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jodilin65 · 36 years

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WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 1988 I just finished watching Unsolved Mysteries. It was ok, but I’ve seen better shows of theirs.

Earlier I worked as the office manager at Channel 57 for the second time. It’s very boring and tedious but it’s something to do. It’s a very easy job though I had feared before it would be difficult. There isn’t much that’s too hard for me. If you can learn to play a musical instrument and all the other things I’ve learned, then you can learn anything, although I hate anything dealing with numbers.

There are still times I wish I were straight and could have sex with a guy and enjoy it and be attracted to a guy as I am to women, but they’re such assholes. But then again, male or female, that is all I ever get anyway.

I’m taking a chance nonetheless. I sent Between Friends $70, but if I’m not attracted to any of these 3 women or they’re jerks or they’re decent and I lose them, then I think I’d be damn entitled to my money back. I guess if that happens, you renew your membership. Like hell I will. For $295? No way!

I’ve been taking only 5mg of Navane and I’ve been basically ok. Only a couple of bad times, but they passed; those racing thoughts that make me depressed.

Well, it doesn’t look like I’m going anywhere for Chanukah or my b-day. Tammy and I got into another squabble as usual and she hasn’t called. But I won’t be surprised if she does. It’s like Andy said to me, “You know you’re gonna make up with her.” No doubt she’ll call at the last minute. Actually, though, I’m really kind of hoping she’ll stay pissed and not call. I don’t think I want to go down there. Besides, I despise the fact of having Nerve drive me down and totally dread it.

The bus ticket price coming back is crazy and I also feel I’d like to celebrate alone. Once again I get that feeling of pride at not turning to anyone on my b-day. I’m really doing great at sheltering myself and keeping independent.

Andy or Nervous should be calling any minute now I guess.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 1988 I woke up this morning feeling miserable so I called my allergy doctor. Next Wed. at 10:00 I see him.

Thank God Nervous woke me up. He tried at 10:00 but obviously, I never heard the phone. When he called back at 11:30, I was exhausted. If I sleep too much I feel tired.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 1988 I got back an hour or so ago from Longmeadow where we had dinner. It was nice, except for the fact that half the meal exploded on the stove, cuz as we’ve learned, you never put glass on a stove. But she did, so we had a hell of a mess. Also, Becky broke a plate. We took pictures of both of these episodes for Mom. She’ll love it.

When Tammy came to pick me up we went to Store 24 so I could get ciggies and a lighter and she said she saw Nervous. Probably spying. He did call last night and it looks like I am stuck with him going to Salem.

I just called Ma and said we’re so glad she’s 1400 miles away. We’re sending her pictures.

Tammy says my singing’s not the worse but it’s not the best. That’s good enough for me.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 1988 Well, they say it gets worse before it gets better. Today I had a miserable day, but I stuck to only 5mg instead of 10mg of Navane. I feel very much better than I have since I cut down. It was miserable as the doctor said it would be. I was very dizzy all the time and my mind was racing and I was anxious as all hell, but it’s gone now. The question is for how long, though? Tammy agreed I just needed to adjust. Still seems always to be worse before my period which I should be getting any day now. I’ve been cramping like hell.

Al was supposed to call me again tonight and he hasn’t yet and I have come to hope he won’t.

Andy never called last night like he said he would and Nervous didn’t either and probably won’t tonight either.

Speaking of Andy, he’s on the phone with me now. He may be coming over later.

Nervous probably won’t call til after my birthday cuz of the nasty things I’ve said. He’ll try to avoid giving me a ride cuz it’s for Chanukah and my birthday and he’ll never get me a gift. That’s how obsessive males are. They always figure they’re owed something in return.

I haven’t shit in a week and I don’t know why. I’ve taken my Medimucal and have eaten a lot. The Navane causes that and the doctor says once you cut down or stop, the side effects get worse before they get better, so I’ll have to suffer for a while longer. Probably won’t shit for another week or two.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 1988 I got up at 7:15 after having some very unpleasant dreams.

Sure enough, there was a message on my machine from Andy. I think I remember hearing it when he called, but I was just too damn tired, and I figured that once I was fully awake after talking with him, I’d never go back to sleep.

I had woken up at 1:00 to go pee and get some cookies and something to drink and the cat was so funny. She came over to where I was sitting at the kitchen table and squinted up at me through half-closed eyes. You could see she had definitely been sound asleep and wasn’t used to the bright lights yet, but as soon as I get up, she does too. Every morning it’s the same routine. I get up, go into the bathroom, close the door and she waits outside the door and meows. When I come out, she follows me into the kitchen where she demands to be petted and loved and then I feed her. After that it’s playtime. I have the same routine for waking up in the morning. Coffee, then music.

I also woke up last night at 3:00 to smoke maybe 6 drags off a cigarette, then again at 4:30.

Later…

Today’s the day I go for my interview at the school department on State St. I hope they need me full-time cuz I’m gonna have some free time till I move.

Later, I’ve got to call Mansfield about my written exam and the temporary permit I was supposed to have received in the mail a long time ago. I thought the director was supposed to get back to me, but she hasn’t yet.

December 3rd is gonna be one miserable day with having to put up with the mouth and crazy driving.

I want to hurry up and move so badly. Tammy says she highly doubts I’ll be here when the summer comes, but who knows? I didn’t think I’d still be here now.

I hope this court case gets dropped if I don’t drop it myself by not showing up. Everyone says it’ll get dropped and that they just want to waste my time. That’s males for you. My lawyer’s an asshole. A typical male for sure. I’m glad I’m gay. I really am. It may be hard to find a woman who’s gay, let alone a good one, but 98% of males are jerks. Statistics say so many wives and girlfriends get abused by their boyfriends or husbands.

Al dumped me simply cuz I wasn’t good enough for him, cuz of my past and cuz he couldn’t get it in there. He was very negative and there was always something wrong with me. He can have a happy life, cuz he’ll never get a decent woman, nor is he capable of loving anyone.

Later…

I’m gonna be volunteering at one of the schools doing library assisting, Monday, Wednesday & Thursday. Also, if they need me to speak sign language or Spanish, they’ll let me know. She also said sometimes for the holidays they need singers.

I called Al before I left and told him how I feel. All I want to do is make him happy and be happy as well. I want him to give me a chance to show I care and want him to try to care for me. I know what I did wrong back then and would never repeat my mistakes. I realize I may have had some problems, but he ran away as if he didn’t care. I didn’t mean to scare him away, but I just wish he’d open up and be more encouraging, not so negative. I would never hurt him. I just want to spend the night in his arms with good things to talk about. I want to feel cared for and I want to care for him. I know he’d never marry and have kids with me, and I accept that. He says he’s gonna call me later. If he does, he’ll never come over.

Later…

I just got Gloria’s album Otro Vez and I can’t believe how much I understand. The picture of her on the back cover looks pitiful. She had short hair, seemed plump and looked like Liza Manelli. There was this other girl too, but Gloria looked awful. They’re supposed to send me the other one called Rio soon. They’re temporarily out of stock of it. I owe them $10 for this album and tomorrow or Friday I’ve got to go to get the two 12” records I ordered.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 1988 Today at 3:00, I have to see Dr. Osborne. That sucks.

Tomorrow I go for an interview at the school dept. I wonder what they will need me to do.

I just called Elizabeth who says she’s gonna have some photocopying but isn’t sure when she’ll have the stuff ready but will call me today or tomorrow to let me know for sure. Probably Wednesday.

Last night I called Tammy and even sang for her a little on the phone. I told her I wanted a music book for my birthday. Either Canciones De Mi Padre or Madonna. Hope she gets it.

I still don’t know what to get my family and friends but I don’t think I’m gonna shop till next month. Around December 1st I’ll start my gift shopping.

Later…

I just called Tammy and told her that Philip can’t bring me down to her place on December 3rd cuz he’s going to Mexico. If not, I’ll be on the bus.

Tammy said, “Just use Nervous. It’ll be only for an hour and a half. “

No way, I told her. He’s too pushy, never shuts up, drives like a maniac and I just don’t trust his car.

Tammy said she’ll get back to me.

Nervous says he’s gonna get me a keyboard but I doubt it, and if he does, he better not expect me to kiss his ass cuz things aren’t gonna change.

Oh God, what’s he gonna do when I move? He’ll just die. I’ll give him my address and number but I really don’t want to see him. I will, however, talk to him on the phone. Why not? He’ll be paying and he’s more tolerable on the phone than in person. If I ever let him see me inside my apartment or in the neighborhood, he’ll no doubt be awfully curious and will probably spy. I hope he does. The thought amuses me.

Later…

I called for bus fare info just in case and the prices are outrageous. $20 one-way and $38 round-trip. Ridiculous. I’ll get down there somehow.

In 20 minutes or so I’ve got to catch the bus downtown, then transfer to the Feeding Hills bus. What sucks is that I’m gonna have to wait for a half-hour for the doctor and then 40-45 minutes for the bus afterward.

Later…

I am now at Osborne’s waiting to see the “Wizard of Oz.” I think I just saw Debbie, the little jerk.

When I got off the bus I went to Dunkin Donuts cuz I knew I had time to kill and I’ll have plenty of it to kill after I see Oz, too. Before I got on the Feeding Hills bus I went into Johnson’s and bought more journals. A big one and a little one. The prettiest one of all has no lines.

It’s about 3:00 now and I hope he’s not late as all doctors are. But then again it really doesn’t matter cuz the next bus isn’t till 4:00. After I see him I’ll be damned if I’ll wait outside. It’s too windy. I’ll wait in here.

I’ve been thinking about moving a lot lately. Yes, I really do want to move. And fast. But it’ll no doubt take several more months.

Later…

I just saw Ozzy and now I’m waiting for the bus. He’s a really nice guy. He says I’ve come a long way and have been through a lot. He agrees I am a survivor and can handle anything. He also says I definitely must stop the Navane. He understands it’ll be difficult but that it’s important to reverse the tardive dyskinesia. He gave me some tea which I’ll finish now, then go to the bus stop.

Later…

I am home now and I just ate 3 pieces of chicken, some rice and some green beans. Next, I’ll take my meds and my vitamins.

Some crazy wacko was running her mouth at the bus stop about the shelter she’s living in and the job she wants. Some people are weird. Reminds me of Nervo.

Wednesday I can’t forget to watch my show Unsolved Mysteries. I missed it last week.

I wonder when the people’s daughter, son and grandson upstairs are gonna move out. Their footsteps are obnoxious. Drunkie downstairs would just love it.

This morning, shortly before 8:30 I heard the bitch next door go out for work and I called her to make her run back inside, then hung up. She probably thinks she just got to the phone too late and will be wondering all day who it could’ve been.

Well, tonight is when Ma calls so I’ll postpone my shower till after she calls. Tammy has to get back to me, too.

Later…

The phone rang, I picked it up and said, “Hi ma.”

The reply was, “Wrong. It’s Elizabeth.” She was laughing and said she certainly wasn’t expecting that. She says she’s got no work for me this week but next Tues. she thinks she does.

I also told her I was apprehensive about being the office manager but says she’ll hang around at first till I get the hang of it. Also, Cheryl will be there. She said they’ll make sure I know what to do and that I’m enjoying it or else I can do something else. I told her that I’m sure I’ll enjoy it and that once I get started it’ll be easy.

I just remembered Andy’s calling tonight too, along with Nervous, as usual. He’ll never fail to forget to call.

Later…

Dad just called. He sounds good. I told him what I wanted but I guess they’re sending me money instead.

I discussed the progress I’ve been making on my piano and told him the two things that were the most shocking. One, my getting the voice to sing and two, their being on my side.

I told him I pictured him being part of an interview someday where a guy says to my father, “She says she’s so glad she has enough money now so she can take you out to dinner.” I can just see the expression on my father’s face. Dad said it’ll come in time. He seems so sure of me.

Later…

Tammy just called. No one can give me a ride to Salem! I gotta go with Nervous! Shit! Damn! Fuck! Why do I always end up having to use that low-life scum? He’ll never shut up. He’ll get us killed or his car will break down. Well, just think, soon I’ll be moved and I’ll be through with him.

Andy better not call me when I’m sleeping or else!

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 1988 Yesterday I had a long day at Channel 57. I canceled my check-up so I could work longer but will reschedule after Turkey Day for sure.

Andy called and told me not to think he died but that he’s had company all weekend. A bunch of relatives are coming to see his sister and her baby. So he won’t be calling me till Monday.

Tammy also called to say that she wants me to get a ride down to her place on December 3rd for a Chanukah dinner, then stay overnight and celebrate my b-day the next day which will be a Sunday.

How? I don’t know if Philip will be able to get me down there. I’ll never ask Nervous but Tammy said to just use him for the ride and she’ll send him right back home afterward. I never want to have to use him to drive me anywhere and take the chance of getting killed or his car breaking down and I couldn’t stand to put up with him that long. He’ll never shut up and he’s a little pushy bastard!

She says she doesn’t know if Mom and Dad are even coming home this winter for the holidays and the store. She says she hasn’t heard one way or the other. It doesn’t look like they’ll be coming back until April. But then again, I thought I remembered Dad saying they would be here one time in the van as he was bringing me home from somewhere. Every other winter they’ve come in.

I changed the bedroom around to the way it was before I discovered this spider nest.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1988 I fell asleep very early last night but kept waking up for 3 reasons. One is that the phone kept ringing. Two is cuz I kept having to pee after taking my water pill. Three is I kept having these weird dreams.

Last night I had this really weird dream about Nervous. Apparently, in this dream, I owned my own home which had a basement and a first floor. I was in the basement which was a long room lined with small windows along a wall that was a little over my head. I was going through some old clothes when I heard a car and said to myself, That’s Nervous’s car. I know it is.

I turned off all the lights and stood behind some furniture in the center of the room and waited. Sure enough, I heard him shuffling through the grass and saw him walk up to the farthest window at the very end of the room where my stereo was. He just stood there and waited, no doubt hoping I’d come down to listen to my stereo.

Next thing I know he was in the cellar with me, the lights were on, and I was telling him I heard his car and saw him walk up to the window. He stood there laughing. Then there was a double-size bed near the stereo and I was lying on it starting to feel very sleepy and he was sitting on the other side of it. All of a sudden he had his arms around me and asked, “Is this wrong?”

I got up off the bed and said, “Yes, this is wrong. You sleep here and I’ll go upstairs to sleep in my bedroom. When you get up in the morning, wake me up and I’ll let you out.”

But then he started to get up off the bed and follow me and said, “Let’s talk.”

Then the phone rang and I said, “Who the fuck is that at this hour? You answer it.”

Later…

I called Dee to see if she could do my hair, and she said to come in at 11:00. I want it trimmed so that it’s one length, although I don’t think I look really terrible with my short hair layered. Maybe if I grew my hair long again I’d look too much like a little girl. I know I’ll definitely keep the front short with layered bangs, but I guess I do really miss my length and it’s gonna take me about 5 years to get it even and to the middle of my back.

I was thinking I may walk up to Shopper’s for my Femstat and have breakfast at the deli next door.

Later…

I just had my hair evened out and it looks really nice. I also bought this shampoo which she used to make my hair really soft.

I was also up at the deli where I got eggs and toast and some coffee. Tony, the cop I know, was there and as usual, he teased my ass like crazy.

Elizabeth is coming over tonight with envelopes for me to stuff.

I told Nervous last night to call me around 8:00 so he can take me food shopping.

I’ve got to tell Nervo about the dream I had last night. He should definitely get a kick out of it. Probably wish it could be true, too. Getting his arms around me, staying overnight.

I bought some more clothes from Goodwill. A bra, two pairs of sweatpants, pajamas and another nightie, which is so tiny and fits me perfectly.

By the way, speaking of the weight I lost, even Tony noticed it too. It’s a little scary in a way, though, cuz every summer I automatically lose 10-15 pounds. This summer I certainly can’t afford to lose one more pound! I’d be bones.

Mary Lou just called saying I needed to see Dr. Osborne Monday at 3:00 cuz I never saw Dr. Moshiri. That means I can’t see her and that sucks.

Also, I’m gonna write to Medicare about their crazy policy that the therapists can’t come to our homes. We have to go there which sucks cuz not everyone has a car and it’s not easy for the therapists either.

I just finished having a whole can of sardines, 10 pieces of bacon and a bagel with cream cheese.

Right now I must go call Elizabeth and ask her to please try to bring my paperwork earlier.

Later…

Tomorrow at 9:00 I have to go to Channel 57 to do the work I was supposed to do here at home. Elizabeth says she was having trouble with her printing machine. Also, Channel 57 voted me volunteer of the month, therefore I’m to have my picture in their magazine with a few paragraphs about me.

Tomorrow I also have to get a dental check-up at the Holyoke Mall. I would never ask Nervous to drive me with the sick way he drives, nor could I stand to have to put up with him that long.

Nervo may be calling soon. I don’t need or want him to take me to Food Mart.

I wonder where Sasha is. Must be hiding out sleeping either under the bed or under the couch or chairs in the living room. 95% of the time, though, she’s on the bed.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 1988 If I don’t get to sleep I’ll never make it to my appointment in the morning. Also, at 2:30 I have to see a GYN. A male. I hate these painful exams!

There are so many things up in the air right now and so many questions. What will happen in court? What will happen with the dating service? What’s my future gonna be? What’s gonna happen if no other medication but the Navane will work?

Later…

Well, Nervous called me at 7:30 but I fell back asleep so I missed my appointment. I rescheduled it for Dec. 1st.

Hopefully tonight I’ll be going to Food Mart. I’ve been out of soda and milk and want to get some TV dinners. Also, I should get some light bulbs cuz I have no more and if the lamp in the bedroom burns out, then I’m stuck.

This afternoon at 2:30 I’m definitely going to my GYN appointment to take care of this yeast infection. I’ll walk there. They’re not too far from here. I’ll probably leave between 1:45 and 2:00.

I wonder if that gay taxi driver, Linda, is gonna call today? I never know if Maria will ever call. Why can’t she just be honest? Why she ever gave me her phone number totally baffles me. It even shocked Andy. Andy says Maria hasn’t even called Bev.

I’ve got a package of bacon in the refrigerator that I think I’m gonna go make up now, along with a bagel for breakfast.

Later…

Believe it or not, I just got a call from the school department. This woman wants me to come in for an interview for volunteer work. She says she’s not in need of an interpreter but would like to discuss the possibility of me doing something else. That’d be great. It’ll keep me busy. I hope. I hope it’s full-time. I’m going crazy just sitting here every day going nowhere but to doctors and doing errands.

I spoke to Mary C also. She was watching a movie on HBO and says her son William is sick and she just brought him home from the doctor’s.

She said she may take a drive over later. Yeah, sure. She damn well better plan on giving me back my black sweatpants she took the last time I saw her. Either way, she is going to return them and never again will she be allowed to borrow one single thing.

I think now I’m gonna take a walk to the store. I’m dying for some soda.

Later…

I took a bath and shaved, then I ran to the store for some soda and a hamburger.

In a little more than a half-hour from now, I’m gonna start walking over to Ridgewood Terrace for the crotch doctor which I dread. Another male touching my body. It’s so painful, too.

The mailman just came, but not with Gloria’s records I ordered, so I sent them back.

Some stupid Puerto Rican is outside honking its horn as usual. I’m so sick of this neighborhood. After growing up in beautiful areas, I miss it, and it’s time to move. That is for sure. When I move I won’t have to worry about leaving my doors open or anything. I highly doubt I will associate with Nervous when I move. I won’t need him and it wouldn’t be the greatest idea for him or for me. He’ll always be lonely with no woman and no friends and when I move, or possibly before, maybe he’ll realize why. He’s such a sad case. Que lastima.

Later…

I am at the doctor’s office now and the secretary seems kind and reassuring but I still hate to go through this shit.

It’s almost 3:00 but the doctor is running late as usual. Aren’t all doctors always late?

Mrs. Witherspoon from the 4th floor drove me here. I called for a taxi but it never came and the dispatcher couldn’t page Linda.

Later…

Well, the exam went ok and yes, as usual, I do have a yeast infection.

The dispatcher could never page Linda the gay driver so I got a different driver to go home. It cost me $2.

It seemed so dark all day. Even at 2:00. It’s not even 5:00 and it’s already just about pitch dark.

I hope Elizabeth will be willing to meet me at Montpelier St. tomorrow night a little earlier when she brings to me those envelopes she wants me to stuff. She’ll never be able to see me nor I see her if it’s too dark.

I hope Nervous calls soon. I do want to go to Food Mart. Never would I ask him to take me anywhere during the daytime. That’s when he’s always in his fucked-up mood and is so agitated and acts and talks like a two-year-old. I wonder why the daytime makes him more nervous. Several mornings ago he was extremely wound up but I’m quite sure that was cuz Fran had spent the night which he’s been dying to do. The first question out of his mouth when he called was, “Is monkey brain still there?”

I wouldn’t put it past him to come down to Norwich and say, “My car broke down. Can I stay the night?”

He’ll never get to stay the night, and if he comes to see me against my wishes I’ll kick his ass.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 1988 Nervous brought Sasha back last night. I really missed her although I never thought I would. I just hope the inspector doesn’t decide to double-check. Unfortunately, Carabetta allows no pets. Which is stupid. What if they were animals? Would they like to be homeless and out on the streets?

Also last night, Andy came over to teach me more songs. I’ve learned Talk To Me completely now and he also showed me some of If I Were You. I know Sara completely but need to finish learning La Isla Bonita. I attempted today to learn the song Piano Man by myself from an old book I’ve had for ages but it sure isn’t easy. I’m sure I’ll get it someday soon, though.

Today Andy called, but the answering machine picked up his call cuz I was in the shower. I knew it was him right away by the way he was singing at the top of his lungs. He and I both are crazy.

Nervous will no doubt call later.

Today I went to see my new therapist Mary Lou. She was ok. Nothing bad, but nothing spectacular. I ran my mouth quite a bit to her and she says I’m interesting.

Also today I was looking to buy a denim mini skirt, size 14 in girls, but they didn’t have a fitting room so I never bought it.

Before going to see Mary Lou I had a few minutes to kill so I looked in Falcetti’s for a music book, but I didn’t like the way this Madonna book was written and they have a shitty music selection, so I bought nothing there either.

I’ve been tired all day and I think I need to go eat now.

Later…

Nervous called. He didn’t have much to say. Just the usual about how he’s so busy running around here, there and everywhere. According to him, he was looking in a music store in the Eastfield Mall where they sell Yamaha keyboards. I wonder why cuz I told him to forget about that and instead just give me $100 for my birthday and Chanukah so I can pay for my dating service. Both would be nice, but that’s a little too much to ask for and that’d surely leave him broke and he’d end up evicted again.

Tomorrow morning at 9:30 I have an appointment with my asthma doctor in which I’m gonna have a taxi driver, who’s gay, that I met over the phone drive me cuz there’s no bus stop near their new office. I’m curious to see what she looks like. Probably butchy. She sounds like it just from talking to her over the phone. She’s had a girlfriend for 5 years she said.

Yesterday morning I called Maria at the bank where she works cuz I couldn’t get a hold of her for quite a while, and as usual, she hasn’t called me. I can’t believe she ever even gave me her phone number. Neither can Andy. Well, anyway, she says maybe sometime this week we can go see a movie. Yeah, sure! Why can’t she just be honest?

Later…

I just got off the phone with Nervous and right now I’m on the phone with Andy.

Emily really pisses me off. She never calls and therefore I’ll be damned if I’m ever gonna call her again. She’s busy, she’s tired. That’s a lie. She’s got time for other people and places. Like her friends Maria and Sylvia. She totally ignored me when I went to see her up at Shopper’s. Especially when Sylvia came in, as I may’ve mentioned before. I’m not even gonna say goodbye when I move.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 1988 I called the dating service and she really reassured me, although there are no guarantees, but time will tell.

Friday I got a promotion from Channel 57. Instead of answering phones I’m gonna be the office manager. My job will be to help other girls with any problems they may have, tally up pledges and enter them into a book.

Wednesday of next week, Elizabeth is gonna bring over some envelopes to stuff.

Unfortunately, everything’s closed today but I’ll be going up to Shopper’s Drug today to see Emily.

Earlier this morning I scrubbed the kitchen floor 3 times as it was filthier than filthy, sang a little, and I hope to hell the inspector comes tomorrow and that Nervous calls so he can bring the cat back.

Am I very sorry I reunited as friends with Nervo! He’s his same old self. Pitiful. The way he drove to New Britain scared the shit out of me and he got us lost as usual after saying he knew where to go. I think maybe he did that deliberately, hoping they’d tell me it was too late whenever I got there and to come back another time. That way he could spend the day with me again.

He freaked out yesterday morning on the phone no doubt cuz Fran was here overnight, and after I get Sasha back I don’t want to associate with him again. I have learned my lesson. It took some time but he is a male and that’s the way they all are. Sick.

Later…

I went up to see Emily and I want nothing more to do with her either. She totally ignored me but when her pal Sylvia came in she jumped for joy. She’s totally abandoned our friendship. Ever since last year. But she has other friends she sees and calls all the time but she never calls me. Maybe she’ll get the hint when she never receives any more phone calls from me.

Believe it or not, I just got Mary C’s number. Yes, she’s still married to John and says she’s got 8 more weeks and 6 days till she has another baby. She says it’s John’s but told me a long time ago he couldn’t make anymore cuz he had a vasectomy. I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t by cheating. She’s cheated on him numerous times in the past. That’s why it surprised me when they got married.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 1988 Last night I took that medication again that Dr. Moshiri gave me and once again it put me right to sleep at 10:00. At 2:00 Andy called and I stayed up to reverse my schedule cuz yesterday I slept all day and never went to Channel 57. Today I have to go at 10:00, then at noon, I’m going to New Britain to that dating service. I have to be there at 1:00. But I couldn’t believe how that medication really calmed me down and took away all my anxiety.

Right now I have the hiccups.

Nervous bought me corrective tape cuz I typed him a business letter so I could easily erase any mistakes I made.

Yesterday morning I tried to call my sister but her line was busy for ages. I may call her tonight to tell her about today’s trip, but then again I don’t think she gives a damn. Oh well.

I called the doctor about my vaginal problem explaining I didn’t ever plan to have a relationship again with a male and that I preferred women and he said I shouldn’t even bother to do anything about the problem. He said not to force myself to do or be what I can’t. Do whatever’s natural for me and that’s being gay. I could never be straight and feel comfortable physically or mentally. Never. He’s right. He’s definitely got a point although I’d feel happier knowing that my problem was taken care of and it would surely help with everything else with a woman.

Nervous said he ran into Mary C and that she’s pregnant again. I’m not surprised, but it can’t be by John cuz she told me he supposedly had a vasectomy done. She’ll never make it with him cuz she has always cheated on him before, during and after their marriage and he’s a jerk. I never got her phone number but I don’t want it. She was never a friend. She only came over here when she wanted something.

I wish I could sleep now till 8:00 or 8:30 but I won’t chance it cuz I may never wake up and I must go to Channel 57!

Later…

I did stay up all night and right now I am at Channel 57 waiting for my boss Elizabeth who is still in a meeting.

After my work is done, and I sure as hell hope I get done before noon, I am going to New Britain.

Well, I am really very tired but I’d best ignore it cuz I have a long day ahead. I know I want to get something to eat either before my interview or right after. I’m starving! I’m so nerved up, too.

Andy says he’ll call me tonight and that he’ll be anxious to hear about how today will go. I’m quite curious myself about what will develop. Maybe not much. I think I’m dreaming an impossible dream which is something I seem to have done all my life and probably always will. All I get are jerks. Never can attract or hang onto the decent people.

I still don’t like the idea of spending the day with Nervioso. He’s a pain in the ass.

Later…

Sure enough, Nervous’s car did break down so he got a rental car and we are now heading for New Britain so my handwriting is awfully shaky.

Later…

Well, this place I went to definitely doesn’t seem like a rip-off but it is costly! $295, but to me, it’s worth it cuz as she agreed with me if you go to a bar all you’ll get is druggies and drunks who want one-night stands and may have aids. Also, I could put an ad in the Advocate for $35 and never know what I’m getting.

I filled out a personality questionnaire and discussed my hobbies, goals and interests and what attracts me sexually. All this info will be matched up with other woman’s info, and they will give me 3 people to meet that they feel are compatible with me.

I still have my fears and doubts, though. Will I ever find the right person? Someone who’ll attract me sexually like Gloria? If they’re the right person for me will they find me attractive? Will there be too many things wrong with the person? Will I get Miss Right and lose her cuz of my past or present problems?

Time will tell if this really is the answer or not. Another fear I have is what if the 3 women I meet are all wrong for me and I have to pay an additional $295 to meet 3 more? Can I cancel my membership when and if I find the right person? Will I have to pay a renewal fee? They weren’t very clear on all this.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 1988 I am now at the Laundromat.

I have a busy week. Tomorrow I see Mary Lou at 2:15. Wednesday I work for Channel 57. Thursday I go out of town to New Britain. And last but not least, Friday I see Dr. Moshiri, who I shall bitch out from head to toe.

Sometime this week I’d like to do some gift shopping for the family and also get my hair trimmed and basically just evened out.

Can’t wait till Mom calls tonight, I have lots to tell her.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 1988 Tomorrow morning I’m going to do laundry at Nervous’s rooming house. I told him to go get his breakfast while I’m doing it so he doesn’t bug me. He said ok.

Andy’s sister Marla flew in tonight from California with her 4-month-old son, so Andy was psyched.

I wonder when the hell I’ll ever move. Yes, I’ll miss people here in Springfield, but I really do want to hurry up and move so I can be near my sister and nieces. I sure hope I’m able to get a lucky break in music somehow, someway, with or without Tammy’s help.

I’ve got to get a much more positive attitude. I can’t give up my singing even if Tammy continues to think I’m hopeless or if I have a few failures. Being too negative so much is going to get me nowhere. It’s what I’ve always wanted. It’s time to be a doer, not a dreamer. It’s soon or never. I won’t settle for anything else. I love to sing and now have a voice I never thought I’d ever have.

I also really want to improve my piano, guitar and Spanish by studying more and practicing my ass off. No more being so lazy.

Nervous said he’s looking for a portable organ like Andy’s which I love to death, but it may be just too expensive and I surely don’t want to see him get evicted again. I’m dying for one, though.

I was supposed to call yesterday for an appointment today to have gotten my hair evened out but now I’ll have to wait till Tuesday. They’re closed Sundays and Mondays.

Monday night is when Ma calls. Also Monday I’ll have to call La Baron. They sent me a bill for $1,068 and I’m not paying a dime. They never should’ve let me into school without approving my application for financial aid first. I’ll also call the people I filled out the application with. They’re also responsible. She was supposed to have contacted me and it looks like I may have to take them to court and hopefully sue them for the $561 that I paid to get into Mansfield for my manicuring course. They should definitely pay me.

Also Nervous is taking me to New Britain, CT to a service for gay women to meet other gay women. I just hope his car doesn’t break down in the middle of the highway or I’ll die.

Later…

I am still wide awake. I just did some reading and before that, I played my keyboard and guitar.

I ordered Gloria’s two Spanish albums Rio and Otro Vez.

Today, if I don’t sleep all day, I’m gonna do laundry, but if I do I can always do it later on tonight.

I called Fran’s old foster father and left a message for him to call me. I haven’t seen him in ages. Why is it that he only comes to visit once in a lifetime? Last time was when he bought the TV from me.

Rather than go to Johnson’s maybe I should go to McRory’s in the Eastfield Mall across from my mom’s store. It’s bigger, better and much cheaper and they have everything. I’m almost positive I’d find some really nice things there for the kids and some nice things for everyone else.

Sometimes I wonder if I should call about getting my vaginismus cured cuz it would make me happy and maybe it’s just a waste of time being gay, even if it’s not a choice.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 1988 I’m cooking a piece of lamb. Actually, before that, I just walked in. I had been out with Andy.

I slept all day today and never got my laundry done. Never called Channel 57 or mailed this letter I wrote to someone, but Nervous is mailing it. He was over earlier and we had a nice chat.

Before 6:00 Cecelia came over. We had a nice chat too in ASL and I did tell her I was moving. She said hopefully she could come to visit me.

Anna next door woke me up at 2:00 this afternoon to ask me about a phone call she got very early this morning from some girl who knew her name was Anna, and I guess used my name, by asking her if she knew me, but Anna hung up saying, “I don’t know who you are.”

I know nothing about it, I told her.

I spoke to Nervous today who may know of someone to take Sasha. Also, I spoke to Andy who should be calling any second.

Earlier I fell asleep and dreamt that my mother sent me puppies in the mail. Weird, huh?

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 1988 The stupid males in court today want desperately to waste my time and so this case is being brought before a jury of 6 and then possibly to trial. Either way, I’m sure it’ll be dismissed and by the time the final court date comes up I’ll be moved and they can have a default warrant out for me for the rest of my life, cuz what are my chances of being picked up if I were to come to Springfield for a day or two? None. And how many cops know me by face and name? Maybe 3 cops, and it’s very unlikely that we’ll run into each other.

Today I also confronted Pig Corcoran, or whatever the fuck his name really is, with the sexually harassing phone calls I got and asked him if he knew anything about it and he said no and that he wouldn’t do that. Yeah, sure. Quite a coincidence don’t you think? I know it was him or somebody he put up to it.

I called that gay dating service for women, and according to them, their nearest offices are either Framingham, MA or Great Britain, CT. No way to get there by bus or by anyone else. Tammy says they’re a total rip-off. She said she went through a Jewish dating service to find Bill cuz she wanted her children raised as Jews. But to me what you are is what you are, and I don’t believe in that or religion. People are people are people.

Tammy said to place an ad in the personals section of the Advocate but to get a PO box address. I may someday if nothing else works.

Guess what? This will come as a surprise to you as it did to me but I called Maria at work explaining that I knew and realized that I did wrong, and wanted her to understand and to feel free to confront me with any problems rather than to be scared and run away, and that once the problem is discussed, I would never make the same mistake again. I try not to anyway. So she said it was that I was too forward and scared her away and I then explained to her that when you’re alone so much and you get an opportunity to talk, you talk. I said that maybe I threw up my past in her face out of fear and that rather than be too shy I was trying to make friendly conversation for our first visit, and I also didn’t want to seem rude by ignoring her questions. She did seem to understand fully and mentioned my trusting her enough the first time we met to take her home with me and I said that I learned to tell the good ones from the bad ones and told her about Mary D, who attempted to attack me for prank calling her. She said that was awful and seemed to understand why I crawled into this little shell.

The sicko (Mary) came over for her record and started trashing the place before she turned on me, knocked me down, then ran.

I also told her what I heard about Bev and that I heard she wanted Bev, and she denied it saying her lips were sealed and she wouldn’t repeat any of it to Bev. I told this to Andy who got pissed at me fearing there was a good 98% chance that Maria would definitely go to Bev and that Bev would go to Andy all pissed off. I did not realize at the time that what I said could be harmful but to me, it is a test of trust and honesty.

Maria told me that she doesn’t have many friends herself and sometimes needs someone to talk to and would like to go to the movies or the mall and that when I called her at work upset about the barrette she was about to apologize and explain why she couldn’t come over, but I didn’t give her a chance and hung up, assuming she didn’t care, and I explained she was right cuz of past experience.

Andy, however, does believe that she wants Bev and that she put a hickey on Bev’s neck, though Maria denied it, saying she didn’t know Bev well, didn’t see much of her and has only known her for 6 months. Well, time will tell whether she’s a liar or she is honest.

The thing she did that really shocked me the most was give me her phone number. I told her I was so sorry for calling her at work, her place of business and she said not to worry about it at all and that if I had a problem to call her at work or home. She told me she usually gets home after 6 PM on weekdays. I certainly am not going to bug her or burden her in any way but in the long run, I still believe this will never be a sexual relationship and that she is still young and unaware of her sexuality. Bev, boyfriend, or not, she just wants to be strictly friends and that’s ok. Better than nothing.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 1988 I’ve been up all night cuz I was afraid to go to sleep and not hear the alarm in time to go to court today for the little macho bully male pig.

I slept all night yesterday plus all day due to that fucking medication the shrink gave me.

I’m reading a book about people with sexual dysfunctions who go into therapy and use sex surrogates to cure their problems and I have decided to seek help for the problem I have where it’s too painful for a male to penetrate me which I read is called vaginismus caused by an obstruction or the walls of the vagina involuntarily tightening. I believe it would make me happier to solve the problem, and yes, I do sometimes wish I were straight and could marry a great guy and have a baby but it all goes back to my not being attracted to men. Yet I’d probably get an ugly female and I still believe that male or female I’d only get an asshole, and 98% of the males are assholes, so it’s mostly women that have assholes or are going to get them, not just me.

I know they don’t use sex surrogates here in Springfield. Most places don’t cuz they consider it prostitution, although I think in some cases, such as mine, it’s very helpful. I hope they can help me by just talking to me, but if I’m stupid enough to fall for a male, what if they rape me or beat me or steal from me or are like Ron, Nervous or Al? That’s all I get. What if I got another woman like Mary? I’ll never get a woman like Gloria. Never.

But I also decided that today I just might call that dating service for gay women called Woman To Woman. I hope I can afford it and if they give me a decent woman and I lose her or they give me a jerk, I want my money back.

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jett-dawson · 3 years

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— ANDERSHAW RANT

so i’m currently in a big andershaw mood. i really really love them. watching episodes five and six makes me so happy. i know this show is still finding its way, i know the drama isn’t super solid and i know the eps are only five minutes long. but i’m just trying to find happiness in what we’ve got. and while jella is obviously just such an iconic and strong ship, i feel like andershaw deserves some love & light as well. hell, they’re still lowkey underrated? even after the episodes? idk but anyways

after reading skyler and ruby’s i was like wait wait. these two bios feel like two different puzzle pieces. pieces that attach? they literally fit so well. ruby is this bold girl. mega aries energy. rainbow dash type beat. she is the girl who makes sure to put loving, supportive energy into her friends no matter what. shes there to hype them up when and if they need it. shes there to put extra flair onto their outfits and just be that very very cool gal. skyler is the shy one. cancer energy. fluttershy type beat. shes timid yet smart, shy and lowkey insecure. she’s not fully sure of herself. shes still finding her feet. shes still looking for the moment where she’s fully ready to shine. she just needs a boost. she needs confidence. she needs support. and yes of course she could get that from any of her friends but like. ruby is literally branded around being the hype friend!! how fitting is that! plus they’re literally just the definition of red and blue gays i’m sorry but it had to be said

then episodes five and six dropped. these episodes really strengthened their bond. seriously. whether you ship it or not, they are now closer than ever. think about it! skyler just lost the love of her life, who she had been dating for like three years, in the most crappiest way possible. who ran after her to comfort her? ruby. but ruby lowkey kinda just got let down as well. she got to go on a date with this “cute” boy from her class. she was excited for the party. she was hyped up, she ran over to her roomies to get excited with them. she was willing to vlog with him. all for him to turn out to be a fraud, not only to her but to her friend. but what did she do? put all of her energy into skyler. WHICH ISNT A SURPRISE. their bios do foreshadow the show, believe it or not. we knew poppy was going to have some sort of dynamic going on with the A’s. we knew sunny was going to have her own cartoon that she works on of her friends. we knew all of this! and you could say the same about the wave two bios, foreshadowing violet/karma drama, amaya coming into a school with an unexpected setting, etc.

but like. think about it. they could’ve had any of the girls go to comfort skyler. they could’ve had jade go, bella go, heck, even sunny! but they chose jade. bc thats her character. she cares. she cares enough. she knew just what to say. she knew the moment skyler started spewing junk abt colin being the reason she got into rainbow high, it was all false. she knew just what to say to help skyler. and immediately was like hey look. ur makeup is running. you’re upset. you don’t deserve this. let’s have a makeover together. and made a cute ass montage of them being in love and doing makeup and hair. bro they put each other’s initials on each others outfits!! that’s what ruby’s bio meant! she knows how to add flair to anyone’s looks! she gave skyler a bit of a makeover!! foreshadowing!!!!

and yet she supported skyler’s speech on the stage. she convinced skyler that colin isn’t worth her time or energy and that they should just turn their colour up and vibe. they didn’t have to do that. they seriously didn’t. opposites ships like these are always the death of me. you see that with jella! opposites in a way!! you see it with other ships from other shows.. ex. rarijack and flutterdash (since i was referencing mlp earlier lol). they just work. it’s the balance. the time. the effort and energy they put in together. and i love it.

and i feel like andershaw is one of the only canon dynamics that have gotten a lot of attention.. other than jella and sky/violet. like the roommates have cute bonds as well but we haven’t seen a lot of them have major like... heartfelt turn of events. i mean i do love the cute moment of skyler supporting sunny during episode one. i do like the dynamic of ruby and violet having the spa nights on thursdays and being the ones invested in vlogging and stuff. that’s cute! but andershaw had like a heartfelt turn of events that strengthened their bond. and it’s not a surprise to me because their bios!! make sense!!!

sky/river seems like an interesting take. i mean all we’ve known is them sharing the 22 and then seeing each other and knowing each other which is cute!! but i guess i just can’t get into it?? idk. like. i usually almost always find straight couples being weak in kids cartoons bc companies usually only throw in males for the purpose of being a love interest and almost nothing else. so i’m used to finding no interest in straight couples for the reason that their bonds are as strong as the main characters friendships! and this is usually in like girl power shows like mlp, precure, winx, eah, mh, etc. like i do love the het couples of eah and mh ngl. rosabella and daring? clawd and draculaura? ashlynn and hunter? deuce and cleo? love to see them. but i guess another factor in it is that we rarely ever get LGBT rep in kid shows like these and. i love to see myself represented in the things i love and cmon man the school is literally called rainbow high. we have to at least have one gay, cmon. please mga

anyways. i wonder what will happen to river tho. i feel like i can get into it if they develop out their relationship while also actually giving river a personality lol. i do love how hes into performing arts though. you don’t see a guy being into performing represented in cartoons every day. but i also wonder if the amaya/river theory will come true. half upset bc id expect someones theme that is literally based off of the rainbow would be gay but. i also love andershaw so NDMDNDJ it’s ok. i ship andershaw no matter what! i wonder what will happen, and if couples will even be a prominent thing in the shows future. i mean... i wouldn’t doubt it? if not, kia would serve like no other purpose as of rn lol. anyways. i love my gays and i’ll probably rant about them another time

#rainbow high #rainbowhigh #rainbow high dolls #andershaw #skyler x ruby #ruby x skyler #ruby anderson #skyler bradshaw

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atths--twice · 4 years

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Bare Essentials

Last March, the discussion on Thursday during #tbtXFiles turned to why Mulder looked “un-Mulderish,” in Signs and Wonders, and lost luggage was mentioned, I became intrigued. I had never noticed his clothes, I don’t think. This is not an episode I generally put on, so I was taken aback. After it was mentioned, it was ALL I saw. So, thanks to a friend for piquing my interest, it brought about this story. Hope you enjoy it.

Arriving in Blessing, Tennessee, Mulder and Scully discover their bags have not arrived with them.

Blessing, Tennessee 9:30 a.m. Tuesday

The tiny airport was hot and crowded, causing Mulder to unbutton the two top buttons on his shirt, hoping to find some relief. He could feel sweat on his neck and back, as he watched the luggage carousel, waiting for their bags.

Scully walked up, fanning her coat around her. “Jesus, it’s hot in here,” she said, looking at him, her small carry-on bag in one hand. He nodded still keeping an eye on the carousel.

“It’s insane that it’s this warm in here, the heater has to be broken. I doubt it’s that cold outside." He fanned his shirt, the open buttons not offering much relief.

“Well, we’ll find out as soon as our bags get here and we can get the car,” she said, glancing at her watch. “We should head straight over to the church.” He nodded again, frowning as he realized the baggage carousel was now empty. Bags were no longer coming and he heaved a sigh.

Great, just great, he thought. Scully looked at him and raised her eyebrows. He shook his head and headed to the baggage claim office.

A half an hour later, forms were filled out, and a heated discussion had been had about the heat of the airport. Mulder caught up to Scully, and they walked toward the rental lot. Scully had filled out the paperwork and gotten the keys, while he dealt with their lost bags. They would try to deliver them as soon as possible. But first, they needed to figure out where they were exactly.

“Where they are exactly, Scully,” he said, as they walked to the car. “How is it that they don’t know where our bags are “exactly” but everyone else’s arrived here with no problems? We all left from the same place, on the same flight.” She put her carry-on in the trunk, and they both got in the car. He turned on the ignition, shaking his head as he looked over at her.

She scrunched up her chin, something he found so goddamn adorable and shook her head. “I don’t know, but hopefully they’ll find them and bring them by later tonight. Let’s get to the church,” she said, gesturing for him to drive.

“I can’t go like this, Scully,” he said pointing at his clothes. He was wearing dark jeans and a long sleeved polo shirt. “I was going to change once we stopped by the motel, but now I don’t have my luggage.”

“Then you will have to go like that,” she said, looking at him in exasperation.

“No, we can find a store and I’ll pick something up. Not a suit, but something better than this,” he said, backing up the car and heading out. She hummed her annoyance, and he scoffed.

“If you had dressed accordingly,” she said, under her breath, shaking her head and looking out her window.

“I told you all my dress shirts were at the cleaners, and it was a mad dash to even get there before we left. I had no other options,” he said, watching for when it would be safe to merge onto the highway.

“Mulder, how long have we been doing this? Seven years? Why do you leave everything until the last minute?” she asked, with a glance his way. “You tell me we’re leaving, and I have a wardrobe already packed in my head, business suits ready to go at all times.”

“If we all were as prepared as you, who would be the dreamers? The artists who walk around with paint in their hair or on their hands because other aspects of life are more important?” he volleyed back at her. “We can’t all be Dana Scullys.” He glanced at her and saw she was trying not to smile.

“You all can try,” she said in a sassy tone, giving in and giving him a beautiful smile. His heart pounded, and his mouth went dry, causing him to clear his throat. She turned and looked out the window again, and it was quiet in the car.

Just before the exit for the church, he left the highway, looking for a place to buy some new clothes. A store came into view, and he pulled into the parking lot. Scully looked at him, and he shrugged. They both got out of the car and walked inside.

Scully looked at him, the store not quite the type of clothing they usually purchased. She walked away from him towards the women’s section, and he headed to the men’s.

Not wanting to spend too much time in the store, he quickly found his size and grabbed a shirt- a long sleeved button down grayish patterned shirt. It was not something he usually would be drawn to, being rather an ugly color and print, but it would work.

Pants were next- a pair of dark slacks, and also a belt. He caught Scully’s eye and jerked his head toward the dressing room. She nodded and walked toward him, as he stepped behind the curtain to try on the clothes. He could hear her breathing on the other side, and he flushed at the thought that a mere piece of fabric separated them as he undressed.

“Mulder?” she asked, her tone reminding him they were on a timetable.

“Yeah, I know. These are good, I’ll get them,” he said, slipping on his shoes and tying them. “I’ll wear them out from here.”

“Hand me the tags and I’ll pay for them,” she said, reaching her hand inside the curtain. He smiled, pulling them from the clothes and placing them in her hand. Her hand left, and he picked up his other clothes.

He tucked in his shirt, fastened his belt, and opened the curtain. Seeing Scully at the register, he walked over to her. She looked him up and down and scrunched her chin again before turning back to the store clerk.

“I grabbed you a jacket too,” she said, handing over her credit card. “It is cold out, despite how hot it was at the airport. They didn’t have your size exactly, and there are no ties, but at least you will look better than how you did earlier.” She glanced at him, and he nodded his thanks.

His own clothes were put in a large store bag, along with what she had purchased for herself, though he did not see what she bought. Putting the new grey coat over his arm, he put his hand on the small of her back and led her out of the store.

_________________________________

The Heartbreak Motel, 12:30 a.m. Wednesday morning

Pulling up to the motel, as it bordered on one in the morning, he sighed, his body completely exhausted. He glanced at Scully, seeing her worrying her lips as she sat beside him. When he turned off the car, it broke her from her thoughts, causing her to look at him and unbuckle her seat belt.

“I’ll go get our rooms,” he said, putting his hand on hers, stopping her from getting out just yet. She nodded and sighed, leaning her head back against the headrest.

He got out and spoke to the motel clerk, getting them adjoining rooms. Two keys with glittery guitar key chains were handed to him. The man shrugged and Mulder nodded, holding them as he walked out the door.

He drove closer to their rooms, and they both got out. Handing her her key, he grabbed her carry-on and the store bag out of the trunk, following her into her room. He set the bag down, and she began to go through it. She took out a pack of underwear, a couple of pairs of dress socks, and a pack of undershirts. The barest of essentials, and something he had completely overlooked.

She handed them over to him with a raised eyebrow. He grinned at her and took them, his thoughts and feelings mixed. He was happy at her thoughtfulness and also felt that familiar feeling of desire for her. She had picked out underwear for him.

God, he loved her.

He nodded at her and made to leave the room. “You’re welcome,” she said sarcastically. He turned around and smiled at her.

“Thank you kindly, Miss Scully,” he said in an overly put upon Southern accent. She rolled her eyes and walked forward to close the door when he left.

He went into his own room and set all his things on his bed. His jacket was taken off and thrown on the chair, his clothes and shoes following, as he went into the bathroom and started the shower.

He showered and came into the room in a towel. Ripping open the packages, he took out a shirt and a pair of underwear. Dressed, he picked up and then hung his clothes, obviously needing to wear them again tomorrow, unless the bags miraculously showed up in the middle of the night.

A knock sounded at the adjoining door, and he unlocked it, finding Scully, her hair still damp from her own shower. He tried not to stare, but she was so cute standing there in a pair of un-Scully like pajamas. Cotton, long sleeved, and lilac. They were tighter and clingier than usual. Try as he might, he could not avoid noticing her hard nipples.

“Here,” she said, thankfully interrupting his thoughts and redirecting his eyes. She handed him a new packaged toothbrush and he raised his eyebrows at her. “From my carry-on. After they lost our luggage that time in Boise, I’ve made sure to at least have the essentials: my makeup bag and toiletries.”

“Good thinking. Maybe I should start doing that too,” he said, opening the toothbrush.

“Maybe?” she said with a look.

“Yeah, maybe,” he said with a grin. He stuck the toothbrush in his mouth and she winced. “What? Gotta do what I can without toothpaste.”

“You think I would pack toothbrushes and not pack toothpaste? What’s the point of that, Mulder?” she asked, shaking her head.

“Oh. Well, can you hand it to me?” he asked, holding out his hand.

“I am not giving you the toothpaste. I will let you use it, but it stays with me,” she stated, both eyebrows raised high.

“What?”

“Yeah, Mr. Squeezes-It-From-The-Middle, the toothpaste stays with me,” she said cheekily. “I’m not having a repeat fiasco of The Falls.” He stared at her, but took the toothbrush from his mouth and presented it to her.

She uncapped the toothpaste, squeezed it tightly from the bottom, and loaded up his toothbrush. Replacing the cap, she smirked at him, making a show of the flatness of the tube of toothpaste. He nodded, looking at his toothbrush.

“You know, sometimes squeezing things in the middle is the best option. Lightly or with more force, depending on the situation,” he said, watching her eyes as he spoke. They moved across his face and landed on his lips. He had to fight the urge to run his tongue across them, wanting to see how that would affect her.

“Well, there’s also something to be said about following the rules,” she said, crossing her arms and looking in his eyes. “Even if you really do want to break them.” He held his breath, not daring to imagine she actually meant what she did. Christ, he was suddenly very hot. Were they still talking about toothpaste?

“Good night, Mulder,” she said, starting to close her door. “Come see me in the morning when you need more … toothpaste.” She looked at him once more, before closing the door all the way.

Oh, sweet Jesus. How did she do that? How did a conversation about toothpaste arouse him so much? He stood at the door, wanting it to open, to hear her say she needed more, and not be talking about toothpaste. Shaking his head, he forced himself to step back from the door and go into the bathroom and brush his teeth.

He laid down in bed a few minutes later with his mind buzzing and the taste of mint in his mouth. He turned over and punched his pillow trying not to think of how lilac had looked beautiful on her and how deliciously minty she would taste if he went into her room and kissed her.

_____________________________

The Heartbreak Motel 12:45 a.m. Thursday morning

God, he thought as he came back to the motel room, what a day. He took off the clothes he had been wearing for the second time, never wanting to see them again. He knew they smelled, even without getting his nose close to them. He had no idea what he was going to do about an outfit tomorrow.

Scully’s bag had made it to the motel, and been dropped off at the office. She sighed with relief at the sight of it, and then apologized to him that his was still missing. Disappearing into her room, he ducked into his own, wishing this case were over. If he never saw another snake again, he would be happy.

He showered and changed into another undershirt and underwear Scully had the foresight to purchase for him. He paced the room as he thought of what to do about his clothes tomorrow, when he heard Scully knock on the adjoining door. He grinned and went to grab his toothbrush before he opened it.

Again she stood in the doorway with wet hair, but this time in her own black satin pajamas. They were nice, but not tight, lilac nice. She held out the toothpaste and he brandished his toothbrush at her, causing her to roll her eyes, her lips curling into a small smile.

“I’m gonna need to get something for tomorrow. No way I can wear those clothes again. I’d like to have a burial service for them if I could. Could we arrange that?” She laughed and looked at him as she put on the toothpaste. He winked at her and stuck his toothbrush in his mouth.

“You were rather ripe today. I’m sorry your bag isn’t here. It’s quite nice to put on my own clean clothes,” she said, capping the toothpaste.

“Braggart,” he said around his toothbrush. He walked away and spit in the bathroom sink. He finished up, rinsed out his mouth, and set his toothbrush down.

She was leaning against the door jamb, her arms crossed, eyes roaming up his body. He caught her when she got to his eyes and she moved, uncrossing her arms and clearing her throat. Her cheeks were flushed and he could not stop the smile that creeped across his face.

“Well, goodnight. We’ll figure out something for your clothes tomorrow. Maybe hit that store again. See you in the morning,” she said all in a rush, closing her door with a loud click.

He smiled, knowing he caught her looking and knowing she knew he did. Things were changing between them. It was going slowly, but he liked it that way. Something was still there, something holding them both back, but they were moving closer. He smiled again, and then his eyes landed on his clothes. Shaking his head, he resolved to be up early, determined to not be around her again until he smelled better than “ripe.”

_______________________________

The Heartbreak Motel 7:30 a.m. Friday

The alarm went off the next morning, and he slid on his pants with a cringe. He kept just his undershirt on, put on his shoes, and drove to the same store. They were just opening when he walked inside. Not wanting to take too much time, he grabbed a white button down and a pair of khaki pants. He balked at them, but it was what was available to purchase.

Just before he walked to the register, he spotted a leather jacket. He stopped and looked at it. It was a rather nice jacket and there was no reason he should not buy it, even if he had one similar to it already. No chance could he wear that gray coat Scully had picked, with the new khaki colored pants.

He found his size and added it to the other items. If Scully’s bag arrived yesterday, hopefully it meant his would arrive sometime today, and this would be enough to get by. If not, he would need to find a place and wash what he had with him.

Purchase complete, he went back out to the car, dropping his bag beside him, and driving back to the motel. Once inside, he quickly showered again and got dressed. God, it felt so good to wear new, clean clothes, and not something that was sweaty and smelly.

Scully knocked on the adjoining door and he opened it. She looked at him and nodded, a smile on her face. Catching his eye, she stared at him with a look he could not quite place. Breaking his gaze after a few seconds, she took a breath.

“I got a call. There was a problem with Gracie. We need to go.” He grabbed his jacket and followed her out the door.

_____________________________

Blessings of God Hospital 10:30 a.m. Sunday

He stared at her as she sat next to him on his hospital bed, her eyes so blue and beautiful. She sighed and smiled again before squeezing his hand, getting up and heading to the door. His wounds were healing and he was starting to feel better, but he would be in the hospital for a couple more days. Bored and ready to leave, seeing her made him happy, but he wished he could be leaving with her.

“Oh,” she said, turning around and looking at him with a cheeky grin. “Your bag showed up last night. So, you’re good to go. You know … when you’re ready to wear pants again.”

“Goddamn. Finally,” he said, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. She smiled and nodded before she headed out the door.

He looked at the door and sighed. A few more days and he would be ready to leave. It could not come soon enough. Watching her leave every day was killing him. He was ready to be done with this and continue moving forward.

He just needed his goddamn pants to get the hell out of this hospital. Thank all that was holy in the world, he was never so happy to hear he had clothes waiting for him.

Lost luggage could eat a huge pile of shit.

___________________________________________________

Hope you enjoyed this little story. Seeing a prompt always gets my mind spinning with how I could write out that scenario. This one was fun. 😊

#The X Files #XF Fanfic #Signs and Wonders #Missing Luggage #Coping and making the best of a bad situation #Sharing the bare essentials #Flirting

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thirstaidkitpodcast · 4 years

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THIRST AID KIT | S6E11 | THE SWEET THIRST OF ‘SWEET MAGNOLIAS’

Oh, hey there, thirst-buckets!

This many months into the pandemic and the necessary social distancing we’ve all been dutifully undertaking (right? RIGHT?), we find that thirst has taken on new forms and textures. In a nutshell, whatever ways we were exploring thirst in the first week of March have evolved to accommodate six months of enhanced aloneness... 👀. It led us down different paths.

And so when Netflix dropped Sweet Magnolias earlier this summer, we were intrigued. We watched the show — 10 episodes aka the work of a single weekend, if you have nothing but box braids to do plus the determination to succeed — and immediately decided to venture down the path of sweet, PG-rated thirst this episode because we were immediately OBSESSED. This episode is us honoring the very specific charm of this over-the-sweater action of a TV show and so if you’re ready... let’s pour it out! (see what we did there?)

OK. So the show is about three women and their almost-lifelong friendship: Helen, Dana Sue, and Maddie, in the small, sweetly sleepy town of Serenity, South Carolina, their lives and loves and woes, plus those of a whole slew of characters in the town around them. There are smoldering looks between exes, the exploration of something new (or not so new 👀) after a... drought, on-off entanglements that sadly preclude the sense God gave even a goose... and it’s all wrapped in a SFW picnic basket of subtle, Southern thirst-language and behavior.

And it’s lovely! It’s been a tonic for us to travel down to Serenity and be in a world where the thirst is ample but restrained, and the problems are human-sized rather than bombastic and implausible. There’s so much to celebrate: Serenity is a town full of the riches of human variation, and whatever you might be looking for... it’s probably here. Shoutout to Coach Cal, Hot Farmer Jeremy, Chef Erik, Dana Sue’s ex Ronnie... It’s clear that everyone in Serenity is Doing It, but it’s all very tasteful fade-to-black style, in a way that makes this a genuine example of “a show for the whole family.” And we enjoyed it! WILD. There’s a lesson in seeking one thing and coming away with another thing altogether and finding that... it’s not bad at all. What a refreshing treat, thirst-buckets.

There are lots of laughs in this episode, a good number of swoons, some bone deep sighing, and we hope you discern the truly deep and somewhat unlikely love (bearing in mind out usual romance and TV habits!) we have for this show. And in Fanfic Wars, we both chose to travel down one single path... and it led straight to Erik Whitley’s door. Man, listen. 🥰

You can listen to the whole episode RIGHT HERE (more ways to listen are listed below).

A COUPLE THINGS TO WATCH AND READ, IF YOU LIKE

Heather Headley singing “Easy As Life” from Aida

If I Never Met You by Mhairi McFarlane

——————————————————————————————-

Subscribe to get new episodes delivered to your device automatically every Thursday. We’re on Apple and Stitcher and Podbean and Google Play and Overcast and iHeartRadio and Spotify and and and… Search ‘Thirst Aid Kit’ wherever you get your podcasts, and we’ll come up. Honestly, we will.

We’re on Twitter at @thirstaidkit. And you can send us love letters and your own work of short (SHORT, WE SAID) fanfic to [email protected]. We also would not be upset if you left a (five star? 👀) rating and a review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you!

Be gentle with yourself and careful with others. Life is happening all the time, as is thirst (probably). 😘

#Thirst Aid Kit #Thirst Aid Kit podcast #Sweet Magnolias #Netflix Sweet Magnolias #Heather Headley #JoAnna García Swisher #Brooke Elliott #Slate Podcasts #Nichole Perkins #Bim Adewunmi

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1119

survey by icantloveu

Today:

Who was the first person you saw? It was my dad. I fell asleep in the living room last night and he was the first person to go downstairs.

Who was the first person who called you? I have not received any call today so far and I’m not expecting any to come through today, a Sunday.

Who was the first person you called? I haven’t called anyone, either. The closest is an eyewear store I messaged on Messenger just a few minutes ago to ask if they accept walk-ins, since I didn’t know they’ve mostly taken appointments throughout the pandemic. If they don’t, I’ll have to wait until Thursday to get a check-up.

What was the first thing you did? I was mad at myself for falling asleep early last night and kinda wasting my weekend, so the second I opened my eyes I got up and looked for a survey to answer, lol.

What'd you have for breakfast? Fried rice, eggs, hotdogs, kikiam, and danggit, with crab paste.

Lunch? Skipped lunch as always since we have late breakfast. I might make coffee.

Dinner? I’m still indecisive on whether I’ll have dinner at home or somewhere outside. In any case, I can’t tell what I’ll be eating just yet.

Who'd you hang out with? I’ll be just by myself today.

What'd you do? I plan on taking a couple more surveys after this. I also wanna do some work ahead of tomorrow and watch the newest episode of 2 Days 1 Night as well.

Favorite song you heard? I am finding Ravi and Lee Naeun’s Rain Drop preeeeeeetty catchy.

Did you see anyone you hadn't seen in awhile? Not today. But last Friday this was the case as I saw Al, Pia, Kyelle, Gab, and Sam for the very first time in well over a year. Angela and Hans were part of the group as well but we were able to see each other during the holidays.

Last:

Thing you ate? The last spoonful of my rice, which I think I topped with the last of my egg and hotdog.

Movie you saw? Midsommar, I think. Last Christmas. I don’t watch a lot of movies anymore.

Girl you hugged? Angela. We saw each other for like, 15 seconds yesterday afternoon so that she could return the abaca mat I lent her for her graduation shoot.

Guy you hugged? I believe it was Hans, when we were saying bye last Friday. If not him, it would have been Al.

Family member you hugged? No idea. Maybe an aunt.

Type of soda you drank? I don’t drink any softdrinks. I did drink red wine that turned out to be carbonated last Valentine’s Day, though.

Flavor of gum you chewed? It’s a gimmick-y kind of gum that is extremely sour when you first pop it in your mouth; but once you start chewing it the sourness dies down and it goes back to the classic bubblegum taste.

Time you brushed your teeth? Last night.

Time you showered? Midnight yesterday when I got home from the aforementioned hangout with friends. I wasn’t able to take a shower yesterday because it had been freezing cold all day, but I plan on having one today.

Time you rode in the car? Yesterday when I drove out of the village to briefly meet up with Angela.

Word you said? Not sure; maybe just a ‘hi’? I greet my dogs a lot.

Person you talked on the phone to? My mom called me last night to tell me dinner was ready.

Time you cried? Genuinely no clue. I’d say a couple or even several weeks ago.

Currently:

Wearing? I have on an olive green sleveeless turtleneck top, and a pair of shorts.

Eating? None at the moment but I do feel like munching on something. Salted egg chips sound amazing right now, actually.

Drinking? Nothing, but I am in the mood for coffee.

Thinking? What else I can do today to maximize what’s left of my weekend.

Doing? [besides this survey] Looking at possible frames to buy for my new eyeglasses.

Friends:

Last friend's house you stayed at? Eugh, I think it had still been Gabie’s. I haven’t stayed at anyone else’s place during the pandemic so far; I’ve driven by Angela’s house briefly a couple of times, though. Mostly to just like return stuff or hand her a gift.

Last friend who stayed at your house? Angela and Hans.

Who has the coolest siblings? Probably Rita. All her siblings have got their own things and gigs and passions going on and I find that awesome. Of course, their family is filthy, old-money rich so their parents have more than enough money to let them sustain their hobbies, so I guess that’s a crucial factor in this too. But even then, they’re all humble and insanely nice so they’re still cool lol.

Who's an only child? Angela, Jo, Luisa, and I think Blanch??

Who have you gone on the most trips with? I don’t go on many trips with friends.

Who's met your family? Angela, and because of that one time my orgmates held a meeting at my house - Kate, Patrice, Jo, Jane, Aya, JM, and Edi.

Family:

Who's the craziest? There’s honestly a lot of chaos on my mom’s side, tbh. There’s past and current animosities, land issues, and general attitude problems among many of them. Of course, they try to hide it from the younger generation and everyone puts disagreements behind them during family gatherings; but the older I’ve gotten, the more my mom has let me in to some of the stories. That said, I can’t tell you who would be the craziest of them all.

Sanest? [is that a word] I would trust one of my aunts with my whole life, if it comes down to it. She has such a warm personality, is an amazing and sweet mom, and talking to her has always felt like talking to an old college friend that you’re having drinks with. I feel like I should do more for her as her niece, but yeah, I love her a lot.

Loudest? I will happily refer you to the entirety of my mom’s side, again. Everyone’s mode of communication seems to be yelling.

Lives the farthest away? Everyone who lives in the US.

Who do you live with? Both of my parents and my two siblings.

Has the most dogs? My dad’s immediate family, from whom Kimi actually came. There’s two dogs I can play with whenever we visit - Spike and Gucci - then they also have several other dogs but they aren’t too guest-friendly.

Has the most cats? My mom’s sister-in-law used to have like, 3 or 4 cats but I’m not sure if they’re still alive.

Has the most cars? I’m not sure. Most seem to have 1-3 which is the average for families anyway.

Random..

What color are your shoelaces? I’m not wearing any shoes at the moment.

Describe your sunglasses: I don’t own any.

Song you listened to last is...? Some jazz-y coffee shop-y tune I heard on YouTube.

Do you have a digital camera? Not anymore. I just use my phone to take photos.

What's the last type of cookie you ate? It had coffee and dark chocolate in it, but I can’t exactly remember what the name of the product is anymore.

Do you have your own computer? I have my own laptop. I never had a computer; I just went straight to having a laptop.

Describe your computer chair? I never had a computer chair per se but my work chair is nothing fancy, it’s just a plastic black chair that my parents bought initially just so that I had somewhere to sit on for my internship at my now-employer. Eventually I didn’t like how I was working in my room because I stopped being able to separate my personal life and my work life, so I’ve been working at the dining table these days.

Why is it called a computer chair anyways? I didn’t know this was a term, actually. I usually just keep hearing gaming chair.

What do you call the remote for the TV? Remote control, or sometimes just remote.

Do you have a crush on anyone? Nope.

What's on your walls? A few posters and wall decors. Some paintings from Gab towards which I have zero feelings or attachment anymore but I feel too lazy to take down.

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Closed. It would be impossible for me to fall asleep otherwise.

Can you fall asleep with the TV on? Sure, but the program has to be something I was watching to begin with so I can be lulled to sleep. If it’s a show about something I don’t find interesting, I might just find it as noise.

What is the last book you read? I don’t know.

What's your least favorite class? I don’t go to school anymore but in my final semester I hated my business writing class. I hated all my journalism classes, actually; but it was business writing that made me feel the most nervous.

Are you cold? I’m just right. It’s chilly enough not to need the fan, but I’m not shivering either.

Where are you? I’m in the living room.

What is touching your foot? The couch.

Are you wearing any jewelry? Nopes.

If so, what?

What's your name? Robyn.

Do you like it? Sure.

Would you change it if you could? Not at this point.

[for girls] Are you going to keep your last name when you get married? I would hyphenate it, yeah. This is also so that I get to keep my middle name as well.

#survey #surveys

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falc0nfreak · 4 years

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Unus Annus was like a friend.

It's bittersweet in many ways, I knew the channel was going to end, I knew the timer was going down and yet I got used to the channel and to the company of Mark and Ethan.

To Eef and Maaarrrkkk.

To The Gongoozler and HeeHoo.

To Unus and Annus.

Some people won't get that and it makes me sad, but some will and it makes me feel glad! Sorry to get all riddle-y there. But I have a point to this post. Unus Annus really was like a friend! I wouldn't watch it every day, but I would check up on it consistently! Like genuinely as much as I'd check on a friend! When we first met we'd hang everyday, ya know as some new friends do sometimes, especially if you just 'click'. You know what I'm saying?

Than after some time youd take a break, maybe once a week catch up on how your days were and talk for a couple hours. Each time I'd see Unus Annus it would make me laugh! I'd be like "Oh yea! This was fun I love hanging with you!"

But than.... the quarentine hit. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking "Unus Annus was a YouTube channel tho, you can still watch it!" But for me, I wasn't watching anymore. I was watching videos pre-quarentine to give me time to realize what was going on. Some of my siblings were going with the flow as this affected their jobs in airlines. My one sister and I didn't think it would be that bad, because people are smart and would be careful not to do anything dumb like spread it or anything. We also heard people were buying up all the toilet paper but thought that was a joke. Ha...ha... who got the last laugh? Not us! For when my sister went to go grocery shopping you know what wasn't there? Toilet paper. What were we VERY low on? Toilet paper.

Yessssssss, it was at this moment we knew.... we fucked up. So as all this went down and things were happening drastically faster than I'm used, small town girl like me who forgets there are more than just cows sometimes. I didn't watch my good friend Unus Annus for awhile. Just like I didn't see or visit any friends. The trend continues.

Unus Annus was like a friend.

They were still making videos, still making people's days and making them laugh! It was good and great of them to do! I just wasn't ready to accept it yet. I'd take a peek and see they weren't together anymore, the feeling just wasn't the same, even tho it really shouldn't have changed but in reality, I wasn't ready to face change. One by one some of my favourite shows got affected by it.

One show in particular that always, and I mean ALWAYS, got me through a week was Critical Role. I had been watching almost religiously every Thursday for a couple months at this point. A show that was a roller coaster of emotions sometimes, or just a good laugh in general, reminded me just how amazing friends could be. I binge watched the show ever since I first found it. When I'd get home from work, sore and tired, I'd end my day watching campaign 2 every night as I fell asleep. I always have to watch something to fall asleep.

I had thought to myself (rather stupidly, I will say. Remember I am but a small town country girl still in denial) at least I still have critical role on Thursdays! But no no no no no! The show had been cancelled. And of course! It was live! They were friends but they didn't live together. They had mandatory lockdown, they had families of their own to worry about. And that's true! For a part of me forgot that it was a live show, I had caught up, there was no more videos to watch at the end of the day! And I'm fine with that of course, their safety is just as important as anyone's! But I was realizing more and more this was really happening and not just to where I'm from but all around the world! I was mentally fighting something happening. Trying to think positively in time of strife; so yes I avoided videos for a time reminding me of what was going on. Trying to be a beacon of light for my family too as things were happening to them. It's easier to do that when I'm not worried about something as well. Even though I always was of course. Denial at its finest.

Eventually though, I went back to some pals. Went back to watch game grumps. And even critical role when they returned! But what caught my eye, once again, was eef and oof. They hadn't been popping up in my recommended as usual. But I'd see it pop up. It had been some time. A couple months maybe? But I took a peek. It was my old friends again. They were good and that's all that matters. That made me happy, in fact that's true for alot of shows. I'd search up so many channels to see how they were doing to wish them good luck and to stay strong through all this. See how everyone was doing from Game Theory, to GMM, to Nowthisisliving. The list continues.

So flash forward to the last 14 days of Unus Annus. I had seen them here and there. Sometimes I'd spend a whole day watching just to catch whatever ones I missed! Thick water, pink trombone, eating fire. There were a few I missed I know but I'd watch alot in one go sometimes. It really was like catching up with a friend! Now the last 14 days were here. It really do....be hitting different... at this point....

14 days and how much had I missed? How much had I not experienced?? Turns out... I didn't know everything about Unus Annus and I binged for 2 weeks! I watched so many episodes they are still fresh in my mind right now. How had I missed camp Unus Annus? How had I missed Ethan becoming a man? How had I missed petting a chicken to cooking a chicken with the power of slaps? It was like spending the last moments with someone you loved before they had to go but in the most positive way ever! I know that sounds morbid, but I've experienced loss way too closely and this... this was a much lighter version of that. This was amazing! Watching them do some crazy and cool things and laughing with them! Rewinding for the best parts which you can't do in real life. I mean how lucky can you be when it comes to the end of something?? In the end I got to rewatch some of my favourites!! I got to find new favourites!!

I can't explain how I'm feeling. Not entirely. I keep going between joking and crying because it really feels like saying goodbye to a friend. It's so crazy to think that there were possibly 1 million other people feeling the same or similar as me during that livestream last night. Now I'm crying again. It's crazy to me that last night I watched with one of my best friends who kept saying "but what if they don't delete it? What if they've been trolling us for a whole year? The best prank ever on YouTube." And I kept saying "Naw it has to... all this set up it just has to!" And that made me question for the last 10 hours so thanks for that Alex. And now I'm laughing again haha. Like I said it's bittersweet.

I tweeted with #MomentoMori but honestly a tweet wasn't enough to describe how I'm feeling. To explain my joy and happiness such a channel could bring. There wasn't enough words and certainly not enough time. I still hear the ticking of the clock. Hear the chant of Unus Annus and that honestly could be because I binged for almost 2 weeks straight lol. But even though I missed some, it really is like a friend. You don't always know EVERYTHING about your friends but you love em for who they are. You love em for the joy they bring and the strength they carry in their own way. Their individuality, as well as their flaws. Their weakness and their differences. Friends are the family you choose. And though it's been one heck of a year. I'm so bloody thankful I had one more experience to add to the memory of 2020.

Thank you for meaning more to me than I could even predict. That goddamn show will be memory I will try my hardest to never forget. Thank you for bringing joy and happiness to everyone it touched, not just me. Your hard work and dedication will always be remembered. And this doesn't just go to Markus and Eefus. But to the whole staff and every guest that was on it. To every doggo and every cardboard cutout. Thank you and as always. Momento Mori

#momento mori #unusannus #bittersweet #thank you #goodbye

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skullsandwineglasses · 4 years

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To Dear Myself Review/Rant

If you’ve had the patience to watch all 45 episodes until the end, then you probably know what I’m going to talk about in this review. I feel like it’s pretty unanimous that the ending was awful.

It’s a slow burn slice-of-life drama. I don’t normally watch these types of dramas and instead go for the ones that are fantastical and far away from reality so that I can completely get lost in another world. But Liu Shishi and Zhu Yilong are familiar faces, and I’m more likely to start a bad drama with familiar actors than a good drama with unfamiliar actors, because I’m basic and want to invest as little attention and mental effort as possible (it takes work to warm up to new faces).

The drama started off promising: it introduced obstacles that normal couples and families would face. Obstacles like money, social class, infidelity, unemployment, workplace competition, the value and desirability of “aging” women who prioritize work over love. It was relatable, even though some of these are unfamiliar experiences for me, a psychology grad student in her mid-20s. I didn’t expect this drama to be inspiring. I didn’t want this drama to be inspiring. But I wanted it to be at least logical, if not realistic. The drama seemed to promise reality though, which I held out hope for, but instead it butchered the character arc for most of the leads.

[spoilers ahead]

The devolution of Li Si Yu and Chen Yi Ming’s relationship was laughable.

LSY is afraid of marriage, while CYM believes that the ultimate goal in life is to get married and have a family. They don’t see eye to eye on this, and so the pressure causes them to break up. I respect this. It’s a common problem: you can’t really move forward when one isn’t ready to settle down, and the other isn’t willing to wait or support them. CYM is portrayed as a calm, composed, and morally upright person who feels uncomfortable when LSY makes a questionable decision. But CYM is also a hypocritical person who suppresses his feelings. Whenever he’s displeased, he acts as thought everything is fine until he can’t hide it anymore and explodes with unbidden rage. He punches the roof of the car, he slams the desk. It’s a little scary tbh. LSY is portrayed as a passionate and impulsive career-driven woman. She has to make tough decisions, and you understand why she makes them. Whenever she’s unhappy, she’ll let you know. The drama seems to set up a character development arc for these two flawed characters.

LSY starts her own company, but then fails, and ends up learning that while it’s important to fight for what you believe in, but you shouldn’t be too caught up in whether your fail or succeed. It’s the classic “it’s about the journey, not the destination” kind of lesson.

After a bout of heartbreak, CYM is swept off his feet by the manipulative Wang Ziru. She lies to him, evades him, controls him. At this point in the drama, we think that LSY is better off without him because he seemed to have moved on so swiftly. CYM and WZR seem to have a calmer relationship than the one he had with LSY. They never argue. We see that he’s easily attracted to confident, powerful women, but expects them to settle down with him when they’re not ready. For a third of the drama, he’s happily in love with WZR and doesn’t think about or interact with LSY (except when he comes to her office to tell her to shut her company “for her own good”). It looks like he completely moved on.

LSY on the other hand, misses him. She’s always looking at the only picture that she’s saved of them together. She still loves him.

I liked that they introduced Guan Xiao Tong as a potential love interest for LSY. Despite being over a decade younger than LSY and constantly being looked down by her because of this, I thought he was quite mature. I also liked how LSY wasn’t “moved” by him. The typical drama would have her eventually reciprocate his feelings and make him her rebound. Yes, she was amused by him, but she knew that he wouldn’t grow up fast enough with her, and so she never led him on. It made their relationship wholesome. Even though LSY wasn’t attracted to him, I liked how the drama normalized a potential may/december relationship between a woman and man. Though I don’t think I can forgive the drama was making him disappear so abruptly after he found out that his dad was struggling financially. Maybe the drama implied that GXT was too busy “growing up” by helping with his dad’s business so his relationship with LSY came to an end and that he was no longer relevant to drama, but that wasn’t made clear at all.

Zhi Zhi also stopped appearing after the 3rd last episode of the drama when she decided not to marry the misogynistic Su Li Xing and to instead stay in Shanghai for her career, which also implied that there could be a chance for her and Liu Yang to get back together (their storyline is a whole other can of worms, but I have to admit that no other drama, movie, or book has made me cry as hard as Zhi Zhi confronting the mistress and then getting publicly slapped by her husband. Not sure if it was the drama itself that had the power to move me, or if it was because I watched that scene at 3am on a Thursday, or because it reminded me of some personal experiences, but either way, I sobbed hella hard that night).

But back to LSY and CYM. In the last 2 episodes of the drama, they start appearing together in scenes again. There are some unresolved emotions. There is still attraction. Nervous, longing, awkward glances. After nearly 20 episodes of believing that a reconciliation is impossible, you start wondering if the drama is hinting that they’re gonna force them back together in the last 2 episodes. CYM sells his apartment to support LSY’s project. Haowen tells LSY that CYM still calls out her name when he’s drunk (although it’s still unclear if this was just a gimmick to distract her to sign the sale agreement).

CYM can’t give WZR a straight answer about whether or not he still loves LSY. He punches Gong Jing in the face for cheating LSY out of her shares.

And even after all this, guess what happens? He confronts WZR. She tells him she lied to him to help him preserve his dignity. She tells him she had to do underhanded, unethical things in order to save the livelihood of an entire company that she’s responsible for. He’s moved. He’s grateful for her thoughtfulness towards him. He stands by her. He chooses her.

I mean, what? Does he really love her that much that he’s willing to look past everything she’s done? All the crimes and hurt she’s committed? I don’t need to him to get back together with LSY. I don’t want them to. I think he’s a terrible character who believes that happiness and fulfilment only comes form finding a woman who’s willing to let him love and dote on her. But this decision just doesn’t match the morally upright character we’ve been sold with at the beginning of the drama. LSY only made one morally questionable decision, of which she apologized for, and yet CYM was already questioning whether or not they should continue their relationship because he felt like they were going different ways. And yet he forgives WZR? Because he loves her? But? What about those ambiguous, uncomfortable faces he made when he was with her? Like that scene when he helped take off her coat before she went into the awards ceremony, and he stood back, leaning by the door, staring off into the distance looking sad and regretful?? What are we supposed to make of those scenes and expressions? I probably shouldn’t victim blame, especially since WZR created an uneven power dynamic in their (lowkey toxic) relationship, but I’m just not sure what the scriptwriter was trying to do with this plotline. It felt like they were condoning WZR’s behaviour (despite saying she was arrested in a voiceover) because CYM forgave her. Or were they condemning CYM’s passiveness? Again, not clear.

And then the final scene with the women marching on happy and hopeful, and then men staring out onto the city skyline looking lost and depressed? Female empowerment is great, and it was nice that they were all single at the end (except for Xiao Ling, I guess), but was it really necessary to tear men down to emphasize this? But then again, the drama kind of had to since they wrote shitty male characters. I just dislike creating the winner/loser dichotomy.

I respect that Liu Yang is working his way towards forgiveness and has found what he’s passionate about. But I don’t know if he’s forgivable, because what he did was pretty unforgivable, but he’s showing growth and is working towards redemption, which is somewhat admirable.

Haowen went from being the most level-headed one to becoming the most impulsive and obsessive one.

CYM is just blank. Absolutely blank. There is nothing interesting about him. At first you pity him for being the one who’s always chasing after LSY and being the one to give in first for the sake of the relationship, but then you realize that he’s just trying to mold himself into what he thinks is the “ideal” boyfriend, which he thinks is someone who is able to succeed without the help of his girlfriend. He thinks it’s weak to rely on the help of his girlfriends, which is ironic since most of the career moves he made in the drama were directly because of his girlfriends.

Anyway, I could just go on about how much I didn’t enjoy this drama, and other people on youtube and mydramalist have ranted more eloquently about this. I usually don’t write drama reviews unless there’s something I’m deeply unhappy about.

My recommendation? Don’t watch this. But if you’re curious, don’t be afraid to jump and skip scenes. There are no likable characters. Even Zhi Zhi doesn’t start to become likable until she decides to leave her husband. Is this a feminist drama? Yes to the extent that it normalizes women in their 30s who are single and career-driven (which is a pretty big deal in China where unmarried women over 25/27 are considered “leftover” women), but I’m just not sure whether the plot does justice to these women. The verdict is still out on that. Thoughts?

Oh and one final qualm that I have with this drama is the LSY and WZR never had a final face-to-face confrontation. After everything that WZR did to LSY, LSY never got to interrogate WZR. WZR could have even gave LSY some final parting words. Instead, CYM took LSY’s place and the drama made it seem that WZR was only answerable to him and no one else. There was just absolutely no closure from this messy, messy drama.

#to dear myself #亲爱的自己 #朱一龙 #cdrama #zhu yilong #liu shishi #qin ai de zi ji #crdama review #陈一鸣 #chen yi ming

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mithranqueersmusings · 4 years

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Baby, You’re A Rich Man XXI

Chapter: 21/28

Rating: U

Summary: Ringo could never understand why that group of three boys made him feel so uncomfortable, or why the way George looked at him sent him into a panic. After a chance encounter Ringo discovers the truth and has no clue what to do with the information.

Tags: AU - Gangsters, Slow Burn, Smut, Eventual Romance, Violence, Angst

Pairings: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

A week had passed before Brian had asked to see Ringo for an 'assignment', he'd also asked the rest of the boys to come along. During this time Ringo had moved into the remaining flat on George's floor which was a strange level of commitment Ringo hadn't anticipated: they weren't living together technically, Ringo's things like his clothes and drum kit were at his place across the hall but he spent almost every minute of the day at George's. He had to admit he'd miss his old place somewhat, as dreary and depressing as it was, and he had the horrible feeling that he'd never settle into this new flat because it was just too nice. Not that Ringo didn't think he deserved nice things, but knowing that he was living there through his connections - a phrase he heard repeatedly now - rather than his own hard work made him feel a bit undeserving. Nonetheless he was more than happy to be so much closer to George, not to forget John and Paul either who he was increasingly getting closer with.

His flat was the same layout as George's only flipped, with luxurious furniture and a fairly nice view of the city. John suggested they threw a 'house warming party' which just consisted of another night of debauchery which took place in Ringo's flat instead of George's, but Ringo appreciated the sentiment. George also made the suggestion that they christen his new bed, which didn't take much convincing. Despite his slight discomfort in his new lavish surroundings, he had a real sense of belonging when he was with the other boys and couldn't be happier with how things had turned out. Ringo insisted that they ate a proper homemade dinner together rather than eating out as they usually did and it was such a success that they decided to do it at least once a week from then on. George had helped Ringo in the kitchen and they somehow managed to get a satisfactory dinner ready without breaking anything or burning the place down; next week would be John an Paul's turn, George was already planning on spontaneously becoming allergic to whatever they were going to cook. The four of them essentially did everything together, well not everything despite John's constant joking.

He'd worked a few more shifts at The Babylon and they'd gone very smoothly. Ringo worried he wouldn't be able to go back there after everything that happened but as soon as he had his sticks in hand he felt unstoppable; the constant reminder that security had been increased and were watching him specifically helped too of course. Shane had been massively relieved to see Ringo on his first shift back, giving him a tight hug which neither of them were really anticipating. The rest of the band thought Ringo was pretty 'cool' for having survived the whole thing, but were still a little standoffish. While the physical wounds were completely healed by this point, Ringo couldn't deny he was still a little subconsciously shaken about the whole thing but he just tried his best not to think about it. Upon hearing that Brian wanted to see him, Ringo felt irrefutably nervous about the whole ordeal but he just had to remember how much Brian had insisted that he would be protected now. It was a cold Thursday morning when the four of them were called back over to Brian's house, Paul once again woke them all up on time. They'd started eating breakfast together every so often, although John almost always refused on the basis that it was too early to do anything but going back to bed, which is what they did that morning.

"I think he enjoys torturing us by getting us up so early." John mumbled into his cup of coffee.

"It's 9 in the morning John, it's hardly the break of dawn." Ringo smiled, although he wasn't feeling too chirpy himself.

They all piled into Paul's car and headed back over to Brian's house, which Ringo was pretty excited to see again. George Martin met them at the door once more, although he seemed a little more serious this time. He led them into the lounge and offered them all a drink before vanishing to find Brian again, who entered a few minutes later.

"So lovely to see you boys!" He beamed, approaching them all individually with a handshake before taking the same seat as he did last time "How have you all been keeping?"

They all spoke over one another lazily which made Brian chuckle, he had a cup of tea brought in by George who then moved over to the window. The atmosphere in the room was a little tense, at least Ringo thought so, and he gripped George's hand for comfort.

"Now, I've got quite a big task for the four of you. I could've given it to someone else, but I really think you're perfect for this." Brian began, shifting to get comfortable in the chair as he stirred his tea "It's a great chance for you all to really prove yourself, and would be a great way of throwing you into the deep end, Ringo."

Ringo shone a nervous smile at the mention of his name which resulted in another small laugh from Brian.

"One thing I really want to do as well is remove you four from the environment here, this Chapman business is really heating up and to get you out of harms way would just be a massive relief for myself." He paused to take a sip of his tea "I'll just cut straight to the chase, I want to send you boys over to Germany." He paused for a response.

"What's in Germany?" George asked when he realised nobody else was going to speak.

"Hamburg." Brian said with a smile.

"And what's in Hamburg?" John asked with a chuckle.

"Well we've got quite a few connections over there in the clubs and so forth, but I've been getting a lot of reports lately that a certain group has been trying to muscle their way onto the scene." Brian explained "The issue is we don't know exactly who's doing it, and the people I have over there are far too known to really do anything about it."

"I think I see where this is going." John murmured.

"What I would like you boys to do is go over there and suss this whole situation out. That city is just filled with rambunctious lads like yourself, and I think you'll really fit in there. Ringo, you would join one of the bands in one of my clubs and see what information you can gain there, while the rest of you boys do what you do best." Brian paused again and awaited a response.

"How dangerous could this whole thing get?" Paul asked politely.

"Well it's hard to say, of course. The city itself is rather dangerous, I suppose, but I would insist that Ringo doesn't get involved if anything turns violent. The aim of this whole thing is to discover who's trying to take over our territory, and put to a stop to it. I'm not above offering them money, but ideally I'd rather settle this without any loss on our part. Does that make sense?" Brian smiled.

"What about my job here?" Ringo asked, he felt rather stumped by the whole situation.

"Oh, don't worry about that, George is already working on finding a temporary replacement." Brian gestured behind him to where George gave a small smile in response.

"How long would we be there for?" George asked, he was rubbing the back of Ringo's hand with his thumb.

"I can't imagine it'd extend any longer than a month. A week or two, I'd estimate." Brian took another sip of his drink.

"I don't want to step out of line or anything, Brian." John began "But is taking us away from the city we know and are protected in only to place us somewhere unknown with a potentially dangerous group of people really the best idea?"

Brian just chuckled "I understand your concern, of course. If you are all opposed to the idea, I can offer it to someone else, but I thought it'd be a great opportunity for you three to show what you're capable of, particularly with the messy episodes over the past few months." There was more of an edge to his voice now.

"Do you know how big the group is?" Paul asked.

"Not definitively, but if nobody can identify them they can't be that large surely." Brian said with a smile "I have a lot of respect for you boys, and I trust you to do this for me. So what do you say?"

There was a pause for a few moments, each of them looking at one another before George spoke "Can you give us a minute to talk about it?"

"Oh, of course. I'll head out to the garden, come and find me when you're done." Brian didn't hesitate to get up then, heading out of the room with his tea in hand and George following behind him.

Another silence followed before they were sure the two of them were far away enough from the room.

"What do you think?" George spoke first, squeezing Ringo's hand.

"I dunno... I've never even been out of the country before." Ringo said sheepishly.

"Well I say we go." John blurted out determinedly.

"Really?" Paul asked surprised. "Why so sure?"

"I've heard a lot about Hamburg from some of the other lads, and it sounds like a right riot." John grinned.

"John it's not a bloody holiday." George scoffed.

"Well we can't work all day, can we?" John sat back comfortably, crossing his legs over.

"What have you heard?" Ringo asked, with Brian out of the room he instantly felt more relaxed.

"Drugs, drink, music, prostitutes - you name it, its got it all." John said.

"We literally have all of those things here." George replied with a chuckle.

"No, not like this place. It sounds like sin central, I'm telling you. I think it'd be fun."

"Not sure I'm happy with how excited you are for prostitutes, darling." Paul spoke up now "But it would be nice to get out of this place, maybe get away from all the glitz of it all."

"I'm all for it, would be nice to get back here and those Chapman bastards have been dealt with." George said "But only if you're comfortable with it, love."

"Its just a lot, you know? It sounds like it could be fun, especially if all I'm really doing is drumming. I just don't want to be like dead weight." Ringo was warming to the idea, but the unknown aspect of it all was certainly frightening.

"You wouldn't be you daft git." John laughed "That's the whole point, we do all the dirty work you just be your normal charming self and get us some information."

"But how do I even do that?" Ringo asked.

"Ringo, what's my favourite colour?" John raised his eyebrow.

"Er- Green, why?" Ringo stammered.

"And how do you know that?" John leaned forward in his seat.

"I think Ge-" Ringo paused "Oh... Now I feel proper daft."

"It's not rocket science. All you have to do is talk to people, find out what you can and we'll do the rest." John was still laughing.

"Well in that case, I suppose I'm on board then." Ringo chuckled.

"You sure?" George asked and Ringo nodded in response.

"That sorts that then!" Paul said with a smile "Now, can anyone speak any German?"

Brian had been quite delighted at the news, he explained that they'd have to be staying in somewhere on the 'lower scale of things' to not draw so much attention to themselves and told them to pack that very same night. Their flight left London the following afternoon and they had to be up and ready in the morning for a long drive.

"I thought you'd have a private jet or something." Ringo said as he packed up his clothes into a suitcase, he didn't even own one prior to a few hours ago.

"We're not that loaded." George chuckled as he rifled through his wardrobe.

"Are you excited?" Ringo asked, he had the horrible feeling that he was the only nervous one.

"A little bit, but it's still work, you know? Just hope things go as smoothly as they're supposed to." George sounded more serious now "Especially if you're getting involved now, I've gotta start doing things properly."

All packed and ready to go, the four of them spent the evening at George's having a little to drink and trying their best to get an early night. Ringo struggled getting to sleep, tossing and turning throughout the night as the fear began to take hold of him. George groggily awoke after an hour of Ringo's continuous movements, he didn't say a word but moved up closer to the smaller man and wrapped his arm tight around his waist. It calmed Ringo instantly, and while he couldn't silence the constant worries in his mind, he felt more able to overcome them with the safe feeling of George beside him. He just had to remember John's words and Brian's emphasis of how important his safety was.

The follow morning came abruptly in the manner they always did whenever something important was going on: Paul knocking repeatedly on George's door with a groggy John stood beside him until Ringo finally got up to let them in. At times George never even locked his front door because it just made life easier for everyone, despite Paul telling him it was a stupid thing to do. There was to be a car arriving in 10 minutes which was just enough time to drag George out of bed and into something half-decent. Despite the importance of the whole situation, at this point it really just felt like a strange holiday to the four of them and Ringo couldn't deny that he felt a little excited. They all had a cup of tea and pieces of toast were lazily passed around before they managed to squeeze into the lift with their suitcases. There was a driver waiting for them outside the building with a rather swanky car, Ringo felt a little like a celebrity as they all piled inside. On the back seat was a letter from Brian addressed on the front simply to 'Boys'. Paul seized the letter before John lazily sat on it and read it aloud to them; it detailed what hotel they'd be staying at, the clubs that were in need of investigating, the band Ringo would be joining and most importantly that they should call him at the end of every day to update him.

"Bit much." John snickered.

"This is some serious shit." George chuckled "Can we try to not fuck this one up?"

"Like you're so perfect." Paul made himself comfortable as the car began to drive off "Are you forgetting when you knocked out that bloke onl-"

"Only to find out he was one of ours, yeah whatever." George interrupted with a smile "Let's just do this one properly, alright lads?"

"And who put you in charge?" John raised an eyebrow.

"Oh I'm sorry, lets put the alcoholic, nymphomaniac, coke-addict in charge in a city filled with drugs and prostitutes." George glared but he was still grinning.

"Bastard." John kicked him playfully "I'm not even a coke-addict."

"Well let's keep it that way, eh Johnny?" Ringo laughed and the tension of the car immediately depleted.

"Nobody has to be in charge, we work better as a team anyway." Paul said as he put the letter away in his jacket pocket "Today we should just focus on getting used to the city, settling in and that, before we start anything proper."

"Sounds like you're in charge." George quipped.

The journey to the airport continued in a similar manner, with a slight edge of nervousness under everyone's voices but nothing but playful jokes being told. It was a strange sight for the four of them to be so casually dressed, even if Paul was still wearing a blazer, but it made everything feel significantly less official which did wonders for Ringo's nerves. He'd never even been on a plane before, something he'd already been harmlessly teased about, and he was worried that it would only be the beginning of a series of frightening events. The drive down to London was very long indeed, but luckily they had the radio and one another to stay entertained. All four of them fell asleep at different points on the journey, Ringo was the only one who wasn't purposefully woken up by the rest of them.

"I say we do a crawl of all the clubs, for research purposes." John suggested as he lit a cigarette, they were about an hour away from the airport.

"You don't have to give us that bullshit, John, we're not Brian." George said as he offered out his lighter "Not that I'm opposed to the idea o'course."

"As long as we don't get too shitfaced. I don't see a problem with it." Paul smiled, his seal of approval on a plan usually meant it went forward, Ringo noticed.

"Would be nice to see where I'll be playing for the next few weeks." Ringo suggested "I hope they bloody speak English."

"Music's a universal language, you'll be fine." John chuckled.

"If we're all gonna be sharing a room, can we make a promise now that we're not gonna be bringing anyone back to the hotel? I'm not having my sleep disturbed because John likes the look of some rent-boy." George said.

"Such a prude George, I swear. What happened to you?" John nudged him.

"Look, if you had your own room you can do as much freaky shit as you please but not if I'm in the room, alright?" George nudged him back with a laugh. "Shag them back at their place, in the bloody street for all I care."

Ringo fell asleep a second time before the car finally stopped outside the airport and he was awoken by a soft rocking from George and a tender kiss on the lips. They all performed a variety of strange stretches after they toppled out of the car. A 2 hour flight still awaited them which none of them were particularly looking forward to, but at least the longest part was over now. The four of them all smoked a cigarette before actually heading inside, their driver was gone and they were left alone to their own devices. Brian had tickets waiting for them which Paul went to collect while John went off in a search for coffee.

Getting onto the plane was a strange experience for Ringo, it was a lot smaller than he had anticipated which gave it the strange feeling of not being real. George and Ringo had been seated together with Paul and John in front of them, with the two remaining aisle seats being left for unfortunate passengers who were going to have to put up with their crude conversations for the entirety of the flight. Ringo tried to hide his nerves when the plane began to take off but he was gripping George's hand so tightly he worried he might pull it out of its socket. Once they were in the air Ringo could relax again, as long as he didn't think about how high up they were, and the four of them began to chatter away. John made a pledge to try ever drug offered to him while in Hamburg which earned a roll of the eyes from Paul.

"Forget new drugs, you're gonna come back to England with about five new diseases." George laughed which only spurred John on further.

John expressed his excitement for their red-light district, claiming that these people weren't like 'normal prostitutes' which made Ringo laugh. According to what he'd heard from members of the family that had been sent to Hamburg, it was one of the most depraved and raunchy cities in Europe which was apparently a haven to John.

"I do worry what you'd be like if you didn't have me sometimes." Paul admitted somewhat seriously "Shagging every Tom, Dick and Harry that came your way."

"I'll be honest Paulie, I worry what I'd be like without you too." John replied with a soft kiss.

Both Ringo and George managed to fall asleep at one point, resting their heads on one another despite knowing that once they woke up their necks would be aching, which allowed John and Paul some private time that they no doubt would've capitalised on had there not been an elderly gentleman sat beside them. The 2 hours flew by, rather literally, compared to the car journey down to London and before they knew it they'd landed in Hamburg. It was approaching 4 o'clock now and the four of them were desperately hungry for some food. They hurried off the plane and seized their suitcases to find another driver waiting for them outside the airport who drove them to their hotel. The city didn't seem to be as debauched as John had described it to be, but it was still fairly early in the day.

The hotel was a welcome change of pace for Ringo, it was incredibly plain and somewhat dingy which was always more comfortable to him than luxury. Paul checked them in at the front desk, he was given a single key between the four of them, where the receptionist gave them a curious look as they walked up to their room. Ringo didn't want to imagine the thoughts the woman was having about what four young men were doing hurrying into a single room while it was still light outside. The room itself looked better than they had all anticipated, they had a small lounge with a radio which split off into a bedroom with two double beds with little space between them.

John immediately jumped onto one of the beds, kicking off his shoes and stretching out onto the sheets. They all followed suit, Paul leaping onto John and rolling around to lie beside him, while George pulled Ringo down onto the bed. It devolved into pure childish antics as John began tickling Paul, who retaliated by hitting him with one of the pillows; before long the four of them were jumping around pelting each other with pillows and diving down onto the creaky beds in fits of laughter. It was pure lunacy, but Ringo couldn't have wished for a better start to this whole ordeal, for no matter how serious or dire things got he knew he'd always have these three with him every step of the way.

#the beatles #beatles #beatles fanfic #the beatles fanfic #beatles fanfiction #george harrison/ringo starr #ringo starr/george harrison #ringo starrxgeorge harrison #george harrisonxringo starr #starrison

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georgefancys · 4 years

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Endeavour Fandom Meme

alright @bryndeavour tagged me in this literally five seconds ago but i wanna gush about endeavour immediately so

- Top 5 Episodes

Trove, Neverland, Prey, Canticle, Confection. Changes all the time tho (Icarus is not included bc while i really like it, it makes me genuinely depressed when i watch it. rip me)

- Seasons in Order of Preference

S2, S1, S5, S6, S4, S7, S3. Right so: season 2 interests me the most thematically and with the plot arc. Season 1 is just rlly consistently good even though it hasn’t produced any of my top 5, and same with season 5 - i think both of them are just consistently good without any standouts for me? Season 6 i think has a really cool vibe. season 4 is very good except i don’t particularly love Game - i would have said i disliked Harvest too, but I watched it recently for only like the second time and LOVED it so idk what was going on there. Season 7 i honestly think is really good, though i found a lot of problems with it in retrospect (treatment of women and the resolution of Ludo and Violetta’s storyline). Season 3 is WEIRD, because i LOVE Prey and quite like Arcadia. Now im gonna be controversial here: i’m not the BIGGEST fan of Ride. I didn’t like it the first time i watched it, then, since then every time i watched it i liked it more until the last time i watched it when i went back to not particularly loving it...? And i straight up don’t like Coda lmao, after the previous episode had a literal tiger, a shittily-executed bank heist that lasts for half the episode doesn’t really do it for me?

- Favourite Scene(s)

Tiger scene. Sorry to be cliche but tiger scene. The scene where Morse tries to get with Rosalind in Overture. Morse’s father’s death in Home. The ‘you’re not yellow, you’re just blue’ scene in Trove. The scene between Morse in Nick Wilding in Canticle. The LSD scene in Canticle (it’s just so fucking funny). The water-throwing scene in Muse. The fight scene in Passenger. The minefield scene in Colours. The ‘have you eaten?’ ‘of course’ ‘today?’ scene in Quartet. Morse and Isla’s kiss in Confection. The entire finale of Deguello. The scene between Morse and Ludo in Morse’s house in Oracle. Where Strange gets stabbed in Zenana. And my favourite scene in the whole show: the scene where Morse and Thursday are talking to Benny and Clyde in Neverland. Chills the whole time.

- Favourite Musical Piece or Moment

Miserere Mei, Deus in... i think Pylon - i love that piece of music. Jennifer Sometimes in Canticle is a bop. Hard Times from Lewis being in Passenger is a really nice callback. Dies Irae in Harvest is fun. Also, if it counts, i love All Along the Watchtower in the season 5 trailer (and i think it might be in Colours too?)

- Favourite Cinematography/Imagery (season, ep, whatever)

The entirety of Harvest and Canticle. Arcadia is cool - the lovely typical supermarket, House Beautiful, it all fits with the theme of the episode.

- Favourite Ensemble Character that isn’t Morse

oooooof... probably Shirley and George?? Strange is close, esp. in season 7.

- Favourite One episode Character

Eve Thorne. i would die for her. I like Anthony Donn but honestly he doesn’t have much to do in Ride and half of my love for him is cos of his actor, Samuel Barnett. Also Ellie Bagshot in Quartet - for the Foyle’s War crossover.

- Favourite Morse Look (season, ep, whatever)

The red sweater thing in season 3. The weird boiler suit in season 7. The schoolmaster look in Icarus.

- Biggest disappointment

It’s horrendously un-diverse. They should have got another main female character after Shirley left. And it doesn’t treat the women it has amazingly, either - especially Violetta in Zenana. And it wouldn’t hurt to have some more gay rep - a fair few of the episodes have a gay side character, usually one where you only find their sexuality out in one scene late-on. But there should be a gay main character. Grantchester managed it in its second episode! Even Lewis gave us extremely good fodder for bisexual Hathaway. I really thought Ludo would deliver - i was a fool in man’s shoes. Also, Coda - nothing could top the tiger for me, seemingly.

- Provide some Spicy Takes (on canon, fandom, anything)

MORSESTACHE RIGHTS

I’ve already said it twice but, my dislike for Coda. Also, i know this Riles Up some people (cough cough) but there needs to be more canon gay rep, like there just needs to be.

ALSO - i’ll say this now - i love this fandom because there is never ever drama, and i want it to stay that way, but some of us just wanna watch Endeavour for the vibes, some of us wanna enjoy the wider universe, and both are okay and good! But what we shouldnt do is push people in the former group to watch IM or whatever and it can come across slightly as elitism. But enough of that.

- Free Space! (make up something - anything - you want to share or say)

I write fic - https://archiveofourown.org/users/bexpls/works you may be interested in a Morse/Max or a Morse/Anthony Donn, and one of these days i will get that bi Morse casefic and that gay Fancy fic done.

I ship Fancy/Trewlove to death, but i also love them both being gay and being each others’ wingmen.

Tagging: @petersjakes @fitzrove @jasmiinitee @lieutenantmalcolmreed(ik youve been tagged by ange but i love yall) @endeavourous @endeavourmors @melbows

#tag games #endeavour

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youllallriseintheink · 4 years

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Into the Void

So. Chapter 1 of the bodyswap to the death AU is here. I can’t lie, this one has a lot of setup. Sorry about that. The next chapter is going to be much more exciting. It centers around Allison, and my Allison is pretty twisted.

Also, I’ve decided to do this as a sequel to Defining Memories so that the group will have a reason to know the first thing about each other. Don’t worry if you haven’t read it, though, all the information you’d need from it is made clear in chapter 1.

Chapter 2 should be out be Friday at the latest. I know that weeks is a long time to dwell on a comedy AU, but I want to finish this and can only write so fast.

---

It was 7:00 pm on a Sunday evening when Joey Drew found himself pulled straight out of his regular life and into a purple, mystic void. Strangely enough, this wasn’t the first time this had happened: about two months ago, he and twelve of his employees had been gathered into a void just like this, then allowed to leave once they had watched each others’ memories.

This was different, though. Then, well, the mystic void had seemed a little much, but Joey had been expecting some supernatural events. You could even say he’d unleashed them. Now? Joey was clueless, and his heart was like a lead hammer pounding at his chest. What had he done?

“What’s going on, Joey?” a voice asked. He turned to see that it was Henry, and the other eleven people from last time were there, too, looking confused and, in most cases, worried. Joey’s throat was so tight that wasn’t sure he could speak. “We’re just here to watch more memories, right?”

Just then, a maniacal laughter emanated from all around them, loud and high-pitched.

Oh, absolutely not! The void mocked. It was jaunty and garbled and high-pitched. I paid you my favour, and you didn’t pay me back. And you didn’t put me away properly, either. So I’ll tell you what I’m going to do: now that you all know each other a bit, we’re going to play a game. You hear?

“Joey, get us out of here!” Sammy yelled. There was fear evident in his voice. “Do it. You know how, right?”

Joey stared vacantly into the void as it laughed and laughed at them.

No one here is getting away until you entertain me. Now, here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m going to take your souls, and put em’ in random bodies. And you’ll want to keep up the performance of being whoever you’re supposed to be, because at the end of the week, you’ll all get a chance to guess each others’ identities. Anyone who can guess more identities than their identity was correctly guessed will be put back into their bodies. Anyone else, the voice giggled, DIES! I’ll give you all, hmm... about two minutes to work out the practicalities. Bye-bye!

The thirteen people got a good look at each other, perhaps so they’d recognize who they were five minutes from now. Strangely, the strongest reactions in the room seemed to be nervousness and stunned shock, most likely because the reality of such a bizarre scenario hadn’t sunk in yet.

After a while, Thomas spoke up on the practicalities of the situation. “Alright. Here’s what I propose we do,” Thomas said, trying to sound perfectly calm. He wanted nothing more than to wring Joey’s neck, but now was not the time. “Let’s all write any important information about how to handle each other’s lives on pieces of paper and leave them taped to our own lockers, or offices, or whatever it is we have. That can include any meds we have to take, how to interact with family members, details about work, whatever. Alright?”

Allison’s sobs were the only answer.

Thomas blinked, and the next thing he knew, he was still hearing those same sobs, albeit in a somewhat deeper voice, but he was in an apartment he didn’t recognize and looking at the face of Sammy Lawrence. Looking down at his own hands, he saw very thin arms coated in inky black gloves.

“Oh, Sammy, what’s wrong?” Thomas cooed in the girliest, most sympathetic tone he could muster. The game had begun.

The next day, the thirteen took to their roles. Thomas hated his new body. Susie hadn’t been kidding about not producing body heat because she was made of ink, and he was freezing cold whenever he was outside of her well-heated apartment. On the plus side, the note said that Joey Drew had her scheduled to do some bit parts for an upcoming episode because he hadn’t been able to find a replacement voice actress yet, so at very least he wouldn’t have to do her usual performances and meet-and-greets as Alice Angel. He barely knew a thing about this studio’s characters, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to sing.

Sammy didn’t mind being Allison too much. He could sing. He had a feeling that living with “Thomas” wouldn’t be such an issue, either. While he was experimenting with his new singing voice the night before, Sammy caught “Thomas” bundling up in a heavy sweater and heading out to stargaze in the crisp night air. “He” walked so delicately when he thought no one was watching, and the way he was holding “his” arms to his heart- there was no doubt about it. This was Susie rediscovering life in a human body. He even caught her feeling her pulse, unaware that she was being watched. It crushed Sammy’s heart to see, but at least he’d figured out an identity.

Allison didn’t like Sammy, and not just because of the air of snobbery she got from him, or all the contemptuous looks he gave to Tom. By his memories, it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he’d had a part in Susie’s death and rebirth. Now that she had his body, well, she’d figure out a way to make things even. She knew she would. And in the meantime, there were certain ways that she planned on taking advantage of it.

Bertrum had ended up the body of the lyricist, Jack Fain. He supposed there were worse things- writing song lyrics sounded like something he could learn. He, like many of the other players, had to ask where his office was. To his dismay, he learned that he had no office: he usually worked in the sewers. Was there anyone in this company who wasn’t either incompetent, a psychological mess, disrespectful, or massively lacking in self-respect? Worse, he had no idea where to put his note, since, as Bertrum could work out ride designs at home and only ever came in occasionally to check on the Bendyland workers or meet with Joey Drew, he had no office or locker. He had to find whoever was piloting his body so he could tell them about the dinner party with the Georgian investors on Thursday evening and make sure they didn’t ruin it. Thus, Bertrum found himself working as close to Bendyland as he could without setting off anyone’s radar, hoping to catch a glimpse of himself.

On the other hand, Jack didn’t mind being Bertrum. He worried about how things were going with his husband and adoptive kids, of course, and the situation was scary in general, but at least his form put him at an advantage. This way he would have an excuse to interact with “Lacie” for as long as he needed to in order to figure out her identity, and wouldn’t need to interact with too many other participants of the game. He could focus on designing attractions that weren’t rides, since he had no mechanical knowledge, and keep his profile down for the week, and he would be just fine, he hoped.

Norman was relatively unafraid. He was Shawn- more or less a best-case scenario. Shawn’s job didn’t require much skill, and he was gregarious enough that it wouldn’t be out of character to interact with almost any of the players. Plus, from years of watching from the shadows, Norman knew almost everyone’s secrets- this was a bloody game and Norman took no joy in that, but it was his game.

Shawn was Lacie. Okay, someone he knew well and who wouldn’t interact with other players much. A fair deal. He could handle this. Thankfully, she had been outside when the transformation had occurred, so no one who knew her personally heard Shawn’s existential screams.

Lacie barely knew Norman beyond his reputation for watching people and rarely talking, but he seemed pretty easy to pretend to be. She had to ask a coworker what her job was, and almost laughed when she got the answer. Much of it was sitting high and mighty above the recording studio, which periodically contained four of the players of the game. She’d been terrified at first, but all things considered, she’d have to really screw up to lose this game.

Joey also thought he had a good deal, playing Henry. Joey knew Henry so well, and already knew wife and his children (they loved their uncle Joey). Heck, Joey had even envied Henry’s home life. And Joey knew how to draw, and how to put on a persona. It seemed like a best-case scenario! That was, until it was ten a.m. and Joey was sick to death of drawing. Henry had an ability to do repetitive work for hours that Joey quite simply lacked, and Joey found himself without an excuse to visit anyone. Often, during his first day, he would just walk somewhere where he knew other players would be, and just stand there, watching, hoping for a clue to anyone’s identity. It was a very un-Henrylike thing to do, but at least it wasn’t Joeylike, either. He was fairly certain that he wouldn’t be guessed for it.

Henry, in the meantime, was thrilled to be Joey. He’d worried himself to the point of vomiting the night before, thinking about how he’d have to contribute to the deaths of others for a chance to see his family again. But now, he was planning- working out misguided, Joeylike decisions that would test the nature of the players, starting with the music department. He was ready to do anything to secure his life, and being someone this powerful could only help.

Grant was in full-on panic the second he was out of the void, and the noise from that brought over a somewhat familiar-looking golden retriever to lick his shaking hand in concern. Grant had moved to another room and shut the door to keep the retriever out. It had startled him enough that he’d almost struck it, and he had no intention of hurting someone else’s pet. As soon as he came down from panic, he realized where he was: Wally’s home. Alright. This could be worse. All he had to do was clean the studio and pretend to be goofy and energetic. For a whole week. He hoped he could keep it up that long.

Wally wasn’t faring much better. He knew he couldn’t handle the studio’s finances, and he didn’t know anything about Grant. Since it had been so long, Wally couldn’t even seem to remember Grant’s memories. The note he’d been left didn’t help. Most of it was pretty mundane: the first two bullet points were about where he kept his medications and a list of scheduled meetings. The next one read,

Do not get help with my job. I have a reputation to maintain. At least, don’t get help with anything too simple.

Not exactly what Wally wanted to hear, but still a clear message. The next point, however, was a lot more cryptic.

Expect a visit at 10 a.m. on Monday. Have the second folder in my filing cabinet (the blue one) out. Have the door closed.

Well, it was 10 a.m., and Wally did have the folder out and the door closed. He heard someone twist the door handle. “Slide it under the door.” Came a deep, gravely, and very artificial-sounding voice.

Wally tried opening the door, but whoever was on the other side of it was holding it shut. Knowing that he needed to find at least one identity to stay alive, he pulled harder, but whoever was on the other side of it was much stronger than him.

“Don’t even think about it. I know exactly who you are, and if you open this door, I will tell the other eleven. Just slide that folder under the door, and keep the door closed for five minutes afterwards.”

Slowly, carefully, Wally obeyed. On the other side of the door, Grant picked up the folder and backed away slowly. He felt sorry for whoever he’d threatened, but these forms needed to be complete before the end of the week, and he was quite sure that Joey would kill him if they weren’t done properly. The second he was around the corner, he collapsed against the wall in relief. Hopefully this would be the most ridiculous thing he’d have to do this week.

“There you are, Wally,” a voice came.

Grant quickly hid the folder behind his back. “Thomas! Uh, hi!” Was that how Wally greeted Thomas? He hoped so.

“Uh, hi. So, your note probably said something about how I’m supposed to teach you to maintenance the ink machine.” Indeed, it had. “Well, that would be pretty useless, now wouldn’t it? Listen, I’ll promise not to try to figure out your identity if you can answer me this: do you know anything about machinery?”

Grant had worried that being caught ten feet from his office would have been a dead giveaway. Maybe “Thomas” was just that desperate. “Sorry, no,” he said.

“Okay,” “Thomas” said. “Guess I’ll just have to teach him next week. Best of luck not dying.” Susie left, making sure to walk heavily, as Thomas would have. She’d just have to make sense of Thomas’ instructions on her own. Maybe calling GENT or getting some books on machine maintenance from the library would help. One week. She had to keep the ink machine, whose pipes and various machinery extended from one end of the studio to the other, in one piece for one week, plus keep up with the pipe installations Joey had wanted. Plus find at least two identities (she wasn’t sure how long she could hide her true colours from “Allison”), and keep her own hidden so that she could survive.

This was going to be a week.

#body swap to the death au #my fanfiction #joey drew crew

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bthenoise · 5 years

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Q&A: Hear How Frank Iero Wants You To Become The Future Violents With Third Solo LP ‘Barriers’

All photos by Julius Aguilar

When you think of Frank Iero, we’re sure a lot of things come to mind. He’s a musician, he’s a dad, he’s an active user on Twitter. What most people might not realize is that Frank Iero is a huge music fan -- like, the guy knows way more about things you didn’t even know existed in the first place.

For example, take a certain guitar used by a late-60′s early-70′s band called The Wrecking Crew. Frank, being the musical factoid that he is, was able to spurt out knowledge dating back years from a recent documentary he had watched. Knowing this, we knew we had to take the former My Chemical Romance member to Arizona’s approximately 200,000 square-foot Musical Instrument Museum.

There, Frank and Noise contributor Jimmy Smith were able to walk the halls, discover instruments dating back to the 1800′s and discuss the upcoming Frank Iero And The Future Violents record Barriers.

For a glimpse into the knowledgable and insightful hang out, which also dove deep into Frank’s life-changing car accident between a city bus and his tour van, be sure to look below. Afterward, make sure to pre-order Frank’s forthcoming LP Barriers before it hits stores May 31st via UNFD.

Alright, so maybe the easiest or the hardest question I’ll ask you all day: What was the best thing you saw here at the Musical Instrument Museum?

Oh man, Tommy Tedesco’s [Telecaster]. That was unreal. I had no idea that [they] had that here. Like, I’ve seen documentaries on The Wrecking Crew and you learn about the incredible players they all were and how many songs that particular guitar has been on that you wouldn't even know. And just to kind of see it sitting there, it's like, “Wow.”

Were there any out-of-the-box instruments you would want to get on a record of yours?

That's the thing. Any chance you have to get an instrument in your hands and try to learn the inner workings of it and what kind of sound you can get out of it, that stuff's amazing. I like to sometimes try to take a step back and approach it from a side I don’t know and think about like, “How would I think of this instrument if I had never seen anyone else play it before? Like, how would I get a sound out of it that I’ve never heard?” And that’s kind of fun.

What do you think is the most unique instrument you've actually used on a record?

Well, early on in the My Chem days, a theremin was on [a record] but it's definitely not like one [that’s noticable]. Because it was just really a bit of a little sprinkle on top. That's an odd one to play. On this next record that we're releasing at the end of May, there's a song on Barriers called “Basement Eyes.” I wanted church bells, I wanted the chorus to have this Phil Spector kind of vibe with like percussion and almost like that feeling you get when you listen to The Crystals. “And Then He Kissed Me,” that kind of thing. So we rented this piano -- I guess, you’re not going to be able to see this reading this -- but it's like a desktop kind of thing, like maybe three-and-a-half feet tall, not a lot of keys and maybe an octave and a half. It's called a Viber-Charm and they sold it to churches that didn't have a lot of money and didn't have the pipe organ sort of church bells and they can play different things on this keyboard. And I mean, it had to be from like the 50s. [It had] braided cables, everything looked like it was going to catch on fire at any moment. And that made a resounding sound on that song. That's how we achieved that.

So obviously with every record you do you want to spice it up and do things differently. What else did you bring to the table this time around aside from adding new members?

Well, this was this is a fun one to do because I was able to really chase tones that I wanted to get. Usually, you don't have a lot of time in a studio, especially when you're a smaller artist or self-funding and stuff like that. [Usually,] you’re going into the studio with, you know, say 17 days or two weeks or something like that and you're trying to get 12 to 14 songs out. This record, we did 17 days and we did 17 songs. Steve Albini is the one that engineered this record. He’s just such a master of his craft. And I mean, he’s the only person that you work with that doesn't have any help, it’s just him in the studio. No ones there. Like someone goes and gets coffee sometimes. Other than that, like no one touches a microphone or anything. Like, he sets up everything himself. He's at the board. He does edits on tape, of course, it's like straight two-inch tape. You need someone that is so unbelievably versed in their craft to be able to make that time work. And we mixed in that amount of time as well.

Wow. Did you enjoy having that kind of time crunch?

[Laughs] There's definitely a picture of me [and] the whole band at the end of the session I posted on my Instagram. I look like someone that is like, “Oh my god, I can't believe we finished this.” And yeah, I mean, it's hard. You sleep at the studio too. So you record [all day] and then you can go in after hours and work on stuff. But like, you're there a lot and it's the second time in my life that I had an episode of sleep paralysis. Like, one of the nights, I woke up and my brain had woken up first but my body didn't. And I was like, “Oh no!” It's the scariest experience ever. So I was definitely stressed. But we got it done.

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A post shared by frnkiero (@frankieromustdie) on Mar 29, 2019 at 2:06pm PDT

Did the sleep paralysis affect any of the songs at all? Did it make you think differently about your lyrics maybe?

No [laughs]. Like, I've had it twice. Once it happened, I was in My Chemical Romance at the time, and I don't know if we were recording but I was definitely stressed out. And I didn't know what it was. And that [time] was like, “Oh man, there must be” -- I was in a hotel, I was like, “This must be haunted.” Like, immediately I went to that because it feels like someone's pushing you down and you can't move at all but you're fully awake and aware that you can't move and that's why it’s so scary. The second time it happened during this recording, I woke up and I was on my side, and I remember being like, “Oh no, it's happened again” [laughs].

The ghost found you!

[Laughs] Yeah! The ghost found me! Like, “Oh great, he’s followed me now.” But I heard this -- it almost felt like a laser starting from the top my head and going all the way down and I heard “zzzzzzzzzzz” like I was being scanned. It was crazy. And then when it finally got to my feet, [snaps] I woke up. I was able to come out of it and I immediately Googled it like “What the fuck is this?!” So I saw this sleep paralysis thing that said sometimes when your brain wakes up before your body, you can carry through a dream that you're having. So if you're having a nightmare, you'll see things from your nightmare and that’s why people think it's like, “Oh no, it's a demon holding me” and it freaks you out. But it's like, “Oh my god” [laughs].

So just talking about the people you brought in for this record, some of them you’ve known for a very long time. Like Tucker Rule, for example. What is it like to get to play in a band with him?

Oh, man, it's a dream come true. Like Matt [Amrstrong] too, I've known both of those guys since maybe 2000 or 2001. I saw them play in respected bands that I thought were just unreal. I mean, Thursday was one of the greatest live bands, and still is, that I've ever seen. And I remember being like, “Wow, I would love to play with Tucker.” And I got to play with Tucker later on in the 2000s when our drummer from My Chem Bob [Bryar] got sick and had to go home. I think Tucker came in for an Australian tour and that was really awesome. He was fantastic. I mean, he's a fantastic drummer it was great to play with him. But I remember being like, “I wish I could write songs with him.” Like he's playing parts that someone else wrote. And that's always weird. It's almost like putting on your dad’s suit. Like, you could look good in it but you're never going to look like it's yours.

So I was like, “Wouldn't it be cool to be able to write songs with this guy?” And then Matt, he was in a band called Murder By Death. And I remember them when they were Little Joe Gould. And they came into the Eyeball [Records] family through Tucker and Thursday. And I remember being like, “Wow, I thought Thursday was good. Like, holy shit, this band is unreal!” And I mean, there was completely different instrumentation. Of course, there was a cello player and keyboard player and just the things that they were doing, I think let everyone in our little microcosm know it's not just about “I got these four chords, I'm gonna write this song.” It's like, “You should and can do so much more.” And I think that kind of blew the doors off for everybody and that's when we started to really take it seriously and try to get better. I remember thinking like, “Oh man, how cool would it be to be in a band with that guy? That kid can play.”

So is it kind of weird to think in a weird way you’re sort of their boss since it’s your band?

It's weird to be in that position because I never wanted that. I've always had bands and always started bands and ended up in that position because I was the one that started it or no one else wanted to do that job so it was like, “Alright. Well, someone's got to do it, so I guess I'll do it.” But I very much love that idea of a community being like, “Alright, we're all in this together. We all have equal say.” I like the writing process of that where you bounce ideas off of each other.

So it was collaborative writing with all the members for this project?

For this one, a lot of the songs started just in my head and that's kind of how this solo project has gone. But on this record in particular, because I think we had such high caliber musicians, two songs started with ideas that my brother Even Nestor had. And two songs, one of which made the record, started with Matt. So that was a kind of a thing like, “Hey, I have this riff. Do you think we could use it?” And we would jam out on it and all of a sudden it’s a song.

Do you have a favorite song on the record?

I do [laughs].

Which one is it?

It's called “Medicine Square Garden.” It was one of those where I wrote it, had it in my head and I was like, “This is going to be really difficult to explain to someone how this song is supposed to go.” And it's either going to work or it's not. It's going to be one of those things where if it doesn't work, I'm going to be bummed because I think it's really good but I need people to like -- I don't think I could have done it with anybody else other than this bad. It's crazy. It's one of those songs that I really took a leap of faith on. And since it did pay off and it is still one of my favorite songs, I feel like that's how I knew it it was a successful record.

Getting to hear the record early, it’s interesting that after your accident, you could have gone two ways with how you wrote it: Angry and pissed off at the world or calm and just looking to get back to basics. Was that something you considered when writing Barriers?

Well I think for me, having that accident, I knew I couldn't write a record without addressing it because it was such a huge moment in my life and it changed everything. I knew I'm a different person because of it. And there was this huge elephant in the room that I knew I had to talk about and I had to address it and it had to be, if not a focal point of the record, it had to be -- just, it was there within everything I was writing so I needed something to be dedicated to it. But everything I started to write about just didn't feel right. Like I didn't feel like I was getting everything out the way you do, there's so much to say. And the words just weren't there. I would write something and be like, “that doesn't sum it up.” It's hard to sum up a life-changing experience like that. So that was kind of my wall that I had. And I didn't think I was going to be able to do a record. That's why too I was like, “You know, I'm just gonna take some time.” And it just so happened that Tucker ended up being free. Matt became free. Evan was free and then, Kayleigh Goldsworthy, who's the fifth member of the band. And that's when I was like, “Oh man, this is a sign. It’s like now or never. If I don't write the songs, then I'm gonna miss out.” So then all of a sudden, it all started to come out and this song called “Six Feet Down Under” emerged. And it's basically just my conversation with my therapist of trying to explain how I'm feeling and like, “I know you're trying to help and the things you're saying are very nice and they come from a good spot and I know you're really smart and that's really awesome but like it doesn't mean anything [laughs] if I can't believe that this is all real.” And getting that across, I think really opened the floodgates for me to be able to finish everything else.

Have you had a wall like that in your songwriting career before?

That was a huge one.

Was there anything similar to that previously?

Minor things. You know, there's some childhood things that you have a hard time fully grasping until you get older. Like the divorce of my parents and things of that nature, like trying to make sense of all that. Family, addiction and certain things that I went through. But nothing like this one, because I feel like this was -- it's weird. Childhood trauma evolves. You know, you start to see different sides of things and you've had the time -- there are some people that say “You have your entire life to write your first record” and then you have like maybe six months to write your second basically. With this one, it was still so fresh. And [the accident] happened to me in my adulthood. It happened at a time where I kind of felt like -- like, I had a family. I thought I had things figured out. And immediately [snaps] everything changed.

It shook you up a little.

Yeah, absolutely. I feel like at 25 you go crazy. 30 you're like, “Alright, I'm okay with not knowing everything.” Around 35 you’re like, “Well, I'm starting to get my shit together. And then you get hit by a bus” [laughs]. And you're like, “Oh man, I know nothing again.”

Okay, so then just wrapping up. I was wondering if your three band names -- the Cellabration, the Patience, and The Future Violents -- have any sort of connection?

So the Cellabration was, in my head, it was my first time as a solo artist and I didn't feel comfortable in that role so I wanted to bring along something that felt boisterous and exciting so that would take away from my, you know, like, “It’s just me up here. It’s weird” [feeling]. And I spelled it differently because I like the idea of it being like a cellular thing, like this building block of life and it's going to start from here and evolve and grow and change. So that's where that came from. The Patience was me kind of getting over the idea that I needed something to take away from me. I really wanted something that would kind of even me out and just that self-fulfilling prophecy of bringing this virtue along where you kind of take a step back and appreciate the now. I've spent so much time like, “What's next, what's next? Alright, this tour is going, alright, cool. I'm gonna get home here and then when I'm home, the next tour I’m going to do is this.” And it's like, you live so fast that you don't appreciate what's actually happening. And I don't want that.

And then this time around, The Future Violents, I started to think about how life is kind of this -- it's like you're staring at a lake and you can passively take it all in and see the things swimming underneath and maybe how the wind kind of takes the current. And we do that sometimes, we live vicariously through other people and sometimes, you know, just having it be serene is nice. And then the “active” way to live by is to kind of pick up a stone on the side and throw it in and see the ripples that go on and really affect it. And I think that act is a violent act that disrupts things [but] doesn't have to necessarily have a negative connotation. You know, it's about leaving a footprint and changing things and being conscious enough to want to disrupt what's there and hopefully in a positive way and see that ripple go on and affect other people and like bellow out. So, collectively, I'd like to think that the band and the people that are listening to this record are The Future Violents, the ones that go out and create a change and hopefully listen to this record that we've made -- a record that I used to break down these walls and barriers that I had set up -- and use it to destroy their own barriers and go out there and do things that scare the fuck out of you. Because that's the only time that we do something really wonderful is when we're so frightened that we're not going to do it right. And that's the best part.

#Frank Iero #Frank Iero And The Future Violents #UNFD #Interview #My Chemical Romance

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flannelpunkcalum · 5 years

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The Devil Wears Kevlar - Part 3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

okay this is like, actually the plot igniting. so that’s exciting right??? also did you guys see the new joker trailer? nice to see the dcu is finally catching up to me... anyway sorry this is a little late it’s just that i’m a hot mess express this week love you bye! word count is about 3.5 k

Things aren’t exactly easy, but they work.

In the next few days Aspen does start to get yelled at, in small amounts. Calum’s distinctly hungover on Monday, and she’s scared he’ll fire her for turning on the lights too bright. She’s tired some days too, and makes mistakes, or there are meetings she didn’t know about and someone shows up and Mr. Hood is double booked. He always gives her this look as he apologizes to whoever has been slighted, and he always says “new personal assistant” like it’s her fault that it wasn’t in the fucking book. He stops giving her little smiles all of a sudden, and he most certainly doesn’t tell her she did a good job in a low low voice at the end of the day.

Aspen learns to take deep breaths and count to ten and go back to her desk. She knows she’s shitty at hiding her feelings, always has been, but now that she’s a personal assistant she forces it to manifest as extra-saccharine smiles and that’s it.

Mr. Hood knows how she feels; she knows by now he’s too smart not to. It’s ridiculous, what they both know the other knows, but they’re both ignoring that. Logically, it's fucked, but if he closes his door a little too hard or she smiles with too many teeth they let it lie. It works, she thinks.

And here’s the thing; she thinks those are the bad days.

She has no idea.

It starts about a week and a half in, on a Thursday. She knows it’s a Thursday because those are the roughest days and this one is no exception. It starts out okay, actually; her roommate Mel is up in time to grab breakfast with Aspen, and they talk about normal things, goofy things, that episode of Criminal Minds they had watched last night, until they go their separate ways. She’s grinning when she hands Calum Hood his coffee and schedule that morning, and she has a happy song stuck in her head while she taps away at her keyboard. She’d like to think her good mood is infectious, because when Mr. Hood leaves his office to go to the boardroom he’s got a faint smile on too.

Things seem like they’ll be good today.

The next time she looks up from her computer it’s to glance back to the elevator when it dings open and a grey-haired man steps out. The next thing she notices about him is that his suit is nice, and the third thing is that he’s making a beeline to Mr. Hood’s empty office. That's all she has time for before she rushes up to stop him.

“Excuse me, sir?” She says, in her very best polite voice. He turns, thankfully; he may be greying but he certainly doesn’t look frail. “Mr. Hood isn’t in right now, but he should be back soon if you’d like to wait.”

The man jerks his head towards the office door, seeming confused. “Yes.” He says, and moves towards the office again. Jesus, no one goes into Mr. Hood’s office without him, not even the janitors, not even her. She moves to stop him, but before she can touch the stranger Liam’s hand is on her shoulder and he’s moving towards the man. Thank god, she thinks, before he shakes the stranger’s hand.

“I’m sorry, sir, she’s new.” Liam says, and then he turns back to Aspen. “Aspen, this is Don Falcone.” He says it like it’s big news, like this man’s important. It still means jack shit to Aspen.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. Can I get you anything while you’re here in the reception area? Coffee? A magazine?” She says, with an admirable smile (considering the circumstances).

The man doesn’t move. “Liam. Talk to this pretty little girl for me,” he says, and then Liam grabs her elbow and pulls her away into his office, hard enough that she almost cries out. He pushes her inside and closes the door behind them.

They can’t treat her like that.

“Liam, I’m not gonna let you do this twice-”

“Would you shut up and listen to me?” He reaches out again, but this time Aspen is expecting it and she darts out of his reach. “Jesus. I know you’re new to Gotham, but you don’t understand- Don Falcone is the most powerful man in this city and I’m doing you a favour, keeping you out of his way.”

“Some favour, I’m gonna bruise!”

“Yeah, well, if you stood in his way you’d get worse, Aspen. Half the city works for him.”

“Wow, Liam, a CEO?” Aspen’s still in what is very nearly a fighting stance - what the hell kind of office is this? He coworker raises a hand, and she flinches, but he just brushes his hair out of his eyes. He’s still between her and the door. “Never dealt with one of those before, thank you so much-”

“He’s the head of Gotham’s biggest crime family, so yeah, you should thank me for trying to keep you safe. He could order a hit on you for less.” Liam says, all biting.

Aspen opens her mouth to say that’s stupid, that doesn’t happen, but then she takes a look around. This is Gotham; this was where you buy pepper spray at the dollar store and where crazy people dress in costumes to burn the city down. Her mother hadn’t wanted her to take this job for a reason. Someone like her, she’d probably be no trouble to kill.

She stops and closes her mouth, looking in the office’s direction through the glass walls of Liam’s office. “...I should call the police.” She says finally, moving towards the phone.

Liam gets there first. “No, you shouldn’t. This is Gotham, the police aren’t gonna do shit. You don’t have to worry about Mr. Hood, their families go way back, the Don’s not going to hurt him. You need to worry about you.”

Aspen’s still for now, but inside she feels like something’s raging, something like a storm. Liam’s hand is on the phone, holding it down. He's twice her size, she couldn't drag him away. He looks… just as freaked as she feels, now that she looks at him. His eyes are wide and his hair, which is usually perfectly gelled straight up to heaven, has let a few stands hang in his eyes. It makes him look a little younger. Aspen feels herself wavering. “What am I supposed to do, let him just- isn’t it my job to do something-”

“It’s your job to stay alive.” Liam says, firm enough that Aspen doesn’t argue.

...for long, anyway. “I thought you didn’t want me working up here.” She says, finding just a little more anger in her.

Liam scoffs. “I don’t,” he says, sitting on the corner of his desk, “but that doesn’t mean I want to see you hurt.”

“How very sweet of you.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t make it easy.”

Aspen starts to inch towards the door, but Liam’s watching and he doesn’t try to stop her. She takes that as a sign that she can leave, but right as she’s about to make her escape she makes herself stop and face him. “You know, the next time you grab me, I’m gonna break a finger.”

He laughs, but she’s not joking. “I mean it. I’ve had enough of being manhandled. Don’t try it again.” She says, and turns on her heel. She leaves stony faced, and she sits down at her desk and looks at her hands and wishes she didn’t have these fucking glass walls so she could have a fucking meltdown.

Her hands are still balled into fists when Calum arrives, and she rushes out of her office to meet him. “Mr. Hood? Don Falcone is in your office, he’s been waiting, I couldn’t-”

“Don Falcone? Wait, he’s in- why didn’t you do something?” Mr. Hood looked reluctant to be stopped, but as soon as she started to explain he turned all the way towards her and yeah, that was worse.

“You think I could stop him? Sir, I-”

Mr. Hood has a briefcase in his hand and Aspen can only imagine that he’d like to swing it at her head. “I expect you to, yes, that’s-” He stops himself and grimaces, glancing at his closed office door. “We’ll discuss this later. Don’t leave your desk until I call for you.” He adds, already walking away.

She stands in the reception area until the office door closes. Janice won’t meet her eyes.

Aspen’s somewhere between furious and desolate.

She goes back to her desk, of course she does. Feels like she’s in a fucking time out. She’s not prepared for this. She knows science, not mob bosses or office policies, and she’s not used to being pushed around like this (because she associates with decent fucking people in her spare time).

She’s not going to let Mr. Hood get her in trouble for this. She doesn’t think she’ll get fired, but the thought crosses her mind - after all, the man goes through personal assistants like he goes through girlfriends. Anyway, if she loses this position for standing up for herself, then it wasn’t fucking worth it in the first place. In a way, she’s thankful this meeting is going into her lunch break; it gives her time to build her case, get determined.

Carmine Falcone (she did some Googling, but there’s not a lot out there) leaves after a good long time, looking unreadable. Aspen forces herself to smile and wave at him as he passes her office, which gets a nod in return (“order a hit” reverberates in her head). Calum’s office door closes before she sees him, so she grits her teeth and stays sitting down, staring at her computer monitor before the phone rings.

They maintain their polite ignorance over the phone. Mr. Hood asks if he could see her in his office, please, and she says right away, sir, and they both hang up like adults. Aspen doesn’t kid herself, though, he’s going to tear her apart in a minute.

She squares her shoulders and crosses the lobby, knocking on his door before she can chicken out. “Come in,” says Mr. Hood, and she has to take a deep breath and remind herself of the overtime pay before she pushes open the door to meet her fate.

She knows he’s mad because he keeps on writing, doesn’t even look up as she enters. He wants to make her suffer for this, in some small way. He’s really fuckin’ mad, then. Still, she waits. There’s not much else she can do.

Eventually, he puts his pen down and looks up. “Is it unreasonable, what I ask of you, Aspen?”

“Is-”

“No.”

Alright, then.

Mr. Hood continues. “My orders are simple and they’re easy to follow and yet you allowed someone to stay in my office unsupervised for half an hour without so much as opening the door? Do you understand how ridiculous that is?”

Aspen knows she’s in the right, but she can still feel her face growing red. “Yes.”

“Oh, really? I don’t think you do, because certainly you allowed it to happen. I also know that’s the reason Carmine Falcone has a copy of one of my stupid paper schedules in his pocket and for the rest of the day he knows-”

This has gone too far, Aspen has to do damage control. “Sir, I think that’s-”

“Miss McMichael, you will not interrupt me.” His very tone makes Aspen feel like she's been slapped, and she closes her mouth. She doesn't think he's ever called her that before. “God knows what else he’s got on me, thanks to your negligence. I think I’ve been very forgiving of your mistakes, but this is something else.” He stands up. His jacket is off, and his dress shirt is drawn tight across his shoulders. Aspen is reminded of how big he is, but he’s not like Liam. He’s not going to grab her. Right? “Can you give me one good reason that I shouldn’t send you out of this office right now?”

“Look, Mr. Hood, I tried, but-”

“You will not use that tone with me.”

That does it.

Aspen feels lightheaded with anger. “No, you will let me speak, sir, since I’ve sat through your entire rant so far.” She says, with all the energy in her little body. She’s firm. She’s not going to get pushed around any more. “I tried to stop him, and I’m sure he told you that, but Liam wouldn’t let me and I don’t mean to blame him but he told me about - um, Falcone’s line of business, and to be frank yeah, I think it’s a little unreasonable for you to ask me to drag a mobster out of your office while you’re out.”

She almost regrets her harsh tone for a second, while Mr. Hood sits in stunned silence. Fuck, she’s never spoken to him like that. “I understand that you’re angry but this isn’t fair. I don't want to lose this job but if you want someone who’ll let you scream at them just because you’re angry you should send me back to the lab right now.” She says, finally.

Aspen knows from experience the next few moments are crucial, because she’s known to be an angry crier on occasion. If she can just keep it together for a few more seconds, caught in Mr. Hood’s agonizing gaze, she’ll be alright and able to scrape her composure back together. And this is Calum Hood they’re talking about, she’s seen him go cold on people before, but being the target of this is almost knocking her over. If she crumbles now, though, she’ll never have his respect. She can see it in his eyes.

He doesn’t speak.

This silence draws long.

It’s probably only a few seconds, but Aspen can’t stand it. “Also I think if you thought the paper schedules were stupid I think there’s a better way to tell me.” She adds quickly, and that gets a small sniff of amusement from Calum and suddenly she can breathe again.

“You’re... somewhat right.” He says, sitting back down.

That’s something.

“...next time something like this happens, I need you to call me right away. Don’t put yourself in any danger, if it comes to that. If Falcone, or anyone else won’t listen to you, just let them go and call me as soon as you can.” Aspen nods. At least that’s something she can do. “I’m sorry I was unfair. But you should know that if this happens again and you don’t alert me, your job will be entirely on the line.” It’s not the same threat he gave her earlier, but her stomach still twists. She moved for this job, she can’t lose it. Maybe Mr. Hood sees that, because his tone gets a little gentler. “How did Liam stop you from keeping Falcone out, if you don't mind me asking?”

At this point, Aspen’s just trying to calm herself down. She's not sure if she wants to tell her boss about her conversation with Liam, to be quite honest, because she's mad at him and all but… now she thinks he might have been doing the right thing. “That’s… well, he kind of pulled me into his office and had a talk with me and if what he told me is true I should be thankful for it.” She tries to make her choice of words sound neutral, but there's no reason for Mr. Hood to question her. She really doesn't want Liam to get in trouble for this.

“What did- it doesn't matter. Sometimes in Gotham you can't tell myth from fact.” Mr. Hood mumbles, face unreadable. “...thank you for being honest with me, and for… I hired you for this and not Liam for a reason, you know that?”

Aspen doesn’t trust herself to speak, so he continues. “Liam’s wonderful. He’s loyal. But you weren’t afraid to stand up to me in the interview, and you weren’t afraid now. I admire that. I just need some of that to come out next time Don Falcone comes into the building, understood?” He graces her with a rare smile and Aspen almost falls over. He was ready to fire her a moment ago, but now she watches carefully and she doesn’t see any anger seething under his skin. She hopes that’s not dangerous, but when he looks at her like that - well, it feels a little dangerous for a different reason.

Mr. Hood is waiting for her to reply, so she wets her lips and makes an effort. “To be fair, I was very afraid to stand up to you. Both times. But, uh, fortune favours the bold. As do ridiculously wealthy CEOs.”

He smiles outright at that. Aspen can’t believe she missed this feeling over the past few days, when he was just- different. She doesn’t know what it is that’s changed, but now he seems like a person, not her boss. It’s exceptional, this brief side of him.

“Indeed.” He says, picking up his pen again. “And I apologize for Mr. Falcone, if he made you feel uncomfortable. He has… old fashioned manners, I think, that’s a polite way to put it.”

Aspen thinks back to “pretty little girl” and almost pretends to gag for dramatic effect. She doesn’t, but it’s a near thing. “Does he ever, sir.”

“Don’t worry.” Says Mr. Hood. “His kind of man, their time in Gotham is coming to a close.”

Later, Aspen won’t remember what he said after that. She won’t remember exactly what she said to make a polite exit, or if Liam spoke to her after. She’ll remember the rest of the day as mostly a blur, almost like any other day.

One thing that sets it apart is that she’s starting to realize that she may have a teensy, tiny, miniscule crush on her boss. Well, not on her boss exactly, not on Mr. Hood, who is cold and inconsiderate and kind of a dick, but on Calum. She thinks she sees it sometimes; the parts of him that smile and tease and try to console her. It seems pretty superficial on her part, if she’s honest, and it doesn’t happen often so it shouldn’t be a problem, but Aspen’s fucking derailed by it right now. Her time at her desk that afternoon is infinitely complicated by it; she’s itching to get him to smile again.

Mr. Calum Thomas Hood is a complicated man, she’s coming to realize, and even though logically, she knows she wants no part in it, that doesn’t change the fact that she does. If he wasn’t her boss - if she was looking to date - if he wasn’t so stern - if she wasn’t so obviously not his type - if he wasn’t - maybe things would be different.

But here they are.

That’s what Aspen arrives at, at the end of the day. She gives herself the whole subway ride home to feel sorry for herself, but she knows she’s got to repress the shit out of those feelings if she wants to hang on to this job.

When she gets home that night, she tells her roommates about creepy Don Falcone, and they tell her that she should be grateful that Liam pulled her out of there. Paige is a journalist, Melissa is a political aide, and they both know more about Gotham than she does, so she believes them and tries not to let the cold reality of this city get to her.

That does turn out to be impossible.

When Aspen wakes up the next morning, Paige is already in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal and her laptop open. Sometimes after some major crime Aspen will find her like this in the morning, typing furiously and half-awake. It’s rarely a good sign.

“You’re gonna want to see this.” Paige says, in lieu of a good morning, and spins her laptop to show Aspen.

“...Jesus Christ.”

“I know,” says Paige, “Leslie thinks it’s the Batman, doing this, ‘cause you know how he feels about corruption, and, well, it’s Don Falcone, but the police are saying…” and she’s trying to fill Aspen in but Aspen isn’t so focused on that right this second.

She knows it’s silly, and she knows she’s paranoid, but Calum Hood had been really fucking angry yesterday after Falcone left. What he had said - his time was coming to an end, or something - he couldn’t mean…

Well, this was Gotham. There was nothing you couldn’t do with the right kind of money.

Aspen knows it’s just her being crazy, but hell, if she wasn’t planning on staying away from Calum before, she is now.

#calum hood series #calum hood #ch series #ch imagine #my writing #5sos series #calum hood fic #ch fic #tdwk #the devil wears kevlar #tdwk3 #i always hate doing tags #read it or don't follow your heart #anyway hi love u enjoy #ceo!cal

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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1041

survey by chasingghosts

What is the age gap between you and your parents? 27 for both. Technically, 26 years with my mom since she had yet to celebrate her birthday when she had me, but she was going to turn 27 all the same. Guh. I can’t believe I’m just five years away from that and I’m still nowhere near building my own family.

How many bathrooms does your house have? Is this enough? Two. I’d say it’s enough. Two people in the family rarely have to go to the bathroom at the same time so it works out for us.

Have you sent a letter to anyone in the past year? Yeah. I used to give Gabie a handwritten letter every Christmas along with her gifts. I still plan on writing her one, but obviously the content will be vastly different now.

Have you ever video chatted with someone you met online? I did this with Carley a handful of times; we’d video chat when I came home from school which was around the time she would get ready for school. She was such an extrovert who was so lovely and bubbly around me, and I’ve always felt bad that she had to contend with my shy ass with my mic always muted lol.

Are you hungry or thirsty right now? I’m neither but I can go for a light meal right now, which is great because I got myself a chicken barbecue sandwich and a caramel macchiato from Starbucks as a treat for myself tonight :) I went through five video call meetings just for today alone, went through several breakdowns while at work, and am also on my period, so I thought I deserved a break.

When was the last time you ate something, and what did you eat? Literally just had a bite from my sandwich.

Have you ever seen the film Boondock Saints? Nope. Sounds nothing like my type of film.

Do you own a pair of gumboots? Nah. I don’t like walking in floods anyway, so I don’t plan on getting a pair.

What colour is your favourite mug? Copper.

How far away from your town/city is your state's capital city? I already live in my province’s capital.

Have you ever worked somewhere where you had to clean the toilets? I haven’t.

Do you know anyone named Doug? No, not really a common name here.

What cut of jeans is your favourite and why? Do mom jeans count as a cut? I’ve been all over those throughout 2020. They’re stylish and yet so comfy, which are two words that seldom go together.

Do you rate people's attractiveness on a scale of 1-10? Uhhhhhhhh unless a friend asked me to rate someone they know, I don’t really think in these terms.

Name a few of your favourite actors. Kate freaking Winslet. Also Kristen Stewart, Emma Stone, Audrey Hepburn, Brie Larson, Florence Pugh, and Eddie Redmayne. I’d name Timothée Chalamet but I have yet to see a work of his.

Do you collect anything, or have you ever? The first item I ever collected was notebooks. In my past relationship (is it obvious I’m not over it yet and probably never will be? Ha) I initially liked to collect receipts from places we went to and ate at. I’d also like to be able to grow a collection of wrestling memorabilia, particularly action figures and belts. It’s not really a life goal of mine but it’d still be a cool thing to achieve.

So, how has your week been so far? I mean it’s only Monday, so nothing much. I cried and broke down a lot today which wasn’t a good start, but tomorrow’s a holiday so no work; and for Thursday I was invited to the Christmas party of the department I initially interned at and apparently they’ll be sending over a Christmas kit over to my place so I’m looking forward to these! It’s super touching they remembered and still invited me even though I’m not a part of the team anymore, so I wouldn’t have missed the party for the world.

Is there anything that you could cry about right now? Definitely, and being on my period at the moment makes it so much easier to cry. But I already cried too much and too hard earlier today and it felt exhausting, so I’m trying to avoid it tonight.

How old were you when you learned how to tie your shoelaces? I was five. I probably would’ve made myself learn later but one of our ‘exams’ in kindergarten was to show that you know how to tie your shoelaces, so I had to ask my grandma to give me a crash course.

Have you ever slept in a car overnight? Why did you have to? Yeah. I had to pull several all-nighters in college and work at 24/7 coffee shops, but I usually gave up by around 2-3 AM and would sleep in the car by then.

When was the last time you used Facebook? Earlier this evening, but I couldn’t scroll too much because spoilers for Start Up are everyyyyyyfuckingwhere and I’m still several episodes away from the finale, which aired last night.

Do you have a PO Box or does your mail get sent straight to your house? Our mails and parcels get sent straight to our door.

Are you interested in entomology? Do you know what that is? Never been. I think it’s great that insects have a lot of capabilities and contributions that we often take for granted; but I personally find a great deal of them icky as well lol so I wouldn’t say I’m interested in this branch.

Have you ever had to claim insurance? What for? Hmm I don’t think so. Not my own nor my parents’. Do you like to listen to albums start-finish without skipping or shuffling? I’ll do this sometimes with my favorite albums, yes. Fuck knows how many times I listened to After Laughter from start to finish with no skips; it was my favorite for a while.

Do you have any unspoken enemies, or maybe frenemies? I’m not the biggest fan of Patrice, but it’s not something I broadcast to people because why would I? I’m sure she slightly does not like me too, so we’re even.

What was the last thing you broke? That would be my last phone charger cord. I’ve since had it replaced though.

Do you have a favourite state/province/territory in your country? Not necessarily an overall favorite but I do have a favorite place I’ve traveled to, which is Sagada. I need a second vacation to see if it still lives up to my expectations and if it would still be able to give me an experience as cathartic and therapeutic as my first trip there, but for the last five years it has sat on the throne.

How many vowels are in your street name? Is this question too mundane? Three. I mean I’ve never been asked this on a survey before, so I wouldn’t call it that.

What are your three top favourite flavours of ice cream? Cookies and cream, chocolate chip cookie dough, coffee.

How far away is the nearest Target? At least a couple thousand miles away.

Do you prefer Target, Kmart or Walmart? Idk and idc.

Have you ever farted in class or somewhere else you shouldn't have? No. I suppress my farts, even when I’m alone haha it’s just my least favorite bodily function.

What's your middle name? Would you change it? I’m not giving it away. I wouldn’t change it and I’m definitely not giving it up even if I get married. I’m keeping my middle name then just hyphenate my surname so that I get to keep all three names.

When was the last tie you wore heels? What was the occasion? September. Job interview for a position I didn’t really want but still chose to undergo because it was still an interview.

Do you find yourself lost for words often? I guess yeah, depression does tend to do that to me.

Did you share baths with your siblings/cousins when you were a child? Yep, I remember sharing the shower with my sister as late as when I was 10. Then puberty happened to me and I did not want to continue the practice anymore, haha.

Have you ever been a member of an online dating site? How did it go? I joined Tinder while I was in a relationship (she made an account as well at the time so it was fair game) literally just to people-watch. I wasn’t interested in cheating; I was just genuinely curious to see how the app worked. I put on a fake name, age, location and my profile photo was of a cat I saw in school so it was impossible to tell it was me.

Do you know what your neighbours even look like? I would not be able to recognize them if you lined them up with a bunch of other strangers, to tell you the truth. I’d probably be able to recognize the carpenters working on the house currently being constructed in front of ours though; they’re super nice and they’re crazy over Cooper haha.

How many siblings does your best friend have? Angela is an only child.

Do you put ketchup on your fries? No. Ketchup does not go anywhere near my fries.

Have you been lucky enough to make out with anyone in the past week? LOL lucky enough...but no, I haven’t done that in a while.

Have your parents ever worked in the agriculture business etc. on a farm? Neither have.

Do you have an ex that makes you angry with literally everything they do? No.

Are you easily susceptible to brain freeze? No but tooth sensitivity, yes. I have a certain tooth that acts up whenever I eat ice cream, and it can get soooo inconvenient and uncomfortable for a few seconds.

#survey #surveys

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nicol3houghts · 5 years

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STOP WATCHING THE OFFICE: other things to watch this summer

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE ZIE OFFICE!! But as much as it pains me to say, the office isn’t a personality trait, so I’ve decided to make a list (e.g. Buzzfeed lists) of my top 16 recommendations for TV and podcasts to watch and listen to—since we all need to stop being basic bitches and FOCUS!

I hope you listen to me when I say these shows are amazing and actually watch them if you have the time. I'm doing this because I care about you and your TV preferences.

I'll break it up by streaming service, starting with Netflix then Hulu, YouTube, then Podcasts last.

*I apologize in advance for the lousy grammar and lack of editing, but also not really sorry bout it.

-----------------------------------------

On NETFLIX:

1. Arrested Development

Number of Seasons: 5

Number of Episodes: 91

Hours to Binge: 35

Okay, number one on my list is Arrested development. A lot of people I talk to, especially in my age range, don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, but this show is GENIUS... on G*D. I’ve watched it around four times now, and each time it gets better and better. I read somewhere that it was created as a satire of Bush-era incompetence and idiotic hanky-panky during the Iraq war. But at its heart, the show’s about a rich family with four adult children—who are all goofy and quirky. Their dad get’s thrown in jail for doing business with terrorists or something like that and Micheal Bluth (Jason Bateman) has to get them out of weird ass situations.

youtube

Above is one of my favorite scenes (Best clip I could find on youtube!!).

This show has a LOT of jokes and long running bits that you kind of have to pay attention to to get the storyline. It’s hella META, and at times, can be really weird (see George Micheal Bluth and Maeby Fünke’s little Les Cousins Dangereux). In conclusion, however, Jason Bateman is hot, Micheal Cera is hot, and Tony Hale is ~super~ hot.

P.S. a lot of memes come from this show that you would know but don’t know that it’s from this show.

2. The Haunting of Hill House

Number of Seasons: 1

Number of Episodes: 10

Hours to binge: 9

youtube

Scary as f*ck! Do not watch yourself or u will die. I warned you.

I'm not going to spoil it too much, but it's about a family living in a spooky house and crazy ass shit keeps happening to them. They eventually move out, but even 20 years after--when the kids are all adults--the haunting of the house follows them.

There's even a 17 min scene that they shot in one shot!!!!!!!! That's wiLD.

3. Schitt's Creek

Number of Seasons: 5

Number of Episodes: 66

Hours to binge: 25

Yet another show about a rich family loosing all their money. A bit different than Arrested Development. This show is about a rich ass family loosing all their money and resorting to live in Schitt's Creek--a town in Nowhere, U.S.A. the family bought as a JOKE. It's a really easy watch. The characters in this show are SO un-relatable and mean it's hilarious--only if u f*ck wit dry humor tho.

Here's my favorite character, Alexis Rose just being iconic:

youtube

Give it a try, the first few episodes are rocky, but it gets better. That's a guarantee.

4. American Vandal

Number of Seasons: 2

Number of Episodes: 16

Hours to binge: 9

A lot of people already probs watch this show, but it's honestly so beautifully written. The show is an homage to Making a Murderer, a true crime mockumentary of sorts. It follows two guys, Sam and Peter as they try to figure out a mystery: WHO DREW D*CKS ON THE TEACHER'S CARS?

Also, JIMMY TATRO!!!!!

Season 2 follows a different crime and it's... it's poopy.

5. Mindhunter

Number of Seasons: 1

Number of Episodes: 10

Hours to binge: 9

YUH. Just started this, already on ep. 8, very interesting. Mindhunter is about the first FBI agents to use profiling to catch serial killers. THE CHARACTERS IN THIS SHOW WALKED SO THAT HOTCH AND REID COULD RUN.

This show is no joke and based on true serial killers like the coed killer, the shoe fetish killer, and BTK, it's very.... very creepy.

ALWAYS carry pepper spray on ya, that's fer sher.

6. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

pinot noir, caviar

7. John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

8. The Good Place

is it really the good place?

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On Hulu:

9. Broad City

Number of Seasons: 5

Number of Episodes: 50

Hours to binge: 18

One of the greatest television series of all time about two baller best fraaands who get into the schemes of the century in New York City. Illana, a ferocious kween wit ZERO f*cks, and Abbi, an aspiring artiste with a great ass. The two work min-wage jobs in NYC (so they're broke) and they're just trying to find luv and a good bacon egg and cheese.

Think Sex and the City but fresh and new and wild. Abbi and Ilana's dialogue and schemes are relatable af, it makes it seem like you're there with them. Their co-dependency is so powerful... yet at moments, a lil destructive. I once had a friendship like this.. and let me tell you... co-dependency is a wild ride.

youtube

Some of the funniest scenes in this show is just of them talking on the street. Sometimes, when I'm walking with my friends, I pretend like I'm in the show lol.

I recommend you start from beginning to end because of the endless callbacks and running gags, but if not start with season 3, episode 7 B&B-NYC. Blake Griffin is in it.

10. Community

Number of Seasons: 6

Number of Episodes: 110

Hours to binge: 41

What can I say about this show to make you watch it? Well first of all the fact that Childish Gambino (Donald Glover) is in it should already have you clicking over to Hulu by now.

Community is about seven quirky misfits: a disbarred lawyer, a failed housewife, an activist everyone hates, a racist old man, a stupid jock who lost his sports scholarship, a high-strung know-it-all who took too much adderall, and abed. They all end up at Greendale Community College with a phsyco spanish teacher and a colorful dean.

This show is kind of a parody of a sitcom, and it is VERY meta--often referring to themselves as TV show characters. The seven get into hilarious adventures and obstacles along the way. The show also genre hops from time to time. For example, they have a whole pillow fort vs. blanket fort episode (Pillows and Blankets, season 3, episode 4) in a Ken Burns documentary style, an episode in claymation for Christmas (Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas, season 2, episode 11), and a bunch of paintball episodes in style of Quentin Tarantino and StarWars.

Again, you should start at the beginning, but if you want to get into it quickly, I really loved Pillows and Blankets (season 3, episode 4).

11. The Mindy Project

As a "petite asian woman" who is not petite, this show is very relatable. About finding love and eating good in the big apple.

P.S. If you don't like Kelly from the office, you're dead 2 m3.

12. Brooklyn 99

Cool. coolcoolcoolcool. Jake Peralta is the greatest detective/genius.

13. Superstore

If Walmart and the office had a baby and it was incompetent.

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On YouTube and Facebook Watch:

14. The Real Bros of Simi Valley

Number of Seasons: 2

Number of Episodes: 14

Hours to binge: 4

You straight up know these guys, fool. Four stoner/burn-outs who think your hometown's Mexican food is the best in the world. Amazingly written and surprisingly good acting. Lightweight lowkey thought they were speaking another language at first.

Jimmy Tatro, Cody Ko, Getter, and Nick Colletti. What more do you want? LITERALLY WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?

The unnecessary drama and endless quotable jokes in this show leads you wanting more with only 14 episodes totaling at around four hours.

Watch the first season YouTube here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybcPQVipNAw

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Podcasts:

15. Tiny Meat Gang

Aha hah bro last night was a movie bro ON GOD.

Noel Miller and Cody Ko talk about literally anything, but goofy. I can listen to them talk for straight up hours.

I usually listen on Apple Podcasts, but you can also watch on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/ZCMs4FrC_c0

Just start listening, bro.

16. My Favorite Murder

No shade to Codel, but My Favorite Murder is my all time favorite podcast. Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark are two hilarious women who love murder. Not murdering, but the psychology of murderers and survivors. Each Thursdays each of them tell a story about a murder. They don't make fun of murders, but it's their banter that makes it fun to listen to.

If you're a fan of true crime at all, please listen so I have more people to talk about it with. shouts outs Jenna for putting me on to the show!

Here are my favorite episodes!

*tip: skip the first 15-20 min to the first murder when first listening.

150: How Dare You Kill Kelli

The Hanging of Alice Riley and The Murder of Reyena Marroquin

131: The Uninhibited

The Murder of Standford White and The Case of the Boys on the Tracks

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