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coolcattime · 9 days

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Home and Free: Chapter Fourteen - New, and a Bit Alarming

Characters: Captain Capsize, Sonja Firefox, Skipper Redbeard, Jordan Captainsparklez, Tucker Jericho, Tom Syndicate, Martha the Mystic, Mot Screziato, Alyssa Countybat, Waglington, Farmer Steve, Prince Andor, Jeriah, Lady Ianite (mentioned)

Relationship: Captain Capsize/Sonja Firefox, Captain Capsize/Jordan Captainsparklez (onesided)

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Though winter had well and truly set in, Capsize didn’t feel the isolation that she had felt during the season for the two years previous. While she was more physically isolated from the world at large than she had ever been, it certainly didn’t feel that way to her.

For as long as she could remember, she had always been surrounded by people. Ianerea was a tightly knit community, built upon tradition and superstitions. Leaving children alone was a good way for them to get stolen away by the fae or syrens or whatever ghost story the elders wanted to tell that week. So even when their parents had been out at sea, she and Red had never been left to their own devices. Then once they had gotten old enough that they hadn’t needed a babysitter and could explore by themselves, there was always a crowd at least somewhere on Ianerea.

Then, of course, she had never been alone when she had been on ships. She and Red had arguably been taken aboard too young. Young enough that even saying ‘arguably’ felt charitable. There had certainly been people ready and willing to look after them both while their parents were sailing, but that was the type of people there were, she supposed. Preferred to have them trained on ships than risk them not wanting to sail later in life. Gods, they were probably rolling in their graves knowing that they were both landlocked. But that mattered little. The main point was that growing up she could hardly recall a moment where she had been alone.

Even in the quietest of moments there had been Ianite. Her goddess who had become her friend. She’d always been there to talk if there had been even the tiniest possibly of her being lonely.

The change when she had moved to the town had felt so stark.

It wasn’t as if the town was devoid of people. For a town of its size, it was frankly brimming with them, but that did not stop the terrible isolation from settling in. The amount of people milling around hadn’t stopped her from feeling utterly alone. No matter how many people there were, it didn’t make up for the fact that they just seemed to dislike her very way of being.

Winter in the town had been hellish. At least in the warmer months she had the option of wandering to the river to clear her mind. She knew that going off somewhere to be alone wasn’t in any way saving her from isolation, but it had been a comfort in the warmer months to be able to escape however briefly from the suffocating place. However, with the short daylight hours and icy roads of winter it just wasn’t an option. Without it, she had struggled to maintain her sanity even with Redbeard and Jeriah.

The worst part was that even Ianite had fallen silent. She would pray and even just talk to herself on the days when Redbeard was out of town, but for the first time in her life there was no reply.

So, winter had become a season that she dreaded. However, the terrible isolation she had expected hadn’t set in this year.

It felt almost odd. The castle had less people living in it than anywhere she had ever been before, but she had more friends here than she had had in years. Possibly more than she’d had at any point in her life. Those feelings of isolation and self-doubt almost felt like they were just a distant dream, though obviously she knew that they hadn’t been. It was just that the happiness of finally being able to act like herself without the judgement of those around her, without the constant whisperings and stares, was intoxicatingly wonderful.

She was, in fact, sure of herself for what felt like the first time in nearly three years now. She didn’t have any reason to hide parts of herself anymore. Despite every self-conscious thought she had carried with her in the back of her mind, she wasn’t being treated like an oddity here. And, yes, she acknowledged that said people living here were a host of living objects and a Beast. That if anyone from the outside world saw them, they would be treated far worse than oddities. But they were her friends. That was far more than she could say for any of the apparently normal people from the town.

Every time she thought of them as her friends, she felt a smile creeping onto her face. She just felt so happy now. Obviously, she’d made friends before, she wasn’t going to deny that fact. However, how the castle had originally been a place that felt so utterly cold and hollow, just made all the friends she now had here feel all the warmer. So, even though she was further from civilization than she had ever felt, and she was around fewer people than she ever had been, the sense of isolation that had been gnawing away at her mind for so long now had all but disappeared. Despite all her expectations, she was happy here.

Of course, she still had feelings of unhappiness for how she had come to be in the castle in the first place. They were quieter now though. She couldn’t resent her circumstances, not the way she had resented the town.

She did still find herself wondering why Ianite had become so quiet. It had been so long since she had heard her voice. At this point, she wasn’t even sure that it had been her goddess that she heard that night in the West Wing rather than her own imagination. But Ianite being unresponsive was not due to her being here, it just stuck out even more now.

With the self-doubt and general feeling of isolation gone, the main thing that had begun to scratch and itch at her mind was all the questions. The magic of the castle was truly beyond anything she had seen or even heard about. How could she not have questions?

She had gained some explanations on the topic. Sonja was all too happy to explain any of the enchantments that she asked about with such feverous passion that Capsize found herself listening in complete awe. Even though some of the explanations felt completely beyond her, she found more enjoyment in feeling lost by them than she did in a great many other things.

However, there were still a great many things she was still questioning. Those were the questions that everyone seemed quite reluctant to answer. Namely, what precisely were the enchantments had been done to create the sentient objects that made up the majority of the residents of this place.

She hadn’t asked these questions directly. She felt that it was a little, well, rude to ask people how they had been crafted. But she couldn’t help but keep wondering. After all, to her knowledge, there should be a way for them to exist. Not without an extremely potent source of magic continuously fuelling them and she was yet to find anything of the sort. Though obviously her own knowledge of magic was limited, so perhaps there were more advanced techniques that she was simply unaware of.

However, the longer she went without any explanation, the more questions that began to pile up. Because they were people. Their different personalities and relationships felt far too intricate to just be crafted. And considering some of the knowledge that they possessed, it was impossible for her to believe that Sonja had created them.

She wasn’t doubting that Sonja was knowledgeable about a great many things, however, her knowledge on the town seemed non-existent. She was so curious about any piece of information Capsize shared of the place, as she seemed curious about her life in general. She’d ask questions about the town in the same tone that Capsize found herself asking about magic and enchantment, lost but wanting to learn anything that she can.

So, if she didn’t know about the town herself, it wasn’t something she could have given her creations knowledge of. So, the logical answer was that she hadn’t made the other residents of the castle. Though that still left the obvious question of who had created them. That felt like an impossible question to answer as all the other enchantments in the castle had been done by Sonja, but it was impossible to deny that the enchanted objects felt so utterly different than any of the other enchantments. Which meant the most logical answer to the bigger mystery Capsize had found about this place was that a mysterious stranger had appeared and done this which didn’t really feel satisfying. But she supposed that life rarely was.

The lack of satisfying answers itched within her thoughts and annoyed her to no end. However, she did her best to put her thoughts to the back of her mind. She did want to know the answer, but if she kept thinking on it all the time, she would drive herself mad. Why let herself be consumed by such a thing when she had a whole library to explore?

The library was truly wonderful. It had enough books to last her a lifetime, enough that she had been exploring the shelves for days now and still had barely made a dent in exploring the room as a whole. In a way, the idea that the room was hers still felt somewhat wrong. It was hard to process that she could deserve such a gift. She knew that was a less than healthy thought but thought patterns were unfortunately difficult to shift. At the very least they were now quiet enough to be drowned out by her own joy as she explored the shelves.

Today, she found herself doing exactly that, exploring the shelves for anything that might catch her eye. The collection was a mix of fiction and non-fiction, with books of every genre and on every topic imaginable. And they were organised in such a way that the books were often next to each other with seemingly little regard for actual organisation. It certainly made picking up any given book more exciting.

Most of them looked as if they had only ever been touched when they were originally placed on the shelf. But there was the occasional book that was clearly well-loved. The majority of books in said state were magical tomes, the sort of thing that she could so easily picture Sonja pouring over while creating her own notes. Not the sort of thing that she was currently looking for but Capsize was sure that she’d get curious enough about the topic to work her way through one eventually.

Right now, though, she was looking for a story. That was not something she particularly needed to look for. The shelves were packed, and she had doubtless already passed by dozens of stories that she would enjoy. But she found joy in being able to explore her options and she was glad that she had done so when a book did catch her eye.

Perhaps it shouldn’t have caught her attention at all. There wasn’t technically anything special about it. Just a slightly battered book. However, she recognised the designs on the cover. It was the same as her book, the one that Jeriah had given her. How could she ignore that?

She took it from the shelf, not quite sure what she was expecting. She knew that it was not the same book, it was thinner, but the design being identical meant that they were likely a part of the same collection or had been bound at similar times. Getting to look at the cover allowed her to see that the connection was deeper than that. The same author. She smiled.

Well, there was the answer to what she was reading today. At least that was what she thought as she walked back to the chair by the fireplace that was softly becoming a nest. Why would any other thought cross her mind when there was so much excitement currently flowing within it?

However, as she opened the book, she didn’t even reach the words written by the author as the presence of a handwritten message made her freeze.

To my beloved daughter. Happy birthday. You’re growing so fast into such a talented young woman.

It was not exactly an odd message to find at the beginning of a book. Given how nearly all of them that she read were second hand copies, finding a personal message to someone else had never given her such a pause before. However, this time it did. She stared at it in complete confusion. She had seen that handwriting before.

She’d seen it many times before.

Setting the new book on her lap, she reached for her book. For the book that Jeriah had given her. She opened it to the first page that she had flicked past so many times.

There it was. The exact same handwriting.

Something to read on your travels. Return home soon.

There was no doubt in her mind that the two messages had been written by the same person. And, therefore, she did actually know who had written them, as little sense as it made. She’d asked Jeriah about the message the first time she had borrowed the book.

“Spark and his odd sense of humour,” He’d said. He’d gone further to explain that the message was from an old friend. Over time, she’d learnt more of Spark from him, and realised that she herself had briefly met the man as a young girl, a fact that seemed to quite delight Jeriah. Though none of what she had been told explained the message.

Spark, as far as she had been told, had a son and a granddaughter, but no other family. But here there was, a message written by the man that was clearly for a daughter. Perhaps it could be for his son’s wife but then the message itself made little sense. So why on earth…?

Beyond that, even if Spark did have a daughter, why on earth would a book he gifted to her be here?

The more she tried to think about it, the more her head felt fuzzy. An oddly familiar feeling since she had arrived here, though it bothered her nonetheless. All her thoughts felt wrong in a way that she was completely sure was wrong, but that she had no explanation for. All she knew at this precise moment was that her list of questions was expanding.

“I thought that you’d be in here,” Her muddled thoughts were cut through by the voice of Sonja. She looked up with questions that she felt she desperately needed to ask, only for them to disappear as she saw the nervous smile on the Beast’s face.

No, not quite disappeared. Rather, they quieted. They were still there, still lingering, but as Sonja smiled so nervously, Capsize found herself wanting to talk with her rather than be bogged down in the confusion. She could ask about the messages and the potential of Spark having come here some other time, when her head could think through it without feeling like she was wading through mud.

So, she closed the books that she had been looking in and moved both of them to the table rather than her lap. And her attention moved to Sonja.

“Am I already becoming predictable?” She asked with enough of a hint of humour, knowing that she had already spent hours in here. As it turned out, when you could do any activity without people actively judging you, you tended to do it more.

Yes, it turned out that, as much as she had often tried to say that she didn’t care what they thought and tried her best to ignore them, being forced to constantly endure people whispering about her hobbies had taken a toll on her desire to do them. It hadn’t stopped her, but it had been a near constant itch. Now she no longer had to deal with that, she was going to spend as much time with things that she enjoyed as feasibly possible.

“Maybe a little, but I’m glad that you’re enjoying the library,” Sonja said with a small laugh. It wasn’t quite what she wanted to say. She wanted to say that was just glad to see her happy, but she couldn't quite bring herself to say something that felt far too much like a line that Tom would feed her. Maybe that was silly, and she shouldn’t be embarrassed to say things that she meant. But she didn’t need to say them for them to be true. “So much of the castle is just gathering dust, it’s nice to see any part of it in real use again.”

“You clearly used this place once. Why did you stop?” Capsize asked. There were so many clearly well-loved magical tomes in here. She couldn’t imagine it had been anyone other than Sonja reading them. And that left the obvious question as to why she had stopped using the room.

Sonja, for a moment, hesitated to answer. She should’ve known that Capsize would notice such a thing. She was ever so observant. But Sonja hadn’t thought to prepare for the question, and she was completely without a suitable answer for her. Except, that was, for the truth.

“I gained my strength… rather quickly. And now, well, I’m not gentle…” She said, her voice soft and more than a little embarrassed. She felt so big and clumsy in this form. No matter how careful she tried to be, she was sure that she’d destroy any book that she tried to hold. Capsize looked at her, an eyebrow slightly raised.

“You’ve been gentle with me,” She said, simply. After all, it was just a fact. These past weeks, Sonja had been so incredibly gentle. Even with how terrible she had been in her few days, it still felt so ridiculous for her to believe that she could not be gentle at all.

“That’s only because I’ve been actively making myself think and focus on it,” Sonja said under her breath. It felt so terrible to admit. It was not something that she should have to try to do. She should be able to be careful without having to worry about and account for unnatural strength or her claws tearing anything. If she had to actively concentrate on it, then it didn’t really count, did it?

“So?” Capsize asked. “You’re still being gentle even if it requires thought. So many people wouldn’t be bothered to try in the first place.”

Her voice tensed a little at the end, and Sonja knew immediately that she must have encountered such people. And a quiet anger started building that she fought not to show.

She knew that Capsize was resistant to talking about some of the issues she’d had in the town. That there were people that she’d only allude to without ever going to detail. And it worried Sonja, though she didn’t have the guts to actually ask about it. Given her own inability to tell the truth about so many details of her own life, she didn’t think it’d be particularly fair of her to press on topics that Capsize avoided. Not to mention, it would only encourage the rage building inside her and she certainly didn’t need any intrusive desires to go and attack people living in the town.

“Oh! But I suppose you came here to discuss something particular given how you looked when you came in,” Capsize said, attempting less than gracefully to move the topic of discussion as far away from any risk of bringing up Ianite’s champion. She would much rather have whatever conversation Sonja had wanted.

The Beast could tell that her smile was slightly forced, and did feel a pang of dejection. Beyond anything she wished that Capsize would trust her enough to tell her of her troubles, but she also understood her hesitance to share something that was clearly painful. It was not as if she was sharing her worst moments either. Perhaps one day there would be enough comfort there for them both to be fully open with each other. Why linger on it currently?

Likely because it stopped nerves from the question that she actually wanted to ask from settling in.

“Yes, I was thinking, well,” She forced herself to take a breath. Why did she suddenly feel so nervous? It was as if her brain couldn’t compute that it was a perfectly normal conversation. She didn’t know what it was, but she so often found herself fumbling over her words and generally feeling like a mess when interacting with Capsize. It was beyond frustrating as she’d never felt any such difficulty talking to a person before.

She guessed it was due to the mounting pressure of the curse. The rose was wilting. The number of days between petals falling was starting to decrease. She had to fall in love soon and certainly couldn’t afford to mess this up with everyone counting on her. Though she wouldn’t exactly say that what she was feeling felt like such great pressure. Though she had no other reference for what it may be nor what other explanation for the feelings there could possibly be.

She just needed to breathe and focus. “Winter is here now, so the solstice is fast approaching. I wanted to know if there was any particular way that you celebrated so that you’d feel at home during the holiday.”

“Oh. That’s nice of you to check, but I haven’t actually celebrated it before,” Capsize said with a small smile.

“Wait. Really?” Sonja asked, moving swiftly from nervousness to confusion. While she hadn’t exactly celebrated the holiday since the curse, she had always celebrated beforehand, and she knew that there was a celebration in the town. It hadn’t occurred to her that Capsize might just simply not celebrate the holiday. She stood almost dumbfounded, knowing that said confusion was certainly showing on her face despite really hoping that it wasn’t. Gods, she had made an entirely unfounded assumption, hadn’t she?

She considered just running.

“Well, it’s a Dianitee holiday, so I didn’t exactly celebrate it growing up,” Capsize said, hoping that she didn’t sound dismissive by merely stating the truth.

Ianerea always felt quite insular, though it wasn’t completely isolated. It couldn’t be with how deeply travel and ships were ingrained into the culture. But Ianitee culture was certainly the most prevalent and given how deeply ingrained it was, only the equinoxes were celebrated with little to no acknowledgement of the solstices as holidays. She hadn’t realised that they were celebrated as such until she had left the island for the first time. Though, given how young she had been at that point, she hoped that she would’ve realised on her own had she began sailing at a more expected age.

“Doesn’t the town have a festival for it?”

“It does but I…” She hesitated on what to say on that point. She knew that she could’ve joined the celebrations, and she probably would’ve enjoyed them well enough as a break from the monotony that was life in the town. However, the first year she… she hadn’t felt up to it and the second Jordan had shown his colours enough that she was not going to risk him latching to her when she’d have no excuse to leave. So, she had avoided it, feeling all the more isolated as she heard and watched the celebrations from afar.

And she’d had regrets as she’d spent the day alone. As she’d heard Redbeard come back, having clearly had a good time. As she’d endured Jordan the next day telling her that even Jeriah attended while she hadn’t. But now, that regret had turned to appreciation that she hadn’t had the holiday tainted by a place that she disliked so much. “I never attended. But I’d be more than happy to celebrate for the first time with you.”

Capsize’s face wore a growing smile. She actually felt quite excited by the idea of experiencing the solstice here. She doubted it would be a festival, but she didn’t need that. She just needed it to be with good company… With Sonja…

Sonja noticed the tiniest hint of Capsize blushing, though she certainly did not know the cause of it. She just knew that it looked nice among her freckles and tiny scars that detailed her face.

“I think everyone here would be honoured to have you celebrate for the first time with us.”

The blush grew deeper.

“I’ll be looking forward to it. I’ll warn you, though, I’ll be expecting something impressive. Given that it’s a Dianitee holiday and you have someone here who I have to assume is an expert on such things,” Capsize said with a laugh.

To Sonja, it was a beautiful melody just how happy she sounded. Though, she did have to admit, she was slightly confused by the actual words that she had said.

“What do you mean? There’s a Dianite expert here?” She was almost certain she knew exactly who Capsize was referring to. There was only one man here that would refer to himself as anything of the sort. But with the way she was laughing, Sonja couldn’t help but worry about what precisely he had told her.

Capsize looked at her with a smirk. She didn’t quite believe what the candelabra had told her on that first night. But it would be awfully rude to not take him at his word if she was going to be celebrating this holiday with him.

“You know, Tom. Since he is the champion of Lord Dianite, after all.”

🌹 🌹 🌹

“You told her that you’re Dianite’s champion?!”

“She hasn’t celebrated the winter solstice before?!”

Sonja and Tom both exclaimed their own questions at the other in annoyance, though one was far more rightly annoyed than the other. Frankly, Sonja wanted to kill him. After everything that she had kept hidden to make sure that the curse wouldn’t be discovered, he had apparently been saying anything that he wanted to.

Tom, however, was not paying attention to the annoyance turning anger directed towards him. He was wholly focused on how utterly baffling it was that Capsize had never celebrated the winter solstice. It was such an important part of his life that it hadn’t occurred to him that anyone might not celebrate it.

Sure, it wasn’t an Ianitee holiday, but Jordan celebrated it. It just seemed logically that she would as well. Then again, Capsize didn’t like Jordan, so maybe he should’ve guessed that they didn’t celebrate the same holidays? And It wasn’t as if she particularly liked anyone else in town, so he guessed she probably wouldn’t have wanted to attend the festival.

He internally groaned. Everything had truly gone to the dogs without him.

“She wants to celebrate this year though, right?” He asked, mostly talking to himself and not looking up at the Beast looming over him. Sure, she was annoyed at something, but that wasn’t genuine. She was never really mad at him and his shenanigans, that wasn’t how this worked. So, whatever she was annoyed about he could ignore until later.

At least that’s what the candelabra had thought until he found himself grabbed by a paw. Being suddenly hoisted into the air to be face to face with a Beast that looked about ready to shatter him to pieces made him consider the slight possibility that she was actually annoyed at him. That didn’t mean he’d take said annoyance at all seriously, but he could acknowledge it as genuine, at least.

“You told her that you’re Dianite’s champion!” Sonja repeated, this time not leaving it as a question that he could pretend was rhetorical. She was growling. She wasn’t going to let him slip out of answering why the hell he had done this. Neither physically nor metaphorically. She wanted an answer from him this time.

Tom wiggled. It was about the only thing he could do. It had been a while since he had been reminded of Sonja’s strength in this form, as despite everything he still tended to picture her as she had been prior to the curse. Obviously, he knew had been physically changed, but she’d never been able to beat him in a fight before. It just didn’t strike him all that often that that was patently not true anymore. Though now that it did, and therefore he was very much stuck in this conversation, he pouted. Why did she want to focus on something that just didn’t matter?

“Yep. Told her the first night she was here,” Tom said in a far too casual tone as he rolled his eyes. Honestly, he had no idea why Sonja cared. It wasn’t as if he’d told her that he was a cursed human completely forgotten by the rest of the world. He’d essentially told her a joke for how likely it was that she had actually believed him. “She didn’t take me seriously, Sonj'. Not really, anyway.”

He had, of course, noticed the way Capsize had paused during that conversation. The way that she had at first been confident and almost flippant that Dianite didn’t have a champion, before seemingly changing her mind and being softer as she stated that she hadn’t heard of him having one. He had originally written it off as her just humouring him, but it was hard to keep thinking that way when it seemed to happen again and again.

If Tom had to guess, the way that the curse had erased their presences wasn’t completely foolproof. That someone who should know about them could vaguely tell that they had memories missing but not any specifics.

Or something like that anyway. He was mostly going on the way that Capsize looked in those moments of thought that people tried to distract her away from. Maybe it had little to do with the curse and more to do with Capsize just being intelligent. It wasn’t as if could ask her to check, then Sonja would have a reason to be annoyed at him.

Ah! Sonja. Yes, that’s what he was meant to be focusing on. Absolutely none of his thoughts had explained why she was glaring at him like he’d ruined everything.

“Why exactly do you care?” Tom asked, honestly kind of exasperated. He had been saying stupid things that he certainly shouldn’t have been this whole time. Sonja had watched him say most of them, and she certainly hadn’t had a reaction nearly as strong as this before. Of course, there was the idea that maybe she had always been annoyed the whole time and finding out that he had just blatantly said his title without even trying to be vague had finally been enough to push her into a reaction…

No. No, that was stupid. He dismissed that idea pretty much as soon as it came to him. “I can tell her I was just joking if you’re that concerned.”

“I—" Sonja nearly immediately faltered as she couldn’t think of any reasonable response. It wasn’t that her annoyance was gone. If anything, she was more annoyed than she had been previously by just how unbothered Tom seemed by this whole thing. However, it all seemed to burn away as she was confronted with the idea of having to tell the truth.

It all came down to the truth. The truth that she feared Capsize learning so much. It was only a matter of time before it was revealed she was sure. And… And she was trying to blame Tom for that.

She was being terrible again. Absolutely terrible.

In a sudden panic of her own worse tendencies, Sonja placed Tom on the floor as gently as her rattled mind would allow, which was not particularly but he was at least placed upright and not jostled onto his back. She fully intended to dash off, to hide and pretend this had not happened, because she just didn’t want to face what she felt so truly would be impossible moment for Capsize to move past.

She couldn’t tell Tom the reason why she had reacted so strongly. She couldn’t face that horrible dread that was eating away at her of how Capsize was going to react. She needed to leave, to just hide and ignore the world for a while.

“Sonja. What the hell is going on?” Tom questioned loud and clear. It cut through all her spiralling and forced her to stay in place. She turned around slowly. If one saw such a reaction, they would have assumed Tom’s tone to be aggressive, but he wasn’t.

No, Tom was worried. That was what got her to freeze. The amount of worry that was in her friend’s tone.

How could he be anything but worried with how she had completely flipped on a dime from anger to looking like she was about to flee the room? And it only grew as she turned to look at him, her entire form shaking.

“What am I supposed to do if she finds out that you’re a person?” She asked. The idea was completely overwhelming to her. It felt like a complete and utter nightmare.

Capsize was such a brilliant light. One that she certainly didn’t deserve. And she knew if she found out about the curse, about what she had caused to happen to everyone here, that she’d never look at her same again. It hurt. It was horrible for her to even think about. Deep down though, she knew that she’d deserve such a reaction.

Tom, as he looked at Sonja clearly terrified, felt lost. He knew that he had to say something. He didn’t have the option of just finding Mot or Martha and making them handle this instead, as much as he wanted to. He wasn’t the sort of person that was meant to give her advice, but if he said nothing she’d go off and hide and blame herself for everything. So, he needed to say something.

But there was only one thing he could think of saying.

“Then we’ll just have to tell her the truth,” He said. He knew it was not what he should say. He could already hear the lecture that Martha would give him if she learnt that he had. Her insisting that they could not allow Capsize to learn about the curse under any circumstances lest it mean she can’t break it, however that worked. But it wasn’t as if he was arguing that they should go right now and tell Capsize every detail of the curse. He knew the complications that telling her the truth would cause, but… But he saw the writing on the wall.

Capsize was figuring it out herself. How long could they really avoid her coming to the correct conclusion? Sure, she probably wouldn’t be able to figure out everything, but the fact that they had originally been people didn’t exactly seem to be a conclusion that she was far away from. In his opinion, they had already been way too obvious with the way they had to avoid certain topics like the plague.

It seemed likely enough to him that she may eventually ask the question close enough to asking if they had originally been people. Then she’d quickly leap to the actual question itself. And if she did, and they then denied the truth, that would be insulting to her intelligence. He knew that was the absolute last thing that Sonja would want.

“But then…” Sonja wanted to argue but she couldn’t. It was the only reasonable thing she could do in that situation, but she desperately wanted to avoid needing to do so. Which meant she needed to stop Capsize from figuring out their true selves, but that was progressively seemingly like an impossible task.

Yes, it seemed that just keeping the curse a secret would be impossible. Capsize was smart, she admired that about her. And that’s why she knew that the more she tried to hide, the more she would end up figuring out. But then she had to contemplate actually telling her what she had done to cause the curse. That was enough to make her blood run cold. “She’ll hate me, Tom.”

Her voice was quiet. She was as sure of that fact as she was utterly broken by it. What she had done was bad enough, what it had ended up causing was terrible. Far more pressing though was who had done the cursing.

How would Capsize ever forgive her for her actions with how thoroughly disgusted her goddess had been by her actions? How could anyone look at her with anything but scorn upon learning that she had pissed off the gods themselves? It being revealed would change everything. She knew it would.

Tom found himself being bore into by utterly terrified eyes. He’d only seen her look like this once, that very first night years ago. There were so many terrible sensations he remembered about that night. That terrifyingly bright light had faded, his body no longer being his body. A monster staring at him with Sonja’s petrified eyes.

It felt so much like back then, but there was a difference. Back then, he had understood her terror and been very much stuck in his own. In the current moment, though, he saw absolutely no reason that she should be scared.

“She won’t hate you,” He said with a quiet sureness. He knew that he was acting overly confident, but he also knew that Capsize wouldn’t hate Sonja. Not at the point they had now reached. Despite everything that should’ve prevented her from doing so, Capsize had managed to form a bound with Sonja. She didn’t seem the type to throw it away just because of the gods.

“How can you know that?” Sonja so desperately wanted to believe his words, but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t understand the glimmering confidence in his metallic eyes.

“Because really think,” He said. Hoping that she would go along with what he was going to say next. “If your roles were reserved, if she had been cursed like this and you were a regular person, would you have even gotten this far in your relationship with her?”

“She never would have—”

“That isn’t what I asked. Just try and picture it will you?” Tom quickly cut off any possible argument about the premise of the situation.

Sonja pouted slightly and though she still wasn’t entirely satisfied with the idea of picturing an impossible scenario, she did as Tom asked. She pictured as well as she could a world where she hadn’t been cursed, a world where she had never been a princess at all. She imagined a life that felt so comforting and simple, with Mot and Tom and Alyssa and normality. Then she reminded herself that was not the point of what Tom had asked her to do.

She imagined Tom going missing one day, the anxiety and terror that would cause. She imagined journeying through the woods to find him and coming across an abandoned castle. She imagined finding him dying and imprisoned by a horrifying Beast.

Everything about it made her squirm. Even just attempting to imagine Capsize in a form as twisted as hers felt wrong. It made it near impossible to actually picture because there couldn’t be a world where she had done anything to deserve such a curse. However, what she felt even worse about, was that she had no idea what she would’ve done at that point. She had no idea if she could’ve made the sacrifice that Capsize had made.

Could she have given up her freedom for Tom? She wanted to say that she would’ve done, that she wouldn’t have let Tom die in a cell, but it still left her throat feeling tight and herself feeling nauseous. How had Capsize made the decision? How had she agreed to be left at the mercy of a monster?

She knew that describing herself in such terms was less than ideal, but picturing that first meeting from another point of view, how could she use any other words? She was a monster.

And she understood what Tom was trying to say.

Tears threatened to spill. Tom worried that he may have gone too far. That was, until Sonja spoke again.

“You’re right. If she figures out that you’re all human, I’ll… I’ll tell her whatever parts of the truth that I can.”

It would be okay. She’d be strong enough to admit what she could about the curse. Whatever Capsize’s reaction might be, she was owed the truth if she figured out any part of it herself. Even if she couldn’t be told everything. Even if Sonja’s chest was tightening just thinking about what she would actually have to say.

“I know you will,” Tom said with a smile. Let it never be said that he’d lost faith in Sonja. If anything, he was currently gaining more as she was becoming more and more like the friend he remembered.

But frankly, this was becoming a bit too gooey and sentimental for his liking. They couldn’t focus on this all day when there was a clear injustice that needed to be set right. “But seriously, we have to make sure that Capsize celebrates the winter solstice this year. It’s a crime against Dianite that one of my friends hasn’t yet.”

🌹 🌹 🌹

A couple of days later, Capsize and Sonja sat together once again. The two often sat together like this, not quite next to each other, but far closer than either would deliberately choose to sit with anyone else. Inevitably, they would end up actually next to each other, Capsize leaning on Sonja’s arm as she relaxed or read. However, currently the Beast was sitting across from the woman. The two being just as warmed by each other’s company as they were by the lit fire in the room.

The current conversation flowing between the two was concretely about the upcoming holiday. It was such a normal thing to be discussing compared to what many of their conversations ended up being about. However, even without talking about magic or one of the other things that Sonja was clearly deeply fascinated by, Capsize still found herself as curious and invested as ever. It was still something new. How could she find it anything other than interesting?

“If I’m being fully honest, I don’t really remember the full story behind it,” Sonja admitted, knowing full well that Tom would have a fit if he got wind of that fact. She definitely had once known the full story about Dianite’s connection with the winter solstice. Even now she could hazily recall Mot telling her the story as they sat by a fire, a memory that felt warm and right, but she just couldn’t recall any of the words from it. “I think it’s about one of those old stories of Lord Dianite creating fire… Or the story of his first champion creating fire?”

She was nearly entirely guessing. She probably should’ve asked Mot, but she worried about his reaction. She was sure her memory being hazy was just from the amount of time that had passed, but she doubted that would quell his mind of the possibility that the curse had started to affect her ability to recall things. She didn’t want to put that stress on him when she had the vague idea of it all without asking.

Clearly, she didn’t need to know the full story anyway as Capsize still smiled at her. She was still just so interested.

“It being about the creation of fire feels right. The centrepiece of the town’s celebration was always a bonfire,” She said, that being one of the few things she did know about the town’s festival. It was big enough that they started building the previous day in the square, the mess of wood looking so out of place compared to well decorated tables and stalls being set up. She had been able to see it burning from her house.

“I thought you hadn’t celebrated before,” Sonja questioned, tilting her head slightly.

For the briefest moment, Capsize found herself staring at her, finding herself lost in her features. But as quickly as she had started staring, she caught herself and made herself actually concentrate on what had been asked of her.

“I haven’t. I just watched,” She admitted. She felt a hint of embarrassment about doing so.

Maybe it was silly, but she couldn’t help it. For all her complaints of loneliness, it had been her own choice to not interact with the town. Yes, the townsfolks had made her uncomfortable, and she wasn’t exactly friends with any of them, but it had been a celebration. She could have joined in.

Instead, she’d made her decision and ended up watching from the sidelines. And she didn’t exactly fully regret that decision. If she had gone to the festival, she was sure that Jordan would’ve just clung to her the whole time. She likely would’ve spent the night uncomfortable. But she would never know now.

“Really? You never struck me as the type to avoid doing… well, anything,” Sonja said. She found herself stuck wondering just how bad the town had been. Tom had always seemed fond of the place. Though maybe he had liked time away from the castle.

She had never been interested enough in the town to sneak out and go there after she had begun studying magic. Though she did remember a time when she had been. When she had been young, young enough that she hadn’t yet begun studying magic and her memories were only just clear enough to actually be remembered, she had remembered being so curious about the place that Tom always got to go to. About the festivals and the people that he told her about.

She had never actually gotten to go. She had tried sneaking there, but she had always ended up caught by Mot and returned home. There had been talks of a supervised visit, but she hadn’t been interested in that, she had wanted the freedom that Tom was allowed. It was odd to see somewhere that she had once been so curious about was the source of much of Capsize’s unhappiness.

Capsize was so curious and interested in learning and trying things. If she had been scared off trying something, then clearly the place was far worse than she was attempting to let on.

“You’re right. I wouldn’t typically. I… I had pretty much made up my mind about not having an interest by my second year in the town, but the first year I was mostly avoiding going out of cowardice,” Capsize admitted. She wasn’t entirely sure that that was the word she was actually looking for. She certainly hadn’t been scared. But she had no idea what the right word would be given how she had felt.

“Coward is the last word I’d ever use to describe you,” Sonja said, honestly perplexed that Capsize had. Sometimes she felt as if she just truly didn’t understand Capsize. She brought such a brilliant warmth to the world. She had told Sonja not to talk badly about herself, but it seemed that she didn’t take her own advice. “I definitely wouldn’t call anyone a coward for not wanting to be around people who treat them unkindly.”

“Well, I mean…” Capsize hesitated, having no real idea of what to say. She knew logically that Sonja was correct, but she still couldn’t help but feel shameful about the whole situation. She still struggled with whether those in the town had been right about her. A town full of people acting like she was strange had managed to worm its way into her head.

However, that wasn’t the reason she had avoided the celebration that first year. Sure, she hadn’t exactly been keen to spend an extended amount of time with any of them, but she knew it would’ve been a manageable experience with Red. It had just been the excuse that she used. “They were never exactly welcoming, you’re right. But they weren’t the reason that I avoided the festival. Not the first time, anyway.”

She went quiet, contemplating how much she wanted to share. The true reasons were tied with private worries. Worries that she hadn’t even shared with Red due to just how vulnerable they left her feeling. Even now just barely alluding to them, her mouth felt dry.

She began to spin her cane between her hands, trying to focus on the movement rather than the illogical thoughts threatening to overtake her. She didn’t understand why she was so scared of talking about this. It felt so stupid, she was never this scared of anything. But she’d also never had anything that made her feel quite this lost.

Sonja had no idea if she should say something. All she could focus on were her downcast eyes. She saw this look appear on her so often when talking about the town. She hated seeing it so much. But what could she really say? It wouldn’t be right of her to push her, not when there were so many secrets that she was keeping. Still, she found herself lost on how to offer comfort when she didn’t know what was causing her upset in the first place.

“I… I was trying to keep myself faithful,” Capsize admitted in such a quiet tone. She was so tired of trying to keep it all to herself. All the resentment and exhaustion, all the negative feelings she had had in the town, in the end they all lead back to Ianite. To her faith in and friendship with her goddess, and the silence they now existed between them.

She had always been trying to keep her grasp on it as if it would keep her afloat. To her faith and their relationship and the balance. Before it had been so easy and natural. Like the flow of water, it was just something she was meant to do. Then her injury and the move to the town. Suddenly she was drowning and nothing was helping her float.

It had just been hurting for so long now. She was tired of keeping it all to herself. “I’d never felt so separated from Ianite before. It felt like a test of faith so the idea of celebrating the holidays of the other gods just…”

She sighed, continuing to spin her cane as she tried so hard to just focus on the movement. Already she could feel the rising nerves and familiar internal questioning. She couldn’t bring herself to look up, dreading the expression that Sonja might be wearing. But not looking at her, meant she was instead stuck with her own thoughts, and they were less than pleasant.

She realised that she had begun to fear when she’d hear Ianite’s voice again, which felt ridiculous. She’d been carving any whisper for months. It wasn’t as if her want for answers had gone away either. But she realised she was afraid of what Ianite would say about her current situation. Because if she tried to explain it at all, she was beyond sure that her goddess would panic.

Even with her position as her messenger, she had not heard Ianite in distress all that often. She supposed there just wasn’t all that much to bother her in times of peace as the world found itself in. Though she did have two distinct memories of when Ianite had seemed truly panicked.

The first had been when she was a teenager. A winter night that otherwise had been nothing special. Ianite had been so upset about something that she had said she ‘didn’t want to burden her with the knowledge of’. In fact, even now Capsize didn’t know what had caused her to be so upset, she just remembered that she had been, how unexpected it had been. She’d ended up just talking with her until the early hours of the morning to distract the goddess per her request.

However, the other she had heard Ianite distressed, well she’d never forget it. How could Capsize forget her reaction to her injury? It was something she thought back to so often, trying to figure out if there were any answers there that she had missed. However, it was the reason now that she feared her suddenly restarting contact.

What would be her reaction if she found out she was technically a prisoner?

“That’s understandable. Lady Ianite is important to you,” Sonja said, trying to ignore the way her chest tightened as she said those words. She didn’t need to be scared. The curse wasn’t going to be revealed by merely mentioning the goddess.

She had to push through. Despite her own feelings towards the goddess, and the goddess’ feelings towards her, Sonja did want to learn about Capsize’s faith. Obviously, she was still beyond angry at Lady Ianite. Even if the curse broke at this very moment, that anger was not going to fade anytime soon, but the idea of disliking her followers for it now just left her with a sickly guilt.

“That’s putting it mildly,” Capsize said, half-sighing due to how one sided that currently felt. Ianite was so important to her, and she doubted there would ever be a time that she wasn’t. But she was just so tired. She truly wished that she could say that her tiredness was relatively new, that it was linked to her time in the town. But when such an exhaustion set in, it started to become hard to remember when exactly it had started. “I mean, it was always so important growing up. I’d never met anyone who didn’t follow her when I was a kid.”

“Suppose there wouldn’t be too many people following other gods on Ianerea,” Sonja laughed, gaining a genuine one in return from Capsize. To hear the beautiful sound was such a relief. Hearing Capsize talk of her life was always interesting to Sonja, she’d hate if the majority of it was painful memories. She doubted that was true though. After all, whenever Capsize spoke of her home prior to the town, she always seemed so alive.

Whenever she spoke of Ianerea or her travels as a merchant, there was always a joyful look in her eyes. Sonja desperately wished that Capsize could remain smiling like that forever.

“Yeah, hardly a soul doesn’t. Most of those who don’t follow her just don’t follow any gods,” Capsize said, trying to avoid getting lost reminiscing. It felt silly to do so when she could never go back. But she couldn’t actually stop herself.

Maybe she just longed for when things were simpler, when she had been a kid and had a community. Back when people hadn’t treated her as strange for wanting to see the world. Gods, she missed it so much.

But rather than going back there, she had ended up in a place where the only Ianitee present other than herself and her brother knew absolutely nothing of the culture or frankly the religion at all. It had been so impossibly alienating, somehow more so than those who acted as though Ianite needn’t exist in the first place. Was it surprising that she longed for Ianerea so much? “I miss it. Not the fact that everyone followed Ianite but having that sense of community.”

“Of course you miss it. It’s your home,” Sonja felt the rising guilt. Always that horrible guilt that she was keeping Capsize from having a normal life. Strangely enough though, Capsize didn’t look nearly as sad anymore.

“You’re definitely right. Though, strangely enough, when I think of home, Ianerea isn’t the place that I actually picture,” Capsize said with a laugh as she realised the odd juxtaposition in her thoughts. She absolutely missed Ianerea, and if actually asked for a physical location that was her home, that’s where she’d say. When she actually thought of home though, it was never what actually came to mind.

“Where then?”

“The ocean,” Capsize replied, her smile wider than ever.

Sonja found it infectious. How could it be anything but with how those brown eyes sparkled? Who could see such a smile and not want to match it? “Whenever I was sailing, that’s when I felt the most like myself. Home is the ocean, just my ship and the waves and the endless horizon.”

“You have a ship?” Sonja couldn’t quite put her finger on why she asked that question. She knew that Capsize had been the captain of a merchant ship, it didn’t seem out of the question that she had owned the ship that she sailed. In fact, it was incredibly easy to picture given how she held herself, but the question had still come to her so quickly. Maybe it was because of just how she smiled when talking about it.

“I had one. I could tell you every last detail of that old thing,” She laughed. She could close her eyes and still see it. That ship that she had worked so hard to be able to purchase and then fix up. That ship that she had absolutely loved. Though, of course, she knew it’d look different now, if it even still existed. Gods, she hoped it still existed. “It’s not mine anymore. I had to sell it when… Well, when I was first injured I… I wasn’t going to be able to keep sailing. So, I needed money to be able to settle somewhere and recover.”

“Oh, that’s—”

“Devastating. It was devastating,” Capsize said struggling to keep her voice steady as she felt entirely hollow. Having to sell the ship had just made everything about being injured worse. The only good thing was that she hadn’t had to sell to a stranger. But as much as she tried to take solace in the fact that it had ended up in the hands of Rupert and that he likely would’ve at least tried to fix the damage that had been done to it, it just didn’t take away any of the upset. Maybe if she wasn’t so far from the ocean, she’d be able to feel differently…

Either way, it wasn’t Sonja’s issue. It was in no way her fault that she could no longer see the ocean. That was a true fact long before she came to the castle. Now she just… didn’t even have the hope…

Gods, she needed to drag this conversation back to something that didn’t make her want to cry. “So, what do you normally do to celebrate the solstice? A bonfire? A feast?”

“A bonfire yes, though probably not as big as the one they have in the town. There’s so few of us here so such a private affair doesn’t need all that large a fire,” Sonja said, trying to sound a little more unsure than she actually was. Tom had told her distinctly when they were kids that the town’s bonfire was bigger always in a seeming attempt to persuade Mot that they needed a larger one for their celebration.

But of course, that wasn’t her main focus. It couldn’t be. Not when the topic switch was so utterly jarring.

And maybe, Sonja thought, it was entirely fair for Capsize to do this. She’d certainly been subjected to more than enough sudden topic changes here in the castle due to the things they couldn’t talk about without risk of revealing the curse. She was more than owed one of her own if there was a topic that she wanted to avoid.

So, she should just keep talking as if she hadn’t noticed the obvious switch. “Mot used to tell the story of how the night came to be, though I imagine Tom will insist on telling it this year with how excited he is about you celebrating for the first time.”

Capsize laughed. Sonja tried to just focus on that.

“Gift giving is a big part of it too. Handmade is traditional.”

She tried desperately to keep her thoughts on the solstice and away from the rattling question. She should just focus on how Capsize was smiling. Why go back to a topic that had clearly brought her sadness when she now seemed happy? What good would it do? Unfortunately, her mind just wouldn’t let it go.

“Why didn’t you return to Ianerea after your injury?” Sonja asked. Immediately she regretted doing so as hurt flared in Capsize’s eyes. Just for the briefest moment, but it was more than enough for the shame to blossom. “I’m sorry, I— We don’t need to talk about it if you’re not comfortable. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, I…” Capsize swallowed. She would be lying if she said she had a particular desire to talk about it. It would make everything more confusing. It always did. Nothing good had ever come from people knowing her title.

But she trusted Sonja. She trusted her enough to genuinely believe that she wouldn’t treat her differently upon learning it. Still though, it wasn’t exactly something she could just say. Not if she actually wanted to be taken seriously, anyway. “I don’t mind telling you the reason why, but it’s going to sound… Just hear me out, okay.”

“Of course, Capsize,” Sonja replied softly. She felt her chest tightening at the hint of fear present in her words. It was not the terror that she had previously seen, the terror that she had inflicted. This was something else entirely. Something that she could only describe as wrong.

Capsize looked away from Sonja’s eyes, not wanting to be able to see her emotions as she said what she was about to.

“I’m Lady Ianite’s messenger. When I was injured, she asked me to move to the town,” Her words were quietly spoken, but they were than loud enough to make Sonja freeze. She prayed that her internal reaction did not show on her face, that her jaws didn’t twist into a snarl on instinct. Every thought in her head was screaming that this confirmed her worst anxieties of her only hope just being another joke sent to her by the goddess. But she did not listen to them.

She forced her anger down. She did not allow herself to pounce with her worst assumptions as she had previously. She was not a mindless Beast. She couldn’t allow herself to act like one. That and… and she trusted Capsize. She could not believe that their friendship was all a farce. Such a thought was beyond ridiculous and more than enough to fully quash down her thoughts initially triggered by the confession. And she could actually take in the way that the woman who had confessed looked. Because she looked like hell.

Capsize said with her head bowed, both hands gripping her cane with white knuckles. Her breathing made it clear that she was attempting to hold back her own reaction, be it fear or tears. And suddenly Sonja found herself frozen for a completely different reason.

“I trusted her. I’d known her for so long that she felt more like a friend than a goddess. And she was so concerned about my injury, I really thought she was recommending what she thought was best for me. So, I moved to that town, Red coming with me, and… And I still have no idea why she sent me there of all places.”

“She never gave you a reason?” Sonja found herself asking almost without thinking. She couldn’t focus on much besides how Capsize’s voice was wavering. But still, could it be?

“She originally told me that it’d be a safe place for me to recover, but the more I thought about it, the less sense that made,” She admitted, trying her best to not sound resentful. She didn’t want to imply that she held ill will towards her goddess. That still felt wrong of her to do. However, it was more of a struggle the more that she tried. Continuing trying to reason and justify when she had been left with nothing was just so exhausting. “The last time I spoke with her, I asked for an actual answer. And she just said that the reason would become clear. That’s all I’ve got.”

Those words struck Sonja like a rock. Had Lady Ianite actually sent her to the town to come here and—?

No.

Immediately she shoved that thought away. There was no way that the goddess had intended for Capsize to come here. It wasn’t even her who found the castle, it was her brother, and he’d arrived by sheer happenstance. Capsize had only come because she was looking for him.

Was it a weird coincidence? Yes, it was one that Sonja’s worst thoughts were clinging to. Each one of them was telling her that clearly the goddess had sent her here as a terrible trap to bring up her hopes before smashing them. But such thoughts required her looking at Capsize and seeing a trick. It required her looking at her friend’s clear distress and believing that she was lying about it.

Whatever Lady Ianite’s plans had been, they clearly had nothing to do with her. And if they somehow did, then Capsize had no knowledge of that fact.

All Sonja knew was this was yet another strike against the goddess that had stolen her life from her. She had hurt someone else. Every ember of anger she felt towards her was reigniting and threatening to consume her, but she couldn’t let it. Right now, wasn’t the time for anger.

Her friend needed reassurance. That was far more important.

“Maybe I should use gentler words, lest the gods strike me, but she sounds cruel,” Sonja said, actually almost welcoming a reappearance from the goddess. There were so many things that she wanted to say to her at this moment. Even without her presence, so many viler words than the one she had used were clawing to escape her. How dare she hurt another person. How dare she hurt someone who actually trusted her.

However, saying any of them now, to even let out any of her own rage towards the goddess not born from this situation, it would just muddy the waters. Her own issues were not important currently. “If she was your friend, if she was going to send you to a town that clearly treated you awfully, the least she should have given you was an explanation.”

“That’s… That’s all I wanted,” Capsize found herself wanting to weep. All she had wanted was a real explanation. The fact that she didn’t have one had been eating away at her. Worse, the fact that she wanted one so desperately had left her feeling so selfish for doubting that Ianite had her best interests at heart. To hear someone say so plainly that she deserved one, it was like two years of build of self-doubt had shattered in an instant.

She wanted to weep, and though she didn’t quite start, tears did start to well. They were good tears, she was sure, but just as her relief was the removal of a great weight, it was also painful and overwhelming.

Sonja saw the building tears, and immediately stood. She took steps towards her on instinct, before her thoughts caught up and she suddenly felt far too large and in the way before someone who suddenly seemed so small. And there was a moment where Sonja considered stepping away.

Then there was a clatter.

Capsize’s cane fell from the iron grasp that she had had on it for nearly the whole conversation, as she instead took a hold of Sonja’s paw. She looked up at her, and didn’t need to say what her eyes were already begging.

Sonja stayed with her.

Though eventually the conversation would once again return to the far lighter topic of the upcoming holiday, the knowledge that Sonja had gained never fully left her thoughts. How, she wondered with such bitterness, had the goddess deemed fit to judge her heartless when she all but abandoned someone who called her friend.

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