. just as you calmed down a little another one followed. "such a useful whore for me. taking everything without questioning." and another one.

your eyes starting to tear up with pain, your body squirming without your control, he decicmded to tie you up. after finishing the fourth punch followed. "one final one and then we are done, okay?" you nodded. even though you liked it, you were glad than it was soon over. and when the final punch hitted your stomach you screamed in pain audible even in your gagged state and actually started crying.

"i know, i know. but you should see yourself your cries are just masterpiece. you can't even imagine how turned on i am." as you were calming down you felt his hands on your cunt. playing and toying with it, never letting you orgasm. "we are going to have so much fun~" he said while you stared his dar gaze.

credits to: @/cafekitsune for +18 banners!

[underratedandoverit]

You Wanna Wish Away Your Sins (3/3)

After losing to Best Friends at Arcade Anarchy, Kip undergoes shoulder surgery. One person reaching out to him afterwards sends Kip spiraling, turning all the pain and suffering in him into… Flowers? Flowers growing in his lungs?

Kip Sabian/Chuck Taylor. Hanahaki disease. Angst. Hurt/comfort. Emotional hurt/comfort. One-sided attraction. Also tagged this from now on with manipulative Kip.

Marked Mature on AO3 for general content. Warnings for mentions of hospitals, surgery, medical stuff. Described feelings for choking and vomiting.

Other characters on-screen include Penelope Ford, Orange Cassidy. Rest of Best Friends are mentioned. Background ship of Penelope/Kris is heavily implied, but never specifically shown.

part 1 || part 2

On AO3

Finishing this took way longer than I intended. Oops. Mental illness and whatever be damned yada yada. But it's over now. And I am content. It's a whole fic and ended just as I wanted and had planned, surprisingly no surprises during writing lol. I hope it makes sense, there's a little bit there that doesn't get explained, but I have convinced myself that people can put the pieces together considering the mental state Kip is in and how the hanahaki disease works so. Yeah.

If you have read this far, thank you so much, I really appreciate you and your patience if you have waited for this to finish since I originally posted in early September. I see all the kudos and subs attached, they mean the world to me. Would love to hear your thoughts of this now that it's over, as there was a lot of time (obviously lol) and love put into this, so it would mean a lot ;; But I appreciate you all so much either way, thank you for sticking by and reading!! 💜💜

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate @ss-trashboat

----------------------

Kip tried to keep his eyes on the television, but he wasn’t registering anything he saw on the screen. Even if he was technically interested in watching the game that was being played, Kip would have much rather been looking at something else. Or someone else. That someone being the man sitting on the couch next to him, being much more into the activity of playing a video game that he was partaking in that Kip was.

While he was glad that Chuck was coming over far more often these days, at the same time it did grind Kip’s mind that they had fallen into this false routine of a casual friendship. Chuck would appear on his doorstep, bring a movie or a game with him for them to busy themselves with that day, maybe some snacks and energy drinks, and the rest of the day they would just hang out, consume the media of the day, and that would be it.

Same talking points every single day. Sitting in the silently designated spots on the couch just far enough from one another that even by accident their hands wouldn’t brush against each other unless they were passing the food and drinks around. Eye contact was brief, almost uncomfortably so if it managed to exist in the first place, and only when one got up from the couch and asked if the other needed something or something similarly surprising happened. Maybe a laugh could gather a quick glance, maybe a sneeze, a cough. And even then it was more often Chuck doing that to Kip, while Kip was trying to steal looks into his direction any chance he could, hoping Chuck would catch a hint.

It had been days, weeks even, maybe. How many, Kip had lost a count somewhere after the first few days, partially because of the pain he was going through, partially because he still found the whole situation so absurd. But the thing he knew for sure, was that it had been too many for comfort.

Every time Kip watched Chuck walk out the door of his house again at the end of the day, his breathing became a little bit tighter, the stabbing pain in his chest more prominent, the sleep during that following night a little shorter.

He was so tired of it all, and with every day that passed him by, it was pushing Kip closer to the realization that he finally had to do something about things. Before the pain was too paralyzing, before the thoughts became too much. Before he just couldn’t do anything about it anymore, before it was all too late.

“…Hey? Kip?”

The Brit blinked blankly a few times, finally registering the voice calling out to him after the words had been repeated a few times. His eyes slowly dragged away from the television screen, facing the brunet sitting on the couch next to him, Chuck looking at him with worry and concern. It was almost adorable to Kip how his brows furrowed and eyes darted around his facial features in clear worry. Almost.

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

Chuck sighed, Kip trying to offer him an apologetic smile as he watched Chuck running a hand through his hair, eyes turning away from the other man again as he shook his head a little. Kip had been too deep in his own head, with his own thoughts to notice Chuck had even tried to talk to him, the guilt almost immediately gnawing on him at the mere thought. He was supposed to try to pay attention to him, to try to make Chuck realize the situation, how close they were, to understand his feelings, to close the gap, to --

“I just wanted to know if you were hungry. We could order something in, maybe. If you’d like.”

For once Kip was thankful that Chuck wasn’t looking straight at him, his cheeks flushing red for a brief moment as he registered the words. Ordering food? Together? At his place, like this, out of the blue? For the first time?

It almost sounded like a date night proposal in Kip’s ears.

He quickly shook the thought from his head, turning away from Chuck to make sure he didn’t even by accident catch a glimpse of the blush decorating his face, desperately trying to not have the words caught in his throat, only partially succeeding.

“Ye-yeah that would be great.”

Chuck was so sincere about this question, just like he always was about everything, he was probably just hungry himself, and Kip was overthinking it all. Once again. But also, what if…

“Great. What would you like to eat?” Chuck’s words cut Kip’s thought process off again, his eyes slowly returning to the other man, watching Chuck pull his phone out of his pocket, eyes landing onto it, seemingly to avoid eye contact with Kip, who just shrugged a little. “I don’t know. Whatever sounds good.”

Chuck’s brows furrowed, suddenly looking back at Kip, making the Brit jump a little. This wasn’t the kind of reaction Kip had expected to his words, swallowing a little surprise lump in his throat as all of a sudden he was very unsure again where this was going. He hated nothing more than the unpredictable nature of their relationship, not being able to read Chuck at moments like this, mostly due to his own emotions and thoughts clouding his judgment and understanding of what the situation called for from him.

“…Okay, I’m going to be fully honest with you.”

The suddenly rather serious tone of Chuck’s voice made Kip’s eyes widen a little, he could feel his whole body tensing up at the sudden shift. Chuck offered him a small smile, most likely in hopes of trying to calm down Kip’s very obviously surprised demeanor, but seeing that smile just made Kip’s whole mind skip another beat instead.

“I’ve been worried about you recently. I actually talked with Penelope yesterday after I left, and she feels much the same way as I do.”

Chuck? Worried? About him? Chuck? Kip’s head was spinning, but he just nodded his head, not even acknowledging the fact that Chuck was also talking about Penelope being involved in this. All Kip cared about was that Chuck was thinking about him, outside of this room, outside of this couch, when he wasn’t around.

Chuck was thinking, and talking, about him.

“You’ve been… Seemingly getting worse each day I see you. You lack sleep, you lack food, you lack energy. I understand you are in a lot of pain with the shoulder and all, but you need to take care of yourself, Kip. Mine and Penelope’s help will only get you so far.”

Kip just looked at him quietly, trying to process the statement in his head, but all his thoughts retracted back to the overall realization that Chuck was worried about him. Thinking about him. That Chuck at least seemed to care more than he led on directly to him, at least before this very moment at hand.

“If there’s something wrong that you need help with, other than what we have been providing so far, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask, you know?”

Kip felt his head nodding itself, despite not approving of the movement in his mind. He was running on a practiced autopilot, still afraid that one casual movement might fuck all this up for him, not being the kind of response that Chuck wanted. This seemed to be enough for the brunet for now though as Chuck nodded back at him, eyes slowly returning to the phone in his hand. Right, he was ordering food. Right.

“So, again: what do you want to eat today? You can get anything you want, as long as it makes you eat. We just want to make sure you take care of yourself.”

At the same time it was endearing that Chuck was doing this for him, but Kip also knew he had to put a stop to this, all of it. While yes his current and constantly worsening condition was making him neglect his own basic needs, both which directly as a result affected his appetite and energy levels, Kip knew that trying to eat some proper food one day wasn’t the answer to his problems. Above all else, his condition was making it not only difficult to breathe, but the pain in his chest and particularly in his lungs made eating at this point a near impossible task.

As the silence from the Brit continued, Chuck glanced towards him, spotting Kip just looking back at him. Whether he was deep in thought or just staring, Chuck wasn’t quite sure.

“Kip?”

“I’m not hungry.”

At least it wasn’t a lie in a sense. Chuck raised a brow at him, slowly lowering the hand holding his phone onto his lap, eyes narrowing a little. Chuck’s eyes lingered on him just a little bit too long, forcing Kip to look away, back towards the television with the frozen game pause screen on it.

“You need to eat something.”

“Food can’t fix this.”

Kip could feel the confusion radiating from Chuck’s face, probably his entire being at this point, but he just couldn’t look back at him. It was so much easier for Kip to process his thoughts if he wasn’t looking at what he was sure was a very worried expression on the brunet sitting on the couch a few feet away from him.

He heard Chuck sigh. Not a very good sign.

“If you eat something, you get energy. You feel better. I shouldn’t need to explain all this to you. Kip, please --”

“This isn’t about food.”

Chuck fell silent as Kip cut him off, probably a bit more aggressively than necessary, but he was tired of this. All of this. Both his inability to do anything about the situation even though he desperately, so very desperately needed it, and the way they both seemed to just dance around the topic and the issues at hand. To Kip, Chuck offering to order him food was nothing but a detour that he couldn’t afford to wait to take to where he eventually needed to be. Kip had suffered long enough, mostly due to his own faults, yes, but Chuck jumping in to push his buttons like this, while a step in the right direction, wasn’t a fast enough track to where they needed to be.

Where Kip needed to be if he wanted to make it through all of this, it seemed like.

“…Are you mad at me?”

Kip’s eyes narrowed a little, but he still didn’t turn to look towards Chuck. All he heard was another quiet sigh.

“I don’t know how many times I can apologize for what happened. You know it was an accident. I’m sorry --”

“I don’t want you to apologize. I don’t care about that.”

If something, it was supposed to be Kip who apologized for everything, and he knew that painfully well.

“Then what is it?”

Kip swallowed thickly, being absolutely certain that Chuck could not only see it but also hear him do it. Kip’s eyes slowly dragged back to him, watching the confusion all over the brunet’s face. If the situation wasn’t so dire and heavy, Kip would have found the look on him endearing. Right now though, seeing Chuck not put the pieces together so easily, filled him with dread instead, along with the knowledge that Kip knew exactly what he needed to do next and the can of worms that he needed to open if he ever wanted to have a shot at things getting better again.

“I need…” Kip stopped, the confusion on Chuck’s face slowly melting into a more expecting look. Both of them were still clearly hesitant, Chuck not knowing what to expect out of him and Kip not being so sure how he was going to phrase this so it made even some sort of sense.

Just say it.

“I… I need you to kiss me.”

The silence that fell into the room felt like it was knocking all the remaining air out of Kip. The longer he looked at Chuck and the unreadable look lingering on his face after the words slipped out of Kip’s mouth, the worse he felt about everything. For once he was being honest about this entire situation and what he wanted out of it, and yet it felt like a worse mistake than anything he had lied to Chuck about so far.

He wanted this. He needed this. This was the trigger Kip had been so afraid to pull for so long now, but he knew that if he didn’t finally say those words, no matter the reaction, it would have terrible consequences for him. He was already suffering, the roots of his problem crawling deeper into his lungs every single day he put it off without even trying to make anything out of it. Kip was tired of it, he was suffering immensely because of it, he just needed to do something. Anything.

After what felt like forever of Chuck just staring at him, Kip was snapped out of his thoughts as Chuck took in a sharp breath, the only way Kip was able to describe his expression being polite confusion.

“You, uh… You what?”

Not sure if Chuck was just making sure or if he really hadn’t understood the statement, Kip bit his lower lip as he turned away from the other man. He inhaled slowly, preparing himself to say those words again. Kip did it once, he could do it again. It was a necessary step forward.

“I-I need. To kiss you. You to kiss me. So-something like that.”

As Chuck didn’t reply for a while, Kip stole a quick glance towards him, trying to gather an overview of the situation. Much to his surprise, Chuck looked like he was in deep thought for a second, as if he was pondering over the request. At least he wasn’t outright denying it from Kip, which in turn as he realized it, made his heart jump back into his throat.

The burning as Kip nervously waited for an answer was worse than the thorns poking inside of his lungs at the moment.

“Would that help? Make you feel better?”

Kip nodded almost instantly, the motion almost frantic, something he couldn’t control. Still clearly in his thoughts, Chuck nodded as well.

“I mean,” he muttered, a hand slowly reaching closer to Kip, the Brit’s focus turning on it with slightly widening eyes, “If… If it helps. I guess.”

Kip watched his hand stopping to hover close to him, slowly his own hand reaching for it. He could feel Chuck’s fingers gently wrapping around his hand, giving it a little tuck, an invitation to come closer. Kip followed suit, shifting over on the couch to slowly make his way to sit down right next to Chuck. For the first time since they had started doing this, for the first time since Chuck had started to spend the days over to keep him company. There had always been a cold, untouched gap between the two of them on the couch, but this was the first time it had been broken, filled, fixed.

And all it took was a small request that Kip should have been able to do in the first place, but it took him weeks and actual concern from Chuck to get to this point.

But there he was now, Chuck still gently holding his hand, running this thumb over his knuckles. A soft, still kind of unsure smile crossing his lips as he was looking Kip straight in the eyes. Chuck clearly wasn’t budging back on this, honestly much to Kip’s surprise, as his free hand slowly crept up to the Brit’s face, palm pressing against his cheek. Chuck’s hand was surprisingly cold against his flushed skin.

“…You sure?”

It was almost as if Chuck was asking that from himself more than Kip, but he pushed the thought aside, just nodding his head again. Without another word, Chuck leaned closer, finally closing the gap that had been antagonizing Kip these past few weeks without remorse, locking their lips together.

The kiss was awkward and hesitant at first, but slowly it felt more natural as they both seemed to relax into it. Soft and homey, but Kip could taste his own desperation in it despite all of it. He knew how badly he not only wanted, but needed this. While he could have joked that it was the matter of life and death, to him it was actually no joke, but merely the cruel reality he barely understood himself at all. Feeling Chuck’s lips finally against his, after the excruciatingly long amount of time of craving and needing nothing more than to taste him so desperately he was suffering from the withdrawals more and more every day, Kip’s mind went blank. He could feel Chuck close, hear his breathing, slowly allowing himself to enjoy it, running a thumb over Kip’s cheek.

Kip had been waiting for this moment for so long, craving for this so badly, that he needed more now that he finally had it, pushing the boundaries first as he found himself without a single coherent thought giving a small bite on Chuck’s lower lip, a silent, desperate request for a deeper kiss. A deeper meaning.

A request that was granted to him, but was also almost immediately and far too fast ripped away from him as Chuck suddenly jolted away, as if he had suddenly in the midst of all of this realized what he was doing and thought better of it.

Eyes opening as Kip felt the hand disappear from his face, he leaned slightly back, watching in emotions swimming in disappointment and confusion as Chuck’s eyes were suddenly on his phone again, the piece of tech buzzing on his lap, suddenly demanding his attention. Almost as if it was mocking Kip and how close he had finally gotten.

“So-sorry, I have to take this.”

Kip just nodded, feeling the body heat of the other man disappearing from around him as Chuck’s hand left his, grabbing a hold of the phone before he stood up, answering the sudden call. He could still salvage this, it wasn’t all lost. Chuck hadn’t denied him this, by the way he was acting it was obvious to Kip that this wasn’t just all in his head. Maybe the kiss had been brief, but there was compassion behind it, he was very gentle about it, there --

“What do you mean that was today?”

Kip’s eyes slowly traveled up to Chuck, watching the brunet run a hand over his face as he sighed. “Yeah I know, I know you need me there for that, just… I was kinda in the middle of something…”

The silence that followed that statement and the way Chuck couldn’t look back at Kip made a familiar lump climb its way back in his throat. Kip tried to cough it out quietly, not to attract attention to himself, just watching as Chuck stepped a little bit further away from him.

“I can be there in twenty minutes, I guess. …Alright, I’ll see you then.”

As he hung up the call, Chuck didn’t even need to say anything. He was sure Kip had heard most of it, and the apologetic eyes and the small smile he offered to him as he finally turned back towards the Brit really didn’t help the case.

“Sorry, I completely forgot we had a photoshoot to do today, I… I gotta go.”

Kip nodded his head, but remained silent as he stood up from the couch. At least this was a start, they were going somewhere. He had put at least part of his desires out there, for Chuck to reach out and react to, if nothing else. This was a beginning, hopefully for the better. Kip wasn’t sure how fast he was supposed to be feeling the effects of his love and affections being returned to him, but so far he was blaming the sick feeling in his throat on the sudden change of pace in the room rather than Chuck not returning his feelings like before.

Maybe he had read all of this wrong. Maybe the sickness had caught up with him just because he didn’t know this was mutual. That had to be it, right?

Kip walked him to the door, Chuck turning back to him again as he rested his hand on the door handle.

“Look, I’m really sorry I have to go, I just completely forgot about this. You know, with having to worry about you and all.”

Kip could feel a smile tucking the corner of his lips, allowing at least a part of it to show. As sad as he was having to watch Chuck walk away yet again without a resolution to this whole problem, at least there was hope. Chuck smiled back at him, leaning closer to press a quick little peck on Kip’s lips, catching the Brit off guard, leaving him looking back at him with wide eyes as Chuck opened the door, stepping outside.

“I’ll see you again tomorrow, alright?”

Kip could only nod before Chuck closed the door, leaving him standing there, heart racing and beating loudly between his ears. Kip leaned against the closed door, inhaling deeply before he sighed, the content smile on his lips only wiped away as he coughed softly, eyes shooting open to witness the handful of purple tinted rose petals he let out of his mouth.

No.

Chuck Taylor still didn’t love him.

----------------------------------------

“…Are you sure it’s him?”

Cassidy shrugged his shoulders a little. “I mean, who else could it be? Besides, he has photos of himself that he signs and hands out and a big board on the table with the name ‘Kip Sabian’ on it, so…”

Chuck sighed, running a hand over his face before rolling his eyes. “You could have led with that information, you know.”

Cassidy didn’t reply back to him, just observed the brunet on the couch through his sunglasses. “I thought you would have known. Aren’t you two friends or something?”

Chuck avoided looking directly back at him, trying to make it seem like the question didn’t sting. He hadn’t seen Kip since that day, he never opened the door when Chuck came over the following day or answered any of his calls or texts since. He had been living in complete darkness over what had actually happened with Kip, even Penelope refused to tell him anything apart from a general ‘he’s fine’ every time Chuck asked her something.

“I told you, that was months ago.”

Cassidy just nodded, stopping to observe Chuck as the other man just tried to focus back on lacing his boots. After a long, lingering silence the blond broke it as he spoke up again.

“Do you want to go see him?”

Chuck stopped, eyes slowly dragging up to Cassidy again. He seemed sincere in that question, and if Chuck was being honest, that had been the first thought in his mind since Cassidy had waltzed into the locker room with the news that Kip had been sighted inside the building. The premise seemed rather odd to him, but at the same time, he wouldn’t have put something like that past Kip. A silent man with a suit and a cardboard box on his head, doing a signing that hadn’t been advertised for anyone beforehand. Sounded like it was just down Kip’s alley, in some really weird way, to him.

“Is he still there?”

“Probably,” Cassidy shrugged again. “He seemed to be just setting up when we went into the cafeteria like twenty minutes ago. I doubt he has left yet.”

While he wasn’t quite sure how to take any of it, let alone how Kip was going to take it if he showed up, Chuck nodded a little, still a bit hesitant. Cassidy mirrored the movement, before nodding his head towards the locker room door, asking Chuck to follow him. Not that he didn’t know where the cafeteria was in the building, they had walked past it when they had entered earlier, but maybe his hesitance was on the surface enough that Cassidy thought taking the lead was going to make him regret this less. Make it easier for him.

Chuck followed Cassidy outside, tracking through the hallways for a moment before they arrived at their destination. It was extremely easy to spot the individual not belonging into the group of people in the big, bright, well-lit room, the man standing in the middle of it all by a large table messed up with multiple scattered photos around it, hands behind his suited back as he was observing the room through the eye holes poked on a box over his head.

Chuck swallowed thickly. It didn’t matter if he didn’t see his face, all that was enough for him to recognize him immediately, no matter how many months it had been since or how much things had changed between now and then.

He was so focused on reading the words on the front of the box that Chuck didn’t notice the eyes inside of it land on him. The distance made it a bit harder, sure, but the lights were bright enough and the dark circles surrounding the eyes made them pop for Cassidy to notice the stare at first, even if it wasn’t directed at him.

“Hey,” he muttered, carefully elbowing Chuck to the side to get his attention. “He sees you. I think you should at least go say hello.”

Blinking himself back to the situation, Chuck glanced at Cassidy on his side, the blond just shrugging at him a little. Maybe Chuck’s nervousness was obvious, maybe Cassidy quickly put two and two together from what Chuck had told him before about how their last meeting had ended, but he only sighed, once again leading the way towards the man in a suit and the box, Kip’s eyes never leaving Chuck as they approached. Chuck on the other hand tried to look at everything except him, until he was stopped to stand right in front of the other man he hadn’t seen in months until now.

Through the eye holes of the box Chuck could see his vacant stare just blankly staring back at him, saying it all without saying anything at the same time. Kip looked at him briefly, before providing a photo from the inside pocket of his suit jacket, pulling a marker seemingly out of nowhere along with it. He scribbled something quickly on the photo, handing it to Cassidy, and walked away without looking back or acknowledging either of them further.

Cassidy looked at the photo for a moment before handing it over to Chuck. It was an old promo picture of Kip, in his Superbad gear, with his face crossed over with a red marker and some messy text scribbled next to him.

‘Time changes us all. Embrace the change.’

[punks-never-die205]

Hello! 😊 I saw you list the kinkiest crews on someone else's ask. I know this is a kid pirate blog, but can I ask why heart pirates are at 4? They seem too cute to be kinky, so I was super curious to know your take on it.

XD I don’t mind talking about different crews - I only made crew specific blogs to keep my main focused on socializing and my side blogs for longer fics and shares - but it’s all me so it’s all good.

As for why I rank the Heart Pirates there is because the most bubbly pop rock and bubblegum personality you know can also be the most depraved little unhinged kinky bastard. It’s all personal head canon of course, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with someone seeing them as a vanilla crew, but that’s just not the vibes I get.

Law is intimately familiar with the body because of both his studies and his fruit. I almost think half of that distant demeanor he puts on is specifically to help create a wall between him and his patients/victims, but when he warms up to someone he’s fully capable of lighting their nerves on fire in the best ways.

Dom, top, bottom, or sub, he just has a fantastic fruit for kink.

I also see Penguin and Shachi as a kind of Good Dom/Bad Dom pairing - despite the goof ball antics I think they definitely shift behind closed doors. From social creatures to hunters in a snap.

Most of the rest of the crew is pretty switch (I do love the idea that Bepo is a decisive and stern dom behind closed doors, he’s just such an apologetic little puff ball I think the dissonance would be wonderful.)

But, that’s why they’re at #4 - I see their internal relationships being almost as complicated as things are on the Kid crew.

[nikethestatue]

If you don’t feel comfy answering this question, don’t worry about it, just ignore. Yesterday I saw some people saying that when shipping azris and putting them in a dynamic of dom/sub, specifically with eris as the sub, is problematic because they’re both alpha and it’s forcing heteronormative roles onto them, and if people do this, it’s not actually azris. (I’m paraphrasing). Personally I rolled my eyes at this coming from someone who thinks there’s no problem with elucien and it’s fine to have her be the sub and him be the dom. And who cares if they take on different roles in the bedroom than they seem in daily life, or if their roles are made up by a fic writer? Would it be problematic if it were Gwyn doing BDSM on Azriel even if, apparently, he is a clear alpha? Why are we policing crackship? However I don’t want to be insensitive and perhaps I’m not understanding. I just hate when the other side cries moral outrage, but I don’t want to contribute to a harmful narrative either

Isnt this the whole idea of a crack ship? Putting characters that will likely never ever be together in situations according to your imagination.

Talking about who is more 'alpha' in an Arzis situation is just as absurd as Gwyn being into BDSM with Azriel, or Elain falling in love with Tamlin and being dominated by him, because of flowers.

The whole idea about crackships is that you allow characters that would never get together be together and act out whatever sexual or non-sexual scenes/desires you have as an artist or writer.

I write a reverse harem for Elain. It's a CRACKSHIP. I think everyone understands that it is, and therefore discussions about her getting double or triple teamed are ...again, absurd.

It's ridiculous to assume that if a person has dominant tendencies in the bedroom he is automatically an Alpha in life, or vice versa. Two 'Alphas' can have sex, and still remain alphas, with one being less or more dominant during the act.

Finally, these people don't know what an Alpha is. Also, the concept of an Alpha doesn't even apply to Azriel or Eris, so it's a moot point.

[pebblysand]

🎉⏳!

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

wow. what a difficult and interesting one. thanks for asking! i think, for me, ultimately, i'll consider a fic a success if i can re-read it a year down the line and without cringing. that's my standard. it might sound pretty low, but if a year later i'm like, 'yeah, this makes sense and i like it/would read it,' then that's a huge success in my book. i get very critical of my own work sometimes, so to me, that's very valuable.

i know a lot of people might base their measure of success on some sort of metric (kudos, hits, etc.) but as i said on the pod a few weeks ago, being someone who started writing in really small fandoms where getting just one comment is already a huge win, i find it very hard to measure fic metrics on HP, because what others might perceive as "bad" or "not enough" already feels very huge to me. i will always remember when castles got twenty subs or something and i saw that and was super baffled, thought to myself: wow, that's more people than i could fit in my flat if we all wanted to have a party. i also think the fics that i like best are not necessarily the ones that get the most attention (hinny, for example, is mathematically more mainstream than, say, deamus or bill/fleur, so my hinny fics will always get more attention, regardless of their quality) so ultimately, metrics aren't something i pay attention to much. if i did, i suppose i'd be writing dramione soulmates au-s to appeal to the people, not super niche content about seamus finnigan haha.

i'm aware that it may sound a tad self-centered to only base my assessment of my success on my own feelings, for which i apologise, but i feel like the metrics i'm given aren't ones i feel are particularly relevant to anything. though, i will say, i did randomly notice recently that castles actually ranks quite high on the sub-genre of post-war, canon-compliant fics on ao3 in terms of kudos and bookmarks (just checked again, 26th for kudos, and 13th for bookmarks), which did make me quite happy. not life-changing happy, but it was a nice thing to find out, you know?

lastly, i think something that i also consider a success is if i get any comments where people tell me they liked it, or why they did. more specifically, if you've read my fics, you'll know that my work touches on a lot of very sensitive topics, such as ptsd, sexual assault, etc. when i get positive comments about these things, or sometimes very personal messages from people telling me writing about these things helped them cope with/understand their own realities better, that's honestly more than i could ever hope for. i can't even find words to describe that feeling. it's not success, it's something better. connecting with people and making people feel things is the reason why a lot of us write (certainly why i write), and when it works? it's the best feeling in the world.

but, tldr: i guess my measure of success is more based on subjective elements (e.g. my own assessment or individual comments from people telling they related to my stories) than any objective metric.

⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

this is hard to answer at the moment, but i'm hoping i'll have better data in a while as i've just recently started tracking my writing time to assess this more precisely. for anything in the 3,000/4,000 words range (or lower), you can generally assume i probably wrote those over a weekend, so maybe, idk, 12 hours? i tend to edit one-shots less than i do chapters/longer works, so even for longer one-shots like slipped, we're probably looking at maybe 20/30 hours?

for castles chapters (or something substantial like the fault in faulty manufacturing which is a one-shot, but over 27k) i would say, writing time itself is probably somewhere between 50 and 100 hours, depending on how much writer's block i get, lol. then editing, probably another hundred? so like, probably between 150 and 250 hours total. so, between 4 and 7 weeks at 40 hours a week, if this was my full-time job, which it's not.

is it worth it? honestly i don't know. is my content better than that of someone who doesn't even spend half this time? i also don't know. whenever i think about it, it makes me a bit depressed haha. but it is the way i function lol :/

thanks again for the questions ❤️. these are lovely

(and for everyone else who sent some in, i'll do them tomorrow and queue them up for the next few days 🥰)

[jplupine]

⛓Feral Possession: Chapter 30⛓

What's This Feeling?

Pairing: Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez x Wynter Hughes [Nonbinary OC] Word Count: ~7.2k WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI, Exophilia, Demon!Grimmjow, Feral Behavior, Blood and Gore, Near Death Experience, Size Difference, Cock Ring, Praise Kink, Masturbation, Vaginal Fingering, Cunnilingus, Face Sitting, Hair Pulling, Vaginal Sex, Biting, Creampie, Sub!Switch!Grimmjow Note: Terms such as pussy/cock/dick/etc. get used. If that makes you uncomfortable, you may want to skip this fic.

Summary: After finally getting back home, Wynter gives Grimmjow an unconventional crown.

You can also read it on AO3!

Masterlist | Chapter 30:

  "Wynter!" Sajin barked, and my head shot in his direction. I'd been busy grinding plants for healing spells only to stop when he gestured for me to go over to where he stood.

  Getting up from the table, the other exorcists were watching me. Grimmjow remained where he sat with his arms crossed and his face in that resting grumpy expression of his. I could feel his eyes following me as I walked toward the higher-ranked exorcist.

  "Yes, sir?"

  "Follow me." Sajin turned to walk away, and I trailed after him. "You're aware the Soul Society isn't happy with your.... 'situation' with that Espada."

  "I heard they were kinda split."

  "We are." He replied while walking toward the treeline. "I was personally one of those that voted against waiting to see what would happen." My eyes widened a fraction while looking at Sajin. I knew he was high on the exorcist food chain, but I hadn't thought he'd be that high up.

  "And why are you telling me this?"

  "Because I still don't agree with it. However, allowing things to continue this far has had unforeseen outcomes. You're a good exorcist, Wynter. I can see that." Sajin continued as he walked deeper into the woods. "You have great potential."

  "And your issue with that is?" I quirked up a brow.

  "I know there's more going on between you and Pantera." Sajin's tone was firm, and I didn't outwardly react.

  "And why bring me out here to say such a thing to me?" I questioned, and the larger man finally stopped and turned to face me.

  "Because I want to know what you did to him." His eyes narrowed, as he crossed his arms over his broad chest. "Pantera is known for his ruthlessness and his core of destruction. He's murdered swaths of civilians and exorcists alike, burned villages to the ground, and even fed upon other Arrancar that got in his way. And yet, somehow, he has been genuinely mentoring you. Watching over you in a way not befitting a demon after a powerful soul. Even just moments ago, I saw him monitoring your work to make sure you were doing it properly. So what is it? A curse? Something from Jordan?"

  I was tempted to laugh, and I was so glad I had held out to hear what Sajin thought was going on. I'd been worried he figured out I was having sex with Grimmjow, but he thankfully hadn't.

  "It's no curse nor anything my uncle left behind." I replied with a calm tone while sliding my hands into my pockets. "All Arrancar used to be humans at some point. The more powerful ones being legions of human souls, as you know. Pantera is no different. However, because of our special circumstances, I was capable of working with him to find common ground. He's still that demon capable of devastation, but now other parts of his personality are able to show."

  "You truly believe that?"

  "Yes, I do. You can even read all of the reports made on my discoveries concerning Arrancars, and Pantera specifically. They were sent to your research department. Those aren't bogus claims."

  "You must understand how difficult it is to believe Pantera of all demons came to mentor someone like you who had no magickal abilities whatsoever. Teaching you as he has wouldn't even remotely be in his best interest."

  "That's where you're wrong. Pantera is incredibly selfish. He doesn't want any other demon to get my soul, which is why he started training me. If I can kill any other demon that comes after me, he has no competition. And with him being the Sexta Espada, he himself is incredibly powerful with little to worry about." I shrugged.

  "That I can believe. But his concern for you? His seemingly human behavior? It's a sham."

  "If that's what you believe."

  "It's what I know." Sajin took a step toward me while lowering his hands to his sides. "He's a demon, Wynter. I just don't know how you managed to even get him to fake it."

  "I already explained it. The Espada do have humanity deep within them still. That's all you're seeing here."

  "I need something more tangible to convince me. You are a promising exorcist....and I'm so sorry." Sajin's tone changed before he suddenly grabbed me and threw me.

  As I was going through the air, I felt a tingling sensation wash through me. I hit the ground and rolled a few feet before I managed to stop and sit up. Looking back at Sajin, I saw he was no longer there.

  No- I knew he was just a few yards away since I hadn't seen nor sensed him leaving. However, he was nowhere to be seen. Quickly looking around, I felt my heart pick up pace as I got to my feet.

  Sajin had thrown me outside of the barrier that kept the camp hidden from demons. Having all of these exorcists with powerful souls in one place meant it had to be protected from attacks, except I was now exposed and without a weapon since I'd left it back with Grimmjow.

  I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand on end when I heard rustling in the bushes. Diving to the side, I barely missed being tackled by a demon with skin like bark and branching antlers.

  It was lithe and tall with stretched-out limbs. It turned to face me with an opened mouth full of human-like teeth as a ghastly groan came from the beast. The demon was about to attack again, and that only left me with two options.

  Protect myself while exposing my position to other demons possibly nearby, or run and hope I could get back inside the barrier before the demon caught me.

  The demon pounced with more speed than before, and I rolled out of the way. Claws caught on my sleeve and tore the fabric with ease. I kicked the demon's face when it tried to bite me, but that only gave me a second to get back on my feet.

  I ran toward the barrier, but the demon was faster and cut me off. Drool dripped from its chin as it roared and flexed its claws.

  I had no choice but to fight.

  It came flying at me, and I built up spiritual energy in my hands. With bared teeth, I swung my fist and caught the demon on the jaw. As soon as I felt my knuckles make contact with its bark-like skin, I used even more spiritual energy in my fist, causing the demon's head to explode.

  Panting as I looked down at the body, I waited to make sure it wouldn't get back up again. I was able to confirm it was dead after a few seconds. However, I sensed another demon already rushing my way.

  I barely had time to react to this one that was bigger and faster. Claws dug into my arm, and I fell while crying out in pain. More demons were stalking out from the shadows of the trees after sensing my spiritual energy. They were closing in as the one closest that looked like a bear with a grassy back and exposed ribs licked the blood from its claws.

  These demons were of the feral variety, absolutely mindless and lost to their hunger like starving animals. There was no hope of distracting them to get away.

  The bear-like demon stood on its hind legs and gave a rattling roar as its ribs snapped open like teeth. Its organs were twisting and coiling around rows of fangs, and I was terrified. It came at me, and I closed my eyes while screaming.

  A blast of raw spiritual energy radiated out from me and burned the bear demon to ash. However, the other demons had been far enough to not get hit, and now they were even hungrier after sensing my power. Holding my bleeding arm, I could feel the tears burning down my cheeks.

  I didn't want to die, but I didn't know how long I could last against all of these demons. Was Sajin watching from the safety of the barrier and waiting for me to die? Or had he already left to go kill Pantera with the help of all the other exorcists?

  Without a weapon, there was no way I could fight back against so many demons.

  I was going to die.

  I could see it in the eyes of the hungry demons as they were salivating and stalking closer. I was going to be ripped apart and devoured.

  The bravest two pounced, and a massive arm swung out to slash them into pieces. A large body stood over me now before a roar so loud it shook the air nearly deafened me. The other demons hesitated as Grimmjow lowered his head, and his chest vibrated with a loud, dangerous growl.

  He was pissed and in his Resurrección form.

  Another demon tried to sneak closer, and Grimmjow bit them in half as they screamed in pain. Blood splattered the ground and soaked into the earth from all of the carnage. Grimmjow was merciless as he tore into the other demons.

  His fist caved in one of their skulls before he threw the body at another demon and ripped out one's heart through their back with his other hand. The heart exploded in his grip, and he swung his fist into the jaws of another demon. It bit down on his arm as if it had the upper hand until Grimmjow was yanking back with a hand full of guts.

  The organs were tossed to the side so that he could grab the demon's jaws and rip open its face. He kept going until the demon was entirely in half. Grimmjow was covered in blood and roared again at those that were left standing.

  They ran off back into the woods, and I sniffled. Fuck, he'd saved me again. I was grateful, but it made me feel weak.

  Grimmjow turned to look at me, and I dropped my gaze.

  "Thanks." I sniffled again and swallowed while carefully moving my hand to look at the gashes on my arm. That demon's claws had gone deep, and the wound was still bleeding so much.

  Grimmjow shifted forms as he got closer.

  "Why the fuck would you leave the barrier without your sword?" His tone was surprisingly gentle as he knelt in front of me. "Come on, let me see it." He held out his clawed hand, and I hesitantly raised my arm.

  "I-I-" Swallowing, I then took a deep breath to try and calm down. "I didn't leave the barrier on purpose." Grimmjow tore my sleeve to expose the wound.

  "So how the fuck did you end up out here?" He asked before licking the gashes, and my hands balled into fists as I bit my bottom lip. I didn't answer, and those blue eyes of his looked at me. "Answer me, Little Rabbit." I couldn't.

  I knew all too well what Grimmjow would do if I told him Sajin had thrown me out here. The demon would, without a doubt, try to kill the exorcist.

  "You're healed, stop crying. Now, how'd you end up out here?" He asked one more time while leaning in closer. Grimmjow licked the tears from my cheek, and I pushed his face away to wipe my other cheek.

  "Stop being so gross."

  "Then answer me."

  "No."

  "Why the fuck not?" He grabbed my hand to move it away, but it seemed to dawn on him as he looked at me. I saw his eyes widen and his mouth turn into a frown. The rage in his expression when he turned to look back toward the barrier was terrifying.

  I blinked, and Grimmjow was gone.

  It sounded like something broke, and I looked over to see a hole in the barrier from Grimmjow forcing his way back inside. I heard a shout and the distinct sound of Grimmjow's claws against a sword.

  Scrambling to my feet, I ran to try and stop Grimmjow. I saw him fighting Sajin in his Resurrección form as his tail flicked in anger.

  "Stop!" I shouted.

  "Stay back, Wynter!" Sajin ordered just before blocking Grimmjow's claws that narrowly missed his face.

  "Pantera!" He was either too angry to hear me or was simply ignoring me as he went after the exorcist with such ferocity. Quickly looking around, I saw there wasn't anyone in sight that could help. If I shouted Grimmjow's name here and now to try and compel him to stop, the Soul Society would have his name.

  I'd taken enough deadly risks today, and I sure as shit didn't want to take more.

  Taking in a deep breath, I broke into a run and jumped onto the demon's back. Grabbing his horns, I yanked his head back while throwing off his next attack aimed at Sajin. Grimmjow yowled and grabbed me before moving to throw me.

  "Wynter!" Sajin looked terrified, except the demon didn't throw me.

  As soon as he pulled me enough over his head to see me, he stopped. Grimmjow's pupils were thin slits as he looked at me, and I was panting while still holding his horns.

  "Please, stop." From how he looked at me, I knew he was asking 'why'. "I'm okay, Pantera. But we won't be if you hurt Sajin. Please, calm down." It was strange looking at him while upside-down, but I didn't dare try to move since his attention was currently on me instead of the exorcist.

  His breathing was quicker from his anger, and I saw his nostrils flare as his brows deeply furrowed. Sajin was silent and watching us with his sword still at the ready.

  I also knew for certain now that Sajin threw me outside the barrier as a test. He wanted to see for himself how Grimmjow would react. But had Sajin been watching us the entire time? Had he seen how Grimmjow tended to my wounds and tried to comfort me?

  "I'm okay now. Please, just drop it." I said with a quieter tone, and the demon growled. I felt his grip on my shirt tighten, and I worried he might still lunge at Sajin once getting me out of the way. Thankfully, he instead began to shrink as his monstrous features mostly disappeared.

  "Just drop it? You could've gotten fucking killed." Grimmjow flashed his fangs with how he snarled, and I swallowed.

  "And because of you, I didn't. It was a test."

  "A test? What kind of fucking test gets you mauled?!" He rose his voice, and I looked up at Sajin.

  "I wasn't the one being tested." I stated. Sajin sighed through his nose before sheathing his sword.

  "I think I've seen enough." He said rather calmly and looked at Grimmjow and I.

  "The fuck are you talking about?"

  "You, Pantera." Sajin's expression was unreadable. I tried to guess what he might be thinking, but I couldn't. Was he satisfied and believed me now? Or did he still doubt my words? "You're not what you used to be." His eyes slightly narrowed as his brows furrowed. "And I think that makes you even more dangerous."

  We watched as he walked away, and I slid down to stand on the ground. It was quiet as the barrier behind us was slowly repairing.

  "We should wait until it fully closes. I don't want any demons getting in because of your recklessness."

  "My recklessness?" Grimmjow turned on me with a snarl. "I saved your life! Again!"

  "And I thank you for that. But you also broke the barrier to attack Mr. Sajin."

  "He's the one that nearly got you killed!" Grimmjow waved his arm in the direction the exorcist had walked in.

  "Teach me how to dematerialize my sword."

  "....What?"

  "You heard me." Looking at the demon with a serious expression, I could see the conflict in his eyes. "I'm strong enough to hurt you now. I should be able to handle it."

  "Wynter-"

  "I'm serious. I can't go through that again. How many times now have I been hurt because I couldn't do something so basic? I know I would've done better out there had I been able to summon my sword. Tell me you don't think I'll be able to do it now."

  Grimmjow didn't look away as his eyes locked with mine. He took in a slow breath before speaking.

  "It's not about whether or not you can dematerialize your sword. It's about whether or not you can handle the Espada essence within it. And we won't know that until you do it. I'm a high-level Arrancar, Wynter. You know the risks."

  "And I'm willing to take them. I can't always rely on you saving me. I can't always hope you'll get there in time, and you know it. I'm tired of being scared." My statement was followed by silence as Grimmjow continued to just look at me.

  He crossed his arms as his eyes narrowed. His tail swayed before he spoke.

  "Fine. I'll teach you how to do it. But not here." Grimmjow walked closer, and his left ear twitched. "They won't let you here."

  "Then when we get back home." I nodded. Looking back at the barrier, it was nearly fully repaired now. "Also....put some pants on. I don't want you flashing all the exorcists in camp." I heard the demon click his claws together, and when I looked at him, he was fully clothed again. "....Could you always do that?"

  "I can do a lot of things with magick, Little Rabbit."

  "So you mean you could have been fixing my clothes this entire time?"

  "Yes." He then smirked while tilting his head. "But I didn't want to."

  "Fucker."

  Heavily sighing as I walked through the front door, I dropped my keys and went to take my shoes off. Grimmjow came in behind me and shut the door. It felt so good to be back home.

  "Yui will be by later to drop off Dagur. Be nice." I said while going toward the stairs with my suitcase. Fingers suddenly grabbed the waistband of my jeans before yanking me back. "Hey!" I shot Grimmjow a look only for him to suddenly grab my jaw and kiss me.

  While holding my jaw, he used his other hand to take my suitcase and toss it to the side. I heard it slide across the floor, and his tongue slid into my mouth. I grabbed his wrist as I reciprocated the kiss.

  Grimmjow was purring deep within his chest and nipped my bottom lip when he finally gave me space to breathe. His nose brushed against mine, and I could see his devilish smirk as he looked down at me.

  "What do you say to letting me eat your pussy before you worry about putting shit away?"

  "Is that seriously the first thing you wanna do after getting home?"

  "I'm used to getting to fuck you on a regular basis, Little Rabbit. That damn training camp took that away from me." Grimmjow's voice was low as he tilted his head to the side. "You and that pretty pussy have been on my mind the whole fucking time."

  "Don't you ever give it a rest?" I questioned while feeling my cheeks getting warmer. Grimmjow licked my cheek before whispering near my ear.

  "Be glad I didn't pin you down on that training field and show everyone the dirty rabbit you really are. Everyone would know such a strong fighter was so weak to my cock." He nipped my ear, and my heart was pounding as I clenched my jaw.

  "Grimmjow, sit." I muttered, and he fell on his ass with a snarl. Looking down at him, I curled my fingers under his chin and tilted his face up. "You poor thing. I didn't know going that long without my touch would make you so needy." Brushing my thumb over his bottom lip, I saw the evil-looking grin he gave me.

  "I can smell how badly you want it, too, so don't give me that shit."

  "Yeah, but the difference between you and I is that I....have patience." I pecked his lips before smiling. "And that means I know exactly what to do with you, kitten." Letting his chin go, I stood up straight and went toward the stairs. "Grimmjow, follow me."

  Going upstairs with Grimmjow compelled to follow, I took the bands out of my hair. When I reached my room, I set them down on the nightstand.

  "Grimmjow, stay." I ordered, and he didn't take another step forward. Sliding my hands up his torso as I looked up at him, I saw how his pupils widened. I slowly pushed his jacket off his shoulders and down his arms. His shirt was next and was dropped on the floor before I turned my attention to his pants.

  The demon was softly purring as he watched me undo the button. Pulling down the zipper, I then slid his pants down his thighs. I wasn't all that surprised to see he wasn't even wearing any underwear.

  "We've got a good few hours before Yui comes by. We might as well relax." I said after pulling my shirt off. Dropping the garment, I then took off my pants and socks. My underwear was the last to go before I went to the edge of the bed. "Grimmjow, kneel."

  His eyes looked so dark as he was forced to obey. He was on his knees, and I bent over to get the box underneath the bed.

  "What are you planning, Little Rabbit?"

  "Don't worry, you'll still get to eat my pussy. But I want to have a little fun first." I smirked while raising my hand to show the silicone ring now sitting around my finger. Placing the box of toys to the side, I looked over my shoulder to see how hard he already was.

  "You want me to wait longer?"

  "Oh, kitten. I think you can handle it." I went down to one knee in front of him to slide the ring around his cock to the base. "You know how much I like you being a good boy for me, don't you?" My voice was nearly a purr when I went to kiss his cheek.

  I pushed a button on the cock ring, and a small blue light lit up. Standing back up, I then went to sit on the bed. Picking up a small remote, I hummed while debating what setting to use.

  "Grimmjow, stay." I ordered when I saw the demon about to pounce. He was forced to remain where he was, and I smiled. "Let's start with 3." I turned on the vibrator in the cock ring before turning it up to the third speed. Grimmjow's hips bucked from the sudden sensation, and I grinned. "Look at me, pretty boy."

  His jaw clenched as he looked at me again. It was a bit harder to tell what he was feeling without his feline ears and tail, but I could still read his human face as his ears were turning red.

  "I'll give you what you want if you behave. Understood?" I asked while spreading my legs. His gaze immediately dropped, and he licked his lips like a hungry animal. "I didn't hear a response, kitten."

  "Yes, Wynter."

  "Good boy." I smiled while watching the demon closely. I knew I was playing with fire here, but how he looked like a barely caged animal was driving me wild. There wasn't any denying that I relished in being desired in such a way.

  How he looked at me with such hunger while itching to get his hands on me was delicious.

  With Grimmjow watching, I began to touch myself. I first trailed my fingers up my inner thigh as his eyes followed every move. My fingers reached the apex of my legs and slid over my labia.

  It felt good to have such control over a powerful demon like Grimmjow. He wasn't moving from his spot, and his eyes were transfixed on me. His breathing faltered as the cock ring was still vibrating, and I spread my fingers.

  I could feel how wet I was and knew he could see it. Bringing up my leg to have my foot resting on the edge of the bed, I wet my fingers with my own slick before touching my clit. I went at a calm pace specifically to agonize Grimmjow.

  "You're doing this on fucking purpose." His voice was husky as he placed his hands on his knees. I saw his muscles twitch as if he was fighting himself from pouncing on me.

  "Of course I am. How could I not enjoy having the Sexta Espada on his knees for little ol' me? Especially when he's so desperate to fuck me." My eyes drifted down to his cock that was still hard and periodically twitching from the vibrator.

  "I'm not desperate."

  "Really? That's not what you said just a few minutes ago." I received a growl in response since he didn't want to admit to doing it. "You're too cute." I smirked before adding more pressure to my clit. My breath shook from the pleasure shooting through my nerves.

  Low rumbling came from Grimmjow's chest as he watched me. I then slid my fingers down and circled my entrance. Arousal was smearing over my skin and dripping onto the blanket. It was taking so much willpower to not let Grimmjow go ahead and touch me.

  Pushing two fingers inside, I closed my eyes for a moment to enjoy the feeling. My head fell back as I curled my fingers and tightened my grip on the remote. I could feel Grimmjow's intense stare and didn't even need to look at him to know he was getting even antsier.

  "C'mon, stop being a fucking tease." Grimmjow growled, and I chuckled.

  "I don't think that's how you ask me, kitten." Looking at him again, I saw how his fingers were digging into his thighs from him holding himself back. It was a good thing he was in his human form or his claws would be making him bleed.

  "Fuck you." He bared his teeth at me in defiance.

  "Don't be a brat. Unless you want to sit there all night, that is." I said before softly moaning from the spot my fingers hit.

  "Who are you calling a brat, you little shit?"

  "Mm, I guess you really do want to just keep watching." I ground my palm against my clit for more stimulation and grunted.

  "You can't keep me here."

  "Watch me." I raised the remote before turning the vibrator all the way up. Grimmjow doubled over with a moan from the intense vibrations going through his cock. His cheeks were turning pink, and I knew he hadn't wanted to react in such a way as he clenched his jaw and tried to look relaxed while utterly failing.

  He was falling apart, and I loved it.

  Turning the vibrator back down, I saw his muscles relax as he took a shaky breath. When he looked at me again, I knew he was going to be merciless when he got his hands on me.

  "Now, do you wanna try that again?" I purred, and Grimmjow gave me a devilish grin.

  "You think that's enough to make me crack?"

  "You're already shivering, kitten." I pulled my fingers free of my pussy before opening my mouth and sticking out my tongue. Placing my wet fingers against my tongue, I turned the vibrator all the way up again. His gaze was locked on my mouth as he moaned.

  Sucking my fingers clean, I then reached into the box of toys to pull out a dildo. Grimmjow's brows furrowed even deeper as I held up the toy.

  "So, what'll it be, kitten? You wanna sit there and watch me fuck myself or are you gonna behave?"

  "I-" He was cut off by a moan as his cock twitched.

  "Hmm? I didn't hear you. Did you say you were gonna be a good boy for me?"

  "Yes." His response was breathy, and it turned me on even more.

  "Then say it louder."

  "I'll....I'll be a good boy."

  "That's what I like to hear."

  "Fuck~!" Grimmjow reared back while covering his face with his hands. He was moaning and unconsciously rocking his hips as his cock swayed from the movement. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

  The demon looked so alluring, I was now having to fight myself from going over and riding him. How his thighs flexed and his abs rolled with his rocking hips had me under a spell. He was too fucking gorgeous.

  Turning the vibrator down, I dropped the dildo to the side.

  "Come here, kitten." Grimmjow was on me in a split second. Without questioning or second-thinking, he buried his face between my thighs with my legs over his shoulders. He licked over my pussy with a groan, and I slid my fingers into his soft hair.

  Grimmjow had a firm grip on my thighs when he went to suck on my clit. I moaned while looking down at him, and the demon began to purr. His tongue dragged over my pussy before sliding inside.

  The vibrations from his purring mixed with his hunger had my head spinning as I bit my bottom lip. Dropping the remote, I slid my other hand into his hair. He was making a mess, but it felt so damn good.

  "That's my good boy." I cooed before moaning again. Grimmjow's grip was near bruising as he pulled me closer to the edge of the bed. "Oh, fuck!" I hissed as my grip on his hair tightened.

  He was sucking on my clit again and looked up at me in a way that made me shiver. Grimmjow gave a long, slow lick while maintaining eye contact.

  "You're doing so good."

  "Then ride my face."

  "For a king, you seem to like making your face a throne."

  "What can I say? You're fucking delicious." He nipped my thigh. Patting the bed, I waited for him to get comfortable on the mattress before straddling his head.

  Just like before, he was ravenous and purring and moaning into my pussy. I was praising him between moans as I lightly tugged on his hair, and he seemed to take pride in my every word. Even if I was the one giving orders and praise, Grimmjow was the one having his pride and ego stroked. He took such pleasure in making me buck and shudder as I called him a 'good boy' and trapped his face between my thighs.

  However, just before I could cum, the demon finally snapped. With the cock ring still on and vibrating, Grimmjow was pounding into me while I was facedown in the pillow.

  I cried out and was muffled by the pillow while feeling his breath on the back of my head. He was snarling and growling with a hand firmly placed between my shoulder blades. Grimmjow pistoned his cock at a steady, rapid pace that had me careening over the edge and the headboard hitting the wall.

  "Mine." The demon growled as his lips brushed over my nape. "You're all fuckin' mine." He nipped, and I moaned. "Yes, praise me more!" Grimmjow's hand on my back moved to grab my jaw to lift my face and pry my mouth open. My moans were no longer muffled and kept coming with every thrust of his hips. "Your voice holds such worship." His tone was low and close to a purr.

  He was taking each moan as a compliment, the cocky bastard.

  "Oh, fuck! This fucking- Ngh~!- ring. I need to hear it. Wynter, please, I need it!" Despite his growling, he sounded so desperate. He was just shy of whining as he continued to wordlessly beg.

  Even though Grimmjow was so powerful and mighty, he was still in the palm of my hand. I knew exactly what he wanted as he held me to his chest and kept thrusting his cock deep into me. I decided to give what he begged for since he'd been so well-behaved.

  "Grimmjow! Fuck, yes, Grimmjow!" I moaned his name, and he went feral. Nails dug into my skin as his teeth sank into my shoulder. It was overwhelming as all I could do was cling to the pillow while pleasure drowned my senses.

  His cock was like a battering ram as his balls smacked against me. I cried out as my vision lost focus and my muscles clenched from the intensity of the orgasm crashing through my body. Grimmjow was twitching and pumping me full of cum as he continued to fuck me. He didn't stop until the last drop spilled from his cock and was leaking from my pussy.

  My entire body went slack as I panted. With my cheek on the pillow, I took a moment to enjoy the heat and weight of Grimmjow still on me. He grabbed the remote to turn off the vibrator before the stimulation became too much for either of us.

  "You need it, huh?" I said with a breathy voice and an amused smile.

  "It's so good." Grimmjow responded before licking my cheek.

  "You like me moaning your name that much?"

  "Yes." He purred and slowly rolled his hips to make me take in a sharp breath. "And I'm not done with you yet."

  "Oh? Just letting me catch my breath, are you?"

  "We have missed time to make up for." He licked the bite on my shoulder before pulling away. "Roll over." I did as told, and Grimmjow grabbed a pillow to tuck it under my hips. He then laid on me while resting his elbows on either side of me. "Your face is so red." He chuckled.

  "I bet." I scoffed before gently holding his face in my hands and rubbing my thumbs over his cheeks. "Can I tell you something without you laughing at me?" Grimmjow was already melting into my touch but managed to look at me with a serious expression.

  "What is it, Little Rabbit?" He didn't say he wouldn't laugh, but he was giving me the opportunity to speak. However, did I really want to take this chance to say what was really on my mind? It would be a moment of vulnerability if I did so.

  No, I was going to do it. Grimmjow was dense, and I would need to take a few risks if I wanted more progress.

  "I missed getting to touch you like this." My voice was soft as my gaze went to my hands on his cheeks. Grimmjow froze as he looked at me as if waiting for me to say 'sike'. When he realized I was being sincere, his expression gave away so much, and I didn't think he even realized how he was looking at me now.

  "Why would you tell me something like that?"

  "Honestly? Because I wanted you to know, and, hopefully, you'd be honest with me in return." My words seemed to roll around in his head for a second.

  "....Fine. I didn't like going so long without being able to be this close to you. I didn't like not being able to sleep in your arms."

  "Oh. Oh, wow, I wasn't expecting you to go that far."

  "You don't seem upset that I did."

  "I mean, this is a good thing, Grimmjow. I'm just surprised you're able to voice those feelings."

  "You think I'm some coward?"

  "Well, no. It's just-"

  "It's weakness, yeah. But, after what happened, I'm beginning to realize what you meant about showing weakness being a sign of strength."

  "What do you mean after what happened?"

  "In the woods. You were crying, but you still burnt that demon to a crisp. You're so weak and don't hide it, yet you're also capable of such destruction. I...." Grimmjow trailed off as his brows slightly furrowed. "In a strange way....I think I admire it."

  I was floored by his confession. I had underestimated his progress with emotional awareness.

  Pulling his face closer, I kissed him. When we parted, I was smiling.

  "The Great Pantera admires me, huh?"

  "Yeah, you should be honored." The corners of his mouth curled up into a smile.

  "Oh, very." I chuckled and pulled him into another kiss. When I brushed his hair out of the way to kiss his forehead, he began to purr. I ran my fingers through his soft hair as the low rumbling in his chest continued. "Perhaps I spoil you too much."

  "I'm a king." Grimmjow scoffed. "I do not get spoiled."

  "Then you must have a different definition of a king 'cause they definitely get spoiled."

  "Just shut up and keep giving me affection."

  "Hm. No." I pulled my hands away and laced my fingers behind my head. "How about you give me affection?" I felt the urge to laugh at the face Grimmjow was making as he looked down at me.

  The demon huffed before gently cupping my cheek in his hand. His palm was warm and comforting as he watched his thumb brush over my cheek. Such a simple touch made me feel weak.

  His fingers slowly trailed along my jaw before his thumb brushed over my lips. Grimmjow's touch was delicate, and he leaned down to kiss me. It was a sweet, slow kiss as he held my face.

  I placed my hand on his nape and deepened the kiss. His arm slid under me to hold me closer as we were chest-to-chest. He trailed his fingers down my throat and along my side with a feather-light touch that made goosebumps rise on my skin.

  Grimmjow was taking his time before squeezing my thigh. He added tongue to the kiss as he purred.

  Why did this feel like worship even though he was a demon?

  I could only take so much of the gentle caresses before I was craving more.

  "Grimmjow."

  "Hm?"

  "I'm good to go again." I muttered, and he licked his lips like a hungry animal. Grimmjow lined up his cock and slowly pushed inside. He then buried his face into my neck and shoulder as his other arm wrapped around me as well.

  He hugged me to his chest as he slowly rocked his hips. Draping my arms around his shoulders, I heard my breathing hitch from him going balls deep and grinding against me. Grimmjow was still purring as he nipped the side of my neck and licked.

  This had to be the gentlest he'd ever been with me, and I couldn't say that I disliked it. He was also clearly enjoying it, but how long could his patience last?

  I shot up in bed when I heard knocking. I didn't remember falling asleep, but I obviously had at some point. Grimmjow was already up and pulling on a pair of my basketball shorts. They were tight on his hips but worked well enough to go answer the door.

  I laid back down with a sigh as he left and ran a hand down my tired face. I debated going back to sleep before rolling over and pulling the blanket up higher. In the quiet, I was nearly back asleep before I heard claws scrabbling across the wood floor.

  Dagur jumped onto the bed and was excitedly hopping around until he plopped down against me and shoved his nose into my face. His tail was going wild, and I chuckled while patting his head. He was so happy to see me and wouldn't stop wiggling.

  When Grimmjow came back, Dagur bounced up to get at him. Grimmjow growled a warning because of how excited the dog was.

  "Not the mouth!" He tried to get on the bed, but Dagur blocked him by rolling over behind me. I couldn't help but snort since I knew Dagur was wallering around with his paws in the air. "That's my spot, you damn mutt."

  "Be nice. He's just happy to see us."

  "He's still in my spot." Grimmjow had to push Dagur out of the way before he could climb under the blanket. Wrapping an arm around me, the demon settled down against my back while Dagur was coming around to lay down in front of me. Grimmjow sighed through his nose as he nuzzled into my hair.

  "Did Yui have anything to say?"

  "Just wanted to tell you hi and that Dagur was well-behaved."

  "That's good."

  "Mm."

  "Anything else?" I asked while finding his hand on my stomach and lacing my fingers with his.

  "Nah, that was pretty much it."

  "Then I'm going my ass back to sleep." I heard Grimmjow chuckle, and he pulled me closer. Closing my eyes, I could feel the smile on my lips as the demon began to softly purr.

  Sitting at my desk, I was getting some work done while Grimmjow was making dinner. Dagur was curled up at my feet, and the atmosphere was so calm. The smell of dinner slowly began to fill my office as I tapped away on my laptop.

  My body still ached from the training camp and getting fucked for hours by the resident demon, so learning how to dematerialize my sword would have to wait until another day. However, I was looking forward to Grimmjow's cooking.

  Double-checking my notes, I saved my work before moving on to the next chapter. Reading the text on the screen, I became so engrossed in it that I lost track of time. However, I was still managing to get the work done.

  By the time Grimmjow came waltzing in with dinner, my stomach was growling. He had a devilish grin while holding up the plates as his tail swayed.

  "Guess I don't need to ask who's hungry."

  "Gimme a sec." I went to save my progress, and Grimmjow hopped onto my desk with such grace before using his paw to scoot my laptop out of the way.

  "It's time to eat, Little Rabbit. I cooked." He crouched and set down one of the plates in front of me.

  "You just want me to compliment your work."

  "It is your duty after all."

  "My duty?" I quirked up a brow, and Grimmjow swung his legs over the side of the desk.

  "I am your king and master. Ingratiate yourself, pet."

  "Mm-hm. Didn't seem like I was a pet when I had you on your knees or when you were begging." I saw his ears flick back before he shot me a look. "I'm also pretty sure your crown isn't supposed to have a vibrator in it."

  "Maybe so, but what a worthy crown it is." Grimmjow smirked. "Perhaps I should wear it more often." His purring tone and the memory of his bucking hips as he covered his face while moaning had my cheeks and ears getting warmer. "Pervert."

  "Look who's talking!" I snapped at him before shoving a bite of food into my mouth. He burst into maniacal laughter while pointing at me since I was obviously embarrassed.

[what-i-call-men]

Jiggle physics

Jeff Pfister x female!reader

Warnings: SMUT, dominant reader, sub Jeff, some degradation towards Jeff, a bit of voyeurism at the end (reader finds out mutt saw the whole thing)

Request: My fic thought for the night (up for grabs) but it’s Jeff pfister. Reader is a dancer/instructor and Jeff studies her for “jiggle physics”. Thought is definitely a smut

One again I am stealing a picture from @copy-of-a-cheeto because I love the icons they make. Thank you!!

Also thank you to @divineruler for proof reading

It was another day for you to begin with. You were working at a small gym in town after your other job hadn't really worked out. You were freshly graduated from college and needed somewhere to work while you looked for other opportunities, a gym was your best option. Now you weren't an avid gym person, but you did enjoy dancing so you ended up instructing a Zumba class. It was more of a hip hop class because your gym was right near a college town, and early 00s Spanish didn't reach college kids as much as hip hop and rap music.

This week you had specifically scheduled a dirty Thursday class, uncensored music and a lot of confidence boosting music. You were doing your last few songs, pushing everyone to their "sexy limits" as you put it. You had stripped off your tank top, now just in your sports bra and leggings. When you were stripping off your top, you had a few of your regulars whistle or cheer, some even joining you as they knew the choreography. You ended your last high energy song and started your cool downs, opting to leave the shirt off as you were definitely sweating right now.

The slow sounds of Just the two of Us by Grover Washington jr played through the speakers as you instructed your class to stretch out. As you faced them, you couldn't help but catch a glance of blonde hair from outside the glass doors to the room. It looked familiar but you couldn't put your finger on it as you continued your instruction. After you finished your cool down, you moved to gather your things as some of the students chatted with you. One of your best friends had walked out to run to the locker room and came back, running up to you and pinching your arm a bit. "You'll never guess who is outside looking for you." She whispered so others wouldn't hear.

Turning to her you rubbed the now pained part of your arm and raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Um I don't know, Ryan Reynolds ready to sweep me off my feet?" You asked and reached down to pick up your gym bag and tank top, choosing to toss it in the bag rather than putting it on. Your friend followed you out of the classroom with the rest of the remaining class. "No, it's fucking Jeff and Mutt from high school." She whispered and nodded to the front desk where they stood, talking to a receptionist. You looked at them for a second.

"And they have those same dumb haircuts from when they were 12." You choked back a quiet laugh as you approached the front desk. Mutt saw you first and then elbowed Jeff to look up at you. "Hey boys, long time no see." You said and walked up to the pair, holding out your membership card to the front desk people to clock you out. "What warrants such an abrupt visit from the resident horny weeb club." You said and led the boys out, your friend keeping a close distance behind the group.

"Hey y/n, can we talk to you alone? We have a job offer for you?" Mutt said and glanced at your friend. You stopped outside the gym and nodded to your friend to go to the car you shared. "What job could you two possibly have for me? Last I heard you guys were just trolling random people online and spam liking my Instagram pictures." You said and crossed your arms. You weren't really friends with the two in high school, but you did have a friendly teasing relationship with them, rather than really making fun of them like others did. You were really only nice because you never knew who'd end up going crazy, and you'd rather not be on someone's shit list.

"We recently ran into... a lot of money. And we wanted to hire you at our robotics company." Jeff said and gestured excitedly at you. He definitely was on something from the way he had a shake to his hands. "Uh... you two know I majored in archeology? I don't know the first thing past how to google." You said and looked mainly at Jeff. God if he didn't have that stupid haircut still, you'd be tempted to say he got hot. He's got a pretty good body and he looked pretty good in comparison to Mutt. It would help him a lot if he didn't still dress and look like he was 12.

"We're aware. It has nothing to do with your degree. Here, this is what you'd make if you come to work for us." Mutt grabbed a card from his pocket and a pen that hung from your bag pocket. When he handed you the paper you had to blink at the numbers for a second. "Annually?" "Weekly" Jeff corrected your question. You stared at the paper for a second. "How do I know you guys aren't just high or something? How'd you even find me?" You asked and Mutt and Jeff looked at each other before Jeff grabbed his keys from his pocket. He clicked the unlock button and a Rolls Royce beeped from where it was parked only a few spots away from where you stood. "If you're interested come pay us a visit." Mutt pointed at the business card he had handed you and the two walked to the car before you could say anything.

When you got home of course you researched the company name on the card. Kineros Robotics had made actual headlines and pictures of the men were on different sites about their sudden influx of money to their company from a generous anonymous donation. You glanced at the card and pursed your lips before pulling up Instagram, going to Jeff's page, glancing at the pictures he's posted and biting your lip. God you could really tell he was either still a virgin or very submissive in some sense. He wasn't like any of the gym bros that hit on you or messaged you. With a small surge of courage, you hit the 'message' button and typed out a quick text.

After messaging back and forth about the job opportunity for about two days, you found yourself standing outside the main entrance to the robotics lab. You walked down the hall to see glass doors and just a buzzer. You buzzed and were quickly let in. "You guys should get a receptionist or someth-" your words were cut off when you saw what was really in the room. There were humanoid robot figures and a lot of latex parts just laying around. A lot of these parts were tits or asses, all different shapes and sizes but there seemed to be something off with all of them.

"Hey I'm glad you made it. You can set yourself up in the room over there." Mutt said as he stared down at his computer. The room was all white, some windows around but pretty much all of them had shade covering them with little to no light peeking through. There was a pile of white powder sitting at each desk. Oh so they were coked out and making sex dolls. What the actual fuck did this have to do with you? "Set my stuff up...?" You asked softly and Jeff stood from his desk to lead you to the room.

"I didn't tell you what you were here for?" He asked as he opened the door to the next room. You shook your head and looked at the hardwood floor and speaker set up. "We need you to be a model. See... our last few latex prints came out... less than desirable- jiggle wise. Our math was way off and we need these to be as real as possible." Jeff said and walked to a small cabinet in the corner of the room. "I need you to put this on so we can monitor your motions to make our robots more realistic." He said and handed you what was barely any cloth. It looked like those dotted suits superheroes wore so their suits could be cgi but instead of a suit it was a bikini top and what is pretty much a skimpy pair of bottoms that were basically bathing suit bottoms with how little they covered.

"Jeff, you didn't mention this." You said and took the clothes slowly as he headed back out to the door. "Just put those on and I'll be back in a few." He said and glanced over your body again quickly before closing the door. You decided to send a quick text to your best friend- just a "here's what I'm doing in case I get murdered" text. After that you slipped the clothes on and stared at yourself in the mirror beside the little cabinet. You could tell this was a makeshift dance room. That was probably what they were looking for. Good thing jiggle physics was your thing in class.

Jeff came back a couple minutes later with a laptop in his hands. He stopped and gulped when he looked over your body in the skimpy outfit, quickly opting to sit on the ground as he monitored the points on the laptop. "Go ahead." He said and positioned the laptop on his lap, having to adjust himself a bit a couple of times. "Jeff... I need music." You said and moved to grab your phone, nodding to the speaker system, him shrugging and letting you do so. As you leaned over the speaker you glanced in the mirror beside you and he was very much staring right at your ass. God if he wasn't such a virgin you'd probably be disgusted. That was probably why they didn't know the right jiggle physics for a woman's body.

You started playing some of your best twerk music, trying to shake off how weird it was to have just Jeff staring at his computer then back to you as you danced. You tried to just close your eyes and get into the choreography as you ignored the awkwardness of Jeff obviously having a boner and you just twerking for him to collect data. You did a few hip swirls and then some quick shakes, glancing at yourself in the mirror. Honestly as you looked you didn't realize you had given Jeff a perfect look of your ass. He ran a hand through his hair as the song began to wrap up. You went to your phone to change the song and decided to strike up a small conversation.

"So… are you getting good data?" You asked and just got a simple nod from Jeff, his stupidly cute bowl cut bobbing back and forth as he nodded. "So you're making sex robots huh?" You asked as you looked through your playlist nonchalantly bending over a bit to give Jeff a good view of your chest. He once again responded with a nod as you started the next song. It was a bit more sexy than the last one. "Why don't you monitor the jiggle physics of sex then?" You asked as you lowered the volume of the song, starting your choreography, which included some moves where you're on the ground, shaking and bouncing as if you were riding someone. "I'm sure they are more accurate than me dancing." You said as you pushed yourself down to the ground chest first with your ass up and facing Jeff.

He adjusted a bit and you moved yourself a bit closer to where he was seated as he chose not to answer you. "If you want more accurate results Jeff, you need the jiggle physics of sex." You stated and gently moved the computer off his lap, placing it on the ground as you gently moved to straddle his legs. "The reason you and Mutt can't get the math right is because you need to really experience a woman's body during sex and neither of you could rope in a girl to fuck you for science. Am I right?" You asked Jeff as you leaned into him, settling yourself on his lap. His face was so red as his eyes kept flicking from your chest to your face. He just nodded silently to your question.

"Jeff, I'm gonna need you to verbally respond to me. I want to hear you say it." You said and ran your hands from his shoulders and down his chest. He took a deep shaky breath. "Fu- I need you to fuck me for science." He said softly and looked up to you as you tutted at him.

"No honey, the other thing." You said and pushed your fingers under the hem of his shirt. He gulped and took in another breath. "I can't get anyone to fuck me. Please y/n I need you." He pretty much whimpered under you as you pushed up to the balls of your feet, leaning forward and beginning to shake your ass a bit from where you sat on his lap. You rolled your hips slowly forwards and pushed your chest against his, leaning up next to his ear. "That's better." You whispered and then left a small wet kiss under his ear. Slowly working down his neck in small wet kisses and sucks.

You could feel his body tense as you reached down between you and gently palmed at him. God you could tell how hard he was without looking. You smirked a bit and continued to suck small hickies on his neck and under his ear as you quickly undid his button and fly, grabbing his dick from his boxers. Wow if you would've known he was packing you probably would've slept with him in high school, but everyone just assumed he wasn't and that was why he didn't get girls. You pumped him slowly and you could hear him let out small moans and whimpers, wanting to stay quiet on the off chance Mutt heard over the music.

As you pumped him you gently bit his earlobe to get his attention. "If you wanna get inside me baby, you gotta help me out." You said quietly and he nodded and willingly let you take his hands and place them on your ass. He gave a small gentle squeeze and you smirked as you felt him twitch in your hand. "God... fuck... holy shit..." he muttered as you rolled your hips against his thighs, wanting to at least stimulate yourself a little bit.

"You wanna make sure my monitoring is ok baby?" You whispered and he glanced over at the laptop, still reading the outfit you wore. You grabbed his cock again, now moving yourself to push your bottoms to the side. Slowly sinking down on to him, you could've sworn Jeff came right then. And he did. But that wasn't going to stop you from helping him out for the 'sake of science'. You grabbed his hands and placed them on your waist so as to not interfere with his readings. Slowly you began to bounce on him, feeling all parts of your body begin to bounce. Jeff was letting out the most sinful noises. Honestly it sounded like he only knew what moaning was from women in porn, but you didn't mind- honestly it was hot to have him be so responsive.

"Oh baby you're gonna be too loud, Mutt might interrupt us and you wouldn't want that would you? Don't want him to find you moaning like a whore for me." You said lowly as you reached up to gently squeeze his throat. He closed his mouth and nodded at you as you continued to bounce on him. God you could tell how close he was to coming again, but lord knows you weren't done with him. His moans got quieter but he still let out small whines from below you. You reached down to rub your own clit as you bounced on top of him. "Fuck baby, you wanna fuck me so bad? How about you get that data you need by pounding me from behind?" You muttered and climbed off of him.

He barely questioned you when you did so, only whining a little at the loss of contact. As you turned around and got on your knees, pushing your ass up in the air, he quickly moved to his own knees, pushing into you and beginning to thrust at a rapid pace. You could definitely tell his knowledge of sex is from video games and porn because he kinda went wild. He pounded hard and you couldn't help but moan out as he grabbed your waist with a tight grip. After he got a hang on his speed, he reached forwards and pulled you up, pushing you against the mirrored wall he had been leaning against, he paused momentarily to undo the bikini top, and as soon as it dropped to the ground he was grabbing your tits from behind.

You pushed back against him, your face now pushed against the foggy mirror as he thrusted into you hard. "Fuck.... fuck y/n." He grunted out quietly as his thrust became more sporadic and sloppy. You could tell he was gonna come again, so you reached behind your head and grabbed his hair firmly. "You're not coming again until I cum. You fucking hear me?" You groaned as he continued to thrust into you. He nodded and reached around in front of you, fumbling for your clit for a moment before you corrected his hand placement and showed him the correct movement. He rubbed quickly and in pace with his thrusts, you could tell from his look in the mirror that he was trying so hard not to cum.

As soon as you finally reached the edge, you let out a loud and pretty pornographic moan of his name mixed with some swearing and praises. "God... fuck Jeff you feel so good in me. I want you to cum baby. I want you to cum in me baby." You thrusted back on him and kept your hand firmly tugging at his hair. It was only seconds before he was coming in you, his own face twisted in pleasure as you looked at him through the mirror. He slowed to a stop and slowly removed himself from you. You only caught your breath for a couple moments before there was a knock on the door.

"Hey those were good readings, we're gonna need you here again tomorrow so we can get some other position readings." Mutt called through the door. You looked at Jeff. "Could he see the reading the whole time?" You asked Jeff quietly. He bit his lips and nodded. "I assumed you knew because you saw this room through the glass when you walked in." Jeff said and pointed to the mirror which was in fact a one way mirror you had seen walking in from the lab, which you falsely assumed was a window because of the shade. "So mutt saw the whole thing?" You asked softly, slowly piecing everything together. Jeff nodded, scared you were gonna be upset. You only shrugged and reached over to gently grab his throat again. "Guess now he knows how good of a whore you are for me then." And god if he hadn't just come, Jeff probably would've come again from that action alone. Damn you were gonna have fun working here.

[writing-in-april]

Soured Nostalgia

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: When Reader moves their stuff in to Spencer’s apartment they find photos that he kept over the years. One photo of the past springs up memories of Spencer’s precious relationship with Elle.

A/N: hey heeeyyy everybody- here’s a fic I’ve been really excited to share with everyone. It’s my eleventh fic for my 30 fics in 30 days!!! This was the original request (I made it a little different lol I hope you like it)I had a fun time with it mostly cause I totally think Spencer and Elle had something going on at some point 😉 Plus I got to incorporate older angsty post prison Spencer and mention how he used to be a little baby ☺️ I’m curious to hear y’all’s thoughts about the Reidaway ship, or really anything so feel free to drop an ask to my inbox here. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!

Warnings: 18+, Smut, Joking about being jealous???, Reidaway in the past, Spencer being sad about the people who’ve left him, Sub Spencer, Only a bit of dry sex, Masturbation, Unprotected sex, Use of a belt to restrain, A few taps on the cheek, Reader’s hand is around Spencer’s throat for a second

Main Masterlist Word Count: 3.2k

Reminiscing on the past was difficult depending on how the story had ended. Memories that may have been happy could turn too painful because of the ending result. Age turned the memories into unreliable accounts as well, unable to truly remember how things had been back then and how you had truly felt.

Memories were still something to hold onto and cherish even though they got twisted with age and opinion. Nostalgia, a sentimental or wishful affection for the past, was an addictive feeling even if it made you cry. It remained addictive even if most of your past memories had hurt you with no sentiment attached. Everyone always chased the euphoric feelings they had when looking at the ghosts of their past. Sometimes even when looking back you can find something that had once soured had turned sweet again.

Spencer had many memories that he was no longer able to look back upon for a host of reasons. Most often it was because he could no longer bear to look back on a memory of someone who had left him. Whether it was his Dad, Gideon, Hotch, Blake, Elle, and many others, looking back at them just made him often feel like everyone in his entire life had left him.

That wasn’t true of course, he still had his Mom- and you. Even with his Mom there were still many of his memories with her were still stained with guilt, though that had gotten better with time and with your help.

You had begun helping him find the benefit in looking back, trying to make the soured nostalgia a bit sweeter again. It was getting easier as time ticked by for him to open up to you about everything in his past, the good and the bad. At first you had been staring at a wall that he had been building higher and higher throughout the years, it was daunting how tall it was. When you helped take a sledgehammer to it, making it crumble beneath your effort, he pulled away for a while. He felt comfortable by himself behind his own Great Wall until you showed him the benefits of sharing the secrets he held behind it. But, you still stayed, helping him as much as you could until he was willing to open up.

It had been many months since you started your effort to help him break it down. At some point in the last months you had both fallen into a relationship, a romantic one. What had once been a platonic relationship forged from shared interests evolved into a romance emerging from the rubble of his wall.

He had even given you a key to his apartment at one point, which he had never done with anyone except the bureau. Emily was the one that really had it, but that was strictly for work reasons. This was a show of trust which was much more helpful than his wall that had reached the heights of a skyscraper.

A simple key soon turned into you staying at his place more often than at your own. You had casually mentioned one day while watching one of Spencer’s favorite documentaries that you basically lived here now. It was a true statement, most of the clothes you wore on a daily basis had been given a spot in his dresser and the toothbrush you kept there was not the one you used for travel- that one was at your place. You had begun to put your mark on Spencer’s life in a more permanent way than before.

When he had spontaneously suggested the next day that you should move in with him, you knew that your small comment had stuck in his brain. It was easy to agree to, you had said you basically already lived here, plus living with the love of your life sounded like a dream. You only had a few things that you wanted to bring over and it was mostly decorative stuff that you could’ve let go if Spencer hadn’t insisted that he wanted you to make the space your own.

While turning the space that was once solely Spencer’s into something for you both, you had found a small clear box with a blue lid, filled with pictures. Spencer didn’t have a lot of personal pictures framed, there was one with you and him by the bed, one with the team by his desk, one with him and Morgan on the living room wall, and one with you two and his Mom also hung up in the living room.

When you had shown him the box he could tell you were curious, letting you look through it without a moment of hesitation. In the past Spencer would have been wary sharing his memories with you, but now he’d let you look. If only you could get him to look at the box with you.

You weren’t surprised he didn't want to look with you once you saw the people littered throughout the snapshots. Varying people that had left were in most of them, even some you never met.

Ones with Hotch and Gideon- even one from a long time ago with his father buried at the bottom. As you browsed through them you were glad he was able to hang up that photo of him and Morgan, at least they had parted with some closure. It also helped that he still saw him regularly, he had never fully left like some of the people from his past.

One picture in particular stood out to you, it was another team photo, they seemed more carefree in this one compared to now. There was baby Spencer, before you had known him, in a birthday boy hat smiling with the rest of the team. You guessed it was around his 23rd or 24th birthday, going by the slick back gelled hair he had sported in his earlier years. He seemed so much more different back then, perhaps more carefree compared to now. But, he also seemed much more unsure of himself, maybe a bit self conscious. In the photo you could tell he was nervous, just by the look in his eyes. He still had that same look in his eyes whenever he felt nervous.

Then you looked closer at where his eyes were focused on, there was a clear line of sight from him to Elle. Elle was way less nervous in this captured moment compared to Spencer, though from what you had heard she had always been like that.

Your gaze on the photo was broken when Spencer then came into the living room where you were sitting on the couch.

You decided to test the waters to see if he might want to take a look at the photo with you, “Why do you look so nervous in this photo?”

He stopped the path he had been taking, then stood still for a second before deciding to sit next to you on the couch. Straining his neck he gazed over at the photo you were holding in your hands. It was silent for a while as he looked over it, stopping to look at his old team. Some of the team still remained intact, namely JJ, but she wasn’t the same as she had been all those years ago. You let him take it from your hands, so he could look at it closer. He cleared his throat a little, though his voice still came out slightly raspy when he spoke, though he didn’t answer the question you had asked him,“It’s the only picture I ever had taken with Elle…”

“I know you guys were- close.” You didn’t ask your previous question again, sensing that it was still too much to talk about in specifics. What he was telling you right now was even more than what he told you, only telling you that she was his first, everything. Any supplemental information was from talking discreetly to JJ about it one night because you were somewhat curious.

Tiptoeing around the relationship you knew that they had previously was like walking through a minefield. You tried the best that you could to avoid making him too upset. When you got him to open up, it wasn’t by forcing him to talk all at once. Busting the wall down was done brick by brick, not all at once.

“I’m glad you aren’t jealous of her.” His comment was said with less sadness than before. It was nice to see a glimpse of the weight coming off of his shoulders, even if it was just for a moment.

“What? Do you want me to be jealous of her?” You teased, lightheartedly so he wouldn’t dwell on the sad aspect of their past relationship. He smiled softly which deepened when you playfully stuck your tongue out and crossed your arms.

“No- you’ve got nothing to be jealous about…” Any playfulness in his voice was erased as his sentence trailed off. You didn’t say anything for a moment in case he wanted to continue his thought. And, after a moment of silence he did, “I haven’t spoken to her since she left…”

“I know- I was just joking about being jealous. I know how much she meant to you…” His eyes moved away from you, at first you thought it might be because he was still feeling the pain of losing her all those years ago. But, there was something else in his eyes, it naturally made you curious, “What are you thinking about?”

“If you were jealous- what would you have done?” His mind must have shifted away from thinking about the ending of his memories with Elle, which was a step in the right direction. At least he wasn’t avoiding the topic all together, he was still talking about her in a sense.

You bit your lip, thinking about what direction you could take this in. You weren’t going to lie, your mind had gone straight into the gutter at his suggestion and by the look on Spencer’s face so had his.

“Hmmm…” You pretended to ponder while you moved from where you were sitting on the couch to sit on something better, Spencer’s lap. Straddling him then with ease you looked down at his face tracing his cheeks with your fingers. His pupils were blown wide now, almost completely devouring his iris that had become a small ring. He didn’t say anything yet, waiting for you to continue your thought obediently, “I think I would do things to you that I suspect she never did.”

He gulped hard, hard enough that you could hear it. You continued to trace your fingers along his face, sometimes picking a lock of his hair to twirl, waiting for him to say something else like you knew he wanted to. It only took a few more seconds of your touches and your eyes staring into his own before he asked, “C-Can you show me?”

You stopped your movements, pausing for dramatic effect before crushing his lips onto your own. He squared into your mouth at first, clearly taken off guard by your sudden kiss. Before he had processed what was going on enough to let you, you forced your tongue into his mouth, earning you a delicious moan from him.

When you moved again suddenly, separating your mouth with his for just a moment, he tried to chase your lips. Pushing a finger to his lips you then used that to push him back into the couch, then answering his question, “Gladly.”

You kept your finger on his mouth to seal them shut. He could have opened it easily to respond to you, but he wanted to see what you might do next.

Instead of going back to kissing him you started to pull his belt off of him. It was difficult with one hand, taking much longer than it would be with two. But, you still kept your finger rested in the position most people use to shush someone.

Once the belt had finally been pulled from the belt loops of his slacks you finally removed your finger from his mouth. He still remained quiet, his eyes following your every move intently. You then went to work, pinning his hands above his head, then beginning to restrain them with his belt.

“Did she do this to you?” Goading him while you looped the belt around his hands. You made sure to go as slow as possible while you restrained him just to make it last longer until you gave him what he wanted. You even began to grind down on his cock a little bit, it obviously ached to be free from its confines in his trousers by how strained the slacks were getting.

“No!” His voice was broken and breathy, exactly how you wanted it as you tightened the belt around his hand a little more.

Once you were satisfied that the belt was tight enough you got off of him to remove the shorts you had been wearing, along with the rest of your clothes. Normally when you were naked and Spencer was clothed it would be when you were underneath him as a sort of power play. In this position, where he couldn’t move without fear of consequences while you restraddled him completely naked was almost even more empowering.

To play with the dynamic even more you had him remain confined in his slacks for a while longer, while you touched yourself. You were already quite wet from seeing Spencer in this position and exerting that power by pumping your fingers in you while he could do nothing had you dripping onto his slacks.

Spencer’s jaw had gone slack while watching you moan above him, completely speechless from your actions. It was almost comical and entirely too easy to tease him about, “Close your mouth you might catch flies.” His mouth clenched shut at that. It soon fell slack again at your next words while you brought yourself closer to the edge with your fingers, “What? Did she never do this for you?”

All Spencer could do was sit there and take it, shaking his head side to side, only a little so he could keep his eyes on you. You decided to be merciful, pulling your fingers out of you just before you orgasmed. You wanted to finish at the same time as him anyway.

Finally, you pulled his aching cock out of his slacks. It was throbbing in your hand as you spread your wetness with the fingers that had been inside you. Because you had edged yourself earlier, you couldn’t take teasing him any longer. You lined the head of his cock that was red and weeping up to your entrance, sinking down as fast as you could take him. While you sunk down you rubbed your clit in slow circles, not enough to make you orgasm, but enough to make it easier to take him.

Once you had fully taken him you wasted no time, immediately beginning to build up a fast pace. And, of course you couldn’t help but goad him again,

“Did she make you feel this good?” Your pace you had chosen was rough, bouncing and rolling your hips with reckless abandon while he had to take it without being able to move. He could have thrusted up into you even without the use of his hands, but he had one too many of your punishments in the past to be willing to break the rules so explicitly. Now if he ever broke the rules now it was him subtly bending them. Though, you could tell by the way his eyes rolled back into his head that he had no intention of doing that tonight. It felt too good to be used like this by you.

He still had not answered you though, not on purpose, but you still needed an answer. Tapping his cheek a few times, just hard enough to get his attention. It caused him to whine, but he still didn’t give you an answer. Since that didn’t work you decided to ask again, “I asked you a question. Did she make you feel this good? Did she use you like this?”

To add an extra edge to your words filled with a deadly tone you reached one of your hands forward to grasp around his neck. To make him look at you directly you forcefully tilted his neck, eyes once again trained on yours. He finally found it in himself to answer, “It felt good with her, but it feels best with you! I love you!”

“Good.” You simply stated and dropped your hold on his neck so you could return it to its place on his chest, using it as leverage to help you continue your fast pace. Your orgasm was fast approaching, his cock hitting you in the perfect spot, all you needed was a bit more stimulation. When you brought your hand down to run fast circles onto your clit, you soon fell apart above him. Spencer couldn’t help but look up at you in awe, speechless at how beautiful you look while you writhed on top of him.

Your own release pushed Spencer close to the edge and he started to beg, “I’m gonna cum! Please, can I?”

His hands had tightened into fists above him, knuckles going white over the effort of keeping them right where you had placed them originally. You were pleased with the way he had begged, glad that he had asked permission before even thinking about cumming. You still left him in suspense for a bit longer as you continued to work yourself on his painfully hard cock. Pressing a few kisses to his exposed skin under his collar was admittedly just to torture him a bit longer before you finally gave the command.

“Cum for me then.” Spencer followed your command eagerly, taking only two more of you bouncing on top of him to release inside you with a groan. While he rode out his release his lips captured around one of your pebbled peaks, sucking hard to get one last moan out of you.

Slumping forward after you had both finished and you had taken the belt off his wrists with the promise you’d lotion them up after you cuddled. You rested your head on his shoulder, wanting to stay as close as possible for a little while longer. He started tracing his fingers up and down your spine, relaxing you even further, almost to the point of falling asleep.

Before your eyes closed shut in post coital sleepiness your mind wandered a bit back to Elle. Elle had been an important figure in his life, his first real connection with someone special. Sure you teased about being jealous, but you thought it was important to tell him that you were ok with him thinking back on her. You knew he loved you. It most likely would take time till he was able to think or talk about her without a sharp pain in his chest, reminding him of how it all ended.

He hadn’t told you exactly what had happened, but it wasn’t hard to fill in all of the gaps. You turned your head, eyelashes fluttering when you nuzzled into his hair. Then you spoke quietly just enough so the sound could travel the short distance to his ear, “You should frame the picture, you look cute in it. And, I meant to say it earlier, I love you too.”

Ask Me Anything

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Tag lists (message me if you want to be added):

All works: @shotarosleftpinky @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @s1utformgg @takeyourleap-of-faith

All MGG characters: @muffin-cup @willowrose99 @princesssmooshie

Spencer Reid/CM: @calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes @onlyhereforthefanfics @jareauswifey @princesssmooshie

Sub Spencer: @thatsonezesty13 @pastathighs @virtualpeanutartisanjudge @calm-and-doctor @princesssmooshie

[atlafan]

a/n: A couple of weeks ago I saw a post about ex’s to lovers, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So basically it’s a story about two people who ended things on a semi-good note, like nothing inherently bad happened between them, but they decided to break up. Sometimes people find their way back to each other, though. That’s what we have here. Harry is a tax attorney, a few years older than our MC, Blair Smith, who teaches jazzercise. (not proofread) PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU READ THIS AND LIKE IT, YALL WANTED ME TO KEEP POSTING FICS ON HERE, SO HERE YOU GO! PLEASE, IT TAKES TWO SECONDS! Check out my patreon for other excursive content.

Warnings: angst, fluff, smut (sub!Harry????), mentions of death, a funeral

Words: 17.8K

Pairing: Harry x OC (Blair Smith)

When Blair Smith became a Physical Education major in college, she never thought that would lead her to leasing a dance studio, and teaching jazzercise. It took her until she was twenty-five to really get it all together. She wasn’t mad about it, she actually enjoyed it more than she thought. She double minored in Dance and in Business Administration, she had never been so thankful to have overloaded herself in her life. She thought she would be teaching gym at the high school level, along with some health and nutrition classes, but when she did her practicum semester at a local high school near her college, she realized that working with younger students was not for her. None of them listened, none of them really wanted to be there, aside from the gym-class-heroes, and she couldn’t stand that the majority wouldn’t even change their clothes for class.

Blair wanted to make her own rules. Luckily, after presenting a well-thought-out business plan to her parents, she was able to get them to co-sign for a loan from the bank to lease a dance studio. She named her studio Just Dance because she offered different types and levels of jazzercise. Some involved use of weights, some involved a little more high intensity, and some involved a little yoga. She was grateful for the couple of marketing classes she took because she was able to really build her brand. She had an Instagram, Facebook Page, and a website. She had an online way to sign up for memberships, and she had daily drop-in prices.

It was easier than she thought to build her clientele. She had a great spot in the city, and there was a small parking lot out back behind the building. Most of her friends from school signed up, and helped her advertise. It was open to men and women, as opposed to a lot of jazzercise places that only offered classes to women. Even though Blair couldn’t afford to hire a second instructor, she was managing things just fine. She offered two early morning sessions, one lunch hour session, and three evening sessions. So, she had plenty of time to relax, stretch, and not over work her muscles. She was strategic about class offerings as well. She gave herself Sundays and Fridays off, since those seemed to be the days with the least amount of people signed up. Monday through Thursday, and Saturday, she made sure to stagger her lessons. For example, Mondays and Wednesdays were weights and yoga infused classes, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays were the high intensity days. Going into her fourth year doing this, she had it down to a science to say the least.

Business was always really good in January and February, when people were making their New Year’s resolutions, and during the summer months when people were trying to feel better about being in their bathing suits. Blair always preached positivity and inner health as the most important things. It was an inclusive space, which is exactly what she wanted it to be.

She liked working for herself. If she needed to run errands between classes, she could. If she wanted to take a nap in the middle of the day, she could. She didn’t have to answer to a single person. Her parents would sometimes ask questions, but mostly just to make sure Blair was making her loan payments on time. She had automatic withdrawals set up with the bank, so she didn’t even need to think about it. Yup, Blair had just about everything figured out, and she knew she was very lucky for that.

//

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Sullivan, we’ll get everything figured out for your son. Yes, he’s in very good hands with me. Alright, have a nice evening.” Harry hangs up his phone and sighs, rubbing at his temples to soothe the oncoming headache he could feel. It was another complicated trust fund case, but that was the job.

The Law Office of Styles and Associates was a tax attorney office. Harry specialized in cases that dealt with trusts, gifts, and various tax planning structures to reduce the burdens of income taxes and estate taxes, and he assisted in devising investment strategies. His undergraduate degree was in accounting, and he minored in pre-law. After that, he went to law school for three years and passed the bar. His father had been a tax attorney as well. Harry liked living the comfortable life he was able to live growing up thanks to his father, and he wanted the same for himself. Plus, he just enjoyed crunching numbers for people, so it was a win-win. Making nearly $150K a year wasn’t too shabby either.

“Hey, H, you ready to go?” John comes into Harry’s office.

“Yeah, just finished up for the day.” Harry stands up, puts his suit jacket back on, grabs his brief case, and heads out. “Kate, feel free to head home, I’m done for the day.” He tells his secretary on his way out.

“Thank you, Mr. Styles, have a nice weekend.” She smiles at him.

“Same to you.” He nods and keeps walking with John. “I feel terrible, she’s pregnant, you know? Her feet are the size of melons by the end of the day.”

“When’s her maternity leave start?” John asks as they enter the elevator.

“Not for a while, she’s only seven months along. She’s been trying to train some college intern to take her place while she’s gone, but no one’s as good as Kate.” Harry rolls her eyes. “Oh well, I’m happy for her. Her and husband have been trying to get pregnant for a while.”

Harry and John make their way to a bar downtown, one of their usual Friday evening spots. They usually met up with some of their other law-school buddies. It was also a great way to blow off steam from the week. Sometimes Harry would end up pulling a 60-hour week, so he thought he deserved to cut loose, and have a little fun with his friends. Maybe meet a pretty girl he could take back to her place and have a whole different kind of fun with her. Harry was a phenomenal attorney, but when it came to his personal life, well, if you looked up the definition of a playboy, his picture would be there. He fucked around, a lot, without a second thought. Actually, his only thought was to make sure he always had a condom. Harry never went bare back. The last thing he needed was someone claiming he was the father of their child, and suing him for child support. The only time he didn’t use a condom was when he was in a legitimate relationship a couple of years back.

He thought about her from time to time. He never met another girl like her, and there were times he really did miss her. The breakup wasn’t anything dramatic, the pair had just grown apart. Harry was in the process of taking over the practice for his father, and she…wasn’t quite ready to settle down. She wanted to work on her own career and make a name for herself. It hurt that she didn’t see him in her vision for the future, but he understood where she was coming from. She was a few years younger than him, and he didn’t want her to resent him for taking away her time to be young and have fun. So they ended it. Since her, he decided to have some fun himself with his friends.

//

Blair got the call right before her second morning class on Wednesday morning. She nearly collapsed on the floor in tears. Everyone rushed over to her. She had to cancel everything for the rest of the week, and her clients were more than understanding.

“How did it happen?” She asks her mother, Pam.

“He had a stroke, and…god, he just didn’t bounce back.” Pam uses a hankie to wipe her tears. “Most of everything should be all set, he was very specific, but…we’re going to need an attorney. Your father’s biggest fear is that his first wife would claim that she has a right to his pension, that she was promised money or something.”

“God, I hate her.” Blair grimaces. “All she’s ever cared about is making him miserable. She just wants money for her son. He’s not even Dad’s!”

“That’s why they got divorced! She cheated on him with his best friend and got knocked up. You can see how sticky this is going to get. I hate to ask, but…”

“I’ll go see him.” Blair sighs.

“I just think he might sympathize, maybe work the case pro bono. I’m not sure we could afford him otherwise.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mum, I’ll talk to him and figure it out. I’m not going to let Lora fuck everything up for you.”

//

Kate nearly choked on her water when she saw Blair walking towards her. She knew Harry had a meeting with a B. Smith. She should have known better.

“B-Blair, hi.” Kate says.

“Kate! Oh my goodness, you look incredible! You and Roger finally-“

“Yeah! I’m due in a couple more months.”

“That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you.” Blair smiles. “Um, I think I set up a meeting through an intern?”

“Yes.” Kate sighs. “I’m training her for when I go on maternity leave. Um, may I ask why you’re here to see Harry?”

“It’s strictly business. My…my father recently passed, and-“

“I’m so sorry.” Kate frowns. “He was always so nice.”

“Yeah, he was a good guy. Anyways, there’s a lot going on with his will and a trust he set up for my mom. Harry’s the only person I could think of when my mom said we’d need an attorney.”

“Of course.” Kate nods. “I’ll let him know you’re here.” Kate knocks on Harry’s door and opens it. “Mr. Styles?”

“Yes?”

“Your 2PM is here.”

“Ah, great.” Harry squints at his screen to check his calendar. “B. Smith? Why does that sound familiar?” He puckers his lips in thought.

“Um…it’s Blair.”

“Blair!” Harry stands up and bangs his knee in the process. “Why didn’t you tell me she was coming?!”

“I didn’t know! Maura answered when she called to set up the appointment.”

“Fuck.” Harry runs a hand through his hair. “How do I look? Is there anything in my teeth?”

“No, you’re fine. Just relax, I’m going to send her in.” Kate leaves his office and smiles at Blair. “He’s ready for you.”

“Thank you, Kate. We should catch up before the baby comes.”

“I’d like that. I miss going to your classes.”

Blair nods and goes into Harry’s office, closing the door behind her.

“Hi, Harry.”

“Hi.” He walks over to her, leaving about a foot of space between them. “To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you?” Her bottom lip trembles, and his smile fades. “What’s wrong?” He asks softly.

“M…my Dad died.” She says, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Oh, sweetheart.” He pulls her in for a hug so he can comfort her. “When’s the funeral? You know you could have just called me, you didn’t have to be so formal.”

“Actually, I did.” She sniffles and steps back from him. “I need an attorney, my mom and I do…only…we can’t really afford a good one.”

“Oh.” Harry nods. “Have a seat.” He gestures, and rounds his desk to sit back down in his own seat. “Is this about his ex-wife?”

“Unfortunately.” Blair rolls her eyes, and grabs a tissue off his desk. “My mom is scared she’s going to pull some fake paternity crap with her son, even though everyone knows he’s not my Dad’s. I think my mom just wants to be prepared for the inevitable shit storm Lora’s going to bring.”

“I don’t blame her.” Harry sighs and leans back in his chair. “I…haven’t taken a pro bono case yet this year. I could help that way.”

“Only if you really want to. I’m not asking for a handout, but I don’t trust anyone else to take care of me.” Blair blinks when she realizes what she’s said. “Us, I don’t trust anyone else to take care of us.”

“Right.” He leans forward. “I’d be happy to do it. Um, does your mom want to meet with me, or-“

“I think she’s sort of hoping I’ll take care of all the legal stuff. She’s grieving, you know?”

“So are you.” He frowns.

“You know me, I like to keep busy during these sorts of things. I can get a copy of the will, and the trust information over to you via email if that works, and then we can go from there?”

“Sure, yeah. My email’s still the same, um, and so is my phone number…”

“I still have your phone number.” She rolls her eyes.

“Then why didn’t you call me about this first? Why call and make an appointment?”

“I…I thought if I called…you’d think I was calling for something else.” She blushes. “I wanted you to know it was strictly business.”

“Blair, all you had to say was that your dad died. I could have been there for you. You live alone, all you do is work…your best friend is my cousin…do you and Riley even still talk?”

“Of course we do! Just because we broke up doesn’t mean that she and I did. I met you because of her, I was her friend first. It would be really shitty to stop talking to her because it didn’t work out with you.”

“Okay, Christ, calm down.” He shakes his head. “You’re as hot headed as ever, you know that?”

“I’m sorry, my father just died and I’m trying to keep it together!” Her eyes rim with tears again. “He’s never going to be able to walk down the aisle when I get married, he’s never going to meet his grandchildren, there are so many things…he was too young.” She sniffles.

“How did it happen?”

“He had a stroke, and didn’t recover.” She looks away.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I appreciate that, but that’s not going to being him back, so don’t be sorry. Just…help me with this.”

“I will, there’s no question about it.”

“Thank you, Harry.” She stands up. “I’ll email you.”

“Blair.” Harry stands up. “Look, if you need anything else, don’t be afraid to ask. If you need a friend…I’m here for you.”

“I have plenty of friends.” She sighs. “And no offense, but my friends don’t fuck a ton of women weekend after weekend and treat them like shit.” She smirks.

“I don’t do that.” His face flushes. “I just haven’t met someone I’ve really wanted to continue seeing, that’s all.”

“Harry.” Blair shakes her head as she chuckles. “Not that I ask, but Riley’s told me a few things. You two are close, and when she gets drunk she loves regaling me of your many escapades.”

“I’ll have to send her a very strongly worded text after you leave.” He rolls his eyes.

“Don’t get mad at her, it’s fine. I don’t really care.”

“You don’t?”

“No, why would I? It’s not me you’re fucking, so it doesn’t concern me.” She shrugs. “That’s the beauty of breaking up, Har, I don’t give a shit where you stick your dick at night.”

“Well, obviously you do if you won’t even let me be a friend to you, Blair.”

“I just…I don’t want us getting close again, alright? It’ll hurt when we end up parting way, and I don’t wanna go through that while also grieving my Dad. Can you understand that?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “Don’t worry, we’ll get this all sorted out.” He smiles at her.

“Thank you. I need to go. I told my mom I’d be over to help her pack some things up. She sort of just wants to rip the band aid and put his clothes away.”

“If you need any help at all with any heavy lifting, call me.”

“Harry.” Blair sighs.

“I’ve got that nice SUV, I can help move stuff, that’s all I’m saying.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. I’ll talk to you soon.” She says, and out the door she goes. Kate waits a moment before coming into Harry’s office.

“Scotch?” Kate asks.

“Scotch.” Harry nods, and Kate goes over to his credenza to take out his good crystal and liquor to pour him a small glass.

“You’ll get through this.” She lifts her water bottle to cheers with him, and he downs the brown liquid.

//

Blair was back at work the following week. She needed the distraction. Lora had been eerily quiet. Maybe she didn’t know that Blair’s father passed, but as soon as the obituary hit the papers, she was sure that witch would be out and about to cause some trouble. At the end of Blair’s last Thursday class, she heard the sound of dress shoes on the hard wood. She turns to see Harry.

“You know there’s not supposed to be outside shoes in here. I just mopped.” She puts her hands on her hips and huffs at him.

“Yeah, I’m well aware of the rules. I used to be your best customer, remember?” He smirks. “Anyways, I looked over all the documents, I thought you might like to go over everything with me before the funeral, in case she shows up to cause trouble, you’ll have all the facts.”

“I need to, like, go home and shower…today was an intensive day, I’m soaked.”

“Perfect, I’ve got dinner in the car. We can go there, eat, and go over the documents.” He smiles.

“You’re such a weasel.” She chuckles. “But I’m too tired to argue with you. What did you pick up to eat?” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Nothing special.” He shrugs. “Just some dumpling curry from that Thai place we both like.”

“I take it back you’re not a weasel, you’re the devil.”

Harry drives over to Blair’s apartment. He didn’t have a key anymore so he had to wait for her. He follows her up to her apartment, and makes himself at home while she goes to take a shower. She hadn’t changed much, but he definitely noticed some different pictures on her bookshelves. They used to be littered with framed photos of them, and she had a ton of scrapbooks for the two of them, but those seemed to be missing now as well. He sighs while he plates up the food for the both of them, and opens up a bottle of wine while he waits. Blair comes out about ten minutes later with her hair wrapped up in a towel, and her long, plush, pink robe around her body. She sits down next to him at the island.

“Wine?” She questions, but picks up the glass to take a sip.

“It’s been a long day, to be honest with you. I’m gonna work from home to catch up on some sleep tomorrow since I don’t have any meetings.”

“You know I have Fridays off, we could have done this tomorrow.” She frowns.

“It’s okay, I figured you’d want everything now. The funeral’s Saturday, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Eat up, and then we can look at everything.”

“We can do both at the same time.”

“Does your nose still run like a leaky faucet when you eat spicy food?” He smirks, and she rolls her eyes. “That’s what I thought.”

“Thank you for picking this up.” She says as she takes a bite. “I haven’t had this in forever.”

“Me neither…I stopped going because I didn’t want to run into you there.”

“That’s why I stopped going. We should have divided up restaurants when we broke up.” She laughs, and takes another sip of wine. “Do you mind if I dry my hair when we’re done eating? I’ll get a-“

“You’ll get a headache if you don’t, I know the drill.” He takes a sip of his own wine, and eats a spoonful of rice.

“Stop remembering things about me.” She swats a hand at him.

“We were together for long enough, Blair, I can’t help it.”

“Yeah, well, quit throwing it in my face, okay? We’re not doing this to go for a stroll down memory lane.”

Harry knew he’d be waiting at least twenty minutes while Blair dried her hair. He walks around her living room, stretching his legs a bit. He was curious to see what she had filled her bookshelves with. There was a picture of her and Riley from their freshman year of college. Harry picks it up and smiles. Harry was in his first year of law-school when Riley and Blair were college freshmen. He didn’t meet Blair formally until their senior year, and he was in his first year working at his father’s firm. He was helping Riley move in after winter break, and Blair had already been there.

“Blair!” Riley exclaimed. “I missed you so much.” She threw her arms around her.

“I missed you too! I’m glad we both agreed to come back a week early.”

“Same here. This is my cousin, Harry. Harry, this is Blair.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Harry shook Blair’s hand.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Her mouth had run dry. They held eye contact for a beat too long. “You’re in law school, right?”

“I finished last year, I’m actually working now. I’m a tax attorney.” He explains. “It’s my dad’s business.”

“And it’s super boring.” Riley rolled her eyes. “Har, could you bring everything in for me? I have a meeting with my advisor that I need to get to. We’re going over my practicum stuff.”

“Sure thing. We’re still getting dinner later, right?”

“Mhm, I shouldn’t be too long. Blair, you don’t mind if Harry hangs here for a bit, do you? You’re also welcome to come to dinner with us.”

“Sure, I don’t have a problem with it.” She shrugged.

“You’re the best. See you in a little while!”

“Is there a lot of stuff? I can help.” Blair said to Harry.

“Not a lot, no. But…I’ve never been here before, so if you could just show me upstairs, that would be great.”

“Yeah.” She nodded.

Harry brought Riley’s suitcase in, and Blair led him upstairs. She showed him Riley’s room.

“Is yours similar?” He asked.

“My room? Um, no…it’s a little different.” She swallowed. “Do you wanna see?”

“I’d love to.” He grinned, and followed her down the hall to her room. “Riley’s told me a lot about you over the years, but she failed to mention how insanely gorgeous you are.” He leaned against her wall after she closed her door.

“Well, she failed to mention how hot her cousin is, but I suppose that would be a weird thing to say about a family member.” She smirked. “How old are you, exactly?’

“I’m about to turn twenty-six, what about you?”

“I’m almost twenty-two…in May.”

“Not a huge age difference.” He walked towards her.

“Not at all.” She looked up at him with big eyes.

“Want me to kiss you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, all done.” Blair says, coming out with her all dry and pretty. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing, just saw this old picture of you and Riley.”

“God, we were babies then.” Blair smiles at the photo. “We took that on the day we met at orientation.” She looks at him. “Wanna sit on the couch?”

“Sure.” Harry grabs his briefcase and takes out all of the documents he needed to go over with Blair. “So, as you can see, your father set up a trust for you that you’ll get access to a year after his passing. That’s pretty standard. Your mother has a different sum of money that she’ll be able to access much sooner. There’s absolutely nothing in his will about Lora or her son. Even if she tries to contest it, there’s nothing in here that would indicate he was hiding anything. I looked over their divorce settlement as well, she stopped getting alimony when she remarried. She literally has no case. You and your mum can take a breather.”

“Oh, what a relief! Thank you, Harry. She’ll be able to let herself relax for the first time in a while.”

“Are you going to take any more time off from work?”

“Well, I’m closed Saturday, and I’m off Sunday, and I’m closed Monday as well. Then I’ll be back to it Tuesday.”

“You’re only giving yourself a long weekend?” He frowns.

“Harry, I can’t afford to keep closing. I make enough with the memberships, but I won’t be making the extra I do from the walk-ins.”

“Look, if you need some money-“

“Don’t you dare.” She stands up. “I don’t want your money, Harry, I never have, and I never will. I’m not your goddamn sugar baby!”

“I never said you were!” He says, standing up.

“But you used to make me feel like that all the time! You were always paying for every little thing. You never let me pay for a single thing. It was like you had zero confidence in me, even though I was running a successful business!”

“You were just starting out! All I wanted to do was help you, make it a little easier for you. You’re the one that went to their parents for loan help when I would have done it in a heartbeat! You crushed me.”

“We weren’t even living together, and you were ready to drop that amount of money on me?! That would have been so weird!”

“We were both working odd hours, and we had only been together a few months at that point, moving in would have been weird! A loan is totally different, I would have been investing in something great.”

“Well, I didn’t need your investment! We were together for nearly three years, Harry, what’s your excuse for not living together after all that time, hm?”

“I would have felt guilty. I was never home, I didn’t want you waiting up for me. It was easier when I could just come here and crawl into bed with you after a long day. And you always had to get up so much earlier than me. I thought…I thought it was better that we weren’t living together. You had never lived alone before, I wanted you to enjoy the freedom.”

“Was that it, or did you just want to keep your own?” She huffs, crossing her arms. “You know what, this fight is useless, it doesn’t matter because it’s not going to solve a single fucking thing. Thank you for your help, I really do appreciate it, but now that I know everything’s fine, you can go. If I need anything else from you down the line, I’ll reach out. I’m sure Lora will make a stink, and therefore I’ll need an attorney. But it’s all professional, Harry.”

“You’ve made that plenty clear already, thanks.” Harry packs up his things, and Blair walks him to the door. They look at each other. He just sighs and heads out the door.

Blair would be lying if she said that she didn’t miss Harry. They had a really special bond that was hard to find with just any one. All they did that first day they met was kiss, have a passionate make out, but that was it. Blair didn’t want to go too far with him in case Riley wasn’t comfortable with it. But Riley was overjoyed when Harry asked if she would mind if he asked Blair out on a date. It was a whirlwind from there.

He took her on some of the nicest dates she had ever been on. Most guys would take her out for coffee, maybe a movie if they could scrape the money together, but Harry took Blair out to nice restaurants, and to the movies that had lux levels. Not to mention his condo, god, she loved his condo. He liked that she kept things simple. Crockpot dinners at her place, watching TV curled up in her little full-sized bed, and clipping coupons together on Sunday mornings. That was where they had sex for the first time, in her little bed after their fifth date. He told her he loved her for the first time on the top of a Farris Wheel during the spring carnival her campus held, and she wasted no time saying it back. After that, a deeper trust formed between the two of them. One that not a lot of people would understand. Harry didn’t quite understand it himself since he was usually the one who was a little more dominant in bed, but with Blair…well, needless to say after a long week of working cases, his favorite thing was to come home, find her in his bedroom with some lingerie on, and letting her tie him to the bed posts for a little while. It was a release he didn’t even really know he needed. And with her, having been a college student about ready to graduate and enter the real world, it felt like so many things were out of control. Harry gave her that control back.

Harry wonders if that’s why they breakup seemed so much harder on him than her. It seemed like Blair was able to let go so easily. Yes, he started fucking around afterwards, but he just couldn’t get that same high from anyone else, nor did he trust some random girl at a bar to do the things for him that Blair once did. Blair was just better at hiding her emotions. She missed Harry, she’s missed him for a long time now. She cried for weeks, feeling this undeniable ache in her heart without him around. But, she had her studio to throw herself into, a brand to keep building. It was the perfect distraction, and even though she missed Harry, she didn’t hate being single for the first time in a while. For three years, Harry had been like her security blanket. The way she looked at it, every kid eventually stops sleeping with their security blanket at some point. It was time to be independent.  

//

The funeral was a graveside service. It was cloudy, but there wasn’t rain, which was probably the only upside Blair could think of. She was there, sitting next to her mother, other family members in the row behind them. Her mother was holding Blair’s hand, but this is one the few times Blair wished someone was there for her. Just as the service was about to get started, someone sat down next to her. She looks to her right and sees Harry, dressed in black from head to toe. He doesn’t say anything, he just puts his arm around her, and rubs his shoulder. He gives Blair’s mom a soft smile before sitting back in his seat.

“Harry…you weren’t supposed to come until afterwards…” Blair says.

“I know.” He looks at her. “I just wanted to be here for you.”

Harry gave Blair his extra tissues while she cried during the service. He held her the entire time, and stayed back once it was over. Then, he offered to drive Blair and Pam back to Pam’s home. Neither of them were in any condition to drive. There were a lot of people that came back to the house afterwards. Blair was able to calm down a bit, but her mother was really taking it hard.

“We don’t have to do this today.” Harry says to Blair.

“No, we should just rip the band aid. Then she can just…” Blair’s eyes widen when she sees Lora walk through the door. “Oh, you miserable cunt.” She says.

“What?” Harry asks, confused.

“Not you, Lora’s here.” Blair storms over to her. “What are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too.” Lora smiles. “I’m here to grieve the loss of my first husband.”

“You weren’t at the funeral.”

“I didn’t want to upset anyone.” Lora shrugs. “So…have you read the will yet? I think I should be in on that.”

“Lora.” Pam says when she walks over. “Alright, let’s get this over with.” Pam sighs, and has everyone follow her down the hall to the guest bedroom. Harry takes out the paperwork.

“There’s been-“ He starts, but he’s cut off.

“I’m sorry, but how is it legal if her boyfriend is reading the will?” Lora asks.

“We’re not together anymore. We haven’t been for a while. He’s here as our attorney, that’s it.” Blair says.

“Anyways, been a trust set up for Blair a little down the road. Everything else, including the house, has been left to Pamela Smith. There is no mention of anyone else’s name.”

“That can’t be right.” Lora scoffs. “I was promised-“

“He would have never left you anything.” Pam says. “And I’m sick of dealing with you. He’s gone, he’s left you nothing, you have no ties to us now. It’s clear as day that Derek is not his. He owed you absolutely nothing, you gold digging bitch.” Pam steps closer to Lora. “Now, get out of my house before I have you removed. I buried my husband today, I am in no mood to be fucked with.”

“Fine.” Lora says, turns on her heel and leaves.

“Way to go, Mum.” Blair gives her a high five. “I thought she’d put up more of a fight than that.”

“With your father maybe, but not with me. I’ve ripped her cheap extensions out more than once, and she knows I’ll do it again.” She takes take a deep breath. “I think I’m about ready to be done for the day. I need to lay down.”

“Do you want me to stay tonight?” Blair asks her.

“No, honey, thank you. Auntie Fay is staying, I’ll be alright.” She looks at Harry. “Harry, I can’t thank you enough for helping with all of this.”

“Don’t mention it. If there’s anything else I can do, anything at all, don’t be afraid to ask.”

“Drive Blair home.”

“Mum.”

Pam raises her hands in defense and leaves the room.

“I can drive you back if you want. I took an uber out here as it was.” Harry says, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“You’ve done enough for me today, it’s alright…I can make it back on my own. Riley’s flying back in from Chicago tomorrow and we’re gonna have a girl’s day, so-“

“Blair, I still have your keys in my pocket, I’m driving you.”

“I don’t need you to swoop in here and act like superman, Harry.” Her bottom lip trembles. “I know my dad’s not around to do it anymore, but-“

“Hey.” He takes her in his arms. “I wish I could take it all away, I really do. I wish you weren’t going through all of this, baby.”

“Harry.” She sighs heavily into his chest.

“Sorry.” He rests his chin on the top of her head. “Some habits are hard to break I guess.”

“Have you called anyone else baby in the last year?” She nuzzles in close to him.

“No.” He tilts her chin up to look at him. “I never could.”

“Okay, you can drive me home.” She sighs. “I’m about ready to pass out as it is.”

Blair takes a few minutes to say goodbye to the people still at the house before her and Harry get into her car. He keeps the music volume low, and her eyes start to droop. Harry can’t help but feel soft and warm knowing she was so easily able to fall asleep with him there still. She’d always fall asleep on long car rides.

“Blair.” Harry says, trying to wake her up. “We’re at your place, love.” She groans at him, and he sighs. “Are you really going to make me carry you up?” She groans again and he rolls his eyes. Blair would always pretend to be asleep so Harry would carry her inside. He unbuckles her, gets out, and opens her door to lift her out. “You’re killing me.” He grunts as he carries her to the front door. He keys in, and carries her up the stairs to her door. “I know you’re awake.” He says as he brings her to her bedroom.

“Mm, but you’re so strong and warm.” She mumbles.

“Okay.” He chuckles and lays her on her bed. “Are your pj’s still in the third drawer of your dresser.”

“Harry.” She sits up. “You don’t have to do all that…”

“I was just gonna grab you a shirt and get out of your hair.” He says innocently.

“God, I’m so confused.” She pinches the bridge of her nose.

“About what?” He grabs a bed shirt for her, and sits on the edge of her bed.

“I think I’m just feeling vulnerable, I don’t know.” She looks away from him. “I don’t want you to go.” She mutters, and then looks at him. “But I also don’t want to get your hopes up.”

“If you need me to stay as a friend, I can do that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’d never leave you like this.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I was just gonna pretend to leave, and then crash on your couch.”

“Well, you don’t have to do that. Got a queen sized bed now, plenty of room.”

“I can see that.” He smiles. “There was nothing wrong with your old bed. It was kinda fun when we were practically sleeping on top of each other.”

“Yeah, but your bed was better for…well…never mind.” She clears her throat. “Um, I still have some of your old pajama pants in my drawer, you can wear those if you want.”

“I’m good with just boxers if that’s alright with you.”

“Oh, um sure.” She gets off the bed to stand up. “I’m just gonna go wash up and change.”

Harry nods and gets undressed. He goes over to her bathroom door to wait his turn. Blair’s eyes widen when she sees him standing there in his underwear.

“You don’t have a spare toothbrush, do you?”

“Um, you can use one of the extra heads I have for my electric brush.”

“Thanks.” He steps into the bathroom as she leaves to go back to her bedroom.

“Oh my god.” She says to herself. He had beefed up a bit. Harry was already sort of beefy, but he used to be leaner. Had he been getting a lot of protein? She shakes her head as she crawls into bed. Harry comes in shortly after and gets in on the other side. She turns her head to look at him. “Thank you, Harry.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” He looks at her. “I’d be a pretty shitty person to leave you in a time like this.”

“Yeah, but you could be catching tail at some bar with your friends.” She smirks at him.

“You make me sound like I’m promiscuous or something.” He chuckles and turns fully on his side towards her. She does the same. “It’s a stress reliever, and I always wrap it up. M’not doing anything wrong.”

“Do you, um, do what we used to do with any of these hookups?”

“No.” He smirks. “No, I don’t think I could ever trust someone in that way again even if I tried.” He chews his bottom lip. “What about you?”

“Harry, to be honest with you…I haven’t slept with anyone since we broke up.”

“Blair, that was a year ago.”

“I’m well aware.” She rolls her eyes.

“That’s a long fucking dry spell.”

“It’s not a dry spell, it’s a personal choice. I threw myself into the studio, I worked on choreographing a ton of new dances. I was building my brand, bringing in more clientele. Plus…anytime I’d use a dating app or go out with Riley to a bar…no one was ever you.”

“I know things seemed mutual and we didn’t end in some big blow up…but I was so hurt that we couldn’t make things work.” He reaches to tuck some hair behind her ear. “I thought we were going to be together forever.”

“So did I…but I don’t know if I was ready for something so long-term yet, which I know sounds stupid because three years is a long time to be with someone.”

“It’s not stupid. I would have felt the same at that age. It was sort of selfish of me to try to lock you down the way I was.”

“You weren’t being selfish for wanting to be with me, Harry.”

“You know, the last thing I expected when I helped Riley move in that semester was falling in love with her roommate. You just looked so cute that day.”

“You remember how I looked when we first met?”

“How could I forget? You were wearing these sweater leggings that had snow flakes on them, and you were wearing this oversized sweater that was hanging off your shoulder, and you kept trying to tug it back on. You seemed so flustered around me.”

“I was.” She laughs. “I thought for sure you just wanted to fuck me and then leave with the way you pushed me up against the wall when you kissed me.”

“Yeah, you nearly shit yourself at dinner afterwards. Poor Riley had no idea I frenched you for a solid thirty minutes.”

“My lips were so swollen, she had to have known. I was more in shock when you came by a week later to ask me out. God, you were so cute, you were waiting outside my apartment with hot apple cider, and I had such a shit day at my practicum. I was in dingy sweats too, and you still told me I looked beautiful.”

“And I meant it.”

“Then you said I looked tired, and right before I went off on you, you pulled me inside and said that you were going to make me dinner so I could go upstairs and take a long hot shower.”

“Mhm, made you spaghetti and meatballs.”

“And that really yummy homemade garlic bread.” She smiles.

“Then we cuddled up and watched Ratatouille.” He chuckles.

“I was so mad that you had never seen it! And then you ended up loving it.”

“It’s a great movie, honestly.” He says, smiling at her. “Best first date ever.”

“Yeah, it was. When I went to sleep that night I couldn’t believe that a real man wanted to be with me. I don’t think any of the guys I dated in college knew how to cook.”

“Pretty sure I did a good job making you forget about any other guy you had ever been with.” He smirks, and she nudges his shoulder.

“Maybe…maybe when I’m in a better mindset…we could talk about…I mean…I’ve been thinking about you a lot ever since we started talking again, sorry, I’m rambling.” She sighs. “I don’t want you to think that I wanna give things another shot because you’ve been helping me and my mom, but it’s been hard not to think about it…especially after today.” She blinks away a few tears. “I wasn’t expecting you to come to the service. Riley felt awful that she couldn’t be there, and I felt so alone, even being with my mom. You’re so selfless.” She pouts at him.

“I would love to talk about potentially getting back together. I…I don’t think I realized how much I missed you until you walked into my office. I thought I was out having the time of my life, but I wasn’t. Nobody could ever compare to you.”

“I think I just need some time to make sure I’m not…I’m not just feeling this way because you’re being so sweet to me when no one else is.”

“Take all the time you need.” He strokes her cheek. “M’gonna turn over now. If you just so happen to feel like spooning me, I promise not to question it.”

“Please, snuggling sounds like the perfect medicine after today. Assume the position, Styles.”

He chuckles and rolls onto his other side. Blair slots a leg between his, and wraps her arm around his stomach. They both sigh, and wiggle closer to one another. Blair hadn’t felt peace like this in quite some time, and neither had Harry.

//

Blair woke up in a fog the next morning. Her eyes still felt puffy and swollen from crying, and even though the clock read 10AM, she felt like she could stay in bed for at least two more hours. She remembers Harry staying and falling asleep with her, but he wasn’t there next to her now. Where he laid was still warm, so he couldn’t have left too long ago. When she smells coffee, she wakes up a bit more. There was a coffee cup from Dunkin’ on her side table, along with a small bag that she knew had to be a coffee cake muffin. She sits up and sees a note next to the casual breakfast.

Had to rush off to the office this morning. Got a call that one of my major clients passed, and his family is already fighting over the money. Had to time to run out and get you brekkie though! I’ll call you later. – H

Blair pouts at the note, and takes a sip of her coffee, which had cooled down just enough for her to sip it without burning her tongue. She texts Harry a quick “thank you” before diving into her muffin. This was his signature “sorry for not being there when you wake up” breakfast treat. There had been many mornings Blair had woken up alone after spending the night with him. It wasn’t because Harry liked scooting out, he just usually got pulled away due to something work related, and he knew that Blair liked being able to sleep in when she could on the weekends, especially when she was still in school. She never minded because she knew he was busy. She used to just lounge around for an hour or so in his large bed before getting up and making it. Then she’d take an indulgent bath in his Jacuzzi-tub. He’d usually get back to her sometime in the afternoon, and they would snuggle up to watch a movie before he brought her back to her apartment. It worked for them.

There were plenty of times Blair had to scoot early as well. When she was doing her practicum, she needed to be at the high school no later than 7AM, which sucked because at the time she was a major night owl. It’s taken her years of discipline to get herself to fall asleep at a reasonable time so she wouldn’t be so groggy and grumpy in the morning. That was something that Harry helped with as well. He told her about this sleepy time playlist on Spotify that he would listen to on the nights he needed to go to bed early. Blair had told him she couldn’t afford the premium membership and she didn’t want to be jolted awake by ads. So what did Harry do? He bought the subscription plan that allowed for two people to be on it, helped her shift her account, and even though she protested, he insisted. The music sounded like something a masseuse would put on, and it always put her right to sleep. Harry was a genius, at least Blair thought so.

“How do you always have an answer for everything?” She had cried to him on a particularly stressful evening. It was after she graduated, and she had just gotten her business up and running. She felt overwhelmed and scared. “You always stay so calm, it’s like you don’t even care!”

“I just know that this’ll pass, baby. You just graduated from college, you’re going through a major life change. You’ve had the same routine all your life, and now it’s completely different. In a few months things won’t feel as scary.” He smiled at her, and wrapped his arms around her mid-section. “Went through the same thing myself not too long ago. I promise, it gets a lot better. Your early twenties fucking suck.”

“Yeah? How are things looking in the world of mid to late twenties?” She pouted up at him.

“Well,” he moved some hair away from her face, “I’ve got an incredible girlfriend who loves me, and I just so happen to love her, and I’m feeling settled in mt job, and I have a great place to live, and oh! Finally stopped having stress dreams about missing a big exam. Can’t complain too much.”

“I…I’m gonna be really busy at the studio. I have to choreograph all these dances, and start advertising, and-“

“Hey, I’ve got an idea.” He tugged her along down the hall to his home office.

“Harry, I’m not in the mood to fuck in your office…” She said, and Harry chuckled.

“As much as I love it when you let me bend you over my desk, that’s not what this is about.” He took her inside and took out a few sheets of blank paper and some pens. He sat down and pulled her into her lap. “Alright, this used to help me all the time when I was super stressed, still does, actually.” She watched as he drew three large circles, and wrote CHOREOGRAPHY in one, SOCIAL MEDIA, in another, and BUDGET

in the last. “Alright, so these are some rather large cookies, wouldn’t you say?” He looked up at her, and she looked down at him and nodded. “Okay, so what are some ways we can take little bites out of these?”

“Like a checklist for each?”

“Sort of, yeah.” He drew a few stems from each circle. “Almost like a backwards flow chart.”

“Is this what you do with your clients when they ask for financial advice?”

“Sometimes.” He nodded. “But more importantly, I want to help my girlfriend who is insanely frazzled. I hate when people try to be problem solvers…so hope you don’t think that’s what I’m trying to do…”

“No.” She shook her head. “This is great. I think if I have it all laid out in front of me…and can check certain things off…take smaller bites, like you said, I can handle things better.” She grabbed a pen and started writing, and making more stems, color coding a few of them. “My parents are gonna help cover the loan payments for the first year so I can save up, and start paying off my student loans.” She chewed her bottom lip. “And I can set aside some time in the mornings to do the social media stuff, and use the afternoons for choreography…evenings I can work on my website.”

“Just think of how sweet it’ll all taste by the time you finish.” He smiled up at her, and she leaned in to peck his lips.

“I love you, Harry, thank you.”

“I love you too, baby.” He kissed her again, ever so tenderly and soft. “Don’t let this stuff build up, you know you can talk to me about anything.”

“I just feel like my problems are so trivial, like, there are people that are starving, and I’m crying about being overwhelmed.”

“Your feelings are valid, don’t compare it to what someone else might be going through.”

“Do you think, um, could you just hold me for a bit?” It was so rare for Blair to be this vulnerable. Usually she was the one to hold Harry, but once in a while she just really needed him.

“Of course.” He shifted in his seat to cradle her to his chest. He was so warm and inviting, he always made Blair feel safe.

Blair sighs, and shakes herself from the memory. She couldn’t bask in the good times and act as if there weren’t also bad times. Although…there really weren’t that many bad times. She finishes up her muffin and gets out of bed. She grimaced when she saw herself in her bathroom mirror, and decided a long, hot shower would do her some good. She didn’t have the energy to wash her hair, so she grabs a scrunchie to put it up in a bun on the top of her head. As the warm water cascades over her body, she can’t help but continue to let her mind wander to other old memories.

“Harry! I told you I’d be five minutes.” Blair whispered to Harry as he entered the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and smirked. “Riley’s home! Just down the hall sleeping.” Harry pulled back the shower door, and walked into it with her. All he did was put a finger up to his lips.

“Then we’ll need to be quiet.” He whispered to her, ghosting his lips over hers.

“I…I’ve never had sex in the shower before. I always heard it wasn’t as cracked up as it looks in the movies.”

“That’s because people try too hard to do it full on.” He stepped into the water, getting his hair wet, and then moves her so she’s pressed up against the wall. He knelt in front of her, and looked up at her wet body. “Can I make you feel good, baby?”

“Y-yes.”

He grinned, and lifted one of her legs over his shoulder.

“Now, you need to stay quiet.” He pressed his lips to one of her hip bones, and kissed across her pelvis. “So, if it gets to be too much, just suck on your fingers or something, pull my hair, whatever you need to do.” She watched as his eyes darkened when he licked over her clit. His tongue moved to her slit and licked up. He moaned, letting his eyes flutter closed before looking back up at her. “You have no idea how fucking good you taste.”

“Blair!” Riley exclaims as she comes into the apartment. Blair’s taken from her thoughts just as she was whimpering out Harry’s name.

“I’m in the shower!” Blair yells back, and finishes cleaning herself up. She meets Riley out in the living room once she’s thrown some sweats on. “Hi.”

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there.” Riley wraps her arms around her friend.

“You couldn’t have known.” Blair hugs her back. “A month in Chicago, I can’t wait to hear all about it.” They let go of each other.

“Are you sure you wanna talk about all that?”

“Yeah, I need the distraction.”

“Alright. I brought coffee and doughnuts.” Riley smiles.

“Thank you, but I might save that for later. I had coffee and a muffin earlier…um, Harry spent the night last night.” Blair blushes as they both move to sit on the couch.

“Holy shit! Pleas don’t tell me you called him for a booty call.” Riley frowns.

“No, it was nothing like that. I told you he was helping with all of the legal stuff…he ended up coming to the funeral unannounced. He was there for me…he drove me home and I asked him to stay. We just slept, and he was gone before I woke up because of a work thing.”

“Ah, and he brought you the old comfort breakfast to make up for it.” Riley shakes her head. “Well, I’m glad he was there for you. I always hoped you would become friends at some point after you broke up.”

“I don’t think I realized how much I missed him. I’ve been so independent for the last year, it felt kind of nice to lean on him for a change.”

“Do you think you wanna get back together?”

“I don’t know…I was definitely feeling something yesterday, even this morning, but I don’t know if it’s because I’m just sad and vulnerable, or if it’s because I really wanna give it a second go. I don’t really know what would be different this time. He still works crazy hours, and-“

“He’s dialed back a lot.” Riley cuts him off. “Ever since he’s taken over, and once he really got settled into it, he hasn’t been working himself to the bone like he was. Are there still some sixty-hour weeks? Sometimes, but not like he was, I swear.”

“He didn’t seem to think we still spoke…so that made me think you weren’t as close with him…”

“I don’t hang out with him as much…I speak with his friend John quite a bit, though.” Riley blushes.

“Speak to or fuck?” Blair smirks.

“Don’t. If Harry knew I was messing around with one of his boys, god, I don’t even wanna think about it.”

“Oh, so he can go out with your friend, but you can’t go out with his?”

“John and I aren’t going out. We just…meet up to fuck sometimes, but we both still hookup with other people. I mean, I’m sure he slept with his share of people while I was away.”

“Did you?”

“There were a couple of people I let take me back to my hotel, yeah.” Riley nods. “Don’t say anything to Harry, okay?”

“Christ, I’m not his best friend all of a sudden. I think I was just emotional last night. I doubt we’ll even-“

There’s a jingle of keys, and then Harry’s entering the apartment. He freezes when he sees Riley.

“Hey! You’re back.” He smiles at his cousin. “How was Chicago?”

“Windy.” Riley says. “But fun, I made a ton of sales.”

“That’s great.” Harry sets the keys on the kitchen counter and then comes further into the living area. “How are you this morning?” He asks Blair.

“I’m okay, um, thanks for breakfast.”

“Yeah, of course, sorry I had to skip out. Uh, I just came back to see how you were, but I can see your girl’s day has started, so I’ll head out.”

“You can stay, Har, we were just gonna paint our nails, nothing you haven’t done with us before.” Riley says. “You don’t mind, right, Blair?”

“S-sure, you can stay, Harry…if you want to.”

“I’d love to stay.” He comes over and sits down on Blair’s other side. “Nothing like giving you a Styles sandwich to make you feel better.” He smirks. “Alright, Riles, what colors did you bring?”

The three ended up having a great day together. It felt like old times. They painted their nails, ordered Chinese, and watched Mystic Pizza. Riley was starting to get tired, so she left around six. The jet lag was catching up with her. So it was just Harry and Blair sitting on the couch watching Wall-E.

“Do you remember the first time we watched this?” Harry asks her a few minutes in.

“Mhm.” Blair smiles without looking at him. “It was that weekend we went away Hampton Beach, and it rained in the evening, so instead of being annoyed, we got all cozy and watched this.”

“After…” He looks at her, a smirk growing on his face.

“Harry.” She rolls her eyes.

“Come on, what did we do just before settling in to watch this adorable film?”

Blair sighs, but gives in, “We made hot fudge sundaes, and, um, I let you lay me on the counter and lick chocolate sauce and whipped cream off my body.” She swallows. “Then I did the same to you. We made a mess of the Air BnB.”

“We cleaned it up. Then we got into that big, comfy bed and just vegged out. Think this is one of my favorite Pixar films that you showed me.”

“You really liked Cars too.” Blair chuckles.

“Yeah, I did. That was a good one.” Harry leans back on the couch, crossing his arms behind his head.

“You don’t need to do this, you know?”

“Do what, love?” He says without looking at her, eyes focused on the screen.

“Babysit me.” She mutters.

“S’not what I’m doing.” He scoffs. “I’m enjoying spending time with you, Blair.” He looks at her. “And I’m worried about you, but I’m not babysitting you.” He puts his hand on her knee and gives it a squeeze before taking it away. “Just relax, yeah?”

“Thanks.” She pauses for a moment. “Harry…would you be taking care of me like this if you had a new girlfriend?” Her eyes start to well up with tears. “Because-“

“Why are you asking a what if like that?” He reaches to wipe her tears with his thumbs. “At the risk of sounding totally lame…I was sort of just waiting on you. Sort of hoping you’d wanna get back together at some point. I tried dating, but it’s like I told you…no one was ever you.”

“So you just kept fucking strangers?” She was so confused.

“It was all meaningless. I figured if you were out there living your life, then I should do the same.” He shrugs.

“Harry, I know you think we broke up because you thought I needed time to be young or whatever, but I wasn’t out there fucking a ton of different people. I just…I don’t know, I wanted to be on my own.”

“And I understood that, as much as it upset me. What was I going to do, beg you to stay my girlfriend?” He moves a bit closer to her. “If we were to get back together, what would you want to be different? Obviously things stopped working…”

“It’s not that they stopped working, I just…I think I just grew up a little bit. You gave me plenty of room for it, but I just sort of realized that there were other things I wanted to do and I didn’t wanna be totally tied down. If we were to get back together, I wouldn’t want you paying for things all the time, or thinking you need to fix all of my problems. Sometimes I just want someone to listen without making suggestions, you know?”

“I didn’t even realize I was doing that.” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I know you always meant well, and you were just trying to help in your own way.” She gives him a reassuring smile. “It didn’t always bother me, but sometimes it did. I wasn’t perfect either, I know how closed off I could get.” She furrows her brows. “I’ve been trying to work on that. I added the yoga into my routines…so that’s been helping. You sort of inspired that.”

“I should start my membership back up.”

“Yeah…it would be nice to see you in class again.”

“Remember when I started coming on Tuesday evenings, and then we’d go to the Thai place for dinner afterwards?”

“Mhm, and then you’d take us back to your place, and set up a bath for us.” She sighs dreamily. “And then you’d massage my calves for me, ugh, I always loved that.”

“Couldn’t have my baby being sore the next morning, could I?” He pouts playfully at her, and she giggles.

“You were always so good to me.” Her face was only a few inches from his now.

“Fucking worshiped you.” His lips ghost over hers, and she whimpers.

“Kiss me, Harry.”

His lips slot over hers immediately, and cups her cheeks to pull her even closer. He sucks on her bottom lip, and she whimpers again. Blair tugs on Harry’s shirt, and then pushes his back to the couch. She moves to straddle him, and he wraps his arms around her body. They’re both grabbing at different parts of one another, and she shifts so she’s only straddling one of his thighs, rolling her hips down onto it. Harry groans, and starts kissing on her neck. She gets a fist full of his hair, and yanks his head back.

“Harry, I don’t think this is a good idea.” She admits. “I mean…we haven’t agreed to anything. I think we should take this slow, don’t you?”

“You just told me to kiss you, and then you climbed into my lap.” He smirks, and she starts laughing.

“Yeah.” She grips his chin with her other hand. “You’re always good at doing exactly what I say.”

“Always.” He agrees. “If you’re not planning on having your way with me then you should get off. You’re only gonna rile me up, and I’ve not done anything to deserve that.”

“No, I suppose you deserve a reward instead of a punishment.” She presses her forehead to his and lets her hands fall to his shoulders. She sighs heavily and then looks at him again. “I need a little more time. I wanna make sure that this really makes sense. The last thing I wanna do is hurt you again.”

“I don’t want you to feel hurt either.” He squeezes her hips. “I wanna give you the time, Blair, but you’ve also had a year to sort your feelings. You either wanna do this or you don’t.”

“I really hate it when you’re right.” She huffs. “But I know what you’re saying.”

“How about this…why don’t we go out Saturday night? We could go on a date, and see how it feels.”

“Why not Friday?”

“Because you work early on Saturday mornings, darling, and you’re just going to be getting back to it again.” He tucks some hair behind her hear. “Can’t have you being sleepy.”

“You’re so sweet.” She smiles. “Okay, yeah, I’d like that. Um, did you want to just go out for dinner?”

“If that’s what you wanna do, baby. I’m down for whatever.”

“I haven’t been to that grill we used to go to all the time in forever. Feel like I could go for a really good burger.”

“Alright, we’ll go to Benson’s. I’ll pick you up around six, how’s that sound?”

“I think it sounds like a date.”

//

On Wednesday evening, much to Blair’s surprise, Harry walked into one of her evening classes with Riley. Riley had a cheeky smile on her face, and Blair just shook her head at the two of them. It had been ages since Harry had been to one of her classes, and he had picked a yoga day.

“Good evening, everyone!” Blair says once everyone gets there. “We’re gonna start off with our warm up, and then get in to it. We’ll work a little with the weights, and then we’ll cool down with the yoga like always. Does everyone have their weights?” She hears a collective yes. “Alright!” She hops up onto the small stage and gets the music playing.

When the class is over, a few people hang back to talk to Blair. Riley would usually grab a quick bite with her after class. A guy was talking to her now.

“Hey, who is that?” Harry asks Riley as they clean up their stations.

“Hm? Oh, that’s Rich, he has a thing for Blair.” Riley rolls her eyes. “He refuses to take a hint. The second he found out she was single he was all over her. She’s nice to him, but she doesn’t like him back.”

Harry narrows his eyes, and reads Blair’s body language like a book. Her arms were crossed, and she was casually trying to step away from Rich.

“I’ll get him to leave her alone.” Harry says.

“Harry, don’t.” Riley grabs his wrist. “She can handle herself.”

“I know she can, but she looks so uncomfortable. What if they were left alone here, and he tried something. He needs to know she has some backup.” Harry walks over to the two, and Blair can’t help but smirk because she knows exactly why Harry’s walking over. “Hey, sorry to interrupt, but we should get going if we want to make trivia night.”

“Right! Yeah, sorry, Rich, I need to get the studio cleaned up so I can head out.” Blair was thankful. Harry was always good at coming up with excuses for them to leave places early. Usually it was because he needed to get her home so she could fuck him, obviously now that wasn’t the case.

“Oh…alright, well, I’ll see you next week. Have a good night.” Rich looks Harry up and down before leaving.

“Thank you.” Blair sighs. “He’s a nice guy, but I’m not interested.”

“Obviously.” Harry scoffs. “Have fun with Riley.”

“You don’t wanna come with?”

“Nah, I need to get home. I have some stuff I need to do before tomorrow. Still on for Saturday?”

“Mhm.” She nods with a smile.

“Good.” He kisses her cheek. “I’ll call you Friday.”

Harry leaves and Riley helps Blair cleanup before they head out to a Panera for dinner.

“So, you two are going out on Saturday?” Riley asks her when they sit down with their food.

“Yeah, it’s sort of like a first date. I wanna make sure things feel really right with us. I have a feeling we’ll get back together officially, though.”

“Yeah? What makes you think that?” Riley smirks.

“Well…we kissed on Sunday night when he was still over. It was a really good kiss too, it was familiar, but there was still that, like, passion, you know?”

“I would love it if you got back together. I never really liked the other people he dated, and I was so excited when you both got together. He’s like the brother I never had, and I want him with someone that really cares about him. I never doubted that with you. You guys got together at a weird time in your life where you were sort of at different places. Now…well, now you might mesh better. You grew up a lot during the time you were together, I know that was tough on you both.”

“Yeah, it was.” Blair sighs, and bites into her piece of bread. “I feel like I could handle things better now. He’s been there for me during so many tough times, he’s seen me…at my absolute worst, and still loved me through all of it. I can’t wrap my head around him turning into such a playboy.”

“I couldn’t believe it myself, but I honestly don’t think he really knew how to deal with not having you around, and then…I don’t know.” Riley shakes her head. “He always wrapped it up, that’s what John told me, anyways.”

“He mentioned that to me too.” Blair rolls her eyes. “I’m not going to hold anything against him, we weren’t together. I don’t have the right to judge him about it.”

“He only wanted you, B.” Riley smiles.

“I really have missed him.” Blair smiles. “I’m really looking forward to going out with him Saturday night.” She bites her bottom lip. “Wanna come with me to Victoria’s Secret during the day? I think I should pick out something new…”

“Yeah! I’ve got a coupon to go there, actually. I need some new undies.”

“Oh, yay! We haven’t been shopping in forever.”

“I know! I hope I’m not on the road for an entire month like that again. It got old real quick.”

//

On Friday, Harry was in his office wrapping some things up, going over some paperwork. Then he looked over his calendar for Monday, just to see what meetings he had, and if he needed to do anything over the weekend.

“Mr. Styles?” Kiley, the intern training with Kate comes into his office.

“Miss Stewart, what can I do you for?” He asks, giving her his full attention. She pouts slightly at him.

“You can just call me Kiley…you call Kate by her first name.”

“I’ve known Kate for quite some time, Miss Stewart.”

“Well, we’ll get to know each other pretty well once she’s on maternity…right?”

“Most likely.” He nods. “Did you need something?”

“Yes, sorry.” She pulls a paper out of her bag. “Um, I just need you to sign off on the hours I worked this week since Kate left early. I forgot to ask her before she stepped out for her doctor’s appointment.”

“Oh, sure.” He gestures for the paper. “They’re really on you guys about the hours, huh?”

“Yeah.” She sighs. “I don’t mind, though, because I have to write a paper explaining what I did, so having an account of that will be helpful.” She shrugs. Harry hums his response as he signs the paper and hands it back to her. “Thank you…any fun plans for the weekend?”

“Just laying low tonight. I’ve got a date tomorrow, though.” He smiles.

“Oh! That’s nice.” She smiles. “Did you just meet someone?”

“No.” He shakes his head with a chuckle. “Might be starting over with my ex, which I’m pretty excited about since I’m still hopelessly in love with her.”

“Well in that case, I hope it goes super well.” She beams at him.

“Thank you, Kiley.” Her smile widens at him even more. “Feel free to head out, enjoy your weekend.”

“Thank you, Mr. Styles. I expect a full report of your date on Monday morning.”

Harry chuckles and nods as she leaves. Just when he thought his door was going to close, John enters.

“Wrap it buddy boy, we gotta meet the guys soon.”

“About that…I’m going to skip out on tonight.”

“Seriously? Why?” John frowns.

“I…I have a date tomorrow night with Blair, and-“

“You can’t be serious.” John rolls his eyes and sits down. “Why would you even entertain the idea of getting back together with her?”

“Because she seems ready for a relationship again. I still love her, and I think she still loves me. There’s still a chemistry between us, physically, so we’re going to Benson’s for a burger tomorrow to see if everything else is still there.”

“So that means you can’t come out for guy’s night?”

“You know as well as I do that guy’s night never stays guy’s night. I don’t want to be tempted by anything that could fuck me over. Besides, it wouldn’t kill me to stay in for a change. There’s a book I’ve been meaning to get back to. I wouldn’t mind just taking it easy, you guys have a good time without me.” Harry smiles at his friend. “It’s nothing personal…”

“I know.” John sighs. “You’re just fun, that’s all…” John looks down at his phone and smirks.

“Maybe you’ll meet up with that girl you see on the regular. Seems like she just texted you.”

“Maybe she did.” John nods.

“How come you don’t just date her? I’ve watched you turn down other girls to go meet up with her a dozen times.”

“It’s a little complicated. She travels a lot for work, we’re both just looking for someone familiar to hookup with right now.”

“Guess that makes sense.” Harry shrugs. “You’re pretty busy yourself”

“Exactly, so when’s around I see her more, and when she’s gone, I see other people. She does the same. We’re pretty open about it.”

“Good.” Harry smiles. “Have a beer for me tonight, yeah?”

“Alright.” John sighs and stands up. “Have fun with Blair, I guess.”

“You could sound a little more enthused.”

“I’ll be enthused if she doesn’t string you along.”

“She never strung me along.” Harry shakes his head. “We were a great team.”

“Seems like you were always doing everything for her.”

“No, she did plenty for me.”

“Babe?! I picked up a pizza!” Blair shouted as she entered Harry’s place, putting her key in the bowl by the door. “Baby?!” He wasn’t in the kitchen like she thought he’d be. She set the pizza down on the counter and walked down the hall to his home office. Her jaw dropped when she saw him knuckling at his eyes. “Harry, are you crying?” She asked softly.

“Blair.” He said, almost surprised. “Hi, I lost track of time, I’m sorry. Let’s eat.” He stood up, but she went over to him and urged him to sit.

“What happened, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, baby.”

“It’s not nothing if you’re crying. Talk to me.”

“I’m just really stressed.” His voice cracked. “I was looking forward to taking over for my dad, but there’s so much other shit that’s been added to my plate that he didn’t really prepare me for. Now he’s down in Florida living it up with my mum, and I can’t even talk to him about it because I don’t want him to be disappointed in me. He’s trusting me with everything.”

“That’s a lot.” She wipes=d his tears away. “I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “Is…is there anything I can do to help? Anything I can do to help take your mind off things for a bit? I brought pizza…”

“Um…yeah, I think there is something you could do for me, but it doesn’t involve food.” He stood and took her hand, leading her out to the living room. They both sat down. “Sometimes when we’re having sex…I let you take the lead, have you noticed that?”

“A little.” She shrugged. “I mean, I like that you’re not super dominating, it makes me feel safe.”

“Right, but before you I wasn’t really like that. I was always in control, but with you…I feel really safe too. So safe…that I’m able to just let everything else slip away when we’re doing what we do.”

“What are you saying exactly?”

“I…I sometimes I think I want you to really be in control. I’m not saying all the time, but I have to be in control of so many things, and I think it would be nice to not.”

“Okay, so I could ride you more if you want.”

“Well, that would be nice.” He smirked. “But I’m talking more like…like maybe you could blindfold me once in a while, or you could cuff me to the bed?” His was flushed with embarrassment. Her eyes widened as she finally started to understand what he was trying to say. “I’ve totally freaked you out, haven’t I? I know that stuff isn’t for everyone. I was just thinking we’ve been together a while now-“

“Harry, calm down.” She smiled, squeezing his hand. “I think it’s kind of hot that you wanna explore some different things.”

“You do?”

“Mhm.” She nodded. “I…just don’t ask me to, like, whip you or anything. I don’t think I could hurt you.”

“No, I’m not looking for pain.” He chuckled. “I just…wanna clear my head sometimes, that’s all.”

“Okay, I think I could be into that. You know how much I love all your ties, I’d love to tie you up with them.” She grinned, and he groaned softly.

“What do you say we leave the pizza for later, and we head into the bedroom to explore a little bit?”

“I say we’re in for a fantastic weekend.”

“Whatever you say man.” John says. “See you Monday.” John leaves Harry’s office, and Harry sighs. He never told anyone about what he and Blair did, it was no one’s business. He certainly wasn’t going to let it slip now.

//

At around 10AM Saturday morning, Blair picked up Riley so they could go shopping. Riley had bags under her eyes, and a fresh hickey on her neck. Blair’s mouth fell open the second Riley got in the car.

“Don’t.” Riley mumbles.

“I didn’t say anything.” Blair chuckles.

“But I know what you’re thinking.”

“Did you meet up with John last night?”

“Yeah, I guess Harry didn’t feel like going out last night, so I met up with him at some bar, and then he came back with me to my place.”

“Oh shit, is still there?”

“No, he left at, like, seven.” Riley rolls her eyes. “But not before he fucked me again.” She shakes her head. “We’ve fucked so many times, I don’t know how he’s not sick of me yet, or how I’m not sick of him.”

“Maybe it’s a sign you two should be more.” Blair smirks.

“I mean, we’re basically just in an open relationship, that’s the way I look at it anyways.” She shrugs. “We were up most of the night.” She yawns loudly.

“You could have stayed home.” Blair frowns as she keeps her eyes on the road.

“No, it’s okay, I wanted to go shopping with you.”

The girls make their way to a Victoria’s Secret, and start shopping around. Just as Riley hoped, there was an underwear sale. Blair indulged in it as well. Nothing wrong with getting some new undies to replace some old ones.

“Oh, these are cute!” Blair says, holding up a cheeky pair of panties.

“Yeah! I’ve been way more into the lace cheeky bottoms instead of thongs lately.”

“Me too! It’s way more comfortable. To be honest, I wear boxers a lot around my apartment. They’re more breathable than athletic shorts, and they don’t ride up.”

“Of course men have more comfortable underwear than us.” Riley sighs heavily. “Oh! Look at these white ones! Can never have too many white pairs.”

“Snag me a pair, please.”

Once the girls are done picking out their underwear, and a couple of bras that were two $50 (yes, way overpriced, but necessary), they head to the part of the store where the lingerie was.

“What are you looking for exactly?” Riley asks as she looks over some babydoll nighties.

“I don’t know, nothing crazy, but if things go well tonight, which I think they will, I wanna surprise him with something fun.”

“You’d really jump into bed with him right away?” There was no judgement in Riley’s voice, more so surprise.

“I mean…I know he’s your cousin and all, but he’s pretty hard to resist, Riles. He had me wrapped around his finger from the second we met.”

“Fair enough.” Riley shrugs. “I might try one of these on…surprise John one of these nights.”

The girls giggle as they pick out different things. Blair ends up finding a black lace bralette and matching panties that she thinks will work well under an outfit. The only thing was the bralette didn’t have any support, like, at all, but she was able to adjust the straps on it a bit to give her a slight lift.

“God, I wish I danced as a kid.” Blair huffs as she leaves the dressing room to meet Riley out at the register line.

“Why?”

“Because then maybe I wouldn’t have these fucking honkers on my chest. I’d love to be able to wear a bralette without worrying. My boobs are so saggy, I look like a granny when I don’t have the proper support.”

“You’re being dramatic.” Riley chuckles.

“Easy for you to say, Miss B Cup.”

“Hey, I’d kill to have boobs like yours. I always feel like mine are too small. I have to wear pushups all the time. Besides, your boobs are not saggy, they just sit a little lower on your chest.”

“When I really started dancing I thought they’d get smaller since I was working out all the time, but nope. The worst part is, it’s all right here.” She lifts her arm slightly and rubs just under her armpit. “I’m only a C, but I feel like a double D sometimes when I put a bra on, it takes all the side boob to the front.” Blair puts her things up on the counter, and Riley goes to the next register.

“Find everything okay?” The girl behind the register asks.

“Mhm.” Blair smiles. “I have some coupons too.” She takes her phone out so the girl can scan the barcodes on Blair’s screen.

“Oh, that’s a good one! Took off 25% of your total.” The girl puts everything into a bag for Blair, and she heads out with Riley.

“So, when will John get to see that babydoll?” Blair smirks at Riley.

“When I feel like he deserves it.” Riley grins. “If he invites me over tonight, I might bring it with me.”

“Do you usually see him two nights in a row?”

“Sometimes, but not often. I think he missed me a little since I was gone for so long. Kinda missed him too. He told me he’d call me later today.” She shrugs.

The girls grab a quick lunch before heading home. Blair didn’t want to eat anything too heavy since she was going to be eating out for dinner, so she just had a salad. She spent some time doing some social media work for her business, and then spent some time putting a new dance together. Her customers had been asking for some more throwbacks, so she was crafting some choreography to a couple of Ricky Martin songs. They could be used for the high intensity days. She always recorded herself so she could go back later to review the steps.

When she was done she was drenched in sweat, so she hops into the shower to freshen up. She sort of ends up pampering herself a bit. She shaved her legs, so she massaged some lotion into them, and used some cocoa butter on her thighs because she liked the way it smelled. After that, she grabbed her electric razor to trip her bikini line, having exfoliated first in the shower, so she was plenty smooth where she wanted to be. She spritzes some perfume into the air and walks through it, then she gets to work on her hair. She had been sporting a shoulder length look lately. Her hair used to be really long in college, but in recent years she had been keeping it a tad shorter. It was up in a braid or bun most days, but she decides to wear it down tonight. She puts on some makeup, and then goes through her closet to find something to wear over her new lingerie. She decides on a pair of black jeans that could easily be word with some booties. She pulls on a blush pink tank top and a tan cardigan to complete the look. You could just see the lace top of the bralette, and she sort of liked that look. Her phone goes off just as she’s putting some lipstick on.

“Hello?” She answers brightly.

“Hey, baby, I’m downstairs.”

“Okay, be down in a sec!” She throws some makeup remover wipes into her bag, and a spare toothbrush, then she heads out. Again, she didn’t quite know what would happen tonight, but she wanted to be prepared. Harry was standing outside his car. He smiles when he sees her.

“Hi.” He says, and opens the car door for her.

“Hi, thanks.” She smiles back and gets inside. They head towards Benson’s, being silent in the car at first. “How was your week?” She asks him.

“Good, had a pretty good workout Wednesday.” He grins, looking at her for a moment before looking back at the road. It makes Blair giggle. “Work wasn’t too stressful for a change, although I’m getting anxious about Kate going on maternity leave.”

“Is the intern no good?”

“No, she just doesn’t have a lot of experience. She’ll get the hang of it.” He shrugs. “How was your week, how are you feeling?”

“I’m okay. I spoke with my mom last night, she’s doing alright. My aunt’s been staying with her, so that’s good.”

“Do you think she’ll sell the house?”

“Nah, she likes where she lives, but I think she’s going to paint and change a few things so it doesn’t feel like such a ghost town, you know?”

“Makes sense.” Harry nods. “I know I’ve offered a ton, but if she needs any help with anything, don’t be afraid to ask. I can hold my own with a paintbrush.”

“Thank you, Harry, that’s very sweet.” She gives his shoulder a squeeze. “It was really nice having you in class Wednesday.” She says shyly.

“Yeah? Would you be opposed if I started coming regularly again?”

“Not at all, I’d really like it, actually.” She smiles. “It…it made it easier to wait to see you tonight.” She blushes, and he reaches for one of her hands. He brings it to his lips to kiss her knuckles.

“You’re cute.” He tells her, resting their hands on the console, not letting go at all.

They get to Benson’s, and get seated in a booth. Harry hesitates for a moment, desperately wanting to sit next to her, but he thinks that might be too much too soon, so he sits across from her. She gives him a funny look.

“What?” He asks.

“Nothing…you’re just far away. You usually sit next to me.”

“I didn’t know if you wanted me to.”

“I want you to.” Harry smiles, stands back up, and slides in next to her. She hooks her arms around his and rests her cheek on his shoulder. “Much better.” She sighs. He kisses the top of her head, and a waitress comes over.

“Evening, folks, are you expecting anyone else?” She asks.

“No, love, it’s just us.” Harry says to her, squinting at her nametag. “Becky, is it?”

“Y-yes.” She clears her throat. “Can I get you started with any drinks or appetizers?”

“Definitely two waters.” Blair begins. “And I’ll have a vodka-tonic, please.”

“I’ll have the same.” Harry says. “Do you want an app?” He asks Blair.

“No, I think just the burger will be good.”

“Right, think we’re ready to order dinner.” Harry says to Becky.

“Great! What can I get you?”

“I’ll have the turkey burger with cheddar cheese and sautéed mushrooms.” Blair says.

“And I’ll have veggie burger with avocado.” Harry says.

“Sounds good, I’ll be right back with your drinks.” Becky says, taking their menus before walking away.

“Just a veggie burger?” Blair asks Harry.

“Yeah, I’ve been craving a good one lately, and they make the best here.”

“Very true.” She nods. Becky comes back over with the drinks, and sets them on the table. “So…do anything fun last night?”

“I stayed in.” Harry says, before taking a sip of his drink. “Got caught up on a book I’ve been reading, watched a little TV, nothing special.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t go out with your friends. Isn’t Friday usually your guy’s night?”

“Yeah, I just felt like skipping last night.” He shrugs. “What about you, what did you do?”

“I ran errands all day, and then went to bed early so I could get up for my early classes this morning. Then Riley and I went shopping, and then I did some work at my place. Got ready to go out with you.” She shrugs.

“What does Riley have to say about all this?”

“She’s happy that we’re entertaining the idea of getting back together.” Blair chuckles and sips her drink. “Did you tell anyone we were going out tonight?”

“Mentioned it to my intern…and to John. He wasn’t so enthused.” Harry rolls his eyes.

“He’s never liked me, and I literally have no idea why.”

“Think he was just jealous that I snagged someone as gorgeous and bright as you.” Harry grins. “You know, when we first got together a ton of people gave me shit because you were still in school.”

“I was in my last semester, and I was twenty-one, it wasn’t like I was a child.” Blair scoffs.

“That’s what I said! It wasn’t like I was looking for someone younger than me, it just happened.”

“We just clicked right away, nothing wrong with that.” She inches a little closer to him, her ankle hooking around his under the table.

“Not at all.” His lips graze over hers, but their food is brought over to the table before they can really kiss.

They both giggle and dig into their food, each moaning out at the taste. They continue to talk about things, catching each other on the last year that they weren’t in one another’s lives. It felt easy and natural.

“I don’t wanna be too forward, but would you like to come back to mine when we’re done?” Harry asks.

“I’d like that.” She nods. “Got any sweets at home?”

“Mhm, I’ve got those chewy chocolate chip cookies you like so much.”

“This night just keeps getting better and better.” She smiles. When the check comes, they both reach for it.

“Blair, let go of the check.”

“No, I wanna pay for dinner.”

“I insist, let me pay.”

“Harry, I don’t want you always paying for everything, come on.”

“Fine, can we at least split it?”

“Ugh, fine.” She slaps her card down and so does he.

“So fucking irritating when you do that.” He huffs.

“No, what’s irritating is that you think I can’t pay for stuff.”

“That’s not what this is! I just like paying for our dates, it’s gentlemanly.”

“Yeah, well, it makes me feel like shit.” Becky comes to grabs the cards, and tells them she’ll be right back. “I’m doing well for myself now, I want things to be more equal. I’m not with you for your money.”

“I know you’re not, baby…I just…I can’t help that I wanna spoil you rotten.” He presses his forehead to hers, and she sighs before pecking his lips quickly.

“There are plenty of other ways you can do that, Harry.”

“Am I gonna have the chance?” Becky comes back with their cards, and they both sign their slips before sliding out of the booth. She takes his hand in hers as they walk out.

“Yes.” She says as they both get into the car. “I…I think wanna see where this goes with you, babe. I feel like I’m really ready for you now…”

“That means the world to me, Blair.” Her bottom lip starts to quiver, and he frowns. “Hey, why are you crying?” He reaches to caress her cheek.

“I just can’t believe you basically were waiting for me all this time.” She sniffles. “I feel so shitty. And I feel even shittier because I’m jealous of all the other people you slept with that we weren’t together.”

“Baby.” Harry sighs. “I was so in love with you, still am, none of them meant anything. I’m sorry you feel hurt by it. You don’t need to worry about it now, though, I’m all yours.” Her hand grips the collar of his shirt and she tugs him close to her, only a few centimeters apart.

“Mine.” She says, eyes darkening before her lips crash against his. She nips and sucks at his bottom lip as his hands cup her cheeks, trying to get even closer.

“Fuck.” He breathes, putting his keys in the ignition. “Need to get you home.” He pulls onto the street, and zips them home. His hand grips her thigh the entire time, squeezing it occasionally.

“Thought of you last weekend in the shower.” She says, shifting on her side a little. “Thought of the first time we had sex in the shower.” Her breath is on his ear now, and she nibbles on his lobe.

“Blair.” He warns, but she keeps going, kissing on his neck.

“Made me feel so good, always make me feel good.”

“Blair, I’m going to crash the car, just sit patiently, please.” She sits back normally in her seat. “Thank you.” He sighs. “So, you really thought of me?”

“It was hard not to with you leaving me breakfast.” She pouts at him. “So sweet of you, and I haven’t had a chance to even reward you for being so good to me.”

“You’re still into all that?” He asks cautiously.

“Only for you…do you still like it?”

“Only if it’s you. I told you I didn’t do that with anyone else.”

“You still trust me enough?”

“Course I do, baby.” He reaches for her hand to intertwine their fingers. He drives a little faster to his place, and they finally reach it. “Gonna take care of you first, and then you can do me, alright?”

“Whatever you want, babe.”

They get up to his place, somehow keeping their hands to themselves in the elevator. Before she knows it, Harry’s slamming Blair against the wall of his front hallway, attacking her neck with his lips.

“Gonna mark you up.” He says as he sucks on her skin. “Then everyone will know you’re taken again.”

She whimpers as her response, and pushes his head further into her neck. She wiggles out of her cardigan, and wraps her arms around his neck.

“Jump.” He grunts into her ear, and she does so, wrapping her legs around his waist so he can carry her to his bedroom. He sets her down on the bed, letting her get her shoes off. He does the same before kneeing onto the bed. She takes her tank top off, and his mouth waters at the sight of the bralette. “Christ.” He breathes as he gropes her supple breasts. “Missed these.” He sucks on her nipple through the lace, and her head rolls back. He does the same to the other one, getting it nice and pebbled. One of his hands slides down between her legs and he whimpers. “Need to get these off you, that okay?”

“Mhm, yeah, please.”

He undoes her button and zipper, yanking the jeans off of her. His eyes widen when he sees the matching panties.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Blair. Are these new?”

“Yeah, bought them today, just for you.” She props herself up on her elbows. “Wouldn’t mind you taking them off, though.”

Harry nearly growls as he tugs them down her legs. His hands slide up and down her smooth skin, having missed the feeling of her skin on his. He spreads her legs apart, and starts leaving open mouthed kisses on her inner thighs, sucking some nasty bruises into them. Blair clutches at his blankets and grits her teeth while he has his fun marking her up.

“Can I?” He asks, looking up at her. “Can I taste you?”

“Yes, of course you can.” She reaches forward to push his hair back, and he smiles at her before licking up her slit.

He licks and sucks all around her folds before working his tongue around her clit, sucking on it briefly before bringing his thumb to it. He licks into her center, making her mewl as he essentially just makes out sloppily with the area.

“Yes, fuck.” Her hands rake through his hair. “Feels so good, Harry.” She grinds against his face, and he moans against her. “Harry, fingers, please, use your fingers.” She whines.

He lifts his head from her, and reaches his hand up to her so she can suck on his fingers. She does so happily, and then he slips two fingers inside her. She gasps and lets her body go slack against the bed.

“Baby, shit, you’re so fucking tight, does it hurt?”

“No, feels so god, m’so wet.”

“I know, you’re dripping.” He pulls his fingers out and sucks on them, moaning again before slipping them back inside to the knuckle.

“R-right there.” She whimpers. Her mouth was open, body writhing under his, having not been touched by another man in almost a year, her body was reacting on overdrive. Her back was arching, and she was pushing her head further into the mattress. “Harry, Harry!” She screams as she comes around his fingers, and he fucks her through it, sucking on her clit to prolong it. As she starts to come down he sits up, and starts taking his shirt off. “Fuck, I’m gonna give it to you so good.” She sits up and watches he takes his clothes off. She takes her bralette off, and tosses it on the floor.

“How do you want me?”

“That depends…um…what would you like me to do? Like, how…how hard do you wanna go tonight?”

“I wanna be able to touch you since it’s been so long, and I wanna be able to look at you.”

“Alright, so we can just keep it sweet and easy, save the rest for another time.”

“Yeah…work back up to it.”

“Get on your back, m’gonna ride you.”

Harry gets himself situated, sitting up against the headboard. Blair raises an eyebrow at him.

“Just wanna be as close as possible tonight, baby.”

“Okay.” She smiles, and gets herself on his lap.

“Are you still on the pill?”

“Mhm, are you okay to not use a condom?”

“Definitely don’t want to. Need feel you.”

“Need to feel you too.”

She grips his hard cock, giving it a few pumps before she guides it inside herself. Her mouth falls open as she feels him stretch her out. Harry looks down and watches as she swallows him whole. They both moan out once he’s full inside her. Her fingernails dig into his shoulders as she gets adjusted to him. His hands squeeze at her hips and ass.

“Shit, Harry.” She presses her forehead to his. “Missed you so much.”

“Missed you too.” He cups her cheeks and kisses her as she starts to slowly rock on and off him. His tongue slips into her mouth, and she grips at his back as she kisses him back. “You feel so fucking good.” He says before biting her bottom lip, sucking on it.

She whimpers and moves herself a little faster on him. She grinds herself against him, feeling the friction on her clit start to form. His arms wrap around her back, his fingers digging into her skin.

“Move with me.” She says into his ear before nibbling on it.

He groans as he starts to thrust up into her. She starts to bounce up and down him, moving his hands to her hips. He watches as her breasts bounce in front of his face, and he leans in to kiss and suck on them. Her head rolls back with pleasure. She wanted to feel his tongue all over her. She brings two fingers to his mouth, and he takes them in quickly. He looks up at her as he sucks on them, swirling his tongue around them, and nipping at the pads of them. She takes them away to rub at her clit.

He growls, and moves to pin her on her back, surprising her completely. He was never like this in bed with her. She looks up at him with wide eyes as he throws one of her legs over his shoulder, and replaces her fingers with his own. She groans at his touch. He was driving himself in so much deeper and she could barely handle it.

“Okay?” He asks her, panting slightly.

“Mhm, it’s good, so good.” One of her hands goes to the back of his neck, pulling him down for a sloppy kiss. They breathe each other in and out once they both start panting. “Harry, fuck, I’m so close.” She squeezes around him and he bites down on her shoulder.

“Blair.” He moans into her ear. “Can I come inside you?”

“Yes! Fuck, yes, please!” She screams as she’s coming again, feeling even more turned on when she feels Harry’s hot come start to fill her up. She grinds her hips towards his trying to make her orgasm last as long as possible. “Love it when you fill me up, feels so good.” She says as she continues to squeeze around him.

He slots his mouth over hers as they both start to come down. Their tongues mold together as they kiss lazily. He’s slow to pull out, but he was too sensitive to stay inside her any longer. She squeezes her legs closed to try to not make a mess. Harry scoops Blair up quickly bridal style to carry her to the bathroom, setting her down gently on the toilet, and leaving her to do her business. When she walks out of the bathroom, he’s laying on his bed in a fresh pair of boxers with a dreamy smile on his face. She climbs onto the bed and lays in between his legs, resting her head on his tummy. She buries her face into his soft skin while he starts to card through her mussed up hair.

“So…we’re really back together?” He asks after a few moment of peaceful silence. She looks up at him with a smile on her face.

“Yeah, I really wanna be your girlfriend again.”

“You have no idea how happy I feel right now.” He continues to play with her hair as she sets her head back down.

“You’ve never really taken control like that before…I kinda liked it.” She peers up at him again, grinning. “Maybe I should see what being the sub feels like sometime.”

“Oh, baby, I don’t know if I could switch like that. Don’t think I’d get much pleasure in making you wait for things. Think I’d give in the second you asked for something.” He chuckles.

“You’re so cute, Harry, but I understand what you’re saying. I don’t mind being the one to do that stuff when you really need it, babe.” She moves further up his body so she can be closer to his face. “Do you think in a bit when you’re ready to go again we could…bring out some of your ties?”

“Feel like I’m already bloating back up, fuck.” He groans, and kisses her.

“You know what I’ve really missed doing with you?” She says, moving her lips to the shell of his ear.

“What, baby?”

“Fucking that tight hole of yours.” She says lowly, and he whimpers.

“Yes.” He breathes, and she looks at him. “Still have everything, it just hasn’t been used in a while.”

“Would you really wanna get into all of that tonight? I mean, I’m game if you are…you seemed hesitant before.”

“I just wanted to feel really close with you before, but now that we’ve got that out of our system I’m definitely up for it.” He pecks her lips. “We’ve got the rest of the weekend to do all we want.”

“Mmm, and the weekend after that, and the weekend after that, and maybe sometimes during the middle of the week. Oh! Remember when I used to come to your office at work, and I’d let you bend me over your desk, god, that was always so hot.”

“Or that time we screwed in that bathroom at your studio?” His smile was incredibly mischievous.

“Or the times you sit me up on the counter in your kitchen and fuck me?”

“Or the time you bent me over my own desk her here?”

“I think it’s time we make some new memories.” She says, getting off of him, and extending her hand out to him for him to follow.

“Couldn’t agree with you more.”

Blair leads them inside Harry’s walk in closet where he kept his box of toys. It was still in the same spot as always. She pops the lid off and they both smile at each other.

“How long do you think I could edge you for?” She asks him.

“Um, I should be okay to go for a while since I already came.”

“Excellent.” She picks up a cock ring, the kind that vibrates. “We’ve got a lot of time to make up for.”

[ameliasbitvh]

ahhhh! thank you all soso much for the 300 followers! i just hit 200 last week?! how are there 300 of you? i honestly don’t know, but i started this account as a place to just read smut and then i decided to post on here. the reason why my first post was angst was because i was being a slut for angst to feel something in those few moments- okay i’ll stop myself right there. for this milestone i’m going to do mutual appreciation for the moots i’ve interacted with the most so far! (if we’re moots and u wanna interact pls do, i’m not scary!)

okayy first up,

@underappreciated-spoon-321

i love you so much bby, i could not believe it when you followed me. i was legit crying happy tears and i specifically remember you followed me after i posted “needy” random lol.

your writing is immaculate, absolutely lovely. ur smut *chefs kisses* i love that you put up with my shit photos that i send you and that you actually ask for more- but it baffled me when you first interacted with me, this was my reaction

*deep breath* “omfg! (ur username) just interacted with me, wtf do i do?!” also ur nick name reminds me of belly from dear, draco.

i’m not writing a lot, bc for your sleepover i wrote you a damn paragraph 😭 but i love u sm belly!! 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

@dracoskinks

ARI! i love talking to you, bc i can talk about anything and when i say anything i mean anything. like kinks, porn, random draco scenarios, etc… you are one of the funniest people i have seen on this app.

ur blunt and funny at the same time, it just makes it more fun to talk to you. ur smut is soso good, bc i don’t find a lot of smut with a dom!reader and sub!draco.

i remember you followed me, so out of curiosity i checked out your blog and saw your piss kink fic and that did it for me. after that i followed you back and we became moots ajnwja. when ur first account got terminated you scared me so fucking much, because i thought you were going to leave tumblr forever. don’t. ever. play. like. that. again. i’m glad we became moots bc i fucking love you <3

@opalsheart

I LOVE YOU SM! i think u were the first moot that i interacted with in direct messages, bc you had tea to spill, and ever since than we’ve been #4lifers. you send me edits and hate on t*m felton with me on instagram. you were the first mutual to know what i looked like lmaoo. u r an absolute goddess, bestie, like what- i know that you can pull anyone you want, so stop playing when you talk about someone.

even though we have a fucking 12 hour time difference, we still find time to talk to each other. it is so fun talking with you and the fact that when we talk it’s night for one of us. you let me send that stupid tik tok of ed sheeran and t*m felton to you and it probably haunts your dreams now ajnwajsj-

i appreciate that you study ur MF ass off for your exams, bc i could never. and you even send me those cute memes when i wake up- also we better be watching those true crime documentaries, bc i’m still waiting. idc if we have a time difference :) anyways ILY SM ELLIE !! <3

@laceycallisto

okay- where do i even get started with this. we first interacted when i reblogged that draco fan fic and we reblogged talking about how desperate we were trying to find that iconic fic. and i forgot that the creator could see all the reblogging we were doing- you texted me directly about adding my name into your tags, which obviously i agreed to. then we just started talking about random shit like how we were superior because we were june geminis. or how we talked about being in love with remus lupin.

i have vivid flash backs of how your remus fic hurt me. i cried my false lashes off proof reading janajaj- bestie- you’ve seen me cry ajnwja- your writing is ethereal, i don’t know how you can see that? your so nice too, like girly u gave me ur netflix within like a day of knowing each other 💀 we watched bridgerton in two mother fucking sittings. we ate that bridgerton hoe up!

all ur input on the scenes were so funny like the “with child” and “dicking” comments 😭 i love how it’s so easy to talk to you about everything, like how dumb i am- even talking about the privilege of being poc and not burning in the sun. bruh u even let me tag u in dumb tik tok videos, like what?! and i think your the only mutual i have that’s in the same time zone as me… also we better binge the next season. but ily sm, ur like my older sister, even if u say ur life is shitty 😭 <3

@dracomalfoys-wh0re

honestly, kacia. i owe a lot to you for my account being “found” or whatever, bc you reblogged a fic of mine, i’m pretty sure it was “common room” and that’s when i started getting notes and followers najajwjwj- you might not know that but i do 💀 i will forever remember that.

you literally were one of the first accounts ever- to follow me. and i won’t lie, i went crazy when u followed me because i love your fics so much! you are so funny and blunt too i swear 😭

and can we talk about your tom riddle fic? like?!the fact that you really showed tom’s true personality and character. every world had me enthralled further into the fic, the way you wrote him is exactly how i think tom riddle would act towards his s/o. his toxicity and gaslighting is too accurate.

moving on from the discussion of your fic, which is amazing, ily sm babe!!

@yoooespinosa

we’ve interacted a few times and when u texted me directly saying that you thought i was sweet, i literally went, “omg- people think i’m sweet” in a good way, not bad jkwajjw- can i just get started on your writing, because oh. my. fucking. god. it is the most captivating and heart breaking thing i’ve ever seen- the emotions that you put into every word completes the entire fic. every angst piece that you have written, made me cry or made something inside me just twist with sadness. it is truly lovely and magnificent.

how do ur fics not get thousands of notes? because everyone should see what you write, it’s unfair that others haven’t seen your fics. when u explained your dream to me, i swear you practically wrote a whole fic 😭

i remember u said that you wanted to do a face reveal, but we’re scared. bestie what are you scared of? you look like an ANGEL!! and if anyone were to disagree, they are obviously blind. but ily bestie <3

@o-rion-sta-r

BESTIE BAE ORION i love you so much!interacting with you is honestly so fun. and i remember like literally yesterday we were trying to figure out ari’s time zone and we were freaking out. you, ari, and me all have a fucking time difference 😭 it sucks so much!

at least every day you ask me how my days been and i think that’s so sweet, because before i got on tumblr people didn’t ask that question. i appreciate that you ask me that and just random questions in general, because i love interacting with you so much. and you should start writing bby! i will reblog anything you write, also ily sm <3

@ilygw

we don’t talk a lot, but you seem like a fun person! i love seeing all the edits you post on here, bc honestly i need more ferret boy content. i know there is a lot, but i feel like i’ve seen all of them. until i see you posting a new edit and i’m like, “okay… i guess i haven’t seen every draco edit” but that’s all i have lol, ly!!

@arcaneslut

to be honest, you seemed so intimidating to me. i know you said you’re not, but to me you seemed really scary even though i knew you weren’t 😭 i just interacted with you recently and you are so sweet i swear! i love all ur fics, especially “and then i felt nothing” because when i read this fic you better believe i was crying so hard- to the point where i couldn’t breath- everything was written so beautifully, i couldn’t believe it.

i love how one thing we share in common is losing our phones 💀 but i just wanted to say thank you for explaining the whole sleepover and celebration things to me! even tho we just started interacting i already love u!!

moots bc i’m in love with all of them: @just-a-smol-spoon @dreamy-clousds @dracoskinks @unedibledaisyduck @thatsassyhufflepuff @a-aexotic @l0vely-lupin @gothboutique @wolfstar4lifee @littlemissnoname13 @deatthfairy @arcaneslut @ladyvesuvia @laceycallisto @dracossweetprincess @the-lonely-poet-loves-to-weep @realityblocked @harmqnia @yoooespinosa @opalsheart @lilscloud @cupids-crystals @mellifluousart @lunas-kisses @malfoysmainb @klauscarolove @crystxlss @beforeoursunsets @marrymetheonott @queeriacs @electriclocean @dlmmdl @o-rion-sta-r @sfdlm @ilygw @desiredmalfoy @underappreciated-spoon-321 @draco-and-tom @hellounicorn @mugglesthesedays @dracomalfoys-wh0re

if i didn’t tag u it’s bc i can’t tag more than 50 blogs :(

[alittledizzy]

Advent Day 23: LOTRIPS

This prompt showed up in my advent form and it’s been on my mind since I saw it. It’s not a fic but I hope you’ll enjoy it in place of one today!

Hi! This isn’t fan fiction per say but I’m very interested in early fandom history and saw you mention lotrips— it’s difficult to find good information about what the fandom was like back then and I’m especially curious about the real person shipping/ domlijah aspect of it. If you’d like, could you say what it was like back then and what happened to it/ how fandom and opinions have changed? Have a great day!

This answer really ended up being more about my experiences specifically than the shipping, but if you want to ask specific questions about that I’m happy to share opinions! I think I just don’t know how to approach that from such an expansive perspective. Also lotrips friends please jump in!! 

When I think of my time in lotrips fandom, I think of three main things: 

Fic: This was not the first fandom I wrote for, it wasn’t even the first fandom I actively participated in, but it was still a revelation. I fell into lotr/lotrips during the second half of my senior year of high school, at the same time I had just been outed at my rural Mississippi high school by my childhood best friend. I did not have a good senior year, and this fandom dropped into my lap right when I really needed escapism. 

My origin story: my senior english teacher was out on maternity leave and the sub was a massive fan of Tolkien and had us watch Fellowship. (The Two Towers had just hit theaters, so FOTR was the only one available on DVD). Over that Christmas break I found the fandom and I found livejournal. I lurked for a while (longer than I’d ever lurk in a fandom now) but within a few weeks I hit up someone for an LJ invite code, since at the time you still couldn’t just sign up. (Shoutout gabbyhope, wherever you are, from the once upon a time seventeen year old that emailed you saying please read my (shitty) fic and also help me, a total stranger, get on this website.) 

I started writing and posting fic fairly quickly after that. It’s funny because I know I made friends, I know people liked my fic, and I was passionate about writing. But when I look back the things that really stand out to me aren’t what I wrote or the reception I got, but the amazing writers in that fandom that I knew and followed. Some of them became what I hope are lifelong friends, some of them were only in my life for a short time, and some of them I never even talked to but their work influenced me so much. That fandom more than any other helped shape who I am as a writer. 

AIM Chatrooms: There was no social media! There was no performative fandom creative output for the purpose of trying to get notices from the actors online. The fic was on livejournal, you posted there, people commented. No one from the cast was in that space. That just wasn’t a thing. So the social bond of the community seemed a lot stronger. 

But people still wanted to get together and talk in a more immediately way, you know? so the main group of friends I had in that fandom came from an AOL Instant Messenger chat room that we called “fandom chat.” The awesome thing about AOL is that you could invite yourself into a room, so all you had to do was know the name of the chatroom and boom you were there. I invited myself in and after, idk, a few months I just felt like a natural part of it. 

Every single night we would gather and chat about everything under the sun. I met the longest relationship I’ve ever had in that chat room. I had my first (and second, and third and fourth, shhh look we were all young and kinda horny) kisses with women from people who were in that chatroom. I met friends that would change my life. I was exposed to so much from other countries and other cultures and other ways of life that I’d never had my eyes opened to before. Even as I type this, a part of me just misses what a pure social experience that felt like for me.  

Conventions: I went to every single Lord of the Rings convention there was. I stayed with people that I knew from fandom chat, but I also met so many people there. I flew on a plane for the first time going to a convention. I had those first kisses at conventions. I fell in love with a new side of fandom culture I’d never really felt before, and the reality that the people in my computer screen didn’t have to only be there. Meeting the celebs was exciting but nothing compared to the bonding experiences. And like, yeah, there was absolutely drama. Amongst people who were around my age I think we all (well, the queer ones) had weird crushes on each other and there was jealousy and some pettiness and it was like any social group of baby gays dipping a toe into the world for the first time. But I love those people so much, even the ones I haven’t talked to in years, and I love how many other people I just never would have met otherwise. Maybe I have some rose colored glasses on but if so it’s just because LOTRIPS gave me the building blocks for what I expect a fandom to be for me and what I want to get out of it. 

[blorbosexterminator]

I have been rereading some of your posts and I stumbled upon the unpopular LCDP opinions again, and here I present the thing that has been haunting my mind for a while:

I have been reading many Berlermo fics where Martín is portrayed as almost, if not completely, innocent: it’s all because Andrés left him. Martín is just a sad, small, soft cutie who needs someone to love him, and y’know, do... him, because that is also ALWAYS the case in these kind of fics.

And??? That is not the Martín I saw. Maybe it is (partly) how Martín sees himself after Andrés left, as a poor, innocent victim (because I feel like he does). He is no way a victim, nor is Sergio (completely) responsible for his problems (which is often a topic too). Andrés and Martín are idiots and they should both have gotten their heads out of their arses. They both are responsible. Martín could have said he loved Andrés years ago, no one stopped him... And I get that telling your best friend you love them is A Big Thing, but still... 10 years...

I saw no innocent victim in the show, I saw a cruel, harsh, mentally disturbed man and a terrible person. He is just as terrible, if not worse, as Andrés. I still love him, just like Andrés (and them together is even better), but I would and could never defend his actions or the stuff he says.

Adding on this, I don’t think Martín had ever been the “lover” before, I feel like he always would be the “beloved”. He had others worship him, and when he fell in love with Andrés that changed. He is mostly portrayed as always being the lover, when the topic is discussed in fics.

I even believe this more since I rewatched the scene where he tries to leave the bank: he calls Helsinki a “princess” which is first of all NOT OKAY, which was my first thought upon watching the scene. When I rewatched, I found it an interesting look into Palermo’s perspective: Martín actually sees himself as ‘the man’ (and believe me, I hate that I had to write that, I do NOT support the vision) in the relationship, and he sees Helsinki as a ‘princess’. This further confirmed for me that Martín is not some sweet smol man in need of a hug, but also really not the bottom everyone writes him as. What I saw in the show, was someone who revels in power (and not just the aesthetic, like I feel Berlin does) and being in control. And even if he would have a relationship with Andrés, I feel like Andrés would easier let go of being in control than Martín does, I feel like Andrés much less needs the control the way Martin does.

And I mean, everyone can have their own opinions and write characters the way they want, 100%, I am just surprised that I seem to be one of the few thinking like this of Martín? And I probably am one of the very few to prefer seeing Berlín letting Martín be in control in bed (although I believe they switch).

Anyways that was my ramble, I hope I was somewhat understandable and that this possesses just the slightest bit of eloquence :)

Have a nice day!!!

Hello! I know this is quite late, but I've always wanted to return to this ask, because really everything you say here is a gem and I agree with 100%.

First, yeah, that is very similar to my experience in reading fics as well. Actually, interestingly enough, I read quite a lot of fics early on without having watched the show, only having watched the kiss scene and few other detached flashbacks. It was only when I watched it that I realized how different the way Martín presented himself to me in the show from the dominant view of him.

It really depends. I do agree that Martín victimized himself to a large extent in his relationship with Andrés, but I don't think he saw himself as that much of an innocent; someone who would have never even joined the life of crime if it weren't for Andrés or so.

But yes, Martín is definitely not a victim and I don't think Sergio is responsible for his problems at all to be honest. Andrés did what he thought was the best course of action and that is that. Sergio isn't responsible for a grown man leaving another grown man. Like other than the factor regarding whether he should have told Andrés or not, he chose him, he chose to remain with him one marriage after the other. I do understand, to an extent, why both Martín and Andrés did what they did, but at the end of the day, would it have gone better if Martín had told him years ago? Who knows. Martín probably thought no and remained with him anyway, he's in no way a victim in this, like forgive me, but Andrés doesn't owe Martín anything. Even if we take Martín's words and say he reveled in being adored and worshipped, then it was still Martín who allowed it, it was still Martín who gave him this and asked for nothing in return and never left.

But going back to your words, yes, that is exactly what I saw when I watched the show too. Martín is cruel, ruthless, selfish and guess what? He was still all of those things before Andrés left him and died. It's just he wasn't those things with Andrés, the same way Andrés wasn't his worst parts of himself with him and Sergio. It doesn't mean they "changed" really, it just means they put each other above everything else and in a whole different category than all other people.

Oh yeah, this is one of the things that I headcanon to. Obviously, we don't have any history of Martín other than the parts with Andrés, but if we take his treatment of Helsinki then yeah, I'm willing to bet the same. I think him being the lover with Andrés was definitely the exception not the rule. Def agree with all you said about his relationship with Helsinki, Martín obviously doesn't see himself this way, and like aside from the princess scene, every time we saw them interact (when he flirted with him in front of everyone, when he kicked him out if his bedroom, etc) it seems very well that Martín is the one who is in control there, and is the one dictating exactly what the relationship is and isn't with sharp, even cruel, confidence.

Now the part about control, I agree with you 1000%, like the funny thing is it's not just the way Martín presents himself, it's the way the team sees him. Not only that, it's the main reason Sergio fears and is very wary of working with Martín, and I think that does come from experience, especially if we assume Sergio knew Martín for those ten years as well. I perfectly believe Sergio knows Martín well enough for those words to come from some actual place and not just his headcanons about Martín or something. Like it's very interesting to me as well, that Andrés couldn't even refute. Hell, not even Martín was able to say 'ah, I'm not really like that.' Even more interesting, actually, is the person Andrés likened Martín to after saying 'yes, yes he is obsessed with power and control' is Sergio! Sure, in that moment he was comparing their genius, but I do find it intriguing that he does put them on the same scale considering how a complete fucking freak Sergio is when it comes to being in control of everything. Andrés is outside this category. He enjoys the aesthetics of power, but he's much, much more at ease with letting go of control than either Martín or Sergio are. Martín doesn't just want the look of power, he wants complete power, period! And I do think he revels in it big deal. Lmfao, the show built the entire premise of a whole ass season on that one trait. It's not exactly something you'd need to argue for.

And oh yeah, I agree to an extent. I think when it comes to their specific relationship, things aren't really easily put in categories of who would most likely want more control, cause you know, they are very abnormal people ESPECIALLY with each other. At the end, I sincerely believe both of them regard the other as 100% an equal and wouldn't even want in any way to "control" the other or have more of that control in the relationship, but yeah, I definitely don't agree of the view of Andrés needing this control 24/7 and Martín being his subordinate just letting Andrés control him or whatever lmfao.

Of course, people can have their own interpretations and write what they want! But yeah, I did share that same suprise with you after I watched the show for the first time, mostly because I didn't know where exactly it sprung from? I do have some ideas for that now, but irrelevant really. Oh yeah, bottom!Andrés (or sub!Andrés) isn't very common, if I can tell from the amount of fics that has top!Andrés vs the amount with top!Martín or vers!berlermo. Generally, I do think they switch and all.

You were very understandable and eloquent, have no worries! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, I loved reading them!

Have a great day too!

[i-did]

Ok ok this may be a dumb question but we'll see, what are your thoughts on bdsm + andreil? The vast vast majority of these types of fics have Andrew as the dom (and I get why) BUT theres 1 dom Neil fic and I'm like 99% sure I think I saw u comment on it so I'm assuming ur reading it and enjoying it too. And tbh, I find it much better than pretty much all the dom Andrew stuff, I hadnt realised the potential dom Neil could have until I read it. But anyway, I wanted ur thoughts? 🤲 (this is so badly phrased I apologise)

Lmfaooo being perceived is so weird. I hope I didn't say anything because I remember commenting on that fic and thinking about commenting something about my personal sex life, but I don't remember if I did lmfaooo. Omg okay, all that aside–time to now respond to this seriously.

Okay regarding that specific fic, yeah I read a lot of AFTG fics of all types, I haven't read something NSFW in a while, but when I saw the ‘Dom!Neil’ tag I decided to give it a shot. It’s interesting seeing how other authors go about their ideas and just enjoying their story. It doesn’t align with my personal ideas of everything obviously, but those are my personal HC and that fic is that authors personal HC. I like that they’re exploring something that this fandom doesn’t see explored a lot and is just a fun read, lol. Honestly I give up on most BDSM fandom fics because the depiction of Neil makes me uncomfortable ...almost always. I agree a lot more with this fics concept of how they would explore power vs control in a BDSM sexual sense, than most Dom!Andrew Sub!Neil fics– which I have long ago stopped trying to read.

Okay here are my personal ideas about Andrew and Neil, and how they would explore sex.

Many NSFW HC below the cut:

I personally don’t think canon Andrew and Neil would go into BDSM culture or ascribe to either roll strictly. I feel they wouldn’t like established dynamics like that and would get turned off by that aspect, especially since Andrew both craves control of situations but fears ‘being like them’ and a lot of Dom play is about power dynamics that he wouldn't be comfortable with. Andrew sees power in sex as different as control during sex. He needs a controlled environment, and be in control of the other by having them listen to his boundaries, but he can’t feel he’s overpowering the other person. I don’t think he could do a lot of strictly Sub things either for similar reasons, he would feel like he's giving up control of the situation in a way that could make him very uncomfortable.

Neil on the other hand is also often portrayed as a very textbook sub, but I don't think he is. I see him written as a brat a lot, but personally I don’t see him doing that since a lot of what playing with a brat is, is giving them what they want and denying them what they want and them ‘defying you’ and stuff. It's like a form of playful miscommunication I don't see Andrew or Neil ever actually doing. Obviously all healthy and proper play is outlined and discussed beforehand, but I see Andrew and Neil as needing the actions themselves to be clear and cut and dry.

Neil also gets off on Andrews pleasure, Andrew is the same about Neil, they're almost like a feedback loop of “the other enjoying themselves is inherently hot.” to me, Neil getting off on other people (Andrew) getting off is a very Dom like quality. In turn, Andrew is very turned on by pleasuring Neil, but from the point of his knees, which is almost sub like, he is turned on by sucking someone else off and seeing how into it they are. Either way, I think they both wouldn’t be into hardcore BDSM or BDSM culture but also aren’t vanilla. I don’t see either of them going to leather clubs instead of Edens and going to Folsom Fair and joining BDSM social groups and stuff.

I also don’t think either would ever use titles for the other, I think they don’t call each other by their names often on a day-to-day basis, since usually the people were talking to already know their name, and we don’t need to use it for clarification. I do think–just like in canon with emotionally charged moments–names will be used with more emphasis, especially Abram which is not used frequently.

Side note about my Jewish Neil HC: Judaism rocks because sex isn’t shamed, but rather considered a blessing and a holy act. In fact, it’s a good thing to have sex on Shabbat, G-d is actively like ‘fuck yeah you little humans, enjoy life’s pleasures and each other's company’ sex was designed to feel good and a way to connect. Shabbat is all about human connection with those important to us, and a day of rest away from work, so sex on Shabbat is actually actively a good thing. I don’t think Neil is ever religiously Jewish, but Andrew making a joke about this once would be peak to me. Which also fits Abram, a very Jewish name I HC to be not just Neil’s middle name but his Jewish name, and is used in said holy context of sex.

I think like a lot of healthy adults who are sexually active, they will explore and will be more adventurous to try new and other things, especially when dealing with issues like waning to get off but having touch aversion and issues like that. I have a lot of sex life HC about them actually, ways they navigate erectile dysfunction, mental health, and what they like in a safe environment. They trust each other, and I like imagining different ways aspects of their relationship would change or evolve in my head in all different types of ways, including sexual. I also enjoy giving them kinks and inclinations I specifically don’t have, because it’s like me exploring the concept of why someone else might like something even though I personally don’t. I’m not imagining things that make me uncomfortable necessarily, just things I'm neutral on or don’t see the appeal of, but know why they appeal to others and try to imagine what these characters might think.

I feel canon Andrew and Neil explore sex and dynamics that make them comfortable, I have HC about Andrew possibly exploring pup play and wearing a collar for Neil partially as a “joke” in the beginning, but discovering they really like it. I also HC Neil is really into athletic stuff sexually, he thinks Andrew half dressed with his padding still on and a jock strap is just peak sex appeal. I also think Neil is very sensory, and makes associations with smells and senses easily, so he develops a sweat kink, which leads into his armpit kink. Neil isn't turned on by ‘the bad smell of sweat’ but rather the fact that when Andrew is sweaty he smells like Andrew a lot, rather than after a shower he smells more like soap, and he can’t smell Andrew as much. Andrew on the other hand prefers cleaner sex. He’s not triggered by dirty sex though– he used to suck guys off at an alt dance club and is used to the smell of sweaty balls, it's just not an active turn on. Neil has ‘nothing is hotter than Andrew wearing running shoes and socks, and only running shoes and socks’ energy to me too. I think Andrew feels good about himself in leather, but isn't going to be a leather daddy and wear the leather assless chaps and the cap, he will wear the leather harness that every gay wears to pride, but he wears it just for Neil. Also, Neil loves Andrews pecs, Neil’s kinda a boob guy, but for Andrew’s pecs specifically.

I personally think Andrew and Neil typically don’t have penetrative sex. They do it sometimes–and when Andrew is ready he will bottom more as a way to prove something to himself than anything–but it’s not their preferred way or their ‘go to’. When they finally do, they don’t see it as ‘finally having sex for the first time’, since all the sex they've been having is real sex, even if its oral, hand jobs, etc. I don’t think Neil is naturally inclined to bottoming, and since even the visual of topping can make Andrew uncomfortable, they enjoy sex in any other ways, thigh fucking, docking, Andrew fucking Neil’s ass cheeks, sucking each other off, mutual masturbation, frottage, etc. and it leads to stronger orgasms when they don’t have to hope ever second will be a cliff edge and turn into a panic attack. Safer waters are simply more comfortable for them to swim in, and they deem all sex as equal in ‘value.’ that being said, Andrew likes his ass being ate, as long as its just Neil’s tongue, while Neil is neutral on his ass being ate, but loves doing it to Andrew.

I also think they would explore toys, but not in the way they're often explored in fics, which is very vibrator and dildo centric. I think they would use jacking off toys, the disposable egg kind or some more long term ones, maybe even something they could use at the same time. I don’t see them ever actually using handcuffs or restraints really either. Andrew would see Neil tied up as an equivalent statement of ‘I don't trust you not to touch me’ when he wants to actively progress past that, and shows he trusts Neil by not holding his arms back or letting him touch him. Andrew had to hold down previous partners, but Neil is different, Neil listens. This isn’t my personal opinion about restraint, but it is what I think Andrew would think.

I have no idea if this is what you meant by ‘my thoughts’ but here they are. *puts something in your open palms,* idk what emoji that would be