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incorrectbatbquotes · 2 years

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hi i’m sylvie your favorite admin in the world and i’ve been hyperfixated on batb (1991) since I was 14 so here’s my definitive (mostly spoiler free) review of every book based in the universe of batb (1991)

1. As Old As Time (alternate universe)

Like a 6.7/10. The characters were well written and I liked the imagery. Felt very reminiscent of the musical adaptation which I liked. A lot of characters to keep track of though and I don’t love the uh. “subtext”. somebody else in the fandom mentioned their issues with it and i don’t remember who it was but yeah that. I liked it but the flaws unfortunately bring it down a few notches. still a decently interesting read. mrs potts was such a fascinating character in this I really loved how braswell wrote her. sadly no name for the beast this time but that gets addressed at one point so??

PROS

It’s a neat concept

The writing is really good

Pretty and spooky imagery

The characters are well written especially Mrs Potts (beatrice my beloved)

had some genuinely dark moments that fit surprisingly well

CONS

weird subtext iykyk

too many characters. so many names

some scenes happen really fast and move on with no explanation or callback to it

2. Belle Takes Flight (sequel)

2.1/10. Its meant for a younger audience but theres really good books for younger audiences and this aint one. I liked that it kinda centered around belle’s friendship with lumi and cogs bc its a fun dynamic but the boys come off as incredibly useless and bumbling the entire time especially when theres high stakes? like are they idiots? yes (lovingly) but oh my god it was rough like you could take them out of the plot and it would still make sense. on that note i subtracted 50% of the rating right off the bat bc this book fatshamed cogs every chance it could. the dialect felt very on par with the movie which was nice but the messy plot, inconsistencies, unlikable new characters, and like the constant reminder that cogs is plus sized really almost made me dnf. also the prince still has no name. read anything else on this list unless youre that content starved like i am actively begging

PROS

the way they talked was very on par with the movie? at least the main trio. they said mrs potts was irish?? h u h?

belle and her dads-in-law(s?) goin on an adventure is such a fun concept and again i like getting to explore their dynamic when not in a “please fall in love with our son-figure boss so we can have hands again” type situation

i liked elise. i thought she was cute.

CONS

bad decisions made by the characters and by the author simultaneously

the new characters were poorly written and had the capability of being really interesting (i was hoping granny was like a mechanical engineer or something before she got introduced. like cogs breaks his leg and elise is like “oh granny t will fix him” and my immediate thought bc of the phrase “fix” was like. steampunky prothetic leg omg so cool and she’s gonna help belle fix the hot air balloon but nah)

belle is the only one out of the three who contributes anything to the story which like yeah ofc but you could switch which servants were there and nothing would change

in case you forgot how cogsworth looks as a human, worry not! because this book will remind you. at every opportunity. like two times in one paragraph on page 4 type opportunity. I physically winced. if all your development for this character boils down to “he’s fat and he’s short and did I mention he’s fat” like. you lost me so fast babe.

3. Rebel Rose (sequel)

8.5/10. If Rebel Rose has 100 fans, i’m one. If Rebel Rose has 10 fans, i’m one. if Rebel Rose has 1 fan, it’s me. If Rebel Rose has 0 fans, it’s bc i died. clearly meant for an older audience but still kept the charm of the film. loved the dynamics between the characters and making the servants feel more realistic while still keeping their personalities and quirks of their animated counterparts. also gave the beast a name thats NOT adam so bonus points. lgbtq rep thats done well too so ANOTHER bonus point. pls emma give me a sequel i’m on my hands and knees

PROS

bro i could go ON

mature but not too mature yk?

I already said everything i need to say this book slaps

CONS

I dont give any books about monarchy and government type stuff a 10/10 because there’s always some issues with that. a book set during the French Revolution will have its faults regarding that but its not the focus of the book

4. The Beast Within (prequel/alternate universe)

4.5/10. this one is. weird? like I genuinely dont know how to explain it? the writing is nice, i like how creepy the witches looked physically, and it’s a better ya batb book than BTF but those the only good thing I can think to say about it? all the characters were flat and the PACING IS SO BIZARRE? like I genuinely thought there was a point where my archive.org borrow time ran out and the pdf stopped working but nope the pacing is just so genuinely bizarre. I don’t love the involvement with Gaston, it felt super forced. apparently this book is part of an expanded universe bc ursula from the little mermaid was mentioned??? i have so many questions that I won’t get answers to. i want to dislike it but i’m just so confused. like i might just make a separate post of how much this one confused me but I cant give it a lower rating than BTF because that one just made me mad. i think the fact that i had the coraline soundtrack on in the background might’ve convinced me it was better than it was bc it was good atmosphere music. read coraline instead of this idk it’s almost 4 am.

PROS

it was better than Belle Takes Flight

I like the Prince’s inner monologues. the writing was charming at times and had moments where it was really pretty

the coraline soundtrack makes it better

the moving statues were a cool element i wished we got more of that

the curse slowly taking effect is an element from the musical i love so it was nice seeing that used in another version

CONS

really weird pacing. like we go from the servants turning to objects to IMMEDIATELY belle getting attacked by wolves

the witch sisters were weird inclusions. like at first i liked the concept and their physical descriptions are freaky and cool but after a while i got confused? this whole book confused me but maybe i’m too old at my cant-rent-a-car-in-america age.

I’m really hoping most of my confusion was bc this was out of order in a series and I didn’t know it bc why was ursula there?

the prince (who still has no name) goes from being a massive jerk to talking about how much of a family he views the servants as and i think this was supposed to show how him slowly turning into a beast was messing with his head but it didn’t come off that way (the closest things you had to a mom and dad go missing and you dont go looking for them??? like you just tell everyone else to? when you were JUST talking about how much you care about them? “where’s my not-dad go find him” AND YOU DONT SEE THAT MAN FOR MONTHS???

i dont like gaston’s inclusion. i feel like his childhood bff being another snobby rich nobility boy wouldve been better.

it starts too late for a prequel. we never get explanations for where his parents are, why he’s the way he is, etc. like the story starts just a few weeks before the night he got cursed.

a lot of things happen and dont get explained or things happen offpage and is only spoken about in reference. (gaston murders a court painter bc beasty boy told him to? beast’s fiance’s mom kills herself? ursula fucking kidnaps his fiance? the entire part where he meets belle?)

IN CONCLUSION

Stan Rebel Rose

Enjoy but be critical of As Old As Time

Acknowledge that The Beast Within exists but don’t hope for consistency

Stare angrily at Belle Takes Flight and find better books for 13 year olds. I’ll make a list and everything if you want and i’m 7+ years out of the intended audience

(also regardless of my opinions, i send all my respect to each of the authors responsible. writing is hard, writing for the mouse™️ is probably harder. there were things I enjoyed in all of these, even if I didn’t love the book overall. i’m an actor and a costume designer, not a writer. dont take the opinions of some internet neurodivergent as gospel yall)

#not quotes #beauty and the beast #batb #no bc i just finished TBW and i’m still reeling bc wtf was that

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mcklunkers · 4 years

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Round 10 of Star Wars bullshit/shitposty headcanons: we’ve hit double digits ladies and gentlemen.

Enjoy!

-Padme and the handmaidens had sleepovers where they are junk food and watched trashy holo-comedies 100%.

-Obi-Wan is a better athlete than Anakin but lets him win because he knows the kid is selfconscious about his abilities because of the chosen one prophecy. However Anakin and Ahsoka are the only exceptions to his hyper competitive nature. He will destroy anyone else at any sports based activity.

-Luke Skywalker lives off freezer nuggets and fries because he can’t cook properly.

-Fenn Rau is Scottish, so any clone that took pilot training understands an angry Scottish accent. Many of those ended up with the 212th, and Obi-Wan only figured out they understood properly when he had a rant under his breath and half the troopers around him started crying with laughter.

-Chopper used to be in charge of making Jacen’s cot at night, and sometimes he’d use one of Kanan’s shirts instead of a pillowcase so that the kid would know how his father smelt. Hera would curl up in the cot on these nights so they could almost feel like a complete family for a bit.

-The Clones have a tiktok/vine account.

-Jesse and Kix hoard blankets basic medical supplies for clones that are afraid to go to the med bay. They’ll fix them up in the barracks as well as they can, and if it’s serious Kix will just drug them as a last resort. They’ve used this strategy on more commanders and Jedi than they’re willing to admit.

-Thrawn hates being interrupted, but as an alien in the Empire he tends to keep him mouth shut about it. Back home? He has on more than one occasion slapped Thrass or told Ar’alani to shut up when they cut him off. Eli laughs everytime it happens and will always bring it up as a joke to Thrawn later, but never actively interrupts Thrawn after the Chiss told him how much it infuriated him.

-Fenn Rau is shredded and no one can figure out how or why. It’s actually because the other clone trainers roasted him for sitting down all day so he got buff out of spite.

-Thrawn has a cowboy hat the Eli finds...enjoyable.

-Finn is every resistance members first choice to babysit because the kids love him and he loves hanging with the kids. He is the hide and seek champion on the base.

-Faro has so many gay thoughts for Ar’alani that Eli will have to go over any brief she gives with Faro again later because not one word of that is going in. Head empty, only pretty blue lady.

-Clones play capture the flag paintball. 501st are reigning champs because they’re feral and no one can compete with that.

-The Rebels frequently roast Kallus over his ISB helmet cos it looks like cheese.

-All of the clones can sing well. (This is a public service announcement for clone/boba/Jango simps to check out temeura Morrison’s album on Spotify cos it proves this as canon.) 79’s Karaoke nights result in a lot of business. Especially when Alpha-17 gets drunk and breaks out the ABBA for Shaak-Ti.

That’s all for part 10, my Star Wars hockey team shitpost headcanons are also up, I’m thinking of other stuff too because my brain is very pro procrastination right now lmao. Also Im rereading the Thrawn books so there is a weird amount of that atm my bad. Enjoy lads 😁

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butchedyke · 5 years

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how was cats. i need a FULL movie review

oh man. okay. i’m going to start by saying it was, to put it lightly, really bad. between the animation and jennifer hudson’s snot and jason derulo’s accent it was, from start to end, absolute garbage! i haven’t seen the stage musical so i don’t know how it compares but the entire time i was thinking “wow this would be so much better onstage” while my brain was gradually obliterated by whatever the fuck was happening onscreen.

stand-out moments:

jason derulo really did almost suck some toes. i also could not understand a single word he sang and i looked up videos of the rum tum tugger to see if that was just the character but no, it was just him. i don’t think he has an acting career ahead of him.

the cockroaches with faces were just as bad as everyone’s been saying

rebel wilson unzipped her skin twice with no explanation. the second time was a vital plot point.

she just unzipped her skin and there was more skin plus some clothes underneath and that almost made me start crying

what DID make me start crying was naked idris elba, which i’ve been thinking about nonstop for the past 3 hours

dude was completely naked i really thought i was gonna see idris elba dick for a few horrifying seconds

the entire cinema reacted. people were laughing. people were crying, multiple people loudly said “what the fuck”

none of the other cats’ fur was the same colour as their skin, and none of their bodies were so tightly contoured that you could see their actual body. unfortunately, idris elba did not get to experience this dignity.

this was the point where i actually started crying and i don’t think i’ve fully stopped.

i think enough has been said about the cat-human abominations against god but somehow that wasn’t the only animation crime

the cgi outside of the cat-human hybrids was terrible! during bustopher jones some cats pour some wine in james corden’s mouth and it didn’t even look vaguely realistic. victoria does some really impressive ballet (big kudos to francesca hayward!) but she does pointe and rather than just let her have ballet shoes for the scene, like they did with the random hip hop cats, they cgi-ed feet onto her which was done so poorly that it didn’t even look like she was touching the ground for half of it. ears clipped through hats. tails clipped through arms. there was better cgi in spy kids.

speaking of limbs, the hands. the feet were jarring enough, they had human feet with human toes but they were at least appropriately coloured, but they just straight up had their human hands.

there were multiple serious scenes with jennifer hudson that i couldn’t take seriously because she was just covered in snot thanks to crying every time she was onscreen

the alternating between cat attributes and human attributes was really disturbing. they had human hands but ian mckellen licked water out of a bowl. they alternated between walking on two and four legs but at one point jennifer hudson just dropped to the ground and crawled away like a baby. i thought judi dench was about to kiss mr mistoffelees at one point

some plot points are just never explained like. at all. i went in knowing a little bit about the plot but i didn’t know the cats could do magic and it’s never explained!

sometimes idris elba just turns cats into dust! mr mistoffelees makes shit float! idris elba teleports! he’s naked and teleporting and it’s never actually explained!

judi dench sings at the camera for like 5 minutes at the end while three of the other cats react to what she’s saying and it activated my fight or flight response. i couldn’t hold eye contact

i don’t know why DAME judi dench and SIR ian mckellen did this to themselves. idris elba too. i have too much respect for them and i can’t reconcile that in my brain

despite being a main character, munkustrap’s name is not mentioned once and it wasn’t until i was looking into the stage musical to see if i was right and it’s better that i found out what his name was. before that i was just calling him “the MAIN CHARACTER without a NAME” to my girlfriend, who also saw it with me

the people sitting in front of us were very clearly experiencing the same emotions that we were

people clapped when it finished, and not in a good way. everyone around us was either in a state of shock or loudly asking what the fuck that was and why it was so bad

jennifer hudson being sent away in an unexplained hot air balloon to go perish in the sun is exactly how i felt at the end of the film

all of that being said, it wasn’t entirely horrid. it doesn’t translate well at all from stage to screen and making it like a regular hollywood film rather than a pro-shot type thing was bound to go poorly from the start because it doesn’t seem like the sort of musical you can do that with, unlike stuff like les mis or hairspray.

there were a handful of scenes that were okay onscreen:

mungojerrie and rumpleteazer, other than the bit with the cutlery from the trailer, was fun and really well performed

skimbleshanks’ song absolutely slapped and the dancing was impressive even if it suffered from cgi once again. also skimbleshanks was like. bizarrely sexy. and once again that was a tom hooper choice and not from the original musical so i have no clue where that came from

mr mistoffelees was good! he was by far the least bad looking of the characters and his song was entertaining!

the non-stunt cast performers were impressive and i’m sad they wasted their talents in this piece of shit film

all in all i don’t think i could watch it again without getting very, very drunk. i personally am banning tom hooper from making any more musical movies until he repents for his sins. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#cats 2019 #ive literally been lobotomised by this film my brain's been entirely obliterated #anonymous

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theskyexists · 4 years

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ive bought harrow the ninth and am now attempting to reread act 1 so that i may understand it better

ianthe clearly proposes that Harrow not get herself killed trying to bring Gideon back - reading it over again. instead to take the future and somehow?? be really powerful together and forget about their cavaliers. but harrow says no

im once again struck with how offhand this book introduces the concept that the empire goes out to deliberately kill planets over a couple of generations

now im not sure....there also seems to be an implication that there’s no aliens - because they say only humanity has a soul - but client planets were said to rebel - i guess the human colonisers rebel against central solar system command sometimes? but then what enemy does the Cohort fight? possibly it’s just bigotry that they think aliens dont have a soul

but like - they find LIVING PLANETS and then - kill them slowly. to the extent that they need to move the entire population. WHAT? why do they do that??? just so they can do some bone tricks???!

what the fuk

so how did the planets get murdered again? and which solar system planets could really have been said to have had enough life to have a soul?? cos like, only one of them is really known for that

why did God give Harrow the choice to go back home TWICE if he was never going to let her?

once again, why mess with the Hand candidates if God was always gonna come for Cytherea? just to mess with him more?

yeah - harrow keeps hearing and saying ortus ninegad but the rest of the world remembers gideon.

Harrow truly is totally mentally shattered AND time is totally fucked up

but sometimes in the fake-ish timeline Harrow remembers but doesn’t remember Gideon - like how she notes that there were two womb-bearing members of the Ninth who were the right age...but only elaborates on herself

for some reason - Harrowhark remembers Ianthe’s arm ripped from her by Cytherea - but now it’s whole. for some reason

that letter is still so what the fuck

‘like you did the last time’ - hm harrowhark sewed Ianthe’s lips shut? how did she come by the power?

is ianthe - calling Harrowhark God?

throughout the first act, they keep referring to time, having too much time, or not mastering time, or not having enough time, ‘this time’ etc.

the eggs you gave me all died - that’s DIRECTED at Harrow, is my theory

ok but the planet revenants come after Lyctors and also God (- God became God when? at the Resurrection) before the Lyctors happened - God was still at Canaan House - despite the Revenants already coming right...

is Teacher criticising god and lyctors for leaving Canaan House lol?

ok so yeah Canaan House WAS part of a ‘last sacrifice’

ok so - Harrowhark is a little resurrection miracle. This implies that God killed a lot to resurrect the Houses.

wow God is being a very dad to Harrow

Blood of Eden - BOE - they turned their back on the solar system. now they hate necromancy. in other words - when the solar system died, God resurrected it - but before that point some humans had fled - lived. and they can see what absolute fuckin horror necromancy is ACTUALLY

so what im getting is...maybe...god resurrected humanity by killing the planets...?

i just realised that Ianthe has taken Gideon’s place as the smartass in the room - the counterweight to Harrow’s portentousness

what the fuck do augustine’s comments to Mercy mean???? why is she unloveable? why would he say that God doesn’t need her? and why is it obscene that Augstine calls God John? What is the dangerous game she’s playing? What was the foul implication??

‘Then that is your downfall’ OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Harrow BURN!!!

what i don’t get is - the Cohort is an army - when they land they die because they’re being killed by an enemy at the front - NOT in pure sacrifice for thanergy. so why does only the death of humans and planets produce thanergy. why is the death of the enemy not good enough? they don’t have fuckin souls?? they MUST be complex life. and doesn’t a planet produce a constant stream of thanergy? but i guess it’s not dying enough - generally its life maintains itself in ecosystems.....unless a fuckin lyctor ‘makes the juice flow’ i guess!

sometime in the next book there IS gonna be a ‘are we the baddies’ meme. muir loves memes and she stuck skulls on absolutely EVERYTHIGN. Like WHY THE FUCK would you colonise planets if you gotta kill them for it? LOL????

huh? augustine just said that they can’t use necromancy when in the river - but mercy mocked harrow for having hypothermia ? implying her fundamental failure was not being able to necro while in the river? Harrow’s inability was what was wrong partly right?? oh no ok it’s how Harrow tried to compensate for her body going lights out while in the river. alright. that was written confusingly

how and why is this a completely different story???

The Sleeper.......is Harrowhark? the suit is too close to what she was wearing killing the asteroid. and the sleeper is lying on ‘something’. oh they just straight up say it lololol

ortus got into trouble 19 years ago...hhmmmmm wasn’t Gideon 19??? huh? which is why Mercy started at Harrow’s peculiar YELLOW eyes that Harrow can’t see herself i think

‘i do things face to face’ ortus says after stabbing harrow. HUH? why go for a stab if decapitating would have done the job? just to give her a small chance to fight back? (face to face?)

why not tell God that ‘his’ attack dog is trying to kill you?

why does Ortus the First want me dead? ‘who?’ ---uh. has she forgotten him completely (time shit) or is she saying the wrong name? mercy wouldnt reply like that then right?

she told him and he’s like - oh well guess you gotta just get through repeated almost-successful attacks on your life. ???? THANKS GOD!!!

‘you, with your unfortunate memory for poetry’ HA! i love how we are reminded that she knew all the fuckin damn books nearly by heart which is insane!

Teacher suggests his dying at least three times a day?? hahaha what?.........................is this purely a meme reference. is that meme the mental image im supposed to have of Teacher??????????? is this trying to say that this meme was preserved in the amalgamation of human life that is Teacher?? oh my god....

no.....palamedus and camilla....did old Harrow really kill them.....

seems like all the murders were consensual maybe?

it’s probably too straightforward that Harrow created and alternate timeline and made for a Harrow Lyctor without Gideon dying and kicked her to the original? maybe she took Ianthe and Coronabeth with her bc she needed Ianthe’s help

is this Cytherea or Dulcinea? Pro seems real this time. why does Dulcie call Pal and Cam strands and cords?

did muir put in a fuckin secondary school S - muir’s just like - im gonna put in all the memes as a nod to ancient human culture

still no idea what the messages are that Harrow is getting

This Harrow is so goddamn sick. I mean she was sick before, but at least she had Gideon. Really do feel that that helped her. now she didn’t have that -- AND she’s getting slapped with trauma another five times

if ortus can undo the thanergy of her own bone then why not simply crumble HARROW into dust? cos there’s a core of thanergy fusion in her that he can’t undo?

FLKJDFKLJSDLFSD fucking IANTHE ‘Wow! Not how I imagined this happening, at all.’ FUCKIN HELL

Harrow with her fucking fucked up dramatic inner monologues about weakness and Ianthe comes in with this shit. she really is doing Gideon proud here.

Did love Harrow’s musings about how only a truly idiotically obedient Cavalier would be the only one to keep to a vow of silence. HAH! nice one muir

‘have you taken the time to rest lately?’ asks God, YOUR FUCKING SAINT IS TRYING TO KILL HER IN THE FUCKING BATH YOU IDIOT AHAHAHAHA

JEZUS FUCKING CHRIST - try and be normal Harrow! try and make some soup and read a book! Harrow: *does and then hyperventilates hidden under her bed after 86 hours of zero sleep*

she was trying to remember what cutlery did. why is this so goddamn funny hahahaa. this book has ONLY been Harrow being in extreme states of misery ALL THE TIME both mentally and physically to the point of death

GOD IS HAPPY THAT SHE MADE SOUP AND DOESNT EVEN FUCKIN NOTICE SHE’S NOT SLEPT FOR A WEEK SOMEHOW THIS IS THE MOST HILARIOUS SHIT

thats what you fucking GET you piece of shit god! you push a prodigy teen to the brink and she fuckin explodes your lyctor and feeds you her fuckin marrow. maybe you shouldn’t have ignored her goddamn fucking understandable distress

SHE FUCKIN HITS HIM WITH THE FUCKIN TRUTH what an IDIOT of a God. he truly doesn’t understand mortality anymore huh

I LOVE HOW MERCYMORN CONTINUES TO MAKE HARROW YOUNGER IN HER HEAD AHAHAHAHAHAHA she’s only nine years old!!!hahahaha

naturally God focuses on how - wait- actually harrow is truly an INSANE necromancer - INSANE

still no idea what the fuck is going on in the not-past

aww. ianthe’s scent soothes harrow now. begrudgingly of course.

i thought this was gonna be lovely angsty harrow/gideon but naturally that did not happen

harrow is comfortable! first time in the whole book! one moment of comfort!!!

‘love my twin, also murder’ tridentarius pffjlfjdljf

‘how i crave your honeyed words’ hah

wow this scene sure is weirdly sexual with these similes lol ‘as though she had shyly undressed for you’ ok there Harrow you about to chop her arm off calm it probably sex repulsed thirsty teen

i do love how....there is this theme again that’s everybody underestimating the main character - who is actually a prodigy. Gideon had that with the sword and Harrow also has it with being a Lyctor now

it’s so telling that these Saints would rather be shits to these babies than help Ianthe grow a new fuckin arm

i dont see why Ianthe can’t work off this bone construct which is her own stuff and put some flesh on it since SHES A FLESH NECRO?

Ianthe that’s super gay

wow muir really never delivers on full gay does she??? i dont mind but i think it’s so striking hahaa

how are Harrow and Ianthe still hung up on the Saint of Duty? i mean, if they dont have him against the RB they’re dead anyway

why is the First going through rain and ice?

Harrow haunted? naawwww

i cant help but like mercymorn though - she cares. it’s soured ages ago but she cares.

awww Harrow needs Ianthe to sleep

Ianthe constantly poking Harrow for her prudishness is so goddamn funny.

‘It’s the type of energy i wish to take into my future’ AHAHAHAHAHAAH IANTHE MY GOD

‘i always forget you were an honest to go nun ... and six years old to boot if you listen to mercymorn’ HAHAHAHAHAHA

‘you look good enough that im proud of my handiwork but not so good that i’ll be consumed with lust and ravish you over the nut bowl’ fpdfjsdfkjsd this is what harrow means with crude japery and yet....

mercymorn has started to call harrow three years old. i will NEVER tire of this gag

all of the blood of eden stuff happened in the past 25 years??? god was on the erebos, but he also remembers ortus kicking the commander out of an airlock? that was in the last 25 years??

Ianthe‘s carressing the nape of Harrow’s neck. hmmhm

its honestly super weird if you think about it for more than 10 seconds that theyre talking about their cavaliers whom they murdered (im still not sure if all consensually) ten thousand years ago (!) and how hot they were that just seems.....fucked up

Harrow is like WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! basically all the time but especially now. yep well that was to be expected i guess lololol

Harrow being painfully frozenly fascinated by (god having) sex and deeply repulsed is very Harrow

oh nooooo well that was a perfect kiss between them really

the funny thing about Harrow is that though she is so completely fucked up - just like Gideon - she is fundamentally a helper.

why wouldn’t Harrow have thought of blood wards! she knew he could only bleed thanergy! it;s the first thing i thought - just use not bone wards then!

ortus thinks anastasia is in Harrow - which makes me think - why does he think that’s possible?

mercymorn now calls Harrow a two-year-old. i am waiting for embryonic genius

so did they use the river to get to the planets theyre killing?

Harrow feels the peace and pleasure of a stroll through nature that she has come to kill

oh my god - Harrow somehow saved Cam and Pal is still attached to the mortal plane!!

Harrow helps Cam risking herself entirely just like that. yknow as she does

i wonder if Pal has realised that Harrow is not who he remembers

i think he realised once he realised haz mat suit was Harrow also...

ianthe xo’d harrow.....lol

im sad that original harrow is definitely dead.... :( loved her. guess gideon’s not coming back either. not sure how the second adept survived. she didn’t survive in the original timeline either. but she was ‘killed’ in the other - just like coronabeth..so that means soemthing

this whole ‘flashback’ stuff to Canaan House is Harrow being in the River the whole time. the cold temperatures, the blood, the creatures theyre fishing from the sea that apparently abominations

after all, we’ve just learned about river bubbles and a haz!harrow that can change their parameters.

all the people ‘dead’ she’d not spoken to much or at all beforehand. like they’re NOT real, in the River. the only one not like that is Dyas...

the fact that the narrative keeps calling Dulcie, Dulcie means she’s really Dulcie.

there’s giant organs falling from the ceiling. this is definitely the river

they talk about time AGAIN

the Body is the devil who let herself be used to complete the work of Teacher and the Lyctors in his mythology....hmm. and when they realised the price (AFTER? the work was done?) they wanted her dead but he buried her....SHE allowed them to become Lyctors?? I still don’t understand why the heck that was necessary

the king is dead, long live the king. hmmmm

Harrow comes onto a hallucination of the devil who was her first crush with the voice of her parental figures and the eyes of a love interest she can no longer remember - which is actually not precisely a hallucination probably - and gets summarily rejected lol OUCH (the Body didn’t mean it that way ofc)

Harrow is so repressed on every single front but definitely sexually

I love Mercy

so there is death beyond death. does everybody go into the river and become a mad horrid ghost? like - is that everybody’s fate? how awful

ok so God DID resurrect the planets also. ? but like. then why are there resurrection beasts?

what does resurrection mean? and who killed the planets in the first place?

BECOMING NONE HOUSE, LEFT GRIEF

oh.....my god.

ARE YOU AND IANTHE BEING SAFE!!?!?!?! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

HIS BODYGUARD IS THE DEVIL??

so the destruction of Earth somehow made God? as though it was something that simply followed from it

A.L. was destroyed in the first assault? Of an RB

so the RB’s were happily running off in the other direction until they decided to fuck around and kill their mates to become immortal and powerful - then the RB’s turned around and came towards them - which meant leaving the planets God had resurrected forever.

what the fuck god??? hahahahaa

God always seems so likeable goddamn.

Harrow is such a dramatic bitch. Affection??? JUST KILL ME!!! KILL ME!! LET ME SMASH THE GLASS SO I CAN KNEEL IN IT AND BLEED ALL OVER THE FLOOR!!!!

Harrow goes into her fun kid's game of not dying to traps.

But she instantly calls him father. OH MY GOD

HE DOESNT BELIEVE HER!!!

'then that will be your downfall' - is what Harrow said to Augustine AND IT WILL BECOME TRUE FOR THEM ALL

to be dismissed like that where it hurts most - to have God Dad dismiss her only slip of comfort her only pillar of truth in this crazy old world

'nobody had watched you leave'

SOMEBODY HAD - I love all the deliberate references to Gideon

Temporal lobe!!!! Again the temporal lobe!!!

So why was it again that Harrow refused to be locked in with the Emperor?

So isn't God gonna check out Harrow's temporal lobe? He's just gonna let that mystery go to its death?

WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKK

Muir what the fuck??!!!!!!!!

Oh it was.....a hallucination?

Always love how this dips into genuine horror sometimes

What's weird is that Lyctors seem made for the task of going into the river and killing Resurrection Beasts - instead of the other way around.

So say - that the sword somehow holds Gideon's soul (we've just learned that that's possible from Pal and also Ortus trying to get Pent to summon his grandma by his sword) - does it not make sense that Harrow 'for some reason' stabbing Cytherea's corpse with it transferred it to her? Or maybe it's SOMEHOW Anastasia if Ortus was macking on her. But Ortus thought HARROW had/was Anastasia.

IANTHE WANTS TO MARRY HARROW - HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

Every fucking chapter doesn't make things any clearer. This is worse than Gideon the ninth

Hello???? Am I reading a canon alternate universe roleswap au??? What the FUCK is going on. This is like - if they hadn't gassed the 200 and her parents instead adopted Gideon for her clear necromantic gifts which nobody noticed somehow the other time round

I do love how Aiglamene was the sole source of slight comfort in Gideon's life. And Crux was Harrow's - apparently in any sequence of events.

Harrow is tumbling through timelines. But how can you do that just by messing with the lobe?

WHAT!! WHAT!!!

Is this...is this what I think it is??? Is thi

The fanfic roots are STRONG in this one. In fact I believe I've READ this fanfiction

Harrow's temporal fever dream (in the river?) HAD HER (Decidedly Not) VYING FOR 'HER DIVINE HIGHNESS' hand, which is either the Body or Gideon or both lololol. Seeing as the previous had Gideon as the main unnamed titled character - I bet it's Gideon ahahaaga

A fucking. COFFEESHOP AU. OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD

We've had roleswap, 'ball' au, and coffee shop au populated by the ghosts of the dead LOLOL,

I knew it!! I knew that they were ghosts and that they were in the river!!

Ok so but when did Harrow shoddily create the bubble? When she adjusted her memories at the start? When is this. Ah Harrow has the same thought hahaa

So the stage is a - she was building her memories while sleeping?

Why is that she cannot access her lyctorhood like this...

I just realised that Harrow's mind made the party food taste like SALT based on Ianthe's cooking!!!! Hahahaha

THE NARRATOR IS GIDEON. But it doesn't sound like Gideon though

There's more to the work than simply preserving Gideon's soul though. There are next steps that Harrow prepared for that Harrow doesn't know about yet

Who was the sleeper and why was it in Harrows riverscape of memories that she ACCIDENTALLY??? made

Ok she sounds like Gideon NOW

Gideon no it's not because she didn't want you! It's because she wanted you to live!!!!!

And she succeeded....your soul is INTACT in her body!!!! You're protecting her with full consciousness!! How the fuck. And why didn't that happen before when she went to the bubble?

Are the ghosts of the contestants happy that they got pulled out of the River briefly? Or were they so briefly in there they couldn't remember?

She returned them to the RIVER???? is that really such a kind fate????

Something has gone wrong in the River - yeah because why r all these ghosts going insane and stoppering it up like slib

Do love how Muir has found a way to give these characters more screentime

I actually said 'oof' when Harrow screamed at Ortus - oof that really is embarrassing. GodDAMN Ortus you stepping up with the emotional support!

I've EVEN read the damn fanfic in which they switched bodies. My god.

A. L. apparently is thought to wander about still. I think she's the body....I do believe she's the body. That's why the Lyctors are scared of her

She thought - what. Mercy is talking about blood of Eden's commander. What is going onnnnn still!!!! Mercy is the traitor I guess. But how is blood of Eden connected to the ninth house and the body?

Why is Mercy awake on the mithraeum and not in the River anyways?

Gideon.... And the commander were in cahoots? So did A. L. and Anastasia an the body and the commander all have the same eyes?????

What the fuck is going on indeed.

Cytherea seems to have had a plan B for getting revenge on the Emperor. Or something had a plan B with her corpse as the main weapon.

If guns are so effective against people why aren't they still used.

The messages are from the commander. I.e. Gideon's mother. I.e. Anastasia? We never explicitly did learn how she met her end no? Gideon was convinced that Anastasia had taken the baby. It just seems incongruous how the Emperor spent like 80 years on the Erebos and the Lyctors were faffing about - meanwhile there was this drama going on in the last half century?

I love Abigail Pent. Love that I got to see more of her.

I'd honestly forgot that Judith was alive by the end of all of that shit

The sleeper is -the sleeper is Gideon's mother. Also. She's haunted by her mother. SOMEHOW. what the fuck? They couldn't drag her spirit back from the river they said!

'you wizards never learn' there's a whole modern regular sci fi world and culture out there! Or maybe it's just a. L.

Is it? Or is it Anastasia? Or is it the commander? Or are they the same thing?

The sleeper wants Harrow's body. Somehow invaded it - probably from the river? - which means its Anastasia or the commander. Which means that whatevers possessing Cytherea is someone else.

In retrospect - Harrow's coldness to Ianthe talking about - to what her - seemed nonsense at the time - in the very first part - doesn't quite fit.

Oh my fucking GOD Gideon is fighting Ianthe for messing around with her fucking girlfriend - who is HARROW, who actually, Ianthe wants to marry.

They just went from ramping up to a serious fight to Gideon dropping Corona's name and suddenly they're like - ah we got more important priorities actually.

Augustine's first thought at thinking a.l./the body (?) is in Harrow is John - and the Second is Joy!(mercy?)

'How I was gonna have to take showers with all your clothes on.' fuckin Gideon hahahaha

Wonder if Ianthe truly believes what she's saying - that Harrow was trying to rid hersel of Gideon. It's preposterous. It's just hurtful talk.

GIDEON REALLY THOUGHT THAT LOOK TO MEAN THAT HARROW DIDNT LOVE HER??? THIS IS A CONSTANT BARRAGE OF ALL THE ANGSTY DRAMATIC SHIT IVE BEEN YEARNING FOR

Oh my fucking god Gideon calling Ianthe out for being in love with Harrow in the most iconic way ufsojdjdodnd 'she wants the D - the D stands for dead'

Crazy brain-mutilated Harrow sure made it seem that way I can tell ya that!!

Hahahahahaha Ianthe remembering Harrows prudish Ortus/Cytherea shit. Amazing

Aw Gideon really went and fell right into the cavalier/bone mistress shit huh. And trying to shield Harrow - well as noted before - very necessary because harrow has been having a godawful miserable time - mostly because of herself.

Gideon appreciating Ianthe's pun xD

Love how neither of them position themselves as the love of Harrows life but instead as inexorably attached to her by the sheer role they play in her life - they don't dare aspire to what they think they can't get.

Muir realises this is gonna end up as a Gideon/Harrow(/theBody)/Ianthe ship right?

Oh WOW THIS IS AMAZING. nonius the legendary nonius!!! Come to protect Harrow!!!

For some reason the Sleeper can manipulate the rules of this River bubble and doesn't seem surprised about it

If all her cavaliers were this excited for death, she was definitely the problem.lololol. somehow Harrow, you inspired undying loyalty in even a person that you treated abominably

Yeah Harrow you slowpoke. If the Sleeper can adjust the rules - so can you

If the sleeper was not Harrow's invention - but planted itself - then they're very lucky it got to the ghosts that weren't actually there - first.

So it was the commander....a portrait in a shuttle of blood of eden - can only be the commander. And redhaired? There are too many red haired people in this book!!

It's nice how all these ghosts got to have lasting impact from beyond the grave

NONIUS KNEW ORTUS/GIDEON?

Ok so ....there's the bed of the River with stoma. But there might also be the other side.

Did Harrow really not account for steps beyond her plan to mutilate her brain?

Is this book really gonna go: fuck you Gideon will die anyway ?????

But.wait. the sleeper had a two-hander. Where did that go???

I don't get it. If they go into the river - won't they also go insane?

SO NYAH!!!!!???

Ok but - what? The Commander ALSO -somehow - took over Cytherea's body?

'did the ten billion give you that too' I KNEW CANAAN HOUSE HELD EVEN GRUESOMER EXPERIMENTS AND SACRIFICES THAN LYCTORHOOD. God is made of ten billion souls. I think they killed humanity on earth to spare it 'slow inexorable apocalypse' and used the power to make the Empire from the resurrected. There was an extremely vague implication by Teacher to the amount of souls violated in Canaan house in the first book.

So God knows the commander went for the ninth house? Firstly, how. I don't understand how Anastasia fits in here!!! It would explain though how the commander

So the commander found the ninth house - and she died right? They tried to call her spirit but couldn't. But she became a revenant?

Ah. God THREW the bomb.

A fuckin wake me up inside joke jskdjskdnd

So Mercy and Augustine ( not Gideon ?) had all turned against God? And they were working with the commander to -... Make a baby????? And then evacuate the houses???? (For when God dies - there being a risk that Dominicus would go out I guess)

Make a baby/body to lever the one who lies in the tomb into....?

Love how the book foreshadowed Mercy and Augustine manipulating and lying to God - and turns out they did that on much bigger scale

They....meant to kill the baby to break the blood ward?

'The woman who I was pretty sure was my mother, wearing the body of the woman I'd had a crush on, who in turn had been wearing the identity of a woman she'd murdered -' KSNFKDJDKFJJFC

So why did they want this consistently characterised as kindly and humane god dead?

GIDEON THOUGHT IT WAS HIS!!!! But he called Wake Anastasia then????

They really are the same???

Oh my god I know what they're gonna say. Gideon is the daughter of God. WHICH HARROWS FUCKIN ROYALTY AU FEVER RIVER DREAM FUCKING FORESHADOWED HAAHAHAHAHHAA

Isn't it fucking ironic that God told Harrow that - HE WANTED HER TO BE HIS??? WHILE GIDEON HIS ACTUAL DAUGHTER WAS SPINNING INSIDE HER CHEST LIKE A LITTLE NUCLEAR FUSION REACTOR

They've been trying to kill him for more than 500 years???? Did mercymorn actually genuinely learn the extremely fine knowledge of the body for THIS purpose? How many thousands of years ago did they decide to kill god?

A fucking DAD JOKE

GIDEON REMEMBERING HOW SHE USED TO TELL HARROW HOW HER OTHER PARENT MIGHT BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD SO STOP PICKING ON HER

I am fucking DELIGHTED I AM SO GODDAMN OVERJOYED

It segues into a reminder of how shit their childhoods were and how their suffering had them lash out at each other endlessly and how it made Harrow suicidal and shit though - which is great

ALECTO'S EYES. THE A. FOR A. L.

A. L. The cavalier of God....but she walked. She had a body.

Ohhhhh. That's why they betrayed him. That age-old hurt. Ten thousand years old but still the bane of their existence, the seed of their madnesses. The loss of their cavaliers. Oh how did they manage to keep that from him?

I honestly thought - is Mercy saying she knows he killed humanity? But that's not what she couldn't have forgiven?

But why did he hide it? Why did he hide the perfect way? ('it would be easier' why???)

Ah. Yes. The expansion, why would the Emperor do that?

Uhhhhh. Couldn't Mercy have done that all along??????????????????????? Couldn't Mercy have killed God all along? That was both a trick and utterly sincere.

Augustine and Mercy were trying to do the right thing..... Mercy.... :'( Augustine was right. God is much less sentimental than he seems.

'im not even mad that you failed to either fix or put down Harrow' hm guess the constant kill quest HAD come from God after all. What a goddamn bitch of a man

What was the original plan? Unleash a. L. ? And then what? How would that help with the whole Dominicus going out problem?

Had God ever really thought to make up for all the bullshit he put his Lyctors through. He seems so affable and human but he's caused so much suffering. He's as good at manipulation at them - better!

The resurrection beast can't kill him, but he let his Lyctors die to them one by one anyway. So why??

Why are they punching each other in the River? They can use theorems right? God could blast Augustine to pieces same he did mercy?

Yes! It's true! Pyrrha and Gideon both exist in the same body - foreshadowed by his cavaliers build. There was something so fishy about it.

I love how Gideon has exactly the same response as me: what the fuck. Pyrrha??? Gideon??? What the fuck??? Why did they BOTH have an affair with their enemy??? So ok. Pyrrha stayed underground from Everybody for the thousand years. SOMEHOW their compartmentalisation let her pop up in his body regularly and not just when Gideon remembered her - because the hadn't fucked up his brain. But then how did THEY do that.

This absolutely galactic balsiness

The stoma thinks John is a resurrection beast. Might it be.....because he's..... A revenant. A 10 billion souled kinda- revenant ? A bit like.....Harrow is? Which is why he felt kin to her? Which is why he compared her creation to Resurrection?????I've really gotta reread those messages from commander wake.

A fucking jail for mother meme. Jail for one thousand years. Gideon how do you know this one????

I KNEW Ianthe would do that. Knew it. She doesn't want the system to die. Coronabeth is still out there. Well guess what - she's on the opposite side babe. Ok I realised that Gideon's mum apparently stuck to Gideon and then the sword? But also did Harrow manage to break the blood ward because of of her proximity to Gideon? Did Harrow uhhhh get put into a pocket in the river? But the emperor wasn't murdered!!! Fuckin chapters kept lying. They're on a hold planet. Finally - we meet the people. Alecto and Camilla and Corona? And Judith.? Did Alecto somehow do a time twisty around to come save Gideon at that moment in the river? Once again nothing much more is clear.

#my stuff #harrow the ninth #gtn #ninth

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rotzaprachim · 4 years

Note

One song into ur playlist and it already slaps i love it 💘💘💘

OMG thank you so much! the band recorded an english version of the song (later on the list) but i totally think it’s worth looking at the arabic lyrics here, (If i die a hundred times i will come back a hundred times!) (I have an army like me, we cling to each other and rebel!) Mashrou’ Leila is also such a cool Lebanese indie arab band, they’ve been really pro-LGBT (and have LGBT members I’m fairly sure) and i totally rec listening to the tiny desk concert here

Anyway thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed it and thank you for leaving me a message, I’m happy to scream about every song on that list!

#music

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hey-hamlet · 6 years

Text

BNHA AU Ideas : All Traitors

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: Who is the UA traitor? Trick question, its all of 1A, Aizawa, Present Mic and All Might!

Its also a mess.

All Traitors AU

Who is the traitor in UA? Trick question, its everyone.

every member of 1A

plus mic and aizawa

everyone thinks they are the only traitor and all for one (afo) is having the time of his life

just popping popcorn like "yess,,,, my children,,, "

kirishima: “bakugou,,,,i have something 2 confess,,,i’m the traitor,,,i couldn’t keep it from u any longer”

bakugou: “,,,”

the villains attack under orders not to hurt the traitor so every battle is just play fighting

bakugo in a slap fight with kurogiri

dabi and todoroki are actually duking it out because they’re the most invalid siblings-

nomu and izuku are just having fun

kami has popcorn on a stick trying to pop it on the fire

nomu is like abig dog and it only likes izuku

it getts realy territorial when other people even look at izuku

shigiraki: izuku what are you doing

izuku, hugging the nomu: hes big and warm and a very nice boy

shigaraki having war flashbacks to the time he found the nomu playin g fetch with father: “no that thing is a demon”

eventually the whole class realises they are all traitors n just have loads of fun with it

aizawa and mic are their gay villain dads too thanks

mic, on voice call with every member of 1a and aizawa during a meeting: “there’s,,,,a traitor in ua,,,,”

aizawa ugly snorts

nezu raises an eyebrow

aizawa, sweating: "my kids are too dumb to be traitors,,"

mic, quietly: "you got that right"

the villains sneak into ua with the most ridiculous costumes

shigaraki just shows up to say hello to izuku in like a hoodie and a fake mustache

izuku, pretending to swoon: "oh no!!! a villain!!! im very scared!!"

nedzu: “we had a security breach this morning. shigaraki tomura was sighted on school grounds”

aizawa, sweating: “ur a fool and a coward shigaraki doesn’t have facial hair”

nezu, who does not care abot the lives of humans: “fair enough”

vlad king: “aizawa ur class is full of villain magnets !!! they’re going to get us all killed!!”

aizawa: *insert ‘then perish’ meme*

kami is a lot smarter than he pretends to be but hes still a massive meme lord

1A begs to kill monoma cause hes so annoying

"please aizawa just him im beggging u"

they hear that one girl talking shit abt izuku and it’s just

“aizawa pls no one will miss them they mean n o t h i n g”

all might has been a villain the whole time

One for all (ofa) never rebelled

ofa's job is to take out other villain organisations n keep everything running smoothly

afo's actual goal is mostly just quirk decriminalization and the removal of a government run commercial hero industry

he wants to stay shadow ruler of japan but its no big deal honestly

so each ofa wielder gets to pick their successor to take their place as afo's public face

they have a class pet, it’s a rabbit

the rabbit was a gift from afo, its has a strength quirk and an imortallity quirk

he gives immortality quirks to the whole ass class because eternal little demons

izuku just laying in bed because he said “thanks you too” to the waiter who served him at mcdonald’s and he wants to sleep until everyone who witnessed it is dead

bakugo just storming into the room "ive seen you do so much dumb shit and you arent outliving me, so get the fuck up"

immortal gay dads aizawa and mic

aizawa just groaning "mic please its going to take 200 years for these kids to become adults, its not too late to kill me"

immmortal eri and koda

just these two little kids following izuku around like ducklings also thanks

“izuku said it was m y turn to walk the nomu >:((((“

team dads AFO and allmight

izuku is afo's favourite

bakugou in tears: “gee izuku,,,how come your our dads’ favourite:((“

“bc im not a piece of shit kacchan fuck u”

afo and allmight being really good friends thanks

nana was "killed" by afo (she died of old age happy w friends)

that whole fight afo is trying so hard not to laugh as all might spews ketchup onto him on national tv

the "rescue attempt" was something magne and spinner thought would be funny, afo and allmight dad-ing up, reminding the kids to be careful as they stage an illegal rescue attempt

the rescue squad use it as a way to strengthen their quirks

magne being a good big sis thank you

bakugou is magne’s favourite

compress n tokoyami are best buds, compress calls him his lil bro

no one likes moonfish

they arent allowed to murder until they can drink

if you cant legally create life, you can’t take it away" "dadmight thats gross" "tough shit"

bkg turns 18 first

his birthday is just gonna be a murder party huh

izuku gives him a drugged pro hero for his birthday in a box

"happy birthday kacchan! i got you backdraft!"

bakugo, crying: "this is the best gift youve ever given me,,,"

also joint bakugo/izuku present to todoroki on his birthday is just endeavour. he not even drugged he’s just hog tied on the floor

dabi just asking him to wait so he can grab some snacks

double agent hawks content

hawks aligning himself with the villains bc he’s been pushed by society to be a hero since day one and this is the only thing he feels he has a choice in

izuku looking at him like "opposite but same"

hawks would murder for izuku

nighteye villain!!!

they never lost contact, it was all staged

nighteye is a good weird uncle that gives the best Christmas presents

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puroresu-musings · 5 years

Photo

PWG BATTLE OF LOS ANGELES 2019 Final Stage DVD Review (Sept 22nd, The Globe Theater in Los Angeles, CA.)

Battle of Los Angeles Quarter Finals Match Dragon Lee vs. Jake Atlas ****1/4

Battle of Los Angeles Quarter Finals Match Bandido vs. Brody King ***

Battle of Los Angeles Quarter Finals Match Jonathan Gresham vs. A-Kid ****

Battle of Los Angeles Quarter Finals Match Joey Janela vs. Rey Fenix ***1/4+

Battle of Los Angeles Quarter Finals Match Darby Allin vs. Penta El Zero M ***1/2

Battle of Los Angeles Quarter Finals Match David Starr vs. Jeff Cobb ***1/2

Dark Order (Evil Uno & Stu Grayson) vs. Rey Horus & Aramis ***1/4

Battle of Los Angeles Semi Finals Match Jonathan Gresham vs. Joey Janela ***

Battle of Los Angeles Semi Finals Match Bandido vs. Dragon Lee ****1/2

Battle of Los Angeles Semi Finals Match David Starr vs. Darby Allin **3/4

Team Ugg (Caveman Ugg, Orange Cassidy, Jungle Boy, Artemis Spencer and Paris DeSilva) vs. Team Taurus (Black Taurus, Mick Moretti, Lucky Kid, Tony Deppen and Kyle Fletcher) ***3/4

Battle of Los Angeles Finals Match Bandido vs. David Starr vs. Jonathan Gresham ****

Photos.

It’s that time of the year again; Pro Wrestlig Guerrilla’s annual BOLA tournament. I’d be lying if I said this years line-up filled me with much enthusiasm (beyond living legend Daisuke Sekimoto’s inclusion, of course), but I’d heard this final day was worth checking out, and it certaintly didn’t disappoint. It featured a bunch on great matches, countless madman moves, and if you were playing a drinking game in which you were to take a shot every time someone slapped their thigh, you’d be in an alcohol induced coma by the midway point. PWG is a promotion I’ve sort of fallen out with in the last couple of years. Every now and then they’d have an occasional show that I’d really like (last years BOLA was mostly great), but generally, the roster since mid 2017 hasn’t sparked my enthusiasm, and their shows have just been average more often than not. Well I’m pleased to say this was a return to form of sorts.

Action kicked off with a bang with Dragon Lee’s fantastic, all-action victory of Jake Atlas, which left a lot to follow. Lee had the two best matches on the show here, and I hope wherever he ends up post CMLL split, that he’s featured at the top of the card. Atlas held his own here too, it must be said, though Lee was obviously the standout. There was a crazy sequence where Lee hit a Hurricarana out of the ring, and Atlas took out the front row, and another, straight out of the Hiromu feud, where they traded 8 straight German Suplex’s, then traded reverse rana’s, before Lee hit a running knee strike for a near fall, dropped the knee pad and hit another to advance in 10:55. Bandido’s win over the massive Brody King was good, but couldn’t follow that, and they decided to do a “Lucha” match, which was both impressive, given King’s size, and terribly messy at times. Bandido won with the 21 Plex in 10:40. The Octopus Jonathan Gresham’s win over Spain’s A-Kid was an excellent contest that started off as a compelling technical outing, then broke down into a heated hard-hitter, and was the most “real” looking fight on the entire card. Gresham worked over Kid’s leg all match, and won via ref stoppage after repeatedly stomping on it, and driving the knee into the mat at the 18:03 mark. This was great.

Joey Janela surprisingly advanced over Fenix in another good match. However, at 15:58, this was much too long, and had it gone 10 minutes, probably would have been much better. Fenix was roughly a hundred times better than Janela in this, but The Bad Boy got the upset after turning Fenix’s mask around, thus ‘blinding’ him, and hitting a super kick for the three. Darby Allin and (the sometimes) Pentagon Jr had a very good outing next which told a compelling story, and featured even better selling by Penta, after Allin bashed his knee with a chair in the early stages. The masked man pulled a tremendous sell-job, needing help getting his leg over the ropes whenever he tried to enter the ring. Of course, they fucked it by doing a piledriver and Canadian Destroyer off a ladder, neither of which were the finish, and Darby just popped up from them, hit some moves and won with a figure four cradle at 16:24. Had it had a different finishing stretch, this too would have great, but alas, they had to epitomise everything that frustrates me about indy wrestling nowadays. David Starr and Jeff Cobb had a very different bout next, it was a fun wrestling match which saw Starr pull off the upset by defeating last years winner, and current PWG World Champ, Cobb after nailing him with a belt shot behind ref Aubrey Edwards back (which would later play into Starr’s semi final bout), then hitting a massive Lariat to advance in 11:15. Post intermission, the former Super Smash Bros., now Dark Order defeated the Lucha tandem of Rey Horus and youngster Aramis. This was another good match-up, but I wasn’t too invested in this. Dark Order won after hitting their cool Fatality finish on Aramis at 14:48.

BOLA semi final action commenced with Gresham making short work (8:30) of Joey Janela, in a fun little sprint (which did needlessly feature Gresham kicking at one form a Package Piledriver). Apparently, Janela has won all his tourney matches with a super kick, but Gresham kicked out here, which threw the Bad Boy, resulting in him ‘losing it’ and throwing a bunch of chairs into the ring, which he was Germaned onto. The Octopus locked on the Manjigatame for the submission win. Dragon Lee and Bandido had the match of the night next. This was something of a dream match, and whilst it was a wild 12 minute all-actioner, I can’t help but wish they went maybe 5 minutes longer here. Regardless of this, the match was still excellent stuff indeed, and we know what to expect here; Lee hit a tope suicida maybe 4 rows deep, and Bandido hit an Orihara moonsault that literally grazed the balcony. They went full-speed, hit all of their signature spots, before Dragon Lee no-sold a top rope Moonsault Powerslam, and scored a near fall with a devastating top rope Desnucadora. Bandido countered a Powerbomb into a Destroyer, then hit the 21 Plex, but rolled through into a Deadlift German for the win. The crowd showered the ring in dollars in the post-match, whilst Bandido got them to chant “Please Come Back” at Lee. And in the third semi final, David Starr was victorious of Darby Allin in the weakest, and shortest, match on the show. The main story here was Starr trying to bully and intimidate referee Aubrey Edwards, pushing her around, before she finally shoved him to the mat to a huge pop, all the while Darby just... lay around. As Allin made a comeback, Starr caught a Coffin Drop into a Powerbomb backbreaker, then got the win at 5:39 with another big Lariat.

The prerequisite ridiculous BOLA 10 man of first round losers followed, and it was just as preposterous as previous years, if probably a little more entertaining. This started as just a comedy outing, but turned into a highspot fest. Team captains Ugg and Taurus’ exchange was the highlight here, as both powerhouses bealed their teammates into one another in order to bring the other down, but to no avail. There was all kinds of crazy shit here; everyone hit a big dive, Cassidy did a nonchalant balcony dive, Moretti was nearly killed in a terrifying reverse rana Tower Of Doom spot, the massive Ugg followed that up with a Phoenix Splash (!!!), the dinky Paris DeSilva hit a Shooting Star DDT (!!!), then Cassidy pinned Tony Deppen with a cradle at 25:49 to win for his team. Yes, it was silly, yes, it was overly long, but it was a ton of fun. And finally, Jonathan Gresham, Bandido, and David Starr faced off in the elimination 3-way 2019 BOLA Finals. As a triple threat, this was great stuff, they got so much out of a figure four, it was unbelievable. Starr was first eliminated after Gresham locked him in Manjigatame and started raining down hammer fists, which prompted referee Rick Knox to call for the bell for a ref stoppage elimination. This boiled down to Gresham and Bandido, and they had a nice back-and-forth, which saw The Octopus kick out of a 21 Plex. He then once again locked in the Manjigatame and started hitting the hammer fists, and Knox again teased the stoppage to great drama, but Bandido powered out with a Samoan Drop. The masked man then took Gresham up top and hit a reverse version of his Moonsault Powerslam, and hit the tournament winning 21 Plex to claim to trophy at the 23:26 mark. Bandido celebrated with his father and brother, and Dragon Lee in the post match, and promised to beat Jeff Cobb for the title in the future.

PWG is in a strange impasse at the minute; most of their key talent has been swallowed up by either AEW or NXT, and I don’t see either of their top guys, Bandido and Jeff Cobb, not being snatched up when eithers contracts with ROH are up, and where PWG goes then is anyone’s guess. I certaintly don’t see them knocking out shows of the same quality of years gone by. Of course, there’s always a chance they become a kind of unofficial developmental league for AEW. However, despite this potential black cloud, the Cali rebels produced a great show here. It was 3 and a half hours, but never dragged, and featured nothing that could be seen as less than good, and a whole bunch of great (though nothing could touch last years final, in my opinion). Also, I can’t review a BOLA without going on my annual production rant, but for God sake guys, it is 2019. Surely we’ve advanced beyond these shows being filmed on a single hardcam, and a lone handheld around ringside. It’s so RF Video circa 2002, its ridiculous. Especially when promotions such as AAW look great nowadays. Please sort the presentation of these DVD’s out. Thanks.

NDT

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rfschatten · 4 years

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COVID-19 & the Rise of Prairie Populism

“By Failing to Prepare, you are Preparing to Fail” ~~~ Benjamin Franklin

We have arrived at the most critical moral point of this Pandemic Crisis. Where the Economy and the Health Crisis are beginning to collide with each other.

Yes, something has to be done to keep the economy running …the little businesses are suffering the most, and do have a good legitimate reason to re-open. Wall Street & Corporate America wants it open for their own greedy reasons. And Donald Trump desperately wants to open up, the most! His re-election hangs on his chance of a good economy …cause if he loses, they’re going to take him and “lock him up”!

On the other side of this moral dilemma, you have thousands that soon will be in the hundreds of thousands of Deaths, and Millions who eventually may easily become hundreds of million Infected by COVID-19.

One side wants to keep enforcing CDC Protocol cause they value human life and will observe all protocols till it’s over. On the other side, almost everyone values human life, too …but financial stress, and different situations are forcing some to look at things a little differently. Things not normally thought about. How many deaths are “acceptable” for the country, that they can get back to work?

For a while Trump & Pence have been saying; Soon, we all have to make some tough decisions on life and death. Chris Christie publicly said; 3,000 Deaths/Day is acceptable collateral damage to keep the Economy running. The Federal Government wants the economy to succeed at all costs, and to overshadow the Pandemic, …cause that’s Trump’s eminent Waterloo.

And for the economy to succeed, the US Gov’t prefers to accept the notion of acceptable “collateral damage” …like in a Nuclear Attack? That’s Trump’s Capitalism!

We, the People are just a “commodity” in a Trump Economy post-COVID019.

An Administration that intents to phase down the Medical portion of their Pandemic policies and begin the Economic Recovery phase, as soon as possible …while people are still dying daily by the thousands…is simply committing Public Policy Genocide. As Yale Epidemiologist Gregg Gonsalves said; “What else do you call mass deaths by public policy”?

The Federal Government pretty much is saying; Americans can be sacrificed in order for the economy to grow.

The problem this stable genius can’t understand is; the Millions infected, and pretty soon the hundreds of Millions are not going out anywhere for a while, or on any type of shopping spree! …not until this Virus is taken care of and stopped, the Nation is not going to economically recover!

The value of Human Life? or the value of the US Dollar? That’s the moral of the story of what 2020 is all about!

Donald Trump wants to own the moment, he wants to be the almighty superhero who saved America from a catastrophic global pandemic. When he, and he alone knows how to stop the viral infection …and all his followers, will eventually follow him straight off the cliff!

Why are Batshit Trumpers considered America’s Village Idiots?

In a recent poll, 90% of Republicans trust Trump for COVID-19 information rather than the CDC & all Medical Professionals!

When you believe a man who publicly has made more than 18,000+ lies in 3 years, over Medical professionals …yes! you will die! But, not for your country or not for your family, but for someone who only cares ‘if’ you live, for your vote in November.

The Donald’s biggest problem? He never expected anything like this to occur, a crisis that transcends politics and transcends his life of lies. A crisis where he really does have to become and act presidential, be a true leader & show some leadership …but, he’s clueless on how to lead…and no one cares about his rhetorical bullshit anymore. He knows he’s out of his league, out of his element …he’s like a fish out of water …everything is way over his head, and he just doesn’t know how to handle it.

REALITY just bitch slapped the TV Reality Superstar. Let me introduce myself…hope you guess my name!

At a time when the country might forgive him, even just a little, and give him his just due if he only just comes out honest and truthful with the population …his demented mind pushes harder to make people hate him even more!

Trying to intimidate Governors and civic leaders with his quid pro quo’s…you do this for me and we’ll give you what you need. Intimidating everyone into opening the Nation up for business ASAP, to quickly recover the economy so he can get re-elected.

Making the States suffer without supplying the needed equipment or the needed Tests, and only giving them the bare minimum unless they all kiss his big, not so lovely tush.

But, nothing’s worse than the most disgusting thing our Gov’t has ever done to any of the States during a state of emergency. Making States go into a bidding war …in the middle of a pandemic! …for supplies against other States, Foreign Governments, Corporations, and even the U.S. Government, itself?!?!

The States are literally on their own… a Federal Government that says; “I take no responsibility whatsoever”. A Federal Government that says; We won’t lead you, we’ll just back you up.

2 Governors, a Democrat, and a Republican secretly ordered and sent planes to pick-up their desperately needed Medical Supplies from China. Secretly, because they’re both afraid of Trump confiscating it, and taking it to boost their own National Stockpile Supply.

The V.A. bought 5 million masks for Veterans and VA Hospitals across the country. FEMA confiscated it all and took it to boost Trump’s National Stockpile. Meanwhile, people are continuously dying and no one’s getting the needed masks!

The plane trips were secretly kept. But Larry Hogan, the GOP Governor of Maryland, went one up to secure the needed (500,000) Test Kits, and has them secretly stashed away and guarded by the “National Guard” & the “Maryland State Police” so the Feds don’t take them away!

You can’t make up shit like this, folks!

Now, he won’t give sanctuary Cities the emergency funding they desperately need, unless they remove the sanctuary status and permit ICE to round-up “Illegal” Immigrants.

When has any State or anyone ever gone through such cruel extreme measures? When has the American Government ever treated its Citizens with so much disdain and disrespect? And even worse, during such catastrophic times of health & human crisis?

He’s been working on plans to keep everything open since the Virus arrived when advised of the possibility of states and cities closing down.

For 70 days he jerked the Nation around trying to make believe the Virus was a hoax, all to keep his economy from collapsing.

Opening the country up is against his own official White House Policy! Against the advice of the CDC! the advice of Dr. Fauci, Dr. Redfield, Dr. Birx, & Doctors everywhere!

His obsession with irresponsibly pushing a Malaria drug for this Viral infection …against the recommendation of all Medical Professionals. Though it’s not hard to see why he’s pushing it like if he was the star spokesman for the company. Wonder how much money, stock, or what kind of deal Trump/Kushner Inc. has invested in the maker of Hydroxychloroquine …Mylan Pharmaceutical?

Now, he’s gone off his rocker once again…only this time it veers into the extreme far side of the bizarre! His latest push? Injecting yourself with disinfectants, including bleach!

Also, Injecting yourself with a tiny UV light that will miraculously kill the Virus in your bloodstream …I suppose if you believe that crock of horseshit! You only inject yourself with disinfectants if you’re committing suicide …cause that’s what will happen!

And he still considers himself a stable genius?

The next day, he tried to push it back, saying he was just kidding with the press …when a replay of the press conference showed him directing his spiel directly at Dr. Birx.

Nothing has gone right since he was sworn in. The Russians hacking the elections, the Ukraine scandal, all his women scandals, all his daily scandals, all the embarrassments throughout the world, all the fiasco that occurs no matter where he goes or what he does …and naturally, his Impeachment for life!

Now, a massive gigantic screw-up of devastating proportions that might very well end his presidency. Yes, his natural stupidity can be a factor …but this professional Puppet appears to be on the loose & on his own …and that, really is dangerous.

What are his motives?

His top priority …opening up the country and build up the economy at “all cost”, over a deadly Viral infection that can potentially kill in the millions. His priority is the Economy …no matter how many people die. It’s not his concern as he keeps saying; “I am not responsible at all”. Who cares how many people die? …not this President!

Telling people to Free their States and gather in mass which would immediately triple the population of Positive Tests …he keeps misrepresenting the truth. telling people he’s doing a ‘tremendous job’ and while keeping the virus down to only 30,000 deaths, then to 50,000, now that’s he’s doing such a good job, he’s going to contain the virus down to only 100,000 deaths.

A typical Trump trait…brag how stupid he is to the only people who will believe his horseshit. Now, by getting his minions to protest their Constitutional rights of not wearing any protective gear, the real Professionals are talking about the real possibility of hundreds of millions testing positive and millions dying.

He started a Prairie Fire telling his 2nd Amendment followers for an armed uprising over their States …calling for a rebellion against a State Government is sedition, and for the President to suggests people to rebel, that’s “Treason”!

While all along purposely lying, misleading, or delaying all the millions of test kits, which is the Federal Government’s total responsibility of distributing!

Donald Trump doesn’t want any more Test Kits! …he doesn’t want the public to see how many more people are infected! It’s not conducive to his top & only priorities …making money and getting re-elected.

Gloria Steinham once said; “The Truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off”.

The reason Trump’s having more and more meltdowns during this Pandemic is that he’s continuously pissed off …no one believes his lies anymore …and he knows it.

The Truth hurts when you know and you’re forced to privately admit, you really are a nobody! …when your emotional and delusional bubble of illusions burst and you’re faced with the reality of life.

That’s when Trump realized he really does own the moment…lock, stock, & barrel!

And there’s no way out …he can remain in self-denial, but whether he likes it or not, he’s totally responsible for all the Positive Viral Cases and totally responsible for all the Deaths.

He can’t blame it on anybody this time, though Obama is always his usual target for one thing or another …it’s all happened in the 3 yrs of his Presidency..during his watch!

Hey, Donald! You wanted to be President? You got it! It’s your job, now go out and work for the first time in your life and do it right, or in November …’ you’ will be Fired!

The first Human Coronavirus was discovered in the 1960s …more recently, the 2002–2004 SARS Pandemic outbreak & 2012 MERS Pandemic, raged havoc.

Medical Scientists and Epidemiologists from the US had been closely working together with their Chinese counterparts in China for a long time (till Trump removed them in 2020) They’ve been tracking a new strain until they finally traced it to Wuhan 3 years later.

How bad would this Pandemic have been if a prepared Nation would’ve been notified since 2016?

It happened on his watch …and he knew about it the whole damn time!

He was warned more than a couple dozen times since 2016. First, during the transition period in 2016. the Pandemic policies from the Obama Administration, including supplies and preparedness guidelines were explained and passed on to the Trump Administration. They were told that a new little known strain of Coronavirus, totally different from the last two, was out there …but they haven’t traced it to anywhere, yet!

In 2018 he was warned at least twice, that’s when he fired the White House Pandemic Team. He was warned again over a dozen times in 2019.

1. Why would he fire medical experts on Pandemics with a Global Pandemic outbreak about to explode in the United States?

2. And now that it’s here, and knowing the gravity of the situation …why fire Dr. Rick Bright, the man who was on the development end of the COVID-19 Vaccine, right in his tracks? …while 82,000+ die and over 1.4 Million identified, out of all the unidentified hundreds of millions that are getting Infected daily?

3. Why did he warn Israel of the incoming Pandemic in November of 2019? yet, didn’t warn the American Public till 70 days after he was warned again by the CDC on Jan. 3rd, 2020, confirming the imminent arrival of COVID-19? The CDC officially warned the American public on Jan. 8th, 2020.

4. Why did the Administration’s Health & Human Services turn down an offer on Jan. 22nd…the day after the 1st US Coronavirus case was identified…from Texas’ Prestige Ameritech, the largest surgical face mask producer in the United States…to manufacture 1.7 Million N95 Masks per week?

Why is Donald Trump deliberately doing all of this? Does he really believe his own stable genius BS? Is it all his natural incompetence? This man may be a degenerate psychopathic screaming narcissist …but someone is pulling this puppet’s strings!

When you have a blatant lifelong coward who never takes responsibility for any of his actions, his failures, or his blunders …you’re going to see a lot of Psychological Projection …blame anybody or everybody for everything he ever does. No one in History can psychologically project any better than Bonespurs Donny!

And no one has had more conspiracy theories about everything imaginable in just 3 years, than this faker. His latest blame game? He blames China for developing a man-made Virus in their labs, which has been debunked by our own intelligence agencies, the CDC, WHO, as well as the medical professionals in his Task Force, and experts around the world.

He’s also blaming the World Health Organization for not warning him early enough …I guess 2016, 2018, 2019, & 2020 is not early enough!

All these Red State Governors are more interested in making a fast buck than the health of their constituents…they’re opening up their States to everything, as more and more people start ignoring rules and trying to go back to the old normal. Revolt against authority for the right to” go back to work”.

So far, a few are opening but the smell of spring air, the lure of the heat, and hoping for a nice summer breeze is too fascinating to pass up, causing all these people to congregate in the parks and the beaches, refusing to follow medical advice.

Take all these people, and add the ignorance of NeoNazis & gun-toting Batshit Trumpers…those that Trump calls “very good people”, just like the “Very Fine People” in Charlottesville.

They hear their beloved leader subliminally order them to go and cause havoc by “liberating” Michigan and other States …and off they go with no respect to whom they hurt or infect.

The latest projections on how many will die during the summer, now that Trump is allowing America (against all Medical advice & recommendations) to open up …an estimate of over 3,000 deaths daily through the summer with the infection rate in the hundreds of millions, assured. All for spending a day frolicking on the beach.

And now, when Trump’s beloved MAGA followers get pissed off and angry with cries for help as more and more get sick, and more and more start dying of COVID-19 ...what will he do?

How will Donald, who’s a man with absolutely zero empathy or compassion, an anti-altruistic human being, and a sociopath with a seriously severe “schadenfreude” complex …respond to these people?

You have his minions, those too stupid who’ll still follow him of that cliff, and you have those who’ll refuse to jump, turning on him, and try to stay alive! How will he respond? …how will he answer them without pissing off one side or the other?

When everyone else acts with dignity & respect …expect this fool to be his normal self. Pity his beloved supporters.

But just remember, all you good Trumpers; “I take no responsibility at all”!

So! America, wake up and smell the coffee! Stop living life in self-denial …and face the reality of COVID-19.

1st, STOP LISTENING to Politicos who have absolutely no experience, knowledge, or any idea whatsoever in Medicine to give you advise and updates …especially Trump, with his agenda of lies, misinformation, and misleading statements, all along while pushing a Malaria Drug that hasn’t been proven it works, although it’s proven that it kills. Also, all his Lysol, Clorox, and UV light cockamamie injections!

2nd, START LISTENING to the Medical Professionals and Medical Scientists, who know what they’re doing, people like Rick Bright, Anthony Fauci, Deborah Birx, and Bob Redfield!

The awful truth about COVID-19: Only 2.95% of our 350 million population has been tested …so, how many more than the current 1.4 million that tested positive are going to be “Positive” too? -

This bug is not going anywhere, anytime soon! It’s not going away for summer vacation, it’s not going to be gone with the wind, it’s not going to be here today and gone tomorrow, it’s not going to just be gone one day as the President tries to convince his base …and it’s not going to magically disappear one day, as Trump says; “It’s going to go away without a vaccine”!

COVID-19 is here to stay! It’s going to be our guest for a year or two, or more …remember, it will not ever be eradicated until a Vaccine is found!

Don’t fight the new normal, just go with the flow …the quicker We, the People use our natural intellect and do things right, the quicker we can get back to the old normal.

So! If you want to stay alive through 2020 and beyond? …Remember, November!

#Coronavirus #covid-19 #Donald Trump #Pandemic #2020 election #genocide #CDC #world health organisation coronavirus #coronavirus deaths #virus

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uniquecrash5 · 5 years

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So today - 02/02/2020 is Palindrome Day. The Weird Al song "Bob" (parodying Bob Dylan) is all palindromes and great fun:

youtube

But I ran across these two by Demetri Martin and have to share as well - first there's this one:

Dammit I'm mad. Evil is a deed as I live. God, am I reviled? I rise, my bed on a sun, I melt. To be not one man emanating is sad. I piss. Alas, it is so late. Who stops to help? Man, it is hot. I'm in it. I tell. I am not a devil. I level "Mad Dog". Ah, say burning is, as a deified gulp, In my halo of a mired rum tin. I erase many men. Oh, to be man, a sin. Is evil in a clam? In a trap? No. It is open. On it I was stuck. Rats peed on hope. Elsewhere dips a web. Be still if I fill its ebb. Ew, a spider… eh? We sleep. Oh no! Deep, stark cuts saw it in one position. Part animal, can I live? Sin is a name. Both, one… my names are in it. Murder? I'm a fool. A hymn I plug, deified as a sign in ruby ash, A Goddam level I lived at. On mail let it in. I'm it. Oh, sit in ample hot spots. Oh wet! A loss it is alas (sip). I'd assign it a name. Name not one bottle minus an ode by me: "Sir, I deliver. I'm a dog" Evil is a deed as I live. Dammit I'm mad.

And that's certainly impressive enough, but then there's this one,

Sexes. Eh, the sexes. Never even. Still, it’s DNA. Never awed, I spot a boob. O, wow! O, now two. Wow! OK. A still animal sits afoot: one vamp, a lap maven. O, timid loser, I sedate ye. Yes, live devil, as I tip it, it is. I tip it. I peep it. ‘Send a man a gross orgasm! I am, Ms, a crass, base dud.’

Ah, supple holes made me dire. Lame fate got old, a most ogled omen. O, did I tap a tit? A pat? I did. Boobs or pasties, a bosom . . . Mmm – Uh oh – Ahem, pal!’ Fast, I toss a tip. ‘Mr, ass?’: a warning. I sat ogled. O, men! O, me, to tame Tina!

To gits I’m all animal. ‘Sit now,’ I say, as I do. ‘Got it!’ A pull … up it now I peer … camise yonder I keep. I tip, I riff, or on one post untied, I ring. I say, ‘O boy! My, my, baby. Ticklish?’ Alas, a bossy baby. Ergo, nope. Yes, I rise. Yes. ‘Ah, can I flow on, Miss?’ I hit it. ‘Oh, madam!’ Stress all astir oft. ‘Ah, we’re too hot.’

Ah, we met a rebel god as animals. I won’t nod. I’ll act. Eyes open, I fall. It’s we few, dim, all ill. I’m in a man-made reverie, babe. Now on one pole: Stella! Ever I wonder, Miss, as I tip (also ten, if stiff). It’s o so still. A creep’s eyes peer. Call it so. So stiff, it’s fine to slap. It is ass.

I’m red now. I reveal, ‘Let’s elope!’ ‘No.’ Now one babe I revere. Damn! A man. I’m ill, ill amid we few still. A fine pose yet call I don’t. Now I slam in a sad ogle. ‘Berate me!’ ‘What?’ O, hoot. Ere? What for?

‘It’s all,’ asserts madam, ‘ho tit.’ I hiss, ‘I’m no wolf in a chase.’ Yes, I rise. Yep. O, no. Grey baby’s so basal. Ah, silk city baby, my, my. O boy, a sign! I ride it, nuts open. On or off, I rip it. I peek. Ired, no? Yes, I’m a creep. I won’t. I pull up a tit. ‘O God,’ I say, as I won’t. I slam, in all, a mist.

I got an item, a totem. One model got a sign in raw ass. Armpit. Ass. O, tits. A flap! Me! Ha, ho, hum. Mmm. O, so base. It’s a pro’s boob. Did I tap a tit? A pat? I did. One model got so mad. Lo, to get a female. ‘Ride me, damsel. O, help push a dude’s abs.’

Sarcasm maims a gross organ, a mad nest. I peep. I tip it. I sit. I tip. It is a live devil’s eye. Yet a desire’s old. I’m it: one vamp, a lap maven. O, too fast I slam. In all, it’s a K.O. Wow! Ow. Two now. Ow. O, boob, a topside war. Even and still it’s never even. Sexes. Eh, the sexes.

Holy shit.

Apparently, it's

"A poem about a lonely man in a strip club, who contemplates the age-old battle of the sexes when he becomes infatuated with two of the club’s dancers, Tina and Stella. As he watches the strippers, the bouncers watch him. Soon he begins to lose control of himself, proposing marriage to Stella and fondling two other dancers. At the same time, he starts to develop a gnawing sense of self-awareness, discovering that he, like the other men in the club, is as much a spectacle as the very strippers they are watching. Still, he cannot escape his own nature. And when he finally gets too intimate with one of the ladies, she wallops him with her boobs, turning his thoughts about the battle of the sexes into physical reality."

#Palindrome Day #palindromes #holy shit that's amazing

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cero-tia · 5 years

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LFRP - A’panghur Tia

Please come meet the Cero of an alternate timeline--the cat he would have been if Dalamud hadn’t fallen down and conked him on the noggin.

Full Name: A'panghur Tia

Gender and Sex: Male and about an 82 on the 1-100 Femme/Masc scale

Pronouns: He, him, his

Ethnicity/Species: Ala Mhigan Seeker Miqo'te, of the A tribe

Birthplace and Birthdate: 5th day of the 4th Umbral moon, the month of Rhalgr

Guilty Pleasures: Curling up nearly anywhere with a good book. Dancing, especially at dawn. Oranges. Herbal sachets with scents that remind him of home. Pressing flowers from foreign lands that he sends back to his sisters in the Peaks. Using his carbuncle to help him cheat in street scuffles.

Phobias: After a time, Panghur’s letters home stopped making it through, and he stopped receiving any. His memories of home are muddled with time, as he was only 9 when he left to come to Eorzea, but he recalls the threatening armored faces of the soldiers who were already starting to occupy Ala Mhigo. He is hyper aware of Garlean influence, appearance, names, etc in the people around him, and it puts him on edge to even think about them. Other than this totally rational leeriness about the people who subdued his own, he is unfortunately without much fear (although some would argue he hasn’t got the good sense to be afraid when he should be).

What They Would Be Famous For: Probably for saving whole cities again and again? Panghur is a Warrior of Light, and was present for at least some of the campaigns that the Scions instigated to counter the threat of primal uprisings. After the Calamity, he became a prominent figure in the adventuring circles, specifically in those pertaining to the freeing of Ala Mhigo. He was at the fall of Baelsar’s Wall, and was at the battle to see his homeland freed from oppression.

I may find more depth to his story as I experience it fresh while I am leveling him–so far it is a bit vague, and I know a great deal more about how Cero managed the post-Calamity Eorzea than I know how Pangur did. Expect updates!

What Have They / Would They Gotten Arrested For: Inciting a riot, spray painting pro-Resistance propaganda, dumb mischief (that he always talks himself out of), espionage, being a rebel in a time of oppression. Either extremely light, slap-on-the-wrist stuff, or extremely serious, bag-over-your-head-in-the-middle-of-the-night stuff.

OC(s) You Ship Them With: No OCs yet! He’s still building connections to the RP community.

OC Most Likely To Murder them: No OCs hate him that much yet, but I would love to find him a Garlean antagonist.

Favorite Book Genre: Panghur devours tomes of magical theory and practical application. He has a large library in his Ul'dah apartment of books he’s collected over the years. Prize among them are his hard-to-find and definitely illegal-to-own books on the forbidden Black magics.

Least Favorite Book Cliche: He doesn’t hate any books, but he just rolls his eyes at romantic bodice-busters and other hyperbolic brain rot prose. It doesn’t stop him from reading them, now and then.

Talents and/or Powers: Panghur is a canon Warrior of Light, and his Echo manifests as a canny ability to read faces and the occasional fit of visions.

He is also a powerful Archmage, having studied at the three major schools of magic from the time he was but nine summers old. His powers of summoning and thaumaturgy are explosive and cleverly wielded, but also have the calm, controlled experience of the balance of conjury to hone them. He favors his emerald carbuncle, Emeraulde, and is not above throwing rocks when all else fails.

Panghur is also, and has always been, cocksure and precocious. As a young child he was full to the brim of magical talent, and though he has tempered his boastful confidence somewhat upon maturing, he is still very smart, and knows it, and uses it to his advantage when it comes to outsmarting Garlean patrols or haggling down a used-book vendor in the markets.

Why Someone Might Love Them: He fights fiercely for his homeland. He loves his family and wants to make Ala Mhigo safe for them, and for everyone else’s family. He is clever and delights in making people laugh. He isn’t afraid to get down and dirty in a fight, especially if someone needs defending. He’s got a beautiful face, and the most charming freckles you ever did see over his golden desert-cat tan. If he loves you, he’ll make sure you know it every day.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: He feels passionately about the freedom of his homeland, and can be aggressive about his feelings if he feels he’s not being listened to or taken seriously (imagine Alexander Hamilton standing on a table demanding to know ‘where the ammunition’s at’). His confidence can come off as arrogant or boastful. He likes to be at the center of the action, and can appear bossy if he gets wrapped up in what’s going on. He studies (in secret) forbidden magic. He has used his carbuncles to table top people he feels need to be taken down a peg, more than once.

How They Change: When he began his journey to Eorzea, Panghur was a precocious child of 9, spouting off bursts of magic because he could, with little thought to finesse or control. In Limsa Lominsa, he learned how to summon, and how to make friends with dock rats and street urchins, and how to run around behind adults backs to have fun and get in trouble and explore.

In Gridania, he learned conjury, and the importance of balance, and healing, and slowing down to appreciate the small things, the quiet things, the weak and soft things. He learned how to temper his exuberance with meditation and inner-contemplation, and how to strategize.

In Ul'dah, he learned how to blow shit up. He learned a lot more about thaumaturgy than just that, but that was the big part. He learned how to sweet talk high-class movers and shakers, how to navigate the behind-the-scenes powers of the upper crust and the lowest street scum. He learned about the Resistance.

He’s rediscovering himself after waking up post-Calamity, with the world five years older and the war that much further progressed in his homeland. Now he has thrown himself into the fight to free Ala Mhigo, even as he struggles to find old friends and connections and works cheerfully to make new ones.

Why You Love Them: I first came up with Cero years and years before I started playing FFXIV, and I had to play with his backstory a lot to fit him into the lore of the game. What I came up with was a smarter, cleverer version of Cero that had suffered a traumatic brain injury that lead to amnesia, and once I had that concept, A'panghur began simmering quietly in the back of my head.

I’m just very excited to flesh him out and see what he leads to, because he’s the part of Cero that never forgot his family, or his own strength. He’s a different personality than I often play, and I am very eager to see where his development leads!

#ffxiv rp #ff14 rp #ffxiv roleplay #balmung roleplay #ffxiv lfrp #I thought I put a Read More in here but I don't see it on mobile oh well

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veroticker · 5 years

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Good guy - Kate Meader

Summary (from Kate Meader’s website)

He's a Special Forces veteran making his pro hockey debut. She's a dogged sports reporter determined to get a scoop. She's also his best friend's widow...

Fans can’t get enough of Levi Hunt, the military veteran who put his NHL career on hold to serve his country and fight the bad guys. So when his new Chicago Rebels bosses tell him to cooperate with the press on a profile, he’s ready to do his duty. Until he finds out who he has to work with: flame-haired, freckle-splashed, impossibly perky Jordan Cooke.

The woman he should not have kissed the night she buried her husband, Levi’s best friend in the service.

Hockey-stick-up-his-butt-serious Levi Hunt might despise Jordan for reasons she can’t fathom—okay, it’s to do with kissing—but her future in the cutthroat world of sports reporting hangs on delivering the goods on the league’s hottest, grumpiest rookie. So what if he’s not interested in having his life plated up for public consumption. Too bad. Jordan will have to play dirty to get her scoop and even dirtier to get her man. Only in winning the story, she might just lose her heart...

Blurb

“His head was still spinning at the speed of his career trajectory. Four months ago, he’d received his discharge papers from Special Forces, acquired an agent, and put himself on the market. Ten weeks ago, he’d signed on for a fall start with the Chicago Rebels AHL affiliate, the Rockford Royals. Spending a year or two in the feeder league to get game-tough seemed as good a plan as any. He’d spent nine years off competitive ice after all.

But then disaster struck—for someone else. Garrick Jones, one of the Rebels’ centers fractured his arm during a preseason game six days ago. The next morning, Levi was on the practice rink in Riverbrook, home base of the Rebels. Just like that.

“Get your pants made custom,” Rebels captain Vadim Petrov said to Kershaw as he walked out of the shower in a cloud of steam. The guy made millions in modeling endorsements so this entrance was definitely on brand. “Then your beautiful, thick ass will be covered.”

Theo pointed at Vadim. “We’re not all Russian billionaires. I’m doing okay, but I’d rather not slap down a few thousand buckaroos every time I need a suit. Not when the pants end up splitting because my glutes are so damn powerful.”

The entire locker room lost it.

“You’ve got super glutes, Kershaw,” Levi said. “Hey, that has a nice ring to it.”

“Don’t even think of it, New Guy. I already have a nickname.”

Facing an ass-free mirror, Cade scrubbed a clump of gel through his hair. “You mean Lightning? Which you invented yourself.”

Surely not. “You self-assigned your nickname?”

“And it’s starting to catch on! Like Lightning.”

Vadim curled his lips in aristocratic disgust. “In your wet dreams, Theo. You cannot come up with your own nickname. That is the rule.””

(review under the cut)

Review

What a pleasure it was to go back to Chicago and meet again with the Rebels hockey team! Callaghan (from In skates trouble) was there, and the Dempseys (Flirting with fire) made a come back too. It was like a family reunion! I really enjoyed that.

Also, there was a real bit of hockey in there, both on and off the ice. You get the feeling that Kate Meader knows what she’s talking about. I particularly liked Levi’s struggles at going back on the ice after so long and finding himself lacking; the way he trains harder than anyone else to earn his spot in the team.

Finally, there’s a huge chunck of the book revolving around Jordan and the way she has to act as a woman in a male’s world. Coming after the whole #metoo movement, the book uses the idea that women need to report the men who act like assholes, especially in a work environment. Jordan faces backlash when she tries to write an article about the problem, but she resists, and she sets a good example.

Not the best Kate Meader I’ve read so far, but it was quite enjoyable, and her take on #metoo gave a little plus to a conventional plot. Always well written, with compelling characters, it was Kate Meader to a T.

Quickie

Series: Rookie Rebels #1

Hashtags: #hockey romance #husband’s best friend #soldier #metoo

Main couple: Jordan Cooke & Levi Hunt

Hotness: 4/5

Romance: 4/5

+ the whole plot around the harassment of women in sport

- I didn’t really get the need for secrecy around Levi’s good deeds

Stalker mode

You can suscribe to Kate Meader’s newsletter on her website.

You can also follow her on Facebook.

#Good guy #Kate Meader #contemporary romance #hockey romance

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dru-and-ash · 6 years

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Jaime-Dru-Ash Love Triangle

When we start The Wicked Powers

(Dru will be around 16-17, Jaime 19-20 and Ash more likely to stay at 18)

Age thing is a mess, I hope Dru will be 17!

How would Dru's love life would look like;

Jaime Pros;

Firstly he is latina like Cristina (whom I believe Dru looks up to coz she is badass, kind and beautiful all together)

He had been a runaway for some time in his life and Dru loves adventures and we know all Blackthorns are rebel from head to toe.

Jaime has black hair and a cracked smile that she likes she is different in almost all her tastes than an average girl and everything about Jaime is interesting for her.

He has been older than her all this time yet treated her as his equal(that made her like him/childishly admire him in the first place).

Jaime had been a trusted figure close to her family for years so she had grown to trust him and she had 3-4 years to silently grow her feelings.

Jaime Cons;

He can bent the truth when it suits him(remember him saying they made a list of weapons everyone took from Diana's shop LOL he had me believed for a moment)

He's got a problematic history with Cristina that he hurt her by claiming to use her to seize power in MC institute(that will more likely to be explained in his future POV I wish I was given Why in Qoaad)

Ash pros;

He saved Emma's life in another world and helped her to kill his super evil -kinda adoptive- but not father.

He has wings, I wasn't sure if I should count this but @iselin would slap me if I didn't.

He remembered her, his first reaction to Julian was literally; "You look just like her" and I was like WTF some people crept in your bedroom while you are asleep and you didn't screamed as the first reaction?! (Okey he was waiting for his mother to send someone to free him it kinda makes sense, still)

He kept the drawing as if it was a latter from a dear friend and I liked it.

Ash cons;

He left a terrible first impression on her being all rude and questioning(with a hand on dagger) in that half a page long LoS scene.

Dru was never the kinda girl would instantly fall for an arrogant blond fey Prince who came out of nowhere(literally nowhere).

He was kinda raised by Annabel that one puts me in doubts coz I don't believe that his part demon blood defines him but being raised by a controversial character is umm?! Coz I do not see Annabel as villain still.

I also don't consider Seelie Queen or Thule Jace as good influences to Ash whom both also raised him.

Ash will have a big competition

Regardless if Jaime would like/love Dru back.

Coz Dru has being admiring Jaime for a long time when Ash entered her life.

You know what this says;ANGSTY!

#drusilla blackthorn #ash morgenstern #twp #twp theories #the wicked powers #love triangle #jaime rocio rosales

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ayittey1 · 5 years

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COCONUT CLASSICS

Fed up with the buffoonery and tomfoolery coming out of Africa. So I compiled a litany of the eccentricities and flat-out acts of buffoonery that I have come across in my research and work on Africa. Let me know which one you like the best. Enjoy.

In March 2017, Emmanuel Elibariki, a hip-hop artist, released a song in which he asked “is there still freedom of expression in Tanzania?” He was promptly arrested and his song banned from the airwaves. (The Economist, Oct 19, 2017; p.43).

The late president, Gen. Samuel Doe of Liberia summoned his finance minister – “only to be reminded by aides that he had already executed him” (The New York Times, Sept 13, 2003; p.A4).

In 2016, Uganda’s Parliament voted Shs68 million ($18,320) to cover the funeral expenses of each MP (Daily Monitor, Sept 15, 2016). Hand them over. I will bury them for FREE – with the Cutlass!

President Yoweri Museveni of Uganda wants to ban oral sex “the mouth is for eating” https://bit.ly/2ILs3RV

"Corruption is everywhere -- in the villages, wherever", Zambia's Lands Minister Gladys Nyirango acknowledged at a major conference on graft in Africa. Hours later she was SACKED. (Sapa-AFP, March 4, 2007).

A former minister of finance was found hiding – where else? -- in a coconut tree: “Zambia’s former finance minister, Katele Kalumba, was arrested and charged with theft after the police found him hiding in a tree near his rural home. Mr. Kalumba, who had been on the run for four months, is being charged in connection with some $33 million that vanished while he was in office (The New York Times, Jan 16, 2003; p.A8).

In Zimbabwe, the anti-corruption czar, Ngonidzashe Gumbo, was himself a bandit, jailed for 10 years for defrauding the commission of $435,000 (The Herald, March 12, 2015). https://bit.ly/2UCre4b

Zambia President Edgar Lungu is buying a new Presidential Jet fitted with a cutting edge military grade anti-missile defense system which fires lasers at incoming heat-seeking missiles (Zambia Observer, Oct 12, 2018). https://bit.ly/2UyS9ho

In Feb 2019, “The First Lady of Zambia, Esther Lungu, travelled to the US with a 25-man delegation to receive four fire trucks, which the Los Angeles Fire Department, had RETIRED from service” (Punch, Feb 7, 2019). Hopefully they did not fly back with the trucks!

When two coconuts fight . . . https://on.wsj.com/2PlEVzd

RWANDA: “I have caught you supporting rebels to destabilize my government. Take that! The border is closed!” (Delivers a sharp left hook). UGANDA: “Wui! . . . No, it is you who is destabilizing my government. Take that!” (Delivers a stiff upper cut). AU (the referee) is snoring zzzzzzzzzz and awakes: “I APPEAL to both of you to end hostilities!” And goes back to sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzz https://bit.ly/2SO3Agh https://bit.ly/2UzW39K

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Two journalists were arrested and charged with publishing false information for reporting that President Bingu wa Mutharika, had moved out of a new 300-room palace because he believed it was haunted. The two, Raphael Tenthani, who works for the BBC, and Mabvuto Banda of the newspaper The Nation, were reportedly taken in raids at their homes. Malawi newspapers and radio stations carried the ghost report over the weekend, quoting a senior official. Mr. Mutharika has angrily denied the reports, saying, "I have never feared ghosts in my life." (Agence France-Presse, March 16, 2005)

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Insecurity challenges heightened in Bayelsa State following separate incidents of kidnapping of four policemen and six other persons along Nembe waterways by gunmen suspected to be sea pirates. Sunday Independent gathered that the gunmen also seized a gunboat belonging to the Nigeria Police in an incident that occurred on Friday. Sources said the gunboat was escorting a barge owned by the Nigerian Agip Oil Company (NAOC) when the bandits struck (Daily Independent, October 26, 2014).

Coconut Eccentricities

Sudan

“Colonel Ibrahim Chamsadine was Sudan’s defense minister but was arrested and imprisoned in 1995 by Omar al-Bashir for opposing him. Later, the state claimed that he died in a plane crash on June 11, 2008. But he was found in a secret prison under a mosque in the Sudanese city of Omdurmanprison https://bit.ly/2YbKT9c

Mali

In March 1991, angry Malians took to the streets to demand democratic freedom from the despotic rule of Gen. Moussa Traore. He unleashed his security forces on them, killing scores, including women and children. But pro-democracy forces were not deterred and kept up the pressure. Asked to resign on March 25, he retorted: "I will not resign, my government will not resign, because I was elected not by the opposition but by all the people of Mali." Two days later, when he tried to flee the country, he was grabbed by his own security agents and sent to jail. From there, he lamented: "My fate is now in God’s hands."

Kenya

“President Daniel arap Moi has urged Kenyans to abstain from sex for at least two years to try to curb the spread of AIDS. . .Moi was speaking after the government announced plans to import 300 million condoms to fight AIDS” (The Telegraph, July 13, 2001)

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Uganda

Uganda’s Agriculture Minister, Kibirige Ssebunya, declared that: “All the poor should be arrested because they hinder us from performing our development duties. It is hard to lead the poor, and the poor cannot lead the rich. They should be eliminated" (New Vision, Kampala, Dec 15, 2004). He advised local leaders to arrest poor people in their areas of jurisdiction.

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Soldiers teach wealth creation

BUSHENYI- Soldiers implementing the newly established operational Wealth Creation program have urged farmers to stop being afraid of working with them, saying they are not a colonial army that used to force people to do community tasks. The appeal was made at a meeting for the program’s southwestern army coordinators in Bushenyi District last week. The project replaced Naads last year. The meeting was organized by the Uganda Coffee Development Authority (UCDA) aimed at harmonizing collaboration between UCDA and coordinators to improve the quality and production of coffee (Daily Monitor, Feb 24, 2015)

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No fewer than 300 Nigerian soldiers FLED to Cameroon when Boko Haram insurgents overran Mubi, the second largest city in Borno State from security forces on Oct 30, 2014 (SUNDAY PUNCH, Nov 2, 2014).

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Kibaki

In May 2005, Lucy Kibaki, one of the two wives of President Mwai Kibaki, was hopping mad. She stormed into the Nairobi office of The Daily Nation, confiscated notebooks, tape recorders and pens. Brandishing a copy of the newspaper, Mrs. Kibaki, flanked by several security officers and the Nairobi police chief, Kingori Mwangi, demanded to know the whereabouts of a reporter who had written a story headlined “Shame of First Lady” that offended her. “I am here to protest, and I’m not leaving until I find the reporter who has been writing all these lies,” a witness said. Mrs. Kibaki then camped herself for much of the night at the desk of the newspaper's editor, unleashing a fury of broadsides at the staff. When a local television crew arrived, she slapped a cameraman. The problem was that she chose the wrong newspaper to unleash her full fury. It was the rival Standard newspaper that had printed the offending article, not the Daily Nation. (The Daily Nation, May 9, 2005). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nigeria

The Nigeria Security and Civil Defense Corps (NSCDC) has proposed to spend N5 billion on the procurement of anti-terrorism, chemical, bio-radiation and NUCLEAR weapon equipment and other new projects. Breakdown of the budget by Daily Trust reveals that N254.2m was proposed for the procurement of NUCLEAR weapon equipment, as well as N196.6m for the purchase of two BMW 900 RT, 374 Sinoki motorcycles, 200 bikes and 30 rider kits. Daily Trust, Feb 21, 2018 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zimbabwe

Three people have appeared in court in Zimbabwe, accused of stealing a suitcase containing $150,000 (£117,600) of cash from the country's ousted president, Robert Mugabe. The suspected thieves allegedly spent the money on cars, homes and animals. A relative of the ex-president, Constantia Mugabe, is among the accused, government-owned media report. She allegedly had keys to Mr Mugabe's rural home in Zvimba, near the capital Harare, and gave the others access. The other suspects were employed as cleaners at the time of the theft, which allegedly happened some time between 1 December and early January (BBC Jan 10, 2019) https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-46830960 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kenya

In January 2000,Kenya’s ruling party’s (KANU’s) gang of thugs known as Jeshi la Mzee (“the old man’s army”), attacked a group of opposition leaders outside parliament who were protesting against the resumption of IMF assistance. When the police were called to restore order, “It was the protesters, not the thugs, who were arrested” (The Economist, Feb 5, 2000; p.42). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Zimbabwe

"In Zimbabwe, the thieves are in charge and their victims face prosecution" (The Economist, March 16, 2002; p.18). In 2000, Zimbabwe's Supreme Court ruled that invasions of white commercial farmlands by "war veterans" did not constitute a workable form of land redistribution -- a position, which was affirmed by a Commonwealth agreement struck in Abuja, Nigeria in Sept 2001. But President Robert Mugabe tossed the agreement aside, reconstituted the Supreme Court by packing it with pliant judges who then ruled on Dec 6 2001 that the violent land invasions were legal (The Economist, Dec 8, 2001; p.45).

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President Yoweri Museveni, who has been in power since 1986, was miffed in December 2017 when two Ugandan musicians suggested in a song that he should retire. The two were promptly arrested and charged with disturbing the peace of the president. “Singer David Mugema and music producer John Muwanguzi were accused of having composed and disseminated via the internet a tune titled “Wumula”, meaning “retire”, their lawyer Abdallah Kiwanuka told AFP” (Mail &Guardian, Dec 6, 2017).

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DR Congo frees goats from prison

A minister in the Democratic Republic of Congo has ordered a Kinshasa jail to release a dozen goats, which he said were being held there illegally. Deputy Justice Minister Claude Nyamugabo said he found the goats just in time during a routine jail visit. The beasts were due to appear in court, charged with being sold illegally by the roadside. The minister said many police had serious gaps in their knowledge and they would be sent for retraining. Mr Nyamugabo was conducting a routine visit to the prison when, he said, he was astonished to discover not only humans, but a herd of goats crammed into a prison cell in the capital. He has blamed the police for the incident.(Thank God, he didn’t blame the colonialists). It is not clear what will happen to the owners of the goats, who have also been imprisoned. BBC Africa analyst Mary Harper says that given the grim state of prisons in Congo, the goats will doubtless be relieved about being spared a trial. There was no word on what their punishment would have been, had they been found guilty.

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Traffic Drives Nigerians Nuts, but a Trip to a Shrink May Go Too Far Enforcement of One-Way Rules in Lagos Tests Motorists' Sanity; 'A Lot of Cannabis'

LAGOS, Nigeria—You'd have to be crazy to drive the wrong way down a one-way street here. At least, that's what cops in the local Anti-One-Way Squad say.

Seeking to stem an epidemic of wrong-way driving, Lagos authorities have ratcheted up the standard $160 fine. Scofflaws now also face psychiatric evaluations. Contesting the charge can jack up the fine to $1,600—and you still get sent to a shrink. The legal logic is simple, says Sina Thorpe, spokesman for the Lagos state ministry of transportation: If you violate one-way rules, "you should have your head examined." Threatening errant drivers with psychiatric exams, which locals deem more bureaucratic than medical, is a twist in the rough road of Nigerian traffic. Lagos bigwigs have long paid on-duty local cops to speed them through jams by riding shotgun with machine guns and menacing other drivers with bullwhips. Cut-price motorcycle taxis use thunderous horns that sound like 18-wheelers to frighten others out of the way. (The Wall Street Journal, July 27, 2011; p.A1

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Zambia: Zambia's Transport Minister, Nkandu Luo, acting to "improve sanity in the transportation industry" ordered all buses and taxis to be painted in same uniform color: Blue and white. The United Transport and Taxi Association (UTTA) who were not consulted on the move, claimed that the imposition of the colors "amounted to the worst form of dictatorship." "If they think it is such a good idea to have a uniform color, why don't they paint all government vehicles in the same blue and white so that they lead by example," UTTA member Mr. Bwalya Chupa complained. Passengers were not impressed either. "The buses should have been repaired before being smeared with a coat of paint," commuter Juliet Sefu opined. Rather than bring sanity to the transportation industry, most Zambians believe the Transport Minister has brought even further insanity to their already beleaguered transportation infrastructure (African Business, May 2001; p.13).

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Sierra Leone: The Sierra Leone Government is urging people to stop jeering and throwing stones at former military leader, Captain Valentine Strasser. A government statement said Captain Strasser had been embarrassed by people throwing stones at him and booing him when he ventured out on the streets of the capital, Freetown. "It is a great concern to the nation," the statement said (Daily Graphic, Accra, August 18, 2001; p.5).

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Uganda

Minister seeks to attract tourists: Uganda has sexy and curvy women . . . And coconuts too https://goo.gl/FXWsgi

Chad

The president built a moat around the capital to ward off rebel insurgency led by his relatives: “The government is digging a 10-foot-deep trench around the capital, Ndjamena, to prevent a repeat of an attack last month, when rebels in pickup trucks rolled in and fought two days of heavy battles. The ditch will all but encircle the city, slicing through neighborhoods and forcing vehicles to pass through fortified gateways, a security official said. The remaining trees that line the avenues of central Ndjamena are being felled. Residents say the rebels used trees knocked down by rocket-propelled grenades and cannon fire to block roads during the fighting” (Reuters reprinted in The New York Times, March 8, 2008). And who are the rebels? His own nephews and relatives. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zimbabwe

Zimbabwean President Emmerson Mnangagwa has launched a space agency, hailing it a "milestone" as he campaigns ahead of elections at the end of the month. The Zimbabwe National Geospatial and Space Agency will deploy earth observation satellites, global navigation satellite systems, unmanned aerial vehicles, geospatial and space technologies for better farming, mineral exploration, wildlife conservation, infrastructure management and disease surveillance, he said in Harare https://bit.ly/2GZCq3w

Coconut Combat on Corruption

In Feb 2014 when Lamidu Sanusi, the former governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria, reported that some $20 billion in oil revenue was missing, it was he, the governor, who was immediately sacked by ex-Pres. Goodluck Jonathan for financial recklessness and misconduct! (BBC News, Feb 20, 2014) https://bbc.in/2Kb8rsE

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Paul Biya Fights Corruption? Don’t snicker; my head it splitting already! The man is holed up in Switzerland watching over his Swiss bank accounts! Holds a cabinet meeting every 4 years. In Oct 2018 he won a 7th 7-year term without even campaigning. He has already been in power for 41 years https://bit.ly/2XWI4cG

Life in a coconut Republic

Liberia under Pres. Charles Taylor

“Wheel barrows serve as ambulances for the people. The public schools do not function; more than 70 percent of the population is illiterate. Yet, all government ministers have Ph.D.s – some even three or four – all purchased. At the University of Liberia, Charles Taylor offered 11,000 scholarships to his friends in 1997 but did not pay their tuition bills. Nor did his government pay the salaries of university professors and public school teacher . . . Liberia had a judicial system but Taylor named his friends who could not read or write to be judges and attorneys, and sentences were handed down on his orders . . . The capital has a fire building, painted bright red but its only fire truck has no tires, headlamps, or even a hose. Wires dangle from the engine. With no running water in the city, firefighters must jog or hitchhike to a creek three miles away to fetch water in buckets to put out a fire” (The Washington Post, Sep 9, 2003; p.A18). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nigeria

The late General Sani Abacha’s family thought they were smart. They hired Usman Mohammed Bello – a Sudanese from Karsala -- to look after their three children attending school in Amman, Jordan. Usman became a close confidante of Abacha with access to several coded foreign bank accounts opened by the late General. The family so trusted him that Abacha gave him diplomatic status in the Nigerian foreign office in Amman. He was also issued with both diplomatic passport number F317567 and a standard passport number A104786. Subsequently, Abacha was poisoned or died in 1998 from exhaustion from a Viagra-fueled sex orgy – depending on upon which version one believes. A short transitional government led to the election of President Olusegun Obasanjo in March 1999, who vowed to recover Abacha’s loot of about $5 billion from abroad. On October 1, 1999, Usman Bello vanished. A hysterical Abacha family appealed to Nigeria’s police and government for help in catching him! “Nigeria’s State Security Service from from (SSS) established that the Sudanese might have salted away millions of dollars entrusted to him by the Abacha family and may also be privy to other financial transactions of the family overseas, especially in the Arab world” (Weekly Insight, July 19-25, 2000; p.1). Only in a coconut republic would thieves appeal to the police to apprehend a thief! Even then, part of the Abacha loot that was recovered, was quickly re-looted! About $709 million and another ₤144 million were recovered from the loot the Abachas and his henchmen stashed abroad. But the Senate Public Accounts Committee found only $6.8 million and ₤2.8 million of the recovered booty in the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) (The Post Express (July 10, 2000).

Coconut Elections

Tanzania

The losing candidate lambasted voters, not his own incompetence, for losing an election: “The candidate of the Tanzania Labour Party (TLP), Augustine Mrema, did well in 1995 with another party, NCCR-Mageuzi, and less well with TLP in 2000. This time, he blamed the voters for betraying him. Mrema, a former home affairs minister who contested the 1995 elections as leader of his own party, chastised the voters for not choosing him previously. "I wonder why you have not given me votes to become president despite my impressive record as home affairs minister," he told a rally in Dar es Salaam broadcast live on radio and television. "I worked as deputy prime minister, which means I was boss to Mkapa and Sumaye, still you chose not to elect me president. Why? Some voters are hypocrites. They proclaim to support you but vote for other people. If you do not vote for me this time, you will have to explain." (Southen African News, Dec 16, 2005) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nigeria

To return Nigeria to civilian rule, the late military dictator, Gen. Sani Abacha, allowed only 5 political parties to be registered in 1996 and participate in the forthcoming elections. They all promptly chose HIM as their presidential candidate!

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Rwanda: On August 25, 2003, Paul Kagame, leader of the Rwanda Patriotic Front (RPF), won 95.05 percent of the vote. His challenger, Faustin Twagiramungu, found his campaign stymied at every turn by government security forces. His rallies were canceled, his workers arrested and his brochures seized. On the eve of the voting, “police arrested 12 of Twagiramungu’s provincial organizers, saying they were preparing election day violence” (The Washington Times, Aug 28, 2003; p.A19). “In Twagiramungu’s home town, soldiers reportedly looked at ballot papers and ordered those who voted the wrong way to try again” (The Economist, Aug 30, 2003; p.32). Faustin Twagiramungu, won 3.62 percent and a third candidate, Jean Nepomuscene Nayinzira, had 1.33 percent (The New York Times, Aug 26, 2003; p.A6). In the 2010 elections Kagame won 93% of the vote and in the 2017 elections he won 99.98% of the vote! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ethiopia: May 2015 election the opposition did not win a single parliamentary seat. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Ghana’s 1996 presidential election, opposition candidate, Col. Erskine did not win a single vote in his own constituency. In other words, he did not would vote for himself and neither did his wife and four children. He was livid. When he complained bitterly on a radio program, the electoral commissioner tossed six votes his way. Marriage breaker election. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Egypt

In Egypt’s March 2018 elections all of those who expressed an interest to contest either disappeared or were thrown into jail. The main challenger was arrested and his campaign manager beaten up. The only candidate allowed to run was Mousa Mostafa Mousa. He was a strong supporter of the president. In fact, his own party previously endorsed the incumbent, Abdel Fattahh al-Sisi, who won 97% of the vote. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Zimbabwe

In Zimbabwe’s July 2018 election bore all the hallmarks of the long-ruling ZANU-PF party’s usual machinations. Voters included more than 1,000 people about 100 years old and older; four were even born in the 1880s. Emmerson Mnangagwa (the incumbent) won 50.8% of votes to 44.3% for opposition leader Nelson Chamisa. He scraped through by the skin of his teeth to avoid a runoff! Yeah right! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congo DR The Mother of all Coconut elections took place in Congo DR on Dec 30, 2018 after being twice postponed. Vote in 3 opposition areas were postponed to March 2019. Rest of the country voted on Dec 30. The Electoral Commissioner declared Felix Tshisekedi, an opposition candidate, as the winner on Jan 15. There was widespread speculation that the incumbent, Joseph Kabila, had made a secret pact with Tshisekedi. The Catholic Church disagreed with the results, giving the nod to another opposition candidate, Martin Fayulu, who declared himself president. A nasty political crisis erupted which wend its way to the Constitutional Court. Awoken out of its slumber, the African Union with indecent haste ordered the Court to hold off and wait for its high level and high profile delegation to come to Kinshasa to resolve the crisis. And the Chairman of the AU seeking to resolve an election dispute? Prez PAUL KAGAME of Rwanda who in Aug 2017 tossed his political rival, Diane Rwigara, into jail and won 99.98% of vote in presidential election https://goo.gl/URjASb The Court told the AU to butt out and mind his own business. It went ahead and confirmed Tshisekedi as the winner. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Coconut Security Forces Mauritania

State news: Mauritania's president mistakenly shot by his nation's troops

(CNN) -- Mauritanian President Mohamed Ould Abdel Aziz, who came under fire from his own troops just hours before, took to his country's airwaves Sunday, saying the shooting incident was an accident. "I want to reassure all citizens of my well-being after the accident committed by an army unit on an unpaved road around Touela. ... Everything is fine," he said in an interview broadcast on official Mauritanian television. Troops shot the president late Saturday in what the government is calling a case of "friendly fire" -- though others believe it may have been an assassination attempt. Aziz's convoy mistakenly came under fire as it was heading back toward the capital of Nouakchott, the official AMI news agency reported. The gunshots came from a military unit stationed alongside the road in the west African country. http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/13/world/africa/mauritania-president-shot/index.html By Amir Ahmed, CNN, October 14, 2012 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kenya

In Africa, most of the police are highway robbers and judges, crooks. Tell a police officer that you saw a minister stealing the people’s money and it is you he will arrest! Asked to investigate the brutal murders of Robert Ouko and British tourist, Julie Ward, Kenya police issued this report: “Foreign Minister Robert Ouko was presumed to have broken his own leg, shot himself in the head and set himself afire. Two years earlier, Kenyan officials suggested that a British tourist, Julie Ward, lopped off her own head and one of her legs before setting herself aflame” (The Washington Post, April 20, 2001; p. A19). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ghana

The security forces can unleash the full force of their fury on unarmed civilians with batons, tear gas, water canons and rubber bullets. But how really brave are the security forces? On 16 December 1998, Corporal C. Darko and Constable K. A. Boateng at a Police Station in Accra, Ghana, were instructed to go and arrest Samuel Quartey, who was reported to police for being involved in a theft case. "When the suspect came out brandishing a cutlass (a machete), the police officers took to their heels with the speed of lightning that could have made an enviable record had they been timed" (The Mirror, 2 Jan 1999, 1). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soldiers on guard duties at the Ghana Broadcasting Corporation no longer guard an observation post behind the TV studios because of a ghost who slaps officers who go on duty there at night. In September, 1994, an officer on guard at that sentry came running to the head of security complaining of an invincible hand which had on two occasions pulled his helmet from his head and slapped him. The senior officer, unmoved by the soldier's story, decided to prove him wrong by manning the post himself. Within an hour, the senior officer fled to the office telling a similar tale, this time the ghost allegedly smacked him four times on the face (Ghana Drum, Feb 1995; p.33). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nigeria

On July 23, 1998, Colonel Anthony Obi, Osun State's military administrator, strutted pompously to deliver a speech at a state function at Osogbo in the southwestern part of Lagos, Nigeria. As the Daily Champion (24 July 1998) reported: "Panic stricken Nigerian officials ran for safety when first a rat and then a python, apparently drawn by the smell of the rat, made a sudden appearance. The officials leapt up from their seats when the rat, described as having a "long snout and offensive smell," appeared from beneath the carpet by the high table. Colonel Anthony Obi, Osun State's military administrator, and his entourage nervously returned after security agents intervened and killed the beast. (p.1) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kenya

Ambushed by bunch of rag-tag cattle rustlers, Kenya’s elite presidential guards quickly surrendered. Johann Wandetto, a reporter for the People Daily, a newspaper in Kitale, Rift Valley province, submitted a story in the March 6, 1999 edition with the title: “Militia men rout 8 crack unit officers: Shock as Moi’s men surrender meekly.” Wandetto was immediately arrested and sentenced to 18 months in prison on what the court described as an “alarmist report” (Index on Censorship, 3/2000; p.99). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congo DR

Nor can the security forces shoot straight. When civil war broke out in the DR Congo in 1997, Chad sent in troops to help the regime of Laurent Kabila stave off rebel attacks. What happened? “Congo rebels said 93 Chadian soldiers were killed in an ambush by Kabila government troops who mistook their identities. Chad, one of the nations allied with the Kabila regime, insisted the toll was lower” (The Wall Street Journal, Nov 12, 1998, A1). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sudan

And the mother of all security forces? When the African Union (AU) peacekeepers' base on the edge of Haskanita, a small town in southern Darfur, came under sustained rebel assault on Sept 29, 2007, they fled into the bush. “Ten were killed; at least 40 fled into the bush. The attackers looted the compound before Sudanese troops arrived to rescue the surviving peacekeepers” (The Economist, Oct 11, 2007; p.48) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hoisted by own petard

Ousted Mauritania leader in shock

The former president of the West African state of Mauritania has said he was stunned by the coup that ousted him from power. Army officers overthrew President Maaouiya Ould Sid Ahmed Taya in a bloodless revolt on Wednesday. Speaking for the first time since the coup, Mr Taya said he had been shocked to find out who was behind it. He was toppled by the former security chief and close colleague, Colonel Ely Ould Mohammed Vall. "My situation reminds me of the old adage: 'God, save me from my friends, I'll take care of my enemies'," President Taya told Radio France Internationale from Niger. "I was stunned by the coup d'etat [...] and even more so when I heard who were the authors," Mr Taya said. President Taya, who survived a number of coup attempts in his 21-year rule, was returning from the funeral of King Fahd in Saudi Arabia when the coup took place. Col Vall, 55, has been director of national security since 1987 and, after played a key role in the 1984 coup which brought Mr Taya to power. Critics accuse the government of using the US-led war on terror to crack down on his opponents. Mr Taya had also prompted widespread opposition by establishing links with Israel, making Mauritania one of only three Arab states to have done so. The following presidents were removed by members of their own security forces: Ben Ali of Tunisia in 2011, Hosni Mubarak of Egypt in 2011, Abdelaziz Bouteflika of Algeria in April 2019 and Omar al-Bashir of Sudan in April 2019. They never learn and keep spending more and more on security forces. In the end they are booted out by members of their own security forces. Guinea

GUINEA: PRESIDENT ESCAPES ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT Guinea's leader, Lansana Conté, survived an assassination attempt, his security minister said, after unidentified men in military uniforms fired on his convoy. Mr. Conté, 70, a diabetic chain-smoker who has no obvious successor and is rarely seen in public, later appeared on state television. Military officials said his bodyguards returned fire and foiled the attack. Security Minister Moussa Sampil said that an unspecified number of people had been detained. In his television address, Mr. Conté spoke of "external manipulations" against him but added, "Personally, I only fear my close aides, who pretend they are with me while they are not sincere." (Reuters, Jan 20, 2005). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hundreds of marauding soldiers fired guns in the air in the streets of Conakry and other towns around the country on Friday, further threatening the ability of Guinea's beleaguered president Lansana Conte to govern. Banks, schools, markets and shops all closed at around 11.30am as news spread that heavily armed soldiers were marching into town, after talks between senior military officials and soldiers at a military base near the airport collapsed. "We want the leaders who stole our wages and betrayed us to step down," one of the soldiers marching in central Conakry close to the presidential palace, told IRIN on Friday afternoon. In the morning IRIN also saw presidential guards, distinguished by their red berets, in the center of the city. They were shooting in the air in what appeared to be an attempt to scare off the mutinous soldiers, but the presidential guards were outnumbered and eventually FLED! UN Integrated Regional Information Networks NEWS 11 May 2007

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http://www.punchng.com/news/mubi-battle-300-nigerian-soldiers-flee-to-cameroon-again/

Boko Haram has seized control of a Nigerian town after hundreds of soldiers stationed there reportedly FLED across the border to Cameroon, a police source said. "Boko Haram fighters moved into Ashigashya" overnight on Monday, where they slaughtered three people in front of a church, a Cameroon police source told the AFP news agency on Tuesday on condition of anonymity. “Almost 500 Nigerian soldiers FLED the Nigerian border towns of Ashigashyia and Kerawa to take refuge from Boko Haram fighters on Cameroonian territory” (Al-Jazeera, Aug 26, 2014) www.aljazeera.com/news/africa/2014/08/boko-haram-seizes-town-after-soldiers-flee-2014826181311739107.html

Islamist extremist group Boko Haram seized control of a Nigerian town of Malam Fatori, near the Niger border, after soldiers FLED, an official told the AFP. . . The fighting killed dozens and wounded about 30 people in the a commercial hub known for fishing and farming, the Anfani radio station in Diffa reported. “The town of Malam Fatori was taken by Boko Haram after violent fighting with the Nigerian army overnight,” said the official in Diffa. According to the official, 315 Nigerian soldiers FLED over the border to Diffa. Thirteen who were wounded were treated in a Diffa hospital, while the others have been repatriated (Today, Nov 10, 2014) HTTP://WWW.TODAY.NG/NEWS/315-NIGERIAN-SOLDIERS-FLEE-TO-NIGER-AS-BOKO-HARAM-RAIDS-TAKES-CONTROL-OF-ANOTHER-TOWN-IN-BORNO/

“NO fewer than 480 Nigerian soldiers have FLED into Cameroon following fierce fighting with Boko Haram insurgents. The Cameroonian Army Spokesman, Lt Col Didier Badjek, who confirmed this, said the troops had already been disarmed. (Cameroon Daily, Jan 20, 2015).

HTTP://WWW.CAMEROONDAILY.NET/2014/08/480-NIGERIAN-SOLDIERS-FLEE-TO-CAMEROON.HTML

Mercifully there is the Coconut Cure

In Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, there is a place called "the magic corner," where all and sundry, including politicians, come to be relieved or cured of their problems. "Even those top leaders of the government come to that tree," said Shabuni Haruni, a private security guard. "Yes, during the election." Upon the payment of a small fee, a traditional healer ("witch doctor") would take a patient to a huge baobab tree, reputed to be the abode of ancestral spirits. Patients remove their shoes, kneel in front of the tree with their eyes closed. At one session described by The Washington Post correspondent, Karl Vick, "Rykia Selengia, a traditional healer, passed a coconut around and around the head of her kneeling client. The coconut went around the man's left arm, then the right, then each leg. When she handed the coconut to the client, Mussa Norris, he hurled it onto a stone. It shattered, releasing his problems to the winds." (The Washington Post, Nov 12, 2001; p. A21).

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hazyheel · 6 years

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NXT 2/20/19 Review

This show was awesome tonight, but did you really expect otherwise? We had Aleister Black vs. Roddy Strong, and a North American Championship match for the main event. This night was meant for greatness, and it achieved it. Awesome stories, awesome action, awesome characters. NXT just blew me out of the water today.

We began the night with a match between Aleister Black and Roderick Strong. Interestingly, Strong was not cornered by any of the other members of Undisputed Era. The beginning of the match showed that Strong had a distinct advantage in the fight on the mat, while Black had the advantage in a striking contest. Although, these are not overwhelming advantages. Early on in the match, Strong sent Black into the top of the steel steps, in an interesting take on his back based offense. In another innovative move, Strong held Black in a reverse fireman’s carry on the apron, and launched him into the top turnbuckle in a sickening spot. The finish came pretty out of nowhere, with Black flipping out of a vertical suplex, and immediately hitting the Black Mass for the win. After the match, the rest of the Undisputed Era attacked, and Ricochet came out to his new friend’s defense.

Grade: A-. The match was fast paced, exciting, and very fresh. These are two of my favorite wrestlers in NXT, and they blended together extremely well. It was an exciting match with some sick spots, and it feels like we are building to some sort of multi-man tag match at Takeover New York, and I am excited to see that, but they need to do some more storytelling if they are gonna set that match up.

A couple packages were shown, talking about Bianca Belair and her path towards the NXT Women’s Championship. It also recapped the debuts of Aleister Black, Johnny Gargano, Ricochet and Tommaso Ciampa. They also announced the first four teams in this year’s Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic, consisting of Kyle O’Reilly and Bobby Fish of Undisputed Era, Aichner and Barthel, Street Profits and the Forgotten Sons. Definitely excited for some awesome tag wrestling starting in two weeks

We then went into Xia Li vs. Mia Yim, a clash of two of the newer NXT Women.I The differences between them seemed to be that Yim had a power advantage, but Li was a better striker in general. Li showed off some aerial prowess with various monkey flips over Yim. Mia Yim won quite suddenly with a Protect Ya Neck, out of nowhere. After the match, the Horsewomen ambushed Yim, only to be rescued by several of the newer women in the performance center. It was a wild brawl around ringside, and the Horsewomen were able to walk away the victors, despite the numbers disadvantage, and Baszler even nailed a running knee on Yim as her cohorts held Yim in place.

Grade: B-. This was a pretty basic match that didn’t have nearly enough time to develop, and it was sort of only a way to emphasize other stars in the NXT Women’s division. And that is a very good thing. Mia Yim could be one of the stars to build the division around after the horsewomen are gone, while Xia Li seems like she needs some time to develop. Her offense is cool, but it lacks a certain snap to it, maybe a certain confidence. Anyway, the match was alright, but what really made this a B- was the attack afterwards. Shayna Baszler is only getting more ruthless as Women’s locker room rebels around her. Something is bound to break sooner or later, and seeing how violent Shayna is being lately, it is something to look forward to.

Backstage, Candice LaRae was helping to hype up Johnny Gargano for his title defense, when Tommaso Ciampa approached them. He simply told Gargano that he was willing to help Gargano retain. Gargano said that he didn’t need to his help, and walked away, but Ciampa muttered that he would be watching. Interesting how their relationship has evolved over the past year.

Then, an interesting turn, Matt Riddle had a prerecorded interview, talking about his eccentric character, his rivalry with Kassius Ohno, and his intensions of winning gold in NXT. Full interview on Youtube, which would be fun to check out.

In the main event, we had Johnny Gargano defends his NXT North American Championship against the winner of the World’s Collide Tournament, the Velveteen Dream. Going into this match, Gargano’s character is a bit gray, I am unsure if he is a face or heel. That gives this match an interesting dynamic. We start out with some fast paced mat wrestling, and both of these guys seem incredibly comfortable in this position. Dream was able to land a vicious slap to Gargano, which ignited a fire in Gargano, and they progressed to hard striking. Dream continued to taunt Gargano throughout the match. Gargano focused on wearing down Dream’s shoulders, applying various excruciating submissions. Further into the match, the two began trading signature moves and counters, knowing each other’s offense so well. So, as Dream went to the top rope, Gargano kicked one of Dream’s legs, and left him straddling the middle rope. Gargano then hit a twisting flatliner for a near fall. By the end, Gargano was desperately trying to his signature offense, only for Dream to counter it. Dream hit his twisting DDT for a near fall. He then missed a Purple Rainmaker elbow, drop, and Gargano nailed the kneeling superkick for a near fall. Dream then hit a super Dream Valley Driver from the second rope, for another close near fall. Dream tried to hit Gargano with a Purple Rainmaker on the outside, only for Gargano to counter with a superkick, throw him into the steps, hit a vertical suplex on the ramp, and then rolling Dream into the ring for a Slingshot DDT and a near fall. in the finish, Dream countered a lariat into two Dream Valley Drivers, and a Purple Rainmaker for safekeeping, and Dream won the NXT North American Championship.

Grade: A. The match was phenomenal. These two guys create magic together, and are both so incredibly good at selling and storytelling it is hard to say who did better during the match. Gargano went through phases of the match where he was liked by the crowd, acted like a heel, played dirty, played it safe. It is clear that Gargano is going through a lot of turmoil in his life, and watching it play out is amazing. He doesn’t even feel like an anti-hero anymore, he is just confused. Dream obviously deserves the belt, he is gonna be a great representative of the brand, and he really deserves it. I can’t wait to see what this will bring in the next chapter of the Gargano vs. Ciampa feud. Match of the night for sure.

Next week, we have Shayna Baszler vs. Mia Yim in a non title match, as well as the reveal of the rest of the teams in this Years Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic, and even its bracket. Not too much information for next week, but given how hot the women’s division is right now, I am definitely looking forward to it.

Overall Grade: A-

Pros: opening match, women’s division brawl, North American Championship match, Dusty Rhodes tag team classic.

Cons: women’s match could’ve been a bit smoother.

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