#also if you think this is complicated... you may be interested to know I hate a note on my phone with every one of these books written up..

[starlooove]

Racist white ppl who don’t realize they’re racist getting mad about gojo is so funny

[lonesplendour]

Bookshelf Overview

In classic me fashion when asked a simple question, I make a very overcomplicated, unnecessary picture display on the matter. The lovely @solaarflaree asked to see the organisation of my bookshelf so here I am to walk you through it as best as I can. Did I draw over the childhood picture of me and my sister? Yes. We are going to pretend we don't notice because privacy is a thing and my editing skills are as basic as just scribbling over the image in paint.

Anyway, from my expertly taken (and by that I mean wandered upstairs and used my getting on a bit phone) picture of my bookshelf overview you can see my general setup. My shelves are all IKEA Billy bookcases (love you IKEA) and I have 12 big shelves that I use for books and 6 half-size shelves that I use to store random stuff I have been given/collected over the years and have no other place for. You may also notice that the very top shelves are actually dedicated to Red Velvet & SHINee, that is the not my entire kpop collection but they deserved their own shelves, and no I do not own every album yet because they are very expensive when ordering from the UK~

My organisation goes left to right and then onto the next shelf, not all left and then all right, which will make more sense when I explain down below.

Shelf Details

Looking at my shelves more closely, I organised the pictures how the shelves are meant to be viewed to give the best idea of how my books are organised. The easiest way to explain it/show them is to say that the middle block of shelves act as a decorative buffer but ultimately my shelves follow a left to right sweep with a small break in the centre. You can see this easily when the pictures are put together by looking at my Hunger Games books, you can see the books jump from the left hand shelves to the right hand shelves rather than going underneath. I essentially view my long shelves as one long shelf, rather than two separate bookcases, and so I will explain them as such.

Starting with the top two images you can see that right now I have my graphic novels separate to the rest of my books, that is really just because of spacing, sometimes they are grouped at the very front too, it all depends on where I can squeeze them in. Then going to the immediate right you will see my cute mug that houses all my bookmarks and this is where my books essentially begin. It starts with books that are compilations i.e. there is not one author featured to alphabetise them, so they are oranised alphabetically by book title. From 'P.S. I Love You - Cecelia Ahern' we officially move into the alphabetised section, these books are alphabetised by the author's surname and this is generally how all my books are organised. The only thing that overrules alphabetising is chronology within a series, which takes president e.g. you will notice that my Leigh Bardugo books are organised both alphabetically (starting with Ninth House) and then chronologically (the Grisha verse books are organised in the order they were written/that the story follows).

Also yes there is a random book stacked on top of the others, that is because I bought it literally two days ago and like a moron didn't notice it was a sequel until I got home, so it is like that to remind myself to buy the first book before I put it away.

This order continues pretty much throughout until we reach the bottom left picture, on the very bottom shelf, where you will see 'The Book Thief - Markus Zusak'. At this point the organisation changes slightly again, though there is still a running theme of alphatisation throughout.

Here I start with a very, very (literally two) small collection of non-fiction books and then we move onto my special editions. It starts with my very old Shakespeare books and moves quickly onto my hardback collection (this section is only for special edition hardbacks, otherwise you'll see hardbacks all throughout my shelves). These books are again organised first alphabetically by author and then alphabetically by novel e.g. all my Jane Austen books are together but they are further organised alphabetically by title rather than chronology, this is because the books are stand alone rather than a series. After my hardbacks you'll see I have a few paperback special editions, these came together as a set so I have kept them that way rather than splitting them apart by author, although within the sets I've organised them alphabetically by author.

Then we move onto my poetry collection. Poetry again is organised first by author's surname, then by series/chronology. This is easiest to see with my Amanda Lovelace collection, where all her books are grouped together by the series they come in and the order they were published. At the end of my poetry collection is again compilations, books where there isn't just one author, so they are placed at the very end of the shelf as to not get mixed in with everything else. Finally, I have a few books that are just huge and don't have a set place to belong so it makes sense for them to be there.

Plushy Bonus & Final Thoughts

Finally, there is a bonus picture of all my plushies that live on top of my shelves. I won't go through naming them all but they are very cute and watch over me when I sleep.

Other than that you may notice I have a lot of other random stuff on my shelves, some of it decorative and some of it just gets dumped there for convenience sake. You never know when you'll need a blob of blu tack or some scissors.

In conclusion, my way might not work for everyone but even if it makes no sense to you, I hope you enjoyed this insight into the way my mind works. If the organisation still baffles you, at the very least I hope you enjoy nosying at the kind of books I like to read and the sort of random stuff I collect~

If anyone took the time to read all of this, thank you 😘

[vrisrezis]

My fav Bnha characters with a crush teehee

Have probs done this b4 butttt lol these look rlly long ngl

Katsuki is kinda disgusted with himself. He hates all that lovey dovey bullshit and he always told himself he wouldn’t end up falling in love like the shitty old hag, but here he is being a lovesick moron. Katsuki is not known for being subtle, you’d have to be a special kind of moron to not notice he’s totally head over heels. Even if he wouldn’t describe it in those words, he totally is. He has very complicated feelings about the fact he likes you, wanting to focus on his hero training but you make it so difficult for him with your stupid smile that he loves hates so much. However he’s aware of how happy you make him feel, so he’s willing to set it aside, it must be a good thing you make him feel so good, right? It’s strange, but he will find himself showing off more when your around, trying to prove to you specifically he’s gonna be the best hero. In training he works extra hard if you happen to be around or happen to even be watching, he may even start competitions with class 1A just to prove himself to you. Whether it’s dumb competitions like racing in the pool or even school related competitions such as, who’s got the best grades, this nerd absolutely shows off around you. He wants you to think he’s cool, that he will one day be the best. But he also tries to leave subtle … hints he likes you. Even though it’s obvious already, he’s been given the impression that he isn’t totally obvious. He shows his interest in you in other ways, but I will mention he has an extreme jealousy problem even before you are even dating. This is typically of people that are “stronger” than him, so todoroki and deku. However he might get that jealousy if say, kaminari flirted with you. Other ways of actually showing interest though is that he’s actually nice to you, though he shows it in ways that can go unnoticed. If your forgetful he always makes sure he has an extra water bottle with him, or anything else you may need he just says he happens to have. Or perhaps you need help studying or even with homework, he just says kirishima happened to pick a different study buddy that day, so you and him can study together. And kirishima, as the ultimate wingman, insists you two should study more often… alone… and the main thing that gives him away! Blushing! Oh man, if he isn’t the most obvious guy in the universe because of that red face! He can blame it on the cold, he can blame it on how hot it is out, he can blame it on his quirk, or that he’s angry, he is always red faced when you’re too close. If you’ve ever seen amity blight blush, it’s exactly like that. He stares at you in class with this soft expression that is almost never seen on his face, and if he is to ever be caught he simply turns away as fast as possible, wide eyed and blushing. You’ll find that bakugou believes in your strength, so he’s protective in battle a reasonable amount, only if you’re truly in deep shit. When he’s more comfortable with being your friend, he takes you out on hiking trips and just hanging out with you, and sometimes kirishima. The entire class of 1A knows about his little crush though so it makes it extremely hard for him to keep it a secret lol, he’s constantly paranoid somebody told you.

Oh man if you thought katsuki was bad, izuku is on another level of being obvious with his feelings. The boy truly wears his heart on his sleeve. It’s not even something he’s aware of at first, he just thinks your good looking like … wow way more attractive than anyone he’s ever met! You’re a good friend, with an interesting quirk and yes his notes on you are a lot longer than even kacchans and maybe he draws you a lot, maybe he draws moments where you looked really breathtaking and maybe he thinks about you before he goes to bed and when he wakes up in the morning and yes maybe he dreams about you too and overthinks everything you say to him and maybe he rambles about you an unreasonable amount to his friends but… oh man he… he likes you doesn’t he? And once he realizes, it gets even worse because now he’s just blushing at you and he looks like he’s gonna pass out everytime ochako mentions the fact he hasn’t confessed yet and he’s just dying on the spot. Boy talks faster than Eminem can rap whenever she mentions him having a crush especially if you happen to be there for the conversation. Tends to ramble around you a lot, just about random things and everyone is just like “oh god not this again” you have to be oblivious to not notice. Izuku tends to worry about you a lot, so he always checks up on you after training to make sure you didn’t get too hurt, and don’t even get him started when it comes to you going on missions, he worries so much when you’re fighting villains. Now he knows how his mother feels. Izuku tends to be clingy around his crush, so he tends to ask you to hang out quite often, whether it’s hanging out or even studying or even fighting together against some villain he likes being around you and likes making sure that you’re safe when it comes down to it. He tends to have very obvious slip ups that he likes you, voice cracks then correcting himself or perhaps coughing way too loudly when he tries to do an ahem cough, bumping into you and tripping, he’s so clumsy around you. Probably accidentally calls you pretty. He’s just… such a mess man.

Hawks is not experienced with romance, while many can agree he’s a good looking guy that has many people flocking towards him, he was never that interested in dating until you showed around. Honestly, could’ve seen him being aromantic before meeting you, lol. So since he’s never experienced romantic feelings, it’s going to take him a little longer than it should to realize his feelings. However he does show signs of taking a special liking to you beforehand, that even he doesn’t understand at the time. He hates the idea of people looking at you the wrong way, perhaps to court you. He assumes this is because he senses they’re potentially dangerous and as a good friend of yours, he’s just looking out for you. After all, he’s naturally protective of you in battles with villains, even if you can protect yourself. Sure he’s not protective especially of endeavor or miruko, but that’s just because he’s not as close with them as he is with you! He doesn’t feel his heart beat faster around his other friends, but he assumes it must be something else, maybe there’s something making him nervous, or maybe he’s just simply excited to be around you! Sure he doesn’t blush around anyone else when they compliment him, but that’s because it means a lot knowing a close friend thinks about him in such a way! For awhile, keigo comes up with many reasons to justify his feelings towards you until miruko and endeavor make him realize he’s being a total moron right now. Upon realizing his feelings, he’s not completely sure how to go about it, but he starts by trying to make it known he likes you. He’s subtle with his flirts, but once he puts his toes in the water to see if your comfortable with him flirting, he dips his whole foot in. At that point, people just think you two are dating with how casual he is with his newfound flirtatious personality when you enter the picture. Upon realizing his feelings he becomes 10x more protective and kinda already acts like a boyfriend by bringing you lunch to work and taking you to cafes and literal dates and stupid shit like that, lmao.

Aizawa I imagine having very few crushes in his lifetime, and has dates with even less people than that. Because of this inexperience even in his age, he’s not quite sure how to go about his feelings initially. Mic and midnight are extremely annoying about how obvious he is, as well. Aizawa is extremely protective of you, given his experience with his students, it’s only natural he grows protective of you and worries for your safety. Whether you’re a hero or not, he’s going to worry for you. Other than that, the way he shows he cares for you is different with you than it is with his friends. He’s good at listening to you and remembers very small things about you that maybe he wouldn’t remember with other people, he remembers very small details. Perhaps something as small as your favorite coffee even if you don’t like coffee that much. I imagine him fearing if his students ever found out he liked you, what kinda hell that would be. Dealing with them teasing him and potentially telling you, but he truly can’t help but be obvious at times. He stares at you longer than he should, even smiles at you longingly when he thinks you aren’t looking. He looks like a lovesick kitty. Generally reserved in his attraction to you, keeping to himself and hoping he can find some hints you return the feelings before initiating anything. However, he’s always been relatively stupid with romance so this takes awhile for him to even figure out and he has a habit of overthinking everything you say to him and is often left wondering what your intentions truly are with him. When you two spend time together, he likes doing things with you he’d never do with anyone else. Likes you playing and doing his hair, and watching movies and such, your hangouts often feel like dates even when you aren’t dating. So when the time does come you two date, it feels as though nothing has changed. He with trust you whole heartedly, if you aren’t a teacher at UA he is introducing his students to you, his co workers, and especially Eri, all the people who are important in his life but does it in such a way that feels casual and natural. He has a way of not making his crush known if your oblivious enough. However, a part of him that feels like he shouldn’t tell you how he feels come from a place of worrying for your safety and the people that may come after you. He will learn to trust you and your strength, he’s just a worried dad.

Miruko is a bold and brave lady, however even she’s never had much experience with love. Being way too determined to become a hero, it hasn’t given her much time to really experience romance aside from hookups. She decided it was a waste of time, but as one of the top heroes, she understands she can have both things in her life. If she cares to, anyway. And upon meeting you had come to the conclusion she would love to have both things. Miruko is a very confident woman so you will find she wastes no time in approaching you with her feelings. This is, when she realizes them. Due to her being new to it, it takes her a bit to realize it. But after a couple months of knowing you she figure it out. The way she feels compelled to buy you stuff despite not knowing you for that long, the need to protect you from danger even when you can protect yourself just fine, the strange need to wrap her strong arms around you, it all connects to her eventually. Upon realizing the feelings she’s gained she is very flirtatious and makes her intentions with you very clear. She doesn’t like wasting time. You will find though that despite how bold she is, if you flirt back she gets a little shy sometimes. This is a rare occurrence, but it happens! She can be a softie too yknow? She is physically affectionate with you, casually wrapping an arm around your shoulder when you two are talking, whispering in your ear a lot and getting close and personal when she really doesn’t have to. She loves inviting you over to hang with her for games and such, it already feels like you two are a couple even when you aren’t. It’s only a matter of time before she officially asks you out. You may find that during your hangouts she tries to impress you with her strength and tends to brags about her accomplishments. You’ll also find she dresses nicer and even wears makeup occasionally. Her flirtations with you are different than with her hookups too, compliments on how cute you are rather than how hot you are. She wants you to know you mean something to her as well, so on occasion she tells you that you mean the world to her.

Dabi has not experienced romance, ever. Hookups aren’t in his life either. Dabi had been set on one thing and one thing only, revenge. You’d have to be a real special one for him to be attracted to you, but no matter how special you are it will not deter him from his original plan. He didn’t plan on pursuing you in anyway, but he’s selfish at heart and can’t help himself. He may not try to pursue you romantically but he will try his absolute hardest to form a strong bond between you two. It may take awhile to be vulnerable with you but it will absolutely happen while you two are friends, he will be extremely open with you. He’s open about being touya early in your friendship to show he trusts you whole heartedly, to show he thinks you’re like nobody else he’s met. He would know his feelings, despite the complete lack of experience in dating. He just knows. He looks at you and thinks, you’re the one for him. Out of everyone on this list, he’s one of the more protective ones. I’d say the most if it wasn’t for toga, tbh. You will find he’s around you a lot, like just because he’s so protective but also because he likes to be around you. He cares for you and likes your company. You remind him of the good parts of home, you bring back his humanity. Dabi makes no moves on you, despite how strong his feelings are for you and how aware he is of his feelings. He’s scared to form a relationship, in fear it will go to shit and knowing he’d hurt you, knowing his plan of revenge will end in his death. He’d never want to put you through that. He spends much of his time hanging out with you and it feels like the two of you have been best friends forever. He tends to joke with you and be sarcastic, but always being one that’s there for you when you need it and even give you advice. He’s a true friend but he’s scared to be something more.

Toga is truly the most obsessive and protective, the closest you get to a yandere. She grows feelings almost automatically, because she feels as though she sees you for who you are right away. She feels like she’s known you forever, she knows she likes you the more she wants to steal some of your blood and become you. If you’re okay with an overbearing insane girl on your side, she’s the lady for you! She acts like she’s known you forever, even if you’re complete strangers. There is no filter with toga, and she acts like you’re already best friends when you aren’t. And when her romantic feelings become apparent, she makes those feelings very apparent and that she wants something more with you. She tends to get up in your face a lot when talking, with a blush on her cheeks, it’s just because she loves being so close to you! Flirting with you and calling you her darling or her love is a common occurrence, even when you two aren’t even a couple yet. She worries for you a lot and is very protective, and after twices demise this protective nature becomes 10x worse. She’s clingy and constantly cuddling to your side, holding your arm or your hand. She has no shame in you knowing her feelings, she just hopes you will stop being so shy and tell her how you feel too! She will absolutely murder for you too just to add onto her yanderish tendencies, not that I don’t think every villain would do that for you though, lol. Also, the moment you meet her she’s inviting you to the league of villains without a doubt. You’re a part of her little weird family now, no questions asked. You become extremely important to her and how she approaches life from then on. (You could actually help her become a decent person if you were aiming to be a hero. You hold so much power by being the object of her affection, lol).

Shigaraki is determined to destroy the entire world and everyone in it, but even he has feelings. He has feelings towards the league, secretly (or not so secretly) seeing them as his found family. And you, well, in his eyes you are also family but you’re also special to him even in comparison to the league. He isn’t aware of what his feelings towards you are for the longest time, even after the advice kurogiri had given him. He now relies on spinner to give him proper advice, who tells him he feels romantically towards you. Shigaraki is naturally a protective person when it comes to you, not liking anyone getting too close and personal with you, even spinner and toga sometimes. He’s lost a lot and he’s not willing to lose you too especially to some loser that doesn’t deserve you. He’s easily jealous and he’s also easily paranoid you could find somebody else. In his mind, he knows you deserve more than him and the possibility of you ending up with anyone that isn’t him is almost too much to bare. Even if he knows you deserve more, he’s selfish to his core. He likes to play games with you and treats you like a longtime friend, he consistently works on your relationship to make sure he keeps your bond going at all times. He enjoys being close to you and would like to keep it that way and maintaining your relationship. He could talk to you for hours about anything while playing video games with you (Nintendo gamer tingz). As time goes by, he tries to trust you more and grows less protective and obsessive, especially as he becomes much more powerful and much more confident he can protect you if need be. He isn’t bold about his feelings, an occasional shy blush coming from him is the closest you get to him letting his feelings be known. He may eventually approach you, though.

[alphajocklover]

I'd like to see how my life would have turned out, 20 years ago, had I joined my college football team instead of the college theater group.

Fuck. Fucking hell this fucking sucks. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. It’s not you, you’re not the reason I’m upset. Your request is interesting and I want to help you with it, I really do. It’s just… to do this, we’re going to have to use time travel. It’s not that it’s impossible or anything, I actually own a time machine so that’s not an issue. It’s that… I fucking hate time travel.

I don’t hate the concept of time travel itself. I think it can be a lot of fun in works of fiction. Doctor Who, Back to the Future, and Star Trek are all things that heavily feature time travel that I’m a big fan of. It’s just that, in real life, it gets so stupidly complicated. You know how every work of fiction seems to have different rules for turn travel? In real life time travel follows all these rules and none of them all at once. If that seems confusing, that’s because it is. It’s insane. But it’s the best chance for doing this, so we’re going to give it a try. Now, close your eyes and hold onto me tight. This is going to feel weird.

You can open your eyes now. Be careful though, it’s going to take a second for your eyes to adjust. We’re outside now, on the football field of your old college. You don’t have to worry about anyone seeing us. I may hate time travel but the time machine is pretty useful. Time travel, space travel, and camouflage. But that’s not important right now. See that skinny guy standing on the opposite side of the field? You should recognize him. It’s you, 20 years ago, as a college freshman. You really wanted to join the football team huh? I can see the longing in your eyes… but also some serious nervousness. I’m guessing this is about when you back out and decide to join the school's theater group. Not this time though. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna change anything drastic. I’m just going to give you a little… push in the right direction. Have to get you to join the team somehow. I just have to whisper some things in his, or I guess your ear while we’re in camouflage… and just like that everything is going to change. Welcome to the football team. You’re a little late on becoming a jock, but you’re a hard worker. You’ll catch up. Speaking of which…

We jumped forward in time. I probably should have warned you, I was just excited to see the changes. We’re not all the way back to the present, not yet. It’s been a year since the other you joined the football team, and just like I predicted you caught up real quick. Even when you were in theater you were a hard worker, and now that you’ve dedicated yourself to football instead, you’re an absolute beast. You’ve had a major growth spurt and fit right in with the guys who have been playing football since middle school, a total jock through and through. Looks like this version of you acts a little more jockish too. Probably because you’ve been spending so much time around jocks, they’ve been rubbing off on you. Literally in one very special case. That’s right, the new you managed to do what you never could in college: get a jock boyfriend. In the original timeline he never even looked your way, but now Tim Wire, the most popular jock in school, is head over heels for you. You two seem to have a great relationship… Let's see if it lasts.

Another jump forward, a much bigger one this time. It’s been about 5 years since you joined the football team. You didn’t go professional, not because you couldn’t but because you didn’t want to. A guy like you could have been a superstar, but you and your fiancée Tim agreed you both wanted something more stable. So you opened up a chain of gyms. It’s a small business, but it has a lot of potential for growth, especially with you as the face of the operation. You basically have it made. You own a small, successful business, have a sexy husband, and are about to adopt a 3 year old. Your life is fucking perfect. Let’s see if it gets better.

A final jump forward. We’re 20 years after you joined the football team, back into the present. You’re still the old you, but that’s only because I have to ‘finalize’ the changes. Take a look around. You might not recognize this place, this huge mansion, but it’s your home. You, your husband Tim, and your adopted son all live here together. This must be your home gym, and I believe that’s you and him flexing over there. Looks like the little guy ended up taking after his dads. He’s huge for an 18 year old. He’s smart too, all ready to take over the family business when you retire. Your gyms are a very successful franchise now, if you can’t tell from the sheer size of your house. It’s just my opinion but I think your life really would have been better if you joined the football team back then. And now it can be. All you need to do is press this button, and finalize the changes. It’s your choice-

Ok, that was quick. I guess it was an easy choice. I hope you enjoy your new life. I would if I were you. I mean a muscular sexy husband, a son you can be proud of, a successful business and an incredible amount of muscles and confidence. You’ve got it made. I just hope we didn’t change too much. I didn’t realize you’d start a gym franchise. That could have a big impact.

I’m sure it’s nothing though. I mean, how many lives can a gym really change?

[alexiethymia]

Ka Zuigetsu

(spoilers for the manga, LN, WN you name it)

Jinshi or rather Zuigetsu is such an interesting character for me because of the dichotomy. We're initially introduced to him as someone with a lot of pride in his looks, confident, mature beyond his years. Later on, we find that his true self is quite self-depreciating and childish.

He doesn't have an attachment to power, nor his looks. He's actually not the arrogant lord Maomao initially thinks he is because he's open to learning and taking the advice of those who know more than him. And while this feeds into his complex that he's surrounded by eccentrics who are extraordinarily good and excel at one thing (the entire Ra Clan, Maomao included, Basen etc.) he's no slouch himself!

I mean Jinshi doesn't think much of himself considering himself a jack of all trades, but what a wide variety of trades it is - he can beat Basen using skill instead of force, he beat the Emperor at Go at the tender age of fourteen and this is with the Emperor having been taught by the Sage who is one of the only two people known to have beat Rakan, he dances with such grace that foreign envoys can only think of him as a goddess, he's enough of a quick study with medicine according to Maomao, not to mention his prowess at both the military arts and diplomacy.

As if to make up for all that he perceives he lacks, he knows talent when he sees it and will use people accordingly. Ironically (and though they would both hate to hear it) Jinshi and Rakan are more than a lot alike. Despite his complex, these qualities actually make him quite a good leader and you could see why the Emperor really wants to make him the Crown Prince even if this isn't Jinshi's wish.

But unlike Rakan, he is still soft-hearted at his core (see the case with Fuyou for example). And though Maomao is rankled at how he attempts to be both pragmatic and kind, at his inability to wholly abandon his heart for the things he knows must be done, at her core, I think that trait of Jinshi's is the main reason why Maomao finds herself unexpectedly loyal to him.

Much has been said for Maomao's charisma, but Jinshi also attracts loyalty from unexpected places. Like Gyokuyou, he surrounds himself with capable people. While part of me is cheering him on to get his wish of being an ordinary person, I feel like everything has been building up to his eventual ascension to the throne. Because while Jinshi may complain and grumble about his work, ultimately he will still do it. At present, he could only implement his plan because he still thinks he's just the Imperial Brother. But the moment the truth gets revealed, he won't easily be able to shake off his burden.

A part of me thinks that he will eventually take the throne in some form or the other, but only until Gyokuyou's son comes of age and he can finally pass on the crown and become an ordinary person once and for all. This scenario would actually be the perfect pretext for him to justify having only Maomao for his sole consort since he can reason out that he doesn't want to further complicate the lines of succession by having more children with more consorts. In other words, a win-win possibly for both Jinshi and the current Emperor (except Maomao haha).

[aheathen-conceivably]

Long before the last note Antoine had grown aware of Zelda’s presence; but as he finished, he looked up at her with a newfound vulnerability in his eyes. As she stared at him unmoving, he absentmindedly moved his hand along the strings to fill the quiet left by the watching stars, “Was it alright, you think? Writing lyrics, it’s new. Harder than assembling notes, if you ask me.”

She looked at him in amazed silence. His original piano pieces had been brilliant, and sometimes he had written ditties for her to sing, but never before had she heard him sing his own lyrics. She had always known how much he loved it - this place that he had left but that walked alongside him everywhere he went; but it was so much clearer this way, so full of both love and hate, loyalty and disdain, longing and relief, that it was difficult for anything other than music to encompass it. 

She brought her hands together in something that may have been a clap if she wasn’t so afraid to disrupt the stillness of the desert air. On silent footsteps, she left her reverie behind and moved to sit where he had made room for her on the worn wooden bench.

She looked at him earnestly, trying to ease his fear with even just the movement of her eyes, “It’s brilliant, Antoine, truly.” And she meant it, not just because she was under his spell and not her own now; the judgmental eyes of God and her sisters were shut out when she was in his orbit. Now there was only him and his memories for her to get lost in. 

He left his hands on the strings, still playing the familiar notes as though they helped make the admittance easier to utter, “You were right, you know? When I play it’s like I can see it all laid out in front of me. Or better yet, under me. Like I’m above it, observing it all like a story. Makes me realize I loved it more than I thought I did. That house. That place. Her. I wrote it because I know it’s gone now, probably nothing but rubble under a cheap government build. I just don’t want to forget. Or maybe I don’t want the world to forget.”

The stars looked down on them as his smile widened with every inch she drew closer to him. They reflected brightly in her eyes as she leveled them to his, “Would you sing it again? So I can hear it better?”

He let out a small laugh, just as much in relief as in humor. “Surely you would prefer to sing it? With a voice like yours I would hate to imagine what mine must sound like.”

She brought her knee up on the bench with them, curling as close as she could without dislodging the guitar from his arms. “Hush and sing. You don’t need me now.”

“I always will, Mrs. Duplanchier. No matter what. But as you wish….” 🎶

Part 3/3

(As Antoine is meant to have written House of the Rising Son in this universe, I’m going to leave a little disclaimer about this song and its origins under the cut, in case you are interested!)

The origins of the song House of the Rising Sun are much older and more complicated than I have presented here. Folklorist Alan Lomax has written more on it if you are interested, but it is commonly thought to have originated as an English folk song, morphing into the version we know today amongst various groups of American immigrants.

Perhaps best known for its 1964 version by The Animals, it has long formed a staple of American folk, blues, rock, and country recordings, with recorded versions by everyone from Lead Belly, Woody Guthrie, Doc Watson, Nina Simone, Dolly Parton, Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan, and Alt-J (amongst so many others). However, I have taken inspiration from the earliest known recorded version, which was done in Appalachia in 1933.

Of course, in having Antoine write this song I have compressed much of this history into a single figure, as well as slightly twisted the meaning of the song to fit the story line. The latter is mostly based on personal interpretation of the lyrics and is purposefully meant to draw a line from this family’s musical heritage through the 1960s and beyond. It also gives a face to the very real figures behind many of the staples of American music that have come to us from the early part of the 20th century, many of which were written or played by black men and women whose songs have continued onward while many of their names and stories may have been forgotten.

[copperbadge]

hi, i had a medium to big question. in your post about the adhd self-help book you mentioned people with adhd being conditioned to be nonconfrontational, but i've never once in my entire life connected the two? can you break down the connection for me so that i can once again (this week, even) have my understanding of my own condition blown wide open?

So, you are not the only person to ask about this, but that's on me for being unclear -- I wasn't trying to assert that kids with ADHD are automatically conditioned to be nonconfrontational, I was more trying to be like "Hey not everyone needs lessons in medical self-advocacy but a lot of nonconfrontational people do." And I think there is a higher population of people with neurodivergence who are deeply confrontation-averse, but I don't have like, numbers for that, it's just an assumption based on other knowledge.

It gets complicated; ADHD is a disease based heavily in acting impulsively against your best interests. But yeah I do think people with ADHD are often conditioned to avoid confrontation because of two main factors: rejection-sensitive dysphoria and executive dysfunction.

RSD, which I hate perhaps more than any other symptom or behavior associated with ADHD, automatically kicks our nervous system into high gear in social situations and encodes embarrassing moments in our memory with high-def clarity. Because RSD naturally causes a level of anxiety around socialization, it tends to make us nonconfrontational simply because a) we don't want to be yelled at, b) we don't want to embarrass ourselves by getting emotional about something that may not warrant it, and c) by the time we realize what's happening our body is already on high alert which means we are likely to go into fight-flight-freeze mode.

Me, I freeze, usually, but none of those three options are great for fast thinking during an argument. I used to lose arguments a lot simply because I couldn't think or react as fast as the neurotypical person I was fighting with, so I simply stopped having fights. Notably, I did not have this problem when fighting with my brother, who is also neurodivergent and has many of the same freeze reactions I do.

If people disagree with me, even when I know I'm right I also know I probably won't be able to vocalize it properly, so I back down. Usually it's trivial so it doesn't matter, and I've gotten strategic about how and when I argue about things that do matter; it's also a lot easier to do with strangers or professionals (like doctors) where I don't have to worry about long-term social repercussions. But yeah, our own nervous system tells us "hey maybe don't pick this fight" about every single fight and if we do pick that fight, it treats our opponent as a dangerous predator.

Executive dysfunction's interaction with nonconfrontation is something I have less problem with because while I do have poor executive function, I've spent a lot of time and energy training myself to cover the Important Stuff. I have mild ADHD so I'm capable of this; I'm not trying to say everyone with ADHD is, because lord knows it's exhausting for me and I've been doing it for roughly thirty years. But essentially, I cover where it counts: if someone needs me to do something I do it, I meet deadlines, I pay bills.

So with that disclaimer in place, a very common issue especially for children with undiagnosed ADHD is that they'll be told or asked to do something and simply be unable to begin or complete it, then when they're asked why they didn't do it they can't explain. Even if they try to explain that they simply couldn't, like they were incapable of doing it for reasons they don't understand, that usually doesn't hold water with a lot of parents and teachers.

"I couldn't bring myself to write this essay," is actually something I told myself a few times in college, but it's not something I'd bother trying to tell someone else, because if you think you're neurotypical that sounds very insane. So I'd lie and say I forgot, or I'd take the fail, or I'd simply drop out of the class. Crucially I would not fight with the authority figure who was questioning me about it, because I knew I wouldn't be able to explain myself, and I'd just end up getting in more trouble for longer.

Our culture is structured for neurotypicals, and it's not even structured for all neurotypicals. Behavior that deviates from Approved Neurotypical even when you think you are Approved Neurotypical is highly punishable. So if your options are passivity, even when passivity leads to pain, or confrontation, most people who aren't Approved Neurotypical will opt for passivity once they've had a taste of where confrontation leads. I know I do.

And the thing is, there's nothing actually wrong with that. It's a strategy calculated to minimize pain. Even when I'm firing on all cylinders on a fresh dose of Adderall, I still generally let fights go unless there will be actual real consequences, because it's just not worth it. But knowing we have ADHD and knowing we fall into this pattern, I think it is good to be aware that sometimes letting a fight go is really going to fuck you, and at that point even being bad at it is better than not engaging.

I'm pretty good at calculating those, but it's a lifelong process, knowing which hills to die on when you assume you will automatically die if you ever get above sea level.

[khruschevshoe]

You know what? I'm gonna say it. As someone who is asexual and on the aromantic spectrum myself, I'm a bit tired of the Doctor Who fans who all say that Donna is the best companion of Ten's just because they were best friends and nothing more and that automatically makes her the best companion of RTD and for a lot of you, the best companion overall.

Listen, I LOVE Donna. Adore her. And I also think that her friendship with the Doctor is amazing. But it has always rubbed me the wrong way that the companions who have a romantic interest in the Doctor (and let me tell you, there is textual evidence for every one of them that the feelings were reciprocated in some way) are somehow considered lesser BECAUSE of that interest. That just because they fell for the Doctor means that their relationship with the Doctor is cheapened in some way.

I personally think that just as platonic relationships should not be considered lesser than romantic ones, the same goes in reverse. Amy, Clara, Martha, Rose, River, and Yaz's feelings may have some weak writing decisions attached to them, but so does Donna.

Personally, I love Donna's character arc/the tragedy of her ending, but I've always felt a little disappointed by the fact that her becoming the DoctorDonna in Journey's End was not predicated on her strong characterization/choices (Ala Planet of the Ood/Fires of Pompeii) but by "fate" pushing it to happen. It's honestly more Dalek Caan than Donna making all that happen.

This is NOT to say that I don't love Donna, but just to say that the fact that she had no romantic feelings for the Doctor doesn't automatically catapult her above the rest. Romantic feelings can lead to just as interesting, well-developed character arcs/complicated dynamics as platonic ones can, from the creator/created reciprocated question mark wanting but unable to choose each other over everything dynamic of 11amy to the fascinating destroying each other saving each other one taking all of the emotional toll but honestly craving that prophet-god relationship of 10martha to the shaping each other making each other kinder and braver reminding each other there is hope dooming and saving each other of 9rose to the full dooming each other but running straight at it full tilt because we are purposefully ignoring the turn back now signs of 10rose to the batshit insane codependent reflecting each other refracting each other who is Orpheus and who is Eurydice of 12clara to the there was always someone else in the room keeping us apart but you somehow became my whole world and I knew you from birth to death and we will never be anything more than a shut door of 13yaz to the you doomed me and saved me and you hate me but you might have loved me once and i will spend the rest of my life devoted to you dynamics of 10jack 11river and 12river.

Every relationship is interesting and personal preference might steer you in a certain way due the character arcs/ending preferences/etc., but elevating one over the other because the companion wasn't "foolish" enough to fall in love with the mad genderfluid alien in a box who ran away with you and stole you away to the stars doesn't sit well with me. Romance doesn't cheapen a relationship just as it doesn't automatically make it the ultimate relationship, either.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

This thoughts still cooking, so it might not make sense, but I think Thomas (Tomas?) Astruc is a very good case study on how being too attached to your own ideas can hinder your story telling.

I don't mean this in a "Thomas's original idea for the series was bad", but rather that he seems so attached to this concept that he can't stand other people having a differing view from him.

Chloe's the titular example here. Some people thought she deserved a redemption arc, and instead of just saying "nah, I don't think so" and continuing to write her the same way he had been, he had to prove them wrong, prove that his idea was the only correct one, and so turned her into the spawn of Satan and let her rule over Paris for some reason.

Instead of making Marinette less stalker-y, he wrote an entire episode poorly justifying it. And, imao, somewhat diminishing what PTSD actually is and does to people.

I'm not saying he has to make any change (though I think making Marinette less stalker-y would be a good change), but instead of 1.) sticking to his resolve or 2.) taking the criticism, he clung dearly onto this perception of his characters and his writing suffered because of how much he had to twist things to "prove" that his original assertions were right. And also that everyone who disagreed with him was wrong and didn't understand

idk if that makes sense, but the concepts been lingering in my head recently

It makes perfect sense! I've had similar thoughts. It's hard to say for sure, but Miraculous may be a case study in "kill your darlings". I'm not deep into the behind-the-scenes lore and I was not here in the early fandom, but I do know that, at some point, a much darker version of the show was pitched. That's why these exist (image source):

[Image description: two sketches styled like comic book covers. Both have the title "The Mini Menace Ladybug". The left cover shows Marinette's silhouette in a doorway. The door's glass and the glass of a nearby window are broken. In the foreground lies a hand holding a ladybug charm. The hand is limp and surrounded by blood, implying that someone is injured or dead. The right cover is Ladybug doing a spinning kick while looking angry.]

We also have this evidence of the darker original concept:

Jeremy Zag then proposed another project... which he was unable to sell to broadcasters... the project was called "Ladybug". No one was interested, as the project was aimed more at an adult audience... Sébastien had to make sure that the project could be broadcast on Disney and TF1.... Thomas wanted to make a series for adults, but at the time, it was very complicated to make a cartoon for adults. What's more, they didn't have enough money to take on such a project. Sébastien finally agreed, but there were some changes to be made, which Thomas accepted... In the end, Thomas Astruc's entire project was discarded, leaving only the love story between the two heroes and the city of Paris, where the story was to take place.

I've been aware of this darker origin story for a while due to Tumblr and, because of this knowledge, I have often had the thought, "are the writers trying to sneak elements from this darker version into canon?" Because that's the most likely explanation for what's going on here.

If I'm right, then I think that was a terrible move on their parts. They needed to let go of the story that they couldn't sell and embrace the story that they're being allowed to tell. It's why "kill you darlings" is such good advice. Many good stories have been ruined by writers clinging to an idea that ultimately doesn't work for some reason.

It's why the sitcom How I Met Your Mother has such a universally hated ending. The show was originally supposed to go for two seasons and so they wrote an ending that would fit the second season. The show ended up running for nine seasons and, by then, the ending didn't fit, but the writers kept it and left everyone with a bad taste in their mouths, which is not what any writer wants. That's why you have to do what's best for the story even if it means abandoning something that you really love.

This early version of canon may also be why the writers are so obsessed with Marinette. My understanding is that this concept had her mainly acting as a solo hero and, oh look! What is one of canon's biggest problems? Marinette being treated like a solo hero even though she has a partner and, later on, a team!

Not saying that this theory has to be true, just saying that it would explain some things. And if they're poisoning canon by trying to include elements from their darker original? Then it makes sense to assume that they're also doing it for smaller stuff. Like I'm pretty sure I've read that the head writer wanted Chat Blanc to be a lot darker originally, but no one would green light it, so we got an incredibly lackluster episode that spat in the face of the genres Miraculous' is trying to be part of while also falling to have the sort of impact we'd expect from an episode like that. It's a good example of a darling that really should have been killed. It just doesn't fit.

(Totally unrelated sidenote, but is your blog name from Tangled? Because that's what I immediately thought of and it made me smile!)

[sgiandubh]

Chère Madame Connasse/ Dear Mrs. Fuckwit

First of all, please excuse the length of this answer (you have also been blocked, incidentally speaking). This deserves its own audio. In French, since the French connection is so fucking tenuous:

Here is the English translation, since I am pretty sure Madame Connasse does not speak any French:

'Dear Mrs. Fuckwit,

Oh, well - how may I put it? I also find interesting that such an idiot would lose her time sending such enormous things to a page she hates and which, in return, cordially tells her to go fuck herself.

I usually am entitled to some pretty mighty garbage, but you do have enough vocabulary as to use words like 'hubristic' and 'vortex'. That makes you, by the way, very vulnerable and also more exposed than Uganda's current budget.

But why not you, after all, like so many others? The more, the merrier and you do write, not without some chutzpah, that my French connection is tenuous, as is my legal expertise and that I make you laugh, along with all the rest of the shipper community. Which, to be honest, is as untrue as possible. But it must be such a pain in the ass for you to see that people read me, that people like what I write and that, who knows, all those people (of which there are many), have a better day, in this bizarre environment.

I have already shown you some pictures of myself, including at official events. It was not enough.

I have already shown you my car, my office, my desk and my diplomatic passport. It was not enough.

With just one click you could have checked all the (very transparent) clues I have patiently scattered in my posts, in order for you to find me. Some did. They know perfectly well that you lie and you know it, too.

So, here's the deal, you stupid bitch: your cackle will turn sour when you'll see this very official paper:

This is just one of my law degrees - my Public Law BA at the Paris II University, in June 2001, as you can see by yourself. I have worked so hard and so passionately to get it, that I don't give a flying fuck about the fact that a nobody, and a coward to boot, doubts me. I have nothing to prove, nothing to demonstrate and I owe you nothing. However, sometimes one must set the record straight and I am a very impulsive person, after all.

I shall spare you all the rest, dear Mrs. Fuckwit. There is much more, but I am afraid your self esteem could never bear it. That being said, think twice, the next time you'd try to humiliate someone you do not know. Internet is so wonderfully sketchy that you never know (pinky promise: like never, ever know) to whom you're really talking. People lie very easily in here: I find this ridiculous and useless, in 2024, when one can find more or less everything about anyone. In no time at all, provided one knows exactly how to do it (between you and me, it's not even that complicated).

You and your posse of Pointless Underlings have insulted and intimidated dozens and dozens of people of our community, with an absolutely revolting ferocity. You have been doing it for years, with complete impunity and the strong belief that you were protected by a particularly perverted context, by some obscure agendas and by the indifference of the Two Main Characters. I am here to tell you I am not afraid and also that I couldn't care less about whatever you'd write or think. You will do it again, of course, because I think your obsessive universe is limited to the tiny window of your delusions.

But don't worry, dear Mrs. Fuckwit: until further notice, I shall make mine what a distant descendant of Irish Rebels, marshal of France Mac Mahon, said during the Crimea War - I am here and I am here to stay.

Also, you know: she who laughs last laughs the best.'

[stxrslut]

I think the reason why so many people hate dark content is because they don’t understand it.

Incest for example has been a big topic on this side of tumblr as kinktober approaches and a few writers, including myself have mentioned it.

why is writing incest bad? It’s not, up front. the moment it becomes bad is when you romanticise it. the same goes for other dark topics, for example necrophilia or blatant rape.

acknowledging that these things exist is not a bad thing, and neither is acknowledging that there are certain people out there who do it. it is a horrible truth that nobody wants to exist, but it does.

using the infamous rafe cameron as an example, why would you want to read an incest piece about him?

rafe is a complicated character, and a very bad person. a lot of writers don’t like to take that into account. I’m sure we’ve all seen many works where rafe is portrayed as a sweetheart, a perfect husband who cares and would never do anything to harm you.

this portrayal of rafe has become the norm for many people on this platform. and so upon seeing dark content, they are trying to imagine it with this completely different character. the version of rafe that is romanticised.

when we write this content we don’t write it with that rafe in mind. we don’t want to be with this version of rafe that we’re writing, this is a bad character and we absolutely recognise it when writing him.

of course, as mentioned there are people who are imagining it with romanticised rafe, and also assume that was the rafe it was intended to be written with.

if that was the case then writing this content most definitely would be bad.

but why would we write dark content with a reader insert if we didn’t want this to happen to us? what is the point? that’s a valid question.

primarily, self insert or ‘x reader’ is just the format that we write in. even though we may be imagining our name and or face it’s not necessarily us. reader is just a character, let’s use puppy!reader for an example, she has her own characteristics specific to the reader or character. I don’t think I am puppy reader, but I love to use her character to write a reader.

self insert and second person writing is also a very good way to explore the thoughts, feelings and actions in a character in very great detail, which a lot of writers very much enjoy doing.

this is also another misconception that people make. because in some of the situations the reader goes along with / wants these things to happen, which is very easy to mistake for writer wanting it too.

so now we know that self insert does not mean desire. but even if we don’t desire this, why do we write it?

there are many reasons. one is character analysis. there are plenty of bad characters out there, and they would do that. we are simply acknowledging that.

we like to explore complexities and nuances of characters. this character would want to do that and so how would that play out? who would it be with and what would the feelings and emotions be? it’s interesting to explore darker parts of different characters.

another reason is trauma, to people without it that sounds ridiculous. but people with trauma in these kinds of situations may find comfort or control in reading about it in a safe environment.

I have a lot of childhood trauma, and there are certain pieces of writing centred around that kind of thing can really help me to think about it and help me to control the way I think about it.

now there are some aspects of dark content that we may say we “want”, but that is generally misunderstood.

let’s use a sentence I have said many a time, “I want rafe to fuck me with a gun”. no, I absolutely do not.

I am into humiliation and power play, I also enjoy a little bit of fear and pain in some circumstances. in a safe environment, for example, a fictional one, a gun would be a perfect way to do these things.

obviously in real life I wouldn’t let anyone come near me with a gun. it’s all about interpretation and understanding of safe environments.

when I’m reading a fic where gun play may be involved I read about the humiliation and power play and all sorts and think oh fuck that is sexy. because it is, in this very safe place where a gun is not going to harm me or anyone.

the same goes for lots of other forms of dark content. we might not necessarily want the exact action, but more the sensation or feeling that comes with the action.

but why would we write it when people are going to be triggered by it?

simply put, that is not our problem. I haven’t ever come across a piece of dark content that wasn’t correctly labelled and warned.

I’m not responsible for anyone else’s media consumption, if they choose to ignore my warnings it is entirely their fault.

also, free will exists, if someone decides they don’t like what they’re reading they can simply close the piece, stop reading.

in a nutshell, if someone who writes dark content is 1. not romanticising it and 2. labelling it correctly, you don’t have a reason to target them.

learning to distinguish between dark content and predatory content is so important so we’re not attacking the wrong people.

please stop targeting writers who write dark content when there are people out there who genuinely are horrible who we do need to be targeting. focus your attention on the real issues.

[armandposting]

heres several things I think are true

tvc is about people who are monsters, and having love for people who are monsters, and part of its point is to make a reader find out how much monstrosity they are willing to accept while also accepting that the person committing it is in fact a real and whole person

there is a style of ethics (that I personally subscribe to in real life) that says no matter what someone has done they do not lose their humanity

this is not the only style of ethics that exists and it's fair to have limits on what you will accept

the characters in tvc are not guys in real life

it is not against the text (or immoral) to read tvc and find that you have limits on which monsters you have compassion for. a book can ask you do to something and part of your experience can be saying hmm, no. this does not mean you do not understand what you are reading

it can be an interesting exercise to push your limits while reading something like this

it can also be a cathartic exercise to be able to just hate the shit out of a fictional guy when you know your irl ethics are more complicated than that

anne had some beliefs that should not be tolerated in a safe society at different points in her life and these come clearly through in several recurring themes of her books, and its not against the text or not engaging with the text to recognize this, and in fact may be sort of the opposite

in fact you can engage fully with the text and everything it asks of you and even recognize that all of the monstrous characters are also human and very whole people and still decide not to like some of those characters or the things that they do. having compassion or empathy for a character does not necessarily mean you like or tolerate them

on the other hand liking a fictional character who does horrible things does not necessarily mean you support those things or would like someone who did them in real life

the discomfort someone feels in seeing someone like a character they dislike is just as valid as the discomfort someone feels seeing someone dislike a character they like, and doesn't mean either person is necessarily wrong or does not understand what they are reading

perhaps part of this whole having empathy and compassion lesson should apply to the real people you are encountering in fandom rather than just the fictional monsters and assuming that someone doesn't understand what they read because they feel differently about it than you do is not actually exercising that lesson

[mgnifique-tion]

— from the heart.

summary || ``the scientist, y/n l/n, finds the key to the god of mischief’s hardened heart.``

pairing: 2012!loki x gn!scientist!reader song recommendations: i’ll be your man - btob / covered by park jeup, choi suhwan, and kim seunghun (build-up) lowercase is intended… »» read part 1 here

— themes and warning/s: open-ended (yet again), very mild swearing, the enemies have turned to complicated lovers, religious/christian metaphors, angst, death of family member (mentioned), thor mentioned 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥 (just a heads-up)

— a/n: entry for april! what the hell, y’all… how did i get so active writing about loki, i’m not even into the mcu that much anymore (idk, probably because he turned into a tree and that was sad?) anyway, this is the second part to “human reaction” so if you haven’t checked that out, just click the link on the title for some backstory. this has also turned out longer than earlier so wow, i think i’ve gone crazy for loki (thanks a lot, tom 👍) — edit: hello, so this was supposed to be up for april but i'm posting it now on july because, unfortunately, i have a very busy life with unexpected events taking place. enjoy reading!

[ total words: 2.5k ]

support me on ko-fi! ☕

───── ❝ ❞ ─────

it was past midnight and that self-proclaimed god had brought you to the top of a hill, telling you to wait for him as he’ll be taking some time to converse with his allies.

allies in ruling the world? yes.

“faen!” you heard him growl into the darkness, which startled you from the rock you were sitting on. but of course, that sudden shock died down due to how tired you already were; sleepless and alert from anything that could happen if you’d ever close your eyes. there was that fear that you may never open them again if you had left them closed shut even for just a little minute. 

there was a long pause until you decided that it’d be somewhat of a good idea to say something. a single word at least just to fill in the silence. “... so, did the meeting go well?–”

“oh, will you just not question it!?” loki grunted, startling you again. well, he did say he wouldn’t lay a finger on you so erupting like a volcano right at you wasn’t technically breaking any rule. “don’t you see? it’s obvious that nothing else had gone well, you imbecile! what else would i have to offer you in exchange for your eternal silence!?”

then, he proceeded to take in a deep breath, closing his eyes to collect himself and his emptied patience while you just stared at him. yes, of course, you hated his guts and the fact that you couldn’t really do anything against him but you never intended to offend him; that question was genuine.

in fact, every single response you’ve ever given him was genuine.

“sorry,” you blurted out, “i was just asking. i didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or something... just wanted to know what went on.” the way your voice sounded so hazy and somehow breathy had given him the impression that you were already exhausted, not just mentally but rather physically. you couldn’t think of the words to respond anymore and maybe it would’ve been better if you had just said nothing.

but surprisingly, this was just another reason for loki to take interest toward your gift: humanity, as he’s said. “... did you just?–”

“yes… i did. i did apologize!” you didn’t even notice how your tone had changed; you’ve never raised your voice at him for the sake of him doing the same for you but you’ve had enough. you weren’t a friend, you weren’t even anything to him. you were just a total mortal stranger he spared, which does not give any reason for both of you to yell at each other but that rule has been broken.

after all, you’re just human and that is natural.

“i have never insulted after you’ve spared me,” you reminded him bitterly, getting up from that rock you’ve been sitting on ever since the past hour. you don’t even know why this god had brought you here and something about it was just familiar to you, just like the sacrifice of isaac. “i couldn’t sleep... i couldn’t eat... i couldn’t even ask you to stop whatever the fuck you’re doing to my world anymore but the moment i asked you about your stupid meeting, you just– you just blow up at me! is this what i get from saving you!?”

and that was the first time you’ve ever startled a god.

loki was stunned. slightly amused but completely out of words. just by staring at him, you’d know that he would start thinking of something with a smug smile but there was nothing on his face; he was fazed by you. 

“right,” he said with a low chuckle, “i must’ve forgotten you were human with feelings all over the place... natural... real.”

as the scepter started glowing again, panic rushed in your head and you damn knew that you had to run – just like the many times you’ve thought of that scenario but it just never took place. “you want a meal and an hour of sleep?”

“make it at least two–”

“four, it is.”

and despite the second peak of terror just occuring, that was also the second time he’s ever shown actual generosity. “you humans are too fragile,” loki commented with yet another chuckle as you huffed since that’s all you could do; you don’t trust his promises after all and you might never will. “... you really do need a proper leader. a god you can see, feel, and touch… not some written messiah.”

oh.

that statement must’ve crossed borders.

“... where do you want to eat?” he asked softly, almost as if he’s returning that genuine question he didn’t even bother to listen to. you were starting to wonder whether this was a symbol of your last meal. the last thing you’ll ever eat before your execution. 

who knows what else he could do with that scepter of his. “... well, in-n-out is open for twenty-four hours so…” you trailed off, looking away for a bit as your eyes scanned the area. every hill and path already turned into several landmarks in your mind as if you were the first person to discover it. “... would that be okay?”

once those uncertain words left your lips, the god of mischief smugly smirked back and nodded once. “i have one condition, however.” loki, of course, had to have some benefit from allowing you to take your basic needs as he stood before you, his hands clasped together and shown rather than his usual. “you’re not allowed to eat alone, therefore, once you purchase your cheap delicacies, we’ll come back here.”

so, a total bummer? of course, loki would know how to ruin your chances of escaping even if you hadn’t plotted against him… yet. “i wouldn’t want my apprentice to attempt freeing themselves, would i?” he knew what he was doing and you just had no choice; you needed to eat. you needed sleep. you needed to survive and in order to do so, you must abide by his rules.

he did spare you, didn’t he?

and as time passed by, you were now seated in the same mountain area, eating a take-out burger with a god. you didn’t know whether this was an early breakfast or a late dinner but nonetheless, you were somewhat grateful. “... are you not hungry?”

“gods don’t need to–”

“i bought you one, too.”

for some reason, loki just couldn’t say no to that as he continued to sit down next to you while your hands scrambled into the paper bag, searching for the other burger. at the moment, this was the only thing you could afford since he’s taken you under him once he’d given you that offer: wherein he or his blue-eyed minions couldn’t hurt you yet you still had to be somewhat his subject; a witness and a bystander.

after all, how could he lead humanity without being familiar with one?

“why aren’t you making attempts yet?” loki asked, “this is your perfect and only way of taking the hit and setting yourself free from my commands.”

“because i stick by my words,” you said back effortlessly, “i’ll be here until you let my co-workers– my friends go.”

he was silent again. in some way, he expected you to tell him that you were staying because you simply wanted to but a whiplash of reality quickly swept him away from his delusions. “so, you’re telling me that you’d wait until i let them go, huh? you’re willingly waiting for ages, then.”

the god hardened his heart and set aside any chances of letting your friends go as he chuckled before taking a bite from his burger. on the other hand, you just sat there, rethinking your choices; there’s no way nothing could convince him to let them go, right?

“yet i do admire your everlasting… hm… patience,” he pointed out, later letting out another low chuckle. “now that is something i don’t have… how do you do it?”

for the very least amount of times, he actually was genuine with that question. “well, i had a baby sister and she definitely trained me a lot with my patience.” you laughed, the delayed silence seeping in little by little, which made him cock his head to the side, curious about the matter.

“... had?” he just had to ask about it. “she passed away.” and you just had to tell him.

hearing your solemn, guilty answer was enough to make loki hooked to that story behind your younger sister’s passing. it wasn’t something you’d openly talk about but it surely was the only thing you endlessly blamed yourself for. 

“... oh,” loki uttered with a rather bitter tone, “i’m sorry for your loss… how old was she?”

“twelve.”

considering the fact that he was thousands of years old, his eyes widened after finding that out. “... that’s young,” he commented rather blankly but the look on his face was otherwise; you weren’t the only one terribly heartbroken about the incident. loki took the lives of eighty individuals in two days but never did he think of taking the life of a young child.

so, that was terrifying to think of. “and that happened because of?”

“... terminal disease.”

no matter how casual you sounded to him, your heart shattered. “well, actually, it could’ve been her twenty-second birthday last month if she made it… i’m a bit sappy now, aren’t i?” reality woke you up and told you to snap out of it; you weren’t talking to a friend, you were talking to a dictator. an alien. the god of mischief.

this story was not supposed to be and shouldn't be disclosed with him. “be sappy all you want,” he said, taking a sip from the straw of his cola. “after all, a god should be able to listen to his people’s messages, right?”

narcissistic? yes. but empathic? weirdly, that too.

“... that thing you used earlier,” you took a pause, letting out a sigh and then, a laugh. “it was supposed to be for her… well, for people like her at least.”

loki was giving it his best to not feel sorry – guilty for using the thing you’ve made but who knew that a sibling tragedy would soften his heart? he wouldn’t admit it, of course, but it was there. present at the moment and served as a reminder that he too had a sibling.

well, has.

“it was up for testing but of course, it was used for something else,” you said, eyeing him down as he managed to fake a chuckle; he couldn’t let himself show weakness after everybody else in his life made him feel like a nuisance – a tiny, little problem they’d have to deal with every day. not ever. never again. “... but i guess i still saved someone? and i still don’t know if i should be happy about that but it still provided its purpose.”

“oh, please.” he laughed, facing you more than he ever did before. “you saved me, your god and not anyone else… you should be celebrating this for your whole life.”

“you’re not the god i worship, loki.”

“well, i suggest you must. it’ll make this all easier for you.”

and he talked like a noble deity while eating a french fry. cheap and comical but it didn’t lower his status. “and, oh, if you do, there would be a lot of kneeling that’d occur.” that statement made you turn around and look at him with your brows either furrowed or raised; you had no idea how to react properly to it.

“... what–,” you were then stopped midway.

“i meant in praying.” he choked out.

this was one of your weirdest, most out of place conversations with the god so you just had to slowly turn away again and face the hills below both of you while munching on the burger in your hands. and then, he told you the truth you’ve kept deep in your chest, “... oh, i see it clearly now… you saved me because you want to prove yourself that you’re capable of keeping someone away from death. that you’re… worthy of things.”

it felt like time had stopped the moment you listened to him say that. for the first time, he was actually right with what he’d told you. he’d always claim the most bizarre things about humans and gods but this time, he was so close to the truth that he just blatantly told you what it was.

you were guilty because you couldn’t save her.

“i have a brother,” he added, “that’s why i… um… figured it out.”

“well, where is he, then? did you kill him?”

loki laughed at that. despite the hatred and fueling anger he had for his older brother, he wouldn’t end up killing him even though he’s close to it. the scars of the past made him into who he was now but the wound that his brother’s death would leave him absolutely destroyed. alone. all by himself. consumed by nothingness. just like what his old, so-called friends would tell him.

“he’s alive,” he said so soothingly, “and he’s living against what i had planned for this world.” those following words were much bitter, angrier than what he’s said before. it’s almost as if he’s relieved to see his brother again but upset enough to know that he wasn’t on his side.

“oh, you totally miss him.”

“... silence, peasant.”

and yet another unexpected scenario happened: sharing a laugh with the god of mischief who wants to rule over your world like a second hitler. “... but you can’t show that, can you?” you questioned and he nodded right away, politely letting you finish despite already expecting that you’d ask that. 

when the cold air and the rustling leaves collided, it was time for you to ask him the question that might just change the entire situation.

“is everything all from the heart?” you asked, pointing towards your chest as you stated him down. “... are you saying all of this from the heart?”

it took loki a while before he accepted it; he did speak about all of it from the heart. all of it. no lies were told for once and it was chilling for him. he didn’t even know that he was capable of opening the doors to the secrets he’s kept locked and buried in but that was the effect of the midgardian sitting next to him; the human who made him realize why thor loved jane.

the human he was willing to rule and to love. “... if i asked you now, would you kiss me?”

and for some reason unknown, your lips did brush against his, caressing them softly while you brought your hands to the back of his head, tangling your fingers around his waved locks. maybe you had been caught up by the moment but for him, this was real. this was the moment he understood why thor wanted to protect this world.

because humans spoke from the heart. 

but how could he take everything back when the damage had been done? when the chaos had taken over?

he pulled away and asked with teary, glistening eyes, “what have you done? why did you do it?”

one thing about him was that his need was also his one and only fear; it was love. 

you were startled once again, still keeping your hands behind his head. was it a trick? was it some test? you didn’t know anymore. you were bound to do whatever it took to save your friends and if a kiss that you’ve been longing for could do it, then what else could go wrong?

well, things may have not gone wrong for you but to loki, this was his one and only wake-up call.

wake up, loki.

you’ve fallen for the human.

[comicaurora]

Out of curiosity, how far ahead are you on the comic? I mean, you must have it all planned and written out, but I imagine that you are drawing the future of Aurora even while we're reading it.

So is Arc 2 already illustrated and ready for upload while you're on like Arc 5 or something? I'm by no means undermining your need for a break; I'm shocked that you've been uploading continuously for over 4 years at this point. I'm just interested to know how long it takes a person to make something this great. And also if you change any details in the final edit?

Basically: what's the workflow like?

Also I think you low-key inspired me to pick up painting as a hobby. I'm ready to pour so much money into creating things that I know I'll hate. :)

God, arc 5? That's a very generous assessment of how fast I can draw!

Typically, when the comic is updating regularly, I keep a buffer of 10 to 20 completed pages. Right now, in the interest of taking a break, the buffer is 0 completed pages.

Chapter 1 of Arc 2 is completely storyboarded, meaning it's sketched out, the dialog is all mostly finalized barring last-minute rephrasements, etc. It can be read in its current form, it just looks unpretty. In fact, just for fun, here's a sneak peek!

In the next month I'll go through and finalize as many pages from this chapter as possible - which means locking down the panel borders, fleshing out the backgrounds, lining, shading, coloring, polish, etc. - which will be the process of building up a new buffer for when the comic starts back up again in January. During that time, I'll also be storyboarding Chapter 2 and as much of the following parts as I can manage.

I have the next several chapters and sub-arcs planned out in loose timelines - event A happens at location B leading to consequences C and D, stuff like that. Chapter 2, being the closest, is a little more fleshed-out, with a more detailed bullet-pointed timeline and various character ideas I've had that might or might not make it into the final version.

What exactly the chapter breakdown is going to look like is a little more complicated. Initially I'd planned for Chapter 1 to be low-stakes downtime and Chapter 2 to quickly kick off the high-octane adventure again, but when I started bullet-pointing out the stuff I wanted to do in Chapter 2, I ended up with a big pile of slower-paced character moments I thought were well worth exploring, so the runtimes might stretch a little.

Translating those brainstormed notes into storyboards and dialog is what I would classify as the "writing" part of this process. It happens at an erratic pace largely determined by the whims of whatever muse decides to get me in a headlock that day; sometimes I go weeks with no storyboarding progress, sometimes I hammer out fifteen pages in one day.

It's kinda like weaving, to me. The soon-to-be-arriving parts of the story are the most finalized, the most densely woven. A little ways beyond that, things get looser - some patterns may be locked down, but the actual work that'll hold it together hasn't been done yet. And in the far-flung future arcs, it's just the basic bones of the story and a pile of the threads I've planned to use. I know the shape of it, but in order for it to be fun and engaging for me to make it, I need to give myself room to be creative when I'm putting the whole thing together.

I actually have a file called the "Toolbox" that contains every random character or subplot idea I've had, and sometimes when I'm debating where to go with a chunk of story, I'll crack it open and scan through to see if anything jumps out begging to be used. Lotta fun stuff in there that may or may not ever see the light of day. Dropping stuff in the Toolbox is one of the most fun and freeing parts of the process for me!

[neverinsignificant]

How I Am Getting Myself Out of A Funk

This past month, I’ve been in a very terrible funk that has left me with overwhelming stress, an unregulated nervous system, feelings of discomfort (hopelessness, worthlessness, etc…), bloating and a bad case of imposter syndrome. I realize I’ve been wallowing in my own self pity and not taking care of myself the way I should, so I am being honest and admitting that I am scared as to what road my life may take if I do not improve where I know I can by taking the necessary steps. Here’s how I’m getting myself out of this funk:

• Taking my iron medication

I was prescribed medication for my iron deficiency anemia years ago and I haven’t been taking them due to my fear of swallowing pills. I use to let them dissolve in orange juice, but I grew to hate the taste and realized I wasn’t getting the full benefits by doing it this way. I have a complicated history with pills and I would like to get over it by learning & possibly speaking with a specialist who can help me get over my fear as iron has many benefits that would be beneficial to my body.

• Growing comfortable with my therapist

I recently started therapy and as much as I like my therapist, it has been hard to open up to them as much as I’d like. I know it’s because this is a new experience, but once I grow the courage to discuss some of the things I really want, I know my stress levels will decrease and mental health improve because I won’t have to worry about them anymore.

• Cultivating gratitude

I complain…. A lot because if it ain’t one thing, it’s another but by cultivating gratitude, I can practice to be more thankful of what I have and lessen my desire for more and negative thoughts. It will also lead me back to the path of my spiritual journey, which I seem to have slightly abandoned.

• Consume more water

I made a Habits I’m Not Waiting Until January to Implement post back in December where I said this same thing and I wasn’t consistent, but it’s never too late to do so now.

• Working out with positive intentions

Usually when I workout it has been with the intention to develop a certain body type, which lead to me closely examining and prodding at my body in the mirror, but as someone that comes from a family with people who develop physical health issues as they age, it’s important for me to workout simply to remain healthy, especially as I am still young with an able body. Develop stronger knees; hip mobility; straight posture, strength building.

• Breathwork + thought-stopping

This will go hand in hand with meditation. Simply saying “stop” to negative thinking doesn’t usually work for me, but what does is reframing the thoughts I’m having by making a positive light out of it or actively listing solutions. I don’t tend to be consistent with this, but I’ll try.

• Focus on my gut health

Lymphatic drainage by dry brushing, drinking peppermint tea, eating cleaner based foods, consume more fiber-rich foods, cut out gluten, eating more with smaller portions.

• Say “Girl, fuck you”

To people, emotions, circumstances. Simply dismissing the issue has sometimes helped, especially if they’re minor. Living in delusion isn’t always bad.

I’m not a “clean,” health and wellness guru, goop using (whatever tf that is), green juice drinking everyday girl and that’s okay. This is fairly new to me and I didn’t notice the severity of my health until I felt a sharp pain in my chest from stressing. I won’t fully immerge myself in this “aesthetic” as it isn’t in my interest to do so, but I will incorporate some of the habits to my benefits.

“Everyday the sun won’t shine, but that’s why I love tomorrow!” 🌟 -Glorilla

[deanbrainrotwritings]

— the politics of knife fighting

SUMMARY : tom tried to live a normal life after getting away from his hometown, but he should’ve known his little slice of heaven would go bad eventually. 

PAIRING : tom hanniger x fem!reader

CHARACTERS : emmeline kipling (OFC), klaus cassidy (OMC), donald white (OMC), gilly fawkes (OFC)

WARNINGS/TAGS : explicit(18+), angst, gore, blood, murder, DID (dissociative identity disorder), set after the events of MBV

WORD COUNT : 4.5k

A/N : title from jamies elsewhere song. this fills the on the run square on my @jacklesversebingo card. I listened to every MCR song to finish this 😭✋🏻

TOM’S POV

It was pretty morbid, if he thought about it too hard. 

You, getting so worked up after a funeral. 

To be fair, Gilly and Don weren’t even your friends anymore. In fact, there was an intense animosity between the three of you that reminded Tom of himself, Sarah, and Axel. 

Except it was much more complicated than that and you weren’t interested in dating Donald. It was more… a case of unrequited love, but much darker. Donald didn’t want you to have the choice to not be with him and Gilly hated you despite not wanting to be with Donald herself. 

Gilly and Don made your life hell for two whole years before he met you. 

He opened his eyes, his vision blurry. His head was pounding and something warm, soft, and wet slid across his face. 

He saw you, your face pinched in concern as you wiped his blood from the wounds you’d sewn up for him. 

“Hey, you’re okay,” he remembered your soft voice and reassuring smile, right before he passed out again.

That was the day he found out that Harry Warden hadn’t returned to get him, Harry Warden was a part of him and had done all those horrible things. The only good thing about it was that Harry had an interest in keeping him alive and got him out of the mine before he was found and arrested. 

When he came to, two days later, he was on the couch in your living room wearing new clothes—clothes Donald had left at your place and you wanted to get rid of. 

You let him stay, you respected that he didn’t want to share much about himself, and you allowed him to stay in your home until he was ready to make it on his own. Despite knowing nothing about him, you took care of him. But you did also threaten him by telling him your dad was an ex-Marine. He figured that’s the reason you knew how to properly stitch up a bullet wound.

After a few months of your arrangement, his temporary stay at your home became permanent. And he went from being a stranger to being your lover. 

Within months, miles away from his hometown, he finally felt like he’d established a sense of safety with you. He finally felt that his mind and his life had stabilised. The blackouts and the fear of Harry taking over his body reduced to nothing.

With your help, he was finally able to find a neurophysiologist who could treat him and help him with his condition. He confronted what was wrong with him while he was with you. 

Hell, he thinks he may have matured drastically since he’s known you. He used to be so arrogant and cowardly. 

You didn’t know the specifics about his past or his condition at first, but you seemed happy that he was getting help for whatever it was that was troubling him so profoundly. He started working through his trauma, who he was, what he wanted for himself—it was easier knowing you were back home waiting for him. 

He was finally able to share most of his past with you. Most of it. Because he just couldn’t bring himself to tell you his diagnosis or the fact that the bunkmate in his head was a murderer. 

It took a few years, but eventually, he was able to integrate those traumatic memories and he taught himself to not be afraid of Harry coming to ruin everything he’d built for himself.

He didn’t know if the medication was actually helping or if being far away from Harmony and Hanniger Mine made Harry Warden stay down and out of his way. 

He only knew that he was grateful to have met you.

You were gentle and patient with him. He felt that you understood him. Profoundly. Not knowing him as he was back then and not having expectations of him like everyone else back in Harmony did, it helped, too. 

He was getting to learn who he was on his own and you were part of that journey. The rediscovery of himself. 

You accepted him and all that he was, but he didn’t know if you’d still love him knowing there was someone else living inside him.

He pushed it to the back of his mind and focused on you and your wandering hands, but you caught him, once again, in the middle of his thoughts.

“Tommy, you okay?” You murmured against his jaw as you worked on loosening his black tie. He felt himself get warmer the lower your hands wandered and his heart pounded loudly in his chest when you got to his belt.

He smiled at you and buried his fingers in your hair to bring you up for a slow, long kiss. He finally felt you fumble for the first time, your fingers slowed at his belt, and you moaned into his mouth softly.

“Yeah, I was thinking about you,” he reassured you when he pulled away. His hands moved out of your hair, slowly sneaked up your warm thighs, and beneath the soft black dress you wore.

You gazed into his eyes and bit your lip. 

He could see your concern and your curiosity. He knew he appeared to be distracted these past couple of weeks, but especially today at the funeral for both Gilly and Donald. You asked him about it, but he would dismiss it, and you hesitantly accepted his response every time. 

He dreaded the day you found out the truth about him. 

But it seemed the universe believed he was asking too much for wanting to be happy with you.

He squeezed your bare hip beneath your dress, the absence of underwear excited him. You must have slipped them off in between kissing him senseless and pushing him into the couch you both currently rested on. He helped you get his belt off and kissed you passionately. 

You finally conceded and cupped his face to kiss him back with as much fervour, and successfully managed to ease his mind of his concern and amend the lack of control he was starting to feel again. 

READER’S POV

As you turned the corner into the street leading to your home, the sight of red and blue sirens instantly made your heart speed up.  

You hoped it wasn’t your home. That Tom was okay. That nothing happened to him. But those thoughts didn’t comfort you and your breathing picked up so that you almost felt your lungs burning.

You slowed your car as you drove closer to your home, the source of police cars. Your neighbours stared at you and murmured to each other and your stomach ached, nauseous.

You parked nearby with your hands trembling and managed to get out of the car without stumbling on your weak knees. Your eyes fell to police officers standing and talking around your house, but there was no ambulance in sight. 

“Please, please, please,” you murmured shakily. 

You pulled the yellow tape that kept you out over your head to enter your front lawn, and looked around for Tom, but he wasn’t outside with any of the police officers.

You hoped to talk to someone who might know something. Where’s Tom? 

“Miss, you’re Tom Hanniger’s girlfriend?” You recognised the woman’s voice behind you. 

See, usually, you’re not one to hold a grudge if things happened before the age of 14, but Emmeline Kipling went from being your middle school bully, to a bully of a police officer. Way to beat the stereotype. 

“Fiancée,” you muttered before you turned to face her. “What’s happened? Where’s Tom?”

“He’s wanted for the murder of Donald White and Gilly Fawkes,” she answered bluntly. Your mouth dropped open and you blinked at her. You shook your head and looked away from her, stared intently at your home, and wondered why or how it was possible that you could’ve missed this. 

“No, he wouldn’t do that, that’s-that’s not-”

“We’ve got the evidence to back it up,” she interrupted you, laying her hand on your arm instinctively. God, can everything just stop? “We found the murder weapon and his clothes with Don and Gilly’s blood in your basement.” 

Tears stung your eyes, but it wasn’t because you felt bad about what happened to Gilly and Don. They had it coming. You were afraid of what would happen to Tom if they found him. Would they shoot him on sight? Would he be sent to his death if they captured him alive?

“You’re playing detective now? I mean.. it could be… mine, for all you know,” you rambled nervously, stepping away from her touch as your knees became wobbly.

“No, it’s mining clothes in his size and we’ve taken the murder weapon to check the prints. We both know you don’t have a bone in your body that could hurt a fly,” she smiled at you, but you sensed some malice in her tone. Did she forget that you choked her for physically abusing your other friend? You wanted to do it again. Your fists clenched along with your jaw, but you stopped yourself from making a move. “Did you know about his past in Harmony? He was wanted for nine murders there… They thought he was dead… until now…” she watched you but you remained as calm as you could possibly be with the information she dumped on you. “If you know where he is, tell us… you know, this case will help me get to detective.”

You laughed in disbelief and blinked your tears away. “Well, then, I hope you don’t catch him.” 

“I don’t like you either, but it doesn’t change the fact that your… fiancé is a bad person. Worst of all, a murderer.”

“He’s not a bad… He-”

“I’ve dealt with plenty of cases like these. Most people who’ve lived with evil always tell me the same thing: He never could, never would. That’s not possible. He’s so good to me. But they always find out that they’re wrong in the worst way possible. And it looks like you know nothing about Harmony. There are witnesses. He’s the guy.”

You looked around silently at your neighbours and wondered if they’d already heard about Tom. That he was a murderer. Could he be? Could he really be the one that did it?

“We’ve found an address for a cabin, Emmy,” an officer took the silence between the two of you as a go. He looked at you with empathetic eyes and a comforting smile. You tried to return it, but it was an awful lot of work, especially after hearing about your aunt’s cabin. 

Tom offered to help you clean it up for her.

You hated your aunt for the way she treated your mom… but he’d been adamant about it for weeks after you vented to him about her audacity. How could she ask you for anything after the way she treated your mother? 

Emmeline took the paper from the officer to read it.

You stared at the torn paper that was once stuck to your fridge with a magnet containing the location. You should’ve just put “cabin”, but Tom occasionally went alone after he convinced you to stay home and relax. 

You always wondered why he was so interested in getting it cleaned for her.

“Could he be there?” Emmeline broke your train of thought. Barley.

“I… I don’t know,” you lied and shrugged. Being overwhelmed helped you cover whatever your tell was, that’s all you knew for sure. For all you know, Tom was up there… 

How could he hide this from you? How could you be so blind? Were there signs that you missed? Why were you helping him?

“Let’s check it out,” she told him anyway. He nodded and paused for a moment when he looked at you, but he changed his mind and left. Emmeline did the same and followed him after shoving the piece of paper into her pocket.

“Wait!” You turned to follow her to the car her partner was getting into. “Let me come.” Emmeline turned around and hesitated. “You owe me for that fake-ass apology you gave for how cruel you were.”

“You’re not gonna let that go?” She chuckled. You narrowed your eyes. 

“Don’t act like you don’t victimise yourself to this day for what I did to you after all the torture you put me through. I’ve heard plenty from your fellow officers who know better than to believe your lies…”

“Fine,” she replied begrudgingly and rolled her eyes at you. You resisted the urge to hit her with your clenched fist and opened the door to get into the back.

You had a hard time believing that Tom could actually murder Gilly and Don. He was always so gentle and loving. Soft. Quiet. Kind.

Was that only for you? 

Was it an act? A cover for his real life as a murderer?

You imagined: if he did do it. Would that change anything? Would you love him less? And those people he supposedly murdered in Harmony. Were they innocent? Were you actually thinking this? You felt awful, but part of you needed to believe that he had a good reason for committing murder. 

He can’t be a bad man. He can’t be. 

It was hard for you to believe it. So damn hard, but you knew him. He had problems he didn’t talk about with you completely. If he had some sort of breakdown, he just needed help and you weren’t giving up on him. 

You don’t know how long you were in your thoughts. Or how much time you spent thinking of a way to get Tom to safety. To think of words that would convince Tom to stand down if he was still out of his depth. Or to think of words that would convince Emmeline and her partner to stand down. 

The car came to a stop as the sun began to set behind deep green trees. They reminded you of Tom’s eyes. The wheels crunched on the dirt and twigs, and then there was complete silence as Emmeline looked around from inside the car.

She was afraid. 

You hoped that wouldn’t make her do something stupid that would put Tom’s life in danger. 

“Stay here with her,” Emmeline told her partner after a few moments. She inhaled deeply and exhaled before opening the car. 

“Um… okay?” He looked back at you, leaned forward to shout, “shouldn’t we call for backup first and wait?” Emmeline stopped for a beat or two.

“No, I don’t think he’s armed,” she reassured him. When she smiled at you, it made you nervous. Something was off…

“But you don’t actually know… that…” he trailed off after she slammed the door on him. He turned to you and you couldn’t help smiling nervously at him. He didn’t seem too bad. “I'm, uh… Klaus Cassidy,” he offered, but your mind instantly drifted off to Tom.

You didn’t trust Emmeline for a second. You could just be paranoid because she was an awful person, but you were done with making excuses for people. You had to trust your gut.

Just like you should’ve trusted your gut and done something to help Tom. He had been so jumpy, on edge, and distant ever since Gilly and Don’s death were announced on the news. 

You really thought he was doing well in therapy.

“I… I need some air,” you whispered shakily.

“Yeah, okay,” Kalus frowned at you. 

You stepped out of the car to breathe in the crisp air of nature. Silence. Branches. Animals in the distance. Peace and space. You couldn’t stand being trapped in the car anymore.

Klaus made his way around the car and stood close to you. Protectively. You saw his gun, his nervousness. It was a quick thought, but you knew you probably wouldn’t get another chance. 

“Klaus,” you felt guilty and genuinely bad, but you needed to do something about Tom. Klaus turned to look at you and you didn’t think twice about hitting him square in the jaw like your dad taught you. 

He fell to the ground and you apologised to his unconscious body. You opened the car, quickly rummaged through the glove compartment where you found some surgical gloves. 

You put them on and apologised once more as you took Klaus’ gun and legged it in the direction of the cabin. You knew this place better than Emmeline did, you just hoped you’d make it to Tom before she could hurt him.

TOM’S POV

He wasn’t quite used to this sensation. 

Seeing himself outside of his body, something else… someone else using it to move around, it was horrible.

He shouted, begged, and just about did everything he could think of to regain control, but Harry didn’t give his body up.

Harry didn’t speak to him.

All he could do was watch as Harry put a new disguise on. A clean, black miner’s uniform. He could smell the newness, the softener that reminded him of you. But there was the old gas mask on his face again, filled with the hellish stench of sweat, dust, dried blood, and firesmoke.

From inside the cabin, staring out the window as he cursed and swore at Harry, all he could do was watch as some police officer approached. Harry grabbed an axe he found lying around, his gloves squeaked slightly with his tightened grip. 

Harry was excited at the sight of her with her gun and flashlight pointed in his direction.

We’re not immortal, dammit!

“Tom Hanniger!” She shouted at him, but Harry tilted his head indifferently. “Put the axe down or I’ll shoot you.” 

She fired at the cabin, the bullet hit the wooden wall close to the window he was staring out of. He flinched, forgetting that he technically wasn’t inside the cabin. 

Harry angrily put the axe in one hand and held it stiffly in the middle. He breathed through the mask, deeply inhaled, a long exhale. Completely calm, which was not the way he was feeling about adding another person to the list of people… he’s… killed.

“That was a warning shot, Tom! Put it down now, I won’t miss you next time!”

Rustling within the trees made the police officer lower her gun and turn slightly to the source. Her guard was down and he felt like he could breathe again, but unfortunately, Harry began to charge menacingly towards her.

“Klaus?” She turned her flashlight in the direction of the sound of what could only be something getting thrown onto the ground and skipping across a few times before stopping. 

“Tom?” 

No. 

God, no, not you. Not here, not now. Not like this. 

Your voice called out from a completely different direction, but he looked opposite to where the police officer faced. At least it was enough to bring him back to himself. You. Your voice calling his name.

He murmured your name and released the breath that began to make him feel lightheaded. His grip loosened on the axe, but he didn’t let go of it completely. 

He could see you faintly as you stepped out from the thick trees. He stepped towards your voice and the police officer turned in your direction, sadly for her. Her gun was ready, her flashlight lit you up like the beautiful star you were. 

“Tommy, please don’t make things worse for yourself. Put the axe down, please,” you tried to speak calmly, but he could hear the tremble in your voice as you walked the rest of the way towards him. 

His eyes fell over your body. Your work clothes, uncomfortable heels, and surgical gloves loose on your hands. You were vulnerable, unarmed in the middle of a gunfight. The police officer lowered her gun again after a moment of hesitation as she watched the events unfold. 

He’d completely forgotten that you’d eventually catch wind of it all. Of what he was accused of… of what he’d done. He just never expected you to do this, to involve yourself with his other side. 

“Tom… what did you do?” You asked quietly. He could only feel the warmth of your hand seep through the glove and the mask. Your fingers gently threaded into his hair and your other hand took the axe from him.

All he could do was say your name, his voice cracked with his heart at the sight of your tears. All your dreams shattering, your hopes, your future together. From shards, to dust. Irreparable.

He felt the police officer taking his wrists carefully to place the cuffs on him. He struggled for a moment, wishing he’d gotten to touch your face one last time, to kiss you, to take the costume off and feel you for the last time. 

“Don’t do that!” You tried to stop her, subsequently dropping the axe on the ground.

She relented briefly before coming to her senses. “I have to arrest him and take him in.” 

You pushed her away and the cuffs fell to the ground with a clink against the axe. You rubbed your eyes with the back of your hands and Tom took the chance to remove the gas mask and finally took a deep breath outside of the suffocating mask underneath it. 

“Please, baby.” He grabbed your arms, hoping to calm you down, but you moved away from him. 

“Don’t move, Tom!”

“God! Shut up and let me think, Em!” You shouted in frustration.

“There’s nothing to think about!” She argued with you, getting down to retrieve the cuffs, but you kicked them away. She instantly stood up straight and pulled her gun on you, cocked and ready. Tom stepped in front of you protectively. She looked between you and him for a moment, then laughed dryly. “You’re working with him! Aren’t you? Yeah! You wanted him… no, you told him to kill them for you, didn’t you?”

“What? No! That’s not true!”

“Doesn’t matter,” she smiled and shrugged. “I can just say that you admitted it. You told him to kill Gil and Don for you. Then, you attacked me once we got here. I defended myself and shot you and you died. I’ve been looking for a way to get rid of you ever since-”

You lifted Klaus’ gun and fired it, the bullet flew straight through her forehead before she could speak another word. Tom flinched and gasped in shock, he opened his eyes once her body hit the dirt. 

He stared in disbelief and horror at the hole in the police officer’s forehead, the light spatter of blood from the entry wound. Her eyes were opened to the sky, dead as the stars above. 

He heard you moving around him and saw you put her cuffs back in her pocket. He couldn’t believe you did that. No second thought, no hesitation. And you knew her. Em—that's what you called her.

“Tom!” You shouted at him desperately. “Come on, Tommy. We-we have to get to my dad’s place.” The tremble in your voice reminded him that you were quite shaken up after all. 

“I thought you didn’t talk to him anymore,” he commented distractedly, hoping to hide his distress. But he could tell, now that you took him by his hand, that you weren’t as put together as he imagined. 

He felt the weight of the axe in his other hand and wondered how it got there. He didn’t care. He just watched you lead the way as he tried to collect himself, but he couldn’t do it without giving Harry control. He pushed away his distraught and squeezed your hand.

“Well, no, but I’m still his daughter and he’s not going to let anything bad happen to me.” He remained quiet and suddenly he stood in front of a cop car where you planted the gun on an unconscious officer. 

You apologised to the man and removed your gloves, but shoved them into your dress pants. He watched you wipe your hands on your shirt as if somehow the blood got on you. You did it multiple times as you multitasked: hid your footprints and walked in the direction away from the cop car. 

This was such a mess. 

He didn’t want this for you. 

He didn’t want this for himself. 

He deflated. He let your hand go and stood a few metres away from the road, defeated. “Why are you doing this? Just leave me, I’ll-”

“I can’t!” You frowned at him and took his hand in your once more. Your beautiful wide eyes full of fear and love made his heart wrench. “Okay? I… I love you too much to just leave you alone with all of… this. You’d do the same for me, wouldn’t you?”

“I guess I already did something stupid…” he murmured, dropping the axe to hold your waist and pull your body flush with his. You were also angry— it seemed, because you crossed your arms and glared at him. 

“Yes! You did! You absolute… melon!” He felt bad for laughing at that, but you looked so cute when you angrily shoved him away. “God, Tommy! What were you thinking?!” You tangled your fingers in your hair, overwhelmed, frustrated, and confused. 

He took your hands and brought you in for a comforting embrace, hoping to somehow calm you down. He kissed your hairline and you slowly softened in his arms. He felt you cling tightly to the back of the miner’s uniform he wore. 

“You had to see them every day. After what they both did to you- I don’t know, I’m having a hard time feeling sorry that they were… that I…” 

“How did this happen? Why did you do that? Tommy… you’re such an idiot,” you whispered. He pulled away just to cup your face in his calloused hands. He kissed you once, then a second time, and on the third try, you finally kissed him back. 

“It wasn’t… me… it was, but it wasn’t. It’s hard to explain, actually,” he laughed wryly and breathed against your lips. You shivered and kissed him firmly. He wanted to drown in you, to be covered in your stars and your heart and your body. 

His entire body lit up and turned hot like an overpowered bulb about to burst. 

You pulled away from his lips just in time and he pressed his forehead against yours. “Let’s just get out of here and talk about it outside of these creepy fucking woods.” 

You wrapped your arms around yourself, making you way deeper into the forest. He quickly picked the axe up again and made his way to you, nervous, but ready to face whatever the future may be like on the run with you. 

“It can’t be that creepy here,” he smiled hesitantly. You rolled your eyes at him about to argue your case to demonstrate why the woods were scary. “We fucked against that tree over there after you thought I got us lost.” 

He pointed across to where a red ribbon was wrapped around a tree. He did that to remember you whenever or if he ever found himself in this part of the woods. 

You stopped dead in your tracks with your mouth agape. He joined you and smiled shyly when you smiled at him in surprise. “Shut up,” you couldn’t help laughing. 

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