#also im sorry if this doesnt make sense im. not eloquent

[seariii]

Hi Seari 😭 sorry to flood your ask box again lol, but I just wanted to let you know how I appreciate how appreciative you are if that makes sense? You always take the time to thank everyone frequently, you’re eloquent with your words, and you just have this air of gratitude with you where ever you go. And I really admire that about you <3 I want to strive to personally work on that because it’s difficult for my brain to comprehend those kinds of things for myself, so I wanted to let you know how you’ve inspired me to work towards that <3 ilu and thank you so much for being you

aw rose.... this made me really soft.... i love you a lot, really. and dont apologize, you can flood my ask box with more than 20 questions/messages a day and i'll be extremely happy

serious talk for a little bit hahaha... ill put it under the cut because i started rambling and got a bit long.... YOU DONT HAVE TO READ ALL THAT OKAY???? just the last paragraph, thats a message for you

tldr of the serious talk under the cut: Unknown Mother Goose by Wowaka (i also really liked this adaptation) "Even if the world were to reject me today, would i still be able to sing a song of love?"

i never really thought about that, you know? i enjoy telling people how i feel about them, especially to people i love. and im thinking for how long have i done this... when did i start... im not entirely sure... i can go far back when i barely did it, but did it every once in a while like a birthday or when i started to notice the people around me werent giving up on me... and i can go back relatively recently where this feelings landed me in a kind community during covid...

in all honesty, i believe this feelings of gratefulness, of having to express them come from being scared of losing people... come from a lonely place... when you feel cold or have felt cold for so long that you dont remember much warmth, when you find that warmth its soft, gentle, and a little overwhelming... i have many problems connecting with people, and in my own brain, sometimes i feel like im all alone in the world... but... people are warm... people are kind... you, them, make it feel like maybe the entities around me arent just faceless shadows...

i joke with my bestie about how we are that meme of "nothing in life matters" but im the happy one and hes the existential one, but a lot of time i truly feel like that. and from that, makes it easier to enjoy the little sweet stuff, the sweetness of the people around me... and its impressive when i notice that sometimes it doesnt have any reason behind it, or that the reason is just love... its like my brain cant comprehend others doing stuff out of love for the world, so i always get surprised when someone does it for me (and oh boy have i been surprised to tears with you all pretty people)... i think life is a little silly and there isnt much meaning, but that gives us freedom... and that makes everything a person does beautiful...

... you know rose? thank you. i feel like im about to cry hahahahaha /pos ... thank you for always being so kind, so sweet to me, you make me feel like things are okay, and it genuinely makes me happy to see you or interact or talk with you. it made me really happy that you wanted to include me in the conversation, in the group. im someone who feels lonely easily, and the kindness you've shown me has really made me happy and... i really appreciate it... sometimes i say i dont have the words and still try to express myself, because i want to make my message get across... like right now in this paragraph hahaha.... you are someone who i really really appreciate and i just wish to see you happy and achieve everything you want. just know that no matter what, ill be rooting for you, you truly deserve everything in this world, thats how i feel.... im thankful and moved that i inspired you... i never thought id have that effect on people... thank you

[basketcasemp3]

In the context of Kevin Can F Himself would you say that Raymond as this emotionally broken man who can’t escape his abusive family and just as much a victim as Debra? And for King of Queens Carrie is caught between her father and husband neither which she can truly escape from until both of them die?

honestly i dont think theyre really that comparable other than a character being caught between a spouse and their parent. like. for context i havent seen an entire episode of king of queens and i will die having never seen an entire episode of king of queens. but i dont see raymond as a tragic figure or someone whos emotionally traumatized by his mother because his mother only ever goes after debra. from what ive seen of everybody loves raymond, marie (the mother) is toxic to raymond & his family in the context of being obsessed with him and thinking no one will ever be good enough for him, and by way of that, puts all of her anger into how she treats debra. Which is why debra is the "tragic figure" (in comparison to kcfh) because her mother in law treats her like garbage every time they talk and raymond doesnt do much in the way of defending her (sometimes he does, sometimes he doesnt. but marie always has the last word). I think theres definitely an argument in which a genre-shift could show that raymond is traumatized by marie's obsession with him (and there are definitely horror movies to prove that) but for what the show itself is, you definitely feel more sympathy towards debra constantly fighting a losing battle in which raymond usually says "it is what it is" and tries to move on. i think theres a lesson to be learned from raymond & marie about the toxicity of mothers feeling ownership over their kids, but thats not really something kcfh goes into at all so it doesnt really apply in this context

again, i won't speak on king of queens because i have absolutely no idea what goes on in that show but. i think the reason that kcfh himself directly references and parodies kevin james shows is because of the huge male egos that dominate the female characters lives. i imagine king of queens is a lot of the husband saying "i know best" and the dad saying "no i know best" with the wife having as much input as "you two are annoying" or "men! cant live with them cant live without them". so looking at it from the kcfh writers pov, you can see they view both debra and carrie as women who don't have much agency in their relationships or their lives due to all/mostly male writers rooms who want to use women as a punchline or part of the obstacle, not part of the story

[undercoverangell]

thinking about pok lives and goes on spring break au heres everything in my brain atm

Pok gets enough money working for the government to get a new house so they no longer live in an apartment and instead are in like a nice lil 2 bedroom 2 bathroom house and the bad kids come over freshman year bc riz is like "oh my dad should know something about these palimpsets i feel like he'd know about them" and he's not of much use but like. to give yall some perspective on how i imagine pok in this au he's like this goblin w huge scars covering him who is like?? kinda athletic?? and he is also still a spy and still goes on missions so when they first meet him hes in this fairly nice house in like a button up and cardigan w plaid pants and has his hair like tied back (bc i think he would grow it out) in a low ponytail drinking coffee. and they've never met Riz's dad but suddenly just everything about Riz makes sense this guy is his fucking dad?? and he works for the government as an accountant?? dude this guy is cool as hell wtf.

He's just very eloquently spoken and seems to know a lot about things accountants shouldn't care about (why did riz send us to his accountant dad to look at a palimpsest why would his dad know anything about this?) and so thus begins the convincing riz who knows what his dad does that his dad is in the mafia.

also doesnt help that they do have a thing in the gukgak household about bringing new people directly to the house bc obviously pok does have a bunch of like secret rooms and drawers in the home and so the very first thing he says around them is "Kid you know how i feel about strangers in the home" and riz just goes "yeah yeah sorry i know we can meet at Basrar's or something next time-" "okay well im assuming its an emergency or something important if you brought 5 people over that i've never even met so what's up?" and its immediately weird bc... wtf.. hi ig??

"dude like why is he so like ..... that. like?? dude hes not an accountant i know that at least." "guys my dad is just some dude who works in accounting hes not a member of the mafia" "the ball im so sorry your dad has been lying to you he is a member of the mafia. does your mom know?" "i dont know?? probably??" "poor woman..." "oh my god"

theyre all so confused as to why he is so casual not knowing that like since he was 13 riz has known his dad is a spy and does missions and stuff and everytime they see pok literally just getting a coffee they confront him immediately even if riz is there

"so mr.ball....whats in that coffee???"

"vanilla. some cream and milk."

"theres no mafia secrets????"

"no. i got it with two shots of espresso."

"....weird....."

"if you want me to buy you a coffee you can just ask like a normal person."

"i dont need your MAFIA COFFEE....."

"okay, the coffee here is really good though."

".....maybe i would like just a small coffee with two shots of vanilla."

**hands them 10 bucks** "go ahead."

obv pok cant just tell his sons friends he barely knows that hes a spy so he just continually insists that he "works for the department of foreign affairs as an accountant. i work in accounting kids. thats it." and they all get it HORRIBLY WRONG and are like "oh yeah kalvaxis rlly wanted to eat an accountant JUST SAY UR A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA AND GO KINDA SUSPICIOUS THATS UR WIFES A COP ARE U TRYING TO MANAGE THE POWER SYSTEM SO U CAN GET AWAY W UR CRIMES???" and he just straight up "....YEAH IM A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA! YEAH U GOT IT RIGHT. IM A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA." and riz finds it fucking hilarious bc as hes busting out laughing his dad is going "riz the mafia is serious business u know this idk why ur laughing about it : (" and the bad kids think theyve cracked the case!! theyve done it!! (they have not!)

pok and garthy know eachother very well bc pok has been sent on numerous missions to Leviathan and so there's like little hints as to what pok does "oh you're still working for the department of foreign affairs! you been moved out of accounting yet?" and the bad kids are like "garthy he works for the mafia. sorry we had to break it to you...." and garthy who knows for a fact pok is not in the mafia just goes "....oh?? the mafia?? that's new! i cant imagine the wife likes that very much!"

Pok and Riz have a little moment in Leviathan where they just sit and talk and Pok assures Riz that he's cool and his friends like him and that he wouldve kill to be as cool as riz is when he was his age. Riz falls asleep on Pok and his dad is just glad hes getting some rest. he also sees the tattoos and goes "if your mom asks you got those when i was asleep and i didnt know."

He absolutely hates fallinel but hes been there on so many missions he is just used to high elves and their bs. "Ah.... Pook GikGuk..." "Mhmm. you got it right buddy." While there he just constantly looks so done with just about everything bc he has seen this place so many times there is like no "ooo new place!" value in it is literally just "yep. high elves and their high elven shit." he tells riz if he ever becomes a spy (which he definitely would btw i will die on the secret agent riz hill) to just. get used to this bc he is going to have to deal with this a lot.

In the nightmare forest he finally is like "guys im not apart of the mafia im a spy. i dont work in accounting lol u think my wife would marry some fucking accountant when shes as cool as she is??" and they're like "???? but... u admitted... u were in the mafia.. why would u lie..." "im a spy i literally lie for a living also i barely knew you guys except when you would come over to our house sometimes and stare at me suspiciously while I scrolled through twitter on my laptop" "MAYBE U WERE LOOKING AT UR MAFIA MEMBERS TWITTER" "WHY ON EARTH WOULD MAFIA MEMBERS HAVE TWITTER" "I DONT KNOW?? THEY WANNA LOOK AT MEMES!"

everything for this au is under the "pok lives au" tag bc i have. so many ideas. i am more than willing to take drawing ideas for this please ask me about this au (srs)

[whirlibirdy]

Wait I'm sorry Heisenbers might he a what now????

Yeah theres this big discourse about whether or not hes a nazi right now because he wears specific WWII era dog tags The main argument I see right now is “he probably just found the dog tags” and “It doesnt make sense for him to be a nazi because he never left the village so he could have never participated in the war as a nazi” but like, you dont have to have participated to be a nazi i mean just look at the alt right. not to mention, he names a lot of stuff after german shit which in itself isnt bad but its sketchy when you put it all together. this is hard to explain without getting into spoilers but if you want my theory on it all I think hes basically a “WWII fanboy”. I think it makes sense if you think he just found the dog tags, it also makes more sense as to why he would give german names to a lot of things (and people i think?). I know theres a ton of people who get really into wars and war vehicles and all that, but theres an extra layer of suspicion when guys are so invested in WWII specifically.  but it also feels kinda weird to imagine that capcom would just subtly slide a nazi character into a modern game and just not point it out or really.. mention it? i dunno. Im not the most into resident evil tbh so i dont know how it is with previous games. im not the most eloquent about this but, i dunno. its sketchy. and its sketchy how hard people are denying and defending this.

[kaonite]

Can we hear about your Misraaks headcanons pls?

hahahaaha ahah okay so this turned more into picking him apart rather than headcanons but i mixed them in there ::3 (im so sorry, i cannot be coherent at all and gushed profusely. i promise my writing is way different than the way i type this out.)

for some reason it wont let me add tags??? so i hope no one is upset by that!

-misraaks doesnt know how to be 'normal' per say, barring the fact he IS an alien(this goes with my super personal headcanon that the wolves just breed some ODD eliksni. 110% there’s something SUPER up with the wolves (or gentle weavers) as a whole. there's something in the ether turning the wolves into human simps) and is just a weird guy? Who 'turns their back' on their own without being a little fucking odd? i mean if i saw a almost 7ft tall lady and she dragged me away from my attempted suicide (thats some baggage already) and offered peace in a my cultures way id rethink my ideals too (theres more to it i know but humor me!) Also unlearning ALL you've been taught was rough and trying but he was a young mind and to be honest... that's probably for the best (no doubt sjur did use him against the wolves but i really feel their friendship was genuine, full of a lot of love and respect after he stopped being an angsty vandal with unresolved mommy issues)

-he puts on this show of being strong and unyielding but if he trusts you he just crumbles and is bare to the bone about everything. misraaks isn't afraid of being honest per say, he may come off brash but he's just telling it like it is... no sense in beating around the bush. he's not an asshole but being raised the way he was uh... some tact had be learned. 

-no no no it's not bc his mother may have been strict and terrifying to some degree so he has to be the strongest  or he feels he'll fail everyone he knows. so when someone breaks down his walls he's just a soft, sappy individual who just wants everyone to have a peaceful life together while trying to be strong for everyone else at his own mental expense. hes so passionate, charismatic and driven even with all the odds stacked against him, the fucking STRENGTH in that. (DREG STRENGTH GO! even tho he's not a dreg u get my meaning, everyone so far has deemed him as such) what a king! ❤ (praksis u call him foolish again i'll break every one of the generators in your lab)

-brings me to my next headcanon that the nightmare in the moon, horkis? Is his mother and all the teachings that she and others brought upon him as a child up until meeting sjur concentrated into one being. that if he doesn't bleed for the cause, die for the cause, then he has failed his people.  OOPS! IT'S ALL DEEP SEATED TRAUMA! 

-also headcanon she was the one to dock him? to make it extra good when he thinks back on her in the misraaks lore tab 

(I normally don't slander moms bc damn if anyone slandered my mom id throw hands but bungie gave me the scraps and im working with them and misraaks seemed like he had a pretty standard, though super strict, upbringing ::) )

-he appears haughty, self-assured and a bit cold though that's just how he projects himself... he's not actually that way? I mean, hes pretty calm and collected. he expresses a deep  loyalty and love for Sjur and cares for his fireteam immensely. He trusted his fireteam enough to take them to her resting place, how is that not vulnerability we otherwise don't really see? 

He'd throw down for his friends and loved ones because that's just how Eliksni ARE. kin is everything, even friends. he just has a different way of showing it. 

-misraaks... okay i have to say he's into poetry, or talking poetically. the way he speaks is almost... romantic (not in a bad or spicy way!) i just know that boy really SPEAKS in such an eloquent, thoughtful sense. there's a lot of meaning and love in his words. he doesn't just SAY things to fill the silence. every word has a meaning, a purpose. i love that about him. 

-okay maybe i headcanon his fireteam being all around goofballs with him at times of respite, softening out his sharp edges. making him loosen up and enjoy the little things in life rather than worrying about the bigger picture. (bungie where's that getting drunk with his fireteam lore tab? i would like to see it. you have it with the yw and crow... it's the least you could do for the misraaks stans...) i just feel its hard for him to sit and do nothing, just to fool around, be a "normal person" due to the fact his whole life up to his moment of wanting to create house light has been death and war. He was MADE for war. it'd be hard for him to adjust to a 'happier' existence without a little prodding

-he doesn't care about glory, or is doing what he does for selfish gain. he genuinely just wants to help, to create peace. so if anyone approached him with the kell of kells title he'd promptly tell them to shove it (sorry misraaks... you're in the same boat with the young wolf... you can't escape your destiny)

-can we talk about how much misraaks unlearned from sjur then YEARS later is with dusk, meets the young wolf (that annoying bastard of a guardian! :) ), they spare him then it seems like something unlocks in him. like we were the final catalyst to his dreams being real. no longer did he want to be canon fodder, or use his crew as such, he wanted to lead... to be better, to do better for his people along the guardians. maybe he could be better than just another solider dying for a cause they didn't even know at that point. he could be everything his kind rallied against and be GREATER than he was taught to be , not stepping on those deemed less than him. his MIND 

-can i just shoehorn something in real quick. I don't believe he'd practice docking after everything. I just can't see it and i always see him having trauma around docking so why would he wish that on others as a treatment under his kellship? It took him A LONG ASS TIME to unlearn how fucked up it is and how their society as whole is (ie. he literally fantasized about his mother docking him. how is that not absolutely insane to hear?)  also it'd be useless at this point, he'd need people at their prime, not missing two arms for an old, unnecessary dark practice. he doesn’t want people to fear him, if your people fear you are you truly a leader?

*cuts this ask open with a knife and lets loose a character interpretation more than headcanons* OOPS

am i projecting? maybe but bungie gave me crumbs and i am going to use them

im holding back a bunch of thoughts bc most of them center around much more personal headcanons bc this is my emotional support eliksni :') plus ive written so much already im pretty sure you all think im insane.

If anyone has anything to add feel free! Id love to hear it, you may have some ideas/headcanons/interpretations i didn't list or i never though of! of course... most of this is projecting, who doesn't do that to their fave?

and honestly, i am so open to talking about him in depth, if you want to, shoot me a message! I'll get to it! :3

[survivorbehemoth]

Episode 15: "congrats daisy for winning season 7 of celestial: behemoth!” - Jules

congrats daisy for winning season 7 of celestial: behemoth!

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JIOFEOJIFEWOJIWOJI THAT SOUNDS SO BITTER BUT DYLAN SIR U HANDED HER THE GAME! HANDED IT TO HER! GOD! and its what she deserves!

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anyways. let it be known this was NOT MY FAULT.

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let the record show, before last night's tribal, I SAID SOMETHING WAS NOT SITTING RIGHT WITH MY SPIRIT!!!!!!!!!! AND???? what happened. look what happened.

Vocaroo

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still practicing my slide puzzles WJIJIEFIJWJIFIFWJEJWIEEJWIF

OH MY GOD I HATE THIS GAME I HATE THIS GAME I HATE THIS GAME!!!

this final 4 is absolutely amazing and i literally love all of them so much, but that just makes things 10x worse. i think that playing my idol on daisy was a huge risk and the fact that it is now a final 2 makes things a bit more interesting. my ideal plan was to have daisy in the final 4 with me so that i wouldnt be the next target, but now that she won immunity it just didnt work out how i intended at all!!

voting out jules and szymon is purely going to come down to which one of them will sway my way and it's going to hurt to send one of them to jury no matter what, but i just feel like i came all this way and not making top 3 would just suck so badly. so yeah, this sucks. i hate that no matter what i do im going to be upsetting people and hurting feelings but... i guess that's just the game! at this point im not even sure if i can win against daisy but it seems like she will take me, it just depends on whether or not i stay loyal to her if i win FIC or if i take whoever is with me in final 3.

much to think about, BUT I JUST CANT BELIEVE I MADE IT THIS FAR !!!!

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Jules is voted out 3-1. She becomes the 8th member of our jury.

Watch the Cast Assessment take place below:

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Szymon is voted out by Daisy. He becomes the final member of our jury.

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idk thought this would be cute to include my voting log and stuff hehe <3 https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1RiA0RUWX4TRpqBTgRzLJJ3fHu2jBqZ-bCJozFd3HcRs/edit?usp=sharing

Jules: https://youtu.be/6zKeJuOJKeY 

https://youtu.be/5dV_-X6Rv2U

https://youtu.be/N5tnq-4QAT8

someone (zach) asked me to rank the jurors from nicest to meanest...so here we go. ily all <3 <3

1. seamus (this will def come as a surprise, but seamus was the most levelheaded and nice one on the jury. he really never made a bitter comment even though he had every right to, especially at me/daisy/dylan and really anyone who was in after him except chips. like. he was the only person to reach out in pms after and it was immediate, he really comforted me and i really admire men who can have like good relationship w/ women that are platonic??? i know he's been like terrible in the past and i did call him on some stuff in hydravivor and ill be the FIRST to admit that i called him a crackhead on a daily basis but i think he's grown a lot!!!!!! idk. i think he's also the MOST self aware!!!! im a seamus stan, what about it?)

2. brandan (while brandan was kinda irrelevant game wise this season -- but not in our hearts -- he was very objective and a peacemaker. he had good reason to be MIA too so the fact that he got as far as he did means to me that he did form some strong social connections. and he did!!! with me, i think w/ conor, so idk, he had a role like i did in the game imo. i really liked him and he really brought a fresh perspective on things!!!)

3. szymon (he's only not ranked higher bc he's pissed off rob and he stands his ground a lot more outwardly than the first two, at least in the jury chat. also he's not had as much time as a juror. but even then, i think szymon is not a bad guy like some of the ppl make him out to be. like, idk, i think he made a mistake on a game level and he even admitted it and idk he's a legend. truly. im so glad to have met him and i think he was a really nice juror to have around while he was ACTUALLY around bc he stood up for me/daisy the way seamus did)

4. lovelis (lovelis makes some pointed comments but.....he's not dumb at all and so i don't think he's been bitter. also his pointed comments have been funny and mostly radiating the energy of the other Bitter Jurors so idk. i really like him on a personal level as well and have for a while so idk. i dont KNOW KNOW him but he's never been the type to make harsh comments without them having some merit to them. so i kinda trust his judgement even though he wasnt in the game long/an early merge boot. idk i think he's open minded enough and he's also someone who admits when he's done a Lil Too Much but he's really lovely. just competitive.)

5. chips (i dont think chips is MEAN per se, in fact, i dont think he has a mean bone in his body on a personal level. like WFIJFJIFWE I DONT KNOW HOW ELSE TO SAY IT HES SO FUCKING NICE!!!!!!! but thats why it's so funny to see him in games bc he's a lil lying, a lil backstabby and sometimes he's a lil passive aggressive. but its not undeserved. its also a pisces thing WEFJIEIEJWEFJIWEF i think what i saw in the jury house was sometimes chips going along w/ things, but i dont know, i really do not know much about chips game and ill probs ask him more afterwards?? but idk he was REALLY nice to me tho so FWIJFWEWFIFW i just dont trust him in games.......i dont know whats on his mind half of the time......)

I WANNA SAY FOR THE NEXT 3 MEN THEYRE HEAVILY INFLUENCED BY THEIR FIRE SIGN PLACEMENTS SO while i know some of them do hold resentment, its a lot easier to deal with and work with and with all 3 of them we've talked it out with/are going to talk it out. only #8 has been the MOST stubborn but idk imma let him do his thing & try not to pass too much judgement u know cause i dont need to waste my braincells on that

6. conor (knowing conor's astrological placements makes this make sense to me. but i wanna say that i think he's the type of leo to like be upfront, get it out, vent, and be fine? which is why i respect him a lot and i think we do have a mutual respect for each other. some of the comments he made were kinda rude tho and him fake liking astrology for social game was SO UGLY TO ME!!!! like i'll clown him for it for as long as i know him now cause....JOKE'S ON HIM!!!!!!! WJOEFWEOWEFO but that was kinda mean but def conor's come around and seen the light / has also reached out to me to talk. he's also admitted he left a mean speech in sbbb9 and regretted it so i think he might just shoot off at the mouth a bit. but BETTER THE DEVIL U KNOW THAN THE ONE U DONT and i appreciate the transparency NOW as opposed to the fakeness of him saying he liked astrology for social game. THIS IS A HILL I WILL DIE ON!!!!! im a fan of leos tho and he's a leo moon like me. so. i think we'll be fine. )

7. rob (i actually really REALLY like rob on a personal level but i really do not know if i could play another game with him, at least survivor, id be open to playing bb. i think ill say that the best thing about rob is that he's also apologized, was one of the first to when i confronted them all, me and him have a good personal relationship tbh!! but some of the game comments he made were p harsh and he's definitely a lil bitter but again, he's admitted it, i think while he's more up front -- i dont think i ever wanna be on his bad side in a game. EVER!!! cause we didnt even have any loyalty to each other in the game but he was SO harsh on my game like it was wild bc i dont think id ever be that harsh to ANY OF THEM ABOUT THEIR GAMES LIKE THAT???? anyways. its fine bc again he's apologized and he's owned it but PHEW he got a lil bit of a sharp tongue. really eloquent tho!!!!!!!!!!! love hearing him speak)

8. gage (last but least the southern belle himself................this man an aries and i dont know his other signs but him being an aries man is enough. they POP OFF!!!!!! a lot of times there's some truth to it, sure, but sometimes they just be popping off and FOR WHAT!!!!! i do understand gage's frustrations though but even he apologized for being too mean in HIS FUTURE FUCKING CONFESSIONALSSSSSSSS TO MEEEEEE so. idk. he's got an issue with letting things go in games and miss annajane calls him on a lot of BS and it does NOT seem to really knock him down but. gage is really wht u see is what u get, doesnt really own his faults but at least u kinda know where ur at w/ him. but he's still probs the meanest one in there but i do understand from a game level why he was so fucked up about it, especially after hearing FTC. its just that. i understand his position. BUT HE NEEDS TO TAKE A XANAX SOMETIMES I S2G GAGE I WILL GIVE YOU ONE!!! girl it is NOT that serious!!!!!!)

also forgot to mention that i admitted to gage that chris from s1 was NOT actually my brother and his jaw was on the floor <3 I GOT TO DO ONE TROLL THING RIGHT!!!!!! rip me/seamus' showmance serious!!!!!!)

okay just to add onto my last confessional -- the songs i think represent me best from this playlist game wise are: - perfect for you - punchin' bag - stayin' alive - flip - femme fatale/future nostalgia (for the girls alliance that never was....rip but also me/daisy at merge vibes) - X - the shortchange - TAKE ME AS I AM!!!!! THAT SONG IS THE ONE THATS BECOME MY SONG!!!! for this game especially!!!!! - over yet (the lyrics literally speak for themselves) - tough on myself (sorry for stealing ur song vincent) - seven devils - villains pt. 1 (i dont think i was a villain but i did stuff in this game that i usually dont and would consider villainous for myself FEWIWFEJIFEW i was in my feelings!) - passion & pain taste the same when i'm weak (me coming into the jury house and realizing they'd all snatched my wig w/ the edges and the glue.....i DID cry to this song for at least 2 hours! yes i did! WIFJWJIWEIJE) - tar ('under the stars -- pull yourself from the tar'. at the end of the day, this season was fucking stacked and there wasn't one person who was a bad player at all. at all.stars, if you will. i was under a lot of stars and from all the breakdowns in my game to me actually breaking down -- i GOTTA PULL MYSELF FROM THE TAR!!!! learn!! grow!! be better!!)

TOP 5 (not 'perfect for you'): - punchin' bag - take me as i am - over yet - tough on myself - tar

good for my whole journey imo!! the last 3!!! okay this is my ACTUAL last confessional okay thank u for everything!!! bye!!!

https://youtu.be/T5wRzWwlOp8

and here's my personal playlist for the org: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2E8KGCo1SrBgoJIQ9DycfM?si=96PWq-6ERCyisacQr3zPww

it is literally an hour and a half until the winner reveal and i really just have no idea what's going to happen. like in the back of mind i just have a feeling that im losing bc, yeah you know self-deprecation woo! but yeah idk i think i really gave this game my all and while i dont think i played it flawlessly, i still think i played a strong game i can be proud of :,)

having it be a live final tribal for my first ever like, jury questioning was just--- ugh wild but i actually think it went really well. just based on what people were saying it definitely seemed as if some of the jurors didnt really want to see me and daisy at the end or like, really werent consider voting for me but i think i was definitely able to sway some people who were willing to listen and definitely gave some of the jurors something to think about. so whether or not i win i do think that i had a really great final tribal performance, maybe it was even enough to sway enough people into giving me their vote?? WHO'S TO SAY

anyways this has been such a wild experience and it's surreal to think that it's ending in like, a little over an hour but no matter what happens i can say confidently that i will be able to look back on this season fondly and will be leaving it with my head held high bc I REALLY DID THIS LIKE!!! I REALLY MADE IT TO THE END!! WOW I STILL CANT GET OVER IT HAHAHA!! but yeah bye forever <33

Rob’s Last Video:  https://youtu.be/X3krxxfJ3oo

________________________________________________________________

Daisy wins in a 7-2 vote!

[ncityzen]

Ship your mutuals w nct 👀

so…i’m so sorry for taking so long to write this but here it is. i had a bit of a dilemma because i didn’t really know who i should include and i really didn’t want to leave anyone out who’d possibly want me to do this so i’ve decided to turn this into some sort of ask game or whatever so if we’re mutuals and you aren’t tagged below, feel free to send me an ask and i will do this for you because believe me i most probably wanted to include you as well but i’m kind of tragic when it comes to socialising :((((((

also i hope you don’t mind but i’m changing this up a little bit and instead of shipping (i’d just “ship” you all with your biases tbh how can i not) i’m just going to say who i think you’d get along with so i guess it’s more like friends???? sorry again fsdkjlk

@lqcoups: lipi i remember i did something like this before but it was based on your appearance only so this time i’m gonna change it up a little and say mark!!! i know you love the canada boy and i think your personalities would go really well together i don’t know how to elaborate on that but believe me they would skfjlsjd this is what you get for being the person i know the best on here

@mawrklee: cat you have got to be one of the most adorable people on here so i’m going to say you’d get along well with taeyong!! you’re both really sweet people but at the same time very very funny at all the right moments and tbh i just want you to be treated with kindness which is exactly the kind of friend taeyong would be (believe me it took me a lot of effort not to say mark sjdklfjs)

@taeilrmoon maja you are so funny sometimes i’d like to take your tags/posts and give them to weekly idol or something (didn’t i tell you once sm should hire you??? you’re just really employable), and i know you enjoy doing sport which is why i’m saying either jaehyun or yuta!!! jaehyun is an underrated funny person and being his friend with your amazing wits could only be good to make his potential shine. yuta doesn’t need an explanation

@seoyoungho: hello to one of the funniest and kindest people ever?? just because of that i’m very tempted to say taeil!! i feel like you bring out the best in people and make everyone just feel instantly at ease which would go really well with taeil’s personality i think!! you’d both also make the greatest comedic duo ever johnny would be begging you to give him his title as the funny guy back

@cheolz: shivani my favourite smart and funny mutual there’s no doubt here and i’m gonna go with yuta. i feel like you both probably have a similar sense of humour, and you’re both very eloquent people i’d honestly love to hear you debating on stuff, not to mention the fact that you both like football, and although it is yet unknown if yuta likes barça (he has to or i’m disowning him) i believe in the force of your friendship and your great arguments to bring him to the side of truth

@berryjaelliaes millie the sweetest little thing out there omg i’m going to say you and jeno would be good friends!! i don’t know if you like cats but you seem like you do sdfjkls also you’re both very cute people who radiate nothing but happy energy and make people smile just by looking at them (or seeing you on my dash)

@qiankupid: i know we haven’t been mutuals for long but you’re on here because you’re an incredibly nice person and i love seeing you on my dash. it’s doyoung for you!! from what i’ve gathered from our time being mutuals you guys seem a bit similar! i thought you were really eloquent in that audio tag and very entertaining at the same time, you’re also very funny and doyoung is in my top 3 funniest nct members so i’m sure you’d both get along really well

[dekiiru]

okay sorry it took so long for me to write and post this, but im home now and in the silence to be able to gather my thoughts and the peace to be able to write them down. a lot of this is me working through my own thoughts as i write it so im sorry its so long, but im still a little bit confused on how to feel about this, largely, i think, due to shock.

i had no clue about almost any of the stuff julie did or said to people. i knew of the miles thing to some extent (i didnt know why miles was uncomfortable with him, i only knew about the aftereffects) and i knew about the vague story surrounding why maddy, jay and marina didnt like him, although i had never actually spoken to them before.

my initial reaction to the callout was to get defensive, because that was someone i considered my friend and although somewhere i think i knew or had some inkling that he was like this, i chalked it up to mistakes and people jealous of his popularity because i wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. but the more i read the callout (i never finished it, partially because i had to take screencaps of the posts and painstakingly slowly read through them because the nature of my work makes it very difficult to focus on things for more than a few seconds at a time and partially because by the time i stopped, i had already made my decision regarding him) the more i realized that defending his actions isnt something i can, should, or would do.

and regarding the “sc/hool sho/oter” post, i live in america. in fact, i lived about 5-15 minutes away from where one of these sc/hool sho/otings happened (i lived for several years in roseburg, oregon, and the sh/ooting at u.c.c. happened a year or two after i moved to where i live now). i knew people who went there. i knew one person who died. the day it happened i broke down in the middle of marching band because i had no idea whether or not the friends i knew for three years were alive or dead and that fucking terrified me. and when it happened, i told julie over discord (because i was working when i heard about it) that i did not condone his actions or words and that it was wrong of him to say, but (and i still stand by this), it is not the place of anyone who was not even indirectly affected by a shooting to decide whether or not someone is worthy of redemption. no, julie should not have reblogged that post and while it is totally fine for you to be uncomfortable to interact with him because of it, i think only people who have been directly affected by sc/hool shoo/tings have the right to decide if he is worthy of forgiveness - for that. the rest of it is a different matter.

a few months ago i actually went through this with someone else. i wrote a callout post for daisy, a mercy blog in the overwatch fandom who deleted shortly after i wrote it. (if any of you want to see that callout, let me know and ill send it to you. i will admit here and now that there was something i shouldnt have added in there, but it was added with good intentions, but regardless, daisy’s callout really has nothing to do with the situation with julie and nothing to do with what is happening now. shes gone. im just making a connection to this situation.) it was a very similar situation; manipulation, hypocrisy, turning people against others, saving face and caring more about reputation than anything else. and while i was absolutely terrified of daisy’s situation happening again, where i get really really close with someone and then find out they manipulated the fuck out of me, i was also scared to lose friends, and i think thats a big part of why i wanted so badly to match or whatever, because i really really really wanted a place to belong, where i felt special and unique and yet part of a group and in the end that really fucked me over and made me blind to what was happening. i defended him (albeit not for long, ive only spoken to him for a few months now) for things i shouldnt have defended him for because i was terrified of losing people and im so sorry about that.

as for the callout itself: i will say that i do think there are two sides to every story. im not saying julie is a victim in this or that he is to be sympathized with, because at the end of the day, he hurt a lot of people and its good that the word was spread before more people got hurt. i dont agree that it is “a cis persons responsibility to make sure people know they are cis” because that kind of mindset will only lead to a witch hunt, but im not going to make a fuss about this because i know some other genderqueer people are more uncomfortable about cis people than i am and at the end of the day that is a personal opinion. i think some of the callout was worded with bias which probably, in some situations, did slightly twist the truth, ONLY because it is a callout and it is really difficult not to twist the truth in them even when they are written as formally as possible, HOWEVER while most of the time i disregard callouts (because a lot of them are written entirely based on personal bias because someone doesnt like someone else rather than on an actual need for people to be warned), this one was written very eloquently and very well. as someone who has been on that side of things, im really really proud of the people who contributed to it, especially those that werent afraid of giving their names out, because that is a really really hard thing to do, especially when its for someone really popular. i remember when i wrote one for daisy, i was almost sick to my stomach with the anxiety, and really pleasantly surprised when it was received much better than i expected. i am really proud of you guys, and thank you for letting me and everyone else know the truth of what happened.

however, that callout was not an attack, nor was it intended to be, and by people sending julie hate, youre just making the situation worse. i believe, in my personal opinion, that the best thing to do is to block and move on. we can come together as a community, and while julies actions wont go away, hopefully we can heal and understand from them. and i really want to thank manny for that post, because similarly to daisy, it is the people closest to the person in question who are left most in the dark. as julies friend, i had no idea about almost anything that was there and honestly, im glad now that i do. thank you for understanding that the people who associated with him are not always aware of what he did.

anyway this is really disorganized and im sorry, thats just my thoughts on the matter (as much as i can think anyway), and i hope it makes some sort of sense. i will be hardblocking julie on all of my blogs and changing the urls to both my izuku blog and my ouma blog and my icon for this blog. if you choose to continue to interact with julie, thats on you and i wont reprimand you, block you or unfollow you for it. please do not associate me with him anymore, though, add me to any groups anywhere with him, or tag me and him in the same posts.

and, as i said before, because i really want to get this point across, if you are uncomfortable with me because i interacted with him so much and so intimately and wish to hard or softblock or unfollow me, that is perfectly fine and i understand completely. i only ask if you softblock me that you let me know so that i dont accidentally follow you again, because i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable with my presence.

[up-among-the-stars]

Cycle 307

The five times Kaizo forgets his birthday, and the one time he doesn’t.

i.

Kaizo is sixteen when he first forgets.

Granted, he forgets a lot of things these days, but none of which he actually means to. He's taking his time with the mask, and while the side-effects aren't disabling, they're not exactly productive, either. It's annoying, how the memories he wants buried stay vividly clear, but Imus forbid he remember his own naming day.

So when his grandfather walks in the training room, a whole shift early and wondering why he hasn't started cleaning up, his first response is a very eloquent, "What?"

The general stares at him. "We're going to the plaza."

"...why?"

"It's your naming day," the man says with a slight frown, watching as Kaizo blinks in realization.

"Oh. Right."

"You forgot." It's not a question.

Kaizo hums, looking back at the sentinel he's pinning on the wall. He releases his hold and ends the simulation with a quick command, idly watching the bot sink back to the floor. He can still feel his grandfather watching him, but he honestly doesn't know what to say.

It was his choice to keep the mask, and the consequences were something he just had to live with.

He settles with a simple, "It's a work in progress."

Kaizo meets his grandfather's eyes, lets the other search his face for a few moments, and waits. His mouth quirks upward when he gets a small nod, knowing that the general has seen his resolve. Out of habit, he does a quick salute, before heading off to his room for a quick shower.

Training can wait; for now, he has a celebration to attend.

ii.

There are... things outside his room.

Kaizo is barely back from his latest mission when he spots the colorful mess in the hallway. He was gone for a couple of lunar cycles to patrol the Latsyrk quadrants, having picked up a couple of frequencies that belonged to powerspheres.

He'd managed to collect five of them before deciding to head home, which is how he finds himself in this current situation.

Frowning at the storage blocks scattered at his doorway, Kaizo wonders if someone dropped them, before pushing the thought away. Everyone in the East Wing knows where his room is, if only to avoid it. He's not the... kindest of people, especially after long-term missions. He blames Bora Ra for that one.

Upon closer inspection, he notices one that looks like Maya's. Bronze has always been the mechanic's color, so he picks that one up, half convinced that it's safe. If anything ever happens to him, he can always drop by her shop for an unannounced visit.

He's turning the cube over when he notices the storage date, then everything clicks.

Oh, Kaizo thinks. It was my naming day.

He hadn't really been paying attention to the date recently, but he supposed those close to him still did. Pressing the release button, Kaizo steps back just in time to catch a metallic blue slab, sleek sides tapered off to a handle.

He shifts to hold it properly and watches as it morphs around his arm to form an ion blaster.

Maya really doesn't hold back, Kaizo thinks, smirking at the possibilities for his next mission. The sword may be his preferred medium, but even he wouldn't refuse something with twice the power. He shuts it down before grabbing the other blocks still at his feet, wondering what the others got him as he finally enters his room.

iii

He's still bleeding.

Kaizo pants as he stares at the wound on his side. With a grunt, he lets his head thunk back on the tree behind him and tries to catch his breath, fairly content with being idle for the first time in two cycles. He knows Lahap enough to assume that the lieutenant has kept the data chip safe, so for now, he has only one problem.

He counts to ten before trying again.

"Xek'trs," Kaizo hisses, voice sharp in his mother tongue as he presses his activated sword against his side. It's one of the messier ways to deal with his injuries, but the wound has been bleeding enough to make him worried. He'll have to clean up better once they get out of the system.

It's after the fourth try that he finally manages to cauterize the cut successfully.

Damn Iaku and their traps, he thinks darkly, remembering how their target had worked with bounty hunters. It's not every day that they went to a mission with half the specs they needed, but this one happened to be more of a surprise than the captain was expecting.

Absentmindedly, he thinks how bad of a surprise it was.

He doesn't exactly remember the day.

iv.

There's a missed call, and from a direct line.

Kaizo narrows his eyes at the yellow triangle blinking on the screen. There are three options: either he's been found out, his planet is under attack, or it's a really important tip that he's been waiting for from the few contacts he has.

Whichever it is, he's going to have to call back.

Pulling up a few lines of code, Kaizo sets a frequency. The holographic display lights up a few moments later, and on it is -

"Aeron?"

From the screen, a guy visibly lights up as he signs a greeting. Kaizo offers a quick smile, before asking, "What's with the call?" He watches as the other signs, brows raising with the speed and every cut-off sentence as the man on the other line turns more sheepish.

"A," Kaizo interrupts after the fifth attempt is waved off, "As funny as this is, can you at least tell me if there's a problem?"

Aeron freezes mid-motion, before slowly signing, 'no.'

"Okay." Kaizo blinks. "Why'd you call, then?"

"He wanted to greet you, idiot."

Kaizo can't help the smirk that makes its way on his face at the reply. "Still ratting people out, greaser?" he asks, waving off Aeron's panic at Maya's sudden comment, "Same as always, I see." There's a snort, and Kaizo can practically hear the eyeroll in her reply.

"So are you. You would've forgotten your naming day if A hadn't called."

"Fair enough."

v.

"Captain?"

"Yes?"

"Do you... think we could visit home?"

Kaizo looks up to see Fang staring at the ground, hands fiddling with his gloves. It's a little amusing how nervous his brother still gets around him, though it's not surprising, with all that he's done. He's not exactly the best sibling in the world.

Although -

"I don't see why not," he says, tilting his head at how the other seems to perk up at that. "Something important?"

Fang blinks at his question, before looking away and mumbling, "Sort of."

Interesting.

-

If he's going to be honest, the last thing Kaizo expected Fang to be worried about was his naming day celebration.

Their parents had been surprised, to say at least, but so was he when Fang pressed to have the trip in a cycle. Kaizo watches as his brother talks animatedly with their parents, telling them about adventures he had with his friends.

It's... nice, seeing them again.

Though it's not something I can always afford, Kaizo thinks.

He stares at his soup as he takes another sip.

(+ i.)

So, the kids know when his naming day is.

But did they really have to do this? Kaizo thinks, three parts amused as he stares down at the pile of... presents outside his ship's control room. The other fourth of him is feeling an odd sense of déjà vu, but that's mostly ignored for the shocked look on his lieutenant's face.

"Lahap," he says, startling the other to attention, "You start the ship."

The lieutenant makes a face. "Captain?"

"I'll deal with it," he replies, crouching to pick up the a-little-too-bright bundle. Color-coded, he assumes, eyes automatically finding his brother's gift, as well as Boboiboy's. There are three green packages, though, so he assumes that the twins were in this, too.

Really, what is it with people and naming days.

a bunch of important notes (read: headcanons) for those who are confused:

- i have this headcanon that kaizo’s grandfather is a general??? idk, it sounded pretty cool, and kaizo had to get his military background from someone

- another headcanon: kaizo’s mask is an incomplete weapon, kind of like a prototype, so sometimes it messes with his brain and makes him forget things

- birthdays are called naming days in their planet (as features in another fic of mine).

- edit because i forgot ajjsjahs: Imus is one of their planet’s three major deities��

- when he’s not at home, kaizo stays in the garrison. his room is in the east wing.

- Latsyrk quadrants: a bunch of quadrants opposite from the one that has kaizo’s planet.

-  Xek'trs: made up curse word because i want kaizo and fang to speak alien languages!!! or something, just let them have a mother language, please.

- Iaku: another made up thing, but now an alien race. they’re known for hunting, hence the traps.

- maya and aeron are my ocs!!! read more about them here. 

- ps. i know very little about interstellar communication omg, im sorry sdjfhsdak

- the kids would totally give the captain gifts, if they found out about his birthday. they’d throw him a party, but they’re not close enough, and most of them can see that kaizo isn’t one for huge celebrations.

- gifts the kids probably gave: tea (from boboiboy, and yes, he asked fang to help), a cupcake (from yaya, bUT DON’T WORRY, THE OTHERS HELPED), a pin (from ying, and it definitely says ‘rebel’), a glass figurine (it’s kaizo’s sword, gopal didn’t know what to give but his friends kept bothering him, give him a break), new gloves (from fang, because kaizo actually goes through them pretty quickly), and alien tech (sai gave him the latest comm link in the market, and shielda gave him a holopad, also the latest in the market)

a/n: i feel very conflicted about this because i feel like i haven’t shown my view of kaizo as well as i wished??? but thats because too much of what i have are headcanons and i cant write well enough without making you guys confused??? anyway, this doesnt look like it fits the theme much either, but hear me out: the thing that makes it not-so-happy is that kaizo doesnt really care for his naming day. it - it would’ve made sense had i published my first entry for kaizo week, but then it would need more explaining and its 1 am and i need to sleep. bUT ANYWAY, i hope u guys at least enjoyed the fic skdjfhjksa

[thedapperrabbit]

She-Ra Rewatch: season 3 and onwards through season 4, and boatloads of Introspection time!

So Ive been rewatching She-Ra with my partner, because sharing Entrapdak is caring. I could probably squee on about that for a century or more (because eeee, sharing things i love with people i love AND THEY EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO THE THINGS AND REMEMBER THEM!)...but ill spare you, kind internet strangers who for some reason find my thoughts mildly interesting enough to be reading this. This is going to be a lot. Like, a LOT. A lot especially from a stranger that youve probably only seen a notification from due to me sticking a heart on your content or for reblogging something lovely youve made in pictures or words. I dont think anything is going to be violently trigger-y because im not always great at judging that stuff and also ive yet to feel quite comfy enough to be  fully open-posting specifics about my own past trauma, other than a vague allusion to self-harm and distant-ish unspecified abuse aaaand the usual childhood garbage truck of assholes....but i suppose you could possibly draw some darker potential conclusions from the content im focused on. Also, my ADHD makes it incredibly hard to keep to a straight and non-branching narrative so...ramble-y bits and expressions of brain frustration ahoy. Either way...you are forewarned, just in case. Sorry in advance, this is going to be a small booklet by the time Im done explaining, and thinking, and then attempting to stick words to abstract feels which sometimes im great at, and then others i fucking suck at...but at least this is all written and not me trying to say this to any of your faces! Thats....a mercy all of its own. Haa...  Anyway, while rewatching with my partner, I realized just how much more painful parts of it are to sit through now...they were the first time, and each time since, but NOW having spent a while mulling over the series as a whole a bunch, and reading a lot of other peoples writings on here and finding myself largely in agreement with most Entrapdak fan’s assessment of things, I just....feel like all the air is ripped out of me during some moments, watching  with keener insight. And despite thinking i had myself reasonably well figured out by my age, its all also made me further consider a few things about myself as well. Particularly my notable internalized fury response to chunks of it which have been consistent through all my viewings of SPOP. With Hordak at least, its way easier to understand my reactions. For me at least. Maybe not so much for the people around me. And, shittier due to intensity and subject matter, but still easier in the long run because...the broken bits in me that he resonates with are fresher and sharper and still more recent, like within the last ten years, and thus more towards the front shelves in my head, compared to things that resonate with Entrapta, which are all old, lifelong dull aches at this point. I feel like nothing i can point to is fully sufficient to fully express my feels involving Hordak. But, maybe the best representative moment is with the crying i do every damn time I see his face looking up at Prime just after he glimmer and catra were beamed up...because ive seen that face in the mirror. I HAVE MADE THAT FACE. That same. Goddamn. Face. I may not have gotten a jab to the back of the neck directly from the person I made it at...but they often seemed to silently goad me to harm myself in an attempt to jolt my brain out of getting stuck in re-looping through what theyd just done/said to me. Likewise, much of his interactions with Entrapta are very...very weirdly familiar in feeling, but in a good way. Watching the stuff with Hordak hurts because fuck me if it isnt frequently like watching myself back in 2008ish to 2013, which was the duration of the worst parts of that particular circle of hell i parked my ass in. So...that makes sense. Hes so well written in those moments, it occasionally gave me PTSD flashbacks (still does a little, but now im prepared and braced for it and can shrug it back off....thanks, lifetime of therapy and years of studying abnormal psychology! Still totally not an expert, just very passionate...just, as a disclaimer).  Entrapta though...Entrapta is a different story. Mostly, I see Entrapta and in her free expressions of delight and joy and her bouncy enthusiasm I am reminded of a younger, less discouraged me in some ways, and in others, a “me” I could have been, but...well, extremely early-onset anxiety and depression made me insanely self-conscious super-super early on...not that i was great at hiding or...i guess the term people seem comfy with is “masking”? Which was a huge problem, or so it was in the 80s when far less was understood of such things. Id do so for a bit and then would forget to, in a way (because id forget long enough to go and trust again reflexively) and would get badly bullied and would squish everything down until id feel a crumb of safety again, and then almost instantly ADHD would pop that mask right the rest of the way off aaand it would start all over again. Ad nauseam until my teen years, where the depression sort of “fixed” that, and made it much easier to destroy my desire to share much of myself freely at all, save for with one or two people, and to a less deep extent a broader circle of nerd friends. Course, then i hit 30 and ran out of the majority of fucks I used to give. Or I became so damaged and salted with anger that parts of me dont grow any fucks anymore? Either way, plowshares to swords, WHEEEE!) And, maybe thats where this time while watching, I started to really think back to all that, and to how i see Entrapta treated by the other princesses, or really just in general except by Hordak...and why it burns my biscuits so badly. Every time I see someone roll their eyes at Entrapta’s beautiful unbridled enthusiasm or try to make it seem distasteful or at least weird and unwanted and uncomfortable for them but then dont even bother to try coming to terms with why they feel that way... or how they seem to feel free to grab and manhandle her without her consent, or the way they try to lessen her contributions because shes non-normative? Like its the fucking least she can do to make up for being weird in their space (...okay, that might just be the anger kicking in..but i dont feel like its an entirely innacurate assessment, is it?)  All of that...seeing it inflicted upon someone, It feels like someones punched me right in the damn sternum, but because its a hurt that im so desensitized to, it seems to have a much different effect than the sharp, violent crushing pain that i feel when I relate to Hordak a little too well for comfort. Again, i could go on, but its nothing more eloquent people on here havent already spoken volumes on. And my first gut reaction is always “I dont understand! why is that their reaction to her?! it doesnt seem logical at all, i dont seem to be able to parse it correctly, how is this acceptable? I HOPE SHE IMMOLATES YOU ALL.”. Which...I suppose isnt entirely usual for me (the silent wishing that people be immolated, I mean...i blame my past years of working in retail. And devouring too much Warhammer 40k contentl).  (oh gods...and this is going to be the most clusterfucky part cause i can feel my meds kicking in and thats gonna be hard to keep coherence on but i gotta get this all out of my head or ill forget it or get too scared of you fucking BRILLIANT insightful smart people on here and then ill continue to live scared and regretful that i never said..anything, and just sat here like “noticeme, entrapdak sempais!”  Ehhn...which is to say, if this is a garbage dump from here down, dont worry, when i wake up ill fix it...but hopefully itll at least make a tiny bit of sense ) But I realized something...something I hadnt ever rememberd much about due to the shitty neuronormative (apology if thats wrong term) behaviors continuing over years and years but in less and less directly aggressive ways as i grew older and was more prone to losing my shit in , (and likely because I got excessively lucky and managed through...uhhh...agonizing determination? Sheer stubbornness? Alleviatory rebalancing of universal karma? fuck if i know --to  curate a surprisingly supportive circle of other castoffs and misanthropes.) That was exactly how people used to treat me.  OKAY THISLL BE EDITED LATER to add in the rest of what i was gonna say...im...too full of Ambien sleep meds and damn write it anymore...and im aing trouble separating realigty and dream...an i k apawing at the kybord...not safe Lov yous for reading this far. Il fix it later, swears.

[hyunwoo-archive]

messaged some other people about this but what are your favorite things about each member and then fave body part :)))

JKFHSAJKHKA okay :0 ... jKFHJS if this gets ramble-y im so SOrry i always have too much to say abt the monsta boys

shownu: my favorite thing abt shownu is his compassion and drive !!! when he sets his mind to something he really goes through with it and gives it his all ?? nd hes so caring towards his members like theyre really on his mind 24/7 nd he just !!! he cares so much !!!!! its a little overwhelming ,,, thats why hes so big .. its bc hes holding so much love for his members :( nd my favorite body part,,,, his eyes jghsj i love how one is smaller than the other ?? its not obvious until he smiles nd then its like wow .... wowie.... u are Beautiful

wonho: his sensitivity :000 hes so like ... sensitive ? but its not bad ?? he has this like ,, attentive energy nd its truly his greatest asset when he uses it to support shownu as a leader bc he can offer a different viewpoint :0 plus jkghsj hes just really in tune with his feelings nd isnt shy to talk abt them at all ?? like :0 idk :0 thats just rly amazing 2 me bc he looks like someone whos like feelings whomst !!! but then he’ll spend an hour talking abt how much love he has .... also for body part his smile :((( he has the cutest most Energetic and vibrant smile ... he is rly the embodiment of the :D emoji...

minhyuk: his energy ??? hes truly like ... the moodmaker of monsta x ,, hes so vibrant nd happy nd so full of love nd he truly has everyone on their toes like .. how can we keep up with this energizer :0 its so infectious nd like ,,, he rly brings out the best in everyone ?? he knows how to work w their dynamics ?? hes jhfjas hEs so smart ... nd he really uses that to shape an atmosphere that’ll make everyone happy but comfortable .... nd his teeths ??? i love his teeths like jkghsdj when he smiles nd shows them off it makes me so happie like wow ?? ur the Cutest ??? uR TEETHS :((

kihyun: his wit !!!!! i feel like ,, w minhyuk ,,, they have this similar thinking process except kihyuns is a little more Refined for himself ? if that makes sense ?? he grasps situations quickly nd adapts to them accordingly nd its like ,,, if ur not paying attention u rly wouldnt be able to see the gears working around in his head as he looks at his situation ... nd also !!!! his sharp tongue ?? i dont mean this in a bad way at all but hes rly like ,,, it ties into his quick wit but he has such a sharp way of responding to people that its always like ,, woah ,,, it literally takes him no time at all 2 respond hgskj hes really ?? eloquent .... nd i love his eyesmiles :( theyre so ??? genuine ? nd crinkly ???? when hes happy u can see it So Much ,,, its really cute :((

hyungwon: HYUNGWON OK LISTEN !!! hes so caring ???? i kno a lot of ppl see him as like,,, a ~meme~ but hjghsjk please just Look At This Boy he is Overflowing with talent ... he picked up djing so quickly ? hes so dedicated to mbbs nd to mx ? he literally like ,,, would die for them :/ i feel like his brand of caring is ,,,, subtle but also . Not . like it’ll be the little things that ppl wont pay attention to but also it’ll b things like making sure everyones okay if they ever stumble,,, nd he really just genuinely doesnt want anyone to worry abt him he just :-( he wants to worry abt others first ..... god i love u chae hyungwon ... nd ok uM best feature for Me Personally ...... his eyes sorry gksh theYRE SO EXPRESSIVE .... ND BEAUTIFUL .... me,,, a chaebebe ?

jooheon: mister lee jooheon come nd get it i love him so much nd i love his dedication !!!!!!! he is truly the best idol rapper of our Century nd he got here by continuously practicing nd dedicating himself to rap like ,,,, wormie ?? u are ?? so good ??? honestly he really inspires me to do well bc he never lets anything stop him nd hes so ?? energetic and vibrant too ??? like he just exudes this positive nd beautiful energy that really makes me feel like i can do anything nd im sure it applies for everyone ?? hes just so fun nd !!! so himself :( i love it u know ... nd i love his dimples .... cheesy but ,,, his dimples ? are so deep nd so prominent when he smiles or talks ??? hes truly the dimple king ,,,

changkyun: my quiet nd mysterious nd introspective baby,,,, honestly hsdjk i can never tell what hes thinking but i do know he is a) very smart and b) a little on the introverted side nd c) philosophical ? nd d) mysterious . i got sidetracked but gjhsdjk im ... i adore his resolve .... he’s been through so much as an idol and as a person nd hes become so mature because of it ?? he really has this,,, wise,,, vibe to him,,,, but it doesnt stop him from being silly with the members too ?? i’d lov to be able to have a moment to talk with changkyun abt anything,, but especially music nd education jsut bc i think he would have some Incredible thoughts ........ nd also im in love w his smile ,,,,, his dimpled smile,,,, whenever it shows up my heart stops nd destroys itself nd i ascend nd feel At Peace ...

[ghiblicottage]

unpopular opinion: ace/aro is valid but they can be annoying when asking for representation bc the rest of lgbt has had to fight for everything we have now, only to have people who don't experience romantic/sexual attraction at all come in and demand representation.

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree 

ok so tbh idk exactly how to answer this? cause thats kind of a loaded opinion lol and i dont feel like just stopping at “neutral”  so lol i tried to explain how i felt about it with a more lenghty explanation under the cut but i dont know if im eloquent enough or educated enough on the subject so feel free to ignore

send me an unpopular opinion and I tell you if I

so huh first of all i fee like i should mention that i id as ace?? not that it matters idk but maybe im biased in some way

hmm id say that the reason id like to have some representation is because most people just …. dont realize that not feeling sexual attraction at all is possible? even though most people know it’s possible as in gay people dont feel attraction toward the “opposite” gender and straight people dont feel attraction toward the same gender so you know ? it shouldnt be a hard concept to understand that you can feel this way toward everyone and not just one gender?? if i make sense ??

but when i try to explain to people that i can’t say if i’m gay or bi/pan or straight or anything because i just?? feel the same toward everyone?? as in feel nothing? and people just… think its impossible, like the simple fact that i’ve never dated a guy, most people in my family/friends think im a closeted lesbian (which ?? i lowkey dont even know myself tbh??) but if i say im ace they wont know what it means or think i just havent found the right person yet or something 

and i feel like with representation like fictional characters openly expressing that, more general talk around the subject it would be more simple to let people know?

And to be honest before using tumblr i didnt even know myself that asexuality was a thing, so another reason why representation would be important is to let actual ace/aro people know that its a possible identity? so that they dont have to go through either horrible experiences with sex during their lives because they force themselves to enjoy it due to social norms? or just feel their whole lives as if something is wrong with them, never knowing where to fit, not knowing who they are, i feel like its a very uncomfortable position to be in especially in a society that forces people in boxes and categories like this it makes you feel like an outcast idk? so having this little box more openly talked about could help them realize that they’re valid 

as for “the rest of lgbt has had to fight for everything we have now”, first of all im hardly educated enough on lgbt history ok, so i cant give you fact checks and names and statistics as arguments here but i feel like… 

part of the fight for gay people was about making people realize that they dont feel attraction toward the opposite gender and that they cannot force themselves into it, its just the way things are because attraction is not a choice. and … id say its a natural follow up that some people would start to think “hey i dont feel attraction toward the opposite gender?? but now that i think about it i dont feel it toward the same gender either?? so could i have a different box maybe?” and this way start asking for representation you know? 

like i feel in some way the the asexual “struggle” is a bit similar to what most people in the lgbt community has to go though at least in term of personal experience and internal struggle if not from a social pov (since society mostly doesnt even know its a thing, we can’t really talk about acephobia mostly just …. ace ignorance id say).

Like this is my very personal experience and i cant talk for anyone else here but growing up realizing that i couldnt relate to my friends when they talked about boys is what made me question my identity ? and i assumed i was lesbian at first? so id say thats similar to the lesbian experience in a way? but then there was also the whole but ive never had a crush on a girl either so what does that make me?? and honestly i still dont know and idk if ill ever find out lol but anyways this is just to say that i feel that this is a similar struggle to the rest of the lgbt community in a way and maybe this is why a some part of the ace community feels like asking for representation through the lgbt community idk??

so yeah i hope i make sense and dont come off as insensitive or ignorant and answered your question??? im not very good at this sorry it took me so long to try to explain how i felt 

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

9 celebrities that have mastered the art of trolling

It's Troll Week on Mashable. Join us as we explore the good, the bad, and the ugly of internet trolling.

Here's something you might not realize: Celebrities are some of the best trolls on the internet.

Just think about it. They're online constantly, they have millions of people praising and criticizing them daily, and most of them won't suffer fools. Whether they're clapping back at insults, or slinging their own, they're A-list trolls.

SEE ALSO: Ken M and the lost art of 'do no harm' trolling

You don't even have to be a fan of most mega-famous celebrities in order to appreciate their sharp responses and quick-witted lampoons online. For example, I've never listened to a full Cher album — I know, I'm sorry — but her Twitter game has turned me into one of her biggest fans.

If you can appreciate a good troll, here are nine expert celebrity experts you need to follow:

1. Rihanna 

Rihanna doesn't have time for anyone's bullshit. Not now, not ever. And that's precisely what her online presence conveys.

Earlier this month, she jokingly shared an Instagram meme to lightly roast her fans who keep asking for new music. 

View this post on Instagram

i feel attacked. ***valley girl who’s never been attacked voice*** R9 chronicles.

A post shared by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on Oct 4, 2018 at 6:00am PDT

But Rihanna has been coming for her haters for a long time —  like Piers Morgan, her exes, and just about everyone else. Not to worry though, Riri can handle herself just fine.

“@piersmorgan: ps I think @Rihanna needs to grow her hair back. Fast.” grow a dick..... FAST!!!!

— Rihanna (@rihanna) September 9, 2012

View this post on Instagram

#🏆

A post shared by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on Oct 8, 2016 at 7:29pm PDT

2. Chris Evans

Leave it to Captain America to take an active stance against President Donald Trump.

If you follow Chris Evans, then you know he can't resist taking a shot at Trump whenever he does something particularly despicable, like when he insulted Dr. Christine Blasey Ford after her powerful testimony, discussed Russia's involvement in the American election, or after his press conference following the deadly Charlottesville protest in 2017. 

Evans' ongoing political trolls definitely make him one of the best Chrises. Or, the worst. I honestly can't tell at this point.

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me with this? What is the purpose of this? Was there no other vitriol you could spew to rile up your base and deepen this country’s divide? You used THIS?? Do you even understand the message you’re sending? Where is your sense of human decency? https://t.co/SdEh7fFLtL

— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) October 3, 2018

It’s ‘counsel’, Biff. The word is ‘counsel’. I was trying to comprehend how in the world a man, even as moronic as you, can misspell a word he probably reads fifty times a day. But then it dawned on me, you probably only HEAR the word. You don’t read shit. And we all know it. https://t.co/7zZGZRZtkF

— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) August 20, 2018

Is anyone else watching this?!? Wow...it's like watching a train wreck!! 'Before I make a statement I need the facts'?! Since when??

— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) August 15, 2017

3. Billy Eichner

He began as a major troll on the streets of New York City, but comedian Billy Eichner now takes to Twitter to air his grievances, most of which happen to be political these days.

Maybe you remember when he tweeted this message to help distract many of us from reality?

Choosing to believe that the fireworks over the Capitol today were for the Will & Grace reboot.

— billy eichner (@billyeichner) January 20, 2017

Or, perhaps you're more familiar with one of his more recent tweets slamming Senator Susan Collins.

Susan Collins about to bring out Louis CK for a quick set

— billy eichner (@billyeichner) October 5, 2018

Regardless, Eichner's roasts and digs will always be hilarious.

Can I play Lindsay Graham in the movie? I’m very good at shouting random nonsense.

— billy eichner (@billyeichner) September 27, 2018

4. Ryan Reynolds

I probably don't need to tell you that Ryan Reynolds is amazing when it comes to trolling people online, so let's just take this moment to appreciate his greatest online hits.

Including that time he wished his wife Blake Lively a very happy birthday.

View this post on Instagram

Happy Birthday to my amazing wife.

A post shared by Ryan Reynolds (@vancityreynolds) on Aug 25, 2017 at 8:20pm PDT

Or, when he wished someone else's wife a happy anniversary.

Angela. 11 years went by like a lemonade daydream. Words are too clumsy to express what your love means to Jason—which is probably why he had me say it for him. https://t.co/85OuBIC6Zy

— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 18, 2018

But his best trolling work is done when he comes for the thing he loves the most: his children.

I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.

— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 11, 2015

5. Lili Reinhart

Lili Reinhart, has made herself extremely vulnerable online, opening up about issues with break outs, anxiety, and relationships. Naturally, she's become a target for harsh online criticisms, but she has taken to responding to even the rudest comments with brilliant humor.

When people questioned what happens in Reinhart's relationship in September, she kindly cleared a few things up.

No no... I tell him to touch me ~everywhere~ and then we eat Chinese food. Get your facts straight, Emily. https://t.co/DNd8oBegMA

— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) September 19, 2018

The actress also wasn't afraid to clap back at a now-deleted tweet criticizing her weight a year ago. Time goes on, but Reinhart's wit prevails.

Thank you so much for being concerned about my weight, I'll respond later after I finish my double cheeseburger 😘 https://t.co/5FVhso3VOl

— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) May 3, 2017

6. Chrissy Teigen

Pretty much everything model, cookbook writer, and social media maven Chrissy Teigen says online is funny. But Teigen is by far her most hilarious self when she's clapping back at her haters.

Like, that time she criticized Trump, and was told she doesn't live in the "real world."

Yeah I am watching from a fucking throne in space. https://t.co/FVUlhHijFf

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 28, 2017

Or, when she pretended she didn't know where her baby was.

i dunno i can't find her https://t.co/fEj8rFHEMI

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 24, 2016

And, when she pointed out the hypocrisy of a person following her if they're not really a fan.

You have three (3) followers and follow me. https://t.co/N9n3UO2GhI

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 27, 2017

7. Zendaya

If there's one person unwilling to sit back and take criticism, it's Zendaya. The actress has been calling out people on Twitter for years now, and has become known for her smart responses online.

She eloquently called out former E! News host Giuliana Rancic for making a racist comment about her hair in 2015.

pic.twitter.com/q0fOYrv3gc

— Zendaya (@Zendaya) February 24, 2015

Now, the actress mainly serves sarcastic comments to her followers, and has directed most of her energy online into urging people to vote. A more than worthy use of her massive platform.

I’m hilarious. Fact. https://t.co/rhh3eCfiXu

— Zendaya (@Zendaya) September 4, 2018

Mind your business lol https://t.co/4DvzROZvrl

— Zendaya (@Zendaya) October 2, 2018

Have you registered to vote? If not, do that shit!

— Zendaya (@Zendaya) October 7, 2018

8. Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell

There are tons of celebrity couples that love to troll each other online, but none do so as expertly as Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell.

Bell complains about Shepard's...unique home decorating ideas.

View this post on Instagram

This is not a bit. @daxshepard has sincerely suggested the new home for the lazy boy from his office be in the center of my living room. He made an adorable argument about how epic his TV viewing experience will be if I let him keep it there. The man has lost his mind. #chiphappens

A post shared by kristen bell (@kristenanniebell) on Feb 22, 2017 at 3:24pm PST

Shepard jokingly tweets about leaving Bell for a booze guzzling motorcycle-queen.

So sorry @IMKristenBell, never thought this would happen, but I've met someone else. pic.twitter.com/rtujobtUs6

— dax shepard (@daxshepard) June 14, 2016

But, even better than when they're trolling each other is when they're coming after people who criticize their relationship. For instance, when Shepard blasted Star for attempting to write a story about the possible decline of their marriage.

View this post on Instagram

The only offensive thing about this bullshit story is that @kristenanniebell isn't doing all this kinkiness out of horniness, but rather a desperate attempt to save her marriage. I think we all know Bell is a lot more gangster than that. I'll now give you until 4PM to comment, Star.

A post shared by Dax Shepard (@daxshepard) on Oct 10, 2018 at 3:01pm PDT

Bell later took to Instagram to comment, saying that she'd love to comment, but "its hard to talk with this ball gag in!" Classic.

9. Cher

Cher is the absolute master when it comes to singing and acting, but perhaps her greatest gift is her ability roast and toast everyone with the greatest of ease.

The singer and actress routinely criticizes Trump, but beyond political outrage Cher is willing and waiting to take on anyone who dares question her. 

Please just take a look at the cornucopia of delicious trolls that Cher has given us:

little Bo Peep She Lost Her Sheep, & Doesnt Know Where 2 Find Them. Little Bro Trump Has Doubled his Rump,& Doesn’t know where 2 Hide it

— Cher (@cher) April 20, 2017

I got a colonic.RT @lolyabitch @cher how did you celebrate Madonna's birthday?

— Cher (@cher) August 21, 2012

IM NOT YELLING… IM CHER👻

— Cher (@cher) June 22, 2016

ipad freezing up! Maybe it’s overwhelmed,because it Just realized A Fabulous DIVA Was touching it ! Can’t really Blame it, “SNAP OUT OF IT”

— Cher (@cher) March 7, 2013

Truly a delightful thing to behold.

WATCH: Actually, Banksy meant to shred the whole painting. Now it's likely worth much more.

[apsbicepstraining]

I Tried To Live Like Gwyneth Paltrow For A Week And I Felt Like Sh* t

I go through phases where I try to be best available form of myself — the holy beacon of light version of myself.

It’s the one who is peaceful and perhaps has defined abs.

I feel like I dont have too far to get there.

I have a lifetime of restraint, so I dont struggle with booze. Ive never inhaled a cigarette and I dont live in a major metropolis, so my lungs are in the clear.

Essentially, whenever Gwyneth Paltrows health and fitness newsletter, GOOP, comes into my inbox every week, I find the advocate to devour what shes feeing and brighten like she is glowing.

In an attempt to become the best, physically healthiest version of myself, I took a shot at glowingjust like Gwyneth Paltrow.

The result? It constituted me feel like sh* t.

Here’s what I did to complete this “healthy” diet TAGEND

Cutting Out Sugar

Sugar is my weakness; it is my vice.

Truly, in my knowledge, dinners are just a direction between treats.

Therefore, I prevented was of the view that if I could just predominate in my stunning sweet tooth( or all theteeth ), I would be the healthiest eater alive.

According to the Goop article on Overcoming Sugar Addiction, our figures dont fare well with loadings of carbohydrate, as the plunges and spikes stress our adrenals. You get anxious, sulky( sugar is a mood-altering narcotic) and eventually you feel exhausted.

Plus, according to the World Health Organization, obesity, heart disease and diabetes are only some of the unfortunate side effects associated with excess sugar intake.

So, I spent one week not devouring dessert, which I defined as all the items listed in the Wikipedia entering for the word.

Off restraints: patties, prostitutes, cookies, pastries, ice creams, pies, puddings, custards, mousses, sugars, brownies, cupcakes.

I never eat plain return as dessert. I tend to have it with snacks or as a health snack, so I didnt to be taken into account dessert in this sense.

My removal of dessert morphed into eating more savory junk food.

I typically shun bread-dense banquets, like sandwiches and pizza. I likewise never pray pasta or cheeseburgers. This week I had pizza, garlic rolls and a sub sandwich.

Bread became my new siren song and left me feeling uncomfortable all week.

My body didnt know what to do with the void of dessert, so I replenished in the spaces with garlic butter and chips.

Gwyn, this isnt working.

No sweeteneds have ever became me feel like a beached whale. Plus, the stress of figuring out what to do with my dessert occasion left home with just as many zits.

Daily Meditation

Mental clarity seemed like the next step to attempt this greatness.

After all, it was looking like I could be zen and content in less than 30 minutes per day if I tried , no paraphernalium compelled. GOOP had a whole sheet of apps and exercises that Oprah and Deepak believed in, too.

As the Importance of Mediation article interpreted, Meditation, as taught by the Buddha, was a means of taming the memory by fetching the entire range of thoughts, beliefs and physical hotshots into awareness, manufacturing the unconscious conscious.

We all know Gwyneth has consciousness on lock( or the authorities concerned of talking about it ).

So, I downloaded some meditation apps. I put a Buddhist handbook on my nightstand. Serenity, you are mine.

But then I detected myself get worked up when I had to carve out more of my treasured time to sit down and stay where you are. Isnt that what sleeping is for?

It’s hard to begin the day with loosening when I need to invigorate myself to write three papers, get to the gym, chew a few healthy meals, feed my cats and make it to academy on time.

As the lessons for inner peace educated me, if my mind began to stray, I precisely needed to come back to my breath.

Think about my sigh, should be considered my breather, in and out, in and out. Dont force it or see it.

Did this make me feel appease? Not really.

I started to feel like my breathing was labored or extremely calculated and I just wanted a snooze to escape the mediation. When I genuinely felt like I was not thinking about something, I tended to be snoring.

Sorry, again, Paltrow, but I contemplate I appear more peaceful if I meditate on what flavor ice cream Im going to have after dinner.

Yoga

I certainly experience exercising and wellness, I promise.

I is in fact one of those lunatics who wakes up roused to go to the gym, and I have to convince myself to take days off. Therefore, I was confidentI could get GOOP-y via the yoga route.

In The Basics of Yoga, Elena Brower, the founder of Virayoga in NYC, talks about increasing physical eloquence in order to reveal some kind of internal expansion.

Patience of the psyche and enjoy come out of these best practices of yoga.

I am on board with all these feelings. I want to light up and feel sweetness.

Not to mention, it would be REAL nice to be able to touch my toes with ease.

Yet, I have some sort of disconnect.

Its like the mediation, where the stillness begins to creep into my mind as an exasperation and a desire to do something else instead. I have trouble clearing my mind.

Again, I start to feel frustrated that I dont examination and experience as elegant as the instructor in the video. I wonder why the stout, old person in class can hold his leg out straighter than me.

I know it all takes practice, but I dont know if this is where I want to focus my limited quantity of free time. I dont envisage I want to trade this for a scamper or a barre class.

I bet Gwyn looks just like a goddess on her matting. I, on the other hand, definitely sounds like a mess, with my hair frizzing, my Walmart leggings and my free container meridian from a garb giveaway.

You obstruct determining your overflow, Ill stick with my storey stretchings while marathoning chapters of The Affair.

Ill Glow On My Own

I will still read all the GOOP newsletters, and weigh trying a brand-new self-massage proficiency, an eco facial or a broth-based cleanse.

However, I will also continue to remember that I am jolly splendid already.

Just because the next best health guru is telling Gwyneth Paltrow that their newest fad is the next best thing, doesn’t mean I have to follow suit.

If it doesn’t work for you, don’t continue to do it. It will simply squander your time and leave you feeling frustrated and hungry.

Trying something new doesnt mean said brand-new event will make all of my questions go away.

I’m happy for Gwyn; this lifestyle is clearly doing meditates for both their own bodies and her occupation, but I’m not going to pressure myself into someone else’s style simply to appear more comfy in my own.

At the end of the day, the health guru don’t ever know it all. No one should feel like they’re making relinquishes when they’re trying to find health and happiness.

You ascertain what obliges you feel happy and healthy — GOOP optional.

The post I Tried To Live Like Gwyneth Paltrow For A Week And I Felt Like Sh* t appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[amazingviralinfo]

Wests life and music have combined into an ongoing piece of performance art one that appears unsustainable at this pitch

In an era when the likes of Beyoncé can release perfectly formed records without warning, the saga of Kanye Wests seventh album has been comically messy. He first announced it a year ago, under the name So Help Me God, but postponed its release by several months while renaming it Swish, Waves and, finally, The Life of Pablo.

In the weeks prior to its grandiloquent live-streamed launch at Madison Square Garden on Thursday an album playback featuring celebrity guests and an army of black models debuting Wests latest Yeezy fashion line he posted a series of perplexingly self-destructive tweets on topics including his ex-girlfriend Amber Rose and Bill Cosby. Even for a man who clearly subscribes to Oscar Wildes dictum, There is only thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about, it was a bizarre display.

West, 38, is arguably the most important pop artist of his era and certainly the most compelling, for good or ill. He speaks, and indeed acts, in superlatives. In recent years he has described himself, not always entirely seriously, as the greatest living rock star on the planet, the new Steve Jobs, a potential US president and, simply, the nucleus. Inevitably, he inspires extreme reactions.

When he was booked for last years Glastonbury festival, more than 130,000 people signed a petition calling for an insult to music fans all over the world to be dropped. The vehemence of such attacks on an apologetically outspoken black man doubtless had a racist dimension but that alone does not explain why the rapper is such a uniquely polarising figure.

West was brought up to achieve great things. Born in Atlanta, Georgia, but raised in Chicago by his mother, Donda, an academic, he was given the name Kanye meaning only one Omari wise man and she taught him above all to love himself. In her memoir Raising Kanye, Donda wrote that West inherited from his father Ray, a former member of the Black Panther party, little patience for what he thinks is unjust. Wests kindergarten teacher said to Donda: Kanye certainly doesnt have any problem with self-esteem, does he?

That dude was focused since he was a shorty because he knew what he wanted to do and he had a mother who supported the shit out of him, his friend and fellow rapper GLC once told Complex magazine.

Kanye West in 2004. Photograph: Frank Micelotta/Getty Images

After enrolling at art college in 1997, West dropped out to pursue production work for the likes of Jay Z, with a signature sound based on accelerated soul samples, and then fought doggedly to be taken seriously as a rapper.

I realised that he was going to make it happen and he didnt mind being an asshole, Damon Dash, Jay Zs partner in Roc-A-Fella Records, told Complex. If you dont mind being an asshole, youre not going to lose. He wasnt scared, he had gall. A decade later, West told the New York Times: I knew I was going to make it this far; I knew that this was going to happen.

In October 2002, West was involved in a car crash that shattered his jaw and changed his life. He was convinced that God had saved his life and that he needed to write more profound lyrics. He described this epiphany in his 2003 single Through the Wire: a superheros origin story in which he emerges from a life-threatening accident stronger than ever. I knew I was dealing with a different human being after the accident, his managerGee Roberson told Complex. From that day forth, it was game on.

Unlike his mentor Jay Z, the middle-class West couldnt draw on a violent, hardscrabble youth for credibility so he had to create his own drama, trumpeting his talent and ambition to a degree that was unusual even by hip-hops self-aggrandising standards.

Im the closest that hip-hop is getting to God, he told journalists at an album playback in 2005. Talking to the Guardian afterwards, he described his florid braggadocio as both a form of self-motivation and a theatrical performance. Its like Im walking on this tightrope. Its like, damn, what if he falls? And if I do make it, its like, damn, he made it! But either way youre saying damn. Everybody else is just walking on the ground.

West backed up his rhetoric by constantly redefining what hip-hop could be. The College Dropout (2004) bridged the gulf between mainstream rappers and socially conscious underground MCs. The lavish Late Registration (2005) was co-produced by thefilm score composer Jon Brion. The Daft Punk-sampling, Nietzsche-quoting hit Stronger, from Graduation (2007), began hip-hops lucrative liaison with EDM. Most of its current stars, including Drake and Kendrick Lamar, walked through doors that West opened.

West is a tireless enthusiast with constantly expanding tastes and an ear for whats next. He has been adept at choosing collaborators, from big names such as Rihanna and Daft Punk to up-and-comers such as Arca and Kid Cudi, and taking inspiration from fashion, cinema, architecture and visual art. He is a famous perfectionist who claimed to have mixed his single Stronger 75 times before he was satisfied.

Logic would seemingly state that an album with so many people working on it would sound disjointed, but what Kanye manages to do is get the best out of everyone working towards one sound, the producer Evian Christ told Pitchfork in 2013. You cant really overstate how difficult it is to do that.

West is also an unpredictable lyricist who is equally capable of self-aware jokes, crass, misogynist punchlines and eloquent examinations of race and class. Early in his career, he spoke out against homophobia in hip-hop and blurted out George Bush doesnt care about black people during a telethon for victims of Hurricane Katrina, although he has only sporadically engaged with politics since. He is often at his best when he is being inappropriate. (Five years later, Bush called the incident the all-time low of his presidency.)

Wests behaviour changed dramatically after Donda Wests death in November 2007, from heart disease. He rarely talks about the loss but last year told Q that he blamed himself: If I had never moved to LA shed be alive. West became a more haunted and guarded figure, returning to music with 808s & Heartbreak (2008), a brave, introspective album that featured more Auto-Tuned singing than rapping and paved the way for Drake and The Weeknd.

Kanye West takes the microphone from Taylor Swift as she accepts her award during the MTV VMAs in 2009. Photograph: Jason DeCrow/Associated Press

The loss of his mother invited sympathy but the next turning point in Wests life inspired fury and derision. In 2009, he interrupted Taylor Swifts acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards, bringing to the boil a long-simmering backlash. (West ungallantly references the incident on his new song Famous.) He retreated to his bunker if Hawaii can be called a bunker and made his decadent epic My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (2010) with a legion of collaborators including Nicki Minaj, Bon Iver and Elton John. He later described it as a long backhanded apology.

In recent years, Wests ambition has become both grander and more diffuse. During interviews and concerts to promote Yeezus (2013), an audaciously abrasive electro-punk primal scream that he called a protest to music, he delivered long, furious monologues about his struggle to break into the fashion industry.

He increasingly seems more interested in clothes than in music Right now, over 70% of my focus is on apparel, he told Paper magazine and much more besides. He has compared himself to such world-changing figures as Picasso and Walt Disney, befriended the tech stargazer Elon Musk, and talked about his ambition to inspire an army of risk-taking cultural soldiers. You can see the growth from Im gonna be this great artist to I wanna do something that ignites a fire in peoples souls, he told Q.

However much credit West gets, it is never enough. In a 2013 interview he compared his critics to the eight-grade basketball coach who would not include him in the team even though he hit every shot. The next year, he made the team. West is driven by the desire to prove his doubters wrong, and fired up by his previous ability to do so.

While most high-profile artists accept that they cannot please everybody, West craves approval from establishment institutions that he appears to hate, from the Grammy awards to European fashion houses, as a point of principle. I dont care about the Grammys, he told the New York Times. I just would like for the statistics to be more accurate.

It is unclear what will happen when West can no longer hit every shot. The singles he released last year, including collaborations with Paul McCartney, were coolly received. His Glastonbury performance promised to be either a triumph or a disaster but, most reviewers agreed, fell somewhere in-between. Pitchforks Jayson Greene wrote: He is responsible for the current zeitgeist, but listening to his slightly confused new material, you get the distinct sense that hes struggling to find his current footing in it.

Reading Wests recent tweets, it is impossible to work out exactly what he is trying to achieve. He is clearly a more volatile and erratic character than he used to be. Marriage and fatherhood are often stabilising influences but marrying Kim Kardashian in 2014 has pitched West into a tabloid world with an endless appetite for gossip. It is unlikely that he could retreat from the spotlight, as he did in 2009, even if he wanted to.

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Kanye West releases album and fashion collection at Madison Square Garden

His life and music have combined into an ongoing piece of performance art which is unsustainable at this pitch. No artist can remain the nucleus of pop culture indefinitely. One day, this extraordinarily successful figure will face the new challenge of learning to cope with no longer being the man everyone is talking about.

Potted profile

Born: Kanye Omari West, on 8 June 1977 in Atlanta, Georgia

Career: Began producing music for local Chicago rappers in his teens and landed his first high-profile job in 1999. Launched his solo career with The College Dropout in 2004. Has released six platinum albums, won 21 Grammy awards, designed several clothing lines, and featured twice on the Time 100 list of the most influential people in the world. Runs the record label Good Music and the creative content company Donda.

High point: Bouncing back with his magnum opus My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy in 2010 after his snafu at the Video Music Awards temporarily derailed his career: even Barack Obama called him a jackass. In December 2014, Pitchfork named it the best album of the decade so far.

Low point: The death of his mother in 2007, soon followed by his split from fiancee Alexis Phifer.

What he says: I will die for the art, for what I believe in, and the art aint always going to be polite.

What they say: Hes a brilliant madman. He cant help himself. Like, he doesnt have the same filters other people have. He has to blurt things out hes always saying inappropriate stuff. But he also has brilliant ideas, if you can get him to pay attention long enough Madonna.

[apsbicepstraining]

I Tried To Live Like Gwyneth Paltrow For A Week And I Felt Like Sh* t

I go through phases where I try to be best available form of myself — the holy beacon of light version of myself.

It’s the one who is peaceful and perhaps has defined abs.

I feel like I dont have too far to get there.

I have a lifetime of restraint, so I dont struggle with booze. Ive never inhaled a cigarette and I dont live in a major metropolis, so my lungs are in the clear.

Essentially, whenever Gwyneth Paltrows health and fitness newsletter, GOOP, comes into my inbox every week, I find the advocate to devour what shes feeing and brighten like she is glowing.

In an attempt to become the best, physically healthiest version of myself, I took a shot at glowingjust like Gwyneth Paltrow.

The result? It constituted me feel like sh* t.

Here’s what I did to complete this “healthy” diet TAGEND

Cutting Out Sugar

Sugar is my weakness; it is my vice.

Truly, in my knowledge, dinners are just a direction between treats.

Therefore, I prevented was of the view that if I could just predominate in my stunning sweet tooth( or all theteeth ), I would be the healthiest eater alive.

According to the Goop article on Overcoming Sugar Addiction, our figures dont fare well with loadings of carbohydrate, as the plunges and spikes stress our adrenals. You get anxious, sulky( sugar is a mood-altering narcotic) and eventually you feel exhausted.

Plus, according to the World Health Organization, obesity, heart disease and diabetes are only some of the unfortunate side effects associated with excess sugar intake.

So, I spent one week not devouring dessert, which I defined as all the items listed in the Wikipedia entering for the word.

Off restraints: patties, prostitutes, cookies, pastries, ice creams, pies, puddings, custards, mousses, sugars, brownies, cupcakes.

I never eat plain return as dessert. I tend to have it with snacks or as a health snack, so I didnt to be taken into account dessert in this sense.

My removal of dessert morphed into eating more savory junk food.

I typically shun bread-dense banquets, like sandwiches and pizza. I likewise never pray pasta or cheeseburgers. This week I had pizza, garlic rolls and a sub sandwich.

Bread became my new siren song and left me feeling uncomfortable all week.

My body didnt know what to do with the void of dessert, so I replenished in the spaces with garlic butter and chips.

Gwyn, this isnt working.

No sweeteneds have ever became me feel like a beached whale. Plus, the stress of figuring out what to do with my dessert occasion left home with just as many zits.

Daily Meditation

Mental clarity seemed like the next step to attempt this greatness.

After all, it was looking like I could be zen and content in less than 30 minutes per day if I tried , no paraphernalium compelled. GOOP had a whole sheet of apps and exercises that Oprah and Deepak believed in, too.

As the Importance of Mediation article interpreted, Meditation, as taught by the Buddha, was a means of taming the memory by fetching the entire range of thoughts, beliefs and physical hotshots into awareness, manufacturing the unconscious conscious.

We all know Gwyneth has consciousness on lock( or the authorities concerned of talking about it ).

So, I downloaded some meditation apps. I put a Buddhist handbook on my nightstand. Serenity, you are mine.

But then I detected myself get worked up when I had to carve out more of my treasured time to sit down and stay where you are. Isnt that what sleeping is for?

It’s hard to begin the day with loosening when I need to invigorate myself to write three papers, get to the gym, chew a few healthy meals, feed my cats and make it to academy on time.

As the lessons for inner peace educated me, if my mind began to stray, I precisely needed to come back to my breath.

Think about my sigh, should be considered my breather, in and out, in and out. Dont force it or see it.

Did this make me feel appease? Not really.

I started to feel like my breathing was labored or extremely calculated and I just wanted a snooze to escape the mediation. When I genuinely felt like I was not thinking about something, I tended to be snoring.

Sorry, again, Paltrow, but I contemplate I appear more peaceful if I meditate on what flavor ice cream Im going to have after dinner.

Yoga

I certainly experience exercising and wellness, I promise.

I is in fact one of those lunatics who wakes up roused to go to the gym, and I have to convince myself to take days off. Therefore, I was confidentI could get GOOP-y via the yoga route.

In The Basics of Yoga, Elena Brower, the founder of Virayoga in NYC, talks about increasing physical eloquence in order to reveal some kind of internal expansion.

Patience of the psyche and enjoy come out of these best practices of yoga.

I am on board with all these feelings. I want to light up and feel sweetness.

Not to mention, it would be REAL nice to be able to touch my toes with ease.

Yet, I have some sort of disconnect.

Its like the mediation, where the stillness begins to creep into my mind as an exasperation and a desire to do something else instead. I have trouble clearing my mind.

Again, I start to feel frustrated that I dont examination and experience as elegant as the instructor in the video. I wonder why the stout, old person in class can hold his leg out straighter than me.

I know it all takes practice, but I dont know if this is where I want to focus my limited quantity of free time. I dont envisage I want to trade this for a scamper or a barre class.

I bet Gwyn looks just like a goddess on her matting. I, on the other hand, definitely sounds like a mess, with my hair frizzing, my Walmart leggings and my free container meridian from a garb giveaway.

You obstruct determining your overflow, Ill stick with my storey stretchings while marathoning chapters of The Affair.

Ill Glow On My Own

I will still read all the GOOP newsletters, and weigh trying a brand-new self-massage proficiency, an eco facial or a broth-based cleanse.

However, I will also continue to remember that I am jolly splendid already.

Just because the next best health guru is telling Gwyneth Paltrow that their newest fad is the next best thing, doesn’t mean I have to follow suit.

If it doesn’t work for you, don’t continue to do it. It will simply squander your time and leave you feeling frustrated and hungry.

Trying something new doesnt mean said brand-new event will make all of my questions go away.

I’m happy for Gwyn; this lifestyle is clearly doing meditates for both their own bodies and her occupation, but I’m not going to pressure myself into someone else’s style simply to appear more comfy in my own.

At the end of the day, the health guru don’t ever know it all. No one should feel like they’re making relinquishes when they’re trying to find health and happiness.

You ascertain what obliges you feel happy and healthy — GOOP optional.

The post I Tried To Live Like Gwyneth Paltrow For A Week And I Felt Like Sh* t appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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