#although im broke so like
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jestroer · 8 months ago
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Thinking about getting a drawing tablet with a screen......... Oghgghhhh.......
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theodoravery · 9 months ago
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litg mcs — s4 to s8: olive, rina, margo, bina & gabi
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sheila--e · 9 months ago
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when I say Sheila E. I mean Sheila E. idgaf about those two others gay boys go get ur own fanfic this is about her
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tronlightcyclerun · 3 months ago
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oh my Fucking god i hate the user world it is hot loud and overwhelming get me out of this hellhole
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 8 months ago
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It's dead af at work. We got through our four reservations and have had no walk ins, and my manager won't cut me because he hates doing my job (and we're friends and he knows I need the money) and tbh I don't want to be cut (can't really afford to be) but I'm actually going insane from sitting on my stool, going through Tumblr, Insta, Kindle, then standing up and going through those apps again, then sitting down and going through those apps again, etc. it's nice to get paid to do nothing, because tbh if I was cut then I'd just be doing this but in my bed, but I'm getting so fucking restless.
#truly im unneeded rn#my other manager gave me the option to be cut before my shift even started but again. I'm broke af#so i came in. and im getting paid $15 an hour to scroll through all of my apps#and im trying to be mildly productive#trying to do some resding because i didnt resd as much as i wanted this month#to make up for it i finished three books in the last two days and im going for a fourth#one of them i had already started. one was pretty short. and one was so good that i tore through it fast#this is a more difficult story. about a school shooting. not super fun but a good story nonetheless#you ever read a book and then want to forget it so you can read it for the first time again?#i just read jumper by Melanie Crowder and it was so good. although apparently the diabetes information isnt accurate#but the story was very very good and kept me interested the whole way#the problem with this school shooting story is that its good. it draws my attention. but its understandably very hard to read#fourteen ish minutes until my paycheck goes through and then i find out if i can pay rent this month#that's part of why im restless too. nervous about paying rent. my job hours are unpredictable and so are the paychecks#i think ill be okay but as always im terrified that it wont#anyway im in a bit of a reading rut. if you hsve any book recs (not a big fan of fantasy. generally like realistic fiction. ya. lgbt)#that type of stuff. like jumper. the Miseducation of Cameron Post. message not found. stuff like that#open to recommendations#love yall. i hope you all have more thsn enough money to pay rent
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zevrans-remade · 11 months ago
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verymuchablog42 · 2 years ago
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i want to wrap my youngest brother in a forever cocoon of dance parties and hugs and reading the books he likes where he and I can live forever and ever because this child doesn't deserve a single bad thing to ever happen in his life
#for context:#he's little‚ in kindergarten‚ and was recently diagnosed with adhd (although we had already pretty much known) so while his dr is trying to#find the right meds for him he's struggling with the adjustment period and focusing in general#and this beautiful sunshine boy calls me on video chat and asks if i can help him finish his dnd character sheet we started last week#because he's very excited about the dnd campaign and wants to get his sheet finished like my other siblings (both several yrs older)#and so we're working through the sheet and we're talking and im explaining the math and i keep having to try and redirect his attention#because he's sitting in our kitchen and there's a lot happening around him and he's distracted (which i totally get and think is so valid!)#and so i told him#hey‚ if you can't focus right now and we need to circle back to this‚ i can wait. im free tonight and tomorrow night‚#call me when you're ready to finish and are feeling able to focus again#and he said okay and then in the saddest voice ever he apologized for not being able to pay attention and I just#my heart BROKE for him#because he's so smart! and kind!! and it's okay that he cannot focus on dnd right now‚ he's doing his best!!!#and i told him as much‚ promised i wasn't mad or frustrated or anything and told him i loved him and hoped he had a good night#but i just feel so bad that he internalized him not being able to pay attention as his fault#i just want to protect him forever and ever#idk if anyone has any tips on little kids w adhd‚ plz lmk‚ i want to be a resource and source of support for him 🫶
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spacejammie-eimmajecaps · 1 year ago
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Had plans today that I had to follow through on (tragically)
Had plans tomorrow night but they just got canceled (thankfully)
Peace and love from the comfort of my bed
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chanyoungies · 2 years ago
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its so funny how much i dislike visiting doctors when thats my moms like. fave thing to do
#i also am oddly. like. not distrustful bc like i am not one of those ppl who like. dont believe in medicine or whatever?? but like#i do tend to b like i dont need <3 a doctor <3 ever <3#which is funny bc i also think im p bad with pain#but i also believe that i could be actively dying and still wld choose not to visit a doctor probably .#i stopped going to whoever was in charge of my migraines bc the first meds he gave me werent working and i absolutely hated having to take t#time to visit him n do all he asked for so i was just like nvm mom actually my migraines r better now dw <3 so we'd stop going . although ik#ik the reason why he cldnt help me was bc i prob didnt say enough etc but like yeah idk im living well now ig#i remember learning at some point that the person we were going to for my (n my brothers) braces actually fucked up and the braces werent p#properly measured (or whatever) for our teeth n thats prob why it was so painful so i think that was fucked up i never agreed to braces ever#ever since* even though i absolutely hate the way my teeth look#i dont like checking my eyesight because thats . well first of all time consuming to take the time to arrange n go to an appointment but mos#most importantly its embarrassing as fuck why is it so embarrassing . for real why#if i wasnt a litte crybaby i probably wldnt have gone to the er when i broke my foot bc i honestly was convinced that i was relatively fine#n didnt wanna go but i cried to my parents abt what happened when they got home so they were good parents n took me to the hospital . but ye#no one asked for my medical history im sorry guys
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im-traumatised · 2 years ago
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Not sure anyone noticed, but I've not been around much cause my phone broke. Been waiting for the new one to arrive, and I forget desktop Tumblr exists a lot... But I'm alive I guess, in the technical sense anyway...
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awesomefroggy · 2 months ago
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Will this song ever leave my brain? God I hope not. The one line pitch he has for it is "Orpheus and Eurydice reliving their first dance as the memory starts to fall apart around them" and I swear the bridge gives me goosebumps literally every time I listen to it. Something about "If it only lasts a minute / I'll make certain that you're in it" being the setup for that just fucks me up in the best way possible. Also "I've called many things love and so many things grief / But they've all just been versions of uncertainty" like you didn't have to just punch me in the gut but you did and thank you
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bunnyb34r · 4 months ago
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I went in moms room to scream vent and then we were just talking and I hear one of the neighbors outside go HA! HA! HAA! HAAAAH!" super fucking loud 😭 I'm in heeeeell
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macroglossus · 1 year ago
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it's genuinely so difficult to know if i'm going overboard/'giving in' in regards to my Fears bc some things are like. i feel like they're legitimate precautions... like im going to send a bug in to get identified because i don't know how get rid of the bug if i dont know what the fuck it is and im getting weird looks for it. is that not a reasonable thing to do if i can't figure out what the fuck the bug is from the internet?? is this not the logical next step???
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myriadfrogs · 1 year ago
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went completely insane and bought myself persona 5 royal
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nicksolemnlyswears · 5 months ago
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COMFORT ME, STAY WITH ME
(HAELENA’S TURN)
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STAY WITH US
pairing: helaena targaryen x targaryen! reader, aegon targaryen x targaryen! reader
word count: ~3k
warnings: spoilers for s2e2 of HoTD, mentions of murder and death of a child, light cursing, angsty helaena, one single mention of sex. dont @ me if you find a haelena instead of a helaena. targaryen names are much too complicated for my brain
a/n: thank you guys for all the love on aegon's oneshot. i was bouncing on the walls when i saw how much love it received and that some people agree with me in terms of alicent being a shit mom. that being said you dont really have to read the first part to read this. it works as a stand alone although it is a continuation.
although the inspiration to write these oneshots was the death of a child i love how soft and comforting they've come out. it's about sympathizing and giving these characters the love they deserve.
helaena deserves so much love even more than aegon. she's an innocent in all of this trapped in the midst of war. hell even rhaenyra agrees and scolded daemon for his misdoings.
im thinking of writing one last part where it is all three of them together: reader, aegon and helaena. i'm leaning towards smut but i never know what my brain will come up with. if you’d rather have some more domestic fluffy stuff let me know and that can be arranged!
enjoy!
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Your fingers close around your skirts as you fly up the stairs to Helaena's bed chambers. One of her maids leads the way. The young girl sought you out as you readied for bed, rambling about how Queen Helaena was in distress. Without further question, you slipped on your robe and followed her.
The Queen has not been well since the night her child was brutally taken from her. She continues to live day by day in constant suffering as her mind has a difficult time coming to terms with that night's events.
As it happens, saying Helaena is 'not well' is an understatement.
She might've been 'not well' after the fact, but the funeral proceedings broke the last thread of sense she was holding onto. If anyone is to blame, it is the Dowager Queen who forced her to attend and Otto Hightower who was the 'mastermind' behind it all.
It was torture to hear the people of Kings Landing shouting for her, screaming vile words about Rhaenyra, and offering condolences about a subject they barely knew a thing about.
Most had never seen the young Prince; his cold body and the gold thread around his neck were their first glimpses of him. They gasped and awed at her child as if he were a spectacle while she had no choice but to sit and watch with composure.
It is only natural she would fall apart under the pressure of such ill-conceived plans. Her overthinking mind couldn't handle it any longer when the carriage got stuck. Her thoughts coming up with the most of wicked scenarios. She had to run.
Then, there is Jaehaera, who continues to ask for her twin brother. The poor girl has never spent a day apart from him since they were conceived. It is difficult for Helaena to hear Jaehaera constantly ask where he is and when he will return. It's a never ending reminder of her loss.
Besides, how is she to explain death to a child when Helaena herself has not accepted it.
The newly assigned guard sworn to protect the Queen opens the door for you as soon as you round the corner. His anticipation worries you to no end, and you fear what lies past those doors.
Maids surround Helaena, attempting to comfort her. She screams at them to let her be, but they persist. The maids mean well. Helaena is clearly distressed, yet they don't seem to realize it's because of their overbearing presence.
The young Queen swats them away. Her fingers thread through her messy hair as she seeks an escape, and sobs rake through her slender body until she collapses on her knees. Her lips move in unreadable murmurs in between each yell.
Helaena barely appears like herself. Dark purple circles line her under eyes, and her hair is unbrushed and knotted. Her signature plump cheeks have hollowed out, indicating that she has lost weight.
"Please," Helaena cries to no one in particular, recoiling from their touch.
You barrel through the maids and kneel on the floor at an arms length from Helaena. "'Laena?" you softly call to get her to look at you, knowing that if you even attempt to touch her, she will shy away.
At the recognition of your voice, Helaena's face whips up. She falls into your arms, hiding from the other females in the room. The tears that stain her face wet your robe as you hold her close. She tucks her face into your neck, hiccuping from emotion.
"Leave us," you command with a stern gaze that borders on anger.
The maids move to leave the room, but only after notifying you that the Queen has barely eaten or bathed in days. Once the door closes shut, you coax Helaena from your arms.
"What is wrong, 'Laena?" You ask softly, cradling her face to brush away her tears. The sight of her red and blotchy face breaks your heart. She must've been like this for a long time.
"It is my fault," she hiccups as new tears follow the path of the others. Helaena hangs her head in despair. She should've fought harder to keep her son alive. There must've been something else she could've done.
"Look at me," you say sternly, forcing her to look at you. It is when her eyes meet yours that you continue, "This is not your fault."
"I was the one to point my finger," she argues while her fists clench and unclench around the fabric of her dress when a new wave of emotion takes over.
Helaena is an overly emotional person. She feels things deep in her chest. She wishes she could control it, but the more she holds it in, the nastier it gets when it gets out of her control. Her body freezes and pleads for her to run and hide.
"Helaena, this was going to happen whether you pointed your finger or not. If you hadn't done what you did, you and Jaehaera would be dead as well."
It's blunt and a bit cruel, but Helaena must understand that she had no other choice. The only way this could've been stopped was if she had been assigned a sworn protector, but the council underestimated their enemy and Ser Criston Cole was too busy getting his cock wet to do anything about it.
"I told them to spare him and kill me instead," Helaena confesses with a weep.
She lets herself go on your shoulder as you wrap your arms around her shaking shoulders. You kiss the top of her head to console her guilty conscience. Helaena did not deserve to be a victim of Daemon's terrible idea. She might just be the most innocent of Targaryens.
"I know, Helaena, you were so brave. You're a wonderful mother. This is not your fault, and nobody blames you. You did what you had to do. Jaehaera is alive and well because of you."
It's hard for Helaena to stop thinking in such a way once she starts. The thoughts cause her to imagine things that aren't really there and doubt her reality. She feels like the staff's glances are not of worry but of resentment for letting those men kill her boy. Aegon's absence makes it all the worse.
"Aegon will not look at me, much less speak to me," she whimpers, wrapping her arms around your waist.
A tear slides down your cheek. You will never compare your sadness to theirs, but seeing them hurt in such a way pains you. Their marriage was arranged, yes, but Aegon and Helaena hold deep affection for each other. They simply have a difficult time showing it.
In this instance, there is no one who understands them better than each other. It is tragic but this should bring them closer together not tear them apart.
"Aegon is grieving. He can barely stand to look at himself because he feels like he failed his family, 'Laena. I promise you he will come around."
Helaena nods with her head on your shoulder. She is not convinced, but your words soothe her for the time being. Tears continuously slide down her face, and there is nothing you can do about it. You much prefer she cries it all out than hold it in.
"Come," you tell her, holding her hand and guiding her to the bath the maids had prepared before they left. "Let's get you ready for bed.”
You keep her close to you, reassuring Helaena you're there to stay as long as she needs. You help her untie the strings of her dress, and as you hang it over the back of a chair, she slips out of her smallclothes.
She accepts your hand to step into the bath. The water has now cooled, but she doesn't complain. It is the least of her worries. Helaena sits in the tub with her arms around her knees and silently cries.
Your goal tonight is to get her to rest. You can tell she hasn't slept in a long time, which will make her feel better.
Settling on the wooden stool next to the bath, you lather soap into the sponge and ask for her arm. Helaena complies, and you gently swipe the sponge across her skin. The maids were thorough as the smell of a calming oils invades your senses. They sincerely wanted to help their Queen.
Scrubbing down her arm, you note her nailbeds, which are red and raw. You're gentle with the soap when you reach her hand to prevent it from burning. Once you rinse it out, you bring her hand up to your lips, kissing her fingertips much like your mother would do when you got hurt.
Her crying calms when she catches onto your gesture, watching you in awe.
It is easy to note how she's thinned out as you continue to bathe her. Her skin presses against her ribs, showcasing each indent, and the bony prominences of her shoulders are much more palpable. It worries you to no end. Everyone has different coping mechanisms, but this is by far the unhealthiest one.
In the morrow, you will make it your goal to get her to eat. For a start, you will ask the kitchens to bake her favorite dessert. There has never been a moment where Helaena has refused a berry tart.
"Tilt your head back for me, love," you whisper, grabbing the pitcher of clean water from the table. Brushing Helaena's hair back, you pour the water, being careful not to get it in her eyes.
As she tilts her head back, she keeps her watchful eyes on you. She is in one of the most intimate positions, yet her lilac eyes reveal the most vulnerable parts of herself. You offer Helaena a comforting smile. Moving on from this tragic accident will be difficult, but we have to start somewhere.
When you lather her hair with soap and massage her scalp, she closes her eyes with a shudder. In turn, her shoulders relax, and goosebumps appear across her skin. A quiet moan slipping past her bitten lips.
Moving on to her face, Helaena watches you closely as you grab a rag to wash her face. You're so careful and tender with her. She has not made mention of it, but your touch feels pleasant against her skin.
You dab her neck next, looking over the wound that was cast upon her. You wish for it not to scar. Helaena needs no more reminders of that night.
After finishing the bath, you help her stand and dry off. Then, you follow her to the bed, where her nightgown lies discarded. With your assistance, she quickly slips it on. Helaena is quiet as she dresses; no more tears well up in her eyes.
"Let's brush your hair," you whisper soothingly.
Delicately, you glide the brush through her silver strands. You tackle the knots methodically to prevent pulling on her hair. A couple of drops of rose oil help greatly with the task as the bristles move smoothly across the long length of her hair.
Helaena sighs softly, and, through the mirror, you can see her eyes are closed. The poor thing must be exhausted.
"How are you feeling?" You ask her, tying the plait you weaved and wrapping your arms around her shoulders. You prop your head upon hers, cuddling her into you.
"Better, I suppose," she nods gratefully, grasping your hand hanging loosely across her chest. "I am tired," she admits.
"Let's get you to bed then."
Before you can slip away, Helaena protests and holds your wrist. "No, please." You're taken aback by the desperation in her voice. Why is she refusing to rest when her body begs for it?
"Helaena, when was the last time you slept?"
Helaena appears guilty. She swallows the knot on her throat, preparing to answer. "Not since that night. The nightmares do not allow me respite."
You sit beside her on the bench, keeping a firm grasp on her hand. "Do you wish to speak about them? It might help."
Her voice is barely above a whisper. "It's always the same. They return when the nights darkest and take Jaehaera."
Helaena is terrified. Many of her dreams have become reality, and this is one she would not be able to bear witness to. The things they do in her dreams are unforgivable. She cannot lose her daughter to those monsters.
Silence takes upon the room. Helaena cannot survive in a sleep deprived state, there must be something you can do. "What if we bring her here? She can sleep with you. That way, you will know she's safe."
Helaena ponders your suggestion, her eyes drifting away. "Will you stay?" Although a question the way Helaena's voice cracks, it's more of a plead.
"Is that what you wish, my Queen?" You ask, caressing her cheek so she returns to you from that faraway place in her mind.
She's quick to nod and squeeze your hand in gratitude. "Please," she whispers, leaning into your touch.
"Anything for you."
Helaena accompanies you to Jaehaera's new chambers. The King saw it fit Jaehaera did not reside in the room where her twin brother was murdered. A wise choice.
If your memory serves you well, Jace used to inhabit the space once upon a time.
Helaena almost runs to her daughter's cot, ensuring she's alive and well. You sympathize with her, it's natural to worry about your child if another was stolen from your life.
"Mama," Jaehaera yawns when Helaena picks her up.
"You're sleeping with mummy tonight, yeah?" Helaena whispers, cradling the back of her head and kissing the crown of her head.
Jaehaera, too tired to reason or even question it, nods and nestles into the crook of Haelena's neck. The sight is eerily similar to that fateful night.
The guard posted to protect Jaehaera escorts you to the Queen's chambers, standing on the opposite side of Helaena's white cloak guard.
Once inside, you slip off your robe and join her and Jaehaera on the bed. The girl is safely nestled between you both, pale lashes fluttering shut.
Helaena reaches for your hand to ensure you do not leave, and you lace your fingers with hers. "Sleep, 'Laena. I'll keep you safe," you promise her.
All it takes for Helaena to sleep is a lullaby your mother used to sing to you. It was of great tales of the people of Old Valyria. It was your favorite growing up, and now it is Helaena's.
By the song's end, Helaena's breaths even out and she succumbs to slumber. Although her face reflects her tiredness, the resemblance between Helaena and Jaehaera is stark.
When your eyes begin to close, eager to follow Helaena and Jaehaera to the land of dreams, the door creaks open. Startled, you sit up on the bed to search for an intruder, ready to scream if need be.
Aegon stands by the door, his chest heaving and his face pale. His hair is in disarray, and his eyes are wild with worry. "Where is Jaehaera?" he asks.
"She's right here," you respond, lowering the sheets and moving your body to reveal her resting upon Helaena's chest.
Aegon sighs in relief, and after a moment of hesitation, he timidly steps closer to the bed, observing the scene in front of him. He has taken to visiting his daughter's chambers throughout the night. He doesn't trust the guards, even if he is the one who assigned them. Aegon needs to see with his own eyes that his remaining child is alive and not endangered.
He had been frightened when the guard who was supposed to be posted by her door was gone, and worse, so was his daughter. Before he could scream, a maid walked in and, upon questioning, told him Jaehaera was in the Queen's chambers with her mother and the Princess.
You lay back against the headboard and observe him. He sits on the edge of the bed, reaching over you to brush a strand of hair away from his wife's face. Then, his hand lowers as his fingertip traces the slope of his daughter's nose.
"You should talk to her."
Helaena's words are clear as day in your mind. After witnessing Aegon in the same position, you reckon it would be good if they spoke to one another.
"I wouldn't know what to say," Aegon responds with a shake of his head.
"Yes, you do," you insist, resting your hand upon his, which lays on the bed. He glances questioningly at you, silently asking you to explain.
Your voice is light and soft. The last thing you want is to wake Helaena, although your instincts tell you it is doubtful. "Nobody understands what you're going through better than Helaena. She lost a child as well and feels just as hopeless as you do. Talk to her and tell her the words you would've liked to hear."
"It is that easy?" He asks in disbelief with a scoff. He looks at you for guidance. You've helped him more than anyone in the council or his own mother.
"Yes," you chuckle, and he joins you, if only for a moment. "Would you like me to go so you can stay?" You wouldn't want to intrude in a moment that can unite a family yet again.
Aegon shakes his head and urges you to stay abed. "It is alright. I will soon talk with 'Laena."
For a brief moment, Aegon presses his forehead against yours to show his appreciation. He stands with a press of his lips to your forehead and one more glance at his family. "Thank you for everything. I hope one day I can repay you for all your kindness."
"There's no need."
He does not speak but shares a glance that says a thousand words. Aegon closes the door behind him and turns to the guards standing by it.
Their backs visibly straighten when he addresses them. "Under no circumstance are you to leave your post. Your goal is to protect the Queen and the Princesses."
After all, his heart and soul are in that room.
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STAY WITH US
came out a little longer than aegon but there was much to do with lovely helaena. queen helaena is a big reason as to why i hate alicent so much. alicent has let her down time and time again. how can she fucking ask helaena not to say anything about her and cole? fuck, alicent, she's not even thinking about that.
did you enjoy this one shot? please don’t forget to like or comment (i accept keyboard smashes, emojis, words of encouragement, praise, virtual hugs and alicent and cole slander) and if you want more of it feel free to let me know!
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humanitys-strongest-bamf · 2 years ago
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what you going to school for?
you know i've been asking myself the exact same question
i dunno, social work stuff seems cool
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