#also if ur reading this. u know who u r. sorry i sent u like four paragraphs <3

[lovesickeros]

☆ even the gods bleed

{☆} characters furina, neuvillette {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings blood, injury, light angst {☆} word count 2.3k

What was justice?

Focalors had asked herself that question many times during the long nights she spends awake pouring over the prophecy of a dead God, words replaying in her mind like a broken record until the sun rose like a blooming flower.

She was the God of Justice, an Archon, yet she herself lacked the answer to such a simple and yet so very complex question.

How does one define what is just and what is not? How does she know that what she believes to be just is right? Is it justice if one being alone may sway the scales of justice on a whim? What justice is there to be found in the cold, watery grave that awaits her nation?

She does not know.

Perhaps she may never know.

What she does know, at least, is that this is not justice.

It is a mockery of it.

She stands before the bloodied, broken body like the judge, her sword held so tightly in her hand her fingers feel stiff, a dull ache adding to the weight of what she's seen. For a long, horrible moment she almost thinks they are dead – something she would have reveled in, only a day prior – before she sees the subtle rise and fall of their chest. Breathing, but barely.

The rain felt heavier upon her shoulders at the realization – she was not sure if it was in relief or horror.

Her nails dig into her palm, mind stuck somewhere between that abject horror and confusion so palpable she swore she could hear the gears in her head turning.

For a long, silent moment as she stares upon the body beneath the heavy rain..she wonders if this is how it all ends instead. If the world itself will simply crumple in on itself and cease – without its heart, it will wither, after all – long before the waters ever swallow her nation whole.

Because, try as she might to rationalize it, for every drop of rain that hits her like pins and needles, soaking her down to the bone..the body of the imposter is completely dry. Even the water pooling along the stones dares not to leave so much as a splotch against their ragged, torn clothes.

She remembers the meeting so very clearly, and she thinks she is a fool to not have noticed sooner – the Creator upon their gilded throne, finger pointed in accusation at the visage far too similar to their own. The imposter. She remembers the lilt of their voice as they called for their death as easily as one would speak of the weather – and to no one other then herself would she admit the spark of fear it had ignited within her. Because beneath the divine charade there was a sick enjoyment in the way they looked upon the imposter – like a bug beneath their shoe.

She understands, now.

She had thought that perhaps finally – finally – she could do right by her people, by her Creator, if she rid Teyvat of this..intrusion.

Now she sees herself as what it all really is – blind lambs following the herder.

Perhaps she would be considered a heretic under the eyes of the law – beneath the weight of justice, heavy as the heart that bears its sins. Perhaps this is a mistake, one she would come to regret.

But for now, she sheathes her blade with unsteady hands, the sound making her ears ring – for what she had almost done, what she had already done – as she stumbles like a newborn lamb towards the broken body of..

..What, exactly? Human? Divine? She is not so sure what to call them. Creator? No. The name is bitter upon her tongue, now, burning like liquid flame down her throat.

Where once she had spoken it in reverence and admiration, it felt hollow and empty, now.

Her vision wavers as she kneels down against the rain soaked stones, the rain upon her back growing heavier as she reaches a shaky hand forth – and for a moment, however brief, she feels the weight of expectation, of a title she fears she may never live up to, wash away with the waters that fall from the heavens.

The bruises and blood smeared across their skin are like strokes of a paintbrush, their body the canvas from which such horrid art is created. It makes her ill.

Doubt wavers her composure briefly – her position is already unsteady. She has never been seen as an equal to many of the other Archons. Her own people do not see her as their Archon, but an actor in a grand play that they shall simply toss aside and replace like a broken doll the moment she bores them.

What does she have left to lose?

She reaches out again, her hand settling onto their shoulder and turning them onto their back. She..isn't sure what to do, actually. She's never been particularly physically capable – she tended to avoid fights, even if she oft provoked them – and she was certainly no healer.

Yet what choice does she have but to march on anyway? She is in the heart of the city, it is far more dangerous here then anywhere else..she had little time to make her move.

Fontaine was, after all, a nation founded on the principle of justice. To know an injustice has been made against the most Divine..the entire nation was in a frenzy.

Her eyes dart around nervously, hands clasped tight on their shoulders and her lips drawn into a taut line – someone would notice her absence. One of the Archons would point out her absence in the coordination of the search.

Her options were just as limited as her time – she couldn't just take them out of the city. Security was tight, and as much as she fancied herself an escape artist – Neuvillette could hardly keep her in one place for too long – she doubted she could do the same with the limp body of the imposter in tow.

..The Palais Mermonia it was, then.

Her room had a secret entrance that few knew about, and even fewer would dare to traverse. She just..had to hide them there for a bit and hope Neuvillette wouldn't notice anything different.

Probably.

Still, there was the problem of actually..transporting the body. As grim as it sounded. Her only solace was the fact she didn't have to worry about them catching a cold, at least, and their breaths were still audible, if only barely. So she had to resort to some..unexpected methods.

Seeing the limp form of, well, the imposter – she'd really have to ask for something else to call them when they woke up – stuck in a bubble of hydro wasn't exactly on her bucket list.

Then again, neither was treason.

Well, first time for everything, right?

It wasn't breaking the law if no one else knew about it.

..Neuvillette didn't have to know about it, really. It was fine.

She could, of course, technically try to talk some sense into Neuvillette – he'd listen to her, right? She thought she was pretty close with him..but he was also the one person more obsessed with justice then she was. Such a stickler for the law..so maybe she's breaking a few, it's fine.

But he was also pretty devout, as much as he tried to keep his worship private – with Focalors around, nothing was really secret. Maybe she could get him to settle down long enough to prove it.

..How was she going to prove it?

An exaggerated groan escaped her lips as she led the bubbled imposter – she really wished she didn't have to resort to that, it would be a lot a more awkward to explain then dragging the body around – through the winding streets of Fontaine. She's just glad she's already memorized the entire city like the back of her hand..and a little dramatics went a long way. People listened when the Hydro Archon spoke, and she was suddenly very, very glad for that fact, even if they treated her more like a mascot then a God.

And partially because she, maybe, just a little..stole a few documents detailing the layout and a little personal exploration of her own – but what Neuvillette didn't know couldn't hurt him!

After what felt like hours, though was really no more then half an hour at best, she'd managed to drag herself – soaked to the bone with rain – and the conveniently bubbled imposter up through the secret entrance and into her room.

The perceived safety, as flimsy as it was, was..comforting. Until she heard the rustle of fabric, the clearing of a throat and the pop of a bubble as she, in her surprise, popped it – and then the thud of the imposter hitting the floor.

She felt a bit of regret about that part, at least, wincing.

"Lady Furina." His voice was as sharp and cool as she remembered it always being – like fresh spring water, she'd heard it described. Soothing. It did not feeling very soothing right about now.

She turned sharply on her heel, a forced smile tugging at her lips on reflex, every muscle in her body tensed – she probably looked like a wet cat right about now, soaked with rain, but that was the last thing on her mind.

"Do you mind explaining what, exactly, you did?" Not what you're doing, she notes – what she did. He was mad. Oh, she was really in for a scolding now. She twiddled her thumbs, laughing weakly, though it quickly dies out at the awkward, tense silence.

"Well, you see – it's rather complicated! I can– I can explain." Her attempts to diffuse are met with a raised brow and the sharp tap of his cane. Every single thought is plagued with the urge to run, but the unsteady breathes of the 'imposter' keep her rooted in place. "Well?"

She was sweating bullets, her nails digging into her palm as she scrambled for any excuse that could warrant her not getting hauled off and scolded thoroughly at best – she was coming up empty. How was she supposed to prove that the 'imposter' was very much not what the 'Creator' said they were? Their unconscious body was doing no one any favors, certainly.

"The Creator is lying," She blurts out, immediately regretting her impulsiveness when she feels the sudden weight of his stare – the piercing hues of his eyes that remind her just who is the strongest between them. It is not her, she knows. It never has been. "You can see for yourself! Don't you trust me, Neuvillette–?"

Her voice is cut off by the sharp click of his cane as he strides across the room in only a few steps, his height making her feel like a child about to scolded. She hated it, but she grit her teeth through the exchange. She reminded herself that this was for the sake of the 'imposter' and any affront to her ego was..tolerable.

To her credit, too, she didn't immediately lash out when she saw him poke at their body with his cane, turning them onto their back – she wanted too, though. She considered it, but the thought was quickly shot down when his stare turned back upon her, and she felt frozen in place again, her tongue a heavy weight in her mouth.

Yet she couldn't shake the sudden tenseness to his shoulders, his brows furrowed and a distant look to his eyes. It was..haunting, in a way.

She knows it well, she realizes. The realization and acceptance, the crumbling of every solid foundation you've ever known – leaving you to flounder in the waves, alone and afraid.

The gentleness in which he picks up the limp body surprises her though, his cane set aside. The rain howls like a horrid storm outside, but she cannot focus on anything but the furrow of their brows, the soft noise that escapes their lips.

"I trust that you know that this must stay between us," His voice is soft, like the gentle lap of waves against the shore, as he sets their body down against the bed, his hand lingering against their cheek with something almost like reverence – and if her eyes do not deceive her, affection. "Lady Furina."

She does not hesitate to agree.

"Well– well of course!" She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest and frowning at the feeling of her wet clothes clinging to her skin, a heavy weight that feels like it's dragging her down. "Just what do you take me for?"

He doesn't deign to respond.

It only makes her fume more.

Not that he seems to notice, unbuttoning his heavy outerwear and tossing it on the bed, rolling up his sleeves and focusing on the injured– er..yeah, she really needed a new name for them. Calling them imposter felt wrong.

"So long as you understand, then we will have no problems." She huffs again, pouting and puffing up her cheeks, sitting down on the other end of the bed with only an occasional glance towards him as he worked at peeling away the ragged clothes and examining the injuries marring their skin.

She suddenly felt out of place.

..What was she supposed to be doing?

As if noticing her sudden quietness, Neuvillette sighed, his back turned to her though his attention very much falling upon her. She really hated the feeling like she was being dissected whenever he looked at her. It was unnerving. She doesn't know how anyone else handles it..

"If you are so eager to do something, Lady Furina, then please have something brought up for when our..guest awakens. They will need to recover their strength."

Finally! Something she can do. She perks up, her heels clicking on the floorboards as she darts out like a bullet, unable to stay still for so much as a moment.

Neuvillette, for his part..

Feels an odd sense of serenity as he stares upon the troubled features of the..guest. A peace that lessens the burdens upon his shoulders, the weight of a nation upon his back.

He cannot hear the rain, anymore.

..It must have stopped.

[pre11yyy]

SUMMARY: You've been teasing Haechan way too much lately so he had to put an end to it (by fucking u so good)

A.N: this was originally a hard thoughts drabble but i just felt like writing more into it so hope u enjoyy... Also m in a very Haechan mood today so i might or might not spam u with his content sorry not sorry

Warnings: explicit content (mdni), mean!haechan, hard!dom!haechan, choking (with hands and cock), hard fucking, unprotected seggs, and more

You were standing in front of Heachan's door, ur hands playing with the hem of ur skirt as u wait for ur brother to show up so u could leave. U always kind of felt nervous around Heachan, u don't know if it's because he always eye-fucks u whenever u r around him, or because of his never ending teasing but u were sure that if u were to be in space alone with him something will 100% happen between both of u.

U can feel that he was only holding back because of his friendship with Mark and that makes u uneasy, so u've been playing with his nerves lately, wanting him to snap out and to give in for his dick i mean for his emotions but also his dick. You didn't know what has gotten into u yesterday but u sent him a picture with ur new red lengerie, waiting for him to see it before deleting it and sending a bunch of sorries wanting to see his face more than anything, but he didn't reply, only reading ur texts without an answer and u couldn't help but wonder if u crossed the line or if u read wrong into him. You weren't sure about coming here with Mark to get his jacket that he forgot in Heachan's house, embarrassed but also curious at the same time, eyes looking for him as he disappeared in his room, hearing his chatter with Mark about random stuff while leaving u standing in the hallaway, u were about to sit in the sofa when u heard their footsteps coming ur way and u stopped looking at Heachan who threw u a very intense look, his eyes hazy as they noticed u, drinking ur excuse of the dress that u fought with Mark over, the small piece barely covering ur ass, ur makeup heavier than usual and the only thing that Heachan wanted to do was to smear it and mess it up but he held himself or at least he tried before he saw the ghost of the red lace bra under ur dress, the same one u sent him yesterday, he cursed under his breath knowing exactly what u r trying to get from all this and he sure will give u that and more.

Mark wrapped his arm around ur shoulders "let's go" u pulled him away annoyed that he messed up ur hair but he returned it in immediately making u fight with him ur dress riding up as u squirm trying to get him away, Heachan watched the whole thing, his pants tightening as he saw the red thong pop in contrast with ur skin, flashing half of ur butt to him. He clenched his hands, his leg shaking impatiently and praying that u'd leave soon or else he'll bend u over in front of Mark. And as if his prayers were answered Mark let go of u earning couples of hits in his chest while laughing at ur tired form, he turned to Heachan "u coming dude?" he asked making the other frown confused "where?" his eyes falling back to u, not missing the small grin on ur face "y/n wants to get a tattoo, it's gonna probably take a long time i'll be so bored if i go with her alone" Heachan raised his eyebrows at u, u really giving it ur best ha! He nodded agreeing to join u and he almost regret that. U were laying on ur stomache the tattoo artist working on ur inner thigh, Heachan could see u through the empty space in the glass, he could see ur ass sticking out as the tattoo artist is inking in ur skin, not paying attention anymore to whatever shit Mark is saying, his mind wondering to later on, to when he'll have u and make u pay for all the teasing u did to him cause ofc he won't let it slide…

U were on ur way back, Heachan's the one driving insisting for both of u and Mark to spend some time in his house and Mark agreed even tho he wanted to drop u off before hands but Heachan refused, u were about to reach Heachan's house when Mark's phone started ringing, "ohh okaay i'll be there in 20 minutes, okayy dw" Mark sighed asking Heachan to drop him off right there "i have to go, they need more waiters tonight" Mark turned to where u r pretending to sleep knowing so well that he would force u to go home right away and u can't let that happen, not when u have this big of oppotunity "dude what am i gonna do? should i wake her up?" Heachan shooked his head "no need i'll take care of her dw" it took Mark a minute to nod his head not sure if he did a good job or not but trusting his friend nonetheless. The moment u heard the door click and the engine start again u opened ur eyes, sighing in relieve and laying there playing with ur phone, excitement filling ur whole body… U felt the car stopping before Heachan got off the car closing the door with too much force that it startled u, u got out of the car seeing Heachan's back facing u as he was opening the door to his house, u stepped in, tugging the end of ur skirt as u followed him inside and the next thing u know, u were pressed on the wall, Heachan's hand wrapped around ur neck making u gasp, his other hand on ur hips, breathing right into ur ears "u played with wrong person little doll" he whispered the hand on ur neck moving up to grip ur jaw making u moan from how rough he is, he chuckled looking at u amused "we didn't even start and u r moaning already?" he clicked his tongue moving ur face and forcing u to look at him, ur hazy eyes meeting up with own and u felt ur legs weaken at the way he was staring at u,

he burrowed his head on ur neck nibbling at ur jaw, his right leg forcing it's way between ur legs, urging u to sit on his thigh and he groaned as he felt ur wetness through his pants, his hand letting go from ur face and gropping ur breasts on top of ur dress, kneading them harshly loving the sound of ur moans and whimpers as u grind at his thigh "i bet u've been waiting for this to hapen right? to come here and for me to fuck u senseless" you whimpered in response, his knee raising slightly to press more on ur pussy making u scream his name, his eyes never leaving ur face, loving the way u look, mouth wide open, eyes rolling back, drooling at the pleasure u were feeling, your makeup a mess already, he groaned, his cock twitching at the sight, his hands leaving ur breast and traveling down to your ass, gripping it tightly and pulling ur body forward making u ride his thigh properly, his hands controlling ur every movement and not letting u stop even if u begged, he moved his face towards yours, his lips ghosting over yours, his hot breath fanning on your skin and you were so eager to kiss him, to taste his mouth that u've heard multiple times talking so dirty and sinful that it drove you crazy.

But he won't give in that easy, he moved away, his hand still controlling your hips and making you chase your orgasm, a devilish grin spreading across his face as he looked at the desperate mess he turned u into, your hands holding onto his shirt for dear life, your knuckles turning white, your eyes closed, your breathing uneven, your whole body trembling from the pleasure, your hips stuttering from overstimulation your thighs clenching around his knee. He chuckled "cum for me doll, cum for me like the desperate whore u are" you moaned in response, his voice and dirty talk sending u over the edge, the pleasure taking over ur whole body, a scream escaping your lips as you cum hard, your juices spilling out on his pants.

He let go of your body and you slumped down to the floor, a satisfied smile on ur face as you look at him through ur hazy vision, his hands fumbling with his belt and undoing his zipper, pulling out his cock and stroking it slowly, the precum spilling out of his slit, his eyes trained on your body, his tongue licking his bottom lip, he smirked and you knew that this won't end until he has his fill. "Strip"

You stood up on wobbly legs, the post orgasm high making your head spin but u still manage to strip out of ur clothes, standing naked in front of Heachan whose hungry eyes were scanning every inch of ur skin, his cock hard and ready, his hand stroking it as he looked at u. He groaned and walked towards you, his hand on the back of ur neck pushing u down until u were face to face with his cock, the tip touching ur lips leaving a trail of precum.

"Open your mouth little doll" despite his words he didn't give u a chance to do so shoving his cock inside your mouth, hitting the back of ur throat and making ur gag reflex kick in, he pushed his cock even deeper inside, making it hit ur throat as tears rolled down ur cheeks, you started coughing and trying to pull away but his hand didn't budge, not letting you escape, not until his whole cock was coated with ur saliva. You sucked him in and swallowed his cock whole, trying your best not to choke, your nails digging into his thighs, leaving crescent moons on his skin.

He grunted, his hand fisting ur hair and forcing you to deep throat his cock, your jaw starting to hurt and you were close to passing out from the lack of air, Heachan groaned as he released his seed deep down your throat, you swallowed everything, his hands finally letting go of your hair and you fell on the floor this time gasping and trying to regain your breath. U were panting, drool and his cum drippin on ur chin, eyes teared up smeering ur mascrara and eyeliner, your body hot and sweaty and the only thing he wants to do is to make u beg for his mercy but he held himself back, pulling his cock back into his pants and adjusting them making u look at him confused "w-what are u doing?" you asked, the panic evident in your voice, scared that he'll leave u hanging. He raised his eyebrow at you and chuckled "what is it doll? did you think i'll let u go this easily?" his eyes darkening and the corner of his lips quirking up "what do u think? should i leave u now?" he asked the smirk evident on his lips as he saw how eargerly u were shaking ur head "use your words little doll" he teased and u blushed "please" u whimpered "please what? what do u want?" he teased, enjoying how flustered and nervous u are getting.

"I want you to fuck me" u whispered, eyes casted down, he lift ur chin forcing u to look at him , his other hand removing the strands of hair that got stuck on ur face "i don't know if u derserve it tbh" u pouted at him, making him laugh ur insides tightening delicously at the sound of it "so eager for me huh? u want me that bad? u want my cock so deep inside u?" u nodded eagerly and he smiled at ur desperation, his hand letting go of ur chin and wrapping around ur throat as he pulled you towards him, his other hand holding ur jaw forcing u to keep your eyes on him.

"I'll make sure to break u until all u can do is beg me to stop, until the only word left in ur mind is my name, until u forget every other name but mine" he whispered in ur ear, his grip tightening making u gasp and moan "is that what u want? tell me doll" you nodded, a silent "please" escaping ur lips and he smirked, satisfied with ur answer. He led u towards his room, pushing u onto the bed, his mouth finding its way to your neck, his teeth scraping ur skin and sucking on it harshly, leaving marks on the way. His tongue trailing a path from ur collarbones, to ur nipples, swirling his tongue around them before biting and sucking them harshly, making you moan loudly. "You're such a slut for me aren't you y/n? always teasing me, wanting my cock inside u" his hand reached down, two fingers plunging inside your pussy without warning, a loud moan leaving ur lips as his fingers curl inside u, his thumb pressing on ur clit, sending shivers down ur spine.

"Oh my god.. ahh" he chuckled, his mouth still leaving marks on ur skin while his fingers are moving inside u. "I love how wet u got for me baby, so wet and ready to take my cock" his thumb speed rubbing harshly against your clit making u squirm on his hold from the pleasure until u cum, your juices squirting and covering his fingers, incoherent words leaving ur mouth as u try to catch ur breath but he didn't let that happen his hand never stopping its movement, fingers thrusting in and out, curling and uncurling, making ur walls flutter around him, your whole body twitching as he overtimulated u while u were trying to pull him away from u, ur tears not stopping as u cried and begged him to stop, "Fuck… Heachan please… Please i can't anymore" u whimpered, tears rolling down ur cheeks as you kept cumming, his fingers never leaving, the pleasure was too much that u were about to pass out but he won't let u, his hands finally stopping, showing u his fingers that were coated with your juices before he licked them, enjoying the sweet taste of it.

"You're doing good doll, u taste so sweet" he cooed, his mouth leaving kisses and licks on ur face, his hands roaming around your body, making your breath hitch and ur skin tickle, his fingers finding its way to ur neck, wrapping around it and squeezing gently, your mouth forming a small o shape, his other hand holding your jaw, his mouth on top of yours, his tongue forcing its way inside and exploring ur mouth, u felt his fingers tightening its hold blocking the air making u dizzy the only thing u can hear is your own heartbeat, your eyes rolling back and closing, the pleasure making its way through ur body, your whole body going limp as he kisses the life out of you. He pulled away, his fingers letting go of ur neck and you gasped, trying to take in the air, Heachan kissed the side of ur neck before whispering in ur ears "are u ready baby?" he bit ur jaw "are u ready for my cock?" u nodded eagerly and he flipped you over, his fingers digging into ur hips, his cock entering inside u in one thrust making u cry out his name, the sudden pleasure overwhelming and making ur head spin, Heachan groaned at the way ur walls wrapped around him squeezing his cock so tight making his mind go blank and his self control slip, he moved, his hips moving in and out, his pace fast and rough, not caring whether it's hurting you or not, all he wanted was to have his way with you and mark you and make sure that you'll be thinking of him and him only.

"Shit… u feel so good y/n, so fucking tight" he cursed under his breath, his hands holding onto ur hips, his fingers bruising the soft skin as u were gone, ur mind so foggy only gasping and moaning as he pounded into u, his cock hitting deep, his hips slamming hard into your ass, a string of curses leaving his lips, the pleasure so great and overwhelming that his mind is clouded, all he can think about is you and his need to release, his need to cum deep inside and to make sure that u r full and dripping with his cum.

You were so close, u can feel it, you were about to cum,your whole body trembled as his fingers were digging harder into your skin holding you close and tight, u felt his thrusts getting sloppier and faster, his cock reaching the deepest spots, hitting your g spot over and over again, and when his hand reached around and pressed on your clit, it was over for you, you came with a scream, his name leaving your mouth as ur thighs were shaking, your eyes rolling back, ur whole body trembling, and Heachan wasn't done, he groaned, his movements slowing down as he filled you with his cum, his cock pulsating inside of you, his cum dripping down ur thighs as he pulled out. Heachan was breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling with every breath he took, his hands moving away from your hips watching intensly how his cum oozed out of you, a smug look on his face, proud that he marked you as his, your whole body aching, his hands were all over you, tracing every bruise and bite mark he made, his lips trailing kisses on your neck, a small smile on his face as he held you in his arms making u cling to him more before u felt something poking ur back and u widen ur eyes so tired "Heachan please no" u whined trying to get away from his hold but his grip was tight, not letting go as his lips curled up, his smile growing wider "just one more time y/n" and u were sure by the tone of his voice that he doesn't mean that at all.

[tkaulitzlvr]

heyyyyy!! just wanted to start by saying i legit love ur writing so much ur one of my fav TH authors and i legit love seeing and reading ur stories. THEY R SO DAMN GOOD :)

anyways here the request if ur comfy lol IVE HAD THIS IDEA FOR SO LONG AND I NEED SOMEONE TO DO IT PLS QUEEN

soooo basically like 2017 soft dom tom and like we r in a car driving and like reader is rlly horny and hes teasing her LIKE CRAZYYYYY and resting his hand on her thigh and stuff and whispering dirty stuff to her giving her small neck kisses and pecks and like other teasing stuff (LOL IDK WHATEVER U WANT JUST SHIT TONE OF TEASING) and then when they get home he completely ignores reader and acts like it never happened and just acts normal and goes to watch tv on couch but then reader gets RLLY CLINGY and comes over and THEN STARTS TEASING TOM ON COUCH and like reader whispers stuff to him and neck kisses and the tom gets rlly nervous and then he gives up and like eats her out till shes BEGGING HIM TO STOP (so like some overstim) and then they fuck and yeah just smut smut smut. and tom and reader with praise kink and lots of dirty talk pretty pls. <3

HAH SORRY THAT WAS KINDA LONG AND DETAILED BUT YEAH ITS LEGIT MY DREAM STORY. pls only write if ur comfortable but yeah u can add whatever u want that would fit with the story and YEAH PLS MAKE IT GOOD!!! (u will ur amazing) yeah thankyouuuuuuuuu <3 :)

DESPERATE - T. KAULITZ

synopsis: you can’t contain yourself, basically throwing yourself at tom. he knows it, but wants to make you wait as long as he can, and it drives you crazy. but, he makes you realise that you should be careful what you wish for.

content: smut

a/n: thank u so much anon i’m glad u love my work, and i hope this lives up to ur expectations. also never written for older tom before so thanks for being my first req to write him🙏

he saw the glances i sent his way, the way my legs squeezed together, palms becoming a little sweaty. he noticed my breathing becoming a little erratic, teeth sinking into my bottom lip, feet tapping impatiently against the floor. he knew exactly what i wanted. but, even when i leaned over, running my hands across his inner thighs, closer and closer to his clothed dick, he kept his eyes on the road, knowing that he was driving me crazy, and he liked it.

“thinking of ordering pizza for dinner. you down?” he asks, completely ignoring my hands which are now directly over his crotch, and my eyes on him, filled with desire. he knows exactly what is doing, the slight smirk tugging on his lips telling me that, and i know that he won’t give up his little game yet. i am in for a long night, my eyes set on feeling him inside of me, willing to do literally anything to get that satisfaction, completely aware that he isn’t going to make it easy for me.

but, that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to tease me either.

“mmm, i’d rather have you instead.” i mutter, knowing that he heard me.

we stop at a red light and he turns to me, his eyes dark, a familiar look of lust present within them. that same smirk is still on his face as he slowly leans over, planting a slow kiss just below my ear, his breath tickling the skin as he whispers into it. “who says you can’t have both?”

my eyes widen, the heat between my thighs only increasing, his words quickly causing me to become flustered, my cheeks flushing a light shade of crimson. he sees this, a small laugh escaping his lips as he plants soft kisses at my neck, the warmth of his touch contrasting with the harsh metal of his lip ring as it dances around the skin of my neck, my head tilting to the side to give him better access. his actions are abruptly cut off by the sound of a horn behind us, tom’s head shooting upwards, the traffic lights already having turned green.

he quickly adjusts himself, flashing me a quick wink before pulling his head out of my neck and beginning to drive away. my eyes focus on his hand on the gearstick, the way his veins flex, fingers tightly holding onto it, wanting nothing more for them to be moving inside of me. as if he had read my mind, he removes his hand, placing it onto my thigh, letting it travel further upwards, moving closer and closer to the place i need him most, his head still facing the road as he looks blankly at it as if he isn’t teasing me to the point that i could scream.

he moves his hand flat against me, and my body jerks in shock, his fingers slowly rubbing my clothed clit, he sees the reaction he gets out of me by doing this, smiling to himself before abruptly moving his hand away, returning it to its previous position on the gearstick as i whine in frustration.

“baby why’d you stop?” i sigh, placing my hand over his and trying to move it back over my heat, but he refuses, keeping it set on the gearstick.

“stop acting so impatient, liebe, or you know you won’t get anything. be good for me and maybe i’ll give you what you want, you just gotta wait till we get home, mhm?” he taunts, watching the way i quickly nod my head, smiling at my obedience, placing his hand back on my thigh, torturing me as his thumb begins slow movements over it.

so i stayed put, trying to distract myself literally however i could, the drive home seeming like hours as each second wasted time, time that could be spent with him inside of me. the teasing never stopped, tom kissing my ear, neck, collarbone, cheek, anywhere his lips could access whenever we stopped at a red light, promising that he’d give me what i so desperately needed once we got home. so i held on, restricting myself, his words keeping me going, acting as motivation as the reward of holding back was completely worth it.

a sigh of relief escapes my parted lips once he turns onto our driveway, my hands scrambling to undo the seatbelt, literally unable to contain myself at this point. tom however, takes his time, not stepping out of the car until i have reached the front door, unable to get in as he pulls the key from his pocket, slowly unlocking the door. i expect him to move onto me the second we walk in, pushing me against the wall, attacking me with kisses, showing me that he meant his promise, but he does the opposite.

he slowly kicks his shoes off, walking into the kitchen as i stand there, pissed off and feeling completely let down. i join him in the kitchen as he stands on his phone, leaning against the counter, a smile forming on his lips once he sees me walk in.

“what pizza do you want babe? i’m feeling like pepperoni.” he utters those words so nonchalantly, as if the things he had said to me, the way he had touched me in the car were all figments of my imagination. i mumble a small ‘get me anything, i don’t care’, before trudging to the living room, sexually frustrated, completely done with his teasing.

he joins me soon after, patting my thigh gently as he sits beside me, grabbing the remote and scrolling through the channels as if i wasn’t sat next to him, bored and desperate. i had reached my breaking point.

“tom…” i trail off, leaning towards him, my lips pressing open-mouthed kisses against his neck, taking note of the way his breathing begins to quicken, knowing that i am slowly getting to him. but he doesn’t show it yet, his expression still blank, eyes still set on the tv in front of him.

“baby…” i mutter against his skin, my hand reaching for his crotch, palming him as a low groan emits from his now parted lips. he shuffles in his seat a little, adjusting himself and clearing his throat. still nothing. i reach underneath his t-shirt, my fingers tracing his abs, feeling every muscle, lips still attached to his neck. he doesn’t give in, keeping me waiting, which only frustrates him even more, but i can feel him slowly giving in, only motivating me more.

“please, i promise i’ll be good…” i slowly say, looking upwards at him before climbing onto his lap, straddling him as he has no choice but to look into my eyes. “i’ll be so good…”

i repeat my words, dipping my head so that it is underneath his chin, kissing his neck once again, sucking gently on the skin as i try to leave marks. but i am not finished yet. i slowly begin to grind against his clothed dick, moving back and forth at a teasingly slow pace. it doesn’t take long for his hands to grip at my hips, completely stopping my movements. bingo.

“so fucking impatient.” he mumbles, switching us around in one swift motion as he lays me on the couch, moving on top of me and messily colliding his lips with mine. “couldn’t wait at all could you, hm?”

i say nothing, too busy focusing on the way his lips move against mine. he clearly isn’t wasting anytime as i feel his hands move to my leggings, hooking his fingers around the hem, tugging them and my panties down, raking them down my legs and throwing them carelessly onto the floor. my own hands scramble for his t-shirt, taking it off of him and letting it find the pile of clothes on the floor, my own t-shirt and his pants following, only his boxers between us.

he reconnects our lips as a quiet ‘please’ escapes from my mouth, wanting more than just a kiss, having waited all night for this.

“please what? you know you have to use your words schatz.” he teases, his forehead against mine, waiting for me to speak.

“need you to touch me.” i whine, my hands finding his neck as i play with the loose strands of hair, watching the way he nods his head, seeming satisfied with my answer.

he crawls downwards, kissing each part of my body as he does so, nipping gently at the skin, enjoying the way my breathing is fast and heavy, low whines escaping my mouth. he reaches my inner thighs, still planting small kisses, one hand on each leg as he forces them both apart, letting his head rest in-between them, stopping his motions and looking upwards at me, his eyes meeting mine.

“you sure?” he asks, knowing full well what my answer is, using his breath to ask such a pointless question, knowing that it will only get me more riled up.

“yes tom just- fuck! touch me, ple-.” i sigh out, my pleading soon cut off when i feel his tongue delve into me, my mouth forming an ‘o’ shape as i my hands find their way into his hair, pushing him further into me.

“oh my god!” i cry, feeling his tongue hit all the right spots inside of me, knowing that it won’t take long for the familiar knot to form in my stomach, his teasing meaning that the smallest of touches had the biggest effect on me. he groans against me, the bass in his throat sending a vibration through me, yet another moan spilling from my lips, his name never being said this many times before.

his pointer finger finds its way to my clit, rubbing slow circles whilst his tongue continues to drill inside of me, my release building up inside of me.

“getting close. don’t stop, oh my god please don’t stop!” i beg, my hands lost within the thick strands of brunette hair, the previous tidy bun messy thanks to me, but he didn’t seem to mind, only focused on feeling me get to my end.

his tongue touches my g-spot, a high pitch moan unlike no other i had uttered coming from the back of my throat. he picks up on this, directly hitting that spot over and over, my vision clouding, eyes rolling to the back of my head, way too lost in pleasure to process the fact that the knot in my stomach had released, tom swallowing all of my juices. i expect him to stop, my chest heaving up and down, coming down from my high, every part of me sensitive, but he keeps going at a fast pace - if not quicker than before.

“too much! can’t take it.” i breathe out, my thighs squeezing against his head, careful not to apply too much pressure, but he only smiles against me, completely ignoring my pleas.

“you wanted me to touch you.” he mutters into me, replacing his mouth with his fingers so he can speak more clearly. “so that’s what i’m gonna do schatz.”

and he sticks to his words, his tongue moving back inside me, the overstimulation quickly taking over, my entire body jolting when he hits the sensitive spots inside of me, unable to take the pleasure.

“please…i can’t…too much…”

my words are incoherent, not able to form full sentences as i feel another release building up.

“not stopping until you say the word baby.” he mumbles against me, referring to our safe word that i have only had to use once. he knows that i won’t say it, secretly enjoying the pleasure despite the pain that comes with it, taking all of it in. “you can give me one more, doing so well.”

i take in every single word of praise he gives me, using it to work through the pain, focusing on the pleasure, using it to guide me to my release, my eyes squeezing shut, head falling backwards as it takes over, my back arching off of the couch, this one much more powerful than the last. he swallows everything, planting a few kisses on my lips as i wince, completely spent. my body lays limp on the couch, his moving upwards so that he is hovering above me. he kisses me softly, his thumb reaching upwards and wiping a few tears that i hadn’t even realised had fallen.

he sits up, taking his boxers off, stopping them at his knees, not even bothering to fully remove him. he lifts my body, sitting me on top of him so i am straddling him.

“you did so well baby. you think you can handle just one more, for me?” he asks, running his hands up and down my hips, watching as i tiredly nod my head, a small smile spreading across his face.

i position myself onto him, slowly sliding downwards as he fills me up.

“fuckkkk.” he drags out, his head falling backwards and resting on the top of the couch, his hands tightly holding my hips, fingers digging into the flesh.

i stop about halfway, feeling completely full, not sure how i will be able to take all of him. he sees that i am struggling, kissing my cheeks gently , moving down to my collarbone.

“you feel so good baby, keep going, you’re almost there. shit- so fucking good.”

low groans escape his mouth as i nod my head, continuing to sink onto him until i am fully sat on him, my mouth dropping open, wincing a little at the pain, his fingers nothing compared to the size of him. i place my hands on his chest, trying to steady myself as i begin bouncing up and down, tom moaning loudly, his hands never leaving my hips, watching me move on him.

“so fucking tight, oh my god…” he sighs out, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip, eyes fluttering shut as i speed up my movements, whining as he hits a totally new angle, never feeling so good, so full before.

his forehead glistens with sweat, muscles flexing every time he squeezes my hips, his fingers leaving marks into my skin, but i don’t complain, the feeling only increasing my stamina. my walls clench around him unconsciously, tom groaning whenever i do it, the feeling only bringing him closer to the edge.

“just like that.” he groans, his voice deep. “yeah, shit baby- feels so good.”

after my two orgasms, it doesn’t take me long to become tired, my movements slow and sloppy. my body collapses onto his chest, frustrated as i am getting close, unable to get there myself. he notices this quickly, beginning to thrust upwards into me, loud moans echoing throughout the room as i try my best to meet his movements, rotating my hips a little, feeling him deeper inside me than i ever have before.

“i’m close. don’t stop.” i manage to say, messily colliding his lips with mine, his tongue exploring my mouth whilst his strokes remain strong and deep, hitting all the right spots.

“me too baby.” he mutters between kisses. “almost there, you’re doing so so well.”

his dick twitches inside of me as he thrusts in and out a few more times, before his cum shoots into me. his head quickly falls backwards, eyebrows furrowing, mouth falling open as a long groan falls from it, his release triggering my own as i clench around him for the last time. he thrusts a few more times, riding out our highs, our heavy breathing and skin slapping together the only thing sounding throughout the quiet room.

he kisses my lips once more, pulling apart as his forehead leans against mine, arms holding me within his embrace, skin pressed together.

“you did so good meine liebe. took me so well.” he whispers, still trying to catch his breath as i am unable to respond, totally worn out, my body weak as it rests in his for support.

his lips gently kiss my forehead, one hand running through my hair whilst the other gently strokes my back, his breathing calming down as he utters sweet nothings in my ear until i fall asleep within his embrace, completely exhausted.

requests are open! keep sending them in!!

[potchi-fics]

Sundo | part two of 8 ball

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

sundô. imagine being so tired from studying, from using your brain so much that you just feel like collapsing. but you remember that at the end of the day, someone's waiting-- waiting for you. a simple gesture yet it makes you feel so many things all at once: happiness, excitement, comfort... and wonder.

NOTE: sundo means to fetch someone from somewhere.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Y/n leans back on the chair she has been sitting on for hours now. she checks her phone and she sees that it's 5:59 pm. she got too busy with academic work, she always wants to finish her projects as soon as possible because she doesn't like procrastinating.

she sighs through her nose, holding the bridge of her nose, she's so tired. even her ears hurt from the hours of wearing her headphones.

and of course, her friends are studying alongside with her... but they all fell asleep. thankfully, though, they got their work done.

"wake up," she gently shakes Aiki, who whined and shooed her away. she moved on to Monika who woke up with just a nudge. "Noze, it's almost time to go home."

"god," Noze cracks her back, "my whole body hurts. good thing we don't have any classes for two days."

"you're goddamn right about that. somebody wake Aiki up." Monika groans out in defeat.

Y/n tries again, "Aiks, c'mon, it's time to go home."

the three struggled to contain their laughter once they see Aiki's state: drool all over her cheek and table, and the thousand-yard stare.

"aw gross, wipe your face, Aiks." Noze hands her wet wipes.

Y/n struggled even more when Monika showed her the picture she took of Aiki when she woke her up. she looks like a toddler who just woke up.

"is it time to go home? what time is it?" Aiki groggily asks.

she was about to tell her when something caught her eye; a text message from Bada. it read:

"what time's ur dismissal?"

it was sent four minutes ago. she texts back:

"6:30, whyy?"

she didn't get to put down her phone because it buzzed. it's a reply from her:

"i'll come and fetch u. where r u?"

Y/n's weirdly excited about this? and also a tiny bit nervous? nevertheless, she replied:

"library with my friendsss."

and she waits. she can't even stay still, and the other notice it.

"jesus, can you stop with the pen clicking?" Monika complains.

Y/n mutters out a soft sorry.

Noze looks at her with a funny expression, "who were you texting?"

a beat passes before she says Bada's name.

the trio have their what-the-hell faces on. before she could defend herself, they already started teasing her relentlessly; saying things like she's excited to see Bada, or that they were gonna go on a date.

"guys," she starts, "it's not a date and why would i be nervous? it's Bada." she rolls her eyes. "i could squeeze that punk easily."

but she is nervous. she doesn't know why. is it because of what happened at that billiards place? why did she even do that in the first place.

time seems to really pass by because six-thirty comes and they start tidying their place. making silent conversation. they come out of the library and see someone squatted down.

it's her.

Y/n thinks-- god, she's so handsome and pretty, she's not even doing anything. she malfunctions because she did not just think that? that is so not Y/n coded of her, she adds.

her friend's loud voice caught their attention, "hey, Bada!"

"yo," Bada stands up, looking at Y/n. "are you guys done? can i steal her away from you now?"

Y/n could only roll her eyes, "what do you mean by steal me away? as if i would let myself be taken."

"so grumpy," Bada tease, "careful now, you look like that one angry bird."

"well, in that case, i'm a pretty angry bird." she retaliates.

her enemy pats her head, "sure, sure.. let's go. bye guys!"

the trio shakes their head, even walking, the two seems to fight. they witness how Bada tries to carry Y/n's things but she wouldn't let her. however, eventually, Y/n gives in and gives Bada her things.

bada opens her car door for Y/n, receiving a soft thank you from the girl. she puts the things in the backseat and finally enters the drivers seat.

"you hungry?" she asks.

Y/n nods, too tired to talk. she closes her eyes and feel the car start up, she assumes that Bada knows a place.

during the car ride, comfortable silence envelops the pair. it continues that way not until she feels a hand on her thigh. Y/n opens her eyes and her gaze fell on the hand that is on her thigh.

Bada couldn't resist-- she caresses her thigh, rubbing circles on it, even slightly moving it up. she notices that the girl's breath is uneven. she thinks about removing it when a hand stops her.

the tension, even before what happened at the pool table, got so much thicker. it's so thick that they feel like suffocating.

sadly, they arrive at the place they're gonna eat at.

"c'mon, we're here." Bada parks the car.

they both thought the same thing: pussy blocker.

they go in the restaurant and order, wherein Bada insists that she treats her. of course, Y/n tries to pay for her own food but Bada is stubborn gal.

they take a sit once they get their order and start eating. surprisingly, their conversation is easy-going.

"so, what made you fetch me today? missed me that much?" Y/n asks with her mouth full of food.

Bada chuckles at the cute sight, "you're delusional. i just wanted to annoy you."

"oh, trust me," she answers in a grumble, "you're annoying me so much."

"is that why we're enemies?" Bada cackles out. "'cus i'm annoying? you didn't find me annoying back in middle school, though."

yes. they're childhood friends- err, childhood enemies. they're one of those typical rivals where they grew up together. they just haven't told anyone, but not because they don't want to, but because it wasn't just brought up until now.

she pouts out, "i wouldn't say enemies.. but yeah."

a loud laughs emits from the person in front of her again, can't believe the reason.

"stop laughing," Y/n gigges, "it's not funny. i'm just glad i don't have any classes, i'm so tired. and hungry."

Bada watches her with a smile, even though the girl in front of her is stuffing her face with food-- Bada still thinks that she's beautiful.

"stop ogling at me, i know i'm pretty and all," she flutters her eyelashes at her, "are you falling in love with me?"

"you sound so stupid." this time, it was Bada's turn to roll her eyes. "say, you wanna come over to my house after this?"

Y/n makes a playful shock face, "oh my? and you say you're not falling in love with me? but yes."

Bada feels like she's on cloud nine. what is wrong with her?

they finish their meal and she checks the time. it's seven-forty. they exit the place and Y/n complains about being so bloated now. to which Bada teased her by saying that she's always bloated.

banter ensues, even all the way to Bada's house, they're still bickering like children.

time check: eight-twenty-three.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚

should i make the next part smut? or continue with fluff

૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა

[nightcolorz]

it's so crazy that people are out here making literal terf arguments over a fictional gay couple

also it was taking me out how that reply was literally citing examples of Louis' textual racial oppression as evidence of him being a subtextual woman like is that really what we're doing now?? Lestat owns the Azalea on paper because Louis can't own it as a black man during Jim Crow not because Lestat is equally invested in running the business as The Man like it's 1000% Louis' thing, and ignoring the strategic ways he operates his business black man just bc you're uncomfortable with the moral nature of that business is so blatantly insulting to Louis character and agency it's ridiculous. Like if Louis is a woman the majority of these people are being unironically sexist towards her because they like the boring self-insert wattpad version of her they created in their heads rather than the actual character.

sorry for the rant you can feel free to ignore it but that was driving me crazy

don’t apologize for the rant I’m so happy u sent me the rant bcus now I feel like I’m not crazy 😭😭. I didn’t actually read that one reply bcus the weird font changes gave me a migraine, but I skimmed enough to know what their thesis was 💀.

the terf shit is genuinely insane. I think a lot of this interpretation comes down to cis women with internalized sexism and transphobia (and racism cough cough) choosing to interpret Louis and lestats relationship in a way that aligns with their heteronormative narrow minded view of relationships (especially abusive ones) bcus they r unable to interpret a story about a gay black man being domestically abused by a flamboyant white man in a way that doesn’t revolve around the oppression of cis women bcus they believe that cis women are the central and only victims of oppression and domestic violence.

even tho it is explicitly shown to us that Lestat is able to abuse louis bcus louis is socially oppressed as a black man and lestat has societal power over him, ppl feel the need to put this “he’s also a metaphor for women” angle on it bcus they don’t want to confront the reality that men, especially men who are oppressed bcus of race or queerness or disability or any number of things, can be abused by their partners, and often are. I’ve noticed a lot of cis women have a problem with acknowledging that men can and do experience oppression that is “for women”. Domestic violence is often leveraged against women, but men are also victimized by it too, and stories about men who r abused deserve to be told without being “secretly about women”. This is especially weird since Louis is a black man, and I think a lot of this interpretation is happening bcus a lot of ppl subconsciously believe that black men can’t be victims of abuse or violence without being somehow women. Which is fucked up, obviously. It also undermines the actual story being told about a black man trying to navigate abuse and power structures by suggesting it’s actually about misogyny, bcus the implication is that misogyny is more important or legitimate then a black man’s experience and therefore he is just a mouth piece for a “real issue”

this is also why I think ppl argue lestat can’t be feminine bcus he abused Louis. They think that a feminine person can’t be an abuser, so they think that when I say lestat is feminine, im actually invaliding that he’s an abuser and suggesting he’s actually not abusive (bcus he’s fem). Believe it or not, u can be feminine and flamboyant or be a woman and at the same time be domestically violent against ur partner. Lestat’s feminine self expression and behavior is completely irrelevant to him being abusive, and he can be abusive and leverage his privilege over Louis while still being a feminine person. I think cis women have a problem with this bcus they are frightened to admit that they are capable of being instigators of violence despite being women/feminine . So friendly reminder, femininity is not the same as being morally good or pure, and femininity and victimhood are not the same. Trying to paint lestat as this embodiment of masculine and patriarchal ideals when he is very much a feminine queer man just bcus u insist that abuse has to fit into ur narrow minded view of what an abuser and a victim looks like is well, ignorant.

so Ppl who r socially oppressed are often victimized, and women are often victimized bcus they are socially oppressed, but Louis is socially oppressed and and that does not make him a women. Got it? 💀

It’s also important to acknowledge that Louis is a pimp who uses the victimization of women to gain social status and money for himself. Equating his suffering with the suffering of women is just not accurate when the show explicitly demonstrates to us that Louis is able to use the victimization of women to his advantage. Louis still operates within the patriarchy as a man, and him being abused by another man doesn’t make him less of a man, doesn’t make him akin to a woman thematically, and doesn’t mean he experiences misogyny the way women do in the narrative

(also, just a disclaimer, I’m not talking about ppl who headcanon Louis as trans or gnc or feminine, that is all awesome and a great way to express urself and how u relate to him. What I’m talking about is ppl who say that iwtv is thematically about domestic abuse against women bcus Louis is presented as the woman in the relationship since he’s abused by lestat )

[rollercoasterwords]

Fanfic writer asks — 4, 5, and/or 20!

hi!!

4. Share a headcanon about (character name) in (story title)!

left it open not sure if i'm mean 2 do this for one of my own stories or just any story...suppose i will take this opportunity 2 weigh in on the reg birthday debate & say that i see him as a capricorn. could perhaps be convinced of virgo as well...but that boy is not a cancer sorry

5. Is there a tiny detail in one of your fics that you feel goes tragically unnoticed?

not sure if it's something that's been noticed/brought up before but i don't think it has...i love a full circle/mirrored ending moment so in atydsp the very first line is him being awake + the very last line is him falling asleep <3

20. Is there anything about any one of your fics that you have been dying to discuss but haven’t had the chance to?

oooh idk...honestly zar has been getting quite a few voicenotes recently abt different parts of wfrau so there has been quite a bit i've wanted to discuss lol but some of it is just stuff abt the lily interlude + epilogue that i can't talk abt without spoiling...

i guess one thing i've wanted 2 discuss/one thing that's been interesting to see is (again) the way people have responded 2 the whole james/lily/regulus ambiguity...like i know that much of this fandom revolves around shipping etc but sometimes i've just wanted 2 be like it's not happening!!!!!!!! how can i make it more obvious!!!! but then again that's just part of putting ur writing out there in the world like someone can read something & interpret it completely differently than how u expected regardless of what u do...remember one person commented talking abt how they loved the polyamorous rep w james in wfrau & i was baffled bc in my mind i was writing him as aromantic...also was interesting seeing people expecting jegulily bc i thought i'd done a pretty good job writing reg + lily as platonic lol. also has just been interesting in a broader sense to see the different ways people think abt + interpret sex vs romance...like the idea that james enjoys sex but doesn't find it romantic isn't all that crazy to me bc sex & romance don't necessarily go hand in hand in my own life like. sometimes u just hook up for fun u don't have 2 be in love...but for some people those things r very tied together & it's difficult to conceptualize a guy who just wants to sleep w his friends! so that's been interesting 2 discuss...like the whole expectation that where there's sex romance must follow etc...

one other thing i've been wanting to discuss is like. r&s as they currently stand lol sent a whole long voicenote abt this the other day so have already gotten some of it out of my system but. it's interesting again seeing the amount of feedback from people who really wanted them 2 reconcile + have a happy ending at the point where things currently stand/the conclusion of the main story--or who are holding out for a happily ever after, etc. like to be fair their story has changed a lot as i've written it & i didn't know when i started the fic that the main story would end as it has. that being said ever since the obliviation became a key part of the story i've known that r&s simply would not be getting back together after voldemort's defeat...like sirius genuinely does not love remus anymore bc how could he! he doesn't remember him! they're practically strangers! & remus doesn't wanna give sirius another chance bc why would he! after all the hurt he already went through! knowing that the person in front of him now is essentially the guy who killed the person he loved & took his place! or perhaps more accurately is equivalent to the reanimated corpse of the person he loved...came back wrong narrative etc...u get the point (hopefully). anyway it just seemed clear to me that reconciliation would not be in the cards for them & it felt like brushing past that or trying to patch things up would detract from the emotional impact i was going for...perhaps even diminish the depth of the feelings they did, at one point, have for each other--like, it's only because they cared about each other so much that things are so unfix-able now. of course i do have my interlude + epilogue left 2 play around w but also bc i am mean + contrary + like making people sad every comment of someone being like "please make them happy :((" makes me want to not do that lol

& last thing is just a fun detail abt james that i'm not sure if anyone's noticed...putting it under a cut in case anyone wants 2 put the pieces together themself but a fun little detail abt his death:

james's recurring nightmare abt a bright light + his boggart being that bright light was him seeing his own death <3 bc he lost his ability to see color the 'avada kedavra' didn't look green to him; it was just bright light. & that was the last thing he ever saw! fun <3

fic writer ask game

[psychewritesbs]

hi! i didnt have much success when looking through ur blog to see if uve addressed this alrdy so apologies if u have.

i was curious to know ur thoughts on jjk's portrayals of gender, esp women/femininity. if u have particular insight from a psych or philosophy bg, id be interested in hearing that (warning, i have a v feminist critique lens)

ik u love gege's writing 😅 but his handle on female characters/femininity has given me such a difficult relationship w jjk, and its v difficult to have discourse on it. on one hand, we're introduced to sm interesting realistic women, tbh i actually never stanned a woman in manga before jjk. but imo it cant be denied that gege is a sexist writer. despite how realistic jjk women r theyre all .. halfwritten? i cant think of a single one who isnt underwritten, not fully explored, not utilized substantially in the plot, etc. and there r sm ex's of extremely minor male characters in jjk who r given more thematic relevance than frequently recurring women that just underscores that gender gap imo

this isnt solely a gege problem ik but what bothers me in particular about jjk vs other mangas is how gege addresses strength, even in the light of nb/androgynous characters, and how it feels as if gege's def of strength is inherently masculine? even despite going so far as to give us a philosophical battle shonen w diverse reps of gender and emphasizing individuality that encompasses both femme/masc traits

how a reader interprets whether a jjk woman is strong or not is obv subjective. like, i think shoko is strong but shes not depicted as such bc she doesnt have a combative technique whereas yuki maki nobara or mei r depicted as "strong" bc of their battle abilities. but it also feels as if those women r strong bc they take on "masculine" traits/mindsets whereas there r no clear depictions of "femininity" making women or men stronger. even utahime who falls into v classic shoujo girl tropes is seen as weak despite teaching her students v proficientally in battle strategy (mechamaru v mahito is a good ex of that imo), as compared to how gojo teaches his (ie dumping them into missions for experience). but thats not what gege ever chooses to highlight

femininity also doesnt even seem to make men/nb characters stronger. the ex's i can think of r naoya as a vagina (lmao), geto as a mother to curses, yuta as highly attuned to his emotions, kenjaku as yuji's mother -- those r things that support these (mostly) men's strong sense of individuality but like, those arent really the things that lend those characters their "strength", u know? like geges just sprinkling in androgyny for the spice 🧐

what is feminine vs masculine, how an individual embodies those traits in their gender identity r already complex topics. im obv generalizing a lot here, but i just, idk despite how many other nuanced philosophies gege explores, what is strong/desirable in jjk still falls down to all-out fighting abilities/physical prowess, emotional detachment, isolation, extremism, etc -- all things we harp on toxic masculinity for. and even when he critiques that, theres no cogent counter solution/way to be strong that gege provides, much less one that incorporates "femininity" and women

maybe im just asking for too much from gege after having read so many great representations of women and gender by female (and male) mangakas/writers but.. i shouldnt be 🙄 he can utilize his female characters more imo, esp when he can clearly set them up so well. and im sure theres things ive misread about jjk and its portrayal of femininity, theres plenty of holes in my thoughts ^^ anyways, this is obv not a great topic to bring up in a fandom that is so polarized between dudebros and women w unaddressed internalized misogyny.. so i welcome any and all thoughts and interpretations on ur end! (also omg im rlly sorry this got so long)

I love you feminist anon, if I may call you that lol, I just always name my anons 😂. I am so grateful that you sent this.

I feel like you've very eloquently explained the deeper reason as to why I personally can't relate to the female characters in jjk. If I'm honest, I like them and think they are fun and good enough representations or attempts at depicting the archetypes that rule their personalities.

As you say, however, some of them remain rather superficial and underutilized... and please forgive me anyone who loves them, but some of them feel like they are basically dudes wearing skirts.

No offense to dudes who wear skirts or people who like men who wear skirts or anyone for that matter. It's just that, as a personal preference, I like female characters that wear skirts, pants, leggings, etc and have equal amounts of masculine and feminine energy.

So, even if I find they are good enough, I've never necessarily loved jjk female characters, because, as you also say, I've read/seen one too many amazing and iconic female characters by other authors...

And it's not like I think you're asking for too much from Gege in wanting better female characters, it's just that, as you also said, I like his writing and I read jjk precisely because of what it's doing for my masculine psyche. Like... quite literally.

So perhaps I'm more forgiving than you are because of it? Because in all reality, there are female character moments in other manga that I have to give the bombastic side eye to, and jjk isn't one of them.

Let's taco'bout it more under the cut.

So, that said, I have to admit that you might not find a lot of "feminist oriented" content in my blog because my feminist lens is reserved for dealing with lame dudebros in my real life, and also, I honestly do not know how to wear the lens on the same level of depth as you do.

Also, since my blog's lens is depth psych, I very much focus on femininity and masculinity as psychological qualities that exist on opposite ends of a continuum regardless of biological gender. You'll see me refer to femininity and masculinity like this throughout my answer.

So because of this, I'm coming at the whole issue from a slightly different angle than you are. The way I see it, I think the way the jjk female characters are written and thematically utilized (basically everything you said), ultimately comes back to how Gege's exploration of femininity is limited by his own sense of self, and very much likely biased by the sociocultural landscape he grew up in.

I don't know how much you know about Japan, but Japan has one foot in the future, and one foot in the past...

And like... ok I'm totally oversimplifying the whole thing. All I'm saying is... Gege is a man who grew up in a man's world, sharing his view of the world through jjk, which is a story about initiation of the male psyche that is published in a magazine for young boys.

Do you see the pattern there?

So If you feel like his female characters are underutilized and underexplored, and that thematically jjk focuses way too much on masculinity and masculine definitions of strength at the expense of the feminine archetypes he does present (like Naoya as a vagina LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL)... well... to me, we're basically looking at the limits of his own relationship to his femininity, which, this relationship is in turn an imperative precursor for psychospiritual development in depth psych. More of this in a bit.

Anyways, that's my anticlimactic reasoning for why I am more forgiving about the issue than you are. To be honest, I've been so consumed exploring my masculine psyche through jjk (because personally my feminine psyche is more developed in certain aspects) that I just never focus on the female characters (that is not to mention what I shared earlier).

ANYWAYS, I fucking love what you wrote about Gege's exploration on power from a masculine perspective because you're 100% spot on. What I'll say to that is that, to me, from a depth psych perspective, that's kind of the whole point.

I invite you to look at it from this other level of perspective (in addition to the whole "Gege's psych is a product of his upbringing"): the whole idea of individuality and focusing on the sense of self as a measure of "The Strongest" is being shown as an incomplete part of the equation...

... that leaves "the strongest" ultimately feeling dissatisfied.

This is a sentiment echoed by several characters because ego strength (masculine definitions of strength) is ultimately an unbalanced measure of strength precisely because it ignores feminine values and measures of strength.

Who knows where Gege is taking jjk at this point, but I will admit I am hoping he is going to explore this in more depth because, central to Jungian thought and depth psych is the idea of the Buddhist middle path and union of opposites.

In Jungian psych this means that, when you have an unbalanced ego attitude like that, something has to give so that the pendulum swings in the opposite direction, which gives the ego the experiences it needs to integrate the "opposite" attitude. This ultimately results in a more holistic and balanced perspective for the ego.

That to say that I'm wondering if Gege is going to make the pendulum swing in the opposite direction with the whole "individuality" idea since self-preservation is a "masculine" trait. Again, psychologically, it's all about balance, and right now, the story is out of balance in favor of the masculine traits you mention.

But... to bring it back to Gege's possible limitations around his perception of femininity and how developing a healthy relationship to his anima (femininity) is a precursor for psychospiritual development... what if, on a meta level, jjk is depicting part of Gege's journey towards integrating and deepening his relationship to his femininity and what you're seeing is the beginning of that journey?

Hint hint Tsumiki! maybe I'll write about it someday

This is the thing... In depth psychology, more specifically what is called "the psychology of fairy tales", fairy tales and myths are stories that depict the thinking patterns of a peoples through metaphor and symbol. The characters in these myths and stories are thus characters playing out dramas in our own psyches. So basically, think of jjk as an objective exploration of Gege's subjectiveness (psyche).

Admittedly, even if the pendulum swings in the other direction (more feminine definitions of strength), you might find that his exploration is rather shallow or that it falls short of your expectations for what you'd like to see from a feminist perspective. And you wouldn't be wrong for it, it's just that Gege is probably not on the same level of understanding that you have about femininity because he's, like you and I, a human on a journey of self understanding and growth reflecting on how his environment has shaped who he is.

The same goes for women with internalized misogyny. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know, and coming to an understanding of it is a process that doesn't take place overnight.

So I think the only part I'll disagree with is that Gege is a sexist writer. But that's perhaps because I'm being a bit too technical in what sexist means? i.e. masc supremacy or hating women and perpetuating stereotypes. I think that rather than being sexist, his unconscious biases are showing, which is why someone like you can pick them out.

I do understand where you're coming from though, and admittedly perhaps I am being too forgiving of him.

Last thing I'll say is that I've said a couple of times that wanting for jjk to have these iconic female characters feels like an exercise in futility. In retrospect, I now understand that it's not that anyone shouldn't want for jjk to have iconic female characters, but that doesn't change the fact that jjk will probably remain the wrong manga to look for them, and that's something to make peace with because it is what it is.

So, here's to hoping we get a chance to see a deeper representation of feminine values in jjk or Gege's next manga. Because, if he's done such beautiful work with the masculine psyche, like you, I'd be curious to see what he makes of a deeper exploration of the feminine psyche.

Between you and I, I'd actually love reading a proper battle bl from Gege. And I mean proper. Like... gays so canon that even the dudebros can't deny it.

ANYWAYS... giiiiiiiirl what an ask 😮‍💨. I don't think I've done it justice tbh. But hopefully I made sense? I really do love what you wrote. It was very eye opening to see this age-old argument spelled out the way you did it. So thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

If you over have any other thoughts on the topic I look forward to hearing from you!

I rambled too so... hopefully I made sense 🤣.

[thecynthh]

if you don’t want anons literally turn your anons off and stop complaining already. idk what “autumn” sent you to make u think it’s her but unless u show it we really dgaf.

ppl loved reading the fics and for you to take them down over smth that dosent even have any proof is insane. you sound 12 years old the way you complain about anons.

i’m starting to think you made the fake account for attention

i want anons on for people who aren’t comfortable for people to know who they are if they’re maybe saying smth personal or jus don’t wanna be recognized

in ur guys case y’all r using it for the wrong reason, i tell people to get off of anon or msg me bc i don’t want there to be drama out there where everyone can see.

i took them down bc i said if ANYONE confronted me and asked me to take it down, i’ll respect their wishes but if someone really wanted it, they still exist and i have them.

and there was proof! i msged autumn on a burner and her real account. she also posted proof of it being her of most of her achievements and things u can only see if u own the account, like be fr how would u be able to get those screenshots…?

and sorry if i sound young i am.???

and i have proof that i don’t own the account this is the only account i post on, i don’t have any reason or want to have a second account.

again if u wanna beef take it to the dms or off anon

[mattslolita]

okayyy, so its sports day on monday (dont even cuz what the hell) and this guy has to assign people to do the track or field events. and he asked if id run 800meters! HELLO? i said "yeah yeah, except ive actually broken all my bones and i cant move an inch" ME RUNNING 800? IN UR DREAMS!!!!!! 😝 im not coming in that day otherwise theyll force me to do smth but my mum said what do i say when they ring an say why r u not in. i said tell them ive got a life threatening illness and unfortunate as it is, i cant come in monday but ill be perfectley ok for tuesday!!! LMAO 😭

then this guy whos sorta friends w my bf msgd me on snap saying "yooo" and i said hi and then he told me i looked "rlly pretty" im my recent tiktok 😐 i left him on read so he texted me again and then i replied ignoring it and he started flirting 🤮 i took a ss an sent it to my bf and hthe gy said "i can c u ss you know" and i went "hah, really? never noticed!" (dumbass who doesnt know that??) then he said "yeah whyd u ss tho?" and i sent him a ss of my bf saying hed knock him out if he sees him (anons he is not serious dont attack me please 😉) and he went "all talk, he wont do shit" THEN CARRIED ON SAYING WEIRD SHIT LIKE "have u done it" sorry what? and "the dress u wore to ** party looked rlly good on u" mate i was gonna be the first one knocking him out cuz what the actual fuck? then cuz im basically the fbi i found his mums facebook (i only use it for stalking ppl when my friend need me to 😭) and sent her ss of the stuff and she was basically like shes so sorry and thats disgusting and hes gonna be "fucking dead" when he gets home. LMFAO GOOD! my bf was tryna call him but he blocked him (weirdo) and the thing is he goes to a diff schl so we cant actually say anythin to his face unless we see him out. (which we most defintley can cuz i can use my fbi skills to jus know when he goes out 😊 anons that was also a joke im so sorry) yeah, so how fun!

STOPPP i hate running so much😭😭😭 esp since im not as fast as i used to be either

oh hell nah BLOCK HIS ASS !!!!! WE DON'T NEED NUN OF THAT AROUND HERE !! ewww he gives me creep vibes bro. i hope his momma beat his ass

[chonnysinferno]

nyway i send people asks if i think they will enjoy the ask i don’t like torturing people with mild discomfort when they read my writing so like if you don’t like it i’ll just make a post about it instead it’s completely fine

let’s see if i remember your music taste at all

first :) gelb :) because gelb is gelb :) https://youtu.be/j9BYV4M-jdI?si=2MUd26b5v3uDjwZU

maretu covers! of hitorie! https://youtu.be/NLc1hR2yNlQ?si=sy5DHEN02_T_bNfI an album of them!

i feel like i’ve already sent frums vignette before but like anyway https://youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_mu9g_dVsgBz6d8vuWCsyPai59U8XeD8BM&si=XdU5w8bW21GhwlQk

have this cover of abject by subeteanatanoseidesu (idk who covered it) https://youtu.be/kb507jxc04E?si=r-honArSJ78FUcYh

over x dosage! by ponkansoup! https://youtu.be/QGnWK3Y9-88?si=kKrXpct8fHHm7XR3

synthesis by tn-shi !! https://youtu.be/dOP7G5J755s?si=oWmgbXQzMLTMt7gE

ok done for now i will stop haunting your askbox mi tawa

p sorry oi was sleeping. in. you know how it is i was saving this post so i couild listen to this all but yueag uhmmmmm i recognize frums vignette cause i think u did send that but ill listen 2 it again cause i dont rmemeebr what it sounds like also its okay it doesnt really bolther me i like. it. its great ur writing is awesome /genuine (idk if that sounds like. not genuine / sarcastic but i relaly do enjoy it even if i have nothing 2 say about it) i will listen 2 all of these i am listening 2 the full album of gelb rn soz :3 it is very good i enjoy how loud and spiky ???? it gives off a peculiar texture which is ennjoyable come back send me more asks /silly

[windowlessatmosphere]

When the Truth Comes Out

Summary: The video Kim sent to Chay is leaked, and all of Wik's fans suddenly know Chay's name. Including the group chat.

Chay frowned slightly as he felt his phone go off in his pocket. He glanced at it quickly, seeing that the group chat was blowing up, and decided to ignore it. He went back to comparing lemons, stifling a laugh when his phone continued to buzz.

A few minutes later, he was pulling his phone out again in frustration, unable to focus on grocery shopping with the constant vibrations.

mb protection squad 7 notifications

fern 🎨 HOLY SHIT GUYSSSSSSS

new ☀️ ok i feel bad for wik but this is also very funny p’chay i can’t believe u didn’t tell us lol

fern 🎨 can u believe chay has secretly been mb this WHOLE time lol

new ☀️ I KNOW!! The betrayal 😢

He furrowed his brow as he read, eyes widening in panic at Fern’s last text. His mind started racing as he tried to figure out how they could have possibly known. He thought about pleading ignorance, but figured if he waited them out a little, they might give more detail.

ying 🐼 guys i feel like we shouldn’t talk about it since it was leaked? idk

Chay’s heart started pounding at that, trying to figure out what had been leaked, and by whom . He pulled up twitter and searched ‘wik leaked’, clicking on the first video that popped up. He put an earbud in and hit play. Kim appeared on the screen, a guitar resting over his knees.

He started singing a song.

He started singing their song.

Chay’s panic increased, remembering what happened at the end of the video, and hoping like hell it was going to cut off before then.

“Excuse me.” A girl tapped him on the shoulder, gesturing to the mangoes he was blocking.

“Oh, sorry!” He got out of her way at once, then made the split-second decision to abandon the groceries in favor of figuring out what the hell was going on. He made his way outside, leaning against the wall as he started the video back up. The wait was killing him, so he just skipped to the end, leaving about fifteen seconds or so. He stared at Kim’s face on the screen, hoping desperately the video was going to cut off early.

Please don’t say it, please don’t say it, please don’t say it…

“This is for Porchay,” he said.

Fuck.

-----

His phone was buzzing again. He was in the back of one of Kim’s cars, being driven back to Kim’s apartment, with no idea whether Kim had seen the video or not. The driver had given him a slightly confused look when he’d reappeared without groceries, but the look on Chay’s face must have persuaded him not to say anything.

More buzzing.

He sighed and pulled out his phone.

mb protection squad 6 notifications fern 🎨 i mean NORMALLY i wouldn’t it’s just that apparently chay is mb lmao

new ☀️ SO true fern honestly p’chay ur silence is speaking volumes rn

thorn 🎮 Yes, I’m sure Chay has been MB this whole time. Mystery solved. 🙄

fern 🎨 p’thorn r u aware that ur no fun at all??????

thorn 🎮 Yes.

Chay stifled a laugh despite himself, relieved to find that at least his friends weren’t putting the pieces together. Or, rather, that they just thought it was all a funny coincidence. He really wasn’t ready to tell them the whole story yet. He still had a dull feeling in his chest, though, anxiety thrumming at the thought of people using his name to try and figure out who he was. He shot a text back to the group chat, figuring he should at least try and behave normally.

chay ok fine u guys got me 😞

fern 🎨 i knew it.

new ☀️ lmao if ONLY that would be sooo cool

ying 🐼 lol poor wik tho and he looked so sad in the video!!

Chay snorted, shaking his head with the knowledge that if Ying knew why Kim had looked so sad, she’d be the first in line to tell him off. Yet another reason he didn’t feel the need to tell them all about his relationship.

fern 🎨 lmao p’chay is actually y/n fr

new ☀️ this is just the wik version of ur mom selling u to 1D

fern 🎨 wow cannot BELIEVE p’porsche would do that 😢

ying 🐼 he would NOT

chay he really wouldn’t lol

fern 🎨 i know but SOMEONE has to do it

new ☀️ p’prae would do it!! for one (1) corn chip

chay 😢😢😢

new ☀️ sorry p’chay truth hurts

ying 🐼 by lizzo

Chay shook his head again, this time smiling fondly down at his phone. His smile faded as the leaked video popped back into his head. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do. Did he tell Kim? Did Kim already know? Should he tell Mae? She definitely needed to know, but maybe Kim was supposed to tell her.

The car came to a stop and Chay realized they were back at Kim’s apartment. He wandered upstairs in a daze, trying his best to smile at the guards as he passed them.

“P’Kim?” he called as he opened the door. It was right around the time Kim should’ve been getting home, so he wasn't sure if he was alone or not.

“Here!” Kim called back, sounding like he was either in the music studio or the bedroom. Chay worried his lip in between his teeth, mulling over how best to break the news to Kim. “Hey,” Kim said softly, appearing in the foyer. As soon as he saw Kim’s face, he realized he didn’t need to tell him. It was clear he already knew.

“Hey,” he echoed, attempting a smile.

“You saw,” Kim surmised, eyes tracking over Chay’s face.

“Yeah,” Chay confirmed. “I’m sorry.”

Kim’s eyebrows immediately knitted themselves together in confusion. “No, I’m sorry. Why are you sorry?”

“The video got leaked? My name’s in it? And I know you didn’t want it public?” Chay rattled off, raising his eyebrows continuously as he spoke.

“But it’s not your fault,” Kim replied, brow still furrowed.

“I can still be sorry it happened,” Chay reminded him. Kim seemed to relax a little at that, but he still had a strange expression on his face that Chay couldn’t quite place. “C’mere,” he murmured, pulling Kim into a hug. Kim immediately buried his face in Chay’s neck, squeezing him tightly without any sign of letting go. Chay just went with it. Occasionally, something like this would remind him of just how touch-starved his boyfriend had been his whole life. Once again, he made a mental resolution to hug Kim more often.

“It’s my fault,” Kim muttered, once they’d pulled apart.

Chay was the one looking confused now. “Did you post it?” he asked mildly.

“No,” Kim looked affronted at that, upset that Chay would ever believe that of him.

“Then how is it your fault?” Chay asked, tilting his head meaningfully.

“I’m the one who recorded it,” Kim said miserably. “I’m the one who sent it.”

Chay sighed, shaking his head. Kim had a spectacular ability to find a way to blame almost anything on himself. This was especially true, he’d found, when a situation involved Chay in any way.

“It’s not your fault,” Chay told him firmly. “Whoever leaked it, that’s whose fault it is.”

“But—”

“No buts,” Chay insisted. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t get to beat yourself up over it.”

Kim held his gaze for a minute, guilt clearly still etched into his features before he looked away. Chay sighed, wishing his words were enough to make Kim understand but knowing that they weren’t. He pulled him back into a hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek before burrowing his face into Kim’s neck.

“I love you,” he reminded Kim.

“I love you, too,” Kim echoed back immediately.

“It’s gonna be fine.”

Kim hesitated for a moment, the silence bearing down as Chay waited for him to respond.

“It’s gonna be fine,” he eventually repeated.

-----

safetypinnecklace: cannot believe we finally know mb’s name 👀👀👀 candleswik: we hav an elbow and a name ppl!!! p@rkj1m1ns: OMG does this mean there’s a song for mb on the new album??? x_14lanadelray: not to burst anyone’s bubble but this could be old lol like for an ex taylorsswift5: this was TOTALLY for mb i feel it in my soul xxtherewillbexx: which album is this from?? ayeayecapn: brb looking up all the porchays in bangkok paiitforward: he looks so sad do u think they broke up??? 🤔🤔🤔

Chay closed the browser on his phone, reminding himself for the millionth time that reading the comments was not helping anything. He was feeling itchy at the thought of how many people now knew his name, even if they didn’t have any idea who he was. They were still speculating, wondering whether he was Wik’s Mystery Boyfriend or some ex from a few years ago. Wondering about the song, wondering about their relationship, wondering about him. 

He was feeling sick to his stomach, and it was only exacerbated as he considered how he might have acted only a year ago. While it was hard to imagine, he tried to think of how he would’ve reacted, if he’d been in their shoes. It was hard to say. Wik had never publicly dated anyone. After meeting him, Chay had realized this was because Kim had never dated anyone at all. 

No pressure.

His phone rang, and he picked up immediately upon seeing that it was Kim.

“Hi, P’Kim.”

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“What’s up?” Chay asked, trying to gauge Kim’s tone.

“Mae wants to meet again,” Kim told him, after a beat of silence. Chay worried his lower lip between his teeth, fairly certain that he knew what that meant.

“Because of the video?” he checked.

“Because of the video.”

-----

“How did this happen?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m asking you—”

“And I’m telling you I don’t know,” Kim interrupted. Mae let out a frustrated huff at that, eyeing him suspiciously. Chay was seated next to Kim on the couch, silently watching them like they were engaged in a particularly interesting boxing match.

“You must have some idea,” Mae decided, narrowing her eyes at Kim.

“I only sent the video to Chay,” Kim insisted. “I don’t know how anyone else would have it.”

“You texted it to him?” Mae asked, fingers flying on her phone as she spoke.

“Um…no.” Kim’s eyes darted quickly to the side, and Mae looked up as soon as she heard the hesitation in his voice.

“How’d you send it to him?” she questioned, tilting her head slightly. Her gaze was fixed intently on Kim, and Chay was just glad he wasn’t the one being interrogated.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, it does matter,” Mae fired back. “Since we apparently have a security leak.”

“It was through Facebook,” Kim finally admitted.

“No, it wasn’t,” Mae frowned. “I would never have given you the password.”

“Not the Wik account,” Kim clarified.

“You don’t have your own account,” Mae argued, eyes narrowing with suspicion once again.

“I made one?”

“Then why aren’t we friends?” Mae cried, clearly outraged. Kim groaned, burying his head in his hands. There was a long moment before he emerged, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“Look,” he said. “I just made it to send the video to Chay. That’s all. I haven’t used it since.”

Mae frowned again.

“Why wouldn’t you just text it to him?” She looked confused. “That’s so much more secure,” she added under her breath, as an afterthought.

“Um…” Kim trailed off, sending a quick, questioning glance towards Chay.

“I blocked him,” Chay cut to the chase. Mae’s eyebrows shot up further than he would’ve thought possible, and Kim looked vaguely scolded.

“When was this?” Mae asked, perplexed.

“Before we got together,” Kim said. “Or…after. Or before…the second time?” His voice went up at the end. He glanced at Chay again, who looked faintly amused.

“What?” Mae was no less confused after Kim’s explanation.

“It’s a long story,” Chay told her, hoping they could move on.

“Okay.” She shook her head slightly, a hint of confusion still visible in her face. “So, you only sent the video through that account?” Kim nodded. “And you never sent anything else?” Kim shook his head. “Okay.” She thought it over for a minute. “We might be fine then. Although…”

“What?” Kim asked, when it became clear that she wasn’t going to continue.

“Whoever leaked it…might know Chay’s name,” she pointed out.

“...because it was in the video?” Kim raised an eyebrow. “I think everyone knows.”

“His full name,” Mae emphasized. “If they know which account you sent it to. They didn’t leak it, though, which is good news.”

Kim’s expression shifted quickly to concern at this revelation.

“We need to figure out who it is,” he said firmly.

“We can try, ” Mae told him. From her tone, Chay didn’t think it was too likely they’d be able to find out.

“Try?” Kim’s tone was leaning towards anger, which was unusual for him, especially with Mae. Chay rested a hand on Kim’s arm and shifted his leg until their knees were touching. Kim let out a long breath and pressed his knee more firmly against Chay’s. “I just think this is important,” he said, his tone much more measured.

“And I agree,” Mae said patiently. “I just don’t know how likely it is.”

Kim’s expression darkened at that, and he slipped a hand onto Chay’s knee before he replied. “So we’re, what? Just supposed to wait until they decide to reveal it?”

“No,” Mae said. “We can still try our best to figure it out. In the meantime, we can prepare for that…eventuality.”

Kim let out another sigh, clearly dissatisfied. He was drumming his fingers ever-so-slightly on Chay’s knee.

“Thank you, P’Mae,” Chay chimed in. “We should set up another meeting to talk about that,” he said, firmly ending the conversation.

“Okay,” she agreed easily, still eyeing Kim warily. “I’ll schedule something.”

Chay guided Kim out of her office, knowing that him blowing up at Mae was something to be avoided at all costs. Kim stayed silent as they walked down to the car, his expression stony every time Chay glanced sideways at him.

“She’ll try to figure out who it was,” Chay finally said, once they were headed back to the apartment.

“I know,” was all Kim said back, his voice monotone.

“She’s just trying to help,” Chay pointed out.

“I know.”

“And it’s not her fault.”

“I know.” This time, Kim’s tone was one of frustration.

Chay flinched a little, still unused to Kim speaking harshly to him.

“It’s mine,” Kim said with a hollow voice. Chay was shocked silent for a minute before he found his tongue.

“P’Kim!” he scolded. “We talked about this. This is not your fault.”

“It is,” Kim insisted.

“Just because you sent me a video?” Chay asked. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Not just that,” Kim muttered.

“Then what?” Chay questioned him, feeling more and more lost.

Kim didn’t say anything, but he cut his eyes slightly towards the front of the car. Chay sighed as he understood. Despite the fact that the divider was up, and the driver was paid extremely well to pretend he couldn’t hear anything, Kim definitely wasn’t saying anything else until they were home.

Once they finally stepped inside the apartment, Chay turned to Kim expectantly.

“Well?”

“I sent the video,” Kim repeated.

“P’Kim,” Chay started, exasperated.

“And I talked about you,” Kim interrupted. Chay blinked, falling silent. “And then I fucked up and talked about you again. And now people are interested, and…” he cut himself off, frustration clearly building as he ran a hand through his hand.

“Okay,” Chay sighed, pulling Kim’s hand out of his hair. “C’mere,” he instructed, half-dragging Kim over to the couch. “This is not your fault,” he reiterated.

“Why else would they leak it?” Kim asked in a small voice.

“Some people are assholes?” Chay suggested, feeling triumphant when Kim let out a small huff of laughter. “You can’t blame yourself for everything,” he said. “Even though I know you want to.”

“Just when it’s my fault,” Kim muttered, petulant.

“You always think it’s your fault,” Chay argued back, flicking his forehead. Kim looked ready to disagree, but stopped short when Chay gave him a look. He was essentially pouting, now, and Chay rolled his eyes before pulling his boyfriend into his side. Kim immediately snuggled in closer, wrapping both arms around Chay like an octopus.

“I love you,” Chay told him, kissing the top of his head.

“I love you, too,” Kim said, his voice slightly muffled by Chay’s t-shirt.

“And this isn’t your fault,” Chay reminded him, starting to play with his hair. Kim stayed silent long enough for Chay to flick his ear.

“And this isn’t my fault,” Kim echoed back dutifully.

Chay smiled at that, continuing to play with Kim’s hair when he heard his phone buzz. He grabbed it, his other hand stilling without him noticing as he read the message.

prae 💃 lmao new just told me wik is dating someone named porchay???? do u hav something to tell me??? 😂😂😂

Fuck.

[whumpshaped]

Hey, hier ist der deutsche Anon von gestern!

I'm so sorry, I thought german was your native language — didn't want to passive-aggressively pressure you into picking up DuoLingo, of all things 😅😬 (the update that removed the skill tree made the appbso godawful..)

Sadly, I don't have any great german whump recommendations either - german writing onkine seems rare, I know a bunch of german creators but they all exclusively write and chat in english (which is why I mistook you for one, LOL).

The actual reason why I asked you, is because in my experience, reading unexpectedly whumpy stuff in your native language in a book for example just *completely* overruns you. I tend to feel more strongly when hearing/reading in my native language.

But on the other hand, german is notorious for having absolutely disgusting, unappealing dirty talk/sex words in general ('breast warts' for nipples and 'sheath' for vagina, urgh). So it's a fickle thing, ha ha.

Sorry for teasing and then not delivering! 😅 Maybe someone reading this *does* know good german whump that is meant as such!

IM SO GLAD UR BACK.

it is in fact not my native language, im hungarian :) but yeah theres a BUNCH of german whumpers here who all write in english, and from my experience u guys have a particular talent for it😭 its so good.

also this is super controversial but im loving all the updates theyre rolling out........ also no im glad u did. again, yesterday was the first day in maybe 5 yrs that i spoke any german and it rly reminded me how much i adored the language and wanted to pick it up anyway. then apparently by complete coincidence u sent that anon and my pattern seeking mammal brain was like this is a sign

i do love well written hungarian literature that has whump, but all the shit online makes me cringe so bad. and i know its in my head mostly (or the fact that im not looking in the right places?) but yeah. what usually gets me is poetry. hungarian poetry is extremely good. im still looking for that one poem of the guy listing off all the things he loves abt his muse and he goes into incredible detail and starts getting unhinged w it and starts going on abt how he loves her organs and her guts and etc etc. its visceral. literally. we have such good poetry and well all poets r depressed so its always a little whumpy /j

it definitely hits different. i mean, its my native language. that always hits different. i should rly read more hungarian stuff bc my vocab is honestly deteriorating-

IVE HEARD THE DIRTY WORD COMPLAINT BEFORE. i used to follow a german kink blog (it was all in english i found out later that the blogger was german) and she always said she doesnt even ever dirty talk bc its just Bad😭😭 rip. im very bad w any dirty words tbh in any language. thats why i dont write smut ever <3 IT JUST MAKES ME CRINGE I REACT TO HAVING TO SAY/WRITE THOSE WORDS LIKE A REPRESSED CHRISTIAN HOUSEWIFE. but! i think hungarian has decent words? idk! hungarians who have sex please sound off, is the dirty talk good? /j

bro that woman sounds awesome. i wish her the best forever and ever.

AND... what did i wanna say. wait. OH YEAH. i did go looking for german whump and .... i found tatort whump??? i mean hey.

bonus, i took the duolingo test and i skipped ahead a bunch bc apparently im still extremely good and talented and amazing /j bonus bonus, lily should mind her business. dont look at my suitcase

[newjenns]

I’m reading thru all ur asks (srry for spam liking) and omfg we were all DELULU!!!! WHY DID I ACT LIKE THAT???? Like some shit drm did literally made me upset!!! for good reason!!!!! And then I just went, “well it’s maybe actually not that bad :))” HUH?!?!? Man if u feel uncomfortable w/ someones actions over and over and over maybe ur not too sensitive, maybe they’re the problem. The way I fought for my LIFE defending him. Fortunately I was never rly outspoken abt it. I would like. Reblog things n stuff but I never made my own posts. Also I’m learning all this shit abt critblr and leaktwt and Jewish George and drms family for the first time and I feel like I’m in the school bathroom and the rly gossipy group of girls came in and started talking like I just wanted to piss but now?? Bitch now I’m inVESTED tell me EVERYTHING. ngl when he face revealed I did think he was kinda. ugly. but I tried to be nice abt it 😭😭 idk he’s not even that bad looking I just Don’t Like him. AND IT SUCKS CAUSE TWO OF MY IRL FRIENDS STILL LIKE HIM 😭😭😭 I asked them to not talk abt him or dteam stuff anymore and they did which was nice but Ik they still like him cause they have merch n stuff like PLEASE TAKE OFF THE ROSE COLORED GLASSES AND PUT UR HANDS IN THE AIR. anyways this ask is crazy fucking long but typing that literally made me remember the asks I sent to a certain dream blog and the asks r still up 😀😀 back on topic, sorry for rambling but I had to get this off my chest and I feel like ur like the gossipy therapist friend. Therapist in that I can vent my deep dark secret of being an ex delulu dream stan but gossipy in that u don’t offer advice we just all scream abt crusty white men together peace and love 🫶🫶 also if u have any fun leak or crit drama pleaseee tell me I know almost nothing and I’m nosy and no longer have a guilt complex abt knowing stuff <3333 sorry for the long ask I hope ur day is lovely

i’m laughing out loud at the part that says i don’t offer advice like Yeah i’m just here to fester and seethe 😭 i think to some degree there was also a culture of one upping each other to see who could be crazier/more delusional/nastier in the name of defending dream which you know made people Act Crazy including me but also in just like that but anyway i think that culture probably got exasperated once the idea of dtblr 2.0 was spoken into existence 🤔 i feel for your relationship w ur dream stan friends i think compartmentalizing is honestly your best answer tbh it’s the only way i can answer asks about him without calling him every nasty thing i can think of and even then 😭😭

[redr0sewrites]

Important Requesting Notice!

this is kinda important to anyone requesting on my blog, pls read!

hey guys! as previously mentioned, im still on vacation. i am currently working on reqs, but some of them r kinda difficult, i dont want to be rude but im much more inclined to write character x reader or hcs ab a character as this is a character x reader writing blog.

ive been getting a few reqs that arent even x reader or about specific characters in particular, and i dont want to disappoint the anon/asker if i do the wrong character or write it in an unappealing way to the anon. ive also recieved a few reqs that are ab specific AUs that the asker came up with, and i want to be able to write the reqs that are sent in, however i dont know how to write for AUs or OCs that i dont know anything about or arent explained, so im sorry if the writing isn't super accurate to ur interpretation of the AU !😭

im fine with people sending in reqs for AUs such as tdp modern AU x reader, but a req that is asking about how certain characters would react if they met the askers OC or if they met beings from another planet may take longer for me to respond to/i might not write as well since i want to make them accurate to the req but i also just need a backstory to work with <\\\3 again, this blog caters to character x reader or character hcs, and i just find myself more inclined to write those reqs as they interest me more and are overall more fun to write without the stress of making sure that im getting the AU or OC exactly the way the anon wanted it instead of using my own imagination. writing for OCs and AUs requires me to focus more on writing something someone else came up with, and i just dont want to be inaccurate to someone elses idea or daydream! i dont want to disappoint anyone either 🫠

im sorry if these reqs take longer, i cant help it as i just want to write what i personally come up with rather then someone elses idea bc i just feel like i wont do it justice <\\3

overall, i dont want to be hateful or upset any of the requesters who sent me asks, ily all and u can req whatever u like! however some requests can be difficult for me to respond to, be something very specific that i personally dont understand, or just might not interest me and those will take longer for me to respond too!

finally, not all reqs ive recieved are being targeted by this post, some of the reqs ive recieved are great! even the ones that are more difficult to write are still awesome and the askers are amazing and creative, and i would never want to make anyone feel bad ab sending in a req! i have definitely NOT recieved a ton of reqs as i am a small writing blog and i appreciate everyone who has sent in a req so far <3 i will definitely still be taking reqs, and i hope everyone understands this post! feel free to ask questions, i will try to reply as much as i can :) (theres some more stuff in tags if u care😭 if u read this far tysm:)

[purevanillablender]

hi vanilla!! i saw the post on your other blog about drawing other things instead of the requests an i just wanted to say that its completely okay to not work them. you dont need to feel bad for it, and i dont think anyone would mind it if you do them later, and do something else instead of it. the most important thing is that you do what makes you happy, that you enjoy. you shouldnt do them if you just force yourself to do it while you dont really enjoy it. we are here because we love your art and we love you!! even if its the requests, or something else, or even nothing, we are here for it, and most importantly we are here for you.

(sorry for the word repetitions and the bad grammar, english isnt my first language)

(also sorry if you mind that i sent this to this blog and not the other, i guess this IS kinda art related?? i couldnt really decide and genuinely sorry if you mind it ,_,)

AAAA THANKU!! THIS MAKES ME FEEL A LOT BETTER ACTUALLY,,, THANKUTHANKUTHANKU!! :DD I’m happy stimming while reading this thats how u know I’m really happy :3 I’m glad people aren’t upset about me not doing the requests yet!! it makes me feel a lot better,, as someone who has a really hard time committing to finishing projects ESPECIALLY if I feel obligated to do them,, I’m really happy people r understanding!! :]

also!! I don’t think I would’ve minded this going 2 either blog but I’m glad u took care to ask me on this one :D!!

and and and!! I would’ve never guessed english wasn’t your first language o: ur fine!! I repeat words a lot too and my grammar sucks and I ONLY speak english so like HSHSHD

[sociallyawkward--fics]

HEY BACK AGAIN. idk how long its been cuz mobile is trash but me n my friend were talking abt how we were in a lot of the same fandom spaces as kids. Sanders sides being one of them. n i was like..... Long shot but do u know sociallyawkward--fics.. n at first they were like no i dont think so.. but then they looked u up n went OH MY GOD YEA??? ill send u a screenshot off anon but i told them we were friends n they said it was like finding out i knew a celebrity LMAO -H (ironic considering theyre prob more popular on ao3 than u😭 they briefly turned back into a 12yo fanboy)

its still so crazy to me ive known u for so long n met him like 3-4 years ago worlds collide ..... Also u can post this though im off anon if u want idc -H

ALSO. since im here. idk if i ever told u my age but when i sent my first ask to u i was probably 11. maybe 10 even. im turning 18 in a couple months now. its hard to bring myself to read some of the asks (ok most of the asks) i sent u over the years bc i was an incredibly anxious and awkward autistic kid. But u always treated me with so much love hahakjs at the time i was rly struggling n had very few friends n AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME CRINGE TO LOOK BACK ON u were honestly the only older person i could talk to n it rly meant a lot lol. im so much more confident n comfortable in myself than i was all those years ago n ik i dont send u asks nearly as frequently anymore but tbh even if eventually its only once every few years ill always think back on u so fondly n gratefully. Neway i literally hate being sappy so ill shut up here but yeah. Thanks n such -H

ALSO IDK IF UR ACTIVE ON AMY SOCIAL MEDIA RLY?? BUT IF U R I CAN GIVE U SOME OF MY SOCIALS mostly i just tweet abt my day occasionally on twitter but i also have a sideblog where i post art. just thinking that maybe then i wouldnt have to be like 'and heres a quick summary of the past 8 months' n u could check up on me whenever instead of only seeing me when i send asks😭 -H (its also so less formal cuz when i send in asks u Gotta respond whereas if i post 'just ate a kickass burger' u can just. Like it. idk idc either way but lmk ^__^)

-----------------------------------

I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ANSWER THESE FOR MONTHS SINCE I'VE BEEN USING TUMBLR AGAIN AND MY LACK OF OBJECT PERMANENCE HAD ME KEEP FORGETTING I AM SO SORRY 😭😭😭😭

dkjfhkdhf omg that is so wild that you have a friend who also knows about me dkjfhdsf Sanders Sides (back when it was waaaaay smaller of a fandom lol) was the first (and tbh only, really) fandom where i had any real level of "popularity" as a fic writer, and i fed off that high for SO LONG lol -- hearing that people were obsessed with my work, both then and now after the fact, is genuinely so surreal dfkjhdjkfh like. i am just Here, i am just Some Dude who wrote some words that got them weirdly popular at 17-18 dkjsfhdkjfh (also cuz i try to gather all your asks into one post, you continue to remain anonymous just cuz i copy-pasted them into the post in the same order they were received lol)

Dude it is CRAZY that you are almost 18 (or, by the time i am finally managing to answer this with my Bad Brain Powers procrastinating it so long, already 18) -- I looked back and I was 18 when you sent your first ever ask to me dkjfhdf that's so wild. I am so honored that you saw me as an older person you could come and talk to, even if it was just through anonymous tumblr asks for the past 6+ years lol. I always think of you fondly too, and I am so proud of you for the way you've grown up and grown into your confidence

ALSO YOU CAN TOTALLY SEND ME YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA djfdjdsjkf you can absolutely send me any of your socials!!! I know your main blog because you've sent some asks without it (have I ever remembered to follow it??? I meant to but I can't remember, this is also a Brain Forget-y Accidental Procrastination thing), but I would LOVE to see your art sideblog and def feel free to send me your twitter!! I have not opened my twitter in like. 3 months, because i was having Unhealthy Habits so i tucked the app into a pocket out of site and stopped using it for a while, but I am doing better now and would definitely open it back up more often again to see what you were up to

Also!!! You can always feel free to DM me on any of my blogs/sideblogs here on tumblr, too! You don't have to wait to send an ask (though I love receiving asks from you, don't ever feel like you have to stop even if we connect elsewhere!), you can always DM me on any of my blogs (or on any other socials we may exchange, too!)