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goodlesson · 4 years

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peyt’s big bad bastille fic rec post

have i read literally everything in the bastille ao3 tag at least three times over? unfortunately yes. and now i’m here to share my wisdom with you all!!

bella (@dansmlth) asked for fic recs so i figured i’d just....compile everything into one post for easy access. this list has p much every pairing under the sun, so hopefully there’s something for everyone. happy reading y’all!!

please make sure you heed any warnings on ao3 before reading; some of these are certainly more heavy and triggering than others.

p.s. if you need more recs, ej (@mirandabeach) has a great list here. you can also check out my ao3 bookmarks.

dan/kyle:

i’ve never felt my heart like this by unfinishedidea (explicit, 5k)

“‘My quiff makes them panties drop,’ or, Kyle finally accepts that fans aren’t the only ones obsessed with Dan’s hair,” by Kyle Simmons, age twenty-four and a half.

lights by trash (teen, 4k)

Kyle gets a flat, with bonus flatmate.

through the years by trailsofpaper (explicit, 13k)

Five times Dan and Kyle have sex, and the one time they finally kiss again.

you are enough by trash (teen, 2k)

Kyle is in a shit house share, three miles from campus, with less money to spend on getting rat arsed than he had initially envisioned. In fact, university is turning out to be an all round utter shit show. But then there's Dan.

and in the morning you’ll be stranded in love (it goes around and around) by brujay (teen, 15k)

“Have you seen Groundhog Day?”

Kyle took a moment before replying. “I have… what exactly are you trying to say, here?”

Dan sighed again. “I think I’m living it.” Dan gets trapped in a time loop, and he is not having a good time.

help me piece it all together, darling by trailsofpaper (explicit, 16k)

Dan Smith, sometime after he turns fourteen, travels in time. What follows, if not chronologically, is a life of existential dread and an inability to follow his dreams. Dan thinks there is no purpose to it, and is resigned to this existence of inconvenience, until he goes to a party where he meets a dark-eyed man with a bright smile, who is sure they've met before.

exorcise my mind by brujay (explicit, 12k)

BBC Radio 1 @BBCR1 • 12h

BREAKING: @bastilledan just came out live on air! Listen back here -> bbc.in/2jREPsm #WildWorld

days that bind us series by lady_icarus (teen to explicit, 47k total)

When Kyle meets Dan at a party, he's not sure what he's expecting to come of utilizing the messy number scrawled on his arm. Near-daily texts of "join my band" wasn't even in his top five expectations. And yet getting pulled in by dazzling eyes and a mesmerizing smile wasn't as much of a surprise as it should have been.

nothing except my aching heart by trailsofpaper (explicit, 9k)

Dan is an exotic dancer, and Kyle is just the lights and sound guy. He didn't ever stand a chance, did he?

who the fuck is keith by cornflakes_canvas (teen, WIP, 125k so far)

"So, you want me to fake-date Kyle, whom you owe a favour, so he can convince his crazy ex that he's gay, which he's not, so she'll stop stalking him, and you can't do it yourself cause he'd never date you if he was gay. Which. He's not."

Ralph considered his words for a moment, then broke into a small grin. "Sounds about right?"

i’ll see you in the future when we’re older by trailsofpaper (explicit, 9k)

Glastonbury, 2016. Dan would look forward to it if Brexit hadn't just happened, and if he could remember the last time they performed at the festival. Whatever happened on that night in 2013, Kyle won't tell him, and Dan never thought to ask.

keep chasing echoes of my mind by orphan_account (teen, 9k)

“I’ll be okay, you know,” Dan mumbles, slowly, rubbing nervous circles against Kyle’s wrist with his thumb. “There’ll be other people coming along, we have everything planned out ahead, and if they ever start being suspicious of us we’ll be right out of there before they can even touch us.” Kyle nods, quietly. Dan tightens the grip he has on his hand a little. “It’s just a few months! I’ll be reporting back every once in awhile, too, and I’ll be fully back before you even know it.”

“It’s just…” Dan’s head perks up as Kyle finally turns around to face him. “I’d like it a lot better if you didn’t have to go at all.”

give me something to remember by thoseseconds (explicit, 11k)

They’ve cuddled like this before, just… never during the day. The cuddling is a night thing that they do when everyone else is asleep and not there to judge them, but Dan has been strangely touchy ever since the train ride here.

argonautica orpheus by trailsofpaper (mature, 17k)

Kyle, like Jason on the Argos, sets out on a journey to retrieve something important but, more importantly, he finds love along the way. Dan, unlike Orpheus, doesn’t look back.

(Dan and Kyle are flatmates in Leeds, but when Kyle wrecks his keyboard a week before he and Dan are about to enter a competition, they need to go to London to get another keyboard. Complications and even shenanigans ensue.)

don’t paint wonderful lies on me by atrophicgalaxy (explicit, WIP, 7k so far)

That was one of the reasons why Dan hated these types of conversations. He didn’t understand, couldn’t relate. It made him feel like an alien, this strange out of place being observing the real people who experienced normal things. Dan didn’t have the same urges.

Dan is asexual and he's been burnt before. Trying to navigate that, and his own head, in such close proximity to the rest of the band takes its toll. And then there's Kyle.

drown all sorrow by trailsofpaper (explicit, 4k)

Dan would rather chat with a dark-eyed and nimble bartender than watch a burlesque show. He is also propositioned via drink - twice.

turning saints into the sea by thoseseconds (explicit, 3k)

“Oh my god.” Dan suddenly says, cutting Kyle out of his thoughts. “You’re jealous.”

a million pieces by trash (g, 1k)

Dan should have never kissed Kyle.

kiss? by trash (mature, 1k)

Dan is drunk again.

you won’t remember this (a kiss is just a kiss) by trailsofpaper (mature, 21k)

1930, Los Angeles. The weather is unchanging and so is Kyle Simmons, but when he meets fellow British expat Dan Smith, the singer with the bright blue eyes, Kyle thinks he might have found something to strive for. Dan wants more from life than playing the piano in smoky Hollywood jazz clubs, but Kyle isn't sure he's able to follow him even if he wanted to. His past threatens to drag him down, and Kyle doesn't want to drag Dan down with him.

charlie/dan:

like the world is watching series by heartbreakordeath (g to teen, 14k total)

Everyone is here except for me And I can feel the world is watching - the world is watching, two door cinema club

invisible string by williever (mature, WIP, 8k so far)

That's the only thing he hates about parties - people tend to turn up to them.

i wanna pour my feelings down the drain (fall headfirst like paper planes) by dansmlth, williever (teen, 11k)

Charlie often wondered what a relationship would entail for him.

Was he just supposed to put his heart on the line before either of them got invested? “Hi, nice to meet you, you’re cute, also I don’t want to fuck you ever? Please don’t take that the wrong way?” Jesus. He’d like to not ever put himself in such an awkward position.

dan/will:

i’m afraid the ground will swallow me whole by theonline (mature, 8k)

They had barely aged. A couple of wrinkles had collected around Will’s eyes, but that was it. He noted that Will had dropped the American accent and he sounded like home. Dan felt himself break.

“I just don’t want to be alone anymore.”

kyle/will:

place your head on my own by theonline (explicit, 6k)

Sounds began to flood his ears: the sizzling of something cooking in a pan, Will lightly humming, and the TV in the background:

We will be with Great Britain in these final hours, right up to the very end.

dan/ralph:

sinking for something by parachutiste (mature, 3k)

Dan thinks it's worth a try, liking how it feels a little bit weird at first, and not weird at all pretty soon after. Ralph always seems to forget the next morning. Dan doesn't.

#fic rec #peyton speaks #i'm not putting this in the tag for obvious reasons #happy reading kiddos!

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ladyanatui · 5 years

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Ultimate Daiken Playlist, Pt. 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

This is the abridged version of my Spotify playlist for all things Daiken, organized from the start of 02 to...eventually.

Part 2 specifically covers from Ken finding Wormmon’s Digi-Tama to just after XV-mon and Stingmon Jogress-evolve into Paildramon.

TRIGGER WARNING: This post discusses depression, suicide, emotional abuse, and PTSD quite a lot. Take care of yourselves, folks!

Spotify Playlist

Click the song titles for YouTube links (apparently you can’t have more than five videos in a post), and otherwise, enjoy me rambling about Daiken.

One final note: Within the lyrics, I’ve emphasized meaningful words, such as night/nightmare, dark/darkness, miracle(s), kind/kindness, courage/bravery, friend/friendship, sun/star/light, fire/burn/ignite, angel(s), and words related to water/drowning.

“What If This Is All the Love You Ever Get?” by Snow Patrol

What if it hurts like hell? Then it'll hurt like hell Come on over, come on over here I'm in the ruins too I know the wreckage so well Come on over, come on over here What if this is all the love you ever get?

If “Tell Me Why” by Three Days Grace focuses on Wormmon’s death, this song focuses on Ken’s trip to the Village of Beginnings, where he finds Wormmon’s egg and brings him back. Because Ken is absolutely scared that he won’t be able to find Wormmon because, as far as he believes, he doesn’t deserve to have him back. Obviously, that’s not true, and the pair is reunited and Wormmon even evolves to Stingmon between episodes (unfortunately).

“Aftermath” by Adam Lambert

Wanna scream out, no more hiding Don't be afraid of what's inside Gonna tell ya you'll be alright In the aftermath

Alright, this song is probably pretty obvious. Ken has to deal with the aftermath of what happened to him/what he did, and so do the rest of the Chosen Children. The others are cleaning up the Digital World while he’s learning to be an eleven-year-old boy again and allowing his parents to get to know him for the first time, even while he still tries to figure out who he is.

“Demons” by The All-American Rejects

Am I even here? Is it still even me? Am I some of the man that I still claim to be? It's like losing a fight, I'm alone in the ring You come to fix me? Would you believe, could you believe you need me?

Obviously, it’s not that easy, though. And when we experience trauma the way Ken does, having his choices and very personality taken from him, there’s a long road of recovery.

“Sinking Man” by Of Monsters and Men

Cold, dark sea Wrapping its arms around me Pulling me down to the deep All eyes on me

I pushed you away Although I wished you could stay So many words left unsaid But I'm all out of breath

I associate this song especially with the scene Ken and Daisuke share by the canal, where Daisuke asks Ken to apologize and join the team. The moment apologizing is mentioned, Ken agrees--which, of course, has Daisuke over the moon--but then he asks if Daisuke thinks the others would forgive him, if a mere apology would make up for everything he did.

Although he’s certainly right about them not accepting an apology without action and follow-through to back it up, he’s also (surprise, surprise) self-sabotaging. And that’s even more apparent the moment Daisuke calls him their “partner.” Ken flips out and runs off pretty quickly.

“The Real You” by Three Days Grace

And it seems like I've known you forever I'll keep you safe for one more night Need you to know that it's all right I see the real you Even if you don't I do I do

And this is the other side of the coin. Daisuke’s perspective of that same scene/situation. Because Daisuke looked into the Digimental of Miracles and he knows that Ken is good. He knows it with all his freaking beautiful heart, and he’s willing to completely ignore the other Chosen Children when they outright tell him they don’t want Ken on the team. He doesn’t care what they say because he knows how wrong they are, and he knows how wrong Ken is about himself.

It’s pretty safe to say that Daisuke is the only person in all of 02 who sees Ken for who he really is, and he’s willing to put everything on the line, including the team morale and dynamics, to support Ken.

“Numb” by Linkin Park

Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control 'Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow Every step that I take is another mistake to you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow And every second I waste is more than I can take

What playlist about a character with depression would be complete without this? “Numb” is an iconic depression song, made even more so by Chester Bennington’s death, though Linkin Park has so many songs related to depression and mental health.

**Okay, it’s pretty safe to say the next six songs have to do with the two-part episode (episodes 26 & 27) revolving around Daisuke and Ken’s initial Jogress evolution. It’s kind of a big deal, so it’s a big deal in the playlist as well. The event functions as 02′s midpoint and centerpiece, so it’s one of the most emotionally charged and important scenes in the whole season. It really can’t be summed up in a song or two.**

“This Is How I Disappear” by My Chemical Romance

Can you hear me cry out to you? Words I thought I'd choke on figure out I'm really not so with you anymore I'm just a ghost So I can't hurt you anymore

This song in particular is about Ken’s suicidal ideation, the technical term for suicidal thoughts. Ken is what is sometimes called “gray suicidal” (since people often think of suicide in black and white terms, which isn’t accurate) because he has no specific plan to kill him, he’s never attempted suicide, and he doesn’t want to actually die.

And yet, he thinks about death a lot and that he deserves to die and that his death would help fix things because he can’t hurt anyone if he’s dead. He wants to punish himself, and he wants to carry all of the burden because he thinks he deserves it. (Obviously, this isn’t true, as Ken’s story arc is more about overcoming trauma than about redeeming himself--but you’d have a hard time convincing Ken of that fact.)

“Friend, Please” by Twenty One Pilots

Would you let me know your plans tonight 'Cause I just won't let go till we both see the light And I have nothing else left to say But I will listen to you all day, yes, I will

So basically, these next couple songs sum up the argument Daisuke and Ken have before their digivices light up for the Jogress evolution. First, Daisuke tries to convince Ken to let them help, that they’ll work together, but...

“Save Yourself” by My Darkest Days

I’m the devil’s son straight out of hell And you’re an angel with a haunted heart If you’re smart you’d run and protect yourself From the demon living in the dark There’s nothing to be gained cause I can never change And you can never understand my sickness

Oh, look, Ken is being stubborn and frustrating and self-sabotaging yet again. He legitimately thinks the others will be better off if they leave him alone, and he means that both because if he’s the only one inside the base when it explodes, they’ll survive and because if they keep their distance from him in regards to friendship, he can’t hurt them emotionally. And worst of all, he’s roped Wormmon/Stingmon in on this suicidal atonement thing. *smh*

Ken: I won’t let people suffer anymore because of what I did...no more. ... I want to restore the Digital World with my own hands, but things just keep getting worse. I can’t stand it! Stingmon (to XV-mon): If there’s any way I can atone for the sins I’ve committed... Ken: It doesn’t matter what happens to me! Right now, I have to stop this reactor.

Bonus points for references to angels and hearts, though since this is from Ken’s perspective, Daisuke would be the “angel with a haunted heart.” Not sure that imagery works well, but the rest of it does.

“Die for You” by Starset

Some day when galaxies collide We'll be lost on different skies I will send my rocket ship to find you Because I know you're lost when you run away Into the same black holes and black mistakes Taking all my will just to run alone Until I bring you home

And what’s Daisuke’s reaction to Ken being stubborn and stupid? Bitch-slap him! He fucking needs it. (That’s everyone’s solution in this show, I swear.) And Daisuke isn’t going to let him get away with that shit. He yells and shouts and berates Ken until he finally looks at it from someone else’s perspective:

Daisuke: You idiot! *slap* How can you say that? Daisuke: Think of who would be sad if you were gone. If I let you go now and you never come back, I’ll regret it forever. So I won’t let you go! Daisuke: You may be okay with it, but I’m not. Ken: Motomiya... Daisuke: Live! Daisuke: If you die now, you won’t be able to accomplish anything. I don’t want that. Ken: I don’t want that either. There are still many things I must do. Ken: Besides, I don’t want to make my family sad anymore...

Note: I cut out XV-mon’s lines to Stingmon here because Daisuke’s words are the important part of this conversation, but I separated Daisuke’s lines where XV-mon spoke for clarity.

“Divide” by Bastille

Why would we divide when we could come together? Just bodies that collide, lost and found each other So don't, don't leave me alone Don't leave me alone, don't leave me alone Why would we divide when we could come together?

It’s only after that, after they understand each other on a monumental level, that they are able to Jogress evolve. And boy is that an experience. No other Jogress partners (except maybe Taichi and Yamato) have this intense of an experience with Jogress evolution, none have their bond.

And quite frankly, this song is about as poorly veiled a hint at sex as Jogress evolution is. Just listen to it. You’ll see.

But this song also shows Ken’s hesitation when it comes to Jogress. They work so well together, they’re completely in sync, they understand each other, but he’s definitely not ready to join the team or be Daisuke’s partner.

“Heartlines” by Florence + The Machine

Your heart is the only place that I call home Can I be returned, you can You can, we can

Just keep following The heartlines on your hand

Okay, and last one about the Jogress evolution! This one should be pretty damn obvious too: When Daisuke and Ken have their initial Jogress, one of the most notable things that makes it different from all others’ Jogress experiences is the fact that they can feel/hear each other’s heartbeats.

Soul fucking mates.

“Pieces” by Sum 41

This place is so empty My thoughts are so tempting I don't know how it got so bad Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing can save me But it's the only thing that I have

But when everything is over and Daisuke explains exactly how the experience was for him (“When our Digimon combined, our thoughts and feelings flowed through each of our bodies. Our hearts beating as one…it was an amazing feeling of unity! That’s when I knew we were partners.”), Ken panics and tells him, “I’m qualified to be your partner yet,” and walks away before Daisuke really has the chance to process what happened. Despite Daisuke’s words before they Jogress-evolved, Ken is still determined to redeem himself before allowing himself to join the team.

“Run” by Snow Patrol

Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you, dear

Of course, that would require Daisuke to know how to take no for an answer. Even if Ken isn’t going to listen to him and join the team, he still includes him as much as he can, and he is determined to stick by Ken’s side even if he doesn’t want him there.

And it may look to an outsider like Daisuke isn’t respecting Ken’s wishes, which yeah, that’s technically true. But by this time, Daisuke understands Ken better than anyone, save Wormmon, and while Daisuke may not respect Ken’s wishes, he respects Ken more than Ken respects himself. More than anything, he wants to help Ken, and he will be there for Ken to lean on if he ever needs to.

“Not Today” by Twenty One Pilots

Heard you say, "Not today" Tore the curtains down, windows open now, make a sound Heard your voice, "There's no choice" Tore the curtains down, windows open now, make a noise

I'm, I'm out of my mind, I'm not seeing things right I waste all this time trying to run from you But I'm, I'm out of my mind

To an extent, it is because of Daisuke’s forwardness that Ken keeps running away, as Hikari says on multiple occasions. He keeps trying to run away from Daisuke, from the other Chosen Children, but for some reason (*cough* Daisuke *cough*), it doesn’t seem to stick.

“Arch Drive Goodbye” by Eve 6

Wanna keep you from breakin' Wanna keep you from shakin' Wanna keep you from keepin' You down Wanna keep you from sinkin' Wanna keep you from drinkin' Sometimes Wanna keep you from keepin' You down

Ringing in my head All the things you've said All the things you've done I wish I could compromise But there's only one way to go And I'm going alone I'm going alone

I see this song as a sort of duet. There are sections/lines that would be from Daisuke’s perspective (the first quote, though obviously ignore the line about drinking--they’re eleven) and sections that would be from Ken’s (the second quote). Daisuke wants to help him so badly, but Ken is still so determined not to need help and to go it alone.

“Someone to Save You” by OneRepublic

All right Sit down and spill your heart

Let’s start from the very start 'Cause I can see by your eyes You're wasted Your energy comes and goes You taking your time, you know Nothing can change what happened

Not that Daisuke will listen to that, right? No matter how much Ken insists he can go it alone, Daisuke is always there to be supportive. He’s just as determined to help Ken as Ken is to refuse help. Actually, no, Daisuke is way more determined. He will always, above all else, persevere.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

#daiken #daisuke motomiya #ken ichijouji #digimon #digimon 02 #playlist #trigger warning #suicide #depression #ptsd #emotional abuse #mental health #anatui

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sijjak · 5 years

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Theatre+ - Leo Cut

Leo’s Prologue Musical actor Leo’s first act is complete. His main stage starts now.

When I sat down with Leo after two years, it was with an unfamiliar feeling. This is because when musical actor Leo was preparing for his role as Armand in the 2017 rendition of Mata Hari, he was quite different. The Leo at that time, even while speaking carefully about his own characters or productions, would hastily finish. But now, 2019’s Leo speaks clearly through the very end of his words. It must be due to the fact that in just the past two years, he has freely absorbed the lessons given to him through the productions of The Last Kiss and Elizabeth, as well as the cooperation with many different senior actors. Now, he speaks with confidence, as someone who seems to know a little more about how to breathe as a musical actor. Leo is performing in the musical Marie Antoinette as a young aristocrat, Axel von Fersen, who is in love with the queen, Marie Antoinette. Living in the time of the sudden French Revolution, he serves as a witness to his love swept up in this historical whirlwind, and takes the audience through the tragedy. Like Fersen who takes the audience into the 18th century with his very first appearance, the curtain is rising on the main stage for the prologue of musical actor Leo.

You returned to the musical stage for six months as Elizabeth’s Tod. You also released your self-produced solo album MUSE. Is the transformation between singer Leo and musical actor Leo going smoothly?

Haha. I'm right in the middle of practicing for Marie Antoinette, so I'm trying to take off my singer clothes. As soon as I am done with album promotions or concerts, I start a new production, so it can be like that. I record my practice everyday and monitor it, and in my steps, poses, or in my body’s posture, I can feel the color of a singer. Because when I am VIXX’s Leo and I face the camera and perform on stage, it feels a little more free, but for musicals I have to give the exact right restrained impression. Words, behavior, everything. Actually, every time I meet a new production, taking off my singer clothes is just one of the difficult things.

You must need to put a lot of effort in to change your habits.

My homework is always changing my clothes easily. So even when I’m outside the practice room, I am trying to control my mind. It’s fun, a little while ago I sang Elizabeth's Last Dance at my concert, and my body already had become like a singer, but the musical stage is a completely different feeling. The vibe itself is different. As a singer, I am magnified, but in musicals rather than Leo, I have to show a character made by Leo.

Is there no point where the two Leos meet? Like using the character’s emotions when you are writing songs?

When I sing, there has been a time I have connected to the character’s emotions, but I still don’t think I have ever written lyrics or songs as a person who isn’t Jung Taekwoon. For example, writing a song through the emotions of Fersen. But suddenly, I’m thinking that it would be fun? For me, when I write songs, I imagine what would happen next for the two main characters in books or movies. But for the first time, I’m thinking that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to use Fersen’s emotions to write.

Already Marie Antoinette is your seventh musical. Now, the practice room, the stage, and the name ‘“musical actor” has become familiar, right?

I think “musical actor” has become familiar to everyone I have worked together with except for exactly one person, and that’s me! Haha. Because I have worked with director Robert Johanson since Mata Hari, he has said that I have developed a lot as an actor. Other supervisors have praised me like “I guess we don’t have to care about Taekwoon anymore. Because if we teach one thing, that one thing is it,” but every time they’re like that, I say “I still need interest, love, and affection!” I still want to be far off. As much as you keep questioning me, giving me advice, and directing me, I can get closer to the character. I guess I don’t believe in myself (laughter).

In Marie Antoinette, what kind of character is Count Fersen?

Hmm. He worries a lot. He’s not an easy character. Because I’ve played intense characters until now, I concentrated on how I could more strongly express them. But Fersen is really the opposite. As you can expect, they are in a dramatic situation, but because all the characters around him are so intense, he’s not a character that stands out. So I think it’s difficult to show Fersen’s charms. It’s not a very eye-catching thing, but I think there has to be an exact route that’s only mine if I want to make Marie and Margrid shine more. These days I’m still worrying about it and trying to find it.

A while ago you uploaded a picture of the Marie Antoinette script along with the words “It’s difficult to the point where I can’t sleep.” So it must have been because of this reason.

Yeah, that was a day where I went back to practice alone after practice with everyone else had finished. Even when I went home, there were still a lot of parts that I was hung up on. I looked at the script again, and it was difficult, and that day I monitored the practice and there were a lot of things I didn’t like...ha...My fans are fans that enjoy things they are curious about, so when things are hard or difficult, they expect things even more. So I uploaded that to SNS on purpose. Because it makes the fans anticipate things even more, it makes me work harder, and it sets my own resolve.

Fersen is the very first character to appear and is the last to leave, and so has the responsibility to start and end the production. It seems like this couldn’t be anything but a heavy burden on your shoulders.

It’s a very big responsibility. In The Last Kiss too, as soon as the prelude is over, Rudolf is the first to enter, so I had the same thoughts then. It’s similar to the music’s atmosphere or the burdensome aspect. Or something more particular to this production, when Fersen enters, he already has heard the news about Marie’s execution. It’s already in the middle of tragedy. I worried a lot about this show starting in the moment with the most violent emotions. It was really difficult to move to meeting Marie for the first time from that emotion, and then to again have to think about Marie meeting death again.

Fersen is a both a young man who loves Marie, an idealist, and is also a character who enters the American Revolution as a service man. Which of these parts did you want to try and emphasis the most?

While I was preparing for this production, I did a lot of investigating on what Axel von Fersen was like in history. In his younger years, he really understood the hearts of the citizens better than anyone, and stood by their side and helped with the revolution. Also, because he experienced the revolutionary war in America, he really knew how scary a revolution could be and I think he really tried to enlighten Marie to the situation. But even those characters, later after they get older and after their political careers, they hate the citizens. I think they probably had a lot of thoughts about what standing on the side of the citizens was, and is that really justice. I think Marie Antoinette asks what justice is to each individual. This production shows that we think differently about which direction we should face, if we start a revolution for true, pure justice and run to face that situation, the ideology changes. So I thought, “Fersen was this type of person,” in reality, and I wanted to make him a character that goes towards acceptance. So this is a reason I made the character based on history.

It feels like you prepared a lot for things that were past the script and didn’t come out in the show. It seems like you even studied world history?

Haha, I did a lot. Like The Last Kiss and Mata Hari, they’re productions that are based on real life situations, and even when I was doing Elizabeth’s Tod, who is fictional, I still had to know the circumstances and the background to properly express it, so I think it was necessary to study. While I was preparing for this production, I found out a lot about different historical incidents that happened in the mid and late 18th century. For example, the women at the time of the French Revolution marched on the center of Versailles, Louis the 16th returned to Paris because of this, and I heard a lot about the imprisonment and attack in Bastille. So I was able to connect all of these facts. I think that because Fersen was such a smart and well-learned person, at that time too, he was able to know about all those situations.

It seems like you have a special way to prepare for productions and a way to approach characters that is a style all of your own. It feels like you have made a step towards development since Mata Hari.

I received a lot of teachings from my older actor colleagues. Starting from how to make characters, how to stand on stage, from attitude to etiquette, there’s still a lot of basic things to learn. I am still receiving personal singing and acting lessons, but I think learning ‘how to live as a musical actor’ is an even bigger thing. Including both Kim Sohyeon and Kim Sohyang who are in the role of Marie, they spend a long time on stage doing their own play, they’re two people that ‘play with the stage.’ I’ve learned a lot from them, and the process of learning has been really fun. Eventually, I think musical actor Leo will be a person those teachings made.

Not only because of your older colleagues, but the productions and the characters you’ve gone through have also made you grow, right?

It really can be the productions, yes. If I look at the rehearsal videos from my 2015 musical debut Mata Hari, I get really embarrassed. I still think I’m really far, but I can’t watch those videos. Even just looking at how I walked, I want to be like ‘why did I walk like that?’ When I was doing The Last Kiss I learned a lot about acting and when I was doing Elizabeth, I learned a lot about singing. I think no matter the production, I will always have big realizations.

The staff have praised you a lot in the practice room. Now you have become an actor they can trust in.

Seems like director Johanson said that. Haha. It’s not that they don’t trust me, but when we practice, they always question me in detail. ‘Leo, why are you moving like that? If I were you, I would move differently.’ While doing it like this, they are directly showing me, and they act really well. As much as even the smallest details I want to follow. When I express the feelings of Fersen who loves Marie, it really makes me want to cry.

I have heard that you are taking really good care of actor Hwang Minhyun, who has the same role as you. Was there a moment perhaps when he overlapped with how you were when you first started musicals?

Yes, that part is very big. Minhyunie is 25 years old, and when I debuted in musicals I was exactly 25. When singers first start in musicals, there are habits that they don’t even know are coming out. In my case, it was my posture and how I walked. Because it was my first time, I couldn’t help but not to know, and the hyungs and noonas I did the productions with really taught me a lot. With Minhyunie too, there are a lot of points where I have let him know. More than teaching. Because I am still learning too. I even invited him to the actors Kakao group chat. Minhyunie is doing really well. I admire him like, ‘So he really can improve that fast.’ He’s a really kind and cute friend.

Right now your face is covered in a ‘father’s smile.’ With actors Park Ganghyun and Son Junho, you seem to be proud of the teamwork you have with four different men for the same role. Is there a certain method you have for the synergy between the four different actors?

Including the directors, to the degree of what all the staff has said is ‘the greatest thing’ is when all of us get together, we are really loud. Even without anyone doing anything, we make each other laugh so much we’re out of our minds. Junho hyung is a really funny person, but when Ganghyun hyung is with us, he’ll look at him and say to the staff, ‘Ganghyun-shi, weren’t you originally a quiet person?” When people who are playing the same role are close to each other, while learning each other’s strong points, I think they can develop. Because we talk a lot. Especially Ganghyun hyung, I started to become close to him when we were doing Elizabeth in other cities. We would drink together and talk about our characters, give each other feedback during run throughs. Even outside of Fersen, there are a lot of characters whose parts I have lifted from other actors. When I’m stuck on lines, I think ‘If this was Kijun hyung, how would he do it?’ and make it from there. Ryu Junghan, Shin Sungrok, Kim Junhyun, Jeon Dongseok, I have a lot of good seniors. So I follow their strong points in detail, and while this makes me develop, I think I can make a color all of my own.

What is musical actor Leo’s dream?

The answer is the same as when I first started doing musicals. When the audience leaves the theatre, I don’t want them to think ‘Leo is cool, he does well,’ but rather I want to become an actor that makes them say ‘This show is really good.’ More than the greed of someone who wants to be remembered as a certain type of actor, I want to be able to permeate the show and make the entirely of it shine. I hope I become an actor that can make any production I appear in something that the audience can choose as the production of their life.

So then, for you to become your ideal actor, can you choose one skill to prepare?

Attitude. An attitude to learn from anyone with exactness and without stubbornness. I think that it is most important to always be flexible to learn. When someone points out something about my acting or singing, if I think about the reason, try to absorb it well, and make it my own thing, then as much as that Leo’s breadth as an actor can expand even more.

Last Scene

‘Because I have perfectionist tendencies, I am the type to torment myself. With little regard to myself, I harass and make myself stressed, but eventually that has become my medicine.'

#vixx #interview #leo #jung taekwoon #theatre

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olivianeesan · 5 years

Text

Good Choices [Good Omens]

TITLE: Good Choices LENGTH: 2,998 words RATING: G SUMMARY: To answer a long-standing and important question: yes, God is omniscient-- most religions have got that bit right, more or less. There is, of course, a catch: She hasn't always been omniscient.

Crowley and Aziraphale and a lesson for us all. Written as I was speculating about the various themes of the book. Can be ship or not as reader prefers; canon compliant but primarily TV series-inspired (specifically ep3). Not subtle at all. Haven't written a fic in years but Good Omens is deliriously inspiring.

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To answer a long-standing and important question: yes, God is omniscient— most religions have got that bit right, more or less. There is, of course, a catch: She hasn't always been omniscient.

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Eastern Gate, Garden of Eden, 4004 BC

The first thunder booms; a demon instinctively leans into an angel, who extends a protective wing. They stand together, side by side for the first time, and watch humans begin their great journey, unaware that they stand on the precipice of their own.

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In the Time Before There Was Time, She lacked just one key learning, one vital piece of information, which in fairness left Her still pretty brilliant as all-encompassing deities go.

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Noah's Ark, Mesopotamia, 3004 BC

Left to his own devices, as he usually is, Crawley rationalizes. His interest in his angelic counterpart on Earth can easily be explained by two facts:

One, the existence of a fallen angel consists of nothing so much as being outside of God's love. But there's a warmth in Aziraphale's presence that Crawley feels is vaguely reminiscent of that divine passion; it's only natural he should be drawn to it. On some level he can even find his way to thinking that he's found a clever loophole, exploited a bug in the system.

Two, no one else lives very long anyway.*

[* And this was during the era of Methuselah, who was in fact 313 years old around this time.]

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Oh, God knew the Fundamental Truth of Life well enough, and She knew if there was to be a universe— and She knew there was —She knew she had to build it around this truth.

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Crucifixion of Jesus, Golgotha, 33 AD

Left to his own devices, as he usually is, Aziraphale rationalizes. He hoped he'd never have to admit it to anyone else, but this Crawley— now Crowley —speaks plainly the same doubts that Aziraphale hides deep in the most secret pockets of his metaphorical heart. Every act of hatred the angel witnesses chips away, just a bit, at Aziraphale's confidence in the Great Plan, and it is some small comfort, hearing another immortal express his own secret feelings.

Besides which, Aziraphale thought it was short-sighted and perhaps even rude to disregard the death of God's only son on Earth, and Crowley was the only other non-human with the decency to show up, demon or not.*

[* They were also both present at the birth, though each was too caught up by the pleasure-or-pain of the event's massive holiness to notice the other at the time, rendering this fact completely immaterial to you, the reader. But it is nonetheless true.]

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The Fundamental Truth of Life, She knew, is love.

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Titus' Tavern, Rome, 41 AD

The ease with which they begin to slip into camaraderie makes them both uneasy, ironically, though only Crowley tries to hide it with his usual insouciance. Having finished their drink at the tavern and allowed the alcohol to carry out its pleasantly relaxing effects, the pair make their way to Petronius' restaurant and do, in fact, try out the oysters, along with several more rounds of drinks.

It is the first time in four thousand years on Earth that the pair loosen up enough to really talk, and not just about work— which of course they do discuss, as members of the same industry as it were —but mostly sharing stories of their interactions with humans and bonding over the other species' propensity for trouble.*

When Crowley proposes a toast "to the first supper," Aziraphale quips a hope that it "won't be the last supper," and Crowley bursts into a fit of intoxicating laughter, throwing his head back and with such open delight that it quashes any shame Aziraphale might have felt about the not-all-THAT-blasphemous joke.**

It is not their last supper.

[* These are the sorts of stories that don't make their way into histories or epics; like the time Aziraphale got caught in a compromising position with a drunk monk who wanted to wrestle, or when Crowley inadvertently inspired the placement of series of enormous stones in a field of what would one day be England which caused much trouble then and ever since, or the time they both scurried around Hammurabi's palace influencing his new system of Law, each completely unaware of the other until the laws had already been formally codified.

And that's how you get such a brilliant idea as telling people what is expected of them but also ongoing stupidity about treating people differently based on their gender or wealth, which to be fair has never not been a problem for these ridiculous humans, Aziraphale and Crowley agree.]

[** Aziraphale almost invents a joke 1,950 years too early by following up with "Too soon?" but wisely refrains.]

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So She created beings whose fundamental core is love: angels, in several different varieties because just one would be dull and She's going to have them for all eternity.

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A Battlefield, Kingdom of Wessex, 537 AD

For six hundred years they've enjoyed meeting socially often but haphazardly, but it is on a battlefield that Crowley first has an Idea that eventually becomes an Arrangement.

He thinks the inspiration comes to him of necessity, because the armor is pinching him in the armpit, the chain mail is heavy, he's utterly stifled wearing all that in the damp air of Wessex, and to top it all off all his efforts are just being countered by his heavenly adversary.

But in fact, some part of him that he doesn't acknowledge just wants to meet Aziraphale more regularly, and if they start to share duties, well, they'd have to meet more regularly, wouldn't they?

He is disappointed but not surprised when Aziraphale rejects his offer out of hand, he knows the angel will take some convincing, and besides, silver armor must not get as hot as black armor.

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But it became clear rather quickly— after the equivalent of a hundred million Earth years, roughly —that these creatures, lovely as they were, rather missed the point.

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The Globe Theatre, London, 1601 AD

"Yeah, all right. I'll do that one. My treat."

It's not the first time Crowley has done something nice for Aziraphale*, but it might be the first time Aziraphale had thought to hope, or even expect, for him to do so. Who would have guessed that "puppy eyes" could be effective on a demon?

For Crowley, though, it was definitely a bartered exchange; not for the puppy eyes, but for the frisson of pleasure he had felt when Aziraphale expressed concern for Crowley should their arrangement be discovered. No one else ever bothered being concerned for him.

Though he couldn't help but wonder...

[* The very first time that Crowley did something nice for Aziraphale— intentionally —was in fact shortly after the humans were expelled from the Garden, but what it was, he has never told anyone, even Aziraphale himself, leaving us unable to share it with you, dear reader. But we are given to understand that this secret act of kindness was both "epic" and "badass".]

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It was at this point that God had Her own Epiphany, becoming well and truly omniscient. Then Her work really began.

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The Bastille, Paris, 1793 AD

Aziraphale was not, by nature, a suspicious person, but when Crowley came to his rescue at the Bastille he wondered whether there was more going on than he knew.

There absolutely was, but not in the way Aziraphale imagines.**

It had taken Aziraphale over 5,000 years to consider the idea that Crowley might be a bad influence on him on purpose rather than on accident— that perhaps he was running a "long con" in an effort to drag another angel to Hell, though there had been no more Falling since God made the Earth.

On the other hand, maybe the demon just didn't want to lose someone who covered for him at work.

It was neither of these things, of course; it simply never occurred to Crowley not to help his one and only friend out of a jam when he could.

Just as well; if it had occurred to him Crowley would have had to admit that he was rubbish as a demon, really.

[* To be fair, there being more going on than he knew about is a normal state of affairs for Aziraphale. Not that the angel is stupid; in fact, he's quite smart when he puts his mind to it. He just gets so distracted.]

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She created the universe, putting Her loving angels to work crafting galaxies and animals and magic (an iffy idea) and physics (a worse one) while She Herself put the finishing touches on humanity.

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St. James' Park, London, 1862 AD

"Out of the question." Aziraphale's clipped tones cuts Crowley to the quick. Wasn't Aziraphale himself the one who had brought up the possibility of getting caught a couple of centuries ago? And aren't they friends? What's a little holy water between friends?

If giving pain were a sport, Aziraphale might have won some kind of award for this particular act, because in addition to Crowley's hurt there is the angel's own. Here it is, he thinks, exactly as he dreaded: Crowley has been buttering him up for this, none of his previous kindness towards Aziraphale was real, the demon probably didn't even really like him, probably thinks he's a big fat joke and laughs about him in secret.*

The pair parts on the worst terms they'd been on for ages, or perhaps ever. Crowley elects to spend the rest of the century sleeping, which doesn't help his relationship with the home office one bit.

[* Aziraphale agonizes over this failed interaction for decades**, eventually realizing that it's not like Crowley could have some truly nefarious purpose for the holy water— it can't be used against angels or humans. And furthermore, that nearly 6,000 years is a long time to set up a scheme and Crowley doesn't really do that kind of slow roll, moves too fast if anything. It's quite wrong of him to assume the worst of Crowley just because he's a demon, especially when said demon has honestly given him no cause for that kind of doubt. And in any case...and so on and so on. In short, the angel talks himself out of his fit of self-doubt.]

[** Crowley just sleeps through all the agonizing.]

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Then she gave it all a gentle push.

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St. Luke's Church, London, 1941 AD

Oh.

Aziraphale holds the hefty satchel full of books aloft and stares after Crowley. It feels like a lightbulb has turned on inside his head, and it won't be turned back off no matter how many times he pulls at the metaphorical string.

He'd missed Crowley.

He'd missed the demon's humor and style and random acts of kindness. Or not so random, since they are often directed at Aziraphale himself. The angel knows an apology when he sees one, recognizes it implicit in Crowley's appearance at the church, is deeply touched that Crowley went through all that physical and spiritual discomfort to save Aziraphale's stupid face.

But the books...the books aren't apology. They are gift. They are thoughtful, in the very literal sense that Crowley had spent what could have been his last moment before a painful discorporation thinking about what Aziraphale cared about and going to extra trouble making it happen.

Oh, thinks Aziraphale.

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Most humans understand that their species is taking a crash course to learn to choose Good of their own free will, whether they believe it to be divine ordinance or simple moral imperative.

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A Bentley outside the Drinking Donkey Pub, 1967 AD

Crowley knows an apology when he sees one, and the thermos he gingerly takes from Aziraphale is certainly that. It's the trust that really gets him, though. Aziraphale isn't just giving him a deadly weapon, he's saying as blatantly as if he'd written the words on a poster board and hung it in the window of his stupid bookshop: I TRUST YOU, CROWLEY.

An angel, trusting a demon?

Must be a sign of the apocalypse.

He's not surprised when the angel rejects his offer of a ride, but he is surprised that it still stings, even breaking through the rush of warmth Crowley feels at Aziraphale's gesture with the holy water. The pain ebbs slightly as Aziraphale offers consolation in the form of a picnic, or perhaps in dining at the Ritz. (The Ritz? he wonders. Why The Ritz?)

It isn't until many years later that he hears a cover of a cover of a cover of a romantic old jazz standard and thinks: Oh.*

[* "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square" was written and performed in 1939, then performed again and again for almost the entire rest of forever. The version Crowley first hears used on a science fiction TV programme in 2007— one year before the birth of the Anti-Christ —is heavily inspired by the Frank Sinatra, Glenn Miller, and of course Vera Lynn versions of the song, all of which the demon consumes non-stop for nearly a week.]

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No humans, and very few non-humans, know that the angel species is auditing the same course.

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A.Z. Fell Booksellers, London, 2019 AD

"Don't dawdle," booms Metatron, the Voice of God, and Aziraphale doesn't.

He's made a decision, and has made it so swiftly and instinctively that he hardly realizes it yet, let alone understands the importance of it.

If God and/or the angelic host won't hear him out, there's only one being in the entire universe that he knows will, and he wishes he'd trusted Crowley with this from the start and saved them all a lot of time, but he didn't, and now he has to hurry.

Aziraphale dials a number he knows by heart.

"Hey."

"Hello. I know where the Anti—"

"This is Anthony Crowley."

"I know who you are, you idiot, I telephoned you! Listen—"

"You know what to do. Do it with style."

Voicemail. Lord, he hoped Crowley wasn't already on his way to Alpha Centauri.

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Most angels— or former angels —would never even consider this possibility. In fact, exactly two angels have ever suspected that God slipped them a dose of free will, perhaps eons ago.

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The Enterprise Pub, London, 2019 AD

"TADFIELD. Air base!"

"I heard that, it was the 'wiggle on'..." but Aziraphale's ghostly presence was gone.

Crowley had said he wasn't going to go there, had even considered whether the vision was some hellish trick, until the "wiggle on".

But really, he knew he'd been lying, knew he'd go wherever Aziraphale said to, as long as the angel promised to be there too, which he had.

You see, Crowley had made a decision too, though longer ago, perhaps at the bandstand the day before, or when he'd stopped at a phone booth to make a call in 2008, or when he'd heard a sappy love song a year before that, or maybe it was at the Globe Theatre in 1601 or the fields of Wessex in 537 or at the Eastern Gate of the Garden of Eden in four-thousand-fucking-four BC.

Like Aziraphale, he doesn't fully realize he'd made a decision, which is why he rather doesn't know when he'd made it.

Crowley gets in the Bentley and drives to Aziraphale, as fast as he can.

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Because the epiphany that God had all those eons ago, in the World Before There Was a World, was that love is a choice.

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A Bench at Berkeley Square, London, 2019 AD

"For my money, the really big one will be all of us against all of them."

"What? You mean heaven and hell against...humanity?"

Neither of them says it out loud; there are no gestures, no glances up or down or askew, but as they lock eyes they both feel the weight of the decision they've made, deep inside, to change their definition of "us".

And despite all the doubts and questions of their long lives, they both know that they've made the right choice.

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To answer a long-standing and important question: yes, God is omniscient— most religions have got that bit right, more or less. There is, of course, a catch: She hasn't always been omniscient.

In the Time Before There Was Time, She lacked just one key piece of information, which in fairness left Her still pretty brilliant as all-encompassing deities go.

Oh, God knew the Fundamental Truth of Life well enough, and She knew if there was to be a universe— and She knew there was —She knew she had to build it around this truth.

The Fundamental Truth of Life as she knew it, is love.

So She created beings whose fundamental core was love: angels, in several different flavors because one would be dull.

But it became clear rather quickly— after the equivalent of a hundred million Earth years, roughly —that these creatures, lovely as they were, rather missed the point.

It was at this point that God had Her own Epiphany, becoming truly omniscient. Then Her work really began.

She created the universe, putting Her loving angels to work crafting galaxies and animals and magic (likely a bad idea) and physics (definitely a bad idea) while She Herself put the finishing touches on humanity.

Then she gave it all a gentle push.

Most humans understand that humans as a species are taking a crash course to learn to choose Good of their own free will, whether they believe it to be the command of a deity or pantheon, or a simple moral imperative.

No humans, and very few non-humans, know that the angel species is auditing the same course.

Most angels would never even consider this possibility; exactly two— or rather, one angel and one fallen angel —have begun to even suspect that God secretly slipped them free will absolute eons ago.

Because the epiphany that God had all those eons ago, in the World Before There Was a World, was that love is a choice.

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As noted in the summary, I've been mulling over Good Omens-- the book and the show, both of which have been re-read/re-watched --the differences between the two, the themes, the lessons, all that good stuff, and somehow this fic was born. I wrote the "God"/in-between bits first, in their entirety, with the vague idea that if I were the one to write a Good Omens sequel they would exist between its chapters.

I'm NOT the one to write a sequel though. But when I realized I had 13 paragraphs it felt like I needed to do something with it, so I decided to run through Crowley and Aziraphale's history. I think I've got the timeline and locations all correct (thank god for the script book!), except the tavern in Rome which I made up a name for, but bear with me if I missed anything. ;)

I wasn't sure I was going to post it, even though I set up an account to, but having heard about the devastating and deadly arson committed against anime studio Kyoto Animation in Tokyo, I thought it was important to get a little more love out into the world. I hope you enjoyed the fic, but even if you didn't, let's all try to love each other more.

#good omens #goodomens #aziraphale #crawley #crowley #aziraphale/crowley #crowley/aziraphale #crowley and aziraphale #ineffable husbands #ineffable plan #fanfiction #fanfic #good omens fanfic #good omens fanfiction #aziraphale and crowley #to the world #featured

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emjenenla · 6 years

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Help me piece it all together, darling, before it falls apart: Jace[A Mortal Instruments Fanfic]

Clary | Jace

It was done, but that was different than saying it was finished. Or Clary and Jace post-CoHF.

Warnings: Discussion of the death of a child

Also posted on AO3 (username: Emjen_Enla) and ff.net (username: Emjen Enla)

I don’t own TSC, all these books belong to Cassandra Clare. Title from “Quarter Past Midnight” by Bastille.

Theoretically, you could either read Clary’s part first or Jace’s. Since I had to post them in an order, I did it in the order I wrote them (Clary first and then Jace). This is Jace’s part.

Jace

The New York Institute is an entirely different place now. Robert came home for only a couple days and in that time packed up all his things and moved them to the Inquisitor's mansion in Idris. Alec hasn’t moved his things out, but he and Magnus are pretty obviously living together and everytime he stops by the Institute he brings a few more of his things back to Magnus’s with him. Isabelle spends most of her time cloistered in her room grieving, Maryse does the same in her office. Elijah Highsong is quite possibly the most difficult person to tolerate ever.

All in all, things are not going well for the Lightwoods.

Maryse doesn’t cook anymore. Jace doesn’t begrudge her for it, in fact he completely understands. However, Izzy is perfectly capable of giving herself food poisoning with her own cooking if left alone, so Jace goes to the store and stocks up on frozen and easy-to-make meals so his mother and sister don’t starve. As for him, he appetite is not coming back. He knows its stress, but that doesn’t make it easier to eat when he feels like he’ll be sick if he tries.

He does a lot of training just to distract himself. He trains to make himself tired enough to sleep, he trains when he can’t sleep, he trains with Clary, he trains with Isabelle, he trains with Alec. His every spare moment--and he has a lot of spare moments now--is spent either training or chasing sleep.

He practically lives for his sessions with Clary. She’s more focused on her training than ever, probably because she’s trying not to think about Simon. Dimly, Jace is aware that he should probably try to make sure Clary develops better coping mechanisms than he has, but that would require him to actually know some better coping mechanisms, which he doesn’t.

On January 18, 2008 Jace turns seventeen and celebrates his real birthday for the first time. After early morning training and boredom-inducing lessons with Elijah Highsong, Jace and Clary go to the Strand. Clary looks at the manga and the art books, while Jace stakes out in the poetry section and paces up and down, plucking delicate chapbooks from the shelves. He hasn’t been in a bookstore since August and the feeling is surreal, like it belongs in another world. In the end, Clary ends up paying for all their books simply because she snatches Jace’s from him and won’t give them back no matter how much he begs.

“Have you ever thought about writing poetry?” she asks while on the subway heading to Magnus’s for the birthday party he and Alec have been not-so-secretly planning for weeks.

“No,” Jace admits. “I’m a Shadowhunter, we-”

“Don’t give me that,” Clary said. “You’re the one who said I would draw again even though I’m a Shadowhunter now. I’ll bet you could write poetry if you practiced. You should give it a shot.”

“Perhaps,” he says and eventually he does take her advice, though he doesn’t mention it to anyone for years. (The first of his poems that he shares is the one he writes for his and Clary’s wedding. He reads it aloud during the reception and they’re both crying by the time he finishes.)

But that is, unfortunately, years later. Right now there are other things to deal with.

When the Lightwoods had returned to New York after the Mortal War, they had found the door to Max’s bedroom open, how he had most likely left it in his excitement to leave for Alicante. Jace, Isabelle and Alec had discovered this because their bedrooms were all in the same hallway as Max’s. Isabelle had turned and fled to her room, but Jace and Alec had stood in the hallway for what felt like an endless period of time. Eventually, Alec had closed the door firmly and walked away.

It doesn’t seem like Max’s room will ever be opened again by the time Clary is finally judged ready for her first real demon hunt. Given that Clary has already killed her fair share of demons, Jace wouldn’t be worried about it if Elijah Highsong wasn’t required by Clave law to come with them.

“You know, it’s almost hilarious that he’s giving us tips on how not to be eaten by demons,” Jace hisses to Clary as they’re arming themselves to go out, “when he’s the one most likely to be eaten by demons tonight.” Clary laughs and that sends Highsong into a twenty minute lecture about how demon hunting is a serious business and should not laughed about.

Somehow, the demon hunt goes fine. Surprisingly, and perhaps somewhat disappointingly, Highsong manages to survive. The tutor doesn’t seem to realize that he’d been entirely useless and had to be protected by a bunch of teenagers. Jace is honestly beginning to be thankful that this man isn’t on patrol, because he’d likely get another Shadowhunter killed.

They drop Clary off at Jocelyn and Luke’s and head back to the Institute. They had the early shift tonight, so there’s still plenty of time to get a decent amount of sleep before morning. They are climbing the Institute steps and Elijah Highsong has been rattling on since they got relieved. Jace has mostly stopped listening when the tutor says, “And then there’s those idiots too stupid to keep their children away from danger!”

Isabelle and Jace go so still and quiet that Highsong actually stops talking and looks at them in confusion.

“What did you say?” Isabelle asks, very tensely. There’s a warning in her voice that Jace recognizes immediately, but Highsong doesn’t.

“People should keep better track of their children,” Highsong says, chest puffing out in pride at the thought of telling them something they don’t know. “We lead dangerous lives and Shadowhunter parents should be aware of that and keep better watch over their children. If something horrible happens to a Shadowhunter child the family has no one to blame but themselves.”

For a moment that stretches on into infinity, neither Jace nor Isabelle responds. Then Isabelle takes an unsteady breath. “Damn you,” she snarls to Highsong, lips and hands trembling, “Damn you.” Then she turns and flees into the Institute.

Highsong’s mouth opens and closes a couple times. “What--She--I demand respect!”

“You do realize,” Jace says before the tutor can say anything more. “That Sebastian Morgenstern killed our baby brother during the Mortal War, don’t you?”

He doesn’t wait for Highsong to figure out what to say, and just heads inside. Izzy has barricaded herself in her bedroom and screams at him to go away when he knocks. Eventually he gives up and wanders along the mostly dark hallway. He plans to go back to his room to try to sleep when he finds himself standing outside Max’s door, still shut tightly. Almost without thinking, he finds himself opening the door and letting himself inside.

The room is just how it was before they left for Alicante during the Mortal War. Toys and manga volumes and clothes and training weapons are strewn across the floor in a way that sets Jace’s teeth on edge. Part of him wants to clean up, to set everything in order, but the rest of him wants to preserve the room like this forever, as a tiny piece of Max to hang onto. This is not right. Max was just a kid, he should not have been hurt, but then Jace knows better than to expect anything even approaching that level of humanity from Sebastian.

When morning finally comes Jace has somehow ended up lying on his stomach on Max’s bed. He watches the sunlight creep across the floor through eyes which are scratchy with tears and lack of sleep. He should get up and get ready for training, but he can’t find it in him to move. He still hasn’t moved when, some interminable amount of time later, the door opens and someone steals quietly into the room.

“Jace?” It’s Clary. Of course it is. None of the Lightwoods would have come into this room, even to confirm he wasn’t there. “Are you alright?”

Jace shrugs, he’s too exhausted for words let alone his usual cockiness.

Clary crosses the room and sits down on the edge of the bed, looking into his face with a serious expression. “Did you get any sleep?” she asks, running a hand through his hair.

Jace shakes his head.

“Izzy says we’re all boycotting training today,” Clary says conversationally. “What happened?”

Jace clears his throat and manages to speak, “What did Izzy tell you?”

“Just that none of us are training and then a list of anatomically unlikely and increasingly vulgar things Elijah Highsong can do to himself,” Clary says. She pauses for a moment and when Jace doesn’t respond says, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.”

“He just said something thoughtless about Shadowhunters who lose young children,” Jace forces the words out. His whole body feels like it’s made out of lead. He’s so tired. “I don’t think he even remembered about...about Max.”

Clary’s whole body tenses in anger, but she doesn’t prod any further. Instead she coxes Jace to his feet, leads him back to his room and tucks him into bed. When he’s comfortable, she settles against his headboard with her sketchbook balanced against her raised knees. “What should I draw?” she asks.

“Something happy,” Jace mumbles, snuggling in closer to her.

She chews on her lip for a moment, then begins to sketch the outline of a person. He watches in fascination as the random lines begin to coalesce into an image. He loves watching her draw.

It only takes a few minutes for him to realize that she’s drawing him. “You should draw yourself too,” he slurs sleepily. “I’ve never seen you draw yourself.”

“That’s because I’m bad at it,” Clary says. “My self-portraits never look good.”

“I’ll bet that’s not true,” He says, losing the battle to keep his eyes open. “Everything you draw looks amazing.”

When he next opens his eyes, Clary is talking quietly with Isabelle and Alec who apparently came over and kept Izzy company up on the roof all day. They’re discussing going to Taki’s for supper and whether or not Elijah Highsong deserves more punishment than just being snubbed. Clary’s sketchbook is lying on the bed, open to an almost-completed sketch of her and Jace smiling, their arms wrapped around each other.

The likeness is almost perfect.

#the shadowhunter chronicles #the mortal instruments #post-city of heavenly fire #fanfic #fanfiction #jace herondale #clary fairchild #clary x jace #clace #Emjen writes #cross-posted on ao3 #cross-posted on ff.net

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patheticphallacy · 5 years

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This is part of my Music Monday series on my blog, where I talk all things music, from recommending songs to discussing my favourite music videos to compiling playlists based on prompts.

Summer is over!

I don’t want to say finally, because being off University has been pretty great, but I’m also so relieved the weather is going to get cooler. The weather fluctuated between INCREDIBLY HOT and ACTUALLY IT’S QUITE CHILLY in July and August and I just want it to be over please oh please.

So for Music Monday I figured I should do a little wrap up of the music I’ve enjoyed! I’ve made about 5 new music playlists for absolutely no reason at all other than I have no self control, and I keep having to edit down my 2019 playlist due to impulsively adding songs and then realising two weeks later that I honestly didn’t really love the song that much.

FAVOURITE SOLO ARTIST

My favourite solo artist this Summer was probably Sigrid. Generally with solo artists I get into one or two of their songs, and while those songs list in my favourite songs, the artist generally isn’t a new top favourite.

I’ve been a fan of Sigrid since 2017, and I finally felt like I was in the right space to listen to her new album Sucker Punch, which ended up solidifying her as one of my new favourite solo artists. She has a really intriguing voice and I love that you could dance to over half of this album because of how upbeat it is. There’s something to be said for lyrics that aren’t complicated, are easy to understand, because sometimes that makes them all the more relatable for a listener.

I also love how so much of her music is inspired by more than just romantic issues. There are crushes and friendship songs, songs about breaking free from toxic friendships– something that helped me as I reconcile with some of the more toxic elements of relationships I’ve had in the past– and there’s also a song inspired by not only Studio Ghibli, but also her attempt to control her image in the media, which is something I always love in music. Artists can be publicised so much we forget they are real human beings, and hearing their music about their public image is always humbling.

FAVOURITE BAND

(Take This To Your Grave isn’t here because it wouldn’t fit, don’t fight me)

2008 Connie and 2019 Connie have one thing in common, and that’s their intense adoration of rock bands that formed in the 2000s. I’ve always been a fan of Fall Out Boy since I was little, but it’s only the past year I’ve actually started listening to all of their discography properly and begun appreciating what they’ve come out with.

This might be divisive, but I honestly think Fall Out Boy, of the ol’ rock/punk rock scene, have had the most consistently good albums since their debut. I think other bands have had decent albums and, in some cases, bad ones that only have one or two good songs in my opinion (Paramore’s self-titled album, I’msosorry), but not ones that have absolute hits.

Fall Out Boy are always great for me, every song on their albums that I’ve heard so far, and that’s why they are my favourite band of the Summer. They’ve changed with the times and the kind of music that’s popular in the moment without ever losing what made their earlier music so great. It’s just all very idiosyncratic, from the music videos to the content to the actual song titles, and I love them.

ALBUMS I LIKED

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Doom Days // Bastille

While doing some research on this album, I discovered that the concept for Doom Days is that it follows different points in the night at a party, a party that has a lot of “turbulent emotional chaos”. This explains why I love it so much.

In general, Bastille are a band that put a lot of thought into their music, and I think some really visceral imagery can be created from the concepts they shape the album around.

The titular song is actually my favourite of the album. It describes escapism from modern anxiety, and how, no matter how fucked the world is, you need to shut off sometimes. I struggle a lot with this– I constantly describe my own anxiety, something that I struggle with a lot, as having an IV line of straight modern horror flowing into me that I can’t disconnect from– and I think, as a song, it confronts modern fear– from climate change denial to porn addiction– without ever demonising those who make the decision to shut their brains off from it sometimes.

I think the Peter Pan reference especially reaffirms this. Yes, Peter Pan himself is a symbol of innocence, but at its core, Peter Pan’s narrative is about a girl who finds escape from the ‘real world’ long enough to figure out the issues of adulthood and growing up without losing herself along the way. In a way, that’s what this song, and the rest of the album, enforce. Escapism is good sometimes.

Third Eye Blind // Third Eye Blind

God of Wine has been one of my favourite songs for god knows how long, and after listening to a really bizarre mash-up of Welcome to the Black Parade with Semi-Charmed Life, I finally figured I should give the rest of the band’s music a try.

I’ve started with their self-titled first album, just because it’s easiest as I make my way through their discography, but I kind of stopped on this one. I just really love it. It mixes different sounds, sometimes crossing several in one song (Narcolepsy has an ending that jolts you out of your seat), with grim lyrics reflecting on suicide and mental health conditions, crystal meth, and sexual abuse.

Fun story: Semi-Charmed Life was very familiar to me before I’d even listened to the album, and when I researched into it, I realised that was because it was used in trailers for The Tigger Movie and, as a massive Winnie the Pooh fan and YouTube user, I had most definitely seen the trailer when I was younger and not put the pieces together. These trailers were obviously recalled because the song is about crystal meth, but I just think that’s a fun look into how little people actually pay attention to lyrics!

Sucker Punch // Sigrid

I’ve obviously discussed Sigrid in length earlier in this post, so I won’t say as much here. My favourite songs on the album are Basic, Don’t Kill My Vibe, and Business Dinners.

FAVOURITE SONGS

Arms Unfolding // Dodie

Oh, our fire died last Winter

Heavy Metal Heart // Sky Ferreira

I describe the chorus and instrumentals of this as the musical equivalent of a headache, and I stand by that. Sky Ferreira’s voice is great, and I love the chaotic noisiness of this song.

Django Jane // Janelle Monáe

I actually only just listened to Dirty Computer. I tend to prolong listening to things until well after the hype surrounding them dies down, and I’m glad I did, as I’m not sure if I would have enjoyed the album otherwise.

I’m With You // Avril Lavigne

Can you tell I grew up goth? I remember memorising the lyrics to this when I was in year 3.

The Archer // Taylor Swift

Definitely the best song to come out of Taylor Swift’s latest album so far! I love the juxtaposition in the lyrics. I also wrote a whole post assigning her songs to Shakespeare Plays, if you’re interested in that sort of thing!

goodnight n go // Ariana Grande

I… don’t have much to say about this? It’s one of three songs I actually like off Sweetener.

A Brand New Day // BTS&Zara Larsson

Everytime the first notes of this song play I get immediately hyped. I love the instruments used in this song, and I think the voices and sounds of the different collaborators in this (V and J-Hope, and Zara) all compliment each other really well.

Nightmare // Halsey

I Smile // DAY6

DAY6 were sold to me as a Korean rock group and I immediately jumped on that. I really love their album Sunrise.

Doom Days // Bastille

Someone You Loved // Lewis Capaldi

This has some iffy messages, especially concerning the idea of your partner– or a sole person– as a sort of therapist instead of pursuing other avenues (i.e. actual, paid-for therapy) to help you begin to tackle emotional issues. I do love Lewis Capaldi’s voice, though, and I think there are more ways to look at the song than just that. Remember kids: it’s okay to ask for help from loved ones and there should be a quid pro quo of support, but if your emotional issues are that bad, please seek professional help!

Kataomoi // Aimer

Baby Don’t Stop // NCT U

After how much time I’ve spent crafting paragraphs about music I love and trying to remain somewhat intelligent, I’m breaking that here: this song is just sexy. That’s the whole reason I love it. I’m sorry.

Ça Ira // Joyce Jonathan

This is a really fun song, it kind of reminds me of Sara Bareilles, only French. The fact that the music video is staged as her going on blind dates with people of all genders is also really adorable and not something I see a lot of in music videos!

FAVOURITE MUSIC VIDEOS

Spring Day // BTS

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I spend most of my time attempting to deconstruct every music video BTS have ever come out with, but Spring Day is almost the be-all-end-all for me. There’s so many layers to this music video, from the philosophical references– The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas by Ursula K Le Guin is a direct inspiration for the music video– to its context within the general BTS ‘Universe’ they’ve created with their music videos. I know this isn’t considered a direct part of the BTSU, but it is to me, and I love it. I really love the music video for Lights as well!

Nightmare // Halsey

youtube

This is a fact not many people know about, but I desperately wanted to both be in a rock/heavy metal band when I was younger, and also date someone in a heavy metal band. So all of those black and white sequences of Halsey as the frontwoman for a rock band are honestly my favourite thing ever. I love the messages of this song; I know people are divisive over their opinion on Halsey, but I’ve always loved her honesty, so I really love this song.

Kataomoi // Aimer

youtube

It’s a very quiet music video and I love that! People can do a lot with smaller budgets and minimal people partaking, I think this music video is beautiful. My best friend actually recommended this song to me with the assurance that Namjoon from BTS talked about it before.

Winter Bear // V

youtube

Speaking of quiet music videos: THIS. It’s soft and mostly uses shots and clips V got himself walking around and touring, including a few Jimin got for him. I’m very much on both ends of the spectrum concerning music videos: I love so many large-budgets videos, but I also love ones that are minimalist and filmed on smaller budgets (if you don’t count the cost of what Taehyung is wearing, obviously).

What have you listened to this Summer? I’d love some music video recommendations especially, I think it’s amazing how carefully people can form stories and messages without ever using speech, especially when the imagery isn’t overt and you can do research into shots used to understand what it could mean.

Thank you for reading!

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Music I Enjoyed This Summer This is part of my Music Monday series on my blog, where I talk all things music, from recommending songs to discussing my favourite music videos to compiling playlists based on prompts.

#bastille #fall out boy #music #music monday #playlists #sigrid #summer music #third eye blind

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johnheintz · 7 years

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Research is Transforming 6th Grade Educaction

Paris has some great schools. An American friend of mine lives near the Bastille with her French husband and two primary school-aged kids. She likes her kids’ school. But she still wants to move her family back to the US when they get to high school.

They want an American high school experience. The allure of US high schools isn’t math, science or history. It isn’t academic, college and career preparation. The Paris parents want cheerleading, prom, homecoming, football games, school spirit and sports. In other words, they want the comprehensive US high school experience, which isn’t offered in a French system that focuses almost exclusively on academics.

School-aged kids’ parents disagree with me all the time on how much schools have changed. I’ve worked with many public, private and parochial, secondary and higher education institutions in three states and five countries, and I’ve advised parents, teachers and leaders. Helping my friends navigate schools is rewarding. They are passionate about their choices, and I know that those choices matter. I listen to them talk about conversations about whether it’s better to learn physics before biology, the best novels to introduce to teens, the value of studying abroad in China or Argentina and whether private school is worth the cost. We typically do not disagree about extra-curriculars like prom and sports, so when I heard my friends in France say they wanted to move back to the United States for high school extra-curricular like sports, a light bulb clicked on.

Many of the parents I advise spend their days working in data rich environments where their jobs often revolve around their ability to analyze and act not on emotion but on verifiable information. It seems reasonable that for one of the biggest decisions of their lives, these parents would rely on fairly detailed research and data, quantitative and qualitative, to support their decisions about where to send their kids all day every day for nearly two decades.

Decisions about schools aren’t made that way. When it comes to choosing schools, most parents go with their gut. Choosing a school based on cheerleading and prom exposes deeper assumptions about how schools work- or don’t work.

Parents generally hold that schools haven’t changed much, and the popular literature saying schools look today like they did in the 195s is generally accurate. Even if parents notice minor changes, they simultaneously dismiss those changes as insignificant and conclude that what was good enough for them is good enough for their kids. When I try to persuade them that school today is fundamentally different, I usually fail.

Schools are different because increased competition for selective college spots, including from international students and especially competitive children from China which topped 300,000 this year.

Schools are different because of increased student stress due to the increased competition, which even parents who retreat to the safe suburbs can’t avoid. The competition is all the more cut-throat given increased academic accountability from accurate new assessments that mercilessly sort students leaving little room for consideration whether a child is nice. When I was in school, being nice was at least as important as performing well. Those days are over.

Schools are different because of macroeconomic issues that have created a wildly different world. It’s unclear what work students will be doing in the future, so schools have a hard time creating highly targeted programs.

Higher education costs continue to increase disproportionately to the economy overall. There are increasingly vocal questions about whether the big student loans for the big degrees are worth it. Even as the economy improves, there is the concern that salaries are not increasing at pace with increasing education costs, and children turning 25 in 2050 will very likely have a lower quality of living than today, if they haven’t already.s

The evidence I give for a fundamentally different approach to school doesn’t move them. Parents seem incapable of handling bad prospects and/or are hold such romanticized views of their school days. They are blind to the coming tsunami. They speak positively of their kids’ schools, and most of their evidence, from what I can tell, comes from comparisons about their school experience, which just isn’t applicable in this global market.

Just yesterday, a teacher spoke with a father in China who complained about his daughter’s experience at school. He remembered getting an assignment on Romeo and Juliet in tenth grade, and the fact that his daughter got a shorter Shakespeare assignment with more online analytical work was a negative sign to him.

Parents send their kids to school thinking what their children experience is fundamentally similar to their own childhood experience. I’m gentle with those parents because they aren’t running schools, and they don’t understand how different schooling looks every day on the ground. I also let them go because I figure it doesn’t matter too much. I know parents are the central educators in their children’s lives but also am comfortable letting them stay in their lane, parenting while I stay in my lane, running schools. Today, I realized the problem with that argument. I arrived today at the best example of how schools have fundamentally changed.

It’s research.

Twenty years ago, most high school English classes taught research in high school when seniors did “the research paper.” Today, students would think it’s a joke to wait until twelfth grade to introduce research. Why? Students in third grade and earlier perform research every day, multiple times per day far more rapidly than any twelfth grader of the past.

It’s old news saying that the internet has changed everything. It means a world-sized asteroid collision for schooling. A totally new approach to teaching and learning is needed that embraces these changes, yet most schools are plugging away at practices and pedagogies they’ve been doing for decades. Many are banning technology, sending their kids ever further into the Twilight Zone where students as young as 10 are asking why they can’t look up the answer on their phones.

What needs to be updated?

Research needs to be taught directly and at a much earlier age than high school. The curricular plan need to be comprehensive and discuss reliability of sources and how to give credit where credit it due.

Research need to be taught by whatever means necessary. Students in Shanghai research on their phones. Why? It’s easier to have Virtual Private Networks, big business in China, on one device, and students often can’t afford big fancy computers. They are masters of working with thumb-typing, and, as I was amazed to learn early, they know where to find everything.

Students need to be encouraged to do it with fast processors, fast internet and good online support. This is a hole-in-the-wall-like idea is that kids will research and learn on their own. It’s not forcing them to rifle through piles of papers in the controlled stacks of books in the Harvard Library. Every kid every day already researches information. They want to do this, so channeling this positive energy toward more productive directions is a great idea.

Schools and universities are not gate holders to information. All the information out there is easily available. Schools that don’t take advantage of this by telling students not to use tech are ignoring reality and will soon become unable to function.

Plagiarism. Traditional schools are futilely trying to control this tsunami of information and research by making increasingly tough rules against plagiarism. This is misinformed. Tech an opportunity for teaching and learning, not a time to legislate rules.

Parents of little kids need to understand this and a get on board. If you as a parent think your kid will get the same education you got, you’re not only wrong, your expectation is hurting your child. Parents need to advocate for things to look like they did when the way information was introduced in the past is gone, now and forever.

Schools must commit to teaching skills. This has been true for decades and has been repeatedly highlighted in the research literature. With easy access to info, it’s more crucial today than ever to have the skills to manage it. In 1993 when I started teaching, I had colleagues who said all students must know Death of a Salesman or Moby Dick. Today naming a single text as a source of all good is insufficient. Content is more important than ever, but the curating function of schools is decreasingly necessary. Young students research constantly now. They instantly look up up everything they don’t know. If I give them Moby Dick, they will read the summary online before the book. There is no point to stopping it. We need to teach to it. Students need the skills to know those online summaries are woefully insufficient to provide them with the content they, themselves, need and want.

Schools can try to require kids to reading certain content and take away tech to avoid temptation, but if the kids don’t support it, it’s a short-term ”solution.“ All that matters now is giving students ownership of the content they find, read and ultimately respect. The content that motivates and garners their respect they will read, and that content will change their minds and expose them to culture. Schools ignoring that little kids are researching are missing this.

Sadly most schools are missing this because of parents. Parents aren’t the only ones who think their own education is good enough for today’s youth, but they are the most powerful ones. Parents still control more of their children’s education than a school ever could. When parents come to see how fundamentally schooling has changed - regardless whether parents think they are sending their kids to a “traditional” school or not - then schools will have the latitude to fundamentally change how they approach reading, writing, research and, most imperatively, learning.

#research #technology #ideas #change

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