#also thomas being written as a massive stupid. i loved that

[no-light-left-on]

missing the time this fandom had like approximate ideas for different whalers. montgomery as the bitchy medic, rinaldo and rulfio as the wild party guys with rinaldo being every bit of an idiot he could be, galia as a tired but still down for mischief girlie; and several having a staple backstory that people took different approaches to in their fics

[daffodil--lament]

caoimhin 2022 reading wrap up

- Gideon the Ninth & Harrow the Ninth - good. made me insane. read them basically cover to cover. awesome

- The Hobbit - 10/10 it's the fuckin hobbit man. this was of course a re-read because I'm cultured

- The Great Gatsby - cool. enjoyed. also a re-read. so true fitzgerald materialism is bad. I love gay people

- Dogsbody - so good. dwj's ability to balance the themes of her stories always gets me. I need to read more of her books

- Howl's Moving Castle - I've read it more than 10 times in the last two years I love it so much 10000/10

- A Study In Charlotte - I love me some sherlock holmes. I love autism. I love people who are fucked up. enjoyed it as much as I did when I was 13

- Castle In The Air - hmc sequel. gets better every re-read. dwj poses an earth shattering question: what if all your favorite characters got even stupider? (this is about prince justin. he's the worst I love him)

- A River Runs Through It - destroyed me. holy shit. I finished that last page and had to go lay down for awhile. I was thinking about it for days. I am haunted by waters. god. good lord almighty.

- House of Many Ways - MASSIVE tone shift from a river runs through it. Charmain is a bitch and I like her so much. twinkle sucks. 9 million out of ten I love you Sophie Pendragon

- Howl's Moving Castle - by the time you finish homw you have to start hmc again to distract yourself from the series ending. howl and sophie were holding one another's hands and smiling and smiling quite unable to stop. I'm gonna pass out

- Hamlet - fuckin classic duh. I read this for the first time in seventh grade because I'm better than everyone. there's a reason it's one of the most widely known pieces of literature ever written

- Pride and Prejudice - also better every time I read it. Jane Austen is a genius. I wish I had an Elizabeth to my Darcy

- The Lightning Thief - percy jackson my beloved

- Sea of Monsters - retweet

- Storm Front - harry dresden is a bitch

- Fool Moon - harry dresden gets grievously injured, still manages to kill people

- Grave Peril - michael carpenter my beloved

- Summer Knight - karrin murphy btw (she is not enjoying herself)

- Death Masks - I love small children who carry great magical power

- Persuasion - Jane Austen I love you. I played minecraft prolifically while I listened to this book. it was so good. genuinely amazing. love love love

- Loki: Agent of Asgard - I always start this and I'm like "ha ha funny comic book" and then by the end I'm completely decimated. the art is so cool and I love watching it change throughout the run. conceptually the whole story and premise are so amazing. I can't really explain the extent of how good it is and do it justice. it's just awesome

- Pride and Prejudice - I forgot that I read this twice but if it's on the list you'd better be damn sure it happened

- The Raven Boys - I love pretentious glasses-wearing teenage boys (me irl)

- Patriot Games - the Harrison Ford movie is better but it was chill ig.

- Dream Thieves - fuck shit up little man

- Blue Lily, Lily Blue - popular among welsh voices in my head

- Murder on the Orient Express - AMAZING. I love hercule poirot so much. although I sort of knew the general ending, having seen, you know, literally any TV show made in the last 100 years, I was really surprised and pleased with the way the whole novel unfolded itself. awesome

- The Raven King - honestly awesome ending to the series. thoroughly enjoyed

- Rebecca - books that changed me at age 8. not sure why my mother chose to give me this book at that age but I'm forever glad she did. Rebecca is dead the entire story and she haunts it more than any ghost could. Spectacular. something about Mrs de Winter's name never being told to us or said out loud, but Rebecca's name being EVERYWHERE.... fantastic

- Blood Rites - I LOVE YOU THOMAS

- Never Let Me Go - I understand why this was award winning and I think I will never read it again

- Howl's Moving Castle - what better way to end my year. howl said I think we ought to live happily ever after and sophie thought he meant it. also I got the fancy illustrated hardcover version for Christmas and I am so happy. I will not be lending it to anyone ever. it's my baby.

[damiano-mylove]

How the beloved members of Måneskin act in long distance relationships

im sorry abt thomas but we good to go other than shite writing and cursing *Masterlist*

Vic

In the event of Vic loving a person as much as she loves you, Vic's last wish would be for the relationship to be long distance

Alas, here we are

There is not more than two nights a week where you're not on FaceTime with her till the birds are singing their annoying fucking songs

Vic also writes you letters in her beautiful and unique handwriting, sprays them with her perfume, leaves a lipstick kiss on the bottom of the page, then sends it to you by mail

She never tells you to expect a letter, but it'll be at least once or twice a month

Of course, Vic nips at any chance she can get to see your beautiful face and hold you tight and feel your skin beneath her fingertips

But if the December holidays roll around and you're separated, expect Vic to put her own spin on the 12 Days of Christmas, with each day's gift becoming more extravagant than the last

For your birthdays, she'd fight tooth and nail to be right by your side as you blow out the candles, but if she couldn't, expect a massive delivery for your birthday; a letter, some of her clothes, a blanket, a small bottle of Vic's perfume, etc.

Vic doesn't like not being right there with you, but you two can always get through it because you're so hopelessly in love that not even distance may infringe upon that

Thomas

The clingiest motherfucker under the sun

Thomas would literally do anything and everything he could just to catch a glimpse of you, in-person

Constant texts (yet somehow he knows when to stop before he gets annoying), always asks to ring you (if not, he'd ask for a voice message because he 'can't live through a full day without hearing your sweet voice'), letters letters letters

Anytime he'd see you, in the flesh, there would always be an hour dedicated to photos, so he'd always have something to look at when his heart ached for you

Thomas would literally rather pay for you to be beside him (plane fares, train tickets, anything) than to be without you

However, the love you two share would be flexible to long distance, it would just be rougher because Thomas needs that physical tether to someone

I regret to say, I doubt Thomas would ever start a relationship online, but he certainly would be open to continuing one in a long-distance way

To get into Thomas' heart, you need to physically be there

But really, so long as he has a picture of you smiling, with his lips against your temple, he'll be happy as a clam

Ethan

Ethan would literally never hang up on FaceTime

You would both fall asleep on FaceTime, do menial tasks on Facetime, cook and eat together over FaceTime

It sort of became the stand-in

The only time you both weren't on the phone would be when one of you took a shower or left your homes - which was getting rarer and rarer as the days drew on

Ethan detested being away from you, and while the FaceTiming satiated him a bit, it was nothing like the real you

Your physical quirks weren't always visible over the phone, your laugh didn't hit his ear the same way, the sun didn't quite shine upon you as it did when he was seeing you with his own eyes

Virtual you was about a trillion times better than no you at all, so Ethan took what he could get

Without a second thought, Ethan would always be angling to see you, anytime and anyway he could, in person

Ethan would be the most content with a long distance relationship, but that does not mean that his heart wouldn't feel cold and empty during those periods without your voice in his ear or face on his screen

Damiano

Goddamn is this man ever hard to pin down

You both agree, it's stupid to basically dedicate your lives to calling each other

Instead, you both live your lives, but call whenever both of you were at home and not doing anything - Damiano didn't want to force his way into your schedule, and nor you to him

Not negating the previous points, do not think for a second there wouldn't be constant reminders of who you were in a relationship with

Damiano found the number of your local florist shop and had them deliver you various bouquets, all with meanings of love, every four days at 9 am like clockwork

Your closet would be half yours and half Damiano's, and the same for him, as you both mailed each other your clothes to wear to just to hold to your nose (either at night to assure peaceful dreams or in the mornings to put a pep in thy step)

Long love letters would routinely be sent to your address, and always signed by 'Your Secret Admirer'

He wasn't fooling anybody, but Damiano wasn't trying to fool anybody

The letters would be written by fountain pens, on slightly discoloured paper, with scratch outs and ink blots, and the occasional absurd doodle on the backside

Like previously stated, Damiano didn't want you to resign your life to being on the phone, but he more than certainly wanted it known who you belonged to

alr you dirty bitches, ici is the request, however im pasisng out as i type

[craftypeaceturtle]

Our Influence

Summary: AU where when the sides touch they exchange a small influence. So how did the dark sides interact...

Note: Not written as overly shippy but read either way I guess! This is a part two but I feel like you can read this without having read the first (read here). Not entirely happy with how this is written by hey ho! 

.

“Hey Fear! Get over here...” Remus cried out without turning around from his creation. It was another attempt at a monster, perfectly designed for hiding in Thomas’ closet. Tendrils and beady eyes stared lifelessly back. 

“I do actually have other stuff to do y’know...” Fear muttered before leaning completely on top of Remus, his arms awkwardly dangling from where he flung them over his shoulders. Fear closed his eyes immediately with a peaceful sigh.

“Yeah yeah...” Remus scoffed as he scooped up Fear’s hand. He closed his eyes and let the feeling wash over him. An understanding flowing gently through him. He ignored his own insecurities coming to light and focused on the beast. It was like seeing through someone else’s eyes. The monster now seemed almost terrifying. Its eyes were like a lizard’s, constantly staring with an intense look despite not seeming to focus on anything. The tendrils were the perfect length for grabbing feet that stuck out from the covers. But, it moved too normally. It moved just like anything else. Not anxiety inducing enough... Remus experimentally twitched and threw his head around before making the creature copy the movements. Twitchy snaps that made it look even more reptilian. “What do you think?” 

“I hate it,” He chuckled, “I like how you remembered the eye thing!” Virgil demonstrated bugging his eyes out while Remus simply laughed him off.

“Yeah, at first I thought that would be boring but it really is the blood splatter on the corpse!”

“Ew!” 

“Are you two finished yet!” Deceit suddenly snapped as he stormed into the room. “We don’t have much time, his mum has already left!” 

The three sides instantly jumped into action. Deceit made sure to cuddle the both of them under his arm so to keep their focus on the task at hand. His influence blocking any other thoughts or doubts. After some rushed bickering, they settled for the creature to materialise out of the jacket that was hanging on Thomas’ closet. Once it was in place, they appeared around Thomas’ bed in a tight huddle; invisible to the boy but their thoughts seemed to ring around his head. 

“Oh Thomas, I’m sure you’re perfectly safe...” Deceit whispered with a fake joyfulness, he almost sounded like Morality. Remus giggled frantically before Fear slapped a hand over his mouth. 

“But what if you’re not! Anyone can break in at any time!” 

“Oh it definitely wants to eat you! But what if it’s like a spider and slowly melts you first! Ooh! Or or... what if it uses those tendrils to throw you out the window.”

Once Thomas started snivelling, they all excitedly squealed before rushing to sink down. Once they all rose up again, Remus cackled joyously and grabbed them both into a tight hug before they could even orientate themselves.

It wasn’t often that they carried out a massive plans like this but Deceit had specifically asked for it for his birthday. It was fun and all, planning out all these nightmares, but it was nothing compared to the adrenalin of actually doing it. Seeing how far they could go before Logic stepped in. Deceit had a massive grin as Remus pressed him tightly into shoulder, despite Deceit being so much taller. Virgil rolled his eyes at the antics while stifling his own giggles into Remus’ outfit. As they all caught their breaths, they all snuggled deeper into the others. Deceit’s influence flowed through them, making it harder and harder to focus on anything but the excitement of doing that! Any thoughts on how Thomas might be upset seemed like whispers behind a shouting glee of ‘oh did you see Thomas’ face’.

The dark sides had always been close. Their influences to each other was what kept them sane and allowed them to do their best. They had to be close! They were the rejects. Where would they be if they started turning their backs on each other? 

Remus needed Fear’s understanding on negative emotions so he could better create terrifying nightmares. Although he wouldn’t admit for many years, it also turned his own fears and storm of ideas into a calmed puppy rather than a roaring beast. Deceit also helped him to keep his mind on track. Virgil calmed the storm and Deceit’s influence helped him find the very best idea out of them all. There was no way he would be able to scare Thomas without either of them.

Fear thrived off of Deceit’s influence. The ability to calm his mind and forget his worries was the only reason he could practically stand most days. Without him felt like hiding from a hurricane without any clothes on. It just wasn’t worth even trying. With Remus as well, he was like an actually functional side! He had ideas and could see whether an idea would work. He knew that he would be nothing without either of them.

Deceit loved Remus’ influence the most, despite how unfair that felt to say. Ideas and scenarios swam gently through his mind. How could he get better at lying? What lies would work in this scenario? Why didn’t this work like last time? He recognised that he could turn to Roman for the same influence but of course that would require being able to get close to him. 

Then there was Fear’s influence. 

A headache would slam against his skull, his brain feeling squished, every time Virgil sadly nuzzled further into his arm. Deceit wasn’t even sure he actually felt Virgil’s influence. All he ever felt was the resounding pain and exhaustion every time they touched. It got worse the older they got. He remembered being aware of it when they were maybe six years old, but then it was only like getting pins and needles. Not painful, totally manageable. But now it felt like a needle pressing through his skull. Until now, Deceit managed through it knowing just how much Virgil needed this. Until now.

Deceit sighed. His mind screamed ‘stop’ but he wasn’t stupid enough to keep going through this. Thomas was nine and therefore they were only nine years old too. But Deceit’s mind was settled. Scraps of plans were scattered around him like some sort of halo. This was for the best. It had to be... He would just talk to him and hopefully limit or stop exchanging their influences. 

They had just finished dinner and he waited carefully until he knew Remus wouldn’t be leaving the imagination any time soon. Bless him, he still thought that it was a secret that he met Roman in there. Fear was tucked into his side as usual. He snickered beneath his breath. Surely that was a given. Not worth pointing out! Where else would he possibly be. “Fear, can I talk to you?” He spoke, slowly pushing Fear into sitting on his own. 

“Uh...” 

“There’s no nice way to word this,” Deceit lied, “Your influence can sometimes be a bit much.”

“What do you mean...” Virgil had paused before responding. He melted into Deceit’s side just as he always would. Something even vaguely uncertain and he’d burrow away. Deceit’s influence made everything so sluggish, Virgil frowned trying to decipher what he could mean. The only thought slipping through Deceit’s denial influence was confusion. 

“Well,” Deceit sighed but his stomach clenched painfully, “That is just who you are! You are Fear. So naturally your influence is unpleasant. Well, unpleasant is a strong word. But you get the point...”

“Okay... But what if I’m... okay that’s fair but I’m not sure... Um I... Okay.” Deceit snapped to look at him. His face slacking and his jaw falling open. 

“Do you think that you are something other than Fear?” 

“W-what! No! No way! Of course not! W-where on earth did you get such a... s-silly idea? Deceit... oh y- No.” Fear didn’t move. 

“You want to try again.”

“Maybe? For a little bit now...” Fear awkwardly made eye contact but the room seemed stifling, “I’m thinking I’m Anxiety? Or maybe something similar and I just don’t know the word yet. Heh... I mean I thought I was Paranoia for awhile there but I- I mean I worry about real stuff too. I’m not strong enough to be Fear. I’m pretty sure I’m Anxiety.” The side was whimpering and his eyes nervously spanned across the room. All his inner thoughts and worries just spilling from him without any control. He wasn’t even sure who he was but now he had told someone! Now he had to be sure. He curled tighter and tighter. 

Deceit sat back for a second. This wasn’t at all in any of his plans. There was no reasonable way he could’ve predicted this. Was his influence so strong that he forced him into denial about who he truly is? Years spent under a name that didn’t suit him? No... Deceit breathed. He started this conversation for a reason, “Right. I’m glad you’ve figured this out. At least a little. But this does raise a good point. So you’re Anxiety...” He trailed off. 

“Uh... sure,” He stammered.

“Does Anxiety sound like a good thing to spread to others?”

The other side’s chin was starting to wobble and he tried to inch further away from him yet never actually moving away from his touch. He sighed. He looked positively pathetic like this. Tears made his eyes look somehow even bigger, his hands nervously clasped under his chin and even his black hoody now seemed too big and scary for such a side. He cupped the back of his head and pulled him tightly into a hug. Surely, he could wait a few more days to tell him. “If it makes you feel any better, I think I’ve finally chosen a name. Don’t worry about what I said. Just... dear old Janus being silly.” 

Janus hated himself for backing out. But Anxiety was like his brother. Maybe he could just keep going on. The influence wasn’t exactly like a headache, just more like an intense tiredness. Nothing bad! Surely it wasn’t worth this upset. If it ever did get too much then he can just actually talk to him again.

Anxiety’s identity crisis seemed to slow after a few weeks, longer than anyone expected, but it seemed like he was glowing now. He was so much more energetic but obviously that still was partially from him and Remus. To be expected. This time though, Janus took a different approach, “Hey Remus. Do you mind talking?” Janus asked as he settled down on Remus’ bed. He was sitting at the desk with his eyes bulging as he tried to manipulate whatever daydream was forming. He waited patiently by examining just how filthy his bed was today- not that bad considering. At least that means he should be in a good mood.

“Yeah, what you wanna talk about?” Remus finally seemed to process Janus’ words and snapped up unnaturally. 

Deceit looked up, “Well, this might seem like a bizarre question, but do you like Anxiety’s influence?”

“What? Of course I do! He’s the only reason why I know about Thomas’ fear of spiders!”

“No! I meant... more in general. The feeling.” 

“I mean yeah! It makes everything so much easier! Instead of feeling all gross and like I’m going to vomit, I just know I’m feeling nervous that we’re going to get caught or something. Why? Do you not like it?” Remus frowned. He looked at Janus like he was looking at him for the first time ever. His words had stilted and slowed towards the end. His eyes widening. Janus felt his gaze like a searching light. But obviously nothing had changed. Well, Anxiety wasn’t glued to his side, hiding under his capelet as he always did. Janus shrugged, hating how his own eyes were watering up, and walked over to Remus. Remus dazedly hooked his arms around Janus’ shoulders. His face stared blankly past his shoulder. “What does this mean? Are you lying to us, because you said you wouldn’t do that with important stuff! Does this mean I can’t go near Virgil? When did yo- No, have you told him? Why... What! What does this mean!” 

“I don’t know just yet... But I think you should stop worrying about Anxiety and give him space,” Janus whispered and allowed his influence to stop all those thoughts. 

Remus had loved his fifth birthday party. It was such a treasured memory. At the time, he loved finally showing Fear and Deceit his slowly growing kingdom and the entire land. The different creatures, carefully balanced to form an actually sustainable ecosystem, to the different houses made out of hollowed out trees. Everything was obviously doused in a good dose of weirdness but it all functioned in its own world. They went exploring in caves, though Fear got mad at him once he figured out he kept changing the tunnels deliberately. He loved when they made themselves bigger and attacked a village. But looking back, the best part was afterwards. The entire time they all held hands. So natural that no one even questioned and wanted both of their hands available. But it was when they came back to the mindscape and all fell asleep on the sofa. They must’ve looked like an overfilled graveyard- bodies just piled on top of each other. 

They had always been close. Remus could count the times they were completely separate on one hand probably. 

“Your influence is a bit much right now Virgil. It’s like agreeing to give myself a headache,” Janus muttered and turned away from him. Virgil deflated. That had to have been one of his worst panic attacks ever, Remus thought after he heard the gasps from Anxiety’s room. He kept asking if he was allowed to go in but Deceit kept saying that it was ‘probably the best to leave him alone’. It was such a small thing! What a cry baby! You left just because of that! He probably didn’t even mean it! It was such a small thing! Janus was so obviously just tired that day or something. Remus spent years screaming at anything that reminded him of Virgil.

Remus was older now. He wasn’t an idiot. That was simply the straw that broke a very fragile camel. Virgil had just told them that he wanted to go by a name, just like him. Imagine telling someone you’ve picked a name out for yourself and then being denied the very next day. Janus had probably already told Virgil that he didn’t like his influence but it only then just hit Virgil? Maybe... Janus of course never liked to talk about what actually happened. That one poor comment was just poor timing.

Right now, he wanted to go up to the light sides and apologise to him. Hell, he could even go to Patton if he really wanted to for tips for a good apology! But he knew that the second he saw him, all those childish accusations and anger would erupt again. His head throbbed painfully. “Ugh, what am I even worrying about! It’s not like I would actually go apologise... Heh, if only Virgil was here. Then maybe his influence would make me realise what I’m even worrying about,” Remus smiled to himself, drooping off his chair, “I guess Janus will do.”

Janus wasn’t surprised to feel Remus drape over him like the dramatic cat he was. It was like clockwork. Now barely a day passed when he didn’t have a green and black lump glued to his side. It was practically a part of his uniform now. He had to laugh. Of course it was years too late before he realised it wasn’t Virgil’s influence that bothered him, but rather his own. 

It made no sense, he kept lying to himself. It was so rare to feel your own influence or be drained by giving people your influence. Or that was what Logan’s research found. Janus resented that his experiences always left him drained. Virgil had too many constant rushing thoughts and anxieties for him to cover up. Yet, without Virgil’s influence, the Duke now has too many constant rushing thoughts and anxieties for Deceit to handle. They had all depended on each other and now they were missing a piece. A headache slammed against his skull, his brain feeling squished, as Remus sadly nuzzled further into his arm. 

Remus laughed at just how much he now depended on Janus. Surely Janus would always be there for him to burrow away in, always. He swore he would be once they realised that Virgil wasn’t coming back. His remaining constant.  

Why would he ever want to leave...

[nineteenninety-six]

PARTNERS

REQUEST: Could you write a Thomas Shelby imagine where and his fiance get into a fight about how Tommy calls her his partner but never truly lets her help him and he claims it for her safety and Polly has to remind him that her stubbornness and loyalty is one of the reasons he fell in love with her.

I’m so tired of posting and deleting over and over again because it never appears in any of the tags

My inbox is now empty :( So pls request if you want to! :) 

Word Count 2073

“And if you leave your details with my partner outside, I’ll contact you within a week.”

(Y/N) felt her eye twitch as Tommy’s words that floated through the partially open office door. ‘Partner’ oh how she hated that word. Although that was what Tommy called her, ‘secretary’ was much more fitting. She spent most of her time at her desk doing paperwork or if she was lucky, Tommy would send her to do some low risk work around Small Heath. 

(Y/N)’s thoughts were interrupted as the man who was speaking to Tommy stepped out of his office and made his way over to her and a few minutes later she was leading him outside with a polite smile and his contact information scribbled down a piece of paper. 

As soon as she shut the door her smile was replaced with a frown, as much as she tried, she couldn’t get rid of the irritation that built at Tommy’s words. It wasn’t even lunch time yet but her day was already ruined and she still had to spend the rest of the work day with Tommy and go home with him.

(Y/N) knew that she should of told Tommy of the effect that his words and actions were having on her, they were engaged for christ’s sake but she had a nasty habit of keeping things in until she exploded.

Taking a deep breath, (Y/N) paused knowing that the sight of Tommy would make her irrationally angry but she had to do her job. She pushed open the door and was greeted by the sight of Tommy slumped back in his chair and a cigarette in his mouth, as per usual.

“Here.” She said as she made her way over to his desk, “Mr. Walcott’s details.”

She doesn’t spare him a glance as she places the piece of paper on his desk, intent on just dipping in and out but Tommy had a different idea.

“What’s wrong?” Like usual Tommy knew something was up with just one look at her.

“Nothing.” (Y/N) pulled her hand out of his grip and pushed herself away from his desk, wanting to leave his office as soon as possible.

"(Y/N)." 

Pausing briefly at the door, (Y/N) looked over her shoulder at him, looking at him for a moment, "Leave it Tommy" she left quickly after. The rest of the day was filled with thick tension and snappy answers. Their stubborn personalities prevent them from speaking first.

Drinking at the Garrison was the last thing (Y/N) wanted to do but she was dragged out by Tommy to have drinks with the rest of the Shelby clan but she could tell that her continued sourded mood was grating on him, it wouldn't be long until he snapped but she also knew he didn't like making unnecessary scenes, so it wouldn't be until they got home that he would finally snap. 

“What’s Tommy done now?” (Y/N)’s head snapped up in surprise, she didn’t hear anyone make their way over to her and yet Polly was sat right there next to her. 

“How do you know Tommy’s done something?” It was a stupid question since Polly always knew when something was happening, (Y/N) knew that but she asked it anyway.

“Because that nephew of mine is a lot more trouble than what he thinks he is.” (Y/N) felt her lips quirk, it was true, Tommy was a massive pain in the arse, something he refuses to acknowledge.

“It’s nothing Pol, we’ll talk it out when we get home. Don’t worry.”  Polly simply gave a nod at (Y/N)’s words, knowing not to push it at the current moment. 

The women continued talking through the rest of the night, Polly bringing (Y/N) out of her mood enough that she actually ended up enjoying the night but her good mood was quickly squashed when Tommy stood up and gave her a lot that told her to say her goodbyes as it was time to leave. 

“Are you finally going to tell me what’s been making you moody?” Tommy asked her as they walked through the streets of Small Heath. 

“Are you going to actually listen to what I’ll say or will you brush it off like usual?” (Y/N) quickly shot back, not in the mood to deal with his snarkiness.

Tommy grit his jaw in frustration before relaxing it and taking a deep breath, “I’ll listen to you but you have to tell me everything, I can’t help you if you only tell me part of the reason why you’re so upset.” 

They had arrived home at this point, (Y/N) hanging up their coats before shuffling to the kitchen to make them tea while Tommy lit a fire in the fireplace, bathing the living room in warmth.

“You gonna tell me then?” Tommy asked after she kicked her heels off with a relieved sigh and stretched out like a cat. Ignoring her pointed glare, Tommy lit himself a cigarette waiting for her to speak.

“Do you not trust me?” 

Tommy was taken back, out of all they things he expected her to say, this wasn’t one.

“Of course I trust you.” Tommy spoke gently

“Do you think I’m weak?”

Tommy’s mind was racing, he didn’t know why (Y/N) was asking these questions, “Why are you asking me this?”

(Y/N) paused before she spoke again, gazing heavily at the flames that danced in the fireplace “You call me your partner yet the word secretary is a more apt word for me, don’t you think? I’m your partner yet I sit on a desk outside your office taking calls and notes for you. I’m your partner but you don’t tell me anything that is going on with the company. Do you know how insulting that is to me, how low it makes me feel that my fiancé treats me as if I’m some local lad who’s working for them instead of his wife-to-be.”

 Tommy was speechless for a moment, he never knew she felt like like this but he had a valid reason why he didn’t get you heavily involved with the business.

“(Y/N)...you have to understand the reason why I keep you away from gang stuff is because those people out there that I interact with aren’t nice people and they’ll hurt you if they have to you. I do this to keep you safe.” 

“Safe?” (Y/N) scoffed, “How many times have I been in danger thanks to you Thomas? Whether you keep me close or at a distance won’t matter to these people Tommy, if they know we’re together then they’ll try to harm me regardless.”

Tommy reached over and took (Y/N)’s hands in his, gently pulling her face so she faced him instead of the fire, “You’re my weakness and I cannot let those men out there harm you.”

He expected (Y/N) to soften and become understanding but instead her eyes became hard and she ripped her hands out his, “If I’m your weakness then it’s your problem Thomas, stop taking it out on me. Do you even realise that I barely know how to defend myself, you refuse to teach me how to use a gun so I’m stuck walking around with a small pocket knife, hoping that it’s enough to defend myself in case I’m ever attacked. Your reluctance to teach me how to defend myself may be the thing that ends up being your biggest mistake.”

(Y/N) stormed off quickly after, the slamming of their bedroom door tells Tommy that he would be sleeping in the guest bedroom tonight and every night until he rectifies the situation. 

Tommy wasn’t surprised that (Y/N) hadn’t come into work the next day, though he expected her to go running to Polly so when his aunt didn’t come storming in telling him off, he was mildly surprised but knew it wouldn’t be long till she did go to Polly. And he wasn’t wrong, the door to his office opening with a loud bang a few days later. 

“Do you want to tell me why I was dealing with a very frustrated and upset (Y/N) earlier today?”

His aunt made herself at home, pouring herself a glass of whiskey before she down in one of the chairs opposite him and lighting herself a cigarette.

“It’s just a big misunderstanding.” Tommy sighed, the reason why he had gotten his own office away from the betting den was so he could have peace and quiet and no one would be barging into his office without invitation and his aunt’s presence made me realise how much he didn’t miss the den on Watery Lane. 

“Well, she told me that you two had a fight about her safety and it just spiraled from there.”

“She doesn’t understand Pol. I’m not doing this for me, I’m doing this for her but she’s too damn stubborn to see it. 

“Tommy,” Polly shook her head and Tommy knew she was internally calling him a fool, “Do you remember what you said to me years ago? That her stubbornness and loyalty is of the many reasons why you fell in love with her and that you wouldn’t change it for the world. You being overly protective of her isn’t going to do anything but push her away. I know you love her but this isn’t the way to show it.”

Tommy let out a loud sigh, Polly was right and they both knew it. 

“Yea, orright. Where is she then?”

“Back at your place.”

Tommy and Polly left his office together, his aunt pressing a kiss to his cheek and whispering words of encouragement in his ear before she left for the betting den. Tommy stopped off at florist, picking up a bouquet of flowers on his way. When he stepped into the house, he was greeted by the sound of the radio playing quietly and your soft humming accompanying it, following the sound, he was taken to the kitchen where you making lunch. 

He stopped and admired for a few minutes before he made his presence known by knocking on the doorway. (Y/N) paused what she was doing to look over her shoulder and scowled when she saw him. 

“What do you want?”

“I want to apologize. I’m sorry.” (Y/N) turned around at his words, surprise written all over her face.

“Your what?” Tommy couldn’t blame her for the incredulous tone that seeped into her voice.

“I’m sorry. I was wrong about protecting you and keeping you distanced from the company. You’re your own person and are able to make decisions for yourself and it isn’t my place to tell you what you can and can’t do. I was projecting my fears on to you and I apologize for that.”

(Y/N) couldn’t believe it, Tommy Shelby was actually apologizing to her, “You’re really sorry?”

“I’m really sorry. Honest.”

“I forgive you. I’m glad you realised all that.” (Y/N) nodded, returning the shy smile Tommy thew her.

“You were also right about defending yourself, so this weekend I’ll teach you how to use a gun and give you one for safety eh.”

“Really?” (Y/N)’s smile was so wide, Tommy couldn’t help but return it.

At Tommy’s nod of confirmation, (Y/N) squealed and leapt into his arms causing him to let out a huff of surprise along with a laugh. 

After he placed her down, he presented her flowers the he had got for her, his smile growing as he watches her face light up.

“For me?”

Tommy nods, his smile faltering when she giggles.

“What?”

“Mr. big scary gangster Tommy Shelby buying his fiancé flowers, who woulda thought it?”

“I can be nice when I want to be.”

“Hmm.” (Y/N) smiled with her eyebrows raised, an expression that meant she didn’t believe him. 

“I absolutely can.” 

(Y/N) laughed, “I didn’t say you didn’t!” 

“I know you and all your expressions! Don’t try to lie to me.” Tommy nudged his head against her, brushing his lips on her neck.

(Y/N) reached up and kissed him properly on the lips before she pulled back, her face still close to his, “Thank you, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Tommy whispered before he kissed her again.

[minaminokyoko]

Peace Talks Reactions

Hey, Dresden Fandom. You guys may or may not be knee deep in Peace Talks, but if you are, I welcome you to the below reactions, in handy dandy bullet form. I would love to discuss the book if you’re interested, whether you reblog with comments or shoot me a chat. I just finished the book, so all spoilers are below the Read More tag. 

Woof. Well, at least it was something after six fucking years of waiting.

·         So before Butcher’s giant hiatus, we had this first chapter of Peace Talks already and I have to say I still feel like I felt six years ago: I don’t really know where he’s going with Thomas becoming a father. In terms of what that will do for him as a character. For Harry, it’s different. Harry keeps it close to the chest with his decisions, willing to die for the greater good in an instant, and becoming a father made him have to be more careful and thoughtful in his actions to be sure he can be there for his baby girl. I’m not sure where Butcher is going with this for Thomas, but I guess we’ll see.

·         I was pleased to find out Harry decided to stick with the protected apartment and is trying his best on Dad duty. Me gusta.

·         Right, let’s get to the first big elephant in the room: Ebenezar. Oh my fucking God. I want to punch his fucking lights out. My friend and I have argued about his reaction to seeing Thomas at the apartment already. I know Eb has Harry by a thousand years or more in experience, but it pisses me off that Eb can’t be bothered to learn more about Thomas. Nope. Just skip straight to irrational anger.  It was also disappointing to find out that Eb is not a part of Harry’s life as much as I thought he was in the past, so clearly he doesn’t understand how important Thomas is to him. I’m a bit miffed that Harry didn’t explain Thomas is his half-grandson to help him understand, but at the same time, Harry might be worried about what that revelation will do. Either way, it displays a massive lack of trust in Harry. To think Harry—who has survived all this fucking shit from the supernatural world so far—is just a pawn and he doesn’t know how incredibly dangerous the White Court is. Eb is downright disrespectful and insulting to his own grandson. I’m sorry, but I think he’s being an asshat in huge proportions by just thinking Harry is too stupid to know better and by not asking him why he feels loyal to Thomas.

·         In that same vein, Eb’s whole thing about wanting Harry to leave Maggie somewhere can kiss my ass. I’m with Harry on this one. It’s not that I don’t trust the foster care system and I think anything negative about adoption, either. Maggie is a target because she’s a Dresden. That’s it. There is nothing she can ever do about it. She is the daughter of Harry Dresden, Captain fuckin’ Disaster of the supernatural world. There is no place she can go where she will be safe and Harry is honestly her best shot at being watched over and protected, but not only that, if she’s gonna be in danger her whole life, she might as well be loved and cared for by her father too. Harry brings up such a good point about feeling abandoned and rejected and how Eb’s “protection” jag didn’t work for Margaret either. I know he wants what’s best for her, but I agree that Maggie has a better chance of surviving at Harry’s side than somewhere else. Hell’s bells, that’s how this whole fucking thing started anyway. Susan’s bitch ass hid the kid and it didn’t work. Sheesh.

·         And now the other elephant in the room: Murphy. I think part of me forgot how severe her injuries were. I had assumed months of PT and such would allow her to be mobile again, but then I read Chapter 5 and now I’m just angry and hurt. You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone. You just don’t. I can’t help it. Murphy is my favorite, goddamn it. I’ve reread the books where she’s helping Harry the most because their dynamic is so phenomenal. They’re my OTP. She is one of the best written female characters I’ve ever known, so ripping her ability to be at Harry’s side away is so…2020. It’s just a nasty, horrible thing and it’s shot my excitement for this novel right in the foot. I didn’t realize how important it was to me that Murphy is Harry’s badass ace in the hole until I was told she’ll be lucky to walk again. I know things have to get worse for characters in order for them to grow, but fuck this so much. I am praying she gets a magical contract or healing or a wish or something so she’s back in action or I’m done.

·         With that same elephant, fuck Jim Butcher for skipping over the foreplay at the end of Chapter 5. Yes, I said it. Fuck him. I know he thinks it’s funny to frustrate us, but this is an act of betrayal of the highest order. Why? Because I’ve waited TWENTY FUCKING YEARS for Harry and Murphy to go canon, and what does he do the first time we, the audience, get to see them in a relationship? Cut to curtains fluttering. Fuck you. We deserved that foreplay scene. No, I will NOT use my fucking imagination, pun intended. I just paid you $15 to use YOUR imagination, Jim. You spent fifteen books building up the trust, love, loyalty, and sexual tension of these two characters. That’s countless words and countless pages. And now that they’re FINALLY together, nope, skip it. Skip what should have been something intimate and powerfully emotional. Ha-ha-fucking-ha. I hope you step on a Lego barefoot. I will try to have faith that Butcher will give us what we want—a canon version of Chapter 14 of Skin Game—but if he doesn’t, I’m gonna lose my fucking mind.

·         The thought of Mab and Lara Raith working together is utterly terrifying. No. Just no. Ugh, there are bad times ahead. I also thought it was kind of contrived that Lara is owed favors, which forces Harry to not be able to say no, and I think it’s a bit lazy on Jim’s part for this convenient block to be there and he can’t refuse the favors. It just felt like he didn’t want to put the energy into painting Harry into a corner this time, so here, a convenient favor. That being said, I cackled when Mab called him a bowl of porridge. That was legitimately hilarious. What a bitch.

·         Mm, Harry just called Murphy his girlfriend. I’ve waited twenty years for that alone. *happy sigh*

·         Oh, great. Someone sent Thomas to assassinate someone. I’m betting blackmail, whether he admits to it or not.

·         LOL @ Harry’s cursing policy with Maggie.

·         Harry. Don’t. Make. Promises. EVER.

·         I would not be the least bit surprised if this assassination attempt is Mab’s idea to cut off all of Harry’s allies but her so he will have no choice but to use her protection more often. Mab is a cold fuckin’ piece. Pun intended.

·         Harry, for real, do not square up with Ebenezar. You are a wolf, for sure, but that man is a werewolf by comparison.

·         I’m getting real tired of Ebenezar’s anti-vampire schtick. I get it. They’re bad. Now shut up.

·         This is so unfortunate: I’ve been missing Lara Raith just because she’s a hoot but with this whole favor thing and Harry and Murphy being fitted for chastity belts, I’m more tired than anything else.

·         Oh, neat, one of Gard’s sisters!

·         Of course Lara knows about Thomas being Ebenezar’s grandson. It’s Lara.

·         Oh, good, I’m sure whatever deal Harry just made with Molly isn’t stupid or reckless.

·         Yes, Sanya is a VERY weird man. That is an understatement, Butters.

·         Aha. I had a hunch it was River Shoulders and not the Genoskwa.

·         And oh good, the Genoskwa’s not dead. Yay. I hate you, Butcher.

·         Now there is a good tidbit of story for the series: that the reason everything is accelerating into bad news is we’re about to hit that 666 year mark that people are talking about, where the even worse shit hits. We’ve had small clues about Harry being starborn and this helps provide context for the shit that happens to him. I hope it’s not a Chosen One scenario, but it does explain why he’s been in so many scrapes and why he’s made it out of them so far. However, I tend to dislike destiny in most stories. It can get tedious. We’ll see what’s in store.

·         Ugh, and there it is, but I already knew Lara was gonna make poor Harry break Thomas out from the book trailer anyhow. Sigh.

·         Murphy calling the White Council useless is a fuckin’ mood and a half. I swear, they ain’t nothing but useless since these books first started. Harry hit the nail on the head earlier with Carlos and the Wardens, that they spend a lot of time talking at Harry but not listening. That’s been their entire M.O. from the start. They don’t listen to anything he has to say; they just insist they know better and that he should fall in line, not caring about what he has on said line, which is very often innocent lives. I love the hypocrisy of them preaching to him about making cold, rational decisions when it’s not their asses who have to deal with the consequences. Yes, there is fallout from what Harry does, but the opposition is always there and it doesn’t act solely based on what Harry Dresden does. I really fucking hate the Council at this point.

·         So we get a second of tender kissing in the tub and an “I love you” and then Butcher cuts away again. I am so over it. I don’t have enough energy to put towards how angry he’s making me right now and he doesn’t deserve it anyway. I cannot believe he spent all this time building this relationship up and then makes it canon and won’t touch it. Fuck you.

·         Murphy immediately spotting all three of Harry’s tails is life. God, I love my bad bitch.

·         I do like that Harry has been practicing his Veils. That’s smart. It also shows character development and wisdom that he’s recognizing how much more useful stealth is and that even though it’s hard for him, it’s worth the effort to learn. Good book boyfriend.

·         It’s still Murphy, bitch. Injured or not. My queen is a queen. Try her if you want, Freydis.

·         PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT MURPHY YOU POOR CATHOLIC DARLING COME HERE. That pass was hilariously unexpected in a book that hasn’t been all that funny so far. Thanks, Jim. That got a whole bunch of cackling out of me.

·         “I like your brother.” I just clapped and squealed. I mean, duh, of course Murphy likes Thomas, but this pleases me greatly to hear her say it aloud. Murph is tough and doesn’t like to say stuff like that out loud usually. I’m delighted.

·         For all my complaints, I appreciate Butcher bringing Murphy in to help Harry plan everything. She’s hella smart and experienced in matters where you need to get someone out without being all guns a-blazing. And it is an apology for her being benched halfway thru Skin Game, imo.

·         Oh, shit. Harry doesn’t know Molly’s the one who attacked Carlos. Ugh. I bet this is gonna explode in someone’s face.

·         And Harry just fucked up the rest of his friendship with Carlos, not know Molly already did the same thing. Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.

·         “You just went from a three to a six.” Jesus Christ, immortals are so savage, I swear. I laughed, tho. That was mean as hell.

·         I’m dying that Freydis wants a threesome with Harry and Murphy. I mean, who can blame her? Fuck, I want a threesome with Harry and Murphy, if I’m being totally honest here. The thirst is so fucking real.

·         Finally, someone made a joke about Harry and Murphy getting together.

·         Ah, this IS what I missed about Lara, though—she loves to fuck with Harry for the lolz and nothing other than the lolz. I mean, he’s such a peach. I would do the same thing.

·         Also, Jim, for God’s sake, make up your mind about vampires getting burned! I don’t get it. Thomas can touch Harry, and Harry is and always has been loved, so when do vampires get burned and when do they not? We’ve seen Harry touch Lara even when Susan was still alive and remember the kiss in White Night? MAKE UP YOUR GODDAMN MIND. I had a debate about this with another fan because it’s so goddamn inconsistent! If anyone being loved by anyone else burns them, then that would mean the entire world would be in the know about White Court vampires because they’d get burnt left and right touching people who are loved. I thought it only happens if they try to feed, not just touching each other. I think Jim needs to pay better attention to his own lore or finally spit out an explanation. We’ll see if he does later with that whole kiss thing from the book trailer, I guess. Argh! *Yosemite Sam curses*

·         I’m really starting to hate Harry’s condition and the fact that he didn’t stop to ask Eb what it is or how to stop it. Ugh.

·         Oh, good, and now everyone will think Harry and Lara are a couple. Convenient. Like they don’t already have constant trust issues. I’m sure Eb won’t block a gasket or anything.

·         Oh, yay, a Malcolm Dresden flashback! This is a delightful surprise. Like a lot of the fanbase, we’ve always wanted to know more about him. He seemed like a good man.

·         Yay! Vadderung to the rescue!

·         Okay, I do NOT like Murphy being alone with a starving Thomas and Lara. Not one little bit.

·         Ah, so the goddess Ethniu gets introduced in this book. That’s why Peace Talks got split and then Battle Ground popped out as the next book.

·         “You’re out of the White Council if you do this.” FUCK YOU, EBENEZAR. Jesus Christ, fuck you. All the Council has EVER done is use and abuse Harry Dresden. They have constantly blamed him for everything or forced him to fight their goddamn battles. You can shove it right up your old crusty ass for all I care. I am sick to death of this belief that they are just so righteous and trustworthy and good when they’re self-important douchebags who think that people are ants and can’t be bothered to protect them unless it directly benefits the Council.

·         I think I’m angriest because up until this point, Ebenezar has been mostly reasonable and it feels inorganic that Jim pushed him this hard. It’s just kind of exhausting because it feels like the plot needs Eb to lose his shit instead of it being something natural. I won’t be shocked if we find out he’s been compromised somehow, but I guess I’ll have to find out myself.

·         Murphy is right on the money. We thought we knew Eb, but we REALLY don’t. And that sucks. A lot. Especially since Harry has barely any family at all.

·         I can honestly tell why this book took Jim six years to write. It’s awful stagnant. It’s the exact same reason that the first draft of Of Fury and Fangs kicked my ass. I wrote the story in the first draft incorrectly, in a way, because all the characters were passive for the most part, and the other half of the problem was that I got halfway through this book and thought up an idea for a better book, but in order for the better book to happen, there were too many things I couldn’t ignore in this one, so I still had to finish it and make it good. Peace Talks, to me, feels like it’s obligatory to set up the next book, and maybe that’s why it feels lackluster to me. It’s a transitional book, which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s definitely in the bottom five of the entire series. Transitional books aren’t bad, but they aren’t good either. Most authors know that this tends to happen if you write a trilogy. All the really big, important shit tends to happen in the first and third book if you’re not careful. In this case, yeah, there’s stuff happening, but it’s largely passive. It’s kind of like why back in 2010 people were so hard on Iron Man 2—it spent all this time setting up shit for the MCU, which in the long run is a good thing, but that makes it weak when it tries to stand on its own. 

As it stands, Peace Talks is mediocre. Jim took way too many shortcuts. It felt rushed, ironically enough, because he was so busy moving pieces around to set up for Battle Ground that Peace Talks doesn’t really stand out as interesting or likable like the other books. I really understand why he got stuck and couldn’t write on it for six years. My two biggest beefs here are him pushing Ebenezar into the antagonist role and him completely fucking bailing on the Harry/Murphy relationship after sixteen books of waiting. I mean, yeah, fine, because everything in this book is just set up for Battle Ground, maybe then we’ll get more acknowledgment of the romance and the importance of the relationship, but as it stands, I’m dissatisfied with both aspects. This is part of why we didn’t want a hiatus. If you make us wait this long, inevitably, the result is not going to be up to par. There are VERY few things we as people have waited forever for that ended up living up to our expectations. I almost feel like all the fan theories and fanfiction was a better, more creative result than what actually happened in Peace Talks. That’s harsh, I know, but I’ve been reading the fan generated stuff for six years and that’s just how I feel. 

This is a mediocre novel that’s placing a LOT of weight on what’s to come, which is dangerous from a quality standpoint. It could be a lot worse. I was expecting a disaster. Instead, I got a disappointment. I can live with it, but only if Battle Ground makes up for it. If it doesn’t, then we’re all in a world of hurt.

I’ll take maybe a week or so and then consider if I want to do an actual review or not. We’ll see how I feel once I digest everything and talk it out with friends.

Overall Grade: 3 out of 5 stars

[sidespromptblog]

Retired Liar

Summary: Deceit is a self-proclaimed retiree, unfortunately for him before he can fully kick off his newly retired status someone has a little bit of a problem with that. Not that he cares about anything anymore, let alone his past ‘job’.

The plastic bag crinkled as Deceit shoved his hand into it, shoveling out an entire handful of chips straight into his mouth. Crumbles cascaded down his chest like an avalanche of grease and potato flakes, but honestly, he could have cared less as his mismatched eyes remained fixed solidly to the tv that Roman usually stood in front of and that was now playing a horror crime drama. The very fake screams of terror coming from the tv did nothing to change the look on the dishonest side’s face, nor did the taste of bland and currently stale potato chips on his tongue. His eyes felt heavy as he stared at the tv screen, the room somewhat dark around him as with his face only being lit up by the lighting from the tv. 

It was just the crinkling of the bag and the sound of the tv that made any noise, but somehow it was enough to make Thomas jump at the suddenness of it. His head snapping back to look at the snake faced side that had just suddenly shown up and asserted himself there. Honestly… Thomas wasn’t quite sure what to say at that moment, as Deceit laid there not bothering a single soul but also… looking almost depressed as he did. 

Truth be told… it worried Thomas a little, to see the side that was normally doing so much.. doing so little. 

“What are you doing here!” Virgil hissed, popping up as soon as Thomas’ heart started to thud heavily in his chest, the anxious side had his arms crossed over his chest as he coldly regarded Deceit, especially seeing just what he was wearing too. Deceit had always been one to dress properly, even his bedtime attire was always a little too fancy for Virgil to stand. But now… seeing the faded t-shirt that was a few sizes too big for Deceit, and the faded plaid pajama pants that were just a little bit too long and hung over the tips of the dishonest side’s toes, coupled with the absolute mess that was Deceit’s hair… he couldn’t help but to get the feeling he was looking at an exact replica of Thomas when he had ducked out a few months ago. “What are you doing Deceit?” He cautiously asked the hair on the back of his neck standing on end, all while not entirely sure if this was some trick to make all of them lower their guard. 

Deceit shoveled another handful of chips into his mouth, and Virgil couldn’t help but to wrinkle his nose at the sight all while Thomas smiled sympathetically at it. It was a sight that was all too familiar to him, given that he had done it many of times after coming in from high school.

For a moment there was nothing but crinkling and loud obnoxious munching of the chips, “Most certainly not my job,” Deceit finally answered as soon the bag of chips was completely empty with not even a single crumb that remained inside, however instead of tossing it away the dishonest side crumpled it up and it merely vanished from sight just a few seconds before another one took its place. Deceit took all the time in the world to tear open this new bag, or rather struggling to open it as it just wouldn’t tear in the correct place for him to open it. “I’ve decided to…” His fingers fumbled with the seam of the chip bag again, “To…” He tried yet again, purposefully stopping his words right on the edge, as soon as he spotted Virgil’s clenching and unclenching fists, as if the anxious side was seriously struggling to not punch him right then and there. 

He was infuriating the anxious side. 

Good. 

“I,” He stopped again, this time trying to tear the bag open with his teeth in a move that just wasn’t cutting it for him. “Will,” He tugged again with his teeth, the plastic just not opening up for him. 

“Give it!” Virgil practically snarled at him ripping the bag of chips away with a little more roughness than he probably should have, before tearing open the bag practically shoving it at Deceit’s chest as the dishonest side blinked far too innocently back at him. “Now what are you doing here? You of all people should know that you don’t belong in the real world with Thomas.” His words carried a layer of venom with them, venom so strong that even he internally winced at the sheer meanness of them. He had never been this mean before, and he had never been this rude to Deceit in the past. They had once been friends, they had been buddies to one another. 

And yet… here he was, staring heartlessly back at Deceit as if they hadn’t lived together for more than twenty years of Thomas’ life. 

For a just a split second hurt lanced right through Deceit’s heart like a javelin from a professional javelin thrower, at the sheer sharpness of Virgil’s cutting words. Virgil hadn’t said it, but Deceit had heard the unspoken things that he had wanted say had Thomas not been in the room: “What are you doing here? You don’t belong with Thomas, you don’t belong anywhere. Why do I even have to look at you anymore? I thought that if I left I wouldn’t have to see your stupid face. I hate you!” For a moment his heart ached unlike anything before, and any other day he would have gone to his room and curled up with the abandoned black jacket that Virgil had behind. He allowed himself to feel that hurt but it was only for just a moment.

As he forced that very feeling and sensation out of him the very second he popped a chip in his mouth, loudly crunching on it. Better to eat his feelings away than to feel anything at all, that was a perfect motto for what he was doing right now. Because if he couldn’t fill the void inside of him with companionship and the company of those he had once held most dear… then he could always fill it full of pizza, chips, and sweet sweet ice cream. 

He couldn’t stand the two conflicting expressions on Thomas’ and Virgil’s face. One of distaste and hate, and the other of… pitying understanding. He hated it, he wanted no pity.. and he would have given anything and everything for Virgil to never hate him again. 

Unfortunately, he didn’t have anything left to give. 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Deceit set the bag aside as he kicked his feet up on top of the coffee table in front of him, forcing Virgil to move if he didn’t want to even touch Deceit. “Thomas says that he wants to be a completely honest person right?” He gave a tiny little wave to the host in question, who was still looking at the both of them with varying levels of concern written all over his face. It was almost cute, that is if Deceit even felt remotely cute right now. “So I’ve retired, there’s no reason for me to be in Thomas’ head if he doesn’t want to lie, let alone be in my room. So I’m going to stay out here, where you all can live your perfectly happy lives. No lying.” The beaming smile that lit up Deceit’s face was entirely fake, in fact, his lips hurt from the mere act of pulling them so wide when all he really wanted to do was curl up with a massive blanket, fall asleep, and not wake up for several years. 

His heart hurt with the words of truth that spilled from his lips, Thomas had a use for all of them. Even Remus despite how vulgar and sexual he was with everything that he touched. Patton had a place, Logan had a place, Roman had a place, and even Virgil as scary as he had once been… had a place where he would be accepted by Thomas. Deceit… Deception… Self Preservation… did not have a place in that mold. Patton hated him, Virgil hated him, Logan tolerated him, and Roman only entertained the notion of his existence. It had never been so simple than it had been now, they could all be one big happy family. 

Without him that was. 

“You can’t do that,” Virgil’s horrifyingly shaken voice snapped him out of his own thoughts. “You can’t!” 

Blinking innocently back up at Virgil, Deceit merely cocked his head to the side like a curious puppy. “Oh?” He hummed the word out as he stretched lazily out on the couch his joints cracking as he did. Who knew that being retired was already so good for him. “And why not? That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? A life without me. Me to never exist around you. For me to simply never show up and ruin everything that you have with the new family that you worked so hard for. Isn’t that what you wanted?” Each word came out harsher and harsher without him ever really meaning to, he didn’t even have to sit up to see the emotions unfolding over Virgil’s face, and he didn’t have to sit up to not give a damn about those very same feelings either. 

In front of him, Virgil was trembling like a newborn lamb caught out in a snowstorm.

They both knew what this meant.  

For a moment, Deceit tore his eyes from the tv that he was watching. “Hey Thomas,” The dishonest side grinned sharply as he glanced back over to Virgil, in what felt like the ultimate dick move towards the person he had once held so much love towards. Towards the person who had left the moment that it became apparent that he could be accepted if he left Deceit and Remus behind. The person who had abandoned him, after they swore to stick together. He didn’t feel an ounce of guilt, he didn’t. “How are you feeling right now?” 

Thomas’ mouth opened, before he abruptly snapped it shut with a resounding click. A combination of fear and just plain sadness all over his face as he tugged at the end of his shirt as he attempted to put his words into a coherent sentence now that Deceit had actually brought up how he legitimately felt.

“I…” Their host swallowed thickly, heat burning his eyes as he hastily blinked. Deceit, Virgil, and his home blurring in front of him. “I hate myself, I hate myself for feeling things that I shouldn’t, for thinking things, and for not liking my friends as much as I should especially given how long I’ve been their friend. Sometimes I want to sleep and never wake up, and sometimes I just want to take a shower and never get out. It varies from day to day, but overall… I feel like a garbage person.” Within a second Thomas’ hand slapped over his mouth as a look of sheer terror colored his face, it was a look that told Deceit… Thomas was just figuring out that not only would he not be able to lie… but so long as Deceit remained ‘retired’ he wouldn’t be lying about anything any time soon. 

Deceit felt nothing but pure exhaustion clawing at his very bones, as he mockingly smiled back up at Virgil. Not being used was already starting to affect him out in the real world, had he stayed in Thomas’ head.. or just in his room, he would have been fine. But here… in the real world where Thomas could see him, touch him, but not.. feel him. It was a serious drain to his energy, he could already feel the struggle of keeping his eyelids open coupled with the strong urge to just yawn and curl up for a nap. 

“So you see,” He beat the current of exhaustion down, as he leaned his head back against the couch cushion looking completely at ease as he closed his eyes. “You’ve finally gotten what you want Virgil, right?” 

He didn’t have to look to see that Virgil was shaking his head, and that Virgil’s trembling hadn’t only not stopped… but had gotten so much worse from where it had been a few minutes ago. A trembling that was only matched by Thomas, as their host unsteadily sat down, his head resting in his hands as the feelings he had been keeping from himself washed over him like a tidal wave. 

Destroying anything and everything in their path. 

“No,” The anxious side choked out looming over the dishonest side as he did. “This isn’t what I wanted! This isn’t what I wanted at all.” He snarled, seizing the front of Deceit’s shirt shaking him roughly as he did. “You know very well that this isn’t what I wanted, so go back! Go back right now, and.. and I won’t tell the others about this!” His white-knuckled grip on Deceit’s shirt only tightened as he stared back into Deceit’s unyielding and uncaring gaze. He didn’t want to admit it, but… just the sheer emotionlessness in the other side’s eyes scared him, Deceit had only been someone who felt things fiercely, someone who wouldn’t give up no matter what… He had tried for years before Virgil had left, to try and get him as well as the others to be accepted. He had never given up on trying for all of them. 

And yet here he was… giving up on everything. 

“You thought it would be different didn’t you?” Deceit’s cold hand pried Virgil’s away from his shirt, “You thought that you could just stay angry at me for something that was your choice… that you could just unload all of your anger on me and I would just do what? Take it?” Deceit’s voice was a cool calm kind of angry as he fiercely stared back, “You thought that I’d always be around, but never in your way of getting what you want?” He hissed, that cold anger soon evolving, the truth spilling free no matter how much Virgil didn’t want to hear it. “So tell me, Virgil… why would I stick around for someone who has done nothing but lie about me… and hurt me? Why would I continue to care for you? You got what you wanted, you just didn’t like the price that it came with.” Roughly poking Virgil’s chest he forced the other side out of his face. “So deal with it.” 

With that being said, Deceit seized the bag of potato chips and the remote that was laying on the cushion next to him. It didn’t take much effort at all for him to return his gaze back to the show that he had once been watching, while ignoring the shaking side in front of him. 

“You all wanted a life without lies, right? Well, Halle- fucking -lujah to all of you.”

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Magnolia

I don’t know much about Magnolia or Paul Thomas Anderson, but I do know that it takes someone paying me to get me to watch a 3-hr+ drama that doesn’t star Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, and a really big boat. This is one of my mom’s favorite movies which is why she requested it for me to review. It’s packed with a balls-to-the-wall star-studded cast (Tom Cruise! Julianne Moore! Phillip Seymour Hoffman! John C. Reilly! William H. Macy! Felicity Huffman!) and I’m genuinely excited to see how they all fit together. Cause they have to all fit together in some coherent way, right? Well...

Do you remember in Sorry to Bother You when the Equisapiens came out and things just took like...a real turn? That’s kind of what this was like. Whereas StBY pushed a thought to its most extreme, but logical, conclusion, what Paul Thomas Anderson has done here feels like a magician doing a lot of impressive illusions - sawing a lady in half, making a motorcycle disappear, pulling smaller things out of bigger things - and then for his final trick, walking onstage amidst a grand plume of smoke, dropping his pants, taking a gigantic shit, and then saying, “You’ve been a great audience, thanks a lot and goodnight!” It’s not like you can say the experience was BAD. Everything up to the finale was a really great time! But when you’re left on a note that is that bafflingly odd, it kinda colors the way you’ll remember the whole thing.

Magnolia is the story of one long day in the life of 12 people living in Los Angeles who are all connected via an extensive web from acquaintances to married couples to parents and children to paid caregivers and beyond. It’s a day that has the same kind of ups and downs as any other day until it, well, turns into something else entirely. I’m not sure how else to explain it, but if you want to know more, spoilers will be spoiled below.

Some thoughts:

Patton Oswalt cameo! I am a massive fan and thought I knew his whole filmography and OMG how did I not know that he was in this!!

Ok, in spite of my skepticism this entire opening sequence about coincidence had me hooked IMMEDIATELY. Like, this is some damn good storytelling, if this were a novel, I would not be able to put it down - that pull, that’s what it feels like.

Am I the only person whose encyclopedic memory of character actors/roles gets distracted when they see someone from something that is wildly disparate compared to the role you’re currently watching? For example, I had to pause the movie and confirm via IMDB that I did just see Professor Sprout from HP scream “Shut the fuck up!” at her husband while brandishing a shotgun.

Would people really recognize a grown ass man from being a successful child game show contestant? I’ll tell you the answer, no they wouldn’t, because no one realizes that Peter Billingsley (aka Ralphie from A Christmas Story) is the head of the elf production line in Elf.

I knew this was a stacked cast, but holy SHIT this is a stacked cast. If I had $1 for every fantastic character actor I recognize in this, I would have at least $37, and these are people in the film who have maybe 2-3 lines each. It’s a deep bench is what I’m saying.

This makes me miss Phillip Seymour Hoffman so, so very much.

Watching PSH care for and be so compassionate and gentle with his hospice patient, Earl (Jason Robards),makes my heart ache terribly. All of the people who have been unable to perform this kindness, this type of compassionate care for their closest loved ones as they lie dying in isolation of Covid...it’s overwhelming.

OMG I’m counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Very Good Dogs in the old man’s house!

I know Scientology is evil and he’s undeniably a complicated and morally grey person. I know all that. But goddamn I just love watching Tom Cruise COMMIT. Particularly when he commits to just absolute fucking sleazebag slimeballs. And boy oh boy is Frank Mackey an absolute fucking sleazebag slimeball.

Related - I know Frank looks like Tom Cruise, so he could get people to sleep with him no matter what, but I honestly feel like as a human being, this flesh suit is WAY more attractive balding and fat in Tropic Thunder than he is in this shiny brown shirt/leather vest/long hair combo.

I’m getting an uncomfortable vibe about these black characters being written by an artsy white dude, because I don’t know any young black kids who want to hang around with cops and offer up information about who committed a murder in their building. In fact, the way all of the black characters are treated in this film - as liars, criminals, the disingenuous “main stream media,” and thieves - feels rooted in some racist ass bullshit. We see a lot of nuance in our white characters, but even in a film that has, shockingly, more than one key black role, we don’t get that spectrum or nuance.

There is nothing I would love more than to learn that Frank Mackey is 1) gay 2) impotent or 3) both. He’s so disgustingly over-the-top misogynistic, it honestly feels like it should all be a complete act.

I confess I am on the edge of my seat trying to figure out how all these narrative threads tie together. It’s compelling as hell, even though half the time I don’t know why these people are having these long, meandering conversations. The pacing feels so deliberate, like a puzzle coming together. There’s real craftsmanship in how every scene is plotted to feel connected rather than manic or disjointed.

This pharmacist is being unprofessional as hell. Judgy McJudgerson, mind your fucking business, Julianne Moore’s father is dying! [ETA: ope, that’s embarrassing, Earl is actually her husband.]

NO THE DOG IS EATING THE PILLS OH NO VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE DOG.

I think I knew this, but this soundtrack is fantastic. All Aimee Mann and Supertramp, and Jon Brion’s score is this thrumming, anxious thing full of strings that underscore all these nervous conversations, and then it shifts into these low, mournful horns when things start to take a turn and everyone is reaching their lowest points.

I love this interviewer (April Grace) who is taking Frank (Tom Cruise) to task. I think it’s particularly noteworthy that she is a black woman, because the kind of misogyny Frank peddles is rooted in white supremacy.

Stanley (Jeremy Blackman) is breaking my goddamn heart here. I think he and Phil (PSH) are my favorite characters.

Jim (John C Reilly) is the perfect example of how even a cop with the best intentions, with absolute kindness and love is in heart, is abusing his power and sexually harassing a woman he encountered in the line of duty, who is eager to appease him because she doesn’t want to be charged with a crime. This movie reads a LOT differently than it did in 1999.

I normally really love Julianne Moore, but she is a screeching mess in this. I can’t stop staring at her mouth and all the contortions it makes as she delivers every line in hysterics. She’s one of the few weak spots for me here.

Listening to Frank go on his whole diatribe about what society does to little boys to break them and victimize them HAS to be the source of where Keith Raniere got at least half of his NXIVM bullshit. Like, some of these points are word-for-word.

Also if Frank makes as much money as he seems to, there’s no way he would drive a shitty Saturn sedan.

It feels like the common thread of this movie is everyone is terrible and cheats on their spouses, and you should come clean when you get cancer so you can die peacefully. Weird moral, but ok.

If Jim is a cop, how does he not see that this woman he’s interested in (Melora Walters) is coked out of her mind?

Y’know for being a quiz kid, Donnie (William H. Macy) sure is kinda stupid.

I confess I’m not taking many notes throughout this because I’m just kind of sitting breathlessly still watching all these conversations unfold because I am on the edge of my fucking seat to find out how all this is gonna come together.

Secret MVP of this movie is the mom from A Christmas Story (Melinda Dillon) who is giving the performance of her goddamn life as Jimmy Gator’s wife.

Did I Cry? On the surface it appears ridiculous, but when Tom Cruise is having his breakdown at his dying father’s bedside, I admit, that really got me. If you’ve ever been faced with that kind of hysterical, I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening, it feels like the whole world is ending kind of shock and hurt and anger, that’s what the crying looks like.

Are those......frogs?? That landed on Jim’s car? It’s raining fucking frogs???? OK for those of you sensitive to frog harm, this movie is going to take a real hard left turn for you, because I swear that came out of NOWHERE.

Um.

What.

Pray tell.

The fuck.

The climax of this movie - is when literal frogs rain from the sky.

And we finally got resolution about the dog, and the dog DID die, and I’m pissed about it. It’s offscreen but still.

I'm sorry - I know I’m fixating. But how is it possible that I knew about all the characters performing a sing-along to Aimee Mann’s (excellent) song “Wise Up” but I did NOT know that the climax of the film involves literally thousands of frogs falling to their death from the sky? How is that something that escapes entry into the cultural zeitgeist? I’m with it, you guys. I have been Very Online for over a decade, and before that, I read a lot of Entertainment Weekly, and like it just seems that this is something that pop culture really should have told me.

I think the funniest moment of this movie might be the credits in which I discovered that not only is Luis Guzman playing a man named Luis, he’s actually playing himself. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop laughing about it. That was a 189-minute setup to one dumb punchline.

I think I loved this movie but I don’t quite know. The frog thing really threw me. What I’m taking away from it is that even when it doesn’t feel like it or seem like it, we are all connected to each other, always, in ways we can’t see or know. As Wife astutely pointed out, it’s reminiscent of the pandemic - we’re all in the same storm, but we each have our own boats and our own experiences within that storm. And it’s kind of nice to remember that right now, that connection still exists even when it feels so far away. Just not if you’re a frog I guess, cause they really got the short end of the stick here.

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[ponett]

Welp... it’s over. After nine years, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is over. I just got done watching the series finale with Anthony and, just like I knew I would, when the credits rolled, I cried my eyes out

I should probably say something, huh. I’ve been sharing thoughts like this mostly on Twitter lately, but I started using Tumblr to blog about MLP, so I don’t think it would be right to post this anywhere else

I have a complicated relationship with MLP:FiM. It’s a show that got really hit or miss after the second season, and it has a fandom so toxic and so full of edgy libertarians that it scared me off from formally participating in fandoms for the rest of my life. But it’s also probably my favorite TV show of all time. There are other shows that are much better written, that have more to say, that are more consistent, even including several other cartoons from the same decade. But I think I’d be lying to myself if I said it wasn’t my favorite show

No other piece of media has had as massive of an impact on my life as My Little Pony

I grew closer to some of my closest high school friends because of our shared enthusiasm for the show. I started PonyPokey with Jake and Derek and made a bunch of bad videos and got invited to be on a wildly disorganized BronyCon panel with Jenny Nicholson in 2012. (We went on stage immediately after Lauren Faust’s panel. I barely said a word due to stage fright.)

After years of being too afraid to share my art online, I started putting more effort into learning digital art so that I could draw ponies. It started out rough, but with the drive to improve, I quickly got better. I started Fluttershy Replies. For the first time, I had an audience. I had people who cared about my work and supported me. Even as times have changed, many of you have been following me since way back then

Around the time I came out as bi in 2012, I got really into MLP shipping. Writing sappy comics and drawing sappy art became an outlet for my years of pent up feelings, and helped me sort out a lot of stuff. My Little Pony also completely changed the views on femininity that had been beaten into my skull since childhood. Suddenly, it wasn’t this strange, alien thing to be afraid of. MLP, at its heart, is a show about how there’s no wrong way to be a girl. That’s an incredibly powerful message. Rarity wasn’t a vapid snob. Fluttershy wasn’t a background character who got made into the butt of the joke. Pinkie wasn’t a ditz. These were characters written to be empathized with. And writing about my own feelings from the perspective of Fluttershy felt... right. It took me a few years to fully process those feelings, but eventually, I realized the truth. I was a trans woman. And a cartoon about horses was the first step on my path to realizing this

In 2013, one of the roughest years of my life, I decided to download RPG Maker on a whim to give myself a distraction. Naturally, my first instinct was to make a game where Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash kiss. What was initially supposed to be a short, Fantastic Game-esque playground of silly little jokes spiraled out of control and became Super Lesbian Horse RPG, a game that I poured my heart and soul into over the course of a year. And then, a couple years later, my desire to preserve the ideas from my copyright-infringing fangame also spiraled out of control, as all my creative projects do, and became SLHRPG’s successor: Super Lesbian Animal RPG. SLARPG isn’t really a reskinned MLP fangame anymore--it’s more like a new game inspired in part by my old project. The story has been drastically rewritten, the characters changed, the levels and gameplay redesigned. Most of the cast of the new game wasn’t in the original project in any form. There’s much, much, much, much, much more new content than old left in the game. And the original game had already strayed so far from the canon anyway. But I’m also not sure it would exist without MLP

I made a bunch of friends online, including close friends I still have to this day. I met the people like Bee and Thomas who I’m still working with on SLARPG. Most importantly, because we both blogged about MLP and had some mutual friends, I met Anthony, the love of my life. We’ve been together for five years now and supported each other through good times and bad. This is the lamest, corniest, stupidest thing I will ever say in my life, but he’s the Rainbow Dash to my Fluttershy

...

So what about the finale itself? (spoilers, obviously)

I have... mixed feelings on the finale. There were some things that really annoyed me in there. But also, like I said, I cried, so I think it’s safe to say they did good overall

I think the thing that stuck in my craw the most was Discord. Which I guess shouldn’t be surprising. I’ve been saying for years now how I hate Discord, how he spits in the face of everything the show stands for. He’s an obnoxious elderly manchild who constantly causes problems on purpose and torments his so-called friends the second they stop paying attention to him. But they have to put up with him and give him infinite second chances, because he’s a god and Celestia said they had to reform him

The overarching plot of the final season is that Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra, Tirek, and Cozy Glow (a Darla Dimple-esque filly villain from season 8) had teamed up with Grogar, a “new” villain taken from G1. While this goes on in the background, Twilight is making her preparations to become Celestia’s successor, as we’d known would be her destiny since the day she got wings six years ago. The villain team-up stuff was genuinely fun, and a highlight of the season for me. But then, in the three-part finale, it’s revealed that Grogar was actually Discord in disguise, and that he’d been intentionally trying to orchestrate a big attack on Twilight’s coronation so that she and her friends could save the day and get a big confidence boost going into her reign as princess. This is like... one of the most bafflingly stupid plot twist of all time. It’s literally the end of the show, and Discord has learned nothing. He’s “nice” now, but he’s still intentionally causing huge problems and putting everyone’s lives in danger to solve his problems. He freed four different villains they’d already defeated just so Twilight could beat them again, and in the process they literally blew up the goddamn castle in Canterlot and nearly killed everyone. And yet... they still forgive him, because they have to

I did, however, think that the last two-part adventure episode was fun overall. It tied a nice bow on much of the series, bringing back a bunch of old friends (including cameos from the movie cast!) to band together and save the day. Of course, in the end, they beat the bad guys with a big rainbow laser and sealed them in a statue. You know, even though a previous season finale was all about how solving their problems with a friendship laser and sealing the villains away never worked. Also, Cozy Glow might be evil, but she’s still literally a child? And now her petrified body is on display in the center of Canterlot? What the fuck????

I’m complaining a lot, but again. It was fun overall. It was nice to have one last big adventure, and to have the mane six reflect on how they’d grown since Twilight moved to Ponyville

...

And then we got the actual final episode. And boy did this one hit me HARD

I’m so glad that they ended on a quieter episode about the main cast’s friendships, because that’s what the show is actually about. The two-part adventures to save Equestria every season are fun, but that’s not the real show. We all came back every week for Twilight and her friends

There are things I can complain about here, too. Spike being a buff adult dragon with the voice of a child is fucked up. I’m still not used to seeing Twilight be Celestia’s size. But more than anything, I was always worried that we’d get a Harry Potter ending, where all the characters are paired off into arbitrary marriages so they can all have kids. Thankfully, this didn’t really happen. The only one who had a kid was Pinkie, who apparently got married to Cheese Sandwich (Weird Al’s character) at some point. Like, they literally shared two episodes together, with no hint of romance? But then they got married and had a kid off-screen??? What the fuck???? A lot of people also think that Fluttershy ended up with Discord, and I know I’m massively biased against that ship, but... I mean, they teased the FlutterCord shippers, but there wasn’t really any actual textual evidence that they were any closer than they had been previously. Y’all weirdos who ship Fluttershy with an obnoxious elderly man can interpret that as being “canon” if you want, I guess, but it’s not

The other relationship that shocked everyone in the finale was Applejack and Rainbow Dash, who... appear to be a couple? It’s definitely hinted at. I have... very, very mixed feelings about this. I mean, okay, obivously I’m the big FlutterDash fangirl. But I think AppleDash is cute, too! The problem is that, like... they’ve barely interacted in years? Like, they had a lot of episodes together in the first two seasons, but then the writers barely ever had them interact past that point. I can’t even remember when the last time we got an actual episode focusing on them was. And no, the one where Rainbow takes Granny Smith to pony Vegas doesn’t count

Like... yeah, it’s cute. It’s a nice gesture. Lyra and Bon Bon getting married in the background was also cute. But we can do so, so much better in 2019. We have so many explicitly canon lesbian couples in cartoons. Couples that actually kissed, or got married, or showed feelings for each other. Rainbow and AJ barely even fucking talked to each other in the final few seasons. I dunno, it just feels very hollow to me. Even the Equestria Girls crew admitting they were pushing RariJack felt more substantial to me, because at least they were given on-screen chemistry and lots of canon interaction

But in the end, complaints aside, the finale was about Twilight moving back to Canterlot, and worrying that her friendships would fade because of it. Honestly, I think this is what the finale of the show always would’ve been. It was the perfect story to end on. And boy, it hit really close to home

And then the last song happens, reflecting on how things have changed, but how they’re all still friends. And we see all the other friends they made along the way. And the camera zooms out, and the book from the opening of the very first episode closes, bringing the entire nine-year saga full circle

And then I started sobbing really hard in Anthony’s arms

...

I dunno. I just got done nitpicking a lot, but I still think that the last episode was a good and very emotional ending for the show

I’m going to miss this show dearly. I know it will be back in a new form, and that the leaks indicate that it’ll still star slightly different versions of the Mane Six. I’m also used to shows like this getting rebooted. Hasbro cartoons are honestly lucky to last past three seasons. FiM, on the other hand, got over 200 episodes, a theatrical film, a few specials, some shorts, a bunch of comics (which I still need to read), and a spinoff human AU series that was also really great. There’s no shortage of content, and I’m sure I’ll be returning to the series for years to come. I’m also glad that the show managed to go out on a high note

But still. It was a constant presence in my life for nearly nine years. Even as the quality got really hit or miss, even as they took the premise in strange directions, even as the crew of the show grew more and more dominated by men, it was still a show I could rely on to always be there, 26 episodes a year. I’ll miss it. I hope what comes next is just as good, if not even better. I also hope it’s gayer

I was going to end my ask blog, Fluttershy Replies, around the time the show ended. I’m not sure if I’ll do that just yet. I don’t know. I think that might be a bit much for me to process emotionally. Too many doors closing in my life in quick succession. But I do want to do more with it. These characters will be special to me for the rest of my life

I mean shit, I haven’t even drawn StarTrix yet. I’ve still got a lot of work to do with these horses, folks

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #15 (1980)

If the story so far had revealed that Cerebus has a vagina, I could make a hentai joke here.

The first time I encountered hentai was at an anime convention at a Red Lion Inn in San Jose in 1994 or 1995. I went to the convention by myself because I had recently fallen in love with the cartoon Sailor Moon and wanted to get some Sailor Moon LaserDiscs unless it was actually Sailor Moon dolls I wanted. It was so long ago, how am I supposed to remember?! They had a room where they were showing movies and one of the movies I watched was Sailor Moon R: The Movie. It was subtitled which was great because then I had the story memorized for all the times I watched my non-subtitled LaserDisc. But that wasn't the pornographic anime I saw! I don't even remember what that was but I watched some tentacle fucking movie late at night in a dark room with a bunch of other sweaty nerds. I didn't know that was what was going to happen though so I didn't have my dick in my hands like the other guys probably did. I was as shocked as anybody when they first find out that cartoons where women get fucked by tentacles exist! I mean, how many penises does an alien need?! I grew up thinking the little gray aliens had zero! That Red Lion Inn was the same one where I played in a couple of Magic the Gathering tournaments. Being in a dark room with a bunch of horny anime fans was less awkward and uncomfortable than playing Magic the Gathering against Magic the Gathering fans. Most of them probably couldn't believe they were actually playing against such a cool and handsome dude. It really threw them off their game when I would say things like, "Yeah, I've touched a couple of boobs. I attack with my Serra Angel." I know what you're thinking: "Anime, comic books, and Magic the Gathering?! This awesome dude must have owned every single Stars Wars figure too!" Aw, you're too kind! I'm blushing! But obviously I never owned Yak Face. "A Note from the Publisher" is still being published so I guess Dave and Deni are still married. In his Swords of Cerebus essay, Dave Sim discusses "Why Groucho?" It seems to mostly come down to this: Dave Sim enjoyed the characters of Groucho Marx as a teenager and memorized a lot of their lines. He also mentions Kim Thompson's review of Cerebus in The Comic Journal (the first major review of the series) in which Kim praised Sim's ability to make his parody characters transcend the parody to become unique creations of their own. This review gave Sim the confidence to put Groucho in the role of Lord Julius. Which worked out so well that Sim later adds Oscar Wilde, Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Margeret Thatcher, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Woody Allen, Dave Sim, and the Three Stooges into the story. I'm sure I'm missing some but I can't remember every aspect of this 6000 page story. Was The Judge also a parody of somebody? Was the Regency Elf based on Wendy Pini? I don't know! I'm sure I'm missing a lot of references in Cerebus simply because I haven't experienced all the same knowledge sources as Dave Sim. Just like I'm missing a super duper lot of references in Gravity's Rainbow because nobody in the history of ever has experienced all the same knowledge sources as Thomas Pynchon. I've been reading Gravity's Rainbow (for the first time but also the third time because I'm basically reading it three times at the same time. You'll understand when you read it) and I'm surprised by how funny it is. I don't think anybody ever described it as funny or else I'm sure I would never have stopped reading it multiple times prior to this time when I'm actually going to finish it. Although I suppose when I read Catch-22, I had done so on my own so nobody ever told me how funny that book was either. But for some reason, Catch-22 lets you know it's going to be a funny book pretty quickly. Gravity's Rainbow is all, "Here is a description of an evacuation of London which is just stage setting because, you know, the bombs have already blown up, but it makes people feel safe. And after that, how about a scene where this guy makes a bunch of banana recipes for breakfast. Is that funny enough for you?" Oh, sure, there are some funny moments like when that one guy pretends a banana is his cock and then some other guys tackle him and beat him with his own pretend cock. But there's a gravity to the scene that doesn't lend itself to the reader thinking, "Oh, this is a funny book!" But if you make it far enough, you start realizing, "Hey! I'm not understanding this!" So then you reread the section and you start realizing, "Hey! I'm laughing at this stuff! This is pretty funny!" Plus there are a lot of descriptions of sexy things that I'm assuming are really accurate because Pynchon is obsessed with details.

Anyway, I was supposed to be talking about Cerebus, wasn't I?

A Living Priest of Tarim crashes Lord Julius' bath to scold him about a party Julius is giving in a fortnight (which is the amount of time your kid has lost to a video game). I don't know why the priest has to declare he's a living priest. You can tell that by the way he's shouting and foaming at the mouth. Although this is a Swords & Sorcery book so I suppose there are many dead creatures that also shout and foam at the mouth. Sometimes I forget I'm reading a fictional book and wind up ranting and raving about stuff that I'm supposed to just assume is fine. Like when I read The Flash and nothing in it makes any sense at all because The Flash should never have any trouble stopping crime or saving people from natural disasters. The comic book should be over in two pages. Even the writers, at some point, realized how ridiculous Flash stories were and decided the only way to make them believable was to have The Flash battle other super fast people. But that just meant Flash stories basically became bar-room brawls. Two people with super speed fighting is the same as reading a story about two people without super speed fighting. Boring! Some writers even decided that maybe a telepathic monkey would make things more interesting and I suppose telepathic monkeys make everything more interesting so kudos to them. I was going to go on a long rant about telepathic monkeys but then I realized how much I love the idea of telepathic monkeys so why should I create an argument against them? More telepathic monkeys, please.

This made me laugh out loud. Not as much as the chapter in Gravity's Rainbow where the old woman forces Slothrop to eat a bunch of terrible candies. But then it isn't a competition, is it? I mean, I guess it's a competition for my time which is why I haven't written a comic book review in a week or more. Blame Thomas Pynchon for being so entertaining (and also Apex).

Baskin, the Minister for Executive Planning, has come to let Lord Julius know what the revolutionaries have revealed while being tortured. The only bit of useful information was one prisoner's last words: "Revolution...the pits." Cerebus immediately assumes "the Pits" is a location and not a summation of the prisoner's feelings about revolution which led to torture which led to his death. Cerebus, being the Kitchen Staff Supervisor, begins an investigation into The Pits. His first step: threatening the Priest of the Living Tarim. Which makes me realize I transposed the word "living" in the previous encounter with the priest and went on a digression that makes no sense to anybody who has read and somehow remembers that particular panel. I'm sure they were scoffing and snorting and exclaiming to their pet rat, "What a stupid fool loser this Grunion Guy is! Living Priest of Tarim! HA! Ridiculous! What a moronic mistake! He has made a gigantic fool of himself!" I don't know that the almost certainly imaginary people who called me on my mistake as they read this have a pet rat but I do know there almost certainly isn't another imaginary sentient being in the room with them. Cerebus learns that The Pits are Old Palnu that lies under current Palnu. It was destroyed in a massive earthquake long ago and the new city built over the top of it. It's like a Dungeons & Dragons module but with a lot less treasure.

This scene reminded me that I need to finish rereading The Boomer Bible: A Testament for Our Times (which is what it was called in the 90s but is just as accurate for today).

Cerebus and Lord Julius engage in another typical misunderstanding (it's not hard when only half of the people in the conversation care about making sense) which ends up with Lord Julius deciding that the location for the Festival of Petunias will be The Pits. This complicates Cerebus' job of not allowing Lord Julius to be assassinated because the assassins are most likely housed in The Pits (along with their giant snakes (*see cover)). Lord Julius, Baskin, and Cerebus descend into The Pits to find a suitable location for the Festival of Petunias. In doing so, they wind up in a trap and confronted by a masked revolutionary of the "Eye of the Pyramid." Which is odd because you usually have to murder at least a dozen kobolds and several goblins before you reach the room with the boss in it.

Typical unbalanced beginning level module. A giant snake as the first encounter!

Cerebus manages to defeat the giant snake by crashing it headfirst into a wall. The wall winds up being a key support structure and the roof collapses. Everybody makes it out alive but the masked revolutionary evades capture. He will be back next issue to ruin the Festival of Petunias. Aardvark Comment is still just a mostly standard comic book letters page. I'll probably stop discussing it until people start criticizing Dave. Right now it's just "This comic book is great!" and "Keep writing, Dave, and I'll never think ill of anything idea you espouse!" while Dave replies, "I owe my fans everything! I can't wait until I can stop feeling that way and start jerking off onto my art boards and selling those as pages of Cerebus!" Cerebus #15 Rating: A. Good story, good Lord Julius dialogue, good Living Priest of the Living Tarim scenes. I wholeheartedly endorse this comic book and Dave Sim. No way a guy with a sense of humor like this is going to go off the rails, right?!

[moodyvalentinestories]

A Holly Jolly Christ-Mess. Part 12. | Rachel x Hunt

12: Quite Convincing

“Holidays are joyful, there’s always something new...” – Merry Christmas, Darling (Carpenters)

Summary: Thomas somehow ends up in the middle of a Fields Family Celebration. And things are going... uh... great. Mhm. Totally.

Pairing: Thomas Hunt x Rachel Fields

Words: ~ 1,400 words

Notes: We’re going for a bit more of Thomas’ POV again because reasons. Shh. You’ll get it in a couple of parts. Maybe. If I do a decent job, anyway.

❥ Moodyvalentine’s Masterlist ❥ Christmas Series Masterlist

Shortly after Rachel had left to meet her family, Thomas had made his way to his favourite screening room on campus to get started on watching the atrocities his students called short films. He took a pouch full of flash drives out of his bag, reaching inside to pull one out at random. It didn’t have a name written on it – though he’d specifically asked them to do just that – and he didn’t find out whose film it was until the credits rolled. He was tempted to give them an F just for that, but decided that it had, in fact, been almost acceptable so he graded it fairly, simply subtracting some points for their inability to follow instructions.

He’d just started watching the second film when his phone vibrated – a text from Rachel.

This is hell.

He furrowed his brows, unsure if she was serious or joking. This was why he preferred to speak to people instead of text them.

Do you need me to pick you up? – T.

She didn’t reply immediately so he focussed his attention on Mr Sergio’s project again. It only took a few seconds until Thomas was ready to smash his head into a wall. He was glad when the vibration of his phone announced another text – and, therefore, a distraction.

No. But I wish I was with you instead.

He smiled. He, too, would have much rather spent time with her than watch ‘Sleeping Spark – a fabulous Lance original’. But, alas, that wasn’t possible at the moment.

You will be. Tomorrow. – T.

His thumb hovered over the play button, but he didn’t even have the time to press it before the next message arrived.

You should come.

A sigh escaped him. He would have loved that, really, he would have.

You know I can’t. – T.

This time, he actually managed to watch a few more minutes – though, truly, he would have much rather lobotomised himself – before his phone went off again.

My mother’s trying to get me to come back home.

His heart stopped for a moment. Of course, Rachel was just trying to get her way. But what if…? The next text came almost immediately.

She can be quite convincing.

If she was anything like her daughter, Thomas didn’t doubt it. He stopped the film, his focus shot anyway.

Stop that. – T.

He could almost imagine her grin when she typed her next message.

I don’t know, she’s making a pretty good case.

The next message was simply her live location. With a sigh, he turned everything off, and made his way to his car. A terrible idea, no doubt. But she was in public, in the same city he lived in. Granted, it was a large city, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t run into each other accidentally. Lord knew it had happened often enough before.

He spent the entire drive trying to rationalise his decision, though he knew full well that there was no rational explanation for why he was on his way to her now.

It didn’t take long until he was there – though it did take quite a bit of time until he found a parking spot. Once he finally did, he checked his phone again. Rachel – and her family, he reminded himself – was less than a two-minute walk away, according to his phone. He sent her another message before getting out of his car.

I’m here. – T.

He put his phone in his pocket, confident he’d find her without directions, and began looking for her. He walked past dozens of stalls selling all kinds of Christmas-themed – and some… not Christmas-themed – knick-knacks before he found one offering a variety of hot beverages. Hadn’t she said something about not surviving this day without mulled wine? Surely, she had to be—

“Professor Hunt!”

She sounded genuinely surprised and Thomas smiled to himself, making a mental note to watch her film next to see if she could apply those acting skills to his assignment as well, before he turned around. She and three others – her family, he assumed – were standing around a bar table. They looked rather strange together, he found.

The woman next to Rachel looked just like her – or, well, the other way around – except she was, of course, quite a bit older. She was also a little smaller in height, and perhaps it was that – or her age – that made her look a bit chubbier. That, however, was as far as family resemblance went between any of them.

The older man stuck out the most, tall and bulky, towering over the rest of them. The younger man was the opposite – though still a bit taller than Rachel, he was also very lanky and, if Thomas had been one to judge people by appearances, he would have said he looked like he preferred to spend his time behind a computer rather than out in the real world.

“Miss Fields,” he said as he approached them, his usual emotionless expression on his face. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

She shrugged and struggled to hold back a grin. “Well, it is Christmas… almost, anyway. I had to show my family around a bit, didn’t I?” Her father opened his mouth to say something, but just then, she continued. “Everyone, this is Professor Hunt.” She turned to her father specifically and stressed, “Thomas Hunt.”

His eyes widened, and he immediately went to shake Thomas’ hand. “Richard Fields, Rachel’s father. It’s such an honour to meet you, Mr Hunt.”

Thomas saw Rachel roll her eyes at that. He’d have to ask her why later, but for now, he was busy being greeted by the rest of her family. The other two weren’t quite as enthusiastic, but certainly not impolite.

He stayed for a little while, making small talk with the parents of the woman he loved, who weren’t supposed to find out he was in love with their daughter. It wasn’t quite as awkward as he thought it would be, and they turned out to be rather pleasant. Of course, he wasn’t going to judge their character based on a short conversation only. He trusted Rachel’s assessment of them and remained wary throughout their interactions.

“Well, I should be on my way,” he said after a while, noticing but choosing to ignore Rachel’s pleading eyes. Staying any longer was certainly not a good idea. Surely, she would understand.

It wasn’t her that spoke up, though. Her father did. “What a shame. I was hoping you could stay for a drink.”

“I was just going to get us all a refill,” her mother chimed in after a moment’s hesitation.

He sighed, and looked over at Rachel, who only shrugged. She was giving him a choice. Her family, though, not so much. “Very well. I suppose I can stay a little longer.”

“Wonderful,” Mrs Fields said and clapped her hands together. “I’m not sure I can carry five mugs, though…”

She looked at Thomas, who immediately offered his help, not thinking too much of it. He didn’t see Rachel’s shocked expression when he did.

“No, I should go with him,” Rachel immediately protested. She shot a glare in her father’s direction, “My money’s got to be good for something, right?”

Her mother shot her down immediately. “I’m going to get us a refill. Mr Hunt will join me. Right?”

“Of course,” he reiterated before following her to the stall. He heard Rachel mutter something under her breath though he didn’t understand what she was saying.

Mrs Fields and Thomas walked in uncomfortable silence for a moment. Eventually, he got a bit too uncomfortable, and tried to start a conversation. “You have a very talented daughter.”

“And a very stupid one,” she said, taking him by surprise.

He raised an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t say that. She doesn’t seem—”

“She obviously has a massive crush on you.”

He stopped in his tracks. Shit. “Excuse me?”

“If I can be honest, it’s why I asked you to come with me. To warn you. She can be… quite convincing if she wants to be. I would hope you wouldn’t fall for her charms.”

Thomas coughed. “I don’t believe that is the case but… I will be careful not to lead her on. Thank you, Mrs Fields.”

“Oh,” she said, turning to him to study his face for a moment. “I should have realised. You’re already sleeping with her.”

Tags: @lilyofchoices​ @trappedinfandoms​ @flyawayboo​ @alleksa16​ @silversparrow02​ @hopelessromantic1352​ @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​ @oneemofungirl​

Feel free to let me know if you’d ever like to be added to/removed from my taglist!

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #130

Fri Jul 26 2019

[07:17 PM] Bocaj: I wish that the frightful Four kept losing their female members so the writers would have to keep introducing more female villains [07:18 PM] Wack'd: Ehhh it would inevitably be because they turn face though [07:18 PM] maxwellelvis: Well, I think Thundra's more of a wild card, but [07:18 PM] Bocaj: Maybe they go independent because they realize the others are dinks? [07:18 PM] maxwellelvis: fair enough [07:18 PM] Wack'd: It'd be nice! [07:18 PM] Wack'd: But we've only just now hit the point where folks are thinking "hey, maybe female honorific shouldn't be defined entirely by marital status", so

[07:20 PM] Wack'd: So it turns out Thundra's fascination with Ben wasn't some weird sex thing after all--but it is now!

[07:20 PM] Bocaj: Dammit [07:20 PM] maxwellelvis: He's got kavorka, that rockmonsterman [07:21 PM] Wack'd: Flint tries to murder Ben to keep Thundra from turning face and Thundra stops him, claiming that her sole mission here was to humble and humiliate Ben [07:21 PM] Wack'd: So maybe it was a little bit a weird sex thing [07:22 PM] Bocaj: Thundra tops [07:25 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Wizard decides that with Johnny and Ben down their next task is to destroy the Baxter Building [07:25 PM] Wack'd: I'm sure Collins is gonna be thrilled [07:26 PM] Wack'd: Meanwhile--Johnny! [07:27 PM] Wack'd: Turns out Black Bolt hasn't turned evil, he just wanted to get a word in with Johnny before he saw Crystal, and thought this was the only way to do it [07:27 PM] Wack'd: Johnny...reacts about as well as you'd expect [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Well okay he reacts better than you'd expect. He doesn't threaten genocide this time. [07:28 PM] Wack'd: He just leads the guards on a goose chase [07:29 PM] Wack'd: Intra-issue cliffhanger! Whatever is going on here we're not gonna find out until next issue. Which is lovely because I was planning on taking a break after this. Ah well.

[07:30 PM] Bocaj: Why is crystal still wearing her ff duds? [07:30 PM] Wack'd: Nostalgia? [07:31 PM] Wack'd: Inhuman cosplay contest? [07:31 PM] Wack'd: Budget cuts? [07:31 PM] maxwellelvis: Lost her old costume two Inhuman home bases ago? [07:31 PM] Wack'd: Back to Reed! Who can't focus on his work with all of the drama going on. He hears someone at the door and rushes to get it, hoping Sue or Johnny has returned so he can make amends. [07:32 PM] Wack'd: Reed: Sandman! I should've known! [07:32 PM] Wack'd: Flint: You should've known? That's what you always say--after I catch you flat-footed! [07:33 PM] Wack'd: Reed is incapacitated. Flint wants to know why they don't just murder 'em--turns out Thundra "holds no truck with ungallantry towards the weaker sex." [07:35 PM] Wack'd: So the Frightful Four make their way into Reed's lab to loot it

[07:36 PM] Wack'd: One of Reed's laser cannons goes off on its own, causing the team to presume betrayal--but nope! [07:36 PM] Wack'd: Sue gets some footprints in Pete's paste and is forced to reveal herself. [07:37 PM] Wack'd:

[07:38 PM] Wack'd: Unfortunately, Sue proves to be too much for them, so Wizard takes the low road and threatens Franklin to force a surrender [07:39 PM] Wack'd: OH SHIT HERE WE GO

[07:39 PM] Wack'd: MIRACLE BABY [07:39 PM] Wack'd: (Why didn't you free your mom, kid?) [07:41 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Wizard panics and forgets the Thundra-inflicted "no killing men" rule [07:42 PM] Wack'd: And gets his ass handed to him by Thundra [07:42 PM] Wack'd: Before he can kill Ben [07:42 PM] Bocaj: Good [07:43 PM] Wack'd: Ben frees Reed, Reed frees Sue, Sue frees Medusa. Four on four. Let's do this.

[07:44 PM] Bocaj: The Fantastic Four minus one of the jerks in it plus a Queen [07:45 PM] maxwellelvis: !!!!!!!!!!11 [07:45 PM] maxwellelvis: I think I know what the "End of the Four" they're talking about is. [07:45 PM] Wack'd: I fucking love that Sue's main strategy at this point is inflicting body horror on people

[07:46 PM] maxwellelvis: Sure is lucky Sandman is intensely stupid. [07:47 PM] Wack'd: This has fairly reliably worked on the other villains and even her own family members! [07:47 PM] maxwellelvis: Yeah, but I'm pretty sure they're just weirded out and don't think she's actually disintegrating them like Sandman is. [07:47 PM] Wack'd: Fair [07:47 PM] Wack'd: Reed and Sue get into an argument about whether Sue should be fighting or getting Franklin out of here [07:48 PM] Wack'd: Sue's like "I can do both, Franklin's in a force field" and Reed is like *doesn't say anything because the Wizard ambushes him* [07:49 PM] Wack'd: I'm not sure if Thundra's "applying female stereotypes to men" shtick is good praxis but I'm finding it very amusing

[07:51 PM] Wack'd: Thundra decides to cut it short, fells Ben with a knee to the solar plexus, and engineers an escape for the rest of the Frightfuls in case she needs them later [07:51 PM] Bocaj: Hah [07:52 PM] Wack'd: Medusa's like "hey we kicked some real ass" and Reed's like "maybe we would've done better if Sue had listened to me" [07:52 PM] Wack'd: And then-- [07:53 PM] Wack'd: I'm assuming max guessed right

[07:54 PM] maxwellelvis: Yup [07:54 PM] Wack'd: Well dammit, now I have to keep reading, because I'm intrigued! [07:54 PM] maxwellelvis: I think this is like, the first time Reed and Sue are separated like this. [07:55 PM] Wack'd: I'm really hoping this sparks some real development from Reed, at least short-term [07:55 PM] maxwellelvis: Granted I think your thing was going to happen after Valeria was born, but still... [07:55 PM] Wack'd: Because he's being a massive dick here [07:56 PM] Wack'd: And, like, it's interesting because. I honestly think that if Thomas had just softened this behavior--written off the sexism as a relic of the 60s, simply moved forward as though Reed weren't a dink--I'd be a lot more generous to him now [07:56 PM] Wack'd: Doubling down is by far the more interesting choice--not as interesting as putting Reed in exile instead of Sue. [07:56 PM] Wack'd: But interesting. [07:57 PM] Wack'd: But what happens next will irrevocably color Reed as a character going forward. And I doubt it will be pretty. [07:57 PM] Wack'd: Yeah [07:58 PM] maxwellelvis: Reed being the one leaving the Baxter Building/4 Freedoms Plaza does have interesting implications of its own. [07:58 PM] Wack'd: There's definitely something to be said about the fact that Sue is like "you didn't think of me as a member of the team or as your wife, only as the mother of your child, so I'm going to stop being a member of the team and your wife and just be the mother of your child." That's incredibly clumsy. [07:59 PM] Wack'd: And makes this feel more like a spite move than a principled stand--which is definitely unintentional. [08:00 PM] maxwellelvis: Suddenly I'm picturing Reed being hounded by paparazzi whenever the news of a separation breaks in your thing. [08:01 PM] maxwellelvis: And then the thought just popped into my head, "Would the Daily Bugle be one of the news outlets trying to get in on that?" [08:01 PM] Wack'd: Depends on the writer [08:02 PM] maxwellelvis: I mean, would you see Jonah doing that? [08:03 PM] Wack'd: So let's go into how Reed deals with this. Firstly he projects--Sue *certainly* isn't the one neglecting Franklin. Just a few issues ago Reed completely missed an appointment to go see him, then sent Sue to retrieve hi on her own when Agatha retired. [08:04 PM] Wack'd: He doubles down. He refuses to engage with her critique of his behavior, or say anything to make this more amicable. In fact, he even stops Sue from trying to soften the blow. [08:04 PM] Wack'd: He frames this entirely as her decision, which is nice on an female agency level but means he's refusing to take any for himself. This is his fault. He needs to admit that. [08:05 PM] Wack'd: And then he decides he's going to continue to power around with her little brother? [08:05 PM] Wack'd: Jeez. [08:06 PM] Wack'd: And in the context of the Thomas run as a whole--I gave him shit for his "greatest hits" routine earlier but I think we definitely needed a reminder of what normalcy looks like before he pulls a move like this. [08:06 PM] maxwellelvis: And this is just like a handful of issues into his run, too [08:07 PM] Wack'd: And even if his plot structure is fairly rote, I have to credit him for pulling in Thundra and Kala--the fact that this is kind of a boy's club is clearly on his mind. [08:08 PM] Wack'd: This is actually closer to the end of his first (short, as all 70s *Four* runs are) run than the beginning [08:08 PM] maxwellelvis: Ahh [08:08 PM] Wack'd: Gerry Conway will be in shortly [08:09 PM] Wack'd: Thomas does come back a few times though, for fairly significant spurts of time [08:09 PM] Wack'd: He'll be in and out until 1977 [08:10 PM] Wack'd: So I guess this is kind of the beginning of an era for him? Just one with lots and lots of guest writers [08:10 PM] Wack'd: Which makes sense, he is also editor in chief. [08:10 PM] maxwellelvis: It's the beginning of an era for the Four, at least. [08:10 PM] Wack'd: I'm very curious to see how long this lasts.

[secretsofthemasquerade]

What the fuck is happening with V5, neonazis, and shits.

So, first, terminology. Everything I am going to be talking about here concerns the company White Wolf Publishing, which is the Swedish company created by Paradox Interactive for when they bought back the IP from CCP. 

This DOES NOT include Onyx Path (with whom I have grievances, but they are mostly a question of taste and some of their business practices I am somewhat disapprove of, but this has nothing to do with them), and their classical authors, whom have nothing to do in the thing. So don’t go about telling Richard Thomas he’s a Nazi asshole okay? They’re clean in this matter and their statement is genuine and honest, and their statement matches their actions and publications. This also does not involve By Night Studios. 

Basically, White Wolf Publishing (new version, the one in Sweden, owned by Paradox) has released a preview for V5 (corebook, which is due in three weeks), and they presented neo-nazis in a way that is controversial to say the least, in the clanspread Brujah for V5, which is in their V5 preview.

Some see it as "wwp trying to make neo nazis play their game", some are saying "lol sjw are being sensitive and ruining everything", some are saying "it's ok to explore dark themes but this is poorly worded and looks like they're glorifying it", and some are all censorship and stuff. 

The spectrum of answers are very wide, with assholes on both sides, and death threats being sent to everyone by everyone. Including OPP people who are completely out of the loop on this one (altho some may argue that since they’re licensing the IP from WWP that makes them a level of complicit/quiet acceptance; that argument can be heard, but I am pragmatic and I understand they don’t want their company and their livelihood to sink into oblivion because Ethics are superior to Food)

Here’s the catch. People aren’t pissed just about the Brujah issue, that places neo-nazis at the same level as any other character concept and definition of the Brujah, without an ounce of self awareness, and using terminologies that clearly appeal to gamer gaters (the use of terms such as “fourth wave feminists” and others...). They’re pissed and worried because this isn’t the first WWP offense, they have multiple times allowed themselves to poke towards such people, more or less willingly. 

There's been plenty of other signs by the WWP crew that they may be integrating alt-right and neo nazi elements in their games, not because they are saying they're a thing, but also somewhat inserting (willingly or not) some propaganda elements, not as a way to criticize them, but normalizing them or even misrepresenting them as "rebels with a cause" (aka Brujah, which makes little sense nowadays, current day neo nazis and alt rights are in positions of power and are very much accepted if not encouraged by our political systems, much to my screaming French ass). 

They somewhat normalize and even glorify them. Despite being a game about monsters (lol u know what vamps are?? have said many people on those threads), it isn’t a game about BEING a monster. It is a game about Dealing with It and their Humanity. 

WWP says it's to "acknowledge the state of the world today" but other elements such as dog whistle elements for neonazis, as well as the use of hate groups types of phrasings (euphemisms, like, clearly derogating terms like "fourth wave feminism" mocking tone like) are pushing non-straight non-white, non-male players out of their base. And oddly, almost everyone defending their edge-approach are.. yes, regular white dudes.

Add in their hiring of Zak S for their video game from February 2017 and the overall lack of research, + their apology / non apology / defense about all of these issues altogether up to now about the whole ordeal when people bring out the issues, and you've got a massive shitstorm of suspicion about whether they are actually openly welcoming neo-nazis and alt-righters into the games, especially when public comments made by WWP staff implies "they are very fine people” and “both extremes are horrible”, putting into equal footing antifascists and neonazis. That in and out of itself is suspicious, but arguable to some degree. Plenty of comments have been made both by the horrid fanbase, but also by WWP staff on the matter, as such they cannot really deny their hands being dirty (looking at you, MR-H and Ericsson, receipts are provided all over reddit and the FB threads from WWP but also from the VtM groups, including this one).

Just because they state they condemn racism, sexism and xenophobia, doesn’t mean that their writings and actions match those statements. They still sign “Blood and Souls,” their letters and posts, which is ODDLY similar to “Blood and Soil”, a known Neo-Nazi chant. The integration of 1 4 8 8 as a dice roll result may be completely meaningless and a sad occurrence, but there are SO MANY other occurrences that giving them the benefit of the doubt is hard. Especially when you add the fact that the lead dev has written books about nazis (so has done research, and when you research, 1488 comes up easily). 

I’m always willing to blame ignorance and stupidity over Malice, and I am doing it for V5 write-ups, but their apologies and defense instead of listening to our concerns takes away their credibility. Their reaction should have been to listen and fix it.

In Game, there is also a BIG BIG PROBLEM that the authors didn’t even research. The Alt Right and neonazis are NOT in a marginal position of protesters anymore. They are in power. They are very much allowed, encouraged, protected by the system, at least in most Western Societies. They are no Brujah hunting ground, they are great Ventrue targets! 

There’s a difference between allowing the themes be used and explored very darkly and grimly and glorifying them as a good thing (the little red book or Leni Riefenstahl’s movies), and doing the same but with careful research, expert consulting and making sure your intent is clear as a content creator (like the Handmaiden’s tale or 1984). You can’t objectively say that Wolfenstein is a game that approves of nazis despite being all about nazis, nor Far Cry 5 about wtf is going on in Far Cry 5, or that Just Cause approves of American Intervention in island nations or Latin American countries, or that Tropico approves of banana island dictatorships. Cartel Ciudad Juarez or many modern warfare games, on the other hand, do not manage this and are clearly not aware of what their game is saying (not unlike a RPG like Fatal... :p).

Then the article archived and linked above was made and shared, and that’s where all shit hit the fan. I do not believe the author is fully right about everything in the contents, especially when it comes to Zak S (who is an asshole by all means, but he is neither a gamer gater nor an alt righter), but there are solid elements that put together some of the various “uh” moments. The article has since been removed due to the harassment, death threats and worse. 

Oddly, Reddit is doing okay (x, x) but Twitter has also given us frowny things about upcoming W5...

Do I think they are openly and willingly trying to pull one past us? No. Do I think the WoD has brought in lots of neonazis as players and has been a problem since the 1990s? Yes, for Vampire and Werewolf for sure. (Werewolf in particular is plagued with them despite the Revised attempts at fixing certain things...). Do I believe the 20th anniversary edition were made to glorify those days? No. Not at all. Do I think Ericsson and co are neonazis? No. They’re not. Do I think WWP is trying to be edgy to cater to anti-sjw and unapologetic show offs? Yes. Do I think WWP wants to openly cater to neonazis? No, but they’re not doing anything to make a stance against them buying and using their games. If their idea of Mature Themes is punching down and glorifying monsters, they are wrong and we should let them know. If a mature theme is exploring the dark sides of the world in a thoughtful manner, having Horror as a key component of VTM, then yes, that is what we want, but it has to be presented properly and fine-tuned. Right now, it’s “oh, wouldn’t it be cool/grim if...?”. They need to consult experts. They need to hire sociologists. Psychologists. Game Theorists. They need to SEE what Chaosium has done with Call of Cthulhu. They need to 

I’m just also going to say that the two FB WWP threads are insane (here and here), full of fanboys and fangirls defending WWP and telling them they shouldn’t apologize, they even made a petition saying they did nothing wrong. I do not want to give up, and I do not want to let my voice be silenced by these assholes for a game I love and care about even if I am such a critic of it.

Let me be very clear. The problem is -not- the inclusion of asshole character concepts in the write up, it is the WoD after all... The problem is that they are presenting them under a good, acceptable, apologetic light even. The problem isn’t exactly the content of the game, the problem is how little research and how little awareness they’ve had about their publication, and the responses that they have given when we have raised questions and concerns about these issues. The problem is Accidental Indoctrination. The problem is Propaganda Games. What are your mechanics saying? What are your actions saying? What is your game saying?

https://youtu.be/4jKsj345Jjw

https://youtu.be/UP4_bMhZ4gA

(Yes they’re video games but it’s he same thing)

And in opposition, extra credits did also an episode about the Shoah book for Wraith. https://youtu.be/EDEgXUqHL9Q

So, do we want great quality mature content, serious gaming material, or shock for shock value? Do we want This War of Mine, Papers Please, Dead of Winter, CupidVN, Spec Ops the Line, Bury Me My Love? Or do we want Hatred, DARK, WoD Preludes, Ciudad Juarez or even Dante’s inferno?

Games Matter.

Education Matters

We matter.

Tyvm

If you have any questions, they’re going to do an AMA on Twitch on July 13, here’s the info.

Let’s try and be numerous to voice our concerns. EDIT: Blood and Souls actually references Elric, it was my bad and I apologize for it, but you’ll understand that sometimes, when it sounds and moves like a horse, it’s hard to see it’s a zebra. Especially considering all past elements from the different eyebrow raising worth of edge for edge’s sake.

I still do not believe they’re deliberately calling neo-nazis but considering their AMA’s comments of people who just don’t want to be respectful and do basic research when treating mature content in an adult way, and be like “hell no, DARK STUFF, don’t steal my dark stuff!”, there’s honestly all the proof we need that that’s the kind of crowd they’ve accepted was using their games as entertainment. Jason’s answers were clear, and did not bite the whole “but what about antifaaaa”. I’m cautiously optimistic, and I’ve chosen, like many others, to keep publishing in the Vault to show them we can do better, and that it’s in the community’s best interest they listen.

They also confirmed Mark Rein Hagen was just a “consultant” and isn’t part of the team in anyway ;)

[my-dear-hammy]

Falling Through Time: Book 2

Masterpost

Jamilton Series Masterpost

Basking in Firelight

Part Forty-Two

Voluntold Candidates

----

Warnings: Recounting of a suicide attempt, mentions heavy drinking, a confession, mobs.

----

Madison was rudely woken up by a pounding on his door that his head decided to mimic. He may have had a little too much last night. The pounding came again and Madison knew it wasn't going to stop until he answered the door. Achingly slow, he crawled out of bed and answered the door.

Fuck. He went to shut the door but Hamilton's hand stopped it. Madison didn't even try to close him out but left it open and walked back into the house, going to make himself some coffee. Hamilton let himself in and closed the door behind him.

"Madison, I need to talk to you."

"Coffee," was all Madison said.

Hamilton sighed and waited until Madison was drinking his coffee, if anyone understood to need of coffee, it was Hamilton. Madison finally gestured for Hamilton to continue.

"It's afternoon, Madison. Why are you just getting up?"

Madison groaned, he hadn't meant to sleep in that late, he had to go check in on Jefferson. "Why are you here, Hamilton? Couldn't you just have called? You got a new phone, didn't you?" he asked. His head was killing him and now he had to find his phone to text Jefferson.

"I need you to tell me what happened to Jefferson." The sentence in itself was self-explanatory. This wasn't something to be discussed over the phone.

Madison froze. "What do you mean?"

He hesitated. Madison had hesitated. Hamilton was right, something was up and Madison knew about it. "You know what I mean. Something happened to Jefferson and I need to know."

"What's it matter to you? It's not like you hang out with him anymore." Madison looked around for his phone.

"Because I-" Hamilton stopped short. "Because it's obvious and he's my friend."

"It's not for me to tell," Madison said, spotting his phone on the couch.

"Well, Jefferson's not going to share because he doesn't know me so I need you to tell me."

"He doesn't know you because you didn't bother sticking around and helping him with his memory loss. Maybe if you put more of an effort into being there for your friend, he might be more willing to share." Madison walked over and grabbed his phone.

"For fuck's sake, please, I'm just trying to help."

Madison looked at him, "Why should I tell you?"

"Because-" shit. Hamilton couldn't say it.

"Well?"

"Because I love him, okay? Are you happy now?" Madison looked at Hamilton. It was so glaringly obvious. "You knew?" Hamilton asked.

Madison snorted. "Of course I knew. I'm not blind and with you two making love eyes at each other all the time. Why would Thomas leave Monticello to you if he didn't?"

"Okay, I suppose those are some valid points, but no one else realized it."

"I may also still have his journal from our past lives."

"What?"

Madison shrugged. "No idea. I read it when I was a kid. It was in my family's library. I found and kept it. It's still in great condition."

"You have to give it to me."

"No, I don't."

"Madison-"

"The journal or what happened to Thomas. You get one."

"That's not fair."

"I don't care. I shouldn't even give you the option of either. Now choose."

"But-"

"I don't have time for your shit. If you don't make a choice in the next ten seconds, you lose both."

After about eight, Hamilton finally sighed, "What happened to Thomas?" It's what was important right now, as much as Hamilton was dying to read Jefferson's personal journal.

Madison sat down and gestured for Hamilton to sit as well. "It was couple nights ago. He wasn't answering his phone, he always answers his phone. So I went over, let myself in with the key he gave me. The house seemed empty so I was about to leave when I heard glass shatter. I know you and Jefferson are still targeted by people, so I was immediately on high alert. I walked into his bedroom and saw something I never expected. Jefferson was sitting at the foot of his bed, entire posture lax and uncaring, empty bottles of alcohol were all over the room and a full one in his hand. I was in shock. Then I saw the gleaming silver gun in his other hand. He looked up at me and said, "Nice of you to join the party." I asked what he was doing he just shrugged and said, "Drinking and contemplating death. Do you think it's better? I was about to see if I could find out." Hamilton, he got so close. I guess something I said struck a cord, because he tossed the gun on the floor, got up, handed me his bottle, and went to sleep. I called Lafayette to see if he knew what to do. I stayed there to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. The next day, he woke up, cleaned everything that I hadn't gotten to yet, and just seemed to have snapped back to himself. A sad, depressed version, but he was himself. He threw out all the alcohol that I missed except like one bottle of wine or something. That was the day of the celebration. I came from his house to it after I was sure he'd be okay. I was only planning to stay for a bit and go back, but he showed up."

"Fuck," Hamilton whispered, "I didn't know he was that bad."

"I don't think any of us did." Madison looked at his phone and sent off a text.

Hamilton's thoughts turned inward, remembering the moment he found out Jefferson didn't know him, how he ran out and into an alleyway and contemplated the same exact thing. Their lives weren't supposed to be this way. "Thanks, Madison. I gotta go." Hamilton walked out the door before anything else could be said.

***

Hamilton knows.

Damn.

Jefferson's eyes darted over Madison's text again. Hamilton just didn't give up, did he? If he didn't get what he wanted one way, he'd manage to get it through another. Jefferson was in the office at his house, reclining in the comfy chair, feet up on the desk.

Jefferson was actually kinda impressed. Determination was a trait he strongly admired.

Now that the Constitution was written and finally ratified. They were officially out of an oligarchy and were a republic once again. A stronger, better republic. Jefferson was proud. Now all that was left to do was to get it up and running, starting with the presidential elections. Bets were going around, Madison, Hamilton, Lafayette, Burr and himself all had their bets placed on Washington and Adams as the first presidents. The rest of the group wasn't so sure.

But Jefferson and those who remembered knew that history was repeating itself, there was only one way the elections could turn out. And that was with Washington and Adams leading the nation. Luckily, France didn't seem to be delving into their own revolution. Now if they could just avoid a world war, they'd be all set. Then Jefferson could go back to the quiet life he always wanted, doing-

Jefferson's phone slipped out of his hands and thudded onto the floor. Doing what? He stared at it blankly.

What did he use to do? He couldn't remember. He started to panic slightly, he planted his feet on the floor and held his head in his hands. What did he use to do? What were his hobbies? His interests? How did he always dream of spending his time when he wasn't knee deep in national turmoil? Surely he enjoyed doing something in his downtime.

Reading. He loved to read. But that was obvious and he wasn't going to be able to read for the rest of his life, even if he loved it so much. There was writing, but what would there be to write about after all this smoothed out? What else?

He couldn't remember.

He bent down and scooped up his phone and scrolled through his contacts. Who would know? Who could he ask? Madison. Madison would know. Jefferson's thumb hovered over Madison's name, then, in a split-second decision, he scrolled up and punched Hamilton's name instead.

Hamilton's reply was almost immediate, which was scary, considering it's length.

Gardening. You loved to garden. You used to have this massive garden at Monticello where you'd sit, digging through the dirt, sweat glistening on your skin as the hot Virginia sun beat at you with its sweltering heat. You planted all sorts of things. Flowers, vines, leafy greens, vegetables, bushes, anything you could think of. You would have Lafayette send you plants from France to plant in your garden and you collected rare species that was unknown to Virginia soil. You loved that garden.

You also loved architecture. You designed Monticello. Countless times in fact. You would tear it down and then rebuild it all over again to get it just right. You also designed the Virginia State Capital, along with several other things.

Hamilton just kept sending paragraph after paragraph.

Astronomy. You used to drag me out of my office in the middle of the night saying, "If you're not coming to bed then you're at least going to stay awake with me and watch the stars." I'd always complain. You loved charting them. In fact, when you sent Lewis and Clark off on their expedition, you specifically told them to chart and study the stars on their travels.

You were an inventor. Always fiddling with things and trying to make things better. The swivel chair seems to still be popular. You also introduced macaroni to america, a dish I personally think the we were better without, but whatever. You should've left that in France. The iron plow. That was life changing for farmers everywhere who used wood ones that didn't work well and made erosion a problem for crops. You also invented the dumbwaiter. You know, those little tiny elevators that are used to deliver food but are typically shown in movies as a place the kids crawl into. The pedometer, that thing that tracks how far you walk. And the wheel cipher to code messages with. Just to name a few. Your mind was always ticking away at the oddest things.

You also used to keep mockingbirds. You were particularly attached to one you named Dick. You let him fly around the presidential cabinet and perch on your shoulder. I could never keep it together whenever you said, and I quote, "I love Dick," because no else got the double meaning.

Of course, there was reading, writing, and violin playing. You also played cello. You were an obsessive book collector. Your collection reached over six thousand novels, six thousand four hundred and eighty-seven to be exact. I counted. As did you. In fact, one of us counted wrong and we bickered over it. The Library of Congress bought them all to replace what had been burned by the British in the war of 1812. You also went fossil hunting, you discovered a prehistoric sloth that was named in your honor.

You loved to take long walks and horseback rides. You'd go fishing all the time and bring it back to cook. You never let me cook because you enjoyed it so much and plus the added fact that I'd burn the house down. We used to joke that it'd give you an excuse to remodel.

You hated to be stagnate. You always had to be doing something. You just tended to prefer it to be your home life and not politics, but you deemed the nation more important.

Jefferson didn't realize he did so much. Thanks, Hamilton, that really helped.

Anytime.

Jefferson set his phone aside and looked around the room. He couldn't garden here, there was no soil and he didn't want to get potted plants. That just felt like cheating, plus, he didn't want to stay in New York much longer than he had to. There was no green unless he went looking for it. Just city. He couldn't do astronomy because it was day. His thoughts were cut off when his phone rang.

"Hamilton? What-"

"Thomas, look out your window at the street and tell me what you see," Hamilton said quickly.

"That's a weird reason to call me," Jefferson said, standing, "couldn't you just have texted me?"

"Just do it."

"Hold your horses, I'm getting there."

"Hurry up."

Jefferson pulled back the second-floor curtains and looked down at the street. "Holy shit," he breathed.

"I know. It's the same outside my hotel."

A sea of people covered the street below like ants on a soda can. They were waving signs and shouting things that Jefferson couldn't quite make out due to the thick glass of his windows and his poor vision. Jefferson retrieved his glasses and pushed open his window. The signs they were waving mostly said, "Jefferson 4 President!" or "Jefferson has my vote!" A couple people saw him in the window and immediately started pointing, shouting, and waving. Soon the entire street was cheering like a crashing wave. Jefferson waved back which only earned him more screams.

"Well, fuck, they saw me. Now I gotta go talk to them," Jefferson said, ducking back out of the window.

"Way ahead of ya," Hamilton said, "I'm in the elevator."

"We're going to get trampled."

"Say you gotta go meet with someone else important. Madison, Washington, Lafayette. I dunno. Escape plan."

"Good idea. Gotta go." Jefferson hung up his phone, pulled on his most favorite and flashiest coat swung open the door, and stepped outside.

***

Madison was at home, sitting on the couch, a blanket over his lap, a bowl of soup in his hand, and the t.v. remote in the other, nursing another cold. He was flipping through the channels when he stopped on one.

"I'm currently standing outside Jefferson's door at the edge of this unruly mob," said the newswoman. "I'm starting to wonder if they're going to break down the door. How are things on your end, Jim?"

"Over here is not much different, Katie. The street to Hamilton's hotel is jam-packed with fans cheering him on for the upcoming elections," Jim answered, the screen splitting in two to show them both. There was a sudden commotion on Katie's screen.

"Jefferson has appeared in the window and is waving to his fans. He seems to be on the phone with someone," Katie reported, the camera zooming in on Jefferson's face. He disappeared a moment later, the crowd saddening.

"There's been no appearance from Hamilton as of yet. I've heard reports that there are crowds outside every general that served the rebel cause in the war, though none quite to the degree of these crowds out here today. It seems all of New York is out showing their support for their candidates. Washington-" The cheers of the crowds from both screen cut him off, both reporters spun to see Jefferson and Hamilton emerge simultaneously from their buildings. The reporters started frantically shoving their way to the front.

"Jefferson, tell us what you're thinking right now as a candidate in the first election of the new republic you help fight for and create!" Katie the Reporter shouted, elbowing someone in the face.

Jefferson laughed and ruffled his hair, causing several girls to swoon. "I hadn't realized I was one."

"Well Holy Mother Mary," Madison breathed.

----

[orionsangel86]

12x10 - “Pterodactyl Screeching into the void” - Part 1

My title is borrowed from @postmodernmulticoloredcloak comment on my crazy blogging after first watching this episode earlier. I feel like it is a fitting title for how this episode made me feel. To clarify, these are very very happy pterodactyls.

Steve Yokey wrote this episode and he appears to have well and truly taken up the gap left when Robbie Thompson sadly left the show. In fact this episode to me channels the ghost of Robbie in many different ways. From the fanfiction-esque moments of poor suffering third wheel Sam, to the meta nod to Charlie Bradbury, there is much of Robbie to be found here. Basically, it was bloody perfect.

I feel like there is so much to talk about in this episode that fandom will be chewing on it for months if not years to come. Yokey has picked up the characterisations brilliantly, and seems to have an understanding of what the fandom desperately craves in terms of Castiel, his character, his personality and his development. I adored his sass in this episode. Some other writers *cough*bucklemming*cough* struggle to really capture Castiel’s sass and humour. Showing their lack of understanding of Castiel’s persona and his intelligence and instead writing him in a way that is jarring and sometimes basically stupid. Castiel is far from stupid. In this episode he was written perfectly, in a way I haven’t seen since Edlund’s time. Is that a sweeping statement? Maybe. But I’m still riding my high so let me have it this time.

This episode gave us three of my favourite things. Badass and Sassy Castiel, Overprotective grumpy husband Dean, and poor long suffering brother Sam. (baring in mind this is how they are usually written in fanfiction nowadays this is exactly my jam and I am so so happy to see it play out on screen. Seriously who sold their soul to Crowley for this episode?)

This review will also be in two parts. Because I have so freaking much to say about it.

The first part will focus on destiel, the second on everything else including Castiel’s emotional arc (as separate from destiel), his relationships with angels, angels and gender and Lily Sunder’s character.

PART 1 - ALL THE DESTIEL

I’m still struggling to contain my excitement over this. The episode begins with Dean feeling very pissy about what happened at the end of the last episode. Castiel killed Billy to save the Winchesters regardless of the “cosmic consequences”. Castiel stands his ground that he doesn’t regret his decision. Dean is acting like a sulking child over the whole thing. Sam is cool with it. Because Sam is cool. He is also extremely fed up with being caught in the middle of a lovers spat.

And that’s just it isn’t it? How else can you possibly read it? This is a lovers spat. I have read this in fan fiction enough times to know exactly how this story goes. Funnily enough, the episode also goes the exact way of fanfiction (except for the explicit bits of course) and that makes me love it even more..

We start with Dean grumbling about Cas’s inability to track down Kelly Kline. It’s left to Sam to bring up Cas and whether or not they have spoken yet:

(gif source courtesy of @subcas)

We are 5 minutes into the episode, Sam is already so done, and I am having flashbacks to a fanfic I read recently… In fact I am pretty sure it was this one. 

No seriously read this extract pulled from this fanfic:

“Sam is witness to a lot of arguing, followed by one or both of them storming off in a huff. Long periods of excruciating silence stretch out between each altercation.  Sam never makes any move to intervene or get them to patch things up – Dean’s trying to figure out how to feel about that – but he always watches with careful concern and a raised eyebrow. Dean makes absolutely no effort to engage his brother on the topic, so he can only guess at what Sam makes of all this.

He tries to imagine what it must look like from Sam’s point of view – Dean getting irritated over nothing, sniping at Cas, fleeing without apologizing. Maybe Sam just thinks it’s all those perfectly reasonable aggravations, Cas being all up in his space and not backing off, Cas forgetting to refill the ice cube tray for the fifth time.

Then again, it’s Sam. It’s not like Dean doesn’t like Cas, or would get on his case so much even if he did, after all Cas has done for his sorry ass – even Dean’s not that much of a jerk. Sam must know that. He must know there’s something else going on. He probably understands exactly what Dean’s doing, maybe even better than Dean does himself.”

I mean COME ON. (also that is a awesome fic if you haven’t read it already… it gets pretty steamy further in the series. Cas is such a dom. Lmao.)

If we consider this entire conversation between Sam and Dean we immediately see a massive difference between their reactions to the Billy situation. Sam sees things objectively. He sees what Cas did, he knows that there could be bad consequences, but he understands that Cas did it for them, because he cared. He also respects Cas’s choice here and sticks up for him. Because Sam is not being unreasonable about his friends decision. Sam acts like a supportive friend. He gets it, it is his brother he is more fed up with.

Dean on the other hand is acting totally unreasonable. I haven’t even gotten to the conversation in the car when things start to get interesting because so far Dean is just being a jerk. Sam’s expressions tell us this straight away, before Cas even enters the scene. Why on earth would Dean act this way over a friend? He wouldn’t. It makes no sense. Just like in the fanfic I have quoted above. Something else is going on here, Dean is acting out for a completely other reason than what is apparent on first glance.

Once Cas does show up and things only get more awkward we get a brilliant moment which you can see giffed in its entirety here by @constiellation in which Sam is his poor awkward self stuck in the middle of a lovers spat that has been going on for the past week apparently. The way this moment calls back to 8x22 is completely thanks to the director Thomas J Wright knowing exactly what he is trying to show us in both episodes that poor Sam has been stuck in the middle of this domestic for years. (I should say a big thanks to @godshipsit for sending me the links to these posts since up until this point I have not been on my dash at all and therefore haven’t been gif hunting myself.)

The car scene drives home Sam’s terrible situation even further as he can’t even escape the immense *sexual* tension by moving to a different room.

LOOK AT THIS POOR BASTARD!!

Whilst I am sure that the intense tension and poor Sammy’s discomfort has been a major focal point here, the bit that I found most interesting was this exchange about Benjamin:

“Benjamin wouldn’t call for help lightly, he wouldn’t put himself in harm’s way if he could help it.”

“Wow this Benjamin seems like he is pretty cool, like he wouldn’t make any half-cocked knee jerked choices.”

What sets Dean off here is that Castiel’s description of Benjamin talks about Benjamin not putting himself in danger. That is why Dean thinks Benjamin is a cool guy. This is what Dean is digging at. This is our first clue into Dean’s real feelings about the Billy situation. He is pissed that Cas has potentially put himself in danger.

Cas’s response only pisses Dean off more:

“Yeah you know what I like about him, he’s sarcastic but he’s thoughtful and appreciative too.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Enough that Dean almost crashes the Impala. This is practically unheard of. Cas and Dean are not on the same page at the moment. Cas thinks Dean is just being a jerk and unappreciative of his efforts, and Dean thinks that Cas is being too careless with his own life (which you can damn well talk Dean, making death deals last episode)

Then this scene gets even juicer as we get this story about Benjamin and his vessel. This is our first of three Angel/Human love stories in this episode (not including the forth and most important love story between Dean and Castiel of course).

Everything about the way Castiel describes Benjamin’s relationship with his vessel implies a romantic connection (“gave him everything, her trust, her body… its more than that, she’s not just his vessel she’s his…” “friend”.) It of course, is never explicitly said (and that is important) but I bet that the general audience picked up on THAT bit of subtext just from the way Sam said the word “friend” and isn’t that so interesting? How often has the word “friend” been used throughout the series to describe Dean and Castiel? Yet here it is being used specifically in a subtextual way to describe something completely non platonic.

Moving on to our next bit of destiel deliciousness is another moment of brotherly teasing.

The boys arrive at the diner to meet Ishim and Mirabel. Castiel’s sass is on point today with his “If I plan to do anything else stupid, I’ll let you know.”

Can I please take a moment to appreciate Sam’s face here: 

(Gif source thanks to @godshipsit - you are a blessing Alex)

On top of that expression of absolute GOLD is this moment:

“and you’re gonna storm in riiiiiighht…. Now.” And omg Sam totally has no more fucks to give with his brothers bullshit. He can see right through Dean’s drama to how he truly feels. Dean may act pissy with Cas but the moment Cas may be in danger Dean is all like “oh HELL NO.” Five minutes. He lasted five minutes. I love overprotective embarrassing husband Dean it is MY JAM.

 “These are my friends, my friends who don’t listen well”

*cue Dean practically sitting in Cas’s lap*

This is the best moment in the history of the show. Three grown ass huge men squeezing into a tiny diner seat. I LOVE IT. 

Ishim is such a tool, the way he speaks to Cas is awful but what is so so great is how Dean and also Sam stick up for him here. We so often seem to get Sam and Dean digging on Cas, talking him down and treating him like shit. The Winchesters are world weary and grumpy men and Cas often gets caught up in this. What we are shown here is just how defensive they get when other people try to do it. Because where the Winchester’s digging comes from a place of love, these angels nasty comments come from a place of hate. The Winchester’s won’t have it. 

Also SO MANY jokes to be had over the subtext of “no one talks to my husband like that BUT ME bitch” Oh DEAN.

Moving on to this beautiful flashback moment and our even more beautiful fem!castiel who wow what a good casting. But more on that in part 2. What I wanna talk about here is this moment:

(gif source once again thanks to @godshipsit)

We have our second angel/human love story of the episode between Lily and Akabel, or at least what we are led to believe is an angel/human love story that resulted in the birth of a Nephilim. The truth being that Akabel has pledged himself to protect Lily from Ishim at all costs. By the end of the episode, we are actually given the impression that their love was platonic rather than romantic or sexual. Akabel’s confusion when Castiel reads out the accusations is evident of that, as is Lily’s reaction to Dean and Sam’s attempts at reasoning with her later on.

However going back to the above gifset, Akabel argues to Ishim and the angel group that “How could anyone know [humans] and not love them?” at which point the camera cuts to Castiel. This my friends, is a nifty piece of editing which Supernatural has used on many occasions to add to the growing mountain of destiel subtext. Why cut to Castiel at this point? Because Castiel is going to experience this himself later in his lifetime. (by knowing and subsequently falling in love with Dean Winchester of course).

The third angel/human love story is next and it is a worst case scenario, dark and twisted tragedy and a massive subversion of the Dean/Cas story. It explores how an angel fell ‘in love’ with a human, but that human didn’t return his affections and therefore the angel became cold and murderous and obsessed. Ishim is a horribly twisted and dark Cas mirror highlighting what Castiel’s actual weakness is. Because Castiel nowadays cares more for the Winchesters than the world itself. “cosmic consequences” mean nothing when the Winchesters (and more specifically Dean) are in danger. The difference between Castiel and Ishim is that Ishim takes his anger out directly on the woman he loves, whereas Cas would never harm Dean. He instead makes decisions which have put the world in danger. 

I mentioned this previously, but the dark foreshadowing here is rather horrible. We have a terrified Lily left powerless whilst Ishim makes her watch as he kills her child. Claiming that she “broke his heart” so he will “break hers”. This is extreme. Where Lily is our Dean mirror and Ishim is Cas, who is Lily’s daughter? Sam. We have already seen this situation play out with our boys previously. Castiel, hurt and betrayed that Dean wouldn’t stand by his side to open purgatory and stop Raphael, breaks Sam’s wall and leaves him comatose. Its not the first time that Sam has been the one to get hurt in a fight between Dean and Cas. In an episode where he has constantly been trying to play peacemaker between them, could it be that Sam gets caught in a much bigger situation that started between Dean and Castiel? That perhaps the “cosmic consequences” Billy spoke of somehow end up hurting Sam? How could such a situation harm Dean and Cas’s relationship? Leaving Cas cold and hating human’s and Dean on a revenge mission to rival Gerard Butler’s in Law Abiding Citizen? Hopefully not. But with the emphasis at the start of this episode on the lovers spat and Cas not thinking before he acts, rather acting on his emotional need to keep Dean safe, and Dean’s anger possibly also being about Cas’s supposed obsession with him putting Dean first before the world… well, its not looking good for our boys basically. But then again I did say this was worst case scenario. 

The next moment that made my heart leap thanks to the destiel of it all:

(gif source thanks to @some-people-call-it-tragic )

This was preceded by a phone call that Dean made to Cas that only rang twice before his over protective nature kicked in and he ran back to the ‘safe house’ to go save his husband from Ishim. Leaving Sam to talk to Lily (its always Dean who goes back for Cas. Remember that.) After all the bitterness from the start of the episode, it is clear by this point that none of that matters if either of them are in danger.

“Who are you gonna believe? Your brother? Or some filthy ape?”  Ishim tries to make Cas choose him over Dean. Which is of course hilarious to anyone that has watched even just one Cas episode of the show.

“Always talking down at you, always mocking you”.

Whats great about this is how this is being said in front of Dean because Dean is getting called out here. Ishim has been nasty and rude to Cas all episode, IN FRONT OF DEAN. Through Ishim, Dean is able to see just what a jerk he has actually been. Its giving Dean the chance to think about his actions, because there is no way Dean will want to be put in the same boat as this asshole.

“Ya know Cas and I might not agree all the time, but at least he knows who his real friends are”

Look at these two badass hunting husbands forming a united front against the bad guy. Also “Friends” just like the “friends” of Benjamin and his vessel right?

Of course everything goes super bad after this and poor Cas gets beaten to shit by this absolute dick of an angel IN FRONT OF DEAN. All this crap that Ishim is coming out with is being said IN FRONT OF DEAN. Do you know why I love this so much? Because we have had crappy villains like Ishim saying this kind of shit to Cas since SEASON 9 and sometimes even earlier. Castiel has always just taken it, never said “no. You are wrong about me” and in the later seasons he has started to believe their words, adding to his depression and PTSD. He has been called weak and pathetic and expendable and a tool and every time he has been alone. We have never had Dean be there by his side to hear these words to argue against them. But that is EXACTLY what we get this episode. And it is ABOUT BLOODY TIME.

And then we get probably the most obvious moment for Destiel from the whole episode. To the point that if the general audience don’t see it now they are a bloody lost cause:

(gif source @godshipsit AGAIN because I am Alex’s biggest fan)

SERIOUSLY THOUGH. Let;s do a nice simple logic puzzle with what we know is canon:

Metatron says Castiel’s “true weakness is revealed”

Metatron says that that his weakness is “He is in love… with humanity”.

Metatron says “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but it was all about saving one man”

Ishim draped himself in the flag of heaven, but it was actually all about getting revenge on one woman.

Ishim said that he was “in love” with that woman.

Ishim called that woman his “human weakness”.

Ishim says that Cas also has a “human weakness”

Ishim threatens to cut out Castiel’s “human weakness”

Ishim goes to stab Dean.

Therefore can we please, finally accept that it is CANON that Dean=humanity. That Castiel is IN LOVE WITH humanity and that therefore

Castiel is in love with Dean Winchester.

Now that we have accepted that this is canon. Lets move on to the very next scene. This:

(gif source thanks to @codestielckles)

Now its Dean’s turn to get a choice. Blast away both angels, and Castiel will potentially die, or die himself. Of course Dean won’t do it. Dean would rather die fighting for Cas than risk Cas’s life. Ishim of course knows this to be true. “yeah, that’s what I thought” he says.

Also such an interesting shot of Cas looking at Dean in that moment because HOW MUCH does it remind you of that horrible moment from 10x22? What’s the betting that was also done intentionally? 10x22 was also directed by Thomas J Wright. This guy knows his stuff.

Thankfully Lily and Sam come in to save Dean from Ishim who really was just on a mission to kill Dean at this point probably because of his massive jealousy that Cas gets a human lover and he doesn’t.

Finally, probably the end scene we have been waiting for the past YEAR. The Winchesters actually TALKING to Cas and telling him what he NEEDS TO HEAR! I am all over this scene man I’m telling you I have been waiting for this I have been hoping and praying to Chuck for this! Dammit I am so happy about this!

“You’re not weak Cas you know that right?”

“Obviously you’ve changed, but its all been for the better.”

“And you’ve been with us every step of this long crazy thrill ride… and no matter how crazy it got, you never backed down”

“That takes real strength”

THANK YOU SAM AND DEAN AND THANK YOU STEVE YOKEY

*sips Cas hater tears*

And THEN we get this beauty which sums up Dean’s attitude all episode. It kinda actually sums up Dean’s attitude throughout the whole fucking show:

(Gif source thanks to @godshipsit again)

“I’m not mad, I’m worried.”

Exactly. Like how right at the beginning he picked on Cas after Cas mentioned Benjamin wouldn’t put himself in danger. Dean is worried about Cas. Dean is worried about his idiotic husband who cares more about saving him than he does himself and the world. Cas is blinded by his love for Dean. It is a problem and Dean ain’t happy about it. But it is all rooted in love.

And that’s it and I am exhausted!

I haven’t written so much meta on Destiel for one episode like EVER in my time in fandom. I doubt we have had an episode with THIS MUCH destiel in it since Goodbye Stranger. I can’t actually contain myself. Anyway, in summary. Destiel is canon. Destiel Exists. (Poor Jensen he must be so confused that season 12 skipped straight from episode 9 to episode 11) We have textual confirmation now (via a little bit of well applied but completely solid logic) that Castiel is in love with Dean and that Dean is an overprotective emotional mess when it comes to Cas being in danger (not that we didn’t know that already thanks to 11x18 among every other Cas-in-danger episode so far) This is undeniable.

Like I said in this episodes title. I am still pterodactyl screeching into the void about it. I don’t think I’ll stop going on about it for a long time yet.

I have more to say about this episode that is not specifically related to destiel coming up in part 2. Watch this space!

[thesinglesjukebox]

DEMI LOVATO - ANYONE

[5.92]

As debuted at the Grammys...

Jackie Powell: As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, "Anyone" reflects a very familiar set of emotions and experiences. Depression is accompanied by loneliness and shame. The phrase "I feel stupid when I sing" -- I've been there. The heaviness that comes with feeling like you're a fraud or a fool when you are doing what you are meant to is all too real. Lovato spoke to Zane Lowe before she embarked on her unofficial comeback tour, and she uttered something that also hit home: "There's only so much that music can do before you have to take responsibility and you have to take the initiative to get the help that you need." That's a sentence I also remember with clarity. Music was a temporary band-aid for me during a rough time, and it takes that shape for many, including me and Demi. I watched the second phase of Lovato's comeback tour last night and it was obviously incredibly different in tone and timbre from her premiere of "Anyone" at the Grammys. It was meant to be. "The Star-Spangled Banner" which is one of the hardest songs to sing ever, by the way, is meant to be clean sounding and strong. "Anyone" a week earlier was strong, potent even, but it was coarse sounding. Although Lovato enunciates each word she sings, the track isn't conventionally beautiful and isn't polished. For once in my life, I agree with Jon Caramanica when he notices that the track doesn't move "totally steadily." He realized the parallelism to the subject matter: "recovery is not a straight line." It shocks me that Lovato needed five other songwriters to fine-tune this track. While I usually use that number as a vehicle for more criticism, here I won't. I would have loved to have been in the room with this group of people. I think it's inspirational and equally ironic that in lieu of the isolation discussed on "Anyone," it is clear that by the end of the track's completion and release, Lovato had her "someone" in the studio and in her orbit who would and could listen. [9]

Brad Shoup: "Anyone" marks one of those times where the machine opens itself up for inspection. It's true, there are 100 million songs walking this earth that will not get recorded, and it is a matter of great fortune that Lovato's will, and that she is sufficiently healthy to sign off on their release. Holding the "fuck" until the second pre-chorus... that's craft. Singing "I feel stupid when I pray"... that's a brand-new move -- in American pop anyway. The authenticity is beside the point, for me. It's the choice to deploy: the blowout power-ballad vibrato that doesn't quite crack but still permits the entry of rage, the clomping piano accompaniment that suggests someone auditioning to "The Climb." It is rough but refined, gauche yet graceful, a moment to note and to wonder if there is shame in noting. [8]

Katie Gill: It's very hard to talk about this song. Demi Lovato's had a VERY HARD 2019 and this song feels like a very direct, very personal response to said trauma. You listen to this song and it hits you hard with what she was going through and her mental state at the time. Which is why I feel completely awful when that chorus hit and my only thought was "oh dear, this is the wangsty version of 'Beautiful.'" If this helps her process trauma in a healthy way then you do you, Demi Lovato, write that song, release that power ballad that's an awkward marriage between an honest expression of grief and a big views-generating #GrammysMoment. But this feels aggressively overwrought in a way that I know would be memed to death if we didn't have the backstory of Lovato's addiction/hospitalization and aggressively personal in a distracting way. I can't help but feel that this shouldn't have been released and promoted the way it was and am honestly curious as to who the fuck on her team decided to release and promote this the way they did. Just because the world has the ability to read someone's diary doesn't mean that they should. [5]

Thomas Inskeep: Lovato applies her massive lungs to a big, vulnerable single that speaks loudly; you can hear her personal pain in these lyrics -- and in her performance. As someone who lives with depression and anxiety, it means plenty to me that she put these feelings to paper, and later, recorded and released them for the world to hear. That takes guts. The production here is suitably understated, the better to let Lovato's voice, and especially those lyrics, shine through. [8]

Michael Hong: A little past halfway through the Grammys ceremony, the producers finally found someone to do something everyone else was trying to do. Here was a woman whose last appearance was a soul-shattering confession, whose very publicized addiction and overdose never stopped following her. Here was a woman who survived. And finally, on the Grammy stage, here was a woman whose voice was strong enough to blow everyone away and whose voice conveyed enough pain and emotion to demand the attention a line like "nobody's listening to me" demands. It's an incandescent performance from Demi Lovato, but as a standalone single, it falls flat. Instead of swooping and swooning across like the best of her ballads, it becomes another overwrought addition to the list of capital Demi Lovato Ballads. Similar to how the lack of restraint in Lovato's voice on "Warrior" or "Father" lessened the emotional impact of the tracks and instead felt like a lengthy scream into the void, the rawness of her vocal makes "Anyone" a difficult, almost painful and grating, track to hear. It's a hell of a show there on the Grammy stage, completely deserving of the standing ovation, but on its own, it's confusingly both underwhelming and excessive. [4]

Katherine St Asaph: I teared up at the Grammys when this was on, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's that, after hours of limp, perfunctory piano ballads from artists who deserve better (Billie Eilish?!), it was jarring to hear one one with heft, albeit old-fashioned Diane Warren-y heft. ("Anyone" was actually written by Bibi Bourelly, who also wrote Rihanna's equally raw-sounding "Higher" -- a fact that suddenly contextualizes this perfectly.) Maybe it's the songwriting, how the default answer to "nobody's listening to me" -- "but by definition I am" -- is just a thought away from "aw, but I am." Maybe it's that I feel stupid 20 hours per day, and, the remaining 4, I'm probably just not conscious to notice; of course I'll react hearing that mirrored in song. Whatever it was, it doesn't carry over to the studio recording, sterile by comparison, the over-belting in the chorus seeming less like being caught in the emotional moment, and more like using the wrong vocal take. [4]

Alfred Soto: Sincerity has resulted in good and bad art, as Demi Lovato and her five co-writers understand. Belting the buds out of your ears isn't a bad rhetorical strategy -- hell, it worked at the Grammys. Away from environs inclined to laud this approach, "Anyone" sounds wobbly but still showbiz fake. [3]

Tim de Reuse: There are only a handful of truly poignant lines here, and you have to read the entire Demi Lovato narrative into them for the rest of the song to have any impact; taken on their own terms, they don't communicate much at all. The line "I feel stupid when I sing" is brilliant in isolation, yes, but what other sentiments in the song does it really build off of? Despair is referenced only in generalities, and the circumstances that created it are nearly absent. (The line "I used to crave the world's attention" is the closest thing we get to a fuller picture.) On this half-finished foundation, the repeated full-force restatements of the central refrain sound detached and generic -- it doesn't help that she belts out every single line of the chorus with equal intensity, causing the track as a whole to feel dynamically flat. [4]

Alex Clifton: Oof. Like "Sober" before it, "Anyone" stings more once you know the backstory of the song's composition. Lovato has described this song as a cry for help, and it's definitely one that makes you shake your head and say "Why was nobody helping this girl?" I'm still caught off the line by "I feel stupid when I sing," as it's a level of vulnerability I've rarely heard in music. Writers frequently disparage themselves, but I find it much harder to find examples of musicians doing the same in their songs, noting the futility of art when trying to hold on to sanity. "Anyone" isn't as strong as "Sober" for me, and it's a hard listen both in terms of subject matter and composition (I cannot listen to this on repeat), but it's a brave return to form for an artist I was scared we would lose. [7]

Andy Hutchins: Definitely a song that makes one think its singer needs to be out in the world performing rather than focusing intently on managing the ups and downs of the entertainment industry and bipolar disorder, this. I do not fault the intent: It is toweringly brave to try to live this life and the one that has been bent on killing her at the same time. But I could certainly deal with never hearing Demi belt again, were that the way to ensure her survival as a person -- and to be blunt, her diminishing creative returns and continued appeal on attempted tour de force comeback singles suggest this is a path being walked with Scooter Braun at her side to steady her for commercial and not artistic reasons. If nobody were really listening, would "Anyone" exist? [4]

Nortey Dowuona: Demi slides along the sandy piano chords, slipping below the keys into the darkness, slowly climbing upwards on her swaying, thin voice, then swinging towards a glimpse of light. She falls back, swinging harder and yet still does not let go of her trembling voice and fall away from the light. Demi restarts climbing with a greater force than before, her voice shaking and shimmering, sometimes disappearing, but Demi climbs slowly and sets her hand on the keys and pulls up, before the hand holds out a trembling pinkie and Demi climbs aboard it, relieved, and is carried away into the light. [10]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: It was more than 10 years ago that I found myself listening to Demi Lovato's early demos ("Trash," "Open," "Shadow," "Stronger"), unable to sleep because of my infatuation with them. The scrappiness of those songs and the teenaged, diaristic confessions they held were moving. Me and Lovato are the same age, and every time I listen to one of her ballads, I'm reminded of those early songs and how much of who she was has remained today. It's easy to complain that "Anyone" is more of the same, but any such frustrations harbor the same complicated feelings of communicating with anyone in a vicious cycle of self-hatred -- it's not like Lovato isn't privy to the familiarity of her Big Ballad press cycles. "Am I all alone again? [...] I'm sick of always being the one to always break down, to always melt down in the end," she sang on "Open." You can feel those same cries echoed here. Lovato initially aims for a "Hallelujah"-like lilt but opts for shouted proclamations. It feels desperate, forced, performative: perfect in her own way. [5]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]