#also spiral abyss can go fuck right off

[calware]

what r some of ur fav Hal fics? Currently looking 2 read some and would love some recs!

sure thing!!

fics that are specifically about hal:

Reallocated by breezefulskies mature - chose not to use archive warnings - 324,756 words - 65 chapters (unfinished) Hal finds himself stranded aboard a certain meteor, impact-bound for Houston, Texas circa 1995. And everything spirals out from there. Because sometimes, when a system seems to be just short of defunct, all that is required is to take a step back and reevaluate the materials at hand and redistribute your available resources. And so, with birth comes a countdown on a cycle that begins as it ends: In the red.

hal is mysteriously sent to earth via unknown means and finds himself raising a baby as best as he can, which, given that he's glasses, is not easy. this is my favorite homestuck fic, not just because it's about hal, but also because i love the focus on family dynamics and the plot as it unfolds. begging everyone to read this, i can't say what happens exactly without spoiling things, it's just really really good. at the moment, it updates once a month

Ersatz Abyss by katreal mature - no archive warnings apply - 120,092 words - 39 chapters (unfinished) You look into the mirror to find your own face looking back at you. You laugh. And then you cry. Last, you try and figure out how you got to this moment. The Auto-Responder had long since resigned himself to an artificial existence, his only dwindling hope for escape hinging on a promise that has yet to be fulfilled. Then one day he wakes up, Dirk nowhere to be found. What's the point in getting what you want, if you can't show off a little?

another great hal fic. i managed to get my roommate (who has not read homestuck) to read this and they really enjoyed it, so i'm sure you all won't have any problems liking this one either. there are a lot of fics out there of hal getting a body, but this one is very different in that it's not the happy ending that you might first think it is. this fic perfects the feeling of everything snowballing into a bigger and bigger problem until it all falls apart

fics that have hal in them:

Bound in Ink and Iron by cyphertext (@4lph4kidz) teen - no archive warnings apply - 18,627 words - 3 chapters (unfinished) A prisoner in his own kingdom, the Prince of Derse seeks his freedom through the inadvisable use of a magic mirror. While making his escape he finds himself lost and in the company of a strange boy who lives alone in the ruins of his grandmother’s cottage. Both cursed, both hunted, they agree to travel together in the hopes that they can find some way to save their loved ones from their terrible fates. Or so the story goes.

hal is in this one for one chapter. but so far there are only three chapters... which means he's there for a whole third of the fic ^_^ but for real, i really like the way zero portrays him here. i am a supporter of evil shadow clone rights

Tennessee Whiskey & You by mistlafey teen - graphic depictions of violence, major character death - 12,217 words - 5 chapters (unfinished) When Dirk dies after an aneyursm, Hal and Jake have difficulties coping. Jake drinks to forget, and eventually Hal can't handle drunk Jake and his own grief - so he turns that into anger. “I’m not him, Jake! I can’t fucking- I can’t fix you. Dirk is gone and you don’t get to pretend he isn’t anymore. I can’t be Dirk, and every time you try to tell me I am it fucking hurts. There’s nothing left for you here. If Dirk was the only person that filled a void in you, there is nothing left to make you whole.”

i honestly have no idea how this is going to go but the bar scene in this one lives in my head rent-free. idk if it's ever going to update again though. hal fans forever forced to take what we can get

Falling for the First Time by nobrandhero teen - no warnings apply - 63,818 words - 11/17 chapters The game is over, Alpha Earth resets to 2009, and Dirk's bro doesn't live up to expectations. The movie director who appears so chill and stoic in interviews is actually a talkative, needy dweeb like his teenage counterpart. It's not a bad thing, as far as Dirk's concerned.

for whatever reason, i'm a sucker for fics where the characters somehow end up on earth again post-game, and out of all the fics that follow that concept this one is my favorite. hal is also there sometimes

[nuttytani]

Farewell, My Dear Boomer Lord

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Pairing: Tartaglia | Childe x Zhongli and Xiao x Aether

Premise: Genshin Impact is back with a new addition to their movie franchise, with a talented and an exciting cast. What are you waiting for? Come find out who they are!

A/N: This is a social media au fic, except in text form… Just crossposting it from my ao3 (which you can read it here if you’d like!!) and this is the final chapter :DD

prev chapter

Ch 2 interview and behind the scenes

Spiral Abyss ✓ .  @ abyssalmoon

Farewell Archaic Lord : Zhongli, Aether, Xiao and Ajax talk 

1.9 M views 

Watch now 

—

( The screen brightens up, Xiao, Ajax, Aether and Zhongli can be seen sitting on black studio chairs. They wave at the camera )

Aether

So, how shall we begin ?

Charlotte

Hello hello! Hmm, now that I’m facing all of you, I have no idea what to ask- (looks at the camera sheepishly) 

Ajax (gets ready to leave)

Alright, that’s the end of the interview! Thank you everyone for watching– 

Zhongli (interrupts him by placing a hand on his shoulder and chuckles)

Not so fast, I’m afraid. 

Charlotte 

Very funny, Ajax. We’re not letting you go until all the tea is spilled! 

Hmmm.. Oh right! This reminds me, where is the Liyue trio? I had thought Ms. Ganyu and the others would be attending?

(Charlotte looks somewhere off camera, as if to confirm something. Some rustling and muffled noises of people talking can be heard)

Xiao

Ah yes, unfortunately they got caught up in some other work and couldn’t make it. It was last minute and they couldn’t inform you in time.

Zhongli 

Mmh, that is correct. 

Charlotte 

Awe,how unfortunate! We were quite excited to meet up with the bona fide Liyue Qixing. Next time, I suppose!

Okay, let’s start off now. Who among you guys messed up your dialogues the most? 

(Camera zooms in at Aether’s face, who looks quite embarrassed as everyone stares pointedly at him)

Aether

It was me, ‘m sorry. Are spoilers allowed? 

Xiao 

Obviously, go on. 

Aether 

Ahem so- I might have gotten super annoyed by the side quests that the uhh… Traveler received from Mr. Morax. Such stupid side quests! I felt annoyed on behalf of Traveler, I mean– going all the way to Mondstadt to BOIL A FREAKING STONE? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?? And then walking all the way back to Liyue. Also, don’t forget about spending absurd amounts of money on FLOWERS– FLOWERS I TELL YOU!

(Aether does the jazz hands to express his frustration. Meanwhile, Zhongli observes bemusedly) 

So I may have said some things extremely off the script and we had to redo scenes. Multiple times. I’m so sorry guys! Blame Morax, he’s the problem. 

Ajax 

Yeah! We basically played “take a shot every time Aether says OH FUCK YOU”. I think it’s best to say we all got drunk, really really bad.

Xiao 

Hmph. You just can't hold your liquor. I was sober, thank you very much. 

Zhongli 

Oh? Really now? Ajax, where did that recording of him singing “My heart will go on” go? He did the entire Titanic ship pose and all.

(The camera zooms in again, now at a very red Xiao, who looks like he’s about to burst. To make it worse, Aether and Ajax are wheezing, trying to hold their laughs in but failing miserably)

Charlotte 

Is that so? I’d love to see that.

Xiao (looks at Zhongli in horror)

NO.

Zhongli 

Aha, so you do remember!

Charlotte 

Sounds like you all had a fun time during the shooting. Any interesting moments that you’d like to share?

Xiao

Oh yes definitely, I’m sure you all remember seeing a clip in which Morax stares at Tartaglia’s butt.

For those wondering, no, it was not part of the script. It was just Zhongli. All him, I swear. 

(Ajax visibly chokes on air and hides his face at Xiao’s comment, grumbling indistinctly) 

Zhongli (clears his throat)

Well I– it wasn’t on purpose… I was… Lost in… thoughts. Yes.

Aether 

Lost in a daydream, you mean to say. 

Charlotte (cackles and almost falls off of her chair)

Interesting! Well, let’s change the subject otherwise a few people might die from embarrassment here. Not that they haven't already. 

We can all agree that the scenes in the movie were absolutely epic! Such a beautiful landscape. And the sunset skies! Was it all CGI or did you all actually go to those gorgeous places? 

Ajax 

It was mostly real, a few things were CGI but honestly you could say 85% of it was the real deal. Acting in these areas was super difficult though. I mean, you can’t really control weather and most of the time, since we did a lot of shooting around mountain areas, it was WINDY and all the hair would keep going in my mouth, the hanfu wouldn’t stay in place… A nightmare honestly. 

Aether 

It wasn’t that bad though. 

Ajax 

Yes, it was that bad and you can’t change my mind! 

Charlotte 

Well Mr. Ajax, despite all your struggles, I must say your acting was superb. You had me gripping the edge of my seat! How thrilling! It’s hard to believe such a bubbly personality such as yours could act as a villain. I’ve heard that the directors saw you and called it.

Ajax 

Oh yeah. Umm, I’m surprised as well! This is my first acting experience honestly and sure, I’ve done concerts with Rosaline and Kabuki, but acting? Way above my paygrade. But they were super adamant I must audition for the role of Tartaglia. Next thing I know, I said a few lines and they picked me. 

Aether 

He was absolutely nuts, I swear. Super in character! Directors made the right choice, he looks and feels like THE living breathing Tartaglia. That one scene where he pulls out his water blades and does the cheeky toothy smile? That was all impromptu, off script. Ajax did all that and he didn't even realise it. 

Charlotte

Impressive! Also back to the hanfu and hair. Oh my god, you all looked stunning! The costumes were gorgeous and the hair! Looked so real.

Zhongli 

Mmhm, the costumes were all designed and made by Menogias. It’s always a pleasure to wear his hanfus, they really take your breath away. 

Xiao 

Yes, and it’s always a pleasant experience too. Which is rare, for such heavily embellished attire. You’d think they’d be heavy and itchy to wear but for some reason, Menogias makes only the best. It feels like you’re wearing pajamas. They're that comfortable. 

Aether

Agreed! Oh and by the way, we actually needed to grow our hair out for this movie. I mean, mainly me, Xiao and Ajax. Since Zhongli does a lot of historical movies and dramas, his hair is almost always long. I’m sure you must have noticed. 

Ajax (nods along) 

Yeah, it was all our hair. We had extensions in a few scenes but it was mostly just… us. Honestly, I didn't think I’d like long hair, since it seems to be quite a hassle to take care of, but I kinda enjoyed it. 

Xiao 

Mmhm. It wasn’t bad. Plus, the kids had fun braiding it. Mostly Qiqi, she’d see us and immediately give us those sparkly puppy dog eyes. She’d have fun braiding and we’d get a free hairstyle so, win win. 

Charlotte 

I can totally imagine the kids having fun, this is giving that tangled scene vibes right now. 

(Someone off camera comes and whispers into Charlotte’s ear and she looks surprised)

Oh dear! Time sure flies when in good company! I didn’t even notice that we’re almost about to go over your schedule. 

Zhongli 

Oh don’t worry about it, we can spare a few more minutes. This has been quite enjoyable. 

Charlotte 

Alright, let’s go through a few more questions then! I’ll go rapid fire speed, alright?

(Everyone says “yes ma'am!”) 

Any scenes that made you feel like you were in actual danger?

Aether 

Oh yeah, that one scene where I had to do the free fall and Xiao caught me. My heart almost jumped out of my chest!!

(The others nod) 

Xiao 

That scene was a bit scary. We had those rope contraption things holding us up, no idea what they’re called. Still, it felt awful. 

Charlotte 

Mhmm, the fans call it the moment “conqueror of demons falls in love with the traveler”. You were both gazing at each other quite intensely. 

Aether 

Trust me, it was the fear of falling. Nothing deep. 

(“Whatever you say bro,” Ajax adds sneakily)

Charlotte 

Any personal favourite scenes?

Zhongli 

Hmm if I had to choose, it’d definitely be the Osial part. From its release and battle, it was all incredible. 

Aether 

Definitely the Osial scene, but also the scene where Morax just sits… while drinking his oolong tea IN THE MIDDLE OF A TSUNAMI.

OH MY GOD. That was insane. Like dude– run for your life– then you remember he’s immortal. And also a bit wrong in the head. Rex Lapis apparently does not know how to behave like a human, even after living for thousands of years.

Ajax 

Oh preach. It was funny as hell. Zhongli came back looking like a wet rat too. 

Xiao 

We all looked like wet rats. Keqing took a picture of it too, she must have posted it somewhere. 

Charlotte

Well now I’m curious! Gotta look into Keqing’s skygram for that, huh? And thank you all for your precious time. I really enjoyed talking with you, it was lovely! 

Aether (grins at Charlotte)

Awee, thanks for having us!

Ajax (waves at the camera)

Let’s hope we meet again for another interview!

Zhongli 

Soon. Hopefully. Thank you, and have a good day everyone. 

Xiao

Mmh, bye. 

(screen fades out for a few seconds as the cast wave at the camera smiling, before you can hear someone talk in the background)

Xiao

Ajax, you better delete that singing video, otherwise you’re dead meat–

Bonus behind the scenes (leaked by yours truly, Keqing <3)

—

[ Attached : a picture of Zhongli, Aether, Ninnguang, Ajax, and Ganyu looking like soaked and pitiful wet rats as they throw up a peace sign at the camera. All looking beyond exhausted ]

Caption : How come I wasn’t invited for that anime beach scene? I feel sad and left out — Keqing:3

—

Aether and Zhongli

“Ah it seems I do not have mora.. Traveler would you be kind enough to–”

“Fuck off, get your fatuus wallet to get you mora.”

“That wasn't part of the script.”

“CUT! AETHER PLEASE, THIS IS THE 4TH TIME IN A ROW.”

“Sorry….”

—

Ajax and Zhongli

“I can't believe I was betrayed by someone whom I thought of as a friend. Was everything just a lie?”

“Hmm.”

“Xiansheng?”

“Hmmm.”

“Hello?? Earth to Zhongli??? Did you just zone out?”

“CUT! Zhongli, you can stare at Ajax’s ass, chest, waist, all you want but later. Please.”

“What–”

—

Xiao and Aether

“Madame Ping gave me a teapot. Umm..”

“Ah yes.. So I heard.”

“I’d like it if you’d come over once, maybe tonight– for dinner y’know?”

“Of course, you just need to call out my name.”

Someone yells off camera

“WHY DON’T YOU JUST STAY FOREVER?”

“Hu Tao, please be quiet!!!”

“Boohoo, I just wanted to do that Mulan scene. You’re no fun, fatui boy.”

“CUTTTTTTTTT!!! You rascals, go away!!! It’s not even your scene right now.”

[maidstew]

Since you're still thinking about it, open invitation to talk about Festus/Felix sad tragic love story?

why thank you abyssal 😌

i was listening to clips of noah kahan’s new song while half awake last night and i was unfortunately plagued by thoughts of my tragic gays.

i’m going to put all of this under the cut because…yeah i think most people probably are not that interested in a line-by-line breakdown of noah kahan’s new (and unreleased) song + sad gays.

okay, for those of you who are willing to entertain my nonsense! i see different parts of the song as different perspectives of the two boys.

festus creed

I can’t recall the last time that we talked

‘Bout anything but looking out for cops

We got cigarette burns on the same side of our hands, but we ain’t friends

We’re just morons who broke skin in the same spot

festus & felix has a long history together but by this point they’ve grown apart. in this moment (that i’ve completely made up and forced the lyrics to fit), they’re together after a long time of not speaking. i like to imagine that it’s sometime right before festus’s and persephone’s wedding.

But I’ve never seen you take a turn that wide

And I’m high enough to still care if I die

felix is reckless with his emotions and begging festus to change his mind- and festus is still too conscious of his image and family pressure to give in.

Well, I’ve tried to read the thoughts that you’d worked overtime to stop

You said, “fuck off”, and I said nothing for a while

festus doesn’t understand why felix is so upset about the situation. to him, it seems obvious that they can just continue their relationship privately. felix has a bad habit of spiraling and won’t let festus in.

You know I think about you all the time

And my deep misunderstanding of your life

And how bad it must have been for you back then

And how hard it was to keep it all inside

i think this is festus further in the future looking back after he’s learned some ravinstill secrets from being in snow’s inner circle. festus is realizing that he didn’t really understand what felix’s life was like or just how much he was willing to risk for festus.

felix ravinstill

I hope you settle down, I hope you marry rich

I hope you’re scared of only ordinary shit

Like murderers and ghosts and cancer on your skin

And not your soul and what He might do with it

this is felix after he and festus stopped seeing each other. festus is going to marry persephone and is working closely with snow, whose political career is looking promising. felix knows that snow plans to become president.

felix also knows just how dark being the president- and being close to the president- can be. he’s heard the hushed conversations of things that go on in the capitol and panem as a whole. and he hopes that since he can’t save festus from this path, he at least isn’t haunted by the political choices and actions made the way felix was.

You inched yourself across the great divide

While we drove aimlessly along the Twin State line

I heard nothing but the bass in every ballad that you’d play

While you swore to God the singer read your mind

this is when felix and festus are still together but festus is slowly pulling away. and felix isn’t understanding why festus is doing it because he’s only focused on what he believes festus to be feeling and not what festus is actually saying and doing.

But the world is scared of hesitating things

Yeah, they only shoot the birds who cannot sing

And I’m finally aware of how shitty and unfair

It was to stare ahead like everything was fine

felix is realizing how unfair it was to keep trying to push their relationship and pretend like everything is and would continue to be fine when festus was clearly struggling with all of it.

felix ravinstill

Rage

In small ways

Did you wish that I could know?

festus creed

You’d fade

To some place

I wasn’t brave enough to go

both festus and felix are reflecting of their relationship and where things went wrong. for felix, he is looking back and realizing all the signs that he had missed from festus. for festus, he is realizing just how much he was asking from felix in wanting to have his cake and eat it too.

felix ravinstill

I hope you threw a brick right into that stained glass

I hope you’re with someone who isn’t scared to ask

I hope you’re not losing sleep about what’s next

Or about about your soul and what He might do with it

felix is again thinking about where festus is heading in terms of his career and politics. he’s holding out hope that festus will do what felix always loved about him- fight back. he sees where snow is going and he hears rumors of gauls plans and he hopes that festus will use his position to fight back against it all and make panem better.

felix is hoping that snow won’t take festus and turn him into something twisted like he’s seen from his great-uncle’s associates in the past. basically, felix is hoping that festus holds onto his humanity and remains a good person.

[jeetardgoneyolo]

First post. No further elaboration. Coz why?

Just kidding. I am here to talk today....or to vent, more precisely.

JEE is hard. It's ridiculous. But what's even more ridiculous are the expectations, the burden of honor, and the fear of disappointment and despair ingrained into our values caused due to our inability to cope with the extraordinary expectations, after we get into the toppers group.

I worked hard to get into the 'good kids' group. Then I got demotivated after a single failure coz I'm fucking weak, and now am procrastinating.

"Plenty of people finished 11 and 12 in class 9 and 10. They only practice and take mock tests for the 2 years of secondary higher education. So if you don't atleast finish 12 within 11, you'll never crack JEE. And anything without IIT CSE is meaningless when you are in JEE." —Mom

"You can't even rank first in the small area that we live in? What are you gonna do in JEE where competition is at national level?" —Mom, after I scored 207/300 and ranked 6th at my local coaching centre in my first JEE Main Mock test with Kinematics, mole concept, periodic table, trigonometry as topics.

And the thing is, I can't even protest her words, after all, the 1st rank scored 264 and the 2nd rank scored 246. With such a huge difference, I can't even argue. Since more is expected from me as I am supposedly a kid who is wasting away my potential as a someone who can become a JEE top ranker.

"What? You only answered 252? You couldn't even answer 300? You know right how much your marks will be considering your poor 90% accuracy rate? It will go down to minimum of 220s. I am quite disappointed."

This is the 2nd mock test I am talking about, the result hasn't been declared yet. But this exam was said to be especially hard with the insanely tough maths section and mid hard chem questions. The 1st ranker dude from last time answered 230s this time, and the 2nd ranker answered 256. The 3rd ranker, who is actually one of the best prospect in our entire class 11 batch in the whole state, answered 284 but he's quite sad because apparently he will get a lot of negatives. I am expecting 3rd or 2nd rank this time but I think life's gonna gimme lemons as always.

This is what I go through as a JEE aspirant. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. It's toxic at this point. I am in a rat race that I can't even escape like in other countries, considering even self help opportunities such as working at fast food chains or something, for minors here are considered trash of the society. We aren't free here, we don't have the opportunity to experience the world and explore my options to find out what I am good at. There's only three options. Doctor, engineer, lawyer. This might sound funny because of the stereotype vids on YouTube about Asians. But it's not funny. Many of us can't handle the pressure and commit suicide. Kota, a city in Rajasthan known for being a hotspot of coaching centres, is also stereotyped for being the Indian version of Japan's suicide forest, except it's exclusively for kids. Others go to depression and fall into the abyss of gambling and drugs.

The education system here has lost it's purpose. It has become an elitist system where the only way of survival is either your own talent or your backing. If you don't have either, you're better off being a lowest ranking member of the society succumbing to the higher ranks.

1:46 AM in the morning, I am sitting here writing this post thinking if anybody could say something that would turn my life around. This is more of a silent cry for help instead of something new to share with the world. I am sitting here in vain thinking there might be some magic trick to success here when I deep down know there doesn't exist one. And thus, I fall into this deep rabbit hole, all in my know. I want to stop this spiraling vortex of abyss inside myself that is erasing my existence. But I'm not trying. It's as if I have been mentally and spiritually paralysed.

I have realised something as conclusion. Life is drowning in reality, but the hellish standards that we have here in India are the sandbags that are tied to our feet in this already suffocative water, with no end of depth, we keep drowning and going deeper and deeper. I'm not happy. I want to break out. But I can't. This is painful. I hope it stops. But again, I know it won't, resulting in only pushing myself deeper into the abyss because of my hope being shattered. Hope is becoming dangerous by the day for me.

Am I the only one?

[gazingatmydoom]

i think i actually went through the five stages of grief just now finishing one shot. or. one sec

ok not all five but i definitely hit at least three, maybe four of them. counting. like. oneshot is a fucking amazing game but i'm also gonna talk about DEPRESSION AS WELL WHAMO

long vent post below the cut idm if u read it but it's super long lol so yeah

cos like. that was the most. mm. it was the most difficulty i've had making a descsion that i was involved in emotionally. ig the ending of oneshot was like pretty much 100% "how much do u care about this vs this" thing so like entirely emotionally charged but idk it had me yk. and i was sitting on the toilet taking a whizz as one does after condemning ur best friend catperson ever forever to an eternal life in a world they don't belong to. and i was thinking right, that's probably the saddest i've felt playing a game since i finished titanfall 2 in early 2020. estimating. might've been 2019 idk. and now i don't remember if i played any other particularly sad games between tf|2 and oneshot but i doubt i didn't and if i'm running on things i'm assuming about the depression i'm assuming i had (which i am) then memory loss was a big part of it. cos i god damned do not remember fuck shit ass from the past few years. and i was thinking hey MAYBE the reason i haven't been that sad about any game (in memory) is because i was simply too depressed to give a rats ass.

i mean there's one game ig which is hollow knight and i felt sad when i got the sealed siblings ending but. if i'm being honest alot of the strong emotions i had with that game felt very forced. that's one thing i can remember quite well actually and no i don't know why, but when i felt sad when i watched the siblings curl up and go back down to the bottom of the abyss, it felt like i was trying to push my heart down it didn't feel like it was sinking on it's own.

ok the more i'm talking about it the more i'm thinking i'm bullshitting but idk. idk! the idea that i had depression and quite possibly might still have it is takign over my mind everytime i react with alot of emotion to something. which is happening at an increased rate in the past few months, and has barely happened at all in the past three years.

it makes me think ig. like i got mad at niko and the author and the entity for making *me* make this decision, when in my opinion, it really should've been niko's to make. and i somehow thought niko was going to make it! i was so sure they would i was like ye ok niko ima break this to u and then i need u to sit and think about it and i need u to know i will support u no matter WHAT u choose it's ok and i love u. and then they're like "what should i do bestie?" AS IF THAT'S MY DECISION TO MAKE????? it caught me off guard yk and i didn't cry or scream or freak out but i'd be lying if i said it made me think and feel in ways that feel new or fresh, but not brand new just like ahh i forgot what this was like new. if i ever felt them at all.

i swear sometimes it does feel like the second i gained any ability to think somewhat for myself (which sounds stupid but trust me this was mid teens for me) i started spiralling. so idk yk. i lost where i was going with this uuuuhhhhhhhh. but who cares. this is a vent post(?) so it doesn't matter if i finish it. that word keeps coming up tho i don't wanna say it again. the depress. the deps. depths. dark souls. i keep thinking of it. it keeps coming back to me and bouncing around my head like "hey maybe *this* is why what ur feeling or thinking or doing rn feels super weird and alien to u" cos that feeling keeps coming back yk. i can feel it coming back less and less in past days tho and that's not to say i'm getting used to experiencing new things but it might be to say i'm sinking back down. not sure tho!

just added a read more link idk if it worked i've never used one before but it just struck me how long this post is now lmao and i don't wanna bother the two people who might see this.

but ye shit has been wild and by that i mean crazy and by that i mean i've begun feeling emotions again and it's been fucking me up to varying degrees! side not like dungeon meshi has made me cry everytime a new episode comes out i fucking like. like yes it's good but it's also me being passionate about something. the last thing i was passionate about i would say was hollow knight i used to cry all the time watching silksong trailers and listening to the bonebottom ost sample but i tell u when that was. that stopped happening around mid 2020. yo am i dating my depression rn. early to mid 2020 that must've been it that must've been the start. which makes sense cos i think that was also when i left college and therefore stopped going outside at all ever. i got a job about a year after but it was shit and i hated it and i cried at work so i quit. found a new one a month or so later and i'm still there today. they're good there and i like it. it's still the only reason i go out which i don't think is healthy but. it's something. i was invited out for activites earlier today and i said yes. that's another first in a long time that was the first yes i've given in fucking ages. i don't think i have anything to wear oh christ. i need to buy some clothes. god. ok getting into personal life more than personal feelings and that's not what i want to include on this blog. we talk about FEELINGS here not EVENTS.

but ye uh. ig to conclude depression (if i ever had it (i'm only saying that cos i was never officially diagnosed i'm like 99% sure it was there)) i forgot where this sentence was going. ig to conclude, depression. yeah. stay hydrated kids

[serxen6pity]

be careful with my heart

Pair: Navia/Wriothesley

Genre: crack, angst, with a heavy reference from Indonesian Genshin Impact fandom discourse

Today was supposed to be a good day, but apparently it was not. Good day turned into bad day because Navia had just been dumped by her (ex)boyfriend, Panjul. When Panjul texted Navia this morning to ask her to have a dinner at Mbok Berek Restaurant, Navia thought Panjul would propose her with marriage. But alas, Panjul ended their one year relationship because he fell in love with his coworker, Ying'er. Navia was angry.

Navia sighed, maybe it's time for her to move on and find a real gentleman. When she mindlessly scrolled her twitter page, something caught her attention.

"babufess: hi anyone willing to be my friend and maybe co-op partner. I go by he/him, already in my legal age (27 years old), Alhaitham main and AR 60. Mother first, you second. Love racing through the night with my supra."

Navia was interested with the anonymous message sent on Babufess, especially the supra part because she also owned a supra that she called "sweety". She immediately typed "HIT ME UP" on the reply and patiently waited for the response. Not until one minute, her phone showed a notification.

"Wrioteles followed you."

Without further a do, Navia hit "follow back" button. She was so excited and curious about this wrioteles account, and looked forward to interacting with him.

One day she stumbled upon wrioteles' tweet.

"Hi, does anyone want their spiral abyss piloted by me? free of charge of course ;)"

Navia replied to his post:

"Me!!!"

One hour later, a notification popped out from her phone.

'wrioteles sent you a message'

"Hi Navia. Can you send me your details?"

"Sure!! Here's my ID!"

Navia sent her email and password of Genshin Impact to wrioteles. Wrioteles then asked her to wait while he did her spiral abyss. Navia was happy. Maybe this wrioteles dude was the right guy for her. Who knows?

Two hours later, Navia was still waiting, but there's no follow up response from him.

Three hours, she decided to ask him. "Hi, are you done with my spiral abyss?"

No response. Navia thought that this dude was tired and he got to sleep early, so she just brushed it off. She would text him next morning.

Next morning, Navia woke up early to do his daily commissions in Genshin. But when she tapped in login screen, it said that username and password error. Navia panicked. She couldn't login to her account. She then text this wrio dude.

"The fuck you're doing to my accout?? I need explanation!!"

But she was blocked instead. Navia screamed. It never crossed her mind that she got scammed by a stranger in genshintwt.

FIN

[snowpeawritings]

Rant abt genshin impact and its the shittiest gacha game ive played utc

Im so sorry for literally anyone whos tired of me posting genshin stuff but im still fucking salty abt this game--

I get that this game is made in china and that china is full of whales who are willing to pay so much for a specific character but can't they have more roll currency to give to the player base?

Daily comms cant even let u do one roll u literally have to do the same thing for 2-3 days for a single roll. Achievement hunting is as dry as diluc's sense of humor. Seize the day is an event only thing and not a daily log in reward. Primogems are a scarce resource and literally the ONLY place u can HOPE to get more than enough for a single pull is when mihoyo does maintenance.

And do NOT get me started on the banners. Ur telling me, right of the bat, at release, theyre putting out limited 5* and have the rest of the new 4* be in the standard pool?? Ur telling me that a game that hasnt been established that long already has limited units that people WANT to spend on but literally no one can unless theyre a fucking whale??

U can grind and exert as much effort all u can but if all ur getting is so little return, why even bother putting limited units????

Sorry for the random rant but like,,,,, this game is so bad compared to other gacha games ive played but fuck it if my addiction for hot dudes and hot women have anything to say about it

Anyway, thanks for putting up with this if any of u were curious. Heres the post that really grinded my fucking gears abt this game so i got really mad and had to vent

[baeshijima]

𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫!𝐚𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐝𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐲/𝐧

A/N : i have nothing to say other than the fact there will be an excessive amount of twitch slang bc why tf not + just,,, heavy streamer!albedo brainrot ;-;

masterlist

AIGHT

streamer albedo

…

pog—

so before we get into him being whipped for u, let’s go over the type of strimmer mr Kreideprinz is

fun fact that’s his twitch name—

albedo would be the type to do lots of variety streams of different games, but also the occasional art one if he wants to have a chill stream with his chat !!

speaking of chat… they’re an odd mix of wholesome supporters, KAPPA + POGGERS + catJAM (bc he always has some bangers on in the bg like yes u bless our ears my guy) + KEKW + EZ Clap + his own emotes spammers, mr albedo’s very own shrimps (me, ahEm—), and ppl who just appreciate his voice + gameplay

if there’s a troll he just bans them OMEGALUL

omg he has lots of emotes (which he made in some of his art streams so his viewers could choose some) for every scenario but we’ll get into the popular ones in a bit 👁👁

he’s most definitely one of the bigger, well-known streamers but with a smaller group of friends

his discord server has,,, a lot of ppl,,, 70k+ ppl big,,, rip notifs if ur in it ;-;

he has it muted tho 🐥 like, sir, that’s ur server pay the goddamn price smh

wait i forgot to mention this but he has his webcam on when streaming

so u can bet ur chickens that when ppl come to visit his stream bc of whatever category he has on, they stay for his visuals and voice <33

his twt 🤡 mans gets 1k+ likes, rts, comments within the first 5-10 mins

omg he gets soft when he receives sm support from his community 🥺🥺

gifts so many subs when hitting milestones, chat is wholesome or just whenever really HJKSDHKL 

also doesn’t swear much unless he gets played by his own game and/or someone is being incredibly annoying <//3

he also just,,, eats on stream

albedo straight up takes his webcam with him to show him cooking if his viewers ask for it

or he just orders food then and there and eats while chatting to everyone or watching youtube with his chat 🥺

nOW ONTO HIM BEING WHIPPED FOR U AS A GENSHIN STREAMER

this AR55 man 👩‍🦯

he can literally produce content from anything

from artifact farming, to spiral abyss, to running around mindlessly, to building characters he would normally never build, to him seeing how high up is considered too high to dive

and everyone eats it up bc it’s albedo <3

also !! he’s the type who includes the story quests in his streams so his reaction and thoughts on everything is just,,, there

now when u were first introduced in the prologue (yes ur one of the ogs + involved in the dvalin fight <33) he blanked and all his viewers could see was u on screen with him staring blankly in the bottom right of the screen

this man straight up saw u in a cutscene for one second and fell in love

his chat went wild omfg

he immediately made an emote for u and that’s his most popular one 😌

but i kid u not, the moment u appeared in that cutscene (one in which he will forever treasure in the crevices of his heart) was the moment he asked this exact question ;

“ so (y/n) banner when? ” 

and mihoyo heard his pleas and answered with ur event banner 

except it was like,, 4 months later 

at least ur finally here tho :’)

now he can have his lil science-y moments with ur voicelines ;-;

yes, ur the chief alchemist but ✨ 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 ✨

. . .

shut up

n e who

when he saw the notification from mihoyo’s official forums that u will be a playable character in the new update — along with new characters, region, events & a domain — i shit u not he did a rt, his own tweet, an announcement on the community feature on youtube, and made constant reminders to his viewers on twitch abt how he will be a (y/n) haver no matter what

he even added future (y/n) haver in his twt display name

what a shrimp—

the 1.2 update stream 🐥 he was there waiting for it to go live with like,,, 19k viewers spamming his chat abt predictions and obv ur official release + showcase

and when i say this man fell even more in love while watching ur trailer and character showcase 🥺 he wouldn’t stop smiling or being in awe bc ur just??? so stunning???

mihoyo clearly has a favourite child and it’s u

chat was spamming ur exclusive emote like crazy oml

u can bet it was also flooded with lots of POGs and POGGERS 

overall it was a very fun, chaotic stream filled with lots of (y/n) appreciation and love <33

also a very memorable stream for all his viewers bc of the side of albedo they rarely see unless ur involved

the day ur banner was to go live tho 🐥

the streams leading up to the fateful day consisted of him farming ur mats 

that’s it

boss runs, local specialties, hero wits, talent books, the mats needed for ur weapon he was inevitably going to pull for (only the best for the best, afterall) and many domain runs

many painful domain runs

all of it was worth it tho bc ur worth everything :’)

an actual quote said by him—

at least he can get u and ur weapon to lvl 90 right off the bat with all the artifacts tailored for u ;-;

and get u to that point he did HJSDKJF

once ur banner dropped? immediately started wishing

2 multis in and he gets u 😣

albedo nearly cried and was the literal embodiment of head in hands

wHEN I SAY HIS CHAT BLEW TF UP AND HIS MODS JOINED IN

modCheck has left the chat

everyone’s rooting for him :’)

pulled for ur weapon and got it in 1 multi

sir give me ur luck pls and ty

but yes he nearly choked on the gASP he let out while chat screamed even more

he blanked for a bit, i won’t lie ;-;

but when he realised this was real, he immediately went to his party set up and put u in

can we all get an f in the chat for his lvl 10 tartaglia 😔💔👊

his chat usually rages at him to build him but if he’s being honest, he cba

ur vl when he put u in the party tho <333

now he’s just spent half an hour running around with u, letting u do ur idle animations (will always be grateful for mihoyo creating u like this), reading ur very limited (for now—) character story and going through ur voicelines 

ur morning & about us (when he unlocks it) voiceline >>>>> his heart be running laps rn i swear

eventually he does begin to build u after much admiration on his end and at lvl 1 with lvl 20 artifacts, u already have 1.6k atk 🐥

now after he levels u and ur weapon to lvl 90, u have 2.8k atk 🐥

rip mobs <//3

he now plays u as his main dps 😌

the kit initially designed for u is meant to be more for support?? kinda like the whole ganyu or zhongli debate abt them being a dps or a support/sub dps ;-;

except ur more utility like venti or bennett

and even though the majority said at the beginning (aka, mihoyo, pretty much any other streamer and the larger part of the fanbase) that ur meant for support, he said fuck that and built u as his main dps

and i won’t lie, u do more damage than any of his characters, and ppl who co op with him

ur his pride and joy :’)

he went to take a look at ur consts to see if they were worth the rng suffering and, lo-and-behold,

they were

so now he’s using all his saved primos for u to try and get ur c6 const, along with making ur weapon r5 :’)

his chat gets a free view of him internally suffering when the gold light doesn’t come, and his external suffering when he loses the 50/50

in the end, he decided to whale for u <33

after nearly an hour, he has u to c6 and ur weapon to r5 ;-;

now all he’s been doing the whole stream is running around with u in open world, doing his daily farming, doing more domain and boss runs, exploring the new region (dragonspine) + ur story quest

he’s saving the event quest for another stream bc ✨content✨ 

in ur quest, he had multiple heart attacks and now has many, many screenshots <3

he now has a zoomed in pic of ur face as his twt pfp <33

okay so i also feel like he’s not all that bothered abt getting characters to friendship level 10 immediately and would rather let it happen through time

but obv ur not any other character *proceeds to debby ryan at u*

even if ur not fit for a particular domain or boss, he still puts u in the party so when collecting the blossom/rewards, u can get the friendship exp ;-;

he just wants ur name card so he can show off okay 🥺

when he lets his viewers pick out the playlist, 98% of the songs are from ur character demo theme 

they just know him so well 😩

they also just wanna see the way he smiles when he hears it play but shhhhhh

now he just has his in-game avatar as u, and ur namecard too <33

also his signature is just ;

“ (y/n)’s favourite streamer ”

[rinzis]

what your favourite genshin impact character says about you: no holding back edition

i’m finally allowed to post again!!! great joy

aether/lumine: you’re basic as hell sorry . also stop fighting over who the better twin is they’re literally the same person but different genders. you’re pretty fun to be around ig but i feel like you eat food off the floor. 5 second rule not 5 hour rule ok

amber: ok i’ve actually met a bunch of people whose fav is amber and you guys are actually really sweet but pls learn when to stfu you’re so loud . also you guys go feral whenever someone (everyone else in the fandom) says amber sucks like chill bae

kaeya: jesus fucking christ your horny is off the scale. every kaeya stan i’ve ever met cant keep it in their pants. and we know the only reason you like him is bc of his giga bouncer supreme ultra man rack 3000. stop saying you want him to smother you with his tits. get some help.

lisa: YOU GUYS ARE COOL AS HELL!!!!!! as someone who relates to lisa you’re very cool. most chill people to be around and you’re definitely super smart. not lazy but just reserved. 11/10. oh btw do you use her for climbing?

diluc: do you have daddy issues? you guys definitely have a thing for the tsundere archetype and you probably like zhongli too. just admit you want diluc to do the kabedon thing on you and move on. we know what you’re like. also how does it feel being so short? i swear every diluc stan is small as hell

jean: YOU GUYS are so sweet pls whenever i play co op with a jean main it’s just like wow you’re so strong and nice and thanks for healing my entire team wow........ however although you’re so responsible you probably enjoy cancelling people on twitter for fun . sorry

venti: VENTI STANS. I LOVE YOU. is it partially because i myself am a huge venti stan? yeah no. you probably missed out on his first banner and are saving for his rerun..... same......... anyways you guys give off the best vibes n it’s always so fun to be with you. i love you all

razor: i have one question for you guys . did you either like warrior cats or were you a wolf kid?

albedo: you guys are so smart wtf !!!!!!!!! you’re so rational in co op mode too and if you have albedo you probably use him as a sub dps for your teammates bc you’re so good at reading situations........ then again you also have some weird shit going on like cmon it’s milk after cereal you psychopaths

sucrose: you either kin sucrose or are creepy sorry . ok but she’s so underrated like her passive 3........ WOAH.............. you definitely use her in spiral abyss,,, also are you a burnout successful kid who used to kiss teachers’ asses and middle school was a breeze before getting to college/university and realising that professors don’t give a shit anymore? wow who would have guessed

diona: wannabe catgirls assemble! please move on from your warrior cats phase you’re almost as bad as the razor stans but you’re adorable too. you probably want qiqi or klee but don’t have them so you’re settling for diona

barbara: thanks for healing my team in co op barbara stans !!!! you guys are genuinely so nice omg thank you for being so reliable all the time,,, do you highlight your notes so it’s more art than notes? yeah that’s what i thought

mona: ok if no one else is gonna say it i will,,, no one understands shit about your astrology thing going on. i’m a caprisun? great

bennett: YOURE ALL ADORABLE. thanks for helping us out in co op!!!! you definitely advocate for bennett rights and yes pls do,,,, we all love benny deep down!!!! you either don’t have him or have him at like C218372

fischl: jojo stans

just kidding but you all probably act like fischl irl. also did you have an emo phase

klee: ok if your favourite is klee you definitely don’t have her . waiting patiently for klee’s rerun!!!! shes just so adorable and so are you guys,,,,, so fun to be around !!!!! you probably have diluc and hate him

noelle: you guys....... the rarest of the rare. you love trying to convince people that she’s a great healer dps n everything else...... no bae you probably use her because you like geo and claymores like hmm yes i will now hit things hard with my big sword and rock power

ok onto liyue now sweats nervously

childe: you guys are ALL simps. ALL OF YOU. go n touch some grass bro!!!!! you either think he’s super sexy or you bully him and make the ed sheeran jokes (not funny) . you follow griffin burns on tiktok too dont you

zhongli: you either love him for his gentle demeanour or you want him for his fat giga dumptruck 3000. make up your minds!!!!! you guys are so clueless in co op mode but you’re hilarious. you probably have his energy recharge at like 200% so you can use his ult and hear I WILL HAVE ORDER every 4 seconds

xiao: STOP GROWLING AT PEOPLE. every xiao main is so aggressive not joking . yeah the only reason you saved for him is because you want to stare at him all day n listen to him growling . you guys genuinely scare me . no he would not hold ur hand and do cute things with you,,,,,, if given half the chance he’d probably decapitate you

ningguang: alright jeff bezos, hand over the cash. yeah so you’re either rolling in it or want to be her sugar baby. but you guys have such an intimidating aura like playing with ning mains is just .... you always build her so well she’s an absolute tank!!!!!! thanks for scaring the shit out of me but also protecting me

beidou: YOU GUYS. you’re fun to be around but i also feel like you could probably destroy me in 3 seconds flat !!!!!!!! do you hate diluc too? i love playing with you guys because all i hear is TO ASHES every 2 seconds and she’s just cool as hell so yeah i really like beidou stans. i feel like you all have her so congrats

qiqi: you’re so cute,,,,, best healer !!!! you probably love playing qiqi because her skills look so cool and you prefer playing heal/support,, if you don’t have her you just love her bc she’s so tiny . spoiler alert but do you have a thing against xiao for killing her lol

xiangling: you’re so chaotic help,, you definitely pair her with xinyan too because you give off the most uncontrollable vibes,,,,,,, did you level her to use her in the spiral abyss or do you just think polearms are neat and don’t have xiao or zhongli

xinyan: please reread xiangling paragraph but replace polearm with claymore . you like either bring me the horizon or bubblegum pop there’s no in between

chongyun: you’re all the nicest people ever and you’re so chill . you love chongyun with your whole hearts and i adore you !!!!!! the animation of him eating the popsicle melts your hearts (no pun intended) and you just think he’s really cool :( ily all

xingqiu: chongyun vibes but make it kinda unnerved . burnout successful kids 2.0 ,,,,, are you clever too? you also love xingqiu and believe he’s worthy of being a 5 star with his heal and damage reduce !!!!! he’s so helpful wtf and so are you . please stop going on about his legs though it’s highkey weird asf

keqing: COOL PERSON SYNDROME! i main this gal so i love you all . do you get as mad as i do when people say she doesn’t deserve to be a 5 star? yeah . are you a procrastinator and try and take lessons from keqing but are just so lazy? do you use her teleport because you can’t be bothered to climb mountains? yeah that’s what i thought

ganyu: you’re all the nicest people alive and i adore you all . thanks for being so kind in co op mode . every ganyu main i’ve met is so sweet and you’re all so powerful too woah....... you hate the cocogoat jokes too >:( pls mihoyo give her more attention !!!!!

scaramouche: you have rights guys we know you exist. also we know you want him to be playable. we know that you think his hat is neat. we know you love this shawty but please be quiet.

signora: wait you guys exist

hu tao: you prank people for fun like pls stop im so on edge when youre around . plus i feel you laugh at videos of babies falling over n shit,,,,,,, you cant wait for her banner but also please shut the fuck up

dainsleif: please leave me the fuck alone we did 1 (one) quest with him and you’re all obsessed with him . ok second hand dmitri from fire emblem you want a medal for being a fucking simp?

[reidingdays]

the first 3 minutes of zugzwang: an ESSAY nobody asked for and i mean an essay the english student really jumped out on this one lads

this scene is arguably the best acting i’ve seen matthew gray gubler ever do and it’s JUST HIM STANDING IN A PARK

so we start in a park, there’s soft music and to me it sounds academic and whimsical, optimistic like you’ve got all the world’s puzzles to explore and endless time to do it in. it’s something straight out of a beautiful mind. it’s autumn, warm colours abound and the cosy vibes continue as spencer’s in good spirits and a warm jacket

he looks happy!!! peaceful!! content!!! treasure that with me, will you

the music reaches a higher key as he dials maeve’s number and he’s making little chhhh chhh chuu noises, singing his own song under his breath in his own little world, the picture of ease, as he calls and immediately hangs up to let her know it’s only him, not her stalker. his movements are light and fluid and given his aversion to technology and germs he doesn’t falter once as he dials on this very public phone box

he sighs because he’s done this a thousand times over but it’s not a sad sigh. it seems kind of like acceptance, as if he’s made peace with the situation and he’s in it for the long haul. it's simply routine. he instinctively - subconsciously?? - reaches for his satchel like a safety blanket, like a reminding reassurance that this is working, she’s safe, and he looks EXCITED while awaiting her call back

he even walks a few steps away, shoves his hands in his pockets, turns away from the phone box, because he knows she’ll call back. there’s no anxiety there, no pressure to stare at the thing until it rings. he trusts her. as he looks around the park he continues the chhh chh chhhh noises, admiring the scene passively among nose scrunches because this is just another liminal space, another random phone box, on his journey to be with maeve

when the phone rings, boy damn near gives himself WHIPLASH look at that hair flip!!!! majestic!!! he couldn’t care LESS about the beautiful park he wants to talk to maeve!!

after he practically dives on top of the phone box, he answers with a jaunty lil “hellooOOOoOO!!” and just look at the mischief on that there face. his eyes are squinted because he’s ready to tease and debate obscure literary theories. there’s the hint of a smirk. he’s playful, ready and willing to hang on her every word, and then the happy whimsical walk in the park music CUTS OUT

CUTS RIGHT OUT

in literally 0.03 seconds his face goes from mischevious lil puppy!!!!!!! to oh shit this isn’t right this isn’t maeve. a collect call from adam worth means danger. his head snaps up, there’s tension in his neck how the hell and his eyebrows are pulled down, eyes wider and can’t focus on anything, BOTH hands clutching the phone and pressing it so close to his face as if doing that could help him concentrate

the operator tells him to pay 2 dollars to hear the call and he freezes then JERKS his body back from the abyss his mind is so clearly spiraling down, like he has to remind his limbs to work. he smacks his arm against the phone box but doesn’t even register it. my bet is he whacked his funny bone and we all know that hurts like the DICKENS and there's still zero reaction. his pain is irrelevant. his breathing is loud and ragged, offbeat and unnerving against the Dramatic Violins, he scrabbles through his satchel with absolutely no regard for it at all because it’s in the WAY, hair falls in his face, then he just RIPS the bag off his person like it’s rubbish

tips out its contents like a man possessed. we’re talking books on books on books. and spencer loves books.

it’s a desperate bid to find enough change to pay for the call. like this guy is a germaphobe. he’s on his KNEES in a public park on a well trodden footpath with a manky phone still glued to his ear, all his possessions are now covered in god knows what, his beloved satchel is cast aside like litter, he’s not even looking at where is hand is in germ city because he’s staring the phone box out in case, knowing his luck, it sets on fire

all his movements are frantic and jagged and, yes, spencer isn’t known for being a swan but he’s also not a jerky marionette. he staggers upright and shoves his change into the phone box, impatiently pushes his hair out of his face to no avail and he’s blinking like five times more than before

the intonation of “hello i’m still here” OH GOD it is spoken completely monotone which is beyond out of character, going to show just how!!! unnerved!!!! he is!!!! happy joyful jaunty hellooOOoOs are long forgotten. he doesn’t have time for emotion which again is SO UNSETTLING THIS IS SPENCER REID KING OF EMOTION. the next scene with hotch is when he allows emotion to seep back into his voice, but right now, alone and responsible, he has to block it out. each word is rushed together to get them out faster the SECOND the call connects and when it does, we hear zugzwang. he steadies himself with another breath and not to be as Dramatic as the violins but his eyes go hard?? because he knows the meaning of that word and infers bad things are about to happen because bad things just follow him around.

he looks up because how the hell can this be happening WE WERE SO CAREFUL. he almost definitely thought through every potential threat and every precaution made wasn’t enough. his entire face screams desperation, denial, guilt, what the fuck. it’s like he gives himself one split second of panic, pain, doubt and fear but then he shuts it out. you can see his brain kick back in when he asks “sorry can you please repeat that?” in order to engage with whoever this is because maybe that will help? because being polite and soft spoken is his strength AND ALWAYS WILL BE (i digress). but the reply is another zugzwang. farewell happy peaceful and content spencer you lasted literally 21 seconds

and then he pulls THIS face out of his arsenal and you just know spencer isn’t going to get a happy ending because he never does and what better way to destroy the character development of both spencer and maeve, the woman that was created simply to be murdered and SCENE

[vibing-and-writing]

kidnapping scenarios

A/N: hey! so one day I was super inspired and wanted to write a series of scenarios with genshin impact characters.... but i feel like if I’ve lost some inspiration for it so I decided I’m just gonna post the two I have finished!! also these are both suuuppper self indulgent but i had a lot of fun wrtiting these!! the traveler is also gender neutral ;3 i’ve never written for Kaeya so I hope its not too ooc. as always feedback is appreciated! hope you enjoy ;0

Summary: A drabble based on how Diluc and Kaeya would react if they found out you got kidnapped by Abyss Mages! 

Warnings: | Kaeya: a lil angsty, depiction of a panic attack | Diluc: N/A |

- Diluc  Ragnvindr-

It was supposed to be a simple commission. “I’ll be back before sundown!” you yelled over your shoulder as you walked out of the tavern. 

“Sundown” his ass. 

Diluc had been waiting for you for four hours pacing around the tavern until he couldn’t take it anymore. “They’re a really good fighter,” he told himself, “they probably got lost again.” But the reassurance was in vain. The moon was high in the sky and there was no sign of you anywhere in Mondstat. Chugging the last bit of alcohol, Diluc picks up his weapon and packs some food for the road, and sets off to go find you himself. 

When he goes to your commission location, the only thing left is a demolished hilichurl village, parts of the huts aflame and sword marks up and down the archery towers. But he does notice one thing. It’s so minute, Diluc almost walked right over it. There is the faint elemental trace in a circular shape. An abyss mage. With their teleporting ability, it was probably easy for them to overwhelm you with hilichurls before trekking you off to some far off base. Diluc can feel the anger and disappointment coursing through him. Anger for how the Fatui could touch a hair on your precious head and being disappointed in himself for not looking for you sooner. He had failed as a protector of Modstadt’s people, and he’d burn anyone that gets in his way to find you. Hell has no fury like an angry Diluc and it only took him half an hour to track where they took you.

Sneaking behind the bushes, Diluc can see you tied by rope covered in ice, struggling to get free. The abyss mage’s voice is shrill and echoes through the camp of hilichurl minions. “What are you planning, traveler? You know you are not from this world.” Diluc can see you roll your eyes, your body shaking. “I already told you I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you answered, your voice unwavering but hoarse. Diluc props his sword up next to him from the bush. Your gaze snaps to the gleam in the bushes before moving back to the abyss mage. Luckily, the abyss mage doesn’t notice and shoves his staff near your throat. “Don’t play games with me, traveler. You know something and I’m willing to use violence to force it out of you.” Diluc can hear you chuckle even through the relief that flashes in your eyes. “If it’s violence you want, then that’s what you’ll get.”, you say, as Diluc launched himself at the abyss mage with a battle cry. Using his Pyro, he melts the rope off of your body and hands you a Sunsettia before yelling over the sound of battle. “Stay put! I’ll come get you when it’s safe.” The abyss mage and hilichurls run around the camp chaotically, not prepared for Diluc’s rage. 

By the time the fight ends, the camp is nothing but ash. You had stayed put like Diluc told you, munching on an apple you found while you waited for him to loot the camp. Diluc crouched next to you, his voice soft. “Are you okay?” Diluc asks, his hands reaching towards your face to rub your cheek. You give him a small smile, your voice raspy but still happy. “Yeah, I’ll be okay. Thanks for looking for me. Sorry I missed our date.” Diluc smiles, for the first time since you left this morning and plants a firm kiss on your forehead. After the range of emotions both you and Diluc had been through, the day had come to a peaceful resolution, as you walked hand in hand back towards Mondstast, safe and sound.

>< Kaeya Alberich ><

At this point, Kaeya just wants you back in his arms. 

He knew sending you into a dungeon, especially without him being there was a terrible idea. You had been sent to investigate a dungeon that had highly suspicious activity going on, and for the past three hours, he’d been pacing back and forth in front of the dungeon doors. To not make up feel incapable, he let you walk in on your own, sending you off with flirty words of encouragement. Now all he wants is to bust into the dungeon and whisk you away from this cruel world. 

Doing just that, Kaeya slams open the doors of the dungeon, his heavy footfalls echoing through the space. Any unlucky slime or hilichurl that gets in his way is graced with an icy glare, making quick work of the first rooms of the dungeon. But then something sparkly catches his eye. Picking it up, he notes it’s a piece of your favorite cape, and his heart starts to ache. When he first entered the dungeon, he held onto hope that you were just taking your time or you went adventuring, but this confirmed his fears. Staring at the scrap of fabric, his thoughts begin to spiral as he jumps to the worst scenarios. They’ve taken you to a distant nation and he can never save you. You’re being tortured and you’re alone and you’ve lost hope. You’re sitting in some fiery pit, your spirit and his care burning with you. Feeling his anxiety grow, he tries to do those breathing exercises you taught him, but he can see his own breath due to the temperature he created. Standing still for a moment, he remembers a distant conversation you had about this very instance. “I hope you know I’ll always try to save you,” he had told you that night, his voice resolute and determined. You giggled at his dramatics, your hands tracing his eye patch gently. “I know,” you answered simply. “Because I’d do the same.” Breathes evening out, Kaeya feels his anxiety ebb away, letting in a renewed sense of determination and simmering anger. They fucked with the wrong knight. Grasping his sword with resolve, Kaeya sets on his way to find his beloved and prays that the poor souls that hurt you beg for mercy because he doesn’t plan on giving them any.

The air in the dungeon is frigid, and even before you can see Kaeya you know he’s coming. Glancing at your tattered clothes, and knowing Kaeya as well as you do, you knew he would find you sooner or later. For a guy with an eye patch, he’s very observant. And you also know he knows how to make an entrance. The floor around the metal door keeping you captive freezes before shattering with a loud clang. Pieces of metal crumple to the floor before you see Kaeya’s silhouette. Slowly, walking in, you can see frozen tears gathered near his eye, as he grabs keys he got from who knows where and the cuffs around your wrists fall. Grabbing one of your hands, he brings it to his lips, as new tears spring from both your eyes. “I told you I’d save you,” Kaeya says, his voice cracking with emotion. Wiping his tears with shaky hands, your smile lights up the dark cell. “I always knew.”

[niteshade925]

v2.6 Chasm Lore Thoughts Pt.1:  Misc and Ancient Lore

(Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4)

Well that was quite a loaded map and story. Also broke the record for the Genshin map that triggered my migraine the fastest lol (the previous record holder was Enkanomiya, predictably).  

Alright now for my spoiler-filled thoughts, y’all have been warned.

Miscellaneous Thoughts and Introduction:

Well, I guess MHY is pretty straightforward with the hilichurls’ back story.  They are indeed Khaenri’ans.  Seriously though, after that reveal with the curse and all that, how does MHY expect me to just go out and murder hilichurls for dailies now?  What am I, a fucking villain?  Actually I guess I already am huh. :P  Goddammit MHY.

Putting in my bets now, Yelan is a special agent for the Qixing, a little bit like Shuumatsuban in Inazuma, except whereas Shuumatsuban serves a particular commission in Inazuman government, Yelan seems to serve the highest level of the government of Liyue (the Qixing) directly.  

A little detail about her name:  Yelan/夜兰 literally means “night orchid”, the “night” part is probably a little hint about the covert nature of her occupation.

I’m guessing there’s probably going to be more about the Chasm’s story in a later update, since right now there's just way too many things that were mentioned but unexplained, like how Xamaran came to be deep in the Chasm or what exactly the ancient civilization did to deserve a nail from the sky.

There are 3 major parts to the story of the Chasm so far as I can see, and that’s 1) the ancient upside-down city and the nail, or the ancient history of the Chasm, 2) Liyue’s fight against the darkness 500 years ago, or the Cataclysm, and 3) whatever the Abyss Order was up to in the present.  So these are also going to be how I will divide up the posts in this series.  I will conclude the series with an analysis of the MC Twins and one of the major overall themes of the story, which is perspective on history.

Chasm, Ancient Times:

There was an ancient underground civilization that was visually very similar to the one in Enkanomiya (the angled doors and the weird stone bookshelves are the same, and the statues are also the same) and the one in Dragonspine.  (Pictures below; left side taken in Enkanomiya, right side taken in Chasm)

This yet unnamed ancient civilization did something that provoked the gods of Celestia, we don’t know what it was, and the gods threw down the giant nail, the same kind as the one on top of Dragonspine, to destroy this civilization.

If what Paimon’s comments and Dainsleif implied in Requiem of the Echoing Depths is true, then at the time of this civilization’s destruction and for a long time afterwards, the towers at the Nameless Ruins were not inverted.  The inversion likely happened in the present time, as a result of the Abyss Order’s actions.

A lot of things are still unexplained about this ancient civilization, what technologies these ancient people have developed, what were their beliefs, what their culture was like, and exactly what it did to provoke Celestia.

Another rather important detail is exactly how the round fragment of the nail broke off and traveled from the westmost and deepest place in the Chasm, all the way to the Eastmost top level of the Chasm.  If the nail fragmented as a result of its impact with the city, one would expect it to sit somewhere near the nail, but it isn’t.  I have a small theory on why that is, and I will say more about it in part 3.

The round fragment of the nail clearly bear the triple spiral symbol from Celtic culture (can be called Celtic triskelion, though triskeles apparently refer more to the 3-legs Greek version of the symbol).  According to the internet, the Celtic triskelion represent three worlds:  the celestial, the physical, and the spiritual.

We do have a Celestia in Genshin, but of Teyvat and the Abyss, which is the “physical” and which is the “spiritual“?

This ancient civilization and the other two known ancient civilizations seem to be connected to Khaenri’ah somehow, since the magical glowing pool in the central tower of the Nameless Ruins offer the hilichurls and other former residents of Khaenri’ah some sort of comfort despite their curse.

I have a feeling that we would also find a giant blue crystal nail in Enkanomiya, if it wasn’t for Orobashi’s plan to bring the people of Enkanomiya above the ground, then assimilating them into Inazuma.

Also it’s confirmed that someone from Liyue obtained a part of the blue crystal nail in the deepest part of the Chasm, then forged it into what became known as the weapon Calamity Queller:

The forging of Calamity Queller happened pre-Cataclysm.  More on the Calamity Queller later.

The stone pillars surrounding the nail in the Chasm also looked peculiar.  They seem to be formed by square-ish large chunks of rock, and remind me of the powers of the Unknown God:

The book Records of Jueyun:  Hidden Jade indicates the the giant crater above ground is formed by a “meteor”.  However, this “meteor” is somehow “sentient”, “had a proud and agitated temper”, and flew back to the sky during the Archon War because it “could bear this no longer” (weird lol).

Note that Zhongli’s burst is a meteor and is also called “天星” (lit:  heavenly star”) in Chinese, same as the word used for the meteor that fell in the Chasm in Records of Jueyun:  Hidden Jade.  I’m not saying Morax/Zhongli is the one who made that meteor crash into the Chasm--I don’t think there’s any evidence he can create sentient rocks--but perhaps there is a connection of sorts.

I have a vague feeling that this “meteor” wasn’t a real meteor, but a being who fell from the sky.  Remember who else “fell from the sky”?  Lol.

Another thing to note is the curious shape of the crater in the Chasm.  The center of the crater where the rock formation radiated out from the center is what a normal meteor crater should look like.  The spiral rock formations on the outside are quite weird and don’t look like they belong there.  I don’t know if those were simply added to make the above ground map more interesting, or if they actually indicate anything in the story.

The lore of the ancient civilization in the Chasm is still fairly fragmented still, so we’ll move on to the Cataclysm next.  

[waywardimpalawriter]

“Kissing me breaks the promise… remember?" with Javier and can I please have a happy ending, I know it's angst prompts but.... :D Thank you!

Crazy Love

Pairing: Javier Peña x Plus Size Female Reader

Characters: Javier Peña, Steve Murphy, mentions Connie Murphy

Setting: After season one episode 7 ‘You will cry tears of blood’, five months after the events in ‘Heels’,

Rating: M (Mature), E (Explicit), NSFW, 18+ only please

Warnings: mentions of gun violence, almost killing a child, self hatred, smut, unprotected sex, Angry Javier (yes he needs a warning), angst, slight fluff at the end,

Summary: One slip up, reacting too quickly he could’ve ended the life of one way too young to fight the wars of old men. Thoughts filled with darkness, what if’s and self degradation. Wanting to loose himself in the only way he knows. To find because of you he can brave the dawn and the coming war.

Word count: 5,985 (with lyrics)

Notes: Thank you so much for the request sweetie, @autumnleaves1991-blog I hope you enjoy. Prompt in bold. The song used is ‘Crazy Love’ written by Van Morrison and preformed by various artists. This also a sequel to “Heel’s part 1” written some months back.

Tag List:

Forever’s: @chickensarentcheap @jedi-mando

Knuckles white with the grip he’s got on the steer wheel, eyes darting between the thin packed streets and Murphy with the baby in his arms. “What about the kid? Any ideas where to take her?”

Missing the shrug, with his eyes back on the road, “For now I’ll take her with us.” Smirk twitching his dark blond mustache with the look Javier pins him with at a stop light. “Don’t worry Javi she ain’t gonna stay with you. Poor darlin can’t live on whiskey and cigarettes. Though the parade of women might slow with her at your apartment.”

“There’s no parade jackass,” trying to focus on the road ahead and off what almost occurred three hours ago.

Subtle tick to his jaw knowing something’s bothering his partner about what went down. More to the point of how it went to shit and letting two high ranking Sicario slip through their fingers. “Wanna spill what’s eaten at you?”

“No just take care of the kid don’t need you play shrink in my head,” pulling up to the embassy, Javier kills the engine turning fully to look at Steve. “Care to share your explanation to Noonan or will you wing it?”

Shrugging Steve glances down into her sleepy eyes trying to figure out just what he’ll say. More importantly what he’s going to tell Connie. “I’m not,” looking back over at Peña seeing a raised brow. “I’ll take her home to Connie, figure out this shit as we go.”

“I’m sure Y/N would babysit,” mentioning you name cut deeply as the last month he’s put distance between the two of you. Continuing the relationship based solely on your sexual needs instead of the feeling he keeps buried.

“Doubtful, she’s working on transferring out. Packing I’m sure takes her time up right now,” seeing the scowling confusion drawing his brows down. “You knew she asked for a transfer right?”

“When?” Curses fill his mind. Directed fully at himself for letting the situation spiral out of control to the point you’ve become that notch on his bed post. Telling himself he’s going to let you go but never finding the courage to actually cut the strings. “She never mentioned taking a transfer. ”

The nights spent together you never mentioned a transfer. But then words rarely left either of your lips that’s not in passionate pleas wanting more or demands for completion. Conversations the first to go in the crumbling relationship, embraces followed not long after and the final straw added a month and a half ago. No kisses on the mouth anyway a promise you made him invoke to separate the past pleasures from the present stalemate.

Revisiting those thoughts often, Javier understood why you made the decision. One he hated but respected. Wondering most nights why you still let him inside your soft plush body instead of putting up a wall between the two of you. Shoving him out of your life fully. But then the transfer you didn’t speak of talked louder than any uttered words could.

“Two weeks ago, something about returning back to the States. Damn shame Y/N’s a fucking amazing secretary even better person. Why’d you go fuck things up for us both?” Wanting to knock some sense into Javier but a part of Steve understood the other man’s reasons for pushing you away. “Just let her go man this job she’s not fit nor can put up with the stress. I know I pushed at first but whatever you did to shover her away it’s for the best.”

“She’s a lot stronger than you know,” said more to himself than Steve. Other mans words hitting deeper than Javier would say, his fingers tightening around the leather steering wheel. “You don’t know shit Murphy.”

“I know a month ago things changed between the two of you.” Switching the baby to his other arm cradling her close to his chest. “Whatever happened she become withdrawn, stopped smiling as much,” piercing him with a hard stare. “Reverting back to the woman I first met when coming Bogota.” Glancing out the windshield Steve drag a hand over his face exasperated sigh leaving his lips. “ piece of advice either fess up explain what’s eaten at you or let her go.”

Selfishness claws at his mind wanting to keep you from leaving. From getting away not only from Columbia it’s self but from him. The realistic half needing you safe a world removed from the war starting to build back up. This afternoon’s events flash through his mind of how he almost killed a kid. A fucking kid who tried to protect the Sicario scum he chased and cornered. Would’ve had him had the kid not pulled a gun on him. The decision not to pull the trigger an easy one this time. But what about the next? Making him no better than the men he chases if he decided to take the shot so easily. Affirming those thoughts to let you go for your greater good and health.

“Javi?” Snapping fingers to gain his attention. “Deep in thought or just swimming the shallow waters?”

Scowl taking up home over his features, “Don’t worry about it doesn’t concern you.”

“Fuck you say, she’s my friend to Javi.” Shaking his blond head wondering how much pushing it’ll take before Peña would break. “Besides I think Connie has a good chance at kicking your ass if you do anymore damaged. She’s wanted to get her hooks into you for a while now.”

Almost chuckling at those words though it’s mirthless and self deprecating. “She’s next in line,” tossing the words out while starting the Jeep. Silence reigns on the drive over to their apartment, pulling up to the curb and letting Steve out.

Who pauses in the open door, “Heading to Y/N’s? Or back to the Embassy?”

“Paperwork,” impatiently waiting for Steve to shut the door.

Eager for some peace and time to think. He sees you standing in the doorway arms crossed under your generous breasts. For once actually studying your features taking in the fact you look somber, dressed in well loved jeans and baggy T-shirt. No makeup, though Javi told you a thousand times how beautiful you look without all those cosmetics painted on your face. Heart kicking up at the way your staring at him. Barely seen with you so far away but he knows there’s a softness shining in your eyes. Emotions he’s never tried to decipher in other women till you. Thoughts now run into each other, fears chasing after wanting so much but feeling undeserving.

Soft chuckle echos around the Jeep’s cabin making Javi glance at Steve, “Time better served explaining than useless paperwork.” Looking over his shoulder to find you gone, “Before it’s to late and she’s gone.” Door slamming shut, Steve leans in through the open window with a meaningful expression on his handsome face. Patting the inside slight nod of his blond head before turning to go inside leaving Javier with to many thoughts.

Pulling away from the curb happening to glance back towards the apartments catching you standing at the window. Hand pressed to the glass unreadable look on your face one he’s sure shows signs of displeasure and anger. With a blink your silhouette disappears heart clenching at the thought he’s just imagined you standing there. Another curse flies from his lip, palm forcefully slamming down on the steering column doing nothing to temper the anger boiling inside his mind. Instead Javier guns the engine taking off at a high rate of speed receiving numerous honks in irritated warning.

*************************

Letting the curtain fall back in place wild thumping of your heart pulsing out a rhythm that aches with every pound. Partly hating yourself for getting involved with a man incapable of having any kind of relationship other than sexual. Asking yourself why you keep letting him back into your bed, into your heart knowing it’ll just break in the end. Only one answer comes to mind and you push it firmly back into the dark abyss. Focusing on what you needed to done. Having struggled for the last two months with the decision to finally put in for a transfer home, away from Columbia and Javier Peña. Never an easy choice especially when you’ve fallen in love with a man who would never love you back.

Heavy knocking makes you jump in spot leaning against the wall by the window. Hand coming to rest against the quickly beating organ threatening to thump right outta your chest. Taking a breath trying to calm down from the freight you take small steps to eat up the distance towards the door. Another round of pounding has a scowl appearing wondering who would beat your door down at this time of evening.

“Hold your horses I’m comin’ already,” raising you voice loud enough to at least pause the noise.

Grasping the doorknob right when, “Hermosa,” his voice pulls your hand back almost as if the knob burned you with that very endearment. “Open up you can’t hide I know your there.”

“Go away Javier I’m not in the mood,” arms crossed glaring at the door. Pivoting on bare feet to track towards the kitchen going back to sorting through what your keeping and leaving behind. Freezing in place the unmistakeable sound of a key sliding into lock. Cursing the fact you never asked for the spare back and giving him one in the first place. Try as you might to make your feet move instead there rooted in spot when the door opens. “I didn't invite you in Javi turn your ass around and leave.”

Breath escaping quickly, eyes narrowing after searching the apartment he’s spent the last months in. Catching sight of half filled boxes, newspaper scattered over the coffee table, before landing on your furious features. Hands gripping wide hips, soft chin jutted out in annoyance while eyes spit anger burying the true feelings deep. “It’s true?”

“Why do you care?” Countering his words biting the inside of your cheek to keep tears from sliding coldly down your cooling skin. “Leave Javier,” exasperated and tired just wanting to move on, putting the relationship in the past.

Not two steps away his warm gun callused hand incloses around your wrist tugging and turning your plush body around to face him. “Not till you answer me.”

“We don’t talk about feelings remember Peña, your rules,” yanking your wrist free glare firmly in place.

Flinching at the harsh tone eyes scorching him with there intensity, his own somber and filled with regret. Deserving of those very words no matter how much they hurt. He moves forward for you to take one back reaching to grasp both shoulders. Taking another step out of his reach slow two step pattern finds your back pressed against the bar counter. Reminiscent of the first time you made love all those months ago. Except this time you’d stand strong push him away and not fall prey to those warm russet eyes filled with so many indescribable emotions.

“Stupid rule I never should’ve put in our relationship,” three feet of space between the two of you. Both chests heaving breaths eyes locked and searching. His eyes close drawing in your familiar scent letting it wash all the days stress clean for a single moment in time. Ear’s picking up the quick beating of your heart wishing as his eyes open a smile would bloom over those kissably soft lips.

“But you did and there’s no taking it back now,” firm stance starting to crumble under the weight of emotions filtering through his dark eyes.

Half way to reaching out his hands drop back to fist at his sides, “I’m sorry hermosa I didn’t mean…” unsure how to fix what’s broken. Never good at speaking his feelings even when the need presents its self.

I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles

And the heavens open every time she smiles

And when I come to her that's where I belong

Yet I'm running to her like a river's song

“What’d want from me Javier?” Pleading tone arms crossed to close your body off. Putting up a defense against the one man who’s managed to crumble every wall surround your heart. To starve off the bubbling emotions threatening to spill over and consume you.

Closing the small gap, callused hands cup both cheeks, fingers spread from apples to jawlines. Brushing his thumbs under your eyes his own pleading and soft ‘the puppy’ look you nicknamed it two weeks into the relationship. “To kiss you.”

Swallowing harshly, “Kissing me breaks the promise… remember?" Willing your body not to react, not to turn and place kisses to his palm. Nuzzling the warmth drawing peace from his comforting touch. “We made rules you know how I feel about kissing Javi.”

Almost two months ago things started to fall apart. Always asking yourself why you still let him into your bed and body. Part of you knowing the space carved Javier hole in your heart will never close. Not even denying the both of you those intimate kisses could change the fact he’s wormed his way through defenses long held too fall in love with your DEA agent.

“I know mi amor,” sliding one hand down from your face to wrap his arm around your thick waist. Pulling you flush into his embrace and against his body. Turning the both of you so it’s his back pressed into the counter. Savoring the softness wishing you’d hold him. Run your fingers through his hair and chase away the stress currently resurfacing with your tense posture. “I don’t want you to leave.” No truer words spoken ones that cut his very soul with the implications of what could happen if he didn’t take Steve’s advice.

Agony rips a new hole in your heart at his words, at the endearment dripping from those sinful lips. “You don’t mean that.” Eyes close to keep from staring into russet browns. Trying not to give in and foolishly hope he means what he speaks.

“I do hermosa,” eyes popping open at the barest brush of his chapped lips against yours, widen orbs find his shut, brow furrowed. “I don’t want to loose you.”

“Javier,” breathlessly whispering his name. The intensity of Javi’s declaration scares you not wanting to believe for a second his words ring true. Not when so many broken promises lay at your feet. Yet, if there’s one thing you know about Javier Peña he’s honest, never lying to you about what he wanted. Holding back sure, not letting you in those tightly held defenses of his own fuck yes, but lie to you never. Those thoughts make others chase after. Ones that scare you into thinking you’ve made a huge mistake by asking for the transfer. Could you leave his man who holds your heart? Walk away from a relationship that’s possibly just hitting a rough patch? So engrossed in those thoughts you don’t realize he’s tipping your chin up to angle your head in the prefect position to slot his mouth over yours.

Javier’s restraint having snapped with his name slipping from your bitten lips, wanting to meld the two of you together in the only way he knows how. Showing you with his body what his words couldn’t express. Javier captures your mouth in a bruising kiss filled with demands. Teeth biting at your lips, dragging plump bottom in to abuse with nibbles and soothing over with his tongue. Harsh gasp blown from your mouth giving him access to the warm cavern. Drinking from your well, tasting your flavor on his tongue always returning for more. Tangling together as his arm tightens around your soft waist.

Garnering a moan of need from deep within your chest. Attacking his mouth with your own, fingers coming into play by carding through those thick mahogany strands tugging harshly. Receiving a growl in return that vibrates down to your very core clit throbbing in response to his rough actions.

Mouths parting to gather air, “I need you hermosa please,” desperation coloring his tone foreheads resting together. The hand still cupping your cheek slides around to gently cup the back of your head. “I need…” swallowing hard, fighting to keep from taking you hard and fast right there. Burying the fear and pain, the anger and worry into your soft gentle body. Letting you sooth the demons threatening to consume his soul. But he couldn’t, promising to never show that side of himself to you.

Those thoughts in mind Javier moves in to kiss you only to chase your mouth till you place fingers over his searching lips. Seeing a spark of need in he eyes that’s closed away before fully blooming. Leading you to remember a conversation the two of you had at the on set of your relationship. Knowing what he needed and how, you step back watching his features fall with his arms to the side.

Only to have confusion replace the crestfallen expression as you tug the t-shirt up and off your body. Standing in just your panties and jeans, “I told you a long time ago Javier I’m not made of glass this body…” hands gliding up from your waist to soft tummy and generous breasts. “Won’t break if your rough with me.” Heat sparking in eyes that will him to listen, give in and take you. “If I’m staying and we work this out you’ll have to let me in.”

Each word hits him hard square in the heart, “I don’t want to hurt you cariño.”

“You already have Javier,” head dropping you go to tug your shirt back on. Only to have it ripped from your hand and tossed somewhere unseen. That soft gasp making his heart beat triple time. Strong arms wrap around your body to bring you back into his warmth. “Fix what you broke.”

There’s no gentleness to the possessive kiss Javier captures your mouth with. Large warm hands grip your plush ass to press into your tummy the thick ridge of his jeans covered erection. Low growl slipping passed parted gasping lips that angle for the right spot to draw those whimpers and moans he can never get enough of. Separating long enough to have you rip his tan button up open, little plastic disks pinging off the wall and tiled floor. Scoring your short nails over his soft tummy, toying with the button of his jeans.

“Fuck,” hissing through kiss swollen lips that attack your neck with bitting teeth. Wanting to mark each inch of you in reminder to himself of who you derive your pleasure from. “Do that again,” demanding cadence gets a soft smirk to spread over your bitten lips.

Keeping your eyes lock, breath existing quickly because of the passionate kiss. Short nails rake up his chest and leave little red lines behind. Detouring to pinch his pebbled tight nipples receiving another low growl against the skin of your collarbone. Where his mouth sucks a purpling mark laving his tongue over the bruising skin. Enjoying the shutter he feels race down your spine.

Pushing the shirt from his shoulders Javier raises his head to stare into your desire darken eyes. “Fuck me Javier till I can’t walk tomorrow.”

Simple words ignite a passion and deep seated need inside his body to claim and wreak you. Clothing becomes nothing more than obstacles in the way of having naked skin against his own. The two of your fumbling with buttons and zippers. His parting on a sigh of relief as you push the fabric to pool around his ankles. Nimble fingers brushing through course little hairs. Leading your hand to wrap around his shaft. Thick girth barely covered by your hand that you pump along heated velvet skin.

Smirking at the groaning string of Spanish curses falling from his lips. Only replaced by the pout, when he brushes your hand away. Mouth still just inches from yours brushing taking another sip from your lips. Drowning in the taste of your mouth, the feel of your plump lips against his. Devouring the pout and only breaking to whisper, “Later princesa.” Toeing off boots and soak covered feet pressing out of jeans, naked as on his born day for your eyes to devour.

Becoming insnared with his beauty far too long for Javier’s liking. Lips licked slowly watching the bob of his jutting cock. Mouth watering in want of a taste. Quick breaths expanded his soft covered muscular chest your hands itch to dust over. His handsomeness distracting you to the point a squeal issues from the back of your throat when he pulls you by the belt loops towards the couch. Skilled fingers making quick work of getting your jeans undone warm palms sliding the fabric down your body.

Javier drops back into the couch bringing you between his spread knees and placing kisses to your tummy. Nuzzling the underside of your breasts. Looking up to ensnare your vision with his own desire filled gaze. Strong arms holding you in place while eyes close, nose rubbing into your soft scantly skin resting his head on your tummy. Hands coming up to card through his hair gently this time tugging the locks and wrapping his shoulders with your arms. Emotions clogging your throat burning with the need to release the tears of mixed feelings.

Moaning head tossing back when his warm tongue peeking out to teasing the taut nipples his hands tug your panties down. Becoming impatient and ripping the thin cotton from your body. Making you gasp and look down into those desire blacken eyes you choose happily to drown in. “You’ll…” swallowing your words on a moan as those thick skilled fingers draw through your folds. Tapping your clit several times and retreating to slide inside your clinching walls.

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

She's got a fine sense of humor when I'm feeling low down

And when I come to her when the sun goes down

Take away my trouble, take away my grief

Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief

“I’ll buy you more cariño and go with you to help pick out certain ones,” giving you a cheeky wink. Groaning with the feel of slick coating his fingers, smirk in place when your hands brace on his shoulders to keep from tipping over into his arms. Pulling his fingers out to suck them clean making sure your watching his every move. The resounding whimper he draws out brings the same smug grin too tug at his lips. Gripping the back of your thick thighs to spread your stance and slot his own knees between.

Pulling you down against him knees on either side of his thighs. Hiss issued at the contact of your dripping folds coating his shaft trapped between your bodies. Rolling hips to tease your own hands gripping the back of the couch to brace yourself while raising up. Deep moan breaks from your chest when Javier draws the fat cock head through your folds. Circling your clit as your hips match the movements. Waiting till he’s notched himself at your entrance before slamming down against him.

Head tossing back at the stretch and burn of him splitting you open gasps of delight echo and play with the groans from Javier. Who grips your hips, holding you against him for a time face buried in your chest. Hot mouth searching out blindly latching onto your right nipple to bite down just hard enough to make your quivering channel squeeze him tightly.

“Fuck,” single word mumbled against your skin. When you start to move setting a quick pace that’s hard and demanding. Head dropping back between your gripping hands. String of curses and praise leave his lips. “Just like that hermosa, so fucking wet for me,” grunting into your mouth that came to fuss to his. Sharing breaths while you move against his body.

Taking possession of his pleasure with a kiss that’s deep and hungry. Devouring the sounds he makes with each quick roll of your hips. Pressing your generous breasts against the hard plains of his chest, nipples brushing his skin as his own hands grip your thick soft waist. Leaving behind bruises with how tightly he holds you. One hand gliding over sweat slicked skin to cup a full ass cheek giving a squeeze before landing a hard slap.

Movements falter with the stinging pleasure coursing through your veins, “Javi.” Kiss breaking breathlessly to catch his eyes. Seeing the indecision clearly written, you nod leaning to brushing your lips over his ear, “Again please.”

Mouth buries against the spot where shoulder and neck meet, planting his feet firmly to thrust into your welcoming cunt quicker. Letting a moment pass till he lands another smack to the other ass cheek. Soothing the pain with his warm palm, “Like that princesa?” Drawing his nose over the sweaty expanse of his throat tossed back on a gasp. Bearing your neck to his hungry gaze and mouth.

Taking advantage to bite and suck, thick mustache abrading your skin in the most delicious of ways. Sending tingles to dance across your skin making your clit throb with each hard pound of his cock deep inside your quivering walls. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders for leverage as your knees sink into the couch and you bounce on Javier’s cock. Thick thighs shaking as orgasm builds quicker than you thought possible.

“Yes,” whimpering out in answer. Both hands cup your ass helping you move against him. Sweat slicked shoulders make for a tough grip movements becoming choppy and sloppy. Low whine bubbles from the back of your throat needing more but unsure how to say.

Javier picks up on the destress, pulling out making the whine lengthen. “Lay back on the couch for me hermosa,” seeing the confusion in your gaze. Javi tugs you to sit in the corner of the couch, pulling till your almost flat and he crawls between those thick thighs he wants wrapped around his waist.

Sliding back inside of you on a groan, “Still so tight for me princesa I could stay buried in your pretty pussy forever never growing tired of having your surround me.”

“Javi,” heat flares across your body at his words, face buried in your palms. Only to have them pulled and placed on his chest. Shocked yet pleased with his sentiments, the way he growls out the words setting off tingles dancing down your spine.

Gasping when he pulls out resting just the tip before surging back angling to hit that little spot only he’s managed to discover inside you. Right leg draped over his hip left dangling off the couch as your hands scrap and grope at his shoulders. Strong arms press on either side of you holding himself up while rocking his hips into yours. Setting a fast and hard pace that has you gasping, moans of incoherent words tumble from your mouth that hangs open trying to gather breath.

Watching with hooded eyes, drinking in the way you look, the passion morphing your features never wanting to let you go. To always see you in the throws of pleasure he delivers to your body. Praying to whoever will listen that you’ll stay. Those thoughts creating a fire inside his body that moves quicker.

Wanting to show you his feelings by repeatedly burying his cock deep inside your throbbing cunt. Loving your soft thick body with his mouth latching onto a breast. Nipping skin and taunt nipples, curling his tongue before biting down and switching to the twin. Feeling your nails score his back and shoulders only driving on his own pleasure.

Needing you to cum first though, Javier slides one hand between your slick bodies to caress your clit with tight circles of pressure. Smirking into your flesh when you gasp and squirm under him. His name breathlessly spoken to the heavens your back arching off the couch. “That’s my girl cum for me amor soak my cock.”

“Javier,” fingers card through his hair pulling his mouth back to yours. Tender and sweet nothing like the previous kisses as you pour your heart out to the man pounding you into the couch. Foreheads rest together, moans dripping from your lips brushing against his trying to hold back to draw out the pleasure. Afraid of the final moment he finds completion and walks out of your life maybe for good this time. “I love you,” unable to stop those three words from tumbling out. Orgasm slamming through your body with the hard thrusts of Javier’s hips. Crying out his name, arching against him breath stuck along with tears in your throat.

Swearing he heard things, Javier’s pace stuttered but his heart pounds quicker. Hips having a mind of their own as his body rushes to completion. Cumming harder than he’s ever in his life, filling your clinching walls with hot stick seed. Strength evaporated from his arms collapsing into your embrace. Burying his face in your neck, hot moist breath fanning out over your skin. Small after shocks roll through both your bodies garnering whimpers and moans from both of you.

Time, unsure of how much passes while you card fingers through his sweat slicked hair. Enjoying this moment, basking in the after glow of your love making while praying it’s not the end.

“Don’t leave,” words whispered into your skin so low there barely caught. Wondering if you’ve heard things your fingers pause watching on stuttering breath as Javier raises his head to stare into your eyes. Wondering if you meant what you said or just caught up in the pleasurable sex and let it out. It’s on the tip of his tongue to ask when you beat him to the punch.

“I… I…” words lost in the jumble of your mind unsure what to say. Fearful your passionate declaration went unheard or worse ignored.

Cupping your cheek surprised to find tears tracking down your cheek, “Don’t leave me Y/N please.”

Searching his bright russet eyes confused till you see what he’s really saying. Realization blooming across your mind your own hand coming up to embrace his cheek. Thumb swiping over the apple, “I’ll speak to Noonan.” Bringing his mouth down to yours for a soft sweet kiss.

“Do you really love me?” Foreheads resting together breath held, his eyes closed tightly fearing the answer.

Shocked he’s asking. Remembering the times you tried to get him to talk about his feelings becoming shut down pushing the conversation away or distracting you with kisses and sex. With the lengthening silence Javier dares to open his eyes catching the soft expression in yours that cracks his frozen heart.

“I wouldn’t say those words if I didn’t mean them Javi you know that,” continuing to brush your fingers over his stubbled jaw. Up into his soft sweaty hair to gently scratch his scalp knowing how much he enjoys when you do. Rewarded with a low purr from the back of his throat. “What happened today baby?”

Fear keeps him quiet for a moment till, “I almost killed a kid.” Lowering his stare to map your skin with his eyes adding the marks he left behind to his memory. Fear returning now that you’ve heard how much of a monster he’s turning into.

“Did you shoot?” There’s no accusations or incrimination, voice softly seeking a way to help sooth the demons you saw when he first arrived.

Carefully pulling from your warm depths and embrace to sit on the edge of the couch face buried in his hands. Missing the whimper at loosing his touch. You grab for the blanket draped over the back to cover yourself in self consciousness. Moving carefully to sit up and lean against his shoulder. Fingers carding through his hair slowly while placing the other around his waist. Waiting till he’s ready to start speaking not wanting to push.

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

Yes I need her in the daytime

Yes I need her in the night

Yes I want to throw my arms around her

Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tight

Welcoming warmth enveloping his body that cleaves into you. Baritone rough with emotions, “No I couldn’t pull the tigger, didn’t want to shoot some kid who’s stupidly following the orders of a man who doesn’t care about him.”

“Listen to me Javi you’re not Escobar you’ll never have that narcissistic attitude.” Turning his face to look at you, brushing the stubble with your fingertips. “Yes you’ve done some questionable things for good reasons to take down this asshole who would gladly see all of Columbia burn just to get and keep what he wants.” Leaning in to brush your nose against his, “I couldn’t love a man who killed people for kicks Javier. That’s not what you do. You save people, protect them as best you can.”

Unworthiness filtering through his thoughts never expecting to find someone who loved him faults and all. Intertwining his fingers with the hand previously on his cheek bring the back to his lips to place a kiss. “I don’t deserve you hermosa,” swallowing harshly letting your hand go to stand. Unconcerned with his nakedness Javier stretches popping his back then looking down at you.

Worry etched in those beloved eyes that stare unblinkingly at the spot he just vacated. “Leaving now?” Biting off the words tears clouding your vision mistaking his declaration as rejection pulling the blanket tighter around your plush body.

Forefinger and thumb pinching the end of your soft chin raising your gaze to meet his, “Why would I leave when everything I want and love rests with you.”

“Javier?” Voice wobbling with unshed tears.

Pulling the blanket from your body taking in the curves and dips, the softness he’s itching to get his hands back on. But right now Javier brings the nearest hand to his lips, brushing the knuckles with his mouth mustache tickling your skin. Keeping your eyes locked as he tugs you up into his arms. “I’m serious Y/N I don’t deserve you but without you I’m a shell of a man,” bringing his free hand up to cup your cheek deep russet eyes burning with love staring into yours.

“What are you saying?” Fear coating the words, afraid it’s all a dream and you’ll wake without Javier beside you.

Drawing your mouth closer, strong arm wrapping around your thick waist, “I’m saying I love you Y/N and if you’ll have me I’m yours till you kick me out for driving you crazy.”

“You already do that Javi,” watery giggles escaping your lips that brush his twice. Reaching up to card fingers through the soft strands at the back of his head tugging just a little harder than normal. “Say it again.”

Grunting at the tugs sliding a hand down to cup a generous bare ass cheek to give a squeeze. “Drive you crazy.”

Just barely holding in the squeak, “No,” eyes rolling at his cheek. “You know what I mean Javier Peña.”

“I do,” slotting his mouth against yours stealing the breath from your lungs as he kisses you with a passion never felt before. Barely breaking to mumble those three simple words into your lips, “I love you.” Getting lost in your kiss while silently vowing to never let you go or break your heart.

And when I'm returning from so far away

She gives me some sweet lovin' brighten up my day

Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole

Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul

[capaimagines]

im changkyun - i’ll always be there

Pairing: Im Changkyun x Reader | Genre: angst & fluff | Warnings: anxiety/panic attack, mentions of depression, self-depreciating thoughts, mild self-harm (unintentional) | WC: 2.0k

Request: Hi loves! Can I please request a changkyun fic where the reader suffers from serious anxiety and depression and she tries really hard for him to go out and she does but breaks down and has a panic attack and he doesn't know what to do because he is unaware of her condition

Changkyun knew that you were more of homebody. He’d known that since you were kids. The two of you had been friends since you were little. Your mom’s were best friends which meant most of his weekends were spent being dragged to yours to play while your mom’s chatted and did their thing.

Changkyun was always more adventurous than you, he enjoyed exploring and meeting new people. You could never understand how two people who were polar opposites could get along but it worked for you two. However, Changkyun wasn’t aware of just how bad your anxiety about going out was, or more importantly, how low you have been feeling recently.

He knew you really struggled with your emotions and he always did his best to pick you up and be there for you. When you had been offered the perfect job; working from home and only having to go into the office for large meetings every so often, you were ecstatic. Though that meant you had to move to the city. You were ready to turn the opportunity down until Changkyun, like he always did, came to be your knight in shining armor.

So the two of you moved out and lived together. You felt guilty for taking him away from all his friends and family, but he always assured you over and over again that he was fine and this was a new adventure for him also.  He did well living in the city, he was able to land a job as producer for a large company and while there were nights where he didn’t come home, he truly seemed to be enjoying himself.

However, you were struggling. A terrible downside of being too nervous to leave the comfort of your apartment always led to your depression coming back. You would manage small walks here and there to try and get out and soak in the sun, but you would quickly return home mid panic attack.

Changkyun wasn’t too aware of all this. He had been working later and later recently and he had barely been home all week. You were spiraling into the black abyss and you couldn’t pull yourself out. You could at least manage to shower and seem normal when Changkyun was home, but the moment he left, you were stuck alone with your thoughts.

Your head was constantly telling you that no one would want you as a friend. That Changkyun was just taking pity on you, he was tired of you or you were too plain, too boring. You deserved to be alone and you were starting to believe that was your destiny. To be alone with no one around. To live in the dark hole for the rest of your life.

You snapped out of your thoughts at the sound of your phone ringing. You couldn’t even muster up the energy to smile at Changkyun’s name.  

“Y/N?” You hadn’t even realized you picked it up.  

“O-oh. Changkyun-ah,” If he noticed how tired you sounded he didn’t say anything.  

“Hey, my friends would really like to meet you. We’re supposed to be getting dinner in a few hours and they asked me to invite you. Can you come? Please? It’d be nice to get you out of the apartment and I promise you it will be fun!” Inwardly you were already starting to panic. Saying no to Changkyun was something you always had trouble with.

“Okay,” You mustered out and Changkyun promised to pick you up in a few hours. You shakily stood on your legs and gave yourself a cold shower. You had hoped it would knock the anxiety bubbling up but it didn’t. You didn’t know how you were going to make it through a meal with strangers, but you didn’t want to embarrass Changkyun either.

You already embarrass him.

His friends are going to think you’re weird.

You don’t deserve a friend like Changkyun.

You sighed, shaking your head. You had to do this for him, he never asked you for much. This wasn’t anything big. He simply just wanted you to meet his friends. Two hours later you were sitting on the couch in the best clothes you owned, leg bouncing up at down. You were squeezing your hands together in hopes to quell the anxiety. Though It was no use.

The minute Changkyun walked in and called your name you felt your heart rate spike. You didn’t know if you could do this, but there your best friend stood, in his skinny jeans and t-shirt with a large smile on his face. You couldn’t let him down. You always let him down.  

“You okay?” He questioned which you blinked at him and offered what you hoped was a happy smile and nodded slightly.  

“Y-yeah. I’m fine. Let’s go!”

You hooked your arm in his and he smiled brightly down at you before leading you to the car. The whole way to the restaurant Changkyun was talking about something that you didn’t catch a word of. Your eyes were trained on the windshield, heart pounding in your chest. You felt warm, too warm. You felt lightheaded and like you couldn’t breathe.  

“P-pull over,” You stuttered

“What?” Changkyun asked confusedly.

“Changkyun, please,” You pleaded, “ I-I need you to pull over.”

You felt like you were going to vomit. It felt all too small and crowded in the car. There wasn’t enough air. Changkyun pulled over, worried. Encasing his features as you stumbled out of the car as you leaned against the brick wall of whatever building was in front of you. Your breathing was erratic, the cold air was doing nothing to quell what felt like fire on your skin. You were dizzy, the world was spinning.

You slid down, placing your back against the cool bricks and trying to control your breathing, trying to feel anything but the pins and needles in your fingertips. Your legs felt numb. There were too many people walking around, too many people staring at you. You started gasping for air, fingernails digging into your forearm. You didn’t feel the sting when they broke the skin.

“Y/N! Hey! Y/N!” You knew that was Changkyun’s voice, but it sounded so panicked. He sounded scared, worried. You could feel a warmth grab your hands and you looked down trying to find the source. Changkyun was holding your hands in his, pulling them away from your arm. You noticed the little specks of blood on your forearm. When did that happen?

“Y/N!” Changkyun raised his voice slightly, “I need you to look at me!” You felt his calloused hands roughly grab at your chin and through your gazed look you could make out Changkyun’s worried orbs.

“C-Changkyun?” You stuttered weakly. It felt a little easier to breathe.  

“It’s me honey. L-let’s get you home, okay? ”You somehow managed to nod and he pulled you up as you leaned all your weight against him. You were mentally and physically drained.

He sat you in the car and ran around, turning back towards your home. He didn’t say anything, but you could hear how his fingers were drumming on the steering wheel. You felt guilty. Extremely guilty. All he wanted from you was to have one meal with his friends and you couldn’t even make it there. You don’t deserve him. You hold him back from so much. He left everything for you and you can’t even go out for a meal with him.

You let your thoughts take over, falling deeper and deeper into the darkness clouding you. You hadn’t even noticed you were back at your apartment building until Changkyun lightly grabbed your arm. His eyes scanned yours for what felt like hours but was only a few seconds. He was trying to find answers, trying to understand what had just happened.

You shakily followed him back into your apartment and went straight to your room. You collapsed on your bed, curling into the fetal position with a plushy he had won you at some stupid carnival when you were teenagers in between you. You let the tears fall, hating yourself for how pathetic you had become.  Your thoughts were right. Changkyun would be much better off without you.

You hadn’t heard him walk in or feel him sit down on the bed next to your feet. He was watching you, observing you. When had the circles under your eyes become so big and dark? Why did it look like you had lost more weight? Had he been so busy he didn’t even notice how bad his best friend was hurting? How much you needed him?

“Y/N,” He murmured and your breath hitched. You sat up, throwing your arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder.  

“I’m so s-s-sorry, Kyun. I’m so s-sorry! I-I can’t do anything! I can’t e-even go out f-f-for a proper meal w-with you! I’m such a waste of a human!” His eyes were wide as you blabbered on about how you were a terrible person and friend.

How you sobbed about how sorry you were for holding him back, for making him feel like he needs to stay here with you. He pulled you away from his shoulder, tears and snot running down your face as he just stared at you. You continued to sob and he gently started wiping tears away and cleaning your nose with the tissues by your bed.  

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was low and you were surprised you heard it over your cries.

“There was nothing to tell. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. You should go meet your friends,” Whatever emotions that had just exploded out of you were now gone. Now you just sounded empty, felt empty. You were tired and you just wanted to sleep. You pulled away from his grasp and laid down, staring at the wall in front of you.  

“Are you fucking joking me?” He replied back harshly.

You winced a little at his harsh tone. You’d only seen him angry a handful of times but it was never directed at you, “You think I’m just going to go see my friends when you’re feeling like this? Are you stupid?” He was kneeling in front of you now, in your line of vision. You couldn’t say anything. You were too tired now.

“You’re my best fucking friend, L/N Y/N. I am not leaving you. I’m here. I’m always here,” His voice was low again, but desperate. He needed you to know that he was there for you, always. That you are one of the most important people in his life, if not, the most important, “You do not hold me back. You aren’t a shitty friend.”

He made sure you were listening to him, hearing him.

“You’re one of the best people in my life. You always have been. You make me laugh. You always make sure there’s food waiting for me whether I come home or not. You do my laundry because you know that I’ll shrink it. You text me every day and scold me to eat and drink water. You have food delivered to my studio,” He continued to ramble.

You felt a new wave of tears sting your eyes, “You,” He grabbed your hand with one of his and squeezed it tight, “You are my person. My best friend. I am always here. When you’re sad, when you’re mad, when you feel nothing. I’m here. I’ll always be here Y/N,” You squeezed his hand back with as much strength as you could muster. He smiled. He knew you were too tired to speak but he knew you heard him.

“Now scooch over. We’re watching your favorite movie, I’ll order us some takeout and we’re going to cuddle until I see a genuine smile on your face, dammit,” You let out a small chuckle and moved over. He smiled weakly down at you before crawling next to you and pulling your head to his chest. This was your best friend. This was your person. You couldn’t let yourself doubt that, ever.

“I’ll always be there,” He murmured as you closed your eyes.

[yandere-wishes]

𝕊𝕖𝕝𝕗-𝕃𝕠𝕒𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 🐚Yandere! leviathan X Reader🐚

I’m trying out a new writing style, so please let me know what you think! This story is rather abstract and switches a bit between reader POV and Leviathan’s POV.

WARNINGS: VERY DARK, suicidal themes, self harm, mild gore, verbal abuse, self-hatred, objectification and cursing.

🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚

ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ'ꜱ ᴀɴ ᴏʟᴅ ꜱᴀʏɪɴɢ, ᴀɴ ᴏʟᴅ ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ ꜱᴀʏɪɴɢ: "ᴏᴘᴘᴏꜱɪᴛᴇꜱ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱɪᴍɪʟᴀʀ ʀᴇᴘᴇʟꜱ". ʙᴜᴛ ꜱɪɴᴄᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʜᴀꜱ ᴀɴʏ ʟᴏɢɪᴄ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ ʀᴇᴀʟᴍ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴛʀᴇꜱᴘᴀꜱꜱᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴠɪʟᴅᴏᴍ?

The two of you were the same, cut from the exact same depressing, aversion cloth. 

The two of you were mangled disjointed creatures with lanky brittle bones made up of self-loathing and mismatched hatred. Broken from displaced frustration and indecent, vulgar tendencies, that no one could snuff out of either of you. 

Instead of guts and intestines both you, the lowly human, and him, the feared sea serpent, had long strings of pity that coiled inside your stomachs.

Eyes as green as the ripest emerald blinded by endless, unchecked envy towards all things that so much as breathed.

Rotting pink brains filled with nothing but depressive thoughts and screeching banshee-like voices that never seem to cease. 

Yes, you and Leviathan were the exact same thing...

There's a certain aroma that floats and flocks around a person with such low regard for themselves. Where ever you walked a thick suffocating cloud of despair followed like a lost limping mutt. Pure unaltered self-disgust rolls off you like waves in the middle of a storm.

This is one of the things Leviathan loves about you, the intoxicating saddening aura that you wear like the finest perfumes. Although if caught like a deer in headlights, the sea serpent would just lie through his shark-like teeth and make some remarks about your pretty smile or shiny eyes. 

Truth is, he HATES when you smile. Hated when hope and joy and all things bright and good twinkle in your eyes like the flicker of a newborn star. 

Oh no, you're all so much prettier when you frown, when you look like your lust for life is all died out. When your eyes twinkle with that sort of sweet despair like all your hope has gotten engulfed by a black hole. 

🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

There's something wrong with you. You don't know what, but it's there, you can feel it everywhere you go. 

Maybe it's the repulsive way your skin is stretched so suffocatingly thin across your bones. Or maybe it's the way you pick at your open scars, digging deeper and deeper past blazing red tissue until it starts to bleed again. 

Whatever it is you aren't sure, but something is most definitely wrong with you. 

maybe that's why, on a particularly bad, paranoid day, you finally decide to just end it. 

Although it's never that simple is it?

There's something no one ever tells you about the cessation of life. A mysterious negative hour that happens just as the last atom of oxygen is departing from your lungs. A negative one, a negative two, and if you get expressly unlucky than also a negative three. This is usually when you start to wonder if you did it right, if the rope is too loose or hung too low. The dam of reality breaks and all uncertainty pours through with no real regard for what it's destroying. Are you're really still alive? Or is this some post-mortem induced dream? Everything makes about as much sense as when you were alive, only now it's foggy and ambiguous and all so distant like a far off dream...

It's also the time when every good memory comes rushing back, spilling carelessly akin to the blood gushing from the vain you slashed a month ago. You're dying far too slowly and all too semi-lucidly.

This is far from how you thought your escape plan would go.

The plan shatters even more when you actually open your eyes again and realize that you're no longer dangling from the ceiling. Instead, you're wrapped in some sort of lukewarm blanket, trapped between glacial white walls that bite at your fingers why you try to push them away.

And staring down at you with a sort of raw envy that your human mind couldn't fabricate, was non other than the third born himself.

Up to this day you still don't know who saved you, the seven brothers treat the whole ordeal like Pandora's box, tucking it under volts of diamond and throwing the key into the abyss. As long as it stays out of sight, out of tongue's reach and ears range then it'll surely be out of mind. Everything will be just fine so long as lord Diavolo doesn't hear what happened to the precious little human. Everything is just fine if everyone ignores it.

Personally, you don't mind the outcome. You're restrained to Levi's room, being under his watch and alleged "care" for all hours of the day. It's to keep you safe Lucifer assures, although your own guilt likes to twist the words into something more like, "It's to get rid of a nuisance".

Either which way life starts to escalate just a tiny bit.

Funny how even self-loathing and inner hatred seem to fade away when there's someone to share the pain with.

Soon it's no longer "I wish I could die" or "why can't I just be God damn good enough!"

but rather "We seriously should split a suicide built" and "Wouldn't it be fun if we both dive off a cliff head first into lava?"

With someone just as aggravated and self-destructive as yourself, things start to look up...that is until you do the unforgivable, at least so it's written in Levi's demented book. 

You step too far, you start to ask things, start to pry into things that shouldn't matter to you.

And then you do it, the worst of the worst, you smile...

Straight after asking him such a revolting sincere question

"What do you think about life?" 

It's meant to be rhetorical, you TRY to make it sound rhetorical. But any social norms or form of sarcasm goes over Levi's head like the basketballs he's never able to catch. His attention snaps to you, like a snake being alerted that a predator is a near...or prey, again it's really impossible to tell.

 His neck cranes at an odd angle as his tail curls inwards. For a split millisecond, you can swear on your almost grave that you see his tongue dart out before zipping back into his toothy mouth. Predator, he definitely sees you as a predator.

"Baby, not much...I-i want to die"

Time doesn't stop, not even when all understanding and logic have tipped their hats at the door and disappeared into the great beyond. Leviathan's slit eyes stare at you, behind all the pain and broken anger, for just an instant you think you see the fragments of understanding shine, brighter than the never setting moon. 

He's just like you, 

You're just like him,

That's when the trouble creeps over. The corners of your mouth take a turn upwards and push your cheeks back, making way for a grin. It's faint and ghostly at best...up it's there.

It just has to be there....

That godforsaken satisfied smile. 

When you're attention flicker's to Levi again you notice his arm pulling back, throwing the controller across the room with anger worst than anything Satan could summon upon his worst day. 

"Don't fucking do that!"

You're stoned in place, eyes too scared to move from the sea snake, what went wrong? Why does something always go wrong?

"D-do what..?" 

It's not your fault that you're voice shakes and breaks, not your fault that the room starts to spiral out of control. It's his fault, all his fault...but is anything ever really his fault?

"Don't look happy! Or hopeful! You look so freaking ugly when you smile!"

His voice is shockingly low, like a mother trying to get her child to settle down after a tantrum. He's borderline cooing at you to "act" properly again. Never the less the venom and disgust are steel audible, glittering like a silver lining.

For once though it's not worth it to stop smiling, all the screams and yells and depravities of the world can't erase this smile from your face.

"Six thousand-year-old demon and you actually dream of death rather than eternal hell on earth or torturing the damned? You really are a broken one Leviathan."

The blue-haired sea monster just shrugs in reply before slithering closer, wrapping his slender bony arms around your waist, they feel like Thamnophis coiling around your midsection, sinking into your flesh. His heavy head falls onto your lap, you can practically hear all the outcries of jealousy and cries of purified agony. 

"What can I say...we're both two disgusting broken things that have no right to live or any claim to happiness...but well, fuck happiness who needs it...right?

Yeah, who needs a thing that only creeps into the heart under perfect circumstances and that floats away at the drop of a feather, who needs happiness and joy, when the two of you can forevermore rot in your own envy and depression....together.

Always together

Rotting forever.

"Right...screw happiness and all it's stupid worth."

🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

Souls Outtakes - The Spring Maiden

So, fun fact, who was going to be the Spring Maiden was something I went back and forth (between Vernal and Raven) quite a lot.

Originally the plan was Raven, but I was rather concerned for Yang’s mental state coming out of the Branwen Camp conflict thinking on top of Ruby, she’s now lost both Qrow and Raven.

There was an entire period where I planned Yang’s escape to be one on foot, so she’d be flying solo for a while.  I discarded the concept bc I couldn’t feasibly see Yang not throwing herself into the fight to save Qrow or spiraling out of control bc of how much she’s lost.  Yes, I’m mean, but I’m not that mean.

In the end, Vernal ended up being my choice bc of that, the fact it’d give me the opportunity to delve a little into her character, and, ultimately, I feel that Raven has way more story potential, so keeping her in my arsenal seems like a more strategic move.

That said, I did start writing a transfer scene in the white void space between Yang and Raven at some point.  I never finished it, but I figured I’d let you guys see it anyway ;)

(For what it’s worth, there was also an entire moment when I was writing JNR’s entrance to the Battle of Haven where I really really wanted to make Nora the maiden.  Sure, story-wise, it would make absolutely zero sense, but y’all have no idea how tempting that was.)

.

“Fuck.”  Is the first thing Raven says when Yang notices they’re wherever they are, alone together.  “Fuuuck.”

Yang glances around at the white abyss surrounding them.  “W-where are we?”

“Some sort of magical dimensional plane or something.”  Raven makes a vague hand gesture.  “Never figured it out myself and ol’ Ozpin always cared too much about being cryptic to explain anything.”

“I…what?”  Yang blinks.

“Right.  Of course they didn’t tell you anything.”  Raven lets out an exaggerated groan.  “Story of the Seasons—true.  Old wizard guy, Ozpin, gave magical powers to four sisters because they got him to stop being a depressed hermit.  Since then, the powers have been passed down to the girl in the previous maiden’s final thoughts.  A great responsibility or burden, depending on who you ask.”  Raven pauses.  “A dangerous one.  Be careful who you tell.  There are forces stronger than you can imagine, and they’ll come after you.”

“So, you’re de—“ Yang cuts herself off before she can say the word.  “And I…was the last one in your thoughts?”