#although i do think we got our little gift from julie already

[notskam]

“[..]That you learn how to tie a tie. Just kidding. I don’t wish for shit. Just that everything is just as now”.                                    

                                 HAPPY         NEW         YEAR!

[heejojo]

Love Isn't Beautiful But With You It Was

✰ summary: y/n and niki's journey from being enemies to friends to much more than that.

✰ pairing: Niki x fem!reader (and a Jay apperance)

✰ genre: fluff, angst, enemies to childhood friends to lovers

✰ warning: a few sad scenes but I'm not sure they'll be too bad! death

✰ word count: 1.8k (the most so far tbh)

a/n: this is my first fanfic so please leave comments about what should be improved. if you have any requests feel free to leave them! it's past 12am now and I need to sleep but I hope you have a nice day!

prompt gotten from @moonlight-chi77 thank you!

“Love isn’t beautiful but with you it was”

Life disappears in the blink of an eye, but the memories created and the human connection formed does not. The memories created are embedded in our hearts and follow us through different paths of life. Whether those memories are good or bad, they become something we reflect on in later moments.

Nishimura Riki couldn’t exactly remember the first time he met you but all he knew was that he had never hit off with someone the way he did with you.

September 2012

Although Niki couldn't pinpoint the exact date you guys started talking, he knew it was in September of 2012. He knew at first he disliked you and wanted nothing to do with you because you had stolen his spot on the swings.

“That's my spot, I told Jay I was going to stay here forever,” he said while his friend who was behind him nodded enthusiastically, backing him up.

“Your name is not on it and you didn’t buy it so why should I leave?” you asked him without coming down because you got there fair and square.

“I called dibs on it,” he said while puffing out his chest.

“Dibs are for babies,” you say while continuing to swing. “I’m not a baby,” he retorts.

“If you say so, then why are you wearing a Talking Tom T-Shirt?” you ask and his face begins to turn red. “It's cool, isn't it Jay?” he nudges his friend asking him for support. “Cool man, girls just suck” Jay responds and they both leave. “At least I dress myself!” you yell at their retreating figures

After that day, Niki made it his mission to disturb you every day and never wore his Talking Tom shirt again after that day.

August 2016

“Niki!!” you screamed as you felt another water balloon hit your leg. At this point, your entire body was soaked. The young boy continued to laugh and run as you chased him. You were beginning to regret spending your summer break with him when you could be watching TV instead. Eventually, you give up chasing the blond-haired boy and go into the house to dry off. Thirty minutes later, Niki comes in with a bottle of orange juice as a form of apology. You snatch it without further thought and drink it. Looking up at him after you finish drinking it, you both burst into a fit of laughter. “You’re lucky I love food,” you say. Maybe spending the summer with him wouldn't be so bad.

December 2018

Your crush on Niki was painfully obvious to everyone but him. Your friends teased you, his friends teased you yet when you were together you denied it with so much vigour. Niki had liked you for a few months now. Everyone was enjoying the slow burn that was going on between the two of you; the soft glances across the room, the way you always looked for each other among crowds, the way he knew where your secret birthmark was even though your close friends didn’t.

It was the way you complimented each other that made everyone cringe and aw at the same time. The jacket you got him for his birthday was his most prized piece of clothing and the only person he let touch it was his mum. This year though, you gathered enough courage and told him how he meant to you and how you were content with being just friends even if it hurt a little. But you weren’t expecting Niki to say he felt the same way, even more so. Your friends heaved a sigh of relief and choruses of ‘Finally’ were echoed.

It felt good being with someone.

January 2019

Everyone argued with people they loved right? Your parents did, the old lady that sells fruit and her boyfriend did so you and Niki weren’t an exception. After being childhood friends for so long you’d think you could trust each other enough to talk about the things that bothered you but he refused to, claiming that he didn’t want you to see him in a different light and how it would hurt his pride. You would tell him that no one knew him more and cared about him the way you did. At times, you’d let it go not wanting to push him but that day you couldn’t take it.

“We need to talk. Why have you been avoiding me these past few days?” you asked him.

“I’ve just been busy” he replied.

“No, you’ve been avoiding me. I know you well enough to know when you're hiding something” you said.

He wouldn't budge, he never did especially when you cornered him like this. He started to get irritated and said, “I said I’ve been busy so forgive me if I can’t give you attention all the time. Not all of us are as clingy as you” You winced; it was your fault for pushing him to the edge like that. Nevertheless, you wouldn't give up. “ I just want you to say how you feel and what bothers you. I’d never look at you in a different light and you know that. You might want to be strong but it’s okay to show some sort of emotion, it doesn’t make you weak rather it makes you look like someone that acknowledges what is wrong and doesn’t try to ignore the problem or solve it on their own” you comforted him. As the words entered his ears, you could see the walls surrounding his heart crumbling. “It’s okay to ask for help or just to rant to someone. Even if we won’t be able to provide an immediate solution, it should help” you added taking a few steps forward and grabbing a hold of his hands. You squeezed them tightly.

“I...I’m just scared you’ll leave once you see the not so perfect side of me” he managed to say. “I will stay with you, why don’t we make the best of everything without worrying about the future?” you asked while smiling. He returned it and pulled you in for a hug. “Thank you, truly,” he said and you smiled under his embrace.

After a few minutes you spoke up, “Oh yeah, Niki?” you called his attention and he hummed in response. “Don’t ever shout at me like that again, I can deck you and you know it” you said.

“Got it, boss. Sorry for being a jerk”

June 2020

You usually went on diets and exercised a lot but you were losing weight at an extreme rate and you weren’t even on a diet. Niki was worried but you brushed it off telling him it was stress from school but it got worse. You found it difficult for you to balance yourself, you felt nauseated, getting even more frequent headaches and being tired all the time so Niki decided that enough was enough and took you to the hospital. Neither of you had expected the result of the scans that were run.

“I’m sorry but there is a tumour in your brain,” the doctor said. The air left your lungs. “You can choose to get the surgery and live in the hospital for 8 months or live with the tumour for 3 months” he continued. You thanked him and left the hospital. The elephant in the room was very much alive and neither one of you wanted to address it. Did you want to stay in the hospital for the rest of your life or did you want to say with your loved ones? You thought that they would go through and that won’t be worth it.

“Niki” you called out.

He looked at you with a sad smile and just pulled you in for a hug, careful not to hurt you. “Do you want to tell your parents?” You nodded. You couldn’t just leave without saying anything. Picking your jacket, Niki drove you to your parents house.

“I just wanted you guys to know, I couldn’t just leave without saying anything,” you said with your eyes cast downwards. You couldn’t bear to look at your mom who was already crying or your dad who was blaming himself even when it wasn’t his fault or your sister who was basically your best friend. Niki had given you guys privacy but you knew it was just an excuse for him to be with his own feelings.

“I’m going to stay close to home in the meantime so I can be closer to you guys,” you said. Your eyes were already becoming glossy with tears. You inched towards your mom, taking her hand in yours and said, “You did an amazing job of being my mom and I love you so much”. Moving to your dad, you said “You did a good job of protecting me so don’t think otherwise. Let’s make all the memories we want to now without any regrets”. At that, your sister burst into tears “I… I can’t bear to lose you” Your heart clenched. “I can’t bear to lose you too” She continued crying. Your mom wiped her eyes and said, “From today, live the way you want to. Eat what you want and do what you want.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Niki staring watching the whole scene. After an hour, I stood up and went home with Niki. The car ride was a long and awkward one. When we got home, we just slept hugging each other.

Starting tomorrow I was going to live.

July 2020

The pain is getting worse but the smiles on my family and friends faces are enough to keep me going. I wrote letters and got gifts for them. Niki looks at the calendar every day, I can’t tell him to stop because I can tell he’s hurting so much. Why can’t I just be okay for everyone?

August 2020

The time comes faster, Niki and I went on a getaway for a few days. He deserved a break from everything that has been going on.

September 2020

I never thought I'd die as silly as that sounds. I asked my parents and sister to leave when I got to the hospital. Niki refused to leave and stayed there till I took in my last breath. He kept crying begging me not to go and how he’d do anything.

“Does it hurt a lot?” he asked between sniffles

“No it doesn’t, it just feels like a needle” it hurt like a truck.

“Liar”

I chuckled and held his hand till I couldn’t anymore. “I love you’’ I say as the lights fade.

╔═*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*═╗

Dear Nishimura Riki,

When you see this, it means I’m already gone. First of all, don’t beat yourself up too much. I could write for ages about how much I love you but now that I need to, my mind goes blank. You’ve done so well for putting up with me, hats off to you. You might not want to but move on, even though id like you to remember me; let your heart heal and be happy.

Take care of yourself and don’t skip any meals. Eat well and be happy, make sure you visit the places we never got to visit and enjoy yourself. Live life the way you want it every day. Be nice to people and smile more.

Thank you for all the happy memories, my love, I’ll be forever grateful for you. You made my life colourful and worth living.

Love isn’t beautiful but with you it was.

Yours truly,

Y/N.

[lorei-writes]

Lost Letters

Masamune x MC Fluff Parts of this work include suggestive content. [To avoid suggestive content, skip the following months: May, January.] Word Estimate: 2k

Honourable Customers,

We are pleased to inform You all the lost letters were successfully delivered.

Your trustworthy messengers, Azuchi-Kasugayama Postal Service Crew

Content Warnings: war mention, injury mention, suggestive content, food mention, anxiety mention

To my beloved Masamune. It is March now, and the frost has begun its retreat from the air. You are not here, and I do not expect to send this letter… Yet I miss you so much the words seem to be writing themselves without much help. In this very moment, I wish I could ask how your day was. It is one of those rare instances where I miss modern technology – my helplessness is simply disarming me completely. I console myself with the thought that you will be back tonight. I missed seeing your face so bad. There are so many things I want to tell you, my heart is overflowing. I don’t think I should let any of them spill, yet I cannot hold all either. So, even if just on this paper, I must confess: I love you, Masamune. I love you so much it hurts. I could not focus on anything but your return the entire day. I cannot let you see this letter. You will never let me forget it. Although maybe... Maybe I should.

To my beloved Masamune.

It is March now, and the frost has begun its retreat from the air. You are not here, and I do not expect to send this letter… Yet I miss you so much the words seem to be writing themselves without much help.

In this very moment, I wish I could ask how your day was. It is one of those rare instances where I miss modern technology – my helplessness is simply disarming me completely. I console myself with the thought that you will be back tonight. I missed seeing your face so bad. There are so many things I want to tell you, my heart is overflowing.

I don’t think I should let any of them spill, yet I cannot hold all either. So, even if just on this paper, I must confess: I love you, Masamune. I love you so much it hurts. I could not focus on anything but your return the entire day.

I cannot let you see this letter. You will never let me forget it. Although maybe... Maybe I should.

~

To my courageous Masamune.

It is April now, and you came back all beaten and tattered. Your muscles tensed whenever I touched your skin. The disinfectant seeping into your cuts did not help either, I suppose… But you hugged me tight all the same, and did not let go for long. Your breath tickled my neck as you held your ear pressed against my pulse. I wonder, how bad was it this time? But do not get me wrong. I do not mind, I can stay in your arms for however long you desire.

This time, however, it was different. I cannot describe the feeling that I felt when you looked up at me and simply said you feel terrible and need rest. You… Appeared so vulnerable? And I know it never comes easy to you to be in this state.

I love you so much. Thanks for coming back yet once again. I am writing this as you sleep only a few meters away. Please, rest well – and thank you for trusting me yet once again.

~

To my flirtatious Masamune.

It is May now, and the weather has got quite warm already. However, my dear tiger, treat this as a note of complaint! Although… You will never see it, hopefully. You would see all the other ones then.

Never mind that! How dare you! You big, unruly, sneaky…!!! You know my knees get weak when you kiss me, and yet…! In the middle of the crowd, at that! Truly, my “knees were not a problem” as you put it after lifting me up, but my face surely was! I was red like a crab, Masamune!

How dare you uphold that air of coolness! If it were not for what you whispered… Curse that too, argh! Surely, nobody realised, and you always walk this fast, but… But it is the next morning, and I still am a mess after all the things you did to me the last night!

How dare you stay on my mind even now. Well, you did leave some marks, so surely, it is hard not to think of it, but… ! I want to lay in your arms a little longer, but alas. You had to start work early today of all days…

~

To my caring Masamune.

It is June now, and somehow, I managed to catch a cold. It is nothing much, really, but you insist I don’t leave bed today… Honestly, I feel a little guilty, but I am enjoying myself. You’re spoiling me quite a lot, my love, and I can hardly oppose it…

You brought some of your work here, so that you could watch over me while I napped. You checked my fever, brought me more covers when I was cold, even got Shogetsu to cuddle me up. When I woke up, you cooked me porridge, and I don’t know what rituals you did in the kitchen,  but it was beyond delicious. Or perhaps I’m getting better?

My eyelids are heavier and heavier… And you’re insisting I stop writing and cuddle with you now. You didn’t want to move to sleep in a separate bed either…  How could I refuse? I swear, tiger, some may say you hardly care, but whenever I see you acting like this, my heart beats faster.

~

To my curious Masamune.

It is July now, and this is both a letter of praise, and of complaint. For somebody who learns so fast, you surely never learnt not to get taken away by challenges. However, here end my complaints, as it… Surely is quite entertaining.

We are still running away from our own allies now. We have just settled for the night, and you are calling for me to come eat and sit with you by the fire. Have I ever told you you are the most beautiful when you are free and wild? No? Because your eye sparkles so gorgeously now.

You’ve made me appreciate so many new sides of life. I love sharing it with you, both the good and the bad. I don’t know what you’ve made, but let’s be honest, there are only starts above us and I couldn’t care any less about food right now.

Yes, yes, I’m coming, you impatient cat…

~

To my hardworking Masamune.

It is August now, and you are swarmed with work. I do not know how you manage to stay on top of it… But truly, you seem tired now. You set off early, and come back late, and it takes little before you fall asleep.

You… You cannot know it, but each night, you return my embrace quite strongly, even if deep slumber has already claimed you. You are adorable – your nose crinkles slightly whenever I kiss your forehead. I started telling you I love you, and you usually mumble back that you love me too… Then you generally get a little upset and nuzzle into my neck, and sometimes scoff about some pillows or radishes, whichever one it is this time around.

I must never reveal the fact that you talk in your sleep if you are tired enough. What if you forbid me from ever indulging in it ever again? I don’t think I could live without it anymore.

Signed,

Your Beautiful Futon

~

To my joyous Masamune.

It is September now! I want to go celebrate with you, so this letter will be brief:

Thank you for having been born, Masamune.

Please, live a long life. I want to love you plenty more. I need to love you plenty more. To hear you laugh, to see your smile… Your happiness is infectious, and I want for it to last for as long as it can.

~

To my resilient Masamune.

It is October now, and it came in sour, as if to balance the joy of the previous month. This battle was harsh. You emerged victorious, but at what price? So many were lost… Although I think you would care even for a single person just as much. War is a dreadful thing, to say the least. You know it better than I will ever be able to. That is why you protect me from it, is it not? I wish I could carry half your burden...

When you returned, you only latched onto my wrist. Your hands were cold, and you looked almost lost. Were you scared that I would be gone too? My love, my heart… You held yourself together bravely the entire time, but I am glad you let yourself unwind once in our quarters. I needed to feel that you were alive too.

I helped you wash, and you seemed to relax when I ran my fingers through your wet hair. Perhaps the bath was a good idea in the end. I hope no nightmares come your way today – but if any do, I will do my best to chase them all away. I know you would do great by yourself… But I love you, so please, do share some of your concerns.

~

To my grumpy Masamune.

It is November now, and oh my, I got to pay you back for how sweetly you cared for me when I was ill. It appears it was your time, my love. I did not expect you to resist so much! “Sleep in a different room”?! As if I would even consider that much! But… You were quite sweet once you caved in. If we were in the future, I would give you a good patient badge!

Kojuro came in later too. You were so adorable when he started telling stories from your childhood! Ah, and you were locked in bed, so for once, I got a chance to actually listen to them too! A shy little Masamune… I wish cameras were a thing in this time.

It was a good day, but please, do not fall ill much. I will always care for you, it is only that… As much as your pouts were a sight to behold, I love your content smile even more. I will have to make some of today up to you.

~

To my thoughtful Masamune.

It is December now, and you surprised me yet once again. I do know we celebrated Christmas together once, but I did not expect for you to hold onto the idea. This time, you organised everything by yourself, with your own twists to everything.

The party was great – the music, the food, the gifts, I loved every single moment of it. You dressed well too, and I swear, you look even more handsome in the more so festive clothes. It was just cool enough for me to shamelessly cuddle into your side as well… Did you plan that as well?

I must thank you for the gift tomorrow. You must have had ordered this fabric months in advance. It… It really feels amazing knowing that you truly listen to what I say. I love you, Masamune. Somehow, you have this way of making me feel loved even without using any words.

~

To my adventurous Masamune.

It is January now, and winters in this part of the country tend to grow rather harsh. The snow is thick, and it seemingly keeps on falling, and falling… I did not expect for you to suggest taking a trip, much less one to the hot springs.

I do not know what heated me up more – your kisses or the water. Good thing we retreated to our room fast, otherwise we could be thrown out of the estate. I am quite relaxed after we have made love… Perhaps my initial fear of you suggesting doing it in the snow was completely unfounded. Well, you would not force me to go forward with it anyway, but your drive for novelty is infectious at times.

You went out to get some food for us to share, and I am still lying in bed. The pillow smells of you, and the covers are pleasantly warm from our shared heat. I think you will want to slide right next to me once you are back, will you not? I know you do better with cold than the heat, but is it not too tempting? Ah, I think I can hear your steps… I wonder, what are those plans for tomorrow you have made.

~

To my calm Masamune.

It is February now. You seem to be at home plenty, and I welcome the change. We cook together nearly everyday, and I am enjoying it a lot. At first, those were more of classes than anything else, but now… We recreated some of the future dishes I told you about. Is that not amazing? You truly could be a chef in my original time.

However! Today I shall take my revenge! Just you wait and see, Masamune Date! I will pay you back for all those hugs from behind, and “sampled dishes”, and for all those “you seem to have a bit of the sauce over your lips”! I prepared something you did not expect yourself, and you have made me this devil!

I hope I can get this surprised face out of you. It should be tasty enough for that? I should carry it to you before it gets cold…

~

To my beloved Masamune.

It is March again, and I love you all the same.

Tag list: @datenoriko, @nad-zeta, @tsubaki3192, @missjudge-me, @ikemencrossedmyth, @nuttytani, @thesirenwashere, @milas-imaginarium, @kisara-16, @yukas-clover, @alerialumina , @cheese-ception , @iamryxx, @cottonfluffballofdoom, @ozziegrl71, @rikumorimachisgirl, @bestbryn, @kink-rabbithole  @ikesenfangirl @themysticalbeing If you want to be tagged under my future works, let me know (any way works)! ^^ Also, do remember to specify fandoms (and characters, if you are interested only in some) :D If it ever happens that you wish to be removed from my taglist, for any reason, do let me know. I will not ask why, it’s all fine ^^

[romanceboys]

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(200718) shinee — voice letter from taemin 6v6 ✉ #happytaeminday 🥳🧀 (translation: hi. now that i’m recording this, it kind of feels awkward. hi buddies. what are you up to? you know what day today is, right? it’s the 18th of july, my birthday! applause! i’ve celebrated 13 birthdays with you all already. since my debut, i’ve had happy and difficult days but my birthdays for the past 13 years have always been blissful because of my buddies who always stayed by my side. and that’s why today i wanted to personally gift everyone a voice letter. though i’m not an eloquent writer nor a speaker, i prepared this letter sincerely and seriously so make sure you pay attention till the end.  actually, we couldn’t meet much lately due to various reasons, right? i feel really sorry when i think about the fans who must be upset and disappointed. even so, seeing you all still support me consistently makes me feel—i don’t know how to put it—all soft and fuzzy inside. i know you’ve told me not to be sorry so i’m sorry for being sorry (laughs). i don’t know how to put this feeling into words but just like the lyrics to the song (t/n: taemin’s play me): there’s a limit to what words can express. even though i’m very shy, awkward, and can’t express myself well, i’m trying my best with my fans a lot. did you notice? don’t you think i’ve improved a little? at sixteen, seventeen, i didn’t know what to do with the love you gave me. but as the years passed, i gradually got adept at feeding on your love, absorbing it, then receiving plenty of sunlight to grow up well which is how i matured into an amazing 28-year-old taemin. though i’m still lacking, i’ll try even harder to express myself, and that’s why, buddies, you have to let me know going forward, okay? honestly now, i look forward to this day, 18th of july, not because it’s my birthday but because of the fans who are happy that it’s my birthday, being able to see this side of my buddies makes me really happy.  i wonder what everyone’s doing right now. i know you’re all doing well in your respective spaces, but i hope you’d feel the same as me while listening to this letter. although our bodies are separated, we’re together in our hearts—you know the feeling, right? time is a quite fascinating phenomenon. when you see me on the computer or the internet, you can seem to tell what i’m feeling, thinking just by looking into my eyes. however, i can too tell what you’re feeling just by looking into your eyes now. so be careful. i might catch you red-handed (laughs). this probably means we’ve really developed the trust between us, right?  as i grow older, your importance in my life keeps growing as well. when i look back on my good memories, you are always there. my fans, my buddies, who cherish me more than i cherish myself and love me exceedingly, just as how you have made my time beautiful, i’ll fill up your precious time with many more happy and beautiful memories. this might sound cliche but i believe the only way to repay your love is to show you a more mature, developed appearance, of course through good music and performance, but also through taemin as a person.  given the long time we’ve spent together, i think it’s not just our exterior but our growth process and memories that have been really strengthening our bond. i’ll work harder and prepare well so that you can feel proud of liking me, taemin, as an artist... please wait for a bit longer. do you remember what i told you before? the longer i’m making you wait, the more i have in store for you. so please anticipate it.  lastly, thank you so much for congratulating me on my 28th birthday. even on my 29th, 30th, 50th and 100th birthday, please stay by my side. to be honest, i’m embarrassed and shy but i’ll say it just this once.  listen carefully. i love you. let’s meet soon in good health!)

translated by romanceboys

[natromanxoff]

An Exclusive Interview With Queen!

Music Life September 1975 issue

By Kaoruko Togo and Keiko Miyasaka

[Original text in Japanese, translation by deathtoming]

Around noon on July 14th, we left the hotel by car, and around two hours later we arrived at the beautiful Ridge Farm, surrounded by trees. We were blessed with clear skies on this day, and the blue sky and the greenery of the farm were almost blindingly beautiful. It was a bit past 2 o’clock. When we arrived in the main building, we were first greeted by a large dog, followed by a familiar voice from a room in the back. It was a large food hall, with Freddie, Brian, Roger, and John present.

When they see us, the four of them say, “Hello! You’re from Music Life, right? Welcome!” and greet us with handshakes. The four of them rented this Ridge Farm to focus solely on rehearsing for their next album. “We’re about to have lunch. Want to join us?” We knew we couldn’t work while hungry, so we accepted their offer with thanks. When the meal finished, we could begin our interview at last….

Music Life (ML): Are you in the middle of recording now?

Roger: No, we’re not recording yet. We’re all practising our new songs together. Once we practise them, we get an idea of how we should record them, I think.

ML: When do you think you’ll start recording?

Roger Maybe in about 3 weeks…

John: We might use Rockfield Studios in Wales.

ML: Do you always record there?

Roger: No, not really, although we did a bit of recording there for our third album, Sheer Heart Attack.

Freddie. We used around five studios to record that one. We’ll probably use several studios this time around, too.

ML: You’ll do a bit of recording in London, too, right?

Roger: Probably a little bit, yeah. We usually do our mixing in London.

Brian: But when we first record the backing track, it’s better to do it somewhere where we’re nice and settled, so it’s good to do it while we’re holed out in the studio. By doing that, we’re able to relax and do the recording.

ML: Can you tell us something about your upcoming album?

Freddie: Yeah, well we only have the rough framework at this point, but I think it will be our best work so far. We’re in the middle of creating the songs now.

Roger: Nothing has really come together yet, so it’s difficult to explain.

John: When we first came here we presented what songs we had written so far to each other, and we had about two albums’ worth, haha.

ML: I hear you’re heading to the US on tour soon.

John: Probably. Our manager is in the US now, and he’s apparently in talks with a bunch of people.

Freddie: We have to decide whether to record the album or go on tour in the US like we had decided during our previous tour.

ML: How long have you been working with your producer?

Freddie: His name is Roy Thomas Baker, and he’s been with us since our debut album.

Roger: We’re co-producing the album with him. Our next album will be with him, too.

ML: This Ridge Farm is such a beautiful place. How did you find it?

Roger: Our mixer, John Harris, found it. The owner often rents out this place to rock groups, apparently.

<At this point, an airplane flies overhead, making an extremely loud noise! Everyone shouts “Quiet!”>

ML: When you write your songs, do you do it individually?

Freddie: Yes, that’s right. Everyone writes their own songs in their own homes, and then brings it to places like this and we all work on it.

ML: How many songs will be on this album?

Freddie: I don’t know yet. Maybe around 12.

ML: When will it be released?

Freddie: That depends on a lot of things. But I want it out some time this year. It will probably be by the end of this year.

ML: What have you been up to since you came back from Japan?

Freddie: For several weeks, we kept on talking about our time in Japan, haha. We’d unwrap the presents we got from Japan. Please pass along our thanks to our fans in Japan, because we were really treated so kindly.

<An airplane makes another appearance. The four look up and protest again.>

ML: Is there anything that stands out in particular from your time in Japan?

Roger: Aside from the people we met, probably our final show in Tokyo. Something felt special. It was also our final show in Japan. The atmosphere was wonderful.

John: I also remember appearing in a kimono on stage for the first time in that concert.

ML: What about Japanese food?

Freddie: Like, tempura, haha. We went to a Japanese restaurant with our bodyguards in Japan. Oh that’s right, please send our regards to those bodyguards; we owe them a lot.

ML: What do you want to do the most the next time you’re in Japan?

Roger: I’m going to go shopping for sure, haha! Things like tape recorders and other things. Last time, Freddie bought lots of ceramics, and Brian and John bought cameras.

ML: Brian, you like cameras, don’t you?

Brian: Yeah, I do photography sometimes, and I have lots of other hobbies. Right now I’m really into audio.

ML: Since when have you been taking pictures?

Brian: Since quite a long time ago. But I only recently got a good camera. In England, cameras are so expensive.

ML: This is especially the case in Japan, but you have a lot of young girls for fans. What do you think about that?

Roger: It’s outstanding, haha! Japanese fans in particular give us lots of presents. We don’t get too many gifts from other countries, but it seems to be a part of the Japanese tradition.

ML: Among your young, female Japanese fans, there are some who say that Queen is their first encounter with rock music.

Roger: Great!

Freddie: That’s a good thing. It was really exciting when we were in Japan, and I think it was probably the same kind of atmosphere as it was for the Beatles in the ‘60s.

<The others chime in with comments like, “That’s really good!”>

ML: Were there any interesting gifts from Japan?

Brian: I received a lot of birthday gifts, so thank you very much to all of you for those presents. I received many works of art, and also things like dolls and traditional balls wrapped with beautiful string. We got lots of toys, too.

Roger: That ball with the string was hand-made, right? I got one, too.

<The plane flies by again, distressing the band.>

ML: In your free time, what kind of music do you listen to?

Roger: I’ve been listening to Led Zeppelin's first album.

Freddie: Lately, classical. Like, Chopin. Also things like Led Zeppelin and John Lennon.

ML: Freddie, you have a broad range of interests.

Freddie: Of course. I’ll listen to anything that I like. That said, there’s no artist whose album I’d buy as soon as it was released.

ML: Brian, what about you?

Brian: Pretty much the same as everyone else. I often listen to Led Zeppelin.

ML: There’s a place called “Rhye” in the lyrics for Lily of the Valley, but is that a real place in England?

Freddie: No, it’s a land from my imagination. It’s also mentioned in Seven Seas of Rhye, and I guess it’s like a fairy tale.

Roger: There is a place called “Rye” in England, although the spelling is different.

ML: Your songs’ lyrics seem to be influenced by classical poets.

Freddie: You’re referring to lyric poetry. I don’t think we’re influenced by that too much. Truthfully, I don’t have time to read. I just like expressing myself in that way. Those kinds of expressions are easier.

ML: Do the really passionate lyrics for love songs come from your personal experiences?

Roger: Ahhhh--!! Haha, yeah right! But I guess there’s, uh, a little bit of something in there.<Grinning> But Brian sometimes writes really passionate ones.

ML: She Makes Me is quite the song, isn’t it?

Brian: No, it’s not like that at all. <Acting quite bashfully> Although there are times when my personal experiences are expressed in song lyrics.

<The rest of the band hoot and holler at this!>

ML: The band does a good job recreating the sound from your records live on stage, don’t you?

Roger: We’re not trying to reproduce what you hear on the record exactly, though. Of course we want to produce a good sound, but on stage we also need to add an exciting mood to the quality of the sound. So that’s why it needs to be a little different from the album.

ML: Which do you like better, recording or performing live?

Freddie: I like both. They’re both interesting in their own ways.

ML: Do you use any special equipment on stage?

Roger: No, although Brian uses echo machines and such.

ML: Do you have a lighting technician?

Freddie: We do have one, but the band comes up with the idea, and our lighting guy -- his name is James Dann -- takes care of the rest. We’ve already come up with our next stage design and it’s going to be interesting.

<The plane flies by again. Everyone looks defeated.>

ML: Killer Queen was a big hit single; are hit singles important to you?

Roger: It’s not absolutely necessary. But we’ll keep on releasing singles. Of course we’ll only release ones we like, though.

ML: Which do you like better, singles or albums?

Freddie: Definitely albums! I think our music is geared more towards albums rather than singles.

Roger: Rather than releasing single after single, it’s better if there happens to be a song in the album that works well as a single, and we release it if the timing is right. It’s not good if we start thinking we need to release a single every 3 months.

John: On this upcoming album as well, we will record everything first, and then release something if it works well as a single. But we don’t particularly record only songs that would work as singles.

ML: Does it seem like you’ll have another song like Killer Queen?

Freddie: No, when Seven Seas of Rhye became a hit in England, the people at the record company wanted our next song to be like that, but we couldn’t do it. We go in the studio and record what we’re feeling at that time, and only after everything is finished do we decide as a group what to release as a single.

ML: So, you’re always looking for a new sound?

Freddie: It’s more interesting that way.

Roger: That’s why we come to places like this, and while we’re rehearsing we make a bunch of noise and form songs from that.

ML: Did someone serve as an inspiration for Killer Queen?

Roger: Freddie’s mom.

<Everyone bursts out laughing>

ML: Do you have plans for a British tour?

Roger: Yeah. Probably by the end of this year.

John: But first we need to record our album, and we don’t know what will come after.

ML: Which country’s fans do you like?

John: Japan’s, of course, haha!

Brian: <Speaking seriously> We were really surprised by the reaction of our Japanese fans. Honestly speaking, we didn’t realize it was at that level.

Roger: We thought there would be difficulties because of the language difference, but rock fans are the same around the world, in the end.

ML: Did you have a break after you came back from Japan?

John: Just a little. But we had lots of preparation to do, so it’s like we didn’t have a break.

ML: And uhh… now I’d like to ask about things outside of the music. It’s something Japanese fans want to know: when did you fall in love for the first time? What kind of person were they?

<Everyone reacts in horror, and they point at each other, with no one answering the question. Finally, Freddie speaks for the group.>

Freddie: Err… our first love is, of course, music, haha.

ML: Do you have any memories from when you were going to school?

Roger: I haaaaated school!

ML: What about you, Brian?

Brian: I went to an all boys school. I had no idea what girls were like, right up to when I graduated when I was 18. It was really a shock when I first got to know girls. But that’s the British school system for you. I was raised away from girls for so long that I was afraid to meet them.

Freddie: You’re still afraid of them, aren’t you? Haha. <This was a tough joke>

ML: Freddie, what subjects did you like in school?

Roger Oh, I know! ”Needlework”! <Everyone bursts out laughing>

Freddie: Art. I studied graphics and illustration at an art school for 3 years.

ML: What about sports?

Freddie: I did everything. Cricket, tennis…

ML: Do you still meet up with your friends from school?

Freddie: I often meet with around two of them.

ML: And, finally, are you married?

Roger: Japanese fans often want to know things like that, but I won’t say. <Roger winks mischievously.>

Freddie: We’re all single! But the Japanese girls have to find that out for themselves.

ML: Let’s get a message from each one of you to our readers…

And with that, the friendly interview came to an end. We were fortunate that the band talked to us in a relaxed mood while bathing in the bright sun.

[heytherejulietx]

Precious ~ Bughead

Masterlists

Requests are OPEN (Bughead only)

Read on AO3 here.

Notes - Ahh I really love this one and I think it’s super cute so please let me know what you think! This is inspired by something me and @kpopgirlbtssvt were talking about yesterday so thank you so much for the idea love, I love you so much and I hope you like it!!!!

Warnings - None.

Word count - 1.7k.

Riverdale tag list - @bucky-j-barnes @adorably-sweet-hufflepuff @kpopgirlbtssvt @booksmusicteaandanimals @happy-puff @teenloves

To join my tag list fill out this form

If someone had asked Jughead during high school on his thoughts about being a father, he would have completely sworn off of the idea. After his childhood trauma with his own father, Jughead was scared. He was scared he would end up as a horrible father just like his own dad was. It seemed like the Jones curse, almost. His grandfather had treated his father badly, and his father hadn't treated him well either. Even after his dad was back home and they were getting along, it was still something that scared him. Jughead aimed to be a lot of things when he was older, but a father was not one of them. 

But nothing could even compare to the feeling of holding his little girl in his arms for the first time.

Juliet Elizabeth Jones had been born at quarter to eleven in the evening on the tenth of February. And since that moment she had Jughead wrapped around his little finger. He would do anything for his little girl; she had him entranced just as much as Betty did. Maybe even more so, being as small and vulnerable as she was. He had worried all through Betty's pregnancy about being a father, if he would do it right and give his child a good childhood - a much better one than he had went through. But almost a year after Juliet was born, Jughead couldn't wish for a better life. He was happy and proud to be a father.

On a usual day, Betty would be up and out of bed before Jughead was, making breakfast or taking care of Juliet to give him an extra few minutes of sleep in peace. Though on a rare day, Jughead would get up before her and take over on what she would usually do. Guilt often rested in his chest for Betty doing things in the morning, and although she assured him it was fine and she wanted him to sleep more, it still felt wrong to him. They were married and had a baby together, so he really didn't mind letting Betty get some more well needed rest.

His urge to be up and doing things before Betty could lead to him being stood in the kitchen with Juliet balanced on his hip, one arm supporting her body against him as he used his free hand to flip the bacon that was sizzling in the frying pan on the stove in front of him. One thing that he both adored and stressed over was that Juliet was extremely clingy. Of course, it was adorable at first. Jughead loved any time he got with his daughter, and the fact that she wanted to cuddle all of the time was just so precious to him. But when he was trying to do things like cook breakfast or work on his writing, it was harder to do so when having to hold his daughter. He had already tried putting her in her high-chair once before so he could have both hands free, but at the mere sight of his daughter's bottom lip quivering as her big round eyes filled with tears he lifted her up again and rocked her until she was content again. 

One thing Jughead liked to do was constantly be entertaining Juliet in some way, even whilst he was holding her. When he had her with him when he was writing he would jog his leg every so often and make her giggle at the movement, when he was sat with her doing nothing of any particular importance he would tell her stories. But when he was trying to juggle cooking and holding her, which happened much more often than you would think, Jughead hummed to her. He couldn't sing well like Betty could (it melted his heart every time he watched his beautiful wife sing their daughter to sleep) but he could hum as good of a tune as anyone else could.

Juliet giggled into the crook of Jughead's neck as he moved around the kitchen, humming the tune of Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams as he moved around. He couldn't have said he was too big of a fan of theirs, but JB's everchanging taste in music ended up in many different records that she had gifted Jughead and Betty for Christmases and birthdays. The most recent album, American Idiot, was one he had actually enjoyed; in comparison to the album before that (a Taylor Swift one that Betty seemed to enjoy quite a lot) it was a lot better in his opinion.

A slightly louder laugh left his daughter as he gently pretended to drop her for a moment, a squeal of giggles filling the kitchen as she clutched onto the collar of his shirt tightly. His own lips curved into a fond smile as he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head, her raven curls tickling his cheek for that moment.

"Please don't drop our daughter."

Jughead looked up and smiled a little more when he caught sight of his wife shuffling into the kitchen, visibly still half asleep. The upper half of her body was engulfed in one of his softer flannels that she ended up wearing more than him, and besides that the only other thing she was wearing was a pair of white fuzzy socks on her feet. Even though she still looked tired and her hair was a little messy, she was still beautiful to him. There had never been a moment where she wasn't. But she was more beautiful to him simply at knowing that she was his wife and the mother of his child.

Jughead kept supporting Juliet on his hip as he put the spatula down on the counter, holding out his arm for Betty to move into as she shuffled closer to him. Her arms moved around him to hold herself close as she mumbled a muffled "morning" into his shoulder, a kiss pressed to his exposed collarbone once she had spoken.

"Sleep okay?" Jughead smiled softly as he leaned down to drop a kiss to her hairline, watching as she reached up her hand to brush through Juliet's curly hair, the same colour as his own. Although she had his hair, he believed that the rest of her beauty was entirely Betty; from her wide green eyes and her rounder features. It was all her. Only she could make something so beautiful.

"Mhm." Betty hummed and nodded, leaning up on her tiptoes to gently press a kiss to his cheek before she pulled away from him to move across the kitchen to where the kettle was, grabbing two mugs for both herself and Jughead. 

"I can do that." Jughead offered as he picked the spatula up again, though Betty just shook her head. Once she was doing something it was hard to get her to stop, being probably more stubborn than he was, though after years of being together Jughead still tried. 

"It's fine, love. You have Julie." Betty smiled as she shook her head as she poured out a mug of coffee for Jughead, making herself a cup of tea instead.

"I think it's going to be a struggle to give her to Jellybean later." Jughead chuckled as he pressed a gentle kiss to the side of his daughter's head, who was still gently clutching the collar of his shirt in tiny fists, her head resting into the crook of his neck again.

"What time is she getting here, again?" Betty's voice came from behind him, and before he could protest she had taken the spatula out of his hand and took over on dishing up the bacon and eggs. Deciding to just let her take over he gently touched her lower back and moved past her to grab his coffee instead.

"In about an hour. Gives us enough time to get munchin ready." He lightly poked Juliet in her side and caused her to giggle as she squirmed a little in his grip, though didn't let go.

Jughead took a seat at their kitchen table just as Betty walked over with the plates and sat them down on the surface. Once he was seated he shifted Juliet to be sat in his lap facing the table, smiling softly as Betty placed a small plate of sliced banana in front of her; he'd been so occupied with Juliet he hadn't even seen her cut it.

"Are we still meeting your dad for lunch?" Betty asked as she sat down beside him, smiling fondly as she watched Juliet munch happily on her banana slices. It was something she had always said to Jughead ever since Juliet was born, that she had his appetite. 

"Yeah, but I mean we don't have to tell him if you want to wait." Jughead smiled at her softly, reaching a hand out to place it on her thigh, gently squeezing as he moved his free hand to shovel some eggs into his mouth.

"No, I want to. We'll have the scan picture. Plus it'd be nice if he's the first to know." Betty smiled softly and nodded, placing her hand over her husband's as she took a sip of her tea, the cold band of her wedding ring resting over his knuckle.

"At least it'll distract him from his favourite not being there." Jughead chuckled and gestured towards Juliet.

Ever since Juliet was born, she had meant the world to everyone close to their small family, but she was the world to FP. He had been so excited to be a grandfather throughout all of Betty's pregnancy, maybe even more so than Alice was to be a grandmother. Every time FP was with Juliet it was hard to separate the two. It was like they both were each other's favourites.

"It is quite a big distraction." Betty giggled quietly and nodded her head.

Jughead gently moved her hand up from her thigh to her stomach, flattening the material of his flannel against it to reveal the small bump forming there. He lightly ran his thumb along it softly, before leaning over to press a gentle but loving kiss to Betty's lips, warmth pooling inside him when he felt her smile into it.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too, Juggie."

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Unreleased songs - ɟ

Hi, babies 👋🏼. Long time no see 😂 As I said I would, ta-daah!

So, honeys, today’s topic is about unreleased songs as the title of the post suggests, but that’s not what you think. Let me explain. For years I’ve been investigating the world of celebrities, the world of Hollywood, and the more time passes, the more things I’m able to discover, even if ‘slowly’ because I work. As I mentioned in the ‘Award shows’ post, thanks to the time I still have for a while because I’m on vacation for a few more days, I finally had time to find out some information about ‘who?’, ‘how?’, and ‘why?’ we’re getting blessed with so many unreleased songs. I haven’t found an answer to everything yet, but I’m working on it. For now, I’ll tell you what I know and my theories. If any of you know anything more, please, PLEASE DM me: @fa-by.

Let’s go in order. ‘Who?’:

I think that like me, many of you have always wondered ‘Who’s leaking all these songs? Is it a hacker? Is it the artist’s management? Is it the artist themself?’. The answer to these questions is unfortunately still only what I think. For me, it’s the artist’s label. Labels are usually the ones that own the master recording copyrights. [If you want to know more about the subject, I wrote a post about it: ‘How the music world works’. If you’re interested, Mari did this very cool thing for me. All you have to do is click on the #f anon on her blog to see all my posts (I know I sounded like a grandma, but I said it’s cool because I didn’t know it could be done. I’m pretty good with tech in general, but I’m still pretty new to the Tumblr world, okay? Don’t make fun of me 🤓🤣)]

As I also explained in that post, a recording agreement states that the label becomes the owner of all the master recordings recorded by the artist during the period of the agreement. And yes, this also includes unreleased recordings. And that’s why I’m very convinced that it’s the label. Labels are at the tip of the pyramid, and they are the ones who make every decision about their artists. Managements, agents, publicists, etc., only execute directives. So I think they’re the ones leaking those songs through their own IT departments.

It also depends on the cases and why, but sometimes instead, they even paid someone outside, hackers or ordinary people, to do it. The same methods they used to ‘hack’ and spread even false personal data and information about their artists. The reasons vary of course. They may have leaked a song because their artist hadn’t released something in a while and to keep fans engaged. They may have done it to see the fans’ response to that genre of song and if they’ve vibed with it to be able to choose the kind of direction for their artist to take for the new album and next single. They may have done so with a song they knew they were going to officially release just to get more attention on the song itself (example: ‘Love Incredible’ and ‘First Man’). They may have done it simply for publicity and to get people talking about their artist. Really, they may have done so for all sorts of reasons.

This, however, happened mostly in the past. Now, based on what I’ve discovered, I’ve realized that there’s also another reason why they do it. And this reason, leads us to the next question: ‘How?’

I’ve already anticipated how they did in the past and sometimes still do. By using their IT departments or by paying someone outside to do it for them. But I haven’t yet explained how they do it now, which leads to my discovery.

*Little story for you first*🙃 (#donthateme)

I was simply scrolling to see what new music was released and if there was any interesting news. The typical “I was minding my own business when”, you know? Well, that’s how I came across ‘Party Animal’.

I can literally picture you saying to me: “But, Faby, Party Animal is an old song!”. Yes, it is. Party Animal is a 2017 song sung by Charly Black & Luis Fonsi. But did you know that a remix with Camila on it should have been released and that it got scrapped?? 🤯🤯🤯🤯 That’s what I came across! In the snippet to be more precise. I knew the remix existed [I also talked about it in one of my last posts to reply to an Anon], but I’d never listened to its snippet, so imagine my surprise when I found it in front of me out of nowhere! And they even created a mashup between her snippet and the original song to see how the remix would’ve turned out to be. I’m gonna put a piece of the mashup with Camila’s snippet at the end of the post for you to listen to.

Party Animal brought me to the snippets of ‘It’s Only Natural’ ft. Skrillex, the original demo of ‘Sangria Wine’ which together with Pharrell, was initially also supposed to have J Balvin and Young Thug on it, ‘Pretending’ by Lauren, and many others that I didn’t yet know existed, including those I knew about and that I listened to again, like for example the first version of ‘Havana’, that is the first real original demo with Starrah, or ‘Who Can I Run To’ by 5H, or ‘If It Ain’t Me’ by Dua Lipa ft. Normani (leaked unreleased song, recorded for Dua’s Future Nostalgia album), etc., etc.

What happened then? Thanks to those snippets and to the re-listening of all the ones I already knew, I resumed investigating as I’d already started doing this summer, and I finally discovered this:

*end of the little story*

There are sites. Hackers sites that sell these songs. Yes, you read that correctly. SELL. These sites sell unreleased and exclusive music from any artist. From top A singers to less famous and unknown singers. Anyone can register and anyone can buy the songs. Sounds too good to be true, right? Well, if you’re lucky enough to have A LOT of money to throw around, then those sites are for you. These sites are not cheap. Some of them charge you money even when you just register.

Do you want examples to better understand? Okay, let’s talk about our Camren.

Remember when I submitted the post with Lauren’s ‘Inside’ studio version on December 17th? Remember how many of you felt guilty to listen to it even though you were happy to do it and even though I told you that Lauren herself said it wouldn’t be on the album? Well, do you wanna know the real reason we got this leaked? Because a Camila fan BOUGHT it from one of those websites and released it as a ‘Christmas gift’ for all of us!

Do you know how on July 21 we had ‘Curious’, ‘Cleopatra’, and ‘Unforgettable’? How on August 22 we had ‘Just Like You’ ft. Jack Ü? How on September 3 we had ‘Come When I Call’ ft. Pharrell Williams, ‘Taxi’, and ‘Eyes on You’? And how the next day, the 4th, we had ‘Terrified’? The only reason we’ve been blessed with all of these unreleased songs by Camila, is because people BOUGHT them from those sites exactly as it happened with Inside!

We’re about to be fed with a lot more, guys. You see, this is another thing I discovered. These websites [I only know of four at the moment, and honestly? It was pretty easy to find them, so it won’t be a problem for you either. But please, please, please guys, don’t ask me to tell you the sites here publicly because I won’t. I don’t want any problems.], these hackers, sometimes release snippets for free to spark buyer interest. These snippets then end up on the internet, and that’s how we ‘mere mortals’ also learn about the existence and titles of songs discarded from albums. But most of the time, even the snippets have to be bought because they’re about highly desired songs. This happens because, for example, maybe an artist has mentioned them in an interview and therefore fans want them.

I’ll give you a practical example. Remember when Camila talked about The Boy? We obviously all freaked out because not only was it a song written by Ed Sheeran that she rewrote almost completely, but mostly because we WANTED and WANT to hear it. Same thing that happened with God Is a Woman. So what did the hackers do? They put the snippets up for sale because they were both very requested songs. Once the snippets were sold and spread well, they put the songs up for sale in full. And do you wanna know how much The Boy is on sale? $3,000 on one unreleased selling site, and $3,500 on another one [Prices I read from the comments of some accounts that are registered on those sites]. I wasn’t kidding when I said they aren’t cheap… Although there are songs that cost less, such as ‘Thinkin Bout One’ (song discarded from the album ‘Camila’) which is currently on sale for $300. Still waaay too much and pretty over the top for my ass.

If you happen to see snippets of Camren’s unreleased songs or 5H’s around, it’s only thanks and because these websites are selling them. Unfortunately, there’s no possibility of having them in full unless someone pays for them first.

And all this leads us to the last question: ‘Why?’

Why? Very simple answer: for money. As I said I explained in my ‘How the music world works’ post [and I’m truly sorry to bring this up again, but it really makes sense with what I’m saying and if you don’t understand what I’m talking about now, then I suggest you go read that first and then come back here], labels buy some songs for the album from authors and ghostwriters, and invest on the artist by giving them an advance to make that album. This advance is mainly reserved to pay for the recording of the album, and this means paying for the recording costs, which includes the payment of A LOT of other things that I explained there. What interests us in this case, is that the recording costs also include all those songs that were later discarded from an album.

The labels paid to have the artist do those songs, and since they weren’t released, they didn’t make any money off those songs. Neither the labels nor the artists who recorded them. Or rather, the labels have certainly regained the money invested to make them thanks to the recoupment of the recording costs. Either immediately, or in any case later thanks to cross-collateralization. But the artist? They just lost money, and they both earned no royalties or licenses precisely because those songs were never released.

So what did they come up with to make money on those songs too? They put them up for sale. Theory’s time: In my opinion, labels use hackers because they know how not to be tracked. Think about it.

I’ll give you an example. If you were to create a site, would you know how to protect it? Would you know what data is coming in and out of your website? Would you know which functions are constantly running and which are not? Would you know which programs transmit data externally and which ones don’t? Would you know which programs are suspicious? Would you know to create alternative algorithms, security plugins, and serious firewalls that prevent unauthorized access? I could go on all day, but if your answer is no, then I guess you get my point.

They use external hackers. People outside their IT departments in such a way as not to create any kind of connection between them. They use them as they would use publishers, distributors, and collection agencies with an officially released song all at once. It’s a give-and-take. The hackers take the necessary security measures and create the sites, the labels pass the unreleased songs to them, and the hackers put them up for sale. Once sold, the hackers get their share and the labels get the biggest percentage. It’s actually brilliant if you think about it.

Now let’s move on to the last small part of this post.

Do the artists know that their unreleased songs are for sale? I think they really do. And I’ll tell you more. I think they have deals with their own label to get their share of sales as well. I believe that they’re also themselves (with label approval of course) who choose which one to put up for sale and which one to keep to use in the future, whether it’s for an album or simply to take and use part of the lyrics from that song for a new one.

And then, think about it for a moment. Do you really believe that if someone else had ‘stolen’ them and put them up for sale, the labels wouldn’t have noticed? That they wouldn’t immediately have shut down their sites and take action since it’s not a single song? And I’m also talking about legal measures that they would have taken together with the authors of those songs since they, the labels, are the owners of the master recording copyrights, and the authors are the owners of the composition copyrights. Come on, my friends. Do you have any idea how powerful major labels are? But anyway.

Do I think we have a problem? Do I think all of this could lead to problems for the girls for their future sales? Nope. I honestly think this is just more publicity for them. I think thanks to these songs, people/fans can even more and really see how talented they are, especially in lyrics. Lauren for example, who still hasn’t graced us with her album. These songs are like appetizers while waiting for the main course: LJ1.

And now I’m really done 😄 I remind you that all these unreleased songs for sale are scraps of their albums, scraps of remixes and collaborations, and scraps in general, so they’re not really harming them by selling them. Don’t let yourself get unnecessary heart attacks, please🤣

If you have any questions, as usual, all you have to do is ask. I send you lots of love with virtual hugs 🤗 Stay safe. Stay patient. Be kind to yourself and others. I love you, babies. As usual, always with love, F ❤️

As promised, this is the mashup piece with Camila’s snippet:

Still here, hi 👋🏼😊 aaand super bonus for you just because I love you. I know this is gonna literally make you scream, jump, cry, and I mean, it will literally get you out of your minds exactly as it did to me. I present to you a demo of No Way (my second favorite 5H song) ONLY SUNG BY CAMREN!!!!!! It’s only 42 seconds, and the only difference is actually Camila who sings also Normani’s part before hers, but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, it’s heavenly 😻😍 Thank me later and for now, just enjoy, my children, just enjoy:

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

___

Party Animal

I have the post the audio apart from this so you can hear it too

[authenticcadence18]

Ladynoir July Days 16/17: First Kiss/Future

Ladybug and Chat Noir are celebrating their first anniversary!!! Marinette can hardly believe she and Adrien have been married for an entire year. Adrien, meanwhile, still can't get over the fact that another "first" of theirs was erased from his memory a long time ago, during their fight with Dark Cupid.

Marinette, fortunately, has a few ideas on how to cheer him up.

@ladynoirjuly2020

AO3

...

“...alright, we’re getting closer...nearly there…and…TADA!!!!!!!”

Ladybug proudly gestured across the rooftops to a nearby building whose own roof was illuminated with rosy candlelight.

“I made us a candlelight dinner!!” she exclaimed gleefully. After a moment’s pause, she elaborated, “But don’t worry, the candles aren’t real...I didn’t leave a bunch of lit candles alone for hours, promise.”

Chat’s eyes were wide with awe (he didn’t seem concerned about the legitimacy of the candles).

“.....it’s…beautiful…” he breathed as he gazed across the skyline, still unable to fathom just how lucky he felt to love and be loved by someone as amazing as Marinette after all these years. “I know I already gave you my gift, but now I want to give you something else!”

Marinette rolled her eyes and smiled. “YOU are the only gift I need, Chaton…although the new sewing machine you got me was certainly an amazing surprise.”

She had actually already sewn a little something with the gift Adrien had given her that morning...but she wasn’t going to think about that just yet.

There would be time for it later.

Shaking her head to clear it, Marinette extended a hand out to her partner and said, “Now, shall we go?”

Adrien grinned and replied, “After you, m’lady.”

Together, they raced across the rooftops, laughing and letting out shouts of joy the whole way.

“Alright, here we are!” Marinette announced as they touched down on the luminescent rooftop. “I brought up some of our favorite foods! And there’s pastries and ice cream for dessert!!”

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Adrien asked. “Let’s eat!”

...

“...so what do you think, Adrien? Is this the best first anniversary ever or what?”

Marinette sighed contentedly as she nuzzled into Adrien’s shoulder, mentally patting herself on the back for remembering to bring a nice, soft blanket for them to relax on.

“It definitely is…” Adrien replied softly, kissing his lady on the forehead. “It’s crazy to think we’ve already been married for a whole year.”

“A whole, wonderful year…” Marinette sang happily. “A perfectly perfect year!”

“It’s been a pretty special year, alright,” Adrien agreed. “A first year I’ll never forget…”  

Out of nowhere, a shadow passed over his face, like a gray cloud materializing in a sunny blue sky just minutes before a storm.

“...but I wish I could say that for another ‘first’ of ours.”

Marinette cocked her head up at him, perplexed...and then she realized what he was referring to and let out a groan.

“Oh come ON, Adrien. Don’t tell me you’re still upset about Dark Cupid.”

“It was our first kiss!!!” Adrien protested, folding his arms over his chest in a pout, standing from the blanket, and pacing over to the iron fence surrounding the roof. “You remember it and I don’t!”

“But Aaaadrieeennnn…” Marinette warbled in an over-the-top, sing-songy tone as she stood to join him. “We were only teenagers! And we’re MARRIED now...it’s our FIRST ANNIVERSARY of being married! Isn’t that more exciting than a first kiss?”

“I’m not saying it isn’t!” Adrien replied quickly. “I just…” He sighed, unsure how to explain the feelings tumbling around in his head.

“Adrien, that wasn’t our real first kiss!” Marinette insisted. “It was like...a stage kiss! In a play! Not that it didn’t mean anything, it definitely did! But still!! That wasn’t our TRUE first kiss...you remember our true first kiss.”

Adrien couldn’t help but smile tenderly at that. “Yeah, I do…”

For a few moments, husband and wife found themselves lost in a beautiful memory.

And then the downtrodden expression returned to Adrien’s face. “...but no matter what, I’ll never remember our literal first kiss…and it’s all because of my….”

He grimaced, as if his intended words were too bitter to speak.

“....because of Hawkmoth…”

Suddenly the air was sharp, deadly, poisonous.

And Marinette realized her husband’s frustration at not remembering their first kiss wasn’t silly at all.

“...he took so much away from me...away from us....” Adrien whispered, swallowing and biting the inside of his cheek to keep a sob from escaping his throat. “I hate that he took our first kiss too....”

“Adrien…” Marinette cupped a hand around her husband’s face and stroked it gently with her thumb, finally understanding why this was bothering him so much and HATING that she even had to understand it in the first place. “I’m so sorry...I didn’t realize……”

For a moment, a flare of anger ignited in her gut.

Even the thought of Gabriel Agreste rotting away in a jail cell for the rest of his days didn’t help.

And then she took a deep breath.

Anger, however righteous it may have been, wasn’t what Adrien needed right now.

“Adrien...Hawkmoth might have taken the memory of that kiss from you, but he can’t take the meaning of it....just because you don’t remember that kiss doesn’t mean it shouldn’t mean anything to you. You know WHY I kissed you, don’t you?”

His eyes were still hollow and sad. “I was under a spell, trying to attack you…” he mumbled.

“And the only reason you were so GOOD at attacking me was because you cared so much about me in real life, Adrien.” Marinette stroked his cheek and smiled knowingly. “I kissed you to SAVE you...and it only worked because you were my true love. Even back then, before I knew Chat Noir and Adrien were the same person, I loved both parts of you...even if I didn’t quite realize it yet. If I hadn’t truly loved you, that kiss might not have worked…

“And, for the record, it WAS a pretty nice kiss.” She smirked and tweaked his nose playfully.

Adrien’s ears perked up a bit at that, and he chuckled slightly, in spite of himself. “Oh really?” he asked with a wry grin.

Marinette nodded, and then she tapped her chin thoughtfully. “It WAS a long time ago, though...you might have to remind me what it could have felt like.”

Adrien grinned and gently took her face in his hands, caressing her cheek and pressing his forehead against her own. “I think that can be arranged,” he whispered before leaning in and capturing her lips with his own.

A kiss couldn’t fix everything, of course. But it was a start.

...

“...thanks for cheering me up, m’lady…”

Marinette and Adrien were snuggled up on the blanket once more, gazing up at the stars as they enjoyed one another’s company.

“Anytime, kitty,” Marinette replied, ruffling his hair.

Something fluttered in Marinette’s gut, and she started slightly.

In all the emotional commotion, she’d briefly forgotten about her final intended gift to Adrien.

And though they’d been married for a year, she suddenly felt just as nervous around him as she had as a teenager.

“You know, Adrien…” she voiced, leaning her head into the crook of his neck to hide her flustered expression, “I know you don’t remember our literal first kiss…but, if it makes you feel any better, there are going to be PLENTY of more amazing firsts in our future…”

Marinette hesitated.

What if Adrien wasn’t ready for this?

What if SHE wasn’t ready for this?

…maybe she needed to test the waters first.

“....like, say when we have our first kid.” Marinette posed this scenario nonchalantly, trying to hide the way her hands had begun to shake.

Almost instantly, any lingering pain or frustration vanished from Adrien’s demeanor. Suddenly, he was illuminated with hope, practically vibrating with it. “You’re so right...that will be an AMAZING first!” he replied excitedly.

Marinette’s heart swelled within her chest at his impassioned reaction, and she scolded herself for doubting her husband (and herself) for a minute.

They were SO ready for this.

“Yeah…finding out you’re going to be a dad for the first time...that will be pretty neat, huh?” she added on.

“That will be wonderful…” Adrien said wistfully. “Someday…”

Marinette bit her tongue to hold back a giggle.

Even after all these years, Adrien was still the oblivious boy she’d first fallen for.

“Holding our child for the first time will be pretty special too,” she continued knowingly. “And hearing them say their first word.”

“Yeah…” Adrien chuckled and mused, “The way you talk about it makes it sound like we already HAVE a kid…”

He gazed out over the horizon for a few seconds, longing evident in his gaze….and then he paused. His posture shifted, and he slowly turned to gaze at his wife again.

“.....we…we don’t already have a kid….do we?”

Marinette now clutched a small wrapped package in her hands, and she was practically glowing. Adrien accepted the gift with tentative hands, eyes growing wider and wider by the second. He slowly undid the wrapping, caught a glimpse of what was inside…and his jaw dropped.

Nestled within the folds of the wrapping paper was a black blanket accented with green and red.

A baby blanket.

“....surprise!” Marinette whispered as Adrien lifted the gift up reverently. He turned to her, eyes shining.

“...is this the secret project you were working on this morning?” he asked, voice shaky.

Marinette nodded.

“....we’re going to be parents? You’re going to be a mom?? I’m going to be a fa…a dad???”

“You are!” Marinette replied warmly, glancing down at her stomach and then up at him again with a beaming smile.

Adrien engulfed her in a hug, sobbing and laughing and kissing her cheeks and sobbing some more. Then he recoiled away.

“Wait, is this okay? Am I allowed to hug you still??”

Marinette let out a hearty laugh (and wiped away a few tears of her own) before hugging him again. “I’m FINE, Chaton…I’m not that far along yet, but I appreciate your concern.”

Adrien smiled as he snuggled into her arms.

“....I love you so much, Marinette……”

He leaned out of her arms and gingerly laid a hand on her stomach. “...and I love you too…” he whispered softly.

Marinette placed a hand on top of Adrien’s and smiled. “They love you too….” she whispered before leaning up to kiss his cheek.

“...and so do I.”

“....you were right, Marinette…this is definitely a more amazing first than our first kiss.”

“...I told you so.”

...

I'm writing some one-shots for Ladynoir July! What days will I write for? How many fics will I be able to finish?

...only Ahtohallan knows.

(I originally started writing this for Day 16, and then I realized today’s prompt is “Future” and got super excited because I wouldn’t have to post it late after all!!)

(also, I want to give a HUGE THANK YOU to @youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal! She beta-read this fic for me AND helped me brainstorm stuff while it was still just a bulleted list of events and a stream of dialogue 😂. SHE'S AWESOME!!!)

[yourlocalauthor]

Adore You PT.2

Pairing: Topper x Reader

Summary: Reader moved to the OBX two years ago. One year in she started dating Topper Thornton. Our once feisty reader, is now struggling with an identity crisis (this is shit but its 230 where i am)

Word Count: 2.4k+

Warnings: Drugs and Alcohol, and some cursing. That should be all.

Additional: This part two go read part one . tagging @goddsquad again because one of her posts inspired me to do this

Part 1

Things were finally good. For the first time in two years you weren’t desperate to get off the island. Things were very different for you, and you didn’t mind it. Last year after that night, you and Topper hung out. Matter of fact you had begun hanging out with your brother’s friend group. He wasn’t happy, but you were able to black mail him over your knowledge of him and his new found love for cocaine. Although he swears it was just the one time. So life began to change a little bit for you. That summer was magical, and you owed it all to your drunk self walking in on your brother doing a line of coke. You had begun dating Topper in late July. Since then things had only gone up hill for you, at school people were actually talking to you. You had actual kook girls talking to you, and deep down you knew they were doing it because of your boyfriend, and/or brother. The brother part wasn’t new to you though. But being Topper’s girlfriend wasn’t easy; you had a new reputation to uphold, his family’s. You didn’t think much of it, until his mother pulled you aside one day. Topper’s mother scared the shit of you. She always gave you this glare, even before you even knew Topper. You were fairly sure she was a part of the neighborhood women who enjoyed talking about you. Your suspicions were only confirmed when she talked to you. She told you to put away the whole charade, act like a real lady, and to stop dressing like a whore. When you got home you cried for hours, but you loved Topper. You loved him so much that you would put up with it. So you changed yourself, your bright eyeshadows were saved for going out and partying, the little gemstones you’d stick to your face were in a drawer collecting dust, no more low cut shirts, or low coverage bottoms. There were days where you’d look in the mirror, and a stranger would be staring back at you. And it was foolish, how less then a year ago you didn’t care what anyone on this stupid island thought of you, but ever since people started to acknowledge your existence in a somewhat positive way you missed having that attention. You didn’t want it to go away, so you did what you needed to. You didn’t expect him too, but Topper started to notice. He’d ask about it here and there and you’d tell him you just didn’t feel like going through the whole process of getting ready. He believed you and then you’d get back to whatever the two of you were doing. And it worked for the two of you, and you weren’t exactly sure what love felt like but this felt like it. So you were willing to do whatever you needed to, to stay with him.

Dinner parties you hated them. Always had, and probably always will. But the thing with suddenly becoming a part of the elite of the elite Kooks, was they threw a lot of them. Coincidentally the Thorntons had this huge party, every year where practically everyone on the figure eight was invited. You remembered the one last year, you were in New York much to your mother's dismay but it was your best friend’s birthday and you wouldn’t miss it for the world. But of course you couldn’t skip it this year. You dreaded Friday evening, looking for an excuse to get away but of course the time came and you had to start getting ready.

You needed to be simple. You never thought you’d think like that, but here you were. You had gone out towards the mainland, last weekend with a bunch of your ‘girlfriends’. The only reason you were all friends was because your boyfriends were all friends, and it worked ever so slightly. You all were able to benefit each out, in your case they were able to help you dress for the occasion. They helped you pick out this flowery flowy white dress, it ended just about your knees, it had a scooped neckline that didn’t show off too much, and it had little sleeves. Deep down you hated how boring it was, but the only thing running through your mind was ‘Mrs. Thornton would love this.’ You hated to admit it but you’d do anything to impress her. Your friends helped you buy some Anastasia Beverly Hills palette, they said the neutrals would be really useful and would make you achieve that natural no makeup makeup look. You always thought no makeup makeup looks were silly but to each their own. What your friends didn't know was you bought another pair of lashes on the way out of Ulta. No matter how toned down you made yourself look, you always had lashes. They were your one few sources of freedom. You pulled out the dress, staring at it. White went well with your tan, maybe that's why you always managed to slip the color into your outfits. You pulled out the dress, sliding it on. You stared into your mirror, but you weren’t staring back. It was another girl, a girl who looked like she was born and raised a kook. Someone who hadn’t seen much in life, and was going to live a boring uneventful life. And you couldn’t believe it was you, but maybe this was who you were turning into… a trophy wife. You ignored that thought, walking over to your vanity to do your makeup. And once you were done, you looked back at the mirror. The only thing that said you was your lashes, and you were content with that for now. You grabbed your phone, and the little bag from the first time you really met Topper. It was your go to party bag, it had enough room for everything, and black went with everything.

Arriving at your boyfriend’s house was no different than the hundreds of times you’ve done it before. You guys were early, of course you had to be. It was so weird how dating in the Outer Banks, no matter how old you were your families became a family together. So your mother went off with Topper’s mother, your little brother trailing behind. Your father and older brother went off with Topper’s dad already talking about golf, and boats and whatever men liked to talk about. Which left you to find Topper. You went up the stairs taking the familiar route to his room, and of course he was there working on something at his desk. You knew a lot of people thought he was just another rich egotistical asshole. But deep down, he wasn’t, he worked his ass off in school always trying his best to impress his dad, and he cared about you so much. You two weren’t big on PDA, it was mainly you but he respected you enough. You just didn’t want to hear shit about you kissing your boyfriend so you just didn’t do it in public. But in private he was the most caring, gentle, sweetest human being to you. Sometimes you felt like you weren’t good enough, there were so many girls on the island he could’ve chosen. Girls who were more put together, able to be presentable at all times. Ones who fit in with the dinner party crowds, were able to have proper conversations with adults, and were able to be the center of attention but in a good way. You tried to put your negative thoughts behind, wanting to leave them at the door. You gently knocked on the door frame, a smile on your face.

“Hey”

You watched him turn around, a large smile spread across his face as he stood up from his chair. He casually walked over to you, and brought his hands to your cheeks. He leaned down, as you leaned forward practically melting into the kiss, Of course he pulled away first, looking you up and down once again.

“You look...different.”

“Different?”

“It’s just so… toned down.”

“Well I mean it’s a dinner party so I didn’t want too you know, do the whole thing.”

You could see him pondering, and then choosing to ignore it becoming distracted by whatever had popped up next in his mind.

“I just remembered I got you something. And before you say anything, consider it an early anniversary gift, even though you said you didn’t want to do anything for it. I just saw this, the last time I was on the mainland and had to get them for you.”

Gifts, that was one of Topper’s specialties. It was a little more excessive when you first began dating, until you told him how you felt. But every now and then for some holiday or something he’d get you something extravagant. It sucked because you weren’t good at giving gifts, you liked making memories instead of giving gifts.

“Top…”

“Just close your eyes okay?”

You obliged as you felt him move closer to you, his hot breath practically on your neck. You waited patiently, until you felt the cool familiar feeling of a chain wrapping around your neck. You could feel his thumbs graze across your neck, as you assumed he was fumbling with the clasp.

“Open”

You slowly opened your eyes, looking across at the mirror. It was a small silver necklace, with a little blueish gem at the center of the chain. And it felt like too much.

“Topper, I don’t deserve this.”

“Yes you do, it’s a gift for me too. It’ll remind me of how we’ve been together for a year everytime you wear it.

“I didn’t even get you anything. We promised each other no gifts.”

“It doesn’t matter Y/N you’re all I need really.”

You stared at the mirror, at the two of you standing in it. You weren’t exactly sure how to react to this whole situation, it just made you feel like a worse girlfriend.

“Thank you… I’m going to go see if I can help downstairs.”

You gave him a small peck, before turning back out the door and down the stairs.

A special note about Kooks, they don’t care about drinking laws. So basically anyone over the age of sixteen was drinking. You didn’t really realize you were drinking a lot. You had built up such a tolerance, that you didn’t realize you were drunk. You kept filling up your glass with wine, not that the adults were even bothered at paying attention. In fact you were fairly certain no one's eyes were on you, for the first time since you could remember. No one was paying attention to you, or so you thought. From across your seat Topper, was watching you slyly he could see you taking drink after drink, mentally counting them.

After dinner everyone was socializing, but you were very drunk. You tried your best at hiding it, sitting down, distancing yourself from those around. It was a good thing that most of the adults were too distracted or drunk to notice you. God you were such a shitty girlfriend. You were definitely an embarrassment. You stood up from your spot, trying to find a room that was empty. You stumbled here and there but you made it to the living room, although it wasn’t really a living room. Point was you just needed to get past everyone and you were good. You were just about to get through the whole crow when a certain blonde caught your eye. Topper was talking to some girl, you believed her name was Chelsea but you didn’t really care. What you cared up was the way she’d occasionally touch his arm, and look at him. And honestly it just made everything you were feeling worse. You could see he wasn’t exactly comfortable, but your drunken state wasn’t paying attention to that factor. You cared about how that was supposed to be you, instead of being drunk, and you couldn’t help the thought of you being a shitty girlfriend running through your mind again. It was only until Topper saw you did you move, you moved past the crowd, heading up the stairs into one of the empty guest rooms despite the calls of your name. You really shouldn’t of been surprised when he came in not even moments later shutting the door behind him.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah just peachy, why do you ask?”

“Look Y/N you freaked out about the necklace but is that really all that’s going on? You’ve been so different these past couple of months.”

He stepped closer to you, gently taking your hands into yours. And that’s when the tears began to flow.

“I’m a shitty girlfriend.”

“No you’re not”

“Yes I am.”

“Y/N I don’t care about some stupid anniversary gift.”

“No it’s not that, I’m not a perfect Kook. I’m not even a good one.”

“Y/N I don’t car-”

“We should break up.”

“Y/N/“

“I’m serious, your mom would be so happy. She hates me.”

“I don’t care about what she thinks.”

“Well I do, and I can’t stand here knowing you deserve better. You deserve someone, who’ll accept all your gifts no questions asked, someone who doesn’t get drunk at dinner parties, someone who doesn’t dress like I do, someone who knows how to do natural makeup, and talk like a proper lady-”

“Y/N”

“You just deserve better Top, I don’t deserve you. I’m a mess compared to you and your family.”

“Y/N I don’t care.”

“Well maybe you should. Maybe you should care how clueless I am when it comes to stuff like this. You deserve some prissy, perfect girl not me, I’m just a fucking mes-”

You were shut up by a kiss. Topper pulled back, looking at you while wiping your tears with his thumb.

“Y/N. I don’t want some prissy princess. I want you. You’re absolutely gorgeous inside and out. I don’t want you to be like the other girls on the island. I want you to be you, that’s why I fell in love with you. And that’s why I still love you, so can you please just be quiet and let me adore you?”

You gave him a small nod, and it was once again sweet and gentle. And for the first time you felt like a weight had been lifted. You  didn’t care what anyone thought anymore because Topper loved you, he loved you for you and quite frankly that’s all that mattered.

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 55

~*~Sebastian~*~

I stared at her. Stunned. I'm not sure if it's how the conversation went or she wants me and whatever comes with me. Emma is so intentional. Her words carry meaning. She wants to be clear and asks for clarity. This is heaven for my overthinking brain. I’m not stuck wondering what she means nor am I afraid to ask. Because I know she'll answer. Really answer.

"I've got eight years on you, how are you the more mature one?"

"Stabilizing influence and frighteningly direct communication of my second dad."

The expression on her face and deadpanned delivery had me laughing. "I can see that. I'll be the emotionally reactive one and you can be the calming one." Then I remembered. "Although, Eli did tell a story about you laying into some guy in Hawaii at a volleyball game. Ed dumped you in the ocean. I wish there was video."

"There is. You'll have to get dad to send it to you."

Tuesday was a good day. Workout was hard and my abs were already sore, but we'd laughed a lot. Good phone call with mom. The house had come together, she was enjoying some time in the pool, and she'd picked up some piano students. My afternoon was spent in my manager, Emily's, office. Mostly she and I, but a few conference calls. I was about to be busy. The next six weeks I was more gone than home. I was excited about the work. Excited to see friends.

Admittedly, the timing wasn't the greatest, new relationship and all, but I was confident we'd figure it out. This is different. I'd like to say it was because my previous experience is whining and bitching about me being gone so long, knowing I was going to pay for the distance, and trying to front-load my leaving to make it more palatable. While all of those all true, the actual difference is I care. The emotionally unavailable hot and cold thing comes into play here. I put up a wall to block the whining and bitching, not really listening, because it's my job. Bitching at me isn’t going to change anything and I’m not going to feel guilty for doing my job. Well, I do, but it just pisses me off because I shouldn’t.  The expectation of gifts, dinners, or a vacation to make up for being gone made those a lot less fun. And I was never successful at cramming a bunch of stuff in before I left, because my work didn't start when I left. It starts weeks before. I don’t leave for filming for a month, but I’m already prepping: gym reading, watching things, research, and studying the script. I get pretty singularly focused. I don't know any other way. And when pushed I shut down. I don't respond. I brood. And I appear cold. None of this is right. Some just is. Some is my fault. Getting to where I didn't care about her (any of the previous hers) feelings and concerns with me gone was a side effect of shutting down and I regret doing that. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about her feelings. It was feeling ineffectual to do anything about it and my self-protection kicking in. Looking back, saying effectively “deal with it” was incredibly insensitive. Not proud of it.

But now, sitting here looking at my schedule I’m finding places I can find some time for us. We’ll figure it out. I can tell you what won’t happen. Emma won't whine where I block her out. She's not going to emotionally blackmail me for things, which will make me want to give. And she’ll leave me alone to prep, let me bounce things off her, or cook something to remind me to eat. I need all of those. I care how Emma's going to feel about me being gone. I care about what we’ve begun and how we'll keep in touch. I also know that while I'm away she will carry on living the life she had before she had me and be just fine.

Emma had practice tonight and a game tomorrow. It was after eight when she called. She was in a tank top and her hair was wet from her shower. I caught up on her day before leading into mine. "I have good news and bad news."

"OK." Emma drug out the word, wary of my response.

"When I get back from Canada, I've got some time to spend with you. Then I’m gone for the month of July. Fashion show, audition and meetings, comic con, then filming in Rome." Playing off last night’s conversation, I added. "I'm not expecting a bad reaction."

"Well, that's good." Her hand moved toward the screen and I chose to believe she was touching my face. "I'II miss you, but I’m excited for you. And me getting to hear about what you're doing. Living vicariously."

I'd had some time to think. I had a lot of thoughts on plans. This was the soonest.  "You get back Tuesday, doubleheader Wednesday, and I get back late Thursday. What's your weekend look like?"

"Empty. I'll come to you. You'll barely be home if you come here. I can come anytime Friday. I'll be done with work except maybe packing up my room. I can do that whenever."

"Early Friday. Thursday night." I wanted to maximize our time. "I have to do some work."

"I can amuse myself."

"Maybe the shop you liked so much will be having a sale?" I laughed at the way her eyes lit up. "July fourth weekend I'm at a fashion show. Wanna go to Paris?"

"What?" Her face moved closer to the screen. I’d surprised her.

"Not necessarily Paris, but near. The third is the show. Have you been to Paris?"

"Family spent the summer in Europe when we were thirteen. Then Pearl Jam tours. Love Paris."

"Not much more than a long weekend, but museums and I'm sure we can find some romantic Paris shit to do."

"I would love to go to Paris with you."

That was good because I'd already made reservations. "California for about two weeks then straight to Italy for at least that. Depends on how long shooting takes. Hopefully back in time to join you in Chicago. Then nothing until the end of August. Will and I had been talking about a group of us going away. We were waiting for my schedule. What do you think about a group trip and we stay a little longer or go off alone? It would be a beach somewhere."

"You going to rub sunscreen on me?"

"Um yay, part of my volleyball job. Beer bitch and sunscreen applier."

“I’m in."

"End of August is a Disney thing. Labor Day weekend is the Toronto Film Fest. Little stuff in there, nothing big. No idea past then."

She laughed, eyes wide, and moving her head in all directions "It's crazy like a tour schedule. I'm jealous. I love touring."

"I thought about Rome, but the schedule's tight. You wouldn't see me."

"I wasn't trying for an invite. I'll get some of my summer PD hours done so I won't have to worry about them. Make sure I've got time for us."

I leaned back on the couch, "That was easy."

She glared at me. "I thought you weren't expecting a bad reaction?"

I shook my head, "No, no, I wasn't. Just an observation. Thought I might have to talk you into the beach." I held it a second before smiling, "Not really. I do know it’s a lot."

"I will always go to a beach."

"You’re not allowed to play volleyball."

"Did you get the video from dad?"

"About an hour ago." I'd enjoyed it several times. "You're a feisty little thing."

Wednesday was a day of pictures and texts. After the gym, I settled in my extra room to prep. I had my laptop on the table, a stack of books on top of my script, and a huge bottle of water. I took a picture and posted it to Instagram along with one of me with a pencil between my teeth and pulling my hair.

Emma ~ How'd you get a picture of your expression during your last blow job?

Sebastian ~ Hidden camera in bedroom. You should see the other things I have. Coupling Season 1. "The Cupboard of Patrick's Love."

Emma ~ “You really don't have enough blood for both ends of your body, do you?"

Sebastian ~ Very good, Sally.

 Love that she can quote one of my favorite shows.

After lunch, Emma posted a picture of her in the middle of a group hug with her students. "I'll miss my munchkins.”  I sent a sad face emoji.

Then I fell into a hole. I got pulled into my research and reading and the next time I picked up my phone it was one a.m. I need time like this and put my phone on do not disturb. The only thing that comes through is two calls from the same number within a few minutes. Anyone important knows how to reach me. Emma knew, but she didn't. Not even when the Demonic Crickets won their game. She posted several pictures, but I got a much better one in a text. Emma with her back to the camera in her team tank, arm up flexing her bicep, and her looking over her shoulder smiling at me. The gold flecks in her eyes were sparkling and the darker ring made the green more intense.

Emma ~ Hope you're getting a lot done. Internally anyway.  XOXO

Sebastian ~ * 12 hours later * Yeah, I did. I'm hungry. Congrats on the win. Picture is beautiful.

Sebastian ~ You're beautiful

 Her thank you came while I was working out. After a shower, I fell back into my hole until it was time for therapy.

I'd been seeing Celie for a long time. Frequency varied. She had a dark brown bob, glasses, and a round face. At this point, I could read her as well as she could me. If she was looking at me over her glasses, she thought I was full of shit. No words needed. She was about ten years older than me and her style worked for me. It was a great one-sided friendship.

I took my regular spot on the blue couch, "How are you today, Celie?"

Celie smiled. She had the unconditional positive regard thing down. I say that, but she does genuinely like me. Most of the time. I can be a pain in the ass. "I've had a good day and after you I get to go home. You seem to be in a good mood. Tell what's going on with you, Seb."

I was always her last client of the day. Sometimes I needed more than an hour. "I am in a good mood. I met somebody. Last time I saw you I was going to help my parents move. I met Emma there. In a grocery store, if you can believe that."

"Sounds like you can't."

"I asked her to dinner in under fifteen minutes."

She widened her eyes in disbelief. Exactly my point. "Did you? Good for you, Seb. A complete stranger. What led you to ask her out?"

"I was all covered up and she tells me I looked like a rehab patient checking into the clinic up the road. But she was kind to me. A sketchy stranger. She didn’t know who I was until we were outside and I introduced myself. She helped me find the things on my list and we chatted." I put my hands in front of my chest, fingers splayed. "She felt good. I didn't know why, just enough that I knew I wanted to know more.”

“And what do you know now?”

I spent the next several minutes telling Celie the salient points. We’ve been doing this long enough that explaining isn’t necessary. She’ll recognize why things are important. My face hurt from smiling after I was finished talking about Emma. I stopped short of the whole conversation on Sunday.

“Besides the obvious early relationship high, how are you feeling about all this?”

“Good. Happy. Hopeful. The only concerning thing was Saturday I woke up from a night terror, panic attack. I got myself calmed down pretty quick, wrote for a while, and once Emma got up I went for a run.”

“Even with being happy, there’s been quite a bit of emotional activity. I’m pleased that you’ve only woken up once. Much better. What do you suspect triggered you?”

I took a deep breath, “Emma and I wound up in this conversation Sunday afternoon. A couple of my friends at the party had told her I wasn’t acting like I normally do with women, but more like I am with friends. This led to a conversation about my relationship issues. I’m not the same with her. She really doesn’t know that version of me. I think that’s why I had the anxiety. It was the night after the party but before the conversation. First time we’d been around my friends. I think it was not because I’m scared, but because I’m not. Like you said, there’s been a lot of emotional shit going on and I’m good. Remarkably good.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“Emma is different. She’s incredibly kind and is . . . gentle. Not weak though. She’s strong.”

Celie shook her head, “When I think of gentle people it’s a combination. They can be painfully truthful, but their manner makes others able to listen. They have a compassion for others.”

“Exactly! I noticed she knew everyone. She talked to everyone and used their name. I asked and she said she looked at their nametags and you never know what someone’s day has been. That might be the first nice thing that’s happened all day. I know it’s a little thing, but it’s her. She’s like that with me. She doesn’t try to talk me out of being anxious or overthinking. She doesn’t think my insecurities are stupid. They’re all just part of me.”

“She accepts you.”

“Right. The more we got to know each other, the more we talked, I felt safe. She doesn’t do those things I usually shut down over. I don’t feel the need to protect myself. She’s very different.”  Celie was looking at me over her glasses. Uh oh. “You’re giving me the look.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Why?  I thought I was doing good. I asked out a stranger and got this amazing woman.”

“Sebastian, as quick as you are to fault yourself, you’re slow to take credit.”

“Take credit?” I didn’t know what she was talking about.

She leaned forward, putting her elbows on her knees. “You think this relationship is different because of Emma. You lucked out and met an accepting, kind, gentle person.”

“Yes. No. Both. Emma is different and she makes me different.”

Celie made a loud, jarring beeping noise. This was new.

“Ok, I guess I’m wrong.”

“You are. Not completely. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. Any credit. You’ve worked very hard. You’ve read. You’ve journaled. You’ve talked. You’ve done things I’ve asked you to even if you didn’t understand or want to. I’ve seen you grow. To give responsibility for this relationship being different all to Emma is dangerous. What’s going to happen when she falls off this pedestal you’ve put her on? Is that going to be an excuse to shut down and protect yourself? Fall back on old habits.”

I could feel my eyebrows pulled down and the scowl on my face. “So you’re saying this isn’t as good as I think it is.”

“Not at all. I’m saying it’s got as much to do with you as it does her. Previously you would have never asked out a woman you met in a grocery. But that seems to be the furthest you’re going with how you’re different. I do not believe for one second that no other woman you’ve gone out with has been kind and accepting. Or would have been if you would have been able to show them you.  You used to do things to test them. You’d say or do things to see how they’d react. As we’ve talked, you weren’t being real, so you don’t know that their reactions were.”

I nodded then looked down, “I know. Pretty manipulative.”  I felt Celie’s hand on my arm and looked back up. Her face was very soft with a smile.

“Stop, Seb. You need to be proud of yourself. You are doing things differently. You have learned from your past, grown, and come a long way in accepting yourself. Warts and all. You have shown Emma who you are, even the parts you don’t like so much. She can have credit for how she’s responded to you, but you deserve the credit for being brave enough to show her in an honest and authentic way. That allowed her to respond in an equally honest and authentic way.”

I grabbed a tissue from the ever-present box on the table and wiped the wet from my face. Neither the first nor the last time I’d cry in this room.

"If you had met her even a year ago, with her exactly as she is now, this relationship would be very different."

"The wedding."

"Excuse me?"

Yeah, non sequitur. "I was supposed to go to a friend’s wedding last summer but didn't because there was a change in my shooting schedule. Emma was at the wedding. You're right. Had I met her then," I shook my head. “I wouldn't have been ready for her and now could have never happened."

Celie shrugged, "Probably not."

I sniffed and wiped my eyes, "How do I get her off this pedestal I’ve put her on?"

"You seem pretty smitten. Maybe not take her off, just lower it a little." I laughed and she went on. "What you do is own your part. You have been making choices to improve yourself. You have been making choices to go out of your comfort zone. And you have been making choices to let her know you. Emma's been making similar choices to be with you. I'm sure you know what she's come through to be where she is. It seems like you complement each other. Recognize this is both of you waking up and choosing to be with each other. Talk and negotiate what that means. Tell her what you want. And when you're not talking you listen. Listen to what she needs from you. The most important for you is to keep processing the feelings with her. She's the only one who can help those make a picture. And you need to give her the same gift. She has things she’s not so proud of and afraid for you to know about her. We all do. You will need to accept her and treat her with gentle kindness she gives you.”

I was crying again. "She told me. I told her she was different than the others. She asked if maybe I was different."

Celie snickered, "I like her."

"You would. She speaks therapy."

"I want to be very clear, Seb. She sounds wonderful and she may make you better. You sound wonderful and I bet you make her better too. That’s how it should work in a relationship. You help each other along. It takes two people with self-awareness making choices to do what it takes. You both have to choose growth, honestly, humility, vulnerability, and sacrifice. I hear you holding up your end. I’ve not heard you do this before. And while she may be the right woman, you've become the right man. Please, please, do not underestimate how much work you've put in to become the right man for another person.”

"I want to go home and cry for an hour or so."

"I wish Emma was here for you."

I shook my head with a grimace, "It's going to be ugly until I get it out."

"Yes. I think Emma would want to be there to hold you and you'd find more acceptance and comfort in that than you can imagine."

At home, I grabbed a beer, sank down in my favorite chair, and cried. I felt everything all at once but fought to untangle the threads. Sad was remnants of the past and dissipated quickly. Its friends regret and shame fought a little harder to stick around, but they were toxic and needed to go. Pride and relief were together too. Celie was right. I had worked hard. An infinite number of hours had gone into figuring myself out. There have been so many times I thought I'd be stuck forever. Sometime in the last two years that I've been without a girlfriend, all the work must have come together. In the last two years I've been filming almost nonstop. Five movies have come out. Two of which were Marvel circuses. It's like all the therapy (and the work that goes with it) knitted me back together while I was busy filming and living my life. Celie had told me to trust the process. I couldn't rush it or make changes happen before it was time. Patience. I am inherently impatient. Pride was for the work. Relief was for seeing results. Finally.

Next was happy. I’m in a good place. I'm excited about the movie I’m making. I have supportive, fun friends, and a loving family. I don't need a girlfriend to be happy, but one does bring everything together. I like having a person who is mine. Mine in the sense of us experiencing life together. The good and bad. I like that. I want that. And now I have it. The beginnings of it, anyway.

After I pulled my shit together, I wanted to talk to Emma. I wanted support. Maybe not support, but I felt raw. I wanted someone to soothe the raw nerves, to sit with me while all this new stuff integrated. I wish she was here. What I needed was a hug.

Sebastian ~ Can you talk?

I don't like that I asked. It feels insecure and I have zero reasons to feel insecure. I quickly decided to cut myself some slack.

My phone rang and I connected to FaceTime. "Hey." Her bright smile and obvious happiness to see me did wonders to soothe those raw nerves.

Emma's face went from a smile to wide-eyed concern. "Sebastian, what’s wrong? You look like you've been crying. What happened?" Before I could answer, she jumped to a correct conclusion. "You had therapy. Good, bad, or cathartic tears?"

"Mostly the last one."

Her hand went to her chest, "Ok." She picked up what I assumed was her iPad and crossed to the chair in her bedroom. I could see her pull her knees up when she put her feet on the ottoman. She rested the iPad on her knees.

"Mostly a repeat of what we talked about Sunday. Celie said I wasn't giving myself enough credit for the work I've done. My growth."

As Emma had alluded to the same thing, I expected a smile or some acknowledgment of her asking if I was different. Instead, I got, "What do you think?"

"I think I still need to work on not being so hard on myself." I smiled because that statement was me still being hard on myself. "When Celie pointed out how I've changed I could see it and was proud of myself. I can’t see it on my own yet, but I'll get there. I never thought anyone would get past my walls. It wasn't someone getting in, it was me getting out." More goddamned tears.

Emma reached out and touched the screen. "I‘m so happy for you. Proud of you too."

Her words felt like a hug. Close enough for now. "Thank you."

"I know you're a grown man, but I wish I was there. Crying alone sucks."

"Oh," I laughed a little, "the chances of us having a messy reunion are high."

"Why?"

"A lot of you and I talk today. I know me, it's gonna hit me when I see you."

"I should warn you. I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence."

I smiled at her exaggerated southern accent with the "Steel Magnolias" quote. "See ... gonna be messy."

[songtoyou]

Chapter Two: Never Enough

Would You Call That Love

Pairing: Chris Evans x Raina Morrison (OC) 

Rating: PG to PG-13 (Might be 18+ for some chapters)

Description: There was always one person Chris Evans tended to turn to when he was not in a committed relationship, Raina Morrison. He could confide in her about things going on in his life that he did not feel comfortable talking to his family or close friends about. Chris and Raina were able to establish a way to communicate with one another openly but also being respectful of the other’s time and needs. It was the only constant “relationship” he had, but without all the nonsense of trying to build a life together. A “friends with benefits” situation. However, what happens when Chris starts rethinking his “relationship” with Raina and if either is willing to pursue something more?

Chapter Rating: PG with mild swearing

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3,630

Author’s Note: I hoped those who ‘liked’ the previous chapter enjoys this one as well. I went back and made one little change in the first chapter. No longer is Raina a fan of the Seattle Mariners or Seattle Seahawks, but a Mets/Giants fan. Instead of having Raina grow up in Washington State, she grew up in New York on Long Island. It just made more sense location-wise for her to “closer” to Chris. I also changed something that happened during the summer of 2016 that involved another MCU actor. Let me know what you think. Feedback is always welcomed.

Sadly, I do not know Chris Evans or anyone in his family, and this is just a fictional take on his life. I do not permit this fic to be reposted on other platforms. 

Thank you to @southerngracela​ for your support! :)

*Updated for grammar edits.

July 2019

"Christopher Robert Evans! Come here!" yelled his mother, Lisa Evans.

"What, Ma?" Chris asked when he entered her kitchen and replied, "Whatever happened? I assure you that it was Scott who did it."

"Would you stop? You aren't in trouble. Sit down for a sec." Lisa told her oldest son. 

Taking a seat at the kitchen table next to his mother, Chris asked, "Why are you on the laptop? You hate using the computer."

"I do, but you need to send Raina some flowers to celebrate her big opening night on Broadway. You were planning on getting her something, right?" inquired Lisa as she turned the laptop over to Chris for him to look through different flower arrangements. 

"Uh…I don't know, Ma. I am sure you will pick out something great."

Lisa gave Chris a knowing look and said, "Chris, you spend more time with Raina than the rest of us. You know her likes and dislikes. Now come on, look at the arrangements and pick which one she would like best."

Chris groaned and turned away from his mother to roll his eyes. His mother's behavior was not unusual to always insinuate that Raina was more than a friend to Chris. Well, she was, but that did not mean his mother had to know all of the dirty details. Despite what people might think of the confessed mama's boy, Chris did not always share everything with Lisa.  

"Don't get her flowers…" Chris began, but Lisa cut him off.

"Chris! Why not?"

"It would be better to get Raina chocolate, cookies, or brownies. Something edible. Just not cupcakes because she doesn't like them. Call them overrated. Trust me. She'd prefer to have food over flowers," informed Chris.

"Great. You choose something for Raina while I give Carly a call. Choose something good," Lisa ordered as she got up from the table and exited the kitchen. 

As Chris perused the website's items, he knew what to get Raina when he saw the object: a personalized gigantic caramel toffee fortune cookie. It was perfect. Not only was it giant, but it was dipped in decadent caramel with fatty toffee bits sprinkled on top and drizzled with dark chocolate. Raina would love it. 

"Ma! Come here and look at this! What do you think?"

Lisa entered the kitchen once again. She was still talking on the phone with Carly.

"Chris, whatever you get, Raina, it will be great."

"What should I put on the card since it is from all of us?" asked Chris with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"No. Just have it be from you. Scott and I already picked out a nice flower arrangement from the two of us for Raina," Lisa informed Chris nonchalantly and added, "Carly is wondering if you could watch the kids this weekend?"

Chris was amazed at his mother's crafty scheme. She had that way about her. 

"I'll text her that it isn't a problem, and I know what you are doing."

Lisa feigned an innocent look. "What are you talking about?"

Pinching the bridge of his nose and letting out an exasperated sigh, Chris said, "Ma, it isn't like that with Raina, okay. We are just friends. Nothing more. We can't be anything more. It would ruin what we have already. Plus, we both don't necessarily want the same things. She has shared with me that she doesn't see herself having kids. I want kids, someday." 

Lisa put her hands up in mock defeat. She was not going to press Chris press about his hidden feelings for Raina. He was an adult, after all. However, as a mother, it was hard not to step in and help her children no matter what they were dealing with at the time. 

"Just be sure to write something heartfelt and sweet in the gift message," ordered Lisa and got up once again left the kitchen.

Now alone, Chris looked over the textbox space to put his message for Raina's gift. He typed and retyped what to write to her. Taking a deep breath, Chris let his inhibitions go and proceeded to write honestly about how he felt.

Raina,

You bring so much joy and love to my existence. I know it would not be the same If I did not have you in my life. You help keep me centered in this crazy world of ours, and I always know I can count on you if I need anything. I am so proud of you. Your determination, hard work, and motivation in achieving your dreams have always inspired me. Sometimes I wished you could see yourself through my eyes because then you would realize how special you are to me. I hope you know much. I appreciate and love you so much.

Love,

Chris

With the gift now ordered and soon to be on its way, there was no going back. 

"1, 2, 3, and 4! Turn! Kick leg up! Cross and dip!" shouted the choreographer and added, "Let's do it again from the top!"

Trying to catch her breath, Raina got back into position next to her co-star, Aaron Tveit. The two have been working on this project for the past three years. It amazed them both how everything started at a workshop lab, to a small theater production in Boston, to debut the show on Broadway. It was a dream come true for everyone involved. 

For Raina, it was a check-off on her list of career accomplishments. While Raina had been offered different roles for Broadway productions in the past, she never accepted the offers. She was either too busy promoting and touring for her albums. Or the parts offered merely did not appeal to her. Raina was cautious about particular projects and took her time in making decisions on which to pursue or decline. That would often lead to arguments with people at her record company or management as one or the other would tell Raina that she was not reaching her full potential as a star. But the Long Island native never wanted to be "famous for being famous." She was not the type to freely give out information about her private life to maintain relevancy with the press or fans. She wanted her work to speak for itself.  

A child prodigy gifted in music, Raina has set her sights on impacting the world through song. Her parents, George and Marie, often worried about the precocious little girl when she would hold herself up in her room for hours and hours a day practicing on her guitar or keyboard while jotting down lyrics.

When Raina was 14 years old, she was discovered by her first manager, Jerry Sullivan, at the annual New York State Fair. Jerry was taken aback by the young girl's mature voice as she sang Reba McEntire's classic hits, "Why Haven't I Heard from You" and "Fancy." He immediately introduced himself to Raina and her parents.

Although skeptical, both George and Marie agreed to a formal meeting with Jerry to discuss their daughter's future. After all, they did not want their only child to get screwed over by some conman. Thankfully, Jerry turned out to be legit and had been in the music industry for 20 years as an artists and repertoire (A&R) personnel at Columbia Records.

"Not many talented singers I have seen in all my years in the music have what Raina has. She has 'it' and could go far," said Jerry.

"Oh, I don't want to be famous," little Raina spoke up and continued, "I just want to make music."

Jerry just beamed with happiness, "That is a great answer, little one. You have your priorities. That is important in this industry. You don't ever want to lose sight of why you started in the first place."

"Trust me, I won't," replied Raina with a toothy smile.

Unfortunately, it was hard to remain authentic in the music industry. Too many times, someone would try to mold Raina into who they thought she should be. She never wanted to be placed in a box or confined to one style of music. All Raina ever wanted to be was Raina.

"1, 2, 3, and 4! Turn! Kick leg up! Cross and dip!" repeated the choreographer, "Great job, everyone. Let us take a ten-minute break. Raina and Aaron, they need another costume fitting."

"I swear, I am at a point where I could do the choreography in my sleep," Aaron joked as he walked with Raina to the fitting area.

Raina let out a chuckle, "Isn't that the truth."

With rehearsals finally coming to an end for the day, Raina gathered her belongings, said her goodbyes, and headed home. Thankfully, her Tribeca apartment was only 15 minutes away from the Al Hirschfeld Theatre. Frank, Raina's driver, greeted her as he opened the black Cadillac Escalade's back door.

"How were rehearsals today, Miss Raina?" 

"Not too bad," Raina shared with her driver, "I think once the show is finally open to the public, everything will be…a lot easier to handle."

"You're going to be great. The previews of the show went very well, as you mentioned," Frank reminded Raina and asked, "Who you got coming to see you on opening night? I'm taking my wife and youngest daughter to see it before she heads off to school in late August."

It was not uncommon for Frank and Raina to have an easy rapport with one another. Frank was a talker, while Raina was quieter and preferred to listen to his stories about growing up in Queens or his family that consisted of a loving wife and three daughters. Despite enjoying Frank's company, Raina knew that she still had to keep herself wary and not allow herself to be caught off guard. Sadly, her past experiences when allowing others into her world, both private and public, left her feeling burned. Raina learned how to be a master at changing the subject from herself to the other person prying into her personal life. 

"Aw! That is wonderful. Where is Alisha headed off to again? Cornell?" asked Raina while thinking, 'Hook line and sinker.'

"Brown University in Providence. Got a full academic scholarship."

"That's wonderful. At least your daughter won't be too far from home. I kind of wish I went to college but never had the time with everything else going on."

"Oh, come on now. I'd say you turned out well. Not everyone needs to go to college to be successful. With Alisha, she always had her sights on pursuing a career in archaeology. By attending Brown, she will have access to the best research and educators the country has to offer."

"Well, if she is anything like her father, then she's got the charms to take the world by storm."

When Frank finally reached the building of Raina's apartment, he proceeded to step out to open her door, but she stopped him and said, "I got it, Frank."

"You sure?" he questioned. 

"Yeah. Tell your wife and daughter I said 'hello.' Bye, Frank. See you tomorrow."

"Okay. Have a nice night, Raina."

Upon entering the apartment building, Raina was greeted by the concierge, Winston.

"Hi, Winston. How are you?" asked Raina to make polite conversation as she strode into the lobby.

"Very well, ma'am. Thank you for asking."

Raina cringed at being referred to as "ma'am" despite being two-decades younger than Winston; however, she knew he was only polite and professional. Stopping by to check her mail at the cluster of mailboxes, there was only advertisements and bills. Closing the mailbox with a loud sigh, Raina walked towards the elevator to head up to her penthouse apartment. 

The Tribeca apartment was such a great find as the penthouse had its own intimate and homey feel. The condo's main floor greeted guests with an open space kitchen-living room area with a fireplace and powder room. Floor-to-ceiling arched windows dominated the living room, allowing natural light to seep through in the morning and afternoon. Overall, it was ample space for when Raina wanted to entertain her close friends. She was able to accommodate overnight guest stays with two sky-lighted bedrooms with one main bathroom. One floor up was where the master suite was located with floor-to-ceiling French doors that led to a landscaped terrace that included a hot tub, outdoor kitchen, along with fantastic sunset and nighttime views of the Tribeca skyline. 

It was a place where Raina felt at home and safe from the prying eyes of the paparazzi or overzealous admirers. Thankfully, the majority of Raina's fans respected her privacy and knew the importance of boundaries.

Unfortunately, only Raina's name was associated with fellow celebrities that things could get out of hand and overrun with speculations. For instance, in the early years of her friendship with Chris, both fandoms speculated if they were more than friends. Whereas with the media, they were relentless in their prying for more information about the two stars. Luckily, it was a dilemma that the two friends worked hard to overcome. The bond that grew between Chris and Raina was not something either experienced with other people. It was unique in how relatively normal both felt around each other. There were no pretenses the friends had to follow or any egos getting in the way. 

Sad that the same could not have been applied to Raina's last relationship. The media scrutiny and the online abuse/harassment from the actor's fanbase became too much for Raina to handle that she eventually had to end the relationship prematurely. It was not something that she wanted to do as she cared for the man very much. He was sweet, charming, handsome, and treated Raina with respect. He became someone Raina could confide in outside of her inner circle. She was lucky to have met him at President Barack Obama's final White House Correspondents' Dinner back in April 2016. 

'What might have been? Where would my life be if I had stayed with Tom?' Raina often thought.

After taking a quick shower, Raina changed into baggy sweats and a fitted tank top. Stretching out on the couch, she searched through Netflix and selected season five of Schitt's Creek to watch. It was her go-to show that she liked to watch at the end of the day. The crazy antics of the Rose family always helped her relax and ease her anxious mind. 

"Oh, David Rose, you are a precious little bean, wrapped in uncertainty and apprehension about the world, aren't you? I connect with you on a spiritual level," Raina commented to herself.  

Chris was a bag of nerves ever since he ordered Raina that gift. It was not so much the gift that was causing him to have anxiety, but the message inside the present. 

He let it all out in that gift message and was mostly worried about what Raina would make of his words. For instance, would she read them and express the same sentiment, revealing that Chris's feelings were more profound than mere friends. However, what if Chris's words caused her to be upset and that she would not be able to return his feelings in fear of losing their friendship. 

'Or she just doesn't love you the way you might want her to,' thought Chris apprehensively.  

Now, Chris was beginning to worry that he might have overstepped his boundaries with Raina. 'Why did you have to go and develop deeper feelings for her. I knew our whole friends with benefits wasn't a good idea. 

Nothing good ever comes from that arrangement,' he scolded himself while taking Dodger out for a walk on his property. Chris hoped that the cool night air would help relieve the tension and worry he was feeling. It was either a walk or a cigarette, and he promised both his mother and Raina that he would no longer partake in the nasty habit. 

The dynamic of Chris and Raina's friendship was a unique one. She was one of the very few that Chris allowed in his world. Over the years, Raina had become acquainted with his close friends from Massachusetts and individual family members outside of his mother, father, brother, and sisters. It was not unusual for Raina to attend one of his Uncle Mike's campaign rallies. That always got the fans on social media talking and wondering if there was something more than friendship between the two. 

Chris and Raina's responses were always the same, "We are just friends." It was their go-to answer for years.

It was not until mid-2014 when they decided to add a new element to their friendship: sex. 

What started as a fun hookup turned into a full-fledged agreement. For Chris, it was liberating to be with someone sexually with no strings attached. For Raina, she felt safe and comfortable with Chris. There was genuine respect and trust the two had for one another that when sex added to the mix, it did not cause a lot of complications, surprisingly. They took the time to set guidelines and go over expectations that both could abide by and not ruin the aspect of their friendship. 

Their guidelines included:

Be transparent with one another as possible. Be open to compromises.

Be open to communicating with your partner.

Never be judgmental.

Be open about what is off-limits and what is acceptable. 

Conversations or decisions cannot be one-sided.

Make sure each partner is on the same page.

Check-in with one another. Ask each other about how things are going and how the individual is feeling about the arrangement.

Develop a PR strategy for when friends or family members ask questions about the status of your relationship.

Ground rules: staying over is optional, breakfast in the morning is acceptable, no booty calls as it demeans the overall friendship, and friend-dates are suitable.

Even when Chris was in a serious relationship with Minka or Jenny, he could revert to his non-sexual friendship with Raina. Chris never quite understood how Raina could adapt so quickly whenever he had a new romantic partner. He honestly would not know how he would react if Raina showed up one day with a boyfriend on her arm. 

'Liar! You'd flip your shit!' Chris thought, which he did when Raina was rumored to be dating fellow MCU actor Tom Hiddleston back in 2016. Both had been photographed together numerous times during outings and events.

'Six-months of Hell,' Chris bitterly referred that time. 

The crazy thing about that time is that Raina did not share anything with him about her relationship with Tom. She kept it all to herself even after they broke up. 

"Why does she keep that part of her life secret from me?" Chris asked himself as he walked up the steps on his front porch with Dodger following suit.

"Because it is none of your business how Raina's relationships go down," a voice spoke up, startling Chris.

"Holy shit, Scott! What the fuck are you doing out here?" yelled Chris as he stood in front of his little brother. 

Scott replied with a shit-eating grin on his face, "Just getting some fresh air and enjoying the sunset. What have you been up to?"

"Don't change the subject. Why do you automatically assume I am talking about Raina? For all you know, I could have been referring to Shanna," Chris retorted back defiantly as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the porch railing. 

However, Scott was not falling for what his brother was trying to sell. "Don't bullshit a bullshitter, Chris," Scott reprimanded and continued, "I know you and Raina have had a friend with benefits situation going on for the last five years. Of course, only when neither of you was in relationships with other people, that is."

"How the fuck did you know about that?" questioned Chris. His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head.

"Well, I had my speculations, but your reaction just now confirmed everything. What the fuck were thinking. Nothing good comes out of a friend with benefits relationship. Hell, I could have told you that while also saving you the eventual heartbreak that will eventually happen. So again, I ask, what the fuck were you thinking?" 

Letting out a huge sigh, Chris moved to sit next to Scott on the porch swing. "I was thinking…that this is someone who I love and care about, you know. At first, the arrangement was, I don't want to say that it was just for fun. With Raina, it felt like a natural progression for our friendship. I don't know. I guess maybe…"

"You hoped that it could turn into something more down the road," Scott finished for his brother. 

"Yeah. I felt we were getting to that point, but Raina kept pulling back, you know. Like, she was too scared to move in that direction with me,' Chris confessed as he leaned back on the porch swing. 

Scott continued to stare at Chris as he contemplated what to say next. He felt terrible for his older brother and realized Chris's dilemma.

"I wish I could give you some sage advice, but honestly, I am at a loss on what you should do. Raina is special to you. To all of us. But, no one can deny that she has always had a little hold on your heart. The sad thing is that I don't think the poor thing fully understands the effect she has on you. All I can say is to tread carefully. Don't do anything rash," advised Scott and got up to go into the house.

'Too late.' Chris thought to himself. 

"Fuck it! I need a cigarette." 

[astertataricvs]

Sanemi Shinazugawa || Penitence Part 3

THE LAST PART OF PENITENCE!! THANK YOU FOR READING!

And thank you to my Lil sis @kimetsu-no-yaiba-headcanons for the letters! Luv u sissy! 💞💞

Word count: 2.6k+

"I'm sorry, Shinazugawa-san, your fiancé didn't make it. I'm sorry for your loss."

Those words... those words that were enough to make him fell down on his knees and tears streamed over his cheeks. He cried in anguish and scream at the top of his lungs upon discerning that you won't ever come home with him again and cuddle with you on the comfortable plain white bed in your shared apartment. Specifically, he won't feel the warmth of yours that you're always transmitting him.

He felt so cold, hollow, empty, lifeless and dead...

Sanemi cried nonstop at his loss and now that you're lastingly gone in his life. He still couldn't affirm that you're already gone, perfectly vanished in this world and your body was placed inside the coffin, underneath your tombstone.

His friends tried to console him but it was useless even his own brother, he let himself get drunk every single day and would often come home; thinking about your days together with him. He would found himself opening your closet and smell your clothes that give him the nostalgic scent that he surely yearned. He would only let himself cry until he fell asleep.

He blames himself for neglecting you, he blames himself every day that he's the reason why you passed away. His days were becoming miserable and he couldn't find himself smiling since you're the source of his own happiness. Now that you're gone, he doesn't know what to do anymore with his life. His supposed to be wife was now dead, you left him alone in this cruel world.

How dare he say that when he's the first one who left you and neglected you. He won't ever forgive himself.

His loved ones were slowly slipping away from his grasp. First, his family; his mom and siblings that he treasured and now... you whose the one who changed his life and gave him hope... all the source of why he's still fighting and keeping him alive... it already disappeared, it's now utterly gone, completely gone. So why is he still alive? You didn't deserve to die, he was supposed to be the one dead! Why it has to be you?!

"(Name)... I fucking missed you... I missed you so much..." he muttered between his breath while gripping his hair.

He won't see the warm smile of yours anymore.

Three months later...

Sanemi returned to his empty apartment and turned the lights on. He went to his room and decided to change his working clothes to something comfortable. After changing his attire, he took a seat on the bed and let his mind go somewhere else.

It's been three months since you passed away, and Sanemi was still mourning about his loss. Every night, he would always think about you and the what if's if you're still alive. It really made him depress for the whole two months considering he would steadily reminisce the memories you both have in this apartment.

Sanemi let out a bitter chuckle and buried his face on his palm.

He really misses your presence.

Sanemi's towel fell onto the carpeted floor. He bends his body to get the towel but, his eyes suddenly caught a box under the bed. Curiosity washed over him and instantly pick the mysterious box that was at the corner of the bed.

It was plain white and he doesn't know what's the content inside since it wasn't that heavy. Sanemi decided to open the box and his eyes detected neat tiny envelopes inside. His eyes suddenly went wide upon seeing your neat handwriting at the back of the envelope and it said: To Shinazugawa Sanemi.

Sanemi's heart leapt apprehending that it's a letter of yours to him. Taking the first letter, he unfolded the white paper and read the writings.

20th June XXXX

Dear Sanemi,

It's been about two months since you've started ignoring me, what's wrong? Are you stressed at work? Are the students giving you problems? Did Giyuu lecture you again?

Hehe~ I tried asking you in real life but you always either ignore me or tell me to shut up, I'm just really concerned about your well being okay? I am your fiancé after all, and I'm proud.

His heart throbbed inside his ribcage once he read the last paragraph. He remembers that day, the day when you're worried about him but he's just shrugging you off. He felt his heart clenched every time he remembers how he ignored you.

He takes the second letter and read it.

20th July XXXX

Dear Sanemi,

How are you? I hope work isn't stressing you out too much. And I've decided that I should write monthly letters to you! You just seem extremely stressed out/irritated by something lately so I thought this would be the best way to indirectly tell you my thoughts (if you even manage to find this box, that is.) Hehehe~

How's work? I'll slap Giyuu's ass for you if he's lecturing you again, don't hold me back like last time because of your jealousy again please~

Anyway, I know I might be overthinking everything.

But why is there always a faint scent of woman perfume on you whenever you come back home?

Don't worry, I'm not doubting you, just wondering. But hope you get well soon~

His lips tug upwards knowing that you surely trust him a lot despite that he doesn't deserve your trust at all. You never doubt him ever since. You're such an angel that was sent from above and wouldn't get mad at him.

Reading the second paragraph; a sincere chuckle escaped from his lips. You're already kind and adding to the list that you're entertaining too, how lucky he was to have someone like you? You really never fail to make him laugh.

20th August XXXX

Dear Sanemi,

These are going to turn into daily letters now because unfortunately for me, I don't have much time left and I really do hope you find these letters. Oh, wait, scratch that, you'd be too busy with your other woman to even give a shit about these meaningless letters.

Hey, tell me, why are you still staying with me?

Is it out of pity?

His eyes sagged and feel his heart stabbed because he revived again the time when you asked him why is he still staying with you although he's already seeing someone else.

The reason why he's still staying because he doesn't have the guts to leave you. He had the feeling of not wanting to leave you alone and your presence was making him feel reassured.

But now... it won't happen anymore.

21st August XXXX

Dear Sanemi,

Sorry, I was just in a bad mood yesterday, I honestly didn't mean to start cursing.

So, who is she and how did you guys become a thing? Just general curiousity~ Is she good at cooking? Does she make you your favourite dishes? She's prettier than me though, that's for sure. Does she make you happier? It seems like she does.

Y'know, you could've just told me you wanted someone else.

His heart shattered, he can feel the pain in the letter transferring to him. Why is he such a fucking asshole?

22nd August XXXX

Dear Sanemi,

Hey, do you remember that time? Both of us were laying on our bed, you were laying your head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat. Remember when you said you wanted us to create our own heartbeat? And that you would love and cherish the little heartbeat that we made together?

You have no idea how happy I felt.

He remembers it, he won't ever fucking forget that. If you're happy, then he feels the euphoria that time, you don't know how happy you make him feel every time you praise him and give him butterfly kisses. You don't know how he feels tingly inside whenever you cuddled with him and say sweet nothings to him.

He's so blessed to have such an angel like you in his life.

30th August XXXX

Dear Sanemi,

I most probably won't be able to write daily letters anymore because of my current condition, I did a blood test a few days ago and the doctor said that there was no way of saving me unless some miracle happens.

My muscle aches are getting worse and I've been coughing out more blood than I usually do.

A flow of lightning had flowed inside his brain; he reminisces the day when he just got home and saw you sitting on the ground while coughing. He didn't know that your fighting your illness with yourself and he didn't even do anything about it. He also didn't know that your coughing blood that day.

He's such a scumbag.

10th September XXXX

Dear Sanemi,

10th September, today was the day you had asked me to marry you. I wonder if you even bothered to remember though. I was planning on preparing you dinner and buying you a gift but what's the point? We aren't and most probably never will get married.

Please don't remind him anymore... he'll only cry again once he remembers that day. He blames himself for all the horrible things he had done to you, he couldn't forgive himself.

23rd September XXXX

Dear Sanemi,

Why do you refuse to tell me the reason as to why you're still staying with me? Why didn't you go out today? You usually go out when it's a Sunday.

Say, weren't you always the one to wipe my tears away? Why didn't you do that today? Was I really that much of a bother? You could've just said so.

Either way, none of that'll matter because the doctor said I'll most probably die soon, if I'm lucky, I get a week if I'm not I'll most probably just past this week.

Tears started to brim in his eyes as he read the letter.

He doesn't have any fucking idea that you're enduring this pain. He doesn't have any fucking idea that you're throbbing already and he's only adding it more!

24th September XXXX

Dear Sanemi,

Thank you for hugging me today, it's been a while since I've last felt your warmth. Since I probably won't be able to last until your birthday, I'll just give you an early birthday present ♡

You'll find a wrapped up present in one of my closet's drawers, you can throw it away if you want, I just thought I'd get you something before I pass.

Happy Early Birthday！

Droplets of tears started to pour onto the paper with your writings on it. The paper crumpled because of how tight he was gripping the letter. His eyes were shut as tears were slipping out from his eyes. He let the tears fall and feel the agony once again.

If he only knows that it will be the last day where he will able to see you, the last day of hearing you say I love you to him, the last day where he can feel your warmth, the last day where he can hug you, and the last day... where he can see your last warm smile again.

If only he knew, if only he knew... he wouldn't let you go and hug you as if it's the last day of Earth, he won't let you go in his arms and just stay with him. If he only knew...

Sanemi stood up and trudges to the drawers where your present to him was. Once he finds the wrapped present, he immediately ripped the wrapper and detected that it was a wristwatch that he was staring at in the mall when you two were shopping.

He pursed his lips into a thin line and bit his lower lip. He holds the present ever so tightly and cried in guilt.

"I love you so much, (Name)... you're already enough gift to me... you're already enough..."

Sanemi rummaged to your drawers and saw a pink box in the corner of your closet. He immediately took it and open the lid of the box.

Various pictures you both have were inside the box, it was full of your pictures together whenever you're on your date. All the pictures when you're still in high school and up to this year. The box also has the red and gold ribbon flower kanzashi that he brought for your birthday. He took the kanzashi in his hands and stared at it; retrieving the time how you would always use it on your hair and how beautiful you look while wearing it.

He really misses you a lot.

While he was looking at the pictures, he instantly noticed a silver peeking from the various pictures. Sanemi swiftly brushed the photos only to find the engagement ring he brought for you and the day when he asked your hand for marriage.

Taking it, he clutched it in his hand and closed his eyes. He feels so much distress that he couldn't handle it even if he wants to. All the memories that you both have been flashing back into his mind and the tears were pouring out unobstructedly once again.

He mourned about you, he feels so derelict to what he had done to you, he feels empty and broken inside. No one can ever heal the severe wound in his heart and you're the only one who can restore it again. But you're not alive anymore, you're already gone, you no longer exist in this world anymore.

He only clutched the ring in his hand and place it onto his chest where his heart was as if he was hugging it-- as if you're the one he's hugging this instant.

"I'm so sorry, (Name)... I fucking miss you so much..."

Sanemi was at the place where you and he first met and the place where you also confessed your love to him at that time. Reminiscing how you're being bashful of confessing your love and how your cheeks dusted in red hues, he can't help but chuckle at the nostalgic memories.

It was spring, a new season where the snow had finally thawed and cherry blossoms began to flower while its petals were dancing through the wind.

Under the cherry blossom tree of the school where you two have studied and where he was teaching right now... he stared at the beautiful cherry blossom tree swaying with the spring's young wind. A small smile formed on his lips while the engagement ring of yours was in his hand.

Sanemi kneeled and dig a hole where he can bury the ring you had left with him.

When he's done burying your ring, he stared at the ocean-like exquisite sky of the bright spring chill with a contented smile.

This is the place where it all began; the first meeting with you, the friendship, the confession, the romantic relationship, the acceptance... he wouldn't forget those treasured memories with you and he will forever engrave it into his mind.

He remembered what you have written on the photo where you accepted his proposal.

"You're my first and last love, Shinazugawa Sanemi."

Sanemi chuckled, "You're my first and last love too, (Name). You're the only one..."

"Shinazugawa-sensei! We need your help for this lesson!" Sanemi heard Tanjiro's call to which he snapped out from his deep trance.

"Yeah, I'm coming, brat!"

Sanemi takes a glimpse at the cherry blossom for a moment and slowly grinned. Once he's pleased with staring, he started to turn around and leave while hands were inside his pockets.

Sanemi concluded; a feeling of penitence will forever remain in his heart.

[ft-dads-au]

Birthday Wish

A big thank you to @watcher-ofthe-sky​ for letting us use her fanart of Igneel’s scarf! 

Natsu Day 2020 Pairing(s): Natsu & Erza, Natsu & Gildarts A collaboration by @mdelpin​ and @oryu404​ 

AO3  | FF.Net

Summary: When Natsu wakes up on his birthday he has a simple wish: to spend a nice day with Erza and his father.

July 7, 2003

Natsu felt the warmth of the sun's early rays trickling through his bedroom window, signaling the start of a new day, but he ignored it, choosing to keep his eyes closed. Today was his birthday, but he had no idea what to expect.

Every year since he could remember, his parents would come into his bedroom on his birthday to wake him up. His father would sing Happy Birthday in Fiorean, and then he'd launch into renditions of birthday songs from his native Alvarez. Natsu had never really understood the words themselves, but he'd always enjoyed it regardless. It had always been one of his favorite parts of the day, and he found himself hoping for it, even though he knew that with his mother gone, it was unlikely.

Everything had changed since she'd died last August. His dad - who had always had a joke or a funny story at the ready - was now sad pretty much all the time. Whenever he wasn't at work, he spent most of his time sitting in an armchair and staring off into space.

His older sister Erza was doing her best to fill the void created by their mom's absence. She'd been learning how to cook, do laundry, and all the other chores their mom used to take care of. There was no more time for games or pretend, leaving Natsu feeling adrift. He tried to do as much as he could, helping out with the chores and attempting to put a smile on his dad's face, but nothing seemed to change.

Regardless, Natsu had always been a bit of an optimist, so he remained in his bed with his eyes closed.

Wishing.

Waiting.

Allowing himself the barest flicker of hope that his dad would walk into his room at any moment.

He wanted today to be a good day. He didn't even care about presents, although, of course, that would be nice. The only thing he craved this year was to have a nice day with his dad and sister. So he waited and waited and waited some more until the heat underneath the covers became stifling, and he had no choice but to admit that his dad wasn't going to come.

Trying not to let that affect him, Natsu got up, making his bed to keep Erza from having to do it. He decided to go to him instead. Maybe if he asked nicely, his dad would still do it. He rushed through brushing his teeth, thinking about the words he would say. Stepping out of the bathroom and into the hallway, he walked to his father's bedroom, working up his courage as he got nearer.

But he never got the chance as Erza came out of their father's bedroom and closed the door behind her, standing in front of it with a face Natsu had come to recognize. Erza was disappointed. Still, she smiled brightly when her gaze fell on him.

"There you are! I was getting ready to come get you!" she exclaimed, her voice too cheerful, her smile too quick for him to trust that everything was okay, "Happy Birthday, I can't believe you're nine already!"

As she led him away from the room and down the stairs, she chattered nonstop about everything they were going to do to celebrate. Natsu looked back at the door, an unexplainable sense of dread coming over him at the sight.

The next thing he knew, he was sitting at the breakfast nook, staring at a huge breakfast of pancakes and bacon.

"Isn't dad coming to eat?"

"Nah, he was tired, maybe he'll feel up to it later," Erza muttered in between bites, her eyes fixed on the pancakes on her plate.

"Okay," Natsu shrugged and dug in, it wouldn't be the first time that had happened.

They cleared the dishes, putting them in the dishwasher for later.

"Would you like your present?" Erza asked shyly.

"You didn't have to get me anything," Natsu replied, but his grin was enough to show he sure as hell didn't mind.

Erza rolled her eyes at him, grabbing some sort of wrapped cylinder from the coat closet at the foot of the stairs and shoving it at him.

Whatever it was, Natsu could tell she was really excited about it, reminding him of other birthdays. "It's not another dragon onesie, is it?" he teased, unwrapping the present as slowly as he could manage, knowing that it would drive her crazy.

He didn't last long, his curiosity and excitement overriding his need to be a brat, and soon he was looking at a foam practice sword like the ones that Erza used in her lessons.

"Wow! This is awesome!" Natsu moved it from arm to arm getting a feel for its weight, and soon he began making practice slashes.

"Wanna spar?" Erza asked, grabbing one of her swords from the same closet and pointing it at him.

"Sure!"

She taught him the basics, enough for them to play around, pretending to be pirates fighting over treasure. Their squeals of laughter getting louder and louder until Natsu had to ask, "Shouldn't we be quieter?"

"Oh, yeah," Erza agreed, but rather than being quiet, she stopped altogether. "We should get started on your cake."

Natsu followed her into the kitchen, "You're gonna let me help?!"

"Well yeah, Mom taught you all her tricks. We want it to be a yummy cake, don't we?"

Natsu nodded eagerly, "It's not hard, I'll show you!"

They worked together until they were both satisfied with the results, giggling at their batter covered faces. They cleaned up while the cake baked, with Erza fixing them sandwiches while they waited.

The cake came out looking pretty nice, and they set about making frosting, with Erza determined it needed to be pink to match his hair, although she had also pulled out some strawberries from the refrigerator to decorate the top.

It had been a great day, but there was still something missing, something he desperately wanted. He couldn't help thinking that as much fun as they'd had Erza had kept him busy every moment of the day, almost as if she were trying to keep him away from their dad. And shouldn't he have come down to eat at least? They'd had two meals already, and unlike at breakfast when there had been plenty of food for all three of them, Erza had only made sandwiches for the two of them.

That sense of foreboding came back even stronger as he wondered what Erza was trying to keep him from. So while she was putting frosting on the cake, he snuck away, wanting to find out what was going on and hoping desperately that all that was wrong was that his dad was hungover again.

He had reached the stairs when there was a knocking at the door. Natsu was surprised to see Erza answer, they weren't supposed to do that without an adult present.

Two people came in, one was a policewoman, the other a tall man who was studying Erza and him as well.

"Are you kids alright?" the policewoman asked his sister.

"Yes, we're fine," Erza sounded polite like she always did with adults, but all Natsu could do was watch in fascination and dread.

"Is there an adult here with you?"

Erza remained silent, and it was clear that she was struggling with what to say.

"Of course there is!" Natsu yelled, full of indignation at the implication, "Our dad is upstairs."

It was Erza's flinch that did it. Every single doubt he'd had that day returned full force, and no matter how much he struggled to quiet it, it wouldn't go away.

He had to go upstairs, needed to show these people that they could go wherever they came from because his dad was right there. And soon, he would come downstairs and sing him Happy Birthday, and they would eat the cake that Natsu and Erza had made together.

"Son, you need to come with us," the policewoman said, earning a glare from the other man.

"You don't need to do anything yet," the other man assured him, "My name is Gildarts Clive, I am a social worker from the Magnolia Department of Social Services. I've been sent here to make sure that you are safe and that there is someone here to take care of you. That's all."

He smiled at both of them, and Natsu relaxed slightly, "Now, what are your names?"

"I'm Erza Dragneel, and that's my little brother, Natsu," Erza answered for both of them, her voice sounding wooden, and just like when they were eating pancakes that morning, she wouldn't look at him.

"Tell you what, Natsu," Gildarts walked towards him slowly, holding both his hands in front of him, "Why don't you and I go upstairs to talk to your dad, and if he's there like you say, then we'll go right away, okay?"

Natsu thought it over and nodded, that sounded reasonable enough.

"If he isn't up there, though, I'm going to help you pick out some things, and we'll take you to stay somewhere safe until he returns."

That part not so much, but Natsu was sure he had nothing to worry about, so he once again nodded in agreement.

"Good man," Gildarts smiled and gestured at Natsu to lead the way to his father's room, following him up the stairs.

Natsu stood in front of the door, but he couldn't seem to make his hand move to open it. Gildarts knocked on it and waited for an answer. When none came, he called out.

"Mr. Dragneel, this is Gildarts Clive from the Magnolia Department of Social Services, if you're in there, I need you to answer me."

They both waited in tense silence, but once again, there was nothing, only the quiet sound of Erza crying as the policewoman asked her lots of questions.

"Alright, Mr. Dragneel, I'm going to have to open this door. I apologize for the intrusion," Gildarts peered down at Natsu as if waiting for his approval.

He must have done something for Gildarts was opening the door, and Natsu rushed in wishing to hear his father complain, but Erza's tears had been enough for him to realize what he would find. His father wasn't there. The black and white checkered scarf he always wore sat neatly folded on the bed, along with a gift-wrapped box and a card.

Natsu found he couldn't move, and as much as he hated to feel Gildarts' gaze on him, he was almost grateful when the man picked him up and sat him on the bed before inspecting his father's closet and bathroom.

"It looks like those are for you," Gildarts prodded, sitting next to him, "Don't you want to open them?"

He shook his head, "Not before he sings me Happy Birthday."

"It's your birthday today?"

Gildarts studied him again before sighing, "Why don't you show me to your room? I'll help you get some things together. We don't know where your dad is right now, but we'll leave a note downstairs and a card. If he comes back-"

"He's going to come back!" Natsu screamed, making Gildarts startle.

"Sorry, my bad, when he comes back, we'll have a talk with him and get this all sorted out, okay?"

Natsu could hear Erza coming up the stairs, the policewoman following close behind, and when they passed his room to get to hers, he wanted so much to be angry with her for keeping this from him. But he couldn't. She must have been upset too, but she'd spent all day trying to make his birthday the absolute best she could given what she'd known. How could he fault her for that?

Natsu followed Gildarts to his room, watching listlessly as he packed some of his clothes into a bag. He let his eyes wander over his walls, which were covered with posters of dragons of all kinds. Models he'd built with his dad over the years sat on his bookcase, all vestiges of happier times.

His throat felt like it had a weight on it, but still, he didn't cry. Just took everything in and wondered what had happened. How did everything go so wrong in such a short time? It wasn't that long ago that he'd had a mother who had loved him and a father who - hadn't needed to be found.

Natsu refused to believe that he was gone for good. This wasn't the first time he'd left for a couple of days. He always came back, bringing presents and apologizing for his absence, and then everything would be better for a few days.

Natsu had no idea where his father went during these times, but they seemed to do him good, and that's all that mattered to him. That's what this was, he was sure of it. And with that thought, he relaxed. He'd just have to make sure he was here when his father came back.

Natsu understood this wasn't a fight he could win. He had no choice but to go with these people, but that didn't mean he had to stay.

Once Gildarts was done, he offered him his hand, and Natsu took it, allowing himself to be led.

"Are you sure you don't want to open that present, kid?" Gildarts asked him again.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Alright, but at least take this," Gildarts left him in the hallway and Natsu waited patiently, confused when he saw the social worker holding his father's scarf, "It might make you feel better in a strange place."

Natsu doubted it, but he nodded and let Gildarts wrap it around his neck. He'd just give it back to his dad when he saw him.

Erza came out of her room with a bag of her own. She searched his eyes and then hid behind her bangs, "I'm so sorry, Natsu. I had to."

"It's okay," he assured her, and wanting to let her know how much he appreciated everything she'd done for him, he added, "I had fun today, thank you."

For some reason he didn't get that seemed to make her cry again. Gildarts walked over to her, whispering some words that Natsu didn't catch, but they seemed to make her feel better.

They were led out of their home and placed in the back of a vehicle. Gildarts had grabbed the cake and brought it along with them, but Natsu didn’t want it anymore. Erza seemed afraid, but Natsu wasn't worried. Everything would be fine as soon as their dad came back.

He was sure of it.

0-0

Gildarts had been right about one thing, wearing his father’s scarf did make him feel better. It reassured him whenever they were moved from house to house and he wore it all the time. Natsu didn’t feel at home anywhere, and soon he closed himself off to everyone but Erza and Gildarts. No matter how nice the people were, and sometimes they were, they weren’t his parents and he wanted no part of them.

For two years, he stubbornly ran away from every foster family social services placed him and Erza. It made no difference to him how far away it was, he would make his way back to Magnolia, returning to their real home, determined that his father would come back for them.

He'd fought anyone who said any different, including Gildarts, who had been on the receiving end of his anger more than once.

He was the one who would invariably come and drag Natsu back to his foster home, always managing to keep him out of trouble. It did nothing to lessen Natsu's determination, and no matter how much Erza begged him to stop, he couldn't let it go.

Until the night Makarov Dreyar had shown up in Gildarts' stead.

He introduced himself as Gildarts' father and explained that Gildarts had gone back into the military. He would no longer be able to protect Natsu from the consequences of his constant rule-breaking, so he'd made arrangements for his parents to become their new foster parents.

Makarov even promised to bring Natsu to the house whenever he wanted, as long as he promised to stop sneaking out in the middle of the night.

Natsu wanted to fight, to say that the only home he needed was right behind him, but he had to admit he was drained. The news that he wouldn't even have Gildarts anymore hit him hard. As much as he fought with the social worker, he couldn’t deny that he'd taken a liking to him. Gildarts had been a steady presence in his life, always willing to listen and Natsu had enjoyed the time he got to spend with him, even when he was in trouble.

Now he’d abandoned Natsu as well. But he knew that wasn't exactly fair. Gildarts had left, and it did hurt, but he’d made sure that in his absence, Natsu and Erza were taken care of by someone he trusted. Something their own father hadn't done.

And that's when Natsu remembered Erza's words the day they had been taken away, the apology he'd thought was for lying to him about their dad's absence. For not being able to give him the birthday he'd hoped for.

I'm so sorry, Natsu. I had to.

It had been Erza who had called Social Services on them.

Now that he thought about it, she hadn't acted at all surprised when they had shown up at their door. The realization dismayed him, but he knew in his heart that it was the truth. And he had to wonder why she’d done it.

Erza was not one to give up easily. She must have somehow recognized that Igneel wasn't coming back from wherever he went this time. Or maybe she just accepted that she couldn't take care of them on her own anymore. Either way, she had made the tough decision to ask for help, to ensure that they were cared for, just like Gildarts had.

Erza had accepted the truth two years ago, and Natsu realized that maybe it was time he did too.

If Igneel hadn't come back to them yet, it was quite likely he never would.

Erza had given them a chance at another life, and now Gildarts had offered them a home with his own family. But all Natsu had accomplished with his denial was to hurt himself and put them at risk of being separated. He didn’t want to do that anymore.

Natsu finally let himself cry for all the things he'd lost while Makarov comforted him as best he could.

"So, do we have a deal?" Makarov asked when Natsu was done.

“Yeah,” he sniffled, “There’s just something I want to get from inside.”

Makarov flashed him an approving grin and fished around in his pocket, extracting the house key and presenting it to him, “Gildarts hoped you’d say that.”

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Dawn in Your Eyes Part 4

Summary: Alfie has little to no idea why Caroline ever gave him the time of day. The blind woman seemed far too sensible to even speak to him. But soon he finds himself falling helplessly in love.

Part 4: Admissions are made

Part 1, 2, 3

        Julia couldn’t keep cursing. “Please for the love of our Lord above, tell me you’re joking.” The older woman looked at her niece.

         “Tante, I’ve never felt the way I feel with him. I know you’re trying to protect me but I know that he loves me.” Caroline said gently, leaning forward to try and appeal to her aunt.

         “But I-he’s…” Julia groaned and put her face in her hands. “I suppose I can’t stop you from seeing him, troublemakers that you both are.” She muttered a blessing under her breath. Lord help her.  

         Caroline smiled sheepishly. “Is it so bad that I’ve found love?”

         “You’re going to really pull that one on me?” Julia sighed. “Oy, fine. But you are a respectable young woman.” She asserted. “And if I find out that he’s hurt you in any way, he’ll be paying, fershtay?”

         Her niece beamed and nodded eagerly. “Okay.” She didn’t seem too bothered by the threat. Her Alfie would never bring her harm. She was more than positive.

~~~~~~~~~~~

         Almost every time Alfie came by to visit Caroline, there were flowers on the front step. Every time, he brought them inside for her and every time Caroline dismissed the letter from the same gentleman caller. Mr. Thompson obviously wasn’t getting the hint that she wasn’t interested in the slightest.

         It just so happened that one day, the man was leaving his near-daily bouquet on Caroline’s step when Alfie rolled up.

         “Mr. Thompson, that right?” Alfie stepped out of his car and held Cyril’s leash as the big dog jumped out after him.

         The clean-cut man looked a little startled. “Oh, yes?” He took in the appearance of the Jewish gangster. “I’m sorry I don’t believe we’ve met.”

         “No, mate, we ain’t met before.” He grunted and pointed a ring-covered finger at him. “You’ve been leaving gifts for my Caroline.”

         The possessive tone left the man looking confused. “I wasn’t aware she was betrothed.”

         “Betrothed?” Alfie raised an eyebrow. “Is that what it takes for you to get a clue? Fine then, yeah, mate, we’re betrothed. Gonna be a blowout wedding, although I can’t say you’ll receive an invitation. Friends and family only, you see.”

         The man was thoroughly rattled by Alfie’s presence. “I see...well, I apologize.”

         “No need, mate. Just don’t let me catch you sniffing ‘round here again.” Alfie stepped up to Caroline’s front stoop. “And take the flowers with ya, she don’t care for flowers much.” He didn’t wait for the man to leave, instead, letting himself in with a spare key Caroline had given him. He let Cyril off his lead to go and find Caroline and Pilot.

         “Hello, Cyril!” Her soft voice came from the parlor where she usually was in the afternoons after work.

         Alfie smiled and followed his dog to her. She was cooing over Cyril, scratching his ears and giving him the attention the dog absolutely adored. “Sometimes I think you only like me for me dog.” He teased and sat down beside her.

         “Well, you’re scruffy like he is.” She replied coyly and playfully scratched her nails over his beard.

         “Cheeky girl.” He murmured and pulled her close to kiss her deeply.

         Caroline didn’t hesitate to pull him closer, deepening the kiss as far as she could before they both needed a breath. She touched her forehead to his. “I seem to have missed your marriage proposal to me.”

         That made Alfie jolt a little in surprise. “What?”

         “Well, you were telling Mr. Thompson that our wedding was already planned out.” She replied.

         That’s when Alfie felt a little breeze coming in from the open window behind the couch. A window that pointed towards the front step. “You were listening.” He nodded in understanding.

         “I’m glad you told him off, it’s starting to smell like a funeral parlor in here.” She turned up her nose.

         He chuckled weakly and ran a hand through her curls. “I was only saying it to scare him off.”

         “So you didn’t mean it?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

         That put Alfie in a tough position. Of course, he would bend over backward to marry a woman like Caroline. She was everything he could ever want in a wife. But it was far too soon to be talking about marriage. Even though Alfie was sure that if his mother was still alive, she’d be pushing them both toward the Chuppah after the first week together. Then the week after the wedding, she’d be asking about grandchildren. It was a shame the woman wouldn’t see him fulfill her wishes. To have a beautiful Jewish wife and a big Jewish family.

         “‘Course I meant it. Would be a fucking gift to marry you.” He replied gently and kissed her forehead. “Too soon though, innit?”

         “I suppose.” She agreed. “I don’t want to push you into anything. I know I’m not the ideal wife.”

         “Now, hang on.” Alfie stopped her. “Whoever said that is sorely mistaken.”

         She laughed bitterly. “Honestly, Alfie, how do you think I would be a good housewife. I can hardly do the things that are expected of a wife.”

         “What’re the things expected of a wife?”

         She frowned and tilted her head to the side. “Well, cooking, cleaning, I suppose.”

         “Well I can do those things, I’ve looked after meself for quite some time, yeah, I think I can handle it when I’m married s’well.” He scoffed. “‘Sides I have enough money to have someone keep after the house.”

         “Well…”

         “Can I tell you what I expect of a wife?” He grazed his thumb down her cheek. “Truly and honestly?”

         “Sure.”

         “I want a wife who is caring and intelligent. She’s gotta love dogs. Frankly, s’alright if she likes dogs more than she likes me, that I would fucking understand.”

         Caroline giggled and buried her face in the crook of his neck. “You’re just being silly now.”

         “Hang on, not done yet.” He grinned and cradled her close. “She’s got to be strong, strong enough to stand up to an oaf like me. And she’s got to believe that she’s good enough because she fucking is.”

         “Oh, Alfie.” Caroline sighed. “I love you.”

         The words were like a song to him. It didn’t matter how many times she told him, each time it felt better and better. “I love you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~

         It strangely reminded Alfie of all the times he got in trouble at school. His mother would scold him but often times she was weary from work so her punishments were watered down. Most of his discipline came from his teachers. Never content, young Alfie was restless in the classroom and would often get in fights in the yard. He was all too familiar with the stinging whack of a ruler against his knuckles. He swore he still had scars from some of the worst of the hits.

         Were the punishments effective? No. But at least they stuck with him for some time. He could remember sitting in the sparsely decorated offices of the headmaster. It started as young as when he was unable to touch the floor with his feet while he was sat in the uncomfortable wooden chair.

         A learned, wise, and respected woman like Julia gave off the same energy as those stern teachers. She bathed him in uncomfortable silence, long enough that Alfie was about to speak just to break the tension.

         “Juli-”

         “What did I tell you?” She interrupted him.

         He held up a hand. “Hey now, I took a different path home. Ain’t my fault that me cousin got involved. You were the one to agree to that arrangement.” He tried to defend himself.

         “Under the agreement that you would stay away from my niece!” She replied sharply. “My mistake for trusting you for even a second, Alfie Solomons.”

         Alfie groaned and ran a hand over his beard. “Julia, I apologize but I tried. I did as you asked.”

         “She says she loves you.”

         The man paused. “Yeah, yeah she told me that too.” It was one thing to discuss love with the person you loved. It was another thing to discuss that love with a disgruntled relative. “I love her, I don’t know what else to say to you.”

         Julia scoffed. “Love. What do you know about love?” She demanded. “She is innocent and pure. You’ve done nothing but cause trouble in this city.”

“I know enough about love to fucking know that I love her.” Alfie retorted sharply. He didn’t like having his feelings questioned. What did she know about how he felt for Caroline? “It’s simple enough. I love her and she loves me. I think you’re forgetting the fact that you’ve had her sheltered for so long!”

“Don’t you dare try to question how I raised her.” Julia jabbed a finger at him. “You have no idea what I’ve done for that girl.”

         “She’s an adult, Julia, she has every right to do what she likes. Just ‘cause she can’t see don’t mean you keep her wrapped up tight to protect her from the world.”  

         “I’m trying to protect her from men like you.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Men who will promise her the world but leave her defenseless when he’s lost interest.”

         “I’ll give her the world if she damn well wants it. What’d you want from me, aye? You want me to say I’ll marry her, ‘cause I fucking will!” The words came out on their own and neither of them was expecting it.

Julia looked taken aback, while Alfie came to terms with the truth. Despite his insistence to Elizabeth, he realized he would marry Caroline in a heartbeat. Maybe commitment was unnerving. But when he thought about forever with her, well, it didn’t seem so frightening. In fact, it sounded too good to be true.

         “I would.” Alfie asserted.

         Julia let out a long sigh and put her head in her hands. It was difficult to expect a normal life for Caroline. Without her sight, she couldn’t be anything but vulnerable. But it didn’t take away her will. She had her mother’s spirit and that meant she would never leave Alfie. Just as Monica never left her husband’s side even as they were both dying. So, Julia had two options, if things were to play out as she expected. Caroline and Alfie would elope and Camden Town would be whipped into a frenzy over the news. Or, Julia could facilitate a respectable betrothal and marriage. People would still talk but at least they would be going about it the correct way, traditions and all.

         “What do you want for a dowry?”

         It was Alfie’s turn to be surprised. His eyes widened and he raised an eyebrow. “S’cuse me?”

         “You heard me.” The older woman retorted sharply. “You plan to marry my niece, then we’re doing this properly.” She insisted.

         “I uh…” He shook his head. “Don’t need a dowry.”

         “Alfred, if you intend to marry Caroline, you better bet it will be according to His will.” Julia assumed that the many Jewish traditions of a wedding would either scare Alfie away or enforce his commitment to Caroline. It was a win-win.

         “Alright then.” He nodded, slowly getting over his shock. “Then a proper wedding it’ll be.” They just had to notify the bride.

Yiddish: Fershtay: Do you understand?

Tante: Aunt

Taglist: @zazasblogxx​ @thinkingsofamadwoman​

Masterlist

[theladyofdeath]

Perfect

12 Days of Christmas in July {day 5}.

Chaol + Yrene

Written alongside my soulmate, @throne-of-ashes-and-beauty

Chaol was miserable.

He was in the middle of a thousand people, all of whom wanted the same toy as they did. He and Yrene had left right after breakfast and gotten to the mall as soon as it opened...only to be met alongside hundreds of other needy parents.

“Is this necessary?” He mumbled under his breath, unsure if his wife could even hear him.

Yrene’s eyes quickly snapped to his. “This is our first Christmas as a family. It’s going to be perfect.”

He fought the urge to roll his eyes, knowing that would only get him in deeper shit.

“Taylon isn’t even one yet, do you really think he’s going to remember whether or not we got him the-.”

Yrene looked over at him again and he shut right up.

She leaned in and whispered, “The woman behind us brought a map — a map, Chaol! This is clearly not her first time doing this. The family in front of us? They have a list of coordinates. We are severely outmatched here and if these people smell our fear, they’re going to eat us alive!”

Chaol just shook his head, suppressing his laughter. When Yrene put her heart and mind into something, it was all or nothing. It was one of the many reasons why he had fallen in love with her.

“Alright, as you wish,” he said, and Yrene grinned in satisfaction. 

The doors were about to open and the crowd began to hum with excitement. They were going to go in, get what Yrene wanted, and get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

Except for the toy that Yrene wanted to get for Taylon? Every other set of parents was there to get it, too.

“What happens if we get separated?” Chaol joked.

As Yrene pursed her lips, he could see that she was taking his question seriously. “Probably should meet up at the restrooms or something.”

“Baby,” he chuckled, holding her hand in his. “Calm down. It’s Black Friday shopping, not a war zone.”

He had no idea how wrong he was…

The doors of the mall were unlocked and Yrene grabbed Chaol’s hand to drag him through the chaos. People were bumping into him every other second, and he felt horrible for all the toes he ended up stepping on. 

The mall was already fully decorated for the Christmas holiday even though twenty-four hours had not yet passed since they’d eaten their thanksgiving dinner.

Chaol instantly felt sorry for all the poor souls that had to work at the mall on Black Friday. 

Front and center was the animatronic teddy bear that was the “hot toy” of the year. He had to admit, it was pretty cute — until it started talking to you.

Regardless, this was the must have toy and his darling wife had made it clear that they must have it.

There were close to 500 boxes piled up in a pyramid and Chaol let out a breath of relief. This wouldn’t be so bad. They could grab the bear, hit the register and be back home before Taylon even woke up.

And then, in the blink of an eye, the pyramid was gone.

“Shit!” Yrene called and her hand was ripped from his as she ran towards the crowd of people gathered around the display.

Chaol watched, half in horror half in awe, as Yrene hurried toward the pile, reaching for a box. Perhaps he should have been the one to go in, but she was quicker, smaller, and far more adamant. If it were up to Chaol, they would’ve gone shopping the week before Christmas to get toys that didn’t cost nearly a hundred dollars.

Yrene was lost among the sea of parents, so Chaol made his move, weaving in and out of the crowd. He finally spotted her pulling and tugging on a box.

Except she wasn’t the only one pulling and tugging. A woman with blonde hair, nearly the same size as Yrene, was tugging on the other end.

“I don’t give a shit if you had it first, I need this toy!” the blonde woman yelled.

Chaol quickly moved in as Yrene was losing her grip. He stepped closer and winked at the blonde woman. “Need some help, ma’am?”

“Please,” she said, sighing. “I have to have this. It’s a collectible.”

His hands closed around the box and both he and the woman pulled the box from Yrene’s hands.

With ease, he took the box from her and it was then in his own hands and under his arm. “She did have it first. Happy shopping,” he said, walking away.

With a smirk and a vulgar gesture, Yrene followed him.

They hurried to the registers and, to further Chaol’s dismay, the line was forever long. It wrapped around the edge of the store and by the time they found the end, Chaol was wishing it was manly and socially acceptable to publicly throw a hissy fit.

Yrene, however, was beaming. She had gotten what she had come for, and Chaol decided that was all that mattered.

Yrene and Taylon were all that mattered. If they were happy, Chaol was too...shopping mall chaos and all.

_____

“Is he asleep?” 

Chaol nodded, joining her beneath the lit Christmas tree. He pressed a kiss to Yrene’s forehead before grabbing the tape to help her wrap Taylon’s gifts. It was Christmas Eve, and although there was no way their infant would remember his first Christmas, they did all the traditions.

They made sugar cookies in different holiday shapes, decorating them with icing and sprinkles. They put them on the coffee table with a tall glass of milk, ready for Santa. And to please his reindeer, they also put out a few carrots.

“Do you think he’s going to like it?”

Chaol looked up at Yrene. She was touching an ornament, painted with Taylon’s handprint.

“Like what, love?” He asked, finishing the wrapping on one present and stacking it on top of another. For being less than a year old, he was definitely going to have more presents than some adults.

“His presents,” she said, looking around. “The tree and the decorations. Christmas as a whole.”

He moved the box he had just set in front of him to the side and grabbed Yrene’s wrist, tugging slightly.

“Come here,” he breathed.

She climbed on top of his lap, straddling his waist. 

“He’s going to love it,” Chaol smiled, pressing his lips to hers. “Promise.”

She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, just holding him. He ran a soothing hand up and down her back.

“Keep doing that and you’re going to put me to sleep,” she said, drowsily.

“That’s the plan, baby,” he laughed.

“What?” She asked, sitting back and looking at him. “No, there’s too much to do and -.”

“And I can handle it,” he said, finishing her sentence and kissing her. “You’ve already done enough. Go to bed, my love.”

After some more persuasion from Chaol, including a few promises regarding his arrival in bed, Yrene relented and pressed a kiss to her husband’s lips before heading up the stairs.

Not long after Chaol followed, stopping in to check on Taylon, who was sound asleep in his crib.

The next morning, Chaol fulfilled one of his promises to Yrene, and when he went to wake up their son, his hair was noticeably more messy. Good thing there was no one but a baby to judge him.

Yrene was still laying in bed when Chaol came back with Taylon, babbling and bouncing in his father’s arms.

“There’s my handsome baby boy,” she crooned, sitting up. Chaol handed him to her and she kissed all over his face. “Merry Christmas, my sweet boy. Merry Christmas.”

He squealed in delight from the attention.

The snow had already begun to fall, the hot chocolate already steaming and sitting on the kitchen counter.

“We have to go see if Santa came,” Yrene said, smile wide and she talked to her little man. “Yes we do.”

Chaol watched them walk down the staircase in front of him, admiring his wife who was wearing one of his old teeshirts. Taylon went wide eyed when he saw the colorful display of wrapped boxes in front of the lit up Christmas tree. The minute Yrene set him on the rug, he was crawling toward them all.

“Looks like Santa ate all the cookies,” Yrene mused.

Chaol cleared his throat. “Yes, and he thought they were delicious.”

“And the carrots?” She asked, raising an eyebrow and glancing at the plate. All four baby carrots remained.

Chaol ducked his head and went to intercept a curious Taylon as he reached to put a Christmas light in his mouth. “Reindeers weren’t hungry. Let’s open presents!”

Yrene only laughed as she sat down on the floor and took Taylon from Chaol.

One by one, Chaol removed the wrapping paper he so meticulously put on the night before. But each time Taylon’s eyes lit up or his squeal of delight filled the house, he knew it was completely worth the little sleep he got.

When there was only one present left, Yrene said, “Let me open this one for him.”

Chaol rolled his eyes, knowing full well which present was left. He slid the package across the floor and took his son from her outstretched hands.

Yrene helped Taylon opened the gift, the bear in which they had waited hours for and wrestled away from another mom.

Once it was opened, Taylor hit the bear’s nose a few times before crawling off Chaol’s lap and picking up a cardboard book about dinosaurs. 

Yrene blinked, staring at the bear with her mouth hanging open. Chaol had to fight the laughter that was bubbling up in his throat.

“He…” Yrene hesitated. “Taylon, look at this bear! It talks! It sings! You can name it whatever you want! See the bear?”

Taylon was babbling to himself, hitting his new book against a plush soccer ball he’d also gotten.

Chaol, unable to stop himself, burst out laughing, ending up on his back and clutching his side.

“I can’t believe this,” Yrene said, lip slightly pouting. “I punched an old man for this thing and he doesn’t even care about it.”

Chaol blinked, sitting up. “You did what now?”

She sighed. “Okay, so I didn’t punch him, but I did aggressively shove him. But regardless, he doesn’t even care! He’s more concerned with trying to make dinosaurs play soccer!” She watched him, Chaol keeping an eye on her, and he watched as her face softened. “But he’s happy. He’s happy and that’s all that matters.”

It was moments like these that Chaol couldn’t believe how lucky he was, how amazing his life really ended up.

Taylon let out a sweet, high pitched giggle as the ball rolled away toward Chaol, who picked it up with a smile and rolled it back to his son. 

“I think he’s having a great Christmas, babe,” Chaol said, smiling at his wife. 

Yrene’s grin widened as she leaned over and kissed her husband, then her son. “He is. So am I. It’s perfect.”

“You don’t want one more gift?” Chaol asked with a smile.

“Didn’t you already give me one this morning?” Yrene was blushing, but Chaol could see a glint in her eye.

Chaol laughed, shaking his head. “Not exactly what I meant, but nice to know where your heads still at this morning.” He stood, turning to walk in the kitchen.

She called after him, “Still thinking about where your head was earlier.”

He threw his head back and laughed, retrieving the small silver box from under the cabinet.

“I’m reminded every day of the many reasons that I love you,” he said, keeping his hand behind his back as he walked back into the living room. “And one of those reasons is your humor.”

“And some others?” Yrene asked, crawling into his lap as he sat down.

“Your beauty,” he said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “You’re the most brilliant person that I know.” He kissed the other cheek. “You’re the best mother to our son.” A kiss to her nose. “And you’ve got a fine ass.”

“Chaol!” Yrene laughed, swatting at his chest.

He leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. He lifted his hand to reveal the box. “Merry Christmas, baby.”

Yrene’s eyes went wide. She sat up and straddled his waist. “Baby, we said no gifts this year.”

He smirked. “Yeah, I’ve never been good at following directions.”

It wasn’t wrapped, the filigree along the top of the antique silver box decoration enough. Yrene skimmed her thumb along the lid, before opening it.

“Chaol,” she breathed. “It’s beautiful.”

It was. The sapphire in the middle of the Art Deco style ring was sparkling, shining in the colorful lights of the tree.

She slipped it onto her finger, her eyes lined with silver as she admired it. “Thank you so much.”

His lips pressed against her forehead, then her nose, and her lips.

Taylon quickly crawled over and tried to grab the ring, causing Yrene to fall into a fit of giggles.

This was it, their first Christmas as a family of three.

All Yrene wanted was for it to be perfect, for it to be a day that they would remember for the rest of their lives. And it was just that.

Perfect. 

[lisinfleur]

Surprise, surprise!

Hey guys!

This month I saved this sweet surprise for you all. Believe me, it was a surprise for me as well. I never thought it could happen someday and to have this content to offer you guys is really something impressive and almost unbelievable to me.

I have been working hard on edits and fictions all this time to provide the events from the "Uncrowned King's Thursday" to the "5 Crowns Weekend" and, somehow, it filled my life with joy, so add this small interview as a part of this event - especially for THIS prince you all know is my favorite haha - is something very special and a huge gift. Maybe the hugest a fan could ever get from its idol.

Well, let me stop the rounds and rounds and tell you what this surprise is all about: dear David Lindström agreed in answering some questions for me to publish here, for you guys!

We all know our sweet bardic prince launched on July 12 the first single of his album to come, a beautiful song named "Autumn". If you didn't hear it yet, you're losing a hit! However, I didn't lose time and pre-saved my single and my chance to have this amazing content for you guys!

Enjoy!

Image source: Instagram (@dalindstrom, credits to the owner)

Me: First of all, and once again, thank you for this amazing opportunity! Considering this small article will be published in an event about Sigurd, I would like to start with a few questions related to him if you allow me. Would you mind telling us a bit of what was the meaning of this character in your life as an actor? How did it contribute to your professional career, acting style, and personal life?

David: My pleasure! Obviously, the role of Sigurd has been extremely important for my career, giving me exposure and resources that I would otherwise never have had at this point which in turn has made possible almost everything I do today. But it was actually the process around getting the role that impacted me the most personally and that has affected the way I approach acting, music, and life in general. Here’s the story: When I got to the open audition for the sons of Ragnar at 07:30 in Stockholm there was already a line outside the building with 200 giant dudes in a Ragnar mohawk, each and every one having about as much mass in their beards as I had in my entire body at that point. I realized that I was never going to get the job by competing with these guys on who’s the biggest, baddest warrior so if I were going to do this at all I’d have to take a different approach. I had the belief that even in the Viking age not everyone could have been the giant beasts that we associate them with, so what if I could present a character that was a little more sensitive, slender and insecure? Even better, what about a Viking in his awkward teenage phase, gradually growing into the legend he would later be known as? I took a shot and was told from the start that I was unlikely to get the part, but there was something interesting in my interpretation so I was still brought back repeatedly up until the final audition in Ireland. At this point, I was auditioning both for the role of Sigurd and Ivar, with the latter having a flamboyance and hubris that was suppressed in Sigurd. When all was done Travis Fimmel and Alexander Ludwig came into the room for a group shot, during which I awkwardly waved to the camera and was promptly called out by Travis and told that I could forget landing the role. I’ll admit that I believed him, and part of me would continue to believe him all the way through filming and even long after. But what was so special about the whole thing was that from the very first second I was put in a situation where I was forced to believe that I had something unique to bring to the table, if I didn’t go all in on embracing my differences I could as well forget it. So, whereas I’d never normally trust my instincts and go out on a limb that way, when that became the only option, I had a chance to see for myself that it can be worth it. Ever since, I try my best to remember how hopeless it all seemed until it suddenly worked out, and that no matter how inferior and incompetent we feel at times, it’s our unique combination of flaws that make us valuable, exciting and irreplaceable.

Me: We’re a large community of Vikings fans, passionate about the series, their actors, and everything related to the world your talent helped to bring for us. This community embraces the characters with such love, that many of us write fictions about the series, giving our beloved characters what we think they should achieve or deserved. How it is it for you to know there are such fanfictions and that - in a great number of them - Sigurd was described with a different ending, where his life followed the curse of history and he became a king, or he found love, had children, etc.? How does it feel for you to know so many people wanted a better life and a sweet ending for your character?

David: It’s incredibly humbling to see the passion and investment that so many of you put into the character’s fate. It’s a hard feeling to describe, but it’s sort of just the reassurance of having a whole bunch of great artists on your side. Even though the reason behind Sigurd’s fate has been somewhat explained to me, I can’t honestly say that it’s a decision that I really agree with. Of course, Hirst does a job writing the show that I can’t imagine many others could, and it’s crucial for a good story that the writer’s vision takes precedence over the actors getting what they want. That said, it’s obviously no question that I personally would have wanted more time to release what I’d built up, and for Sigurd’s coming of age-arch to be completed. When I was told what was going to happen, I actually felt I had to get involved with making suggestions to Hirst for the remaining scenes to get some sort of closure, which can be seen in Sigurd being noticeably more proactive and confrontational towards the end. The fact that so many in the community seem to have similar ideas and feelings on the subject means more than you’d really believe. Still, we should never underestimate the impact that a story can get out of an uncompleted pattern, maybe it’s better that Sigurd left us wanting more rather than outliving our interest for him. But there’s so much good writing in the community that I wouldn’t be surprised if some of it became a great screenplay of its own.

Me: Despite the huge project Vikings represented for us or the fact that many of us came to know you because of Sigurd, you worked in different projects on Swedish television, theatre, and other fields. Would you mind talking about some of these projects for us? Something you recommend for your new fans?

David: I’d love to! The part I’m proudest of is probably Simon in the TV series “Blue Eyes”. It was my first major professional role and I was overjoyed to receive such a well written, complexly human character that I felt really fit my style. The filming was also incredibly fun, I was warmly welcomed into the business and had great guidance from a number of caring directors and while I was personally going through a major heartbreak at the time, I had the opportunity to make use of those emotions and grow both artistically and personally. The series itself is a great political drama that mirrors the ideological situation that much of the world was dealing with at the time in a way that I thought was both insightful and thrilling.

Image source: Google Images (credits to the owner)

Me: Now, speaking of your present life, you changed your focus from acting to your musician self, now gifting us with this amazing work that's your soon-to-come album. What is the meaning of this project to your life as an artist?

David: I’ve probably always seen myself as a musician more than anything else, and although acting has been another one of my favourite things since long before I got paid for it, my go-to source of expression has always been music. I’ve loved sharing musical ideas with my close friends and processing life through song writing, and few things have been as exciting as finding someone willing to give my stuff a listen. Landing a record deal like the one I have means the sudden realization of so much that had only been fantasy before, and it’s been surreal to see this imagined world take shape. But that’s still something I’ve had more than a year to prepare for. What I could never prepare for was the reception we’ve had so far. I know that I tend to not expect things to go very well, but even when I allowed myself to dream big, I thought that it would take Autumn a year to get where it’s now at after a month. It’s once again the feeling of being surrounded by incredible people giving incredible support, and there’s nothing quite as uplifting as the feeling of being in such good company.

Me: I'm a writer myself. And to compose my text works, I usually have some sources of inspiration like listening to some specific musicians and music styles, reading books related to the work I want to compose, etc. What are your inspiration sources when composing your songs?

David: Of course, my main source of influence is other music, and that would mostly be my favourite artists such as anything Julian Casablancas, Muse, Kent, MGMT and Lars Winnerbäck, as well as the classical music of Chopin, Liszt and Rachmaninoff. I love anything with great lyrics or big melodies. I’m also lucky enough to live with one of the most creative people I know, so I always run my ideas past her when I’m stuck or unsure, but the ideas can really come from anywhere. If I come across a story, place, picture or anything that resonates with me it usually has something special when it comes to structure, dynamics or flavor that I can try to apply on what I’m working on, so I find that really just living life and being aware of the world around me gives me more than enough input without having to actively pursue it. However, if I’m working towards a deadline, I find it most effective to take an idea that I already like and either jam with it or elaborate on it until it’s become something else. In either case it’s important to remember that the majority of creative work is just finding out what doesn’t work, so no effort is ever really wasted. I sometimes task myself with writing 10 songs that I think are shit, because even if I’m right 90% of the time that will still leave me with a good one.

Image source: Spotify (Autumn, 2019)

Me: Dayfelice. At the pre saving of your album's first single "Autumn", we saw the album was signed "by Dayfelice". I already know this is a new artistic name, but how did you come up with the idea and what’s the meaning of this name you chose, in your personal view?

David: It’s a stylized version of my first names “David Felix”. When I make music, I try to liberate it from trends or expectations when it comes to genre and sound, and to end up in a space where the song’s emotion, narrative, and imagery can really shape it without limits. So, most of the songs are very different from each other, but they center around an emotional, cinematic larger-than-life style, and I wanted to signal that with an artist name that had a romantic, elevated feel without saying too much else. Something that could be either a band or an artist of any gender, as well as something that just sounds good.

Me: I’ll never be tired to thank you for this amazing moment! Would you like to leave a message to the fan community of Tumblr and Vikings' fans that will reach this work?

David: I know it's cliché, but I genuinely just want to thank you all for your amazing support. I want you to know that I see your comments, I read your messages and it truly means a lot be surrounded by such a smart, progressive and kind community. Stay awesome and take care of each other.

Well, that's it, guys! The apex of what a fan could get and one more of the thousands of reasons why David became one of my favorite artists in this world: his sweetness and kindness towards his fans is admirable such as his talent and beautiful work. A complete artist bringing to us not only our sweet and beloved prince Sigurd but also lots of amazing works and new songs for us to enjoy!

Thank you one more time for your gentleness, dear David, and for you guys, thank you for bringing me the courage to go there and get this for us! I hope 

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