#also the dating allegations are so funny i always forget the dating allegations every time they happen like. weren't u gay.??

[waitimcomingtoo]

That Should Be Me

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Synopsis: Peter hates your boyfriend almost as much as he loves Justin Bieber

Warnings: misogyny, jealously

Masterlist

“Wah.” You mumbled to yourself. Peter pulled himself away from his homework and looked at you. You were tangled in his sheets, makeup free and concentrating hard on your calculus homework.

“What’s wrong?” Peter asked with a coy smile. He felt like he could look at you forever. You ran your fingers through your hair and sighed.

“Gravity and my hair are working against me.” You said as hair fell into your eyes to prove you’re point.

“I got you.” Peter chuckled at your drama and got out of his desk chair. He sat next to you on the bed and gathered your hair in his hands. He divided your hair into three parts and braided in neatly. He was careful not to tug too hard or pull any baby hairs. He secured the end with your strawberry patterned scrunchie that he kept around his wrist at all times. He smiled proudly at his work as you reached back to feel the braid. 

“Where did you learn how to braid hair?” You asked with a surprised smile. “And when?”

“May taught me. And I’ve practiced on you before when you’re sleeping.” Peter admitted. “Is that creepy?”

“It’s definitely creepy.” You nodded. “But it’s the sweet kind of creepy, so I’ll allow it.”

“I’m scared to know other things classify as the sweet kind of creepy.” Peter chuckled again, flopping on the bed beside you. You rolled onto your back and curled into Peter’s side. He cooks feel your heartbeat against his ribcage and he prayed you couldn’t feel his.

“Never you mind. Thanks for the braid.” You toyed with your braid, admitting his work.

“Anytime.” Peter smiled at you, feeling his face heat up at his close you were.

“I can’t believe you still carry this around.” You played with the scrunchie at the end of your braid, remembering when you gave it to him freshman year because it clashed with your outfit.

“It’s my good luck charm. I plan on wearing it as I cross the stage at graduation to make my salutatorian speech.” Peter joked just that get a rise out of you.

“Peter Parker, you are not crossing the stage at graduation while wearing a strawberry scrunchie.” You warned him up front. “And you’re brilliant. How come you’re the salutatorian in this scenario? Who’s the valedictorian?”

“You.” Peter said like it were obvious. You couldn’t help but smile as his compliment.

“You gas me up too much.” You nudged his side. “I don’t deserve it.”

“You do deserve it.” Peter replied bashfully. You look at him through your eyelashes, studying his boyish features. You reached over and ran your thumb over his wild eyebrow in your endless attempt to smooth it down.

“You know I love you, don’t you?” You said softly as you looked into his eyes.

“How could I ever forget?” Peter smiled.

You were soulmates. Meant to be. Peter was sure of it. There was just one little problem.

You had a boyfriend.

Harry Osborn, class president of the Midtown Tech Junior class. He was an inch shorter than Peter, so yes, he was a little problem. It was important to Peter that people knew about their height difference.

Harry stole your heart at the sophomore winter formal. Peter had ditched you, much to his dismay, to go fight Adrian Toomes. Harry found you sitting alone on the bleachers and swooped in to save the day. The rest was history.

You’d been with Harry for over a year. It was old news. Nothing new. But everytime Peter saw Harry holding your hand or kissing your cheek, he had one thought:

That should be me

Your relationship with Harry was very different from your relationship with Peter.

“You coming to my game later?” Harry asked as he swiped through Instagram.

“Uh, I actually have plans to study with Peter.” You replied carefully, not wanting to spark his temper.

“Can’t Penis Parker study on his own?” Harry grumbled disdainfully.

“It’s Peter Parker and no, we always study together.” You said through a clenched smile.

“I cannot believe you’re ditching me for that geek. Some girlfriend you are.” Harry looked up from his phone and gave you a look.

“I went to almost all of your games this season, Harry. And not for nothing, you haven’t shown up to a single decathlon debate that I’ve invited you to.” You reminded him as you threw books in your locker.

“Because I have better things to do than watch nerd-palooza.” Harry snorted as if it were offensive you even asked.

“It’d be nice if you supported me.” You said quietly.

“And it’d be nice to have a girlfriend that watched my games instead of studying with the school freak.” Harry shot back.

“He’s not a freak. He’s my friend.” You corrected. “And you know math isn’t my strongest subject. Sorry, but I have to study.”

“Whatever.” Harry grumbled with a roll of his eyes.

“Don’t you have a game next week downtown?” You tried to lighten the mood.

“It’s in two weeks and it’s uptown, stupid.” Harry brought it right back down. “Do you even listen to me?”

“I’m sorry I-“ You began.

“Forget it. I have to go. I told Stacy I’d meet up with her before the game so she could show me the new cheer routine.” Harry said just to spite you.

“You’re hanging out with Stacy again?” You asked without looking at him. “I thought you guys had a nasty breakup?”

“We’re friends now. At least I can talk to her.” Harry shrugged. “Later.”

“Bye.” You said, but he had already walked away.

“Hey, so, I hate him.” Peter stepped in next to you after having witnessed the conversation.

“Join the club.” You laughed sadly.

“I started the club.” Peter insisted and you chuckled.

“Well, he’s not your biggest fan either.” You reminded him with a smile.

“Then why are you still with him?” Peter wondered. You stiffened for a moment before putting the rest of your books in your locker.

“We’ve been together for over a year. I can’t just dump him. That’s mean.” You said quietly, not meeting Peter’s eye as he leaned against the lockers.

“And the way he treats you, that’s not mean?” Peter asked you gently.

“That’s just how we are.” You shrugged.

“But are you happy with that?” He inquired.

“He loves me.” You replied stiffly.

“Okay. Great. Are you happy?” Peter repeated when you dodged his question.

“We have to get to class.” You muttered, shutting your locker and putting your backpack on your shoulder.

“You’re not stupid, by the way. You’re the smartest one in this school. He’d know that if he showed up to a single decathlon debate.” Peter said bitterly.

“It’s fine.“ You dismissed.

“He has no business calling you that. Especially since he asked me how to spell “elevator” the other day.” Peter continued.

“It’s fine, Peter.” You repeated, wishing he’d drop the subject.

“It’s not fine. You deserve better.” He stopped you and looked you in the eyes. It infuriated him that Harry had something so valuable but treated her like she meant nothing. If you were Peter’s girlfriend, you wouldn’t be upset all the time. You’d enjoy life again. He wished he could show you that.

“Whatever that means.” You smiled sadly, dropping the subject.

Peter hated Harry, and Harry wasn’t too fond of Peter in return. Harry didn’t like the way Peter was always touching you, always with you, or how some days, you’d show up wearing Peters hoodie.

“I was just cold, babe. He leant it to me. That’s all.” You’d assure your jealous boyfriend.

Peter hated seeing you two together. Not even because Harry was dating the girl Peter loved, though that was part of it. He hated the way Harry treated you. He’d cheat on you and you knew it. You were just too naive to break it off.

“He said he won’t do it again.” You said through your reoccurring tears.

“He said that about the last four cheerleaders he hooked up with.” Peter reminded you as he stroked your hair. “You knew he and Stacy were more than just friends.”

“He loves me.” You’d insist, even when you no longer believed it.

“This isn’t love, darling.” Peter pulled you into his chest as you let out more sobs. “This is not love.”

In addition to that, Harry saw you as nothing more than a pretty face. While Peter and you’re friends knew your pretty face was the least interesting thing about you, Harry couldn’t see past that. You were smart, funny, brave, witty, talented, and big hearted. To Harry, you were hot and available. Peter wanted to smack the smug smirk off Harry’s face every time he smacked your butt, despite the many times you told him you hated that, or when he’d speak loudly of your alleged “encounters” in the locker room.

“You won’t believe what my girl did to me last night.” Harry boasted as he sprayed deodorant under his arms. Peter kept to himself as he changed into his gym uniform in the corner, but he listened closely as Harry’s meathead friends pressed him for details.

“You wouldn’t even believe it if I told you. My girl is a freak.” Harry said smugly. Peter knew damn well you and Harry had never gone past kissing. Not even passionate kissing. Pecks and kisses on cheeks, as you told Peter. You always stopped things when they went out of your comfort zone, and Harry always found what you wouldn’t give him with another girl. It was a painful cycle that you wouldn’t break, though Peter wished you would. And Peter also knew you spent last night in his bedroom, not Harry’s, studying for chemistry while chucking paper balls at each other. So whoever Harry was talking about, it wasn’t you.

“My bitch will do anything I say. She’s like a damn dog, always begging for it.” Harry laughed.

“Damn. Y/n is a freak!” A member of Harry’s entourage cheered.

Peter had tried to bite his tongue, but he just couldn’t. How dare someone speak of you that way, he thought. He closed his locker and stormed up tk where Harry and his friends were.

“First of all, women aren’t “bitches”, you neanderthal.” Peter sighed. “And Y/n was with me last night. So whatever “freak” you were getting your jollies off with last night, it wasn’t her. We both know she never has and never will want that from you.” Peter said coldly. Harry and his friends looked at Peter with surprised smiles.

“Listen Parker, I don’t know what “jollies” are, but you better watch your mouth.” Harry warned.

“And if I don’t? What are you gonna do? Cheat on me?” Peter was feeling brave and had a little time on his hands.

“Parker, you’re stupid with two o’s if you think you can speak to me that way.” Harry stepped up to Peter. Peter smirked a little, relishing in the one inch of height he had on Harry.

“But you can speak about Y/n all you want right? That’s how that works?” Peter tilted his head to the side.

“Why don’t you shut up before I make you?” Harry cracked his fingers.

“Go on then, make me” ,Peter smiled before adding, “shorty.”

Harry threw a punch at Peter, which Peter caught with ease. He didn’t punch Harry back. He didn’t need too. The shocked look on Harry’s face was enough.

“Nice bracelet, Parker. Your boyfriend give it to you?” Harry scraped his dignity together to insult the scrunchie Peter wore on his wrist. Your scrunchie.

“It’s Y/n’s.” Peter replied, and he saw the jealous fire ignite behind Harry’s eyes. “And I’m not gonna fight you, Harry. But I am gonna warn you. You need to break up with Y/n. She won’t do it, even though she knows she needs too.”

“And what if I don’t?” Harry asked through a clenched jaw. “What are you gonna do?“

“I…” Peter trailed off. He didn’t know what he was gonna do. He didn’t have a plan before threatening Harry.

“That’s what I thought.” Harry smirked. He banged the locker next to Peters head and walked away.

Peter went home that day carrying a greater hatred for Harry than he had woken up with.

It seemed every encounter with your boyfriend further proved Peter’s point that he was no good for you. Peter wasn’t a stranger to this feeling. He had a remedy for when he was in his feelings.

“Karen, play That Should Be Me by Justin Bieber.” Peter ordered. The music started playing and Peter grabbed a comb to sing into. He sang to his reflection at the top of his lungs.

“Do you do what you did when you did with me? Does he love you the way I can?“ Peter belted into the comb.

“Very good, Peter.” Karen commented.

“Thanks, Karen.” The eyes of his mask gave the mirror a comical wink before he went back to his song. “That should be me, holding your hand. That should be me, making you laugh. That should be me, this is so sad.”

“Period.” Karen said.

“That should be me, feeling your kiss. That should be me, buying you gifts.” Peter was screaming now. “This is so wrong. I can't go on ‘till you believe that should be me.”

Peter finished his ballad within the hour and left for patrol. By six, he was home from patrol, showered, and had you laying on his bed skimming through a history textbook.

“I just don’t believe you.” You said absentmindedly.

“It’s true! You have to believe me.” Peter exclaimed.

“Birds don’t fly in the shape of the Star of David, Peter.” You looked up from the textbook. “I don’t buy it.”

“But I literally saw it when I was on patrol! I’ll prove it to you.” Peter got out of his chair and grabbed his Spider-Man mask.

“How?” You asked, loving who worked up he was getting.

“Karen records everything I see. Put my mask on and I’ll show you the birds.” Peter held the mask out to you. You looked at it skeptically until a smile crossed your face.

“Okay, but the second your mask starts to smell like Axe and pizza rolls, I’m taking it off.” You told him.

“Whatever you say.” Peter laughed as he slipped the mask on over your face. “Karen, play footage from earlier today.”

“Playing footage from January 27th.” Karen said dutifully.

“I need to know should I fight for our love or disarm. It's getting harder to shield this pain in my heart.” Footage of Peter singing into a hair comb in the mirror with his Spider-Man mask on his face appeared in front of you.

“What is this?” You laughed. Peter’s heart stopped when he heard the dulcet sounds of Justin Bieber coming from the mask.

“Oh dear God.” Peter whispered. He lunged for the mask but you backed away.

“No, I need to see this.” You said through your laughter as you watched the video.

“Y/n.” Peter whined as he attempted to get the mask off your head.

“That should be ME, holding your hand! That should be ME, making you laugh!” Peter screamed as Karen egged him on. “That should be ME, this is so sad.”

“How could you not tell me you have Bieber Fever?” You asked in pretend offense.

“Karen, fast forward!” Peter shouted. The video feed fast forwarded to Peter, still in front of his mirror, panting heavily from his previous performance.

“Are we an item? Girl, quit playing. We’re just friends, what are you saying? Said "There’s another," and looked right in my eyes. My first love broke my heart for the first time, and I was like baby, baby, baby oh.” A video of Peter singing “Baby” appeared before you.

“FAST FOWARD KAREN!” Peter yelled again.

“Karen, play Boyfriend by Big Time Rush.” Peter said into the mirror in the video.

“There’s more?!” You nearly shrieked, loving every second of what you were seeing.

“YOU’RE LOOKING FOR A BOYFRIEND, I SEE THAT. GIVE ME TIME, YOU KNOW I’M GONNA louder Karen BE THAT.” The video of Peter played. He was even more into this song than the last. He was jumping around his room in his boxers, screaming the lyrics as loud as he could.

“Please take the mask off.” Peter put his head in his hands and mumbled.

“CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I REALLY WANT IS TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND Y/N!” Peter sang and your laughter immediately haulted. “YOUR B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BOYFRIEND.”

“That’s enough.” Peter said and this time, you listened. You slowly took the mask off and looked at you your red faced best friend.

“You said my name.” You said, mainly to yourself as you held the mask out to him.

“It’s a part of the song.” Peter lied, taking the mask from your hands.

“Peter, you’re talking to Big Time Rush’s number one fan. I know my name is not in the song.” You said, staring at him intensely, looking for an answer. Peter avoided eye contact with you and toyed with the edges of his mask. You got off Peter’s bed and knelt down beside his desk chair. You were close enough to see the red splotches on his neck from embarrassment.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” You put a hand on his knee and rubbed it gently with your thumb.

“I hate your boyfriend.” Peter said after a minute in a soft voice.

“I already knew that.” You looked at him closely. Peter fidgeted in his seat and let out a sigh.

“I wanna be your boyfriend.” Peter said, eyes slowly trailing up to se shout face and gage your reaction. You stopped rubbing his knee and sat in silence for a moment.

“My b-b-b-b-b-b-boyfriend?” You said after a moment. Peter got out of his chair and walked towards the window.

“Don’t.” He deadpanned.

“I didn’t know that.” You said softly as you stood up. Peter turned to you and you could see the redness in his eyes.

“Because I didn’t tell you.” He said weakly.

“Is that why you wanted me to break up with Harry?” You took a step closer and Peter looked away.

“I wanted you to break up with Harry because he’s a villain. That never had anything to do with my feelings for you.” Peter admitted. “I just wanted what was best for you.”

“Oh.” You said simply. “It’s funny, I wanted to break up with him for a different reason.”

“What was your reason?” Peter wondered.

“That I’m in love with my best friend.” You cracked a smile. “And that’s what I told Harry after school today when I dumped him.” You went to Peter and rested your hands on his chest. “I know about what happened in the locker room. I know you stood up for me.”

“You’re in love with me?” He asked hopefully, his hands going to your waist as a tiny smile appeared on his face.

“Yes.” You confirmed. “Even if you lie about seeing birds flying in the shape of the Star of David.”

“I really saw those birds.” He swore.

“I really don’t care.” You put your hands on Peter’s face. “Do you know what else I told Harry?”

“What?” Peter asked, drawing you even closer.

“I’m not into short guys.” You shrugged before pulling him into a kiss. Peter kissed you back, finally feeling at ease. He cupped your face and pulled you impossibly closer.

“I have an idea for our first activity as a couple.” You smiled once you pulled away.

“What’s that?” Peter asked with a coy smile.

“Karen, play One Less Lonely Girl by Justin Bieber.” You ordered.

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona​ @foreverxholland​ @writing-for-hours-on-end​ @lavender-writer​ @captainmandeestudent17​ @whatareyouhidingpeter​ @takenbyheartstrings​ @ultrunning​ @imyourliquor-youremypoison​ @theolwebshooter​ @andreasworlsboring101​ @guksmyfav​ @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines​ @ho-ho-holland @peterparkoure​ @a-villain-vying-for-attention​ @m19friend @justcallmehitgirl​ @averyfosterthoughts​ @jackiehollanderr​ @tiny-friggin-human​ @celestial-skylines​ @loveat2am​ @mara-twins​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @delicately-important-trash​ @mjspxrker​ @spideygirl2003 @the-crazy-fanfictionist​ @kii-mii​ @maryjanee23​ @spacebitch2​ @vgiselle​ @geeksareunique​

[terrablaze514]

Being Black + R. Kelly, Living With Secrets, and Writing Catatonic Fanfics

Hey everyone.

I'm up extra early, because this is bugging my mind and heart right now. The words might leave if I don't voice (write) it.

In a few hours, I'll be going to church again. Christian, yes. Predominantly Black, you've guessed it. Both of these cancel each other out. Why?

Despite my suspicions growing up, the vast majority of Black people I knew (family, friends, acquaintances, etc.) were still jamming to R. Kelly's music. It makes all the more sense why he's known as, "The Pied Piper", and that's scary as buck if you stop to think about it.

I've never understood why he was permitted to keep making music. Why the buck does Wendy Williams still have an audience? Why did 2Pac and Michael Jackson get destroyed by false allegations (until their sunset), while R. Kelly is still a free man in the music industry with proof of sexual deviance in multiple court cases?

I was 7 when I was molested by a grown woman. I couldn't approach my parents about it, because she became a close friend to my mother, got closer to other notable family friends, and I was already misunderstood at school and church (Grade 2 was a horrible year). My parents were also coming to terms with their breakup, so it didn't help (because what if they had another physical altercation?). Top that with the ongoing belief that men were innately predators...

October 2018, I've had a nightmare of her stalking me while visiting my hometown (the 514) - woke up in a sweat, purchased Black Panther on Google Play Movies, and watched the movie until my eyes shut again... Because mentally, I needed to feel safe. I wanted Wakanda's protection. And I ended up getting it in my dreams (occasionally). M'Baku and The Jabari Tribe are the best!

Back on topic... So, while I'm happy that justice is happening, I'm also disappointed. Deeply disappointed in The Black Community for sweeping this issue under the rug.👏🏾Every.👏🏾 Single.👏🏾Time.👏🏾 I understand firsthand why it's hard to come forward. Allow me to explain (and these are some of the reasons why going to church is a farce in my book).

I've shared with a few Gundam Wing fans (via Discord) that I've sung in three choirs (four if school curriculum counts). To this day, I still jam to my favourite songs and sing as a secret means to calm down when times are too stressful (and if I have no access to a pen and notebook). So why bring this up? Simply put, during my tenure in the third choir, I was spanked and grabbed on the buttocks for holding the door open for an elderly man. [This isn't funny, so if you're laughing, check yourself or leave my blog ASAP]. Not only did this trigger my fear and cripple my confidence as a young adult, but I wasn't able to focus. I've felt scared... Moreso when I've relayed the incident to a few choir members. They've laughed it off, because it sounded funny to them.

It didn't help that this also happened a week after one of my closest friends had died from cancer (and I couldn't make it to his funeral). So being forced to laugh it off, take it with a grain of salt, and keeping it moving wasn't easy. Also, being Black means you don't cry. "Stay strong," is all people would ever say.

I've also been approached and stalked by some strange men, around my age (no older than 27). I'd be waiting at the bus stop so I can commute to work. Strange man shows up, and requests (to the point of begging) that I take the taxi with him. One week later, he begs me to skip work and come over to his place. For what, only God knows. I didn't go, but I've sent text messages to friends. The majority of them found it funny - except one, who also called to check up on me. If it were up to him, he'd drive across town and set the stalker straight.

That was then.

There was a fellow co-worker (cisgender woman) who used to touch, or feel up my inner thighs and buttocks without my consent, and in the presence of customers. How many times have I reported her, yet supervisors promoted her, and would say, "That's her way of giving people props."

What the heck?

Then, by the time I was 25, I've reached my breaking point despite graduating from college and acquiring two careers to call my own. My physical appearance (gaining weight), marital status ("let's find a boyfriend for you on WhatsApp Messenger"), and popularity were the only things that mattered. Damn it all to the grave.

Dating prospects were more like, groomers. And they were all Christian Churchians.💯 I've never given up the V-card, but I've tried to fit in to the point of mental starvation and social exhaustion. In the worst case scenario, I've heard adults (including a parent) poke rape jokes. What's so funny about that?

We sure as hell did not deserve Aaliyah, because the ignorance is real.

I've ended up writing a fanfic project that deals with the music industry, and emphasizes deep comparisons between a good rep team versus an evil rep team, by pulling bits and pieces of experiences by real artists, as well as my "inability to be more transparent/speak up/get out of my shell", and conceptions of what could go wrong if there was no access to a healthy outlet... Combined them into the realities of the characters I'm borrowing. It's still in progress; I'm a perfectionist, yet, the story needs to be told.

There's a second project where two cousins grow up together in the kingdom, get separated after the death of a family member, and the elder cousin searches for his bestie in America. Friendships are formed, but there's also a rampant rape culture against girls in the community where his cousin took residence... Pedophiles will get killed after witnessing the dismissal of reports by police. Go figure.

Writing these types of things, is an outlet. I don't condone abuse, murder, things of that dark nature, but honestly. I grew up in a rape culture. I need a healthy way to deal with (process) that.

Talking about it to people is only safe enough in therapy sessions. Outside of that, get laughed at. Mocked. Told that You deserve it (or did something to deserve it).

I've contemplated suicide last month. Resurfaced memories do more harm than good... And even if I followed through on December 29th (I'm glad I didn't), everything in this post, especially the woman predator who was a babysitter, is the secret I would've taken to my grave. Who could I talk to without feeling unsafe or unwelcome? Without laughing it off in a dismissive manner? Without assuming that I've done something to deserve it, like forgetting to pull on my panties first?

No one.

I've been taught that my big butt, juicy thighs, bust... Yet fat belly, rolls on my back, and somewhat bouncy arms, are something to be ashamed of. From 14 to 23, I used to sport Beyoncé's figure (used to be slimmer)... Yet I still had to feel guilty for embracing that, because if I didn't cover up... If I walked out late... If I didn't keep up with trends... if I didn't turn up for what... If I didn't drop it like it's hot, turn around and bump bump bump, my body too bootylicious for 'em, 'cause if it's worth it lemme work it... And whenever I did these things...

I am guilty.

Now that I'm older, and I don't do these things as often...

I am still guilty.

Because I grew up in a community and a society that hates rapists and pedophiles while making excuses for rapists and pedophiles if I spoke up. If other girls and women spoke up. If boys and men came forward with their true accounts without receiving homophobic comments, or the overused, "You became a real man, congratulations!" Canada's Supreme Court will not keep a sex predator behind bars for more than ten years. That's all the additional proof you need.

The hypocrisy was real, and it still is.

There was an incident where a little girl complained about a church elder touching her... No one believed her.

Later on in my teens, a teenage boy was falsely accused of sexual harassment, and everyone believed the lie (except his closest friends, whom told her to stop following them around).

Another church elder (and a Bible thumper), fondled my breasts out of spite - and my mother blamed me! The next time I've seen that elder, I've set her straight, but who the hell am I for talking? She's still the most respected because she knows every scripture passage, from Genesis to Revelation, and also knows every volume, word for word, from The Spirit of Prophecy. So she has no sin...

THE LIES!

I was nervous shaky the entire time.

So growing up Black, in a church community, as a girl (now a woman) had many catastrophes. I'm not crazy for putting this out there, just keeping it real. I'll be in church in approximately less than three hours from now, and if anyone cracks jokes or makes demeaning comments about R. Kelly's current and former victims, talking about how they're fast, and how they should've come forward... Nah, Hollywood gets away with sexual deviance against minors. A large percentage of them have bought R. Kelly's music, at music stores and on iTunes/Google Play Music. No surprise, huh? As much as I love my church family, I cannot accommodate the ignorance that's gone on for my whole life so far. *Sigh* This has blackened my heart, I just... I am at a loss, not only for R. Kelly's victims, but every child and youth who will be targeted by men and women who cannot be trusted.

I will always support Black Empowerment, Black Lives Matter and Black History... But I have zero tolerance for the enabling of pedophiles and rapists. Even the jokes. It's distasteful.

If you are a supporter/apologist of R. Kelly, Sparkle, Marques Houston, and any other person who'd used/subjected minors to assault and/or grooming, get off my page. And stop pretending to be a huge Aaliyah fan... We've lost her because the adults in her life had failed in exchange for her fame. We also owe Michael Jackson's family an apology for destroying his character and career under false allegations, while R. Kelly was still a free man, preying on girls and grooming boys to become like him... And all the evidence of his crimes were readily available on the archives while I was in Junior High. While we're at it, Kitti Jones and Drea Kelly need to take several seats. They've had every opportunity to approach the police. They've known what R. Kelly did to all those girls and how it's destroyed their youth. They are the poorest examples of how to put sex offenders in their place, just so they can get money now that #MeToo (who never gave a damn about half of your experiences, unless you were penetrated by a man)... Nuh-uh! The lives that were destroyed by rape, molestation, grooming and exploitation matter more than the money anyone might make from a case that should've been dealt with decades ago! My heart is very heavy throughout this post. I know it's Sabbath hours, but I'm currently listening to "Don't Stay" by Linkin Park, because it truly reflects my thoughts and memories, in the wake of #SurvivingRKelly.

Everyone (especially Black people) who put on R. Kelly during weddings and birthday celebrations, I've taken notes. You will not be trusted around my future children (if it's meant to be). I've never healed, yet. The community does not offer a safe space to heal from the damage that's been done. So when I hear about Chester Bennington (Linkin Park -I hope I spelled his name right), AJ and Nick (Backstreet Boys - their parents stood up for their sons), B2K (especially Raz-B), IMx, Sammy, O'Ryan, the victim of Brock Turner, a few victims of Bill Cosby and that actor from 7th Heaven, the young girl who was sexually assaulted and exploited by that loser who was granted a chance to finish up his studies at UofC (University of Calgary), Natasha McKenna who was stripped, dehumanized and tasered in her last moments by eight men, the former victims of Eddie Long who were forcibly silenced, the girl who was raped, hospitalized and raped again in the hospital by her father and brother... This is real ish. I have no more words. Leave my page if you support R. Kelly... Special shoutout to John Legend for keeping it real. Another special shoutout to Terry Crews who spoke up. To the victims of Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey, you also need to get your voices heard, because you also matter. To the victims of Ryan Seacrest, the same also applies. May Corey Haim Rest in Power, because Charlie Sheen is getting his just reward for what he did decades ago. Although I'm glad B2K is reuniting for tour, I've been conflicted with how R. Kelly wrote your popular hits. That wasn't your fault, though. Your former manager (Chris Stokes - another pedophile) had that set up for your grooming - good thing y'all left TUG behind when you did. Other artists and notable faces in the entertainment industry - you don't have to comment, but I beseech you to STOP collaborating with R. Kelly. What he did to those girls is beyond me. If you keep enabling him, you're now guilty for proving that rape is okay.

It is not.💯

[these-are-the-first-steps]

It’s 3am... (Ode to an old favorite fic writer)

so would it be alright if I gushed about one of my life-long favorite fanfic authors?

She went by Jade, and she wrote what we’d call crack fics today. At the time, it was just ‘parody’. And her most famous stuff was for Xena.

If you guys didn’t know, “Xena” essentially invented the AU. At the time we called them ‘ubers’ (no idea why). But even the show made episodes like them- suddenly everyone's descendants are excavating in greece in the 1940s. Or in the future where a reincarnated bad guy makes clones of the heroes and uses episodes of the show (breaking the 4th wall) to download their personalities into the clones. Or modern-day where everyone’s descendants/reincarnations again are attending Xena conventions and Ares shows up STILL trying to date the new carrier of Xena’s soul. “Mer-May”? Try an ep where Xena’s sidekick Gabrielle hits her head and hallucinates she’s a mermaid with a squid and a blowfish for kids all with a 1960s aesthetic.

These were actual episodes of Xena, sprinkled around main storyline eps full of blood-drinking, vestal virgin deflowering, god-killing, and summoning the literal devil. They were insane. And they opened up the fanfic floodgates, so to speak. To this day, to my knowledge, “Xena” is the only tv show that’s ever hired a fanfic writer off the net to write a couple of episodes for the show that they really did make. Her name is Missy Good, and I’m still proud as hell of her.

I’m digressing, though. But take the crack/parody fics, mix it with the early birth of the AU, and suddenly you get Jade’s works. Masterpieces. They were written quite awhile ago now but they still absolutely kill me. I remember sitting at the computer when I was about 12-13 and wheezing because I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard.

Basically, the reason why I don’t do crack/parody fics is because Jade set the bar so high in my mind I know anything I attempt will automatically be garbage in comparison.

What’s also nice about Jade’s work is that you don’t necessarily have to have watched every episode of Xena to get a kick out of it (although it helps- ‘Hercules’, too). They’re funny even on their own. But luckily since most of us at least know of “Xena” (story of former ancient greek warlord Xena, Ares’s Chosen, giving up warfaring to be a ‘good guy’ and help others with her flower-sniffing sidekick gabrielle, who Xena later accidentally molds into a killing machine while Ares stalks her every waking moment- ahhhh my first otp, xena and ares...<3), it shouldn’t be too hard to appreciate.

So I’d like to share a couple of Jade’s fics, because everybody needs a good laugh and sometimes checking out things that aren’t star wars is nice, too. So please enjoy this tiny selection (have my fic recs ever steered you wrong?) and don’t forget to read the disclaimers- Jade’s were always the best.

(very) Short Stories:

“Attention Shoppers” Xena and Ares go shopping at a modern-day grocery store when a blue light special causes unnecessary competition and a disgusting amount of price checks for embarrassing items. Also, someone won’t get off the kiddie rides.

“Arguing on the Ides” Xena and Gabrielle have been crucified by Caesar, and frankly Xena’s just not satisfied with Gab’s confession of alleged ‘love’ before they were hauled up into the snow. Callisto’s no help, and after stabbing Caesar up, Brutus is more concerned with beheading and staking him than saving the two. Satan also comes to call to politely ask Xena to be his, even though she’s a little busy dying at the moment.

Long Fics:

“The Great Wall” Possibly my all-time favorite fanfic. Nearly every single character from “Xena” AND “Hercules” grace this story. Herc’s overbearing mother needs yet another wall built to defend her from kidnappers and he’s fed up. He invites everyone he knows and then some- it’s going to be the biggest wall in creation. Drug use, alcohol consumption, communal bath time, wooden spoon-hitting, fornicating, visits from Hell, and a whole slew of other bizarre goings-on happen here. Definitely worth the read.

“Government Cheese” It’s modern day, Xena’s immortal, and she and Ares are shacked up in a cheap hole living on welfare because why not? Aphrodite, listless in this age, sleeps on their kitchen floor, Cupid’s in jail, and Herc is now a notorious hobo living in a cardboard box with a poster of Pamela Anderson on their roof. They’re disgusting, so Zeus and Hera decide to intervene. They need to clean. And need jobs. And they know just who to bring back from the dead to motivate them (spoilers: it’s gabrielle).

----

I managed to find Jade again, a couple years ago. A suspicious screen name ended up leading me to her FF.net account. I sent her a message, and nearly fell over when I found out I was right- that it was her. Finally, after growing up reading her silliness, I could thank her for it. And thank her I did. I was even able to help her recover some lost stories thanks to the internet archive. I’m not sure if she was especially keen on someone recognizing her from her work back then (she later changed her screenname to something very different), but I’m glad I got to say thanks to her for helping make my truly horrendous middle school years a little more tolerable. :,)

So the moral of this story is that you DO have an impact on readers, fic writers! You DO have an impact! People will remember your work for years to come! And you will even inspire future writers some day! So take pride in that, and know that you’re helping make peoples’ lives brighter. <3

[sixmorningsafter]

How Gabi Ruined Me: A SMA Review of Ch. 15

GUESS WHO’S BACK AND READY TO REVIEW THE EFF OUT OF THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE OMG THIS IS STRAIGHT GOLD.

It’s me, hi Gabi, you’re a blessing.

REPLY:

Hi Cassie, it’s me, you’re hysterical. Also, I’m going to start indenting my parts instead of y’alls parts because I’ve realized that’s way easier and I’m dumb.

Overall, I really like this “episode” style you’ve got going on. I know it’s problematic word-count-wise (it’s actually not a problem at all, I have no idea where you got that from, but if you say so). And your style is really unique, so it’s always a delight to see what you’ve created.

REPLY:

lmaoooo I’m glad you benefit from my misery. (No but real talk, this format’s new for me so I’m super happy it’s working for you, man.)

Steroline Sex

Nice. But also, unrelated to the actual sex, how you wrote it without being cringey or too graphic is a great feat. Like good job dude. And forget the sex again, but the intimacy was also nice. Like nice. Like, in the carnality of it, I find it interesting that in this moment, you read Stefan for who he is—the guy who looks for intimacy over physicality, the guy who craves the relational over the carnal. Like, nice, dude, A+ with extra credit. It’s hard to pull off, I think, but it so mirrors what the real world is like? Also your writing style, again, is some really great stuff. Like, maybe you should quit your day job?

REPLY:

LMAO idk why but every time you say nice I just imagine you doing this dude bro nod and the 👌  emoji and I love it. Tyler approves. But also, GIRL, writing smut was friggin’ uncharted adventure time for me so you don’t even know how happy this feedback makes me. I’ve been pulled right out of stories before because things suddenly take a really porny turn (and I start laughing because I’m an infant), so I really wanted to avoid that without skimping out too much on details. And gah, all of your notes on Stefan and his instinctive search for something deeper (even in the face of a sex contract and hot girl on his lap) are so perfect, and I’m happy as hell that’s what came across because that’s definitely what I was aiming for. And AW, girl, psh - right back at you re: writing style! Like I’m pretty sure this review is funnier and better written than the fic itself but whaaaaatever.

Beginning of the Bonkaimon (is this the right ship name???) Date

Kai’s apartment: lol, much like Damon, I was no expecting this Christmas wonderland (horror) either. But also, LOL at what Damon was expecting lol.

REPLY:

lololol I sat in Starbucks and stared blankly into space for like 20 minutes to come up with all the things someone might expect from Kai’s apartment, and I’m pretty sure I terrified at least three people because I’d just suddenly start villain cackling. Imagining a room full of nothing but shelves of blinking furbies made me laugh for like five minutes. 

Kai + Pinterest: not a big factor, but I find it hilarious that he was even on it??? Like could imagine, between gutting a swan, he’s casually scrolling through DIY Christmas décor?

REPLY:

‘between gutting a swan, he enjoys casually scrolling through DIY Christmas décor’ is totally on his online dating profile somewhere

The Bamon back-and-forth is too much. Like way too much, in the best way possible. They are literally children. Bonnie’s “villian origin story” quip is literally my fav. Damon’s “our thing” is sooooooooooooo like him what the heck, you pegged it; Damon saying “Like I know we have a thing and all, but—“ just made me laugh so hard.

REPLY:

Aren’t they the dumbest? So happy you enjoyed that part because it was fun as hell to write. If writing was just zippy dialogue I’d have finished this fic 200 years ago.

KAI’S FREAK OUT ABOUT THE COATS: dude you did a good job with that. Like a really good job. You can really see the distraught.

Kai’s “the stuffed mushrooms are fluffy and delicious… just like me” bit was very cute, like too cute for a psychopath.

The chit-chat: yes, it was a sneak peek, no, it didn’t affect the hilarity of it within the chapter at all.

Sniper love, I kind of love it. Like that Kai has a date at all? Like how did he even manage that? Omg and is his date just as crazy as him? Idk if you watch B99, but Holt and Kevin lol, that’s what I’m imagining.

REPLY:

HOLT AND KEVIN YEEEESSS. Love that. I think in this case, Kai’s pretending to be breezy and confident about his date in front of Bonnie and Damon, like ‘happens all the time just another Saturday in Kai-town’, but he actually has literally no idea what he’s doing and is a little panicky about it, lololol. He was probably just at work looking all cute and brilliant and some hotshot sniper made the mistake of thinking he was just a quirky nerd instead of a legitimate threat to the planet. I have a plan for Kai in terms of romantic entanglements down the road that I think’ll show just how painfully awkward he is in those situations, loooool. Should be fun for sure.  

Bonnie’s true self coming through, and Damon noticing? Damon noticing in general? My heart can’t handle it. You know bamon is my main ship, main otp, main everything? But like, this part is everything (and another part later). I like Bonnie’s true self tbh. Like yeah, she made some mistakes with it, but it’s also a little more interesting than the self she created.

REPLY:

Bonnie’s such a messy tangle of flaws and virtues, and I think her problem is that she’s spent so much of her life living in extremes. Like she’s either pure light or a total eclipse - she’s never actually let herself exist as a collage of light and shadow, or rather, doesn’t realize she even can. I think a lot of that has to do with the degree to which she indulged in her darkness during that teen rebel phase, like her anger and hurt were so all-consuming (and the people she surrounded herself with were so intent on stoking the flames of it) that she feels like she can’t let any part of that in without it taking over. She’s afraid of that darkness being all that she really is, and that’s why her mom left, that’s why her dad was a checked out alcoholic - they somehow saw that in her and it’s only a matter of time before everyone else does, too. I think where Damon comes to play is that he’s an instinctive observer of people, and he’s obviously taken an interest in Bonnie and making sense of her. So far, he’s picked up on the light (brave, empathetic, optimistic, kind, a fierce instinct to help) and he’s picked up on the dark (angry, self-sabotaging, competitive, a taste for danger) and at first glance, the two seem so wildly different that he’s like ‘which one’s real’. But I think what I’m really trying to build toward with Bonnie is that she’s not one or the other, she’s both. In harmony. And that ultimately, letting in her ‘dark side’ wouldn’t take anything away from her compassion and optimism and impassioned drive to make the world a better place - if anything, it’d just make her light side shine even brighter, you know? 

And likewise, Damon’s a character with a similar but inverted complex - he’s somehow grown up with the idea that he’s not a good guy and doesn’t care about anything, but he’s actually done some pretty heroic shit? Like, he turned in his own parents because of the things they were doing to people - parents who grown ass hardened criminals were terrified of. And he was ten. He went through foster home after foster home of neglect and abuse, all of which calcified his alleged numbness to the world, and yet couldn’t help himself from becoming a constant buffer between Tyler and his abusive dad. He was more in love with Katherine than she ever was with him and yet his awareness of that never stopped him from being there for her, even when he kind of hated her, because the weight of their shitty lives mattered more than the weight of his feelings. When he accidentally pushed Bonnie into a spiral, he dove in to deal with it, in large part because it was his fault, but also because he knew he was the best option for her, and he didn’t want to see Caroline and Stefan take that on. And there’s more hero-revealing things ahead for him in the story, which kind of begs the question, ‘why are you so convinced you’re this hedonist who doesn’t care when you actually do more good than a lot of people who do care?’ And Bonnie is absolutely starting to piece this all together, so it’s a similar dynamic on either side.  Anyway, that’s my dissertation on how to go into an entirely unsolicited rambling meta in response to wonderful and pertinent feedback. 

Kai’s “you two must have a crazy sex life”, I think it’s funny ‘cause he could have left it at that and gotten away with it, but continuing with details just killed those chances (and it also killed me).

REPLY:

looool right? Kai’s one of those characters that’s always right on the cusp of having a normal moment and then nope, never mind, hail mary throw to loony land right at the last second. 

Caroline’s Freakout

I love how chaotic you write Caroline’s internal struggle. Because, like she realizes, she’s being irrational, and that’s exactly how her thoughts come across. Excellent work with that. “Everything about him was a goddamn error,” superb line, dude. That’s how exactly how I pegged the sma Steroline relationship (and the sma Bamon one, but on the side of Bonnie being the error anomaly to Damon). Like, honestly, when Caroline’s like “he’d known what he was doing”, I’m like,” y’all were having sex? You must’ve looked like you were liking it???” Caroline frustrates me sometimes, but like, she’s frustrating herself (and Stefan), so that makes sense and also kudos.

And then she lashes out at Stefan, and Stefan’s like, “I know”. Yikes.com. And I like how she realizes the physicality of what they did isn’t much different from what she and other guys did. It’s just him that’s different. And oh man, I love how Stefan’s like, “I didn’t mean to hurt you”, and she’s like “dude wait stop you’re not supposed to apologize for this”.

So many emotions dude. Mainly ‘cause I can relate to avoidance thing (yikes), but also ‘cause you can tell she’s trying to figure herself out, trying to correct her behavior (kinda), but then she reverts. A+.

REPLY:

Gaaah, all of that makes me so happy because that’s exactly what I was going for. You’re frustrated with her, but you know you’re supposed to be frustrated with her ‘cause even she’s frustrated with herself, you know? I’ve always found that I’m really forgiving of flawed characters when they’re aware of their flaws (and when other people are allowed to get fed up with their shit), so going into that scene, that’s what I tried to keep in mind - she’s going to be irrational and defensive and I need to make sure everyone knows that I know that this isn’t cool. It isn’t intriguing or exciting. It’s frustrating and repetitive and I know it, Caroline knows it, and Stefan knows it, and because of that, it’ll be confronted, you know? And yeah, that ‘he knew what he was doing’ line was exactly for that reason - Caroline clearly played a role in what happened, like it takes two to tango gurl, so I hoped that would hammer in how unreliable her narration was in that second. That, and the fact that when he starts apologizing, like you said, she’s like ‘stop’ because obviously he really didn’t do anything that bad and she knows that. Super, super stoked that the scene played out for you the way it did, man. Best feedback ever. Eloquent af. A+ goes to you.

Bamon’s first trip to Wine Cellar

Touching + promixity + commentary = horny Bonnie + smug Damon + heaps of hilarity

REPLY:

They’re like X-rated toddlers.

“You’ve been in love?” conversation was really good. I mean it was short, but I loved it. Like, called out much?

REPLY:

I literally had no idea I was going to write that until it just showed up on the word doc, but it ended up being one of my fave exchanges, so I’m so happy you liked it, too!

And then the “earthworm” argument: LOL.

“Like your entire face is rebelling against it—you look like you’re about to have a stroke.” LOLOLOLOLOLOL. What’s even funnier is I imagine Damon coming back with a doctor comment lol.

REPLY:

‘Uh-oh, better give me a full physical.’

The kiss/attack. Kai’s probably right, their sex life is will probably be crazy.

REPLY:

Definitely won’t get bored.

Bonnie’s flashback. Gotta know more dude. Like, in theory, you wrote it out a bit, but more more more.

REPLY:

More ahead! I have an ask about it that I’m going to answer but more’s coming in the actual fic, too. I think. So excited you want to know more, though!

“Merriam Webster” lol

OKAY HERE’S THE OTHER LIFE-GIVING PART: “Are you worried about me?” and “She turned around to leave and he caught her wrist again./’Seriously. Anything at all.’” YOU’RE MURDERING ME GABI HOW DARE YOU (please keep it coming).

Jesus Crisco lololololololol

REPLY: 

:D

Soon-to-Be Ms. Cuddles

It’s kind of scary how much of myself I see in Caroline lol (that’s kind of fucked up right?) especially when her eyes are shut because the cat is near her omg.

REPLY:

lmaoooo a little scary but she turns out alright so *bonnie voice* there’s hope for you.

My heart at “none of it was worth it”. At first, I was like Caroline’s not worth it? But then he’s like Caroline’s fear/hurt isn’t worth it, and I’m like, Stefan you IDIOT STOP HURTING ME.

REPLY:

LMAO ISN’T HE THE WORST.

And then him realizing what the real issue is with “Like maybe that contract hadn’t just been for him”.

But then him fucking it up with “something stupidly, recklessly hopeful”. BOY BYE WITH THIS DISNEY PRINCE-NESS.

REPLY:

Disney Prince-tervention. 8 o’ clock. Scott McCall can come too.

“It means is there anything on the planet you don’t avoid dealing with?” YIKES STEFAN DO YOU LIKE PLAYING WITH YOUR LIFE LIKE THIS OR

REPLY:

LOLOLOL I laughed when I wrote that line. I was like eating Smart Pop and going ‘BOY’ as if I wasn’t the one writing it, it was all super sane.

Avoiding!Caroline #relatable dude.

“Easy to mistake for serial killers” LOL STEFAN AGAIN ARE YOU READY TO DIE OR

REPLY:

Danger Zone Stefan.

The part with the cat coming near her, lol, is so damsel-in-distress, and it makes me laugh so much at how cliched/tropey this is, but I also love it, and I tried to imagine her with either Bonnie or Damon in the same situation, and Bonnie being similar to Stefan but taking her out of her misery, but Damon being a shithead about it. Ah yes.

REPLY:

LMAO that scene is pure, unadulterated, damsel-ly TROPENESS and I love forcing Caroline I’m a Force to be Reckoned With and Need No One Forbes into those scenes because she tries so hard not to be that way and like, for what? Girl, be afraid of the dark. Run away from cats. Be jumpy and hide behind people. None of that means you can’t singlehandedly take down the Emory football administration, you know? You can run away from spider-rat hybrids in the same stilettos you slam into the toes of drunk dudes harassing girls on the subway. Do you. And LOOOL to Bonnie and Damon in Stefan’s place - Bonnie would definitely let it go but would be subtly trolly about it, like putting the cat on her bed when she’s in the shower or buying it a bunch of costumes to wear around the apartment. Damon would probs be every inch as insufferable as you’d imagine. 

The Not-All-Animals conversation. You don’t have to answer this, but is this supposed to be a foreshadowing, because the window was wide open for you (or Stefan) to state it clearly. And lol I cried when he says “there’s a cuddly little fur ball who seems really interested in getting to know you” and I’m imagining him talking about himself *dies of laughter*

“You’re going to love this cat”. Subtle, Stefan. Subtle.

REPLY:

CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM CALLING HIMSELF A CUDDLE LITTLE FUR BALL ON PURPOSE #BYE. I mean, it’s true, but still. I did the parallel on purpose, which I’m sure you know by now because I take forever to reply and have answered tat a few times, but I think it was more subconscious on Stefan’s part. Like his dedication to getting her to open up to the cat was definitely motivated by his own frustrations with her in that department, but I don’t think he saw the direct parallel or anything. Muahaha. I kind of want him to now though because CUDDLY LITTLE FUR BALL. That’s his street name. 

Bonkai/Damon’s return from the cellar

Kai flirting

Bonnie feeling bad for Kai for not having any friends. (can I just note that Kai doesn’t seem bothered that he doesn’t really have friends—or rather, he seems the type not to mind it. Like I’m sure there’ll be a part when Kai says something ‘jeez Bon, stop being so obsessed with me’ when she tries to be his friend)

AKA ME now feeling bad for Kai, just in general (or that might be the copious amounts of Bonkai fics I’ve been reading recently…)

Bonnie teaching Kai to “flirt” AKA just be a human being

REPLY:

lololol Kai’s just a dude doing his best impersonation of humaning and failing miserably and not being too bothered about it.

“Maybe a little less… carnivorous” lol

Damon calling Kai “bud” (like, him actually picking up on the fact Kai enjoyed that). Too sweet.

REPLY:

I didn’t get a chance to get too into it in 15, but if all goes according to plan, Kai x Damon should be a pretty unexpectedly adorable brotp, so I’m super happy you picked up on that!

Bamon kiss #3 : “his stare was dark, humming, glinting with a hint of self-satisfaction” hehehehehe

“but I feel like maybe I should’ve asked you instead. Cool move.” lmfao Kai is a cutie pie (I know what I said, I’m not taking it back).

“Honestly, he could go back to the murder cellar now” lolololol. You’ve got a lot of golden lines in this one.

Almost Bamon kiss #4: nice

“She exhaled slowly, trying to ignore the buried, messy part of her that was turned on by the idea, that buzzed from the risk of it all.” Same, Bon.

Bless Bonnie’s insane self-control.

REPLY:

Damon’s a smug little shit. There’s just no getting around it, tbh. And YAY for cutie pie Kai (it even rhymes! Destiny.) - definitely trying to hone in on the more delightful sides of him from canon. And lmao, Bonnie must be so tired.

 Caroline vs. the Cat

Obsessive Caroline is something familiar and safe to all. I like obsessive Caroline a lot lol.

Okay, unrelated, but can you expand a little bit on the Maroline situation again because, from what you’ve already explained (sorry if this is ruining the story, you obviously don’t have to explain if it is) Matt was sweet when it suited him, not sweet when he was angry or whatever. So, like, Stefan has none of these telltale features, like not even lowkey. I mean, he gets mad at her that one time, but it’s not malicious, you know? But it also triggered her to breakdown, but I read that as she’s already dealing with internal shit, so the internal is being external, and has very little to do with Stefan. So, I guess my question is, why is she not realizing Stefan is a Disney prince and he’ll always be one? Or is it just the overwhelming fear that’s clouding her judgement? I’m rambling.

REPLY:

GIRL, join the club. Rambling is a way of life. Re: Matt, I think a key thing I haven’t gotten to in the fic yet is that Matt started off as a bit of a Disney Prince, too. He was this humble, small-town star quarterback who was a little shy around girls and didn’t know what to do with all the attention on him, and when he met/got to know Caroline, he fell hard. Like haaaard. She was this confident, brash, outgoing ray of light that drew him in and made him laugh and added so much joy to his life, and he was just totally smitten. Built her things, wrote her crappy love letters that made her smile, etc., and for a year or so, they were this fairytale of a couple that everyone in town loved. And then Vicky got into drugs and his family situation went from not great to really bad - his mom was constantly off with some new guy, so a lot of the responsibility fell on him - and things just slowly started changing. He was angrier. Stressed out all the time, and he wasn’t someone who did well under pressure. He started checking out from school more and more because he didn’t see it as a priority. And in that context, larger-than-life Caroline with her sunny optimism and big ambitions went from endearing and inspiring to naive and a lowkey reminder of everything he didn’t have the luxury of being. Resentment started creeping in, and it’d come in the form of him being snide or putting her down, and it just kind of spiraled from there. Like you said, it wasn’t all the time, he could still be every inch as sweet and loving as he was when she first met him, but the bad moments started cropping up more and more often, and Caroline was just kind of frozen because they had years of magical history to indicate that this wasn’t the real him, and she just needed to wait it out and be supportive. And if she’d only done that to a certain degree, I think she would’ve been okay, but she stayed for way, way longer than she ever thought she would’ve. And she started coming up with insane ways to justify everything because their relationship meant so much to her. And all in all, that’s the real damage for her - the fact that she can’t trust herself to one: see people for they are when she has feelings for them, and two: know when to get out of something. Not when she’s in love. Any other context, sure, deuces, bye, but she doesn’t trust herself in love. So that’s why Stefan, without really showing any real Matt-like flaws, is scaring the hell out of her, if that makes any sense.

SPEAKING OF RAMBLING HI HELLO YES WHERE IS THE SUPPORT GROUP 

Caroline and the cat is really cute. We don’t see many soft moments of Caroline, except the baroline apology scene, so it’s cute to see her just calm down a little bit. Calm in the storm.

And her being like “You’re lucky Stefan’s here.” Oh, dude, that really got me. Like, before she goes into the physicality of him/them, I read that line as like, “he’ll take care of you, he’ll be good for you” and that struck me.

REPLY:

So happy you liked that softer side of Caroline! Definitely going to be seeing more of that now that she’s gotten most of the defensiveness out of her system (in large part because I’m just tired of writing it, lmaaaaaoooooo #authoroftheyear). And yeah, that’s exactly how she meant that line, which I think shows just how much her opinion has changed of him over these past few days. Progress!

“And it was terrifying, because for that brief glitter of a moment, for better or for worse, she’d been Caroline Forbes in all her complete, defenseless, messy glory”: nice.

REPLY:

👌

“And closed hearts, apparently”, awwwwwwww. You know my general feels about steroline, but this fic, man. Well played, Gabi, well played.

REPLY:

lmao you know mine too. thanks, boo. 

Bamon Snooping

Initial and overarching reaction: LOL

Damon saving Bonnie’s life: *heart eyes*

“I’m not talking to you”/”Why ‘cause I didn’t feel you up in the kitchen?” LOL Damon knooooooows, Damon’s got you cornered (you’d like that wouldn’t you, Bonnie) (but also, same)

REPLY:

#READ

Like this idiot really thinks she’s fooling anyone? She’d totally like that. Let’s make another support group.

The flamingo tarts LOL

AND AND AND “Stefan’s not even going to be able to look at yo—“ crying

Kai going to hunt swan. Again.

REPLY:

So rude, pulling the judgy Stefan card. And yeah, Kai’s really into casual evening strolls with crossbows. 

The snooping. Okay, so first, Bonnie’s reaction of “yeeeeeeeeee” and Damon’s reaction of “k let’s do it”. I love it so so so much. This is a moment I can see Matt Daddario being Damon (I started watching Shadowhunters, pardon me). But also the things they find??? Like, if this were a tv show (where’s the petition, my pen is ready), then this would be that one weird/sci-fi episode. Like a musical episode, but sci-fi-y.

Damon “how much you want to bet one of these opens a hidden passageway”/I’m a big nerd too Fell/Whitmore (who tf is this guy)

REPLY:

LMAO coming up with the things they find was another case of me staring dead-eyed into space for 20 minutes and cackling at random, so I’m glad it was entertaining. And yessss, I can totally see Matt pulling off that line. I see him as a slightly sleepier Damon, like his blithe charm goes from obnoxious to a little slyer and lowkey, and he has more of a playful laziness about him. It’s a really fun/unique fit, especially since some of the other actors I’ve imagined as Damon have more of a brash/sharp quality to them that would enhance the showman aspect instead of downplaying it.

Bamon talking about Damon’s job: real bonding about real things!

REPLY:

WOOT. More of that ahead :)

Steroline Avoiding

“He could navigate picky eaters like a pro”:  I love that you made him this way, and that you made her that way, and that their ways are like puzzle pieces.

REPLY:

Ahhh, I love that you put it that way. That’s their new tag line.

And also for this beaut: “the Human Grimace” lmfao.

“I feel annoyed”/”Why?”/”I don’t know.” – is that their tag line or?

REPLY:

JK that’s definitely their tag line. 

Steroline bonding in general, bless.

“I can’t do this”: yikes. At first, I thought this was going to be a repeat of every sexytimez moment these two had before the ultimate one

but I really like how you placed that bit about Elena in there. Nice. Like how he can’t handle not knowing, and that’s very Caroline of him, and he could just tell her this please that’d help everyone???? I’m not ranting.

REPLY:

IF EVERYONE COULD JUST TALK IN THIS GODFORSAKEN FIC IT WOULD’VE ENDED TEN CHAPTERS AGO AND MADE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER. lmao but I’m glad you liked the Elena nuance - I’m trying to build their experiences in bits and pieces so that when they finally talk about everything re: the exes, it’s not too much of an information dump. 

Damon’s Panic Attack

Jesus Christ, Gabi. Right in the heart, dude. Like chill out. His avoidance of the very inevitable killed me. And Bonnie not picking up on the signs. Omg and Damon’s “I’m fine”, parallel to Caroline’s, and the whole “I can do this, I can get through this, I’ve only had myself before, and I only need myself now”, but Bonnie’s there and she’s all “I got you, you can do this, we’ll get through this together” and she’s talking him through, but he’s doesn’t want to even talk and  she’s just trying to bring him out of him successfully, but ultimately fails and goes with the distracting that is an old Stefonnie story. BUT THEN, her fourth-grade poem reminded me of The Punisher’s “one batch, two batch, penny and dime” in Daredevil (you watched that right?) and I was like oh shoot, you right. What you were right about, not sure, but it worked, and Bonnie did a good job (but also YOU), and Damon’s “she was a ridiculous person./Tangled and dark and simple and light.” And my heart wept. “He let himself stay”. Oh my poor baby. You wrecked me, Gabi, you really did.

REPLY:

‘and I was like oh shoot, you right. What you were right about, not sure, but it worked’ - LMAOOOOOO, dead. Like 50% of my excitement for posting this review is just people reading it and realizing how hilarious you are and then going to check out B&B. (GO AND CHECK OUT B&B). For real though, gaaaaah, everything about this is making my friggin’ day because this is always the toughest stuff to write for me. I never know if I’m building it well or if the emotions are transitioning fluidly and it makes me want to break my laptop (jk it’s already broken JOKE’S ON ME), so I’M SO HAPPY I WRECKED YOU. All of your observations are perfect. I didn’t even think about The Punisher but shoot, YOU RIGHT, that’s such a great parallel. I’ve always found that angsty situations are super unpredictable in real life, like the things you expect to happen seldom do and it’s always the most random thing that ends up shifting the mood, so I tried to translate that into this scene. Like Bonnie’s pulling out all the stops, all the things she’s trained to do, but what ends up cutting through the air is a random ass poem from fourth grade. And it’s just thoughtful and spastic enough to grab his attention, especially once he realizes why she went for poetry, and suddenly, the situation’s quelling. So I’m super, super happy that it worked for you, and that the ‘tangler and dark and simple and light’ stood out. I think that’s one of the first instances of him starting to realize she’s not one or the other, she’s both at the same time, so yeah, this feedback is all wonderful and now you’re wrecking me so we’re even.

Steroline Confronting

Is Caroline… confronting the problem? Is Caroline… actually fixing this? Is Caroline… actually being a person? Nice, good job, I’m proud of you, girl. Slay.

REPLY:

LOOK AT HER GOOOOO.

I like how she gets how fucked up the whole thing is. Like, she knows she’s being irrational, and that he shouldn’t have to put up with this mess, and damn, I feel for her.

REPLY:

Yesssss, totally what I was going for. Like the person most done with her shit is herself, and she’s likely going to be way harder on herself about it than you or me or Stefan or anyone else, really. So happy that came across.  

“Would it make you feel better if I told you that wasn’t the first time that’s happened to me?”

“What did you do? Actually—don’t tell me now.”/“I’m not telling you ever.”

”Tell me when it doesn’t hit so close to home.”/”Or never.”

”It’s still too soon.”/”It’ll always be too soon.”

These are gems.

REPLY:

Gotta sneak some fluff into every scene you know how I roll.

Oh goodness, but Stefan wanting to know her as a person. Ughhhhhh.

And the ruse of “for the sake of Bonnie.” I’m calling bullshit.

“Who was he, Nicholas Sparks?” Lol, I mean, it worked out, though, dude.

REPLY:

Stefan’s a lost cause.

As always, my friend, you’ve done a phenomenal job. Your writing style is so unique and fabulous, and it just adds to the storyline itself, like, it’s own entity in this whole thing. Bless. So excited for the next chapter. Did I hear more sexytimez for the bamon babes? 

REPLY:

GIRL I COULD SAY THE SAME DAMN THING ABOUT YOURS. Like even in this review alone - hysterical and eloquent af. I know you probably know this, but no one ever thinks that of their own writing (or at least I don’t think they do lmao, if they do LEMME HAVE A HIT OF THAT CONFIDENCE BOO ‘cause I didn’t even know I had a style), so it’s legit amazing to hear that the style stands out to you, and know that I’m boomeranging that comment right back atcha. Next chapter is sloooowly chugging along, by which I mean I’m writing at a regular pace but I’m trying to cram a legitimately concerning/insane amount of scenes into it. Like 15. LMAO. RIP Gabi. But hopefully it won’t take me too long! Also, it’s the last of the intensely emotional chapters for a while (just a lot of big moments I need to get right), so even if this takes forever, the rest should be a little faster. I feel like I say this after every chapter and nothing changes, looooool. BUT ANYWAY, you’re a marvel, this review is everything, I’m feelsy, you’re hilarious, write a book, bye. 

[nike-shawn]

set .

sorry this is long - i’m combining like three of your requests bc i feel so bad about taking forever to address them. i promise though, this weekend is going to be filled with like 39082340 filled requests. pinky swear. [send a request here]

“It wasn’t even funny,” Shawn mumbles under his breath. He’s playing idly with the bottom of his flannel as his forehead creases in thought. His feet are planted on the floor as he sits on the side of your bed, but one leg refuses to stop bouncing up and down. “Like, why would anyone laugh at you getting seriously injured? It’s fucked up.”

You sigh from your place in front of the mirror, but you’re too preoccupied to argue with him; your hands are busy putting your perfectly curled hair into a messy bun at the top of your head, a few stubborn strands falling to frame your face, and you feel more like yourself when you turn around to face your husband. All the makeup had been taken off the second you stepped foot in the house and you changed into sweats on the car ride home. You claim that set clothes have a certain smell to them, an undeniable stench that makes you feel uncomfortable, but Shawn thinks you just like to shed work off your shoulders as soon as possible, that maybe you like to differentiate between home and studio because you’re afraid the character you play will melt into what you become outside of the screen.

Watching you walk towards him, Shawn leans back so his spine is flush against the mattress and holds his arms out: an invitation. You smile and occupy the space between his spread knees, belly pressed against his, forearms digging into your duvet and mouths perfectly lined up. His gaze darts between your eyes and your mouth like he can’t quite figure out which one is prettier. “They were just bloopers,” you whisper, “no harm done.”

Shawn closes his eyes and tilts his head back. There’s a short pause, a pause in which you study the chap of his lips as he listens to you breathe, feels your chest rise and fall into his. He says, “doesn’t mean it wasn’t scary for me,” and it’s in such a soft voice that you wonder if it was actually Shawn who said it. Hearing him be vulnerable isn’t something you have the opportunity to do very often, and every time he offers a small piece of himself to you, you’re always surprised. The insecure little girl who never dreamt of dating someone like him still peeks through.

You let his hand tilt your head down just enough so your lips are grazing, and when they’re pressed together it feels like puzzle pieces sliding together. His hips rise to grind against yours and you move to meet his thrusts. As the bedsprings squeak, you feel like a teenager again.

And then, of course, everything stops.

“What?” you ask breathlessly, pushing away from his body to look at him properly. His flushed cheeks and bitten lips make your heart skip a beat. “Are you okay?”

Shawn pats your bum and you get up, sitting beside him with your arm already reaching towards his shoulder to comfort him. He shifts away from you and stands, hands shoved in his pockets. He’s still for a while, his back facing you, thinking. And when he finally speaks you’re taken aback. “I’m worried about your job if Kerrie thinks that you honestly getting hurt is funny,” Shawn tells you. It’s no secret that he and your Director haven’t gotten along, but it’s also no secret that Shawn isn’t a big fan of your current character. Someone who always hurts herself, someone who is always the butt of the jokes, and you, the love of his life, is the one who’s playing her. It’s understandable, but it’s also your job.

Earlier that day, Shawn came to set because he’s finally home for the first time in three months, and he was already driving by the studio on his way home from a meeting. With coffees in hand, he sauntered up to your trailer and chatted with you, kissed you, until there was a stern knock on the door.

“Y/N? You were supposed to be on set ten minutes ago,” the voice through the door boomed, “get your lazy ass out here.”

Shawn told you to “stay, Y/N, she’s treating you like shit,” but you did as you were told because you’re constantly in fear of losing your fragile job. You asked him to zip up your costume and give you a kiss, but he only did one, leaving you without reddened lips or a smile.

So now, sitting on your bed with a bare face and tangled hair, you feel like your heart is being split in two. Your job, or your husband. He said that “I’m not mad at you,” but you could hear the anger in his voice and it made the guilt in your chest multiply tenfold.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“But I am,” you say, standing and weaseling your way under his strong arm, wanting to feel his body on yours, his comfort surrounding you. “I can’t really fix it but I want you to know that, like, I feel it too? It hurts when they want me to do this week after week -”

“So quit!” Shawn yells. His arms explode out to his sides and he spins on his heel so the two of you are nose to nose. “Just quit, Y/N, it’s not hard.

“Have you forgotten that I pay half the rent?” You gesture around the apartment with an incredulous expression. Emotion sends your hands shaking, so you stuff them in the pocket of your sweatpants to seem more in-control.

He shakes his head and tugs at the ends of his hair. “You’re only paying half the rent because you want to - I’ve told you over and over again that I can take care of us if you just let me, Y/N. I want to take care of you.”

You cross your arms over your chest and stare down at your tapping foot. “I have a contract,” you mumble.

“That contract isn’t liable anymore if they treat you badly.”

“This isn’t La La Land, Shawn,” you spit, staring him dead in the face. “no one is going to give a fuck and they’ll ruin my career.” You grapple for your car keys, the ones you hope to God are still in your pocket, and wrap the lanyard around your wrist. “So grow up and open your eyes - this is Los Angeles, not fucking Canada. Contracts don’t mean shit when the media comes and knocks down our door with questions and allegations and all kinds of things I can’t deal with right now.” You open the door and feel the night air on your face. “And if you can’t understand that, then maybe we should take a break.”

The sound of the door slamming behind you is the only thing you recognize over the ringing in your ears.

+

The next day is rough.

Your makeup artist sends you worried glances as she adds more and more concealer under your eyes, trying to cover up the red that has resided there for the past five hours. You just smile, sad and sideways, as you let her paint you a happier face.

The fingers you’ve hidden under your thighs itch to dig in your bag for that phone you turned off, just to see if he cared enough to call. Even though the rational side of you is sure that he did, that he’s probably worrying out of his mind, this inkling of a thought in the back of your head is just enough to make you feel sick.

“Y/N,” one of the assistants says. You look at her in the mirror as your makeup artist continues to curl your hair, and you know then what she’s going to say next. “Shawn’s looking for you.”

You dig your (fake, recently painted) nails into your palms and tell her that you’ll “be right out,” but your hate of confrontation is telling you to find the nearest 1st story window to jump out of. Mary, the kind woman doing your hair, raises her eyebrows. “I can tell him to go away,” she offers.

“No, it’ll be fine.” You smile at her and let her finish the last couple strands of hair before rising and setting your jaw as you open the door.

You didn’t know what you were expecting, but Shawn standing directly in front of you definitely wasn’t it. You let out a surprised squeak. “Shawn,” you breathe, “you didn’t have to come here.”

He takes a look over your shoulder at Mary who is surely scowling at him before gently guiding you towards a more private corner of the set.

Now that he’s closer, his hand resting at the junction of your neck and your shoulder, you can see the bloodshot of his eyes and the blotchy of his cheeks, evidence of tears or anger or both. Mostly, what you see in front of you is a guilty man who’s come to apologize. “I…” he starts, playing with your fingers, “I was being naive. I forget sometimes how easy it was for me compared to how hard you worked for this job and me, I don’t know, I guess the need to take care of you and provide for you overcame me.” He lets you adjust the backward baseball cap on his head as he licks his lips nervously. “Because that’s all I really want to do, you know. Provide for you, make sure you’re okay and happy.”

“I know,” you say quietly.

“But I still don’t like Kerrie and want you to consider looking for another job once this season is over,” he implores.

“I figured.”

Shawn swallows and kisses you softly. “Sorry.”

You smile at him, close-lipped and tired, as you say “we’ll be okay.”

And for the first time in a while, you mean it.

[ncmagroup]

Rachel Weingarten

Felicity Huffman.Lori Loughlin. Harvey Weinstein. Prince Andrew. Donald Trump. These names that were once synonymous with tremendous, are now best known for a kind of career and lifestyle scandal that makes it hard to take them very seriously in the future.

As we close out the year, we thought it would be a great time to remind you of some essential professional gaffes to leave behind in the year that was.

1. Don’t (always) put it in writing: Sure it’s important to keep notes and records, but sometimes there are things that are so highly personal and potentially professionally damning that you might be best off committing it all to memory instead. “Don't put anything in writing — email, text, slack, etc, that you wouldn't want the rest of the world to see,” offers financial writer Debbie Carlson who adds “An oldie, but a goodie, that people always forget.

2. Assume everyone sees everything: Along those lines, Ghostwriter Marcia Layton Turner said “Assume everyone can see what you post on social media, and don’t post anything having to do with work there.” That’s a tough one because some people use social media to promote their careers. Maybe we can amend it to not posting anything highly sensitive or complaining about your boss.

3. Avoid stunts: For some weird reason, many people in the real world seem to think that a grand stunt similar to the ones on reality television might in some way be appropriate for the workplace. They aren’t. Ever. In fact, former Empire star Jussie Smollett’s false claim to have been the victim of a hate crime made him loathed instead of respected. He also lost future work opportunities.

4. Don’t lie if you’re caught doing something awful: Singer-songwriter Ryan Adams was just one of many powerful men accused of sexual misconduct. He denied all. Later, an unnamed woman provided proof of his actions. Adams later apologized, canceled tour dates and postponed a future album.

5. Don’t apologize halfway: In October, actress Gina Rodriguez used offensive language while rapping. Her first apology wasn’t much of an apology “I’m sorry if I offended anyone.” Later, she amended it to add “I have some serious learning and growing to do.”

6. Don’t cut corners to achieve success: If the college admission scandal taught us anything, it’s that ridiculously wealthy parents have a funny way of trying to help their kids on their paths to academic success. Paying your dues isn’t just about being the lowest person on the totem pole, it’s about learning as you go so you can actually achieve something in life instead of just pretending that you did.

7. Stop running from hard conversations. “This year I learned the power of having truly difficult conversations – about salary, about relationships, about power, etc. in the workplace – and nothing has helped me to feel more capable and better able to serve the people who work for me,” shared Kristina Libby, EVP of Future Science and Research, Hypergiant Industries. “The secret is that if you are worried about it, someone else probably is too,” Libby continued. “If you have the thought, someone else probably does too. And, that by addressing those concerns head-on we can build trust. Trust is what makes every workplace better because it helps you feel secure to express more ideas. So, it feels scary to go into a difficult situation and talk about hard things but I’ve decided that it is WAY scarier to live in a workplace where you can’t.”

8. Take ownership of your performance management: While you might not have the corner office…yet… “You are the CEO of your own career, and your employment is an investment in your own future. It’s critical that you take ownership of how your performance is measured and managed so that you can chart your course and ensure your personal and professional goals are being met,” said Doug Dennerline, CEO at Betterworks. “This starts with working with your manager to clearly define and agree upon the top goals of each quarter, which should include goals for career development. But don’t just “set and forget” solicit frequent and comprehensive feedback from your managers and peers, and keep an open mind and heart to learning from that feedback so you can continuously improve yourself.”

9. Assuming any contact number can be texted: It seems simple, right? Not quite. “ I use a landline for business (and I assume larger businesses mostly use landlines),” shared Teresa Mears, CEO of Living on the Cheap. “An intern I was supposed to interview didn’t show up because I had not responded to his “texts.” I have also been ghosted by several interns. In most professions, those kinds of things can easily be shared with other potential employers.”

10. Committing to Small ideas: “Let’s all stop spending time and money on small ideas,” urges Ben Lamm, CEO of Hypergiant Industries. “Can you imagine what we could do if we did not limit ourselves?” The holiday break is a great time to dream big.

11. Don’t tell all: In a bizarre professional moment, Liam Neeson made a confession about his own desire for revenge while promoting the film Cold Pursuit which deals with a father’s pursuit of revenge. In an attempt to be relatable, many celebrities reveal too much (or jump on couches on the Oprah Winfrey show).

12. Don’t bite the hand that (literally) feeds you: Prince Harry and wife Meghan Markle seem uncomfortable with all the public scrutiny. That makes sense for a young family. What doesn’t make sense though, is what some see as an aggressive tone in avoiding the tax-paying public that pays for a large portion of their upscale lifestyle. Job requirements aren’t always fun, but paying attention to your responsibilities before accepting a position is smarter than complaining about them once you’re hired.

13. Thinking your past won’t haunt you: Calgary Flames head coach Bill Peters resigned after allegations that he used racial slurs a decade ago emerged. If you have a skeleton in your own closet, face it, address it and fix it.

14. Being remembered for someone else’s work: Special Counsel Robert Mueller had one job- finding any connections between the Trump campaign and Russian influence. It doesn’t matter what he did before or will do afterward, his professional career is now highlighted by this one moment in time.

15. Don’t make a living from other people’s pain: It sounds simple, right? Not quite. The opioid crisis didn’t happen in a vacuum. Pharmaceutical companies made billions of dollars off of other people’s suffering. We all know better. Maybe it’s time to do better as well. You should probably avoid these too.

16. Don’t leave a job without letting your contacts and colleagues know why. It might feel like the end of the world now, but you never know what’s right around the corner.

17. Don’t lie about your qualifications: Everyone knows if you’re faking. Why damage your reputation for the long term by pretending to know something you don’t?

18. Not saying thank you: If someone did something nice for you then, let them know now. You never know what favors you might need in the future.

19. Being impatient with others: We’re all just trying to get by and do our best.

    Go to our website:   www.ncmalliance.com

19 career mistakes to leave behind in 2019 Rachel Weingarten Felicity Huffman.Lori Loughlin. Harvey Weinstein. Prince Andrew. Donald Trump. These names that were once synonymous with tremendous, are now best known for a kind of career and lifestyle scandal that makes it hard to take them very seriously in the future.

[russellthornton]

Internalized Misogyny: How to Recognize It, Fight It and Win Over It

Internalized misogyny is much deeper and more complicated than blatant sexism. Learning about what it is, how it formed, and how to fight it is crucial today.

We all know what misogyny and sexism look like. At least I hope we all do. It is clear behavior rooted in the belief that women are less than men. But, internalized misogyny can be seen from anyone, even feminists.

I am sure I have even shown signs of internalized misogyny at points in my life. But what is it? Internalized misogyny is involuntarily believing the stereotypes held against women.

This means that the intense amount of sexism in society has made its way into our psyches and even though we are feminists, some of those negatives beliefs still seep in. [Read: How to instantly recognize someone who hates women]

Why is internalized misogyny a thing?

From a young age, we have all *or almost all* been raised to believe boys and girls are different. Girls wear pink and boys wear blue. Boys work and women take care of the family. A man is bold, but a woman is bossy. These things may not have been engrained in us intentionally, but everything from our parents to television, and pop culture continue to remind us.

It is no surprise that even with the feminist movement on the rise, we still fall down this path of internalized misogyny, sometimes even daily. I catch myself continuously apologizing to men when it is far from necessary.

Society continues to sympathize with men accused of sexual assault because the allegations have ruined their career, over a woman’s life. Judges are lenient on young men who assault women because they have their whole future ahead of them with zero regards to the victim’s future.

And even in the world of dating, we tend to apologize for turning down a man’s offer for a date, turning our cheek to a kiss, or refusing to have sex. Although we as women have nothing to be sorry for, we feel this guilt. We have this responsibility to make men feel like men, but women do not owe men anything. [Read: 9 ways guys manipulate and control their girlfriend]

The effects of internalized misogyny

Internalized misogyny may seem harmless from afar. It, of course, cannot be as bad as outright and blatant sexism, right? Well, maybe, but the effects of internalized misogyny can be long-lasting and consequential for both men and women.

Men who are liberal and seem to understand feminism completely may still show signs of internalized misogyny through their male privilege. When a woman is asked what she does to prevent sexual assault, the list could go on forever, but because a man is a man the thought most likely does not even cross his mind. [Read: 19 inspiring male feminist ideas from around the world]

And yes, men are also assaulted. And yes, it is not directly a man’s fault that he doesn’t carry that burden with him. But internalized misogyny is what leads to it being okay or normal for men not to worry.

The message that men receive at a young age tells them that women owe them something, and the same message is given to women. We are taught gender roles. We are taught to be agreeable, to not fight back, and to be “lady-like.”

Although changes are being made and women are attacking internalized misogyny at every angle, it is still a deep set problem to deal with. And the best way to deal with something more subtle is to identify it and stop it in its tracks.

Signs of internalized misogyny

Attacking internalized misogyny head on not only aids the growth of feminism but also improves everyone’s lives. Women gain self-esteem and live out their fullest potential as men appreciate all women who do and act accordingly.

#1 Appreciating more feminine qualities. Hearing a man complimenting you’re beautiful is always nice. And there is nothing wrong with loving to hear those words. But putting more basis on a compliment about your more traditionally feminine qualities than masculine ones can be problematic.

You don’t have to necessarily prefer to hear that you are a good leader or smart or funny over being called pretty, but knowing your worth on both ends of the spectrum removes internalized misogyny from your mind. [Read: These are compliments that will backfire with women]

#2 Trying to be perfect. That balance that so many women strive for is impossible. You want to be smart but not too smart. Funny, but not funnier than him. You want to be a good cook and look cute, but not put too much effort in.

It is a balancing act so many women try to achieve but so unnecessary. Have you ever seen a man work so hard to be a perfect mix of naughty and nice?

#3 Looking down on traditional gender roles. Traditional gender roles are not evil. Yet, internalized misogyny can lead to that belief. If feminism is all about equality, then a woman who decides to stay at home with her family rather than work can’t be a feminist, right? WRONG!

Feminism is about appreciating and respecting a woman’s right to choose what she does with her life whether that be work, have a family, both, or neither. If you look at women who haven’t made the same choices as you as a lesser person, you may be dealing with internalized misogyny. [Read: Why you should celebrate being female]

#4 Judging other women. Whether you judge a coworker on her shoes, think a woman rocking her natural hair to work is unprofessional, or anything along those lines, you have a touch of internalized misogyny.

Working together as women, no matter how different, is what helps us break this poisonous pattern.

#5 Trying to be cool. Raise your hand if you have tried to be the “cool girl.” *Raises hand*. Being easygoing is something women try so hard to do when sometimes it is in our nature to nitpick. We can not say anything when our guy leaves the toilet seat up or forgets to pick up his dirty laundry. But we can become resentful after so long.

This is even more common in the dating world. You meet a guy, you like him, but he isn’t ready for a commitment. Although you might be ready to walk down the aisle tomorrow, you hold your tongue and follow his lead. Staying silent in these situations only enhances the culture of misogyny.

#6 Interrupting. It is a well-known fact that men interrupt women. In friend groups, in work meetings, even at home. This is brought on by the idea that what a woman has to say can’t possibly be as important as a man’s opinion.

This goes hand in hand with mansplaining. The annoying phenomenon of a man explaining something to a woman in a patronizing way. But women also tend to interrupt fellow women, because sexism pits us against each other rather than celebrating our mutual successes. [Read: Mansplaining and the dicks who do it]

#7 Feeling guilty. Ahhhh, feeling guilty. This is probably the one I have dealt with the most in my life. Feeling guilty for turning down a guy that bought you a drink when a drink does not imply or promise anything to a man.

Feeling guilty for leading on a man then changing your mind. These are all rights women have. Men make these choices all the time, but are they made to feel guilty about it? A man sleeps with a woman but decides not to call her, he moves on. A woman does the same thing and she is judged by society and may even begin to judge herself.

#8 Giving in. This is a difficult one because it requires a lot of strength to fight back at sexism. Sometimes, yes, it is easier to just give in with something small than to fight back and once again allow misogyny to take over and categorize you as whiny or bitchy.

But if a man at work asks you to get him coffee over a male coworker, that is not right. Maybe if it happens once it is because you stood closer, but when this becomes a pattern saying something changes the narrative.

#9 Shaming others. Feminism once again is about respecting women for their choices, no matter what they are. Yet, so many women and men are stuck with this level of internalized misogyny that blames women.

Slut-shaming is a huge example of this. Saying a woman deserves to be treated badly or disrespected because she is open to casual sex is not right. This also leads into to victim blaming. Blaming a victim of sexual assault for dressing too revealing, drinking, walking alone, or anything else rather than actually blaming the attacker is often just straight out sexism.

But, for those that don’t realize it, it is internalized. [Read: Harmful words we need to stop using to describe a woman]

#10 Thinking makeup or dresses aren’t feminist. I have heard multiple times that wearing makeup, loving makeup, being into fashion, etc. is hypocritical when you call yourself a feminist. But anyone, whether male or female that believes that does not truly understand what feminism is.

It is not a movement to make women more powerful than men. It is not about growing out your body hair and not wearing dresses. It is about being who you are in every sense and still be treated equally for that. So looking down on a woman for caring about her appearance is definitely a sign of internalized misogyny.

#11 Double standards. Men are often praised for being stay-at-home dads and giving up that traditional breadwinner role, yet women are often criticized for focusing on their career over family.

If a man is a bachelor into his forties he is a catch, but a woman who has focused on other aspects of her life is an old maid or spinster. These double standards are sometimes quite obvious, but even simply asking a woman who is married if she is going to have a child, but not asking her husband, is internalized misogyny.

#12 Wanting to be different than other women. “I’m not like other girls.” This is a statement I embarrassingly said multiple times in my teenage years without realizing how awful and negative the connotation was.

What is wrong with other girls?

#13 Being okay with oppression. Sitting back and not doing anything about the oppression of women is brought on by internalized misogyny. You think that sexism hasn’t affected your life so you do not bother fighting it. You may think your life is easier without the responsibility. Perhaps you think your opinions don’t matter.

Only looking at feminism from the perspective of your own life is a form of internalized misogyny. Think about it like this. Maybe you’re white so you don’t care about racism because it doesn’t directly affect you. Doesn’t that seem pretty awful? Well, it is the same thing with sexism.

#14 Not reporting sexual assault. I myself have been in this situation, so I never ever blame a woman who fears coming forward for fear of retaliation or disbelief. But these fears are brought on by the patriarchy. They are brought on by our sexist culture.

And although I myself am ashamed of that fear and giving into it at times, we are all victims of internalized misogyny in these moments. [Read: What to do if you’re raped on a date]

#15 Making excuses for men. A man assaults a woman, and people say he was drunk, he couldn’t help himself. Yet, she was drunk, so she asked for it? A man is disrespectful to a woman, and he had a rough day at work. A woman is rude to a man, and she’s a bitch?

Men get excuses made for them because they are used to getting their way. And this is not the ranting of a feminist, it is the cold hard truth.  Many of us continue to make excuses for men whether it be our fathers, brothers, boyfriends, or even male celebrities. But those excuses allow us to fall into the world of internalized misogyny once again.

[Read: The keys for how to respect women]

With each moment you appreciate your own self-worth and the equality between women and men, internalized misogyny is one step closer to being vanquished.

The post Internalized Misogyny: How to Recognize It, Fight It and Win Over It is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

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Break Up Quotes From The Heart

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Break Up Quotes From The Heart

A split is a large occasion in someone’s life. The longer the relationship was, the more difficult the cut up commonly is. The give up of a courting is normally met with an extensive range of feelings that could include sadness, anger, and emotions of hopelessness and heartbreak. For others, a breakup can be a relief. Whatever the purpose of the breakup, it’s far nonetheless the cease of a dating between two those who cared approximately each other. Sometimes, effective break up quotes may additionally help you higher to get thru this difficult time.

Break Up Quotes From The Heart

Some cut up quit amicably, a few ends sadly, and there are even some breakups that stop instead terribly. While it’s miles constantly feasible to recover from a breakup, it is able to make an effort. From several weeks to even years, all of us deal with our breakups in distinct methods.

More About Break Up Quotes

When you have got just long gone thru a breakup, you would possibly need a strong guide device that will help you get thru this variation in your life. Since your significant different is no longer within the photograph you may need to show to different humans like a circle of relatives and buddies that will help you through this segment.

In addition to having a support mechanism, a number of the breakup rates beneath may help you or a cherished one get through a breakup. These break up quotes offer words of awareness and reflection as you try to heal and pass on to the following chapter on your existence.

Latest Break Up Quotes From The Heart

Everyone has a one of a kind way of handling a breakup. Some people may want to lay in mattress a little extra than regular. You may feel like watching unhappy movies or ingesting your sorrows away. Maybe you’ll locate solace inside the corporation of own family and friends.

At a few points, you may move on, whether or not or not you sense ready. Breakup rates just like the ones underneath permit you to discern out your emotions and how to address them. Even in this time of heartbreak and confusion, remember that nothing lasts for all time.

Breakup Quotes For Him From The Heart

Nobody ever stated that letting cross turned into easy, however maintaining on to something this is no longer there may be simply as difficult. You might as properly pick the course that actions you forward. (Break Up Quotes)

We ought to be inclined to allow go of the lifestyles that we deliberate which will have the lifestyles this is expecting us.

If someone desires to go away, let them. You want to surround yourself with people who want to be for your lifestyles.

You might not see it now, however, every now and then a breakup is for the higher.

Don’t fear, there are plenty of different fish available in the sea. Sooner or later, the proper one will swim alongside.

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Cry your eyes out and take all of the time which you want. But sooner or later, you may be capable of forgetting all approximately the person who broke your coronary heart. (Break Up Quotes)

If you were the only that did the breaking up, do no longer sense bad, for you place that different individual lose to discover someone who loves them for who they’re.

Forget the past, neglect the pain, and recollect what a top-notch individual you’re. Anyone could be fortunate to have you. You simply should discover the right person who might be able to sincerely recognize, love and adore you the manner that you need to be dealt with. (Break Up Quotes)

When you are trying to heal from a breakup, be kind to your self and do not be impatient along with your development. You will not recover from this in a day. These things take time.

Breakup Quotes For Him From The Heart

Don’t look too long at a door that has closed which you don’t even notice whilst a new door has opened itself to you.

You can’t live a full lifestyle till you let cross of your beyond heartaches. (Break Up Quotes)

You must let go of the life that you planned together.

Break Up Quotes For Her From The Heart

Moving on is easy, but it’s far staying moved that is the challenge.

When you eventually understand that you are really worth extra than a sad courting and feature the braveness to quit it and circulate on, you are sooner or later lose. (Break Up Quotes)

When your courting falls apart, you may sense damaged. But the pleasant model of you continues to be there, waiting to be positioned returned together once more.

The time following a breakup is the satisfactory time to discern out who you surely are. (Break Up Quotes)

To love a person sufficient to let them go, you have to allow them to cross forever. If you don’t, then you definitely in no way absolutely loved them a great deal at all.

Read: Happy Birthday Wishes For a Friend

So you’ve got simply seen the quit of your relationship and you’re sitting here feeling nugatory and unloved. Over time, you’ll meet someone who will make you feel like the treasure that you are. You may not experience that way now, however, you will be amazed at what time can do. Time heals and it opens up opportunities for us that we by no means knew existed. (Break Up Quotes)

Love heals all wounds. So as you are grieving the cease of your courting, don’t forget about to love your self.

Watching someone go away your lifestyles may be hard and heartbreaking, however, that person turned into the wrong one. Imagine how a whole lot higher you will feel when the right one does come alongside.

Break Up Quotes For Her From The Heart

At the stop of a dating, remember the fact that while one door closes, another one opens. (Break Up Quotes)

After a breakup, be careful of focusing an excessive amount of at the “why’s” and the “what if’s.” You need that allows you to allow new, high-quality matters to enter your lifestyles and you cannot do that if you keep searching again for the beyond.

Break Up Quotes For Guys

What do you do when the individual that broke your heart is the only person who can restore it?

What am I alleged to do while the quality part of me was always you?

I’m not sure if the affection that added us collectively changed into worth the pain that tore us aside. (Break Up Quotes)

Two folks who cut up should never be buddies. If they could stay buddies, then it method that they’re still in love or that they by no means have been.

A breakup is like a broken reflect. It is better to leave than danger hurting you’re self-seeking to pick up all the broken pieces.

Don’t cry while the Sun is long gone due to the fact the tears might not assist you to see the celebs.

Sometimes you just want to erase the messages, delete the wide variety, and pass on. (Break Up Quotes)

If a person makes you miserable extra than they make you glad, then it is time to allow them to pass, no matter how lots you love them.

It takes only some seconds to mention whats up, however, it takes all time to mention goodbye.

Check: Happy Birthday Funny Quotes Superb Collection

Just due to the fact I can help you go, it does no longer imply that I wanted to.

The folks who are quick to walk away are those who in no way intended to stick around.

All I did change into love you and all you did was harm me.

Sometimes you need to forget what you need so that you can don’t forget what you deserve. (Break Up Quotes)

Missing you isn’t what hurts. It is knowing that I had you and misplaced you.

Break Up Quotes For Guys

If you absolutely love a person, set them unfastened. If they do not come lower back to you, then it was now not intended to be.

In some relationships there comes a time while the 2 human beings just outgrow every different. (Break Up Quotes)

Break Up Quotes For Best Friends

Love is unconditional, however, relationships aren’t.

Nothing is worse than seeing the two of you collectively and knowing that I will never have you once more. (Break Up Quotes)

You handled me like an option, so I left you to want a choice.

The freshest love has the coldest quit. -Socrates

The heart was made to be broken. -Oscar Wilde

Sometimes good things crumble so better matters can come collectively.

You can’t make homes out of human beings… If he wants to leave, then let him leave. You are stunning. Something, not absolutely everyone knows the way to love. (Break Up Quotes)

I miss your smile, however, I missed mine greater.

If a person does now not care approximately losing you, then circulate on. There are many humans available that would die if it supposed dropping you.

There turned into “we” and “desire,” but nothing after.

Sometimes you need to receive that just due to the fact you can have room for a person for your coronary heart, it does no longer usually suggest which you should have room for them to your existence.

Read: Quotes About Being Alone Awesome Collection

Sometimes you simply must live your existence, although that means letting pass of someone who meant the sector to you.

If it became now not supposed to be, then it manner that there is something higher out there for you. (Break Up Quotes)

We had a few suitable times collectively and our love became proper, however, now it’s things have run their path and it is time for someone new.

Now that we are thru, I understand that I become no longer supposed to you.

Break Up Quotes For Best Friends

Now that we are over I experience empty internal, however, I know that this sense won’t close all the time.

After a breakup, the memories are sparkling and the pain remains uncooked. But after some time, all of it fades away and also you begin to heal. (Break Up Quotes)

Break Up Quotes Instagram

I should by no means hate you for not loving me anymore, but I hate myself because I nevertheless love you.

Distance will once in a while allow you to recognize who is well worth retaining and who is really worth letting move off.

If you aren’t certain wherein you stand with a person, then it is probably time to start on foot. (Break Up Quotes)

It is unhappy how a person can pass from being the motive you have been smiling to being the reason that you cry yourself to sleep.

I hope that at some point, you’ll look returned at what we had and you remorse the whole lot that you did to let it stop.

I notion that I was over you, but on every occasion my phone vibrates or rings, I locate myself wishing that it turned into a textual content from you. (Break Up Quotes)

Check: Quotes About Helping Others With Images

It can be very difficult to move on while you don’t understand why you have damaged up in the first area.

It is the hardest issue no longer being able to talk to a person that you used to talk to every day.

Nothing hurts greater than being upset by means of the individual that your concept could never harm you. (Break Up Quotes)

It isn’t honest that I’m sitting right here thinking of you and which you likely haven’t a notion of me at all seeing that we broke up.

It is one of the hardest matters in life to let go of something which you as soon as idea changed into reality.

I’m slightly respiratory with a broken coronary heart that is still beating.

Break Up Quotes Instagram

I pass over how glad I was when I turned into with you.

Missing you comes in waves and tonight I am drowning.

I recognize that there may be someone accessible to me, but I want that man or woman can be you. (Break Up Quotes)

I can feel you forgetting me.

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The craziest celebrities are the ones that stay at the tip of our minds even after we see their last breath of day. Now that times have changed and we notice a different side of the music business, the harsh reality is musicians must consistently be seen doing unthinkable acts by the paparazzi to be relevant in the game. Even introverts like The Weeknd need to show their faces every once in a while, or they will quickly be forgotten in favor of an artist that can party hard. The lifestyle of red carpet events, drugs, groupies and scandals can only last for so long. A few of the most infamous party animals such as Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers had to put it to rest. The other side of a musician’s lifestyle is most of the time represented by rappers, rock artists, and R&B singers dishing out lyrics about being in the VIP at a club or waking up the next morning not remembering what happened the night before. Most fans are expecting them to live up to the expectation and if not, they are considered boring. Who wants to pay $100 concert ticket to watch a dull artist? What we see on TV rarely matches the reality of these entertainers’ finances. Yes, we see the fancy mansions, decked out cars, a Rolex on the right arm or diamond grills in their teeth but it is only a small percentage of the truth. Let’s say it together everyone; music – business. Eighty percent is business, and twenty percent is what we enjoy as entertainment. It means the money can come quick like a train but might also disappear as fast as a one-hit wonder.

#1 Rihanna – Was $9 Million In Debt Rihanna is the epitome of pop star success. She is exotic, talented, funny, two-dimensional and has a net worth of $160 million. While the “Work, Work, Work” artist has wooed the hearts of fans worldwide, Rihanna has also run into cash flow problems in 2009. It does not come as a surprise because this was around the time she was in an abusive relationship with her then-boyfriend Chris Brown. Despite this fact, Miss Robyn Fenty pointed fingers at her accountant, alleging that he gave her terrible financial advice leading to her being $9 million in the hole. How can this happen, you ask? Let’s see. When Rihanna was dating, Chris Brown the both were in and out of night clubs as they fell in love, popped bottles and promoted themselves as artists. As a native Bajan (Barbadian), Rihanna is a jet setter that quite often visits her hometown. We also need to add that her best friend Melissa Forde has been a part of her entourage, traveling with Rihanna almost everywhere she goes. I doubt she is helping RiRi pay for first class flights and trips around the world while she is on tour. Nonetheless, most of her money went to purchasing a $7 million property that her accountant told her was okay to buy despite her over the top expenses. We’re rooting for you RiRi! We know you can keep pumping out hits to make up for your loss. A lesson to learn here is no matter how your romantic relationship can get, put the same effort into making sure that you don’t overspend.

#2 Ozzy Osbourne – Owed $1.7 Million In Taxes, Bought a Chicken Coop Ozzy Osbourne was at the height of his career in the 1980s when his album Blizzard of Oz went multi-platinum. He was energetic, fun, crazy; a natural born leader before and after he left his group The Black Sabbath. If you felt entertained while watching his MTV-reality show The Osbourne’s in the early 2000s, you could tell that the rock star persona was still in him despite having two children and a wife. Despite the family oriented/dysfunctional vibes on the show, there is one thing that Ozzy couldn’t resist while in his 20s, and that was quote on quote, partying like a rock star. He even has a single on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer soundtrack named “Party with the Animals.” What exactly does that mean? I’ll fill you in on the examples: His previous wife named Thelma Riley started to have enough of his partying. She went as far as buying a chicken coop, leaving him responsible for feeding his chickens at night. To show his wife he was unable to be tamed, he lit the coop on fire while shooting a gun. I can only imagine what she was going through. Thankfully enough, later on in life when Ozzy had financial troubles he and his current wife Sharon Osbourne pulled through and paid $1.7 million in back taxes. Now, that’s what I call a success story!

#3 Andrew W.K. – Blew All His Money Partying, But Smartened Up Andrew Fetterly Wilkes-Krier (aka Andrew W.K.) is a musician, music producer and songwriter who made popular hits such as “We Want Fun” and “Party Hard.” Not to say that Ozzy Osbourne had anything to do with his financial shortfall but Andrew was a headliner for Ozzy’s annual music festival called Ozzfest in 2001. A few of Andrew’s hit songs including “It’s Time to Party” were used in video games in addition to commercials. Wow! He must have been racking in a lot of money. Andrew W.K. considers himself to be a professional partier with no grasp of managing his finances. He has admitted to spending most of his money on partying because of hearing negative phrases from friends such as “money is the root of all evil” as he was growing up. Later, in life, a wise person in his circle told him that money could be good and bad. It depends on how people use it. As Andrew reminisced on the past, he thought about how he could have achieved more goals if he had handled it correctly. This guy might seem like an airhead because of the titles of his hit songs, but he came to realize that if you are poor, there is no way you can help other people and began spending his money more wisely on his family. What is the moral of Andrew’s story? Be weary of people that have bad money habits and beliefs that will make you think that money is negative.

#4 Puff Daddy (aka Sean Puffy Combs) – Has Had Artists Claim He Stole Their Money It seems that Puff Daddy has the world at his fingertips. Starting as an intern with Uptown Records after dropping out of Howard University turned out quite well for him. He is infamous in Miami for throwing all-white parties, and if you search his name with the word party, Google Image pages will tell the rest. Although the late Notorious B.I.G. is no longer with us, Puff Daddy helped birth the careers of many artists including French Montana, Mase, Bow Wow and the list goes on. Besides music, he made a smart decision to diversify his portfolio and opened a restaurant in 1998 located in the hot city of Atlanta called Justin’s, which is the name of one of his sons. In 2009 the IRS searched high and wide for Puff Daddy for a slightly over $7,000 back tax check for the restaurant. As a business man that always appears to be well dressed and so eloquent with his words, how can anyone miss that? Well, we all know that Puffy is known for partying and after popping bottles in the club for too many nights, forgetting to pay taxes for a business that is in another state can happen to anyone. Aside from his restaurant, there have been many of his artists that have come out of the woodwork admitting that Puffy cheated them out of money from music albums. The artists include the rap group The Lox, R&B singer Carl Thomas, and “Whoa!” Hit rapper Black Rob. No matter what Puffy is going through, the right thing to do is pay his artists for their hard work.

#5 Lindsay Lohan – Couldn’t Stay Away from the IRS or Jail She’s back! Yes, Lindsay Lohan is back in tinsel town. Not on the Hollywood scene but she pops up occasionally, in the news stories. Most know her for being an actress, but she is also a singer with four albums. I remember her as the innocent Disney star with bright red hair. I thought she was going to maintain the girl next door image. In the mid-2000s right before her career started to take a downturn, Lindsay would show up to movie sets late, became friends with Paris Hilson was pictured with Snoop Dog in the club and was proud of her behavior so much that she had a cameo in Pharrell Williams music video Everybody Knows. An infamous song about crazy things that happen at night clubs. Like Puff Daddy, the IRS came looking for her when she owed $250,000 in 2012 after she went bankrupt. After finding out that she had no plans to pay up, the IRS stopped her assets. Surprisingly enough, her celebrity friend Charlie Sheen helped her out with $100,000. Four years later it seems that her partying ways remain. We can at least say that she was close to being domesticated; she was recently engaged to a Russian Billionaire heir named Egor Tarabasov, later breaking up with him for his violent behavior. Well, it is never too late to get back on your feet Lindsay. One of the points we can learn from her story is there is nothing wrong with being a good girl. They usually last longer in their career and make better financial decisions.

#6 George Clinton – Lost All His Money To Financial Advisers  What is the first thing you think about when you hear the name, George Clinton? If you ask me, I reflect on the multi-colored dreadlocks and the party lifestyle that baby boomers would tell me about when they reminisce on their musical favorites. He had a good time performing with his bands Parliament and Funkadelic and earned the respect of the great James Brown. As he was traveling the globe with his band, taking part in some of the best parties while brushing shoulders with celebrities, he failed to pay attention to the little details of his compensation from the record label that he deserved. George went on the record to say that he earned less money than his fans thought. He had no idea that his business partners and managers took ownership of the publishing rights to all his music. If he played his cards right, he could have retired earlier on in life. Owning the publishing rights to hit music means receiving a check every month in the mail. In 1984 Mr. Clinton, unfortunately, filed for bankruptcy to avoid an economic mess. On a more positive note, George Clinton’s last day on tour in 2016 is on December 31 in Las Vegas. He also has a book that was published in 2014 out right now called “Brothas Be, Yo Like George, Ain’t That Funkin’ Kinda Hard on You? A Memoir.” Who knows? With all the tours, he had lined up this year and his book; there’s a possibility that he can get himself back in the green.

#7 Allen Iverson – Thankfully Will Get $30 Million When He Turns 55 Allen Iverson wore many hats as an NBA player including being a rapper. It is common as a matter of fact for most athletes to want to step into the studio. I once asked one of my NBA obsessed friends what happened to Allen Iverson? Nothing had me more prepared than watching a documentary on Netflix of him called Iverson. He had a whirlwind of media scandal’s, and it doesn’t help that his cornrows (at a time when they weren’t a favorite of the NBA), and his thug-life persona was intimidating to society, although he was known as being one of the top shooting guards ever to live. Allen Iverson lived a lifestyle behind the scene like most American athletes. He partied a lot, and the money gave him a bit more pep in his step to the point when he thought he could say controversial comments to the press and get away with it. Sources state that he made up to $200 million throughout his career, mostly from his endorsement deals. In addition to fancy jewelry, real estate, and fast cars it started to override his fame and when the day came that the courts garnished his bank account, it was a life awakening event. He opened his statement and noticed a $900,000 deficit for payment towards jewelry. Out of all the organizations that he can thank for an opportunity is Reebok. He apparently has a $30 million trust with the shoe company that will become available the minute he turns 55 years old.

#8 Amy Winehouse – Did Not Have a Will Amy Winehouse had a heart full of soul, broke boundaries of what jazzy rhythm and blues looked like, lived her life like a rock star and her meltdown was captured by media for the world to see. Even until today, new artists from the UK mimic her singing style to continue the legacy of Miss Winehouse. Before she died, Amy was married to Blake Fielder, who many blame her excessive partying and drug addiction due to the emotional abuse that he imposed on the creative songstress. Shortly after they got married, we started to see a different Amy Winehouse. After a crazy night of partying, the paparazzi caught her walking barefoot around London town. She was drastically losing weight because of her drug addictions. Her voice was taking a toll and news outlets publicized that her performances including the one in Dubai in February 2011 were a disappointment. Her estate was said to be worth over £4 million which equals $6.7 million in US dollars. However, with her additional debts and taxes that needed payment, the most disappointing part of this story is she did not write up a will before she left to give what was left over to family and loves ones. At the end of the day from a financial perspective Amy Winehouse lost out big time; when our time to go comes we can’t take the money with us which means the tax man and other non-family sources took over what she worked so hard for.

#9 Luke Campbell – Thought He Was Too Cool For The IRS If you don’t know about Luther Campbell, get ready to learn today. Luther is infamous for making hit music (that in my opinion) started the campaign of booty shaking songs all over the world in the early 1990s. If you think misogynistic music is bad now, imagine how much it was not accepted back, then. The lyrics in his music stirred controversy and here’s how it happened. In 1989 he was in a group called As Nasty As They Wanna Be and a hit single on the album caught the attention of the American Family Association (AF) leading to court visits for making obscene music. Now to get back to the topic, Luther Campbell was the Jamie Foxx of our time throwing over the top parties with women in itty-bitty swimsuits with rappers, R&B singers, rock stars and their entourages all in one house. Although he is known for starting a musical trend that brought him millions of dollars, he had to pay off legal fees for his raunchy lyrics and was also unable to pay the IRS $74,000 in taxes in 2012. To go back in history, his record label Luke Records went into bankruptcy. At the end of the day, Luther now works a few jobs as a Miami New Times writer and is the coach for a Pee Wee football team. What can we learn from Luke’s story? Watch your words, actions and what you write. It might offend someone and if you decide to cross the line, make sure it is timely. Breaking the mold in a traditional industry might sound genius but give it time and break down barriers when the time is right.

#10 Lil Wayne – Spends $55,000 a Month on a Jet Lately, Lil Wayne has been in the tabloids more for his lifestyle versus his legacy of making epic music. He is one of the few mainstream rappers that was good enough to sit in on an interview with Katie Couric in 2009 on her talk show named Katie. Wealthy Millennials in the suburbs flocked to his skateboard riding persona even though his lyrics about being ghetto fabulous were not even close to their reality. The one thing that Lil Wayne or his public relations team can’t deny is the man partied more than a DJ. He has even spent $30,000 at Diamonds club in less than 3 hours. A $30,000 donation to an organization for in-need families would have been a better expenditure! Nonetheless, the stories about his career with Cash Money Records were leaked, his $55,000 a month jet and $30 million worth of fine art in his Miami Beach castle were re-possessed. I need to add that he also owes $2 million to a company named Signature Group, and is still in financial dispute with Cash Money Records owner Birdman for money from previous albums he hasn’t received. My goodness. I hope that Lil Wayne figures it out or gives us another great album to take care of his situation. The lesson today from Lil Wayne’s lifestyle is to curb expensive addictions and pay attention to the small details of money you spend. Partying is a luxury, but when the year ends, and you have nothing to show for, the only person you can hold accountable is yourself.

#11 James Hetfield – Wasted Money on Drugs and Alcohol Forcing Them To Keep Working If you have a debate with your friends about the best rock band ever to exist, Metallica might end up in the conversation. This group has traveled to perform in all the great cities worldwide. North America loves a lifestyle train wreck to success story no matter who it is, and it helps even more if you are a musician. James Hetfield admitted to cleaning up his act after a long time of drinking excessive alcohol and being addicted to extracurricular drugs. In 2001 he became sober and got his life back on track. Woo hoo! Even an alcoholic with a resilient liver can’t fight off the way it impairs your mind, lessens the number of brain cells to improve memory and makes you make irrational decisions. James and the group hired staff they could not afford and were unable to keep up with an entertainment corporation. Because of the mishaps, Metallica cannot retire; they have to tour every summer to make up for the loss. They tried to create a movie, but unfortunately, the film Through the Never flopped. It was over budget, and if successful, it could have helped them out with a chunk of their debt. As one of the thought to be richest bands in the world, James has a lot of work ahead of him. To all of the upcoming rockers reading this story. Do your best not to let this happen to you.

#12 The Goo Goo Dolls – Made $0 Off Album  Another fete passionate group, the Goo Goo Dolls, made our list. While we wish they had a better story ending with the success of their musical catalog, it looks like fun parties and keeping up with the Joneses was one part of the business this band couldn’t resist. More recently in 2013, Johnny Rzeznik, the lead man in the group stopped drinking. He told CNN “I quit drinking. And that lightened up my perspective on the world quite a bit… I think our last album was a bummer. But the only way out is to go through, so that was going through. And now we’re out on the other end.” In the 1990s the band sold over 2 million albums while under contract with Warner Bros. Even after the Goo Goo Dolls owed Warner Bros. money, the record label was kind enough to give them an advance after completing the Dizzy Up the Girl album in 1998. Until this day, none of the members have seen one penny of royalties from earnings for the album. It makes full sense that the strategy for the record label to request an album was to recoup the money. We would think that the three members learned from their partying ways back in the day, but more recently they surround their performances around parties. The moral of Goo Goo Doll’s story: a rock star lifestyle can be a reality without doing things to destroy your life. In your twenties and thirties you can catch up, but if you’re forty years old in the business with no assets to your name, you may have to start all over again.

#13 Courtney Love – Walked Away From Nirvana Collection When I think of Courtney Love, my mind turns to Kurt Cobain, plastic surgery and her love for the nightlife. Her first music video I can remember on MTV made me believe that she had what it took to be the next Madonna or being respected much like her counterpart (back then) Gwen Stefani. Whether it was her personal issues or the death of her late husband Kurt Cobain, she was the talk of the town and not for the right reasons. If you are thinking that she was caught a few times in her past for being tipsy, it is 2016 now, and she ended up booted out of a Guns N’ Roses party at Coachella for drinking too much. Who gets tossed out of a rock stars party? That means she was acting out more than a male pop artist that will get a pat on the back for his behavior. It is a belief that she is worth $150 million but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. She made $27 million of Nirvana’s estate disappear; apparently, she inherited this money in 2006 after her husband died. When interviewed by the Business Insider about this she said that she “had to let it go.” If she was sober when she made this decision, her daughter Frances Bean owns the Nirvana music catalog, and after turning 40 years of age, she will be the board member of the Empire. Note to self, never make a child responsible for an estate. While this sounds like a good way to create generational wealth, you have no idea how your son or daughter will turn out. Five percent of the Estate looks good. Twenty-five percent of the estate, even better, but be ready to groom them for the responsibility before the time comes.

#14 Busta Rhymes – Forgot To Pay His Taxes Busta Rhymes had the swag to become the next Snoop Dog. His dreadlocks, tough guy stare, heavy build and Jamaican accent in some of his songs were loved by many. If we count down the top 20 rappers of all time, he will end up on the list. We don’t know if it was his fast rapping style or his fearless New York mindset, he couldn’t shake off the nightlife. Busta Rhymes music played at night clubs, weddings, and birthday parties. It didn’t take rocket science to realize at the beginning of his career that he will carry out his lively personality we see in his music videos in night clubs in New York, and major cities he would perform in. Much like the other artists in my article, Busta forgot to pay his taxes on time owing more than $800,000. He even dedicated partying in a rap song featuring Zhane named “It’s a Party” in 1996. In 2015 at an after party for the BET awards, Busta ended up being in a club where a shooting took place. He was with rappers Meek Mill, The Game, and T-Pain. Also, he is the life of the party so much that fashion designer Alexander Wang called him on stage at his after-party in September 2012. When a successful fashion designer invites you to a party, you know you made it in life. Busta is also a good time Charlie with prim and proper celebrities. In 1997 the cookie cutter Martha Stewart took pictures with him on the red carpet at the MTV Music Awards.

#15 Tupac Against the World – Was Worth $40 Million But Died With Under $100,000 When you are an artist signed to a music label named Death Row Records it is probably a part of your contract to live out the life of a real gangster. Tupac Shakur was a man of many faces; besides the one we know the most, he was an activist, critic of politics, and an avid reader of the sciences. That is not bad for a gangster rapper! At the same time, Tupac had his share of run-ins with the law and had no choice but to live up to the thug life image with a boss like Suge Knight. He was conflicted between being a simple man or pursuing a new career. Before the end of his demise, Tupac Shakur wanted to turn his skills that he learned as an actor in Gridlock’d (co-starring the British actor Tim Roth) into working in front of the big screen. There are many theories out there as to why he is dead; Tupac wanted out of Death Row Records to change careers or the hip hop beef with the Notorious B.I.G. At the end of the day, the most shocking part of his lifestyle is he died with only $60,000 in the bank. Say what? How can a man with a net worth of $40 million die with less than a $100,000 to his name? Here’s the answer. As much as he was an intellectual, Tupac loved late nights at the nightclubs. Before he passed, he was engaged to music producer Quincy Jones daughter Kidada Jones, but before then he enjoyed the presence of female groupies. His assets such as his beautiful rental house in the Kardashians hometown of Calabasas was taken care of by Suge Knight and his fancy Rolls-Royce, Mercedes-Benz and BMW on rims were all owned by Mr. Knight as well.

Source: TheRIchest

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10 Ghanaian Celebrity Relationships You Never Knew About – #1 & 2 Were Perfectly Kept Secret

Ghpage had written several Ghanaian relationship articles. Those that didn’t work out and the ones that ended up in scandals have all been clearly written on this blog.

However, it is Ghpage‘s “business to put out what nobody knows or perhaps what you knew but needed more clarification.

Of course, we have to be very honest about it in as much as we can. It’s not our fault, that’s where Ghpage find itself now.

Most celebrities across the world always want to hide their relationships and still haven’t been able to figure out why these popular figures always decide to do that.

To me, I think it’s a matter of insecurity or both not sure whether the relationship will work out even before it starts.

If it works out well, hurray!!, we let the world know, if not, then we go our separate ways.

In fact, a lot of the celebrity relationships in Ghana but with an exception of a few are hidden and we only get to hear until broken or when it’s finally over.

As they say, there is a little bit of truth in every rumor … So Ghpage.com today takes you through 10 Ghanaian Celebrity Relationships You Never Knew About or as stated earlier, those you knew but need more clarifications.

And oh Don’t forget to share or comment after reading — It tells us to bring you more..Let’s take a ride;

10. Adebayor and Yvonne Okoro

The Emmanuel Adebayor and Yvonne Okoro relationship is quite and interesting one. Out of nowhere, we heard rumors that the rich Togolese footballer, Emmanuel Adebayor has impregnated Yvonne Okoro.

That was not all, but several rumors flew in that Adebayor has started spoiling the Ghanaian actress with car gifts (Adebayor is one of the richest footballers in Africa and of course, could easily afford them- You remember he bought a car, in fact, a Range for comedian Funny Face?). And as Adebayor could get Yvonne Okoro any day which made everyone believed they actually dated.The actress came out to deny the claims but once again, there could be a little truth to every rumor.

9.JOSELYN DUMAS AND JOHN DUMELO I remember where this started from. Joselyn Dumas, who was then the host of “the One Show” on Viasat interviewed John Dumelo in one of the series of the program.

In that interview, John made it categorically clear he wants to date the host(Joselyn Dumas). That was his response to a question Dumas asked if he had a girlfriend. ” No, I don’t have a girlfriend and it is you I want to date”.John said. Viewers took it as a joke but it seems John Dumelo didn’t take it as such.Peace Hyde confirm the suspicions. When Peace Hyde burst into the scene, there were rumors that she was dating Dumelo. Answering a question whether she is dating the actor she said ” ..Oh , no ..but John is dating Joselyn Dumas, how can I date him? .” She rhetorically asked.

8. SAMINI AND ADWOA SARFO Samini and Adwoa Sarfo relationship dates back to about 7 years ago. Samini during those years was the luckiest musician to be dating the youngest lawyer in Ghana, Adwoa Safo (who is currently the MP for Dome and also the Procurement minister).

According to rumors, Ghpage.com heard at the time, Adwoa Safo’s father, Apostle Kwadwo Safo Kantanka, who is a pastor didn’t like Samini’s work and the dreadlocks that come with it.

Samini according to the rumor mill , was given an option to either cut it off and drop it all for Adwoa or forget it. When he refused, Adwoa was forced to cut Samini off. Their split inspired Samini’s hit song “Where My Baby Dey” as most of the lyrics in the songs was too personal many people say.

7.KIKI BANSON AND BECCAAccording to Becca Acheampong , her former manager, Kiki gave her a life when her own family frowned on her because she chooses to do music.

Becca says Kiki gave her a place to stay when she returned to Ghana from London. Worked on her and even took her to the maiden edition Tv3’s mentor to help start her music career. Becca qualified from the audition to participate but couldn’t be part of the music reality show because of some clauses which they (Becca and Kiki ) felt it wasn’t favorable. For a manager, to go through all these? “Who rear chickens and eat frogs ” ,lol..so it was not all that a secret or surprising that Becca and Kiki Banson dated.You can call it whatever you wanna call it , ” friends with benefit” or “appreciation and LOVE”, it’s our call.

6.MZBEL AND PRINCE KOFI AMOABENG (Founder, UT Holdings) As of today, Mzbel’s baby-father is still a mystery.However, one thing for sure we know is that Mzbel was and still living too good after she wasn’t into active music.

When she was pregnant, she received lots of gifts in the form of luxury cars. Mzbel also has her own boutique. For someone who didn’t make much from her music, it kind of raised eyebrows. Many have fingered the UT Bank boss as the man behind Mzbel’s pregnancy and because he’s a public figure, Mzbel is being sorted to keep it a secret.

The picture above cemented the rumors. 5.SANDRA ANKOBIAH AND PAEDAE of R2BEES News went viral last two years that Sandra and Paedae had secretly dated for two years until the latter eventually disclosed their relationship during a radio interview on Live FM.

Sandra has been spotted countless times at R2Bees shows and even press conferences.They were captured having more or less a beautiful “honeymoon” in Dubai a year ago.The fashionista and the showbiz lawyer, Sandra Ankobiah on several occasions has tried to dodge questions related to her relationship with the leader of R2Bees. In a chat with Hitz FM’s MzGee, some few days ago she said;

“I would like to tell those interested in this matter that, don’t focus on that because it is not important. There are so many more important things that we should be focusing our energies on than talking about who is dating who. Let’s talk about how we can make a difference.”

4.IYANYA AND YVONNE NELSON

When the rumor about the two in a relationship first broke out, they both refuted the claims.

It might be because Yvonne was actually denying being it as Iyanya was a nobody back then. Nobody should tell you Yvonne Nelson made Iyanya this big. The world got to know they were actually in a relationship after according to Yvonne , Iyanya had broken her heart. She hopped from one TV to the other TV crying out about her lost love and giving him free promo whilst his song was picking up. This seems to be Yvonne’s biggest broken heart as till date she still talks about it. You should know the Iyanya story already right, he even sang about it.”Your waist, your waist, Yvonne all I want is your waist.

3.Adwoa Safo and Kennedy Agyapong If the relationship between Kennedy Agyapong and Hon Adwoa Sarfo was a secret, then it is no more. In case you didn’t know Hon. Adwoa Sarfo has 2 children with the outspoken Member of Parliament, Kennedy Ohene Agyapong.

When they ended their relationship rumors were rife with allegations that Kennedy was a violent man and subjected her to abuse and that led to their breakup. But Adwoa Sarfo denied it. She claims the relationship couldn’t last because of competing goals and visions between them. She said:

“You’ve gone into relationships and you realize things don’t work out, so its with everybody. I’just like anybody…you go into something and probably as time goes on you don’t see it the way you want it, probably you’d want to move on. Explaining further on why they broke up, Adwoa said:

“Sometimes you need to share in your dreams, once we are both politicians we have very competing interests and competing goals and vision. At some point it might not be on the same level and you might want to push it on your own. Politics probably pushed us apart. Of cause politics does a lot of things and so sometimes you just make the right decision then you move on” Adwoa Safo concluded.

2.Former President KUFOUR AND GIFTY ANTIThis sounds more like US former president, Clinton and Monica Lewinsky’s saga.And this also passes to be one of the most blown-up rumors of all time about popular Ghanaians who dated. Gifty Anti was on various occasions rumored to be dating the former President of Ghana, J.A. Kufour. There were even adult jokes about them. Gifty Anti after years of holding it back decided to speak out and clear the air that she didn’t date Kufour, they were rather just friends. Well … Let’s just believe that for now. 1. NANA AMA MCBROWN AND FORMER PRESIDENT KUFFOUR Nana Ama Mcbrown and the former president of Ghana, J.A Kuffuor were rumored to be dating. Personally, I didn’t quite hear much about it.

But in an interview on TV, Nana Ama McBrown was asked the most shocking rumor in her career and she said, she was once rumored to be dating former President Kufour.

She said she was shocked as to why people will make things like that up. Whether they actually dated or not is still a rumor