#ammon is a little shit and i live for that

[oqwomyo]

Ammon's Birthday Card 2024 Translation.

Part 1.

Now is the time when it is getting warmer and the flowers in the garden are starting to bloom beautifully. Tomorrow will be Ammon's birthday. Birthdays this year... I've already decided what I'll give to the butlers. A ring that can be worn on the pinky. Wearing this ring... They say that the meaning of it is to “prevent happiness from leaving.” Having learned this meaning, I immediately went to Ammon, preparing a small rose quartz ring. Wanting to prepare a special atmosphere for presenting a gift, I wrote a letter to Ammon. 

"Let's have dinner together on your birthday." 

After the butlers fell asleep... I left a letter under the door to the butlers' room on the second floor. 

Looking forward to Ammon's reaction to the letter, I fell asleep that day...

*Knock Knock* 

Ammon: Master. Can i come in?

You: Of course.

Come in. 

Ammon: Good morning, master. 

You: Good morning, Ammon. 

Ammon: A love letter from master. I got it right ♪

You: Lo-love letter?

Ammon took my letter out of his pocket.

 

Ammon: According to the letter, master wants to have dinner with me...

Ammon: What you meant is... That you're going on a date with me today, right?

You: Um...

I explained the situation to him. Today is Ammon's day... I want us to go somewhere together and enjoy the atmosphere of this day to the fullest. At the end I would like to enjoy dinner together... And at dinner we will decide where to go next. I told him that since it is his birthday, I want him to enjoy the day without any hesitation. 

Ammon: Hehe. It's not a date after all~

Ammon: I'm very glad that the master loves me so much ♪

You: "Love you", you say...

Glad you liked it. 

Ammon: Nooo~ Anyway, I'm glad we cleared up this misunderstanding. 

Ammon: After reading this letter... I was so carried away that I thought about a date with the master. 

You: Have you thought about a date?

Ammon: And I still think about it. 

Ammon: Although, it’s probably better not to get too carried away.

Ammon: Having received such a letter from master... I am sure that there is no one who wouldn't be worried. 

You: Fufu, right?

Ammon: Of course. 

You: Have you already decided where you want to go?

Ammon: I have. 

Ammon: Wherever master wants, I will go there too. What would you like to do?

You: I will go wherever Ammon wants. 

Ammon: Hehe. I understand, master. 

Ammon: Master, who prepared such an important day for me... I'll definitely have fun today ♪

Ammon: Then, rely on me today. 

Ammon: Now that we've decided on today's schedule...

Ammon: I still have unfinished business. I'll come pick you up as soon as I'm ready. 

And so... We decided to split up and get ready for the walk. 

*Knock Knock*

Ammon: Master, I'm ready. 

Ammon: Can I come in?

You: Yes. 

Come in. 

Ammon: Excuse me, Master. 

Ammon came into my room again, only in a different suit. 

You: This suit...

Ammon: Hehe. Does it suit me?

Ammon: This suit... I think it suits me. 

Ammon: From master's point of view... Does it?

You: That's a nice suit.  

It suits you. 

Ammon: I'm glad. Fleure made this suit for me. 

Ammon: The way I look in this suit... I'll definitely make sure you don't forget ♪

Ammon: Well, then... Let's go. 

Ammon: There's a carriage waiting outside. 

You: Understood.

 

And so... We got into the carriage that Ammon had prepared. 

After a few minutes of rocking in the carriage... We were in front of a cafe in Espoir. 

Ammon: So, master. Come in. 

Ammon: This is the cafe for today. 

Ammon: By the way, this is my favorite cafe. 

Ammon: The owner of this cafe is a rare person who treats devil butlers well... I'm sure we'll have a good time. 

You: Right. 

Owner: I was waiting for you. I will now take you to your table. 

It looks like Ammon had reserved a table in advance... As soon as we entered the cafe... The owner took us to a place where we would be hard to notice. 

Ammon: Master...

Ammon: Since we have a date today... Is it okay if I sit with you?

You: Certainly. 

Ammon: Thank you, master. 

Ammon: Then, excuse me. 

Ammon pulled out a chair for me to sit... After that he sat down on the opposite side from me.

Ammon: Master, is it okay if I choose our lunch...? I have one recommendation. 

Ammon: I'm sure, master will like it too. 

You: Then please. 

Ammon: Got it. 

Then Ammon called the owner... Soon they brought us lunch. 

Ammon and I were quite pleased with our lunch. After this we enjoyed tea. 

Ammon: Well, I think now is the time...

Ammon called the owner over and whispered something in his ear. 

You: What did you say?

Ammon: Eh? Nothing. 

Ammon: Well, master... How about a dessert?

Ammon: The desserts in this cafe are very tasty. I hope the master will like it too. 

You: Fine. 

Okay. 

Ammon: Hehe... Got it. 

Ammon: Then.... Mhm?

Suddenly Ammon... As if he realized something, his face became serious. 

You: What happened, Ammon?

When I looked in the direction where Ammon was looking... I saw several well-built men approaching me.

You: These people..?

Ammon: Uh. I do not know either. 

Ammon: But they give off a strange aura. 

Ammon: If they talk to you, I will answer... So please don't go anywhere. 

Man A: ...You two. The devil butler and his master. 

Ammon: Right... Who are you?

Man A: By order of Finlay-sama... We were sent by the Grobaner family. 

Man A: Master of the Devil Butlers... We will take you to the Grobaner Mansion. 

You: Eh? Me?

Man A: Also note that no chaperone is required. The order is that only master is needed. 

Ammon: Are you saying... Only master is called to the Grobaner mansion?

Ammon: This is bad...

Ammon: I can’t just entrust a precious master to strangers like that. 

Ammon: If you take the master, I'm going with you. This is the final decision. 

You: Ammon...

And for some time the men shouted that they would only take me... But in the end, they allowed Ammon to accompany me. 

Ammon: Master... I'm really sorry we're wasting our time on this. 

You: It's okay.

Don't worry.

Ammon: Let's quickly deal with these people... And then we will continue our date. 

Ammon and I followed the men's instructions and left the cafe... We got into the prepared carriage.

Part 2.

Besides me and Ammon, there were other men in the carriage... Tension was in the air. 

Ammon: (This... This is not the road to the Grobaner mansion. At the end of this road... There is a forest and... An unused warehouse. If I remember correctly, this warehouse, according to the latest rumors, is used for kidnappings. You can't believe the rumors, but this is definitely an unsafe place. But I still can’t say that the Grobaner family has nothing to do with these men. Let’s wait a little longer and see how things turn out.)

Ammon: (Besides... If these guys were kidnappers... If it was for money, they would have immediately attacked... As long as there is no danger to master, I will collect information.)

Considering the atmosphere in the carriage and the serious expression on Ammon's face, I became increasingly agitated. 

You: (Is everything really okay...)

Ammon then noticed my condition and whispered to me. 

Ammon: Master, everything is fine. While I'm here, don't worry about anything. 

Ammon: No matter what happens, I will definitely protect master. 

Ammon: However, if you are still worried... Would you like to hold my hand?

Ammon: Here you are, master. 

The previous expression disappeared from Ammon's face as he extended his hand to me. Ammon looked like he was having fun waiting for me to take his hand. Feeling that he was the same as always, I felt relieved. I took his hand and smiled back. 

You: Thank you, Ammon. 

Ammon: Hehe. My pleasure. 

Ammon: I would be happy if master could rely on me. 

Ammon: .....U~m. And yes, master...

Ammon: Since when is your face so red?

Ammon: Maybe... Are you impressed by my cool speeches?

You: D-Don't tease me in this situation. 

Ammon: Hehe. Cute ♪

Ammon: I'm glad I made master's heart flutter. 

Ammon: Our date may have been interrupted... But my plan will now be even more successful ♪

You: Yeah...

Looking at Ammon's contented face... I feel safe. I waited patiently for the carriage to stop...

........

You: Oh, has the carriage arrived?

Ammon: Oh, looks like we've arrived at our destination. 

Ammon: Judging by the distance, we are not that far from the city...

Ammon: ...This... There is no doubt that this is the same warehouse....

You: Eh? Warehouse?

Ammon: Ah~ No, no. These are just rumors. 

At the same time... The man who was traveling with us forcefully opened the carriage door. 

Man A: Well, we've arrived. Come out. 

You: Eh?

Man A: Didn't you hear? Come out quickly!

The arrival point was not Grobaner Mansion... I was surprised to hear the man's harsh words... I suddenly lost the ability to move. 

Man A: Tch. Don't you understand?

The man got angry... He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the carriage. I get up in a hurry, but the man's pull causes me to lose my balance on the stairs. 

You: Whoa..!

( I'm falling...!)

Ammon: Master..!

At that moment, Ammon grabbed my hand and pulled me closer. 

Ammon: Ha... That was dangerous. I was scared for a moment. 

Ammon's hand hugged my waist tightly... He supports me so that I don't fall. His hands were much more masculine than I imagined. 

You: T-thank you, Ammon. 

Ammon: Sorry for catching you so late. I was surprised you were captured so suddenly. 

Ammon: Are you okay?

You: Yes, thanks to Ammon. 

Ammon: I'm really glad...

Ammon: And by the way... Guys, you've had enough...

Man A: Hee...!

Ammon stares at the man who grabbed my arm earlier. The man got scared and took a step back. 

Ammon: Master, let's go out. 

You: Mm. 

As Ammon carefully led me out of the carriage... He took out his whip. 

Ammon: So...

Ammon: It takes a lot of courage to be so cruel to my master.

Ammon: First of all... Who said you can touch master?

Ammon: No one, except me, can touch master without permission.

Unlike the relaxed voice before... Ammon's voice was now filled with anger.

Man A: Hee...!

Man B: Don't be afraid..!

Man B: Even if it's the devil's butler... We have a numerical advantage..!

Man B: This will be an easy win..!

Men: Ooh!

Ammon: .....

You: Ammon...

Ammon: Master, please watch carefully.

Ammon: Bad people, frightening master... I will punish them all ♪

And hearing these lines of Ammon... The enraged people immediately rushed to attack.

Ammon: Master, don't look away from me.

Ammon: Master's passionate gaze... I want you to look only at me.

Ammon: Everything cool that is in me... Don't miss a second!

At this moment everything looked like it was on the stage of a play. Ammon successfully defeated the enemies with his whip. Every time he moved his hand... I heard the sound of the wind and the screams of the kidnappers.

*Phew!*

Men: Gha!

Ammon: Hey hey, what's wrong~?

Ammon: Such slow attacks... No matter how hard you try, you cannot defeat me.

It seems that the place where we stopped was an enemy shelter. Enemies appeared one after another. But they immediately fall to the ground.

Ammon: It doesn't matter how many of you there are. I trained hard to protect my master.

Ammon: Today is my birthday... I will do you a special favor.

Ammon: I will make you feel the full force of my whip.

As if to confirm this... His whip never stopped swinging at his enemies.

Ammon: Even if you give up now, it's too late...!

*Whoosh!*

Before we knew it, all the kidnappers had disappeared. Sometimes we could hear groans... It seems that now it is very difficult for them to move.

Ammon: So, this is the end.

Ammon: Hehe. Wasn't it a little overwhelming~?

Ammon: But maybe... The Master will understand how reliable I am.

Ammon: Master, don't you think I was cool?

You: Very cool.

Ammon: Hehe. Thank you.

Ammon: ... By the way... I was with you the whole time, so I think everything is fine, but...

Ammon: Master, are you not injured?

You: I'm fine.

Everything is fine.

Ammon: Yes? That's good...

Ammon: However... When we were riding in the carriage, you were roughly grabbed by the arm...

Ammon: Can I have a look?

You: Fine.

I extended my right hand to Ammon. He looked closely and finally smiled softly, feeling relieved.

Ammon: Okay... It's really okay.

Ammon: From the moment the master was pulled by the hand...

Ammon: I was a little worried that master might have hurt themselves or damaged their arm.

You: I'm sorry to trouble you.

Thank you for worrying about me.

You: Yes.

Ammon: Ha... Anyway, I'm glad you're okay.

Ammon: So, when everything is calm... Let's take a rest, and then go back to that cafe.

Ammon: There is still a carriage left here...

Ammon: But right now I want to take a walk with master.

You: Fine.

Ammon: The cafe is not far from here...

Ammon: Maybe master would also like to go for a walk?

Let's go.

Ammon: Thank you ♪

Ammon: Then...

Ammon: Take my hand, master.

You: Thank you.

Ammon is kind and accompanies me. I remember the feeling of his hand when he held me earlier... The feeling of his strong, courageous hands returned.

Having reported the location of the kidnappers, we returned to the cafe. 

Ammon: So, master. A lot has happened...

Ammon: The walk made me hungry. 

You: That's for sure. 

Ammon: Would you like to try the dessert I was talking about earlier?

You: Yes. 

Ammon: Hehe. 

Ammon: Then, get ready...

Ammon turned to the owner, who was observing the situation, and gave him a signal with his fingers. 

You: Ammon, what is it?

Ammon: This... There will be dessert soon. 

You: Eh? But you haven't ordered anything yet. 

Ammon: It's okay~

Hearing footsteps, I saw a smiling waitress carrying a large plate. There is a magnificent cake on the plate. The red and pink cream decorations are so cute. 

You: In-incredible...

Ammon: Hehe... Are you amazed by this cake?

You: Yes. 

Ammon: Actually, this is the first time I've seen this cake up close. He is as beautiful as a bouquet of flowers. 

You: Why this particular cake?

Ammon: Because... It was baked by my request. 

Ammon: Because only a few cakes are baked per day. I'm glad I managed to order it. 

Ammon: Thanks to the master’s letter yesterday, I managed to place my order on time. 

You: Is that so?

Several cakes a day... Ammon must have placed the order early in the morning. He ordered this cake after reading my letter... I felt happy, knowing that Ammon was trying to please me.

You: Thank you, Ammon. 

Ammon: Hehe. My pleasure. 

Ammon: To tell the truth, I was so excited to see the letter that I couldn't even sit still. 

Ammon: What would we do with master? What kind of master would I see?

Ammon: I've thought about this a lot. 

Ammon: I wanted to see master’s beloved smile. 

Ammon: That's why... I prepared such a surprise. 

You: Right...?

I'm so embarrassed...

Ammon: Well~ Some troubles happened, so I was wondering what would happen next.... But I'm glad that everything turned out okay. 

Ammon: Master, thank you for inviting me today. 

You: Thank you. 

Ammon: I was able to see master's smile... I'm really happy. 

And then we ate cake together. Ammon's look was so kind... And the cake, and Ammon's look... It was all so sweet. 

After drinking tea and relaxing...We left the cafe. 

And during sunset... We visited a luxurious restaurant to have dinner. 

Ammon booked a remote location. We were able to enjoy our dinner without worrying about our surroundings. 

Ammon: Phew~ It was very tasty. 

You: It was delicious. 

Ammon: Hehe. I'm glad master is happy. 

Ammon: Master... Today was a busy day..

Ammon: At least for a moment... Did your heart flutter?

You: Yes. 

It was trembling. 

Ammon: Hehe, right?

Ammon: Well, I shouldn't ask that...

Ammon: Master was so happy with me... I immediately understood everything. 

You: Wha-What?

Ammon: Watching master... I understood everything. 

Ammon: Master had it all written all over their face. 

Ammon: After all, I can watch master all day and not get tired. 

You: .....Ugh.

Ammon: But, master, is it possible to stay like this?

You: Eh? What do you mean?

Ammon: If this continues... I will begin to disturb the master's heart again. 

Ammon: Are you alright with me constantly flattering you?

Ammon: Hey hey. Next time, make my heart flutter. 

Ammon looks at me with a provoking look. Today he made my heart beat faster... In the end, I want to repay him with the same coin. I got a present for his birthday. 

You: Ammon, take this. 

In that small box that I took out... Of course, there was a small ring in it. 

Ammon: Eh? This..

You: A birthday gift. 

Ammon: Ahaha... Exactly. 

Ammon: I knew master would prepare something... But I didn't think you would hand it to me right now. 

You: Open it. 

Ammon: Right. 

Hearing my words, Ammon carefully opened the box. Inside, rose quartz emitted a gentle and gentle light. And I told Ammon everything. As a birthday present for Ammon, I decided to make a small ring... It meant: “I want Ammon to always be happy.” Therefore, I chose a ring with rose quartz. Rose quartz is considered a talisman in love. Looking at this pink pebble... It reminded me of Ammon, who makes my heart beat faster with his words. Having said this, I carefully placed the ring on Ammon's little finger. 

Ammon: Thank you, master...

Ammon: I have long been familiar with the meaning of rose quartz...

Ammon: But I never expected to receive something like this from master. This is really unexpected. 

Ammon: Suddenly my heart beats faster. 

You: Is it true?

I'm glad. 

Ammon: Making my heart flutter like that... As expected of master. 

Ammon: Hehe... By the way...

Ammon: I can't believe master is expressing their love with rose quartz on my birthday...

Ammon: In other words... Does this mean that the master looks at me in a special way?

You: Um...

In a special way...

Ammon: Oh, no need to be embarrassed. I know how the master feelings.

Ammon: In other words... It's true, right?

Ammon: Hehe. I'm the master's butler, so I won't say anything more...

Ammon: What kind of relationship does master want to have with me? I understand everything perfectly ♪

You: A-Ammon...

Ammon: Teasing master at such moments... It feels a little different. 

Ammon: Master... I always try to make your heart flutter...

Ammon: But feeling how your heart is pounding...

Ammon: My heart also beats for master. 

Ammon: It's not cool to say this, but...

Ammon: Even now... My heart is beating rapidly. 

Ammon: Hehe. I wonder why I said something like this...

Ammon: Now I'm feeling like I'm flying. 

Ammon: But today is my birthday. It's okay if I'm more frank.

Ammon looks at the ring with sincere joy. 

Ammon: Thank you very much. This gift exceeds all my expectations. 

Ammon: Master... I feel like master is taking care of me...

Ammon: No... Besides...

Ammon: I'm also excited talking about my master. 

Ammon: Of course, as a butler...

Ammon: And as a man. 

Ammon: When the master’s heart trembles... Mine trembles too...

Ammon: I'm not alone. 

Ammon: Such possessiveness... Maybe it's not like me...

Ammon: I always want to be with my master and be special to them. 

You: Ammon...

Ammon always acts like a little devil. But only today he made me bashful even more. But even though it touches my heart so much... I can't say that I don't like it. Rather... These conservations with him are somewhat comforting... Today I felt my heart beating faster so often... From the bottom of my heart I was glad that I could spend time with him like this.

THE END.

[sugar-glaze-donut]

I can't write shit recently cause I'm really busy, but I had another Isekai!Akuneko AU >:D

So, so... I know I've been writing about Isekai!Aruji-sama a lot BUT! What if MC was isekai-ed, not as Aruji-sama, but as a butler/maid in Devil's Palace, an NPC who gave the past butlers happiness before the despair, or an angel! (I'm going to write the NPC and Angel AU in another post)

🎻-🧪- Isekai!MC but differrent -☕-📱

Outcome 1: You spawn into the world as a Devil Butler/ Maid.

It's just that one day... a new butler/ maid enters the mansion and POOF! Now we have a different soul in the body!

For example, if spawned in the early days of the Devil Butlers, you will find the oldest butlers in the original timeline (Berrien, Miyaji, and Lucas), and you can gain their trust knowing they'll most likely (they have to be) alive at the point when the main plot begins. There are obviously going to be other butlers in the mansion, so you could try to save them and spare some trauma for poor Miyaji. You could prevent Lucas and Miyaji from getting into the fight that caused them to give each other the silent treatment for a thousand years (and maybe prevent Miyaji to get his scar). With this, your relationship with Lucas and Miyaji (dilf duo *cough*) will be pretty ok. Do they trust you? Yes ✅ Will they be mad at you constantly for risking your life for others too much? Yes ✅ Will you be invited to their wine parties? Absolutely yes! ✅✅ Will they be relying on you a lot? Yes yes!! 100% YES ✅✅✅

They'll stick next to you like glue. From the main and side stories, it is said that they treated each other like brothers until the big fight they had. They'll treat you like their little sibling who has to deal with all their shit (good luck with the next few centuries with them...) Or if MC has a motherly personality, they'll both joke that Miyaji is the dad, Lucas is the weird Uncle, and you're the Mom/ other Dad

As for Berrien though? At first, he may think you're a very helpful butler/ maid since you're running around the palace helping everyone in sight. But as time goes on and the new butlers (Lamli, Lato, the problem man-children in general) come along, he might think it's really sus that you know how to handle each and every butler with their unique personalities. Sure, you have been a butler/ maid in Devil's Palace for quite a long time, and you've met new butlers and known lots of unique people over those years, but something feels... off. Just know he'll be having his guard up whenever he's with you (But he doesn't hate you don't worry)

As for the butlers that came after (a few centuries before the main story begins) like Haures and Fennesz will look up to you like a little brother to an older sibling (ouch, Fennesz's trauma kicking in). You can save Boschi from losing his arm and eye, give Fennesz more self-confidence, and Ammon... to at least let him trust you (if you succeed congrats! Now you have another emotionally unstable boy by your side!!).

There's going to be one point where you and Miyaji find Lato living in the forest after years of the torment he's faced locked up in a science lab. And what are you going to do about it? Give him love and comfort of course!! He won't open up to you immediately (Lato's trust issues) but with your knowledge of a 1000+ year old person and memories of the character's personality, now you have a child! The child is Lato btw. You're now his new mother/ father and you don't have a choice. Oh my, such a happy family! *crashing sounds in the distance*

Then gaining Lamli's trust. He's not that hard like Lato, just needs a pinch of Lucas, and... BOOM now you have another magnet stuck to you good job :D

(I'm not sure about Nac's past since I haven't looked into his side stories)

Now for the new butlers. Not new like Teddy, Hanamaru, and Yuhan, a few decades before the main plot. First, we have Bastien and Lono. An Emo and a Sunshine boy... how nice :D You're in for a treat. Lono is known to be the best cook so better eat those plates clean! And Bastien... silent acknowledgment I guess. He won't open up until the events of Episode 1 come to a close, so it's best to have some common interests with him like carving and fluffy animals to at least crack his walls down.

I'm not quite sure about Flure's past, but at least save try to save Zepal (the butler that gets demonized a few years before the plot) for him. Alright?

Now, I believe you deserve a new title~! Now you're the younger butler's parental figure!! I'm going to bet my soul Lamli will call you Mama-chan or Papa-kun as your nickname.

Possible love interests in this AU outcome will be... Aruji-sama, and possibly Berrien? Aruji-sama is pretty self-explanatory. I mean, who wouldn't want to date someone as pretty as you? And Berrien is... an Enemy/ Stranger to Lovers kinda troupe? He won't trust you much at first, but over those decades and centuries he might one day... one day open up to you.

Last Edited: August 14th 2023 (oh no... you just completed another cringe masterpiece by me... you liked it that much? 😳)

[in33d4n4me]

"Try me"

Warnings: Swearing

Synopsis: Basically a shy aruji-sama is not letting nobody talk bad about their butlers

A/n: yaaay Vee is becoming consistent with their content

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You really tried not to be rude.

But these damn nobles think they're better than everyone else

Your butlers risk their lives everyday and this is how they're repaid???

It didn't help that you were a shy person, so you didn't have the courage to snap back at them

Not at first.

But as time went on, and you truly saw how badly your butlers- no- your friends were being mistreated, you got even more upset.

When going on your first shopping trip in espoir, you were first exposed to how the townsfolk hated them.

You never understood why.

The butlers help them all day, every day.

Then, that same day, when ammon was beaten and the men that had taken part in his beating dared to tell him to fight?

You will never forget the rage you felt.

You never forgot their faces either.

You didn't forget the faces they made when they were taken by the angels either

Serves them right

Now, the butlers aren't very aware of how pissed off it makes you.

They understand that it makes you upset, but not how upset you are about it.

In all honesty, everyone should be borderline worshipping them with how much they save people's asses

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When you were at the ball, and you bumped into that noble and sprained your wrist, when lucas came over to help, you'll never forget the words the noble spewed out of his filthy mouth

"Not a single one of you Devil Butler's is a good person."

Huh?

What the hell was he saying?

Lucas was just making sure you were okay?

Yet another reason to despise the nobles, it seems

Well, that's just one reason added to many

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You've been with the butlers for months now, and over and over, they're mistreated by townspeople and nobles.

The final straw was when a female noble had made fun of flure because he "looked too much like a girl", while he was shopping for fabrics in espoir.

What?

"Care to repeat that, ma'am? I don't think I heard you properly."

To say you were pissed the fuck off would be an understatement, but your face held a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes.

You were now in front of flure, hiding him behind you while staring straight in to the nobles' eyes.

" I mean, look at him! He looks weak and frail, there's no way he could be a devil butler. He probably can't even fight!" The noble said as she giggled a little bit.

At this point, flure was now fully hiding behind you. He wants to dissappear.

"Honestly, this is why people keep getting attacked by angels, because we're trusting weaklings like him to defend us."

"Well then protect yourselves." You snap back with a harsh tone. If looks could kill, that noble would be in the grave already.

"Excuse me!?" She seems appalled, not expecting you to come at her. And apparently flure wasn't expecting it either. You were always so calm and quiet.

"You heard what I said." You snarled back at her

"If you think they're so weak, then defend yourselves. Don't ask them for anything. You insult them, and treat them like trash, and on top of that, you expect them to be perfect?!?!? Did it ever occur to you, oh-so- selfish noble, that they're also fucking human?!?!? They may have the power of devils, but they still have human emotions and limitations. You can't just say shit like that and expect them to work for assholes like you!"

At this point, a group of townspeople gathered around you, flure, and the noble, and needless to say, they're rethinking how they treat the butlers.

The noble looks around and realizes that others have seen her get called out, and tried to formulate a response.

"Well I've never seen such a disrespectful little-"

"Disrespectful?"

"If anyone is disrespectful, it's you lady. How about you acknowledge that fact first. And don't you ever talk to me about disrespect. Let's go flure."

You drag flure behind you while he's in shock. He's strangely happy though. His master defending him makes him smile a little while blushing.

When you get back to the mansion, you're still pissed off, but try to hide it. Flure is still in shock.

"Hm? What's this? Are you alright, you two?" Berrien seems to materialize in front of you, and while you're a little startled. You still answer him.

"Yes, we're alright, some noble was being a jerk while we were shopping though." You respond, looking displeased when mentioning that disgusting noble.

"Ah. I see. I'm sorry to hear that. And flure, are you sire you're alright? You look rather jarred."

"A-ah, yes I'm fine, it was a successful shopping trip. Sorry for worrying you."

.

.

.

.

Needless to say, the butlers were confused when everyone in town was treating them kindly.

.

.

.

.

.

A/n #2: wanted to write this bcs the nobles piss me off with how they treat the butlers smh

[shisekibo]

[Event Story] Chapter Four - The Second Floor Butlers’ View of Marriage

↫ previous story | story list | next story ↬

Haures:

 “What do I think about marriage...? Let’s see.”

Haures:

 “You have to spend eternity with your partner...”

Haures:

 “I think married couples should help one another.”

Haures:

 “I’m not great at housework... So I’m sure I’ll cause my partner trouble at first...”

Haures:

 “But I don’t just want to leave it to them...”

Haures:

 “I don’t think I’ll ever stop doing my best for them.”

Haures:

 “Hm. That’s all, I think...”

Haures:

 “Oh! One last thing...!”

Haures:

 “I want to protect my spouse no matter what.”

Haures:

 “Even if that means risking my life...”

Choices:

“That’s so like you, Haures.”

“How wonderful.”

Haures:

 “Th-thank you... Master...”

Ammon:

 “Why are you getting all shy over a compliment from the Master?”

Haures:

 “I-I’m not...”

Ammon:

 “Oh~? Really? That’s funny~.”

Haures:

 “You...”

Boschi:

 “sigh... Haures. You said you’d work hard at housework too...”

Boschi:

 “But I don’t think any amount of effort would help you there.”

Boschi:

 “Just how long have you been shit at them?”

Haures:

 “Sh-shut up, Boschi...”

Haures:

 “I’m still better than most of the other Butlers...”

Fennesz:

 “It’s true. You used to be much more useless.”

Haures:

 “Ugh... That’s enough about me.”

Haures:

 “Come on. Fennesz, you’re next.”

Fennesz:

 “M-me...?”

Choices:

“Tell me.”

Fennesz:

 “O-okay. I see... My views on marriage...”

Fennesz:

 “I would like to live in a peaceful household.”

Fennesz:

 “Life is hard enough as it is...”

Fennesz:

 “I want to go home to a house where I can live a calm life...”

Fennesz:

 “I want to be with someone who makes my mood lighter just by being with them.”

Fennesz:

“That’s the kind of warm family I want to build.”

Choices:

“A warm family...”

“That sounds good!”

Fennesz:

 “I’m almost a little embarrassed.”

Fennesz:

 “I’m sorry for sounding so presumptuous.” 

Choices:

“That’s not true at all.”

“I thought it sounded amazing.”

Fennesz:

 “Oh. Master...”

Fennesz:

 “Haha, thank you.”

Fennesz:

 “Now then, you’re next Ammon.”

Ammon:

 “U-uh, me?”

Ammon:

 “Now it’s my turn I’m kinda nervous.”

Choices:

“Tell me.”

Ammon:

 “Got it. Lemme think~.”

Ammon:

 “There are two things I want in a marriage.”

Ammon:

 “First, cash.”

Ammon:

 “If I get married... I want to make sure we have our finances in order so we never get in money troubles.”

Ammon:

 “Love’s important too, but...”

Ammon:

 “The more money I have, the more I’ll be able to make my partner smile.”

Ammon:

 “The second thing is... excitement.”

Ammon:

 “I want my partner’s heart to always be racing.”

Ammon:

 “I want us to act like lovers, even if we’re always together all year round.”

Ammon:

 “That’s the kind of relationship I want.”

Choices:

“That’s so like you.”

“That’s charming, Ammon.”

Ammon:

 “Haha, right?”

Ammon:

 “Nowww. Mr. Boschi, you’re last.”

Ammon:

 “Mr. Boschi, don’t hold back. Be quick about it, okay?”

Boschi:

 “What do you mean, hold back? I won’t say anything weird.”

Choices:

“Tell me, Boschi.”

Boschi:

 “Sure.”

Boschi:

 “If I were going to get married...”

Boschi:

 “I’d never want to hurt my partner.”

Boschi:

 “I’ll protect them, no matter what.”

Boschi:

 “That’s all.”

Choices:

“How like you.”

“So simple.”

Fennesz:

 “I believe Boschi when he says he’ll protect them.”

Haures:

 “Yes... Boschi’s strong.”

Ammon:

 “That really was quick. Well done, Boschi.”

Boschi:

 “Shut up.”

Muu:

 “You really have thought about marriage, haven’t you?”

Muu:

 “Okay, Master! Let’s go ask the other Butlers?”

Choices:

“Good idea!”

“I want to hear...”

Haures:

 “The First Floor Butlers are over there, if that’s your plan.”

Haures:

 “Why don’t you go speak to them?”

Choices:

“Thank you, Haures.”

Fennesz:

 “It was fun talking to you, Master.”

Ammon:

 “Let’s talk more later, when you have time.”

Boschi:

 “See you.”

[365days365movies]

March 15, 2021: Clash of the Titans (1981) (Part Two)

I think mythology is squarely out of the equation now.

We’re gonna have to go with the Disney’s Hercules route with this movie, huh? Enjoy it for what it is, and forget the ways in which is destroys the source material. Well...if I gotta, then I guess I will. OK then, on with the show! Check out Part One for more!

Recap (2/2)

So, Pegasus has been captured by Calibos and his guys. That’s gonna be a problem, since they needed him to cut the journey to the Grey Sisters in half. Well, it doesn’t matter, and the group heads there anyway. Perseus tries to persuade Andromeda, but she rightly points out that she’s the only royalty there, and they all technically her. She girl-bosses her way out of there, and the rest follow.

In Olympus, Zeus asks Athena where her helmet is, and she replies that it’s forever lost in the swamp. Damn, Hades is gonna be piiiiiiissed. Zeus demands that she provides a replacement: her owl, Bubo. And I have a mini-stroke because he just called a GODDAMN BARN OWL BUBO. See, Bubo is the genus that contains the horned owls, including the great horned owl, snowy owl, and eagle owls. They belong to the family Strigidae. Barn owls not only belong to a different genus (Tyto), BUT A DIFFERENT FAMILY ENTIRELY (Tytonidae). So why in the FUCK did they choose a BARN OWL to play Bubo? Or, why did they name it Bubo, considering the fact that Athena’s owl is a little owl (Athene noctua). ORNITHOLOGY RAGE

...Anyway, she understandably refuses. Which is when Hephaestus (Pat Roach) steps up to make a metal replica of Athena’s companion. And yeah, Athena loves her owl almost as much as I love owls. Shae that she’s shit at naming them accurately, though.

The mechanical owl is sent to meet up with the group, as they ride through the desert. And, uh...this clockwork owl is cool, but also goofy as fuck. Also, looks nothing like a barn owl, but whatever. The mechanical owl, also named Bubo, speaks in clicks and whirs, which Perseus can somehow understand. He leads them to the shrine of the Greae.

As they head through the mountains, I think this is a good time to remind myself that this movie came out in 1981. Because I gotta tell ya, this movie feels way WAY OLDER than that. It’s weird, but it really feels completely out of its actual time. It seems like it should’ve come, like 10 or 15 years earlier, at the very least. It’s a little bit of the Harryhausen thing, sure, but it’s also the overall tone and feel of the film. It’s hard to explain, but it feels...old. TOO old.

Anyway, the group makes it to the mountains where the sisters live, and leave Ammon and Andromeda at the base, leaving just Perseus, Thallo, and the soldiers. Bubo’s coming along as well, and...yeah, the owl throws shit off. Especially as we meet the surprisingly accurate Greae (Flora Robson, Anna Manahan, and Freda Jackson).

The Greae, or Grey Sisters, or Stygian Witches as they’re called in the film, are three blind sisters who share a mystical eye, in the form of an orb. They’re pretty goddamn great, honestly. Perseus uses Bubo to steal the eye, in order to give Perseus leverage and get the answer he seeks.

His question is, in this case, how a mortal man can defeat the Kraken. They tell him that he can do so by optaining the head of Medusa, the Gorgon, whose gaze yaddayaddayadda. Additionally, her blood is deadly poisonous. Perseus gives back the eye, and they head back down to Ammon and Andromeda. At a fire, Ammon tells the myth of Medusa. Here, though, she was a priestess of Aphrodite instead of Athena, and was...seduced...by Poseidon. Whoof. To be fair, the whole “raped by Poseidon” thing is a relatively recent revelation in scholarly circles, and to be even more fair...they probably couldn’t mention that shit in a movie for all audiences, especially in 1981.

Andromeda’s put off by the story of the dangerous Medusa, and worries greatly for Perseus. He tells her to stay behind, but she continues to insist on going with him. She goes to sleep, and wakes up to only Ammon, as Perseus has left her behind for her own safety.

Perseus and the soldiers make it to the shore, where Medusa’s lair lies on the “Isle of the Dead”. Said island is in...the River Styx...and to get there, you have to pay the ferryman...CharonOK LOOK.

MEDUSA DOES NOT LIVE IN THE UNDERWORLD, OK? She lived on an island either off of the Aegean Coast, or in Libya, for god’s sakes. She was NOT dead, she was cursed. And Charon WOULD NOT BE THERE, because the River Styx in in the GODDAMN UNDERWORLD. This is wrong on...so many goddamn levels. What’s next, is Cerberus gonna be here for some goddamn reason? Yeah, right.

Well, Perseus and the men, with the aid of Charon, make it across, and onto the Island of the dead. They see many statues here, and Perseus tells them to use the mirrored sides of their shield if they are to encounter Medusa. However, they encounter...Cerberus’ brother.

...Huh. I mean, at least it isn’t Cerberus. No, this is Orthrus, an actual mythological two-headed dog, and actually Cerberus’ brother. Orthrus manages to take out one of the soldiers, leaving Perseus and two guys for backup. Perseus kills him, and they head into Medusa’s temple to take her out.

The atmosphere in the temple is admittedly eerie, as the group does their best to make it through alive and undetected. One guy goes down by arrow shot, though, and soon after that, we see where the arrow came from. And unfortunately for him, so does the other soldier, first hand.

Perseus uses the mirrored shield to distract Medusa, who actually does look pretty great. This is, by the way, the one thing from the reboot film that I think they did pretty well, honestly. And I see that they got many of Medusa’s flourishes specifically from this film. Neat! Anyway, Perseus bides his time, but he gets her. He slices of Medusa’s head, killing the snakewoman outright. He collects the head, but leaves the shield LIKE A DUMBASS. Said shield is dissolved by Medusa’s blood, and Perseus leaves the temple.

On the other shore, Perseus reconvenes with the men and Bubo, and puts the head in a bag. There, of course, Calibos arrives, even though Bubo is SUPPOSED to be the LOOKOUT, goddamn it. Calibos knocks the useless Bubo into the water, and goes to work. He stabs the head, causing it to leak blood droplets that turn into three gigantic scorpions. Um...sure. The scorpions kill the other soldiers, Thallo included. Well, damn. However, Perseus is now PISSED, and kills both the scorpions AND Calibos in revenge.

Afterwards, Perseus drinks from the river, injured and weak. Finally, Bubo climbs out, deciding to be of some use for once. Perseus tells him to find Pegasus, who’s still being held captive by Calibos’ men and the giant vulture. Bubo agrees, and flies off to their camp, where he chases off the men and vulture. Yeah. A tiny golden owl who was defeated by WATER just fought off 5 guys and a giant vulture. AND set the camp on fire, AND released Pegasus. Geez, Bubo, way to wait until the last goddamn second to be useful.

Meanwhile, in Joppa...well, thinks aren’t amazing in Joppa at the moment. Time’s up, and Andromeda’s death date is here. Perseus, head in tow and...no sword. He forgot it with Calibos, didn’t he? DAMMIT PERSEUS PICK UP YOUR SHIT. Anyway, he stumbles back to the amphitheatre in Joppa, where he collapses. In Olympus, Zeus observes all of this, and Thetis tells him that it’s time to kill Andromeda with the Kraken. He’s been surprisingly cool with all of this for...some reason, and tells Poseidon to release the Kraken to kill Andromeda. But he also revitalizes Perseus in the process.

Off the coast of Joppa, Poseidon watches as the Kraken is released. And, uh...I think the time has come. See, the Kraken is the film’s version of the monster Cetus, who I always saw as a monstrous sea serpent. The film however...

...He looks goofy. Sorry, I AM SORRY, but he looks silly to me. It’s not helped by his noodle arms and weird fish body, I guess, but dude looks silly to me. I’ll give the 2010 movie credit, that Kraken actually did look pretty goddamn terrifying.

Well, as planned, Perseus makes his way there on Pegasus (it’s weirdly drawn out, though), and with Bubo assisting him, whips out his secret weapon: the head of Medusa.

And bing bang boom, before you know it, the Kraken’s a stone statue, and falls apart into the sea. Andromeda’s saved, the Kraken is dead, and Joppa cheers! Perseus decides to lose yet one more weapon, and tosses Medusa’s head into the sea. He frees Andromeda, and the two finally get married after all of that.

In Olympus, Zeus triumphs, having won over with his nepotistic bullshit. The other gods fear what would happen if other heroes like Perseus were to appear, and if humans could one day learn to have imagination and tenacity like him. But Zeus brushes it off, and forbids the gods from ever going after Perseus again. He gives Perseus, Andromeda, Pegasus, and Cassiopeia (for some reason) constellations. Because, yeah, that’s the kind of thing Zeus does.

Because, even if mankind abandons the gods, stars will last forever, and the stories of Perseus will last until the end of time.

And that’s Clash of the Titans! I have thoughts! I have thoughts. See you in the Review.

[munchflix]

MUNCHFLIX - “DEMON” HOUSE

IMDB BLURB: Paranormal investigator and moldy walnut Zak Bagans documents the most authenticated case of possession in American history.

WARNINGS: Zak Bagans is a fucking asshole. Correllation is not causation. Also mentions of suicide and murder. 

RATING: An 8 out of 10 on the demon scale

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this. 

Munch: I'm Munchflower Zaius, paranormal movie investigator. I've investigated like 10 terrible paranormal movies this week. I don't have a t.v. show but if I did it wouldn't be a ghost hunting show. I'm one of the leading researchers on ghosts and demonology because if Zak fucking Bagans is then so am I - and this is the movie that really fucked Biscuits up. This movie was the next paranormal activity, it was the next Asylum movie, and I went all out. I had resources like Amazon Prime, a great crew of just Biscuits, I thought I was gonna crush this review. But in the end...nothing was as it seemed.

M: Biscuits fell ill and couldn't leave his room for 8 days, he didn't feel like himself. He screamed and wailed and tore at his hair. (no really ) He drew pictures of Zak Bagans and set them on fire.  I fired him or he quit or something. Witnesses and experts ended up in the hospital and at the heart of it all was a little screwed up ghost hunter. It took us three years to write this review, we had everything we needed...but the truth is...this film is cursed. 

Biscuits: I hate this fucking movie. I have watched some terrible movies, we have reviewed some terrible movies. But this movie...this movie makes me angry beyond words. This movie makes me hate. This movie made me so furious that I not only hate it, I hate Zak Bagans, the man. I have never met him, but if I did, I think I would punch him in the balls. This review is going to be 90% me just screaming, because it makes me that mad. 

M: This is gonna be my fucking opening gif right here...

B: Oh yeah, this - there's a demon here in this fucking Amazon Prime video. He got in with his fucking 30-day free trial. Oooo it's gonna come get us! I'm so scared!!

M: ...

B: Oh, Zak "I-have-a-series-on-the-Travel-Channel" Bagins! Yeah, that makes you a qualified expert demonologist, Zak. "One of the world's LEADING researchers on ghosts and demonology" - no, no you're fucking not! What do you actually know about demons?? Also, let's add the fact that Zak Bagans is a terrible actor, and his monotone narration does nothing to improve the atmosphere of the movie.

B: It took him three years to finish this film, and it still sucks! Way to go buddy, it took us three days to make that potato salad!! THREE DAYS!

B: "This film is cursed!!" Yes it is, this is the curse! It's cursed to make me angry!

M: So spoopy! I'm spooped solid, are you spooped solid? Actually, if I had to say, my spoop level is actually somewhere along the levels of 'explosive diarrhea'.

B: This movie is explosive diarrhea. That's - that's a man whistling into the microphone, subtitled as 'wind whistling'. We are Zak Bagans' therapist for a minute, helping him dissect his dreams. One time I had a dream where I traded my non-existant son for two cool posters. I don't think THAT dream meant anything. Imagine a ghost hunter having dreams about ghosts!

M: Imagine a ghost hunter.

            Pictured: Zak Bagggggans confused by electrical equipment

B: We also introduce the idea of a 12-foot-tall goat man, who never really comes up in the movie again. Is that Orcus himself? Oh shit, this is getting real. I'm not high level enough to fight a demon lord!

M: The demon vaped in my face!

B: "And I knew...this was some serious shit that meant something." I COULDN'T make that shit up. Genuinely. What does it mean, Zak? Would you care to explain? I don't know what does it mean.

B: This movie is NOT actually about the well-known Gary, Indiana story of demon posession. It's mostly about Zak Bagins fucking around.

M: Mentally masturbating himself for being some sort of sick ghost expert. Why would anyone call Zak Bagans about this? I think he made that shit up.

B: So, basically, Zak Bagans bought this house in Gary, Indiana where this alleged possession took place. A newscaster pronounces his name as 'Zak Baggins'. Guys, Bilbo Baggins bought this haunted house! He bought it because he wanted to make a movie about it.

M: Why?

B: To convince everyone that his 'ghost hunting' career is legitimate and he shouldn't have dropped out of college. Useless footage of Zak Bagans convincing some homeless people to move out of this abandoned house. Don't get them involved in this, it looks very cold and they were probably just trying to find a warm place to warm place to stay. Don't get them involved in your shitty fake documentary.

M: Also, if this house is really like, MEGA haunted, why are homeless people hanging out in it? Homeless people ain't got time for ghosts.

B: No, they have real problems. Wow, this fuckin house looks like an empty house! Oh, this is the best part - he gets a text from a psychic medium. a warning he'll 'never forget', and we'll never forget either! He shows us this obviously voice-to-texted message claiming that he saw visions of a very large demon figure and that this house is, and I quote, an '8 out of 10 on the demonic scale'.

                                          Pictured: a demonic scale. 

M: I wanna see this fucking scale. I actually googled demon scale after watching this because I had never heard of a fucking demon scale. Guess what, there's no demon scale. If you have access to this demon scale, PLEASE message me. I have a mighty need to see this thing. 

B: WHAT the fuck is he talking about? Where is this demon scale?? Who made this demon scale?? This bitch just literally fucking made that shit up and thought we wouldn't notice.

M: And again, what exactly does this goat demon have to do with the house? What is the actual connection?

B: Does he just like hanging out there? Also, insert shots of some guy in a goat suit to make it seem scary. But we know that's just a guy in a goat suit. I guess that's what the demon is supposed to look like?

B: This also pisses me off - Zak Bagans and his crew track down this poor family by finding their home address from news footage, which is stalking, because they won't return his phone calls.

B: Also, let's not forget Zak's claim that a clairvoyant said this house was 'home to 200 demons'. WHAT?? Zak recounts some of the story of the family's supernatural experiences. But this is about him now! This movie is about HIM!

            Pictured: I really want to see his artistic rendering of this demon

M: He has about as much reverence for the supernatural as I have for him.

B: Also, they film these people from their car, perhaps as though they didn't want them to know they were being filmed! Good job Zak, stalking an innocent family to record them without their consent for your shitty, self-aggrandizing ghost show. At least they had the decency to blur faces.

B: They then say they don't want to have anything to do with the documentary. Zak Bagans makes up an excuse about how things have attached themselves to him from the house. Just leave these people alone. Problem solved. However, one guy is coerced into talking about what happened during the possession, which mostly affected the kids in the house.

M: I don't discount that something actually happened to the family that lived there, that they may have had some sort of supernatural experience. That's not really what I'm trying to say here - I just don't believe in Zak Bagans.

B: Or, whether it was supernatural or not, something obviously affected them that they perceived as paranormal that made them want to move out of the house. Of course, there are more realistic explanations for many of these experiences, but that's not what we're here to debate. Zak Bagans knows jack shit about parapsychology and is just pretending to for clout.

M: Imaginary clout... Also, these reenactments are the only good part of the movie. Props to those child actors.

     Pictured: children enjoying some fortnite just before becoming possessed.

B: Also, apparently, spirits are like velcro or something. I guess you can get 'infected' with ghosts. Watch out for that coronavirus, of course, but also, watch out for GHOSTS.

B: This priest performed definitely approved and legitimate excorcisms on this house I guess.

M: It's pretty hard to get one of those these days, but what do I know...

B: Yeah, we're not the world's leading experts on ghosts and demonology!

B: Zak Bagans inserts interview footage to make his fake documentary seem legit. If it was a real documentary about the Ammonses' experience, detailing  multiple points of view with people who actually know stuff about supernatural cases and/or parapsycology, it might be a good documentary. However, it is not. Zak Bagans does not know what a documentary is. He thinks he is so cool that he is the only expert necessary because he know EVERYTHING about ghosts.

B: Zak Bagans did not film this. He found footage and has nothing to say about it. He just wants you to believe that he knows stuff. I suppose it's context. But, as I've mentioned, this documentary isn't really about the Ammons family or their experiences in this house, it's about Zak Bagans.

M: All of this is just being set up to try to lend credence to the later part of this movie, which has nothing to do with any of this.

B: Zak Bagans heard someone else was having a demon party and wanted to be invited.

M: It's POSSIBLE, but it's extremely fucking unlikely. Anything is POSSIBLE. You're leading the audience, Zak.

B: Okay, if this was just a horror movie, one of those ones that's 'based ona true story', and Zak wasn't trying to pretend that this is all 100% real, it would be fine. I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it. As it is, it's Zak Bagans trying to convince us all that he's so, so cool. He has found DEFINITIVE proof of demons.

B: Of course it's creepy! It's a basement! It's like saying an attic is creepy - they're ALL creepy.

B: INDISTICT BACKGROUND NOISES??? THAT DON'T EVEN SOUND LIKE A VOICE?? Now we're getting into real ghost shit. While I don't believe Zak Bagans knows shit about ghosts or demons, he obviously has a lot of experience with indeterminate noises.

M: His entire show is indeterminate noises.

B: Ghost hunters LOVE indeterminate noises! Zak Bagans interviews a man about a weird noise on his recording. SO compelling.

B: An AM/FM radio went to static? There can't be any explanation for that other than ghosts... Zak also loves to make claims that he substantiates with NO evidence! It's almost as if he feels the FACTS might not be compelling enough. According to this police officer, the demons affect women and children physically, and 'stronger men electronically'.

M: No input on how it affects the weaker men, though.

B: Also, apparently, the epicenter of this demon outbreak is a spot of dirt under the stairs. Everybody knows dirt is demonic. Demons can't hide in concrete or solid flooring; they like a more naturalistic approach.

B: Aggravate OR abate the demon. Those seem like quite extreme options. Also, listen to the list of super spooky stuff the police officers dug up from the spot under the stairs: a pink press-on nail and PANTIES. Everyone knows a good demonic summoning ritual needs to involve lots of women's panties. VERY spooky. Also, a comb, two children's socks, a heavy bar, and a red tin. All very definitely demonic summoning artifacts and not just random items that got lost.

M: Zak refers to this pile of nonsense as a demonic altar.

                                     Pictured: one demonic altar 

B: This priest is on board too. He thinks these random objects are 100% demonic. Because of reasons. He believes it's NECROMANCY.

M: What does a priest know about necromancy? ...asking for a friend.

B: He knows it involves PANTIES.

M: I've never heard of a necromantic ritual that involves panties...not that I know anything about necromancy.

B: You know more than Zak Bagans does!

M: Ok, I am now an expert on necromancy, and hereby ALL necromantic rituals must involve women's panties...and uhh, a big stick, and a tin, and whatever else you've got laying around.

B: This cop assumed that this was a literal portal to Hell. That's where the panties came from.

M: HELL PANTIES.

B: That would be a great name for like...an all-female metal band. Or a really bad B-movie. Or both.

M: No way those panties could've gotten there any other way...demons is the only logical answer.

   Pictured: Detective Gruszka finally goes to the women’s section at Macy’s

B: THE WALLS WILL OOZE GREEN SLIME! No, wait, that always happens. "Half her hand went completely white" followed by a photo of half of her hand not being completely white.

                                      Pictured: a white person’s hand. 

M: Can I just take a moment again to say how much I don't like Zak Bagans?

B: So many unrelated people...confirmed that there was something on the blinds.

M: Which means...DEMONS ARE REAL! That's the only logical conclusion, right?

B: Insert shot of a spider, because that's SPOOKY.

M: Wow, it must be a lot easier to get an excorcism these days. 

M: Why did Zak Bagans record this phone call?

B: That's a very good fucking question!

M: Did he not? Is he just pulling this shit out of his ass for the camera?

B: His voice is so emotionless you can't tell.

M: Also, what relevance does this have to anything?

B: Big Hollywood producers only want money!! Unlike you, Zak, Zakary, who definitely DIDN'T make THIS movie for money or fame. This nonexistant 'other movie' about this story that is the source of all Zak's problems and DEFINITELY the reason the Ammons don't want to talk to him.

B: The homeless people and the landlord don't believe the house is haunted. That's Zak's version of trying to present a counter-point. Obviously, he never had to write an argumentative essay in school.

M: He was probably the guy in group projects who never did anything.

B: Homeless Person: "Money make you say a whole lotta stuff." Obviously, he's right.

                                   Pictured: no comment needed

B: "I'd like to find out rather the claims are real or false. I'm not here to fabricate nothing or sensationalize on anything..." ZAK.....................................go to hell.

B: You are here ENTIRELY TO fabricate stuff and sensationalize on stuff. That's why you made this MOVIE, Zakary.

M: Gosh it's crazy, it's almost as if money makes people say things.

B: It's almost as if maybe he thought you were paying him to say things for his movie. Did you slip that priest and that police officer some money 'to leave' too? "I'm not gonna tell you that until we sit down and make an agreement" YEAH IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE WANTS MONEY!

M: Zak Bagans is basically damning himself by leaving this in here...this guy's got it figured out, though.

B: He's not telling ghost stories, he's just explaining that this is profitable. Also, Zak does passively mention that there were members of the Ammons family who claim these alleged experiences did not go on. However, he doesn't understand what refuting a counterpoint actually is. It's almost like...he can't. Because, with paranomal shit, there's never enough evidence to truly confirm or deny.

M: "Wow"

B: Wow...insert 'wow' vine here. Oh, and this part where he intentionally brings up a photo he knows is fake and has been definitively debunked. SO, just don't include it!! Also, 'mold and other things' that could've psychologically affected the residents, including carbon monoxide. I have an idea, why don't we make this whole movie about a home inspector inspecting this house...

          Pictured: Munch had the mouse over the screenshot, fuck you. 

M: ALSO, all this shit is just in here to make Zak Bagans SEEM like he's exploring other avenues of explanation, which he then promptly abandons.

B: Zak Bagans has to explain to us (badly) what carbon monoxide and black mold can do to a person psychologically...perhaps causing side effects that can create or enhance the sensation that something supernatural is happening. "It's something to take into consideration." - but he won't.

B: "Some other normal explanation that was now being turned into a money grab." OH. I don't even have anything to say to that. You said it, not me. "Shit got crazy." That's how you know it's legit. Also, we are 32 minutes into this hour-and-a-half long movie, and we are now reaching the point where any sort of legitimacy goes right down the fucking toilet and we are flushed into the festering sewer of Zak Bagans' mind.

B: A family who used to live in the house shows up very conveniently to be in Zak's movie. These kids seem 'very convinced' there are demons. Some mildly supernatural hearsay is presented.

M: Also, point here - if Zak Bagans really believes that spirits can just attach themselves to anyone, then wouldn't he be deliberately endangering these people by taking them down into the basement?

B: An attributed quote that we didn't hear her say...because of course. And, if the basement reminds her of her DEAD BROTHER who used to stay there, that has nothing to do with demons, and is also a perfecty legitimate reason for her to not like going back into the basement after all these years.

                Pictured: A quote that nobody but Zak Biguns heard

M: Zak Bagans then proceeds to TELL THE CHILDREN that he JUST BROUGHT INTO THIS PLACE that demons can 'get inside of you and make you sick'. What, is he immune or something so he's not worried about it happening to him?

B: Also, this woman lived in the house in the 90s when she was only about 10 years old. It's almost as though, and I'm not making any claims here, that he wanted the Ammons family to be in his movie, and when they said no, he got a backup family to take their place in the script.

M: He knows all about possession, 'cause it happened to him.

B: No, for real. I was there. (I was the demon) He started doing ghost hunting because he got possessed once.

M: This is just an excuse for him to tell his origin story. Also, these kids look not on board at all with him being here.

B: Zak Bagans knows how to use Adobe Premiere. He's really proud of it. M: Again, if you believe all this is real, you are genuinely putting these people in danger. If they are legitimately afraid of ghosts following them, you are making it worse. Are you gonna come and save them, Zack?

M: I hate this fake 'EVP analysis' so much. "It SOUNDS like..." yeah, it can sound like anything if you tell people it does.

B: "What's wrong with this boy" is that you TOLD HIM that ghosts could latch onto him! Maybe he's SCARED because YOU SCARED HIM on purpose.

M: Then we get some black-and-white footage of Zak Bagans being a dick, and that's...proof of demons.

B: You pushed this guy a little bit. Honestly, it didn't look like you were pushing him that hard. It's also convenient that you weren't recording at the time but immediately started recording again as soon as you stepped out of the house, because this is all real, and definitely exactly how it happened.

B: These guys have to explain to Zak what he did, so that the audience can also get explained to what happened in the footage they just saw. I don't know anyone could have construed that as anything other than a genuine demonic possession.

M: He's not even a credible actor, like there's nothing believable about these performances. It's such shit. Zak Bagend must leave (for no reason) but then someone tries to break into what he repeatedly calls " My House" as if he lives there. Why would anyone want to break into his jank ass haunted house? This seems really unlikely. Zachhh says the cops won't go in the house. Too scared. Zak says it's " a different kind of haunting." Wtf does that even mean?

M: Zak is now interviewing the CPS worker from the case that this was supposed to be about.

B: Yeah you remember that?

M: No, not anymore. She seems credible, Zak Bagnnnns does not. I really don't believe he believes in any of this.

B: Yeah ask the woman about her emotional trauma, Zak. Ask a CPS worker about her trauma. Be like oh so this was a traumatic experience for you? You should talk about it with me for this shitty documentary!

M: She says her therapist told her to seek help. That's...pretty bad right? When your therapist says to seek help? Now some informative badly edited cards about things that allegedly happened in this house. Why didn't we hear anything from the home inspector who was choked in his sleep and got cancer??? That's some real shit!

                 Pictured: The one guy we really wanted to hear from 

B: This DEFINITELY had everything to do with demons. Demons are the #1 cause of cancer in the United States. They don't want you to know that.

M: Oh the fucking bike ride. On his way to do a second exorcism on Latoya ( why did she need a second exorcism?) this priest fell off his bike. Because demons.

B: Well you know it's not an exact science. I'd go so far as to say it's not science! It's not even science adjacent. Zak Bagel doesn't even know wtf science is.

M: I am literally laughing out loud. This priest says the demon was trying to figure out what would stop him from going forward with this second exorcism and the best thing this fucking demon, this 8 out 10 DEMON ON THE DEMON SCALE DEMON can come up with is knocking a dude off his bike?? Just get back on your bike, man.

B: This is my major problem with this movie, especially this second half. Zak Brainend presenting all this random shit that happened and blaming it on demons. This is the 21st century, we don't blame all our problems on demons. We don't live in the middle ages. This priest falling off his bike wasn't because of demons. 

M Correllation is not causation. This detective fucking slid on ice two days after being in the house and ended up in the ER. That is not because of demons.  Wait...is he interviewing him in the fucking ghost house?

B: And then he brings up him being shot during a home invasion and blames that on demons.

M: So he gets a call from Mika who was part of the backup family to tell him her daughter is in distressl WHY would you call Zak Braggans?

    Pictured: A girl with her face blurred out because I’m not Zak Bagans

B: This pisses me off. If this girl is actually suicidal and actually tried to kill herself, you don't put that in your shitty demon movie. If she's actually depressed and hurting herself you don't put that in there. It's not cool. It's very exploitative. You don't know anything about ths girl's mental illness or anything that's going on in her life. If this is all indeed real and not scripted, you're just a piece of shit!

M: But demons! 

B: Stay out of it Zak, this doesn't involve you. You're not a psychologist or a therapist, it's not your business. 

B: One of his crew members quits. Because of the demons.

M: And not because he thought maybe Zak exploiting a suicidal girl was bad. Where did they find this priest anyway, he seems so sketchy. 

B: I'm also pissed that they brought this suicidal girl in to have an EXORCISM. She needs mental help and therapy and a licensed person to help her. You don't give her an exorcism and go oh you're fine. When the exorcism doesn't work she's going to feel extra shitty. But whatever Zak, it's your fucking movie. You do whatever you want for your movie. Who am I to tell you what you can and can't do with a suicidal teenage girl. 

M: This confirms to me that this priest is sketchy as fuck. If he was reliable he would have said Zak no, this girl needs actual help. Zak is still blaming demons. I hate him so much. I hate his stupid douchebag face. 

B: And he sits here and puts this girl on camera and asks her questions about it. NO NO fuck you, genuinely fuck you Zak. Again, this is exploitative as shit. Trying to make cutting her wrists into being some kind of stigmata. Fuck you. This doesn't have anything with demons.

    Pictured: A religious phenomena usually experienced by the very devout 

M: Why would demons invoke stigmata anyway, that's....not how that works. 

B: It's just feels like Zak Blehgins is exploiting this family and trying to convince them that everything is demons from this house they spent 10 minutes in. Again, it's like he has no idea what he shouldn't do. Nobody thought to ask her about her feelings. If this is real she needs help and not Zak Blahggg asking her questions with a camera in her face. 

M: This poor teenage girl does not want to be in this. Her head drops and they're like OKAY EXORCISM OVER SHE'S FINE. Then Zak's psychic friendo Debbie tries to make contact with the demon remotely. Why? Why would she invite that? Does she wanna hang out?

B: Is she gonna like text the demon? Facebook messenger? How many psychic friends does he have? 

M: Oh she succeeded I guess and it said WHARBLGARBL. And then Debbie was killed in a double murder suicide.

                                           Pictured: Wharblgarble

B: Her husband murdered her and her roommate and if you really cared you would not put this in your goddamn demon documentary. Can you just leave shit like this out of it? Tie your friend's murder into your damn demons. This is why I hate Zak Biguns. He's a fucking manipulative asshole who tries to spin murder and suicide and cancer into his conspiracy theory movie about demons. ANOTHER point, the common thread among all of these stories is YOU, Zak, you could make exactly the same point about you. He also found a Hell is Real sign. Also trying to claim that demonic activity is higher in areas with high crime rates, poverty and murders. 

M: And now some facts about Gary, Indiana. 

B: And also exploiting this poverty stricken predominately black community. A segment where we explore actual problems that this place has. Zak you fucking absolute....

M: Zak is now telling us that like 5 people died there but he can't discount that someone close to the Ammonses might have cursed the house and invited the demons. Like...5 people dying there wasn't enough for you Zak? Zak's gonna go kick Latoya's boyfriend's ass because he thinks he tried to curse them with panties. That's a real thing that's happening. Zak can now tell whether people are into the occult by looking at them. 

B: Another previously unknown superpower. Maybe he has a white savior complex.

M: MAYBE? The boyfriend doesn't wanna talk. Big shock. 

B: What did you think was gonna happen.

M: This guy is a piece of work. Dr. Barry Taff, who holds a doctorate in psychophysiology. ( the study of the relationship between physiological and psychological phenomena, I had to look it up so you get to learn too, bitches ) He's gonna come and see if electromagnetic stuff is causing the demons. But everything is normal so...therefore demons. But there's a spike in the basement. That doesn't mean it's demons though. In fact, it would seem to indicate the opposite.

B: This happens on a lot of ghost hunting shows. I'm not sure what your weird electromagnetic shit has to do with ghosts but..?

                     Pictured: Zak Bagans realizing he’s a huge idiot

M: Now Zak has to go walk off again. He's being really affected by these demons. Weren't there supposed to be like 200 demons here or something? Doesn't this really do more to explain that demons aren't real? 

Z: Zak Braggins is a superconductor. He also seems genuinely surprised by what this guy is telling him.

M: That's because he doesn't understand science. Something causes him to lunge at the doctor, which is totally believable.

B: He just got mad the guy wasn't telling him it was demons. Fuck you and your science! The doctor hears a dog. Everyone knows demons bark like dogs. You said it was  goat man, why does it bark like a dog? 

M: So much footage of dudes just walking around supposedly being affected. Might be the carbon monoxide they actually detected earlier? Or the black mold?

   B: I love this part! This is fucking great. Footage of this guy walking around and then the cameraman's finger gets in the shot. It totally doesn't look exactly like what happens when you put your finger in front of the lens. Totally.

M: It's demons, obviously. The black anomaly. It's a fucking finger. They're just filming this dude walking around who seems to be ill and claiming he's touching the anomaly and shit. Take this dude to the fucking doctor. 

B: They take it to some NASA dude who enhances it and says there's no way it's the cameraman's finger. I still don't believe it's not the cameraman's finger. Oh shit, I just realized...I have fingers!

M: It might be a dick. 

B: If this cameraman and the doctor both feel faint, maybe you should just get out of the house!

M: This literally sounds like carbon monoxide poisoning which can cause nauseau, headaches, confusion, memory loss and literally every other thing except bad acting. Adam the cameraman wanders off and they find him in the basement. He later apparently starts VOMITING BLOOD??? Take this boy to the hospital! He starts screaming Zak in a weird voice so they decide to film it, natch.

                                  Pictured: Criminal negligence

B: Zak....zaaaaaaaaak i need to go to the hospital....this seems like negligence. M: Now they've lost him. Lots of footage of Adam being really aggressive for no reason. Nobody is concerned any longer about his vomiting blood. Something is wrong with this dude and you assholes are filming him. Adam wants to go to the house because of reasons that I'm sure are 100 percent legit. Maybe he's just tired of being in this shit ass movie with these shit ass friends. Zak says this is the scariest thing he's ever seen in his life. 

B: This movie is the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life.

M: I honestly love the Adam bit. It's so fake. This dude is just being a dick on camera and Zak is like IT'S OBVIOUSLY DEMONS. Dr. Taff has a loud noise in his ear later on that wakes him up.

B: He's literally explaining exploding head syndrome. I have this, I know what it is. Characterized by loud noise you suddenly imagine just before you fall asleep, and can also occur as you wake up in the night. Google it. Also not caused by demons!

M: He wakes up with blood in his ears. Go to the hospital! 

B: Or he had a stroke, or an aneurysm. 

M: Meanwhile...Adam is getting interviewed instead of going to the hospital for barfing up blood. Adam doesn't wanna be on tape but they tape him secretly because they're fucking assholes. Adam says you know what I said bruh and Zak is like omfg the goatman. 

Pictured: It’s hard to find good images because this movie is also badly badly filmed and it’s just shitty creepy shots and then Zak talking.

B: It wants you, Zak, you're the leader of the bunch. 

M: Adam has a fucking aura of freezing air and EMF around him but we don't get to see any of the instruments they're using to record that.

B: These are obviously some very trustworthy guys. 

M: They are filming him without his consent.

B: Seems to be a recurring theme. 

M: Dr. Taff finally gets to a fucking hospital where his organs are shutting down. Like every single one of them. He mentions infection in his prostate.

B: I don't think his organ failure is best explained by demons. He has a severe medical problem. 

M: All these people he's saying got sick and NOBODY fucking went to a hospital? 

B: No..my dude...you are sick. You have a medical problem, not demons. M: Oh and now Adam has been removed from the crew because he's being weird and violent. They try to get him help but Adam refuses. I think Adam just got sick of their shit. 

B: They had to make something up. 

M: You have anything you wanna say here before Zak boards himself up in the house...alone...overnight?

B: Have fun, big guy.

M: Zakkkk " I know this sound stupid..."

B: It IS stupid. You set yourself up for that one. We're gonna have a sleepover with the demons! Pictured...the tiny penis in it's natual habitat.

M: This part is so fucking dumb. It's just....deeply deeply dumb.

B: They also moved in furniture so Zak can be comfy with the demon. And then... nothing happened. Lots of shots of absolutely nothing happening. I feel like I'm watching Paranormal Activity

M: Except stuff happened in that. Now in fast forward. Zak takes off his coat. 

                Pictured: the horror of seeing Zak Bagans undress

OOH SPOOKY. Nothing is happening. At all. He sits down and checks his phone so we can learn he doesn't wanna do lights out. Why? Nothing is happening.  He just keeps opening doors. What is Sebastian? I'm arranging matches. He makes sures the door is locked. 

B: Make sure the audience knows he's boarded up in there. You so brave. So big dick macho brave. You did this, Zak. Zak is scared of the dark. It's okay. It's natural.

M: I don't know why he's bitching. He orchestrated this. OOH LIGHTS OUT. NIGHT VISION ON. NOTHING IS HAPPENING. 

B: This part also feels like the intro to some weird night vision demon porno, he's just walking around with a camera.

M: That would at least be interesting. Nothing is happening at all. We just keep getting time cuts to more nothing happening. Finally they will decide this is too much nothing happening and make up some shit.

B: It's almost like shit's really boring when Zak doesn't have people around to help him make up shit. Hey did you guys hear a sound? No. 

                                                Pictured: Lies

M: 4:51 am. When will this end? How much more nothing happening does the audicence need. And not to put too fine a point on it...but this house is the DEMON HOUSE. Supposedly haunted by over 200 demons and a goat-man and also an 8 out of 10 on the demon scale, and NOTHING IS HAPPENING. 

M: Zak is getting a headache. Probably because of carbon monoxide. There's an obviously faked goat-ish noise. Zak tells it to get away because that's gonna work. Shoo, demon. 

          Pictured: A man gets mouthy while backed against a wall in fear

B: He sounds very sincere. Back the fuck up, man. Why do these dudes always try to get all up in the demon's face? Fuck you, demon. Maybe the demon just thinks you're rude. He was just trying to say hi.

M: A title card pops up to say that Zak Bagans witnessed a dark mass come out of the wall. There's cameras literally fucking everywhere but we don't get to see that.

B: Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink.

M: Now his eyes hurt. Which makes him yell and knock shit over

. B: Can you imagine how we feel in quarantine? He develops diplopia. Double vision. 

M: It's not that serious, Zak. Doctors can't figure out what caused it. This does not mean it was caused by fucking demons. We get updates on Kevin who apparently caught a demon from Zak. Adam went goth. 

B: Adam got tattoos and we looked him up and he makes horror movies and shit now. He just looks like a metalhead. I wanna say something here again about Dr. Taff and his diplopia. He's acting like doctors not knowing the cause of something is rare. It is not. Anyone with chronic health issues can tell you that. Tests and doctors are not infallible and it's often hard to diagnose things even if they're severe. 

M: Speaking as someone with chronic health issues, this is the case more often than not. The house has not taken a toll on you people you fucking walnut. 

B: We get a long list of correlation is not causation. 

M: So Zak decides to bulldoze the house, thus freeing the demons loose in the world to do their dark dark bidding. 

B: Or something. My theory is that he bulldozed the house so nobody could go back there and his investigation would be the FINAL word on the matter, like so he could be the ultimate authority on this case and nobody could come back and try to contest him...or try to profit off of these events after him.

M: Closing thoughts?

B: Zak Briggins seems like a complete douche. When you start the movie he's just some guy who hunts ghosts and thinks he knows things. But as it goes on, you see he's also very exploitative and manipulative and not a good guy! He takes advantage of people's deaths and mental issues and health problems to further his demon agenda. In conclusion, fuck you Zak Bagans. 

M: Zak claims that even tho the house is gone, the cops keep calling to tell him to tell him people are doing satanic rituals at the site on the regular. Why would the cops even call him for that? There's no house there. I call bullshit. On ALL of this. This story IS cursed, man. Don't expose yourself or your loved ones to the horrors of Demon House. 

B: I call bullshit on there being producers on this movie.

M: That's fair. I miss Ghost Hunters.

[jeannereames]

A lot of people on here joke about Alexander being “crazy” or “insane”, and I know some people hold the belief that he was an insane monster (I even saw an article titled “Alexander the Monster” which basically made Alexander out to be worse than the devil lol). I was just wondering what you think regarding Alexander’s mentality/sanity and why do you think some people believe that he was this crazy psychopath. Btw, I just finished reading Becoming and I loved it!!!!

First, thank you! I’m glad you liked the novel! Now, on to the question…

When people talk about “crazy” Alexander, it usually falls into two different categories. One subset is that Alexander went crazy with grief after Hephaistion died; I’ve argued against this elsewhere, so won’t again here in any detail.

Another subset claims he became megalomaniacal, pointing for proof to his “Persianizing,” including an attempt to introduce proskynesis (the bow before the Persian Great King that Greeks viewed as due only to gods), his desire to be deified, and a penchant for dressing up as various gods (Dionysos, Herakles, and even Artemis).

That tendency isn’t just on Tumblr; similar accusations are made in academia under the maxim that, “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” (Lord Baron Acton)

Yet that’s the cynical take. I think how one views the world (and human nature) has something to do with how one interprets Alexander’s behavior. We must recall that Alexander lived in a society where kingship was seen as divinely bestowed, and carried with it certain religious obligations with regard to one’s subjects.

Remember, not just anybody could be king of Macedon; one had to be an ARGEAD: e.g., from a specific family (gens). They were descendants of Herakles, and so of divine descent. This is different from the Successors who followed. Alexander was raised as a prince; Ptolemy, Antigonos, or Seleukos were not. The importance of these heroic ties can be found in the stories that popped up later, making Ptolemy a bastard of Philip (and thus an Argead), or the later Seleucid claim of descent from Apollo. And we know the Molossian royal house claimed descent from Achilles.

Again, not just anybody can be a king. One has to be special by ancestry.

Being born to the purple doesn’t necessarily make one any less of a dick. We’ve plenty of evidence to the contrary. (Demetrios Poliorketes? Pyrrhos? Antigonos IV Epiphanes?) But it does instill a different awareness of one’s place in the world.

Modern cynicism forgets just how seriously ancient people took religion. On his deathbed, among the last actions Alexander forced himself to perform until he literally couldn’t get up, were morning sacrifices to the ancestors and gods, on behalf of the Macedonian people. I think that says a lot not only about his own religiosity, but his sense of himself as a conduit between his people and the gods. The proper performance of religious rites were central, not just to his success, but to the survival of Macedonia. In our modern world, it can be hard to connect to this somewhat archaic notion.

In addition, the stories of him visiting hospital tents after battle, personally writing letters to his officers, talking and joking with his soldiers, marching with them, eating what they ate, and dressing as they dressed, all point to somebody who understands the principles of leadership, as opposed to just bossing people around. Some have argued that he lost that as time went on, but he was still out marching with them in Gedrosia (despite a collapsed or partially collapsed lung), so I’d argue he did not. The helmet incident (where he poured out precious water brought to him, because the rest of his men didn’t have any) is an exemplar of his continued understanding of what solidarity meant. It may have been as calculated as hell, but that’s not the act of a madman or megalomaniac. Also, just because it was calculated doesn’t mean it wasn’t genuinely meant. He was trying to keep his men alive, not let them give up.

Did Alexander, over time, turn into an arrogant little shit? Almost certainly, given his mind-boggling achievements, and the fact the Greeks never touted humility as a virtue. But I don’t believe he was a narcissist or had taken leave of reality. Such characterizations are simplistic, played for pop approval and laughs, or because it’s too much effort to look under the surface.

I do think he was struggling desperately to figure out how to govern such a vast, international empire, and not in some Tarn-esque “Brotherhood of Mankind” way. He never (personally) lost a battle, but uniting Eastern and Western ways of rule was a puzzle he never solved. THAT was his great failure. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Show me a hero and I’ll write you a tragedy.” And that’s where Dancing with the Lion will eventually head. Alexander’s story is, ultimately, not a triumph, but not because he was crazy or a Macedonian Hitler.

I’d also point out that people who oversimplify Alexander as either a demon or demented, are buying, hook, line and sinker, the moral narratives of the ancient authors, especially of Plutarch, Curtius, and Justin, but also Arrian and Diodoros. These are not neutral accounts. We must be careful of their biases.

All that said, I don’t want to excuse Alexander’s war crimes (and I don’t know what else you’d call some of what he did). But even those were not the actions of a “crazy” man. They were brutal, but considered (which may be worse).

Razing Thebes sent a message of what happens when a city foreswears an alliance multiple times. Rounding up and killing Greek mercenaries after Granikos sent a message to others serving under Darius (an attempt to peel off some of Darius’s more dangerous support troops). Razing Tyre (and Gaza) sent a message about what happens when resistance defies certain “rules of war” (Tyre’s treatment of the heralds). The burning of Persepolis was not a drunken frat party gone wrong; it was a political statement. Note ALL moveable wealth was gone and it happened just before they left, plus it destroyed the place where Persian kings were crowned, preventing one from emerging in Alexander’s wake. (Not that Bessus cared, nor Spitamenes after him). Philotas fell victim to a real conspiracy (even if he wasn’t part of it), not a CIA file (contra Badian), and the Proskynesis Affair was an attempt to regularize court procedure not institute worship of Alexander. The murder of Kleitos was, indeed, a drunken brawl, with no good excuse, but was followed by (I think) genuine remorse, even if he accepted the forgiveness of the troops because he needed to.

Even the choice to enter Gedrosia wasn’t the decision of a madman, but of one whose logistics were legendary for working…except when they didn’t, because of an uprising and monsoon behind them that was unplanned for. It was a FUBAH, not a foolish choice. He was looking for a trade route linking India and Mesopotamia. Notions that he just wanted to one-up Cyrus and Semiramis misses the point.

The so-called request to the Greek states for deification is problematic as to just what he asked, versus what was later said (remember, we’re hearing about it from Athenian demagogues who hated him). The claim to be the son of a god was not megalomania or a shot at divinity, but an affirmation of hero status; being the son of a god didn’t necessarily mean one was immortal one’s self. As for precedent, his own father had put a statue of himself alongside the 12 in his final parade, plus there’s a heroōn (hero shrine) built above Royal Tomb I at Vergina. That’s either Philip buried there (my own personal opinion), or his father Amyntas III. The Spartan general, Brasidas, received hero cult from Amphipolis after his death, but Lysander accepted it from the Samians will still alive.

Alexander outstripped every one of these by no small measure, and seen in context, his claim to be a son of Zeus-Ammon is not some bizarre, out-of-left-field assertion. If Lysander was a hero, and his father Philip, then what did that make Alexander? And the inflated “Final Plans” were about 50% invented by Perdikkas to get the army to vote them down.

Alexander did terrible things and we need to let those terrible things stand—call them out and recognize them. Yet when I look at his behavior, even in his latter years, I just don’t see the horrific corruption of, say, the Trump administration, or of Vladimir Putin’s Russia, or Xi’s China. At some level, I think Alexander still saw himself, and struggled to be, a “Philosopher King.” He just didn’t know what that meant anymore.

I think, by the end, he was lost. Macedonian kings were expected to win wars and provide loot. Alexander did that to a degree no Macedonian monarch had ever before achieved. He was the Energizer Bunny of Macedonian kings. His own men (and culture) had created a monster. No wonder he felt betrayed by their “indiscipline” on the banks of the Hyphasis. “But I gave you even more than you ever dreamed of!”

Indeed, he did. That was the problem. They made him turn around. When his army “defeated” him, he wasn’t sure who he was any more, or what he was doing. I see a lot of his career after as a scramble to re-define himself. He’d conquered all this territory at a relatively young age. Now what was he supposed to do with it?  Ruling is a lot less glamorous than conquering.

He’s perhaps the greatest military mind who’s ever lived (tied with Subutai, Genghis Khan’s general). He was also an exceptionally inspirational leader. But that “ruling schtick”? It got in the way. Appointing Hephaistion chiliarch was among his smarter decisions, even if Hephaistion died on him too soon. It was tacit recognition that he needed help. I’ve joked that Hephaistion’s appointment amounted to, “Here, you figure out how to make this whole thing work; I want to go conquer more stuff.”

Once he lost Hephaistion, he became a boat without a rudder. But as noted, his mourning was not beyond the pale. The only difference is that he had the money (and authority) to impose his wishes. As a former bereavement counselor, I wrote an article called “The Mourning of Alexander the Great” that deep-sixes misconceptions about mourning and Alexander’s behavior.

Was he “crazy”? No. Was he the devil? I’m sure the countries he invaded thought so. Was he a megalomaniac? Almost certainly not. Was he an arrogant asshole (especially when he’d been drinking)? Almost certainly so. But his arrogance sprang from an odd mix of massive, early success mixed with deep insecurity spawned by his upbringing.

I find him fascinating precisely because he’s not a simple read. He’s not Donald Trump. He’s not Adolf Hitler. He’s not even Caesar, or Napoleon. He’s intensely complex, which is, I think, the source of his continued fascination.

I’d advise those who read about him to allow for that complexity. Avoid simplistic readings, even while not white-washing the really ugly side of his career.

[xavier-sunshadow]

A Soft Heart

Eilithe’s words rang heavy in his mind as Xavier walked through the forest of Elwynn, before sighing and just going home. The burning anger he felt over his feelings just being dismissed. The anger and sorrow he felt at being told if he ever had to, to kill them...his parents. The accusation that he had abandoned his sister and that his uncle had tried to take her...or was going to try and take her? 

Xavier grumbled and grabbed a small glass dragon, gripping it tight and directing a single thought. 

I need to talk to you.

With that he fell into bed, tossing and turning before at last sleep took him, and darkness settled in. Since becoming who he was, Xavier had always had the same four dreams, outside of his visions. Usually one began with him in the scorching desert, another him lost in a port he did not recognize, but tonight was his least favorite: the ship. It was always the same, he would awaken and find himself on the deck of a ship being thrown by impossibly huge waves. There was crew, he could hear them shrieking and trying to save the ship while above all hell came from the clouds in sheets of rain and zapping green lightning. However he felt the tug just as the front of the ship went under, and quite suddenly he found himself in a warm room, sitting on a bench with the one person he wanted to speak to next to him. 

Ari looked at him, raising a brow as he handed him a towel. “You alright?” 

Xavier took it, opening his mouth to say the words he always said. ‘I’m fine’ resting on his tongue. It felt even more heavy than usual, a sour taste in his mouth, and as he looked into the brown eyes of his best friend, he sighed. 

“No.” he finally answered. 

The dark haired Sin’dorei frowned, moving to scooch and put an arm around his friend. “Come on Xavi...spill it.” he encouraged gently.

And so Xavier did, leaning against his friend as he told him of the interaction with Eilithe. How angry her words had made him, how confused he was. 

“And then she just storms off, leaving me with that! Gods it made me wish I’d taken my stupid cowardly self and done what I’d planned to do.” He finished, fists clenching.  

Ari frowned, just holding Xavier closer as his friend trembled. He had to be careful, as angry as he was sometimes on how Xavier’s family was just...ridiculously anti-emotion, he knew the blond would never forgive himself if something actually happened. He sighed, nuzzling the top of his head gently. 

“Okay...let’s take it from the top yeah? She was obviously worried about you, and you told her you’d been planning to run away...so she got mad because she was scared.” he started. 

“Great, because I’m not allowed to have feelings, I’m not allowed to be upset or grieve or...or...”

“Try to run away and erase your memories because you felt too much?” Ari sighed, looking at his friend in the face. “You didn’t even tell her that part, but you know I hated it and she would have probably punched you.” 

Xavier scowled, he knew the other elf was right but he still wasn’t ready to let go of his ball anger and hurt. “So what, I’m just supposed to survive like they do? Act like feelings don’t matter? That I’m just supposed to go on like nothing happened again and again, even if I lose the ones I love? Desert’s not meant for love, desert isn’t meant for feelings...gotta be hard Xavri’asan, can’t have feelings or care except you need to be loyal and care about this one part but oh don’t care too much so you can just fucking kill your family when you’re minorly inconvenienced!” By now he had gotten up to pace, working himself into an absolute frenzy. “How do I counter that? How do I even deal with the fact that I’m this bleeding heart useless feeling mess when everyone else is just...what, dead inside? Did they trade their feelings to a fel’s damned Loa or something? Should I just go march right back to that troll and trade mine just to fit in? Maybe she can just kill me so I don’t have to do this anymore because I’m tired, Ari, I’m fucking tired of feeling like I’m two seconds from shattering and no one cares.” 

Ari took a small breath, and had to turn from his ridiculously melodramatic idiot to roll his eyes, counting silently to ten before he could continue. 

“Xavier...loyal, soft hearted, feelings as big as Azeroth herself...you’re being an idiot.” He said, holding up a hand to cut off the next tirade the blond was about to throw at him. “You feel way too much, and yeah you’re kinda naive with some of this stuff and absolutely you need to get your emotions in check but she didn’t say what she did because she wants you to be like your father, or those other hard hearted men in your lives...she wanted you to remember your responsibilities. You have a responsibility to your siblings, your feelings aren’t invalid they just...have to be felt in conjunction with the fact you’ve got other lives depending on you.” 

Xavier winced, trying to hold onto his righteous anger, but it was fading into what it really was that was eating at him: guilt and confusion. He sighed, slumping back down onto the bench, ears wilting. Ari moved to sit beside him, looking at the floor. “If you wouldn’t have felt insanely guilty you would’ve just come back to the Knights when you thought they were dead...you would have turned your back on your sisters and brother and the Harbor...but instead you went and made a stupid deal with, luckily for us, a very smart Seer who let you grieve and see your mistake, but you planned to strip away your guilt by losing all your memories. The guilt you feel now? You earned that...but you didn’t do it, so you have to accept that guilt and move on to what’s really bothering you. So...what’s bothering you?”

Xavier also stared at the floor, his friend’s words hammering into his brain. He wiped a stray tear away, trying to focus on what was bothering him...really bothering him. 

“What she said...about my uncle. Why would he try and take Karkah? She’s safe here, and I don’t know what happened with my father in the Mirage but when I asked him about Ammon he...he didn’t respond, and he had this look on his face that I think meant he won...their fight y’know? So if that’s true, and both my uncle and father are here...someone has to be running the Mirage...and why would he try to take her from us? Why in front of everyone?”

Ari nodded encouragingly, latching onto something that hopefully the blond could actually figure out. “What do you mean?” he pushed. 

Xavier frowned, continuing. “He’s not a..a brute force kind of man y’know? When he got me rescued, he couldn’t be the one doing it, but he did it. He’s not a fighter first, he’s...he’s a chess player. He has pieces and thinks about his movements, he’s like every Sin’dorei noble I ever grew up around or with. You don’t just rush your target you destroy them from the bottom and then cut them at the top...so why would he switch like that?” 

Ari shrugged “There’s really only one person that can answer that question...sure glad you remember him so you can go ask him.” he offered his friend a grin, secretly relieved when he got a glare but a smile in return. 

Xavier nodded “No, you’re right...only way I’ll know is to ask him. Thank you, Ari...I don’t think I’m ready to apologize to Mai yet but...I know I should and make sure she knows I mean it.” 

“And you’ll never do something that stupid again and just come find me to cry and ruin my shirt again?” Ari added hopefully. 

The blond rolled his eyes, shoving the other Sin’dorei playfully “Yes, I’ll come find you instead and ruin your shirts.” he promised. 

Ari nodded in acceptance, patting him on the back “Good. Being soft hearted in a harsh world isn’t a weakness, Xavi. You just have to temper it a bit...you’re on the right path though.” 

Xavier smirked “When did you get so smart? Aren’t we the same age?” 

Ari raised his head haughtily “I’ll remind you I’m exactly three years older than you, means I’m three years smarter which is like one hundred years for you and the dumb shit you do.” he winked at him. 

Xavier laughed then, pulling his friend into a hug. “You’re right...I do dumb shit, but I’m glad I’ve always got you to catch me when I fall too far.” 

Ari smiled softly, hugging him back. “Always, little sundial. Always.” 

( MENTIONS: @eilitheduskbringer​ @kurel-andiel​ )

[cwnerd12]

Morning, David’s phone rings. David, lying in a comfortable-looking bed, a cast no longer on his arm, groans, rubs his face, and grabs his phone from the side table. He answers it, “Hello?” Monique’s voice, “I need you to bail me out.” David, “What? You aren’t supposed to be arrested any more!” Monique, “Oh, I’m allowed to perform drag, but the police are always there, and the moment one titty pops out, it’s an allegedly obscene performance.” David, “I am busy today. Jack’s coming home!” Monique, “It will only take you a few minutes to drop by the police station. I know you have the money, and I will still pay you back.” David, “All right, fine, I’ll be there.” He ends the conversation.

David opens the front door of his new apartment, perfectly prepared for Jack to come home to it. On the other side stands his new security detail, Randy, wearing his AFG jacket. Randy, “Good morning, sir.” David, “We have errands to run today.” Randy, “What kind of errands?” David, “Getting ready for Jack’s party, and some business I have to tend to.” Randy, “How are we getting ready for Jack’s party.” David, “We’re just picking a few things up-” He’s interrupted when the next door down opens, and Michele, wearing medical scrubs and carrying a stack of textbooks, walks out with her new security detail, Genevieve, in tow. Genevieve looks well-put together and professional in a pressed suit and tight bun, while Randy looks shabby in his old jacket and cargo pants. Michelle hurries down the hallway towards the elevators and David hurries after her, “Hey, Michelle!” She casts him an annoyed look, and says curtly, “David.” David, “Just making sure, you are coming to the party tonight, right? I mean, Jack will be pretty pissed if you don’t make it.” Michelle, “I’m volunteering at the clinic, and it usually keeps me late, but yes, I will try to make it to Jack’s party.” The elevator dings and the door slides open. They both get in, Genevieve and Randy following. David reaches to press the ground floor button, but Michelle gets it. They stand awkwardly in silence for a moment. Genevieve casts Randy a judgmental stare. David, “I finally finished getting the apartment ready a few days ago. I think Jack’s gonna love it. I worked really hard to make it into a place where he can be happy.” Michelle, “Yeah, that’s nice.” The door dings open, and Michelle and David step out into a parking garage. David, “How long are you going to stay mad at me, Michelle?” Michelle, “Until you find a way to un-fuck that girl.” Genevieve unlocks a large, shiny black security SUV. David, “Jack forgives me!” Michelle, “Yeah, well, Jack’s a lot more forgiving than I am.” David, “Come on!” Michelle opens the passenger door of the SUV, “I’m coming to your party. You can’t complain.” She gets in. David, “Michelle!” He looks on in dismay as the SUV backs out of the spot and drives away. Randy comes up behind him, “So what kind of errands are we running today?”

Inside a police station, David stands at the front desk with Randy behind him while a cop inspects his ID. Cop, “Soooo… the man who wants to be king is here to pick up a queen.” David, “Monique is an artist trying to make a living, and can you just go get her, please?” Cop, “Fine.” He goes back into the holding area, and comes out with Monique, her wig lopsided and her heels in her hand. Monique, “Thank you, David.” David, “Don’t worry about it.” They go outside. David, “Do you have cab money?” Monique, “No, I can get an Uber.” David, “I don’t mind taking you back to your apartment.” Monique, “You already bailed me out.” David, “Please?” Monique, “Fine. Twist my arm.” They walk down the block towards the parking lot. David, “I don’t get it. You’re able to legally perform, now, and everyone knows who you are. How are you making less money than you were before?” Monique, “Cops. They come, they keep an eye on everything. Bust anyone doing something they don’t like. Used to be much freer when they weren’t around.” David, “I’ll talk to Reinhardt.” Monique, “Oh, bitch, please, you really think he’s gonna pay any attention to you?” David, “He does.” Monique, “As long as the AFG has control over the MSS building, he’s got nothing to do. Besides, this is Shiloh PD, not MSS.” David, “Reinhardt can still pull a few favors, okay?” Monique, “Can and will are two different things.” Behind them, Randy says, “Shit.” Down the street, a paparazzo snaps pictures. Randy looks at David, “You might want to think carefully about what we’re gonna do for the rest of the day.”

David follows Monique down the hallway of a shitty apartment building. Monique, “You don’t have to follow me to my door.” David, “I thought I’d drop in and say hi to Shay.” Monique reaches her door and unlocks it, “All right. You have a good day, David.” David, “Oh, did you get a chance to finish Jack’s gift?” Monique, “Yes, don’t you worry about that. I’ll have it wrapped in time for the party.” David, “Thanks!” Monique enters her apartment, and shuts the door behind her. David sighs and looks at the closed door. He walks down the hallway, and knocks on another door. Shay answers, “What? Oh, hey, David.” David, “I had to bail Monique out this morning.” Shay, “Again?” David, “Yeah.” Shay, “You know this is against the amnesty terms, right?” David, “Talk about it with Abby.” Shay, “You know it’s only a matter of time before Abner declares the amnesty invalid, right?” David, “Abner knows that the AFG stands ready to defend itself. Besides, you’ve seen the numbers, you know he’s not going to go picking fights with us while he’s still fighting Gath and Ammon.” Shay, “He will.” David sighs with annoyance, “Look, I’m not dealign with that today, okay? Jack is coming home, to the beautiful apartment I put together for him, and everything’s gonna be really nice! That’s all I’m focusing on!” Shay, “Well, when you’re ready to focus on what the rest of us are focusing on. I’ll see you later tonight, okay?” David sighs, “Yeah, I’ll see you later, I guess.” Shay shuts the door. David turns around and gestures to Randy, “Come on.”

Outside the apartment building, the paparazzo has been joined by another one. They snap wildly as David and Randy get into the SUV.

In another shitty apartment building, Jessie answers the door to David and Randy. David, “Hey, Mom.” Jessie, “Come in, come in, I want to show you what I’ve done!” David follows her into a small, shabby apartment, where seven immaculate pies lie on the kitchen counter. Jessie, “Is seven pies enough?” David gawks, “Oh my god, Mom!” Jessie, “You said Jack likes chocolate, right? I made a french silk pie, which I’ve never done before, but I think it turned out fine!” David, “There isn’t going to be that many people there!” Jessie, “Oh, everyone loves pie!” David, “Yeah, but it’s just a small homecoming party! Not a coronation ball!” Jessie, “I don’t think you’ve ever complained about having too much pie.” David, “Yeah, well, that was before I had to figure out how to fit all these pies into the back of my car, along with the rest of the catering, without spilling.” Jessie, “I’ll bring the pies!” David, “You don’t have a car!” Jessie, “I’ll take an uber!” David sighs and sits down, “All right, I give up! You can bring the pies!” Jessie sits down across from him, “I knew you’d relent. I was worried that crummy little oven in there wouldn’t be able to handle it, but it did just fine.” David looks around the tiny apartment, “Mom, you have to let me get you a nicer apartment. Jack’s still a prince, and he owns CrossGen! He has all this money, it needs to go to something good!” Jessie, “I’m perfectly happy here. I don’t like taking money I haven’t earned.” David, “Mom, you have earned it!” Jessie, “I don’t like just sitting around. I like having a job.” David, “Bagging groceries part time?” Jessie, “I meet people! Sometimes they recognize me as your mom!” David, “You deserve better, Mom.” Jessie, “Well, what else am I supposed to do? Without the farm to run and boys to look after, I’m useless! Bagging groceries is better than just sitting around and watching TV all day.” David, “All right. I should know better than to argue with you.” Jessie, “Oh, David. How are you doing?” David, “I’m fine.” Jessie, “Have you been talking to that doctor?” David, “Yes, and he says I’m doing really well.” Jessie sighs, “I just worry about you, baby.” David, “I’m actually doing well. It’s pretty amazing what ending a war can do for your mental health.” Jessie, “You aren’t disappointed, are you?” David, “What? I’m with Jack! I never wanted to be king in the first place, I’m perfectly happy!” Jessie, “All right. I’m your mother, I can’t help but worry.” David, “You don’t need to worry about me any more, Mom.” Jessie, “That never stopped me.”

Back in the SUV, Randy says, “Where to next?” David, “Picking up some catering for the party.” Randy, “I’ll take you back to the apartment and get someone to pick it up for you.” David, “What? The deli’s just up ahead, it’ll be much easier just to get it.” Randy glances in his rearview mirror where a small cluster of paparazzi now snaps pictures, “We’ve got paps on us, man.” David, “I’m just picking up some sandwich trays! How boring can you get?!” Randy, “Really, we should just head back.” David, “No! I am not going to let those assholes harass me out of a nice, normal life!” Randy, “It’s not about-” David cuts him off, “I am not so pretentious I can’t go buy my own food, okay?! I want to be able to live my life and enjoy it! It’s enough that I have to go everywhere with a security detail-” he catches himself and calms down, “I mean, I know you’re just doing your job and you’re ready to jump in front of a bullet for me and all, but it’s kind of a lot to get used to.” Randy shakes his head, "Whatever you say, man.”

David goes up to the counter of a deli. A girl, Leslie, counts money at the cash register. David, “Hi, I’m here to pick up an order for David.” Leslie doesn’t look up, “Yeah, hang on,” she looks up, “Oh, shit! Oh, fuck! Sorry!” David, “It’s okay.” Leslie, “I’m sorry it’s just… the guy I had a crush on in high school was in the AFG… He got killed at Nob. So it’s kind of crazy to see you here.” David, “Can I just get my food, please?” Leslie, “Oh, yeah, sorry!” She hurries to the back. David stands there awkwardly, while other people try not to stare at him. Leslie hurries back, holding three stacked food plates. Leslie, “Okay, one regular sandwich plate, one kosher sandwich plate, a cheese plate, and a fruit and veggie plate, right?” David, “Yeah.” He hands Leslie his card. Leslie, “So… What you got planned?” David, “Just a little get-together.” A co-worker speaks up behind Leslie, “Prince Jack is leaving the hospital!” Leslie, “Oh, seriously? Aaaw! Oh my god, you two have such a sweet story! You make me believe in true love!” David, “Are you gonna give me my card back?” Leslie, “Sorry!” She hands him his card. He sticks it back in his wallet. Leslie, “Can I get a selfie?” Before David can answer, she turns around and snags a selfie. In the background, Randy laughs. David, exasperated, “I have to get going.” He grabs the food and hurries out.

As David tries to load the trays of food into the SUV, a crowd of paparazzi snap his picture.

In his apartment, David navigates how to fit the food into a very full fridge. Behind him, Abby says, “So she just fucking made seven pies?” David, “That’s Mom for you. You and Michelle can take some of the leftovers. I know you both hate cooking.” He shuts the fridge door. Abby, “Okay, so when am I supposed to start getting shit out of the fridge?” David, “I dunno, when people start showing up, I guess.” Abby, “Are you sure Jack will be up for a party?” David, “Well, we’re not exactly throwing a massive rager. We don’t even have alcohol, Jack can’t drink any more, that causes seizures! Besides, if getting out of the hospital after five months doesn’t warrant a party, what does?” Abby, “Alright, alright…” she thinks for a moment, “So, are you sure that you’re ready for all this?” David, “Yeah. It’s just a party.” Abby, “No, I mean like, Jack being home. Taking care of him.” David, “Absolutely. I’m ready to devote my life to just Jack. I want this.” Abby nods apprehensively, “Okay.” David, “What?” Abby, hesitant, “Michelle is worried that Jack’s gonna come home, and whenever he has a seizure, you’re gonna have a huge panic attack like you did at the hospital.” David, “That only happened once. I didn’t know what was going on!” Abby, “Yeah, Michelle said you’d say that. She said she told you about his seizures and exactly what happens, and you still freaked out.” David, “I’m not gonna freak out again, okay? I’m prepared this time, and I’ve been working with Dr. Othman. Besides, it’s not the seizures that I worry about, it’s the headaches. He’ll get up after a seizure, the headaches knock him flat.”  There’s a knock at the door. David looks at his watch, “Shit, it’s early!” Abby, “It might be Frankie. He’s not great with clocks.” David goes over to the door and answers it. Beth stands on the other side, behind Randy. Randy, “She says she knows you but won’t tell me her name.” David, “Oh, shit.” Beth, “It’s nice to see you, too, David.” Randy, “So you do know her?” David, “Yes.” Abby looks over at the door, “Oh. Fuck. Yeah, I’m getting out of here. Good luck, David” She awkwardly slides past David and Beth and disappears. David, to Randy, “Let her in.” Beth steps into the apartment, and David shuts the door. David, “What- what are you doing here?” Beth, “I was in town. I wanted to see you.” David, “Um, Jack is coming home today, so if you want to say anything to me, you’re gonna have to make it quick.” Beth, “Yeah, I know. And don’t worry.” She looks around at the lux decor, “This is nice.” David, “Yeah. Jack… Jack has a lot of money.” Beth sits down and looks around. David, “So, um, where- where have you been? I tried asking around after Council, everyone said you’d left.” Beth, “I went back to Carmel.” David, “Okay. Wh- what are you doing here?” Beth looks David square in the eye, “David, you got me pregnant.” David sinks down into a chair, numb with shock, “I- I… What?! I- I always used protection!” Beth, “Yeah, you never did check the expiration date on those condoms, did you?” David gapes at her, still utterly stunned. Beth, “I had an abortion two days ago. It’s why I’m here in Shiloh.” David’s heart shatters. He tries to swallow the hard lump in his throat, but it won’t go down, “Wh- Why are you telling me this?” Beth, “I thought you deserved to know. You deserve to know that I could have ruined you, but I didn’t.” David, “I- thank you. I think.” Beth, “I thought about it. I really did. I could make your infidelity known to the whole world. But I don’t want that. I joined the AFG because I wanted to take my place in history. I don’t want that place to forever be the girl who fucked David Shepherd.” David, “Beth, I am sorry.” Beth, “Yeah, well, tell that to Ryan.” David, “If you loved him so much why the fuck did you sleep with me?!” Beth shakes her head, “You really have no idea, do you? The way you affect people. What people will just blindly give to you. How easy it is to fall in love with you.” David, “I have said from the very beginning that I love Jack.” Beth, “Your mouth said that. Your dick said something else.” David stares, silenced. Beth, “So it looks like you get what you want. Fuck everyone else, right? Who cares what all they sacrificed for? You’re fine. You have your boyfriend and a nice apartment, and you don’t have to worry about being king,” she sniffs, “I’m going back to Carmel. I hope I never see you again,” She stands up, “I’m lucky. I get to walk away. You don’t get to ruin my life completely.” She leaves. David sits by himself, stunned and silent. After a few long moments, Abby enters, “David, what the fuck was that?” David, “Nothing.” Abby, “Seriously? Nothing?” David shakes his head, “Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

Sundown, back in the SUV, David stares morosely out the passenger window as Randy drives. Randy, “Hey, listen-” David, “Not now, okay? I mean, I’m trying not to be an asshole, but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now.” Randy sighs, “Sure thing.”

David walks into the lobby of the rehab center, where Jack’s suit-wearing palace security team waits for him. The lead guy says into his earpiece, “Boyfriend is here.” David, “Where’s Jack? I want to get out of here.” Guy, “In his room. We have a few last-minute changes in the plan we need to make.” David, “We’re just going home, how complicated does it have to be?” Guy, “Our orders are to bring the prince to his new residence without him being seen.” David rolls his eyes, “Whatever. Just let me go see him.”

Guy leads David down a hallway. One of the doors is open. Jack waits sitting in a wheelchair in a room full of security guys. He sees David coming and smiles brilliantly, “Hey, babe!” David smiles back at him, and kisses him on the cheek, “Hi, Jack.” He stands up and looks at Jack’s security guys, “Can I have a moment alone with him, please?” The guys leave the room, and David shuts the door. He moves a seat over beside Jack’s wheelchair and sits down. Jack, sensing something’s up, “What?” David sighs, “Um, Beth showed up.” Jack knits his brow in concern. David, “It’s okay, I she’s…. she’s not pregnant. She, um. She had an abortion.” Jack doesn’t say anything. David, “I thought it would be better telling you than not telling you. She- she said she never wanted to see me again, and I believe her, so, hopefully that’s something we don’t have to worry about in the future.” Again, Jack doesn’t say anything. David sighs heavily, “Are you okay?” Jack, “Yeah.” David, “Are you mad at me?” Jack, “No.” David, “You’re allowed to be mad at me.” Jack, impatiently, “Home.” David, “I kinda wish you’d be mad at me.” Jack, “Home!” David, “Okay.” David gets up and opens the door. He says to to the security guy out there, “We’re ready to go.” Security guy, “It’ll still take a few minutes. We’ve got a few delays.”

Out in the lobby of the rehab center, Jack’s lead security guy strains to keep his patience as he explains to David, “We were anticipating a discreet exit, but our plans relied entirely on keeping the date of the prince’s release secret. Right now, there’s an army of paparazzi all eagerly awaiting their chance to snap a picture of you two leaving.” David, “What? Did somebody leak something?” Behind Security Guy, Randy speaks up, trying not to laugh, “They knew Jack was getting out soon and then they saw you bringing home a bunch of catering and realized there’s only one reason you’d be bringing home a bunch of catering.” David, “Oh.” Security guy, “Now we have to arrange three decoy vehicles so we can get you home safely!” Every single one of Jack’s security guys give David a dirty look. Randy, “I tried to warn you, man.”

David sits scrunched down in the back of an SUV, where he can’t be photographed. Jack lays down across the seats, his head in David’s laugh. David, “Oh my god, I’m such an idiot. This is all my fault.” Jack laughs. David, “It is my fault!” He looks up at the window above his head, which flashes with camera flashes. Jack reaches up and snakes his hand around the back of David’s head. He pulls him down and kisses him on the lips. David sighs and looks him in the eyes. Jack smiles at him. David, “I’m bringing you home.” Jack, “Home.”

[binnedrubbish]

5/12/19 Notes

Lab Meeting Prep Pipeline:

(May 2nd, 2019 at 2:38 p.m.) 

[ ] Read the Results & Discussion cover to cover

[ ] Complete slides for all figures

[ ] Give a practice presentation

[ ] Read methods 

[ ] Complete fluorescence slides

[ ] Decide how to deal with ‘relationship between calcium activity and movement’ section

[ ] Give a practice presentation 

[  ] Read supplementary material cover to cover

[  ] Give a practice presentation 

Note to self: Relax.  Be meticulous.   Be disciplined.  Keep calm, do your best, trust your team.  

—— 

——

Advanced Optimization 

8 20 905

Live Action Poem, February 2nd, 6:41

Went to Brazil out of spite and saw

stone Jesus, arms open for a hug,

bought street weed, twice, from the same vendor

out of a reckless love for reckless love.

Hoped for a tropical muse and found 

a strong handshake from a dangerous man.

Holed up in Rio de Janeiro with piles

of paper money and paced all alone

angry at nothing if only for the moment.

Rain dampened slick stone walkaways,

waiters were too nice and I tipped too much.

One offered to be a bodyguard , violence

hinted in every smirking human moment.

God, I loved being a target, smug,

dumb, flitting away American Dollars.

Jesus Christ looming in stone on a hill top.

Titties and marijuana, iconic primadonna 

extravagant flora, dying fauna, fawning

over the climate. I went to Brazil

on an off month. To hole up 

safe from my sprawling little lovely life. 

To Do 26.1.19

[x] Cristina - Search for Hippocampus Models

[x] Ana G. - Draft e-mail call for interest in “Live Action Science”

[  ] 

Data science Club Thursday at 5:00 p.m. 

Astavakrasana 

laser-scanning photostimulation (LSPS) by UV glutamate uncaging. 

12.1.19 Goals

[x] Some Portuguese 

[x] Mouse Academy - first read 

[ / ] Dynamic mesolithic dopamine 

[x] Water rats * SMH

Acorn - tracks impact | BetaWorks | 2 years of money | PitchBook | Social Impact Start Up 

Mission Aligned Investors | Metrics | Costumer Acquistion Cost | Clint Corver -> Chain of Contacts -> Who To Talk to (Scope: ~100) 

Money Committed || Sparrow || Decision Analysis —> Ulu Ventures [500k] [Budget x ] 

Ivan - > IoS Engineering { Bulgarian DevShop } 

[market mapping] Metrics -> Shrug 

Peter Singer - Academic Advisory Board … 

[1 million ]

Product market testing 

Foundation Directory Online  - Targeted , Do Your Homework 

https://www.simonsfoundation.org/2018/11/19/why-neuroscience-needs-data-scientists/

Head-fixed —> 

~INHIBITION EXPERIMENT TRAINING PLAN~

STOP MICE:  20th.  GIVE WATER: 20th (afternoon) - 30th.  DEPRIVE: 31st... (Morning) RESUME: Jan 2nd.

21st - BLEACH/DEEP CLEAN BOXES 1-14 (Diluted bleach; Flush (with needles out) - Open Arduino Sketch with Continuously open Valves - PERFUSE System) *[NOT BOX 11 or 5]*; Run 15 mL of Bleach per syringe; Copious water through valves; Leave dry.

———

http://www.jneurosci.org/content/preparing-manuscript#journalclub

Friday - Dec. 14th, 2018 

[x] - Complete 2019 ‘Goals and Blueprint’ 

[x] - 2-minute Summary ‘Properties of Neuron in External Globus Pallidus Can Support Optimal Action Selection 

[  ] MatLab for Neuroscientists :: Basic Bayesian Bearded Terrorist probability plots 

[x] Statistics 101: Linear Regression 

“Golden Girls” - Devendra Banhart

“King” by Moor - FIREBEAT 

Reread - Section 3.3 to  

Monday - Apply for DGAV License (MAKE SHORT CV)

SAMPLE: ‘Sal’ From Khan Academy 

Make short CV

Tiago - Certificate 

MATH:

“We explicitly focus on a gentle introduction here, as it serves our purposes. If you are in 

need of a more rigorous or comprehensive treatment, we refer you to Mathematics for Neuroscientists by Gabbiani and Cox. If you want to see what math education could be like, centered on great explanations that build intuition, we recommend Math, Better Explained by Kalid Azad.”

Jacksonian March seizure (somatosensory) 

—

Tara LeGates > D1/D2 Synapses

Scott Thompson

Fabrizio Gabbiani - Biophysics - Sophisticated and reasonable approach 

Quote For Neuroscience Paper:

“Every moment happens twice: inside and outside, and they are two different histories.”

— Zadie Smith, White Teeth  

Model Animal: Dragonfly? Cats. Alligators. 

Ali Farke Toure 

Entre as 9 hora e o meio-dia ele trabalha no computador. 

Ele volta para  o trabalha à uma e meia.  

Ele vai as compras depois do trabalho.

A noite, depois do jantar, ele e a mulher veem televisão.

As oito vou de bicicleta para o trabalho.  (go)

As oito venho de bicicleta para o trabalho.  (come) 

A que horas começa a trabalhar?

Eu começo a trabalhar os oito e meia.

Normalmente… 

Eu caminho cerca de Lisbon.

É muito triste! Eu faço nada! Talvez, eu caminho cerca de Lisbon.  Talvez eu leio um livro.  Talvez eu dormi.    Eu vai Lx Factory.  

Depois de/do (after) 

antes de/do (before) 

—

Monday -> Mice 

MATLAB!

-

“New ways of thinking about familiar problems.” 

~*NOVEMBER GOALS*~ 

> Permanent MatLab Access [x] -> Tiago has license 

> Order Mouse Lines [ ] -> Health report requested… Reach out to Vivarium about FoxP2 

   -> Mash1 line -> FoxP2 expression?  

> Finish ‘First Read Through’ [ ] 

> Figure 40 [ ]

SAMPLE : ‘Afraid of Us’ Jonwayne, Zeroh 

Monday Nov 5th Goals: 

> Attentively watch:

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba_l8IKoMvU (Distributed RL)

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsuvM1jO-4w (Distributed RL | The Algorithm) 

MatLab License 

Practical Sessions at the CCU for the Unknown between 19 - 22 Nov 2018 (provisional programme attached)

Week of November 5th - Handle Bruno’s Animals 

Lab Goals - 

“Deep Networks - Influence Politics Around the World”

Paton Lab Meeting Archives

Strategy: Read titles/abstracts follow gut on interesting and relevant papers

Goals: Get a general sense of the intellectual history of the lab, thought/project trajectories, researchers and work done in the field and neighboring fields.

Look through a GPe/Arkypallidal lens… what can be revisited with new understanding?

First Read Through 

[x] 2011 - (22 meetings || 10/12 - SLAM camera tracking techniques)  

[ x] 2012a (18 meetings) 

 [x] 2012b (15 meetings - sloppy summary sentences)

[ x] 2013a (19 meetings - less sloppy summaries jotted down)

[x] 2013b (17 meetings) 

[x] 2014a (21 meetings) (summaries in progress)

[x] 2014b 

[x] 2015 (23 meetings)

[ ] 2016 (23 meetings) 

Current 

—

“I like, I wish, I wonder”

“Only Yesterday” Pretty Lights

retrosplenial dysgranular cx (?)

retrosplenial granular cx, c (?)

fornix (?)

Stringer 2018 arVix

Lowe and Glimpsher 

November Goals:

[  ] GPe literature - 

[ x ] Dodson & Magill

[  x] Mastro & Gittis

[  ] Chu & Bevan 

[x] Modeling (extra credit -Bogacz)

[  ] Principles of Neural Science: Part IV

[ x ] MatLab license… Website program… 

Extra credit:

Side projects [/ ] Neuroanatomy 40

[ -> ] ExperiMentor - Riberio, Mainen scripts… Paton! -> LiveAction Science

MACHINE LEARNING 

Week of Oct 29th - 

Symposium Week!

Wyatt -> John Hopkins -> He got into American University! 

Belly Full Beat (MadLib album Drive In) 

“The human brain produces in 30 seconds as much data as the Hubble Space Telescope has produced in its lifetime.” 

Sequence of voltage sensors -> ArcLite -> Quasar -> Asap -> Voltron -> ???

Muscarine -> Glutamate 

Ph Sensitive 

cAMP

Zinc sensitive 

5 ways to calculate delta f

2 main ways 

SNR Voltage — 

Dimensionality reduction of a data set: When is it spiking?

5 to 10 2-photon microscope open crystal 

…Open window to a million neuron…

Week of 10/15/18

Monday: Travel

Tuesday: Rest

Wednesday: Begin rat training.  Reorient.

Thursday:

Friday:

|| Software synergistically ||

—————

Beam splitter, Lambda, diacritic 

1.6021766208×10−19

‘sparse coding’

Benny Boy get your programming shit together. 

Week of Oct. 8th, 2018

10/9/18

[  ] Rat shadowing (9:30 a.m.) -> Pushed to next week 

10/8/18

[x] Begin Chapter 13 of Kandel, Schwartz, Jessell

[x] Outline of figure 36

[  ] Read Abdi & Mallet (2015) 

DOPE BEAT MATERIAL - Etude 1 (Nico Muhly, Nadia Sirota) 

Saturday - Chill [x]

Friday - ExperiMentor … mehhhhh scripts?  

Photometry -> Photodiode collects light in form of voltage (GCaMP) (TtdTomate as Baseline… how much fluorescence is based on TdTomatoe, controlling factor always luminesce - GCaMP calcium dependent) :: Collecting from a ‘cone’ or geometric region in the brain.  Data stored and plotted over time… Signals must be corrected… 

Cell populations are firing or releasing calcium.  (GCaMP encoded by virus injection, mice express CRE in a particular cell type).  

———————————————

———————————————

Brain on an Occam’s Razor,

bird on a wire, 

synaptic fatalism integrating 

consistent spiking;

strange looping: is this me? 

Thursday 

“We don’t make decisions, so much as our decisions make us.”

“Blind flies don’t like to fly”

[x] 9:00 a.m. Lab Meeting

[x] 12:00 p.m. - Colloquium

“It was demeaning, to borrow a line from the poet A. R. Ammons, to allow one’s Weltanschauung to be noticeably wobbled.”

“You must not fear, hold back, count or be a miser with your thoughts and feelings. It is also true that creation comes from an overflow, so you have to learn to intake, to imbibe, to nourish yourself and not be afraid of fullness. The fullness is like a tidal wave which then carries you, sweeps you into experience and into writing. Permit yourself to flow and overflow, allow for the rise in temperature, all the expansions and intensifications. Something is always born of excess: great art was born of great terrors, great loneliness, great inhibitions, instabilities, and it always balances them. If it seems to you that I move in a world of certitudes, you, par contre, must benefit from the great privilege of youth, which is that you move in a world of mysteries. But both must be ruled by faith.”

Anaïs Nin

[  ] MatLab trial expires in 1 day * 

[  ] 3:00 p.m. pictures

“We do not yet know whether Arkys relay Stop decisions from elsewhere, or are actively involved in forming those decisions. This is in part because the input pathways to Arkys remain to be determined.”

These studies prompt an interesting reflection about the benefits and conflicts of labeling and classifying neurons at a relatively grainy level of understanding.  

“The authors hypothesize that under normal conditions, hLTP serves an adaptive, homeostatic role to maintain a healthy balance between the hyperdirect and indirect pathway in the STN. However, after dopamine depletion, pathologically elevated cortical input to the STN triggers excessive induction of hLTP at GPe synapses, which becomes maladaptive to circuit function and contributes to or even exacerbates pathological oscillations.”

To Do Week of Oct. 1st - Focus: Big Picture Goals

[ x ] GPe Literature - Hernandez 2015 & Mallet 2016 (Focus on techniques and details)

[  ] MatLab! Lectures 6-7 (Get your hands dirty!)

[ x ] Kandel Chapters 12 - 13 

Tuesday Surgery Induction 10:00 with Andreia 

6:00 - 7:30 

Portuguese

Digitally reconstructed Neurons: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5106405/

To Do Week of, September 24th, 2018 

To Do Week of  Monday, September 17th, 2018

PRIORITY: 

DATA ANALYSIS PROJECT ITI 

———— PAUSE. ———————

Talks 

[x ] Mainen Lab - Evidence or Value based encoding of World State/Probability - ‘Consecutive failures’ - easy/medium/hard estimate of where the reward will be.  

Reading for the Week

[x] Chapter 9 - Propagating Signal | The Action Potential

[/ ] Ligaya et. al (2018)  (CCU S.I.?)

[x] Katz & Castillo (1952) Experiment where they describe measurement techniques

[  ] Raiser Chapter 4 - Stimulus Outlasting Calcium Dynamics in Drosophila Kenyon Cells Encode Odor Identity 

Video Lectures

[—  ] Linear Algebra (Trudge steadily through) 

[ — ] Khan Academy Logarithms (Trudge steadily through) 

MatLab

[  ] Trudge steadily through www.mathworks.com/help/matlab/learn_matlab 

*FIND PROBLEM SET/TEXT BOOK/WORK SHEETS*

Concepts to Grasp

[ / ] Master logarithms!

[  ] Review Kandel Et. Al  Part II *Chapters 5-9*

Neuroanatomy

[ x ]  Ink Figure 28

Project Planning?  Too soon! Too soon! Read some literature on the subject.  

17/9/18

1:00 p.m. Meet with Catarina to discuss “CCU Science Illustrated” (WIP) Project

2:30 p.m. Vivarium Induction 

_______________________________________________________

|      SPCAL Credentials     |

|   |

| login: |

| PW:   |

-————————————————————————

——

NPR:: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/09/11/644992109/can-a-barn-owl-s-brain-explain-why-kids-with-adhd-can-t-stay-focused

9.13.18

[ x ] Pauses in cholinergic interneuron firing exert an inhibitory control on stratal output in vivo (Zucca et. al  2018)

[ x ] Chapter 8 - Local Signaling: Passive Properties of 

-> Sub and supra threshold membrane potential (Conceptual) 

Monday, Sept. 10th 2018

“Eat the Frog First”

[ N/A ] Review SPCAL Lessons 1-5 (In Library?) CRAM THURSDAY? 

-> [/] wait for confirmation from Delores for theoretical test 

-> (Out of Office reply from person in charge)

To Do:

[/] Comment Out %PRE_PROCESS_vBeta.m 

[x] Change path name and run program in MatLab

[  ] Solve trial.blahblahblah error spkCount?  labels?

[  ] Change Epochs and run? 

[x] Chapter 7 - Membrane Potential :: Return to Pg. 136-137 Box 7-2 when sharp. ::

[x] Castillo and B. Katz (1954) 

[x] 12:00 - Neural Circuits for Vision in Action CCU

[x] 2:30 - THESIS DEFENSE: Mechanisms of Visual Perceptions in the Mouse Visual Cortex 

————

Extra-credit

[x] Ink Figure 24

[~ ] Finish “First & Last 2017” (100/127 = 78.74%)

——

Jax Laboratory Tools: https://www.jax.org/jax-mice-and-services/model-generation-services/crispr-cas9

Recommendation for Design and Analysis of In Vivo Electrophysiology Studies 

http://www.jneurosci.org/content/38/26/5837

On the Horizon: 

Schultz (1997) (Classic, classic, classic) 

*[x] 9/7/18 - 6:00 p.m. Flip water for Bruno’s mice *

ITI Data Analysis -> Next step ->…. 

[  ] (find the sigmoid call) /  Poke around preprocessing_beta 

Reading 

[x] Chapter 6 - Ion Channels

[ / ] Finish Krietzer 2016 —> [  ] write an experiment-by-experiment summary paper

Resource: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPsCVKhNvlA Helpful explanation of ChR2-YFP, NpHR, and general ontogenetic principles.

[ / ] Reiser Chapter 3.3.38 - 3.4 (Need to finish 3.4.5, Look up Photoionization detectors, Coherence) 

Neuroanatomy

[/]  Finish Figure 24 (need to ink)

“Drawing Scientists “

[/] Storyboard for GCAMP6s targeted paper 

-> Show Filipe for feedback ->

-> Ask Leopold permission ? Talk to Catarina 

[  x] 16:9 

[x] Write script and record [ 1:00 ] 

Intellectual Roaming

[ / ] Return to Review of Reviews and Review Zoom-In | First & Last | 

[/] Explore Digital Mouse Brain Atlas 

9/6/18 - Thursday 

To Do: 

ITI Data Analysis :

[x] Draw data structure on mm paper -> Reach out for help understanding 

[ / ] What fields did Asma call?  What fields are necessary for a psychometric curve

Reading 

[x] Kandel - Chapter 5 | Synthesis and Trafficking of Neuronal Proteins 

[ / ] Reiser - Chapter 3 | A High-Bandwidth Dual-Channel Olfactory Stimulator for Studying Temporal Sensitivity of Olfactory Processing (Results complicated) 

[/ ] Krietzer 2016 - Cell-Type-Specific Controls of Brainstem Locomotor Circuits by Basal Ganglia

Talks:

[x] 12:00 p.m.  - Colloquium - Development of Drosophila Motor Circuit 

Tutorials: 

~ [x ] MatLab plotting psychometric curves 

Neuroanatomy 

[ x ] Outline brain for figure 24

———

MatLab

Laser stuff HZ noise, thresholds, 

// PCA -> Co-variance -> 

// Linear regression | Geometric intuition -> “What is known to the animal during inter-trial?  What features can be described by animals history”  ===> Construct a history space (axis represent different animals history ex. x-axis previous stimulus, reward, etc.?)  Predictive (?)  

Plot psychometric functions || PSTH (post stimulation of histogram )  of example neurons -> skills: bin spiking, plot rasters, smoothing (if necessary) 

Data:: Access to Dropbox -> /data/TAFC/Combined02/ [3 animals :: Elife] 

/data/TAFC/video

Tiago and Flipe know the video data

File Format -> Parser/Transformation (guideline) || 

> MatLab

Access to MatLab -> [/] 28 days!

How can I begin to analysis?

History dependent | Omitted 

——

To Do Week of September 3rd

Monday

Administrative

[ x] Check-in with HR (Don’t bombard!): Badge.   (Library access?) 

[  ] Reach out to SEF?

[x] 2:00 p.m. Meet with Asma - discuss data analysis.  Where is it?  How do I access it (Tiago?)  What has been done and why?

[x] 3:00 p.m. Lab Meeting “Maurico’s Data” - Pay special attention 

[x] Finish first read through of Theoretical Laboratory Animal Science PDF Lectures

[  ] Rat Surgery Techniques…

Mouse neuroanatomy project

[/ ] Figure 24

[  ] Figure 28

Math 

[x ] L.A. Lecture 2

[ x] L.A. Lecture 3 

Read:

[  ] Georg Raiser’s Thesis (Page 22 of 213)

Find time to do at least an hour of quiet focused reading a day.  (Place?).

Continue to explore whims, papers, databases, ideas, protocols, that seem interesting. 

Develop ‘literature scour’ protocol - (Nature Neuroscience, Neuron, Journal of Neuroscience) 

Dates to Remember: September 14th - Laboratory Animal Sciences Theoretical Test! 

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/08/180827180803.htm:Can these be used for techniques?  

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/08/180823141038.htm ‘Unexpected’ - Unexpected physical event and unexpected reward or lack of reward (neuronal modeling of external environment) 

—

In my first ten minutes at work I’m exposed to a weeks (month/year/decade) worth of interesting information.  Going from an intellectual tundra to an intellectual rain forest.  

1460 proteins with increased expression in the brain: Human Protein Atlas https://www.proteinatlas.org

Non-profit plasmid repository: https://www.addgene.org 

Protein database: https://www.rcsb.org/3d-view/3WLC/1

Started to think at the molecular level.   

“MGSHHHHHHGMASMTGGQQMGRDLYDDDDKDLATMVDSSRRKWNKTGHAVRAIGRLSSLENVYIKADKQKNGIKANFKIR

HNIEDGGVQLAYHYQQNTPIGDGPVLLPDNHYLSVQSKLSKDPNEKRDHMVLLEFVTAAGITLGMDELYKGGTGGSMVSK

GEELFTGVVPILVELDGDVNGHKFSVSGEGEGDATYGKLTLKFICTTGKLPVPWPTLVTTLTYGVQCFSRYPDHMKQHDF

FKSAMPEGYIQERTIFFKDDGNYKTRAEVKFEGDTLVNRIELKGIDFKEDGNILGHKLEYNLPDQLTEEQIAEFKEAFSL

FDKDGDGTITTKELGTVMRSLGQNPTEAELQDMINEVDADGDGTIDFPEFLTMMARKGSYRDTEEEIREAFGVFDKDGNG

YISAAELRHVMTNLGEKLTDEEVDEMIREADIDGDGQVNYEEFVQMMTAK” - CCaMP6m amino acid code. 

  8/31/18 - (Friday) @12:00 in Meeting Room 25.08

GET USB ! ! 

[Lisboa Cultura na ru, Lisbon on the streets Com’Out Lisbon - Katie Gurrerirra ]

MatLab -> Chronux Neural Analysis 

SEPTEMBER 14th!

Week of August 27th, 2018

“Conserved computational circuitry, perhaps taking different arguments on different locations of Basil Ganglia” - Tuesday 

Andrew Barto: http://www-all.cs.umass.edu/~barto/

Basil Ganglia Labs

Okihide Hikosaka Lab: https://irp.nih.gov/pi/okihide-hikosaka

Wilbrecht Lab

Uchida N.  (ubiquitous dopamine motivation and reward) 

Peter J. Magill

Schultz (Pioneer in the field)

C. Savio Chan 

Doya, K. (theory) 

Calabresi, P. (muscarinic) 

Ana Graybiel (McGovern) 

James C. Houk (1994 - Book on Models of Computation in the basal Ganglia)

Evolutionary Conservation of Basil Ganglia type action-selection mechanisms: 

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0960982211005288

Dopamine D1 - Retinal Signaling https://www.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/jn.00855.2017 [Note to self: Too Off Track]

[ ~ ] Flurorphore Library

Official Badge? [  ] Printer Access [  ]?

—

Online Course on Laboratory Animal Science 

Monday  : 11 [x] 12 [x] 

Tuesday : 13 [x] 14 [x] 

Wednesday: 15 [x] 16 [/] 

Thursday: 17 [x] 18 [x]

Friday: 19 [x] 20  [/] 

Lesson 11 - Behavior and Environment, animals must be housed in an environment enriched to maximize their welfare. 

Lesson 12 - Rodent and Lagomorph Accommodation and Housing - A more comprehensive guide from the macro environment, facilities i.e. establishments, to the micro environments.  Covers health and safety procedures for personnel as well as geometry of housing units (rounded edges to prevent water accumulation).  Absolutely essential.  

Lesson 13 - Collecting Samples and Administrating Procedures - covers the most common collection techniques and materials collected and stressed the importance of doing as little harm as possible to the animal.  

Lesson 14 - Transporting the Animal : Shipper holds most of the responsibility.  Major goals are making sure the journey is as stress free as possible, contingency plans are in place, and that all of the logistics have been carefully planned, communicated, and coordinated between various parties responsible in the shipping.  Also, animals should be prepared mentally and physically for the journey and should have a period of post-transportation to adjust to the new surroundings and environment.  A number of practical issues must be considered such as temperature, availability of food, and access to animals during the journey.  Boxes should be properly labelled in whatever languages are necessary. 

Lesson 15 - The purpose of feeding and nutrition is to meet the energy needs of the animals, which vary by species, physiological state of animal (growth, maintenance, gestation, and lactation).  A number of category of diets exist as well as a variety of specific diets to best fits the needs of the experiment.  This chapter covers particulars of nutrition requirements and stresses the importance of avoiding obesity and malnutrition.  

Lesson 16 - Anatomy and Physiology of Teleosts (Skip for now: Focus on Rodents and Lagomorphs)

Lesson 17 - Anatomy and Physiology of Rodents and Lagomorphs - General characteristics of the anatomy and physiology of six species, 5 rodents and 1 lagomorph.  Mice, rats, guinea pigs, gerbils, and hamsters.  Rabbits.  It covers particularities of each species and has a quiz asking specific facts, mostly centered on commonalities and distinguishing factors.  Worth a close read.  

Lesson 18 - Anaesthesia and Analgesia in Rodents and Lagomorphs . Pre anaesthesia techniques, drug combinations, and repeated warning of the importance of choosing the right drugs and technique for the species.  Use of a chamber.  Methods of anesthesia (IP, IV, Volatile).  Endotracheal Intubation for rabbits; the proper use and administration of analgesics; monitoring during the operation (for example - the paw pain reflex disappears in medium to deep anesthesia 

Lesson 19 - Animal Welfare and Signs of Disturbance - This chapter repeatedly stresses the importance of the relationship between the caretaker and the animal.  It repeats the ideal social, environmental, and nutritional environments for rodents and rabbits and highlights peculiarities of each species.   After reading this one should be better suited to detecting stress, disease, or other ailments in a laboratory animal.  

Lesson 20 - Fish Psychology and Welfare (Skip for now: Focus on Rodents and Lagomorphs) 

Lessons 5, 17, and 20 pertain to fish 

TEST SEPTEMBER 14th 

—

MIT Open Course Ware:

Linear Algebra 

Lecture 2 [/ ] -> Elimination by Matrices, production of elementary matrices, basic computations, and a review of row and column approaches to systems of equations.  Introduction to the basic application of the rule of association in linear algebra.  

Lecture 3 [ ]

Mouse Neuroanatomy 

Ink Figure 16 [x]

Figure 20 [x]

Figure 24 [  ]

Introduction to MatLab:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_ekAD7U-wU [  ] 

Math Big Picture: Review Single Variable Calculus!  Find reasonable Statistics and Probability Course (Statistical Thinking and Data Analysis?  Introduction to Probability and Statistics?) Mine as well review algebra well I’m at it eh.  

Breathe in.  Breathe out.  

—

Data analysis :: Behavioral Analysis 

—

Ana Margarida - Lecture 6 - Handling Mice techniques 

EuroCircuit can make a piece.  Commercial v. DYI version of products.  

Dario is the soldering, hardware expert.  I.E. skilled technician. 

www.dgv.min-agricultura.pt; it is recommended that the entry on Animal Protection and the section on Animals used for experimental purposes be consulted first. 

—

Sir Ronald Fisher, stated in 1938 in regards to this matter that “To consult the statistician after an experiment is finished is often merely to ask him to conduct a post mortem examination. He can perhaps say what the experiment died of”. 

——

Finally, it is time to publish and reveal the results. According to Santiago Ramón y Cajal, scientific writers should govern themselves by the following rules: 

Make sure you have something to say; Find a suitable title and sequence to present your ideas; Say it; Stop once it is said. 

8/21 Goals

Access ->

:: Champalimaud Private Internet [HR]  Printer [HR]

:: Web of Science (?)

:: PubMed (Nature, Journals, etc.?) 

:: 

———

PRIORITY:  Online Course -> Animal Laboratory Sciences PDF’s 

20 total -> 4 a day || I can finish by Friday 

Monday  : 1 [x] 2 [x] 

Tuesday : 3 [x] 4 [x ] 

Wednesday: 5 [x*] 6 [x] 

Thursday: 7 [x* ] 8 [x]es

Friday: 9 [x ] 10 [x ] 

Notes:

Lesson 1 - Philosophical and ethical background and the 3 R’s

Lesson 2 - Euthanasia.   Recommended, adequate, unacceptable.  Physical or chemical.  Chemical - inhalable or injectable.   Paton Lab uses CO2 and cervical dislocation.   

Lecture 3 - Experimental Design.  Return to as a starting point for basic design (randomized samples and blocks) Integrate with “Statistical Thinking and Data Analysis”

Lecture 4 - Legislation.  Memorize specific laws and acts.

Lecture 5 is highly specific for the care and maintenance of Zebrafish

Lecture 6 - Handling of rodents and mice.  A theoretical overview, this material is essentially kinesthetic.  

Lecture 7 - Provides a technically detailed account of how genetic manipulations are done and propagated.   Deserves a ‘printed’ review and vocabulary cross reference.

Lecture 8 - Health and Safety.  Predominantly common sense.   

Lecture 9 - Microbiology - contains an appendix with list of common infections that will be eventually be good to know.

Lesson 10 - Anaesthesia pre and post operation techniques, risks of infections etc. 

// http://ec.europa.eu/environment/chemicals/lab_animals/member_states_stats_reports_en.htm

http://ec.europa.eu/environment/chemicals/lab_animals/news_en.htm -> General European News regarding 

http://www.ahwla.org.uk/site/tutorials/RP/RP01-Title.html -> Recognizing pain in animals 

Week of 8/20/18 To Do:

Tiago/Team -> Whats the most important priority?

Get Arduino Machine working again [?]

Jupiter/Python Notebook Up [ ]

Bruno MatLab Access [… ]

 - Get documents to HR

 - Animal Lab certified?

 - Logistical/Certificate/Etc.  

  - Start discussing personal project: 

    >  (Rat colony) Wet Lab

    > (Machine Learning) Electric Lab

    > Statistics project

  - Reacquaint with Lab Technology/Protocols 

  - Review papers - Engage back with the science 

  - 

Project Print: Screen shots

[  ] collect 

“Do the job.  Do it engaged.   Engage -> Not just execute the best you can, understand the experiment.

Why? Alternative designs?  Control experiments needed to interpret the data?  Positive controls and negative controls?  What do you need to do to get crisp.  Totally engage.  

How it fits into other experiments?  

“Engage with the science as if it were your baby.”

Execute beautifully… Ask --- et. al.  What does ideal execution look like 

Extra time: allocate time.  Technicians : Freedom to do other things, work with other things, other technical things, giving people independent project to carry out.    Project --- has in mind?  Design.   Hands on education of how science works then reading.   Spend time focused on a problem and in the ideal become the world’s foremost expert on whatever ‘mundane’ aspect of what ever problem you are working on.

Computational in the context of a problem.  Learn to use.   Defining “problems I want to solve.”   As an operating scientist, the technology can change very quickly.   Capable of learning, understanding, and applying.  

Answer questions in a robust way.  Thinking of technology in context of problem.   Deep domain knowledge; focus on experimental more than book reading.   

Realistic path -> Research fellow to PhD. program.  Industry…  Strong head’s up to do research.   First-rate OHSU?  Excellent.    IF: Remember that it is narrow, broader with neuroscience as a component.   Biology < > Neurology.   Real neuroscience computational ->

Juxtasuposed: Engineering, CS, A.I., and all that…

Label in broad ways: Molecular, cellular, systems, cognitive, psychology.   Borders are so fuzzy — as to be 

Domain bias.   In general -> other than P.I. protected from funding.  Publication, the life of the business.   Metric of success is the science they publish.    Work that contributes to being an author = more engaged, more independent.   Evolved to an independent project.    

So incredibly broad -> CRISPR, GFP, Optogenetics, with higher level systems problems.   100 years = absurd.   Look back -> Could we have conceived whats going on today.  

Foremost expert on something how-ever limited.  Grow from there.   Grown from a particular expertise.    

Molecular biologist || Do what a 3 year old is taught to do.  How?  How?  How?  How does that work.  Quantum physics.   Ask questions.  Be open.   

Go to seminars  -> Go to every talk.  Take every note.  Primary literature fundamentally different.   Always learn in context.  Don’t dilute too much (ignore title, abstract, discussion).  Look at figures and tables and derive for yourself what they say.   Look for THE FIGURE or THE TABLE that is the crux and look for the control experiment.    Understand the critical assessment, are the facts valid and warranted?  Infinite amount to learn, don’t spread yourself infinitely thin.  “ 

 To Do: Develop Independent Machine Learning Project 

Gain Access to Web of Science 

————

Paton Learning Lab

Personal Learning Goals 

September 1st - December 1st 

Major Goals 

[  ] Read Principles of Neuroscience 5th Edition

[  ] Complete CSS 229 

[  ] Deep read 12 papers (Write summary || Practice peer review)

Administrative

[  ] Reactivate 

[ / ] Figure out Residence Permit/Visa

Lifestyle

[ x ] Purchase commuter bicycle

[ / ] Purchase waterproof computer/messenger bag

Language

[x] …. Focused practice minimum 20 minutes daily …? 

[  ]   Find language partner 

[  ] Portuguese film/television/music 

UPCOMING

Phone conversation with --------

Tuesday, August 7th 9:00 a.m. EST (10:00 a.m. 

[vernal-acrobat]

About Jay Ammon and the US Parliament search result listing.

I commonly run into the persona identity of a remote individual I used to know (as a rhetorical “someone,” not necessarily a specific person as a singular person. It’s many various people):

This person asks me, “why is Jay Ammon so trite common in my head, with fuckall bullshit happening to him, constantly, with stalkers and all? I do the same peasant-fed shit that he does, and I wipe my ass all by myself! Why don’t I get this sort of notoriety?”

All of this can be traced back to the first guy who molested me, many of you know him, as such. He’s a rife one. Popular, no doubt. At least among the

Okay, never mind. I’ll leave his specifics unspoken. That’s a bit aggressive, I’d say.

It goes back to 2008, if you do a simple google search for Jay Ammon US Parliament, which he supported and did some grass roots work within, as “who knows what for, and why,” as my current disposition.

No.

I had met a huge swath of people in what I would call “generally Los Angeles,” during the course of my tech career on craigslist.

The significant thing about that is, that the people I used to know, from high school, currently blame me for all sorts of stuff, while hateful things get broadcast at me, with me very little the dumb, unknowing, confounded one. I’m not left out of the picture when it comes to remote sensing technology, and I’m way beyond the paranoia scandal stuff.

It’s real. I do my best to inform people that their behavior around me is significantly du jour for forensic evaluation.

People are largely completely satisfied with it, while the commoner peasant “hoe” of a person

They really would like me to do the more depraved and grandiose thing.

Anyways, the members of parliament are supposed to represent the concerns of the population which they represent, and the person of the top lines quotable is commonly the most imaginably depraved subject in society who wants to sequester the pick of the ladies I’ve met, through my work career on craigslist.

It’s depraved. It’s commonly why I stifle in growth and achievement in life. My parents take methamphetamine all their lives, and never told me about it. Everyone’s taking a space that used to be allotted for me, and they do complicit aggression deals against my autonomy and rightful place in society, for the story of “some guy who did something great,” and got shit on, by everyone.

You’d think that a person deserves digital communications that can be perused at leisure, rather than having a life be sequestered for the sake of

“Good!” Good! That’s what I hear my mother’s voice saying.

She raised me well enough, obviously.

That’s the ugly of it.

The other side of things is that a country that actually uses, in fact and in deed, the parliamentary system, is home to a fascinating media outlet (currently, or in the past, and in intervals - strictly statistically speaking, that is) in the guardian.co.uk website.

The articles they publish, at times, strongly correlate with the goings-on of my life and happenings around me, in concurrent timing, of all things,

It’s a pretty redeeming, virtuous thing that boosts my self-esteem, and I appreciate the influx of high culture, for sure.

Regardless of that, it makes for garbage first-date conversation.

Regardless of my dating no how, no way, currently, I find that just about everyone I know is dry as a bone. Not the

Okay. That would have been depraved.

They always publish depraved persona news in the articles put out by the Guardian. Check them out, if you haven’t done so, lately. It’s (typically) fine journalism. What might come of the site, for me having stated this fact, may be up for debate, I’m inclined to believe. Based on statistics.

Jay Ammon is currently a homeless man who gets picked on and bullied by people who used to know him. As such, he’s commonly sick of the sociopaths and sexually depraved. If you’re reading this, you’re probably able to read at the level of a junior high schooler, admittedly. That’s all I’ll offer, for now.

[loosejournal]

Dwight Garner’s favorite quotations

For nearly four decades I’ve kept what is known as a commonplace book – a bound notebook, and later a long computer file, passed from desktops (1990s) to laptops (2000s) to my cell phone, into which I’ve poured verbal delicacies, “blasts of a trumpet”, as Emerson put it, and bits of scavenged wisdom from my life as a reader. Yea, for I am an underliner, a destroyer of books, and maybe you are, too. Commonplace books are not so uncommon. John Locke kept one, as did Virginia Woolf. W. H. Auden published his, as did the poet J. D. McClatchy. E. M. Forster’s was issued after his death. The novelist David Markson wrote terse and enveloping novels that resembled commonplace books in many regards; they were bird’s nests of facts threaded with the author’s own subtle interjections. For fans of the commonplace book genre, many prize examples have come from lesser-known figures like Geoffrey Madan and Samuel Rogers, both English, who produced books that are notably witty and illuminating. These have become cult items. Christopher Ricks noted about Rogers that, although he may not have been an especially kind man, “he was very good at hearing what was said”.

I use my own commonplace book as an aide-mémoire, a kind of external hard drive. Reading it is a way of warding off what Christopher Hitchens, quoting a friend, called CRAFT (Can’t Remember a Fucking Thing) syndrome. I use my gleanings in my own writing. Like Montaigne, I quote others “in order to better express myself”. Montaignecompared quoting well to arranging other people’s flowers. Sometimes, I sense, I quote too often, swinging on them in my writing as if from vine to vine. It’s one of the curses of spending a lifetime as a word-eater, and of retaining, so far, a semi-reliable memory.

I am no special fan of most books of quotations. Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, the Yale Book of Quotations and the New Penguin Dictionary of Modern Quotations, to name three dependable reference books, have their uses, for sure. They are sturdy repositories of literary and verbal history. (Countless other books of quotations aren’t reliable at all.) But even the best contain a good deal of dead weight. They lean, sometimes necessarily, on canned and overused thought and, more grievously, are skewed to the upbeat. So many of the lines they contain seem to vie to be stitched on throw pillows or ladled, like chicken soup, on the credulous soul. “Almost all poetry is a failure”, Charles Bukowski contended, “because it sounds like somebody saying, Look, I have written a poem.” The same is true of quotations and aphorisms; too many have a taxidermied air, as if they were self-consciously aimed at posterity.

This small slice of the material I’ve hoarded is a sliver of a much larger book project, one that will break with the conventions of commonplace books and volumes of quotations by organizing quotes by feel rather than by category. There are few life lessons except by accident. I must add that I do not agree with everything that is said: retweet does not, as they say on Twitter, necessarily equal endorsement.

-----

(small selection) 

“It’s only words, unless they’re true.” – David Mamet, Speed-the-Plow

“Why are you all reading? I don’t understand this reading business when there is so much fucking to be done.” – Sheila Heti, How Should a Person Be?

“Better a good venereal disease than a moribund peace and quiet.” – Henry Miller, Quiet Days in Clichy

“Everything that is true is inappropriate.” – Oscar Wilde

“Everyone nodded, nobody agreed..” – Ian McEwan, Amsterdam

“Let’s, as if sore, grab a few things from the flood.” – A. R. Ammons, Complete Poems

“Fragments, indeed. As if there were anything to break.” – Don Paterson, Best Thought, Worst Thought

“He licked his lips. ‘Well, if you want my opinion–’ ‘I don’t,’ she said. ‘I have my own.’ –Toni Morrison, Beloved

“Love poems must be bounced back off a moon.” – Robert Graves, Paris Review interview

“See the moon? It hates us.” – Donald Barthelme, Sixty Stories

“You know where the Beatles got that shit from. You know that’s our shit they fucking up like that.” – Albert Murray, South to a Very Old Place

“How come the Beatles never got busted for statutory rape – because they’re white?” – Eve Babitz, Eve’s Hollywood

“I hope you don’t mind, I’m from the South. We’re touchers.” – Charlie Rose, attributed

“Mick Jagger should fold up his penis and go home.” – Robert Christgau, Village Voice

“Somehow he knew, based on very little experience, that this faux-casualshit spelled money.” – Tom Wolfe, Bonfire of the Vanities

“Being rich is about acting, too, isn’t it? A style, a pose, an interpretation that you force upon the world.” – Martin Amis, Money

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.” – Dorothy Parker

“Oh, fuck, not another elf.” – Hugo Dyson, as J.R.R. Tolkien read aloud an early draft of The Lord of the Rings

“I am putting a mental jigsaw together of what a hobbit looks like, based on a composite of every customer I have ever sold a copy to.” – Shaun Bythell, Diary of a Bookseller

“You put your finger in it, and go swish, swish, swish.” – Jane Jacobs, on how to make a West Village martini

“Wasn’t the whole 20th century a victory lap of collage, quotation, appropriation, from Picasso to Dada to Pop?” – Jonathan Lethem, The Ecstasy of Influence

“I suddenly began to realize that everybody in America is a natural-born thief.” – Jack Kerouac, On the Road

“The not paying for things is intoxicating.” – Philip Roth, American Pastoral

“I don’t trust anybody who hasn’t shoplifted.” – John Waters

“Cleanliness might not be next to godliness but it is certainly adjacent to horniness.” – Geoff Dyer, on hotels, in Otherwise Known as the Human Condition

“The assumptions a hotel makes about you! All those towels.” – Stanley Elkin, The Dick Gibson Show

“The meat around my skull can’t stop smiling.” – Catherine Lacey, The Answers

“Let’s have some new clichés.” – Sam Goldwyn

“I need some new attitudes, some new affirmations and denials.” – Lionel Trilling, letter

“Good-bye, and I don’t mean au revoir.” – Christopher Ricks

“Of course it’s all right for librarians to smell of drink.” – Barbara Pym, Less Than Angels

“Edward worried about his drinking. Would there be enough gin? Enough ice?” – Donald Barthelme, Flying to America

“I have no enemies. But my friends don’t like me.” – Philip Larkin

“There was obviously nothing to recommend me to anyone.” – Deborah Levy, Hot Milk

“I have always disliked myself at any given moment; the total of such moments is my life.” – Cyril Connolly, Enemies of Promise

“Talk into my bullet hole. Tell me I’m fine.” – Denis Johnson, Jesus’ Son

“Every time he played a note he waved it goodbye. Some times he didn’t even wave.” – Geoff Dyer on Chet Baker, But Beautiful

“Let us reflect whether there be any living writer whose silence we would consider a literary disaster.” – Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave

“If we did get a writer worth reading, should we know him when we saw him, so choked as we are with trash?” – George Orwell, Keep the Aspidistra Flying

“Book publishing should be done by failed writers who recognize the real thing when they see it.” – Robert Giroux, Paris Review interview

“Books are, let’s face it, better than everything else.” – Nick Hornby, Ten Years in the Tub

“Revenge is the capitalism of the poor.” – Aravind Adiga, Selection Day

“It makes an immigrant laugh to hear the fears of the nationalist, scared of infection, penetration, miscegenation, when this is small fry, peanuts, compared to what the immigrant fears – dissolution, disappearance.” – Zadie Smith, White Teeth

“The face of ‘evil’ is always the face of total need.” – William S. Burroughs, preface to Naked Lunch

“In our deepest moments we say the most inadequate things.” – Edna O’Brien, The Love Object

“How desperate do you have to be to start doing push-ups to solve your problems?” – Karl Ove Knausgaard, My Struggle: Book Two

“The primary object of a student of literature is to be delighted.” – Lord David Cecil

TLS, 2018

[heart-holes]

ask game under cut bc im bored, just ignore me 

jasmine; what mythical creature do you wish actually existed? the geopolitical impact of dragons would be weird as shit dude 

lavender; soundcloud or vinyls? neither, i’m a CD person still

primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read? hm taran wanderer

lunar mist; do you like wearing other people’s shirts/jackets? yes!!! makes me feel very loved

bird of paradise; what was the best thing that happened to you this month? this month has only just started, so i really don’t know yet

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself? to be kind to myself before anyone else 

lion’s fairytale; would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests? would love to be a forest 

whirling butterflies; would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yep! probably going to later today lmao 

marmalade skies; do you plan your outfits? only occasionally

apricot drift; how do you feel right now? my head hurts

everlasting daisy; what’s the last dream you remember having? two of my friends having an oddly NSFW conversation...

queen’s cup; what are you craving right now? dick uhh i’d like a nice cup of tea actually 

lavender dream; turn ons/offs? turn offs: spit, scat, piss, bad smells  turn ons: like everythign else lmao

water lilly; when was the last time you cried? why? a few minutes ago; stressed about my ex 

lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? no

winterberry; do you bite or lick your ice cream? bite

honey perfume; favorite movie ever? hm i really like paper moon, i really like young frankenstein, but my fave is probably hackers lmaooo

desert rose; do you like yourself? on and off, yeah

snapdragon; have you ever met or seen in person a celebrity? yes, but mostly minor celebrities-- musicians, jazz people, etc. 

night owl; how many countries have you visited? seven if we don’t count the places where i only saw the airport, like nine if we count those too 

heliotrope; have you ever been in a castle? nope

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done? nothing comes...immediately to mind? i do a lot of crazy shit 

lantana; what’s on your mind right now? the song im listening to

pumpkin patch; what’s your zodiac sign? virgo sun, aries moon, leo rising

tulip; name 5 facts about yourself. 1. i have a joint disease 2. i canoe better than i walk 3. my glasses have been at a restaurant in town for like two weeks and i keep not going to get them  4. i have 2 wolves inside me: one is horny, and one is depressed 5. i love board games 

daphne; do you believe in karma? a little bit but i try not to 

queen of the meadow; ever been in love? yeah, several times 

wisteria; whom do you admire and why? my  friends for their unending generosity and intelligence and kindness

angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child? i’d usually ask my mom to make things up for me 

remember me; did you make someone laugh today? yes!

iris; do you believe in ghosts? a little, yeah

lilac; if you could go back in time which time period would you visit? hm ....the eighties? maybe? if i were there as an observer and not to live in it  else i’m not really sure 

caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not? no! lonely

primula; what makes you sad? feeling abandoned or ignored or talked over 

rain lily; was today typical? why/why not? i’m still in the middle of today, i don’t know

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most? liz, with my life 

lady’s slipper; what did you have for breakfast today? peach creme french toast :3 

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life? yeah but i havent got all that much life to look back on, not sure i’ll regret those things forever 

lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe? not sure! i like the world of neuromancer a whole lot, also the fallout universe, planescape...idk 

violet; favorite tv show? still justified but i probably cant’ finish it until i get over my ex

sunflower; share a favorite quote. “The earth, that is sufficient, I do not want the constellations any nearer, I know they are very well where they are, I know they suffice for those who belong to them.”

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like? i spend it somewhere outside with my friends and plenty of activities and good conversation and coffee, and then at night i go have cute low stress sex or whatever and watch the stars with someone cute

tiger lily; do you have any hobbies? plenty but im too sad to do most of them  i like to draw, that’s my main one and i sing

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you. “Llonio said life was a net for luck; to Hevydd the Smith life was a forge; and to Dwyvach the Weaver-Woman a loom. They spoke truly, for it is all of these. But you,' Taran said, his eyes meeting the potter's, 'you have shown me life is one thing more. It is clay to be shaped, as raw clay on a potter's wheel.” god i...love taran wanderer

tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared? sky dive

honeysuckle; do you usually date people your age or older/younger? usually right around my age

sweet pea; who means the world to you? why? my friends! they are still here after everything

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read? taran wanderer i know this much is true god bless you, mr. rosewater pedagogy of the oppressed black skin, white masks collected poems of AR Ammons  please kill me: an oral history of punk our band could be your life weetzie bat  foxglove; who is your favorite cartoon character? snufkin!

magnolia; coffee or tea? coffee!!!

crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved? extremely loved! 

snowflake; are you a dog or a cat person? cats but dogs are good too 

bell flower; what is your biggest addiction? coffee at this point 

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy? uh, yeah? this is a weird question

moonflower; what’s your favorite color? probably green or yellow

freesia; do you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings? why/why not? yeah im pretty close with both of my parents

sundrop; are you a morning or a night person? night person generally  kind of a noon person i guess 

poppy; have you ever dealt with a mental illness? hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

yep

clover; how would your friends describe you? unstable, clever, funny, kind i should hope 

dandelion; do you consider yourself and extrovert or an introvert? extrovert

lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do? i dont have a whole lot of guilty media pleasures im not usually that guilty about watching or reading things 

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words. always moving forward

lotus; best memory as a child? going to a dog parade and then buying pumpkins and apples with my dad...

angelonia; what is your eye and hair color? brown and brown

dahlia; do you like crystals? sure, i’m alright with them, just not into their Magic most of the time

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be? this is too hard of a question, pass 

baby’s breath; what’s your hogwarts house? slytherin

calendula; biggest pet peeve? being interrupted

blanker flower; would you rather go to a cocktail party with your best friends or stay home and read a book/watch a movie with your pet? oh good question probably the party 

blazing star; share a secret. no

carnation; would you rather live longer or happier? happier 

petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why? idk

bluebell; do you wear glasses? yes but i keep leaving them places

nymphea; forest or river? river!

orchid; do you like exercise? like i guess

pansy; do you like poetry? yes!!!

morning glory; any special talent that you have? i can mouth trumpet 

[shisekibo]

[Story Translation] Chapter Four - The Butler of Roses

↫ previous story | story list | next story ↬

Devil’s Palace - Garden

We made our way across the grass.

Muu:

 “I’m sure the scream came from over here.”

???:

 “Ugh! This sucks! I’m absolutely soaked!”

???:

 “Shit! Fuck this old-ass tap!”

Muu: 

 “According to Mr. Lono’s notes, that’s Ammon Lead! He’s a butler from the second floor and he’s in charge of the garden!”

Muu:

 “It looks like he’s having issues with the water supply here.”

Choices:

“Should we talk to him...?”

“Shall we just watch him...?”

Muu:

 “You’re right! Let’s just... Huh? Someone else is here.”

I heard more footsteps on the greenery.

Boschi:

 “Oi, Ammon. Can you tie my hair up for me?”

Ammon:

 “Oh, Mr. Boschi! It’s you.”

Boschi:

 “The hell? You’re dripping with water...”

Muu:

 “That’s Boschi Arenas. He lives on the second floor too. His job is to look after the indoor facilities.”

Boschi:

 “Huh? What’s going on here?”

Ammon:

 “Ahh~, sorry. I was trying to water the roses here...”

Ammon:

 “I was a bit too rough with the hose and broke the tap...”

Ammon:

 “It’s such an old tap. They really gotta get someone to look at it.”

Boschi:

 “You’re the one who uses it. Why don’t you just fix it?”

Ammon:

 “Ehhh! I can’t do that. I’m no good at shit like this.”

Ammon:

 “Mr. Boschi, you look after amenities and shit, right? Can’t you fix it for us?”

Boschi:

 “Why do I have to do it? It sounds annoying.”

Boschi:

 “More importantly, Ammon. My hair’s all messed up. It feels gross.”

Boschi:

 “Can you tie it for me again? I can’t do anything with this arm.”

Ammon:

 “Again? Why don’t you just cut your damn hair at this point?”

Boschi:

 “I like it like this. I can’t just cut it for a reason like that.”

Ammon:

 “What a weird thing to be so hung-up over. Have you ever thought about it from my point of view? I’m the one looking after it.”

Ammon:

 “Fine. Just crouch down a little.”

Boschi:

 “Sure. Thanks.”

rustle rustle

Ammon:

 "Can you, like, stop moving so much, Mr. Boschi?! I can’t tie shit like this!”

Boschi:

 “It’s not my fault. It really itches! Can’t you be more agile about it. Ammon?!”

Ammon:

 “Of course I can’t! And look, your right arm’s all squiffy.”

Boschi:

 “Tsk. This isn’t my right arm.”

Ammon:

 “God. You always say that. Do you know how much that prosthetic cost?”

Ammon:

 “Come on. I’ll fix it for you. Lift up your arm.”

Boschi:

 “Tsk...”

crack

Boschi:

 “Ouch!”

Ammon:

 “Right! All better.”

Muu:

 “Wow! He can take his hand on and off! That’s so cool!”

Boschi:

 “What’s up with this talking pig?”

Muu:

 “I’m not a pig!”

Ammon:

 “Mr. Boschi... Mr. Berrien already told us about the talking cat.”

Ammon:

 “His name was, like...”

Muu:

 “It’s Muu!”

Boschi:

 “It’s even got a name. Who are you? The person standing next to him.”

Ammon:

 “Mr. Boschi! That’s our Master! God... I swear Mr. Berrien told us about them too...”

Boschi:

 “Oh, okay. You’re our new Master, huh?”

Choices:

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“I look forward to working with you.”

Boschi:

 “I’m Boschi Arenas. Nice to meet you.”

Ammon:

 “I’m Ammon. I look after the garden.”

Ammon:

 “Do you have a favourite flower, Master? I’ll fill the garden with it.”

Ammon:

 “A-a-ACHOO!”

Boschi:

 “Ugh! Ammon, you’re nasty!”

Ammon:

 “I-I’m sorry. It’s really cold...”

Boschi:

 “Ammon... You’re going to catch a cold if you stay like that.”

Ammon:

 “You’re right... I should at least change my shirt.”

rustle rustle

Muu:

 “That’s quite the tattoo.”

Ammon turned around and took off his soaking wet shirt. On his back was a large tattoo of a briar rose.

[realpigeonsoflosangeles]

Initial notes

Go to hop woo's in Chinatown to order a 2 item combo. Leave to sit outside the bench. Can I have some soy sauce? 3. You want sausage? Soy sauce. Oh, Hutch and staunch Are they Jews from New York? Perhaps. No, but perhaps they run into some. Idea? New York psychic. We can't fly away together, but we can stay together. Bird leaves something laying out while he rests. Guy comes up and wakes him. "Hey, if you don't want that to get stolen, you shouldn't leave it out like that. If you want, I can steal it from you. Homebirds Male bird (black guy) swoops in on a little lady. Whoooo! Youuuu!! LA tattoo and bandana on pigeon. I don't like whole foods, because I come from Baltimore, and out there, we got those hood markets, where the meat's all brown, you know? You hear that lady? Oh, you playing nikki Minaj? I'm from New York! You guys killed biggie! She didn't know what she's talking about. I'm trying to lose weight. You need to run. That's what we did, when I was doing basketball 🏀. They had us run and do cardio. ----- That guy right there in that suit is important. Who's he? He be running a lot of the buildings around here, like the rosslyn. ----- I think you need to negotiate a salary, you gotta negotiate for a little more. Well he runs a business! It depends on all of the work you're doing. He has a contract. He has a contract? ----- Because as far as entertainment, and all that, Guy rides by with speakers on bike. What was that all about? Well he was riding around, all high, thinking he's all the shit and all that. ------ Is that a boxer? That dog looks like he'll pounce on somebody. My dogs have to be beefy, they have to be meaty. Because when I saw that dog from afar, I was like, "damn! That dog is charging!" Y'all was going down to heath's, I was coming up to Heath. I was like who dog is that? That's my dog! Because she's like no ribs or nothing. She was a boxer, and we used to fight with her. I like him. He looks like he named spike. I was like no, Copper. I taught her everything she knows. Well they all got close when I went to jail. We taught her how to scratch at the door, when she needs to use the restroom, then she'll be like roof roof! Then she go back to the door and scratch. ----- Why's he texting me back to back? Well I guess it's because my phone's was in airplane mode. How are we gonna get a hold of you? I'll just use Derek's phone. ----- Are we gonna go to the DnO? I can't go in there! Why not? You get thrown out of there? No, I don't have my ID. I have a photo of my ID. ---- Alright, Bro, nice meeting you. Thanks for letting us sit by you. See you later. Bye. ----- Jay, if you have to take a staunch shit, you have to go to Target. If you have to take a staunch shit, you have to go to Target. Jay, we want dumps! Post it. --- Jay, we put those people next to you so you could get some dialogue off of them. Don't take a fucking staunch shit outside. Go to Target. Are you gonna move into the sober living home? Probably. Probably not. We want street dialogue, not drug addict dialogue. Your fucking shoes are grande as fuck. Fiesta olé. Jay gave away his new Nikes. Jay, that's an unchristian thing to mention your charity. He didn't do it, though, he's just taking down dictation. Now he's going to deposit $70 into the bank. He has a job in a few minutes at Starbucks. He's been doing well with the software business recently; we determined that he's sober enough. We don't believe that Jay should be hanging around places where there are plenty of drug addicts. We want a street-ass mother fucker. You will fail! - if you do not go to sober living. You will be a staunch ass bum, on the streets. But no, he discovered the showers at LAMP community. He has the capability to clean himself, on the streets. It's all about his carbon footprint. How much does he feed off of society? He gets General Relief and Food Stamps. The rest is charity. Consider it charitable donations, for his blog efforts. I want Jay to be an inspiration for writers. He gets no recognition, but he thinks it's a conspiracy. That's what we're framing it as, so we don't tie these things in with our actual selves. ----- He dropped his price to $40 for Adobe. He's getting more calls. We want you to patronize Syrup, because you sit outside there sometimes. When buns occupy businesses, they take out amenities. This is signified in the depravity around the Rosslyn market debacle. Drug dealers and bums hanging out, outside there, all night. We don't want this to be a drug dealer and bum inner city story. It's not a dalliant fuckboylific blog. It's a children's story, obviously. Jay gave away his brand new nikes. Month-old nikes. He's the most charitable bum in Los Angeles. ---- Jay, did you take a staunch shit yet? No, somebody else did, already. But Jay did a line, and he's going to sleep in a few hours because he has antipsychotics, which he's going to take when he gets to Starbucks in a moment. ---- Jay's taking female hormones right now. He found a week's supply in the garbage when he was digging for cans and bottles. He's not sure if it's the placebo week, or not. There's only one week's supply. He feels staunch, but he got violently mad at Andrew Neri yesterday because he wanted Jay to apologize for being proud, before, on Facebook. We made Jay realize that we sent all of our people to him on craigslist because we support him! We are his friends! He would never believe it! But he only gets the bare minimum for survival. We don't want him rife as fuck, like he was before, on speed. He needs to live outside; that's what we're telling him. ---- Do you want me to install illustrator and I design, and all that? You want everything? Yeah. ---- Jay's a dalliant fuckboy du jour on tumblr. He's not reaching out to Lindsay Lohan, though, because he's no longer valid in Hollywood. Jay's a staunch ass bum. Jay, how does it feel to type in "Ass" in iOS and it defaults to capitals? Like, who did that? How did that start? We are feeding Jay dialogue from people who sound like they're attractive females right now. We might or might not know who this dalliant fuckboy is. Heheheeeee! Of course we know who this dalliant fuckboy is. We're the FBI! Ha, ha. Jay's a dalliant fuckboy, but he's a rat, and you know what? We are honest people over here, at the FBI. Staunch as he is, we all take crystal meth over here. That's the story we're feeding him. We can't relate to his fuckboylificness. At all. That's what we'd like him, and other men, to believe about us! We don't want it to be about drugs. You handle you, I'll handle me! If I get out of control, then it's my fault. If you do, then you're a typical guy! Jay's pretty staunch. Intelligent. He's a little bit sore AF right now, in his back, because he's hauling shit around in his staunch luggage. Why doesn't he just go in to sober living? Because he wants to be staunch. He wants a good diet, not a sugar and carbs diet, full of acid. He wants to be lean, as much as possible. Jay, what about your running aspirations? Jay did want to become a runner. He'll need to be a nighttime runner. That's an issue. Jay forgot about that line of reasoning. He'll have to move into the beacon of hope, in that case. Fuckboy dalliant-Ass MF. Jay, you need to fix "ass" in autocorrect. Try it, Ass. No, it's an unfixable error slash bug. This, in particular, is intelligent, attractive woman-speak. We. Are. Fuckable. Women! We sound like it, (we're fuckable). Jay's not fuckable, because he's a staunch-Ass bum. He knows it, but he keeps trying to assert his masculinity... ... In reproductive capacity. That's natural. That's propensible. Alex, on iOS? Jay, check the other voices downloads thing. I want some British AF style up in here. Jay's, uncircumcised, A, F, Right now. Because he's on speed. We know it, and he's working right now, on the computer. This, Is, Just, A... Transcription of his evening. ... Justin, Timberlake, Is playing in the background. ... Mirrors. ... A movie for our generation? That all depends on how un-fuckboy-liffic -ability-ness Jay Ammon can be. ---- It got disconnected. ----- The Hard Drive Got Disconnected. ... We're talking in a very relaxed dictation pace. We've discovered that, over 5 hours, Jay is capable of typing 15 words per minute, on average. We feel that Jay has some inherent skill in typing on iOS, in that he had been an astute finger-drumming finger tapper, since his college days. It's a peculiar habit, but he associates certain finger taps, from his various fingers, with different sounds, as if he's triggering a drum machine. This is a technique he practices all the time. It looks like he's tweaking out. AF. It's the trade-off he has to have for practicing slash visualizing the music in his head. Sometimes it's rhythmic, such as drumming, sometimes he uses his fingers to visualize the piano key interval distances that would be the requisite distance for the appropriate sound to be produced when he sings a note, for example. Jay has the haunting disability, sometimes, of being incapable of physically attaining teaching the pitch he's trying to sing. Sometimes, there are disparities in the consistency of his voice. We tell him that it's not so much because he's staunch; it's because his old school days peer, David Yang, wishes that he could be a staunch-Ass singer like Jay Ammon. He's been having gifts of Jay Ammon's musicality imbued unto him, on account of Jay Ammon's mother's "charitabilityness." (That's how we'll put it. Quote unquote. Parenthetical). ... Ellie Goulding is playing now, in Syrup. Who would have known? The guy who is hiring Jay tonight is here, and he showed up without any power, in Starbucks. They took all of the power outlets out in Starbucks, conceivably because of the staunch bum presence. "We're gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn." "Cause we got that fire? Fire? Fire, yah? Yeah we got that fire." Good song. Jay gets new playlist items on his Apple Music account from going out to coffee shops that are "hip!" In downtown Los Angeles. ... This is just a dump. It's not grammatically, or structurally astute quote "proper," per se. It's meant to be heard as dictation; in this case, at a moderate; relaxed, American female voice. ... Magic bullet. That's what Omar Guerra is getting right now, along with the Adobe suite. He doesn't look like he's doing anything significant in digital film editing. Any time soon, at least. Remember to thank them, when the job is done, Jay. You took for years and never said as much as "hello!" To any of them. Team AMPED. Twixtor. It's just proper form to be thankful. We're in Jay's head all the time, and we've detailed the horrible consequences Jay has reaped for himself as "propensible" LA's most prolific fuckboy-liffic via software installations "Grey market," quote unquote. This is his latest charade. A biopic of real pigeons of Los Angeles. Go tag everyone you stole from on twitter now, Jay! You're done with your job. Don't ever mix up "your" with "you're" again. You should know better.

[cwnerd12]

Forgiving

“Forgiving” Everyone meets in a meeting room (the council chamber is under construction), Asher in charge of everything. Asher, “Okay, David’s off in love-land, so it’s up to us to run the government for us for two weeks without turning Gilboa into a smoking crater.” Reinhardt, “So are you king?” Asher, “Uh, not really, but David did put me in charge.” Reinhardt, “If we need David, we can still reach him, right?” Asher, “He said to only call him if it’s an emergency, and by emergency, he means someone’s nuked Shiloh.” Abby, “It’s kind of really important that he and Jack get to relax and have some time together.” Shay, “He’s fuckin’ earned a break okay?” Asher, “I’m still supposed to call him and brief him every couple of days, so that would be the time to talk to him.” Reinhardt, “So what are we doing until David gets back?” Asher, “Ideally, nothing. Everything that’s supposed to happen will happen, and nothing new will come in and fuck everything up.” Rose speaks up, “Has there been any word from Warner or Gerald? They both thrive on being inconvenient.” Abby, “If they try anything, we’ll deal with them without bothering David.” Monique, “I do have one thing.” Asher, “What?” Monique, “The palace renovations are almost done, I think it would be a good idea to have some kind of public tour of the palace, preferably on TV. Rose, that would be your job. Didn’t you do something similar when Silas had the palace built?” Rose, “I don’t believe I’m the right one to give a tour of the new palace.” Monique, “Of course you aren’t. It’d be me and David. You need to set it up so we can do it as soon as David gets back.” Rose, “Very well.” Asher, “So, until something happens, that’s it.”

Asher sits in his office, reading some papers. There’s a knock at the door. Asher looks up, “Come in.” Betty, the girl who escaped from Nob with him, enters. Asher’s face lights up, “Betty.” Betty, “Hi, Rabbi.” Asher, “Please, just call me Asher. What are you doing here?” Betty, “Uh, I’m supposed to brief David every couple of weeks. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do this week, so I guessed I’d just come in and brief you.” Asher, “I’ll send your reports in the briefs I send him.” Betty, “Oh, god, don’t send him extra work on his honeymoon because of me. Besides, there’s not a whole lot to report.” Asher, “What are you briefing him on?” Betty, “Minority religious rights in Ammon. Basically, it’s my job to tell David if Warner’s arresting Jews and Muslims again.” Asher, “Ooh, that’s hot-” he catches himself, “I, uh, I mean, that’s quite interesting.” Betty laughs, “Yeah, I really enjoy it.” Asher, “Doesn’t Warner also arrest Catholics?” Betty, “Every once and a while a priest or a nun will say something in favor of human rights and it doesn’t go well, but Abedon was the one who went after Catholics. Which is really weird considering that his wife was Catholic.” Asher, “Well, we saw what became of her.” His phone buzzes, and he takes a look at it, “Oh, shit.”

Asher, followed by Betty, goes back into the meeting room, where Abby watches a TV, Rose beside her. On the TV, Warner makes an announcement, “For fifteen years, King Silas Benjamin lied to the world. He said that Vesper Abedon was killed in the conquest of Carmel, but that is not true. Abedon is alive and well, and he has been held in the palace of Gilboa.” Asher, “Why is he doing this now?” Abby, “Because he’s an asshole.” Rose, “Speculation has been running rampant about what it was that David was offering Warner at Council, he had to make an announcement some time.” Abby, “Also, he’s an asshole.” Rose, “I knew he’d try to do it while David is gone, so I had a statement drawn up last week. You don’t need to do anything, unless he wants to start negotiations.” Asher, “You’d better get to making that statement.” Abby, “Who’s gonna be the one to tell him?” Asher, “I can’t do it, I’m Jewish.” Abby, “I’m gay!” Rose, “I have a statement to make.” She gets up and leaves. Abby, “You’re the one who’s in charge, Asher.” Asher, “But you’ve already talked to him!” Abby, “And I don’t want to fucking do it again.” Betty speaks up, “I’ll go with you, Asher.”

Asher and Betty stand in an elevator while Asher frets. Betty, “Didn’t he have kids?” Asher, “What?” Betty, “I’m pretty sure Abedon had kids. What ever happened to them?” Asher, “Oh, god, I don’t know. I’ve heard a lot of conspiracy theories. Can you fucking imagine just trying to live your life knowing that you’re an Abedon?” The elevator opens and they get out. They go down into the dungeons, and then stop outside Vesper’s cell. Asher, “You ready?” Betty, “Go for it.” Asher opens the door. Vesper looks up, “Yes?” Asher and Betty both stare awkwardly at him. Asher, “Uh, Warner just announced that uh… you’re alive.” Vesper, “Ah, yes, I was expecting that. Thank you for letting me know.” He continues his work. Asher and Betty exchange curious looks. Asher looks at Vesper’s papers, and sees Hebrew written across them. He steps forward, and picks up a paper, “You mis-translated this.” Vesper glances up at him, “Oh? Do you know ancient Hebrew?” Asher, “I’m a Rabbi. I fuckin’ dream in ancient Hebrew.” He looks at Vesper and says something filthy in Hebrew. Vesper chortles heartily, “I usually don’t come across that kind of language in my work.” Asher, “I’ll leave you to it, then.” He goes back to the door. Betty follows him, and they leave.

Back in the elevator, Betty says, “Well, that was creepy.” Asher, “Yeah, no shit.” Betty, “It’s so weird that he’s like… normal.” Asher, “What did you expect?” Betty, “I dunno, something more disturbing.” The door dings open, and they get off. Asher, “I’ve got to get back to work.” Betty, “Yeah, me, too.” Asher starts to leave, but Betty says, “Listen um, there’s this restaurant that just opened, their thing is super high-end kosher food. Would you want to have dinner there some night?” Asher stares at her. Betty, “Y’know, in case you want to have waygu that’s been blessed by a rabbi.” Asher, “That sounds great! I’d love to!” Betty smiles, “Okay.”

Out in the lobby, as Asher leaves for the evening, a man has a heated argument with a security guard, “Why are you protecting him?! That sick fuck killed my family!” Security guard, “We can’t just let people into the palace.” Asher approaches, “Can I help with something here?” Man, “I want to see Vesper Abedon!” Asher, “I’m afraid you can’t do that.” Man, “I spent fifteen years believing that motherfucker has gotten what he deserved, and today I found out he’s been alive, being fed, with a roof over his head! I’m here to do what King Silas never could!” Asher, “Well, unfortunately, we need Abedon alive to be able to do something else Silas never could, and make peace with Ammon.” Man, “So Warner can just hang him and he dies quickly? No fucking way. Not without pain!” Security guard, “I’m sorry, sir, if you don’t leave, you’re going to be removed.” Asher steps away, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you.” Man, “Bullshit! I have fucking earned this!” Asher turns around and leaves as security guards wrestle the man to the ground.

That evening, in his apartment, Asher calls David. David, “Hey, what’s up?” The sound of laughing and playing in the background. Asher, “Uh, just wanted to let you know, today-” David interrupts him, “Can you hold on a sec?” a pause, and David yells away from the phone, “KNOCK IT OFF, will you?! I’m trying to get briefed!” The sound of Jack laughing. Asher sighs impatiently. David, “Okay what is it?” Asher, “Warner announced that Abedon’s still alive.” David, “Okay, is there anything that I need to do?” Asher, “Nah, we’ve got it handled, you go back to whatever it is you’re doing.” David, “Thanks, man!” Asher, “Okay, bye.” He ends the conversation. There’s a knock at his door, and he answers it. Betty stands there in a cute little dress, “Hi.” Asher, astonished, “Wow, you look… wow!” Betty, “Better than some old clothes that haven’t been washed in months, huh?” Cut to: Asher and Betty have dinner in a nice restaurant. Betty, “Yeah, my parents weren’t really thrilled about me joining the AFG. It wasn’t even the AFG at that point, just some vague resistance movement. Once David took over, they seemed to be impressed with it, though.” Asher, “You have no idea how many times I’ve had to kick his ass into doing the right thing.” Betty laughs, but then grows more serious, “It’s been hard, getting used to y’know, having a normal. I’ve been going to temple and observing shabbat, but I still can’t get rid of the feeling in my gut that I shouldn’t get comfortable, that I’m going to have to get up and leave again soon.” Asher, “I know that feeling.” Betty, “Have you been back to Nob?” Asher, “What?” Betty, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ask.” Asher, “No, no, that’s okay. And, no, I haven’t been.” Betty, “I don’t understand how you can just work with Reinhardt every day.” Asher, “The raid at Nob was done by the army, not the MSS.” Betty, “The MSS had to tell the army where we were.” Asher, “Honestly, I just try not to think about it. He had a job, and he did it.” Betty, “The Nuremberg defense.” Asher, “David trusts him, for whatever reason, and I trust David. I try not to think about it.” Betty, “I went to visit my parents last week, and as I came home, out of nowhere, I got hit with this immense feeling go guilt. Like, why do I get to visit my parents when so many people out there don’t?” Asher, “There is no answer to that.” Betty, “Yeah, I know. Anyway, I’ve kind of been fixated on the subject of parents since then. I keep thinking about Abedon’s kids. How are they reacting to all this? Do they even know that he’s their father? And if they don’t, are they better off not knowing?” Asher, “Those are all excellent questions.” Betty, “What if they want to see see him again?” Asher, “He murdered their mother.” Betty, “Love and loyalty are weird things. They defy all logic. It just doesn’t seem fair to me to just hand him off to Ammon without giving them at least the chance to make some sort of peace.”

Asher goes into Vesper’s cell and sits down. Vesper, “Can I help you, Rabbi?” Asher, “You killed your wife.” Vesper, “Yes.” Asher, “Why?” Vesper, “That’s a question best left to scholars-” Asher interrupts, “That’s bullshit, you had a motive, what is it?” Vesper stares at him, and then says, “I was doing God’s work. Gilboan forces were at the doors of our compound. Esperanza wanted to surrender, but I would surrender only to God. The children’s souls were pure and innocent. I knew God would let them into His kingdom. Esperanza stood in front of the door.” Asher, “Jesus fucking christ, you are sick!” Vesper, “You asked.” Asher, “What happened to them?” Vesper, “I don’t know. For fifteen years, Silas never told me.” Asher, “How old were they?” Vesper, “My oldest, Mercy, was eleven. The youngest, Gabriel, was just a baby.” Asher, “What would you say to them, if you saw them again?” Vesper, “That I was wrong, and I don’t deserve their forgiveness.”

Asher approaches Thomasina’s desk, “What happened to Vesper Abedon’s children?” Thomasina, “Why do you want to know?” Asher, “Because I just fucking do.” Thomasina, “I’m not at liberty to tell you.” Asher, “I will call David right now and tell him to order you to tell me. I know you don’t want to interrupt his honeymoon.” Thomasina gives him a dirty look, and then says, “They were given new identities and adopted into Gilboan families.” Asher, “Where are they now?” Thomasina, “I don’t know.” Asher, “That’s bullshit, Silas kept every string he could pull.” Thomasina, “Why do you want to know, anyway? It’s no business of yours.” Asher, “Because I just do! If I had one last chance to speak to my parents…” he drifts of. He exchanges looks with Thomasina, “Just tell me where they are, okay?”

Asher takes Betty into a coffee shop. Betty, “Okay, seriously, why are we going all the way across town just to get coffee?” Asher, “They have something here that I think you’ll be interested in.” They step inside. Asher pulls a photograph out of his jacket pocket: The Abedons, Vesper, Esperanza, and five children, smiling and happy. Asher looks from the photograph to the barista, a beautiful young woman with dark hair. They go up to her. Barista, “What can I get for you today?” Asher looks her over nervously, and then quietly says, “Are you Mercy Abedon?” Cut to: Mercy sits with Asher and Betty at a quiet table. She eyes them with harsh suspicion, “King Silas used to visit my every once and a while. He told me to keep quiet and refused to tell me anything about my brothers and sisters. Is this more of the same?” Asher, “No.” Mercy, “What the fuck do you want, then?” Asher, “I know where your siblings are.” He hands her the photograph. A sob escapes from Mercy’s mouth, and she covers her mouth with her hand, as if to push it back in. Asher, “Your father is in custody at the palace. I want to give you and your siblings the chance to see him one last time.” Mercy, “I held my baby brother in my arms and tried to stop his crying while I listened to my father murder my mother.”  Asher, “Would you like to see your brother again?” Marcy, quietly, “Does he even know who I am?” Asher, “He was given a new identity, just like you. He’s lived his whole life with that identity. I don’t know if he knows the truth.” Mercy, “He’s lucky, then. I’ve had so many times when I wished I could just zap the memories of my parents straight out of my head. It’s a godawful burden, a name like Abedon.” Asher, “Then we’ll leave your siblings alone.” Mercy, “I didn’t say I don’t want to see them.”

Asher sits in his office. Abby enters, “What the fuck are you doing, looking for Abedon’s children?” Asher, “Did Thomasnina snitch on me?” Abby goes over and puts her hands on his desk, “You don’t know what kind of shit you’re stirring up.” Asher, “I’m not forcing anyone to do anything.” Abby, “What exactly are you doing?” Asher, “I want to give his children the chance to forgive him.” Abby, “Forgive him?!” Asher, “He’s repentant! He knows he was wrong!” Abby, “I’m sorry isn’t going to un-murder their mother!” Asher, “They deserve to know, and to see each other again.” Abby, “Is this some kind of weird bullshit about your parents?” Asher, “And what if it is?” Abby, dismayed, “Oh my god, Asher!” Asher, “What? I’ve already talked to Mercy.” Abby, “What?!” Asher, “She wants to see her siblings. She at least deserves that.” Abby, “Okay, but I’m gonna be there to try to salvage shit when it all goes south.” Asher, “You should probably have Michelle there, too.” Abby, “Why?” Asher, “Someone has to apologize on behalf of Silas.”

Gabriel Abedon, (Jake Hearn), 15, walks into the lobby of the palace with his parents, Vince and Jackie. They look around in amazement at the work that’s being done, and approach the front desk. Jackie, “We’re here for the adoptee event today.” The receptionist, “Certainly, just a second. What’s your name?” Jackie, “We’re the Hearns.” The receptionist picks up a phone and presses a number, “The Hearns are here.” Vince whispers to Gabriel, “Pretty cool, huh?” Gabriel, “Yeah.” The receptionist speaks up, “Right this way.” Cut to: The Hearns are led into a room where Asher waits for them. Asher steps up, “Hi, You must be Jake Hearn. I’m Rabbi Asher Levinson.” Gabriel goes up to him and shakes his hand, “You’re the one who administered the oath for King David, right?” Asher, “Yeah, that’s me.” Gabriel, “Cool!” Asher, “Please, have a seat.” The Hearns sit down, and Asher sits across from them. Gabriel, “What am I here for?” Jackie, “We were told it had something to do with adoption.” Asher, “Yes, it is. Do you know anything about Jake’s birth family?” Jackie and Vine look at each other nervously, “No.” Asher, “I brought Jake here today because he was identified as a member of a family that was broken up. He has siblings, who are also here, today.” Gabriel, “I do?” Asher, “Yes, and you can meet them if you like.” Gabriel, uneasy, “Oh, wow, I- I really dunno what to say.” Asher, “Before you were adopted by the Hearns, your name was Gabriel. Gabriel Abedon.” Vince, “Abedon?” Asher, “Yes. Jake’s birth parents are Vesper and Esperanza Abedon.” Jackie, “That’s not possible, the adoption agency would have told us-” Asher interrupts, “The adoption agency was told to lie and keep quiet.” He pulls a photograph out of his pocket, “I have a photograph. Would you like to see?” Jake nods numbly, and Asher hands him the photo. Jackie takes on look at it, gasps dramatically, and turns away. Vince, “I’m sorry, but this just can’t be true. I fought in Carmel, I saw first-hand was Abedon did. Jake’s a good kid! He’s nice! He has friends! He volunteers at the animal shelter! He’s not a monster like Abedon!” Jackie whispers, “Vince, look at the picture. That’s him. You know it is.” She hugs Gabriel, “This doesn’t change anything. We still love you so much. You’re our son, and you’re a good person, Jake.” Gabriel, numbly, “I love you, too.”

In another room, Mercy sits. The door opens, and Abby, Betty, and Michelle lead in Elías, 23, Isobel, 21, and Amada, 18. Elías stares at Mercy, and tears well in his eyes, “Mercy?” Mercy rushes up to him, and hugs him tightly, “Te extrañe. Te extrañe mucho.” Elías, “Mercy!” Isobel turns to Abby, “I had two brothers. Where’s the other one?” Abby, “He’s coming.” Mercy goes over to Isobel and Amada, “My name is Mercy. Do you remember me?” Isobel, “A little bit.” Amada, “I just remember that my name was Amada.” The door opens once again, and Asher leads in Gabriel. He stares at his siblings, still numb with shock. Asher looks at Michelle, who steps forward. Michelle, “First of all, I’d like to apologize on behalf of my father for breaking you all up and keeping you in the dark for so long. I know what it’s like to be denied a sibling. I know that no words can undo the years you’ve missed together. But hopefully you can start something today.” Abby, “If you want to, you can go and see your father. He’s here in the palace, but I don’t know for how much longer. I expect a deal will be made with King Warner once King David returns from his honeymoon.” Elías looks at Mercy, “Do you want to see him?” Mercy, “I don’t know.” Abby, “That’s okay. You can take some time to make up your mind. In the meantime, I’m not sure what names I should refer to you all as. You’re free to identify yourselves however you want when you leave the palace. We’ll provide you with any forms and documentations you need to make it legal. Do you prefer your adoptive name, or your birth name?” Mercy, “I think, while I’m here, I’ll be Mercy.” Elías, “Elías.” Isobel and Amada look at each other, and smile. They each repeat their names. Asher looks at Gabriel, “Do you have a preference?” Gabriel looks at him, and snaps out of his trance, “What the FUCK! I thought I was just a war orphan!” Asher, “Do you need a moment?” Gabriel looks around for a moment, and then bolts out the door. Asher tries to follow him. Out in the hallway, Gabriel turns and yells, “Leave me the fuck alone!” Asher stops. Gabriel reaches the end of the hallway, turns around in dismay, leans against the wall, and slowly sinks to the ground. Mercy, followed by everyone else, comes up behind Asher. Abby steps forward nervously, “Do you need anything?” Gabriel looks at her, dismayed. Slowly, Mercy approaches him, and then sits down beside him. She puts her hand over his. He looks at her, and sees that they share the same features. Elías, Isobel, and Amada go over and join them. They sit together in silence.

Asher leads the Abedons down the dungeon hallway. Mercy holds Gabriel’s hand tightly. They stop outside of Vesper’s cell. Asher, “Are you ready?” Mercy nods. Asher goes in to see Vesper, “Your children are here.” Vesper looks up in astonishment, “My children?” Asher nods, “Do you want to see them?” Vesper’s eyes fill with tears, “Please.” He stands, and his children file into his cell. Michelle, Abby, and Betty stand behind them, watching. He gasps and looks at them in awe. Mercy, “Hi, Dad.” Vesper lowers himself to his knees, “My children, my children… I am sorry. I am so profoundly sorry. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I deserve no one’s forgiveness.” Mercy wipes away a tear, “God says to forgive.” Asher, “You don’t have to forgive.” Everyone looks at him. He goes on, “Forgiveness isn’t just a favor that you  give out. It’s hard. It hurts. People spend their entire live struggling to forgive, and they can’t. Sometimes, it’s just impossible. The mouth says I forgive while the heart stays angry. That’s what destroys the soul. Don’t forgive because it’s asked of, or expected of you. Forgive because you’ve struggled with it. Forgive because you want to.” Michelle holds on to Abby’s hand. Mercy, “I need time.”

In Jack and David’s apartment, David serves up dinner for Abby and Michelle while Jack looks on, beaming. David, “It was nothing but non-stop hedonism. We were taking NAPS all over the place. Absolutely unthinkable levels of depravity. We spent a whole day watching a Chopped marathon! We went on picnics, and there was this fantastic lake, we did a lot of swimming!” Jack, “Skinny dipping.” David, “And we went out on a boat and I caught us some fish and fried ‘em for dinner that night.” Jack, “Providing." Michelle, “Such decadence.” Jack, “It was great!” David, “I swear, as soon as we got there, Jack’s speech started getting better. He was telling me stories the whole time. Stories!” Jack, “Easier, just you.” Abby, “Well, tomorrow, we get to negotiate handing Abedon over to Warner. So that’ll be fun.” David, “Oh, come on, don’t talk about work now.” Abby, “Asher found his kids. Brought them to the palace.” David, “Seriously? How did that go?” Abby shrugs, “Okay, I guess. It’s hard to tell if that sort of thing is good or bad. How’d you feel if you got invited to the palace only to be told that you’re the child of a mass-murderer?” Michelle, “I have to give it to Asher, though, he handled it pretty well.” Abby, “Yeah, he did.” David, “So does that mean we can just hand him over?” Abby, “Not unless Warner gives us something in return.” David, “Okay. I kinda hate to do it. Vesper, he- he’s unusual.” Abby, “We have to make peace with Ammon.” David, “Yeah, I know. And we will.” Cut to: David sees Abby and Michelle off, “You two have a good night, okay?” Michelle pauses and looks at him, “David.” David, “Yeah?” Michelle hesitates a moment, and then says, “I forgive you.” David, “What? Why?” Michelle, “Because I just fucking do, okay?” David, “Okay. Thanks.” Michelle, “Good night, David.” David, “Good night.” He shuts the door.

In the treaty room, Abby stands next to David, Warner and his diplomat, Bernard, across from them. Abby, “We will agree to let you keep a small portion of Carmel, the same portion as was agreed to when we first arrived in Ammon. In exchange for the return of Gilboan territory, we will hand over Vesper Abedon.” Bernard, “We agreed to peace, not an exchange of territory.” Abby, “Then Abedon will remain in Gilboan custody. This isn’t up for debate.” Warner looks at Abby and David and shakes his head, “God does favor you, David. How else could such an enormous advantage just fall into your lap without you even knowing about it?” David, “That was Silas, not God. Are you going to agree to our offer, or not?” Warner gives him a scrutinizing look, and then says, “I’ll sign your treaty. Vesper will be brought back to Ammon and hanged before sundown tomorrow.” David, “Very well, then.”

(“Shadow” Celia Pavey) In his cell, Vesper goes down the line of his children, hugging them and kissing their cheeks in turn. Gabriel stands stoically and accepts his embrace without emotion. Vesper comes to Mercy last. Vesper, “Do you forgive me?” Mercy, “Not yet, but I’m working on it.” Vesper’s eyes fill with tears, and he hugs her. She hugs him back. Out in the hallway, David, Abby, and Asher stand waiting, Warner, Bernard, and a group of Ammonian soldiers beside them. Vesper steps out of his cell, and the soldiers put him in handcuffs. Warner takes in a deep victorious breath, puffing up his chest, “May God have mercy on your soul, Vesper.” Vesper, “May God have mercy on yours,” he turns to David, “I thank you for your hospitality, King David,” he looks at Asher, “I thank you for your gift, Rabbi Levinson,” he turns back to Warner, “let’s go, then.” The soldiers lead him away. The Abedon children exit the cell, and watch Vesper be taken down the hallway. Outside the palace, furious crowds gather, waving signs, chanting furiously, demanding to see the monster Abdeon. David pushes the front doors open, and Warner and Vesper exit behind him. Vesper blinks in the sunlight, the soldiers still holding tightly to his manacles. The crowd roars for vengeance. Warner walks towards the crowd, a number of security guys in front of him. They begin making their way through the multitude, the security guys clearing the way. The soldiers escort Vesper as he follows behind Warner. Bottles and rocks fly at him. The man who was there earlier demanding to see him spits at him. Still, Vesper carries his head high, with dignity. Warner stands by the open back of a police van, and gestures for Vesper to get in. Vesper follows. He looks back out into the crowd one last time, and sees David, still looking out at him. The doors shut, and the van drives away. In the palace, The Abedon siblings hold on to each other, determined to stay strong.

A tombstone: Leo and Nora Levinson. Asher and Betty stand holding hands, looking down at it. Asher weeps and recites the Kaddish. When he’s done, they both lay stones on the graves. They walk away, still holding hands.