#altho this one kinda applies here I feel like

[narwhalandchill]

also finished the 4.7 AQ and like . well firstly rip to all the sinner theories where it was like could it be nibelung or someone else and all like that was a bit tragic but thats the nature of theories i suppose. i do think it makes sense that the bigger players arent just all going to be figures we Already know of but yea.

overall i think it was like. quite good but also kinda suffers from the way these quests just Have to be an annual thing especially with how short it was? i saw a comment being like this feels like it shouldve been the epilogue to caribert and i kinda agree . also as much as it is appreciated that we Do get some direct answers to big lore questions in the quest was kind of a exposition dump in that sense . fade to black w the abyss sib and dain duel was certainly a Choice 💀

caribert truly is a sweetheart man i didnt expect him to pop up but i feel so bad for him now. except for the loomzoning atossa thing i get that he had no choice on the matter but that was rough for ur girl 😭😭

iiiiiii dunno how to feel about the whole we forget all about the reunion anyway when traveler Remembering as a descender has been established as such a core thing like it kinda feels like a copout im ngl . guess we are just now . aware of information as players that the traveler is not privy to . considering im already more than a little wary towards the general concept of like. memory erasure slash irminsul stuff when it comes to genshins writing im definitely feeling conflicted w this . also applies to the loom of fate editing reality thing . like okay on some level yes it is cool to include such prevalent elements of like. uncertainty and unreliable narration but in worst case those concepts are also v easy for a careless writing team to just. run off w and end up w a convoluted mess so i rly rly hope that wont end up the case

anyway. so the sinners are the big deal this time around i suppose and like. not that i wasnt necessarily expecting surtalogi to indeed be khaenriahn but the confirmation is certainly here now. no particular feelings on this from me im afraid bc like. Highly unpopular lore thing from me but both khaenriah n hexenzirkel (the latter more so than former) are kinda these. big lore topics and entities that i logically Do know and acknowledge as the massive deals they are to the story. but they just arent sth i have so far gotten that invested in altho khaenriah i have somewhat warmed up to . hexenzirkel still feels too much like an unnecessary presence to me lmao i might be missing out on stuff but if the abyss order arguably has a lack of story presence issue then the witches have it like 5 times worse 💀 But point being surtalogi being part of this whole crew of transcendent beings from khaenriah that became sinners is like . okay then isiskskskdk its not that big a deal for me

i think the most meaningful implications from that (in terms of My personal lore fixations at least *cough*) just have to do w like . sth id already been thinking about even before we got the confirmation of the visionary as the sinner that clothar found (which was a big theory anyway that i did personally find very compelling and well its canon now). and that is just the way that like . when skirk compared surtalogi as one in pursuit of "perfection" and brought up the visionary and rhinedottir as two ppl akin to him. that and the narzissenkreuz note about primordial human essentially being the synonym for descenders . & how rhines magnum opus was the primordial human PROJECT aka in light of this note. Very likely to be an attempt at Creating a descender . and how the sinners and abyss orders loom of fate is obviously just another pathway into accessing some sorta will or way to rival the world and defy the heavenly principles . became this thing where i was like 90% convinced and now 100% convinced that if the "perfection" both gold and the visionary pursue is indeed a descenders will in one form or another . then surtalogis aims Must involve the same fucking thing

which naturally gets us back to the insane ajax theory territory bc . if what connects those 3 (and post 4.7 more like. All the transcendent sinners from khaenriah) is getting to that world rivaling will. Then it sure fucking makes Everything surtalogi is doing and planning w both the narwhal and ajax Very Interesting . like it sure is curious that These would be the things surtalogi is occupying himself with if its indeed a descender he seeks . so like . Yeah we dont need to get into 3rd descender stuff but one thing i sure do think is becoming less and less like crackpot speculation and more and more and explicitly foreshadowed future direction for childes arc is that. one way or another. he is going to be involved with the subject of becoming a descender . bc like. if gold tried creating one w alchemy. and if the visionary is Literally creating a loom of fate to serve as the machine capable of weaving a worlds worth of leylines and destiny aka just a descender equivalent machine . then it sure wouldnt make sense for surtalogi to be putting all this heavy effort and resources (as skirk commented on) towards acquiring and possibly subduing an interstellar voyager like the narwhal and getting his student to look for and train the weird kid with a possibly innate connection w it. Without that serving a role in His brand of descender equivalency that hes seeking as a sinner. So yeah childe long term relevance stocks are definitely up w this one guys Trust

but yea thats on surtalogi for me . Point being its not rly a New suspicion for me (like ever since primordial human project started sounding like DIY descender lab project i was thinking this) but i think its been absolutely further affirmed by directly linking surtalogi to the sinners of khaenriah that more likely than not seem like theyre All going to be ppl who used the abyss to seek the power of a descender in a variety of ways???? so thats very neat . wonder who the other 2 will turn out to be then .

another thing to do w the sinners is also like. the way that if we do count dainsleif among them just as one that Didnt jusr abandon the ppl during the cataclysm . there is obviously that doomed number of Six there . so like pygmy theories have been going wild already in the few days it took me to catch up w the AQ but im just kinda . i Still think pale princess is most likely to be about an irminsuled event and be about sth far further back into the timeline than khaenriah and the cataclysm . theres things like rhe night mother specifically talking abt Thousands of years passing before the new hero (= 4th descender aka us most likely) appears to challenge her and also just the general way i still think pale princess aligns too much w the story of the seelie ancestor and her lover Not to be a story about that time period . so as much as the 5+1 sinners of khaenriah being the pygmies is like. Yes the numbers would finally add up clearly with no mental backflips needed unlike w the archons . but like all things considered im still a bit unconvinced. we shall see . that book is a menace anyway so its always gonna be a hot topic lmao like what is Up with it 💀

[musashi]

Hi there! I just wanted to say your hair is sooo pretty!! The color is fantastic! What is your hair care routine? It looks so healthy! Do you use pomade or gel to keep it in that hairstyle? Thank you for reading, I hope your day is great today!

awww thank you so much!!!

i think my hair being healthy looking is a combo of care & good genetics. but here's what i'm doing:

i do not bleach/dye my hair excessively. like, once a month at most. that might seem obvious but i knew people in high school who did it every other week. i don't do that

i do not actually wash my hair regularly because it dries out if i do, i have a 'wash day.' so i'll do once a week, twice if i'm feeling kinda greasy.

after bleaching & the week following i have a hair masque i use, i've gone through a few repairing ones over the years but i look for ones with both repairing nutrients and biotin because i've been trying to grow my hair out for ages

occasionally i will apply rosemary oil, again for growth mainly.

i take biotin supplements for the same reason.

the only product i use in my hair is hairspray! got2b for the win. to style its just that & a blow dry. annnd for shampoo i use herbal essences rose hips, same with my conditioner altho i also have extreme magenta overtone for if my colour fades too much to my liking.

[angeltism]

Hey friend, I hope that it's okay to respond to vents; if not please delete this I don't want to cross any boundaries!

But if it helps; I view you as a friend, even if we don't talk much! (Mainly because I don't reach out) I think you're really cool both in the sense of your editing style and knowing the real you, the things you reblog and are into and the things you talk about! I know I'm just one person, so I don't really imagine that me reaching out this way is all that reassuring, but I really hope we can become friends because I absolutely adore you/p and would love to get to know you more!

Talking to people and general interactions can be incredibly hard, don't be so hard on yourself for not being "good at it", heck, I can't really talk to people without Anon!

I certainly don't think you are annoying or anything, like I said- I think you're very cool! You're just hard on yourself! -☁️

DEAREST CLOUD ANONNIE WHAT IF I CRIED RN. SLASH POSITIVE. (ALTHO I DO NAWT ACTUALLY CRY VERY MUCH IRL,,)

This reply got LONG so err. under the cut. ☁️ anonnie u are really so niceys sobbing crying sosososo hard.

Okay okay ahem. So for replying to vents I don't typically mind?? It tends to be on a more case by case thing for me, but worst case I just don't reply to it or at the worst maybe have a slightly grumpy reply?? But unless I ever say like. To nawt reply. Then honestly go ahead if you feel like ya want to. I appreciate it in some/most circumstances, actually! But of course you don't have to. Yeahhh.

But anyways like. THABKYOU ACTUALLY 😭😭 this is sosososo kind of you. And I'm glad to know that beings on here actually like me, as it's pretty obvious at this point that I have some massive self esteem issues (/lh, just stating a fact, lol) so I do tend to be pretty hard on myself, I'll admit,,

and honestly I get nawt being able to talk to beings without anon!! I feel like I used to be much more social and able to appear "desirable" (platonically!! nawt some other way, just couldn't think of another word, lol) or generally likeable before some people knew me off-anon, which is. a pretty big part of my current insecurities tbh. so I get it and I'm glad to have somebeing to sympathize with, I guess? :} and again,, it's kinda stupid but getting reassurance from others is nice, even if it's only one person. I bet you're super cool off-anon, too, dear cloud anonnie!! <3 (platonic heart. and this also applies 2 all the other non nons I've gotten!! y'all have been nothing but sososososo nice omg)

Anyways er,, I would love to be your friend, dear cloud anonnie!! You have been oh so nice 2 me and seem really cool,, I'd love to get to know you and tell you about myself!! :3

[seelestia]

pssst hey your cool(?) virtual cousin here. would u like to visit my virtual house this weekend my husband will be cooking his signature slow-cooked bamboo shoot dish oh and also bring ur detective bf too, i'd like to interrogate talk 🙂nicely🙃 to him - yknow just some family bonding time <3 /j

pffffft i'm imagining poor zhongli having to take care of two hu taos sldkslkdls he's going to grow some white hairs lmao

childe helps him out to create a youtube channel and sends him scripts for zhongli to read.... some lines sounds a little questionable for an audiobook but what does he know, maybe it's just how young ppl these days talk? some kinda slang he doesn't really understand? but why do they all sound so romantic???

meanwhile childe cackles as he watches zhongli's latest asmr video goes trending and people are having a mental breakdown over his clueless friend's voice saying "welcome home, would you like to have a bath first, or dinner, or perhaps... a kiss?" slfjslkskdsl

hmmm i see i see *notes down on clipboard*

hhhhhhh yes i saw that trailer last night with my brother and i was like 'hmmm ok al haitham kinda cool' while he was all 'wow dehya girlboss badass'... 

i'm pretty sure they have a bot (or some kind of automation?) for monitoring the blogs :/ yeah i heard about that too hence the usual 'no spam liking!' rule on most blogs... but like, how many likes are counted as spam?? and within how many seconds?? ah well... i think i've moved for good anyway, tumblr can do whatever as long as my new blog is safe lol

me: m-mono anemo? / hyv: mono anemo :)

(pls hyv mercy i don't have any vayuda turquoise gems anymore xiao and jean and kazuha ate all of it-)

hskdjskdks probably... oh well i guess i'll just settle with seeing him from time to time on the rare times my brother kindly graces my noob acc with his fully built teams... one day, diluc will come home. that day might not be today. but one day....

LOL IKR shameless behavior i swear /lh and thank you!!! may all zhongli wanters be zhongli havers!!! i am crossing my fingers for everyone who pulls for the ceo of geo himself!!! hmmmm maybe i should try the 'apply element to character to increase the probability of the gacha' approach hshdjhd zhongli come home the power of money compels you

ah ok that's good! gotta eat your meals when you're still growing!! hehe zhongli wouldn't need to worry i always eat my meals altho i only have them twice per day - but i'd like to think that he'd watch contentedly as i happily nom on things tho he will probably give me a disapproving frown when he sees that i'm holding my chopsticks incorrectly oops

how dare you put the question next to the cool because i can vouch that it is the absolute truth. (/lh) i can visit but i must warn you that heizou said he is very much looking forward to it i am concerned. will our family bonding time become a heated debate... i'll go make some tea when that happens.

zhongli and constantly being surrounded by gen z's in modern au gives me life, and then we have venti who has perfectly integrated into the said generation without fail 🚶 oh, zhongli, the way you can put us all to sleep with just a few words <//3 (maleficent's spinning wheel could never fkekkdkfks) and childe definitely promised him a box of imported limited tea for it JFKWKKDS

v3.0 hype, aaaaa !! i didn't get to watch the livestream in real time, but i heard it crashed for a bit??? 2.8 flashbacks it feels like yesterday when people were fawning over inazuma's release and thinking that miko was the electro archon fwjfksjedk. sumeru just arrived, but it made me more excited for fontaine now because i just know i'm going to vibe with the city !! and it makes me think of a historical au with nobleman!ayato *COUGH*

and you're not just going to get diluc too !! tighnari and albedo will be added to the standard banner soon, so that's some new varieties to lose our 50/50 to ;D

mono anemo until there is a commission titled emergency and it's an eye of the storm FWSKDKS PHYSICAL XIAO, LET'S GO. (/j)

i usually have kokomi to heal heizou or klee when they take damage, but having zhongli will definitely and significantly increase the survivability of the team !! >:) my hp artifacts that i saved for yelan are waiting for you, grandpa. (/lh)

i shall need all the calcium and protein !! but the pride i feel knowing i'm the same height as xiao SENDS ME EVERY TIME. indeed, you are the super cool virtual cousin who has me on a leash and i thank you deeply for that, rin, nyehehe <3

p/s: your dynamic with zhongli reminds me of the down bad enthusiastic talker + the listener who sips tea who admires said talker fjwkdkkas

[hebescus]

remember this ship ask? yeah, i wanna do them all with lawlight bcs they control my brain. but it's a happy no death note au bcs it's me. oh and this shit is long plus it's 3 am rn so my words are very messy. but enjoy.

(i skip some numbers that i answered and the ones that i can't think of btw)

pre relationship :

How did they first meet?

L's investigation hq. he was a suspect of L, still, but this time he told soichiro to bring this 18 yo boy to the hq to test him, asking light to work with all of them. he ends up not guilty ofc, but L still wants to keep him…around.

What was their first impression of each other?

ah, the good old 'what the fuck dude???' from light and the 'oooh he got a big brain' from L. it's hard to get out of canon in this one.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

L. But it's more like thoughts, rather than feelings. It's just these random thoughts that pop out in his head like 'i don't mind kissing this guy, if he asks' but not like 'i want to kiss him' yknow what i mean? idk this is just something i experience a lot lmao. it develops to feelings once light falls for him and L can see that. So in terms of ideas, it's L, but in terms of feelings, it's Light.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Oh our favorite light denial yagami. Of course he's cursing himself for having feelings like this but once L calls it out he's over. 

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Light would laugh it off, and be like "i don't like him that way you know". L would shrugs be like "well yes that's possible, i don't think i mind". 

What would their lives be like if they had never met?

boring, lonely, empty, you name it

(more under the cut)

general :

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

hmm, they both initiated the relationship? ykwim? They both notices they had feelings for each other and just...go from there. they never have like a relationship talk, they just go with the flow until at some point they starts to get comfortable to refer the other as partners. They basically can read each other's mind, after all.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

Yes, sort of. A tennis game! And a coffee sesh after, just like canon. They plan this to be just "let's just relax, this case has been really exhausting, take a one day break, L" but when Light got home, sayu asked "how's the date going?!" He immediately said "it's not a date, you watch too many dramas it's rotting your brain" And sachiko gave him a smile while shaking her head at this statement and when he's back to his room he immediately calls L and was like "hey does that count as a date?" and L answers with "depends, do you want it to be?" with a smirk that light can hear.

What was their first kiss like?

it was late at night, light was helping L with the case when everybody went home. they were sharing their view about this certain criminal when light notices L staring at his lips, first he ignored it but it happens again and again to a point where their face just got real close and then...kiss, somehow. idk lmao.

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

First person who can understand each other and are equals, the only ones who can tear the other's wall down, and just practically soulmates in any form that even their sun & moon signs mirroring each other's? YES. 

What’s their height difference? Age difference?

i hc L as just a little bit taller than light, but it's not like you can see it through the hunch anyway. ofc we all know the 6 years and 4 months age gap

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Sayu likes L, Sachiko is kinda surprise Light doesn't date a typical pretty person, but it only makes her heart fonder. L doesn't mind them, he thinks they're nice, light grew up in a good place. Soichiro? Well, he might me a bit reluctant but he loosen up slowly, his son is happier than he ever was, after all.

Who takes the lead in social situations?

Light, obviously. Because he's a charmer and if L takes control, the person they speak to would run immediately the first 2 minutes.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

it is a universal knowledge that L does this. like, come on, count the fics, you can't, there's just so many. he loves to break that perfect wall and make light feel 🥴😳. it's entertaining. But he knows when to stop. too much of that will be embarrassing in light's part, and he respects his boy's dignity.

love :

Who said “I love you” first?

Light!! The thing is it was said over the phone. He gets more and more comfortable talking with L through calls, since every now and then L travel frok countries to countries. One time he just like "yeah, safe flight. love you, bye" he expected L to say goodnight to him as a response as usual but L was silent and he realised what he just said and realised that he fucking mean it. L seems to still be able to read his mind even thousands miles away so he replies with "i love you too, goodnight". they never missed seeing each other more than that night.

What are their primary love languages?

we had a discussion for this! but as we see in canon, they're both very acts of service with a little hint of physical touch here and there. quality time is also important. words and gift aren't really needed for them.

Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

L. Only to annoy light. It's terrible that he almost cringed to himself, but it does bring a good laugh for light.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

PDA is a not their preference, they just love being in private more. They might hold hands sometimes, butmost times they won't. Altho they always stand or sit reaaaaally glued to each other even though there are so many space. 

Who initiates kisses?

both. they want it, they got it. but light gives light kisses (ha) more, not necessarily on the lips, usually when L was really busy working, keeping his feet on the ground.

Who’s the big and little spoon?

They don't spoon a lot, they prefer not touching at all or cufdling face to face, but when they do, Light is the little spoon because being a big spoon makes his sleeping position kinda uncomfy, he feels awkward with his legs, it's just not. thankfully L thinks cuddling light this way is very calming.

What are their favorite things to do together?

Tennis and solving cases, duh. Or sometimes they play video games fighting each other. Anything competitive and/or challenging that make their brain grow 10 times bigger. But sometimes, a comfortingly peaceful and quiet dinner with hushed words thrown here and there about random things feels like the best thing ever.

Who’s more protective?

L. For identity reasons, ofc.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Physical. They can read each other's mind, they knew it by gesture, touches, and glances. 

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

IT'S MY TIME TO SHINE. venus by sleeping at last fits them so well, that song is in the background of multiple cozy couch smooches sessions or even when they're slow dancing (please listen to this tho song it's so good). also i think they would like persephone by the tragic thrills too, L would be like "this song reminds me of you" and Light answers with "i'm persephone?" "Yeah" "i'm a fucking badass then" "yes you are". oh and first day of my life? lover of mine? pink in the night? sweet creature? the lakes? oh god i have too much answers

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

they don't do nicknames, really. although, L sometimes called light with some snarky tony stark styled nicknames when he feels particularly playful but annoyed at the same time.

Who remembers the little things?

They both do. Big brained assholes they are.

domestic life :

If they get married, who proposes?

It's not really a proposal, they didn't  even remember who said it first. But one sleepy night after a hard case, someone said "hey you wanna get married" and the other was like "sure, why not" "really?" "yeah, i think i'm ready, you?" "me too" "great" and then they go to sleep. at breakfast the next morning L called watari from across the room and said "wammy i need you to prepare [enter marriage stuff here], and light, you must call your family after this". poor old watari chokes on his tea.

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

The wedding is in a secluded little place near the wammy's house, L used to go there a lot as a kid. With just light's parents, sayu, and watari. Well, not until Light caught Mello, Matt, Near, and Linda peeping from the bushes

Do they have any pets?

A chunky cat the wammy's kids feed daily but never try to keep them in, because no animals are allowed inside the orphanage. L saw it and was like "light let's bring this bitch home" she is, indeed a little bitch, but light and L loves her dearly. her fur has light brown and black colors, like both of their hairs, so she becomes their daughter, L gave him a weird ass name but i can't think about it rn.

Who kills the bugs in the house?

Light because he's the one who's actually bothers to. They ofc annoyed L but he cpuldnt care less to actually get rid of them.

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

L. He rarely sleeps and once he did, he wakes up very fucking late and will pull light back to the bed if he's woken up by the empty space beside him.

Who’s the better cook?

Light. L is a spoiled brat. But Light can't bale for shit, that's Watari's job. Light grow up learning and helping his mom making meals for the family. He's not the best, but it's good enough to make L craves them in between his sweets.

Who likes to dance?

None of them. But they would slow dance on rare, sentimental occasions. And it's like so fucking romantic bcs all the lights are off except for a candle or a table lamp or a cabinet lamp whatever that has yellow-y dim light. And they don't speak, they just casually move against each other, but heart ready to combust like i do when i the mental image came into my head.

[clarionglass]

so i’ve spent the last month falling headfirst into the magnus archives, and i’ve rapidly been coming to the conclusion that jonathan sims the archivist needs a hug and a rest, because he sure ain’t gonna get that in the series. hence i have applied my crochet “skills” to the creation of a tiny jon who can indeed get hugs when required! i worked on him while listening to tma, so hopefully some of the Jon Spirit (tm) has transferred into him....... i stand him in my room when i’m practising so it does kinda feel like he’s watching me, so maybe it worked? still, no nightmares, so i think tiny jon appreciates the hugs and the lack of apocalypse in his current situation

(yes i am going to make a crochet martin too, this is an absolute necessity. i’m just slightly less confident on his design so i’m being a bit reticent in starting him out....... if anyone has hard-and-fast This Is How Martin Should Look ideas then send em through)

there’s no exact pattern for “jon from tma” that i’ve been able to find, so this jon has been ganked out of some basics by allison hoffman (craftyiscool) on ravelry, and some common themes in fanart. credit where it’s due, i may have done the actual crocheting but boy he wouldn’t be nearly as good without all the work other people have done that i was able to draw on :)

more details on the making, and on each photo in the sequence, under the read more!

The Making of Tiny Jon

as above, tiny jon was ganked out of a few different amigurumi patterns by allison hoffman, with modifications by me as felt appropriate. the patterns i used are for worsted weight/10ply yarn, which is hard to get here, so the transition to using a few different brands of 8ply required a bit of messing about with. still, i think it was pretty successful! he stands upright without help, which is a first for me when using this kind of pattern. 

i’m honestly not sure where in the tma timeline he comes from. he has the post s1 and s3 scars visible, and in my heart, even though he’s just yarn, he has all of jon’s knowledge up to date, but he;s slightly too put-together looking for current jon. practically, giving him a ponytail wouldn’t have worked with the mass of yarn, and although i would have liked to give him a bit of facial scruff, i can’t crochet or embroider that convincingly. if any experienced crocheters out there have some tips, i’m happy to learn! let’s just call him a s5 mind in an early s3 body and be done with it. it’s my crochet, i can do what i want :)

the saddest day came when it was time to embroider those lil scars on his arms and hand... they kinda show up in some of the photos (see Tiny Jon Selects A Statement), but even if they’re not massively noticeable, i had to include them

there is a small green eye embroidered on the inside of his sweater vest, to sit just over his heart. it’s secret and nobody will ever see it, but it’s there.

pic 1: Tiny Jon

nothing much to say about this one aye. but there he is!

pic 2: Tiny Jon Sits On The Bookshelf

he works in an archive, and we have some fancy leather-bound books. i had to combine the two! plus it’s a nod to that good ol oxford pretension

pic 3: Tiny Jon Harbours Destructive Thoughts Re A Pile Of Potential Leitners

these are all books i own, selected for potential leitner-ness based on either title or content. neverwhere and picnic at hanging rock were selected on content (both the spiral), but you should be able to tell which entity applies to all the others (altho valley of fear is generic). doomsday book, though, despite the title, is not an end leitner, but is in fact a corruption leitner. i read this years ago, and remembered that it’s about a historian from the future (the 2050s, actually) going back in time to research the black death, with predictable tragedy. i forgot, however, that the b plot deals with a new flu-like pandemic in the “current day”...... eerily relevant, and also definitely open to be leitner-ised. tiny jon thinks so too, hence the matches.

pic 4: Tiny Jon Selects A Statement

again, self-explanatory.

pic 5: Tiny Jon Reads A Statement

it took me for-fkn-ever to mock up that tiny statement on magnus institute notepaper. it’s a 4-and-a-half page genuine statement written by yours truly, not just some squiggled-on pages or a shopping list or something, and is a mildly fictionalised version of something that has actually happened to me. if you can somehow strain your eyes and read it (would not recommend, i don’t think it’s actually possible), names and places have most definitely been changed because of my paranoia

i realise there is no tape recorder in shot! for the purposes of “canon” let’s just say that there is one on his desk, just out of shot. in reality, i’ll probably get around to making one out of polymer clay someday, but for the moment i just could not be arsed, and i was too impatient to delay the cute shot :)

pics 6-9: Tiny Jon Makes A Cuppa

in the absence of martin, tiny jon has to make his own tea.

[gins-potter]

Med 6x13 Thoughts

Nat's mum is getting sicker from the Med? *pretends to be shocked*

Will apologising? Who are you and what have you done with my favourite redhead?

Oh Will you really thought she was gonna wanna date you after that? Poor sweet dumb Will

Wait, no Maggie this ep? Sad face

Noooooo Sharon

This is so not the point but Sharon is wearing like converses/sneakers and it's kind of funny

Again kinda off topic but why do they have open lockers in the doctor's room thingo

Yay Maggie!

Waittttttt please tell me that's not Maggie's daughter, or at least if she is, that Maggie doesn't know she is

Ok, that is so her

Smooth Nat... not

That's not creepy at all, Crockett

Is that the same actor who's always played Bert?

Poor Sharon

Another sidenote but Epatha is such a great actress

Of course Will's gonna get into trouble over this

Is this... Dean... actually being nice?

Aaaaaaand of course he ignores April's suggestion

Oh Maggie is so gonna see her again

Altho if anyone could stick to her word about not seeing their bio daughter again it would be Maggie

Crockett don't be an ass

CROCKETT DON'T BE AN ASS

CROCKETT STOP BEING AN ASS

CROCKETT STOP BEING A FUCKING HYPOCRITE

"if you've got a problem with me don't bring it into the medicine" mate you're the one who walked in with a stick up your ass just because Will dared to touch your girlfriend on the arm

"you don't openly contradict me" what like you did?

Crockett my like for you is very tenuous and you're fucking pushing it

Wow so when Ethan suggests the SP tube it's a great idea, but not when April suggest it, I see how it is

Sharon do not walk in that room

Sharon stop walking in that room

Sharon leave that room

I'm trying so hard to feel sorry for this mother but like what the fuck was your son out riding on his own, in the dark, with no helmet

Dean don't go there

There's the asshole Dean we all know and don't love

Dean what the fuck is wrong with you?

"I never suggested that" bro you preempted the whole procedure but commenting on how close April and Ethan are, how is that not suggesting it?

Manipulative little jackass

Awww Bert, I never really liked you but that was cute

Okay I'll give Crockett the credit here, something *is* off with Nat at the moment

Crockett you were really pissing me off like twenty minutes ago and now I kinda feel sorry for you

Wow I am so shocked that Vanessa applied to Gaffney, so shocked

An olive branch from Dean mayhaps?

Deleting footage every 72 hours sounds very unsafe but okay

Nat you're a fucking terrible actor

O shit, that poor mum

I mean she kinda annoyed me but clearly she's doing the best she can

Sharon my motherfucking heart

It's such a small thing but like sometimes when you're down you just need that hand reaching down to help you up

A pretty solid episode

I mean it certainly made me feel things

[thewhizzyhead]

you very much Should Keep going (if you’d like) I’m reading your tags like 👀👀👀 I wanna know More!!!

dude believe me i only just thought up 90% 9f this while doing my math homework last night so yea this is very barebones and this is very very new have very little to offer but um imma try to explain a bit more fjdjdc SO ANYWAYS GRADE 11

Warning: this is very long and I am very sorry aaAAAA also i only just thought of this last night and a while ago while attending class so um yea it's chaotic.

the songs i've mentioned so far in the tag ramble aren't um consecutive so yeah there are a lot of blank spaces in between fjsjsj and yea I haven't figured out the other leads and their arcs yet (probably 5-6 leads). for now um the planned songs feature 3 of the leads:

Kate - basically answers the question of What If Eva Sanchez Was The Protagonist and What If Eva Sanchez Saw The Hell That Is Don't Even (in this show, this song is called "Anakpota?" or "The Fuck?"); she's a transferee and is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the new school environment; her reasons for transferring run a bit deeper than just "humanities is a lot more interesting than stem or business shits"; i guess her main character themes are burnout, the want for childlike wonder again and overcoming the fear that comes with chasing what you really want and no i am definitely not self projecting what are you guys talking about smh rhhdhs /hj (altho i admit that this is loosely based on my own experience with deciding to transfer schools) and yea she's a very closeted lesbian that slowly starts to comes out to others and to herself more throughout the course of the show. and also she gets a girlfriend YAY

Noel - rn i don't have that much planned out for him cause u know barebones plot but so far um i guess he's the chill dude, overall good guy, rantaro amami from danganronpa v3 vibes, and he's initially framed as the "love interest" for Kate esp in the song "Ikaw Ba Ay..." or "Are You..." (i wanted that to be a play on the typical Filipino Teen Hetero Romance CAUSE THAT SHIT IS IN EVERYWHERE JFJSJD I AM GONNA MAKE A WHOLEASS RANT ON THAT SOON AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME) but surprise motherfucker BOTH OF THEM ARE GAY AND BOTH BOND OVER IT AND BECOME BEST FRIENDS YAY WOOOO i kinda want him to be like the typical "Filipino Teen Heartthrob" star student with the twist being that he's gay and not make that a throwaway joke cause um yea that's a throwaway joke here that someone who is real catch for the heteros but is actually gay is "sayang" or "worthless" here.

Ella - ngl she is probably gonna end up as the main lead here fjdjd i'd say she has riley+chess vibes aka The School's Hotshot Achiever and Student Leader That Is Very Intimidating But Is Actually Really Freaking Kind and i guess with a dash of Kate Dalton-ish snark. Like i said the plot is barebones rn so i dunno anything but i do imagine them being the one that drives the plot forward due to her outspokenness. I also imagine her to be the one (along with Noel) that makes Kate a lil bit more comfortable with her sexuality and yup you guessed it Ella is gay too (bi to be specific oh and she uses she/they pronouns) and altho still a bit closeted, they're a bit more comfy with it. also they become Kate's gf yay!

those are the leads that i have kinda planned out so far but yea i still gotta expound kna lot of atuff and make up more leads for this but then again i just started conceptualizing this last night so ANYWAYS HERE ARE THE OTHERS SONGS THAT I LITERALLY JUST THOUGHT UP LAST NIGHT (aside from the ones already mentioned)

+ "Nakakapanibago" or "Well This Is New" - Ella and Kate work together on a school project aaand gay panic ensues. both of them take turns in addressing the audience and panicking over each other in um er an "Oh My God She's Very Fucking Cute What The Fuck" way. it kinda has What Is This Feeling from Wicked vibes if you remove the aggression and antagonization jdjsd and i kinda emphasize on how overwhelmed they are cause for Kate, everything - from the school to the subjects to the people - is new and her attraction to Ella is like a cherry bomb on top of a chaos cake while for Ella, who has studied in the school since kindergarten which is why nothing about the school fazes her anymore, Kate is a literal breath of fresh air and the spontaneity scares them and excites them at the same time. The number is comedic (and is chance for me to add a shit ton of wordplay cause yAY WORDPLAY) but i guess also hints at their fears which will definitely come into play later.

+ "Mabuting Laban" or "Good Fight" - a group number led by Ella, this is the first song in the musical that isn't mostly comedic. like um the musical so far (before this song) is mostly somewhat of a parody-just-for-laughs-don't-take-this-seriously piece but with this, the show finally hints to something a lot more serious and insightful. so basically ella tells kate (this scene comes right after the Nakakapanibago sequence) that they have noticed that the latter is um very very shocked at the blatant show of LGBTQ+ stuff. Kate mentions that altho many students have since then spoke up for LGBTQ+ acceptance, things were a lot more conservative back in her former school (once again wooo definitely not self projection /hj) so like seeing all this is very new to her. Ella then mentions that things weren't always like that - a lot of fighting had to be done in order to get to that point. and because most of the students already were branded with a rebellious reputation (for a lot of delinquent behavior), they really didn't give a fuck anymore if they were being controversial or not. What mattered was that they would make the school environment a lot more welcoming for themselves and for others. That sentiment is also shared by other leads singing along as they go out of their way to ensure a much better environment for everyone (in terms of lgbtq+ rights, undoing the stigmatization of mental health matters, student activism yadda yadda)

(oh and also this kinda serves as something that bridges the prejudices between the two schools since Ella's school is famous for a lot of student delinquency while Kate's former school is famous for being known as the "Best School In The Region With The Best Students" (which is why Ella understands why the students in Kate's school are a bit more hesitant to speak up because Kate's former schoolmates got way too much to lose) and the rivalry those schools have with each other cause students from ella's school think those from kate's school are pompous little shits while those from kate's school think that ella's schoolmates are delinquents and yes this is commentary on the dynamic my former school'scstudents and my current school's students share) (i should probably give this its own song)

+ "Ayoko" or " I Don't Want It" - (this does not come right after Mabuting Laban fjsjd i honestly dunno where to put this) this comes right after a conversation regarding her reputation in her former school and yea this is Kate poking fun at the "I Want" song musical trope. Like um she addresses the audience saying something along the lines of "oooohh wow complicated backstory exposition! you are probably expecting a song rn ala "How Far I'll Go" from Moana but guess what bitches fuck you all cause i'm gonna sing a song about the things I don't want just to fucking annoy you." it starts off as incredibly satirical and um Kate Dalton-vibes all throughout the scene with lots of pettiness which will then gradually transition to her singing about how she threw all the opportunities presented to her by the former school just because she really didn't want to do them and was tired of saying "yes" just to be enough for them. She then starts singing about her taking control of her own narrative by finally leaving the school. She still laments about those lost opportunities and admits that she still kinda wants to pursue those, but if she has to sacrifice rest for greatness, then she doesn't want it. The song ends with a verse akin to most I Want songs as she finally admits what she really wants the most: rest and wonder.

also here's a verse i made up just a while ago

Diyos ko, sabihin mo, ano pa ang kailangan kong gawin/upang mabawi ang mga ninakaw sa akin/upang maibalik ang pag-asang nawala/upang sa wakas ako'y makakapagpahinga/sapagkat hindi na ako nagnanais ng kadakilaan/ang hinihingi ko lamang ay ang aking kabataan

translation (i'll try my best to make it rhyme): My God, tell me, what else do i have to do/so I can take back all that they have taken from me/so that I can bring back the hope I've long so been deprived of/so that for once in my life, I'll be able to breathe/ cause I no longer want all the greatness that you say I could've had/ I only want to wonder, I only want my childhood back

+ "Halos Lagi Nalang"or "Almost Always The Same" - if this sounds familiar yes i rambled about this before gjdjdjd I started conceptualizing this song even before i even started conceptualizing the musical. So yea this is in Act 2 the song starts with mentioning the exhaustion that comes with being an LGBTQ+ teen in the philippines cause yup same old conservative religious bullshit same old same old shit and despite many a lot of people advocating for LGBTQ+ rights, nothing ever changes around here because well conservative religious bullshit. so yea this is kind of an extension of "Good Fight" but make it more about the burnout felt by a lot of teens that want something better than whatever we have right now. Then it will also apply to the other causes that the leads fight for (activism,destigmatization of mental health stuffs, etc). I'd say it's a combination of Before the Breakdown + Move On musically speaking (yea PMA has influenced me by a LOT). eventually this becomes one of the star numbers fo the show cause yea all the leads will do a shit ton of singing and harmonizing (but for here i'd say Noel and Kate have a tiny bit more of the spotlight since for now they are the ones with the very LGBTQ+ based plotlines). I really REEAAALLY want this song to work aaaa i've been playing around with the melody a lot recently and if i can't write the whole musical, then i'll be content with at the very least writing this song

+ "Try Lang Natin" or "Let's Try It Out" - this is a very barebones sequence atm but basically it's a scene where both Kate and Ella come to terms with their fears related to uncertainty and go "fuck it we don't know jackshit about the future anyway so why not ondulge a bit and ejoy what we have today" and decide to start going out with each other YAYYYYY and also this is like one of the few scenes here were Ella is much more visibly nervous compared to everyone else in the scene so yay for helping each other come to terms with their own vulnerabilities WOOOOO (also paige i remember you saying once that kate and eva could've had a Forever reprise duet right? And correct me if i'm wrong but i think u said it could be about eva assuring kate that she won't go anywhere? WELP I'M STEALING THAT JFJSJJDF /lh /hj AND YUP KATE AND ELLA ARE BASICALLY UM KINDA KATEVA IF YOU SQUINT SO THANK YOU PAIGE FOR THAT IDEAAAA)

AND THAT'S IT SO FAR WOO THIS TOOK ME 5 HOURS TO TYPE IT ALL OUT FJDJSJFF i'm kinda impressed with this ngl considering that i literally started making this up last night and i hope that i can make something out of it woo

And if you guys somehow reached the end of the post and have read every single thing, I'm sending you a lot of hugs and a lot of milkshakes

[dyketectivecomics]

TIM

so like I Oh So Subtly Hinted, Steph Dies, and SURE ENOUGH, Bruce Sad :’( but this time its COMPOUNDED since he’s lost a son AND daughter now (yeah he never adopted steph but thats his OTHER DAUGHTER RIGHT THERE)

To recap ages again real quick, (bc this does come into play as well), Duke is 17 & applying for college (and he and Bruce are butting heads bc he’s applying to a lot of ones outside of Gotham), Cass is 13 & EMO bc her BEST friend DIED and her only remaining brother is LEAVING HER. Duke is trying to nudge her into joining the Titans but she is NOT having it rn. she wants everyone to stay in Gotham and Get Through This Again Together! but alas...

So Enter Tim (16), who’s followed along with what the Bats and Birds have been up to. In lieu of him connecting the dots initially thru Dick, I’m going with the Idea of Tim being a Lark fanboy when Batman & Lark save him and his family from (insert generic semi-violent crime, gotham-typical here). From there its uhh, a lot of him just Confirming who’s who in the fam (altho he’s never able to connect Bluebird and Rook since they’re not public figures like the Wayne family is ofc). He’s a little surprised that no one else connected these dots until he realizes that others Have Before (ala Bane? Knightfall-like event possibly?even if its not 100% the same obvsly) or he realizes that others aren’t Interested bc unmasking them means True Chaos for the city.

From here, I’m partial to him immediately taking up either Redbird or Rook in honor of the fallen birds, BUT, I’m also kind of liking the idea of Duke offering Lark to him (& him being Ecstatic & honored to take it on the same way that he had been for Robin). And ofc, there’s always just pulling another Bird outta the blue or even making him Batkid like in that one route of the DitF movie so!!! *shrug* its kinda up in the air! I feel like it can go any which way tbh! So if yall wanna sway me in one direction or another nows the time to Chime In lmao

And any way that it Does go, Bruce, Duke and Cass all pour a lot into helping him train ofc, but when Duke is off to college and Cass slowly starts coming out of her shell to finally join a Super Team or two, its Tim that Bruce finds himself relying on a lot.... At least until some others pop up soon :)

[normal-thoughts-official]

not to be saiaphael trash at literally all hours of the day without pause but i was listening to carlos vives’ quiero verte sonreír (DON’T LEAVE YET I WILL TRANSLATE OKAY PLS I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS WITH SOMEONE OR I’LL GO INSANE) and imagining simon serenading maia and raphael with this song and like.... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (maia is fluent in spanish because i said so ok luke and alaric taught her idc) 

like first of all i do think it would suit his voice??? and it sounds so sweet okay. also it means a lot to raphael to have simon sing in spanish to him

and then there’s the lyrics

i mean first of all it literally starts by telling the person that this is a serenade and if that isn’t the simonest move idk what is. it’s like sweet and meta and almost awkward in a way that is very him and that i can picture him singing perfectly, “i want to see you smile / i want to give you this song” BRUH. also i mean the song is literally titled “i want to see you smile” which i think is very sweet and again very simon and maia and raphael have the sweetest most beautiful smiles ever so of course he does tbh

next line which i really love is “and in an april afternoon / i want to gift you the sun” and look i know that’s kinda the opposite of what he did with raphael but 1- we don’t acknowledge canon in this house, and 2- it’s less literally the sun and more that the sun quite literally represents everything that raphael’s lost - a family, a place to belong, love, happiness, warmth, a sense of humanity? you know? and i do think that simon wants to give that to both raphael and maia who have been drifting without these things for so long. it also lowkey applies to maia’s lycanthrophy because even if that isn’t the case in sh canon there’s the whole “werewolves turn into wolves at full moon” legend and so the sun also has this humanity, family, etc connotations to her

(note: carlos vives is colombian so “april” would be fall, not spring, and it’s also the beginning of rainy season in colombia so what he means here is that he wants to bring them the sun when there isn’t any - altho to be fair it’s still hot, but like, it’s the rainiest time. especially cuz usually in april it rains in the afternoon)

the “a whisper of jasmine / and a piece of accordion” line really feels to me like maia and raphael respectfully i don’t know why exactly. i mean accordion is a no-brainer since raphael is latino lmao and latino music loves some accordions, but i just, i don’t know, maia is delicate but resilient and i bet she smells good, like jasmines, you know? and then i picture him going “(to raphael) i want to gift you my music / (to maia) and to you a thousand kisses” since raphael doesn’t like kisses and it’s nice how cutely this fits. same applies to “free you with my kisses (to maia) / and give you my heart (to raphael)”. obviously he will give it to them both but just like the balance okay

“i want your dreams and mine to meet in time” and (then later) “i want your eyes and mine to meet in time” is just so SWEET and just like again the whole thing about building a future together? also both raphael and maia have beautiful eyes so like can’t blame him for wanting to look into them okay

and then when he gets to “i’ll ask Juan Luis for a bee and a honeycomb” raphael can’t help but break into the widest smile because he gets the reference (juan luis is a dominican singer and one of his most famous songs is called “like a bee to the honeycomb”) and then he just goes for the kill with “so i can sweeten all the sadness that you keep within yourself” like SHUT THE FUCK UP OKAY I LIVE FOR THIS

and then he gets back to “i want to gift you my music” and just aaa just simon singing them the sweetest softest song (in spanish!!!) about how he wants to sing for them and make them happy because this ship is PURE somebody help me

[tangerinegod]

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

[blacknidstang]

middle east anon ✌️

we also have different ‘t’, ‘z’, ‘d’ and ‘k’ letters lol but there’s no ‘p’ in arabic, i guess ‘ژ' is the letter ‘p’ in persian or am i just stupid? xD haha i wish i could speak persian, i think the language rly nice actually..

yes..i do live in the middle east but we are only taught rly poor arabic at school so my written arabic suffers a lil..the school is more focused on foreign languages so..yeaa

and when i’m like..chatting with friends on whatsapp or somethin we only write in german bc we only know arabic from home like..the spoken dialect of the country. but i’m working on it bc i want to be able to understand arabian poetry ( i LOVE poetry lol)

is there any dialects in persian too? i’m just curious 💖

Hello my lovely anon 💕 sorry it took me a bit longer to answer this one. Past couple of days has been a bit messy! Also hope you are feeling fine today 💙

Oopps yeah also all of those letter... see i'm telling you, if someone speaking native arabic heard iranians butcher the words they'd weep in agony fjdkkfckkfkf not only that it creates honestly the only issue with persian language and that's the spelling, since for example اساس and اثاث is pronounced the same way (there are tons of these words you can imagine) the problem that perhaps doesn't exists in native pronunciations of the words. (Here having a basic knowledge of arabic helps bc by figuring out the words root one can guess the correct spelling but all in all, it's easy to absolutely suck at it :D)

But beside the spelling i think yeah, persian language is beautiful. It's a language of poetry, no matter how much i've tried i could never manage to convey the emotions words in persian poems carry in translations. I think despite the hellish state of middle east and many problems we are struggling with on daily basis, for the sake of this language and poetry alone, i'm glad i was born here.

Now moving on i gotta admit i never knew german language being that popular in middle east (i mean it kinda is between engineering students that want to apply to german universities later but not to the point that they would talk with each other in german!) I'm kinda curious which country you live but i don't wanna force you to say it in anyway! 💜 (also jsyk you can come off anon and shoot me a private message if it'a more comfy that way)

And oh about your question! Oh dear where should i even start, persian language has quite big number of dialects. First off, there are number of countries beside mine (iran) like afghanistan and tajikistan that speak a certain dialect of persian tho in their situation the language itself has been given a different name. (Altho for majority of iranians i think it's very easy to understand said languages) Based on regions those languages contain different dialects too but i don't have full knowledge of that.

But in iran itself every single region has a different dialect, but unfortunately only the dialect spoken in the capital city has become this "standard" or as we call it "the accent-less" version ((like it's some sort of original and basic form which ISN'T AT ALL true.)) The country is essentially so diverse, with each region having its own culture, dialect and in some cases even language. These are two examples:

Basically there are groups of people in south who are descendants of north african immigrant and thus still speak arabic and north-western people whose mother tongue is a branch of turkish. When speaking persian their mother tongue is mixed in and create a whole new dialect

But in some other cases, the dialect itself is so unique with its own grammar and words that it has turned into whole new language which is completely incomprehensible for someone from another region even if they share the same lingual root. Kurdish language is the most well-known example of that, tho fundamentally a branch of persian, it's impossible for me to understand it for example. There other examples of this in the country but they will be too obscure for foreigners and i've already rambled a lot :D (bc of this they also have a certain dialect while speaking the "standard" persian which is easy to detect)

Phew. I hope i didn't bore you with this tediously long reply. I tend to overshare when it comes to my country u_u plz accept my apology. 💙

(Edit: totally forgot this one. You were close but correct hehehe.

The letter "ژ" is what they write as "zh"? Like j in deja vu. Dnkeskdksmw

The substitute for p in persian language is پ.

(And also i think arabic doesn't have "ch" and "hard g" originally so if you're curious we use چ and گ respectively for them. But this is the version written in iran. I know for a fact in Tunisia they have a different substitute letters for these sounds so i assume different countries use different letters)

[szivtalan]

A, I, J, L, M, P, R, S, T, V, X, Y for the Honesty Hour ask!!! :D

A - If I’m in love

I suuuuck at reading my own emotions,  especially when it comes to feelings of romantic attraction. But yeah I  guess there’s someone I could imagine a future with.

I - The last time I felt jealous and why

I’m  not terribly jealous tbf. But I did feel some weird stuff when the   person mentioned above said something about their current partner. It   did...not sit well with me, which is why I think I might have some   feelings for them after all.

J - Are you insecure. What about?

I’m  insecure about how I present, my looks, the way I come off on the   internet, my writing, basically every aspect of my life, I’ve been   insecure about at one point. I’m learning to gradually get over them.

L - If I have siblings.

I  have a brother (4 yrs older) and a stepbrother that I haven’t seen in years. He was already a married man with a family when I was around 13.

M - If I forgive betrayal.

I’m  a “forgive but don’t forget” kind of person. At one point I found that  it’s petty to hold a grudge when someone genuinely wants to make up, but  there’s a good chance that I won’t let them as close and will always be  distrustful to them in the future.

P - What kind of music I like.

My  musical taste is all over the place tho. I usually describe it as   “something that moves me” since I’m into catchy rhythms/beats and   soulful lyrics but it can be just as much of Billy Raffoul than say,   Watsky or The Bloodhound Gang.

R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.

I had no idea what this actually meant but my last interpretation is something akin to a few fun facts so here’s ten fun facts about me (I tried to pick things I haven’t yet told you haha):

I’m a child of divorce.

I’ve been exposed to/learning English since I was 6 years old.

I used to be more interested in drawing than writing.

I think of myself as someone who’s relatively unfit, but for an unfit person I did quite a lot of sports growing up. I did martial arts (aikido briefly, and taekwon-do for a year or so), volleyball and handball, each for a year; gymnastics as a kid, soccer as a hobby, basketball, folk dance and running.

I’m not at all a picky eater, but I don’t eat fruits or most veggies. This broke some people’s brain who wanted to eat out with me.

My humor is surprisingly grim and/or filthy.

Up until the age of like sixteen I always had one or two dogs around the house. The last two were both rottweilers.

I’m the rudest polite person I know. Like I have a temper and I swear all the time at people, but I will say “please”, “thank you” and “good morning” and I even get overly apologetic while inconveniencing people (kinda like Sakurai from Touou, I’m not joking when I say I see myself in his behavior).

The furthest I ever got from Hungary is some of the few bordering countries (Slovakia, Croatia, Romania and Austria).

I pretty much discovered I was bisexual at age 10-12 and then went “oh well, it’s a problem for future me to deal with!” and practically forgot about it until I was old enough to really start liking people.

S - 2 habits.

1) I pick at my hangnails and my skin a lot

2) I observe people when they think no one is looking and smile at their endeavors.

T - 5 things I love unconditionally.

My friend, Dee

Music

Being around natural bodies of water, apparently

Dogs (and cats, altho I keep my distance whenever its needed)

Bear with me for a moment: I love love. I think people are destined for it, and I don't just mean romantic love. You need love to survive and to have a purpose. I love loving my friends, as much as I love portrayals and expressions of romantic love. I love the seconds that I get to love a stranger bc they do something endearing that I can't help momentarily falling for and I also love the kind of love that's more like a habit, like loving your parents or best friends and not even really noticing it, because it just comes so naturally.

V - 3 big dreams

I did this already but if we’re talking “I don’t think this will happen anyway” kinda big dreams, I’d like to perform as a singer, I want to be able to get into acting again, and I’d like move out of my country. Which is probably the most plausible one.

X - If I’ve done something I regret very much.

I do regret a few things in my life, but ultimately I feel like I wouldn't be where I am now without making the mistakes I've made, so let's just say that I should've applied for psychology much, much earlier.

Y - If I like my town and why.

It sucks less and less every year tbh. It's very pretty with some amazing views at high vantage points, and people are relatively nicer than they used to be, but I still remember the drunkards who used to stumble on the sidewalk right outside my window and I just can't really seem to fully assimilate into the community. I guess it's been changing for the better in the 16 years I've been living here, but I rather go anywhere else if I can.

[catgirlbutthole]

Hey there folks! I see a lot of posts going around about how to protect yourself from tear gas and other police weapon, so I thought i could also make my own post, sharing my experience as a french street medic (french and american police tactics are very different, but protection and first aid can be very similar)

this will very much not be complete and can definitely be improved, but spreading help is the best i can do from here.

Tear gas

tear gas can be a few different things. It can be CS or OC, delivered by grenades or spray. they have similar effects but may need but to be treated slightly differently.

Grenades are to my knowledge exclusively CS. They’re crystals of that molecule hanging around in smoke grenades, and they will strongly irritate all muscous membrane they come in contact with (so youe eyes, your nose, your mouth, your respiratory system, etc.). The most important thing to do if u are exposed to tear gas smoke grenades is to not touch your face. You might need to close your eyes to avoid pain, but try as much as you can to get away from the cops and close to safety. if you feel it is hard to breathe you may sit down, but if anything is wrong scream “medic” if there is any available street medic around, they will be there to provide help.

To protect yourself from tear gas, you need waterproof goggles ( like swimming googles). any will do, but try to get ones will larger glasses, cause the small one may make any injury to the face worse. You can also use a facemask to protect you from breathing tear gas, and for that, don’t use surgical facemask, turn to industrial facemask. a “single use” FFP2 mask can be not too expensive and allow you to be safe for a few protests. But it can get only one of the two, focus on the glasses. you can hold your breath for a few seconds in a gloud of gas, but being completely blinded will make it much more difficult.

To treat someone who has been exposed to tear gas, you may use what’s called a CS decontaminant. it’s a product made specifically for this. cops often carry this. It’s expensive, but if you plan on helping a lot of people, it might be worth the price. spray someone’s face with it, accompany them out of the gas, and they’ll be feeling much better. Otherwise, The best procedure is to clean one’s eyes with physiological saline. it’s sterile water with 0.9% salt that comes in little 5ml bottles. hold someone’s eyes open with sterile gloves (that haven’t been exposed to gas) and use the bottle to clean it from inside to outside (so as to not get contaminated saline in the other eye, nose our mouth). Other “homemade” decontaminant (such as LAW, baking soda, etc, are kinda controversial. i use LAW for breathing problems, but i’ll let you do your research on that.)

Now, pepper spray is a little different. Tear gas in a spray form can be CS or OC (”OC” is the name given to capsaicin gas. it’s like peppers but extremely concentrated) it has similar effects, but since it tends to be more focused, it hurts a whole lot more. To protect yourself from it is the same thing, altho it is much easier to breathe this.

To treat someone exposed to it is similar to regular tear gas, but in order to use CS decontaminant, you need to make sure the gas isn’t OC. In case you are unsure, use the saline washing method.

Rubber Bullets, batons and punches.

if someone gets knocked by one of these, they may have a simple contusion, in which case the best you can do is apply some cold spray, or an ice pack, to help with the pain, but that’s about it; unfortunately yhey just need time to heal. If something is broken tho, then require much more urgent care. if like me you are not qualified to deal with traumas, try to leave to this to someone more qualified. otherwise, you might need to get the victim out of the conflict zone and to emergency medical services asap.

If u need more qualification on applying first aid, I recommand your check if someone around you offers formation. They will teach you a lot of useful stuff. Check around with your local street medics if they need supplies or even hands to help.

If ur intersted in becomming a medic, i highly suggest you read the “Riot Medicine” Book, written by  Håkan Geijer. it is a great book, i am reading over and over to use as sourcefor forming other street medics.

I hope this is useful information that everyone fighting for justice in Minneapolis, all over the US and everywhere can find interesting. Justice for George Floyd, Abolish the Police!

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[ambitionsource]

also 001 zc im springing it all on u

spring it all on me baybee. i’m ready. i’m thrivin

Zay & Charlie

When I started shipping it if I did: oh if i were a viewer, i think i’d be sniffing out this storyline EARLY. literally from the moment charlie leaps up to volunteer to tutor him in 103 and then is all “you’re so unapologetically yourself” with all that Awe i’d be like... mhm. okay. mhm ok mhm mhm mhm right mhm....... although i think i would be skeptical. i would be kinda like (as i think some of you were) are they actually going to go through with this...... are they playing me 4 a fool.... but then when you watch 112 after so much build and theres the RUNNING ACROSS THE CITY TO GET TO THE AUDITION AND AINT NOOOO AWWWYWYWYWYWYAAYWAAYYYYY AND THE LOUVRE KISS LIKE WAHAHAHWAHWAHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH -- yeah i’d be in it from there. you don’t see it coming going INTO the first season, but to be honest zc kind of Owned the first season in the later half there. they were subtle in some ways but then they really just brought the mf PUNCH

My thoughts: so. clearly. i love them. fdkjshgkjsg i think i have a lot of fondness for them because they really organically blossomed in the first season in a way i wasn’t expecting. as y’all know, we broke the story for the second season first and then backtracked to s1, and i will be candid... charlie was like... not a person when we first outlined s2 JFGDSKLGKDFGKLFDH. he was in a relationship with zay, and it was supposed to be this big surprise going into the second season, but otherwise we really didn’t like... know what to do with him or honestly had THOUGHT about it. but then as we started working on s1, he just kind of... emerged, as well as their storyline of barely acquaintances to friends to unexpected lovers. and i really really love what they grew to be. they’ve been one of the best parts of writing the show tbh and i have so much fun writing their scenes, even when they’re challenging (cough 208 cough, one of the most difficult scenes i’ve ever written in anything ever)

What makes me happy about them: i love how they see the other person for who they actually are, how they can cut through the bullshit and see the other for how they wish they could be seen (charlie seeing zay as more than the popular “cool” kid that he has to put on as a sort of defense to survive at aaa, and zay seeing charlie for who he actually is beneath all of the facades he’s created to please the rest of the world) and how that allows them the courage to try and actually BE those things. like. charlie may not have ever gotten to a point of really considering accepting his own sexuality if it weren’t for zay, i think -- especially since zay then gave him this incredibly SAFE space to figure it out AND loved him at the same time. i love how they demonstrate such a Balance for one another (there’s that key word again!), like how in s1 a core part of their friendship is the fact that charlie seems to be the only person zay really has who cares about all the things he cares about but also isn’t... a crazy monster the way everyone at aaa is fDJSKFLDG. and zay brings balance to charlie in showing him its okay to have fun, to be imperfect, to throw a swear word around or not give a damn sometimes or do things just because he wants to. and that’s important! that’s major! and then i just love love love how they’re playful with one another but it comes from this very sincere fond place. their dynamic would not be what it is without their sort of teasing nature, but it NEVER feels like it’s coming from a place of animosity, it’s always this affectionate kind of banter. i’m really picky about how teasing translates into romance, and i think the way they make it work is a fave thing about them for me. i’m forgetting like 4324325 things i wanna say here but i love them MUCHO

What makes me sad about them: so. hm. yeah. you know how there are those otp ask games or gif memes and there’s always that category that’s like “it’s right, just not right now” ships? i have always disliked that category bc i think people constantly misinterpret it (or its just a poor label to apply to a ship lmao), but i think they are actually a perfect example of what i think that label is supposed to represent. charlie and zay are 100% right, but not right now. they can’t be right when charlie is still trying to figure out so much of his sexuality and his sense of acceptance, because no matter how much they love each other it’s just not fair to zay to have all these conditions on their relationship. like, it’s great that he likes him enough to be okay with it, but it shouldn’t be that way in a truly healthy situation. yknow? and when the rules keep changing or grow to be confusing (i.e. how charlie seemed to be improving in 207 but then backslid majorly in 208), you end up with like... well, miscommunications like 208. and those can be brutal.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: again, i’m just projecting based on my experience in fandom and observing fandom, but here are a handful of things i think would be common in zc fic that would drive me up the wall. 1) babying and/or pandering charlie to the point that he’s just like... this uwu baby gay that completely strips him of his complexity, surprisingly sharp sarcasm, all his uneven edges and quirks, etc. 2) fetishizing of them both or more specifically, racism surrounding the portrayal of zay 3) a complete bashing of charlie’s faith, as that goes against how he’s written + his arc as a character [ like if you gotta work thru ur own grievances with organized religion then by all means, but it would probably bother me bc of his characterization and im literally not even religious lmao ] 4) banter that crosses the line and goes into that territory of lowkey bullying or tasteless that is a squick for me

Things I look for in fanfic: so of course, characterization that allows for the complexity of both of their characters would be A1 from day one as usual. would always love something that highlights the dance thing since that is... so important to their relationship in the show lmao. people who could capture their delicate balance of banter would be whew!!!! also random but i thought about it earlier today -- when winter olympics rolls around again, who is gonna write the ice skating au? it’s only a step or two away from dance y’all, let’s SEE IT!!!

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: zay would make the best of any relationship he gets into, but he and riley could be cute as i have mentioned before (altho i naturally prefer them as best friends, but they would treat each other the way they deserve which is important). there’s a character coming in s4 who i actually really enjoy with zay, but that’s a spoiler and neither here nor there... as for charlie, i again will make my vague comment about appreciating lucas x charlie... and that’s all i can say on that.............

My happily ever after for them: god i just. i want them to be happy and in love. and i mean that in that they’re happy with themselves, so they can be happy with one another. like, TRULY happy without all these conditions or strings attached. and to be able to be happy together IN PUBLIC. literally can you imagine. CAN YOU IMAGINE??

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: hmmmmmm again, i think it would vary. but i think my inclination is that typically zay is the big spoon, although i will say i think charlie is overall more cuddly (not that you’d ever assume so in public bc he’s so repressed DSJKFJDSKLGFDLKG)

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: i assume we wanna discuss the ones... that aren’t dance DJSKLFJDKGJFDLKJGKDJHLKDH. aside from the obvious, i really do think zay and charlie like to go out and explore together and just like... share experiences. like going to art museums is a big one, and seeing live performances. art is something that really connects them and i don’t think that can be understated, and one of their favorite things is experiencing art together and then getting the other to talk about their opinions on it. i also do think that while zay isn’t big on literature, he can be swayed if charlie reads to him. art completely aside, i think they like to go to the grand central market and browse / try new things. they also like window shopping, but that’s kind of funny bc their styles are so different so they’ll be like ooh and the other will be like rly. FDNSJKFDJSLGJDSG. omg they should have a day where they just get to dress the other person up all day in different stores... THERES a fun activity... zay is dressed head to toe in GAP and he’s like please set me on fire fJDSKFJDSKLGJKDLFG

send some winter hiatus asks !! or try this one