#also very funny that the whole top table was in calamity

[onesweetbeautifulsong]

i gotta say i LOVE when team calamity perks up in unison at any and all mentions of calamity related lore, like yeah! let's connect those dots from the arc that occurred hundreds of years in the past!!!!

[yandere-wishes]

Happy Birthday // Yandere! Beelzebub x reader x Yandere! Belphegor

I’m about four days late but here it is Belphi and Beel’s birthday fic! Happy birthday you two chaotic idiots!

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Mornings were exceptionally hectic in the house of lamination, seven brothers, five "unexpected" visitors who popped in on random, a three-headed dog and finally the exchange student from another world. All rushing and hassling trying to prepare for the RAD school day. Angry shouts and frustrated accusations ricocheted off the walls, echoing in every direction.

But today...the house was noiseless, no one screamed or shouted or yelled. The pitter-patter of footsteps was nonexistence. Today was the day the house of lamination stood still.

Strangely enough, it was the dead silence that had awaken you. Your eyes fluttered open trying to adjust to the bright light that illuminated the room. You let out a yawn and went to grab your D.D.D to check the time. 'It must still be early' you though, that was the only reasonable explanation for the momentary serenity...

why wouldn't your arms move? At first, you simply let out a huff of annoyance had Mammon or Levi spent the night again and laid on top of your arms until they went numb? A quick surveillance around the room confirmed that the crow and snake demons weren't there, in fact, it also proved that this wasn't your room at all.

You struggled again trying to move around, at this point, it was bluntly obvious that your hands and ankles had been tied. Why and buy who you didn't know...but an educated guess would suggest that this was Asmoudeus handy work, the demon of lust was always pulling rather sexual "pranks" what made this time any different.

"Asmo? Quit it I'm not in the mood for some of your stupid jokes!"

You were met with stillness..did he really think this was funny? "Asmo!" You shouted again.

"I think she's up" a monotone voice shattered the stillness. You tried to crane your head and to see who was talking. The voice was familiar definitely one of the brothers...but which one.

"Does that mean we can start eating the cake?!" The second voice was easy to identify. Ever the eager eater Beel's voice was spiked with excitement and impatience.

"B-Beel is that you? Can you untie me? Asmo's being a--" "Can you stop talking about Asmodeus!" The first voice snapped, from the edge in his tone and the "huffy" noise that came from his nose, no doubt about it, the voice belonged to Belphegor.

"W-what's..going o-on here" Fear sunk its needle-like claws into your frame. Infecting your mind, poisoning your thoughts. What was going on, what were the twins planing?

You tried struggling again, squirming and tossing around attempting to free yourself, by now your position was made clear. Your wrists were tied behind your back, your ankles were so tightly bound together that you could feel your bones sinking into one another. As for the rest of your body, it was wrapped in a long purple piece of ribbon.

"What the heck is this! Untie me NOW!" fury laced your once terrified tone, boiling inside you and replacing the fear that had built up. You watched as Belphegor slowly made his to the bed, one knee placed on the edge of the bed and hosting himself up, looming over you and incaging you in his arms. His lips were cracked into a devious smirk, his eyes bubbled with the same sort of sadistic glee they had when he'd first tried to kill you in the attic.  

"(Y/N) did you really forget what today is?" His mouth twisted itself into a pout, "I'm so disappointed in you! How could you forget the birthday of your two favorite demons?" Slowly his tail crept up your leg, tracing over your torso and making a quick bath to your neck. With snake-like agility it wrapped it's self around your throat, tighter and tighter. Air choked out of your lugs escaping and refusing to reenter. Tiny black spots were dancing around in your blurry vision.

"Belphi stop!" Beelzebub ran over to the two of you, sitting on the other side of the bed and gently pushed Belphegor away. Reluctantly the youngest uncurled his tail and released your neck. You gaged on the sudden invasion of air, chest heaving trying to greedily suck in as much as possible.

"Breath, just breathe it's okay. Belphi just got a little excited that's all, he's just so happy that we finally have you all to ourselves!" Beel ran a hand gently over your stomach attempting to ease you into calamity. It didn't work. When your breathing had been regulated, tears started to roll out of your eyes. "W-why are you...you doing this to m-me?" Was this all some cruel joke? Why would Beel the most sensitive and kind-hearted demon in all of Hell tie you up like this? Belphie you could understand the boy was unhinged but his twin? No that didn't make any sense.

Beel got up, walking over to the further corner of the room, as you followed his figure you began to note the decore of the large room. Wrapped presents of all shapes and sizes mostly in shades of orange and purple were scattered around, an enormous banner hung close to the windows. In a dripping red color too dark to be actual paint "Happy Birthday Beel and Belphi" was written in Satan's neet cursive handwriting. Finally, a large table with a plastic table cloth embossed with mini happy birthdays and party hats had been placed at the end of the room, right in front of the closets. A colossal cake with frosting the twin's signature colors and multiple tiny fruits had was placed at the center of the table. Around it streamers and plastic plates where placed in a semi-random order.

Beel carefully cut off a slice and placed it on one of the plates, walking back to you, he smilled it almost filled your heart with a type of warmth seeing that radiant grin. He sat down and carefully sliced a tiny piece of bringing it to your mouth.

"Lucifer made it! He said he used all our favorite ingredients! Wasn't that nice of him!?" You remind immobile for a moment glaring up at the orange-haired demon, did he just say "us"? As in not the twins but yourself included. "Beel, does Lucifer know that you and Belphie have me tied up in your room?" You tried to sound bold and brave but the shock was still weighting on your chest making reality seem fuzzy and surreal.

"It was his idea actually" Belphie was the one to respond, that dreadful smirk reappearing at full force. "He wanted to give us something special to make up for everything he's done to me- I mean us, to us." "So he said we could keep you as our own! Isn't that great (Y/N)" Beel beamed, he looked so cute like this, one would never think he was stating that you would have to remain with him and his brother as their captive. "Mammon and Levi we're kinda sad at first...but we promised they could see you, and Lucifer promised to get them their own darlings on their birthdays!"  

You choked out a sob the flow of tears continued as hiccups left your mouth, no wonder the house was so quiet today, all of them had planned this, they had plotted to leave you at their little brothers mercy while you had remained naive to the whole ordeal, getting on with your life as if nothing would occur to you.

"Quite crying (Y/N), just accept it you belong to us now. It really isn't so bad when you consider your other options. Satan and Lucifer would exhibit you to endless torment, Levi and Mammon are idiots and wouldn't even know what to do to you. And well...Asmo's..you get the picture. Beel and I are really the only good choice, you should be thankful to be our birthday gift!" Belphegor's statement did very little to ease your crying, then again was that even what he was trying to do. This wasn't fair you didn't want to be their little doll, you wanted to be free.

Beel leaned, placing a tiny kiss on your lips. You could smell the strawberries of cake on his breath. The older twin continued to kiss down your neck and shoulder, stopping on certain spots to bite and suck.

Belphie simply watched enjoying the small show his brother was performing. The younger twin brought his mouth to your ear and whispered.

"This is going to be the best birthday ever, and we would know, we've had a couple thousand of them.

[snidgetwidgeon]

Escape

This work was prompted by a fic exchange between friends on Discord. It evolved into something completely different as I wrote it, becoming my first whump! Prepare for the sad.

Zelda endeavors to find purpose through her crippling grief, but sometimes all you can do is leave your world behind, when all it has done is take from you.

~~~

Link found Zelda in the greenhouse treating the hydroponic tank, hands dipped into the cool water, emitting a soft golden glow. He never ceased to be mesmerized by her birth right and the creative ways she continued finding to help people.

She had chosen a quieter path after they sealed the Calamity. Rather than reinstating the monarchy in a kingdom that had clearly survived and moved on without it, she decided to be a healer. It was noble, but he also understood it to be penance. She still blamed herself for everything even though she was better at hiding it after all these years.

“Almost finished?” he asked, playing with the leaves of a tea bush.

She looked up startled, then relaxed as she saw it was only Link in his stealth set. He’d taken quite a liking to many things Sheikah since they made their residence in Kakariko and this was his favorite.

“What have I told you about slinking up on me?” she reprimanded calmly, refocusing her attention on the water.

“Don’t get caught?”

“Very funny,” she replied. “One of these days, you’ll startle the wrong person.”

Link answered with a cheeky grin.

She rolled her eyes, “I’m coming soon, I just wanted to finish feeding the new crop before we left.”

“Alright, I’ll check the horses over, make sure we haven’t forgotten anything. The girls told me to tell you, ‘don’t you dare leave’ without seeing them first,” he mimicked Koko’s manner. “I think they have something for you at the house.”

She turned to say something but he had slipped out as quietly as he had slipped in. She blew out a slow breath, trying to retain her patience.

The glow faded as she lifted her hands out of the water. She dried them on her tunic and ensured the notes she left for Mellie were in the right place. With a final glance over, everything was as it should be. Satisfied, she went to find the girls to say goodbye.

Koko and Cottla slid the door open and threw themselves at her when she knocked. “Girls, girls! You aren’t little anymore, you’re gonna take me out one day if you keep bowling me over like a baby goron,” she chided them good naturedly.

“But we miss you already,” Cottla explained while squeezing Zelda’s waist.

“I’ll be back before you know it. Come on now, you know the drill.” Zelda pried them off. “Right, Link said you have something for me?”

Koko brightened and rushed to the table to retrieve an ornate box. “Dad made this box for you to organize your medicines in when you visit the other villages, and me and Cottie made you something too!”

Zelda took it and admired the craftsmanship. It was engraved with herbs well known as remedies for various ailments and even included a silent princess on the front between the two opening clasps. “This is so beautiful, and very practical. Please tell your father I appreciate it very much in case I don’t see him on my way out.” She then looked at the girls a little expectantly, who were fit to bursting, and asked, “And what did you two make?”

“Open it,” they both chimed, slightly out of sync.

“Oh! How silly of me, of course.” She carefully undid the clasps and raised the lid to reveal a variety of snacks. “My goodness, these look delicious.”

Cottla started pointing, “I made this one, and this one, and those ones-”

Koko interrupted, “And I made this one, and all of these ones,” she said as she lifted the top layer out of the box to reveal an extra compartment beneath.

“They look wonderful, thank you so much. I’ll make sure to stretch them out during my trip and think of you lots.”

With her free arm she hugged them both and kissed their foreheads before departing, mirroring their frantic waving.

~~~

Link and Zelda began in Akkala and made their way across central Hyrule and Tabantha. Zelda’s melancholy was always more noticeable on the road than in the village. They would go hours without speaking, and Link would hum to himself often, hoping that it offered her some comfort. About halfway through their journey, he noticed a change in her spirit.

Their next destination was Gerudo Town. It always warmed her heart to visit and was her favorite. It had been her home away from home when she was growing up and she was never able to visit as much as she wanted.

From Gerudo Stable, it took nearly a day on foot to reach Kara Kara where the pool was quite welcoming. They decided to have a refreshing dip to wash off the sweat and dust of the road. They followed this by sunning themselves on the rocks like lizards until mostly dry then went to secure a room and a meal. The following day they would rent some sand seals so as not to exhaust themselves on the remainder of the journey. Link double checked that he carried all pieces of the vai outfit so he would be able to enter. He did not fancy having to wait outside like that one year when he’d remembered everything but the all important face covering.

He could have returned to Kara Kara to try and source another, but there was no guarantee something would be available and by the time he returned, Zelda would be just about finished anyway. So he had slummed it with the men outside. It wasn’t all bad. They had a nice campfire and a sense of camaraderie during the night, but... never again.

After arriving, Link went to organize their rooms at the Oasis while Zelda sought an audience with Chief Riju. By now she was a young woman of nearly twenty, still on the small side for a Gerudo, but her thick red braid had grown with her and was just as impressive as ever.

“Zelda,” she greeted her guest enthusiastically, “I’ve been looking forward to your visit. Please tell me you’ll be staying longer this time, poor Patricia doesn’t know what to do with herself when you blow in and out.”

“I see you remembered my request from last time. Thank you,” she nodded sincerely.

“Of course, I’d call you anything you like. Absent, late,” she started waving her hands to various examples in jest, “never here long enough-”

“Alright, I get it. I’m sorry. It’s just,” Zelda focused on her feet, “Impa is so frail now, I was wary of leaving at all this year.”

Riju rose from her throne in concern and approached Zelda, taking her hands in her own. “My sincerest apologies, I would not have teased if I knew. How is she?”

Zelda looked up surprised before staring down at Riju’s hands. They were smooth and bronzed, adorned with golden bracelets and teal painted nails that reminded her of Urbosa. “She... she was certainly still well enough to send me packing, telling me not to languish around on her account. The other people of Hyrule need me too, and this is how I have chosen to help, so... here I am,” she smiled but it did not reach her eyes.

Riju enveloped her in a hug and she found herself staring wide-eyed at Buliara whom she could have sworn wore a light smirk. Green mirrored green as Riju then held her at arms length, gazing into her eyes before looking her over. “What has Link been feeding you? Chickaloo nuts?” Before Zelda could answer, Riju took her by the hand and dragged her out of the audience chamber. “We’re going to go have a nice meal at the Canteen.”

Buliara was quick to follow. “Chief Riju, you still have-”

“Whatever it is can wait, I’m spending time with our special guest,” Riju answered over her shoulder. Zelda felt a slight exhilaration being pulled down the steps into the town square where the evening markets were beginning to ramp up. “What about Link?”

Riju grinned, “He’s resourceful, he’ll find us,” she winked.

Zelda felt a flutter.

~~~

A fortnight or so later, they had made their way through the Faron region and hired a boat to take them around the cape into Hateno Bay. Zelda counted the last of the fifty-odd packs labeled Blessed Tea and handed them over to the Mayor when she saw Symin running down the hill from the lab. It only seemed slightly curious until she also spotted a Rito flying away. Suddenly she had a bad feeling.

She quickly finished her transaction, “These should help over winter, Mayor, excuse me,” then yelled for Link and raced to meet Symin, leaving the Mayor with a confused expression.

Link was swiftly by her side and they met Symin halfway up the path, everyone out of breath.

“Zelda,” Symin started, “we just received word- Impa.”

Zelda was stricken, and grabbed his arm, “Is she gone?!”

“No,” he gasped for breath, “fading.”

“Link, pack our things. I’ll get Purah ready.”

The three of them materialized just above Kakariko and Zelda immediately started running down the winding path through the houses. She didn’t stop until she was huffing right outside the door of the Elder’s house. She tried to compose herself. She wanted to brave.

She hadn’t felt such fear since the day she stared down the maw of the calamity.

Link caught up shortly after, having kindly kept pace with an adolescent Purah. Part of her hoped that her sister might chose to stay with them, but in her heart she knew. This whole exercise was going to be futile.

Zelda took a deep breath and pushed the door open, eyes adjusting to the dim light of the lanterns. Paya was sitting next to Impa’s platform, her red tower of pillows now replaced with a futon. Zelda could see Impa’s small form as she approached, appearing as though she could disappear altogether under the covers into nothingness.

Paya stood and took Zelda’s hands, “She’s been holding out for you, I know it,” she whispered.

Zelda choked on a sob. “Is she- can she still hear me?”

“Yes, she’s just sleeping. You look like you could use some rest too. I’ll come get you if she wakes.”

“No, there’s no way I’m leaving her.” Zelda sat next to the futon and put her hands on the cover. She could just make out the faint tattoo in the wrinkled folds of Impa’s forehead and stretched her fingers out to touch it. They started to glow and Zelda connected with Impa’s fading essence, offering comfort and wishing she could do more. She could feel it, she had no power over the natural death of age.

She locked eyes with Purah who was now standing close, and raised her brow in a silent, pleading question.

“Of course I’ll stay.” Purah joined her on the floor, one hand resting on Zelda’s knee for support and the other gripped tightly around her slate to stabilize her own feelings.

They sat for some time, mostly in silence, occasionally telling stories about their favorite times with Impa. Link made himself useful and cared for them the best way he knew how, bringing food and soothing tea, Zelda’s own mixture. It was hardly touched but accepted with love.

Finally, after the sun had just set, Impa stirred. She was having trouble blinking her eyes open so Paya dabbed them with a wet cloth. When she saw them, her mouth opened in a lopsided, toothless grin, “My girls. There you are,” she said with a croaky voice.

“I’m here, Impa,” Zelda darted her hand under the covers to take one of Impa’s into her own, the return clasp was so loose.

“You should be out, dear. Helping-”

“All finished. I’m home to stay now.” Zelda shuffled over a bit. “Do you see who I brought with me? It’s Purah.”

Impa’s mouth became a surprised ‘O’ and she cooed. “Oh my, young as the days I chastised you, I see.”

Purah smiled, “Hey, sis. You always knew how to look out for me, even if I didn’t listen.” She looked between Paya and her slate hesitantly, an unspoken permission requested.

Paya nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat.

“Impa, I can look after you now. Wouldn’t you like to stay longer? We need you.” Her young voice felt foreign to her in Impa’s presence and she experienced a sudden nostalgia for when they used to work at the Castle, an entire era ago.

A soft chuckle escaped the feeble woman and she squeezed Zelda’s hand a little.

“You are all quite well equipped. I’ll not be having you point that thing at me.”

Zelda leaned in, “Impa, please don’t say that. Purah knows how it works now. You could just have half again, even a quarter. I can’t lose you.” Zelda’s breath became shallow and she started to feel frantic. If Impa was gone, it was one more piece of her life ripped away without her control.

“I’m tired, dear. You have to let me go.” Impa smiled and her tattoo started to glow faintly.

Zelda looked to Purah, who appeared confused, and then to Paya, who was suppressing a panic. She knew what it was and white-knuckled her hands against her chest as tears started streaming down her cheeks.

“Paya? What’s happening?” Zelda asked fearfully.

“Gram- Gramma, no. I’m not ready,” her voice broke and she held Impa’s head gently, leaning over to touch their foreheads together.

The blue became stronger between them and Impa whispered, “You are, my child. You are...”

Zelda felt Impa’s hand go slack. “No, Impa. Impa! We can save you, please!”

The clatter of the slate felt like it could be heard across the village when Purah dropped it and lunged for her sister. Impa’s body became a blue energy that broke across the room as Purah cried, “Impa!”

Link stared in awe at a scene he was all too familiar with. A Sheikah, having fulfilled their duty to Hylia, finally being able to return to an essence.

Zelda started shrieking and he rushed to her, holding her tight and letting her sob into his chest. When the light faded, Zelda’s golden radiance remained, but it offered no warmth.

Outside, Dorian heard the screams and held his position stoically as he stared across the village she loved; the village she had welcomed him into, despite his past and his betrayal. A few tears escaped his rugged features. She was one of the greatest souls he ever knew.

The day after next, residents gathered at the graveyard and a fresh stone was added. It looked out of place next to the other well worn and moss covered ones. Impa’s had the Eye of the Sheikah carved in its face. Zelda stared at it for an age and at the same time, felt like she was staring at nothing at all.

After another two days of cultural observations and preparations, Paya was ready to be presented as the new spiritual leader of Kakariko. Zelda blessed her before the statue of Hylia and then kept to herself during the following festivities. She retired early and bade Link to follow.

Once back in the house, she said to him, “I need to leave.”

He nodded in understanding. “Ok. We’ll leave.”

“Tomorrow.”

“What should we tell everyone?”

“That I’m going on a pilgrimage.”

~~~

A few days later they made it to Gerudo Town. Riju couldn’t hide her pleasure from the surprise visit, but the mood quickly turned somber when she found out why. The Chieftain offered Zelda a place in her chambers and silenced Buliara’s protest. She would not have a dear friend grieving away in a hotel, protocol be damned.

As much as she tended to defy her right hand’s strict adherence to the rules, she did appreciate that Buliara was always there to remind her of what was done, and what was not done. That way, she knew when she was making an informed decision to do whatever she pleased.

Zelda accepted her offer and hid in Riju’s chambers for days, cuddling the sand seals and moping. When Riju finished her duties, which were more often pushed aside than not so she could try to offer comfort, Zelda remained flighty about discussing her pain.

Link came by occasionally to check on her but Zelda would have him turned away. It was a hard thing to do because she knew she was hurting him, but she needed to get him used to being without her. Since the moment Impa died, she knew what she wanted. And that was to leave. She needed to leave the past that was weighing in her heart like a black hole, devouring all of her present and future into its guilt ridden depths. Hyrule held nothing for her but regret.

Just as she had been doing every evening, Riju asked Zelda if she wanted to come down and join her for dinner. Until now, she’d been politely refused, but tonight, she was pleased to hear something different.

“Could we take dinner here, in your chambers?” Zelda asked from her lounging position on the sofa. She had a Gerudo text in front of her, mildly interested in learning the modern colloquialisms that had developed since she spoke the language with her mother and Urbosa.

“Well... of course, I see no reason why not.” Riju held one arm in the other and tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Is there something you wish to discuss?”

Zelda gave an expression somewhere between conviction and a half smile as she appeared to work up the courage. “Yes.”

“Say no more.”

They conversed well into the night and found a familiarity that was comforting when Riju said, “You know you’re welcome to call me Makeela.” She became nervous when that caused Zelda to fall silent.

Finally she spoke, and Riju’s stomach felt weightless at hearing her name on Zelda’s lips.

“Makeela, I have been wanting to ask if you’d be willing to help me with a serious undertaking.” She placed her fork on her plate and dabbed at her mouth with the napkin, having only finished a third of her meal.

“I would help you in all endeavors. My resources are yours to command.” Riju took a sip of her wine and played with her braid.

“I wish... no.” Zelda looked at her feet because she did not want to see the hurt she knew this would cause her dear friend. “I need to leave Hyrule.”

Riju’s butterflies plummeted and she tried to keep her composure. “For- for how long?”

“I don’t know. Maybe a few years. Maybe forever.” She worried at the fabric of her sirwal but kept her resolve.

“I- well- a trip like that takes weeks to prepare. It is not the usual season that we cross the desert.” Riju stood, placing her unfinished glass on the table and left for the doorway. “I’ll have to see if we can spare the resources.” She frowned, unable to hold in her disappointment any longer. “I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

After Riju left, Zelda exhaled a low sigh and slumped in her chair. She downed the rest of her and Riju’s wine and crashed, unaware of the Chief’s return later that night.

Riju was also already up and gone the next morning. In her place was Link, glaring at her from the sofa. Zelda imagined he was trying to be intimidating but with a large stuffed seal sitting next to him she could only laugh.

His face faltered to one of pleasant surprise as he hadn’t heard her laugh in so long, but he regained his resolve and began his interrogation. “When were you planning on telling me your designs for crossing the borders?”

She wasn’t immediately forthcoming.

“Zelda, I swore an oath and by Hylia I will keep it, but... I have things- and people that I would need to see before going on a pilgrimage like this. I’d appreciate being part of such a big decision.”

Zelda’s humor had faded and she braced herself under his perfectly justified onslaught. “Well, you’re not.”

“I beg your pardon?” he stood up and crossed the room, taking on an imposing figure; quite a feat considering what he was wearing. He loomed over the edge of her trundle bed against the sandstone wall of Riju’s luxurious chambers.

She looked up at him challengingly, “You aren’t coming.”

“What does that even mean?” he spluttered.

She rose to meet his face and squared her jaw. “It means you are staying here so you can deal with the people and things you need to.”

He was about to protest having his words thrown back at him but she continued, throwing a finger in his face, “No, you should start living your own life. All I have ever done is take from you.”

His features softened to concern, “Zelda, that’s not true.”

She walked past him to the alcove of the terrace and looked out at the morning bustle. “It is, you just don’t remember. You fulfilled your destiny Link. You should be free of me.”

“I would never abandon you.”

She heaved a great sigh and closed her eyes. “Just... just promise me you’ll at least think about it?”

He hovered for a moment before acquiescing. “Fine.” He then swept down the stairs in a mood.

She imagined he would go and brood. Probably going to climb one of his mountains. “I’m sorry, Link.”

~~~

Riju had become somewhat distant since their evening meal but she assured Zelda that preparations for the caravan were underway and expected to be completed the following week. Initially, the lead Gerudo desert scout was not keen on leaving during an off season, but once she found out that Hylia’s Blessed would be with them, she agreed. As per tradition, there was a festival of worship held before a large trade journey to entreat the Goddess of the Sands and the Seven Heroine ancestors to bless their travels across the barrens.

As the sun set, the decorative lanterns strewn about the main square started glowing different colors and swaths of shimmering, patterned fabrics hung from the stalls and palm trees. Drums began to play as the party who had set out the previous day to provide offerings to the Seven Heroine monoliths returned to take part in the festivities. Once they had completed a prayer they were given the first servings of food and drink. Travelers who were fortunate to be within the town at the time were enthralled when the announcement was made in Gerudo, “You may begin!”

Zelda leaned against a palm tree, absentmindedly tracing the pattern on some of the draped fabrics when she noticed that dancing had begun. She was suddenly reminded of when she was little, watching beautiful women in vibrant colors, hips undulating and slitted skirts swirling hypnotically. Her mother had danced this way with Urbosa and she’d drawn Zelda in, twirling her between them. She was filled with an intense warmth and an incredible sadness all at once and almost left to return to her quarters when she saw Riju.

She was in the middle of the dancers, hair wild and free, draped in a teal sirwal to match her lips. She found Zelda staring and smiled dazzlingly. Riju kept her gaze steady on Zelda for the rest of the dance, only when she turned away would it be broken and then their eyes would lock once more.

Once it was finished, a new drum beat started and the denizens joined in, knowing it was now open to everyone. An overly confident Goron even jumped in, wiggling joyously and taking extra care to not knock anyone over.

Riju bounced over, breathless and elated.

Zelda smiled, “Makeela, that was amazing, I didn’t know you could dance.”

“An offering to the Goddess of the Sands. Anyone can join in now. Come join with me,” she held out her hand, bracelets jingling melodically.

Zelda hesitated for a moment, remembering the joy she felt dancing so, so long ago. She then placed her hand in Riju’s and allowed herself to be transported. If only for tonight.

The beat was energetic and the movements were such that they were mostly apart, Zelda trying humorously to get her hips swinging the same way; but when they came together, the warmth of Riju’s hand would cause a shiver of excitement to run all the way to her toes and she was thankful that her blush was hidden by the exertion.

Teal and white swirled through the crowds, long red and golden tresses whipped as they spun. They were constantly laughing, apologizing to those they bumped into because they only saw each other. For a few moments, Zelda felt happy.

The next couple of days passed by in a bit of a haze. Zelda had finally emerged from Riju’s chambers and explored Gerudo Town one last time before her trip. Her heart was heavy, now burdened with the prospect of yet even another loss, but her resolve remained.

She partook in various activities to try and distract herself from the waiting, and even indulged at the Oasis. She melted away during the treatment but the moment she was back outside shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand, she saw a familiar Hylian vai waiting for her. The weight in her stomach returned and she stole herself for what was to come.

She approached him, indicating that she was ready to have it out.

“I have done as you asked,” he said flatly.

“And?”

“I’ve decided to come with you.”

She closed her eyes and inhaled through her nose before looking at him. “Let’s talk about this somewhere else.”

As they moved away, a stall holder scrunched her nose in disappointment.

When they reached a secluded space between some sandstone walls and storage crates she surprised him by outright apologizing. “Link, I’m sorry. The way I spoke to you before... made it sound like you had a choice.”

Confusion and anger crossed his features and she continued before he could speak, “I’m going and you will build your own life here like you always should have been allowed to do. I’m ordering you to.”

“But- my oath. I must keep you safe-”

“You can’t even remember taking your oath,” she spat impatiently. It was cruel. But he needed to be convinced. “If you wish to be beholden to oaths, then I, Princess Zelda of Hyrule, hereby release you of your duty and order you to live your own life.”

“You are my only life,” he said softly. “Zel, you’re all I’ve known since I woke up.”

She was caught off guard and speechless for a few moments, then reached out to his shoulders and pulled his forehead against hers, closing her eyes. “I’m so sorry. Hylia always takes everything from her Hero.”

He wrapped his arms around her and they shared an embrace of kinship only known to the souls of the past who also bore the pieces of courage and wisdom. When she pulled away, her brows furrowed in pain. “If you won’t be parted from me for your own sake then I need you to do it for mine.”

“What do you mean?”

She sat on one of the crates, the rejuvenating energy she regained at the Oasis already drained, swallowed up by her distress. “I don’t think I can heal here. Everything reminds me of my failure and the losses I have sustained. With Impa gone, I just... I can’t anymore. I need to be free of this place and everyone in it. Including you.”

He knelt before her and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “At least take them with you, just in case,” he entreated.

She opened it tentatively and faltered, shaking her head. It was the photo of the two of them with the Champions. He’d kept it with him all this time.

“No,” she refused kindly, placing one hand on her heart and holding it back out for him. “I have them here. You need this more than me.”

On top of everything else she regretted, Link had never regained his memories. She had occasionally tried telling him stories of their lives, but it always became too painful and eventually he stopped asking.

He nodded and returned it to its place in a pocket against his breast. He then drew the Master Sword from his back and held it horizontally before him. They regarded each other sadly and she tilted her head forwards to acknowledge his ceremony.

“I, Link, Knight of Hyrule, renounce my sworn duty to the Crown Princess... at the behest of my dear friend, Zelda.”

She smiled through a chin wobble and nodded her thanks, unable to form words.

He stood and sheathed the blade, a fleeting thought crossing his mind that the next leg of this pilgrimage would be returning it to its resting place in the Korok Forest. He drew her up into hug and stroked her hair. “I’ll miss you.”

A tear dropped onto his shoulder and she let go to hold his face, realizing it may be the last time she looks upon it. She kissed him. “Thank you. For taking care of me.”

He nodded once and then slipped away as her hands fell back to her sides, scrunching her sirwal.

~~~

Zelda returned to Riju’s room and stood numbly for a few moments. She didn’t know what to do with herself and listlessly looked around. She nearly decided on diving into the stuffed seals but then spied the inviting pool close to the foot of her bed. She would wash. Just wash the whole day away.

She perused the shelf of bathing accoutrements as she tied up her hair and picked a few promising items. She dropped two large rubies in to heat the water and an aromafizz that smelled of lemongrass. When the bath was bubbling away, she shed her clothes, folded them neatly on her bed and stepped in, sighing with pleasure. She settled her head on a folded towel at the edge and tried to think of nothing while playing with the ruby under the water. The bubbles had come up a lovely pale yellow and she balanced some on her knees, making little wobbly peaks.

Not long after, Riju came in and exclaimed, “Oh, what a perfect idea. Mind if I join you?” She was already taking off her headdress before waiting for an answer and when Zelda managed to squeak a yes, she started leaving a trail of shoes, top and skirt all the way to the water.

Zelda knew that public bathing was common place for Gerudo but she still politely averted her eyes until Riju was under the bubbles and situating her large braid behind her neck to act as her pillow. Once she was finally settled she let out a big sigh. “Yes, this is just what I needed.”

They relaxed in a companionable silence for quite some time, before Zelda oddly felt compelled to talk about what had happened. She opened her eyes and looked over at Riju. “I sent Link away today.”

“What?” Riju jerked her head up so quickly that her braid fell into the water.

“Sorry,” Zelda exclaimed but Riju waved away her concern.

“Why did you send him away?”

“He should be living his own life, not tethered to me anymore.”

“But who will look out for you when you cross the desert? I mean, on occasion a Gerudo will stay, but usually just for one rotation-” she suddenly looked hopeful. “Does this mean you are not going?”

Zelda stared into Riju’s eager eyes and her resolve faltered. “I- I’m not sure.” The sudden and seemingly permanent departure of someone who had been by her side for seven years made her long for closeness. And Riju clearly cared for her. Did she also, in return?

She started to play with Riju’s braid under the water, removing the tie and unwinding the tresses. Riju closed her eyes in pleasure, feeling the gentle tugs like a scalp massage. She leaned forward and with a wet, soapy hand, tamed one of Zelda’s fly aways before letting her nails glide down her cheek onto her neck. Zelda shivered under her ghostly touch and her lips parted as she gazed at Riju through half-lidded eyes.

“Makeela,” she said softly.

Riju drew the small woman into her chest and kissed her tenderly, as much a comforting gesture as it was an exploration. Zelda yielded to her and caressed her shoulders and neck, deepening their connection. Her hands started to glow golden and Riju gave a start at the sensation, pulling back in surprise. “What is that?”

“I- I honestly don’t know. My power- but it has never done this before.”

Riju raised a curious eyebrow. “Have you ever done this before?”

Zelda spluttered and Riju laughed playfully. “Come here, I’ll give you something to glow about.” She winked.

They were in each other’s arms every available moment Riju had over the next two days. Things felt easy between them. So easy, that assumptions were made. And conversations that perhaps should have been started, never were.

Until the morning of the trade caravan.

Zelda untangled herself from Riju’s limbs and slipped out of bed to start packing. She had already planned what minimal items to take. Just the essentials that she would need for the road and plenty of money to be able to get herself started on the other side. She kept sparing guilty glances over at her lover’s sleeping form. She should never have allowed herself to indulge. Her moment of weakness was going to break this woman’s heart.

She sighed and went to collect some breakfast. When she returned and set her things down on the table she saw Riju was sitting up in bed, staring at her bag. Her brows were furrowed and without looking at Zelda,  stated, “You’re packing.”

Zelda stood still awkwardly before answering, “Yes.”

“But we- Zelda, we’re together now. I thought...” She trailed off, the growing pain evident in her voice.

“Come and have breakfast.”

Riju threw the covers off and approached angrily. “Nothing’s going in that won’t come straight back out. Explain!”

“Makeela, I told you that I need to leave-”

“That was before any of- of-,” she gestured between them, “this!”

Zelda reached for Riju’s hand, not knowing how to reconcile her new feelings with her truth. She knew she still needed to leave. “Why not come with me?” she suggested foolishly, knowing that it was impossible, but holding a faint hope that somehow, Riju would say yes.

Riju let her anger flare, unable to understand the selfishness. “Unlike you, I can’t just leave my people,” she spat, pulling her hand away.

Zelda appeared as if she’d been slapped and Riju immediately regretted lashing out.

“Keela,” Zelda said softly, lip trembling, “all my people are dead. I can’t... I can’t escape my past.” Her eyes began to sting with tears. “All those years, in that thing,” she heaved, suddenly looking frightened. “I don’t know who I am anymore.” The dam burst and she shuddered.

Riju enveloped her into a tight embrace from which Zelda derived no comfort, lost again in the darkness of a hundred years. Her tears fell golden and a light grew over them both, Hylia trying to heal her broken heart.

“Everyone is gone. My family, my friends. Purah is different, and Robbie is also not long for this world. And Impa, she wouldn’t stay. I begged her! I’ve lost Impa,” she wailed.

Riju was horrified that something she said caused such a visceral reaction. She lifted Zelda’s face to her own and wiped her tears, staring frantically into her eyes, “I’m sorry, Zelda, I’m so sorry. You have me.” She kissed her and a tear rolled down her cheek, emotions now taking them both. She pulled away to search Zelda’s deadened gaze. “I love you.”

Riju leaned in again, softer this time, and she felt a slight pressure of return just before Zelda put her hands over hers and lowered them from her face, ending the kiss.

“I... I wish I could say it back.”

Riju’s heart plummeted and it showed, though she tried to hide it.

Zelda squeezed her hands. “It’s not that I wouldn’t. I just... I can’t love anyone else until I learn to forgive myself. I have felt nothing but pain and regret since my escape, no matter what I try. Please-”

“It’s ok, I understand. Just promise me you’ll be safe.”

“Hylia is with me. And now you will be, too.”

~~~

For @aviatordame

[icefrozendeadlyqueen]

My Neighbor is a Lochbrok: Prologue

No Summary. This has been stuck in my head for so long. I had to write it.

Pairing: (y/n) x Ubbe, (y/n) x Sigurd, Adia x Bjorn, Ashla x Hvitserk, Ivar x unknown.

Word count: I have no idea

Also: This is my first time writing Hvitserk. Please let me know how is he?? This is the longest reader insert I have done. Chapter 1 will come after I recover. I think this is awesome, but I am bias. 

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"(y/n)! Please! Open this door". 

A December night welcome you back into the land of the living one thing you really didn't need today waking up. You had enough with the lack of sleep for the past week to worry about getting your lazy ass out of bed. Suddenly the noises stop all at once giving you enough silence to welcome the sweet embrace call sleep. Does slumber has an aroma? A peaceful feeling that rings familiarity and numbness into your subconscious. It was a nice thought the soft sheets on top of your body pushing you back into sleep while the air conditioner is at the right temperature pumping that desirable amount of cold air needed for (y/n) to achieve sleeping state. Heart rate slows down like the gentle state you get when your fur is laid against a meadow. A violent pound awoke you from your slumber with no upcoming warning (y/n) lips part trying to speak words that never reach the outside of your lips. (y/n) pushes some hair out of her face trying to wake herself up, "I am awake! I am aw-", (y/n) crashes back into the bed pushing the sheets and blankets back onto her body, she forgets the reason she was woken up, it barely slips her mind too soon a thud disturbs your sleeping state once more. (y/n)'s eyes open turning a yellows color a look only taken when the werewolf in question is too close to shifting. A growl escapes your lips pushing the sheets of off you a loud scream escapes your lips; however, the pounds only grows now with your frustration.

"Stop your bickering dammit! I was fucking sleeping!", (y/n) seats on the bed breath in and shouting at the top of your lungs with everything you had in store. You aren't one to shout at anyone without a good reason. Sleep is reason enough. A week have you been deprived of sleep because of some Alpha duty you had to attend too. (y/n) roars once more possibly trembling the whole apartment and announcing to the whole 500 radius that some poor soul have upset the Alpha. (y/n) grabs shorts from the floor putting them on with some t-shirt that was surely stolen from her roommates room. Your hands shake incapable of holding onto your frustration despite you trying not to shred your favorite pajamas. Pajamas made only for you birthday present from your (f/c/s). (y/n) smiles at the good pros of being an Alpha taking such an assignment from your lazy sister. You stump across the apartment ignoring your roommate chugging a bucket of ice cream, "It's Chad". She whispers stopping you dead set before you even reach for the door handle. (y/n) takes a 360 turn looking straight at her friend, "Why is he knocking so loud? Doesn't he knows who I am?", (y/n) places both trembling hands together cracking a joint for good measure anything to help you not to pound the son's beta to death.

"You completely erase last night?", She asks giving you a once over. (y/n) ponders on her friends question before saying anything. A couple of images in Calamity last night rushes in your consciousness. Chad's arms around your shoulder the whole pack having a blast at your sisters bar that's many of the shops or stores we have around New York City to sustain the pack, his sucking attempt to be sexy, some words you cant register then you punching him to an inch of his life... what the? Why did I punch him?

"Guess I did. I haven't had a proper sleep in a while cut me some slack", (y/n) claims taking a turn to the kitchen ignoring the laughter of her friend. You forgot important events of last night it seems there is nothing coffee can't fix. (y/n) walks the short steps to the instant coffee cabinet taking (f/o) out walking to the machine with a suspicious glare towards her friend that hasn't responded yet, "I am waiting. I would love to see a half sleep Alpha beat the fuck out of her ex". She an omega laughs louder than the pounds on your apartment door. 

"My Ex? Who Jeffrey? Last time a check isn't he in Denmark now?". (y/n) turns the coffee machine on after water and the coffee was in their respective places. 

"Chad. You ended your relationship with him after he made the worst mistake in history", She starts off pushing the ice cream to the side. (y/n) leans back on the counter next to her coffee machine staring directly at the ball of sunshine that's your friend. She wore rainbow pajamas that read on big letters "Chilling is my middle name".

"Which is?", (y/n) respond curiously to know what happen last night.

"You know how you hate your sister to the death? You know how if you had to pick between me or her. You'll choose me right?". (y/n) nods not sure where this is going from all things possible. Your friend smiles a smile that let you to raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah, so? Everyone knows I hate her". (y/n) sighs heavily calming down heavily at the soothing scent of just brew coffee. (y/n) leans off the counter walking short steps to the cup cabinets above your friends head, "But only 3 people can talk about it... maybe 4 if we include the none conventional boyfriend your sister has. That they arent together... but whatever helps her sleep at night", Your friend chuckle gaining you to stop midway to the coffee machine, "That's her phrase. If she hears you, you'll regret it".

"She did double shift at Calamity. Hvitzzy came back and guess who didn't want to come home to sleep??". (y/n) rolls her eyes at her roommate side tracking from one conversation to the next. It was obvious she loved to guess the type of modern relationship my sister has with Calamity's bartender, "Huh? The new pack members finish training?". (y/n) asks as roommate nods with a smile on her lips. She rushes out of her seat so quick (y/n) almost spills her coffee. At first, you thought she needed to hit the toilet, but she return with a book notes address to you from Hvitserk, "Luke brought you this.. It's from Hvitserk. He wasn't able to give it to you with the whole thing. He explains in detail of each member... he was very detail. Luke compelled me so I didn't open it, so please take it". Your roommate pushes the notebook on the kitchen counter staring directly at it then glancing back at you with eyes that explain everything. (y/n) sips her coffee shutting half of her sleep goodbye.

"What the fuck happen last night, Adia?!". 

"Chad insulted Ashla in the busiest night Calamity has seen so far. He said and I quote, "It seems nature skip your sister from the bottom of my heart I feel for anyone that thinks she could ever become a proper Alpha" I don't know if it was the couple of drinks you have had or lack of proper sleep. You swing an uppercut so quick it surprise everyone at the table. I was shock Hvitserk wasn't amuse. Your sister came into the bar and walk out saying something about she isn't going to jail today. It took an hour to pull you from Chad just because 40 minutes of that we were all just stun. You shouted to him, "Only I am allowed to insult her! Yeah she is a fucking bitch, but that doesnt give you the right. She is my flesh and blood". I mean yeah Chad had said stuff about Ashla to her face and behind her back countless off time much worse than that you just never were around to hear it". Adia retells the last night events as the picture of last night clouds your memory.

Flashback.

It was 2 minutes to 11 o'clock. New York City night life has just started with the many human and wolfs alike pouring into Calamity. Midnight was around the corner and a couple to many drinks in your system. Chad holds your shoulder to keep you steady as everyone comes by paying their respect to the Alpha then walks to the bar to welcome back Hvitserk for the excellent work at training new recruits. Old faces come and go with rarely new ones the whole pack was here living their best life, "Another drink for our Alpha!", Chad claims gaining a crowd to raised their glasses cheering happily. (y/n) chuckles uncontrollably at the slight thought this is an amazing night. You kiss Chad on the cheek with him returning your affection, "I have to go say my words to Hvitserk. I'll be right back". (y/n) moves back with beer in hand walking to the bar hearing a soft, "I'll be here", from Chad's lips. Hvitserk laughs at some joke Luke spoke near the bar. (y/n) walks slow steps stopping right in front of the infamous Alpha, "Welcome back, Alpha", (y/n) words brings Hvitserk's eyes staring directly at your (e/c). It was a short sense of acknowledgement as his eyes drift to the door. His green eyes keep contact with those that (y/n) knows is her by the strawberries and cigarette strong scent, Ashla.

"You are staring Hvitserk", Luke calls out making you laugh almost choking on the beer you were trying to drink.

"Luke leave the lover boy over here. He can stare all he wants, but Ashla is not the woman I would recommend, Hvitty", (y/n) inch closer to him whispering words laughing soon after at his stare from Luke green eyes to your (e/c).

"I am not staring". Hvitserk claims keeping his eyesight on the drink he has been working for Luke.

"Right... and Ashla is a proper lady", Adia whispers just to sweeten the deal (y/n) burst out laughing replying back, "This shouldn't be funny".

"Ashla said we could add a moderate amount of Wolfsbane". Hvitserk inches closer to my ears whispering seductively the words that make me fear life as it is. He pulls back cracking a laugh at my fearful utter expression, "You didn't just do that?". (y/n) asks just as Hvitserk avoids a sharp glass thrown at him from across the room. Luke, Adia & (y/n) turn around to stare far across the other side of the bar a black hair woman with glaring black eyes looking back at us, "Well, Ashla is pissed. She didn't told you to use Wolfsbane, did she?".

"I did to us werewolves not to the humans". Ashla soft whisper reach all the corner of our minds. (y/n) shivers turning around shaking the feeling that Ashla might just be behind you.

"I'll prepare whiskey on the rocks if you come here". Hvitserk whispers to my sister. We stare seeing Ashla taking another cigarette out placing both her lips around it. She looks up with a glare directly at Hvitserk, "My attention cost food".

"I was waiting for you to say that", Hvitserk responds with a cheeky grin adorning his lips. (y/n) looks back at Hvitserk bringing some plastic bags from under the bar counters. You look as Adia shiver pointing to the other side of the bar (y/n) looks towards it seeing Ashla joining group, "Congrats, Hvitserk. You have master Ashla". Luke says sadly right after Ashla proceeds to punch his gut with her elbow. She sat back down eating her food and alcohol in silent, "Has everyone said their welcome backs?".

"Hmm.. Let me see". Hvitserk reach back to put his hair up again. It was cute the state everyone was in Hvitserk was back, Ashla wasn't so moody well less moody than usual, Adia was as always a ball of sunshine, Luke new house is the floor. (y/n) stares at Luke seeing Ashla feet on his head, "There is only one person that hasnt said it to me". Hvitserk blurts out with Luke screams of pain when Ashla stands from her seating position. You glance at the little exchange not going to help Luke because Ashla's wrath cant be escape. Ashla takes a hold of Hvitserk's collar bringing him to her level, "Hmm. I told you first... remember that". Ashla proclaims almost growling. Adia and (y/n) wait patiently for the kiss that never seem to happen. Ashla hates a crowd she lets go off his collar not before Hvitserk place a hand behind her head bringing Ashla closer to finish what she started. It was sudden but sweet in a way (y/n) saw Ashla's brows relax and her face calm down just from one action. Hvitserk pulls back pecking her lips again, "You can't tease me like that".

"Who said I was teasing?". Ashla blurts out sharing another kiss with him. Adia throws them some fries to stop their make out session, "Wait till everyone leaves! I don't need to know where you two fuck".

"The bar in the other side that we don't use", Hvitserk respond letting go off Ashla satisfied to get what he wanted.

End of Flashback   

"I didn't need to know that", (Y/n) calls out shaking your head shivering at the sweet exchange. Adia glances at your surprise, "so he is pounding our door for that?".

"Maybe....". Adia takes a step from her chair trying to escape your questioning.

"We are not done. What else happen?", (y/n) firmly speaks not a minute later Adia returns with a spoon in hand eating her ice cream. 

"Chad kiss Jessica and went home with her. Ashla kick them out of the bar saying something on the lines off disowning them from the pack. Chad said Ashla can't do that, but she glare at him.. you know with her red eyes... it was a tense time. You follow up disowning Jessica too". Adia fills in the empty blanks that lead to the Beta's son being a total douch-bag, "He probably thinks he can talk to you knowing you forget sometimes", Adia adds gaining you glare back at the door.

"We both are Alpha... even though she says she can switch to a beta", (y/n) shakes her head at the current stupidity of her sister. 

"He is still outside. Ashla said to call her, and she'll rough him up a bit. Hvitserk suggested to call him. He offer to make it quick whatever that means", Adia blurts out locking eyes with you once more.

"He means to kill Chad. Did somebody told him what Chad has said?". (y/n) asks with Adia thinking about her response.

"I believe he knew. He just didn't knew it was about Ashla. I have never seen him so angry before". Adia shivers pointing to the door. You shrug the uneasy sensation placing the empty coffee cup in the sink with Adia putting Calamity's number on the homephone. (y/n) takes steps out the kitchen and towards the first headache of this morning. You didn't want to deal with the douch-bag that's your former boyfriend Chad Tim, Beta son to Jimmy Tim a good man despite his shitty son. (y/n) brings the door open seeing red headed Chad growling at your form. (y/n) stretched not even bother to feel threaten by Chad small attempt, "Why the hell are you here? Didn't Ashla disowned you? You don't belong or get help by the pack leave to your whores house already". (y/n) holds onto the door handle pushing the door back to closing hoping that's the end of that. You walk back into your apartment unaware that Chad stop the door from closing, "Don't you walk away from me!! Ashla is not my Alpha. You are". Chad growls an spits at you screaming louder than you thought possible. He runs towards (y/n).

"(Y/N)! Oh my god! Chad has gone mad!", Adia calls out to you screaming at the phone to someone that replied, "I am on my way". 

(y/n) turns left slowly watching Chad punch air. You felt like a feather feeling your Alpha senses flagging red when danger is about. (y/n) reach for his wrist pressing enough strength to catch a reaction. You bring one of your legs to his stomach hoping it had broken a bone or 3. A crack not sure if was yours or his as his other punch make contact with your cheeks. Adia scream wanting to help, but Chad looks at her growling to keep her quiet. Adia stops dead on track whimpering. (y/n) punches his gut one more time. You breath in air screaming when you pick Chad up throwing him outside your apartment. The pack members walk out of their apartments staring at gone mad Chad and their beaten Alpha, "I'll make you suffer for that Chad. You will plead for mercy that I'll never provide, you lowlife sack of shit. Come at me you little bitch. Are you going to fight me for your spot in the pack because last time I check Ashla disowned you. This is a pack of Alpha sisters. She did right at fucking kicking you ungrateful little shit!", (y/n) calls to him eyes turning a vivid color him growling at every word you said. Hearts beating and Adria thought just forgotten as you run to Chad with a goal in mind.

Make sure he regrets the day he was born.

[ohmygillygoshoppler]

I have no idea what this is, I just had a random idea and decided to put words to it. It’s been a while since I wrote anything that was Darksiders related, and the Office au has been hitting me hard lately. Oh well, here it is. Please don’t kill me...

Karma skipped up the enormous calamity of stairs leading into the Celestial Towers building, and boy was is swanky up here! There was even a huge, fancy marble fountain outside of the establishment! None of the Horsemen's buildings had a fountain outside! That was bogus! Karma wanted to call her Dad immediately and give him a piece of her mind.

But now wasn't the time for that; she knew her father was very busy today working with Death, and War was not the man to disturb while he was busy. Karma thought it'd be in her best interest to wait until it's almost time for him to come home. Karma quickly glanced at her watch: it was almost eight. She reflected on her task as she hopped up the final few stairs and entered the lobby.

There were a few angels walking around in finely pressed white suits, with preened and perfectly groomed wings and such. There were, also, a few constructs roaming about, like the automaton that was seated at the receptionist's desk. Holy crow, this place even had robots! And she didn't build them?! Oh hell, no...

The little trickster strode right on up to the desk and rang the little silver bell on the edge. She gave it a few good taps, squinting contemptibly up at the robot. The thin white robot greeted her with the blinking of hollow white eyes. The way it was looking at her was creepy, almost frightening. Angels didn't know how to make machines that looked friendly.

"Good Morning, Proxie." The automaton said in a musical voice. "How may I assist you?"

"Is Azreal in? I'd like to speak with him for a moment before he heads off to work. I have something for him.” Karma cooed. She blew her platinum locks out of her eyes and smiled, as nice as smile as she could muster for this creepy thing...

"You are welcome to go and see, but you must be quick. You have fifteen minutes."

"Thank you!" The little half nephilim chirped, and she went on down the hallway. All the walls were washed in white, and the lights were even more so. At the end of the hall, there was a great big window, and one could see the beautiful grounds outside. She imagined it must be wonderful to see it all from the top floor! She bet the angels could probably see the whole city from up there!

Karma approached the door the Azreal's office and stepped into the room. It was a large room with white tiles, white walls, white everything with another set of pretty bay windows. Machines are strewn about all over, but none were operating. Many data reels and punch cards were strewn about on the floor, colorful papers cluttered the desk, there were notes on the walls, but they've been there for a long time and have been smudged by oil. The only thing on was a record player on top of a far end table with a lonely chair which is overturned. It seems the scholar must be long gone. And there was a struggle of some sort? She dismissed that thought as quickly as it had appeared. Azreal probably made a huge mess looking for something.

She looked around for a computer. Nothing. She then took out her phone and took a quick picture of Azreal's calendar. She went through his drawer, took a few paperclips, (cause you can never have too many paperclips!) and turned the pretty blue chair back upright. As she was about to leave she happened to spot a purple flash from one of the fallen metal shelves. Bending over to retrieve it, she discovered it was a gem; a dark purple gem in the shape of a heart. She liked it, and decided to keep it as she exited the abandoned office. Just in case. Maybe Azreal and that broken robot of his can give answers. That thin white automaton with the bowler hat and white eyes always gave her the creeps, but it seemed to fit in...somehow.

She returned to the front desk and rang the bell again, this time without the repetition. The lanky automaton blinked it's eerie eyes down at the child, sending chills through the girl as she twiddled her thumbs in front of her. "I don't think Mr. Azreal is in. Could you check again. I wouldn't wish to disturb any of his things."

The android cocked its head toward the hallway. "Not there? Perhaps I should check." As it turned to wheel down the hall, it spun and called to Karma again. "Please do not touch anything. Have a seat and wait."

"You betcha!" She chirped, hopping into the milky chair closest to the front desk. She pretended to play in her backpack as she waited for the surrounding angels to clear the area. She hid her scapegoat, her little friend, Tetris, out of sight. She didn't have to wait much longer, since it was almost eight o'clock and work started for the grown ups soon. All in due time...

Once the lobby was completely empty, Karma skipped over to the receptionist's desk, hopping into the hard chair. She set her backpack on the desk and pulled out a notepad printed with red ink: Karmarea- CIF. She opened the laptop and proceeded to work; All she needed were a few pin numbers, change a few timesets, and tweak a name or two and jotted them all down. There wasn't much she could get from the receptionist, but all she needed was an appointment for a meeting with War within the next three days. Preferably Wednesday.

All she needed to get inside.

Thankfully, she got everything she needed before that creepy robot came back. She closed all windows and put everything back how it was. She couldn't make it to her seat fast enough, however.

"What are you doing over here, little Proxie?" The void voice asked from behind Ivory sheet metal.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Karma fibbed as she fumbled through her backpack, putting the notes and pen away and pulling out a tiny white mouse. She held the mouse up for the robot to see. "Tetris just got out and went under your desk. I got him, though."

The white automaton straightened up even more, if that was even at all possible. "I'm sorry, but no animals are allowed in this building. You'll have to take that creature outside."

Mockingly, Karma blinked. "Really? Aw, geez. Welp, I guess I'll be on my way. Could you please tell Azreal I came by for him today?"

The robot waved her off with spindly arms. "Of course, Proxie. Farewell for now."

And so Karma and Tetris got away scott free. The young trickster grinned at how easily she had gotten that done, and she still had time to walk back to War's office and grab a bite from Reeth's. It was funny how these things tended to work out. She thought angelic offices and such would be harder to trick herself into. That was almost archaic! Oh well, Daddy said he needed to get into the angel's building, and so he will. And he has her to think. Karma's eyes lit up with pride at the very thought!

Suddenly, she stopped dead in her tracks and stared at the pavement before her. That was too easy. She felt Tetris squirming in her pocket, where she had put the purple heart. Something was definitely amiss, she wasn't sure what, but something was off. Maybe she would have to tell her father about this sooner than she thought.

It could be nothing, but she decided to call him anyways in case it was.

[ourgreatconcavity]

My One-Act Play

Written for my Playwriting class during my senior year of college, fall semester.

                                                          Have it Your Way

                                               (Lights rise on a  deserted café. MICKEY is sitting at a table alone, taking occasional sips of his coffee. He is dressed in khakis and a  sweater with a dress shirt underneath. His demeanor is calm. LOUIS then enters the café, and sees MICKEY sitting. LOUIS, wearing jeans and a sweater with a hat, rushes over to the table and  takes the chair across from MICKEY.)

                                                                       LOUIS

Hey, Mickey.

                                                                         MICKEY

Morning, Louis.

                                                                         LOUIS

I flew out to see you as fast as I could.

                                                                         MICKEY

I see that.

                                                                       LOUIS

How have you been? Sometimes I still don't believe that Dad is gone.

                                                                         MICKEY

                                                           (A beat.)

I’ve been better. 

                                                                         LOUIS

You should try keeping busy, keeps your mind off things. 

                                                                         MICKEY

Yeah... 

(MICKEY looks immensely uncomfortable, while LOUIS  looks somber, staring into nothingness.)  

                                                                         LOUIS

I haven’t seen you in forever.

                                                                       MICKEY

Yeah, it’s been a while.

                                                                          LOUIS

What have you been up to?

                                                                         MICKEY

                                                           (Agitated.)

I don’t know. Nothing?

                                                                         LOUIS

Come on, you have to be up to something. You can’t be doing nothing for twenty years, and don’t say you’re doing nothing now; I can see your shoulders going up and down; you’re breathing, for one. Blinking, too, for another.

                                                                         MICKEY

I mean, I've been depressed lately, but there isn't much to talk about. It's been hard.

                                                 (There is a real struggle for conversation. MICKEY is constantly touching his face and running his fingers through his hair, anxious.  LOUIS fidgets in his seat and keeps itching the back of his head. MICKEY looks at LOUIS and his outfit, eyeing him up and down.)

                                                                         MICKEY

People are becoming more top-heavy it seems. Large sizes on top, and like, chicken legs or poles on the bottom. It’s like those huts built over water in the east; those skinny poles holding up so much weight, the tide teasing its power and destruction. 

                                                                         LOUIS

Bro, have you looked in the mirror? Better yet, have you looked down? Everything on you is slim-fit when really, you need Slim-Fast.

                                                                         MICKEY

I make it work. I do just enough exercise to fit in these outfits. I have it all worked out measurement wise. Like, if I have a medium fry at McDonald’s, I’ll have to do one hundred and fifty crunches to work out the fat. 

                                                                         LOUIS

I’m guessing you’re the type of guy who only eats the top half of a Big Mac, too. 

                                                                         MICKEY

...You’re not wrong. 

                                                                         LOUIS

Do you eat all the scraps of lettuce that fall out too? 

                                                                         MICKEY

Alright, now you’re going too far. I’m not going to tell you if you’re right or wrong; I’ll leave it ambiguous. Let’s just say I count every little sliver.

                                                                         LOUIS

Lettuce is the most nutritionally devoid vegetable besides celery. It’s like the Styrofoam you get in a package, just fluffs it up but has no singular, meaningful purpose. It's just texture… set decoration. Yet everyone always gets it on their sandwich! You know one time, when I was a kid, I saw a giant head of lettuce in the fridge. I told Mom to make me a sandwich with just lettuce, like literally, white bread and lettuce. I cried after a few bites because I thought my taste buds died. 

                                                                         MICKEY

Well, um… that's good to hear?

                                                                                     (A beat.)

                                                                       LOUIS

So, how's Diane doing with the loss? I know her and Dad were close, conjoined at the hip almost. She blocked my number awhile ago; haven't been able to get in contact.

                                                                         MICKEY

Did you say something?

                                                                         LOUIS

Yeah, about the family.

                                                                         MICKEY

Have you ever tried a Big Mac with tomato? You remember the jingle, right? Imagine the jingle with three extra syllables in the Big Mac melody; it would not fit. You might as well use an actual leaf of lettuce if you’re going to do that. And then if you use a leaf of lettuce, you’ll have to add those syllables into the melody, and then you get like an extra bar of music, and then McDonald's would have to pay the studio musicians more because of that extra bar, and then if they did have that extra bar, then everyone remembers the jingle with that extra bar, and it’s a whole calamity, like an alternate timeline. The question itself of a Big Mac with tomato makes no sense. 

                                                                         LOUIS

Extra, extra, extra. So much extra, you really are. Well, since we're on the topic of extra, what about extra sauce?

                                                                         MICKEY

The sauce is already on there, no need to add that to the jingle. Besides, the ‘correct amount of sauce’ is at the cook's discretion. For the very brief yet painful three months I worked there, each Big Mac I made had a specific number of fluid ounces of Mac Sauce.

                                                                         LOUIS

What's the magic number?

                                                                         MICKEY

Ain't important. You don't need to know.

                                                                         LOUIS

                                               (Feigned frustration.)

Well that's some bullshit. 

                                                                                   (A beat.)

                                                                         LOUIS

I haven't been able to get a hold of Mom yet. I don't know if she has gotten the will yet or --

                                                                       MICKEY

                                                           (Slams fist on the table, screaming.)

Don't change the subject!

                                                                         LOUIS

                                                           (Exasperated.)

Oh, um… I just wanted to know---

                                                                         MICKEY

The bun... give me your opinion on the bun.

                                                                       LOUIS

But what about the famil-

                                                                         MICKEY

                                                           (Slams fist on table.)

No! Now tell me…

                                                           (A beat.) What do you think about the bun…?

                                                                       LOUIS

                                                           (Confused.)

I don't know… I think it's fine?

                                                                       MICKEY

Well, which bun are you talking about? For their 'Artisan Sandwiches' they use different buns than for their Quarter Pounders, and the buns for their Quarter Pounders are different than the buns they use for their Big Macs.

                                                                         LOUIS

                                                           (A beat.)

Big Mac. I think it works well for the sandwich?

                                                                          MICKEY

Well, it’s just a sesame seed bun. Notice the alliteration there: sesame seed. It’s like Mr. McDonald himself named that bun sesame seed so he could have some alliteration in his jingle. A true literary great. Even Joyce wouldn’t have that thought. 

                                                                       LOUIS

I’m sure Joyce would be a Burger King guy; he’s the type to have it his way. Pynchon, too. Faulkner would be Subway, Steinbeck: In-n-Out Burger, or maybe a winery in Silas. 

                                                                         MICKEY

What about Kafka? 

                                                                         LOUIS                                                                        

Hmmm. He’s a burger guy, but I don’t know where in particular. I feel no matter where he goes, the place would close due to an insect infestation. Or it would be a madhouse in there, like the DMV. 

                                                                         MICKEY                                

Who else?

                                                                         LOUIS

Maybe Cormac McCarthy... I could see him ordering a burger here, asking for it prepared like ‘the evening redness in the burger’, and he would probably get mad because the cashier taking his order only reads postmodern literature, and has no idea what Southern Gothic is, like he probably thinks it’s like a category at Party City for Halloween costumes. And when Mr. McCarthy gets his burger, the same as it's cooked for everyone else, McCarthy would complain fiercely in poetic anger, and the employee would tell McCarthy to hit the road, which is ironic because that’s a book by McCarthy, and also a popular phrase, AND also funny because the cashier wouldn’t know he’s making a literary reference to a book he knows nothing about.

                                                                         MICKEY

I think you're talking out of your ass.

                                                                         LOUIS                                                                          

What about a McDonald’s McCarthy Mac’n’Milkshake? 

                                                                         MICKEY        

That’s wrong on two levels.

                                                                         LOUIS            

Care to elaborate?

                                                                         MICKEY

I know for a fact McCarthy would not order a Mac and a shake – it would be a Mac and a Sprite, no ice. Second, McDonald's cannot call their shakes ‘milkshakes’ - they don’t have any actual milk in it. Haven’t you seen the commercials or the posters? No suspicion on why they don’t use MILK in the typical phrase that comes to mind, MILKSHAKE? 

                                                                         LOUIS

I guess you’re right. You’re a whiz when it comes to McDonald’s.

                                                                       MICKEY

They always bitched at me because I ate all the food that fell on the ground. They were really against that, like, reallllllly against it.

                                                                         LOUIS

Yeah, I bet. Listen, have you been in contact with any of the family at all?

                                                                         MICKEY

There was one time I almost bit my manager’s hand off. It was bad. It was the end of the night, and we were closing. We had some extra food, and I had been craving some nuggets, like really intense cravings, pregnancy style, like -- I wanted to mix sauce with sauce and apply it to the meat. Well, my manager takes all the nuggets, and all the sauces, and locks himself in the office, and it wasn’t even his office, it was the actual store managers office, and starts chompin’ away. Some people eat in their offices; well he was masticating heavily and aggressively in that office. I barge in and break the lock, hungry and angry, and I see a nugget in his hand, a golden fried literal nugget of recently introduced one hundred percent all white meat chicken. I go for the bite, and end up getting some arm, seasoned lightly with hair. I can even taste the dried tattoo ink. He’s screaming, and in that second, I knew I was fired. All my hard work gone for one leftover ten piece. 

                                                                         LOUIS

Mickey, we need to talk about--

                                                                         MICKEY

Ask me how it was.

                                                                         LOUIS

                                                           (Sighs loudly.)

 Did it at least taste good? 

                                                                         MICKEY

I’m not a cannibal, the arm was terrible. 

                                                                         LOUIS

No, the nugget. 

                                                                         MICKEY

Oh, it was okay. Could have used more seasoning. It looked good enough, but when I ate it, it was just alright. 

                                                                         LOUIS

What a shame.

                                                                         MICKEY

I didn’t even get any sauce! No honey mustard, no buffalo, no sweet and sour!

                                                                         LOUIS

Did they ever charge you for extra sauce? 

                                                                          MICKEY

No, that was one of the benefits. They let you have two sauces instead of one. It really adds up when you order a twenty piece during your break every shift. Those fifty cents for the sauce came in handy for the bus fare. Now all it’s good for is lottery tickets. I swear I’m winning one of these days. I can feel it!

                                                                                     (A beat.)

                                                                       LOUIS

So, now that you've dodged the bullet long enough, when are we gonna start talking about the burial plans for Dad? Or the will?

                                                                         MICKEY

When you were younger, which Kids Meal toy was your favorite? I always liked the Hot Wheels ones.

                                                                       LOUIS

Stop! We have to talk about the family. Dad left us in a serious hole.

                                                                         MICKEY

I was always pissed when they wouldn't offer me the Mighty Kids meal when we would go in. I mean, they could see that I was pretty grown--

                                                                         LOUIS

Will you shut the fuck up and listen? I'm tired of beating around the bush. This is a serious subject!

                                                                         MICKEY

Well yeah, the toys for the Mighty Kids meals were different than for the regular Kid's Meals--

                                                                         LOUIS

You're in denial.

                                                                         MICKEY

No, I'm not.

                                                                          LOUIS

Don't you care about Dad? Don't you care about anything regarding this family? It's easier for you to talk about McDonald's than about our family?

                                                                         MICKEY

Are you serious right now?

                                                                         LOUIS

Yes, I'm serious! Now, you can either tell me if you've talked to the family, or you can just leave.

  (MICKEY gets up from his chair and pushes it in. LOUIS looks at him in astonishment.)

                                                                       LOUIS

Are you serious? Seriously, Mickey?

 (MICKEY walks off the set, and LOUIS sits at the table, dumbfounded.)

                                                                       LOUIS

Fine, Mickey. Have it your way.

                                                                       Blackout.

[thegeminisage]

zelda blogging which is so deeply super spoilery, possible the most spoilery it’s ever been, so if you haven’t THOROUGHLY explored the central-north part of the map DON’T read it

aww some of these gerudo wear glasses! love it

i like the music here too but i kinda wish it had been the same melody from oot ; ;

omg riju is tiny!!! is she still young?!

aww her relationship with buliara is sweet they obviously care about each other a lot

AAAAAH THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT MY SWORD lmao maybe i should have gone to get it after all

oh my god a sand seal that gives you words of wisdom for food

ooh i get a free accessory for giving this lady some flint...hmMmMMmMMmmm

topaz i guess bc i'll probs need lightning protection soon? but no, i'm getting a helm...

haha sapphire to go with link's eyes?

ruby bc the flame armor is the ugliest and i wanna wear something else? LOL

went with sapphire iin the end MAY I NOT REGRET IT...

ooooh i shoulda been saving my gems....Dang

i mean, at least i have the 10k i need for the great fairy, but there's so much cool stuff here and i can't bUY ANY...

ah no i did get some opal and amber earrings :3

swim speed up and the ithers are just extra defense

"apparently the accessory maker and the teacher of the relationship class were both in a tragic love triangle, and now they are both single" nintendo this is an all women society please give me lesbians i BEG of you

ok, i need 1 ruby and 5 topaz to finish buying one of everything here. i'll remember

hahahahaha "you've gotta take your time when selecting gems and voe" wise words, lady

omg i found a bar but im too young to drink. nice, nintendo

lmao you can tell one of the ladies you're over 100 and she doesn't believe you dxkfjhg

ok so the hideout of the yiga clan is apparently to the northwest of here so i get to RIDE A SAND SEAL or surf behind one i guess. tbh im a little worried i'll break all my shields :/

i got a gerudo one that i really like!! goes with my scimitar and golden bow!

aww can i not wear accessories along with normal armor...? that sucks

LOL SEAL PUNS the options when talking to the sand seal lady are full of em im dying

wow i can't get this shrine unless i wind sand seal races which i can't do with the divine beast out LOL

jesus those sandstorms look so huge and terrifying...especially since i know they'll disable my map

i wanna explore but tbh i better just stick to the plot and away from those bad boys

oh JESUS i went to an outpost where they're monitoring the beast and it's. so big. and so loud and big and. so scary. oh my god, it's huge

oh FUCK i got too close and it started targeting me so i ran away and thankfully it stopped...definitely gonna take it easy on the exploration if i can help it

oooh no no no why is the air turning green out here...dnw dnw leave me and my map alone!!

uh, and where is my fucking seal...? i left it right HERE

ugh i had trouble mounting the one from before when i stayed in the monitoring outpost do they like leave if you stay gone a long time...? fml

awww this old gerudo never found the lovers pond ):

ugh i see so much stuff i wanna check out but im too scared to get off the seal for long :/ ESPECIALLY if i get stuck in a storm i'll want a way out

oh wow the air is so hot here even my gerudo outfit is useless

tbh, maybe that's a good thing, if i'm eating food i can wear armor with actual defense...much as i love these clothes they're great for getting your ass kicked

ok no seriously WHY does everyone from the yiga clan drop bananas..............

i know that everyone talks about how cool it is that this game just plops you down in the world and lets you figure it out for yourself without hitting you over the head with the instructions

but i just found a bow and some torches in a circle of lit torches with some obviously flammable banners nearby, so

i found the missing gerudo soldier!

"all i've ever seen them do is patrol and eat[in red text] bananas" LMAO WHATS THE DEAL MY DUDES

theres some bananas here on a table wtf do i do throw them at them?? lmao

OMFG LOL IT WORKED

dude pranced right over to it and pocketed it lmao

nooo i missed a chest...maybe i can get it on the way back out ;_;

LOL I FOUND AN ENTIRE ROOM FULL OF BANANAS

this is so funny dkjfgh fck

urgh i wish i could just...snipe them from here. it'd be so EASY

im actually not even totally sure which direction to go, im all turned around

ok, one stationary guy at the door maybe i have to move him?

NOOO I FUCKING FELL THEY SAW ME

i couldn't even fight they one-shotted me and mipha's grace didn't kick in! that isn't fair at all

at least i can get the chest i missed

lol and i cant save in here. perfect.

ok yeah im gonna have to look it up bc as far as i can tell this room has no exit all the hallways just circle back around into it

apparently i CAN fight them...? they're just really hard?

this walkthru is so unclear lol there's a hidden door i can find with magnesis on the right-hand wall WHICH RIGHT...

WAIT fuck i finally see the exit

ah ok. wrong room for the hidden door.

master kohga!! he just...knocked himself out with his own attack. lmao ok

fuck this is SO FUNNY he is so funny

i love it even his bones cracked

isn't what he used to be, apparently

wow this is a boring fight he has a lot of hp and he's so far away the only way i can attack is arrows

and now arrows aren't working anymore...? obviously i'm doing something wrong

maybe i can reflect the rocks back at him

ok google says to drop his things on his head

HAHAHA HIS SPECIAL ATTACK FAILED

this undertale naruto motherfucker im crying i love him

"pretty soon you'll be gone! and not just from my line of sight!" i'm CRYING

fuck the ball rolled on top of him and made him fall

"COWARD! I SHALL BE REMEMBERED!!!"

what a fucking legend i'll never forget you master kohga i promise

aaaand thunder helm retrieved

but i gotta rescue that missing gerudo!

ah good her cell is empty!

lol im skipping sooo many shrines rn...i'll come back to them later i swear

oh NOOOO i got a memory!!!

urbosa the prankster!!! witht he power of lightning at her disposal!! protective of princess zelda!! i'm dying!!!

also im sad so zelda's sealing power mjst be what she used to seal ganon away but apparently in the past she couldn't make it show up for her whole life...?

aw no poor riju the helmet is too big on her

(give it to meeeee)

ok it's time for the divine beast bit but before i do jack or shit im going to upgrade my armor as much as possible rn

ugh you can't enhance the gerudo clothes...geez

FUCK YES HERE WE GO!

aaah riju is talking!!! i always get so surprised!!!

i did it!! tbh i had a really hard time keeping up with her...a dash was too fast but regular speed was too slow

AAH URBOSA IS TALKING TO ME ;_;

ohhh wow it's really walking around while on it

oh man. it's so big. it's so big

oooh you rotate the insides of this one!!

i get the feeling now i should've done more shrines in this area afterall, they have the same sort of electricity theme and they would've been good practice 

okay that was...easily the hardest beast so far

i had to use a guide TWICE and i could barely understand the instructions, PLUS i got two terminals by sheer dumb luck

oooh boy okay a lightning boss im assuming here we gooooo

LMFAO i suck so much at this urbosa was like "there is valor in dodging"

thanks zelda i missed your captain obvious statements

geeeeez i just barely got it

oh EW that never gets any less gross

ohhh my god

"I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD OF HER" B Y E

oh my gOD?

she mentioned nabooru from oot BY NAME holy SHIT this continutity between games!!!

and "calamity ganon once took on the form of a gerudo that makes this all the more personal" jesus fUCKING christ

i feel so bad for ganondorf the man like

he didn't ask for this shit anymore than link or zelda

and at least they get to win most of the time he always loses and even when he does win he's hated, his win brings ruin

where's the fic where the only way to end the cycle is to become friends with him huh

or like, frankly: the true enemy isn't ganondorf but the evil that takes hold of him

when does he get to be the hero and fight it and smash it to little bitty bits!

oh lord and the blood moon as soon as i get back

do people like, see these towers popping up and beasts moving around? does it scare the shit out of them or make them hopeful?

anyway i hope now i can explore with less sandstorms

oh boy time to ride into a sandstorm gee i sure hope i dont get lost

LOL and first thing i run right into a camp of enemies just bc i was trying to stay in a straight line!!!! jesus

lovely! i am now hopelessly turned around in a sandstorm. i literally don't even know which way i came from

my sand seal is also STUCK lol

ah i passed through it! i'm right where i need to go!

omg I FOUND THE LAST GREAT FAIRY

i'm. i'm 500 short. oh my god

nothing i can't earn with 10 minutes of cooking, tho

huh...? she only asked for 1k...?

i could've SWORN i read someone asks for 10k at one point!

god what if i've been MISINFORMED all this TIME

ooh this one is orange and green

FUCK "i know what you're thinking...can't we just skip to the part where she enhances my clothes?" FUCKING PLAYED

holy FUCK just found my first molduga...i have to KILL one of these for a quest? jesus christ!

ohhh that actually wasn't too bad at all once i figured out the strategy...i've had more trouble with lynels and hinoxes

i'll be honest, the interactive map take a bit of both fun and "work" out of exploring...i look at empty areas and don't wonder "ooh whats over there" but think "ah i can just glance at that bit"

which should make me feel like my Pure Enjoyment of the game is being compromised, and i guess it does a little, but

i wasn't kidding when i said the need to explore was a bit compulsive so it's mostly a relief

ah from up here i see the sandstorm...i think it rotates around the desert? so, it's very possible to avoid and survive even if you do get stuck

anyway i missed several shrines but the quests for them are so complex and i am so Sick

of the desert. even worse than rain tbh

now the question is what to do next: master sword or rito beast

lowkey wanna wait until i get all four beasts before the sword, but

i know you do all four beasts and then ganon and that's it, so if i got the sword then it wouldn't help me for long

plus i'm a little tired of fighting the temperature and changing gear/eating food all the time, so......i guess i'll go check out the forest

maybe i'll see dinaal! i've only seen him once from veeeery very far away

im getting aaaaawfully close to hyrule castle i Dont Like This

lmao every time i catch sight of the divine beasts in the distance, the fact that i can SEE them from THIS far away, blows my fucking mine

they are SO BIG

im getting a much closer look at that flying thing and i'm almost CERTAIN it's a divine beast

just. jesus christ. so BIG

ohhh my gosh i can see the giant pink tree from here *_*

or maybe it's brown, maybe the deku tree is dead lmao

lol straight up skipped the bottomless bog and the enemies at the bottom bc i glided in from death mountain

whoa this tower has rock all over the top??

ah maybe it's so i can't glide to the big tree in the middle lol

not the lost woods if i don't get lost!

lol jk i got on top of it and there was a super cool sword here

aww rauru hillside...im sad

BRO im in the lost woods but its just playing the maze shrine music, i was so hopeful for saria's song

zora's domain having the same music set me up with false expectations t b h

omg if i go too high i die!! i can't follow my higher-ground instict here!!!!!

which is pretty cool but if all i have to do is wander around these woods with my map ON to find the master sword i am gonna be disappointed

even gerudo desert turned it off sometimes

ohhh okay if i wander off the path i also die i can't just go wherever i gotta follow torches i guess

mkay i googled it bc i got stuck and couldn't see anymore torches and it's wind direction! neat

see i feel a little bad about not figuring that out for myself but like...it's not Fun to die over and over bc you can't solve a puzzle. so #realgamers can shut the hell up lol games are for fun

the ember thing is SUPER clever tho and like i know this game is so like, praised bc it stops holding your hand, but i would have appreciated a TINY obscure hint

i did get as far as carrying a torch but i thought maybe i was burning off the fog or smth

omg i found korok forest!!!

oh

there's my sword

said "oh" out loud

kinda wish the quest had been more, idk

but.

mmm not yet. not yet. i'll talk to some koroks first

haha and the very first one tells me to go get the sword all right all right

man. i always remember now that fi's been in there since the ages of skyward sword, sleeping

tbh i kinda miss her 

even though she's way more annoying than navi could ever DREAM of being

for all we complain about compaions, they're a zelda staple and it feels lonely without them

i know not having one makes for a stronger game, i do, but...

really though. the master sword quest was SHOCKINGLY easy. i know i looked up the ember thing but geez it's the first truly disappointing this about this game

and my brother told me they made you work for it lmao but that was. not even close to Work. i've had more trouble at bokoblin camps

like. fucking weak. tbh. i'm so sad like i can't believe this game let me down

OH MY GOD

I TRIED TO TOUCH IT AND THE MEMORIES OVERWHELMED ME

and like at first i was like "ok if link gets his memories back with the sword i'll give them that, that's pretty sick"

AND THEN THE GREAT DEKU TREE STARTED SPEAKING

AND IT WASN'T LOST WOODS MUSIC BUT IT WAS FOREST HAVEN MUSIC

and i straight up burst into tears

"i have watched over hyrule since time immemorial" i know i know i was there i know i missed him so much one of the very first major zelda characters i ever knew i know technically he hasn't been there since the very beginning but he was my beginning

and i didn't even think i cared about him that much emotionally but i also welled up the first time he spoke old hylian in wind waker

oh god link's not WORTHY of the sword yet yes okay i'm here for this i knew this game wouldn't let me down

idk why i never considered the big pink tree might be the deku tree like i joked about it just a few minutes ago but i didn't seriously consider it so i was so surprised

and all the koroks running around and i know i KNOW they used to be kokiri it's almost like i came home, Really Home, the forest was where link began for me, not hyrule proper, he was always a child of these woods

ohhh my god i gotta mop up my face stream is soon!! jesus fuck

oh god now he wants me to pull it again

what if i'm not worthy? what if i am?

i don't have long left to play but i CANNOT leave it here, jesus christ

okay. i'm gonna try. i gotta try. courage!

oh my god it takes your LIFE?

and he said enough when i was down to my last quarter of a heart!! i'm gonna cry i was so close link tried so hard but he wasn't ready yet

i could eat food to max out my hearts but where's the fun in that........

ok. ok. i need to. step back a moment. fuck.

there's hestu! oh my god buddy you finally made it home!! me too pal me too

im gonna save and quit here before i talk to him tho bc like. i gotta stream. but Wow. god Damn

I KNEW THIS GAME WOULDN'T LET ME DOWN!!!!

LMAO I LIED JK im playing a bit more after stream

i talked to the trial korok and "do all the shrines here, it's based on the trials the legendary hero himself did" im crying!!! thats some History!!!

oh my god the koroks are so CUTE??

oh no this is so precious they've been waiting for him

sdfgsfdg "nooo vegetarians everywhere nooo that's my face" i wish i had thought to taka e a snap of that but i cant get him to say it again

aw omg they set up little stores and they only have one of many items please please i'm so proud of them

they set up a little bed for me!! they don't even want my money to sleep there!! i'm sleeping in a tree again, just like i was in oot ;____;

tbh it's so fitting that i did the scary mysterious thing of trying to pull the sword at night and i'm meeting the koroks in the brightness of day

i saw a shield resting on this rock and i had a tiny heart attack like OMG THE HYLIAN SHIELD?!?

ok. ok. i did the trials. i'm gonna see if i can get the sword now??

lol i have the same amt of hearts im not leaving to find a goddess statue and i was trying to boost my stamina anyway but maybe the food boost will help? unless they dont let me use it, we'll see

aaah no it DOESN'T omg

well, maybe one more heart container will do it...?

ugh i don't wanna go back and do the desert ones

me: already fast-traveling

Great, A Sand Storm, Just What I Wanted

fuck i stopped by town and there's a secret club that sells gerudo clothes for men

LOL why.........do they think dudes will feel weird looking pretty? come on

they said there's a high demand so i choose to believe there are lots of gerudo transmen. anyway back to the forest i got two more heart containers i pray it's enough i was SO CLOSE before

I DID IT FUCK I ALMOST DIED BUT I DID IT

IM GONNA CRY JESUS CHRIST

ZELDA SEALED THE SWORD

she's been fighting 100 years and she has so much faith in link

more importantly she heard the sword speak to her im crying fi is in there fi and zelda/hylia meet again

her smile is like the sun, i would do much to feel its warmth upon me again ME TOO PAL im weeping my poor brave daughter i promise i'll save her i promise i promise

it's almost 7am but that was worth it. that was W O R T H I T