#also isnt that podcast thing supposed to be today...

[sunscall]

urg..hhhh..... i love him

[mazzystar24]

List of characters of one tree hill that you can not convince me didn’t have some gay (bisexual) shit going on: (in no particular order)

• Chris Keller and chase adams now I don’t necessarily ship them I don’t really care who they end up with but listen LISTEN I know they tried to sell us the line and hyper sexual hyper masculine shit BUTTTTT here is my evidence :

“I don’t think Chris Keller is the type to have girlfriends (why?) have you seen his hair?” -chase

“Take it from me it’s a guy and girl thing” - also chase in response to Mia saying she thought it was guys with guitars that are supposed to be hot

Also would like to point out these men were literally in bed together (granted it was due to an implied 4some but that’s not exactly very straight bros thing to do baes)

Also finally I would like to submit them at the basketball game at the end cheering for their son (chuck) -don’t come for me I know this isnt true and is just my headcanon but it’s still evidence in my eyes

• Peyton sawyer

She gets the big font for a reason my bestie was the most blatantly bisexual unconfirmed bisexual it was unreal even the actresses all agreed on the podcast

I don’t have to list reasons I don’t have to provide any further explanation on her you know and I know that she’s as straight as her hair in season 1

• Brooke Davis

This woman walked around blatantly talking about wanting to sleep with women and not a single soul questioned it

The amount of gay as fuck comments she makes are astounding

E.g. through the list Julian found online of people the tabloids claimed she has been with and she was like (paraphrasing) “never been with her but I would” and so much more that I can’t think of rn

Casually skinny dipping with Peyton and then years later she gives Julian her diary from that year then she realises and her eyes go wide and she looks for a specific page and rips it out AND EATS IT and when Julian asks what it is she says it was about her and Peyton fishing!??? Bro come on, you can not and will not convince me that as much as I love Brooke and Julian that if one tree hill was made today that Brooke and Peyton could’ve been the much better couple

• Quinn James

Specifically the episode with the model

You know where she was like how can I make this shoot more interesting? Oh I’ll make it gay

Also that model had a thing for her

[wherestarsfallaway]

I feel like this is a scary place. It holds some of my deepest hurtful memories. Memories of anger and spite. Memories of loneliness and sadness. It holds everything I wish to forget. Yet why do i find rereading my horrible thoughts so comforting?

Is it because I’m so goddamn alone that reading someones darkness… even if its my own.. feels comforting. Because someone out there is feeling that darkness too. Except. Its all just me anyway. Sometimes i feel like I come back here because I can look at these memories and think wow but I dont feel like that any more… so ive healed and grown.

Sometimes… I come back here to read all my thoughts about being hurt. And literally validate myself. Reread those thoughts and think ok. Well. She documented this years ago. So it mustve actually happened. Instead gas lighting away my own hurt. And chalking it up to nothing because thats easier

Today is the 20th.. well 21st now of December. In a few short days itll be christmas time and ill be back at my parents. I typed home first. But… i just really cant consider that true.

It hurts me so so much that I can’t truly love my family. It just does. I have this fantasy that I go on a podcast and I admit all the trauma I grew up with and people comment on that video that they understand and thank me for my vulnerability. What the therapist in me says that means is, i just want to be asked how Im actually doing and feeling for once without lying. And then get the chance to vent my true feelings. And then be thanked for being honest and vulnerable because I never got that experience growing up.

Its so complicated. There are months even that we are fine. Months where i think life is okay. Months where i finally feel like ive moved on and learned to get over all this bullshit. But that isnt true. And i fucking know it. Because the smallest randomest things will trigger me and I realize I havent healed at all. Im just hoping that the passage of time will dull the pain. But it wont. At least not fast enough for me.

I want to elope. And thats mainly because I feel like the only people who truly made me safe deserve to be there on my biggest most special day. And that person happens to be the person im actually marrying. And literally no one else. Why should I pay for people who didnt do the absolute bare minimum to celebrate my day? What did you do to earn the plate of my dinner because this isnt some fucking charity event.

I just saw someone say if youre considering ending it all because you think your family will be better off, dont because it isnt true. Yeah. I sometimes feel that. Ive felt both. Ive felt that sheer loneliness so deep and bitter that i think my family will be better off without me. But other days I know it would ruin them and that makes me happier because I actually wanna end it all out of sheer spite. Can you believe that. Sometimes. I was so angry at it all. Angry at the facade everyone else seemed to believe about us being the perfect family, that i wanted to die just so people would have to attend my funeral and realize what a shitshow it all was. Can you imagine how much fucking pain you have to put someone through for that to literally be their dying wish.

I’ve been paying rent on my own for months now. Which. At some level I understand. Im grown. But im literaly addicted to living here on my own because im terrified now of ruining the one space that makes me happy. If i have to hold my breath any longer Ill just pass away. I cant stand to compromise any more because I’ve just done this shit for too fucking long. I dont wanna hold my breath and tiptoe around my own house. I wanna relax and feel something other than anxiety in the space thats supposed to be my home. But im also exhausted. I finished my final two days ago but I’ve already worked so many hours. Ive been falling asleep midday because Im so emotionally exhausted. I just cant.

And meanwhile my family is fucking partying in las vegas. That shit builds so much resentment in me. I dont have to explain it. You know it. You understand. You dont wanna feel the betrayal anymore of knowing you were going thru a crisis just as deep and bad as your sister. But you just shut your mouth better about it. And nobody ever apologized for what they put you through. So you dont ever get closure.

At this point im so tired and sad I cant even continue this letter. Even though i have so much I want to get off my chest. My head hurts. My head hurts so bad from staring at a screen for 9 hours.

I have the sinking feeling this xmas season… sigh. I dont want to manifest it. But I wish I didnt have to go. I wish I could spend that week here. I’m tired. I barely have the strength to do anything anymore. And now Ill have to spend this break pretending. I wish I didnt want their approval so much. And i wish I could just let them go and live the life i truly want to live. Im tired.

Sometimes I fantasize about moving somewhere in secret. Turning off my location. And just vanishing. So i would have no more obligations.

But i never get what i want.. so heres to more hopeless dreams

Gnight

[zak-shit]

July 22 Shit DUMP

Feeling okay, a bit restless, not quite relaxed. My eyes could go for a long shut right now honestly. I'm allowing myself to drop the worry about starting school for the weekend. Right now there isnt much I can do about it. Tomorrow I have work and a show to go watch. I was supposed to finally get together with some coworkers and watch the show tonight. But,,, I couldn't. Soo I may be going tomorrow evening alone instead. I'm defiantly going to go, but will try and see if anyone would like to go with me...

Got to have a good kiki with Joshua today, It was nice to get some good time in together. I'm kinda worried about him, I know he'll be okay, but he doesn't seem all too mentally well.... hmm. This evening I've gotten to spend time with Rue. Ran some errands so we had a little car ride time. Planning on watching the newest drew and enya podcast. So far she's having trouble getting off the tik tok scratchers live. I been there though with my sims streamers on twitch. I mean I spent my 20th birthday a streamer singing happy bday to me.

Willow is doing great with training and being the bestest pup ever. Gotten much better a potty. Improving significantly with the jumping on people. Even have had great crate times. There have been a hand full of times recently that I have gotten home and she doesn't freak out in the crate at all. She sits and waits patiently. Next is getting her to listen better with "come here" and "go" Still, she's been amazing among all of the step backs <3

I bought cigs again... Have went through nearly half a pack in a day.. i'm currently inside writing this and also craving a vape hit. I'll just live off of vape air if I have access to it all the time. Yes it would be liiiiit to quit completely. and I'll stop here and there... one day. One day is not right now though, I've got so much change all around. Nicotine is one of the most consistent things lol. so stupid but its true.

I'm attempting to create a consistent use of my notes app for todo lists, and reminders for many things throughout the day. I think I need to customize them to be a little less constant. Bc the truth is, I dont actually have a full todo lists every day. I mean I always have things to do. I can adjust it to benefit my life a bit more impactfull.

Anyways, the day is coming to a close, and it has been nice. Almost midnight (5 till) I hope Rue still wants to listen to the podcast.

Tomorrow will be a great day <3 xoxo zakery quinn

[pbandjesse]

I had a really nice day today. I am still trying to push down my guilt feelings. But I accomplished things today and that felt good. 

But I slept really bad again. Well not bad. But I couldnt fall asleep until closer to 230 then I would have liked. Which caused me to sleep until after 10 and I hate that so much. But James came in the room and he had a really good energy around him today and that helped my mood a lot. 

I got a shower and when I got out he got a bagel in the toaster for me. I felt cute. But I had slept on my arm weird and was just sort of aching. But I tried to be positive. I kept working on my house on animal crossing. Still have to order a bunch of more walls!!! But so far so good. I am going to try to figure out how to take little videos again.

James decided it was nice enough to actually go for a bike ride and not just ride in our apartment. Once he left I decided I would start the class Alexi asked me to do to get a certificate and it was supposed to take about 2 hours. But it ended up taking barely an hour. It was interesting but in general I didnt learn much new. Wash hands. High touch areas. That kind of thing. But I passed the test and was done just as James was getting home. 

I felt really tired. He got a shower and made himself lunch and I just laid in bed and watched videos. I was hoping he would come lay with me but it was later in the afternoon then I thought it was, so next time he came in the room he was saying goodbye. So I was a little sad. He told me he would be home late because a friend is moving across the country and they are going to hang out a little after work. And he asked me to keep an eye on his sourdough starter. I need to put it in the fridge when it gets to a certain line. But he still isnt there yet so I just keep waiting. 

Once James left I wasnt sure what to do. I felt like I needed to get out of here. But I also didnt know what I wanted to do. It was way nicer outside then I had thought. So I took my sweater off and wore my denim shirt and I was very pleased. I love this shirt but I dont wear it much because its to warm when its warm and its to cold when its cold. But today was perfect for it. 

I thought I was going to drive out to target. But once I was outside I realized I absolutely did not want to drive. So instead I just walked around the neighborhood. Even though I am not a bug fan of our neighborhood right now. I wish the cafes were open even for take out. But they arent. I dont know if they will ever reopen and that makes me sad. But I did enjoy my walk. I saw lots of really pretty flowers and listened to a podcast and just enjoyed my time outside. 

I walked back towards home and wandered around the walgreens and the grocery store. I got mac and cheese and donuts. But once I got home I decided to have nachos instead. 

I did some cleaning after I finished eating. I did the dishes and I vacuumed and wiped down surfaces. I had the backdoor open and I went out to grab a towel I had drying out there and saw that our tomato garden had like 6 inches of water in it!! That couldnt be good. So I carefully tipped the water out but accidently snapped one of the steams. So then I had to go find some sticks and tape to try to prop it up. Everything smelt really nice from the basil but I will be sad if I murdered that one little stalk. 

I spent some time laying in the studio. Doing some research. I picked out some outfits. And I put a few things away in the closets. It has been a pretty chill night and I feel good actually. I hope I can carry this feeling. I always do. 

Its still early. I dont know what I am going to do with the rest of it. Im watching some scary videos now. As I do. And tomorrow me and James are going to go to a pumpkin farm? I hope that works out. Regardless it will be good to just spend a day with James. 

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Take care of eachother!!

[neonwizardheehee]

personal rant & brain dump bc I’m listening to bigbang and feel emo:

so i have a few topics that are circling my mind thus this will get messy (as usual hahaha)

- music as I said I’m listening to bb and the way I wanna cry??? mainly bc i miss my sis talking about them and being all happy and proud.. and just her in general v.v I feel like i overdid her with kpop and that doesn’t feel good. i was supposed to be the baby but i got too invested and now i am so damn invested i scare her :((( it makes me so sad :( but idk how to stop.(current mood & playing: let’s not fall in love) 

 - romance the new girls i met here are so different from the friends i have bc they are extroverts. i never had extroverts as friends before so i feel blessed now. we only met recently but they already were so open to me about things no one ever told me. like 3/4 girls i met talked to me about their first time and BOI i was so glad that we casually talked about it bc my other friends wouldn’t do that in a million years bc they are too shy. it really felt good. also no one judged me which was very reassuring. albeit me feeling a bit dumb bc i couldn’t really add to the convo but apparently I get better at listening ig? also that made me think that sex and dating shouldn’t be such an “important” topic as it is with my friends before. one friend sees it as an achievement to have a s/o but doesn’t talk about it or either brags (kskssk giiirl that’s so funny yet annoying XD yes u can be proud of your boi and brag bc i’m here for that bc i’m just so happy for you but ... not at random moments XDD). this made me realize how ppl refer to their s/o when talking to others. bc my friends who are very chill with their relationship always say their name while said friend (and ofc some others where having a relationship is important) always say “my bf/gf” or “ex” when that specific info is not relevant to the story they are telling XD

anyways it also made me realize how BAD i am with talking about my own feelings and wishes. since talking about my worries feels like complaining and i am good at that - but it feels random and uninteresting for anyone to hear i think to myself (it prob isnt). i feel so smol when asked about that topic and all i wanna answer is “???”. even if there is no pressure. idk why I’m like this and it makes me feel sorry for the people around me :( I’m so confused and idk what the question is. i can do better with writing but idk why but i wanna find out one day hahah. maybe i should just ask my new friends for advice since they are not judging me and i trust them and want to learn to be better with that. altho there’s this thought that I’m uncapable of love which frightens me a lot. I know i’m okay without it and i don’t mind but i feel so sorry for the people who like me? it also might be natural and I’m just stressing myself over nothing so idk what to ask and do -since you can’t force love right? i mean i don’t really believe in love at first sight i guess but rather spending time with that person and liking them a lot. so id why I’m pressuring myself so much with this :( maybe i am just too scared? or maybe i am anticipating too much? it all could be possible bc for everyone love is different and every relationship is different. so it’s mostly me feeling sorry for not giving back as much as i should and could :( - that’s also the reason why I’m so pro polyamorus relationships bc I know I’m not enough and idk how and if i want to fix that bc idk the rules bc there are none hahhaha - but also that makes me feel good bc i know i’m not responsible for someone’s happiness. i am too egoistical and these thoughts work as a self-protecting mechanism I KNOW that’s why i do this. so i’m not stressing myself even more. i just feel so unfairly precious when someone genuinely praises me when we’re just two ppl and no one else :( might be bc i don’t understand that feeling yet. i def want to know that but also i’m scared that it’d take me down a road where i loose myself (for some foolish reason idk why). so in the end ig I keep trying and get used to that (i already made loads of progress this year so ig i shouldn’t feel like I’m being too slow)

- studying okay so next topic is also just me feeling like i do too few. this week went quite okay and i managed to study on out study server everyday (ofc i had my bad days but i still at least smth). well yesterday i hastily did some vocab and then teh whole day i spend with friends & kpop... like LITERALLY until the night. a friend of mine was proud of me for taking a break (me too yesterday) but today i don’t feel good about that :( i missed so much. i’m scared it’ll kick me out of my study routine (since it was so hard to get my ass down to study itself!). i really want to be the person who’s studying every day and feel good about that. so since i have another thing planned today i don’t think i’ll get much done today as well :(((( i just wanna be a wise guy who knows a lot T.T i already made progress i know but... i want more.. i really wanna do well here and not be stuck behind like i was for the past 6 years :( i wanna have ambition again and not just pass... i kind of hope i can manage to study at nights on days like this but also i need my sleep so i stil have to find a solution for that. bc even tho i regret not studying as much i don’t regret hanging out with people. that’s smth i missed out in my first semester and so important in times like this were I’m stuck on my own. 

- religion so i have one christian friend here and yesterday we talked about church services and stuff like that and it was cool learning how it’s with her bc she goes to a very modern church (instead of me going to a traditional one 4 times a year). Suddenly i got sad tho and felt like crying :( even tho she was just stating her opinion i felt attacked and wanted to cry. after some thinking i think it’s just the way we are used to talking about religion bc we both grew up in an area where religion is looked down onto. for me .. i turned to myself and made up my own thoughts and beliefs bc i am too scared to talk and ask someone about it bc of all the accusations around me. religion was not smth to be discussed and only smth for yourself and maybe your family for me. the girl had to fight her way through all the “churches are old and fucked up and scary” things and since she goes to a modern one has good reasoning against them - that’s perfectly understandable and I’m so proud of her for speaking up like that. but like... it hit me on thw wrong side bc i am used to these old traditions and kind of like them even :( so it felt like she was insulting me. even tho she wasn’t.  i just dont know how to talk about religion and how to practice reading the bible or praying and hearing her talk about how she does all these things.. makes me feel invalid :( it’s like the only thing that i have is that i was raised a christian. but y’know for me it was okay since i learned in school not to practice or show my religion.. so idk how to do it... and i feel baby and sad if i have to ask her for some reason. i tried to look up this on the internet but ofc everyone is even more crazily involved there and it scares me SO much. so i unfollowed everyone hahah. i also have this one podcast but i still feel bad bc i’m not able to really read the bible on my own ig :( these days I’m just blaming it on the translation that i have but deep down i know it’s me who’s not able to ask questions at the text. maybe i should try to talk to someone... my sis who’s also in the same situation as me... or said girl to take me along and feel like a complete newbie and a little bit like an outcast bc religion for me is so different than to her.

- christmas i really enjoy the christmas spirit but i also already wanna cry if i think about gifts. i hate that i have so many people i love and will prob get smth from them so i have to make smth in return. i am overwhelmed and scared already. i didn’t even make a list yet T.T feels like i should block time to figure out gifts in my schedule bc I’m just putting it off more and more :( and also i already feel sorry for everyone bc they will get shitty gifts bc I’m so bad at this :(

[cantbetoolemony]

unlisted/hard to find sorted viddies

now cook it ads i knead my dough sausage shake hot potatoes avocado-phobia

ben’s vlogs

lost and hungry snapchat stories 1 2 3 4 black chicken mushroom coffee kefir at home buying indian sweets making tofu

lost + hungry (some of these were decently glitchy when i watched so shoot me a msg if theyre Not glitchy for you or if you know how to resolve it) the Rules get involved here we go travelling to nyc coming to la scouting for meet ups officially lost and hungry incl. today show clip

today show lost+hungry la tacos austin brisket clam chowder bit of an intro vid “sorted teams up w today” eating tour of new orleans taste test clam chowder chicken and waffles

intros  mike jamie ben barry jon

bloopers celebrate out of the city 9 tips to make ur food better brothers riedell 5 ingredient chocolate cake

hidden recipe vids (most of these are from around 2012) vegan falafel balls (barry and ben) cinnamon beaver tails (ben and mike, barry has a Moment) fluffy strawberry mousse (barry, ben, and jon) secret veggie pasta bake (ben and jamie) creamy mushroom polenta (barry and ben) posh beans on toast (ben and jamie) vegetarian bean burgers (barry, ben, and jamie) pumpkin and pecan pie (barry, ben, and jamie) mediterranean halloumi and vegetables (ben and jamie) honeycomb with chocolate (barry and ben, jamie cameo) moroccan chicken tagine (barry and jon) beef in black bean (ben and jamie) spaghetti bolognaise (barry, ben, and jamie) chicken and mango curry (ben and jamie) greek salmon parcels (barry, ben, and jamie) indian salmon hash (barry and ben) poached salmon n watercress sauce (ben and jamie) breakfast muffins (barry, ben, and jamie) courgette and tarragon rosti with chicken (barry and ben) apple and ham eggs benny (ben, jamie, and mike) lemon zebra shortbread (barry and ben) stuffed chicken ballotine (ben and jamie) cosmo fool (barry, ben, and jamie) bbq cola steak (barry, ben, and jamie) “guilt free” banana crumble (ben and jamie) churros w chocolate coffee sauce (barry and ben) lemon meringue pie (barry and ben) mushroom and bacon canneloni (barry, ben, and jamie) salmon courgette linguini (ben and jamie) miso steak salad (barry and ben) bloody mary soup (ben and jamie) sticky maple duck (barry and ben)

other this ones an update but also mike sings a little handyman barry that you didnt know you needed an entry to a yt competition w great discussion of sorted’s origins cookware promo (barry ben and mike bants) nyc meet up announcement live recipe lab going deep with james ask jamie anything ask ben anything ask mike anything cooking gap 1 2 3 how to not make a cooking show 5 gadgets no one needs 2 electric boogaloo golf gets sorted uptown dunk (dough.... doughdoughdough) goodwood revival 

hard to find/not fully unlisted do u wanna build a snowman big night in - going solo  (this is the first in a series, the rest can only be watched with membership) big night in - livestream (hefty few hours) intro to chocolate series (discussion of mike’s travel curse) grilled podcast (aka first dates with mike, no need to be a member, about an hour long each) grilled 2.0 (gotta be a member for most of them, but you can listen to jamie’s) the @ the table series

aftertaste videos (this will be a .... long time til its complete) fridgecam q&a (after the caramel oaty bars vid) mike’s interview w the genie from aladdin (after the disney battle) chef’s table, maroon edition charlie mcdonnel grilled going out for taiwanese vlog 3 sauces for pizza chefs table w mike sri lankan hoppers jamie and mike make marmalade anatomy of a cow (jamie) fried chicken bounty bar samosas  garlic bread fried eggs james testing avo egg cups granola w ben perfect smoothie  more marshmallows better mashed potatoes british scones perfect pancakes ben’s cheesy challenge franken-donut  speccy fridge cam dating horror stories chefs houses electric shock cupcake decorating

on other channels halloween makeup (this isnt hidden at all, but i feel like some people would miss it by virtue of it not being on the sorted channel 😔 ) another makeup viddy sdkfj the infamous YEHAW video (watch it. you need to.) “one sortedfood guy and his piano”  well. mikes in it technically not quite a ted talk but man its close blindfold chocolate test chancellors teachers band (MIKE ! playing! music!) beginners get sorted book trailer vidcon 2011 backstage barry and jamie exhibiting some gd behaviour w the youtube button mike and rob singing i suppose? (i think mike is like, back up but idk im bad w voices)

there are a few videos with someone w negative aspects and from what i can tell things that surfaced were after these videos came out but ig thats the necessary disclaimer as to why they might be unlisted 1 2 3

[tennesseeprelawland]

Fans Worry For Britney Spears’ Autonomy And Well-Being

By Abigail Morici, Rhodes College Class of 2021

July 30, 2020

Recently, Britney Spears fans have been spreading a “#FreeBritney” conspiracy campaign across online platforms. The hashtag originated in 2009 on a fan site, expressing concern over the restraints of Spears’s conservatorship, butin April, fans revived it, raising more concerns over the conservatorship as well as Spears’s well-being. [1] As of July 23, more than 230,000 fans have signed a petition against the conservatorship. [2]

A conservatorship is essentially a guardianship for a person who is ruled “incompetent by reason of a physical or mental infirmity or age.” [3] The conservator can care for the conservatee’s physical and mental well-being and/or their finances. [2] After Spears’s highly publicized mental breakdown in 2008, Jamie Spears, Spears’s father, was appointed her conservator over both her financial and personal lives. [2] Andrew Wallet, a lawyer, was appointed as another conservator for Spears. The court also appointed another to review the conservatorship to ensure that there was no abuse of power. [3]

Wallet, who “is credited with reinventing [Spears’s] career and getting her affairs back on track,” resigned in March 2019. [4] The resignation left Jamie Spears as sole conservator until he stepped down temporarily in September 2019 due to health issues. In the meantime, a professional conservator has been appointed, and in May, the conservatorship was extended to August 22. [2, 5]

The “#FreeBritney” movement claims that this conservatorship, which has lasted for twelve years, is against Spears’s wishes. According to this theory, Spears has been communicating through clues in song lyrics, music videos, social media posts, tour props, and photo shoots,that she is under distress. Because of these supposed clues, the conspiracy theorists have accused Spears’s father and lawyer of abusing theconservatorship, manipulating Spears, and depriving her of her autonomy. [2]

Fans have gone as far as to rally outside of court hearings with signs reading the hashtag. [6] In a Facebook post that has since been flagged as containing false information, Brandon Hase wrote, “So, when everyone sees her on Instagram walking up and down her hallways like it’s a fashion show. That’s all she is allowed to do. She has NEVER had control over her life. I don’t care if you personally like her or her music, NO ONE DESERVES THIS.”[7]

Nevertheless, the “#FreeBritney” campaign has been put under scrutiny for spreading false information.USA Today released a “fact check” on the issue—particularly as to why the conservatorship has lasted so long. “According to the file,” it reads,“Spears’ lawyer Samuel Ingham said she was not present at a September hearing because she ‘does not object’ [to the conservatorship].” [2]

Moreover, USA Today debunked claims of Jamie Spears taking financial advantage of the conservatorship by receiving a $100,000 salary for acting as conservator. As Los Angeles lawyer Troy Martin said to USA Today:

He has to file every year an accounting of all of her finances, and though some documents are redacted, they show that under his control her estate has gone up between $28 million and $47 million, which is substantial…It doesn't sound like a situation in which she is being taken advantage of. [2]

In June 2019, Jamie Spears sued Anthony Elia, who propagated “Free Britney” rumors on his “Absolute Britney” blog, for defamation. [8] By the end of the year, the court granted Spears’ father an injunction against the blogger. [9]

Spears’s brother Bryan said in an interview with As NOT Seen On TV Podcast that the conservatorship has “been a great thing for our family.” But he also admitted that Britney “always wanted to get out of it. It's very frustrating to have…Whether someone's coming in peace to help or coming in with an attitude, having someone constantly tell you to do something has got to be frustrating. She's wanted to get out of it for quite some time.” [5]

Under California law,Spears reserves the right to petition the court to remove her conservator though a judge may ask the court investigator to evaluate the conservatee’s case and condition to ensure the right decision. [10] So far, there has been no official public record of Spears petitioning the court to do so, since the proceedings of her conservatorship have been relatively private. Even so, in California, “if the conservatee does not take direct action, the court will periodically send a person, called a court investigator, to see the conservatee, to inquire about his or her circumstances and desires, and to advise the conservatee of his or her rights.” [2]

As a conservatee, Spears also retains the right to take part in important decisions that affect her personal and financial lives as well as the right to ask questions and express concerns about these decisions. [11]“The conservatorship is not a jail,” Spears’ manager Larry Rudolph said in May 2019. “It helps Britney make business decisions and manage her life in ways she can’t do on her own right now.” [2]

At the same time, however, California courts do suggest alternatives to conservatorships in situations that depend on the person’s physical and mental health. These can include court authorization for medical treatment, informal personal care arrangements, power of attorney, and living trusts. [10] Still, the public does not fully know the situation of Britney Spears’ mental health, since she reserves the right to keep it private. As her sister Jamie Lynn wrote in an Instagram post:

If you deal with mental illness or care for someone dealing with mental illness, then you know how important it is to respect the situation with privacy for the person, and the family trying to protect their loved ones, no matter how it may appear to the public, and as the public we must learn to do the same. [12]

________________________________________________________________

[1] Jacobs, Julia. “What Is Actually Happening With Britney Spears?” The New York Times, 17 May 2019, https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/17/arts/music/britney-spears-conservatorship-mental-health.html.

[2] Devon, Link. “Fact check: Britney Spears’ 12-year-long conservatorship is not taking advantage of her.” USA Today, 22 July 2020, https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2020/07/22/fact-check-britney-spears-conservatorship-isnt-manipulating-her/5430229002/.

[3] “Conservatorships Law and Legal Definition.” US Legal, https://definitions.uslegal.com/c/conservatorships/.

[4] The Blast Staff. “Britney Spears’ Father Left as Sole Conservator of Her Estate After Lawyer Resigns.” Blast, 27 March 2019, https://theblast.com/britney-spears-lawyer-resigns-conservatorship/.

[5] Mizoguchi, Karen. “Britney Spears’ Brother Speaks Out About Conservatorship: ‘She’s Always Wanted to Get Out of It.’” People, 23 July 2020, https://people.com/music/britney-spears-brother-speaks-out-about-conservatorship/.

[6] “Britney Spears: What exactly is the #FreeBritney campaign?” BBC News, 22 July 2020, https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-53494405.

[7] Hase, Brandon. Facebook, 8 July 2020, https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=3526190540744007&set=a.167936553236106&type=3&theater.

[8] Dalton, Andrew. “Britney Spears’ conservatorship sues blogger for defamation over #FreeBritney.” USA Today, 26 June 2019, https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2019/06/26/britney-spears-conservatorship-sues-blogger-defamation/1577991001/.

[9] Gifford, Storm. “Britney Spears’ dad wins injunction against ‘Absolute Britney’ blogger.” New York Daily News, 21 December 2019, https://www.nydailynews.com/snyde/ny-britney-spears-blogger-20191222-7r4plakjsvgbhayty4veauj244-story.html.

[10] “Conservatorship.” California Courts: The Judicial Branch of California, https://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-conservatorship.htm?rdeLocaleAttr=en.

[11] Handbook for Conservators. https://www.courts.ca.gov/documents/handbook.pdf.

[12] Boucher, Ashley. “Jamie Lynn Spears Defends Sister Britney: ‘She Is a Strong, Badass, Unstoppable Woman.’” People, 21 July 2020, https://people.com/music/jamie-lynn-spears-defends-sister-britney/.

Photo Credit: Glenn Francis

[tamiddyinyourcity]

WHOOHOO NOTHING MATTERS

Things on my mind:

A terrible nightmare about my ex reminds me of why I specifically hated him so much when it all ended (really didnt need yet another big chunk of my memory missing, and it all happened since he couldnt communicate like a fucking adult)

Making content just for niggas to not watch it..... for fucks sake

Overall depression about how fucked my sleep schedule has gotten

Unsure of if I genuinely like Rowan without sex. I probably do, but he's become a lot more distant lately. One can say "its only been a week and hes been juggling like three different friendships with suicidal and very depressed people outside of me", but geez, even today we are not talking......

And yeah, kinda still gives me the idea that if he doesnt need to vent and lacks the urge to feel attraction toward me, he doesnt need to speak whatsoever. (Or, is very dry with it....)

If the whole point of us connecting in the first place was that it felt good, having a sexy dude that I also knew wasnt busy whatsoever, bonding, and mutual fucks given.... (plus, sexting since sexting is dope,) then none of that happens anymore... whats really the point?

We do occasionally have nice convos, he put in the effort last night. But now that he did that kinda shady shit the other night and isnt owning up to that or apologizing, i see why I should stop talking to this dude entirely now.

He said it himself, with that other girl, he claimed "she found a reason to be mad every day, and didnt want to feel guilt every time that i wake up".... and i knew myself that i didnt wanna be paranoid, he doesnt wanna be attached, but he likes me being attached to him.

This is gonna hurt like a bitch and i might cry.

I just dont want him hurt. Idk. If he does that thing where he posts about not wanting to live on this planet anymore at the first sign of me taking a break from him, ill be sad. But ill also be sad at no response.... better to just cut him off, and end the dynamic, but still leave the door open a bit.

I just think it's too weird to pretend our dynamic would be the same.

I want to leave and forget all traces of him, so that I don't have another person to podcast about on a low night.

The instagram being available would mainly just be so he doesnt do anything idiotic, like stop taking his meds, or kill himself.

I just dont see us as the same friends as before, but moreso he does go through a tough time. So if he were to flip shit, or start tripping out and claim he wants to take his life...

Then, he knows where to find me.

But anything else? Maybe not for awhile. It would take a lot to make me feel comfortable bonding with him again, in a way where both people feel safe, but, are not the only crutches that we have.

His other crutches are his other friends, who I hope he can trust to lean on in this current situation, and aren't just draining him of energy they would never give back, you know?

And my crutches are......

Marco, only temporarily. He's yet again broke up with his girlfriend, claiming he doesn't want it to be temporary this time. He's a twat and i would never ever ever subject myself to him romantically unless its for a laugh or as a time killer, but we just talk for now i suppose.

I talked to Cam a bit. He helped remind me that yes, the outdoors do exist. A walk would help me feel less depressed. Id have to go with a bandana on my face and gloves, but the sun still will shine brightly all the same onto my skin in a nice fabulous glow.

My goals. Fuck it, we may or may not die, time to sing that song about weaponized piss I've made.

[packernet]

New Post has been published on https://www.packernet.com/blog/2020/01/17/the-nfl-isnt-rigged-were-just-better-than-you/

The NFL Isn't Rigged, We're Just Better Than You

Today’s episode of the Packernet Podcast looks at some news and notes, Shrine practice news, and some of the nonsense being spewed on the Twitters.

Transcript

8s – 1m 8s

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome once again to packernet podcast. I am your host at a resident panelist. That’s always Ryan Schlitz. Check it out online packernet.com. Find me on Twitter Pack underscore data. So today, we’ve got a good amount of stuff to talk about since we clear the board yesterday will follow the normal or today of getting the news and notes. She kind of stuff out of the way first and then getting to the juicy stuff after so there is a little bit of potential free agency news will get to injury news for the Packers and 49ers couple more meetings for the Green Bay Packers at The Shrine Bowl. We’ll talk about those couple of characters had some questions in the Facebook group that I was able to answer and then finally and again, this is a lot so I don’t know if we’re going to get through all of it, but the 49ers fans have been getting a little chippy and also had a Bears fan kind of pop off a little bit and that kind of went a little crazy. So

1m 8s – 2m 8s

Do you know why a big part of the reason I’m able to have a podcast cuz people don’t do the simple stuff like Googling it makes my job so easy because I just walk around and there’s this massive fist fight and I walk up and I’m like well, well what was going on here fellows and they’re like, well, he said this and I think this is what I think this has anybody looked it up and you look kind of threw their information like well, I wonder if there’s some information. Let me Google it. I’ll look here’s information that neither person seems to be bringing up in this argument look through the comments. Nobody’s mentioning. This number was mentioning this nobody looked it up. Nobody 74 comments plus the original fight. Not one person has Googled it. I’m so happy. Thank you so much. It just it just it makes it I’m serious. It makes me so happy. It’s what we call in the industry job security cuz as long as people start screaming about their feels I’m going to be

2m 8s – 2m 10s

how to do this in perpetuity

2m 11s – 3m 11s

There ain’t no end in sight. So by all means please whatever you do. Don’t Google anything. Let me be the ultimate Arbiter of all things. I let me be Google. If you ever have a thought don’t think let me just look it up just think what would pack daddy say and then ask me I’ll Google it and I’ll get the answer and then I’ll sound like a genius. I figured I’d take that route rather than just being condescending. I don’t think it’s pretty good. Right? I mean I was a little condescending but it wasn’t it was like indirectly condescending to baffling though. I don’t know. I had a tweet yesterday that you know, I don’t usually get a lot of traction on Twitter, but if you know, like several hundred retweets pay got the point. I literally do deleted the Tweet cuz I felt bad for the guy for the Bears guy who said something dumb and I like smack them with, you know Google and then I was like several hundred likes and retweets don’t like. Alright. Listen now, it’s just now I just feel bad. Let’s stop cuz that’s that’s the guy I am I’m all about Twitter until something starts to go viral and then I’m like, nope. Delete.

3m 11s – 4m 9s

Not doing this viral stuff. That’s the opposite of what you’re supposed to do, but I don’t care and I understand he’s a Bears fan and he deserved it. But at some point so I can write he gets it. He’s been kicked enough delete. So anyways another great resource by the way for information is the Packer that podcast Facebook groups and make sure you get in there people not afraid to give you their opinion sometimes rudely. So so if you’re into that not most of the time but it occasionally they’ll grow on you just get in there and ask question also packing a podcast Facebook page. So she would like over there something else. That’s cool. And I don’t know how long it’s going to continue but I found a very very cool way to get this these podcast transcribe and that has me so unbelievably excited. I can’t even tell you so as long as I’m able to do what I’m going to do everything I can to trim transcribe all 668 podcast living I deliberately didn’t tell anyone that episode 666 was a few days ago.

4m 10s – 4m 20s

Didn’t want anybody not listening cuz they’re superstitious but I’m going to get them all transcribed why I want the ability to look up stuff. I’ve said in the past go find those clips and be like, here’s what I said.

4m 21s – 5m 21s

Four and a half months ago super excited about that. If you want an example of that. I just posted an article on packernet.com. You can find it. It just has packing a podcast. It was from 2 days ago and there’s a way you can listen to it and then there’s the whole transcription right there. So you’ll actually be able to kind of do that not quite as easily, but if there’s something that I said if I do this and put it all on Packer now, you can say I remember he said this this one time you can search it on packernet and maybe it’ll come up and you’ll find the episode. I don’t know. I just I’m excited about it and I can tell him extra Ramsey today and I apologize what else patreon.com underscored adding a special. Thank you to Quinton for jumping on board with that. Remember I am doing a giveaway at the end of the month. So if you jump in or or give in anyway, $1 is 1 in to be able to go into the packet, I podcast store and take whatever you want one thing only but whatever you want otherwise iTunes 5 * iTunes review or sit review or whatever kind of review would be very greatly appreciated.

5m 21s – 6m 7s

And again, if you’re listening to this podcast look at your phone or whatever device you have if it does not say packernet podcast, please go find the pack and a podcast And subscribe to it. That would help me very much and lastly regardless of what happened Sunday regardless of what happens in the Super Bowl if we win on Sunday, I would just like to encourage you to please stick around because the podcast doesn’t end and the NFL season does not end by the way right after the Superbowl and I promise we’re not going to spend a lot of time on it will spend a little bit of time talking about it, which is probably not good for the XFL because they should be kind of typing this up. You got like 3 weeks dude. How does mr. Hype man? Jim McMahon not know how to Hype up the XFL. I don’t know. I haven’t seen it but the draft

6m 8s – 6m 13s

Free agency all kinds of goody. Anyways, that’s it. Let’s take a break and get a lot of stuff to get through.

6m 15s – 7m 14s

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7m 14s – 8m 14s

My listeners 20% off a full bottle of cryo freeze CBD pain relief roll on plus free shipping the discount also apply for any product on the entire site. So just go to omax health.com today and enter promo code overtime that Oma X health.com and enter code overtime to get 20% off cryofreeze and anything site-wide and as I’ve been telling you all this winter hasn’t been that bad. If you’re living up by me. It just got kind of bad everyday at lunch. I take walks yesterday hurt. It’s starting to get that point where the air just hurts also hurts when you slip and fall trying to get into your car. It’s bad enough. The air is hurting you. Now, you got the ground and your car when your legs smash into him hurting you is just everything just hurts and winter but you know what I did as I was laying there on my back under my car. I was daydreaming about baseball 75 degree weather birds chirping children laughing buzzers Bussey.

8m 15s – 9m 15s

I’m sorry, that was a low blow but really it’s just it’s it’s the ultimate just relax kind of vacation as much as I love the whole Disney thing and and the go go go theme park stuff. Just get out somewhere where it’s peaceful and you can relax just beautiful outdoor scenery baseball music great food fresh air and air that doesn’t hurt your face. If any of that sound appealing to you. I would encourage you to at least check out visit arizona.com spring training and see if it appeals to you. All right, so we’ll start from least important to most important number one. It is basically and it kind of was a foregone conclusion already, but apparently, you know that the other cool thing about stuff like the shrine game isn’t just the appeal to the draft. It’s the collection of media members and Scouts and everything else and you get certain people next to certain people and rumors start this world when you get some cool fun information apparently both sides.

9m 15s – 10m 15s

Both Le’Veon Bell and the Jets have come to the conclusion that it would be better off if Le’Veon Bell left. So it’s basically done and I get we kind of had a feeling that at the very least the Jets head coach didn’t want and apparently the Jets organization has back their coach and Le’Veon Bell has kind of come to the conclusion as his agent that they don’t want to be there anymore. So that’s something to watch out for now, you know, I don’t think this is going to impact the Packers directly in terms of him coming to Green Bay. That would be silly got a massive contract. The question is where is he going? And is it going to negatively affect us? Cuz the fact of the matter is Le’Veon Bell going to the judge is a good thing because the Jets are far away and we never really see them. Now. The great thing about Le’Veon Bell is he has a mass of contract so that the general thinking is if you’ve got a team with a very expensive quarterback and or a very expensive pass-rusher, you probably not going to want to pay a ton of money for a running back. So if we just thinking of C North we can rule out the pack

10m 15s – 11m 15s

Hours for the most part is that silly and we do have a very expensive quarterback in a fairly expensive pass-rusher. But I mean, you know, not that expensive Khalil Mack what two years ago set the market at like 25 million siderius got 17, but still when you when you couple the two it’s expensive the Minnesota Vikings unless they decide I mean it it just don’t have much money and the end and from what I’m hearing and we’re going to get into it. They’re kind of to the point now where they’re starting to look at cap casualties and bringing on guys like levy on Bell probably wouldn’t be that beneficial cuz they pay a ton of money to Kirk Cousins and there’s not a lot of wiggle room unless they extending which could happen if they extend him essentially they could chop up this fully guaranteed say offer him something that’s a little more flexible, which I’m assuming they could write Kirk Cousins just want a contract of some kind and the Vikings are kind of on the fence. Anyway, I don’t know. I just I don’t think that’s going to make it and they don’t need it right the light.

11m 15s – 12m 15s

Potentially could but they’ve got a guy that they like they have a fairly expensive quarterback. Although who knows what the future holds they’re the only team that maybe semi would make sense of the Bears or the Bears contract situation isn’t very good either and they have Khalil Mack so cuti end up on a team that we end up playing that could hurt us possibly. I don’t think he comes to the NFC North and that’s kind of the only thing I care about I’d like him to stay with the Jets cuz I get there just nothing team and Le’Veon Bell’s career is just going to not going to die there which you know, I don’t wish anything bad on Le’Veon Bell, but you know Packers come first, I’m sorry. He’s making money. That’s ultimately the goal. Right? So he’ll be fine. He’s out in New York is got a bunch of money life is good. He’s not bothering us but he’s probably going to be on the Move will see where he ends up and no he’s not coming to Green Bay the other things by the way to keep in mind is this is a pretty loaded running back draft class. So the Jets have a really tough sell. Here’s this running back who decided that he’s not going to stay with the Steelers win.

12m 15s – 13m 15s

Whether or not that was his fault that it does matter point is that’s going to appeal to not many people then he came here and didn’t produce which could be our fault but it’s still another Mark against him and he has a mass of contract and he’s getting older for a position where you have a very limited shelf-life and there’s a lot of options and running backs typically are cheap. I just I don’t know how you sell Le’Veon Bell. I just don’t it’s got to be a really bad team with a no running back situation in a ton of money and I will explore that a little further. But at this point it’s not that important something that is a little bit more important. It was reported yesterday and end in it. I understand this is one of those things where a columnist and we see this all the time in Green Bay were a writer for the Packers will say I’m speculating that this will happen and then it gets blown up all over the Internet saying this is going to happen right and insiders. It’s not an Insider. It’s just a reporter was going on around here is three things that might happen in the offseason. But anyways, there is a growing belief that the

13m 15s – 14m 15s

Kings after this you will let Riley reiff walk. I’ll be honest that would surprise me a little bit not here sort of the the problem and it’s a problem that a lot of teams have faced in a lot of positions. I think I talked about it yesterday at quarterback. Although I think it was probably at work. So you didn’t hear me say the problem that a lot of teams have is when you get to that point where you’re not worth the money, but we can’t afford to not have you in the Vikings have built a nice little reputation of retaining their guys and being willing to overpay for guys just because we want to keep our guys and the fact of the matter is, you know, if you look at PFF grades Riley reiff might not be the best left tackle, but Riley reiff and Brian O’Neill on the offensive line the left and right tackle are the only guys that grated basically in the seventies, which would me good night and I understand grades especially offensive line people don’t care, but I’m just letting you know the PFF scouting Department if you will has has determined that first of all, the offensive line has somewhat improved, but the only really good offensive linemen are they left?

14m 15s – 15m 14s

Right tackle if you lose your left tackle, you kind of start back at Ground Zero meaning you have to draft a tackle like have two or possibly find somebody in free agency but to find somebody better than Riley reiff for less than the 10 million dollars you have to pay him is basically impossible. So I am just going to go out on a limb and although you know, I would assume this is from the Saint Paul Pioneer Press Mizu mean that they are following this closer probably have maybe possibly some inside information. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that’s not true. Now the way that they phrase this they did this is from Rotoworld said unsurprisingly reefer made one of the least worst left tackles in 2019. I mean again, he’s not great but League’s worst when I guess if there’s only 32, we could be a little loosey-goosey with that phrase PFF greater than as the 30th best tackle in football, which you figure there’s sixty four if you include left and right plus there’s been some guys coming in and out. He’s given up five sacks this year, which isn’t that bad. Brian block is given

15m 15s – 16m 14s

4 by carries give enough to but I mean, that’s bakhtiari. I mean total pressures 25 total pressure is really really low. That’s really low crime blog has given up 26 David bakhtiari is going to 35 pressure. So the sack percentage might be a little bit high as far as total pressure is he does not allow a lot of people to get the cousin he does have eight penalties which is fairly high but bakhtiar, he’s got 11, I mean statistically he’s not that bad. He’s not a very good run-blocker, but nobody is I should say nobody but it’s and it’s a rare quality of amongst offensive lineman in 2020 2019. He’s just he’s not that bad and they look the fact of the matter is 10 million-dollar as much as you might not want to play it for pay it for a guy that’s you know, 30th overall getting a really good tackles hard in the Vikings above it more than anyone maybe except for Seattle should realize how hard it is to acquire a good offense of line. If I’m the Vikings I’m paying Riley reiff the 10 million dollars to keep a and I’m going to work on the interior a little bit, but I hope they’re right because if they lose their

16m 15s – 17m 14s

Tackle, their offensive line is going backwards, even if they nail the first round pick and get a really good one then basically they had to use up a first-round pick just to upgrade their left tackle a little bit. And what is he going to give up three sacks instead of 5 I doubted a rookie left tackle. I doubt it. So, you know by all means going to get rid of them Vikings fans really don’t like their their offensive lineup notice. There’s a lot I can tell you they will but they they think they’ve got the best running back of the VIP quarterback. They are all about the man you get him started on that offensive line and they are real low, maybe not so much Garrett Bradbury because everyone’s excited about the rookies, but specially Riley reforzar, they just despise the guy that’s really weird. But again, that’s fine. Go ahead and call him looking at the injury report. It looks like both teams are pretty much up to full strength as of Wednesday. You had Jimmy Graham and Ryan Grant not practicing for personal reasons. It’ll veteran rest for Jimmy. You had something personal for Ryan Grant otherwise Geronimo

17m 15s – 18m 14s

It was sick as of yesterday though. Everybody was full or limited Preston has limited with an ankle injury, which could be a problem and he’s going to play but it’s something to monitor marcedes Lewis. Just getting that veteran. Allen Lazard is limited with an ankle also. But again, he’s going to play Jimmy just limited to visit vet veteran rest. Can he still resting that back a little bit but we already know he’s going to play play the last time you can play again and then for San Francisco, they did have Dee Ford and George Kittle not practice it Dee Ford is limited. He’s got a quadricep hamstring issues so that they’re just keeping them he’s practicing but he’s limited otherwise Kwon Alexander George Kittles back to full participation Kwon Alexander’s limited with a package you but I’m sure he’s going to be fine. So basically it looks like both teams pending any illnesses or injuries, which by the way it says Geronimo has an illness just get him out. I’m serious. Send him to California now just get him out away from everybody. I don’t want him getting people said we we we I’m dead serious about it. We not sending them to California, but we played with

18m 14s – 19m 14s

Right tackle last week because he got to keep caught a sickness that was going around quarantine, Geronimo Allison get him away from everybody. I don’t need Aaron Rodgers get in this horrible 24-hour flu on Sunday. I’m not even kind of kidding if if Geronimo sick lock him away somewhere until he’s feeling better and then go pressure wash steam clean shampoo the carpet just suck every germ out of the air that you can the multi multi multimillion-dollar operation. Keep the guys healthy, please and thank you. But otherwise he added it doesn’t look like there’s going to be any real big changes going on here. Just I guess. I think his full strength, which is probably the way it should be which is probably part of the reason Matt on Twitter ask me a question about why the line hasn’t move it was at 75 or 7.575 my goodness. Why isn’t a move it it it might have a lot to do with this. Nothing’s changing. You know that they’ve got a lot of information.

19m 14s – 20m 14s

They plugged it into their Vegas super computer came up with 7.5 and in really they’re just kind of waiting on any kind of changes shifts and Amelie’s illness injury and everybody just seems fine. So, you know, if there’s nothing that’s change does no super big reason the line should move by the way man. I don’t know how I missed your last four messages. I didn’t have never I’m just looking at it now, like what? How did I miss that? Don’t even know what you’re referring to sounds bad though. Yeah, that’s that’s that’s kind of all I’ve got that goes out of say he’s insulted by the line in and I wasn’t planning on talking about it now, but since we’re talking about it, let’s let’s bring it up now. So yeah injuries. Nobody’s injured Todd in the Facebook group asked I’m wondering if there’s ever been a 14 and 3 team starting as a touchdown Underdog in NFL playoff history. Well found an answer to that. So let me start by saying there was the last time there was this big of an underdog in the NFC Championship. It was Green Bay Seattle Seattle in this was the 2014 2015 season was

20m 14s – 21m 14s

8 1/2 Point favorite over Green Bay Seattle won that game 2822 in overtime. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you how that game went. But that was the last time we’ve seen this big of an underdog and it was the Green Bay Packers interesting ly enough the time before that there was this big of an underdog it was packers-giants except it was the Giants. So the last three times in the NFC championship game that there has been an underdog of 7 and 1/2 points or more at is involved the Green Bay Packer twice against the Packers once in the Packers favored to answer your question. Neither of these teams were fourteen when teams going into the game the Giants be underdogs were let’s see what they were 13 Winton has been several 13 win. So they they were 10 and 6, but they beat the Buccaneers and the Cowboys. So I guess they were 12 wins in ended up being didn’t get the 14 weeks until they beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Let’s put it that way, but they were at 12 winning team and eight point dogs the Packers when they were 8 point underdogs against Seattle worth

21m 14s – 22m 14s

13 winds so they were quite fourteen, but it was kind of talking about the same thing. So basically the last time this has happened the Packers were 13 4/8 Point underdogs against the Seattle Seahawk the time before that you want to hear something super egregious. There was a 12 win Tampa Bay Buccaneers team. They were 14 and 1/2 Point underdogs to the St. Louis Ram every single one of these favors one with the exception of the Green Bay Packers being a point favorites against the giant the giant slot or one that game. I don’t know not looking over at the AFC or the more massive lines against San Diego is a 13 wind team back in 2007. The New England Patriots were 14-point favorite New England did go on to win not by 14, but they won but the only team I can find that had at least 14 wins, and I’m only going back to 2000 and you said by a touchdown cuz even though the line 7 and 1/2. I’m going by your standard, which is 7.40.

22m 14s – 23m 10s

Wins and was a seven-point underdog was the 1999 Tennessee Titans the end of the season 13 and 3 then they went on to beat the bills and the cold and were 15 and 3 going up against the Jacksonville Jaguars. Jacksonville was 7 point favorites in that game. By the way, they lost that game 33 to 14 what other kind of close one the 12:00 and 5 New England Patriots were ten point underdogs to the Pittsburgh Steeler. Not only do they beat the Pittsburgh Steelers 2417. They won the Super Bowl that year. So there you go. That’s what I found. It is fairly rare. It’s one of the few times that it’s really ever happened for a 14 or greater team. Again, the only one I could find since 2000 and we’re talkin about the 99 to 2000 season was Tennessee at Jackson Hennigan. Tennessee went on to. Ali beat Jacksonville. Would absolutely destroy them. So, there you go.

23m 11s – 24m 11s

I also forgot to add after the injury thing. Apparently according to Matt LaFleur. Raven Greene is looking a lot better this week. The Packers are going to give it a couple more days to see how he’s doing. But they do have an open spot on the roster have got 52 guys currently. So they’re they’re leaving a spot open in hopes that he can come back and play I’m always a little skeptical when somebody’s been away this long a special were talking about an offense and a defense that’s been really clicking and in the biggest part of their success comes from things like communication and just really understanding the scheme and all this kind of stuff. I’m sure Raven Greene has been in the meeting rooms and all that but it did that comes with time but you know, they really like Raven Greene. I think I’ve said before Mike Pettine I think is beyond enamored with Raven Greene. He seems to really really like the guy so I think if he’s he’s ready to go they’ll put him in at least situationally, but that’s going to be a wait-and-see thing and it’ll be a couple more days. Probably not today. Maybe tomorrow we’ll get more official word on whether or not he’s going to be activated and then I say

24m 11s – 25m 11s

Do one more thing will look at the shrine. MTG Packers have met with two other prospects. They met with another quarterback this time Princeton quarterback Kevin Davidson 6ft for 2:25. So again, another guy that’s just really really big through for 20 touchdowns set a School record was 7 scoring passes against the Bucknell probably one of the best small-school guys, which kind of makes sense right again of the primary reason that you meet with these guy is to get more information when you’re a small school guy maybe one of the things are doing is you’re trying to understand gauge him mentally, right? Because it’s a massive leap from the mental processing of the college game to the pro was especially when you’re a smaller School quarterback. It’s an even bigger early. So they met with the second time. They met with a quarterback now, so perhaps what they are doing is looking at something they’ve done a lot which is late-round undrafted free agent quarterback trying to find that diamond in the rough quarterback to taysom Hill if you will something that they do a lot

25m 11s – 26m 11s

Do you want to hit on it? And he’s really doing his homework. That’s not to say they’re not going to do a quarterback in the first couple days of the draft. But more than likely again there doing their homework on sort of the later rounds to undrafted type quarterback. Probably looking to refresh our backup roster. Otherwise, they met with Washington State Cougars wide receiver, Desmond Patton, six-foot-four 228. So seems to fit the mold of what the Packers like it wide receiver big tight end looking dude. He was at Washington state with Mike Leach so they had an Air Raid Offense 48 reception 689 yards seven touchdowns this past season through 11 game, but in all for his size of running around to 458 blazing speed, but again, when you’re built like a kind of in between the wide receiver tight end frame in your that big 458 isn’t that bad? Remember davantes like a 455 got which after all these years. He’s probably around four five eight. Now another guy that’s expected to be an undrafted free agent so I can just do Jill due diligence right you go.

26m 11s – 26m 33s

Do this kind of stop? This is something that Ted Thompson by the way was the master up really struggled in the early round, especially the first round I should say, but you get into those later rounds and undrafted free agents and Ted Thompson did a really good job. It just seems like they’re doing a lot of their due diligence here. We take our final break and then we’ll get into some of the more I want to see controversial but argumentative type things.

26m 34s – 27m 34s

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27m 34s – 27m 42s

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27m 43s – 28m 43s

So I had another question from Mr. Ludlow on Twitter and I don’t really have a ton of insights or thoughts behind the information. But since I did the work I figured I’d relay the information to you as well. The question was essentially how often have the Packers lead for the entire game this year until I went looked at it. Here’s what I came up with it in the bottom line is the Packers have had the lead a lot in for a lot of games. They took the lead and never lost it so here is the season and what took place during that sees versus the Bears the Packers trailed three to nothing in the first quarter after that. They took the lead and never lost it against the Vikings. The Packers had to leave the entire game against the Broncos. The Packers had to leave the entire game against the Eagles the Packers went up 13-7 lost the lead at the end of the second quarter got back to at i-27 227 and then lost the lead and lost the game against Dallas. The Packers had to leave the entire game against the Lions hilariously. This happened in both game.

28m 43s – 29m 43s

Packers didn’t have a lead until they were two seconds left in the game. And the other game it was 3 seconds. So in both games combined the Packers had to leave for 5 seconds against the Raiders Oakland lead for eight minutes in the second quarter, but never regained it. So that’s it that 8 minutes of a lead and aside from that. It was a Packers all the way against the Chiefs. The Chiefs did Leaves lead 17 to 14 in the second quarter, but lost that lead at the end of the third and never regained it against the Chargers the Packers were never even close to having a lie. That was just a ridiculous blowout against the Panthers the Panthers lead until the 9-minute mark in the second quarter Packers went up 14 10 in the Panthers never regained lead 49ers game again, they never were close to getting Elite than the Giants the Packers let the whole game the Redskins the Packers let the whole game the Bears the Packers or the whole game against the Vikings the Packers took the lead was two minutes left in the third and just began to pull away from there. And then again the Lions you had the three seconds against the Seahawks Packers led the entire game some of these games kind of interesting things tend to Strike Force.

29m 43s – 30m 43s

And don’t lose the leaf which obviously speak strongly of the defense but it’s is cool because it doesn’t feel like it, you know, just saying the Packers let the whole game against Seattle. It didn’t feel like it but they did but the bottom line is they get into the position of power of control and they maintain control and although it feels out of control and it feels like the Packers are about to lose. It feels really close. Right the Redskins game all that was terrible to think they were in the lead the whole game. I think maybe a lot of this is that things feel more out of control than they are and and it’s relatively true that you know, if if the Packers begin to get a lead the defense kind of gives up, maybe that’s a change in Penn’s play calling to kind of be more conservative which leads to more points, but the point is although it doesn’t feel like it I think a lot of times the Packers are in control for most of or the entire game and although it doesn’t feel like it they are there they take control they maintain control they win the game. So that was an interesting little side project. If you have any thoughts like that you can pass it along to

30m 43s – 31m 43s

Promise I’m going to do it. But if it sounds interesting enough for are interesting enough, I will try it out and I if you are a patron by the way, do you want me to do a project again? I can’t promise it but it’ll probably put your list to the put you to the top of the list of preface it and just let me know because I don’t know your patreon by your Twitter handle or whatever else. So just just say it by the way, I’m on Patron and I want you to do that. Try it out will see. All right. So let’s look at one of the things in this is just tiring right to the Packers are you know always getting helped by the wrap and there’s this chart out there that show something from 2010 to 2019 teams that have been most helped on third down by the rain. It’s it’s really really specific which one you’re super specific is a lot of variables for when it when you’re really broad. There’s a lot of variables but then when you’re oddly specific in a certain way that there’s just too many variables in there and it’s not an honest way to actually ask

31m 43s – 32m 43s

The question very simply. I just took the premise that the Packers are helped by the refs more than any other team and then somebody went on even further to say that while this is because the NFL needs to prop up the Packers because the market can’t sustain itself unless they’re winning. So I just took that promise and said, okay, let’s look at this and see if there are any signs of conspiracy penalties against the least penalized teams in order. Would you like to know what they were the Colts the Panthers the Giants the Dolphins The Bangles the Patriots the Vikings the Chargers the Bears and the Green Bay Packers. Those are the top 10 least penalized team. Like I said package or 9th least it turns out that nevermind. That’s something else we’ll get there. The Packers are penalized 10th lease in the hilarious thing is that the Bears are penalized less and the Vikings are penalized less than two franchises that are always screaming about how the Packers or the rest love the packer.

32m 43s – 33m 43s

Actually penalize less but you can say well no, that’s not what we’re talking about. It’s not that you don’t get penalized me. That’s just that’s just discipline. If you’re not penalized you get the most calls in your favor. Okay. Well luckily for you. I have those numbers as well the biggest beneficiary of play calls. Let’s just do it in order the top 10 ready the most penalties called in their favor the Titans the Falcons the Eagles the Chiefs the Bengals the Broncos the Texans the Lions and the 49ers now if we’re going with the conspiracy theory thing, what is the trend here is it that they love, you know, high-flying teams like the Chiefs the Packers the the Patriots know cuz how do you explain Tennessee Atlanta Cincinnati Denver Houston. Nobody cares about these things Detroit, by the way, the Packers are in the top 10 you want to know which team so here’s the top 10 teams getting the least amount of calls in their favor. The Raiders the Vikings the Redskins.

33m 43s – 34m 43s

Saints the bills the Cowboys the Ravens the Jaguars the Packers and the Rams the ninth least penalties in their favor in the NFL. What conspiracy theory are you talking about? No, I will say relative to the amount of penalties. They get a lot of yard, but that only has to do with the types of penalties that were talking about in terms of penalty yards in their favor, which were talking about a really grand scheme Air Force and I want you to not call a lot of penalties for the Packers so that it doesn’t look Shady but make sure you call a lot of like big play penalties were talking about what pass interference and like personal fouls. 15-yard penalty, whatever but here let’s let’s also be specific in terms of the beneficiary of yards from penalties top 10. Here’s the list ready not Packers number one hits the Steelers then the Titans and the Dolphins then the Falcons and the Eagles and the Broncos and the Cardinals then the Colts.

34m 43s – 34m 47s

Then the Packers than the Bangles there’s no correlation here.

34m 48s – 35m 48s

There’s nothing that points to any kind of grand scheme or to even first of all conspiracy. Theories are dumb just from the standpoint of how many people have to be involved without saying anyting the fact that we believe that this has been rigged and you got players and coaches and Reps and people that have come and gone and not one person has decided to write a book that would make him a multi multi millionaire saved. By the way. I have inside information. We used to rig games. Not one person has come out and said that can you break we how much money do you think these refs make them? It’s a good amount of money. But if you’re making $200 a year and you can sell a book it makes you about 20 million dollars. I’m thinking you might pull the trigger bottom line is it just isn’t there? And by the way, we were talking about a lot of yards. We’re talking about 9ish yards per penalty on average when the Packers have a penalty in their favor. It’s almost ten yard on average which when you have a quarterback that likes to throw the ball deep you’re going to get a lot more penalties that are

35m 48s – 36m 48s

Pass interference penalties that are further down the field which really Rex this average has nothing to do with the conspiracy. It has to do with the fact that more of their penalties are big yardage penalty probably coming by way of pass interference so that the information is right here. It’s readily available and it’s listening it varies. I looked at this is called NFL penalties., They’ve got a really comprehensive list of stuff PFF has slightly different numbers are there was another side I look at it. Don’t remember slightly different numbers, but I’m at work talking about a variation of penalties called against the Packers between 100 and 103. Probably some kind of a discrepancy between in a whether it was accepted or what. I don’t know exactly how you mess up counting these but whatever it’s it’s a very small variation and in no way is there ever going to be a site that you can find. This is the Packers are the least penalized team and have the most penalties going in their favor and then the argument devolves into anecdotal evidence while there was that one play dude. Let me tell you right now for all the

36m 48s – 37m 48s

Bears and Vikings and lions fans that want to complain about the Packer if the only bad call that win against your team was against the Packers. I think the rest are biased in your favor if that’s the only thing that happened to you. And by the way, if it’s not the only bad call then you’re a liar you’re lying because you know bad calls go for and against you all year long because the referees don’t do if super great job all the time and pretty much every single game you wash is a controversial call every single one including last week. The Seattle Seahawks fumble the ball the Packers clearly recovered they gave the ball back to Seattle because they said we couldn’t quite clearly see it even though you can clearly see the guy recover it and then it’s blurry and then at the end of it the guy who recovered it handed the ball to the ref meeting. He still had it but we don’t have any clear evidence that could have easily lost the Packers the game. Does anybody care know because we’re at a point to that one time when I guess the Lions you had one of their pass-rushers constantly pushing up into David bakhtiari is neck. What a day.

37m 48s – 38m 48s

Technically touches face mask even though you can see he’s pushing up into his head and his head is jerked backwards and David bakhtiari. By the way was talking to refs a Duke watch. This guy keeps pushing my head back. And so the rest saw him do it and I got another anecdotal think there was a fumble by a packer I think on on a kickoff you fumble the ball in the Bears are covered until I call that was a clear recovery, but they said it was a hit to the head or something. I don’t know but the point is USA live action and tell me that that doesn’t look like a hit to the head. Of course it never even agree just calls against the Packers. These are all calls that in in really quick time that you’re just watching it. You don’t slow down and I don’t watch it seventy-five thousand times and you was like little technology and everything else to try to see specifically where it was and how technically kinda sorta it is a good call. I don’t know of any super agree just calls against the Packers. I’m sure there have been some but again, it happens to everybody and if you’re saying the only bad call you’ve had was against the Packers then I think the rest.

38m 48s – 39m 48s

Bias in your favor cuz it’s half of the Packers a lot and it’s happened. A lot of other teams. A lot of us watched it happen every time I watch a game it’s happening and I got the fact that we keep here at all member that one time like do do you remember last week or the week before that or the week before that? Why are you lying pretending? You don’t see these thing fact of the matter is the Vikings lost. The Bears are now garbage again in the lions are still guarded and the best argument you have about why the Packers don’t deserve to be where they are is because the refs have had a couple bad calls in their favor and we’re going to pretend that it’s somewhat agree just going to pretend they get less calls anybody else and more calls in their favor than anybody else ever attended. Our team doesn’t have any calls go in our favor and just lie lie, lie, lie lie to create up this this completely indefensible lie that the Packers have this relationship with the Packers cuz you don’t Aaron Rodgers hug the rest before a game which by the way lots of coaches and players know these guys, especially veterans Tom Brady’s doing the same thing not because they’re best friends then maybe

39m 48s – 40m 47s

Because they’ve gone back a long way. These refs have been here for the same 15-20 years that Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers have yes, they know each other by the way, a lot of Packers players shake hands with players on other team has no collusion there. They just know each other. They’re shaking hands like hey, whatsup? So stop lying stop crying. Stop trying to make excuses that all three teams in the NFC North. Day in the Packers have potential Lions. No less than most but you got money and you got early draft picks and you can turn this thing around 49ers did it but if you keep spending all your time Looking Backward, you’re not going anywhere you spend some of your energy focusing on how to fix things out next year. You can be better than the Packers actually beat them this this defeatist victim mentality, but we can’t get ahead because of the worlds out to get us, you know, how pathetic that is. We’re not winning cuz the refs Trey’s rig man in the system is rigged, you know, you’re a loser but this was not rigged nothing’s rigged. But because your face

40m 48s – 41m 48s

Lunges cuz you have obstacles look really supposed to be a better play do a better job in coverage sack the quarterback. It’s in your control. If the entire argument for your team comes down to a half an inch. But by the way, he at 100% had a first down maybe you just didn’t do enough in life and in football making lame excuses in blaming Society or the refs or whatever else you’re not going anywhere. I promise you you go nowhere in life grow up if you want something go get it. If you want your team to get better. It’s not going to be from Looking Backward and say it’s a joke. That’s fine. I get it. I played along with the joke the Packers in the wraps and hahaha. That’s funny. If you actually believe it that’s pathetic the fact that you actually have to go to conspiracy theories to help you sleep at night to believe that your team isn’t actually that bad and the Pea.

41m 48s – 42m 48s

Aren’t that good? Because it hurts your feelings so much. It hurts your emotional state of mind so much to actually believe the Packers are a good team. We’ve got to come up with their frauds and and they cheat and that is so pathetic. How do you verbalize these things and not feel like less of a human being for actually saying these things out loud. It’s so embarrassing and I joke around say about the Patriots but it’s a joke. So good football team the granted they have cheated in the past, but it’s not going to lie. I Promise You The Bangles could record anything and everything that they want. They’re not winning Super Bowls Of course, it’s a good team. Of course Bill Belichick is a good coach. Of course Brady’s a good quarterback is the difference between joking around and teasing and having like a fun little rivalry and actually believing that the NFL is rigged against your team. And that’s why they can’t go to get ahead. Now, you’re just supporting incompetence. Your team is bad because your GM is trash cuz your coach is not good enough cuz your quarterback is to

42m 48s – 43m 27s

Stop blaming. Everything else have higher expectations for your team drives me nuts. And yes, I’m I’m half talking about football and 1/2 talking about life in general cuz I’m just tired of hearing it is out to get you man up get a life already crying all day long Twitter is just crying crying crying attacking and crying attacking and crying. I seriously did delete that tweet cuz everybody just wants to buy a lot of sarkic of the guys, like look. I just wanted to give some information. This is getting stupid. Now, there’s no reason for that. There’s no reason for him to say stuff that is fake and lying and crying and being a whiny little baby about the Packers are cheaters in the Packer fans are bragging about it.

43m 28s – 44m 23s

What’s a pack of ants coming into just kick him in the face over and over again is like this is I’m out of here. This is weird and horrible kicking and crying. That’s all Twitter is I can’t get ahead. And by the way, I hope you die. If I could say it was a tagline for Twitter. That would be it life’s unfair and I hope you die Twitter and again Google does exist. So feel free to find this information out yourself before you start whining and crying about how hard it is and it’s not fair Google it by the way the argument that the Packers have a small market and this is the favorite special Chicago Bears fans because everything is wrapped up in the fact that there are big city and they think that just afford them some kind of credibility. I don’t know what it is, but you know, they they’re just annoyed with how much in love with people tend to be with people from Wisconsin with the state with the Packers me to talk about Wisconsin and Green Bay and whatever else people

44m 28s – 45m 28s

Me too, cuz I like dude big city supposed to love us. We’re supposed to be the best in Soviet the argument of all their this tiny little Backwoods. Redneck bababababa. They can support themselves. I hate to tell you this Hoss the Packers brought in more money in 2019 than the Bears did this small tiny little market has no problem sustaining itself because how do you make money while you sell jerseys and things right? You can sell merchandise you think the Packers have a problem with that then one of the largest fan bases around the world you sell tickets, which the Packers sell out and despite the size of the Town. What we’re talking about now is not selling out tickets in the town. We’re talkin about selling tickets in the stadium. They have one of the bigger stadiums in terms of size and they sell it out which means Revenue also, there’s television and because they are good and yes just has to do with them being good witch could technically support your argument, but there’s no reason to because anybody could be good and then make that much money, but they get a lot of prime time.

45m 28s – 46m 28s

Television Revenue, right they they draw audiences. So if you wanted to make an argument, it wouldn’t be that there was a small Market if you’re trying to follow this conspiracy theory thing. It has nothing to do with a small Market what you would say is because they have a massive fanbase and the NFL wants to capitalize off that they want to prop up this massive fanbase but Bears fans can’t get themselves to say that because that takes away everything that they believe it’s the last thing they have to hold on to it was this big city they have and as I’ve said a thousand times I got this little man complex because I’m not nobody cares about Chicago. Nobody cares about their food. Nobody cares about the size of their City. Everybody talks about New York and La nobody talks about Chicago or cares about it. Nobody goes on vacation to Chicago. They go to New York to go to La they go to all kinds of big city to go to go to Dallas and Houston and Austin all the biggest 75 big giant cities in Texas. You might even go to Atlanta typically people are not going to be like who I want to go on a vacation to Chicago cuz the only thing anybody ever knows about Chicago the only thing you guys get credit for is a massive amount of shooting.

46m 28s – 47m 27s

You have sorry man. That’s just the way it is and you have a smaller fan base than the Green Bay Packers and your team despite having a massive market and a massive amount of money in your city actually bring it less money than the Packers do so you can argue this if you’re willing to acknowledge that the Packers have a bigger Market. I’m talking about in terms of revenue from the fan base than the Bears do what you’re not going to do that are you cuz that hurts your feels too much. I know I get it. Anyways, there was another question and another argumentative thing that happened on Twitter, but also not only out of time but I’m getting a little too riled up for my own good. So I will just leave it at that. She’d like to do me one more favor for the day. Please don’t pollute Twitter with kicking and crying please find something else to do go get excited about the Packers in a way that is not yelling at 49ers fans ignore them. He wanted to be want to make a mad. The easiest way to do that is to just brag about your team. It’ll drive them.

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Insane let them go off and be bad people. That’ll be our goal for today. No crying, and no kicking.

47m 35s – 47m 42s

You want to do a little bit in the Facebook group? That’s fine. Anyways, you folks have ourselves a fantastic day. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Have a good one. Bye. Bye.

[topsolarpanels]

‘ Call me a racist, but don’t say I’m a Buddhist ‘: America’s alt right

They present themselves as modern intellectuals of extremism. But the US far right, detects Sanjiv Bhattacharya, have the same white supremacist obsessions

Every few weeks, William Johnson, the chairman of the white patriot American Freedom Party( AFP ), holds a lunch for members, the goal being to stimulate America a white ethnostate, a project that begins with electing Donald Trump. This week, its at a grand old French eatery called Taix, in Echo Park, Los Angeles an odd choice on the face of it. Echo Park is a trendy hood. Its hipster and heavily Hispanic. In fact, given the predominance of Latino kitchen staff in this city, it may be wise to hold off on the Trump talk until the food arrives.

About three months ago, Johnson begins, I was talking to Richard Spencer about how we need to plan for a Trump victory. Spencer is another prominent white patriot he heads the generic-sounding National Policy Institute. I said: I want Jared Taylor[ of American Renaissance] as UN Ambassador, and Kevin MacDonald[ an evolutionary psychologist] as secretary of health and Ann Coulter as homeland security! And Spencer said: Oh Johnson, thats a pipe dream! But today, hed no longer say that, because if Trump wins, all the establishment Republican, theyre run They detest him! So whos left? If we can foyer, we can set our people in there.

Around the table five young men, roughly half Johnsons age( hes 61 ), nod and tilt in. They all wear suits and ties, relating to the waiter as sir and identify as the alt right, the much-discussed nouvelle vague of racism. Are you guys familiar with the Plum Book ? Johnson asks. Its plum because of the colour, but also because of the plum positions there are 20,000 jobs in that volume that are open to a new administration.

So we need to identify our top people! says Eric, one of “the mens” at the table.

Just anyone with a college degree! Johnson says.

Right. Eric is practically ricochetting in his seat with exhilaration. We need to get the word out. We are the new GOP!

A whiter future: pro- and anti-Trump advocates clash outside Trump Towers in New York. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

Its not every day that a brown journalist gets to sit in on a white-nationalist strategy meeting. But these are strange days. Racism is trending. Like Brexit, Trump has normalised views that were once beyond the pale, and groups like the AFP have grown bold. Their mans stubby orange fingers are within reach of actual power, so perhaps its time to emerge from the darkness at last.

I first gratified Johnson in May after he signed up as a Trump delegate before being swiftly struck off by the campaign when the press found out. Hes a surprising figure. An avid environmentalist, fluent in Japanese and, in person , not the bitter old racist Id expected but instead a jolly Mormon grandfather, bright eyed and chuckle, a Wind in the Willows character. Eric is even more unexpected. Tall and impassioned, “hes come to” racism via hypnotherapy, of all things. He sells solar panels for a life and practises yoga. Together with his friends Matt and Nathan, who are also here at lunch, he operates an alt-right frat in Manhattan Beach a brew and barbecues thing. Theyre called the Beach Goys. Were starting a parody band, he beams. Weve discovered a drummer!

Between them they represent two poles of a racist spectrum, young and old. And judging from this lunch, its the millennials who are the more extreme. Johnson wants white patriots to appear less mean and he discovers the JQ, the Jewish Question, archaic. But Eric loves the meanness of the alt right. Were the troll army! he says. Were here to win. Were savage! And antisemitism is non-negotiable. In fact, hed like to clear up a misnomer about the alt right, propagated by the Breitbart columnist Milo Yiannopoulos, who is often described, mistakenly, as the movements leader. Milo casts the alt right as principally a trolling enterprise, dedicated to assaulting liberal shibboleths for the lulz theres precious little actual intolerance. But Eric insists otherwise. Yes, they like to gag, they have memes, theyre just as funny as liberals have I heard of their satirical news podcasts, the Daily Shoah and Fash the Nation ? But build no mistake, the racism is real. Eric especially enjoys The Daily Stormer , a resulting alt-right news site, which is unashamedly pro-Hitler.

What unites Johnson and Eric is what they describe as the systematic browbeating of the white male namely all this talk of privilege, the Confederate flag, Black Lives Matter and mansplaining. But beyond that, its the looming extinction of the white race. This is the language they use. Also: Diversity equals white genocide. The alt right loves to provoke genocide while harbouring Holocaust deniers. Their point is that white people are melting away like the icecaps, and they have a primal drive to stop it. In 2044 , non-Hispanic whites will drop below 50% of the US population. The generation of the white minority has already been born, Eric says. Look at South Africa and Rhodesia. Thats where were headed. Total disenfranchisement.

Mexican activists on the campaign trail. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

I want to reassure him that his Brown Rulers is likely to be gentle and that bondage isnt even worse when you get used to it. But its not me they want to hear from, its white people. This is the white patriots burden the very people theyre trying to save are the ones who most ferociously oppose them. The only group I cannot get along with is white people, says Johnson. Because white people detest white people who like white people.

A couple of days later, Johnson is at his cluttered desk in downtown LA, nattering blithely in Japanese to a woman in Tokyo. He gets lots of media requests these days, but especially from Japan. Theres an uncanny connection between Japan and white patriotism in America. Jared Taylor, white patriotisms foremost intellectual, is another fluent speaker. Its an ethnostate and its deep nationalist, he says. And they have resisted the pressure to admit refugees. I say: God bless them!

For his part, Johnsons racism was shaped in Japan. He grew up in Eugene, Oregon, a nation founded as a white utopia, in a modest Mormon home, back before the LDS church dedicated black people the priesthood in 1978. But it was his two-year mission to Tohoku, Japan, that turned him. As “hes been gone” from doorway to door, locals would opine on the greatness of white America. They had an inferiority complex after the war, so we were treated like celebrities, he says. Oh, it was just the funnest hour! A few years later, while working in Japan as an attorney, he wrote a book advocating the repatriation of all non-whites with appropriate reparations, because I thought America was going to breakdown unless I did something. When he returned to LA, he sent a transcript to every congressman. He was 32.

Clearly things didnt work up as schemed. His forays into politics floundered and then his offices were bombed. So he retreated from activism for nearly 15 years, merely returning in 2009 to form the AFP merely in time for the rise of the alt right.

We head to his 67 -acre ranch near Pasadena, a hilly lot backing on to a national forest. I asked to meet his family, but his wife refused, so we tour the farm instead his persimmon orchard, his ponies and ducks. And there on his pick-up truck is a stencil of Jimi Hendrix. My daughter likes to paint, he says proudly. None of his five children are white patriots, though they have promised to marry within the race.

Youre a white supremacist with a black artist painted on your truck, I tell him. And he flinches. Thats the meanest, most hurtful swearword there is. Just because I say different races have differing strengths doesnt entail I believe Im superior. He doesnt like racist either. Its a pejorative. I prefer race realist.

But its not my reality, Bill. Im sticking with racist.

Well, OK. But people who espouse racist are mad at everybody. I get along with people. You cannot function in Los Angeles without encountering other races, so I look for areas of similarity and arrangement. Its important to treat everyone with the highest respect on a micro level.

I believed America was going to breakdown unless I did something: William Johnson, chairman of the American Freedom Party, at home on his ranch near Pasadena. Photograph: Barry J Holmes for the Observer

On a macro level, however, darkness falls multiculturalism is doomed, the different races will never get along, and our only hope is Balkanisation: separate territories for separate tribes. And whatever accelerates that transition is greeting, even racial strife. I dont suppose friction is a good thing, he says, but it would help facilitate the divide that is necessary.

We stop to feed his alpacas. Theres a brown one, a black one and a white one, standing peacefully together against the chicken wire fence.

See Bill, theyre get along.

He laughs. I wish people were like alpacas.

Im with Eric at a Mexican restaurant in Manhattan Beach where he lives, an upscale, white neighbourhood in the South Bay. He clears space on the table and smiles. OK, you ready? Your first tarot card reading with the Hitler Youth!

Its been an odd afternoon. We walked along the beach and I asked about his gmail address which includes the number 1488, a potent number for white supremacists. The 14 stands for the 14 terms coined by the late David Lane of the group The Order: We must procure the existence of our people and a future for white children. And the 88 refers to HH( H being eighth in the alphabet) or Heil Hitler. Eric sighed. OK, but this stuffs hard to talk about, he said. It depends how red-pilled you are.

Alt-righters love talking about the red pill. Its a reference to The Matrix blue-pilled people bumble through a life of illusion, while the red-pilled have watched the truth and theres no going back. Like all conspiracy theorists they ensure the hidden hand that guides all things, but for the alt right that hand is Jewish. The red pill is classic antisemitism, rebooted for a younger generation. As we walked, he laid it out the banking, the media, the globalism. We passed games of beach volleyball and family barbecues, while he explained why the Holocaust was exaggerated and Hitler got a bad rap.

A nation without colour: William Johnson speaking at an AFP conference in 2013.

Have you noticed that kombucha isnt as fizzy as it used to be? he asks, along the way, because Eric isnt your average Nazi. He trained as a spiritualist. He has taught meditation. He brought his tarot cards in case I wanted a reading.

Dont tell me its the Jews, I tell him. He chuckles. You said it , not me!

In the late 70 s, the Klansman David Duke swapped his hood and robes for a suit and affiliation, and took white dominance out of the cross-burning fields and into the boardroom. Mark Potok of the Southern Poverty Law Center describes the alt right in similar terms, as Racism 2.0, a rebranding for the digital generation. Its a trendy reboot alt right builds white domination sound like an art collective. And Eric, the kombucha Nazi, just takes it a step further into the aisles of Whole Foods. Hes a locally sourced, wild-caught bigot high in omega-3s and antisemitism. It attains him more sinister in some manner, and more harmless in others. As Nazis go.

Hmm, Nazi. Like Johnson, hes squeamish about terms. Warriors against political correctness can be awfully sensitive. Its such a slur, he says. But come along hes a Hitler apologist. OK, penalty, he says. Just dont say Im a Buddhist, because Im actually more into Norse and Celtic mysticism now.

Itll come as no surprise that someone whod instead be called a Nazi than a Buddhist has a strange story to tell. Originally from a well-off white suburb of Chicago, he moved to Las Vegas to pursue music. Then one day, in the gym of his condo house, he met a guru figure well call Frank. A spiritualist and businessman, Frank introduced Eric to New Age mysticism and Japanese Buddhism. And it was under Franks guidance that Eric moved to LA to study hypnotherapy and began a career giving reads and tarot demonstrates at a psychic bookshop. Frank, he says, was his mentor and best friend. But then Eric took a turning. He radicalised himself. He left the New Age life, detecting it too feminine, and spiralled down a sinkhole of conspiracy hypothesi. He and Frank have been estranged ever since. Frank is black.

By the book: author Ann Coulter. Photograph: Aaron Davidson/ Getty Images

Today, Eric still meditates and practises yoga. His weeks are spent like David Brent, as a travelling salesman, driving around gratifying his solar energy clients. His weekends, however, are all about the Beach Goys, which now has 15 members. Last week, they went on a hike to the Murphy Ranch in the Pacific Palisades, a decrepit old property that was originally constructed as a refuge for Hitler after the war. Next week is their first band rehearsal. Erics going to play guitar and sing. And this is the future he wants not a plum job with the Trump administration. I dont find myself as a bureaucrat, he says. I want to take the Beach Goys national. I want to inspire people.

It could happen. Trump has unleashed something in America. Johnson wont uncover the AFPs membership numbers Perhaps we want to appear bigger than we are? but Eric insists the alt right is on the procession. Were growing with every hashtag, every BLM protest, every city that becomes a Detroit, or a London, he says. Were everywhere! Were the guy next to you at yoga, the barista at Starbucks … Its like Fight Club for supremacists, a profoundly unsettling thought( which is why Eric loves it ).

But his delight in being a secret Nazi detracts from the seriousness of it all, the white genocide stuff. Hes having too much fun. And I wonder, as we finish our brews, if it will pass for Eric, this Nazi phase. He simply doesnt seem that threatening. Then he starts up about a race war, that old white-supremacist chestnut. Because behind the trolling veneer, the alt right is more traditional than alt. What Eric believes is vintage racism, the same old wine in a new ironic cask. And Tony Benns terms ring as true as ever: Every generation must fight the same combats again and again.

Our civilisation is at war and we need to secure our people, Eric says. We must seize power and take control. And the idea that we can do this peacefully is probably not realistic.

We get along well enough, Eric and I, but he has the same micro/ macro discrepancy as Johnson. And at a macro level, there is only desperation and division. I do not advocate violence, but I will give my life for my blood and for the honour of my ancestors.

He thrums the tarot cards in his hands, his voice becoming ever more animated. We accept the game thats being played. We accept that the lion and the gazelle are competitor. But they dont “re going to have to” dislike one another. Thats just how we view it.

He shrugs. Its scary. The world is scary. This is not a game for children.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

The post ‘ Call me a racist, but don’t say I’m a Buddhist ‘: America’s alt right appeared first on Top Rated Solar Panels.

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[canaryatlaw]

Today was okay-ish. Not great really. I'm still just in a weird space, mentally. Still can't get my mind to stop racing. I did call my psychiatrist today but he wasn't in that office today, but they took a message and said they'd have him call me, and asked if I needed to be today, so I said I mean it's okay if it's tomorrow but today would be preferable. I didn't get a call back today. Sigh. And it's just that much more difficult now that I'm working 9-5 because when am I supposed to do things like call my psychiatrist or anyone else that is only open 9-5? When am I supposed to go to the doctor ffs? I have one appointment scheduled for late June at 8 am. I'm sure that's gonna go over well with my brain. Sigh. Now I'm getting worked up over this which is the last thing I wanted to do. I think I'm gonna go up to 4 mg of Xanax a day though. It's still within the threshold he said I could try to figure out. I just want to talk to him about it because this guy knows my brain better than probably even me and when something that used to work is no longer working it's not a good sign. I should move on now though. Alarm went off at 7 and I successfully convinced myself to get out of bed by 7:01. Got ready, poured my cocoa krispies and then looked at my milk and it had apparently curdled when the refrigerator does was stuck open for some reason when I got home yesterday. Great. At least I figured it out before I poured it onto my cereal. So I hurried around grabbing some oatmeal (one of the disposable cups) and some cinnamon toast eggos. Made the bus so that's good. I got to the office and went to go see my supervisor but she wasn't in her office, so I just went back to mine and started working on the stuff she gave me yesterday. Not that long after she showed up at my office and said she was gonna be taking a personal half day but would make sure I had enough work, and that she'd probably be going down to court at 10:30 if I wanted to join her so I said sure. Kept working until then, then went down to court and absolutely nothing interesting happened when I was hit by another one of my wow you're going to close your eyes every 3 seconds now and be incapable of keeping them open spells that I've been getting lately when I'm sitting still and focusing on one thing, and at some point after that started my supervisor came over and said it looked like all the cases were just getting dates so it wasn't gonna be interesting if I wanted to go back upstairs. I'm not sure if she saw that I was visibly falling asleep or not, lol, but I took the out. It was a little past 11 at this point and I think then was when I called my psychiatrist. Then I didn't really have any work to do so I closed my door and set my alarm for noon and took a nap. I woke up at like 11:45 so I was probably only "out" for like 30 minutes, which I figured I'll just work through my lunch to make up for so it'll be fine. I mean, power naps are a thing right? And as long as I get the work done it's not like anyone cares, so....not a big deal lol. So I then opened my office door and started conversing with the two ladies who have the offices across and next to mine. The offices are kind of set up mostly in these 3 pod systems, and this is the first time I'm actually in a full 3 pod, since first semester the office next to mine was empty and last semester I was just kind of off in a corner. So we talked as we worked and that was cool. One of the ladies gave me some DCP packets to do, which they seem to think is like the worst thing ever and kept apologizing for giving me such a boring assignment and I'm like.....dude, I spent an entire semester doing this basically. This is child's play lol bring on the packets I can do them all. So I did all 4 then reported back to her and expressed my concern about the investigation into the last one that was somewhat lacking (whenever an allegation gets unfounded on the grounds that "it's the kids word versus the foster parents word so I'm gonna believe the foster parent" the kill bill sirens start going off in my head). So that was good. She then asked if I wanted to do some trial prep for a TPR, so I spent the rest of the afternoon sorting through a rather large file to write up a timeline of services that mom and dads 1&2 did or did not do (no polygamy, just two different dads for two kids). It wasn't terribly thrilling but it was fine. I left right around 5 to catch the 5:13 train, which I'm gonna have to start leaving a little bit earlier for because the last two times it's been a few minutes early and I've barely made it (it's typical for me to get in anywhere between 8:50 and 9, so I figure 5 minutes here or there evens itself out). Trip home was fine, quickly threw some dinner together and tuned into the flash, most of my excitement stemming from knowing that watching this week's episode meant getting to next week's episode when my bby Len is coming back haha so more of a means to an end than anything else, but I actually really liked the episode! I definitely like, snorted when they showed that in wiping Barry's memories they screwed over Savitar too and now killer frost was like welp, gotta help them fix it lol. The scene with her and Cisco though, like stop it broke my heart so much <\3 like JUST LET CAITLIN BE HAPPY DAMMIT IT ISNT THAT HARD UGHHHH so that made me sad. The main part with Barry was pretty comical, him and Iris were adorable together even with the inevitable this isn't their reality looming over their heads. And they managed to get the probable cause hearing fairly by the book, so I didn't get too pissy over that (I mean, there's no way that would be the only possible way to keep the guy in custody and he would HAVE to be released otherwise, so that part was totally unrealistic, but I realize that was just a necessary plot point). But overall I really liked the episode and then of course the first shot of the preview had me flipping a shit immediately because LEN IS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE WAVERIDER and we already know he was wearing oculus clothing in other shots on the sizzle reel and ugh.......I really don't want to get my hopes up but I can't help it, they're already sky high. I really wouldn't be surprised if it's another fake out, though I would probably be the angriest I've been with them at this point. I guess we'll see where that goes. It took me about 6 minutes to remember that prison break comes on right after the flash (and by remember I mean going to the my shows list to watch B99 and see oh shit it's recording) but I caught up to live pretty quickly. I felt pretty distracted during this week's episode, probably just due to weird mental head space again. But I'm glad they're making progress and then they were like 3 episodes left!!! and I was like what????????? This is way too short lol. But I'm very much looking forward to that teased Michael/Sara reunion for next week because I know it's gonna be epic. Lol, at the end of the episode they're like "Michaels dying!" and I was like lol, when is Michael Scofield not dying? Also, at this point I'm just convinced Michael doesn't know how to give up on anything so he just keeps trying crazier and crazier ideas until one of them inevitably and inexplicably works. But I am enjoying that. So after that, I did watch Brooklyn 99. I may be totally wrong on this, but I could've sworn B99 used to be a half hour show??? I'm probably just wrong but I definitely thought that. This episode at least seemed very distinctly split into two parts, both of which were pretty great. The Rochester partying was hilarious of course as was them recreating what happened. Then there was the whole Amy/Jake storyline with her taking the sergeants exam that led to that super sweet scene of him just being like this is your dream and it's been your dream before we started going out, I've always known you were gonna be my boss anyway and it was really adorable (and then he went all die hard and it was really funny). And yeah, that pretty much capped my tv for the night. I got into a Twitter DM convo with one of the DCTV podcast hosts (I'm being intentionally vague here) regarding the appearance of the waverider in the trailer and they weren't happy about it and was just kind of ranting at legends and normally we just have stupid and amusing conversations about our shows so it got kind of awkward for a minute there but we both calmed down and were like okay it's fine people have opinions lol. And plus they have an entire podcast to rant to about their opinions, so the need to do it to me personally isn't really there. We're fine though, I like them and I enjoy talking to them. And that was pretty much my day. Tomorrow is Wednesday and my third day at "work" for summer. Did I mention I'm the only law clerk in the office right now? My name looks so lonely on the sign in sheet, lol. Most people are still in finals, I just finished really early and wanted to make sure I made it back in time for the child death case to be up so here I am. I'm probably the only law clerk in the building at this point 😂 but yeah, as far as I know I'll finally be going iron the field (maybe I should pack a change of clothes? We didn't discuss this) or maybe she's coming to the courthouse but I'll be interviewing a 5 year old girl who was removed from her mother's care about 2 weeks ago after reports of physical abuse and that mom was a heroin addict with visible track marks on her arm, and she was always referring to her daughter as "that little bitch" and like throwing her around, and also they were living in like complete desolation, like there were holes in the floor and no heat (and this is Chicago and even though ITS FUCKING MAY it's still been freezing) and many other such examples and yeah, it wasn't good. The DCP investigator seemed to think the girl appeared as a normal happy, healthy 5 year old so that's encouraging. I guess we'll see how that goes. Okay, time for bed now. Goodnight punks. Stay awesome.

[pbandjesse]

My head just started hurting really bad. Why. Today was a very long day. I ended up having 5 groups. And it was a lot. But it was also a pretty great day. It just ended weird and a little scary. 

I did not sleep great last night. SweetP got into our room and proceeded to be so loud. Just stepping on us. Batting at the posters on the wall. Just being a nuisance. So it was not the best sleep. But I woke up happy. I had planned to wear my green linen dress but its just to tight on my boobs. It will just be costume dress now I suppose. So I switched to t shirt dress. Even though it can be a little to hot. 

My hair was dirty but besides that I felt cute. I had a good drive into work and it was a quiet morning. We found out that an ambulance did some for the horse girls yesterday. Two of them went to the hospital and one is having trouble still. So keep them in your thoughts. It was pretty upsetting. 

But today was to busy to dwell. And I invited the remaining horse girls to come make art later in the day. Try to bring some joy in. 

Half the power was out at camp too. Which meant the bathrooms were not working. Or the sinks. Because we use a well. But after some back and forth the power company came out and was able to fix it before 1030. So that was good. The art shed only lost power for a little. Which was nice. 

I had set up the theme project, which was painting leaves, in the front of the art cabin. And then setting up the photo project on the other side. My first group was great and honestly all the groups were fun today. I really liked talking through this project. Explaining cryptids and why someone might make some thing up. Why someone else might believe it. And the project was timed really well so while they still get time to hang out in the hammocks its not to much time. 

I had a 2 hour break. And during that I listened to a podcast and worked on my little house project. Elizabeth was coming around with chickfila for staff and she felt so bad when I told her I didnt eat meat. Charlotte and Alexi apparently forgot and then Elizabeth was so upset. I was like. Its okay! I had lunch! But then I felt bad that she felt bad. Charlotte ended up bringing me fries a little while later. And I appreciated the thought even though I wasnt upset. 

I am really excited about this little house project. I just like making them too so I hope the kids like the project. 

The afternoon was very busy. Some confusion with the schedule so I had a group every hour. But it all worked out. I had a good time with the kids. There were some really fun monsters made. It was great. 

Around 130 we all got a storm warning alert on our phones. But it didnt seem like a storm was coming. Man were we wrong. 

At 330 I had my last group of the day. Erin was their counselor and asked if it was okay for her to go close up the nature center for the weekend. Yeah thats all good. This was a good group. The oldest kids. And they were fun! They made good work. They hung out in the hammocks. But then there was thunder in the distance. We laughed it off. But then Heather came over the walkie that there was lightning. And then very loud and close thunder. I told the kids to get out of the hammocks and get them down from the trees. They quickly did that as it started to rain. But then it got scary and the walkies were going off over and over to get the kids to shelter. And the art building isnt safe for that. Its got a tin roof. We were trying to get the art stuff inside but then it was like. Scary. It wasnt even raining that hard yet, but the wind and the noise was terrifying. I told the group to run up to the fort. Grab all your stuff and run. I stayed behind a few more minutes to try to get more things in and then grabbed my rain coat and bag and made a run for it too. 

They were telling me to get in a shelter, like me specifically, over the walkie and I made it to the fort right as the sky opened up. 

It was scary being in the fort. But the kids were funny. They were scared at first. But once the wind calmed down they were fine and joking. My heart was racing a bit. I didnt get all the art stuff inside. And I was worried what I would come back to. I made the kids help clean to give them something to do. But after a half hour the rain slowed enough that we could all move to a safer place for the kids to get picked up.

I went back to the art shed and it wasnt as bad as it could have been. But it was a disaster. An art disaster. Everything was soaked. All the theme stuff was ruined. I just rolled it up and threw it away. Wasnt even worth trying to save. The stuff in the back was wet but could be salvaged for the most part. I threw some stuff away but I mostly just laid things out in the art shed and I hope it drys by monday. 

I got the rest of my stuff and locked up before heading to the office to see where they could use me. So off to the pool house to help watch the kids. And it was mostly just quiet. The rain was steady until 5. And then it started to clear up. I hung out with the kids but soon it was time for me to go home. 

I stopped at the office to check in about my schedule next week. Found an issue that I tried to help fix. Came up with some ideas. And then went to my car. 

I had a long ride home. Three separate accidents slowed the highway down to a stop. But I got home around 6. I ordered dinner. I was going to jump in the shower but it said it would be here at 620 so I waited. And waited. And then my food didnt come! Until almost 7! What the heck. 

My driver was super nice though. What a good guy. I was glad to eat and then took the bets shower and have been laying in bed playing on pinterest and instagram since then. 

But my head kind of hurts and I am pretty tired. I am very excited to have the next two days to just clean and enjoy the quiet. I hope its just a happy time. For all of you too. Sleep well my friends. Goodnight!

[pbandjesse]

Im not having a very good time today. Which feels extra bad because yesterday was so nice. I am feeling very weird about everything. Scared about going back to work. Scared about never going back to work. About how my plans may all have to change for the summer. How I was supposed to be with my family this weekend but I am not. I was just so damn tired. It wasnt good. I didnt do much. My low fever from yesterday is gone though, and my cough isnt as frequent. Still gross and hurts but its not as often. So thats postive.

 Im sitting here with James while he played a video game. We tried to play a couple games together today but after a little I would just get to stressed. I just dont find that fun. I just like collecting games. I want to play things with him though and he is trying hard to find things he thinks I would like. And so many are like a penny right now. So I appreciate the effort. Im just tired. 

I slept better last night. But I was woken up by someone playing the radio incredibly loudly out in the street while they trash picked. And like the music was whatever, made me laugh. But then the very loud radio announcements and commercials made me want to scream. That was not a fun way to wake up. 

James tried to make up donuts but they came out all flat and my sense of taste is still very messed up so I didnt enjoy them as much as I hoped. They smelled nice though. And I really love him for trying. 

I got a shower and washed my hair. I felt very good today. I weighed myself and Im down to 159. Thats a 3lb pandemic loss. My rings fit better and this dress wasnt so tight in the boobs. Just gotta keep up the eating habits. Which is both easier and harder when you are just at home. 

Im sort of past the eat all the snacks phase of it. I am mostly just bored. I dont even want to eat because nothing tastes right. 

But that zapped my energy. I enjoyed playing my animal crossing. And I redesigned all of my cabin and camp. But I couldnt get myself to do much else. 

James went for a ride and I was able to muster up some energy to paint on my big painting for a while. That was nice. I didnt do any sewing which Im slightly disappointed in. But thats okay. I could only work for so long before I went and laid down. 

It also really didnt help that it was much colder today then yesterday. I just couldnt seem to get warm. Which made me pretty miserable. I closed all the windows and put on socks and that helped but not as much as I wanted. I did some cleaning. Changed out pillow cases. Tried to make nice. 

I had some pasta salad. Then James was home when I was listening to my podcast. We played some of the games together. But I was hungry and all I wanted was burger king. So we ordered on grubhub. Support those drivers in this weird time. 

The app had a funny mistake in it though. Medium fries were the normal price. Like $2.97 or something. But the large fries were alsmot $10?? How large are these fries?? So we got mediums and waited. 

Didnt take long at all. And it was good to eat something like that honestly. Even with my messed up tastes. It made me feel a little more connected to the outside world maybe? Thats silly but its now been a week since my job interview and any real time I have spent outside of this apartment. I am afraid that Im going to become agoraphobic or something after thing. I miss my family mostly. And I feel very tired. 

After we ate, James asked what he could do to clean because we had done all the normal things. So I gave him so tasks while I laid down. I didnt sleep. I just watched videos and played animal crossing. James came and laid with me for a while and that made me feel calm enough to sleep for a while. 

When I got up James tried to ask when I wanted for dinner but everything savory made me feel kind of sick to think about. So we ended up having crepes with apples. I missed the sunlight but I did get some of a drawing in before it was to dark to see details. Ill finish that tomorrow probably. 

We played a couple levels of this game until I felt to stressed by it. And now I really just want to wash my face and lay back down. I just feel so tired deep in my soul. 

Tomorrow I hope I feel better. I will wear something warmer. I want to feel better. I hope you are all are doing alright. Stay safe. Pray for this all to be over soon. 

[pbandjesse]

Today has been a bit of an emotional rollar coaster. Because James is trapped in Massachusetts. He was supposed to be home but the car broke down. Im very sad about it. I want him to be home. This is my California trip all over again.

But Today wasnt all that. I slept pretty well last night. And woke up early. I took my time getting ready. Got myself together. And left a little early. It's still a fairly hard ride to the bmi. When its not so hot it wont be so bad.

I stopped at McDonalds for breakfast. And walked over to the museum. I was. So hot. I was melting. RJ let me in pretty quickly though and everything was alright.

It was a nice morning. I had fun talking to Gaby. We were both surprised when the security guard started letting people in while neither of us were up front because we were turning on an exhibit. It was frustrating. But whatever.

I ran off to make sure lights and things were on. And turned on some machines for the guests. It was fun. I had a lot of really nice guests. I gave 3 tours and they were all a lot of fun. And i had fun talking to tiny kids and answering questions. It was a nice day.

I had my lunch. I listened to my podcast. I was still a bit upset about James being stuck until at least tomorrow. But he is safe at least. I hope the car is fixed quickly though. I want him home.

Stacy the garment loft volunteer gave me a bag of fabric! I sorted and rubber banded all the colors. Its all spandex and its neat! It was so nice of her.

I had a tour and a half at the end of the day. And then just wandered around a bit until we were done. I had a really wonderful conversation with a guy who reminded me of my dad. And then it was time to go home.

It has stormed in the middle of the day. It was loud enough to interrupt my tours. But it had stopped by the time I was leaving. And it was very hot. Very humid and bright.

So getting home was rough. Its mostly uphill. I have found some ways to make it easier but still. Hot. I was so nauseous from the heat when i got home I thought I was going to pass out.

I got upstairs and felt horrible. I dropped everything and went to run a cold bath. I put the a.c. on and got in the water right away. Within 2 minutes of being in the apartment I was completely submerged.

I was so hot. It was horrible. But after some time in the water I felt better. Not 100% but better. I was mopey but fine.

I painted my nails and laid on the couch. Moved to the soft chair thing i made. Laid with sweetp. Eventually I made baked pasta. It was nice.

I worked on some art. I played with sweetp. I tried to feel happy even though James isnt here and I feel so worried about him. But he is okay, just frustrated and nervous.

I sorted out some clothes. And now im just watching videos and talking to James. I have 2 days of. Because i took a whole bunch of time to myself this month and thats been excellent. But I also just feel pretty alone. I am sad dnd couldn't happen tonight so no friends and my boyfriend isnt here. But I will do my best to have a good day tomorrow.

Sleep well everyone. Send good vibes that the car gets fixed quickly and everything is okay tomorrow.

[topsolarpanels]

‘ Call me a racist, but don’t tell I’m a Buddhist ‘: America’s alt right

They present themselves as modern thinkers of extremism. But the US far right, detects Sanjiv Bhattacharya, have the same white supremacist obsessions

Every few weeks, William Johnson, the chairman of the white nationalist American Freedom Party( AFP ), holds a lunch for members, the goal being to stimulate America a white ethnostate, a project that begins with electing Donald Trump. This week, its at a grand old French restaurant called Taix, in Echo Park, Los Angeles an odd option on the face of it. Echo Park is a trendy hood. Its hipster and heavily Hispanic. In fact, given the predominance of Latino kitchen staff in this city, it may be wise to hold off on the Trump talk until the food arrives.

About three months ago, Johnson begins, I was talking to Richard Spencer about how we need to plan for a Trump victory. Spencer is another prominent white patriot he heads the generic-sounding National Policy Institute. I said: I want Jared Taylor[ of American Renaissance] as UN Ambassador, and Kevin MacDonald[ an evolutionary psychologist] as secretary of health and Ann Coulter as homeland security! And Spencer said: Oh Johnson, thats a pipe dream! But today, hed no longer say that, because if Trump wins, all the establishment Republican, theyre run They detest him! So whos left? If we can foyer, we can set our people in there.

Around the table five young men, roughly half Johnsons age( hes 61 ), nod and tilt in. They all wear suits and ties, relating to the waiter as sir and identify as the alt right, the much-discussed nouvelle vague of racism. Are you guys familiar with the Plum Book ? Johnson asks. Its plum because of the colouring, but also because of the plum stances there are 20,000 jobs in that volume that are open to a new administration.

So we need to identify our top people! says Eric, one of “the mens” at the table.

Just anyone with a college degree! Johnson says.

Right. Eric is practically ricochetting in his seat with excitement. We need to get the word out. We are the new GOP!

A whiter future: pro- and anti-Trump supporters clash outside Trump Towers in New York. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

Its not every day that a brown journalist gets to sit in on a white-nationalist strategy meeting. But these are strange periods. Racism is trending. Like Brexit, Trump has normalised views that were once beyond the pale, and groups like the AFP have grown bold. Their humen stubby orange thumbs are within reach of actual power, so perhaps its time to emerge from the darkness at last.

I first satisfied Johnson in May after he signed up as a Trump delegate before being swiftly struck off by the campaign when the press found out. Hes a surprising figure. An avid environmentalist, fluent in Japanese and, in person , not the bitter old racist Id expected but rather a jolly Mormon grandfather, bright eyed and chortle, a Wind in the Willows character. Eric is even more unexpected. Tall and impassioned, “hes come to” racism via hypnotherapy, of all things. He sells solar panel for a living and practises yoga. Together with his friends Matt and Nathan, who are also here at lunch, he runs an alt-right fraternity in Manhattan Beach a beer and barbecues thing. Theyre called the Beach Goys. Were starting a parody band, he beams. Weve determined a drummer!

Between them they represent two poles of a racist spectrum, young and old. And judging from this lunch, its the millennials who are the more extreme. Johnson wants white nationalists to seem less mean and he discovers the JQ, the Jewish Question, archaic. But Eric loves the meanness of the alt right. Were the troll army! he says. Were here to win. Were savage! And antisemitism is non-negotiable. In fact, hed like to clear up a misnomer about the alt right, propagated by the Breitbart columnist Milo Yiannopoulos, who is often described, erroneously, as the movements leader. Milo casts the alt right as principally a trolling enterprise, dedicated to attacking liberal shibboleths for the lulz theres precious little actual intolerance. But Eric insists otherwise. Yes, they like to joke, they have memes, theyre just as funny as liberals have I heard of their satirical news podcasts, the Daily Shoah and Fash the Nation ? But attain no mistake, the racism is real. Eric especially enjoys The Daily Stormer , a resulting alt-right news site, which is unashamedly pro-Hitler.

What unites Johnson and Eric is what they describe as the systematic browbeat of the white male namely all this talk of privilege, the Confederate flag, Black Lives Matter and mansplaining. But beyond that, its the looming extinction of the white race. This is the language they use. Also: Diversity equals white genocide. The alt right loves to evoke genocide while harbouring Holocaust deniers. Their phase is that white people are melting away like the icecaps, and they have a primal drive to stop it. In 2044 , non-Hispanic whites will drop below 50% of the US population. The generation of the white minority has already been born, Eric says. Look at South Africa and Rhodesia. Thats where were headed. Total disenfranchisement.

Mexican activists on the campaign trail. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

I want to reassure him that his Brown Rulers is likely to be gentle and that bondage isnt so bad when you get used to it. But its not me they want to hear from, its white people. This is the white patriots burden the very people theyre trying to save are the ones who most ferociously oppose them. The only group I cannot get along with is white people, tells Johnson. Because white people hate white people who like white people.

A couple of days later, Johnson is at his cluttered desk in downtown LA, nattering merrily in Japanese to a woman in Tokyo. He get lots of media requests these days, but especially from Japan. Theres an uncanny connection between Japan and white patriotism in America. Jared Taylor, white nationalisms foremost intellectual, is another fluent speaker. Its an ethnostate and its deeply nationalist, he says. And they have resisted the pressure to admit refugees. I say: God blesses them!

For his part, Johnsons racism was shaped in Japan. He grew up in Eugene, Oregon, a country founded as a white utopia, in a modest Mormon home, back before the LDS church gave black people the priesthood in 1978. But it was his two-year mission to Tohoku, Japan, that turned him. As he went from door to door, locals would opine on the greatness of white America. They had an inferiority complex after the war, so we were treated like celebrities, he tells. Oh, it was just the funnest day! A few years later, while working in Japan as an attorney, he wrote a volume advocating the repatriation of all non-whites with appropriate reparations, because I believed America was going to breakdown unless I did something. When he returned to LA, he sent a copy to every congressman. He was 32.

Clearly things didnt work out as schemed. His forays into politics floundered and then his offices were bombed. So he retreated from activism for nearly 15 years, only returning in 2009 to form the AFP just in time for the rise of the alt right.

We head to his 67 -acre ranch near Pasadena, a hilly lot backing on to a national forest. I asked to meet his family, but his wife rejected, so we tour the farm instead his persimmon orchard, his ponies and ducks. And there on his pick-up truck is a stencil of Jimi Hendrix. My daughter said that she wished to paint, he says proudly. None of his five children are white patriots, though they have promised to marry within the race.

Youre a white supremacist with a black artist painted on your truck, I tell him. And he flinches. Thats the meanest, most hurtful swearword there is. Just because I tell different races have different strengths doesnt entail I think Im superior. He doesnt like racist either. Its a pejorative. I prefer race realist.

But its not my reality, Bill. Im sticking with racist.

Well, OK. But people who embrace racist are mad at everybody. I get along with people. You cannot function in Los Angeles without encountering other races, so I look for areas of similarity and agreement. Its important to treat everyone with the highest respect on a micro level.

I thought America was going to collapse unless I did something: William Johnson, chairman of the American Freedom Party, at home on his ranch near Pasadena. Photo: Barry J Holmes for the Observer

On a macro level, however, darkness autumns multiculturalism is doomed, the different races will never get along, and our only hope is Balkanisation: separate provinces for separate tribes. And whatever accelerates that transition is greet, even racial discord. I dont suppose friction is a good thing, he says, but it would help facilitate the divide that is necessary.

We stop to feed his alpacas. Theres a brown one, a black one and a white one, standing peacefully together against the chicken wire fence.

See Bill, theyre getting along.

He giggles. I wish people were like alpacas.

Im with Eric at a Mexican restaurant in Manhattan Beach where he lives, an upscale, white neighbourhood in the South Bay. He clears space on the table and grinnings. OK, you ready? Your first tarot card reading with the Hitler Youth!

Its been an odd afternoon. We strolled along the beach and I asked about his gmail address which includes the number 1488, a potent number for white supremacists. The 14 stands for the 14 terms coined by the late David Lane of different groups The Order: We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children. And the 88 refers to HH( H being eighth in the alphabet) or Heil Hitler. Eric sighed. OK, but this stuffs hard to talk about, he told. It depends how red-pilled you are.

Alt-righters love talking about the red pill. Its a reference to The Matrix blue-pilled people bumble through a life of illusion, while the red-pilled have find the truth and theres no turning back. Like all conspiracy theorists they insure the hidden hand that guides all things, but for the alt right that hand is Jewish. The red pill is classic antisemitism, rebooted for a younger generation. As we walked, he laid it out the banking, the media, the globalism. We passed games of beach volleyball and family barbecues, while he explained why the Holocaust was exaggerated and Hitler got a bad rap.

A nation without colouring: William Johnson speaking at an AFP conference in 2013.

Have you noticed that kombucha isnt as fizzy as it used to be? he asks, along the way, because Eric isnt your median Nazi. He developed as a spiritualist. He has taught meditation. He brought his tarot cards in case I wanted a reading.

Dont tell me its the Jews, I tell him. He giggles. You said it , not me!

In the late 70 s, the Klansman David Duke swapped his hood and robes for a suit and tie-in, and took white domination out of the cross-burning fields and into the boardroom. Mark Potok of the Southern Poverty Law Center describes the alt right in similar terms, as Racism 2.0, a rebranding for the digital generation. Its a trendy reboot alt right makes white dominance sound like an art collective. And Eric, the kombucha Nazi, just takes it a step further into the aisles of Whole Foods. Hes a locally sourced, wild-caught bigot high in omega-3s and antisemitism. It constructs him more sinister in some ways, and more harmless in others. As Nazis go.

Hmm, Nazi. Like Johnson, hes squeamish about words. Warriors against political correctness can be awfully sensitive. Its such a slur, he tells. But come near hes a Hitler apologist. OK, fine, he says. Just dont tell Im a Buddhist, because Im actually more into Norse and Celtic mysticism now.

Itll come as no surprise that someone whod rather be called a Nazi than a Buddhist has a strange story to tell. Originally from a well-off white suburb of Chicago, he moved to Las Vegas to pursue music. Then one day, in the gym of his condo building, he met a guru figure well call Frank. A spiritualist and tycoon, Frank introduced Eric to New Age mysticism and Japanese Buddhism. And it was under Franks guidance that Eric moved to LA to study hypnotherapy and began a career devoting reads and tarot reveals at a psychic bookshop. Frank, he says, was his mentor and best friend. But then Eric took a turning. He radicalised himself. He left the New Age life, detecting it too feminine, and spiralled down a sinkhole of conspiracy hypothesi. He and Frank have been estranged ever since. Frank is black.

By the book: writer Ann Coulter. Photograph: Aaron Davidson/ Getty Images

Today, Eric still meditates and practises yoga. His weeks are spent like David Brent, as a travelling salesman, driving around satisfying his solar energy clients. His weekends, however, are all about the Beach Goys, which now has 15 members. Last week, they went on a hike to the Murphy Ranch in the Pacific Palisades, a decrepit old property that was originally constructed as a refuge for Hitler after the war. Next week is their first band rehearsal. Erics going to play guitar and sing. And this is the future he wants not a plum job with the Trump administration. I dont see myself as a bureaucrat, he tells. I want to take the Beach Goys national. I want to inspire people.

It could happen. Trump has unleashed something in America. Johnson wont uncover the AFPs membership numbers Maybe we want to appear bigger than we are? but Eric insists the alt right is on the procession. Were growing with every hashtag, every BLM protest, every city that becomes a Detroit, or a London, he says. Were everywhere! Were the guy next to you at yoga, the barista at Starbucks … Its like Fight Club for supremacists, a profoundly unsettling thought( which is why Eric loves it ).

But his delight in being a secret Nazi detracts from the seriousness of it all, the white genocide stuff. Hes having too much fun. And I wonder, as we finish our beers, if it will pass for Eric, this Nazi phase. He simply doesnt seem that threatening. Then he starts up about a race war, that old white-supremacist chestnut. Because behind the trolling veneer, the alt right is more traditional than alt. What Eric believes is vintage racism, the same old wine in a new ironic cask. And Tony Benns terms ring as true as ever: Every generation must fight the same battles again and again.

Our civilisation is at war and we need to secure our people, Eric tells. We must confiscate power and take control. And the idea that we can do this peacefully is likely not realistic.

We get along with well enough, Eric and I, but he has the same micro/ macro discrepancy as Johnson. And at a macro level, there is only hopelessnes and division. I do not advocate violence, but I will give my life for my blood and for the honour of my ancestors.

He thrums the tarot cards in his hands, his voice becoming ever more animated. We accept the game thats being played. We accept that the lion and the gazelle are rivalry. But they dont have to detest one another. Thats just how we view it.

He shrugs. Its scary. The world is scary. This is not a game for children.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

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