#also what did her disability have anything to do with her standing so close to me?

[kentucky-daisey]

Dear lady i angered in the line at the grocery store:

Me asking for a little space had nothing to do with your disability (was entirely unaware you had one until you brought it up) and everything to do with the fact that you were standing so close to me i could feel your breath on the back of my neck.

[13thdoctorposts]

Because of all the recent asks about the current series I thought I'd send one about 13 to give you a break. So, in 13's era what are your favourite episodes and what themes or ideas did you find particularly compelling? Just feel free to gush essentially.

lol, I appreciate all asks but I do love to gush about 13 era so let’s do it.

I think many of us love Doctor Who for the theme of found family. What I liked about the 13 era is it shows found family in different ways.

You have Ryan and Graham. With Grace gone and Ryan being 19, they could both choose now to go their separate ways. But they don’t. By joining Yaz and the Doctor, they fix their relationship and become as close as any grandfather and grandson. Joining Yaz and the Doctor helps this, as the four of them become fam. It’s not about blood but actions.

Yaz comes from a stable, loving family. It's not broken. She and her sister clearly rib each other a bit, but they also have a caring relationship. But, what Yaz lacks is making her life have more meaning. By joining the boys and the doctor, she finds people to do that with. They are people she would risk her life for.

The Doctor has no one. She has just lost everyone and is still devastated by the loss of Bill. She has regenerated and is truly alone. But, she falls into the middle of these people’s lives. And while she has something to offer them, all of Time and Space they have something to offer her: companionship. She doesn’t have to be alone. She can see things again with new and excited eyes. Though she tries to keep her shadows hidden from her fam, they are also the rock that keeps her moving forward.

I think the era has many strong arcs. Graham and Ryan get through grief and choose each other. Ryan's relationship with his Dad. Ryan finds confidence in himself and is not let down by his disability. In the end, confidence and friendship on earth lead him to be ready to take on the world on his terms and help his planet. Also, Graham gets his grandson and gets through his grief of Grace, and is able to continue honouring her by looking after Ryan.

We have 13 with all her issues, particularly identity and letting people in. While she deals with her identity, her time is cut a little too short to fully deal with opening up. But, she does open up to Yaz about her feelings for her. I think that’s very vulnerable for this Doctor. And it's far more important for Yaz than knowing the Doctor's past.

Yaz we have mental health and confidence. We have her coming out and Thasmin. But, my favorite arc for the era is Yaz’s Doctorfication. It's really the end of all her arcs and time with the Doctor.

If we think of the kid we meet in TWWFTE she wants to be doing more to help, but she also wants to stick to the rules. She ultimately lacks confidence. She follows the Doctor (which is good for the story) because she doesn't have all the answers and doesn't want to sound crazy to her superiors. Theres a bit about worrying about how she'll be taken here. But, she was also willing to try to stand up to the Doctor. This showed the Doctor her leadership potential, even though she wasn’t there yet. And in a lot of stories she was essentially the 2IC of the team it wasn’t Ryan, Graham or Dan. And that 'flat team structure' was often more aspirational than anything else, lol. At the end of series 11, we know she’s had issues with depression. But, she’s also ready to follow the Doctor no matter what happens. So, even if she dies. 

In series 12, we dive deeper into the mental health. We see the way she reacts in Spyfall when she thinks she’s died. We see her story in Can You Hear Me. Through the season we see her step up and go off in her own, especially in Praxeus and TTC. Graham’s asking who’s going to go through first the force field to Gallifrey first. But, he hasn’t finished his sentence and she’s already walking through. She’s now the one telling people it’s dangerous and they don’t have to come. And we also start seeing those hints of her falling for the Doctor thought the series.

Then, in Revolution, we see her in what looks like a possible men brake or some sort of manic state that lasted 10 months. She slept in a sleeping bag on the floor trying to find the Doctor. When the most logical conclusion is that the Doctor is dead. Losing the Doctor breaks her. So, we see her mental health issues return. We also see how much she cares for the Doctor. The Doctor's friends have moved on, but Yaz clearly loves her and can't. This is after a season of watching her step up more. It's like a great mix of Yaz stepping up to find the Doctor. But, it's fruitless. And, it's also going backwards mentally at the loss. It's really quite interesting to watch the positives and negatives come together. Yaz might be having a mental break. But, she also has enough confidence to think she can still find the Doctor. 

Then we get to Flux and the specials. We open with married couple Thasmin bickering. It's my favorite scene of the whole show. But now we have a Yaz who isn't just letting the Doctor push her away. She's calling the Doctor out while also adventuring by her side. It's the most equal we have seen them. It's probably the most equal a Doctor and regular companion can be, one that's human. If you look at Series 11 Yaz and Flux Yaz we really have gone from a kid to a grown woman. She calls things out and speaks her mind. But, she also does good and helps the universe. In ways TWWFTE yaz could have only dreamed. We start to see more obvious signs of Thasmin and Yaz's feelings. This happens as she leads her own team through the early 1900s. She is now essentally the Doctor of this team. Then we have the specials. She has to confront her feelings. In LotSD, 13 confesses her feelings but says they can't be together. We see Yaz's confidence now ask why, not just accept the Doctor words. Then we get to the beach. It's pure heartbreak. There, we see a mature woman. She knows their feelings are real but they are doomed. Loving the Doctor is always doomed. and Yaz loves her enough to leave it.

Then in The Power of the Doctor, we see peak Yaz. She flies the TARDIS and catches Ace jumping off a building. She takes on the Master and saves 13 many times. She gets everyone home safe, just like 13 would do. We see her lose the woman she loves but in that episode we see her Doctorfication arc complete. But it's a healthy one. She has taken the best parts of the Doctor with her. She isn't burdened by the morally grey aspects. So she is as much the Doctor as a Human can be. She is the true successor of 13 to me. She was The Doctor's best student. She left the TARDIS without being morally compromised and with all the best lessons from 13.

You said to gush... probably didnt think it would be this much. lol

I'm terrible at picking fav eps so I'll do top 3 for each series... this is always subject to change. lol

S11 The Woman Who Fell to Earth, Demons of the Punjab, It Takes You Away

S12 Fugitive of the Jadoon, The Haunting of Villa Diodati, The Timeless Children

S13: Flux War of the Sontarians, Village of the Angels, Survivors of the Flux

Speicals: All of them 

[sapphic-scylla]

Ok, could be entirely wrong about this, but this is how I’m going to interpret it, so don’t correct me…

Shadow of the Erdtree answered a lot of lingering lore questions that base game didn’t really answer, so it closed several threads.

However, the thing that bothered me early dlc was why? Why was Miquella there in the first place? What was the point? I thought he was off attempting to find a cure for his sister’s condition, you know, like a good sibling would. She’s now down to a single full limb, no eyes, and is functioning on prosthetics (still to more than full effect, but that doesn’t erase the disability of it all) and is sitting waiting for him to return after all the work she put in trying to help him ascend. Even putting her life at risk by marching an army out to Caelid to put down this rogue warlord.

Miquella, however, was misguided as most aspiring gods are. He thought his version of compassion was to ascend to the throne with that same guy (who mutilated and kickstarted the scarlet rot in his sister btw) and usher in a new age of compassion across the Lands Between and set a new precedent for the world. While, back at home, Malenia was caving in to the Scarlet Rot on a needle that wasn’t doing its job anymore, thinking that he would return hopefully soon with a cure.

We have no clue how long ago the events of the Shattering War took place. For all we know, it could have been decades ago previous to the awakening of the Tarnished in Limgrave. Time is messy and unconfirmed in a lot of places so who really knows the time table on all of this, but my conclusion is this:

Miquella was so focused on his illusions of grandeur in the Shadow Realm (still makes me laugh) and putting his own plans into motion that he lost sight and care for the fate of his sister. He said he would ascend to the throne at any cost, so he cared little for the fact that his sister was literally rotting under the guise of being compassionate and caring and loving so deeply the people of the Lands Between that he lost his priority for his own sister, who never really wanted the throne anyway, but cared so deeply for her brother that she not only went to war and jumpstarted the rot in her own body in pursuit of being a help for him, but then was carried home by Finlay and STILL proceeded to hole up in the Haligtree waiting for his return.

Now, if Miquella truly cared more for his sister than he did the throne, he would have made more of an effort to halt the spreading of the rot, which we learned is entirely possible through Millicent’s questline by means of an unnalloyed gold needle that prevents divine intervention or interference of which the rot was perpetuated by a Greater Will of some nature. That and the fact that Radahn was very much still alive post-Shattering War, so instead of using that time while Radahn was decaying out in his own wastes to slow the spread of the Scarlet Rot, he instead abandons his sister to go argue with his brother, the Impaler instead, which honestly, the zealot that Messmer is, was probably a lost cause in the first place.

Also, it really wasn’t Miquella’s problem. The Lands Between were not his responsibility. Melina was out there doing things, chosen by her mother, Marika, to set things right, burn the Erdtree, find a worthy candidate for Lord despite the hundreds of threats standing in said candidate’s way including Marika herself who had been merged with her husband, Radagon (still not clear why that was necessary or anything), but my point being was that their was a plan in place. Kind of a long shot, but Melina was raised by her mother TO DO EXACTLY THAT, making me believe this was the plan all along and most didn’t like that decision and attempted to take fate for themselves (like Rykard, Miquella, Godfrey, even Godrick despite him being overwhelmingly inept at, well, everything). It’s also clear to me that Miquella cared very little for Mohg, who also put himself on the line for Miquella and ended up biting it to a random Tarnished who got curious. Ansbach clearly shared ill will towards Miquella with his attempts to reclaim Mohg’s dignity and his role in the defeat of Miquella’s allies and his role in the battle against Radahn while assisting the Tarnished.

TLDR: Miquella got either hungry for power or a MASSIVE savior complex and, in a perfectionist manner becoming of only him, made a long form journey beyond the realms to resurrect a warlord he chose as his consort, leaving behind a sister, sick with rot but willing to do anything for him who believed he would return with a cure, only for him too spend an inordinate amount of time arguing with their estranged sibling, Messmer, and attempting to become Elden Lord rather than actually spend the time to care for his ailing sister. Compassionate indeed…

Again, I’m probably not correct about a bit of this, but this makes the most sense in my brain and honestly, unless we get another DLC, which I’m pretty sure we’re not, I like this take one the story so I’m not really interested in being corrected at all, so enjoy the rant I guess?

[spiralling-thoughts]

Okay so I said I don't have many circ headcanons YEAH that changed here they are

TW for ableism

1- is in a single parent household his mother was accused of knowing rebels and was executed for it when the war was ending because of this circ had to mature very quickly and help his father take care of his 4 siblings and started working at the factory at 9 years old and became a second father and the mother of the family at the same time

2- he works multiple jobs to support his family in the morning he works in a factory in the afternoon as a technician and at the evening does some programming so to say he's overworked and sleep deprived would be an understatement but hey anything to help his father and make sure his siblings don't go to bed hungry so it's all worth it 🥲👍

3- he adores all of his siblings and expresses how proud he is with them and their achievements and is protective of all of them

4 - he's especially close to his middle sister casset who's 14 years old , she often faces a lot of bullying because she couldn't live up to the expectations that was expected from a district 3 citizen and was kicked out of school and struggled in finding a job because she was struggling in paying attention and couldn't keep up with the fast learning that was expected in district 3(she's an undiagnosed ADHD ), circ throughout all of these kept standing up for her and encouraging her to find what she was good at and helped her as best as he could and resured her that she is amazing and comforted her when she would be feeling down

5- is a multi- tasking he does his homework while at the same time writing down what supplies are needed and what bills to pay

6- have gray blue spots on his body due to Argyria and started needing glasses when he was 12 also despite being the eldest his rather short his younger siblings are taller than him

7- he and teslee knew each other prior to their reaping he was tasked with teaching her and two other kids how to rewire along with other skills as it's common for older children to teach younger ones in district 3 , he was very nervous at first and didn't think he would be good at teaching but it turned out good and he helps his siblings with studying

8- he has very high expectations of himself and always feels like he should always be improving and doing better and knowing better wich causes him to be self depreciating when he fails at something or couldn't control his emotions or did something he considers stupid

9 - is good at sewing as he regularly had to fix his siblings clothes

10 - I imagine his 18 he was was very stressed that any of his siblings would be reaped especially casset he was terrified that her reaping would be rigged because there were cases of children with mental disabilities being rigged to be sent to the games because they were seen as useless for the district he never thought itd be him but better him than any of his siblings

11- he was very worried for his family and could barely sleep from the stress he was constantly thinking how would they manage with him gone and even had a panic attack when he and teslee were waiting for the train which teslee helped him through it

12- at first he liked io they nerded out and he even told her about his family and they worked on strategies and he even felt like had she been born in district 3 she would have been no different than any other district 3 citizen however when she off handedly mentioned the fact that she isn't popular among her peers and the plinth prize that set all the alarms in his head and he started questioning her and feeling like she was only using him to make herself more popular and that she was tricking him, the capitol have always wanted to use district 3 s knowledge so that they benefit from it and make their lives more comfortable but they don't value district 3 they literally see them as worthless animals why would Io be any different? And he felt stupid for thinking that Io cared about him and it made him resentful and angry at everything including himself he knows how much the capitol doesn't care about them he always knew he lost his mother and childhood to the capitol he should have known better he should have judged better instead of having such a childish thought like thinking that a capitol citizen saw him as anything other than an opportunity, he didn't voice any of these thoughts instead giving Io the coldest shoulder he could give

[aro-pancake-writes]

Another Brain Rot. That man has me on a chokehold and I'll never deny it.

Sam Coe x Spacefarer.

NB Dusty, as usual. No description of Dusty, but there's a whole collection of every single plushie in the game on their bed, because that's what I do with my plushies. And I want to have something handy.

And no, I cannot give my stories titles, because I never know what to name them.

It's not even noon, and I'm already in a bind.

Crimson Fleet ships surround the Kepler, and there's a familiar voice on the comms.

Would someone be mad if I "accidentally" shoot at her ship? Just enough to disable the grav drive and she's unable to run away the second the fight is over.

Taking a look over my shoulder, to where Sam is sitting on the guns, I choose not to shoot. He'd be mad.

The last ship is taken down, and I'm opening the comms for... Lillian.

And of course the first thing she does is to ignore me, dismiss Cora, and focus all her attention on Sam. Flirting with him.

If he was ignoring, sure, I'd also ignore it. But he's flirting back. Returning her quips in the same tone, smiling.

I can't stand it, so I tell Andreja to set a course to New Atlantis once they're done there, and head to my quarters. I can still hear them through the intercoms, so I turn it off and hide under my covers.

I should have shot her down. Docked. Made her see Cora and look into my eyes as she flirts with...

Sam once told me that Lillian came back after him a lot over the years. Looking for sex, claiming to have changed, to be wanting to have a good relationship with him and Cora... Not that he actually believed after a while, but he said the sex was good, so he played along.

Is that what they're doing now? Looking for comfort in eachother after some adrenaline? I don't want to know.

~~

Sam closed off the comms to Lillian's ship, kinda happy that they didn't fight again. Despite Lillian making up excuses to not see Cora.

But the glares he was getting from Andreja and Cora told him it was not something to be happy about.

"Dad, why were you flirting with mom?" Cora asks, crossing her arms as she started at him like she's the parent.

"I wasn't flirting with her. Why would I do that?" He retorts, confused as to what led to this situation.

"It sure sounded like you two were flirting." Andreja says, deadpan as she takes the pilots seat. "Didn't notice anything happening while the two of you were talking?"

Andreja is on the pilots seat. Not them.

"When did they leave?" He asks, not being any answers for the women in the ship, both still glaring at him. "When?" He pushes, and Andreja folds.

"Somewhere between needing a vacation and that invitation to Paradiso." It was an invitation?

If they aren't here, there's one place.

~~

It's a while before the door to my quarters open. I'm not in the mood to talk to him, so I turn away on the bed, avoiding his eyes.

"Darling, can we talk?" Sam asks, and I make a point to ignore him. "Please? I'm really-" I don't want to hear it, so I turn and toss one of my plushies at him.

"Don't want to talk!" I shout, throwing another plushie. "Get out! Go back to her!" I throw one with each sentence, but he barely moves, only to dodge my attacks.

Instead of leaving, he steps closer.

"Go back to having that great sex you couldn't pass up on." I continue, along with my barrage of plushies. "Go back to crawling, to begging for any drop of attention, to arguing every day. Isn't that what you want?" I finally toss my Parsecpooch, the last plushie in the bed, and he catches it expertly.

"Darling, I'm not gonna-" he tries again, close enough to hold me in his arms.

"At least have the decency of waiting for me to leave the room, to not do it where I can see or hear it." I mumble, falling into his chest, crying. "Try to hide from me."

"I'm not going back to her." He says, running a hand through my hair. "Hell, if Cora and Andreja didn't tell me, I wouldn't know she was flirting with me."

"What?" I lean back, cleaning up my tears.

"It felt... Good. To talk without it escalating into an argument." He explains. "That's all it was for me, love."

"So you're not going to that weekend in Paradiso?" I ask, my voice broken and flawed.

"Not with her, no." He offers me a smile, cupping my face in his hands. "If I'm ever granted a vacation there, it'll be with you. On our honeymoon."

Our... Honeymoon? My brain stops in its tracks. Why is he talking about honeymoon already? Unless...

"I know this is a shit time to do it, but I love you. And I want to marry you, if you'll take me." His smile is genuine, and I'm about to lean into a kiss when there's a noise at the door.

I get up, opening it to find Cora and Andreja there, acting as if they weren't listening in on our conversation.

Cora comes by to hug me, clearly happy with the proposal.

"I'd love to have you in my family." She says, before running off into the ship.

I close the door again, and turn back to Sam.

"I'd love to marry you." I say, but the memory of the way they flirted is still like a gash on my mind. "But you'll have to promise me that there won't ever be a repeat of today." All my terms are on the table. That's the only demand I'll ever make.

"You have my word on it, love." He gets up, coming by to give me a kiss.

I'm not letting go that easy. Not really.

[brainbuffering]

The Invisible Man and His Soon-To-Be Wife Manga Review (A: Iwatobineko T: Elena Kirilovna L: Vanessa Satone E: Kristina Korpus)

[ID: English Book cover of The Invisible Man And His Soon-To-Be Wife by Iwatobineko Vol 1. An invisible man in a pin stripe suit and polka dot tie sits on a plush green leather sofa. He reads a book in one hand, and holds the hand of the young woman next to him with the other. The girl has a red/brown bob cut, and wears a long black skirt with a matching black sweater-vest over the top of an untucked cream blouse. Her eyes are closed, and her spare hand grasps her skirt in her lap. Text in calligraphy underneath reads “we were meant to be together.” END ID]

I put this book as my most anticipated for 2023 and so when it finally came out I felt honour bound to write an immediate review! As I said before, I am always on the look out for new series with disabled characters in the lead and as a fan of goofy and cheesy romance this one did look promising! 

The story is a series of short comics following Yakou Shizuka – a young visually impaired/legally blind woman who works as an assistant at a detective agency – and her boss Tounome Akira – a dapper detective whose body is invisible. The series takes place in an 'anything goes' fantasy world that combines Furries, Elves and Aliens in a seamless melting pot. So if you're looking for a serious detective story, this is not the series for you. The "cases" exist mostly for humour's sake, without any sort of reward or character development put in place through them. 

Artistically the series stands out due to its use of sky blue backgrounds. Whilst it definitely makes for a visually pleasing alternative after reading lots of just black and white manga, it does equally feel like a little bit of a cheat's way out of drawing backgrounds. A stone I throw knowing full well that I live in a glass house. I do think that Iwatobineko did an excellent job of drawing all of Tounome's suits though, so if you're a fan of dapper men in dapper suits, it's definitely worth taking a look at. 

I love the concept of a person who cannot be seen falling in love with someone who cannot see. Whilst the series plays into the "I lack one sense so all my other senses are increased ten fold" trope I don't mind it in a fantasy setting, especially as it still presents Yakou's disability as something very real. It's interesting to note that the series only presents her disability as a problem for her in relation to how other people behave. She would not have had a problem walking to work if someone hadn't thoughtlessly left their bike in the middle of the road. If nobody had sat in her preferred spot then she'd never have sat down in someone's lap! It presents these things in a light hearted way, appropriate to the tone of the series, but still does – in my opinion – an honest job of pointing out that it is not always disabilities that are debilitating, but rather having to live in a world where able-bodied people do not take your needs into account.

I also appreciated how Tounome's invisibility was presented as often disabling. Whilst Yakou suffers from bumping into unexpected objects, Tounome is the one being bumped into by strangers. He also struggles to take care of himself sometimes due to not being able to see his own body, something that he and Yakou bond over. With only one volume out so far, we're only just scratching the surface of what sort of stories can be told but I think so far it's off to a strong start.

I am not visually impaired (although my MG does cause intermittent double vision so I suppose jury's out on that one) so I cannot judge in terms of whether the series offers good representation or not, however I was happy to see that Iwatobineko did their research. In the back material they talk about how they consulted numerous visually impaired people at the Kansai Student Library (http://kansaisl.web.fc2.com) before writing the series. This research shows through in the little things, such as Yakou's use of assistive technology in both her day-to-day life and her workplace. 

I appreciated that in the opening page when describing the world that these characters exist in we see not only a crowd of different fantasy races, but multiple disabled characters too! Including what I am going to insist is a cameo of Yuki and Itsuomi from "A Sign of Affection". 

I would add that the series does feature a "Dark Elf" and "White Elf" couple, where the male "Dark Elf" is the only recurring character with dark skin. Many before me have spoken of the inherent problematic nature of "Dark Elves" as a concept. The choice to use "White Elf" as the social counterpoint rather than "Light Elf" is perhaps a little troubling, especially since the series leans into the couple being seen as deviant in the eyes of elf society. The couple themselves are the manga trope of "Husband is a goofball who can't read the room, and the wife is a sophisticated beauty who will drag him away violently by the collar" so I don't feel as though they're falling into any particular racial stereotypes, but this is absolutely a "Your Mileage May Vary" situation that I don't feel qualified to speak on with any authority. I'd be very interested to hear the opinions of BIPOC folks on this one though! 

Other than the decision to go with "White Elf" over "Light Elf" (although I am still not certain which would be best and would be happy to take consultation on that one!) I felt as though the translation read very smoothly, and everyone had Very clear characterisation. The lettering was solid, and I enjoyed how different typefaces were used throughout to convert tone of voice. I felt as though it helped to aid with the characterisation and humour of the series. 

On the whole, I don't think that this manga is going to be any sort of game changer. It's a fun little series of sweet romance stories about an engaging couple but doesn't really go anywhere beyond that. Whilst I do want to see how their relationship develops, I am not routing for them in the same way I route for – say – Kyo and Tohru from Fruits Basket. If you're looking for a romance featuring disabled characters that has a little more depth to it than "I Hear the Sunspot" would probably be more your speed. 

However, true equality is that there are just as many light hearted romcoms about disabled folks as there are about able-bodied ones! Whilst I wouldn't say that you should rush out and buy the series immediately, if you're looking for some non heteronormative stories that explore romance between disabled people it is something I would recommend reading. 

I would give it a solid 3 stars in total! 

[everybody-loves-purdy]

Question isn't hollyleaf, ivypool, lionblaze, shadowsight, beenose, (I want to mention clearsky/skystar but I don't think he really is), nightheart (asc), squirrelflight, ashfur, crowfeather, nightcloud, frecklewish (thunderclan), needletail, frostpaw, etc maybe more characters are the closest thing to what a grey morally character was even if it not written good. But closest so far?

Out of those, given what we know of her, I would say Frecklewish is definitely morally grey. Unless of course the Erins being out a novella showing her version of events and she rubs her paws together gleefully and snickers “die kittens die” as she watches the kits drown lol

Out of the rest I would say Hollyleaf, Beenose, and Needletail are the closest but they also worked hard to get redeemed. Hollyleaf murdered someone who was going to cause her and her family harm (cool motive, still murder) but she did later regret it and try and make amends with Ashfur. And Needletail and Beenose did not realise quite how bad the kin was until it was too late, but still took part in some shitty actions, but they were also teenagers during a significant portion of it.

Ashfur is villainous, I think the only grey thing about him is is pelt lol

Ivypool was a case where as Ivypaw she was definitely more grey but once she realised the harm her actions were doing and realised she was being manipulated and used she firmly became good.

Lionblaze is overall good but he does have dark moments, but he acts (intentionally) out of goodness even if he says or thinks things that would be contrary.

Shadowsight and Frostpaw I would say anything they did wrong was due to manipulation and/or inexperience. They only wanted to pursue good and fully believed their actions were that. I think the worst action between the two was Shadowsight letting Ashfur go but he was being manipulated by this guy for months and spent the rest of the arc trying to make up for this mistake.

Nightheart I just think was bratty, he didn’t really have many stakes in the battle of good vs evil until now but even as Flamepaw he wanted to help his granddad

Squirrelflight I think she just made a mistake by not telling Brambleclaw about the kids, but that is something that StarClan said not to do. I don’t think she can be faulted for following the will of her ancestors. It would be a different conversation if the whole thing happened without StarClan intervening, but as it stands she was just following a direct order from her religion.

Crowfeather is morally good I feel, just an asshole.

And I think Nightcloud is morally good too, but was just having marriage problems when we saw her at her worse, she’s a lot happier and calmer when not married to Crowfeather. She was just under emotional strain/distress I feel. And I think her part in Mudclaw’s rebellion was out of true belief that he was still deputy.

Circling back to Skystar, yeah he’s definitely a bad person. I think he becomes grey after his “redemption” he gets slightly more of a moral compass, enough to stop murdering people and kicking out babies and the disabled (what a high bar he has set for himself), but he still remains utterly selfish and arrogant and antagonistic. So I would say that post “redemption” Skystar is grey but he’s really close to the line of villain again.

That’s just my opinion anyway

[vtforpedro]

personal/med update

My brain is fried mush right now. I survived my disability hearing on Tuesday. It was definitely informal, a little intimidating, but I feel I got through it well enough. My attorney said it’s a toss up because this judge is extremely professional and won’t give any indication and he sure didn’t. The vocational expert narrowed me down to like 3 jobs, then 2, then 1, then 0. I felt that was a good thing? Like am I not disabled if I can’t do any jobs? Either way, my age is working against me so we shall see. It’s very strange that you can be completely disabled and unable to work, but not by US law so they won’t provide aid. Blegh. Gotta wait another 1-3 months for his written decision. ._. Last Thursday, I noticed I had a ‘spot.’ I call them spots b/c I have eczema but I also had a bad ringworm infection in 2015 and called them spots then. Red spots that turn into rings. Anyway thought it was gonna be eczema but by Friday I was covered in many more. Cue me having multiple meltdowns about it interfering with my hearing if it got too bad lmao It didn’t, but it is bad! I had 49 ringworm spots as of last night and they grow in number by day. So, I went to see an NP b/c my dr couldn’t fit me in. Went as well as every other medical professional interaction has, which was terribly, and left me in tears and feeling beat down yet again by the medical field. She wants disabled me, who was bedbound for eight months and currently in PT to recover, to put cream on 49 spots and counting. With IIH and nerve damage that limits my movement and ability to stand for longer than 10-15 min. But she kept interrupting me and wouldn’t let me explain any of this. Her notes said ‘she is not usually terribly active’ so I guess being bedbound translates to that somehow??? She also said I had 3-4 spots on my breasts which is not what she was told by me or what her MA wrote down. lmao so guess who had to message her pcp again!!!!!!!! A completely healthy person can’t be expected to put cream on 49 spots 2x a day. For me, this involves washing my skin since I am unable to shower every day cause of the whole disabled thing. She said a lot more bullshit about my swollen feet and fatigue, so basically I got zero help. It was barely a 10min appt. Fucking hate them, I swear. She refused to give me the oral anti-fungal cause of my other meds, but my mom asked the pharmacist today and she said I’d be fine to take it. The pharmacist asked, unprompted, if an NP, urgent care or ER doctor said no to the oral pill and my mom was like YES! And she said they don’t understand it and won’t give it despite it being used every day even for yeast infections and athlete’s foot. She said her friend went through this shit too trying to get the oral pill. Back in 2015, I suffered this infection for 5mos while applying for health insurance/getting approved/waiting for a pcp because no NP, UC or ER doctor would give me the oral med lmao I saw my new pcp finally and he was like uhhhh no here’s a prescription for it you have way too many spots to worry about putting cream all over your body. Y’all I had been washing my sheets, towels, clothes, taking apple cider vinegar baths, soaking my spots in ACV, then applying one of five or six otc and prescription creams EVERY DAY. I spent two hours twice a day in my bathroom. Ringworm was what I did every day all day for five fucking months. I cannot fathom doing that again. It’s insanity. I was close to a mental breakdown and I only had MH issues back then, none of the physical stuff. I hate it here man Also why do I keep having shit happen every time I turn around. No idea why my feet are swelling, no idea why I have this abnormal fatigue that makes me teary because I sit here and stare at my screen unable to think of anything else but how tired I am. Like for long periods of time. She said to talk to my psychiatrist about it HOOOOOOOO. I woke up this morning and immediately started crying. It’s triggering being treated this way after three years of it. I should’ve waited to see my pcp and used otc in the meantime or something, but my pcp wanted me in asap for my swollen feet so I could get lab orders. Which, according to this NP, ‘there are no labs for swollen feet.’ Where did they get this lady She’s like WHAT ABOUT YOUR LEUKEMIA DID THEY CURE IT? I’m like my chronic, lifelong leukemia? No, it is in remission lmao chronic is right there in the name ma’am. It’s the first word. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’m gonna go cry again sorry for ranting I am so so so fucking sick of medical professionals and I cannot wait for it to slow down but my february is completely booked and march is halfway there. Chronic pain life baby!!!!

[acidmatze]

I’ll be there for you (Yes, like the Friends theme) Chapter 4

Summary: After being in a coma for two years Vash wakes up, not being able to remember Anything that has happened since he was “a teenager”. How is he gonna adapt to living in a world so strange and unfamilliar? By preparing to move into a rehabilitation clinic (TriStamp timeline, post ep12)

Warnings: Vash being Vash, hospital setting (for now) Word count: ~2.4k Chapters: 1 2 3 5

This night Vash had another weird dream.

He met Nai in some weird dark place and there were dying Plants everywhere.

Nai was angry and yelling at Vash but he couldn't make out the words.

They were still teenagers in that dream. Or at least looking like teenagers.

Luida was also there and also yelling at Vash but she sounded pleading and anxious instead.

But before he could make any sense of this dream he woke up.

„It's okay to ask for help if you can't do this alone yet, you know?“

Karina is standing in front of a half naked and damp Vash and dries his hair with a towel. She has to stand on tip toes for this.

„It's embarrassing though. I should be able to take a shower alone.“

„It won't always be like this, just for a while. Soon you can do it alone again. You just have to get used to it with one hand. We have to hurry a bit now. The lady from the rehab place is coming soon.“

Vash wiggles himself out of Karina's grip and scuttles around to get all his clothes.

Someone is knocking on the door.

Oh no! She's already here? Karina motions at Vash to stay in the bathroom.

„You get dressed, I'll open the door.“

Vash is grateful Karina brought him a pair of sweatpants over from her older brother. Vash realised he wasn't able to close the belt on his regular pants alone after trying to get dressed for the first time the other day.

So sweatpants are much appreciated.

He hastily puts on his shirt and socks and hobbles out of the bathroom, still trying to pull his right sock up correctly.

There's a short round older lady standing in his room. She is carrying a stack of papers and a clipboard and smiles serenely at Vash.

„Hello, good morning. You must be Vash. I'm Mrs. Nielsen. I am here to talk about your plans after your hospital stay and if our place might be a good fit for you.“

Before Vash can answer Karina speaks up: „I know a small office where you can do your interview. I don't think there's enough space here for all the papers.“

„That would be wonderful.“

Five minutes later Vash is sitting in front of Mrs. Nielsen in a cramped office-like room with only a small window. The lights are a tad too bright for Vash's liking but what can you do.

At least there's enough space for that huge stack of papers that is now laid out in front of Vash.

„I know this looks imposing but most of these are information sheets that you can read at your leisure. You can read, right?“

There is no judgment in her voice.

Vash feels like even if he would say No he would not be treated any differently than normal.

But he can read so,

„Yeah, I can read.“

„That's good to know because that makes my job a lot easier. But not everyone of our clientele can so I figured I'd ask first. Everything that I will tell you now can also be found in these papers so if you can't remember everything at once that's fine. It's a lot of information after all.“

She shuffles the papers around and mumbles to herself.

„So where did I put the.. ah here.“

Mrs. Nielsen gathers a few sheets and hands them over to Vash.

„We will fill these out together later. If you do decide to come to us then we will go over the majority of this information again but you need information in the first place to decide, right?

So first of all, who am I and what do I do?

I am the head psychologist of the rehabilitation organisation called Dove's Wings. We do a whole lot of things but what is the most relevant to you is that we rehabilitate disabled people and help them to live as independently as possible. In contrast to a hospital we do not impose a time limit on our people. Everyone improves at a different rate and everyone's Best is different as well. You stay with us as long as you want. That can be one year or two or five or ten or forever. It is entirely up to you. Most of our current People are indeed with us for the majority of their lives already.

I don't know your exact diagnoses but from what I have gathered you will probably start in Phase 1 in the mental health group. I know you also need physical therapy but I think our mental health group will fit you better. They are all closer to your age overall, currently. Phase 1 means that you will be eased into everything. You don't have many responsibilities yet and it's on us to evaluate what we can do with you and for you and what won't work yet. You will get your own room and your own bathroom that you will need to keep clean. There will be others in the group with you and you will share a kitchen and a living room with them. You also have to keep your living space clean, together as a group. This phase usually lasts about 4 months. The switch to Phase 2 is fluid and not much changes except that you will notice that your daily schedule will fill up more. There will be more therapy, more sports, you will be asked if you want to join a club or two and there are more optional Duties for you. You will also start going to work in one of our workshops once or twice a week for a few hours. Yes, you will get paid for that. Many of our People stay in this phase for a year or longer. As with everything, it is totally fine if you don't advance further.

For Phase 3 you will actually have to move to a different building but it is right next door so you will have no issues meeting your friends still. You will have to move because in the first two phases there are more social workers and therapists around, even at night while from Phase 3 onward you won't encounter these very often unless in your therapy groups.

From then on your group will be left to your own devices mostly. You have to get up and ready and go to your work or therapy sessions on your own. Nobody will come and wake you up anymore. Once a week a social worker will come over and plan the grocery shopping with you and make a list of tasks of who does what but it is then up to you as a group to actually do these tasks.

Also, the frequency of work and therapy changes. You will then work the majority of the time and only have very few therapy groups left. This means that the stress and workload on you increases but you will also get more money. And by that time you will be more than ready to tackle this.

I won't explain the other two phases to you because this already is enough information and actually most of our People are in this phase and stay there. Living with others ist understandably more fun and easier than living alone, after all.

Any questions yet?“

That really was a whole lot of information.

Vash can only stare and blink.

Work. He hasn't worked before. Or maybe he has but there's no way he would know.

Doing household chores, keeping things clean.

On the ship Luida helped him with keeping his room tidy but he didn't had much stuff to begin with. Sometimes he helped in the kitchen and Rem also taught him and Nai how to cook a few things when they were even younger.

„I... uh...“ he starts and trails off again.

Mrs. Nielsen smiles and just nods at him.

„It's okay, take your time.“

„I can't do many Adult Things. I can't remember how to do them. I mean.. household things. I don't think I've ever been in a Store before.“

Mrs. Nielsen just nods again.

„Your case is a bit special but it's well within our capabilities to deal with. Just as anyone else we will teach you how to do these things. You're not going to be the only one not knowing how to use a vacuum cleaner or where to find things in a store. For other reasons than most of our People but don't let that discourage you. Would you mind if we go over some of your personal information really quick?“

Personal information? Oh no.

Vash knows Nothing.

„We wrote down that you don't know your family name. Considering your circumstances that is alright. If you haven't remembered it by the time you enroll with us we can put in a temporary one until you do.“

Mrs. Nielsen smiles widely at Vash.

„A once in a lifetime opportunity to choose your own family name.“

Vash has a vague idea which name he could choose if he really doesn't remember his own anymore. But he isn't completely sure about it yet.

„Let's move on. So we have two numbers on the paper here for how old you are. I think for simplicity's sake you wanna go with 28? We know you're a Plant but that has absolutely no influence on the treatment so it's more or less unnecessary information. Do you know your birthday?“

„July 21st... Do I want to know my actual age...?“

Mrs. Nielsen looks at Vash in surprise.

„Oh? You don't know? Hmm.. what do you think how old you are?“

„Uhm....“ To be honest, Vash has no idea.

He looks up to the ceiling, as if the answer would be there. Then he looks down at the table. He knows he grew very fast in his first years so who knows if 28 years have actually passed for his body yet. Or he's already ancient. Both seem equally plausible to him.

„Five million years.“

Mrs. Nielsen starts laughing heartily.

„Maybe you feel like that but you're a bit younger than that. Reminds me of one of our residents. He also keeps saying his body feels like hes 500 already. Do you want to know your actual age? If not then we can wait until you're a bit more stable.“

Vash nods.

„I want to know. It's gonna be scary no matter whether someone tells me now or later.“

„Okay. It's October so you already had your birthday this year. That would make you 153 years old.“

Silence.

The five million years would've been preferable, honestly. At least that would be a number Vash only has a vague grasp on.

So he has lost about 145 years worth of experience and memories. How many friends did he make in that time? How many people died before him? Did he have a family? They surely also died before him then. Man, that is Sad. Did he have a kid maybe? Was it still alive or did he have to witness his own child die before he does? How much time has He left? Is someone waiting for him? Seriously, did he have a family and are they still alive? When did Luida and Brad and everyone on the ship die or are they somehow still alive? The cryosleep things still worked, after all.

Vash lets out a sniffle.

„I don't even know if I had a family...“

His voice is cracking.

Mrs. Nielsen hastily gets up and walks over to Vash's seat and puts her hands on his shoulders.

„150 years are indeed a very long time. That means you have been here from the very beginning.“

Her voice is quiet and soothing.

Vash doesn't even want to think about that.

Mrs. Nielsen continues.

„It is true that you have seemingly lost a lot of time. But you are still young. The majority is still ahead of you. You have so much time to remember everything that happened. So much time to learn new things, meet new people, make new friends... Endless possibilities. Memories will come in time.“

The interview took almost two and a half hours.

Vash had his lunch delivered right after, Spaghetti and meatballs, which he basically inhaled.

Mrs. Nielsen had left him a few questionaires for him to fill out.

Of course he also still had his information sheets.

Vash was already very sure that he wanted to go there.

So after meeting Christine again in the small hospital gym this time (they just practised throwing and catching a ball one-handed and did some stretching) he was now going through all of the information he got.

He is currently looking at some photos of the place that he also got.

The rooms are looking pretty big, but smaller than his hospital room.

The bathrooms seem to be decently sized as well and have nice large windows with blinds on them.

Judging by the pictures is looks like its a whole street by itself.

There is also a picture of a cat. Maybe a mascot?

A mental image appears in Vash's head.

Of himself lying in a reclining chair outside somewhere with a fluffy small black cat sleeping in his lap.

Did he have a cat? Was that his cat?

Must be nice having a pet, for sure.

„Huh... interesting.“ Vash mumbles.

„Seems like I'm a cat person.“

Okay time to move on to all this information he got.

Two pamphlets about the workshop he can work in. Seems like theres several departments to work at. Even a car wash, huh.

„And of course we can always arrange internships in the city for you“, the pamphlet states.

Whatever an internship is.

A huge stack of pages clipped together are basically exactly what Mrs. Nielsen told him earlier so he puts them aside for now.

Another page is an „example schedule“ for how the average week will look like for him in the beginning.

Breakfast is at 8am then theres a morning assembly each day. Then theres a block called „chores/kitchen“. Then free time. Then lunch. Then something called „Therapy block A“ and a footnote on the bottom of the page asks Vash to refer to The Therapy Booklet to find more information about which therapies belong to which block.

Then some kind of sports. More therapy. Free time. There are apparently three different therapy blocks.

Why is there so much stuff?

Vash's head is already spinning.

And there's Even More pages.

Vash pushes them away from himself.

„No. No more. I can fit no more information in my head.“

[hearth4days]

Everything for mizuki akiyama!!!! 😈😈😈😈

Sexuality

Sapphic

Gender

Amab transfem

Religion

Atheist

Childhood

Shockingly I am going to let them be a happy child. Very close with her mom and her older sister, never knew her dad. Their sister's several years older and taught them how to do makeup and sewing when they came out. Her family's very supportive and pretty close with each other. See I can write not angst

What scares them

Not gonna get into their fear of abandonment cuz that's every single event they have /hj. They really hate heights. Like, cannot stand up, feel dizzy hate heights

Music preferences

Listens to a lot of anime OSTs in her free time, outside of that she prefers slower nostalgic-feeling music?? I know what I mean but in sysnesthesia-speak, pale rose/dusty blue songs. They need to listen to the song they're editing for while they work on it though so they don't lose the vibe of the song

Quirk

Very sensitive tongue. They never eat their food any hotter than lukewarm. It disturbs many

Sleeping habits

Awful. Takes up to 3 naps a day. Doesn't go to bed until 4 in the morning. It's the depression

Disability

BPD, body dysmorphia

Love language

Gift giving. Very big on making dumb shit for people. Also likes quality time

Friendship headcanon

She avoids it like the plague. Lots less scary to ignore that you have no friends than to always stress about them maybe leaving

Angsty headcanon (tw suicide)

Kind of suspicious that they went to "sit around" alone on the roof. Rui was secretly the only suicide prevention they had. Like "okay well if Rui's not here guess I can jump". It's giving My R

Family

Sort of already did this one. They threw a coming out party. There was crying /pos

Hobbies

The most self indulgent video edits. Any time they're bored they just whip out a bunch of clips that look nice and slap it over the song they're looping that week

Side note hi this is Mizuki. Would you like to see a dumb video I edited I still find it really funny. No one else does

Clothes

They take it as a personal failure if they wear anything they did not adjust in some way. She got very sewing and fashion and have since redone basically their whole wardrobe to be as Gender as possible

Fighting/violence

They kind of pussy out of fighting most of the time since they're sort of used to being bullied. But if you talk shit about any of her friends consider yourself dead. An, Rui, and Akito especially since she has a special attachment to them and they go to school together

Desires/wishes

Really wants to learn how to write music, but Kanade always starts new projects before they have the chance to ask and they feel bad asking her to do any more work than she already does

What they're best at

Naturally good at photography

Food

Very fond of sweets. She keeps tiny chocolates at her desk to eat while she works

What they lie about

Again ignoring the gender shit because that's all sega wants to talk about. They love bullshitting people about what they do when they're not at school. She just lays in bed but she will make shit up

Romantic

Never dated anybody

Appearance

They do the fake freckles on their makeup. But white. For the drip yk

Anger

Doesn't get angry very easily, but she's a little scary when she is mad. In a rabid racoon kind of way. Will use teeth

Animal-related

Likes cats, but mostly for the aesthetic. Their favorite is sea turtles

Worst thing they've done

Probably just standard-fare lying to her mom about breaking something. Generally well-behaved outside of basically being a highschool dropout

Worst thing that happened to them

For sure the transphobia. Middle school is hell

Random headcanon

Huge photo-in-locket truther

[yestolerancepro]

Tolerance Ability Not Inability A Producer Commentary 25th Anniversary Edition

Part 3 – Employment

My commentary of Tolerance continues and we are looking at the part of the film that deals with employment.

7 minutes 50 seconds Robert is still struggling to get his job interview. I hate to say it, but 13 years later, although the awful phone boxes have all but disappeared, trying to use a cash machine from a wheelchair is still just as difficult. 

8 minutes 24 seconds On her way to work Julie is past by a car which parks in a disabled space. Julie is not happy when she realises that the person parked in the space is not disabled, but is in fact her boss, Mrs Jones, played by Kate Faulkner. (www.linkedin.com/in/kate-faulkner-a3264817)

Julie daydreams about what she would like to do to her boss, leading to a spoof of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

Don’t worry, Julie, Mrs Jones will get her just desserts later on. The car, by the way, belonged to Gemma Blagbrough’s Dad, Michael. In the scene Mrs Jones Pulls out an orange badge The badge changed Colour in April 2000 to blue The Blue badge scheme itself will be extended in 2019 to cover people with hidden disabilities such as mental health and Autism

We will be covering the issue of blue badge abuse in a future blog called when I'm feeling blue coming soon

This Happened on the 20th of August 2019 click on this link to find out Blue badge permits: Shake-up 'will increase parking demand' - BBC News

For the Tolerance Film publicity material I asked Kate what she remembered about filming the Good the Bad and the Ugly spoof and how  she found making the Tolerance film as a whole and could she beleave it was nearly 20 years ago since we made it

Oh this was such a fun scene to do. Richard (the director) knew exactly what he wanted so it was easy to understand and play the scene as he wanted. Can’t believe it was that long ago...makes me feel really old! I remember it being a lovely project and really enjoying working with everyone.

9 minutes 23 seconds Robert’s Job Centre scenes were shot at the Huddersfield Branch of Worklink, which provided disabled people with help when they wanted to enter employment. The organisation was closed in 2013 because of a loss of funding. Mr Grosenberg appears. Due to his high pitch voice, Gemma Blagbrough remembers that his scenes had to be shot several times, because we were all laughing so much. Mr Grosenberg was played in the Tolerance film by Tony Green. like Clare Abbot I have  been unable to find anymore acting credits for him.

 Lian John who played the unhelpful receptionist in the job centre sequences also doesn’t have any acting credits besides the Tolerance film which is sad the acting profession can be so unforgiving.

According to Rob Martin, the Worklink scenes were shot on 20 August 1999. 17 photos survive of that day’s shooting; most of them show the set up of the Mr Grosenberg scenes with the director, Robert Hellewell, and the actors David Smith and Tony Green.

Deleted scene

Next up is a small extension to the Mr Grosenberg scene in the Job Centre. It is another of Robert's dreams. Perhaps the director felt that it slowed the story up too much, or it did not add anything or perhaps the fact that Grosenberg had a voice like a Helium balloon was enough!

Props list for this deleted scene includes Ski mask Overalls big knife

Robert is looking at Mr Grosenberg. Mr Grosenberg is looking bewildered at Robert’s face, but what he cannot see is Mike Myers standing behind him, wearing a ski mask and overalls, and holding a gigantic kitchen knife. Mr Grosenberg turns to see the knife looming down on him and he holds up his hands to protect himself, as the knife swings down at his fingers.

When Robert complains in the job centre scenes that all he gets offered are training courses and that employers only see the chair and not him, this had all been experienced by Tolerance members and still happens.

It was something I tackled myself in a short film called The Employment Game, which I made as a training exercise prior to working on the Tolerance film.

Where Robert says he has a CV as long as my arm and that he is good at training courses because he has done some many over the years, this is because of my own personal experiences in trying to find work. 

I am hoping it will be possible to include The Employment Game on the planned Tolerance website. A blog looking at the making of The Employment game called Just the Job was published on August 9th 2024

11 minutes 19 seconds We cut to Julie, who is unhappy in her work. Mrs Jones tells her that she wants five copies of the work action plan and she needs them now. She later tells Julie that she can have the morning off, but first Julie has to tackle the monster photocopier. We chose the classical music, Car O Fortuna - Carmina Burana, by Carl Orff for the background music to this scene.   

According to Rob Martin’s notes, Julie’s work scenes were shot at somewhere called Oakmead on 19 August 1999. There are 37 colour photographs in total, including Kate Faulkner going over her lines with Claire Abbot and director, Richard Hellawell, as well as the setting up of  The Good, The Bad and The Ugly sequence. Those taking notes on how many script pages were shot on this day 9 pages of script were recorded in all   the most of the entire shoot.

To read more about the issues surrounding disability when looking for a job  please read the 3 part blog give us a Job written by Gemma Blagbourgh and myself as well the Tolerance Project extra pieces about Gemma Blagbourgh’s book how to build your business piece by piece you can find out more about the book by clicking here How To Build your Business | Jigsaw Training (jigsaw-training.org)

My commentary will continue in part 4, which will look at the aspect of the film dealing with accessibility, social life and relationships.

In the meantime if you want to help the Tolerance project read about or give a small donation at our gofundme page by clicking on the above link

Photo Captions

All Screengrabs taken from the Tolerance film thanks to Ian Medley

Pictures 1 to 3 the Good the Bad and the ugly spoof

Picture 4 Mr Grosenberg played by Tony Green

Picture 5 Lian John as unhelpful Job Centre receptionist

Picture 6 Julie Clare Abbot facing the Monster photo copier

Behind the scenes photos with thanks to Rob Martin

6 Kate Faulkner going through her lines with Actress Claire Abbot

7 Kate Faulkner going through her lines with Director Richard Hellawell

8 Oakmead set up shot for the Good the Bad and the ugly spoof

9 Office shot shot set up with Claire Abbot

10 Oakmead set up shot for the Good the Bad and the ugly spoof (2)

11 Worklink Ben Brown Richard Hellawell

12Worklink with Mr Grosenberg actor Tony Green and Ian Medley

13 Picture 8 Worklink Tony Green David Smith Becky Quartermaine

Notes

Quite a bit of new material is included in this version of the 3rd part of my Producers commentary details about the Orange disabled Badge changing colour to Blue Worklink closing and the Blue Badge Scheme extending to people with Hidden disabilities was originally included in an extended version of the article which has now been deleted from our Tumblr page.

Thank you to Kate Faulkner for the interview

Also Thank you to Doctor who magazine for letting me nick there Fact of fiction format ha ha

[misireads]

Behind Closed Doors by B.A. Paris

[ audiobook, listened in english ]

a woman in charge of her disabled younger sister meets and quickly marries a man who seems all around perfect and is prepared to accommodate both her and her sister in their shared dreamhouse. right after the wedding, however, the man reveals himself as a psychopath mastermind who only picked the woman because she and especially her sister are easy targets for him to lock up in the house for his Evil Deeds. the story jumps between past and present at different points, finally culminating in the woman's plan to get rid of the husband.

➕ the star of this novel is obviously the younger sister, she's the pivotal character that makes this stand out from all similar novels, and i appreciated that.

➕ i'm about to say a lot of negative things about this book but also need to preface all of that with the fact that i did finish this in a couple of days because i wanted to keep listening, so… criticism or not, i obviously still enjoyed this on some level of wanting to know what comes next. i enjoy the suspense/thriller genre a lot so it was still decently entertaining in that regard, and this isn't by any means one of the worst books i've ever read. it's just…

➖ …that when you're familiar with this genre of "young woman finds herself in a perilous situation because she didn't suspect the man in her life to be a psycho", it's hard to be impressed or surprised by anything anymore. at first i thought this book was predictable and not very interestingly written, but by the time i got to the end, i had started feeling like i'm probably not the target audience of this. i found the main character dumb, gullible and unrelatable and was particularly irked by the writing suggesting she herself thinks she's all witty and smart despite repeatedly acting like an idiot and doing all the most predictable things (and not STOPPING from doing them). this is like the housemaid but with none of its good points -- after finishing this story i actually felt like i was maybe a bit unfair towards that one because it had some genuinely smart and gripping elements that still resonate with me months afterwards. (it also has the ending that this book should have had but didn't because this one chickens out from going anywhere even NEAR that far) but… do all stories need to be smart like that, in the end? probably not. i figure behind closed doors is more for the ordinary normie housewife audience who aren't into the darker side of things and who can relate and wouldn't be particularly witty in a romantic heterosexual relationship with a handsome man they themselves thought was perfect. so, not for me, therefore i'm not sure if i can fairly assess it from my own point of view.

➖ then again, this is my reading blog where i tell MY honest opinions about books so wtf do i care. so yes: i thought this was uninspiring, predictable as hell, the writing was too straightforward and didn't introduce any tension because we are told from the start how things are going to end up and then it just rewinds back to tell how it got there but you already know the outcome so who the fuck actually cares. the husband is presented as suspicious from scene one, there was way too much exposition to the point i felt like the writer was underestimating my intelligence as a reader. the main character is dumb and slow as hell, the little sister with down's syndrome absolutely seems the wittier one of the two and i don't know if that's on purpose or if the protag is just that poorly written. the thriller part of this was very very softcore, i think as a horror hobbyist and a fan of all kinds of fucked up media this is just not for me, and i shouldn't have gone in expecting anything more than images of beaten up people and a room painted in red being the most horrible thing the character has ever seen. the author is clearly in love with her own ideas of how to make the husband as clever as possible but none of his actual atrocities are described in any way, only implied (seriously what WERE the husband's plans?? because this story is so vague about anything even remotely genuinely upsetting so it's only implied that he uuuhh planned to keep the women locked up in some rooms?? and that's the horror? what, no rape, murder, torture??). even the things he SAYS are just conveniently skipped with something like "he CUSSED at me and i was soo scaweeedd!!!" gosh. tough life. i've spent the last few days watching anime where having your limbs torn apart is a minor inconvenience so somehow this just didn't resonate in this moment. anyway

⭐ score: 2½ -- i think there was potential for something, i still like the little sister element in here, but this is not the book i expected it to be so it just kinda fell flat on its face and disappointed me. this was a PG thriller about horrors much more mundane than i thought it would be. i figure that's fine for people who are deeply touched by whatever this was bc the only review i saw on my book app said "the only book ever that made me cry" uumm yeah, well, sure. i almost cried too when the woman was speaking into a mobile phone saying she doesn't know how to call a taxi.

[the-ultimate-pie-family]

Bass beat encounter with rave pie part 2

Bass knew the vampire hunters would of had to have to managed to get into town relatively unnoticed, otherwise the the pie family would have noticed them before they could do anything let alone a sneak attack so they would likely be kind of smart or at the very least have smart leaders

The day came around bass for how she would explain it,

I didn't really think much of it at the time, but I did see a few ponies acting weird on one of the streets. Blood started to think if he noticed stuff like that, but then bass said it was also near to where I lived. It looked like they were unloading boxes from a fancy looking wagon rave. I had an i dea who it might be, bass didn’t know what they were doing till she saw a weapon crate out of the apartment block. Bass aslo said there were a lot of tough looking ponies standing around like they were guarding something i didn't think of nothing of it so i just figured somepony was moving in and they had a lot of important stuff that they wanted to keep safe. Blood knew their leaders had to be there until 6 vampire hunters busted down the doors and walls bass, blood and rave heard attack rave get bass out of here tell the others as blood said that blood breathed holy fire at the vampire hunters burning them to a crisp didn't want to leave her dad but rave knows she has to keep bass safe so she grabbed bass running upstairs yelling brothers sisters grammy dad needs help but bass didn’t know what's happening but she knew she had to get rave safe rave and bass were outside of the back of the castle rave knew being out in the open isn't good then bass had a idea babe portal now please my apartment now rave summoned a portal grabbing bass jumping through closing the portal bass lite a lantern quickly up here babe rave followed bass but rave felt uncomfortable something horrible was gonna happen bass grabbed rave and they hid in basses attic babe why here? Rave asked curiously, and bass was scared not for her life but for raves life, then rave confronted bass holding her tight im here bass my sweet rave kissed her forehead everything will be ok love i promise but of nowhere vampire hunters dogs found them they fell out of the attic as one of the dogs went after rave and bass they didn't have time to react till blood teleported freezing time they heard blood say run they ran but was stopped by more hunters they didn't know what to do rave didn't have her sister to fuse till rave inner vampire came out attacking the vampire hunters their blood was splatted everywhere bass and blood were covered rave calming down walking to bass hugging her you ok bass bass knew she loved rave but she didn’t want a kiss good thing her dad stopped the kiss as blood teleported them to a lake you two clean up I'll stay guard just don't take to long please these hunters are everywhere bass got in the lake then rave did bass hugged rave tight kissing rave on her soft lips bass felt safe with rave but bass feeling were getting to her the lake water was like a hot spring making them relax a little then rave started to kiss bass neck trying to hold her back her lust bass covered her mouth rave? Rave stopped realizing what she was doing rave said sorry looking aways im sorry bass.... bass covered rave mouth shh there here they heard the hunters talking to their main leader but rave knew who the leader was but she didn’t know for sure babe we gotta go now then the the vampire hunters surrounded rave and bass bass said shit then rave upper cutted a hunter grabbing bass running for there lives then blood appsared stopping time but then the vampire hunters leader upper cutted blood then does a nerve pulse taps on most of bloods nerve disabling bloods magic rave heard her dad getting taken down she wanted to go back but she remembered theirs a time and a place to be a hero just not this time rave and bass ran till they reached the castle searching brothers? sisters? Grammy pie? Rave and bass walked deeper into the ruined castle, calling out to the family, then pennywise crawled out of some ruble. Ugh, he groaned you two. Help me, please pennywise started moving more of the ruble out of the way then bass and rave started helping they saw the whole family was here they started get one by one out when they were all out they hugged then they gather what was left for them then they went after blood but with a little help from there uncle surprise and his daughter

Mid pie: to be continued @umbra-draws

[9tzuyu]

beauty is in the eye of the beholder

request:

college au!

note: i hope this was okay! i had a bit of trouble at first coming up with a prompt but i mixed in something of an old work and combined it into this.

also i’m not deaf, but i do have hearing issues in my left ear and i do know quite a bit of sign language. and i am using a little bit of my own experience in this, but no harm is meant to come from this fic :].

i kind of hate this im so sorry.

warnings: none i don’t think. not thoroughly proofread! all and any mistakes are mine ofc.

🏷: @c-is-writing ‹3

italics at the end are signed!

part. ii

. . .

after an hour or so of studying literature, you were beginning to feel stressed. your nerves were building and you were beginning to feel frustrated. your jaw clenched every two seconds.

you needed a break, and you needed it now.

with a small sigh, you got up and connected your phone to your speaker after double checking to make sure your roommate, natasha, wasn’t in another room.

scrolling through your playlist and picking one of your favorite songs, you pressed play and sat on the floor. you closed your eyes, allowing the vibrations to be welcomed by your other senses.

the song was rather fast paced, but it was easy to keep up with signing along thanks to a good twenty-some years of practice.

the rhythm flowed through your body, bringing immediate relaxation. it was times like these when you could fully appreciate your gift of language.

you’d had an off and on relationship with the only way you could communicate with. the world never made it easy for those with disabilities; often ridiculing, mocking, berating, and demanding they gain control over something they possibly couldn’t.

after years of speech therapy and learning how to read lips, here you were enjoying something you were taught to believe was wrong.

you were completely content with not being able to hear, and perfectly fine with the deaf label. there wasn’t anything you’d want to fix about yourself now, no one’s opinion could change that.

unbeknownst to you however, natasha was standing in the doorway watching your every little move. she was mesmerized not only by your beauty, but at how graceful and at peace you looked. she watched you sway with the music all while signing the words as the sunlight kissed your skin.

when the song came to an end, you stopped your music and moved yourself back into your position of study. but before you could completely get comfortable, your roommate put a hand on your shoulder, careful not to startle you.

you turned around in shock, embarrassment flooding your cheeks.

no. no. no. there was no need for you to feel this way, especially not now. you were so sure of yourself just moments ago.

but maybe it was because she caught you by surprise that had you so worked up about it.

natasha bit her lip before grabbing a clean sheet of paper and pen from beside you.

“will you teach me? i know we’ve only practically just met a couple of weeks ago, but i’d love to get to know you better.”

you stood dumbfounded, tears starting to form in your eyes. it wasn’t until then when natasha put two and two together. she rushed closed to you, gently wrapping her arms around your body.

while doing so, she took the paper out of your hand, quickly scrambling down what she was trying to get out before pulling away.

it made for an awkward first hug, you could admit that.

“i think it’s really cool! no need to be embarrassed or anything. i promise :).”

you tried to pull yourself together. taking the paper and pen from her hands and writing down your response on your desk.

“why aren’t you laughing at me?” you slid the paper towards her. natasha’s head tilted in confusion before realizing what you’d meant by your question.

“is that what they did to you?” she whispered to herself, although she knew you could read what she was saying. not a second later you looked back up at her, nodding your head in confirmation.

with the pen still in your hand, you went to scribble out something else.

“sorry for crying, you just really caught me off guard. i didn’t think you’d be back until 5. this is normally something i do when i’m sure no one else will be around. i’m happy to teach you though.”

your roommate couldn’t help the grin on her face when she took the pen from you again.

“i’m sorry for disturbing you. no need to worry about crying, i’m not here to judge. i just think it’s a beautiful language. i’ve always wanted to learn, and now i have a reason to.”

you switched with her again.

“you know what they say, beauty comes from pain. i guess maybe that’s why gallaudet made the language.”

natasha shook her head.

“well personally, i believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

. . .

+ bonus:

‘hey natty?’

‘what’s up?’

‘you look very beautiful. you always do. and i think i might just have to ask you to marry me one day.’ you signed, knowing full and well she didn’t know exactly what you were telling her.

natasha playfully huffed a bit of air. ‘i haven’t learned all of that yet, you said you’d be fair.’ you stuck out your tongue, ‘i never said i’d always be fair. besides, you know all of this, but still can’t tell when im calling you beautiful? c’mon nat, it’s a one handed movement.’

‘hey now, i know beautiful! it’s the second half i don’t know yet. maybe you should teach me that part.’

‘in time i will.’

‘i’m practicing as much as i can, you know.’

‘i know nat, but look how far you’ve come already! just from five months ago! you’re unbelievably talented, and you’re learning at a much faster rate than i ever did. you don’t give yourself enough credit.’

natasha tugged you by the arm and pulled you in for a kiss.

‘cutie.’

‘that’s you, of course.’

‘if i’m so cute then tell me what you said, please? you know i can’t google that. or at least i don’t know how to- yet.’ she paused, adding a pout at the end of her statement.

‘i’ll tell you when i know it’s the right time.’

‘you’re a pain in my ass, you know that, right?’

‘i wake up every day and make it my number one priority, of course i know, natasha.’

[miss-kittyy]

Rewriting Briarlight and Longtail’s Deaths

So I am disabled, like very disabled, I am %50 of the teenagers ever diagnosed with my special combination of pain disorders, and I also unfortunately hyper fixated on warrior cats, which is bad news for me because warrior cats is super ableist, and to add insult to injury, the fandom can also be pretty ableist.

My biggest problem with the majority of “anti-ableist” AUs is that they “fix” the ableism stemming from the narrative and able bodied characters by making the disabled character less disabled, this so bad for many reasons. I’ve talked more about in other posts. The justification that real life disabled cats are less doesn’t make it not ableist, since when was warrior cats meant to be realistic? If you’re making an au where the disabled cats function like actual disabled cats you also have to make all the cats genetically accurate, and retcon Lionblaze lifting a tree.

My problem with warrior cats is not that the disabled characters cannot become full conventional warriors, I’d like it if they got to choose what duties the perform instead of being crammed into the medicine den, but I don’t care about Cinderpelt not being able to complete a marathon. Most of the fandom seems to think the issue is that the disabled character are not useful enough, instead of the way that able bodied characters deny of them agency and make remarks like “you wouldn’t want to return to a life like her’s would you?”. Disabled people do not need to be “useful” to be worthy and empowering.

It’s very obvious that most of the fandom just wants the disabled cats to be more palatable to abled bodied people, so I’ve decided to make my own rewrite instead to hopefully make myself feel better. A lot of these things are inspired by my own experiences and not every disabled person is looking for the same things in representation, this is totally self indulgent.

The goal of this AU is to highlight the many unique and valuable aspects disability and how being disabled does not infringe upon anyone’s worth, ever.

- Longtail doesn’t die in the storm, Briarpaw is still injured, but he’s found besides her, trying his best to help her cling to life.

- after Briarpaw begins to recover he stands up to Millie and other cats insulting her quality of life, he says her journey will be hard, but it is one worth taking.

- She asks him why he’s an elder, and he decides to request to have his warrior ship restored as Briarpaw is dreading the life of an elder.

- On his first patrol the cats accompanying him insist on speaking to him in an incredibly infantilism tone, and whispering amongst themselves over what he can or can’t do, without consulting him,

- He initially gives up on patrolling after that insufferable experience.

- Briarlight begins to create marks and blobs on the wall of the medicine den using crushed up dead herbs she asks him to retrieve some berries for her, and he complies.

- Jayfeather shows him how he navigates the territory with the help of some of the sighted cats, and Mousefur is quick to volunteer as his guide. He finds her company surprisingly empowering. He realizes that it was not his blindness which was limiting his abilities, but the other cats attitudes.

- Mousefur and Longtail return with mouthful of berries and herbs, Briarlight describes to him what she’s drawing on the side of the den and he helps he mound the materials into paint.

- The cats begin to pop into the medicine den to see Briarlights painting and soon Jayfeather has to kick her out occasionally so they’d stop crowding him, she’s given the walls of camp to decorate instead.

- She begins to illustrate Longtails stories of the old territory and Bloodclan, and this new form of storytelling becomes a tradition amongst Thunderclan.

- because more young cats are aware of the clans history it becomes harder for the dark forest to recruit them, unfortunately, Blossomfall’s resentment towards her sister means she never cared to listen.

- Ivypool is still recruited and trained like in canon, given her relationship with the dark forest was much more emotionally charged and manipulative than just plain lies.

- at a gathering Longtail meets Grasspelt who inquires about Briarlight, Longtail is surprised about how little he knows as the she-cat had mentioned how well they got along as apprentices. Despite Millie nagging him not to tell him the truth about her daughter he does anyways, but puts much more emphasis on how well she’s doing than Millie expected. Grasspelt thinks this sounds really cool and decides that he is going to see her and her paintings, and that nobody can stop him. Longtail makes sure to put any opposing cat in their place, but Briarlight is a very respected Clanmate, so most warriors don’t say anything.

- Briarlight is nervous and doesn’t want to come out of the medicine den at first, but when Grassheart darts into the den holding berries and flowers for her to paint with she quickly warms up to her visitor.

- Grassheart is happy to tell Briarlight that he’s never been able to be a “functioning” warrior, and that he has always imagined that his spirit is shaped different, the medicine cat says his body is normal, but he’s never been able to keep focus in a fight or react as quickly as he should be able to while hunting. (He’s autistic because I say so)

- As dusk nears he’s visually hesitant to return to Riverclan and when Longtail inquires on why he says that he hasn’t felt so “here” for a long time. On the way back he wanders off and comes back with a chipmunk, when returning to Riverclan territory his father, Mintfur, is shocked to see his catch. After talking with his family a bit he realizes that it was the noise from the river that was making him so tense and dissociated, Brackenfur, who was escorting him, notices that he keeps rubbing himself on the ground and wincing.

- For the next couple moons Grasspelt returned to Thunderclan to bring Briarlight plants that only grow in Riverclan territory, he begins trying to fish from the quite lazy stream in their territory and soon both him and Briarlight have got it down.

- Longtail notices the sadness present whenever Grasspelt left and exclaims that it’s rather stupid that he’s living somewhere so unsuited for him just because of words long repeated.

- Grasspelt confesses that he feels the same, but knew he wasn’t supposed to say anything. Briarlight tells Longtail that her and the Riverclan warrior had been thinking of each other as mates for moons.

- Longtail accompanies Jayfeather to the next half moon meeting where he proposes his addition to the warrior code, “no cat should be confined to laws which harm them due to an inherent physical or spiritual difference.” (Cats don’t really know how brains work, so they see mental disabilities as a difference within a cats spirit)

- A moon later the leaders meet to discuss this proposition, it is accepted and Grasspelt makes the journey to Thunderclan for the final time.

- Grasspelt is renamed Grassspirit when becoming a Thunderclan warrior, unlike prior renaming of disabled cats this is a celebration.

- Grassspirit spends most of his time taking care of the elders and kits, he’s incredibly compassionate especially with kits and is able to solve many problems within the nursery.

- When twigkit and Violetkit arrive in Thunderclan Briarlight and Grassspirit help raise them, after Violetkit is taken Briarlight and Twigkit paint her on the side of Thunderclan camp.

- Briarlight still gets sick and her illness progresses without any treatment, Grassspirit notices her trying to hide it and when Longtail finds out he’s very upset. Jayfeather frantically treats her, expressing his frustration that she didn’t tell them sooner, the second Millie steps out she breaks down and explains that she just wanted to deal with it herself, and perhaps if she were successful Millie would finally treat her like an adult.

- Longtail gives Millie a stern talking to, he tells her that Briarlight is a warrior of Thunderclan and as her clanmate she should show her some respect.

- Millie is inherently very reactionary, as she had not realized the full extent of her suffocation, but eventually after a couple moons her and Briarlight begin to rekindle their relationship, like adults.

- Blossomfall sees how Brairlight wasn’t basking in their mother’s attention like she imagined, and feels the urge to seek out an actual sisterhood after ignoring Briarlight for moons and moons.

- Briarlight isn’t really mad at her sister, and understands why she felt the way she did. Jayfeather suggests that Blossomfall help Briarlight with her painting, Blossomfall seems put off with the suggestion of being her sister’s assistant.

- The interactions that follow are less than ideal, Blossomfall commends Briarlight’s able friends (Thornclaw, Poppyfrost, Alderheart, etc) for being so nice to her, as if that’s not what friends do. She seems very sad the entire time, sighing when her sister dragged her legs around with her mouth to sit more comfortably, even though she was completely fine. When watching her paint she comments that it’s good she has “something to keep her busy”, and finally she expresses her view, of Briarlight’s injury and her (Blossomfall’s) suffering being all worth it because of her talents, as if her life was not worth living to begin with.

- Briarlight tells her that if that’s truly what she wants she’s going to have to put more effort into understanding and respecting her way of life, and that she won’t apologize for their mother’s actions.

- When Blossomfall has her kits they take a liking to Auntie Briarlight, and Blossomfall seems to have reflected on their past interactions, trusting her sister to watch her kits. Briarlight teases a bit, a subtle way of telling her not to rush things, but they do begin to feel like something close to sisters.

- Right before Briarlight’s Nieces and Nephews are made warriors Longtail dies of Greencough. Throughout the entirety of his sickness he kept his sense of humour, his mean streak, and his immense love for what he had made of his clan.

- At his vigil Grassspirit began whaling like a bird in new-leaf, he insists that the vigil is too sad, and that Longtail wouldn’t want everyone moping around, for Starclan’s sake, his life was good. Standing amongst them, Longtail’s spirit can feel every cat in Thunderclan standing around him, singing the song of a life well lived.

[berthemorisot14]

Chapter 6. Does he love her?

I also looked for clues for Levi’s feeling towards Hange in the manga, without much expectation.  Considering Levi's character, I would have been surprised if there was a sign.

In the beach scene, Levi gives a warning to Hange about poisoning, though.  It was the first time that he ever told someone to be careful over such a small thing.

“Don’t die.” That was the best warning that he ever uttered.

Hange being Hange, she doesn’t mind touching the seashell despite Levi’s warning, and Levi is not happy about it. While Hange hears Eren’s grim discourse, Levi stares at Hange’s seashell.  He seems to care.

Practically, our beloved Levi died by explosion. 

Levi became disabled and replaceable.  In this cold drama, that meant the end of a character, and I guess that’s what IH intended initially.

The reason why Levi survived is probably because of his popularity.  But aside from kiiling Zeke, he needed more raison d'etre (Zeke actually killed himself, because he showed up and anyone could have killed him at that moment).

The chapter 126 was released 10 years after the first chapter, and IH must have changed his initial plot along the way.

FF to chapter 130.  Rumbling began and the situation became much more grim. They now have to keep Eren from destroying the entire world.  They barely escaped the port after a battle with the Yeagerist.

When asked by Hange, Peak, another great character, says that she would serve as the late Captain Magat said. “I'd help you and do what I should.”

Hange was deeply moved (Actually she became close with Peak after the battle).

Hange utters “I want to ride on your back and feel your warmth”. This is very intimate, almost a flirt, which Peak immediately rejects. 

Hearing that, Levi calls Hange as Kusomegane, which he did not use for a very long time.

“Yet another love for a Titan go unrequited , I see.”

So much was lost in translation here, as many native Japanese fans noted. Connecting word (prepositional particle) in Japanese confers a very different meaning in a dialogue.  If what Levi meant was only “You have that unrequited love for the Titan”, he would have used a different language.

It is very difficult to convey the nuance, because connecting word dose not even exist in European language.

“Although you still have that unrequited love for the Titan..” would be closer, though. The following word is "you have mutual love with me". 

That is the first time that Levi said anything even remotely close to intimacy in the whole series.  Yes, he loved Hange (or IH intended him to). 

However, Hange replied,

“Would our colleagues be watching us? Would we stand tall among them? ”

She was so cold. She did not even face Levi. Maybe she did not want to stumble.  Maybe she was aware of her own fate. Rumbling is coming in in hours.

For the first time, Levi reveals his vulnerability by saying “Don’t say such a thing like that guy (Erwin, who devoted his heart by sacrificing his own life).” 

He was also faintly aware of their fate. He was afraid to lose Hange.