#also while it may not seem like it i do love the gems and greg

[sullina]

Steven universe future episode 15 "Mr. Universe" starting with Greg and Steven going on a roadtrip to the tune of "dear old dad" and ending with Steven deleting the old yearbook photo off his phone.

I just love this kind of extreme contrast.

the episode starts with Steven genuinely believing that his dad might be able to help him after what undoubtedly feels like an eternity of a confusing and aimless hell for Steven (as having a mental illness tends to be).

Finally, something to help him get better.

Only to realize how terrible he really had it. He says it himself. "I grew up in a van! I've never even been to a doctor until two days ago!" along with how he never went to school on top of that, when Gregs parents, Stevens grandparents, were "right here".

This is the episode that Steven (and also I) realized that while Greg loved him dearly, he was not cut out to be a father. Or at least, he didn't know how to be a father, how to properly care for a child.

Gregs parents were extremely strict, according to Greg himself, and Greg obviously didn't want to be like them, but he overcorrected into the opposite direction: total freedom. But children need boundaries and rules. Not so many as to be suffocating, but at least some structure to learn what was safe to do and what wasn't.

That last part did not exactly apply to Stevens childhood. We never see his early childhood, but from the start of the first show, Steven is exposed to genuinely traumatizing danger over and over and over (as shown in the "Growing pains" episode, where Steven goes to the hospital and recounts all the traumatizing stuff that happened to him to Connies mom, Dr. Maheswaran). Steven knew what was dangerous, but he never seemed to learn what "safe" really was, considering not just Steven himself, but his home and family and friends were often under attack. Not to mention all of the physical injuries he got. Steven never really got away from just about any dangerous situation with "just" a bruise. He could have died, and he knows this. Any danger he's faced has been potentially lethal. This is not healthy, but the consequences only show up later.

But as a child, he either wasn't 100% aware of that fact, or decided to just subconsciously shove it down and not think about it ("not thinking about the bad stuff" is also a confirmed coping mechanism for young steven, as shown in "mindful education", the episode that features the song "here comes a thought"). But young steven only felt bad about the stuff that he couldn't do for others. The bad stuff that happened to himself didn't really seem to register, because there was always something more important going on, and even when there wasn't, no one ever checked in on Steven afterwards. Everyone just assumed he was okay, and that was it. Even Steven himself.

When there wasn't a (usually life-threatening) mission going on, Steven was very often left to his own devices. And that extends beyond just mission stuff. I don't think we've ever seen anyone actually cook for Steven. Whenever he eats, it's either some kind of take-out food, or food he made for himself. And it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it does send the message of "you're responsible for yourself, if you can't take care of yourself on your own, no one will do it for you". Add that and the fact that it was Steven who helped the Gems through their mental stuff (especially Pearl, especially when concerning anything related to Rose), I can't blame Steven for internalizing the message of "you're responsible for yourself and also everyone else (so all you're good for is helping others regardless of your own wellbeing, which is not important)"

And bringing it back around to Greg... Greg never had the courage for any sort of real confrontation. Initially, you can blame his own parents for that, if we assume that any attempt for Greg to properly assert himself was only ever met with more abuse than he was already subjected to by them. However, while the blame is not with Greg himself, as an adult, he is responsible for healing from that. But he didn't, and the consequences of this trauma are still there. Greg lived without any ability for serious confrontation and asserting himself by just... running away. He ran away from his parents with the van. And while he tried to reconnect with them later on with the letters, those letters were never opened. Greg probably never recieved a response from them, and he most likely didn't even visit to check on them, if the letters ever even arrived. Whenever there was gem-stuff involved, he ran away (quite literally), and in Steven Universe Future, when Steven crashed the van? He tells his son that he's proud of him for "telling him off", because he's glad that his own son can tell him anything.

Steven is distressed by this reaction. A lot.

And it's this reaction that tells him that Greg can't help him.

It's just such an odd reaction. You crash your dads van and he tells you he's proud of him? I mean what kind of reaction is that? You'd expect to be reprimanded. Or at least be asked something like "what the hell was that? Why did you do that?" But Greg didn't. He didn't confront his own son after crashing the very van he's built his life with. The only thing Greg did was make sure that Steven was alright physically.

And the next episode? The gems do reprimand Steven, but what for? For endangering his dad, who is a "fragile human". There was little to no concern for Steven himself. No "What was going on" or anything, just a "what were you thinking?" as if Steven crashed the van on purpose, which he didn't.

Steven never recieved any boundaries to keep him safe, and the only other family, the one he was actually living with, the Gems, most often left him completely alone unless there was a mission to complete. Steven mainly cared for his own self in his day to day life. He even seemed to do his own laundry a lot of the time, he was the one making sure he was fed at age 13 and up, likely also the one to make sure he had a personal hygiene routine. While we don't know about that last part, Greg wasn't living with Steven, and while i don't doubt he taught his son about personal hygiene, it was up to Steven himself to enforce it. If 13 year old Steven didn't feel like brushing his teeth some days, would anyone have made sure he did it anyway?

And what about education? We know Steven knows how to read and write and probably the basics of math as well. He knows the basics of what he needs to know, either taught to him by Greg or by Pearl, but anything beyond that? Physics? Chemistry? At least some basic science?

And not just education itself, school is also important to socializing, getting to know people of your own age group. Living at the temple, Steven was pretty much isolated. Sure, he knew people in town, but i don't think we ever see them actually visiting him, or him visiting anyone else just to hang out. And even when we do, it's pretty rare.

The closest thing Steven had to a friend his own age was Onion, and Onion is, well... he's Onion. And shown to commit legit crimes more than once. And Steven is often shown to be kind of scared of Onion, or at least uncomfortable around him. He takes it in stride, but I'm pretty sure if Steven ever thought about it properly, he would probably say that Onion freaked him out. Plus, Onion is much younger than Steven, seeing as Steven should be around the same age as Sour Cream (since they were both babies around the same time, though SC is probably a year or so older than Steven still).

Everyone around Steven was either his caretaker (who weren't very good at their job as proper guardian) or an acquaintance at best and likely unaware of what was going on with Steven at home.

Steven was isolated and neglected in vital parts of his upbringing, the best the gems did was making sure he didn't die, and Greg was no longer reliably around to make sure everything was alright, unless Steven came to him. And Steven was the one to take care of his guardians in their critical moments.

And still, Steven was a "good" child. He took care of his own physical human needs, with no one around to make sure that he did. When something bothered him, he took care of it himself. When others were bothered by something, Steven took care of them, too.

Even in battle, he tried to resolve everything peacefully when he could. When he couldn't, like with the corrupted gems, he fought when needed, to the best of his abilities. The more his powers came in, the more missions he could go on (the more time he could spend with the gems who were his family).

He made himself useful, not unlike a weapon: to be drawn when needed, and put away when not needed.

But he's not a weapon. He's an alive being with needs, emotional and physical. But the gems didn't seem to realize that. Greg wasn't properly caring for him like he should have. In the episode where Lapis steals the ocean, Greg even asks "is this what every mission is like for you, Steven? Because I'm not sure I'm comfortable with you going on these anymore." (i think he was interrupted then, but that's pretty much what he said) Greg doesn't know what happens on these missions, and even when he expresses his dicomfort with his son being put in danger, nothing actually happens to make that stop. Stevens physical needs were taken care of by himself. His emotional needs were often disregarded, not only by the gems, but by himself as well.

He made himself small, bottling up his issues and not bothering anyone with them.

And everyone else just... let him. Just let that happen. Steven was fine, right? If he's not calling for help, then everything must be fine, right?

The gems and Greg only ever started to say something in SU Future, when it was pretty obvious that Steven was no longer alright. When the problems became harder and harder for Steven to hide.

And even when it was obvious that he wasn't alright, Steven himself kept insisting that he was fine, because he couldn't be not fine, he had to be fine, because he couldn't help others if he wasn't, and if he couldn't help others, then what was he good for-

In "Growing pains", when Steven goes to the hospital, Greg is actively forced to confront his son and assure him that he'll help, that he's there for him, and they will figure this out together. And things seem to look up for Steven. Well, until the next episode, when Greg shows him the solution that helped him when he was younger. When that didn't help Steven though, Greg tried to push it on him again. When Steven lashes out at how Greg messed up with caring for him, Greg completely fails to see it and keeps saying how Steven had "actual freedom".

But too much freedom isn't much different from utter neglect.

And even when Steven crashes the van, Greg still fails as a parent. Sure, Steven is alive, but he refuses to confront his emotional wellbeing, the real problem. Greg Universe runs away again. Like he did from any gem-related issue. Like he did from raising Steven as soon as the gems took over. Like he did from his own parents.

And because of this, he would never be able to help his son. He could never teach Steven how to cope, because Gregs only way of coping seemed to be "run away from your problem". But Steven could only run from his problems for so long. He bottled his problems up and internalized them, but that bottle was always gonna burst sooner or later, and then what? Steven couldn't run from himself, because wherever he went, he would always be there.

His own father couldn't help him.

The gems couldn't help him.

Literally the only adult who was able to give him any sort of help was Dr. Maheswaran, and even then, all she could do for him was identify the problem.

Steven was on his own.

But it's not like he was dying or anything, so he was fine, right? As long as he wasn't dead, he was okay, he could take care of himself and everyone else like he's always done.

He always took care of everyone else.

So why were they leaving?

Why were they moving on without him?

Why are they leaving him behind? He's been good, hasn't he?

And even when he messed up, he always fixed things, didn't he? Always!

He fixed things! That's what he does! He's Steven, the one who always helps everyone and never needs help himself, but if they were leaving, was he really a good child? Was he really helpful?

But if he wasn't helpful, then... what has he been doing all this time?

If helpful Steven wasn't helpful, then he could only be a fraud.

No... no, he could always find a problem to fix! And if he couldn't find one, he would just have to create one! As long as he could create problems, he would never run out of problems to fix, right?

As long as he just keeps messing up and creating problems-

Wait...

No...

That's not right...

If he's creating problems, he's not helpful...

He's a monster.

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Ben and Gwen: lonely kid and gifted child

I’ve thought a lot about these two and their family dynamic. Both are relatable to me but in different ways. Like Gwen, I’ve always been the “mature” one who was good at school and loved by the adults in my life, but I also don’t have any friends and have a desire for fame and attention like Ben. At first glance, they seem to have little to complain about, being white kids with stable homes and two parents, compared to someone like Kevin, but there’s more to a character than just the surface and I think both have a lot of emotional issues relating to their self worth.

With Gwen, we get glimpses into her life and how everyone views her as perfect. Sunny envied how she was adored by her parents and Verdona and Gwen wished her mother would stop thinking of her as the “good influence”. All the adults in her family loved her and expected her to be the role model for the other kids which is a double edged sword. Yes you get praise and love but also pressure and high expectations. You’re expected to babysit the other kids and often have to bury your true feelings to please everyone and people will envy the love you get. And that love is often conditional and based around living up to their standards, remember how Natalie told her “normal people don’t glow” and how she doesn’t like her daughter or nephew using their powers around her.

As a kid, she was constantly doing extracurriculars like cotillion and judo before earning a scholarship to go to college early in Omniverse. We got a glimpse into her daily life in “It’s not Easy Being Gwen” where everyone expects her to fulfill certain obligations. Gwen seems like a child prodigy who feels she has to be the best and is always filling her schedule with activities and is always trying to get into the top schools. I think that’s why she fell for Kevin. He was the only one who loved her without putting her on a pedestal or because she’s family. The only person she could be herself around and doesn’t force her to act like a perfectionist. People complain about her outfit change in OV and I agree with some of the criticisms, but with all the pressure in her life, I get why she would want a change from the expectations in her life.

Ben strikes me as someone with a deep inferiority complex. It’s implied that he’s a bit of a loner who doesn’t have many friends with JT ditching him for Cash. He did get along better with Sunny which makes me wonder if he can relate to being in Gwen’s shadow. Fans talk about how great Carl and Sandra are as parents and while they are nice people, their free range approach can seem negligent. They only seemed concerned about Ben’s heroics once they witnessed it. By that time, Ben had been on late night road trips with Kevin, who punched holes in their doors, for weeks and didn’t even come home one night in “Save the Last Dance”. Ben may have acted the way he did in the OS as a cry for help as he feels neglected and the favoritism everyone has towards Gwen may rub off on him. It reminds me a bit of how Steven from SU acted the way he did in the early episodes because he was constantly being left alone without the gems or Greg while being compared to Rose. Kids who don’t have friends nor get much attention while living in a family member’s shadow can and do develop inferiority complexes.

Ben’s desire for fame seems to stem from wanting to be loved and wanting to feel special. He becomes so full of himself because people finally love him as opposed to viewing him as some average kid. Fans have dismissed the bullying he faced as cliche or unnecessary but it adds to his character. A lonely, bullied kid who’s in the shadow of his overachieving cousin will want something that makes him feel special, like the Omnitrix. Ben has to learn throughout the 4 shows that he is the hero, not the watch. I think that’s why he loved using transformations like Four-arms, Humungousaur and Feedback so much even if they were inadequate for the situation as they made him feel confident. The way he fights is reminiscent of standing up to a bully too, picking an intimidating form, offering a chance to back off and then doing what he can to stop the threat. It’s easy to write him off as just a spoiled brat or narcissistic but I think 1, that’s ableist and 2, is a rather shallow way of looking at his character. While he can be insufferable at times, is it wrong to want acknowledgement or praise when there’s people like Will Harangue or the Rooters who hate you just for existing? I think he deserves a break from fans who hate him and he acts a lot better than most kids would in his situation. Compare him to Shinji Ikari from Evangelion, who I also love as a character, who would break down after seeing what Ben has to deal with every day.

I think both may envy each other at times. Gwen has been shown to be jealous of Ben getting all the glory as well as how Ben was given a car by her boyfriend despite her parents being wealthier. Like Sunny, Ben may have viewed Gwen as a stuck-up overachiever who got all the respect from their parents. That was until they bonded and became friends in the OS but it occasionally came back like when Ben lashed out at her for telling him he couldn’t use Feedback, believing she was trying to take the only thing he had. Because they have it easier than Kevin, it’s easy to expect them to just get over it but I think both Tennyson cousins need a lot of therapy and need to talk about their issues with each other. Both characters mean a lot to me and remind me of my own struggles.

[garr9988]

I say this as a big SU fan: If I had to give Steven Universe one glaring L above all else, while fully recognizing that it may be at least in part due to the final season & Future being so rushed:

It’s having Rose and her death be so heavily suicidal-coded (the art books went in on how much she loathed herself and thought she was incapable of changing, so) and yet ending the series with Steven being so irreconcilably angry with her and the impact of her death that he locks a reminder/representation of her away in a place he doesn’t visit so that he doesn’t even have to acknowledge her existence.

Granted, the finale ended with Steven getting therapy and clearly improving his relationships with the Gems, Greg, and Connie that were similarly causing him grief, but Rose in particular is a very specific case in that we don’t see whether he improves his feelings on her, and because she’s dead she isn’t an active presence in his life that he’s compelled to reconcile with. Greg is his dad and Connie is his girlfriend, he has to like them to keep them around, but there’s no incentive with Rose.

There’s also Greg, Pearl, and Volleyball still loving Rose even with the full picture, but to me that feels barely there anyway, a half-hearted tack-on.

I still have a big gripe with the movie for tacking on Rose’s treatment of Spinel and making Rose seem even worse than before, purely because neither the movie nor Future remind the audience of the ways she eventually improved. It felt like the writers went too far when they had already given us Rose’s story in reverse and already had the characters react negatively to the news she was Pink Diamond in the original show.

There’s obviously room for audiences having to remember these things themselves and that a narrative doesn’t have to point these out all the time. But a narrative bears responsibility for the way it frames things and the way it wants or expects an audience to view something.

Rose’s redemption arc being shown in reverse IS cool, in concept! But when the audience insert protagonist and a lot of other characters get this reverse arc and act like the terrible things are the conclusion of her self, that these secrets aren’t her past that she left behind but the mask being ripped off and the true evil monster being revealed for who she is… it doesn’t leave a good taste in my mouth.

That’s certainly part of why a good chunk of the fandom hates Rose the way they do, bc to a non-negligible extent the show is fostering their view, playing it out on screen without actually correcting it.

It’s obviously realistic and possible and downright good & compelling for someone to have a very negative response to another character’s death (suicide) and the fallout they’re left with. But a character who dies in such a way, especially Rose. deserves to be given sympathy and respect within the narrative.

[wallflowers-in-the-wind]

Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz

An analysis with a bit of theorizing

For those who watched Steven Universe, Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond seemed to be complete opposites in every way. But when we got the reveal of them being the same person it seemed impossible. Learning this from at first admiring Rose to the slowly deconstruction of this perfect being was also very clever yet the shock still never seemed to fade.

Yet the one thing everyone seems to be focused on is if Rose/Pink were right in their actions. So many innocents were harmed, shattered, bubbled, or killed in a war that seemed needless. But what if it was the only option?

From what we are told throughout the show Pink Diamond is trapped in an abusive situation with the other Diamonds. They see her as a child that needs to be placated for shut up entirely. Casting her off to be other gems problems or creating best friends for Pink so she would leave them alone.

But that wasn’t what she wanted. Pink Diamond didn’t want to be cast aside she wanted to have a purpose for her existence, to do something grand like the others. This anger and frustration caused her to lash out against the gems given to her as a distraction or to serve her. Perhaps this is something the other diamonds have done to her when she goes to far in her demands to be treated equally and she just replicated it against those she could. It is inexcusable and the damage still affects the gems still around that served Pink Diamond like Pink Pearl and Spinel. We probably won’t ever know the full extent of the Diamond’s actions against Pink Diamond and the domino effect agaisnt other gems but from what little we do know it was inexcusably

However, their actions kept Pink Diamond naive. She didn’t realize what the other Diamonds were doing to the other planets until she got one of her own. When she disguised herself as Rose Quartz she got to explore the planet she owned her way with what she thought was her own authority. Seeing the effect the Kindergartens had on the planet and listening to stories from other gems may have been what caused her to change for the better. When the other Diamonds wouldn’t listen and gave her the human zoo to placate her again it must have been the breaking point.

This would lead to the rebellion. Perhaps it was stared to get the others to change their minds at first. If they wouldn’t listen to her then she would force them to listen to someone who fights back. Rose Quartz became a persona where she could act and say what she had been saying for centuries but no one listened. But I don’t think Rose/Pink meant for it to get out of hand to the degree that it did. It started out with just her and Pearl but when they met Garnet and so many other gems who believed in her and trusted her not because she was a Diamond but for what she thought it became much more that just her voicing her thoughts. But by the point she realized how far the other Diamonds would go to stay in the right, it was too late.

Her only option left was to leave as Pink Diamond and allow earth to be destroyed or to stay as Rose Quartz. But she couldn’t live as both without someone becoming suspicious, hence the fake shattering.

But sometimes I wonder if she ever had the intention of righting any of the wrongs she had committed against others. She had proven before she would never reveal her true identity to the other Crystal Gems. However, if she never fell for Greg would the events that take place in the show force her to confront her past or if she would continue to be Rose Quartz until the truth is revealed?

Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz are far from perfect. There are many things they never resolved that was left to Steven. But their reasoning while flawed is understandable to a certain extent.

If the show ever gets the chance I would love for a series to show Pink Diamond’s past and her time as Rose Quartz. While I know this would take away from the way we learned about Rose and her true identity I think it would be fascinating to see how everything happened and Pink Diamond/Rose’s thoughts and feelings so the fandom can understand her better.

[lambourngb]

day 6: lesser known creators and creations- the hidden gems of fandom

Belated for @roswellnewmexicocreate [last few days have been challenging!]

New creators are the lifeblood of fandom, because not everyone stays in fandom or stays inspired to write for it. While there are times I just want to re-read a classic, there really is something fun about clicking on a new name to see what they think of our beloved alien show.

We have very long hiatuses, and sometimes people pull away until the show comes back, so I thought I would also highlight some lessor known creations as well from our last hiatus. As we are blessed in the malex side of fandom, there’s a small but mighty group of fans and creators, churning out new works every day, so maybe you might have missed these works.

***

calamitous by @bubblesyoh (3,962) - Two times they apologize to each other and three times they are so in love they can't even fool one another. 

why i like it: most of us know bubblesyoh as being a supportive friend, reblogging and commenting so prolifically- but they are also an author! Malex have without a doubt hurt one another in canon, and there is an art to writing a good apology fic and this story does it well.

***

kill me tonight, darling by u1ltsa (4.867)-Alex and Michael have a memorable first meeting at a party. They keep running into each other and can't seem to get enough of one another.

why i like it: It’s a human AU where over the course of months, these two keep running into each other. Michael is so smitten in this story and can’t help chasing Alex and how Alex makes him feel. It’s sexy and kinky and ends happily ever after. My favorite meeting is still the bar scene that ends up at a hotel- wow.

***

next time will be the last time by kit alridge (1,715) "It's not how it's going to happen, next time. Because next time will be the last time we do the falling-back-together thing." After a close shave, Alex and Michael come close to falling back into old patterns, but have a much-needed conversation instead.

why i like it: I’m so weak for the “we survived let’s fuck to celebrate” trope, and this story explores what it means for Malex to fall into it, and how closely it mirrors some of their past, unhealthy behaviors. Anyway this hits all the notes that I pray we get in the second half of season 3, where these two finally talk and admit what they want. 

***

tell me what you’ll do, please by @entropychanges (3,054) So, Michael, dripping like a wet mop on the restaurant’s tile floor, stood silently as he looked between the sister of the girl whose murder he covered up only two months ago, and his lover who would rather be sent off to war than be with him. Great. He swallowed, figuring he may as well break the silence.“Sorry, I wasn’t sure if-”“The kitchen is closed,” Liz interrupted, looking him up and down before saying, “but you can stay until the storm lets up.” Or, in which Michael gets caught out in the rain while sleeping in his truck, and ends up taking shelter in the last place he wants to be.

why i like it: Sometimes I like to cry about Michael, especially Michael at 17-18, after the shed. This story serves up all the angst of what his life looked like then, along with the grief that Liz was living in and the grim determination that Alex had about his own fate. They were all such babies and they were in such pain, and ugh that breaks my heart.

***

I’ll take care of you by @cosmiceverafter (2,055)  When Alex stops by Michael's airstream to confess how he's feeling, he ends up taking care of the alien he loves so much instead. 

why i like it: classic hurt-comfort here, which I always eat up with a spoon. Highlights for me in this story was Michael was hurt working on a project from a natural disaster, and not anything self-inflicted, and then Alex finding that iconic picture of the two of them in the desert with guitars. Ooof so many feels!

***

look after you by @ravens-words  Everyone checks in on Kyle. 3x04 Coda

why i like it: well before we had it in 3x06, EJ delivered the whole found-family feels of everyone coming together to make sure Kyle is okay. As they should. Kyle holds the only brain cell. EJ has been a coda-writing machine since returning to RNM with the show, so definitely check out the whole collection for season 3, and not just the chapter I linked to because they are all so good.

***

honey, i’m going to love you all my life by wwwjudedotcom (3,729) Alex leaves Michael a voicemail after he loses his leg because he doesn't want to die without telling Michael that he loves him. 

why i like it: this part of a great little series of fics surrounding prompts about ‘ways to say i love you’ - I’ve probably imagined Alex’s life post-injury in Iraq a million times, I so badly want to know if he dared to call Michael, did he call out for him in his morphine daze, is that how Greg knew about Michael? And I’m unsure if the show will ever answer this question, so it’s up to fanfic writers. Anyway, I love this little AU that lets Maria know just how important Michael is to Alex right from the start and where Isobel sends them to be with Alex in Germany. Ugh what a sweet thought (probably too sweet for the angst machine that is RNM).

[novantinuum]

Is the “villain card” really a VILLAIN card- or something else?

So, I’ve been thinking a lot today about @faelapis​‘s recent post (link in reblogs so this can go in tags) discussing the corrupted Steven theory, and specifically how he pointed out how in the intro... that the camera “zooms inside Steven’s heart” when transitioning to the shot that features Big Looming Pink Fella.

And I know the fandom generally refers to threatening spreads such as these as “villain cards,” since- at the time of the intro’s release in October, all of these characters were heavily implied to be antagonistic to our main characters in some way. But after seeing the first ten episodes of SUF in full, I feel we should pause and ask ourselves-

Are any of these characters really villains?

And if not, then what IS their role in the greater story of this epilogue, and more importantly- their role featured prominently in the show’s intro?

Let’s take a quick look at the characters we’ve seen already.

_

Jasper

Thus far, Jasper has played the least antagonistic part she ever has in the entire history of Steven Universe. I’d even go so far as to consider her a shaky acquaintance of Steven’s, at this point. 

But as far as her purpose in the show goes so far, Jasper is important because she is the very first person to mash it up with Pink Mode Steven. The very first person who catches a glimpse of this new ability of his to begin with. When Steven first shifted into this state, it was because she pushed him into a situation that was both emotionally and physically compromising. Jasper is every bit as stubborn as Steven. She knows exactly how to push his buttons. It’s for this reason that I don’t think he would’ve discovered his pink state without her, without her egging him on to fight.

Steven tries his best to be very patient with everyone, and yet his frustrations with Jasper’s inability to move forward (hypocrite, much?) elicited a rather jarring rush of directed anger that- before- he generally seemed to keep bottled inward. 

I get the strong sense that he didn’t allow himself to freely and openly express these sorts of “negative” emotions at all before this encounter. 

Furthermore, Jasper slapped him in the face with the biggest call-out of his mental state ever.

Jasper: “I don’t need your help. You’re the one that needs help. You think you’ve beaten me, but you’ve never beaten me on your own. You’ve always been a fusion. You’ve always had your friends because you’re nothing without them. You think everyone needs help.”

Steven: “I – I just…”

Jasper: “But it’s only you. No one is as pitiful as you.”

Every other episode of the show so far has only gone to further showcase that this is what Steven believes about himself right now. (See: Little Graduation, especially.)

And what happened with Jasper that day... was just the beginning of his slow decline.

Bluebird Azurite

This character... also isn’t big villain material. She’s barely even a threat.

Rather, Bluebird serves as a stark reminder for Steven that there are people out there that hate him for being him. Not only that, but those who would fuse for just that reason.

To hate him together.

(I must admit, I still find the notion of Steven potentially falling apart because of a lack of self-love interesting, as much as it is heartbreaking. But I already wrote that post, so moving on-)

But she also is a reflection of how Steven is resistant to change right now.

Greg: “I mean, everyone can change, but not everyone wants to.”

Steven: “Yeah...”

He used to believe in the idea of positive change wholeheartedly, and yet... I think the passing years have led him to a place where he himself is scared of it, of the unknown, of moving on from what’s comfortable, of all the nebulous what-ifs. Which is why when Bluebird shows up, he projects his own resistance on this scenario. He doubts Bluebird’s ability to change for the better because he now doubts that for himself.

Instead, I think he fears he may be changing for the worse.

I strongly believe we’re going to see Bluebird again. I just get the sense that there’s more she can bring to the table. 

“Mean” Lapis and “Nice” Lapis

Also not villains. Just obstacles.  

Similarly to Bluebird, they seem to push that “resistance to change” theme further for Steven. Some people just... are stuck in their ways. (Thankfully though, not all of them. Thanks, Freckles. Love ya lots!) 

Since Why So Blue is focused squarely on capping Lapis’ character arc, there’s not as much Steven-related meta threads I can glean from their first appearance, truth be told. 

I think we’re likely to see more from these two, as well. If they do serve a greater role in the overarching story of SUF, it isn’t complete yet. Fingers crossed!

Cactus Steven

Dear goodness, this creature is completely innocent. Poor baby. XD

This poor fella plays the role of being a physical embodiment of- at the time of Prickly Pair- Steven’s mental state, and pushing the lad to repress his turbulent emotions even further.

Throughout SUF so far, Steven has become consumed by negative self-talk, (”I used to be helpful, but the Gems don't need me anymore”), a stark reluctance to let anyone see the evidence of his mental instability, and explosive anger he cannot gain a handle on. 

And as his mirror, Cactus Steven: 

Repeats things Steven says, spilling all of that negative self-talk and the reasons why he doesn’t want to approach the Gems about his issues.

Is shoved away under a box, representing Steven’s emotional repression.

Warps into a monstrous form, explosive anger brimming at the surface.

Notably, Cactus Steven only fights in direct response to what others lay on him. He is not overtly antagonistic until Steven himself makes the first strike. Later, while the Gems are attempting to fight him back, he desperately tries pushing them away... much like Steven has been all season.

Cactus Steven: “Just... get... OUT!”

Furthermore, Steven creates him. He creates this monster. He’s the reason he becomes so messed up in the first place. That has to feel pretty awful, especially when he’s doubting his ability to be helpful nowadays. He tried to nurture this creature, and look where that got him? This furthers the narrative idea mentioned earlier, of Steven perhaps fearing that he’s now changing for the worse.

Finally, by by the end of this episode, it seems worryingly as if Steven’s reluctance to open up about his problems has solidified.

Pearl: “Is there anything you need to talk about...?”

Steven: “...I think I’ve said enough.”

_

To wrap...

We don’t yet know what role White Diamond will play, but it’s probable that it’ll be something that strongly impacts Steven in a personal way. And at this point in the show, I’m doubtful she’ll suddenly heel-turn back into villainy.  

With all this in mind, my current theory is that... 

These characters are not on this title sequence card as ‘villains’ at all, but rather, each serve as important ‘road markers’ on the path towards the eventual climax of SUF.

Meaning, Steven’s encounters with each of them will influence his way of thinking in a way that leads him further down the road towards eventual corruption. Or whatever else is waiting for him at the end.

And the camera specifically “zooms into Steven’s heart” because these characters, standing in front of that monster, represent the moments that lead him into that state. 

What we’re seeing here is a visual record of the burden he carries inside him.

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me

I’m gonna miss writing about Amethyst.

As the most sisterly Crystal Gem, a firebrand in the new role of middle child after spending millennia as the baby of the group, Amethyst’s story is about growing from a wild teen to a responsible adult. Like Steven, she feels the need to prove that she’s a Crystal Gem too, but unlike Steven, she already is a Crystal Gem, so she carries a different kind of resentment as she continues to be treated like a child. It’s made even worse by her warrior instincts clashing with her small frame: she lives with the constant anxiety that she’s a mistake, a Gem who came out wrong and doesn’t belong in her family, so she comforts and distracts herself with hedonism and shapeshifting. Her problem goes beyond not feeling respected: deep down, she fears that she doesn’t deserve respect.

But she changes her mind.

“This isn’t normal.”

The Return and Jailbreak culminated the first act of Steven Universe, giving our characters subtle achievements (Amethyst and Pearl casually fuse into Opal, Greg reveals a deeper understanding of the Gems than we once thought, Beach City comes together as a community when Steven is in danger) and huge changes (Steven summons a massive shield, Garnet’s status as a fusion is confirmed, Lapis goes from prisoner to imprisoner). While not an official finale, Beta and Earthlings culminated the second act, narrowing the focus to five characters as they each reach one milestone or another: Lapis and Amethyst find a level of peace, Peridot defends her new home, Jasper succumbs to corruption, and Steven helps his friends but fails to help his enemy.

In a way, Change Your Mind culminates the third act with an even narrower focus. Sure, it gives big moments to a ton of characters (there’s fanservice galore, and we see the three Diamonds in particular take enormous steps), but we zero in on Steven in the same way the entire act has zeroed in on Steven, because this is a story about identity. It isn’t only about who he is, but who he wants to be moving forward, and fusing all the insights he’s learned from his human family, his Crystal Gem family, and his Diamond family into a song that encapsulates his growth over the course of the series.

We start in the most lifelike of the Diamond dreams, so real that Steven still sees himself as Steven rather than embodying Pink. Once again, this connection emerges from sleeping in a location where Pink once dwelled, but while he wasn’t feeling her impatience and rage in Jungle Moon, nor her hardening resolve in Can’t Go Back, nor her whimsy in Familiar, this time they share the same headspace when they’re both locked in a tower.

Considering how bombastic things get in this episode, I love how low-key this final dream remains until White Diamond interferes. We’re as lost as Steven at first, worrying about Connie and baffled at Blue’s recognizable mood but incongruous accusations, but as the truth becomes clear, he transforms into Pink off-screen without any fanfare, both in body and in mind: Steven isn’t questioning Blue’s warning about Pink Pearl, Pink Diamond is apologizing for her own behavior in Zach Callison’s voice. Still, looking down jolts him out of it, and after seeing the Crystal Gems poofed at the ball for a more definitive Steven memory, we cycle in Rose’s horror at her family launching a final attack on Earth. The rapid-fire identity shifts that follow inspired the most haunting piece of promo art for the episode, drawn by Rebecca Sugar herself, but I didn’t wanna display it without a seizure warning.

It’s excellent exposition, hitting the highlights of the Diamonds’ many wrongs and establishing Steven’s fraying sense of self in a way that’s both artful and brief; it’s important to remind younger viewers about the stakes, but Change Your Mind doesn’t pretend that anyone should be watching this episode without context, so it doesn’t prioritize thorough explanation. And despite how frightening the nightmare becomes, Steven gains a new sense of clarity after seeing the pattern laid out in front of him. The Diamonds are hurting him in the same way they hurt his mother, and if he’s going to help everyone, he needs to help himself.

When Blue Diamond returns to the tower in modern day, Steven isn’t afraid, and he isn’t alone. The first of many puns riddling the finale emerges (“Déjà Blue!”) before Connie proves why she’s the perfect partner for our hero, platonic or otherwise. He’s terrible at confronting the people that hurt him—this would require him to acknowledge he’s hurt in the first place, which he’s also terrible at—but if she was comfortable enough with confrontation to call out her best friend when he wrongs her, Blue Diamond doesn’t stand a chance. Connie comes out swinging, loading the bases with candor and sass despite Blue’s confusion over why a human even gets an opinion about this stuff, which makes Steven’s refusal to apologize hit the Diamond like a grand slam.

I love that Steven’s flat “no” takes Connie by surprise as well as Blue, because yeah, it’s uncharacteristically blunt for someone who’s spent his entire trip to Homeworld bending over backwards like he usually does to accommodate others. When he doubles down by explaining that he isn’t sorry about creating a show that celebrates queer characters whoops sorry I mean fusion, Callison makes it sound like the most obvious thing in the world, and this is what upsets Blue enough to inflict her tears on him. We’ll learn even more about Pink’s temper in Steven Universe Future, but the simple act of not bowing to authority makes Steven “worse than ever” in Blue’s mind: violence is more acceptable than insubordination. (Also, violence in cartoons is more acceptable than queer folks just sorta existing in cartoons, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Change Your Mind is about combating bigotry and cycles of abuse, and Blue is the obvious first test. She’s a bigot who doesn’t think she’s a bigot (compared to Yellow, who doesn’t care that she’s a bigot, and White, who’s quite proud of being a bigot). She passively perpetuates a toxic status quo (compared to Yellow, who actively perpetuates it, and White, who established it in the first place). It makes sense that she’s the first of the remaining Diamonds to change her mind, because all it takes for her to realize that something is wrong is thinking about it a little harder.

This doesn’t let her off the hook, of course: Blue’s sloth—the sin, not the animal—might not look flashy next to Yellow’s wrath or White’s pride or Pink’s envy, but she still chose to do nothing for thousands of years rather than contemplate how her actions and her society might have wronged Pink. If it was this easy for Blue to realize she was hurting Pink, it makes it that much more of an issue that it took her this long to figure it out. Unintentional bigots might be the “best” option by default, but they can be just as harmful as intentional bigots, and there’s a special sort of damage that can come from an oppressor who truly believes themselves an ally.

That said, while it’s important to acknowledge her blame (emphasized here when she only stops attacking Steven when he calls her out rather than the Diamonds in general), Blue is also a victim. She’s one of the most powerful beings on Homeworld, but she’s still trapped by White Diamond, and resorts to putting others down as a means of reclaiming a sense of that power. In the same way oppressed people often turn to sexism and racism and homophobia to make themselves feel bigger, Blue (and Yellow) reinforce White’s sweeping bigotry in the same way they echo her family-specific abuse. It’s not a good coping mechanism, in this show or in the real world, but understanding the problem is key to fixing it.

So it still feels like a victory when Blue turns, even though it should’ve happened ages ago, and even though she’s a tyrant. She isn’t just deciding to help Steven, she’s breaking out of that cycle in a way that allows for growth beyond our hero’s immediate concerns. Lisa Hannigan captures this transformation beautifully, shifting from manipulative whining about Pink’s behavior to a crushing realization that she’s the one who’s wrong. And even as she joins Steven’s side, she remains weighed down by her longstanding prejudice: Hannigan stutters as she refers to the Crystal Gems as his family, and her triumphant defense of Steven’s name to Yellow comes with the caveat that she’s still misgendering him.

But before we get to Yellow, we take a pit stop that grounds us back to Steven and Connie’s hunger. It may seem small, but this is a critical moment in establishing Steven’s humanity in a way the show has quietly done from day one: with food.

The very first scene of Steven Universe establishes our hero’s human half in a donut shop, upset about dessert. From there, the next five episodes drill in that Steven will take a unique approach to his magical Gem heritage, and they all involve food in a major way: Cookie Cats, then his father’s saying about pork chops and hot dogs, then the Cheeseburger Backpack (important enough to be the episode’s name), then the Together Breakfast (ditto), then creating a monster based on fries.

It’s not just Steven, either. The first few Connie episodes involve eating and drinking in ways that show hints of growth (worrying about trans fats, then sneaking food into movie theaters) and mark key moments in her life (sharing a juicebox, taking her parents to dinner). Lars’s development is tied with his love of baking, and on top of him and Sadie working at the Big Donut, the Frymans and the Pizzas are so tied to their food service jobs that it’s in their names. And speaking of names, we’ve got Vidalia calling her sons Sour Cream and Onion. It even extends to the Gems: Amethyst’s connection with Earth means she loves food, and Pearl’s greater distance from humanity means she can’t stomach it.

Food is fundamentally something that humans require and Gems don’t, and just like we saw in Lars’s Head, Steven’s physical body forces him to think about his own needs despite his usual focus on others. Both his humanity and his ability to stand up for himself are key to his eventual victory, and what could’ve been a generic transition between Blue and Yellow’s big scenes instead becomes a quiet Steven scene. Steven changing into his usual clothes (including his mom’s star) and Connie changing into her own outfit (including her dad’s jacket) is the perfect finishing touch before we dive back into the drama.

True to their natures, Yellow Diamond gets a starker introduction than Blue’s dream sequence: as the lights burst on, we get two shots focusing on a horrifying number of mutated Gem Shards floating around in the room, then the Crystal Gems’ thankfully intact gems in one big bubble, before panning down to the villain who caused all this pain. The menace is palpable before she even opens her mouth, but Patti LuPone’s low tone keeps the mood from boiling over just long enough that when she loses her cool, it hits like a freight train.

Blue’s passive bigotry endured because she lacked introspection, but Yellow’s active bigotry requires constantly justifying actions she knows are cruel by presenting it as a matter of superior reasoning. We’ve known from her first appearance that Yellow’s seething fury undermines her reputation for cold logic, and now more than ever the connection between her behavior and that of “sophisticated” bigots is clear. You know the type: openly, smugly hateful, but couching their hate as something derived from some deep knowledge about the subject, whether in religious convictions or whatever “science” they can scrape together to confirm their worldview.

Sure enough, even in her rage, Yellow lays down what she sees as a rational explanation for why it was okay to mistreat Pink, and why it’s okay that they themselves are mistreated: if they make exceptions for anyone, even other Diamonds, they must make exceptions for everyone, and chaos reigns. Besides the slippery slope being a fallacy, her argument is punctured by Connie’s second big retort of the night, pointing out that this extreme conclusion of Homeworld Gems living free actually sounds pretty nice. But you can’t force this type of bigot to change their mind through reason; if such a person was actually interested in logical worldviews, they wouldn’t have become a bigot in the first place. You need to change their heart.

Fortunately, emotions are Blue’s domain, so she’s just the person to help. Unfortunately, in the same way she still can’t get Steven’s pronouns right, Blue lacks experience with healthy communication, and strikes a first blow against Yellow on instinct. The ensuing brawl is brutal, switching between the massive scale of two warring titans and the smaller scale of Steven and Connie scrambling to save the Crystal Gems as Blue and Yellow unload millennia of baggage on each other. It’s so important that Blue is the physical instigator here, as it fuels Yellow’s white-hot self-righteous streak like nothing else, and it keeps the fight from being one-sided all the way through: Yellow pretty much needs to be the one dealing the final blow for the scene to stick, so it gets balanced out by Blue’s opening punch.

Blue uses her powers on Yellow, and Yellow uses her powers on Blue, but Steven’s power is talking. So just like with Blue’s conversion, Connie gets the opening words while Steven gets the finisher. When he finally gets her attention after being ignored throughout the scene, he makes Yellow listen to him by using the same food-based expression I mentioned from all the way back in Laser Light Cannon. It’d pack a bigger punch if Greg said “If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs” at literally any other point in the show, but it still does the trick.

Blue was emotionally ready to accept that Pink was suffering, but hadn’t considered the Diamonds’ role in that suffering. Yellow knew that Pink suffered thanks to the Diamonds, but suppressed her emotions to the point where she couldn’t empathize with her sister’s plight. Blue needed to be more thoughtful to change, and Yellow needed to be more in touch with her emotions to change, and thus the stage is set for the Battle of Heart and Mind against White Diamond.

Except that this isn’t the lesson of Change Your Mind. Blue and Yellow show that some bigots can be reached, which is great! But despite their differences, Steven uses the same basic strategy in both: he doesn’t let them belittle his identity, he confidently dispels their wrongheaded assumptions, and he gets help from allies instead of shouldering the burden himself. We spend the beginning of the episode seeing that in the right circumstances this approach can work, but from here we’ll see that with some bigots, it’s a non-starter.

So long as you can engage with bigots while maintaining your self-respect, it can be good work to try and help them see the light. It’s not an obligation, but if you want to change hearts and minds, Steven provides a good template for how to do it. Now the rest of the episode can focus on the bigger lesson: if someone refuses to respect your humanity when you’re steadfast and forthright, it isn’t your job to breathe in their poison, or to hold your breath until you asphyxiate waiting for change.

But more on that after the break!

I Can’t Believe We’ve Come So Far

As we reach the end of the original series, it would be criminal not to acknowledge three long-time storyboarders who are on their way out. This isn’t their final contribution to the series, as only one of Change Your Mind’s twelve credited writer/boarders didn’t go on to work on The Movie in some way (Christine Liu, whose tenure was brief but great), and Hilary Florido stayed on as a supervisor for Future. But I wanted to write the big sendoffs here, as this is the last proper “episode” that these three worked on as regular boarders. So it’s time to say goodbye to Katie Mitroff, Hilary Florido, and Jeff Liu.

First up is Katie Mitroff, who clocked two early knockouts with Alone Together and The Test alongside Florido. Mitroff’n’Florido went on to make other classics like Maximum Capacity and Joy Ride before the former teamed up with Lamar Abrams and the latter teamed up with Jesse Zuke for their next batch of episodes.

With Abrams, Mitroff deepened the lore of the show with We Need to Talk, Steven’s Birthday, Bismuth, Buddy’s Book, Three Gems and a Baby, and especially The Answer. She gave us the harrowing revelation of Back to the Moon, and the most ridiculous episode of the series, Restaurant Wars. Her final partner was Paul Villeco, finishing strong with The Trial, Back to the Kindergarten, Your Mother and Mine, Pool Hopping, What’s Your Problem?, Reunited, and Change Your Mind, 100% of which are either in my Love ‘em ranking or my Top Episodes. (Oh, sorry, spoiler alert I love Change Your Mind.)

It’s strange, because she didn’t work on any of the major episodes of Amethyst’s big arc at the end of Season 3, but Mitroff is one of my favorite Amethyst boarders: she’s the consistent thread between Maximum Capacity, Back to the Moon, and What’s Your Problem?, three cornerstones of the character. She excelled at going outside the show’s usual style, as seen in The Answer and Your Mother and Mine, and it’s no coincidence she helped animate Isn’t It Love? to bring Cotton Candy Garnet back for one last ride.

Katie Mitroff is an absolute rock star, I wish her well and you should too.

[jenniferisacommonname]

Bonus Level Unlocked

This week marks the release of Jason Schreier’s Press Reset, an incredibly well-researched book on catastrophic business failure in the gaming industry. Jason’s a good dude, and there’s an excerpt here if you want to check it out. Sadly, game companies going belly-up is such a common occurrence that he couldn’t possibly include them all, and one of the stories left out due to space constraints is one that I happen to be personally familiar with. So, I figured I’d tell it here.

I began working at Acclaim Studios Austin as a sound designer in January of 2000. It was a tumultuous period for the company, including a recent rebranding from their former studio name, “Iguana Entertainment,” and a related, ongoing lawsuit from the ex-founder of Iguana. There were a fair number of ghosts hanging around—the creative director’s license plate read IGUANA, which he never changed, and one of the meeting rooms held a large, empty terrarium—but the studio had actually been owned on paper by Acclaim since 1995, and I didn’t notice any conflicting loyalties. Everyone acted as if we always had been, and always would be, Acclaim employees.

Over the next few years I worked on a respectable array of triple-A titles, including Quarterback Club 2002, Turok: Evolution, and All-Star Baseball 2002 through 2005. (Should it be “All-Stars Baseball,” like attorneys general? Or perhaps a term of venery, like “a zodiac of All-Star Baseball.”) At any rate, it was a fun place to work, and a platformer of hijinks ensued.

But let’s skip to the cutscene. The truth is that none of us in the trenches suspected the end was near until it was absolutely imminent. Yes, Turok: Evolution and Vexx had underperformed, especially when stacked against the cost of development, but games flop in the retail market all the time. And, yes, Showdown: Legends of Wrestling had been hustled out the door before it was ready for reasons no one would explain, and the New York studio’s release of a BMX game featuring unlockable live-action stripper footage had been an incredibly weird marketing ploy for what should have been a straightforward racing title. (Other desperate gimmicks around this time included a £6,000 prize for UK parents who would name their baby “Turok,” an offer to pay off speeding tickets to promote Burnout 2 that quickly proved illegal, and an attempt to buy advertising space on actual tombstones for a Shadow Man sequel.)

But the baseball franchise was an annual moneymaker, and our studio had teams well into development on two major new licenses, 100 Bullets and The Red Star. Enthusiasm was on the upswing. Perhaps I should have paid closer attention when voice actors started calling me to complain that they hadn’t been paid, but at the time it seemed more like a bureaucratic failure than an actual money shortage—and frankly, it was a little naïve of them to expect net-30 in the first place. Industry standard was, like, net-90 at best. So I was told.

Then one Friday afternoon, a few department managers got word that we’d kind of maybe been skipping out on the building lease for let’s-not-admit-how-many months. By Monday morning, everyone’s key cards had been deactivated.

It's a little odd to arrive at work and find a hundred-plus people milling around outside—even odder, I suppose, if your company is not the one being evicted. Acclaim folks mostly just rolled their eyes and debated whether to cut our losses and head to lunch now, while employees of other companies would look dumbfounded and fearful before being encouraged to push their way through the crowd and demonstrate their still-valid key card to the security guard. Finally, the General Manager (hired only a few months earlier, and with a hefty relocation bonus to accommodate his houseboat) announced that we should go home for the day and await news. Several of our coworkers were veterans of the layoff process—like I said, game companies go under a lot—and one of them had already created a Yahoo group to communicate with each other on the assumption that we’d lose access to our work email. A whisper of “get on the VPN and download while you can” rippled through the crowd.

But the real shift in tone came after someone asked about a quick trip inside for personal items, and the answer was a hard, universal “no.” We may have been too busy or ignorant to glance up at any wall-writing, but the building management had not been: they were anticipating a full bankruptcy of the entire company. In that situation, all creditors have equal standing to divide up a company's assets in lengthy court battles, and most get a fraction of what they’re owed. But if the landlords had seized our office contents in lieu of rent before the bankruptcy was declared, they reasoned, then a judge might rule that they had gotten to the treasure chest first, and could lay claim to everything inside as separate from the upcoming asset liquidation.

Ultimately, their gambit failed, but the ruling took a month to settle. In the meantime, knick knacks gathered dust, delivered packages piled up, food rotted on desks, and fish tanks became graveyards. Despite raucous protest from every angle—the office pets alone generated numerous threats of animal cruelty charges—only one employee managed to get in during this time, and only under police escort. He was a British citizen on a work visa, and his paperwork happened to be sitting on his desk, due to expire. Without it, he was facing literal deportation. Fortunately, a uniformed officer took his side (or perhaps just pre-responded to what was clearly a misdemeanor assault in ovo,) and after some tense discussion, the building manager relented, on the condition that the employee touch absolutely nothing beyond the paperwork in question. The forms could go, but the photos of his children would remain.

It’s also a little odd, by the way, to arrive at the unemployment office and find every plastic chair occupied by someone you know. Even odder, I suppose, if you’re actually a former employee of Acclaim Studios Salt Lake, which had shut down only a month or two earlier, and you just uprooted your wife and kids to a whole new city on the assurance that you were one of the lucky ones who got to stay employed. Some of them hadn’t even finished unpacking.

Eventually, we were allowed to enter the old office building one at a time and box up our things under the watchful eye of a court appointee, but by then our list of grievances made the landlords’ ploy seem almost quaint by comparison (except for the animals, which remains un-fucking-forgivable.) We had learned, for example, that in the weeks prior to the bankruptcy, our primary lender had made an offer of $15 million—enough to keep us solvent through our next batch of releases, two of which had already exited playtesting and were ready to be burned and shipped. The only catch was that the head of the board, company founder Greg Fischbach, would have to step down. This was apparently too much of an insult for him to stomach, and he decided that he'd rather see everything burn to the ground. The loan was refused.

Other “way worse than we thought” details included gratuitous self-dealing to vendors owned by board members, the disappearance of expensive art from the New York offices just before closure, and the theft of our last two paychecks. For UK employees, it was even more appalling: Acclaim had, for who knows how long, been withdrawing money from UK paychecks for their government-required pension funds, but never actually putting the money into the retirement accounts. They had stolen tens of thousands of dollars directly from each worker.

Though I generally reside somewhere between mellow and complete doormat on the emotional spectrum, I did get riled enough to send out one bitter email—not to anyone in corporate, but to the creators of a popular webcomic called Penny Arcade, who, in the wake of Acclaim’s bankruptcy announcement, published a milquetoast jibe about Midway’s upcoming Area 51. I told Jerry (a.k.a. “Tycho”) that I was frankly disappointed in their lack of cruelty, and aired as much dirty laundry as I was privy to at the time.

“Surely you can find a comedic gem hidden somewhere in all of this!” I wrote. “Our inevitable mocking on PA has been a small light at the end of a very dark, very long tunnel. Please at least allow us the dignity of having a smile on our faces while we wait in line for food stamps.”

Two days later, a suitably grim comic did appear, implying the existence of a new release from Acclaim whose objective was to run your game company into the ground. In the accompanying news post, Tycho wrote:

“We couldn’t let the Acclaim bankruptcy go without comment, though we initially let it slide thinking about the ordinary gamers who lost their jobs there. They don’t have anything to do with Acclaim’s malevolent Public Relations mongrels, and it wasn’t they who hatched the Titty Bike genre either. Then, we remembered that we have absolutely zero social conscience and love to say mean things.”

Another odd experience, by the way, is digging up a 16-year-old complaint to a webcomic creator for nostalgic reference when you offer that same creator a promotional copy of the gaming memoir you just co-wrote with Sid Meier. Even odder, I suppose, to realize that the original non-Acclaim comic had been about Area 51, which you actually were hired to work on yourself soon after the Acclaim debacle.*

As is often the case in complex bankruptcies, the asset liquidation took another six years to fully stagger its way through court—but in 2010, we did, surprisingly, get the ancient paychecks we were owed, plus an extra $1,700-ish for the company’s apparent violation of the WARN Act. By then, I had two kids and a very different life, for which the money was admittedly helpful. Sadly, Acclaim’s implosion probably isn’t even the most egregious one on record. Our sins were, to my knowledge, all money-related, and at least no one was ever sexually assaulted in our office building. Again, to my knowledge. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure we remain the only historical incident of corporate pet murder. The iguana got out just in time.

*Area 51’s main character was voiced by David Duchovny, and he actually got paid—which was lucky for him, because three years later, Midway also declared bankruptcy.

[ravens-words]

Prelude to Light, Part 4 of 6

Five times Michael watched, and pined away after, Alex interacting with others' kids and the one time it was their kid.

On AO3

AN: Funny story, I may or may not have forgotten to post this chapter three days ago. So, sorry for the delay!

Also, I'm so so nervous about this chapter.

....

"Knock knock!"

Isobel poked her head in and Michael grinned, nervousness forgotten. His smile broadened when Max followed her in, both of them smiling widely at him. 

He spread his arms to the side. "How do I look?"

"You look great, Michael," Isobel said, voice thick with tears. She was clearly trying very hard not to cry, and Max, when Michael chanced a look at him, wasn't faring any better. 

Isobel pulled him into a tight hug, then patted his cheek with a watery smile and stepped aside. Max took her place, pulling him into a bear hug. 

"I'm so proud of you," Max whispered into his ear. "And I am so happy for you, Michael."

Michael sniffled. "Thank you. Now get off me, you big lug," he whined playfully.

Max pulled back and rolled his eyes, shoving Michael gently.

"We'll see you out there," Max said with a grin. His brother put an arm around their sister's shoulder and steered her out of the room.

Michael took a deep breath, blew it out slowly and tried to contain the mess of emotions he was feeling.

He smoothed a hand down his suit jacket, straightening out imaginary wrinkles. 

"Michael?"

"Liz?" 

His sister-in-law came in and closed the door behind her gently. She had her heels in one hand, and the other one was resting on her prominent baby bump. When she turned around, she was smiling. It only took a few seconds for her to tear up and Michael chuckled and went over to hug her. 

She squeezed him within an inch of his life, and when she let him go, she smoothed a hand down his shoulders to his arms. "Look at you!" She exclaimed tearfully. "You look so handsome, Mikey."

"It's just a suit," he teased her gently. "You've seen me wear a suit before, Lizzy."

She swatted his arm and huffed when her phone buzzed in her hand. She muttered a few curses in Spanish. Michael rested his hand on her belly and frowned in mock disapproval. "Little ears, Liz."

She rolled her eyes. "Your brother is driving me insane." She took his hand and walked them both over to the chairs in the corner of the room. She sat down, and put her feet up on his thighs. "He keeps telling me to rest. Do you know what we fought about this morning?"

He couldn't keep an amused smile off his face. "What?"

"Heels. We fought about heels, Michael." She huffed.

"Why?"

"He didn't want me to wear them because, apparently they're bad for my back."

Michael looked pointedly at said heels, which she'd abandoned by the door, and then at her with a pointed lift of his eyebrows. 

She shrugged sheepishly. "They're so pretty! And who knows when I'll be able to wear them again."

He laughed and she chuckled along with him, hand rubbing absentmindedly at her belly. "How are you feeling?"

Their eyes locked and he realized with a jolt that she'd been distracting him, and that it had worked. 

"Excited." She raised an eyebrow and he deflated. "Nervous, terrified" he admitted, a little ashamed.

She settled her legs on the floor and leaned, a little awkwardly, to hold his hand with her smaller ones. "You know, I was so nervous before my wedding, I was nearly vibrating out of my skin."

He let out a breath. "Yeah?"

She smiled, her nose crinkled, and Michael couldn't help but smile too. "Oh yeah, but the minute you see him, it'll all go away."

He slid closer and hugged her, albeit awkwardly considering their positions.

Her phone rang and she smiled, exasperated and fond in equal measures. "Hi, babe," she answered. "I'm resting my feet like you told me to," she protested, then laughed at whatever Max said in reply. She stood up with a groan. "I'm fine, Max! I'm pregnant, not an invalid."

When she was at the door, she opened it, stepped out and then came back in. "Oh, and Mikey?" She smirked. "You look good."

He laughed. "Get out of here!"

.

This is the first day of my life

Swear I was born right in the doorway

I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed

They're spreading blankets on the beach

Michael had Alex's hand in his, while the other was on his shoulder. It was a bit hard to dance slow to this song, but they didn't care, and they made it work somehow. 

Yours was the first face that I saw

I think I was blind before I met you

And I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been

But I know where I want to go

"I love this song," Alex told him with a grin.

"And thank god for that." Michael leaned in close, the beginning of a teasing grin appearing on his face. "If you hadn't, we'd probably still be arguing over which song to dance to."

Alex huffed. "You didn't like any of my suggestions either, you know."

Michael chuckled and placed a chaste kiss on Alex's lips, then his cheek. He felt him smile and his own smile widened. 

So if you wanna be with me

With these things there's no telling

We just have to wait and see

But I'd rather be working for a paycheck

Than waiting to win the lottery, ah-ha, mm-hmm

Besides, maybe this time is different

I mean, I really think you like me

The song ended, and they stayed in each other's arms, swaying slowly and lost in each other's arms. 

Michael felt small hands push at his legs and when he looked down, he saw their four year old niece poking his leg insistently. He and Alex separated and crouched down to her level. She ignored Michael in favor of snuggling into Alex's arms, and his husband- Michael was sure he was never getting tired of saying that- sent him a smug smile from over Gemma's head. They stood up slowly and Michael put a subtle hand on Alex's back, just in case he needed a bit of support.

The second they were both standing, she held her hands up to Alex and said, "I wanna dance now," with all the authority her three feet tall body could muster. 

Michael stifled a laugh and watched adoringly as Alex picked up the little girl with an exaggerated groan. 

Michael stroked a hand down her hair, though he made sure not to mess it up, and smiled when she glanced at him. "Hey, Gem, can I dance with you?"

"No," she said decisively.

Michael clutched his chest in mild hurt and pouted. Gemma huffed and patted his cheek. "It's okay, uncle Michael; don't be sad. I'll dance with you, too." He gave the laughing Alex a smug smile and made to take her out of his arms, but the little girl pushed his hand away. He spluttered and watched her lay her head on Alex's shoulder. The other man shrugged, his shoulders shaking with laughter.

Michael huffed and stepped aside, watched Alex hug the little girl close and whisper something to her that made her giggle. He looked around, and when he spotted the water bottle at the nearest table, he realized how thirsty he was. He went to grab it, but then he was intercepted by his sister. "Let's dance," she said as she dragged him back to the dance floor. 

Michael groaned. "Now I know where Gemma gets it from," he muttered, as he allowed her to tow him behind her.

The song playing was slow, and it wasn't one he recognized. Alex was now twirling a giggling Gemma, who seemed to be having the time of her life. 

"Pigs are flying, aren't they, Michael?"

"Hmm," he said, but a second later the words registered and he tore his eyes away from the adorable sight of his husband and his niece dancing. "Cute," he told her, rolling his eyes.

"I'd be offended by you ignoring me, but I know exactly what it's like to see the guy you love with kids," she sympathized, a shit-eating grin on her face. Michael definitely did not blush, but he did roll his eyes. "It does things to ya."

"Shut up."

She suddenly laughed, and when he followed her line of sight, he joined her. Gemma seemed to be teaching Alex a dance, albeit clumsily, and his husband was definitely stifling a laugh as he tried to imitate her moves.

"Aw, she's such a spaz," she said fondly. 

Michael shook his head at her and laughed. Greg came over to them, their two month old baby sleeping in one arm and wrapped the other around Isobel. She smiled and leaned back into his embrace, closing her eyes when he kissed her cheek. Michael smiled, thankful beyond measure that she'd found someone who loved her like she deserved.

The beginning notes of a familiar song replaced the slow one, and Michael grinned when Liz, Rosa and Maria came rushing onto the dance floor, dragging a reluctant Max and an amused Kyle with them. The nine of them, plus Gemma, started jumping around and dancing like kids to the cheerful notes of Mrs' Potter's Lullaby. 

Alex, who had somehow been able to learn Gem's dance, was dancing with the little girl, both of them laughing so hard he was surprised they were still standing.

Michael stopped dancing altogether and just stared at his husband.  Alex's tie, along with his suit jacket, had been abandoned on some chair in the room, his sleeves were rolled up till his elbows, and his hair was disheveled in a way that no one else could pull off. Smiling and laughing, Michael could safely say he'd never seen him so happy as he was now. 

He made his way to him, and saw Gemma hug Alex's legs. She looked up at him with a look of pure adoration, and he returned it tenfold. 

He couldn't help but picture him like that with their own kids. His heart ached for it; for the possibility of having their own little family someday in the future. 

"Hey," Alex called out to him over the music, hand extended towards him and fingers wiggling impatiently to have his own wrapped around them. He pulled him close and pressed a sweet, lingering kiss to his cheek, then carded his hand through Michael's hair. 

Michael smiled and leaned in, kissing him tenderly and leaning his forehead oh his husband's temple. "I love you so much, Alex."

"I love you, too."

Michael leaned his head on Alex's shoulder, closed his eyes, and smiled. He'd just married the love of his life, he was surrounded by their family, and he was truly happy.

For now, it was way more than enough.

[love-takes-work]

The evolution of Garnet’s Questions

With the excitement surrounding Garnet asking questions again after getting reset in Steven Universe: The Movie (and the related popularity of my GIFset depicting some of the questions!), I thought I’d offer some nuanced commentary.

Some context:

You probably already know that multiple behind-the-scenes statements from creator Rebecca Sugar (and Ian Jones-Quartey, and Hilary Florido, and Kat Morris, and several others) indicate that they write Garnet as deliberately avoiding spoken questions in her dialogue.

What this covers:

Garnet does not speak questions. That includes rhetorical questions--anything with a question mark, she does not speak, unless it’s a mistake. (There have been a handful of those. Rebecca takes responsibility for “Can’t you see that my relationship is stable?” Yes, that counts as a question and shouldn’t have been phrased that way, she says.)

What this does NOT cover: 

Requesting information in non-question form (”Tell me where X is” instead of “where is X?”). Questioning herself internally. Expressing uncertainty. Admitting that she doesn’t know. Wondering and doubting herself.

Some history:

Garnet adopted this behavior because of something Rose said to her shortly after she became a Fusion.

“No more questions. Never question this. You already are the answer.”

Garnet took this extremely literally and used it as the basis of who she wanted to become. This is the first experience she’s had as a Fusion interacting with other Gems who didn’t call her disgusting, and having someone AFFIRM HER LIFE was incredible for her. She could leave confusion behind and just BE the answer. That was the confidence and pride Garnet wanted to embody.

A common theory:

After Pearl’s revelations in “A Single Pale Rose,” we learn that Rose, as Pink Diamond, had the ability to effectively gag Pearl with her orders. Because Pearl’s ability to speak of certain subjects was then forever altered, it was only natural that some folks wondered if a similar spell had been cast on Garnet. Considering the emphasis and the way it also altered her speech patterns forevermore, it was a decent theory.

However, it has been debunked by Crewniverse member Joe Johnston.

Joe answered on May 8, 2018:

offcoloured asked: hi joe! quick q, did Pink have a power over gems that binds their free will? i ask because of how Pearl obviously cannot physically speak of the past

This is more a function of how Pearls work. Since they are specially made for their owners, they are duty bound or I guess “programed” to follow the orders of their masters.

Joe answered on May 10, 2018:

Anonymous asked: Wait if the command only worked that way because Pearl is a pearl, why can't Garnet ask questions now?

If some one amazing came along and changed your world view and told you never to doubt yourself or question yourself, and it you took that encouragement and self love and imbedded it deep in your being, would you ask questions?

Joe answered on May 10, 2018:

melodicdragon97 asked: So we know that Rose is able to order Pearl around if Rose so chooses to (and that Pearl only has to obey her IF Rose orders her to). I just want to know if Pearl is the only one Rose is capable of ordering around in that way (forcing someone to do something). Is it part of her being a Diamond, or does it only apply to Pearl?

It only applies to Pearl.

BECAUSE our Pearl was made for Pink Diamond, she must follow her orders.

Rose did not have this power or control over anyone else, and its ONLY because Pearl was made for her that Pink/Rose had this power over her. Pink is a Diamond, she could order around lots of gems, but they follow because of hierarchy, not because the Diamonds are mind controlling them. Is this making sense? I’m try to clear this up for everybody, but people still seem confused.

Folks, Joe has doubled and tripled down on this. When they wrote “The Answer,” they thought we would see how Garnet used Rose’s emphatic encouragement to become confident and true to herself, but instead people made this connection and saw it as a tragedy or a trap or a spell--something Garnet was suffering from, something she no longer had the ability to do.

And now that the movie reset returned Garnet to her bundle-of-questions self from before “The Answer,” people are in my notes dozens of times talking about “Pink’s order” and “Rose’s spell” again, seeing Garnet’s wide-eyed cluelessness as adorable and representative of freedom.

Look, baby Garnet is cute as hell. It’s funny, like Pearl devoting herself to “Um Greg Universe” and Amethyst copying everything others say and do. But this isn’t “her true self” before Rose stole something from her. This is her before she learned everything about herself and her relationship, and while it’s novel and fun to see her like this for a change, this isn’t a “free” version of Garnet to contrast with a trapped one.

Garnet returned to herself at her realization of “the truth” because TRUTH is what’s brought her to her current self. When Garnet realized the lie that had been present underneath the foundation of her relationship, she fell apart and reexamined it.

And then, Ruby and Sapphire realized that when they finally did ask “The Question,” the answer was still the same.

Their love, their relationship, their history, their confidence they’ve built as Garnet, HER leadership, HER sorrow and pain and joy, all of this that belongs to her in confidence and solidity and wisdom . . . it’s something she earned. 

When she was a wide-eyed cotton candy Fusion in that garden being told not to question herself, she jumped to an easy answer, but over all this time she’s been herself, she’s been becoming someone who never existed before. SHE defined who that was, and it takes confidence and truth to do something like that when you come from a society like the Gem society. She’s probably more free as Garnet than she ever could have been as Ruby or as Sapphire because both have such strong programming, but Garnet? She’s the first of her kind and she forged her new identity bravely.

Garnet still chooses to avoid questions to this day. Like many things she thought Rose gave her back in the day, she’s made it hers.

Please don’t process this speech pattern as a tragedy, or as evidence of brainwashing, or as a failure to question when she should. This is something uniquely Garnet’s; after all, Ruby and Sapphire still both ask questions when they’re unfused. Her confidence and her love is real, and it was always hers--just like Steven had to travel a winding path to find out he was himself all along, she took a difficult road to finding her truth, but she found it: ALL ALONG she was a leader even when she thought she was a follower, and ALL ALONG she was an incredible new beginning for Gems who wanted to escape utterly into something entirely new that belonged to them.

She CHOOSES not to ask questions. It’s a positive choice and an outward expression of confidence. I love the way this is celebrated in the show, and how effective it is at making her seem so different when they take it away from her. Her restoration was in TRUTH, not just love. The truth was always there in her answer to the question. When the last lie was peeled away, Garnet survived it. She turned something that started as a falsehood into something she could live by. 

And that’s why she still does.

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 4: Bluebird (originally published on December 28, 2020)

Author's note: We're at the halfway point of Part 1 here, two antagonists return for vengeance on Steven, but is there more to this than just screwing with him? We'll just have to wait and see!

Synopsis: A pair of old foes return, and Steven learns that he can't change everyone.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl

Larissa Gallagher as Bluebird Azurite

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball

Shelby Rabara as Peridot

Jennifer Paz as Lapis Lazuli

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Tom Scharpling as Greg

Michelle Maryk as Larimar

Kimberly Brooks as Cherry Quartz

Martha Higerada as Topaz

Ted Leo as Steg

--

"Hello there, all you Gems out there in the universe!" Steven announced as he warped into Little Homeworld as part of a commercial for Little Homeschool. "Has this new era for our universe gotten you all lost and confused? Well, come on down to Little Homeschool!"

"Are you used to destroying things?" Steven continued speaking as he walked in on Lapis making a sculpture, and Lapis just turned her head to him. "Then try learning to be constructive instead!"

Next, Steven stood with Peridot in a cornfield. "Are you used to plotting? Then come tend to this big plot of land!"

Finally, the camera closed in on Steven's face. "Feeling lost without the Diamonds telling you what to do?" he asked as the camera zoomed out to show him doing a yoga pose with Garnet. "Then we can help you find your inner center!"

As the ad concluded, Steven posed with Peridot, Little Larimar, and Angel Aura Quartz at Little Homeworld. "Everyone deserves an opportunity to grow, so come on down to Little Homeschool today!" he exclaimed. "And cut! Thanks for helping out everyone."

"I'm an actor." Larimar said.

"I'll get home and get some editing done." Steven said, preparing to walk away with the camera when Peridot stepped up from behind. "Anything you need now, Peri?"

"Steven, you smell good." Peridot innocently complimented Steven with two thumbs up, much to his confusion.

"I'm sorry, what?" Steven asked the green Gem.

"That's what your back told me to do." Peridot explained before she took a crudely written note with that exact message off Steven's back. "See, you wrote this yourself!"

"No, I didn't." Steven claimed as he took a sip from a box, but realized too late what he was drinking. "Tomato soup?!" he gagged.

"I thought you loved that stuff!" Peridot assumed.

"Yeah but, where did my juice go?" Steven wondered. Suddenly, a roll of toilet paper rolled away from the Dondai Supremo, and it was covered in more rolls. "Oh no!" Steven yelled in surprise. "The Dondai's been….covered in toilet paper?"

The mystery prankster was nowhere to be seen, with only their cheeky laughter as a calling card.

"Okay, whoever's pranking me, you got a really weird idea of how to do it!" Steven called out for his new opponent. "Where did they even get this much toilet paper?"

--

A little while later, Steven drove his now toilet paper-free car back home, where he noticed the front porch all decorated and music coming from inside.

"Another welcome party?" Steven muttered while noticing the welcome banner above his front door. "Oh, a new Gem must've come!"

As Steven walked inside, another banner saying 'Welcome Bluebird' hung over him and a piñata in his image were not too far away. Speaking with Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl was an unknown Gem with a burgundy bowl-cut, four legs, a pair of wings, and a suit jacket that was red on one side & blue on the other.

"Oh, hello Steven, our new friend here really wants to meet you." Pearl greeted Steven.

"Yeah, come over here and introduce yourself!" Amethyst added.

"Welcome to Earth." Steven greeted the new Gem politely. "My name's-"

"Of course I know who you are. Everyone does!" the new Gem interrupted him in a Cockney accent as she turned around to reveal that she was a fusion and had both her components' gems on her face. But they were two Gems that Steven recognized a little too well. In place of the fusion's left eye was a Ruby, and beneath it was an Aquamarine. "The old Gem savior himself, Steven Universe. Bluebird Azurite at your service." she declared before hugging him. "Come on now, give us a hug!"

"Cute." Garnet grinned.

"Oh, you like food, yes?" Bluebird asked a very unnerved Steven.

"Uh, yeah?" Steven replied sheepishly.

"Well sit tight then, I'll be right back!" Bluebird said before she flew away.

"What?!" Steven yelled.

"Yeah, she's just got here and already knows what she wants to do in life." Topaz said as she appeared next to Steven. "Isn't that great?"

"Don't you find this weird that the Gem who treated you like trash is suddenly all nice now?" Steven asked the big yellow fusion. "Why are you so chill?!"

"That was the past, Steven." Topaz assured Steven. "This is now, all thanks to you."

Just then, Bluebird returned to Steven with a plate of food. However, all of them were known to cause allergic reactions in people, as he observed.

"What's all this?" Steven asked.

"Why, it's food, of course!" Bluebird said as she presented the platter. "Clams, peanut butter, with a side of grass! Go on, try it."

"Yeah, don't wanna keep her waiting." Amethyst convinced Steven to try the dish.

"S-sure, I'll just dip this here." Steven reluctantly obliged, and took a bite of the grass. "Mmm!"

"Is it good?" Bluebird asked him.

"Yeah, I love it!" Steven fibbed in an attempt to keep their guest happy.

"Brilliant." Bluebird added with a cheeky grin.

"Can I see you guys in the bathroom?" Steven asked the Crystal Gems.

--

Greg was busy combing his hair in the bathroom when his son knocked on the door.

"Dad, it's Steven." Steven called for his dad. "We're gonna need you to let us in, emergency meeting."

After Greg let his son and friends in, Steven sat the Gems down to tell them what he thought of Bluebird. "Gems, I don't want to alarm you, but I think Bluebird may be a fusion of Aquamarine and Eyeball!"

"Uh, duh!" Amethyst exclaimed.

"It was incredibly obvious." Garnet added.

"Well, why are you guys so blasé about this?" Steven asked his guardians. "Did you suddenly forget when Aquamarine & Topaz came down to capture all my friends, and I had to surrender myself to save them? Or what about when Eyeball tried to kill me when we were stuck in space together? She also ratted me out during my trial!"

"Like Topaz said, that was then, and this is now." Pearl calmly assured him. "Besides, aren't you contradicting yourself a bit right now? I mean-"

"But I'm pretty sure they pranked me earlier at Little Homeworld." Steven explained. "They put a sign on my back saying I smelled good, switched my drink with tomato soup, and covered my car with neatly-stacked toilet paper."

"None of that seems particularly malicious," Garnet said. "Heck, Amethyst probably did one of those things at some point."

"It's true!" Amethyst responded. "There was this one time before you were born where Rose and I threw toilet paper all over town because Greg told us about it!"

"Besides, don't you like tomato soup?" Greg asked his son.

"Yeah, but don't you find it weird that she knew where I lived?" Steven asked.

"Steven, you've literally invited all problematic Gems across the universe to come to Earth and learn a better way of living." Pearl bluntly said.

"Listen Schtu-ball, if you don't like this new Gem, that's perfectly okay." Greg stated. "Just don't be so upfront about it and hurt her feelings."

"No, you're right guys." Steven agreed. "Everyone deserves a second chance."

"But if she really is more than she seems," Garnet declared. "we'll come in and squash her!"

"Thanks Garnet." Steven smiled at his favorite fusion before returning to the living room.

--

As Steven walked out of the bathroom, while the other Gems and Greg poked their heads outside, he found Bluebird chatting it up with Topaz by the couch. "Hey Bluebird!"

"Oh, hello Steven!" Bluebird cheerfully greeted him. "I was just reconnecting with an old chum and thought 'Hey, I should've given him something to wash all that food down with!' Want a drink?" she asked, offering him a soda.

"I'd love one." Steven accepted Bluebird's offer. "Y'know, maybe you two have changed." Just as Steven opened the can, soda squirted back in his face.

"Oh my, how did that happen?" Bluebird cheekily asked.

"YOU obviously shook it!" Steven accused the fusion of his old foes, when Garnet cleared her throat behind him.

"Chance to change." Garnet told Steven.

"You obviously shook it," Steven grumpily corrected himself. "By accident."

--

A while later, the party was over and everyone had left the beach house. As Steven walked downstairs to the living room, he discovered Bluebird holding a knife while Pearl was looking for something in the fridge.

"Pearl, watch out!" Steven cautioned Pearl. "Bluebird's got a knife!"

"Of course I did." Bluebird menacingly answered, but then immediately changed her tune. "Because I wanted to help cut this cake Pearl made for you!"

"Surprise!" Pearl exclaimed, presenting a cake with vanilla frosting that she got out of the fridge. On top of the cake was Steven's portrait, but his facial features were replaced with a butt. "Bluebird chose the design for me. You like it?"

Steven glared suspiciously at Bluebird as he stuck his finger in the cake, and licked the frosting off it.

--

Later on at Little Homeworld, Steven walked around to collect his thoughts when he discovered Bluebird grabbing Garnet and putting her in a wrestling hold. "Oh no, someone help! Bluebird's got Garnet!" he shrieked. "You let Garnet go this instant!"

"Don't fret Steven." Garnet calmed Steven's nerves as she was let go. "Bluebird was helping me do some stretches before I could teach her some yoga."

"Always important to stretch." The other fusion informed, eliciting an angry moan from Steven.

--

Back at home; Steven was angrily eating some Chaaaaps when he felt something that wasn't a chip inside the bag in his lap. In the bag, Steven discovered a poorly-drawn purple sketch of him with stink-lines surrounding him. "Ugh."

"What's up dude?" Amethyst asked him.

"Bluebird's really getting to me!" Steven complained as he showed the drawing to Amethyst. "I mean, look at this terrible drawing of me!"

"Steven, I-" Amethyst recognized the drawing as Steven scooped out more of them from his jacket.

"All of these too!" Steven cut Amethyst off. "I've been finding these awful scribbles all over!"

"Steven, these were all my drawings of you!" Amethyst began sobbing, and she ran away in tears.

"Amethyst, I'm sorry!" Steven tried apologizing to his Gem sister when Bluebird walked into the house.

"Aw, dry those tears, love, and tell me what's wrong." Bluebird comforted the bawling Quartz.

"Steven killed my art career before I could even get it off the ground!" Amethyst cried while Bluebird picked up her drawings.

"I don't know what art is," Bluebird said as she examined Amethyst's art. "but these are really good! They do need a little work, but I can help."

"Awww, thanks Bluebird!" Amethyst immediately cheered up. "In fact, I'm gonna do some more art right now! Wanna come?"

"Lead the way Amethyst!" Bluebird agreed, and the two left the house while Steven dropped his bag of Chaaaaps to the floor and angrily crushed it flat.

--

"Come on you flying rat; you can't be far." Steven growled as he searched Beach City for Bluebird, looking for something that would expose her components for being more than they seem, when he came across his father's car wash. "Oh, hey Dad!"

"AAAAAH!" Greg screamed from his Mister Universe van, catching Steven off-guard as he raced to the van.

"Dad, are you okay?!" Steven cried, finding the source of Greg's screaming to be him and Bluebird watching movies together.

"Hey Steven." Greg calmly greeted him. "I was just showing Bluebird my old-timey sci-fi horror flick collection."

"It's hilarious how poorly made they are!" Bluebird cackled at the flick she was currently watching. "Some of these 'special effects,' as he calls them, are so old-fashioned!"

"So what's going on, son?" Greg asked Steven, who forced a fake smile on his face. "And what's with your face? You're kind of creeping me out."

"I'm fine, Dad." Steven assured him as he walked away with creepy fake smile and all. "Everything's fine."

--

"And to make matters worse, they think those two have changed even after all the horrible things they did to us!" Steven later vented his feelings on Bluebird to Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth at Little Homeworld. "Please, you guys, I need someone to be on my side for once!"

"Oh, we're on your side Steven." Lapis assured her half-human pal, much to his relief. "After what Navy pulled, I don't really trust those Rubies all that much, especially her and Eyeball! Those other three working for the mayor, they're just meh."

"I don't trust Aquamarine either." Peridot added. "That blue runt's high and mighty attitude just keeps rubbing me incorrectly!"

"Don't you also hate Aquamarine because it's basically because of her we separated for a bit?" Lapis asked Peridot, who was just silent as she nervously looked away. "It's okay, you can open up to me."

"No way, she's not that petty!" Peridot said as she tried to hide her distress. Despite what the little Gem was saying, her body language told a whole different story.

"I just find Bluebird really creepy." Bismuth stated. "There's just something about that voice combined with her facial expressions that really give me chills."

Just then, a very loud clanging came straight from Bismuth's forge, and Cherry Quartz rushed out to see the four. "Bismuth, it's your forge! Someone's made a huge mess of the place!"

"Oh no!" Bismuth cried as she rushed to her forge to discover that the whole floor was now covered in all the weapons she helped build. "How could this have happened?! I was so careful to organize everything today!"

"Maybe Bluebird didn't like that you called her creepy." Peridot guessed.

"Well, I know something I hope they really won't like." Bismuth growled with determination. "Of course those little runts realize, this means war!"

--

Later that day, Bluebird had returned to Little Homeworld and was currently being given a tour of the town by Lapis, yet the fusion was unaware she was being led into a trap.

"Y'know, I'm feeling pretty parched." Lapis remarked sneakily. "You want a drink too?"

"Golly, I thought Gems didn't need sustenance." Bluebird wondered aloud.

"They don't really need to, but some Gems on Earth just like to eat." Lapis answered as they walked up to a conspicuous cooler filled with soft drinks. "Now then, which would you like? We got soda, OJ, purple stuff, two kinds of this other type of orange juice."

"I'll have the purple stuff!" Bluebird cheerily answered. Lapis took a purple soda can from the cooler and gave it a good shake, giggling all the way, before handing it to Bluebird and then turning away from her while plugging her ears.

After a few seconds, nothing happened, and Bluebird didn't drink the purple stuff. "Where's the kaboom?" Lapis wondered as she turned back to Bluebird. "There was supposed to be a big carbonated kaboom!"

"Oh, there seems to be something wrong." Bluebird observed the can slyly before handing it back to the terraformer. "Do you think you can help?"

But as Lapis realized, Bluebird didn't even open the can at all. "What the?!" she stuttered while taking the can from the small fusion. "You didn't even open-" When Lapis opened the can of purple stuff herself; she got a face full of the drink squirting directly in her face instead. As Bluebird laughed heartily, Lapis angrily crushed the can and glared back as Bluebird flew away.

"I already tried that trick Lazuli!" Bluebird cackled. "Try something original next time!"

Lapis's eye began to twitch as she dropped the can to the ground, fighting the urge to just launch Bluebird into space with a water fist.

--

"This is something humans like to do with their disposal units." Peridot explained to Bluebird as they stood by a metal trashcan atop the hill where the lighthouse sat. "You just insert yourself into the unit and just roll it down this hill. Now then, would you like to go first?"

"No, maybe you should go first." Bluebird suggested while offering Peridot a pair of rather unusual looking gloves from one of her gemstones. "And take these too. Safety first!"

"Where did you get these gloves?" Peridot asked as she put the gloves on. "They seem like old Homeworld equipment."

"Just found them lying around one day, nothing too important." Bluebird fibbed just as Peridot entered the trashcan. "Okay, are you ready chum?"

"Let 'er rip!" Peridot yelled from within the can before Bluebird kicked it, and it rolled down the hill with Peridot inside it. "ISN'T THIS FUN BLUEBIRD?!"

"Oh yes, plenty of fun." Bluebird snickered and walked away backwards from where the trashcan once stood.

"Wait, where are you going?" Peridot called as the can continued rolling. She tried to stop it with her ferrokinesis, but they didn't seem to work. "My stars, these old gloves are nullifying my powers!" she realized, and turned her attention to Bluebird in anger. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS YOU CLO-"

However, Peridot couldn't finish when the can finally collided with a wall, and her head poked out in a daze. "You're despicable." She hissed hatefully while stars danced around her head.

--

"Well, guess it's all up to me now." Bismuth declared to herself with Lapis and Peridot's failures to prank Bluebird. She now stood alone at the Warp Pad at the center of Little Homeworld where the barn once stood, in front of a mixer filled with lava. "She ain't ever gonna know what hit her."

"Who isn't going to know what hit her?" Bluebird asked rhetorically before she poured the lava in the mixer on Bismuth, though Bismuth barely felt a thing.

"You know this literally does nothing to Bismuths, right?" Bismuth asked as Bluebird took her leave.

--

"What happened to you guys?" Steven asked the soaked Lapis, dizzy Peridot, and mildly irritated Bismuth as they reported back to him on their efforts in the prank war.

"Bluebird saw my prank coming since she already tried it herself." Lapis answered.

"My mental powers were nullified by these old Homeworld gloves." Peridot added as she presented the gloves. "I think I'll keep them for further study."

"I barely got to do anything before Bluebird turned my own prank against me!" Bismuth whined in defeat.

"Oh, come now, put a smile on your face." Bluebird said as she landed behind the four. Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth turned around to see the little fusion before them, and immediately dropped to their knees with hands out and heads bowed. "Now, what's all this for?"

"We now recognize you as a superior prankster." Lapis declared.

"And now we must grovel in your presence!" Peridot theatrically added.

"We shall concede from this prank war, in recognition of the superior tricker." Bismuth stated.

"Guys, you can't just give up this easily!" Steven yelled angrily before he noticed his body taking on a slight pink hue. "That's four times now." He said to himself. "This can't be healthy."

"Oh, well, thank you all for the compliments!" Bluebird thanked the other three Gems. "Hopefully we can get up to more mischief together someday!"

As Bluebird flew away, Steven stomped to the Warp Pad and used it to return home with barely a word.

"Steven wait, we're sorry!" Peridot cried as Steven vanished from Little Homeworld.

"He's right. We gave up a little too easily." Lapis agreed with her Beach Summer Fun Buddy. "Maybe we should go apologize to him in the morning. You wanna come with Bismuth?"

"Sorry, I got a whole day of cleaning up the forge ahead of me." Bismuth rejected the chance. "But be sure to tell me if things turn out okay."

--

The next morning, Steven woke up in his room, the events of yesterday still fresh in his mind. From Bluebird's arrival, to almost no one believing him when he claimed that she was up to no good, and finally the help of the B-team proving pretty much useless, it was a very hectic day for him.

When Steven went downstairs to the bathroom, he discovered Bluebird's gemstones drawn on his face in the mirror. "Oh, haha." He muttered. "Very funny Bluebird."

Just then, the Warp Pad activated, followed by the sound of tires screeching. As Steven rushed out of the bathroom, he found Greg's van somehow in his living room, a trail of tire tracks left behind in its wake. "How did the van?" Steven asked himself in sheer confusion. "Oh, gotcha. I guess Bluebird and Dad must be having a ball." Just then, he heard someone cry out. "I guess they're watching another of his horror movies. I'm sure everything's fine."

Greg's cries for help proved otherwise, and Steven bolted outside to search for his human father. "It's okay Steven. Bluebird is cool." Steven assured himself. "Dad?"

"Up here son!" Greg screamed as Bluebird dangled him by the ankle on the roof.

"Are those screams of fun?!" Steven called.

"No they ain't!" Greg exclaimed. "Please help me, you were right!"

"An era ago, there were two Gems worshipped on Homeworld for their attempts on the life of their greatest traitor!" Bluebird declared. "But when he brainwashed everyone into worshipping him, those two were cast out and now have come to Earth for revenge!"

As Bluebird leaped into the air, she began to unfuse. "And now he shall rue the day he ever crossed-" To cap off her speech, Bluebird's components finally revealed herself.

"Aquamarine!"

"And Ruby!"

Steven and Greg didn't have anything to say to the two old foes.

"Well, it's us!" Aquamarine cried impatiently.

"Yeah, it was us all along, and no one ever knew!" Eyeball added.

"I always knew. Everybody knew." Steven replied. "You were really poor at hiding it."

"Well if you knew, why was everyone so nice to us?!" Eyeball yelled.

"Because we're nice!" Steven argued. "Something you don't know about!"

"Nice people, my facet!" Eyeball shouted. "You left me to rot in space!"

"And it's because of you that I'm a disgrace to our kind!" Aquamarine agreed. "Ugh, enough of this!" she groaned angrily before grabbing Greg again, this time by the hair, while Eyeball pulled her chisel from her gem.

"Hey, careful with my dad!" Steven cautioned the pair of angry Gems as he summoned his shield. "If this is another one of your pranks, then I'm not laughing, so you better cut it out!"

"That was just something to soften you up." Eyeball declared menacingly. "Now, the real torture begins!"

"We learned so much about you and your life Steven," Aquamarine taunted. "especially how you love My-Dad so much! But if you want him alive, you'll have to agree to our demands. Like destroying your home!"

"Yeah!" Eyeball added.

"Bubbling your friends and handing them over to us!" Aquamarine continued.

"YEAH!" Eyeball began getting more sadistically pumped up.

"And burning that silly Little Homeworld to ashes!" the little blue Gem stated.

"DO IT!" Eyeball shouted.

While Aquamarine and Eyeball were threatening Greg's life, they were caught off-guard by a few water droplets from above, coming from Lapis's wings as she and Peridot flew to see Steven.

"Oh crack, those two." Eyeball growled at the barn-mates while Lapis touched down to where Steven was standing.

"Hey Steven, we wanted to stop by because we didn't get a chance to apologize for yester-" Lapis began explaining to Steven, but immediately got distracted by the current situation. "Um, did we miss something?"

"It's Aquamarine and Eyeball!" Steven panicked. "They're out for revenge and they want me to do horrible things or else Dad gets killed!"

"Of course you'd sink that low, you filthy outcasts!" Peridot snarled at the other short Gems. "First, you took Steven away Aquamarine, and that led to some of the worst days of my life! Now, I'm gonna make you pay dearly!"

"Oh, here are some friends you can poof boy." Aquamarine told Steven. "Go on, listen to us for once."

"Never!" Steven rejected.

"Then My-Dad gets it!" Aquamarine threatened, but Eyeball was a little confused.

"Gets what?" the Ruby asked quizzically.

"Gets it!" Aquamarine scolded her partner. "It's like in those movies he showed us."

"Oh right!" Eyeball realized with a malicious laugh, and prepared to kill their human captive. However, Greg wasn't going to take this lying down.

"That's enough!" Greg yelled as he snatched Eyeball's chisel from her hand and used it to free himself by cutting his hair short, causing him to fall from Aquamarine's grasp.

"No!" Steven yelled.

"I got you!" Lapis exclaimed, summoning forth a water hand to catch Mr. Universe with. "Are you alright?"

"Just bereft of my glorious locks." Greg said mournfully when Aquamarine dropped the remainder of his hair next to him. "Oh my baby!" he cried before rushing to comfort the clump of hair.

"How could you let this happen, you meager soldier?!" Aquamarine yelled at Eyeball.

"You were distracting me!" Eyeball argued.

"I was directing you, My-Dad just caught us by surprise!" Aquamarine talked back.

As Steven, Peridot and Lapis watched the two enemy Gems bicker, Steven turned to his mourning dad. "Father, get inside."

"I'm sorry, Steven." Greg said boldly. "But after how they dangled me off the roof and made me lose my hair, I want in!" Just then, he got an idea. "In fact."

After whispering something into his son's ear, Greg fist bumped Steven, and it caused the two to glow right before everyone else's eyes. And as a result, the father and son fusion Steg was reborn, this time with a mullet in addition to his massive pompadour.

"He can fuse with humans?!" Aquamarine shrieked in surprise. "We were never told this!"

"Oh my stars!" Lapis and Peridot gasped in unison.

"This one goes out to all awesome hair across the stars." Steg boomed while summoning a double-necked guitar that he began playing. "I call this one, 'We Ain't Gonna Let You Get Away With This!'"

"Three against two?" Eyeball said nervously. "Y'know, I think maybe it's time we-" She was cut off by Steg braining her with his guitar while he turned pink.

"If you're saying we should run or surrender, you are sorely mistaken!" Aquamarine yelled while dodging attacks from Lapis. "They fused just now, somehow, so we must fuse in order to win!"

"Fine, whatever." Eyeball groaned as she noticed Peridot scampering into the house and racing back out with a kitchen knife to match the Ruby's chisel.

Eyeball raced away from the green Gem in fright and grabbed onto the fleeing Aquamarine's hand in an attempt to fuse, but it was cut short by the combined forces of their disharmony and Steg throwing Steven's shield between them that sent them flying face-first into the sand.

"What was that?" Eyeball asked.

"That was bad form you corun-dummy!" Aquamarine insulted. "Try again!"

The two of them attempted to fuse again, and again, and again, but every time resulted in failure. "That's it!" Eyeball yelled. "I've had it with you!"

"Tsk tsk tsk." Steg tutted smugly as he returned to his normal self and approached the arguing duo. "You guys only fused to get revenge on me, didn't you?"

"Yes, that's exactly it!" Aquamarine replied. "The only problem is she's too much of a moron to keep us together!"

"Me the moron?!" Eyeball shouted. "You're way too much of a bossy-boots!"

"If that's the reason, then I can see why you can't keep it together." Lapis stated from experience.

"What are you three talking about?!" Aquamarine asked scornfully.

"There are so many other reasons to fuse." Steg explained. "Like friendship, responsibility, maybe even love."

"Imagine how much better your lives would be if you fused to support each other instead of wanting to ruin someone's life." Peridot agreed with the massive fusion.

"She's right." Steg continued. "Your life would be filled with so much love and joy and friendship and warmth and-"

"Yes yes, blah blah blah!" Aquamarine rudely cut Steg off. "Ugh, love is so annoying!"

"I hate it as much as I hate Steven!" Eyeball agreed, but then the two realized something they had in common.

"Yeah, me too!" Aquamarine and Eyeball declared to each other as they fused back into Bluebird, much to Steg's irritation.

"This is bad comedy." Steg facepalmed as Bluebird triumphantly returned.

"Ah-ha, back in business!" Bluebird announced before summoning a cutlass made out of ice to attack Steg with, but he blocked the sword with his shield.

"En garde!" Bluebird cackled with a swing of her sword, spawning ice projectiles that turned into smaller cutlasses landing on the ground.

"Steven, why is the van inside the house?" Pearl asked while she, Garnet, and Amethyst emerged from the beach house as the fusion fight went on.

"Whatever Greg did, can you tell him to stop?" Amethyst asked before she let out a loud scream at what they were seeing. "Hey, is that Steg?!"

"We can explain everything, honest!" Peridot tried to apologize for everything that's happened.

"No need." Garnet boomed stoically while glaring daggers at Bluebird, continuing to swipe at Steg's shield.

"DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!" Bluebird shrieked violently when she noticed a certain group of three angry Gems. "Oh, if it isn't my favorite trio!" she exclaimed while innocently hiding her cutlass behind her back.

The Crystal Gems responded by fusing together into a very grouchy Alexandrite who towered over Bluebird Azurite and raised one hand forward.

"Oh no." the rogue fusion whimpered before she was squashed flat by Alexandrite. As Alexandrite un-fused back into Garnet, Amethyst & Pearl, Steven & Greg un-fused and gazed at the groaning Aquamarine & Ruby.

"Are you two okay?" Steven asked while Greg raced to collect his cut hair.

"Oh no, we have been defeated!" Aquamarine theatrically declared. "Now we'll be forcibly indoctrinated into your lifestyle like every Gem before us!"

"Yep." Eyeball replied as she rubbed her head.

"I've completely learned my lesson." Aquamarine stated. "I'm sorry Steven. Please accept my apology so that we may become defenseless pacifists just like you." When she extended a hand to Steven, Steven brought his out too, expecting to give her a handshake, but she childishly snatched her gloved hand away. "GOTCHA!"

"Don't you run away you runts!" Peridot yelled while Aquamarine took Eyeball's hand and they flew away.

"You rebels may have gotten us this time, but we'll be out there!" Aquamarine declared haughtily.

"Hating you!" her Ruby partner added.

"Forever!" Aquamarine concluded as they flew far away from the Gems, presumably never to be seen for a long time.

"You smell!" Eyeball jeered as loud as she could.

"Think we'll really see them again?" Lapis wondered.

"Who knows Lapis?" Garnet replied. "But if they pull off what they did just now, we'll be there."

"I guess there are Gems out there who still hate your guts." Amethyst contemplated.

"Well, I'm not the only one they wanted to hurt." Steven replied while looking at Greg, sitting by the ocean with his hair in his arms. "I'm really sorry, Dad." Steven apologized to his father while sitting by him. "I never should've given Bluebird a chance."

"I love how you believe in everyone." Greg sighed to his son while drying his tears. "You stuck to your principles, and that made me proud. But sometimes, some people don't want to change."

"Yeah." Steven sighed as well, before Greg let his hair drift in the water.

"See you around, old friend." Greg bid farewell to his locks. "You're finally free."

--

Later that day, Aquamarine and Eyeball continued giggling as they found somewhere safe to hide in the woods close to Beach City.

"You have to admit, it was hilarious how that My-Dad was so attached to his hair." Eyeball admitted to her blue cohort.

"I mean, it's just hair!" Aquamarine agreed. "But enough about mocking others' misfortune, give me the communicator."

"You got it." Eyeball obeyed and began searching around her person for what her new friend requested. "Uh, where is it again?"

"In your gem you dolt!" Aquamarine yelled.

"Oh, right." Eyeball realized, pulling a black, octahedral object from her gemstone and handing it to Aquamarine. After Aquamarine gave it a few turns, the object slowly rose above the two and transformed into a screen displaying a coded message.

"Your clarity, we have garnered some minor success on our espionage mission." Aquamarine announced to the screen while positing her arms in a rectangular salute. "Though our cover was blown, we now know that he can somehow perform fusion with humans. Tell us, do you have any further orders?"

The screen replied by giving a coded message to Aquamarine that Eyeball couldn't understand. "Uh, what's it saying?" Eyeball asked.

"It's saying we must return to headquarters and await further instructions." Aquamarine translated the message. "A craft is being sent to our current location to bring us back."

As Aquamarine declared, a small, orb-like white space pod with a single red window at the entrance instantly warped to Earth via lightspeed and opened its door for the two Gems to board.

"Haha, just you wait Steven!" Eyeball shouted to the sky. "Your precious little family will soon be done for!"

The two little Gems cackled evilly as they entered the pod, and it blasted off back into space. But they didn't realize that a certain orange Gem was watching close by, and had a disgruntled look on her face all the while.

--

And so ends Bluebird. Fun fact, Steg was completely last minute as I thought it would be cool if he fought Aquamarine and Eyeball. Speaking of which, if you couldn't tell by now, Aquamarine & Eyeball will have a much bigger role than in Regular Future going forward as they now answer directly to our mystery villain from Cracks and Buds. So first we had Holly Blue Agate, and now these two? What could this ne'er-do-well have planned with these old villains? We'll just have to wait and see. Speaking of which, I should really get back to a certain other Steven Universe fanfiction.

[fanfoolishness]

Greg Universe’s biggest mistake

First thing’s first: Greg Universe is an incredible father. What I would have given to have a dad like him... he’s amazing. And I think he deserves an enormous amount of credit for doing his absolute best to love and care for Steven through everything, especially through his own grief.

But there’s one decision he made that I think is going to come back to bite him and Steven both in Steven Universe: Future. And that’s Greg’s insistence that Gem stuff isn’t his thing.

Long post ahead about how this has affected Steven, Greg, and their relationship, along with some musings for what it might mean for Steven Universe: Future.

***

In early seasons it seemed to have been a very hard and fast rule. Initially he states in Laser Light Cannon it was insistence by the Gems:  “Wait, is that a magical thing? The Gems told me not to get involved with magic stuff. It... it could be dangerous or interfere with what’s left of my hair.”  The Gems reinforce this rule by acting less than enthused when he shows up with Steven.

 In Catfingers Greg excuses himself because the shape shifting is a Gem thing.  “Whup! Magic stuff! Should I get out of here? Is there going to be an explosion?” he asks anxiously.  While he helps Steven escape his predicament in the end, it’s clear Greg is pretty overwhelmed by the situation.  

It’s probably for good reason Greg doesn’t go on many missions. Of course, as a good dad, Greg is willing when the situation is desperate.  But he’s more comfortable helping Steven with things like transportation as opposed to leaning in to the magic inherent in the situation.  While Steven’s glad to have his dad along in Ocean Gem, Steven also sees him get his leg broken, a good lesson in Dad and Gem stuff don’t mix.

There’s several possible reasons for why both Greg and the Gems enforced this rule.  One is simply that Greg is human and more likely to be hurt on missions.  But we get another possible reason why in Message Received.  Greg’s hurt to see how the Gems see him as useless.  “I think so highly of you... it just isn’t fair.”  Which makes sense. Greg’s always known the Gems and their war were so much bigger than him. He’s looked up to them, even Pearl who often barely tolerates him. If this has always been their dynamic, no wonder he would feel inadequate when it comes to Gem stuff and he would want Steven to get the best information from them, instead of whatever he could cobble together.  He’d also know he’s unable to protect Steven the way the Gems can.

In The Return, Greg tries to explain some Gem things to Steven, one of the few times he does so, and it’s only because the Gems themselves have pushed Steven away to protect him.  It doesn’t go super well.  Greg’s intensely uncomfortable, and Steven is horrified to hear some of the truth behind the Gems’ presence on the planet.

Then in Full Disclosure Steven really starts to understand how uncomfortable his dad is with this stuff, especially once Steven realizes how much bigger it is than just the Crystal Gems he knows and loves.  “Now Dad’s really freaking out, what do I do...”

Greg, for his part, still does his best to stay involved in Steven’s life.  He takes Steven to the Barn to help with working on the drill to use on the Cluster, he provides a loving and stable presence in Steven’s human life, and he routinely checks in with him when he sees things like Stevonnie or Steven hating Kevin.   He talks to Steven about how much Rose loved him and wanted him.

Unfortunately, he messes up again during Steven’s Birthday.  He doesn’t encourage Connie to talk to Steven about her worries.  He doesn’t bring Steven into the conversation.  When he does talk to Steven, it isn’t really helpful, and he doesn’t apologize to Steven for the “wait and see” comment.

Greg: Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you. Steven: Because, Dad, I can't stay a kid forever, when Connie grows up and becomes president what is that gonna make me? First Boy!? Amethyst: Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself. Steven: Yeah well, I'm half human so maybe it works different for me, we'll just have to wait and see, right? Greg: *sigh* Steven...

This is par for the course.  Greg understands when Steven’s stressed out from human problems.  But Greg doesn’t see when comfort is needed because of Gem things (i.e. never growing up).  Steven never discusses what happened to the Cluster or Jasper or Bismuth or even being lost in space in Bubbled with his dad.  Not that we see.  Did it happen off-screen?  Maybe....  

Except we know how good Steven is at repressing things.  Even Connie, the human he’s brought most into his life as a Gem, didn’t know who Bismuth and Eyeball were when encountering them in the hallucination as Stevonnie.  My guess is, no, Steven either never told Greg about these things, or downplayed them into funny anecdotes or quick asides.

After The Return, we only see Greg discussing serious Gem things when Steven brings it up, and it’s usually in relation to Rose, not about other things Steven has been through.  In Steven’s Dream Greg tells him who Rose was when he knew her, but he doesn’t talk about what Steven’s really asking about.  He wants to know what Rose was thinking when she shattered Pink, what the reason was, if it could possibly be justified.  Greg tells him Rose was an amazing, loving being, but how is Steven supposed to reconcile that with her image as a shatterer and a liar?

Steven gets another important lesson in Dad-and-Gem-stuff-don’t-mix when Greg gets abducted. Steven absolutely believes this is 100% his fault, and is so panicked he left Connie behind despite her wanting to help, and almost crashed a spaceship. Does he need any more proof in why he can’t involve his dad in this part of his life?

Even after they get back to safety, there’s no evidence that Steven and Greg talk much about what happened. Steven uses Rose’s room to try and process a lot of what he’s been going through, but to frightening effect. He’s starting to feel like he can’t talk to anyone about these things.  If he talks to Greg, he puts Greg in danger. When he tries to talk to “Rose,” he puts himself in danger from his own feelings.  So he represses. Again.

Lion 4: Alternate Ending shows Greg for one of the first times that Steven is really struggling with this stuff. He’s supportive, but deeply surprised. He had no idea Steven was thinking along these lines... because this is the area they don’t talk about. Steven cries out in frustration that he doesn’t know what he’s for, what his magical destiny is supposed to be — what an enormous responsibility he’s trying to take on.  Greg does try to reassure him.  

At his core Steven still believes he was made to deal with Rose’s problems, even if he’d like to believe otherwise -- if he didn’t, how could he just give himself up to Homeworld like that?

Gemcation shows that unfortunately after so long of this, Steven’s starting to have problems opening up about even his human problems.  He worries what Greg and the Gems will think if Steven admits he messed up with Connie. And Greg, convinced Steven is upset by what happened on Homeworld (you aren’t wrong, Greg, it’s just Steven hasn’t realized it yet!), keeps trying to make the Gems talk to Steven.   Because obviously, Steven hasn’t talked to Greg.

“But I know it's not space lag. This is some Gem thing he knows I won't understand. I don't know anything about Homeworld. I don't know anything about your society. Whatever horrible things he saw out there, you guys have to put it into context.”

After all the emotions brought up in A Single Pale Rose, Steven and Greg get one line of discussion together about Rose. Steven asks how Greg’s doing and Greg tells him it’s fine. Greg most likely doesn’t want to worry Steven at all -- a valid impulse! -- but come on Greg, there’s no way it’s fine. By modeling that it’s okay, it doesn’t need to be discussed, Greg loses a chance to connect with Steven on something important and painful for them both.  He doesn’t even ask Steven how he feels about it!

In the movie we see that Steven does reach out to Greg to help when the Gems get reset. This is typical of the pattern we’ve seen before. When there’s a physical problem with Gem stuff that needs help, Steven will feel okay asking Greg for help, and Greg will feel brave enough to try. Laser Light Cannon, Catfingers, Ocean Gem, Message Received, Steven’s Dream.  If Steven needs him physically, he’ll ask and Greg’ll be there because he does really want to help!

 But Steven never shares his dream of happily ever after with his dad. After all, that would suggest there was an unhappy past that needed to be overcome... and that’s not what they discuss, it’s not what they ever discuss.  So Steven shares this dream with the Gems, he mutters it to himself at one of his lowest points, he longs for it after the Gems are reset, he even tells Spinel.  He doesn’t tell Greg.

It may be important to have Steven and Greg face the ramifications of this head on. I fully believe SU:F is going to be about Steven learning to truly combine his Gem and human heritage and heart, because he is starting to lose the connection to his humanity in favor of all his work as a Gem and a Diamond.  Hell, he almost died because he forgot about his human self in all the struggle to regain his Gem powers!

Humans struggle. They grow. They make mistakes. And as teenagers, they rebel, sometimes especially against the ones who have loved them the most.

But what would make Steven rebel against Greg?

Consider Greg seeing Steven suffering, struggling with new powers he’s afraid of, and Greg pleading with Steven to talk with him.

Consider Steven, furious that after all the things he’s been through, Greg is finally asking him how he feels about Gem problems. “You don’t understand what’s going on. You never do!”

And the most painful thing of all would be that Steven isn’t wrong.

TLDR: Greg meant well by trying to separate Gem and human parenting responsibilities, but in the end, he fucked up. As all parents do in some ways, even the most loving, kind and supportive. I think it’d be an important message from the show to see that parental relationship shaken to its core — and then made stronger than ever with real discussion between them of what Greg’s choices meant for Steven, with both of them working towards a more honest and adult relationship together.  

It would show kids that their parents are human and they make mistakes.  Sometimes as a kid you need to be honest and tell them when they've messed up — but you also can trust that a good parent will love you through all of that, and that they are doing the best they can.

If we don’t see something like this in SU:F, I’ll be disappointed, as every other main player in Steven’s life has grown and changed tremendously.  Whereas Greg is always stalwart, supportive and loving, but not changing.  Maybe this would be the catalyst for their father-son relationship to change and mature.  I know I’d love to see it.

[sirsapling]

Tony's tumor in ultimates is an infinity stone? How does that happen exactly?

ANON, I have had this post sat in my inbox for at least a year now, and I never answered it because I got so excited to write it but I kept faltering on how to do so.

HOWEVER, blessed book club has finally lead me to I think the best answer to this question canon can provide. (This post is also going to use some of the panels and thinking from THIS fantastic explanation by @copperbadge​, however we come to different end conclusions)

TW: Artistic depictions of surgery, Discussions of suicide, Frequent mentions of Terminal illnesses

STOP READING HERE IF YOU HAVEN'T READ PAST ULTIMATES COMICS: THE ULTIMATES 28# YOU WILL BE SPOILED. 

(If you make it to the end however there’s a little surprise)

To begin with, its good to know what just what an infinity gem is (comics uses gems over stones, I’m not sure there’s actually a difference). 

Because earth 1610 is a never one to slack, it had EIGHT gems rather than five, and Susan Storm works out that Gems are formed by earth changing events. While the comics only really clearly details a few of these, it's not too hard to work out possible others.

[From Ultimates Comics: Ultimates #25, 2013.]

This gives us half of the gems. The earths formation is most likely what plonks the power gem right smack dab in its core, Reeds destruction of Asgard in The City forms another, that's two more. So we’re left with two to go, and one of them is smack bang in the middle of Tonys head. (We can assume Anthony is not any of these other gems, because Sue doesn't know of his existence) 

Now we’re entering theory territory, but hear me out. While most of the gems are found sort of in and around the things that created them, Anthony seems to form an interesting point that he's IN Tony’s head. We don't get many clues about Ant’s specific growth, since we only find out what he is as he’s being removed, but Reed gives us one big ambiguous clue:

[From Ultimates Comics: Ultimates #27, 2013.]

This is a comic book, so he doesn't actually explain this story. However this is enough of a clue with Tony to look at different points in canon Anthony could have formed. For instance, Tony has attempted suicide in the past, It could come from his cancer forming, or when Natasha Betrayed him, or when his brother dies.

Cross reference these events by looking at possible world shifting events linked to them, and the most damning one I found was Greg. And the timing fits PERFECTLY for Anthonys development. Greg’s death comes as the result of him slowly creating and selling off super human secrets across the globe to stage pro-democracy rebellions, in order to put himself in centre stage as someone controlling the globe. He also engineers himself some nanobots in a way that essentially gives him the powers of a god, he is even able to wield mjolnir with ease. In a couple hours Greg changes physics and entire areas of the globe.

[From Avengers vs New Ultimates #6, 2011.]

At the same time Peter Parker is killed as a result of being attacked by the sinister 6, shifting the faith of many people in Super heroes, this may have also contributed to the volatile state of the world

In the end, Thor ends up killing Greg, despite to Tony’s evident distress and believe that Greg didn't need to die. Tony very clearly loved his brother a lot, bonded as many twins are despite the clear dysfunction of their relationship. I think it is this time period of likely intense grief and depression that gave the gem a place to form in Tony, he had been right at the epicentre of this event, right where a gem could find a now missing spot in his head for his brother and form up, attracted to his grieving. It’s right after this that Anthony first develops, after Steve has run off the the desert to have feelings and Thor likely distanced himself from Tony’s choice to talk to Ant, give him a chance, comes from extreme loneliness.

[From Ultimates Comics: Ultimates #11, 2013.]

This shows where Tony finds out his cancer has returned, and you can see a big, white, circular lump on the scan, deep in his head, right where Anthony is later pulled out of. Tony had already been receiving chemo before Gregory died to try to combat his cancer, and it's likely discovering that it hadn't worked and the mass in his brain had just got newly bigger, Tony decided not to continue treatment. His symptoms suggest a blend of grief linked mental illness, and him beginning to speak to Anthony.

Why does Tony never discover a big old lump of gem in his skull? Well, Anthony is quite sweet, and Tony seems to take to parenting him on instinct. They make a deal: If Ant agrees not to grow, Tony won't continue treatment. Without digging Tonys brain open and looking, It can be pretty hard to tell what things are on scans. So if every time Tony had a scan, Ant didn't grow, then Tony had no reason to go looking really. And I doubt he’d really want to, Tony adores Anthony, why wouldn't he love a mental manifestation of his childish self? Someone without any of Tony’s stresses, still innocent and bright, a time likely before Tony felt his own brother begin to pull away from him when they were children.

[From Ultimates Comics: Ultimates #22, 2013.]

SO that's where I think Anthony comes from, a blend of Tony’s intense depression and grief along with the entire world shifting from his brothers reality bending mental break, boiling up and forming something extra ordinary right in Tonys own Skull, completely unnoticed till Reed Richards finds him and takes it all away again.

[From Ultimates Comics: Ultimates #22, 2013.]

I know it could be potentially argued that what happened with Greg isn't such an earth shattering physical event as the others given, but I’d say that it is, even if it wasn't physically. It's never defined what gem Anthony is, he's just shiny and orange. It's possible Anthony could be the Soul gem or the mind gem as he has his own independent consciousness. Both of those could be formed by the massive mental shifts that occur as Greg dies. Several governments topple, and all of America is faced with the horror of finding out Spider-man has died. Tony himself has to shift from being a twin, part of one soul, to being on his own. His reactor even splits right down the centre.

[From Avengers vs New Ultimates #6, 2011.]

If you managed to get through reading all of this, here’s a little surprise Anthony to thank you. He’s having a sulk because Tony still won't build him is own suit, meanie.

[faelapis]

"a chance to have a relationship with people she hasn’t hurt. “i’ve already messed things up with you”. this was the same thing blocking steven & the diamonds’ relationship" I found this point a bit strange though. Because, well, maybe Spinel does not know this but almost everyone Steven is close friends with has done something on the level of trying to kill him?

right so, i have a lot of thoughts on this:

firstly, the steven of the movie wants a vacation. he is tired. he doesn’t want to be everyone’s therapist anymore. i’ll go into why in a sec. spinel even calls him out on, as she sees it, him seemingly wanting nothing more than for her to turn the injector off. 

and indeed, his advice in “found” is pretty generic - it’s clear that spinel wants *him* to pay attention to her specifically (”i already feel found”). while steven himself - again, an extremely tired and worn down steven, who is still trying to be empathetic despite dealing with Yet Another Person who tried to kill him - wants to give her hope without having to commit himself to her.

like. the connection that’s there is very one-sided - for steven, it’s nice that he can help someone climb out of a self-destructive hole! but… well, this relationship doesn’t offer *him* anything. spinel doesn’t try to anticipate his needs or play therapist for him in turn. 

his only satisfaction is seeing her undo the damage she caused, and so the friends he’s actually made a connection with (and who have made an effort to connect with him!) are the ones he first and foremost thinks of. 

which… is normal. for instance, with peridot - yeah, steven had to initiate things, but it wasn’t long before peridot started not only following through on his advice, but actively helping him. this is apparent as early as “when it rains”, when the crystal gems try to admonish steven and peridot defends him. despite starting out as a truce, they really do grow to be friends!

that’s not to say steven only helps people for utilitarian reasons (such as being curious about the cluster w/peridot) - he really wants to connect with gemkind and humankind! he’s not all strategy, he wants to understand everyone and he’s principally against shattering. 

which brings us to why steven is the way he is - he’s grown up with strong feelings of guilt and responsibility. his mom was gone from Day One. everyone’s mourning her except him, and it’s messed them up in ways where he kinda-sorta felt that maybe this was “his fault”, even if he knows they love him. greg’s also taught him to be empathetic, because greg is great.

but anyway. these feelings of guilt & responsibility carry steven through a lot of his adventure - from thinking he gotta fix people to feeling like he’s gotta answer for everything his mom did + being unable to separate himself from her. s5 obviously plays this up heavily - him gradually losing his identity in the work of being what everyone wants him to be, tho that’s a theme of the whole show.

okay so. why is movie steven a bit different, even if he still wants to help everyone? why is it he may come across as feeling less self-sacrificial and not feeling like he’s personally gotta be everyone’s best friend?

because of “change your mind”.

this episode is just as much about steven as it is about white diamond. i’ve talked about white’s side a great deal, i’ve talked less about steven’s side. i wanna rectify that here.

this scene is absolute relief. it’s the world, the universe, saying that his very core is fully himself. it’s saying that he never has to take responsibility for his mother’s actions or feel guilty for being himself ever again. it’s the most absolute confirmation of his own personhood he could ask for. it’s saying that everyone projecting their feelings onto him doesn’t mean he has to accept blame for how they feel. he’s not just crying over being reunited with himself, he’s crying over what it means - “i’m me. i’ve always been me”. 

and that’s of course wonderful. steven shouldn’t feel responsible for everyone else. it leads to him being more confident, satisfied with himself, and being able to help people without feeling like he’s Obligated because of his mom.

but there is such a thing as being too self-satisfied. while steven BY NO MEANS is guilty for anything spinel did, and it’s completely reasonable for him to want a “happily ever after” after all this… it’s also true that steven just wanting everything to “go back to normal” leads to miscommunication and resentment with spinel. that’s on her, but steven, on his side, isn’t bringing his A-game. he’s not hyper-invested in her being okay. that’s not a criticism on him, it’s completely normal, but it’s something spinel notices that makes her spiral. 

so again, her actions aren’t his fault, but what he realizes is that he can never feel entitled to things going back to “normal”. life will always change, including himself. he’ll always have to keep trying, he can’t sit back and let the world sort itself out. that’s not how life works, no matter how much we might like it to.

it’s fitting that it’s spinel who makes the decision she doesn’t want to be on earth with steven. there are multiple reasons for this i’ve gone over before, but the most selfless one is her acknowledgment that she’s hurt him. he doesn’t send her away - she sends herself away, recognizing her need to grow as a person.

steven’s at a pretty bittersweet place, really. he’s grown towards feeling more self-assured. he’s not quietly resenting himself, but he’s also tired in a world that will never stop and wait for him. so the best he can do is accept that and keep moving forward with his friends.

i think this, more than anything, is something steven will have to deal with in s6. spinel’s story is in the movie, but his isn’t limited to that. i think and hope (thanks to zach’s comment on the most important message of the show not having happened yet) that steven will continue to heal and find balance in his life in s6.

if it’s also true that jasper is getting substantial focus on s6, these seem like they could mesh quite nicely. jasper, in a way, is also a “chosen one”, just on homeworld’s side. she was made to feel like she had this burden to bear that nobody else could do for her. she had to fix everything, or die trying - that was her guilt, having “failed” in the war the way steven lives with his mother’s pedestal & failures. overcoming that has been their lives. both out of guilt, and feeling like they’re the only ones who can fix this.

so yeah, there’s a bunch to be said about steven in the movie - it’s a balance he’s working out, being ready for anything while not expecting himself to take responsibility for everyone. he’s embraced life’s changes, and hopefully, he’ll continue to believe in himself while the world spins around him.

[fireopal-tash]

How everything started...

If only everybody could see you

Through my eyes

We wouldn't have to worry and leave it all behind

I know it isn't easy but I think we need a brand new start

I'll hold your heart

It was not a good start, nor a bad one. It was not an impulsive moment, much less a thoughtful one.

Spinel spent a week with Steven on Earth, after the Crystal Gems received a message from the Diamonds. Something about a mission, and making peace (peace treaty) with other species. They couldn't take Spinel with them, so they decided that it was best for her to stay on Earth. With Steven. Protected. That was it. Nothing happened, and Spinel returned to Homeworld soon after. Nothing changed... Or so everyone believed.

It wasn't until in Little Homeworld a healed corrupted gem saw them holding hands, laughing and having a good time that things went downhill. They explained they were simply spending some time together, like any friends, but the crystal gems were still upset that the hybrid never told them anything about where he went and with whom. Pearl, specially, freaked out when she saw it was Spinel with whom he was spending time. He couldn't understand why.

Steven was with Connie (it was one of those days when Connie had free time for him), and the boy asked his best friend her opinion about Spinel.

"Steven... I don't think it's a good idea" she started carefully.

"What? Why?" the young hybrid asked without showing his anguish.

"Because she tried to kill you. You and the Crystal Gems" she pointed out "Look, I know you want to help her, but maybe you should let someone else do it" she explained softly.

"No, you don't understand" he shook his head "It's my responsibility. I have to help her. No one else can because... Because no one else can understand her. Only me. And she is not the only gem that tried to kill us, you know? At least she knew it was me, not Pink Diamond"

"She was… trapped, wasn't she? Then Lapis would be the most suitable. Also, she tried to kill you because of your mum" she countered.

"You see!? You don't understand either. Aghhh" he suddenly stood up, anxiety gnawing at his mind "She was abandoned, not trapped. She faithfully waited for my mom for thousands of years!"

"And how about Pearl?" the brunette tried.

Steven groaned, increasingly annoyed that no one could understand him. But that wasn't true, was it? Someone understood him. And that someone was Spinel.. Steven ran away, glowing pink.

"Steven...!" Connie called.

All of my friends and family

Keep saying you're no good

Now that I'm finally happy

Wish that they understood

They may be disapproving

But that ain't tearing us apart

I'll hold your heart

Spinel couldn't meet with Steven after that hasty goodbye. She could still hear the shouting. Such horrible words. She didn't like that one bit. He was her friend, their family. Why were they being so cruel to him? Why wouldn't they let her calm him down.

So what if they were having a good time?

So what if they wanted to be friends?

What difference did it make to them?

What rights did they have to spoil something that was just beginning to flourish?

All those questions were echoing over and over again in her mind, fueling her anger, her contempt for those gems. Towards everyone. But never to Steven. He needed her. And she needed him.

"Spinel, we know that you only wanted to see Steven. We do to. But, surely you understand that it is not right for you to leave without saying a word to us"

Oh, she knew that very well. But it was exactly for that reason that neither of them said anything. They wanted to test their friendship first, before rushing headfirst. They didn't want interference of any kind. It was their life after all.

It was not fair.

Where did everything went so wrong?

Exhausted every option

It's time to run away

Won't even pack a suitcase

I don't need anything

As long as you're besides me

I know that it'll be okay

We'll be okay

Weeks later, after sneaking away from Homeworld again, Spinel managed to speak to Steven, in his room, while everyone else was asleep (or in the case of the gems, in their own room)

"Are you sure?" he asked hesitantly. He was so nervous. What if the gems find out? They would be separated!

Spinel nodded enthusiastically. She had been planning it carefully. Today they were going to leave, they were going to their new home, a home of their own. Far from responsibilities. Away from people who only saw someone else in them. No more Pink Diamond. They were going to be free at last.

"Ok. I trust you. I hope everything works out. How are we going to get there?"

"With Little Homeworld's portal, of course. We will be caught immediately if we use yours. Although, we have to go undercover, just in case" She smirk, satisfied with her plan. She was not stupid, after all. Just a fool.

Steven shared her smile, feeling excited.

Cuz if it's us

Against the world we'll fight it

And win as long as we're united

"Steven?" Pearl called from the bottom of the stairs. Receiving no answer, she went upstairs, determined to wake Steven up. Upon opening the door, however, there was no one in there. Thinking that maybe he would be in the bathroom, she went downstairs again and headed for the other room. She knocked a couple of times. Nobody answered. The fear was taking over the pale gem. Steven was surely fine. These past few weeks he seemed fine, at least. But what if...?

"Steven?" she called again.

"Is he still in the bathroom?" Amethyst said, noticing the other gem in concern.

"I think so... But he would have already answered me" she scowled.

"Maybe he's drowned in the bathtub," joked the purple gem.

"Don't joke about it, Amethyst!"

"Seriously, what's wrong with taking a little more time in the bathroom? Besides, maybe he's still annoyed with us" she said seemingly exasperated.

"Annoyed? Why would he be annoyed with us?" the purple gem rolled her eyes, tired of the tallest blindness.

"Maybe because we are overwhelming? Overprotective? And by "we" I mean you, and maybe Garnet" she finished, with irritation. She really needed to let out everything she thought about this situation.

Take my hand and don't you let it go now

We'll find our way out when we are faced with danger

Steven and Spinel were in the garden. No one was around as expected, but still, they waited holding their breath and their hands. Nothing was happening. The portal didn't activate. They were alone. Together. They smiled widely. And laughed.

And eyes that stares at us in anger

Take my hand and don't you let it go now

"Garnet. Do you know where he...?" Pearl tried to ask the fusion. She was stopped.

"Not now"

"But Garnet!" she complained.

"I said not now. I don't know where he is. I can't even..." She let out a painful cry before a light appeared, separating both gems.

"Oh no. What have we done?" whispered Sapphire, both oh her hands covering her mouth. Her blue orb full of guilt and fear.

We'll find our way out

I'm tired of all the hiding

When the gems told Greg what happened, for the first time ever, he yelled at them. Worse than the time they kidnapped baby Steven in the middle of a snowstorm.

Unspoken secrecy

Cuz nothing's more exciting

When they talked to Lapis, Peridot and Bismuth, they were yelled at again. Never had the crystal gems felt worse than now. They knew it was their fault Steven ran away.

When you're right next to me

I'm captured by the feeling

Connie was the last one to know about their mistake. She just looked at them, disappointed. She waited for Steven. She had faith in him. He would return to her. He always did.

Of when you're wrapped up in my arms

In my arms

Despite all the searching, they never found him. Nothing. No one knew anything about him, nor did he ever came back home.

But one day, they found a little Spinel, far from Homeworld, whistling while looking at some dresses and shorts, shopping apparently.

I don't have all the answers

Not sure what we should do

But it doesn't really matter

I'm so in love with you

As long as you're besides me

I know it'll be okay

We'll be okay

"Our way out" song by Nico Collins

IMPORTANT: Steven and Spinel didn't rushed their decision, but they didn't think it through either. Don't be too harsh on them. They are still young (in fact, worse. Because he is a teenager and Spinel acts like a teenager too, so it was expected xD And Steven almost did the same with Connie, when they were younger)

Another thing. No one thought that Steven was with Spinel because of the time they spent apart, and because they tried to appear like nothing changed. It may sound logic to us, readers, but it's not. That's life without a narrator xD

Also: if it's a ship, or just friends, or family, it depends on the reader~ See them as you want xD I don't care~ xP

People tend to forget the most obvious clues ^w^'

Here a FanArt!

(why I'm always drawing the wrong hand to hold? xD Oh well~)

[grigori77]

Summer 2020′s Movies - My Top Ten Favourite Films (Part 2)

10.  BODY CAM – in the face of the current pandemic, viral outbreak cinema has become worryingly prescient lately, but as COVID led to civil unrest there were a couple of films in this summer that REALLY seemed to me to put their finger on the pulse of another particularly shitty zeitgeist.  Admittedly this one highlights a problem that’s been around for a good while, but it came along at just the right time to gain particularly strong resonance, filtering its message into the most reliable form of allegorical social commentary – horror.  The vengeful ghost trope has become pretty familiar over the past decade or so, but by marrying it with the corrupt cop thriller veteran horror screenwriter Nicholas McCarthy (The Pact) has given it a nice fresh spin, and the end result was, for me, a real winner.  Mary J. Blige plays troubled LAPD cop Renee Lomito-Smith, back on the beat after an extended hiatus following a particularly harrowing incident, just as fellow officers from her own precinct begin to die violent deaths under mysterious circumstances, and the only clues are weird, haunting camera footage that only Renee and her new partner, rookie Danny Holledge (Paper Towns and Death Note’s Natt Wolff), manage to see before it inexplicable wipes itself.  Something supernatural is stalking the City of Angels at night, and it’s got a serious grudge against local cops as the increasingly disturbing investigation slowly brings an act of horrific police brutality to light, until Renee no longer knows who in her department she can trust.  This is one of the most insidious scare-fests I’ve enjoyed so far this year, sophomore director Malik Vitthal (Imperial Dreams) weaving an effective atmosphere of pregnant dread and wire-taut suspense while delivering some impressively hair-raising shocks (the stunning minimart sequence is the film’s undeniable highlight), while the ghostly threat is cleverly thought-out and skilfully brought to “life”.  Blige delivers another top-drawer performance, giving Renee a winning combination of wounded fragility and steely resolve that makes for a particularly compelling hero, while Wolff invests Danny with skittish uncertainty and vulnerability in one of his strongest performances to date, and Dexter star David Zayas brings interesting moral complexity to the role of their put-upon superior, Sergeant Kesper.  In these times of heightened social awareness, when the police’s star has become particularly tarnished as unnecessary force, racial profiling and cover-ups have become major hot-button topics, the power and relevance of this particular slice of horror cinema cannot be denied.

9.  BLOOD QUANTUM – it certainly has been a great year for horror, and for most of the summer this was the genre leader, a compellingly fresh take on the zombie outbreak genre with a killer hook.  Canadian writer-director Jeff Barnaby (Rhymes for Young Ghouls) has always clung close to his Native American roots, and he brings strong social relevance to the intriguing early 80s Canadian setting as a really nasty zombie virus wreaks havoc in the Red Crow Indian Reservation and its neighbouring town.  It soon becomes clear, however, that members of the local tribe are immune to the infection, a revelation with far-reaching consequences as the outbreak rages unchecked and society begins to crumble.  Barnaby pulls off some impressive world-building and creates a compellingly grungy post-apocalyptic vibe as the story progresses, while the zombies themselves are a visceral, scuzzy bunch, and there’s plenty of cracking set-pieces and suitably full-blooded kills to keep the gore-hounds happy, while the horror has real intelligence behind it, the script posing interesting questions and delivering some uncomfortable answers.  The characters, meanwhile, are a well-drawn, complex bunch, no black-and-white saviours among them, any one of them capable of some pretty inhuman horrors when the chips are down, and the cast, an interesting mix of seasoned talent and unknowns, all excel in their roles – Michale Greyeyes (Fear the Walking Dead) and Forrest Goodluck (The Revenant) are the closest things the film has to real heroes, the former a fallible everyman as Traylor, the small-town sheriff who’s just trying to do right by his family, the latter unsure of himself as his son, put-upon teenage father-to-be Joseph; meanwhile, Olivia Scriven is tough but vulnerable as his pregnant white girlfriend Charlie, Stonehorse Lone Goeman is a grizzled badass as tough-as-nails tribal elder Gisigu, and Kiowa Gordon (probably best known for playing a werewolf in the Twilight movies) really goes to the dark side as Joseph’s delinquent half-brother Lysol, while there’s a memorably subtle turn from Dead Man’s Gary Farmer as unpredictable loner Moon.  This is definitely one of the year’s darkest films – by and large playing the horror straight, it tightens the screws as the situation grows steadily worse, and almost makes a virtue of wallowing in its hopeless tone – but there’s a fatalistic charm to all the bleakness, even in the downbeat yet tentatively hopeful climax, while it’s hard to deny the ruthless efficiency of the violence on display. This certainly isn’t a horror movie for everyone, but those with a strong stomach and relatively hard heart will find much to enjoy here.  Jeff Barnaby is definitely gonna be one to watch in the future …  

8.  PALM SPRINGS – the summer’s comedy highlight kind of snuck in under the radar, becoming something of an on-demand secret weapon with all the cinemas closed, and it definitely deserves its swiftly growing cult status.  You certainly can’t possibly believe it’s the feature debut of director Max Barbakow, who shows the kind of sharp-witted, steady-handed control of his craft that’s usually the province of far more experienced talents … then again, much of the credit must surely go to seasoned TV comedy writer Andy Siara (Lodge 49), for whom this has been a real labour of love he’s been tending since his film student days.  Certainly all that care, nurture and attention to detail is up there on the screen, the exceptional script singing its irresistible siren song from the start and providing fertile ground for its promising new director to spread his own creative wings.  The premise may be instantly familiar – playing like a latter-day Saturday Night Live take on Groundhog Day (Siara admits it was a major influence), it follows the misadventures of Sarah (How I Met Your Mother’s Cristin Miliota), the black sheep maid of honour at her sweet little sister Tala’s (Riverdale’s Camila Mendes) wedding to seemingly perfect hunk Abe (Supergirl’s Superman, Tyler Hoechlin), as she finds herself repeating the same high-stress day over and over again after being trapped in a mysterious cosmic time-loop along with slacker misanthrope Nyles (Brooklyn Nine Nine megastar Andy Samberg), who’s been stuck in this same situation for MUCH longer – but in Barbakow and Siara’s hands it feels fresh and intriguing, and goes in some surprising new directions before the well-worn central premise can outstay its welcome.  It certainly doesn’t hurt that the cast are uniformly excellent – Miliota is certainly the pounding emotional heart of the film, effortlessly lovable as she flounders against her lot, then learns to accept the unique possibilities it presents, before finally resolving to find a way out, while Samberg has rarely been THIS GOOD, truly endearing in his sardonic apathy as it becomes clear he’s been stuck like this for CENTURIES, and they make an enjoyably fiery couple with snipey chemistry to burn; meanwhile there’s top-notch support from Mendes and Hoechlin, The OC’s Peter Gallagher as Sarah and Tala’s straight-laced father, the ever-reliable Dale Dickey, a thoroughly adorable turn from Jena Freidman and, most notably, a full-blooded scene-stealing performance from the mighty J.K. Simmonds as Roy, Nyles’ nemesis, who he inadvertently trapped in the loop before Sarah and is, understandably, none too happy about it.  This really is an absolute laugh-riot, today’s more post-modern sense of humour allowing the central pair (and their occasional enemy) to indulge in even more extreme consequence-free craziness than Bill Murray ever got away with back in the day, but like all the best comedies there’s also a strong emotional foundation under the humour, leading us to really care about these people and what happens to them, while the story throws moments of true heartfelt power at us, particularly in the deeply cathartic climax.  Ultimately this was one of the summer’s biggest surprises, a solid gold gem that I can’t recommend enough.

7.  THE LAST DAYS OF AMERICAN CRIME – the summer’s other heavyweight Zeitgeist fondler is a deeply satirical chunk of speculative dystopian sci-fi clearly intended as a cinematic indictment of Trump’s broken America, but it became far more potent and prescient in these … ahem … troubled times.  Adapted by screenwriter Karl Gadjusek (Oblivion, Stranger Things, The King’s Man) from the graphic novel by Rick Remender and Greg Tocchini for underrated schlock-action cinema director Olivier Megaton (Transporter 3, Colombiana, the last two Taken films), this Netflix original feature seemed like a fun way to kill a cinema-deprived Saturday night in the middle of the Lockdown, but ultimately proved to have a lot more substance than expected.  It’s powered by an intriguing premise – in a nearly lawless 2024, the US government is one week away from implementing a nationwide synaptic blocker signal called the API (American Peace Initiative) which will prevent the public from being able to commit any kind of crime – and focuses on a strikingly colourful bunch of outlaw antiheroes with an audacious agenda – prodigious Detroit bank robber Bricke (Édgar Ramiréz) is enlisted by Kevin Cash (Funny Games and Hannibal’s Michael Carmen Pitt), a wayward scion of local crime family the Dumois, and his hacker fiancée Shelby Dupree (Material Girl’s Anna Brewster) to pull off what’s destined to be the last great crime in American history, a daring raid on the night of the signal to steal over a billion dollars from the Motor City’s “money factory” and then escape across the border into Canada.  From this deceptively simple premise a sprawling action epic was born, carried along by a razor sharp, twisty script and Megaton’s typically hyperbolic, showy auteur directing style and significant skill at crafting thrillingly explosive set-pieces, while the cast consistently deliver quality performances.  Ramiréz has long been one of those actors I really love to watch, a gruff, quietly intense alpha male whose subtle understatement hides deep reserves of emotional intensity, while Dupree takes a character who could have been a thinly-drawn femme fetale and invests her with strong personal drive and steely resolve, and there’s strong support from Neil Blomkampf regulars Sharlto Copley and Brandon Auret as, respectively, emasculated beat cop Sawyer and brutal Mob enforcer Lonnie French, as well as a nearly unrecognisable Patrick Bergin as local kingpin (and Kevin’s father) Rossi Dumois; the film is roundly stolen, however, by Pitt, a phenomenal actor I’ve always thought we just don’t see enough of, here portraying a spectacularly sleazy, unpredictable force of nature who clearly has his own dark agenda, but whom we ultimately can’t help rooting for even as he stabs us in the back.  This is a cracking film, a dark and dangerous thriller of rare style and compulsive verve that I happily consider to be Megaton’s best film to date BY FAR – needless to say it was a major hit for Netflix when it dropped, clearly resonating with its audience given what’s STILL going on in the real world, and while it may have been roundly panned in reviews I think, like some of the platform’s other more glossy Original hits (Bright springs to mind), it’s destined for a major critical reappraisal and inevitable cult status before too long …

6.  HAMILTON – arriving just as Black Lives Matter reached fever-pitch levels, this feature presentation of the runaway Broadway musical smash-hit could not have been better timed.  Shot over three nights during the show’s 2016 run with the original cast and cut together with specially created “setup shots”, it’s an immersive experience that at once puts you right in amongst the audience (at times almost a character themselves, never seen but DEFINITELY heard) but also lets you experience the action up close.  And what action – it’s an incredible show, a thoroughly fascinating piece of work that reads like something very staid and proper on paper (an all-encompassing biographical account of the life and times of American Founding Father Alexander Hamilton) but, in execution, becomes something very different and EXTREMELY vital.  The execution certainly couldn’t be further from the usual period biopic fare this kind of historical subject matter usually gets (although in the face of recent top-notch revisionist takes like Marie Antoinette, The Great and Tesla it’s not SO surprising), while the cast is not at all what you’d expect – with very few notable exceptions the cast is almost entirely people of colour, despite the fact that the real life individuals they’re playing were all very white indeed.  That said, every single one of them is an absolute revelation – the show’s writer-composer Lin-Manuel Miranda (already riding high on the success of In the Heights) carries the central role of Hamilton with effortless charm and raw star power, Leslie Odom Jr. (Smash, Murder On the Orient Express) is duplicitously complex as his constant nemesis Aaron Burr, Christopher Jackson (In the Heights, Moana, Bull) oozes integrity and nobility as his mentor and friend George Washington, Phillipa Soo is sweet and classy as his wife Eliza while Renée Elise Goldsberry (The Immortal Life of Henrietta Jacks, Altered Carbon) is fiery and statuesque as her sister Angelica Schuyler (the one who got away), and Jonathan Groff (Mindhunter) consistently steals every scene he’s in as fiendish yet childish fan favourite King George III; ultimately, however, the show (and the film) belongs to veritable powerhouse Daveed Diggs (Blindspotting, TV’s Snowpiercer) in a spectacular duel role, starting subtly but gaining scene-stealing momentum as French Revolutionary Gilbert du Motier, the Marquis de Lafayette, before EXPLODING onto the stage in the second half as indomitable eventual American President Thomas Jefferson.  Not having seen the stage show, I was taken completely by surprise by this, revelling in its revisionist genius and offbeat, quirky hip-hop charm, spellbound by the skilful ease with which is takes the sometimes quite dull historical fact and skews it into something consistently entertaining and absorbing, transported by the catchy earworm musical numbers and thoroughly tickled by the delightfully cheeky sense of humour strung throughout (at least when I wasn’t having my heart broken by moments of raw dramatic power). Altogether it’s a pretty unique cinematic experience I wish I could have actually gotten to see on the big screen, and one I’ve consistently recommended to all my friends, even the ones who don’t usually like musicals.  As far as I’m concerned it doesn’t need a proper Les Misérables style screen adaptation – this is about as perfect a presentation as the show could possibly hope for.

5.  SPUTNIK – the summer’s horror highlight (despite SERIOUSLY tough competition) is a guaranteed sleeper hit that I almost totally missed, stumbling across the trailer one day on YouTube and being completely bowled over by its potential, prompting me to hunt it down by any means necessary.  The feature debut of Russian director Egor Abramenko, this first contact sci-fi chiller is about as far from E.T. as it’s possible to get, sharing some of the same DNA as Carpenter’s The Thing but proudly carving its own path with consummate skill and definitely signalling great things to come from its brand new helmer and relative unknown screenwriters Oleg Malovichko and Andrei Zolotarev.  Oksana Akinshina (probably best known in the West for her powerful climactic cameo in The Bourne Supremacy) is the beating heart of the film as neurophysiologist Tatyana Yuryevna Klimova, brought in to aid in the investigation in the Russian wilderness circa 1983 after an orbital research mission goes horribly wrong.  One of the cosmonauts dies horribly, while the other, Konstantin (The Duelist’s Pyotr Fyodorov) seems unharmed, but it quickly becomes clear that he’s now playing host to something decidedly extraterrestrial and potentially terrifying, and as Tatyana becomes more deeply embroiled in her assignment she comes to realise that her superiors, particularly mysterious Red Army project leader Colonel Semiradov (The PyraMMMid’s Fyodor Bondarchuk), have far darker plans for Konstantin and his new “friend” than she could ever imagine.  This is about as dark, intense and nightmarish as this particular sub-genre gets, a magnificently icky body horror that slowly builds its tension as we’re gradually exposed to the various truths and the awful gravity of the situation slowly reveals itself, punctuated by skilfully executed shocks and some particularly horrifying moments when the evils inflicted by the humans in charge prove to be far worse than anything the alien can do, while the ridiculously talented writers have a field day pulling the rug out from under us again and again, never going for the obvious twist and keeping us guessing right to the devastating ending, while the beautifully crafted digital creature effects are nothing short of astonishing and thoroughly creepy.  Akinshina dominates the film with her unbridled grace, vulnerability and integrity, the relationship that develops between Tatyana and Konstantin (Fyodorov delivering a beautifully understated turn belying deep inner turmoil) feeling realistically earned as it goes from tentatively wary to ultimately, tragically bittersweet, while Bondarchuk invests the Colonel with a subtly nuanced air of tarnished authority and restrained brutality that makes him one of my top screen villains for the year.  Guaranteed to go down as one of 2020’s great sleeper hits, I can’t speak of this film highly enough – it’s a genuine revelation, an instant classic for whom I’ll sing its praises for the remainder of the year and beyond, and I wish utmost success to all the creative talents involved in the future.  The Invisible Man still rules the roost in the year’s horror stakes, but this runs a VERY close second …

4.  GREYHOUND – when the cinemas closed back in March, the fate of many of the major summer blockbusters we’d been looking forward to was thrown into terrible doubt. Some were pushed back to more amenable dates in the autumn or winter, others knocked back a whole year to fill summer slots for 2021, but more than a few simply dropped off the radar entirely with the terrible words “postponed until further notice” stamped on them, and I lamented them all, this one in particular.  It hung in there longer than some, stubbornly holding onto its June release slot for as long as possible, but eventually it gave up the ghost too … but thanks to Apple TV+, not for long, ultimately releasing less than a month later than intended.  Thankfully the final film was worth the fuss, a taut World War II suspense thriller that’s all killer, no filler – set during the infamous Battle of the Atlantic, it portrays the constant life-or-death struggle faced by the Allied warships assigned to escort the transport convoys as they crossed the ocean, defending their charges from German U-boats.  Adapted from C.S. Forester’s famous 1955 novel The Good Shepherd by Tom Hanks and directed by Aaron Schneider (Get Low), the narrative focuses on the crew of the escort leader, American destroyer USS Fletcher, codenamed Greyhound, and in particular its captain, Commander Ernest Krause (Hanks), a career sailor serving his first command.  As they cross “the Pit”, the most dangerous mid stretch of the journey where they spend days without air-cover, they find themselves shadowed by “the Wolf Pack”, a particularly cunning group of German subs that begin to pick away at the convoy’s stragglers.  Faced with daunting odds, a dwindling supply of vital depth-charges and a ruthless, persistent enemy, Krause must make hard choices to bring his ships home safe … jumping into the thick of the action within the first ten minutes and maintaining that tension for the remainder of its trim 90-minute run, this is screen suspense par excellence, a sleek textbook example of how to craft a compelling big screen knuckle-whitener with zero fat and maximum reward, delivering a series of desperate naval scraps packed with hide-and-seek intensity, heart-in-mouth near-misses and fist-in-air cathartic payoffs by the bucket-load.  Hanks is subtly magnificent, the calm centre of the narrative storm as a supposed newcomer to this battle arena who could have been BORN for it, bringing to mind the similarly unflappable turn he delivered in Captain Phillips and certainly not suffering by comparison; by and large he’s the focus point, but other crew members do make strong (if sometimes quite brief) impressions, particularly Stephen Graham as Krause’s reliably seasoned XO, Lt. Commander Charlie Cole, The Magnificent Seven’s Manuel Garcia-Rulfo and Just Mercy’s Rob Morgan, while Elisabeth Shue does a lot with a very small part in brief flashbacks as Krause’s fiancée Evelyn.  Relentless, powerful, exhilarating and thoroughly unforgettable, this was one of the true action highlights of the summer, and one hell of a war flick.  I’m so glad it made the cut for the season …

3.  PROJECT POWER – with Marvel and DC pushing their tent-pole titles back into late autumn in the face of COVID, the usual superhero antics we’ve come to expect over the main blockbuster season were pretty thin on the ground, leading us to find our geeky fan thrills elsewhere.  Unfortunately, pickings were frustratingly slim – Korean comic book actioner Gundala was entertaining but workmanlike, while Thor AU-take Mortal was underwhelming despite strong direction from Troll Hunter’s André Øvredal, and I’ve already made my feelings clear on the frustration of The New Mutants – thank the Gods, then, for Netflix, once again riding to the rescue with this enjoyably offbeat super-thriller, which takes an intriguing central premise and really runs with it.  New designer drug Power has hit the streets of New Orleans, able to give anyone who takes it a superpower for five minutes … the only problem is, until you try it, you won’t know what your own unique talent is – for some, it could mean five minutes of invisibility, or insane levels of super-strength, but other powers can be potentially lethal, the really unlucky buggers just blowing up on the spot.  Robin (The Hate U Give’s Dominique Fishback) is a teenage Power-pusher with dreams of becoming a rap star, dealing the pills so she can help her diabetic mum; Frank Shaver (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is one of her customers, an NOPD detective who uses his power of near invulnerability to even the playing field when powered crims cause a disturbance.  Their lives are turned upside down when Art (Jamie Foxx) arrives in town – he’s a seriously badass ex-soldier determined to hunt down the source of Power by any means necessary, and he’s not above tearing the Big Easy apart to do it.  This is a fun, gleefully infectious  rollercoaster that doesn’t take itself too seriously, revelling in the anarchic potential of its premise and crafting some suitably OTT effects-driven chaos brought to pleasingly visceral fruition by its skilfully inventive director, Ariel Schulman (Catfish, Nerve, Viral), while Mattson Tomlin (the screenwriter of next year’s incendiary DCEU headline act The Batman) takes his script in some very interesting directions and poses some fascinating questions about what Power’s TRULY capable of.  Gordon-Levitt and Fishback are both brilliant, the latter particularly impressing in what’s sure to be a major breakthrough role for her, and the friendship their characters share is pretty adorable, while Foxx really is a force to be reckoned with, pretty chill even when he’s in deep shit but fully capable of turning into a bona fide killing machine at the flip of a switch, and there’s strong support from Westworld’s Rodrigo Santoro as Biggie, Power’s delightfully oily kingpin, Courtney B. Vance as Frank’s by-the-book superior, Captain Crane, Amy Landecker as Gardner, the morally bankrupt CIA spook responsible for the drug’s production, and Machine Gun Kelly as Newt, a Power dealer whose explosive pyrotechnic “gift” really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Exciting, inventive, frequently amusing and infectiously likeable, this was some of the most uncomplicated “cinematic” fun I had this summer.  Not bad for something which I’m sure was originally destined to become one of the season’s B-list features …

2.  THE OLD GUARD – Netflix’s undisputable TOP OFFERING of the summer came damn close to bagging the whole season, and I can’t help thinking that even if some of the stiffer competition had still been present it may well have still finished this high. Gina Prince-Blythewood (Love & Basketball, the Secret Life of Bees) directs comics legend Greg Rucka’s adaptation of his own popular title with uncanny skill and laser-focused visual flair considering there’s nothing on her previous CV to suggest she’d be THIS good at mounting a stomping good ultraviolent action thriller, ushering in this thoroughly engrossing tale of four ancient, invulnerable immortal warriors – Andy AKA Andromache of Scythia (Charlize Theron), Booker AKA Sebastian de Livre (Matthias Schoenaerts), Joe AKA Yusuf Al-Kaysani (Wolf’s Marwan Kenzari) and Nicky AKA Niccolo di Ginova (Trust’s Luca Marinelli) – who’ve been around forever, hiring out their services as mercenaries for righteous causes while jealously guarding their identities for fear of horrific experimentation and exploitation should their true natures ever be discovered.  Their anonymity is threatened, however, when they’re uncovered by former CIA operative James Copley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), working for the decidedly dodgy pharmaceutical conglomerate run by sociopathic billionaire Steven Merrick (Harry Melling, formerly Dudley in the Harry Potter movies), who want to capture these immortals so they can patent whatever it is that makes them keep on ticking … just as a fifth immortal, US Marine Nile Freeman (If Beale Street Could Talk’s KiKi Layne), awakens after being “killed” on deployment in Afghanistan.  The supporting players are excellent, particularly Ejiofor, smart and driven but ultimately principled and deeply conflicted about what he’s doing, even if he does have the best of intentions, and Melling, the kind of loathsome, reptilian scumbag you just love to hate, but the film REALLY DOES belong to the Old Guard themselves – Schoenaerts is a master brooder, spot-on casting as the group’s relative newcomer, only immortal since the Napoleonic Wars but clearly one seriously old soul who’s already VERY tired of the lifestyle, while Joe and Nicky (who met on opposing sides of the Crusades) are simply ADORABLE, an unapologetically matter-of-fact gay couple who are sweet, sassy and incredibly kind, the absolute emotional heart of the film; it’s the ladies, however, that are most memorable here.  Layne is exceptional, investing Nile with a steely intensity that puts her in good stead as her new existence threatens to overwhelm her and MORE THAN qualified to bust heads alongside her elders … but it’s ancient Greek warrior Andy who steals the film, Theron building on the astounding work she did in Atomic Blonde to prove, once and for all, that there’s no woman on Earth who looks better kicking arse than her (as Booker puts it, “that woman has forgotten more ways to kill than entire armies will ever learn”); in her hands, Andy truly is a goddess of death, tough as tungsten alloy and unflappable even in the face of hell itself, but underneath it all she hides a heart as big as any of her friends’. They’re an impossibly lovable bunch and you feel you could follow them on another TEN adventures like this one, which is just as well, because Prince-Blythewood and Rucka certainly put them through their paces here – the drama is high (but frequently laced with a gentle, knowing sense of humour, particularly whenever Joe and Nicky are onscreen), as are the stakes, and the frequent action sequences are top-notch, executed with rare skill and bone-crunching zest, but also ALWAYS in service to the story. Altogether this is an astounding film, a genuine victory for its makers and, it seems, for Netflix themselves – it’s become one of the platform’s biggest hits to date, earning well-deserved critical acclaim and great respect and genuine geek love from the fanbase at large. After this, a sequel is not only inevitable, it’s ESSENTIAL …

1.  TENET – granted, the streaming platforms (particularly Netflix and Amazon) certainly did save our cinematic summer, but I’m still IMMEASURABLY glad that the season’s ultimate top-spot winner was one I got to experience on THE BIG SCREEN.  You gotta hand it to Christopher Nolan, he sure hung in there, stubbornly determined that his latest cinematic masterpiece WOULD be released in cinemas in the summer (albeit ultimately landing JUST inside the line in the final week of August), and it was worth all the fuss because, for me, this was THE PERFECT MOVIE for me to get return to cinemas with.  I mean, okay, in the end it WASN’T the FIRST new movie I saw after the reopening, that honour went to Unhinged, but THIS was my first real Saturday night out big screen EXPERIENCE since March.  Needless to say, Nolan didn’t disappoint this time any more than he has on any of his consistently spectacular previous releases, delivering another twisted, mind-boggling headfuck of a full-blooded experiential sensory overload that comes perilously close to toppling his long-standing auteur-peak, Inception (itself second only by fractions to The Dark Knight as far as I’m concerned). To say much at all about the plot would give away major spoilers – personally I’d recommend just going in as cold as possible, indeed you really should just stop reading this right now and just GO SEE IT.  Still with us?  Okay … the VERY abridged version is that it’s about a secret war being waged between the present and the future by people capable of “inverting” time in substances, objects, people, whatever, into which the Protagonist (BlacKkKlansman’s John David Washington), an unnamed CIA agent, has been dispatched in order to prevent a potential coming apocalypse. Washington is once again on top form, crafting a robust and compelling morally complex heroic lead who’s just as comfortable negotiating the minefields of black market intrigue as he is breaking into places or dispatching heavies, Kenneth Branagh delivers one of his most interesting and memorable performances in years as brutal Russian oligarch Andrei Sator, a genuinely nasty piece of work who may be the year’s very best screen villain, Elizabeth Debicki (The Night Manager, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Widows) brings strength, poise and wounded integrity to the role of Sator’s estranged wife, Kat, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson gets to use his own accent for once as tough-as-nails British Intelligence officer Ives, while there are brief but consistently notable supporting turns and cameos from Martin Donovan, Yesterday’s HImesh Patel, Dirk Gently’s Fiona Dourif and, of course, Nolan’s good luck charm, Michael Caine.  The cast’s biggest surprise, however, is Robert Pattinson, truly a revelation in what has to be, HANDS DOWN, his best role to date, Neil, the Protagonist’s mysterious handler – he’s by turns cheeky, slick, duplicitous and thoroughly badass, delivering an enjoyably multi-layered, chameleonic performance which proves what I’ve long maintained, that the former Twilight star is actually a fucking amazing actor, and on the basis of this, even without that amazing new teaser trailer making the rounds, I think the debate about whether or not he’s the right choice for the new Batman is now academic.  As we’ve come to expect from Nolan, this is a TRUE tour-de-force experience, a visual masterpiece and an endlessly engrossing head-scratcher, Nolan’s screenplay bringing in some seriously big ideas and throwing us some major narrative knots and loopholes, constantly wrong-footing the viewer while also setting up truly revelatory payoffs from seemingly low-key, unimportant beginnings – this is a film you need to be awake and attentive for or you could miss something pretty vital.  The action sequences are, as ever, second to none, some of the year’s very best set-pieces coming thick and fast and executed with some of the most accomplished skill in the business, while Nolan-regular cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema (Interstellar and Dunkirk, as well as the heady likes of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, SPECTRE and Ad Astra) once again shows he’s one of the best camera-wizards in the business today by delivering some truly mesmerising visuals.  Notably, Nolan’s other regular collaborator, composer Hans Zimmer, is absent here (although he has good reason, currently working on his dream project, the fast-approaching screen adaptation of Dune), but Ludwig Göransson (best known for his regular collaborations with Ryan Coogler on the likes of Fruitvale Station, Creed and Black Panther, as well as truly awesome work on The Mandalorian) makes for a fine replacement, crafting an intriguingly internalised, post-modern musical landscape that thrums and pulses in time with the story and emotions of the characters rather than the action itself. Interestingly it’s on the subject of sound that some of the film’s rare detractions have been levelled, and I can see some of the points – the soundtrack mix is an all-encompassing thing, and there are times when the dialogue can be overwhelmed, but in Nolan’s defence as a film this is a heady, immersive experience, something you really need to concentrate on, so these potential flaws are easily forgiven.  As a piece of filmmaking art, this is another flawless wonder from one of the true masters of the craft working in cinema today, but it’s art with palpable substance, a rewarding whole that really HAS TO BE experienced on the big screen.  So put your snobbery at post-lockdown restrictions aside for the moment and get yourself down to your nearest cinema so you can experience it for yourself.  You won’t be disappointed.  Right now, this is my movie of the year, and with only one possible exception, I really don’t see that changing …