#amor fati asks

[carefulfears]

one thing that stands out to me about the IVF arc is the way that, for as much as i make fun of her for asking her coworker if she can have his babies, scully asking mulder to be involved in the biggest process of her life (and the most important thing in the rest of her life) is such a healing and reverent experience. like he says “i’m absolutely flattered,” but it’s so much more than that. it’s like…spending your whole life feeling like you should’ve died at age twelve and then being told someone just wants more of you, more and more and more, in everything.

[llovelymoonn]

could you do a weave about amor fati, and learning to love every part of life?

mary oliver why i wake early (via @flowerytale) \\ @brightdeadthing warm-blooded \\ adonis the blood of adonis: the transpositions of selected poems: " the wanderer" \\ louise glück poems 1962-2012 (via @weltenwellen) \\ apollo the villain \\ dante émile it's winter, i'm not in love yet but i'd like to be

kofi

[deathsbestgirl]

Was catching up on some tags that I missed during the shadow ban era (what a time that was) and came across a thought of yours that I'd love to hear more about:

In my One Son meta, I said Scully would have walked away if Mulder hadn't shaped up; and you proposed-- rightly, I believe-- that she wouldn't have. I guess I meant it never reached that point w/ them (even during the Revival breakup) because Scully knew Mulder would always take what she had to say into account and prove her or him right and wrong. Even in One Son, she still gave him an unspoken chance to make it right and still called him no matter what while on her way to get Cassandra from the train car.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't believe they've ever truly gotten to that unrecoverable point (well... I mean other than the fact they're still together) because even though Mulder and Scully are "messy" with each other at times (withholding necessary information from each other because of their fears, not wanting to face the truths each tells the other), their bone-deep trust wins out each time.

What say you? :DDDDDDDD

yes yes yes. because they always listen to each other, even when they disagree. they have a basis of the truest respect i've ever seen, and as long as they have that and they're able to hear each other, they won't lose that or their trust. two fathers/one son really tested their trust, which they really earned through season one giving them a solid foundation reinforced the other years. this is the first time it was so personal to them, to their relationship.

scully says something about, 'without the fbi, personal reasons are all she has left' so if he 'takes that away' then she 'can't help him anymore.' but that's really in respect to his quest if he's going to continue trusting diana. but it's personal to scully outside of mulder, which is why she immediately jumps when she hears about cassandra. her & cassandra are the only two left and as much as mulder can't give up, neither can scully (not at this point). and even though to scully, mulder isn't trusting her, she still trusts him and despite things they've kept from each other, she doesn't usually keep the work from him (only when it involves her & she's afraid to face it).

and this is why his touchstone speech in amor fati was so important. mulder finally knows the truth about diana, but he reaffirms scully. finally telling her what she needed to hear, and then later after william, "the truth they both know."

between iwtb & the revival is different. there was a fic taking place during the revival, that i should find again, that has scully pushing mulder away when he tries to get her to come home because she wasn't good for him and i think that's the only thing that could get her away from him. like when she tried to leave in fight the future. she wasn't helping him, he didn't need her, she held him back.

them being apart has a lot more to do with their individual struggles & beliefs & insecurities than it does their actual relationship. at least that's how i see it.

did that answer your question? 😂😅

[cowboyhorsegirl]

AO3 is back! Quick, link the fic that:

You are most proud of (one of your own!)

The fic you were or wanted to read when it went down (a current or new fav)

And finally, the fic you were most anxious to download once it returned/have downloaded for that reason (historical fav)

I love this ask anon, thank you for sending!!

Fic I'm most proud of would probably be Love Bites, but my favorite fic I've written would be Paradise Blue in 1872.

The two fics I was hankering to read while ao3 was down were Clandestine Meetings by @viudanegraaa and @sineala's remix of that fic, Wonders of the World (The Keep Me Safe From Harm Remix).

The stevetony fic that I would take to the grave to be buried with would be Amor Fati by citsiurtlanu. Literally cannot think about this fic for longer than two minutes otherwise i will be ripped apart by the force of my love for it.

[harmonicabisexuals]

diana is soooo evil in “biogenesis” like she fully just went mask off

[fishandships]

Buon compleanno, columbino! I am delighted to spend your birthday with you. I took the liberty of making us both tea to start the day off with. I have plans for your day, but I still want your input before I get to spoiling you as thoroughly as you deserve. -Luchino

The feeling is mutual, my love - I'm delighted to have you here with me. I'm certain that whatever you have planned is going to be wonderful, but I know you put a lot of thought into it and I love hearing your thoughts so I want to hear all about it over this tea!

[lilydalexf]

Hello, do you recall an interview with Gillian where she is being asked about the kiss in Millenium but she says in her opinion a moment from another episode [amor Fati II] is much more romantic? It was an on-set interview. Thank you.

That sounds vaguely familiar to me, but I could not find it on a quick search. I will do a deeper search of my video collection later. In the meantime, if anybody knows this interview where Gillian talks about the Millennium kiss and Amor Fati, please let us know!

[madison--ava--jones]

"Don't expect anything to happen. Just wait. This waiting is a deep acceptance of the moment as such. Nietzsche called it amor fati - unquestioning love of whatever has fated you to be here. You reach a point where you're just sitting there, asking, "What is this?" - but with no interest in an answer. The longing for an answer compromises the potency of the question. Can you be satisfied to rest in this puzzlement, this perplexity, in a deeply focused and embodied way? Just waiting without any expectations? Ask "What is this?," then open yourself completely to what you "hear" in the silence that follows. Be open to this question in the same way as you would listen to a piece of music. Pay total attention to the polyphony of the birds and wind outside, the occasional plane that flies overhead, the patter of rain on a window. Listen carefully, and notice how listening is not just an opening of the mind but an opening of the heart, a vital concern or care for the world, the source of what we call compassion or love."

[httpsdana]

heyyy love ur writing and i was wondering if u could do 170 with pedri?

love u and have a great day 🫵❤️‍🔥

Mine~Pedri Gonzalez

*GIF is not mine. credits to owners*

back again with another Pedri request. I just love this boy so much I cant say no when someone requests something for him.

we all love a jealous and possessive Pedri don't we

you can request from my prompt list

this is my master list

170-"I don't fucking care you're supposed to be mine."

y/n and Pedri have been dating for a bit over 6 months. They were still a fresh couple and enjoying themselves as much as they could.

Meaning that they were together almost all the time. At every match and every training session, y/n was always there rooting for her boyfriend.

Her dating Pedri, and him being best friends with the one and only Pablo Gavi, of course brought the two closer together. They instantly hit it off.

Surely, Pedri loved that the people he loves the most get along. But slowly he was starting to get a little bit jealous of the bond they have. He was jealous how they had inside jokes and how they would be giggling and whispering into each others ears constantly.

He knew y/n wouldn't cheat on him. She would never. He was afraid that his best friend woulc catch feelings for his girlfriend. At the end Pablo was just 18. A horny teenager who would fall in love with any girl who would give him attention.

He was also aware that Pablo wouldn't back up if he caught feelings and would try to make a move. He wouldn't blame him or hate him. He can't control the way he feels.

Pedri was glaring at the pair in front of him. He brought y/n with him to his practice cause he was supposed to go out with her and Gavi after practice. But now seeing the pair laughing and joking around made him rethink about their plans.

His death stare was burning into the back of Gavi's head. Pablo felt someone looking at him so he turned around and saw Pedri staring at him with a blank stare.

Pablo didn't think anything of it and just waved at his best friend. Pedri sent him his fakest smile and just focused on the ball between his feet.

"whats up with you today?" a voice snapped Pedri out of his thoughts making him look up. He saw Ansu Fati looking at him with a questioning look

"nothing" Pedri mumbled, his gaze shifting to y/n then to Pablo who was now walking to her. He said something making y/n burst out of laughter.

His jaw clenched and jealousy started bubbling inside of him. Ansu moved his gaze to where Pedro's eyes were resting and saw who he was looking at. A smirk found its way to his face before he confronted his friend

"oh you're jealous?" he asked, the smirk never leaving his face

Pedri snapped his eyes from the pair and moved them towards his friend who was standing beside him

"what? me jealous of Pablo? pfft as if" he shrugged it of making Ansu laugh at him

"oh you so are jealous of him" Ansu chuckled before walking away with the ball that he was shooting with

He wasn't jealous of his best friend...

right?

No no he wasn't...fuck who was he kidding of course he was jealous of him. He was jealous of how he seemed to be able to make her laugh more than he ever has. He was jealous how they were best friends, closer than him and y/n ever was.

★★★★★

Practice was finished and y/n, Pedri, and Pablo were heading to a cafe to have some breakfast. And as usual, Pablo and y/n were joking around, earning some weird looks from people who were sitting around them.

Pedri rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh, making both his girlfriend and best friend look at him with a questioning look

"everything okay amor?" y/n asked reaching for his hand that was resting on the table. As soon as her hand touched his, he pulled it back and placed it on his lap.

y/n awkwardly removed her hand from the table and placed it on her own lap, feeling a lump starting to form in her throat.

"I'm fine" Pedri mumbled rather coldy, making both y/n and Pablo shift awkwardly in their seats

"I um have to head out...I'll just leave you guys" Pablo mumbled before getting up.

Of course he didn't forget pressing a kiss on y/n's cheek. He patted his best friend's back before walking out of the cafe

y/n turned her attention to her boyfriend, who was sitting their with a cold stare and his arms crossed over his chest

"lets go home" y/n mumbled before getting up and walking out of the cafe

Pedri felt a little disappointed that she didn't try to talk to him. But he himself didn't talk to her too so he couldn't blame her

He got up from his seat and walked out following his girlfriend to his car.

The car ride back home was tense. The tension was felt by both of them, but neither of them tried to talk to the other. If there was someone more stubborn than Pedri, it was y/n.

After parking the car, they walked to the apartment behind each other. Pedri walked behind y/n and slammed the door behind him.

y/n turned around and crossed her arms around her chest, giving her boyfriend a glare.

"what was that?" she asked raising her eyebrow

"what was what?" Pedri replied making her roll her eyes

" the glaring, the blank stare and cold answers. you think I didn't see the way you were looking at me and Pablo. so you better tell me what the fuck is wrong with you recently" she replied, raising her voice slightly.

She was angry. Fuming actually and it was starting to bother her.

"oh you recognized the looks? You and Pablo are just too close. Friends are not supposed to be that close y/n. y'all have all these inside jokes and keep giggling and whispering like fucking children and its getting on my fucking nerves. Is there something between you two? cause if there is you better tell me now and stop wasting my time" he replied in the same angry tone of y/n.

"oh so you're fucking jealous now? Jealous of your damn best friend?" she laughed bitterly making Pedri even more angry

"yes I'm fucking jealous. You don't see how you guys are so close its like you're dating him. It sickening okay? To see you like that with him" he replied in a calmer tome, but y/n was still furious

"why are you jealous dammit? You can't be fucking jealous of your own best friend Pedri" she replied through gritted teeth

"I don't fucking care you're supposed to be mine." he yelled

"I am yours!" she yelled back

Pedri looked at her and saw the sincerity in her eyes. He let out a sigh and sat down on the couch. He covered his face with his hands, before he felt the couch dipping next to him and y/n's hand rubbing his back

"I'm sorry princess. Its just sometimes I feel like Pablo would make you happier and I can't stand the feeling of seeing you with someone else, especially not with my best friend. I can't help but feel jealous when I see you two together. sorry again" he mumbled the last words not removing his hands from his face

y/n smiled slightly before grabbing Pedro's face gently in hed hands, making him look at her. She ran her thumb against cheek before pressing a small kiss on his lips

"I love you Pedro. don't be jealous of Pablo. plus all the whispering and giggling was about him. he's seeing this girl and asking for advice. Poor boy he has no experience. I love you mi amor. so much you have no idea" she smiled at him, never breaking eye contact

Pedri's smile widened before he pushed himself forward and attached their lips into a passionate kiss. They both pulled away after a while, panting from the loss of air

"I love you more princess"

[randomfoggytiger]

All IVF Roads Lead Away from The Unnatural and to Millennium

After spending too much time batting back and forth various IVF theories (post here for the hall-of-fame-ers), I'd settled on early Season Six because of the factored-in procedure requirements.

And then a discussion with @welsharcher and @agent-troi made me reevaluate everything... and I realized, with dawning horror, that the facts concluded upon not only upended what I believed about Per Manum's time crunch but also pushed back Mulder and Scully's dating timeline from The Unnatural to Millennium.

What Canon Presents as Facts

Per Manum was a patch-on episode; and there are a few restrictions it imposes on the flashbacks with Mulder and Scully.

The IVF arc must take place after the episode Emily because that is when Scully learns her infertility was caused by medical experiments robbing her of her ova.

In Per Manum, Scully is awkward about asking Mulder for her request.

When the IVF fails, both are not stingy with their hugs-- never have been-- but Scully stops herself from fully kissing Mulder, instead placing it tentatively on his cheek.

The greater implications of points #2 and #3

Point 2: Scully's awkwardness in these flashbacks is absent from her behavior all through S7, especially after Millennium. From then on out, she flirts and pulls Mulder's tie (Rush), makes cracks about going home and making all things right with the world (The Goldberg Variation), shares a personal, traumatic story from her childhood and is unfazed that Mulder collects her and her things to go (Orison), takes it for granted that Mulder would want her to spend the night and advocate for him (Sein und Zeit), is openly jealous of his attention (Rush, First Person Shooter), keeps him guessing (Theef), denies CSM's pop psychology but not his claims about her love (En Ami), and pouts openly while calling Mulder (Chimera.) (See post here for flirty gifs (collected from @settle-down-frohike.)

Point 3: Scully's miss-kiss is how we know this precedes Amor Fati: then, she passionately and unhesitatingly gives Mulder's bandaged head a kiss after his dream recitation; but in Per Manum, though both are tender and grieving, there is still a hesitancy in her behavior. That hesitancy is born from Scully's insecurity in Mulder's life post The Beginning, after her hallway forehead blessing was replaced by his frustration at her refusal to believe. She and Mulder were in sync in S6, and she knew he loved her... but where was she in the order of importance? Still under the Truth? (It's a question she is still asking in S8's Essence.) Amor Fati was the turning point in their relationship: Mulder finally showed his partner that any better life, any better ending paled in comparison to the chaotic and brutal and beautiful one they shared together.

The Requirements for IVF (specifically the FET Timeline)

There would have had to have been a lot of downtime for Mulder and Scully to attempt IVF and continue a pregnancy.

Flying while pregnant, in the 90s and now, is not unsafe; but frequent flyers are heavily discouraged from taking as many trips because of possible health concerns (blood pressure, early risks, radiation, etc.) with mother and fetus-- particularly in the first and third trimester-- and even more so if the mother has a preexisting condition or previously challenging medical concern. Not only that, but the demands required for the IVF process would have put a further strain on travel.

Scully's ova were collected and stored (and recovered) frozen, meaning she would have had to use the FET method for her IVF cycles. Frozen Embryo Transfer takes up to 32 days from start to finish (starting the count from Day 3 of a woman's period up to the day she takes a pregnancy test); and Scully would likely have had to use the medicated FET method rather than the natural one, which is not a difference in timeline so much as convenience. Not only does the medicated FET method require additional supplementation, but the changes from estrogen and progesterone to embryo transfer-- in other words, forward progress-- hinge on how successfully the lining of the uterus thickens: if it's slow, the process drags on longer; if it's unsuccessful, the process starts from scratch. And despite all these measures, the "success rate of an untested frozen embryo transfer can go as low as 20-30%, decreasing with increasing maternal age." Hence, its failure.

The only times The X-Files had enough downtime to meet these stringent requirements were twice, and both in S6: the grounding under Kersh's disciplinary thumb and the unaccounted-for months between The Unnatural (April) and Biogenesis (September.)

The Clincher: A Purposefully Placed Family Planning Book

While the mind melding events of Biogenesis-Amor Fati are unfolding, Scully scours the office before jet-setting off to Africa. In the background is a clear glimpse of a blue family planning book amidst Mulder's various piles that he uses to feather the nest (grabbed from @dreamingofscully's post here~.)

Chris Carter, Frank Spotnitz, the writing team, and the actors knew David Duchovny was leaving the show after the finale of S7; and they planned for the miracle baby early on in the season. (For any lingering doubts about William's paternity, see here for Frank's own words on the subject.) Because of that, the gang split up and left some clues: not just the family planning book mentioned above, but also David and Gillian's decision to act as if Mulder and Scully were dating off-screen post Millennium and the writers request to incorporate William's conception into All Things. Because of those decisions, fertile (heh) ground was sown for anyone willing to look back and fill in the gaps... which they did in Per Manum; and which I do now.

The family planning book serves as the definitive timeline marker for Scully and Mulder's IVF journey. If they had attempted IVF early S6, then the book would have shown up with Mulder's things when he "feathered the nest" post One Son. If he and Scully had attempted IVF after Millennium or any time S7, it would have made an appearance then. But it doesn't: it only appears on the end of season six after Mulder and Scully have grown closer, when an IVF success or failure makes him clarify that it won't "come between us." When there is more that is between them but not technically enough for them to do this journey as a couple (yet.)

It also bookends the conclusion of the IVF arc: by joining Mulder's stash, the book has become another totem of his life in the vein of Samantha's picture, the cloth hearts, and Karin Berquist's "I Want to Believe" poster (and even Queequeg's collar and Scully's keychain.) It'll be packed away out of sight once he gets the cleaning bug or Scully asks him to; but, until then, it haunts the basement with the ghost of its lost potential.

Why IVF, Why Now, Why The Unnatural?

As mentioned above, there is a pocket of downtime post The Unnatural's April and Biogenesis-Amor Fati's September (thank you to @dreamingofscully for pointing that out in this post), with only one legitimate case in-between.

(With that in mind, The Lone Gunmen's ask of Scully is doubly stupid since they asked her to fly out to Las Vegas in Mulder's name sometime during her IVF process and triply stupid because Scully-- who likely went against medical precautions-- was drugged.)

But why did Scully seek a second opinion after The Unnatural?

Because Mulder's baseball date and uplifted banter reawakened that dream in her: "What you may find as you're concentrating on hitting that little ball, the rest of the world just fades away. All your nagging concerns, the ticking of your biological clock, how you probably couldn't afford that nice new coat on a g-woman's salary, how you threw away a promising career in medicine to hunt aliens with a... crackpot, albeit brilliant, partner." Because Mulder signaled that he was noticing her, her new suede coat, her ticking biological clock... and that those were important to him.

So, Scully went in for another checkup, to seek hope for both of them.

The Timeline: A Culmination

The Unnatural-- Mulder, for the first time in their partnership, turns away from the heart of the mystery to gaze at the mystery of his heart; and Scully is giggly and hopeful (having pressed hints about "a normal life" over and over since early S6.) For the first time he mentions something between them that is personal beyond near kisses and love confessions: he brings up her habits, her coats, and her fertility, showing her that he sees her. And after that night, Scully gets another checkup with her doctor and kicks off Per Manum.

Per Manum, the elevator-- Scully runs into Mulder after her appointment, depressed and down with more negative results. Seeing how devastated this fresh reminder is (despite the episode's very clunky reiteration of her infertility-- which both she and Mulder already know about and know each other knows about), he admits to having her ova on ice. Scully is both hurt he'd kept this information from her for over two years and desperately hopeful-- again-- that there is another last chance.

Per Manum, the clinic-- Doctor Parenti tells Scully there is a "good chance" that she can get pregnant if they get started right away. She's barreling onward, not thinking two steps ahead of her (noted here in some deleted lines-- thanks to @dunhamhairograpy) except for the fact that she has to ask Mulder for his participation.

Per Manum, "The answer is yes"-- "I don't want this to come between us" is pivotal. Yes, it could refer to their recent peace over Mulder's noncommunication; but that seems to have been swept aside by both of them in their heady anticipation. So, it has to refer to their personal relationship, one which just blossomed beyond loving partners into partners focused more on each other than the Truth. Mulder can't let go completely until his Closure; but he'll explore living a variation of normal with Scully post The Unnatural's moral lesson and Amor Fati's revelation and Millennium's permanent shift.

Three of a Kind-- Scully hops on the rare plane to join "Mulder" in Las Vegas, being pulled into The Lone Gunmen shenanigans and ending up getting drugged, flirting up a storm, and planning her revenge. Luckily, it seems Scully isn't too worried about what happened, meaning she was either between rounds or hadn't begun her first (or only?) cycle yet.

Field Trip-- A more personal episode for Mulder and Scully: he is unusually hurt and angered by her normal level of skepticism, which hurts her in turn as he's devalued herself as well as her abilities for the work. The two of them dance around these feelings until they fall right into hallucinogenic mushrooms. (An interesting note: @iconicscullyoutfits noticed here that Scully does not drink at Mulder's wake, slotting in perfectly both with her denial of this reality and her on-going carefulness with the IVF tries.)

Per Manum, "It was my last chance"-- Regardless if it's their first and only or last of many tries, Scully is unflinchingly scooped up by Mulder, though diffidently shy about crossing too many lines herself in grief (shying away from her impulsive smooch to instead hesitatingly place a kiss on her partner's cheek.) "Never give up on a miracle", Mulder intones; and holds onto the family planning book for a while more.

Biogenesis-- Mulder may have the book in his office; but Scully has lost hope, asking him "Look, after all you've done, after all you've uncovered... I mean, you've won. What more could you possibly hope to do or to find?" Her question is more in-character with another fruitless endeavor behind them, a wish to see this journey, too, to its end; and this informs her arc in this three parter: rebuilding herself and her identity in Africa, at the military base, in her apartment, and outside his.

Amor Fati-- Mulder dreams "another life, another world" where Scully can live safer and freer from him while he gets a built-in idyllic life, wife, and children: "Don't give up on a miracle" echoing around in his head. (An interesting note: @cecilysass's post here about the meaning behind Mulder's Temptation is amazing.)

But that miracle is a false illusion; and Scully saves him from himself ("You were my constant, my touchstone") just as he saves her from her self-distrust ("And you are mine.") It's now that Scully brands Mulder's forehead as her own just as she had in Fight the Future: diffidence gone, courage and confirmation found.

From Brain Surgery to New Years Celebrations

Mulder would have been too weak for much while recovering from invasive brain surgery, as evidenced by his and Scully's (mostly) hands-off approach in the next episode Hungry.

However, Mulder joined Scully in California for Christmas-- on a case, of course-- and got himself from one mess to another. They avoided death, saved the world from the Apocalypse, and, most importantly, patched a family back together. There might never be a child to welcome them home from a dangerous case; but they have each other.

And Mulder seals that realization as the ball drops.

And that concludes the IVF arc~!

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy!

[carefulfears]

this cracks me up lol she was afraid for her life

[car1no-xx]

Pedri fluff where the reader is a player for Real Madrid womens team? 😈

Amor Fati (Pedri x RM fem!reader)

On a weekend trip to Madrid, Pedri runs into someone he rather wouldn't. Little did you two know fate had other plans.

Warnings: none

A/N: Hi beautiful anon, thank you for the request! I made this into a little enemies-to-lovers thing, hope you don't mind. Just a reminder my requests are open, and to submit any requests you'd like before I start studying for final exams for the next 3-ish weeks yuck

~~

The morning was gloomy and foggy, much to your dismay. You loathed training in this weather, preferring the sun to keep your energy up and keep you motivated during the long hours of practice. It was a Friday, and to lighten your mood given the abysmal weather, you decided to treat yourself to a cappuccino before practice, hoping it would get you through the next few hours before the weekend officially commenced. You didn't mind showing up to the coffee shop in your training uniform - the baristas knew who you were, and so did the regular customers. You were grateful to them for never asking for your signature or pictures, especially in the mornings when you were still groggy, the bags under your eyes much too dark for your liking.

You grabbed a seat by the window, looking outside at the lush trees that decorated the Madrid streets. You mindlessly touched the embroidered badge on your jacket; you couldn't believe this was your life. A fan of Los Blancos since you were ten, you jumped through hoops and hurdles to get to the women's team. Being a woman in football was already hard enough - to play for Madrid, even harder. Then, a rough voice interrupted your daydreaming. "Sí, con leche, porfa." Yes, with milk, please. What was that accent? Definitely not from Madrid, you thought to yourself.

"Didn't expect to find you here," the voice said to you. You turned your head, your eyes going dark with the realization of who was standing in front of you. La madre que me parió, you quietly cursed to yourself. The mother who bore me.

Pedri. Barca's gifted, almost coddled midfielder. If your eyes could roll any farther back in your head, they'd likely fall out. Couldn't you just drink your coffee in peace? The thought of speaking to anyone, not to mention Madrid's rival, soured your mood even more.

"I literally live here. The question is what you are doing here," you spat.

You couldn't deny he was objectively attractive - his neatly trimmed eyebrows complimenting his almost raven-colored dark hair. His dark brown eyes that had a little sparkle in them when he spoke. One problem: you knew he hated you. Found you arrogant, too smart-mouthed for your own good. The feeling was mutual.

"Oh, you live here, in the coffee shop?" He was mocking you. "I'm here for the weekend, for no reason in particular but wanted to see how this precious city of yours is faring after all those losses," he said nonchalantly, shrugging.

That cappuccino you held in your hand was about three seconds away from landing on the hair he probably spent hours carefully combing this morning. Incorrigible prick, you thought to yourself. "If you expect me to fall over my chair laughing, you're sorely mistaken," you said, waving a dismissive hand towards him, hoping he'd get the message. Instead, he pulled up a wooden chair and sat across from you.

Would it really be a waste of my four euros if this coffee ended up on his head right now?

"I don't expect anything from you. Well, actually, maybe just a bit more pep in your voice. Thought you'd be happy to see me, bonita," he smirked. "We had fun at that party, didn't we?" That party. The one where you drunkenly ended up making out with Pedri for a total of twenty seconds a year and a half ago, only to quickly leave without saying anything else to him. It meant nothing. Less than nothing.

"That was fun for you? That was just me drunkenly making stupid decisions."

"Nevertheless," he winked.

"Don't flatter yourself. I don't doubt you took another lady friend home that night."

"Jealous?" That smirk, you thought. Slapping him would definitely take that smirk off his face, but you weren't keen on being charged with battery today.

"Enjoy Madrid," you said, rolling your eyes. And with that, you got up and left the coffee shop.

~~

"What do you mean I'm still out for the next game?" You quietly raged at your coach the next day. Friday sucked, running into Pedri and all. Today was apparently even suckier.

"I'm sorry, y/n, but the physiotherapist still thinks you need time to recuperate."

One month you were out with a knee injury. One month too long. You understood it was normal for athletes to succumb to injuries now and then, especially with the demanding pressure put on your bodies, yet you couldn't help but feel terrible and utterly useless. More than anything, you wanted to play - even being benched was borderline an insult to you, your competitive nature always coming through and wanting to deliver your best with every match, every practice.

"I'm ready to play. I've been finishing the full practices, doing my exercises regularly. I'm ready," you said through gritted teeth, trying to keep your tears from seeping out. Don't let them see you cry. Don't show them any signs of weakness. No one wants a weepy player on their team with no bite, you thought to yourself. Perhaps a not-too-healthy way of thinking, but you knew the cutthroat nature of this sport, the constant comparing of female football players to the male ones. Miraculously, you managed to keep your forming tears at bay.

"I'm almost certain you will be ready to play the next game," your coach explained. Slowly nodding, you walked off the training pitch. If you were a cartoon character, you were sure steam would be coming out of your ears.

That night, you wanted to let loose, to drink away your anger and sadness. You told yourself a trip to the local bar with your girlfriends wasn't a bad idea, and so off you went. Despite your foul mood, you put on a navy blue high neck silk dress and strappy heels. The cut-outs on the side of the dress made your toned abs peek through. You felt confident, felt unstoppable.

Strutting up to the bar, you ordered tequila for yourself and your friends, looking forward to letting the alcohol take your mind someplace else other than the fact that you still couldn't play. Then, a light tap on your shoulder.

"Didn't think someone so cold could look so...inviting," the voice said close to the shell of your ear. Pedri. It was almost alarming how you managed to recognize his voice so quickly. You tried to ignore the tiny little butterflies his voice so close to you made you feel, how your stomach felt the same a year and a half ago when he kissed you in a drunken state. Feeling butterflies towards a Barcelona player? And such a cocky, smug one at that? Blasphemy.

"Pedri, por favor. Are you resorting to stalking me now?" You snarled.

"Bold of you to think you'd even be worth my time," he retorted. "Just funny how we keep bumping into each other, no? Fate trying to tell us something? Although fate doesn't know I'd never be with someone with that much arrogance."

"I'm the arrogant one? Please - you make some goals here and there and suddenly you're Barcelona's shining star and now you think you're God's greatest gift to mankind. Do me a favor, Pedri, eh? Go hit on someone else," you said as you turned around, pushing him away from you and wandering off back to your friends.

A shot of tequila in one hand, your friend's hand in the other, you stormed to the dance floor to try and salvage the night and your mood. Yet, you couldn't help but feel that Pedri's eyes were glued on you as you started moving on the dance floor, the alcohol overtaking your body. Although instead of dulling your emotions, the alcohol and music only heightened them. You started thinking - no, overthinking - about your work, your health, everything, on the dance floor. "I need some air," you called out to your friend.

Sitting on the sidewalk outside of the bar, your emotions started to overtake you. You couldn't hold back your tears, and yet you didn't fully understand why.

"Pasa algo?" Did something happen?

You didn't need a second glance to know who was speaking. You only shook your head. Pedri sat down next to you on the sidewalk, silent, and handed you a napkin he had in his pocket. Then, "Ordinarily, I'd say something to rile you up. But I don't like seeing anyone like this."

You were a bit shocked at his cordiality. "It's fine, don't worry about it."

He paused, then slowly moved his right hand to lightly rest on yours. His touch was soft, gentle. You hardly expected it from him, given your constant bickering and slight animosity anytime you saw each other, save for the one takeout session. You turned your face to look at him, and instead of the usual mockery in his brown eyes, you saw...was it understanding? Yearning? Empathy? You couldn't quite put your finger on it.

"It's obviously something if you're on the sidewalk crying. Dime." Tell me.

"I just...sometimes I don't know why I play. What I do this for. This goddamned injury, it just makes me feel so useless, so helpless," you sighed, your fingers running through your hair. He nodded.

He chose his words carefully before proceeding. "I know the feeling. The uselessness, the anger, the eagerness to get back on the pitch. But maybe these things happen for a reason. To make us...stronger? Although I know it doesn't feel like it now." He paused, then said, "If you need someone to talk to-"

"I'm surprised at your offer, given that you've made it clear that you hate me."

A faint smile tugged at his lips. He gently rested his hand on your knee and looked into your eyes. It felt like a lifetime before he said, "Maybe I don't hate you, after all. Maybe I've enjoyed our banter, but really all I've wanted to do was kiss you again. And I haven't admitted it to myself until now." His hand carefully moved from your knee, gently cupping your face, seeking your approval. For the first time, you didn't want to swat his hand away. Carefully, you leaned in and kissed him, your lips softly meeting each other before deepening the kiss just a bit.

As you slowly pulled away, you said, "You know, instead of sassy remarks, you could just ask me out."

"You've got yourself a deal," he smiled as he put his arm around you and pulled you in, your head resting on his shoulder.

You weren't sure how long the two of you stayed like that. You thought to yourself that maybe coincidentally running into each other wasn't too bad. And that maybe, just maybe, fate wasn't such a bad thing, either, after all.

[actual-changeling]

Heya! Do you have any msr fic Recs?

I do have a lot! My ao3 bookmarks are all public, so you can go and browse those by fandom since I save every single fic I read. Fake/pretend relationship and anything involving them figuring out their relationship while around people are two of my all time favourite tropes. Here are some of my favourites though, they're either oneshots or completed:

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (~66k, E)

Getting home proves to be challenging for our favourite agents. Set during Season 7, after Millennium.

True Lies (~106k, T)

Post-Terma, Scully can't help but think they need protection against any future kangaroo court congressional hearings and comes up with a rather unconventional solution that she proposes of Mulder.

Since We Fell Apart (~23k, T)

Post One Son, Scully is fed up with playing second fiddle to everything in Mulder's life, and decides it's best to just be done with him. Skinner asks her to work one last case for the X-Files - undercover in Arcadia.

Keep It All the Year (26k, M)

Scully is summoned to San Diego for a funeral at Christmastime, and ropes Mulder into her family dysfunction. Set in S6, canon divergent but not wildly so.

The Whole Story (~2.6k, T) by @sisterspooky1013

If they thought Maggie couldn’t tell when two people are holding hands under the dinner table, they've got another thing coming.

The Marriage Spectacular (~20k, M)

Lost FBI agents. Stormy weather. A marriage retreat in a mountainside inn with one room available.

una via (~19k, M)

Mulder and Scully's changing relationship in the period after Amor Fati.

Plus some of my favourite authors whose works I am still digging through and enjoying a lot. There's nothing better than reading a great fic, going to their profile, and then realizing they have like 100 more of them.

Skinfull @baronessblixen OnlyTheInevitable fragilevixen @danascully77 cecily_sass audries kittenscully

I'm probably forgetting a bunch of people, so you're very much invited to add your favourite fics and/or your own (self promo is explicitly welcomed!!).

[television-overload]

pls tell me about the msr adoption story i love any story where they get to become parents they deserved that so much

AHH so basically I watched too many tearjerker adoption videos on YouTube and then suddenly I was thousands of words into an outline

Amor Fati gets Mulder thinking about family again, and things are still a little raw from the IVF try, so he's hesitant to tell her at first.

Screw it, preview of the first chapter:

---

Find out if adoption is right for you!

Visit us at 8080 Meadowlark Ln. Annapolis, MD

“A Home for Every Child!”

Scully stares down at the brochure on the desk. One of many, which are half buried underneath a pile of paperwork from their current case. Things are circled in pen, underlined, annotated in the margins in the familiar scrawl she knows almost better than her own.

stability – less travel? change in division? discuss with Scully

loving home – ask Frohike for real estate agent #

The word “family” is circled three times.

She swallows with some difficulty, finding—to her dismay—that her hands are shaking. Mulder will be arriving any second, and here she is, frozen like a statue.

How long has he been thinking about this? What exactly is he thinking? Her mind races, trying to reconcile this Mulder whose deepest desires are spilled out here in ink on worn and crinkled brochures with the one she’s spent nearly every day with these past several months.

She’d never have guessed…

[thursdayinspace]

I'm lost in the truth kiss again. Just in case you want to write some beautiful words about it that help me see the light. Like about how he just saunters up and grab her face. There's no holding back there, no hesitation. I can't stop watching it lol

Oh man, I’m always so excited to be asked for words I will never say no. I don’t know if I have beautiful ones in me, but I love that kiss in The Truth, so here is my take.

There is no hesitation, there is no doubt. He’d been gone for so long – was it easier this time, knowing that he was alive? Or had it been easier when he was dead, when there had been an end, when the challenge had been moving on instead of constant longing, endless nights of knowing he could be there with her if things were different? Are the two even comparable? Does someone’s absence sit in a different part of your soul when they’re gone completely?

He didn’t want to be away from her. He didn’t want to be away from her and their son. After all that time with the barriers finally fallen and their hearts exposed to each other at last, happiness so close, all they wanted was a future, but again the world had other plans for them. Knowing she was missing him, knowing she was loving him from so far away – how did he cope? Loving her from so far away, knowing now what it felt like to kiss her, to hold her, to share a life not just Monday to Friday but always? And then coming back and still being apart from her, being kept in that prison, being brainwashed, facing the threat of death once again; he wants to be with her but he already knows it’s not that simple.

She walks into his cell not sure what to expect, and . . . of course he makes a joke. He wouldn’t be Mulder if he didn’t. It’s not funny no matter what he says, she is right about that, but nothing about any of it is funny. And Mulder makes jokes when it’s all too overwhelming. Mulder comes back from the dead and asks “Who are you?” and her face falls. He asks “Anybody miss me?” and she laughs. She doesn’t laugh this time. Because he’s not back from the dead. There is, in fact, a good chance he might join the dead again soon. He’s not in that prison for stealing someone’s wallet. Things are serious. Really fucking serious. So no, his joke is not funny. But he’s Mulder. And he’s been through hell. So let’s forgive him, okay? She has been through hell too though. She has no reason to laugh. But he doesn’t know what else to say. And she isn’t sure either. He tries to explain – “What’s not funny is what they do to you in here if you don’t put on that act,” – but he knows and she knows too that all of it is too much for words. There are no words they could say. But touch? Touch is something they can do.

From the beginning, from their first case together, touch is something they can do: They barely know each other when she seeks comfort in his hug in a motel room in Oregon. After Donnie Pfaster, she finally lets herself break in his arms. At his mother’s hospital bed, she reaches for him and he cries into her shoulder. He escapes from a Russian prison camp and returns to put his arms around her – both of them. Scully in the hospital, deciding to keep fighting, and they hold each other so tight; his lips against her forehead an “I love you more than anything” that has no words yet. She tells him she’s only ever held him back, she tries to leave, he tells her she’s saved him – what else is there but to hold each other, to lean in for a kiss when all the words are spoken but the love is bigger than everything words can contain? Scully clinging to him in Milagro, Mulder wrapped around her as he teaches her about baseball, a lingering forehead kiss in Amor Fati, Mulder holding her on that bed when she’s feeling sick, no idea yet that she’s pregnant. Touch is something they can do when words fail.

And they have missed each other so much, so much. It doesn’t matter that Skinner is standing right there. It doesn’t matter that they have no idea what’s going to happen. They’re in love. They love each other. And he needs her, and she needs him. So no, there is no hesitation. There is only one thing to do. He cups her face in his hands and kisses her, and she kisses him back, and there’s relief and love and desperation and the lingering pain of separation and the looming fear of being separated again. All they want is each other, and here they are, together, but not really, not yet, maybe not ever. It’s a few seconds of complete closeness that hold so much past and only a possible future, but all of the present. Anything else doesn’t matter for those few seconds. They let themselves want and they let themselves have, everything they haven’t had for all this time. They hold each other, just exist together, just for the little time it lasts, and the relief of being close mixes with the grief of having been apart.

They don’t know what will happen, they don’t know how and when they’ll be together again, just the two of them, home, happy. But they have touch. He doesn’t let go of her hand even afterwards, kisses it, holds it to his chest. Not able to let go. Never able to let go. There is love, there will always be love, no matter what happens. That is one immutable fact. One thing they promise each other, without words, because there are none for a truth of that magnitude. But they know. They know. A kiss without any hesitation, without any doubt. Just this pull between them, a connection that transcends language and conscious decision. They’ve gone too long without touch. And in that moment, it’s the best way they have to say “I’ve loved you all this time, I love you now, and I always will.”

[fishandships]

For Luchino: adoration, be mine, and hand holding!

♡ valentine’s day self ship ask game ♡ (tysm for all of these ;w;)

adoration — how would your f/o speak about you to someone else?

aaahhhh hmmm well Luchino tends to speak very freely about his passions, Rosario among them. not in the flowery sense, though - he brags about them and their accomplishments strictly as a colleague. fluff is strictly for private settings.

be mine — how would they react to you flirting with them, do they get flustered? flirt back?

YES he gets flustered easily; he can dish it out but he can’t take it, especially considering Rosario is so shy that when they do flirt it catches Luchino totally off guard, he’s never prepared for it and he just melts ;w; and then immediately it’s “challenge accepted” and he has to make them at least twice as flustered as they made him UwU

hand holding — how are they with physical affection? who initiates it first?

they’re both SUPER physically affectionate. while sweet talk is strictly private, they can’t keep their hands to themselves and are constantly touching. Luchino initiated at the very first, under the excuse that he’s Italian so it’s normal, it’s just casual (reader, it was never casual). Rosario, however, was the first to offer physical affection intentionally and without guise, reaching for Luchino’s hand as they prepared for their first Game at the Manor.