#always a favorite time in history to me because so much was happening and shifting and it is also a set up for the middle ages

[lurkingshan]

Unknown Episode 11

Well, let me get this out of the way upfront. This episode brought us to the big moment we've all been waiting for, the final turn in Yuan and Qian's relationship--and unfortunately, it didn't quite land.

I've been sitting with this episode, contemplating my disappointment with the first sequence, and I think it comes down to this show that has been so assured and confident through most of its run faltering at the crucial moment and seeming to lose faith in its own storytelling to the point that it used editing tricks to compensate. The choice to chop up and sequence this narrative lynchpin of a scene out of order is baffling, and it's a choice that significantly stepped on the most important emotional climax of the story. I was confused to go from the conversation outside to a sudden kiss, then disappointed when we cut back to a very short exchange between Qian and Yuan that was supposed to provide the basis for this turn with only some thin dialogue that didn't connect the beats of the scene, and then into an intense sexual encounter (that was constantly interrupted by repetitive flashbacks) that should have felt like a triumphant and revelatory moment but didn't because of the way we got there.

I know I'm not the only one feeling that way, since folks have been creating and distributing reedited versions of the scene, and Youku actually uploaded a new version free on YouTube with all the flashbacks removed (a clear move toward fan appeasement after the show received a lot of negative feedback on the scene). The editing and the flashbacks were annoying, but honestly the fundamental problem was the scene they wrote did not sufficiently sell the change for Qian--he goes from saying he is still not certain what he wants to being ready to be dicked down in a couple minutes' time, with nothing in the exchange providing any new information or impetus for the shift. The performers did great work but unfortunately the writing and directing and editing decisions around this sequence were just bad; it's frustrating for this to happen with arguably the most important scene of the romance.

A note about the novel: the way this final turn happened there was quite different and, candidly, better in just about every way, from the impetus for the change to the beats of the revelation to the progression of physical intimacy on a pace that felt much more attuned to the emotional complexities at play. I do not know why the show did...this when they had better source material content to work with, but here we are. I absolutely recommend that anyone who loves this show read it!

So, with that disappointment expressed, on to the rest of the episode, in which Yuan and Qian settled into their couple era. I was deeply amused by Qian taking to their sex life like a moth to a flame to the point of daydreaming in meetings, but I do wish the episode had focused more on the natural tension and role confusion that should have resulted from this huge shift in their relationship. They touched on that a bit in the scene where Yuan asked Qian if his hug was from his brother or his boyfriend, but they didn't delve into those complexities in the way I hoped they would. I enjoyed their date at the local restaurant (and loved their friendly neighborhood gangster helping to set the mood) and how much it felt like they were surrounded by their history as they moved through all of these familiar locations where they've had important moments. I didn't much care for the insertion of the health scare plot or the time spent on Le and the doc, though I'm always happy for more Sam Lin even if it comes in the form of a weird late stage and wholly unnecessary ship.

My favorite scene between Yuan and Qian in this episode was far and away the discussion on the stairs with Qian reflecting on his fears of becoming more like his mother and Yuan biting him to snap him out of his fatalistic attitude (this felt like such a classic Priest tribute, she always has biting in her romances). It was a helpful re-centering of what they do for each other and why Yuan is an important presence in Qian's life. I didn't think we needed the health scare for Qian, but I did love Qian choosing to go to this place where he found Yuan to contemplate his life and what matters, with Yuan in turn reflecting that even though he's seen a lot more of the world now, he still prefers to come home to this street. I found that exchange so moving and I think it was important for Qian to hear that.

And that scene led to my other favorite thing in this episode, which was everything to do with Lili and her bond with her brothers. I teared up to see her standing against the wall where Qian has measured their growth talking about the sneaky ways she would try to care for Qian when they were younger, with San Pang listening attentively and gazing at her adoringly. It was such a small moment, but a really lovely window into their relationship dynamic and the shared history they also have together. And when Yuan and Qian came in hand in hand and she just ran to them and offered up her love and acceptance, I felt so much warmth for this family and everything they've survived together.

[yamigooops]

DiE4U

“you know that i’d die for, i’d cry for you know that i’d die for you you know that i’d breathe for, i’d bleed for you know that i’d breathe for you” - ‘DiE4U’ by Bring Me the Horizon

summary: when you are given the mission to infiltrate bakugou katsuki’s life and become his lover in order to quietly assassinate him, you never expected it to make your world crumble around you…

words: 16.7k

warnings: enemies to lovers? fluff to angst, main character death, seriously no happy ending, fem reader, oral sex (fem receiving), cockwarming, light impact play (literally one spank), light degradation, unprotected sex (WRAP THAT WILLY FOLKS), general dirty talk… if i missed anything let me know

a/n: i’ve literally worked on this piece for months and now that it’s finally done i don’t know what to do with myself… i cried multiple times while writing it, as it’s literally one of the saddest things i’ve ever read, much less written. so hopefully it makes you cry too because i don’t wanna be the only one. if it does lemme know because i want to know if i hit my goal lol. i’d say enjoy but hopefully you’ll be broken by the end soooo…….

It was always going to end like this. But it was never meant to hurt so badly, was never supposed to be this excruciating. Falling in love wasn’t part of the plan, and now you were paying the price.

It started almost a year ago. May 24th, an unassuming Wednesday afternoon. You’d been on your way home when you fell victim to a villain attack. However, the whole thing lasted hardly any time at all as Pro Hero Dynamight was on the scene in seconds when he heard your panicked scream from just down the street.

Now, it wasn’t his usual protocol to give his number out to victims. But he was so overcome with your beauty and courage in the face of danger that when you asked him for those ten digits he couldn’t help but scribble them down on a scrap of paper you handed him. He hadn’t planned on responding to your messages that night either, yet he found himself doing so anyway. His fingers flew across his screen as he accepted your offer to buy him a coffee the next morning, and the rest is history.

Coffee dates turned into grand dinners, which then became late-night ramen runs to his favorite hole-in-the-wall stalls after spending the night together. His days off were spent in your company, and his closet eventually came to house a small portion of your wardrobe. His bed came to bear two divots instead of just one, and his shower now held more soaps and bath necessities than it ever had in the past.

He invited you into every part of his life, and you tried desperately not to get too attached, knowing it would only hurt more in the long run. But dammit he made it so hard.

Waking up to the feeling of his calloused fingertips running soothing circles at the base of your spine had become one of your favorite feelings in the world. The love he held for you was so apparent in that small action that it nearly broke your heart.

Nearly.

You still had a job to do, and the end date was fast approaching whether you wanted it to or not. The day would come that all of this would come to an abrupt halt, and you’d have to move on with your life as if nothing had happened in the first place, hoping you’d made the right decision and that you could live with yourself after it happened.

But that was for future you to deal with. Right now, you let yourself bask in this soporific atmosphere. Took in the light that spilled through the crack in the curtains. Shifted your feet slightly as you readjusted atop your lover, legs tangled in the soft sheets. His chest rose and fell with the calm tempo of his breath as his heart pumped steadily within it, drumming a beat that you wished would never end.

But the nagging voice in the back of your head reminded you that if all went according to plan that beat would be cut short all too soon.

You adjusted slightly above him, positioning yourself against his bare skin so you could access the thick column of his throat. You placed delicate kisses on the skin there, glossing over the marks blooming from the night before. They’d last a few days at least, and the thought made you grin before you realized they’d likely still be there when you had to…

No, this wasn’t the time to think of that. In a few hours, you’d be on a plane headed to a beautiful destination with your lover. You were going to have the best few days of your life, and you refused to let the future destroy those plans.

“Mornin’ cutie,” Katsuki rumbled, eyes still shut as he continued to trace along your back with all the ease of a man with a day off.

“G’morning love,” you mumbled against his skin. Your fingers delved into his soft, tangled hair as you nipped at his ear, pulling a breathy chuckle from his lips.

“You ready to head to paradise?”

You sighed, nodding. “Boy am I ever. A whole four days of just you, no hero work, no distractions?” You pulled back enough to look at his sleepy, beautiful face. He cracked one eye open to meet your gaze as you hesitated for a moment. “Sounds like a dream come true,” you whispered in awe.

A genuine smile caught the corners of his mouth and tugged, cracking open that all-too-stern expression and giving way to a happier one. An expression you found you could look at from dawn until dusk, one you saw in your dreams. That smile would come to haunt you, but in this moment it was everything you ever needed and more.

Suddenly, he was rolling you over and pressing your back into the mattress, his arms caging you in and his thick thighs framing yours. “You don’t think you’ll get sick of me, huh?” He murmured as he buried his face in your neck, lips brushing your skin ever so lightly. “Don’t think you’ll want some time to yourself?”

You could barely breathe, your head descending into the fog of lust as he slowly ground his – very conveniently—bare hips against yours. His length was already hardening, and the breath caught in your throat as you lifted your hands to run your fingers over his chest. You savored the feeling of his hard muscle, overlayed by countless scars and a dusting of chest hair that you found incredibly attractive.

“And miss out on all this?” You hummed, dragging your nails lightly from his shoulders down over his pecs before looping your arms under his and caressing his back, pulling him closer. “Why would I ever do that?”

“Haven’t you heard, baby?” He moved farther down your neck, his lips dusting over your collarbones as he continued. “I must be ‘brutish and savage in bed, a complete asshole of a partner.’ Because the tabloids know everything, after all.” He made it to the valley of your breasts, and you unhooked your arms from him before winding them through his hair once more.

“And who said I don’t like assholes, hmm?” Your back arched involuntarily as he pressed a particularly sweet kiss against your sternum, sending shivers up your spine.

He chuckled above you before shoving the duvet off the both of you with a huff and readjusting. He pulled each of your legs up one at a time, kissing from your knee up the inside of your thigh before switching to the other with a shit-eating grin at your needy whine. Before he reached your core after the second leg, he grabbed a pillow and eased both of your legs over his shoulders. He then slid the pillow beneath your hips and settled down on his elbows and stared at the scene before him. He had a look similar to reverence in his eyes as his hands soothed over your hips and stomach, and it had your heart fluttering in your chest.

“Why’re you looking at me like that,” you mumbled, trying not to sound too needy or embarrassed, but knowing you didn’t succeed at either.

“Just taking in the meal before I dig in.” His voice sent a thrill through you, and you didn’t even mind the use of a cheesy line when he said it like that – with such intensity and love that it made you want to melt into a puddle before he had even started.

But then he began, and digging in could hardly explain what he was doing to you. He savored you, taking his time working you up with languid swirls and strokes of his tongue. He switched between stimulating your clit and delving as deep into your depths as possible. When you got too used to one method he would jump back over to the other to keep you on your toes, which were currently curled as your heels dug into his back.

The breaking point was after he slipped two fingers into you, easing them in and out of your slick hole as his tongue worked on that sweet bundle at the apex of your thighs. Your grip on his hair had him moaning against your aching sex, and with one strategic curl of his fingers, he had you crumbling. Had you been standing your legs would have given out completely. The sound he ripped out of you was primal, almost animalistic, and as he worked you through your orgasm you saw your life with this man play out on the backs of your eyelids.

You’d get married in the next few years, and have a kid or two. He would continue with his hero work but would cut back on it a bit to be there for his family. You would put your children through all of the best schools, and make sure they got the best educations possible, so they’d have the opportunity to be whatever they wanted when they grew up. Katsuki would eventually retire, and once your children were all grown up and moved out you’d go somewhere magical, maybe even travel the world together.

But as the euphoria left your veins and Katsuki moved to hover over you, your essence glistening on his lips and chin, you reminded yourself to stay in this moment. To not get too far ahead of yourself. That would only bring more pain. And right now, you were about to get your brains fucked out.

As the two of you sat together on the private jet later that day, Katsuki’s hand rested on your bare thigh, his thumb stroking the soft skin there as he skimmed through a few work files with the other hand.

“Hey, I thought you said no work on vacation. Didn’t your sidekicks even yell at you to take a break?” You huffed, leaning your head against his shoulder with a pout on your lips.

He chuckled, squeezing the meat of your thigh lightly. “I said no work on vacation. I never said anything about on the way to vacation.” He pressed a kiss to your hair before returning to the documents. “Besides, what else is there to do to pass the time? It’s not like we can throw a party with just the two of us.”

You sighed, relegating yourself to spending so much of your remaining time with the man of your dreams watching him read through reports before the most obvious solution came to mind.

“Well,” you started, rising from your seat, and easing the tray above his lap off to the side as you stepped in front of him. “It might not be a party, but as you said, it’s just the two of us…” Thankfully the two of you had been seated on a couch along the side of the cabin, so there was ample room to place your knees on either side of his thighs. You pulled up your thin, flowy dress enough that it wasn’t caught beneath you as you settled on his lap, knees folded beneath you. Your hands found the sides of his face as you stroked at his cheeks, smoothing out his scowl lines as you gave him a soft, flirty smile.

“Besides, I heard there’s some club you get to join? The sky-high club – something like that…”

He placed his hands loosely on your waist, tilting his head slightly to look at you with hooded eyes and an emerging smirk. “The mile-high club, you mean?”

“Yeah,” you smiled, letting the word slide off your glossed lips like honey. “That one. Never done it before. Wanted to do it with you on that last flight, but it was too crowded. What better time than now when we have the whole plane to ourselves?” As you spoke, you ground your hips against his ever so slowly. The friction wasn’t enough to do much, just enough to try to convince him to follow up.

“Baby,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “I wanted to get this shit done before we landed so I didn’t have to worry about anything while we’re there…”

“That’s okay, I can sit still,” you shrugged. “Just… need you so bad.” Your glossy pout was working its magic, grinding him down until he couldn’t say no and gave you whatever you wanted. And right now, that was him. Inside you. For as long as he would allow, or until one of you broke. Whichever came first.

He raised a brow, looking at you skeptically. “You seriously think you can do it?” He lowered his voice, gripping your chin and tugging you closer until you could feel his minty breath on your cheeks. “Remember last time, when you wouldn’t listen, and I had to discipline you? And over my desk too,” he tsked, shaking his head in disappointment.

You shook your own in response. “No, I promise. I can do it. I just need you so bad,” you begged, your hands slipping down to grip the fabric of his shirt.

“You really think you’ll last? I mean, we still have…” He looked down to check his watch for the time. “Two and a half hours. You think you can make it two whole hours? If you can, you get to do whatever you want for the last half hour. But if not, that thirty minutes will be punishment. You up for it?”

You nodded vigorously, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from squirming in excitement. “I can, I promise. Just need you, please.”

He stared at you heatedly for a moment, one brow raised in a look that would have weaker women on their knees. But as you sat there with that pleading look in your eyes, he caved and nodded. “Alright then,” he huffed, as if this wasn’t something he was going to enjoy immensely as well.

With that, you excitedly reached down to tug down the front of his joggers, finding a bulge there already and grinning in excitement. As you eased out his cock, you found it flushed and leaking, already prepared to impale you. It sent a rush of heat through you, and you resisted the urge to lick your lips at the sight of it.

Standing briefly, you rid yourself of your lacy panties, the ones Kats had insisted you wear, simply for ease and comfort. Returning to your spot on his lap, you took him in your hand and guided his cock to your cunt. You were already soaked, the banter and anticipation getting to you more than you’d anticipated. You ran him through your folds a few times to coat his length in your essence, and you tried to keep from grinning at his little sighs of pleasure and the way his hands tightened their grip on your hips.

When you were satisfied, you raised on your knees and aligned his tip with your entrance before looking him in the eye and impaling yourself on his thick cock. You moved so slowly it made your thighs burn, but the way his eyelids fluttered, and his brows knit together at the feeling was more than worth it. Inch by glorious inch, he disappeared into your silky depths. That full feeling that you always craved was so satisfying you could cry, but you couldn’t give him that satisfaction. At least not this early into it.

As you came to rest back on his thighs, you found it a little hard to breathe. You felt so stuffed you could hardly think, much less form coherent sentences. He was nestled so deep inside of you that you could nearly feel him in your throat, the head of his dick pressed snuggly against your cervix. So, you were grateful when he took your chin in his fingers and tugged you forward to press a soft, chaste kiss to your lips before tucking you against his chest.

As he moved to retrieve the documents on the tray you’d moved earlier, you readjusted, moving so your legs were slightly more comfortable and your dress wasn’t pulled tight beneath you. His hand was seemingly faster than a bullet as it came down on your plush ass, the sound loud and abrupt in the quiet space of the cabin. Even with the covering of your dress it still stung like a bitch, but the moan that spilled from your throat was undeniably one of pleasure.

“I thought I said no moving,” he growled in your ear.

“I-I was ju-” you choked out, breath coming in short gasps as you tried to regain the ability to speak clearly. After swallowing and taking a few deep breaths you finally got the words out. “Was just getting comfy,” you whimpered meekly, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “Didn’t mean to squirm so much, ‘m sorry.”

He sighed before the same hand which had inflicted the pain came to soothe it. “Alright, I’m sorry. Thought you were trying to pull one over on me. Just… warn me next time. And let me know if your legs fall asleep, okay? We can readjust if you need.” There was genuine care in his voice, and it nearly brought tears to your eyes as his hand stroked over your throbbing skin.

As you nodded, he retrieved the documents from earlier and returned to reading them. You, on the other hand, had only him to entertain you. But that was more than enough, as you soaked in the feeling of him against you, inside you, wrapped all around you and engulfing you in his scent and his presence. This man had truly become your entire world in less than a year, and that should scare you more than it did, especially knowing what was to come.

But as his warmth and love enveloped you, there wasn’t enough room for all of the worry and doubt, so you cast it aside in favor of soaking him in instead.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

 The fading sunlight shone through the leaves of the thick foliage as you stood on the balcony of your treehouse escape. It was a cozy place, an A-frame cottage held aloft in the trees near the shore of a small river, but it was secluded and comfortable. And the best part was that it was all the way over in Washington state, where no one knew who the two of you were. Here you could just be normal people instead of getting swarmed by paparazzi wherever you went. Thankfully both of you had a good grasp of the English language, so everything thus far had gone smoothly. You were just happy to be away from all the chaos of the daily hero life back home.

But could you actually call it that? Home? Surely it had begun to feel that way. But given everything that would transpire in the coming days you weren’t sure you deserved to use that term.

Again, you tried to push those thoughts out of your mind and remain in the current moment. The air was crisp here, and the sky shone with emerging stars and the fading glow of twilight as you sipped on your glass of wine. With a sigh you turned around to face inside, where you could see Katsuki standing with his back to you as he cooked dinner for the two of you. The sight of him nearly brought tears to your eyes. To see him so raw, so unguarded and pure, made you want to forgo everything you’d been directed to do and run away with him. But you knew they’d only send someone even worse to finish the job.

At least you would make it as painless as possible.

Throwing back the rest of your wine in the futile hope that it would give you the courage to face him, you pushed off the balcony rail and headed back inside. The tiny living space was warmly lit with a plush couch, a small kitchen, and a quaint dining area. There was a metal spiral staircase leading up to the second floor, which only extended over the kitchen, leaving the space over the living area wide open. The entire wall facing the river was glass, providing an unimpeded view of the forest beyond. Upstairs was a simple area, with just a king-sized bed and huge skylights opening up to reveal the night sky above you. It was gorgeous.

The perfect place to kill your lover, you thought sadly. It was quiet and remote, a ten-minute drive from the next closest home and a twenty-minute drive from the closest town. There would be ample time to dispose of his body and clean the crime scene before anyone suspected anything, and you’d easily be able to disappear into a new country where you’d form a new identity and escape the bonds of the organization you’d been forced to serve since you were a child.

You only wished you’d be able to take him with you.

“Whatcha cookin’?” Your voice was soft in the wooded structure, the natural materials and fabrics everywhere absorbing any echo that may occur.

“Just some ramen, nothing special. Didn’t have time to get much from the store, so we’ll have to go tomorrow and do some shopping.” He sounded so at ease at the stove, and you couldn’t help but step behind him and wrap your arms around his slim waist. You pressed your lips to his spine between his shoulder blades, and he sighed gently, placing his free hand atop yours.

“I’m sure it’s gonna be delicious anyway,” you smiled, resting your forehead against his back, and closing your eyes. You would give anything in the world to live like this for the rest of your life.

“You like my food no matter what, babe. I’m starting to think you’re just saying that to stroke my ego,” he chuckled. The sound was warm as it bubbled out of his chest and brought a genuine smile to your lips.

“And have you get an even bigger head than you already have?” You teased, your fingers slipping beneath the grey t-shirt he wore to skim along his stomach. “If it gets much bigger you’ll be the most insufferable man alive. I mean, you’re already the number two hero for fuck’s sake.”

He let the spoon he was stirring with rest against the side of the pot and slowly turned around in your arms. Coming to face you, he slipped his hands beneath your ears to caress your face with his large, calloused hands. It always surprised you just how gentle those hands could be, that while they could do so much damage, they were also capable of such love, such soft touch.

“To hell with all that bullshit. All I need is you,” he replied carefully, almost shyly. “I’m nothing without you, Y/N. You keep me sane, keep me grounded. I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

As you stared into those claret eyes you felt your chest tighten and your stomach tumble over itself. It wasn’t often that he shared his emotions so honestly, but every time he did it made you want to cry.

“Katsuki… I-”

He cut you off with a kiss on the forehead and a thumb brushing across your bottom lip. “I don’t think you fully get it. Every time I come home having been unable to save people, having been beaten within an inch of my life, and I get to see you there waiting for me? Waiting to love me and take care of me? There ain’t a single better feeling I’ve ever felt.” His lips brushed your forehead as he spoke, his fingers running across the skin of your jaw and neck and lips as if he didn’t know what else to do with them.

“Before you I had nothing. I’m pretty sure half my friends didn’t even really like me, the media was up my ass about every little thing I did, I hadn’t seen my family in years… My life fuckin’ sucked before I met you.” He pulled back just enough to look you in the eyes, and your heart cracked as you found tears in those burning eyes. “Then I saved you on the street that day, and everything started to get better. I know I suck at saying this stuff out loud, but you brought love into my life, and I can never fuckin’ thank you enough for that.”

Everything was quiet for a long moment as you simply looked at one another, drinking in the moment and the soft bubbling of the ramen and the chirping of the crickets outside. Your fingers clutched at the material of his shirt as you fought back your own tears.

“I don’t know what to say, Kats,” you murmured into the quiet.

He smiled slightly, leaning down to rest his forehead on yours. “That’s usually my role.”

You chuckled softly, closing your eyes, and reveling in the feeling of his hands against your skin, his breath on your cheeks. “I wish I could protect you too, Kats,” you whispered. “I wish I could keep all the bad things from you, but sometimes I feel so helpless… Like you’re the only one doing the work here.”

At this, he straightened and guided you into his chest. His arms enclosed you and his warmth seeped into your very being as he rested his cheek against your hair. “You do protect me though,” he replied after a moment of thought. “You give me the strength to keep fighting. You give me something to live for, and that’s enough to keep me from giving up. I’ve never felt stronger than when you came into my life.”

The tears which had been pooling in your eyes finally slipped past your lashes as you buried your face in his chest. His words had you rethinking everything you’d been directed to do, had you second guessing whether you’d really be able to carry through with it. In that moment you didn’t think you could. He had wormed his way into the heart you had once thought to be dead and had brought you back to life. As much as you had tried to keep that from happening he had somehow slipped past the guard you had so meticulously built over the course of your life to keep anyone and everyone from seeing what was inside. From seeing just how broken you really were.

But he had seen that chaos and ruin inside of you and started to rebuild you. He hadn’t shied away like so many others, but instead worked with you to improve and heal. Because he had a great deal of healing to do as well, so the mutual understanding you formed helped both of you.

“I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” you breathed into his chest, keeping your words just audible and allowing them to be muffled in his chest as you cried into it. His arms tightened around you as he kissed your head.

“You’ve got me, love. Until death do us part, or whatever the saying is. Besides, I’m not going anywhere anyway.”

You allowed yourself to keep crying, mourning the man you had come to love as you finally let it settle in that in a few days he’d no longer be there to comfort you. And the worst part was that he had no idea that his words hit so close to home.

The last three days had been absolutely magical. Spending so much quality alone time with Katsuki was like living a dream. You spent that time hiking, tasting local cuisine, lounging together, and of course, fucking like animals. He’d taken you on practically every surface in the house, and even convinced you to skinny dip with him in the jacuzzi outside, promising that the property was secluded enough that no one would see. That of course turned into a passionate few rounds of heated sex.

It was the final night the two of you had together, having rented the property until tomorrow afternoon, and you planned on taking advantage of every second you had left. He currently had you on your knees as he languidly thrust into you from behind. Your cries and moans were muffled by the mattress, and he kissed and bit at the back of your neck as he murmured such sweet words into your ear.

“Ah, fuck baby. Still so tight for me even after all this,” he growled lowly. His left hand gripped the meat of your hip as the right held your hair off to the side to expose your face and neck. “God, you were fuckin made for me.”

“Kats, need m-more,” you whined, your fingers tangling in the sheets. His thrusts were slow but powerful, and each one hit so deep you rapidly lost the ability to think coherently.

“Yeah? You need more, you greedy little thing? Tell me what you need. Can’t give you more if you don’t tell me.” He bit at your shoulder, sucking what you were sure was a deep purple mark as you tried to gather your scattered thoughts.

“Harder,” you pleaded. “F-faster. Please!”

His moan had a thrill running through you from head to toe. “Fuck baby, that what you want? Want me to fuck you into the mattress?”

“Yes! Please, need you so bad!”

He gave a particularly harsh thrust before stilling deep inside you. You whined at the loss of friction, but his fingers snaked around your hip to find your clit, where it started applying such sweet pressure.

“I don’t know sweetheart, I’m getting a little tired,” he murmured into your ear. “Kinda wanna see you put in a bit of effort, know what I mean?”

You groaned, feeling yourself rapidly falling down the hill of pleasure he had so tentatively built up. “Just need you, Kats, I’ll do anything.”

“Yeah?” Katsuki’s voice was playful as he released your hair and wrapped his right arm firmly across your chest. He then rolled to the right and switched positions, placing you atop him before coming to grip your hips, which were still impaled on his thick cock. “Then show me, pretty girl. Show me how bad you want it.”

You moved to turn around to face him, but his hands tightened on your waist, hindering your movement. “Wanna see you, Kats,” you cried, looking back at him.

He had a sly smile on those kiss-swollen lips that had your stomach churning. “But I wanna watch you like this. Just for a bit at least. C’mon baby, you’re a big girl. You can hold out a little longer, can’t you?” His tone was taunting, almost like he wanted you to fight him on it to see what he would do. But your nerves steeled at his words, and you narrowed your eyes.

“Fine, be that way,” you hissed, turning back around, and placing your hands on his thighs. “I’ll do it myself then.” You began grinding your hips against his, your fingers digging into the firm muscle of his legs. They were so thick you could barely fit a hand across the top of them, and the thought of grinding against them was almost tempting enough to leave his cock behind.

But not quite enough.

You slowly raised yourself onto your knees before dropping back down quickly, repeating the process over and over as your fingers found your clit and started working it. As good as Katsuki was with the little bundle of nerves, you knew your body better than anyone, knew which patterns and how much pressure would work yourself up the fastest. So, the added stimulation of his cock impaling you and his hands working the fat of your ass and hips had you falling into the throes of pleasure faster than usual.

As your head fell back, your mouth hanging open in a silent moan, Katsuki threaded his thick, calloused fingers through your hair and tugged. Your back arched as your free hand flew back to support yourself on his solid stomach. He began thrusting up into you, his movements matching yours and coaxing you to move faster and faster. The loud squelching of arousal mixed with your breathy moans and his deep growls to create a symphony of debauchery that had your head spinning and your chest heaving.  

You drew closer and closer to the edge of pleasure as he thrust ever more vigorously into your silky, creamy depths, and you were growing louder by the second. His knees came up as he gave himself more leverage to pound into you even harder, and you were falling apart in his arms before he knew it.

You nearly screamed at the shattering of the dam inside you, pleasure washing over you like a tsunami as he continued pumping in and out of you. You faintly registered his words as he coaxed you through your release.

“Fuck yeah baby, let it all out,” he groaned. “Shit, that pussy’s gonna squeeze the life outta me.”

Your legs had turned to jelly, but you tried your best to match his movements as he chased his own high. You could tell by the tension in his stomach and the shortness of his breath that he was getting close. But the growing overstimulation had you crying atop him as he pounded into you from below, his hands both firmly grasping your hips to help you bounce on his cock like a pliant little fuck toy.

“Goddammit, so fuckin close,” he cried, your moans and pleas driving him ever closer to the breaking point.

“I fucking love you, Bakugou Katsuki!” You couldn’t hold back the words even as your nerves were overwhelming you with painful pleasure, even as his fingers dug into your flesh and your insides burned with his passion.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. In a rush of pleasure and adoration, he fell off the cliff and into the depths of hedonism. Like a floodgate being opened you were filled with heat, his hips stilling beneath you as a loud, beautiful moan tore out of his chest. You wished you could see his face, but you were too overwhelmed to even think about looking behind you.

Easing his length in and out of your leaking cunt a few more times to draw out his climax, his hands ran over your hips and bottom. They warmed slightly with his quirk to soothe the forming and past bruises there as you both heaved for air.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he huffed, easing you down against his chest. Your skin stuck together with a sheen of sweat, but you couldn’t care less. You simply basked in the feeling of his arms around you and his chest moving beneath you and his heart racing against your ribcage.

“Fuck indeed,” you breathed, reaching behind you to thread your fingers through his damp hair. He sighed heavily at the feeling, his chest lifting you and easing you back down.

“I could die right now a happy man,” he chuckled, his hands roaming your chest and stomach and hips.

His words had your heart dropping in your chest. Did he know? Was he aware of your plans, your mission? Did he figure out that you had been tasked to get close to him so you could assassinate him and rid the world of the shining light he cast in hopes of snuffing out the shadows of villainy?

But how could he? You had never said anything, were a trained assassin, had been taught everything there was to know about stealth, misdirection, infiltration, all of that. And you’d been trained since the age of 6 when you’d been found abandoned on the streets by one of the worst criminal organizations in Japan. The whole situation which led to your “chance meeting” had been a ploy strategically executed where he’d been patrolling that day. Your quirk, “Comply,” had been perfect for this mission because it helped you convince him to give you his number, to let you into his life. But you’d stopped using it months ago when you realized he might truly like you, maybe even love you.

And that’s the part that hurt the most.

Both of your feelings had become genuine, and now you were about to betray that love, that trust, and kill him. And it had to be done tonight. There wasn’t much time left, despite wishing you’d had more of it. But as you’d told yourself so many times before, if you didn’t do it someone else would. And they would make it much worse for him than you would.

“Don’t say that Kats. You don’t know what that means,” you pleaded softly. You tried to focus on the feeling of his softening cock inside you, tried to get your mind to shift to any topic but this as you prayed he would drop the subject. But to no avail.

“But I would. If it meant keeping you safe I would take a bullet to the heart,” he whispered into your ear, placing soft kisses on the shell of it.

You reluctantly rolled off his chest and onto the sheets beside him, resting on your elbows as you looked at him. “Don’t make me think about that, please.” Your eyebrows came together as you begged him to stop, and he looked at you with wide eyes, surprised at your response.

“Y/N, I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he tried to comfort you, easing onto his side, and placing his hand on the back of your head. “But I would still do everything in my power to protect you, you know that, right?”

You nodded sadly, looking down at your hands. “I know you would,” you mumbled. And that’s the problem, you added in your head. Taking a breath, you shook your head slightly to try and clear it. “It’s fine. Let’s just not talk about you dying, yeah?” You looked at him once more, and he nodded with a small smile. “Ok, good. Now I’m gonna go shower and make us some tea.”

“You want me to join you?” Katsuki raised one brow suggestively as the hand he had on the back of your hand traveled downward along your spine, eventually making its way to pinch your ass. You flinched slightly before huffing and pushing back onto your knees out of his reach.

“No dummy, we just went 3 rounds. My poor vagina needs a break. Plus, if you do that we’ll never get out. I wanna watch a movie or something before we have to leave tomorrow. We never get to do that.”

He sighed, “Yeah, guess you’re not wrong. I’ll take one after you.”

You nodded before scrunching your nose playfully. “Good, because you’re stinky. Don’t wanna cuddle with you till you smell good.”

He looked like he wanted to shoot back with a snarky comment, but you scrambled off the bed and clambered down the stairs before he could do that. Heading to the small bathroom, you turned on the shower and looked at yourself in the mirror above the sink. Your hair was a mess, and your neck, shoulders, and chest were all covered in bite marks and hickeys. You ran your fingers over them, noting their positions as they were likely the last ones you’d ever receive. You weren’t sure you’d ever be able to love after Katsuki. You weren’t even sure you’d want to.

Looking down at your hips, you found his fingers had left behind small bruises from how hard he had loved on you, and you found yourself smiling sadly at them. As you stepped into the shower, you let your hand roam between your legs, finding the entire area wet and sticky with a mixture of both of your cum. The fluid was milky and thick, and you couldn’t help but place one finger on your tongue and suck it clean before the water washed away the rest of it. It was salty, the aftertaste earthy and heady.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, you tried to rid your mind of your love and adoration for this man and tried to focus on the task at hand. You started by cleaning yourself, moving through your shower routine almost robotically. You couldn’t think of all the showers you’d taken with Katsuki in the past, couldn’t remember the feeling of his fingers against your scalp as he helped wash your hair, or how he would drag your loofa across your skin and down between your legs in the aftermath of a hot round of sex. If you thought about those things you would lose the nerve to go through with your plan and would lose this prime opportunity.

Turning off the water, you stepped out onto the warm wooden floor and wrapped yourself in a fluffy towel. You didn’t clear the mirror of fog as you normally would because you knew you wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of yourself right now. Instead, you just dried yourself off and slid into the silk camisole and shorts you’d brought with you. Opening the door, you turned toward the kitchen and found Katsuki in his full naked glory standing at the counter with a pot on the stove, making what you assumed to be popcorn.

“Makin’ snacks for our movie?” You asked, even though you knew the answer.

He nodded, watching as you found the kettle and filled it with enough water for two cups of tea. “Well you can’t have a movie night without popcorn, idiot,” he replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I can finish it,” you gestured toward the pot handle. “You can go shower. It’ll be ready by the time you’re done.” You’d be lying if you said you didn’t use a hint of your quirk there, needing him to be in the shower so you could prepare for what was to come.

“Ok, just make sure you don’t burn it,” he smiled, grabbing the sweats and tee he had brought down with him.

“I won’t burn it you doof,” you rolled your eyes and took the handle he offered you. “Go shower so you don’t stink anymore.”

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” he groaned, putting his hands up in surrender. He chuckled as he made his way to the bathroom, however, he stopped outside the door to turn and look at you with a sly grin on his lips. “You should order me around more. It’s kinda hot.”

You felt your cheeks warm at his words and looked down at the pot in front of you. He laughed at that, and made his way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. As you heard the water turn on, you waited a few moments until you were sure he’d gotten in before making your move. Using all the stealth you’d learned over your years of working for villain organizations you made your way upstairs. Since you’d been here for a few days you knew where the stairs and floor were creaky, so you carefully avoided those areas.

Picking your way over to your bag, you reached into an inside pocket where you had a bottle that held pain relief pills. Pouring them into your hand, you searched for the one that looked different, just slightly off-white compared to the white pain relief pills. Making your way quickly back downstairs as the popcorn began popping, you retrieved two mugs from the cupboard and dropped the tablet in the left mug.

The water was just coming to a boil as you placed the tea bags in each mug. Shaking the popcorn pot once more, you filled both mugs, starting with the left one to give the tablet ample time to dissolve. It was a neurotoxin that was colorless, tasteless, and odorless. Mixed with the tea, it would kill him within minutes. That would give you enough time to hopefully explain the situation and get the guilt off your chest, at least as much as possible. It would always be there, and you’d simply have to live with that.

Pouring out some of the popcorn into a large bowl, you recovered it and placed it back on the stove to let the rest of it pop. Your heartbeat was slowly increasing as you stirred the teas, watching as the tablet dissolved and mixed with the hot beverage. As the water turned off in the bathroom, you poured out the rest of the popcorn, took a deep breath, and placed the pot in the sink.

You heard the door open a few minutes later to reveal a freshly cleaned Bakugou Katsuki as he rubbed at his hair to dry it. The strands were soft and damp beneath the towel, and you wanted nothing more than to run your fingers through them and kiss him silly. He looked so at peace in his light grey sweats and t-shirt, and if you ignored what you were about to do to him you could imagine you really were just about to sit down and have a nice movie night together.

“It doesn’t smell like burnt popcorn,” he chuckled as he stepped beside you and looked at the white snack. “I’d say that’s a win.”

“Katsu, that was one time,” you whined, putting your hand on his face, and pushing him away playfully.

He laughed heartily, grabbing you by the wrist and gently pulling you against him. “Babe, you almost caught the whole kitchen on fire. There’s a reason I’m the one who does most of the cooking.”

“I do some of it,” you huffed, pouting dramatically. “And I haven’t caught anything on fire since then.”

He shook his head, still grinning. “No, I suppose you haven’t. Still doesn’t mean you’re a master in the kitchen though.”

“Yeah, well, I’m better than I used to be so that’s something.” You shrugged against his chest.

“It is, I’ll give you that. You’re a very good sous chef.”

Sighing, you pulled back enough to look up at him. “Okay. Here’s the big question: what should we watch?”

He chuckled, shaking his head slightly as he leaned back against the counter, his hands coming to rest on your hips. “I don’t know, you got anything in mind?”

You pretended to think, already knowing your answer. “Not sure… What’s your favorite movie ever? You’re into sappy romance shit, right?”

Katsuki scoffed, brows nearly meeting in the middle as he scowled at you. “N-No, where would you get that idea?”

“That right there would be my answer,” you grinned, noting his stutter. “So, what’s your fave? The Notebook? Titanic?”

He growled, eyes looking anywhere but your own as his cheeks glowed a faint, lovely shade of pink. “None of that shit, idiot,” he grumbled. “It- it’s Totoro…” The final words were nearly too quiet to hear, but you caught them, nonetheless.

“My Neighbor Totoro?” You clarified, and he nodded shallowly. “Well, that’s great, because that’s my comfort movie. So, we’re watching that.”

He sighed, leaning his head back in mock defeat. “If you insist,” he groaned dramatically. A chuckle slipped from your lips, which you briefly pressed against the pulse beating in his neck, savoring the feel of it while you still could.

“I do. Now let’s go get cozy and watch that shit.” You reached behind him to grab the bowl of popcorn and took him by the hand, half dragging and half guiding him toward the couch. You purposely left the mugs of tea on the counter, hoping to get just a little more time with him before the end.

As you placed the bowl on the coffee table, he flopped onto the couch, making sure to take up as much room as possible as a shit-eating grin spread across his face. As you turned to sit, you placed your hands on your hips and tried your best to look annoyed as a smile tugged at the corners of your own mouth.

“And where am I supposed to sit?”

He spread his arms and made grabby hands, a gesture he only made once in a blue moon when he was feeling particularly domestic. “Right here, obviously.”

With a playful huff, you climbed aboard, straddling his hips as you settled atop his chest. It took some adjusting, as the piece of furniture wasn’t all that big, but eventually you found a comfortable position where no limbs should fall asleep, and you were nestled squarely in his arms. He had even managed to spread a blanket over the both of you.

“You’re my very own weighted blanket,” he chuckled as you used the remote to search for the movie.

“And you’re my own personal space heater, so I guess we’re even,” you retorted, poking him in the cheek. You selected the movie and placed the remote on the table before you, realizing that the popcorn you had made was somewhat inaccessible due to the position the two of you were in. You decided to leave it there in favor of spending the remainder of your time with Katsuki tangled up together. You couldn’t be bothered to worry about the white snack when he was so all-encompassing anyway.

“Shush, dumbass. The movie is starting,” he quipped, hand coming up to flick you on the tip of the nose. You playfully huffed and swatted at his hand, before returning your own to rest atop his shoulder. He was right, though. The opening scene played, and you hummed along to the song that introduced the movie.

As it played out before you, it took everything in you to not cry. Knowing this was the last bit of time you’d be spending with him had a sense of finality to it that you wished you never had to feel in the first place. As his fingers eased their way beneath your silken shirt, he ran them across your skin at a pace that would have anyone else falling asleep in his arms. But your current predicament had your nerves on fire and your mind racing, even as one of the most calming movies you’d ever seen played out before you.

Very few words were spoken as you reveled in each other’s presence. You weren’t sure you’d even be able to form words as the lump in your throat grew nearly unbearable. You could hardly breathe, and you knew that at any point you could break down in tears. Nevertheless, you had to stay strong-willed and determined. This had to be done tonight, by you, or it would just be so much worse for both of you.

“I love you, Katsuki. You know that, right?” You mumbled the words against Katsuki’s chest as the movie neared its conclusion.

“Course I do, little one.” His voice was soft as one of his hands came to rest on the back of your hair.

“No, like I really love you. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore, and I am terrified of the day I lose you. Whether that’s tomorrow or fifty years from now. It’s going to be the worst day of my life.”

He sighed, drawn out and thoughtful. His fingernails ran gently over your scalp, and you allowed your eyes to fall shut at the feeling. “What’s got your mind going to such a dark place, baby?”

You were silent for a moment, hoping to make it a bit closer to the end of the movie before starting to give anything away in the slightest. After all, he hadn’t ingested any of the neurotoxin yet, so you couldn’t raise any suspicions yet.

“I don’t know, I just get really worried sometimes when I see you on the news fighting all these shitty villains. Even though I know you’re stronger than them, I can never stop wondering if one of these days someone is going to get the upper hand and seriously hurt you.” You gripped the material of his shirt as you whispered the next words. “Or even kill you. I would fall apart. Sometimes the thought makes my chest hurt so bad I have to go somewhere quiet and just cry.” Your words weren’t a lie, but you couldn’t tell him that you were going to be the person about to get said upper hand.

Katsuki took in your words seriously, letting them sink in as the end credits began to roll. You could practically hear the gears in his head whizzing as he formulated some kind of answer that might ease your worries. But that was a difficult thing to do when you loved someone as much as you loved each other, and one member of the relationship was constantly putting themselves in danger’s way for their career.

“Do you believe in me?”

His response made you pause. Of course, you believed in him. You knew that this man could do anything he put his brilliant mind to. He could solve any problem, defeat any villain, save any person he wanted to. But what would he do against a poison that would kill him within minutes in such a remote place? The antidote would be nowhere near close enough to save him in time as you had brought none with you. So, while you believed in him in every other situation imaginable, you couldn’t say you did in this particular instance.

“Of course I do,” you murmured.

The hand which had been running along the length of your spine came to ease your head up to face him, your chin resting against his collarbone. Tears had begun to sting your eyes as you looked at his own determined ones.

“Then I need you to trust that I will always come back for you,” he stated, his tone indicating that he took those words as a fact. Those words weren’t just a flimsy promise, but an oath. And that was what had your tears falling yet again. They slipped from the corners of your glassy eyes and cascaded down your cheeks, only to be brushed away by careful, comforting fingers.

“But what about the day that you don’t? What do I do then? Where will blind faith get me when I’m standing here alone without you?” Your bottom lip trembled as you whispered your fears into the quiet between you. “You are my compass, Katsuki. I’m lost without you.”

“Y/N, even after I’m dead and gone I will still be with you. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m too much of a stubborn bastard to let something as trivial as death separate us, right?” He tried to sound upbeat, obviously eager to get off the topic of his inevitable fate but still hoping to ease your worries.

A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you let him wipe the last of your tears away. “Yeah, sounds like you.”

“And here you are doubting my resolve like a damn idiot,” he grinned softly. “Why don’t we go grab some fresh tea and we can head up and read or cuddle before bed, yeah?”

You nodded, trying to ignore the way your stomach dropped at the reminder of the tea. “Yeah, that sounds nice. ‘Bout time we get off this tiny damn couch.”

He chuckled, easing the blanket off your body, and helping you maneuver off his chest and onto solid ground. As you stretched your arms above your head to get the blood flowing once more, he reached over to place a playful smack on the exposed skin of your ass. Whipping around to give a halfhearted glare, you were greeted with the sight of a sly grin and adoring eyes as he tucked his hands behind his head and crossed his legs against the arm of the couch.

“Just admiring the view, babe. Can’t go around lookin’ like that and expect me to keep my hands to myself the whole time.”

Rolling your eyes, you fought a smile as you made your way to the counter. Now came the moment of truth. You’d thought over how you would approach getting him to drink the tea throughout the entire movie and had come up with what you hoped was a decent plan. You opened the microwave door and picked up both mugs, placing them on the glass dish inside. You placed his with the handle facing the wall of the device while the handle of yours pointed toward the center of the dish. That way, even if they were in a different position when the timer went off you’d still be able to tell which was which.

“No, no, no. What the hell are you doing, dumbass?” He called from the couch as he sat up. You turned to grin at him.

“I figured that while in America we should do as the Americans, just once. I want to see how it turns out,” you giggled. “I’ve seen people trying it on TikTok and I wanted to do it myself. And I’m making you do it with me.”

Katsuki scoffed, nose scrunching up at the thought. “The thought that you’re about to microwave that shit when you could make a perfectly good cup in five minutes is repulsive.” He grunted softly as he stood, following your lead, and stretching languidly. As he did, his shirt rose and exposed how dangerously low riding his sweats were. The dark trail of hair disappearing beneath them had your mouth watering, clouding your mind briefly before he dropped his arms, and you snapped back to reality.

Turning back to the microwave, you shut the door and set it for a minute before hitting start. That should be enough time to get the liquid piping hot, enough to get him to wait until you were upstairs to drink it. Though Katsuki was notorious for drinking his beverages at a much higher temperature than the average person, so you planned to carry it upstairs yourself anyway.

“When in Rome, do as the Romans, right?” As the plate started spinning you kept your grip on the door handle, needing to hold onto something to keep your balance. Your head was swimming as the reality of your situation truly sank in. You were really about to assassinate not just your lover, but the number two hero in all of Japan. A man who was supposed to be invincible, untouchable.

And he had absolutely no idea, so far as you knew.

There was a haziness to your mind from then on as you forced yourself into the headspace of the assassin you were by trade. That would be the only way you could get through this without coming clean and dooming you both. You had to block out any feelings that may slip in and compromise the mission.

Your stupor was shattered by the sharp stabs of the microwave timer, and you almost robotically opened the door and pulled out the mugs. Katsuki had made his way over to the base of the stairs and waited patiently as you padded over to join him. He made no move to take his cup from your hand, just allowed you to go up first with a steadying hand placed lightly on your hip.

Making your way over to his side of the bed, you placed his mug down on the polished hardwood side table and moved to your own side. He climbed onto the mattress, which he had hastily covered with the duvet after you’d gone to shower. There was a throw blanket on the floor which you picked up and tossed at him playfully, aiming right at his face. You had to keep this as normal as possible so he wouldn’t suspect anything.

“Hey, watch it brat,” he huffed, pulling the fabric from his head and grinning at you. You found a similar expression spreading over your own features as you put down your own mug and leaped on top of him. A grunt escaped his lungs at the impact, and you went as limp as possible in an attempt to hold him down.

That grunt was followed by a low, rumbling laugh as he threw the blanket over you, rolling you up like a burrito and trapping you beneath his body. The entire time you found yourself giggling uncontrollably, reverting to a natural, lovesick state of mind for what might be the last time. You squirmed beneath him, trying to escape, but he simply straddled your hips with his powerful legs and framed your head with his arms, staring down at you with glittering, mirthful eyes.

“This is what brats get, yeah?”

“Katsuki~” You groaned through your laughter. “You can’t just put me in a taco every time I annoy you!”

“Oh yes I can,” he shrugged, one brow lifting as he rocked back to sit on your thighs. His chest lowered to lay atop your own, and you huffed as he crossed his arms across your chest and rested his chin on them with that shit-eating grin. “I wish I could just wrap you up and put you in my pocket all the time, actually.”

You chuckled again, attempting to free one of your hands to no avail. “It would probably be gross and sweaty in there.” You feigned a look of disgust, at which he laughed once more.

“That’s probably not wrong, though you’d deserve it after being such a little shithead.”

“Yeah? Well…” you tried to think of a snarky retort but found yourself losing your train of thought as his eyes softened. “Well, you’re just a-a nerd, so ha!”

A puff of air made its way from his nose as he lifted his chin to allow one hand to come up and caress your face. “I thought you liked nerds,” he murmured, fingers running over your skin as you pouted slightly. “Means I’m smart right?”

“Well of course you’re smart, idiot. Doesn’t mean you’re not still a nerd. I mean, just look at your All Might shrine at home! That’s nerd behavior.”

Laughter shook through the both of you as Katsuki buried his face in your chest. It was genuine, from the heart. It was also one of your favorite sounds in the world, and you tried to savor it as it happened so rarely. Not to mention that this would be the last time you’d hear it.

“I guess you’re right on that one,” he choked out through his fits of delight. “It kinda is a shrine, ain’t it?”

His joy was contagious it seemed; you began to shake with your own laughter. “Yes, it absolutely is!”

As the two of you settled he raised his head once more to look you in the eye. His face was a fair shade of pink and the humor still sparkled in his expression as he raised himself enough to press a sweet kiss to your neck. Your giggles petered out soon after as his lips climbed the column of your throat, then across your jaw and up the other side of your face, following the path of your hairline. They smoothed out the slight line between your brows and trailed down the bridge of your nose, and all the while he murmured soft praises against your skin.

“I love you more than All Might any day of the week, sweetheart. You’re the most captivating, fascinating, quick-witted person I know. The best lover I’ve ever had. You’re my everything.”

His love swept over the apples of your cheeks; your eyes fluttered shut and you savored that love as it filled the cavity of your soon-to-be-empty chest. He paused, lips just a hairsbreadth away from yours as he seemed to think over his next statement.

“I hope you know that I will always love you.” The words were barely audible, yet they took all that warmth that had just spread throughout your body and crumpled it up into a cold, dead weight that settled into the pit of your stomach. As Katsuki’s lips made contact with yours, one hand coming to cradle your head as the other held him aloft, you felt tears prick at the backs of your eyes.

The kiss lasted but a moment, yet it left you breathless and dazed. He lifted himself from his position above you, moving off to the side to settle against the pillows. He watched with a small smile as you struggled to free yourself, with no help from him. As he waited, he reached over to pick up his cup, and you forced yourself back into that cold headspace as you prepared for the inevitable.

He waited, however, until you had escaped your fluffy binds and sat beside him, your mug in hand. You took a sip, finding the liquid still scalding against your tongue. He snickered as you flinched away from it, quickly breathing in and out through your mouth in an attempt to cool your scorched skin. You noticed from the corner of your eye as he took a big gulp of his tea, and you had to fight the voice screaming in the back of your mind to stop him. To warn him that it was going to be the end of him.

He slung his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to his side before taking another sip and resting the cup on his leg. “I mean, it’s certainly not as good as fresh tea, but it’s not as bad as I had expected,” he shrugged, referencing the fact that it had been microwaved.

“Heh, yeah, not wrong I guess.” You forced your lips to curl up at the corners as you took an actual sip of your beverage. There was silence for a long moment, the tension unlike anything you had ever experienced with the explosive man beside you, as you prepared to come clean. He took one more sip, and you took a deep breath.

Now or never.

“Katsuki, listen… I-”

“I know,” he cut you off gently, softly, as if he didn’t want to scare you off. Your head snapped up to look at him, only to find his blank gaze fixed on the tea in his hand. “I already know,” he stated once more as you looked at him with thinly veiled shock.

“W-what do you know? What are you talking about?” You knew you should play this incredibly safely just in case he wasn’t privy to the actual plan.

“I know that this tea is poisoned. I know you were sent to kill me. I know who you’re working for.” His voice was sad, almost regretful as he met your gaze. “I know everything.” You couldn’t speak for a long moment, simply staring at him with slowly widening eyes as he gave you a sad smile.

“How do you…” Your voice trailed off, your mouth going unbearably dry as you tried your best to wrap your head around what he was saying.

“I’ve only known for a few weeks. Intel came in about a group that was planning to kill me, your group. Word had it that they’d gotten an assassin to infiltrate my inner circle in order to take me out quietly, and I wracked my head for days trying to figure out who it could be. Every path I followed brought me to one person: you.” He leaned over to place his steaming mug on the table before licking his lips to remove any remaining liquid and returning to you. “You were the only person who had gotten close enough to have even the slightest chance of taking me out in the last couple years, the only new variable in my life that could have presented such a threat. And even though I didn’t want to believe it – fuck, I still don’t want to believe it – I knew in my heart that it was you…”

“Katsuki, I-” You choked on guilt and remorse over the knowledge that he knew. He had figured it out. You knew this man was brilliant, that he was the number two hero for a reason. You’d seen him in action more times than you could count at this point, and he never failed to amaze and impress you with both his physical and mental prowess. So, you weren’t sure why it was coming as such a surprise that he had figured this out.

“Y/N, it’s okay,” he whispered. His free hand reached over to loop under your legs, easing them across his lap so he cradled you close to his chest. “I get it. I understand why you had to do this. Your life was on the line, right?”

You felt all the tension in your body at that moment, your hands shaking slightly and your mind racing. “Yeah,” you croaked. “If I didn’t do it they were going to torture and kill me…”

He sighed softly, his hand running soothingly up and down your leg. “Kinda figured the bastards would do that. And was the plan the same for me too?”

You nodded silently, tucking your hands between both of your chests and curling into him. You were ashamed and slightly horrified that he had found out already. You were also dully angry at yourself for not realizing it sooner. Surely he had to have acted differently in the last few weeks, right? He’d have to be insane to just accept his death like that, especially having the status and influence that he had… He was the symbol of victory, after all. He couldn’t afford to lose; it would disrupt the whole society of Japan just like your gang wanted.

“Why are you just letting me kill you, Katsuki?” You had to know, the words slipping through your lips like the silk of your shirt through his fingers.

He was quiet for a moment, thinking over his response. “Do you remember what I told you earlier?” You tried to think back on what he could be referring to, but you were having trouble recalling anything but the current moment, so you shook your head. “I told you that if it meant keeping you safe I was willing to die for you. And I meant it. I knew that at some point you were going to have to do this, and I kinda figured it would happen sometime while we were here. It would give you the smallest chance of getting caught, and the highest chance of escape. It makes a lot of s-sense, really.” His voice faltered as he spoke, and your head snapped up to look at him.

His skin was growing sallow, and beads of sweat were starting to form on his forehead. The poison was starting to kick in.

You quickly moved to straddle his lap, bringing your hands to cup his chin as the reality of the situation threatened to crush you into a million tiny shards. “I’m sorry, Katsuki,” you cried, tears once again forming in your eyes as his clammy fingers slipped under your shirt to caress the skin of your sides. “I just couldn’t let them torture you. I know how strong and capable you are, but no one who’s stood against them has survived. They would have killed you, or at least hurt you to the point that you’d be out of action for the rest of your life. Which I know for you might as well mean death. I just- I couldn’t let them do that…”

“I know baby, I know,” he murmured. There was a dull thump as his head fell back against the headboard and he fought to keep his eyes open. “I just need you to know that everything I felt for you was real, still is real. And I’m sure it may have just started as a mission for you, but I’m pretty sure-” He broke off to take a deep breath, swallowing dryly. “I’m pretty fuckin’ sure you loved me too by the end of it, right?”

You nodded vigorously, the tears breaking the confines of your eyelashes and flooding down your cheeks as you fought for air. “I absolutely did. I love you more than anything, Bakugou Katsuki. I was an orphan when they took me in, and I was raised as a killer. I never thought I’d find love, but then you saved me that day, and we went on that date, and I knew that I was fucked.”

He chuckled wryly, coaxing a similar sound from your own lips. “That was a setup, right?” You nodded slowly, hating to admit it even as he was dying. “And do you have a quirk?”

Again, you nodded. “It’s called Comply. But I only used it a couple times before everything became so natural that I had no need for it anymore… I could tell that I was going to be completely empty after I carried this out.” Your voice shook with emotion as you tried to make him out clearly through the blurriness of your tears.

He slowly, shakily raised a hand to your face and brushed his thumb under your eye, his touch weak compared to how firm it usually was when he swept away your tears. “Please don’t blame yourself, love,” he muttered, brows furrowing. “I know you didn’t choose this.”

A guttural sob ripped from your throat as you collapsed into him, burying your face in his shoulder, and wrapping your arms around his neck. One hand came to cushion the back of his head, your fingers threading through his hair as you tried to hold him back from the throes of oblivion. His skin was feverish and clammy as the toxin spread through his body, and you attempted to hide your sorrow, tried to let him go peacefully.

“All I ask is this,” he whispered. You lifted your head slowly, using the hand not supporting his head to scrub at your eyes so you could see him a bit more clearly before nodding. “Escape. Tell them the mission is done, do whatever you have to do after this to hide the evidence. But once that’s all done-” he took a ragged breath, eyes fluttering shut as he tried to stay conscious. “After that get the fuck outta here, got it?”

“G-got it,” you forced out. Your lips trembled as you fought back more tears, attempting to stay strong even as the man you loved was dying in your arms. “I promise.”

He nodded, smiling slightly. “Good. Those bastards can f-fuck off. They won’t be able t-to hurt you anymore. Once you finish up here, destroy your phone so they can’t track you. There’s a new one in my bag that’s all set up with everything you could need. Contacts for all the top pros, my family… m-my bank information. That’s signed over to your name, so you have access to it all. My passwords for different accounts are in there too in case you need ‘em.” His eyes opened slowly, clouded with some emotion that you couldn’t quite place. But you could see the tears in them, and your heart, or at least what was left of it, was stuck in your throat at the sight of them. You had only seen him look like that just a few times.

“Katsuki I-”

“Once you get somewhere safe contact Deku. Tell him what’s happened. B-be honest with him, ‘kay?” His words were quicker now, like he knew his time was near and he needed to get everything out. “He’s gonna be a fuckin’ wreck, but if you explain everything, and you tell him that this was m-my choice to let it happen, he’ll come around eventually. But I’m assuming they’re gonna come for him next, and I want him to be prepared. I’ve left videos for everyone important on that phone. Do me a favor and share ‘em with the people they’re meant for, ‘kay?”

“Of course I will, Kats. Anything for you,” your voice shook like the last leaves of the season in a cold winter wind.

Katsuki chuckled gently, letting the hand that caressed your face drop to entwine his fingers with your own. “It’s also got all our photos and videos on it too…” His voice was sad, with a hint of anger over the reality he was facing. “It’s got a-” A ragged cough burst from his lungs, accompanied by a light spray of blood that had you cringing. “Got a video on there f’r you too,” he rasped, determined to say what he needed to say even as his speech was strained, somewhat slurred. It cut you like a knife.

A fresh wave of tears spilled down your face, the crystalline droplets falling to your joined hands. “I’m just so fucking sorry Kats…” You tried to suppress your panic and sorrow, so as not to let him witness it in his final moments, but you realized that would be insincere, especially when you’d been hiding such a huge secret this whole time. So, you let any walls crumble in the looming shadow that was his imminent death.

“I know, sweet girl. So am I. Sorry I never got t’ marry you, never got t’ start a f-family, grow old, all that s-sappy shit…” The blood that had sprayed from his lungs now stained his lips, creeping between the cracks and providing the most color anywhere on his ashen face. “Most of all, ‘m sorry you were f-forced to do this. But y’know what ‘m not sorry for?”

You shook your head, wondering what on earth he could find positive in this situation.

“’m not sorry I met you… got to love you, got to have you in my life, even if just for a little while. L-like I said… y’r the best thing that’s ever happened to me. ‘nd I mean it. E-even if y’r the end of me, I’ll love you even from the grave.”

“Katsuki…” He struggled to bring your hand up and pressed his smiling lips to the back of it. “I love you too, so fucking much… I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I-”

You were cut off as he mustered what was left of his strength to lean forward and capture your lips in a gentle kiss. It tasted of blood and tears, defeat and anguish, but there was a sweetness to it as well. There was forgiveness and understanding and love that had you aching deep in your soul. As he broke off his head slumped forward, landing heavily on your shoulder as he took labored, uneven breaths.

“It’s alright, Y/N. I would have stopped ya if there was any other way…” His breath was hot against your skin, his grip on your hand limp. “It was m-my choice. Y’r worth it.”

“No, I’m not! You are so important to so many people, to all of Japan! You keep people safe, give them hope,” you sobbed, burying your face in his hair, and cradling him as close as possible, as he had done earlier. “I’m just some worthless orphan who only hurts people and brings people pain and suffering.”

His head shook minutely against your skin. “Not to me,” he breathed. “You’re m-my… my everything, got it? You better go on livin’ ‘kay? Otherwise ‘m gonna beat ya up in the afterlife. ‘Nd ya better not just live… Do something g-great. Go somewhere beautiful f’r me, yeah? Go on an adventure. Otherwise, I’ll haunt you.” He could hardly get the words out, but as he did you felt small pinpricks of heat on your exposed thighs. You didn’t need to look down to know it was his blood, vibrant and red as his eyes.

You nodded fervently, kissing whatever places on his face you could reach. “I will, I promise I will. And I’ll send the videos and warn Izuku and… and I’ll go somewhere b-beautiful. I just wish you could come with me.”

“I do too…”

There was a moment of silence between you that was filled with so much emotion it was nearly overwhelming. There was sadness most of all, under which brewed anger and resentment and regret. But there was also love, understanding, and what you could only describe as… hope. Hope for your future, hope that you could eventually find peace, or at least something close. That you would finally be able to live for yourself without having to go on killing and suffering at the hands of villains that only wanted to use you.

You lifted his head from your shoulder with a gentle hand and rested your forehead against his. “I love you, Bakugou Katsuki. More than anything.”

“And I love you too, Y/N. You’ve made my life worth living,” he whispered into the space between you. “Keep living, got it brat?”

“You got it, shithead,” you laughed weakly, before kissing him softly. You hoped to convey all of your love, passion, regret, and heartache through that final gesture. Yet all you felt in return was love, adoration even. It gave you hope that, despite the fact that you would never be quite the same, you may be able to find some modicum of peace in the future.

With a final wheezing breath, Katsuki broke away from the kiss, his body going limp and sagging against your own. His fingers were still entwined with your own, only his grip had gone slack. His skin was still damp and hot, but when you placed your fingers on the artery in his neck you only felt stillness. A lack of pulse.

Death.

You have no concept of how long you sat there weeping over his motionless body, holding him against your chest as you mourned him. Mourned the loss of the only person you’d ever loved. The stillness of his body against you was eerie. The lack of breath against your skin had you feeling cold, even as his own body lost its heat. His skin grew ghostly, and his limbs stiffened as you grieved.

It was really done. He was really dead.

It had been about 6 months since you had assassinated Bakugou Katsuki, and to say your life had changed would be a serious understatement.

Hiding the evidence hadn’t been difficult. You had spent the entirety of that night scouring and bleaching every possible surface of any biological evidence that you may have left behind, and you even destroyed the bed sheets and towels, replacing them with identical ones. Thankfully you and Katsuki had booked the place under aliases, knowing that there was certainly a chance of your vacation spot being leaked to the public had he used his real name.

Disposing of Katsuki, however, proved to be more of a challenge.

You ended up cremating him, figuring that would be the easiest way to lay him to rest while also minimizing your chances of his remains being found. After you had finished clearing the cabin of any evidence you packed the car with both of your belongings before carrying him out to the firepit by the river. You sat and watched as the flames consumed him, finding it the slightest bit poetic that such an explosive man would go out like this. By the time the sun rose, you were still sitting before the smoldering ashes, tears long since dried on your skin and limbs sore from how long you had sat still. The weight of him rested on your shoulders long after he had burned away, and you could still feel him there to this day.

You had gathered his ashes and scattered them in the river, allowing them to wash away before you returned to the car the two of you had rented. Taking one last look at the cabin, at the location where your heart and soul had gone to die, you had sent one final message to your boss before obliterating your phone:

[ It’s done. ]

You now found yourself in Greece, settled in a nice little villa situated on a mountain overlooking a turquoise sea. As you sat on your balcony the wind tugged at your hair, and you paused to take in the setting sun. The sky was a vibrant orange, the shade of which almost perfectly matched the color of the trademark “X” that had once adorned a certain Pro’s uniform.

You found him in everyday life, almost constantly reminded. When you woke to a cold bed at the start of a new day. As you watched children run through the streets on a warm summer evening with sparklers in hand. Sometimes you still found yourself cooking double portions of meals, tearily packing up the leftovers for later. When songs you used to dance to in your pajamas would play as you sat in a café, alone.

And that wasn’t even mentioning the phone. It contained every picture he had ever taken. Every selfie, every candid, every unflattering angle… And while there were plenty of the two of you, most of them were just you, taken from his perspective. They were moments that he had thought were worth capturing. Some were on dates, where you had put some effort into your appearance even if it was just a nice dinner together at home. But others you had no idea he had taken. Images of you asleep on his chest, doing your makeup, hard at work on your computer, and making a stern, concentrated face…

They were moments when he had found you beautiful, as he had told you in a letter you’d found in his notes app, where he had left you a plethora of love letters he had written to you over the time you had spent together.

You had also made sure to follow his final instructions and sent the videos to the proper recipients. As Katsuki had predicted, Deku had been an absolute mess when he had found out about the fate of his best friend. However, after watching the video Katsuki had made him, Midoriya had insisted he didn’t blame you. He had also sworn to find and defeat the group you had worked for, and with your assistance, he and the Hero Commission did just that. They brought down the entire organization, freeing you of the fear of being sucked back into their clutches, or being captured and tortured for trying to escape in the first place.

The one thing you hadn’t mustered was the courage to watch the video intended for you.

It sat untouched in the camera roll just waiting for you to gather the fortitude to see what he had to say to you. Out of respect for those which he had left other videos for, you hadn’t watched those either, so you really didn’t know what to expect. You only knew that when you finally hit play you were in for a world of emotion.

But tonight, you had finally convinced yourself to press the button. With a glass of his favorite wine in hand and the Dynamight plushie he had bought you almost a year ago hugged to your chest, you tried to prepare yourself for the torrent of feelings you were about to undergo. With your headphones on snuggly in order to immerse yourself in the presence of your lover and to minimize distractions, you started the video.

“Hey dumbass,” he started. The sound of his voice had you choking up already, but you didn’t want to cry yet, so you held back your emotion. “So, I’m guessing you probably waited a while to watch this, right? You were probably scared to because it would mean admitting to yourself that I’m gone. Well, I’m gonna say right now that I think that’s bullshit. I’m right here, idiot. I always will be. All of this shit is backed up on the cloud, so even if you lose this phone it’s all still gonna be there. Can’t get rid of me that easy.” His chuckle was laidback, almost carefree. As if he wasn’t recording a message to be watched after a death he knew was coming.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s taken me a while to record this for you. I’ve already done everyone else’s because I had to really think about what to say to you, and I’m pretty sure this is attempt number eight? Maybe number nine… I don’t fuckin’ know. What I’m tryin’ to say is that I know you’re probably hurting the most out of everyone right now. Yeah, my family is probably crushed, and shitty Deku probably feels responsible or whatever… But you?” He paused, looking away from the camera for a moment in thought. You felt tears welling in your eyes as he continued somewhat carefully.

“You were the one who had to carry out your mission. And I just want you to know that, in a weird kinda way, I respect that. You had to do what you had to do. For the sake of yourself, and in a way… for my sake. They were probably planning on killing both of us if you didn’t do it on your own, right? And it would probably include a lot of pain and suffering, if all the intel we’ve gathered on these bastards is correct. They seem like real assholes, y’know?” You couldn’t help but smile gently at his words, as he didn’t even know how true they were at the time.

“But I don’t want you to blame yourself, got it? I obviously don’t know all the specifics of your situation, but I do know one thing. I know that you’re one of the most thoughtful, caring, and kind people I have ever met. And even if everything else has been part of an act, I don’t think those things can be faked.” There were those goddamn tears again. They began to blur your vision, and you took a moment to wipe them away before they could fall.

“I don’t think your love is fake either.” His voice was soft and seemed to be slightly strained. “Everything I feel from you in that respect seems… very genuine. At least I really fuckin’ hope it’s real. Because I know that everything I feel for you is as real as it gets. And I swear to god if you don’t actually love me back, even just a little, I’m gonna come back and haunt you from the dead, got it brat?” If you weren’t mistaken you thought you could see tears starting to form in his eyes even as you found yourself chuckling at his faux aggression.

“I just- I’m sorry that you have to do this… Heh, weird that I’m the one apologizing when you’re the one that has to fuckin’ kill me. But, while I plan on telling you this in person before it happens, and I’m pretty sure I know when it’s gonna be happening…” He paused and took a deep, stabilizing breath before trucking on.

“I would do anything to protect you, Y/N. I would go to war, stop a train, take a bullet straight to the heart… I am willing to die for you if it means you won't have to deal with those scumbags anymore. I’m hoping that after this all goes down and I’m dead and gone you’ll be able to escape them. I’m putting together a contingency plan, hence all the videos and shit. I want you to be able to live for yourself, finally, instead of having to live your life as a criminal, constantly putting yourself in danger and having to do what those assholes want you to do.”

You took a breath as he paused again, reaching up to scrub at his eyes, which had steadily been growing red with impending tears. “I honestly don't know what else to say, but I don’t want to end this yet…” He chuckled somewhat ruefully, his brows coming together in a look of what you could only describe as defeat.

“I guess I should say that I was uh… I was planning to propose in a couple months. I don’t want to make you hurt worse than you probably already are, but I don’t want to hide that. I’m probably not going to before it all goes down, but I uh, I kinda bought a ring and everything. I gave it to my ma and told her not to give it to you till you asked for it. I figured you might not want it, so I didn’t wanna tell you about it. Guess I wanted to wait till you watched this, so you’d get the full picture on where I stand with the whole situation. If you want the ring, just tell her you watched this and decided to get it. But I understand if it would be too painful to have a reminder of me sitting on your finger every day… A reminder of everything that happened…”

Your hand came up to cover your mouth as you paused the video. You needed to take a moment to process what he was saying. He was going to propose? He had already bought the ring? Tears were flowing down your cheeks freely now, and your heart felt so heavy it seemed like you had a sandbag on your chest. You had thought about what it would be like to marry him, sure, but you had never allowed yourself to seriously entertain the idea as it was too painful to imagine such a thing while knowing what you’d eventually have to do to him. Hitting play, you resumed the video.

“Just know it’s there if you want it. Guess it could be a reminder of my love for you. Of how much I truly care for you. I just need you to get it through your thick skull that I really do love you. Even if it was all for the sake of a mission, which I kinda refuse to believe, what I feel for you is, and always will be, real. Even after I’m dead I’ll still love you.”

As the timer on the bottom of the video steadily scrolled toward the end you could see a few tears falling down his cheeks as he chose to forgo wiping them away. “Well, uh, I guess that’s pretty much all I had to say then. You better not be curled up in a ball somewhere dark and dingey wasting away and letting your sadness eat you alive, dumbass. I want you to go out there and take life by the fuckin’ balls. You deserve to live for yourself from now on. I probably told you this before I left you, but all of my bank accounts have been signed over to you, so hopefully, money won’t be a problem for the rest of your life. For fuck’s sake, I don’t even know why I get paid so much, but I have literally no clue what to do with it all, so it should at least get you pretty far. Do something fun. Travel the world. Go on an adventure and do something you’ve always wanted to do, ‘kay?”

He had indeed signed over all of his accounts to you, and when you accessed them for the first time the numbers you found sent your head spinning. He also had copious amounts of money invested in numerous companies, so the numbers kept increasing over time as well. When you had gone over it all with a financial advisor, she had instructed you on how to keep everything in order and how to properly invest in the future, if you so desired.

“I just ask that you take care of my family if they ever need it,” he pleaded gently. His eyes had softened as he brought up his loved ones. “I’ve already left ‘em a buncha money, which is probably surprising considering the huge amount you hopefully have already found in the accounts I signed over to you, but like I said the Commission pays me a disgusting amount. It’s honestly kinda ridiculous… all of that money could be going to something much better, but I digress… If they ever need something, promise me you’ll help ‘em out, alright? They’re probably fuckin’ wrecks over the fact that I’m gone, and while I’ve explained everything in their video, they may appreciate it coming from you as well. I just hope you guys can come to terms with each other. Because as you know my ma can be… a lot,” he chuckled sadly.

“Just know I love the fuck outta you, and I’m so proud of you for having to get through all the bullshit you’ve been through. I’m not mad about the situation, and I hope you understand that. But I am pretty sad that it’s gotta go down like this, and that I’ll never get to grow old with you like I’d originally planned. But, like I’ve said over and over at this point, I’d gladly die if it meant saving you, and hopefully freeing you from these villain bastards making you do all this shit.

I hope you don’t miss me too much, and I don’t want you to be afraid of finding someone else to love. I just want you to be happy, and if that means finding someone new then I support you. Just make sure they deserve you, because you’ve got so much to give, and I don’t want you wasting your time with some fuckin’ loser. But if you don’t end up with anyone else, please… just don’t let yourself fade away. Find at least one thing to give you happiness. Because you fuckin’ deserve it, idiot. This isn’t your fault, and I don’t want you blaming yourself. Also, make sure to kick those shitheads’ asses for me, alright? Lock ‘em up in Tartarus for all eternity. That’s what they fuckin’ deserve for making you do all the shit they did.”

He looked down at his hands, fiddling with them off-screen as he thought for a moment before looking back up at you. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Y/N. You changed my life for the better, taught me what love was all about, and showed me more love and kindness than anyone else. I refuse to believe that was all an act. It sure as hell wasn’t an act on my end. And if it was real for you too, if all of this was as real for you as it was for me, then I hope you know that you held my heart in your hands and I will love you till you are dead and gone like me. And I ain’t got a clue what comes after life, but I’ll sure as hell be waitin’ for you on the other side. I promise.”

There were tears in his eyes yet again, glittering like diamonds as they wavered on his lower lashes. Your stomach clenched at the sight as you reached up to brush away your own.

“Alright, fuckin’ dumbass. Get off your phone and go live your life. I hope you’re somewhere beautiful. Somewhere as beautiful as you are. The world is a better place because you’re in it. Or… at least my world was better because of you.” The tears quivered once more before slipping down his cheeks as he gave you a sad smile from his place in the past. “Live enough for both of us, yeah? And don’t join me too soon, otherwise, I’ll be pissed. I don’t wanna see your face wherever I am for another 50 years, you little fucker.”

“You got it, Kats,” you laughed tearily, unable to stop your response from slipping from your lips as if he was really standing right in front of you.

“Think ‘m just rambling at this point, ‘cus I really don’t want this to end. But I guess I’ve gotta save some space on here for everything else I wanna leave for ya. One last time, I love you, princess. I always will. Live a good rest of your life, and don’t come lookin’ for me till the time is right.” He raised his hand and gave a small wave.

“Goodbye.”

[moonlightdreamzz]

THIN APOLOGIES / PART 1

SUMMARY ✰ Mark is your boyfriend, and Vernon is your best friend. You're sick of Mark not treating you right, and Vernon is too. He's also sick of watching from the sidelines when he knows no one can make you happier than him.

PAIRING ✰ Idol!Mark x Idol!Reader x Idol!Vernon

GENRE ✰ ANGST & FLUFF

NOTE ✰ This is actually the first story I ever wrote in my entire life three years ago. It’s my baby. I said to myself, I should rewrite this because the original version was written like the beginner I was at the time. I hope you all enjoy. It’s so good.

© moonlightdreamzz

Blonde by Frank Ocean has been playing on loop for hours over your speakers. For what seems like days, your gaze has been fixed on the candle blazing in front of you. There are numerous reasons why you can't take your eyes off its flame—the first being that if you do, you'll be forced to see all of the decorations and food you prepared for Mark, who has decided for the third time in a row that you aren't important enough to show up for. All of his favorite things are strewn throughout your living room, unused.

The second reason you can't tear your gaze away from the flame is that you're intrigued. The lavender-scented wax is nearing the end of its life after being used for so long. What happens when there’s none left? Does the flame die peacefully? Or does the jar burn and combust, leaving you regretting not extinguishing the flame sooner?

Sick isn't the word to describe how your boyfriend has made you feel over the past few months. You’ve tried to see the positives of his absence right now, but it’s utterly impossible. What could you say to yourself? At least you got ditched in the comfort of your own home this time, Y/N? And not in a restaurant, or a random parking lot his manager drove you to?

Mark always has his excuses of course. His favorite one to use was that you don’t understand the sacrifices it takes to be an idol. When the two of you first began to have issues, you took those words to heart. You know how much he’s sacrificed to be where he is, and you never wanted him to think you were that girl—the girl who got in a relationship with an idol and acted like she didn’t know what she was signing up for. As time passed, you realized that he was just manipulating you.

He’s so good at it too. Or maybe he’s just an incredibly beautiful man, whose doe eyes could convince anybody that he indeed is a good person—he just doesn’t think sometimes. You just wish he’d understand that you indeed do understand his life, it’s simply his unfulfilled promises that are so incredibly frustrating. Summer Walker once said, “it doesn’t matter how hard I I try, I say it nice, yell it out loud, write it down, I’m tired.” She damn sure was right.

“Why plan a date you can’t come to? Just tell me it’ll be awhile before I’ll see you again.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I thought I could make it.”

Your phone begins vibrating on your coffee table infront of you, interrupting the reflecting that you’re tired of doing anyways. You know it’s Mark, back again with whatever his reason is this time for not showing up. For a second, you consider not picking it up. Maybe if he knew what it felt like to be abandoned, he’d stop doing it to you.

You inhale deeply before picking up the phone, surprised at whose name is popping up.

“Vernon?” You whisper to yourself. You feel a brief burst of happiness before immediately shifting to concern due to the time of night.

You and Vernon have been close friends since debut. Some would say it’s because you two are the English speakers of your group, but you only saw that as a plus in your friendship. In reality, Vernon was a quirky, artsy, adorably curious boy, and you always felt this weird urge to…protect him. You figure he was drawn to how you never judged him, and how open you were about what you referred to as “Vernon’s philosophies”. He got your jokes, and you pretended you understood his. The rest is history.

Laughter escapes your throat, scaring you simultaneously as you can’t remember the last time you genuinely found anything funny. In the midst of your giggles, Vernon begins to FaceTime you, and you don’t hesitate to answer the phone.

You can see through the phone how hard he’s trying to be irritated with you, but you also notice how bad he’s failing at doing so. The corner of his pink lips are twitching, and his hooded eyes are melting along with it as neither of you break virtual eye contact with each other. This only makes you laugh even harder. His flawless features don’t hold long, and he’s smirking boyishly now.

“You really think this is funny, huh?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well you know what I think is funny right now? You’re alone right now.” He jokes.

“Ha ha,” You laugh sarcastically, “Am I really this worthless? Like be honest.” You question, a sad smile naturally creeping onto your features as reality attempts to set back in.

Vernon’s eyes roll aggressively, followed by a deep inhale. You know him. He wants to tell you about yourself, and remind you of all the times you promised him you’d have more confidence, just to end up asking him questions like this in the end. It takes him longer than you expected to find kind words to say to you, but you appreciate the fact that he cares enough to spare you, because he wouldn’t do it for anyone else.

“Don’t ever call yourself worthless. He’s the worthless one. If he can’t see how amazing you are,that’s his problem and you shouldn’t just sit here and take it, Y/N. That’s not even like you.”

“But…I love him.”

“Yeah...that always sucks doesn’t it?” He says, almost as if he’s speaking to himself and not you. “I know it’s late, but how about I come keep you company Y/N?. You deserve to be happy for at least a few hours don’t you think?” He chuckles.

He’s no longer looking directly at you. He’s looking at whatever is below him now. Vernon coming to keep you company isn’t a terrible idea. Right now, you so deeply crave to be around someone who actually cares about you, and he’s a clear candidate.

“Yeah! Let me get dressed and I’ll come pick you up.”

“Do really think I’d let you leave your house at this hour to do anything for me?”

“Well, how else are you gonna get here? You don’t have a car and I know your manager is knocked out.”

His boyish smile returns, and you already know a sarcastic comment is closer than around the corner. “You ever heard of uber?”

Now you’re the one rolling your eyes. Was this okay? I mean, the two of you are only friends, but Dispatch nor fans would care about that if they so happened to be stalking you. Him coming over late could turn into a whole situation that you aren’t in the mood to hear about.

“What if you get caught?” You question, although unconsciously do you begin to tidy up in your living room.

“I didn’t.”

He didn’t? Was he already—

Your doorbell ringing interrupts your thoughts.

“Vernon!” You scream through the phone, so many questions running through your mind.

“Are you going to let me in, or are we gonna hangout from outside the door?” He snickers slyly.

You should have known he was up to no good the moment you couldn't identify where he was from his surroundings. All you saw was darkness, but you imagined he was walking around his neighborhood or simply in the dark, because that was so Vernon.

With precision and quickness, you run to the door and open it. You’re still dolled up; face beat like it’s prom night from the date you should’ve been wrapping up by now. Vernon steps in, and for a second it seems like he’s frozen in place. It’s embarrassing, as you often got reactions like this when you dressed up because without an occasion, you were going to choose sweatpants, a graphic tee, and crocs everytime.

“Woah.” He utters.

“What? You just saw me on the phone, Vernon.” You question amusingly before walking to your kitchen to grab him a water.

“Thank you.” He whispers as he takes it out of your hand. “It’s just…you’re so…ugly.”

You know that he thinks you’re going to hit him immediately, so you wait an extra second before punching him lightly in his stomach.

“Shut up!” You laugh, loudly this time. It’s a rare occurrence these days for anything to unconsume your mind of Mark Lee, but Vernon’s doing that with ease right now. “You stay your ass right there and I’ll be back. I should probably take all this off.” You whisper while pointing to you and all your current glory.

“Take your time.” Vernon utters, no funny business in the room now. His smile is gentle as he nudges you towards your room.

You began walking in slow motion down your hallway. “Oh trust me, I will.” It doesn’t take you long to strip down to your natural state. You remove your clothes first, settling on a gray t-shirt you’ve had for years. If you didn’t have company, you’d stop it at that. You decide on some matching gray pajama shorts. The sight of Mark’s clothes in the drawer pisses you off all over again. As you remove your makeup, you can't help but squeal with delight. The wipes that you bought in replacement of the ones that took way too many to clean your face, was worth the investment.

The final touch is your bonnet, which you slip on your head with ease. Your icy feet drag over the hallway floor, a flood of fatigue washing over you.

“Awe.” Vernon coos when you reappear. In the midst of you getting ready for bed, he carefully placed all of the decorations you left out for Mark out of sight in the kitchen. He really wanted to throw it away, but that wasn’t his decision to make. Netflix is waiting for two of you.

“Don’t awe me.” You plop yourself on the couch so hard you’re pretty sure Vernon levitates for a second. You push the button to recline your seat, shutting your eyes right and leaning your head back with a sigh. “Thank you, Vernon.” You say the second you realize he cleaned up your clutter. The room feels less heavy now that you’re not forced to look at your wasted hard work. You feel his gaze on you, but energetically, you can’t interpret why he’s staring at you. You’ll settle on pity.

“Ah, I haven’t done much. Plus, you’ve always been there for me.”

Your comfort turns into guilt, recalling all the times you haven’t been there for your close friend in the midst of you and Mark’s relationship crashing. “Not like this.” You utter.

“Well, no you haven’t surprised me with a big box of donuts and a new video game,” He chuckles, “But you’ve been there for me. A lot of times unknowingly, if I’m being honest. Your presence alone…does a lot for me—I mean, for people.” He rambles. “Plus, I’m one of a kind, anyways.”

A smile creeps onto your features at him teasing you lovingly. You’re beginning to doze off, which typically makes you stare at things unintentionally. Your target tonight is Vernon, who is sitting extremely close to you right now. Your hand begins to entangle themselves in his locs, causing his eyes to flutter in relaxation.

“Enough about me.” You protest softly, “What’s going on in the life of Hansol, hm?”

“Nothing much,” He whispers, enjoying the feeling of your hands running through his scalp. His eyes are stuck on the ceiling, but you know he’s still listening to you. “I’m like a robot these days. I wake up, go to practice, go back to the dorm, sleep, repeat.”

“Why didn’t eat make the list?”

“Oh yeah, that too. But you know me. If I have to pick between sleeping and eating, I’m picking the first option.”

“Oh I know.” You can’t count on one hand the amount of times you scolded Vernon for sleeping too much, even though you do the same thing the second you get a break from schedules.

“Too much of a good thing, is a bad thing, Vernon.”

“Not everything.” He whispers, seemingly dazed out now. You’re ceiling wasn’t that interesting. He has something on his mind, but you’re not sure if you want to pick his brain. If he wanted you to know what’s on his mind, he’d say it. At the same time, you’re his right hand woman, and he’ll just have to deal with you being in his business.

Your eyebrows raise in an interrogative fashion. “Give me an example?”

“You.” He says simply. His eyes lock themselves into yours confidently, but you’re unsure how to feel. What was he trying to say? Is he flirting? Is he just being kind? It’s always been so hard for you to understand him when he gets like this.

“What about me?” Is all you can manage. You’re not sure why you’re nervous now, but you are. You hope you’re not making it obvious that his comment has made your breathing unsteady.

“I’m just saying it’s impossible to get tired of you. ‘Too much’ of you,” he air quotes, “would make the world a much better place.”

“You think so?” You question genuinely. “Mark doesn’t seem to think so.”

“Mark is a fucking idiot.” He spits out.

“I’m not gonna disagree.”

“I mean look at everything you did for him today, just for him to not show up?” Vernon begins to frantically point in all directions of your home, including at yourself as well as your kitchen. “What kind of boyfriend doesn’t come home to this?”

Silence is the only thing you can provide right now. One because he’s right, but two, because you’ve never seen Vernon so riled up on your behalf. He was the one always talking you off cliffs, not the other way around.

“Sorry,” He clears his throat. His voice is back to his regular tone now.

“Don’t be. Thank you for caring about me.”

You don’t know why, but you feel a desire to nuzzle into Vernon’s shoulder, so you do. Naturally, he wraps his arm around your shoulder to allow you more comfortability. Maybe it’s wrong, maybe it’s not, but it doesn’t feel wrong being in his arms right now. You know if you consider Mark, you should pull away, but when’s the last time Mark considered you?

“Is this okay?” He questions, his tone a mixture of hope and concern as he’s likely reading your mind right now. He had a knick for that when it came to you.

“It’s okay.” You decide. I mean, who’s going to catch you?

The two of you lay like that for the remainder of the night, watching a movie that Vernon puts on, but you can't concentrate. All you can think of is how you're lying in the arms of another man, your heart fluttering. That isn't supposed to happen. However, your thoughts are brief because you quickly find yourself dozing off in his arms that feel as if they never want to let you go.

It’s the wee hours of the morning when your phone rings, and then vibrates, indicating someone has called and texted you.

You and Vernon sleep through it.

TO BE CONTINUED

© moonlightdreamzz

[ludinusdaleth]

a travesty ive barely posted meta for artagan here when anyone who knows me knows ive written universes about him. so, a bit to ponder on:

something interesting about artagan - and by extension many fae in cr in general - is how thoroughly he's defined by selfishness as the core value of a fae, when we are shown time & again even before artagan gets his redemption arc that that isnt true.

now, arti is selfish. hes the definition of lust, & sloth, & sheer debauchery. he'd rather sit back than help even his favorite little tiefling (at first - more on that later). he would rather abandon his followers to an island that would destroy their memory than attempt to lead them.

but.

he planned for his followers to land on rumblecusp because to him, a fae, losing memories was completely Insignificant - and he literally did some of their paperwork to help them along, and did the work to ensure travelercon left them with each other. he was benevolent enough to vm their first meeting, showing incredible patience despite their disregard for him. he saved vex from drowning. he chose to befriend jester after seeing her be hurt by lord sharpe's son. he comforted jester when he could, when he never needed to. this is all before The Travelercon Kick, before he agreed to help the m9 into the feywild & shift time for them for no price, before he helped jester battle trent/omentis and made sure his spells did not hurt innocent bystanders.

this isnt some garuntee that he, pre-jester, was any saint. but what sticks out to me is how much the trait of selfishness is vastly applied to him. not only does sehanine's angel refer to him as a selfish creature twice, but he refers to himself that way the episode before. it is as if he has endless history with being called that, as if he is the most vile creature by virtue of being an archfey, and he made peace with that, leaned into that until jester walked into his life.

which always leads, in my head, to thinking about the fae of this show in general. they are so vastly blanketed as dangerous. and some are. but the more you analyze it the more you see how it's less integral to their being, and more what they accept they are. if youre seen as a monster, and whimsy is inherent to you, you will play the role to see what happens (i see this in characters like ira immensely). we see the younger generation of fae raised away from these generalizations - fearne & morrighan - break the stereotype near entirely. sure, fearne picks pockets and loves her friends lowkey possessively - but weve seen time & again how thats playful, and gives way to so much selflessness she's falling apart at the seams, only just now telling the party her fears. and morrighan shows no possessiveness at all, being shy & near subservient as a waitress. they are living proof that a fae's worst traits are a matter of nurture.

watching artagan is watching some of his peak fae-court upbringing begin to break down by exposure to a different world. i always recall how both he & ira hiss at the feywild for its contradictions, its rules when it's a land built for free wills - which implies the fae are not let to be themselves, but have their culture shaped by courts so strict they wont even let fae leave to exandria. the worst ideas about them begin to shatter the more cr tells us how fae society has fallen into something like an oil slick into an ocean - literal imagery used by athion & yu. the fae's free existence has been polluted.

artagan was our first example of all of that. and how it's possible to become better.

[a-jaded-mirage]

Blue Beetle and El Paso

I would be lying if I said that I was not disappointed by the canonical home of Jaime Reyes being changed both in the movie and in recent comics. However, I would also be lying if I said that I absolutely detested the movie for whatever reason. I enjoyed the movie for what it was and what it meant to the Hispanic and Latinx communities. It is a huge deal, and I think it was done well. Going back to my original point, it is hard to be disappointed when it feels as though I am not missing out on much when Blue Beetle's relationship with El Paso was never done true justice anyway.

The West Texan Mexican-American experience is hard to fully encapsulate into one solid thought or idea. I can confidently say that the approach DC had in most iterations of the comics, cartoons, recent movie, and other forms of media always toned the experience down and made it a duller aspect of his story. I can not recall even a single time when El Paso was brought up or portrayed in a way that was recognizable to an El Pasoan across any of the aforementioned media. It always felt disconnected and out of touch, but I still held it close to my heart because it was something alluding to home.

In a way, I am happy that Blue Beetle is now from the fictional (emphasis on that) Palmera City, because it reiterates that heroes can only be super in Hollywood when they are superficially placed in a cookie-cutter big and flashy city. All I really have to say to that is, good for them. They did what they needed to in order to reach a wider audience. I am sure that the payoff for the corporate powerhouses at the end was worth it even at the cost of individuality. Come to think of it, my mind cannot really conjure up any mainstream superheroes that operate in any desert long term. Any time spent in the less "glamorous" parts of the Southwest is almost always smaller plot-driving settings that act as a stepping stone for bigger heroes and not as a home.

Anyway, all of this is to say that I understand why they did what they did with the setting. I even still happen to think the entire production team did a great job, but that does not stop me from wondering what could have been at any point in Blue Beetle's recent history if someone had used the beauty, culture, and complexity found uniquely in Sun City far more productively. There was so much more potential than the oftentimes vague and noncommittal nods given to the setting. It just was not utilized to its fullest potential, and if that would have been a continuous theme, then I am glad that they are no longer working with it.

Shifting to something less ranty, I absolutely suck at drawing. I am a STEM person through and through, but that did not stop me from visualizing all of the things I would have loved to have seen portrayed in a Blue Beetle story while experiencing being a teenager in El Paso. He was my absolute favorite superhero because he was one that I saw every single day in my hometown, and there were several things I felt he would have enjoyed doing.

For example, we have a ton of high schools. If I had to narrow down the ones I think Jaime Reyes would have attended, I would probably say my top three picks would be: El Paso High School, Bowie High School, or Austin High School. An interesting custom that schools in El Paso have is placing the first initial of a myriad of our high schools on the mountains. They are huge and visible, as well as a testament to our school spirit and pride. The Top 10 percent of most of our graduating classes wear different colored gowns at graduation than the rest of their peers, which is something I was told was not a common occurrence in most other states.

Homecoming is a huge deal, and people will buy, make, or sell Mums and corsages. It is kind of difficult to explain to people from around the states who may not be entirely familiar with what it is, but it is an old Texan tradition that is typically shared between sweethearts (dates) on the last day of Homecoming spirit week. It is something that a lot of people go all out for, and plenty of pictures exist on the internet of the various ways that they can be customized. I always thought it would be cool to see what Jaime Reyes would do for his Mum.

Prom is pretty much Prom wherever you are in the States for the most part, and ours are held at some great venues in the city, so there is not much more to say about that part of the high school experience. As far as colleges go, some of the most popular for teenagers at El Paso high schools to apply to are UTEP, EPCC, TTU, Texas A&M, and any of the other UTs (UT Austin, UT Dallas, and UT San Antonio to name a few). There are even several private universities like Rice, Baylor, and Trinity to name a few more. Hell, a lot of us even go to schools like NMSU in what is essentially our sister city of Las Cruces, there is also UNM, ASU, U of A, and CU. There are so many different choices for universities that are realistic and in the general area that Jaime absolutely could have chosen to apply to and attend. I think that seeing him initially as a Junior or Senior in an El Paso high school, and subsequently watching his transition into a college student in the city or elsewhere while grappling with his powers and responsibilities as Blue Beetle would have been so fascinating.

As far as places that it would have been nice to see him interact with at some point, it would be easier to just give a general list of my favorites. I wish that the following places could have been incorporated into the Blue Beetle story at some point long past: Chico's Tacos, Franklin Mountains State Park, Transmountain Road, Downtown, The Plaza Theater, Cielo Vista, The Fountains at Farah, Sunland Park, the Outlet Shoppes, Rosa's Cantina, Southwest University Park, Don Haskins Center, Concordia Cemetery, Scenic Drive-Overlook, the El Paso Star, Hueco Tanks, San Jacinto Plaza, St. Patrick Cathedral, any farmer's market or swap meet, any of our museums (Art, History, Archeology, Border Patrol, Science, Chamizal), the Coliseum, Ardovino's, Orange Cow, Burrito House, Bowie Bakery, Lucy's Cafe, any of our dulcerias, as well as literally any of our regional and national recreational chains. Obviously, there is so much more, but all of what I listed could have definitely been used for something whether it be a fight with a villain of the week, or opportunities to flesh out Jaime's character more socially and individually. That, and it tickles my funny bone to imagine the Teen Titans trying something like Chico's Tacos for the first time.

Unrelated, Jaime would totally listen to Khalid.

Naturally, there are so many other locations in surrounding cities and states that easily could have been used as well for any plot points that would have added even more Southwestern charm. I mean, part of New Mexico's tourism schtick is literally aliens (Roswell), and the scarab is in fact an alien now. However, for the purposes of this, I focused on El Paso. That is really all I have to say about all of this, if you stayed for my entire rant I appreciate it. If not, I totally understand, and I really just wanted to put my thoughts out into the world and write this love letter to my home city.

I love that Blue Beetle is now further into the general public's eye, and that his character means something for the entire extended community. He now has room to change, grow, and evolve from what he was before in a way that is far more defined by the expectations for a mainstream hero. Even if the El Pasoan Jaime Reyes can only exist truly in my mind, it is an okay price to pay for a narrative that touches my heart specifically. I am most certainly not a writer, so I hope that the next time we have a hero from El Paso, some of my city's charm can truly be done justice. After all, the only person who can characterize an El Pasoan correctly is an El Pasoan.

[fiercynn]

too wise to woo peaceably (bad buddy + much ado about nothing)

i was talking recently with @ranchthoughts about our feelings about bad buddy and theatre, and i was reminded of how the wonderful @ryfkah once wrote on dreamwidth about the parallels between patpran and beatrice & benedick from much ado about nothing! much ado is absolutely my favorite shakespeare play, so ryfkah’s comparisons have lived in my head rent-free since they made their post a year and a half ago:

I actually want to switch gears from Romeo & Juliet and talk a little instead about Beatrice and Benedick. Pat & Pran do not have the exact energy but are definitely B&B-adjacent -- first of all, in that all the habitual patterns of their interactions are set firmly to Bickering and Bravado, but second and more important in that the bickering and bravado already have a huge weight of feeling and history behind them at the time that we enter the narrative. This is the thing, I think, that a lot of other variants on this style of snappy, outwardly antagonistic God I Hate That Person [I Do Not Hate That Person] miss: what makes Beatrice & Benedick work is that we have enough glimpses of context from the dialogue to know that they know each other extremely well, they've cared about each other in the past, and no matter how much they argue they do in fact still care about each other enormously in the present. Likewise, the thing that makes Bad Buddy really fun, for me, is that the events of the show absolutely do not depict not the first time that Pat and Pran have gone from rivalry through cahootship to the realization that they are not only required by circumstance to be obsessed with each other but actually genuinely like each other as people -- this has all happened before, and ended badly. The show begins right after the only period of their life that they've spent not defining themselves against each other, so when they meet once again in a position of nonsense forced rivalship the tension between them has a really different weight to it: Pat is like 'hey, we missed our shot last time but we can do a speedrun! we have a chance to do this again! :D' while Pran, significantly more self-aware about the fact that what they achieved on the last go-round was not just Unfortunately Thwarted Friendship but Powerful Homoerotic Tension with a side of Miserable Romantic Pining, is like 'god I cannot believe that we are here again, constructing intricate rituals AGAIN.' [x]

which gave me a lot of thoughts as well! putting below the cut since it gets a little long.

building off ryfkah's post: one of the things people either seem to love or hate about much ado is its massive tonal shift in the middle. the play starts off with pure shenanigans – battle-of-the-wits banter, using a masquerade ball to pretend to be other people, “let’s try and match-make our friends who hate each other by having them ‘overhear’ conversations about how the other is in love with them!” – classic comedy stuff. and then you get to claudio and hero’s wedding and everything goes to shit.

the interesting thing is that the impact of the shenanigans isn’t negated by the dramatic shift – beatrice and benedick are still, technically, “tricked” into confessing to each other, because each of them goes into their confession thinking the other is already pining away for them. but their confessions happen in a scene where the stakes have been raised already: beatrice is furious about at the defamation of her cousin by claudio and hero’s subsequent heartbreak. beatrice and benedick’s banter falls away, not only into expressing their love, but with beatrice’s conviction, stated plainly, that benedick should kill his best friend. and benedick, though conflicted, agrees to challenge claudio unless he recants the insult he’s done to hero, because beatrice has asked it of him. when performed well, it’s an incredibly raw and impactful scene, and one that always sticks with me. and there's a sense that the trickery by their friends operates mostly as a cover for them to say out loud what they've already been feeling – both the good and bad parts of that, the love and the pain, the confessions and the demands. people who were truly tricked into loving each other by shenanigans wouldn't be this honest with each other at this point, and wouldn't go this far.

i'm not going to claim that there are super direct plot parallels between bad buddy and much ado, and obviously the stakes and level of gravity are very different, but i do get some similar feelings watching both? especially when rewatching the beginning and remembering how silly it is, which i think is absolutely intentional just as it is in much ado. because then, when bad buddy allows pat and pran to reveal their deep connection by letting the banter fall away – when things get serious enough between them that they’re taken out of their “nonsense forced rivalship”, as ryfkah says – it hits even harder.

i'm thinking of pat saying, “i don’t like it. i hate to see you play [the song] with someone else,” on the rooftop, and the way that pran’s been playing their usual game in that conversation thus far, using sarcasm and indifference as his defense, until pat’s honesty makes his expression shift into pain, before he responds in kind with, “pat, you’ve got to stop doing to me.” (@ranchthoughts and @dudeyuri talk beautifully and in-depth about those two lines here.) and again, in episode 6, on the first night of the architecture volunteer trip: pat’s been playing all day, trying to goad pran into talking to him, but when it’s just the two of them on the beach in the dark, pat says, “we’re talking now?”, the hurt clear in his voice, and pran’s face changes again, because he gets out serious pat is now.

and then, of course, we get back to shenanigans soon enough, because those intricate rituals that they build together are important to them: that’s how they talk to each other, and how they have fun together, and the fun is just as crucial to their relationship as the heartfelt moments when they can be there for each other. the second half of bad buddy is so enjoyable to watch because we get to see how their dynamic doesn’t change after they get together, which is a confirmation that they always had a deep and meaningful relationship, even when it was mostly expressed through banter: they just get to say more of it out loud now, when they need to. extremely beatrice and benedick-coded tbh.

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Kitten

First posted: March 22, 2019

Focuses on: Bruce Wayne and the Fam (plus a new addition)

Favorite bookmark: "GIVE BRUCE A BABY GIRL!!!! HE IS A DESTINED GIRL DAD AND DESERVES MORE DAUGHTERS!!!! AND HE NEEDS A BABY!!!!!!"

Tier: This is #11 in terms of hits and bookmarks?? How?? #9 in terms of kudos? #19 in comments?????? #14 in subscriptions. I am baffled by this.

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

Apparently by this point I had secured a friendship with @audreycritter because she was the one who told me about the existence of Helena Kyle, Selina's daughter, and some comic book nonsense about her maybe or maybe not being Bruce's daughter also and how in some universes Bruce helps her get adopted out and no??? J'refuse????? This is the kind of canon nonsense fic was made to fix.

The decision was a spontaneous one. Rare, for Bruce, but not as rare as some might think. Nor were his decisions—including this one—as free from consideration as the label “spontaneous” might imply. While it was true that Bruce liked to put more deliberate, conscious thought into his life choices, the pieces had already been there, facts lurking in his subconscious like mayfly larva. When the moment had arisen, those facts had sprouted wings and coalesced into a swarm. 

As anyone following along has clocked, the majority of my fics start with the author going "Now let me explain something I need you to understand."

Besides, it wasn’t like he didn’t have a history of making this kind of choice before.

We stan a self-aware man.

He wouldn’t make the same mistakes as before, even if it had taken him multiple times to learn his lesson.

I do want to write that fic someday. I had a specific framework mentally charted out that would partly involve Dick learning about Jason Todd's arrival. Someday.

“Bruce!” Dick’s voice was bright and warm, flooding through the interior like sunshine.

Bruce Wayne loves Dick Grayson so. freaking. much.

He could hear Dick shifting, probably settling against a wall or filing cabinet, before prodding, “No offense, but you’re not one for mid-day, no-reason calls. What’s up?”

Ah, that familiar "okay, who died" anxiety provoked by the unexpected call of someone who doesn't do unexpected calls.

“Bruce, tell me I did not just hear what I thought I heard.” Dick’s voice was flat and preternaturally calm, a detective arriving at the scene of a crime, analyzing and struggling to withhold judgement.

Dick: oh no who died

Dick, two seconds later: oh my god not again

“You were my first call.” Bruce offered the fact quickly, an olive branch to shelter under. He kept one hand on the wheel, one hand on the fussing baby in the backseat, and his focus on getting through this call. “I know I… haven’t handled this sort of thing well before. With you.”

Whatever else he may be, Bruce Wayne is a Dad Who Tries!!!!!

He was fumbling, words turning to sludge on his lips, gumming up with guilt and regret. It was always like that, for him. It was one of the reasons Bruce preferred the cowl. No one expected heartfelt speeches from a wraith out of Gotham’s darkest nightmares. Kids, though. Kids expected those sorts of things from their parents.

Always my favorite version of Bruce, this uneloquent and painfully aware version. Also, ironically, as best I remember this entire scene was one of the easier things I've written. I just watched it happen and took dictation.

He still had days with each of his children when seeing them at the breakfast counter or curled up in the den surprised him. That’s a living thing, he would think, and it’s mine, and he would be overwhelmed once more.

Literally me with my cats. The bit right before this about the choice crashing over him like a wave and taking him by surprise even years after the fact is a thing that happens to me. I adapt really quickly in the moment to various changes and then get hit with delayed, extended surprise. (But Bruce's literal surprised thoughts are me re: my cats.)

“As sure as I’ve ever been,” Bruce replied, and even he wasn’t sure which meaning he was reaching for.

Ah, duality. It's fun to think about which he might mean and which Dick might assume.

Still, it was a relief to have Alfred greet him at the door as if this were just another ordinary day and Bruce was not standing with his neck bent as a small child tugged on fistfuls of his hair.

What an an adorable art piece this would make. Not that I'm hinting. I just see it so clearly.

She was looking around with sedate interest, calm but alert, a monarch overlooking her domain. Or, Bruce realized with wry amusement, a cat eyeing a new box.

Please also know she's doing that little unbalanced head wiggle babies do when they're old enough to hold their head upright on their own but young enough to not do it well.

Bruce had planned on gathering all his children in the den, explaining as briefly as he could the circumstances of the baby’s arrival, and letting them make each other’s acquaintance. But his day had yet to go to plan, so why start now.

Drily wry Bruce is always so fun to write. He doesn't get to be as overtly funny as his kids, but I enjoy the humor.

It was an uncomfortable maneuver, since he had to bend further, almost double, to ease the tugging on his scalp until he could loose those little hands.

big man little baby BIG MAN LITTLE BABY

“I already have a sister,” he pointed out. Bruce was inclined to describe it as petulantly, but Damian managed to keep his bottom lip sucked in, if only just.

Damian: I claim none of you

Damian, confronted by a girl baby: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY BELOVED SISTER

also he's jus' a babyyyy

Damian recoiled further, and Bruce let Batman fall from his shoulders like a loosened cape.

can't get enough of this crap

Bruce wrapped his arm around Damian’s middle and pulled the boy into his side. Damian turned away so he couldn’t look at the baby, who was gabbling to herself as she gummed on Bruce’s thumb. Bruce rested his jaw against Damian’s temple, both to keep the boy still and to keep his voice low. The Manor was the securest place in Gotham, other than the Cave, but he would not risk this.

Sometimes writing the logistics of physicality is so difficult, but when it works for me, boy does it work.

Bruce let the question settle against his skin like mist before answering the same way he would again and again for years to come. “She is now.” He didn’t know. He suspected Selina truly didn’t either. Whatever the case, it didn’t matter, in the same way it didn’t matter that his blood didn’t course through Dick’s veins, that he wasn’t responsible for Jason’s broad shoulders or Tim’s blue eyes or Cassie’s dark hair or Duke’s dimples. They were his. And now this child was, too.

I think, in canon, she's supposed to be his, maybe. Don't know for sure, don't really care, and I don't think Bruce would either, as stated above.

“You will be her big brother,” Bruce continued softly. “That is a solemn charge that you cannot take lightly. As closest to her in age, she’ll look up to you. As she grows, she’ll mimic you—your words, your actions, your behaviors. Which means you’ll be in a unique position, perhaps more than any of us, to influence the person she becomes. Do you understand?”

10000% shamelessly used this exact tactic on a nibling when they acquired a younger sibling.

That was something new, the idea of being able to name a child himself.

Isn't that fun! I love names and naming things. I'm delighted he gets this opportunity. (More on this in a minute.)

Somehow, choosing a name felt like a larger responsibility than all of his former child-rearing experience put together. My car is called the Batmobile, Bruce thought despairingly as he watched his children watch each other.

Did I mention that I love drily deadpan Bruce? That line still makes me laugh.

“So does she do anything?” Tim asked. He was eyeing the baby in the same way he might a particularly florid insect—with interest, scientific remove, and no small amount of wariness. Cass wrinkled her nose but didn’t comment. “She’s a baby,” Duke pointed out with the typical fond exasperation he had picked up once the shine of the Manor had worn off. “What do you expect her to do?”

I loved trying to figure out how each kid would react and if there were ways they might respond to the new baby that would be surprising but still sensible. I'm not sure if I managed that, but I'm still pleased with how they all ended up, this weird little family of only children.

Bruce’s brain made a sparking noise, like a fork left in the microwave.

BZZT DING DING A DING A BZZT DING

“Uh, yeah? Got back on Monday. Why?” Why, why, why. Why were his children so distrustful, that’s what Bruce wanted to know. 

*taps the exhausted dry humor Bruce sign*

Bruce opened his eyes and stared at the baby shrieking inches from his face. Duke stood behind her, his hands clamped under her arms, and stared back impassively as she squealed into the phone.

Bruce has horrible children.

“B, what the—“ Bruce fought the urge to cover the baby’s ears, even though he was the only one who could hear the voice on the other end.

I love this stupid family.

There was an ominous gurgle from the baby. Duke looked at her, then at Bruce, then quickly handed her over. “Not it.”

I have literally watched hundreds of children in my life, related and unrelated. I have changed one (1) diaper, under duress, and immediately and deliberately forgot everything I was taught. J'refuse.

Helena, meaning bright, shining light, Bruce had explained almost bashfully to Selina. Selina, who had left town the same night Helena went home to the Manor but who saw each of Bruce’s texts and left the read receipt on so he would know. Selina, whose name meant moon. So she’ll always know where she came from.

Remember I said later? Later is now. As we were already spitting on canon, I was more than willing to change the kiddo's name if needed, but it turns out DC (I will be charitable and assume purposefully) chose a lovely, symbolic name that matched beautifully in a way that felt like Bruce. So I kept it. So Bruce did get to name a kid, but also not really because comics did it for him.

The legislation that he’d helped champion regarding the treatment of minors in the media hadn’t hurt either.

I think this was around the time there was a flurry of papparazzi nonsense and talk about this IRL with... Jolie kids or Cruise kids or something, I don't remember. Some grown adults being awful and pushy around famously related minors.

With each adoption, the celebrations had gotten smaller but more precious, the attendees a guard set in place, their names like a chant against hardship and a hymn of thankfulness.

I love this line, but I also think it's wrong now. I think the older Bruce gets, the more firmly he cements the relationships he trusts the most, but also the more he meets people deserving of that trust. Loner, low-key terrified Bruce wouldn't have held a gala to celebrate Dick's appearance. He would have gone full feral shields up. Maybe with Jason he would have given half a thought to expectations and appearances, but with a street kid like Jason, he would've wanted that child shielded from the horrible people in his social circle. And so on and so forth. By now he has his friends, but also his kids' friends, their allies both in domino and out.

Bruce vowed it, down in the deepest part of his heart, the core of him that let him lead a team of aliens and demigods, that made a double life possible and dressing as an armored animal a feasible life choice. A life choice he would not let the baby in his arms emulate.

I too sometimes have a deadpan sense of humor. Shocking, I know.

I take that final line not so much as full self-criticism but an acknowledgement that Bruce's children are all driven to the caped life in the same way he was—by trauma and loss and the need to fix Gotham—and all came to him with that drive already installed. With Helena, being separated from Selina is a trauma, even for an infant, but as is stated throughout the fic, Selina will remain fully present and involved as much as she wishes to be. And Bruce will brave hell and high water and even worse to keep this child from experiencing the kinds of trauma that brought his other children to him and into their other life.

She was already a wonder to him, his little moonbeam, a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a taffeta-heavy party dress with a matching headband.

The bookmark was right. Let this man be a girldad!!!! (I'd briefly considered writing a followup to this, where Cass had to sort complicated emotions about not being the only girl in the house. Never got enough reaction in the early days, though. Something about it or the tags or something attracted a larger than usual contingent of "okay but Bruce is a bad dad" crowd. Bleh.)

He realized he looked like his father, but with airbrushed grey hairs and crow’s feet lines that Thomas Wayne had never had the time to gather. He realized he looked happy.

me @ me: ow????

As stated in the before-cut stats, this ranks decently high in terms of all my fics????? Somehow????????? I can usually get a decent bead on reception just based on how option a fic shows up in my inbox or people reference it on Tumblr or whatever, but this one apparently was a sleeper to only me. Stunned. Bewildered.

[lovebeinaprincessworld]

Challenging fate (Tom Riddle x reader)

soulmate!au

Chapter 2

Masterlist

Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Epilogue

Description: There were a lot of unexpected things happening the day of the Battle of Hogwarts. Being send back into the past to change the course of history was definitely one of them.

3235 words

„Can you pass me the butter?“, Ruth asked you the next morning at the breakfast table. You already found out that she was Ernie’s great aunt. It was weird to sit together with old relatives of the people you were going to school with before, you even overheard someone talking to a certain Diggory, which you figured was probably Cedrics grandpa. If you succeeded, would Cedric be still alive?

Passing her the butter, you were trying to keep your head down - as you were doing the whole morning already - in fear of the moment you’d lay eyes on Tom Riddle for the first time. Yes you knew this was what you were there for, but you weren’t ready for that just yet. Also you didn’t think in the middle of breakfast in the great hall would be the perfect place to do this. You did however know that he was here, because about fifteen minutes ago the atmosphere in the hall completely shifted and you felt a strong urge to look in the direction of the Slytherin table.

You weren’t really hungry, because your nerves were upsetting your stomach so you just shoved down a piece of bread before talking with the girls about which lessons you hoped to share with them. „Miss Granger, would you mind coming with me? I still need to give you your timetable“, Professor Dumbledore’s voice interrupted you from behind. „Of course sir“, you got up from your place next to Edith. „See you later!“, you waved at them and followed Dumbledore out of the Hall.

„I hope you slept well on your first night here“, Dumbledore said, leading you through the corridors. „Yes sir, I did actually. I was so exhausted I fell asleep immediately“, you told him following the Professor up a staircase. „And the girls in your dorm are nice too?“, he looked at you over the rim of his glasses. „Yes they are, but I did notice some…familiarities“, you smiled and came to a stop infront of his office. Following him through the door, you two sat down at his desk. “I thought you might”, he nodded along while pulling out something from his desk.

„First things first, here is your timetable Miss Granger. I tried to base it off of the letter my future self drafted for me“, Professor Dumbledore handed you a piece of parchment with your timetable drawn onto it, „I did however had to make some adjustments, you see at this time Hogwarts is offering a class called ‚Magical Housekeeping‘ which is attended by almost all girls in fifth year. I thought it would be suspicious to not have you attend it.“

Magical Housekeeping? This was really showing you, you were indeed in the past. You could already make out the tendency of the girls to rather get themselves a good match than to work towards having a job or something, which was probably the standard for this time. You did learn in History of Magic that in earlier times people did not pay as much mind to finding their soulmates, as it was highly regarded to have a successful marriage. In the case that people did find their soulmates (which was rarer than in the future - possibly because people didn’t actively search for theirs) some people were heard of rejecting them if they didn’t fit their standards or their parents made them do it. And even if people went on to marry - in their eyes - more successful partners, those who reject or get rejected by their soulmate would never feel true happiness and love again.

„Alright Professor thank you!“, you focused back on your timetable once more, happy that you at least had some familiar subjects again, Herbology and Care for magical Creatures always being your favorite.

„Now to move on to a more touchy subject, I could observe that Tom did notice something was different earlier at breakfast“, Dumbledore brought your mind back to the topic you’ve pushed away since yesterday. „I noticed too“, you answered after a short break, „I could feel it immediately when he entered the hall, though I forced myself not to look at him. Figured it wouldn’t be the best place to do this.“

„Yes yes, I quite agree with you there Miss Granger. I don’t know how he will react to the eye contact that will reveal your soulbound, because my older self seemed to have found out that Tom was conceived while his father was under the influence of a love potion. This means Tom has not been able to experience love to this day. Which explains a lot.“

„Then it was probably best I didn’t do it yet. I also thought about how to do it, but I just figured I would wait until there is an opportunity where we are alone. I have no idea how to get him alone though, without looking into his eyes atleast“, you thoughtfully answered, wrecking you brain for an idea. „Mhm, a difficult situation indeed. Maybe the fact that Tom does already notice something could help you with that, but I trust you will be able to find a good opportunity“, he said with a calming smile, „I think you have to hurry now though or you will be late to your first lesson! You can always come to my office if you are in need of anything Miss Granger.“

————————

You had managed to escape Tom Riddles gaze for about a week now, and you had to admit the 40s were really a completely different world. The subjects were kind of similar at least, but the one subject you definitely wouldn’t warm up to was Magical Housekeeping. It was actually just a course where a witch named Misses Paterson was demonstrating a few spells that were used in the kitchen or something and the rest of the lesson everyone was just gossiping about securing a good match and who took who to Slughorns latest gathering.

Apart from that you did get on really well with your roommates, eventhough you couldn’t really contribute anything to their conversations about boys, but thank god it wasn’t the only thing they talked about. They did however - as did almost all girls at Hogwarts - talk about Tom Riddle. It did come to your attention that all of the female Hogwarts students were fawning over the Slytherin prefect, but you could only ever think about the cruel things he would go on to do in the future.

This however was a thought you always tried to push away, reminding yourself that this wasn’t Voldemort but Tom Riddle. And you did also notice that Tom Riddle was slowly narrowing down that feeling that something was different (that Dumbledore brought to your attention) to you. He didn’t outright approach you yet, but you could feel his eyes on you whenever you had a lesson together. You were sure it was only a matter of time before he finally decided to do so, and before that happened you needed to either approach him when he was alone or get him to approach you when you were alone. And that was certainly easier said than done, because he was seemingly always surrounded by his Slytherin Gang - as the girls in your dorm called them. It consisted of a few well-known names - at least to you.

Avery, Malfoy, Lestrange, Rosier and Nott were just as much bullies as their offspring was and especially the muggleborns of Hogwarts got to experience that. You were lucky enough to only be called mudblood a few times for now, other muggleborns haven’t been so lucky. Just yesterday Grace Murphy had to be brought to the Hospital Wing, because her hands grew to the size of watermelons. Of course nobody could be linked to that, like it always seemed to be the case from what Ruth told me. Everyone knew it was Toms gang that was responsible but somehow not one serious offense could be proved to be committed by them.

So it seemed that eventhough Riddle hadn’t killed anyone yet he surely wasn’t a friendly guy either. Sighing you made your way to your favorite table in the back of the library. You still had to finish your essay for Professor Slughorn, having been putting it off til the last moment again. Pulling out your Potions book and opening it at the chapter about polyjuice potion, you started with the essay that was supposed to be written about possible outcomes of mistakes you could make while brewing it.

Picking up your quill, you noticed out of the corner of your eye that Avery and Riddle where entering your section of the library. You were actually more feeling it than seeing it. Considering it was already late and curfew wasn’t far away, the library was almost deserted and you saw this as the perfect opportunity to try and get Riddle alone. You just had to get him away from Avery. It seemed like Slughorns essay had to wait again.

Putting together a plan, you decided you “needed” an additional book that would require you to pass close by Riddle and Avery. This would mean being as close to Riddle as never before and maybe that would be what would make him follow you into the back of the library. When they had settled down, you brought your plan into action. Clutching your essay to your chest, so you looked legit, you made your way through the small corridor between the two shelves in the direction of the two Slytherins.

Tom was sitting with his back to you but you noticed that he tensed up as if feeling your presence. Avery meanwhile was just staring at his parchment in confusion. Forcing yourself to slow down as to maximize the effect, you walked by right next to them, probably less than 50cm away from Toms shoulder. And even if you were feeling guilty to admit this - as this would turn out to be the person that would wreck havoc over your friends - you were feeling the effect of this closeness too.

Hoping he hadn’t been able to hear your heartbeat, you turned a corner that brought you into a completely abandoned section of the library. This looked like some dimly lit corner with books about antidotes and poisons, but the books looked rather rundown. Before you could get lost in your thoughts though, you could hear footsteps coming closer and your heart was thudding in your chest.

You could feel that it was in fact Riddle, but now that he was stopping right behind you, you weren’t so sure that you were ready. But it didn’t really matter anyway, because there was no way you could get yourself out of this situation anymore. „Hello“, said a smooth voice behind you, sending a shiver down your frame. Your body reacted without you really having a say in it: „Hello.“ You could feel Riddle taking another step forward, towering over you, now standing so close that it would be deemed improper for this time period.

„Is there a particular reason you are not turning around Miss Granger?“, his voice was a pleasantly deep pitch. You weren’t really suprised that he knew your name. „No of course not“, you answered with a small voice and finally turned around, your eyes glued to his feet. „It’s considered impolite not to make eyecontact“, you knew he tried to get you to look at him, your knees immediately weakening at the sound of his slightly arrogant and demanding voice. „There’s something I…“, you try to explain but didn’t have the bravery to finish the sentence. „What is it?“, he now asked with more urgency his head lowering trying to catch your eye.

You closed your eyes for a second, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm yourself and then raised your head to a point where you could feel his eyes roam over your face. Another deep breath in, and you finally opened your eyes, immediately meeting Tom Riddles dark eyes.

The effect was almost instantly, the feeling of devotion and longing almost swiped you of your feet, your world shifting into place. This was more than love at first sight, it was as if your whole being aligned with his and all your worries about the future and who he’d become were temporarily pushed aside. You could understand everyone’s reaction to finding there soulmate now, briefly remembering the day Ginny turned 15 and ran into Harry the next morning in the burrow.

On him however the effect seemed to be tremendously stronger. His eyes widened almost comically. Tom let out a suffocated gasp clutching his hand to his chest and furrowing his brows. Letting out a strangled groan he could no longer hold himself up, sinking to his knees while squeezing his eyes shut.

Panicking because he looked like he was in pain, you fell to your knees infront of him right away, your hands releasing your essay which fell to the ground. „Tom! Tom are you alright?“, you tried to get his attention while keeping your voice down, really not wanting anyone else witnessing this moment. Getting no reaction from him except more overwhelmed noises, your hands gently cradled his face as if it’s already absolutely normal.

His eyes opened right away, finding yours again and he pressed out: „It’s…it’s too much…Ahh…“ „It’s alright, it’s alright“, you whispered trying to calm him, still not knowing what’s going on, „come on, why don’t we sit down over there, can you stand?“

Helping him get up, you wrapped your arm around his waist and you two slowly made your way over to the bench infront of the bay window. Sitting down you released his waist, but he immediately grabbed your hands again, his breathing still strained. Giving him time to calm down, you sat together in silence, while your focus shifted to the way your hands were held by his and the way that made you feel. No matter how corny this’ll sound, you didn’t ever want to let go.

You heard the rain tapping on the window, while Tom slowly got his breathing under control. „You…you are my soulmate.“, he finally opened his mouth with an almost steady voice. „Yeah I guess“, you muttered biting your lips, your eyes trained on your hands and suddenly not being brave enough to meet his. What would happen now? Would he be happy? Would he reject you? Would he let you change his mind or would he try to include you in his plans?

„I did not think that I would have a soulmate“, he told you and you remembered Dumbledore telling you about the love potion he was conceived under. Still, you had to act like you didn’t know anything at all, looking at him confused: „Why would you think that? Doesn’t everyone?“ His dark eyes searched yours, and you were briefly worried; remembering that he was already skilled at legilimency, but he continued before you could dwell on the thought too much.

„Yes you’re right, forget what I said it doesn’t matter“, he said and it was obvious to you that eventhough he believed you were his soulmate, he still didn’t outright trust you. „How are we going to do this?“, you asked, unsure how to proceed. „I’m not quite sure I know what you mean Miss Granger“, he had a small smile on his face, but his voice sounded a little on edge.

„I mean, do you want to keep this“ - you let go of his left hand and gestured between you two - „a secret? Or should we let people know? Or I mean do you even want me as you soulmate?“, the last question just burst out of you and you immediately blushed lowering your gaze.

You didn’t mean for that to come out, but just because this was a mission didn’t mean you weren’t still a teenage girl meeting your soulmate for the first time. And considering it was normal in this time to reject your soulmate if you saw fit and with Tom being so sought-after and admittedly goodlooking, you were feeling slightly insecure.

„Excuse me?“, he said with a sharp voice taking his free hand and pulling your chin upwards to look at him, „Yes, I want you as my soulmate and yes I want people to know. Why would you even think that I don’t?“ He looked almost angry, making you even more nervous. Still it made you feel some type of way that he seemed to be so sure.

„I-it’s just I’m muggleborn and I mean I’ve had a few run-ins with your friends“, you said biting your lip anxiously, „I don’t think they’d be too happy with me.“ His eyes were not moving from yours and you couldn’t look away. Second after second went by and he seemed deep in thought, his jaw clenched and no emotion visible on his face. Finally he seemed to have made a decision. „Trust me, you do not have to worry about them from now on. And it does not matter that you are muggleborn“, he said and you released a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

„Okay“, you said with a shaky voice, but you couldn’t fight the smile that was making its way onto your face. If he didn’t want to be with you, Voldemort- no, Tom would never tell you he didn’t care about you being muggleborn. Maybe it was possible to change him.

His hand went from your chin to your face and his thumb softly traced your cheek. You blushed again, the effects of the soulmate bond really starting to settle in now. His eyes looked way softer now, not as sharp as before. The clock in the library chimed three times, disrupting the moment and announcing that there were only ten minutes left until curfew.

Tom cleared his throat and pulled his hand back, his face getting that guarded look again. „Allow me to escort you back to you common room Miss Granger?“, he asked overly polite and stood up, clasping his hands behind his back. „I’d like that“, you couldn’t suppress a slight giggle, „and you can call me (Y/N), Tom.“ He just nodded, but his posture relaxed a little bit.

You picked up your unfinished essay (which would definitely be a problem tomorrow in potions) and lead the way to the tables you were sitting at previously and noticed Avery was already gone. „I told him to go before I came after you, I figured something like this would happen“, Tom explained, noticing that you noticed. „Makes sense“, you smiled while starting to pack your things into your bookbag, Tom being faster and waiting right next to you.

„Let me“, he held out his hands after you put your last book in the bag, looking at you with one eyebrow raised. For a moment you were confused about what he wanted, but you quickly handed him the bag once you realized he wanted to carry it for you. Only being used to the boys from your time, this was such a cute act that made you feel all warm inside.

He slung your bag over the same shoulder his was on, before holding out his elbow to you. Understanding faster this time you looped your arm through his and couldn’t stop the blush from creeping up your neck. This was all so oldfashioned, but you had to admit you really liked it.

—————————

Second part already! If you want me to tag you in the new parts just lmk <3

@darkenwolfie

[no-see-um-incorrect]

This is to help y’all recover from this summit 

My versions of redacted GEN 2

If you guys like the small character profiles I’ve made I will continue  also, this is my opinion based off my headcannons for the listeners 

Sorry if the formatting is a bit everywhere

Shaw pack edition (I don’t own this art(i used a picrew) I haven’t had time to make any)

 Gabriel Shaw

“my father made this pack what it is today and I will do my very best to honor that legacy”-Gabriel Shaw

He/him/his

Age: 16 

Parents: David/Angel Shaw

Best friend: sparrow 

Favorite activity: when his dad takes him on a low level security job 

Favorite food: uncle Milo’s Swiss mushroom jackfruit  burger (don’t tell his dad)

Favorite color: “vampire gold~… I mean Ju-just gold I guess..I don’t know….why are you asking me?!”

He’s quiet, and at most times very formal, Takes alpha training VARY seriously (David and Angel are trying to help him ease up)

Loves writing poetry and stories in his free time, Does not have his drivers license (and is the only person in his age who isn’t allowed to get it till he’s 19)

Has his eyes on a particular vampire princess

————————————————————————

 another Shaw child

She/her/hers

Ashlyn Shaw 

“What do you think?……Caelum says cookies first”-Ashlyn Shaw

Age: 9

Favorite color: Green

Favorite activity: teasing her brother 

Favorite food: daddy’s bacon mac & cheese 

She is an actual menace (takes after her parent) when she was little little and just starting her menace tendencies, David would call her “Littler snot” 

Was the youngest of her pack to fully shift.

She can see caelum

————————————————————————

 she/her/they/them

Maria Greer jr (MJ for short)

“yeah, that’s GREER put some respect on the name”-MJ Greer

Age: 16

Has stealth abilities (but much like her dad sucks at shifting)

Best friend: Astrid Collins 

Parents: Milo/Sweetheart Greer 

Favorite food: “Law & order with a side of spite!…you can’t say that hun…Fiiine….BBQ rice bowl…”

Favorite activity: learning about history 

She wants to be a Reporter.

ABSOLUTE DADDYS GIRL

Loves hearing her dad tell the story of the inversion  but the way Milo tells it frames it so that she doesn’t actually know it’s him and she has made it her life‘s mission to figure out what happened that night  and the identity of the “mystery hero” her dad would tell her about 

————————————————————————

Sparrow Talbot

“I may or may not have ran face first into a tree….you didn’t see that”-Sparrow Talbot

Age: 17

Parents: Asher/Baabe Talbot

They/them/theirs 

Best friend: Gabriel

Favorite activity: wolf Zoomiez 

Favorite food: “last meal” no one knows what that means 

When they first adopted them they were very quiet, very calm, very chill. And then Asher shifted in front of them for the first time. And they have been a rambunctious dumbASS since then (and we love them for it)

They always have snacks and drinks on them, seemingly out of nowhere because they don’t carry a bag.

Unlike their father, they actually can cook and they’re pretty freaking great at it.

(all of the scars are from eating shit in wolf form, and not wanting to hear Marie’s lectures)

————————————————————————

Astrid Collins 

They/she/him

“and so what if I replace Alexis‘s shampoo with Nair…OH COME ON IT WAS FUNNY!”-Astrid Collins 

Age: technically 16

Favorite activity: snooping around places they’re not supposed to be (urban exploration)

Empowered: ???? Vampire+???

Best friend: MJ

Favorite food: “anything papa cooks is good I don’t really need to eat though”

Loves to play pranks mostly targeted at Alexis…….OK always targeted at Alexis. 

Sam found her one day when she was little and turned her then when he brought her home and got her through the newborn stage…. she started displaying elemental abilities??? But also vampire abilities??? But she also grows up and ages like a human???? so yeah bit of a mystery 

They are pretty standoffish  they don’t talk a lot and they’re pretty rough around the edges (Darlin who?)

Very attached to Sam (as you can expect) but also extremely attached to Darlin

he built his prosthetic himself  out of an old VCR, a broken toaster, a ripped up T-shirt and scrap metal 

————————————————————————

 And that was my next gen Shaw pack kids

Hope you enjoyed and give me suggestions on like little details for them and other characters (I really wanna do the damn crew but I need suggestions) i’m gonna say it again. These are based off of my headcannons for the listeners feel free to disagree with my opinion just don’t be mean about it (we’re just having fun here)

If you can’t tell, I was a Monster High/ever after high kid And I love writing shit like this 

[thot-son-of-odin]

20 Questions For Writers

I’m taking @galaxythreads’ post as unofficial tagging because I want to do this lol

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

23!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

102,192

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Thor (unfortunately the hyperfixation has taken root)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. midas is king (and he holds me so tight)

2. a shrike to your sharp

3. be as you’ve always been

4. I am loved (I am loved)

5. our truth is burned from history (this is actually my favorite of all five, I’m glad it’s on here haha)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to, I haven’t really been recently since I’ve been busy (and lazy) but I wanna start doing it again.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This since the situation that Thor and Loki in does not get resolved lol,,,,,maybe I should write a sequel.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I actually thought most of mine ended happyish but I’m realizing the really happy ending is probably this one???

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

Not really? I’ve been getting some weird anonymous comments that aren’t hate??? They’re just odd. And I feel like they come from the same person too. I’m not bothered by it, I’m just,,,,,,confused????

9. Do you write smut?

Yes! I only have one smut fic so far but I want to write more!

10. Do you write crossovers?

No, I’m just not really interested in them.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, and hopefully that never happens

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet! Blanket permission if anyone ever wants to, please just let me know!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes and I love doing it! It’s so much fun, plus you have another person to complain to when the fic isn’t going the way you want!

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

Thor and Loki, but both platonically and romantically if that makes sense? I am a brodinsons fan before I am a thorki fan.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have too many, writing is hard :’(

16. What’s your writing strengths?

I like to think I have a good head for plotting and coming up with ideas

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Actually writing down what I have planned. People should look thru my idea list and write some of the fics I’ve thought of lol

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Think it can be good in small quantities if you’re simply using google translate but if you’re trying to write a lot in that language, you should probably either already know it or ask for help from someone who does. As a reader tho, it’s not entirely helpful unless there’s a translation also given — I think it takes you out of the fic if you have to look it up

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Doctor who

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Hmm I feel like my fav fic shifts from week to week. Right now it’s mother make me a big gray cloud because it’s the longest I’ve written and it’s also finished!! So super excited about it!

Tagging @babygirlthor, @worstloki, @thorarms, @nostalgia-tblr, @shinysoroka, @thortwenty151, @colifower, and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

[rotten-hearts-sharp-teeth]

Building off of one of your tags, what is your favourite werewolf lore that you've incorporated, the one you love but couldn't use? And finally, the million dollar question: why didn't Millenium make more werewolves?

Do you suppose the curse wasn't contagious in the Hellsing Universe? The slim chance they couldn't get Hans to turn anyone into a werewolf? Or maybe Doc couldn't replicate it, despite being able to replicate vampirism?

Thank you for the ask! I've been meaning to write something for the werewolf lore in my AU but haven't had the motivation before now. Get ready, because we are about to deep dive into something I put entirely too much thought and effort into.

My favorite lore that I incorporated was actually the base for my story. As a paranormal romance reader, I enjoy the Fated Mates/ Mate Mark werewolf trope. There is something poetic and beautiful about being magically bound to the person you love for eternity. Unfortunately, I am also a horror media enthusiast :) I wondered how that would work if the werewolf you were bound to was actually the horror movie version. Bad boys in those types of stories always end up with a heart of gold, but what if they were not a good person? What if the monster was actually a monster?

An American Werewolf in London, Wolfenstein and Hellsing gave me my answer. Enter: Hans. Because there is no worse monster that I can think of than a n*zi werewolf.

One detail about werewolves that I absolutely love but wasn't able to use, is the brutal transformation sequence. I love skin ripping, bones snapping, graphic and gory transformations. I love the imagery of the beastly feral side literally ripping through the human visage. I couldn't use a damn bit of it though because HIRANO already set the canon for werewolves in the Hellsing universe 😒 but anyway. Mist shifting is nice too. I guess.

Ok! Now on to the big question. I would like to state that I am in no way bashing anyone who uses curse werewolves for their Hellsing AU. All werewolves are valid.

For me personally, I could not figure out why the third reich would go through all the trouble of making an army of artificial vampires when they had a perfectly good werewolf already under their control. If it was a curse or virus or something contagious, why only use one? It made no sense to me. Feral werewolves could have been dropped on the battlefield like ghouls. Virginal requirements (like vampires need) wouldn't have been an issue since they literally raised children to be soldiers. So, with those questions in mind, I decided to make my werewolves a different species. In my AU werewolves can only be born. They are not created and have never been human. That's why they are almost extinct and that's why my version of Hans behaves the way he does.

Now for some Midian history.

My werewolves are descended from an ancient species of shapeshifter that took the form of two apex predators during its time: dire wolves and early humans. This species went extinct of course, but their descendants spread out and became regional subspecies.

Hans is the last Werewulf. His species comes from the Black Forest of Germany and is where the legends originated. Werewulfs developed away from humanity, so they didn't need to appear that human up close. It's why Hans has such an inhuman mouth and lacks the ability to speak. He looks human enough from far away, but up close it is obvious that he is not. I have a long, extensive backstory on what happened to his pack and why he joined the war, but I think I'll save that for another time.

I will note that werewulfs cannot breed with humans. They are too far apart genetically.

Sabine is a Loup Garou and her genetics are a little more confusing. Loups developed closer to humanity and are more human passing than their German counterparts. Sabine's grandmother was a werewolf. Her grandfather was technically human, but carried a recessive werewolf gene that he passed on to her mother. Sabine's father was human, but Sabine ended up a very unlikely recessive werewolf. Her werewolf nature remained dormant until the ritual that bound her to Hans awakened that part of her. Sabine, like her grandmother, could only have reproduced with another werewolf or someone who carried the recessive gene.

So to sum it up, I do think the n*zis tried to make more werewolves. Once they found out it wasn't contagious, they formed the first breeding program. When that ended badly, they gave up on werewolves and focused their energy on something that they knew WAS transferable to human soldiers. Vampirism and the production of ghouls. The end.

[postwarlevi]

The Captains Kids Essence of Christmas

Content: 2.5k words of taking six young adults to pick a Christmas tree

Extras: one more story for @levi-supreme Happy Birthday Levi event! I had a wonderful time writing and hope you all enjoy another fluffy slice of life piece!

-------------------------

It's rare that you get up before your husband who is an early riser. But it happens sometimes, like today.

You make his favorite tea and a light breakfast for you both and put it on a serving tray.

"Levi?" You whisper as you step back into the room.

You see him shift in the bed and he groans.

"Morning love. Time to wake up." You say merrily as you come closer.

"No, I'm sick." He says, coughing unconvincingly.

"You are not, now sit up." You roll your eyes as he pouts and props up his pillow.

"Thank you." He says as you set his breakfast down and kiss his cheek.

"You're welcome. Now eat up, we have a long day ahead of us." You slip back into bed and take your own plate.

"Do we have to?" Levi asks after he swallows a bite.

You laugh and sip your tea. "Yes, you promised."

He shakes his head. "I'm pretty sure I didn't."

You kiss his cheek. "Oh, that must've been me then."

He groans. "How do you talk me into these things?"

You feed him a bite to get him to be quiet.

"I know they're a handful sometimes, but they adore you and look up to you."

You're talking about the cadets of course. Even though Levi can be grumpy sometimes, they've all attached themselves to him whether he likes it or not. To be honest, you're pretty sure he does like it.

"As long as you come and help me when they get rowdy. They like you." He says, leaning in to nuzzle your neck.

You giggle at the tickle. "I like them too. And you're not so bad either." You say playfully.

You finish eating and clean up, getting dressed to go out.

You're taking them to a Christmas tree lot to get a tree or two. There's places closer but this one let's you cut your own and they're all excited for the experience.

Just as you get done there's a loud knock on the door and you can already hear the commotion outside.

Levi groans, still not quite ready as you smile and open the door. "Good morning!"

You greet them one by one as they come in, hugging Sasha and Mikasa, saying hello to Eren, Jean and Connie, taking a small wrapped gift from Armin.

"Oh, what's this?" You ask surprised.

"Just a tiny gift Mrs Ackerman, to say thanks." He knows half the time Levi agrees to do things with them is because of you. Not that Levi doesn't care about them, but he knows it's a lot when they're all together.

"It's nothing major, but we all chipped in a little bit." He explains.

"Thank you!" You smile and put it on the kitchen counter for later.

Levi greets them all. "Have you guys had breakfast?"

"Yes, we ate." Mikasa tells him.

"But we could always eat again!" Connie, says, earning an elbow from Jean.

"You brats are always hungry." Levi says as he grabs some things.

"But it's an hour drive!" Sasha whines.

You pat her head. "Don't worry, we have snacks." You pull out the bags of trail mix for each of them.

"But if you dare spill in my car you walk home." Levi says, probably not joking.

"He's joking, but there's napkins in case. And bottles of water. Here." You hand them out and they all thank you.

"So who is in who's car?" Eren asks.

You're taking both yours and Levis car to drive and let the young adults relax.

"You aren't with him." Levi points to Jean and Eren, who have a history of silly arguments.

"Good, I don't wanna ride with him anyway." Jean rolls his eyes.

"Boys." You interrupt them before Eren can respond and they both stop, Levi smirking.

"Jean, Sasha, you're with me." You start splitting them up.

You could take Jean or Eren, they both listen to you pretty well. As much as Levi doesn't mind Sasha, she can get a little anxious from sitting for a while so would rather keep her with you.

Levi claims Connie to keep him and Sasha separete so they don't give you a headache, and Mikasa wants to ride with Eren, so Armin will also go in your car.

"Alright guys, let's go!" You unlock your cars and everyone starts piling in.

"You have the directions?" You ask Levi to be sure, giving him an extra water bottle.

"Yes, I'll meet you there." You share a kiss and get into your cars.

"Alright, buckle up!" Armin sits next to you, Jean and Sasha in the back.

In Levis car Eren is in front, with Mikasa and Connie in the back.

Everyone waves to each other as you both take off.

Armin plugs his phone in to charge while it helps you navigate, and you put the radio on to classic rock which Jean and Sasha seem to enjoy.

Once on the highway they start eating their trail mix and thank you for providing it.

"So, Sasha, how are you and Niccolo?" You ask, knowing about the new guy she's been seeing.

Sasha blushes. "Oh, we're good! He made dinner for my whole family last week."

"Yeah, and Sasha ate it all" Jean teases her, earning him a punch to the arm.

"Ouch!" Jean rubs the spot. Sasha hits hard.

"Stop it." You say sternly, but let out a chuckle, Armin smiling as well.

"Well, I'm glad he gets along with your family. That's important."

You talk a bit more, listening to Jean tell you about school and Armin try to talk to you about his new love of classic film, barely heard as Jean and Sasha sing along to the radio loudly in the back seat.

"Levi and I love old films. They play them every Friday at 10pm at the theater." You tell him.

"Really? I'll look into that. Thanks."

Just then you get a phone call from Levi and put it on speaker.

"Hi sweetheart, we're almost there, right?"

"Thank goodness. Are your three being as obnoxious as mine? They won't stop with the Christmas songs."

Sure enough you hear Eren and Connie screaming Christmas songs in the background, making you laugh.

"We'll switch on the way back. You can have the classic rock trio." You smile at your pretty well behaved passengers.

"It's either that or I leave these fools behind. Mikasas alright though." Levi doesn't mind her.

You hang up a few minutes later and turn the radio down to help you navigate and find the tree lot ten minutes later, parking next to Levi.

Connie and Sasha jump out and run to each other as if they haven't seen each other in weeks. Jean joins in and Armin smiles and goes to see Eren and Mikasa, before Eren joins in the other trio pile as well, all going to get the supplies out of the cars.

Levi comes over and squeezes your hand. "Take Connie, I beg you." He whines and you giggle. He can't switch Eren cause that would leave him and Jean together.

"Awe, alright, but, you get Sasha." You're pretty sure you can handle an hour with Connie.

Levi ponders. "Give me Armin." He barters, because Sasha and Eren will probably wreck havoc as well.

You shake you head, because Connie and Sasha together is way worse. "No no, no more switching kids. Come on now." You kiss his cheek as he sighs.

"Do we have everything guys?" You ask as they all have things from the car to help cut down and lug back a couple trees.

"Yes!" Everyone says, excited to get started.

You leave the ropes behind to tie the trees later, let Mikasa and Armin hold the hand saws, so no one else starts sword fighting, as Jean and Eren carry the tarps.

Sasha and Connie run ahead happily, and Levi kisses your cheek, pulling you close as you walk behind them.

Levi has the guide to what trees are where, all different pines, firs and spruces.

Even though they're getting further away you can hear all the kids arguing about where to go first.

You squeeze Levis hand and he actually smiles. Seeing how happy they are is worth all the overplayed Christmas songs in the car.

"The further out we go the longer it'll take to get back to the car." You're not sure how this is going to work.

"Don't worry, they'll be the ones lugging them back." Levi says with a chuckle.

Armin doubles back and comes to walk with you.

"Connie took my saw." He rolls his eyes and you laugh. It was bound to happen.

"That's all right. Have you decided where to start?" You ask.

"Jean wants a fir, Eren wants a spruce, Connie likes pine. I have no idea." Armin sighs.

You laugh again and Levi pats Armins back. "Well, we have some time. Let's just start with the pines, they're closest. And this way Eren and Jean can't argue too much." Levi makes a plan and Armin goes to call everyone back.

All the boys run ahead to that area of trees and Mikasa and Sasha follow, laughing with each other.

As you get closer there's lots of "this one!" and "no, this one!" goings back and fourth.

"Well, let's see here." Levi looks at the ones they have their hands on and looks at the guide.

It turns out it's not that easy as now Connie wants a spruce but Sasha likes the pines and everyone goes back and fourth.

"We can't get six trees." Mikasa says a little sarcastically.

"It's fine, let's keep looking." You look at the pines more then go over to the spruces.

"This ones nice!" You say hopeful that someone will agree.

Eren, Connie and Mikasa like it very much, but it's not a complete hit.

"Let's just get them two trees." Levi whispers to you making you giggle.

It is in fact getting later. You've been wandering a while.

"Let's at least look at the firs." You suggest and everyone agrees and you head in that direction.

"They're beautiful!" Sasha stares at the large, full, green trees.

Armin and Jean like them too, as do you.

Levi watches you look at them and feel the branches, stopping at a particular one.

"What do you think?" You ask him, for your own tree.

"It's perfect." Levi doesn't need the guide to tell him whatever you pick out is the one.

"Okay guys, this one!" Armin is at least determined to get you the tree you want, and everyone takes turns with the hand saw until it finally comes loose.

You smile and thank them as they put it in the tarp and Levi, Eren, Connie and Sasha go to load it onto one of the cars.

"Alright, it's getting late. What's the decision?" You ask Jean, Armin and Mikasa while waiting for the others.

"We think you should pick one." Mikasa tells you their thoughts.

"Oh, but, I just did." The one being taken to the car now.

"We know and it's perfect." Armin smiles.

"That's why we want you to pick ours." Jean explains.

You stand there for a moment before smiling widley, pulling them all in for a hug.

"And it's okay with the others?" You ask to be sure, and they nod.

When Levi gets back with the other three you double check again and Sasha, Connie and Eren have already told Levi they want you to pick one, so it's official.

There is no more arguing over which way or what tree, and you find yourselves back at the pine trees and everyone admires the one you like the best and get to cutting it.

While they do the work and start lugging it back, Levi kisses your cheek as you walk back to the cars.

It's getting dark and will be so by the time you get back. It's been a long day but everyone is happy.

The trees are secure on the cars and you and Levi gather the kids in the car in the arrangement you set earlier.

But it turns out you didn't need to because still 45 minutes from home and every one of them is sleeping while you and Levi drive.

You're not sure how they can sleep through classic rock, but are afraid to turn it down and wake them up.

In his car, Levi smiles because he's having the same dilemma, so just leaves the radio at the volume it's at.

Once you're home you park in your driveway and get out, taking a moment to yourselves.

"I love you." Levi hugs you as you wrap your arms around his neck.

"I love you." You kiss his lips. "Now, let's wake these kids up." You say with a smile and he nods.

You shake everyone awake and they wake up sleepily and slowly get out of the cars.

Everyone helps get the trees off and you make them all hot chocolate while they get your tree standing up.

"Thank you all. We're decorate tomorrow, it's late." You look at your watch.

"Thank you for today." Everyone is grateful that you both took the time out to do this for them.

"You're welcome. Now get out." Levi says, but this time, he is joking.

Everyone says goodbye and you watch the boys load the other tree onto their car and wave from the window when they're ready to go.

You sigh and go sit down on the couch. "Whew! We made it."

"We did. It was kind of fun." Levi says from the kitchen.

He doesn't even question them anymore when they want to hang out with you. As long as it's not every day, he can handle it, and you seem to like it too.

Levi picks up the gift that Armin had left and brings it to you on the couch, sitting next to you.

"How thoughtful." You say as you open it up and inspect it.

It's a small Christmas wall clock that when an extra battery is put in plays holiday songs on the hour. Not only can you take it out to stop the music when it's not December, but it's also light activated so during the evening will be quiet and during the day will play.

You'll just have to take the battery out for nap time.

Levi smiles. "That's very cute." He admits, kissing your temple as he sees you smile as well.

You put your gift on the counter to find a spot for it tomorrow, get a small snack and head up to bed.

Snuggled close in bed together you look into each others eyes.

"Are you happy sweetheart?" You ask, stroking his cheek.

He gives a tiny nod. "Yes love. Getting to spend my life with you makes me very happy."

Levi holds you close as you both fall asleep together.

As long as you're with him, Levi can deal with all the young adults and Christmas music life could possibly throw at him.

[riverin-stories]

🏮 "FEAR NOT! So long as I am by your side, no harm will come to you!" 🔅 "For as long as you are willing to have me, I hope my skills will be of use." - monty / amani - huang / nia [here]

🏮 HUANG

A colorfully dressed AI with too much of a presence. Versed in staff-fighting, they are capable of summoning three other Imaginary-element selves to protect others in battle. To others' chagrin, Huang has an overly loud personality. Although they have a storied past, some of Huang's memories are inaccessible for reasons they cannot recall. They seek their original creator, a talented engineer from the Xianzhou Luofu who has not been seen in years.

🔅 LAVENIA FAIR

A young woman who offers her services as an astral navigator. She possesses an assortment of disjointed skills, knowledge she applies to get by in the vast cosmos. Though she dislikes combat, she will take on a supporting role if it is truly necessary. Nia has recently been forced to go on the run. She speaks little about her pursuer, only revealing that said person had orchestrated an attempt on her life that she narrowly escaped. As for what would happen if she gets caught… … …

hello again !! the promised second half of my main hsr au group is finally here!! while i had these designs solidified well before i actually did these sketches, it was still fun to draw them in motion and try to create more interesting silhouettes with them. just as we had monty and amani in the previous grouping, we're rounding out this little quartet with huang and nia! huang and nia have been intertwined since huang's conception, although i gave nia a lot more agency in later iterations rather than just a side-character to huang's overall history. i will always hold a soft spot for huang and nia in their original fantasy setting, but it's been delightful seeing how their story shifts bit by bit in each iteration! formally, this hsr au is both of their third incarnations! since i colored everything in monochrome, it might be harder to tell this, but huang dresses in a Lot of different colors that i tried to make distinct in different shades. this originally was going to have 3 other full-body peeps in huang's summons, but i found a way to skirt about that for my own sanity... i'm still super happy with how this turned out, i think of all my splash arts, huang was the most involved and i think truer to what i envisioned for them. i made a 1st attempt at a splash art for them a few months ago, but didn't feel happy with the results until i tried again recently!! nia's outfit took more time to work out beforehand, mostly because i had trouble with her sense of fashion / what would be most flattering on her. i eventually skewed more towards a sci-fi magical girl kind of vibe, not dissimilar to outfits like pela's or even bronya. (she's also descended from people who used to live on jarilo-vi, so i thought that'd be a good nod to that as well.) her trailing fabric used to be a full vest, but i felt that muddled up figure and layered things a bit unnecessarily. so i converted it into more of a shoulder pieces, and that way it showed off more of her dress without losing details. some extra belts and bags were added for practicality. my favorite personal addition is the higher socks going up to her knees, i think it made for a nice distinguishing fashion preference that separated her from every other boot-wearer in the quartet (which... would be everyone else, huh). this was a REALLY satisfying mini-project to give myself, especially since i'd been feeling down about my art in recent days. i hope everyone else enjoyed, and thank you so much for viewing !!

[charlieslowartsies]

Been re-reading KGA and the hyperfixation has sunk its claws into me and refuses to let me go, but honestly I don’t mind it.

Speaking of not minding shit that holds and refuses to let go, any commentary on Mike and Marion’s relationship? For some reason its one of my favorites in the series (prolly because Marionette has always been my favorite FNAF character) regardless of how borderline toxic or even codependent it could be interpreted as.

haha I'm glad you're enjoying the reread! At some point I want to sit down and try to reread LB-GS myself. Maybe after LW is completed.

As always, this bitch RAMBLES.

Marion is def one of my favorites too. I'm more a Bonnie fan though, but despite that, I didn't really expect to find so much interest in Mike and Marion becoming so close. Of course, as I've mentioned before, Foxy was the original character I intended to be closest to Mike Schmidt.

Marion and Freddy had other plans apparently lmao. The story really started demanding things from me around Devil's Spine and Ghost Strings. Characters wanted things I tried giving them.

The more I mapped out Marion's history and fleshed out dumbass golden retriever Mike, I realized I really wanted to lean into them being inseparable with the mindset of: To be loved is to be changed, and to be used is to be harmed.

Marion was used a lot in his past, so he was harmed, and he harmed others for it. He had misguided wishes, he didn't listen to others advice, and he wanted to blindly protect the restaurant and the children.

Marionette, much as he made poor choices and harmed so many, was also a victim of grooming/true cruelty from William Afton. He put so much blind faith and trust into Afton in the very beginning, and drew lots of similar traits from him as well that didn't become apparent until Afton was gone and the other Animatronics noticed how...intense Marion was, in trying to protect and control every angle.

This doesn't make what he did right. And it took him a long time to learn the lessons he needed. (LW being my fav example when he apologizes to Max/Michael for how he treated the zombie, indicating something is shifting between them especially. I'm SO excited for the end of LW where Max gets the Gift from Puppet, the thing he's wanted most.)

Most of that undoing was thanks to Mike, who was both kind and easy going while becoming less of a rug as time went on to Puppet, who mentions more than once across the series he isn't used to being challenged.

Mike came into the restaurant with no understanding of the horrors that occurred. Of what Marion had done, or could do. He just knew Marion helped him out a little bit for those first five nights, which meant Mari was his friend. Once Mike is a friend with someone he accepts them/loves them but also speaks his mind if he thinks it's needed.

And then of course this comes around to the side of Marion's thinking. 'This is my person, someone I can trust, who won't harm me/my family. I need him. He won't use Fredbear like Springbonnie was used. He is loyal and affectionate and tries to meet me halfway, even when we don't agree on something. And if I lose him...what's left? What else is there for me, but to go back to the way things were? I can't ever let that happen.'

Marion's going to be protective, naturally. Flip-side being that he needs to work on not taking that too far. Coming back in Last Shift, I didn't want like...a perfectly stable and fixed Marionette just appearing out of Lefty and having everyone go 'Why is he playing nice all of a sudden??' Because frankly the in-character response from them all minus Mike would be "We don't trust him far as Foxy can throw him" which....fair.

I didn't want 100% of his growth as a character being off screen. I wanted that to be earned and for readers to be given it, so the Revived design and the strings being tied to Mike are for that door way to be opened.

I wanted Marion to do the work, but Mike also had some growing to, that he had worked on in FF. (Marion was breaking down in GS, but he'd only split apart because Mike goes against Mari's warnings and ends up getting the Puppet destroyed when he was trying to help.)

You mentioned the borderline between how dark their bond could go, and yes I wanted that showcased too. I wanted a balancing act.

Repeating history won't do any good, especially not for Mike if Marion goes too overboard. At the end of the day though, Mike can dial Marion back, and keep him on a better straight-and-narrow than the lil devil used to exist on.

I think what helps steer away from the dangerous edge of what I would consider true toxic-ness is Mike can call Marion out, effectively. Likewise, Marion can call out Mike to. There's also Foxy, who is equally happy to call Marion tf out, as well as others once they see Marion isn't how he used to be.

Marion's themes/lessons in LW are: Being different doesn't mean the other is bad. To be loved is to be changed. And they overlap with Mike's, which are:

You can be put back together even if broken. No one can be strong all the time.

Is being too controlling harmful as fuck? Yes. I do not condone it , obviously. That's why Marion's story is NOT: "he became more possessive and was allowed to, and go on hurting himself/Mike or others." The narrative at the end of LS and into LW began rewarding Marion for trying to work on his aggressiveness at others. He was trying.

He choose to let Mike go, not letting him fully die out in Limbo. Then protected him from Henry's Rage where-before, all he could do was hide in Lefty and try to give hints and clues. He gained more agency the more he did the Right thing. (Of course, Mike rebuilt him a body and helped him come back.) And out of the gate in LW we have Mike advising Marion heavily to work on his attitude.

So Marion reaches out to one of the Mini Music Men in LW, and this ends up earning him a small friendship that chapters later saves Max and Gregory's life. Mari didn't have to use threats, and he wasn't in the scene but the ripples of his actions caused this effect. He also started listening to the DCA instead of ignoring or simply powering them down, and that meant he was able to see things from their perspective and help them out instead of pushing them away. Marion's gunna get softer the longer he spends anchored to Mike Schmidt. In some ways, Mike Schmidt will harden a tad, but not to the point of changing much beyond his typical kindness. More like maturing, and understanding to not launch himself head first into everything.

Basically Marion needed some socialization lmao. Mike unknowingly helped that early on (like, think GS days) and then after he got him back he noticed the problems better/clearer.

While I always hope people interpret the series the way I envision it, everyone reads differently and has their own life experiences that colors their thinking. Which is p neat, but if nothing else...I just hope people have a good time reading the fics as I do writing them out.

[strawbrrycreamdreams]

Does nana actually love ren? Or yasu more? In 50 chapter i was so confused for shins speech

shin said that nana actually in love with yasu

When nobu and shin see shion go in yasus room , they were all anxious about because nana s reaction .

but nobu has replied “dont say that! She is marrying ren!” Mmmmso i think now that her true love is yasu.. poor ren😢

…And so many clues in the story , example in the chapter 69 whe yasu said thanks nana and that “thanku” was so beautiful for her she cried for the happy .. so may chapters after shion say to misato that a “thank you“ sometime is more rewarding than “i love u” if it comes from the person we love more

I know , ren has made SO MANY mistakes and in know yasu Is perfect but I believed that nana and ren were soulmates no matter what …happened . I so sad fo ren… i know.. its crazy, yasu and nana are so special but i still believed that nana x ren was more , no matter what.. till now 😮‍💨

Ren is my favorite character in nana. that’s why he is to dear to me .. my only hope is that his love is reciprocated by nana.. for real

aahhh I don’t understand what ai yazawa wants to say to us sometimes that i get angry really much. Love is not perfect sometimes… that shion theory’s so deep that i wanna scream 😂 nana was so happy for a thanku .. omg .. Ai Yazawa please.. ren is so lonely in the end.

What do you think about it? So sorry for my bad English !

This such a good question and I actually think about it alot. For me, I think she loved ren at the start of their relationship, but when he left for Tokyo her love for him changed and shifted onto yasu. Whenever nana had an emotional issue she'd run to yasu immediately, we rarely see her open up to ren once they reunited, but we always see her being vulnerable and honest with yasu. She also gets sad when she realizes the reason yasu has never made any romantic moves on her is because she's "ren's girl." And the only reason she begins taking the process of finalizing her marriage with ren seriously is because she walked in on yasu having a "date" with miu and realized that he is moving on from her. I feel like the reason nana and ren stayed together was because of their mutual obsession for each other and their deep history with one another. I personally think ren truly was in love with nana, but after he left for Tokyo I think nana's love for him drastically changed. And it makes sense considering ren is eager to take all the next relationship steps with nana but nana on the other hand is very reluctant and maybe that's because she was secretly hoping that yasu would make a move on her and steal her away from ren. It's evident in the later chapters she wants him to yet, he never does so she settles for her current situation with ren.

This is not well thought out or written 😭I just HAD to get this off my mind. It's really hard to tell with nana though so I'm not fully confident in who she loves more. She loves them both obviously but like ren was her first kiss, first love and first time and the only man she's ever been romantically with, so she's ALWAYS going to have that love and connection with ren. It's confusing and wish Ai played into her feelings for yasu and ren more idk

[sixstepsaway]

Ed is my favorite character but I am also very much an Izzy Hands enjoyer and I am baffled by the "Ed is a innocent lamb uwu everything bad and mean about Blackbeard was Izzy but also Izzy is incompetent and Ed never needed him for Blackbeard at all!" sentiment I see. Like....? How do you reconcile that? Also Ed "doesn't kill" but we see him order a man to be flayed alive with a snail fork and then thrown overboard. We see that. Izzy isn't there. Izzy didn't "make" him do this, just like Izzy didn't make him cut off his toe, which happened hours after their fight, in a calculated response that took into account Stede specifically recoiling from the idea (there's something to unpack).

When they say Ed had people kill their pets, Ed doesn't deny it or in any way indicate it wasn't his idea. The entire plan of killing Stede and taking his place was Ed's idea, not Izzy's! Ed could have ordered him to stop at any time and he didn't, he didn't even have the stomach to watch Izzy stab Stede (I love the contrast between this and the act of grace moment), and people act like the whole murder thing was entirely Izzy's idea and desire and Ed is just a helpless bystander. Ed is the one in charge except when he can't or won't be, but he still wants things done his way, wants all of the positives and none of the negatives (who can blame him? We all want that. But Ed doesn't seem to recognize that isn't actually possible).

If Izzy is so diametrically opposed to everything Ed is, and just a horrible hateful little man, why has Ed kept him around? Why is he his first mate? Why does he trust him more than anyone else, and let him in more than anyone else, until Stede? Why does their relationship read like they came up together, like they've literally known each other decades, like there is a depth and history and so much nuance to the relationship and yet you have people acting like Izzy is just some guy assigned by the pirate temp agency to Blackbeard shortly before the show starts? That Ed doesn't have the authority to fire?

There's abuse and toxicity coming from both Ed and Izzy in this relationship, and we're seeing it as it crumbles. The fact that it crumbles so painfully and dramatically - along with just every single thing about the way they interact, I feel insane - speaks to there having been a foundation of genuine friendship and partnership and maybe even love through the years (there are so many ways to love, what Ed & Stede have is glorious but just one). They're both in crisis. Izzy is making horrific, hurtful decisions but so is Ed. Ed has been hurt by Izzy's actions but Izzy has been hurt by Ed's as well (I'm not even talking about the toe! I'm talking about the years of relying on Izzy and having him do his dirty work, with very little thanks).

Ed and Stede have protagonist bias working in their favor (see how so many people ignore Stede's casual colorblind racism and that he can only be funding this adventure through exploitation and violence) - they also had some tragic, traumatic back story shown on screen. Izzy didn't - do people think that means he doesn't have one? That he was just born like this, has always been like this for no reason? That isn't how humans work. Real or fictional.

Ed deserves to be happy, it's what I want most. I want him to heal. I want the same for Izzy. They're both struggling and in pain and nothing I've seen from either of them as fictional people in a romcom makes me think they're undeserving or unable to be redeemed.

Anyway I love your Izzy posts. Keep on keeping on. Sending this anon because I don't want my own haters haha.

All of this, anon. All of this. The Revenge and the rest of the Pirate World are two entirely different stages (up until the end of ep 10), and when they swap between those worlds, the rules shift and change. You go from Pirate Drama (ala Black Sails, for example) to Rom Com and back again. Because of that, pretty much everyone who joined the Revenge who isn't Stede is an objectively awful person in their own ways who have made their lives by killing, plundering, looting, even torturing. I think that's why I love them all so much, because they're being given the chance to evolve past that. It's almost like starting a series with an entire cast of villains heading for redemption. It's excellent.

If Izzy is so diametrically opposed to everything Ed is, and just a horrible hateful little man, why has Ed kept him around? Why is he his first mate? Why does he trust him more than anyone else, and let him in more than anyone else, until Stede? Why does their relationship read like they came up together, like they've literally known each other decades, like there is a depth and history and so much nuance to the relationship and yet you have people acting like Izzy is just some guy assigned by the pirate temp agency to Blackbeard shortly before the show starts? That Ed doesn't have the authority to fire?

omg anon this bit here i was nodding along ready to contribute my own thoughts and then i hit PIRATE TEMP AGENCY and i fuckin LOST IT. thank you for that.

But also I think one particular bit really stands out to me from the POV of their friendship. Two, actually, one less than the other so I'll start there:

the first one is that Izzy specifically sends Calico Jack after Ed. He knows enough about Ed's temperament, and about his relationship with Jack to know that Jack is absolutely perfect to drive a wedge not only between Ed and Stede but between Ed and everyone on the crew. And he DOES. It's an absolutely FLAWLESS plan up until the point they're in dinghy and Jack has to be a bitch and talk about Izzy. If he hadn't done that? If his jealousy, ego, bitchiness hadn't come out so strongly? Damn. That plan was flawless and Ed would firstly have never known about the English and secondly gone back to Izzy.

Because Izzy knew him.

But the bit I specifically wanted to talk about in relation to your piece up there is after Ed hits him at the start of Act of Grace.

First off; Ed only hits him. He socks him real good in the face but that's it! I subconsciously assumed he was testing to see if the English would stop him, and then would surge on with something new but no. He thinks Izzy has completely betrayed them, and he even says so to Stede ("He sold us out.") but all he does is hit him. He doesn't hit him then try to shove him over the side. He doesn't try to bounce him off the mast. He doesn't pull a knife! He just socks him once real good in the face.

And then comes what Izzy says after that:

"That's fair. That's fair. Remember though, you said when you made me first mate, 'above all else is loyalty to your captain'. You're my captain and I was never gonna stand by and let you destroy yourself for that... twat. And this? This is a humane way of ending this. It's quick, it's clean. Edward, you know that."

And oh, my god. I could go on about this line for days but I'll try and keep it brief: Edward is the one that told Izzy that above all is loyalty to him. Edward. Knowing what Ed is capable of, knowing the kind of shit he's done not only in episode 10 but also the skinning and god knows what else? Who knows how he instilled that into Izzy, that his loyalty is to Edward and Edward only. A lot of people think the X on Izzy's cheek is his signature, and fuck. Imagine if that was when he gave him that? Imagine if he literally tattooed his signature into Izzy's face because his loyalty is to Ed and Ed only. (If not that X, perhaps a Blackbeard brand under his glove? Who knows.)

Then, after that, he goes on to say he wasn't going to let Ed destroy himself. This isn't a betrayal, and I think the fact Ed doesn't kill him here, doesn't cast him off the ship at the end of episode 9, doesn't tell him to go fuck himself, proves that Ed doesn't think it's a betrayal either. Regardless of his feelings for Stede, the only time he thought it was a betrayal was when he thought Izzy had handed them all over hook line and sinker with no regards for anything but himself. Izzy did not betray him. Izzy, in fact, kept his pledge of loyalty.

And then finally, the humane way of ending this? Izzy's job is keeping Edward happy. Izzy's job is keeping Edward safe and happy. That's why Stede is, in that scene, about to die by firing squad, not in some gruesome show at Charlestown or whatever else might have come his way. I would lay bets that Stede dying quickly and as painlessly as possible was part of the deal Izzy made.

I would also bet that the words, "This is the humane way of ending this, it's quick, it's clean," was what Edward said about Fang's dog.

They're both in crisis. Izzy is making horrific, hurtful decisions but so is Ed. Ed has been hurt by Izzy's actions but Izzy has been hurt by Ed's as well (I'm not even talking about the toe! I'm talking about the years of relying on Izzy and having him do his dirty work, with very little thanks).

This! This! This! I also want to reiterate very strongly that we never see Edward actually tell Izzy what he wants. He says he wants to retire and he's going to kill Stede and take his place, but when he changes his mind he never actually says, "Izzy, I'mma be honest with you mate, I love Stede and I want you in my life too but I don't want to kill him, and I don't want to be Blackbeard anymore. I want a change." Or whatever way Edward would say those things.

Edward communicates with Izzy zilch, which honestly I think is probably how things have always gone. Edward half kills some guy then goes, "Oh, Izzy?" and walks off and it's up to Izzy to finish it off. One of his crew members does something? He scoffs and scowls and that means Izzy has to handle it. Izzy has had to learn to fill in all those spots that Edward can't or won't, and that's what he's doing throughout the show, but he hasn't yet been told that Edward actively wants these changes.

Hell, I'm willing to say that he thinks Edward is becoming not just something Izzy can't recognize but something Edward actively abhors. You don't tell someone to toughen up and kill their own dog because you like softies. Which begs the question of how much time Edward has spent actively trying to toughen up his crew and remove any soft sides, just to turn entirely into that soft side?

(Also, I'll be honest, I do not think that breakup robe!Edward should be his final form. He was not himself there either, and that's because he's so actively pretending that he's none of the kraken things that he was. He's almost imitating Stede, in a way, trying to hide his pain by being someone else. I imagine his final form will be someone very capable of violence, very capable of anger and being awful, but someone who also has a deeply soft side and cultivates a lot of love and trust from those around him, someone who will murder in defense of his loved ones, rather than just 'cause he can. Which, to me, is who he was when he was younger. He killed his father for hurting his mother, that's made abundantly clear, especially since we never see his father raise a hand against him.)

...they also had some tragic, traumatic back story shown on screen. Izzy didn't - do people think that means he doesn't have one? That he was just born like this, has always been like this for no reason? That isn't how humans work. Real or fictional.

Honestly yeah. I think that's likely what they think.

Which brings me right back to the fact Stede is very much an outlier. Oluwande says himself that him and Jim have no other choice. Do they think Izzy does? Who knows what his past is that led him to piracy, anger and repression at sea? Who knows what makes him so goddamn anxious about everything running Correctly?

And yes, I do read him as anxious. He hates the situation he's in because everything is wrong. Lucius won't do his job, no one does the things they need to do to run a ship, and he is actively seen as a villain in their lives by them when he tries to get them to be the crew of a pirate ship. He nearly got thrown overboard for making them work!

Ed deserves to be happy, it's what I want most. I want him to heal. I want the same for Izzy. They're both struggling and in pain and nothing I've seen from either of them as fictional people in a romcom makes me think they're undeserving or unable to be redeemed.

THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!! I want them both to heal, and Stede too!! Stede has so much trauma he hasn't worked through that colors everything he does (as illustrated by the fact this middle-aged man is bogged down and smothered constantly throughout the first few episodes by memories of being what... ten?)

Not to mention that a forced arranged marriage cannot possibly be anything short of traumatic (cultural arranged marriage being very different and depending on the situation etc, I'm not talking about modern arranged marriages, I'm talking specifically about the type Stede and Mary were forced into, and even more specifically their marriage). I don't think either of them were abusive to one another, but being forced to have sex solely by society and those around you to make children? Especially if Stede is gay not bi (which I read him as; gay), that's so... awful? It's basically that both of them had to agree to their own rape, almost? It's a really complicated and horrible thing and god knows what Stede felt after having to do those things with her, especially if he knew she wasn't into it with him either.

Anyway I love your Izzy posts. Keep on keeping on. Sending this anon because I don't want my own haters haha.

Thank you so much for the message because it was GREAT and your own meta was downright excellent. If you ever feel like de-anoning, feel free to DM me! And here, have another Izzy post! lmao hope you enjoy it